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tarithenurse · 5 years ago

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Stranded - 2 of 2 (or 3)

Pairing: Loki Odinson x fem!reader Content: A bit of drama, but mostly fluff. Some errors due to lack of proof reading. A/N: So people liked the original (see Masterlist) and asked for more though I’d meant for it to be a one-shot…and then I thought: why not? There will be one more part after this if you guys are interested, other wise I’ll let this be the last.

Pacing back and forth, Loki only listens half-heartedly to the nonsensical babble of his friends. Lady Sif is entertaining Thor and the Warriors Three with her latest news from the training of the newest guard – she had assisted Tyr in a mock battle which he and his team had lost.

“Loki?” the victorious warrior call out.

The long strides carries the prince in question to the door where he has to turn around. “Yes, marvellous. Well done, lady Sif.”

Raucous laughter finally causes Loki to pause.

“Oh, brother mine,” the deepest voice hollers, “your thoughts are so far astray a skirmish may break out and you would not notice.”

Fandral, at least, finds a smidgen of compassion. “Is it the fate of the Midgardian that troubles you?”

There is understanding to be found despite the mirthful twinkle in his eyes and Loki admits to the worries. The Midgardian has been called before the All-Father, interrupting the stroll through the gardens that she and the raven-haired prince were enjoying after lunch. The two of them spend nigh all their waking hours in the company of each other as though each day is the last, they have together – it may as well be because lady [Y/N] is bound to return to her homeworld sooner rather than later.

Always. A word spoken so easily, taking their willing hearts captive. But always and forever will end eventually, Loki knows, as his father is ill-inclined to allow the use of Bifrost for the youngest son to travel to and from Midgard once [Y/N] has returned to a home she has no longing for.

“But this is simple!” Despite Volstag’s enthusiasm, the rest of the chamber’s occupants wait silently for him to elaborate. “If you cannot go to her then she must stay here.”

Loki frowns. “As much as I would love this, we all know how Odin’s attitu–“

“Yes, yes!” Fandral picks up on his friend’s idea. “A young maiden can easily be disguised among the people of Asgard or Vanaheim for a while until the All-Father’s attention has shifted and he has forgotten about the foreigner –”

“– at which point the young prince conveniently forgets the cause of his broken heart when he finds a new love,” Volstag completes, the two friends beaming.

… Reader …

You had decided with yourself on the very first night in Asgard that you like Frigga. The queen is kind, smart, and wonderfully wise to the point where you’re beginning to suspect that she’s got a lot more to say in terms of the affair of the kingdom than she officially is supposed to. Right now that’s a good thing. Sitting face to face with king Odin all on your own would have been nerve wrecking (the guard in full armour and with a fabulous but rather lethal looking spear might not help either) so you’re thankful for Frigga’s presence.

I wish Loki was here. It’s not the first time the thought presents itself during the audience, but you try your best to keep calm. This is about him too, though. Odin is ignoring that detail quite brilliantly, however, as he talks about your future without pausing for you to get a word in.

The thing is: as a so-called Midgardian, you’re not supposed to have come to Asgard at all. Now that you happen to be there, the quasi-mythological ruler is worried if other people might suddenly pop up from either Earth or anywhere else, really, and as you haven’t been able to explain how you managed the trip…well, it’s hard to put that concern to rest. The next point that Odin wants to discuss (or rather, monologue) is how you were to handle the knowledge you now have of Valhalla and the “realm” once you do return home. At this point, you take a risk by interrupting the old god to promise that of course you wouldn’t say anything to anyone, and at least Frigga supports you (and further adds that no one would believe you anyways which hurts but is true). Odin? Not convinced.

A song you can’t quite remember enough of keeps bouncing around in your brain: Should I stay or should I go now…unfortunately, you can’t recall more of it so it only adds to your frustration. Seeking Frigga’s gaze, you’re seconds away from losing your temper.

“Perhaps, then, we must consider the simpler of two options?” Frigga winks quickly at you, making sure her husband doesn’t see. “It appears to me the best solution would be to have [Y/N] stay. I am certain that she can make herself useful, and although it will be hard to leave everything behind…it time, she might find happiness here?”

You don’t dare to say anything or even breathe as you wait for Odin to make up his mind.

Tugging softly at the beard, the king mumbles to himself. “It would eliminate the risk of the wrong people obtaining any information, exploiting it…”

“Indeed, dear husband.” Frigga has clearly counselled like this before. “Of course…accommodating lady [Y/N] need not be your concern. Such trivial matters could be dealt with by, say, Loki?”

The beard gets an extra tug before the god lights up with a smile, his eye nearly disappearing between the wrinkles. “He has taken quite an interest in you, has he not?” For a second, you recognize Thor in that face.

