#I am 100% not an expert and if you consider me one I’m so sorry for your loss go read a book

[ctommyisnt]

Dude sexuality is so crazy like. I’m absolutely 100% bi and I consider myself bi and tell everyone im bi because I AM bi. It’s just how I feel! However I’m definitely (by the definitions of the terms) pan by technicality because it’s like, don’t care as much about the gender just ✨ people ✨ but I don’t consider myself pan in any means. It’s ALSO crazier because I don’t like the bi flag (not a fan of cool toned colors) and adore the pan flag but like. I’m not pan lmao ITS SO CONTRADICTORY I LOVE IT

[goodnightmemes]

ABIGAIL (2024) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ Fuck. That’s not part of the plan. ❜

❛ You grab me like that again, I may have to respond. ❜

❛ Y’all might want to hold on to something. It’s about to get real accelerated in this bitch. ❜

❛ You know the rules. No real names, no backstories, and keep the grabass to a minimum. ❜

❛ I’m like a expert at reading people. ❜

❛ Wow. You might be the least perceptive person I’ve ever met. ❜

❛ Crisp $100 bill, you can tell me one true thing about me. ❜

❛ You’ve basically got a fucking neon sign over your head that reads “muscle.” ❜

❛ That’s cheap, considering you come from money. ❜

❛ Don’t ever fuck with me. I will know. ❜

❛ Can you take the blindfold off? It’s really tight. ❜

❛ We’re keeping you here until your father gives us some money. ❜

❛ Do you know who my father is? ❜

❛ Can you promise me you’re not gonna let anybody hurt me? ❜

❛ I pinkie promise you that I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you. ❜

❛ I’m sorry about what’s gonna happen to you. ❜

❛ Oh, my God, you’re gonna be a real pain in my ass, aren’t you? ❜

❛ I don’t scare easy, so when I do, I pay attention. ❜

❛ I like you. You’re scary, though. ❜

❛ What’s going on? What’s going on is that we are fucked. ❜

❛ What if we just, like, you know, like, give her back and say sorry? ❜

❛ If seven million per person isn’t worth the risk, then what is? ❜

❛ Everyone stay alert. Any threat is gonna come from outside, so we set a perimeter and we hold it. ❜

❛ Hey, listen. I don’t trust any of these other fucks. So let’s watch each other’s backs. ❜

❛ His head fell off. ❜

❛ Why do you have a dick on your face? ❜

❛ It looks like a fucking wild animal ripped him apart. ❜

❛ I, for one, would like to revisit the cut-and-run idea. ❜

❛ This whole thing is a trap. ❜

❛ Can you pinkie promise me that you’re not keeping a secret? ❜

❛ We can take ’em. ❜

❛ We’re gonna get through this. ❜

❛ Why’d you do it? Bring us here to kill us. ❜

❛ I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, but you don’t sound very calm right now, Little Miss Paranoid, so forgive the precaution. ❜

❛ Wow. You got a lot going on up there,  but your brain’s not quite putting it together, huh? ❜

❛ You’re not as smart as you think you are. ❜

❛ Fucking put it down. I’d really prefer not to have to fucking shoot you. ❜

❛ We kidnapped a fucking vampire. ❜

❛ Someone has been messing with us ever since we got here. ❜

❛ We got to get out of here. There’s got to be another way. ❜

❛ Okay. What do we know about vampires? ❜

❛ What are we talking about, like Anne Rice or True Blood, you know, Twilight? Very different kind of vampires. ❜

❛ Okay, how do we kill a vampire? ❜

❛ Hey, we got a real fucking situation here. So I don’t give a shit what you think. Either you’re helping us, or you’re dead weight. Which is it? ❜

❛ There’s pool cues in the game room. Go sharpen ’em into stakes. ❜

❛ I’m not betting our lives on your fucking hunch. ❜

❛ All right, let’s go kill us a fuckin’… vampire. ❜

❛ You’re so bloody and so gross. ❜

❛ Oh, if you fucking say, “I told you so.” ❜

❛ Listen, you sit here and bleed, or you trust me. ❜

❛ Vampire on my ass! ❜

❛ I’ll kill you fucking fucks! I’ll rip your fucking heads off and gorge myself on your blood! ❜

❛ I’ve had a few centuries of experience. ❜

❛ Tell us how to get out of here, and we’ll let you go. ❜

❛ Hey, what’s gonna happen to me? Am I gonna turn into a vampire? ❜

❛ We would never have taken you if we knew who your father was. ❜

❛ Haven’t you wondered why I brought you all here? ❜

❛ If this is about revenge, why didn’t you just kill us? Why’d you bring us here? ❜

❛ What can I say? I like playing with my food. ❜

❛ If you touch that door, I will shoot you. ❜

❛ Fuck that shit. I’m not staying down here…with that. ❜

❛ Open the door, and I’ll let you keep all your blood. Oh. Organs, too. ❜

❛ Wait. A deal’s a deal. ❜

❛ Still gullible at your age, you fucking freak? ❜

❛ That’s why I took this job. With that money, I can start over, you know? ❜

❛ God, everybody’s got to be a fucking victim now. ❜

❛ Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hit a fucking nerve? ❜

❛ Fuck this job. ❜

❛ Fucking dream team. ❜

❛ You got any other bright ideas, Nosferatu? ❜

❛ Goddamn it. Why did you all listen to me? This isn’t gonna work. This is so fucking stupid. ❜

❛ You got people out there that you care about? ❜

❛ You and me. You’re my friend. ❜

❛ Lot of painful memories. But it’s never too late to make new ones. ❜

❛ I brought you back here to offer you a deal. ❜

❛ You fucking set me up. ❜

❛ You can die here, or you can help me kill [name]. ❜

❛ Yes, drink, and you’ll be one of us. ❜

❛ Our game ends here. ❜

❛ Well, well, well. Look who came to join the party. ❜

❛ Here’s the thing about being a vampire. It takes a long fucking time to learn how to do all the cool shit. ❜

❛ I came when you needed me. I’m here now. ❜

[doctorofmagic]

SOOOO about the DSIMOM trailer...

Apologies for not commenting on the MoM trailer earlier, the whole sh*t show broke loose just a few minutes prior to the trailer and I was in a very dark place to even watch it. I only did the next day and then started rewatching it over and over to look for references and cameos and easter eggs.

All I can say is, the leaks are all true if we compare them to the trailer. So I kinda know what to expect from it already?

Comic-wise, there isn’t much to add other than: Stephen sleeping naked (A+ *chef’s kiss*) and having nightmares (which could or could not be related to Nightmare himself), the dino thing is probably a reference to the Savage Land (but I’m not so sure), Shuma-Gorath, Rintrah and the Illuminati. (and well, if the leaks are true, a very special character for the post-credit scene)

Overall, it’s not a movie that will adapt anything from the comic books, that much I can say for sure. In fact, there’s more from What If...? than anything comic-related (if we, of course, ignore the fact that the tv show was inspired by a comic book series).

*sigh* This is the hardest part for me to elaborate because you just know her stans are infamous, so here comes nothing. I’m not comfortable with Wanda’s role AT ALL. Mostly because MCU!Wanda is just... Not what Wanda truly represents in comics. I’m not a Wanda expert but I read a lot about how Bendis’ portrayal of her character in House of M is harmful not only because she’s a WOC but also because that’s a really bad portrayal of mental illness in general. So yes. Most of MCU!Wanda stans are cheering and rooting for her to be this unhinged female villain and... Okay. But that’s not my cup of tea, I’m sorry.

On a side note, basically variants are an established thing in the MCU now. It’s not ~new~ as I once pointed on the Loki post (Kangs, Dooms and Reeds are the most common examples). But it has grown more popular after Loki.

Stephen dealt with his “variants” before, and I quote-unquote because they’re not really variants, they are constructs of artificial realities (such as Counter-Earth). So we will be surprised by his interaction with other variants.

There are 9509836093486034 problematic things behind the scenes and honestly I don’t have the energy nor I want to dissect any of that more than I already did. With that being said, I see that Stephen will end up corrupting himself for magic, and that makes me giggle a little, ngl. It’s an aspect of Stephen that I love. Don’t get me wrong, it’s painful to see him being corrupted, but it’s also part of his whole characterization: going to such lengths in order to save/control everything, abusing magic due to his arrogance AND expericing one of his most important traits - guilt. So yes. I’m 100% looking forward to it.

Oh, yes. The Illuminati. Not the group of men doing stupid things because of their arrogance I ideally would have in mind but hey, there’s Patrick Stewart’s Xavier! And yes, X-men movies are my guilty pleasure from childhood. I’m not going to expect other former FOX characters to appear because I already know the five members of this group. But who knows? People are begging for Reed to appear, and I’d love that because, although Victor is....... not it, the FF are not that bad, all things considered. And I’m dying for a good FF movie so yes. Let me dream a bit.

Am I really happy about the plot? No. Am I mad at the plot? No. Would I rather have Scott Derrickson adapting a movie involving Nightmare and exploring Stephen’s traumas and fears? Yes. But we cannot have it all, can we? Am I hyped? Maybe, my mood is iffy so I’m not a very reliable source atm, and I don’t want to ruin people’s experiences so I dunno, I’m just sharing my thoughts. One thing is true, though. I’ll try and watch it asap. Because I am, for better or worse, a Marvel worm. And I’ll consume anything they throw at me.

Also I need Waldron to stop writing for Marvel, if the rumors that Benedict had to co-direct the movie in order to make it about Stephen are true.

Lastly... I dunno what kind of magic is this but Stephen in this movie is just so HHHHHHHH. It’s a first for me, so it’s a big deal :’)

Aaaand that’s it.

PS: Mr. Knight, please return my calls. I miss you.

PS²: MK’s moon-shaped cape, I love you.

[princealberich]

GENSHIN IMPACT NAME MEANINGS - MONDSTADT

I wanna preface this by saying that I am by NO MEANS an expert in languages! I’m fluent in English, and that’s it- I’m just very interested in name symbolism!

That being said- it appears that all the Mondstadt names are, in fact, canonically English- Most of the Chinese names translate directly back to their English counterpart 1 to 1. Despite this, I included any possible meaning in their Chinese names, just in case!

AETHER (ENG): A Greek God, the personification of the “Upper Sky”. Represents the air that the Gods breathe, rather than the air of mortals.

KONG 空 (CH): Empty, hollow, in vain, sky, air, free, spare time, free time.

SORA 空 (JP): Sky.

Notes: Definitely a correlation to the sky- With the Chinese translation, could be ‘Empty Sky’.

LUMINE (ENG): To light up, to illuminate.

YING 荧 (CH): Fluorescent, amazing, glimmering.

HOTARU 蛍 (JP): Firefly.

Notes: All linked to light. Could represent the light to Aether’s sky? The light that it’s missing?

PAIMON: An obedient king of Hell under Lucifer’s reign in “The Lesser Key of Solomon”, a book on demonology written mid-1700′s. He has 100-200 legions of demons and wears ‘a precious crown’.

“Teaches all arts, philosophy and sciences, and secret things; he can reveal all mysteries of the Earth, wind and water, what the mind is, and everything the conjurer wants to know, gives good familiars, dignities and confirms them, binds men to the conjurer's will.”

“If Paimon is cited alone, some offering or sacrifice must be done, and he will accept it; then two kings called Beball (Bebal or Labal) and Abalam (Abalim) will go to him together.”

Notes: ...I’m not saying that Paimon is the unknown God, but. Well. Also, Paimon’s name appears to be universal.

KAEYA (ENG): A feminine Indian name meaning ‘Monsoon Flower’. However, it’s also a phonetic translation of his original Chinese name.

KAIYA 凯亚 (CHI): This isn’t a name in any databases. 凯 (Kai) means ‘Triumphant’, while 亚 (Ya) means ‘Inferior, second’.

GAIA ガイア (JP): Pretty much another translation, though in Japanese, it can be loosely translated to ‘Victory song’.

Notes: This is a difficult one. Unless anyone else has a better grasp on languages and understands it, please let me know! However, it may allude to his and Diluc’s fight... Somehow. Triumphant second son, maybe?

AMBER (ENG): Fossilized tree resin. However, it’s also phonetically similar to the original name.

ANBO 安柏 (CHI): Again, this doesn’t seem to be a direct name. 安 (An) means “peace/quiet”, while 柏 (Bai) means “cypress tree/cedar”. Together it may mean a peaceful tree, but it could also just be a recreation of the English name ‘Amber’, due to their similarities.

ANBA アンバー (JP): Translates directly to ‘Amber’.

Notes: It’s at this point that I, a man who can only speak and read English, have made a mistake in doing this. I think her name really is just ‘Amber’, though.

LISA (ENG): ‘Devoted to God/Oath from God’.

LISHA 丽莎 (CH): 丽 means ‘Beautiful’, but this is pretty much just a direct translation of ‘Lisa’.

RISA リサ  (JP): Translates directly to ‘Lisa’.

Notes: Her name is Lisa. Her name is just Lisa.

DILUC (ENG): I couldn’t find any names here, let alone meanings.

DILUKE 迪卢克 (CH): 迪 means ‘To enlighten’, 卢 means... ‘Old Rice Vessel’? I’m not sure. 克 can be translated to the name of the Seventh of the Legendary Flame Emperors.

DIRRUKU ディルック (JP): Appears to be yet another phonetic translation of his name.

Notes: Genuinely cannot find anything non-genshin related to the name Diluc. Maybe the Flame Emperor thing is intentional, given he’s a Pyro user?

Edit: Anon brought up that his name is likely taken from the latin word ‘Diluculum’, which means ‘Twilight’. Similarly, ‘Crepus’, his father’s name, translates to ‘Dusk’.

JEAN (ENG): ‘God is gracious’. Apparently, it’s of Medieval Scottish/English origin!

QIN 琴 (CH): Refers to the qin, a 7-stringed Chinese zither. “There are 3 category sounds produced by the Chinese Zither. Harmonics represents the sound from the heaven. Open strings represents the sound from the earth. Stopped strings represents the human beings.”

JIN ジン (JP): An actual Japanese name, most translations point to ‘human’ interpretations!

Notes: I’d wager that her name is meant to represent her humanity and love for Mondstadt, if it’s not just a translation.

BARBARA (ENG): Linked to Saint Barbara, whom was killed by her father. She’s the patron of architects, geologists, artillarymen and stonemasons. Very heavy religious connotations- It’s also worth noting the similarities to the name ‘Barbatos’, though.

BABALA 芭芭拉 (CH): Considering the repeat phonetic, I’m fairly sure this is just a recreation of the name ‘Barbara’.

BABARA バーバラ (JP): Translates directly to ‘Barbara’.

Notes: Just Barbara. She’s just Barbara.

