#I am both cringing at this and think it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever done

[sirmanmister]

MacCready in dad drip + Damien cuz I feel like I haven’t drawn him in a minute

This is so stupid LMAO

[bwbatta]

two - persuasion

Abstract: Draco and you are just friends so doing him a favour and pretending to be his girlfriend wouldn’t effect your friendship, right?

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Warnings: some swears but that’s all!

Word count: 2623

A/N: let’s go for part 2 then?! Thank you so much for all your lovely comments! Everyone who has asked to be on the taglist has been added and if you would like to be on the list, just send me a message! Dividers are by the super talented @firefly-graphics 🤩

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 3

The plan was set.

Draco and you had talked some more about what being ‘in a relationship’ entailed, whilst at the same time avidly avoiding Pansy in your free time. In fact, you were surprised with how little you’d have to change the dynamic between the two of you.

The first point was friendship, which was easy enough you thought. There’s no point in starting a fake relationship if you don’t get on well in the first place.

Second, communication. You agreed to be open and honest with each other, this whole plan wouldn’t work if you weren’t telling each other everything.

And finally third, intimacy.

This one was obvious enough and it was more than just hand holding or sharing the odd kiss or two, you knew that. It was about selling your relationship to be believable to everyone else around you, including your closest friends.

One of which was Hermione.

The plan on paper was simple, you both said you’d start off small and work your way into being a couple, so why did you feel this pit of anxiety in your stomach?

Nerves? Sure, you chalked it down to that.

So when you entered the Great Hall the next morning, late and in desperate need of caffeine, you somehow didn’t expect your ‘boyfriend’ to approach you with a steaming mug of coffee.

You completely missed the blonde boy too as you took your normal seat with a frantic expression on your face. Your roommates didn’t wake you up like they usually did so when you woke and found no one there, you almost screamed when you checked the time.

“Coffee coffee coffee” the mantra on your tongue “where the hell is the coffee?!”

Hermione looked amused as she packed up the book she was previously reading into her bag.

“Ron finished it moments ago, there’s no more”

“What?!” You blanched “there’s none?”

Hermione shook her head, the answer a definite no.

With energy lacking and spirit deflated, you grabbed a couple slices of toast and buttered them quickly, at least trying to put some food in your stomach even if it wasn’t your usual caffeine shot.

However when Hermione froze slightly, eyes narrowly following something behind you with a glare, you frowned at her confused. That was until Draco perched on the seat next to you, holding a mug of coffee between his hands.

“Granger” he greeted in a civil manner causing the witch to freeze in shock, half expecting an offhand snide comment about her blood status. He then turned to you and offered the coffee, “thought you might need this”

“But I thought there was none left!”

“I saved you it”

“You saved me a coffee?”

“Kept it warm too”

You could’ve cried when you took the mug from him and immediately the drink warmed your hands. Eagerly taking a sip, you found the coffee itself was exactly to your liking.

You went to point it out but before a word could leave your lips, Draco rolled his eyes at you with a smile.

“What? You thought I didn’t know how you took your coffee?”

The question was rhetorical, not that you cared. Exhaustion was the only thing you felt that morning up until then, quickly being replaced with utter fondness for the Malfoy boy next to you.

“Thank you” you told him as he grinned back at you

“Don’t mention it”

Draco raised his hand and swiped away a lock of hair which had fallen out of your two second attempt to pin it back this morning in your rush.

Your breath hitched slightly as his eyes found yours and he leaned in towards your ear.

“How am I doing?”

Your brain stalled.

Right.

Of course.

He was acting like he cared about you in front of Hermione.

To convince Hermione.

Who of course, confirmed with a quick glance, was looking between the two of you with suspicion in her eyes.

Quickly painting a smile across your face like he’d said something sweet, you pulled back and shot him a dazzling smile.

“Alright, I guess” you said, vague enough so Hermione wouldn’t clock onto what he really said.

“Good” he grinned back at you before standing from the seat. “I’ll see you after class later, yeah?”

You nodded at him, and with a fond smile at you and a courteous nod to Hermione, he left the two of you be, heading to his first class.

With the thought in the back of your mind that you should probably also get to class, you were stopped by a substantially confused Hermione who looked at you like you’d grown another head.

“Was I just in some parallel universe?”

“What?”

“‘What?’ Seriously, that’s how you’re going to answer that question?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” you shrugged your shoulders before standing and picking up your bag and the mug of coffee from Draco.

“What aren’t you telling me?” The Granger girl continued to interrogate you as she too stood, though with a lot more vigor.

“There’s a lot of things I’m not telling you Hermione, but if it’s anything to do with Draco, I don’t know what you mean”

Striding out the Great Hall, she quickly followed you, pestering for more information which you avoided expertly until you got to your first class you shared.

“Why did Malfoy get you coffee?”

“Because it was a nice thing to do”

“Why was he civil with me?”

“Maybe he’s seen the light”

“(Y/N)! Tell me! I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight otherwise and you know it!”

With a sigh you turned to face her.

Putting on a performance like it was tough for you to keep a secret, you ‘umm’d and ‘ahh’d under her questioning until you really had had enough of the interrogation.

“Okay, fine, we may or may not be dating” you said like it wasn’t a big deal

“What?!”

“Miss Granger!” Professor McGonagall’s voice snapped “if you’re so done with your conversation, perhaps you could start writing your essay?”

“Yes, Professor. Sorry, Professor”

With a glare shot your way, meaning she’d grill you later for information, the bookworm turned back to her work and started writing furiously.

It was later that day that you found out that Lavender Brown had overheard your conversation with Hermione and so naturally, the gossip that you and Draco were dating was spread across the entire school.

Some believed the rumour, others didn’t so much. This of course included Blaise, the Weasley twins, and of course, the ever stubborn Pansy.

When the boys finally cornered each respective friend, they of course had some questions that needed to be addressed. 

Blaise cornered Draco first at Lunch. 

The Malfoy boy had just started to tuck into his food when a book slammed down on the table next to him, startling the boy. 

Blaise pinned him with a hard look.

“Is it true you’re dating (Y/N)?”

“How’d you hear that?!”

“Word gets around fast... so, is it true?”

“Yes it’s true” Draco rolled his eyes at his friend

He was honestly shocked at how quickly the rumour had gone round the castle, though he suspected some of the Gryffindor girls were behind it. They always seemed like they pounced on any gossip going.

This also meant, Pansy had probably heard it by now.

Draco’s interest peaked.

“Who’d you hear it from?” The blonde asked his friend

“Bulstrode of all people” Blaise rolled his eyes “thought I might’ve found out from my friend himself but apparently not”

“Sorry man, it only really happened yesterday”

Blaise waved his apology off

“So tell me, is this for real? It’s not a prank or anything, she knows you think you’re going out with her right?”

“Yes, (Y/N) knows we’re going out” Draco rolled his eyes in exasperation “she’s also not being forced or blackmailed into going out with me if that puts your mind at rest”

This wasn’t technically true and Draco fought the urge to cringe slightly as he remembered the deal he had made with you.

Despite the other copious Christmas presents he had to get you, being civil to Granger wasn’t so bad he remarked. They only shared a few classes, all of which were with you present, so all he really had to do was ignore the fact the muggleborn witch existed and he’d keep his side of the deal up.

“Good” Blaise huffed, finally sitting down next to him “can I ask you something though?”

“You just did”

“Smart arse” Blaise rolled his eyes but continued on “what made you ask her out?”

Draco paused.

You hadn’t actually discussed this so there wasn’t a definite plan on what response to give. The boy trusted himself to come up with a decent answer though so instead of panicking, he said the first thing that popped into his head.

“I’ve been in love with her for years”

Well... he didn’t expect that to be his response.

“You have?” Blaise asked also taken aback

“Umm, yeah, sure, she’s the one for me you know?”

Draco kicked himself once again

Why couldn’t he think straight?!

“She’s just... she’s so funny, you know? One of the funniest people I’ve ever met. Her laugh, man, is enough to make me laugh even harder because have you heard it?! It’s hilarious!”

Unconsciously, Draco began to smile at the thought of you.

“Also, she’s super talented at anything she does, which would be wildly annoying if she wasn’t so modest about it. She’s also the most sarcastic person I’ve ever met, yet also the kindest. She’s got so many good qualities it’s hard to even think about anything bad about her.”

Draco stopped, breaking out of his train of thought.

Now that... that, he really hasn’t expect to be his response.

“I’m glad you’re happy then, Draco” the Zabini boy smiled at him “seems like you really like her”

“Yeah... I do”

You were pounced upon by both the Weasley twins not much later on, both demanding answers.

“You’re dating Malfoy?!”

“As in Draco Malfoy? The ferret?”

“He’s not a ferret!” You rolled your eyes at the pair. “And yes I am. Why? Do you not believe the castle gossip?”

“We heard it-“ Fred began

“Still working on believing it” George finished

You rolled your eyes and continued on to the library, your original destination before you got jumped by the identical redheads.

“Believe what you want” you shrugged trying to play it off.

“See (Y/N), here’s the thing, I don’t know if I believe you’re actually going out with him” Fred stated causing you to frown.

“What do you mean?”

“Freddie here believes you guys are faking it for some reason” George chucked an arm round your shoulders as they continued to walk with you.

“Why would we be faking it?!” You laughed like the idea was ridiculous.

“I just know you wouldn’t go for him” Fred shrugged “your standards are too high.”

“My standards are too high?!”

You were mildly offended at the suggestion, no matter how correct Fred was about the two of you faking your relationship.

Reaching the library quickly, you turned to the boys who had halted at the sight of the only room in the castle they adamantly wouldn’t enter.

“Well, unless your plan is to follow me into the forbidden room of books, I’ll see you guys later?”

Not waiting for an answer you swung open the door, mind now focused on studying for that test you had coming up in Herbology later that week.

“I still don’t believe you!” Fred shouted after you before the door closed shut behind you

All you could do was roll your eyes.

It was dinner later that evening when you saw your ‘boyfriend’ again since breakfast when he’d given you the coffee.

By now, you two were the talk of the castle which is why you weren’t surprised to see a fuming brunette strut up to you. The Slytherin girl looked as if she should have smoke coming out her ears you thought, not that you’d tell her that and anger her even more.

“(Y/N)” Pansy sniffed almost impatiently as she reached you.

“Pansy” you replied innocently which seen fo infuriate her more.

“I heard you’re supposedly dating my boyfriend?”

“Your boyfriend?”

You couldn’t help but phrase the question like you really didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Draco!”

“...Draco?”

“Draco Malfoy!” She practically growled at you

“Ohh, Draco as in my boyfriend?”

“Yes! Wait no-“

You snorted at her slip up and ignored her as you sidestepped and entered the Great Hall spying the familiar mop of platinum blonde hair, sending him a smile,

Before you could make your way over to him though, a hand grabbed your arm with nails roughly digging into your skin.

“Hey, I wasn’t done talking to you” Pansy seethed

“Well I was done talking to you” you shrugged truely bored with the girl “I’d appreciate it now though if you let go of my arm.”

“No, I’m not finishe-“

“Yes you are” Draco cut her off this time

Pansy’s expression looked like her brain had short circuited for a moment before she gathered herself and smiled flirtily at the boy.

“Hey Drakey baby”

“Firstly, for the millionth time, don’t call me that” Draco narrowed his eyes at her into a glare. “Secondly, (Y/N) also asked you to let go of her arm so I suggest you do so.”

At once, like your arm was on fire, Pansy dropped her grip which she had forgotten about as soon as the Malfoy had entered the conversation.

You rubbed your arm as you pulled it to your chest. Pansy’s nails had dug deep and actually split the skin on your arm slightly by the force she had held you by.

“And finally, I’d appreciate it if you’d fuck off and didn’t harass my girlfriend, especially about lies that we’re somehow involved.”

With that being said, Draco wrapped his arm around your waist and escorted you over to the spot he was originally sitting at, letting you take his seat while he forced Crabbe to move down a space so he could sit next to you.

“Thanks for that” you sent him a smile “though I can handle Pansy”

“I know” he replied with a grin of his own “I just needed to get that off my chest. Let me see your arm.”

“It’s nothing-“

“(Y/N)”

With a sigh you reluctantly held out your arm so he could see the damage Pansy had done. Spotting the crescent shaped breaks in your skin, his jaw clenched in anger.

“Psychotic bitch” he mumbled under his breath barely loud enough for you to hear, “episkey”.

The wounds sewed themselves back together in no time and you send him a grateful smile.

“Heard you got cornered by Blaise earlier”.

“Heard the same about you with the Weasley twins”.

“Mmm” you shrugged “there was bound to be a few that didn’t just automatically believe we’re dating. Some might need a little more persuasion, especially Pansy. Also it is still only the first day since the gossip broke though, it might just be that we wait for the news to settle.”

“I guess” he rolled his eyes playing with the pasta on his plate with his fork, before pausing slightly, setting it down and turning to you.

His eyes glanced round the hall quickly before snapping back to you with a grin. Leaning towards you, he wrapped an arm around your waist to pull you slightly closer to him as his lips became level with your ear.

You fought the urge to shiver.

“Or... it just means we’ll have to make it all the more believable, Sweetheart.”

Series Taglist:

(If you’re in bold, tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you ☹️, otherwise if you want to be added, let me know! 🤩):

@weasleytwinswheezes @azkabanlexi @streetfighterrichie @queen-of-the-coven @gdee703 @thatguppienamedbae @crumpets-are-better-with-jam @savcks @remmyswritings @thescarletknight2014 @w0nderr @heyiheardyouwereawildone36 @moonlightorbit @ceeellewrites @nicole-prz @depressedchilipepper @swiftlymoniquesblog

[nekasu]

SnapCube’s Until Dawn Real-Time Fandub Sentence Starters (Part 1)

