#I WILL NEVER SHUT UP AGAINNNN

[jennyfk13]

“ SWORDFIGHT IN HER MOUTH, HA! “

My artstyle keeps changing drastically i need help

I cba to draw her brooch my tablets on 3% and my charger is nowhere to be seen

Izaack as Ram

Robertsky as Kurt btw

[chocosvt]

HER | part two.

✧✎ synopsis: wonwoo, a heartbroken and burnt out writer nearing the end of his math degree, wants nothing to do with the seemingly perfect, intimidating girl who has everyone under her thumb. you. unfortunately, his literary talent has got him shoved him between a rock and a hard place when you want to write a book and require his expertise. you two are the furthest from compatible. wonwoo can’t see this going well. at all.

pairing: wonwoo x fem!reader word count: 22.7k genres/tropes: writer!wonwoo, university!au, plug!vernon + boyfriend!mingyu as prominent side characters, SLOWBURN (i am not fucking around this is my slowest burn yet), relationship drama, soul searching, strong angst/hurt (i’m coming for the jugular), comfort, romance, smut, a smoothie of every emotion on earth.

(!) warnings: drug use (weed, cocaine, ecstasy), wonwoo has anxiety + anxiety attacks + fairly dark thoughts, prescribed medication, gambling, intense language, infidelity, throwing up.

✧✎ a/n: just some quick things i want to make apparent!

the fic is told from wonwoo’s pov, not the reader’s! 

all major timeline events are organized through chronological dates

any smut or potentially triggering scenes are NOT MARKED bc the content is already quite mature, so just plz be aware of that! 

bolded and italicized text implies the characters are conversing in korean, tho it doesn’t happen often!

the fic in its entirety is 140k, so it has been split into 6 parts.

updates: in terms of a posting schedule, i'm pre sure i'm just gonna post every saturday night ~12am EST (so technically sunday lol). taglist is included in the comment section since tumblr now has limit as to how many peeps are mentioned per post :p

thanks againnnn! 🌟

⇢ part one | part three | part four | part five | part six ⇢ soundtrack for those curious! ⇢ read at ur own pace! :)

—MAY 12TH.

Wonwoo was sat on his couch with your laptop glowing in front of him, one hand holding up his chin while the other scrolled slowly through your writing. Finally, you’d let him actually glean your work, and he was quite impressed with your natural skill. He supposed the biggest issue was the choppiness—your sentence structures were much like your racing tangents, and in some areas the writing lacked flow and a smooth continuality. But that sort of ability would just develop on its own as long as you were practicing.

For the most part, Wonwoo was leaving behind small notes and highlighting areas that you could revisit at a later time.

“Okay, I’m going to do a handstand.”

However, as Wonwoo had been combing through your work for the past half-hour, that left you with an apparent boredness which somehow translated into an acrobatics session in his living room.

“I’d really prefer you didn’t,” he answered through the fingers covering his mouth, his eyes trained with focus on the document.

“No, no. I used to be so good at them. Watch.”

Wonwoo was in the midst of typing a note when a small, circular embroidered pillow had suddenly struck the laptop, nearly forcing it shut. It was then that Wonwoo looked up with a long sigh, acknowledging the devious, shining smile that sprung to your face.

“Now that I have your attention—”

Wonwoo titled his head, folded his arms, and propped one foot onto the coffee table, somewhat like an exhausted parent who was being heckled by their child to watch the “special trick” they’d just learned. He was internally praying you actually were good at handstands, because that fragile pottery vase and the antique gold clock sitting on the fire mantel had never looked so breakable until now. A cool breeze slivered in through the open window as your arms began raising above your head, and he heard you inhale steadily.

“Go!” You then shouted, either in motivation or impatience aimed at yourself, loud enough to make Wonwoo flinch.

The next moment, you were basically flipped upside down, your socked feet sticking pointedly in the air while your hands stumbled about on the brown rug for a few seconds, attempting to find their place rooted in the fuzz. Wonwoo pursed his lip, impressed.

“See! Told you!”

“I mean, I never said you couldn’t.”

“Are you amazed?”

He watched with a slight bit of nervousness as you walked a few paces forward with your hands, though he kept his calm composure from the couch and dealt you about three dull claps.

“Cirque de Soleil is asking for you, actually.”

To Wonwoo’s utter relief, you collapsed back onto your feet, probably because the blood was gushing to your head and he’d rather not have you faint squarely on the face in his living room. You then sat on your knees for a moment, rubbing slowly at your scalp.

“I’m almost done,” Wonwoo reaffirmed, moving aside the stitched pillow you’d chucked at him earlier and reopening the laptop.

“Don’t let me rush you.”

He chuckled instantly. “You mean to tell me you’re not bored out of your mind? Why else would you be doing cartwheels.”

Finally, you got up from the rug.

“Um, it was a handstand,” you were hasty to correct him, now sinking into the seat beside Wonwoo on the couch with the circle pillow pulled onto your lap. “I could do a cartwheel, though.”

“Yeah, not in this house you’re not.”

“Not in this house you’re not.”

He merely smirked at your attempt to mimic him by employing a cartoonishly deep tone that you found very amusing, made evident by your prideful giggles close to his ear. Just as Wonwoo scrolled to the end of the document to type his last note, you were piqued with curiosity and leaned over his lap, grabbing at the screen to examine how far he’d come during your hour together.

“So, where are you at anyway?”

Wonwoo pressed himself back into the couch, immediately removing his hands from the keyboard. It felt like at the most random, unpredictable times you would swoop in so close to him, and he never quite knew how to react. Most times he would freeze, become stiff and hardly breathing, run his eyes in all different directions around the room because everything seemed easier when he pretended you didn’t exist.

He adjusted his glasses, cleared his throat.

“I’m basically done.”

“You are? Okay. Hm… it seems like you made a lotta notes.”

Wonwoo squirmed in his seat as though it were scratching him. You eventually pulled away, but your knee was now resting on the side of his thigh and you were sitting much closer than before—close enough that your shoulder was digging into his and he could sense your full, bright eyes burning a stare at his pink cheek.

“They’re mostly easy fixes…” he mumbled, refusing to look at you, instead scrolling impetuously through the document with jerks of his pointer and middle finger.  

“Well, what do you think of it?”

He paused, still staring at the laptop.

“Of what?”

“Wonwoo, my writing, obviously,” you said with a warm laugh and a soft breath that rushed over his neck in such a pleasurable, lightheaded way. “And look at me,” he heard you ask in a lower, more sincere voice, your fingers then ghosting along his tense jaw in a fleeting, sensitive touch as you guided his head gently in your direction, “I just want to know you’re telling the truth.”

He was accustomed to your eyes being filled with sparks and the readiness to pit the most sharp-tongued comment in history, and so Wonwoo was able to relax ever so slightly upon realizing how your gaze had become increasingly mellow, welcoming even.

“Well, you’re obviously good at it,” he managed to answer the question without his voice trembling, “just some pacing issues, mostly. You’ve got a bit of an issue with run-on sentences and closing up a scene. But you plan a lot, which is nice. I mean, you can only get better.”

An earnest smile picked its way across your face, framing your polished teeth and pushing up the apples of your cheeks. Wonwoo had to look away—sometimes it was too much—you were too much, and he refused to let himself drown beneath your intensity that he found purely terrifying. Your knee proceeded to pull from his thigh and you were now dragging your body off the couch, which meant that Wonwoo could safely exhale the breath he was holding. He wondered if you just wanted to hear the compliment, or if you were legitimately pleased with his praise.

You walked up to his fireplace mantel, examining the items left along the white, sparkling trim he’d spritzed clean of all dust.

“Did you make this?” Came your inquiry, a curious finger pointing toward the round-bottomed, thin-necked red vase.

Wonwoo shook his head.

“No, it was a welcome gift from the landlord.”

“She made it?”

“Yeah,” he hummed. “Didn’t I tell you? She owns the pottery business downstairs. Saskia. She immigrated here like, eighteen years ago, now. From Poland. I thought you might’ve run into her.”

Shaking your head, you turned back to the vase.

“I didn’t see her at all.”

“She was probably in her office.”

“How did she make all these little emblem thingies? Around the base? Like, this one’s got an elephant. This one is a fruit tree.”

Wonwoo squinted at the vase from his place on the couch. He hadn’t really examined it much, apart from when his landlord had thrust it into his hands while she welcomed him to the building. It never held any flowers, either—not even the brilliant ruby coloured poinsettias his ex-girlfriend's mother was supposed to send.

The relationship has disintegrated before it could ever happen.

“Fuck, don’t know. She has a bunch of little tools down there for more detailed work. Maybe a stamp. You’d have to ask her.”

“It’s really pretty.”

His brows furrowed. “Yeah? You like ceramics or something?”

You turned back to him, shrugging.

“I don’t know. I was just saying, it’s pretty.”

“It is. It’s very pretty.”

With a sigh, you climbed back onto the couch.

“Do you think you’re done editing?”

He picked up the laptop and set it down on the coffee table.

“I think so. For the day.”

“Perfect.” You smiled. “I’ll make time to read your notes tomorrow morning, if I can. Seems like there’s about eight-hundred.”

Wonwoo chuckled, “not eight-hundred. Try twenty.”

“Twenty?!” Your eyes bulged in shock as you gripped onto the embroidered pillow hugged back into your lap. “That’s so many!”

“What—twenty is somehow more than eight-hundred? What fucking planet are you living on where numeracy works like that?”

“Wonwoo, I have so much to do tomorrow!” You winced, tossing your head against the couch and slipping down the cushions.

“Okay, like what?”

“… Gosh… no, no. Fuck it. It doesn’t matter.”

“No, tell me. What have you got to do tomorrow?”

“I don’t want to tell.”

“Why not?” He murmured.

“If I talk about, then I’ll want to do it even less.” There was an empty sigh he heard from your chest as your arms curled tight around the pillow. “Besides, it’s squished all into my colour-coded block on the schedule. The pink one. I just—I don’t want to think about it.”

“Fair. I get that.”

“It’s complicated family stuff.”

Wonwoo huffed sympathetically. “I get that even more.”

“… So, we’re still good for Spring Street on Sunday?” You asked, staring up at Wonwoo from your sunken, defeated slump.

He nodded.

“I’ll be there if you are.”

—MAY 14TH.

The Spring Street Fair. It happened every single May, for three days straight, usually Friday to Sunday. In the daytime it was cheerier and more watered down for the children that came hand in hand with their parents, looking to feed the alpacas and ride those nauseating teacups and sob until exhaustion because they accidentally let go of their kitten-shaped balloon. However, at night, the fair had become a beacon for the older, rowdier university crowd.

Wonwoo never went despite all his recent years living in the city, but Vernon had, usually on accounts of “business” which really meant selling drugs for idiotic prices behind the Whirler or the Starship. You wanted to go, but hadn’t told Wonwoo the reason. He opted to assume it was another part of your story—maybe you ran into Mingyu at a similar fair when you were younger, and it was therefore very integral you go Spring Street tonight. It was the exact opposite of what Wonwoo typically appreciated doing on Sundays, and he knew for a fact he’d loathe it, every single part.

“No fuckin’ way!” Vernon’s voice exploded through the crackly static on Wonwoo’s phone as he stood in line for the fair, gazing over top everyone’s heads to gauge the ticket booth. “I can’t believe your loser ass actually crawled outta bed for that.”

Wonwoo scoffed, “yeah, it wasn’t my choice.”

“Then what for?”

“Her. She wanted to go. It’s for the book.”

He was supposed to meet you inside the fair. It was almost ten o’clock at night. The sky was beautifully clear, illuminated with pinpricks of starlight, and the air had once been crisp. Now, Wonwoo was beginning to smell sparked cannabis, and he assumed a likewise scent would follow him all damn night. The horrid, anxious process of standing in the mile long line was made palatable through his conversation with Vernon, who—shockingly—wasn’t even there.

“Ohh, the book, the book. Wait—she’s gonna write her book at the fuckin’ Spring Street Fair? How the fuck does that work?”

“No, it’s not like that,” Wonwoo chuckled. “It’s stuff about the settings, the environment; she uses it to help with her writing.”

“Hm, doesn’t make much sense to me, probably ‘cause I don’t like readin' or writin' or anything with books. But, damn, I’m jealous of you, Glasses. Do y’know how hard I tried to smooth talk my way into that girl’s pants? N’somehow, you can write good—”

“Write well, not good.”

“Oh, fuck you—write well—so she takes you everywhere like a little purse dog. When does that happen to me, yeah?”

The line started slowly pouring forward, and Wonwoo felt himself get dragged along. Probably another five minutes and he would be at the ticket booth, getting one of those neon bracelets circled around his wrist that were nearly impossible to rip off.

