#I also don't really have any room to complain 'cause I disappeared from my main blog here for like a year and a half so pfffff))

[otulnlwnafh]

E.L. meanwhile didn't seem to care his partially hunched posture was informal. It was slightly straighter than he just had been sitting, in a bid to seem less asocial. So much for claiming to be a professional. "Makes sense." He shrugged, readjusted in his spot. His left arm didn't move from where he had rested it after settling the papers. It wouldn't be the first bar fight he had been involved in, if things came to that- and judging by the shouting he could pick out from his own crew, that might not be too far fetched. If Aurora couldn't rein things in, at least. She was trying, by the sound of it.

He... Could use a break, he supposed. It wasn't like he had been getting anywhere. There was always time between ports- he could find it between keeping the ship running and the crew in one piece.

While he was generally a private person- not exactly aided by the general haunted vibe he had- he had no problems giving his name. Or a shortened version, at least. "E.L. Wallace." He scanned over the papers and books once again before raising his attention to Rhaya. "Just passing through town?" That was how people held conversation, right?

It was difficult to smother the hopeful smile that pulled at one side of her mouth as the young druid watched the other begin clearing some space on the table. Not that it was necessary – she would have been willing to hover-hand her drink and refrain from setting anything down if he had requested, but she would be lying if she said the gesture wasn’t unappreciated. “Fantastic, much appreciated!” she chirped while practically throwing herself into one of the chairs across from him so as to give as much space as possible. A celebratory and rather generous pull from her drink was had before Rhaya glanced up to get a proper look at the other, remembering as an afterthought to straighten her shoulders into a more formal posture. “Oh, uh, no – Thank you, but I don’t know if that will be necessary. I doubt they have that much attention span, and if they do, I'll probably have bigger things to worry about.” The slightest twinge of doubt entered her expression but she maintained the pleasant smile. She had a plan to cover the ‘business’ farce anyways, and it wouldn’t require purchasing medications that would admittedly just be passed along to their own ship’s doctor. “Name’s Rhaya, by the way. You don’t have to introduce yourself if you don’t want to, I know some people around here are… weird about giving names. Fake name always works too, those are fun.”

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon, im gonna start combing the two separate submissions again cause its getting too short to have them separate I think?

1: His possession messed with memories Ranbob had before, so memories of school friends or playing with Ran were distant to erased. Though after Dreams possession it was also harder to make and keep memories. But thankfully as Ranbob was recovering from Dream and got futher away making memories came eaiser to him, though he'll never get back the memories he lost. 

3: Oh he would very quickly grow to regret his decision, but it would be funny. And Benjamin would later admit that while it was annoying and stressful, it was also fun and he was very happy to have his two families meet and generally get along. 

8: Everyone is just in shocked silence before Cletus just goes "YEAHHHHHHHHHH!" Oddly happy that Ranboo committed so much arson. Oh definitely, after all the outcasts of society where put there. Of course people would make such negative rumors about Mizu and treat the people as the scum of the earth. Though this also means, people don't know what happened in Mizu, and anyone who knows, view it in a more happy and a "Their finally gone" type of way, then viewing it as the tragedy it was. 

Spoons is a card game technically. A group of people sit in a group and everyone gets 4 cards, and you keep discarding at least 1 card of yours to the person on your left, who then does the same to their person on their left, the last person in the group puts a card into a discard pile. The goal is to get 4 of the same cards, and once someone gets 4 of the same cards, that person goes and grabs a spoon in a pile in front of them (let's say there's 5 players, theres only going to be 4 spoons cause there's always a spoon less than the people playing), once they grab one anyone can grab a spoon. And the person who doesn't get a spoon gets a S added to them, once Spoons is spelled the person gets out of the game, and a spoon gets removed to continue the game. Basically for flowers its played the exact same way but with flowers in the middle expect for spoons.

11: I just imagine Dream sulking in a corner as you yell at him and him going like "well I didn't know…" as he kicks a stone. And he wasnt sure what it was, but quickly jumped on the idea that maybe it was the fact that Ran was still alive somewhere, and that that's causing Ranbob to willingly let himself become weak and defy him. Causing Dream to become angrier at Ran and punish Ranbob harder. 

