#I am not at all excited for the (at minimum) few months of 0 peace under bkdk and tgchk posts

[arandomatlafan]

As disappointing as it is, this isn’t the first time a remarkably bland straight ship has been made canon so shippers will continue to do what they always have and ship anyway.

Though I will say I do wish Ururaka hadn’t ended up with Izuku. I think it wouldn’t been really nice to subvert the classic trope and have her truly move on from feelings she had as a teenager, especially since so much of her character is becoming her own person and hero seperate to her feelings for Izuku. I would have loved if she hadn’t ended up with a man (especially with that man being Izuku) but because she is written by one, maybe I should have guessed this would happen.

The dudebros have already become annoying under bkdk and tgchk posts which is a shame but hopefully they’ll quiet down soon rather than becoming jjk fandom 2.0

[hoodie-at-the-bar]

2018 year in review

Wrapping up 2018, let’s look back at how it’s stacked up to the year before.

Overview 2017 vs 2018

In 2018, I went out with 29 unique users. If I’m going to treat it like data, may as well get the lingo aligned. This is a decrease from the previous year by 21.6% at 37 unique users. It’s funny - I say unique users, but most of the guys are similar. Nice, or just fine. That’s it.

The total number of dates decreased from 49 to 35, which is a 28.5% drop. So at least we have consistency there.

At a high level, there were some improvements - but also some areas of opportunity. Can you tell I’ve gone through a review cycle at a company?

How often is there a second date?

In 2017, only 13.5% of the guys I went out with got a second date. This just represents guys who wanted to see me again and I wanted to see them again; not including guys who weren’t into me after the first date. In 2018, 13.8% of the guys I went out with moved onto a second date. What does this tell me? I barely understood how to filter them out that I only had a 0.3% increase of betting on the winning horse - I took too many chances. I should not go to the races, not yet.

2018 may have been an even “worse” year if you consider only (1) guy got passed (2) dates. Lucky number 3.4% - Mr. Skylar. He was the love of summer of ‘18.

So where am I meeting these men?

In 2017, the majority of my dates came from Bumble (59.5%) and the rest were fairly evenly distributed with less than 11% per other app and in real life. This year (2018) there were a lot more even distribution of source, and where most apps had an increase with the exception of Bumble. The real world, dropped to 6.9%. What does this tell me? I’m diversifying my assets - let’s call the stalk broker!

Exit Strategy

The largest piece of that “peace” pie was a mutual fizzle. In 2018, less hearts got broken when we had an increase from 59.5% to 62.1% of amicable seperation. 

I experienced an increase of men being less interested in me, 13.5% to 20.7%. Sucks right? Meh - just numbers. I didn’t take it personal - if anything, I appreciated that only meant guys were ghosting me less and having the courage to tell me they just weren’t that into me. And I was right.

In 2017, 8.1% of the guys I went out with ghosted me. That number dropped down to 3.4%. Guys are either stepping up, or I’m bypassing the cowards at an earlier stage. It’s likely neither. The good news is that however the first date went, guys felt more comfortable to tell me the truth.

The rate I declined guys dropped down by 5.1%. This could mean I ended up liking more of them, or less guy tried to pursue me to have me let them down. I mean, I broke it off with less guys, but I also wen tout with a lot less guys on a second date. 

I’m getting the sense that though I said it was a “worse” year, that was strictly from the number of guys I got to spend more than (2) dates with. All the other data show guys ghosted less, I declined less - and I looked at a bit more variety of places. 

The controversial reaching for the wallet

Apparently in 2017, I didn’t pay for a single (first) date. At first I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror: was I one of those girls who assume guys always paid?? But not at all - a lady ALWAYS reaches for the wallet. If a guy pays for a first date - I always pay for the second one. Skylar Smith? I got the tickets! 

Anyhow so what changed in 2018? Guys paid about 17.8% less than the previous year. Me? I went from 0% to 10.3% as I started to pay more for the first date. Thanks to that Quintessential Loser… he taught me to buy a beer for a guy who couldn’t afford a Lyft. 

Time of the Season.

My favorite nothing chart - when do I date more? As per usual, February tends to be a slow month - coming from the holidays and gearing up to my birthday, dating becomes less of a priority. I tend to travel in the shoulder seasons, wanting to be in Seattle in the beautiful summer, and play during the winter holidays. Travel and date. February and the summer are the lowest dips.

In 2017, I had three main takeaways: 1) Trust your gut 2) Be more vulnerable and 3) revamp screening process. 

I have definitely trusted my gut more - but it came a bit later. I trusted it to not go on a second date, but still came short in how to filter out at the beginning: whether or not I should accept that first date at all. I can still improve here.

Vulnerability is never fully achieved overnight, or just once. It’s piece by piece, being more open each time. I haven’t measured if guys say “I’m hard to get to know” less, but I definitely try to offer more stories and parts of myself, than wait for them to ask.

The screening process…. Only having a .3% improvement score, leads me to believe I haven’t learned how to screen guys before a first date. So here are my new takeaways for 2018: there’s really just one.