“Why didn’t you come?” Wonwoo asked.

Vernon groaned, “got into some bullshit with this guy who’s not payin’ up. I’m handlin’ it, though. If I can manage to get it all sorted, I’ll come later. It’s too fuckin’ easy selling those gummies to the first years, dude. Shit, it could be some Flintstone vitamins and they’re actin’ like Chicken Little. Cracks me the fuck up.”

Wonwoo cleared his throat, smiling. “You’re such a cunt.”

“Hey, hey, you are what you eat, okay? And, when you get inside or whatever, text me where you’re hangin’ so if I do come, I can see you for a bit. Dunno if your girlfriend will approve.”

The air began mottling with a thin, chalky smoke that drifted from somewhere down the crowded string of university students. Again, the line shuffled, and the congestion gradually broke up as more people were allowed into the fair. Wonwoo switched the phone to his other ear, getting his wallet ready.

“Don’t even start.”

“Start what? I said nothin’.” Vernon’s laughter was raspy and obviously laced with a smirk that Wonwoo could hear.

“Don’t be such a prick. She’s not my—”

Suddenly, Wonwoo’s phone began vibrating against his palm, and when he pulled it down an immediate lump conjured in his throat upon reading your name. His heart jolted, and it wasn’t until someone pushed hard on his back to urge him forward that he realized the line was once again ambling closer to the ticket booth.

Vernon sighed, “so, again, tell me where you’ll—”

“Shit—uh, gotta go. Talk to you later.”

A few remnants of Vernon’s miffed, guttural cursing managed to leak through the phone before Wonwoo could press to accept your call. In an instant, his friend was blipped away, and he heard your voice instead. He held back a cough from the astringent, cottonish air.

“Wonwoo, hello. I’m glad you picked up. So, where the hell are you? It’s nearly ten! Did you not get in line early?”

Wonwoo kept the phone secured between his shoulder and ear while he shimmied the coins out from his wallet.

“No, I did, promise. Just about to pay. Where are you?”

“When you get in, just follow the arrows. They're lit up with those blue lightbulbs. They go to the tavern. I’m having some drinks with my friends. Don’t worry. You won’t have to do much socializing.”

“Uh, okay,” Wonwoo answered, internally counting up the money in his hand until he was certain of the amount. “Mingyu’s there?”

“No. He always plays poker with his friends on Sunday.”

An unbeknownst pressure escaped his chest.

“Okay. I’m close to the front. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Sure. Don’t be late!”

“I know. Bye.”

Hanging up the phone, Wonwoo had just enough time to wriggle the device into his back pocket before handing the ticket booth clerk his coins. She dropped the cold change into his hand, then asked to see his wrist, where she proceeded to attach the bracelet with the words Spring Street Fair etched into the orange, plasticky-feeling paper.

Finally, he was let inside.

Blue arrows, blue arrows—that was all Wonwoo kept reiterating in his head like some religious hymn as he followed the glow throughout the fairgrounds, weaving his way between large groups of people that he gleefully didn’t recognize. Eventually, he saw the tavern you were referring to—an outdoor bar with picnic tables set up everywhere, beneath cheap little strings of warm, lambent lights.

Even with his glasses on, Wonwoo was still squinting as he walked between each table, attempting to discern your dolled-up face somewhere amongst the strangers sipping on their large mugs of alcohol, that was until he heard his name being called over the music rumbling from the bar’s horrible speakers. When he looked straight ahead, he saw you cutely waving him over. With each step he took, Wonwoo reminded himself to breathe, to loosen up, to stop clenching his fists so painfully tight as though he were going to split someone’s eyebrow. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Just breathe.

You stood up from the table to welcome him, and he felt your hand settle softly on his lower back. The touch was grounding.

“So, everyone, girls, if I could get your attention for just a moment despite the general impairment going on here—this is the mystery guy whose been helping me write. Wonwoo.”

God—he wanted to puke, all those big, curious, unabashed eyes soaking him in like freshly dipped watercolour to a cloth canvas. There was a cluster of high-pitched voices that repeated his name in a shrill, unison greeting. However, Wonwoo was unable to meet a single girl’s gaze, and so he opted to stare down at a paper plate on the table aligned with cinnamon-sprinkled churros.

Again, he wanted to throw up.

“So, of course, Wonwoo’s been the biggest help with everything,” you said, to which he could sense your nails subtly digging at him through his clothes, most likely a silent urge to say something so he didn’t seem so unprecedentedly stiff and metallic.

He cleared his throat.

“Uh, yeah. I’m just proofreading, really.” Wonwoo had to swallow. “Some tips here and there. But, she’s pretty good as is.”

“Is that your actual voice?”

His eyes darted to find who asked the question. She was toward the end of the picnic table, tucking a lock of short, coffee brown hair behind her ear. Before the girl was a gigantic and fluorescent pink drink, the glass resembling the shape of a fish bowl.

“… What do you mean?” Wonwoo replied.

She sat up on her knee, continuing to ogle him with those fixated but glazed chestnut eyes. Her mouth seemed to drag as though it was thawing when she spoke. Wonwoo could tell she was already well inebriated. There was no way that was her first drink.

“Your voice,” she repeated, “it’s so… deep.”

“Well… I don’t know. Puberty.”

His comment elicited some giggles from around the table, to which he could feel the cartilage in his ears burning.

“Wonwoo—” another girl then leaned forward with her head tilted up and a coy, drunk smile flittering on her mouth, “—I think it’s so, so great you’re helping Her write. I actually think it’s the sweetest, ever.” Her lashes were coated in smooth mascara and her eyelids were remarkably glimmery, drenched in an electric shade of blue that he couldn’t stop staring at. “Also, sorry, but you’re like, super gorge.”

“Super what?” He repeated, confused at her wording.

But she didn't seem interested in repeating herself, instead scooping the long and impressively silky black hair off her shoulder to spill down her pale back.

“Okay, okay, okay. We’ve all shared some impetuous conversation and we’ve all swooned over him now. Yippee. Unfortunately, we’ve gotta get going, friends.”

Wonwoo felt your hand land on his shoulder and gently tug him backward, away from the table. You then proceeded to grab the glass left at your seat, chugging the remaining alcohol until there was nothing but a melting block of ice cubes clicking at the bottom. While you wiped your mouth, you began aiming a finger at each girl.

“To make a long story short, that’s Princess, Clara, and Bells. Do you have any comments for them before we go?” The impatience in your tone was bleeding through with sheer apathy.

Wonwoo shrugged. “Uh, nice to meet everyone? I guess.”

“Short and efficient. How perfect. Okay, I’ll see you guys later, I think. Actually—probably not. So can someone eat my churros?”

Your arm curled around Wonwoo’s bicep as though to whisk him away as hurriedly as possible. Everyone left at the table began waving, and Wonwoo couldn’t even bring himself to force a fake, pleasant smile because he was still attempting to understand what all those comments even meant. You walked briskly until the poetic, firefly lights of the tavern were lost long behind in the distance, and when you finally paused, he had not a clue where he was standing—a busy centre with people mingling all around him, the wild whirring of carnival rides and chaotic, blinking hues strobing above his head.

When he looked down at you, he was surprised to see you were already staring back, and he could only hold the eye contact for no more than a few seconds or else his heart would skip a beat.

“Sorry about all that,” you said, rolling your shoulders, “I tried to be somewhat reasonable with my drinking for once. I can’t say the same for Clara and Bells. They guzzle cocktails like apple juice.”

“Bells is… the one with all that sparkly blue eyeshadow?”

“Oh—yeah. She loves sparkles. Glitter. Anything glimmery. She’s been like that ever since I’ve known her. Clara was the one who asked about your voice. She has a thing for guys with deep voices and you unfortunately fit the bill. And I’m sorry that Princess didn’t say anything. She kind of just looks and observes. Also I’m like ninety-eight percent sure she popped something in a porta-potty before we met up so she’s probably in a mental state of star-surfing. Anyway. You don’t have to worry about them, alright? It’s just us for tonight.”

 “Well, that’s… easy enough.”

“I’m not sure if we should stand here.”

“Hm?”

You then pointed to something behind Wonwoo, and when he turned his head, he felt a gust of wind from the gigantic, spinning ride that resembled a flying saucer in the nighttime sky. It was always beyond him why anyone would choose to strap themselves into a machine that terrifying. It made him sick just watching.

“If I get throw up on my head, I’m killing myself.”

“Okay, so let’s find somewhere else.”

As he began walking away in search of a quieter area, you grabbed onto the back of his clothes. Wonwoo raised his eyebrow.

“We have to hold hands, or have arms linked,” you said.

For some reason, Wonwoo presumed you were joking, and so he tilted his head at you with a questioning smile. But when your serious expression didn’t crack, he realized it wasn’t a joke at all.

“Oh… why?”

“Because—” you then took a step toward him and spoke matter-of-factly, like you were reading a rule book, “—it’s the buddy system. Always have someone at your side, and make sure you’re linked in some way. It’s too easy to get separated in places like this, otherwise. Have you never heard of that before?”

“I have,” Wonwoo answered, adjusting his glasses. “My—um, my hands are a little cold. I don’t have the best circulation.”

The truth was, Wonwoo didn’t want to hold your hand. He didn’t want to link arms with you. He didn’t want you pressed into his side all night. He didn’t want to have the scent of your hair under his nose or feel your ticklish breath against his neck each time you spoke.

But he didn’t have a good enough excuse to fight it.

“Oh my god, who cares,” you retorted. “And I have super sweaty hands. Like, uncomfortably warm. We'll balance out.”

 “Actually?”

“Yes! Is that a problem for you, sweetheart?”

Wonwoo quickly shook his head in response to your condescending tone. You then reached for his hand, which he offered up for your required holding, and chose to ignore the butterflies in the deep pit of his stomach when he realized how perfectly your fingers slotted with his. He followed your lead through the fair until you came outside a small lemonade booth. Wonwoo thought you would drop his hand, but you didn’t, and his knees felt like gelatine.

“I want another drink,” you told him.

He squinted at their options, which didn’t really consist of much. The prices were obviously insane—it was another reason he hated going to fairs. His wallet always got cleaned out.

“You’re going to have to use the washroom a lot.”

“Ugh,” you gritted in response, brushing some hair from your face, “I hate public washrooms. They’re so gross. Completely unsanitary. Awful maintenance. One time I was here and I walked into the washroom by the Mirror Hall and I swear, a freaking rat ran across the floor! I screamed bloody murder. I’d rather squat in the bush and risk getting, like, poison ivy. But the washrooms have mirrors obviously, and I like checking my makeup and stuff. I wish I could check now.”

“Right now? I mean, your makeup looks fine.”

Wonwoo saw your entire face freeze, and then begin to warp, as though he’d just said the most dreadful thing he could think of.

“Fine?” You glared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He started stumbling over his words, feeling his chest tighten.

“So, what you’re saying is that I look ugly? That my makeup looks bad? Because if you really thought it was ‘fine’ then you wouldn’t have said it looks ‘fine’ because everyone knows that word is a substitute for passable and passable is just a substitute for ugly!”

He opened his mouth, then instantly closed it.

“So what’s wrong with it? Are my under eyes creasing? Is my contour too dark? Is my lipstick smudged? Did it get on my teeth? Ugh, I knew I should have brought my compact!”

“No, no, no.” Wonwoo squeezed your hand, hoping that he could somehow undo the damage he had no intention of even inflicting in the first place. “Uh—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. You look—” he wasn’t sure he could say the compliment without shivering, but Wonwoo didn’t care in the moment, “—your makeup is beautifully done. There’s no creasing or smudging, there’s none of that."

You kept touching worrisomely at your face. “Are you sure?”           

“I promise.” Wonwoo confirmed, giving your hand another tight, reassuring squeeze that seemed to calm you down.

He had never seen someone switch gears that quickly. You could be perfectly amicable one second, and then break down into near hysteria the next, a slew of anxious thoughts running straight from your brain to your mouth like clockwork.

Wonwoo wondered how Mingyu dealt with such tangents all the time. The trait almost didn’t seem to fit your image.

The line moved forward another step.

“Are you going to drink anything?” You asked after a moment of silence, in a quieter voice. “I want to get the strawberry refresher.”

“Maybe.”

“What will you get?”

“I… don’t know. A regular lemonade?”

“No,” you shook your head, pointing toward the corner of the booth’s menu, “get the pina colada thing. I want to try it, too.”

“Okay,” Wonwoo agreed with a shrug as he retrieved his wallet, not really caring about what he drank. “I’ll pay for it. No worries.”

The longer Wonwoo was at the fair, the less he actually thought about why he was there, until the question leapt into his mind at random while he stood beside you, waiting for a seat on the dauntingly large Farris wheel. He removed the straw from his mouth, swallowing a gulp of his pina colada flavoured drink, and peered down at you. His hand was still interlinked with yours. You had finished the strawberry refresher in about five minutes.