"I didn't bring my phone. It was in my other pants!" "This is a really long high five." "...I won't tell anyone about this." "Ya see, that's a joke thinger." "Can you see me? Don't answer that." "Who talks to screens? Maybe you can." "We're here in a strange time at a strange place." "Hopefully you enjoyed whatever the hell THIS video was." "When those girls died? That was funny." "My phone still has battery? Holy shit, I gotta keep that warm." "I'm trying to get like 100% on Animal Crossing." "Check it out, I have this gun. It's really really cool." "Are you McCree from Overwatch, hit video game?" "Make sure you don't shoot any guys with that." "Never mind, I do have the key. I just found it in my pocket." "We're all just really good beans at the end of the day." "Why did you hit me? That hurt so much!" "Sorry, I've been in jail a while." "My arm really hurts. Do you have any first aid?" "I just got off the big train in the sky." "This is my Smash invitation and frankly, I deserve it." "It was gonna be a surprise for your birthday, motherfucker!" "Jesus, everyone is so rude. What is this, Rude Mountain?" "This mountain fucking sucks." "I'm here to be rude to people." "I think this is sus. He's definitely the impostor." "As a gamer, I know all about Among Us." "Is this...Tamriel?" "Well, that's a cliff." "No, you got arms!" "I don't speak corn." "Grab my stinky hand!" "I will live on in the vibes!" "No, that's too fast! Oh, god!" "2x4? You're not even a 1x1." "You look so stupid right now." "Hehe, I'm under the bed now!" "It was for a prank video. Come on!" "It's fine, honestly. She has a blanket." "Women never listen to me when I talk..." "Everything's a big deal when you make it." "Oh my god she has pants! What the fuck?!" "No one told me I was wearing pants today!" "It's pretty cold because it's DEAD of winter!" "Hey, tree! Look at me, I'm looming right now!" "Not a blanket, but maybe I can keep you warm." "This fuckin' candle doesn't keep me warm at all.” "At least you're not calling it 'arm pants' this time." "Oh, wow! SHE'S looming! Oh, she can teach me!" "I don't want to play any of your Among Us games." "I have this weird feeling someone's looming around here." "Answer a question for me: how are you feeling today? YEAH!" "Well now, wise guy. Let's see who among us really is the funniest." "Helloooo there! I am Doctor Rabbit. The world's only rabbit rabbit." "Whoa, that guy was straight up looming! I wish I could loom like that.” "Was that that Anus Unnus guy?" "Hey, babe, you wanna go and record a blog with me?" "So are my pranks as good as Markiplier?" "Wait, when did they get the hugging perk?!" "See, that's what I think of your problems, is that they're just some sort of joke." "Got in real trouble with the locals, I did. They don't let me back there." "Maybe you're just trying to be woke or something." "Your insurance isn't covering these sessions, by the way." "We can send, like, aura to each other. You know like, uh, vibes." "I don't guess, I know. I never guess, I know everything. I do the math." "Two plus two equals you're my friend. Just kidding, it's four." "I just hurt all of my bones." "High five? No, you're too far away. My bad." "Did you solve my wolverine puzzle?" "Did you know doors hurt?" "Everyone has a raccoon!" "Why don't you keep it to yourself, tough guy?" "Save the fight until I have the camera ready, okay?" "That's not a view, that's a snow." "I think you're in the corridor of the monkey." "If you throw that me, I'm gonna fuckin' flip my goddamn lid." "You want some snow, bitch?!" "Lady? Girl? ...I should really learn her name." "Water's looking a little green, that's just the way I like it." "Did the ghosts take my friends again?" "I'm actually half ghost." "Is that a lightsaber? Like from Star Trek?" "I'm gonna level with you, I hate being in the same room as you." "BOOOOOOOOOOOK!" "You like the new office? I fuckin' don't." "You didn't read through the contract, did you kiddo?" "I can get fucked? Finally!" "Even the ghost agrees." "I should have fucking known. This ghost is such a libro." "That's great and all, but I'm gonna look like a jackass!" "This is what happens when you pull mean pranks. God punishes an elk." "THAT was a HEALING spell?! Oh god!" "Door key? You're pretty dorky!" "I can imagine a lot of dipshits, in fact." "Get un-naked! Get un-naked! Get un-naked! Get un-naked!" "I'm casting a hex on you now. Have fun getting hexed, idiot." "See? The Kinect causes psychic powers." "I can't believe Blue's freakin' clue is on here." "Ugh...I freaking hate doors." "Blue save me..." "Telling them the vibes made you do it won't hold up in a court of law." "Oh, would you look at the time. It's time for me to rip you a new one again!" "I cannot wait, but I suppose I'll have to." "The hex worked great. Now let's see if I can go shoot what remains of her." "I love running through the forest like a fucking weirdo." "You look like an idiot on the ground there." "If I have anything to say about it, you won't make it back." "I wanna see you, whatever you are, you funny-looking fellow." "Why do I have so much trouble with doors?" "Hey, funny voice! Fuck off, please!" "It's a saw trap, you dumb piece of shit!"

"Seems mysterious, but I won't shoot him this time. Gotta weaken him with the hex." "You're gonna get fucked if you can't say goodbye to a ghost. Trust me on that one." "Hey, uh, do you wanna stop having trouble with doors, now'd be a phantasmical time!" "Unless you want to work with me here, well...we're gonna be stuck here until dawn." "Not like you've ever done anything on purpose in your entire life, you fucking hack." "What, not even a goddamn laugh? Oh, it's gonna be a rough fuckin' couple weeks." "I can't believe I made it up to Rude Mountain only to be discovered by rude people." "I've got all my gamerscore on my phone, so I'm hoping that nobody really touched it.” "That's pretty cringe of you, buddy. I'm gonna put you in my Cringe Tuesday compilation." "If I wanted to talk about beans, I'd hang around with the fuckin' Among Us crew down there." "You know what? I have two arms, so I guess I CAN carry both of them at the same time." "I just got my lips unstuck. Aw, geez. I've been trying to talk to you guys this whole time."  "I left some beans in my backpack. They might be a few years old, but they don't really expire." "I should've known that coming to Rude Mountain would have made you worse as a person." "I've just been playing a lot of Among Us recently and I've just been trying to really get good at lying. "Oh, so NOW you're a funny guy, huh? You think you got your own jokes?! Ya think this is stand up?!" "I have blankets in the back, but I'm gonna go to the front just to see if I can spice things up a little." "I'm here to help you, and whaddya do? You spit in my goddamn face! ...Metaphorically, of course.” "What do you take me for, some kind of clown?! Some kind of Boo Boo the Fool that ain't done this rodeo before?!" "Here at therapy we're here to answer the one big burning question everyone's got: what the FUCK is wrong with you?" "I noticed you don't have much of a sense of humor. That might explain all the shit you've gotten into recently, wouldn't it?" "Well with my ten step plan I'll be happy to go plumb the depths of your sad, scared little mind and see what makes you...tick, as it were."

[interstellix]

to those who made my 2020 a little better,

i just wanted to let each one of you know that you mean tons to me and that you truly have, in one way or another, made this year better. i’ll be honest, 2020 was just not it for me, a whole lot of shit happened and i’ve had countless of days where i’ve been too tired in ways i can’t explain. at the same time though, good things have happened as well, one of them being the people i’ve met on tumblr; some of you i’ve been friends with since before, some of you i got to know this year and some of you even very very recently. still, i can’t thank these people enough because they’ve all been part of making this year less shitty than it would’ve been otherwise. thus, i wanted to at least let the mentioned ones know that they’re the ones part of that

now, i’m really not good with words, and i absolutely Hate being sappy, yet that’s exactly what i’m being here fjkdfk. i’m deadass out here cringing at my own words but please bear with me this one time LMAOO.

tldr; ily and u’re all v v precious people to me

@ohmyhao i don't think i'll ever be able to explain just how precious you are to me, no joke :( i'm almost 100% you're the one who's been sticking around my blog(s) since the very start and i want you to know that, even if we don't talk as often, i'm grateful for each and every day knowing i deadass have someoone like you around. i mean, i'll be honest, i still question your choice of favorite haikyuu characters because oi🤮kawa bUT!! i'll forgive you bc!! you're literally among the cutest people i've ever come across (don't even think of arguing with me this time), you're no joke one of the reasons i continued staying on tumblr and getting to know you is something i'll always feel blessed over 🥰

@kachulein LOL OK i could go on for hours and hours here, mostly because of how many and all the different things we talk about stuff that just shouldn't see the light of the world included. talking to you is something that never fails to make me feel happy but also incredibly at ease; i really, really want you to know that something i’m incredibly grateful for is how i’m comfortable enough with you to be able to talk about things i otherwise just can’t :( aside from that, listen, 99% of our conversation have me wheezing my throat off, like it can get weird af but it still has me laughing. something else i’m really happy is when you put in your two cents in our conversation, i’ve said it before but as someone who struggles with seeing things from more than one perspective, i really admire hearing about your own! all in all, i love you tons and tons, you’re an incredible person through and through and i truly appreciate the time i get to talk to you!

@starryarles i don’t think i tell you this enough but?? mae?? i literally love you so much, legit l-o-mae-l??? i still laugh my ass of looking back at the time you found my other blog and i had to guess which one of my mutuals you were LMAOO listen the panic fjijfkjk. anyway, i absolutely adore every message, ask and comment i receive from you, no joke i always get really happy from each one of them and tbh?? during that long period of time we didn’t talk i genuinely thought you hated me or something HAHAH. turns out that that was not true at all or so i hope and not to sound like a sap but i’m deadass overjoyed that we started talking again. and really, you’re way, way too supportive, i literally don’t deserve how much love i’ve received from you even but please know that i’m grateful for every bit of it and that i love you stupid much and hope we can have another good year together :’)

@milkteandhan you?? are also?? one of the few who have been dealing with my ass literally from the very start?? because i seriously can’t remember having been on tumblr without you around?? BUT ALSO YOU LITTLE SHIT IDGI you bully me to the ends of the fucking world but for some reason?? i still love you?? >:(( ok but jokes aside, i really do love you a lot, i mean i love you as much as you make me suffer and that? that’s a lot :) you drop by my inbox with either the cutest/funniest message or pictures that make me wanna dig my grave but either way, they always make me smile like a fucking moron and listen LISTEN. i really wanna explain to you how much you mean to me but idk where to start bc i can’t. literally just can’t. find the words for that. but all i can say is that meeting you is something i’ll thank any and every damn god out there for and i’m not even religious, like at all fjkdjfkd so yeah. mwah

@astronomlns my god you bitch you bully me almost on the daily and then you?? have the audacity to deny it?? but! that said, i don’t mind lol. one of my biggest regret what goes my “”online-life”” is the awfully long time we didn’t talk but that’s also why i’m mad happy that we actually do now, almost every day even. i’ve already said this before but have the friendly reminder that you’re among the few that i feel really safe when talking. we’ve also pointed out this before but it’s almost been two whole years since we became friends and i hope you can stick with my shit for another whole year. again, you bully me a lot, but i still love you a whole damn lot, never forget that

@lixchannie i’ll be flat out honest, idk what the hell i’m supposed to say here. despite all bullshit that has happened you’ve been there with me this entire, entire time ever since we became friends and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to explain how thankful i am for that. we don’t talk every day and imy when we don’t lmao but tbh i’m fine with that because i’m genuinely glad knowing that i even get to have someone like you in my life. so yeah don’t leave me bc i’ll deadass hunt you to the end of the world

the rest of the “”kin-gang”” like some like to call it @bubbleskz @berryyyyyy @skzbbie we don’t talk as often, v v rarely actually but i want y’all to know that i don’t appreciate and love you any less than i did before we started somewhat losing touch. i don’t like sounding cheesy and shit fjkfkds but let it slide this time, the times we do talk are times i treasure more than i can explain, deadass. i feel like i don’t tell you this enough but you guys are better friends than i could ever ask for. again, we don’t talk as much, but 2020 would’ve sucked a thousand times more if we didn’t talk a lot, so thank you tons for being part of it and i hope you’ll be there for 2021 too :’)

@soulkhunscompass LISTEN. listen. i’ll say it, i’ll just fucking say it: i don’t deserve you at fucking all :///// you’re way too sweet to me, talking to you always makes me smile and laugh, esp when you promise making me food one day ffjdkfjkds. but somehow?? at the same time, and idk how you do it, but somehow SOMEHOW you never fail to make me feel appreciated whenever you tell me sweet ass things. ‘in return’, never forget that both that and you are something i appreciate way way more k >:( and also >:(( never forget that i love you so much, literally more than i love how the corner of felix’s eyes crinkle up whenever he smiles and that’s,,, that’s a damn lot tbh 👉👈

@chwe-yeeun honestly i’m lowkey sobbing while writing this. you’re one of those i only got to know this year, in fact just a few months ago but nonetheless, you’re still one of those i treasure a whole damn lot. like you said, you love making me suffer with pretty boys, it hurts but it’s still funny lmao, i appreciate but also feel bad whenever you have to deal with my bullshit whenever i come crying to you over eric those pretty boys, aNd ThE tImEs yOu SeNd ThAt CuTe HuG?? i return them all, like fr take my heart i don’t need it, it’s your for the taking like literally fuck it. moral of the story, i love you tons and thank you for being there with and for me :’)

@riskyrenjun i might as well start off and say that i fucking screeched when i saw you in my notifs and mention my content on your blog bc?? the queen herself?? noticed me?? wtf?? and i’ll be honest, i’ve been following you for a good while and for the longest time ever i wanted to hit you up bc you’ve literally always seemed so precious sO?? dO YOU EVEN KNOW??? hoW hAPPY i am?? that we actually?? are friends?? i’ve done nothing to deserve that but here we are fjkflkd. i saw your end-of-the-year post, i’m sorry i haven’t responded to it and that i’ve been so shit at talking lately, but i promise i’ll try to get better at it lmao so!!! i hope you’ll still stick around with me at that point because i can be really fucking damn annoying 🥺 long story short pray for a good 2021 bc you’ll probably regret ever even wanting to talk to me once we’ve become closer lol <3

there are a few other friends and mutuals i wanna include here; i don’t talk as much with some of y’all, others are people i’m still getting to know but nevertheless, i want you to know that meeting each one of you here on this hellsite is a blessing in itself and that it’s one of the things i’m happy 2020 has actually given me :’)

@0325-4419 @marculees @jwisungchan @stealerz @ciiikb @zoey-angel-istaeminsbitchnow @yangles @violethhj @littlefallenrebel  

alllso to dear dc servers: @planteii @joey-yellow-county @sakura-writes-stuff @bound-writings @koukounuts @classicalsylph  the rest of the server bc i’m struggling really hard to find them // @crimsoncitrus @everythingsinred and the rest of that server because again i’m struggling to find the url to the rest fjdkfkd; i’m not particularly active in neither but i still want you to know that i’m very grateful for being able to be part of two v v warm and welcoming servers, so thank you for that 🥺

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #475

(from two days ago, oops)