“Y-yes, your highness, prince Loki-i is very uhmm kind to me.” Nooo, why do I have to stammer?!

“So it shall be,” Odin declares with a grand gesture, “you must remain here...or on Vanaheim if that is more agreeable. Loki will be informed of this and he shall be in charge of your settlement.”

To his right, Frigga winks again, a mischievous smile at the corner of her mouth. “Do not worry, dear girl, I will be delighted to ensure everything is fine.”

It’s clear the audience is over and you get up, making sure to bow (which makes the king guffaw quietly) and thank them both before you rush out.

Every cell of you is aching for Loki with the exception of your braincells that are working overtime to make sense of what just happened. I’m staying? Odin never asked what you wanted and maybe he knew already from the queen whom you’ve talked a lot with about your home and the situation there, but it still feels odd to have someone else make a decision on your behalf as though it isn’t actually your life at all. But…I wanna stay. Pausing briefly next to a statue of a stern-looking Viking, you feel the warmth of the golden metal reflected in your chest and stomach. Yeah, staying feels right. For a moment, you bask in the soothing serenity that everything only can get better from now on.

But…what if…? A new wave of disastrous possibilities rise to engulf you, drown out the joy. Fighting the tide is useless as you own mocking voice pokes fun at you and questions everything you might just have gained. What if Loki doesn’t really want you around? Or if he does, for how long then? A simple “Midgardian” really can’t hold his interest for very long, the sing-song voice in your skull jeers.

A strong arm wraps around your shoulder, bulging muscles squeezing a bit too tight for comfort as they pull you into the shadows behind the golden statue. Too surprised to say anything, you automatically follow the order to remain quiet whispered by a deep voice.

Thor peers at you with gleaming eyes. “Lady [Y/N],” the whisper sounds like a distant rumble of thunder, “do not be alarmed.”

Easy for you to say! The heart is stuck in your throat, hammering frantically. “Oo-kay?”

… Loki …

Urging the stead out of the stables, the young prince resigns to the fact that he will not have a chance to double-check the hastily packed supplies - at the very least the trip to Vanaheim should not last more than a few days, though, now that any official passages are out of the picture.

Loki lingers for a few seconds, looking wistfully at the golden-capped towers of Valhalla before he spurs the horse into a gallop out of the city.

Leaving has never been this hard before. He knows he will return, forced to keep up the charade until the All-Father has forgotten the incident of the Midgardian intruder, but in this very moment, he has left the fate of his true love in the hands of his friends.

The plan is simple. Loki will wait until the cover of darkness at which point Fandral will smuggle [Y/N] out of the castle. Thor will stay behind to distract their father and mother, however in case that is not enough then Lady Sif, Hogun, and Volstag will remain as well to give credibility to any scenario established to throw the king (and potentially Heimdal) off the tracks.

The raven-haired prince prefers to leave with his sweetheart (and argued vehemently for this until Sif commented that he would be the first to be kept under observation as soon as Odin’s mind was made up). No, it will be better that he already is out of sight, and as he is needed to navigate the hidden paths between realms, then this is the only other option.

…

No rest for the wicked. Anxiously pacing around and around the same tree, Loki’s mind is a mess and his guts are filled with alternatingly lead and butterflies. There has been no comfort in the company of his steed as the animal has found a patch of sorrel collecting the evening dew. Now the last bird sings goodnight, ending its tune on a soft twirdle that echoes through the dusk before stilling.

The shadows grow deep. Loki’s horse decides it is time to settle in for the night, rubbing the saddle that lies on the ground into position before lying down with its head upon the embossed leather. The man walking in circles find no rest.

When a light finally can be seen, moving between the trees as a glowing orb entrenched by sharp teeth of darkness, Loki’s heart stops. One horse. He supposes it shouldn’t surprise him. Do Midgardians ride horses nowadays? A tentative breath makes room for normal breathing until he realizes that the single horse only has no rider while merely a single shape walks beside it. Fandral…where is [Y/N]? It is as though a bottomless crevasse open before Loki’s feet, invisible currents trying to pull him in, making him stagger as he steps forward to wards the blond man.

“Where is she?” Loki is aware how his voice shakes, but it does not matter. “Has Odin sent her away already?”

The mischievousness beneath the gentle smile is similar to Loki’s own, yet he cannot abide the sight of it and nearly looses his temper before Fandral finally answers. “As surprising as it may be, our carefully laid plan turns out to be unnecessary for a different reason. Come, my friend.”

… Reader …

You’re steaming with indignation, but thankfully for your surroundings a sense of appreciation for the (misplaced) helpfulness is creeping in…or maaaybe it’s the abashed apologies on repeat from Thor.

