#I am aware of it but it's hard to turn those thoughts processes off

[tleeaves]

The art is lovely and now I'm gonna ramble because that's what I do when I care about something.

For the love of women, please PLEASE can fan artists remember to add muscle to their Shadowhunter ladies? I'll commend Bowater for cleverly giving James that sculpted and lean look without making him a beefcake (nothing against beefcakes, I'd love to hug them), but Cordelia is once again suffering from Arms And Shoulders Too Slender It's Hard To Even Imagine Her Picking Up A Sword. There is some there, yes, but artists shouldn't be afraid of giving particularly Female Main Characters weight and toned muscle. Cordelia is supposed to be nearly the same height as James as far as I can remember, and she's curvy, and full, and she wields a sword like it's second nature to her. Please explain why she looks so tiny in James' lap.

Also I'm pretty sure marriage runes are supposed to go over the heart whenever possible (thinking about Will's parabatai rune being over his heart instead -- he didn't get Tessa to draw over the scar, did he??) and... either I'm looking at the picture wrong or James' rune is not over where his heart should be.

For the matter, where are their other runes and scars?? James' Voyance rune isn't even on his hand. And I'm pretty sure he's right handed. I could have that wrong though.

Another thing: no one can ever decide what Cordelia's hair looks like and it's the funniest thing to me. This is what happens when all you do is vaguely say the colour is like fire but also like rose petals but also a flowing river of those things but also is Red (probably for redhead, but then from there I never understand where the rose petal analogy comes from considering the typical rose is a deep bloody colour -- I do acknowledge the existence of those light orange varieties though which might more closely resemble red hair). In the end, I'm glad readers can infer what they want and imagine the characters how they like.

Anyone else think James looks like he's built like a tennis player? Oddly specific, maybe, but it was a thought I had. Mostly the arms and somewhat narrow body.

James' hair is nice, his eyes are an interesting take on gold in the shadows. Bowater managed to also make him look closely related to his father, so bravo for that.

In the end, the focus is obviously on the marriage runes and not other physical aspects outside of it being clear that this is James and Cordelia. Bowater's style is very beautiful and elegant. Love the way fabric and lighting is done too. I'll add also that it is possible to be a smaller person who is slender but still strong so I mean Cordelia's not necessarily done wrong, I just interpret her appearance differently. Obviously, they're both hot and they're both attractive and I have my qualms with the series, chronicles, and author -- the fandom I am so-so on, though I'm still here, aren't I? And I'm taking the time to ramble about my thoughts on a piece of fanart -- but this is good. Gorgeous, even. Both James and Cordelia are beautiful.

[daisymbin]

hi! could you do fluff prompt #37 with hoshi but its yn who brings hoshi flowers AAAAAAAAAA maybe because yn knows how hard this cb has been for hoshi so they surprise him with flowers after practice ><

WHY IS THIS CUTE!!!!! thank you for requesting lovely 🤍

request your own: full prompt list!

check out my masterlist! // soonyoung's m.list

fluff prompt #37: "you brought me flowers? just because?"

soonyoung was getting frustrated. he had been trying to nail down the choreography for the last hour, but it wasn’t clicking. his movements were stiff, and the steps felt off. it wasn’t even about the difficulty of the routine—he was just getting too worked up over the smallest things. his temper was hot, his mind too cluttered to focus.

mingyu and seungkwan were there too, leaning against the wall and watching him with amused looks. neither of them said anything, knowing well that interrupting soonyoung when he was in this mood was a terrible idea.

just as soonyoung was about to shout in frustration, the door to the practice room opened. he watches as you stepped in, carrying a small bouquet of bright flowers, and the atmosphere immediately shifted.

soonyoung stopped mid-movement, his eyes snapping to the flowers in your hands. his irritation faded for a split second, replaced by a flash of confusion. who’s giving her flowers? he thought, his chest tightening. is it her crush?

he stared at you for a moment, his gaze slightly narrowing. “who gave those to you?” he asked, his tone a little more annoyed than usual, though he tried to mask it.

you blinked, taken aback by the question. “uh... no one,” you said softly, holding the bouquet out toward him. “i got them for you.”

for a moment, soonyoung didn’t know how to process that. “for me?” his voice was barely above a whisper as he looked at the flowers, then back to you. “why?”

his ears began to burn a little, the tips turning a shade of red that was impossible to hide. he wasn’t used to this, to being the center of your attention like this. he could feel his heart racing slightly as he tried to make sense of it. why would you get me flowers?

“just because,” you replied with a shrug, offering him a soft smile.

soonyoung stared at the flowers again, the blush creeping further across his cheeks. “you... got me flowers? just because?” his voice dropped, quieter now, a little more vulnerable. he could feel his own heart hammering in his chest.

before you could respond, mingyu, ever the troublemaker, jumped in with a grin plastered on his face. “you got soonyoung hyung flowers? what about me? what about us? we want flowers too!"

"they're just flowers, friends can give each other flowers! calm down." you answered, trying to calm your hammering heart.

seungkwan chimed in, barely able to contain his laughter. “just flowers? just because? this is a whole new level of romance,”

soonyoung’s eyes widened, and his ears turned even redder as he shot both of them a glare. “shut up,” he mumbled, his words barely audible. he was trying to keep his composure, but it was hard with mingyu and seungkwan giving him no mercy.

you, on the other hand, felt your stomach twist with nerves. you had no idea what was going on, but it sounded like they were making fun of you. was it that obvious? you thought, trying not to fidget with your hands. maybe bringing him flowers wasn’t such a good idea after all.

soonyoung, still flustered and now very much aware of how loud mingyu and seungkwan were being, took a deep breath and finally looked back at you. “thanks... really. i, uh... i appreciate it.”

you gave him a small smile, but you could feel the tension between you two. “no problem,” you said, shifting awkwardly. “well, i’ve got some errands to run. i should go.”

as you turned to leave, soonyoung’s eyes followed you, his mind racing. what am i doing? he thought. just tell her you like her already, you idiot.

mingyu and seungkwan shared a knowing look, and as soon as the door clicked shut behind you, they wasted no time.

“you’re such an idiot,” mingyu said, his voice dripping with teasing. “how much more obvious can it be? flowers? just because? come on.”

seungkwan snorted. “seriously, how can you not see it? she brought you flowers, you’ve gotta make a move, or she’s gonna think you’re either completely stupid & clueless or you just don't have feelings for her.”

soonyoung’s face was burning now, his fists clenching at his sides. “i know, okay? it’s not that simple.”

mingyu rolled his eyes. “it’s not that complicated, you just need to get your act together. you’re lucky she even likes you.”

soonyoung didn’t say anything more. he was too embarrassed to admit just how nervous he was about the whole thing. he didnt want to admit that something as simple as flowers got to him, but something in him clicked, and without another word, he turned and rushed for the door.

he dashed down the stairs, his mind made up in an instant.

you were just outside the building, walking down the street with your head slightly lowered. soonyoung caught sight of you and nearly tripped in his haste to catch up. “hey!” he called out, his voice breathless. “wait up!”

you stopped and turned to face him, eyes wide. “soonyoung? did i leave something behind?”

he ran a hand through his hair, trying to compose himself. "no, uh," he took a deep breath, then blurted out the question he had been dying to ask. “do you have time tonight? for dinner? and maybe a movie?” his eyes shifted to yours, trying to read your expression.

you blinked, caught off guard by the suddenness of his words. “dinner and movie? like... outside?"

he nodded quickly, his nervousness creeping back in. “yeah, like... outside.”

your eyes flicked between him and the ground, trying to process what was happening. “like... a date?”

soonyoung’s heart skipped a beat, and he nodded again, more confident now as a smile creeps onto his face, “yeah. like, a date.”

[broidobe]

𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔰

requested! this was soooooo fun to write. i honestly couldn't have asked for a better request lol. "i’m gonna request a brat taming fic with slash OH GOD i imagine him playing along with reader and her playful brattiness, but when it starts to get serious he gets stern and AWHHHHH SMUT SPANKING FERAL, i’d imagined current slash but feel free to change anything". LIKE UGHHHH THAT WAS GREAT TO READ

⁎⁺˳✧༚guns and roses masterlist

it started out as a game—one you always enjoyed playing, and one he always let you get away with. slash, with his laid-back charm and quiet intensity, had a way of humoring your bratty tendencies. he'd smirk under that iconic hat of his, one brow barely lifted, playing along as if he were the most patient man in the world.

today, though, you were really pushing it.

it started when you swiped his guitar pick right from the amp, holding it behind your back like a mischievous child. “hey,” he drawled, standing a few feet away with his arms folded, the hint of a smirk at his lips. “you’re gonna give me that back.”

