#I also don't want her to feel like something is wrong with her because I know what that feels like

[nightingale-prompts]

Phantom is so Moody

"I don't even understand what I am. I'm a clone so I can't age. But what does it even mean to be a clone? I'm not 100% Superman but I'm still nit like him or Lex? I wasn't born like a normal person so does that mean I don't have a soul?" Kon ranted.

Danny the multi-dimensional godlike being the team had contracted into being their aid slowly shuffled from under his mountain of blankets and pillows and yawned.

"What are you talking about?" He drawled lazily. "Of course you have a soul.

"But I'm like artificially made in a lab." Kon retorted.

"And? So what? Are you telling me I'm wrong?" Danny challenged " Hey stupid, everything has a soul. You, your friends, animals, a tree, a fucking blade of grass, even a kid's toy. If it has energy it has a soul. I'm not talking metaphorically, I mean literally. Souls are a real tangible thing and I will eat your soul if you don't put some food on my sacrificial altar. Also, get therapy."

Kon much like the others had gotten used to Danny. He was mostly all bark and no bite.

As Kon headed to the kitchen to get the god his post-nap snack he heard Danny speak again.

"Also, you can age. Who told you that you couldn't? Age isn't anything but the slow decay of atoms. You are aging. You just aren't changing because your body is so new. Given enough years it'll start to show. Then you'll be no different from anyone else. Granted Superman's race also grows differently. You are so fucking dramatic. You are fine the way you are." The godling huffed, "Ancients, you guys are annoying. You treat existence like it's torture and you'll bearly understand how blessed you are to exist simply because of how un-ideal it is. Look shit sucks, it sucks most of the time but human suffering is caused by humans. You are torturing yourself with all these what-ifs and angst. Just stop caring."

Danny wasn't saying all this to be comforting. He rarely does stuff like that. If anything he was ambivalent to Kon. It still made him feel better though. One thing you could trust about Danny was that he was honest. He could even be helpful considering his job was to be a living encyclopedia of information from beyond the pale. He has always been an asset if you can wake him up from his days long naps.

****

"You sleep all the time." Raven complained.

The Titans were here this time. They needed something from Danny. Something about having to seal a threat away.

"Just death being shy." Danny mumbled curling up on his raised platform. "Now go away."

Raven pulled out a smudge stick of white sage when Nightwing silently held up a hand to stop her.

"Phantom, look we need your help. This issue needs your assistance. We just want info on how to seal this threat properly." Nightwing said.

"Ask Constantine."Danny whined back as he shuffled deeper into his blanket cocoon.

"Unfortunately he can't help. This is Darkseid—"

"WHERE IS HE?"

Immediately he was wide awake. You see there are few things to stir Phantom to his full attention. He isn't inactive out of pure laziness. He lets the hero do their thing and he helps when he thinks it's appropriate. But he will not let anything or anyone harm the planet

*****

"He really doesn't like people," Impulse whispered to Aqualad.

"I still don't understand how the Justice League managed to get in contact with him let alone sign a contract with him. " Aqualad answered.

"Flash said he was pretty easy to convince. Hell he said that Phantom was so docile he let Wonder Woman carry him around. Now he'll practically snap of your hand if you touch him."

"Emm...think about it he must have just been really weak back then. If he was injured badly enough maybe he—"

"Stop talking."

*****

"I still don't trust you. What is your game?" Raven said sternly.

A being with origins like Phantom couldn't really be helping them out of the kindness of his heart. What did he gain from this contract.

"You assume you are worth games."

"Were you sent by my father?"

"Your father, Trigon? That nuisance? A petty demon like that having any say over me? I'd crush him if I ever saw him. He claims to have conquered a billion worlds. That alone makes me want to destroy him. No one OWNS a world. If anything I own all worlds. No one touches my universe, all universes are mine. And if people would just stop touching my stuff I wouldn't be here." Phantom growled furiously.

"So you are just like him." Raven hissed in anger.

"Like I said. I own it. It is my domain. My realm. So no one can destroy it. No one can control it. I make it. Every star, every planet, every person is a product of chaos. It is the universal law. I keep my chaos in check. Trigon, Darkseid, Anti-Monitor—I don't care. If they touch what is mine I will destroy them."

"Anti-Monitor?"

Phantom curled his lip in anger then relaxed.

"He is someone you don't need to be concerned about. Not anymore." Phantom sighed. "Just know; I don't care what you think of me. I only care about keeping things the way they should be. I'd prefer if you didn't trust me."

Raven narrowed her eyes in thought before she relaxed. Then a small smile appeared on her lips.

"No. I think I can trust you."

Phantom immediately frowned. This wasn't the response he wanted.

"I think you are doing this on purpose. I think you want us to dislike you." Raven teased "Phantom do you perhaps have a heart?"

Phantom just sighed, his cheeks were greenish hue. He was blushing. Then went back to his dais to sleep.

****

Phantom was certainly a prickly guy. He was sweet deep down. Everyone could tell after a while. It didn't help that Wonder Woman always gave as good as she got.

"Answer the question Phantom. No cryptic riddles either." She said climbing the dias.

Phantom scrambled to escape as she grabbed him by the ankle and held him upside down.

"That's not fair! Kronos said I didn't have to answer this one. I have permission to tell you wherever I feel like."

"Oh? Then how about not having snacks on your offering plate? We'll burn nothing but vegetables until you tell me."

"How dare you! That's child abuse. You'll be starving me."

"You don't even need to eat."

"I still taste everything you burn. That's force-feeding. That's bad too."

"Just tell me!"

"Fine!" Phantom grumbled "Trevor Barnes...didn't pass over yet. He waits for you in the realms between. You shouldn't know that though. He doesn't want you to know."

"Why wouldn't he—"

"Because he wants you to live for yourself. He wants you to love again. You have a long life ahead of you and he didn't want to hold you back with his memory. Although he contradicted himself because he still wants you to think of him fondly."

Phantom phased through Diana's grasp and retreated to his lair.

****

Phantom was like a stray cat or maybe a spoiled one. He was wary of most people.

But even the most moody cat likes at least one person.

"Phantom I—"

"What do you need?"

Tim had entered the chamber only half expecting Phantom to be awake. Though Phantom was always awake when Tim entered. He guessed he was lucky since he didn't have talk to empty space.

"Eh, nothing. I got put on sacrifice duty. I brought some Bat Burger and cookies from home. I'm warning you now that Wonder Woman said you have to eat a serving of vegetables. So I'm burning them first." Tim placed the steamed vegetables on the offering plate and before he tossed them into the green fire he felt the cold hand of Phantom wrap around him.

"Don't." He said softly.

"It's just broccoli and cauliflower," Tim said still putting it on the electrum disk.

"Don't wanna," Phantom whined petulantly holding Tim in place. His head buried in his shoulder.

"You big baby." Tim sighed.

If anyone saw this interaction they'd be disgusted. The oh-so-great and moody god is l acting like a soft and pitiful little guy. Phantom seemed to have such a unique fascination with Red Robin. To the point he acts completely different if Tim was in the room.

"Two-faced." Kon mumbled as he watched Phantom readily answered Red Robin's every question without complaint.

"He's always like that," Tim said afterward " It's probably because I was the one to help form the contract with him when he was summoned here. The League treated him like a threat when it wasn't his fault he was here. He just wants to keep his distance but he is the same age as us."

"He is?" Kon asked astonished.

[iamthatonefangirl]

YOU WANTED more thoughts?? here i am.

mean n possessive dads best friend bucky whose always known you have a crush on him

OR (and?)

also you yapping n overthinking and bucky stopping you by fucking you

-@nevereclipse

sneaky - nsfw dbf!bucky barnes

please be warned this is... deranged. uncle kink. (not actual uncle because it's dbf) BOTH ARE FULLY GROWN ADULTS 18+ OKAY. you have been warned, read at your own discretion.

~~~

sneaking around with your dad's best friend probably wasn't the best idea you'd ever had.

what made it worse? every time your dad referred to him as your "Uncle Bucky." you cringed every time you heard it.

yeah, that's who he was to you your whole life. but hearing it now, knowing what you knew...

it put a bad taste in your mouth. a reminder of what you absolutely should not be doing.

but the way he fucks you isn't worth giving up just for peace of mind.

you wonder, sometimes, if that's what people who cheat on their partners think. that no matter how wrong it is, how many people you hurt, it just feels too goddamn good to give up. they're willing to go to insane lengths to keep the secret and keep their families together. they want to have their cake and eat it too.

because even though neither of you are cheating on anybody, that's exactly what you're both doing.

~~~

"fuck, that's my girl," he groans as you get down on your knees in front of him. you'd been sitting on his couch, watching something on netflix, anything, when you got carried away. only thirty seconds into the show.

maybe you're just insane, but there's something about being on your knees for him, bowing down to him, knowing how wrong this is...

he's supposed to be a father figure in your life, and what are you doing? you're blowing him with no remorse for your actions. you've done it before, and you're looking forward to doing it again.

his hands massage your scalp, encouraging you, "come on. be good. you can take it all," he says, pushing further into your throat and holding your head there, making you take it.

"love seeing you take all of me. love knowing I'm the only one who gets to fuck this little throat, huh? ain't that right? my own personal call girl?"

you nod as best you can while he holds you in place.

"yeah. my little girl. all grown up now, such a slut for her uncle, huh?"

your face warms so much you feel like you're sitting in front of the furnace. he loves rubbing this in your face, reminding you of what you're doing, forcing you to get off on it.

"that's right. you know your place, I know you do. I taught you so well."

he holds you there for you don't know how long, massaging your scalp down to the back of your neck, before bringing his hand to the front of your throat and pressing on where it bulges, thanks to him.

"my girl," he hisses. "none of those little college boys can fuck you the way you need. you needed someone you know, someone you trust, ain't that right?"

you might cry from how embarrassed and turned on you are right now.

"that's right. so needy for my cock, every fucking time, knowing how stupid you're being. you just can't get enough."

you're startled when his phone rings. he doesn't bother moving you, making you sit there while he looks down at the screen to see who it is. when he ignores it, you finally relax.

"you know I've been taking care of you your whole life, darlin'. course I'm gonna take care of you now. gotta take care of all your little needs cause no one else can, not like Uncle Bucky can."

and then, your phone rings in your pocket.

"fuck, is he calling you now?" Bucky groans.

and that's when you freak, shoving yourself off of him and falling backwards onto your ass on the floor. you reach for your phone in your back pocket.

Bucky asks you, "the hell are you doing? you're not done."

your voice is fucked when you quickly tell him, "my dad knows I'm with you! I told him we were getting dinner!"

Bucky's eyes widen. normally you tell him you're at a friend's place.

he nods and you hurry to answer.

"hey, Dad..." you try, clearing your throat, trying not to sound like you're absolutely wrecked.

"yeah, no we got takeout... yeah, Bucky's outside... yeah..."

you eventually hang up the call, both of you sitting there, startled.

no matter how much Bucky taunts you about it, it's not fun when you're reminded of the reality.

"he asked me why we didn't invite him and my mom," you tell him quietly from your spot, still on the ground.

you're both silent for a minute, the tv still playing in the background as you the awkward moment drags on and on.

you eventually both decide it's best to call it a night.

~~~

you both know better than to be reckless at this point.

but sometimes, you just can't help it.

you were trying to hop in the shower one afternoon, turning on the water, waiting for it to steam up the room. minute after minute ticked by as you stood there, naked, pleading the water to get hot.

you curse the universe when it doesn't, because it's just your luck that your dad isn't home to fix the problem.

so you shut off the water, wrap a towel around yourself, and go sit on your bed while you make a call.

"hey you, what's up?" he asks.

"can you come fix my pipes?" you tease.

Bucky stutters for a moment. "wow, that's... bold of you to say. I take it your folks aren't home?"

"you're right, they're not. but no, I'm being serious, the hot water won't turn on. can you come over and take a look at it for me?"

"yeah, sure. be over in a few."

you don't bother putting on any clothes, waiting around for the knock at the door still clad in your bath towel.

when you answer the door, you can't help yourself.

"oh, mister, however am I supposed to repay you?" you ask, pretending to be distraught, but it's ruined by the fact that you can't stop laughing as you say it.

"you're insufferable," he teases, stepping inside and yanking the towel from your form as he walks to the closet where the hot water heater is.

"hey!" you yell, reaching for the towel again.

"nothing I ain't seen before. besides, it'll encourage me to do my best work if I got an incentive for payment, don't ya think?"

that's how you end up in the shower together, hot water fixed, thirty minutes later.

he's got you pinned against the ice cold tile wall, hooking one of your legs up and around his waist. his fingers trace the skin of your thigh, his other hand behind your head to keep it from hitting against the hard wall.

"yeah, that's it. gonna let me use you, aren't you?"

"yes, yes, Bucky," you whine. he's teasing you, running his tip up and down your folds. he stares down at the sight, working you up to make you so desperate you'll do whatever he wants.

you start begging way too soon. "please, Bucky, I can't wait. please," you say, drawing out the last syllable.

he has no mercy, continuing to tease, before pulling back entirely.

"Bucky!" you cry, the only word in your mind.

"you know what I want to hear," he whispers in your ear.

he did this on purpose. he always does this on purpose, goddamnit.

"please, Uncle Bucky?"

he groans in approval, finally pushing himself into you, opening you up for him once again.

except it doesn't last long, because with the water raining down on the both of you along with the force of his motions, neither of you can keep your feet in place, and you keep slipping.

"god, least we tried," he laughs, turning off the water and picking you up bridal style to take you to your bedroom.

he barely gets the chance to lay you down when you hear the front door unlock downstairs.

you make eye contact. you're fucked, you're fucked.

"go put on your clothes. spray your shirt with the shower nozzle, tell him I sprayed you after you fixed the hot water," you whisper to him, pushing him off of you.

you both scramble to put on your clothes. Bucky does as you instructed, and you freak out when you see your sheets covered in water. you didn't bother using your towel, which clearly, was a bad move.

you're pretty sure your dad buys the excuse.