He’d scared the life half out of you when he grabbed you, and pretty spot on compared to the myths the guy had carried on with the “plan” without listening to any of the objections launched at him with an increasing amount of violence. Admittedly, your fists probably weren’t the worst pain he’s imagined through his life. It wasn’t until you’d been brought to the rest of the gang that you get a word in, stopping the outrageous escapade.

“We truly were just trying to –“

“I know!” You interrupt Thor a bit harsher than intended. Oops. “I know and I…I’m thankful…it’s just…” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose for a moment, “perhaps it’s best to ask next time if the help is needed?”

The blond warrior slash god has the decency to agree before making himself scarce to see if someone elsewhere needs any help.

Left alone, you finally have a chance to look around the room. It’s not your own but Loki’s and although you’ve been in there before, it’s the first time you really have the time to look around – or more correctly, it’s the first time you’re not being distracted by Loki in all his kind and brainy splendor.

…

Mesmerized by one of the few books you can actually read (honestly, you’d just wanted a peek to see what sort of literature the god likes) the sound of running footsteps barely manage to register with you before the door is slammed open to reveal a dishevelled Loki in front with a Fandral and Thor behind (both looking appropriately apologetic, still).

“[Y/N]…”

The silver tongued prince is rarely in lack of the right thing to say and you would have felt smug about it if it wasn’t for the desperation in his eyes. Large, roaming your face and shape in sign of any sign of distress before they light up with the intensity of a winter’s sun, stealing your breath away and making your knees go soft. An impractical change as you’ve just stood up. But of course, within a split second he’s there, practically sweeping you off your feet and into a lover’s embrace, lips meeting soft and hungry.

When next you become aware of your surroundings, it’s nice to see that the door has been closed to provide the two of you with some privacy.

“I thought…” Loki’s breath fans your cheek and neck. “If only I had dared to imagine father would let you stay…”

Pulling back slightly to kiss his nose, you share the anxious shiver of what could have been. “Your mom probably had something to do with it, to be fair.”

“I shall be sure to thank her.” He is somehow able to lift you and carry you to the bed without getting tangled in the dress you’d been told to wear today by a maid, and for a second it’s like you’re a real princess. “My love.” The plush mattress rises to hold you instead as the gentleman of a god kneels before you. “I could not stand the risk of losing you, not now and not ever…”

Waaaaait a second…

“I have no token to offer you in this moment as a symbol of my undying love, yet I must ask…” At this point you’re certain you feel your brain implode. “Will you take me as your husband?”

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sheeple · 5 years ago

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The intern | 3: ‘First’ blind dates

GIFS NOT MINE. THIS IS ALL FICTION. Genre(s): intern!au / fluff / mild angst Group(s): NCT / Red Velvet Pairing(s): Moon Taeil x fem!reader Summary: The new Elysion Publishings intern is the youngest they ever had. It’s not a problem until she grabs the attention of the IT guy. Warning(s): Age-gap of five years [Masterlist] [Mini masterlist]

“Ahhh”, I groan, smelling my hands in disgust, “my hands still reek like onions. I washed them more than twenty times the past three days.”

As punishment for running away and hiding from Wendy, I had to peel forty unions to help her make some dish she had to make for a family gathering. The worst part is that I couldn’t even eat it.

Wendy scoffs. “That’s for smart-mouthing me. Don’t forget hiding from me! How did you even get from the roof back to your desk without me noticing.”

I shrug with a slight smile. “A question for you, knowledge for me.”

Wendy scoffs again and hits me on the head. I yelp and almost fall of my chair.

“Stop it! I already said that I’m sorry over a thousand times, what more do I have to do to earn your forgiveness?”

She spins around and leans closer to me with a sly smirk. “Go out with my cousin.”

My eyes grow wide and I choke on air. “I.. what?! Your cousin?”

Wendy nods while grabbing her phone. “Yeah. His name’s Mark, a good kid. He only games and hangs around his friends. It’s driving my aunt crazy.”

She shoves her phone under my nose with an Instagram account displayed on it.

“‘mork_thedork’? That’s cute. He’s cute too, though.”

“I know right!”, beams Wendy as I send his Insta to my dm. “Shall I text him to tell he has a date?”

I hum while giving Wendy’s phone back. “Yeah okay. Tell him that he can choose where to go.”

She nods as she turns back towards her desk. Her knee bumps against it and a pen fall off the edge, landing right under my desk. I groan and slide off my chair, reaching my pen.

“Fan of hiding under desks, I see”, jokes a voice and I yelp, letting out a loud ‘oof’ as I hit my head on the desk.

I get away under the table while rubbing my head and see the IT guy standing there with an amused grin on his face.

“Jezus Christ, you scared me to death”, I pout as I get back on my chair.

He laughs, leaning casually on my desk. “Well, you seem fine.”

I roll my eyes. “Har har. What even are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be knees deep in some digital problem?”

