#I also think it's curious how kelly and sam are pretty similar

[ckneal]

About a month ago, I had a fairly random revelation that Lilith was to Lucifer what Adam was to Michael. Not in the sense that she was ever his vessel, as all humans capable of serving that role are purportedly descended from Adam and Eve, and, while it’s never specifically confirmed to be true for the Supernatural universe, most lore surrounding Lilith sets her up as being too old for that.

And I also don’t necessarily mean that Lucifer and Lilith were in love—Lucifer is too egotistical and arrogant for me, personally, to believe he’s capable of a true romantic bond, and it is twice stated that he lost his virginity to Kelly Kline, in settings that leant themselves toward his credibility on this subject (musing aloud to an uncomprehending Kelly in the privacy of their bedroom, and awkwardly grappling for something to say in his first unplanned meeting with Jack, respectively)—leading me to believe that the recognizable sleazy substitute for love (lust) was not present between these two either. But, I do think that there was a connection there, and I do find myself curious about it.

After all, Lilith was willing to die to set Lucifer free from the cage. And yes, I am aware that she had made a deal with Michael to help set off the apocalypse, and she was obligated to carry out her part, but has anyone ever wondered what exactly Lilith got out of the bargain? She’s not exactly written like Eve, from season 6. She is not mothering toward demonkind. I can’t see her sharing Michael’s motivation to bring God back. The one who stood to benefit from her sacrifice, was, in fact, Lucifer. (And Michael, obviously.)

I think that the bond Lilith and Lucifer formed was a bit similar to what Adam and Michael had, in that it came from a lack of choice. I firmly believe that Lilith and Lucifer spent a decent amount of time together in Hell, just the two of them. Likely for a much longer period of time than Michael and Adam did in the cage. We don’t know exactly when Lucifer made Lilith, but we do know that he was out and moving around for awhile after the apple incident that Gadreel was incarcerated for—after all, Cain was a grown man when he caught Lucifer circling Abel and agreed to take the Mark. And bible ages are a little strange, but let’s say that that’s a good couple of decades in earth time. That’s much longer in Hell. Assuming that Lilith was turned prior to Cain, that’s a long time with Lucifer and Lilith being the only two occupants of Hell. (Well, except for Ramsey and her hellpuppies; remember she was pregnant when Lucifer saved her from extinction.)

And I wonder if in that time, the two of them could have developed a begrudging sort of friendship? Just from the forced proximity—Michael was clearly capable of decimating Lilith on sight if she went back to earth, and there weren’t exactly a lot of humans wondering around that early on in the species to provide her with cover—not to mention a meatsuit. She was pretty much stuck there, while Lucifer was presumably laying low, while he got his schemes together. Setting up the horsemen, binding Death, somehow getting and hiding the demon tablet, creating the Princes of Hell, and such. . .Just a lot of stuff, and where he used to have a vast multitude of siblings to talk to, he now just had this snarky little corrupted human soul, and I think—I think—they became friends.

And Lucifer considers this to be the filthiest thing that he’s ever done—on par with the most torrid, disgusting affair that anyone has ever had, and he still hates everything about it to this day. That’s why Lucifer never once talks about Lilith. He is nauseated by the fact that they were the original frenemies, completely disgusted and powerless to resist their intense conversational chemistry, and if they saw each other tomorrow there’s a tiny part of him that will still light up because no one has ever been more thoroughly on his level.

And it’s fucking mutual. If they saw each other tomorrow, they would exchange the most vehement of insults, maybe even physically attack one another, shouting their hatred at full volume—and then a few hours later be spotted at a coffee shop, passionately talking trash on Sam Winchester, and set terrible, terrible plans in motion that will plague Sammy’s life for the next several years. When they part ways, they would both feel intensely dirty, telling themselves that this will never happen again—but Lucifer has never been one to resist temptation, and at 3am finds himself sending that text message he knows he’ll regret later. . . “So what are your thoughts on Dean? ;)” And off they go again, all night long.

And that’s why Lilith was willing to lay down her life to set Lucifer free. And it’s also why she had her moment of doubt, when she nearly got Sam to agree to that demon deal. She had a moment of realizing that she was about to die for an asshole she doesn’t even like.

I personally like to think that Michael was the archangel who nearly came blasting in to defend Chuck that night, when Dean pulled the plug on the deal Sam was about to make (and before you try to tell me that wasn’t a real deal because Lilith was planning a trap—rewatch that scene, Sam was the one who played dirty by reaching for the demon-killing knife; Lilith was busy eyeing his crotch through his jeans and feeling up his chest). After Lilith smoked out of her meatsuit, I like to think that Michael followed her and gave a kind of prep talk, telling her that it’s important that they remember their motivations, shameful though they might be

At which point, Lilith just bursts into tears, crying, “Oh god, you’re right. . .He’s my best friend—how did this happen? How did this—Oh god, oh god, oh god, I’m going to be sick!”

