#I also have this headcanon about Max's cat back home that Im always looking for an opportunity to talk about but alas

[ofc-vi-writes-too]

Alex Mullner x fem!farmer after marriage Headcanons because he is bae

• #1 malewife and damn proud of it. He takes so much pride in looking after the house and the cat/dog, and kid(s) if you have any. if you chose to give him the 5k for the 14 hearts thing, it made him so happy that you trusted him that much it brought tears to his eyes

• its funny that he married a farmer because he is a germaphobe and absolutely hates the idea of doing anything remotely dirty. He’s more likely to help watering the plants because in his words “animals carry diseases.” he makes you take your shoes off outside if you’ve been working all day, and typically you have been so there’s now a little shoe rack outside the front door of your home.

• he’s a big cuddler. He prefers to be the little spoon but NO ONE other than you is allowed to know this information. If ygs aren’t spooning, He likes when you lay on his chest. Something about the extra pressure helps him sleep. He’s also just very clingy period. When you’re grocery shopping at pierre’s, he is permanently glued to your back, broke boyfriend hug, hands down. It makes you giggle but it also makes it hard to walk.

• he blushes really easy, so when you come up behind him while he’s in the kitchen and kiss his cheek, his whole face turns a bright red.

•He doesn’t want you to feel wierd about Haley or anything they had in the past. He offered to cut contact with her completely but farmer was obvs like “um no bae thats ur friend i dont want u to isolate urself.” He doesn’t say anything else and simply kisses you all over your face because he was so scared that you wouldn’t trust him around her, but that’s still his best friend. Yours and Haley’s relationship is a teeny bit rocky though.

• When you first got married he was a god aweful cook. You came home multiple times to the house smelling like burnt something and all the windows open to try and air it out. Your husband was sat at your kitchen table, head in his hands, absolutely defeated because he almost burned your house down and died over an omelette. He learned to stop being stubborn and just call grandma evelyn for advice on what to do.

• Speaking of his grandparents, He knew you were the one when he was eating dinner with his grandparents when you had barely started dating and his grandpa, out of dead silence said “You know, that farmer girl and you… that’s good. You’re mother would be proud.” Alex gets a little teary just thinking about it

• a cheesy romantic through and through. Like im talking rose in his teeth and wiggling his eyebrows to impress you. It works unfortunately every single time. he def has notes hidden somewhere on hallmark movies

• his favorite movie is the Notebook

• picked up knitting at a young age because of his grandma, so sometimes you’ll come home so something knew for you to wear, or new placemats and other things like that.

• he genuinely cannot wait to be a father. All he talks about is how he can’t wait to have little ones running around the farm. He told you he wanted 8. You convinced him 2 AT MAX was way more than enough.

• keeps up with young and the restless and bold and the beautiful TIRELESSLY so when you guys are cuddling in bed before you go to sleep, he tells you all about what’s happening in his show now. “And babe, you won’t believe this. She faked her death for the money! And he knew the whole time!” he gets worried he’s boring you so sometimes he’ll ask you if you want him to shut up. The answer is always no, but he asks anyway.

• he would prefer to go to bed after you get home but most some nights you don’t get back till super late so he does begrudgingly. He always feels when you get in bed and will glue himself to your side almost immediately, a faint smile playing at his lips in his sleep.

• he is secretly a comic book nerd, and has sooooo much batman merch its crazy that you had no idea until after he moved in and brought boxes and boxes of comic books with him. Usually you guys dress up as a different super couple for halloween, his favorite was Beast Boy and Raven. It has been repeated several years.

————————————————————————

a/n: i think i want to start an sdv fic too bc i need alex in a biblical sense.

[daimonhalos]

More Badlands headcanons: the prequel

I return from the grave to lay upon ye my newfound knowledge: so I was just doodling a sad bbh, then he started looking more like child bbh and it turned into a comic of Bad meeting the other three for the first time and eventually I came up with a sort of backstory for bbh and some initial bonding for the badlands LET'S GET INTO IT

(this is all /rp)

So life in the nether certainly wasn't easy and bad's childhood was definitely fucked up.

