#I also haven’t gone straight for a minute but when I do I make sure to wash it every 5 days minimum so it doesn’t make me wash day happy

[stuckinapril]

My relationship w my curly hair is NOT stable. Sometimes I’m like I’m blessed to have these chocolate spirals. They make me look young wild untamed. Other times I’m like I’m gonna chop it up to my shoulder blades so I never have to take care of it ever again

[erosiism]

GENSHIN MEN AND…

prompt: HOW THEY WOULD REACT IF YOU SACRIFICED YOUR LIFE FOR THEM | part two

character(s): childe, ayato [part one is finished, it features diluc & zhongli]

warnings(s): angst ofc—mention of blood, my first post on tumblr so my writing style may be a little icky, inaccuracies since I haven’t looked up genshin lore for a hot minute 

note(s): male reader, second person, present tense, not beta read

AYATO

note(s); you are his fiance

Your marriage alliance is purely for business. Ayato knows that. He’s the head of the Yashiro Commission's Kamisato plan—he’s busy, for god’s sake. He doesn’t want to waste time or beat around the bush: if he is to marry you, the only son of the L/n clan, he will, but he doesn’t want you to expect any pleasantries. He will be cordial and polite enough, but he doesn’t have the time to butter you up. He will mind his own business, and so will you. He is not one for earthly desires. He cares far more for his clan’s prestige and for surviving to play the role of a husband.

“[Name], right?” He smiles at you. You smile back, your posture stiff and your smile fixed painfully on your face. “I’m sure we know what this marriage is intended for.”

Your skin feels tight. “I do.”

“You can go to Thoma should you have any inquiries. My sister will help you too should you need anything.”

You tilt your head. Your tone is straightforward and blunt. “And you?”

“I’ll be busy,” Ayato says politely.

“I understand.”

There: your first conversation had been completely unremarkable and bland. But Ayato had appreciated that you had been straight to the point. You had been completely no nonsense, and Ayato at least, did not feel annoyed. He has too many things on his plate to deal with trivial things like romance: too many rival clans are trying to assassinate him, too many people are trying to destroy his clan. He does his own things, you do too. Occasionally you two meet—it’s just one house, after all, and you two make polite conversation. You make for a rather amusing partner at times, you make him laugh, and with you he feels relaxed.

Sometimes he plays the tricks he plays on Thoma; but it’s almost impressive to see you stomach the strange food he feeds you. You tease him with a rather sweet straight face; in calm tones, you poke fun at him. Ayato forgets that the two of you are married, at times, but there are also the rare times that he’s almost pleased.

Months pass after your encounter. The two of you have lapsed into a routine. Ayato finds that there are times he almost looks forward to the occasions the two of you meet. He starts planning brief instances where he can see you: he starts to finish his work a little quicker so he’ll be able to see you. He lessens your workload so you won’t be tired. He buys trinkets that remind him of you. He starts to reach out to you a lot more. 

He notices you smiling more. You seem pleased, joyful, even at this. 

(“Gosh,” Ayaka tells him once, smiling sweetly. “You two do act like a married couple.”

Married. Ah. Right. Ayato has nearly forgotten.)

One day, as he’s out, he spots a gem the color of your eyes. He spends a decidedly long time looking at it, choosing it carefully, before he tucks it in your pocket. You deserve to have nice things, he thinks to himself. And so he will give it to you. His husband.

But when he returns home, he doesn’t expect to see the sight of you barely breathing, your breaths shuddering, your body limp. Thoma and Ayaka are not in sight. They must have gone out today. And you…

The gem clinks in his pocket as he runs towards you.

“[Name],” Ayato calls for your messily, the words falling over each other as they spill from his mouth, “[Name]!”

The last word is a yell. “[Name], please…who did this to you?”

“Those bastards,” you say weakly, “from…that…clan…they wanted information. They…”

“And you—”

“I didn’t give it to them, if that’s what you were worried about,” you manage to choke out. “I know how important it was to you.”

The information. Right. The scrolls. Right. Important? Perhaps months ago Ayato would have agreed. After all, that was months, almost a year of hard work. But looking at you now, Ayato begged to differ. Here you were, bleeding out, dying, because of him.

You sacrificed yourself. You sacrificed yourself for him.

“I know what this marriage was intended for,” you repeat the words he had told you when you two had first met. His husband. His beloved husband. His darling. “I’ve honored it.”

“No,” Ayato cradles you, feeling as if life escapes your body. Your body is turning cold. “No!”

It’s too late. The gem rolls out of his pocket, and Ayato despairs.

The gem is no longer the color of your beautiful eyes.

It’s bathed in red.

CHILDE

note(s); you are from fatui

There are countless deaths when it comes to Fatui. It has become disturbingly normal. And you are Tartaglia’s subordinate. The eleventh harbinger’s associate. You two hit it off, immediately: you are of similar age, and you have a little brother the same age as Teucer. Or: you had a little brother. He was torn away from you because of your poor living conditions in Snezhnaya. And that was what spurred you on to make a last ditch attempt to join the Fatui to find a purpose somehow; to riddle yourself with work so you cannot think of your brother’s death.

Childe has been nothing but sweet to you so far. You have been seeing two sides of him: the tender, gentle side to him when he talks about Teucer, when he speaks of the little letters he gets from his siblings, or on the occasions he speaks to you. And the other is more wild; more bloodthirsty—and in those instances, you can see the marks that the Abyss has left on him. That uncontrollable urge to ravage everything in sight; to leave it broken and damaged.

Today is no different. The two of you tread the snow as you walk up the mountains. Childe is laughing as he is telling you stories. You listen to him like you always do. Neither of you spot the Ruin Guards. Not even three—by some wretched curse, there are five of them, lumbering behind. And by the time their shadows loom before the two of you, it’s too late.

Childe flinches; you reach out to him in desperation before you see him shift into his Foul Legacy form. 

What rotten luck, you curse to yourself, adrenaline starting to fill in. What kind of stupid thing have we walked into?

You have seen him use it a few times—once against three Ruin Guards. He defeated them without much difficulty—but you had seen the after effects. You had seen the way he had panted for his breath; the way his face had turned pale, the way he had quivered and had grasped onto you and the Traveler for help.

He does the same. There’s still two remaining, and Childe’s still standing. But you see him clutching his head. You think of Teucer. Childe has a family to return to. You have no one. In a way, this action would be the most logical. The most understanding. It will be a sacrifice for Childe and his brother. You know the pain of losing a brother—you don’t want Teucer to go through that again.

“I think I can handle them,” you tell Childe quietly. You don’t have a vision, but you have a delusion you have yet to use. “Go. Rest.”

“[Name],” Childe warns.

“Teucer.” Is the only word you say.

Childe’s eyes widen. He bites his lip. He sees your point—you knew he would. 

“I’ll come back alive,” you promise.

“[Name],” he tries again.

“See you later.” It’s a clear dismissal. 

You push him a little to the side; Childe stumbles away. Then you quickly unleash the delusion you have kept and unsheathe your sword. Childe was the one that taught you how to use a sword—and now you recall his advice as you step to the side. The delusion has potentially lethal consequences. You know that. It’s your first time using it. You know that too. The energy thrums in your fingertips as you start to battle—the crimson lashes out between your teeth and blows start to rain on you.

You think of your brother. It was your lack of strength that caused his death—you can still remember his shouts, his screams—and even now they haunt you. You don’t waver, but your stance and your attacks become sloppy. Useless, you think harshly, useless! I can’t even—

The delusion unleashes more power in your desperation. The ruin guards start to sway and fall. You continue, but now blood is bursting from every crevice, every corner: wounds open, flesh tears away, and your mouth overflows with blood. The ventricles of your heart seem to be pulsing dangerously—the delusion is ripping away your mortality in return for its power. You continue. Your eyes start to tear—

Thuds tell you of the defeat of the guards. You slump in relief. Your feet carried you to Childe, who has collapsed on the ground.

“Childe,” you call weakly. “I…”

The words don’t leave your throat. Your broken stance is not the one that jolts him from his consciousness, but it is the splutter of blood and the horrid gargle your throat make when you start to retch out blood that horrifies him.

“[Name]!” He yells, “[Name]!”

“Let me close my eyes,” you plead. “I’m so tired.”

“No. Let’s—let’s get you to—”

“Please,” you start to beg him. “I think…”

Childe knows better. You will die if you close your eyes. He has to get you help—he can’t let you die. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

He has loved you. He loves you. He adores you.

“You promised me,” Childe starts to whisper brokenly, “you promised me, [Name]. You said you'd come back alive. You said you will…”

The promise is shattered when your head slips from his grasp.

Your first and last promise to him, broken.

comments, reblogs, and likes are always appreciated

[lowlights]

Hi. I'm back, and I wrote this in about an hour so be nice. This is 100% inspired by @ezrasbirdie's Twinkle and the very lovely dream it gave me. So this is Birdee's fault.

*

Perfect Fit

Frankie Morales x plus size f!reader // 1.3k

Warnings: Reader is a curvy lady with big titties and a belly, f receiving oral, mutual masturbation, cum eating, lots of praise, language, a smidge of insecurity but it doesn't last long, reader borrows Frankie's shirt, a very feral Frankie who has got it BAD for reader. Use of good girl and bebita. I also maintain that Frankie is a babbler during sex. Oh also Frankie is in sweatpants, which is a gift to us all.

*

The flickering lights of the TV lit up your face, an old rom-com from the '90s that you had seen a million times playing on the screen. You laughed at every joke, even though you could recite every line if asked. Frankie heard you mutter them under your breath sometimes, which he would have found annoying if it had been anyone else. Never with you though. 

He wasn’t paying a damn bit of attention to the movie, though.

Not for the past twenty minutes at least. Not when you were wearing those leggings and his threadbare grey t-shirt which you had borrowed for the night. Frankie could barely drag his eyes away from how his shirt pulled tight on your gorgeous tits or how the hem had rolled up just enough to show your soft tummy. 

He felt like a pervert ogling you like a fucking teenager who could barely control himself, even though you had been dating for more than six months. He was allowed to ogle, but you had just had a week from hell at work and had been looking forward to a relaxing night at Frankie’s place. He could keep his hands off of you for a couple of hours so you could watch your favorite movie in peace. 

You shifted slightly on his brown leather sectional and leaned into him, tucking your legs up and under you. Frankie stiffened, and you noticed. Normally he would put his hand on your knee or his arm around your shoulder. Instead, his hands flexed as he straightened out invisible wrinkles on his sweatpants.

“You alright, babe?” You pushed a stray curl behind Frankie’s ear. You made a mental note to give him a haircut this weekend. You’d been putting it off; you liked his hair on the longer side. 

“Fine, fine. Just, uh- gonna go get a glass of water.” He stood up so quickly that you practically fell over. 

“I…okay?” you mumbled as he made a beeline for the kitchen. He was gone long enough for the movie to culminate with the big romantic kiss and the happily ever after, making his way back to the couch as you clicked off the credits. He settled back next to you but a little further away than before and stared straight ahead. 

Doubt gnawed at you. “Are you upset with me, Frankie? Is it because I made you watch this dumb movie again?” you asked softly, fiddling with one of your rings. The relationship was still new enough that you didn’t know how to read all of his emotions just yet.

His head whipped around. “What? No! Not at all, baby. I’m just- tired. You’re tired too, yeah? Should we go to bed?” His eyes darted down to your shirt, which made you realize how far it had ridden up. 

You pulled down on it out of habit, and Frankie frowned. “Are you sure?” you asked. 

Frankie shook his head. “C’mere,” he instructed as he helped you over to straddle his hips. You draped your arms around his broad shoulders, gasping slightly as he rolled his erection against you. “You’ve been driving me fucking crazy, baby. Do you know that? Feel what you do to me?” 

“But I haven’t been doing anything?” You were genuinely confused. 

Frankie nuzzled his nose against your chest, breathing heavily. “You look so good in my shirt. Damn, it fits you just fucking right.” 

You cupped his face and pulled him up for a kiss, his tongue immediately begging for entrance. Frankie kissed you like it was his last chance, like you were the last gasp of air he would ever take. “This shirt barely fits,” you admitted when you both broke to catch your breath. 

“It’s perfect,” he said adamantly. “Don’t ever wear anything else.” 

You giggled and kissed him again before he lifted you off and leaned you back so you could stretch out on the chaise portion of the couch. He had fucked you more than once here in the months since he had bought it. A christening, he had called it, the night it had been delivered. 

Without a word, Frankie helped you shimmy out of your leggings and underwear, stopping to stare at you as he tossed them over his shoulder. You smiled, and felt powerful. No man ever looked at you the way Frankie had looked at you since the first night you met. He was enraptured, enthralled. And he looked like he wanted to feast on you. You bent one knee up and let it fall against the couch. His cock noticeably jumped, pressing against his sweats. 

“Oh fuck. Look at my girl, she looks so pretty.” Frankie settled on his belly and pulled your leg up over his shoulder. He left a trail of kisses up your inner thigh before softly kissing your cunt. He buried his nose against your curls and inhaled deeply. “Smell so fucking good for me.” 

Frankie wasted no time and licked a slow and tortuous stripe up your slit before flicking his tongue against your clit. He built a steady pace, pushing you to the edge and easing back over and over again. 

“Christ, Frankie, oh my- Frankie, Frankie, Frankie,” you babbled as you threaded your fingers through his hair, pulling him against your cunt as it clenched around nothing. He licked up everything you gave him before standing up and ripping off his clothes, his cock bobbing as he stepped out of his pants. His chin was wet with your orgasm, and his pupils looked blown out. 

“Bebita, I need you to touch yourself. Rub that gorgeous clit, please? Please, baby,” he begged, stroking and squeezing himself as you gently rubbed circles on your sensitive clit. “Such a good girl, doing just what I ask.” 

His praise made something low in your stomach clench and you arched your hips up, eyes fluttering closed.

“No, bebita, look at me, please. Lemme see those eyes. Yes, yes. Can you put a finger inside?” he practically begged, hand quickening over his leaking cock. 

“Yes, Frankie,” you shuddered as you exhaled, slipping one finger easily into your relaxed cunt. 

“Another, baby, please?” He moaned, never taking his eyes off you, as you complied and added in a second finger. He watched you move them in and out, snaking your other hand down to rub on your clit. “I’m so close, where- where can I? Quick, tell me.” 

You pulled your fingers out and spread your legs wide. “Here, Frankie, here.” The words had barely left your mouth before he was standing over you, one knee resting on the couch as he decorated your pussy with ropes of cum. You gripped his thigh and watched as he worked himself through his orgasm. He was always so pretty when he came, mouth open and dark brown eyelashes grazing against his cheeks. 

Frankie bent over to where you leaned against the cushion so he could kiss you, whispering praise between each breath and lick of his tongue. “Gonna get you cleaned up,” he said finally. 

You expected him to go get a washcloth from the bathroom - he always made sure it was nice and warm - but instead, he settled back between your thighs. “Frankie?” you squeaked as he started licking your inner thigh. 

“I said I need to clean you up, baby. Now take off that shirt and let me see those pretty tits?” He looked up at you with pleading eyes. You would do anything he asked, and in this moment he knew it. You tossed your shirt over your head and Frankie rolled your nipple between his thumb and finger as he dove back down between your thighs. 

“Good girl, always so good for me,” he hummed as he licked himself off of you. “Gonna make you come again on my tongue, then I’m gonna make you come on my cock. Gonna have you all night, bebita.” 

You threw your head back as he sucked gently on your clit. “All this because I wore your shirt?” you chuckled. 

Frankie was too busy to respond. But he made good on his promises that night. 

And always left the shirt out for you to wear whenever you wanted. 

[ponderingmoonlight]

what if you were a sorcerer who was dating nanami and when you came back from some mission abroad you got to meet itadori and watch nanami be all dad-like (and itadori obviously loves you)

I LOVED this idea and I thank you in the name of everyone reading this fic for suggesting it before what happened last episode 😭 Please let me know what you think!

Nanami's girlfriend watching Nanami being in full dad mode with Yuji

Pairing: Nanami x girlfriend!reader

Word Count: 1,6k

Synopsis: After finally coming back home from a mission far away, all you want to do is seeing your precious boyfriend Kento again. But instead of a afternoon of cuddling him, you get to see him act like a real dad towards a new student.

Warnings: Really none, mild language here and there, Nanami being the best dad ever, this is the comfort we all need

It’s been a hell of a month. A month of desperately fighting against countless curses, a month away from the love of your life. At first it was like a punch in your face, realizing that you won’t be able to see Kento within the next weeks. And even though you texted every free minute and he called you every night, you missed him more than anything. But now, you’re finally on your way back. Back into your normal life, back into the open arms of your boyfriend.

Your feet carry you down the path to Jujutsu High on their own, remembered with every fiber of your being. Despite all the horrible things you had to endure, being a jujutsu sorcerer feels like your unshakable fate. Even better that Kento is right by your side every step of the way.

“(y/n), is that you? Haven’t see ya for ages! Heard you did really well at…wherever you were”, Gojo shouts from afar.

Your heart jumps up and down in joy, turning around and waving at him frantically. Oh, you never thought you’d miss seeing his stupid grin every morning this much.

“I’m just glad it’s over. Hey, did you see Kento? I’m searching for him”, you reply.

Please, let him be at Jujutsu High. When he called you yesterday, he wasn’t sure whenever he’ll have to leave for a mission today or not. Maybe he’s still here, maybe you’ll be able to help him out. Fighting by his side definitely sounds better than waiting another second to see him, even though all you want to do right now is lay down and sleep for 15 hours straight.

“Oh, he’s in the main building, talking with a new student. You should pay them a visit, I’m sure Yuji will love you.”

Yuji, huh? You haven’t heard his name before. To be honest, the only new student you know of his Megumi Fushiguro. Were you really gone that long? You sign to yourself before shaking your head, a smile forming itself on your lips.

Other than your boyfriend, you love to greet the new students with all your heart. After all, they are your future, the ones who will look after everything when you are gone. It’s your responsibility as well to make them feel welcomed, right?

“In the classroom?”

“Yup. I have to leave now, send my best wishes to precious Nanami!”

You giggle to yourself with a wide smile, moving towards the main building of Jujutsu High, Gojo’s dumb grin still present in your mind. Despite the fact that Kento tells you over and over how annoying that white-haired man is, you know that he still likes him deep down.

Deep deep down.

“Kento?”, you gently question into the biggest classroom in the building, eyes peaking through the door ever so slightly.

Your heart jumps in confusion. Huh, he’s not there. But Gojo sounded so sure of his words. Also, he just came back from the main building, so he knew for sure…

“Where the hell are you”, you mutter to yourself, roaming around the different rooms like a lost puppy.

Until suddenly, your ears perk up.

“Nanami-sensei, I’m looking forward working with you!” a young male voice announces with so much passion that you just have to draw closer.

Wait, did that boy just call your boyfriend Nanami-sensei?

“I’m not a teacher here, don’t call me sensei.”

You giggle to yourself at the annoyed tone in Kento’s voice. Oh, you just know that this touched his heart, without any doubt. Even if he’d never admit it.

“Sorry, it’s just that I think I can learn a lot from you. Gojo-sensei told me about your abilities and I want to be as good as you someday!”

Your heart melts in an instant against the wall, a gently smile plastered on your face. What a sweet boy. Is he the one Gojo talked about earlier, the new student who just arrived named Yuji?

“I’m just here to do my work, Itadori”, your boyfriend remarks dryly.

You bet he crossed his arms in front of his chest, his tall figure lingering over the boy as if he wouldn’t care about his words at all. But you know him better than that. You know he’ll tell you about all the things this student said just before drifting off to sleep that night. Your fingertips begin to tickle, body aching to move closer to the door, to enter it, to finally see your boyfriend again. It’s been so long since you last saw him him, months without sinking into his opened arms.

Fuck it.

“Kento”, you breathe out, body stumbling through the door when you finally catch a glimpse of him.

Oh, he looks just as good as you imagined. Hair neatly trimmed as usual, broad chest covered by his dark blue shirt with his sleeved rolled up ever so slightly and his strong arms crossed.

The eyes of the boy in front of him widen, a bright grin forming on his lips when catching a glimpse of you.

“You must be the new student. Welcome at Jujutsu High! My name is (y/n) and I am a grade 1 sorcerer and this man’s girlfriend. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to call me”, you interduce yourself warmly along with giving him a soft clap on his shoulder.

“You are Nanami-sensei’s girlfriend?”, he repeats without thinking twice.

“Don’t call me that”, Kento grumbles.

“It’s so nice to finally see you again, sweetheart. I missed you”, he continues, placing his hand around your waist in a way that makes you see stars.

Your heart skips a beat, body falling against his in an instant. If he only knew how much you missed him too, how much it touches you to finally be able to lean against his shoulder again. But you will have to put your longing feelings aside until the evening. After all, Kento still has work to do as it seems.

“It’s an honour to meet you, (y/n)-sensei! I hope to work with you someday.”

“Oh, you definitely will”, you giggle at the sweet boy with pink hair in front of you.

“I’ll leave now for my mission.”

“Wait”, Nanami interrupts immediately.

You look up at your boyfriend in surprise. Why is his jaw suddenly so tight?

“There is no way I will let you go there alone.”

“But Nanami-sensei-”

“Don’t call me that. As far as I know, this might be a grade 1 curse. I won’t let you go on your own.”

Oh god, he’s worried. Despite he tries to hide it so miserably, it’s written on his slightly scrunched up face.