“what if i don’t?” you bit your lip, stepping just out of reach.

he tilted his head, curls spilling around his face as he regarded you. “you’re playin’ with fire, sweetheart.”

“am i?” you taunted, holding up the pick with a cheeky grin before shoving it into the back pocket of your jeans.

for a moment, he said nothing, just watching you with those dark, brooding eyes. then he shifted, pushing off the amp where he’d been leaning. the air in the room changed—thick, electric, and heavy with unspoken tension. you swallowed hard, suddenly aware of how serious he looked.

he stalked toward you slowly, his boots thudding against the floor. “you think i won’t do somethin’ about that?” his voice was lower now, the playful edge stripped away and replaced with something far more commanding.

“i’m just playing,” you murmured, feigning innocence as you backed up until your legs hit the edge of the couch.

“oh, i know what you’re doin’, baby.” he stopped right in front of you, towering, his presence consuming every inch of your space. one hand reached up to tilt your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. “but you’re about to find out what happens when you push me too far.”

your breath hitched, a shiver running down your spine at the way his voice dripped with authority.

“turn around,” he said softly.

“w-what?”

“i said, turn around.”

you stared up at him, your defiance cracking under his stern gaze. slowly, you turned, heart racing as you felt his hands settle firmly on your hips. his grip was strong, possessive, pulling you back until you were flush against him.

“you like testing me, don’t you?” he muttered, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear. you nodded silently, though you could feel your pulse pounding in your throat.

“say it.”

“i like testing you,” you whispered.

“that’s what i thought,” he growled, giving your hip a squeeze before his palm landed hard against the curve of your ass. the sudden sting made you gasp, and you jerked forward, but his hold on you didn’t falter.

“that’s one.”

“slash…” you whimpered, but the way your thighs squeezed together betrayed you.

“you wanted to play this game, sweetheart,” he rasped, delivering another sharp slap. smack. “i think it’s time i remind you who’s in charge.”

your skin burned under his touch, but every sharp sensation sent heat pooling between your legs. he settled into a rhythm—a few more spanks, each one punctuated by his low, gravelly praise or reprimands. “you’re such a brat… but look at you now. so obedient.”

by the time he was done, you were trembling, his hands now soothing the sting with slow, deliberate caresses. “you okay?” he murmured, his voice softer now.

you turned to look at him over your shoulder, eyes glassy but full of want. “y-yeah.”

his lips quirked into that signature smirk. “good. because i’m not done with you yet.”

before you could process his words, slash guided you forward, pushing you to lean over the arm of the couch. the rough fabric bit into your palms as you braced yourself, your breath quick and shallow. his hands skimmed down your back, pausing at the curve of your waist before trailing lower.

“you’re already so wet for me,” he murmured, slipping his fingers between your legs to confirm it. you gasped at the contact, your body arching instinctively.

“slash… please,” you whimpered, pressing your hips back toward his touch.

he chuckled darkly, dragging his fingers through your slick folds but never quite giving you what you needed. “you’re not in charge here, baby. you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

you bit your lip, frustration bubbling up as he teased you, circling your clit lazily but never pressing down the way you craved. just as you were about to protest, he withdrew his hand completely, and you groaned at the loss.

“you’ll get what you want,” he muttered, his voice rough with his own desire. you heard the sound of his belt unbuckling, and the anticipation made your heart race. “but not until i’ve had my fill of you.”

the sound of his zipper sent a fresh wave of arousal pooling between your thighs. you barely had a moment to think before you felt the blunt head of his cock teasing at your entrance.

“is this what you wanted?” he asked, voice low and dangerous.

“yes,” you choked out, desperate.

“say it.”

“i want you, slash. please.”

“that’s my girl,” he growled before thrusting into you in one deep stroke. the sudden fullness made you cry out, your fingers digging into the couch. he gave you no time to adjust, setting a slow, punishing rhythm that left you gasping with each thrust.

“look at you,” he murmured, gripping your hips tightly as he fucked you deeper. “so needy. so fucking perfect.”

every word sent sparks of pleasure straight to your core, and you pushed back against him, meeting each of his thrusts. the room was filled with the sound of skin meeting skin, your whimpers and his low, guttural moans mingling together.

“you’re mine,” he growled, reaching around to find your clit, circling it roughly with his fingers. the combination of his cock stretching you and the friction on your sensitive nub sent you hurtling toward the edge.

“slash… i’m gonna…”

“cum for me, baby,” he commanded, his voice tight with restraint.

with a final thrust and a sharp press of his fingers, you shattered, your orgasm crashing over you in waves. your walls clenched around him, drawing a deep groan from his chest as he thrust into you a few more times before spilling himself inside you.

for a moment, the only sound in the room was your ragged breathing. slash pulled you upright, his hands gentle now as he turned you to face him.

“you good?” he asked softly, brushing a damp strand of hair from your face.

you nodded, a sated smile tugging at your lips. “yeah. more than good.”

he smirked, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “good. next time you decide to test me, just remember how this ends.”

[melithril]

[Adar] - Safe With Me

♫ - Sanctuary - Welshly Arms

TW: abuse (non-intentional choking), mention of trauma and nightmares (Adar) . If this triggers you, skip this one and take care of yourselves!

A/N: A request from AO3, please enjoy! <3

Sleep was a blessing. It was not often that Adar managed to get a good nights sleep wherein he could rest at a decent time and sleep all the way through until dawn. Sometimes, it was stress that kept him awake, other times it could be slight bouts of insomnia. On the rarer occasion, it was his nightmares.

Adar didn't have them often, he had learned to push those bad thoughts of his past away. He was not always successful, and sometimes they crept in. He had quickly learned to deal with them, but the more violent ones were hard on his own. He would wake, sweating and panting, feeling lost and empty and unable to sleep the rest of the night. 

However, once he had met you, Adar found his nightmares became few and far between, that you had become a safe beacon for him in those times of need. Each time he woke with fear, you shushed him back to sleep, and he let himself rest knowing you were there.

Only one time had it been significantly worse than the rest.

You had awoken with the movement of Adar beside you, who was tossing and turning, tiny little groans coming from his throat as he did so. Sweat laced his forehead, and hie had a tight grip on the cover where his knuckles turned almost white. Adar's soft features were curled into a grimace, and he looked very pained at what was happening in his mind. 

Concern had washed over you although you had been here many times before. You were not annoyed at being woken up, far from it, you knew it was a time in which Adar would need you the most and somewhere you had sworn to him you would always be.

"Adar?" you whispered, leaning down and laying your hand onto his shoulder, shaking him very gently. "Hey, come on, wake up."

Adar was notoriously hard to pull from his dreams, especially bad ones. That's why you handled him with care, squeezing his shoulder and laying your free hand on his face, the pad of your thumb rubbing his cheek. He tended to take comfort in your touch on his skin.

"Adar, my darling.." Your voice was louder this time and he had jumped bolt upright in bed. A little startled, you had jumped back, not too far as you kept yourself in his reach.

It must have been a terrible one, as Adar's eyes were glazed over as though he wasn't even there. In a fraction of a second, Adar's hand shot up and found home around your throat, though there was little to no pressure. Inside, you panicked, but on the outside, you knew you had to remain calm. Whatever his dream was must have gotten to him badly, as he would never have laid a hand on you any other time. 

Not knowing what else to do, you did the one thing you thought may ground him again. So, you used your voice and talked to him.

"Adar.." your voice meekly trailed off, and Adar's hand had not moved a muscle. 

Those eyes you had grown so accustom to staring at you with love were a haze, and he narrowed them as he looked at you in what was left of the moonlight. Merely moments had gone by, but it felt like a lifetime. Worry evident in your tone, you carried on in hopes you could get through to the uruk.

"My star, I know you are there. It's me, my love. Please come back to me."

Your voice broke at the last words, and Adar began to blink rapidly. Perhaps less than thirty seconds had gone by in the whole exchange, and his hand dropped as a look of shock found its way onto his face.