~~~

a few weekends later, your parents invite Bucky over for family dinner. he texts you before coming over, "wear a skirt for me, pretty girl."

now, as you sit at the table eating dinner, you know why.

he sits there, trailing his prosthetic fingers up and down your thigh under your skirt, all while your parents talk to him like normal. there's very little for you to contribute, so you're lucky you can focus on keeping your shit together while he messes with you, occasionally pinching your skin to keep you on edge.

"Bucky, we have something to ask you about," you hear from across the table.

his hand stops, and your jaw freezes in the middle of chewing.

"uh, what's that?" he asks them.

"we think there's something you're not telling us. and we think it's something you're both keeping from us."

you're fucked. you're done for. it's over.

"it's not what you think-" he begins, only to be cut off.

"have you started seeing someone? you've been happier lately. and knowing our daughter, she's probably already figured it out, but you've sworn her to secrecy, right?"

you let out a sharp exhale.

you're safe.

"yes, yeah. that's exactly it," he tells them, continuing to make excuses that he didn't want to say anything yet, it's still new...

his hand begins moving under the table again.

~~~

later that evening, you express a craving for ice cream.

"I'll take her," Bucky says before anyone else responds. "and I'll have her home before curfew."

you feel a pang in your chest when your dad assures Bucky, no need. we trust you with our daughter.

you know Bucky feels the guilt hit, too.

it doesn't stop you, though, from finding an empty parking lot and getting in the back seat as soon as possible.

"fuck, what would you have done if they'd found out, hmm? would you have admitted you had a thing for your uncle, baby?" he taunts, moving your hips down on his as you straddle him, riding him the way he likes.

the windows are already coated in condensation, the both of you so eager and pent up from the stress of the evening.

"no," you pant, tossing your head back.

he brings a hand to your throat, making you look at him.

"nuh-uh. you're gonna watch me while I fuck you. you're never gonna forget who it is that's fucking you like this, you hear me? I'm never going to let you forget."

~~~

when he drops you back at your house that evening, your mom asks, "vanilla?"

"I'm sorry, what?" you ask, confused.

"you get vanilla? you got some white stuff right there," she points to the corner of your lips.

