#I also have him and your other Cookie Run f/os as well!

[factual-fantasy]

I has 21 asks! :DDD🌟🌟

@minophlia

@ocinstituterep

I'm not sure if they would line their coats with the Captains fur,, <XD I'm not sure my Barnacles would even shed! My Barnacles has his fur cut really short to accommodate for the warm climate. Which is why he has to wear a coat like the rest of the crew when he goes to the Arctic!

@elegysonnet

Awe, thank you! And I'd sayyy.. its probably cookies and cream. If that counts?? XD If thats not what you meant than milk chocolate-

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson

XDD I love all the theories! Your enthusiasm means the world! And don't worry, you wont be in the dark for long.. 👀👀

@artist-of-obsessions

aaa thank you so much!! That means the world!! :DD

That's a really interesting detail actually, I'll have to take note!

@toaster-os

I have not actually, it looks really cute though! :DD

@boxofcreampuffs

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 😭😭

Thank you so much!! :DD

Yes, please do take it down. That would be greatly appreciated 🙏

@thatwolfnamednyla

XD I forgot about that game, too funny!

@tmelvinborg31

I'm excited but also preparing to be greatly disappointed...

I kind'a saw it comin. I think everyone did-

I'm not disappointed, I think its a cool and mysterious plot line to have :00 Also I didn't notice the Monty carpet! Very interesting,,

Also this doesn't change my Monty at all obviously. <XD I made him a good guy out of pure spite and I'm KEEPING him that way!

Unfortunately Vanessa is not part of the Fazfam <XD

As for her importance, I cant specify too much.. but I will say that she does indeed play a big part in the over all story of my au. 👀👀

@spookylightblizzard

Yeah I did, it made me kind'a sad :( But honestly good for him. The man deserves a good retirement for voicing a lot of our childhoods ✨🌟✨

@excalibent

Thank you <:) I'm doing my best!

@graycoin

I was thinking it'd be less visual differences and more internal. Although I haven't fully decided what the differences will be-

Some ideas I had was maybe Peach and the others are Herbivores? What if they can only eat fruits and veggies and Mario sees a slab of cooked meat and he's just like "OO STEAK" and chomps into it and everyone just looks at him like

ALSO! Maybe Peach has to sleep a lot more than Mario does. OR maybe a lot less? Imagine if peach only needed 4 hours of sleep and then she was wide awake. Or maybe the opposite? Imagine if 12 hours is a standard amount of sleep they need. Mario is running around at 7 AM on 8 hours of sleep and Peach is like "whyyyy are you uppp so earlyyy go back to sleeeppp"

Or SHES up at 4 AM like "Mario are you up? Hey Mario are you awake? Do you want breakfast? I made you breakfast. Its cake I hope that's okay-"

I also imagined temperatures! I mostly imagined that Peach cannot handle the heat what so ever. Mario's out there in 35°C (95°F) heat and Peach is tucked away in her dungeon like a vampire. Or the OPPOSITE?? Its 40°C (104°F) and she's out there gardening and Mario is cooped up inside just miserable <XD

ANyways, I think you get the point. Differences like is what I had in mind. 😅😅

Cassie's not in it because I just kind'a dont like her entire existence XDD But maybe she could be a friend of Gregory's down the road when he grows up yeah.

Also I love/hate the DLC. I think its really pretty, I LOVE how it leaned more towards a horror theme this time..

Buuuuuut all the complicated lore stuff put me off. Cassie, the Mimic, the big purple glitchy bunny thing. Uhhhgg.. I love this franchise but I wanna punch it really hard sometimes. <XD

@skywillow28022

All of the bots got a system reboot after Gregory's first night there, as a safety precaution. Moony included. As to how the reboot effected him specifically and if he's still infected? Well I guess we'll just have to wait and see.. 👀

[mariposalass]

@husband-of-lucoa Your little minty boy is getting a CANDY AND TRIAL of his own!

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

Midoriya Comfort HCs

Pairing: Midoriya (Deku) x reader

Warnings: Mentions/the concept/symptoms of depression, otherwise none

Request: Hi, sugar! i just wanted to tell you how much i adore your fics. everything about them is truly outstanding, from your choice of words to the ideas you come up with. might i add, your ability to write the characters so well and immerse someone in the story are amazing and i hope that you’re very proud of what you’ve brought to the fandom! you’re one of my favourite writers on here! would it be possible for you to write comfort hcs for izuku w/ a reader who’s a victim of depression, or even if you aren’t comfortable with that, just for bad days? i’ve been feeling a lot worse than usual and it’s all crumbled for me, so i’m just seeking comfort from my best boy. - anon neo 

A/N: I’m sobbing??? I’m one of your favorites??! This is literally some of the nicest stuff anyone has ever said to me?? Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! I’m so glad people actually like this stuff I make! 

And I’m always chill with doing anxious or depressed reader, since it’s something I (sadly) relate to myself and therefore feel pretty comfortable portraying it the best I can. I tried to get these out and done as fast as I could, but I hope you’re feeling better! 

I promise you, you can get through this. I believe in you. If you ever need to chat, I'm always open (this goes for everyone). I really enjoyed writing these and loved your request. No worries, I got you!

Anyway, I hope you and everyone else likes them (as always)! Thanks again so much for your kind words, they really keep me going <3

Love you!

-Sugar

═══*.·:·.✧    ✦    ✧.·:·.*═══

Ever since you started dating, Izuku pays a lot of attention to you and how you’re feeling, whether he’s subtle about it or not

So when you start spiraling into a bad place, he’ll notice pretty quickly

He’ll immediately ask you what’s wrong, remembering and still regretting the choices he’d made when he knew something was up with Iida

He’s a little sad when you explain you have depression, but he won’t be swayed. Far from it. This boy is determined to be the best boyfriend he can be for you, no matter what!

He’ll do some research before making too many moves. The idea of the big sad isn’t completely foreign to him, but he wants to make sure he’s doing everything right

Izuku would go over all the little notes he’d taken on you, making a habit of jotting down anything you like

Once he’s made a bit of a plan for himself and gathered everything up, you can expect a Deku-bomb of everything you like and it’s all just for you!

You like food? He’ll buy you your favorites and treat you with them when he storms your room. Into more outdoorsy or sporty activities? He’ll gently ask you if you’re up for getting outside and doing them. He’ll even invite your friends! You like books? He’ll pick up that novel you’ve been eyeing since it came out. The list goes on. He’d do anything to bring a smile to your face

So anyway, as I said, he’d storm your room with everything he could find that he thought might help, ready to dedicate the entire afternoon and evening to you

He’d ask if there was anything you needed to talk about. He’s really good at listening if you decide there is something you need to rant about. He’s not too bad with advice either!

If you decide not to talk about it, or maybe there’s nothing to talk about and you just feel a little blah, he’ll take out whatever lil’ something he got you

At this point, he’d do whatever you want to do, whether it’s playing a video game or going out for a walk or watching your favorite movie

And whenever you want, Izuku is always down to cuddle (hehehe my favorite part!)

He’ll scour both his and your rooms to find every blanket he can, coming back to wrap you up into a little fuzzy burrito

He’ll pull you into bed and spoon you, but not before pressing kisses over every available surface of your face and the top of your head

He’ll hug you into him from behind, draping a leg over you and resting his head above yours. This is also a good time to do any kind of ranting or talking, and if you ever feel the need to cry, you’re more than able to!

If you cry tho, Izuku might cry too. He’s very in touch with his emotions and seeing you cry will never fail to make him tear up too. That’s just the kind of person he is

He’ll remind you of how much he loves you and murmurs words of support and encouragement in your ear. There is hope for the future, and things won’t always be like this. He’s not afraid to start listing everything he loves about you, and trust me when I say this, he could go on and on. He has notes. He thinks about this every day

Whenever you get too hot in your burrito blanket, you can always climb out. But now this means that all your kissable surfaces are exposed!

If all his efforts to make you smile before had failed, this is the last straw. 

He’ll start a tickle war, pulling you back in to kiss you anywhere he can reach; your cheeks, your neck, your belly. There’s nothing suggestive behind it, he just wants you to know how loved you are by him

Once you’re done, he’ll let you nuzzle back into him for some much needed sleep. He’s spending the night with you, and there really isn’t much you can do about that

Even after your evening together is over, he won’t stop checking in on you to make sure you’re okay. He’ll do cuddle sessions, movie nights, walks in the park, anything, any time, as long as he knows he’s making a difference in making you feel better, even if it’s just a little

He’ll check in to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. You best be sure you’re eating your meals and drinking plenty of water. He’ll even bring you some if you’re not up for leaving your room

Guilty of never getting enough sleep? He’ll poke his head in to see if you’re still awake, and if you are, he’ll gladly tug you into bed and hold you until you’ve slipped off to the feeling of his hands running through your hair

Get too much sleep? He’ll make sure to invite you to things he’s doing to get you out of the house, or even take you on dates with just the two of you to keep you active and occupied

I know that I’m guilty of not showering when I hit a slump, so he’ll make sure to remind you to do that (if ya need it. no shame). He’d even make sure you were changing out and washing your clothes and sheets, happy to help you if you’re not up for it

If you need help picking up your room or washing dishes and the like, he’s prepped to help you there too. Better make sure you’re changing your clothes too, now. AT LEAST HAVE DAY PAJAMAS AND NIGHT PAJAMAS I--

My depression tends to come in waves (or as I like to call them; Sad Bitch Hours™), so if that’s the case for you, he’ll help you until you feel better and a little more like yourself again 

Izuku will never leave your side no matter what because that’s just how much he loves you. He has faith in you that you are strong enough to fight the issues and the hurt and the pain plaguing you, and by all means he will support you until the worst is over

A/N: Every time I write one of these, I feel like I’m doing one of those “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie--” books, except this one is more like “If (Y/N) Has Depression--”

Again, I truly hope that this can be some help for people who are struggling. I know that I am little more than an internet hermit, literally writing this in the darkness of my bedroom at 2 AM, but if I can bring even a touch of happiness, then my purpose will be fulfilled. I believe wholeheartedly that you can get through whatever may be going on in your life. In these past few years, I've been through a lot myself, but with a determined mindset and some professional help, I can say that I am doing so much better than I was.