"Oh, starlight," Adar spoke, barely above a whisper. "I - I am sorry."

He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing a hand on his temple. You sat before him, letting him process what had happened before making any move. Opening his eyes once more, the look of sorrow on his face broke your heart. 

"I did not mean that, please forgive me. I was not aware of who you were... for a second, I thought.. I thought you were.."

"Shh, Adar. You need not relive it. If you wish to talk about your dream I am here, but do not worry, there is nothing to forgive for your actions. You acted out of turn, you did not know."

A sob left your lover, a very rare occurrence to hear out loud. If he did cry, it was mostly silent. You knew he was in a bad way right now. Leaning forward, you crawled to his side and took his hand in your own. Adar could not bear to look at you, feeling horrible for how he had treated you.

"My light," he began, eyes pointing down to his lap. "I promised to never lay a finger on you, and I am ashamed that I would allow myself to do that. If you no longer feel safe with me, I would understand."

Your eyes widened,saddened by the implication you would want to go anywhere else. "Do you think one small instance in which you have a natural trauma response would make me leave you?"

Your question was rhetorical, he knew he didn't have to answer. You tilted Adar's chin so his eyes looked into yours, and you wiped his tears as you always had done. 

"Now, you listen to me, Adar," you began, cupping his face to keep his attention on you. "I know these nights will happen, they have before and I know your past is what causes them. Your dreams are of that, and that is not something easy to deal with for you. It would not be for anyone. But, your trauma is not something worth leaving you for, do you understand? I am here to help you. I know there was no malice in your action, and therefore nothing to be ashamed of. I am still here, I will hold you and kiss you until every bad thought is gone tonight. You are not alone, and you never will be."

Adar could see the sincerity in your face. The fear in him that you would leave after he had placed his hands on you in such a manner had dissipated, but still the remainder of his nightmare lingered. Your arms reached around him, pulling him into your side. One hand ran through his soft locks, your other hand entwined with his own. 

Silence fell on the room as you sat together, Adar in your arms as you held him close. Your lips pressed kisses to the side of his head as he lay it on your shoulder, keeping himself nuzzled into your side as best he could. The sun had started to rise, and its rays crept in through the crack of the curtain. Still, you paid it no mind. In a way, it felt fitting. The darkest was done, and the calm after the storm washed over you both as you enjoyed each others company. 

Adar stirred from his place, propping himself up on his arm as he leaned facing you.His hand came to your face to brush through your hair, and you had not flinched. You knew he was harmless, and you knew that he would never hurt you with intention. With Adar, there was nothing to fear.

"Thank you for staying with me." Adar spoke softly now, and you smiled down at the handsome uruk. In the pale glow of the sunrise, his features lit up in a beautiful way. You took a second just to admire him before responding.

"There is nowhere I would rather be, my beloved. I have never felt safer with anybody, you have kept me protected enough times for me to know I will come to no harm with you. Your burden is mine to bear, too. I will be here for you, always."

He leaned up to kiss you, lips touching yours softly. You returned it, just as gentle. As he pulled back, Adar spoke against your lips. It sounded more like a promise to himself, but you took his words in as the last thing you heard before the two of you drifted off into an early morning slumber.

"You are safe with me, my darling. I promise. This is our sanctuary, and I will always keep you protected."

Thank you for reading! <3

[ky-yk]

2:28 am (hyj x f!reader)

genre: fluff || word count: 968 author's note: back from the dead with smth self indulgent and way farther from what i envisioned

in. out. deep breaths, y/n.

lying in a pool of your own sweat, you heaved while staring up at the ceiling. not even a blasting a/c could stop me from shedding my weight in sweat, huh. you learn something new every day, you thought to yourself.

you turned my head with what energy you had left and squinted your eyes to look at the time: 02:28 am, it read. you closed your eyes and sighed, turning to look back up at the ceiling.

"literally, why do i do this to myself. i had a whole day to work out and yet here i am," you muttered to know one in particular. maybe it was a way to distract from the baby hairs sticking onto your forehead and the ends of my locks feeling like you'd taken a shower that you'd suddenly become hyper-aware of.

"i wonder the exact same thing."

a husky voice broke you out of your reverie. you propped yourself up on your arms as you looked over to the door that you're surprised you didn't hear open and met the striking brown eyes of a certain songstress. your eyes grew wide as you tried to sputter out an answer.

"o-oh, hey yunjin!" such a charmer, y/n. nice going.

you then got up and ran over to the couch where your towel lay and tried to at least make myself look presentable. "what're you doing here? it's so late," you asked in english.

"i could ask you the same thing, y/n," she chuckled with a shake of her head. she turned her attention to the lone yoga mat near the end of the room.

"i-i'll clean that up, don't worry!" you sputtered out. you then scuffled over to the yoga mat and started rolling it up. "anyways, what're you doing here again?"

"leader's orders. she's been trying to contact you all night," she replied nonchalantly. you cringed at the thought of worrying your chaewon-unnie. yikes...

"um, tell her i'll be home soon," you replied.

the quiet hum of the air conditioners was the only thing filling the awkward silence between you and your same-aged friend. who you also happened to be crushing on. hard. i mean, it was hard not to. she was quite literally everyone's dream girl. insanely talented, creative, witty, and not to mention, absolutely gorgeous. when she came home from the salon after dyeing her hair black for unforgiven promotions, your soul quite literally left your body.

aside from those, though, she felt like home. the whole debut process -- from getting scouted at a school talent show to moving to korea barely speaking the language -- would've been even more hellish had she not been around. your first training session with the girls was nothing short of grueling, made even more so by your evident insecurity and shyness. you sat on the couch with the girls as they chattered away nonstop among each other, their conversations going in one ear and out the other as you stared off into the distance and just let everything sink in.

"hey, you good?" she asked you in english, and the familiarity in a strange land lifted a whole weight off your shoulders.

only for it to make it so easy for you to fall into the trenches that is huh yunjin.

"i'll wash up real quick and then head home," you told her after cleaning up after yourself. she hummed noncommittally as you picked up your belongings and made your way to the hybe showers. when you came back, she was sitting patiently with her legs crossed and her phone in her hands, looking at it intently. you finally got a good look at her: how her glasses hung on for dear life at the end of her nose, how her hoodie engulfed her and made her look oh so cuddly, and how she let her hair down and had it frame her face perfectly.

goddamn, get up, y/n.

"let's get going?"

"come here, first."

she put her phone down and opened her arms up for you to come into. you confusedly put your bag down and walked over to her, only for her to turn you around and pull you into her lap. your eyes widened as you felt your heart beat against your chest. you looked down at her arms tightening around your waist, hoping your hair would cover your reddening face. that was probably fruitless though because you were certain she could feel the heat radiating off of you with her chin resting on your shoulder.

"um...care to explain?"

"i'm just feeling affectionate," she mumbled.

"ah." she probably would've clung onto kkura-unnie if she was here. i just happened to be the only person around. get up, y/n.

"besides, i haven't seen you often. you're always disappearing after our schedules; my english is getting rusty, you know?" you could hear the pout in her voice. you turned to look at her and completely underestimated the distance when she turned to look at you too, noses barely touching.

"so when chaewon-unnie was going to ask zuha to look for you, i stepped up. i missed you."

"we see each other every day though."

"but we never get to hang out."

"valid, i guess."

you broke her gaze and turned to look at yourselves in the mirror. yunjin plucked her phone up and turned her camera on.

"look, y/n."

your idol instincts turned on and posed for the camera in front of the mirror: hand on your cheek, face scrunched up in a smile as yunjin shot away until...

you felt her nosing away at your neck and leaving a little peck on the spot. there was no way she couldn't feel your heart drumming against your chest.

"cute. let's get going?"

"yeah, sure..."

[razorblade180]

Clashing Feelings

With another day of training ready to wear out March’s muscles, the girl gladly took her time walking into the court yard. It was strength day with Yunli and that meant figurative and literal heavy lifting. To prolong meeting her master in Aurum Alley, she had told Yunli she had conventionally forgotten her blades; allowing her to walk back.

As March walked to the bench where they rested, her eyes honed in on Yanqing lying flat in the grass. An instinct took over and she ran over to find him completely conscious.

March:Master Ya- oh… you’re awake. Good! That’s good.

Yanqing:Forgot your swords?