you don't tell her you didn't go for ice cream.

~~~

guys I am sorry for this one... I had to

masterlist

join my tag list

bucky tag list:

@clavedelune @starfly-nicole @avengersfan25 @thewiselionessss @hextech-bros @a-book-lover-things @ruexj283 @mrsnikstan @sleepysongbirdsings @sapphirebarnes @bananababygirl10 @multiversefanfics @winchestert101 @andziabarnes @chrisevansleftnipple @daisydark @luckyhornet @maryevm @avengemepercy @mandoloriancookie @starstruck-cowgirl @doubledizzy22 @yvespecially @shereadzzz @flow33didontsmoke @blaineandergel

[motorsportbarbie13]

Hurricane - Part 7

{“Emma.” Her head snapped in the direction of her name being called. She was surprised to see it was GP. “Go make sure he’s okay, yeah?” Emma bit her lip, eyes bouncing between where the engineer stood and the door that Max had just stormed out of. “Are you sure?” GP nodded, removing his headset and placing it on the counter beside him. “You’re probably the only who he’ll see right now. He needs you.”}

warnings/notes: no warnings that i can think of. as always, thank you to my writing therapist @lestapiastrisgirl. in the interest of transparency, this one is going to end here, for now. i feel like this is a good place to pause since i'm feeling a little...wrung out...creatively. i don't think emma&max's story is done quite yet but i also need to take a pause. i'll put together a little update post later this afternoon in case anyone is interested in what my summer plans are. OKAY! onto part seven!! word count: 6.8k

hurricane master list main master list ask me anything

The low hum of conversation and the clinking of silverware filled the trendy Miami restaurant that Charles had chosen. If it had been up to Max, he’d be back in his hotel room stewing over the fact that it was now Friday evening and Emma was still avoiding him. He picked at his fish, the Michelin starred chef’s excellently seared salmon tasing like ash in his mouth. Across the table, Charles was droning on about…something. What it was, Max wasn’t quite sure but his friend’s usual charm filled the space that Max couldn’t be bothered to worry about. Because Max was distracted, he was only catching snippets of the conversation, his attention constantly flitting to his phone that was lying face-up on the table beside him. 

No new messages. Not a single text from Emma since before sprint qualifying yesterday, and even that one had been a cool and even toned ‘they’re waiting for you in the media pen.’ She’d been the epitome of professional since they’d arrived in Miami but there was a slight edge to it now. It was still the same Emma that he’d come to know: competent, organized, ensuring that his schedule was strictly adhered to but there was something missing. The easy banter, the shared smiles, the comfortable intimacy that had begun to blossom between them since Emma had joined him in Japan had seemingly vanished overnight. 

She’d excused herself early again tonight, saying the jet lag was hitting her harder for some reason and that she’d wanted to get some sleep ahead of the sprint race tomorrow morning. Max hadn’t pushed but her icing him out had the panic building in his chest. The memory of falling asleep with Emma wrapped around him, the smell of her floral shampoo comforting him in a way he wasn’t familiar with was like an ache that he couldn’t make better. She hadn’t seemed uncomfortable that night, hadn’t seemed like he was pushing her too far. Maybe he had read it all wrong though because the memory of waking up alone that next morning was sharp and painful, blotting out the way he’d felt with Emma in his bed. 

He’d tried, of course, since they’d arrived in Miami. A few casual remarks during the pilates class on Thursday, an inside joke cracked softly amidst the bustle of the garage in between practice and sprint qualifying earlier in the day. They were desperate attempts to bridge this awkward chasm that Max was seemingly responsible for creating but nothing had worked. He’d been met with bright, almost brittle, friendliness that felt more like a shield than an invitation. 

It was driving him insane. 

Charles’ laughter faded as he noticed Max tapping his phone for what felt like the fiftieth time that night. He leaned forward slightly, something like concern playing on his face. “Everything alright? You seem a bit preoccupied tonight.” 

Max forced what he hoped looked like a nonchalant shrug, picking at a stray piece of potato on his plate. “Fine.” He clipped. “Just tired. Long day of dragging that car to places it doesn’t belong.” 

A wry, understanding smile ghosted across Charles’ face. “You usually handle that shit like it’s a walk in the park. You’ve been…” He pauses, looking at his friend thoughtfully. Charles had known Max for a long time, since they were children, so he was fairly confident in his ability to read the moods of the Dutchman. “Off since you got here. Did something happen earlier this week?” 

Max knew he was asking specifically about Emma. His jaw tightened, the muscle there fluttering as he tried to choose how to evade giving Charles a real answer. Charles senses that there’s more behind Max’s silence and he lets the question hang in the air between them for longer than he normally would. Lifting his wine glass, Charles takes a sip, casually observing Max over the rim. 

“It just seems like there’s tension there. Between you and Emma, that is.” He stated it like it was a fact, not a question. Max hated how easily Charles was able to read him. “She’s usually around during media day and in the garage. I don’t think I saw her leave Red Bull hospitality all day.” 

Max finally meets Charles’ gaze, a flicker of annoyance crossing his features. “She was just working, Charles. Catching up on things. Race weekends are busy, Miami especially.” 

Charles raised an eyebrow. “Emma is never that quiet in the paddock, you know that. Even when she’s working, she’s usually lobbing sarcastic comments at Lando. Those two bicker like brother and sister most of the time. I think Ollie and Kimi were a little lost without her. They both asked me twice if I’d seen her and if I thought that she was mad at them.” He pauses again, choosing his words carefully. He knows Max and his propensity to shut down if challenged too hard. “You’re different too. You’ve been quieter than normal, distracted. Anxious even.” He leans closer, his voice dropping slightly. “Everything okay between you two?”  

Max hesitated for just a beat too long and Charles saw the walls crack open. He took a long sip of water, the cold doing little to cool the heated anxiety rising in his chest. He trusted Charles, more than most, and the weight of the anxiety that had been sitting in his stomach like a ball of lead for the last three days was unbearable. 

“Nope.” He admits, letting the singular word hang in the air like a confession. 

Charles sets down his wine glass, look of concern etched on his face. “Alright, what happened then?” 

Max scrubbed a hand over his face, unfamiliar with this level of vulnerability. But he was going crazy living in his head over this so he knew he needed to get it out. “Do you remember that storm we had the other night?” 

Charles nodded, but remains silent otherwise. 

“She is apparently terrified of storms and she kind of…ended up sleeping in my bed.” He paused. “With me.” The words hung in the air between them, heavy with the implication of what he’d just said. 

Charles blinked, brows rising slightly as a flicker of surprise crossed his features. He’d seen the way the two had interacted around each other, anyone with eyes could see the steady undercurrent of something more than just a professional relationship wanting to form. What Charles hadn’t realized was the depth of it. “With you?” 

Max nodded, a small, almost reflexive smile touching the corner of his mouth at the memory. “Just slept, nothing more.” 

“And?” 

Max nodded again, “And I liked it. More than I should have. It felt right. Natural almost. Like she belonged there.” His smile faded then, replaced by a frown. “And she’s been avoiding me ever since. She’s being professional. Polite. But it’s not the same. Like she regrets what happened or something, like I crossed a line and she’s angry I took advantage of her or something. This whole week she’s been distant.” He pulled out his phone again, his thumb brushing over her name in his contact list. Sunshine. “I keep waiting for her to text me, for some sign that she’s not completely regretting it, or me.” 

Charles watched him as he rambled. Spiraled, really. He could see the turmoil on his friends face, the unguarded vulnerability in his eyes. “Have you talked to her about it?” He asked gently. “About what happened, how you feel.” 

Max rolled his eye, a defeated sigh escaping his lips. “I haven’t had the chance. Or I haven’t taken the chance because I���m afraid of the answer. I thought we were going in one direction and suddenly, she’s made a u-turn and I’m left trying to follow her lead. I don’t want to push her, she’s been through a lot already but this is driving me insane. I don’t know what to do, Charles.” 

“You need to talk to her, my friend. This is just going to fester and if you’re not careful, it’s going to effect your performance this weekend.” 

Max heaved a sigh, picking at the last bits of his salmon. He knew Charles was right. Of course Charles was right. He was being a coward and needed to suck it up. Emma meant more to him than this and he was allowing her to drift away. He didn’t want to lose her but from the way she was retreating from him already, Max knew hew as already headed that way. He needed to make a move and needed to make it fast. 

Picking up his phone, Max opened up the string of messages between him and Emma and typed out a quick text and hit send before he could second guess his actions. 

Hey Sunshine, I think we need to talk. 

********

The early morning sun hung low over the skyline, barely breaching the high rise buildings at Emma’s back. She sat near the water’s edge of a quiet stretch of beach, coffee in one hand, phone in the other. The text message she’d woken up to this morning stared back at her like a snake poised to bite. 

The green and white striped beach towel she’d nicked from the hotel pool was feather soft beneath her as Emma stretched out on the sand, toes pointed in a delicious stretch that she could feel beginning to burn. The beach was quiet at this time of the day, the only ones taking in the serene setting was Emma, a couple walking down the beach hand in hand, and a few seagulls. 

Emma leaned back on the palms of her hands, fingers digging deeply into the warm sand beneath her. 

As she stared out over the water watching the white tipped waves roll in over and over, her mind kept flickering back to the text message Max had sent last night. He’d called her Sunshine again and she hated the way her heart fluttered at the nickname only Max used. She’d never asked why he’d picked the nickname, just preened under the attention every time he’d used it. And then he’d said they’d needed to talk. Her stomach churned unpleasantly at the thought. Was he regretting what had happened? Was he rethinking the whole arrangement they had? Did Max want to fire her?

 How had this gotten away from her so quickly? One moment she was dealing with her anxieties the best way she knew how and the next, Max was there, trying to take care of her like no one had ever wanted to. She couldn’t be falling for Max. It just wasn’t a good idea. He was her boss. Her boss that also happened to be her best friend’s older brother. 

It was so messy. 

Emma hated messy. 

But with the mess came contentment. It had felt so right. So easy and natural, to just curl up in Max’s bed beside him, tucked into his side like she had belonged there all along. How could it be messy if it was what was supposed to happen all along? 

Emma wasn’t built for this kind of vulnerability. Not after a lifetime of self-reliance and independence. Vulnerability was terrifying and something that was for other people. She couldn’t afford it and she didn’t want to risk the only stable thing in her life. The ingrained fear of history repeating itself, of this fragile connection she’d developed with Max shattering like glass, was a constant source of anxiety for her ever since she woke up the morning before.  

She rubbed at her temples, the bright sunlight beating down on her from the height of its daily trek across the sky, doing little to help the spiraling she was doing. 

Enough. 

Enough of this overthinking. 

Emma knew herself well enough to know that she needed help to get out of this hole she was digging herself deeper and deeper. She couldn’t go to Max. And her mother was out of the question, she still hadn’t spoken to Gloria since the day she had accused Emma of sleeping with Max (ironic, considering the position she was in right now). She reached for her phone and begun to scroll through her contacts. Her finger hovered over Victoria’s contact. Could she go to Vic for this? She’d always been there for Emma in the past, when her overthinking had gotten the best of her. But this was about her brother of all people. There was no way to pretend she was spiraling about another person, Vic would see right through her. 

You’ve got to trust her. A small voice whispered in Emma’s head as she debated what she should do. Vic is your best friend. It’ll be okay. 

Drawing in a deep breath, Emma hit Victoria’s contact before listening to it ring. 

“Bestie!!!” Victoria picked up on only the second ring, voice cheerful and happy. It had been a while since the two had been able to catch up and Emma grinned at the sound of her best friend’s voice. “How’s Miami?” 

Emma leaned back on the beach towel, closing her eyes. “Hot.” She groaned. 

“I bet. I don’t know why the FIA thought Florida in May was a good idea.”

“Especially after two straight weeks in the Middle East too. Like, have some mercy on us.” 

Victoria chuckled. In the background, Emma could hear the sounds of her 2 boys playing together. “So, how are things going with Max? Is he being nice to you?” 

Emma had to tamp down a laugh at the sheer absurdity of the question. “He’s fine. More than fine, actually.” She said, voice shaky. 

That seemed to pique Victoria’s interest. “Oh?” 

If there was one thing that Victoria was good at, it was letting Emma talk at her own pace. She could tell there was something there, something deeper going on that had prompted the call from the way Emma ended that sentence but she knew better than to push. Victoria knew that pushing Emma on anything would only result in her shutting down. From the way her voice wavered when she had answered her question, Victoria knew that this was going to take a little cajoling. 

“You know how we got that really bad storm in Monaco Tuesday night?” 

“Yeah. It sounded pretty crazy from your texts. You’re not the biggest fan of thunderstorms, are you?” 

Emma chuckled, dragging a single finger through the sun-warmed sand. “Not at all.” 

“So…” Victoria prompted again, patiently waiting for her best friend to spill. 

“Once we stopped texting, I was all alone and I started to get really anxious. So anxious that I started baking.” 

On the other end of the line, Victoria winced. She knew Emma stress-baked while she was anxious but it usually had to be pretty bad for her to switch the oven on that late at night. She idly wondered where her brother was going to come into play in this story. 

“And then Max found me in his kitchen at 2 in the morning.” 

“He did? Was he sleepwalking? Usually once that man is asleep, he is out for the night.” 

Emma was surprised to hear this because she knew how quiet she had been that night. It made her wonder why Max had woken up in the first place. She had just assumed he was a light sleeper and that she had been too loud. 

“No, he was wide awake. I think the lights in the kitchen woke him up or something.” 

Another beat of silence. Victoria was clearly trying to piece things together. Emma knew she was dragging the story out far too dramatically but she was seriously reconsidering what she was about to confess. “And then what happened?” Victoria asked softly. 

Emma hesitated, the image of Max’s concerned face in the dim kitchen light flashing through her mind. “He…he was really nice about it, Vic. He didn’t make fun of me for being scared, didn’t say I was being stupid or say my baking was a dumb or anything. He just, sort of stayed. And then the storm got worse and…” Emma draws in a big breath, closing her eyes. “And by then it was nearly 3 in the morning and we had a flight to catch, so he wanted me to get some sleep but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep so he asked if I wanted to try sleeping with him…” 

The last bit of the story comes out in a hurried rush and Emma shuts her eyes tight as soon as the truth is out in the open. For a moment, Victoria is quiet, like she was trying to figure out how to respond. “You slept with him in his bed?” 

Emma can’t read her best friend’s tone so she just replies with a simple “Yeah.” Before she squeezes her eyes tighter. Here it comes. The anger. The explosion. The accusal of betrayal. 

A longer silence stretched between them. Emma could practically hear Victoria’s mind racing all the way across the Atlantic Ocean. 

Finally, Victoria was able to form a proper sentence. “Well, it’s about damn time.” 

“Wait. What?” Emma’s head spins. “You’re not mad? Worried? Disappointed?” 

“Mad? Oh my God, Em! I’ve been waiting for something like this to happen between you two since like, day one. Disappointed? Why on earth would I be disappointed? My best friend might be finally be realizing what an amazing guy my incredibly stubborn brother is!” 

Emma let out a shaky laugh, the butterflies in her stomach settling into something almost manageable as she realized her feelings for Max might not cost her her best friend. “It’s so complicated though, Vic! He’s my boss! I could lose my job. What if it was just a one time thing? A pity snuggle, if you will?” 

The laugh that bursts out of Victoria has Emma laughing uncertainly herself. “I’m dying at the term ‘pity snuggle’, please. Max hates being touched, hates people in his space so the fact that he allowed you to sleep in his bed? That man is down bad for you.” 

“I don’t know, Vic. What if I’m reading way too much into this? And I ruin our friendship? I don’t want to lose him in my life. I don’t want to mess this up.” 

