#I am fully aware of the irony of playing Tighnari while being extremely directionally challenged

[avionvadion]

Me- Tighnari

Sister- Diluc

Sister’s Other Friend- Kaeya, Shinobu

Fighting the Hydro Hypostasis, Tighnari gets thrown back by an attack: “The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch-!”

Kaeya, absolutely losing it: “The lion, the witch, and the audacity-! Bwahahahaha!”

Diluc: “This is officially my new favorite line. I’m going to use this forever now.”

…

Tighnari, lost, very directionally challenged, trying to find way back to the Hydro Hypostasis and reunite with Kaeya and Diluc: “Where am I!? Oh gods, Mirror Maiden-! Mirror Maiden! Don’t attack me-! No, climb! Phew, how did that miss me!? WAH! WALKING FAST, WALKING FASTER!”

Kaeya, from far ahead: “No, nooooooo! Don’t! Nooo!

Tighnari: “Wait, what’s happening!?”

Diluc, wheezing: “Kaeya-“

Kaeya: “I’m dead! I just died!”

Tighnari: “What?”

Diluc, still laughing: “Kaeya drowned!”

Tighnari, still lost but also now cackling as well: “Noooo, Kaeya!”

…

Once more, lost on way to the Hydro Hypostasis because of teleporting to the wrong spot-

Tighnari, hearing more shouting and laughter from Kaeya and Diluc: “What’s happening!? What happened now?”

Kaeya: “Diluc is dead!”

Tighnari: “WHAT.”

Diluc: “My glider lagged and didn’t work, and I fell in the waterfall, and then I was just dead!”

…

Once again, lost.

Tighnari: “Ooooh, Kaeya! I’m going to follow Kaeya!”

Kaeya runs in the wrong direction: “Where are we?”

Tighnari: “…Wait, I think we’re-“

Diluc, waiting for Tighnari and Kaeya by the Hypostasis: “You’re going on the wrong way!”

Tighnari and Kaeya: “Oh-!”

…

Tighnari: “Oooh, Kaeya! I’m gonna follow you!”

Kaeya: “Didn’t we learn that’s a bad idea since I got lost last time?”

Tighnari: “Yeah, but it’s better to be together than separated! That way, if anything happens, we’ll at least be able to help each other! Besides, I’m always lost.”

…

After beating the Hydro Hypostasis for the twentieth time, Tighnari and Kaeya start sparring.

Diluc: “I love how you two are just attacking each other.”

Kaeya, runs off and uses special. Tighnari shoots him with his own special. Diluc is watching in amusement. Kaeya eventually dodges and nears Diluc.

As Tighnari prepares another attack, Kaeya attacks Diluc.

Diluc: “EXCUSE YOU-!”

Diluc blasts Kaeya with all three of his specials. Kaeya starts running for it while Diluc chases him at full speed.

Tighnari, wheezing: “This is how Kaeya loses his other eye!”

Diluc and Kaeya, both cackling and losing it. Diluc unleashes his bird attack before running full speed again after Kaeya. Diluc: “I’m taking your other eye, Kaeya!”

Tighnari: “O-Oh, wow. Diluc really has it out for him. Oof. This is happening, okay. Here, I’ll help- ack, stay still so I can snipe you!”

Kaeya: “No!”

Diluc: “RETRIBUTION!”

Tighnari: “Headshot- noooo, I lagged! I was about to shoot your other eye!”

Kaeya: “Ha!”

…

While fighting the Hydro Hypostasis

Shinobu- suddenly dies.

Kaeya: “WHAT JUST HAPPENED!??? SHINOBU JUST GOT BARRELED OVER!!!”

Diluc: “I saw!!!”

Tighnari: “Wait, WHAT!? That’s what happened!?”

Kaeya: “Shinobu got stuck BENEATH the cubes and they just killed her!”

Tighnari: “LIKE A STEAMROLLER!???

Kaeya: “EXACTLY LIKE A STEAMROLLER!”

Diluc: “Shinobu, noooo!”

