#I am easily distracted tho soooooo

[satans-knitwear]

I'll let you win. A little bit.

Treat me~ Tip me ~ More of me

[foursdarkdays]

i like a girl lol

Sooooooooooooo ummm the title of this rant? would be "i like a girl" lmaooo Soooooo yeah theres a girl i kinda like?? its nothing serious tho but yeah i like her ig, she's not really my type tho but idk . She treats me so well i cant help it. i feel things lol. I keep checking my phone every second of the day (just did again) and it sucksssss. She kinda likes me back? atleast thats what she says . but idk i dont think so. The possibility is too narrow but yeah.

She has a boyfriend lol and its not like i care tbh cause its not like i wanna make her cheat on him something i mean she wouldnt and i wouldnt want her to. Also i know this isjust a phase for her and itll go away soon. for her or for me. Yk know i cant like someone for long especially if i dont see a possibilty of us dating. so yeah im gonna go with the flow rn. She told me that she had a crush on me since months tho but again ahh i dont think so. maybe shes overthinking . maybe she just wants to be my friend.

anywayyy soo im just going with the flow. we flirt a lot. we blush a lot. Thta bitch flirts with othets and makes me jealous lmao dumb fuck and i do the same bwahaah. sooooo yeahhhh i know after whatever this thing is ends im gonna be sad af for 2 weeks i think? cause we talk so much and its gonna be lonely. but again im a pro at moving on soooooooooo

7/10/23 (1:51am)

(im gonna keep adding the rants)

and the best thing about this is that i'm very well prepared for the heartbreak so im sure it wont hurt much lol im actually very sure about that. I always expect the worst in these things so its going to be chill. I'm sure shell come out of this phase soon and it will only be a memory for both of us. mostly in a good away tho. I'm not gonna take this too seriously and just have fun. you're flirting? okay ill flirt back. you're treating me well? ill do the same yeah thats it lol

i have a strong gut feeling that this is gonna end soon like 3-4 days? i dont know. lets see

7/10/23 (18:25)

Oh wow soooo it almost ended that day lollll but then yeah we kinda talked it out? Anyways i feel like something changed after that. I think in a good way? The obsession feelings decreased and maybe the good friendship feelings increased? I honestly have no idea and i should probably stop trying to figure it out lol. Anyway now I'm back and i think she doesn't like me anymore. Maybe I'm just over thinking? But lol nvm let's see how it goes

11/10/23 (2:05am)

Lmao bitch read this post. anyways im gonna act like no one knows about this account. Its soooooo scary i know i've told this before but its just really scary. See i have trust in myself that if IF something goes wrong ill move on fast, OKAY WHY AM I OVERTHINKING AGAIN. lets fuck this. SHES SO CUTE IM SO OBSESSED I HATE HER SO MUCH. ITS SO MUCH FUN TALKING TO HER. even though sometimes i really wanna push her off a cliff but its okay. I wanna write so much but im blank again wtf

14/10/23 (01:48am)

Why do i feel like she hates me now. Maybe she'll finally lose feelings. i mean yeah thats okay and understandable but it'll be too sudden so idk. I'm ready for anything at this point . I wanna text her but i guess ill give her space. I'll just distract myself and sleep. She has nooooooo idea about the amount of over thinking im doing rn. im so sure shes done with me and will never see my face again. lemme prepare myself. Thankfully im veryyy tired so ill fall asleep easily.

14/10/23 (9:22 pm)

i randomly have such sudden outbursts of love for this baby. i want to cup her face and kiss her whole face , i want to hug her to my chest and kiss her head and baby the fuck out of her. She's gonna cringe reading this (please dont). I want to like put our foreheads together and close my eyes and feel it yk??? i sound soooooo weird. Please dont be creeped out

15/10/23 (10;02pm)

I like her so much like so so so so so so much. Its very scary and i know for a fact that i will be hurt later but ugh its sooooo worth it. I'm sooooo happy with her. The feelings keep growing and i dont think im gonna let it stop. its okay ill let it grow. yoloooo sooo ahhhhh. We just had a pubg date sksksksk shes soooooooo ahhhhh. She flirts so confidently , i was panicking behind the pubg call sksknjiuck. anywaysssss ugh I want to kiss her sooooooooooooooooo bad like fuckkkkkkkkkk i wanttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!.