Now, you were texting someone. He didn’t know if it was a friend from earlier or perhaps your boyfriend, but Wonwoo wasn’t a serious sleuth, so he opted to look away despite the natural urge that was pricking him. When you finally tucked the phone back into the small bag slung around your shoulder, Wonwoo lowered the plastic cup from his mouth, making sure to clear his throat.

“So, uh, why are we here, exactly?”

You sniffled. “What do y’mean?”

“Does the fair have anything to do with your writing? Is that why we’re riding the Farris wheel? Oh—speaking of which, I didn’t think to bring the camcorder, in case you wanted any footage.”

“Oh, no,” you said, waving a dismissive hand, “this has nothing to do with my book. We’re palate cleansing.”

“Palate cleansing?” He echoed.

“Yeah. It’s like, doing something different in between a routine, to keep yourself fresh. You always eat breakfast at home but today you skip it and go out for brunch. Y’know, shit like that.”

Wonwoo huffed in amusement. “You could have told me beforehand.”

“Uh, no—” your face scrunched up in clear disagreement, “—I couldn’t, because then you wouldn’t have gone. No offence, but you’re a hermit, Wonwoo. You don’t really like going anywhere or doing anything and you’re definitely one of those people who bores themselves into hating their own life because your stimuli is so limited. That’s why I didn’t tell. Again, no offence.”

“Oh.”

That was all he could string together in response—not even string together, because it was just one boring, monotone sound that basically got carried away in the chilly wind, tinted with the smell of buttery popcorn and weed. It sounded like something that was supposed to sting, but it didn’t really. Maybe he was growing more accustomed to your unprompted judgements on his personal life.

Suddenly Wonwoo had blinked and you two were next in line for the empty cart. The clerk pointed at Wonwoo’s drink.

“You can’t bring that with you,” he said.

Before Wonwoo could think to respond, you had already grabbed the cup from his hand, chucking it straight into the garbage.

“We’re not.”

Pulling on his hand, you guided him into the shaky cart, both of you squishing onto the cold, metal bench. It was quite literally the tamest ride in the entire fair, and yet Wonwoo was still feeling nervous about it—though, that was possibly the fact he was going to be sailed one-hundred feet into the satin black sky, left amongst the stars and the bright, shimmering halo of the moon with you and you alone. He was actually relieved you had tossed his drink, otherwise he might have dropped it due to the trembling in his fingers. It was easier to fiddle with them in order to disguise their shakiness.

“I guess I should have asked if you’re afraid of heights,” you said.

The cart jerked abruptly as the ride began to move and lift you two ever so gradually from the ground. Wonwoo peered over the edge for a brief moment to watch his distance grow from the people below, their jumbled mess of conversations fading in place of quiet.

“Uh, no. I’m okay with heights,” he finally answered.

He saw you glancing down as well, smiling to yourself.

Wonwoo wasn’t sure if he should attempt at conversation or just maintain the stillness between you. Usually, he couldn’t stand it, and the pressure to talk and fill the silence always tended to fail or squander something potentially enjoyable. But he supposed it was typically like that in a situation where two people weren’t the best acquainted—that’s why Wonwoo always quite liked Vernon, despite his rough, nonconformed edges and often vulgar way of speaking.

He was able to carry a conversation so naturally that the quieter moments never felt suffocating, instead falling exactly where they should, like puzzle pieces. But that was harder with you.

Maybe it was because you could be intimidating, unpredictable—Wonwoo was never truly relaxed around you because there was this intangible, looming worry that he needed to have the perfect responses and be the most perfect person. He found that perfect people only hung out with other perfect people and Wonwoo was certainly not that—perfect. You must have seen it by now. He was just as rough as Vernon no doubt, but in a different, hidden way that had to be dug into like an archeologist looking for broken bones.

The Ferris wheel slowed down, coming to a stop. You weren’t at the very top, though the air was notably cooler and much fresher. When he inhaled a long breath, it smelled purely of night and not overpriced, buttery fair food and burning weed. He noted that you stared straight ahead, at the crescent-shaped moon, which mirrored a backward stare with how squarely it sat in front of the ride. For once, Wonwoo wasn’t squirming, wriggling, stressing at the silence. When he spoke, he did it because he genuinely wanted to.

“How was your Saturday?”

“My Saturday?”

“Yeah. I saw the schedule. You had to run a bunch of errands with your mom. Looked like you were pretty keyed up.”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, I want to say I was overreacting the day before about how much I was dreading it. But then it fucking happened. And… I, uh… I realized I was exactly right. It was awful. I did get to your notes, though… yeah—I just—I squeezed them in between brunch with my mom’s friend who could talk herself to death and the excruciating car ride to the publisher’s office.”

“Mmhm.” Wonwoo smiled tenderly. “Did they help at all?”

“Yeah,” you breathed out, “a lot, actually… thank you.”

“I’m sorry your Saturday went so terribly.”

Huffing in response, you nibbled on your inner check.

“Yeah, well, it is what it is… I already knew it was gonna be a shit show. So, what is it that you write about, anyway? Because you seem like you know a whole lot. Seokmin says you let him read some of your poetry, but it was only like, two excerpts.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Wonwoo recalled the memory of Seokmin picking up his leather notebook when it fell out from his bag one day. He’d pestered him about the contents until Wonwoo succumbed and presented him with some lifeless, impatiently scribbled prose that he’d most likely jerked out on the bus or in between his lectures. Seokmin seemed to treat it like fine, prestigious gold, though Wonwoo knew it was the least personal of his work that he would never let another living soul on the planet breathe—not one scent of the ink or even the paper.

“So, you write poetry?”

“I started writing poetry, haikus and all that easy stuff. I developed the interest a lot more through high school. But I never sat down and tried writing anything like a novel until I... I started uni.”

“Yeah. Deciding to be a math major. I still don’t get it,” you sighed, fidgeting with some rings on your fingers. “But what do you even write about? Like, what’s your inspiration?”

Wonwoo paused, looking down at his knees.

“… Life.”

“Life?” You defeatedly slumped into the seat. “That’s the million dollar answer your intelligent brain chose to erect? It’s just that when I think about it, I’m letting you help me with my writing, but I’ve never even read a little smidgen of yours. How’s that fair?”

The higher the Farris Wheel climbed, the stronger the breeze blew, and Wonwoo could feel its tendrils lashing across his cheeks and parting through his hair. You huddled further into your jacket.

“Well, you took Seokmin’s word for it,” Wonwoo laughed.

Your eyes rolled, but you smiled gently. “I know.”

Suddenly, your hand had reached out, and you were pushing the floppy, black tresses off his forehead. Wonwoo’s fingers dug bluntly into his arms. You then angled yourself in the small cart, looking back at him, sculpting your gaze to each crest in his face.

“Why don’t you ever push your hair back?”

The question hit the dark, cold atmosphere like a sizzling ember and Wonwoo was afraid to even open his mouth because he was certain a dying squeak would come out. You continued to play around with the locks, earthing your fingers deep into its texture and attempting to style it despite the persistent, fluttering breeze.

“Um…”

“If you styled it like this—” you moved in closer, staring with so much focus at your nimble movements, “—yeah, like that. It shows off your forehead, gives you a bit of class. I mean, the wind’s messing it up. You don’t tend to do anything with your hair.”

“No.” Wonwoo swallowed, hard.

“Well, you should. Not all the time, obviously. And I’m not saying you look bad with it down—not at all. But you’ve got nice, smouldering features and they’re so much more… framed… when you show your forehead.” You collapsed back into the seat, and that tingly feeling he experienced when your fingers had been tugging and pulling was disseminating throughout his entire body. “I mean, look at how my friends reacted to you. I should apologize for that again, by the way. O-M-F-G, they see one hot guy, and they lose their grip.”

He nearly choked. “Hot?”

It didn’t sound right. Not at all.

“Well, what the fuck, Wonwoo? You’re not ugly.”

“Did you think that when you first saw me?”

You had folded your leg again as the Farris wheel came to another stop. This time, at the very top, at the centre of the night.

“Did I think what? That you’re not ugly?”

“Never mind,” Wonwoo grimaced, hearing the cart creek as you better positioned yourself to face him. “It’s pathetic like that.”

“No. I didn’t think you were ugly. Did you think I was ugly?”

Wonwoo wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the question, but he smothered it down because he knew one little laugh might hit your ear the wrong way, and it would be flames, sputtering and spewing. Obviously, he didn’t think you were ugly—he never had, even before he ever spoke to you. But he wasn’t so shallow as to only regard someone’s physical appearance. You were still terrifying.

“I wouldn’t consider anyone ugly... and I wouldn’t ever use it to describe some aesthetically. But—I mean, I think people can become ugly through their personality, if that makes sense.”

“Yeah, like, if they’re rotten inside.”

“Mmhm.”

“I agree.”

“What was that word your friend Bells said?”

You shrugged, “which word?”

“She said something like, you’re super… I don’t know… super something.”

“Oh—” you sat up more in the cart, your back pressed against the uncomfortable corner, “—Bells said you were super gorge.”

“Meaning…”

“Meaning super gorgeous.” You made a big show of the rehashed compliment, parroting your friend's tone and swaying your shoulders.

“Oh… really?” Wonwoo shook his head. “I thought she was referring to gorge as in when you gorge yourself, from eating.”

“No,” you giggled at him, “it’s a short form, dumb-dumb.”

“Why make a short form out of that? Is it really that strenuous to say the word gorgeous? It’s only an extra syllable.”

“Okay, well, this isn’t the nineteen-twenties. We don’t all cross our T’s and dot our I’s. It reminds me of how you text.”

He furrowed his brow. “How do I text?”

Your eyes rolled frivolously. “I dunno. Like you’re typing to a business colleague or something. You’re so formal. When I think of you texting, I imagine it’s like someone using a typewriter. And that funny little ding sound it makes whenever you start a new line.”

“Oh.”

“What—no one’s ever told you that before? No way.”

“That I text like I’m using a fucking typewriter? No, actually. I can’t say I’ve heard that.”

“Well, it’s not a big deal. You’re just not very plugged into the internet, I suppose. Which is a good thing. It gives you prestige.”

At that, Wonwoo chuckled. “Does it?”

“Yes,” you smiled, eyes full of starlight, “and—just ignore Bells, okay? She was being kind of weird but that can be fully attributed to those three shots I told her not to take.”

“Hm.”

You continued to stare at him with a plotting smile.

“Hm what? What’s the matter?” The metal of the cart squeaked as you leaned forward, your voice suddenly lathered in mischief. “Did you think she was cute?” He heard your tone drop, and your low, smooth voice breathing hot against his ear. “Did you think about fucking her, Wonwoo?”

“No—what the fuck—not at all.” Quickly, he’d pushed you away and off his shoulder, to which you retreated into the corner with a giggle that should have made his skin crawl, but didn’t.

“Well, how would I know?” You answered, tilting your head and stretching out your arms high into the blackness, as though you were trying to reach for a star. “I never know, because you never look at me. It makes me think you just lied and you do think I’m ugly.”

Wonwoo glanced over the edge of the cart, at the almost nauseating distance between himself and the fairgrounds, covered with miniature, bustling people that seemed like breadcrumbs by comparison to their place in the sky. He didn’t want to sink into this conversation. Besides, how was he supposed to look at you when your fingers were just gliding through his hair and your lips were whispering close enough to brush up against his ear? How was he supposed to act composed? Normal?

“Hey, Wonwoo?” Your fingers snapped.

But he just kept thinking. Like he was cut from a separate cloth than you—the fabric of his universe wasn’t woven with yours and he could ruminate as much as he wanted to and it was impossible to hear your intrusions. Why couldn’t he look at you?

You intimidated him, yes. You scared him, double yes.

He already knew that. It couldn’t just be that.

“Wonwoo? God… you shut down over the simplest things.”

“I don’t know.”

You paused, staring him up and down, perplexed.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I don’t know why I can’t look at you.”

There was a lasting silence between you. Wonwoo felt like he might throw up for acknowledging the fact out loud, and his fist tightened in his lap as though to ground himself—to remember where he was and to breathe slowly, because having a panic attack on top of a stupid Ferris Wheel was the last place it should happen. He hadn’t even realized that you’d shifted closer, one leg curled beneath you while you spoke at the side of his head. But he didn’t hear you, couldn’t see you—there was a harsh void inside him that sounded like suctioning air and static. His fingernail was pressing so deeply into the flesh of his pale skin that it was beginning to faintly bleed.

And—all of a sudden—there were these hands cautiously gripping onto his face, pulling him toward you. He kept staring at the movement of your soft lips, focusing on their pronunciation until everything flooded back in one overwhelming whirl and it felt like being slammed by a freight train.

