#I also first saw this post in the midst of on and off sleeping and straight up thought i dreamt this until i saw it again-

[mihii-i]

silver bullet.

Pairings: jinx x fem!reader

CW: sfw, female reader, vampire jinx, vampire hunter reader, graphic violence, blood, reader fucking HATES jinx in the beginning, but this ho has a crush on her implied, I use more foul language than usual uh oh, jinx is too silly for reader’s gloomy ass, my girl gets lowk messy with drinking blood cause whys it getting everywhere, part 2 (pending), collab fic, I was leaping up and down like a baby writing this god, proud of this one, the way I want to give isha another sibling holy shit, licking up the green tea today, not proofread.

A/N: now playing touchin’ me by chandler leighton—oh yall KNOW I have to do another collab fic with her come on @kadriss-loves-gifflars anyway I loev jinx so yes this woman makes me a total 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 also lowkey this kinda works cause silco reminded me of a vampire when I first saw him and post shimmer jinx? Yeah definitely 🕯️

Heavy onslaughts of rain poured in a fervent wash of deafening white noise circling you as your drenched form stood upright in the frigid shower, droplets dribbling down the protruding jugular veins of your throat with your teeth bared in a rugged scrape against each other. Days. Weeks. Months. You don’t know how long you’d feel the numbing shivers crawling up your spine as a product of your unending weariness, head swerving weakly from side to side in caution to make sure that a pair of fangs didn’t tear away at your flesh from behind.

The torture was unbearable for you. Countless nights of lost sleep lingered in the fury of your sanity slipping past the fingertips of any ground of stability, fingers buried deep into the plush of the pillow to crease as it sank under the weight of your thumb pressured upon it. How long had you truly spent hunting down this blood sucking demon? How many more lives had to be lost for you to finally put an end to her advances chewing up the city you resided in?

Every awful detail of her face was etched into your mind, sticking in like a leech as you memorized those deep, pink eyes flaring with their sights set on you, stray strands of turquoise blue locks framing her face whenever she poked out from the engulfing darkness of a hallway. Much worse, she didn’t even take the potential of you ending her life seriously at all. Likely taunting you further at the prospect of her dying at your hands, as if it was an absurd idea. Occasionally even throwing up a finger gun with that shit eating grin on her face to mock you, the same grin she had on her face when she devoured another innocent soul with specks of blood decorating the corner of her lip.

Heavy breaths rumbled out of your throat in accordance with your twitching eyelids, jerking with each descending droplet over water plinking against the metallic nub lodged between your bare fingers, peeking out from the bumps of fabric crowned with dark leather sheathing the palm and dorsal side of your hand. Sharply inhaling through your nose, you idly dragged your thumb along the intricate carvings scratched into the steel bullet hemmed in the grasp of your fingers slowly rotating it like the digits of a combination lock.

This would be the time. You swore. You’d bury that bullet in her skull and wipe that grin off her face if it was the last thing you’d ever fucking do.

You’d murder Jinx if it was the last thing you’d do.

You carefully drew in another breath of the pungent air sided, with the specks of rain landing onto the black leather coat draped over your shoulders, the foul stench of dried blood dissolved into rainwater stung your nostrils in a near assault as your shoes imprinted an outline of blocky lines into the thick mud. The rusted brass of your pistol rested against your hip with your hand hovering over the drenched gunmetal, rapidly yanking it out and slamming the bullet to load into it as if you were resolute on a definite decision to put down this killer.

What a shame. You couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself weakly in the midst of your pathway to Jinx, teeth dragging up your bottom lip to bite off the loose skin chapped along the soaked, dull tint of your lips. Even through this endless cycle of hunting her and losing her, braids falling behind her every time she shot you a glance upon emerging victorious, you couldn’t help but grow fond of this particular undefeated vampire.

The lingering status as a supposed ‘mortal enemy,’ if that’s what you could call it, only resulted in a bond stemming from this constant interaction that pumped streams of adrenaline across the tensed veins of your body. And strangely enough, you found yourself attached to the very person you hate, gaining a peculiar thrill from the rush of hunting her down. Relishing in the way her sharp, painted nails would lightly tap the barrel of your gun with a smile of feigned innocence, before spiraling past you at a speed you couldn’t keep up with.

Well, looks like you’ve grown attached to the vamp after all. You’ll miss her after you’ve buried that fancy silver bullet in her cranium.

Choking up at the diffusing clouds of dust sealing your airways, you firmly planted your palm against the drenched, slippery leather clothed over your left breast, avoiding the familiar shiver that racked your body as the familiar scenery unfolded before you for the umpteenth time. As you caught sight of the dark, extravagant mansion unfolded before you, a whirlwind of determination seared up within you as you took in the stygian architecture towering over you.

Of course. The countless number of times you could roll your eyes at the fact that this unkempt vampire had such an opulent living space, with the furnished decor seeming like it was left to rot for eternity, probably because she wouldn’t even bother to clean it. It was ridiculous at how this sloppy ass vampire could have everything in the world, and still prefer to toss it aside like a spoiled child. Personally, you couldn’t help but scoff internally at the immaturity exhibited by the very woman who had mauled hundreds, the only vampire you couldn’t kill so far.

A quiet cough was expelled from your lungs as the sole of your glossed boot tapped against the creak of the dusted floorboards, the dim glow of writhing candlelight flooding your vision as slivers of melted wax skipped along the little bowls that held them. Waves of apprehensive caution locked you into place as your vision wavered in the unusually dim sights of the mansion, breath coming out in shallow, rapid expulsions of air forcing their way out of your chest. It was the same as usual you could handle it. You wouldn’t let this stupid girl have her way this time.

Your expression contorted into a scrunched up picture of repulsion painted across your features as that sinister giggle bellowed in your ears in a dreadful reverberation, the frequencies of her voice cutting through any possible sense of tranquility you had left. The lingering vibrations soon faded into the pits of shadowy darkness swallowing the hallways and crevices of the area, the near colorless candlelight seeming like the only safe space that would hold you from dissolving into the belly of nothingness.

“Gotta hand it to you. You’re still chasin’ after me for what? Millions of years now?”

A swift click echoed across the confined of the enclosure, accompanied by the tiny flames burning along the candle wicks inclining in a lean to the side as if perfectly matching your every move. Jinx’s piercing eyes were practically illuminated by the little candlelight there was in a deathly glow of reddish pink, eyeing the smallest jerk of your body with a petrifying precision.

“I know you’ve got that damn grin plastered across your face even in those shadows like a coward.” You spat, your hand ghosting along the wavering, cold trigger as you rose the gun to aim into the lurking depth of pitch black.

You were aiming at nothing, the anxious lump lodged in your throat refusing to go down at your limited periphery fogging up your senses with a lurch of unusual panic.

“You won’t be running around like a moron once I rip your heart out and blow your brain out.” You added, attempting to calm your nerves with any ounce of confidence.

Jinx merely rolled her eyes, emerging into a sliver of light briefly illuminating a thin strip along her pale complexion where that messy side bang fell over her face.

“Oo. Scary.”

Her mocking tone only aggravated you further, using the remaining sanity you had bottled up left to keep yourself from folding your index finger like a trigger happy maniac.

“Come onn! Lighten up! I wore something special for our thousandth anniversary!”

“Oh? You wanna die fancy? I can respect that.”

“By dying you mean you ending up on the floor with that little gun of yours unable to clicky-clicky?”

“Shut your mouth. We’ll see who’s laughing when I squeeze your heart in my fucking hands.”

“Huh. That sounds romantic. You like me trying to chomp down on you this bad?”

You breathed out exasperated sigh, cracking your voice as your eyes flitted along every corner of the mansion hall, gripping along the swirled carvings of the worn brass tighter as to not let it clatter to the ground from the sweat of your palm mixing with the slippery drops of rainwater. Your sigh was quickly substituted with a dry laugh of choked back loathing, seething across your tensed forearms in an attempt to keep your cool in case she hurls another one of her cheap tricks at you.

“Mm. I’ll admit. I’ll miss that rush I get when I try to tear you apart with the stake, Jinx.” You mention, earning an equally amused laugh from Jinx, a flash of her faux sweet demeanor splayed along her features.

Suddenly, a swift wave seared across the blank air in an incomprehensible speed, gentle waves of a synthetic breeze caressing the exposed skin of your face as that unmistakable chill shot along the rigid column of your spine once more.

“Yeah. ‘Ts been tempting to kill you too. But hey, looks like you hit the jackpot. I’m having too much fun to drain you dry.”

Her warm breath fanned across the shell of your ear as your chest heaved up and down, blurry vision finally adjusting back into focus within the span of a split second as you realized she was right behind you, hands dug into your leather coat as the fun blue and pink of her nails contrasted the gloomy black. She wasn’t wearing her usual clothes. It was more..formal. A white button up and black pants like you initially thought vampires dressed when you were a child.

“See? Told ya’ I wanted to dress nice. I wanna see how your blood looks all over this shirt.” She muses, gesturing to the clean white fabric clinging to her stature.

Cringing at the thought of deep red stains dirtying the white shirt without even a speck of dust, you couldn’t even have a moment to yourself in thought as Jinx slowly walked in front of you, lengthy braids trailing behind her like streaks of blue lightning emanating off of the vampire before you. Her eyes transfixed onto your fear laced pupils momentarily flickering down to her muted lips before losing yourself in the deep pools of violet red.

The silence of her staring dead through the window to your soul overtook the clearing, the only noise being the little squeaks of mice, or the howl of air fostered in the tension of the clearing.

Was this it? Was she actually going to kill you now-?

“Catch me if you can.”

Her whisper hushed past her her pointed fangs barely registered through your cloudy thoughts as she disappeared into the engulfing shadows surrounding you, gaze shifting over periodically to every time you saw the small pinkish glow faintly peeking through the void.

You fired a bullet.

Nothing.

Three rounds left.

You held your hitching breath as you frantically scanned the clearing for any hint of Jinx appearing in any way shape or form. Setting your aim against the little glow once more, you could make out the slight outline of a person’s silhouette, firing your pistol once more. Only to be met with a drawn out clatter of metal rolling along the floor.

Two rounds.

“Too slow.”

God, you wanted to shut her up. As pretty as she fucking looked, as excited as she made you with the chase each time. As absolutely ravishing as she was whenever her slender fingers ran along the small of your back whenever she sped past you.

You clicked the trigger again in a chain of a loud bang, resulting in a worse shot than the last as the bullet couldn’t even penetrate whatever you shot at, fearful gaze running across the nugget of silver rolling in an echo of your trepidation before ceasing its momentum at your feet.

One round. One shot.

“Come on, (Name). What was all that blabbing about you ripping my heart out? Shooting me in the head with a silver bullet?”

Carefully, your fingers coiled against the brass handle once more, teeth grit together as you took full focus on the sights of the vampire flashing in rapid movements through you.

Bang.

A choking noise suddenly rang in your ears, accompanied by the oozing squelch of a substance dripping onto the floor. Your eyes widened at the sight of the little stream of red pooling from the shadows to trickle in a branched line to the tips of your feet, your heavy breathing more ecstatic at the realization that you have in fact, finally killed Jinx. Elated, you slowly slid your now empty pistol back into the respective loop of your utility belt, a maniac grin crossing your face.

Seriously, did you think it would be that easy?

A hand suddenly brushed along you from behind, a wash of despair, enveloping you as the familar strands of blue tickling your cheek hummed alongside the familiar cracking veins sprouted from her eyelids resided behind you.

Fuck. Had you shot a bloodbag instead? Her cheap trick of fake choking playing out?

“Gotcha.”

It was too quick before you could even think. All you could feel was the side of your neck breaking under the pressure of her fangs abruptly sinking into your throat as a splatter of crimson adorned your cheek, seeping in little red tears along the two holes Jinx had just stabbed into your skin. The messy streaks of her usual sloppy eating habits were evident as you caught sight of the vermillion splatters panned out across the once perfectly clean white of her shirt—you swore you felt her smile against your throat while keeping those fangs buried inside you to lap up the saccharine of your blood.

“Hah. What do you know? Your blood does look pretty all over my shirt.”

—

A/N: oh my fucking goodness you don’t know how much fun I had writing this giggling kicking my feet crawling up the wall I apologize for the excessive foul language I don’t want to be a vivziepop episode

Also, part 2 is going to be nsfw and I contemplated putting nsfw for this one, but that would be like tumblr clickbait so i didn’t BUT I entrust my collab monkey (friend guys I can call her a monkey) to feed you guys the nsfw.

ANYWAY YIPPEE part 2 is pending because of this goldfish sooo @kadriss-loves-gifflars

I want to save hex with her.

…I mean save the hextech gemstone from going back to piltover.

[taeraeszn]

im BEGGINGGGG for some domestic fluff with matthew. i feel there hasn’t been enough authors on here appreciating him on here!! 💗💗

true love - seok matthew

characters: matthew x gn!reader

description: you and matthew spend a day off together in your apartment

genre: pure fluff with the smallest hint of suggestiveness lol

word count: 981 words

warnings: food and hint of suggestiveness (kissing/making out) but lmk if there's more :) maybe some word errors sorry!!

a/n: hi anon ty for requesting <3 i honestly agree bc i barely see matthew posts on there and he deserves way more!!

this is probably the most suggestive thing i've ever written (ik im breaking my own rules) so expect more woohyun than matthew

also this is written with the idea that you and matthew have been together for a long time and finally live together! so enjoy bc i'm hella delulu for him LMAO

"love?" you faintly heard matthew say. you groaned as you woke up from your sleep. just as your eyes slightly opened, they shut right away as the sun rays hit them.

"hmm?" you mumbled, trying to go back to dreamland. he softly shook you while also wrapping his arms around your body.

"it's almost ten and we haven't gotten out of bed yet." he informed you. wait ten? you rose up from your comfortable position to see your boyfriend matthew laying next to you with a bright smile on his face.

he ran his hand through your hair, "wait it's ten already?" you asked. from looking outside your wide window, you already noticed people walking down the street as well as cars zooming by. but neither of you had work today so this was simply a day to relax.

"yup and we need to get up. i let you sleep for longer today but it's already going to be ten o'clock. plus, i want to eat your pancakes."

you playfully rolled your eyes at the last part of his sentence, "fine."

matthew giggled, "and good morning to you too."

"but you make them better." he grinned then somehow got even closer to you than he was just a second ago.

with that he pressed his lips against yours. you rested your hand on his chest as he put his on your cheek. his chaste kisses melted you as you kissed back.

he continued as he ran his hands around your body along with you running yours on his abs (who else died). matthew turned his head to the left to change his position.

you moved your hands to wrap around his shoulders but as just things were about to get heated he pulled away but not without kissing you once more.