Lilith sobs into Michael’s wings, while Michael is just sort of stuck standing there, because Lilith is gripping one of his four heads with both hands as she cries, while the other three are looking around for help, intensely confused because he, of course, was talking about bringing God back, and now he has no idea what to do to get out of this uncomfortable social situation that he does not understand.

And thinking about Lucifer and Lilith and Michael and Adam as parallels, it gets me asking these questions about how things would go if the roles were reversed. Would Adam willing lay down his life to free Michael from the cage? As a fanfiction writer, I enjoy the idea of saying yes.

In fact, I’m a little enamored with the idea of a parallel world where everything is flipped. Where it’s Michael in the box, and Adam running around breaking seals, Adam on that final, fateful night—after having had his moment of doubt in which he’d lured Ramiel into a secluded spot and offered to stand down and nearly banged Ramiel’s brains out in the bargain—but that’s all past, and now he’s firm in his resolve. Adam standing in front of a mirror—but instead of the white gown that Lilith wore, Adam’s in a black suit, dressed as if it were his wedding day, though he’ll never see his groom. And Raphael appearing at his elbow, looking concerned—instead of some random follower of Lilith’s, and Adam telling Raphael to be happy. Everything is going to be okay.

And it’s Adam reclining against the alter, all serene anticipation as Ramiel—the second Prince of Hell, who rejected his place in the succession because all he wanted was to live out a quiet life with his fishing gear, well away from the Pit and the Life—comes storming into the church with Zachariah at his side, assuring Ramiel that he’s trained for this, he can do it—only to have Azazel come bursting in behind them, shouting, “NO, RAMMY! IT’S WHAT HE WANTS!”

[sprut6]

The Society Thoughts and Theories

Lots of spoilers if you haven’t finished season 1! This show is bananas and I absolutely love theorizing things like this where we don’t know what’s going on. I have some ideas below and some way more out there than others. Would love to hear what others think!

Where are they:

1. Parallel Universe – I feel like the show was pushing this hard with the strange solar eclipse, bringing it up multiple times (more than other theories). For that reason, I don’t think that will be what it is. However, I loved the twist about the eclipse. I really feel like they pushed PU hard in S1 even though people also threw around other ideas I still felt like this one was pushed the most. I think in S2 they’ll push a different theory to take us in a different direction and I think we’re seeing that with how S1 ended.

2. Kidnapped – I think this is a strong theory and where the show really wants us to go in assuming they’ve been taken and are being held hostage for ransom. I’ve seen some theories about the season finale saying that we don’t know what the dog represents and I agree but I definitely think that’s what the writers want us to assume – the dog is the same dog so it’s earth and the dog was able to get from New Ham to West Ham somehow. I think this will be the main theory for S2 that everyone will work around.

3. Afterlife – A reasonable theory now that we know that West Ham still exists and there is a memorial to the kids. But it’s too similar to (SPOILER – even though the show has been over for almost a decade) Lost. I think it would be disappointing if they copied it and I just think that everyone is alive.

4. Dream – I actually really like this theory. I could even see it being something like they wake back up on the bus and they (and the viewer) don’t know if it was a dream or what really happened although as a viewer that would be frustrating if we don’t have closure.

5. Simulation – They were kidnapped and they’re in a coma/simulation where this is all playing out while they’re being held for ransom. I actually was just like eh/maybe about this theory but as I was thinking it through more I think I’m getting more behind this one. (More thoughts on this below). At the moment this is my front runner.

6. Experiment – I actually don’t like this one but still wanted to include it. Again (spoiler) it’s copying The Village kind of and I just don’t know how likely I think it would be especially if the parents are supposed to be involved. Just bizarre all around if this was it.

 Theories:

1. Now that we know their parents aren’t dead, I’m thinking we’re going to see the parents a lot in S2. I think it’ll flip back and forth between perspectives between New Ham and West Ham. Maybe even some flashbacks leading up to field trip day.

2. We’ll get a new mayor. I don’t see Harry/Lexie staying mayor throughout. I think Allie will be re-elected at some point in S2 or we’ll see a breakdown of the system and she or someone else will take back over. 

3. We’ll learn who Eden’s biological father is. I strongly felt like it was Luke (because of problems it would create) until the Thanksgiving episode. When Luke and Helena announced they were getting married it showed Becca as really happy and I’m not sure that would have been authentic if it was Luke. I think the creators would have either showed a slower response or not shown her at all. I think Campbell is a stronger possibility because of Becca asking Sam to never ask her that again. I think she regrets whomever she slept with. If it’s Campbell I think it would be pretty devastating to her relationship with Sam. Even though they’ve never been in a romantic relationship she has seen how Campbell has treated Sam over the years and I think Sam will be hurt that his best friend slept with his abuser/bully. I think it would really change their dynamic and could possibly push Sam away from Becca.