You desperately try to hide the grin that starts creeping up your facial features from your boyfriend, covering your cheeky mouth with your hand. It was rare for you to actually see him around his students. And while you know very well how much he cares for him, you never thought he’d sound like a full-on dad while talking to them.

“So you’ll come with me?”

The eyes from the boy in front of you light up immediately, jumping up and down in joy while your boyfriend signs next to you.

“Come on, show a little mercy”, you mutter into his ear amused.

“Get going, Itadori-kun. I don’t want to be late for dinner.”

“Of course, Nanami-sensei. Oh, it was really nice to meet you, (y/n)-sensei, I really hope I’ll see you again someday.”

“Come on or we’ll be late”, your boyfriend protests.

-later that evening-

“How are you doing, love? Does it still hurt?”

Gently, you rub the ointment on the minor wound that is left on his right side, eyes locked with his gorgeous ones.

“Don’t worry, I’m alright. It’s Itadori-kun I’m worried about.”

“You seem to really care about this boy”, you comment softly, hands busy with bandaging him up.

“Not in the way you suggest”, he immediately replies, serious eyes locking with yours.

Pictures of your first encounter with Yuji flood your mind, how your boyfriend spoke to him and refused to let him go on his own. And even now, he seems to have this boy on his precious mind.

“You kinda act like a dad though.”

His eyes widen in horror, hand grabbing your shoulder faster than you’re able to react.

“That’s not true.”

“I doubt it”, you challenge him with a bright smile, bursting out in uncontrollable giggling.

With a swift motion he places himself on top of you, staring down at you in all seriousness with a minor spark of humour glimmering in his eyes while you can’t catch your breath from all the laughter.

“I’m not acting like a dad.”

“Oh, you totally do”, you press out, the sheer weight of his immense body on top of yours making it hard to breathe along with snickering your heart out.

“I just don’t want him to get hurt. He’s still in his first year and new at Jujutsu High. Also, I’m not fully convinced that Gojo takes good care of him”, Nanami explains briefly.

“Well, that’s exactly what good dads do.”

“(y/n)”, he warns you.

He wraps his arms around you so tightly that you aren’t even able to see his face anymore, dying of laughter against his chest while making a few miserable attempts to free yourself out of his grip. God, how much you love that man. How much you love the way he cares about others while not admitting to himself, how he looks after people before thinking even about himself. Kento Nanami has a heart made out of pure gold that he shows far too rare.

“But do you…do you really think I’d be a good dad?”

Tags:  @arehzhera @ploylulla @tzubaki @beatrexworld @kenstarsworld @dazaisdick @hellkaiserinphoenix  @lauv4chuuya @shadowfoxey @starlightanyaaa @sindela @kayleegomez @sunshine7queen @magalimachete @mokoartpost @gatitam @idontknow1123 @creative1writings @sanicsmut  @mynahx3 @sad-darksoul @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix @chuyasthighs0 @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @wxwieeee @lovelyluna1 @froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @gojosrealwife  @coffeeluvr96 @mahi-tamashi @weebotaku21 @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain  @risuola  @sugurulefttesticle @wordskeeper @baku2345 @polarbvnny

[kriffingstars]

Johnny MacTavish; if i were a worm

pairing: Johnny MacTavish x Price!Reader summary: Would you still love me if I was a worm? warnings: verrrrrry slight age gap (I imagine reader to be around 20, Johnny is 26) a/n: right here we go, new part! follow up to found out will be up next. i’ve been working on it for a few weeks. i’ll be releasing it christmas day, new zealand time. please, please send me some fluffy asks about this fic, I need some drabbles to lighten up the angst I’ve been writing.

“Hey, Sweets?”

You’re lying on Johnny’s sofa, when he moves his body so he’s looking straight up at you, head still in your lap.

You mumble a yes, as your hands still continue to card through his freshly cut mohawk. The two of you had spent the morning messing around in his bathroom, as he instructed you very carefully how to use the clippers.

His blue eyes study your face, as he blurts out, “Would you still love me if I was a worm?”

“Hmm,” is all you give him, as a smile creeps onto your face. You can tell by the way he narrows his eyes at your non-immediate reaction, that’s he’s expecting you to answer with a firm yes.

His smile drops slightly when you make a face, looking slightly disgusted at the thought of worm-Johnny.

“Worms are a good source of protein right?”

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Johnny’s moving faster than you’ve ever seen him, and positions himself opposite you. It’s a bit of a sight. He’s flushed and spluttering as he’s trying to put a sentence together, and his hair is sticking up at all angles.

“You’d eat me?!”

As nonchalantly as you can muster you say, “I mean maybe. Could fry you in some butter and garlic, or deep fry you. That seems a bit more on brand.”

“Yer can’t eat me!” his brows furrow, and his shoulders tense even more as his discontent becomes even more obvious.

Johnny’s a lot of things, but one of the things he’s not, is good at telling when you’re winding him up. He does it constantly to you, and you fall for it most of the time. You’ve also become accustomed to the familiar glint in Johnny’s eye when you know he’s done something. It’s a very similar look that’s in you eyes as your boyfriend throws a fit over you potentially eating hypothetical-worm-Johnny.

“Well you’d be a worm, darling. I couldn’t do much for you, and the cat would probably eat you. At least you’d be in my stomach!”

With a deep breath he claps his hands together, bringing his fingertips up to his lips, and releases the air trying to comprehend what you’ve just said and how you’re trying to justify it.

“Yer meant to say that you’d still love me and you’d build me a little home in one of those glass pot things and I can live on your desk. Not that you’re going to turn me into scran.”

With that last outburst he’s jumping off the sofa, as you hide your glee behind your palm that is currently, firmly pressed to your mouth. You didn’t even need to hide it from Johnny at this point, he was long gone.

After about five minutes you could still hear him clanging in the kitchen, muttering about how well he’d treat you as a worm. You’re trying so incredibly hard to focus on the book you were reading before Johnny joined you on the sofa, intent on distracting you, and keeping him company.

At least payback was amusing. Hopefully he’ll be over it soon enough. Turns out soon enough isn’t now because he’s poking his head back into the living room, firmly set on continuing the conversation.

“You know you should cherish me, even in worm form.”

Looking up from your book you meet your boyfriend’s gaze. He’s certainly calmed down a bit but non the less, annoyed that you haven’t answered his hypothetical question in the loving and tender way he wanted you to.

“Fine, I’ll put you in the terrarium, but I’m giving you back to your mum for Christmas.”

Obviously engaging in the conversation causes Johnny to enter the room completely, hands on hips, ready for another play argument.

You’re not sure what about this conversation but the man in front of you seems to be enjoying this just as much as you are. Despite his displeasure at your ‘in-caring’ words to worm-Johnny.

“Okay, but you’ve got to tell Mam that it’s me because she’ll leave me to fend for myself in the garden.”

Finally finding the conversation coming to the end of its course. You can’t help but take the perfect opportunity to get under his skin once again.

You smile, wait a moment and then peak over the top of your book.

“If your Mum loved you as much as you say she does, she’d recognise you even as a worm.”

What you didn’t expect was Johnny to have had enough of you pulling his leg and scooping you up over his shoulder, as he run through the flat. Socks skidding slightly on the hard wood floor as he rounds the corner, and dropping you unceremoniously onto his bed.

You’re both red in the face now, as you fall into each other, still laughing, before you cup his cheek gently pulling his gaze up to you. Faces inches apart.

“I would love you in any form, I’d just prefer it if I could do this,”

His lips are warm, and the stubble on his cheeks is prickly as you cup your hands around his face. This is the kind of Johnny you try to remember when he’s off on deployment.

Happy, carefree, and completely in love.

Taglist: (please let me know if you’d like to be added, all requests from my taglist will get priority)

@cassiecasluciluce @misshoneypaper @unknownduck0 @iwannabealocalcryptid@darkangel4121 @clear-your-mind-and-dream @mothiing @pepsicolacoochie@samanthamarkle92 @fullmoon-94 @poohkiee90 @calabeebee

[catladyoftheyr]

Too Sweet (Ch 3)

Harvey x Reader

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 4

Summary: picking up off last chapters cliffhanger and diving straight into Harvey’s 4 heart event. You resolve the conflict after the incident with George, Harvey gives you a checkup, and you two share a jar of pickles in his apartment. 💘🥒

Authors note: I know nothing about the Air Force I’m so sorry. It’s just for the plot and vibes. He needed a backstory!!

Word count: 1.7k! A longer chapter as a treat

“Harvey! Oh my god why are you here? Wait, no, I don’t mean it like that” the surprise visit from the doctor had you stumbling over your words. “You scared me. And I don’t actually think your mustache is stupid. I just… I was really embarrassed about what happened earlier.”

“I actually stopped by to thank you for backing me up earlier. George can be stubborn, so I’m glad you got him to listen to you.” The doctor averted eye contact and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Oh uhhh, sure. How much of what I said did you hear by the way?” You hoped silently that he hadn’t heard you call him cute, especially since you’d been talking to a chicken.Harvey slid down and sat next to you on the floor of the coop.

“Just the part where you insulted my mustache,” he replied, stroking his own facial hair. “The farm is coming along nicely. You must be very dedicated to make such a turn around in such a short time.”

Oh thank Yoba you thought to yourself. “Thank you. I guess I’m trying to make up for lost time; I want to honor Grandpa’s memory because he loved this farm and the community. I used to spend a couple weeks here in the summer when I was growing up. I haven’t been back to the valley since I was a teenager. I didn’t think Lewis would recognize me when I came back.” You laughed quietly, an image of you as a gawky adolescent with braces coming back to you

“About earlier, we can put that behind us if you’d like. I didn’t mean to be short with you either. I was startled so I apologize for being curt.” Harvey looked at you with a kind expression before rising from the floor. “I’d like for us to be on good terms going forward.” He extended his hand and helped you up.

———————————————————————————

The bell on the door chimed as you walked in and Harvey’s head poked up from his paperwork. “Hey! Just the person I wanted to see today actually.”

“Oh?”

“I was about to write you a letter recommending that you schedule your annual checkup. If you don’t mind, I’ve got time today actually for a cursory exam.” Truthfully you weren’t very fond of hospitals, or doctor’s appointments. But you were also a terrible liar and had no time to think of an excuse. Better just to get it over with, you supposed.

“I can make it work.” You set the jar of pickles aside temporarily and followed Harvey to an exam room. You sat down on the paper, uncomfortable with the sudden formal shift in your dynamic. You’d gone from friend to patient in a matter of minutes. Harvey placed his stethoscope just under the collar of your shirt and you flinched at the touch of the cold metal.

“Sorry it’s chilly,” Harvey said. “Your heart rate is a little high. Do hospitals make you nervous?” He asked with a slight furrow in his brow.

“A little bit” you admitted. It certainly didn’t help that this was the most physical contact the two of you had shared since you met. He placed his hand on your shoulder and your eyes met. You felt your palms start sweating.

“Take a deep breath for me please” you did as instructed and tried to focus on anything else but the feeling of his hand on you. “Your lungs sound strong.” Harvey was in his element as he checked off the boxes of a routine checkup. He tested your reflexes, examined your ears and eyes, writing down his observations on his clipboard. “So far you seem to be in good health. I just have a few more questions about your lifestyle”

“Ask away, Doc.” Harvey seemed slightly flustered at the nickname but made a quick recovery. He pushed his glasses back up his nose and stood up straighter, clearing his throat

“As I was saying. Working on the farm involves a fair amount of physical labor I assume, so I’m sure you get enough exercise. What do you usually eat in a day?”

“Oh I usually just eat the foragables I find around the valley. There’s a lot of leeks and wild onions out now. I saw a weird looking berry the other day and I ate a couple of those. Sometimes I eat eggs from the chickens, or buy something from Gus for dinner.” Harvey was visibly stressed as he absorbed the information you gave him.

“I would highly advise that you eat a more balanced diet. Foraging is fine as a snack but it won’t provide enough energy for your activity levels. Eggs are good, but I’d implore you to try and eat from all the food groups”

“So this probably isn’t a great time to say I also eat the algae I find in the mines?” You’d never seen the poor doctor so stressed; you imagined most of his patients weren’t quite as odd as you.

“Let’s move on. How much sleep do you get at night?”

“6ish, sometimes less, sometimes more”

“Well, 8 hours a night is recommended but 6 isn’t terrible I suppose. But I’d encourage you to try and find a healthier routine. Farming is labor intensive and if you don’t give your body the care it needs you won’t be able to keep up sooner or later.” He had a look of genuine worry in his eyes and it pulled at your heartstrings. You’d only known each other for several months, but you sensed the beginning of a deep connection.

“I’ll try to be better,” you replied softly. You weren’t used to being chastised, but you understood he meant well.

“Thank you. You’re free to go and have an official clean bill of health from me”

“Well I stopped by to ask a favor actually”

“Oh?”

“I was wondering if you’d do me the honors of being the very first taste tester of my first batch of farm fresh pickles” you grinned and gestured toward the door “I left them on the counter.” Harvey smiled back and held the door open for you.

“I’d be honored. I’m actually about to close up for the day, would you like to come upstairs?”

The two of you headed upstairs to the small apartment above the clinic. Furniture was sparse and well loved, and there was a small kitchenette off the main room. The back wall held a large bookshelf that boasted an assortment of books and some small trinkets. Another shelf was lined carefully with model planes. There was a radio station in the corner by the window. “It’s not much, but it’s home,” Harvey said sheepishly.

“It’s great” you replied, eyes scanning the room with eagerness. You were itching to learn more about him. You took a seat on his small sofa, your heart nearly skipping a beat when he sat next to you, his knee inches away from yours. “You can have the first one” you offered, extending the open pickle jar toward Harvey.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Harvey reached in and plucked out a particularly large pickle before biting into it. His eyes lit up as he tasted it. “This is delicious! You’ve really never made pickles before?” You shook your head. “Well you certainly have a knack for it.” You grabbed a pickle for yourself and were pleasantly surprised at how good they were. You were glad he wasn’t lying to spare your feelings.

“What’s with the planes?” You saw Harvey get a far off look on his face while he thought about his response

“I’ve always been fascinated by aviation. I did a stint in the Air Force years ago. I wanted to become a pilot but it didn’t pan out. It ended up paying for my med school tuition though. The model planes are something I like to do in my free time. I find them relaxing, and they remind me of my time in service.”

“I would have never guessed that. Pilots and doctors are pretty different. What led you down this path?”

“I think I’ve always had an affinity for helping people. I joined the Air Force to serve my country; this feels like a way to serve the community in a different way.”

“That’s actually really selfless.” You toyed with images of Harvey in uniform as you reached for another pickle, not realizing that Harvey had the same idea. Your hands met in the rim of the jar and you flinched back instinctively. The small touch left you wanting more. You adjusted your legs slightly, tentatively letting one fall against his. Harvey made no effort to break contact.

“Tell me more about yourself. You said you explore the mines. Are there really monsters in there?”

“There are! I haven’t made it down very far but there’s all kinds of creatures down there.” You animatedly described the things you’d encountered on your adventures: colorful slimes, stealthy rock crabs, large buzzing insects, agile bats and more. Harvey looked on with a mixture of awe and fear.

His voice grew soft as he spoke “please be careful in the mines. I’d hate to see you get hurt.” Suddenly it was as if a switch had gone off in his mind and he got up from the couch. “Wait here one second!” He bolted across the studio and down the stairs. You heard rummaging from below before Harvey emerged again holding an armful of various medicines and first aid supplies. “Take these.” He thrusted the bundle of supplies into your arms.

“Harvey I can’t just take these from you. These are expensive” you insisted, trying to hand them back to him. A roll of gauze unraveled on the floor. Harvey plucked it from the ground and placed it on a table.

“Nonsense. Consider it part of your checkup.” He looked you in the eyes with a pleading expression. “Please take them. And promise me you’ll keep them with you in the mines”

“I promise.”

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling Ch. 18 - Reverse

Joel leaves for a longer patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-17 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :D. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7.7k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was surprisingly easy to fall into a life with Joel. 

It probably helped that he was the person you spent the most time with, anyway. Since you’d started borrowing the guitar, you were at his house nearly as much as you were at your own. You’d had to earmark time to spend with Ellie - who wanted so little to do with Joel that even sitting on his front porch was out of the question - but otherwise, you were at least near him a lot. Add in patrol time, the fact that he talked you into movie nights and mess hall dinners and you realized, suddenly, that you were already living alongside him. 

It just became more purposeful now.

You were dreading the next time Joel went on patrol - he went out far more frequently than you did - because it would mean a change in this new, comfortable but somehow still exciting way of being. 

“I’m only gonna be gone three days, baby,” Joel said as you leaned against him over lunch at the stables, the two of you sitting on the ground with your backs against a wall, your legs straight in front of you so the toe of your boot would brush his leg when you moved. You frowned, eating another berry. 

“I know,” you sighed. “Still gonna miss you.” 

“Careful,” you could hear the smile on his voice. “Might think you like me or something.” 

“Ugh,” you smiled a little. “Can’t have that. It’ll go right to your head, you’ll be insufferable.” 

“According to Tommy I’m that already.” 

You laughed a little. 

“What’s the movie tonight?” You asked. “If I’m giving up alone time with you just before you leave, it had better be worth it.” 

“Might have talked Maria into Titanic…” 

You shot up off his shoulder to look at him and he smiled. 

“Really?” You asked. 

“Really,” he smiled a little bigger. 

“I haven’t seen that movie since before the outbreak!” You were damn near giddy. Joel laughed. “Hey, don’t make fun of me, not all of us had the luxury of fuckin’ electricity over the last two decades alright?” 

“Not making fun,” he was still chuckling and you glared. “Swear I’m not, Sweetheart. You’re just very cute when you’re excited.” 

“OK first of all, I ain’t cute,” you said, getting on your knees next to him. “I’m intimidating.” 

“Very,” he agreed, trying not to laugh. 

“I am!” 

“Not arguin’, Baby,” he said. “You’re very intimidating. Just also very cute and very sexy.” 

You snorted. 

“Now you’re making fun,” he said, grabbing your hips and pulling you onto his lap so you were straddling him. “Don’t get to just make fun of my woman without consequences.” 

“Oh, I’m your woman now?” You raised your eyebrows but your heart swelled with it. 

“Ain’t you?” He cocked his head, his hands moved to your thighs, the wide spread of them sinking into your flesh through your jeans. 

You kissed him instead of replying and he stretched up into it, tugging you closer, your arms going around his neck, his tongue sliding past your lips to meet yours. 

“Alright,” he panted after a minute. “Not sure the movie is worth it now, should just get you home as quick as possible…” 

You laughed and kissed him again, lighter this time. 

“Brought this on yourself,” you said, smiling against him. “Shouldn’t have tried to be so nice to me.” 

“No good deed,” he kissed you and you laughed before you sat back from him, lacing your fingers with Joel’s. 

“Now that you’ve promised me Titanic, we have to go,” you toyed with this hands. He smiled. 

“Not THAT good a movie…” he teased. 

“Excuse you,” you said. “It has action and history and romance. It’s the perfect movie!” 

You leaned forward so the tip of your nose brushed his. 

“I’ll make it worth your while,” you smiled. 

He laughed a little. 

“Never thought you’d be talkin’ me into movie night,” he said. “But since you really wanna go that bad…” You smiled. “Can’t go drooling over that Leonardo whatever the fuck his name is, though. Gotta draw the line somewhere.” 

“That’s fine,” you smiled wider and kissed him one more time, grinning mischievously when you were done. “Always thought Kate was hotter, anyway.” 

You got up and helped him off the ground before he slung an arm over your shoulders and pulled you close enough to kiss your cheek and you smiled again. Smiled because it was Joel and anything with him seemed to make you happy. Smiled because you wanted to do so much more than kiss him. Smiled because touching him like this didn’t scare you. 

Proximity and touch still set you off with almost everyone else - Ellie the only other notable exception - but with Joel, it was a comfort. It meant he was close and you knew he was safe, so different from the men who had tormented you he may as well be a separate species. You wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your life with at least one of his hands on you all the damn time, some physical representation of the connection you felt toward him there for you to ground yourself in. 

“Meet you at yours before dinner?” He asked and you nodded. 

He separated from you before you got to the door of the stable. With the exception of Tommy, no one knew that you and Joel were together now. Jackson was a small town, you’d rather everyone wasn’t talking about you behind your back. It felt too new to share with all these people. You hadn’t even bothered to label it yourselves, never explicitly discussing any of it. You’d just both assumed that you’d be spending as much time as possible together now and touching when you did. That was fine by you. It was nice, having the feelings be quiet and private. You didn’t want to share them before you had a chance to fully understand them yourself. 

“See you then, Sweetheart.” 

Joel looked at you for a moment before he went to go back to work, a soft look in his eyes that made your heart race and heat pool low in your stomach. Like he wanted to just keep looking at you for a while, like he wanted to do nothing more than just be next to you. 

You watched him go, his broad shoulders and shaggy hair, and a thought settled comfortably into your skin. You loved him. You likely had for a while, you realized, just too afraid of what that meant to see it properly. 

You’d never loved someone you hadn’t lost. You’d just started to accept it with Justin when you had to kill him. Marisa moved on while you stayed behind, heart aching and desperately lonely, praying that she’d made it, that she was safe and happy and had found someone who could love her the way she deserved. Mark you’d never even had a chance to say goodbye to. 

The love you had for Joel felt different and the life you led here felt different, too. You’d only ever been in love during the end of the world, all of it tinged in desperation and fear, knowing there was a very real chance that the two of you might get torn apart or shot or changed into an infected, mindless thing. It made things desperate and needy and intense. 