Wonwoo then grabbed onto your bare knee as a crutch. He didn’t mean to. But you didn’t seem to care.

“—everything okay? Wonwoo? Do I need to like, call someone? Because you look like you’re going to be sick.”

He heaved in a gaping breath, feeling how cold the midnight air was in the thinning atmosphere that encompassed him. It was soothing, akin to a hand massaging along his back.

“Wonwoo?” You repeated his name, sounding awfully scared.

Pulling off his glasses, he rubbed at his eyes. He blurrily saw you touch the spot on your knee where his hand had buried into.

“Sorry,” he then coughed through the heartbeat raspy in his throat, bringing the glasses back to his face, “I spaced out.”

“Spaced out?” You echoed. “That wasn’t spacing out.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He thought you fight might it.

“Well…” you sighed, glancing around uncertainly, “are you okay? Is there someone you want to call? I don’t know.”

But you didn’t. Thank God.

“No, I’m—” he stopped, gulping back the words.

“… Yeah?” There was a softer intrigue in your cadence.

Wonwoo looked at you. Fully this time. He looked straight into your eyes that were like a glossy, moonlit ocean, detailed with swirling riptides of surprise and apprehensiveness, but also immense depth that seemed genuinely appreciative of his gesture.

“I’m fine.”

And then he watched you nod, smile, and in return study his cavern eyes with the same intensity and wonder. It was such a peculiar experience, staring at you, understanding a little more of your truth, your gentleness.

He didn’t feel as scared.

—MAY 16TH.

Wonwoo had been standing before the mirror in his washroom for the past half-hour or so, primarily just staring, examining, and pulling at the long, limp fronds of his hair. There was a point in his life when he legitimately put effort into styling it, and all his old hair products were still sitting in the cabinet. Though, his ex-girlfriend had tended to help him with it most days, because he found the strands were just too thick and stubborn to work with.

However, since the Spring Street Fair, Wonwoo hadn’t been able to shake those comments you made—about how nicely his face could be framed and the smouldering nature of his features. He would never think to describe himself that way as it seemed particularly pompous and kind of foolish, but hearing you say it was different. The thing was, Wonwoo had no idea where to start, and attempting to rummage his fingers through his hair just didn’t feel as stimulating or electric compared to your meticulous, sweet touch.

In the midst of opening his cabinet for a comb, Wonwoo heard his phone vibrate. He looked down at the sink, seeing the screen brighten with a text notification from Vernon.

[ Vernon | 12:54 pm ]: hey Glasses

[ Vernon | 12:54 pm ]: Solar Pop at 2?

Wonwoo thought about it for a moment, running his thumb down the spine of the comb to hear the little thwip. And then he sighed in decision, texting back a thumbs up. It’s not like he was working later, and as much as Wonwoo would love to believe that today might be the day he made actual progress on his own story, he knew it was just wishful thinking. In reality he’d waste ample time staring into the document, pondering all the scenes and emotions and nuances he could write rather than moving to write anything at all.

Besides, he hadn’t eaten yet today. The thought of a juicy, sauce-slathered, bun-toasted burger being his first meal prompted the boy’s face to sallow greenly with sickness, but the longer he stood in the washroom, combing and slicking and running styling balm through the black bird’s nest on his head, Wonwoo felt the hunger start to bite like an emaciated, starved dog. He left his apartment knowing he would be somewhat late, but Vernon was always later.

And while Wonwoo sat in one of the booths at Solar Pop, flicking the laminated menu back and forth despite knowing the exact order he was going to place, he thought about sending Vernon another text to ask where the hell he even was. Wonwoo could only sip his slippery glass of coke for so long until the waitress decided he was crazy and had been one-hundred percent stood up.

“Hey, fuck, I’m here.”

2:24 pm—that’s when Vernon finally arrived, sliding himself into the leather bench opposite to Wonwoo while tossing his big, metallic clump of keys onto the table. The boy then proceeded to shimmy off his black jacket, propping his elbows onto the table.

If Vernon ever pulled a tardy stunt like that with you, Wonwoo imagined his friend would probably get stuffed into one of those boxes for sawing people in half. Except it wouldn’t be magic.

“Did you get pulled over or something? Police raid? Traffic stop?” Wonwoo asked, now resting his menu down flat.

Vernon laughed, shaking his head. “Uh, no. Couldn’t find my fuckin’ car keys,” he spoke in a breathless voice. “Sorry ‘bout it.”

“Couldn’t find them?” Wonwoo almost scoffed at the excuse while his friend began scouring his way through the menu. “Dude, they’re the fucking size of a bowling ball. How could you lose them?”

“Okay, okay. Fuckin’ skin me alive, why don’t you?”

“You didn’t come from your place, I’m guessing.”

At that, Vernon began to grin, the metal on his pierced lip glinting underneath a ray of sunlight through the blinds. He was still occupied with choosing which burger he wanted. Wonwoo picked the same choice every time. Vernon always tried something different.

“No, I didn’t,” he rasped, flashing his sharp teeth and flipping the menu over, “but when Maleeha Rabia sends you a text at goddamn one in the morning of her tits, you don’t roll over n’ go to bed like some loser. Besides, my ecstasy was just sittin’ around and I had to use it one way or another. Anyway, doesn’t fuckin’ matter. I think I’ll get the Double Bacon Crunch Burger. Sounds good as hell.”

Finally, Vernon threw the menu down with conviction.

“Jesus Christ—” his copper-burnt eyes then flared open as he looked across the table at his friend, “—who the fuck are you?”

Wonwoo itched his nose. “Um, what?”

Vernon leaned forward, seeming captivated. “Uh, your fuckin’ hair? How’d you get it like that? It’s all brushed over and soft lookin’ and shit. I feel like I shouldn’t be sittin’ with you, Prince Charmin’.”

“I just put some balm in it, combed it around,” he answered, reaching for his drink. “Took me a humiliating amount of time.”

“Well, consider me starstruck. What’s made you do all that?”

Before Wonwoo could answer, the waitress returned to the table with her small notepad and shiny pen. Vernon pitched his order first, and Wonwoo followed, asking for the regular quarter-pounder with a side of hot crinkle-cut fries. Once she whisked the menus away and promised to grab Vernon’s root beer float, Wonwoo realized he still had to answer his friend’s question. He didn’t exactly want to tell the truth, because he knew Vernon would never let him hear the end of it, but Wonwoo also didn’t want to be too dishonest.

“Your face is doin’ that thing.”

“What thing?” Wonwoo answered, swallowing his sip of soda.

Vernon crossed his arms on the table, accenting the canvas of darkly-inked tattoos needled into his skin. He shook his head.

“It’s ‘cause of your little girlyfriend, isn’t it?”

Fuck. Wonwoo should have just opened his mouth straight away and spieled out some quick-witted lie. Now he would be painfully subject to Vernon’s unfiltered teasing. Leaning back in his seat, Wonwoo unearthed a miserable sigh at Vernon’s smirk.

“You’ve gotta drop that bullshit.”

“It’s true,” Vernon pressured.

“No, it’s not.”

As though to interpret Wonwoo’s steadfastness as a challenge, Vernon leaned further over the table, dropping his voice but still smiling devilishly through every word he mimicked between his teeth.

“Oh, Wonwoo, your hair looks so fucking sexy like that. It makes you look so perfect. You’re from my dreams. Please, just fuck me right here, right now so I can push my fingers through it ‘cause it’s so soft and silky and I’m basically in love with you.”

“Shut the fuck up. Please.”

“That was a good impression, though, wasn’t it?”

In the loud space of Wonwoo’s disgusted silence, the waitress placed Vernon’s drink onto the table and ensured the food would be coming soon. Vernon watched her walk away, back into the kitchen.

“Hey,” he then grinned in capitulating fashion, “take a stupid joke, alright? I know she’s not in love with you and she doesn’t wanna suck your dick—she’s got a fuckin’ boyfriend. If it makes you feel any better, I’m just projectin’ ‘cause you know I’m jealous.”

Wonwoo sucked in a sip from his coke, shaking his head.

“There’s nothing to be jealous of.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Vernon dismissed, poking his spoon at the near perfect scoop of vanilla ice cream afloat in the frosty mug, “but just so y’know, your mopey ass left me out to dry on Sunday night. Shoved me off the phone, didn’t respond to one of my texts. You’re lucky I even asked you t’hang today. Did she take your phone or something’?”

Shit. When Vernon said it like that, Wonwoo seemed like a terrible friend. Maybe he did deserve a deal of teasing. But at the same time, Wonwoo knew how easy it was for your attitude to flip and he hadn’t been at all interested in starting the night with hostility.

“Okay, fair.” He admitted, rolling up his sleeves.

“And?” Vernon raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“I’m sorry.”

“There you fuckin’ go. That’s all I wanted t’hear, Glasses.”

The truth was, Wonwoo actually quite enjoyed his time with you that night—despite the transient, bickering hiccups and his nearly faltering panic attack, he had fun. Actual fun. Of course, as soon as your ride ended on the Ferris wheel, you’d clutched onto his hand like a snake sinking in its fangs and dragged him throughout the entirety of the fair to find a washroom. Nonetheless, he really loved playing some carnival games with you, like skee ball and the water pistol. He was even able to win you a pink stuffed bear that you had carried close to the chest for the remainder of your time at the fair.

Wonwoo thought he could spend another night like that with you again. Just to get out of his apartment, to feel exhilaration in the pit of his stomach, to laugh until his lungs dried out, to hold your warm, comforting hand in his even when it became too clammy or inconvenient because otherwise you would scold him for letting go.

“Food’s on the way,” Vernon perked up like a child about to be served a slice of birthday cake as the waitress walked over with two full plates, “if you can’t finish yours, I’ll take it.”

“Yeah—how about you focus on chewing and not choking to death first,” Wonwoo sighed, watching his friend’s metaphorical tail wag.

Once she set the food down, inquiring about any refills, and left while flashing her perfected customer service smile, Vernon grabbed the burger with both his hands, taking a gigantic, succulent bite that somehow didn’t singe the roof of his mouth. Wonwoo winced, instead going for his crisped, golden fries.  

“Damn. You’re really that hungry?”

“I’m ravenous,” Vernon mumbled, picking up a few caramelized onions that fell onto his plate. “Dude, I woke up at noon in Maleeha’s bed. She was out cold. Nothin’ in her pantry but some stale fuckin’ Fruit Loops that I may have tried. I’m a grown ass man. I need a meal.”

“I’m glad you’re so proactive," Wonwoo answered, sinking his burning hot fry into the small side-bowl of ketchup.

It took them less than half an hour to clean their plates. Wonwoo tended to eat at a slower pace, with smaller, more savoury bites, while Vernon sloppily devoured his entire burger and gobbled down his fries with the occasional dipping into the root beer float’s ice cream. They scarcely talked in between, too focused on eating and drinking. Wonwoo pushed away his plate when he’d finished and proceeded to wipe off his salty, crumb-speckled fingers with a napkin, meanwhile Vernon took a moment to sink backward into the leather seat, placing a hand over his full, satiated stomach.

“Hey, do y’think they have any Life Savers?” He eventually piped up while sticking a toothpick into his mouth. “I want grape.”

Wonwoo scoffed, tossing the napkin onto his plate and taking out his phone. “Who the fuck likes grape?”

“Me, you smartass,” Vernon answered, turning backward in his seat and scanning the restaurant for any colourful candy bowls.

He couldn’t deny that he was hoping to see a text from you, but there was nothing, and his chest dropped. Wonwoo decided to open the schedule you had made, curious as to what you were even doing today—work until five o’clock, and then you were going out for supper with some friends at Terra Cotta.

He thought about texting you. His thumbs kept hovering above the keyboard in contemplation, even though he knew for certain he wouldn’t text anything. He would just stare and hope.

“Holy shit. Uh, oh my God. Wonwoo. I-I see—”

Vernon had suddenly reached a hand onto the table, slapping the lacquered wood a few times to garner his attention.

“What?” He mumbled in agitation, keeping his focus glued to the phone. “If you see the Life Savers just go up and take some. I swear, they’re not gonna fucking care you’re not twelve years old.”

“No, no, no, dumbass,” Vernon hissed, turning back around in the booth, his honey eyes glistering in oils of dread and panic. “Look, actually look. That’s Mingyu, isn’t it?”

Immediately, Wonwoo clicked off his phone, instead squinting into the distant corner of the restaurant where a notably tall, black-haired boy with tanned, amber skin had emerged from a doorway, standing in a somehow casual but imposing way that only be Mingyu.

It must be Mingyu, and that fact became glaringly obvious when Wonwoo made the unintentional, floundering mistake of staring straight into the boy’s wandering and earthen brown eyes.