BENNETT (ENG): “Blessed little one”, or a derivative of Benedict.

BANNITE 班尼特 (CH): Pretty much a direct translation of ‘Bennett’.

BENETTO ベネット (JP): Translates directly to ‘Bennett’.

Notes: baby boy

DIONA (ENG): A variant of “Dione”, from Greek mythology. Said to be the mother of Aphrodite, and means “From the Sacred Spring”... Possibly referring to the event in Diona’s backstory, in which she was granted her bartending talent by a ‘Spring Fairy’ that she befriended.

DIAONA 迪奥娜 (CH): Translation of Diona.

DIONA ディオナ (JP): Same as above.

Notes: If you want to know more about that, see Diona’s lv5 story!

FISCHL (ENG): A German surname meaning “Dweller at the sign of the little fish; the little dealer in fish.”

FEIXIEER 菲谢尔 (CH): Translates to “Fischer”, which is a similar German surname.

FISSHURU フィッシュル (JP): Translation.

Notes: “Prinzessin der Verurteilung” Translates to “Princess of Condemnation”. “Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort” Translates to “Fischl from Narfidort Castle in the air”. I know this isn’t her real name, but I don’t want to spoil anyone, so I can do that separately.

VENTI (ENG): ...It’s a starbucks drink? But it also means ‘Twenty’ in Italian.

WENDI 温迪 (CH): Translates directly to “Wendy”, which... Might be a reference to ‘windy’? 温 translates to ‘Temperature’, while 迪 has no real word translation. ‘Wendy’ as an English name was popularized by Peter Pan! I wonder if that has anything to do with Venti’s eternally youthful appearance?

WENTI ウェンティ (JP): Translation.

Notes: “In demonology, Barbatos is an earl and duke of Hell, ruling thirty legions of demons and has four kings as his companions to command his legions. His name derives from Latin barbatus, meaning ‘bearded, old man, philosopher’.” Okay... That sure ain’t him.

On another note, maybe the English translation changed ‘Wendy’ to ‘Venti’ because it’s a traditionally feminine name.

Edit: @silver-dust-12​ pointed out that ‘Venti’ means ‘winds’ in latin!

ALBEDO (ENG): Not actually a name. However, it IS a word. ‘The proportion of the incident light or radiation that is reflected by a surface, typically that of a planet or moon.’

On another note, in alchemy, it has a specific definition. Taken from wikipedia:

“In alchemy, albedo is one of the four major stages of the magnum opus, along with nigredo, citrinitas and rubedo. It is a Latinicized term meaning "whiteness". Following the chaos or massa confusa of the nigredo stage, the alchemist undertakes a purification in albedo, which is literally referred to as ablutio – the washing away of impurities. This phase is concerned with "bringing light and clarity to the prima materia (personal material)".

The albedo is the second stage of alchemy. In this process, the subject is divided into two opposing principles to be later coagulated to form a unity of opposites or coincidentia oppositorum during rubedo.

Alchemists also applied it to an individual's soul after the first phase is completed, which entailed the decay of matter.”

ABEIDUO 阿贝多 (CH): Translation of ‘Albedo’.

ARUBEDO アルベド (JP): Translation of ‘Albedo’.

Note: Interestingly, his is the only name so far that is a pre-existing word... Apart from the Travelers’.

KLEE (ENG): A German surname that means ‘Clover’. Likely related to her clover symbolism!

KELI 可莉 (CH): This only brought back Genshin results, so... Pretty sure it’s just a translation of ‘Klee’.

KURE クレー (JP): Near certain this is another translation.

Note: I’d say the English is what it’s meant to be, here!

MONA (ENG): Means ‘Noble and Aristocratic’, which is pretty fitting.

MONA 莫娜 (CH): Translates to ‘Mona’.

MONA モナ (JP): Translates to ‘Mona’.

Notes: Easy one!

NOELLE (ENG): ‘Christmas’, or ‘Birth’. She was born in March, though...

NUOAIER 诺艾尔 (CH): Translates to ‘Noelle’. 诺 means ‘Promise’.

NOERU ノエル (JP): Translates to ‘Noel’, the masculine form of the name.

Notes: I find it a little weird that this is her name? But it could be due to the name’s involvement in religious texts. Also those roses look like shrek’s ears

RAZOR (ENG): “An instrument with a sharp blade or set of blades.” Another word name, fitting considering he wasn’t raised by humans.

LEIZE 雷泽 (CH): Almost a translation of ‘Razor’. Can’t find anything else.

REZA レザー (JP): Translates to ‘Leather’.

Notes: I mean, pretty self explanatory. Wolf boy.

SUCROSE (ENG): “A compound which is the chief component of cane or beet sugar.” Word name, again!

SHATANG 砂糖 (CH): Translates to ‘Granulated sugar’. Literally the Chinese word for sugar.

SUKUROOSU スクロース (JP): Translates to ‘Sucrose’.

Notes: Definitely compared to sugar... Which is cute :)

---

And that’s all of the currently released Mondstadt characters! I’ll follow this up with a Liyue post soon. sorry for how long it got, so remember to tag as ‘long post’ for your followers’ convenience!

[janiedean]

@seethemflying I think Sansa is in the next bracket down of important characters (with Jaime). In the outline, they weren't named as one of the big five, but in the process of writing have grown more important. No way is Sansa's ending going to be anything like Show Sansa's, though (and same with Jaime tbh).

agreed but lemme take a second from cramming to rant about this because I honestly have An Issue

in the sense: I 100% agree that both jaime and sansa are next bracket/secondary main (speaking as someone whose top five is made by ppl who are either secondary main or tertiary main if they have a pov like.... I'm not gonna argue that theon is a main fiver bc he's in my top three) but like what I can't deal with is the following as in that the main five are the main five bc they have in between them all the main themes george wants to tackle + the main plot stuff except for the 'romance is my #1 sense of existing in the plot', as in:

jon is azor ahai + has the chosen one deconstruction trope going on + most likely has the 'I never wanted to be Important™/have a throne but I'll have to for duty' ending + identity arc ie if he's not jon snow first of his name i'm eating my hat

dany has the dragons + the targ ancestry deal + 'I thought I wanted to rule but actually I don't I just want to help ppl' storyline (which is the hill i'm dying on)

bran has the oH WAIT fisher king deconstruction going on + the magic™ storyline + he's most likely kitn + he's tied to uh the literal rebirth of the continent so + how to deal with disability storyline

arya has the I NEED TO REALIZE WHO I AM storyline + the learning to be yourself as a gnc woman storyline + revenge is shit storyline + I'll become a skilled assassin and choose not to act on it unless absolutely necessary storyline + trauma/ptsd storyline tied to losing your own identity

tyrion has the shakesperean hero thing going on as in I have to make peace with the fact that I killed my father/did mistakes + overcoming the societal issues/problems/the prejudice most ppl have for him that’s caused by his disability storyline + he's the only one of these five who doesn't have any magical stuff in his background/only has his brain to rely on + overcoming his family's legacy and making it better storyline

now: a bunch of other minor/secondary characters have all of this (I mean idk theon and jaime have identity + learning to deal with/overcoming societal scorn given by them being disabled/having become disabled in various ways + ptsd, brienne has the gnc woman thing etc) but like each single one of these characters only lacks the OH I HAVE A BIGASS GREAT ROMANCE WITH MY BACKGROUND (I mean gendry exists to be arya's LI but idt it's gonna be important in her future storyline the way it'll be in brienne's to say one).. which oh wait SANSA JAIME AND BRIENNE HAVE, because guess what that's the next secondary bracket where those three characters have it as a main part of the story which is exempt from the politics angle (bc none of them is tied to the iron trap by the plot no none of them jaime doesn't want it, brienne isn't a contender and sansa was supposed to be queen in the beginning so she's obviously not going to be that later no not even qitn that's gonna be bran) and here falls the entire shebang because what half of this fandom doesn't seem to get is that *drumroll* george's favorite angle to tackle when it comes to romance is... THAT EXTERNAL BEAUTY IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING AT IN PEOPLE AT THE END OF IT AND GUESS WHAT THAT'S THE MAIN POINT OF ALL OF THEM PLUS THE KNIGHTHOOD DECONSTRUCTION THING and with that I mean:

not counting that sansa's reaction to trauma is written to be specular and opposite to arya's as in arya tends to lose sight of herself/becomes someone else/resorts to violence to survive sansa never loses track of herself/her innate kindness which... is smth I wish dnd remembered, the thing is: sansa is presented in the beginning as 'i'm a twelve year old with all the issues with shallowness a 12yo brought up like me can have and everything I want from life is a good love story', which... guess what she's 100% going to get except

characters need to have an evolution, if sansa wants a handsome pretty guy who'll make her queen in the beginning and she has to realize joffrey was The Worst, do we really think her endgame is being queen of a handsome nice king when her entire schtick is liking songs about knights and wanting true love and someone gentle and brave blah blah? no, and that's exceedingly obvious when the text throws at you in the face that her only two actually viable choices for LI - sandor and tyrion - are.. guys who are either disfigured or disabled or traumatized or all three of them but are actually good people and she has to learn to see beyond looks, and no one else fits that bill period - sansa isn't getting with a pretty guy who'll make her queen, sansa will find love with a guy who's nowhere near pretty or handsome but will love her for who she is and that she will see the good behind the not-handsomeness dot and she'll prob go back north with him and be happy advising bran bc she learned stuff in court at most and I'm dying on that hill, bc again the entire point of her sl is having the nice good love story where she sees beyond external beauty which has been clear from page five of her first pov imvho

never mind that again she wants to be a queen in the beginning and then she realizes it's shit so why would she be one in the end? like not to be that asshole but george isn't exactly pro monarchy and it's obvious he's not going to paint it as an inherently positive thing

this attaches back to the fact that there's a whole knighthood deconstruction happening for which sansa has to realize that the gallant/true knights are not the ones who seem that/look like it/flaunt it around

which brings us to the fact that oh wait sandor and jaime in themselves are true knights in spite of the fact that sandor refuses to even consider himself one and jaime thinks he fucked it up and no one sees them as such

and that the truest knight in westeros who will get recognized as such is brienne

who doesn't look standard hot either

and has the love story with jaime right on page

and jaime also has the love story right on page where he has to realize he's into people that aren't c. especially brienne and so on which is what's happening right now like jb recognizing themselves as true knights™ is part of their whole thing like... it's... important

(this counting that san/san is beauty and the beast played straight with sansa as the beauty while jb is the same trope except reversed on itself five times because both j and b are both of them)

and this would also like make utter sense if oh, wait, jb weren't in the riverlands where sandor also is and if oh wait who has sworn a vow to find sansa like again I'm dying on the hill that brienne kills stoneheart, they go on the quiet isle to recover, sandor is like AH YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SANSA and sansa gets rescued in the vale by the only three true knights in these series including the one that's her actual love interest at least the way I see it and where do you think that's going to end yeah exactly

as in: she'll have the umpteenth proof that all the true knights in these books don't look like the songs and she'll get the one she wanted

(also brienne is way more like sansa than arya in personality so like... parallelism of two girls into romantic stuff getting with the guys they like? except that for b. it's relevant bc she's ugly and she gets with hot guy who's into her and for s. it's relevant bc she's hot and she goes with guy-everyone-considers-a-lost-cause showing that they're not exactly a lost cause)

like sansa is there to a) have half of the main love story plot b) as the resident song expert witness what knighthood actually means, jaime is the resident person doing things for love and finding ways to do it that aren't toxic/finds someone who'll actually love him and not what he represents, brienne is the resident 'I never thought anyone would be into me and I'm pursuing my dreams without a shred of hope they'll go well' and she gets all of that and sandor is there to be sansa's LI and to tell ppl that you can go to rehab and have a decent life even if you were used and abused to hell and back (jaime too tbh) and like none of that has to do with the iron trap, the magic, the zombies and whatnot but it's okay because it's their point in the plot and is2g I just wish people would take characters for what they represent instead of shoehorning them into others's themes/stories just because it's what they want for them, the end

(I could rant about the third bracket of characters ie theon & co & getting over trauma/ptsd without the Love Story™ but I have to get back to study if I wanna fill some prompts later so it's not gonna happen for now but... sorry for the rant I'm just really tired of the whole sansastark will get the iron trap and the north and be the ymbq and get with a guy that looks good for her depending on what we ship not considering the overall reaching plot or her book plot and everyone else will have zero relevance in the story because we said so especially when it means giving all of that to a character who is uh not belonging to any of the categories represented by the main five which are actually kiiindaaaa relevant rep but I'mma just gonna shut up here)

[eliemo]

u dont have to answer this ofc and dont bother answering if its wrong (sorry) but i was just wondering if ur trans? and if so have u been on T? im a young ftm and im considering starting testosterone but im asking for advice,, sorry to do this online but i dont have anyone to ask irl,, again u dont have to answer sorry

So to start, yes I am trans. I'm more comfortable identifying as nonbinary or a demiboy than strictly male, but I do have dysphoria, I bind, and I don't identify with my assigned gender at birth.

I have not been on T, and I don't think I plan to. That decision could change, but it doesn't make me any less trans or any less valid in my identity, and the same goes to you.

If you want to start testosterone then that's great! Go for it! If it's what you want I 100% recommend it. But I think my only advice would be to make sure you're doing it for you, your gender presentation, and not to meet society's expectations of a man. You're a man no matter what.

Starting T can be amazing, I've seen it change the lives of so many people for the better. But I've also seen a lot of trans men go their whole lives without it, and they're just as valid as the ones who do.

I'm not an expert at all, I'm mostly just rambling about what I've seen and my own experience since coming out and exploring my gender. You're gonna be a handsome man no matter what you choose to do, whether that's to go on T or not, or get top surgery or not. Nothing's gonna change the fact that you're a man, so don't let people tell you otherwise.

[honeypirate]

Hey! If it's okay with you, could you make something about All Might with a gf who's a little on the chubbier side, and she feels a little bad about it so he tries to make her feel better? Thank you and I hope you have a nice day/ night! ✨🐹

Hey I hope you like this! I kind of went hard because I relate lol but anyway and since it wasn’t specified as hero form all might I went with true form all might.

If anyone is having hard days with body image or otherwise and has no one to talk to, my messages are always open! I will understand and hear you and give you space to feel everything you feel without being judged or mocked! I love you!

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

God you hated days like these. Days where you wake up and you’re aware of every little crease and crevice of your skin, where you can’t help but avoid looking at yourself in the mirror.  Getting ready for work meant making sure you only looked at your face, putting on clothing you already know looks good and just trusting that it still did, and avoiding the full length mirror in your bedroom and the one in the hallway. You didn’t feel like this always, you just had random bad days, so you didn’t feel like talking about it every time it happened. Most of the people close to you don’t even know you feel like this.