“Okay, hold on. Breathe.” Victoria says firmly. “First of all, you’re amazing at your job. There’s no way he would ever fire you, the entire senior leadership team at Red Bull would riot. You’ve whipped that man into shape quicker than anyone on staff has been able to. Secondly, my brother may be a stupid idiot, but he’s not cruel. If he didn’t have feelings for you, he wouldn’t have had you in his bed, he wouldn’t have comforted you like that.” Victoria pauses for a moment, as if she wants to let Emma absorb everything that she’s saying. “And third, I know you have your reasons to be caution and to not trust someone’s intentions but Max isn’t them, Em. He’s a decent guy when he’s not yelling at GP about how shit his steering is.” 

Emma snort laughed at that but found herself nodding along. “I know.” She whispered, willing her head to go along with the logic that her heart was already trying to follow. “He texted me last night. I didn’t see it until this morning but he wants to talk.”

“Okay! This is good!” Victoria started. 

“Good? Vic! No one ever started a good conversation off with ‘we need to talk’. Never!” 

Victoria hummed, “See, normally you’re right but this is Max we’re talking about. He texts like a 70 year old most of the time, he probably just thought this was easiest.” 

Emma squinted at the horizon. That didn’t quite sound like the Max she knew. He was always texting her. Stories about what Helmut was bitching about that day, questions about her day, quick check-ins. But, she reminded herself, this was Victoria’s brother so she probably knew better. 

“Just see what he has to say and then go from there. Because I’m guessing that you’ve spent the last however many days spiraling in your head.” 

“I hate how predictable I am.” Emma grumbled, rolling her eyes. 

Victora chuckles, “Please for the love of all that is holy, my dear, stop overthinking everything that happens. It’s okay to maybe allow yourself to want this, Em.” 

And that was the exact problem, wasn’t it? Because if Emma started to want this thing between her and Max to take root in her heart and grow into something, that meant opening herself up to a new level of hurt she wasn’t even sure she’d be able to ever come back from. 

********

‘Yeah, I think we do. After the sprint today though. Focus on the race, k? 

Max stared down at the text Emma had sent him a few hours ago. He’d been at the track early, preferring to spend the morning of a race day alone, getting into his head. Sometimes Emma drove with him but more often than not, she found her way to the track on her own. Max hadn’t even bothered asking her if she wanted to come with him because his text had gone unanswered last night. Anxiety had churned in his stomach until well past midnight. He assumed she had just fallen asleep early but the ‘what ifs’ played over and over in his head until the sleep had finally swept him under. 

The reply had come just as he was walking out of his hotel room, the relief of Emma finally answering him had felt like a cold splash of water in the middle of the Miami heat. He wasn’t entirely sure how he was supposed to focus on anything other than finally getting everything out in the open though. If he’d had his way, Max would have gone right over to her room that morning before leaving but he knew he shouldn’t push her. 

He knew Emma’s routine on a race weekend by now and as he checked his watch for what felt like the fifth time in sixty seconds, he frowned. She was late. He scanned the Red Bull hospitality suite looking for the familiar shock of long blonde hair, listened for her laugh but…nothing. 

“Hey, Laurie, have you seen Emma?” 

The PR intern that Emma was particularly close with swiveled her head in Max’s direction, cheeks going a bit pink. “Oh! Um! No, not this morning. She was still getting ready when I had to leave so she said she’d grab an Uber.” 

Max frowned. It was nearly time for him to get in the car for the sprint race. It was pouring rain, a random storm popping up wasn’t unheard of in the spring but the torrent of rain that beat against the windows was going to make the sprint race interesting for sure. They were already talking about a delay. Max was hoping the rain would hold though. He drove his best in the wet and he’d need every ounce of luck he had to pull out a decent finish today.

“It’s going to take her forever to get here, what with the traffic and now with this rain.” He murmured, more to himself than to Laurie, who looked like she didn’t quite know how to respond. His eyes flicked over to the brunette, seemingly suddenly realizing that she was still waiting for him to talk. “Will you let me know if she shows up?” 

Laurie nodded, a smile touching her lips before she turned around to continue on her way. 

Max glanced at his phone again. He needed to get changed and then over to the garage for some last minute prep. He couldn’t hang around the hospitality area for much longer but there was something twisting in his stomach at the thought of not seeing Emma before he got in the car. It made him uncomfortable, not knowing if she was going to make it or not. Not knowing what she was going to say after the race. She could be prepared to end it right then. Maybe that was why she was late, she was busy trying to find a flight home or figure out what she was going to do after she quit. 

“Max, you’ve got to start getting ready.” Rupert appears over his shoulder suddenly, tapping at his watch. 

Max nodded, glancing at the door one last time. “Yeah. I’m going. Hey, if you see Emma can you let her know I’m looking for her.” 

Rupert nodded, “Of course. She’ll be here soon, I’m sure.” 

Max started towards the stairs that led to his drivers room as he pulled out his phone to type a message. Everything okay? You’re usually not this late…am I going to see you before I get in the car?

Three dots appeared almost instantly and then disappeared. Appeared again for a beat and then a message: traffic is a fucking nightmare. I’m so sorry I’m late, I’m trying. 

Max shucked off his team kit before slipping into his fireproofs and race suit. As he started out towards the garage, he replied: Not mad, just be safe. 

He tucked his phone back in his pocket, anxiety somewhat calmed knowing that Emma was on her way and wasn’t trying to flee the country. Max was finally able to switch into racing mode for what felt like the first time all day. He was meticulous about it, his preparation. Check in with GP, talk about setup, take a look at track conditions (terrible) and the weather (even worse), and then it was helmet on and time to focus. 

There was still a bit of his attention that was elsewhere. Out of the corner of his eye, every flash of blonde caught his eye, tricking him into thinking it was Emma but as Max slipped on his racing boots, listening to GP talk about final setups he was still looking for her. 

“Alright, lets get onto the grid. The race will probably be delayed because of the rain but they want us out there now.” GP said in his ear, yanking Max’s focus back to what mattered. 

He’d have to get into the car without seeing her and it was driving him insane. 

And then he saw it. 

A flash of blonde hair followed by the voice that he could pick out of a loud room with ease. Emma. She had just jogged into the garage, gauzy white maxi skit swishing at her feet. She was flushed and slightly out of breath, like she’d run in from the paddock. Max was surprised to see one of his team jackets around her shoulders, a few sizes too big for her petite frame. 

He was already half-way into the car, there was no way he could get out to go see her without causing a scene, something that he knew she wouldn’t like. So he settled for eye contact and a wink, both of which drew a small smile from her and it was enough to allow Max to focus on the task at hand. 

And then the race went completely sideways. 

*******

Emma watched in horror from the garage as Max’s race fell apart. 

A pit lane mistake. 

Damaged front wing. 

Ten second penalty. 

The sight of his name tumbling down to the bottom of the timing tower. 

Everything went so bad so quick and Emma had to just sit and watch the entire thing play out in front of her. She had flashbacks to Bahrain, how angry Max had been with the team and himself afterwards. This was going to be worse. The mistake by the crew was inexcusable and from her spot in the viewing area in the garage, she could practically see steam pouring out of Christian’s ears. 

She watched at Max got out of the car, do his post-race check-in with the FIA, and then make a beeline out of the garage. He didn’t even stop to say anything to GP, didn’t take his helmet off, nothing. She’d never seen him this angry and she didn’t quite know what to do. Part of her wanted to go running after him but Emma didn’t quite know her place here. She was his assistant, not family. She didn’t know if he’d want to see her, talk to her, especially with this thing they had hanging heavy between them. Now wasn’t the time to bring up personal shit, she knew that. Especially when she knew Max was going to have to regroup in just a few hours and somehow put together a good qualifying session. 

“Emma.” Her head snapped in the direction of her name being called. She was surprised to see it was GP. “Go make sure he’s okay, yeah?” 

Emma bit her lip, eyes bouncing between where the engineer stood and the door that Max had just stormed out of. “Are you sure?” 

GP nodded, removing his headset and placing it on the counter beside him. “You’re probably the only who he’ll see right now. He needs you.” 

Emma’s heart thudded at GP’s words. She didn’t know if she trusted her instincts here but she trusted GP, he’d known Max for years. Emma nodded, something in her chest clicking into place, a surge of nervous energy cutting through her. She didn’t hesitate, turning and practically jogging towards the door Max had just disappeared through. She knew the layout of the paddock well enough to know that he was probably on his way back to his drivers room at the back of Red Bull’s hospitality. 

Getting through the crowded paddock wasn’t all that difficult and before she knew it, Emma was standing outside the door of Max’s drivers room, her hand hovering over the cool metal handle. A thousand things raced through her mind. Was there anything helpful she could say in the moment? Was GP right, did he need her? Would he even want to see her? Would her anxieties be proven right and would he fire her on the spot?

She needed to stop spiraling. Victoria’s words played in her head: Max wasn’t cruel. He didn’t do things that he didn’t want to. He cared about her. She wanted to badly to believe that, to know that on the other side of this door, she’d find the Max she’d begun falling for the moment he came to her rescue at Victoria’s request. 

Taking a deep breath, she knocked softly, so softly she barely made a sound against the door. Without waiting for a response, her anxiety and need to put eyes on Max, overriding any sense of propriety, she pushed it open and stepped inside. 

The room was dim, the curtains drawn against the relentless Miami sun. Max was standing at the window, his back to her, and his shoulders were slumped in a way she hadn’t seen from him since Bahrain. The air in the room was thick with raw frustration and disappointment. 

He didn’t turn around immediately and for one heart-wrenching moment, Emma wondered if she’d made a mistake. Maybe he did want to be alone. Maybe GP had been wrong and she’d overstepped once again. Her mother’s voice started to sound in her head. She’d made another mistake and this one was going to cost her. 

“Max?” She called softly, barely loud enough for him to hear. 

But he did. Max’s shoulders tensed almost imperceptibly. He remained still for another beat and then slowly, deliberately he turned. 

The sight of his face made Emma’s heart clench. His usual sharp, focused gaze was clouded with a raw mixture of anger and hurt. Jaw tight, there was a muscle twitching in his cheek, he looked lost. Heartbroken. Defeated. Vulnerable in a way that Emma knew no one else got to see. 

When his eyes focused on her, when he realized who it was that was in his room to see his despair though, something shifted. The anger didn’t completely vanish, but a flicker of surprise, then something softer, warmer, replaced some of the harshness. It was like a dam had cracked, allowing Emma a glimpse of the vulnerability he usually kept so fiercely guarded. 

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. The only sound in the room was the soft ticking of the clock that hung above the doorway behind Emma. Max’s gaze searched hers, a silent question in his stormy blue eyes. And in that moment, standing in the dim quiet of his drivers room, surrounded by the remnants of a disastrous race, all of the carefully constructed walls they had both erected to keep each other out since Monaco crumbled away like sand castles at high tide. 

All that was left was the raw, undeniable connection that had sparked between them on a sidewalk in the middle of a Monegasque neighborhood. A connection neither of them could, or would, deny any longer. Emma searched Max’s face for confirmation that she wasn’t the only one feeling the seismic shift between them. That she wasn’t alone in the way she felt the air turn warm, anticipatory almost. What she saw in Max’s eyes wasn’t the anger or frustration that had been so plainly laid across his face just moments before. No, that was gone. What she saw was a deep, almost desperate longing, a desire that she hadn’t ever seen turned in her direction in her entire life. 

In that moment, Emma knew. Emma knew so profoundly and certainly that GP had been right. Max did need her. And more than that, she realized that she terrifyingly, desperately, needed Max too. Needed him in a way that she had never let herself need someone before because she’d never been allowed to need someone in the way that she needed Max. It was almost a need on a molecular level. A magnetic level. 

“You came.” Max said roughly, almost a whisper, as if he couldn’t quite wrap his brain around the fact that she had come after him. The anger still simmered beneath the surface, that was evident in the tightness of his jaw, but the surprise of seeing Emma there in his drivers room, still tucked into his jacket, had momentarily eclipsed it. 

Emma’s heart clenched at the need in his voice, the statement that was so raw and vulnerable. “Of course I did.” She replied softly, her voice trembling a bit. She took a small step further into the room. “You needed me.” It wasn’t a question, just a simple statement of fact, finally a recognition of the bond that had formed between them over the last weeks they’d spent together. 

With one statement, one look, the professional boundaries, the carefully constructed walls, meant nothing. All that mattered was the fact that both Emma and Max were finally ready to admit there was something raw and real between them, something that couldn’t be denied any longer because it was making the both of them miserable. 

A flicker of something that looked a lot like relief washed over Max’s face, softening the harsh lines of the lingering anger. He took one step. And then another. One last one and he had closed the distance between them. His eyes searched hers, a silent plea for reassurance. He didn’t want to make the same mistake as before, didn’t want to push her into something that she regretted. But something in Max’s heart told him that the night in Monaco that he’d held her until she’d felt safe enough to sleep wasn’t a mistake, it hadn’t been something she regretted. 

Without another word, without hesitation, he reached out, his rough hands framing the softness of her face. His thumbs brushed softly against her cheeks, the touch sending a delicious shiver down her spine. Emma’s breath caught, her own hands rising instinctively to capture his wrists, fingers gripping him tightly. 

His gaze dropped to hers for one single, fleeting moment and a silent question passed between them. They both knew that there was no going back after this. If they crossed this line, everything was going to change. Everything would become real, the feelings that had been simmering just below the surface would be out in the open. No take backs. Nothing. It was a prospect that both terrified and thrilled Emma as she let her eyes dip from Max’s intense gaze down to his lips and quickly back up again.

And then, Max closed the remaining distance, his mouth finding hers in a kiss that was both desperate and tender all at the same time. It wasn’t a gently brush like the almost-kiss in Monaco. This was a calming kiss. A release of all the pent-up emotions, the fear, the longing, the unspoken connection that had been simmering between them since the moment Max had rescued her in his green Aston Martin. 

Emma met his kiss with a fervor of her own. All of her anxieties and uncertainties melted away the moment Max’s lips pressed into hers, warm and unyielding, demanding and gentle all at the same time. The world outside of the room they stood in ceased to exist. The disastrous race, the difficult season, the weight of a difficult family situation. It all fell away and the world around them quieted. 

The kiss deepened, the initial urgency softening into tender exploration. Max’s hands tightened slightly on Emma’s face, his thumb stroking her cheek gently as his lips moved over hers with a sort of reverence she had never felt before. Emma leaned into the kiss, her own hands sliding up his arms, the rough fabric of his race suit scratching against the palms of her hands. The lingering scent of burnt rubber and motor oil clung to him but none of that mattered to Emma. All that mattered was that Max was kissing her and she had never felt like this in her entire life. 

His lips parted slightly, his tongue tracing the seam of her lips and Emma opened for him, sighing with relief at the feeling of having him so close. Her hips tipped forward, desperate for their own friction and Max dropped a hand to her waist, pulling her impossibly closer into his body. He needed to be closer to her, needed to feel how she responded to him, how she opened for him in a desperate attempt to show him how much she needed him, wanted him. 

The anxiety that had been a constant companion to them both over the last few days began to recede, replaced by a warmth that shimmered between them. Something clicked into place and it was like this was how it was always supposed to be. Emma’s arms instinctively circled his neck, her fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck. The nearness of him, the solid feel of his body against hers, it all felt like coming home. It was a sense of belonging with someone, to someone, that Emma hadn’t realized she’d been searching for. 