Jackson was different. It had given you the space to start to come back into yourself, find the version of you that had been buried by fear and pain for years. It let you feel secure enough that you could grow to love Joel instead of being thrown into affection only to have no choice than to fight against drowning in it. 

But you were still apprehensive of it. You were in love with Joel. More in love with him than you’d been with anyone else. What if fate decided to take him, too? What if Jackson had lulled you into a false sense of security and he was in just as much danger here as he would be in the wilderness? 

You tried not to think about it as you got back to work. You’d lost so much, you weren’t sure you could survive losing Joel, too. 

You tried to focus on movie night, on taking Joel to bed after and not on the fact that he was going to be leaving Jackson to look for trouble. 

It was Joel. Everything was going to be fine. It had to be. 

*** 

“You’re pushin’ it,” Joel whispered in your ear as you pressed closer, your hand on the inside of his thigh. 

“No idea what you mean,” you whispered back. “Watch the movie, Rose is about to get naked, don’t want to miss that…” 

His lips trailed over your cheek, your temple until they were close enough that they brushed your ear when he spoke.

“Be better if it was you.” 

You turned and raised your eyebrows at him. 

“Bullshit I’m hotter than Kate Winslet.” 

He didn’t respond - even though you were. Instead, he lifted your chin and kissed you, trying not to think about undressing you, sinking into your wet heat, swallowing your desperate little sounds as you came. 

He was still amazed that he had you. He hadn’t even really considered something like this before you. That part of his life seemed long over. But he’d never imagined someone like you and now he couldn’t imagine life without you. He didn’t want to. 

You pulled away from him and he could just make out the needy look in your eyes in the light from the projector. 

“Wearing only this,” the movie said and you elbowed him. 

“Stop distracting me.” 

“Not doing a damn thing.” 

He tried to not kiss you again, just let his hand trail up and down your bare arm as you pressed closer to him but after a few minutes you twisted in his arms and reached up, your fingers knotting in his hair and pulling Joel’s lips to your own. 

“Thought you wanted to watch the movie,” he said quietly between kisses, happy the two of you had sat tucked in a slightly more private corner. 

“Shut up.” 

He laughed and kissed you one more time before you turned back to the screen. 

As much as he wanted to get you home and get you naked, it was almost as fun to watch you watch the movie. You were more relaxed than he’d ever seen you at movie night, the usual tension in your body nowhere to be found. He couldn’t help but look at you, your eyes wide and bright as you watched, every emotion playing out, unguarded, on your face. 

Definitely better than Kate Winslet naked. 

He walked to your house with an arm slung around your shoulders, your hand dangling from his like being against him wasn’t quite enough for you. 

“As good as you remember?” He asked and you laughed. 

“So fucking good. I’d forgotten a lot of it, almost like watching it for the first time. Shouldn’t have been too surprised about that, though. Lot about life here is like that.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, looking at you and fuck you were so damn pretty.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I heard the electricity in the walls for the first week or so I was here. Weird as fuck and then one day I woke up and I’d just gotten used to it, my brain learned how to tune it out again. Took a while to remember that I could just flip a light switch when it was dark, that I have a fridge to keep things cold and that I don’t need a fire if I want to heat something up.” 

You made it to your door, the light on in your entry way, a little stained glass lamp that glowed in the night. You unlocked the door and pulled Joel inside, wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your warm, soft body against him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to that, the feel of you against him, wanting and beautiful. 

“Lot of that with you, too,” you said, your eyes gentle and earnest. It was a look, Joel thought, that was reserved just for him. You looked only at him with your guard down, looked only at him in a way that made you vulnerable and open. He liked that part of you seemed to belong only to him. It felt like so much of him belonged only to you. 

He kissed you, slow and easy. 

“For me, too,” his nose brushed yours and you turned out the light before taking him upstairs. 

Joel liked undressing you, more than he remembered liking it with anyone else before. He liked that he took his shirts off your body, sliding the sleeves down your arms after untying it from your waist, revealing the smooth skin of your shoulders and neck, just the hint of your breasts spilling over the top of your tank top below. 

Your breaths got needy, panting around quiet little moans as your fingers deftly opened Joel’s shirt, movements getting rougher as you shoved it down his arms, frustrated groans when you couldn’t get it off right away. 

“In such a hurry,” he said quietly, breathlessly. 

You nipped at his lower lip. 

“Want you,” you said. “Can’t help it.” 

You gave up on the shirt, instead moving to his jeans, unbuttoning them, your hand reaching inside, finding his hard length with a contented sigh. Your thumb brushed his head and he moaned into your mouth, your touch sending a shudder through him, the hot ache of want flowing out from the root of his cock through the center of him, through his limbs, his fingers, his whole body driven toward you. 

You gently spread the precome leaking from his head over his cock and he had to fight to focus on something else - anything else - to avoid the risk of spilling into your hand. 

It took effort, conscious fucking effort, to not come too fast with you. Part of it, he was sure, was the fact that no one but himself had touched him in years. But the fact that it was you made it worse. You’d overwhelmed him on a level he’d never known before, in a way he wouldn’t have thought possible. The lightest touch from you was more intense, like he was hyperaware of it, every sensation reaching more than just his skin but instead to the very center of him. 

He’d backed you into your bed and you pulled your mouth from his, eyes wide and needy. 

“Can I try something?” You panted. 

“Course,” his hand went to your face, his thumb tight along the ridge of your cheekbone, his fingers slipping into your hair. “Told you before, you can do whatever you want with me.” 

You nodded and and turned with him, so he was against the bed instead of you. You pulled away from him enough to push his shirt down his arms and cast it aside before sliding off his pants, too. He stood, bare and exposed, in front of you as you looked into his eyes before you kissed him, nudging him down into sitting up on the edge of the bed. 

You followed him down, your hands going to his thighs to spread them and settle yourself between them. Your lips left his and trailed down his neck, his chest as you knelt in front of him, kisses cutting a burning path to the root of him. 

“Baby,” he groaned through gritted teeth. “Don’t have to do this…” 

“Thought you said I could do whatever I want?” You looked up at him, sitting back on your heels. You pulled your tank top up and over your head before you unhooked your bra, revealing your full breasts, nipples peaked with need. “Well, I want to taste you.” 

Your hand wrapped around his length before you brought your mouth to his tip, pressing just your tongue to it and giving the head of him a delicate lick, your eyes on his the entire time. 

“Fuck,” he panted, his hands clutching onto your blankets. The edges of your lips curved up, almost smiling before taking the head of him in your mouth with a delicious moan. He watched, enthralled, as you took him into you, your tongue pressing into the thick underside of him as you went. Joel resisted the urge to move his hips, to fuck into your soft, warm, wet mouth, fought to let you take him at your own pace. And then you were damn near swallowing him, his head pushing into your throat as you moaned around him, the vibration of your pleasure igniting the heat deep inside him. “Jesus Christ…” 

You sucked him harder for a moment before you started moving over him, sliding your mouth up and down his shaft. He had to stop looking at you for a moment, had to tilt his head back to look up at the ceiling, the sight of your lips stretched around him too much for him to take. He fought the drive to tangle his fingers in your hair and guide your mouth over him. 

But it was like you read his mind, your hand leaving his thigh and finding his, guiding it to your head and leaving it there as your hand returned to his leg. 

“God damn,” he managed. “Just… fuck, squeeze my legs if it’s too much.” 

You moaned in response and his fingers latched onto you, moving you up and down his cock at his own pace. You sucked and worked your tongue around him as he did, pressing into the thick vein along the bottom of him. He was getting dangerously close to coming in your mouth, right where he didn’t want to come. He needed to be inside you, needed to feel you coming around him, needed to fill your pussy with him, so much of him that you’d feel him inside of you for the days he was gone. 

When it felt like he was inches away from finishing he pulled you from him, whole body tense and aching. You looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together. 

“Don’t want to come before I properly have you,” he panted. “Need inside you.” 

“Good,” you wiped your mouth on the back of your wrist, messy with your spit and his precome. “Because I need you, too.” 

You stood between his legs and went to take your pants off but he brushed your hands aside, pulling you close so he could kiss your stomach, your hips, your scars as he unbuttoned your jeans and slid them and your underwear down together. He heard your breath catch as his hands slid around the back of you, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass as he looked up at you, his lips against your skin. 

You moved to straddle him, your knees bracketing his hips and you aligned his head with your entrance, your wet heat so close he could feel you over him. Your eyes searched his for a moment as he held you close, the sensation of you threatening to overwhelm him. You kissed him with a moan, hard and deep, as you sank onto his cock. 

“Fuck Baby,” he moaned, feeling you stretch over him, the velvet vise of you as you made room for him inside of you. “Fuck, you feel… Jesus Christ.” 

You took him fully in you and settled on him for a moment. He could feel every twitch of your muscles as you adjusted to his size, feel the thrum of your pulse, the wetness that covered and enveloped him. You were heaven incarnate and it was impossible to not feel like a trespasser inside something as good as you. 

He watched you as you started to move over him, slow at first, steady, the rise and fall of you in line with your shaking breaths. Joel couldn’t help but marvel at you, that you trusted him enough to be with him this way, that you were willing to share yourself with him this way. 

He knew this was no small thing. That you used to shock away from his touch and that now you reached for him, took him inside yourself into your most intimate and vulnerable place seemed nothing short of miraculous and something in him, even now, was terrified of losing this with you. Joel wasn’t sure why you’d picked him of all people to trust but he was going to do everything he could to keep it. 

You increased your pace, your hips moving over him so his head was catching against a soft place deep inside you, a place that made your breaths stutter. 

“Joel,” you moaned, pressing your ass back into his hands and his grip got tighter. “Fuck, you’re so deep…” 

He helped leverage your thrust down and he felt your core tighten around him, a sharp little spasm, as he did. 

“I know Baby,” he groaned. “Can feel you getting close, feel you wanting to come on me.” 

“I do,” you almost winced as you came down hard on him again. “Fuck, I’m so close. Want you to come too, Joel, want to feel you…” 

“I’ll come when you do,” he said, his teeth gritted, his hold on you tightening. “Just come for me, come for me and I’ll fill you up so good, Sweetheart, promise I will, just come for me.” 

You rode him faster and harder for a moment before you thrust him deep and he felt you come apart around him, your walls fluttering over him as you cried out with it. 

“Atta girl, fuck,” he thrust his hips up to press himself ever so slightly deeper as you milked his cock and he gave himself over to the orgasm it felt like he’d been holding off for an eternity, spilling into you deep and hard. 

Joel collapsed back onto your bed, taking you with him so you were draped over him, his softening cock still deep inside you. 

“Think you should talk Tommy into letting you stay home,” you said, voice sleepy. 

Joel laughed a little, his hands splayed wide over your back. 

“Only a few days,” he kissed the top of your head, feeling the weight of you on his chest as he breathed, the reassurance that you were close. 

“I know,” you sighed. “Just gotten used to you being here. I like you in my bed. Or being in yours.” 

“Me too,” he said softly, moving to trace the line of your spine. 

“You’ll be safe?” You lifted your head from his chest enough to look at him, your eyes wide. 

“I’ll be safe,” he tucked you back against his chest and kissed your head. “Nothing gonna stop me from comin’ home to you.” 

The next morning, you stayed closer than usual as the two of you got ready to go. You pulled him into shower with you, pressing your body tight to him, working his cock with your hand as he gently circled your clit until he came on your stomach and you all but collapsed with the force of your orgasm, Joel holding you close, keeping you both from falling to the tile floor. 

But after, it shifted. He washed your hair, fingers gentle on your scalp as he worked the shampoo through it. You cleaned his chest, your soapy hands running over his skin, tracing little patterns on him. Once you were both clean, you pressed yourself against him, the hot water running over both of you, and you reached up to knot your fingers in his hair and kiss him, seemingly just happy to touch him with nothing between you for a while. 

“You go on ahead to the stables,” he said as the two of you left your house, your still damp hair braided, one of Joel’s shirts on with the sleeves rolled up and the bottom knotted around your waist. “Know you’ve got a lot to do and I’ll be a few minutes, too busy spendin’ time with you to get packed.” 

“But…” you frowned but he kissed your forehead. 

“See you in a few.” 

Joel watched you continue on to the stables before he went inside. 

He really did need to get packed but there was one other thing he wanted to check on, one you didn’t know about and he didn’t want you to until it was done. 

Joel packed his bag quickly and went into the small workshop on the back of the house. The guitar he’d been making for you for months now was sitting there, propped up so the finish he’d applied had a chance to dry. He delicately tested the wood and his finger didn’t stick. He smiled a little. He’d cut it close but it was done. 

You so loved playing, it seemed wrong that you didn’t have a guitar of your own. But Joel still wanted you to have some connection to him when you played, even if you weren’t using his instrument anymore. So he made you one. It had been slow going, things seeming not quite right or just not good enough for you. But he’d focused on getting it finished up for you, spending what seemed like every second he wasn’t with you or working finishing it up. 

He got some strings he’d set aside for it and the tuning pegs and bridge pins before heading for the stables, finding you there saddling up horses for the patrol team. 

“Still the first one here,” you smiled over your shoulder at him. 

“Good,” he said, coming over and kissing your temple. “Like getting another few minutes with you. Think I can have your attention for a minute?” 

“Think I can manage that,” you smiled, turning to properly face him, your hands in your back pockets. “Don’t think we can get up to much trouble in here, though, no time…” 

“Not lookin’ for trouble,” he said, lifting the guitar by the neck and holding it out to you. You frowned and took it. “Thought you’d like something to play while I’m gone.”

“This isn’t your guitar,” you said, your eyebrows knitted together as you looked over the instrument in your hands. 

“No,” Joel smiled. “It’s yours.” 

Your head flew up, eyes wide. 

“You’re joking.” 

“M’not,” he smiled. “Made it for you.” 

“You made this?” You gaped at him. He laughed and nodded. “Joel… I… this is…” 

“You get it on one condition,” he said. You nodded eagerly and he tried not to laugh again. “You still come by even though you don’t need to borrow mine anymore.” 

“Think that can be arranged,” you said, misty eyed as you looked back down at the guitar. “This is so… Joel…” 

“Just take care of yourself while I’m gone,” he said. “I’m comin’ back to you as quick as I can.” 

You threw the arm not holding the neck of the guitar around his neck and kissed him. 

“You better come back in one piece,” you said, breathless. “Gotta thank you properly for this.” 

Joel felt good as the patrols got underway, the pairs of horses leaving Jackson with him and Tommy bringing up the rear. Just a few days and he’d be back. Back to you and the life he was finding with you here. 

“Joel!” 

Ellie’s sharp voice stopped him. He looked back over his shoulder to see her standing at the gate, her arms crossed, looking upset. 

“One minute,” he told Tommy, riding back to Ellie and dismounting. “Baby Girl, everything OK?” 

“You just had to take her from me, didn’t you?” She stared him down. 

“What…” he frowned but she cut him off. 

“You know how many people I have that aren’t yours in some way?” She demanded. “People who can help me who aren’t also just trying to fucking figure everything out?” 

“Ellie, I don’t…” 

“I had someone!” She looked hurt. “Bambi was mine, she was my fucking friend and now that you’re doing… whatever the fuck it is you’re doing, she’ll pick you and she’ll leave me.” 

Joel sighed and closed his eyes for a second. This wasn’t how he’d wanted Ellie to find out, he should have been more careful at the movies the night before instead of making out with you like some damn teenager in the back row, he was sure that’s what had done it. 

“Kiddo, I know how much she cares about you, she wouldn’t…” 

“Does she know?” Ellie snapped cutting him off. “Does she know about all the shit you’ve done? Does she know everything you did in that fucking hospital?” Something on Joel’s face must have told Ellie the answer, the horror there. She smirked. “Didn’t think so. You really think she’ll still want you after that? After everything you’ve done? Because I don’t.” 

His heart sank. He’d never told you about what he’d done for Ellie, didn’t want you to know the whole truth of what he’d been before he went to the QZ. He wanted to be something different for you, something better, wanted to pretend like who he’d been before was dead and gone because, in so many ways, it felt like he was. 

“Ellie.” 

“Good luck on patrol,” she turned on her heel and walked away. 

“Joel!” Tommy yelled as he watched Ellie leave. “Let’s go, you’re holdin’ everything up!” 

He debated, for a moment, telling Tommy that he couldn’t go. That something had come up, that he had to stay and handle it. 

But the patrol needed to happen. Things had gone too long already, the new horses only recently to the point that the further flung checks could happen. Him staying back would leave a vital place unchecked. 

He got back on his horse and followed Tommy, trying not to think about Ellie’s unspoken threat. She might hate him but she wasn’t cruel, would she really do something like that just to hurt him? 

It was all he could think about. How to fix the damaged relationship with the girl he felt was his daughter, how to tell you the truth of everything he’d done, how he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he lost you the way he’d lost her. 

He didn’t sleep well the first night out on patrol and he was still distracted the next day. 

Distracted enough that he was missing things, Tommy the only one of the two of them catching any signs of infected. 

Distracted enough that he didn’t know anyone else was there until the shooting started. 

***

Joel made you a guitar. 

He made you a fucking guitar. 

A whole instrument, just made it for you. Because he wanted to give you something you so desperately wanted. 

You weren’t sure you’d ever been so touched by anything. 

Once you were done at the stables for the day, you went straight home to string your guitar and play it. You’d had to force yourself to actually do your job for the first time since you’d started working at the stables, the instrument sitting in the corner, a constant reminder of what you’d rather be doing. 

You’d already decided to skip dinner, didn’t care much about doing anything but this. You just got the guitar set, started playing the first chords the instrument had ever had, when there was a sharp knock on your door. You groaned and considered ignoring it before you set the guitar next to you on the couch and headed for the door, Ellie looking upset through the glass. 

“Hey Kid,” you frowned. “Everything OK? I know Joel’s gone but I can help if…” 

“Can I talk to you?” She asked. “Inside?” 

“Sure,” you stepped aside and opened the door. “Come on in.” 

You led the way to the living room and picked the guitar back up, playing random chords as Ellie paced. She stopped after a moment, looking at you. 

“Nice guitar.” 

“Joel made it,” you smiled, couldn’t help it. “Just now breaking it in…” 

“So you and Joel,” she cut you off. You froze for a second, your hand hovering over the strings. “Thought you said you weren’t fucking him.” 

“Pretty sure I also said that whatever and whoever I did in bed was none of your business,” you replied. 

“There’s shit about him you don’t know,” she said. 

You shrugged. 

“Shit about me he doesn’t know, too. We’ve both lived a lot of life, I’ll never know everything about him.” 

“You should know this,” she said, sitting next to you on the couch. “You deserve to know the kind of person he is.” 

You frowned, the look on her face making your stomach clench. 

If it had been anyone else, you’d have brushed it off. It was Joel. You knew Joel. He was a good man, the kind of man who loved a child who wasn’t his, who hadn’t judged you for everything that had happened to you. 

But you also knew Ellie and you’d never seen her like this. She was a kid but she was a smart kid, a kid who had survived a lot. 

And something had driven her and Joel apart. 

“Alright,” you said, setting the guitar down gently on your coffee table. “Tell me.” 

She looked at you for a moment before she took a deep breath and rolled up her sleeve. You frowned and she held it out to you, her wrist to her elbow covered in scar tissue. 

“What did Joel tell you about me?” She asked. 

“That you’re from Boston, an orphan,” you said. “Had some family out west, he was hired to get you to them, they were dead before you got here…” 

“He lied.” 

She took your hand and guided it to a spot on the scarring, making you trace it with your fingertips. 

“What’s that feel like?” 

“I dunno,” you shrugged. “Like scar tissue… Ellie, did Joel do this to you?” 

“No,” she almost laughed. “No, I did this to myself. Most of it. Except the part your touching.” 

“What?” You frowned, looking at her. “Why would you do this to yourself, I don’t…” 

“Does that feel like a bite?” She asked. Your frown deepened. “Because that’s what it is. It’s a bite from an infected.” 

You took your hand back and you glared at her. 

“That shit isn’t funny, Kid,” you said, probably sterner than you should have. “You weren’t alive yet during the outbreak but I lost people to shit like bites, everyone fucking did, it’s not a goddamn joke.” 

“I know it’s not,” she said, her face open and honest. She took your hands. “I know it’s not a joke, it’s not a joke to me either, I lost people, too, OK? That’s how I got bit in the first place, I was goofing off in a place I shouldn’t have been with… we got bit. She turned. I didn’t.” 

You just stared at her for a moment. 

“Ellie,” you shook your head. “No, that… that’s not possible, you’re wrong, you weren’t really bit or…” 

“Trust me, I was bit,” she said. “I’ve been bit twice now, actually. I get bit, it hurts but nothing happens. I don’t change. I’m immune.” 

“You’re…” 

You couldn’t say it. Instead you just looked at her arm again, gingerly reaching your hand out to trace your thumb over the odd pattern of bumps below the scarring. The one that was shaped like a bite. 

“No one knows,” she said. “No one except Joel and Tommy. I have to keep it a secret, who knows what people would do if they knew. So I gave myself a chemical burn to cover the bites.” 

You looked at her again. Whether this was true or not, you weren’t sure, but Ellie believed it was. That you could tell, that was the part that mattered. 

“What does this have to do with you and Joel?” You asked, taking your hands back again. 

“Joel was hired to take me across the country,” she said. “But not to my family. He was hired to bring me to a research facility where they were developing a cure, they wanted to use me to fix everything. They had a doctor who knew how to do it, who could find a way to set everything right.” 