"i love you." he stated, pressing his forehead against yours. you chuckled then kissed his nose.

"i love you too."

you finally got out of bed and went to prep yourself in the morning by washing your face and brushing your teeth, as well as doing some basic skincare to get your skin glowing.

"love?" you heard behind you, turning around you saw matthew right behind you. "i'm going to shower now."

"okay i'll make the pancakes." you grinned only for matthew to pout.

"that wasn't the answer i was hoping for." but nonetheless, he hopped into the shower which left you then alone in the kitchen.

the pancake mix began to sizzle on the pan as you poured the liquid onto it. mornings like this were always the best.

matthew was the one who asked if you wanted to live together and you obviously said yes to it. a year had already passed since you two began living together and it's safe to say that you've been more happier than ever being able to wake up next to the love of your life.

but you two had been dating for what felt like a decade. you met in university and it was love at first sight. matthew was persistent on getting your number and always found a way to get you to talk with him, and luckily it worked!

since then you haven't looked back which led you to where you are now. matthew moved out of the zerobaseone dorm to live with you which had the members jokingly ridiculing him for being in love. but they were also close with you as you visited the dorms plenty of times before.

midst in your train of thoughts, you felt a pair of hands from behind wrap themselves around you.

"that smells amazing." he said.

"you always say that." you replied, matthew went to open the curtains in the living room giving more light for the apartment.

"because it's true." he popped himself down on the couch to turn on the tv and play the k-drama you two recently left on.

with the pancakes finally done, you plated them and poured syrup on them along with a few blueberries sitting at the top. though you preferred sitting at the dining table, you followed your boyfriend and went to go sit on the couch with him.

you handed him his plate to which he smiled and kissed you on the forehead, "thank you love."

your cheeks began heating up as you managed to reply, "your welcome."

each time you heard him say 'love', you felt yourself turn numb. that word definitely had an effect on you and matthew knew it since he keeps using it to get a reaction from you.

as you dug into the food, you sat there while cuddling each other, tuning into the drama playing. so far there wasn't much tension between the two actors but he insisted this was a good drama since taerae recommended it to him.

"so any plans for today?" you asked. he shrugged but moved his head to rest on your shoulder.

"hmm, i'm thinking of going on a walk, if you want."

"that sounds good." you nodded.

"but most of all i just want to spend time with you today. y'know we finally got a day off like you had been wanting."

he wasn't wrong, you were waiting for a day where matthew can just rest at home and spend time with you. it was rare that he got days like this since he was almost always stuck at the wakeone building.

"and i'm glad."

"me too love."

thereafter, you sat in the peaceful silence watching tv. even though he would return to his busy idol life tomorrow, you wanted time to stop and to sit with matthew all day.

you didn't take being with matthew for granted and were so thankful you agreed to living with him. nothing is better than this. maybe soon you could spend the rest of your life with him but the present was already perfect.

[farmerlarrry]

Orange Slices (Joel Miller x f!reader)

masterlist | chapter ten | chapter nine | read on ao3 | playlist

story summary: A story about finding companionship and love in the midst of chaos.

a/n:  Happy The Last of Us day everyone!! Also happy birthday to Joel. <3 (posting this a bit late in the day but it IS the 26th for me still lol). Had to do a transitional chapter for everything to add up and make sense later on, next chapter will be much more exciting!!

word count: 4050

if you want to be notified when I post new chapters, follow @farmerlarrrylibrary and put on notifications! If you'd rather be tagged, just let me know.

Chapter Eleven

Roughly a year and some months later

Summer is quickly coming to an end, the leaves have started to turn into warm tones of red, orange, and yellow. The lush greenness of the land disappears with each new day. It’s just about midday and you’ve been sitting at the base of a boulder for about an hour now, simply staring off into the distance. A layer of freshly fallen leaves coat the ground. You feel wholly at peace. A chill runs down your spine as a slight breeze begins to pick up. The sound of leaves rustling reminds you of a thousand little whispers, making you not feel so alone up here. You tuck your knees in closer to your chest, regretting not wearing or bringing anything warmer than your thin long sleeve shirt out on today’s patrol.

It’s a very serene day. Patrol went perfectly fine, you had a longer trek than usual as it was your day to check on the dam. Of course, nothing was out of the ordinary and you sort of went into a state of autopilot. From there, you circled around, heading straight for the outlook as you do most days. Everyday is pretty much the same, and have begun to blend into one another. Wake up, patrol, outlook, dinner, sleep. Rinse and repeat. Every. Day. The one thing that you never get tired of is coming here. The view is just as beautiful as the first time you saw it. In some sort of strange way, when you’re here, you can still feel the strong, intense presence of Joel, as if a part of himself still remains up here even after he’s left. Today in particular, it’s extra strong and in an odd way, it’s comforting.

You take a look next to you, looking at the barren ground. A bittersweet feeling overcomes you, one you have to immediately ward off before you become nauseous or it turns into something more. The feeling comes and goes. 

When you first started coming out here on your own, it was in the dead winter. You’d only stay a few minutes, sometimes a half hour at most, but never longer. The reasoning not really being the weather, how the cold seeped in through your thick winter coat chilling your right down to your core, or how your nose was so cold it’d take the rest of the day to regain feeling. Sure you’d use that as an excuse to yourself, but deep down you knew the real reason. The memory of the last time you saw Joel haunted you for months after his departure. You couldn't escape the guilt nor the hurt it caused. It took you a while to build up to spending more time up here. When spring came and your emotions subsided, you started staying for longer periods of time. Soon you began to bring your lunch with you, slipping books in your backpack to sit under the shade on the warm summer days. For your birthday, Nessa gifted you a beautiful leather bound journal. She told you she had it made special for you by someone in the community, remembering how you loved writing and journaling back in high school. After that you started carrying it with you everywhere you went. You haven’t quite gotten into the routine of writing regularly, but on the occasion you do, you’ve found it to be therapeutic. This is how you’ve learnt to deal with things, with pen and paper. 

Tucking the pen between your lips, you pull out your leather bound journal and flip open to the last entry, there’s about a half page worth of writing.

Sometime in mid July.

Tommy and I just came back from a couple day trip. It was just him and I this time. We ended up coming back empty handed, not that it really matters, since we just go out for fun, to get out of the community and have some time to ourselves. Spent a lot of it hiking. It was a peaceful trip this time around, we weren't bothered by no one or came in contact with any infected (unfortunately the number of infected popping up outside of the city has been increasing as of late) Nessa said she wants to come along next time… Tommy told her she could just to make her happy, but we both know she wouldn’t be able to last a night out here without throwing some sort of tantrum. The ground is too hard, she can’t sleep because she’s scared, she’s cold, she’s hungry…. I love Nessa to death, but taking her out on a trip like this is not my definition of relaxation or fun. Tommy was telling me on the way back he wants to take an extended trip soon, it’s been awhile since he’s done one (last one was when he found me). Maria has told him no multiple times already, telling him it’s not worth the risk and that Jackson is already doing so good on its own. He sort of alluded to his want to go east. I didn’t say much, I hope he invites me along if he does end up planning something.

After glancing over the words, you flip to the next available blank page, tapping the blunt end of the pen against your chin thinking about what you should write.

—

You’ve been in the community for little over a year now. To you, it really doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. Time really does go by fast, especially when you’re living, not just surviving. Within the last year, you’ve been able to create a life, you have a few people you’d consider your friends, you have a job, and you finally feel like your life is yours. The feeling of not belonging quickly subsided after about two months in. It was like your body and mind finally caught up, realizing you didn’t always have to build your walls up so high, always having to be on the outlook for potential danger. Life feels normal. Well, as normal as you can imagine.

You somehow managed to push past your hatred toward Nessa’s group of friends. At first it was no easy feat, most of the time having to bite on your tongue, or completely remove yourself from whatever situation was causing you frustration, but eventually it got easier. You became used to how they acted, learning when to block them out. You still aren’t a huge fan of Heather, Aimee, or Drew, but it is what it is. At the end of the day, they are Nessa’s friends, and Nessa is one of the most important people in your life. You do it for her. Regardless, they can actually be a lot of fun when they aren’t shit talking the other members of the community. 

Soon the group would be referred to as the gang , Heather was the one to initiate the title, and then everyone sort of continued using it.

About once a week, all of you meet up at an old abandoned building on the far west end of the community. Most of the time a mass amount of alcohol is involved, occasionally an old stash of weed. Sometimes you all will listen to music on an old record player Drew found in the cellar, other times someone will bring a deck of cards and you’ll play card games. The nights always end the same; Heather and Aimee both shit face drunk, barely able to move and usually one of them ends up puking at some point in the night, the other gagging in response. Drew takes over as the entertainer, sometimes he will put on plays, reenacting interactions he’s had with the others, playing up the situation and making it way more dramatic than it actually was. Other times he’ll put on a concert, strumming on a three stringed guitar and singing as loud as he possibly can, making up lyrics as he goes. Nessa always ends up in a fit of laughter, her face turning red as she gasps for air.  You, being more modest with your alcohol consumption, tend to sit back and laugh amongst the others. Whatever ends up happening, it is never a dull night.

And then there’s James. 

After Joel left, when Nessa wasn’t available – whether she was busy with the others, helping with the kids at the school, or when she decided Tommy and her needed to have more alone time– James was there for you. For a while, wherever you were, James was right by your side; whether you were in a talkative mood, or just wanted to sit in silence. You’ve come to learn that he is entirely different from what he presented himself as during that first interaction at the gates. James is incredibly kind and sweet, he’s laid back and easy going— for the most part. There’s times where he can get uptight, particularly when he is on guard duty, but he believes that the rules are meant to be followed to a tee, and there's little to no excuse to break them. Which is probably why he and Joel were always at each other's necks. 

Nearly all the girls around your age swoon over James. Stopping whatever they’re doing to look at him— when he enters a room, or walking around the community minding his own business— they always turn to one another, sharing whispers and giggles. Between his looks and the way he generally acts, you can understand why. Any girl would kill to be with someone like him. He pretends he doesn’t notice, but based on the way his cheeks turn red when it happens, you know the truth. He loves the attention. 

You were able to take over Joel’s spot on border patrol with the help of James. From what you’ve heard, Maria was quite hesitant giving you that type of assignment so soon after arriving. Nessa was the one who ended up telling you, and you assume she heard it from Tommy. You don’t know what James said or did to make it happen, but whatever it was, you were grateful he was able to do that for you. 

You can still vividly remember him coming out from the main building one early morning as you and Nessa were heading toward the school; walking with large strides, practically jogging, toward you with a big smile on his face. His long hair being flared out to the sides by the wind. Welcome to the patrolling squad, missy, he shouted across the main town center, causing people to turn a look between the two of you. You shrieked in excitement, running toward him and burying your face into the side of his neck. He wrapped his arms around your waist, swinging you around in a circle. That day was the first day you felt the pure essence of happiness in a long time. The excitement of getting what you wanted was overwhelming.

Nessa never really understood your undying desire to do border patrol. She always told you that you should try and work at the school with her because it was easy and it was fun , or she suggested at the very least you should work in the infirmary. You’d just shrug her off. She wasn’t willing to understand, nor do you think she ever would be able to. 

When you first started, James accompanied you. The two of you would meet at the stables before the sun would rise, making sure you were out early before most were even awake. He took you through a few rotations; checking the fences, clearing the dam, checking the hunting sheds deep within the heavily forested areas, patrolling other parts you weren’t even aware of. He wanted to make sure you knew the proper way of doing things, always making sly remarks which were obvious digs at Joel.

 For the first few months, it was great. But you wanted to be able to do more . Nearly everyday, either on your way back to the main gates or when you’d pass the barn, all you could think about was how badly you wanted to escape and go to the outlook Joel showed you. It was a while before you were able to get back there. 

On one particularly cold and bitter winter day, James had something come up. He met you at the stables as per usual, a perturbed look plastered on his face.

“I won’t be able to go with you today,” He was straightforward. You gave him a small nod, curious as to why and also, who was going to take his place. Please don’t be Drew, please don’t be Drew… you begged in your mind. Last time Drew went with you, it turned out to be an absolute shit show, nearly leaving you stranded on the side of a mountain. “And unfortunately all the guards are busy n’ there’s no one to spare, so that means…” 

“I can go by myself,” You responded maybe a little too eagerly, knowing what this meant. You could do things on your own accord, at your own pace, you could go wherever you wanted and no one would know. James gave you a confused look as you bit down on your lip in anticipation. Never in a million years he’d agree to that, you think.

“That– you know you can’t do that… it’s– it’s not safe, what if… what if something happens. You can just join one of the other groups today and then–” He took a step forward, grabbing your wrist, the snow crunching under his shoe. You could see his breath as he let out an exasperated sigh.

“It’s just fences today, we’ve done this so many times,” You subtly pulled out of his grasp, blowing a strand of hair out of your face. James looked at the ground, slightly shaking his head. “If I can’t do something like this on my own… I probably should get a new assignment.” 

James heartedly chuckled at what you said, taking a moment to contemplate. You gave him wide, pleading eyes. Regardless of his answer, you knew you were going to go, no matter how it made him feel. A fire burned inside your belly at this unexpected opportunity. 

“You do the fences, and come right back, okay?” He finally said, you returned a giddy smile to him, pulling him into a tight hug. He returned your tight embrace, resting his hands on your lower back. “I’ll be on channel 4, if you need anything, you better reach out… and radio me when you get back.”

That day was the first time you returned to the spot, and it certainly wasn’t the last. You made sure to be up and out of your house earlier than before, accidentally leaving James behind, every morning. He asked about it the first few times it happened, you lied and told him you couldn’t wait around for him because it was imperative for you to be back at the community by midday… except you were never back by midday and he knew that. Every time he tried bringing up how you shouldn’t be going out alone, you cut him off changing the subject. After a while he stopped trying and never pushed the matter further, although you could tell that it bothered him. 

You liked to be out there by yourself. Once you step out past those gates, just you and Lucky, you felt as if you were finally able to breathe. You didn’t have to put on a false façade, you were able to just simply be.

On the off chance you didn’t feel like going out alone, you’d stop by Nessa and Tommy’s place on your way out to the stables, inviting Tommy to come along. Those days were few and far between, but Tommy was always happy to join, dropping whatever it was he was supposed to be doing to accompany you. The two of you would talk about all sorts of things; fishing, music, things from before the outbreak, mainly it was Tommy sharing more of his many stories that landed him in a deep amount of trouble. Spending that time with Tommy was therapeutic for you. He quickly became one of your closest friends, and now was like a brother to you. 