4. Luke and Helena’s wedding doesn’t happen or gets postponed. I think their relationship will breakdown. It could be if Luke is the father but I don’t think they’re going to go that route because of how S1 ends and Luke having to side with Campbell. I think Helena will learn what really happened and she’ll have strong feelings about Luke lying to her.

5. I think we’ll see more side characters added. The cast is large already but we’ll need to continue to see alliances made between sides and new problems added so I think they’ll introduce more people who have been in the background just like we saw Lexie take a more prominent role right at the end. 

6. We’ll learn more about Pfieffer. I’m not convinced that’s a person. I’m wondering if that’s a code word, company name, etc.

7. Kelly and Harry’s parents aren’t having an affair. I think the meeting at the hotel will actually be a meeting between council members surrounding the smell/blackmail/mystery, etc. I think the group will start expanding on the council knowing more leading up to the field trip and they’ll start looking at other council member’s offices, homes and find more were at the hotel meeting.

8. The parents are working on a plan but the show might not let us know that. If the show wants us to think it’s possible the group is dead then I don’t think they’ll show us much of the parents but I’m thinking we might see S2 pick up with the parents. We have only a few parents in the library as opposed to a large group like an official memorial. I think its council members meeting. I think they know the kids are alive and they’re being extorted for money or something that is very difficult for them to get.

9. Harry knows something. He called this all a game and he’s inferred several times that everything would be okay. I think he knows something more specific or his parents said something to him to make him think that something could possibly happen but that everything would be okay. He also was one of the few that wasn’t worried at all in those early days.

10. I really debated mentioning this theory because I worried some people might think I was victim blaming or glamorizing Campbell but bear with me. I think it’s possible Elle has a mental disorder and she is actually harming herself and not Campbell. We know Campbell is a diagnosed psychopath but the show hasn’t shown us the physical abuse they’ve led us to believe is happening. It didn’t show him branding her or hitting her. Elle also hasn’t specifically stated that Campbell is hurting her, she lets people infer it. I think there’s a reason for both and I think it’s because he didn’t do it and it was actually Elle who branded herself with the C. Also, remember the dog. If the dog is the same then Campbell didn’t kill it as we were originally led to assume. If Elle has a diagnosed mental illness then most likely she hasn’t been on medication for months. I think we’ll find out more about what her home life like in S2 because as it stands she is the most central character that we know the least about in regards to backstory. It also would add another layer of complexity to the show. The group might have to decide, do they hold someone against their will if they consider them to be a danger to themselves or others (she tried to kill Campbell). In S1 we saw how they had to handle illnesses like a snake bite, poisoning, pregnancy but they didn’t deal with mental illness outside of Harry’s depression. I could see them tackling something like schizophrenia and the stigma around mental illnesses.

11. Maybe no one is dead. If it is a simulation maybe the deaths are the parents getting kids out/rescued. This is hard because of Allie and Cassandra and the idea that a parent would have to choose a child to rescue and leave another behind (at least for now) except Cassandra had a serious heart condition. Maybe the parents would pay her ransom first because of her illness and have to wait longer for Allie. I just think in a lot of shows there are reasons why characters have illnesses, etc and it’s because the show is going to use them later but Cassandra’s was never really used because she died so quickly and in a way that had nothing to do with her heart so why even have the character with that issue? But if there had to be a reason why one child would be chosen and another left then illness could be a factor. Also, maybe two parents paid at the same time – Cassandra’s and Dewey’s and that’s why their deaths are somewhat tied together. I’ll admit, this is pretty out there. I totally get that but I like the idea that no one is dead.

 Questions I want the kids to start asking themselves:

1. Where did the bus drivers go? They dropped them off and then the buses left. If they’re not in town then that should mean there’s a way out.

2. Why is the power still on and water running? We’ve seen multiple shots showing electricity and water but both should be off at this point without anyone running those systems. Power and water plants won’t run for months on their own.

 Random thoughts:

Love the nods to different forms of governing. Really interesting and smart insights!

I see some parallels to Animal Farm. Especially with how power corrupts.

Kind of pondering if the literature/movie references are important. 500 Days of Summer has a nod because of the creator but we’re seeing some of the books and movies in certain shots and just curious if there are more to them than face value. For example, The Princess Bride is a story within a story...which brings me back around to the simulation theory.

I told you, the series is bananas.