One day he had walked away for five minutes from home and returns to it being burnt down and his parents on the ground, stabbed to death.

Baby Bad did n ot have the same attire. His current scarf, he took it from his mom when she died, whilst the sword comes from his dad. That's why he never upgraded from a diamond sword to a netherite one.

Before they died, he had 3 halos, two disappeared after they did and one remained broken until he got over them passing away.

As a kid he had more devilish wings, which became normal angel/feathered wings a little after his parents' death. It had been said that his family had a toll on their heads and only once someone else's vengeance was completed (killing said family), his features would've gone back to the way his species used to be. He wasn't sure much had changed.

(Also sidenote, for once he's on the other side: literally every bad thing reminds him of his childhood in the nether so at least for the first few centuries he's always absolutely nice to people)

Then he goes wild with chaos when hes more comfy and has friends ♥

Once grown up and confident, despite everything he'd heard about the overworld, he decides to find a portal and cross it.

Of course, when he crosses, he is immediately met with three complete strangers staring right back at him, entirely different from what people had told him: there's a biped cat, a diamond person and a creeper hybrid, still staring and blinking at him, quite surprised.

The three immediately notice how he's immediately on the defensive, guarding instead of attacking them immediately

So they understand he doesn't mean bad and they also understand it's his first time out of the nether because of the way he needs to adjust to the sunlight which is the same skeppy had the first time out of the underground (he only ever lived in caves so underground, max/min y levels where u find diamonds.

They take o n e look at bad and go "holy shit. We need to adopt this guy quick"

Bonus: "okay. GOTTA protect this dude at a l l costs. He might be 3 meters tall demon, but he looks sad so he needs to be PROTECTED RIGHT NOW-"

Sam ant and skeppy are in fact together already which means they already are found family tm so they already got each other and helped each other in the past.

Hold the fuck up this is beautiful because. Creepers can spawn or stay in mines WHERE DIAMONDS ARE

creepers can be on the ground as well where CATS ARE BUT THEY'RE AFRAID OF CATS THIS IS ACTUALLY SO GOOD pardon my enthusiasm i had an epiphany

Hence their small backstory: Sam finds skeppy first, then he loses skeppy as the latter freaking bolts around in the overworld for the first time.

Skeppy finds ant and brings him to Sam and Sam is like Oh GOD PLEASE NONONO "Can we keep him" "NO." "Im right here" "he TALKS?"And transforms to his humanoid vers

Actually they keep Ant for a week before he speaks for real because skeppy wants to prank sam

One night a skelly shoots an arrow at ant and Sam has been protective over the two ever since (they are brothers your honor)

Sam stopped sizzling everytime ant is nearby ♡

Skeppy does not feel hot nor cold

He's simply an unbothered king about temperatures ♡

Thats why he wears a crop top anything for fashion,,,/hj (granted to u guys by the great @azaethal)

"We're in a snow biome at least pretend you're cold"" f a s h u n "

"Hey Sam do u think ants like. Constantly naked" "Skeppy it's Four IN THE MORNING. GO. TO sleep" "He has fur in his cat form I know but like. He's basically naked right" "For fucks sake-"

Lol get skepped

It's a blessing when they adopt bad in their friend group cause skeppy finally has a new victim and Sam and ant have some rest. Bad falls for every single prank of skeppy.

The moment skeppy finds out he doesn't swear it's over for you bitches

Then the next problem is when they get into fights and become petty and don't talk to each other like literal kids

Ant and Sam stand there like how does this diamond block fuckin have the guts to yell at a 9 feet tall demon what the f u ck

Is anyone going to make fun of this demon?? Bet. (courtesy of @azaethal)

And that's how our boys know. They just know bad and skeppy are gonna be loooong time friends

ONE DAY THEY'RE LIKE

"YO GUESS WHAT WE JUST DID SOMETHING S I C K"

"WE JUST LINKED OUR SOULS TOGETHER"

"What the ACTUAL F-"

They say it was just for the meme

Deep down they know it's because they got an unbreakable bond

When he joins his soul with skeppy's, the second halo comes back to him. The third will when he finds sapnap and decides to make him his son and take him away from there.