There was only one unspoken rule while you two were together. Talking about Joel was off limits.

You never really stopped thinking about Joel. As time went on, the hurt that he caused you slowly melted away, it just kind of sat dormant, always lingering and occasionally it would hit you, but you’ve learned to not let it become debilitating. He often appeared in your dreams, usually unexpectedly showing up in the dining hall, or showing up on your doorstep, or some other part of the community; the two of you would catch each other's eyes. Every time you had this dream, there was a different outcome. Some nights you were relieved to see him, other nights all you could feel for him was anger. No matter how you acted in your dream, when you woke up, a part of you deep inside was always happy to see his face again.

However, no matter how under control you may think you have it, you still look for his face in everyone you come across. You look for that comfort and calmness he brought to your soul in everyone. No one ever comes close, and you sometimes wonder if you’ll ever feel that level of contentment ever again. With more time, this feeling will fade, you always tell yourself. Just give it some more time. 

Since being here, you’ve been able to reconnect with Charles. So much has changed since the apartment building, Dottie and Henry have grown so much. Charles has sort of become like a father figure for you; always checking up on you, making sure you’re fed, your house is stocked up with extra supplies. You’ve been able to actually get to know him now that things are different. 

The two of you first bonded over a book. He caught you reading one early morning, you were sitting on the edge of the field where they grow and harvest root vegetables. The Chrysalids by John Wyndham. You found an old copy in the building that you and the rest of the gang would hang out at. That’s an interesting pick, his voice came out of nowhere, nearly scarring you to death. The cover caught my eye, you responded no louder than a whisper. The truth is, the premise of the book fascinated you, especially considering your own reality. What else have you read, he took a seat next to you. From that point, you and Charles would meet up any chance the two of you had a free moment, talking about books, which eventually took a turn and you ended up forming a close bond with him. 

Now most evenings, you spend over at his house with James. Charles, the kids, you, and James all eat dinner together, and after James helps with the kids’ homework while you and Charles go off to his den. Once the kids go to bed, James and you head out. He insists on walking you home every night, regardless of the fact that he lives on the complete opposite side of the community. You think it's a sweet gesture, but a completely unnecessary one. 

In the spring, Tommy and you started going on fishing trips, usually spending the night out in the woods. Tommy told you about all the summers he spent as a teenager with his friends out at the creeks behind his childhood home; fishing, wrestling in the mud, smoking. Then eventually Charles found out and started tagging along, apparently before the outbreak, he was an avid fisherman, just not a very good one. Once it started becoming a weekly weekend trip, James and Henry would tag along as well. But most often it was just the three of you. You started to cherish the nights you spent under the stars after it started getting too cold, something you never thought you’d end up enjoying and yearning for after all the fearful nights all by yourself. 

—

Placing the pen in the spine of the notebook to hold your place, you close it and set it off to your side on the ground. You reach for your worn out bag, sticking your hand through the half unzipped pouch and feeling around the depths. You pull out a brown paper bag, carefully unrolling the top. Today’s lunch consisted of half a sandwich, the once whole one that Nessa gave you when you stopped by yesterday morning. 

As you're unraveling the moist paper wrapping, you notice some sort of commotion brewing at the main gates. From up here you can see the area in front of the gates, as well as a good portion of the community. The large doors draw open, and about two dozen guards come out from it. Some on foot, others on horseback. You can see half of them beginning to ready their guns, drawing them from their holsters. Your mind completely forgets about your lunch, you’re no longer hungry. You strain your eyes, squinting them, desperate to figure out what's going on. Without looking away, you grab the walkie talkie from the side of your hip, turning the volume dial up. You are instantly hit with an array of voices, some cutting in on each other, sentences overlapping and cutting out. 

“ Yup, just north of the main gates,,” A clear sentence finally comes out. “The—”

It cut out again, and you hit the base of the walkie talkie with your palm. 

“Can you repeat,” A different voice responds. It must be cutting out for everyone , you think. 

“The—” They repeat, cutting out again. “Down by the dam, there‘s only one survivor.”

“Copy,”  A bit of annoyance hangs in their tone. The dam? I was just at the dam an hour-ish ago, you start thinking about when you were there, did you miss something? 

Getting up, you walk over to the edge of the cliff. You have one hand on your hip and the other is holding the radio up to your ear. 

Suddenly everything goes quiet, no one is talking. Your eyes are now locked on the ground, darting from side to side. Surely if they needed your help, they would call you in, right? You start to worry, now switching over to channel 4, the channel that James uses to communicate with all the higher ranking and more experienced guards.

After a few moments of silence, all the guards now out of view as they disappear into the tree line, you return back to the spot at the base of the boulder. Picking up the sandwich, you set the radio down between your crossed legs. You take a modest bite of your soggy sandwich, chewing slowly. You have an odd feeling in the center of your stomach, boarding nausea. 

“C–n..Som–dy” James' voice suddenly comes over the radio, nearly causing you to jump. You force the food down. He’s cutting in and out. Your breathing becomes shallow. Something feels different, you think, you can hear your heartbeat in your ears. 

Another moment of silence follows. You narrow your eyes, drawing your brows close together.

“Tommy ,” He calls out, this time much more clearly. “For fucks sake.” 

Just static.

“Can someone find Tommy , tell him to get to the front gates immediately… Maria too,” His voice is tense, urgent sounding. Your heart is beating fast. “Tell them… Tell them there's a situation.” 

“On it,” A voice promptly responds. “If they ask… what– what should I tell ‘em?”

You listen closer, there’s a long pause before James says anything.

“Tell them…” James’ voice sounds hesitant. There’s some muttering, but you cannot make out who is talking or what they’re saying. Just tell them, you hear faintly, it sounds like it could be Nora, but you can’t be sure. She’s listening right now, I kn — his voice cuts out for a few seconds— this is bullshit, James responds instantly in a hushed, harsh tone.

 “Fine, tell them Joel is back.”

read chapter twelve here!

painting divider | credit: @cottage-writings

[thezeinterviews]

yle: No normal life

In a rare interview with Yle's Hanna Visala, Olena Zelenska talks about what the war has done to her family.

Hanna Visala

A car whizzes past roadblocks, sandbags and soldiers standing guard. We stop at two checkpoints to show our identity papers and equipment.

We finally reach our destination, the Ukrainian Presidential Office. In this heavily guarded building in the heart of Kiev, we get a rare interview. Ukraine's First Lady, the wife of Volodymyr Zelensky, has agreed to be interviewed by Yle.

- I'm fine, thanks for asking, says Olena Zelenska with a smile.

The question is an important one for Olena Zelenska. Zelenska runs a mental health programme called How Are You, and she asks the question to the Ukrainians she meets every day.

- I try to ask people how they are doing as often as I can, she says.

When Russia launched a major offensive in Ukraine just over two years ago, Olena Zelenska found herself in a role she had not expected.

The renowned screenwriter, who had written the role of her actor husband's President in the popular Ukrainian TV series Servant of the People, had suddenly become the wife of the President of a country at war.

The Zelensky's were thus already partners in a previous life, then in the TV production business.

- I remember waking up the morning after the attack. I thought it was all just a bad dream until I realised it was real, a terrible reality. It was a shock for all of us, Olena Zelenska, wife of the Ukrainian President, now recalls the beginning of the war.

She says there is not a day when the war is not on her mind. At moments, she says she is still able to live almost normally.

- When I help my son with his homework or we take care of our pets. But when the air raid siren goes off, we go back to reality, Zelenska says.

Like thousands of other Ukrainians, Zelenska and her children wake up to the sound of night-time shrieks. Zelenska describes the bomb shelter used by her family as "just an ordinary basement".

When the alarm is over, Zelenska returns with her children, Oleksandra, 19, and Kyrylo, 11, to their beds to sleep.

- In the morning, I wake the children for school, and we get on with life, but the pressure of war is ever-present. Life is not normal.

This Instagram post shows how life was still normal for the family before the war.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Olena Zelenska (@olenazelenska_official)

The war has torn apart thousands of families. The Zelensky family has also been forced to live apart because of the war. For the first two months, President Zelenskyi could not see his family at all.

The family is still living apart: the mother and children with each other and the father elsewhere.

Married for more than 20 years, communication between the couple is mainly limited to phone calls, sometimes video chats. However, they can now visit each other at least occasionally. And so it was today, just before the interview.

- My husband unexpectedly came to greet me in my office. We saw each other for ten minutes, says Olena Zelenska with a smile.

Commuting together provides a momentary relief.

- Even though the trips are busy and short, it feels like we are travelling together," says Zelenska.

My son, 11, is a military expert

The Zelenskyis' children spent their childhood and adolescence in the midst of war. Oleksandra, the first-born of the multidisciplinary parents, has followed in her father's footsteps and is studying law. The former TV star and current President also studied law. Olena Zelenska is an architect by training.

Olena Zelenska says that her daughter Oleksandra is now able to meet her friends.

And how often do the children see their father? Very rarely," says Zelenska.

- Then the children take every minute of his attention. The daughter talks about her studies, asks for advice, and the son clings to him, says Zelenska.

Zelenska mourns the fact that her children and all other Ukrainian children are missing out on the precious years of their youth and childhood.

- My daughter's daily routines are related to her studies, but she has no plans for the future. It is sad for me as a mother, says Zelenska.

According to her mother, her son Kyrylo has become almost a military expert.

- He knows all the types of missiles that Russia launches at us. He can also calculate their speed, says Zelenska.

As a mother, she would love to be proud of one of her child's other skills, she says.

- I wish my son could be interested in music, art, sports and not dream of being a military assistant or an air raid warden.

Arms aid has also been on Olena Zelenska's mind lately. Russia has got the upper hand in the war, and anti-aircraft missiles are dwindling by the day.

Relief is evident on the face of Ukraine's First Lady when the talk turns to the arms aid package finally approved by the US.

- It is a huge achievement. It really gives strength and hope. I thank everyone who worked to make it happen, says Zelenska.

Although the US arms package will not solve the war, it brings hope and a message that Ukraine has not been abandoned.

- It means that it will be easier for us to withstand bombardments and protect our people.

The job of the spouse of the President of a country at war is not an easy one. The spouse must stand by the people, create hope, represent and humbly ask for help from other countries.

Zelenska says she has heard countless stories of survival and countless sad stories, too. She spends almost all of her time helping her country to survive at a time when global war fatigue is beginning to show. Where does she get her strength from?

- When I succeed in repairing what the war has shattered and ruined. When I meet people, she responds.

Children kidnapped by Russia

Zelenska considers the most horrifying phenomenon of the war to be children stolen by Russia.

The Ukrainian authorities estimate that more than 19,500 Ukrainian children have been abducted by the Russians since the war began. Entire orphanages have been emptied, according to Ukraine.

According to the UN, this is a war crime. Ukraine has so far managed to return only 380 missing children.

- Some of the children have managed to self-report, use the telephone or internet and have been able to contact NGOs that have helped them, said Zelenska.

Zelenska has met children who have escaped from Russia. They have told her how school education in Russia is propaganda. Children are being trained to be Russian.

- They are taught that Ukraine does not exist. That no one is looking for them. It is psychological brainwashing. These children's lives are being destroyed.

According to Zelenska, orphaned children can disappear completely because Russia changes the spelling of their names. Names that look the same in Ukrainian and Russian are pronounced differently.

- When a name is entered in the Russian register according to the Russian pronunciation, the child can no longer be found by name, explains Zelenska.

- We also have information that Ukrainian boys aged 18 have been forced to join the ranks of the Russian army. It is terrible.

Ukraine has formed an international alliance with Canada to repatriate Ukrainian children.

- We are trying to create mechanisms to put pressure on Russia to provide information about the children and how to get them home, says Zelenska.

We do not want to return to the Soviet Union

Zelenska remembers when Ukraine gained independence from the Soviet Union in December 1991. She was 13 years old at the time.

- I remember the referendum on independence. Almost everyone wanted it. We got freedom and looked to the future with optimism.

And now, more than 30 years later, Ukraine has to fight for that freedom. Zelenska sighs.

- We don't want to go back to the Soviet reality, where there were no rights and no freedoms.

How does Olena Zelenska believe it will all end, and where does she see herself in five years' time?

- We do not know when the suffering will end. But I believe in the victory of Ukraine because it is the right thing to happen. Because that is how things should be in a just world.

Only then, she says, will it be time for the second question.

- Then, I start dreaming about what will happen in five years.

Article

[drarrypotterrenaissance]

Everything I Ever Wanted

Twenty years after the best birthday of Harry's life, he celebrates again. For @harryjamespotterweek2023, Day 7 (Birthday, Found Family) Rated G, 325 words. Read on ao3 here Thank you so much @harryjamespotterweek for hosting such a fun event! I have really enjoyed the prompts and tropes this week, as well as having the opportunity to be creative and get into a writing/posting routine. I also appreciate every single person who has liked, commented on, or reblogged my fic this week, you all brighten my day! 💜

Harry was dreaming. The floor was dirt beneath him, and there was a storm raging outside. He felt smaller, and a young Dudley was sleeping on a sofa beside him. Vaguely, Harry realized that he already knew what would happen next; Hagrid would knock down the door right after Dudley’s watch flipped over to midnight, in three… two… one…

Bang!

Harry woke with a start. He had fallen asleep on the couch, just like every night this month, but now his house was strangely full. The grandfather clock was just chiming midnight, and there was a chorus of “Happy Birthday” surrounding him. Reaching for his glasses, Harry saw Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Weasleys all around him, joined by Luna, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Pansy, Blaise, Alicia, Angelina, and Hagrid. None of them had been there when he’d fallen asleep, but they were all there, beaming at him and cheering. And there, in their midst, emerging from the kitchen with a cake balanced in front of him, was Draco.

“Happy birthday, love,” he said, coming to join Harry on the couch and letting him look properly at the pink and green cake.

“Thank you,” Harry said, accepting his kiss somewhat dazedly. “Thank you, all of you. But what-”

Draco cut him off. “Molly made the cake, and Hagrid decorated it for you. We wanted it to be special.”

Harry looked around at the beaming faces filling his home, suddenly overwhelmed with a rush of emotions. He had spent his eleventh birthday with the family he couldn’t wait to get away from, and now, twenty years later, he was beginning his thirty-first birthday surrounded by the people he had chosen for himself.

“Make a wish,” Draco said, but when Harry blew out the candles he couldn’t think of a single thing to wish for. He was eating birthday cake at midnight surrounded by the people who loved him most, what more could he possibly need?