----

3: During the brothers fight in the storm, and after everyone runs off to find Ranbob, Ran is left alone. And he decides to just wander off into the storm, not protecting himself from the rain so he does get burnt. The whole time he's lost deep in thought and isn't really paying attention. He continues to wander for a whole day unfollowed (because after the Gladiators and Fishermen came back to the cave after finding Ranbob they are in no rush to find Ran and decide to look for him after the storm passes, which takes a full day) and at some point Raq finds him wandering. Which Raq then uses Rans distraction to his advantage and attacks him. At first only really the gladiators where concerned when they found Ran gone. But once they found him blinded and terrified everyone felt awful and a looming sense of guilt. And everyone continued to feel that way, even after they got the antidote and Ran started to see again.

4: They would just leave Ranbob alone and check in on him every now and again. But generally let him deal with it himself. They'd feel guilty leaving him alone, but they also know that they can't really do anything for him as their not prepared or briefed on how to help him in this situation. 

10: Oh definitely, even with Ran blinded they would've been kicked out immediately for fighting, without even a second glance. Dont forget, Ran still cares for his brother. And maybe, losing his sight made him face the side of him that wanted to become family again with Ranbob, maybe it brought enough to light that he just can't ignore it anymore. Mostly only negative potions can be permanent, like posion, blinding, wither, and nausea (I know the last like 3/2 are effects but they've also found a way to make effects into potions.). You already know what a antidote for blindness would be. A antidote for wither would be, a ghast tear (actually a basic ingredient for almost every antidote), blaze powder, and glistening melon to make a overpowered healing potion. Antidote for posion would be ghast tear, swiftness (so it acts fast to get rid of the posion), and the 3rd ingredient depends on what kind of posion it  was (posion that has a side effect of constricting or filling the lungs with water? Pufferfish and Turtle shell for last ingredients. Posion that has weakness? Blaze powder, and glistening melon) And antidote for nausea would be ghast tear, and potion of slowness to allow the person to slowly feel better, so their nausea doesn't hit them all at once before disappearing, which can cause them to throw up or have side effects. 

13: Thats exactly what they did. 

14: Jackie will 100% attempt to fight God and no one can stop him. :) (to be honest im not sure yet, I know I want to do more with Raq and have the idea that maybe he could be the person that finds Dream and gets him out of Mizu, but that's pretty often used in stories and I want to try to think of something more unique. Maybe I'll have it so Raq actually manages to capture the brothers or at least one of them and uses them as blackmail?)

15: When Ranbob was a child and Ran was just a baby Ranbob would often take Ran out of his crib and take him to go watch the fish swim by. When Ran was old enough he'd follow Ranbob everywhere, even a few times he managed to sneak into Ranbobs class room and almost wasn't caught. Ran got extremely clingy one day and managed to gather his haunting all up into his arms and carried them around, even though he was obviously struggling. And Ranbob used to complain about his teachers and idiotic classmates whenever he got home, which is funny when you consider Ran was very impressiable at the time and Ran started mimicking Ranbob, leading to him cursing, much to Ranbobs dismay. 

And im curious, do you have any questions that I havent answered? Or do you have any ideas for anything? I'd love to hear whatever you have to say about anything honestly!

Course! I dont have much lore wise other than they go to Kelalen and when they hear Dream is still around they decide to stay back to help fight him. But the idea I have is that Karl is just kinda hanging with everyone I listed, talking about allies or treaties when his time traveling clock/watch starts to go off, and he panics, but sadly in his haste to stop it he makes it worse and it grabs everyone, where they end up in the future. After hours of confusion and explaining they calm down. When 2 days later they find the Gladiator and Fishermen group, at first Karl is strongly against going to then for help, but everyone basically ignores him and go to ask for help. Hours of explanation and proof giving later the GF (Gladiator and Fishermen, got tired of writing it out) group sadly tells them that they cant really help. Until Ran (who was previously gone searching the surrounding area and making sure it was safe) appears high up on a tree (cause I just can't get the image of Ran on a tree and looking comfortable and confident as hell out of my head), and says that maybe Kelalen can help, if not going to Foolish may be a good alternative. Isaac, and Grievous are extremely against going back (at this time a 2 months have past since they left Kelalen)n saying it could be dangerous but Ran just aboustely shoots them down, along with Watson and Jackie agreeing with Ran, and Karls group agreeing to it. They head off to Kelalen. And Jackie is extremely excited at the potential of going to see Foolish finally. And it'd probably be like a sub au where the brothers au is the main backbone for it but at a certain point it separates from the au and becomes its own.