20/10/23 (01:13am)

Hiii so idk bro she says she's more obsessed with me but obviously i disagree. I think i really fell harder lol I mean it's scary af but anyways. Idk she can go for hoursssss without talking to me and be fine and me ? Lolllllll I try to text back whenever I can but she doesn't do that. Maybe I'm asking too much. Okay i should chill out fr. I don't wanna depend on anyone lol. I only want fun stuff here even though i know I'm kinda in deep but anyways it'll be okay. I know she's putting a lot of effort i shouldn't complain. I'm getting more than i deserve anyway. And I AM happy af. I just miss her i guess. I sound sooooo stupid. Ugh I hope she doesn't read this

21/10/23 (17:12)

(23/10/23) 1:40am

She didn't text me back today. But I'm gonna be understanding. I don't want to overthink. Not today . There are so many possibilities and i wanna listen to her . I really want to be understanding. Because i genuinely care . I didn't text her back till 2pm due to some valid reasons tho but anyway I feel calm now. I texted in our gc and she seen zoned but maybe she has her reasons . Let's see . I don't want to think about anything. I really hope she's alright .

It's like i want her to text me about her day and all but then I don't want to expect much i don't want her to do zyada also idk she's already treating me nicely and it makes me happy. Its honestly more than enough and I don't want to be greedy.

23/10/23 (19:12)

okay sooo ummm the reality is hitting me these days. I was okay being the side chick but its really hitting me lol. Its not like she makes me feel that way nahhh she shows that she cares. Its just that idk maybe im only stupid. she flirts with others and sends me screenshots and everytime she does that i lose little feelings. Even though she does that for fun idk. If she keeps doing this, i might actually lose feelings lol idk how to tell her that. I dont wanna bicker or anything i dont have the strenght and anyway she'll be like nooo i do it for fun only because im cool. **heavy sigh** nvm . but should i let her know? communication is good yk. i guess ill try tonight. if she doesnt fall asleep. Okay ill tell her that, rest is her wish lol .

oh yeah btw todays our 1 month anniversary???? ehehehehe

okay she fell asleep, shes really sick so i hope she feels better soon.

but anyway i keep feeling stupid lmaoooooo i need to stop feeling this way and accept it. Thats the only way lol

21:23 (30/10/23)

Wah its been long, soooo umm idk we kinda had a disagreement? i honestly dont know what that was but yeah im 1000% sure that it wasnt my fault. i took my time to write and explain everything but nah i guess shes mad at me? ofcourse she is. we didnt talk the whole day and its kinda driving me crazy but im trying to look normal. I wont text her first , not because i have ego or anything but because im not at fault here. She took things a little too far and i got triggered. But again i did explain her everything like why it triggered me and all because i didnt want any misunderstanding. But yeah shes mad at me for that? i honestly dont know what to do. is this the end of us? i dont want it to end like this. I'm not ready but i also wont text first. She needs to own up to her mistakes. I miss her. I miss her so much . please text me ughh .

its okay i guess. this is like a break for us i think i dont know how this will end up

22:56(7/11/23)

lmao i got on with a lot of thoughts in my head but as usual im black again. sooo i cant stop thinking about her and its scaring the shit out of me. Atp im pushing myself to go out with friends and family just to divert myself from thinking about her lmaooo yeah its that bad. The worst part is even k-pop idols are not helping me this time. Its always her on my mind. But ill try my best to distract myself because i feel very one sided. Its prolly not but kinda is . idk. But i'm also behaving the same way with her ig? i talk about idols and behave like they're the only ones on my mind when its absolutely false. I'm sure its not the same for her tho. she really isnt that whipped for me lol. and thats okay. ill keep trying to calm myself down . BUTTT the more i try the more i think. What do i do?

05:36am (17/11/2023)

we had a talk yesterday and it hit a nerve, It hit a wrong spot and now idk what i feel anymore. It was hurting. My heart felt like it would explode. I felt too much that i dont feel it now. No i'm not over her. It'll take time for sure but something snapped for sure. I'm taking a break today, from her. I need to analyze my feelings and emotions and think. I need to be ready for whatever is about to come. and i will be, Im strong and i can do it.

I never spoke about this or wrote it here but i think i should now. I need to analyze my feelings and write it out. I like her. i like her a lot. It was all happy happy at first, just us flirting. It wasnt that serious. But it did get serious later. A lot of feelings got involved. I know i know that she has a boyfriend and that i am a second option. I know its genuine and she really likes me. But i sometimes i wish the other way around. Everytime she mentions her boyfriend, its like a stab in my heart and reality hits me. I get distant for a bit. idk if she notices. its not her fault tho, I cant talk to people about this because i know what they're gonna say. "its all your fault, you knew she was taken but you still chased her. its all on you. you"re stupid for even hoping or wanting something from a straight taken woman" oh dont even get me started on how much it hurts when she tells me shes straight. Its gives me mixed signals. she says she wants to kiss me, hold me and do things with me and then she says shes straight. see i know sexuality is not an easy thing, it takes a lot of time and courage and thinking to come to a conclusion and tbh its okay even if she doesnt, but i cant stop my feelings and my overthinking. what if she doesnt really like me and its really just a phase shes going through. because im confident about the way i feel. i like women, i like her, romantically , emotionally and sexually.