[denimbex1986]

'Christopher Nolan's "Oppenheimer" is nothing short of extraordinary. In what might be his magnum opus, Nolan has meticulously crafted a biopic that feels like a thriller. He's also managed to find a way to make 3 hours of people sitting in rooms talking at each other downright exciting. In an era where most movies can feel too long and bloated, Nolan shows an incredible grasp of pacing, using his ticking clock fetish to move the narrative along at near-breakneck speed. The film dumps a massive amount of information on the viewer and doesn't slow down to explain things — you'll have to keep up. And you'll want to keep up, because Nolan hooks you from the jump, unleashing whirls of color and light in the form of abstract shapes underscored by rumbling danger. It's ominous and captivating, and Nolan employs these abstract visuals throughout the film, offering us a glimpse into the mind of J. Robert Oppenheimer, the father of the atomic bomb

As played by Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer is described in many ways. He's an egotist, a womanizer, a genius. He's an aloof sphynx. A man seemingly at war with his own brilliance. Murphy stuns in the role, adopting a soft-spoken voice and bugging his big, beautiful blue eyes out of his head. Oppenheimer was said to have the most brilliant blue eyes, and that's conveyed perfectly here. You can almost get lost in those eyes. And Nolan clearly knows it, employing countless close-ups on Murphy's face as he ponders and puzzles and chain-smokes his way through life, creating wreckage along the way. He looks haunted, and as the film progresses, haunted is exactly what he becomes. Nolan hints at the darkness to come early on, when Oppenheimer is in the midst of a tryst with his young mistress, Jean Tatlock (Florence Pugh). Standing nude before him, she holds up a book and asks him to read a passage. In a quiet voice, Oppenheimer obliges: "Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds." 

Color and black and white

"Oppenheimer" introduces its protagonist in crisis mode. He's studying abroad and terribly homesick, unable to sleep, and mocked by his teacher. That mockery leads the young scientist to do the unthinkable: poison the apple sitting on the teacher's desk. It's a risky way to introduce your main character, and Nolan is immediately signaling Oppenheimer's fractured mental state — he's brilliant but tormented, as if he's constantly trying to solve some problem in his overactive mind. From here, Nolan is off to the races, jumping in and out of two distinct timelines. The main timeline, shot in color, is told entirely from Oppenheimer's point of view, giving us the story as he saw it (or as Nolan, adapting the book "American Prometheus" by Kai Bird Martin J. Sherwin, imagined he saw it). 

The second timeline, filmed in black and white, zeroes in on another character: Lewis Strauss, the former U.S. Atomic Energy Commission chairman, as he undergoes a cabinet post hearing in the 1950s. Played by Robert Downey Jr., Strauss is our window into a different view of Oppenheimer; an outsider looking in. Downey Jr., who has been too busy with Marvel stuff to appear in many other movies (except "Dolittle"), is electric in the part, trading in his usual mannerisms for a more reserved, mysterious character. We can't quite crack what Strauss is about and why the film is focusing on him so much, and that's because Nolan is playing the long game. He'll get there eventually. 

Tension

After the splitting of the atom in 1932, Oppenheimer is one of the first to realize the possibility of using this advance to create a bomb. As it turns out, the Germans have the same idea and are apparently working on a bomb of their own. When America decides to build an atomic bomb, Oppenheimer badly wants on the team. But there's a problem — Oppenheimer is a leftist and an alleged Communist (he claims he never officially joined the party, but attended meetings). That's a big no-no for the U.S. Government, even before the red scare. Enter General Leslie Groves (a fiery, funny Matt Damon), a no-nonsense military man who is willing to overlook Oppenheimer's leanings in order to make him the leader of the entire project. 

All of this unfolds quickly, with Nolan cutting around and crafting fast little montages to show the passage of time. Ludwig Göransson's constant, propulsive, scary soundtrack booms and moans under it all, while Nolan adds abstract sounds that we can only understand later — a constant motif of what sounds like a roaring train turns out to actually be the stomping of feet from an audience right before Oppenheimer gives a big speech. 

Oppenheimer assembles a team and the building of the bomb begins. The film keeps this almost playful at first, especially as it introduces one new character after another, almost all of whom are played by recognizable faces. But as the deadline increases, the tension builds. By the time Nolan gets to the testing of the bomb, I found myself on edge, bouncing my leg and biting my thumbnail as the tension builds, and builds, and builds, until the only release can be an explosion of haunting, terrifying, obliterating beauty. 

Prometheus

Building the bomb is only one part of the movie. "Oppenheimer" also tells another story — the story of a man willing to allow himself to be pilloried. Like Jake LaMotta in "Raging Bull," Oppenheimer is stepping into a ring of sorts and allowing himself to be pummeled. Why? Because he thinks he deserves it. The aftermath of the bomb begins to horrify him, altering his perception and leading to his voicing his concerns about the future of weapons. This raises the eyebrows of the U.S. Government, and Oppenheimer finds himself under attack. His wife Katherine (a sadly underused Emily Blunt) urges her husband to push back, but he doesn't. He seemingly can't.

Who is Robert Oppenheimer? Nolan isn't interested in painting the man as a simple sinner or saint. The two timelines instead result in a far more complex, almost impenetrable character. We can root for him while also being resentful of some of his actions. Again: this is risky, but Nolan and Murphy make it work like gangbusters. Nolan's writing is good here, but it's Murphy's delicate, dedicated performance that really sells it all. He says a million words with only a glance. When he looks out at the world, his huge eyes seem sad, lonely, and also fixed on something we can't quite see. It's also telling that Nolan opens the film with a bit of text on screen about the story of Prometheus: Prometheus stole fire from the gods, and for his actions, he was chained to a rock for eternity.

Big yet intimate

Shot huge in IMAX, "Oppenheimer" feels massive. And yet it's also an intimate affair, full of scene after scene of men sitting in quiet rooms having loud conversations. We feel like flies on the wall, eavesdropping on history, waiting to see how the predestined situation plays out. We have an idea of where all of this is going, but we're captivated all the same, enamored with Nolan's narrative and Hoyte van Hoytema's frequently jaw-dropping cinematography — the bomb test scene is an all-timer, shot like a downright biblical event.

"Oppenheimer" is a huge, thrilling, scary experience. There are touches of lightness — it's not all misery, I promise. But what makes the movie sing is the way it drops a ton of information on us in such a succinct, exciting way. We hang on every word; we marvel at every shot. It's not just a movie, it's a spectacle. A film that asks tough questions and then dares to not give us any easy answers. Like Oppenheimer himself, it's a conflicting movie with an unknowable core. It's also one of the best movies of the year.

/Film Rating: 9.5 out of 10'

[newlyy]

.

When I saw that post a few days ago about “does your family have a curse” I was immediately like yeah, my dads side has mental illness. My dads brother (Uncle T) hasn’t really ever held a job. He lives alone in a very big very old house. He doesn’t talk to much of anyone. He doesn’t have a lot of money. He married my aunt (Aunt K, the woman I was close-ish to, who sent me postcards regularly), but they divorced decades ago and my parents always said that she divorced him not because she no longer loved him, but because he was a liability she couldn’t take on. So my aunt and uncle stayed very close, neither ever remarried or had kids, they saw each other regularly. She was the only person he saw, really. And then in December of last year, she committed suicide. And to simplify a more complex situation, she left him in a financial bind based on her not properly drafting a provision of her will that would have provided him something and therefore the provision being disregarded. So he lost his only friend, the woman he still loved, and now is probably going to lose the house he’s lived in—that he lived in with her—for decades. I saw him today for the first time since I was a kid and he just breaks your heart, really. He’s very down, he’s in a bad place mentally and financially. He’s slightly odd, just socially, I think he’s been alone for too long. He’s earnest, he’s not trying to guilt trip anyone, he’s just being honest. But he kept talking about how Aunt K was his only friend, how seeing her gave him something to look forward to. He blames himself for her death, says that she was determined towards the end, but maybe there had been a time a year or two before, when she started to get into a funk, that he could have done more, as he said, held her hand, been there all the time, like a husband.

He showed my mom and me old photos of her, old photos of everyone in our family, really, and old postcards she had sent him (I have my own pile of postcards she’d sent me). you can tell how lonely he is, he would’ve talked for hours if we’d let him. And that’s another thing that makes him come off as “odd;” he just talks and talks and talks when most people would say “sorry, I’ve been yapping your ear off” and he kind of knows that, he kept saying sorry I just don’t have anyone to talk to, but he couldn’t help himself, he just kept talking about everything and anything. It made me want to cry talking to him today. You should see the house he lives in, it’s gorgeous. A very old very beautiful house and so many rooms with all of this antique, beautiful furniture that are mostly unused and then, in the midst of this beautiful house, he has a room upstairs where he sleeps on an old couch, despite having I think at least four queen size beds in his house. He’s an eccentric character, but he’s just sad. I know he views his life as a waste and I hate that. I want to help him, but I really can’t. And part of my feelings about him are that he reminds me so much of my dad. He lives a block away from my apartment and he said he would come over to say hello and, again, bear in mind that I hadn’t seen this man since I was young, and I just saw a guy walking outside and I knew from the way he walked that he was related to my dad. I never thought of my dad having a signature walk, but there it was on this man I couldn’t even make out. He looks like my dad, too, but an alternative universe version, a version that didn’t have my mom or his children to help him. And that makes me so sad. My desire to save him is the desire to save my dad. I know my dad and I know my brother and I know me and I know that part of ourselves that we all have that, if we don’t push back against it, if we don’t have someone to help us out of it, leads us to just freeze. To start doing the bare minimum of living. I recognize that in my uncle. And he also reminds me of my brother, who is also somewhat antisocial and unemployed and aimless. I look at uncle T and I worry that I’m looking at my future brother and I don’t want my brother to rot in an old house, surrounded by my parents’ old furniture when they die. It’s nice to go back to my dads hometown and see these relatives again, but I’m also feeling a weight and today made me so sad.

Went to take some more boxes up to my new apartment and met with my family that lives up there again, including my uncle this time, who’s the ex-husband of my aunt, the one who recently killed herself. Lots of feelings around that and around family history and family “curses,” and I want to write more about it later but I’m just processing.

[yungchaeng]

Roommates (Twice series: Chaeyoung)

III: Grass genre: fluff - word count: 3414 content warning: detailed marijuana use in the latter half of the chapter

chaeyo.0: cool shirt, new hair, same me

Chaeyoung had posted a photo you took of her during lunch, showing her new hair-do. Finally, you found out about her online presence when she asked you for your account in order to tag you in the photo.

Her Instagram was…interesting. It was quite cool and alternative. It emphasized her love for art with some posts of her own works, or pieces she admired. There was the occasional mirror selfie, but also a bunch of random pictures of her like one where she stared off into the distance with a strawberry in her mouth.

Yes, it was odd. But you couldn’t help but smile at her feed. It represented her very well. And you grinned at the thought that you now had a place on her feed as well.

In the midst of your fawning over your roommate and her Instagram profile, you locked eyes with a random guy on the other side of the library that was probably wondering what was making you smile like an idiot by yourself. You shot him an awkward tight-lipped smile and quickly buried your head back into your book in embarrassment.

You were supposed to be studying for multiple exams and writing essays which was why you were in the library in the first place. However, concentration didn’t come easy as your mind kept wandering to a specific place, a specific person.

You and Chaeyoung were cool. Whenever you both were home, it was comfortable and never really awkward which you were glad about. You hung out and there was always a light-hearted vibe which you liked, but it was always short-lived as she always seemed to be going somewhere. Sometimes she was already gone by the time you woke up and sleeping when you came back from the library.

Although you two didn’t spend as much time together as you were hoping you could, she did have her ways to occupy your mind during the day. Some days she’d randomly send you artworks, clothes she saw on Pinterest that reminded her of ‘your style’ and most days you’d be flipping through your notebook in class and she’d left a little doodle on the corner of a page, probably when you left it open on your desk.

But you didn’t mind thinking about her this much. In fact, you liked it – a little too much.

Seemingly out of your control, your hand wandered back over to your phone that was still open on your roommate’s Instagram page.

“Hey there,” a voice sounded out, saving you from the rabbit hole you were bound to fall in again looking at Chaeyoung’s Instagram.

Nayeon plopped down on the seat next to you with her own roommate sitting next to her. You had grown close to both Nayeon and Jeongyeon over the past few weeks. As they have been at the college longer than you they could help you out and their chaotic dynamic together was always entertaining to you, so you were at their place quite often.

“How’s studying going? Or should I ask how insta-stalking your roomie is going?” Nayeon asked.

“Oh my god, I wasn’t insta-stalking.” You blushed under Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s knowing smirks. “She tagged me in a post, so I wanted to like it…”

“A post of 138 weeks ago?” Jeongyeon quipped, gesturing to the particular post that was open on your screen.

“Ah, shut up.” You pleaded, defeated. Maybe if you lay face down on the table for long enough they would go away?

“What are we talking about?” The voice of your classmate and friend Jihyo chimed in, chirpy as always. She joined the table with another one of your classmates, Momo, completing the small group of people you usually hung out with.

“Someone here has a little crush on their roommate.” Nayeon sing-songed, nudging you in the process.

“Jeongyeon?” Momo asked, genuinely confused.

“Ew, no.” The said girl grimaced teasingly.

“Whatever, I’m out of your league anyway.” Nayeon shrugged and stuck her tongue out at Jeongyeon. “But no, I’m talking about this one here.” She pointed to you.

“Ah, is that the one that make little love drawings for you during class?” Jihyo teased.

“Oh my god, love drawings? You don’t tell me anything, do you?” Nayeon feigned offense and slapped your arm.

“Ship.” Momo simply stated while rummaging through her bag for something to eat.

“I’m your mentor, you know? I should be helping you through these moments in life.” Nayeon went on.

“You’re my mentor. Not my mom.”

“Mom, older sister, mentor, same difference.” The older girl shrugged. “But tell me all about this Chaeyoung!”

And so you did. You firmly stood your ground that you weren’t crushing on the girl. However, seeing your friend’s smirk as you told them about her interests, habits, cute gestures and whatever else you rambled about, you knew they weren’t believing that for a second. Honestly, you slowly were coming to terms with it yourself.

The girl’s teased you relentlessly over your soft spot for the girl, but didn’t seem to know her in the way you did as they said they wouldn’t expect you to be into such a ‘rebel type of girl’.

You understood that she seemed that way though. The tattoos, her slight introvertedness and a slight air of mysteriousness that followed her would make it logical that she would be some sort of hard-ass. However, you knew that that idea disappeared when she smiled at you.