“Well, I should, but I was called down to fix the copy machine. And to grab a cup coffee but it seems like that machine is also broken.”

Taeyong lets out a relieved ‘finally!’, and throws his hands up in the air, earning a high five from Johnny

I hum as I ignore the dweebs on front of me, resting my head on my hands and going through my finder to open an InDesign document. “Isn’t fixing copy machines the job of the janitor?”

He nods. “Yup”, he says, popping the p, “but he’s home with a broken foot. Someone dropped an old copy machine from the 90′s on him.”

I giggle. “How suitable.”

As the IT guy wants to say something, his telephone rings and he picks up. He nods and hums, giving multiple yesses before he hangs up.

“I have to go. Promise me we will grab a cup of coffee soon.” He holds up his pinky.

I laugh and link our pinkies. “Promise. Now go.” I shoo him away and wave before he steps into the elevator.

“He was totally flirting with you”, says Wendy while jabbing in my side.

“Was not”, I roll my eyes as I turn back to my laptop screen and push her hand away.

“He was”, say Taeyong and Johnny together in union as they peek over the wall dividers. “From the way the smiled, leaned closer, and not forget the linking of pinkies.” Johnny flutters his lashes dramatically while clasping his hands together.

I snort and push his face away. “Whatever, dweeps.”

“Does he even know that you're a literal child?”, asks Wendy.

I clap my hands together and breath deeply in and out, convincing myself that it is not okay to hit old people. Can’t have a case of elder abuse on my criminal record.

“No”, I say calmly. “I don’t even know his name, how would he know my age?”

“Moon Taeil”, says Taeyong as he picks up a card from the floor, “born June fourteenth in ‘94.”

“He old”, I joke, what earns me a hit on the head from three different sides.

With a pout, I rub my head while grabbing the keycard out of Taeyong’s hands. “I’ll return it during my break.”

“Which is now”, says Johnny after he checks his watch.

“Go to your loverboy.” Taeyong waves me off as I grab my lunch.

“You know, from all the people, I had the most trust in you, Taeyong.” I shake my head in faux disappointment.

And as I walk away, I hear: “call me Oppa, goddamnit!” I imagine him dramatically shaking his fist in the air as he stares at me with drama in his eyes.

I press the button on the twenty-fifth floor and smile at the other people inside the elevator as I get off.

I knock on the door with a slight smile before I walk into the IT room and lean against the desk.

“Well, when I said ‘soon’, I didn’t imagine it being this soon.” The IT guy, now known as Taeil, shows me a charming smile.

It makes my heart flutter, but I quickly dismiss it. I’m not here to find a significant other. I’m here to learn and that’s the only thing I will do.

“Neither did I. But you dropped this on the ground and I thought that you wanted this back.” I lay the keycard on the desk and slide it to him.

“Did I lose it then?”, he questions and I raise my eyebrows.

“Yes. It’s not like Taeyong sneakily grabbed it from your back pocket or so.”

Taeil shakes his head as he puts his keycard back into his pocket. “Thanks, though. You saved me from a lot of unnecessary expenses.”

I cock my head to the side. “How so?”

He folds his arms in front of his chest while leaning onto the desk. “Well, the company doesn’t like it when we lose stuff that is essentially theirs. Such a little keycard can cost up to one-hundred-thousand Won.”

My eyes bulge out. That’s like 75 euros for such a small thing!

“Better not lose mine then”, I chuckle as I grab my lunch. “Well, I will be off to lunch. Bye-bye!” I wave Taeil goodbye and turn around.

“Wait!”, he calls and I stop dead in my tracks. He walks up to me with his hands in his pockets and with a smile, he asks: “have you already eaten up on the roof?”

I shake sadly my head. “Wendy says it’s too cold, even though it’s mid-September. And the guys won’t join because they're just boring.”

Taeil shakes his head smiling. “Shall we go to the roof, together?”

My eyes grow wide. “W... we? Like you and me?”

He licks his lips. “I mean, only if you want to! I’m not forcing anything. If you rather go to your friends, I completely understand.” Taeil turns away with slumped shoulders and I quickly grab his wrist.

“Dude, chill okay? I would really like for us two to eat our lunch on the roof. Lemme text my friend and then we can go.”

“Okay, let’s go”, I say with a bright smile as I send Taeyong a quick text and we walk to the elevator.

After a short ride with the elevator, we arrive at the rooftop and I look in awe around me.

The rooftop is divided in two floors; the first one with bushes and benches where you can lounge around. There’s also a rooftop bar where you can order lunch or just sit around. Above the bar is another garden where you also can sit and eat.

“Wanna sit inside or outside”, questions Taeil and I look around.

Inside is pretty full and the temperature is pleasant since it’s halfway through September.

“Let’s sit outside if that’s okay with you?” I turn towards him and he nods.