Remember that you can't compare your progress to others. Healing takes time and patience and love, and simply remembering to be kind to yourself is the first step to steady recovery. I want you to know that I believe in you and that you matter. You matter so so so much. Every day, you change the world. There are people who love you (if you can't think of anyone, I'm here! Izuku loves you too, along with any other F/Os you may hold). I don't want to get too into this, but just remember that my inbox and DMs are always open. I'm not going to claim to be some sort of licensed therapist or mental health prodigy, but I'm a good listener and sometimes might offer decent advice. If you ever need a friend, I will be here to talk or rant to, and it would make me happy to see if someone reached out. You're not a burden, and your feelings are real and deserve to be confronted. No matter where you are in your journey, you're valid.

Sorry if this was a bit long, but I just wanted to say that you're important and people do care about you.

I wish you well and beautiful mornings,

-Sugar

Taglist: @basicaegyo​ @iiminibattlehero​ @pyrofanatic​​ @sokkasangel​ @xoxopam4​​

[sennamybeloved]

Bestie I wanna hear about your cookie run f/os :'0!!!

-[void-selfships]

hello my WONDERFUL mutual i love you /p

i’m just gonna spout off my feelings about my more prominent cr f/os—srry if this gets kinda wordy and sorry for the inevitable, excessive amounts of images there will be

i figure that there is no one better to start off with than sour belt cookie. she is my main f/o from cookie run, her release got me back into ovenbreak, and she’s just. such a fun character. her design is super aesthetically pleasing and her personality is very silly. i love her an unbelievable amount. hep me

my s/i for her is,,, strange. she’s both an intern and a model who started as a very loyal customer that caught sour belt’s eye. his name is sweet ribbon cookie, but he rlly isn’t all that sweet lol. REGARDLESS! sour belt is kinda whipped for him & kinda sorta employed him as an excuse to get close to him.

our dynamic is so self indulgent but i don’t care we are so in love

NEXT IN LINE WE GOT UHMM *spins imaginary wheel* KUMIHO COOKIE

AUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGG this stupid little cookie has me so fucked up u do not understand. i LOVE foxes. they are my special interest. ESPECIALLY FOX FOLKLORE!!! so u can already guess how i feel about fox girls (source: my f/o list)

kumiho cookie is so pretty and cool she makes me want to explode. first of all, i LOVE how the actual folklore was portrayed through her character & design (“magical marshmallow fox that wants to be a real cookie” is a super cute take ok it, only has fox tails and no fox ears which is cool bc it’s said that a fox can accidentally let their tails slip out when they’re in a human disguise, tails represented by her hair which is just a cool design choice……. and so much more) also she is so so so transfemme coded. i love her so bad

heavy breathing. we’re doing timekeeper now boys

I LOVE INSANE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE INSANE WOMEN THAT I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT SAFE AROUND AND HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT THEY LOVE ME SOOOO MUCH ITS FINE. I LOVE INSANE WOMEN I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

takes a deep breath. timekeeper is a very cool and unique character who i’m convinced was made for me because 1) she’s insane 2) she’s a woman 3) she’s adorable in a creepy way which i love 4) she has a very steampunk-esque aesthetic which is my comfort aesthetic and favorite aesthetic of all time holy shit dude

im so in love with her that i tear up when i think about her sometimes she’s so cool and pretty and awesome i literally can’t be normal about her even if i wanted to

anyways i’m on a roll guys. time for my first cookie run f/o ever from august 2018 TIGER LILY yas

i love tiger lily a whole lot but i can’t really explain why. she’s very cute and fun and i love her voice and the way her eyes in kingdom. and i LOVE animal-themed characters + i’m tiger kin so it tracks. and i also love jungle themed characters!! there’s a lot about tiger lily that i just think is so fun. i just kinda wish her flower was an actual tiger lily (i know she’s technically not like made with a tiger lily ingredient because she’s princess cookie’s sister and isn’t even supposed to be “tiger lily” cookie but it makes more sense for her design ok) but other than that her design is pretty and concise (albeit very simple) and i think she’s beautiful. so beautiful. i’m gonna explode

GO ANIMAL THEMED CHARACTERS GO!!!!!! that’s scorpion cookie and she’s (you guessed it) an insane dangerous woman (not exactly insane but dangerous, and i imagine her to be a bit reckless and stuff idk she fits my type well)

she’s so fun and pretty and i don’t talk about her enough. she’s one of the cookies who i want to hear the voice of the MOST i feel like it’d be very high pitched and very raspy and i also feel like it’d turn me into a useless gay mess! as she tends to do. IDK i just really want more content of her so so bad, she’s so interesting but her potential is never tapped into (which is the case with a lot of cookies)

idk. i’m just veryflustered. i love her lots i love ALL of my girlfriends lots i’m gay ,help

[the-13th-rose]

Kiss From a Rose - Chapter 3 ~ A Warm Welcome

Rose awakens to her first full day in the Dream World and meets the guests. Some don’t get along as well as she’d hoped, and Kurogiri may be hiding something from her...

This fic contains sexual references (no explicit depiction), strong language, and alcohol use. It also features strong themes of unreality and scattered moments of horror throughout.

Characters in this chapter: Rose (s/i), Rattlesnake Jake (Rango), Lord Shen (Kung Fu Panda 2), Asmodeus (Helluva Boss), Kurogiri (My Hero Academia), Mint Choco Cookie (Cookie Run), Yorktown (Azur Lane), Asajj Ventress and General Grievous (Star Wars: The Clone Wars), Green Mage (Everhood), Millennial Tree Cookie (Cookie Run), The Beast (Over the Garden Wall), Striker (Helluva Boss)

(for the sake of not tagging literally all of my f/os I only list the ones who have spoken lines or make a significant appearance in the chapter)

Word count: 7,404 (approximate, I spaced some letters out for style and those might’ve been counted as extra words)

Reblogs support my work better than likes!

6 days until Christmas.

6 days until...whatever Future was trying to warn me about arrives.

Can I do anything about it? If I do something differently, or act differently, will anything change?

Scrooge had it easy. All he had to do was be nicer to people. What am I supposed to do to change my future?

Birds are chirping outside. I sit up in bed and look out of my window. There’s a brilliantly red cardinal perched on a birch branch. It flutters its wings and eyes me with quizzical black eyes.

“I THOUGHT I TOLD YA TO GET LOST!”

That’s Jake’s voice, and man, does he sound cross. 

“This is as much of my home as it is yours! You have no right to keep me out!” The opposing voice sounds just as outraged. I think I recognize it. Admittedly, I was kind of hoping he wouldn’t be here. He’s one of the only ones I’m not exactly happy with myself for loving.

“I’LL DO AS I LIKE, and unless you want a taste of my lead, or my venom, you’ll SHUT yer damn beak and SCRAM!”

The sound of a peafowl crowing is accompanied by sounds of a struggle, and exclamations from both. I jump out of bed and rush out of my room to get to the living room, not sparing a moment to think about my appearance. 

A ghostly white peacock is wrestling with a rattlesnake, one taloned foot pinning the tail to the ground, the other prying the mouth open while a wing pulls on a fang.

“Stop!” I cry, racing down the stairs and towards the fight. The peacock wrenches his wing back, and Jake recoils and yells out, wriggling free of the bird’s grasp. “AH, YOU DAMN--!” He hisses sharply at the peacock and rattles his tail furiously. 

I shoot the peacock a glare, then turn my attention towards Jake. “Let me see.” I reach for his head, but he ducks away and continues rattling. “I don’t need your help, woman!” He hisses back. Blood’s starting to drip from his mouth.

“Y-you’re bleeding!” I kneel down to his level. “Did he--just let me look at it, okay?” 

With clear reluctance, he opens his mouth and reveals a bleeding hole where one of his fangs should be. 

“Shen!” I snap at the peacock, seeing that he’s holding the missing fang in his wing. “What the hell?!”

“Oh, please, he started it!” Shen snaps back. “Don’t be fooled by his attempts to get sympathy from you.”

“I hope you stick yerself with that,” Jake hisses to Shen. “See how proud you are with them pretty feathers all rotted!”

“You have no idea how lucky you are that Rose is standing in the way,” Shen sneers. “If I had everything to my will, you would be an ugly skin pinned to the wall by now!”

I gently stroke Jake’s scales as he hisses at Shen once again. “Don’t react, it’s what he wants.” I say softly. “Come on, that’s bleeding a lot. Let’s get you some tissues or something.” He doesn’t resist when I scoop him into my arms and lift him from the floor. I catch him glaring daggers at Shen, then nestling into my grasp as I walk away.

“For the record, I don’t care who started it.” I call back to Shen. “I don’t want you two or anyone else here hurting each other. Got it?” I growl to myself as I walk away and towards the other side of the lodge.