“That’s incredible,” you said. You knew nothing about medicine beyond basic first aid to keep yourself alive but it sounded impossible. If it was doable, it seemed like someone would have done it by now. “So what happened? There’s not a cure floating around out there, right? I’ve been pretty out of the loop but…” 

“He got me this far,” she said, her jaw clenched tight. “And we found the facility. We went through a lot to get there, we almost died so many fucking times, I had to keep him from fucking bleeding to death on the floor of a goddamn basement, I… The point is, we came all that way. We went through all that shit and…” 

She took a deep breath, like she was centering herself. 

“We found the facility,” she said again. “And the doctor was there, he was ready to take what he needed from me and ready to make a cure. I don’t know how but he was. And Joel stopped him.” 

You stared, your mouth open, trying to process what she was saying. 

“That…” you began but stopped. “What do you mean Joel stopped them? That doesn’t make any fucking sense, Ellie, why would he stop them? What do you mean he stopped them?” 

“I mean there’s no fucking cure now because of Joel,” she said, her voice hot. 

“Why,” you said it more than asked it. “Ellie, there has to be a reason, there has to be, he wouldn’t have stopped them for no reason there has to be a reason. Was it going to hurt you or…” 

She looked down, her jaw tense. You could see the muscle of it twitching near her ear. 

“That’s it, isn’t it?” You asked. “It would have hurt you and he wouldn’t let them.” 

“It would have killed me, OK?” She snapped. “They needed my brain, my brain has cordyceps and they needed them to make it and Joel wouldn’t let them take my stupid brain.” 

You just looked at her for a moment. 

“Ellie,” you said quietly. “Is that why you hate Joel? Is that why you won’t speak to him, because he saved your life?” 

“He saved me from doing something that would have fucking mattered!” She yelled it, tears in her eyes. “My life would have fucking meant something! Instead I’m just here, going to fucking school and playing fucking music and…” 

“You’re living a life, Kid,” you said gently. “You think that doesn’t matter? That it’s not important?” 

“Know what he did to get me out of there?” She was crying now, not even trying to stop it. She yanked her sleeve back down, covering the burn on her arm. “I’ll tell you what he did, he killed them. Dozens of people, he murdered them. Including the doctor who could have made the cure. He’s dead. He’s dead and there’s no hope for a cure because of fucking Joel.” 

“Oh honey,” you pulled her against you, her head dropping to your chest, her tears soaking your shirt. You just held her for a bit. “It’s OK, Kid. You’re alright.” 

After a few minutes, she sat up, wiping her tears on the backs of her sleeves. 

“You can’t think what he did was right,” she said. “It’s fucking evil, he can’t…” 

“Ellie,” you said, keeping your voice calm and even. “That’s not evil, that’s what a parent does. They do everything they can - everything - to keep their child alive.” 

“But…” 

“Doesn’t matter what it is,” you said. “You’re Joel’s kid. Of course he did whatever was necessary to keep you safe, that includes killing. It would include killing before, too, but especially now.” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, I wanted them to make a cure, I don’t care that it would have killed me, I wanted to do it! He took that from me!” 

“You really think there’s any part of Joel that would have just let them kill you, no matter what it meant?” You asked. “That he’d let someone hurt you?” 

“To save the fucking world?” She snapped. “Yeah, yeah, I do.” 

You smiled a little sadly at her, trying not to cry yourself. You tried not to think of the pain Joel must have been in, thinking he brought his child to someplace that was going to hurt her, kill her. That he’d led her to the end and given her to people who would destroy her. 

Your chest was tight. 

“That’s not how it works, Kid,” you said. “You think you’re saying that he had a choice but you’re not. He didn’t, he never did. When you love someone that much, it doesn’t matter what the other choice is. If one side is that person’s life, you do whatever it takes to save them. It doesn’t matter what it costs.”

“But…” 

You cut her off. 

“Do you think he could picture a world without you?” You asked. “Do you think he’d see anything worth saving without you? He was never going to be able to save the world, not unless you were part of it.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“I am,” you shrugged. She opened her mouth to argue but didn’t seem to come up with something to say. You kept going. “Do you think I’d do anything different? That I wouldn’t kill to keep you alive? That I wouldn’t do the same in a second for my kid? That’s how it works. You love someone enough, you do anything for them.” 

Her eyes looked a little glassy and she dabbed at them with the insides of her wrists. 

“You’re close with Tommy and Maria, right?” You asked. “With William?” 

“Yeah,” she sniffed. 

“If someone came to you and said they could save the world as long as you would let them kill William, would you let them?” You asked. “Would you hand him over to them? Or would you fight to protect him?” 

“That’s….” She shook her head. “That’s different, he’s just a little kid, that’s different.” 

“Is it?” You asked. “Do you really think it would be different in 10 years? That there’s a magic number where you’d let someone hurt him? Kill him?

“What if it was reversed?” You kept going. “If it was Joel, do you think you’d have let them murder him? Done nothing if you were in his position? Kid, if this is the reason you’re mad at him, I think you need to think about it more. You may not be able to fully understand it but I know him. He loves you so much, I don’t think he could have survived you dying. I’m not sure any parent really does if they lose a child. And you are his child, Ellie. Hate him or not, that’s who you are to him. And there isn’t a single parent on this planet who wouldn’t have done the exact same thing he did.” 

She slumped back on the couch. She looked exhausted. You settled in next to her and her head dropped to your shoulder before she sighed. 

“How do I forgive him for taking that from me?” She asked. “The chance to matter?” 

“He didn’t take that from you,” you said. “You always mattered. Still do. You don’t have to save the world to matter.” 

She sighed and looked numb. 

“Hungry?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” she laughed a little. “Yeah, I am.” 

You left her on the couch and got some jerky and fruit from the kitchen, handing some of it to her before flopping back next to her. She bit into some jerky and sighed. 

“How you feeling?” You asked, taking a bite of jerky yourself. 

She sighed again.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know that I can forgive him.” 

“Do you need to?” You asked. 

She frowned. 

“What if you just tried to think about why he did what he did,” you said. “Don’t worry about if it was good or bad, just think about what it would have been like for him then. It’s over and done with, Kid. Can’t go back and change it now. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life pissed at the man who loves you so much that you’re the whole world to him? After everything you went through, I’m pretty sure you care about him, too. Don’t make your life any harder than it has to be. Don’t try to fuck up the thing he did all that just to give you.” 

You convinced Ellie to dance party with you and listened through some albums before she decided she wanted to sleep over instead of going home to be alone. 

“Wait,” she said after the two of you were in your bed. “Have you two fucked in here?” 

“Kid.” 

“Ugh ew,” she groaned. You laughed at that. “He told me he was leaving and when he was getting back but I kind of blocked it out. Guessing you know since you guys are all… gross now.” 

“He’s back day after tomorrow,” you smiled a little, even though it was too dark for her to see it. 

She sighed heavily. 

“I guess I can maybe think about talking to him then,” she said. “And before you get too excited, I said I’d think about it. I might still hate him.” 

You didn’t think she’d ever really hated him. 

“Sure, Kid.”

Ellie rolled over and pressed her back against your front. You froze for a moment before putting your arm around her. 

“Thanks, Bambi,” she said quietly. 

“Any time,” you replied. “Love you, Kid. And I know Joel, does, too.” 

“Yeah,” she said. “I know.” 

You drifted off, counting down to when Joel came home. Hoping he’d come back safe, ignoring the nervous pull in your stomach that told you he might not. 

It was Joel. He had to be OK. 

He just had to.

Next Chapter

A/N: Y'all, I promise this isn't the big angsty bit yet. Just a little angst. As a treat.

Thanks for putting up with me and for being here and spending your time with these characters. It truly means so much to me.

Love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

[supercriminalbean]

Fight Club. Part three.

Aaron Hotchner x Male!reader.

Summary: The team tries thier hardest to find you, while Aaron thinks back to the way things use to be between you and him.

Warning: Dark fic. Blood, fighting, death, abuse, kidnapping, swearing, drugs, unsub violence, angst, murder, criminal minds unsub violenceness. This whole fic series is just dark and strange the ask it self is amazing and may help you know if this is something you can handle. (Any other warnings let me know xx)

Words: 4.6k

A/n: This went in a different direction as I thought this chapter would. Somehow this is becoming longer than I first thought it would. Another part will be released next week thank you all for your love xx

Part one. Part two. Part four.

Tagging thoes that seem interesed or asked: @xweirdo101x @alecmores @yn-addams @winter-world @xdark-acadamiax @rexspersonalhell @hunterispunk @sammy-4103 @222244445555 @spiritzofthedead @sweetnothingsvulnerability

The day goes by fast for the Bau, the day doesn’t have enough hours before the sun is setting again. They checked out a place today hoping you would be there but instead they found nothing, not even a sign that anyone used to be there. Garcia also isn’t getting anywhere tracking their Ip address, and they haven’t gone live since this morning. Currently the team is sitting around the table eating or more like picking at their dinner as they throw out more ideas. 

“We got his face on camera, Garcia has it circulating through all facial recognitional searches” Morgan adds, sighs as he stabs his noodles. 

“She won’t find anything, he’s been doing this for years there will be no recognition of him for the past twenty years” Rossi huffs quietly staring at the photo of the unsub on the board. 

“Maybe not, but she can put him through her system and make him appear younger then maybe she will get a hit” JJ suggests staring at the wall, her body feeling numb.

“Good idea, when she lands get her straight onto that” Hotch instructs looking over at Morgan.

“Will do” Morgan nods at him.

“When does she land?” Emily asks, glancing over at Morgan who automatically checks his watch.

“In twenty minutes, I should get going. I promise her I’ll be waiting by the gate when she lands” He smiles weakly standing up. No one argues, everyone knows those two come in a package. 

“Hey can I come for a ride, I could use the fresh air” JJ looks up at him, feeling exhausted.

“Sure blondie lets go” Morgan smiles a little as they walk out.

~~~

The night goes by with Reid, Rossi and Hotch narrowing down their comfort zone, while Garica and Morgan go through making the unsub appear younger and running him through everything. JJ and Emily, run through their notes of the interview of some of the victims families they talked to today, coming to some conclusions that they wish they never had to. Once it gets too late and the room is filled with nothing but yawns, Hotch finally sends them home, his heart racing at the thought you have been gone for 36 hours. Everyone leaves silently hating the idea of going back to the hotel while you're missing. Once Aaron is alone in his hotel room he sits at the small desk in the corner of the room, pulling out his notebook and a file as he gets back to work, doing his best to distract his mind from the hopelessness look in your eye. You don’t think they are coming for you, no, you don’t think he is coming for you. He is, and he won’t rest until he has you back where you belong. His mind runs back to the night, the night he regrets letting you go. The night he confessed to you, that he enjoyed having you in his life more than a boss should. That he doesn’t normally allow an agent to get this close to him or his kid, and he definitely doesn’t allow his agents to cuddle up to him on his couch watching movies, or kiss him that one night. He also doesn’t allow an agent to push him on cases like you do, he doesn’t allow an agent to bring a case to him like this and get away with using his FBI statutes to get information he’s not entitled to. He doesn’t allow it, so how the hell did he allow himself to let you worm yourself into his heart, and why the hell did he let you leave that night. Aaron doesn’t realise there are tears sliding down his face, hitting his notes until there's a sharp knock on the door. Quickly he pulls himself together, wiping his face as he takes a deep breath steadying his heartbeat as he looks through the peephole. Of course it's Dave he groans to himself, wondering if he could just go to bed and pretend he’s asleep to make him go away.

“Open up Aaron I know you're there” Dave smirks, staring at the door with a knowing look. Ever so slowly Aaron opens the door, his face hard, showing no emotion.

“What's up Dave?” Aaron sighs lightly, acting tired blocking the doorway.

“Don’t what's up me” Dave rolls his eyes as he pushes past him, walking straight in.

“Oh sure come on in” Aaron says sarcastically as he closes the door, he somehow allows his guard down around Dave. Dave moves to the middle of the room then turns around, staring at Aaron, his body stiffens under Dave gaze, crosses his arms in defence. 

“What do you want Dave?” 

“You want to tell me what's going on with you?” Dave stares at him, his eyes staring a hole into his soul. 

“What do you mean, my agent is missing? I'm sorry if I’m a little on edge” Aaron snaps at him, the tears threatening to come back.

“Today you keep referring to him as your agent, you keep refusing to say his name” Dave sighs, noticing the tension threatening to break on Aaron's face.

“Dave” His name is barely above a whisper, it's a warning. “Get out”

“Not until you open up and tell me what's happened between you two” Dave pushes, taking a step forward as he spots a tear escaping down Aaron cheek as he looks away.

“Aaron its me, talk to me”

“I can’t lose him Dave, not after Haley” His voice breaks as he speaks, sitting down on the bed.

~~~

“I invited him to a soccer game of Jack one day” Aaron breaks the silence, his eyes focused on the wall opposite him. Dave is sitting at the desk, watching him quietly, he wishes he could hear this under better circumstances.

“I didn’t think he would come, you know how closed off he is. He had a rough case and I wanted to make sure he was okay during the weekend” Hotch takes a deep breath as he thinks back. 

You didn’t want to get out of bed this morning, but you promised Hotch you would go to his son's soccer game with him. Apparently because you have been on the team for over a year and a half now and you still haven’t met his son yet which is a call for concern, apparently. Slowly you dragged yourself out of bed and got ready for the day, driving to the soccer field and stopping for some coffee and um a hot chocolate, because kids like hot chocolate right? You double asked yourself as you drove to the field, earlier than Hotch had told you the game was but he said he would be there early for warm up seeing as he is the couch. You pull up into the car parks, noticing a spare park beside a familiar car so you quickly park before getting out, and making your way through the field finding your boss setting down a bag and some bottles and a kid who seems to be a mini version of him holding a ball laughing beside him. 

“Morning” You call out to them, your eyes focused on Hotch as he turns around with a smile growing on his face.

“You're earlier” He points out, walking over to you.

“I know” You smirk softly. “But I brought coffee, and a hot chocolate for the little child” 

“Thanks,” Hotch smiles. “Jack, this is (Y/n) my coworker”

“Hi,” Jack mumbles, looking down.

“Hey kid” You smile awkwardly, before picking up the coffee and offering it to Hotch.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to” He smiles warmly as he reaches for it, his smile fades as you jump slightly at his movements. 

“Oh it's no problem” You focus your smile to stay put. “Sorry” You quickly apologise, gulping quickly as you turn to Jack as you hand him his drink. “This is for you Jack”

“Woah, it's huge!” Jack exclaims, taking it. “Dad only ever gets me the small one, thank you”

You can’t help but laugh softly. “It's because I’m better than him” You tease.

“That's because I have to deal with the sugar rush later,” Aaron groans, smirking at you.

“They get sugar rush?” You look at him confused, your eyebrows pinching together looking cute according to Aaron.

“They do, you don’t know anything about kids do you” Aaron teases you, laughing as he sees his son struggle to hold the cup without dropping it.

“Oh nothing, I don’t like kids” You shrug, as you watch Jack not realising Aaron is currently staring at you with his eyes full of hope.

After the soccer game, you three went out for ice cream, the day was full of laughter and joy as you got to know the Hotchner boys. The next few weekends the same thing happened, you went to the game, then an afternoon activity with the two sweetest boys. About six months pass by, when an incident with Jack processes to push you and Aaron closer. 

You are currently watching Jack's first game of summer soccer, cheering for him from the side lines, a huge smile takes over your face as you watch him. The pride grows in your chest as he scores another goal, glancing over at Aaron by the side lines, the proud dad looks on his face as he claps loudly with the clipboard. The game is close, the team only needs one more goal and the game is theirs. The game goes by quickly with both teams playing well for kids, your heart is pounding when you see Jack got the ball lined up for the goal and the referee is about to call the game, but then he kicks and he gets in just as the game comes to an end. The team all screams and cheers with excitement, running towards their parents to celebrate, except Jack. He’s sprinting towards screaming that he’s won, before he’s jumping at you, wrapping his arms around you. You freeze, your smile falters as he touches you, but then you look down at the small boy in your arms and you smile before wrapping your arms around him, the tension in your chest breaking apart.

“You did amazing kiddo” You smile widely as you hear heavy footsteps approaches, pulling away from Jack as you glance up to meet his father's gaze, a worried look on his face quickly fades to a relieved, happy look.

“They played great” You smile at him, but your smile doesn’t reach your eyes as Jack pulls away, causing Aaron to worry internally.

“They did, you did so great buddy” Aaron looks down at his son, with loving eyes as he ruffles his hair. 

Later that night, you three have had a movie night and now Jack is asleep in his bed as you and Aaron watch a less kid friendly movie, while chatting away. 

“I’m sorry if Jack made you uncomfortable earlier” Aaron glances at you as the conversation from before dies away, your eyes stay glued on the tv.

“Um when?” You gulp, you know what he’s talking about, but you don’t want to talk about it.

“When he hugged you (Y/n), I know you don’t like physical touch”

“It's fine, It happened and it didn’t suck” You shrug, ignoring the way your body tenses up.

“(Y/n), If you want me to tell him not to do it again I will” Aaron speaks softly, watching the upset and agitated look flash over your face as you glance at him.

“Don’t do that, I don’t mind hugging him. What, am I not allowed to hug people just because I’ve never hugged someone before!” You snap at him, anger and sadness welling up inside you.

“No, I didn’t mean that” Aaron smiles sadly at you, before reaching for your hand that lays on the couch in between you both. Your freeze, your eyes focusing on his hand closely but you don’t pull away. He slowly intertwined his fingers with yours, taking a deep you slide your thumb over his, a small smile pulling at your lips.

“You said you haven’t had a hug before?” Aaron keeps his voice light as he speaks, holding your hand softly as he looks up at you. 

“Not since I was young” You talk quietly, looking into his eyes as you speak. “I know I’m not normal Aaron but I’m trying I promise” Your voice almost sounds like you're begging when you speak, your voice wobbles as your eyes water just a little.

“I know you are, I see you and you are doing a great job” Aaron reassures you. Holding back the automatic urge to pull you into a hug and tell you that nothing can hurt you anymore and that you're doing a great job and just how far you have come. But he can’t do that, because you're not ready for the praise nor ready for the way he wants to hold you and even if you are he would break the thin line of professionalism he is trying to keep between you two.

“I am?” Your face lights up a little, a smile tugging at your lips. 

“You are, do you remember when you first joined the team?” Aaron smiles as he watches you, the way your eyes slide to the wall as you think back.

“Yeah.. You kept getting mad at me”

“Mad isn’t the right word, I was concerned for you. You barely slept and never ate, you drank more caffeine than Reid and that’s saying something” Aaron jokes lightly, causing you to chuckle softly.

“Okay, but I still do that most weeks”

“Still less than you used to do, and that's an improvement” Aaron squeezes your hand softly, which makes your smile grow just a little. “You also used violence a lot more when arresting an unsub, you don’t do that so much anymore you have more control over your temper” His words sink in slowly, your heart melting as your eyes meet his, allowing his sweet words to break your walls down. 

“That one is hard, anger and violence is all I knew growing up” Your words are barely above a whisper as you admit that, squeezing his hand a little. 

“That's okay, because you are still young and you are still learning” He smiles as his thumb brushes over your hand. “Also back then you would never let me hold your hand, or even hug my son”

“Maybe it's more because you two mean something to me rather than something else” You gulp as you admit your feelings.

“Well you are welcome here whenever you like” Aaron smiles as he looks at you, his eyes filled with love as he stares into your own. He feels himself falling for you, he knows it's wrong but right now Aaron doesn’t care, because he’s never seen anyone with such beautiful eyes before.

“Can.. Can you hug me.. I want to try it” You push the words out of your throat as the nerves start to get involved. Aaron smiles softly, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you down and into his chest. You take a deep breath, half laying down in his arms, closing your eyes as you focus on his heart beat, and the warmth his arm produces. 

~~~

“You two got really close?” Dave pulls Aaron back to the present.

“Six months Dave… That night brought us even closer but six months it stayed like that” Aaron voice breaks as a tear slides down his hands shaking. “And then he pulled away, something was going on but he refused to tell me what and after one night.. That night he.. He kissed me” Aaron takes a sharp breath as that memory invades his mind the way you cupped his face as you ask him sweetly before your lips are capturing his. 

“What happened?” Dave watched him concernedly, his eyes focused on Aaron's body language. 

“He fell asleep in my arms, and the next morning he was gone, I tried to talk to him at work and he told me that he had to refocus on work, he didn’t have time for friends, I let him go Dave, I knew something was wrong but I also knew that he’s not right, he doesn't understand relationships or love, now I know why” Aaron looks up at Dave, his heart breaking. 

“This isn’t your fault Aaron” Dave reaches out, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I know Dave but–” Before Aaron could finish there's an urgent knock on the door pulling the two mens attention away. As soon as the door opens Garcia and Morgan are walking in urgent looks plastered over their faces, both carrying their laptops.

“They are going live” Morgan breaks the silence, before glancing at Hotch who is quickly drying his face., jumping to his feet quickly. All four of them gather around the laptop where the loading screens disappear and your bloody face fills the screen making Aarons insides screaming.

~~~

You are left alone for hours after being tortured, they only stopped after you screamed out the name they branded you with. You pass out at one point, your body and mind begging for a break, and against the hardest you try you black out. A sharp pain flies across your face, bringing you back to the hell you're in. Blinking rapidly while your eyes adjust to the bright light shining down at you, your eyes finally adjust landing on the man in front of you.