No rebel without a cause could have a smile as sweet as hers. Impossible.

“Okay,” you sighed. “Maybe I do have a bit of a crush on her then.” The table was silent, your friends simply giving you a look.

“Anyone surprised?” Momo broke the silence followed by a string of laughs and shaking of the heads of your other friends.

After what seemed like ages of teasing you, you and your friends all got back to studying. You were surprised at how much faster it was to do your schoolwork with them – it was probably more efficient anyway since you couldn’t distract yourself thinking about Chaeyoung without getting called out for it. Before you knew it, you were done typing up your last essay and were packing your bag to go home.

And boy, you couldn’t wait to get home. You had been fantasizing about diving into your bed as soon as you got back all day and that was exactly what you did when you walked through the door. You groaned into your pillow, releasing all the pent-up stress from being busy with schoolwork for so long.

Much to your surprise, Chaeyoung walked through the front door and paused at the sight of you. It seemed like neither of you expected the other home at this time, but it was a pleasant surprise.

“Hey?” she said, a look of amusement on her face. “You’re back so early.”

“Yeah,” a sigh escaped your lips as you looked at her. “I’m finally done with all the deadlines, which is good…but now I just hope I did well.”

“Aw,” she cooed. “Don’t worry. You worked so hard, so it’s definitely going to be okay.” Your roommate moved over to her own bed and lied down, looking over at you with care in her eyes. “Are you stressed?”

“Yeah, a bit I guess…”

She simply hummed in response and thought for a second. “I think I might know something that could calm you down?” Chaeyoung bit her lip and in a split second she walked over to her desk and rummaged through the top drawer. You watched her pull out a little plastic bag from it, with something inside that you couldn’t quite make out yet. When she sat next to you on your bed you realised.

“Chaeyoung, is that…” you lowered your voice to a whisper and scanned the room as if you two weren’t the only two in it, “marijuana?”

Your roommate chuckled at your antics, “Yeah, it is.”

You fixated on the green bud in the plastic bag. “Is that even allowed in here?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged with a mischievous smile, “probably not, but no one is here to stop us, right?” She had a point and you thought for a second. “But please,” Chaeyoung locked eyes with you as she went on. “No pressure, alright? It’s just a suggestion, okay?”

Maybe it was her genuine expression, the residual stress you still felt from school or simply just your curiosity, but you decided. “Okay, fuck it. Let’s do it.”

“Cool,” she simply said with a smile.

You watched her as she walked over to the kitchen table and took out some stuff from a little bag next to her bed and took the bud from it’s plastic bag. You weren’t sure what exactly she was doing but she seemed like such an expert at doing it. Before you knew it, the little bud had been rolled into a joint and you looked on fascinated.

You didn’t realize you were biting your lip watching her lick the paper as the last step until her eyes met yours when doing it. It was the quickest you have ever looked away from anything, but you still managed to catch her smirk at you. You awkwardly cleared your throat as you felt yourself blushing.

Chaeyoung had moved your desk chairs over to the open window and you sat down next to her. “Have you ever smoked before?” she asked. You shook your head and rubbed your arm. “Do you know how to?” When you shook your head once again, she smiled. “Okay, that’s fine. I know a way that might be chill for you.”

She explained that there was a way for you to smoke by her inhaling it first and transferring it over to you in some kind of way. You had no clue what she was talking about, but trusted her when she told you “Just inhale when I guide you to, okay?” Chaeyoung got up from her chair and stood in front of you. She cupped her hand to shield from the wind as she struck her lighter.

As she was so focused on that, you took the chance to look at her. She wore sweatpants and a cropped t-shirt, stained with what was probably paint or ink of some sort. You couldn’t help but check her out. Her hair in somewhat of a messy bun, cheeks rosy from the cold wind on her, her clothes showing off her mid-riff and soft tummy…

As if she could read your mind and your deepest desire, she came closer to you. Chaeyoung lowered herself to face you by going on her knees in front of you and placed her hands on your thighs. Your breath hitched as she leaned into you and she softly tapped you. Taking that as the said signal, you closed your eyes and tentatively inhaled the smoke coming from her parted lips.

When you opened your eyes they met the worrying eyes of your roommate. “Are you alright?”

You nodded. The feeling of smoke in your lungs was definitely something you had to get used to. Then it was as if everything hit you all at once. Chaeyoung’s hands still on your thighs, her scent, her face only inches away from yours, her presence, her lips. Everything. “Wow. Yeah, but wow.”

Chaeyoung only laughed and the sound and it sounded like music in your ears. Chaeyoung helped you the same way a few more times and a combination of the weed and her proximity to you made you feel lightheaded in an odd, but good way. You rest your back in your chair, letting the pleasant wave of euphoria wash over you.

“Relax, okay?” she instructed and sat back down in her own chair. “and let me know if you need anything.”

You pouted and held your tongue. What you wanted was for her to come closer again, but that would be silly to say, right?

“Tell me about your day.” She said, taking a hit for herself. In your mind her eyes bore right through you. You don’t know if it was just the weed, but it felt like the first time you truly had someone’s full attention in order to talk about something as mundane as your day.

So you did as told. Told her about your school assignments, procrastinating in the library and your friends joining you (you skipped over them teasing you ofcourse). You even rambled on about the smallest detail, until you saw her smiling to herself. “Oh my god, should I stop talking?”

“No, don’t.” she reassured and leaned her back against the wall, eyes closed. “Your voice is very soothing.”

You internally thanked the gods for her eyes being closed so she couldn’t see you blush. “It feels like I’ve been talking for hours…”

Chaeyoung took her phone out and chuckles slightly. “Yeah, that’s the weed.” She said and showed you on her screen that only five minutes had passed. “And even if you were, I wouldn’t mind.”

Honestly, you wouldn’t mind talking to Chaeyoung for hours either. The idea of having a moment like this with her last for so long actually brought a giddy smile to your face, one that you didn’t even mind hiding.

“You know, for someone who’s kind of quiet you have a good way with words.” You remarked earning a giggle from your roommate.

Chaeyoung giggled “Thanks, I guess?”

“Anyway, the floor is yours. Talk to me.” You slouched down in your seat and closed your eyes, awaiting her voice to fill the room.

She talked about her day with a smile, describing how she went to an art studio with some friends to paint and listen to music together.

“Is that where you always are?” you cocked your head to the side, “You’re not actually here very much.”

“Aw, did you miss me?” she teased. You held your tongue as you felt yet another blush coming on. Due to the embarrassment you felt of her being kind of right, you only managed to playfully roll your eyes at her. “Yeah, I guess. Either there or in the library or something.” She went on (thankfully). “I noticed you were heavy on all your school work for the past week or so, so I didn’t want to, like, distract you or anything.”

You paused for a beat. You wanted to tell her that there was no problem and that she wasn’t distracting you at all, but from the few times that you actually did study when she was home, you knew that you would be a lie. After reading every other word, your mind drifted to her and what she could be thinking or doing on the other side of the room. You couldn’t help but glance at her every now and then and admire her.

When you thought she wasn’t looking, you peeked at her. Looked at her reacting to videos on her phone and smiled at the way her eyebrows furrowed then or happily sighed at the sound of her soft giggles. Or when she was furiously typing away on her laptop you yearned to ask what she was doing, just to hear her voice fill the room again.

Had she noticed that? Is that why she left? Was it weird? Is that why she kept leaving? Were you being weird right now?

Omg, say  s  o  m  e  t  h  i  n  g  

“Oh,” you simply let out.

The other girl burst out laughing and you weren’t sure why. She held onto her stomach and actually folded over in laughter. And for some reason, you couldn’t help but laugh with her. After you both laughed for what seemed like ages she wiped happy tears brimming at her eyes. “You were thinking for so long, and you had the shortest reaction.”

“I think my brain might have just glitched,” you chuckled.

“No worries.” the other girl smiled. “Anyway, you should come with me to the art studio sometime. It’s really pretty, plus I think my friends would really like you too.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You smiled.

The two of you talked longer, every minute felt like an hour and you enjoyed all of it. You learned so much more about Chaeyoung. You watched with adoration as she described the intricacies of “Girl” by The Internet and explained to you why it was her favourite song at the moment. You admired her as she went on and on about Justin Bieber, trying (and failing) to hide her inner Belieber. You smiled as she told you about a new spider tattoo she planned on getting on her hand and you laughed at how she cringed when telling you about her first kiss.

You were enthralled by her. Captivated.

“I could go for some food, how about you?” she randomly spoke up, breaking a small silence that had fell. She stood up and walked towards the kitchen area.

“You read my mind.” You muttered as you shuffled behind her.

“Good,” she chuckled. “I got some Ramyeon.” she smiled bright and held the noodle packs next to her head.

“Ah, it’s my favourite flavour as well!” you exclaimed.

“I know, I noticed you preferred it over the others. So I buy mostly this one now.” Your roommate casually said as she prepared the food. “You’re right. It’s really good.”

“Oh my god, Chaeyoung. You’re such a sweetheart.” You let out, admiring your roommate. She laughed at your remark and you went on, “I can’t believe I was intimidated by you at the start?”

The other girl burst out into laughter when you spoke, “Ah, you make my day. Me? Intimidating?” she put her hand against her chest and raised an eyebrow, acting offended. However, she quickly composed herself and turned the amused look on her face into the most adorable wannabe gangster one you have ever seen. “I mean, yeah, as you should.” She cutely quipped.

“Shut up, chae.” You slapped your roommate’s shoulder. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

When the food was ready you ate, going on and on about how this was the best Ramyeon you had both ever tasted – although that was probably just due to the munchies. Both of you were sitting on your roommate’s bed, still talking while tiredness was slowly taking over. Your voices had gotten lower and you had somehow, someway slowly found comfort being close to each other. Chaeyoung sat up against her bed frame and you rested your head against her shoulder. From this position, a seemingly permanent smile was plastered on your face as you got lost in her eyes.  

You were taking turns asking each other random questions, being stubborn and trying to avoid falling asleep. “what is your ideal date?” she had asked you. It was a good question. Not one you had really thought about before.

“I don’t really know actually,” you admitted. “Having a bite to eat with them would definitely be on the list. Maybe also do something cool before or after? Like visit a concert, or an aquarium or something – I don’t know. I also enjoy the arcade. I always used to go on my birthday when I was younger.”

“That sounds fun.” Chaeyoung said. You could hear it in her voice, she was tired too. “When is it actually, your birthday?”

“Saturday.” You said, mindlessly snuggling up closer to your roommate.

“What? So soon?” the other girl said, slightly taken aback. “were you going to tell me this?” she jokingly quipped.

“ah, no big deal.” You replied through a yawn.

You didn’t know if it was an after effect of the weed or the comfort you felt laying on Chaeyoung’s shoulder, but it felt like you had never been as tired as you were at that moment. However, stubborn as you were, you didn’t want the night to end.

“I disagree.” The other girl muttered under her breath. She looked down and chuckled at you fighting your natural urge to close your eyes. “You’re tired.”

“I’m good.” You tried.

Your roommate swung her arm over you, pulling you closer into a more comfortable position. “uhm,” she started tentatively. “you’re welcome to stay with me tonight…I mean, if you want.”

You melted in the comfort of her grip, and through the tiredness you managed to smile at her. “yeah, I’d like that.”

And just like that, you closed your eyes and another day was gone.

[jaysflix]

The Killing Moon

Hello! So sorry for the late post, but I've been all over the place with scrapping other writings and work, I couldn't find the time to write something I liked. Howeverrr, I wanted to post something today to celebrate this lovely holiday, so here is some Dracopia x Reader :)

Genre: Romance, angst

Summary: You noticed something off about the bushes, and felt someone staring back

Pairing: Dracopia / Reader

Warnings: death/mentions of death, blood

Words: 1,685

Other Notes: This was heavily inspired by Echo & the Bunnymen's song. I really recommend! Also apologies in advance for misspellings and repetition of words, I was rushing and didn't proofread!

･ﾟ:*𖤐*:･ﾟ

It was only after midnight when he saw you clearly in the midst of the garden. You sat, dressed in white, singing a quiet song of prayer while sleep abandoned you. The gargoyles stared into nothingness as they enjoyed your tune. At this specific time, when the air was crisp and the sky was clear, he sat among them—not listening but staring deep into your skin. He’d think about where he wanted to feast on first: your neck, perhaps? No, it was too obvious. Maybe your shoulder, or would you enjoy that too much?

He was a perfectionist, living in his head of imagination to make sure his plan would go accordingly: 

The kill would be painfully slow so he could cherish the moment your eyes became lifeless and your body went limp in his arms. Almost a romantic scene, he thought.  But first, he wanted to see you writhe underneath his touch. He’d control you. Corrupt you. Taint your blood.

The moon was big and bright with a gleaming red shade at its full potential. There, you sat. Here, beneath a cloak of thorns, he stared hungrily and waited patiently as you continued your nightly routine. How could I approach this, he wondered. All the nights spent staring at your ghostly figure were wasted due to his incomplete arrangements. Perhaps he ought to tempt you.

You sensed him before yet said nothing. To any sane person, his eye would’ve been alarming, but curiosity took hold before any hint of fear. At first, you were certain it was a critter until it never made a move. This recurring encounter convinced you that it was indeed a human species of sorts with a shy nature. You knew animals well and didn’t seek them out until it was comfortable with your presence. Then, when the time was right, it would come to you, and a reward shall be granted. But weeks of coming out to pray in the night proved to be useless, so tonight you decided to slowly approach it without causing a fright. 

Ending prayer, a silent breath whistled from your nostrils. If this encounter meant an escape from everlasting conformity, God had sent an angel.

Copia’s head could not find silence once you’d stood, straying across the garden. Though he sees you clearly from the bench, the beauty positioned in front of the thicket left him stunned. You were clearer now. His fingers twitched, out of fear or hunger, he didn’t know. There was no heartbeat strong enough to determine how he felt, but a pit in his stomach grew in fractions. This wasn’t his plan.

An eye pierced through yours. No ounce of fear controlled you. Only interest.

“Hello,” A gloved hand quickly slapped his mouth and covered his nose. Your sweet chastity was filling his senses too quickly for him to resist, but he still made an effort. He didn't utter a sound, hoping you would just walk away and never come back. 

You began again, “Why must you hide in the bushes?”

No, why must he feel this way? Why must you be such a guiltless sight before him? Any creature would be graced with your company, but here you were, appearing as prey in front of a predator. He couldn’t contain the slick that filled his mouth, over his lips. 