We grab a plate of food and settle outside in one of the tables surrounded by bushes and trees.

“So”, I smile, “tell me something about yourself.”

Taeil looks weirdly at me and I cock my head. Did I say something wrong?

“Ahh well... I like to sing? I have a really annoying neighbour.”

“Oh, drama! Tell me about them.” I stuff my face with whatever kind of food is on my plate and munch on it as I look expectantly at him.

Taeil chuckles. “You love your gossips, don’t you? But my neighbour is this old man with twenty cats. He always complains when I have my friends over that the hallway gets dirty and disturbs his cats.”

I scrunch my nose. “That’s nonsense.”

“Right? But I can’t do anything since he’s the uncle of the landlord.” Taeil rolls his eyes as he takes a sip from his coffee. “Just a bunch of favouritism.”

After we chat some more I get a text from Wendy that there’s a team meeting in fifteen minutes. So Taeil and I finish up and get into the elevator to go down.

“See you around?”, I turn around to Taeil and he nods with a smile.

“Definitely.”

I walk out the elevator and give one small wave before I turn around, not seeing his lingering look on me before the doors close.

It’s Saturday, the day of my ‘date’ with Mark. And I am panicking. We’ve agreed to meet at three in a cafe not far from my apartment. But it’s already two-fifty-five and I just left the comfort of my home.

I just couldn’t decide what to wear. First impressions are the most important, so wearing something cute is a must. The weather is also working against me. It’s too cold for just a t-shirt but too warm for a sweater. So I just decided to go with a cute blouse, denim jeans and jacket, and just a small bag to put my keys and phone in.

As I rush into the cafe, my eyes scan around the place. I see a hand shoot up and wave at me as a smile grows on my face.

I walk towards the table where Mark sits and take a seat in front of him.

We’ve texted before so I have a general idea what he looks like because he sent me a snap of his face. But still, a snap is only a couple seconds and he’s cute as fuck.

What is it with Korean people and being fine as fuck?

“He-hi!”, he stutters nervously as he shows me a small smile. “I’m Mark Lee. But you already knew that since you saw my Instagram and Snapchat. You probably also heard it from Wendy and... I’m babbling...” Mark awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, looking away embarrassed.

“It’s okay”, I smile adoringly. “Being nervous is okay. To be honest, I’m quite nervous too.” I lean a bit forward as I whisper the last part.

Mark snorts. “Yeah, as if. Just... look at you.” He points at me and I look down, searching if there is something wrong.

“You’re so beautiful and probably perfect. You should have done this plenty of times.”

My cheeks heat up and I feel the blood rush to my ears. “I have... I─ erhm... Oh my God, I am speechless. Thank you... for the compliment” I bite my lip and run a hand through my hair, ruffling it slightly.

“But I have actually never done this, to be honest. I am always so focused on school that going on dates or even dating never really seemed a thing for me.”

Mark shakes his head. “You should, tho. I bet you have guys falling at your feet back home.”

Now it’s my turn to snort. “As if”, I chuckle while roll my eyes. “I don’t really fit the standard girlfriend-mould most guys my age have.”

He scoffs. “Stupid.”

I smile and turn away, trying to control my blushing cheeks.

“Hi! What can I get you both?”, chimes a girl, taking a notepad out of her apron with a big smile.

“Erm... An iced Americano for me.” Mark folds his hands together.

“An iced Americano noted. And for you?”

I lick my lips, glancing over the menu. “Just a frapé caramel.”

The girl nods while noting our orders and turns around.

“So, your a frapé kind of girl”, laughs Mark while leaning back in his chair.

I shrug and laugh. “Oh well, you know, just being a basic white girl.”

Mark laughs loudly at my statement as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

Our drinks come shortly after since there are only a few people in the cafe and I sip it.

“Are you also one of those anti-reusable straw supporters?” Mark grins while sipping his Americano.

“As if. Back home the whole save-the-turtles-thing”, while saying, I spread my hands and shake them, doing way too enthusiastic jazz hands, “is not really big.”

Mark raises his eyebrows while letting out a gasp. “You brutes! Your home country sounds like a weird place, no offence”, he jokes.

“None taken.”

“But, how are you nineteen and already in your graduation year of college?”

I lick my lips and inhale deeply. “Are you ready for a long and complex explanation of the school system?”, I ask while looking him deeply in the eye, leaning towards him.

Mark does the same and nods.

“Okay, so. Children start primary school when their four. They continue it for eight years and then they go to high school. But here’s the catch; we get divided into different levels depending on how smart you are.”

Mark nods slowly, processing the information he just received. “So, you’re like twelve years old when you enter high school.”