“Ready for round two Jupiter?” He chuckles at you, his grin is one that will forever haunt your nightmares.

“Why don’t you untie me and I’ll show you just how ready I am” You glare up at him, anger and tiredness sitting in your chest. He grabs your chin pinching it hard between his thumb and pointer finger, his eyes icy cold as he stares into you.

“Oh that's the plan, we’re going old school” A sickening feeling fills your stomach as his grin grows.

“No, not again” You spit at him, fear filling you knowing that's their plan to break you.

“Bring him out” He yells out, letting your chin go as the door on the other side of the room swings open, your stomach drops. She walks in, followed by a younger boy who seems to be in his mid teens.

“He’s too young no” You shake your head vigorously, your heart pounding. He looks so strong, but you know you're stronger even in your current state you could beat him. 

“You killed people when you were younger than him” He laughs. “Hell you are our youngest killer after all”

“Shut up” You snarl at him, your eyes flickering towards the video camera.

“Just enjoy the fight, let yourself remember the joy you used to feel” He smirks as he grabs the camera and lights moving them out of the pool before he climbs out.

“Hey, aren’t you going to untie me then” You glare up at him, your eyes glace at the kid as he approaches, his eyes are dead but focused on you. To him you aren’t a person just a chore for the day, he just needs to get you over with so he can have dinner and go to sleep. 

“He will do it” He smirks at you, before the boy jumps into the pool.

“Julian, remember the rules” Ma’am calls to the boy, her eyes flickering to yours. Her’s are filled with excitement, she can’t wait to see the next show. 

“Yes Ma’am” He nods, before approaching you, untying you quickly before backing up to his corner. 

“When 

I say start you two better give everyone a good show my lovies” She sings out to you two before giggling sickly, holding the camera zooming in on you as you stand up your eyes trained on the boy. You won’t attack him, just keep him busy until he gives up.

“Three, two one, go” Her smirk darkness as the boy lunges at you.

~~~

He’s a lot stronger than you thought he was, after a few rounds of dodging and making him chase you around the pool, he’s managed to land a few strong punches on you. Eventually he gets you down, his fist colliding with your face too much for you to think straight and soon instinct takes over. Your legs wrap around his waist, flipping you both over as you manage to get a few hits on him, he stops moving as you put pressure over his throat. A soft laugh escapes you as he starts relaxing under you, his eyes soften as fear invades them as he struggles underneath you. 

“Please don’t” He coughs his words out, but they aren’t enough to stop you.

“That’s it Jupiter finish him” She cheers for you, your stomach drops as her voice sets in. Shaking your head as you eyes meet him, you quickly let his throat go as he stops struggling under you. 

“That's not my name” You growl glancing at her, before looking at the scared boy under you. “Take a deep breath kid, you're okay now” You speak softly, guilt eating at you. He nods quickly, taking deep breaths as you climb off him, holding out a hand for him, pulling him up to his feet. Sliding his arm over your shoulder as he uses you for support, you glare up at the two viewers.

“You can try as much as you like, you're not breaking me” You breathe heavily as you try to catch your breath. You are pretty sure your ribs are broken along with your nose, more blood drips down your face.

“Bullshit” He snarls out as he jumps into the pool with you, storming over.

“Can’t break me” You smirk at him just a little.

“You won that fight, and winners here only win one way” He glares murderously at you, before you have time to process anything he lunges at Julian. A sharp howl leaves the young boy's mouth, your eyes widen as he pulls away, blood dripping from the knife in his hand. 

“No!” You scream, your hand flies toward Julian side, where the stab wound is, pressing against the bleeding as you lay him down. 

“You won, deal with it” He laughs bitterly as they walk out, leaving you two alone. 

You hold the tears back as you press against the wound, looking into the young boy's frightened eyes.

“It's.. its going to be okay kid” You try to pull yourself together, as the boy stares up at you.

“It's okay” He coughs out weakly. “They can’t hurt me now” 

“That's right they can’t” You whimper, a tear sliding down as the light in his eyes start to fade. 

“My sister here, she's beside you” His words are barely above a whisper now, goosebumps make your arms tingle. 

“Go with her kiddo, be safe now” Tears slide down as his chest stops breathing and you can’t move. Eventually you pull your hands off him, and collapse onto your back sobs racking through your body. That should be you, no one is even looking for you, this is your fault.

~~~

The team sits in silence as the live ends, Garcia keyboard is the only sound that fills the room. Tears are sliding down almost everyone's face, guilt, fear and anger fills everyone. The rest of the team had come and joined the other four earlier on, everyone had to watch your fight in silence, their hearts breaking at your screaming. The way you fell to your knees trying to keep the boy alive, then it ended, and no one knows how to proceed. 

“Penelope, do you have a location?” It's Dave that breaks the silence, his eyes landing on her. Her body is shaking as she cries but she carries on typing on her laptop.

“No, but.. But I’ve got it narrowed down, and I tapped into their viewers, maybe we can’t get something off that” Her voice is shaky as she tries to push through it. 

“Baby girl” Derek gently takes her hand, worried about her shaking.

“I.. I’m sorry” She sobs, falling into Derek's chest who holds her closely, his own tears sliding down.

“Everyone take five minutes, then back to the precinct” Aaron orders, his eyes still focused on the screen, his heart falling apart. In a quick minute JJ and Reid are running out of the room, needing time to themselves. 

Everyone knew the timeline had been cut shorter, if they make you fight again, Aaron knows you will give yourself up, he can’t let you do that.

[creative-caramel-coffee]

Extremely Extraordinarily Exhausted

Prompt: “Your complexion is scaring me, please sit down.”  (From Sombre Sapphics blog prompts)

Pairings: Wandanat x R

Word count: 600

Summary: after no sleep and a mission, your exhaustion catches up to you which worries your girls greatly

TW: fainting, exhaustion, hospitals (the med bay)

A/n I think this is the shortest fic I’ve every written lol

You had been feeling the effects of not sleeping the night before rather hard. You and Nat had just finished a mission and were in the jet on the way home. The exhaustion from the mission and the lingering lack of sleep were mixing to make a dangerous combo. You stood staring out the window and feeling rather lightheaded when nat came out of the cockpit.

“Babe?” She asked putting a hand on your shoulder that made you jump. “Sorry i didn’t mean to scare you.”

“‘S ok love.” You slurred

“Are you ok?” Nat asked concerned

“‘M fine” you responded your vision dipping as you swayed

“Your complexion is scaring me, please sit down.”

“‘M fine” you repeated

“Sit.” Nat said putting her hands on your shoulder and forcing you into the chair.

“‘M alright…” your voice trailed off as your eyes rolled back and you passed out.

“Shit.” Nat swore lifting your legs and hoping to get blood back to your brain which was hard to do in a chair so she carefully shifted your unconscious form to the floor and tried again. After a minute of lightly calling your name and holding up your legs the colour began to come back to your face and your eyes fluttered open.

“Wha happen?” You asked still tried and looking around.

“You passed out babe. It scared me.”

“Im alright love.”

“That’s for Bruce to determine when we get back your going straight to the med bay.”

“Fine.” You said shutting your eyes and trying to finally get some sleep.

The next time you woke, you kept your eyes shut as you felt the up and down movements you knew that meant nat was carrying you.

Nat walked off the jet with you in her arms and Wanda’s face dropped.

“Is she ok?” She asked rushing to Nats side and fussing with you in her arms.

“She will be.” Nat grunted shifting you into Wanda’s arms as she was also tired from the mission.

“We’re going to the med bay. She passed out on the jet then fell asleep after waking up. I think she’s just exhausted but i want to make sure its not anything more serious.”

“Sounds good.”

“I haven’t left her since she passed out, i had Jarvis land the jet for us.”

“Good.” Wanda nodded.

Turning the corner you felt yourself be set down on a bed and the feeling of a woman’s hands running through your hair.

“Baby i know you awake.” Wanda cooed. Mentally you told her you were too tired to move which made her frown. “Natty’s gone to get Bruce for you babe hang on a little longer then you can sleep my love.”

“Ok” you slurred.

Nat soon came back with Bruce who did a check up and determined you were simply exhausted and a little cold.

Nat wrapped you in a blanket and carried you back to the room promising sleep she scooped you up and began walking back to your shared room which Wanda had gone ahead to prepare with fresh sheets.

Upon the feeling of arms around you and the soft bed dip under you and the sheets drawn over you, Wanda shushed you.

“Go to sleep my sweet we’re not leaving”

“Love you.”

“We love you too. Now sleep I’m not asking” nat replied softly

MASTERLIST

[this-is-what-makes-us-fandoms]

It’s the Eyes, Chico  ||Across The Spider-Verse ||

The eyes don’t lie, they never do.

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x Reader

Warnings: angsty, desc. of fighting, near death, implied fem reader but could be read as GN too

Words: 2.8k

A/N: Tiktok always gives me such great ideas for Miguel O’Hara 💃 Anyway, I hope you all liked this and let me know what you thought.

“So? Your due date is almost here, you excited?” you asked, making conversation with your friend who sat across from you.

Jess looked at you and smiled, nodding her head. She laid her hands on her stomach out of instinct, gently rubbing her belly. “Very, and extremely nervous. I don’t want to do anything to mess this up.”

“You shouldn’t be. You’re going to be an amazing mother, Jess. My godbaby is in great hands,” you reassured her, giving her a small smile.

“I hope you’re right,” she sighed out, smiling to herself. “You ever thought about it?”

“What? Having kids?” you asked, watching her nod. You shrunk back in your seat, averting your eyes from Jess and looking anywhere else. You looked down at your half-eaten sandwich, appetite now gone. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

You lied and Jess knew it, she also knew why and pressed the subject. “Really? Not once?”

“I don’t know, I don’t really think it's for me. Besides, I don’t even have anyone, when would I get the time to even think of children?” you answer, acting nonchalant about the whole conversation.

You were still avoiding eye contact with Jess, making her brows furrow and lips press together in a tight line. You were lying again, you did have someone. “You have Miguel and I know you’d make a great mother one day.”

You scoffed lightly and shook your head, finally looking at her again. It was true, you had Miguel, for whatever that was worth. Your relationship with him was complicated to say the least. You liked him–love him–and you knew he felt the same. Yet the two of you tiptoed around each other the minute any conversation of feelings came up. That didn’t stop him from taking you to his bed any chance he had.

“Right, if he ever stops avoiding our relationship,” you let out softly.

Jess grimaced, she knew all about your situation but she had hoped it would have gotten better by now. She wanted to say something, anything to reassure you but the look on your face told her otherwise.

“I should get going, I have some stuff to finish,” you said.

Before she got the chance to say anything, you got up, taking your food tray with you. You threw your half-eaten lunch away and left the tray. You left the cafeteria, walking with no destination in mind. You had lied to Jess yet again, which you were sure she knew, there was nothing you had to do. Truth be told, you had thought of having children, even before Miguel. Miguel is who you wanted to have that with.

You were heading towards the elevator, going up to the rooftop to clear your head. When you got there, you sat on the edge, letting your feet dangle. You looked out into the city, a few cars whizzing past the building here and there. Miguel’s city was so beautiful. It always made you wonder if this was the future for your earth. Your earth hadn’t advanced that far yet.

Just as your mind was starting to clear, the door behind you opened. Your sense sets off, the aura of the person behind you being familiar. And when you turned around, Miguel was standing at the entrance.

Your eyes met, time stood still as did the both of you. He didn’t move from his spot, tension immediately filling the air. He had a blank look on his face, lips a straight line but his eyes swirled with emotions. You couldn’t tell what they were though, he could still somehow mask them. He was good at that.

“Miguel… What are you doing up here?” you asked.

“I needed some fresh air,” he answered.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, finding it funny that you both had the same idea. He’s the one that put you in this habit, coming to the rooftop whenever you needed fresh air.

“You’re welcome to join me then,” you told him, breaking eye contact and looking back straight ahead.

A moment later he was sitting beside you, leaving a foot or two of space between you. He didn’t say anything and soon, the two of you sat in silence for a while. Your mind jumped back to the conversation you had with Jess. It made you want to ask what it was that you and Miguel were exactly.

“I’m glad you’re here actually. There’s something I have to say,” he spoke, breaking the silence.

“Me too. There’s something I have to ask,” you told him.

You turned your head to look at him, eyes meeting once again. That same swirl of emotion was still in them, still masked. You wanted to know what he was thinking.

“I think I should go first,” he said. “It’s important.”

You said nothing, instead you gave him a short nod and allowed him to proceed. His tone told you it wasn’t good news. He spoke softly and sharp, the way he did whenever he needed to get something off his chest.

“We need to stop with what we do,” he continued.

You stayed stoic and calm at his words, but your chest was starting to ache. “And what exactly is that?”

“Sleeping together, seeing each other in secret. It all ends now.”

You looked away from him, turning your head to the view of his city. You blinked, rapidly to keep any tears from welling in your eyes. He was breaking up with you.

“I think we’ve been doing more than just sleeping together, and you know that.”

He did. “No. This was nothing more than just sex, don’t get it confused. It was stress relief for both of us, but it's not needed anymore.”

You let out a laugh, bitter and strained because of how he was defining your relationship. It was true, originally it was just two adults blowing off steam. But it grew into more than just that. Nights of him slipping away right after you finished turned into staying until the morning. They turned into confiding in each other with things no other person would know. And then you fell in love with him.

“You did not just call this—us—stress relief.”

“It’s what it is. We both agreed to it.”

“That was before! Before all the late night talks, before you started coming over for dinner. Before I- You know what, it doesn’t matter. You want to end this, let’s end this.”

You got up from your spot, turning your back to him and ready to walk away. You hesitated for a moment, half expecting him to stop you. When he didn’t, you took your leave and left him sitting on the edge. You waited until you were behind the door before you started crying. Tears falling freely and arms wrapping around yourself to keep you from fully breaking down.

-

It's been a few weeks since your last talk with Miguel, since he ended things with you. Since then you’ve been avoiding him and he’s been avoiding you. The first week or so you stayed away from HQ, staying on your earth to nurse your broken heart. Or at least as much as you could, being a hero didn’t really give you much time to yourself. You still had your city to keep protected.

You went back after Jess came for you, practically dragging you back. Something about missing you and how you needed to talk to Miguel. Apparently he was being insufferable lately, more than usual. You came back, but made no effort to see Miguel. Which was easier to do when he stayed cooped up in his office. You were mostly focused on taking any assignment you could, anything to physically stay out of HQ.

It wasn’t until you called for backup did you see him again. You, Jess, and Hobie were all on some earth, fighting two anomalies that had teamed up. It was safe to say you guys didn’t have the upper hand. As Jess and Hobie held off the villains, you asked Lyla to send someone, anyone. Lyla being Lyla, notified Miguel of the emergency and failed to mention it was coming from you.

He opened a wormhole and went through immediately, right where the three of you were. You were dealing with a Mysterio variant while Jess and Hobie fought his partner, Scorpion. He had the upper hand, holding you in a chokehold that you tried fighting out of. You hadn’t expected this variant to be so strong. You could feel your air circulation quickly starting to cut off, his hand squeezing tighter around your throat. You tried calling out for help, but your teammates were too busy with their own villain.

You were getting dizzy now, couldn’t even lift your arms to shoot your webbing at Beck. They fell limply at your sides, your only focus was on breathing. Your vision grew blurry and you were losing your fight. Then there was a rush of air in your lungs, the pressure around your throat no longer there. You fell to the ground, barely catching yourself and gasping for air. You coughed as you did, holding yourself against the floor.

When you regained your breath, you looked up to see your savior. Staying still when you saw who stood in front of you. It was like time stopped as you saw Miguel not even five feet away from you. His back was half turned to you, fully facing the Mysterio who had previously been choking you. He was knocked down now, landed in some rubble of the building you were in. His head turned, looking at you and stopping in his spot. You didn’t need to be maskless to know your eyes had met.

You stood up from your spot, standing tall and still, feeling breathless once again. This had been the first time you’d seen each other in a long while. You felt your heart ache in your chest, the pain was the same as the first day. You don’t know how long you stood in the same spot, neither of you making the first move. Maybe if you had, you would have seen it coming but your senses were in a haywire.

“Aranea, watch out!” you heard behind you.

You snapped out of your trance, turning around to see Beck not even a feet away. You hadn’t noticed the fact that the one who’d been choking you earlier had just been an effect. The real one was behind you. 

It was too late to move, Beck slammed full force into you and sent you flying. Your back hit against a wall, head banging sharply against concrete. You dropped to the ground, a searing pain spreading from head to toe. You didn’t have to see to know that the hit had been enough to draw blood. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe and to even keep your eyes open.

You were turned on your back, groaning softly as a familiar blue suit came into view. The nanotechnology of your suit removed your mask, Miguel coming into a better view. Your vision was still fuzzy, black spots in the corners of your eyes.

“Maldita sea,” you heard him curse softly. “Are you okay? Can you move?”

You wanted to speak but your voice was stuck in your throat, so you shook your head instead. He was careful to touch you, his touch felt like a hot searing fire. You were hurt badly, you knew that.

“Just hold on. We’re gonna get you out of here.”

You nodded again, as best as you could without it hurting so much. But as the seconds passed, you felt yourself starting to slip. Your eyes were starting to close, the dark spots getting bigger until they took over completely. And then you passed out, Miguel’s panicked voice being the last thing you heard.

-

It's been a week since your mission with the two anomalies. Since then, you’ve been laying in a hospital bed at the HQ’s medbay. You were hooked up to a few machines, ones that were monitoring your vitals and such. You were in a coma, physically your body had recovered, mentally you didn’t seem fully healed. And each day since you’ve been here, Miguel hadn’t left your side. From the moment he carried you to now.

You came to the seventh day of your coma, stirring in your spot. You could feel yourself regaining consciousness, a dull ache spreading through your body. You opened your eyes, blinking a few times and letting them adjust. You were met with a white ceiling, completely different from you expected to be. A slight panic filled your body and you moved, hands resting at your sides to help push you up.

“Hey, hey, take it easy,” you heard beside you.

You looked over to your right, Miguel was sitting by your bedside. “Miguel?” you croaked out. His eyes met yours, instantly swirling with a cloud of emotions. You couldn’t tell what they were, he was masking them once again. But the way his eyes were softened, sullen and dark, you had some idea. He was scared.

“I’ve got you, it's okay. Lay back, you’ve been out for a week,” he said.

Your eyes widened at his words, struggling more to sit up now. Just moments ago you were knocked down by Mysterio, how could a week have passed since then?

“What do you mean a week? Where am I?” you asked, voice still cracking.

“You’re in the medbay. You were hurt badly during the fight with Mysterio and Scorpion. God, what were you thinking?”

You scoffed, well more like huffed with the way you were still getting used to being awake. This was so like him, immediately jumping into blaming you.

“I was doing my job, Miguel. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Not get yourself almost killed? You were distracted out there.”

“Gee, I wonder why,” you mumbled. “What are you even doing here? Have you been waiting for me to wake up just to say that?”

“No, I… no. You wouldn’t wake up,” he let out softly, head falling. “You hurt your head pretty badly. Your nano-suit couldn’t take the full impact of the hit. When you wouldn’t wake up, I thought… I thought.”

He paused, head still lowered like he was ashamed of looking at you. You moved your hand and placed it on top of his, fingers wrapping around his palm.

“Miguel, look at me,” you called out softly. His head rose and his eyes met yours, guard down this time. You could finally tell what he was thinking, what his eyes were saying. He had been terrified to lose you. “I’m right here, I’m okay.”

He held onto your hand, squeezing it tightly as if he was scared to let go. “I thought I lost you. I distracted you by showing up and I got you hurt.”

“We were on a mission, I shouldn’t have let my guard down. It’s not your fault.”

He was quiet as you tried to reassure him, eyes never leaving yours. You knew your words didn’t quite reach him, but you still tried. His thumb stroked the back of your hand, his touch comforting. You missed him. You wondered what this meant now, since he was here by your bedside instead of avoiding you. You wanted to ask but he seemed to beat you to it.

“I’m sorry for what I said. You were right, we were more than just sex. I love you,” he said. “We’re just… we’re from different earths, I didn’t want to hurt you. We shouldn’t be together by all accounts, but I can’t stay away from you. I don’t want this to end like it did with Gabriella.”

“It won’t. We can find a way to make it work. Nothing bad will happen, I mean it hasn’t yet right?”

“We don’t know that. You know the multiverse is fragile, even the smallest thing can fracture it.”

“We can try,” you let out, voice soft and small. “I don’t want to lose you, Miguel. Please.”

“I wanted to keep you safe and I thought that was away from me. It’s not. I can’t lose you either.”

“So what does this mean for us?

“No se… but you’re right, we can try. If anything happens-”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, you pulled your hand from his grip and brought it to his face. You used it to grab it gently, leaning over the bed and kissing him gently. He kissed you back immediately, leaning over so you wouldn’t strain yourself so much. You kept your hold on him, having missed the feeling of his lips on yours.

“It won’t,” you said softly after the two of you pulled away from each other. You were looking into his eyes again, smiling at the way he looked at you. His gaze no longer cold and shielded.

[gayf1hoe]

Part 10

“Welcome back to another Formula One race weekend where we are anticipating another thrilling race in the triple header of the season. Lewis Hamillton is leading the championship by just 18 points with Y/N L/N just falling behind. And Y/N leads Max Verstappen by just 16 points. It is of course a sprint weekend so drivers will be looking to take home maximum points. Let's hope that the drivers in the top 3 can avoid contact, unlike they did at Silverstone.” 