“Oh my fuckin’ God, oh my fuckin’ God,” Vernon kept reiterating under his breath, bouncing his knee like an anxious student waiting for their test. “He definitely saw us. Or—he definitely saw you. This is so bad, man. I think he’s gonna rock me.”

“What?” Wonwoo whispered back harshly, attempting to float his gaze away from Mingyu in a casual manner. “For what reason?”

It seemed like Vernon almost wanted to gag at him. “Um—because of what fuckin’ happened between me n’ his girl! At that party? I told you about that shit, didn’t I?” He rasped from across the table, his bottom lip worried between biting teeth. “Dude, what if he tries to pull a fast one? You’re what—like six foot something? You have to help back me up. I can throw a pretty solid punch—even better when I’m shit-faced—but that might not be enough. Lady Liberty’s built like a brick.”

“Okay, you’re acting crazy,” Wonwoo uttered in disbelief. “I doubt he’s going to be anything but physical, especially in a public place. And, you said you didn’t know Her was in a relationship.”

“How the fuck do I know he knows that? Can’t exactly use my infectious charm on someone whose girlfriend I tried to rail.”

Vernon somehow dared to spare another rapid glance over his shoulder, only to shed an entire mould of colour from his complexion.

“He’s coming, he’s—”

“Shut up and relax,” Wonwoo mumbled. “I’m sure it’s nothing big—he’ll say a thing or two and be on his way. God, I’ll handle it.”

For some reason, Wonwoo thought he should be sinking into consternation a lot more than he actually was, but it’s not that his chest wasn’t thumping or his mind wasn’t spinning amuck with worry. It was more so that he was managing the whirlwind, as best he could, as much as he could manage. Mingyu wasn’t a complete stranger, and all their past interactions had been boringly cordial or even forgettable. Nonetheless, Wonwoo would still prefer to avoid the boy because that made his life simpler in the grand scheme of anxiety.

“Hey, Wonwoo,” Mingyu approached the table with a confident, leisurely stride, extending his large hand for Wonwoo to grab, exchanging a dap. “I almost didn’t recognize you for a sec.”

“All good,” Wonwoo answered, attempting a polite grin that felt much more sweltering on the inside than out. “How’ve you been?”

Mingyu shrugged, burying his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants while he gazed at the slitted curtains for a moment, pondering his reply. “Decent. Playing a lot of basketball. I don’t think I’ve seen you since I came to the pharmacy. You still there?”

“Still there.”

“Well, at least I haven’t had to come in for a fuckin’ pregnancy test yet. That’s good I suppose, yeah?” The boy chuckled, then tilting his head a certain way to crack a stiff spot in his neck.

“Aisle five if you ever need it.”

Mingyu responded with a smirk that perhaps lasted a second too long, and these slimming, analyzing eyes—a gaze that Wonwoo felt ripple in his gut. He chose to believe it was nothing dire, or else he would spiral right there on the spot and lose all fine-tuned control.

Meanwhile Vernon had been sitting quietly the entire time, most likely hoping he would remain in the dark, skulking shadows outside Wonwoo’s spotlight. But he must not have been hoping hard enough, because Mingyu proceeded to smile at him, again extending his hand for another dap, which Vernon yielded apprehensively.

“You’re a pretty recognizable guy, unfortunately,” Mingyu acknowledged with a husky laugh—a clear reference to the boy’s identifying tattoos and numerous facial piercings, “I think you deal to at least a third of my friends. It’s Vernon, right?”

“Mmhm. Yes sir.” To Vernon’s luck, he had a well-polished and gleaming smile that made it impossible for him to seem disingenuous, though Wonwoo knew he was wilting inside.

“I’m sorry about Dots.”

“Oh, uh. All good. It is what it is, y’know?”

Mingyu nodded.

“Hey—those tattoos are crazy good. Where’d you get them?”

Vernon looked across his arm. “Thanks. Mostly Liquid Impact—dude there that I call Funfetti ‘cause he eats Funfetti box cake all the time. Uh, but his actual name’s like, Axel or some white-boy shit like that. He’s done a majority of it. The others—man, I don’t know. Half the time I’m off my fuckin’ face and wake up with shit I never remember.”

“Oh, yeah?” Mingyu sniffed, running a hand through his long, shiny onyx locks of hair. “Guess you also don’t remember promising my girlfriend the best sex of her life, right?”

At that, Vernon looked straight to Wonwoo, and Wonwoo returned the enlarged, incinerating stare straight back, reading the split-second terror that swam like flopping fish in Vernon’s eyes. The atmosphere hit the ground with a palpable and ugly shatter.

“Yeah, um—about that—”

Mingyu then balanced backward on his foot for a moment, beginning to chuckle, sway his head, as though to dismiss the entire accusation in the same intense breadth it was mentioned.

“Nah, nah. I’m playing around,” the boy chuckled, rubbing at his nose. “You didn’t know she was taken. No hard feelings, yeah?”

Vernon immediately nodded his agreement, and the tension nailed into his broad shoulder line seemed to melt. “For sure. No hard feelings. I mean, she’s beautiful. Can’t even imagine what it’s like bein’ her boyfriend when you’ve got sluts like me around.”

Mingyu grinned, “no, you’re good. I know she gave you some attitude about it. Bit of a troublemaker herself. But, yeah. Water under the bridge.” The boy’s attention then turned back to Wonwoo, who was more than eager to somehow extinguish the conversation from you as a topic. “I know she’s hangs out with you right now.”

“Oh, yeah,” Wonwoo hummed, “the book thing.”

“She doesn’t like talking to me about it.”

“Well, don’t stress,” he answered, catching the sunlight that blitzed through the curtains and dipped like a gold paintbrush into the boy’s eyes, turning them to warm molasses, “she’ll show you the whole damn thing when it’s over and done with.”

Mingyu huffed, “I thought she’d have dropped it by now.”

“I don’t think she will. She’s pretty committed.”

“Hm.” He nodded simply in response, kissing his teeth.

Vernon folded his arms, leaning back into the leather seat with the toothpick again sitting in his mouth. “You got any plans for the summer, then? Doesn’t your pal always throw a huge party?”

“Yeah, actually. Doing it this year if we can manage. Seungcheol’s parents pretty much spend their entire summer bouncing around all the Great Lakes. We’re gonna do a co-hosting type deal and—shit, since you’re here, this is really good timing.” Mingyu then looked down at Vernon and lowered his gravelly voice. “I know what your main gig is. What about blow? You sell it?”

A slow but gradual, catlike grin trudged the edges of Vernon’s mouth, to which he pulled out his toothpick and set his elbows onto the table. “Look, can’t chop it up here, man. Ask one of your friends for my burner. I can get you to the ski slope, but it costs, obviously.”

“Nah, that’s fine. It’s just—my last plug fell through.”

“Tough.”

“Yeah. Okay, well, I should get going. I’ll follow up with you later. Do you care if Seungcheol knows the number, too?”

“No,” Vernon shrugged, planting the toothpick into the corner of his mouth and flicking it with his tongue, “just don’t go throwin’ it around. I could only get enough for a couple people, anyway.”

“All good. Okay—later, guys.”

Mingyu stepped away from the table with a wave and a flash of his pearled, charming smile, nothing but the mild scent of his fresh and expensive-smelling cologne to swirl through the now vacant space. In true espionage fashion, Wonwoo and Vernon both picked open the slots between the restaurant curtains, cautiously observing the boy’s stride into the parking lot and onto the sidewalk, where he at last disappeared into the warm, sunny afternoon.

Heaving a gigantic exhausted breath, Wonwoo took off his glasses and set them in his lap, massaging deep into his eye sockets.

“Y’know, he’s not that fuckin’ bad,” Vernon commented, “I mean, he scares the shit outta me, but that could have gone worse.”

"Jesus Christ—I can’t believe what I just watched.”

His friend laughed, banging his fist excitedly enough on the table to engender the silverware clattering on their plates. “Ha! I know, right? Dude—Seungcheol and Mingyu are the kingpins of that fuckin’ university you go to. They can cough up the big bucks for that shit. Just imagine the distribution pay I'm gonna get with them on my roster—actually, that couldn’t have gone better.”

“And where are you gonna get it?” Wonwoo pressured, at last settling his glasses back on, clarifying Vernon’s smudged, blurry face.

“Well, let me fuck around and work my magic.”

“I don’t want him to use you.”

“Pfft. I don’t give no fucks about being used,” Vernon cackled, wearing a self-indulgent, luminous smile and continuing to play around with the toothpick while he readied his wallet to pay. “You know what you should worry about, Glasses? Sweet talkin’ the fuck outta that dude’s girl and securin' yourself an invite. You probably don’t even need to try sweet talkin’—she obviously likes you.”

“No,” Wonwoo grumbled, “no way.”

“You don’t want to go?”

“Why would I want to go, dumbass? The last time I went to a party, I ran into you. They’re loud and suffocating. I’ll pass.” Wonwoo also pulled out his wallet, taking his card. “Besides, I get the sense Mingyu doesn’t trust me a whole lot. I’m not gonna stir the pot.”

Vernon shook his head. “You stir the pot every time you hang out with his girl to go write romantic poetry and run around, gigglin’ at Spring Street. N’yeah, exactly. You met me. I don’t get the fuss.”

“It’s nothing like that," Wonwoo answered in frustration.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re a Patron Saint. I just want my Life Saver.”

—MAY 19TH.

Wonwoo was going to your apartment today for the first time, and it had nearly killed him in the process.

His abhorrent sleep schedule hung over his head every single instance he woke up at lunchtime, the entirety of his mornings wasted to weathered heartbreak and its lasting, stained consequences. Needing to be at your apartment for ten had Wonwoo buckling his face into anguished hands the night before, wondering how he was going to pull off such a triumph without wishing for death.  

He did know one thing for certain—the sound of his alarm erupting into its timely, strident beeping made him instantly sick. In fact, the first thing Wonwoo did was half-stumble in complete bleariness out from his bed, dragging a white sheet along by his ankle as he burst into the washroom and hung his head over the toilet like he was sweating through a wicked hangover. But it wasn’t alcohol. It was months of bad, soul-stitched habit festered up in stomach bile and perhaps, a hatred for himself. It was his own fault, in a way.

And yet, when you texted him a half-hour later to reconfirm your address, Wonwoo replied with not the slightest hint that he was feeling pretty fucking terrible. The headache and shudders followed him down the street, onto the bus, and into the lobby of your notably opulent apartment complex. He felt rather incongruous amongst all the marble—the white trim, the clean, untainted air, even the breakfast table with dispensable lemon water and small, fruit-topped pastries that somehow made Wonwoo want to kill himself.

He looked down at his phone.

[ Her | 9:10 am ]: 717 thorton street, unit 61

[ Her | 9:45 am ]: are you almost here? :)

Wonwoo pressed the button to the elevator.

[ Wonwoo | 9:50 am ]: Yes. In the building.

His phone vibrated immediately with a text.

[ Her | 9:50 am ]: I’m so excited

The doors pulled apart. Wonwoo stepped aside for a couple who were leaving the elevator before he entered. Quickly, he clicked the button to close the doors, not wanting to share the space with anyone but himself and the headache throbbing at the forefront of his cranium. He sighed, glancing at his texts again to reply.

[ Wonwoo | 9:51 am ]: Do you have any Tylenol?

[ Her | 9:51 am ]: most def

[ Her | 9:51 am ]: what’s wrong?

[ Wonwoo | 9:52 am ]: Nothing much. Just a headache.

When he didn’t receive an immediate answer, he assumed you had put the phone down to search your medicine cabinet. Getting off the elevator, Wonwoo proceeded to find the correct apartment. He put his fist up to the door, and then, at the last second, stopped.

There it was again—the same melting pot of anxiety and butterflies that had bubbled up when you first visited his place.

He supposed the feelings never truly disappeared each time he would see you, and he was beginning to detest it. Why couldn’t his body just adapt? Get over it? What purpose did it serve to constantly remind him of his unkempt emotions? It was like the idea of you terrified him more than you as an actual person, because in person, he felt comfort, as crazy as it sounded. So why couldn’t his anxiety and security just complete that stupid sliver of a synapse for once?

Knock knock.

After a moment, the handle clicked, and the door to sumptuous unit 61 was pulled open. For the first time, Wonwoo saw your face without any makeup, and it sort of made him stutter in his words—not that he was shocked in abhorrence at the contrast, more so the vulnerability behind it, the fact you felt comfortable enough to shed your compulsion with always presenting a perfect, glamoured face. He was pleased to see you were in a fuzzy pair of pink shorts and a white, thin long-sleeve that were basically pyjamas.

Maybe it was weird to think, but you seemed more human.