March:You could say that. Master Yunli gave me an ear full. Uhh, why are you on the ground?

Yanqing:I’m organizing my very, very jumbled thoughts.

March:So you won’t be observing today with-

Yanqing:Pass

March:…Master Yunli really bothers you, doesn’t she?

Yanqing:She’s just so…annoying! Her remarks never let up! And don’t get me started on her attitude! I know I shouldn’t pay her any mind and yet…agh! *sits up* I’m not stupid! I’m well aware of my flaws in swordplay and I don’t need her pointing them out all the time. I mean would it kill her comment on my effort at least once!?

March:You want her to compliment you?

Yanqing:*red*That’s…not what I said! Not like her opinions should matter to begin with. I know I’m trying and so does the General; and yet…tsk! Why do I know her acknowledgement matters to me!? I-

March:Is this your first time having a crush?

The silence was loud. The boy pouted and sulked as he turned his head away.

Yanqing:That doesn’t properly describe the situation. Do you really think being around a girl my age would throw me out of sorts. Cut me some slack! I’m aware Yunli is a capable sword master. Frankly, she’s incredibly skilled. It’s hard not to admire that.

March:Yanqing, that’s still a crush.

Yanqing:Fine! *throws hands up* I have a crush on Yunli! Are you happy now!?

March:Haha, aww. Chin up okay? It’s perfectly normal for someone your age. Even adults get crushes; I’ve had my fair share. Unlike you though, I get along with them.

Yanqing:How so?

March:Well…*blushing* Let’s just say there’s a lot of truth opportunities to get to know each other on a deep level.

Yanqing:So what would you do in my situation.

March:Umm hehe, let’s not tackle it from that angle. If it’s advice you want then I think it’s better to let yourself feel everything you’re feeling. It’s confusing but important.

Yanqing:Are you saying I should say something to her?

March:Oh Aeons no! Somehow I feel like that would turn into another sword match.

Yanqing:That’s…an accurate assessment. *lays back down*

March:All I mean is don’t try do or act in ways that reject those feelings. No running from her or saying things you don’t actually mean. Believe me, it’s embarrassing. As for acknowledgement, I can’t say if this is her thought process, but whenever Dan Heng or Mr. Yang are strict with me I know it’s because they believe I can do better. You’re the young prodigy and lieutenant of General Jing Yuan. There’s no way she doesn’t think you’re not talented. Believe in yourself more instead of the flaws.

Yanqing:..I can try. Thanks, seriously.

March:See? Talking and feeling the emotions is so much better!

Yanqing:This conversation remains private.

March:Who do you take me for!? Not only am I good student, but a quality friend and trustworthy girl. It’s not cute to spill secrets.

Yanqing:Heh, I’ll take your word for it. But as for a good student…maybe say that when you aren’t late for a session.

March:gasp You’re right! I gotta go! Bye master!

She grabbed her blades and ran off. Hopefully Yunli wouldn’t be too mad. March expected the courtyard and immediately stopped did in her tracks when her head looked left. Right outside the entrance, Yunli leaned against the stone archway. Her arms were crossed and her face a mixture of pensive and pouty. She locked eyes silently before standing up properly and walking back to the alley. March quietly followed clos behind.

March:Sooooooo, what brings you back over here?

Yunli:Oh I don’t know. Perhaps it was student taking exceptionally long for unknown reasons? Next time, don’t drag your feet longer than someone’s patience.

March:H-How long were you waiting there?

Yunli:Long enough.

March:(I’m so sorry Yanqing!!!) Then-

Yunli:If you’re asking for my thoughts then don’t bother. Nothing much to say. Only a moron would gain such a mess of thoughts in the short time of a few weeks.

March:Hey. Don’t you think that’s a bit too mean to-

March stopped herself short. It wasn’t instant, but her master’s ears gradually began to become a dark red that was hard not to notice. She couldn’t help but smile.

March:Ah~ fair enough. I guess it’s a little moronic, but nonetheless sweet. Hehehe.

Yunli:I’m doubling your weight today.

March:Yes ma’am! Let’s both do our best!

Yunli:Hush!

[emmitaaa4]

Getting exponentially tired of the “elriels want 👹” posts in the elain tags where they proceed to either A) outright invent stuff B) act holier than thou about how they care so much for Elain because they C) misconstrue the little they hear from our side in bad faith, or D) just completely miss the point they’re addressing.

it’s one thing to be bitter about a ship, but geez theyre getting mad at generalizations they made up about what we think. it has to be tiring. non?

small rant beneath, just to vent. yes i know i can (& should) block certain tags, but reading frustrating content is a hobby of sorts.

Im genuinely convinced all these “ewriel”-myths they keep talking about are a result of a bad game of telephone—they hear a random thing a gwynriel says, go “they’re all stupid/delusional/immature (insult of choice) so i don’t doubt what you’re saying”, then repeat it to others.

It’s obvious by the way they wholeheartedly believe that Elain is our puritanical-warrior-self-insert we use to vicariously F Azriel (😃✋). Doesn’t help that they usually don’t look as deeply into Elain as we do & tend to get stuck on obviously superficial statements about her: they cannot seem to fathom an Elain that isn’t just a once-bright socialite wilting away sans her sun-mate. So any hint of darkness/savviness we see in her is just us moulding her into Y/N. sigh

anyways.

I can say i’ve read their posts on here, a ton prior to being involved and some now. I’ve seen their tiktoks & video essays, their powerpoints & reddit posts. i’ve seen their comments all over insta/tiktok (kinda hard to miss, they jump on elriel content with their “um shadows and um pliable bones and mates!!” comments). I am WELL aware of what the general consensus is on that side—which is why I am generally unbothered by GA, don’t mind EL, and am just peacefully sailing aboard my ship waiting for it to reach destination.

And because I care about Elain’s journey, I try to see the story the way they do when i encounter certain elucien arguments. For if i am to even just privately engage in the sHip wArs, i know to remain ✨critical✨ and ✨open minded✨.

… there’s no point turning discussions into angry posts against imaginary adversaries.

EVERY elriel i’ve talked to would read an elucien book because it is Elain’s story we are most anticipating. It’s just very telling to me that very few would do the same; that there’s not a whiff of willingness from most of them to listen to the other side.

The funny thing is that all those anti eWrieL posts** i’ve read tend to address twisted versions of “the elriel narrative.” They take things out of context, or say we have the same 3 arguments—which is genuinely insane bc if you know our ship so well, how can you be off by like 2 orders of magnitude ??? (exaggerating if it wasn’t clear, we can’t know these days).

** Their pro GA content reads very anti-Az, used to be very anti-elain, and has a narrow scope ngl. While the bonus matters, it seems like that is ALL they’ve read. They don’t think much about Elain’s journey or powers or decisions, which is just logically not the best way to analyze the series given she IS what’s to come.

✨Just some common myths they believe✨:

they repeatedly claim that elriels want poor elain to be a kickass warrior torturer to fit Az because they A) don’t actually read our stuff B) enjoy thinking we hate elain, and C) can’t fanthom that spying isn’t 007 ninja activities.

apparently we ship elriel because we think they have this big great romance OFF PAGE 😭. how in the hell— i’ll make a post on this one istg it’s lowkey funny. quick, were nessian strangers and unfeeling towards each other at the start of SF ???? damnit i must’ve missed that.

En tout cas. End of rant the rest stays in the drafts lmao.

but istg one day i’ll cave in and unleash the essays of rebuttals and psychoanalyses of their arguments / thought processes just for shit and giggles.

[a-couple-of-notes]

OKAY what a finale, folks! Deliberately not reading everyone else's thoughts until later (although I did chat briefly with @kshaar -- thank you for enduring my walls of Discord text), but I'm beginning my processing by writing this out.

I have a few issues with how all of this played out, as I'm sure many of you do, but I mostly really liked this finale. I'm so, so aware that it's hard to stick a landing--especially in a fandom as theory-heavy as Marvel, with the dedication of the queer fanbase on top of it. I think it's commendable how much they executed well, and how deliberately they aligned it with their vision of the show, not the one that would make everyone happy (if there is such a thing).