1: Okay, ouch. Can you imagine if Ran brought one of those memories up, and just had Ranbob look confused, or horrified, depending on how quick he realizes what happened? How would Ran react to that realization, both before and after he forgives Ranbob?

3: If nothing else, everyone got some laughs from it-even Benjamin, once his friends were far, far away from his family and not able to teach them more chaos. 

8: Cletus, why are you so happy? Do you just enjoy knowing chaos existed back then? Are you an arsonist? What’s up with you? 

Also, wow. Not cool, other city people, that’s very mean.

Spoons sounds like it’s interesting, I might try it sometime. Did the group just have those cards on them? What other games did they have?

11: Good, put Dream back in the corner, I’m gonna be yelling more. Because, seriously dude? I know you probably exist solely out of spite, but c’mon. Admittedly, from a certain point of view, it could be considered amusing that your first thought was that Ranbob was making himself weaker out of defiance/spite but like. From a more responsible and mature viewpoint, that’s incredibly stupid, and I-just. Buddy, hate to tell you, but I’m pretty sure that’d just be a you thing. Besides you were in Ranbob’s head, didn’t he think Ran was dead? It doesn’t even make sense. Good lord, I’m half-tempted to get the broom and chase you around like you’re a particularly unruly barn cat. 

------

3: First of all, that sounds really scary for Ran. Second of all, are we getting an overprotective arc?

4: Kind of sad, but understandable, they’re dealing with the situation as best they can.

10: Even if the group was provoked by the townspeople? Potions sound really cool, wish I could make those in real life, tbh.

13: W-what do you mean ‘that’s exactly what they did’? Anon, is your friend, like, a legit gremlin? I’m spooked. 

14: Foolish takes one look at Jackie, wearing a smile that exactly matched Tubbo’s when he was about to cause chaos, and immediately nopes out of that. He knows that face, and he will not be getting tangled into a fight with a goblin child today, no sir. I’m sure Jackie tries regardless though. (Also, that sounds like that goes horribly, do we get an overprotective ender-sibling, for whoever gets captured or used as blackmail, if that’s what you do?)

15: I love all of these so much, oh my gosh. Baby Ran seeing the fishes and following his big brother around. Poor Ranbob’s face when his baby brother cursed one day, Ran trying to carry all of his haunting. I’m in tears, honestly. 

Umm...I can’t think of anything right now, to be honest. If I ever do have a question or idea though, I’ll through it on the Brothers AU tag for you to check out, I guess. 

Oh, this sounds really cool. The part about them just ignoring their local time traveler when they’ve just time traveled particularly amuses me, as does Jackie wanting to see Foolish-I feel like Foolish may be a little more than terrified to see both Tubbo and Jackie back, honestly. Why was Ran willing to help them so much? What did they do to offer proof? How did Ranbob react once they proved who they were? How does all the group get along? Are they Ranboo’s haunting, and if so, if Ranboo gets close with his descendants, does he merge his hauntings with theirs? How does the time group feel about the Brothers fighting, and Ranbob’s possession?

[jos-corner-of-the-world]

City of Angels - 4

{Part Three}{Master List}

As Yuto predicted, Raven wasn't allowed to keep her weapon.  He almost smiled at the petulant look she gave the guard when she was asked to hand it over.

She wanted to yell and complain when she was frisked, but she knew she was too far out of her element to do so.

Once she was past the main entrance, the building completely blew her mind.  

Yuto walked up to a keyless door and did something on the panel next to her.  Raven couldn’t replicate it if she tried.

“Please follow me.” Yuto said.

This time she looked up at him and got her first full look.

He was tall with a nice caramel complexion. His eyes were dark, but still seemed to hold a level of warmth to them.  His hair was slightly curly, thrown into a ponytail on the top of his head, small wisps falling down around his eyes and his neck.

Raven had to hand it to him, he was gorgeous.

“You're awfully polite for a fucking gangster.” Raven said suddenly. 

“Thanks.” Yuto responded dryly, turning towards Raven slightly.

Yuto kept walking into a lobby area and pointed to a set of chairs.

“Take a seat, it'll be a moment.” He said, disappearing behind a set of doors.