Over the course of the past few weeks things really haven't been going my way. I have spent nearly every waking minute trying to arrange the moving details to my apartment in Monaco but since Monaco doesn't have an Airport it's been difficult to arrange all the shipping - it's also made me have a lot more respect for the team in logistics who have to move an entire F1 paddock to another country within 1 to 2 weeks.

Max and Kelly have been confirmed to be a couple which I can't say surprises me. But I haven’t been focused on them. I have made sure to spend loads of time outside in the natural environment, I have started reading again and doing relaxation tasks. Additionally the past few weeks I have spent a lot of time with Kimi. Everything I have done has been alongside him. It has felt strange hanging around with Kimi without Ollie as he is the whole reason we have met each other, but it has allowed us to get to know each other without Ollie exposing both of us, and as much as we love him he's a lot more talkative than we are so it's allowed us to open up to each other at our own pace rather than having Ollie catalyse everything. 

Sauber have also taken note of mine and Kimi's friendship and have invited him to sit in the Sauber garage over the race weekend. Obviously we had to ask Toto for permission and reassure him that Kimi isn't betraying Mercedes and that we are not trying to steal his young academy driver. 

Just before I get in my car I go over to Kimi and give him a fist bump and he reassures me I will do well. 

As It's only the sprint I can't lie I'm not that bothered. Now I know a racing driver who doesn't care about winning a race is no longer a driver. But what I mean is this is really a test for the new upgrades the team have put on the car. So I'm seeing it more as a test for Sunday. 

The track, unlike Silverstone, is dry and the weather is much warmer which makes driving a lot more uncomfortable. The stands are surprisingly full for sprint qualifying. As it's the Austrian Grand Prix weekend the crowds are dominated by a sea of Red Bull merch. As a driver your home race is the most pivotal thing of the season even if it's only your team's home race, but for the other drivers they always feel a little intimidated by the support the home fans have for home driver's and team's but at the end of the day we are racers and have to beat them regardless of the hate from the home fans. 

“Y/N Green light, we are good to go” 

Heading into any session there are always these nerves festering inside you and as the Sauber garage is at the end of the pit lane I don't have much time to take in my surroundings when coming out of the garage. 

My first lap is absolutely abysmal but I manage to improve drastically on my second lap excelling through to SQ2. The upgrades have started to show their limitations and in SQ2 I feel like I'm sitting on a bouncy castle as the car is bouncing up and down the straights. And it obviously impacts my performance. 

“Have we been bumped?” I ask my engineer.

“Yes Y/N we are P11” 

I would say I'm upset but I'm also not surprised. The car hasn't been at its best all weekend and it feels like we have gone back to square one. The team have only made one change to the car so we know exactly what it is, but we can't change it as Parc Fermé rules state teams can't change the cars before a race.

As I jump out of the car I see Kimi smiling at me eagerly out of the corner of my eye, and it seems to make me a lot less stressed and unhappy. But my anger with the car still causes me to slam my helmet on one of the table's in the garage and throw my gloves aside. 

My engineer comes by and squeezes my shoulder but I shrug his hand off and walk through the back of the garage to my motorhome which is situated in the back. 

“Y/N wait”, I hear a voice shout behind me.

“What?” I say turning to see its Kimi and I instantly regret my coarse tone. 

“Look it wasn't your fault, it was the car it's a miracle it even got through to SQ2 so don't be harsh on yourself”

“Thanks Kimi” 

“Why don't we go out for dinner tonight, just me and you”

“Sure, let me get changed out of my race suit”

I meet Kimi in the parking area and we get into the Alfa Romeo 33 Stradale the team has got for me this weekend. Kimi directs me using Google Maps but we still somehow manage to get lost in the winding streets. We do eventually emerge from the complex labyrinth of streets and arrive at the restaurant 25 minutes later than our reservation. We are seated outside but the Austrian daytime heat seems to have continued into the evening. 

“So what do you want?” Kimi asks. 

“I have no idea why don't you choose for me”

Kimi orders some seafood dishes and normally I'm not a huge fan of seafood but when it arrives at the table it looks surprisingly nice. And I'm genuinely surprised at the flavour, it's not too powerful and Kimi can see my surprise. 

“See you should trust me more often” 

After dinner we head back to the motorhomes, Kimi is staying in mine as there is a separate bed. When we get back I have to go and speak to Zhou quickly so I leave Kimi in the motorhome. It's practically pitch black and on my way back I trip and fall but stand up a bit lost. I see a lot of lights emanating from a lot of trailers and then I see a figure walking towards me. It isn't until the future gets closer that I see it's Max and as I go to avoid him he grabs my arm. 

“Max let me go” I demand 

“Wait baby”, as he speaks I can smell the strong and pungent smell of alcohol.

“I am not your baby, you have a girlfriend so fuck off and leave me alone” 

“You just want to go back and fuck Kimi is that it” 

“I'm sorry, what did you say?”

“You heard me, you left me because you wanted Kimi” 

“I left you Max because you were an unsupportive, annoying, self centred dick who only cared about himself and as much as you say you are not like your dad, you seem to be exactly like him. And you stand there like you haven't already moved on”

I storm off and enter the trailer and slam the door shut. 

“Is everything OK?” Kimi asks. 

“Absolutely fine”

When I enter the paddock I see Max walking past with his media officer and he doesn't even acknowledge me. He must either be so embarrassed about his behaviour or he was so inebriated that he couldn't member what happened. When I entered the team room, they told me that I'm starting from the pit lane because they changed the component that was making the car drive like an Alpine in the first place. 

Interviewer: So Y/N you are starting from the pit lane today. What are your plans for the sprint?

Y/N: Well hopefully make up some places and get into the points but it won't be an easy task. 

Interviewer: Have the team made changes that will improve the car?

Y/N: Well I hope so. But we know what the issue was with the car and hopefully it has been rectified and we have better pace for the Race and Qualifying. 

Interviewer: Lastly, I know you might not want to speak on this but you and Max Vertsappen what's going on with you two. 

Y/N: We are no longer dating but other than that nothing has changed he's no different to the 18 other drivers on the grid.

 It's my first time starting any race from the Pit lane and it does feel a little weird as my view of the track is obstructed but thankfully there is a screen that is angled that makes me able to see the drivers on the screen. 

“Y/N when the last driver has past the pit lane the light will turn green and you can go” 

The second I see the back of Logan’s Williams I immediately accelerate and try to play catch up. I quickly catch up with Logan and get past and set my eyes on Alex. By lap 4 I am sat in 17th which pisses me off. But my overall pace is quite good and in the straight I get past Pierre and Nico. Then as my day was starting to show an inkling of improving my engineer dashes my hopes of any success. 

“Y/N retire the car engine fault”

“This fucking car is unbelievable”

“Y/N radio off”

“Fucking unreal” 

I park the car in one of the runoff areas and switch everything off and place my head In my hands. I feel like all the progress we had made is proving to be futile and the team is just regressing back to its original state. But as Audi is taking over next year they have reduced the amount of funding and investments into departments as in their eyes there's no point if the team won't be here next year. Eventually the marshals instruct me to leave the car and I take the longest and quietest route back to the garage to give myself time to calm down and reflect. 

Reassuringly they tell me that the car will be fixed in time for qualifying but at this point I am past the point of caring, I already have a seat next year so what happens between now and November doesn't really matter. Obviously I want to finish in the top 3 of the standings but if the car continues going like this I have lost all hope. 

It wasn't exactly the sprint I was hoping for with a DNF and Lewis extending his lead by another 8 points really isn't ideal. But I guess we got some valuable data and the bouncing issue was no longer present. 

After the sprint I'm sat in the driver's private area just on my phone and that's when Daniel approaches me with his usual mischievous grin etched onto his face. 

“Hey man” he says.

“Hey Danny, what do you want?” 

“Why do you assume I want something”

“Well the past 3 times you have spoken to me the conversation has started with “Can you” so I have a valid reason”

“Well I was wondering if you could maybe speak with Max about what happened last night he's really embarrassed and wants to move on, but apparently you were incredibly harsh and rude towards him last night”

“I don't need to speak to Max for him to move on he just needs to grow up act his age and realise that what I said last night was true and that's the reason he is so provoked by it”

“God you are stubborn”

“Thank you Danny” 

The second my interaction with Danny ends he walks over to Max and shakes his head in a no fashion and Max looks a little deflated. I don't see why he can't get over me. He's already dating someone else so he shouldn't be so obsessed with me. Maybe he hasn't moved on yet. Maybe there's a chance of us getting back together. What am I even thinking, why would I want to get back with him. He was a dick to me, but I guess last night I was harsh especially when I made that comment about Jos. I know how much trauma he caused Max as a kid so I probably shouldn't have used it against him. Then again he shouldn't have insinuated that me and Kimi were together, I mean he's my friend. Yes he's cute and funny but we are just friends.

My phone starts to vibrate in my hands, snapping me out of my verbose thoughts that have created more confusion than clarity. I look down and see that it's a text from Ollie. 

****

Ollie: Hey Y/N I was just wondering what's been going on between you and Kimi recently.

Y/N: Nothing, why do you ask?

Ollie: Well he's been acting differently since you have been hanging out together.

Y/N: Differently how?

Ollie: Well for one he is normally super shy yet around you he has this new found energy and also in Silverstone he practically was asking me everything about you. Like your nickname, the most embarrassing thing you have done. 

Y/N: YOU DID NOT TELL HIM ABOUT THE INCIDENT

Ollie: No, I didn't tell him about the time you called Sebastian Vettel “the hottest F1 driver” and he ended up being right behind you. 

Y/N: Even hearing it back I cringe.

Ollie: You said it not me. 

Y/N: Anyway, me and Kimi are just friends and he probably just wants to get to know me better.

Ollie: You're probably right, we will speak later. Bye [Nickname]

Y/N: Bye BEARman. 

****

That's probably the weirdest interaction I have ever had with Ollie. I feel like he wasn't being totally upfront but I don't have time to ponder his authenticity as I have to go and do my favourite thing of all time - an engineering meeting. It's basically the most boring part about being a racing driver. You sit in a room on a video call with the team back at the base who have all the data and talk about what went well and what can be improved. For me the improvement is obviously going to be having an engine that lasts to the end of the race. 

I take my seat next to my engineer and for some reason in these serious conversations when the team is talking about data I find myself picturing something way more entertaining and spontaneously breaking out into laughter which I have to contain to maintain the “professional image” that everyone knows I don't have. 

The sun has disappeared and the skies are grey but there is no sign of tian ahead of Quali. I am pedantically walking up and down the garage as my car still isn't fixed with 6 minutes to go until Quali. But I think my presence is looming over the engineers and putting more pressure on them which is causing them to make mistakes. But as I watch the clock the seconds seem to fly by and the car still isn't put together so I look away and talk to Kimi to distract myself from the shit show that is going on behind me. 

“Y/N you can get in now” my engineer calls out with exactly 1 minute to go until Q1 starts. 

As I'm coming out my garage I see that there is a spot behind the Haas and I have enough time to get behind it before the Red Bull that's coming down the pit reaches me, I slot myself in but the Red Bull behind me - which given by the bright red number 1 on it I can only assume its Max - doesn't slow and comes down the outside of me trying to push past despite the clear line and order of traffic. 

“Typical Max” I say to my engineer.

“Yep we don't know what he's doing mate just let him go don't risk any damage”

“I have seen F4 drivers with more maturity and professionalism” 

I let him go begrudgingly and extend my middle finger over the halo making sure he can see it in his mirrors. I wait for 10 seconds to provide some space before going out on the track for my first run. The first run is only good enough for P6 so we go again and get through to Q2 in P2. 

The Red Bull's and Ferrari for some reason are massively off the pace with Charles and Sergio out in Q1. Max is also struggling as he barely got through to Q2. 

“Y/N you are the final driver on a flying lap in Q2 the driver at risk is Verstappen we are in P13”

I push the car and throw it into the corners barely touching the brakes, trying to find even a tenth of a second where possible. 

The rush up to the line is always the worst as you never feel like you are going fast enough and you always have that second of silence before your engineer tells you where you are.

“P1, you Are through to Q3 the drivers out are Ocon, Tsunoda, Ricciardo, Sargeant and Vertsappen” 

The car clearly has the pace and I have never had a GP pole position in F1 so I am determined to get it. 

We go out early in Q3 to set the benchmark tine and I come back into the pits and see that only Lando, Nico and Oscar can go faster than me. 

“We have time for one last lap, give it everything Y/N”

I change about a million settings during the lap to maximise the potential of the car and reduce time where I can.

“Purple sector 1” 

“Purple sector 2” 

The last sector always feels the longest but it's also the sector you can afford to mess up on, at least in sector 1 if you mess up you haven't lost a lot but if you mess up in sector 3 you have just ruined a good lap. 

“What did we get?” I ask eagerly as I cross the line.

“POLE POSITION” My engineer shouts. 

“Let's fucking go, awesome jobs guys” 

Reporter: Y/N first pole position of your career and I'm sure the first of many how does it feel to get your first pole position after your first win? 

Y/N: It feels weird to get pole after achieving a win, normally people do the reverse but it's a good feeling to know that today at least we were the fastest car on the track and it's a comeback from this morning and the DNF in the sprint. 

Reporter: We saw at the start of Q1 there was some drama in the pit lane between you and Max Vertsappen, what's your view on the incident?

Y/N: Well I obviously had the right of way. I got into the spot well before he reached me and for some reason he went around me and pushed in. I don't know why he did it but even in junior racing series you learn that the pit lane etiquette is to wait your turn so I don't see why he didn't do that, but I won't waste my energy on his childish behaviour. 

Reporter: Lastly going into tomorrow on Pole, you have your good friend Kimi Antonelli cheering you on from your garage, is your second career win on the table?

Y/N: Well I say let's not be too optimistic but nothing is off the table, I will try my best and hopefully get the strategy right and it will be a good race. 

After all the media and interview stuff I head back to the motorhome with the boxes of food I collected from the hospitality building. Kimi decided to come and sit inside as he was getting a little cold but I gave him my jacket so that whilst he was walking back he didn't get any colder. 

“Sorry I took so long, the media just didn't stop asking questions” I say placing the food on the table. 

“It's fine I know what it's like, thanks for the food” 

We eat our food together and spend a while chatting before we both get ready for bed. 

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” I ask and he doesn't even reply before hopping onto my bed. 

I turn on Netflix and we flip through a few movies and shows and eventually put on a true crime documentary. No more than 5 minutes later I hear a faint yet heavy breathing sound and see that Kimi has fallen asleep, how anyone could fall asleep when watching a gruesome documentary on a mass killer is beyond me.

I switch off the TV and pull the duvet to my shoulders and turn to face the wall. 

Waking up I feel a heavy weight on my chest and lift the cover to see Kimi's arm draped over my chest. I try to move without waking him but he must be a light sleeper because he immediately awakes as I try to move. 

“Sorry I tried not to wake you”

“it's fine sorry for falling asleep in your bed and then somehow hugging you” 

“It's fine Ollie has done it plenty of times, but he normally puts his entire body weight on me so that I can't move” 

The Grand Prix race nerves are mustering in my stomach the second I step out of bed. I collect my pre organised outfit from the wardrobe and get changed before placing some bread in the toaster and taking a moment to sit down and do some stretching exercises.  

“So do you think you will win today?” 

“Maybe, I'm not 100% sure on anything”

“Well I will be there cheering you on” 

“Thanks it means a lot”

“Well you are a great driver so you don't need me as a good luck charm but you might need a good luck charm when it comes to cooking”

“What do you mean?” 

“The toaster is smoking”

“Shit!”

If this is a sign as to how my day is going to go I would rather not race. After one last check of the weather forecast where it says it's not going to rain I head to the paddock autographing the odd thing for fans. One so-called fan shouts “Max is better than you” but that's not an insult, it's a fact based on data, so it doesn't upset me. 

I see Ollie wandering around the paddock so I go and sneak up behind him and scare him. 

“Where's Kimi?” He asks 

“He's coming later, we aren't joined at the hip you know” 

“Could have fooled me”

“Are you jealous Oliver?”

“No and don't call me that it's weird” 

I spend the build up to the race with Ollie to satisfy him and remind him that he's still my best friend, although deep down he knows no one will ever replace him. 

The drivers parade is usually fun but today I'm just not feeling it. I'm stood around talking with Logan and Alex as they are the people that are closest to me but I can just feel someone death staring at me but everytime I turn around there is no one looking at me. There is a huge sea of Red Bull supporters which is unsurprising as it is their home GP. 

After the national anthem ceremony I climb into the car and for the first time I have a clear view ahead of me. 

“li's lights out and away we go and Y/N gets off the line well and defends against Norris and holds onto P1. Verstappen has made up a few places and so has Zhou Guanyu” 

Lap 24: “And its Sauber who will make the first pit stop and for a team that has struggled with pit stops recently set a time of 2.1 seconds which is very respectable, Y/N will come out just behind Vertsappen who has made his way up to P5 but not for long as Y/N takes a massive dive on the inside and moves up to P5 on his pit exit” 

Lap 34: “Sauber are boxing Y/N again very early ahead of all the other drivers, and they have gone for softs. A very questionable strategy by the team to give Y/N a set of tyres that should last around 25 Laps for 37 laps let's see what he has to say about that” 

“Whoever made that call better pray for a miracle because I don't see how these tyres are going to last” 

I can't believe the team. They might have just thrown away a good race with a bad strategy call. All I can say is no one will be letting out a sigh of relief until the chequered flag. 

I sat in P3 by lap 45 which is when the team should have brought me in but thankfully the gap to the front drivers is small so when they pit I can retake the lead, but there is no way I can relax with these tyres on. 

Lap 60 is when I feel my stomach start to sink as the rears lock up and the grip becomes almost non existent. 

“Y/N if we were to box again we would come out in P6 behind Russell, do you want to pit?”

“No, just let me drive this thing”

“Copied”

With 2 laps to go my front left rear is coming off, I have seen literal chunks of rubber fly off the wheel. 

“Last lap Hamilton 2.2 seconds behind’ 

I don't think the car is going to make it to the end of the lap, I can just about turn the car and seeing the Mercedes of Lewis dart in and out of view isn't doing much good for my nerves. 

“Chequered flag, chequered flag. That's P1”

“Let's go guys. Amazing job. It was tough and I'm sure the car is missing a tyre but we did it” 

Reporter: Congratulations on a second career win in your rookie season. How does it feel?

Y/N: Pretty awesome it was so hard to get to this point so it's definitely rewarding. 

Reporter: Now we saw Kimi cheering you on from the Sauber garage. Has his presence today made you do well?

Y/N: Well he has proved himself to be a good luck charm all weekend so I might just bring him everywhere with me now. 

Reporter: Something you may not have seen is that on your overtake on Max after your pit stop he said on the radio “That's quite dangerous and bold… He doesn't care for safety”. What's your response to that?

Y/N: I say let's go back to Max's rookie year and see if he was any less aggressive or had any more care for driver safety. Recently he's been critiquing my driving but I think that's because he sees me as a threat to him. This is the 4th Grand Prix out of the season so far where I have achieved a higher finish than him but there's no reason for him to criticise me. 

The atmosphere in the garage is one of pure elation and pride. Kimi hugs me alongside every team member who are all delighted with today's result. 

There is the usual celebration party after the race but I can't be bothered to go so instead me and Kimi get a bottle of champagne and walk to a lake that's near the track but very secluded and only accessible if you have a pass to get which means no media. 

The lake is quiet and peaceful which is a welcomed sound away from the roaring engines and crowds that have certainly made me go a little deaf today. But the silence is broken by Kimi's soft and angelic voice.

“Y/N I have to tell you something…” 

[sirianasims]

Chapter 34

So It Goes…

It was Saturday morning and things were becoming predictable.

I had just gotten out of bed as Samuel entered the room. He came straight from the shower after sleeping on the couch again.

I missed him. Even when he was home, he just seemed so far away. By the time he came back from the hospital, he was exhausted. Every second of sleep was precious.

We barely talked. I couldn’t remember when we last had sex. A couple of months, at least.

He was in an even worse mood than usual today. He glared at his phone before going to the closet to get dressed.

“Samuel? Something wrong?”

“Charlie.”

Even with his back to me, his entire body radiated annoyance.

“Charlie? What’s with Charlie?”

“He’s in Copperdale and he wants to visit us.”

There was venom in his voice as he pulled the belt through the loops of his pants with angry movements.

“Oh. But isn’t that a good thing?”

“I guess. I guess I should be thankful that my brother finally deigns to grace us with his presence. Do you know how often I’ve heard from him since the wedding? Twice. To congratulate us on Hailey and Ivy. That’s all.”

“I know, but aren’t you still happy that he wants to visit?”

Samuel sighed heavily.

“Sure. It just pisses me off that everything has to be on his terms. Always. He’s practically been gone since he moved out, doing whatever the fuck he wanted while someone had to be the responsible one. And then he thinks he can just walk back in like nothing happened and be all, hey bro, care for me to drop by for dinner?”

“Admit it, Samuel, you miss him. And he’ll get to meet the girls.”

“I know. And of course I want him to meet my family. He suggested dinner tomorrow. And he even invited us to see his band play at the old warehouse tonight.”

“Tonight? We should go. I could ask Amelia to look after the girls, make it a date. We haven’t gone out forever.”

“You know we can’t do that, Freya. I have another long shift, I won’t be home until early morning.”

I said nothing. Of course. All he ever had was long shifts, and he didn’t even take the time off he was technically allowed to. I only saw him when he slept, and lately he didn’t even come to bed.