Don't have anything else yet but will add up as soon as I do owo

[pikaflute]

hi, sudafed cleared my sinuses long enough to think so here’s a giant post about most of my charles headcanons

Playlist

OH btw here’s my 4 hour and 23 minute playlist for Charles. Enjoy. Yes I know I’m insane: https://open.spotify.com/user/pikaflute24/playlist/4DBxaaxbqsmJt9Fvl8AgwZ?si=OcXlYCdFRzOhuKa4p_HdUQ

General Headcanons

He was born November 24 1965. He’s currently 56, but I usually write him in his late 40s in most fanfic and content I make. So there’s this middle aged man....

He has hazel eyes. Sometimes they look green, sometimes brown. Sometimes they’ll be white but that’s when he’s using his magic so mind your business

Gear brand over his heart >:)c

:) i think he has piercings and tattoos, a skull (dead man teehee) on his upper arm, a tattoo of a date (the date pickles and him first met TEEHEE) on his left arm also has a tattoo on his arm of the day he “died” on his right. had his ears pierced when he was a teen.

Has a sweet tooth so hard. Smuggles in treats into the drawers of his desk just to snack on during the day and has a mini fridge just filled with ice cream and also sorts of other goodies. He loves brownies and cookies the most

Likes to work out and keep himself in shape. it takes his mind off of stressful things like work and the boys, and just take his morning practice sparring and doing various exercises in the mordhaus gym. 

he’s uh also very flexible so he does yoga a lot when he exercises. don’t. look too deep into that

cannot cook to save his life. he almost burned mordhaus down trying to make himself a sandwich

he can play guitar! he used to play it more often when he was younger but he rarely has the time to play it nowadays. when he does get to play it, it’s usually in private (and mainly songs by dethklok), or it’s to show off to a certain lead guitarist that yes he is playing that solo wrong

he’s ambidextrous but prefers using his right hand. he’ll use his left hand to spar in order to go easy on his opponents because hes a smug cunt

he’s 5′7 but intimidation factor adds a couple inches doesn’t it

has a scorpion named princess as a pet. he lets her sit on his desk sometimes and it scares the shit out of dethklok which makes charles laugh on the inside

hes also a cat person. one time toki brought a cat home and it settled on charles’ lap and he almost cried

loves to be a smug asshole and relishes in it. will not take shit from anyone, especially from some asshole who is trying to pull one over on him

he has no idea how social media works at all. will print memes out to show to dethklok, he’s very fond of cat memes specifically (i can has cheeseburger type beat)

he has no idea what any internet memes means he isn’t going to start learning. he is going to misuse internet phrases. are you boys, ah, finding the imposter? [cue five groans from dethklok]

knows a lot of languages. not a comprehensive list but: french, swedish, norwegian, spanish, italian, japanese, chinese, german, russian and korean

is very competitive. scarily competitive. once he starts losing in smash or mario kart all hell will break lose

very bad at showing emotions or affection, when he gets compliments he gets all red and quiet and mumbles a thank you. 

weird about being touched as well and will usually avoid it unless it’s with someone he trusts

speaking of, his love language is acts of service :)c

hates being called charlie or chuck, unless the right person calls him it ;)

he’s autistic. was nonverbal for most of his life and only talked to certain people, or anyone at all. he stims with his hands and uses his pens to fidget.

has a collection of novelty socks. he likes the ones that have polka dots or stripes

sleeps with a garfield plushie he had since he was younger. it helps him with the nightmares

when any of the boys need help sleeping (usually toki or pickles), he’ll sleep with them in his bed. after dying he had trouble sleeping some nights, so dethklok returned the favor and all piled up in his bed and helped him sleep. he didnt have nightmares after that night

hes nearsighted, and prefers to wear glasses over contacts

lactose intolerant, hes still eating mac n cheese and paying the price

metalhead but pretends to not be just to mess with his boys

crippling addiction to match 3 games. also loves to play minecraft.