I will not go out with someone, unless I have 2 of the 3 following characteristic

we have great texting chemistry. I used to feel bad weighing much on this, having friends say you can’t judge a guy by his text style: he could be better in real life. Then I realized I needed something: collateral.  Let me continue.

Attraction. Again I used to feel shallow for putting any weight on looks, but let me continue.

Fun profile. That simple - something, anything - a photo, a question or a bio, something that they wrote that made me smile or chuckle. I’m continuing.

The (3) prerequisite aren’t prerequisites to being my boyfriend. It’s nice, and likely will wind up being important, but these factors are collateral. 

Collateral: n; something pledged as security for repayment of a loan, to be forfeited in the event of a default.

In this case, the loan is my time, and repayment is good use of that time. A date lasts minimum an hour. You add in getting dressed and being date ready, another 30-60 minutes. Travel time? We are looking at a roughly 2-3 hour commitment per date. If I am going to spend that time, I want some reassurance that it’ll be well spent.

Looking back at 2018, all the guys I dated from Dragon Breath to the Q-Loser and that one guy - there wasn’t really a sign that I would have had a good time. Attraction was mild, text chemistry was minimal - I went out for a beer simply because they asked. All I did was filtered out shirtless guys who wanted to DTF - but the rest? Just guys I didn’t have chemistry with. I realized over time, I got less excited to go on dates.

I took a four month hiatus on dating from November 2017 to about March 2018. It doesn’t take a plumber or captain to figure out that my motivations dropped due to a string of mediocre dates I could have prevented. Dates I could have prevented if I went deeper on my screening method: allowing myself to have collateral.

So for 2019, I will only go out with guys who I’m attracted to, have great conversational chemistry with (in written form to start) and who have a good bio. Rather than needing just (1) of these factors, let’s strive for (2) for now. This way - I’d have more to look forward to as I’m brushing my hair on a Sunday night, and putting on nice clothes to go into the cold to gamble a few hours of my life. 

I’m going to take fewer risks, hoping for higher rewards.

[changedaily]

The Plan

The X Effect Day 0

January 06, 2017

Here’s the plan on how I’m going to start developing 11 new habits; it’s called the X Effect 

I didn’t come up with this.. I actually found it on reddit. The concept is simple enough.. pick a habit you want to develop and make a 7x7 table representing 49 boxes for 49 days. After completing a day of the habit, using a red pen, cross it with an X. The goal is to have 49 red Xs in your box, meaning you have completed that habit for 49 days. You have to be completely honest with yourself- if you didn’t complete the habit, keep the square blank and reflect on why you failed that day. Trust me when I say that you won’t want to have a blank, because seeing all boxes crossed will be so satisfying. I know for me personally, avoiding blanks in my charts is enough of a motivator to complete the habits for all days.  

11 habits might seem like overkill, but some of these are pretty easy and I’ve already been doing a couple of times a week, so I just need to make sure I’m doing it every single day. Meditating, exercising, visualizing, drinking 2L water are all things I have been doing for a while (just not every single day) so the point of me adding these is to make sure it becomes a daily thing. The other habits I’ve added will be new to me; some of them involve doing things, while others involve avoiding things; we’ll see which type is harder at the end. Let me get into more detail of each habit and why I want to develop it as part of my daily regimen. 

(1) Meditate for 15 minutes: I want to become a meditation master both for spiritual reasons and for practical reasons. On one hand, I want to become more enlightened, find consciousness, kill my ego, find pure bliss and peace. On the other hand, I want to learn to control and observe my thoughts so I can learn to ignore negative thoughts in my everyday life, and learn to increase my focus which can translate to everyday tasks such as working and studying. Also, all the other cool benefits that meditation brings.. like more happiness, better health, better sleep, etc. The steps I’m following are from the book The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa. This book outlines 10 steps of meditation- I’m only at step 2 where I’m learning to focus my attention on my meditation object (breath) while keeping peripheral awareness. Meditation used to be hard for me, even just doing it for 5 minutes was a challenge and I was always thinking about the timer.. but I’m at a point where I can keep my attention on my breath for longer periods of times, and some sessions fly by and don’t feel like 15 minutes. I already feel the effects in my everyday life. I’m able to be more mindful and present, I can analyze my emotions better and let go of negative thoughts and emotions more easily, and I’m a lot less reactive to external events than I used to be. I’m excited to see what the next steps bring me. 

(2) Visualize for 15 minutes: The point of me visualizing is to reach my subconscious mind and program my new self-image, by using imagination and emotion. In my visualizations, I picture myself in various scenarios that I want to happen. For example, my goal is to get straight As next semester (I already achieved that during last semester) so I visualize myself opening my final grades and seeing all As. Because I already experienced the feeling of getting straight As, I can translate that same emotion into this visualization to trick my body/mind into thinking it’s real for the next semester. I do this for other things I want to happen- such as how my body looks like skinnier, me having great friendships, me being more social/outgoing, me being kinder/friendlier, me being able to afford things like trips and an expensive apartment etc. the list goes on. I also use this time for affirmations. Anything to reach change my subconscious mind. The exercises/processes I use for visualizations come from the following books:

Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz

The Power of your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy

Break the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza

(3) Exercise- Gym or Home: I want to make this a daily thing because it makes me feel good, and to help me lose weight. My usual routine is to go to the gym and do cardio for an hour, then alternate days between arms and legs. If I’m too tired to go the gym, I have dumbbells and ankle weights at home that I can use for Pilates and other weight exercises. I will be posting progress pictures over the next 49 days to track my progress with my body.