- - -

“Does it hurt?” I ask him as I grab a few fistfuls of tissues and bring them over to the table he’s settled on.

“‘Course...but I don’t need you to fawn over me, I can take care of myself.” He spits to the side, blood spattering the wood. “It’ll grow back, anyhow.”

“That’s not the point...” I reply, folding up the tissue until it’s small enough to fit in his mouth. “I’m asking because I care about you. That’s what people do. And you getting a nasty bleed from having a tooth ripped out isn’t going to make me think any lesser of you. You’re still the rugged, dashing outlaw of my dreams, even if you get a little roughed up at times.”

He opens his mouth and I place the tissue under the wound, so it’ll put pressure onto it as long as he keeps his mouth shut. It makes his mouth a little lopsided, which makes me smile a bit. “Well ain’t you just a regular ol’ vet.” He remarks with a grin.

“I used to want to be one,” I reply, wiping up the rest of the blood. “I guess I was just too squeamish around needles to really go for it. Plus I hated math and sucked at chemistry. But when it was just me and my stuffed animals...that was a great feeling. Now I just satisfy that caretaking urge with my writing.”

“Well, I’d prefer you as my nurse over Kurogiri,” he replies. “You’re warmer.”

“Right, warmer...you seemed really tired last night. Does cold weather just do that to you?” 

He nods. “It’s a reptile thing. We get all tired n’ sluggish to conserve energy.” He explains. “Warmer in here today, though. Hopin’ it stays that way.”

“When it gets cold...you always have me, y’know...”

He smiles. “Heh...might have to take ya’ up on that offer...” He suddenly straightens up a bit, flicking his tongue out. “...Why’s the air smell like whiskey all of a sudden?”

“Whiskey?” I take a sniff as well. “Weird...I smell cotton candy. And those two scents aren’t even remotely similar.”

Turning around, I notice a swirl of blue smoke coming up from the floor and forming a spiraling cloud. When it clears, a tall, broad-chested monster is standing before me, three smiling faces meeting mine.

“Rose! Where have you been, doll?” he greets me, leaning down towards me and placing a hand beneath my chin. 

“Ozzie!” I smile back, leaning into the touch. His hand is soft and warm, and that sweet smell is still there. “You’re here, too?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he replies, still smiling. “How you like the new fragrance? Beelzebub’s idea. It’s supposed to manifest as the most enticing scent to whoever smells it.”

“It’s nice,” I respond honestly. “Really nice. But you don’t have to try and impress me--”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” he responds. “You’ve got it bad enough already. But I like seein’ that cute little smile of yours.”

“Where’s your clown, Oz?” Jake interrupts. “The lady’n I were in the middle of somethin’.”

“Aw, you gettin’ jealous, little guy?” Ozzie teases. “Don’t worry, you’ll get your turn with her. Anyway, Fizzy’s chatting with that zombie girl, Saki. Last I heard, they were discussing setting something on fire.” 

“Nothing important, I hope,” Kurogiri’s voice echoes in the mostly-empty dining room beside us. He emerges from a dark misty portal and takes shape. He seems to narrow his eyes a bit at Ozzie. “Asmodeus.”

Ozzie returns the look. “’Giri. Hey.” He makes an effort to ignore the newcomer and leans back in closer to me. “I’m sure ‘Giri took you around the place already, so I just wanted to let you know that my door’s always open.” He gives me a sultry sort of look, though that’s kind of hard to distinguish from his normal expression.

I stammer a bit, intrigued by the offer yet sort of unsure of myself. “Well...um, thanks, I’ll remember that.”

“Quite bold of you, talking of that sort of thing with me standing directly beside you,” Kurogiri buts in. “Rose, don’t hesitate to tell me if any of our guests start to bother you.”

“You trying to imply the girl can’t make that kind of choice for herself?” Ozzie replies, folding his arms over his chest. “She’s 21.”

“I’m merely suggesting that you might be acting too forward with this sort of thing,” Kurogiri replies calmly. 

“She didn’t seem uncomfortable to me until you started making a big deal out of it...” He scoffs. “Whatever.” Then he vanishes in another cloud of smoke, leaving just Jake, Kurogiri and I.

Kurogiri turns back to face me, but before he can say anything, he looks past me towards Jake. “...Has there been a fight?”

“A little one,” I tell him. “I broke it up before it got any worse, but Shen still yanked out one of Jake’s fangs.”

“A fight between Shen and Jake is far from surprising,” Kurogiri replies. “But all guests are under a strict rule not to harm one another, so I’ll be having a talk with him. As for Jake--”

“Don’t give me that!” Jake snaps. “I was defendin’ myself. That damn chicken started it!”

“Is this true, Rose?” Kurogiri turns to me.

“That’s how I heard it,” I reply. For a moment, I think to add that Jake had threatened Shen verbally first, but something makes me keep quiet about that part. Maybe favoritism.

“Very well, then.” Kurogiri nods. “Feel free to meet with the other guests in the meantime, Rose. Please return by sunset, though, I have dinner planned for tonight. And wear your coat if you go outside.”

“Alright, will do,” I reply. “Thanks.”

He warps away from the room, likely to wherever Shen went, I figure. I’m glad I won’t have to see him try to discipline that bird.

I feel a cold, slightly rough-scaled thing crawling up my arm, and I look down just in time to see Jake coiling around my neck. “Thanks for backin’ me up, there,” he says. “I ain’t got nothin’ else going on today, so why don’t you take me around with ya?”

I smile, and start making my way towards the other side of the lodge to get my coat. Just before we reach the stairs on the other side of the bedroom hallway, however, I catch the sound of Kurogiri speaking with Shen. I slowly creep back until I’m somewhat hidden from the sight of anyone in the living room, and wait.

“You don’t honestly believe that uncivilized serpent, do you?” Shen snaps.

Jake starts rattling his tail, so I quietly get his attention and make a “shh” gesture with one finger in front of my lips. He quiets down, still glaring at the peacock from his perch.

“Shen, I saw you with the fang you took,” Kurogiri replies, his voice firm. “Hand it over.”

“Oh, what for?” the peacock scoffs. “He can’t use it now.”

“No, but I won’t let you make a trophy out of it,” Kurogiri insists. “We had a deal, remember?”

“Tell that to him! He keeps trying to scare me off!”

“I will deal with conflicts as they arise. Do not fight with other guests. You know well what happens. Need I remind you that the forest is cold this time of year, and there is still room in the basement.”

“Oh, please, you wouldn’t throw me down there with that old thing. What would dear Rose think?”

“She won’t find out. Now, behave yourself. That’s final.”

Shen scoffs, and I hear the sound of Kurogiri warping away. I take that as my cue to walk out onto the stairs, trying to act natural.

“...What the hell was that about?” I finally mutter to Jake, after looking around to make sure no one else is here. “What basement? And what thing in the basement?”

“Beats me,” Jake mutters back. “Sounds like a good place for that bird, though.”

“Jake, this is serious,” I reply. “Kurogiri’s hiding something from me. From the sounds of it, it could be pretty bad. Maybe...maybe that’s whatever Future was trying to warn me about.”

“Future’s that ghost that shows up at midnight?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” I reply. “Last night it showed me a vision of a cabin with--well, it was symbolic. But it looked almost like...you guys were all going to turn on me.”

“What?!” Jake looks at me in disbelief. “No, I wouldn’t--! That ghost’s messin’ with ya.”

“...I hope you’re right,” I mutter back, taking my coat from the coat rack and heading out the front door. “But I still need to find out what he’s hiding.”

Jake grimaces at the cold outside air and burrows into the lining of my coat’s hood. “Fuck this,” he hisses. “Why would it ever need to be this cold, anyhow?!”

I let out a short little chuckle, and walk out onto the porch, where I begin to hear the sounds of someone playing a violin. Pretty close by, in fact. Almost like...

I turn my head to the side and see a somewhat-warmer-dressed Mint Choco Cookie, his mint green hair making himself stand out right away despite his different threads.

He looks up from his instrument and perks up a bit upon spotting me, and he smiles. “Rose, good morning,” he greets me with a small performer’s bow. “I hope you slept well.”

“I did, thanks,” I reply, smiling as well. “I hope you did, too. What are you doing out here practicing in the cold, though?”

“It’s not so bad today,” he replies. “I like a little chill, it makes me feel inspired. A few of the guests and I are planning a performance later in the week, and I want to make sure I can play for you at my best.”

“Oh...that actually sounds really interesting,” I reply. “Will you let me know when you’re ready? I don’t want to miss something like that.”

“Of course,” Mint Choco replies, then he looks at my hood and laughs a bit. “Hello in there, Jake.”

“’Hello’ yourself, pretty boy,” Jake replies. “Freezin’ your ass off out here.”

Mint Choco laughs again, and I wave to him as I leave the porch and walk around to the back of the lodge.

“I don’t think he knows anything about the basement,” I remark, half to myself and half to Jake. “And if he does, he’d probably tell Kurogiri I asked. He’s too nice to break any rules.”

“Look, if I don’t know anything about the basement, somebody as new to the Rose club as him sure ain’t gonna know,” Jake replies. “But lucky for you, you’re almost exclusively attracted to rule-breakers.”

“...Okay you’re right, but I feel attacked.”

He laughs.

I walk around the lodge to the backyard, finding a small path that leads to a large lake. “Man...that’s gonna be great when it warms up,” I think aloud to myself as I approach the lake. 