i want her. i want her so bad even if its for a month, i want to experience how it feels like to be in a real relationship with her but i know its impossible. Like that equation doesnt even exist.

yesterday night, when she told me she loved me. i couldnt say it back. I didnt have enough energy to feel things because my heart was already hurting. Thats why im taking a break from her today, Her calling me baby , princess and whatever cute things she does , its making me feel guilty. She shouldnt do those things for me, but i want it . i dont know what im typing honeslty. i just want her so bad but i know i shouldnt. i NEED to tone down now . from my side, ill take the love shes giving me, also reciprocate. but not more than that because even i feel guilty and shes going through things because of me, she says its worth it but is it? i know that one day both of us will move on from this. I'm pretty sure we're gonna think about this and laugh but right now i want her, But i also dont , But i do. lol.

14:04 (21/11/23)

Hi, lol. I feel so much for her. like so so so so much. what we have is so precious and important to me. i dont want to let her go. As a girlfriend, yeah i guess one day we'll have to part, but as a friend? i dont want to lose her. I may sound greedy but along with her girlfriend(idk what we are but lets pretend im her girlfriend) right now, i also want to be her second best friend. Is it too much to ask ? i mean i guess it is. It hasnt been that long but our emotional bond is too strong and idk if ill ever find it anywhere else. Even if i dooo ugh idk i just want her for a long time. Even after we break up and take our time off, i want her to talk to me. This may sound selfish but yeah. I still want her to come nag to me, complain about things and share her problems, emotions etc. Relationship issues, marital issues, friendship issues, work related issues, family issues, financial issue etc like literally anyyything. I want her to feel comfy with me, I will never force her tho. I just hope things turn out this way instead of us completely falling apart. Because if it breaks , im sure itll take more than 2 years for me to open up tp anyone again. After my last ex best friend , i really shut myself off and it was lonely. I do have friends and i know they are always there for me but i cant open up to them. emotionally. But with her i can. So i want her , need her for a long time. We may drift . life is unpredictable and people change so its okay but i hope both of us try our best. I know she said she ignores and ghosts her close friends when she feels something is off and then they drift apart but i want her to really try for us. Idk if it will be worth it for her but i want her to try because i know i will. unless she wants otherwise. lol why am i having such emotions today? this is the first time im feeling this way. with us i mean. okay ill stop now.

26/11/23 22:30

I think I'm in love lol idk I tried so much to not be 'in' love and to just love her but I think I failed at it. I'm even scared to admit it to myself because I'm a coward. I still don't want to admit it to myself. I love her so much . I feel so stupid for loving someone who loves someone else. I was never like this. What is wrong with me? Idk but can it be helped? No. I know I'll move on in the future and everything will fall into place but right now ugh i love her and I feel stupid af. Like really really stupid. I'm never telling this to anyone tho. They'll make fun of me lol. They won't understand. I myself don't understand anything. I'm giving away so much of myself and it's going to take a lot of time for me to get it back like after we break up. Anyways I hope she gets well soon. She must be in a lot of pain. It hurts to even think that she might be in pain ughhhh stupid**inserts my name* get it together.

Come back soon . I feel like a zombie without you

Lol I just looked at my instgram activity and was wondering why I had spent 4 hours on Instagram yesterday when we didn't even talk. Then I realised that we did. It has only been a day but it feels like weeks? Wtf? What is going on with me. I'm scared I'm so so scared.

28/11/23 (23:43)

Happy 2 months to us lol sksksk anyways I didn't miss her yesterday. Probably because I was dealing with my own shit . Doesn't mean I like her any less. I still care . I hope she feels better soon

30/11/23 (00:19)

I googled the recovery rate and the death rate of dengue and I'm more paranoid now. Maybe I'm crying too much because I'm sick . I cry a lot when I fever like it heightens whatever I feel and now I'm worried about everything. Myself , her ahhh.

This is way too scary. New fear unlocked. I don't wanna say it but ugh just the thought of your loved one not being there hurts lol. I think I'll never move on from it. Never. So dear universe or whoever is listening to me , you've been mean to me these days , there are only 2 things that I want the most right now. The most. And I'll do anything for it. 1. Her getting well soon. 2. I need freedom from my life . Which means moving away to another country. I need these so bad. I don't care if I don't die anymore. I know I've always wanted to die and that was the only prayer in my head but now no. I want these 2 . Please please please. I won't be able to take it please ahh I'm crying again. I'm never getting attached to anyone again.