“You made good timing. I’m impressed.”

“Thanks,” Wonwoo answered while stepping inside, toeing off his sneakers next to your plethora of shoes at the doormat.

“I would obviously say tour first, but I have your Tylenol sitting on the counter over here, for your headache. Can you dry swallow or do you need water?”

“Dry swallow?” Wonwoo laughed, following you toward the kitchen area. “Who the fuck dry swallows any sort of pill?”

“I don’t know! Personally, I don’t. But there are some freaks out there who do. I was actually testing you. And you passed.”

“Lucky me,” he sighed.

Taking a seat at one of stools displayed around the large, granite-surface island, Wonwoo waited for you to pour him some water. Obviously, the apartment was spacious, gorgeous—the large, white-fluffed rug in the centre of the living room was definitely suited to you, though he was surprised by the tall, lush potted plants aligned by the window panelling. He didn’t know you had a green thumb.

While placing down the water, you shifted closely into the seat beside him, and Wonwoo could smell the scent of strawberries on your skin. You let your chin press into the hammock made with your hands, watching as he set the pill on his tongue and gulped it down.

“So, is it really bad?”

Wonwoo turned the glass back and forth atop its coaster, deciding on whether or not he should tell the truth. It always tended to sting him when he lied, and so he turned to you, shrugging.

“I felt it when I woke up. But it’s manageable.”

“Oh, I get that sometimes.”

“It’s because of my repulsive sleep schedule, no doubt.”

You smiled at him, adjusting your leg under the island.

“Is that why you prefer afternoons all the time?”

“Pretty much. It’s a horrible habit. I’ll break it somehow, I’m sure. Just a stupid hump to get over. Anyway—” Wonwoo slung the laptop bag off his shoulder and onto the counter, “—your place looks pretty sweet. How are you? What’s the plan for today?”

“Well,” you hummed, slapping an arm down onto the reflective granite, “I’ve wrote some more this week. I’d love for you to proofread it. Maybe we can go out for lunch later, but you’d need to give me time to get ready. I mean, I did shower this morning…”

He watched you pause, and then swallow. "You don’t care, do you?”

“About what?” Wonwoo answered.

“Oh, well—never mind, then.”

“No, what is it? What don’t I care about?”

You started to grin, hiding half your face with a hand that slowly scraped across your cheek, as though to rub off any remaining lethargy from the morning light. Wonwoo waited for you to answer.

“… I look like a mole.”

He at last realized what you meant.

“No, you don’t.”

“I was just feeling lazy. I know, gasp, what an insane word to come from my mouth. But I’m glad you don’t care. I didn’t think you would, but I still wasn’t sure. At least your reaction wasn’t obvious. My chin is breaking out so please don’t stare at it, if you can help it.”

“Oh, well, you know, you look—” that one banished word almost slipped, but Wonwoo smoothly mended the break, “you—you have nothing to worry about. I get breakouts, too. It sucks, but it’s life.”

Your bare, soft face turned cheerful in a fawning smile.

“I know. I guess I'm just not very used to the feeling of people seeing me like this. Did you want to do lunch later?”

Wonwoo leaned back in the small seat, running his hands up his knees, knowing damn well he hadn’t eaten breakfast.

“Uh, I should probably start with like, cereal or something.”

“You didn’t eat?”

“No appetite.”

“I’ll fix you something. Unfortunately, no cereal. But I'll get some the next time Mingyu and I do groceries. So, what do you like best? Toast? Oatmeal? Scrambled eggs and toast? Orange juice? Bagel?”

At the mere mention of orange juice, his fist clenched. Attempting not to dwell so obviously, Wonwoo straightened up and smiled.

“I like toast.”

“That’s good. It’ll be easy on your stomach.”

Wonwoo watched you squeeze off the stool and open the fridge to pull out a plastic bag of bread. He watched you stand on your tiptoes to reach into the highest cupboard and grab a plate. He watched you pop open a jar of fresh raspberry jam and slot the bread into the toaster. He could watch you do anything, it seemed.

Anything at all.

It took Wonwoo about half an hour to eat his raspberry toast and skim through the newest additions to your document. You were getting more into the thick of your relationship with Mingyu—just as you’d warned—but Wonwoo was able to gloss most cloying paragraphs without too much bitterness or personal weight clouding his possible critiques. Wonwoo was still seated at the island, meanwhile you were lying face down on the plump-cushioned couch, an arm dangling off the side. In a morbid way, you looked very much dead if not for the shallow rising and dipping of your back.

“Done, for the most part.”

Your head perked up, and he was relieved to see you hadn’t fallen asleep or suffocated. “When will you add your notes?”

“After lunch. Is that okay?”

“Mmhm.”

“So…” Wonwoo slid down in the chair, reaching out his arms with a gigantic yawn, “you actually snuck into his basketball game?”

“Yeah,” you sighed, letting your chin snuggle into the blanket strewn underneath you, “I was obsessed with him. I couldn’t help it.”

“I wouldn’t expect your first date to be at the nature museum. The way you wrote about the butterfly exhibit was nice, though.”

“It was fun. Mingyu wasn’t the biggest fan, but I had always wanted to go. There was this huge skeleton of a blue whale, and sometimes the museum would play the whale’s ballad—” you flopped onto your back, staring up at the ceiling with a tender, ardent laugh as your fingers twirled the fluffy knots of the throw, “—it used to scare Mingyu so bad. He kept telling me he was gonna leave our date unless we went to another exhibit.”

“The sound can be pretty jarring if you’ve never heard it before, to be fair,” Wonwoo reasoned, now massaging down his legs.

Shoving your body to sit upright on the couch, you poked out your tongue at him, grinning, “don’t defend his loserness.”

He huffed in response, “my bad.”

“Should we do a tour now? I really want to show you my room. And if I keep lying on the couch, I’ll fall asleep.”

“Uh, sure. Do you want me to wash my plate?”

“No, no, it’s fine. Just leave it in the sink.”

After Wonwoo cleaned off the granite island, he came to join you in the living room, the white rug resembling what he imagined a cloud to feel like underneath his socked feet.

A thought had suddenly popped into his head.

“There’s a nature museum here, too.”

You grabbed the blanket, wearing it like a shawl around your shoulders. Wonwoo had never seen you so sleepy before.

“I know.”

“Have you ever gone?”

“No. Not at all. I did ask Mingyu once when we first came here for university. But I think he was still mortified from the whale thing. I dunno. Anyway, is that your round-about way of asking if I ever want to go? Because I would, to help with the story.”

Wonwoo scratched along his collarbone, heated with the itch of being blatantly exposed for his plotting. However, he hadn’t suggested the museum with the intention of employing it as a visual to sharpen up your scene-work. He was hoping to go just for the sake of it—like a palate cleanser, as you had previously mentioned.

But he obviously wasn’t going to articulate that.

“We can plan it more later,” he said.

The tour started in the living room, which Wonwoo had become well acquainted with throughout his half hour of sitting at the kitchen island, occasionally flicking his eyes toward the couch to ensure you were still alive. You explained that the pristine white rug was a housewarming gift from Mingyu’s parents when you first moved into the apartment, and he felt guilty for even stepping on it.

He decided to ask about the plants by the windows.

“Oh, I don’t actually look after those,” you answered, touching at one of the heavy and balmy-looking green leaves from a plant nearly as tall as you, “Seokmin comes over to water them and stuff, gives them special nutrient food—even sprays their leaves with this misty bottle thing. I tried giving them all to him, but he says he’s got no space at his apartment—which is total bull by the way.”

“Maybe he just wants an excuse to see you.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes, “doesn’t everyone?”

Wonwoo bit back a stupid little smile as he followed you into your bedroom—the place you seemed most enthralled for him to finally see. You twirled into the open space and threw the blanket off your shoulders, then whipping your hands into the air akin to a magician who’d just performed the most grandiose magic trick.

“Tada! Bedroom reveal!”

He pushed up his glasses, taking a good, solid look around at everything he could: the prestigious makeup vanity with the drawers left half-open, your dresser, lined with photographs of what he assumed to be friends, family, and Mingyu, the beaded, dangling chandelier, the ajar closet doors that revealed your unsurprising magnitude of outfits—skirts and dresses and professional blazers and lascivious things from threads of lace and silk. He finally looked to your beautiful bed, which you proceeded to flop onto.

“This is my favourite part,” you hummed.

Taking some further steps into the bedroom, Wonwoo began recognizing smaller details, though he couldn’t explain what he was feeling. He always thought a bedroom was such a personal, intimate space, like a treasure chest stuffed with memories and pieces of person’s essence that couldn’t be captured using words alone. To sit on someone’s bed, or sift through their drawers for a pen, or even grab a shirt from their closet—he felt it was all so… sacred. It was the reason he had such a hard time having others in his bedroom.

“The bed is your favourite?” He wondered.

“Yes,” you giggled, a glimmer flashing into your eyes like diamonds in the sun as you climbed onto your knees.

Before Wonwoo knew what was happening, you had clutched a hand into his shirt and jerked him toward the covers. He landed beside you, and his heart thrust with electricity.

“You could have just asked me to sit,” he chuckled, wiping some wrinkles off his shirt and adjusting his glasses.

“Nope.”

“Bed’s comfy.”

“Duh,” you sunk backward, smirking at him, “it’s a bed.”

“Hey, you should have seen the bed I had growing up in Changwon. My older brother and I, we hated it. Shit was like sleeping on a piece of cardboard. It didn’t get better for years.”

Propping your head onto a pillow, you continued to smile prettily at him with those entrancing eyes, and for a second, this piercing fear struck in the core of Wonwoo’s chest that he had just spoke about himself—actually spoke about himself—in a manner that screamed of vulnerability. He felt terror. Why did he do that?

“Hm. I guess I’m just spoiled, with my memory foam and all.”

At least you didn’t push into the topic. You were getting better at that, almost like you could interpret the subtle tweaks in his face or the stiffening of his bones. Wonwoo rested his elbows on his knees.

“Your room’s nice. It smells like you.”

He heard you giggle, “what? Like strawberries?”

Wonwoo pursed his lip, looked down at his fingers. “Yeah…”

For a moment, his eyes lingered unfaithfully on your exposed midriff, down to the fluffy hem of those pink lounge shorts. He squeezed his wrist tight, practically stopping his own blood flow, willing himself not to think anything unhinged that would simmer up to fuel his self-hatred later. The longer your head spent sinking into that plump pillow, the more your lids fluttered with sleep. As he continued to gaze about the room, he spotted the pink stuffed bear that he’d won you at the Spring Street Fair, sitting atop your bedside table.

“You’ve still got that?”

“Hm?” You pushed up onto your elbows, yawning. “Oh, yeah! ‘Course I still have her. It’s a perfect little memento from that night.”

“Well, I did go through a lot of effort to win it.”

“Oh, I’m aware... wanna know what I named her?”

“What?”

“Miss Priss.”

Honestly, Wonwoo was surprised you hadn’t stuffed it into your closet or abandoned the toy in some innocuous corner of your apartment. Instead the bear’s vibrant pink face and slightly lopsided eyes were staring him down, making him rerun Vernon’s words in his head: ‘you stir the pot every time you hang out with his girl to go write romantic poetry and run around, gigglin’ at Spring Street.’

Wonwoo immediately shoved the memory aside, letting the implications sizzle up and burn on the hot coals of his brain.

“Hm. Funny.”

You rolled your eyes.

Wonwoo tapped his wrist, thinking.

“So, uh, I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but why don’t you live with Mingyu? I know he stays over some nights.”

Lifting yourself up with one arm, you shrugged, opting to stroke a hand along the blanket to smooth out some crinkles. “I don’t want to move in with anyone unless I’m engaged.”

“Actually?”

“Yeah. I mean, that's what I told my parents, at least. They used to really push for us to have an apartment together. Which makes sense. They freaking love him. I swear, more than me," you laughed, picking at your shirt. "I get it, too. Mingyu and I have pretty much been tied at the hip all these years. But we agreed that we wouldn't live together until things went to the next level. He does keep a lot of his stuff here for when he does stay over, and vice versa. He’s got an extra key and everything, his own nightstand, bathroom stuff.”

“And that’s for certain?”

You tilted your head. “What’s for certain?”

“The engagement thing. Or was it just to shake off your parents?”

“Well… I guess I mean it. Is that weird to you?”

“No,” Wonwoo said. “I personally haven't heard it plenty.”

“Yeah, most people are surprised to learn we don’t live together. I guess we really give off the impression that we're together in most things, if not everything. It's good to get a little space, though."

“Well, I understand it—wanting to have your own space. I mean, I think everyone should try living alone, just once if they have to. You learn more about yourself, I suppose.”

You cracked a smile at him. “What have you learned?”