To the stuff I liked: unpopular opinion, but I like the order of the episodes as it is--final big boss fight first, quiet intimate flashback as the finale. Or, at least, I see the vision--I'm still iffy on whether the pacing actually feels good, but that probably needs another rewatch. This show has always been about unpacking Agatha, peeling off her masks until we get to some kind of truth, ugly or beautiful or both. Of course the ending is the truest thing we've ever gotten out of Agatha--the real story of her son and his death.

I loved everything about Nicky, Rio, and Agatha in the flashback. It is so beautifully mundane. A mother's love. A natural death. Selfishness. Grief. Anger. It's gorgeous, and the version of the ballad we got felt so, so fitting.

Everything about Jen! That unbinding spell...whoo. Sasheer Zamata knocked it out of the goddamn park with her performance--the joy, the sorrow, the agony of relief. Man. Even if the rest of the finale flopped on its belly (which it didn't), that alone would have been worth the price of admission. (Also ALSO: Agatha hate-flirting with Jen over confession of horrible traumatic action that fucked up Jen's whole shit! The Jen/Agatha truthers win!)

Alice. Alice my beloved. Ali Ahn, you do so much with the little screen time you have and I applaud you for it. I'm very grateful their cap on her arc was "I could make my life mean something/you're a protection witch. You died protecting someone" and not "you get to see your mother again" because, as I pointed out in the tags of one of my previous posts, that's the real tragedy of Alice. Her life, her freedom, her potential.

To the things I'm mixed on: that final battle, man. I think they did an admirable job of focusing what could have been a generic Marvel magic-blast-y slugfest into distinct character beats, but there was a lot going on in that fight. And compared to previous Rio and Agatha interactions, their big climactic one felt a little...weightless. Those factors make it much less clear why Agatha and Rio are fighting--like, on an emotional level; I understand intellectually why--which means that what also feels unclear is...

...The not-a-sacrifice. I like 90% of this. I like that Billy is finally able to communicate with Agatha via mind powers, because he's started to accept how alike they are. I like that Nicky is once again Agatha's turning point. I even can get behind the sacrifice as the creators' intention--not what I would have preferred, but a solid narrative choice nonetheless. Still, I am super unclear what, exactly, Agatha is thinking when she turns around. Is she just remembering Nicky himself--how much Billy is like him and how ashamed she would be if she left? If so, it feels odd that Agatha's version of sacrifice is kissing Rio so honestly. Later, we learn that Agatha was taking a risk to become a ghost. So when Billy asks how Nicky died, is Agatha remembering how Rio gave him time--the kiss as a fucked-up version of recognition, the risk being Agatha relying on Death's special treatment once again? That would be a better end to Agatha and Rio's arc, but there's no expository line, no echoing "I can only offer time." And Agatha and Rio. DON'T. TALK. IN PRESENT-DAY EPISODE 9.

This is my main gripe. I am aware I am griping with Megalopolis and FFC, not the show or its creators. But goddamn if more Aubrey Plaza would have fixed almost everything in that finale--and I mean this in a narrative sense, not just because I love Aubrey Plaza. It would have clarified where Agatha is ending re: her relationship with Rio (and Nicky), and it would have bookended the first episode so well (the three-player drama returns!) I am actually irritated about this.

Ghost Agatha looks so goofy. Like, I understand the vision here--the parallels to her mother, and of course Agatha would find a way to piss off Rio in her own domain. It's iconic. Still. There's something about Ghost!Agatha that's so much harder to buy into on a gut level, a kind of emotional distance created in such an emotional, tactile show.

Billy. Oh, Billy. I like your arc. I like its execution, while heaving a grudging sigh of "yeah, that makes sense for this story but I'm still kind of disappointed" re: the creation of the Witches' Road. I love the idea that Billy's ultimate arc was to accept the darkness in himself, and all the things he's capable of. But I really, really wish Agatha had had one more conversation with...not you. (Agatha naturally falls into a mentor-type role for Billy, which isn't necessarily bad or not part of her arc, but does at least lead to me feeling like we don't get an endpoint for Agatha in present day that's entirely her own.)

And I suppose that's the crux of my mixed feelings: the show began with Agatha asking who she was, before Billy even came into the picture. The viewers get to see a glimpse into Agatha's real self in the Ep. 9 flashback. But at the end of episode 9, Agatha is still running from it. She's barely touched her own grief (yes, yes, insert joke about Rio here), and we don't see her making that choice. I emphasize that because I am not categorically opposed to Agatha not completing her grief arc; god knows 9 episodes would have struggled to do that. I'm fine that they left some threads hanging. It's just that something in between Agatha (not-)sacrificing and Agatha coming back as affably-evil Casper is missing, and it feels like a gaping omission.

Other notes: Billy dramatically charging up the hex to create a memorial was great--another way the finale lets us into the beauty of the mundane. It's not to bring everyone back, or go down the Road again. But it's important, this act of remembering.

Though I'm disappointed we didn't get found family coven true, I'm at peace with how that thread wound up. This was a show about Agatha; the coven as individuals act as foils and reflections of her. They break and succeed in similar ways as Agatha. And they were a coven--a messed-up, broken coven who tried their best. It wasn't enough to save them, but it was enough for them to grow closer to the people they wanted to be. Agatha using something from every witch in her coven--Alice's protection spell, Lilia's divination, Jen's healing--in the fight was truly poignant, and tells me she'll remember them and carry them forward. (Also, the contrast against the flashback! "I cannot heal, I cannot protect you from what's coming, and I cannot divine when she'll come for you." Agatha needed them to be her coven! And they were. And they were.)

Final thoughts: (This is a misnomer; I'm still digesting.) Agatha All Along became a more complex, difficult show than I thought it would be pre-Episode 5. Occasionally this meant it disappointed me, had places where its budget, scheduling, Marvel-ness, and decisions regarding exposition struggled to connect things, but overall, it's a damn good show. And I would rather see a funny, challenging, ambitious show made with love for the craft than a safe, big-budget, chopped-up Marvel movie in a blender. And hey, it was super gay! (Please don't come near me with the "Bury Your Gays" stuff. Please. It's not that, I promise you.)

[forcebewitht]

Can I request the Yandere tweels x reader? I just can’t get enough of those two

The Sharks And The Minnow (Yanderes!Jade Leech and Floyd Leech x MC!Reader)

(TW: Stalking, mentions of blood, obsessive behavior, mention of drugging, forced kiss)

...You could no longer process how long you had been running for. Ace, Deuce, and Grim had all quite promptly been knocked out by your two pursuers....your two admirers. Ever since you had arrived that fateful day, they had been watching you- of course, they keep tabs on every little new fish that enters the walls of Night Raven College. However, you were....different in every way. Originally, it was merely another task to complete for their benevolent dorm leader, Azul- keep an eye on you and see whatever could arise that would prompt you into a deal.

It did not take long for this to twist into something new....something completely different altogether.

Your every habit, your manner of speaking, even the means in which you cared for yourself and/or others was all taken into account. Every moment, one was there, and the other was not far behind. Those eerie, seemingly bioluminescent eyes and forms always watching- always following. One would grin, the other would smirk. Two sharks, forever following their new favorite little minnow in the sea.

As you hide behind a profoundly sized tree, nearly upon the steps to Ramshackle- you heard it. Well, them. Their voices. Calling to you. Always behind, yet seemingly a few steps ahead of you in your thought patterns.

"Heeerrreeeee, fishy fishy fishy, ehehehehe~! C'mooooonnnn, shrimpppyyyy~! We won't bite you too hard, okay? I just wanna squeeze you real tight and never let go!"

Floyd, as usual, was the first to speak, his wild mannerisms and obsessive behavior always rolling off of his tongue in waves. You could practically hear his sick, manically twisted grin as he spoke.

"Ahehehe~ come along now, (Y/N), I am most certain we are all aware of the fact that....you cannot run from us for much longer, yes?"

Jade was next. The calm, collected composure in which he always carried himself and spoke in was as worrying as his sporadic twin. You too, could hear the smirk in his voice- confident, slightly cocky in an imposing yet subtle manner.

Your head turned away from their voices, not wishing to think too drastically about how close they currently were to you- all you had to do was get to that front door, get in, slam it shut, and get the ghosts of Ramshackle to make sure all the windows were locked, and call Crowley- Crowley? What would he even do, in the situation-

You heard a twig snap directly beside you.

"Oh? What have we here? Did our little minnow get too caught up in their own thoughts to properly plan~?"