overly self sacrificial. puts ones he love needs before his own, results in himself being very isolated and distant from those he cares about because he’s afraid of hurting them

his favorite colors are black and purple

coffee kinda guy. black coffee or bust

has a lot of cute novelty mugs to put his coffee in. he ones from places where dethklok tours, dethklok official ones (the only two that aren’t adorned with spikes), some cat themed ones, a couple that have ties and math references, and one from his boys that says “most brutal manager”. he drinks out of that last one the most

he has a couple of grey hairs and wrinkles, but he keeps them because they remind him that he’s human. also pickles said old men were hot but you didnt hear that from me

likes to play chess but he can never find a good opponent. all the klokateers are too scared if they win and dethklok is too distracted to ever play with him or they end up losing to quickly if charles plays against them

really wants kids. he babies his sister’s sons and daughters a TON (uncle charles always brings the best gifts :) ) and also treats toki like his own son in a way. toki doesnt mind, he really appreciates the love

speaking of, toki does call charles dad once and it makes charles cry for like. a week and a half

his favorite dethklok song is the gears :)

he likes to collect knives as a side hobby, his favorite of his collection is a sleek black one with skulls on the handle

he has a motorcycle and likes to drive it around sometimes to just be alone with himself. it’s all black with a red gear on it

lightweight but only if he drinks the amount dethklok drinks. can hold his alcohol fairly well if he drinks like a sensible human, prefers brandy and wine

he can smoke cigars to be sexy for me and me ONLY

likes to read in his spare time. he likes mystery novels and science fiction

he has soft spot for cheesy sitcoms, they’re his guilty pleasure

his favorite youtuber is lockpickinglawyer. yours should be too

usually sleeps in only his boxers but will wear a shirt if its’s cold. he tends to sleep on his side (also wants to be the little spoon when cuddled but he will never admit that)

takes vacations sometimes away from the boys despite his worry that something will go wrong (it will!). many of his vacations are usually going to visit his family and going to the shore with them, or travelling to somewhere new for a change (cue charles being a yakuza substory on his one vacation per year)

he can sew pretty well. learned from his mom and used to sew the whole his sister use to put through her soccer uniform.

can also do makeup, and usually does it for one of the boys of there’s no one else around to help

bites his lip when he’s nervous. which is a lot

likes chococat and gudetama. he’s a man of tastes

laughs really loud if you catch him off guard. he snorts sometimes too. he’s embarrassed by it, but i think its’ cute

loves law and order obviously 

he likes men

has a lot of pent up rage. very good at compressing it. sometimes

as high priest, he stays up very late trying to decipher the ancient prophecies that dethklok needed to fulfill. he doesnt sleep very much when he starts out because he misses home, so the band makes him come back (or else)

also as high priest he becomes more intune with magic granted to him after he died and he mainly uses his magic to protect his boys when they go back to being a band. also to fuck with them

the band he managed before dethklok was a band named savior who said they were a metal band with a unique sound, but that unique sound was actually just being a christian metal band that were bad at playing music. they also treated charles like shit and blamed him for them doing so poorly with sales and shows. had an unfortunate “accident” with a tour bus after charles had enough of their attitude towards him.  he denies he had anything to do with it (he did.)

Family/Childhood

He’s the baby of the family. Spoiled rotten to the max. He doesn’t admit it though but whenever he comes home you know he abuses the “:)c im the favorite” card

He has 4 older sisters: Caroline who is a high school civics teacher, Cynthia who is a librarian, Callie who is a coach for a soccer team, and Charlotte who is a lawyer/manager who manages Ladyklok, which gets awkward (and funny) when Abigail starts dating the lead singer Natalie

charles is actually one of the tallest in his family. his dad is 6’1 and his older sister Callie is 5’11. cynthia is 5’6, caroline is 5’6, and his mom and charlotte are 5’5.

his mom is a doctor and his dad is an accountant. his mom’s name is giovanna and his dad’s name is elijah

caroline is the oldest sister, followed by cynthia, callie, charlotte then charles.