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x06

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Yee-haw! So, did we get the promised Brokebacknatural? Cowboys? Check. Super gay? Double check.

Once again we got an episode, and I know I keep repeating myself here, that left no room for subtext. Everything was spelled out in neon letters. Which is weird, from a meta perspective. We are so used to look out for the subtext, and codes and hidden messages, and again it feels like the subtext just became plain text. And again, I don’t feel like this makes the episode better or worse, just different, and of course it leads to the overall question: WHY? And to me it feels like, or at least makes sense, like we are heading to the finish line here. I’m not saying the current season is the last, but maybe the next one. From a writer’s point it would make sense then to address themes that have been part of the subtext for a long time, and the only way to resolve them is to put them in the actual text of the show. (And yes, before you ask: Destiel. All the Destiel.)

Overall I liked the episode a lot. The actual case was kinda… there, they could have made more with it, I dunno. But I loved the Western theme and of course it was a big character episode. I think this week the focus was on Jack, and his relationship with Cas. We had a lot of great Dean moments as well, which brought the episode a light and fun atmosphere, and worked especially in contrast to last weeks episode, to make a big statement what or rather who made Dean so happy. The characters and their relationships were the selling point of the episode.

Let’s have a closer look.

Jack vs Evil Dead

There was a lot of Jack in the episode, and in the beginning he seemed to be in a relative happy place. He is obviously still trying to find out who he is, but it seems like hunting gave him some purpose, at least for a moment. We learned in 13x04 that he still thinks in terms of “good” and “bad” and that, through the influence of Sam and Dean, hunters are to him the good guys. They kill monsters and help the innocent.

Jack trying to be a hunter was of course meant to remind us of all the times Cas tried to act like a hunter. They both even use the same approach by watching what Sam and Dean do and try to copy it. Though I have to admit, with all my love for Cas, I think Jack has got the hang of it a bit faster. He found them a case, he found footage of zombie!Dave and identified him as Athena’s boyfriend. Top of his class, indeed.

I loved the relationship/interactions between Cas and Jack. I always like it when they add new characters to the team, to see new dynamics, not just Cas and Jack, but of course also the birth of team free will 2.0. Cas and Jack do balance out Sam and Dean in a way; they are both not human and outsiders of their own. And similar to last season where Cas could teach Mary about her sons now we have him teaching Jack how to handle a Winchester properly.

I’m not sure the show is ever going to address the “Did Jack brainwash Kelly and Cas?”-issue more than they did now. Jack confirms that he trusted Cas because his mother trusted him, that Cas made him feel safe and the fact that Cas is surprised Jack remembered that implies they talked about the events in 12x19. I have a feeling Dean won’t bring up the issue again – whatever Jack did with bringing back Cas he is forgiven. I’m not sure of either Cas or Jack were aware of the brainwashing. Every episode so far has shown us that until lately Jack had no control over his powers. Choosing Cas as his protector probably did happen unconscious, based on the feelings of his mother, who had become one with him at some point (probably when he resurrected her).

Cas supports Jack and believes in him, and I think he fulfils a role here neither Sam and Dean could. He is the one Jack chose as his father, as his mentor, he is the one who was supposed to be there for him. I don’t believe Jack still controls Cas in some ways, but rather that the affection is genuine. Cas repeats what Kelly told her son – that he is meant to do great things and that he has the power to make the world a better place. This very thing though puts a lot of responsibility on Jack. It is clear that he wants to do good, that he wants to prove to others and himself that he is not a monster, but it backfires horrible. It is clear that killing the security guard was a horrible accident, and Cas, Sam and Dean reassure him that in their line of work things like that keep on happening, but that it doesn’t mean he is bad, or that he should stop trying to do better. Each of them has done horrible things in the past, because the world is more complex than “good” and “bad”. It is part of being human, and we talk so much about Jack’s powers that we forget at times that he is half human too.

Especially in that aspect I think Jack mirrors Dean a lot. There is an early parallel when Jack tells Cas how much he missed him, how he begged for his return, or basically when he tells Cas everything Dean couldn’t. The Jack we see at the end of the episode, the one who decides to leave because he is afraid he is going to hurt his found family, is the one who reminded a lot of Dean in 9x10, who decided to leave because he thought of himself as “poison”. Dean is still the one who is the most honest with Jack – when he asks if the security guard had a family only Dean gives him a direct answer. Dean is the one who never tried to sugarcoat what he thought of Jack, but he is also the one who admits here that he was wrong about Jack. We saw a first small step in that direction at the end of 13x04, after Jack saved Sam, but it is clear that the turning point is Jack bringing Cas back.

