#I am DONE. I am TIRED. I literally saw a tik tok about how sexualized she was with other female characters and-

[akqrus]

I'mma need to know why tf did I open the Nier Automata tag just to see 2B sexualized and Gooner art of her????!!!???!!!

I hate everyone and everything.

[honeypiehotchner]

Hey, Reid! I actually have an idea for a headcannon or one-shot. So, I love how realistic your writing is because you tackle a lot of topics (PTSD, sexual assault, etc.) Can you do one on how Hotch were to react if he gets into an argument with y/n and sees her flinch when he tries to raise his hand to rub his face because she thought she was gonna get hit? Like, I think he would be so concerned for her and tries to reassure her that he won't hurt her like her ex did. I saw this based on a tik tok on how each bau member would react if they see y/n flinch during an argument. If this is a too touchy subject to do, I will understand, and if you wanna do it with a gender neutral partner instead, that works too ^^

Thank you so much for this request bby!! I loved writing this dose of fluff xx.

Also I think this is pretty gender neutral, but he does call reader “Honey”!

Small disclaimer that everyone’s PTSD looks different and this is not the sole decider of how PTSD has to affect you to be “valid.” This is just a depiction and I did draw from my own personal symptoms (especially the “being okay right after a freak out” because lord knows I suppress shit and let it get me days later)

HOTCH MASTERLIST || MAIN MASTERLIST

Down to Earth

You’ve been with Aaron for what feels like forever, but really has only been a little over a year. In this year, you’ve felt more at peace with him than you’ve felt in any other relationship.

But like every relationship, nothing is always perfect.

The two of you haven’t had a single argument -- until now.

You’re a fairly understanding person. When he has to leave suddenly for a case, you don’t mind. When he gets caught up in work and suddenly it’s almost nine at night and he’s still at the BAU, you just laugh. When he wants to go everywhere possible with you because he’s having a hard day with his anxiety (even if he won’t admit it), you let him follow you around like your personal bodyguard.

You knew what you signed up for when you took things further than a few dinner dates. You understand.

Which is why tonight’s argument is so stupid.

“I just need a straight answer. That’s all.”

“I don’t know what else you want me to say,” you shrug. “I literally don’t care, Aaron.”

“I don’t want to make all the decisions,” he replies. “I want you to have some say.”

“But I don’t mind it if you make the decisions.”

“It feels one-sided, and I don’t want that.”

“It’s fine, I swear.”

“I can see on your face that it’s not.”

“Don’t profile me, we talked about this.”

“I’m not profiling you, I’m just trying to get you to tell me the truth for once.”

“Well, I--”

Your sentence stops abruptly when you gasp, flinching, raising both of your arms in an X in front of your face.

And just like that, the argument is dropped.

All Aaron had done was raise his hand to run his fingers through his hair. But in the midst of an argument -- and on one of your worse days with your PTSD -- you legitimately thought he was pulling his hand back to hit you.

“Y/N…” He slowly lowers his hand, gaze softening when he hears you sniffling. “Honey…”

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, your arms still raised. You know he would never, ever hurt you, but you can’t move them. You’re trying, but it’s like all your muscles have tensed, refusing to let you move. “I won’t do it again, I’m sorry,” you say, rushing your words now. “Just please, don’t…”

It’s not until Aaron hears these words leave your lips that he realizes you’re not here right now -- at least not in your mind.

He doesn’t know anything about your past relationship. He put a few pieces together and knew it wasn’t necessarily a happy relationship, but he had no idea it was that bad.

“Y/N, it’s Aaron,” he pauses, mind reeling, trying to figure out how to get you back. “Can you hear me?”

“I won’t-- I’m sorry, please--”

“Y/N, you’re at my apartment with me. Can you open your eyes?”

You hear his voice this time and you open your eyes, a gasp falling from your lips as you yank your arms down to your sides. “I’m so sorry--”

“What are you apologizing for?” He asks softly. “You have no reason to apologize, Y/N.”

“Okay…” You say, flexing your fingers to ease some tension. “Well, still, about--”

“No, no we don’t need to talk about that anymore,” he shakes his head. “It’s not a big deal and I think this is more important.” He pauses. “But if you don’t want to talk about it, I...I completely understand. No pressure.”

You exhale, balling your hands into fists. “We can talk.”

“Okay. Wanna sit down?” He gestures to the couch.

You nod.

“Can I sit next to you?” He asks, and you’re grateful for his ever kind heart.

“Of course,” you smile. “Please.” And when he still sits a little too far away, you tug him closer. “You’re not going to break me.”

“I know that,” he says, smiling when you take his hand. “Are you okay?”