Between the spaces the leaves would allow you to look through, his clothing blended with the dark shadows, except for the silver lining of a brooch on his chest that seemed to call to you. Trailing the rest of his fabric, up to his shoulders, you noticed a black cloth draped nicely with a maroon interior. 

Smiling small, you continued in hopes of getting a word in return. “You wear a beautiful cloak. Are you cold?”

A small crack of a twig's spine indicated his escape. He could not bear to listen to your sweet voice for longer and realized now why the sculptures loved to stay. How he was starving for you. It’d shaken him too much, and now that you’ve seen him, he had no choice. If anyone were to find out about his existence…

Oh, but you, such a pure innocence. Even a creature as cruel as he could not muster the strength to sink his teeth into your flesh.

“Please don’t run!” Shock gushed through him as you opened a passage to see him fully. Though the moon could not capture him in the light, you saw all you needed to see. “Demon.” You blurted. Copia sank to his knees, 

“No!” He attempted to shield himself from the wicked gaze of the audience. The gray frowned upon reveal, he mistook the howl of wind for their judgment. “I won’t hear it!”

Now you stood in horror, regretting your tongue. You came in closer, hesitant to ease him in such a state. You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling a strong grip on your thighs. 

Copia’s gloved fingers desperately clawed at the hem of your nightgown, staining the white with black smudges from his paint. His face planted in your legs, like a child finding comfort, shying away from the world. You didn’t stop it, stroking his peppery hair which illuminated in the moonlight.

He could smell you even stronger in this position. Though he was starving, he couldn’t help the invisible tears that stung his eyes. He hadn’t felt anyone else in so long, Copia was afraid if he moved that you’d leave him to freeze.

Kneeling to his level, your hands moved from his hair to his cheeks, lifting him to look at his eye. The coldness of his skin sent shivers down your spine. His lips parted slightly, uncovering the sharp tip of his canines. You could see him scanning your face, trying to read what you were feeling. He softened at your words,

“You are not what I was told a demon to be. No, you are lovely.” 

If only he wasn’t a demon. Then, what would you have thought of him? To be in this body, dead but alive, was a curse. Anger was all he knew from the moment he rose from his grave. Until he’d met you, the true beauty of an angel from a being he never believed in. No amount of evil ever laced your words.

He knew that if he leaned in now, he would be selfish and never let you go. Something incoherent he whispered, looking directly at the floor to avoid your skin. You hummed in question, 

“Leave me.” He repeated sternly before rising to his feet with you mirroring him. He turned his face away, showing no sign of emotion despite him missing the warmth of your fingertips. 

There was no room in his cold heart for you. Hatred, hunger, and fear controlled him. Love will never be a feeling he longed to feel ever again. He never wanted this life. He’d only wanted to fulfill his righteous duties. Now he roams the grounds of a deity, the one whom he spent his life defying only to fall for one of his many children.

Copia’s internal struggle became evident in your eyes, seeing clearly thanks to his angle. Like a raccoon, black paint smudged heavily around his eyes, and some on his top lip. It was unique, almost mesmerizing. You caught his face again, forcing him to look at you directly,

“I won’t.” Without warning you could feel the cold wetness on his gloves around your neck, blocking your airway. You didn’t have time to gasp, however, he could see the expression of surprise. You’d tipped him over to the edge, his hunger lingering on his tongue. He couldn’t control it. No matter how hard he tried to restrain himself, he needed to feast on your flesh.

Barely a scream made it out of your throat once his teeth penetrated your skin. The feeling burned deep into your veins, like venom.

To him, you were his venom, intoxicating whatever streamed through his body. He was almost drunk on you, losing himself to the amount of blood he consumed. 

The fabric was loose on him, showing how thin and starved he really was. Bones sharply moved against your body as he shied closer to get a good gulp, his fingers loosening so you could breathe. You shuddered a satisfied gasp, your vision getting blurry as your eyes began to develop hot tears. 

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but somehow you felt gratitude. You were happy to be serving him, a dark beast because it was different from what you were used to. You were tired of devoting yourself to someone of hypocrisy and being around people with so much hatred. Tonight, you’re more than willing to submit yourself to this beautiful creature of the night.

Again, you found your fingers softly intertwined in his hair, encouraging him to take more. He let go, shaking his head,

“Forgive me, topino.” He heard you let out a breathy laugh. He felt horrible for the action, scooping your frail body and laying you down on his lap for more comfort. One arm held your back, hoisting you up so your head rested against his shoulder. You reached for him again, no longer seething at his cold touch, welcoming it instead.

“It’s alright.” You whispered, brushing the stray strands of hair from his face, smiling, “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve seen.”

He didn’t respond, simply startled at the compliment he’s never received before. Even with his betrayal, you still remained such a kind soul. Like a soft rose, blossoming deep within his core. There was something fuzzy about it, yet there were no thorns along the growing vines. Nothing harmed him inside. He’d felt a warmth he longed to feel again. Yes, no evil could ever take your gentleness. 

This emotion was vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. The words lingered in his mind before you ran cold, hand dropping down to his shoulder loosely. And as he saw the color drain from your lively eyes, he declared that the feeling was in fact, love.

[anlian-aishang]

I AM HOPPPPPPPPING ALONG, I SAW REQUESTS OPEN--

Okokokokok. May I have a oneshot in canonverse with Levi and reader - already in a relationship - where after an expedition the reader is struggling a lot. Like with low mood, anxiety or nightmares, and Levi is there to provide TLC? In his usual Levi way? Like with tea, soft physical gestures and-- just levi being soft in private with reader after an expedition?

no pressure !!!!! you know how much i love your oneshots! !!!!

Thank you so much for the request, @peace-for-levi! For more caretaking fluff, I have written some similar pieces here, here, and here ^^ I hope you enjoy ~ <3

Word count: 1500 Tags: levi x reader, sfw, canonverse, angst turned fluff, hurt-comfort, levi calls reader “princess”

Everyone had their own reactions to expeditions. Eren, of course, was angry as always. Mikasa would pine after him until he shooed her away, when she would then hole up in her room - knees hugged to her chest. Erwin was quick to head to the books, taking inventory of all that was lost, distracting him from the overwhelming guilt of overseeing it all. Hange buried themselves in their lab work, certain that if they could just make a breakthrough, they could prevent future tragedies. Everyone had their coping mechanisms. For the Scouts, they were as key to survival as any long-range formations or ODM maneuvers.

Still, all others believed that Levi remained immune to it all, that his prior upbringing in the underground had hardened him to the point of solidity. He had even volunteered himself and his squad to take on the most difficult task: alerting the families of those lost. His comrades took note that on those trying visits, he never once cried. He never cried. 

Until you had started a relationship with him, you also bought into that assumption, but only when you started spending your nights in his bed did you see how deeply he was affected by tragedy. He never wanted to talk things out, but he would smoke a cigarette out his bedroom window. He never wanted to go for a run, but he would stay up and active - tossing and turning all night. On especially trying missions, the insomniac would be knocked out for entire stretches of days. Even though the failures kept him up at night, his body would take over, forcing him to sleep - building back those muscles and regaining the energy he had exhausted beyond the walls.

Tonight, unfortunately for you, was one of those nights.

You were selfless beyond belief. Too selfless for your own good, as Levi put it. Though, for as much as he encouraged you to look after yourself, that selflessness was what caught his attention and ultimately snared your partner. You loved Levi. You admired his leadership. However, you still stayed stubborn in your ways: refusing to ask for help even from the man who loved you more than life. 

Off the brink of post-expedition nightmares - the titans, the screams, the terror - you were still quick to quell your instinctual need for safety. In the midst of reaching out to his figure, consideration stopped your movements. Moonlight on Levi’s skin revealed him to look so at peace. The even rise and fall of his breaths validated his calm. Survivor’s guilt, the bloodshed you had seen, were already weighing on you. If you were to wake Levi up from the first good sleep he had gotten all year, you were not sure you could bear it.

Such was what brought you here: in his living area, curled up on his recliner, bundled beneath a blanket and into a ball. Tears fell down your face, but your sobs were thwarted. The distant howls of wolves and winds were louder than any sound you made here. You were quiet on the outside, screaming on the inside. You had walked away from your comfort, but were yearning to rejoin him. If anyone were to come and ask if you were alright, you would vehemently nod even though the answer was no.

Back in the bedroom, Levi was also awake. Apparently you thought that deserting him would be the best for his rest, but the opposite was true. As soon as you departed, he could feel it. The mattress became uneven. The sheets lost their taut. Warmth had left his side, leaving him cold, empty, shivering - everything but content. 

You jumped at his shadow, squealed at his approaching footsteps. Of course, Levi noticed your reaction, and of course, it pained him. He took a deep breath, a shaky exhale you could hear, and took solace knowing he would make you feel better soon.

“Levi?” You leaned forward in the rocker, wooden creaks a complement to your anxious tone, “You’re awake?”

Levi continued his approach. Silver eyes shone down to you in pity. His palm pet your head, smoothing the tangles flat. His low voice cascaded, “Can’t sleep when you’re like this.”

“Oh, I…” you swallowed, “I’m sor-”

“No.” Levi put his hand atop yours, fingers curled around your wrist, keeping you sound in his hold, “Don’t be.”

At his command, your eyes rose to meet his eye contact. Not angry, just concerned. Tired, but not of you. Bruises ravaged his body. Cold sweat caked his bangs. Yet still, you caught a spark of alert and adrenaline - anticipating the opportunity to aid your ailments. Levi squeezed your hand tighter, “Can I make you something?” Leaning down just a bit, “A midnight snack? Some tea?”

“... Chamomile?”

A slight smile, “Chamomile.”

Levi gave another lingering pet, temporarily leaving your side, but not before reassuring you, “I’ll be right back.” The kitchen was just a handful of paces away. From there, you heard the drag of his drawer, the jostle of a box, and the strike of a match. Levi lit a candle for light, the stove for heat. 

You closed your eyes, leaned back, and oscillated in your chair. Back and forth. Back and forth. Levi opened his cabinets, stepped on his tip toes, and unscrewed the canister to his most valued tea. To him, this was the least he could do. To you, he was moving mountains.

A rustic squeak, Levi started his faucet, filling the pot just an inch beneath the brim. A metal clang, resting it atop the flame. Only steam, no boil, Levi propped his head in his hand, his hand on the counter, “You know, I’ve been thinking…” a silent yawn, “maybe we should take some personal days.”

“Personal days?”

“Exactly.” He blinked, “That’s why we should use them.”

You giggled, What a cutie. Folding your hands together, “But where would we go?”

The kettle was just about to scream, Levi snatched it before it could, “Doesn’t matter,” he tipped the lid back and poured the water into two ceramic mugs, “just somewhere away from here.” Levi lifted his attention from the drinks to you. A wink so swift, you wondered if it was real or imagined, “You’ve earned it.”

Somehow, after your many years together, he still managed to make your heart race. Breathless, you reciprocated his affection, “You too, Captain.”

Whenever you whipped out his pet name, it always turned his ears red. Levi flicked his head to the side, letting his locks cover them. “Don’t tell me, after all this time, you’re just a kiss-ass subordinate?”

You tossed your hands in the air, palms open to him, “Guilty.” Instead of easing up, you doubled-down. Biting your lip, batting your eyelashes, “Besides, isn’t Captain Levi too important to go on vacation?”

A flicker in his eyes, “I’m sure Erwin and Hange can handle.” Levi used his muted, joking tone, “Maybe they can put the hot-head in the dungeon again, stick the other Ackerman down there to supervise, I bet she’d do a great job.”

Levi extinguished the stove and carried over the candlelit lantern. Two cups of tea - one sweetened, one unsweetened - both steaming hot, Levi balanced them on his trek back to you. “Two hands,” he warned, “it’s hot.”

You grinned wide, teeth shining. That smile of yours, Levi thought, he could tell this was working. “Hot like my boyfriend.”

Levi rolled his eyes and scoffed, but in its wake, you swore you caught a smirk, “You really are just a kiss-ass.”

Levi joined you on the chair. He sat upright, reclined. You rested atop him, legs slung over the armrest, arms hugged around his neck. Silently, the two of you sipped your tea. Words reserved, but sentiments spoken. Sturdy, he was here for you. Wrapped, you were tied to him. Levi had your happiness. You had that connection. With those promises, both of you began to lower your defenses, too tired to fight off the wave of 3 AM tire.

Fingers lazily threaded through his locks, “And what will we do on our days off?”

Levi nuzzled himself into your neck, your chest his favorite pillow, “Whatever you want, princess.”

Ten minutes. A half-hour. An hour. In the pitch black night, neither of you could keep track. For that length of time, you rattled off all the potential activities for your time away. For each one, Levi nodded, his Mhms increasingly sleepy. Eventually, you both had drifted off to sleep - that anticipated vacation leading the way of your dreams.

Those dreams in your future. Harsh nightmares in your past. Now, at last, and together, both of you could rest easy. 

// masterlist //

[itsgirlcraft]

OKOK SO this au is actually an incredibly old concept I made like YEARS ago before RQ was a thing!! So the "TWA universe" was just a fusion of, like, the SSO, SS, and Trapped series- It was very self indulgent and I forgot abt it until a few months ago n now I'm obsessed w adding onto it again! Now, the "universe" is basically just a straight up cobbled-together chaotic dimension of different FMS series. For rn, it's mostly focusing on the bizarre, obscure, and hidden things of the Steve series, but I'm trying to add more focus to everything else too.

Soooo...originally it was just kinda. In my daydreams, yknow. And then I made a list last year...andddd now I have 3 pages of characters, settings, and generally goofy moments. SO!! Here's that list! :3

Ofc, this AU is basically just a mix of what if-s, too many headcanons, and is literally just "that's hilarious/mean/cute, ITS GOING IN!" Ie, what if SSO Purple Steve ended up in the Steve Saga, still stuck as a chicken? What if he met Sabre? What if that one weird unkillable zombie from early SS became relevant again? What was going through SS!Shadow Sabre's mind?

Buckle up bc this might be awhile-

SO! This AU starts off with one group, consisting of: SS!Rainbow Steve pickaxe, Galaxy Sabre/Galaxy stuck in Sabre's mind, SSO chicken!Purple, and Trapped!Sabre. They're at Rainbow's first home, where he and Sabre had dealt with Shadow Sabre and that whole Dark Sabre fight. Nearby they meet Trapped!NPC Ivy and Trapped!Half-demon Francis, alongside the Trapped cabin.