(4) 2L of water: This one is fairly obvious- we all know the benefits of water. However, water is never something I get enough of unless I consciously think of drinking it. Usually I’ll have 0.5-1L a day, so I want to use this exercise to increase my consumption.

(5) Study for 15 mins: This means a minimum of 15 minutes a day- but usually I’ll probably do an hour or two. As a 4th year University student, I have never given much thought to my grades until this year. I have always been a procrastinator and never kept up with studies. I somehow was able to slide by with some As, some Bs, some Cs and a couple of Ds. All my exams were studied the night before and all my projects were done last minute- it was draining and unmotivating. However, this year I decided I need to increase my GPA and get all As. Last semester, I started to really keep up with my readings by making time each week to do some school work. This allowed me to understand and absorb the content more easily, which made me more prepared for the exams. I ended with three A- and one A+. Next semester (which starts in 10 days) I want to achieve five A+. Since my semester hasn’t started yet, I’m going to start studying for my classes before the semester starts. I have already gotten 2 of my textbooks, so I can start reading the chapters. By the time the semester starts, not only will I be prepared but I will have already started to make a habit of studying daily.

(6) Stay off social media: This is going to be one of the hardest ones. As a millennial, I pretty much grew up with social media and being addicted to the Internet. It all started with creating a neopets account in Elementary school.. then went on to explore the creepy world of Yahoo Chat.. then came a Myspace account in grade 6-7, then Facebook and Twitter became popular throughout grade 8 and high school.. and in University all the other ones started to pop up like Instagram, Snapchat, etc. I feel like I’m so used to putting my life online that I feel empty when I go a few days without letting people know where I’ve been or what I’m doing. If I ever feel down about myself, I’m used to just validating myself through likes and comments. The main reasons I’m staying off social media are to become more present/mindful, and to increase my self esteem. I’ve gotten to a point where I feel unloved and unworthy if my pictures don’t reach a certain amount of likes. I find myself constantly comparing myself to my friends and wondering why they have 500+ followers and 200+ likes on all their photos, while mine only have 20-50. Another dangerous thing that I have noticed is when I go to places and do cool things, most of my thoughts are on what picture I can take that at the event will look cool on my Instagram and show people I’m trendy.. instead of actually enjoying the moment. Now I’m still going to use Facebook Messenger because at this point I consider it a messaging tool since a lot of communications with friends happen over this app, especially group chats. By staying off social media, I mean that I will stop (1) posting (2) creeping other people (3) scrolling through my feeds, 

(7) and (8) No Sugar or Dairy: This is mainly due for health reasons and for weight loss. Chocolate and sweets is my one downfall and something I have no willpower over. I can never just eat a piece of chocolate, I always consume the entire bar. Besides, we all know the dangers of sugar and how we’re addicted to it, so why not get rid of it. When I mean sugar, I mean sweets and desserts and soda.. I know sugar is in a lot of other things like sauces and dressings, but for now I won’t count that. As for dairy, I’m fairly certain dairy causes me to break out, so I’m including it in this challenge. It will also prevent me from eating things like chocolate and ice cream. 

(9) Wake up With Alarm: This means I will wake up with my alarm every morning. I’m still going to allow one snooze, but the idea is that if on a Saturday morning I put 2 alarms for 9 am and 9:30 am.. then I will be out of bed by 9:30 am and not snooze until 2 pm (like I usually do). This is so I can regulate my sleeping pattern and not feel so exhausted during the week. I can also be more productive on weekends.

(10) IF 8 hours/16 hours: This stands for intermittent fasting.. I eat between 1-9pm (8 hours of fed state) and not eat between 9pm-1pm (16 hours of fast state). There’s tons of information you can find about this online and the benefits for it. This is something that I was doing last semester.. not purposely, but because I was so busy and stressed that I only had time to eat twice a day. I ended up losing weight doing this without even trying. This is also going to help my save money, and cut down my decisions throughout the day.

(11) No Data: This one is fairly simple; don’t use data on my phone. Why? Because I only have 1GB of data a month and I ALWAYS go over which means my phone bill is always ridiculously high. My plan is to stop using my data altogether and only use WiFi on it. If there’s an emergency and I need data (i.e. I’m lost in the city and need to pull up google maps), then I will allow myself to use it and not leave a box blank, but I will leave the box blank if I use my data to browse the internet during times that I’m bored in areas without WiFi (like I used to do). 

So that’s it.. those are the 11 habits I will start implementing tomorrow. Let’s see how this works out! Thanks for reading.