You have no idea how, but you are. “I am. I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” he says again, sandwiching your hand between both of his. “You can’t control your reactions.”

He’s right, even though you have suppressed them for a very long time. “I try to. I don’t want to scare you.”

“I don’t want to ever scare you,” he says, squeezing your hand. “I’m sorry that I did.”

“It wasn’t you.” He gives you a look with a hint of disbelief. “Okay, it was the sudden movement, I think. With your hand.”

“Okay,” he nods. He had already pieced that together, but now isn’t the time for him to talk about how he silently profiles you. “I’ll be more conscious of that.”

“Honestly,” you chuckle, “I’m not sure how you haven’t pieced it all together before now.” You pause, looking up from his hands. “Have you? Be honest.”

“Some things,” he admits. “Little things. Your problem with eye contact and agreement to everything -- and I should not have approached the topic that way. We’re both tired and that wasn’t the correct way to talk about it.”

“It’s…” He raises his eyebrows and you stop before you can say okay. “Right. I see now.”

“I gathered that the relationship, whatever it was, wasn’t healthy, but I never wanted to bring it up until you were ready. And I know it goes without saying, but I want to say it anyway. I will never lay a hand on you. I promise.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, lifting your free hand to stroke his cheek. “You have been so kind to me and I never know what to do with myself.” You shake your head slowly, smiling. “It’s like every time I start floating away, you’re right here, pulling me back down to earth.”

He lets go of your hand to wrap his fingers around your wrist, keeping your hand on his cheek so that when he turns his head, he kisses your open palm. “I’ll always be here to pull you back down.”

You let some silence pass before you say what you’ve been hiding all this time.

“He used to hit me,” you whisper. “It’s why it had been five years since I went on a date. Honestly, if Dave didn’t speak so highly of you, I don’t know that I would’ve even said yes that night. But I’m glad I did.”

“I’m glad you did, too.”

You smile softly. “Everything about you is so different from what he was. You’re such a gentle giant, you know that?”

He chuckles at the new description. “I guess I do now.”

“I just want you to know your gentleness never goes unnoticed or unappreciated. I love it. It makes me feel safe and loved and cared for. And I’m not used to it at all yet, but...I hope I’ll get there.” You pause. “I was having a rough day today with flashbacks and things. Today was our anniversary, but none of them were ever good, so I’ve been on edge.”

“Honey…”

“Even though I know nothing will happen because he’s gone and nothing bad has happened on this day for six years, it still… I still can’t shake it.”

“Well, let’s do everything we can to make the rest of this day the best day,” he says. “Let’s order your favorite for dinner. You pick the movie, and we can sit on the couch until we want to go to bed.”

“And then?”

“And then…?” He waits for your answer.

“And then...you make sweet love to me all night and go into work late tomorrow?” You add a shy grin, hoping to convince him.

But he needs no convincing. “Gladly,” he says, leaning forward to kiss you sweetly, softly, pulling you back to earth, weighed down with all his love.

[skyl-xr]

Honestly, truly... I’m still thankful for you C. I’m still grateful that we gave it a shot because I know that my mind would always get caught up in the what if’s if we hadn’t. Loving you helped open up a lot of doors. You have always believed in me and have always encouraged me in all that I do. Except Tik Tok (lmao). I will never ever forget the way your voice raises a few ovtaves when you laugh and how contagious it was. Or the way that your hand fit in mine. The late nights and never early mornings. But I also won’t forget about your shortcomings. I knew going into this that you had issues... issues that were rooted far beyond my reach. Issues that made you hesitant to get into a relationship in the first place, out of the fear of hurting me. Nevertheless I convinced you to give it a shot anyways. After all, I am the baddest bitch in the game. If I couldn’t help you, change you, help you see how beautiful love can be, nobody ever will. That makes my soul ache for you since you are such a good person deep down. You’re just so scared to love, you hold people at arms length so that they never quite reach you. Even though we both agree that I’m different, it still wasn’t enough. How tragic...