HOWEVER, several things have changed. Francis is fully conscious as a regular person (mostly...) and Ivy, instead of being an un-interactable statue, has the regular NPC-mod menu functions - like we saw in ep 1 of Trapped (before Sabre got..yknow, trapped.) And, most importantly - Galaxy Sabre and Trapped!Sabre are the same person. Which...creates some I n t e r e s t I n g dynamics between Sabre and Galaxy.

I've got..hm..SIX pages of drawings I've done in my notebooks, plus like 3 papers with older art of the AU (completely ignoring the lists haha-) sooo ig I'll just show the first group we'd meet if I wrote it out- man, I need to draw demon!Francis. Yeah that'll be my next one.

(Sorry if the pics are blurry, my room has poor lighting </3)

BUT!! No way in hell I'm ending this post without my boy Gerald Steve!

Okok I put WAY too much thought into him- so he's not the only one of his kind, but also kinda is?? So I hc that his timeline/existence is BECAUSE of the RQ timeloop, and so he's basically the first of his kind but bc of how timeloops work he also isn't?? His Pink-Steve-looking species are semi-omniprescent in a way, capable of "seeing" between time and space - sort of an Indigo Steve, but they're much more down-to-earth and stuff ig. They're the navigators, the people that help the weary travelers of both time and space. The™ Gerald Steve we meet in the timeloop episode is considered the "original" but not the first, in his time, he is one of many Pig/Gerald Steves. Thanks to shenanigans with the loop, him helping Sabre marks the beginning of his kind existing. But, like, according to everyone else in his timeline, the Gerald Steves were part of the created kingdoms just like the others. Yeah. Only his people know the truth. The one we meet, his role is considered of high value to be chosen to be a guiding presence in the midst of chaos.

WHICHHHHHH, is where he becomes an interesting role in the swaploop duo's life! So, most of the RQ loop involved callbacks to past series, except for a few instances. The swap timeline, the alien and inverted worlds, and the sleep fight timeline. (I think) The swaploop duo's S!Rainbow is the "original" RQ timeloop!Sabre, so he's seen the entire timeloop, but didn't see it end.

Sooo what this means for Gerald Steve, is that he's meant to be the failsafe if things like time falling apart happen. Except this loop...he didn't succeed. Sabre had permanently become S!Rainbow, thus leaving the loop open-ended, and then space had fallen apart when the duo were taken to the TWA universe. Of course, Gerald Steve followed. It's his job after all, and he finds there's a lot more work to do than he thought. So, a lot of his fellow Gerald Steves arrive in the TWA universe, trying to be the guiding hands to put things back together. Some laugh, some just surprised, some want to examine a little too closely, when they come across these Steves. But still, they go on.

That is, until they meet Trapped Sabre, and they realize that none of this, absolutely none of it, is able to be recovered. This, IS the new normal. And Trapped!Sabre's little secret just made things much more interesting.

Why hasn't anyone made AUs of the time loop ep (ep 122, rq)

I wonder what people's take on the characters reactions be after figuring it out (I can't word rn, sobs)

Also, TSS!RAINBOW PICKAXE AND RAINBOW TOWN 😭

Crying

[beeindaclouds]

This is gon' be so straight forward. DSMP members reactin' to ya death. Takes place when Wilbur blew up lmanburg or when Techno did

Hallo, thank you for requesting!

I was keeping this one for today, cause I didn't want to post it yesterday lol

I'm gonna prepare tissues just in case it gets sad

Hope you enjoy <3

C!DSMP reacting to you dying pt. I

Pairings: C!Dream, C!Georgenotfound, C!Sapnap, C!Badboyhalo, C!Skeppy, C!Quackity, C!Karl Jacobs, C!Wilbur Soot x Reader

Click here before requesting, please <3

❝ C!Dream ❞

Here's the thing

Dream promised himself to not get attached

Because attachments would just weakened him down

But he couldn't lie that seeing you die in the midst of L'mamburg did hurt him, a lot

He had to keep everything in, but inside he was really hurt; he just didn't want to admit it to himself

But if you lost all 3 of your lives and were actually dead he'd revive you without giving you an explanation

❝ C!Georgenotfound ❞

He'd think it was a dream

Since he sleeps most of the time, he rarely thinks that things that actually happened, well, happened

But after hearing you say that you lost one of your lives, he'll deny it

He doesn't want to believe it and will hide away in his dreams

If he ever does come to terms with it or you're gone for good, he'd ask DreamXD for help

❝ C!Sapnap ❞

I don't think he could handle it

Between whats happening with Quackity and Karl, one of his closest friend manipulating people and the other asleep most of the time, it be too much for him

But I feel like the last straw would be if you were actually dead for good

He'd lose all hope by then and would probably be more vulnerable to a certain smile mask wearing dude

❝ C!Badboyhalo ❞

Let's say that this happens after Skeppy dies because of him or that you died because of the egg

He'd feel guilty and blame himself for everything

If you did lose all your lives tho, he'd blame himself even more

Probably isolate himself just to not hurt other people he cares about

❝ C!Skeppy ❞ [Platonic]

Unless he saw it with his own eyes, he's not gonna believe it

He'll continue to do so because he's scared of the truth

But once you are gone he'd lose all he's sense of hope and happiness

Cause not only did he lose one his best friends to an egg...he also lost you

❝ C!Quackity ❞

He's another one that promised himself to not get attached to anything

And yet the second you were hurt he went on a whole revenge journey to take back the life you lost

This is gonna be extremely sad, but I have to write it

You lost your third life with Charlie

Purpled told Quackity to choose one, and he couldn't

So he threw both of you in the lava and that's where he last saw you

[I took a pause here cause I actually got sad at this one :')]

❝ C!Karl Jacobs ❞

He would understandably be sad about your first death

And tries to stay by your side so that you don't lose another

But if your gone completely he'd try to remember you as much as he can by writing more about you

Eventually tho he'd start to forget and probably cries as he tries to remember why this faceless person who he only knows the name is so important to him

❝ C!Wilbur Soot ❞

Oh god, ok

Let's start off by saying that Pogtopia Wilbur wouldn't care as much if you lost one life or if you were gone, let's be honest

L'manburg Wilbur and Ghostbur on the other hand would be devastated, especially if you have a very close bond. Maybe Ghostbur doesn't understand it at first until he sees your ghost form or doens't see you at all

Revivebur would hide his pain, because he doesn't want to seem weak. But he can definitely never look at your ghost form

Part II

[jotatetsuken]

I GOT ONE FOR YAMI! you (reader) tending to his wounds after a mission 🥰

FNCNFMMSMS OMG ILY GEN 😭♥️ I LOVE YAMI SUKEHIRO SO MUCH I DONT EXPRESS IT ENOUGH

Shyna's Seiyuu Birthday Celebration, Edition 2: Junichi Suwabe

TW: Mentions of blood, punching

The thing about Yami, for those that don’t know him, is that he always only wears a white vest, black trousers with an extra layer of tan leather, and the Black Bulls robe. (I mean look at the GIF below, omg I love him.)

So when he goes on a mission, you, a fellow soldier in the Black Bulls, an acting vice-captain while Nacht is away, always go along with him.

You not only almost never see eye to eye with him, but also possess healing magic (like Mimosa and Kahono) but with sand and mud, so you’d find yourself to be handy in many situations.

People will think that you worry too much about him, and you scoff it off, swatting your hand in the air, saying, “I’m most certainly NOT worried about him. He always wants to put himself at risk and that’s not very wise of him.”

However, you start to overthink and wonder, “why am I so worried whenever he’s wounded? Why am I so worried when he puts himself on the line for everyone’s sake, I have no clue what’s happening…”

In one such mission, before Yami could use his katana, the enemy punches him so hard on the stomach, that he ends up coughing up blood and the katana flung elsewhere. He managed, however, to still stand even after the enemy lay a barrage of punches after him.

You got so pissed at the enemy that you used your sand & mud magic to create a quagmire on the ground for the enemy to be sucked in, only for the head to be seen, and you knock them out with a nice knockout punch with sand.

You then rush to Yami’s aid, make him sit up, your lips quiver, and say, “Captain Yami, are you okay? Let me heal you real quick…” That’s when you notice that Yami’s breathing had gotten ragged for a while and while you were approaching him, he first swats your hand, saying with a stern tone, “I’m fine, (F/N). Go look out for others. Don’t worry about me.”

Then, you glare at Yami, speaking with a more stem tone, “Captain, I don’t mean this in the slightest disrespect, but you’re surely out of your goddamn mind if I’m supposed to let you go like this when your presence is of utmost importance. The mission isn’t over, you’re still needed.”

Yami then sighs, and says, “okay, my stomach hurts real bad.” To which, you nod, and lift his vest slowly to see his abs being battered and bruised but when you take a peek at his chest, you see that he even took punches there. So, you had no choice but to rip his vest apart.

He then glares at you when you do so, saying, “Oi, are you out of your mind? What do you think you’re…” causing you to put your hands on his mouth to keep him quiet as you say, “I have another vest for you to wear. Besides, I’m not gonna leave to hang dry, or do you want me to?” you smirk at him, while he smirks back, sighs and says, “fine then, brat. Go ahead, do your magic.”

You then use your mud magic to create patches of mud near the bruises, and the sand to absorb the blood on the body and moving your hands in a swift motion, the mud and the sand roll off his body, causing his body to heal up faster. However, that’s when you get a clear view of his chiseled body. Your mouth gaped wide open as you saw his proportionate chest and abs and wondered as to how he was able to maintain such a body in the midst of these crazy missions, while Yami sat up, lifted your face up by your chin, smirks at you again, and says, “like what you see?”, causing your cheeks to fluster heavily, and your eyes to go in a different direction.

»»————-　♡　————-««

I hope this helps 😭

Also tagging @thoughtfullyrainynightmare and @simpingforthisonedeer ‘cause it’s a Black Clover post after ages baby!!!

[stellartales]

thoma ▪︎ rubeum scutum

pairing: thoma x f!traveller/Lumine

summary: finding her on the ground of Chinju Forest in the midst of a dark, dreary thunderstorm — he didn't quite expect they would meet again in this way not long after the Vision Hunt Decree blew over. Never did he realize how much more she meant to him until he saw her cold, motionless body that very night — | m.list

theme/genre(s): inspired by thoma's hangout event, friends to lovers, slow-but-not-that-slow burn romance, injured traveller/reader/Lumine (whichever you prefer), Thoma takes care of you/her/Lumine, a series made up of drabbles.

a/n: mentioned on my previous post(s), this is inspired by the hangout event with Thoma, crafted with more narrative and a fabricated plot as its base. this is not exactly a series but a compilation of drabbles? you'd see what i mean as more comes after this one.

i find his constellation name pretty fitting for what I'm about to write; it's the perfect representation of his whole character, a protector (I mean, duh that's why mihoyo gave him that name. And omg, I play in CN but I'm very aware that his Japanese VA also voices Ichigo from Bleach and his name meant "to protect".)

forgive me, this one may be a little long (1k+?) and may contain some errors but i hope you'll enjoy this anyway!

Please reblog :3

01 ▪︎ a moment in bloom

The mellow sweetness of Sakura Bloom in the breeze blowing over the Kamisato Estate swept across the room, tickling her nose and rousing her to stir under the duvet of the futon.

Her brows furrowed on her warm forehead as her hands fell away from her torso in her movement to lie on her side, dropping to the cool tatami floor with a dull thud.

Another sweep of rushing breeze blew over her through the gaping doors.

Her eyes opened, but snapped shut immediately with a sharp intake of breath. A weak groan accompanied her as she opened them once more, squinting against the bright scenery outside.

Her fingers dug into the tatami floor in her effort to push herself off the futon as she tried to understand everything.

From the futon she sat on to the simple, yet elegant room, the courtyard unhindered by the sliding doors stroked a vague spark of recognition in her as she stared out, relishing in the fresh, ocean breeze gushing into the room every now and then as her eyes roamed.

Among the trimmed grass and intricately manicured Bonsai trees, the beds of artistic sand were so clean and white sunlight seemed to be reflecting off them. And behind all these, a vast scene of the bright blue sky and puffy, white clouds beamed back at her in the warmth of the sun.

She'd been here before, her eyes widened as her realization fed her answers. Ayaka...and Thoma.

A frown pinched between her brows; confusion was written all over her face.

...But how?

The last she remembered was her struggle trying to travel under a thunderstorm. In Monstadt or Liyue, people would look at her as if she had grown two heads when she was out and about in such weather. In Inazuma where thunderstorms could last from a day to two, it wasn't unheard of to hit the road even in such weather conditions.

...Though, she wasn't exactly in her best condition when she decided to venture in the rain, a sheepish thought reminded her.

The brush of another breeze against her cheeks drew her eyes to the garden outside where a rain of Sakura Bloom flower petals danced, glorifying the vibrant greenery it adorned even more.

The same scene that struck her amazed with its beauty the first day she stepped into the Kamisato Estate.

Fingers sank into the soft duvet and peeled it off her as she lifted herself up from the futon with effort, staggering to stand with wobbly knees. The floor felt cold to her feet which had been kept warm too long under the cover as she stepped or rather stumbled her way to the vendetta.

Her footsteps were heavy and shaky, breathing was audibly fast and her hair was plastered to her forehead by a thin coat of sweat.

How long had she been sleeping? a question crossed her mind as she stopped at the door to catch her breath, fingers clutching tightly on the wood to support herself. Clearly, her legs had yet to wake up; slumbering muscles protesting against every movement she made.

Determined to leave the room, a stubborn frown ridged beneath her fringe as she heaved herself away from the door, her legs plopping forward. Eyes focused down on her feet, the sound of footsteps from round the corner pulled her gaze up but was too late.

Colliding headfirst, a sharp gasp huffed from her lungs as she tumbled. The momentum in the unsteady gait she was moving in sent her knocking down whoever was in front along with her—

Brows furrowed and eyes closed to the pain bloomed across her forehead, she sat up, cradling her head with a hand in her attempt to soothe the dull ache.

A deep, masculine groan from beneath made her look down, letting go of her head. ...Only to find Thoma returning her gaze with a grimacing smile and a hand grasping onto his chin.

Surprise flitted across her face. "Thoma!"

"Is your skull...perhaps made of stone?" His body underneath her palms rumbled as he chuckled, eyes dancing in amusement. "I'm kind of worried. You think I should get a doctor to check my chin for fractures?" His smile turned mischievous as the man shifted to prop his elbows under him, chin resting atop his chest.

She narrowed her eyes pointedly at the smile he cracked at her.

"Haha, very funny." Her tone deepened with sarcasm, eyes rolling. "Your chin is pretty hard too, y'know? Maybe the doctor should check me for a concussion while you're at it."