You barely registered Jade's voice before you took off in a sudden bolt, desperately trying to reach your door and get to safety-

"Yaaaaayyyy~! Eehehehehe~! I wiiinnnnn the tag game!"

Floyd was far too quick- he had already linked his arms around your waist and hauled you off of your feet, carrying you back to his twin as though you were a mere parcel. He sighed, lovingly nuzzling your neck and inhaling your scent- that is, until he grew bored of this- and sunk his sharp teeth into the flesh of your shoulder. A cry of utter pain slipped free from your lips as you were bucking wildly, desperately craving your freedom. The blood from your wound stained his teeth, which you soon saw reflected in the light of the grand moon above your heads in his smile- the sole witness to your plight.

"That you did, Floyd, as usual. Good job. Now, as for you- we cannot have you making too many more sounds, can we~?"

Jade was quick to step up, caressing your chin with a gloved hand for but a moment before it was fiercely grabbed. You noticed something was covering his lips- some sort of liquid? Your eyes widened as you struggled to escape the grip that Floyd had you in currently, Jade bringing his face dangerously close to yours. You could see the slight madness in his eyes, a predator satisfied with the catching of his ideal prey with his twin. Some fingers were trailed under your lips, and the next thing you knew, Jade's lips were upon yours. You muffled out a cry, and Floyd giggled at the sounds, his own lips finding your neck.

The second Jade pulled back, you found yourself slowly entering a dazed state. You were slipping free from consciousness, your sight beginning to dull you- whatever Jade had used, it was incredibly strong. You barely could register Floyd hauling you over his shoulder in victory as they laughed in unison at their catch, now walking back to the deepest recedes of their dorm with their beloved minnow......

(Hey hey, my dear Readers! Sorry I've been out of it for so long- lots has been happening behind the scenes 😭 I'm going to try to get to these asks whenever I have breaks! Thanks for the read, and I hope you all enjoyed this! ✨💕)

[willowser]

willow i am wondering and pondering on your thoughts on bakugou saying i love you🤔 I’m not sure if you’ve written anything on it (i would read it immediately fyi so do tell). i think i hc my bkg similarly to yours especially your younger bkg even though it’s so sad and tragic to think of him during his late teens-early 20s :( do you envision him ever being in love at that time also?? i doubt 22 year old bkg could pull himself together 🥺😔 but he’s been through a lot so loving someone is last on his mind but i like to think that at maybe 24-27 he’d be soooo okay with saying i love you first🥺 like you said he’s such a random romantic he barely even registers that he is🥺😭 sorry for rambling will kissing and smooching u first!!

oh man, early 20s bakugou 🥺 my poor sweet 🥺 tbh i really don't see him being in love at that time 🥺 i think even if he found you at that period in his life and you were everything he could ever dream of—i really think he just doesn't have the emotional capacity to touch that with a ten foot pole like. he can't give the time or the vulnerability or the sensibility. i think bakugou finding love for the first time is a real discovery process for him, and i think early 20s bakugou is so incredibly and whole-heartedly devoted to heroism, like there's just no room for anything else. maybe—maybe, maybe, maybe—he would try it out for a hot second, and it wouldn't go the way it should and he knows it and at that point he would just call it quits to be safe.

i think by the time he hits around 25 though he's on the up and up !! a little more familiar with navigating everything that's happened to him, able to become more aware of his feelings and the things he wants and what he's able to give to those things. i think this is the point in his life when he really shows his feelings through his actions 😌 like he's really going all out to show you how he feels, because i think he still might feel a little awkward voicing those things—unless it's in those random moments where he's not thinking about it too hard LOL

when i picture him saying it for the first time, i imagine you're in bed together, cooling off, catching your breath. you roll over to rest your head on his arm, even though he's sweating LOL, and he turns his head enough to press his mouth to your hair, even though you're sweaty LOL, and he just kind of quietly mumbles it after a long moment.

just a very simple and quiet i love you 🥺 doesn't want to make a big deal out of it 🥺 but when you say it back, he's trying very hard not to smile aifnruajaka he's so cute i'm biting him

[nalyra-dreaming]

What did you make of the hate sex? What do you think was the process of that, mentaly for them

Mentally?

Louis channeled his anger, and relief (to finally be able to let himself give in) into it.

And for Lestat it was pure relief.

But...

I actually think the actual hate sex was the easy part.

The afterglow and healing, and then the discussion that we didn't get to see, that must have been the hard part.

We see Lestat still dirty, bruised, and bloody back at Rue Royale.

Which means that Louis only let him dress before driving home. (They obviously didn't swim or the blood would have washed off.) Lestat has (healed and dried) bite marks on his throat. There are bruises and dried blood on both temples and the corners of his mouth. You can see some beyond the open shirt. There's bruises of fingers on wrists and upper arms, dried blood on arms and elbows.

We know Louis stabbed him after that first kiss.

I know this seems obvious, but this was very rough sex. And the bite positions mean Louis bit from behind, and at some point he had Lestat's wrists in a bruising grip.

And I wonder if that bite didn't change the tide.

Because as just said in another ask, but they can glean knowledge from blood. And so Louis took a look. Probably hunted for the truth.

His attitude to Lestat is very different after. Extremely mellowed. I could have easily seen him still simmering, but he wasn't. He was firm, but willing to empathize, and at times seeming more annoyed by Claudia's attitude than the situation itself.

I don't know what he may have seen or not, but I think it made a difference.

Also, to consider the vampiric aspects I mentioned in the car ask earlier - Lestat could, at any point, have fought back, and won. Could have gone home and subdued them.

But he did not. He let them be and respected their wishes, for years.

And... he let Louis do to him what will likely be an echo to what Magnus did I think. He let himself be... raped, to put it plainly. I know this sounds harsh, but this show is fearless. I think those bruises etc will make a reappearance in season 3, only we might get to see it then.... :(

But... this time... it was voluntary. Transformed through love, ultimately. Invited even.

Nonetheless - this wasn't a fight, whether it be one-sided or not, or justified or not (and there could be a whole discussion on that, I'm aware^^, especially to the vampiric rape Lestat was shown to do).

And the amount and placement of the wounds and their meaning always makes me wince.

And I do wonder how Louis actually felt about them, after.

Edit: And just to be clear, because people are willfuly misinterpreting: this does not state that Louis raped Lestat. What I am pointing out is that the very rough sex, and the bruises, and the wounds and the bites likely echo (some of) what we‘ll still get to see in s3, that Lestat probably thought about similar things happening to him. And he let it happen nonetheless. There have to be reasons why the body language and attitude of BOTH Louis and Lestat are so different after. The show connects with the turning there (which is written as rape with forced orgasm), which surely is no coincidence either.

And the discussion that had to happen after, after Louis saw something, after Louis, our Louis, probably felt extremely ashamed of seeing what he did this time... that discussion was probably painful beyond imagination.

And that is why Louis did not tell of it.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Glad you liked the Audrey thing! https://www.tumblr.com/claws-and-bee-stings/773534622821892096/httpswwwtumblrcomprincess-of-the-corner77350 Also loved this addition that was made XD

Also yeah I totally get you, tis why I am so leery of Andre positive stuff cos I in many ways dislike an abusive parent who inflicts themselves on their child more than one who checks out which is 99% of what Audrey did, even if not for good reason.

Regardless, yeah, it'd be very hard even in these circumstances for Audrey to become a more positive person. Realizing she was a victim of comphet & sexism is only gonna go do so much. Especially as her experience, even as a public figure in these regards is not 100% unique to her and not everyone who dealt with it became their worst self through out.

Everyone's entitled to their own sorrow, but she still messed up two perfectly good kids through a combo of hostility and neglect that in this context was mostly rooted in projecting her internal issues outward and having taken on a role she knew damn well she didn't want.

Still, having one's world rocked by revelations of the self could open anyone up for change too, its mostly a matter of whether one follows through on it, IE:

Audrey: After that Akuma, I see that I am X, which means my anger about Y was never necessary, but wait that means when I lashed out at Z... Oh.

Obviously she'd not phrase it like that, but that's kind of the process. Realizing who one is, that they never had to be what they are, that all those negative emotions came from elsewhere... Then hitting on the fact you took those negative emotions and wielded them like a cudgel on someone who didn't deserve it.

She could just shrug it off, or she could try and turn things around, or anything in-between, but it shook her foundations and preconceptions and that means there is room to grow.