Wonwoo chuckled, knowing all the things he could never say were tingling right on the tip of his tongue. “Well, I meant in a general sense. I wasn't exactly talking about myself.”

“Ha—you learned how to be a hermit.”

“I'm pretty sure I was always like that.”

“Yeah, but probably not that bad.”

“That bad?” He furrowed his dark brows at you, staring straight into your eyes that twinkled with challenge. “Meaning what?”

“Please, you would not leave that apartment if it wasn’t for your commitment to the book. Maybe for work, some groceries every now and then. Otherwise, your ass is not leaving.”

“Damn. Just call me a loser.”

“Fine,” you huffed, pushing up onto your knees, “loser.”

Wonwoo managed to hold the penetrating, spirited strength of your gaze, and he was proud of himself for doing so, even if his heart felt like it was going to leap into his throat. It was still difficult for him to be routinely engaged in eye contact, but he knew how much you appreciated it—the feeling of being listened to and experiencing someone’s dedication to presenting their full attention.

Since it was getting close to lunch time, Wonwoo figured you might want to start thinking of where to eat. He was getting notably hungry, and having to function off some toast coated thinly in raspberry jam wouldn’t be enough to power him throughout his proofreading. He pulled out his phone, wanting to check the time, and began sliding off your comfortable, warm bed.

“Did you want to—”

“Hey, wait, wait, wait—” Wonwoo felt your hand curl around his bicep in a firm grip and begin to pull him back down, “—before we get up and everything, I want to talk to you about something.”

Oh no.

His stomach writhed.

Wonwoo started praying it wasn’t about his and Vernon’s encounter with Mingyu at Solar Pop—not that anything particularly terrible or concerning had happened—but maybe Mingyu had mentioned something to you. Maybe he didn’t like Wonwoo and thought it was best you stop writing together, stop seeing each other.

His mind started quivering with a steadfast hurricane of awful thought and Wonwoo knew the flushed colour had most likely drained from his face as quickly as a popped balloon.

Your hand remained on his bicep, squeezing it.

“Why do you look so worried, already?” You chuckled in a quiet voice, rubbing his arm until Wonwoo visibly relaxed. “I haven’t even said anything yet. Unless, you think I should be worried, too.”

“No.” Wonwoo shook his head. “Just—never mind.”

“Hm, well, that’s kind of what I want to talk about.”

As your hand drifted off his arm, Wonwoo sat crossed-legged, narrowing his eyes at you in question. “What do you mean?”

The conversation began with a clunk of silence, to which you glanced down at the bed for a moment, clearly biting on your inner cheek in contemplation. Wonwoo desperately wanted you to spit it out. He hated when empty words hung so burdensomely in the air.

“Well… there’s no easy way to bring it up. And I’m not sure you’ll even want to talk about it with me, but I keep noticing it, again and again. I think it’s at least worth it to put it on the table. And, if it’s not my business, you can freely tell me to screw off.”

“Oh… okay.”

And then you were looking at him, not with any sort of accusation or anger or even disappointment. Somehow, Wonwoo knew what you were going to say, and he braced himself for it.

“Do you… do you have anxiety?”

Wonwoo said nothing. He wasn’t sure if it was an issue of not wanting to speak or being unable to.

You breathed out heavily in response.

“Okay, silence, I definitely saw that coming—but, um, I’m not stupid, you know? Your face just gets so pale, and I feel like I can see the heartbeat in your chest… and you always do that thing with your fist. Clenching it. It always looks so painful but you never seem to care and—anyway—I just… I can tell when it happens and it kind of bothers me that you try to like, shrug it off or call it ‘spacing out’ when it’s really clearly not. And, maybe that’s my fault.”

His gaze had shifted to lock with yours.

Again, you weren’t staring at him with any malice or dejection—he’d come to learn that your eyes were actually quite soft most of the time, soft but always glittering, like a handful of silk. Still, Wonwoo couldn’t yet find his words, which must have come across as remarkably shocking for someone who spent their whole life grabbing all the shiny bits of possible vernacular.

You sat up straighter, touching his knee.

“Is it my fault you don’t want to talk about it? Can I at least know that much?” There was an imploring desperation in your face.

Wonwoo at last cleared his throat.

“I don’t talk about it with anyone.”

“Okay, I get that. But, did I make you feel like you couldn’t bring it up? At all?” Your fingers dug a little harder into his knee, though Wonwoo knew you probably hadn’t realized it. “I just—I do want to know, actually. Because sometimes I let myself get in the way of being present for other people. But I care. I honestly do.”

He nodded, cracking his knuckles.

“I mean… I definitely wouldn’t have thought to bring it up with you. I guess I felt like, if I did, what would it accomplish? You might think I’m incapable or… I don’t know.” He shoved his hands underneath his glasses, rubbing at the indents on his nose. “As you can see, I’m not the best at talking about it. I don’t talk about it.”

You folded your legs in similar fashion to Wonwoo.

“Well… um… do you�� is there anyone that could, like… I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess, are you coping alright, is what I’m asking. I really don’t mean to overstep. I swear.”

At that, he chuckled quite loudly. Your face twitched in surprise at his reaction, and the hand slipped off his knee.

“It really doesn’t matter. I just deal with it.”

No. He took nothing. He did nothing. Wonwoo just sat and suffered and felt no initiative to help himself. At that point, he really didn’t want to dissect the topic any further. He could sense the slithering under his skin, the way his body physically bristled like a perturbed cat at the thought of having to be any more open than what he'd already shared. The choices he made in his life weren’t important if he was going to end up back in the same slippery trench.

“Oh. Well, I hope you take care of yourself,” you said with a smile, giving his bicep another gentle squeeze. “That’s all.”

—JUNE 2ND.

About two weeks had passed since Wonwoo visited your apartment. Afterward, you had met up four times to continue writing and making small ventures to places that you deemed vital for developing your story. Wonwoo found himself enjoying most trips.

He remembered the ice cream shop. Apparently, it was the date where Mingyu had officially asked you to be his girlfriend. You had gotten their most popular strawberry cheesecake flavour while Wonwoo ordered mint chocolate chip, which was a rather boring but favourite classic of his. No doubt, you sat across from him on their outside patio the entire time, pitting remarks about how awful his choice was in lieu of writing anything down in your document. With every spoonful he ate, Wonwoo had to keep reminding you to stay focused, and eventually, his repetitious ordering worked.

"Did you actually come here to get any writing done or did you just want the ice cream? We're not palate-cleansing are we?"

"Why can't two things be true at once?"

“Can I see your laptop?”

“No—hey! Don’t try to grab it!”

“Why? Because you’ve written fuck all?”

"For your information, I have a bullet-point list going."

"Oh, yeah. A bullet-point list, hm?"

"Yes. It has all my major writing points. Point number one: Mingyu seats me down at the table. He's clearly nervous. We've only been in the shop for a minute or two and he won't stop brushing his hair behind his ears. Point number two: Mingyu grabs our ice cream from the counter. He gives me his flavour, rocky road, by accident, and then we awkwardly laugh and switch. Point number three: I remember thinking his nerves were endearing, and—"

"Okay, okay. I get it."

"Exactly. Let this be a lesson in poor assumption. Don't try to assume anything about me, Wonwoo. It's probably wrong."

And then there had been the journey to Mooney’s Bay, one of the most well-known beaches outside the city—probably because the lake actually looked a clean, salty blue and the soft sand wasn’t littered with drifting pieces of plastic. It had been the first place Wonwoo took his brother when he came to visit from his office in Korea, and the picture they had taken together with their pant legs cuffed up, standing knee deep in the water, was still pinned to the corkboard in Wonwoo’s bedroom. However, Wonwoo hadn’t been back to the beach since, until you dragged him there in an hour-long car ride. He had mostly looked out the window, thinking, as always.

You said that Mooney’s Bay reminded you of a cove from your hometown, a more clandestine one, where you and Mingyu used to splash around in the isolated, iridescent waters at night, laughing into the chilled breeze and coughing up all the liquid splatted into the other’s face. Wonwoo had used the video camera to record some footage of the beach per your request. By evening, most people had packed up their coolers and umbrellas and sun towels, granting him more freedom to film wider, panned shots. He remembered standing at the foam shoreline, feeling the sand squelch wetly under his bare feet, recording you wading further and deeper into the water that reflected like a bleeding, scarlet portrait of stained glass.

“It feels amazing! You should come in!”

“I can’t. It’ll ruin the camcorder.”

“So put it down! In the bag! There’s enough footage.”

“But the sun is setting behind you. It makes for a good shot.”

"So just hurry up! The water is the perfect temperature."

"But—"

“I’m not asking you. I’m telling you.”

"Well, I don't know... I, uh—I can't swim."

"This isn't swimming, this is wading. Just go up to your knees. It's been a hot, long day. I think this will help get the scowl off your face."

“… Fine. At least give me a second to fix my pants.”

The third location, while not his favourite, had been an open bar that was conveniently placed a few streets over from his job at the pharmacy. Wonwoo had went there a number of times with Vernon in the past, usually after he finished a midterm or handed in some grating assignment, though Vernon tended to drink more than his body could sufficiently handle. By the end of the night, Wonwoo would most often find himself being a mediator between his tattooed, foul-mouthed friend and whatever blundering, equally drunk idiot he happened to be arguing with.

It was too much for his anxiety.

Nonetheless, he’d met you there after work despite the churning cauldron of memories that he harboured, unsurprised to find you seated at a small table swarmed with dewy drinks and shots that interested observers had sent over. Wonwoo felt each digging, plying stare that sculpted against his back as he sat beside you—he even choked down one of your retched tequila shots (while not the best idea), hoping it would mellow him out.

You never really explained why the bar was pertinent to your history with Mingyu—or, maybe you had, and Wonwoo was simply one flaming shot past coherent of properly digesting your words. He did, however, remember your entire, almost scientific explanation of why you liked wearing low-cut or heavily revealing tops at the bar, and Wonwoo had listened along as best he could manage, even when that floating sensation started hazing through his mind. At one point, this girl who Wonwoo had never encountered once in his life came up to him with a polite tap on his shoulder and an inquiring smile.

“Hey—sorry to intrude—and this may be a super dumb question, but you are guys together?”

“No, no. Not at all. I’ve got a boyfriend. He’s single.”

“Oh, perfect. I was just—I was sitting over there, in the corner with my friends, if you can see. Anyways—I said something dumb about how you were really good looking, and now I’ve been dared to come up and ask for your number. So, um, yeah…”

“No, I’m good. Thank you.”

“O-Oh. Wait… are you… being serious?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Sorry. This is really fucking embarrassing… uh, I guess I won’t linger then. Bye.”

“… Jeez… had a bit much to drink or something?”

“No—just don’t like giving out my number to strangers.”

“She was cute, though. Probably a fun one-night stand.”

“Then you have sex with her, yeah?”

“Ha! You’re so funny. When’s the last time you even had sex? I mean, you obviously pull. At least, I think you do…”

“I don’t remember. Months and months ago, I guess.”

“Wow! Zero play. I kind of respect it. I could never, though. So… actually, let me guess: you’re the type of person that can’t have sex without attachment? You need to be in love?”

“What’s it to you?”

“I’m just asking.”

“I don’t know.”

“God. You’re so fucking boring, Wonwoo.”

“Because I don’t go out of my way to find some pretty girl to have sex with every week, I’m boring? How does that make sense?”

“No, not that. I mean the fact you never really want to discuss anything about yourself. Honestly, sometimes talking to you is like pulling teeth, y’know? Anyway, move back a little. Backwards cap with the earrings has been staring on and off for the last ten minutes and I want one more free shot before I call it a night.”

The most recent place you had been together was the popular drive-in at Richmond’s Farm. Wonwoo knew that in the autumn months leading up to Halloween, the venue was turned into a haunted carnival with all the typical attractions: pumpkin patches, horror movie screenings, corn mazes, and masked, fake blood-spattered psychopaths chasing people around with a roaring chainsaw.

Seokmin, despite being quite weak-stomached and completely disastrous when it came to anything horror-related, had actually implored Wonwoo to go the year before after hearing the raves about their newest House of Nightmares, although Wonwoo declined in order to study for a test.

Really, there was no test.

Wonwoo just hadn’t been in the mood for losing all his hair and being crammed into pitch black, narrow corridors with a murderer promptly waiting around the corner. He hoped Seokmin wouldn’t ask him again this year—then his excuse would be obvious.

In the spring and summer, however, the farm mostly broadcast screenings at their drive-in theatre behind the maize field, and you had leaped at the opportunity to go because it was the perfect chance to relive one of your favourite dates with Mingyu. By your explanation, he’d taken you to see Crazy, Stupid, Love before you two had departed your hometown for university. But the drive-in obviously wasn’t playing that movie, and so you two had to settle for watching their only available screening, 500 Days of Summer.