It's December already, please please please I promise that if these two things happen, I WILL NEVER NEVER EVER think about killing myself again. I promise this. I really really really promise you. But , if not , then that's it. You know I've always wanted to die , ever since 2011, so I'm giving up on this if I get the things I want. Atleast the 1st one. I won't be able to live at all.

Why am I crying so much. It's too much to handle. I feel like the nerves in my head will tear open with the strain. Its been long since I cried so much . I know I'm over thinking but why can't I fucking stop. STOP. Okay I'll just sleep .

1/12/23 (00:05)

I didnt miss her at all these last 3 days but i think i miss her a little today. I suddenly think about her and feel like crying. This is not because i miss her but idk. I feel like every bad thing happened to me at once and my mental health is at stake. 1. her being extremely sick with that deadly virus? whatever it is. 2. My uni thing. 3 me falling sick as well. i cant control my emotions when im sick. especiallllyyyy fever. i feel so weak and that stupid fever aftertaste on my tongue is making me wanna puke. i think im sleeping a lot these days. like 16 hours a day or something, maybe physcial and mental exhaustion is catching up to me. fuck this life . anygays idk i hope something good happens please. i wanna cry again lol. crying feels nice all of a sudden . its all because im sick lol. i guess ugh idk fuck this

i slept on the couch yesterday night, i think ill do the same tonight lol. i always sleep on the couch when im sick i guess??? ah im sleepy again. prolly med effect. ill eat and sleep now. i hope my baby feels almost better tomorrow. wow im sleepy af all of a sudden . no energy i think ill fall off byee

01/11/23 (20:16)

Lol i haven't written in so long ahhh yeah idk it's going okay I guess. We were having a call on gmeet with another friend of mine and she spoke about her boyfriend today. Idk what happened to me and why it happened but I cried wtf? Like wtf?????? Idk what to do anymore. It's reality I know but it's hurting. I know I'm just a ummm what am I again? No one omg fuck this

03:20 (18/11/23)

i love you

22:36(uk time zone) 11/02/24

Ah i need you so bad but i yeah i should be understanding. I’ll be. But know that i need you so bad like emotionally but im not brave enough to text you .

15/02/24 1:14pm

I love you . It feels sad now . When i think about her, my brain makes me sad lol. Whenever i imagine fake scenarios with her my brain keeps constantly reminding me that im just delulu and nothing will ever happen. I already know that but lemme be happy? i keep thinking about the break up that will happen soon when she gets engaged. I know there’s time, there’s a lot of time but i can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like it’s always there at the back of my mind. I just wanna be delulu , carefree and happy. I don’t wanna think much okay bye

29/02/24(2:30am)

I hope you dont see this but I’m so sorry. There are so many thoughts running in my head rn. I feel like im ruining something perfect. i mean you and him. I know nothing will change , yall are the end game and i dont want that to change. But the guilt is hittinf me these days. Am i that bad? Am i that selfish? What am i supposed to do? Shouldi stop? I dont want to stop but i dont want to be so selfish. Am i really a homewrecker? fuck

(12:06)

(PLEASE DONT READ THIS IM BEGGING YOU)

Ouch. That stung. Very bad. Ahh i can feel my heart breaking into pieces and im having a breakdown. I feel so so so helpless. I really can't do anything about this. I have no way out now do i? Please universe please please help me please.

I'll do anything. Hold me from breaking apart every time. I should be used to this by now?

Right? It's been so long. It should be normal. But as the days go by i can't take it. I'm breaking so bad. This is why i hate love so much. Only pain and hurt. But do you think i can let go? No. The most dumb and stupid award should be given to me. I hate everything

6:46 (19/8/24)

I want a day where it doesn't hurt me anymore.

But i guess that day will be the day im not in love anymore and I've completely lost feelings. I dont want that.

7:06

I love myself too much. I want to be happy. I will be happy. Me me me me and only me.

Every time i close my eyes her Instagram story flashes ahhh i want amnesia. I want to hid my head somewhere and lose all my 24 years memories. It hurts THAT much. Or maybe I'm over reacting too much. Its prolly the latter lol ok.

But i know its something she can't help too so lol both of us are helpless. Im just opening up here and she's not. Now i need to give my brain some rest. I'll be offline the whole day to heal

7:47

Why do you keep hurting me so much. Why do you always sabotage us for everything. Every minor inconvenience you get you let it affect us. Bro even on our one year anniversary? Is it not special to you? I’m so hurt but I’m even scared to tell you that.

