#I always thought James's Anthem sounded like he wrote it himself. So I decided to poke fun at it. Lol.

[ask-ttte-dragons]

Y'all, do any of you like writing songs?

Thomas: Hm, song writing. I know Reg like to sing and make up songs while he's working. At least that's what Edward tells me. And Salty knows a lot of sea shanties. I'm pretty sure he's written a few himself. Other than that, I don't think anyone else does-

James: *shoves Thomas out of the way enthusiastically* Ooooo! Pick me! Pick me!

Thomas: James?! Since when do you do song writing?

James: Oh my dear Thomas, I have many talents. *Somehow produces cellphone???* Why, a song I wrote was just released today by a composer I collaborated with! See for yourself!

*They look at the screen. The song is clearly James's Anthem, complete with his engine version of himself smacked on the cover*

Thomas: What's that thing on the cover???

James: Hm. Not sure.

Thomas: It kinda looks like-

James: He's a handsome devil though, isn't he?

Thomas: ...

Admin: After finally listening to the song, and discovering the lyrics had been changed to fit a steam engine, James was furious and wrote a scathing letter to the composer. He hasn't heard back since. Lol.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/55722046

Chapter 10

Now, that was finally settled, Nick thought with relief, leaning back in the couch and closing his eyes for a while. It was finally some progress after all his struggles! Now, he needed some calm and quiet, so he actually had to leave the hotel, because in here the guests kept staring at him or trying to pull him into a conversation. His suite wasn’t safe either, unfortunately. All of a sudden he preferred to stay here, but he also knew that his mind wouldn’t leave him alone until he came back to the place where it all had started. He was all tired again when he raised up and made his way out of the hotel.

Climbing down the ladder into the underground he couldn’t help but think about the first time climbing down, how he had to overcome his fear to even try. Now he was used to it and still, every step deeper into the tunnel felt very uncomfortable. He had to force himself to go on and remained very attentive, watching and listening into the dark, to notice if someone was coming. It was much more eery than usual, even though the man he was looking for wasn’t really dangerous.

Entering his improvised home, he found the same chaos that he had tried to clean up yesterday. Was it even yesterday? It seemed to be ages ago. Everything had changed since then. He looked at the couch where he had sat with Arthur. Without knowing why, he sat down at the same place where all the drama had happened. It was like Arthur was still there and at the same time it was weird that he wasn’t there anymore. Perhaps it was for the best, he told himself, thinking about what he had done to Arthur, who had only wanted to help. Nick had ruined it.

Not that he ever had a chance. It was rather his behavior at Sally’s place that made him feel miserable. The fact that he didn’t hold back his anger even thought he had no right to be angry at anyone. That he had tried to ruin it for Arthur, that he kissed Sally right before his eyes, to show him that she wasn’t his, to make it look like Arthur was only one of many customers she used to play with. In fact, nothing had happened between him and Sally for years. He didn’t know if she had changed until now.

It was all just a show, the revenge of the great Lightbearer. How pathetic! He slapped his forehead in frustration. He hoped that he didn’t destroy what had looked like an intimate relationship. He wouldn’t wonder if Arthur hated him now. And that was why he was afraid to meet him again, that was why he couldn’t handle being here. „I’m sorry“, he said to the empty space next to him and it’s answer was silence.

He raised up again and walked over to his bed, remembering that he hadn’t made any notes for a long time. And now that so many things happened he didn’t know where to start. He found his old notes in his bed stand and the words he wrote seemed strange to him now. He could barely handle what he had written about Arthur. For a moment he was about to rip the notes apart but then he couldn’t face doing it. Perhaps he could at least learn from them and avoid the same mistakes in the future.

While he was clumsily writing a new note he couldn’t stop thinking about Arthur and Sally. What if he as a downer had also other reasons to visit her than personal interest? What if she was helping him to survive? And what if Nick had destroyed this now too? He had to explain what happened. And if he couldn’t look Arthur in the eyes again he had to write a letter at least.

So he stopped his own notes and started to put something together that was both an explanation and an apology. He had to rewrite it multiple times and covered the floor around him with crumpled papers until he had managed something he could accept. Now he had to let Arthur have it without meeting him in person. He sneaked towards his hideout, as quietly as possible, praying that he won’t come out and left the letter at his doorstep, hoping that he would find it in time. Then he left the place as fast as possible and fled back into his improvised home, where he wanted to fall back on his bed and calm himself down when he noticed a black envelope lying there, that he must’ve overlooked until now.