Also, Jack refers to Cas, Sam and Dean as “all he has”. This and that he asked about the family of the man he killed shows how important family and family ties are to him, and that he thinks in categories of family the way we know Dean does as well. It wouldn’t surprise me if we end the season with Jack addressing the Winchesters (including Cas of course) as his family.

Something else I found interesting are Jack’s powers. By now he can control them in some ways. It is clear it is a learning process. What I am curious about though is what specifically are Jack’s powers. We know that one day he will be more powerful than his father. We know he has some angelic powers – he can teleport, bullets and knifes don’t hurt him etc. Unlike angels though you can’t banish him. He sleeps, even if he doesn’t sleep as much as humans. He eats and he seems to enjoy food. It is a mix between angelic powers and human needs. Then again he asked Cas to heal the security guard, even though we know that Jack can technically heal people, after all he saved his mother in 12x19, so we might see him exploring more powers in the future.

The most interesting part though is his power to open portals to other worlds, and the fact that he had the power to reach Cas in the Empty, a place where even God had no power. This made me wonder if the Empty perhaps exists outside of reality? And God’s powers only have access in places in our reality – earth, heaven, hell, purgatory, the veil. Could it be that every universe/reality has their own God? If there are different versions of the archangels, why not God? We know that Lucifer from our universe still has his powers in the AU world. But what if there is only one Empty, existing outside of all those realities? And only Jack, Death and the reapers have access to it? Does that make Jack more powerful than God?

Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other

(What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?)

So, after Dean said “I do” under a giant neon cross, I think it is fair to say that travelling to Doge City and dressing up as cowboys was Dean and Cas’s honeymoon?

I’m still in awe and wonder how obvious all the Destiel stuff was. Not just in this episode, during the whole season so far. It is the main topic with all my meta peeps here, because we still can’t believe that after years of digging deep through the subtext the show is now so blatant about Destiel. After 13x05 everyone and their mother said that Cas was presented as the win Dean so desperately needed, and now he textually confirms it, calling Cas even a “pretty big win”. Dean’s whole attitude and behaviour has changed, in the way that 13x05 and 13x06 almost work as a pair to show is exactly what the main difference is between the two episodes and Dean’s emotional state. I mean their mom is still trapped and Jack is still a potential danger, and this episode marks the first time he killed someone, even if it was only an accident. We expected to hear the “I told you”-speech from Dean, instead he is reaching out to Jack and takes care of his mess. Why? Because of Cas. Because Jack brought back Cas, and for the first time Dean can acknowledge the effort Jack applied.

It was in character that we didn’t get a great speech of Dean talking about his feelings (like I said, Jack already expressed what Dean felt). We are not at the point of the story yet where Dean is ready to use his words, though sooner or later he has to. Instead we got the car scene and the usual bickering between Cas and Dean, and it is only then that Dean admits how happy he is that Cas is back. It was very lighthearted and sweet and it again confirmed that Dean and Cas have a relationship off-screen (the movie Dean made Cas watch, the fact that Cas knows that Dean is an angry sleeper etc). Also, my new headcanon is that Metatron didn’t like Western movies, so they weren’t part of all the popculture knowledge he gave Cas. Dean might missed his chance to introduce Cas to Star Wars, but he will do his best to show Cas his favourite Western movies. All of them.

Wild Wild Dead

The case of the week was rather simple. There was a recurring theme of “things that look like other things”. In 13x02 we had with Asmodeus a shapeshifting demon, in 13x03 we had a wraith who looks human and 13x04 featured two actual shapeshifters and an ancient cosmic entity that took the form of our favourite angel. And we started this episode with Dean asking Cas if it is really him. It doesn’t take a big step to figure out that identity will be a big theme this season. Jack of course still struggles with his own, trying to find out who he is. And then of course we have the AU world or maybe even worlds, with a potential infinite amount of doppelgängers of characters we know.

We also have two characters coming back from the dead – Cas literary, and the ghoul who impersonates someone who died a long time ago. Both lose the one they wanted to protect – Cas loses Jack, Dave loses Athena. I’m not sure if this parallel was on purpose because Dave and Athena’s relationship wasn’t anything like the one between Jack and Cas. The first one was romantic and quite unhealthy, the second a parent-child-relationship, based on support. I also wonder if Athena was aware that her boyfriend was a ghoul? She seemed to know about the grave robberies and I thought for a moment she provided him with food, but she was surprised to find out he wasn’t exactly human, so.