The kiss finally softened, their lips parting with a soft sigh. A breathess silence hung between them for a moment, the weight of the past few days lifting with each breath. Emma’s forehead rested against Max’s chest, the steady beat of his heart a comforting rhythm. 

A small smile tugged at the corner of Max’s lips. “Well,” He murmured into her hair, voice still husky. “That definitely wasn’t in your job description.” 

Emma chuckled, pulling back slightly to look up at him, cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink. Max decided then and there that shade of pink was his new favorite color. “Hmm…” she mused, grinning wickedly. “Maybe I should add ‘proficient in stress-reducing strategies’ to my resume now. Think HR will approve?” 

Max’s grin widened, the tension that had been clouding his features since Emma had walked through the door finally easing. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the curve of her neck, the warmth of his mouth on her skin sending a shiver down Emma’s spine. 

“As much as I’d like to thoroughly discuss the finer points of that particular skill set,” He murmured against her skin, “I think the FIA might have something to say about me me missing the entirety of my media duties if I don’t get into the media pen in the next ten minutes.” He pulled away slightly, a wry smile on his face. 

Emma shook her head, “Who would’ve thought it would be you reminding me about being on time to media duties.” 

Max rolled his eyes before turning to grab his water bottle from the couch behind him. When he faced Emma again, his heart clenched at the sheer happiness sitting brightly on her face. He decided then and there that he’d spend the rest of his life making sure Emma always looked like that when she looked at him.

 “Come on, Sunshine,” He started, holding his hand out to twine his fingers with his. “We don’t want to keep the media waiting.”  

[sorryitsmyfirstdayonearth]

Lie

(Sam Winchester x female reader)

Summary Sam never stopped wanting you. So when Ruby possesses you for a case and offers you to him, is he strong enough to say no? CWs: non con/extreme dub con! Do not read if that makes you uncomfortable. Scheming Ruby. Sam at his darkest. Possessed!reader. 18+. 1.9k words

Sam Winchester masterlist ⏐ SPN masterlist

It’s a bad plan, that much is clear, but it’s the only one you have.

When Sam shows up at your door, a year after you’ve last seen him, after what you had has ended, when he tells you his brother is in hell and that he needs your help, you should have shut the door in his face. But of course you don't.

Then, when you see her, the beautiful she-demon with the long dark hair and the face straight out of a classical painting, you should turn around on the spot. But again, you don't.

Why? You don’t know. You don’t know if you still have feelings for Sam, but the bittersweet pain you feel around him is somehow drawing you in, making you stay, making you help him. You see the two together and suddenly it’s clear, clear that there is something between them. Sam and Ruby. Ruby and Sam. You want him, and you hate yourself for wanting him.

At one point, you and Sam get into an argument, because you’re being dismissive of him and at the end of it, you look him up and down, disgust on your face.

“You’re so broken,” you say, and something sets in his face, something deep and violent.

The details of the plan aren’t important – the gist is that Ruby needs to not look like Ruby for a little bit, meaning that she needs to possess someone else. Sam’s against that, because of course he is, because he can never get off his high horse. The thought sneaks up on you before Ruby’s dark eyes even land on you.

“I could use her,” she says, and a shiver runs over you.

Which is how you end up willingly letting her in – not that she needs you to say yes, but she makes it a whole spiel that she wants you to. She disgusts you, but also you can’t deny that the double-meaning behind her words is making something twist in you. With Sam there in the same room, the air feels like it’s on fire.

So Ruby possesses you. She gets done what she needs to get done and then comes back to Sam, still in your body. You don’t know about any of this, because you are slumbering deep inside yourself.

Maybe it’s for the best.

Ruby doesn’t miss the way Sam scans your body when she walks in. She hasn’t missed any of the times he’s looked at you.

Is she jealous? No. She wants Sam for purely practical reasons. She needs him desperate and isolated. With Dean gone and the demon blood, he’s already pretty ruined. But she thinks there’s more to be done, there’s room for improvement. She needs him broken.

She tells Sam the work is done, and he says that means she can stop possessing you.

“Or,” Ruby says in your voice, “I could stay a little longer.”

It’s not like Sam couldn’t exorcize her with how strong he’s been getting. But he just frowns, not understanding, and Ruby wants to cackle. God, he is so predictable.

He’s gonna pretend he doesn’t want any of this, that this is wrong, etcetera, etcetera. He was the same when he started fucking her in her other body, the brain-dead one. But as usual, Sam Winchester will break sooner or later. That’s what always happens.

Ruby makes her intentions clear when she walks your body towards where Sam is sitting. Hips swaying, looking at him through your lashes. She’s basically offering you up on a silver platter, and Sam doesn’t move, pretends he has no idea what’s going on, the innocent lamb, until you’re right in front of him, run your hand up his sculpted chest, cup his face. Sam jerks back, horrified, disgusted.

“What are you doing?” he asks and his voice is actually shaking. Ruby could squeal.

“I know you miss her,” she says in your voice, then corrects herself: “Miss me. I miss you too.” Sam shakes his head.

“She wouldn’t have to know,” Ruby says, voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “I can hide it from her, Sam. She never needs to know.”

Sam’s eyes widen. If he was wearing pearls, he would be clutching them now. Ruby likes this game, but sometimes she needs to fight tooth and nail not to roll her eyes at the sensitive hunter.

“No!” Sam says, getting up, walking away from her to the other end of the room. But Ruby knows, she can see. She knows Sam’s body well enough to see that he’s already responding. Maybe she’ll make him drink from you. She’d have to think of a lie to cover up the wound, but it might be worth it to drag Sam deeper into the arms of depravity.

Now Ruby switches her approach. She mimics you, your proper and decent and good ways, the way you are so fucking earnest, just like Sam. It makes her want to barf.

“Sam,” she says, and it’s coming out the way you say it. “It’s okay. Just be with me.” Sam’s eyes narrow at her and Ruby smiles softly.

To give Sam some credit, he holds out for a long time. Ruby almost begins to wonder if he’s not gonna do it. But when she drops you to your knees in front of him, begging to be touched, to be fucked, it’s more than even he can take.

Sam grabs your arm, wraps a large hand around your biceps and pulls you up, lips meeting in a hungry battle. She makes you hold his face and give a heady moan when Sam presses his mouth against your jaw, travels along its line.

She can see the turmoil in him in how to do it. He hates Ruby and always fucks her roughly in the other body, like he hates her guts. Uses her like she’s just a thing – oh, she would love for you to see him like that, to see your sweet Sam so depraved, so selfish. Ruby doesn’t feel any of it so she couldn’t care less, but if there was a real girl inside her, she’d be walking sideways the next day.

He loves you, though, or something like it, and the want and yearning and neediness comes out. His hands rip at your clothes, so desperate is he to get to the flesh and skin underneath, and Ruby makes a mental note to hide the clothes, or throw them away so you are kept in the dark.

That, or leave them for you to find. God, she’s a genius. Lilith would be so proud.

Sam fingers you open, then drops his mouth to your pussy, eats you out like a man starving. Ruby does her best porn star impression, throws your head back, grinds against him, moans, yes Sam, don’t stop, oh God, please don’t stop, yes, you feel so good, you’re gonna make me come so hard.

She fakes an intense orgasm, makes you whimper and your thighs twitch. Makes you grab the back of Sam’s head in the hope of somehow bringing him closer. He gives a deep groan, mouth still clamped to your cunt, and she feels the vibrations of it, even though they do nothing for her.

Then he lays you on your back. He takes his time grinding into you, careful not to hurt you but then Ruby makes you roll your toes, bite your lip, squeeze him inside of you, and he loses it. Starts fucking into you roughly, and with his considerable size, Ruby knows you’ll feel him tomorrow. She can’t help but smile at that and Sam, humongous idiot that he is, dips down, kisses your lips.

“I miss you so much,” he pants and Ruby wraps your arms around his neck, pulls him in because it’s the only way she can hide the broad grin on your face.

When Sam comes he wraps his hand into your hair, presses his forehead against yours. Looks deep into your eyes as his balls pull up and he empties himself into you. Ruby makes you moan again, brows pulled together while she pretends you’re having a hard time keeping your eyes open. She runs your hands over Sam’s back, not using her nails the way she does usually.

Sam moves to pull out of you, but Ruby holds him close with one arm, while the other wanders between your two bodies and she starts petting your clit. The smile on her is genuine. You’re a soft thing, and if the circumstances were different, Ruby might have her fun with you. She keeps rubbing, Sam watching in rapt fascination.

This orgasm is real, and Ruby feels it all the way to the roots of your hair. She can’t always experience what her meatsuit feels, but this time she does. The desperate whine she draws from you makes her shiver, and it takes her a long time to catch her breath.

Afterwards, she pretends to fall asleep. Sam knows of course that she doesn’t need sleep, but he seems to crave the illusion of it, the lie. He lies next to your body, runs his fingers over you ever so gently.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, and his voice is thick with tears and horror at his own actions. Ruby just keeps her eyes shut. You need your rest.

You wake up, stretch on the motel bed.

Jesus, you’ve never been possessed, but you didn’t think it would feel like this. Like a hangover, in a way. You feel soreness and you can’t locate it right away and when you do, it doesn’t make any sense.

“Hey, sleep well?” you hear and look over. Sam’s on the other motel bed, laptop propped up before him. His words are casual, but he looks unwell. Shaky, pale. His smile is forced. As you sit up, you wonder if he’s coming down with something.

You don’t remember falling asleep. You don’t remember anything from the moment when Ruby possessed you. As you look down yourself, you see your clothes and it startles you for a moment. You’re sure you were wearing something else. But maybe you’re wrong. Possession really is like a bad hangover.

Speaking of Ruby, she walks in from the bathroom, and just as you wonder what a demon needs the bathroom for, she smiles at you. A beautiful, soft smile, that could almost make you think she isn’t an abomination from Hell. You stretch your shoulders. Her eyes on you make you feel nervous. She won’t stop looking at you. Then suddenly she moves.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to it,” she says, and she’s also trying to sound casual. You look over at Sam, and he’s avoiding your gaze. Something blooms in you, something uncomfortable. Something you can’t name but it settles in you like a heavy stone.

Ruby leaves and then it’s just you and Sam. He drives you home, the work done, and when you arrive, you turn to him.

“I’m sorry about what I said to you, about you being broken,” you say to him, because it’s the only reason you can see for his strange behavior.

 “That’s okay,” Sam says, hands wrapped tight around the steering wheel, staring straight ahead.

There’s nothing more to say. You tell Sam to call you when he’s in the area. These past days have made it clear to you that there is still something between you two. And Sam really seems like he might need someone in his corner right now.

You get out of the car and look back. It might be a trick of the light, but you think you see tears in Sam’s eyes. Then he drives off.

You never hear from him again.

[crustyfloor]

(excuse to talk about one of my favorite cure scenes and ramble) Ivan's message as a character who chooses to not confront his feelings and doesn't find the words to describe them because they're so jumbled and unusual, makes it interesting when we see him express himself with actions rather than words, because action comes more easily to him rather than some complexities he won't put a name to or think about, in fact, Ivan doesn't consider himself capable of being so naturally attuned to emotions like others can be, it's just a fact to him, there must be something fundamentally "wrong" with him that separates him from others who have the ability. After all the years of suppressing and constructing a version of himself that didn't feel, for the sake of keeping control in an environment where, by all means, for him, emotions were a liability. He would not allow his weaknesses to come to light. It was simpler to live that kind of life instead of the alternative. I'm sure that's why he was so intensely fixated on Till, after finding someone who embodied everything Ivan believed he couldn't have and lacked within himself, sticking to Till and observing him was like a study

Ivan didn't learn basic concepts about emotions, so most of his behavioral issues stem from his upbringing. Ivan may believe empathy and kindness wouldn't come as naturally to him as others because Ivan is dispassionate about most things in his life, because he has to be, so much so that it gives the impression that Ivan doesn't feel at all. I love this scene in Cure because it shines light on the anger and compassion Ivan does feel, and it's for another person, for Till, whom Ivan can't help but have most of his passionate feelings and moments for.

Such a rare instance of gentleness from someone who otherwise wouldn't so easily give it reflects so strongly on Ivan as a character, he's seen Till so endlessly sympathetic and kind-hearted, Till as a person makes Ivan's deep and intense feelings come to the surface inevtibly even if it's hard to put a word to exactly what he feels, especially in that moment, so much to be said but nothing to say. But it's instinct to care, even though he wasn't shown that pity was something to give- his misery was met with mistreatment and punishment in his childhood, but something about seeing Till in such a state reveals a different side of him from the side that he would usually direct onto himself; he empathizes. Even if he doesn't know exactly what he's doing, and he's just clumsily nuzzling his face against Till's

A part of Ivan's character is a constant journey and exercise in expression, recognizing emotions, and in this case (compassion). Ivan is disconnected from his environment, his whole world is bleak, and he sorts people into cateragories and calculates how to approach them, not because it's what he wants to do, but because it's what he has to do, one of the only things in his control that he can manage in that regard is how he can maintain his perception for others and how he can perceive others. The closest we come to seeing him shift from that outside of Till is Sua, and still, she was also in a category (he just placed her in the same category he was in, to be exact, because of how he observed her), so he deals with people in much the same disconnected fashion

It's just that he's different for Till. Because aforementioned, Till's presence in Ivan's life, His love for Till pries open a part of Ivan that Ivan keeps resolutely shut, the part of him that feels, feels too deeply to be confronted here and now, but he does regardless and no matter how much that has led Ivan places that would eventually make him conclude that that side of him should never come to light, he never leaves Till, his underlying intentions on giving Till the leeway and freedom he wants, first being the meteor shower, and the smaller version with the collars, children don't instinctively know how to sympathize unless their environment teaches them how to express it, but it must be instinct to care for someone who's life you prioritize even over your own, it's just not so easily understood

His cover of wiege is also a nice callback to this, what I always loved about Wiege was how soothing it was as a song, even in the cruel, upside down world they live in, they still find comfort where they can in others and in healing through sharing it, in dreaming that things will be or could've been better even if something darker is looming over them.

Let a child who has never sung a lullaby, and like most in their world, didn't grow up happy and comforted, sing a lullaby and come in contact with that part of himself that only comes rarely, that he doesn't believe he is good enough to have had in the first place, the gentleness that is often pushed down for the facade of resignation and indifference. Ivan would never properly come to accept that he could. He has spent his whole life convincing himself he's just an unlovable person, and the people around him, and the way he perceived them, were a confirmation that he indeed didn't belong and wasn't a person capable of loving or being loved in return