Sitting by the shore is a woman with long white hair. Standing by the treeline nearby are a pale woman with a shaved head and a tall cyborg with a skeletal appearance. Those two seem to be having a conversation. Not wanting to interrupt, I approach the white-haired woman instead. “Hey, Yorktown,” I greet her. “How’s it going?”

She looks up at me from her seat on the grass and smiles warmly. Her blue-violet eyes are gorgeous. “Good morning, Rose,” she replies pleasantly. “It’s good to see you up and about. Isn’t the water beautiful today?”

“Yeah...” I muse, watching the small ripples upon the surface. “Would be great to kayak on. Shame it’s way too cold right now, though. I’d probably turn into a popsicle if I fell in.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Yorktown replies, a little concerned. “We don’t want that. Please be careful.”

“You’re the woman with the...eagle...ain’t ya?” Jake speaks up, warily watching the skies. “...Where is that thing?”

Yorktown smiles. “It’s alright, Little Eagle is well-fed. He has more of a taste for fish than snakes, anyway,” she tries to reassure him. “You must be Rattlesnake Jake. You’re cuter than I expected.”

“Cute?!”

“I’m sure she doesn’t mean any offense by it,” I speak up, wanting to defuse the situation as quickly as possible. “Actually, Yorktown, I wanted to ask you something.”

She raises an eyebrow, curious. “About what?”

“...Do you know anything about a basement here?”

She shakes her head. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t think I know anything about a basement in that building. Wouldn’t it be better to ask Kurogiri about that?”

“Uh...well, I already asked and he wouldn’t tell me anything.” I bluff.

“Strange...I could ask him for you--”

“No!” Okay, real subtle, me. “Uh, sorry, I just, don’t want you to do that. I’ve got it.”

“...Well, if you’re sure.” she replies. “Maybe they might know?” She points to the couple by the trees.

“Thanks, York,” I reply, waving to her as I approach them instead.

“Of course, I can’t kiss you while we’re out here,” I hear the pale woman say to her partner in a low voice as I approach. “Your faceplate’s made of metal, so with how cold it is today, my lips would get stuck.”

I find myself giggling a bit at this, calling their shared attention over to me. “Well, if it isn’t our little star~” the woman coos with a wry smirk. “And here I was beginning to worry you’d be too frightened of us.”

“Me? Why would I be scared of you two?” I ask in return. “No one here’s going to hurt me.”

“Of course not,” the cyborg next to her replies in a gruff, metallic voice. “Forgive Asajj, she’s...being her usual self.” The pale woman gives him an irritated glance. “It’s a pleasure to finally see you in person, Rose.”

“Definitely,” I reply, smiling. “Especially considering I’ve known you two for so long. And I’m happy to see you two are still together.”

“That’s right, we have you to thank for that, don’t we?” the woman, Asajj Ventress, remarks. “I admit, I thought you were crazy at first. But you’ve got better taste than I gave you credit for.”

“Thanks.” I change my tone then, about to ask them my question. “There’s something about this place that’s been on my mind lately. Have either of you heard about a basement in the lodge?”

The pair exchange a confused look, and both shake their heads. “I didn’t even know there was a basement. Kurogiri never mentioned one, and I haven’t seen one, either.” Asajj answers.

The cyborg, Grievous, narrows his eyes for a moment. “...I have no knowledge of a basement, but...at times, long after the sun has set, I’ve heard scratching from beneath the floorboards in the living room. I thought to ask about it once, the master of the household claimed it was vermin.”

“Vermin?” Asajj raises a brow. “You never mentioned that to me. But that seems...strange, doesn’t it? Why would a perfect dream world have pests underneath the floorboards? ...Something isn’t adding up.”

“...You really heard something like that?” I ask, now a little unsettled. “...He’s definitely hiding something from me, if what you’re saying is true, Grievous. But...why? Why would Kurogiri need to hide anything from me?”

“I’m not sure,” Asajj replies. “But for your own sake, I don’t think you should let him know you’re curious about it until you have enough information to confront him. Let us know when that happens. Qymaen and I will be more than ready to back you up.” Grievous gives a nod of agreement.

“Thanks,” I reply. “Both of you. It’s good to know I can trust you.” I bid farewell to both of them and after catching sight of a trail through the woods, I start heading over in that direction.

“Vermin, huh?” Jake speaks up. I’d almost forgotten he’s there. “That woman’s right. That story don’t hold water. If there were rats under them floorboards, I’d’ve smelled ‘em. I ain’t never caught no scent from down there. Whatever’s scratchin’ them floorboards, it ain’t no animal.”

“Yeah...” I reply, a little shaken by the images my imagination’s conjuring up from that. “Just wish knowing that made me feel less nervous instead of more.”

Walking into the woods along the trail, I’m distracted from my nervous thoughts by the sparkling snow along the ground and the shining icicles hanging from the branches. This place really is beautiful...I just wish there wasn’t anything to ruin that beauty.

“Hey...person who just crunched the snow over there. Is it too much to ask you to find my eye for me?” A slightly higher-pitched voice calls out from just beside the trail up ahead.

“That sounds like--” I walk forward until I can see what looks like a pile of dark green robes topped with a wizard’s hat of the same color lying on the snow. Two purple hands are poking out from the sleeves. “Green Mage!”

The pile of robes perks up a bit at the sound of my voice. “Hey, you’re--Rose! That’s got to be your voice. Even better than one of the other guests! You’ll definitely help me, right?”

“Of course,” I reply, kneeling down in the snow to meet their level. “You yeeted your eye again, didn’t you?” I try to keep myself from laughing, not wanting to seem like I’m not concerned.

Green sighs. “Yeah...I was just so bored! You know I’ve got horrible impulse control.” 

I smile. “I’ll find it. Remember this next time, though, okay? You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” I gently pat their shoulder, and then stand up to search the woods.

“How in the hell did they toss their eye into the damn woods?” Jake mutters to me while I search. 

“It’s not really an eye,” I explain. “It’s a gemstone. They’re magic, so they can see through it. I don’t think it hurts them to take it out.”

Eventually going off the path, I see a tall figure standing by a small, frozen pond. He’s sporting large branch-like antlers decorated with vines and leaves. He turns to face me as I approach, his fawn-like ears perking up at the sound of crunching snow. His face painted with dapples of white smiles warmly. “A ‘Rose’ has bloomed from the snow,” he remarks, amused. “Have you come in search of something that was lost?”

“...Yeah, actually. Good intuition, Millie,” I reply. “We’re looking for Green Mage’s eye. They got bored and tossed it into the woods again.”

Millennial Tree Cookie chuckles. “Such an amusing name you’ve chosen for me. And ‘we’, you say? Ah, yes, I see you come to me with a lover wrapped ‘round your neck. Greetings, Jake. Though the Forest is not your home, all manner of creatures large and small are welcome here.” 

I can practically feel Jake roll his eyes at that.

“As fate would have it, I have discovered the Mage’s eye,” Millennial Tree Cookie continues, turning to face me and holding out a round white crystal. “It is undamaged, but perhaps they should be more careful with it.”

“Yeah, I already told them,” I reply, closing the distance between us to retrieve the eye from his hands. “Thanks, Millie.”

He nods slowly, still smiling. “It pleases me to know that this lonely thing will be returned to its owner. I must return to the lodge for now. Kurogiri is preparing a wonderful feast for all of us. I look forward to seeing you there.”

“Oh, right,” I reply, the mention of a feast reminding me that I am actually getting a bit hungry. “Actually, would you take the eye back to Green, then? They’re near the start of the trail.”

He cocks his head to one side like a puzzled animal. “Will you not be joining us?”

“No, I will be. I just...want to see where this trail leads.”

He smiles and nods, taking the eye back into his gentle hands and walking back towards the trail with a measured, graceful gait. “Take care, young Rose--” he calls back. “Not all who roam the Forest are as gentle as I.”

I nod as I watch him leave. “Everybody’s just being ominous today, huh?” I remark.

“You could take it as a sign to get the hell back inside--” Jake mutters. “‘Fore we both freeze to death.”

“Yeah...” I reply, pulling my hood shut tighter at an unpleasantly cold gust of wind. “You kinda have a point. I’m curious, but it feels like it’s getting even colder now, and I probably shouldn’t wander too far from the lodge when it’s like this.”

I’m about to turn around and walk back the way I came, but now the wind is carrying the sound of distant song to me as it blows. I think I recognize that voice. It’s a low, operatic sort that sounds simultaneously haunting and inviting. And it’s quickly getting closer.

Jake stays quiet, but he coils tighter around my neck and burrows further into my hood...and I don’t think it’s just because of the cold. I catch him glaring at me confusedly, perhaps wondering why I’m not full on booking it back to the lodge.

“Lead through the mist, by the milk-light of moon...”

“All that was lost, is revealed...”

“Our long bygone burdens, mere echoes of the spring...”

“But where have we come? And where shall we end?”

“If dreams can’t come true, then why not...pretend~?” 

I feel compelled to join him in song. The words leave my lips softly at first, then grow louder as I recall the song.

“How~ the gentle wind...beckons through the leaves~ as autumn~ colors~ fall~...”

“You do remember,” the haunting voice of the Beast sounds from just behind me. “And I’d thought you would forget.”

I turn around and am met with the sight of a tall shadowy figure, great branches growing from the sides of his head like antlers. His piercing eyes of light appear almost soft. “I can’t forget that song,” I reply softly. “It’s so beautiful...”