Yeah like. Unfortunately I don't think there's gonna be anything to knock sense into her. And unlike some other shitty parents I've written, her kids aren't as forgiving if she does come around.

Re: Andre:

my thoughts on what category of bad parent to put him in kinda depends on what I'm doing with him.

Canon, as it stands, would be in the same category as Audrey in a 'get the kids away from him he sucks do not let him off easy'.

But in a fic like HC, I already established him as much different than what Canon turned him into. Someone who is making mistakes but genuinely trying and not always aware of what's going wrong and will fix things once it's pointed out. For example: loveblind re: Audrey and how her actions effect Chloé, but will chose Chloé over her once he does understand.

[salvatwh0re]

Sending as an anon since my loa blog is a secondary 👋 just a quick question and my little story <3

I was scrolling through your blog for a bit, how did you set your intention? Silly question I suppose, but I always forget. I’ve been in the void before, but I wasn’t completely sure- I doubted myself just a little because I was like “wait, really? am I? Is this the void?” And then I affirmed for longer until I left 😭

Your proof photos definitely motivated me LOTS! This morning after WEEKS of saying I’ll do my meditation and then falling asleep instead of meditating, I went back to my basics and put on two of my favorite videos. I restarted the meditation like twice because I kept moving, but I told myself, just like you said, that the void is accessible for EVERYONE and focused on my eyes (thought I probably forgot after a bit lol). Anyways, I also used a bit of daydreaming but I can’t really zone out on command when I daydream, but thanks to the background I did for a bit! I used my waves after and my body went numb and I definitely feel like I entered the void, I had a lapse in my consciousness so I know I didn’t just fall asleep but I wasn’t aware at the time.

Not really much more than a story and a little thanks for those photos! You reminded me that you don’t have to put some torturous, laborious work in for this and because of that, I was able to do two things I haven’t done in a VERY long time. I hope I can come to you with a success story soon! 🫶

Yay! I’m so happy for you

I understand the process of letting go of that desperation and doubt is hard, but in the end it’s necessary and you’ll realize how simple it is.

For me, I just thought of it as a mediation. When i felt like i was getting jittery or anxious i allowed myself to just get into a comfortable and drift off to sleep. I usually set my intention by affirming for a bit or just telling myself that i’m going to tap into the void state! If i start feeling drained or tired from the meditation (which rarely happens because i get so relaxed) I just turn off the subliminal and go to sleep with the intention of waking up in the void.

[urlocalbone]

ikkkk wlw hurts sometimes. But what can you do if the whole thing is one sided? I experienced that too low-key and I was forcing my fruitiness on her and she just wanted to be friends. It was like she was not letting me go cause she liked me as a friend without realising I was hurting.

Sucks for me we're still at the same school. Let's recover together. Still love her tho.

As for me, she saw me as her plaything, well aware of my feelings, she even wrote a Wattpad story based on her school life. Secretly, without telling me. Of course I was that pathetic character in her writing, the girl who is always there therefore needs no care. We would fight on and off, but she always kept me on the edge. She wouldn't say if we're friends, enemies, lovers or anything. Somedays she'd throw sentences like "oh you know I wanna feel how it feels to kiss" and after that she'd be like "nah that felt nothing". Later on she took the habit of avoiding me totally, jealous of my "grades" or "popularity". She thought I was lecturing her on her wellbeing 24/7, being too "critical" and annoying obv. She passed on her Lana Del Rey addiction and anorexia to me. After I left Bangladesh, it's been well over 4 months-- I suffered from bouts of disordered eating which has turned into binges now. I'm trying to regain control. I have a loving boyfriend, who supported me all throughout. I am still on the process of recovering from chemotherapy. My childhood leukemia made a 2nd show around last year's start. She literally said I was faking cancer! Thankfully my bf stuck around and he's pretty much the reason why I had motivation to live, really. Then again, when I lie in bed and Lana's voice whispers in my ears "He She hit me and it felt like a kiss..." Sorry for the long rant, but ayeah I get you, it's really hard to get over that one girl. Even when you think you HAVE, you really haven't. Prolly when you're older you'll finally have the ability to look back and laugh "fuck my 16 y/o ass did those shit??"

[sylvaridreams]

Speaking of Auruim, (nobody was speaking of Auruim, but I just came off of a 12 hour shift and I need to talk about the reform process and the tragedy of its shortcomings before it becomes too vague of a memory for me to recant,) speaking of Auruim and my reformed mordrem in general: why are they *like that*? Let's discuss.

The easiest answer is of course to look at Auruim and his rage, and his hurt, and his trauma and say that he has misdirected his anger towards Alba and the Pact and the guild as a whole and determined that they are at fault for his pain. And to some degree YES that IS why Auruim is like that on the surface layer, he has nowhere to point his anger over his pain, he has no one to blame, and he has to find The Source of his agony, and the easiest thing to point at is The Commander who didn't protect him.

But I also think that it's too easy of a cop out, and it disregards the overarching theme of why is he LIKE THAT, though? and for that matter, why are the other two reformed mordrem like that? Darlio has no pre-blighting memories. Venasis had zero connection to the Pact or the Commander before meeting him during Icebrood Saga. Neither of them have Auruim's same experiences, so why are all three of them still so incredibly rough around the edges for several years after leaving the lab?

And I am certain that the answer to that lies in the question "what does the reform process for mordrem DO?" At its base, the reform is meant to turn them back, physically. It severs them from the mordrem hive, mentally. But that is where the process ends, and that finish line is where all three of them were failed by the process. It ended before it had completed, in some ways before it had begun. To call it an ego experiment is not a massive exaggeration; the krewe involved wanted to see if they COULD do it. Turned out they could, and so they called it a day at that point.

Taimi mentions to Alba on one of his first visits to the lab that this is the case, though not in the same verbiage. "The physical process is basically over, and mentally they're severed from the mordrem hive and aware of themselves, but socially… well it would be dangerous to just let them go, obviously. They need constant supervision and correction right now, and honestly, this krewe doesn't have people to spare to babysit."

Constant supervision and correction, babysitting-- for mental and emotional issues that remain. What she fails to bring into this is any plan to close the gap. They've changed the three physically. They've severed them from the hivemind. What more could you possibly want them to do? Provide emotional recovery and rehabilitation? Mental exercise and support?

Because in those ways the three mordrem are still 99.5% mordrem. They don't have emotional regulation or impulse control; they don't have the mental capacity for complex thought and decision making. They are hive creatures taken from their hive. They do not know how to handle the very harsh world they've been forced back into.

I put a lot of personal allegories into writing my sylvari but especially my mordrem. There's the theme of societal otherness and intense unregulated emotions that I can point to and say yeah, that mirrors some of my autistic traits. There's the themes of physical and mental disability stemming from sudden violent trauma that I can point to and say yeah, that's my TBI. There's the intense dysphoria, the disconnect of physical body with what "should be" and that's where we hit my transgender narrative. There's more but I've made the point.

So it comes back down to WHY does Auruim continue to be so cruel and hateful towards Alba and so "stupid" for years after Icebrood Saga; why is Darlio so similar without the reason of "hating the Commander," why does Venasis also struggle so hard with the same things-- or more importantly when and how does this begin to change?

The answer to which is "basically, as soon as they leave the lab, but very slowly, and ultimately not for a long time." Auruim only begins to improve in how he thinks and how he relates to others after the end of EoD, even past the end of SotO. Between Icebrood Saga and EoD, he's sent on his quest to better empathize with Alba (by going through his memories of HoT through LWS4,) and learns compassion for another person, though he struggles to express it appropriately. EoD sees him learning new outlets to exercise his mind and fine motor skills; writing letters to Deidre allows him to regain some pre-mordrem literacy skills and practice the art of holding and using a hand guided writing instrument like a pencil. He spends most of SotO comatose, and deteriorates physically and mentally while in that state; afterwards, as he struggles to regrow his missing limb, he is again relearning fine motor skills, speech, communication, emotional regulation, etc.