Raven wasn’t alone though.  There was a man stationed right outside the doors.

Raven sat there, watchful of the mean looking man in a sharp suit.

Raven didn't scare easily, but this man was clearly ready to throw down, anytime and anywhere. That put her on edge. Especially since she was stripped of her weapon.

“Simon, send her in.” Raven heard Yuto speak faintly a moment later.  She exhaled a breath, silently thanking Yuto for getting her away from the other man.

She watched warily as the man walked over to her.

“Get up.” he said roughly as he yanked her arm, jostling her rib.

“I'm injured you goddamn brute.” Raven spit out, pulling her arm from his grasp.

Simon stopped and turned to her abruptly.

The cold look in his almost black eyes sent fear through Raven.

“Yuto may have played nice, but I don't. Run your mouth to me one more time and I'll cut that pretty little tongue out.”

The sarcastic reply was right at the top of her tongue. Luckily it never left her mouth.

Simon led her to an expansive room, Mr. Big sitting at a desk on the far side from her.

Raven had to stifle her laughter at the image.  Contrary to his name, Mr. Big was a man of small stature and it looked like the room was trying to swallow him whole.  

Simon went to stand next to Mr. Big while Yuto hovered near the middle of the room.  It seemed as though he had put himself between Raven and the others.  Raven wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but she tried not to be touched by the gesture.

“Raven, come in.” Mr. Big prompted.

“Um, I'd rather not actually.” Raven said, not moving from her spot.

She watched as Simon took a step towards her, causing her to flinch involuntarily.

“Alright alright, fucking creep.” Raven said lowly.

Simon nearly snarled while Mr. Big laughed at her words

“Don't have self preservation do you?” Mr. Big asked her.

“Also don't have time for bullshit, but here I am.” Raven said, plastering a fake smile on her face.

“Should we just get right to the point then?” The boss asked.

“Preferably.”

“Is this you?” he asked as he turned the TV on, showing cctv footage of her with the guy in a headlock, gun pointed at the other.

“If I deny it, will you believe me?” Raven asked hopefully.

“No.”

“Then why even bother asking?” 

“What did I tell you?!” Simon asked venomously

Raven shrugged, knowing she was probably going to die soon anyway. 

“That I had a pretty little tongue.” she said, tone bored.

She could have sworn she heard Yuto ask her to stop.

“Fine.” She found herself saying.

“Yes it's me.  What about it? Did I embarrass three of your henchmen or something?”

It was quiet for a minute while Mr. Big seemed to think about what to say next.

“Total opposite actually.” he finally said

“You mean to tell me that three grown men getting their ass kicked by a woman barely five foot tall isn’t embarrassing?”

“I couldn't give a shit about those men, Raven.” Mr Big said.

Raven was now thoroughly confused.  If it wasn’t about the men, what was it about?

“So then can someone tell me what the hell I'm doing here?” She asked, raising her voice a little.

“Ari.” Mr. Big said, giving no other details.

“Ari?” Raven asked quickly, panic shooting through her whole body. 

“What about her? You didn't hurt her did you? God damnit! Don't you bastards have any morals? She's a child. A CHILD!” Raven screamed at him.

“And you!” she said, taking four long strides to get to Yuto.

“You should have just killed me in my fucking apartment instead of bringing me here!  You somehow built a false sense of security in me, letting me think I’d live.  I fucking hate you.” Raven said, pushing Yuto roughly.

She felt more embarrassed than anything else.  She’d let her guard down around Yuto and she was paying for it now.  

“Raven, stop.” Yuto said, not actually attempting to stop her movements.  He let her push him and slap him harshly on the chest, but he was not moved from his spot.

“No! Fuck you. I am such an idiot.  I wish I’d have shot you in the throat when I had a chance.  That creepy fuck was right.” Raven said, stopping her assault and pointing to Simon.  “You played nice.  Jokes on me I guess.”

“Are you done now?” Yuto asked, raising his voice.

“No. I’m just getting started actually! Since I’m not leaving this room alive, let’s air everything out!”

She turned her attention to the boss.

“You’re a horrible person. You run this town on fear. What for? Everyone knows you’re the Big man around here. Stupid ass pun intended.  You control the money, the guns, the cops, the drugs. You control everything. No one questions that and no one's tried to stop you. You have people like big mean and scary next to you that overpower people.  You murder people, people who don’t fucking deserve it, and now you’re going after another child? What the fuck could an innocent child have done so wrong deserve a trip to see you. So much for a fucking safe House."