“Beautiful enough to stand out here in the cold with me?” he asks amusedly, placing a wooden hand upon my cheek. His gaze becomes softer still when I sigh contentedly and lean into the touch. In the next moment, he spots the scaly body of Jake wrapped around my throat, tight enough to secure himself and assert his claim over me, but loose enough to avoid restricting my breath. “You did not come alone...” Beast observes. He doesn’t sound angry or betrayed, quite calm, in fact.

“He’s just trying to stay warm,” I explain. “He wanted to stay with me while I walked.”

“How romantic of him,” Beast muses. “A beast can love just the same as a man, can it not, Jacob?” He appears amused for a moment. “Do you fear me, little serpent? There is no need. We are kindred spirits, born from darkness. I dare not harm you.”

“I ain’t...scared, alright, I just...” he trails off, and falls silent again. Beast chuckles at this.

“Are you coming to dinner tonight?” I think to ask Beast, only realizing after I’ve said it how silly it sounds. Can he even eat?

Beast shakes his head slowly. “I can’t eat in the same way that you can,” he replies. “The head of the household would not be pleased to see me under his roof, either. At the least, he keeps my soul well-supplied with wood. It’s not edelwood oil, but it suffices well enough that I don’t starve.”

A thought occurs to me. “Wait, the fire in the fireplace...that’s your soul?”

“Ah, how clever of you~...” he muses, petting my hair. “Perhaps you might think it cruel for him to keep me away from it?”

“...Why does he do that?” I ask him.

“I fear your dear Shirakumo doesn’t trust me enough,” he replies. “And I am not the only one he is wary of.”

“...I’ve been wondering if I should try and talk to him about that.” I begin. “There was something I found weird today...he mentioned there being ‘room in the basement’ while scolding Shen...and Shen addressed something already being down there. When I brought it up to Grievous, he said he’d noticed scratching under the floorboards in the living room.”

Beast seems intrigued. “Well, Rose...what do you believe?”

I think for a moment. “...I think Kurogiri’s keeping someone or something sealed away in a hidden basement. Am I right?”

“Indeed,” he replies, catching me off guard. “I would know. I sing to it at night. He gets dreadfully lonely down there, you see.”

“...Wh--” I stammer, awestruck. “Who is he?”

“I’m afraid I haven’t been able to figure that out yet,” Beast replies. “The walls are thick and the basement has no windows. I suspect he’s lost his voice as well. He only responds to me with taps and scratches.”

“...How do you know he’s a ‘he’ if you can’t hear him?”

“I thought to ask him one night. One tap for ‘he’, two for ‘she’, three for ‘it’ or ‘they’.” He’s talking about this like it’s the most ordinary thing in the world, communicating with someone trapped in a hidden basement. “I will try to ask for his name tonight. Perhaps I can make a system for letters...”

“I can’t believe he would do something like this...I thought I could trust him.”

“He undoubtedly thinks this man is a threat to you and the other guests,” Beast replies. “He isn’t the type to punish without first having a good reason. Or at least, one he can tell himself is good.”

“...One more thing. I had a weird dream last night, and then Future showed me the same thing in a vision. I think it might have meant that the guests are going to turn against me. Do you know what it might have--”

“The Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come is as much a mystery to me, as it is to you,” he replies. “The future is beyond even my knowledge. But such behavior would not be against our natures. You forget, that despite our love, you stand before a devourer of souls, with a venomous serpent around your neck.”

“...” I don’t really have a response.

“Seek out the castle gardens tomorrow,” he tells me with one hand upon my shoulder. “A friend of mine may be able to help.”

Before I can ask him anything more, he’s vanished into the shadows of the coming evening. “...I think I should get back to the lodge.” I say to myself.

“‘Bout damn time!” Jake hisses in reply.

. . .

Kurogiri manifests before me as I step into the lodge and hang up my coat, making me jump a little. I don’t like not feeling like I can trust him. He hasn’t been with me long, but he’s one I connected with very strongly and one who always felt safe to me.

Maybe I don’t know him as well as I thought I did.

“Rose, there you are,” he says calmly. “You’ve arrived late to your own welcoming. Is something wrong?”

Yeah, something’s very wrong. Who are you keeping locked up in the basement that you never told me about? And why is he down there?

But I don’t say this. I’m not sure of how to bring it up to him yet, or if I even should. “I got distracted. I was checking out the forest. Talking to the other guests.” Beast had mentioned Kurogiri not trusting him, so I also don’t want to let him know I was talking to him.

Kurogiri seems to accept this, and simply motions towards the other part of the lodge. “I see. If you are ready for dinner, please follow me to the dining room.” He turns and heads back towards the other side of the lodge, and I follow him. There’s not much else to say about that.

In the dining room, the massive table is lined end to end with the various colorful guests staying at the lodge. There’s an ambient cloud of indistinct chatter as they all converse with one another. 

“Hold on for a second,” I speak up, making Kurogiri halt and turn around to face me. “I want to check on Jake’s missing fang.” 

He nods and stands off to the side as I kneel down and Jake slithers off my neck and onto the floor. I carefully remove the tissue from his mouth and notice that the hole has stopped bleeding.

“All clear?” he asks, and I nod.

“All clear.” I smile as I lean towards him and give him a gentle kiss upon his little mouth. A sudden puff of smoke blinds me, startling me into falling back onto my rear. “Wh--huh?” is all I can think to say.

“I was wondering when you’d discover that feature,” Kurogiri muses from behind me. “Your more beastly companions have been granted an alternate, more humanoid form for various sorts of convenience.”

Jake shakes himself off as the smoke clears. “So that’s what you were talkin’ about,” he says. His lower half is still that of a snake’s, albeit larger now to accommodate the new humanoid torso. Above the waist, he’s the spitting image of a dashing outlaw. A gunslinger’s attire, sharp features, long dark hair spilling over his shoulders. A thin dark mustache lines his upper lip, his skin a light, warm brown. If it weren’t for the hellfire serpent’s eyes and the sharp teeth, he’d look fully human from the waist up. He looks down at his hands, regarding them with confusion. “These thing’s’ll take some gettin’ used to,” he mutters, then flashing me a fanged grin. “So...what’s the lady think?”

“...You want my honest opinion?” I reply, a little shaken, a little unsure of myself.

“Sure. Hell, I can take it.”

“...Very...very handsome.”

He laughs as he slips past me and towards the table. “Hell, I’ll take it.” 

“So...that’s how I do it?” I ask Kurogiri, who watches as I stand back up. “I kiss them? That’s so cute! It’s like reverse Fruits Basket...wait, no, that’d be hugging. Well, it’s like The Princess and the Frog, then.”

Once I get to the bottom of the stairs, the guests all look over at me and there’s a chorus of scattered greetings. I sheepishly smile and give a “Hey, guys,” back, a little overwhelmed by the attention but not quite uncomfortable with it.

As I take my seat, Ozzie addresses Jake over his new form. “Hey, not bad, cowboy,” he remarks with a sultry smirk. “Maybe Eve had the right idea about snakes...”

“You’re gonna have to try harder’n that, Oz,” Jake replies slyly. “If you wanna convince me to get a taste of the other kind...”

“Oh, I’m countin’ on it...” Ozzie replies, chuckling.

Kurogiri clears his throat, and the prince of lust scowls a bit before sinking back into his seat. I think he mutters something to the effect of “cock-blocking son of a--” Fizzarolli, seated beside him, scowls at the mist-cloaked man as well.

“If we could have peace at the table, please,” Kurogiri declares. “Now that Rose is here, we can eat.”

Perhaps showing off, perhaps merely using the most convenient method available to him, Kurogiri warps our plates onto the table all at once, each settling right before their intended recipients. Then the warp gates close and the mist vanishes. It doesn’t seem to have been one specific dish that we all received. Everyone’s got something different on their plate, and in their glass. On Jake’s plate, in particular, I notice are...dead mice. Snakes, I think to myself.

On my own plate is a dish my mother first presented to me about a year ago--angel hair pasta with sauteed mushrooms and thinly sliced ham. I feel myself smile at the sight of it.

I notice the Horned King at the end of the table, seemingly paying no mind to anyone else around him. He doesn’t look exactly comfortable with the crowd. Maybe he only showed up to greet me. 

Demongo is seated across from him. I wouldn’t have been able to see him behind the other people next to me if it weren’t for the flame atop his head. I can’t read his face from here, but knowing how he is with crowds, he’s probably at the end so he doesn’t feel boxed in.

Seated directly beside me is Saki Nikaido, her long blonde ponytail cluing me into her identity right away. She’s telling the guests closest to her a story about her bandmates, and most of them seem pretty amused. 

Yet as I look around and work on the meal Kurogiri’s prepared (it’s really good, by the way), I notice a few faces are absent from the table. Of course Beast isn’t there, he’d told me himself he wouldn’t be. But there also isn’t any sign of Charlie, Grievous, Valtiel, or Future. ...Granted, I don’t think those guys need to or can eat, so I’m not really upset that they aren’t here.

. . .

After dinner is over, some of the guests go on their way after passing a greeting to me. Others stick around and we start discussing watching a movie together. After some discussion, we settle on one where none of the guests actually die, and it’s Jake who wins the honor of having us watch the movie he comes from. 

The viewing party comes down to Anubis, Asajj, Christine, Demongo, Fizz & Ozzie, Mint Choco, Jake, Saki, Scorpion Cookie, Striker, and of course me. We all huddle around the fireplace in the living room and enjoy Rango.