Charlotte and Charles are sworn enemies since they were born on the same day a year apart and basically have the same job. They do love each other though

His father calls him Charles. Caroline and Cynthia call him Charlie. Callie calls him Chuck. Charlotte calls him Charles (derogatory). His mom calls him a whole slew of nicknames that she made up when he was young (she calls him cheese ball and he turns red)

caroline has a wife (lauren who is a chef) and two kids (evan and shelby)

cynthia is dating a coworker (viola)

callie has a husband (john who is a stay at home dad) and they have three kids (brenda, melissa, and jeff)

charlotte is dating ladyklok (and abigail). this is a weird flex on charles i think.

He had a race car bed when he was like 5

He also was also one of those kids at family game night. He almost killed Cynthia over a game of monopoly

Always got to lick the spoon first after his mom baked brownies

He grew up in North Jersey (derogatory) (also yes im projecting state shot)

He’s also Italian (derogatory)

He got bullied in middle school for a little bit but once his older sisters found out, oh boy did all hell break loose

Was in band in high school. He played flute (DONT TALK TO ME I LIKE PROJECTING), he was of course a soloist and incredibly smug about it

Took gymnastics as a kid. Can do a backflip on command. Also very flexible.

First manager gig was helping his sisters sell girl scout cookies. They raked in a lot of profits when baby bro was behind the scenes. His cut was eating thin mints for free

Loved Star Trek when he was a kid

Was incredibly gifted, and taught himself to read at a young age. didn’t talk that much though

was always sick when he was little. he would always get sinus infections and colds if someone even sneezed weird

was in mock trial in high school. one guy on his team was a jerk to him so charles made it a point to be this poor kid’s nemesis

was on the student council, treasurer of course.

was also in nhs, and he was treasurer there too

was that kid who insisted on doing the group project by himself because he didn’t want to wait on anyone to finish their part

was super rowdy as a kid, always got into trouble but his mom was a little lenient of punishment (hes a mommas boy)

when he was like super young he bit people cause he was just a little monster (charles' sisters: mom charles is biting again. charles, biting one of them: im not :/ sheesh)

wanted to be a lawyer since he was 7

put his own siblings and parents on trial and would win every trial and would always get the last cookie or a higher allowance

he shared his room with his sister Charlotte and they would set up a pillow fort on one of the beds and stay up late reading together 

loved going to the beach as a kid, his mom still has his collection of shells from the beach

on the boardwalk, he would dominate at claw machines anad carnival games. he won a bunch of plushies from himself (and his sisters obviously)

his dad and him have a super close bond. they watched star trek together and also like to watch how the stock market would do. his dad was also sometimes the judge in charles’ mock trials at home

they were very supportive when he came out as gay, he was also the first of his sibilings to come out of the closet

College

Got his masters in business management at rutgers and a JD (law degree) from seton hall law.

Started college when he was 18 (1983) and ended college when he was 26 (1991)

Wasn’t a party guy. Never got invited to many, but he never went unless a certain redhead was in town

Sustained himself off of ramen, coffee, and SSRIs to get his masters (hey man i feel ya)

Did weed like three times. Three of those times were because of, you guessed it, a certain redhead

Speaking of, his first time having sex was in his dorm with Pickles. Pickles also kicked him off of the bed (those beds are fucking tiny) while they slept, and almost burned Charles’ dorm down trying to make toast the next morning

Absolute did not do essays until the night before. Bad habit that made it’s way into Dethklok managing when he’s forced to write a legal brief before 12 am.