1/10/24

[forgottencormac]

dklsjflkasjfkljsdfa SCREAM honestly???? i am SOOOOOO sorry abt cormac truly lakjsdfkljsdf both sebastian and aoifedeserve better than cormac crashing what they've got like this laksjdfkldsjf ok so the first question that jumped out at me here is like...i do think its pr inevitable that, if cormac sees poor aoife, he ~will be trying to flirt at her (SOB) tbf i feel like his vers of this is so weird and jokey that it could def be overlooked bc he just ~so casually assumes~ they're in love w him that he truly isn't even ~trying so he just walks in like 'hello, loml' so you could easily just assume he's joking bc he's soooo confident/casual abt it ++ ~his heart really isn't in it at all bc lbr he only has eyes for cassimir ;DDD no but he's a mess lakjsdfjksdf but also???? he isn't joking???? he just acts like he's been married to her for 30 years and stillloves her as a friend (bc he does!) but he's fallen out of romantic love w her and is emotionally cheating w his boss on the dl (yes this is cassimir ;D)

BUT ANYWAYYYY so like!!!!! i do feel like its this weird thing where like the varmonts have been around and can probs see pr clearly that he would 100% marry her tmrw!!!!!! but also that he def isn't the guy whose gonna sweep her off her feet like...at all lakjsdflkjsdfjk but also he ~is rich and ~does have a seat and ~can/would marry her tmrw so like!!!!!! #itscomplicated so like...yeah ;ladjskfjldf (ngl mom and i had brunch cocktails and i am FEELING it so like...figured it was the perfect time to write cormac bc i feel like his brain operates as if he's permanently tipsy ;DDDD but the trade off is that im not absolutely sure im being coherent but!!!! here we are!!! laksjdfkljsdf anyway just lmk if you'd like me to uhhh clarify anything im saying lakjsdfkljsdfkj also i keep losing the plot of what im saying but anyway!)

OH YEAH ok so like!!!!!!! you said that sebastian for ~many reasons wouldn't like cormac flirting w aoife...do you think he tries to like...distract him? does he just let that happen? like...how do you think he reacts? what do you think he does? re: this?

oooh also we chatted in the replies it seems...

forgottenaoife Jun 5 Not cormac’s big mouth being how Aoife finally realizes @forgottensebastian likes her more than just as friends 😬 forgottencormac Jun 6 Original Poster @forgottenaoife SCREAM!!! i can't believe cormac's somehow out here playing unwitting wingman to the varmont boys while literally tryna get their girls interested in other ppl #amazing (me, jess day voice: what is HAPPENING alkjsdfkljsdf jkasdf shhhh i love it tho!) but anyway alkdsjfkjldf imagine learning smth like that in this context SHRIEK asldkfjakdlsjkf and cormac just grinning w no idea he's just let the cat out of the bag lakjsdflkjdsfjkdsf forgottensebastian Jun 7 @forgottenaoife @forgottencormac this is not how i wanted her to find out!!!!!!!! (cormac was NEVER part of that plan at all lmao) forgottenaoife Jun 7 @forgottensebastian I mean… is @forgottencormac part of ANY (legitimate) plan??? forgottencormac Jun 8 Original Poster @forgottensebastian @forgottenaoife cormac: 'um...rude???? IM THE PERFECT WINGMAN!! why ~wouldn't you want me to be an integral part of your love life???? sheesh, no wonder ppl don't like the varmonts' no but honestly poor sebastian bc i can guarantee cormac is not handling this w any grace whatsoever bc that's not a quality he possesses alskdjflkdsjfjkdsf also...its true -- cormac is barely a part of his ~own plans lbr alkjfkldsjfkf @forgottensebastian not ppl LITERALLY saying smth positive for cormac like well at least he isn't cassimir alksdjfklsjdflkjsdf

sfasdf first i would like to point out that cormac is HORRIFIED ~anyone wocould think that him ~not being cassimir~ could ever possibly be a ~good thing bc obv cassimir is the best thing ~anyone could be alsdkfjldksjf but!! we are not here to discuss that! laksdjfklsdf

oh wait re: my above question you already answered my question! he tries to distract cormac! o k so cormac deffff does not recognize this and...frankly i think he might think sebastian is (besides cassimir!!!!) his bff/wanna-be bff lkajsdflkjsdfkajlsdf they're cousins (fottage not found) and anyyyy time sebastian sees him (he must not notice him the other times a when aoife ~isn't [by complete coincidence, ofc!] present cormac guesses! which is impressive given whatever cormac is ~doubtlessly wearing, and he is just super needy!!!! and gets really insecure when he sees cormac talking to other ppl and needs to be reassured that cormac hasnt forgotten theyre so close bc thats why ~cormac would act like that if it were cassimir lajksflkjsdfklsdf and why else would sebastian behave like that??? lkajsdfkljsdkjf its exhausting being this popular ppl!!!! lkajsdflkjsdkfjdjf