My husband was slowly becoming a stranger in the house, just dropping by for the occasional nap.

“Freya? Are you mad? If you really want me to come home early, just say so.”

He always said that. But it was a risk-free offer. He knew that I’d never demand it. I tried to rearrange my face into something less pouty.

“No. You know I can’t do that, your job is important. I just… I wish you felt that your family was just as important.”

Samuel sighed.

“Ah, yes, because you always seem to think that I’m putting my job over my family. Of course you and the girls are more important to me than my job! But as you very well know, my job is also important, I have a lot of patients depending on me.”

“Whereas we are fine without you, I guess.”

I regretted it immediately. I was stepping onto a well-trodden path and I didn’t have the energy to have this particular argument again.

Neither did Samuel. He just turned away from me as he finished tucking in his shirt.

“You know what, I don’t have time for your shit right now. I need to be at the hospital in half an hour. And if family is really the issue here, why don’t you go see Charlie’s band? You’re his family too. Then you can ask His Highness what he would like for dinner tomorrow.”

He stalked off. Less than a minute later I heard the car start.

The sun was barely up and my husband had already left in a huff. Great.

I wondered if he’d come back.

I wondered if I wanted him to come back.

beginning / previous / next

[lheewonz]

My Future Is Yours ╱╱ 종성 ✧ p.js

synopsis :: ceo’s son!jay x male!reader go on vacation in paris

“summertime is meant to fall in love”

The city is too big. Too many interruptions, too many people.

So Jay takes you on vacation, just the two of you, just how he likes it.

warning :: mentioned arranged marriage, implied homophobia

word count :: 5.5k

“There’s only one bed?” Your voice comes out a little louder than intended.

“Uhm, yea.” Jay’s eyes flick towards you almost nervously. “This is my parents anniversary vacation home, they don’t usually take me with them.”

“Ew, don’t tell me that.”

“Don’t worry I had the sheets and mattress changed. If it’s a problem I can find us a hotel instead?”

“No.” You turn away from the bed and instead choose to focus on starting to unpack the small amount of stuff you had. “We just haven’t shared a bed since high school. I’m being weird, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.” He sounds weirdly relieved and also starts unpacking. Jay looks over to the small space I put my stuff in. “I can’t believe you didn’t know we were staying for a month.”

You scoff at him. “I can’t believe you forgot to let me know we were staying for a month.”

“This is why I tell you to pack early.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just steal your clothes.” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see the way Jay lets a small smile grace his face at your words. A ding sounds off in the somewhat quiet room, and Jay picks it up. A couple of seconds later he aggressively taps on the screen before tossing it onto the bed. “Who was it?”

“My dad.”

“Is he bothering you about the company?”

“Kind of... He wants me to get married.” It’s silent after he says that. You stop what you’re doing and stare at him as if he’s grown two heads, a pit of dread fills your stomach.

“What?”

Jay sighs, “He’s trying to arrange a marriage with one of our stronger affiliate companies for more money.” You sit down on the bed, trying to wrap your head around the situation. The idea of Jay getting married, for any reason, filled you with negative emotions you didn’t even want to try deciphering.

“But you’re only 21? I thought your dad was reasonable.”

Jay scoffs. “He can be anything, but reasonable sometimes. He told me by the time he was 21 he had already met and planned to marry my mom. And ‘You should’ve settled down already’.” Jay mocks his father’s voice. He shakes his head and finishes putting the rest of his clothes in the drawers. “Mind if we skip dinner tonight? I need to sleep on this.”

“Oh, yea no that’s fine. I’m pretty tired anyway. Do you want your honey?’ You lean down to fish it out of your bag since Jay’s own bag had been filled with other necessities. You hold it out to him, he sends you a small smile and takes it from you.

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

After the both of you wash up and fix your luggage so no one falls, you settle into bed beside each other. In the darkness you stare at the ceiling, laying as straight as you can so you don’t disturb Jay when he's sleeping. You can hear clicks of the honey cap opening and closing until about 15 minutes later, Jay’s breathing evens out.

You wait a few minutes to make sure he’s really asleep before sitting up and pulling out your laptop. You spend less than 10 minutes finding a mall you think Jay will enjoy going to, to take his mind off the arranged marriage situation. After calculating how far away it was from the house and planning how long to be gone, you shut down the laptop and set it aside.

As you lay down to sleep the last thought on your mind is about the sour feelings you had gotten when Jay mentioned marriage.

Aside from that, the first couple of days of your and Jay’s trip was uneventful but peaceful. They were mainly spent shopping and then visiting tourist attractions before dinner. You had quickly gotten over the slight awkwardness at having to share a bed with Jay, especially when you had woken up randomly on the 4th night with him draped across your back, his arms encircling you loosely.

It had felt warm, and incredibly domestic, and in your sleepy haze, you had turned over in his arms to bury your face into his neck and go back to sleep. When you had woken up again, Jay had surprised you with breakfast in bed that he made himself. While you ate, Jay listed off tourist attractions to visit for the day, and then make reservations at some fancy, expensive restaurant.

You had quickly gotten used to this new routine, already having an attraction picked out when Jay had woken you that morning: the Eiffel Tower.

The morning seemed to drag on forever. Jay had proposed visiting the shopping center again that morning before the Eiffel Tower, and of course, you couldn’t say no. He pulled you in the direction of multiple shops he hadn’t had the chance to visit the first time and basically exhausted you with all the running around that was happening.

You had paused in front of a store to catch your breath while Jay went on ahead. As you were hunched over and heaving for air, the light reflecting off of something shiny caught your eye and you realized you were standing in front of a jewelry store. The glinting light attracted your attention once more and you walk closer to the display window.

A pair of silver rings glint once more under the light.

The rings make you smile and for a moment you try to remember how it feels to want to have a future with someone. Instead, you remember how once upon a time you did want to have a future with someone, only for them to ruin your life. Now the only person in your life you couldn’t imagine continuing on without was Jay. The same man who was currently running at you with a speed you didn’t know he possessed.

“Woah-“ You hold your arms out to catch him as he barrels into you after tripping over a loose stone.

“Sorry.” Jay looks to the side at the display window and then back at you. “We have to go Y/n. I want to go to a couple more shops and then we’re going to the tower.”

You groan again, knowing that means you’ll be dragged around again, but at least you’re a couple of stores closer to where you want to be. As Jay pulls you along, he takes one last long glance at the jewelry store, as if committing it to memory, and then fully sprinting away with you in hand.

The sprinting doesn’t stop until you get back to the vacation home after taking as many pictures as you had storage for in front of the Eiffel Tower.

The two of you had ended up staying outside almost all day. Instead of going to one of the fancy restaurants Jay seemed to adore, the both of you had walked around exploring the Parisian street food and Jay got to show off his French skills, smiling bashfully at the compliments he received.

You were absolutely exhausted and napped as soon as you had laid your head onto your pillow. A couple of hours later you wake up to Jay walking back into the room hiding something in his hands, but when you open your mouth to ask, he shushes you and you chalk it up to be nothing and decide to just go to sleep for the night.

The next day you forego visiting a tourist attraction, social battery burnt out from all the random chatter you partook in at all the other sites and all the late night dinners.

Jay sits on the edge of the bed, laptop in his hands as he looks up places to get lunch from. You lay across the bed behind him, holding your switch above your face playing Animal Crossing.

The silence is comfortable, the two of you just basking in each other’s presence. Occasionally you open your mouth to curse Tom Nook’s name and Jay would chuckle, but otherwise, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Eventually, your stomach growls loudly and you groan. “When’s the food going to be here?”

“Should be about 20 minutes.” You groan louder in response, tossing the switch off to the side annoyed and bored.

Your eyes close to think. Not about anything in particular, but you find your thoughts drifting to Jay’s arranged marriage. The sour feeling spreads throughout your chest, but you ignore it. You think about what Jay had relayed to you and an idea pops into your head.

After Jay shuts off the laptop, setting it off to the side, and lays down beside you, you speak. “I’ve been thinking, your dad would call off the marriage if you got a boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. What are you suggesting?” Jay looks at you curiously, almost hopeful.

“We’re in Paris, Jay. It has to be named the ‘City of Love’ for a reason.” You choose to ignore the resurfacing sour feelings once more. “I’m sure you could find someone in the 3 weeks we have left here. Someone has to meet your picky standards.”

“Picky?”

You shrug. “You’ve been single for the entire time I’ve known you, I assumed you had way too high standards.”

Jay says nothing. A couple minutes pass and you turn around to see if he somehow fell asleep, only to be startled to find that he’s already staring at you. “What?”

“I’m… in love with someone already.”

Sadness clutches at your heart almost painfully, but you chalk it up to the fact that Jay hadn’t told you about it rather than anything else. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Eventually, yes.”

“Okay, well do I know this guy?” You tried to keep your tone light, and neutral, but you weren’t sure how well that was working. Jay nods slowly. “What’s his name?”

Jay takes a deep breath. “Y/n.”

His answer makes your eyes widen. “Oh.”

It’s painfully silent after that. Jay continues staring at you while you look anywhere but at him. Questions build up inside you and threaten to spill past your lips.

“You don’t-” Jay starts to speak, but you can’t stop a question from escaping you.

“When?”

“Huh?”

“When… or how long have you, uhm, loved me?”

Jay takes another deep breath, like it’s almost painful to admit, and sits up. “When you were dating Jihoon. I don’t know if you remember, but we were hanging out after the movies and I asked you why you were with him and you said you didn’t see a good future with him, but ‘Who else would love me like this?’. And I remember being upset and thinking I would love you the way you deserve… That was when I realized.”

Your mouth goes dry and you sit up as well. “That was... 5 years ago Jay.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, Jay.” The way Jay’s face falls just slightly as if he knew what you were going to say, but still had a little hope, makes your heart break a little. “I can’t say I feel the same. Ever since Jihoon, I’ve never thought of dating.”

The silence returns. You want to say something, but you’re not sure how to make this better. A part of you feels as if you should’ve just accepted his confession, you’ve known Jay for long enough to know that he would be perfect, but you also know that Jay deserves you being genuine with him. A part of you regrets bringing up the topic in the first place. Another part of you thinks that you should explore this.

Dating Jay would be so easy. He already knows almost everything about you (and vice versa), Jay could cook, he was sweet and always considerate of your feelings, and there was no worry about him outing you to your parents as that had already been done (thanks Jihoon). Really there were no cons, except that Jay could realize that dating you maybe wasn’t what he wanted, but he had already been in love with you for 5 years and had constantly seen you at your worst.

Maybe… you should give it a try. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work out.

For the entirety of your mental deliberation, Jay has been quiet and staring at the wall just past you. When you look at him you realize that maybe, you had taken a little too long to think. Jay was anxiously fiddling with the cap of his honey bottle.

“I have an idea.” Jay’s eyes focus on you immediately. “I- I wouldn’t be opposed to dating you.”

“But you don’t like me.” Jay shakes his head. “Don’t date me because you feel bad.”

A frown finds its way onto your face. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I didn’t say I would be your boyfriend, just that we should date. Isn’t the whole point of dating trying to find out if a relationship is worth pursuing?”

It’s Jay’s turn to frown. “If you thought I was worth pursuing, you would’ve liked me already.”

“Jay…” You sigh. “You of all people know how things were for me after Jihoon broke up with me. I wasn’t really looking to pursue anything, with anyone. If I had known you had liked me before, maybe we’d dating already.”

He raises an eyebrow at your words. “So, what? You want to… give it a ‘trial run’ or something?”

“Basically.” You shrug. “We still have about 3 weeks left on vacation. We could date for the rest of our vacation and I’ll tell you how I feel.”

Jay thinks and then shakes his head again. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

“Because I don’t want to just move past this without giving it a chance and regretting it later.”

Jay scuffs his feet against the carpet taking his time to think about your proposal. “…What will happen after..? If you don’t like me..?”

“That’s up to you, but I hope we could still be friends after.”

Jay looks you in the eyes, and serious as ever. “I couldn’t live my life without you.”

“I couldn’t live mine without you either.” You hold eye contact with him, noting the very light blush on his cheeks. “So…? Are we doing this?”

A hand comes up to hide the small smile on his face and then goes to rub the back of his neck. “Can I start right now?”

“With what?”

“I want to cuddle with you until the food gets here.”

“We always do that?” You watch him hold his arms out to you and you scoot towards him. It feels just a little bit awkward as his arms wrap around you and pull you closer. He lays down with you in his arms and you can feel the way his breath hits your ear and you can hear how fast his heart is beating.

“It feels different now.”

If you focus enough to distract yourself from the way Jay surrounds you completely, you can feel the way your own heart is beating fast. “Yeah, you’re right.”

The following weeks are… different.

Well, not that different from when they had first arrived, but now that you know how Jay feels, and you’ve both agreed to try dating, everything feels… different. Everything Jay does feels more purposeful in a way. The feeling of being spoiled grows exponentially.

The way Jay has added in light forehead kisses to his routine of waking you up with breakfast ready. The way Jay buys everything you show the slightest amount of interest in. The way Jay insists on you wearing his clothes for dinner. The way Jay cuddles you at night, tightly holding onto you like he’s afraid you’ll be gone when he wakes up.

All the little things he did, that have changed just slightly, and now you can see his intentions.

Eventually, you run out of places you want to visit, so instead the both of you start to spend your days tangled up in each other. Sometimes you’re silent, and Jay checks his emails maybe even getting a little work done (so he’s not terribly behind when the both of you finally go back) while you play games or nap beside him. Other times the both of you sit on the balcony, huddled up together under a blanket, and talk. Jay would bring out the good wine and you would get a little tipsy, giggling into each other before dinnertime.

After a longer day of drinking on the balcony, you end up skipping dinner and settling in with Jay to sleep. You fell asleep to Jay stroking your hair and whispering words that made you blush lightly into your ear, the last thought on your mind being "I don’t want this to end".

It wasn’t until the next morning that you started thinking about how you felt. You had woken up first for a change and quickly turned off Jay’s alarm to let the pretty boy beside you sleep longer. As you shifted around in the bed, Jay’s grip on you tightened and you stopped to look and see if you had woken him. All you saw was his pouting sleeping face. Your smile is involuntary and you reach over to brush the hair out of his face before managing to maneuver yourself out of his arms and replace yourself with a pillow.

Quietly, you walk into the kitchen, after brushing your teeth and washing your face, determined to surprise Jay for a change, despite your lack of cooking experience. How hard can it be?

Surprisingly, you made it through the eggs okay, all that was left was to actually finish cooking the rest of them after your little test to see if you seasoned them right. You decided to put the eggs on the stove to cook and then turn your focus to mixing the waffle batter, which would be the worst idea you’ve had in a while.

Ten minutes later the fire alarm goes off after you’ve left the eggs on the stove for far too long while you were trying to fix the waffle batter that was way too watery. Jay slowly walks into the kitchen, still sleepy and extremely confused, as you just stare at the burning eggs. He reaches around you to turn off the stove, picks up the pan, and puts it in the sink, letting the water run. He shuffles back to you and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head against your shoulder. “If you were hungry, why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I wanted to surprise you…” Jay frowns at your dejected tone and runs a hand up and down your back comfortingly. “I’m sorry.”

“The batter looks-“

You shake your head, interrupting him. “It’s too watery. I kept adding flour to make it better, but then there was too much flour, so I put more water and now it’s too watery and there’s too much batter.”

Jay’s silent for a moment and then he pulls back. He angles your head down and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Thank you for trying. Do you want to clean up and then go to the cafe for breakfast?”

“I’m paying.” Jay opens his mouth to protest, but you cut him off before he can speak. “I want to pay, please?”

“Fine.”

The two of you get to work, Jay cleaning the numerous amount of utensils and bowls you used, while you cleaned up the rest of the kitchen, somehow managing to find flour in random cracks and crevices. Afterward, Jay pulls you into the bedroom and tosses one of his hoodies at you.

“Why’d you tell me to pack clothes if you were just gonna make me wear yours.”

Jay shrugs. “I can’t help what I like. Do you want to walk to the-?”

“Yes.” You cut him off by accident, blushing at the way he raises his eyebrow at your eagerness. “…I want to hold your hand.”

Jay laughs at your shyness. “We can still hold hands in the car?”

“I know, but it’s… different. Shut up.” His laughter grows louder. You slip his hoodie on over your shirt and leave the room to wait by the door and put your shoes on. Minutes later Jay comes out wearing a hoodie and sweatpants like you, his shoes already on.

He grabs the house keys and then reaches for your hand. “If you get tired, I’m not carrying you back.”

You scoff at him as he opens the door, pulling you through it. “You will.”

“I will.” He agrees and smiles at you. It’s then, looking at his smiling face, that you realize just how much you like him and how you were stupid to not realize it earlier. The way your mood soured when Jay mentioned the possibility of an arranged marriage. There was a very fine line between cuddling as friends and cuddling as friends that liked each other, and you were certain that you and Jay had crossed that line numerous times over the years. The way you had felt about Jay had been pretty set in stone for over 4 years, and yet it was only now that you were realizing those feelings weren’t just admiration or platonic love, but genuine like (or love considering it’s been 4 years).

The walk to the cafe continues in silence as you think about the man next to you. The past 2-3 weeks have made you realize just how blind you’ve been. It had been such a shock to you when Jay had first told you how he felt, but as you walk, it hits you that the way he’s been treating you hasn’t changed, aside from his touches becoming more confident after he confessed.

You remember how he used to hover around you, even before the two of you became such good friends. Every memory of the beginnings of your friendship that you can think of involve Jay around you in some capacity, seemingly desperate to be in your space, despite him only being friends with other mutual friends at the time. You squeeze his hand, smiling when he reciprocates, reminiscing on how far the both of you have come in 6 years.

The bell of the cafe startles you out of your memories. Jay greets one of the workers with a wave and he pulls you to a secluded booth in the back and you sit face to face. Seconds later the employee Jay waved at brings your food and you raise your eyebrow at him.

“I may have called beforehand.”

You squint at him, “Did you pay beforehand?” All of a sudden Jay seems to find the menu more interesting than your conversation. You scoff at him and pull your hand out of his grasp.

“No- Wait, I’m sorry.” He reaches for your hand again, but you scoot further into the booth away from him. “Y/n…” He scoots towards you, but you scoot away again. “Come back.”

You give him the stink eye, “No. Stay over there.”

Jay, of course, does not listen and it turns into the two of you scooting around the booth, circling each other. The food is starting to get cold, and it seems there’s no end to this, until- “Y/n, baby, please.”

The pet name makes you pause, your hands coming up to conceal the blush spreading across your cheeks, and seconds later Jay’s arms encircle your waist. “Got you.”

You roll your eyes at his smug tone and then reach across the table to grab your food. “You want me so bad.”

“I do.”

“I know that… now.” You rest your head on his shoulder. “I was thinking about how you used to follow me around, earlier.”

Jay barks out a laugh at that, briefly attracting the attention of the other cafe customers. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“You’re finally making progress after 6 years, how do you feel?” You hold your fist up to his mouth as if you were holding a mic.

“Can I be honest?”

“Always.”

“Like I want to kiss you.” Your eyes widen a bit. “Can I?”

You stumble over your words as you respond. “I- Yea. Yes, you don’t have to ask.”

Jay’s hand finds your chin and tilts your head up to face him. Your heart pounds as he leans in and you forget that you’re out in public. His lips meet yours and you almost forget to breathe. The kiss is special, but not special in a way that you felt sparks fly, more so that kissing Jay felt so natural, like a piece of you that you didn’t realize was missing until you had it. The kiss is a chaste one, not lasting very long, and as soon as Jay pulls away you lean in for another peck.

You settle down against his shoulder and finally start eating your, now cold, breakfast sandwich. Beside you, Jay can’t stop smiling. “Eat your food. I woke up too early for this.”

“You can nap if you want to, I know you woke up earlier than usual. You even turned off my alarm.”

“You drank more than I did, I wanted you to rest.” You shrug, taking another bite of your sandwich. “I thought you said you weren’t going to carry me.”

Jay finally takes a bite of his own breakfast. “I changed my mind. I might get weird looks, but I’d rather you get as much rest as you can.”

You finish up the last couple bites of your sandwich and then interlace your fingers with his as you close your eyes. “If you insist.”

“Y/n? Are you awake?” Jay's voice calls out to you softly from above. Your eyes stay closed and you only hum in response. A sigh leaves you when you feel Jay’s hand start to card through your hair. “Wake up, it’ll be time for dinner soon.” With your eyes still closed you pout, irritated at the thought of having to get up, and Jay laughs softly. Seconds later you feel his lips brush against your forehead. “Okay, I’ll cancel the reservation.”

The resulting small smile on your face must look silly because Jay laughs louder this time. Your smile grows a bit wider when Jay kisses your cheek, and wider when he does it again, until you’re laughing and he’s pressed kisses all over your face. After a few minutes, Jay pauses and you take the time to calm yourself and mentally prepare to open your eyes. A few more minutes pass and you can feel Jay’s stare.

You open your eyes to see Jay lost in thought above you, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouting slightly. You reach up to smooth his wrinkles with your thumb, “What are you thinking about?”

You watch Jay contemplate his answer before he opens his mouth. “Marry me.”

Your eyebrows raise in surprise. Your shocked eyes meet his intense ones, as he stares back at you intently, awaiting your response. A nervous chuckle escapes you, “I feel like you skipped a couple chapters.”

Your nervous tone seems to remind Jay of your current situation and he backtracks quickly. “Not- I didn’t mean right now.” He moves to sit beside you as you sit up to listen to him better. “I would love to marry you one day. It’s just… I’ve been in love with you for so long just asking to be your boyfriend doesn’t feel like enough.” His hand reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box.

