#I am really not a fan of girl style of Dark Samus

[limitiz-nk]

AU crossover roleplay activity Dark Samus

[deebormzone]

Revving up the Disappointment Engines

Super Smash Brothers Ultimate.

There’s a presentation for it tomorrow morning. One character reveal is guaranteed. I am excited.

HOWEVER. I know from experience that it’s best to set one’s expectations real, real low. As such, here’s my take on who tomorrow’s presentation will reveal.

It won’t be too disappointing, no matter what happens. Generally speaking, any addition is a good addition. The only bad announcements would be a delay or something to do with microtransactions.

Much of the Smash Direct will probably go over different game modes, since we haven’t heard a single thing about those yet. Classic Mode, Break the Targets, Event Matches, that sort of thing. A stage maker would be big, but there are so many stages already that I don’t care much. A story mode would be HUGE, but pretty unlikely. Story or no, I’d love a platform game like Melee’s Adventure Mode, Brawl’s Subspace Emissary, or Smash 4′s Smash Run. Speaking as a monster who lives in a hole, single-player content is very important to me.

But a new character is always the big draw. One character will be appearing for sure, big animated trailer and all. One Echo Character is also fairly likely (and if we’re especially unfortunate, the one new character will BE an Echo). More than one new character seems pretty unlikely, so don’t count on it. I’m guessing there will be six new characters for a final total of 70 on the select screen, and even that might be too generous. Point being, Grandmaster Sakurai is going to draw these reveals out as long as possible.

So who will it be?

All my most wanted characters are completely ridiculous impossible choices, which I’ve accepted. My best hope is for somebody interesting. It’s a fair hope, since there are so many interesting options. Of course, there are also some uninteresting options, so I’d better get ready for one of them. Let’s go over some possibilities.

Man with spring instead of arm: SPRING MAN

Spring Man is the safest guess and also one of the least exciting. His punch extend, and that’s it, somehow managing to have a moveset even less interesting than an anime swordsman.

Really, I better get used to this possibility, because it’ll be him tomorrow for sure. Main character of a big new Nintendo IP for Switch, a character from a series about fighting. Plus, for the first new character reveal, they probably won’t go with a bombshell third-party. It’ll be someone safe and basic, and Spring Man is truly the safest and most basic.

I’m sure Soccer Guy will give him an interesting moveset. Maybe incorporating some stuff from ARMS. Like... those bombs that appear mid-game, or something. He can do it.

Part of the issue is that every other ARMS character is more interesting than the mascot. Slime creature Helix, metal gladiator Mechanica, karate noodle Min Min, and Master Mummy, who is automatically interesting by being a mummy. Even Ribbon Girl is a touch more interesting than Springo.

Anyway, Spring Man comes first here because I’m sure he’ll be the reveal. This is my Official Prediction. Of course, there are other lukewarm possibilities, like:

Gremlin who poke with stick: BANDANNA WADDLE DEE

This is a basic Kirby enemy who is incredibly popular for some reason.

Really, I shouldn’t be too hard on this guy. I just haven’t played the games in which he’s important, except maybe Kirby 64, and no one is sure if that was really him. It’s one of the problems of being generic, people have trouble recognizing you.

Plus, he has decent moveset potential thanks to his spear and other Waddle Dee tools, like the parasol. It’ll be a bit weird to me, getting such a basic dude in with so few character slots available, but if it does end up happening, I guess it won’t be so bad.

Mulched tree plumber hero: PAPER MARIO

Paper Mario has a lot of possibility, some good, some bad. He could easily be an Echo, but he has enough options to be a full character, too.

The most heartbreaking option would be a full character reveal based heavily on Sticker Star. That’s probably the worst possible reveal (does that guarantee it will happen?). Even if he’s not fully stickerized, there’s no way his Final Smash won’t be one of those Objects. Probably the fan.

Any content from Paper Mario one or two would be fantastic, but I almost don’t want to consider that because it definitely won’t happen. I guess I could stand the occasional sticker if he’s otherwise based on Thousand-Year-Door. I GUESS.

Girl next door, haunted mansion, etc.: ASHLEY

Ashley is okay. I’m generally pro-witch; there’s a lot of moveset potential there. Her personality (”I literally do not care about anything”) is alright, too. This would be coming off of the release of Warioware Gold, so the timing’s right.

The other fat reptile: KING K. ROOL

Now this is interesting. K. Rool has a lot going for him. He’s got a wacky fighting style including guns, thrown weapons, and boxing, and he’s a villain, which is always fun. Plus, I heard he’s inexplicably popular in Japan.

This could be a pretty hype guy to announce, but he hasn’t been seen in a while. That, and it might be a little weird to reveal another villain who’s similar to the Riddler.

Human-shaped energy squid: DARK SAMUS

This is a likely Echo Fighter. She’s not really that interesting- just a villain who eats a lot of blueberry jam- but actually being Metroid Prime is worth a point or two.

Secretary of cross animals: ISABELLE

Another possible Echo, although if they wanted to they could give her a unique moveset based on office work and building public works atop enemies’ heads. I’d like that.

Various Pokemon Representing the Most Recent Generation

Decidueye would be most likely. “Archery bird” has a lot of good moveset potential. Incineroar could be a cool grappler, but seems a bit basic. Primarina might be the most interesting due to not having legs, so they’d have to give it a really weird moveset. There’s also been talk of Lycanrock (boring), Necrozma (maybe TOO bizarre), and Mimikyu (I’ll take it).

It’s hard to get too excited about another Pokemon, though. Since they represent whole species, Pokemon characters don’t really have much personality of their own. Plus, it would feel like using a treasured Smash slot on a character who has to get in to meet corporate requirements, which is crappy.

Of course, a character like that is most likely to be revealed at the first Smash Direct. Ah well.

8.8.8

A few people have noticed that the date for this Direct has a lot of eights. Could be nothing, but it could also NOT be nothing. And, if it doesn’t mean nothing, here are three things it mightn’t not mean:

Echo Fighter Octoling. Octolings aren’t big-name, highly-requested characters, but they’re cool enough. They might not fit with the game’s release schedule, though; I hear the whole roster is decided years in advance, and Splatoon’s Octo Expansion was fairly recent.

Octopath Traveler content. That’s a big new Switch exclusive that sold really well. (I’ve been playing it in parts- it’s okay.) I guess it’s possible, but it’s third party. Plus, the game is about eight different main characters, so Sakurai might not be able to pick one, or to mash all eight together in one moveset. Still, a character would be cool if it was a wacky one like Merchant, and not a basic one like Soldier.

Heihachi, from Tekken. This would be because “hachi” is Japanese for “eight.” It’s a stretch, but you never know. Namco’s been on board for a while, after all. They made Smash 4, and might have helped make Smash Ultimate...? I should know this. Anyway, despite being a simple martial artist, I would be fine with Heihachi. I liked his moveset in Playstation All-Stars, combining simple attacks with stances, combination moves, and a few miscellaneous thrown objects. Also, I laff any time Smash Bros gets a big-name character who was, or was supposed to be in All-Stars.

DANTE

Some people have been saying Dante will get in. I don’t know why.

Sure, I guess.

in summary:

I expect a lot of talk about single-player content, one Echo reveal, and one new character. Probably Spring Man.

With that, my expectations are correctly tempered. Now, even if the announcements tomorrow are just okay, I’ll be able to play the prediction game.

Good luck to everyone! I hope that, even if somebody I don’t care for gets in, it makes somebody else’s day.