These are lessons Ivan never came to learn because he was too adamant on a simplicity, that was the result of his insecurity and fears but simple enough for him to accept and live with, Nowhere is the best telling of this because the song lays out why he is the way he is, how he perceives the world as unforgiving and cruel and ultimately not where he can exist, his existence is like an (anomaly), even in the small moments of peace and love that exists between humans, he's an observer watching from the outside in and he's living day by day in a blur and he doesn't ask questions or try to change anything about it. Although it's an unfortunate situation to be in, loneliness isn't as pitiful as it may appear to be, and Ivan's method of self-isolation and coldness to the world keeps him alive and in control, so he allows himself to fill that role because ultimately, he fears confronting that all of his beliefs were wrong and questioning himself, he fears shifting from that role. After all, accepting some truths that we understand is something he can't afford to let consume him; he can't afford to fully see himself or trust Till with his feelings, not when it can hurt him (again), not when he can perceive him, perhaps even prove him wrong (Because if it were any more obvious that Till cared for him, Ivan would have to rethink everything about his "I'm not a person anyone can truly understand or love" belief, he does everything to convince himself that he's nothing to Till because he's so sure). It's simple to believe that this one-sided desperation is just something he has to live with and is the result of the kind of person he is, and not something he's miscalculating.

It's hard to interpret why Ivan's self-soothing mechanisms and the way he cares are so convoluted, but when he's so resolute in the notion that he's unable to be like others and usually won't let himself be so open to vulnerability because on the inside he doesn't think anyone as twisted, impure such as himself could, not without doing something wrong or something that he'd regret. But loving Till and observing him was a gateway to learning how to do the same back, even if it's this much, a hesitant, vulnerable, human gentleness that he doesn't know what to do with, (In this way, I like to think those moments in their childhood taught him some little things that children would usually learn from their caretakers, if that makes sense... Ivan is like a sponge to me, so I think just like that comic where they were telling a flower to cheer up, Till's compassionate character taught him more things about what it is to be human.)

[daemyra-fire]

My thoughts on E7 S6

After all… it wasn't that bad… in fact, I loved it.

I think first of all, June needs to open her eyes to her reality. Everything people sacrifice for her and don't measure the consequences. It's time for her to understand that everything has repercussions.

The scene after the closet. I thought June would be furious and scream, but that wasn't the case. She was in shock and analyzing everything. Meanwhile, Nick had his chance to speak and explain his point a bit. But June doesn't hate him; she's disappointed. She's different, and we have something to hold onto.

The car scene, I loved how dramatic June almost threw herself out of the car (she's just a girl) and her saying, "Leave me here, I'll get out here." It's a very normal couple's fight. I found that moment funny.

Now, afterward, Nick is right in what he says to June, and that doesn't make him a villain, he makes it a reality. He does everything for her, but that doesn't mean he's not a commander and an eye, and he has to stay alive, so even though it wasn't right, June also lives under that regime that she has to survive. I suppose that with time she will understand that there wasn't much else to do there. It broke my heart when he called June, and she wouldn't turn around and screamed "June" louder and you can see how much it hurt to leave… my heart ached in that scene.

Luke is a manipulator. He knows June is hurt and pushes her even harder, making her feel bad and guilty about everything. And I can't stand him. His ego is so big, and he doesn't care if it makes June less. I can't stand him. If she missed Nick, it was because Luke couldn't understand her in the slightest. And this season, that gap is even more noticeable.

Rita arrived at a very bad time because Nick was sinking in his self-hatred, so he thinks he lost June and Rita comes to reaffirm that he is being used and that he is only good for that. So I don't agree with what he said but he's right, he must be tired of being used and not feeling useful, and that helped Rita open her eyes and realize that she has to fight for herself and no one will do it for her and that's okay, Nick is devastated but I don't see him deciding to be from Gilead completely, he's just lost without the thought of June in his life.

 Who would say that Moira was the one who had the most common sense in the chapter and that I don't blame her for loving Nick, I never thought she would understand but Moira is saying things that June refused to think, she trusted him because he had never disappointed her, she loves him because he was the only good thing in Gilead and despite his mistakes she still loves him and that is what hurts the most because everyone tells her that she is wrong and she still feels love for him, and Moira was the friend she needed where everyone was judging her for her feelings and I loved that scene

Lawrence just wants to stay alive and knows he needs June to fight too, I also think he was a bit hypocritical saying that Nick can't be trusted when he's the only one he talks to and plans things with, it's like they're trying to make him less trustworthy when we know he's one of the ones who has helped everyone the most and I don't agree with this narrative

And finally, Janine, please let her stop suffering. This character lives from suffering to suffering and it's time for her to stop, for her to fight for her freedom, for them to help her get out. She's the one who has lived through Gilead the most and I need a good ending for her, for her to be able to live in peace in Canada or wherever, but for her to get out of that place.

And the revolution begins. I'm very excited because if I want everyone to pay for what they did, and Serena deserves to suffer at this point, what a blind woman. I want to see the Handmaids united and everyone fighting against Gilead. It's time for everything not to go perfectly for that oppressive country.

Among all things, it was a great episode. I didn't feel like everything was over for June and Nick, and their relationship with Luke is becoming weaker and weaker. No matter how much they both hold on, they both know at this point it's not going to work. Whether June stays with Nick or not, Luke is still not the best option, so I have faith that they'll leave him the right way. Especially since June has tried several times to leave Luke this season, and he insists they can stay together. Now that she's fighting with Nick, he's taking advantage of it, and it's not fair to be in a relationship like that.

I don't think it was as bad as I thought it would be and there's still hope and this fight is about to start for real so I'm excited for the next chapter!

[forgotteneithne]

eithne's card pull

so i was just going to pull things and then probably take a nap, haha, but then i got way too into this sooooooo... i also pulled these with the idea of the spread being 'past present future' mostly because the internet said that was an easy beginner spread but as kate mentioned in her comment, these could really interestingly be interpreted in so many other spread intentions! additionally, pretty sure i was just terrible at shuffling which is why there is a progression of numbers w/ the cups cards so... i am just deciding not to read into that TOO much ;) though i do love that the ten of cups was reversed so maybe it DOES mean something! IX CUPS wishes coming true, contentment, satisfaction, success, achievements, recognition, pleasure The emotional journey of the cups is starting to come to a close after the volatile ups and downs you faced in the earlier numbers of this suit... This is also referred as the wish card, which means that the things that you desire for, or your most perfect dream is bound to happen. The Nine of Cups is normally associated with extreme happiness and satisfaction. Pulling this as Eithne's 'past' card feels so correct because before her father's death/Roderick, even with Valentina in the house now, she was still on track for getting everything she wanted! She was going to be the lady of one of the most important counties in Astaira, she'd be working alongside two of her besties as the queen and lady of calleary... honestly everything was TOO perfect!! even though she'd lost her mother, there was still this high happening in her life when she saw this bright future and knew her path was set... until it all came crashing down. X CUPS REVERSED unhappy home, separation, domestic conflict, disharmony, isolation​ honestly i feel like this description from labyrinthos is just... perfection in terms of what is going on in house malconaire at present re: the wedding, her relationships with her step family, and also with how its affecting her sisters as well! The Ten of Cups is truly the most 'happily ever after' card, but somehow this idealized image of domestic peace and comfort is broken, or was unrealistic all along. Instead of connections, you may find distance. Instead of coming together, you may be pulling apart. this feels SO real! eithne herself is realizing that the hope/vision she had of possibly having SOME sort of decent life marrying cassimir is crumbling and that everyone was most likely right about how things would be if she married him! (side note: in @forgottencassimir 's defense-- correct me if i'm wrong lizzy!-- but i don't think it was his intention to deceive her! and maybe he's not even doing the best he could but... i really don't feel like he has as malicious intentions as some people would believe?) i think this also plays in with the relationships with her sisters & friends bc she HAS been pulling away/distancing herself from everyone because of the stress of both everyone (rightly) telling her what a terrible idea this is AND somehow feeling like she's failing them by making this choice. More from labyrinthos... As the Ten of Cups reveals itself, you should focus on redefining your personal happiness and emotional fulfillment. This card indicates a disconnect in relationships or unmet expectations, urging you to reassess what truly brings you joy.

This is DEFINITELY something Eithne should do/possibly will start doing soon! going back to the ever present theme of burden of duty, smth that she really needs to evaluate is if being the lady of malconaire is what would make her truly happy OR is there a way to still be fulfilled (by serving malconaire) but not at the expense of her own life/happiness! X PENTACLES REVERSED family disputes, bankruptcy, debt, fleeting success, conflict over money, instability, breaking traditions

In the presence of the reversed Ten of Pentacles, you are encouraged to reassess your values and priorities regarding family and legacy. This card indicates a need to break free from traditional expectations or material concerns that may be holding you back. 

so kind of like i had mentioned above, eithne will obvs haved to start facing/evaluating a lot of her priorities regarding malconaire/her family, etc! the mention of breaking free from traditional expectations sort of hits the nail on the head-- she has this vision of how to care for malconaire as lady m in a very established and traditional way but both because of cassimir/valentina having so much control now PLUS the inevitable need to flee into the woods after the whole witch thing... she' going to have to figure out a different way to fulfill being lady m/not letting down her father. X showing up again def could indicate that there's an ending to her previous vision of her life (as lady m specifically, but also i think just her life in general) and this new life both on the run & without her home that has been such an important part of her life/security.

also the symbols of family (legacy, heritage, tradition) and dogs (loyalty, companionship) in this card definitely play into a lot of what she is/will be grappling with!

[cantpickyourgenre]

the show has SUCH an opportunity to have a heavy hitting Maddie/Athena scene at least just ONCE before they revive Bobby move on from this storyline. Like okay, think about it. Maddie is happy Chimney didn't die. Borderline euphoric in her joy that the husband she thought was dying on facetime with her is going to be okay and meet their son and be this broken mess of a man that's still breathing. She probably feels a little bit like an asshole because Bobby died as a result, but she's also probably like I cannot help that this feels like the best outcome and I would change nothing about it and I am overjoyed/relieved/ecstatic. We got that scene between them earlier in 8B about being strong. And Maddie likely feels guilty that she can't give Athena that shoulder in the way Athena was able to give it to her, because how awful would it be to be in Athena's face? We deserve a scene where it's like Maddie is ignoring Athena because she can't hide how happy she is and she knows it's cruel to make Athena look at her when it's probably like looking at the thing you almost had. Like a funhouse mirror that distorts and shows you the life you could have had. And I want Athena to be ignoring her, because even though on a real, logical level she only blames Moira and a little bit Bobby for what happened, she still can't help but be resentful. And maybe Maddie has to give her information from dispatch and Athena is like...snarky and Maddie is timid and it's all just....not their vibe. They're friends! They used to be friends! They're professionals! They used to be good at this! But they CAN'T be that right now because Maddie's husband is out in the field and Athena's is dead and everything went as right as it could and everything went as wrong as it could. And maybe Maddie says, "I know I'm the last voice you want to hear right now--" and Athena cuts her off with a "you're damn right" and maybe Linda, my beloved, takes over or something. BUT then Maddie gets the BobbyAlive call (maybe he's in some government facility that gets it's shit rocked in the earthquake or maybe the government buries him for funsies I don't know and I don't care) and Maddie HAS to call Athena and tell her, but Athena is still mad so she answers very bluntly with a "what" and Maddie has to be like "we think Bobby is alive" and Athena is torn because 1.) she doesn't want to believe in miracles if that means in the long run she'll feel worse pain if it turns out to not be true 2.) this is the wife of the man who lived BECAUSE of Bobby calling to tell her this, so Athena is like "how are you sure? are you just hoping to clear your own conscience?" And Athena knows that Maddie would not intentionally be that cruel, but she also knows that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, she just learned that lesson when she committed crimes to get Chimney the antidote and lost her husband in the process and the angst could be so so so so so good.

[a-really-cool-blog-name]

I NEED more information on Pavlova cookie because from what I have so far he is incredibly interesting.

(Important note! I am currently on chapter 2 of beast yeast so I have not played chapter 9 yet so most of my information comes from what people have told me which may be incorrect or not the full picture. If you have any important details to add or corrections, please tell me. I fully expect someone to come into the comments and tell me that this entire analysis is complete bull crap but this is just from what I've seen what is going on with Pavlova cookie. I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts about this.)

At first when I saw Pavlova cookie I was like "oh neat, another basic minion for the beast, this one's based off of cupid, that's pretty cool. I wonder what his personality will be like?" And his personality is like oh he loves love which makes sense because he's Cupid and it's also one of Eternal sugar's minions as previously stated and seems to like her because you know he's being a minion, BUT!

I think Pavlova cookies trapped in the garden and is slowly realizing that this is not what he wants. In a conversation Pavlova has with eternal sugar, Eternal sugar states that he's been going to like the edges of the garden and like leaving a lot (I don't really remember I don't have eternal sugar yet so I can't see this conversation for myself) and eternal sugar suspects that Pavlova might want to leave which Pavlova swiftly denies. Which most likely is because if anyone does deny Eternal sugar she apparently turns them to Stone???? As one of Pavlova's Ascension statements is that he doesn't want to be turned into a statue.

What?!??

And I think I know why! Eternal sugar directly describes Pavlova as "rebellious and curious" (not a direct quote I can't remember the word she uses to describe him but that is the meaning of the word) and I was like wondering why Pavlova is having second thoughts and then it struck me.

Pavlova cookie loves love, not happiness. And while love is directly tied to happiness, love is more directly tied to something else. You know what some people use instead of saying they're in love with someone? They say they're passionate about them. Love inherently is a passion. You're never going to get in a relationship if you just sit around and neither of you make some move, you're not even going to get that unrequited love if you don't know it is. And sure the feeling of Love might still be there, but true love requires passion. And I think Pavlova cookie might have these seeds of doubt about The garden of happiness because he's not truly happy because there's not as much love because there's not as much passion.

Love is Passion and Passion is Love.

Even if Pavlova cookie hasn't fully realized this this seeds are planted in his head that something isn't right, this garden of sloth, this prison of a paradise, isn't love, it isn't even lust, it's just fine. You're just happy, there's nothing more to it, and there is so so much more to love than just vague happiness. Pavlova cookie is directly stated to love all types of love, even the complicated messy types like unrequited, and he's not really seeing that because even if he hasn't connected the dots if there's no passion, there's no love.

(Also side note, I think I was right with eternal sugar being delusional and thinking she is genuinely still bringing the most happiness she can for people. She is still manipulating them but I think I was right and she genuinely believes she's doing the right thing. Which score for me, I think that's so much more interesting than she knows she's doing the wrong thing and purposefully manipulating people into it for fun which a lot of people was saying it would be. Detour over.)

Now as I've stated before I haven't played chapter 9 yet so there might be a conversation with Pavlova cookie that directly goes against some of this analysis but this is just what I've gathered so far.