I have truly always thought I was psychic. Like not in a huge way, but when I create soul bonds with people, it is almost like I have a telepathic connection with them and those that I love. It is this way with my best friends, past lovers, and all the smaller and temporary souls mates I have had in the past. So when I was studying on my balcony, content in the cool November air, and the thought of doubt popped into my head out of NOWHERE.... I knew to be scared. Literally I was completely zoned in studying and the thought “you and C are going to break up. This isn’t right for you” POPPED INTO MY HEAD OUT OF NOWHERE. Hindsight 2020, it was God throwing me a bone. The physical anxiety attack I had told me all I needed to know. My gut was picking up on something my brain was too afraid to face and my heart was too blissfully ignorant to acknowledge. Up until that moment at least. When I called you and you came to pick me up, you were shocked at my uncertainty and you reassured me that everything was fine. You said you were so sorry if there was anything you had done to make me feel this way. And truly, there wasn’t, except for your lack of communication. But that was normal. I didn’t need to text you all day every day to be happy. But after that conversation in the car, I really started to look at things introspectively - we weren’t anywhere near where we should be for a couple coming up on one year. As I slowly came to terms with my own feelings, I could feel you pulling away. I could sense the minimal things you did to distance yourself. I started to notice that our relationship had dwindled down to intamicy restricted to the bounds of sexual interaction and limited to non-existing vulnerability. I knew, in my heart, that we would never be more than best friends. It took me weeks to finally admit that to myself. Even though I had been feeling it, I hadn’t deduced it. So when I told you I needed to talk, I was terrified. Call it tuition, call it my self-proclaimed psychic abilities - I knew what was coming. As I vocalized my deepest fears to my closest friends, they all told me I was overreacting and over reading into things. They told me your obliviousness had been causing me pain and it just needed to be solved with the conversation. At first, I masked my pain by saying this, but as the days drew nearer to the dreaded conversation, I knew in my heart what would happen.

I told you I wanted to talk. We had to postpone it for 2 awkward and silence filled days. Fuck finals. Also fuck going for not waiting until mine were over. Then when the time finally came, I was ready. I told me roommates “hopefully I won’t be coming back tonight. Hopefully you won’t be seeing me until after Christmas,” ... but that wasn’t the case. So on Tuesday night at 4:45PM, with my car packed, I drove to 108 and I came to pick you up. I needed help putting air in my tires and the 20 min that took were filled with forced conversation and uncomfortability.

As we pulled up, you said “I know you’ve been wanting to talk to me, but I’ve been wanting to talk to you too... I’m not sure if it’s about the same thing, but”

I cut you off and said “well you go first”

After a slight hesitation, and cough, and a voice adjustment, you said “well... I’ve just been thinking lately, and I think I’ve felt this for a little while, but I think me and you work better as best friends.” Even though this is the last thing I wanted to hear come out of your mouth, I knew you were right. What a horrible feeling, to get validation about something you prayed wouldn’t be true...

I responded with “yeah that’s the exact conversation I wanted to have”

Neither of us could make eye contact with each other but out of the corner of my eye I saw the tears welling in your eyes. This was the first time I’ve ever seen you emotional. You said “you know this is so hard for me because... I care about you a lot, my sister looks up to you, and you’re apart of my friend group... but it’s just not fair for me to continue this for you in the long run. I know you have options and .... I just don’t want to be selfish when i can’t see this as something I could commit to during grad school.”

Truly, thank GOD this was something I had already addressed in my own mind. Thank God I had written my speech to you regarding this exact same conversation over a week prior. Thank for I practiced reciting it to all of my friends to get their opinions. Because in that moment, I knew exactly what I wanted and needed to say - “well yeah this is the exact conversation I wanted to have with you. Ya know it just feels like we’ve been best friends more than anything for a while. Like our relationship is just way too casual and it just doesn’t even make you feel like my boyfriend really. And you know we’ve been dating for 5 months today, and we’ve been together for over a year now, and so I’ve really been thinking about what our relationship should look like at this point and I just can’t be satisfied with where we are. And I wanted to talk to you about it to see if it WAS something that you could fix. Because I do care a lot about you and I wanted to make this work but if this is just the way you innately are, then I don’t want to be pursuing something that won’t pursue me in the end. Do you know anything about attachment styles?”

I had been wanting to mention the attachment styles thing for a long time. Even though you had no clue, I knew that was the root of all of your problems, all of our problems. Your scarred past left you emotionally unavailable and cautious about anyone who gives a damn about you. I knew that this was something I wanted you to be aware of, for your own success. Because even if we didn’t get our happy ending, I still want you to have one of you can. And until you address these issues, you will never ever get there. And you said said no, you didn’t know what I was talking about. So I said “okay well I have to take a lot of psychology classes so I know a lot about this stuff. Attachment styles basically go back to your childhood or whatever but it’s basically the way that you work in relationships. You should do research over it and it’s really interesting. Also I think it will be very useful for you to be aware of for your future relationships (proud for saything this.) But anyways, I knew going into this that you were dismissive avoidant. And I always tried to be very respectful of that and the way that I knew you approached things. Like for example, it kinda hurt my feelings when you went to winstar and didn’t say anything to me. But I looked at things objectively and had to understand that you know it didn’t have anything to do with me and it didn’t have any reflection on us, that was just the way that you were. And I wanted to give you space to come to terms with your emotions, because we DID have that conversation where you said you had dated a few people since (the bad one) but you had subconsciously distanced yourself and to the point where you never let yourself get emotionally attached. And I don’t want to be just another person that that happens to, so... obviously this isn’t the endgame I was hoping for but it seems as if we are on the same page and it is more mutual than anything else. We both know what needs to happen”

And he said “oh my god skyler (in a nice way) this literally has nothing to do with you... you gave me so much space to deal with my shit. You literally are the best, I just... and I wouldn’t even say it’s a question about attachment, because I’m definitely attached.