Your quirk was healing related and you worked as a personal on call doctor for heroes and the public, that’s how you met All Might. He came into your office one day for a second opinion on his health issues, which at the time you didn’t know was him, he presented you with facts about the patient and you gave him the same answer as the rest of the experts he asked. He was considering making you his regular doctor, but ultimately he didn’t change his doctor and instead asked you to dinner. Which in a way he did make you his personal doctor when you fell in love with each other…

You got a call from UA and groaned after you hung up, you were already having a tough day when you were called to heal several beautiful and fit heroes already, now you’re going to the school where one of the sexiest heroes the world knew worked. Your self esteem was low as ever, the only thing that makes you move forwards is the chance to see the one man who always cheered you up.

When you get to the school the one person you were hoping to avoid was the one to greet you “hey Midnight, where am I needed” you say through a forced smile. She was an amazing person and you always loved to talk to her whenever you had the chance, but today it was hard to not notice how perfect her body was and how it was shown off with her hero outfit. “Thank you for coming so quickly, Recovery Girl is out for the day so you’re a lifesaver. A couple students got into a fight, it’s not bad enough for a hospital but does require a doctor” you nod and swallow hard as you notice her thighs and flat belly, two parts of you that have extra fat and the ones that you’re struggling with today. You push the thoughts from your mind, suddenly more aware of the tightness of your skirt on your butt and belly.

You head to the restroom after doing your job and look at yourself in the mirror sideways, raising your arm up as you pick yourself apart. “Damn” you whisper before washing your hands and sighing as you open the door.

“Knock knock” you say as you stop in the doorway of his classroom “hey sweetheart!” He says and pushes back from his desk and comes over to you, pulling you into his arms. You should be focused on how good he smells with your face on his neck but you can’t fake it with him. You instead place your forehead on his chest and frown.

He feels that something’s wrong, you’re quiet and not your usual bright self. His hands move up and down your back softly and he kicks his door closed behind you. “Baby what’s wrong?” He asks and you feel your eyes burn as you screw them shut. “Just having a hard day” you voice showing how hard you were forcing yourself not to cry. “Will you tell me about it?” He feels your tears through the front of his shirt, his stomach sinking and his heart breaking. He hates seeing you sad.

 “You’ll think that I’m dumb” you whisper, your voice shaking. “Impossible” he says softly and runs his fingers through your hair. You took a deep shaky breath and tilted your head so your mouth wasn’t pressed against him, so he would hear you as you spoke, so you wouldn’t have to say it twice because you’ll know it’ll hurt when you say it. 

“I just feel like I take up too much space. I’ve healed many wonderful beautiful heroes today and I can’t stop thinking about how I don’t even compare to them because of how different my body is. I have extra fat and skin on my body, more than others and I feel lesser for that. I feel so ugly and it hurts. I feel like I should apologize for not being better. for not being more fit. For choosing to enjoy food instead of being skinny. And usually I can see that I’m pretty and that’s what hurts the most, thinking and convincing myself that I’ve just been stupid by believing I am enough with this gross body.” your hands pull at your stomach as you talk, you next words barely audible to him “and I’m afraid that you’ll want to leave me for someone with a better body, one with a flat stomach and skinny thighs and butt, that you’ll one day realize that I’m not sexy and fall out of love with me”

He held his breath as you spoke, his hands stopping their movement on your back, his heart breaking for you, it kills him to hear you so completely defeated. He lets out the breath he was holding and pulls you tighter against his chest “y/n, my angel, I’m so sorry you feel like this. Thank you for trusting me and telling me how you’re feeling.” He leans back and takes your cheeks in his hands, wiping your tears from your cheeks and kissing your forehead before looking back into your eyes. “I love your body because you’re in it and I love you.” You feel your heart flutter at his words, your hands coming up to hold his wrists as he holds your cheeks, looking deep into your eyes as he continues “I understand where you’re coming from my love, but fat isn’t a bad thing and your body isn’t all that you are. I know how easy it is to define ourselves based on physical appearance and prioritize that over our other qualities of who we are but as I said, your body isn’t all you are. Body shapes mean nothing in the long run. What does mean the most in the long run is the way you trust me, the way we communicate, the way you wave at every dog you see, the way you tie your hair up on lazy sundays when we cook breakfast together, that little dance you do when we get ice cream, the way you truly care about everyone you meet, and your cheesecake recipe because that has truly changed my life” you chuckle softly and he smiles at you, his thumbs brushing against your cheeks “ and for the record, I love your belly. I think it’s cute and I love to lay my head on it. And your ass and thighs'' he moans “sometimes I can’t stop staring at them because of how much i love them. You are so incredibly sexy, intelligent, and sweet. God baby I could make a list 500 miles long about everything I love about you. Trust me when I say you are exactly what I need and want and love, body and all, Forever”

Tears are falling from your eyes again, sweet happy tears this time, your heart overflowing with love for this man, and feeling so much better, not completely okay but you definitely wouldn’t have many more issues today. “Yagi” you whisper “I love you so much” he kisses your lips softly “to me, you are perfect. I can’t imagine a life without you by my side” you nod gently in his grasp “thank you. I’m so lucky to have you” he shakes his head “I think you have that opposite. I’m definitely the lucky one in this relationship. You always are there for me and you have my back through all my hard days. I will always have your back on your bad days. That’s what partners do. That’s what you do when you truly love someone.” You wrap your arms around his back and he lets go of your cheeks as you bury your face in his neck and hold him tight “how about I cook dinner tonight and we can cuddle and watch a movie” he says as you kiss his neck, “sounds like heaven to me” you whisper and he chuckles “everyday is heaven for me because my partner is an angel” you blush and chuckle “an angel is a fitting partner for the symbol of peace” he chuckles and you pull back to smile up at him “are you feeling better my love?” He asks and you nod “thank you Yagi, you have no idea how much you truly mean to me. I love you so much” he kisses your forehead again as his class door opens and students start to come in. “Call me after your class?” You ask and he nods leaning in to whisper in your ear “I love you y/n. I’ll always be here for you”

You didn’t feel 100%, but you did feel significantly better about yourself. It’s easy to get in your head and think yourself in circles until you feel like you’re gonna die. You felt grateful to have someone you felt safe to talk about things with, even if you convince yourself that you’re just being stupid, it’s a blessing to have someone you can talk to without be afraid that they will judge you or laugh. You felt lighter for sure as you finished out your work day and when you walked inside your apartment you looked at yourself in the mirror at the end of the hall and smiled, truly smiled, as you saw everything that Toshinori loved instead of everything the world doesn’t.

[celticcrossanon]

“would they be shocking, or would they be considered ‘standard (if shady) American business practise’”

(American here) It depends on how you look at it. There are 3 ways Meghan’s finances, including Archewell, could be considered shady or troublesome. I’ll try to keep it short as I’m not a financial expert and don’t know the specifics of Meghan’s issues.

Issue #1: her charities and corporations, including Archewell if I am not mistaken, are registered and incorporated in the state of Delaware. Delaware has some of the loosest laws, allowing the most flexibility lies, so tons of people register their charities in Delaware. Delaware requires only one director per nonprofit (most require around 3) and there are very few regulatory statutes (for instance few meeting requirements, no approval for real estate transactions, and the attorney general doesn’t review corporate transactions). Meaning that with her nonprofits registered and incorporated in Delaware, Meghan can pretty much do whatever she wants, within law, as there is very little oversight.

Issue #2: Taxes - this one had multiple parts. The US government loves taxes and will always come collecting what it is due. And here, the tax laws are some of the most powerful and most stringent laws we have on the books. Case in point: the US govt was able to bring the mob bosses down, including Al Capone, not because of violent crimes but because of taxes. So please trust me when I say the US govt will get their due when it comes to taxes.

Part A: Meghan had a few tax issues with the IRS in the past (I don’t know the specifics, sorry - either bankruptcy or she was late filing). She is a famous person who is always in the news. And not only is she in the news, but so are all of her deals and how much money she is purportedly earning. The IRS will be paying attention to make sure they get their part of these deals.

Part B: Harry - a member of the British royal family who at one time was receiving funds from said royal family to support their lifestyle - lives in the US. He and Meghan will have to report any wealth earned or given to them over a certain amount to the IRS. I think it’s $15K. Meaning any money Charles has given them probably has to be declared, especially if any was given to Meghan. The BRF is notoriously very private about the true extent of their wealth and holdings. It is thought that because Meghan, an American, married into the family and now lives with Harry in the US, the IRS and the US govt are going to use Meghan’s taxes to understand the real BRF wealth and finances, which could blow the lid wide open on the BRF’s own financial dealings. (The law has recently changed such that the IRS is no longer able to provide tax filings or records to third parties without the owner’s consent so there is some safety there. Not even FOIA can get around this new law, I don’t think.) (And because of this I think Charles set up some kind of trust fund for Harry to draw from to get around the gift taxes and Meghan doesn’t get a single penny of it.)

Part C (and this one is important for Issue #3 below) in the US, nonprofit organizations are exempt from paying federal taxes. So as a nonprofit incorporated in Delaware, Archewell doesn’t pay any federal taxes so pretty much much any money that is donated to Archewell isn’t really “tracked” for tax purposes. And in the US, charity donations can be used as tax deductions. So if Meghan or one of her friends made a big donation to Archewell, not only does Archewell not have to report it, the donor gets to deduct it from their taxes (which lowers the amount they owe the govt and increases their return/payout from the govt if they are found to have overpaid through their salary deductions - I can only make small personal donations like $100 at a time so I don’t know what the rules are for big donations or corporate donations are.)

Issue #3: in the US, the minimum a nonprofit is mandated and required to give to charity is 5% of any money fundraised or earned. The nonprofit can keep the remaining 95% for themselves, usually as “administrative overhead.” Meaning that if Archewell received a donation of $100,000 then Meghan is only required to give $5,000 of that money away to another charity or to the community that Archewell supports and she can put the remaining $95,500 in her pocket as her salary for being Archewell’s executive director. Archewell doesn’t have to report that donation but Meghan does have to report that salary. So to avoid that, she could get an expense/corporate account for Archewell and charge her personal costs to that corporate account as “administrative overhead” (THAT IS SPECULATION ONLY). That is how some people, including celebrities, have been caught and charged with fraud.

Again, I’m not an expert on taxes, nonprofits, or other financial matters so please take what i have written with a grain of salt. This is only what i know from reading the major newspapers and being involved in charity fundraising drives.

Thank you so much for typing this all out and sending it in. I don’t know how you got around the character limit on the ask box, but thank you!

<3 <3 <3

[greyhavensking]

100 Followers Celebration!

God, I’m late with this, but I finally passed the 100 follower milestone and I wanted to do something for it to show my appreciation. That something turned out to be almost 3000 words of emotional hurt/comfort and dumb boys in love, so I hope someone enjoys it.

I can’t even express how grateful I am to have (over!!!) 100 people think I’m worthy of following when mostly I just reblog other people’s posts and scream in the tags, but this is me trying to get the point across. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the people who continue to tolerate my bullshit and occasionally encourage my sad stucky edits and my angsty fluff fanfics. You’re all amazing and wonderful people!

Also cross-posted on Ao3 here.

you left your mark on me like footprints in the snow

“Buck, you awake?”

It’s sort of a moot point, seeing as Bucky — light sleeper that he is — would have woken up the second Steve stepped across the threshold of the living room, but he feels compelled to ask nonetheless. His ma was a stickler for courtesy, especially when it didn’t cost anyone a dime, and while he can’t quite manage to defer to politeness when it comes to aggravating superiors, it comes easy as breathing with most everyone else.

Bucky isn’t everyone else, and half the time Steve doesn’t bother filtering himself around him, but tonight—

Tonight’s a bad night.

But it’s not Bucky’s night for a change.

As Steve pauses at the back of the couch, arms crossed and head ducked, he sees Bucky smoothly push himself up into a sitting position from where he was stretched across the cushions, rolling his shoulders back as he scrubs his flesh and blood hand over his face. He was awake, judging by the dog-eared book he lets slide to the floor; Steve can’t make out the cover from this angle, but he’d bet anything it’s one of those YA novels Sam recommended to him that he refuses to thank Sam for. Something about Greek gods and terribly unlucky teenagers. Steve doesn’t go for fantasy often, but he knows Bucky’s been plowing through the series for the last few weeks.

“I’m always awake,” Bucky says once he’s gotten a good look at Steve, despite Steve’s best efforts to tuck all the visible hurt away behind an admittedly shaky smile. He’s joking, mostly — when Bucky first came home, he rarely got more than an hour or two of sleep before some imagined threat had him prowling the confines of the apartment, checking and rechecking the locks and the security system. Nowadays his sleepless nights are still disturbingly frequent, but not every night, and he can usually pass them by reading or watching whatever he finds most interesting on TV. 

Bucky quirks a brow when Steve remains silent, tilting his head. Assessing. “You, though,” he continues as if he hadn’t paused at all, “you should be dead to the world, Rogers. Sawing logs, or whatever it is they say when you snore louder than a damn foghorn.”

“I don’t — I don’t snore,” Steve bites out, reflexive, which just gets Bucky’s other brow jumping up to join the first.

“So it’s one of those nights, huh.” Bucky nods to himself, twisting around on the couch to lean back against the armrest, legs spread invitingly. He pats the space between his thighs. “Good thing I’m a certified Steve Rogers expert and know exactly what you need.”

Steve considers refuting that claim, but he can’t bring himself to bother with it. A flare of indignation does pulse under his skin (he hates the idea that he needs to be managed), though it peters out just as quickly as it came, taking with it the last shred of warmth Steve’s been clinging to since he slipped out from beneath his bed covers. Bucky’s right, anyway; this is what Steve needs, something they’ve pieced together in the months after Bucky felt safe enough to put himself back into Steve’s orbit.

Rubbing briskly at his upper arms, more for something to do with his hands than any hope of warming himself up, Steve hesitates another moment before he sighs and climbs over the back of the couch to crawl in between Bucky’s legs. Bucky wraps his arms around Steve’s waist instantly, tugging him until his back is flush with Bucky’s chest. He noses at the nape of Steve’s neck, presses a kiss there that has a delightful shiver rippling down Steve’s spine, then wedges his chin into the space between neck and shoulder.

“What’s the threat level with this one?” Bucky asks quietly. Threat level is their established short-hand for how bad a nightmare was, what kind of toll it took on them. It’s easier getting that out than something like I woke up crying reaching for you can’t get my heart to calm down can’t breathe woke up alone and had to bite back a scream, and Steve can admit that Bucky’s nothing short of a goddamn genius for giving Steve a way to explain without explaining. 