Please tell me if I am wrong or if you have something to add to this, it would be deeply appreciated.

[princesskayjay]

The Slingshot Analysis, or: How a nice comment can still hurt, Kayo's a good big sister, and Imposter Syndrome is a bitch.

@thunderversary-rewatch-party, you guys take metas, right?

So I don't suppose I've made much a secret that Alan's my favorite character. So I don't suppose it'll come as much of a shock that I also spend a lot of time just thinking about him. (I say, running a damn RP blog for him.) This has lead to me over thinking Slingshot in particular way too much. Specifically from Alan's conversation with Kayo while they're repairing the comms on Thunderbird 3. And as it turns out, I have so many, many thoughts about it. And I ramble a lot. Bare with me.

Under the cut it goes - this will get long.

Alan: My brothers always say I make it seem so easy; Like I don't even try. I think I started to believe them.

So, this line. Up to the point that this line is spoken, Alan kind of has been making it seem easy - or at least like he's not taking it very seriously. Like nearly falling asleep while John was briefing him, wanting it to be just a solo mission because he was only picking someone up. And then when Kayo joins in and the two of them head off for the mine, Alan seems more concerned with showing off to Kayo than the actual mission. When he's warned that speeding up will make slowing down harder, Alan dismisses the worry as "Don't worry, it's me." Outwardly, at least, he's got a lot of confidence in his own skill.

Inwardly? Eh.... We see that the moment things do start to go wrong, that confidence starts to slip. We do see he genuinely does know what to do! It's just... That initial moment of "Wait. Do I really know what's going on?"

And then it builds. He figures it out, with some encouragement from Kayo, and god bless her for having his back this whole episode. As stated in the opening, Kayo's a good big sister.

Including her having to tell Ned off multiple times for being rude to Alan. And we do see! That Alan is good at thinking on his feet. Throughout the episode, he's just... really good at taking even the offhand comments that Kayo or Ned say and turn them into a solution to get them out the trouble they're in. Coming to mind, of course, is finding a way to communicate with Ned in morse code, and figuring out how to use the crackers to reroute first the asteroid itself, and then to give Thunderbird 3 an extra kick without using up extra fuel.

Amidst this all though, is the quote at the top of this section.

Alan: I'm an idiot. Kayo: Can you be more specific? Alan: My brothers always say I make it seem so easy; Like I don't even try. I think I started to believe them. Kayo: None of this is your fault Alan; It's a mission. Things go wrong. Alan: But I wasn't ready! Now we're probably going to die! Kayo: Don't say that. You've been through worse. Alan: I've never been this far away from everybody. We're all alone out here. Brains, My brothers; They can't help us! Kayo: Alan, I've known you long enough to know you don't need anyone's help.

So to be clear, this isn't quite the first time that we see Alan get nervous under pressure. The satellite in RoF part 2 comes to mind. It just seems to me that after Ned picks at him, Alan knows that he's getting nervous, and Alan knows that maybe he wasn't taking it seriously enough, and it's getting to him. Especially since I'd imagine a lot of the prior confidence was coming from the thought that he could just call for help if he needed it - He's just a kid, he's still very much used to having the safety net of his family there. And Kayo is at least able to help him get out of his head. Again, she's a good big sister. But are we surprised? She learned from the best how to big sibling. The other thing that stands out, of course, is the fact that the thing Alan quotes is probably a thing he's over heard. (And considering we hear Scott repeat this exact thing later in the episode, it's probably not something he's misremembering.) He probably feels like he's letting them down at this point. Because when the going gets actually tough, he's choking. He's scared - that's not making it look easy, right? He feels out of his depth, he's got no support, is that being so good it looks easy? Because it doesn't feel like it. It's not easy. He's not the man they think he is at home.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

That is to say, Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome is being defined as follows:

the subjective experience of perceived self-doubt in one's abilities and accomplishments compared with others, despite evidence to suggest the contrary..

His brothers almost definitely meant this as praise, and I find it hard to think of any interpretation where it isn't that's still in line with the characters of the other Tracys. It hurts to feel like you're not living up to how everyone else sees you.

And while it seems as though he cheers up..... ("Sorry I doubted you" "I'm sorry I doubted me too!")

At the end of the episode, when he's giving his debrief to everyone at home? He's having a good time... Until Scott gets up to praise him for doing well on the mission, and that they're all proud of him. At which point, Alan suddenly gets nervous and excuses himself to go to bed. Which is in sharp contrast to the previous energy in his debrief. Wonder if he's still bothered by that thought, huh?

(And when Scott sits down to speak to Kayo, she speaks to his bravery, calling him a True Tracy. But when Scott says to her face that "He makes it look easy, doesn't he?" Kayo seems almost unsure of that. But she saw how much it bothered him when they were talking...)

I don't know how to end this ramble.

Just that Alan almost sees his siblings as Supermen, and he's very decidedly not that yet. Just that Imposter Syndrome is a bitch, and I love Alan very much. And this episode itches at my brain.

[billiuspendragon]

Okay so the way I was imagining it would be that the swap happens accidentally (a newly developed power of Kusuo's probably) but since the swap gets rid of Kusuo's powers he can't swap them back again, and Kusuke doesn't want to swap back because finally he gets to be the cool powerful sibling.

I think they would both have things they liked about being each other for the reasons you pointed out, but they would also get to see each other's struggles.

Teruhashi was actually the one I was thinking about the most in regards to his friends -- I think Kusuke would be good at putting on an act for most of them but he might have the idea that he should "do Kusuo a favour" and tell Teruhashi to leave him alone, because maybe he thinks that his brother truly doesn't (or shouldn't) care about her. And then maybe Teruhashi would get familiar vibes from when Kusuke was horrible to her before and start to feel like something was wrong.

I can imagine that the psychickers would suss it out immediately and start plotting behind his back to help fix it. Akechi wouldn't confront him about it right away because he'd want to keep watching and gather as much info as possible, so I imagine the three of them working together. Maybe Kusuke doesn't realise because he's not used to having telepathy and can't tune out the surrounding thoughts, and doesn't know he should be watching out for them anyway.

Gonna tag @disastress-i-guess in case you wanna chat about this too :3 (u don't need to respond rn though if ur busy ofc)

I've always loved body-swap fics. Maybe because I watched Freaky Friday as a child and thought it was a really fun idea.

Anyway, me and @disastress-i-guess were talking about a scenario like that involving the Saiki brothers and I decided to draw some pictures of them, showing that they're swapped by drawing Kusuo's expressions onto Kusuke's face and vice verca.

It would be really fun to make a comic or something of this! Maybe they could learn to understand each other 👀

[hellobitchlet]

Thoughts on paralogism:

- starting off the 'expecting everyone to know event lore' quest strong with having you show up in the middle of the Windblume Festival.

- god, Genshin is SO bad at subtly. You go straight to Katherine and she TELLS you that somethings off and the game FORCES you to watch npc's act Not Normal for a good 5 minutes to set the tone as Something Is Off.

- what is the point of the storytelling mode? Is it really just to add Windblune decorations to Mondstadt and make a court room? It's not like Mondstadt's aq didn't temporarily change the city's appearance already without it. And the Wibdblume festival is largely irrelevant to the plot anyways.

- "A trial? But, this is Mondstadt, not Fontaine..." Paimon what are you talking about?? Other nations have legal systems too, obviously???

- the first trial was just talking. There isn't even the stupid court minigame they had you do in Fontaine or a thinking minigame because Traveler wasn't participating in it! Thankfully, though, it wasn't that long by Genshin standards.

- ...Amber knows that there are two Albedo's. Eula knows that there are two Albedo's. Bennett knows that there are two Albedo's. Two of those people are with the Knights of Favonius. We SAW that Eula was a part of the investigation team working on this case before the trial even started! The didn't-play-the-event bandaid recap even acknowledges this! Even when making a trial 10 minutes long instead of an hour, and the investigation was seemingly finished BEFORE the trial (fuck you for being so bad at your job Neuvillette), the mystery is still appsurdly obtuse if you think about it for more than a second.

- (I know that Eula was taking part in the plan, but you were still supposed to think that an actual investigation was going on. The whole purpose of the investigation stuff was still pointless with how obvious it was that Albedo wouldn't be the killer)

- the writers will forget that they had Rosaria say something as suspicious as "Time is like the wind- it waits for no one" about Venti, with all the connections between time and wind. Rosaria is one of those 4 stars who just... randomly says stuff that makes her sound suspicious/important all the time and nothing comes of it. This isn't important to this quest- the sus line just reminded me of it.

- I'm not sure how I feel about Dahlia. He's an unnecessary addition to the cast, and the concept of his role being to 'communicate Barbados's will to the people' doesn't fit in with Mondstadt's story. What happened to Venti letting his people choose their own path unless something goes horribly wrong? He doesn't tell his people what to do- if he wants something done he does it himself. I want to be happy that new Mondstadt characters feel more important than most other new characters from older nations, but there is so much more you could've done than... basically ripping the concept of Venti's friendship with Rosaria and Barbara away from them.

- also I liked Dahlia's original design more. The only reason I was ever interested in him was because the original metal design on his chest looked similar to an Abyss enemy, and despite everything, I had the tiniest of hopes that it was actually intentional. I don't know why I ever thought that.

- there's finally an upstairs in the kof headquarters!! Rejoice!!

- HOW DID IT TAKE SO LONG FOR TRAVELER TO EVEN REMEMBER THAT THERE WAS A SECOND ALBEDO- "oh, I almost forgot!" HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT?????????????

- it also sucks that the return of Albedo's plotline- and arrival to permanent content- is Traveler casually walking into a situation that has been happening for years off screen. The fact that most of the quest is boring exposition of what Traveler missed is expected but disappointing.

- Albedo KILLED Subject 2 off screen. Are you fucking kidding me. I and many others have been interested in him for YEARS. He was one of the main focuses of Shadows Amidst Snowstorms, one of the best written quests Genshin has ever made, and one of the VERY FEW plotlines that actually had a chance to START going somewhere. And you. Killed. Him. Off. Screen. I am so pissed off. Fuck you.

- the sudden explain-a-thon of "actually, nothing went wrong and everything is under control and here's what's actually happening" did not help my investment in this stupid quest. This quest is 80% explaining what's going on 20% pseudo substance.

- still annoyed at the treatment of hilichurls. Nothing else to be said here that hasn't been said before.

- the Ragbros.... Genshin has been dumbing down and retconning their relationship conflict and personal conflicts since Diluc's skin event in Inazuma AT LEAST, to avoid actually writing their conflict. How do people still think that there's a conflict to be resolved.

- and of course, we had to throw in some hints of "Diluc doesn't mind the knights now, let's not acknowledge how he acted towards them in the beginning" as well. Give me ONE reason why he would've stopped using any excuse to insult them off screen, in the time between his story quest and paralogism.

- I feel like they mostly just put Kaeya in the marketing for 5.6 and made him Albedo's 'lawyer' bc ppl expect him to be a part of important Mondstadt stuff, and Kaebedo is Albedo and Kaeya's most popular ship. He didn't appear nearly as much as Albedo, Venti, and Jean outside of the trial.

- a team of just Amber and Mika was. Not fun. I had to use an attack boost food and I was fighting two normal hilichurls.

- it occurs to me that this is Mika's first appearance in permanent content. Mika himself is a plot point you were supposed to know about from events lol.

- the tripartite conference confuses me severely. When tf did Venti wake up in present times if he was around while Varka was still here? It's really hard to talk about the timeline of events in Genshin, but it feels like Venti wakes up whenever there's a disaster in Mondstadt that his people are struggling with, which made it seem like he woke up bc of Dvalin to me. But surely Varka didn't go on his expedition in the middle of that, right...? Surely the events of the manga (where he had already left) didn't take place at the same time as the situation with Dvalin that was never mentioned...?

- and again, this sudden angle of "Barbados doing stuff for Mondstadt as Babados in modern times" is very specifically NOT how Mondstadt works??? They're the nation that ISN'T led by their god in any capacity. That was a big thing.

- that is how you're choosing to introduce Varka? Over a bomb shaped phone? It was actually kind of funny that he casually mentions "I'm surrounded on both sides with a group on my tail looking to turn me into mince meat" and the writers chose to focus on him having a stash of alcohol. He sounds like a fun character. Please please please let me like him Genshin...

- I groaned out loud when Toy 'Durin' showed up. I'm sorry, but Simulanka sucked and I don't want some random new character who is not Durin but is named after him and was tacked onto Scara solely because he's popular. Just give me real Durin as himself, not a new character. I mean, the writers clearly didn't care about Toy Durin either, since they immedietaly shoved them into the stupid amalgamation of Durin and Subject 2 as well.

- they really made a Dodoco version of Alice to avoid showing us what she looked like. In this case, it's actually more funny than anything else, especially since no one (Paimon) is being all over-the-top surprised about it. I wonder if showing up in odd forms is just a normal Alice thing? If so, I like it.

- aside from the part where they're trying to drag the kof into it for no reason, I do like that they're doing something with Venti's relationship to the Hexenzirkel. It's nice to see Venti and Alice interacting on screen, and casually acting like friends. I was certainly more interested in that between Venti and Alice + Varka than I was in a new character.

- wait, this is the first time we're hearing Alice in a permanent quest too, isn't it? It's almost amazing how incomprehensible this quest is going to be to new players joining after all of this stuff. Like- they made a 'recap' of Shadows Amidst Snowstorms, but didn't realize that you ALSO need to know 2023 Windblume, Weinleslfest, and Simulanka AT LEAST to truly understand the quest. The writer in the Nod Krai video wasn't lying when he said that they couldn't keep track of what ppl do and don't know.

- Alice saying to Albedo "I find you facinating" is also so cute to me. That's how I think about my favorite characters too!

- I also like the concept of killing Durin again and reviving him as a human to prevent Mondstadt's destruction. I just hate Genshin killing off Subject 2 (possibly bc they could actually make proper ch vs ch conflict, now that I think about it), and then fusing Durin with him and the stupid fake Durin. Like, that's just making a new character. You made a new character out of the remains of older characters. If you liked any of the characters used in this process- fuck you! You don't get to have them! How the fuck did the writers even come up that and how did they think that was a good idea????????

- this weird not-Durin is like 50% boring Toy Durin, 40% unrelated matter, 10% the Durin this actually SHOULD be, 0% Subject 2.

- even with my anger at the treatment of Subject 2, I would have pulled for a human Durin SO hard if only it was the Durin I actually cared about. This Toy Durin, I... I never want to see Toy Durin become playable, ESPECIALLY if it comes with us acting like he IS Durin.

- imagine what they could've done with Subject 2 and humanoid Durin as separate characters that were still themselves! Imagine Durin having to get used to his new body and face everything he and his corpse did to Mondstadt unknowingly! Imagine him meeting Venti and Dvalin! Imagine Subject 2 actually getting to fuck shit up!

- Dodoco Barbeloth looks cool too, but a Barbeloth intro without Mona :/?

- I thought Albedo saw all of Rhine's creations as his siblings? I swear I remember him saying that. I didn't hallucinate that, did I? What would be the point of retconning that? I mean, he immedietaly started calling Durin his brother again at the end of the quest!

- wait, why did Albedo make human Durin in the city?????? Why was it so flashy and big??????? Why wasn't he anywhere near Toy Durin or the materials he was using the entire time???????? How did a song and some fireworks prevent people from noticing that something was going on???????? Why did he do it in the city?????????