I nod while taking a big gulp of my frapé. “Indeed. The lowest level ─ let’s call it pre-vocational for now ─ is four years. You’re sixteen when you graduate. The next level is called ─ and I kid you not ─ higher pre-vocational. That is five years and you will be seventeen while graduating.”

“Every level higher is a year more?”, he asks unsure and I nod.

“Yup. There is another level that is six years but that’s for the really smart people. They’re eighteen when done.”

Mark exclaims in wonder while nodding slowly. “Let me guess, you did the highest?”

I laugh loudly. “As if. I did pre-vocational and then got to do a study graphic design at vocational level. But there’s a catch.”

“There’s always a catch. What did you do? Murder someone?”

“I wish”, I laugh, “but no. I was actually three and a half when I started primary school so I actually need to be a year lower. The kindergarten group at my school what chock full so they said children born between September 27th until October 27th can go to first grade.”

Mark’s mouth falls open as he looks at me shocked. “So you shouldn’t even be here?”

I exclaim and give him a shove against his shoulder. “I so do!”

“You so totally murdered someone. This is too wild to be true. You can’t be smarter than me.”

I roll my eyes. “Now, tell about yourself! We’ve only talked about me and it gets boring.”

“Thank God you finally noticed”, he jokes and I kick him under the table, making him choke on his coffee.

“Well... I just graduated high school and just started college. I major in music.”

“Oooh, that sounds like so much fun! What instruments can you play? Can you also sing?”

My bombardment of questions makes him blush and he looks away. “I mean, I think I am pretty solid at singing. If you want to hear, you can check my Soundcloud, I post there some of my own works. My friends also join me sometimes.”

I hum. “I saw the link on your Insta. I’ve yet to check it out. I promise though.”

“Yo-you do?”

I nod and hold up my pinky. “Once you pinky promise, you can’t back out.”

We link your pinkies and I swear, I never saw a happier smile on anyone’s face than Mark’s at that moment.

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pisati · 5 years ago

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I already posted on main about it and I’ve got nowhere else to really vent. I know my co-receptionist is active on twitter and I don’t know if she’s ever tried to look for me (probably not), but I don’t want to risk complaining where she could possibly see.

it’s just been a long, shitty week. and it’s only tuesday. we had two euthanasias yesterday and two today. usually we get one TOPS in a week. most weeks we don’t have any.

I don’t know how many weeks we’ve been doing this now, but it’s definitely been over a month. I’ve worked with the lead receptionist a bunch since I started. she’s nice, but she’s very much got her own personality. she’s from new jersey, and that’s the explanation for a lot of her attitude, she says. I respect her and how well she knows herself and her boundaries. but I really feel like she could be a little nicer. I get that she’s worked in healthcare for a long time and she’s seen some shit but she acts like she knows everything and sometimes it’s just really insensitive.

I don’t think she means to sound rude, but there have been times when I’ve been talking about something and she’s only half-listening, usually because she’s working on something, and she’ll finish what she was doing and go “now what are you babbling about?” she did it to one of the techs the other day too. I know she just means to ask “what were you saying?” but it really makes me feel like whatever I’m saying is just nonsense to her, like I’m running at the mouth and whatever it is isn’t important.

we listen to what she wants to listen to. for 12 straight hours, 3 days a week, every week. according to her my music taste is respectable, but “a lot of sad-sackery”, so we listen to her music. we have limited overlap, but I don’t say anything. not because I don’t want to start an argument, I’m pretty much cool with whatever. but I’ve noticed that when we listen to what she likes, it’s often just a small handful of things she likes. I KNOW DMX has way more songs than just the same few. same with nicki minaj and beyonce. we’ve listened to some rage against the machine, which I can appreciate, but there are definitely way more songs than just killing in the name, bombtrack, take the power back, and know your enemy. I’ve listened to musical soundtracks. we did les mis and chicago and maybe a few others last week. I’ve sat there and watched videos I didn’t care to watch, because she’s really enthused about black opera singers and bruce springsteen and whomever the fuck else, because I like to think I’m a nice person and when someone is excited about something and wants to share it I let them be fucking excited about it, even if I don’t give half a flying fuck about it. today was a disney day, apparently, so I listened to soundtracks for mary poppins, the little mermaid, and beauty and the beast. sound of music too. whatever other eclectic songs tickle her fancy on any given day. but I’ve noticed it seems to just be the things she likes. I’ve come to work on disney days before but I don’t recall hearing soundtracks to more than just a few movies. I tried to get her to listen to a little hozier once or twice; since she’s a singer we often end up talking about vocal talent. and I was trying to show her what a great vocalist he is. she listened to maybe a few seconds of a song or two and, nah, not her taste. she gets why someone like me would like his voice, though. today she was laughing about something one of the techs had said; we have a whiteboard in the back hallway and every week or so someone (her, maybe?) puts up a prompt and people can write their responses. ya know, team bonding, sorta. this week she’d put up “what two famous people would you like to have dinner with?” and one of the techs had written “leo dicaprio and billie eilish”. and she was laughing about it. she’s not a fan of billie’s popular stuff. I told her about how I didn’t think I’d much like billie at first, but I listened to her whole album and I was surprised, I thought she had a really nice voice. just.. nope. I asked if I could play one song. just one. nope, nope, nope. she’d listened to half a second of each song on her album and decided she didn’t like any of them. I didn’t press.