Genshin Co-op Highlights (which is mostly me being a chaotic dumb dumb and my sister/sister’s friend have the patience of saints)

Me- Kaeya, Amber, Lumine

Sister- Aether, Razor, Bennet

Sister’s Friend- Zhongli

Low-level Kaeya following high-level Aether up a cliff. Stamina gives way. Starts falling.

Kaeya: “Frick, I’m dead! Oh, no, wait.”

Sees health bar that’s in the red. Starts climbing.

Kaeya: “I’m still alive! Now again!”

Falls. Sees healthbar reach zero.

Kaeya: “...Okay, now I’m dead.”

Aether, amused and surprised from atop very tall cliff: “Wait, seriously?”

Kaeya: “Yup, it’s okay, though. Let me eat some food.”

...

Aether, gesturing to a very large coliseum: “And this is where you fight the big wolf guardian dude!”

Kaeya, nodding along and squinting while observing the area. “Hmm... I don’t like it. There’s not enough running away room.”

Aether: “...That’s because there IS no room to run away.”

...

Razor and Kaeya running around Mondstat. Razor, confused: “Where are all the monsters?”

Kaeya, pondering the question: “I guess I killed them all.”

Razor: “They should respawn though!”

Kaeya: “...I was very efficient.”

Razor: “I wAS VeRy EfFecient!”

...

Kaeya, frowning, staring at a Geoculus: “How the frick am I supposed to get it?” Starts jumping around, climbing trees.

Aether: “You can’t.”

Kaeya: “WATCH ME!”

Kaeya starts jumping around again. Stops.

Kaeya: “Oh no, wait. Hold on.”

Visits statue, becomes Lumine, returns to Geoculus area. Summons geo boulder and misses.

Lumine: “...Okay, one more time.”

Climbs atop second geo boulder that is severely twisted inside a rock. Jumps and gets Geoculus.

Lumine, a victorious gremlin: “NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!”

...

Kaeya, running excitedly in circles around Zhongli: “He’s so pretttyyyy!!!”

Zhongli, very amused: “Right??? Voice is super deep too. Here.”

Proceeds to show off every single one of his attacks so voice lines could be heard.

Zhongli: “Zhongli is called “Daddy no Money” since he’s always forgetting Mora. It’s great.”

Kaeya: “...So he’s the opposite of a sugar daddy????”

Zhongli, cackling: “Basically, yeah!”

Kaeya, squinting: “I have so much Mora though. I could buy him all the things!!! Make it a contract or something. I pay for whatever he wants and he hangs around me.”

Zhongli: “So we’d basically be paying him to be our friend, lol.”

Aether: “He IS very strict about contracts. It could work.”

Kaeya: “...Dragon man shall be my friend. Or he would be, at least, if I didn’t join the game a month late.” Sighs. “One day. One day beautiful dragon man shall come home”.

Zhongli, dying in the background from laughter.

...

Bennet attacking enemies. Kaeya, at level fifty, gliding off a cliff to approach enemies. Miscalculated trajectory of the glide to enemies. Goes to smash the enemies on the ground.

Kaeya dives past them to the cliff side, towards water. Dies.

Becomes Amber: “Holy frick I died!!! What just happened!??”

Aether: “Wait, what’s wrong!?”

Amber, looking around, starts to climb but loses stamina halfway, falls back to the tiny and only foothold on the cliff edge: “I think I’m stuck.”

Aether: “Where ARE you!?”

Amber: “At the bottom of the cliff! I dived to attack and then Kaeya died! It’s just ocean. I can’t climb up either. I misjudged the distance.

Aether: “...Can you teleport?”

Amber: “...Yeah, hold on.”

Teleports, glides back, enemies are dead. Turns into Kaeya.

Kaeya: “The risk I took was calculated, but-“

Aether: “-man, you’re bad at math.”

...

Razor: “I taste... blood!”

Kaeya, starts icing enemies in a rage, dashing towards him: “HOW DARE YOU HIT MY SON!”

Razor becomes Aether: “Razor is the best boy! WE MUST PROTECT!”