Things the lab failed to notice he was lacking and provide him with. Similar to their failure to provide him adequate medical care; post-reform saw him as chronically ill and physically unwell, but there was a refusal to see him as a person in need of treatment for conditions he could not control versus a specimen that needed observation and a cattle prod to approach. Something that has failed to come up on here is mention that there were not initially three mordrem captured in Auruim's group, there were five. The missing two both died within a few months of capture; one of them overnight while the others slept, separated from Auruim by a wall, and no one was aware that anything was amiss with her until late into the next morning. For the lab, this was a minor paperwork annoyance, but for Auruim this was terrifying. This was a fresh trauma, one of his own kind dying in a cage less than a foot away from him as he slept, seemingly for no reason. The fifth mordrem passed a couple of months later when the krewe refused to enter his cell to help him unless he assumed a surrender position; the mordrem was unable to stop convulsing, and no krewemate entered the cell until he had already died, while Auruim and the other two survivors pleaded with them to do anything to keep him alive. Even after the physical reform eventually leveled off and finished, these three were not people but specimens of beasts, and they eventually had to be carefully retaught so much of what being mordrem and being prisoners in a lab had stripped them of: personhood.

(And then there are a number of physical issues that Alba starts to notice during Icebrood Saga but which he fails to address promptly; it's not until after EoD when Auruim is living with Canach for several months that anything gets done about most of them. Both times, Taimi is consulted, and the answer boils down to that "you can't expect my krewe to have dealt with that" -- i.e., it wouldn't have been safe for them to treat Auruim's physical ailments, even the ones that they noticed were causing issue. Then of course there are the issues that fail to be noticed; no one realizes Auruim is very close to legally blind, because his communication that "I can't see it" and "you didn't show it to me" are taken as obstinance and push-back rather than admission that he *isn't* seeing things that are being held up to him. It's not until close to EoD that anyone realizes he's being literal when he says he can't see something directly in front of him and thinks to do anything about it.)

I think Auruim has a uniquely sad and frightening perspective of having had his identity as a sylvari stripped of him by the war he was handed off to, surviving as a feral thing for four years, and then being ripped out of his territory, tagged and collared, and told to act like a normal member of society. He was acutely aware of what he was lacking but had no way of knowing how to correct those things and close the gaps, and no one who understood or wanted to show him how to do so. And I think this is also why he clashes with so many people, but especially Alba. Alba fails for a long time to see that Auruim is lacking in things in all departments. He wrongly assumes that Auruim is just not trying hard enough, or that he's intentionally being difficult out of anger, leading to a lot of tension and distrust between them. It would not be incorrect to say that Alba is openly cruel and cold to him at times, because he perceives Auruim as treating him the same way. What he fails to see is Auruim's struggles with understanding his emotions and thoughts, and he fails to acknowledge that this is a person who relies entirely, 100% on him for care and guidance, which Alba falls short on often early on.

For example, during much of Icebrood Saga, Auruim refuses to wear a coat or sleep off the floor. Alba quickly gives up on both topics, deciding that Auruim has made the decision and can suffer the consequences. He fails to understand that Auruim cannot make these decisions, that mentally he cannot process the information or understand the unspoken implications presented to him of "this climate is intensely cold and very harsh" which therefore means "you can and will get sick and even die if you don't do these things." From Auruim's perspective, Alba attempts to dress him and give him a bed to sleep in out of some kind of roundabout cruel streak; he is rubbing Auruim's face in his "domestication." It is once people who don't like Alba (Meisi) become aware that Auruim is not being taken care of to meet these needs and kicks up a fuss that it begins to somewhat click that such points are possibly for his own good, or might otherwise benefit him somehow.

There is a certain gap between him and Alba bridged during EoD while in Cantha; throughout Icebrood Saga and the time between the two adventures, personal hygiene has been a point of conflict between the two of them. Auruim hates bathing because 1. he's lost his mordrem pheromones and identifying smell, and clings to this belief that maybe if he can regain it somehow, he can also regain his rightful place in the world (as a mordrem.) This leads into point 2; hygiene proved to be an issue early on in the reform process as well for the same reason, and the closest the krewe could offer to a shower was a cold spraydown of him and his cell with a hose. There's trauma in the act of bathing from "this is what they did to me in the lab too" and also "this is how my identity was stripped away from me." Alba does not get this until EoD; and until that time would also gladly take any opportunity to spray Auruim down from afar. While in Cantha, he actually attempts to communicate at Auruim's level and understand him past the surface level aggression and hurt, and is able to propose compromise, though it proves unsatisfactory-- Auru essentially tells him that the smell of soap is "wrong," so Alba takes him to a specialty shop to pick out his own. When that proves to not be the full answer, he also eventually coaxes out of Auruim that the imbalance of "power" in being bathed makes him upset and uncomfortable; Auruim does not want to be alone and feel cornered in this retraumatizing experience, and so Alba joins him in that vulnerability and they bathe communally, allowing Auruim to see him as an equal suffering through the same horrifying process (a bath.)

But it takes a certain amount of first admitting that Auruim is trying to communicate, and carefully presenting the right questions, prodding at the right angles to get information out of him, because he doesn't understand essential and appropriate communication skills. Auruim's idea of communicating wants and needs is to stare from a distance in silence and then start angry crying if you eventually ask what he wants. He is not The Talker-- because again, they failed to re-teach him skills that he needed to go back into the world.

I have more to say, I could discuss Ven and Darlio furher too, but like I said, 12 hour shift and at this point I'm meandering. TLDR the krewe in question when it comes to mordrem:

[zumpietoo]

She was mad and bitter that they attended a protest together, and tried so hard to made it seem like they were a thing. It's all so childish lmao - she also couldn't stand that Madelaine was always supporting the idea that Cole deserved better than her. And - allegedly - Madelaine tried to tell Cole that Lili cheated on him while on set, which ofc caused hostility..

As for the fan accounts, Lili's had them since 2017! Was always behind the rumors that he was the one cheating. Also heard she pays her "fans" to promote her skincare brand, and back in 2020 tried to make the cast choose her over him since she couldn't handle how much time they wanted to spend with him.

I am just sooooo sorry it took me so freakin' long to answer this---because I was aware of it, but between work being just super busy/a big hot mess lately and my having somewhat melted my olddd laptop (yes, for realsies, it remains usable, but there's a big burn splotch on it, so I opted to wait for my new one to get here)/setting up the new one (and ongoing Xmassing) I just didn't have the time to reply and respond the way I wanted to....

I could believe all of that about Mads, honestly......their "friendship" was clearly always all for show. Interestingly, back in the day, I thought PP was the innocent one and Mads was simply jelly, etc, but it's become moar and moar apparent the opposite was true.

Still think Crotchi was always wanting Cole's D, but that remains on her.....I mean consider, excepting the highly staged, embarrassing Halloween stunt they'd do every year (until this one), PP almost never attended either of their Bdays, etc....but Cole frequently did.

And, OFC, there was MM's verrryyyyyy quick escape from attempting to be roomies with Peepster during Covid quaranteen, to the point of her leaving in a very few days to live with Joey and Danny(????), even as, turns out, they were in the process of breaking up....but THAT was actually preferable for her.

I have zero doubts her fan accounts pimp that shit and, again, as we've always seen, while she does have a rabid (but, LBR, ever-dwindling) fanbase, it remains verrryyyy finite. It's precisely why nobody's bought Horn and Hardart and most of her other stuff seems to simply disappear in a few hot seconds....

Given how fucked up it all would turn out to be, I frequently wonder if those weird, gaslighting trolls I used to get in DMs, desperately seeking to convince me Cole was an OHHH EMMM GEEE cheetoh cheetah!!! Weren't spurred by Amy, as well.....

Plus, OFC, it remains, even now....why TF do they exactly hate him soooo much? Even if Cole HAD cheated, whelp, there's no shortage of that----and they carry on like he was a serial rapist/murderer on the level of Ted Bundy.....seriously. And plenty of other peeps in that case to legit hate on in TinselTown even then....

And we all know Cole didn't cheat (that was PP and they were on again/off again....but we also know they all freak out that Cole started dating "other" wimmin well past 6 months after fully dumping her psycho ass, once and for all), and, honestly, never remotely as serious as Cole now is with Ari...full of lots of break-ups, too....

And if anybody's gonna "buuttt Breetchhh....."

A) loony-toons and, frankly, is most famous for having been his bitter ex, THAT was also like a decade ago, so that she can't move on is just beyond pathetic.

B) See above AND his freakin' college GF.....

I will now answer your OTHER ask/points, because there was lots there, too....