Another character that was somehow paralleled/ associated with Dean was the Sergeant. The officer who was killed was his nephew; not his actual so, but still someone very close to him. Getting revenge for him was family business, to make it even more obvious. And he stated twice that he would kill the one responsible for his nephew’s death. And that is somehow problematic. I think it was perhaps part of the Western theme to show people who take the law in their own hands, with blazing guns and only one of them surviving. Still he was an officer of the law, and unlike Dean and the others he didn’t know at first that a monster was responsible for his nephew’s death. The show morally justified that hunters can kill monsters, if they have killed, because there is no monster prison. But there is no justification for humans to kill other humans, especially not officers of the law who should know better. The first monstrous humans though on the show have all been killed by officers of the law though (Pa Bender by Deputy Kathleen Hudak in 1x15 and Pete Sheridan by Detective Diana Ballard in 2x07). Sergeant Phillips is portrayed as a hero by the narrative, that he kills the monster in the end feels justified, but it shouldn’t.

Dean seemed also very calm when the ghoul aimed his gun at his head. Perhaps because he knew that Billie would bring him back, because he is important? Interesting though “stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard” was one of Dean’s potential deaths (I wonder if we will also get to see almost burned by a red haired witch and almost died by a heart-attack). After the ghoul is dead Dean takes care of Jack’s mess and is back to his usual “we were never here and we lie about what we do”-attitude. In contrast to 13x01 where he openly told the Sheriff that he is a hunter, because he no longer cared about anything. Now that Cas is back he does.

Some other things:

- Did nobody in town recognize Dave Mather? Did they all think it was just a great coincidence the undertaker’s new boyfriend looked exactly like the old west dude?

- Speaking of, why is nobody ever suspicious about their aliases? Texas ranger Val Kilmer? Seriously?

- Nina Lopez-Corrado, the director of the episode, smuggled herself in the episode twice: with Athena’s last name (Lopez) and again with the giant “Lopez” on top of the mausoleum in the graveyard.

- Does Sam like Amanda Palmer? He seemed interested. Adding this to my (very short) list of music Sam likes.

- The episode had great soundtrack choices.

- I’m still worried about Jack though. I hope he packed some lunch.

Until next week <3

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30th September 2018

I said last episode was going to be short (it ended up not being all too short at all) but, honestly, this episode is even more rushed, even more slap-dash and probably even shorter, despite how many new arrivals there are to talk about. The UK Top 40 is feeling really uninteresting for me right now and I think focusing on other projects like my own music, BLAST TO THE PAST and my upcoming year-end lists is what I’ll be doing until January rolls around, or at least something interesting happens. Anyways, that’s enough of me rambling, here’s the top 10.

Top 10

How to describe the top 3 songs in a nutshell? “How?” How is it still here? How is it still being successful? First of all, we have “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith not moving at number-one despite a clear lack of any real hook.

At number-two, the runner-up spot, we have “Eastside” by benny blanco, Khalid and Halsey, also not moving despite a clear lack of any real... anything, really.

And at number-three, we have a meme overstaying its welcome, as “I Love It” by Kanye West and Lil Pump featuring Adele Givens is still at number-three in its third week, due to insane streaming.

“Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille unfortunately moves up one space to number-four, which means...

“Body” by Loud Luxury and brando is kicked down a spot to number-five.

“Taste” by Tyga and Offset is hanging in there, not moving at number-six.

“Electricity” by Silk City and Dua Lipa, however, has moved up three whole spaces to number-seven.

In case that was too much excitement, glorified mash-up “In My Mind” by Dynoro and Gigi D’Agostino is staying still at number-eight.

We have a new entry into the top 10 at number-nine, with “All I Am” by Jess Glynne, making way for the album release.

Whilst all this is happening, however, “Falling Down” by Lil Peep and XXXTENTACION debuts at number-ten, and man, I don’t want to talk about this, so let’s just skip straight to the Climbers first.

Climbers

There’s one of them, and it’s only a five-space increase for “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings, entering the top 20. Good song and all, but geez, those are all the notable climbers? That’s kinda sad, and telling of the charts right now.

Fallers

Now this is where it gets slightly more interesting. First of all, Eminem: “Lucky You” featuring Joyner Lucas is down five spaces to #13, whilst “Fall” lives up to its name, plummeting 12 spaces to #25. Just to be fair to Em, however, I might as well mention “RAP DEVIL” by Machine Gun Kelly leaping off a cliff down 15 positions to #30. Hip-hop and R&B didn’t have a great week overall, actually, with “FEFE” by 6ix9ine and Nicki Minaj featuring Murda Beatz down six spaces to #34 and “God is a woman” by Ariana Grande falling nine spots to #39, while EDM suffered as well, as “Don’t Leave Me Alone” by David Guetta and Anne-Marie jumping down nine spots to #27, and “Rise” by Jonas Blue and Jack & Jack NOT living up to its name as it slips down six spaces to #38. Oh, and “Youngblood” by 5 Seconds of Summer is making its way down the charts, eight spaces down to #37. It had a good run.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Adding to Eminem’s losses is “The Ringer”, dropping out from #17, joining “Ay Caramba” by Stay Free Get Lizzy featuring Fredo and Young T & Bugsey out from #40, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble out from #35, “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa out from #39, “Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato out from #38, and very sadly, “Panic Room” by Au/Ra and CamelPhat out from #34, as one of the many, many drop-outs this week, making way for our SIX new arrivals. Let’s get into them, starting with a name I haven’t heard in years.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Guiding Light” – Mumford & Sons