“I know, it’s okay” I said

I had been keeping my computer so well. I spoke with confidence and ease and my voice never waivered. My sunglasses shielded my eyes and helped the facade but I would never let you know that you hurt me. Saving face was my biggest concern. So the long silence that came next was very difficult. I noticed you were still tear. As my hand nervously clenched the gear shift, you grabbed my hand and we sat in a heart wrenching and still kind of quiet.

To keep myself from losing it, I said “well shit... are we still going to be friends”

You responded and said “well yeah I really hope so” with a confidence in your heart that makes me believe you.

“okay good”

then you gave me a hug, and held my head. You whispered “I’m so sorry” and I barely got out an “it’s okay”. “I’m really glad we gave this a shot I just..” and I said “oh yeah me too. It’s sad, but I wouldn’t take it back.” You said “please understand that if you need anything, I want you to tell me, you can always call me.”

And then you got out of the car and we talked about maybe getting lunch over the break. And that was that....

I waited until I got down the street to start crying. Waited until I passed bray and ave’s houses, I didn’t want anyone to see me. It felt like someone had stolen all of the air out of the room. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t see. I’m not sure how I made it home. But I did. As I walked back into my house, I tried to hold it together. My roommates faces dropped when they saw me and I choked the story up. I couldn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the night about it. I couldn’t say it. I went to Jules and I got so high I couldn’t feel a damn thing. But somehow the tears were still falling from my face. It was literally uncontrollable.

That night, you texted me. I knew you would. Again, my intuition has entered the chat. You said “Hey I just wanted to say I’m really sorry. I hate that I keep doing this to you...You really just deserve someone more committed. I hope we can still be friends because we truly are friends.” I saw the message and I just could not respond yet. I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t respond. I typed it up and locked my phone. Then I would read it again, and lock my phone again. Again, again, again. Then about the 5th time and 2 hours since the OG text, either the telepathic connection was working or you saw my dots typing because about 30 seconds after I locked me phone you said “:(“ and I responded “It’s okay. I don’t regret it because now we won’t wonder what if. It’s sad but I think it was for the best... I’m definitely going to need to some to process everything and separate things... but I meant what I said. We are best friends more than anything else at this point. And I don’t want to lose that friendship”. You loved the message. I hoped you got the point and understood that I had no desire in speaking. I need time. That was 5 days ago and I still haven’t spoken to you so I think you got the message.

I hate that you are the way that you are. But like I said, I wouldn’t take it back. When we ended things for the breif few weeks in February, it never felt like it was over. It never felt like it was truly done because we would always wonder “what if.” But this is different. This kills me to say but it is. My walls are Down and I feel like I have the closure and clarity that I need to move on. Honestly this is the best breakup I’ve ever had because since I do have closure right off the bat, I’m hoping it won’t take as long to get over you. I love you connor, I really do. I just couldn’t be in love with you. That in itself breaks my heart. But I will survive because I have endured much worse. I know how to recover, I know my worth, and I know what I deserve will come to me one day when I am least expecting it. I am thankful for the things you taught me, the people you introduced me to, the fact that you lowkey turned me into a stoner, and for so so much more. I have a lot of love for you, even though I can’t stand to look at your face or see your name right now. I hope that our paths haven’t severed, and I hope that I will see you and continue that friendship when I am ready. But for now, I will focus on myself. I will keep off social media so that I won’t be tempted to be tracking your every move and I also will not be postin. This way, we can both get some distance we you can’t keep tabs on me. I think this is best, because then it will make you wonder what I’m doing, if you even still for a shit. That fact that I sent you a tweet over a week ago, you read it that say we broke up, and jus reacted to it tells me that it IS working. But please, I don’t need a reminder of your presence when it quite literally lives rent free in my head. A year ago today, exactly, was when we hooked up for the first time. So consider this my official goodbye. I love you connor and I wish you the best

I know that this story was so long and if nobody else reads it, at least I will remember. Next, I need to speak about Jacob’s part in the whole situation. This ones a doozy. I stg I should have my own reality show at this point... anyways, this took like 45 min and so it will be all for now. Talk tomorrow....