There's plenty of laughter, and the party seems pretty invested in the story by around the 15 minute mark. I catch Jake leaning closer to me when the hawk appears, and laughing triumphantly when the hawk is killed. A number of the viewers, namely the villains and the ones with a flair for the dramatic, cheer at Jake's first appearance. He grins, soaking up the admiration.

Mint Choco praises the score, Scorpion and Demongo laugh with delight over the combat. There's surprised and excited cheers when Rango confronts Jake, and while the credits roll, everyone seems to have really enjoyed themselves.

While a few of the guests go their separate ways, Jake surprises me by wrapping his coils around me and leans in close, chuckling to himself. "Feels damn good to see ya cheerin' for me like that," he says with a sharp-toothed smile. "Not like I need ya to...but it reminds me of why I took a likin' to ya in the first place. You still my girl, Rose?"

My cheeks flushed, I smile. "You can count on it," I reply.

He chuckles again, and leans in even closer. "That's what I like to hear..."

Before I can kiss him, Striker's voice sounds out. "Hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but--Jake, I oughta prove myself to these folks. Seems they're all riled up over you, and I just can't take that lyin' down." The demon stands poised with his hands on the sides of his belt, the tip of his forked tail rattling. "We better settle this sometime, right? Outlaw?"

Jake scoffs at him. "You ain't got what it takes, ya wannabe. Y'know Rose only likes you on account of how ya remind her of me."

Striker hisses. "Maybe...but I aim to change her mind."

"Um..." I butt in sheepishly. "N-not that you two fighting over me isn't...really hot, but--can we not do this? I don't want you two getting hurt."

Jake smirks. "You heard the lady, little man. Wouldn't wanna get hurt, now, would ya?"

"How you plan on pleasin' her without legs, Jake?" Striker taunts.

"Oh, you don't need 'em," Jake sneers. "If ya know what you're doin'..."

"Ohhh my god..." I whisper breathlessly, my legs unsteady, unable to keep the smile from my face.

"You two are gonna kill her, talking like that," Ozzie speaks up, now standing over the two bickering snakes. "Look at her, she's like a Victorian seein' bare ankle!"

I feel called out and start trying to hide my flushed face. The prince just laughs at this and picks me up, out from Jake's coils, setting me on the floor beside him. "You two got skill, but you gotta use some restraint around doe-eyed virgins. Can't have her overdosing on lust on her first day."

"Heh...sorry, little lady," Striker replies, briefly scowling at Ozzie, though I don't think he noticed. "Sure would be a shame if I was too much for ya, though."

Jake laughs mockingly in response. "Oh, please..." He slithers over to me and nuzzles my forehead for a short moment. "'Night, darlin'," he says quietly, before heading off up the stairs.

Striker just gives me a look, winks, and slinks off in the other direction.

"...Thanks for breaking that up," I mutter to Ozzie once the other two have left. "I...just wish everybody got along."

"Look, Rose, you learn a lotta things as the prince of lust. One of those things is that some people just don't mix, no matter how much you might want to see 'em bang--" he mutters the last bit. "Anyway, I wouldn't mind keepin' you company as long as you're staying up. You want to stay up a little, or just go to bed?"

"I think I'll just go to bed," I reply. "I want to do some exploring tomorrow, anyway."

"Alright," he replies, scooping me up into his palm before I can really react and putting me down at the top of the stairs. He's shifted to his larger form, just tall enough for his heads to poke over the railing. "Lean over the rail a bit."

A little confused, I approach the railing and lean my head over it a little. He responds with three simultaneous kisses, one for my lips and one for each cheek. He then chuckles a bit at my charmed reaction, his side faces smiling contentedly. "Yeah, Fizzy thought you might like that."

. . .

Scratch scratch scratch...

There’s a sound of claws scraping across wood coming from below me. I look down, and see inky blackness start to seep out from the floorboards. It rises into the air, swirling around the room and transforming the place into a ruined, abandoned place. It looks like how the lodge looked when I first found it.

The scratching continues. It moves around the room, but no source is visible. I look over to the crumbling brick of the fireplace, and see a message being scrawled into it.

R  E  M  E  M  B  E  R      M  E

“‘Remember me?’ But who are you?!” I call out to the source, whatever and whoever it might be. “I don’t--I don’t know who I’m supposed to remember!”

The message appears again on the wall closest to me. “REMEMBER ME”.

“Why is Kurogiri keeping you in the basement?” I continue to ask. “Where is the basement?! I want to help you, but you might be the only one who knows how!”

This time, the message was different.

I ‘ M   I N   T H E   W A L L S

I gasp, sudden realization washing over me. “The Warp Gate Quirk! The entrance to the basement isn’t a door! I need to warp through the walls to find you!”

L E T   M E   O U T

The new message is scrawled into the wall at lightning speed. There’s a solid thud from behind the wall bearing the message. Then another. And another. They keep getting louder and louder, and I feel as though any second the wall will burst open and reveal the missing guest. I’m both eager and afraid of that possibility.

. . .

I awake with a start, lying in my bed. The room’s pretty dark, only barely illuminated by the moonlight streaming in through the window. It’s only once the haze of sleepiness fades that I realize I’m being held by someone.

A somewhat heavy serpentine body is draped overtop of mine, positioned diagonally. The humanoid upper half lies beside me. When I look over, I see a pair of fiery orange eyes looking back at me.

“Easy, now,” he says with an uncharacteristic softness to his voice. “It’s just me. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

“Jake? What are you doing in here?”

“Got too cold again,” he replies. “Y’know how it is. Now, what’s got’cha all riled up?”

“I...I think I know how to get into the basement.”

He blinks, confused. “Wha--?”

“There’s no door. I have to use Kurogiri’s powers to get there.”

“...And how are you gonna get him to let you in?”

“...I don’t know.”

“Well,” he remarks. “Way I see it, now might be one of them times where violence is the answer.”

[scribbling-stiks]

OS -  Papa Bear

Russia sits back on the couch in the living room, surrounded by chaos. He smiles.

America had a private meeting and the states are staying for the holidays and had asked Russia to watch them. Russia had, of course, agreed. He'd grown close to the states, after all, and would do anything for Ame.

He hears the start of an argument in the dining room and stands up to separate it.

"Oklahoma! Give it back!" Arizona shrieks.

"NO!"

"My teddy bear!" Alaska cries.

Russia walks in and sees Oklahoma standing on the table with a small bear in hand. Arizona is screaming at her, standing on a nearby stool with her hair smoking. Alaska is trying to climb on the table, crying.

"Well, maybe Alaska shouldn't have drawn in my book!" Oklahoma shouts.

"Enough!" Russia shouts.

The three freeze and Alaska sniffles before running forward.

"She stole Miska!" Alaska cries, pointing at Oklahoma.

"Get off the table," Russia demands.

Oklahoma scrambles down and quickly hands the stuffed toy back to Alaska, who hugs it to her chest and scampers off. Russia gives Arizona and Oklahoma steely looks.

"Why were you screaming?" Russia asks.

"Oklahoma wasn't listening," Arizona says with crossed arms.

"I only took it because Alaska drew in my sketchbook that dad got for me and ruined it!" Oklahoma cries, tears in her eyes.

"Calm down," Russia soothes, "I'm sure you can fix it or ask your father for a new one. I will talk to Alaska."

"Sorry, Papa," Oklahoma mutters before her head whips up, fear in her eyes, and her face turns pink. She lowers her gaze.

Russia stares at where she had been, her words repeating in his mind.

'"Sorry, Papa."'

'"Papa"'

Russia feels his face burn and he covers it with his hands. His mind blue screens.

'Do they see me as a father figure??'

"...Russ?" Oklahoma asks experimentally,

"YORK!" Arizona shouts, "Oklahoma broke Russia!"

New York walks in and Russia's head snaps up, his head swimming with questions.

'Do they see me as a father?'

'Does America know?'

'How many of them do?'

"What the f*** just happened?"

"I may have called him 'Papa' by accident," Oklahoma admits, looking away and rubbing her arm.

New York scoffs before turning to look at Russia with a smirk.

"Jersey's going to love this," New York says before walking out and calling over his shoulder, "also, Dad's pulling up. He'll help."

~

Russia knocks on the door. The upcoming meeting would be the next day and America offered to house him, though warned him that the states are staying for the holidays. He tugs the extra luggage in behind him with a wide smile.

"Hi, Papa!"

"Dad! Papa's here!"

Russia blushes.

'I don't think I will get used to that.'

"Hi!" America exclaims, poking his head out from the kitchen.

Russia grins.

"Join me once you get your luggage up to your room. I'm sure the states would love to help," America calls before disappearing back behind the doorway.

Russia smiles and the states insist on helping bring the stuff upstairs. Russia scoops up a happily squealing Alaska and follows them up to make sure nothing got lost in the hallway and smiles.

Russia manages to get everything into his room with the states none the wiser of the gifts he'd brought with him. He smiles and walks back downstairs, Alaska in his arms. He walks into the kitchen to see America and Georgia coaching some of the younger states with cutting out sugar cookies and Louisiana mans the stove.

Alaska squirms out of his grip to go help and Russia walks up behind America, wrapping his arms around America's waist.

"Hello," Russia says.

America laughs and turns around, pecking him.

"Hey babe," America says, "Wanna help with the sugar cookies?"

Russia gives a shrug and sits down on the bench with the states, helping cut little snowflakes from the dough. The night is exciting, and the states bounce around the living room and play Christmas music loudly from the TV speakers. Russia smiles.

'What a place to be.'