its also kinda awkward frankly bc like???? cormac def likes sebastian!!!! how could you noT??? but also like??? lbr cassimir and cassandra have a much higher rank in cormac's heart and like????? he ~doesn't actually view sebastian as a bestie even tho sebastian ~clearly views ~cormac as a bestie alksjdfkljsdf (SCREAM) and is frankly a bit clingy and overbearing abt it (just like cormac would be!) which is annoying esp when he's ryna get his flirt on w his #1 girl laksjdflkjsdf but the guy ~is a prince and he ~does like him and deep down cormac does have a kind heart and doesn't wanna hurt him yknow? so as a result, i think it actually ~is quite possibly that cormac ~hasn't outted sebastian re: his feelings yet so...yaya!! i do say ~yet tho bc lbr unless she finds out some other way first (v possible! im not here to meddle in ur plots! <33333) its lowkey inevitable that cormac ~will asp bring it up #facepalm

BUT that being said, rosie defff also throws herself on this grenade a good bit bc she ships sebastian/aoife and cormac ribbing them abt it is NOT the way aoife she find out!!!!!!!!! plus she can defffff keep him occupied for some time talking abt fashion and gossip etc even if they have WILDLY different fashion senses!!!! laskjdfkjsdf (besides he's probs unwittingly employing her smdh aka he's employed the malconaire's talented seamstress and rosie is kindly relaying messages that he need not speak to so lowly a person himself!) so yeah if cormac isn't the way you guys want her to find out this (FOR SOME REASON!!! ;DDDD) we have any of a number of excuses as to why he hasn't outted this yet ;aljsfkjlsdjf but it may be an ic stress poor sebastian may be facing any time cormac pops up in the same room as aoife (bc poor sebastian ~clearly doesn't have enough worries in his life!)

not poor sebastian being hypothetically jealous of CORMAC of all ppl!!!! SOBBB lakjsdfkljdskjf ok so @forgottenaoife how do you think aoife would act towards cormac (who is absolutey tryna flirt w her/potentially propose now that eithne's off the table!) in sebastian's presence? so we can figure out (whether intentionally or ~not) she'd give more reason for sebastian to be ~frustrated by cormac's unwanted advances or jealous bc they appear to ~be wanted? lajksdfkjsdjf i do think this'll have some impact on things potentially like!!!! for example, depending how you think jealousy vs frustration might present in sebastian etc, lizzy, cormac might be left thinking that sebastian has a really forceful personality for example if he's in a tense state around him mostly or whatever (cue valentina talking abt how he's terrifiying, cormac nodding sagely behind her tho ~he wasn't frightened bc he knows sebastian loves him sooooo much!!!! lkajsdklfjsdf but he can see how a woman would be frightened!) etc! or whatever sooo yeah lkajsdflkjsdf

OOC | Cormac & Sebastian

these two have smth in common in addition to their mutual cousin, and that's both their top pick for a wife!! well...actually, for cormac preference #1 was eithne (and sonya before her), but as soon as he knows cassimir's laid claim there, aoife will be so lucky as to have that title transferred to ~her lkajsfkljsdf

anyway, doubtless this will instill nothing short of feelings of bliss in sebastian to know that aoife will be so lucky as to have the affections of cormac to look forward to but here we are ;DDDDD

fortunately, valentina's gonna come in as an anti-wingman for cormac on this one bc she doesn't want anyone carrying off her v best serving girl!!!!!!! and she very much ~does want him to take one of her more problematic stepdaughters off her hands hahahah so idk how much time he'll actually have to clumsily tryna woo aoife realistically, but it won't stop him from trying at every potential! lakjsdflkjdf and weirdly, cormac would see them tryna woo the same woman as a bonding activity and probs joke w him abt how they're both here to flirt w aoife and meanwhile aoife is probs dying of humiliation in the bg bc she's probs literally standing right there and SCREAM cormac knows what ladies like!!!!!!

[emperor-lover]

omggg your college aus are so good!! I always end up blushing and melting bc your writing makes me feel so involved? like it's actually happening, it transports me into this other world,,,,,anyWAY could I please request a college au for minki from nu'est? ty!!

*screams* yaaaaaaas A MINKI REQUEST!!! and ahh omg thank you so much, you have no idea how much that means so much to me, I’m smiling so much! after a lonnnng wait - here you go, and enjoy!