yesterday she really just... ugh. the head vet had come up to the front desk to tell us that a really sweet client offered to buy us lunch, and did we have any ideas on what we’d like? they were thinking panera. I wasn’t sure if there was anything there I’d eat, but I’d take a look at the menu. my coworker had piped up with “she’s like super picky” and then ensued the “so what do you eat?” conversation. I didn’t really have much to say, since I’m tired of that fucking question and I don’t have such a small palate that I can just list off everything. she interrupted with “mac and cheese, I know that.” I forget what else she said, but I tried to explain that it was a sensory issue and there’s actually a disorder that involves a sensory rejection of food that lasts well into adulthood, and she was just sitting there next to me trying to hold back laughs. I asked her what was funny, she goes “it just sounds like picky eating, like it sounds so ridiculous”.

yeah, because I love being 25 and not being able to go to more than a tiny handful of restaurants with friends because those few places have one thing on the menu I’ll eat. I fucking love being too deeply embarrassed to special-order anything plain that I’d rather not eat at all. I love the “so what DO you eat” question, I love being laughed at and made fun of, I love feeling like a child who could never “grow out of it”. I really fucking love it, that’s why I continue to do this to myself. fuck’s sake.

this is the person who takes euthanasias so seriously that she’ll fuck anyone’s day up if they interrupt her while she’s getting paperwork together or if they’re being loud while the owner is in the room. she told me about her home health care work and how she dealt with a lot of people who were in hospice and she was real sympathetic to just about anything, because they were dying. I know I’m not dying, this doesn’t involve death, but the complete lack of empathy towards me just... really hurts. here I am trying to explain myself the way I always feel the need to, because I apparently have to have a fucking reason why I’m so picky, and she won’t hear any of it. she was fucking laughing at me.

I don’t feel disliked at my job, but I’m getting that feeling like I did in high school and college. like I’m both a part of something and not. I know I’m weird and a little awkward, but... she talks to people on the other team and they leave memes for each other. there’s a new girl on the other team who only started a month or two ago, but my co-receptionist is leaving memes for her specifically; the new girl even called today and she picked up, and they were having a riot of a conversation from what I could hear; a lot of genuine laughter, and I could hear the way she was talking, it sounded just so natural. a lot of the time with me she doesn’t quite sound like that. she’s got a pretty dirty sense of humor, and she was leaving some pretty gross memes for the new girl, meanwhile there was a video she’d shown the new doctor and the head vet that she didn’t want to show me because she “wasn’t sure if we were there yet”. she’d already described it to me, and she finally showed it to me today; it was just some nerdy guy singing about pussy in an 80s R&B voice. nothing I couldn’t have found somewhere on the internet myself. hell, it’s probably already floating around tumblr somewhere. idk, I don’t feel disliked but I am starting to feel left out. like, even the new people are more integrated than I am, and I’ve been there 8 months. I don’t know why this happens to me literally everywhere I go. every job, every school (except IUP somehow??), fucking everything. I just never feel like a true part of anything and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m not unfriendly. I don’t think I’m unapproachable. maybe I really just am that boring.

I’m just really tired of this. when she was out sick that one day last week, and I had to handle 13 straight hours of reception basically by myself, with some help from the office manager, I actually felt less tired than when she was there. I feel like I have to put on a face for her, like I have to pretend to be interested in whatever she’s going on about all day. I can’t say anything to her because she’s the lead receptionist, but it’s been getting on my nerves lately that I try to actually do work and she’s sitting there looking at memes, telling me she has to find this particular one of jason momoa so she can print it out have it at her desk because he’s just so attractive

I didn’t get a break yesterday, because our doctors were lagging so far behind and I had to keep the phones on. she left to go do something, and I was left to answer phones by myself. I almost didn’t get a break today either; there were still one or two clients left by 1pm and I couldn’t turn the phones over to the break message, and she had a thing to do with her car so she’d be back. I forget how I ended up mentioning that I didn’t get a break yesterday either and she was like “well that’s me the other times the doctors are behind. it’s your turn”. and while that is fair... one of the techs came up to talk to her after she’d left. she looked at me and was like, “where’s trish?” and I was like “... on break”. and she looked at me and I looked at her and she was like “...she’s been taking more breaks than any of us”. and I was like “yyyyep.” she goes out a few times during the day to have a cigarette too. usually when it’s quiet, but of course in the space of 10 minutes there’s a lot that can happen. often it does. thankfully today we had those last few clients out by 1:30 so I did get to clock out, and she let me stay off the clock until 2:30. but if the doctors were as behind today as they were yesterday, I’d have had no break today either.