What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) I really like a steady rain tapping on the windows. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No, because I'm ugly. It's annoying because I've been wanting to take pics with Girt considering even as just friends literally none exist of us, but yeah. I fucking hate taking pictures of myself and it takes a billion and two tries to get a picture I deem "acceptable" anyway. Were you named after anyone? No. What was the last comic book you read? I don't and never have read comic books. What is your heritage? German, Irish, and Polish. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. All things considered, somehow my former best friend was the worst. She was homophobic, racist, extremely self-centered, drama-driven, excessively bossy, ungrateful... I will never be able to explain how our friendship ever worked. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Burn it. With certainty. We just aren't meant to live forever. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? 99% of my life has been Cringe. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? Be distracted/not pay attention to the other, like by constantly using their phone. It's so rude. That would immediately make me lose interest in you. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? I dunno. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? I was absolutely going to college as a kid. Fast-forward to the future, I've dropped out three times and am going nowhere. Little me saw me as so, so much more successful. Do you actually iron your clothes? No. Unless it's a formal occasion. Do you rent or own your current home? We rent. Have you ever used cursive after school, aside from your signature? My handwriting is naturally mostly cursive. Do you have your groceries delivered or do you buy them yourself? We order our groceries for pick-up, so we have to go to the store, but not in. Do you have a gym membership? Sigh. I do, but Mom and I have really been neglecting going since my time with my personal trainer ran out... What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror, of course. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you ever been severely mentally ill? I am. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? EW no, that shit grosses me out so much. If someone’s laughing, do you instantly think they’re laughing at you? Suuuure do. How would you react if your parents told you they were having another baby? Well, they're divorced, Mom cannot stand my dad, and she also had a complete hysterectomy when she had ovarian cancer, so like... Have you ever had a garage or yard sale before? How much did you make? Over the course of my life, we've had a few yard sales. I don't remember how much we made at any. Have you ever had to evacuate your home for any reason? No. Which mythological creature is your favorite? DRAGONS. I love dragons. Have you ever been to a butterfly garden before? No, but that sounds amazing. What's the biggest bird you've ever seen up close? Oh my god y'all, when I volunteered once at a wildlife rehab center, I was FEET away from some sort of falcon. Guys, you would not believe JUST how big birds of prey are. I was shocked and in total awe. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? More than once. Were you ever afraid of the dark as a child? I don't THINK I was? What is the strangest thing you’ve been asked? Something inappropriate that really pissed me off. What was your favorite game as a child? I was obsessed with the original Spryo trilogy and would play all three obsessively. What is the darkest thing you have seen on the internet? I don't know, dark shit. Do you crack your knuckles, neck or toes constantly? No, but ugh Girt does that with his neck and it drives me insane alsdkjfaljdlfkwe. Are you constantly catching colds or other sicknesses? No, my immune system is a legend. Are you afraid of mice? No, they're precious. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I go on vacations so irregularly that I can't really answer this. I've been on a vacation maybe twice in my entire life. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't like musicals. Will you willingly sing in front of other people besides your family? God no. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? No. I don't like soup. Who can never fail to make you laugh? Absolutely my boyfriend. He's the funniest person I know. Have you ever been on a tour bus? No. Do you prefer listening to things through headphones or speakers? Earplugs. Are you listening to music right now? No; I'm watching Gab play The Evil Within. Have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? Just one of them, but we were together at the time. What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? Mom made pizza. What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? Girt's mother has Covid. He's vaccinated, but nevertheless, he's still getting a test done just to be safe, and also because if he's contracted it, I might have it. And that means my mother could get it, which just cannot happen, even if she's vaccinated, too. The poor guy is really freaking out about it, but ASTONISHINGLY, I'm not panicking yet. Girt's health has seemed fine, I'm fine, so... We'll just have to wait to see what his test says. Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No; yes. I hate living in the suburbs, it sucks here. Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?' No. Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? No. Has anyone ever called you a sociopath before? No. Do you have freckles? Do you like/dislike them? Not on my face, no. I have a few randomly on my body though. Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No. Have you downloaded extra fonts for your computer? Oh, plenty. Who is the latest great YouTuber you’ve discovered? The latest, uhhhh. I'd probably say John Wolfe as a truly "great" one considering I watch him regularly now. Do you read the Bible regularly? Yeah, no. All the Bible does is piss me off, frankly. Name three patriotic songs you like. I don't know about three, but I do shockingly like this one country song with a name I can't remember. All I know is it has "red, white, and blue" in the title. ... I think. Oh! There's "Deutschland" by Rammstein, even though it's not about my own country. Has it ever snowed on your birthday? Maybe at some point as a kid? Idr. Do you like the way your name is spelled? No, actually. I wish it was "Brittney." It's more true to the pronunciation. Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest, and while I really shouldn't care, like believe what you want, it's a genuine pet peeve of mine when others base their fucking lives around what positions some goddamn stars are in in an infinite universe. They make decisions based on bullshit being spat at them that might not be suitable. I know, it's stupid to care, but I can never seem to NOT roll my eyes when I see/hear people blaming their flaws and shit on this stuff. Are you one of those people who has like a hundred apps on their phone? No; I have very few. What’s the band that you love even though you know they’re awful? I can't help but love some Blood on the Dance Floor songs. :x Do you coo over other people’s babies? No, not really. Like I can acknowledge a cute picture and be like "awww," but it's nothing I lose my mind over at all. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? The only high school friend of mine I'm still actively friends with/is still in my life is Girt, obviously. Like I have HS friends on Facebook that I still very much love and will react to what they post and sometimes comment, but we don't really talk-talk. Do you dye your hair regularly? No. :/ That's not something I can afford to do. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. Do you know both of your biological parents? Which one do you prefer? I do, and I love them both. Do you store a lot of pictures you’ve taken that no one else has seen? I'm a wanna-be photographer, of course I do. If you had to name your kid after an American state, which would you choose? Probably "Dakota" for either gender. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have your normal dryer. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. Do/did you doodle on your books at school? My notebooks and binders, ohhhh yes. Actual school textbooks, absolutely not. Who’d you last see in a tux? The groom and groomsmen of the last wedding I shot. Who’s the bravest person you know? Sara. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? No.

[purplesurveys]

1047

What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? I can think of a few things. There’s 9/11 though I was barely conscious then, Osama Bin Laden’s death, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, 2011 Japan earthquake, and the H1N1 and Covid pandemics. In my country, there were typhoons Ondoy and Yolanda, the Manila hostage crisis, and the Hello Garci election corruption scandal. Out of these, though, I’d say the heaviest ones to bear have been 9/11 and Covid.

What happens in your country regularly that people in most countries would find strange or bizarre?

We use a spoon and fork to eat and only really fancy shmancy restaurants give you a knife and a fork. Many eat with their hands as well, though this is way more common in provinces.

Everyone is late to everything and punctuality isn’t a thing, which is a big culture pet peeve of mine and I still like arriving early/on time anywhere.

This applies to Asia in general lmao, but shoes typically aren’t allowed or at least frowned upon if they go beyond the main entrance of houses.

We start Christmas as early as September, and we end it by the last week of January

When families get together, aunts/uncles will usually greet their nieces/nephews by asking if they already have a boy/girlfriend and/or telling them that they got fat. Horror relatives will greet you with both.

People generally like to keep to themselves, so striking a friendly conversation with strangers even if you have the pure, genuine intention to be simply friendly will just lead them to think you’re being a creep lol

What has been blown way out of proportion? The effects of video games and the question of it increasing violence among kids. Sure there’ve been gruesome accounts and no one’s invalidating those, but the overwhelmingly vast amount of people who play video games end up okay. I had so many killing binges on GTA but to this day I can’t even look at a real gun without shuddering, lol. When was a time you acted nonchalant but were going crazy inside? This is me every morning at work. 9 AM-11 AM is always the busiest period and it’s a lot of shit happening at the same time and a lot of morning deadlines to meet, but unlike college I can’t exactly call for a timeout whenever I want and have panic attacks anymore.

What’s about to get much better? I hope my fucking life is next in line. I’m tired of being tired of being tired.

What are some clever examples of misdirection you’ve seen? Probably all the times WWE would mislead viewers on a rumored return or debut of a big name by saying they’re in another city, implying that there’s no way they’d be appearing on a WWE show. This happened with Ronda Rousey and it was so fucking exciting when she finally showed up, haha.

What’s your funniest story involving a car? I don’t know, really...I don’t try to be funny when I’m on the wheel lol. Probably the time I let Angela use my car on campus, and when she needed to make a u-turn she ended up doing an awkward 90º turn and had an SUV nearly crash towards us. She had only driven a handful of times at that point so she was a little clumsy, but neither of us had any idea she’d fuck up a simple u-turn as badly as she ended up doing lmao.

What would be the click-bait titles of some popular movies? I can think of more clickbait posters than titles, but I can’t seem to remember what those films are called right now.

If you built a themed hotel, what would the theme be and what would the rooms look like? Themed hotels generally make me cringe. The most theme-y place we ever stayed at was the lodge in Sagada and it was really just more homey than anything. I’m not into themes when it comes to hotels as I find it a little cheap lol and I’ve always preferred a straightforward experience in the places I stay at for vacations.

What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? A way to live forever. < This is a good one. Also, maybe a huge asteroid or meteor bound to hit the planet that will make widespread extinction a certainty? I can’t even begin to imagine the panic that will rise from something like that.

Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? I doubt it. It sounds difficult especially when you realize we’re 7 billion in total.

What would your perfect bar look like? As long as there aren’t any annoying younger college kids, who are almost always the loudest crowd and not in a good way, I’m okay with any kind of bar.

What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Some shots in 2001: A Space Odyssey are freaky as fuck. There were several scenes that included sudden HAL shots, and I did not enjoy those. How the fuck Kubrick managed to make a computer scary is beyond me. I’ve also always skipped the vortex scene with the creepy face shots after seeing it once.

What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? This is a really vague question... a few months ago I watched this video diary of parents who had a child born at like 25 weeks. Just way too early, basically. And they recorded the kid’s weekly progress, how she kept fighting, and her journey of being transported from one machine to another while she still needed them. It was beautiful to see her get bigger and plumper with each week that passed and it was just such a feel-good story to watch. I was so relieved when they showed footage of her as a normal, healthy toddler by the end of the clip.

What’s the grossest food that you just can’t get enough of? I know balut is pretty unpopular in the Western part of the world, but I’ll gladly eat a dozen of them in one sitting. In general Asian street food is usually considered gross - pig intestines, chicken intestines, chicken feet, pig ears, etc., but all are normal in the culture I was raised in.

What brand are you most loyal to? It’s annoying and I can’t help it, but Apple.

What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? I try not to make it regular, but sometimes a mistake on my end will slip through in an email I’m sending and I have to send another email correcting myself and apologizing for the oversight. One of my least favorite parts about work.

If you had to disappear and start a whole new life, what would you want your new life to look like? I’m not wishing for much. I just wish it was easier to remove any trace of me on social media sites and have it be as if I never existed because I think that would make it easier for me to move on from...well, you know what. I still have trouble verbalizing it and I don’t feel like mentioning it tonight.

But idk, I like staying connected to my family and friends, so idk if I can ever achieve that. And that said, I think I’m bound to always keep seeing her around.

What movie or book do you know the most quotes from? I memorize a pathetic amount of dialogue from Love Actually, Twilight, Titanic, and The Proposal.  What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I guess Coldplay? They gave assigned lightsticks for each section and the crowd looked amazing when the production crew activated the lights for certain songs. I still have some of the clips because I posted them on Snapchat, so I’m really glad I did that; otherwise I would’ve lost the videos forever.

Where are you not welcome anymore? I’ve felt pretty unwelcome around her. How she could do a 180 and just not be interested in having anything to do with me is really soul-crushing.

What do you think could be done to improve the media? Fact fucking check, please. Also keeping sources balanced, avoiding clickbait headlines, being more objective than neutral, and don’t fucking sensationalize. How timely that this landed on a journalism graduate, hahaha.

What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Start Up but I haven’t continued in the last two weeks :/ I think it’s because I know I’m nearing the finale and I subconsciously just don’t want to run out of Start Up episodes to watch lol but yeah, I still have four episodes left and I have no clue when I’ll watch it again.

What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Being close with their mom and considering them as their rock.

What are some misconceptions about your hobby? I don’t know enough about embroidery to know misconceptions about it.

What did you Google last? 2001: A Space Odyssey because I needed to be sure of the scenes I planned on citing in the question above that made me mention the movie.

What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Not being able to find a restaurant to eat at. The backstory is a little complicated but it’s the same fight that led my younger brother to slap me across the face, and what subsequently led me to stop speaking to him.

If money and practicality weren’t a problem, what would be the most interesting way to get around town? Probably a tank.

What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? It’s always the ones on Wikipedia lol. I find weird and interesting articles on there all the time; there’s always something new to read.

What odd smell do you really enjoy? The rain, though sometimes it can be too overpowering when the humidity has been high. I like it for the most part, though.

What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh every time you see it? Streetwear is so fucking dull to me. I never saw the appeal.

What’s your best story of you or someone else trying to be sneaky and failing miserably? Hahahaha this happened just a few weeks ago actually. My parents and I were headed out to have some ramen, and I opened the car door to hop onto the backseat. They didn’t prepare beforehand and they left the Christmas gift I asked for - a corkboard - in the backseat, so I was able to see the whole thing, unwrapped and with price tag and all. Their mortified faces knowing that their secret’s been blown were hilarious. They had no choice but to just give it up, and the corkboard has been on my wall since.

If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I guess the stability of our relationship, their general mood for the day, and erm how badly they need a hug because I’m always willing to give some.

What’s the best way you or someone you know has gotten out of a ticket / trouble with the law? My mom fake-cries her way out and it’s always been hilarious to see a grown ass woman do it and pull it off every time.

Tear gas makes people cry and laughing gas makes people giggle, what other kinds of gases do you wish existed? I don’t really want to manipulate people’s action in this way, so pass.

[theaterdisneynerdsunite]

A (Controversial) Ranking Of 2010’s 10 Tony Winning Best Musicals

Remember when I thought this blog would be full of original theater content? Oops. Anyways here’s my list. Keep in mind some of these were incredibly close. I kept switching around 7/8, 5/6, and 3/4, but this is what I ultimately settled on. There’s a certain placement that I’m sure a lot of people are going to say is way too low, I’m not saying this is the definitive ranking or “correct”, just my personal opinion based on my individual taste. There are a bunch of musicals from this decade that I love that didn’t win the Tony, but that’s an entirely separate list lol.

10: Memphis

Tbh I know nothing about this show. It could be fantastic, but I’ve never heard the soundtrack, know nothing about it, and am unfortunately unable to listen to the soundtrack until 2020. Nothing against Memphis, I just don’t know anything about it which is why I put it at the bottom

9: Dear Evan Hansen

Put down your pitchforks. This is why I put controversial in the title. I’ve listened to this show multiple times, I’ve read the plot a bunch of times, I’ve had DEH Stan’s try to change my mind, I really, really wanted to like this show. The actors are incredibly talented and have great voices, no complaints there. I have anxiety and other mental health conditions and I was ecstatic at hearing about a show getting popular being about those things. I wanted to like this show. I wanted to connect to Evan, I really did, but the way the story is written makes me deeply uncomfortable with what it says about mental illness, and the music is fine but doesn’t distract from the story for me. It’s sort of generic music wise in my opinion. The way they portray both Connor’s and Evan’s characters makes me actively dislike the show, and it is really, really hard to make me actively dislike a show. I feel ambivalent sometimes, I have mixed feelings sometimes, but I actively dislike this show and that almost never happens. Also NPATGCO1812’s score and staging was phenomenal, Come From Away was sentimental and moving without feeling corny, and Groundhog Day surprised me by being better than I expected. I literally preferred every other show in the category from that year, I know a lot of people love it and that’s great but this is where it falls for me.

8. Once

I love the song Falling Slowly, and I think the actors dancing with instruments on stage was really cool. I think it was one of the first times it was done on Broadway, but I’m not sure. Other than the plot being a bit contrived and flat for me, there’s nothing I really dislike about this show. I just...feel nothing about this show. It’s fine, the music is good background study music, it just didn’t leave much of an impression for me.

7. Book of Mormon

So the songs in this show are absolute bops, and some of the wordplay is fantastic. I can appreciate this show for what it was trying to do. But ultimately, this show comes down to the humor, and you either like this style of humor or you don’t. I never personally found South Park to be my taste in humor. If you like South Park, you’re going to love this show. Even though I don’t find South Park funny, there were parts of this show I laughed at. But there were also parts that I cringed at and the cringe parts increased in hindsight. The songs are my favorite part: Hello, Sal Tlay Ka Siti, Turn it Off, Baptize Me, Mostly Me, I love those songs.

6. Fun Home

This show may have three Alison’s, which are all really good, but it felt like two plots to me. There is the story of Alison and her relationship with her father, and there’s the story of Alison’s self discovery and realizing her identity. These stories intertwine, but I personally find the self discovery and realizing her sexuality story much more interesting and compelling, and I also prefer the songs that are a part of that journey. Ring of Keys and Changing My Major are my favorite songs from the cast album. I read the graphic novel and it seems like it is really true to the spirit of the book. This and Memphis are the only ones I haven’t seen or seen a bootleg of, so I’m not really able to comment on the costumes, acting, choreography, setting etc, but for the most part I like what I’ve heard.

5. Band’s Visit

Another show that really comes down to taste. I liked this show when I saw it, the person who came with me didn’t. Part of the point of the show is rather than go to a big exciting city, they end up in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere in a desert where nothing happens. There are multiple songs dedicated to how nothing happens. And there are a bunch of mini story arcs with varying degrees of focus put on them, the focus shifts to much for anything to really happen. Which is the point, and it’s interesting, you just have to know what you’re in for. It feels like Waiting for Godot set to music, which if you like waiting for Godot like I do is a good thing. The romances are sweet. It feels like it should be in a more intimate off broadway setting, but I like it. The music is hit or miss for me, but the hits nail it out of the park. I like a lot of the songs but I love Omar Sharif, I could listen to it on repeat for hours.

4. Kinky Boots

This show is absolutely fantastic and I love everything about it. The fact that it’s at #4 for me was a shock, because this show is so good. This shows how strong the top of the list is in my opinion, because this show knocks it out of the park. This show has so much heart and sole. The costumes, especially for the drag queens, are stunning, the choreography like the boxing match and the conveyor belt dance are really cool, the acting is phenomenal, and the songs. The songs are so good. If they want to make you laugh they make you laugh, if they want to make you cry they make you cry, if they want to make you dance along belting out at the top of your lungs they are going to make you do that. Seriously, this show is so good.