Choi Minki/Ren College!AU

so Minki is majoring in musical theatre

and the first time you saw him was in a full scale production

where he was the main lead

and literally oozed talent and confidence of course

like no matter who was on stage with him your eyes were drawn to him

so you looked at the programme to find his name

and you saw that it was a stage name “Ren”

None of your friends knew of him personally so you didn’t know anything about him

but the next day you went out for a coffee with your friends and as you went to place your order at the counter, a cheery voice greets you

“hey there, what can I get for you today, love?”

you made eye contact with the barista and it’s him???

he still looked gorgeous without all the stage make up and you were taken aback by how bright his eyes were and how genuine his smile was

“oh?? are you… Ren? from the musical last night!”

he smiled showing a perfect set of pearly white teeth

“you recognise me?”

“yeah, you were incredible!”

He laughed happily,“ my stage names Ren but my real name’s Choi Minki” he said pointing at his name badge

the person behind you coughed, getting tired of waiting and you flushed red in embarrassment for holding up the line

you quickly ordered a grapefruit tea

“oh, that’s one of my best friend’s favourite drinks, good choice!!” minki said as he punched the order into the machine

you blushed, “what’s your favourite then?”

you weren’t too sure why you asked him, but he’s super cute so why the hell not get to know him better?

“ooo i love a good yoghurt smoothie” (lmao this is legit from a 2015 interview)

“oh, well, I’ll make sure to get that next time then!”

Minki smiles again and you swear your heart is pounding so fast, he’s so dazzling

“take a seat, I’ll bring your drink out to you when it’s done”

You kept sneaking glances over at Minki while he worked his shift, and you thought you were being subtle

until he gave you a cheeky wink

making you choke on your tea

internally crying out of embarrassment

Minki just thinks you’re hella cute

After an hour or so, you and your friends have to head off to your next lecture

you’ve just about hit the corner of the street when you hear someone running

“Excuse me!”

You glance behind you and Minki is chasing after you, still wearing his barista uniform and apron

“Hm Minki? Are you alright? Did I forget something?” You give yourself a quick pat down to check if you might’ve have left someone at the table you were sitting at but it seemed like everything important was still on you so you were a bit confused

Minki scratches the back of his head bashfully, “Uh..well…I didn’t manage to catch your name, and it’s not fair that you know mine, but I still don’t know yours……..”

and your friends are like OoOooOOOO behind you watching this unfold 

you fumble round in your bag for a marker and you reach over to write your name (and number ya sneaky) on the back of his hand

and from that moment, Minki is completely smitten

he gives you a call that night and asks if you want to swing by the cafe again tomorrow so he can make you the smoothie

little by little the two of you get closer and find out a lot about each other

and it’s obvious that you two have a mutual liking 

you’re studying acting and performing arts so you actually happen to have one paper that’s the same as him

It’s funny because whenever you are paired up with him in practicals, the two of you get the best grades, but whenever it’s individual it’s not as great

he’s like a good luck charm

and it’s great because now you have a study buddy in the library

but Minki is lot more distracting than you realised

plus one time you swear he nearly poisoned you 

you forgot your lunch so he whipped out his lunch box with leftover dinner he made the night before

and you were so flattered at first because it looked quite nice

like surely you can’t go wrong with pasta

for some reason your friend Aron is biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing as you take the first bite

and you just…freeze

you swear your whole body just went into a cold sweat

what. did. you. just. eat.

surely not pasta.

Minki is looking at you with hopeful eyes and you don’t know what to say to him

Aron just burst into giggles and pushes his lunch towards you instead

and Minki just sulks in the corner, mumbling about how his presentation skills are much better than Aron’s.

Minki is someone who readily shows his affection

so he’ll just stare at you with his puppy eyes while you try to go over your notes

or if you need help he’ll purposefully scoot his chair closer and lean his head over to look

and your heads are so close, theyre almost touching, and you can practically feel the very tips of his hair tickling your face

and then after finishing explaining something he’ll bounce right back to where he was sitting as if he hadn’t just been causing the blood in your system to start pounding in your ear

when you’re just hanging round town he’ll put his arm round you or give you back hug whilst nuzzling his face into your neck 

and you don’t know how to react because you’ve never met a guy who’s as into skinship as he is

he’s like this really affectionate cat

soooooo much skinship

and every time he touches you even if it’s just a small action like nudging your shoulder, you swear you go bright red

Minki notices that you blush easily too and he 1000000% knows that it’s because of him

but neither of you have actually said whether you’re dating or not even tho you practically are