Loved calculus 2 for some reason. Nerd

Had a mullet. Pickles thought it was hot (still is) while Charles would rather die than remember anything about that horrid hairdo

Also went through his goth/emo phase while in Law School. He stuck out amongst the sea of sweater vests and polo shirts

Was in a band with his fellow college bandmates. The band was called Habeas Corpses and he was the lead singer who also played guitar. Their sound was kind of similar to TWRP’s first two EPs (The Device and 2nite). they had a grunge aesthetic, and yes charles dyed his mullet black (with a purple streak), for the band.

his bandmates were all fellow law students. dillan was on drums, margaret was their bass guitar, and nick was their keyboardist. all three of them also got tutored by charles while in law school. they are still best friends and write to each other sometimes

Was on the debate team, but uh kicked off due to be very competitive (he threatened to punch the opposing debater)

Was also in the chess club, also kicked off for being too competitive (lunged at a kid for cheating)

After being kicked from the two previous clubs, he joined fencing, his very competitive nature made him the best in the state

nick (the guy in charles’ band) was charles’ roommate the whole time they were in college. they may or may not have had a brief relationship before they realized they would be better as friends

nick also has a nes and charles loved to played zelda and wrote an entire guide for himself because he’s was that into the game (nerd)

occasionally would be found sleeping in the library on campus

wanted to be an RA but the resident association at his schools thought he was a little much. charles took this as a compliment

worked out a lot between studying and classes. a lot of jocks underestimated him because of his size but charles was just :) [casually lifts something heavy]

a lot of fellow classmates thought he was super cool cause of the leather he wore, and how cool and quiet he was, too bad they didnt know he was a huge nerd

tried skateboarding. once.

had a cadillac that barely started and drove like a piece of shit but that was charles’ baby

pickles tried to have sex with charles in said car btw, charles almost killed him for even daring to suggest to tarnish his beautiful baby

has damaged his back permanently because of all the books he used to carry around in his crappy back pack

did some modelling for one of his friends in college. he was very attractive and got some other modelling job through it. he tries to hide that from the boys in the future because he thinks it’s embarrassing

Relationship with Dethklok

Pickles - he’s known the drummer the longest out of any other member, and if you couldn’t tell by now, he had a brief relationship with the drummer back in the 80s (and maybe also still has a crush on him :)). charles respects and admires pickles’ talent as a musician and sometimes they play together when they have time alone. he tries to be there when pickles has a relapse in either emotions with his family or something else, but still tries to maintain a distance because he thinks that pickles doesn’t feel the same as he did in the 80s. (he does btw). nothing could break the bond these two share. not even death

Nathan - understands nathan’s quiet nature (nonverbal kings!) and strive for perfection in everything dethklok creates because he is the same way. their similarities allow them to connect on a level that allows nathan to open up about his feelings that he likes to lock away. nathan also gets charles to open his feelings up and actually care for himself for once in his damn life. charles also helps nathan with the depression he develops after charles dies and how to deal with it despite it being not brutal. nathan wants to give back and he does by becoming one of charles’ closest friends (and maybe even lovers hehehe)

Toki - charles has taken it upon himself to be toki’s father figure after seeing the way toki’s family has left him for essentially dead. ever since toki joined the band, charles has made it a point to be there for him whenever he needed it. even if it meant spending late nights reading to toki or sleeping over in toki’s room to help him sleep, he’ll do it. he blames himself for toki’s disappearance but toki assures him that he did the best he could. toki calls him dad a lot after doomstar. it makes charles cry.

Skwisgaar - unstoppable asshole meets immovable object. skwisgaar sees himself above everyone else like he does with the other dethklok members but with charles, skwisgaar knows that charles isn’t intimidated by him nor will he bow to the guitar god in anyway. this develops a game of cat and mouse between the two, with skwisgaar trying to no subtly push charles’ buttons and to see what makes him ticks, while charles resist him at every turn with a smug ‘:) is that all you got’ and it delights him to finally see the guitarist squirm under pressure.