Raven stopped for a second before looking up at Simon.

"And you...you're just a fucking creep.  Tough man that bullies people. Here's your chance." Raven said, beckoning Simon forward.

"Come at me face to face. Don't be a pussy and shoot me in the back. Let me get a few good shots in before I'm dead."

Raven was running on pure adrenaline at this point. Her sense of self-preservation had really left her.

She watched as Simon angrily took off his suit jacket and threw it on the ground.

"You will stop right now." Commanded Mr. Big in a booming voice Raven didn't think possible to come out of such a small man.

"Fuck you." Raven spit out defiantly, staring the man down.

"I wasn't speaking to you. I was speaking to Simon. I'd also prefer if you didn't speak to me that way. But if you must, fine." Mr. Big said.

"What?" Raven asked, standing up straighter.

"Simon you may leave."

Simon nodded his head before picking his suit jacket up and heading towards Raven and the door.  Raven watched him walk confidently towards her.

"I'm not done with you yet." Simon said lowly as he passed by Raven.

"From what I can see, we haven't even started yet." Raven bit back.

Simon stopped his movements and turned back toward Raven.  Raven thought she saw Yuto shift towards her in her peripheral vision, but she couldn’t be sure.

"Simon! Get out now." Mr. Big commanded again.

Raven watched him walk out the door before turning back towards Mr. Big.

"He's your go to guy, right, your assassin? Why'd you send him out?" Raven asked.

"Because his services aren't needed here." 

"Okaaay. So can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"We could have done that ten minutes ago if you would have just shut your damn mouth and listened." Yuto said, using the same exasperated tone he had been using with her the whole time.

"I'm going to be really honest with you. Keeping my mouth shut, not my strong point." Raven admitted.

"Yeah, no shit." Yuto nearly laughed.

"As I was saying." Mr. Big cut in.

"Ari. The girl you saved today."

And just like that Raven was tense again.

"She's my daughter."

[musicprincess655]

FIC IS COMPLETE

“Rei-chan, I promise I’m fine,” Miyuki pleaded, giving Rei the best puppy dog eyes he knew how to do. Which was pretty good, considering he could shift into a canine species.

“Sawamura?” Rei asked.

“Kaji-sensei says three more weeks,” Sawamura replied without looking up from tying his shoe. Miyuki glared at him.

“Traitor,” he muttered.

“Sounds like you’ll be riding the bench with me for three more weeks, Miyuki-kun,” Rei said sweetly. “I could use help taking notes.”

“Rei-chan please,” Miyuki tried again, turning up every bit of charm he knew how to use. “It’s my last year, I don’t want to start it sitting out.”

“I’d have a lot more sympathy for your cause if you hadn’t lied and hid this from everyone,” Rei said. “But since you decided to be a complete idiot instead, I feel absolutely no regret in benching you.”

“Am I ever going to live that down? I apologized.”

“And the apology is the reason you’re allowed on the bench and not banned from practice entirely,” Rei said. Luckily, Miyuki had known her long enough to know when the subject was closed, but she didn’t think that meant she was exempt from the complaints.

“Takashima-sensei?” Rei turned to see Nagao, Inamoto, and Hidokoro looking at her expectantly. “We finished that work you gave us.”

“The reading for your lesson tonight is the next chapter,” Rei said. “Take notes. This one’s important.”

“See you after practice, Sensei.” They waved, disappearing back into the school. Sometimes, they stayed to watch practice, but with the school year ramping up, they’d started devoting more time to their studies. Rei wondered if it was out of habit or something else.

The trio from Sakurazawa had become permanent fixtures in Seidou. Once the dust had settled from the death curse, it hadn’t been quite clear what to do with them, although there was a vocal faction calling for them to be sent to prison just like the rest of the members of Maimon. It wasn’t a faction that had a lot of support, considering how enthusiastic the trio had been in giving names and information on the group.

Still, even Rei had to acknowledge that they couldn’t just release the three into the world, although her reasons were very different from others. Letting them go without any support just kept the reasons they’d fallen in with Maimon alive.