“‘Bout a seven,” Steve says, which means it’s closer to a nine than he’d like. He can still feel the phantom chill of wind and snow on his face, the ice-clogged water in his lungs, arms outstretched but grasping at nothing nothing nothing. Bucky’s face, frozen over and glassy-eyed. No air, no breath, no life in either of them — but Steve, undead, trapped below the ice, forced to watch it all play out on repeat—

“Uh-huh. Seven. Sure, I’ll go with that for now.” Bucky’s voice is right against his ear, his breath warm, the solid weight of him so very real that Steve shudders again, leaning into him even though there’s hardly space left between them to close. “You need me to do anything extra special?”

Steve shakes his head, then pauses, reconsiders. “Keep talking?” 

His nightmares are — strange. They’re quiet, mostly, unless they involve the train, and then it’s the clack-clack-clack of the tracks, the high-pitched whistling of the wind, his own desperate screams. But when it’s the ice… it’s almost silent. Like an old film, the reels spinning on soundlessly around him. Colors are muted, too, shades of gray and blue and the occasional vibrant streak of red that could be blood, could be his suit, could be the afterimage of staring too long into a bright light. 

Bucky huffs a laugh and tightens his arms around Steve, and in return Steve shifts to lay his hands over Bucky’s skin, one sliding along his forearm, the other reaching down to slip under the hem of Bucky’s shorts. He’d grab the metal arm (it doesn’t bother him, and it’s body temperature from being tucked under Bucky on the couch) but he needs skin right now, and he knows Bucky doesn’t begrudge him it.

“Talking,” Bucky murmurs. “You gotta pick the one thing I’m no good at anymore, don’t ya. No, no, don’t start,” he says, reading the tensing of Steve’s body all too well, and Steve slumps back into his hold, caught out. “I’m not sayin’ I won’t do it, and I’m not gettin’ all self-deprecating on you, either. Words are hard, sweetheart, you know that.”

“Sorry, Buck. We can just put the TV on, or—”

“I said it’s fine, Rogers. Relax. I’m not in the habit of doing things I don’t want to these days, even for you, which is a goddamn miracle considering all the shit I put up with for your benefit when we were kids. Christ.”

Steve rolls his eyes, which he knows is the exact reaction Bucky was going for. “Alright, I’ll bite. What’d I talk you into that was so bad?”

“God, Steve, Snow White? How many times d’we see that in theaters?”

“What? You loved that movie!”

“No, you loved that movie, despite being fuckin’ colorblind. I went because I’m a goddamn sap and I couldn’t get enough of the wide-eyed baby deer act you pulled every time you got to see all that animation in action. You sparkled, Steve, it was addicting.”

“What?”

“Whaddya mean, what? Can’t a guy get all sentimental over how cute his best guy looked staring adoringly at a cartoon?”

“No, I mean— you went for me? We weren’t even…”

“First of all, jackass, I don’t gotta be in love with someone to wanna see them happy. Second, I honestly can’t tell you if I realized that I was in love with you back then. It’s all mixed up with how I definitely felt during the war, and then with everything that came with thawing out here.”

Hold on— 

“Bucky. Bucky. The war?”

Steve’s half-twisted around in Bucky’s arms now, staring at him, slack-jawed, because they’ve never had this conversation before. Nothing even close to this has ever come up between them. When they got together this century, they only acknowledged that they’d never considered doing so back in the thirties, that their feelings only really surfaced now because they finally had a moment to rest without the fear of discovery hanging over their heads. Bucky has never breathed a word of loving Steve at any point before that.

But Bucky doesn’t seem to understand what’s running through Steve’s head, because his brows furrow as he stares right back at Steve. “Why are you acting so surprised? You think I curled up with you every night just ‘cause I was cold?” He pauses. “I mean, alright, yes, I was freezing and you were a goddamn furnace all of a sudden, but—”

“You have never said shit about this, Barnes, what the fuck?”

And there’s Bucky rising to the challenge in Steve’s voice, lifting his chin and narrowing his eyes. Refusing to let go of Steve, though, for which he’s grateful; he needs the grounding weight of him all the more in this moment.

“I ain’t exactly proud of it, Steve. You and Carter? Fuck, you made my blood boil with her.”

Steve blinks. Blinks again, shakes his head like that’ll make Bucky’s words fall into a neat little line he can actually understand. He feels Bucky’s chest expand as he breathes in deep, feels it deflate as he lets it out in a heavy sigh. His eyes are nearly silver in this light, and so sheepish that Steve just wants to set this aside and kiss on him until he’s smiling again. But — he wants to know, fuck, he doesn’t like secrets between them anymore, and he knows Bucky’s the same way. It’s not the best time to get into this, but really, in the grand scheme of things… it’s as good a time as they’ll get.

“God, alright. I was jealous, okay? Whether or not I knew what you were to me while we were still in Brooklyn, I sure as hell knew it then when I was watching you two dance around each other for months. The way you’d stare after her, the way she tucked herself right into your side whenever you were in the same room… I was sick with it, hatin’ her and hatin’ myself for feeling that way when I didn’t have a fuckin’ claim to you. When you were happy with her and I couldn’t make myself be happy for you. You think I like admitting I couldn’t put my best friend’s happiness above my own bruised ego?”

“Buck…”

“Aw, don’t look like that, sweetheart. Was my own fault for never saying anything. And, well, for all I knew back then you were straight as an arrow. You thought you were pretty straight, as I recall. Maybe it woulda just driven a wedge between us if I’d said something.”

“Fuck that.” The words are whispered, but they get Steve’s point across just fine — it’s Bucky’s turn to blink, leaning away from Steve slightly like he needs a better look at him to process what he’s just heard. Steve just follows him, getting his knees under him so he can cup Bucky’s face in both palms, holding him close. “Fuck that. I always loved you, Bucky Barnes. Platonic, romantic, doesn’t fucking matter. If you think for one second I woulda left you over something like that—”

Bucky laughs again, a quick, sharp little thing that barely interrupts Steve’s vehement protests, but the kiss Bucky plants on his lips does the job of getting his attention.

“What a stubborn asshole you are, sweetheart.”

Scowling, Steve kisses Bucky again, harder this time but still achingly sweet. “You think I’m lyin’?”

“Do I look like an idiot? No, I don’t think you’re lying, but that’s what you’re saying now, with the glorious gift of hindsight. You can’t say for sure that’s how you would have reacted, and I wouldn’t have blamed you for it.”

“One more time, Barnes, ‘cause I do think you’re a little slow on the uptake tonight. Fuck that. You got my ass through every fuckin’ illness that so much as looked at our borough, got me through ma’s death… you think you catchin’ feelings was gonna scare me away? I was afraid of you leaving, god, I woulda clung to you forever if you let me, even if you got married, had kids, whatever. I probably wouldn’t have believed you could like me, but I wouldn’t have been mad at you over it.”

It’s quiet between them once Steve’s gotten it all out of his system, save for his heart thudding in his chest and their quickened breathing, the tick-tick-tick of the ceiling fan above them. Steve refuses to look away from Bucky’s searching gaze, and god, yes, he’s a stubborn asshole, but he’s also right! He’s right and he’s going to prove that to Bucky, one way or another, because this is too important to let go. He doesn’t want Bucky thinking even for a second that there is a scenario where Steve would throw him over for someone else. Anyone Steve loved — anyone who loved Steve — would have had to accept that Bucky came first, always.

In hindsight, Steve maybe should’ve figured out his own damn feelings long before he reached the 21st century, but that wasn’t exactly his point right now. 

Steve doesn’t know how long they sit there like that, holding one another without saying a word, but he doesn’t tear his eyes away from Bucky’s for a single moment of it, willing him to understand that he’s always been Steve’s anchor, his touchstone — that absolutely nothing short of death could ever come between them, and fuck, even that didn’t stick. And he thinks Bucky might be getting there, the way a slow, tremulous smile spreads across his face, a flush high on his cheeks that does things to Steve’s heart. 

“I love you.”

Steve’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, automatic, ducking his head down to press into Bucky’s neck, the fabric of his worn t-shirt soft against Steve’s cheek. It’s far from the first time either of them have said it, but Steve still gets so giddy over it, knowing he gets to have this, have Bucky, to hold and kiss and adore this man in his arms for as long as they’re both alive… it’s heady, and something Steve doesn’t want to take for granted, not even for a second. The road they took to get here was too brutal for Steve not to be damn grateful for every moment they have together. 

Which means he doesn’t mind the teasing they get from the rest of the team, the not-so-sly remarks and gratuitous eye rolls that Sam and Natasha are so fond of, the downright lewd shit that gets thrown right back in Tony’s face when Bucky reminds them all that neither of them are innocent grandpas. 

It’s all part of getting to love Bucky the way he deserves, the way he’s always and will always deserve, and if there’s one thing about the future that Steve unequivocally loves, it’s that he can be as open as he wants about just how much he loves Bucky. And, if people do have a problem with it, Steve can kick their asses — mostly over Twitter, but still. He’s a fan.

“Love you too, Buck.”

Bucky hums, content, and readjusts so that Steve is mostly laying flat on top of him, the both of them stretched out across the couch. He snags the blanket from where it’s half-spilled onto the floor, draping it over Steve enough that it covers the majority of their bodies. Steve snuggles in, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s back, giving him a gentle squeeze to show his appreciation. 

He’s all but forgotten the phantom cold that drove him out here in the first place.

“Wanna try going back to sleep?” Bucky murmurs, rubbing circles into Steve’s back.

“Nah. You’re still gonna be here, don’t wanna sleep alone.”

“Mm, fair point. You just gonna lay here, then?”

He could, Bucky won’t protest his weight or the company. “Yeah. Right where I wanna be. You could read to me, though?”

“I’m in the middle of the book, Rogers, you won’t have any clue what’s going on.”

“Just like the sound of your voice, Buck. It’s soothing,” Steve argues, and he’s slurring his words a little, he knows, but he doesn’t care and Bucky doesn’t call him out on it. “Read to me?”

He feels the rumble of Bucky’s laughter in his own chest, pressed right up against him, then the shift of the couch as Bucky grabs his book from the floor and braces it against the dip in Steve’s spine so he can read.

And yeah, Bucky’s right — Steve couldn’t tell you a thing about what’s happening in the book right now (there are gods and monsters and quippy teenagers, but none of it settles quite right in his brain, none of it takes any recognizable shape) but he couldn’t be happier regardless.

Turns out it’s not so bad of a night after all. 

[apples-r-rubbish]

Institute (13th doctor x reader) Part 3

Summary:  The Doctor decides to drop in a few times to check up on you Word Count: 2.1k AN:  This is mainly filler, I need to edit part 4 and Because I feel nice (and to make up for this) it’s coming out within the next hour or so :) -L x Warnings: death mention Tags: @startrekkingaroundasgard @penguinwithitsarseonfire

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 4) (PART 5) (PART 6) (PART 7) (PART 8) MASTERLIST

It had been months since The Doctor had seen you. After having a particularly awful encounter with a dalek in late December, she decided she had to visit you, to give you some updated information. When she exited you were sitting in your chair, legs pulled up to your chest, silent tears slipping from your eyes.

“How do you manage to get it in the same spot every time? Is it something you’ve practiced or is it coincidence?” You asked, not giving her time to say hello. You were wearing jeans a crumpled t-shirt, you had clearly been here a while, and it was late, wine was on the desk a half drunk bottle on the desk

“My expert flight skills and mainly luck. What’s up? What’s wrong?” She asked anxiety clear in her face as she rushed to you, cautiously wrapping her arms around you

“My girlfriend and I split up. She’d been cheating on me,” You explained. A small pang of jealousy hit the doctor. 

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend- or well did- sorry timelines again,”

“Future you met her once, I mean it doesn’t really matter now. Where are we now?” You said stopping the conversation abruptly pulling out a notebook from your desk, “you’ve visited me after 40s India, and modern day Norway,” You frowned staring at your notes

“Done all that, got a few more on your end however, but you’ll soon find out. You keep notes?”

“Of course. River basically threw a notebook at me and told me it was best. If we’re out of sync we have to compare.” You replied scribbling down something. 

“What’s the date? I realise I never ask,” 

“New years eve, 2019 at quarter to midnight if you must know,” You frowned checking your watch “and I‘m sat in my office crying, wine drunk about a girl who really doesn’t care about me,”  You laughed bitterly taking another sip from the wine bottle. She frowned and snatched the bottle from your hands 

“That’s quite enough of that,” she remarked “It’s new years eve, you’re not sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. C’mon we’re watching fireworks,” she dragged you out of the chair by your hands to one of the many floor to ceiling windows in your office. Her hand was warm, not overly smooth but not rough either.  Most of London was visible from your windows

“Me liked the view, she liked London and she knew that she’d be handing the position to myself most of the time so, I was allowed to design the office,” you smiled at the memory 

“How long have you worked here?” she asked as if the question had been on her mind for months

“5 years, put straight in this position, Me found me, insisted I was necessary to the plan, important enough to be involved. We’re a skeleton staff, less than 100 people- 1 institute,” you explained 

“You are important. You’re important to me,” she insisted, remembering her hand was in yours “you’re my friend and I care about you and your feelings,” 

You laughed at that, “Why do you put up with us all? I never understand it,”

“I like you all, you’re kind and funny and passionate. You all want to achieve so much, you aspire to be better,” she looked away from you, her eyes lighting up as she spoke. As you opened your mouth to say something the ominous looking counter flashed up on big ben. You whispered the numbers, as the seconds drew nearer.  She pressed a hand against your face, “3...2…” you were cut off by the feeling of lips on yours. You stayed that way quietly for a moment, breathing heavily, as the celebratory fireworks went off behind you.

She pulled away, “Sorry if I crossed a line, I just know it’s a thing humans do,” She gave a small sweet smile, as if she’d known exactly what she’d done. 

“You didn’t cross a line it’s ok,” You said and then hesitated “But I know you, you do this, you’ll get in that blue box and fly away. But it means next time we might sync so can I get in that box with you.”

There was a comforting silence between you both, “we’re running in different directions, and at some point we might get on track,” You said,

She pecked your lips again, “Soon, I’m sorry.”

“I know, I’ll hold you to that,” You said with a wink as she backed into the TARDIS.

It had been a handful of weeks since the doctor had seen you, she was returning on an adventure with the fam “Sorry fam, got to drop that off at the institute,” referring to the alien tech, they’d taken from a recent adventure. 

“You want an excuse to see her don’t you? See if your timelines are aligned yet,” Yaz sighed at the doctor, she tried to deny it  but both Ryan and Graham nodded at the other woman, 

“Fine, i want to see her, especially after new years, just want to check in on her,” She explained with a slight annoyance to her voice. She flipped a few switches before landing, in your office as she usually did, same spot as always. You were laughing with your girlfriend, or in her timeline, former girlfriend. The other woman was sat on your desk, pressing a kiss to your lips when the doctor strolled out of her TARDIS, “So exciting thing, we found some alien tech that we think- sorry am I interrupting something-” She rambled turning her head, a edge to her voice that was unexpected, the others filled out the ship after her making similar awkward expressions. 