He laughs when you shift beside him nervously. “Whatcha got there?”

“Relax, I’m not proposing, yet.” He opens the box to reveal the matching rings you had seen earlier that week. “They’re promise rings.”

“Oh.” You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“I saw you staring at them, and I may have gotten a bit ahead of myself. I bought them while you were sleeping.” Jay holds his hand out for yours, grabbing one of the rings with his other hand. When you place your shaky hand into his, he slips the ring onto your middle finger and presses a kiss to the back of your hand. “I want to promise my future to you. I’m not asking you to promise the same thing, you don’t even have to wear the ring if you don’t want to. Just have it and know that I love you- That I’m in love with you, and there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you.”

“What if I didn’t want to put a label on us and we just stayed like this? Just Y/n and Jay.” Jay leans forward and presses his forehead against yours.

“That’s okay. My time is yours to waste if you choose to do so.”

You close your eyes and take a moment to process what he says. “That’s dangerous, Jay.”

“I don’t mind anything as long as it’s you.”

“…Then I guess you’re lucky your boyfriend isn’t some psycho who would take advantage of that.”

“Boyfriend?” You feel Jay pull away from you and open your eyes to see his hopeful expression.

“Give me your hand.” You grab the other ring from the box. Jay’s eyes follow as you slip the ring onto his middle finger and then lace your hands together. “I want to promise the world to you. You deserve so much, you’ve been with me through everything. I want to promise my future to you as well…” A long pause follows as you try to find the right words.

Jay closes his eyes, seemingly preparing himself for whatever else you have to say. “But?”

“But I can’t.” He exhales sharply.

“You know better than anyone how I feel about commitment. I really lo-“ You stop short, realizing what you were about to say, and look down to avoid the way Jay’s gaze turned to you quickly. “I, uhm... I really like you, Jay. Even before realizing how I liked you, I never imagined my future without you. So, no, I can’t promise my future to you, yet. But know that I will get there and it won’t be a waste of time and in the meantime I want you to be my boyfriend.”

For a moment it’s like everything stops as Jay processes what you say. He opens his eyes and stares at you first, then lowers his gaze to the rings. “Can I kiss you?”

“I already said you don’t have to ask.”

“Yea, but it’s a serious moment, and I-“

“Jay.” You interrupt what you can tell will develop into a ramble.

“Right.” In no time at all Jay’s lips meet yours, gentle, but filled with passion. He leans forward into the kiss, pushing you backward to lie on the bed. He pulls back slightly, pressing a couple more light kisses to your lips. “Being your boyfriend sounds amazing.”

“Good.” You wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his torso. “You’re stuck with me.”

Jay’s chuckle makes your face flush. “There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with.” A quick kiss is pressed on your cheek.

“You should call your dad. Since.. you know.”

“Oh. Right.” Jay rises from the bed and grabs his phone on the way to the bathroom for privacy. You stay laid across the bed and think about the future. A furious blush spread across your cheeks as you remember what Jay had said earlier about marrying you. You can picture your future together already, waking up to him beside you every morning, every anniversary being treated as the most important holiday, adopting together, and having a family.

While you’re lost in thought, smiling to yourself, Jay comes back into the room smiling. He plops down onto the bed beside you. “My dad said he already knew.”

“Then wha-“

“I don’t know, I stopped questioning him a long time ago.” Jay then frowns. “He also said he’ll disown me if I ever break your heart.”

You laugh sharply. “I had a feeling he loved me. No matter how much he acts like he doesn’t.”

“He’s gonna start treating you like you’re his son instead of me.” Jay shifts towards you, resting his head on his hand. “What were you thinking about?”

You sigh softly and turn your head towards him, “Us. The future.”

“You don’t have to think about it too much. I’m willing to wait as long as you need me to.”

You simply smile at him and shrug. “I think I feel good about the future.”

“You do?” You can see the way Jay fails to fight off his smile. “Why?”

“Because it’s with you.” Jay surges forward, capturing your lips once more. The kiss is slow and purposeful. Your hands come up to find purchase in Jay’s hair, trying to pull him closer against you, despite being as close as you can be. The long kiss eventually dissolves into a series of kisses.

“I’m extending our vacation.” He says between kisses.

“Oh? Okay.”

“i’m asking for your love, i don’t wanna go home”

TAGLIST

@jiminzfav-furry @gunilsfurry

a/n :: the rings can look however you want em to look fr fr but these are ones i found n really like.. it took me 2-3 weeks to write this i'm so sick

pls like and reblog!! and give me feedback!! 🫶

[giveitalltodaddy]

There she is, the girl that I had had a crush on all through high school. I haven’t seen her in at least four years since graduation. She still looks the same. Same small frame, about 5 ft 2 in, and maybe 130 pounds. In high school she was head cheerleader. She was very prude and knew she was the hottest girl in school. She used to tease me because she knew I liked her. She would make fun of me for it and say things like:

“Do you really think you’d ever have a chance with a girl like me?”

“I’m way out of your league.”

“You’ll never be with someone as hot as me.”

And for the most part she was right. I was just a scrawny guy with straight A’s and wasn’t really good at much else. A lot has changed since then. With my good grades I was able to get into a good college. I had just graduated with my Bachelors and was now going back to get my Masters. I’m also not a scrawny guy anymore. Since high school I have wanted to reinvent myself and never be overlooked again by girls. So I hit the gym hard, work out 5 times a week, and make sure to do my cardio. I’m about 6ft and a solid 245 lbs. I’m built and I love the new me.

I’m sure she won’t recognize me when I walk past the stair stepper that she’s on, but when I cross her path she stops me and calls my name. I’m surprised and turn to meet her gaze. I’m met with much more than that. She’s off of the stair stepper and just a few steps away. She wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me.

We chat for a bit. Mostly we catch up through small talk. I learn that she graduated college as well but just with a liberal arts degree. She isn’t sure what she wants to do with her life, so she’s just working as a waitress for now. She’s hot and has the body for it, so she makes good tips. She goes on to say how she wishes she hadn’t teased me so much in high school. How I was a sweet guy and probably the only guy who liked her for her and not just because she was the hottest girl in school. I appreciate what she says but don’t really pay much attention to it. She says she’ll let me get back to my workout and beads back to hers. It’s pretty late, almost 2am, and she wants to finish up and head home to get some sleep.

I go to start my workout. I see that the room is empty besides us and the couple workers that are here, so I just pop my headphones out of the jack and play my music out loud. It’s an easy day, nothing but shoulders and back. I get through my workout and work up a nice sweat. I look around and she’s gone, so I figure she finished her workout and left. I head towards the locker room. Usually I shower and leave, but now I want to go sit in the Sauna for a little bit.

I put my clothes in the locker, wrap myself in a towel, and head towards the Sauna. I’m super excited for this. I need it. My muscles are super sore. I go to open the door and crack it a bit...and there she is. She is in the boys’ locker room Sauna. But what is she doing..? After a few seconds of surprise, I notice she is laying on the bench playing with her pussy. The sight of this gets me hard. I stand there for a minute and watch as she rubs herself and moans.

I slip in and stand over her and say,

“Now what do we have here?”

She sits up and tries to cover herself. I grab her towel and wave my index finger.

“Oh no, you’re not gonna cover up. I’ve wanted this for such a long time and all you did was make fun of me. I’m gonna show you how much I’ve changed. How much of a man I have become.”

She tries to protest, but I’m not having it. We are the only two here and she is gonna take my cock. I walk closer to her and she tries to move away. I grab a handful of her hair and force her to her knees. Then I drop my towel. My cock is no more than a couple inches away from her face. I am already semi hard.

“Open your mouth, you little slut. I’m gonna fuck your throat like I wanted to all those years ago.”

She continues to protest but I grab my cock and put it up against her lips and squeeze her nose shut so she has to open her mouth to breathe. When she does, I shove my cock into her mouth and begin to thrust it in and out between her lips. She tries to fight it, but after a few thrusts she starts to get into it. She bobs her head over my cock and takes it deep into her throat and gags on it. It feels so good. She has me moaning and gripping her hair and fucking her face.

I stand her up and bend her over and put her right leg up on the bench. She didn’t think it would get this far. I can feel the hesitation in her body. She must’ve really liked what I was doing to her though because she is dripping wet, but when I try to tease her clit with my cock she pushes me off and closes her legs. I grab her by her hair and pull her head back.

“You listen to me...I’m going to fuck this pussy. You’re going to put your leg on that bench and you’re going to cum on my cock, whether you like it or not.”

I put her leg on the bench and shove my cock into her pussy. She is dripping wet so I slide deep into her pussy with one stroke. She moans and arches her back, putting me deeper into her. She is so tight on my cock. It is everything I knew it would be. I know this isn’t one of those making love moments though. I’m gonna fuck her brains out and make her remember this moment.

I rub my hand from her back to her neck and up onto her head. I ball up my hand and grab a big handful of her hair and pull her head back to suck on her neck. I smack her ass with my other hand.

*smack*

She lets out a small moan.

*smack*

*smack*

Her moans become louder. I am giving her long, deep strokes, but they aren’t slow. I want her to feel every inch of my cock as I pound her to orgasm. I can feel her grip my cock when I pull out, and when I slam back into her she can’t help but moan. She is creaming all over me. I pull halfway out and scoop it off my cock and show it to her.

“Look at what I’m doing to you. You’re loving every bit of me fucking your pussy.”

I put my fingers in her mouth and make her taste herself. I start to fuck her again. I reach up and start to play with her breast. Her nipples are so hard and I love grabbing them between my fingers and squeezing them. Her moans become louder and her breaths are speeding up. I can feel her pussy start to grip my cock and I know she is very close to orgasm. I wrap my arm around her throat and squeeze. I guess this is too much for her because she starts to squeeze my cock harder. The feeling is too much to handle. I can feel my orgasm getting nearer, so while she is still in mid orgasm I move my mouth close to her ear and say:

“I hope you’re enjoying yourself, because I’m about to fill this pussy up with my cum.”

It takes her a second to process what I have just said, and when she finally does it is too late. I have already thrust deep into her, and the last squeeze her pussy gives me is all I need. I unload deep inside of her and when she feels that first jet of cum shoot into her the only thing she can say is:

“No, you can’t! I’m not on any birth control.”

I guess my cock hears this and I feel a huge jet of cum shoot inside of her and it feels so good. I can’t tell if she is still cumming or if she is having another orgasm, but her pussy starts to squeeze on my cock again. It feels like it is sucking the tip of my cock and all of my sperm inside of her cervix.

This is too much for my sensitive cock head. I try to pull out, but her pussy is sucking me in and I can’t. I just stay deep inside of her and wait until I get soft. Her pussy finally lets me go and I step back and my dick flops out. I keep your leg up and look at your pussy to see if any cum will drip out. Not one drop does. I know her pussy wanted my seed and it made sure to keep it all. I look at her and say:

“Now get out of my locker room, and I’ll see you same time tomorrow for another deposit.”

She grabs her towel and heads toward the door. She turns around and smiles as she pushes the door open to head to the girls’ room for a shower. I can tell she wanted to say something but just kept it to herself. She leaves and I stay sitting on the bench. I just can’t stop thinking about how good her pussy felt and how I never would’ve had the balls to do what I just did to her in high school. I stand up and go to take a quick shower. I’m dressed and heading out when I see her drive past me and wave. I think I could get used to this!

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Fandom For Dummies: A totally objective and 100% correct ranking of the different ASOIAF fan communities

Nobody asked for it, but here’s my unwanted ranking of the largest ASOIAF communities on the internet:

7. X (the website formally known as twitter)

This is a cesspool; easily has the worst takes imaginable and it doesn’t help that’s it’s mostly like two fandoms at the forefront of this. Show watchers blend into book readers and this causes so many bad takes on every character. People talk big mad about characters, until you realize that they have never read a single chapter for said character and are basically just spewing whatever nonsense oomf told them to. Fights are petty and uninteresting, not to mention just how unhinged HOTD twitter stans are. Back in my day things weren’t this bad. But the last few seasons of GOT made everything 1000x worse.

6. Tiktok

I went back and forth with this one but I think it should be near the bottom. Tiktok is basically just twitter lite. People are not as unhinged on tiktok as they are on twitter, but they still bring their nonsense stan wars which means that it’s super rare to find good asoiaf content because everything is basically wrapped up around “how do I make my fave look good by making everyone else look bad?” People who have never read the books also never hesitate to give their bad takes. Tiktok is also notorious for straight up stealing stuff from Reddit and tumblr, and then wrapping it all up with the stan twitter logic - which is a proven recipe for disaster. Don’t expect to find particularly gripping analysis on tiktok that you haven’t seen anywhere else. Shoutout to that one account that posts lore videos though - they’re single-handedly hard carrying that godforsaken app.

5. Quora

It might be an unpopular opinion to rank this anywhere other than last, but I put it above twitter and tiktok because you can actually find good analysis here and there. However, Quora is also a massive echo chamber that enables the worst circle jerks imaginable (we’re all familiar with that famous poster who acts like Dany literally murdered their entire family, aren’t we?). Quora was shockingly bad way back when I joined this fandom and nearly a decade later, it’s still terrible. But this ain’t special to the asoiaf community. Quora as a platform is intensely toxic. For being a cesspit of hate, it gets a near bottom ranking but still manages to rank above twitter for actually sticking to book content every now and then. Also, there’s usually not a whole lot of shipping wars which is a major plus!

4. Reddit

I’ve also gone back and forth with this one because it could rank higher or lower depending on the time of day. But it’s been a hot minute since passable content came out of Reddit, which explains why it isn’t any higher than fourth. This is a site that is capable of great good, and also great evil. Some cool theories have come out of it (e.g., the Night Lamp theory), but the downside is that this happens once in every five blue moons. Most of the time, Reddit is one giant circle jerk of whatever is the opinion of the day. Think Tyrion is the devil incarnate? Well you’re in luck, because so does literally everyone else. The makings of Reddit’s core demographic also means that female characters are more likely than not to get lambasted for every little thing (e.g., Cersei getting victim blamed for the abuse she suffers). Sure you could find good analysis, but it will be right alongside the most shockingly bad take on any given character that you’ve ever seen (just ask any Arya stan). A majority of redditors also employ the most surface level analysis of any character which lends to the bad takes, but this isn’t anything new considering that tiktok and twitter do the same thing but worse. Major plus though, little to no shipping! Which means that we get to avoid fighting about which teenage girl gets to shag Jon Snow. For having elements of both the good and the bad, Reddit is firmly middle of the pack. But shoutout to r/darkwingsdankmemes for single-handedly hard carrying the asoiaf Reddit communities. Y’all are doing the lord’s work (though it’s not like the bar is that hard to clear to begin with).

🥉 YouTube

Ok, woah YouTube in the top three?! Yes, hear me out. YouTube is really good at presenting out new theories, especially pertaining to the magic side which often gets overlooked everywhere else. In fact, I’d argue that it’s the second best place to get any sort of discussion on the magic side of asoiaf without falling into some bizarre stan war echo chamber. YouTube also doesn’t have the shipping wars that you find everywhere else, which makes the fan experience a lot more fun. Now a major downside is that a lot of analysis on there is either borderline crack on wheels or the most surface level reading imaginable. Some creators also push a lot of hate towards certain characters (we all know who they are). But still, it’s not the cesspit that Reddit is and you’ll be able to find interesting stuff everyday. It’s like tiktok, if people actually tried to think for themselves and analyze the books outside of an echo chamber. When you learn to filter out the bad faith arguments, YouTube has great content, especially if you’re a new fan and are trying to learn about the lore or get some explanation on popular fan theories. Shoutout to AltShiftX (for when they stick to presenting out basic lore), CivilizationEx, Radio Westeros (though they started out on westeros.org), and many more for the work that they do. Tiktok wishes they were you!

🥈 Tumblr

Tumblr is a GREAT place for fandom engagement! Ok let’s start with the bad: shipping culture. This has almost completely ruined the fan experience. Especially for ships that are not yet even cannon (yeah don’t all gasp at once). Either you think Sansa (a 13 yr old girl!!) is the devil incarnate or you think Dany (a 16 yr old!!) needs to be strung up by her toes. Every now and then, poor Arya will catch some strays. This also means that you’ll find a lot of bad faith “analysis” for the anti-ship characters. And to make things worse, Jon is in the middle of this and so every group is guilty of either misconstruing or vastly misinterpreting his character to further whatever their agenda is. Now onto the good. For all the flak tumblr gets, it’s given us some of the best character analysis you could find in greater asoiaf fandom. There are so many incredible asoiaf blogs and even the shippers post great content. There also a variety of good stuff which allows you to curate your fan experience. You’re a Theon stan? Great! There are a bunch of wonderful Theon posters on here. A Stannis stan? Fear not, you’re in good company! There’s something for everyone and you can stay in your own cute little stan bubble, which can’t be said for the other communities. Tumblr also has great artists and gif makers too, which you won’t find anywhere else (well, maybe the editors on tiktok). Something that keeps tumblr in the higher ranks is that there’s something new everyday. This site, for all its faults, has managed to stay active and keep things fresh after all these years. But the shipping wars man…that’s what’s stopping us from being the best. Let’s #MAKETUMBLRGREATAGAIN2024!

And the best ASOIAF fan community is 🥁 🥁…..

🥇 Westeros.org

Yes, Westeros.org is still the best asoiaf fan forum after nearly two decades. To this day, the best asoiaf analyses have come from this forum. The reread projects, in particular, are top of the class: The pawn to player threads which single handedly changed how we discuss Sansa Stark (+ the same people did the Arya reread projects); the learning to lead reread project which was a cool joint project by Jon and Dany fans; the Jon and Tyrion reread threads, the best of them all, which were spearheaded by the forum’s top posters; the moments of foreshadowing threads; the ‘can’t believe I missed that’ threads, the heresy threads for off the wall magic theorizing; the over 150 RLJ threads…the list goes on and on. Westeros.org has been the backbone of asoiaf fan discussion for years and years. Also, some of the funniest posts ever made (e.g., the ‘Sandor and Gregor Clegane are brothers’ theory) have come from that site. Does this forum have its faults? Absolutely. Just as all the others do. I’ve been around long enough to see the tides turn on which female character needs to be hurled right down to hell. Way back then it was Sansa and Catelyn, then came the huge anti-Dany circlejerk (which is still there tbh), and now it’s Arya who’s satan incarnate. Another ding against this forum is that is has not managed to keep it relevance after all these years; Tumblr has been much better on that front. Westeros.org lost its best contributors as the show overtook the books and is now a husk of what it once was. BUT, you’ll still find good discussion from the ten people who still log on everyday. This site actually focuses on book content, as there’s a dedicated book only forum. It’s also the best place to find extensive discussion on the different magical elements in ASOIAF. So instead of arguing about who is or isn’t Azor Ahai, which is frankly so 2014, posters on Westeros.org will actually spearhead some pretty out there analysis on the different magical elements. They’re not afraid to go against the grain, which is how we got the heresy threads - an entire subforum that encourages readers to think outside the box, which you won’t always see on tumblr or other sites. Westeros.org is not what it used to be but once Winds is out, I’m sure it will be returned to its former glory.

Didn’t include other sites like Tower of the Hand (which was pretty decent back in the day), Winteriscoming.net, and many others because they’re just not as big. Anyway, I’m 100% correct. GRRM himself told me so 😤

[granulesofsand]

🗝️🏷️ mentions of RAMCOA programming and other abuse

We got family therapy. Twice. Both times we were so excited, going in hoping beyond hope that this would fix all of us. It took 7 years straight of begging and weaseling around defenses (from age 9 to 16).

The first time was in a PHP/IOP center, and the focus was still only on us. We were there for treatment, so we were the problem; the therapist only spoke about what we were doing wrong in the dynamic. When we got about ten minutes before or after to talk to her, we told her some of the lighter abuses — enough to get CPS called, but not enough to be taken away. We had disclosed emotional physical and sexual abuse. She told us that “everybody shows their ass around family.”

The second time was maybe a few months later, a referral to a real family therapist who also used CBT/DBT. Everybody’s walls were back up, and we all fawned like our lives depended on it. We were reprimanded nearly as much as our father, who would threaten violence and stand up every time he felt disrespected. She even told us off for using “mother dear” — it comes from a memoir about abuse, and our mother asked to be called that after reading it.

This time, too, whatever we disclosed was brushed off. She made sure to include everybody’s feelings in every decision, and that meant no reporting if there was a show of redress. Our family lied, we all fought and cued each other under the therapist’s nose, and eventually she decided we never needed family therapy to begin with.

We haven’t gone back to family therapy. Our collective opinion is that we live at university now, and that the family house hasn’t been home since we learned to sleep elsewhere.

We used to want a functional family more than anything. I don’t believe we’ll get that until everybody learns to unfawn. Deprogramming is hard, and probably not something we could safely do as a family. None of the rest of them will get there until they get over the therapy program, and we have tried every way we know how to undo it for them. We can’t.

Those therapists should not have been family therapists. The first one had opinions of children that invalidated all of their lived experiences, and the second couldn’t recognize dissociation even though she knew what it was. I can think of maybe three total skills our family got from both of them, and two of them just reinforce the don’t-talk/don’t-tell programs that make the family unit look normal.

This was in a city, with hundreds of therapists. Our family is still dysfunctional and under old coercion. The work is hard, but even a well-to-do family with near unlimited resources can’t find help. I don’t see us doing family therapy, but we can at least be a better resource than what we had.