Nick stared at it as if it was about to jump at him, wishing he would’ve stayed in the hotel. But then again, he was sure that James would’ve found another way to contact him. In fact, Nick wasn’t surprised that the Parade had become aware of his latest adventure. With an uneasy feeling in his stomach he took the envelope and slowly opened it. The letter inside was rather small, so Nick guessed James wouldn’t tell him what he had planned for him. Just as always.

Dear Nick, I know what happened. Don’t be afraid. Meet me there:

He described a street in Maidenholm. Nick asked himself if it was the same house he had brought him for the painful procedure. He turned around the paper but of course, there was nothing written on the backside. Now he wondered how long the letter had lied there. Nick didn’t want to let James wait any longer, but also he didn’t want to meet him. Then again, he didn’t want to stay either - and he needed his Joy. The effect of the Vanilla pill was slowly fading, so he didn’t have a chance but to follow the invitation.

The second walk through the tunnel was uneasy again, but not a lot more than standing at the doorstep of the said address. It seemed to be much more sinister than all the other houses in town. Of course it could also be caused by the Joy withdrawal and his anxiety. He ringed the bell, fighting the urge to run away. James didn’t let him wait for long. Stepping in, Nick thought that he was an eerie sight even at daytime.

„Is that…the same house?,“ he asked quietly and looked around. James raised his eyebrows as a silent question. „The same as last time…“, Nick added louder and James understood. He gave him a faint smile and nodded. „How are your hands?“ Nick immediately clenched them into fists. „They are alright…completely healed.“ „Good,“ James simply said and pointed along the corridor. „Please, Nick, have a seat in the living room.“

There was no sign of taunt or anger in his voice, if anything, it was soft and careful. Nick hoped it was a good sign and obliged, already relieved that James didn’t lock him up in the bedroom. „Let’s have a drink,“ James offered when he followed him into the living room. „Scotch, cognac, or do you prefer something sweet?“ Nick would’ve gladly accepted such an offer from someone else but now he wondered if it was a test. „I take whatever you prefer,“ he said and watched James serving the drinks. Whatever the test result was, James didn’t show.

When he had sat down across from Nick he began to speak again. „I’ve made a great mistake,“ he said and Nick decided not to interrupt him. „I scared you with my last actions. When we first met I promised to help you out of your cage but then I made it look like I locked you up in another.“ James gave him a pained expression that puzzled Nick. „I made you suffer. Don’t get me wrong, I still want you to get off the drugs but I feel like I’ve been too harsh to you. Instead of being your friend, I made you fear me. All I want is to let you know that whatever you do, and whatever happens to you, I want to help you. And I beg of you to give me a second chance to prove that I’m not a cold-hearted overseer. I’m not here to judge. I want to help you as a friend.“

James gave Nick an intense look and Nick was baffled, he didn’t know what to say to begin with. He felt is anxiety melt away and felt sorry for the man he had seemingly horribly misjudged. But there was still a rest of mistrust in him.

„That sounds…rather like a very personal interest to me than an official task“, he finally concluded. „Does the Parade know what you’re doing here?“ James smiled mysteriously. „They know. But coincidentally I can combine business with pleasure. Do you know the Executive Committee is right now urgently looking for new symbols of hope?“ Nick had never heard of that before. „I’m not quite up to date anymore,“ he confessed. „Why right now?“

„A great anniversary is coming up: The Twentiest Victory Memorial Day. That’s all they talk about in the Parade District.“ „…but that’s just a yearly celebration…“ „Not only that, Nick. It’s going to be the day of renewal. They say Coconut Joy will be introduced that day.“ „The new flavor!“, Nick blurted out. He had been waiting for it ever since. James nodded.

„Of course it’s all top secret,“ he said and winked at Nick. „S..sure, I won’t say a word…“, Nick became nervous again, but James softly interrupted him. „I know, Nick, it’s alright…My task is to set up a new beacon of hope and - as you might guess by now - I chose you!“ Nick was baffled again and took another sip of his drink, being glad that he had the glass to hold onto. „But…all I’m doing is pop music,“ he said helplessly and James smiled again.

„My new symbol is expected to sing the anthem of Wellington Wells at the opening.“ „Okay, I guess I can manage…“. Nick wiped his forehead. „Unfortunately you’re not the only possible candidate. Do you know who’s the favorite at the moment?“ The uneasy feeling in his stomach came back. „…Birdie Callagher,“ he simply said. James leaned back, looking content. „I see you can follow me.“

„Virgil didn’t tell me anything…“ „Well, Virgil went a bit rogue, didn’t he?“ James sounded amused. „But he might’ve come back to his senses by now.“ He gave Nick a suggestive look, who asked himself if it was finally time to pay for his sins and sunk down. „I made a mess again, didn’t I? I’m sorry…“, he whined and James put down his glass and leaned closer.