“Christ, can you give us a warning? Have you learnt to do that through our complex timeline?” You laughed, a heavy blush evident on your cheeks “This is my girlfriend. Babe, this is the Doctor,” You smiled, waving your hands between the two of them, she cringed at the nickname. Your girlfriend went to introduce herself, the doctor shot her a sharp glare remembering new years eve, before turning to you, “where are we up to?”

“Uh, you’ve just told me about 17th century witch trials,” You said trying to remember off the top of your head

“Good, that was a fun one,” She smiled at the memory, before, placing the alien tech in your hand, her hand lingering on yours for a bit too long, “Get one of the archive staff to lock that away, you might need it at some point. Maybe, depends, better to have it just incase, it’ll keep you safe, if I can’t be there,” 

“Ok thanks, we’ll get someone on that right now,” You replied, professionalism clear in your voice and face. You felt colder to her, she had forgotten what you were like in the early days. She nodded at you, before turning on her heel, restraining herself from wrapping her arms around you.  She extended a hand to your girlfriend, to which she accepted. The Doctor leant in and whispered “I know what you’re doing, cheaters get what’s coming to them,” She then plastered a fake smile before turning into the TARDIS after giving you a genuine smile. Team TARDIS followed behind her, giving small goodbyes and polite waves to you and your future ex partner. 

“Well that could have gone literally miles and miles better,” Graham frowned, after the ship had taken off

“Yeah, doc, you should have seen your face it was fun- wasn’t funny actually- Ow,” Ryan said between Yaz hitting him on the shoulder trying to help the situation

“Look, she doesn’t even know about new years because it hasn’t happened yet so it’s not like she can help it and saying that to her ex probably wasn’t the best route,” 

“She also kisses me when the institute gets attacked, which is about a month after new years, which is two months after this,” She turned to Yaz anger heavy in her voice “What would you have done in that situation? Hm? What would any of you have done? Exactly. Don’t criticise me when you have not been in situations like that, because it has happened to me far too many times for me to take advice from any of you!” she shouted her final words anger bubbling over the surface finally, as she scraped her hands down the console, in another attempt to knock something nonvital off of it. A pin could have dropped in the TARDIS and everyone would have heard it, “Look, I’m sorry, I keep thinking about her on that planet and I think it’s my fault, and I can’t stop it. I’m just worried, I care about her, and I don’t want to see her with anyone else and I don’t want to see whatever is coming, not on that planet especially,” 

“You never said, what planet it was,” Ryan said unexpectedly 

“It doesn’t matter, it isn’t important.” She frowned quickly “Look, new adventure, got a planet picked out and everything,” 

The familiar wheezes filled your office. You pulled out a handgun you kept in your desk drawer and pointed it at the doors unflinchingly, the doctor stepped out cautiously, “Tell me what I said to you, in this office when the cyberman attacked the institute!” You shouted at the woman

“(Y/N)-”

“Tell me!” You snarled locking the gun, not blinking

“You- You said you should keep wine in your desk, for when we synced again, and you said we should go on a date,” She stammered out. You lowered the gun and out it back on your desk

“Sorry, issues with the Zygons again. Bonnie and Oswald stepped up and helped though, helps to be cautious considering we didn’t have some of their new abilities on file. Gun was fake anyway before you shout at me, just needed to be sure,”  You said kicking your feet onto the desk

“What are we up to on your terms?” She asked avoiding your previous statements 

“The cyber incident was the last time I saw you and that was about 5 months ago. You?”

“Dropping tech off, saw your ex, a month ago for me,” She said taking the seat opposite 

“So we’re even then? Finally, nothing sneaky, just us in my office,” 

“I think so. Unless one of us is lying but we both know better than that,”

“Good,” You replied pulling out a bottle of wine from your desk drawer “5 months, that’s been in there, just incase,” 

“Yeah, well I’d prefer the date,” 

“Are you flirting?” 

“Maybe,” She smirked

“Watch it old man. Don’t want you having a heart attack trying to keep up,” You laughed,as you stood and grabbed your jacket, “I believe we promised each other a date.”

London was warm unsurprisingly, given the time of year. The bar was empty given the fact it was a Tuesday, you ordered a drink for yourself and some juice for the doctor, “I guessed and said apple because I figured you did not want alcohol,” you said taking a seat at the table she had picked. 

“I could love it, you never know,” She replied,  you proceeded to offer her your drink, she took a sip and made an odd face “Ok nevermind then, I take it back,”

“In my defence, your new face might have liked it, not my fault I didn’t know,”

“Definitely not for me,” She stuck her tongue out after her comment. You talked for hours despite the glares of the slightly annoyed bar staff, telling stories of space travel and times long gone, or the times yet to come

“I’ve never visited victorian england, I imagine it would be nice. Those were always assigned to someone else,” You said suddenly 

“We could go if you’d like, another date, sightsee and do a bunch of touristy things, meet the queen, I’m sure she wouldn’t recognise me with this face,”

“I feel like it’s somewhere I'd like to go to before I die, like I’d save it for a bucket list, a sort of time bucket list,” You rambled. That was a sobering reminder for the doctor, the way you looked at her, a bittersweet happiness in your eyes and a knowing smile, a different version of you compared to the one in front of her.

“Travel with me, please.” You gave her a look “I know what you said, but we’re finally synced up again, what’s the worst that could happen. I doubt they’d notice you gone, you essentially just sit in your office and try to avoid boredom all day, you might as well travel.” 

“Fine, you aren’t going to drop it until I agree so yes, I’ll travel with you,” You said finishing what was left of your drink, she had already stood up a giddy smile clear on her face. The Doctor pulled you to your feet, “c’mon, need to do some maintenance on the TARDIS and we’ll meet up with the others and go somewhere.”

[theadventuresofamuslimrevert]

Forgiving is hard.....

Every time I contemplate on all the heartbreaking episodes & events that i had to endure these past few months, I couldn’t help but to be filled with rage and/or great sorrow. Lately, it has kind of taken a toll on me. I often find it so difficult for me to fully focus & achieve khusyu’ in my ibadah or any task I do in general. As hard as I try to eliminate external distractions when I’m at something, my past always finds its way back to me. I start to be reminded of how hurt i was, and all the familiar faces that caused that hurt. Anger will peek in and just like that, I lose focus.

Now being distracted isn’t my main concern. It’s the fact that by losing focus when i’m in the middle of doing something, be it ibadah or work, I would end up not entirely satisfied of the outcome once it’s done- this bothers me a whole lot. Imagine how much better everything would turn out if I gave my 100%. Until I discover how to get rid of everything that’s bugging me, I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace. The question here is, why can’t I? Why is it so hard to get over everything? Then it occurred me last night that maybe, just maybe, the reason why I can’t let go of my past is because I’m withholding one of the most essential thing that is needed to move on- forgiveness.

In my effort to start fresh, I realised how I still get all emotional and mad each time I think of the ones who broke me. So I ask myself, if I still feel this way then have I really forgiven them? Hm, I don’t think so. But then, why not?

Although Allah has given us the right to refuse from forgiving someone, I’m pretty sure He does not encourage it. As difficult as it is to forgive, holding back forgiveness is way more tormenting and painful. It haunts you. In my idealism, I used to think that if I don’t forgive someone, i have done my revenge. They will not be able to live in peace because regardless of whether they have asked for an apology or not, i’d still consider it as ‘unsettled business’. But hey who am I kidding, because eventually, this mentality corrupts the heart. And a heart which is corrupted will never be at peace- including mine.

Oh come on, It’s islamic new year. If not now, can there be a better time? You see, forgiving does not only benefit the person at fault, but it’s equally as important & necessary for the forgiver as well. You should forgive others not only because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. After all the crap they got you through, even if they never bothered to say sorry, forgive them. Again not because they deserve it, but you are way better than that. Because you are worthy with the quality of being forgiving. It takes the same amount of energy to forgive as well as to not forgive. There’s a certain kind of humility required to be the adult here. Not forgiving, as convenient as we ‘assume’ it is, just indicates the amount of pride and arrogance we have in us. Since when is life a battle of ego? Remember the story of Adam and Iblis Laknatullah? Ego was the exact reason why Iblis was taken out of jannah.

We are all children of Adam. We make mistakes. At some point of our lives, we have also wronged someone. We might have caused them hurt. With or without intentions, knowingly and unknowingly. It is certainly natural to mess up here and there. Yes right now you are torn. Yes you are shattered to pieces and broke to the bones. That person may have betrayed us, slandered us, or simply been a pain in the ass. But how can you be so sure you’ve never left anyone feeling the same way before? And because of that, we all owe each other forgiveness. If we hope to be forgiven, why is it so hard to do the same to people? Why are we withholding something which we are clearly not the rightful owner of in the first place?

Forgiveness, dear readers, it’s is not our forte. It’s not something we humans are experts of. For goodness sake, we are not God. Even Allah is Al-Ghaffur- The Most Forgiving. He forgives and He loves to forgive. It’s one of his beautiful attributes. A Godly one. Now since Allah is All-Forgiving, if the person at fault commits sincere tawbah (repentance), it is most likely for Him to forgive the person. But us humans? We on the the other hand, are different. We tend to come up with so many excuses and have the cheek to not forgive a fellow human being who breathe, eat, sleep and make mistakes just like us. Do we think that if we do not forgive them, we can refuse them jannah? Are we for real? Don’t compare who hurt who more, or ‘my pain is bigger than your pain’. If you look at it that way, you will never be able to forgive. We are not the bosses of others. I don’t owe you, you don’t owe me. Honey, who are we to punish people? If Allah can forgive people, why should we punish them more than they deserve to be punished?

It warms my heart every single time I recall on how forgiving our prophet Muhammad SAW was. Do you remember how he was once rejected by the people of Ta’if? When he arrived to Ta’if, he was pelted with rocks and stones until he bled awfully. His whole body was covered with blood and his sandals were clogged to his feet. Things got so ugly that Jibril was sent down to usher the angels in charge of the mountains to look after this matter. The angel greeted Rasulullah and said;

“Oh Prophet of Allah! I am at your service. If you wish, I can cause the mountains overlooking this town on both sides to collide with each other, so that all the people therein would be crushed to death, or you may suggest any other punishment for them.”

I bet you can guess what the prophet did next. 

Yes, he forgave them instead. Allah. He was A PROPHET. A Nabi! He could simply ask Allah to destroy the people of Ta’if. But not only he forgave them, he also prayed for them. He prayed for his enemies. No grudges. No nothing. MashaAllah, such humility. Muhammad SAW raised his hands towards the heavens and said “…So long as You are not angry with me, I do not care. Your favour is of a more expansive relief to me.”

Allahuakbar

Here’s another story. Once during the time of the prophet SAW, a man was said to be given glad tidings of Jannah. A sahabah heard this news and due to curiosity, he observed that man’s activities for 3 days from the moment he wakes up, to the time he goes to bed. However he did not find anything that made the man stand out from the rest of the sahabah who seemed to be doing more good deeds. So one day, he gave up and decided to ask the man directly. The man revealed a truly virtuous act that he never forgets to do every night. He said “Every night, before I go to sleep, I forgive whoever has wronged me. I remove any bad feelings towards anyone from my heart.”

How beautiful is that?

I learnt that one way to be more forgiving is by reading more seerah of the prophets. How they dealt with people, particularly who hated them and had harm inflicted on them. They were so gentle towards others and they showed that it is absolutely possible to forgive with hikmah; to become strong, without being hard, and remain soft, without being weak. Personally, the more I read about the prophets, the more I feel so little. As if I have no right at all to NOT forgive people, despite how they were towards me before.

Again,

Forgive others not solely because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace

It’s a win-win situation, for both parties. Not only that, it is also an investment for our Aakhirah. Our “jannah access cards”. Give yourself a chance to be happy again. Get rid of all that intention of wanting to torment a fellow human being by not forgiving them. It’s liberating and life changing, you know. Set them free, while setting yourself free. Pray for them. Ask Allah to guide them and make them happy. I noticed that by making du’a for those who have hurt us, we will find that their happiness can also be our happiness too. Tell me how can we not be happy seeing our prayers being granted?

And to every single soul that I have wronged, if by any chance you’re reading this, I sincerely beg for your apology. Please make du’a for me. Also know that I have forgiven you and I wish you nothing but the best for both your dunya and aakhirah. May Allah grant you contentment and peace, and may he soften our hearts to continue forgiving.

I deserve peace. You deserve peace.

So may peace be upon us all, inshaAllah.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 15 Post-Games Imposter Syndrome Part 30

This is the last one before the party! Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses (also thanks for Conor!), and @thoughts-of-nora!

With the blood in my carpet, I was able to create a few crystal knives just in case I needed them, but I would only use them in an emergency. So, I kept one on me very inconspicuously.

A couple days after I saw Shine and Volt, some Peacekeepers knocked on my door. They didn’t tell me what was going on; they just grabbed me and pushed me along. Brilliant. Was it some other brilliant idea of Aurora’s?

Nope. It was Conor’s. He was standing in the middle of the room, wearing just a buttoned shirt, instead of a full suit, and he had rolled his sleeves up. There was an Avox over to the side, standing by a radio. What the hell was this?

I smirked over at him as the Peacekeepers pushed me into the room and slammed the door behind them. I crossed my arms. “What’s this? You trying to woo me now?”

“You’ve only just now figured that out? We’ve only been a couple for how many days now?” He pretended to look wounded as he walked closer to me, and his eyes sharpened when he got closer.

I laughed. “That means my acting has been that good. I had no idea.”

He actually looked serious. “If I was to ask if you were physically alright, what are the chances of you giving me an honest answer?”

Aw. Was that a bit of concern I saw? I held up my hands so he could see the scar on my right hand even more clearly. “100% truth, I’m technically physically alright. You don’t have to worry about me fainting on you.” I winked at him. He really thought I was going to admit weakness in front of him? He had already exploited my weakness for my friends once.

“Alas, and here I was hoping we would get the full cliché of the romance story. Now I’ll never cross it off the list.” Sorry for disappointing him. “But if ever there was a time for Ally cats presence…nevertheless, I suppose the dress will have to be a little different than the first plan. Still I do hope you will like it.” Ooh. What was this? I hadn’t heard hints of these plans. “But as for why we’re here, apparently the Capitol is afraid that throwing their newest gem into a party for the first time might embarrass them more if she doesn’t know how to dance. Though, I suppose we can’t give them too much credit for worrying about how they’ll be viewed through you all things considered.” A dark look passed over his face before he hid it with a smirk.