What had really turned the tides in the trial of the trio was the support of the coven battle teams, which had earned everyone’s respect for how well they’d defended the city from the death curse. Especially important had been the members who’d lost cities and people to the death curse. Kuramochi’s testimony in particular had stood out.

((“Throwing them in prison won’t solve anything,” he said. “That just gives more of a reason for more kids like them to fall into the same situation. They didn’t plan this curse, and they wouldn’t have done it if they didn’t think they had another option. Punish the people who planned this, but don’t punish them.”))

In the end, the more sympathetic groups had won out. The trio was on a kind of house arrest in Seidou, boarded up in a larger room that could hold the three of them. Rei was tasked with organizing a guard for them and keeping them in line.

Basically, they were Rei’s problem now, and it was a better outcome than she’d been hoping for.

She was taking the opportunity to catch them up on everything she thought they needed to know about magic. Their knowledge was spotty at best, which was to be expected considering how long they’d been out of school. However, all three were bright students, and they learned fast. Rei was already trying to figure out how to sell the idea of admitting them as students in Seidou next year or the year after to the board. It would be an uphill battle, but she thought she’d gained a lot of support this year because of how she’d handled the death curse.

She took stock of the team on the field. Most people had healed enough that it was no problem to let them practice, although Tesshin had been taking practice slower than usual this year. Still, despite some calls to cancel the yearly match between Inashiro and Seidou, all four teams had vehemently protested, so Tesshin needed to step it up if he wanted to win.

Sawamura had healed beautifully from his concussion, and in the months he’d had to practice without Miyuki, his control had improved. Rei privately thought it was good that they had no choice but to develop individually from each other, no matter how incredible they were together.

Furuya’s shoulder had healed, and during his physical therapy, he’d actually developed stamina and control. He was stronger than ever, and Rei couldn’t wait to watch him and Sawamura compete for the main ace position. They would drive each other to new heights.

Kanemaru had also healed from his concussion, and he was coming out swinging, determined to make starter this year.

Rei was thrilled with how the team was starting to shape up, slow start aside. It was only the end of April, and this summer would be one to remember, she was sure of it.

“Haven’t they started yet?” Rei turned to see Kominato Ryousuke clumping along on his crutches. “They’re slacking off.”

Ryousuke wasn’t quite as healed as everyone else on the team. His leg had been truly destroyed, and he wasn’t even out of the cast yet. He had a long road to recovery ahead of him, but Rei had high hopes for him yet. He was technically only a sophomore, he had a long time left here. In the meantime, Rei wanted to see how the teamwork between Kuramochi and Haruichi developed.

“They’ll get started soon,” Rei promised him. “Do you want to sit in the dugout with me?”

“And listen to Miyuki complain about being benched again?” Ryousuke asked. “Pass. I’ll go hang out on the bleachers.”

He clumped back off, and Tesshin stood up, ready to start practice.

“So when are we signing adoption papers for Nagao, Inamoto, and Hidokoro?” he asked before he headed out.

“I wasn’t aware we were adopting them,” Rei replied.

“We kind of already have,” Tesshin said. “They come over every week for dinner.”

“Because I feel bad that they’re cooped up here at school,” Rei said.

“You’re personally tutoring them.”

“They deserve an education just as much as everyone else.”

“You’ve started planning how you’re going to get the board to admit them next year.”

“You saw that?”

“You left it out.”

“Fine,” Rei sighed. “We can talk about this later. And ask them later. Right now you have to run practice.”

“Alright team!” he called, drawing everyone’s attention. “Laps, and I want to hear you across the field.”

There were some groans, but everyone took off running. Rei watched as they lapped around, steady footfalls warm and familiar. They’d lost a lot this year, but they’d kept enough to rebuild, and rebuilding they were. Nothing was the same, but that was okay. Things never stayed the same year to year on this team.

It didn’t mean they didn’t still have some things from last year. There was still Sawamura, happily shouting louder than everyone else. They still had Kawakami, with his steady hand. They still had Furuya, who was more like a quiet storm than anything else. There was still Kuramochi, and Haruichi, and other pillars they’d depending on last year.

And there was Miyuki, who would be captain when he managed to get off the bench. Rei was stupidly proud of him, and she’d tell him that when she was done being furious at him for pulling that ridiculous stunt.

Nothing was the same. But they moved on anyway.

The future looked bright.

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

________________________________________

Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

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So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

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And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10