- of course the answer of the important mystery "what did Rhine mean when she told Albedo to "find the truth of this world"" was that she was just telling him to get a life. Of course. We wouldn't want a playable character to be involved in something actually interesting. Of course.

- that was the most random and boring way to reveal that Rhinedottir ATE THE SHADE OF LIFE they could have possibly made.

[woodlaflababab]

Thinking about how Zuko seems to understand Aang in some ways better than the rest of the gaang in a very short time. Recently rewatched the finale (finally finished getting my grandmother to watch the whole show, she loved it), and when Aang was having his argument with the gaang and then left, Zuko stopped Katara from going after him and said "He needs time to sort it out by himself."

Something I've long since noticed is that one of Aang's and Katara's conflicts is that they approach problems very differently, which leads to Katara trying to comfort Aang in a way that doesn't help or Aang trying to advise Katara in a way that doesn't help. Now, before I go on, I want to clarify, does this make kataang a bad ship? Not in the slightest. Couples having a disconnect on forms of comfort is very common and the healthiest of relationships are ones in which the two learn to meet eachother in the middle and be who the other needs to be. Their conflict in this is realistic and usually shown to resolve itself as they learn to meet the other where they need them. I am in absolutely no way disparaging Katara or trying to say kataang is bad or worse than zukaang.

I'm saying that because I am going to delve deeper into this dissconnect between Aang and Katara in comparison to Zuko. Again, this is in no way me trying to say Katara is bad for Aang, all couples have their problems and zukaang absolutely has issues that kataang would never have. Please for the love of god do not take this the wrong way.

Now, back to the point, we do see a pattern throughout the show of Katara trying to reach Aang through words. She's a naturally caring person and just wants people to feel better, unfortunately, she's also 14, and thus not exactly a trained therapist, and Aang isn't receptive to that particular brand of comfort. In things like General Fong's pressure on the Avatar state, or Aang's stress after waking up from the coma, or Aang's shut down after Appa, she tries to reach him and convince him to feel better, which doesn't really work on Aang. (Usually. There are some times where it does work, like during The Storm).

She has a tendancy of trying to tell Aang she understands what he's feeling when she doesn't which just pushes Aang away. (A mistake Aang also makes with her, these are Children™ trying their best). Their disconnect comes from the fact that Aang approaches problems with a desire for a solution while Katara approaches problems with a desire to fix the emotion. Both valid, but not matching.

My zukaang brain rot ass has long since had the hc that Zuko would be a bit better on this just because of the way he approaches things. Zuko also approaches problems with a desire for a solution. We see that very clearly in his buddy-cop episodes with the gaang. He connects with each of them by trying to help them solve a problem.

I was not expecting my hc to be verbally confirmed by him though, didn't remember that part, but yeah, Zuko, within only a few weeks of knowing Aang, understands that Aang needs time to sort his emotions out on his own, something Katara still struggles to understand even after seeing it happen multiple times. (Again, she just wants to help, and it can be really hard to watch a loved one struggle, of course she wants to be able to say something that will fix it.)

Throughout the finale we see Zuko meet Aang where he's at.

The first example:

I know you're scared, and I know you're not ready to save the world. But if you don't defeat the Firelord before the comet comes, there won't be a world to save anymore.

He acknowledges how Aang is feeling and he doesn't tell him he should feel differently, he just points out very bluntly that there is a problem. Also, just the fact that he acknowledges that Aang could be scared. It's not really something that acknowledged much. Even during Nightmares and Daydreams when Aang is literally falling apart due to nightmares and fear of what's coming, the others are more concerned with just getting him to stop. Zuko tells him that it's reasonable for him to not feel ready where everyone else constantly insists he is ready for things (like the invasion).

(Of course, again, the others are also encouraging in their own right. When Aang is starting to spiral they assure him that he's not alone and that they can fight the Firelord together)

Then, when they're all having the arguement, Zuko, clearly being on the side of "hey kill the Firelord" still doesn't ever tell Aang what he should feel.

Aang: "But he's still a human being."

Zuko: "You're doing to defend him?"

"No. I agree with you. Firelord Ozai is a horrible person, and the world would probably be better off without him, but there's got to be another way."

"Like what?"

*Gluebending Idea Tangent*

"Yeah, and then you can show him his baby pictures and all those happy memories will make him good again."

"Do you really think that would work?"

"No!"

Zuko asks questions, lets Aang lead the conversation, and when he's arguing against him, does not directly tell him he's wrong, instead tries to get Aang to see the faults in his own thinking. Zuko's approach to arguing with Aang is to get Aang to figure things out on his own, not tell him he's wrong. Even in the beginning when Zuko attacks Aang, he is trying to get Aang to understand that he's not ready and needs more training by showing him, not telling him. Zuko understands that Aang needs to be able to reach his own conclusion, not be told what his conclusion should be.

Meanwhile, the rest of the conversation goes sharply downhill as Sokka and Katara directly just tell Aang that what he says he's feeling isn't correct.

Aang: "I can't just go around wiping out people I don't like!"

Sokka: "Sure you can, you're the avatar. If it's in the name of keeping balance, I'm pretty sure the universe will forgive you."

Aang: "This isn't a joke Sokka! None of you understand the position I'm in!"

Katara: "Aang, we do understand, it's just-"

Aang: "Just what Katara, what?"

Katara: "We're trying to help!"

Which is another one of those situations I mentioned where Katara tells Aang she understands what he's feeling when she does not. She's trying to help, but that is not helpful.

Then, of course, the line I mentioned earlier.

Katara: "Aang, don't walk away from this!"

Zuko: "Let him go. He needs time to sort it out by himself."

Again, Zuko has only been there a few weeks, the water tribe siblings have known Aang for the better part of a year. Yet, Zuko tells Katara with certainty that Aang needs time and space, which he does.

I think there's also something to be said for the fact that Zuko, before anyone else, even Aang, noticed the conflict between Aang's values and his mission. When Aang says violence is never the answer in The Southern Raiders, Zuko asks (notably asks) what he's going to do when he faces Ozai.

Also:

Sokka, in response to Aang disappearing: "It's pretty obvious. Aang mysteriously dissapears before an important battle? He's definitely on a spirit world journey!"

Zuko: "But if he was, wouldn't his body still be here?"

Sokka: "Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

Like, Sokka, honey, baby, you've known this kid for nine months now, come on.

Anyway, there's a lot of subtle zukaang moments in the finale that I may write a post about later. I just really like Zuko's quick and inherent understanding of who Aang is as a person.

[undead-moth]

I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?

I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.

Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.

Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.

[softquietsteadylove]

Hello love, how are you?

I know you have done a couple of this already, but may i ask for one where Thena is suffering because of her period and Gil is being a good boyfriend and taking care of her, pretty please.

Also thank you for all your works they are amazing 🩷🤍.

"Thena?"

He didn't get any response as he cracked the door open even further. Which, he wouldn't under any normal circumstance. But not only was this bathroom at an end of the school that no one ever used, he had gotten an inside tip.

"Babe, I know you're in here," he broached carefully. She wasn't in here for no reason.

"Get out."

There she was. But it didn't have her usual sharpness. Plenty of acerbic distaste, certainly, but it had a kind of morose undertone to it.

Gil pressed the door closed behind him, "come on, sweetheart. Sersi sent me."

There was a stall door between them, but he could hear the look of betrayal on her face. "That little-"

"Hey," he assuaged, pressing his palm to the painted steel. "She's at the mall with Dane--who I know damn well you wouldn't want knowing about this, too."

"Whom," she corrected him, although even that lacked her usual gusto. "And that doesn't mean you were the acceptable alternative."

"Thena," he attempted in a sweeter voice. He looked down at the feet under the stall's gap. He had some sympathy; he didn't think of it as nearly so big a deal, but there were probably few things more personal to a girl than this. "Is it bad?"

She took her sweet time answering him, and even when she did, it came out as a miserable little warble. "I can see it a little."

A little would be enough. Especially if she was wearing white jeans.

"Do you know when it started?" he asked, in he thought was a pretty calm and cool way--logical, as his girlfriend would most appreciate.

She sighed (heavily). "After, or maybe even during practice. I managed to slip away from the team."

Gil frowned. Wasn't it, like, girl code not to leave one of their own in this state of distress? "You didn't wanna ask one of them-"

"I wouldn't say I'm that close with any of them," Thena spat. He didn't think she had any real dislike for them, either. But then again, his girlfriend didn't excel at vulnerability, and maybe this was too much for her to even turn to her fellow woman.

She had texted Sersi in blind hopes that her sister was close at hand.

"Okay, here," Gil sighed, pulling up the bag he had with him. He looked up, and then down, "do these doors have hooks on the inside?"

"You think our school has the luxury of something like that?"

Okay, yeah, she had a point. He huffed, "well, I dunno, so you don't have to put your bag or purse or whatever on the floor?"

"I'm not saying it's not a good idea, Gil, but no, they don't have that."

She really was feeling like absolute shit.

"Okay," he gave in easily. He set the bag on the ground and used his foot to slide it in to her. She did snatch it away from his gaze eagerly. "Sersi didn't say which one you liked, so I got a little pack of both, and-"

"Thank you--out."

He sighed again, but there wasn't much more he could do for her at this point. "Okay, okay, but I'm gonna be right outside the door."

"You don't have to, Gil."

He made a face at the stall door again, not that she could appreciate it. "I'm not gonna leave you like this."

"You could, though."

He didn't even really have anything he could compare it to--what she must be feeling at the moment. And for someone who struggled to talk about her own discomfort like she did... "I'm sorry, Thena."

It was so, so quiet. But he caught it--the little sniffle. The telltale sign that her misery was not just mere anger or frustration.

"There's no need, Gil," she tried to dissuade him again, more genuinely and less angrily this time.

"Babe, you know I've eaten you out, right," he commented rather dryly, "it's not like I can get freaked out by your period."

"That's-!" For however strong it started, it gave way to her misery not a second later, finishing in a whimper, "different."

She was right, it was different. But he was trying! He just wanted to make her feel better.

"I'll be outside," he reaffirmed to her door, pressing himself to it as if she would know he was trying to comfort her like that. "And I'm not leaving without you, so don't even try it."

"Fine."

Gil pulled himself away from the door slowly. He lingered, in case she was going to change her mind and tell him to stay. But she made not even a sound, which wasn't even that easy to do with the crinkly plastic pharmacy bag he'd brought in.

He had even had the wherewithal to ask them to double bag it, for privacy reasons! He thought that was a pretty smart move, on his part. He had gotten both tampons and pads, which maybe was a little overkill. But he didn't want her to get stuck with one if she was more comfortable with the other. And he'd thrown in some pain meds and some chocolate, just for good measure.

Gil leaned against the wall outside the bathroom door. They were at the very end of the hall, by the door that led straight to the fields. Now that all the practices were over, no one would be down here until teachers left or cleaning staff came to do their thing.

His heart ached for his poor Thena, imagining her discovering the blood and too uncomfortable around her teammates to ask for help with it. He wasn't entirely sure where her ire with them started, or if it was for Thena reasons or something else. But the fact that she had slipped away from them to endure the misery for herself spoke to how solitary a creature she really was.

He stood up straight as the door opened and Thena emerged with the bag in the crook of her elbow. She was staring straight down at the ground. "How do you feel?"

"Humiliated."

Gil smiled down at the top of her head as she headbutted him right in the chest. He didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her hair.

His first instinct was to say something to lighten her mood, maybe a joke or something. But he felt the faint but real little spots of warmth in the cotton of his t-shirt. He rubbed her back, "it's okay."

Thena had never, ever, cried in front of him. Not even when she told him about Ikaris laughing at her for being a virgin. He was still determined to kick that guy's ass one day.

She pulled away, rubbing her eyes to erase the last of her woes for herself. "Thank you."

"Of course," he frowned. Like he was doing some great thing by helping her out with this? It was pretty basic boyfriend stuff, he was pretty sure. "You know I mean that, right?"

"I know," she grumbled, and there was some of his Thena starting to emerge. She stepped away from him, her arms wrapped around herself.

"You want me to, uh," he tilted his head, "check if you're good?"

"I would rather die."

He chuckled; now that was his Thena.

"Just," she mumbled out, embarrassment written all over her. "Give me your sweater.

He did so in an instant, pulling his black hoodie off his shoulders and wrapping it around her. She extended her arms on her own, threading them through the sleeves smoothly. He made sure it sat on her shoulders and then gave the bottom a tug to verify that it did indeed cover well beyond her (cute) butt.

She looked at him as she started pushing the sleeves up.

"Lookin' good," he grinned at her with a wink.

She rolled her eyes at him, but the way she let him take her hand told him she was still feeling a little shitty about everything. "Take me home?"

"You got it," he assured as gently as he could. As much as he wanted to offer to take her out and do something fun, it wasn't about what he wanted. And if she wanted to wallow in her misery for the night he would ask and beg and plead to join her in that misery. "You know-"

Thena didn't even turn her head, just gave him one hell of a side eye.

But he smiled, braving on for the love of his young life. "As I keep reminding you, I am in this for real, babe. Like, real deal, long haul-"

"Yes, yes, you have said," she sighed, although he could see her starting to smile again.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "It's not like I was never gonna be around for...something like this."

It showed on Thena's face just how much she appreciated his delicacy with it, even after the fact.

"It's not a big deal--not to me, at least," he shrugged, hoping he was saying the right thing. All he could hope was that she was really hearing him and getting how much he meant it. "And if you ever needed help like this again--just call me, okay? Text me, email me if you have to."

She laughed at the suggestion, but all he needed to see was that cute smile, showing off her teeth. She had a cute laugh, too.

"I'll be there, Thena," he finished, pouring his heart into it. "In a heartbeat."

"I know, Gil." Well, that was the end of that. It wasn't up for discussion anymore, and he would be pushing his luck to try and continue it.

But he happily let her release his hand, only so she could wrap her arms around his one and press her face into his t-shirt sleeve. "You gonna let me carry that bag for you?"

"No."

"Okay, fine," he chuckled. Whatever she wanted--needed. Anything at all. He looked down at her as they continued down the hall, taking their good, sweet time. "Thena, I-"

"I hope," she prefaced, giving his arm an extra squeeze, "you're not about to say something I wouldn't want to hear on arguably the worst day of my life."

Okay, so not the time for an I-Love-You. Their first, he had to keep reminding himself, no matter how many times he had already imagined saying it to her.

"Yeah, no, totally," he mumbled, resigning himself to keeping it in again.

"Just-" Thena pressed herself even closer to him. "Just wait a little longer."

He looked down at the top of her head again (since she wasn't up to looking at him yet, apparently). But she didn't have to ask; he was going to wait for her until the day he died, he had already decided.

It wasn't even really up to him. Somewhere along the way, he had fallen beyond the point of no return, and he would do anything - literally anything! - for her.

Thena let him kiss her forehead as they continued shuffling along, the hum of the fluorescents and the crinkling of the bag offering a soundtrack to their quiet moment.

"Y'know, I heard baths are good for cramps. We could-"

"Not a chance, Gil."

[scoliosisgoblin]

Which version of Rick is your fav?

it's so hard for me to choose tbh. HOWEVER, I'd say Evil Rick

then I'd say it's C-137 and Memory Rick

I love how pathetic™ Evil Rick really is tbh. love that he's being controlled by his Morty. can you guess who my favorite Morty is?