3. Gentlemen’s Guide to Love and Murder

This just barely edged out Kinky Boots, because I feel like most people like and appreciate Kinky Boots, and I feel like Gentleman’s Guide is severely underrated and ranking it higher is going to let me talk about it even longer. This show isn’t as deep as Kinky Boots but it doesn’t try to be. What this show is, and why I think it’s underrated, is pure comedy. There are a lot of comedic Best Musicals sure, but the comedy is only part of it, but this one is wholeheartedly a comedy, which I feel is kind rare. A lot of things have comedy but it seems like not many are straight up comedy anymore. And the thing is... I’m not usually a fan of straight up comedy, like there are very few straight comedy movies that I enjoy, so the fact that I love this so much when I expected to only like it makes it even better. And as much as I call it a pure comedy, it’s got beautiful love song, great commentary, and a couple of twists that are fun even though you see them coming. The murders are really creative and funny. The characters are great, I love the gag with the Dysquiths where all of the murdered people are played by one actor. The acting, costume quick changes, and everything involved in pulling it off is so cool. I love the songs so much, I don’t think there’s a weak one in the bunch. And one scene may have one of my favorite bits of choreography of all time. It only needs three people, a doorframe and a chair. It’s not flashy or involves a million moving pieces like the costume bit does, but it is ingenious in its simplicity and comedic timing. This show seems largely forgotten by people, maybe because it’s not trying to be deep, but it 100% deserves more love than it gets.

2. Hadestown

If Gentleman’s Guide is one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen, this is one of my favorite modern cast albums. This also hits a lot of my personal interests, so that definitely helps. I love Greek mythology, I love the anachronistic but also roaring 20’s setting, I love the genres of music they pull from, I love the oral tradition storytelling feel it has, it hits so many of my stylistic favorites that I naturally feel pulled towards it. I love the music, if you asked me to pick my top five, no top ten songs from this show I couldn’t do it. The casting fits the characters perfectly, and the songs match the characters so well. The lyrics are fantastic and the themes are both timeless and incredibly relevant. It feels like it was written in the past year or two, especially the song Why we Build the Wall, but it was written way before ‘Build the wall’ was ever a thing. And the design of the show is so incredibly effective, everything contributes to the feel of the piece and the function of the show. Everything seems so well thought out and crafted, from the costumes to the choreography to the script to the music, there is so much attention to detail and is so intricately tied together even though it feels simple, earnest and straightforward. Which to me is an incredibly difficult needle to thread. Like the famous Dolly Parton quote “it takes a lot of work to look this cheap”, it is such a complex show that looks so simple. And it’s so immersive, you fall into the story. You know how it ends, it tells you from the beginning how it ends, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling exactly what they’re feeling, from believing wholeheartedly that it could end differently despite knowing how it ends, it’s a masterful piece of art.

1. Hamilton

I doubt this comes as a surprise to anyone, even if I did technically make you Wait For It. I feel like calling it a cultural phenomenon is underselling it’s impact. There’s nothing I could possibly say about this show that hasn’t been said hundreds of thousands of times already. This show is a piece of lyrical genius, of musical genius too but a lyrical masterpiece. This show was like Rent was in the 90’s or Wicked in the 00’s, not only an instant classic that permanently affected the modern theater world, but outside of theater as well. I have loved theater long before Hamilton, but this show spoke to so many people outside of theater, made so many people fall in love with theater that wouldn’t have otherwise. It might not be my favorite show by Lin Manuel Miranda, it might not even be my personal favorite one on this list to see live, but nothing else could possibly take the top spot of this list for me. Who would have thought a hip hop inspired rap musical about a relatively ignored founding father would become the juggernaut it is. I don’t know what else to say that other people haven’t said already. It’s Hamilton, what else can I say?

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Cringe Worthy

I've been trying to finish Ingrid Goes West for months now. This thing was on my list to see in theaters but it was only dropped for about a week here, at one theater, upon it's initial run. Sacramento is getting better at his type of stuff but we're still country as f*ck so we don't usually get the smaller, performance driven, independent films like, say, real f*cking cities. It's such a frustration because Sacramento is the whole ass Capitol of California. Suffice it to say, I rejoiced when I found it on Hulu. In this, the stupidest apocalypse ever, I has all the time in the world to see this film.

The Good

Aubrey Plaza as the title character, Ingrid Thorburn, was exceptional. I love Plaza in almost everything she decides to do. I don't think  have ever seen a performance that was overtly horrible. Plaza ha this earnest weird energy to her which infects every role that she's in. She doesn't just play herself, there are actually characters behind that cringe, but its definitely there. Plaza was able to harness that chaotic energy and deliver one of the most quietly unsettling performances of a deranged person, I have ever seen.

It's weird seeing Elizabeth Olsen outside the MCU. Wanda wasn't he first role I saw Olsen in, that belong to the mediocre Oldboy remake, but it is the role I associate with her more than any other. Seeing her effectively go against type in this as the very plastic, very cliche, “social media influence” Her Taylor Sloane is every bit the Tik Tok star,Youtbe personality, Viner that you abhor. Pretentious, vapid, superficial, and absolutely fake, the real Sloane is far more normal and far more disappointing in reality, a fact that isn't lost in Olsen's rather nuanced performance.

Watching O'Shea Jackson Jr. get more work has been a real pleasure. To date, his best role is, ironically, playing his dad in Straight Outta Compton but, his Dan Pinto is a close second. O'Shea is the straight man in all of this, the audience surrogate so to speak. He ends up completely infatuated with Ingrid and decides to go along with her bullsh*t until it get insane. Dan is almost constantly calling this chick out on her bullsh*t the same way I was screaming at my television. Jackson is coming along as a performer though, if I'm being honest, he was the weakest out of the principal cast but not by much Olsen is a vet in this game and Plaza might be a genius in these types of roles. Plus, this was literally Jackson's second movie so the fact that he not only delivers but completely steals the occasional scene or two, is testament to his ability.

The rest of this cast was fantastic. Billy Magnussen is f*cking unhinged as Sloane's brother, Nicky, and Wyatt Russell was surprisingly warm as her husband, Ezra O'Keafe. Meredith Hagner was awesome to see, she's a favortie from that show you should be watching but probably don't, Search Party, SO anytime i get more of her is a goddamn pleasure. And, of course, more Pom Klementieff is always appreciated.

The chemistry among this cast is palpable. You can really tell they enjoyed each other on set, especially Olsen and Plaza. They gt along swimmingly on film, playing off each other with ease. There was a genuine nature to what was presented on film that effectively elevated all of the performances, making Ingrid one of the most watchable films on record. Despite how goddamn awkward a watch it is.

Ingrid Goes West is one of the most cringy, vicarious embarrassment inducing, films I have ever seen in my life but, at the same time, it's f*cking hilarious. The way this thing is written, the circumstances of events and how they unfold, make for some of the funniest scenes caught on tape but in a weird way. Like, you feel bad laughing at the sh*t in this thing but it's absolutely hilarious. Sh*t is mad uncomfortable but you still end up chuckling anyway because it's still funny as sh*t.

This thing is a sneak thriller disguised as a black comedy. It's shot a lot like that old Carrey vehicle, The Cable Guy, which is, itself, a sneak thriller. Don't misunderstand, this flick is genuinely funny, the jokes land with an uncomfortable guffaw, but that doesn't take away from the terrifying reality of what you're seeing. Credit to Matt Spicer for walking that line and giving us one cleverly f*cked up experience.

I've seen this story done before to varying success. Ingrid is one of the better renditions. This flick is Single White Female for Millennial and I felt that. There is a distinct, underlying current, of abject loneliness and the need for the superficiality of my generation. Spicer also has a writer credit on this thing. Dude is the same age as I am so he has a genuine understanding of how to terrify cats in my age range while delivering one of the funniest films I have seen in years.

The writing is sharp as f*ck in this. Nothing ever feels out of place or some sh*t people wouldn't say in real like. There are no characters that feel fake or created for “the movies.” I mean, there are those, Taylor's brother immediately comes to mind, but dude is, at most, a caricature not perversion. These people exist out in the wild. I know they do. I know people like them. I have interactions like these within my friend group. Seeing a theatrically released film actually get that right was pretty dope.

The Bad

This, whole ass movie, is an exercise in the uncomfortable. It's cringe manifest. I understand that's the point of this movie and, for me, it enhances the viewing experience considerably, but that sh*t is palpable and will f*ck people up if they are susceptible or triggered by this type of stuff. It feels like the most uncomfortable parts of The Office but for two goddamn hours and not the ten minutes of Michael's tomfoolery. Its like watching Scott's Tots on repeat.

This movie feels a lot longer than it really is and that, absolutely has to do with the cringe factor. This film is relentless with the uncomfortable and that sh*t adds YEARS onto the run time. I was exhausted after seeing this thing and realized it's bare over an hour and a half. Finishing this felt like finishing Uncut Gems or The Autopsy of Jane Doe, both of which are excellent films in their own right.

The Verdict

I love this movie, man. It's not as good as I hoped but it was still an excellent watch. Aubrey Plaza is outstanding as Ingrid. Even though she's got great support like Jackson and Olsen to play off of, this is definitely Plaza's vehicle. She's able to expand upon, and give life to, a character that is already well written. The actualization of Ingrid on film so wholly couldn't be possible without an absolutely clear vision and Matt Spicer delivered that in spades. His writing and direction was the mortar that holds this string of incredible performances, wonderful shots, and witty dialogue, together. This is one of those rare films that knows exactly what it wants to say, that is hard for a major studio to back, because the content will definitely alienate. While I don't have many bad things to say about it, the two thing that I did reference are massive. This thing is built to keep you uncomfortable and that makes the film way too long in the tooth. It's absolutely intentional but, f*ck, does it hurt. Ingrid Goes West is an exercise in straight up masochism but, like the Ms of the world know, this movie can be legit rewarding if you accept the pain.

[hootpoop12]

Ok, Meat route feelings:

Ok, this is...by FAR the superior route just saying. Not. That that is saying much seeing what the candy route was but every time I fall into despair over this I just grit my teeth and think about how parts of meat weren’t terrible pfft

-Lets get the johnrezi out of the way cause that’s kinda my thing. So. Good shit pfft I will admit I was little worried that Calliope and mainly Dirk could have tampered with them a bit but I’m pretty sure for the most part they didn’t? Dirk kinda made John feel weird post coital which kinda pissed me off but other than that. Them feelings 100% legit. These two people genuinely love each other. In both routes John’s thought would ALWAYS drift back to Terezi and Terezi’s only comfort was having John’s body with her after it all. Their romance is both cathartic because they are two MISERABLE people who only have each other to understand their feelings and fucking tragic because in candy all he had was a picture and in meat they had a physical confirmation of their feelings only for it to be voyeur’d and then ripped away by fucking John’s death. If there is more to come- I can only image there is- Terezi and Vriska will hopefully somehow team up and look for a way to revive John. Even If their romance was fleeting like 95% ship in Homestuck their support and care for one another is fucking REAL. It was straight UP the only real thing in Candy and I will fight others who say differently. 

-John going back in time to round everyone up felt weird. For the first time they all really felt like children and them all fighting lord english? WOW. Ouch. Especially Dave?? This Dave was the last to go and in the most brutal fucking way?? Kid had to watch Rose and Jade die and still fought pretty well, though. which goes to show Dave is a fucked up dude but when it comes to shit that needs to get done he can hold his own. Thaaaaaats why Adult Dave in both epilogues kinda grated on me a little? Not to fucking say UGH Dave is now more healed and stable this sucks!! I’m more saying there’s a lot of fics that whumpify Dave into a soft boi who too pure for this world and it slightly reminds me of it. That’s probably more of me just being to attached to MY view and headcanons of Dave, though, and maybe I need to let that go a little? 

-Davekat finally fucking happened. Ten years is too long of a slow burn for me I’m sorry lmao seriously I sound like Dirk when I say this but I really thought they sac’d up during the meteor and were already in a relationship. Dave’s whole conversation with John on the lilypad.......literally sounded like he was in a relationship with Karkat.......what the hell, honestly...........I’m glad it was on Dave’s own volition rather than’s Dirk’s gross as fuck pushing at least.

-That brings us to Dirk. The man who has been making my stomach church whenever I remember. My feelings about him are...............fucking complicated. I’ve been reblogging and bitching about him being “ruined” or whatever but.......That really is the simplified version of what I’ve been thinking. I think.....He’s been corrupted by his aspect or he’s just taking this heel “must be the new villain” too seriously. Like, I fucking despise it when people go off and say Bro was corrupted by Cal or Gamzee was corrupted by literally anything cause those two are just fucking trash, I’m sorry. I think I’m mostly upset by Dirk more than anything because his WHOLE thing was that he was a controlling dude with the potential to become an atrocious man and that he was starting to really take control of his path and work his way into becoming a better person. His talk with Jane on his sacrificial slab? His talk with Dave on the roof..........His heart aspect had begun to bring all his splinters together for his ultimate self and when the majority of your splinters carry a very sociopathic personality..............Man, there was literally no hope for him ever, huh? Literally none. The theme of working towards a better version of yourself is MEANINGLESS if your name is Dirk Strider. A character who struggles with depression, suicide, and absolute self loathing and his only path is this. Become the monster he was always terrified to become. Like I’m straight up about to cry writing this holy shit. Dirk is one of my favorite characters of all time- my FIRST favorite character when reading the comic- one of my MAIN reasons for reading it because I heard there was a canon gay character and I needed that in that time of my life. What almost hurts just as much as Dirk being a good guy and forcefully having this fate thrust upon him is that Roxy, the person Dirk cared about the most,.........Like............misgendering them. and being incredibly flippant and rude about trans stuff.......I can’t even begin to describe how much it hurt to read the character you looked up so much fucking being terrible about something that means so much to you. I’m agender and it just hurt is all I’m saying. This leads back to the bizarre issue of Dirk also being sexist and using gay in a strangely duragatory way. Like, Dirk grew up not really putting values on labels so for him to be weirdly transphobic does lead back to the ideas of this being a corrupted Dirk or him just playing the role of a villain. I do believe there is still the old Dirk we know in there, however, as even now Dirk states he could NOT hurt Dave. So some hope?

-Jake. I’m pretty sure Hussie fucking hates the dude like holy shit lmao......lmao in the least funniest way..............In both route Jake is jerked around like a plaything, having his personality dampened by the oppressive narrative. The one time we see Jake have repreive from such a shitty fate is when he’s talking to davekat about the election. That was the single moment we saw the curtain fall and the “intelligence” reenter the dude. I know this is like the “fanon” version of Jake. Every single character has fallen to that: whumpified Dave, puppet master dirk, bitchy mean jane, ect but litereally reading about him coming back to himself fucking HURT. Him being made to be obsessed with Dirk was so fucking gross I was cringing the entire time. The last few months I’ve been slowly accepting DirkJake back into my heart and this just fucking SHATTERED that warmth holy shit. Jake’s struggles with non-consensual bullshit is really starting to wear me down I just want him to be happy and RESPECTED. 