Huh. He seemed to be so concerned about me getting hurt. I wouldn’t have expected that of him. I put my hand over my chest, faking pain. “How rude to assume I can’t dance. And 100% true. So, I’m assuming that means you know how to?”

“Why of course! Some of the best dramas unfold on the dance floors of parties, loves, deals, battles of their own sorts, break ups, and renouncements…so much easier to see it all the closer you are. Or to spread the right rumor, secret, story, and what-have-you when the guards of those around you are down from music and dance.” Good to know. I really should pay more attention to parties then. “And,” he added as an afterthought. “I have told you I like the finer things of life.”

Ugh. But dancing was so annoying. I fake pouted. “You can have the finer things in life without learning how to dance. Look at me…well, at least before all this shit happened.”

He raised an eyebrow. “A point I will not contest, though I admit, some of them are to be found in it. Lucky for you I have had enough practice that I doubt many would notice your mistakes when the time comes, but I confess, I am unsure how we will fool the ever watchful,” he nodded at the Avox and a camera, “eyes, that we did indeed do as they asked. Or how we would otherwise spend this time.”

I huffed, but he had a point. Damn it. I held out my hand and smiled my best smile. “Then shall we begin?”

“Let’s.” He bowed and kissed my hand before guiding me to the middle of the room.

I was going to look like a damn fool. I didn’t know anything about dancing. The Avox turned on the music. He helped me position my hands, and I hid my nervousness with sarcasm. “My, but I feel under-dressed for this occasion. I hope you can stand a partner who doesn’t know the dress code.”

He started a complicated dance, moving with no warning, and I already stumbled. Shit. I wasn’t prepared for this. “And here I hoped I was dressed down for you, should I have worn less? Perhaps undo a few buttons as well? You can hardly be blamed when uninformed.”

Shit, I couldn’t even respond right away. I looked down as he moved me in the dance. I tried to keep up, but I kept stepping on his feet or stumbling. I looked ridiculous. “I don’t know how you could wear less and still be appropriate. But a more casual shirt would have made me feel less like I missed a memo.” Less sarcasm now.

“Alas, my current wardrobe is rather lacking in what you would call casual, unless of course you mean in the manner of the Capitol? If not, then this is as dressed down as I can appropriately get while in my current position.”

Huh. That probably wasn’t something I should try to imagine, or I’d start flushing. But I made a face just thinking about having to wear fancy clothes all the time. “Then I’m even more grateful they let me wear whatever I want when they’re not parading me around on tv. Sucks to be you.”

He laughed. “Indeed, though I will admit to revealing a bit in playing these roles. Putting a mask on and allowing the world to see something they wish so you can do as you please? I do enjoy these games.”

I had already seen how much of an expert he was in playing those games. It would be better if I learned more about that, if I ever thought to have another scheme. As I was thinking, he spun me, and I almost tripped over my feet. I frowned. “Any tips for doing that? I’m still working on it myself.”

“When spinning, the best option is to pick something stable to look at so you will not become dizzy, only turning away when you can physically no longer look at it. I’d say trust me, but well,” he spread his arm and raised an eyebrow.

Yeah, he couldn’t be trusted. Especially because he hadn’t answered my question. I snorted. “The dancing tips are much appreciated, but you know that’s not what I meant.”

“It’s much the same really. Pick a point that you know is stable about your mask, even if it’s something as small as how you stand or what you wear. Imagine how that fits the part you want to play, as you’re already in it, go from there and believe that it’s a part of you. But only a part. Want to seem confident? Straighten your back, and keep conscious of how it is, and you’ve already done one step of the persona. Then just add more.”

I bowed my head a little, and then promptly tripped. “That’s solid advice. I honestly didn’t expect that from you.”

“I’m wounded.” In a deadpan voice. “But of course, it’s more fun to play the game with someone else who knows.”

“But of course,” I echoed. As we danced, I was actually able to keep my balance. So, I was getting better. “Tell me about your methods. So that I can appreciate your effort that much more.” Maybe I could figure out more about his motives.

“Hmm, some of my methods, I’ll admit, are natural for me, and I have had years of practice. Of building up my personas and masks for everyone else, they are naturally a part of me at this point. I confess, I don’t know what other methods you’re referring to.”

I sighed. He was going to make me say it, wasn’t he? But at least I could get a few more tips out of this. “Fine, I’ll admit. Your charm, your wit, how you can destroy someone with just a few words, how you’re always one step ahead of everyone else.” I made my voice exaggeratedly sarcastic. “You can’t tell me all of that is just a fake persona.”

He laughed. “Destroying someone with a few words is probably the easiest to explain, but it requires having knowledge ahead of time or being able to read them and their tells on the fly. Actually, a rather cheap trick learned from pseudo-psychics about how to cold read a person based off subtle tells they give to a conversation. If you mention this, does their breath hitch or eyes go wide? Or did they seem dismissive of it? Or again, have prior knowledge of their weak points based off their history. Which I suppose aids in the being a step ahead, but having ready access to knowledge and plenty of contacts helps. As well as the years of seeing the patterns people tend to play out. As for charm and wit,” he dipped me, and I lost my footing, and I flailed a little before I realized he was keeping me from falling, “well, at one time they were ‘a fake persona’ for me, learned through pretending to be sharpest in the room, acting like those that were, watching and picking things up to add to my masks. But as I also said, they became a part of me from those years because I let them and wanted them to the point they became as natural as breathing. Satisfied my little thief?”

He pulled me back up, but I still stuttered before I could speak clearly. And I frowned. “Wait, since you answered those questions, do I owe you more kisses? Not complaining or anything, just making sure I know everything I’m getting into.”

“I was not going to charge you for those no, but if you insist, you do still owe me.”

I hated how I actually felt a little disappointed about that, but I didn’t have much time to think about that. He dipped me again, and I almost lost my footing, but he kept me from falling even as he leaned down closer so that our faces were inches from each other. Shit, and I was starting to flush. I was being so stupid. He was dangerous.

He kissed me and as I was getting lost in the intensity of it all, he let me fall and broke contact so that he could lean over me with a smirk before crushing his lips to mine. His hands wandered to my scars on my collarbone and my hand, and he traced them, and his kiss became more intense. He clasped my right hand tight before letting it go and slipping his hand under my shirt. And that was where he found the scar on my lower back and stomach. His hand lingered there, tracing over the scar tissue, and he held me tighter and tighter, and I couldn’t breathe…

He broke away, and when I looked up at him as I gasped for breath, his eyes were dark again. “Are you well enough to continue, little thief?”

I was still gasping for breath, but I wouldn’t admit any weakness. Anyway, I was fine. I was just still in pain from the healing. “To continue what? Don’t go and start talking all vague. I’ll assume something you aren’t meaning.” I smirked.

His gaze hardened a little, and he frowned as he pulled me back upright. “Dancing of course. Though,” he smirked, “I am curious as to what else you could have assumed?”

I cocked my head. Had he really not realized his vague wording? “Well, you did say ‘continue’ after you just stopped kissing me. So, I wouldn’t be out of line to believe you were talking about kissing me more.”

“And tell me, is that what you want?” He leaned close to me as he positioned my hands again.

I flushed a little. He was dangerous. I shouldn’t get closer to him. But also, a stupid side of my brain wanted me to close the distance. Shit. I wasn’t going to admit that. “You’ve already expressed doubt that I’d tell you the truth in other matters. So, why do you think I would now?”

“And yet I’m the liar in our little game.” He started the dance, and it was a lot simpler than the last one. “I am allowed the basic emotion of hope, am I not? Why exactly must these things be such a terrible secret that you have to keep it to yourself? But nevertheless, I will not press. After all, I do keep far too many things close to my chest so to speak, that I am not to be trusted by anyone. Perhaps I should instead be commending you for being one of the few.”

One of the few what? I couldn’t even tell what he meant. “Hmm. Now that’s just confusing on purpose. And I didn’t say I wouldn’t tell the truth, so insinuating that I should be called the liar is just assuming. Like you assumed I wouldn’t tell the truth before. And then I told the truth.” Talking about when he asked if I was physically alright.

“You told the truth in the same manner that I tell the truth, so either, we’re both liars, or we’re both honest people. And should I not be judging based off of past actions or do we constantly forget the past to blindly hope the future is brighter because we so wish it?” As he led me in the dance, he was studying my face.

Of course, my mind flashed to how he had actually told me the truth about Reine and the others. They were safe. They hadn’t been captured by the Capitol. But I’d never admit that. So, I went for a subtle admission. I smirked a little. “A little bit of both, I suppose, especially when new information about the person in question comes to light.”

“Ah, but new information simply means you yourself were wrong about their past, not that they themselves have changed. But I do concede the wisdom of that, given the difficulty one might find in reframing their early bias.”

Good time to press. “So…in the spirit of learning new information and reframing my early bias, what are your motives for fucking with me? This can’t help you with the three motives you stated in the past. Unless you were lying about those.”

“To which three do you refer? I have mentioned my interest and curiosity haven’t I? Or perhaps it was the need for entertainment in a boringly long life? And I informed Star that I’d help her get as many tributes out of the Games of the Capitol as possible. When she failed to get you, and your other friends out, that meant that I was still to help her. Or are you by chance hoping to uncover the dastardly ulterior motives that I’ve yet to reveal that paint me as the true villain in this story?” He spun me, but I actually didn’t trip this time. “The part where I’m using all this as a distraction for the Capitol and other interested groups so I can obtain something that’s been kept from me?”

With how much he made it sound that his villain plan was farfetched, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was real. And I totally didn’t believe that he was just doing this to help Reine get the tributes out. Was he lying, or only telling partial truths? “The three whose answers I’m still paying off. But if there aren’t ulterior motives, why the hell did you choose me?”

“I never said there wasn’t an ulterior motive, but the reason I chose you was simply interest, dear little thief. I’m not sure whether it would comfort you to think that it was purely by chance of fate that our paths crossed in time for you to steal my gloves and draw my attention enough to be intrigued about what the Shades had to say about you instead of say another. Avery or Hugo, or any of the others perhaps could have worked just as well for the purposes, but I’m not sure if she would have endeared herself to the Capitol as easily to be a big enough star.”

Oh boy. I spoke with heavy sarcasm. “Yeah, that makes me feel loads better, hearing that it was just chance that a manipulative, crafty jerk decided to interfere with me. Seriously, the only thing going for you right now is how easy you are on the eyes.” And the information he was giving away that was hopefully at least partially true.

“Not even my honesty, I’m shocked. After all, I’ve always been rather up front about who I am.” He finished the dance, letting go of me and bowing. “But I dare say, that was a little too close to a compliment.”

I smirked and gave him a small curtsey. “Well, maybe you’re too close to deserving that one. But only that one.”

“I’ve survived off of less and have gotten this far. Feel like you understand that one? You didn’t step on my feet accidentally once.”

Maybe I should have. “It makes sense. I should be fine with that one.” So, why did he even show off the complicated one first? “You just made me dance the first one because it was so complicated and I’d stumble and look foolish, didn’t you?”

“Stumbling yes, because it would make the others seem far easier to perform.” Sure. “Looking foolish was not the plan, though I was curious what would happen if you were truly off balance for once, if you’d let anything slip. I cannot say if I’m disappointed or pleased by how you adapt so easily.”

Ha. I either disappointed him or pleased him. I smirked. “I’m just annoying like that, aren’t I, hun?”

He raised an eyebrow, also smirking. “Intriguing is the word I would have used. But if you’d feel better labeling yourself as such, yes, I do find the puzzles I’ve yet to solve annoying as you say.”

I felt even more accomplished. I’d actually annoyed him! Best day ever. I laughed. “What puzzles? Me, I’m an open book.” I spread my arms out with a little bow.

He mimicked me with a flourish. “As am I if you look close enough, and yet we seem incapable of fully understanding the other. Or do you believe to have figured me completely out already and I’m the one left behind?”

“This time I’m being 100% honest when I say: hell no. But I guess that’s part of the fun.”

“Exactly, on that we can agree.”

Well, this had been fun. But time to go. Didn’t want to overstay my welcome. I took his hand and kissed the top of it. “Until next time, Bystander.” And I walked off before he could get the last word.

I paused by the Avox, glanced at the camera, and discreetly handed her one of the crystal knives I had kept on me. I leaned in close and whispered in her ear. “Use this to escape, if you can. And take as many as you can. It’s very sharp.” She gasped and nodded, and I left. Hopefully, I had helped her.

[electracraft]

hey sorry i didn’t explain, im not an expert so i wasn’t sure if my opinion, well, even mattered, but i’ll try to write down my thoughts. again, i would like to reiterate that i’m not a stats major and this is just based on some stat classes i took, so it might not be 100% accurate.

so binomial distribution is basically the probability of success or failure. only two outcomes. already, i find it strange they’re using that for the trade system, where it isn’t a two outcome situation. i know the two posibilites they’re comparing is a “yes you got ender pearls” or “no you didn’t get ender pearls” but either way there are other probabilistic models u can use that better match the circumstances. it’s almost like they chose this model specifically because it gave them the suspicious probability they wanted

anyway, there is criteria that you have to meet in order to use this model. one requirement is that the trials ur collecting data from have to be independent of each other. in the pdf the mods say they’ve accounted for this independence by accounting for their sampling bias, but they haven’t. all they say is defense that they haven’t cherry picked their data is that the possibility is “extremely negligible”, which is hilarious considering what they’re trying to prove. i personally am not of the opinion that the trials are independent given the sequence of streams, which then makes any calculations of the binomial distribution void.

the pdf also states that they’re going off a bernoulli distribution, which is closely related to the binormal distribution but has the added criteria that the probability of failure (not getting the pearls) is equal to 1 - the probability of success (getting the pearls). again, i don’t think that applies to this situation - judging from the probabilities and the weight from the pdf, the math doesn’t add up. i also took the values off of the minecraft wiki to double check, and anyone who is reading please feel free to correct me, but the the added probability of failure of pearls and success of pearls doesn’t equal one. so their data is either incorrect or they can’t be using this model.

these are just the issues i’ve picked up on skimming the pdf, but i’ve seen other dissenting opinions from people im sure are way more qualified than i am to be speaking about. sorry for rambling!!! but yeah here are my thoughts

don’t apologize at all, thank you so much for this! again i probably am too invested in something that i can’t have a say in, but this is a very interesting insight. i’m not sure why you’re saying that each trial is not independent, is it because of the data being cherry picked? 

honestly you should have made your own post, this is too high level for this blog 

[hayleyb100]

Shattered, Part 9

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Midquel - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9- Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 the end

⚠️WARNING!⚠️

*A twisted story of Pokemon Sword and Shield, with Leon as main character. *Lots of fanons. *Everything is headcanon. *It isn’t spoiler free. *It includes death of a character. *SUPER ANGSTY.