we pretty much only ever talk about what she wants to talk about. she’s constantly interrupting me or talking over me, so I just let her talk. I’ve heard more about her wild sex life back in her 20s than I’d ever care to know. today she told a story three times (once to me, once to the head vet, and once to one of the techs) about how she can accurately guess a man’s dick size by the way he walks, and how she did this to some guy she dated in her early 20s and he was surprised by it. I don’t want to make things tense or awkward by saying I don’t want to talk about these things and I’d personally rather listen to music that keeps me calm and just quietly scan, fax, label, and attach things in between the periodic phone calls, but I can hardly get a word in edgewise anyway, so it’s mostly just me listening. she’s let me know in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t like rats and doesn’t think they’re cute; doesn’t want to see pictures of them, just.. nothing. I personally think that you can’t claim to love animals if you only love the ones you think are cute. but I don’t even know if she does. I couldn’t tell you why she’s working at a vet clinic.

it’s fucking exhausting. it’d be exhausting with alexa too, I know that for a fact. I’m getting better at my job but I still need a supervising receptionist, so either way I’d have to deal with one of the two. I’m just glad it’s only 3 days a week, but even my 4 day weekends are flying by. the days are all blending together and I’m having a hard time getting my brain to work. none of this is easy. but it definitely doesn’t help to have to work with someone who’s so rigid about everything they do; like, I spend all fucking day listening to what you have to say and listening to every single song you want to listen to and watching every stupid video you think is funny (though some of them are; other times it’s like.. something reminded her of a veggie tales episode so now we have to watch it), and I can’t even play one song I like because you’ve listened to a split second of it and automatically think you don’t like it? the fuck, dude.

just.. the way she acts like she knows everything about the way people act, and how little tolerance she has for bullshit. I appreciate that second bit, but there’s other times when she really just has no sympathy and I feel like everything would be easier if she did. yesterday our one doctor was lagging really far behind and she was getting so annoyed because he had all this time for his appointments and people were having to wait and he never caught up all day; one of the clients ended up being one who was VERY particular about estimates and payments and shit and apparently he’d fucked something up after she had told him and the tech well ahead of time to be very careful with her. and she’d about had enough of him after that. by the end of the day he looked like he was either about to cry or had been crying. and he apologized to her for fucking up; I forget exactly what he said and she accepted his apology, but it almost seemed superficial. she had had it. the second she was done with her shit for the night she left. I stayed a few extra minutes to do something, but... like, even I could tell there was more to the story there. you don’t just lag all day for no reason, and especially not when you have to start the day on a euthanasia that wasn’t expected. I get that when you’ve worked with people for so many years you end up with a low tolerance for bullshit, but come on. I’ve been dealing with shitty people my whole life but I at least understand what it’s like to have a bad day. this particular doctor, a lottttt of the staff has a problem with, for many reasons. he’s only ever been nice to me, and I don’t know a lot of what goes on that annoys reception and the techs so much (often it’s some of his medical decisions, which... I wouldn’t know anything about that. how am I supposed to know what his rationale was for prescribing meloxidyl for a rhodesian ridgeback? the owner asked me for a refill and I requested it). so I guess some people’s patience runs low with him. but even so, I don’t think I could ever lack empathy that much. no matter how long I do this shit. I was tempted to ask him if he was okay, but I figured he had a lot on his plate to get to. he was there til like 10 last night, and his worklist was really long today too. I could tell he’s been on edge since last week. it’s not my business to know why, and I don’t have to. just be fucking nice to people, lmao

for someone who’s so picky about her music taste, she’s got no fucking right to talk about my eating. she won’t even venture outside the things she likes. she decides once that she doesn’t like something and that’s the end of it. so why is it suddenly a problem when I don’t want to try a variety of foods?

I’m just. really frustrated. I don’t want to have to vent about my coworkers but I’m not going to get through this easily. we don’t even know how long we’re going to have to do this. I found out today alexa’s husband is now in the hospital; they’re treating it like COVID and/or really bad pneumonia, but what the fuck does that mean for her team? for mine? did she bring germs to the clinic? is she going to have to quarantine along with her team? is my team going to have to run shit? I have no idea, and I only found out about this through facebook. I haven’t heard anything else from anyone. we do sanitize between teams so there’s a low risk of cross-contamination, but... we don’t get everything. there’s no way to.

I need to go to bed soon. I’m so glad tomorrow’s my friday. I’m ready for this week to be over.

#ugh.

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