So, you remember Mumford & Sons, right? The somewhat insufferable folk-rock band that had a major mainstream burst in the early 2010s because they were... actually a pretty weird time for pop music, but great for indie pop, which I guess Mumford & Sons can creep under. I’ve never necessarily been a fan of Mumford and his sons, but I’ve never listened to a full-length project either, so I can only form opinions off of the hit singles and, yeah, they don’t do much for me. So, has this new single given me any hope for your next record or at least any desire to listen to it?

Yeah, no. Hell, no. This really sucks. The dude’s voice is more nasal than ever, and there’s no rhythm in the constant guitar strumming and poppier piano melodies. It just feels all too still for what it is; I appreciate the electric guitars in the mix after the second verse, and the chorus isn’t necessarily a bad hook, it’s just that the song is monotonous and unfinished. The transitions are choppy, the songwriting skills are simply not there, some synths are pushed into the bridge for no reason, and more importantly, it’s almost cluttered, especially in the final chorus. This could have used some polishing but that’d probably be even worse – then it’d also be boring, and, yeah, I’d rather have it subtly infuriating.

#31 – “Better” – Khalid

Oh, Khalid, how I love your mellow voice and how I hate your hit-and-miss production. I hated “Love Lies” and “Eastside” for just feeling like bland, dull re-hashes, but “Young Dumb & Broke”, “Location” and “OTW” really hit the mark for me, so, with this new single, I’m curious to what he brings with the table... and unlike “Love Lies”, Khalid wins the battle of similarly-titled hit songs against Post Malone, as under that bouncy trap percussion, simple piano melody, female spoken word vocal samples and the seductive murmuring from Khalid is a real groove in that bassline, which I really like. That hook is catchy and fun too, with the added finger-snapping in the bridge just being the cherry on top. It’s not a masterpiece by any means, and I really would like some more natural percussion or some more intelligible vocals from Khalid (although I do like how they’re treated in the vocoder during the final chorus), but it’s a pretty great R&B track, with some subtle throwbacks to classic 90s music of the same genre (the talkbox) that I appreciate, that I simply do not have much to say about. Khalid will go down as a legend for making some of the most blandly fantastic music, I’m telling you. I recommend it, but don’t expect to exactly remember how it goes.

#21 – “No Stylist” – French Montana featuring Drake

So French Montana really does have a surprisingly large fanbase here in the UK, or at least sizeable enough for him to pretty frequently debut at similar positions. This track in particular, however, had the help of a Drake boost, meaning it could have potentially debuted in the top 20, and probably will rise to the top 20 next week or so. Does it deserve that? No, of course it bloody doesn’t, it’s a French Montana song. Sure, the Latin trap-inspired beat is okay and I do like the guitar loop, but the repetitive autotuned chorus with falsetto Montana is pretty freaking awful, the vocals (and to an extent, the instrumental) is mixed horribly, and Drake’s contributions are basically nonexistent – his verse is as short and cookie-cutter as a Drake verse could potentially be. This would be a waste of anyone’s time to listen to. You can get better Latin-influenced trap, you can get better Drake and you can get better music, full stop. Skip this.

#14 – “Let You Love Me” – Rita Ora

Rita Ora has never exactly impressed me as much as I think she should. I hated “Girls”, but a lot of her work is just mediocre and plain, which is typical of a UK pop girl with consistent success, but also pretty exhausting as a critic having to talk about her every few weeks, and this new single from her upcoming album isn’t really any different. It reminds me way too much of benny blanco’s “Eastside” for its own good, mostly because similarly to that song, it follows that recent washed-out, minimalistic tropical sound without adding any twist or great execution to give it any point in really existing... Rita Ora’s vocals are really not great on this, and no matter how much the finger-snapping and synth explosions in the chorus and drop (as well as that weird reverse instrumental moment) try and desperately add anything new to the song, it doesn’t succeed and this is just another disappointment from Rita Ora. Sorry, but this isn’t it.

Wow, four songs in a row, all of which, of varying quality, are not worth talking in-depth about, incredibly forgettable and most importantly of all, not interesting, on either side of the spectrum. I have nothing to talk about when it comes to Rita Ora, Khalid of French freaking Montana, however I do have a lot more to say about this next artist (and I’ve already said a lot).