"Wow, it's Leon!"

"So cool, so cool!"

"Welcome."

"Hello, Leon!"

Leon was caught off guard. It was surely not the sight he was expecting to see. I mean, he already felt that it would be something weird, considering a strange combination of Gordie, Milo, and Piers inviting him over for a sleepover at Circhester Town. But he never ever expected 6 younger children would greet him.

"Umm... Hi?"

Leon smiled awkwardly, asking with eyes to three inviters what was going on.

"Oh, sorry for calling you out of blue. You see, my mother was going for a Gym Leader meeting elsewhere so I had to call for help to take care of these babies together! My sister and I are short in hands." Gordie chuckled bashfully.

"So I came to help!" Milo beamed from ear to ear.

"And urr... Marnie and I came to lend a hand as well."

Finally, Piers added.

"Okay..."

Leon wore an awkward face. He would never know why his mother readily allowed him to come here. Maybe she felt safe because there are three Gym Leaders and his pokemons to take care of him?

Despite Leon feeling much better now, the children were much energetic than he imagined. They were climbing up and down the furniture, were running around the whole garden playing tag with each other, pulled Leon's long hair, and stuck some stickers on his cheek(Gordie had to stop the kids). Leon stacked blocks and played hero vs villain for them. For those moments of playing, Leon felt strange. It was another jumbled up feeling twinging from within.

The feeling grew the most intense when Leon saw Marnie together with Piers. Since Marnie was the same age as Hop, it overlapped so much with...

_______________________________________

"Well, that's what we call a whole day!"

Milo smiled, as they see the little ones all tucked in the bed sleeping.

"I cannot thank all of you enough. I could never have done it without your help!" Gordie beamed.

"Welp... I am so drained." Piers complained because he was pestered the most by kids due to his eye-catching appearance.

"........."

Leon didn't say anything. He was still processing his emotions gained from the experience.

    "Say, now that all the kids are in bed, how about we have some long overdue chat while enjoying some tea?"

"Tea sounds fantastic!" Milo smiled and agreed.

"If there's anything to relax, I am sold..." Piers said with a drained voice while turning his left shoulder.

"Well, if everyone wants it why not?"

Leon felt like his emotions might hinder him, but he reluctantly joined in.

"There. Cream and sugar?"

Gordie asked after pouring tea in Leon's cup.

"Just some sugar, thanks."

"So... How was today?"

Milo worriedly asked Leon, who was putting two cubes of sugar and stirring his tea.

"Huh?"

Leon stopped the stirring and looked up.

"You haven't noticed anything? You're quite clueless, aren't cha?"

Piers sighed and shook his head.

Still looking lost, Leon stared at Gordie, Milo, and Piers in turns. Then he noticed something.

"Oh."

Leon realized that everyone here is 'older brothers'. The only difference was that Leon lost his, while others still have.

"Mr. Kabu asked us to talk with you. He said since we have younger siblings, we might sympathize with your pain better..."

Oh, Mr. Kabu. Always considerate.

"I see..." Leon said shortly, but the silence quickly devoured four of them.

"I am so sorry for your loss."

After a while, Gordie broke the silence.

"I was dying to say this to you but didn't know when would be a perfect time. I know that you were in no mood to hear us."

"Thanks," Leon replied gently.

Leon was even more relieved, realizing there are more people to solace him other than Raihan and Mr. Kabu.

A whole hour passed by so quickly with some cups of tea. Leon didn't realize he was talking his emotions to his friends. Maybe the fact that they are all in the same position as older brother opened up his mind easier.

"Yeah, it sure is subsided now, but the memories from that day just pop up at random moment and tortures me..."

Leon sighed.

"It's like contradicting emotions swirling in me towards my brother. I hate him so much when it comes to how he left me so ruthlessly, but then... I..."

That was as far as Leon could go. His emotions disturbed his speaking again.

"I bet it is called ambivalence,"

said, Piers.

"I may not be an expert or anything, but I think that's what it is... But let me ask you... Do you seriously hate your brother?"

Leon looked up, completely caught off guard.

"I mean... Surely there must be great memories too like happy, heart-warming, joyful moments."

"There are..." Leon bit his lips to continue.

"So many, actually."

"...Why don't you tell us?"

So Leon started to tell everyone endless happy memories of their brotherhood. The first encounter, the first day Hop toddled to him, the time when they played together at the back yard, how Hop's voice always soothed him whenever he was down, fighting to retain the Champion's spot... It was surely a short memory because Leon became Champion when he was young. However, it sure was such a beautiful piece of time embroidered in his life. Came to think of it, Leon forgot about all that for such a long time now. His heavy shoulders as Champion made him forget about it and then the unwilling farewell blinded him.

"That was beautiful..." Milo said, all ready to cry.

"Yeah... It sure is." Leon sighed.

"How was it telling us all this?" asked Piers.

Leon had to think hard to come up with the word to describe his feeling at the moment.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I felt... cozy? And a little easy too. Funny, isn't it? Feeling cozy for talking about my brother who passed away..."

"No, it just shows that you still love him so much."

With Piers's words, something sparkled in Leon.

"Yes, your brother wounded you, but is that everything that is left of your brother's life? Just like you told us, he gave you a lot of loving moments too. I personally think your memories with Hop is much more valuable to just conclude with a mere bad ending. That will just push you to bear a grudge on your beloved brother and that is not so hot. I bet that's what's causing you to agonize... You love him but keep fighting to get angry at him."

The words hit Leon hard.

"Can I be honest with you too...?"

Milo started carefully.

"I might be jumping to conclusions, but you looked so happy when you were taking care of our younger siblings. It seems like it's still inside of you. The good memories."

No. Milo wasn't surmising. He was right. Leon felt really happy, taking care of the young ones. He didn't know why he was feeling jumbled up earlier. He was cozy for taking care of the younger sibling in a long while, but his mind was refusing to admit it.

"You're right..." Leon smiled gently.

"Because of sadness, I almost forgot how much I loved him..."

Gordie stroked his back.

"I guess it isn't a good idea to keep trying to forget about your brother... As an older brother, I know how my siblings are important to me. I know he meant so much to you too, and forgetting him is like forgetting that much of yourself. I'm scared it would break you, Remember, despite he made the worst choice, he still presented you with the priceless name of 'brother'."

Part of myself...

Leon thought.

Gordie was absolutely right. He cannot deny that ever since their first encounter, Leon was stuck with Hop like glue. It was Hop's smile that supported Leon when he was feeling low. Erasing Hop would be denying all the support he gave him. It would be denying all the love, joy, and precious memories they shared. A simple misstep on the way of parting isn't enough to throw all that in a garbage can.

"Embrace it. If you're ready, that is. Cherish the legacy that your brother left behind. I bet Hop would also want you to move on."

Leon could feel the empty space of his heart filling up. Leon finally returned to a whole after accepting back the part of him that he pushed away. Did he really try to push Hop out of his life when he meant this much to him?

Leon wore another smile of relief. It was okay to long for his brother. Thank god. It felt even better because it was 'older brothers' who told him that.

____________________________________

"I hope my son isn't too much trouble."

Meanwhile, at Victor's home in Postwick, three moms were gathering.

"Not at all! Gordie loves having visitors around. And I'm sure your son would make a lovely guest!"

"...Your son and other gym leaders are doing so much for my son."

Leon's mother sighed deeply.

"When his mother can't do anything for him."

"Nonsense!" Victor's mom started.

"I'm 100% sure that your very existence is great support for your son. I mean, you are working so hard to stay as the strong mom for him, right? That's enough. You're doing so well, honey."

"I agree," Melony added.

"The pain you're going through... I bet it is extremely intense. The fact that you bear all that and look after your son alone is amazing. So share that burden with us. We're more than ready."

With what they say, Leon's mom burst out crying.

It was a long night for both mother and son.

[magaprima]

PART 2 EPISODE 8 EPISODE ANALYSIS 2/?

“What does it mean, Ms Wardwell?” The fact that Sabrina just always presumes her teacher will have all the answers makes me laugh, because it shows what an impression Lilith has successfully made on her. Like, when in doubt, go to ‘Ms Wardwell’. Like this is a really obscure fucking thing they found in the mines, but Sabrina has no doubt that her apparent teacher will have all the answers. And she does.

“This implies that you’re some kind of Herald of Hell”

I love the fact that Lilith is huh, it seems to be this, when she knows perfectly well that it is, because the Dark Lord himself has told her that he intended Sabrina to be her Herald of Hell, and Lilith lost a bet in trying to take the position for herself. And you actually see Lilith’s eyes flash at the image, because it’s visual confirmation that yep, he really does fucking intend it to happen, and always had done. I mean the mosaic confirms he’s had plans for Sabrina long before he let Lilith in on them, which would, rightfully, piss her off.

Also the way Lilith describes the apocalypse in a ‘well duh’ way when Sabrina asks. Like ‘the earth in flames, the tribes of human and witchkind, enslaved by the hordes of Hell, with the Dark Lord presiding over it all’. She’s just like ‘what other definition of an apocalypse would there be?’. But it’s so revealing that Lilith has known all along what the Dark Lord’s attitude was, not only to humanity, but to his witches too; he intends to enslave the very people who worship and serve him, rather than rewarding them, which is usually how this sort of thing is supposed to work. But I think it’s interesting that when Lilith is Queen she doesn’t have any apocalypse plans and no more let’s Hell go beyond it’s boundaries than Sabrina does. Lucifer goes on about the balance in Part 3 in order to convince Sabrina to take the crown, but Lilith is someone is shown to actively care more about the balance than him or anyone else in Hell. Lilith wants to rule, not destroy, and that’s a very important difference. 

Nick, however isn’t so convinced, and is all ‘what makes you such an expert?’, and I love that we cut to the Adam Creature while Lilith replies, because he serves as a visual reminder that Lilith is an expert because she comes from Hell herself, but it also sort of implies Lilith really wants to fucking smack Nick at that point for his attitude. The temptation to kill them both in that flicker of a moment. 

Also she says she studied with Nostradamus, and I do wonder if that’s that ‘truth hidden in a lie’ and if Lilith did indeed hang out with Nostradamus, as we’ve seen she’s someone who can blur the lines between the mortal and infernal realms when she wants to, and considering her own origins it’s not beyond the realms of possibility for her to have been hanging out with someone who was skilled in prophecies. Lilith has been shown to be someone well-read and intelligent, and also has foresight; how better to get ahead of everyone than to learn how to read prophecies? But also, saying this means she’s telling them how old ‘Mary Wardwell’ is. He lived in the 1500s which means she’s meant to be a couple of centuries older than the Aunts (Her age is also another confirmation that the reason Dezmelda, who is only a 100 years old than the aunts and a 100 years younger at least than Lilith!Mary’s fake age, has aged so much because she left the coven and the Dark Lord, and became a hedge witch). 

“The end times is usually preceded by the gates of Hell opening”

Usually preceded. Usually. How many end times have you seen Lilith? How many have there been that we don’t know about? I think this is why later on she’s like ‘I don’t care if the world ends; I’ll survive either way’, because she’s been through them enough times, and she also knows they either fail to happen or they don’t last long. Maybe it’s like ‘oh Lucifer wants an apocalypse. Must be Tuesday’ kind of vibe. 

“Why me?” “You’re special, aren’t you?”

Oh the implied bitterness in this line. Like, it has been implied constantly to Lilith by both circumstance and the Dark Lord himself that Sabrina is unique, important, special, and she is clearly so fucking tired of it. Like yes you’re special, I had to come here and pretend to be a high school teacher and raise a bunch of dead witches because it was so important you sign a book. I had to stay at a high school to keep you doing what you’re meant to be doing because you’re so special. Adam had to be killed and I forced to eat him to teach me a lesson about how special you are and how my focus should be all on you. I am being pushed aside entirely because you’re just so fucking special. 

“Half-witch, half-mortal, representing the two tribes to be tyrannised”

Lilith was so close here to blowing the whole thing wide open about the real reason Sabrina is so important and why she exists in the first place. Like yes, she is half-mortal, which means she represents one ‘tribe’, and since she signed the book she is ‘half-witch’ representing that side too, but what she actually is, blood-wise, is half-Lucifer. Like she’s half hell-celestial, and I think that’s what the real key part of bringing about the apocalypse was. I mean, she’s probably not the first half-mortal witch to be born, just the first where they actually got married. And it would be easier enough to make such a thing happen, so why would that be so powerful to bring about the apocalypse...no it has to be something more. She’s half mortal and half hell. Lilith was so close. But she had no reason to think ‘hang on I think you’re Lucifer’s kid’. 

But oh god when Sabrina says ‘this would explain my new powers’, the way Lilith is just like ‘I’m sorry what?’ and blinks innocently but with such fucking tension when she asks ‘new powers?’, and you can tell she’s already imagining a dozen things, like what the fuck has the Dark Lord decided to gift you with now, and will it effect me?

‘Resurrection, healing, control over the weather, I’m not sure I can be killed’

Lilith nods at all of these like fan-fucking-tastic, just giving you huge ass powers the rest of us have to work at gradually, fine, absolutely fine, and then it’s the last one she’s like ‘oh marvellous. Can’t even fucking go ahead with my plan now, can I?’ and she tries to hide it so much  but her tension and irritation is so palpable...except to Sabrina who is apparently too focused on her own problems to notice how annoyed Lilith is, and how much she is currently recalibrating her original plan at hyper speed, 

What Lilith says; How fascinating What she means: Well isn’t that spit on your neck kick in the crotch fantastic?

She does manage to recover pretty quickly though. 

" it would seem that the Herald of Hell would have to wield a certain amount of power”

But oh god the way she says this, it’s like ‘yes, I accept you would need some powers to be the Herald (powers I already have, but never mind) but he did not need to go so fucking overboard with it’. Like, Lilith is just getting knock after Sabrina-related knock from the Dark Lord and she just looks like she’s on her last nerve over it. She’s kept calm and accepting for four months but now she is just so fucking done. 

“No way am I doing it”

I wish Lilith had realised her answer was right there. She could have teamed up with Sabrina there and then, been honest and done a pair-up against the Dark Lord and stopped so much from  happening, but as I said on another post, Lilith is as much a victim of society as any other woman in being subconsciously taught to treat other women as a threat rather than an ally, and her desire to punish the Dark Lord seems to outweigh, at the moment, her desire to team up with Sabrina and stop the prophecy. And at this point she does still think she’s in with a chance of getting her crown, so she’s not yet so willing to go completely against him. 