„Nick…Nick, I’m not mad at you…“, he said in a gentle tone. „And I won’t tell anyone.“ „But I was the downer in the news!“ „What downer?“, James shook his head, „It was all a game. Uncle Jack said it, so it must be true.“ „What if the Parade knows better?“ James shook his head again. „They will forget. It’s rude to know more than you’re told, even in the Parade.“ Nick crossed his arms and looked back at James.

„And what if I don’t make it? What if I’m not the new beacon of hope, what are you gonna do with me then?“ James sighted and the painful expression took over his features again. „Nick…believe me, whatever happens, I’m at your side. It doesn’t matter if you’re the new symbol or not.“ Nick stared at him with wide eyes. „You’ll help me…just like that?“, he asked doubtfully. „What do you get out of it?“ James silenced for a while, pondering.

„It’s probably unusual, but I’m sentimental. I don’t like to see old idols die. And I believe that you deserve better.“ Nick proceeded to be surprised. „I…don’t know what to say. That’s…honestly not what I’ve expected to happen today…“ „It’s alright. All I want to know is if you can give me a second chance. Please, think about it.“ „I…sure…“, Nick stuttered. „Sorry, I didn’t hear many excuses in my life…“ „That’s sad,“ James said compassionately, „I wish people knew you deserved better…“ Nick finished his drink, trying to sort his thoughts. He felt like there were thousands of questions he didn’t ask yet.

He let James pour him another drink before a question took shape into his mind. „I’m wondering…How do you plan to help me? Except with…Blackberry Joy?“ James took his time to fill his own glass, probably thinking about his answer, before he spoke again. „You see…with everything you went through, you’ve been more or less alone, with no one to look after what you really want, or what you felt. I’m not saying that I know all these things but I could help you finding out, if you want. Again, I’m not here to judge you. I want to help you find out how you built yourself that cage and how to get out.“

Nick had never thought about finding out what he really wanted. It all sounded very complicated to him, except for one thing: having someone to listen. Someone who wouldn’t punish him for his actions. Someone he could tell secrets he couldn’t tell Morrie or Virgil. Someone who could help him to change his ways. „That’s tempting…“, he admitted. „You don’t have to decide yet. Take your time. If you want, you can leave for now and tell me next time we meet,“ James gently offered.

Nick asked himself if he wanted to leave. He didn’t know where to stay right now, and he didn’t trust himself to keep his head clear when he didn’t know what to do with himself. When he stayed here instead he had someone to look after him, and he thought it couldn’t hurt to be James’ guest for a little while longer.

The night was starry and cold, but Nick didn’t freeze. He was comfortable as he followed James along the dark alleys where the fog was slowly swirling around them. The small droplets of water tickled on his skin and the smell of motilene was energizing. He knew exactly what he had to do. „I’ll bring you a souvenir,“ James whispered when they parted. Nick started to climb a gutter. It wasn’t the first time he used that way. When he reached a certain window he knocked against it and a woman dressed in a night gown opened.

„Nick,“ she hissed when he climbed inside, „he’s still upset. He could be still awake…“ „Why don’t we just wait and see,“ he whispered, stroking her cheek before he pulled her into a passionate kiss.

What’s wrong with me, Arthur asked himself, sitting on the big comfortable bed in the center of Nick’s abandoned tunnel suite. He had tried to move on and forget about the incident at Sally’s place but he couldn’t stop thinking about her, and more to his surprise, he couldn’t stop thinking about Nick. Coming back to his shelter he had found the letter that had been written in a scrawly handwriting.

Dear Arthur, I’m sorry for what I did at Sally’s place. Sally and I are just old friends and we didn’t see each other for years. There never was anything serious between us. I think she really loves you. Give her a chance. She’s a good girl. Yours Nick

It took a while until Arthur had made out the handwriting and then it had been harder and harder to read on. He had simply wanted to see Nick, maybe to tell him that Sally wasn’t the innocent angel he thought she was. And then what, he asked himself and curled his fingers into the blanket.

Maybe it was for the best that Nick wasn’t here, so they couldn’t have this embarrassing conversation. But looking around the empty suite, Arthur felt a blunt pain in his chest. Would Nick ever come back? Arthur didn’t even know what he wanted from him. Perhaps he was simply used to his presence and that was why he missed him now. Still, he kept sitting there, unable to leave.