He'd also be lying if he had said he didn't love the pajamas that he'd gotten.

"Christmas Eve tradition," America had said.

Russia wasn't about to argue with him. After the states are sent upstairs, Russia and America gather gifts and set them up under the tree. Though he could've sworn that he saw a few of them with his name on them clearly not written or wrapped by America, but he decides against asking any questions.

The next morning comes quickly and Russia finds his lap full of boxes and wrapping paper.

Opening the first one, he finds a jacket reading "Papa Bear" across a patch on the front. He decides it's his new favorite jacket.

~

Russia decides he really should've been more careful with his wardrobe choice when visiting his family. He had worn the jacket, forgetting what it actually said, and his siblings didn't wait to pounce on him for it.

"Papa Bear?! I-" Kasakstan exclaims, laughing into his hands.

"I think you stole my name," Soviet teases.

Ukraine just laughs and points. Russia tries his best to hide his reddening face.

"Well, who are you looking after? Do I have a niece or nephew?" Belarus asks.

"More like 50," Russia mumbles, looking away.

His family stops talking and he turns to see them staring at him with jaws dropped.

"What?" Russia asks innocently.

"50 children aND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!" Soviet exclaims.

~

"Is this really how we want to introduce our engagement? At the world meeting?" Russia asks, throwing on the, now, well-worn jacket.

"Yes! It would also let us introduce the states too. I know some of them have been dying to meet the countries."

"We'll have to watch Massachusetts."

"Yeah. But the rest of them will just be coming along for the show," America says, hands on his hips.

Russia sighs and shakes his head, but decides not to argue.

"Besides, Cali's already gotten all of the kids to play along," America says, pulling on a sweatshirt with "Mama Bear" written in black text across the front, "no backing out now. Does your family know?"

"No, they don't know the whole story. Though I believe my father has already put it together."

"Yeah, the commie's known about the states since West talked to him during the Cold War. That kid is gonna give me a heart attack one day, I swear."

Russia hums in understanding and helps put a hairband in Alaska's hair, the fuzzy bear ears standing up adorably. Russia smiles.

'The kids agreed, and it will make America happy. I can deal with it.'

They arrive just as the meeting is starting and walk in with the kids trailing behind them. Russia notes that New York really doesn't seem too pleased with his arrangement, but most of the other kids are trading smiles and shushing the giggling of the siblings around them.

America takes Russia's hand with a smile.

"You ready?" America asks.

Russia nods.

"Make sure you guys stay out of sight until we open the door again, okay?" America asks over his shoulder.

The states nod in agreement and stand against the walls to avoid being seen when the door is opened.

America nods and pushes open the door. The nations who had been talking in the room all go quiet and stare at America.

"America, is this a bloody joke?" UK asks, despite England's protests.

America looks UK dead in the eye before lifting up their intertwined hands, a smirk on his face.

"What's with the bear thing?" France asks, sounding mildly curious.

"It's the message," America says with a smirk, reaching back for the doors, "Papa bear is my partner and you don't mess with Mama bear's cubs."

America shoves the doors open and the states come streaming in, laughing and cheering. UN stares on with absolute disbelief. Most of the other countries do the same. Canada and Australia just laugh. New Zealand looks dumbfounded.

"What? They wanted to meet you and Russ and I got together, so we figured we'd kill two birds with one stone and just do it all at once," America says loudly, drowning out the sea of little voices.

"HAH!" Texas laughs, "I'm not dead, fuckers!"

America lets go of Russia's hand and pulls Texas by the ear to the back of the room, scolding him the entire way. Russia just smiles.

'I love him.'

~

Table of Contents

[savontic]

HNDHXHXXJXNXKX OKAY SO @lildreamysoul TAGGED ME TO ANSWER QUESTIONS WITH BLUE. USUALLY I JUST GUSH SO THIS IS,,,,,PRETTY NEW???? TO ME????? SEEMED KINDA FUN SO IMMA TRY ANYWAY-

1. introduce yourselves. who are you? what do you like to do?

i'm tato!! there isn't a whole lot to do in the underground, but i've taken to helping out at muffet's during the weekdays! she's just been super kind to my little brother and i since coming to snowdin, so i do my best to repay her for it.

OH COME ON STARLIGHT, YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. SHE'S KIND BECAUSE SHE ADORES YOU TWO! KINDNESS ISN'T GIVEN WITH THE EXPECTATION OF REPAYMENT.

*sigh* i knowwww. sorry, it just makes me feel better about it.

NO NEED FOR APOLOGIES, YOU JUST NEED TO GO EASIER ON YOURSELF.

....OH, RIGHT! THE QUESTION!! HELLO THERE!! MY NAME IS SANS, THOUGH I'M TOLD THERE'S A NUMBER OF PEOPLE WITH THAT NAME, SO I ALSO GO BY BLUE SOMETIMES! IT'S QUITE STRANGE REALLY, I NEVER EXPECTED IT TO BE SO COMMON. I SPEND MOST DAYS TRAINING WITH ALPHYS TO BE AN ENFORCER OF OUR QUEEN'S LAWS AND PEACE IN THE UNDERGROUND, AND I'M PROGRESSING QUITE WELL!

welllllll.....most of her laws. isn't it technically treason to be harboring humans? you've got two living under your roof, sweets.

O-OH, RIGHT. BUT!! SURELY IF SHE KNEW HOW LOVELY YOU WERE, SHE'D MAKE AN EXCEPTION! I WOULD JUST....REALLY RATHER NOT RISK IT.

2. how was your first meeting like?

OH GOSH, I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. I WAS OUT ON PATROL AS PER USUAL, UNTIL TWO HUMANS STUMBLED OUT FROM THE FOREST WE HAVE SURROUNDING THE PATH TO SNOWDIN, NEARLY FROZEN IN THEIR BOOTS! APPARENTLY PAPYRUS HAD SPOOKED THEM SO MUCH WITH HIS HORRIBLE PRANK THAT THEY RAN OFF INTO THE TREES AND GOT LOST!

ughhhhhhh yeah, it's really embarrassing to think about. dakota and i thought we were about to be stalker bait, so we kept running unil we couldn't find our way back. it was pure luck that we bumped into you, and that you were kind enough to let us into your home when we had nowhere else to go.

WELL, I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE YOU OUT THERE TO FREEZE! PLUS, IT ALSO MEANT I GOT TO LIVE WITH A VERY CUTE HUMAN POPSICLE, SO IT'S A WIN-WIN!!

3. how did you get together? who confessed first?

i'm not sure if it counts as a confession per se....

IT TOTALLY DID.

pfft, well, dakota and i had been living with sans and papyrus for a while. we were all having fun while paps had been at muffet's and it led to an inevitable tickle war. dakota had fled to the bathroom to escape, the traitor, leaving me to fend for myself.

I HAD HER WHEEZING ON THE GROUND IN SECONDS. HONESTLY, I HADN'T EXPECTED HER TO BE SO TICKLISH! OUR LAUGHTER DIED DOWN, AND I JUST....GOT LOST IN THOSE EYES. HARDLY REALIZED WHAT I WAS DOING UNTIL I KISSED HER!

oh jeez, i still get butterflies just thinking about it-

4. what are your thoughts on pda?

I SOMEWHAT HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT IT. AS MUCH AS I ADORE SHOWING THAT WE BELONG TO EACH OTHER, TATO CAN BE AN ABSOLUTE DEVIANT AT TIMES!

heheheheh, i guess it has kind of become a game to figure out the best ways to fluster you when we're out and about. i'm sorry angelbite, but it's really the cutest thing.

MWEH!

5. how do you show your affection towards each other/what are your love languages?

honestly, cuddles have to be my favorite thing to show affection, or just spending quality time together in general.

I SUPPOSE WE DO SPEND MOST NIGHTS IN FOR CUDDLES, DON'T WE? I DO LOVE BEING ABLE TO HOLD YOU CLOSE, AND I SOMETIMES LEAVE LITTLE NOTES OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR HER TO FIND BEFORE I HEAD OUT FOR MY EARLY-MORNING JOG!

6. who's more introverted and who's more extroverted?

oh gosh, you're definitely more extroverted than i could ever dream of being! i can only be around groups of people for so long before needing alone time to recharge. really, i don't know how you do it, angelbite.

MWEH HEH HEH! IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT THE COOLEST GUY HAS THE COOLEST GIRLFRIEND AND THE CHARISMA OF A TRUE ROLE MODEL!!

7. who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

WITH THE RECENT SURGE OF MAGIC THROUGH THE UNDERGROUND AND SUBSEQUENT GROWTH SPURT IN SEVERAL MONSTERS, ESPECIALLY BOSS MONSTERS, YOU'D THINK THAT I WAS THE BIG SPOON! BUT WE USUALLY TAKE TURNS!

sometimes i'll have an off day and need to have him surrounding me, and other times he really needs to be held and assured that i'm here for him! it depends on the day, honestly!

MWEH HEH HEH, OH MY STARS IT MUST BE QUITE THE SIGHT. A HUMAN CLINGING TO THE BACK OF A HULKING SKELETON NEARLY THREE TIMES HER SIZE! I BET SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE BACKPACK.

hey! do not!!

AW, DON'T WORRY DEAREST, YOU'RE -MY- LITTLE BACKPACK~

8. what do you like doing together the most?