All your friends insist loudly that the two of you should have hooked up by now lol

but you just kinda wave them off

and you’ve been set up on different blind dates before, but it’s just not really your thing, you haven’t met anyone that you actually have feelings for

besides, Minki is the sweetest guy in your life right now and the two of you have a good thing going atm, you don’t need to be romantically involved to justify that

plus both of you are hella busy

exams are coming up

and that means prepping for performances

Minki has been rehearsing 6 days a week for the past couple of months 

so you’ve barely seen him, except when you have your study ‘dates’ in the library which are nice, but it’s still studying….

you’re busy too, tbh you haven’t really caught up much with your friends either because everyone is just so overwhelmed with study + college life

but one day you two decided that it had been much too long since you’ve had a proper catch up

So you decide to go watch a movie together

turns out the movie you wanted to watch had sold out and your face had just naturally fallen into this pout

and Minki is just like kyaaaaa why is Y/N so cute?!?!

he reaches out to pinch your cheek and you turn to scowl at him

it’s been so long since you’ve seen him and you realise that you’ve really missed him and his silly skinship he does

your face has gone a bright pink and you can feel your ears burning too

and he’s just giggling away 

and then he softens and holds his hand against your cheek lovingly

but tbh you’re just so annoyed that you can’t watch that movie so you don’t really notice Minki’s affection

and you’re more preoccupied trying to figure out what replacement movie the two of you should watch instead

Minki then excuses himself to go to the bathroom 

but he’s actually just freaking out because he’s realised that he’s also missed you like crazy

he just wants to be able to see you all the time

and not have to make up excuses for seeing you either

so he takes a deep breath and steadies himself up against the sink and looks at himself in the mirror

you look at your phone and you swear he’s been in the toilet for a little while now

why

turns out, he’s practicing all the different way he could ask you to be his girlfriend

the poor guy is just trying to psych himself up, he’s not constipated itsok

“You got this Minki, you’re ChoigoRen, no one’s better or prettier than you…except Y/N, Y/N is so pretty….”

In the meantime you’re standing by trying to decide whether you should buy popcorn or icecream into the movie when someone calls out your name.

“Y/N?”

you spin round and accidentally knock into a guy who’s holding this big box of popcorn

and some of it spills out

and you’re like ohhhh shit, and just start apologising frantically

it’s this really buff dude with 4 of his mates

and they’re kinda like “yo Y/N chill it’s fine, calm down”

you’re confused because he knows who you are

and he laughs “Y/N, you really don’t recognise me? I haven’t really changed that much”

turns out he went to the same middle school as you but once he went to college started he starting obssessively gyming and became hella tank

when you realise it’s your classmate you burst out laughing

and you’re having a good chat with him when Minki comes out of the bathroom

Minki notices you chatting away with this other dude and he’s confused

he knows all your college friends now so he’s like hu dis boi

he’s not sure if he has the right to be jealous or not, and he has a lot of confidence in himself and he’d never make a fuss or embarrass you

But he sidles up to you and looks at the group of lads expectingly

and your friend is like “oh Y/N this must be your boyfriend!”

you blink a couple of times and you’re about to respond when Minki cuts in and chirps a happy “yup, I am!”

your eyes immediately dart over to his and you frown at him in confusion

but Minki just keeps talking “yeah, actually this is our first proper date!”

and your friend is like AWWW HOW CUTE I LOVE THIS, HAVE A HAPPY DATE AWWW BLESS, LET’S LEAVE THEM TO IT

and Minki is a bit taken aback, like this big buff dude is gushing over the two of you and how cute you guys are yas break those dumb gender stereotypes friend

after they leave you’re still looking at him expectantly, and Minki just shrugs

“so…we’re dating?”

“only if you’re okay with that too”

he takes your hand, and links his fingers with yours pulling you into the movie theatre

and when you don’t pull your hand out of his grasp he smiles back at you

“how about this, you don’t have to answer me now, but I’ll give you from now until the movie is over to decide”

Minki shifts his weight from one foot to another, a trait you noticed he does when he’s nervous

a bit of his hair has fallen into forward over his eyes and you reach up to gently brush it away from his forehead

the gesture doesn’t go unnoticed by Minki and he catches your hand as you’re retracting it and places it on his own cheek leaning into your touch. 

“what if I don’t need that much time to decide?” your voice is a soft whisper

you took a small step closer to him, hand still resting gently on his cheek

he closed the gap between the two of you

and you gasp in surprise because his lips on yours are so soft 

and sweet

and just cries why did it take the two of you so bloody long to get together

and when you pull apart, your smile mirrors his and he gives you this cute little kiss on your nose before gently resting his forehead on yours

“so this is our day 1?”

wow so as i was writing this i realised that i have a realllly large soft spot for Minki, bless him he’s a sweetheart