-Alrighty heavy stuff out of the way I will say this: I read candy first and at the end where Alt!Calliope is speaking to Aradia I had almost no goddamn idea what the fuck she was talking about. I even started to get kinda angry cause Homestuck tends to not take itself TOO seriously? There are some philosopical mind melting shit to read and consider but never too much where it’s incomprehensible to me? So when I finished candy I was like alright. Hussie just wanted to jerk himself off. whatever. Then I read meat and was like. OH. This.......this is actually fantastically interesting I can do this meta bullshit! and despite everything I just said about Dirk..........I fucking MISSED reading in his voice and it caught me off guard SO much which is what I love about Homestuck. There were a lot of tip offs but the one that really stood out to me before finding out was the Jake and Jane makeout. It kept going back to Dirk and I was very surprised by that? Jake sounded like he was over Dirk and yet here he was......unable to stop thinking about it? Shit makes. SO much sense I definitely am gonna reread it to look for other stuff, too. The tug of war via the narrative was incrediably entertaining as well.....Dirk is like a super sensitve incel now (caliborn would be proud) so it was hilarious to see him lose grip of it to Calliope. UGH I’m a little guilty to say it but I’m such a slut for anything Dirk I’m also KINDA looking forward to see where this goes and enjoying him being a villain A LITTLE. I know I sound wish washy but hey sometimes feelings contradict!

[obscurehistoricalinterests]

P.J. Ransone on finding himself through Generation Kill

Twenty-seven is a strange age in the most Joseph Campbell sense of the number, especially for the male persuasion. It is the time when you realize you’re not 20 anymore, that whatever clever antics you may have done at a younger age now make you cringe. You’re also coming up hard on 30 and I think you start to evaluate the path that you’re on. Twenty-seven is the age when rock stars die and become legends, but to me it marked the death of my youth, when my past caught up with me and punched me in the head.

 I weighed 115 pounds, was about 30 grand in debt and had developed a pretty healthy heroin habit. I had a few accomplishments under my belt as far as my career was concerned: I had been in some successful movies and television shows, and a few almost-successful rock bands. I was “cool” (in my mind at least) to a handful of downtown Manhattan degenerates. Things got so out of control in my head, that at one point I remember being offended when my agency would send me scripts for roles as “the junkie.” Looking back, I was far from the person I wanted to be. I was quickly on my way to being a 30-year-old adolescent. Twenty-seven changed that.

I was involved in a five-year relationship with a wonderful woman who I loved very much. It had run its course. Or to put it more succinctly: she got fed up with my bullshit and finally decided to leave. Let’s face it — junkies don’t tend to make the best boyfriends.

This set off a chain of events that led me to sober up and step up to the table as far as being a man was concerned. There were a lot of things going on inside me that I hadn’t faced, or at the very least, refused to acknowledge for a long time. There were a lot of hard corners in me that needed to be softened. I had no idea what the results were going to be as far as taking some responsibility for my past, but the outcome has been pretty remarkable.

It’s funny what happens to you when you decide — or are forced to decide — to make positive changes for yourself, because in my experience it starts a nuclear chain reaction. Change is painful no matter what form it takes. I’ve learned that the only constant in this weird life is, in fact, change.  If I’m not going through it, something is wrong.

I feel like I evolved into the human being I had hoped to become while living in Africa working on a miniseries for HBO called Generation Kill, based on the book by the same name written by Evan Wright about his time embedded with a battalion of reconnaissance Marines during the initial six weeks of the invasion of Iraq. The book is basically an apolitical, true-life account of what it’s like to be on the ground as an enlisted serviceman in modern warfare. Ostensibly, it’s a road-trip story. Writers David Simon and Ed Burns adapted the screenplays with Wright, and I had worked with the pair previously on HBO’s The Wire. When I arrived in Namibia — where I was to live for seven months while filming the show — I had no idea what to expect. I had landed the part of Cpl. Ray Person, the sped-up Marine who drove the point Humvee in Iraq in March of 2003. The role itself was much bigger than I had anticipated. The amount of work cut out for me had yet to sink in.

The day I turned 28, I was participating in a simulated night mission that marked the end of a boot camp that all the actors were required to participate in before we began filming. It was kind of unreal how much had changed in a year.     Part of the catalyst for growth was the job itself, but much of the credit can go to the people with whom I got to share the experience. During this time, I became acquainted with two guys who changed my life.

Eric Kocher and Jeff Carizales are two Marines who fought together in OIF1 (Operation Iraqi Freedom). They had been brought to Africa to be military accuracy advisers during production, and their input was instrumental to the credibility of the show. Not only are they Marines, but they are two of the actual guys about whom Evan Wright wrote in his book. So here are these two dudes, reliving the drama of their lives, watching actors interpret their stories so that they are portrayed as accurately as possible. I think the word “trippy” comes to mind. I had no idea that I was going to end up loving these guys as much as I do.

Eric Kocher is imposing in the most terrifying sense. Imagine a shorter version of the Incredible Hulk with Tom Selleck’s face and a brain filled with an encyclopedic knowledge of military history and modern warfare tactics. By age 28, he had served in the Marine Corps for close to 10 years and done more than five combat tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan. While on a combat mission in Iraq, his Humvee was hit by a rocket- propelled grenade that nearly blew his arm off. Another member of his team, who was in the back of the truck, lost both of his hands in this same attack. Later, he would tell me that he himself pulled out the pins that had been surgically implanted in his hands so that he could get back to combat sooner. When people ask about the insane scar on his right arm he usually tells them it’s from an old “skateboardin’ accident.” He is one of the funniest people I know. For as intense as his appearance is, he’s one of the most loyal and kind-hearted human beings I have ever met.

The other Marine I befriended was Jeff Carizales. He drove the same Humvee that Eric was in during the invasion in of Iraq. He is 100 percent Texan, through and through. He is the type of person who will insult you within seconds of making your acquaintance, only to test your resolve. It’s hard to sum up Jeff in anything short of an epic poem. When I first met him in a bar in Africa, I wanted to punch him in the face within about three minutes. He insulted my clothes, the city I lived in and my general way of life. We only started to bond after we opened up about the demise of both our long-term relationships and our mutual disdain for most actors. Certain anecdotes can paint a better picture. For example, while traveling in Europe recently, he would meet other international backpackers and tell these elaborate stories about what he does for a living. He liked to regale these people by telling them that he was a small-arms dealer training guerilla forces in northern Africa so they could overthrow their governments. The truth is, he is an engineering student at Texas A&M. When he flew home from Europe, he thought it would be funny to dress up in Chechnyan mujahedeen garb, thereby convincing airport security that he was a terrorist. Yes, this is the man I spent seven months with.

These guys introduced me to a side of life with which I had been unfamiliar. In some way, they reconnected me to myself. As a shit-bag junkie who lived in New York, I rarely came across servicemen unless they were sailors visiting the city during Fleet Week, in which case they were usually just in the way on my way to the bar. My father is a Vietnam vet, and my natural inclination towards people who would volunteer for that life could politely be described as “resistant.” I just never understood why someone would knowingly sign up for something that seemed so conformist, in my opinion. I was way off base in this assumption.

Let’s start first by saying that I don’t support this war or the reasons why we are over there. I am of the school of thought that we should clean up our own yard before we start to clean up someone else’s. Having said that, the people I have met who are in the armed forces are doing a uniquely un- American thing. It’s unique in the sense that we grew up in a country of excess, to the extent that in this post-industrial, post-sexual-revolution age in America, my generation gets to live off the fat of the land without developing a work ethic that generations before ours seemed to have had. In the age of short attention spans and reality television, Marines are a group of people that actually strive to go against that excess. As Wright points out in his book, “they have chosen asceticism and assimilation over the idea of being an individual” who can dream big and be the next American Idol winner. Out of this, it seems, comes maturity.

There is a school of thought that seems to imply that as Westerners, we have lost a certain amount of our identity because the rites of passage into adulthood are viewed as archaic. There is no tradition for sending boys out into the wild, not to return home until they came back men. To a large extent, the Marines seem to have experienced these rites, and for a short amount of time, I did as well. While living in Africa, Eric and Jeff forced me to grow up,to look at things differently.

We forged this bond by taking long road trips while filming the series. The production itself was grueling. We had six-day work weeks, but anytime that we would have more than 24 hours off, we would plan these insane adventures and take off on a whim with little more than half a tank of gas and a change of underwear. Most weekends we would drive 10 hours to Cape Town to blow off steam. On longer breaks we would look on a giant map of the continent, pick a spot and point our car towards it. We would have made Hemingway proud.

I can’t tell you how many times Eric and Jeff got me nearly killed, whether it was while we were breaking into Botswana, nearly drowning in the Zambezi river, or avoiding getting trampled by elephants. Our road trips got to be so infamous that the producers would send out memos specifically targeted at our little tribe, letting us know that we were an insurance risk. It’s generally considered a bad thing if one of your actors dies during production — from a business perspective, anyway. In fact, Eric and Jeff always wanted to know the location of the closest U.S. Embassy in case I did die so they could fly back to the states and not get sued by HBO.

During these trips, I really felt alive. My brother (who was with us on some of these adventures) pointed out that it was because these guys have truly lived. They have been around more death and destruction than I could possibly imagine or cope with, yet their vitality is undeniable. I don’t remember a time that my stomach didn’t hurt from laughing. I dealt with more insults and put-downs from them than anyone could imagine, but after a while I came to realize that they were forcing me to examine my shortcomings and actually do something about them. They have a fraternal bond that I envy. For a little while, I got to experience it. They treated me as a brother and tenderized me like a piece of steak, because, at the end of the day, they wanted me at my strongest.

Living in Africa with Eric and Jeff was the best experience of my life so far. The art that imitated life was imitated by life again on our road trips. The irony was that after a breakup forced me to re-examine myself, some of the most romantic moments I have had in my life were with these psycho jarheads — but not in a “gay” way.

It’s been a year since we started production on Generation Kill. I recently turned 29, and by the time this article comes out, the show will be airing. I talk to Jeff and Eric regularly. I miss them and that time in my life. Regardless of whether the show is popular or not, I am a stronger human being because of the experiences I had with them and what they taught me. I will have that for the rest of my life. This August, I plan on taking a motorcycle trip in Mexico with them. There is part of me that hopes not to return, knowing that it wouldn’t be any fun if those two weren’t trying to get me killed somehow every day we’re on the road. I think I can honestly say that while I do not support this war, I do support our troops.

- Source

[blow-up-reactions]

NCT Taeil - A Day To Remember

You were sitting in the dressing room, trying to get some work done while the boys were performing. You could clearly hear Whiplash blast throughout the large stage. Lucky for you, you’ve always found it easy to work in loud noise. And even more convenient you just needed your computer to work.

You had gotten permission by SM to join the tour, and it had been amazing. You had seen NCT 127 and NCT U perform almost every night and you could still work while spending time with Taeil. Plus you had made very good friends with one of the makeup artists, named Cathy.

You had been together since his trainee days and you were getting close to your 4th anniversary. Which was the day after you get back from tour. You couldn’t help but smile as you remember all your years together. You really loved Taeil and you couldn’t wait to celebrate another year with him.

Jus as Whiplash ended Cathy walked through the door with her newly cleaned makeup brushes. “Can I do your makeup?” She asked. It had become a fun way to pass the time during shows, Cathy sometimes puts special effects makeup on you and sometimes fancy makeup, and you enjoyed seeing your face transform. 

“Sure,” you said and got up from your seat and sat in one of the makeup chairs,

While she did your makeup you guys talked about how excited you were for your 4th anniversary and what you were planning on doing. You admitted that Taeil had insisted on planning the whole thing, as all the other NCT members didn’t believe he was as romantic as he said he was. And he was planning on proving them wrong.

Cathy did your hair and makeup. When she was done, the show was almost done as well. “It looks amazing,” you said as Cathy was doing the finishing touches, “wait!” Cathy basically yelled as you froze. She blushed as she handed you a piece of clothing, “try this on with it.” she said. You took it on and saw it was a very cute light blue dress that made your skin color look milky white.

It went perfectly with the makeup, a light lip tint with a simple eye shadow you almost couldn’t see but it went amazing with your deep brown eyes. Your face was framed with loose soft curls making you look cute and innocent. “I love it!” You said as you fixed your hair slightly.

The loud music came to a stop as you heard Marks familiar voice as they began the ending ment. Cathy froze and grabbed your hand and pulled you over towards a section with some of all the clothes the boys had worn during the show. It was under the stage.

As soon as Cathy stopped pulling you, Taeil started talking on stage, “I need you to stand right here, no matter what.” Cathy said, “umm okay?” you answered in a confused tone.

“I’ve had a very special person with me on tour,” Taeil told the fans as they started screaming, and he chuckled slightly. “you probably, know who I’m talking about, my amazing girlfriend, Y/N.” you blushed, your relationship was public but still very private and the fans knew almost nothing about you. 

“She’s also here tonight,” Taeil continued and suddenly the ground under you started moving. You let out a surprised yelp and Cathy giggled, “trust me,” she said as the floor kept moving up on stage, and suddenly you were standing in the middle of the spotlight.

It took you a while to get used to the sharp lights and the loud screams from the fans. As you finally could see, you saw Taeil walking towards you with a huge smile. You barely noticed the other boys standing in the corner of the stage. You looked so lost, that Taeil laughed, “she wasn’t expecting this” he said into the mic.

“So,” Taeil started “ this is my amazing beautiful girlfriend” he stated as he looked everywhere but at you, he was nervous for some reason, “She’s been with me since my trainee days,” the fans went almost silent as they listened to your boyfriend, “and she means very much to me.” A blush made its way on Taeils face as he smiled in a shy way.

“Now, the members claim that I’m not as romantic as I think I am,” Taeil said as he walked to the edge of the stage were a staff shortly walked in and handed him something. He walked back to you and looked out over the ocean of fans, “Y/N, do you think I’m as romantic as I claim I am?” He asked and leaned in so you could speak into the mic.

You thought about the question for a minute before answering “Strongly depends on the situation” You answered with a laugh, Taeil faked a hurt expression, still with a shy smile plastered on his face, “after all the expensive restaurants I took you on!” He said in a dramatic tone, you leaned up to him and spoke into the mic “in your dance practice clothes!” The fans laughed, and Taeil blushed, which made you laugh even more.

“Right, right” he laughed and looked over to the members. “I didn’t bring you up here to expose me to the fans,” he mumbled just loud enough for the fans to be able to hear him. “The real reason I brought you up here is to prove to the members how romantic I am. And I want you guys to scream if you think what I’m doing is romantic, okay?” he asked to the ocean and a huge, “Ne!” sounded from the fans.

“Okay, first of all, I want you to thank you for being an awesome and supportive girlfriend, and even though I’m not good at this feelings thing, I’m going to let it all out today. I want to say that I love you even though I don’t say it enough,” he said, in a serious tone, but still with red cheeks. The fans were already screaming fairly high, as you sent him a heart.

Taeil then pulled out a lily, which is your favorite flower. He gave it to you with the biggest smile and you could feel your ears burning.

He then pulled out a small book. You recognized it as the book he almost always carries around to write things down to remember them. He opened the book at a certain page and looked at it shortly.

“September the 16th 2013″ He read loud and clear, it was exactly 4 years ago today. “I met the sweetest, funniest, and prettiest girl today. Her name is Y/N, and she’s one of the dance instructors daughter. We talked a lot today, and I know it’s early but I think I’m falling for her. I’d get in huge trouble if teacher finds out though”

You smiled as you remember the day you went to work with your dad, you had always liked going to work with him, but after meeting Taeil you went almost every day after school. The first day which apparently was 4 years ago, you had both stayed after practice just to get to know each other. 

Taeil flipped the page and started reading again, “October 8th, I finally got the courage to ask Y/N out, we’re going to one of her favorite Thai restaurants tomorrow. I can’t believe she responded almost right away. Maybe she’d been waiting for me to ask? She seemed happy enough.”