IF I HAD TO CHOOSE....I'D SAY WHEN THE FOUR OF US ARE ALL TOGETHER, WHETHER IT'S HAVING DINNER, PLAYING GAMES, OR JUST WATCHING A MOVIE. SINCE THEY'RE STAYING UNDERGROUND, TATO, MY BROTHER AND MYSELF HAVE ALL TAKEN IT UPON OURSELVES TO RAISE DAKOTA TO HAVE AS NORMAL OF A LIFE AS POSSIBLE. IN LITTLE MOMENTS LIKE THAT, IT REALLY FEELS LIKE....A FAMILY, IN A WAY I'D ONLY DREAMED OF.

...DEAREST? ARE YOU CRYING?

n-no, sorry, i just.....couldn't agree more.

9. tell us a fun fact about the other!

despite paps' reputation, blue actually has quite the sweet tooth himself! new cookies and pastries muffet has taught me how to bake will only last a couple days once he's caught whiff of them!

IT TRULY IS A CURSE, THOUGH IT EXPLAINS WHY IT SEEMS I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF YOU~

oh my god-

OH! FUN FACT! TATO HAS A SMALL CRYSTAL FROM WATERFALL THAT SHE ALWAYS CARRIES AROUND FOR GOOD LUCK.

it's probably just because of the color, but it always reminds me of you, angelbite.

OH YEAH, I'D BEEN MEANING TO ASK, WHAT'S WITH THE NICKNAME? I'VE NEVER HEARD YOU USE THAT ONE BEFORE!

it seemed fitting, what with the heavenly things you can do with those teeth.

mWEH-?!

10. tag other selfshippers and their f/os.

i'll be honest, i'm not sure who has and hasn't done this yet. if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged! ^^

[junker-town]

‘The Bachelor’ Recap: Pilot Pete already in the danger zone after one week

ABC

Also, could Hannah B. be back?

In a frenzy of sequins, sex jokes, and make-outs, The Bachelor returned to our screens with [extremely Chris Harrison voice] the most dramatic season premiere in history. Peter Weber aka Pete the Pilot aka Pete the Make Out Bandit not only met the 30 women that would be vying for his heart, but also went on his first group date, first one-on-one date, and extended an invitation to his ex, Hannah.

Hannah, who unceremoniously dumped Peter after their windmill-fueled fantasy suite date, showed up to wish our dapper pilot good luck and return the set of wings he gave her when they first met. She later returns to host the world’s most awkward group date (they’re going to tell sex stories to a room of hostages live audience), and there are a lot of tears and running mascara.

But before all of the dates and the crying, there was the Parade of Ladies and, of course, some crying.

I’d make fun of the women getting out of a limo and saying “oh, he’s perfect” after watching him on TV and talking to him briefly, but I’m pretty sure I’ve said the same after watching Tom Holland on the press junket for Avengers: Endgame.

As expected, there were a LOT of terribly uncomfortable sex jokes — mostly revolving around Peter and Hannah’s windmill experience last season — and a handful of flying puns. One of the suitors, Alayah, presented Pete with a note from her grandmother, Rose, which was by far the cutest gimmick of the night.

A lot of wine was consumed, a lot of women were kissed, and a lot of people said “can I steal you for a second” before Pete eventually sent home eight women.

First Group Date

Marine Corps pilot Katie Cook (the first female pilot with the Blue Angels) and Marine Corps C-130 pilot Alisa Johnson oversaw a date that was offensive to aviation. Both pilots are now reservists and came out to run the women through some sort of diet flight school where they were asked a series of basic math questions. That...didn’t go well for some of them.

Q: How many feet in a mile?

A:

ABC

Has nobody seen ‘Remember the Titans’?

Oooooh. So close.

The women next went for a ride on a gyroscope, which allowed for a hyper dramatic and fantastically edited flashback after Victoria P. said she had a bad experience in a spinning tea cup ride. She would later throw up (in the bathroom off camera, thankfully), but it was worth it for the entertainment value.

They finished with an obstacle course of sorts with Kelley (who had a mysterious happenstance meeting with Pete in a Westlake, CA hotel before filming started) blatantly cheating to win some one-on-one time with our pilot.

This is the best show on television and you can’t convince me otherwise #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/Hkodesj1rR

— Bachelor Party (@BachPartyPod) January 7, 2020

Kelley, an attorney, later defends herself at the evening portion of the date by saying, “I didn’t know the rules were going to be that strict.” A LAYWER. THIS WOMAN IS A LAWYER. She would go on to also take the group date rose, ensuring we get another week of Kelley- and-Peter make-outs.

One-On-One Date

Madison got the one-on-one date, and Pete took her to his parents’ vow renewal. Look. The date was super cute, they clearly have chemistry, and Pete’s family is frickin’ adorable. This date was also horribly boring and they finished with one of the patented Bachelor awkward solo concerts.

Moving on.

Second Group Date

This is where things get good. IS THAT HANNAH B’S MUSIC AGAIN?

Pete takes a group of ladies to a theater where Hannah B. meets them and regales them with the windmill story before telling them about the aforementioned requirement to share embarrassing sex stories with strangers. As the ladies scatter to come up with the content that will likely make their next face-to-face with their families super awful, Hannah B. and Pete get to talking backstage.

She expressed regret for the way things ended (reminder: she chose Jed over Pete, and turned out Jed had a girlfriend), and Pete asked Hannah B. if she wanted to join the party and compete for his heart. There was a LOT of crying and no waterproof mascara in sight.

ABC

I don’t think Hannah will end up coming back to the Bachelor Mansion as she was mid-Dancing With the Stars at this point — a show she would go on to win — but this drama will carry over to next week.

On to the superlatives!

Most likely reason your flight was delayed - Selfies with your pilot

I hope Pilot Pete shows up to the airport well before he’s supposed to now, because apparently he can’t get through the concourse without stopping for numerous selfies. I can hear the announcement already.

[PA scratches] Flight Attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin boarding flight D329 to Milwaukee shortly. We, ah, are waiting on one of the pilots, who, ah, according to Instagram, is somewhere in the airport taking selfies near the Chick-Fil-A in Terminal B.

ABC

Most aggressive intro video - Alexa

Alexa is an esthetician, and her bio video opens with her staring out over the Chicago River talking about how she loves to care for people. It looks like she’s delivering a baby, but suddenly the voiceover declares “...and I wax vaginas for a living!”

Well, alright then!

ABC

The bigger question is: Who is the woman getting waxed? How do you get approached about that? Was she excited for her debut on The Bachelor? Do you get paid for that? Is your waxing session at least covered?

Most likely to get Salmonella - Victoria P.

DON’T EAT THE COOKIE DOUGH, VICTORIA.

ABC

Worst Xs and Os - Madison’s dad, Chad Prewett

Madison, an Auburn grad, is the son of Chad Prewett, the current Director of Operations for Auburn Men’s Basketball. He previously worked as the special assistant to head coach Bruce Pearl, and Coach Pearl is well aware of Madison’s participation in the series.

Bruce Pearl just told me the daughter of one of his assistants is on The Bachelor this season. I’ve never seen the show, but safe to say the Tigers now have an interesting subplot to their season.

— Matt Norlander (@MattNorlander) January 7, 2020

Madison will likely stick around a long time, but you have to ask some questions about Pop’s plan to attack the paint. Despite having a history at Auburn with scouting opponents and running the Tigers’ zone defense, Coach Prewett drew this up for Madison:

ABC

First of all, that’s far too many defenders. Second of all, if the other suitors are playing a packed-in zone, I wouldn’t recommend driving the lane. Instead, take that shot over the top of the D, man. Madison is fully capable:

Casually aiming for Pilot Pete’s heart like… #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/URIJD3Q8Np

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) January 7, 2020

Best aviation pun - Eunice

Poor, sweet Eunice was one of three flight attendants in the group of ladies, and one of three flight attendants that didn’t make it past the first night. Eunice, however, will forever be remembered for her top-notch flying-Bachelor pun as she declared, “I’m here for the flight reasons.”

Aren’t we all? ✈️ #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/sB4Lh8LmRD

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) January 7, 2020

Most likely to have Peter’s heart and also be absolutely hated in the house - Hannah Ann

Hannah Ann had a busy first half of the premiere:

Asked him if he had room for another Hannah in his heart

Got one-on-one time with him not once, not twice, but THREE times

Gave Peter a hand-painted picture

Referred to herself in the third person

Got the coveted First Impression Rose

Pissed off every girl in the house in the process

Here’s Hannah Ann’s IDGAF face:

ABC

Most petty - Natasha

Natasha’s time with Pete was interrupted by Mykenna with the latter throwing small paper planes at them (GET IT? THEY’RE PLANES...HE’S A PILOT). Natasha returned the favor by tracking down the gigantic paper airplane Madison brought as her prop when she arrived (GET IT? IT’S A PLANE...HE’S A PILOT). It was absolute perfection.

Natasha’s pettiness is the energy I’m trying to bring into 2020 #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/twT2Y2ryR8

— Brett S. Vergara (@BrettSVergara) January 7, 2020

Worst first night in the mansion - Victoria F.

Here’s how Victoria F.’s night went:

Met Peter and badly told a terrible sex joke that she was clearly too embarrassed to tell

Found out she wasn’t the only Victoria

Finally got one-on-one time with Peter, where it was clear he barely remembered their first interaction and then asked her to re-tell the terrible sex joke that she was clearly too embarrassed to tell

Gets interrupted

Cries in a hallway

She did, however, get a rose and went on the group date that made my former Naval Aviator self cringe at every moment.

Gone Too Soon:

Maurissa Kylie Eunice Megan Katrina Jade Avonlea Jenna