Murderface - at first the two are very. distant to say the least. murderface used to see charles as unemotional robot and charles was fine with that and accepted the distance. overtime however, and especially after charles died, murderface warmed up to charles confiding in him things he hasn’t told the band, mainly things about his insecurities because charles is ‘fucking smart with crap like this’. and charles helps him and is happy to see him work out his problems and not bottle them anymore like the rest of his bandmates. charles also enjoys murderface’s company as a friend as well. and….he’s gonna help murderface the most with the whole traitor stuff too.

Abigail - mlm and wlw hostility. but seriously they’re good buds. he sympathizes with having to deal the moronic actions of dethklok on a daily basis and also thinks she’s really intelligent and overall fun to hang out with. they take lunch breaks frequently together and like to make fun of people at dethklok dinners together as a fun activity together. abigail will bully his ass once she finds out she’s dating charles’ sister and WILL bring up those baby pictures to get a higher raise thank you very much

Knubbler - can you say coworker besties! like abigail, he gets along because they both have to deal with dethklok being, well dethklok, but with knubbler, charles can relax a little more. the two cause problems on purpose just because they can. the two are also close friends and knubbler tries to get charles to relax for once in his life, and despite charles protests and objections, he sometimes caves and hands out with his friend (maybe boyfriend OOOOO who knows)

Sex Headcanons (IM SORRY)

um maybe he can have a giant dick (10 inches for me), it do be swinging though

daddy kink (everyone stay on this side, ill take care of him….come to daddy ;)c)

likes to do roleplay. he has a lot of costumes prepared for when his partner wants to do a scene with him

likes to bite and be bitten during sex. after a very long night, he’ll be covered in bite marks, it’s kinda hot

no gag reflex ;) he likes to deepthroat but good luck trying to get him to go down on you without him teasing

remember how i said he was flexible like eight times? yeah he uh, uses that a lot to his advantage. likes being fucked in weird positions because of it

the suit stays on during sex

he likes topping because he likes to be in control of everything he does all the time, but really wants to be told what to do sometimes and will let those he trusts do that for him

he has a dick piercing i know it

he's a very busy man, so he relies on his huge collection of toys he keeps in his bedroom and office

really good with his hands. as soon as those hands are on you, its game over

he loves to do it on his desk, makes him feel powerful. when he gets blown under his desk, it really takes all of his willpower to not cum immediately

really sensitive in weird places, specifically his ears

he likes to cuddle after sex, hes the little spoon :)

likes to be tied up, sometimes he’ll get tied up under his suit

mating press and riding are his favorite positions, giving and receiving

size queen, likes large toys and well ;)

has a private room that he sometimes goes to relieve stress, it has a fucking machine that he likes to use often when his job gets too stressful

he’s sucking people off at the klokateer glory hole, he’s uh, very good at what he does

likes to be spanked and like to spank

uses collars and leashes

maybe the klokateers can fuck him, if they’re good ;)

freeballing

likes cum on his face but doesn't seem to realize that means he’ll get cum on his glasses and will need to clean them

he can wear a chastity belt :) for me

likes being came in but will still complain about being gross after

pretty much up for anything, he’s not picky, he just wants to be in control and get off

[maxbronte]

   “ You can keep these, if you want. Not to brag, but I kind of have, like,         the biggest beach glass collection in history of the universe, so I         don’t really need all of these greens or browns. But like, they’re still         𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓲𝓯𝓾𝓵. Is there anyone you’d want to give this         heart-shaped one to? ”

[geniedocroe]

Hey can I get a ship please? Im 5'10, blonde, with dark brown eyes. I'm a weird mix of scrawny and muscular but I really like being active and playing sports. I'm that one chill quiet friend off to the side that keeps everyone else in the group from killing each other. I really like anything history or art of any form. I have really bad rbf but I'm actually a nice person if you get to know me. Also I might go insane without frequent peace and quiet. Thank you sm!