"Sure," His laughing eyes flickered down, "I...oh—" and immediately averted with a flustered gaze, falling into silence.

She eyed him, puzzled by his sudden display of bashfulness. Gone was the amusement in his eyes. Gone was the teasing smile. Only a curious reddening of his cheeks and the nervous bob moving in his throat.

Confusion followed her as she dropped her gaze onto herself and right away, a gasp fled her—

Scandalous came screaming in her head as soon as she laid her eyes on the swells of her breasts peeking out of the white yukata she didn't even realize she was wearing; its obi had somehow loosen when she collided into Thoma.

And to make things worse, the split between the sleepwear revealing her thighs as she found herself sitting, no, straddling the man created a vulgar picture altogether.

As if she was burnt, she scrambled off him with a panicked squeal, tugging the yukata tightly around her figure as her knees scraped against the polished wooden floor in her haste to scoot away.

"—ohmygod, I'm sorry. ohmygod, I'm sorry. ohmygod, I'm sorry..." her mouth fumbled with flustered apologies as her eyes stared bewildered at the floor below, cheeks burning as her hands looped the obi around her waist shakily.

Sensing more than seeing his movement as he climbed back onto his feet, she heard him shifting beside or behind her; she wasn't sure and she was too embarrassed to care!

Her lips parted with a silent heavy sigh as she leaned her weight back onto her ankles, sinking further onto the floor and hands dropping away from the newly tied knob at her waist. ...if only the floor could swallow her up right now.

The touch of a hand on her forehead tugged her eyes up and she was met by a frowning Thoma kneeling before her. She blinked at the look of focus on his face.

As though she did not just accidentally flashed herself at him, the serious glint reflecting in his green eyes silenced the flustered voice in her head — she felt herself calm down almost immediately.

"You're still feverish..." She heard him murmur under his breath.

Catching onto his words sparked an onslaught of questions which previously occupied her thoughts. "—how did I end up here?" a confused frown marred her forehead. "Wasn't I in the forest?...the Chinju Forest?"

Thoma drew his hand away, eyes flitting down while her bemused ones raised to look at him, not aware of the way his jaw clenched and his lips held in a stern line...only until she met his face, did she find herself being glared at.

Her next breath was caught in her throat as she jolted with a startle to see the usually smiling Thoma looking...upset with her?

"Exactly," Thoma reprimanded, his voice dipping low. "I'd like to know why I found you lying unconscious in that forest, with a burning forehead in that thunderstorm." There was a momentary pause as concern grew evident in his green eyes. "also, that wound on your back..."

Her eyes sprang wide in her surprise; she knew exactly which wound he was talking about.

It was the very one she received from the Raiden Shogun in her attempt to save Thoma from the Vision Hunt Decree.

Whenever it ached in her movements, it was a reminder of how she had simply brushed it off as a mere scratch when he asked and gave it a quick, prompt treatment of her own before heading back into the wilderness once again for urgent errands.

—perhaps that was not the wisest thing to do then.

Sheepishness made its way on her face as her eyes snapped over shoulder for a quick glance.

"Oh, that." she shook her head at him, smiling the most reassuring smile she could. "Not to worry, it hurts now and then but it's just a small cut and mostly healed—"

"A small cut? Mostly healed?" There was exasperation on his face as he interjected. "It's infected." The tight knot of frustration and worry in his chest intensified, showing on his face and in the stiff way he kneeled before her.

...remembering the gripping fear the very moment he found her cold and unresponsive on the forest ground. the panic that brought him down to his knees beside her fallen figure. the desperation rendering him unable to think clearly for the few shortlived but tormenting minutes, thinking that the worst had happened to her.

— emotions he never realized he was capable of harboring for someone he only met weeks ago.

Falling into silence, a twinge of guilt turned her stomach at the sight of the agonized look on Thoma's face, her eyes flitting down in time to catch his hands curl into trembling fists on his thighs.

Somewhat stunned to see this side of the usually relaxed, happy man, her guilt grew stronger.

"I'm sorry, Thoma..." Remorse followed her gaze as she raised her eyes to meet his quiet, brooding ones.

Thoma raised a hand to rake through his messy hair. "No, no...don't apologize." His face fell with a heavy sigh, eyes closing for a second. "It's my fault you have that wound on your back in the first place."

The tension on his face had relaxed when his eyes opened again to meet hers."You're going around taking care of everyone and everything, but what about yourself?"

As if they were reminded to make known of their presence upon hearing Thoma's point, the weight of her bone-deep fatigue suddenly felt almost tangible in her every limb.

—Thoma watched an inevitable, weary sigh escape her silently, immediately feeling a twinge in his chest; an tugging ache that made him want to do something... anything to lift off what seemed like the weight of the world on her shoulders, even if it meant just a little.

The Kamisato siblings were about to leave the estate for some governmental affairs in the main city yesterday when he brought her in. Worried about her friend, Ayaka was reluctant to leave but duties called.

She left no instructions in her haste to leave for the city, but it was clear what he needed to do as the one who helped run things for the Kamisato Clan — to assign her to the care of Furuta the Housekeeper. In fact, handing her over to the older woman was the most logical thing to do, given how much things he still had to oversee.

But...

Thoma cracked a wry smile at her, "From abolishing the Vision Hunt Decree to the little errands you do everyday, it's no wonder you're in this state now." A decisive glint entered his eyes."But not to worry, you're in good hands; I'll take very good care of you."

—a sound caught between a growl and a grumble drew his eyes to her stomach, just as he finished his sentence.

Quirking an amused smile at her, he added, chuckling.

"And, that."

—published on 23.10.2021

| NEXT (coming soon)

[otaku-tactician]

My Sleep Paralysis Demon: An In-Depth Study

A few years ago, I posted an image of the goddess I saw in a dream. But actually, I have experienced a much deadlier presence during my sleep paralysis and dream episodes...a dude who has been consistently by my side for years (and has me convinced that I may actually be fucking insane seeing as he's still here). Say hello to the epitome of inner turmoil, my sleep paralysis demon!

This character has been haunting me for almost 8 years of sleep paralysis HELL!! He shape-shifts a heck of a lot into a shitload of different forms that he abandons on a whim, and recently adapted to look like another anime character but luckily he dropped that form XD However, he seems to like taking the form of one particularly popular character the most. That is also his default appearance- it's basically the knock-off version of a certain fate character (it will become pretty apparent who he's picked once you see some of his forms).

But anyway, this guy appears in a lot of my nightmares etc. Worst is when I'm in half asleep sleep paralysis mode, he becomes like a full presence that can talk and everything. Also, his presence feels like thorns that bite into the skin (pretty creepy).

First up is his first form. This form comes out whenever his favorite popular anime man disguise falls off, and it looks like a vampire cosplay.

Form One- Duke Megalovania Grimhield VI

Bro, even his name is fake.

This form is the one he takes whenever he wishes to sneer in my face in my dreams- like a 'haha KONO DUKE MEGALOVANIA DA!!' moment. This guy is smug and annoying, but that's actually just a way to cover up his hidden insecurities. He says he wants to be adored, dominant and loved by everyone.

Form Two- War Maiden

I don't know much about this form, other than the fact that she tried to give me psychological damage in a nightmare about my past that was completely inaccurate to my past (she made it all up?!) In fact, I did not even draw her properly (I forgot her hairstyle). This form loves warfare and battle, a complete military maniac. However this form was abandoned after only ONE DREAM. He only adopted this form to play havoc, but as it didn't work out; he abandoned her like a moldy slice of toast.

Form Three- Thirsty Angel

If he was on Instagram, he would be the KING of Thirst Traps. This form only appeared twice, mainly to inflict sleep paralysis trauma :(

He reminds me of Matou Shinji, which is definitely not a good thing. However, unlike Matou Shinji he does not have much of a personality. To him, his appearance and seductiveness is what reigns supreme to him. -.- I think he chose this form to try and deceive me, and it worked very well. He is a MASSIVE SADIST, he derives great pleasure from mind-breakingly skillful betrayal.

Form THREE POINT FIVE- Thirsty Angel is Actually a DEMON

This is another one of his 'fake true forms'- basically he reveals an alleged true form which ends up not being true at all. He is like a Matryoshka Doll. In this form, he grew a pair of black horns, and the scar on the right side of his face feels like sandpaper to the touch (it is very scratchy so be careful!)

This form of his is very insecure, like a 'little meow meow'. He mainly spends his time lamenting over his need to be loved and valued in this form- its a very melancholy side to him. He feels very self-conscious about his appearence in this form, and is worried that he looks ugly (if only he knew about monster fuckers). In addition to this, I would state that this form looks incredibly similar to a truly demonic terrifying beast form of his that is over 10 ft tall and has ridiculously long black nails (worst sleep paralysis nightmare ive ever had btw).

Form Four- 'I'M SLEEPY GTFO'

This is the form that he takes whenever he haphazardly pulls an appearance together. As he tends to focus on having his pussy pop as much as possible, this form is as rare a sighting as a blizzard in the midst of summer- blink twice and its gone!

In nightmares with this form, he is super grumpy and doesn't resort to his usual charm tactics at all; which gives the impression that this is what my sleep paralysis demon is like when he's sleepy and has no energy. This form is also extremely desperate, willing to go to any lengths to achieve his dreams and exert his innermost desires.

Form Five- Inner World Form

Whenever I do visual meditation, I see this guy. I cannot explore my inner world without seeing him nearby. On default, he takes the appearance of a certain anime guy, but oftentimes his demonic nature takes hold and manipulates his appearance into this slightly more malevolent exterior.

This is his most nonchalant form, most likely as a means of respecting my inner space. This form enjoys taking casual strolls by the beach, talking about life and sharing hugs. However, he almost trapped me within an abyss in one meditation episode, so he can't be trusted either (you'd never guess with how affectionate he can be in this form). dude i sound completely bonkers writing this

However, thanks to him...meditation is pretty hard to do sometimes.

Form Six- Deity Form

This form is really surreal. His main symbol is that of the grape (and its for reasons that are too absurd for me to disclose). Despite being a shining deity, he is incredibly mysterious and evasive, so it's hard to get to understand him. He also roasts like hell in this form, and can be pretty cruel (well he is the same existence as the others, after all). ALSO THAT OUTFIT!!! HE IS BASICALLY COSPLAYING AGAIN!!!

TRUE FORM- ULTIMATE DEMON

This form makes it pretty clear what Fate character he was inspired by...it is the greatest shame of my life to know that my sleep paralysis demon has exactly the same favorite character as me XD

This form is the ultimate cumulation of all of his other forms. In this form, he is dominant. He doesn't worry about being unloved or neglected. He turns on the charm to a bedazzling degree. However, actually that is not true. He is every bit as insecure, possessive and controlling in this form as he is in all of his other forms. This grand appearance is nothing but a filter for him to cover up the pain that he goes to such great lengths to avoid. This guy works really hard to control how he is viewed- to even the most minute details.

Basically, in this form; he DOES NOT WANT TO BE PERCIEVED AT ALL. Just to be admired and desired, to rule over others. That is the true function of his ultimate sadistic form.

Also wow his hair is super long! And his horns are massive! And his high heels are actually made up of three massive spikes. YES, HE WALKS ON METAL SPIKES.

In order to make sense of his two main appearances, I made a guide to showcase his deity side and demonic side. Those are the sides he likes to swap between whenever his main disguise as a certain anime character fails him. However, sometimes he can appear as just light and a shadow as well.

And then finally, here are some forms that he used only a few times for the sole purpose of being the worst sleep paralysis demon to strike my nightmares :(

Form on the left- some guy with white hair that pretended to be an angel soulmate

Dude in the middle- used for a nightmare

Dude on the right- WHO IS HE!

I hope you enjoyed my sleep paralysis demon showcase as much as I did ^^

UPDATE: NEW FORM UNLOCKED YEA BABEY

OK

[bettyfrancis]

please share your fic recs, the hannibal tag is a minefield...

well this is my bookmark tag and wow, surprise, every single last one of them is explicit! love that. good for them

and just to be clear, because i get the feeling everyone's reasoning behind ao3 being a minefield is very different. i do not mind when they are evil, kill others, or each other — i just hate bad dialogue!

recs under the cut............. here be dragons etc etc

And So I Raise Me Up From Sleep by bendingsignpost (E)

this was one of the first ones i saw recced a lot, and i initially really did not like any fics that took place in the midst of will having encephalitis, so i stopped reading — revisited later and holy shit. this fic is very hard to follow at first but once you get into the flow you realize it's all by design. cannot recommend this enough, i cried my eyes out at the end.

The Here Trilogy, but esp the last part: Morning by Petronia (E)

post-fall learning to love each other — very well written, and hannibal POV which is my fave 🤪i also really enjoyed most of this author's other stuff, but this one was definitely my favorite

le génie du mal by Ajaxthegreat (E)

batshit insane season one au where will finds out. they try to kill each other in the kitchen.

one more kiss before we turn the lights off by akadefenders aka snailmailthings (E)

hannibal breaks out of prison and comes to will's house while his family is away. absolutely delightful. the characterization in this is so good, it's sexy, and somehow is all about will abandoning his life with molly but is still respectful to her?

here in the deepening blue by honeybeebear (E)

missing scenes fic between arriving at the cliff house and the final scene of twotl. my bookmark just says "damn shawty okay!!!!"

Imago by emungere (E)

"From this prompt: Imagine Hannibal Lecter shaving Will’s stubble with an old school straight razor." what more needs to be said, ya know. all of this author's fics are amazing, especially Two Solitudes and Blackbird but i thought i'd give this short scene a lil shout out because those two have been recced to death

a thousand teeth, and yours among them by gleamingandwholeanddeadly (something_safe), printersdeadly, printersdevils (tuesdaysgone) (E)

new orleans detective au where hannibal is still a surgeon, super fun, well plotted! this author team really gets characterization right in all their stuff. another one i quite liked was a better resurrection which is another au but will is in divinity school and meets hannibal at a rare book shop. as far as au's go, these two were my favorites

Scratch Away the Doubt by miasmatik (E)

my bookmark says: "demented evil insane. love it" — basically will ACTUALLY kills freddie and uh, they do it in front of her ... corpse. don't say i didn't warn you

This Dangerous Game by MissDisoriental (E)

super fucking long jack the ripper victorian au — i read this while i was on vacation and had a great time. it's easy to read, fun, and weaves in the show plot in a really enjoyable way! i've seen this recced before but i'm adding it here because i don't normally enjoy novel-length fanfiction and somehow this one really worked for me, so i think it deserves a spot again.

okay well. there they are! have fun, read the tags, etc etc