#13 – “KILLSHOT” – Eminem

Weeks ago, we reviewed “RAP DEVIL” by Machine Gun Kelly, a great instrumental ruined by sloppy flows, a garbage hook and some really pathetic disses. It didn’t even seem worth Marshall’s time to return and hit back at Kelly, and I don’t think he even did that here – his bars aren’t consistently top-notch, the beat is just a pretty typical trap-rap beat that I heard on Kamikaze about 13 times, and he could have of dug even harder into MGK (especially with that shovel he had in the “RAP DEVIL” music video), but Eminem, even when he has a couple blunders, rarely ever fails with diss tracks, as he knows right where to hit them. He starts the song mocking some of MGK’s stranger disses, like how his beard is weird, before going straight into the verse, where somehow he sounds pretty awesome whilst blatantly lying about having relations with Rihanna, because, of course he does, it’s Eminem. On top of interpolating his hit song “Stan” to reference Kelly’s constant complementing of Em on “RAP DEVIL” and older Tweets, he brings up how Eminem’s age, although being referenced in “RAP DEVIL” frequently, was completely irrelevant, as at 45, Em still outsells Kelly... by a freaking landslide. His flow switching up throughout is pretty fantastic, and I love how the song works outside of the diss for the most part. He also lands some essential Eminem diss-track lines, such as, uh, asking the victim what he’s eating?

Are you eating cereal, or oatmeal? / What the f***’s in the bowl, milk? Wheaties and Cheerios? – Eminem, “KILLSHOT”

Your mouth is open, you’re disgusting, what the f*** you eat for lunch? What, you munch a bunch of Crunch and Munch? – Eminem, “Big Weenie”

Although it’s best we just don’t mention “Big Weenie” at all...

Pippity-ka-ka-poo-poo! – Eminem, “Big Weenie£

Some of the highlights of “KILLSHOT” include lines about how Em made his career just to destroy it a week later (which seems currently to be entirely true seeing as how Kelly has been doing since), and him going as far as to just briefly develop old rumours into borderline conspiracy theories about how Diddy shot 2Pac (although he IS just playing, as he clarifies later on), although not all lines hit. Kelly’s not exactly a “mumble-rapper”, Eminem criticising Auto-Tune is hypocritical and the “dictionary” hashtag rap line is just bloody stupid. He ends off pretty effectively, though, saying that Kelly should “leave Em’s d*** in his mouth and keep his daughter out of it”, referring to a few tweets Kelly made about a 16-year-old Hailie a few years back. Oh, and I can’t forget my personal favourite line:

How you gonna name yourself after a damn gun / And have a man-bun?

#10 – “Falling Down” – Lil Peep and XXXTENTACION

Okay, yes, as much as it sickens me to see two tragic deaths being milked by the label so blatantly without any care for the fans or the original artists’ wishes and how we’re replacing an openly gay rapper’s verse with someone who nearly beat a gay man to death in prison for looking at him, as well as putting him on the same track as Lil Peep, who stated several times before he died that he didn’t like X, just to add insult to injury, and as much as it sickens me to see the scripts flipped after the release, as ILoveMakonnen and each rappers’ families covering up the fact that it is graverobbery due to label pressure and their fear of bad publicity is frankly disgusting on the label’s part, I’m trying not to care because I feel like too much attention on that will cloud my judgement on the music, and, well, like most of X’s music, it’s hard to separate the art from the artist. Listen, I love this beat to death, the synths and guitars are so cutesy and fun, but Peep’s vocals perfectly contrast them in their rough emo angst (no, X adds nothing at all worthwhile to the track until the interlude, but we’ll get to that). It’s a fun emo-pop bop that although I feel guilty doing so, will probably be listening to... or at least I would, if he didn’t have an annoying spoken word interlude with X talking about Lil Peep’s death, and how it intrigued him to watch interviews and collaborate, which parallels a certain situation with X, who will soon be featured on hit singles by Lil Wayne and Kanye. Oh, and the fact that I’m pretty sure Peep says “Ko’” in referral to ILoveMakonnen on the chorus, which does kind of put me off considering Ko’s no longer there, but that’s not an issue and I could be easily mishearing “come” as Genius lists the lyrics as currently.

Conclusion

Okay, so, six new arrivals, four titles. Eminem would get the Honourable Mention for “KILLSHOT” if not for the implications of “Falling Down”, but with them, he gets Best of the Week. A tied Honourable Mentions between Lil Peep, XXXTENTACION and Khalid for both “Falling Down” and “Better” sounds like a nice compromise. French Montana and Drake clearly earn Worst of the Week here, for “No Stylist”, but the Dishonourable Mention for Mumford & Sons with “Guiding Light” is giving them close competition. See ya next time!