The crowd had become completely quiet, it wasn’t because they didn’t think it was romantic, they were just listening to Taeil’s words. Taeil shortly looked at me with a smile. “October 9th,” he said and I recognized the day as our anniversary. “me and Y/N were on our first date today and I think it was the most relaxed I’ve ever been on a date. I was nervous of course, I still can’t really believe she’d go out with me, but our conversation just flowed, there was no awkward silence and she smiled so much. I want to see her smile again, she’s the prettiest when she smiles.”

The fans awed loudly and Taeil hid his face behind the book, so you were only able to see his red ears. The members started to complain loudly as they wanted him to continue. Taeil cleared his throat and continued, “I don’t wanna mention all the dates we’ve been on, I’d take too long but I have them all written down because they’re important to me and I want to remember them.” he said from behind the book before reading once again.

“October 20th, it’s already me and Y/N 3rd date today, and I’m falling hard. We went out for brunch today and a walk in the park. It was very romantic and the conversation still flowed without any trouble. When the date was over I walked her to her apartment. As we were saying our goodbyes, Y/N leaned in and kissed me. My feelings went from surprised to over the moon happy to embarrassed. I wanted to be the one who kissed her. Oh well, I’m sure I have plenty of time for that.”

The fans screamed, and you started laughing hard. Taeil just wasn’t good at taking hints and you had been staring at his lips all day and dropping subtle hints, you just couldn’t take it anymore as you had just gone for it. Taeil cringed for a bit on stage before yelling “Why did I decide to do this?!” making you and the fans laugh even harder. Taeil cleared his throat once again.

“November 17th, today Y/N met the rest of sm rookies. She was really nervous and honestly so was I. I was afraid that they maknae line would be too overwhelming and scare her away, but I knew that she’s gonna have to meet them at some point so why not.” There sounded some complaining sounds from Mark and Haechan who were the only maknae line that was on tour.

“She was amazing and she clicked with all of them almost right away. I also found out that Y/N’s mom is Chinese so she talked with WinWin almost the entire time. Of course, in Chinese so I couldn’t understand. I honestly don’t care though, Y/N was having a good time and enjoying being with them and that’s what matters the most.”

Taeil carefully peeped over the book, the blush had now spread all over his cheeks and ears. You stepped closer to him and started fanning his hot face to make the fans notice his blush, and it made the crowd laugh as Taeil hid his face in his hand instead. “Lemme be romantic!” He suddenly yelled at you, while still having a shy smile on his face. You laughed but then carefully listened to his words.

“November 30th, we Skyped my parents together for the first time today. Y/N was surprisingly cool. Not even 15 minutes into the call, Y/N and mom were already talking about the recipe for my favorite soup. I realized that we clicked together like a puzzle. She’s definitely the talker of the relationship while I’m shyer. She’s spontaneous while I like to think things through. We make an amazing couple.

January 9th, Today I told Y/N I loved her. It’s the first time I think I’ve felt like this for someone. I truly believe I love her, I love her so damn much and luckily she feels the same way. I was just hanging out at her place while watching a movie, I decided to spend the night as I’ve done many times before, we were saying goodnight and “I love you,” just slipped from me, we were both shocked before Y/N smiled and said “I love you too,”

Taeil closed the book and looked straight at you and you could see that the redness was almost gone from his face. “That was just some of the important milestones in our relationship, I had a really hard time to pick which moments to tell because we have so many. There's also a memory I want to tell, but I didn’t write down. It was one of the few days with you I want to forget.”

Taeil took a deep breath, “The day we told your father about us, he was furious and he refused to teach me for months after that. He didn’t forbid you to see me, but he really didn’t like it. I guess he had hoped I’d go away, and well I’m still here. I avoided being alone with him all these years, well knowing that he hates my guts.”

“Yesterday I called your dad on Skype and asked him a question, and after a bit of convincing he agreed, and that made it possible for me to write down another milestone.” Taeil looked flustered and nervous, he looked shortly over his shoulder to the other members. He then took a deep breath, “September 16th, 2017, today I asked Y/N to be mine forever.” He said and to your big surprise he reached in his back pocket and pulled something out before going down on one knee in front of you.

“Y/N, will you marry me?” He asked you.

Ahhh, the first time I write about nct! I’m still getting to know the nct members so I don’t know if I really captured Taeil’s personality that well. I thought about doing this story to one of the bts members but I thought I’d try and write a Taeil version of it so... I tried.

-Admin Satansoo

[spongeekat]

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) Chapter 5

read on ao3

Masterlist Here

Day 5 - Thursday

From the moment Peter opened his eyes something felt quite off.

The day had started rather normally; his vintage alarm clock blared obnoxiously on his nightstand, the sound muted by a blanket of dust that had accumulated on the speaker. His curtains were drawn, giving the room a bluish tint as they did a terrible job at filtering the sun out, and he had eventually rolled out of bed once he couldn’t stand the way the volume of New York traffic attacked his eardrums any longer.

 From there he’d gone to get dressed, realized he had nothing clean, and threw his pile of dirty clothes in the washer, then proceeded to clear out piles of take-out containers and dishes from the sink to make the apartment look somewhat tidy for when Aunt May returned. Wade had texted him the night before, promising to pick him up around 10 AM. Peter felt uneasy about accepting the invitation, but he’d eventually come around to the idea once Ellie started leaving voicemails on his phone demanding he come. He couldn’t exactly deny her, especially when the child was threatening to blackmail him. It may have been intended as a joke, but he wouldn’t put it past any offspring of Deadpool to do.

Despite his attempt at being productive, he had been unable to shake the heavy ball of dread parked in his stomach. There were a number of issues that could be the source, from the issue of Aunt May coming home to a messy apartment, to his secret that he was withholding from Wade, to the anticipation of their local news channels ripping him apart for what had occured in the city, yet it didn’t seem like any of that was causing the anxiety he had woken up with. It felt more like an instinct warning him that he should just go back to bed for the day. But he decided he couldn’t blow Wade off again , so he pushed the fear down and shoved his suit and web shooters into the backpack that he slung over his shoulders.

He hoped he wouldn’t need them, but they were just in case something actually did go wrong.

There was a noisy, insistent banging on the front door by the time Peter’s clothes were dry and he was shoving a sweater over his head. He might have ignored the unnecessarily loud volume, but it was followed up with the unmistakably shrill voice of a young girl calling out to him.

“Peter!” Ellie screamed on the other side, tiny fists repeatedly rapping on his door in a manner that made his heart leap into his throat. “ HELP !”

Peter had torn himself out of the laundry room, skirted the couch, and sprung over the back less than a second later. When he ripped open the door Ellie was in the midst of banging again on the wood, her eyes echoing her surprise as they widened and she slowly looked up at Peter.

“What’s wrong?” Peter crouched and ushered her towards the living room. “Are you okay?”

Ellie didn’t budge, stammering out an apology. Behind her, Wade was cracking up in laughter.

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have screamed, I-” She stammered out a  guilty apology, and Peter soon realized it was just a prank to make him run for the door.

Wade really was a jerk sometimes.

“Oh. Did he put you up to this?” Peter asked, lowering his eyes into a heavy frown at Wade. This didn’t deter the mercenary from his giggle-fit, who apparently thought making Peter have a heart-attack was the funniest joke in the world.

Ellie took a breath and dejectedly nodded, hanging her arms and bowing her head. “Daddy said it would be funny.”

“I didn’t know you could move so fast, Petey!” Wade grinned. Ellie peeled out under Wade’s arms and took off down the hallway, running off to God-knows-where. “I heard you Usain Bolt’ing it from out here! Have you ever thought of becoming a runner?”

“Hilarious, Deadpool.” Peter drug himself to his feet, though he was admittedly still on edge. He attributed the anxiety he’d woken up with to Wade’s stunt, but the feeling of anticipation still refused to dissipate.  “I dropped my bag inside when I felt my soul leave my body. Let me grab that, then I’m ready to go.”

“Sounds like a plan, Petey! Be quick. We’re on a time crunch.” Wade briefly turned his head down the hallway, where Ellie had presumably gone. “El-Belle, you can’t pull on the fire alarm when people are walking by! Wait until they’re not looking. They jump higher when they don’t expect it.”

Peter took that as his cue to be quick before he received a lengthy scolding from their landlord, and he shouldered his backpack once more before he joined Wade in the hall. Ellie scrambled down from the window sill she had been perched on, and shoved her fingers repeatedly onto the ‘down’ button on the elevator as they waited for it to arrive.

“Where are we going?” Peter finally mustered the courage to ask, as he scuffed the toe of his shoe on the floor. Hanging around them still made him a bit jumpy, but from what he could tell Ellie hadn’t disclosed his secret to Wade yet. He wasn’t sure how long the child could withhold his identity, however.

“The park.” Wade declared as the elevator doors slipped open with a soft ‘ding.’ The trio stepped in, and Ellie took on the task of pressing the button for the ground level floor. “Fresh air, plenty of pollen to aggravate the allergies and…” Wade quietly leaned in, and his pinky finger tickled Peter’s ear as he shielded his mouth. “Ellie has a crush on a boy from her school. His tyke football team practices there on Thursday afternoons so I wanted to take her to watch.”

“Secrets don’t make friends!” Ellie declared loudly from the floor, stomping her foot. A light dusting of pink covered her cheeks, as she must have guessed what Wade was discussing out of earshot. “What did he tell you?”

Wade withdrew his lips as they spread into a crooked grin, and Peter simply shrugged in response. “Nothing important.”

“Peteeeeeeer.” Ellie groaned in disappointment and crossed her arms. “I don’t wanna hear a peep outta both of you.”

“Yes ma’am.” Wade saluted, and Peter held up his hands in surrender. She had leverage over him, after all, and she knew it.

----

The park Wade chose ended up being rather populated, so he, unsurprisingly, shoved his mask over his face when the taxi dropped them off and tugged his hoodie back over his head. Neither Ellie or Peter commented on this, which seemed to help him relax as they climbed out. Ellie took an immediate interest in a golden retriever trotting around in the grass, leaving Peter and Wade to meander awkwardly down the sidewalk behind her.

“So, Petey, how ‘bout that fresh air.” Wade finally punched through the silence, taking in a dramatic sniff to accentuate his point. “Totally clears your mind, right?”

“Sure, except all I can smell is your mask.” Peter cringed, stepping a foot away from him. “Seriously, dude, do you ever wash that thing?”

“On the weekends…. In December. If I have company over. Otherwise I just let my body oils cleanse it. Au naturale. ”

“Gross.”

“I never said I had good hygiene.”

Peter shook his head but a relaxed smile had taken over his lips. He really had been quite nervous about spending the day with the two of them, but despite the stares Wade earned because of his disguise, everything felt pretty...normal. The conversation between them during the taxi ride came easy, and was primarily dominated by Ellie chattering about school, her parents, and any other random facts that popped to mind. Even now that she was running off on her own, Peter didn’t feel half as awkward walking alone with Wade as he had expected to.

“Your aunt’s coming back today, right?” Wade asked, and stretched his arms above his head. His muscles pulsed under the hoodie, and Peter forced his eyes to focus on the cracks in the side-walk passing by every so often. “Does that mean you don’t need me anymore?”

“What? No.” Peter immediately answered. The way that Wade peeked over at him had his face flushing, and he tilted his head to hide his cheeks behind his hair just a bit more. “I-I mean, I obviously… still wanna be friends with you. Everything’s been weird. Really weird. But spending these past couple days with you…” He bit his lip. “I’ve really appreciated having you as a friend, Deadpool. Not a babysitter. Not a guardian angel. A friend.”

Wade released an audible breath, and Peter was surprised he could hear it over his heart hammering in his ears. The mercenary took a bit to respond, but when he had, his voice was much lower than the playful tone he usually donned. “I like having you as a friend, too, Petey. Ellie also thinks you’re super awesome. She talked about you all night.” He paused. “None of my other friends have met her. I know I didn’t introduce you, but she’s the love of my life. I’m glad you know her.”

The child in question looked back at them and pointed her finger at the fence. Just behind it was the football team they had come to see. Wade waved her off, and she sprinted at the fence at full speed to shout a greeting at the boy with long black hair.

“She’s a really cute kid.” Peter smiled.

“Listen.” Wade finally halted their progress once they’d nearly made a full loop around the park, cars passing by them and traffic nearly drowning him out. He stood his ground silently until Peter relented and faced him, crossing his arms over his chest. “I know what you’re feeling. I know how heavy everything is, but I promise this isn’t the end of your journey. You have so much more fucked up shit to live through, but you’re gonna love it in the end. You’ll be proud of it. Some of your mistakes can lead you to the best parts of your life.” He turned his head, ever so slightly, to glance over at Ellie clinging to the fence of the football field, still chattering with her male friend on the other side. “I’ve done a lot of messy things, and had a lot of messy things done to me. I’ve been on the ledge and taken that fall. More times than I could tell you, baby boy. But I’ll tell you one thing- you’ll find something worth surviving for. I want to help you find something to survive for.”

Peter sucked in a breath through his teeth. If there was ever a time to tell him, he knew it was now. He couldn’t let Wade pour his heart out and not return the favor. But he couldn’t quite form the words. “D-Deadpool, I actually…needed to tell you something.” He mumbled, drawing his eyes towards the sidewalk.

“I did, too.” Wade interrupted, on a roll, and apparently not willing to let that end. “Pete… these past few days have been crazy good. I know for you it might have felt like you were being stalked by a psycho in a suit, but for me… It was unbelievably fun. I feel like I’ve known you for years, not just a week. You didn’t freak out on me that night on the roof. You’ve never once questioned my suit, commented on my freak skin, asked me about my Avengers life... I know this might make me sound more batshit, pumpkin, I-”

A shock ran up Peter’s spin so violent his body jerked immediately in response to look behind him. The next few seconds happened in a blur.

A puppy ran into the street, leash free-flying and paws tripping over themselves as it chased its freedom. Behind it was a little girl in a red hat, arms outstretched, rain boots pounding against the asphalt. And just feet from her was a car barreling towards them down the one way going 15 over the speed limit.

Peter didn’t even think before he shot forward. The rain-heavy air left dew on his cheeks and his breath puffed thickly in his lungs. He tore his hood down over his face, and dropped his backpack against the grass to give himself full use of his arms, allowing him to leap, grab hold of a tree branch, and swing over  group of onlookers just now turning to gape at the girl heading towards her death. The tips of his sneakers caught against the ground and sent his body springing forwards, past the girl between her and the oncoming vehicle. The horn blared, Peter threw his arms out, and to his right a man screamed in horror.

Peter’s shoulders locked hard into place, ball clinking into socket, when the front of the car slammed into his palms. Yet he wasn’t the one to flip,as the car lurched up vertically and the woman driving opened her lips to shriek. He held his ground, moved only a foot by the time the car slammed back into the street and the windows shattered from the force. He only made eye contact with the woman a second longer, before her airbags deployed and she was lost behind them.

He withdrew his arms and checked over his shoulder that the girl was alright, her lips drawn open in utter shock. Behind her people were gathering, staring, and pointing. Among them was Wade, frozen in place, who looked as if he’d just seen a ghost.

But then Peter realized what truly had them frozen, and his fingertips shakily rose to touch his bare cheeks. A scrawny boy had just stopped a car with his bare hands, and his Spider-Man mask was nowhere to be found.

Peter was stupid. He’d made a lot of mistakes in his life, but never this big. Never this public. Never in front of Wade.

His instincts told him to flee. So he did.

His legs tucked under him and he took off down the one-way, towards the onslaught of cars heading in their direction. He lept over one, rolled over the hood of another, and made it across the busy road before anyone could properly react. The familiar feeling of panic had settled in his chest from the night before, and he finally was able to recognize why he had woken up with the lump of dread clutching his heart. His chance at revealing his identity had been ripped away from him not only in front of Wade, but dozens of others who had witnessed him grab the hood of the speeding vehicle. After years of hiding his identity from the police and the Avengers, he was sure he was about to be outed to the world.