Also, you can tell she loves how much that a legitimate answer to Sabrina’s query is one that also helps her; you need the powers to be the herald, if you don’t want to be the herald, rid yourself of the powers. Which conveniently means Lilith can have her killed as planned. But she barely holds back at a smile at how everything just came together so neatly and so quickly. Like, ah problem raised, problem tackled, back on schedule. I mean she literally smiles through her words as she says ‘rendering you essentially mortal’, because someone essentially mortal is going to be so much easier for the Adam Creature to deal with. Lilith is back in Confidence Town at that point....and then Nick irritates her with his questions again. She really does look at him like ‘why are you even here?’.

But I do love her come back like ‘erm, excuse me’ when she says “don’t you mean half of who she is?” which I think she takes extra joy in saying because Sabrina is always saying how important her mortal side his, how important her mortal friends are and Lilith knows first hand how difficult it was to get her to leave that behind in any capacity, so she’s like ‘well can’t say a witch is all she is when she goes on about the mortal stuff’. Also, I think it’s interesting that she says this and then in the next episode she says of herself ‘not only a witch’, as it’s another parallel between her and Sabrina, that neither of them are ‘just’ a witch, they’re both something more complicated. 

I also love that Lilith doesn’t say anything else until not only has Nick left the room, but closed the door behind him too. She had literally no interest in dealing with him; things go much more smoothly with her manipulations when it’s just her and Sabrina. As it does the moment he leaves, when she’s able to go back into full-on concerned teacher vibe and be all ‘you must keep me abreast won’t you?’ and then adds, ‘and do look into the mandrake spell, it could be just the ticket’ in such a bright way, like don’t like Nick’s negative vibes effect your decision. After all, I have all the answers don’t I, I’m older, more experienced and I’m saying the mandrake spell could be a good thing. Ignore mr-storms-out. 

And then her whole smiling expression immediately falls the moment Sabrina leaves the room. We get back to genuine Lilith. And what’s the first thing she does? Calls Adam to get things back on track. And as she calls for him, she is rubbing her fingers over the enchanted engagement ring she gave to Adam 2.0, she rubs her fingertips over it the way you do when you’re thinking about someone the jewellery is connected to. Like a widow remembering her lost husband, and it just reminds her that the entire reason she’s doing this, the reasons she created the Creature, the reason she’s attacking Sabrina, is all an attempt to avenge Adam 2.0′s murder. 

Her whole instructions of ‘follow her. discreetly. and once she’s vulnerable and alone; kill her’ is given so psychotically though, with this soft, almost gentle voice, and this equally gentle smile, as if she’s telling someone to prepare a birthday surprise, but instead it’s a murder. Also, the fact she says ‘once she’s vulnerable’, shows how well Lilith knows Sabrina. She knows that no matter what Nick says, the girl’s desire to not be a pawn and to stop the apocalypse and not be ‘evil’ means she will do the mandrake spell and will make herself vulnerable. Lilith knows exactly what Sabrina is planning to do. 

But the way Lilith’s eyes flicker away after she gives the instruction, the flicker of thought of something else. Perhaps briefly wondering whether this will succeed before the Dark Lord notices, perhaps acknowledging that this won’t bring Adam 2.0 back, perhaps wondering if it’s going to be a satisfying as she hopes. 

But oh my god the way she stretches out her hand over the candle, feeling the pain of the heat on her fingertips, perhaps in an attempt to feel something, to distract herself from the emotional pain she feels over Adam 2.0 (physical pain would be much easier for her to deal with, after all) and then argh her face is so sad. Lilith is so fucking sad. She even looks like there might be a few tears. She is still in the major throes of grief, she is still so upset about Adam 2.0 and we’re being told, by this shot and her expression, that everything she is doing right now, for good or for bad, is a product of that grief. 

I will at some point do a full visual analysis of that moment because fucking ow. 

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 19

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Hazel gives Calypso some advice.

A/N:  Keeping things short and sweet this time. Time to bring Hazel back before we finally get to some important 'talks'! As usual, I hope you guys enjoy and please comment because that's the best motivator I can get!!

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Hazel, Frank (mentioned)

Words: 2300+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

…

“Hey,” Hazel gently grabbed Calypso’s sleeve after an art class when they were about to go home. Calypso had been pretty quiet (quieter than usual) during the class and she had been worried that Hazel would notice that. As she turned to look at the speaker, Calypso felt she should have known she wouldn’t get rid of her that easily.

“I’m going to meet my friend Frank in an hour but I don’t have time to go home before that, so I’m going to kill some time somewhere nearby. Would you like to join me?” Hazel asked.

Calypso admitted to herself that she had been dreaming about locking herself into her room and maybe screaming into her pillow just a bit because she had felt very frustrated ever since the ‘Percy incident’ had happened. In the history classes she and Annabeth no longer talked to each other if they could avoid it. One awkward time their professor had ordered them to do their group work together but instead of actually spending time discussing the topic (or other matters) Annabeth had told Calypso to make some notes at home while she’d make her own and send them to her then for her to combine. Calypso had wanted to protest and say the whole situation was ridiculous but she had already learned to know that Annabeth was very strong willed especially when she wanted to be and arguing about it would most likely have caused more harm than good.

Aside from that they hadn’t interacted much, but from Piper, Calypso had heard that she and Percy were having a bit of a rough phase. Calypso herself wasn’t doing much better with her flatmate who had recently been spending more time with his family and friends or working behind the shut doors. Sooner rather than later she knew she would have to deal with both Leo and Annabeth but it was easier said than done. Especially because in her old home the issues had been just brushed under a rug and never talked about again.

Thinking about all that, Calypso had almost forgotten what Hazel had asked in the first place, but when the younger girl cleared her voice to get her attention, she finally responded: “Oh, sure, why not? I don’t have any place where I should be right now…” She tried to convince herself that maybe this would be a good thing, to get something else to think about. “Where do you want to go?” She asked Hazel “There’s a nice coffee shop nearby!” Hazel replied, casting a slightly worried look at Calypso. She could sense the older girl didn’t have her brain fully present. “And they have student friendly prices. Can you believe I once saw a coffee shop where they sold a regular cup of regular coffee for over four dollars?

“Wow, that really is expensive,” Calypso agreed but had nothing else to contribute to that topic.

“Yeah…” Hazel simply nodded and the girls continued walking for a while in a silence.

“Um, listen…” Hazel eventually spoke. “I can’t help but notice that something’s on your mind… If you don’t want to come with me, that’s OK. I understand.”

Calypso felt embarrassed, not wanting her new friend to think that she didn’t care about her company.

“Oh, no, I’m sorry! I do want to join you. You’re right, though, things have been a bit weird in my life lately but I promise I’ll try to push that into the back of my mind for a bit. I think this will be good for me.”

“Alright,” Hazel accepted. “Just so you know, I’ve seen a lot of weird things in my life… so if you do want to talk about it at any point, feel free.”

“Okay, I will.” Calypso promised.

The coffee shop they went into was small but cozy, lots of students either hanging out with their friends or perhaps doing some homework after classes. Hazel and Calypso did still manage to find free seats from a more quiet corner and once they had made their orders (fruit tea for Calypso, latte for Hazel), they discussed the art classes for a bit. Hazel hoped to get more experience with portraits soon while Calypso admitted that she was more interested in painting landscapes. The younger girl also revealed that she was planning to draw something for Frank’s birthday, which made Calypso wonder again what the relationship between those two really was like.

“You and Frank seem really close based on what you’ve told me,” she commented. “I probably sound too curious, but are you two really just friends?”

Hazel chuckled a bit. “Don’t worry, you’re not the first person to ask me that. And the answer is: sadly, yeah. I mean… I’ve told him I’d be ready for a relationship but… Frank seems to be worried about how it might affect our friendship. We’ve been friends for a long while, after all. And recently his grandma hasn’t been feeling well so that’s taken a lot of his time and attention. Frank doesn’t have other close relatives so he’s the one who’s been taking care of her.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Calypso said sympathetically. As weird as it may have sounded, somehow hearing other people’s stories made her feel less alone in her situation. “I hope things will get better for both him and his grandma.”

“I have a feeling they will,” Hazel said mysteriously, not explaining why she felt that way. “And Frank is strong; he just isn’t aware of his strength yet.”

For some reason that comment made Calypso think of Leo, and ironically Hazel’s next question was: “Since I was honest with you, what about you then? Any special someone in your life?” Calypso felt her heated cheeks betray her yet again.

“Um, no, not really…” she replied, pretending to focus on her drink.

“Hey, I can detect a lie pretty easily,” Hazel noted calmly. “You wouldn’t have blushed if there wasn’t someone…”

“Well… it is true that I am not seeing anyone.” Calypso tried to dodge Hazel's comment.

“But…”

“But… the situation is a bit complicated.”

Hazel watched her curiously while tasting her drink. “Oh, how so?”

Suddenly Calypso noticed she was telling her new friend a lot more than she had intended. Something about the girl’s aura just made her feel she could trust her.

“I… There’s this guy called Leo. He’s my flatmate. He can be a bit irritating and immature at times… For example, one time he tried to make me eat a very hot chili pepper even though he knew how hot it was… To be fair, though, I only ate the tip.” Hazel chuckled at that comment. “And he tells a lot of bad jokes and doesn’t seem to have a filter. I think he may be covering some of his insecurities with his jokes. That’s just my guess, though. But either way…”

“You like him,” Hazel finished for her.

“Uh… Like? I don’t know… No? Maybe…” When Hazel raised her eyebrow, Calypso was forced to say: “Okay, there is a small chance that I do like him. Sometimes his jokes are kind of funny. And his stupid grin has grown on me and his fluffy hair makes me want to ruffle it. It’s frustrating! He’s good with his hands - I mean, he can build machines from scratch - and he’s also really smart, like, he can solve problems I couldn’t even imagine trying in a very short time. He loves his dog and his family a lot. He can make pretty great tacos. And he’s trying very hard to get over a fear of his… but…”

“But it’s complicated because he’s your flatmate?” Hazel guessed this time.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Calypso said. “I mean, of course that is something to be considered. If we ever got together and then broke up, it would be really awkward to live in the same flat. But I’m not even sure how he feels about me. There are moments when we have a lot of fun together. But sometimes I feel like we can’t be 100 per cent honest with each other, and recently… he found out that I used to, well, I think ‘date’ is not a correct word to use because we only met once in real life, but I did use to talk a lot with a friend of his online, with a relationship in my mind. It happened over two years ago and we never were serious, but… it seemed to bother Leo and I’m not sure what I should tell him.” In reality, those weren’t the only reasons why Calypso thought the situation was complicated but she had to draw the line somewhere.

“Did you already tell him what you just told me?” Hazel asked while stirring her hot drink.

“I did try to explain it when Percy came to our place to pick his girlfriend… Who is, or was my friend and she’s not talking to me either… but I don’t know. He’s been acting very distant ever since that happened; just talking to me when necessary and even then it isn’t more than a couple of sentences. It’s getting pretty frustrating…”

“I can imagine that,” Hazel nodded. “I’m not a relationship expert by any means but there must be some reason why he reacted like that, right?”

“I guess so.” Calypso shrugged. “But… I don’t know. It could be anything. Maybe he’s worried about his friends.”

“I may be wrong but to me it kind of sounds like he wasn’t happy to hear about you and his friend because he might like you back. If he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t be giving you silent treatment,” Hazel noted.

“You really think so?” Calypso, a tiny hope rising in her even though she knew she shouldn’t wish too much.

“Hey, why wouldn’t he?” Hazel nudged Calypso’s elbow. “Haven’t you noticed that some of the guys in our art class keep whispering about you? One of them actually asked me if I knew if you are dating anyone. They are all over you. Don’t worry, though, I told him that even if I knew it wasn’t my business to tell.” She smiled at her encouragingly.

“Oh… thanks for taking my side there. I had no idea… But why didn’t they ask me directly?” Calypso asked, a bit flustered.

“I have a couple of guesses,” Hazel replied. “Either they consider you a bit intimidating… because you are pretty and smart and what not… or they think that someone like you possibly couldn’t be single and wanted to make sure before asking you.”

“That… feels weird,” Calypso said quietly. “I am not used to being a center of attention. Or in general being noticed by people who don’t have something to do with my family.”

“But how?” Hazel asked. “You’re exactly the kind of person who the others will notice.”

“It’s a long story… one I don’t like sharing… but the short version is that when I was a teenager I didn’t get to leave my house unless it was something really urgent or necessary. I was basically a…” Calypso couldn’t finish the sentence, the reality of that situation hitting her still very hard whenever she thought about it.

“A hostage,” Hazel said, looking shocked. Calypso nodded as a response. “That’s… that’s awful.”

“It… yeah,” Calypso said sadly. “We had a big house so I did have room to do a lot of things there but… my communication with people other than those who worked or visited there was cut to minimum. But… my father had reasons for doing so… I can only blame myself.”

“What do you mean?” Hazel asked with confusion.

“I did something…” Calypso hesitated. “I’m so sorry, I’m getting tired of saying this but… I can’t tell you. I haven’t told anyone…”

“I see.” Hazel nodded. “I’ve had some difficult experiences as well so I know where the limits go… Don’t worry, I won’t ask more. But if you do ever want to talk, you can trust me.”

“Thank you,” Calypso said, giving Hazel a small smile.

“No problem. Hey,” Hazel decided to change the topic, “you gotta introduce me to this Leo of yours at some point. He sounds like an interesting guy.”

Even though Calypso knew Hazel was just teasing her in a friendly matter, she couldn’t help but say: “He’s not ‘my Leo’! He’s just a flatmate. And sometimes he can be quite a pain in my butt.”

“But you already confessed that you may or may not like him,” Hazel said, sipping her coffee calmly, smiling into her cup.

“Whatever,” Calypso mumbled, without realizing it sounding a whole lot like the young man she was thinking of. “Well, what about this Frank? When will I get to meet him?”

“He will be here soon so if you want to, you can tag along with us for a bit.” Hazel looked at her watch.

“Do you think that’s OK with him? I don’t want to be the third wheel or anything.” Calypso asked.

“No worries, I’m sure Frank will be happy to meet you too.”

“Oh… OK. If you guys don’t mind, then I might come with you. I am not feeling like going home quite yet.” Calypso sighed, thinking about the sulking boy back in her flat.

“Alright! And hey, Frank is a nice guy, I think you guys will get along.”

“OK, I believe you,” Calypso nodded.

The girls continued talking about other things after that until Frank called Hazel that he had gotten out of the work and was waiting for her nearby. He said he was cool with Calypso tagging along and soon she learned that Hazel’s description of a teddy bear in a real bear’s body was quite accurate. He and Calypso had a shared love for animals so they talked a good while about Frank’s internship and other things related to the topic. Hanging out with Hazel and Frank, Calypso thought that it felt good for her to notice that there were people who did seem to like her company despite her background; maybe there was hope that Leo and Annabeth would come around eventually too.