#I am full of a three pronged loss tonight

[isdalinarhot]

Grief sucks. I’ve e experienced it before but right now it feels especially pertinent. And symbolic. Today I learned my “childhood” (I was 13 when we got them) dogs are dying. I learned that they are having treatment to make them thrive but they will be put down soon. And that is killing me. I loved those dogs so much. They were so kind and so cute and I loved them so much. Today I learned that my great uncle is dying. He is such a great man. He struck forth and took a career in music no matter how lucrative it seemed. He got engaged to his husband in the heat of the AIDS pandemic, when it seemed all gay boomers would die. He managed to live long enough to marry him legally in the year 2008, and he lived a long full life with the love of his life and it brings me so much joy and gay optimism for my future that when I transed my gender and needed a new middle name I took his first name for that. And now he’s in hospice due to Alzheimer’s and while I am overjoyed that someone who was gay in the peak of the AIDS crisis got to die of a run of the mill old age disease it still hurts that he’s in the process of dying. I don’t know. And today my purple Invader Zim shot glass, which I love so much, fell from the countertop which I rested it on and it shattered into many many pieces. And it broke me inside to see that it broke, when I had an attachment to it, the same day I learned so many of my loved ones were dying. And I know it’s silly, it’s just a piece of glass, but holy shit people. Holy shit. I’m going to Spencer’s tomorrow. I’m looking for another tasteful 1.5 oz shot glass. But the symbolism is still there. The symbolism that everyone you love will eventually die. And my grief laden body will accept this. And cry so hard. But I don’t know. I don’t know.