as an s/o:

idk why but i read this and i immediately thought joe toye

everybody thinks joe is this big tough scary guy but he is in fact a teddy bear

(he is big tough & scary but we’ll get to that)

joe worships you lbr

he thinks you’re the greatest thing to walk the earth and he treats you like it

sometimes you gotta be like yo chill

he is always throwing longing looks your way

heart eyes to the max

he won’t hesitate to compliment you

the pda is strong with this one

its kind of embarrassing but it’s joe so you don’t really care

that’s love bro

after joe loses his leg he tries his hardest to be out there and playing with the kids (if y’all have kids or nieces & nephews or just like to babysit random children)

you’re like nah babe sit yourself down and you’re out there playing sports with them, going to their games, yelling at them on the sidelines and joe will take your kids to dance lessons & go shopping with them

it’s easy on him and you’re down to play & rough house with the rambunctious ones and joe is down to wear tutus 🤷‍♀️🥺

sometimes when you’re craving that peace & quiet joe will steal away the kids and take them to the park

or he’ll dump them at babe’s (offical easy co babysitter, i don’t make the rules) house so he can come home and chill with you

the two of you will cuddle & fall asleep

babe will constantly be calling you like “wtf these kids almost burnt my house down. gene will murder me”

so then joe goes to pick up the children & you continue to sleep

joe can get quite agressive (not passive aggressive, just agressive)

you could be hanging out with a bunch of your friends & a bunch of joe’s friends and hey joe is about to beat one of them with a crutch

(i’ve tried it. i got yelled at but i had power)

soon you’re by his side calming him down and apologizing to whoever he tried to fight

suprisingly when you first met joe he was very very nervous and you had that beautiful rbf

he was thrown off when you started being bubbly & kind and the rbf disappeared

but he was still very nervous

he was stumbling over his words & his hands were shaky

you thought it was so cute

it was like love at first sight tbh

the two of you rarely fight

once again, joe worships the ground you walk on

if the two of you argue then joe either takes a while to calm down or is apologizing the moment he sees you distressed

the arguments are rare

joe is tough

we know that

the two of you could be walking down the street & if someone cat calls you joe will try & beat him with a crutch

(that’s my favorite headcanon sorry)

joe knows you can handle it yourself but he likes being able to protect you

it’s a boost to his ego & it makes him feel like he can still do something with one leg

we love joe

as a bestfriend:

good ol guarno

i love this man

when i think joe toye i think bill guarnere

when you first met bill you absolutely did not like him

we know bill can get a little judgy or whatever

and he was immediately talking shit

he thought you weren’t good enough for dear joe & that you seemed rude

you looked at joe with a dumbfounded expression when bill just flat out said that to you

joe elbowed bill roughly & bill almost hit joe with a crutch

(i will never get over that i’m so sorry)

you gave bill a frown and he felt so bad

it was like insulting a puppy

he apologized & told you that joe is constantly talking about you & he didn’t actually think you were a bad person

it took a while for you to warm up to him & he was always trying to apologize

he would send you flowets & joe would roll his eyes & accept them

at one point your dining room table couldn’t be seen from all the flowers

you took it upon yourself to visit bill & tell him everything was cool & you thought he was a very brave amazing super dope person

you praised him for saving joe & told him he was a hero

he cried

bill is also very protective of you

someone tries to start something then he’s there defending you & telling them to back off

nobody, i repeat, NOBODY messes with bill guarnere’s bestfriend

he treats you like a baby sister

you often go to him for advice

bill likes to help you pick out outfits for dates and he was supposed to be joe’s best man when y’all got married

you joked & told him he should be your maid of honor

he was completely serious & said he would love to be your maid of honor if that’s what you really wanted

bill was your maid of honor & don malarkey was joe’s best man

all of your kids call him uncle bill & he is godfather to your first born

your children absolutely worship bill

his children worship you

it’s mutual

bill goes to the kids games with you

people seem very confused when a man with one leg is yelling at children on the field that aren’t even his kids

then they see you beside him & are like oh

sometimes bill attends the dance classes with joe & you can bet he goes to every single recital

let’s just say the tea parties are chaos

i wanna be his bestfriend