The park wasn’t far off from his own neighborhood, but he knew he couldn’t go home in case anyone came looking for him. He couldn’t explain the anxiety attack to Aunt May, or see her face when the first news she saw when she came home was her nephew plastered on New York’s Most Wanted. He slowed his sprint to a brisk walk when he reached the more lively parts of Queens. He veered off his road and made his way towards the arrangement of houses in the more high-end area he definitely didn’t blend in with. Eventually he made his way into a cul-de-sac and hopped the fence of a white home. Peter didn’t bother with the front door, throwing himself halfway up the side-wall of house in one fluid jump, sticking to the brick. He climbed briskly up the  incline, and when he reached the second story bedroom with the pink curtains he tapped lightly on the glass. He didn’t wait for a reply before peeling open the window and tumbling inside.

Mary Jane leapt off her computer chair with a surprised yelp when Peter’s body stopped its rolling and he ended up with his hands and knees digging into the carpet.

“P-Peter?!” She gasped, a hand on her chest to calm the fear. The redhead pushed her bedroom door shut and flipped the lock, turning back to stare at the man who refused to return the look. “What’s going on? Are you crying?”

Peter shook his head pathetically and stifled a wounded noise, dropping himself back onto his heels as he fisted the front of his hoodie. “I m-messed up big time, MJ.” He shuddered, his breathing feeling scorching hot through spasming lungs. “I ran into the street, the girl sh was gonna be hit. Everyone was watching. Wade was watching. There’s no way they didn’t see my face. My mask was in my bag-” Shit. He was going to be sick.“Fuck, I-I left my backpack at the park!”

“Okay, okay, Pete, just breathe.” Mary Jane was doing her best to comfort him through her own confusion, but she was just as startled as Peter. “I’ll call Harry, okay? He can go try to find your backpack. Things will be fine. You’ll be fine.”

“Everything is ruined. Everyone’s gonna know. I shouldn’t have stopped the car. I should have just helped her. I’m gonna be sick.”

He didn’t notice the pressure of her hand on his back leave until the rim of a trash can appeared in front of his face, and his stomach lurched in the next instant. The adrenaline forced every last piece of food he’d eaten that morning out of his throat, until he was left dry heaving over the can. His throat burned and his head was pounding, but his panic seemed to quell after that, leaving him with drying tears on his cheeks but a clearer mind. Now that he could properly think he dropped himself back to sit against her bed, clutching his temples with shaky fingers. MJ placed the trash can next to her bedroom door and took the spot next to him, pulling his head until it rested against the bones of her shoulder.

After she had called Harry and he promised to go search for the bag, they basked in the silence of her secluded neighborhood, only broken occasionally by Peter’s sniffling or either of the pair shifting to get in a more comfortable position. Her thumb found his shoulder and rubbed firm circles along it, coaxing him to relax until the tears had stopped and he was able to sit up on his own.

“So..” Mary Jane finally spoke, chewing on her lower lip. “The guy you’ve been talking to… it was Wade, wasn’t it? You guys went out today?”

Peter breathed calculatedly, before deciding on a proper response. “Yeah. It was.” He muttered, his tone defeated. “It’s a long story. This whole week has been kind of crazy.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Peter swallowed, his throat constricting. Still, after having to keep in all of the emotions he had been experiencing alone, he wouldn’t pass up the chance to get some of the pressure off his chest.

“I guess all the insanity started on Sunday. I was gonna finally tell Wade who I was, and things just kinda got out of hand…”

[queenmercurys]

If you’re still willing to do it or haven’t done it already for the in depth fandom questions: FFXV

Hi! I managed to reply earlier after all ;D I’m not entirely sure which meme this was, so I did the first one I could find, it’s one I’ve done before so hopefully it’s okay

Btw, I’m always willing for these fandom questions, so just as a note to everyone, it’s never too late to send them in :)

Top 5 favourite characters: Noctis, Lunafreya, Regis, Aranea, RavusOther characters you like: Prompto, Gentiana, Ignis.Least favourite character: I am so sorry to say this, because I sound like a jerk, but Iris. I usually adore all ff females (she and Lucrecia from DOC are the only exceptions), but I just can’t stand her crush on a guy who’s openly engaged to someone else. It’s just not that cool or adorable in my eyes. But that’s probably just me.Otps: Luna/Noctis all day, every dayNotps: Iris/Noctis, Noctis/Prompto (I have absolutely nothing against slash ships, Squall/Cloud is like my favorite ship right now, I just don’t particularly care for this one), Lunafreya/NyxFavourite friendship: Prompto/Noctis, Gentiana/LunafreyaFavourite family: Regis and Noctis, and also Ravus and Luna!Favourite episode: I’m gonna take this as favorite chapter! Chapter 14. I love older!Noctis. He’s amazing.Favourite season/book/movie: This I will take as favorite scene, maybe? The whole ending sequence from Ardyn dying as Noctis watches after their battle, to Noctis and Luna finally getting married.Favourite quote: "I’m home. I walked tall, and though it took me a while... I’m ready now.” - Noctis. Also: “I do not fear death. What I fear is doing nothing and losing everything.” - Lunafreya

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: A particular one that comes to mind is when Luna shows up to help Noctis in Insomnia in the Royal Edition version. Plus, seeing the Knights of the Round (I know they’re really the Kings of Lucis, but still)When it really disappointed you: The lack of Luna/Noctis, and Luna as a character. I realize that the game is primarily about a road trip between bros, but Final Fantasy has always been fantastic at writing driven, gentle, badass, interesting and fleshed out female characters. I wish they had given Luna more of a chance to be the epic person that she is. And I would have loved at least one proper scene between Luna and Noctis.Saddest moment: Luna dying, and most specifically the goodbye scene between Noct and Luna in the meadow. When Luna says “would that I could join you, but this moment will have to be enough,” I cry every time, without fail. Most well done character death: I believe that Noctis’ death was built up wonderfully, and it was so bittersweet. I truly hope that no alternative ending ever becomes the new canon. The main character’s death worked in Crisis Core, and it works here. It’s heartbreaking, but Noctis is the chosen king, and it was always his destiny. It’s unfair, but it’s his story arc. I don’t want it erased.Favourite guest star: I guess they both count, so Amy Shiels as Luna, and Sean Bean as Regis in Kingsglaive.Favourite cast member: Out of the main cast, Ray Chase, for sure. He is a fantastic voice actor, just superb. And in general, Sean Bean. Character you wish was still alive: Luna. She didn’t deserve what she got, and if there’s gonna be any erasing of anything in her episode, it better be her death. Though I think it’s unlikely.One thing you hope really happens: That they keep the ending as it is despite what Tabata and co have said about Luna’s upcoming episode. But if not that, then if there is a new happy ending, then that it includes both Luna and Noctis.Most shocking twist: I was pretty shocked to find out about Prompto’s origins when I first did.When did you start watching/reading: I believe it was early 2017? I was a tad reluctant at first, the idea of driving around in a car endlessly in a Final Fantasy game felt a bit foreign to me. But a friend of mine spoke highly of it, and I took a chance, and I’m happy I did.Trope you wish they would stop using: I don’t know what trope Iris qualifies as, but that.One thing this show/book/film does better than others: Shows that the main male protagonist can be both goofy and a bit of a dork while still being strong and masculine in his own right. It’s usually one or the other. Noctis is a total idiot, but he’s also an incredibly brave and genuine king.Funniest moments: I honestly love any moment when Noctis is incredibly awkward when trying to make small talk with others. I also like it, for some reason, when Noctis, Ignis and Prompto go with Aranea to that sunken tomb/temple/etc), and the floor collapses, and Noctis just shouts “Shit!” I don’t know why, but it gets me every time.Couple you would like to see: Just more Luna and Noctis, please and thank you.Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: They could bring Cloud in as a guest star and I could hear Steve Burton’s voice. That would be lovely.Most boring plotline: I keep being mean, but the whole date with Noctis and Iris made me cringe.Best flashback/flashfoward if any: I love any flashbacks with Luna and Noctis, honestly. Plus that moment of baby!Noctis being held by Regis.Most layered character: To me, it is and always will be Noctis. I think he is wonderfully written and easy to relate to. Bless his idiot heart.Scariest moment: I guess seeing Ravus’ corpse come to life?Grossest moment: I think the same applies here.Best looking male: Noctis, but just his older version.Best looking female: Lunafreya, both versions.Who you’re crushing on (if any): Cloud’s the only ff male I’m crushing on, but like I said, older Noctis does things to me.

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): The farewell scene in the meadow with Noctis and Luna. And the wedding scene.

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: I’m confused as to why Luna wouldn’t be worthy of wearing the ring, but Nyx would. Nothing wrong with Nyx, it just confuses me a little.At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: Basically from the moment the game started. Latest by the time they got to Altissia. 

Thank you so much, this was a lot of fun! :D

[someonewhoisunlikelytowritethis]

(Homestuck) Dave Strider x Reader: Ruby Eyes

Dave Strider... That boy had to be the most mysterious, weird and cool person I have ever seen. Even though we have never talked, I can’t help but catch myself staring at him and blushing, did I mention he was H-O-T?

Everything about him spoke cute, bad-ass, mysterious and rad as fuck! If I had to choose to be locked in a room with anyone, I would choose him. Now you are probably thinking “Wow he is probably one of those popular jackasses...” but get this, he has never gone out with anyone and he respects girls more than any guy I know. Plus, he didn’t babble and act like a selfish asshole... Yes, he can be an insufferable prick sometimes but I am glad there is always a reason for it.

One thing I always wanted to know is what are behind those shades of his, why did he even where glasses? I hope no one made fun of his eyes... That would make me upset, people are kind of a prick to him... Now that I think about it, I almost never see anyone around him or speak to him. 

“(F/N) (L/N) and Dave Strider.”

I was snapped out of my trance by the sudden call of my name, the teacher was picking partners... Crap, I wasn’t listening-

Wait... I am partners with the Dave Strider?! This is not going to end any better than rosy cheeks and constant staring and stutters. I sighed and accepted my fate, hopefully, the blonde haired boy was paying attention. 

I grabbed my bag and moved towards him with hesitation, he was busy doodling and scribbling on the back of his notebook to realize I had sat next to him. I saw him glance to the side a little before glancing back, then he jerked a bit and looked at me again before sitting up.

“Uhh... When did you get there?”

He asks and sits back against the chair flipping his notebook over and putting the pencil he had down, oh no was he not listening?

“Just now, sorry if I got you by surprise...”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, I am Dave... Who are you again?”

“(F/N), nice to meet you... Um, were you listening to what she was talking about?”

“Nope, I wasn’t listening to a single word. We will manage, though, with the little things she wrote on the board I think we can hold up til’ she explains things again.”

The way he said that made me giggle a little, he was so calm and straight forward when he talks... And when he spoke so bluntly it only made things funnier.

“O-Oh, alright... So... It’s a writing project?”

Oh gosh, he comes the stuttering next is the blushing and it all ends with embarrassment.

“Poem project to be exact, we have to write five things about our partner and form it into a poem... This is going to be some corny and sappy shit, I can already tell.”

I smile and laugh a little, caught off guard when the boy smirks and opens his notebook to a clean page.

“I guess you are right... I am kind of scared to see what some of the others will right... There is going to be at least one that is going to be inappropriate.”

“Exactly, those are the funniest... But at the same time, they make me cringe til’ it feels like my neck is going to break.”

I bust out laughing, understanding what he meant completely. The blonde chuckles and leans his head in his palm, his elbow against the desk.

“You’re cool... I am surprised...”

“Surprised?”

“Yeah, most of the girls I have ever made contact with right away just flirt and make fools of themselves... No dignity, we were born in the era of sluts and man-whores.”

I laugh again everything he said may be true but the way he says it is hilarious, just imagine a straight-faced boy with shades on speaking in the most monotone voice.

Throughout the whole class, as we wrote our “poems”, Dave would mutter the most hilarious things to me and make me laugh. 

“Did you just write something about my dick?”

He bluntly asks and points to my page, I blush and look up then back down.

“Where?!”

Dave makes a noise like “pfft” and rubs his eyes, making sure the glasses don’t fall off or reveal anything.

“You said ‘where’ as if you wrote something about my dick... Thirsty much?”

“Noooo, back off.”

“Nah, this is hilarious.”

I look down at my paper and sigh, just missing one more line but there was nothing else I could say. I wrote about how he looks, his personality, his sense of humor and even how he is irony thirsty... But I can’t think of anything else.

“Dave, I am stumped.”

He looks up from his paper and at me, I think?

“Hm?”

“I used up everything I know about you... I can’t think of anything else.”

“I am stumped, too... Both on my paper and ideas for yours.”

“Dave, why do you where those sunglasses all the time?”

He seems surprised by the sudden question but composes himself right away.

“They were a present and they make me feel more confident.”

“Would you ever... Consider taking them off?”

I ask curiously, he sighs and shrugs.

“I don’t know, maybe? Only to someone special, like I can trust them.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Well, yeah... You’re the only person who has ever really started a conversation with me and-”

“Then just show me your eyes... I am sure they are just as cool as you.”

“Is that what you think?”

“I know so.”

He sighs and looks around before moving closer, causing my cheeks to flush. He lifts his sunglasses only a bit to reveal the most beautiful ruby red eyes, my jaw drops and he quickly covers them.

“Why did you cover them? Those had to be the most beautiful and unique eyes I have ever seen... They were like rubies- That’s it, the last line of my paper!”

He smiles softly and looks down, writing one last line just as I did.

“Done.”

We said in unison, I sigh of relief right when the bell rings and we are dismissed. Dave and I grab our bags and belongings before handing our papers into the front desk and leaving.

“You have to be the coolest girl I’ve ever met, maybe even cooler than me.”

I blush and turn away, he chuckles.

“Your cheeks turned as red as my eyes.”

I only turn a brighter red and he smirks ruffling up my hair.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #248

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name.”

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? I don't think I'm either, honestly. I'm realistic. How many meals do you eat a day? Since getting a calorie & macro counting app, I try to aim for three, but sometimes I only manage two. I have to be conscious of how I'm spacing out what I eat. If you could have any talent in the world what would it be? Be realistic. Draw exactly what I see in my head. Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? Bitch you better brush your goddamn tongue. I didn't know until I saw this as a survey question a while back that there were people who didn't. How many times do you brush your teeth a day honestly? Once. What are you favorite type of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore, but aesthetically, dark, skinny, torn jeans. Do you pop your bones, crack your knuckles? NO it disgusts me omg. There's this girl who sits in front of me in Women Writers class who cracks her back ALL the time and I have to fight cringing so, so hard. Do you eat your nails? YO NO. I may peel my nails when they get long (to me, anyway) but who the fuck eats their nails. Do you eat the ice in your drink? If it's that good cronchy type, fuck yeah. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I used to just get the classic sandwich and fries, but I stopped going there forever ago due to their connection to anti-LGBTQ organizations. By now I can't even stomach the thought of eating something from there. Damn are their sandwiches good, but I'm not giving them business. If you had to go to Mcdonalds what do you order? "Had to" lmao. I have no problem with McDonald's, honestly; you couldn't make me go, because I'd be quite willing. I love their cheeseburgers and, of course, their fries. But because I'm a fatass I have to at least get a double cheeseburger. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Are you a student? If so, what classes will you take next? Yes. "Next," I don't know, considering I haven't chosen classes for next year. Currently I take Painting, Women Writers, Psychology, and Biology. Are you a good kisser? I don't know? How many real bf/gf have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Sure, save for the one with Tyler. That was pointless as shit. Would you ever get back with your ex? Sara, if certain conditions were right. Jason, I honestly don't know and hope I'm never put into the position to need to decide. Other exes, no. Do you like 80’s music? Rock and metal, absolutely. It was a great decade for the genres. Name a comedy that you like. Rush Hour 2 popped to mind first because we mentioned it in school yesterday. Do you like homework? ??????????? WHAT IS THIS QUESTION???????????????? NO??????????????? Something you want to buy real bad? Ugggghhhhh a lot. Being unemployed is a BLAST!!!!!!!!!! Something you would buy a friend as a gift? It depends on the person, of course. I try really hard to give very personal gifts, so what it would be would greatly vary. What is something that would be a good birthday gift for you? Donate Big Bucks to my tattoo fund and I'll give you smooches. Something you would gift yourself? Still tattoos lmfao. Favorite candle scent? Cinnamon rolls mmmmmmmmm. Do you watch beauty videos on YouTube? So here's the tea I genuinely love Jeffree Star and I'm digging NikkieTutorials lately LOOK idk I guess because I find makeup to be an art, I like watching that stuff. My YouTube interests have become seriously diverse lately. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Ha ha obviously. What is the best thing about life? Man, that's a loaded question. I suppose having people in it that make it worthwhile and a true privilege to simply be here. What do you think will happen when you die? YO, HONESTLY, I don't know, man. I've even questioned reincarnation lately. I 100% believe we are not hollow bodies meant to just decay after death, but creatures with spirits that live on in SOME form or way afterwards. I don't believe in the concept of a "Hell," but I don't really think I accept there being a true "Heaven," either? I think there's just... something. What, I don't know, but guess I'll figure it out at some point. Are you superstitious? No. What kind of surveys do you like the most? Random ones, especially the ones that make you think. Do you go to church? No. Do you like Christian music? No. I get frustrated from just bad memories/associations. Have you ever skateboarded and failed at it? Never really tried. What show/concert have you went to that you didn’t like much? N/A Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Lol I was the abstinent one years ago, so obviously I could, because I understand it. What do you think about weed? Medically, it's fantastic. Too much evidence of it being so to argue it anymore. For other use, I feel the same way about it as I do cigarettes: bad idea, but whatever. I personally don't care if it's made legal for recreational use or not, so long as it's treated similarly to alcohol, ex. illegal to drive while high. If you found a baby turtle on the side of the road, would you pick it up and keep it? With it being a baby, I'd probably take it to an animal rescue or something. Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? I stayed at Dad's for a handful of days. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? Yes. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My sister has my initial, anyway. Who did you last see shirtless? My mom. Do you like to make the first move? NONONONONO I'M SHY. Do you think you will ever be married? Probably. If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? I don't think she'd be mad, no. Do you understand football? Nope. Who last called you beautiful? Probably Mom. If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? We're both female so like- Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? No. Name five things you did today? Stayed at the hospital for my beautiful niece to be born :'), slept far too little after getting home, and that's... kinda it. What kind of phone do you have? It's literally a Tracfone, BUT WAIT! I actually wanted it, ha ha. Mom has one and it is *genuinely* a good phone, so I got one for my birthday. Hell, it's cheaper than paying monthly, so I'm fine with it. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? 5 in the morning when we were all still with Ashley. Do you like fire? Sure, I like watching it. Have you ever been to a spa? Noooo, not my jam. Do you know how to do a cartwheel? No. Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? Ehhhhh. When he drank, my dad was either hilarious when drunk or hateful and short-fused as fuck. 50/50 shot. But yeah, if you got Version 1, he'd crack anyone the hell up. Now that he's sober and happy he's always like that. What would you do if your partner still kept pictures of their ex? Well, I'd say it depends on the picture's context. Like, a picture of you two kissing, then I'd be uncomfortable as shit. If you have prom pictures or stuff like that but don't like go looking through them regularly, idc. It was a special event. What if your partner went through your cellphone? BYE, CUNT. What if your partner was flirting with another girl/boy? BYE, CUNT. Is there really a difference between Coke and Pepsi? YES. I can absolutely taste it. Pepsi sucks. Are there any mistakes with your recent ex you wish you could have changed? Stupid and/or impulsive shit I'd said, sure, but for the most part, no. We had a good relationship. Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? My mom always is if she's present. I am terrified of vomiting and even at my age still want her there, even though she can't do anything, obviously. I turn into a baby when I'm about to throw up. Background on your computer? My favorite picture of Teddy. Who has hurt you the most? Jason. Or hell, my own head, idk. Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? Sure. What language do you want to learn? I wanna be fluent in German. Who’s the last person that came to your house? A family friend. Is there anyone you would like to fight? God no. I'm not a fighter. Who did you dance with last? Sara. Who is your best friend(s)? Sara. Song playing? "It's A Raid" by Ozzy feat. Post Malone. The album's out T O D A Y , B O Y S. Who is your arch-enemy? I don't have one. What's the most attractive thing on the opposite sex? GODDAMN shoulderBLADES Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band? Not normal gold, I know. Rose gold is my ideal one, but I really don't care much. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed? I mean my mom has, seeing as I didn't have an income then, either. Got that done regularly in high school. Not because I asked, but because it was just "normal" since my two sisters did it, too. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people’s medical bills? No, it's not their choice to use the product. Sure, they're making it, but it's really too late to cease production of tobacco. It'd be catastrophic in terms of the job industry. Do you curse in average conversations? Yes; I have to actually make an effort to not curse if needed. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Not anymore after my previous one that I loved and trusted gave me every reason to break her jaw. I kind of want another one, but also don't. I'm supposed to, considering my history and that I'm on a lot of medication, but I just do nooooot want to go through the whole trust process again. Do you ever fall for spam mail? No. What color do you wear the most? Black. Do you only eat cough drops because you like the taste? No. Have your parents ever walked in on you having sex? No. Do you like getting stoned? I've never been so and aren't interested in ever getting there. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? YOIKES THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY lol no, I wouldn't touch coke with a ten-foot pole. Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? Pink. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She hasn't called me anything too awful that I know of. Have you ever done acid? No. Were you at a rave? Never been, definitely not my scene. Do you post pictures where you look good but your friends look bad? Well, I don't hang out with like... anyone, so, lmao. But I wouldn't. Are you friends with any of your exes? Yes. Would you ever dye your hair pink? ACTUALLY! Pastel pink is on my list. I tested some soft colors out in Photoshop on me and it actually looked really cute. I think I wanna be a smaller size first, though. Do you ever masturbate? I haven't since I came off that godawful birth control that drove me batshit insane in terms of libido. I still don't think it's a bad thing, my interest in that is just, gone. Are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack there of? No. Who’s the last person you said I love you to? My sister. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? Actually fuck middle school with a maul. If you went on American Idol, do you think you’d go through to Hollywood? Nope. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No, I don't think so. What kind of laugh do you have? A loud and obnoxious one. Do you hoard anything? "Hoard" isn't the right word, no. Are you afraid of flying? I am, but I feel it's only a realistic apprehension. Especially going back and forth to Sara's a few times, you kinda have to get used to it. Most recent Facebook ‘like’? Shit man idk, I "like" a load of stuff. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. Do you do anything regularly that could damage your body? Can someone please eliminate soda from the face of the earth???? What do you love most in the world? Those closest to me. What woke you up this morning? Ugh, the sun. I need to put my curtain back up after Roman tore it down. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? My mom. Is anything bothering you? There's always *something* bothering me to some degree, but nothing seriously at the moment. Are you in a good mood? My niece was born overnight and is gorgeous and healthy so I have to be. :') When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you own more than one cell phone? Ha ha, I have two old ones. One I used for pictures because the camera was good, and the most recent old one, I just need to get some pictures and contacts from... but I'm lazy. Have you ever had a song written about you? No. What songs make you happy? Depends on what I'm feeling. Next concert? No clue now that Ozzy had to cancel his, bless his old heart. As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? Yes. When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any? I’m single. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No, thankfully. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? Not since I went fishing with my old best friend a few years back. We were just in a pond. Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? Probably not. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal? Hell yeah. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is *maybe* my favorite? Idk, I like a lot. Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other/crush to talk to? This doesn't apply to me, but even if I had one, they're not my damn child. I'm not gonna police whom they talk to. I mean I guess there are exceptions, like, talking to a drug dealer to name one, but talking to most people, that's their business. Just don't hide it from me. Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out? No. What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment? Maroon. Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? No. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Well, calling back to that other question, there was one in a previous relationship that I really couldn't stand, but it wound up working out. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? It's just me and Ma now. Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? WHAT A CALLBACK!!!!! Omg did I love BB. Went like every weekend to rent a game, and sometimes we'd go there Fridays before a sleepover to grab a movie. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion? Sure, sometimes.

[vileart]

The 30 Year Old Dramaturgy: Kevin James Doyle @ Edfringe 2017

(No) Sex and the City – New York Revelations  

New York comedian Kevin James Doyle is coming to the 70th Edinburgh Fringe Festival with a show all about sex – or the complete lack of it.

Raised as a clean-living young Christian he knew that sex had to be saved for marriage. But then, God forbid, he hit 30, his engagement broke up and he was still a virgin.

 Laughing Horse at Southside Social (Venue 264)

 August 3-14 and 16-27

Time: 23:15

Guidance: 18+

Tickets: Free non ticketed

What was the inspiration for this performance?

The inspiration for this particular show was anxiety. The anxiety of doing 8 minute sets of comedy sets when I had 60 minutes of stories that were closer to me and more what I have wanted to talk about than a two minute joke. Having been a performer for 16 years or so now, it's rare to feel like you have to get something out artistically.

 Usually I go from project to project hoping something bigger or comes along, but I have never felt that intense urge to work on material like I have this show. Maybe it is getting older and more serious about my career and my "art" but I just got so anxious about the thought of not doing the show that is in my head that I had to do it to calm that anxiety.  

It is called The 30 Year Old Virgin and it is very personal, about growing up in a conservative home, getting engaged young, breaking off my engagement, being a virgin as an adult and how I ended up there. So it makes sense that I had to get this stuff out because its about my formative years in my home growing up, the biggest heartbreak I have ever experienced and feeling weird about my life choices as an adult as life didn't play out like I expected. 

If you hold that stuff in its going to be very

difficult, if you talk about it it has the potential to be more compelling than any new joke about food or how annoying people can be at concerts or how public transportation sucks.

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas? 

Yes. The shared experience of live performance has the potential to bring people together like nothing else. The internet and social media are deceptive because they give us the opportunity to interact with anyone about anything which has been revolutionary but proven to have the drawbacks of shallowness or bring out our lack of empathy. The is no better conversation than over a beer or a coffee after a play, a film, a concert or a comedy show. 

I read TV recaps and I comment on people social media and use my own but seeing a performance, then having a beer after and talking about it with a friend, or stranger for that matter is much more fulfilling and memorable and beneficial. It doesn't make the other bad its just different. Filet mignon is better than McDonalds. 

Cognac from 1875 is better than Jameson. A bespoke suit is better than Men's Warehouse. A swiss watch is better than a timex. Belgian chocolate is better than Sour Patch Kids. 

And if anyone disagrees with these comparisons I would prefer to discuss it in person over a beer after a performance than online.

How did you become interested in making performance?

I was always enjoyed making my family and friends laugh. My parents suffered through years of me on the basketball team sitting the bench. In 8th grade my mom suggested I audition for the school play, You're A Good Man Charlie Brown, I did and was cast as Charlie Brown. I found an outlet for getting attention and making people laugh that was not disruptive and annoying. 

After that I kept pushing towards more forms of creativity, going to school for theater, performing stand up in New York, writing sketches, writing short films, storytelling and hosting events. Anything I could find to get the energy out of me that desires to have people pay attention to me and when is not curbed I become very obnoxious. When I am performing I am slightly less obnoxious.

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

The only one that is true across the board for any show is "doing it" rather than talking about "doing it." If you want to write a script for a show you have to write it, not talk about writing it. Or in the case of the show I am working on now, I had to book a show and get on stage and talk for 60 minutes in front of people. 

I spent a lot of time writing in a notebook and at a certain point I found that I was avoiding getting on stage to perform the show because their was safety in the notebook. I think the approach for any show though is make it, then refine it, then refine it more, then refine it more and then at a certain point it will be as ready as its going to get. 

For this show I spent 5 years gather and developing stories through years of stand up, a few months collecting all that stuff in a notebook, 2 hours putting it all in order on a one page document, then performed it for the first time. Now I will refine it all by performing over and over again until its "done."

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

This is very different from anything I personally have ever done. My first few years in New York I acted in plays and musicals. Then I wrote an off broadway sketch show, then I did stand up which is mostly 10 minute sets. 

This differs because it is my show, it's 60 minutes and all the the stories are in an arch of beginning, middle and end. I have lots of material that does not fit into this show cause it doesn't serve the story, so I care much more about the arch of the story and making that as funny as it can be, than having my funniest joke ever in there if it doesn't serve the story.

What do you hope that the audience will experience?

I hope the audience will laugh, cringe and remember the times they felt the same way. One thing I am very excited about in this performance is that it deals with growing up, heartbreak, pain, anxiety and things that everyone knows and has experienced. 

The specifics of the story are mine but the themes its covers are universal. I have seen a lot of comedy that is the performer vs. the audience and I love the comedians that can make that entertaining and compelling. I never felt comfortable doing that and I would much rather connect with the audience through bringing them into my life and experiences. 

I have tried to do it in certain shows before, reading from my childhood journals, telling short stories about growing up but never on this large of a scale, this vulnerable and this long of a story. 

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience?

I have put together a number of shows at people homes. It felt right to do this show in a living room with 25 people drinking wine, rather than at a bar. 

I am doing both of those, but even the shows I have done at bars I have set the room up to have the audience closer and the lights up a little more, so that its not the performer isolated in the lights and the audience watching. 

The first time I performed the show which was very very scary for me was in a friends living room with people on the floor and on couches, I could look them in the eyes, no spotlight. For some reason this felt much less scary than being in the dark. 

I think instinctively I knew that people need to know that I see them and I am sharing something with them, not talking at them. I think it has also forced me to not hide, kind of like facing the fear rather than getting through it by not seeing it for what it is. 

Doyle’s The 30 Year Old Virgin world premieres as part of the Free Fringe and is a funny, vibrant, honest and vulnerable set of revelations about his upbringing and the subsequent rollercoaster ride of horniness and climactic hilarity.

“There I was, aged 30 and had never had sex – so what was I going to do? There was nothing for it but to dive right in to a whole new world where I was a total innocent, fumbling in search of experience,” says Doyle, “But can you imagine what it’s like to date a girl at that age and reveal that you’ve never had sex?”

Doyle is known for his delightfully entertaining storytelling, full of painfully funny home truths and personal revelations. There was, for example, the moment when as a hormone-fuelled teenager heading off for school his mother confronted him with a lotion bottle from the bathroom shouting “Kevin, this stuff’s expensive, stop it!”

An Edinburgh Fringe first timer he has an extensive track record in the USA. Doyle’s successful long running Off-Broadway comedy, How to Be a New Yorker had over 400 performances in Times Square.

He also hosts Great Times, the popular New York stand up show which is a testing ground for new material from comedians like Jim Gaffigan, Mike Birbiglia, Ilana Glazer – writers from Saturday Night Live, TheLate Show with Stephen Colbert and The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

Doyle brings many years of comedy experience and bucket loads of finely honed material with him across the Atlantic. He’s also dogged by lingering parental disappointment that such a promising young man should have ended up as a comedian.

“As it’s a premier I’ve got no reviews to share with people so I told my parents about the show to see what they thought,” says Doyle, “My mum’s response was ‘Are you sure you want to talk about this stuff on stage?’ and Dad weighed in with ‘You don't have to swear to be funny, I hope your show is clean comedy’. Encouragement means everything.”

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