Wonwoo hated that movie.

Of course, he hadn’t told you that.

Before the movie had started, Wonwoo helped you throw down a blanket into your trunk alongside some couch pillows that you grabbed from your apartment, creating a makeshift lounge in the rear of the car. Since the screening was late at night—and way past your typical good girl bedtime—you were worried about falling asleep halfway into the movie, though Wonwoo promised he would keep an eye on you to ensure you wouldn’t miss anything important.

Since it was too dark to film anything of quality on the camcorder, Wonwoo left you alone in the blanket-pillow trunk to scribble down any nostalgic, limerent sentiments while he grabbed some snacks. You had told him to get gummy bears, because you hated the way broken pieces of popcorn kernel shells would sliver between your teeth and dig into your gums, neither did you want a soft drink since it would be an abundance of sugar before bed, and it always resulted in a breakout the next morning. He was able to make it back to the car just before the screening started.

He remembered how strange it all seemed, sitting so close to you underneath the blanket, occasionally feeling your elbow dig into his arm or your knee bump his thigh, and the sharp blip it would cause in his pulse. Wonwoo remembered how often you complained about the temperature throughout the movie—first, it’s too hot, now, it’s too cold, you’re too close to me, you’re too far away and I’m cold again, I need the blanket, I don’t want the blanket—Wonwoo hadn’t realized a person’s body temperature could fluctuate that drastically. 

However, the worst part of that night happened about half an hour before the movie ended, just when Wonwoo was beginning to feel relieved about going home. You were getting sleepier by the minute, and Wonwoo could tell from the yawning every now and then, wanting desperately to rub at your eyes but refusing because it would smother the mascara into somewhat concerning, black whorls.

You had nudged his arm, and when he glanced over at your face, exhausted and half-illuminated under the watery, bright cast of light from the screen, you asked him in a quiet, dulcet voice: “is it okay if I rest my head on your shoulder for a few minutes?”

Wonwoo had wanted to say no—of course you can’t, because if you do, I will sit here stiff, and hardly breathing, and listening only to my own heartbeat. It will be the sole thing I’ll think about for the next three days no matter what I do to mask the memory. I’ll keep thinking about it until you burn out in my mind like a star.

But then Wonwoo had agreed instead.

He proceeded to clench his fist upon feeling the weight of your head sink softly to his shoulder. Your legs had been curled up underneath you, and your knees were then pressing flush against his leg. Every breath he inhaled was faintly tainted with the scent of your sweet, fragrant shampoo and it was fucking killing him.

“You’re so tense,” you had whispered in a giggle, “if it makes you uncomfortable, I don’t have to. It’s just because I’m tired.”

“No—” it had come out somewhat like a blurt, and Wonwoo just knew the tips of his ears were tingling red, “—it’s okay. I promise.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure… what?”

“Just wanted to look in your eyes when you said it.”

“Fuck, not that again.”

“I have to know!”

“Okay, that’s fine. Movie’s almost over, anyway. Just don’t fall asleep because then I really won’t know what to do.”

That had been four days ago.

Now, it was almost midnight. Wonwoo was sitting on the roof of his apartment with a messily rolled up blunt in his fingers—the second one he prepared, mostly out of impatience—drawing in a slow and deep breath that ghosted from his lips like wispy fog flowing down a shallow hill. He then coughed twice by his elbow, attempting to clear the stinging prickle that caught against his throat.

“You’re so fucking full of it,” Wonwoo laughed.

“No! I’m not.”

“You did not write thirty pages in a day.”

“Uh—actually, I did! And the fact you don’t believe me is a testament to your own wilted motivation. I am very motivated.”

He smiled at the sound of your voice crackling through his phone, which he’d been holding with the latter hand. Breathing in another hit, Wonwoo pulled at the sides of his black beanie, grinning through the thin cloud that was exhaled in a quick, neat puff.

“Okay, you wrote thirty pages. Didn’t have to fucking drag my career through the mud in doing so. I mean, I guess it’s a hobby.”

“For all I know, you’re the biggest poser that ever posed.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I still don’t know what you write about.”

“I told you.”

“No—you fucking didn’t. You said something vague and ambiguous that could have meant literally anything. All I had to go off were some sing-songy praises from Seokmin.”

“I give you pretty good notes, though.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“So I must be decent.”

“I don’t even know why I bothered calling you. I was supposed to be in bed, like, an hour ago. You’re such a distraction.”

“Fuck,” Wonwoo laughed, tapping the warm blunt to knock off a clump of papery ash, “it’s been an hour already?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I don’t know why you called either.”

“To complain about that lady whose makeup I had to do today! She was horrible. God, were you not listening?!”

“No, no, I was. She told you the makeup she wanted, you said it wouldn’t suit her too well, and then she got all pissed off when it looked exactly how you said it would. That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh. Well… I just thought you should know about it.”

“Mmhm.”

Silence followed his velvet, almost teasing hum, but Wonwoo didn’t mind it, and he assumed you didn’t either. Your phone call had been completely out of the blue, only a few minutes after he’d climbed onto the roof and started sparking his lighter. An hour had already passed—Wonwoo couldn’t believe it. Time had never seemed so blurred and insignificant before, like tomorrow didn’t exist at all.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

Wonwoo repositioned the phone in his hand.

“From time to time, yeah.”

“What strain?”

“Northern Lights.”

“I’ve never had that one. I mean, I’m not much of a stoner, and neither is Mingyu. I don’t like the way it feels in my throat—that dry, burning feeling. And I hate the cotton mouth afterward.”

“Shouldn’t be that bad if you’re inhaling it right.”

“Well, maybe you can teach me one day.”

He let the blunt hang from the corner of his mouth for a moment, a very fluttery-feeling smile taking shape. Not wanting you to hear that slight bit of giddiness in his tone, Wonwoo took another hit, holding the smoke in for longer than usual before exhaling.

“Do you, uh… do you still want to go to that museum?”

“Oh—the nature museum?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll have to do some poking around in my schedule. I have this stupid leadership council meeting for SSA that I have to go to.”

“That’s fine. Text me when you figure it out.”

“Okay… gosh, it’s really fucking late.”

“Yeah, you should get some sleep.”

“Are you pushing me off the phone? If anything, I should be the one pushing. You’re not doing anything to fix your terrible sleep schedule. And I certainly don’t want you to ruin mine.”

“That’s what I’m saying—you need to get some sleep.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have said it like that.”

“How did I say it?”

“Like you were pushing me off the phone!”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. How ‘bout this: I know how important structure is to you, and I am deeply concerned that this late night conversation we’re having may somewhat affect your sleep. And while I’ve thoroughly enjoyed talking to you and hearing your pretty voice through my shitty phone speaker, I think we should both go to bed.”

“That seems fair.”

“Great. So, goodnight then.”

“No! I want to be the first one to say goodnight.”

“Why?”

“Because, I say goodnight, then you say goodnight back, and then I get to be the one who hangs up first. It’s a courtesy thing.”

“Uh, okay then... I’m listening.”

“Goodnight!”

Wonwoo smiled. He smiled so fucking widely and brightly that he could feel the muscles in his face aching.

“Goodnight.”

—JUNE 7TH.

Since the quickest route to the nature museum was about half an hour from Wonwoo’s apartment, he suggested that you stop by around lunch time so that you two could make the walk together. It wasn’t too warm outside—the large smattering of clouds dotted in the sky and the typical city breeze helped to keep the temperature down.

“We’re not allowed to film in the museum,” you said from your seat at his small dinner table, “so don’t bother taking the camcorder, I guess. I’ll just try to soak up everything as best I can.”

Wonwoo was sat across from you, waiting for you to finish the heated-up carton box of creamy mushroom pasta that you’d raided out his freezer. He’d tried his best to eat beforehand as well, but the most he could stomach was some milk and cereal in addition a handful of blueberries. It was still better than his usual routine, which involved skipping any sort of meal post lunchtime.

“If you really needed to, I’m sure you could take a couple pictures,” Wonwoo answered, brushing a hand through his styled, pristine black hair that you had earlier littered with a flustering spiel of compliments. “I doubt the exhibits will be exactly the same, but if it's more so to capture the feeling, then it won’t matter much.”

You patted the corner of your mouth upon finishing the last few noodles left in the box, nodding your head in agreement.

“My journal’s in my bag. It should be fine.”

Wonwoo flipped over his phone to check the time.

“How was the SSA meeting yesterday?”

“Oh—I didn’t go.”

“Really?” Wonwoo asked while settling back in his chair, watching you toss the fork into the carton. “How come?”

“Because, it’s mostly pointless. We always sit there, in front of all those old, crusty men, trying to explain to them how we can improve the campus, the student experience, blah blah. And they act like they’re legitimately consuming our input, using phrases like: ‘oh, we hear you, we understand, we’re gonna try our hardest’—just for them to put, what? Another fucking seating area in the dining hall that no one asked for or cares about? It’s totally ridiculous.”

“Hm, yeah.”

“Anyways, I hate being on it. I hate going. I understand it looks good and whatnot, but it’s a huge waste of my time.”

Wonwoo picked up the pasta box, continuing to hum his agreement while taking it into the kitchen. He dropped the fork into the sink and folded up the cardboard to stuff into his recycling.

“It’s one meeting. A skip won’t kill you, or them.”

“That’s what I’m saying. Mingyu thinks I went, though. So, if you run into him or something and the topic fucking miraculously pops up—just don’t give anything away. It’s a little white lie.”

Coming back to the dining table, Wonwoo snatched up his wallet and shoved it into his back pocket, raising an eyebrow.

“Why wouldn’t you tell him?”

You pushed back in the chair, sighing heavily.

“He really thinks I should stick with it.”

Wonwoo didn’t say anything in response. He simply nodded, not wanting to hover on Mingyu as a conversation piece for too long, and waited for you to shoulder on your purse.

“Okay,” you then smiled, “let’s go look at some nature.”

Despite their boring, lacklustre reputation, Wonwoo had always enjoyed going to museums—art, history, science—he’d even been to a museum that delved into ancient coin minting and the development of currency. He supposed it was his appreciation for learning new information of his own free will, unlike the fast-paced, passion-draining, wringer system that was university. Furthermore, he was surprised that you would share his interest in the matter.

“Why wouldn’t I like museums?” You had stopped just before the acclaimed beetle species wall, aglow behind a glass sheet. “I wrote in my draft that Mingyu and I went to a nature museum, remember?”

“I know. I’m just surprised you have that much of an interest in them. Your life seems so upbeat. I didn’t think you would be into something that most people find fairly dry and anticlimactic.”

“Right.” Twirling back around, you continued walking down the corridor, your eyes tracing the organized arrangement of lustre-shelled beetles. “Because everyone else is too stupid and you’re the true upper echelon who actually possesses the mental capability required to appreciate something as seemingly trivial but totally enriching as…” you then paused at the glass, squinting to read the embossed label below an oblong-shaped beetle with an iridescent green shell, “… as the Chrysochroa Fulgidissima? I don’t know, something like that—also known as the Jewel Beetle. Its species is native to Japan and Korea. It’s a… woodboring beetle?”

“Why would I know?” Wonwoo laughed, coming to stand beside you and look at the plaque settled to the white background behind the display glass. “You’re the one reading it.”

“Ugh—doesn’t matter. I was going somewhere with my speech and now I forget… oh, yeah! So, you think you’re smarter than me?”

Placing a gentle hand on your lower back, Wonwoo urged you to keep walking forward in order to let the people faintly mumbling behind you examine the wall, who seemed much more interested.

“I never said that,” he answered softly.

“Okay—but, do you think you’re smarter?”

“In what sense?”

“Did you take the Frontiers evaluation for calculus?”

“Yes.”

“What’d you score?”

“9.8.”

“Shut the fuck up! No you didn’t.”

Wonwoo merely tapped the black-framed glasses further up his nose, smirking slightly, and began shaking his head while continuing down the exhibit. You hurried after him, remembering to lower your voice to match the collective quietness.

“Prove it,” you whispered.

“Go to prof Bradbrook’s office. My name’s on her wall.”

“I hate you.”

“Why? What did you score?”

“I’m obviously not going to say it now.”

Wonwoo still remembered the day his test score came back—he’d opened the envelope in Miss Bradbrook’s office, and while she sat across from him, practically squirming and jittering with anticipation, Wonwoo had glossed over the paper slip with the smallest, most low effort smile. He knew he was supposed to feel relieved in that moment—overjoyed probably—to realize his notable success and the upstanding conformation he was legitimately good at something. But in truth, he hadn’t really felt anything at all. He sort of just smiled. That was it. That was all he could muster.

And his life had mirrored that moment ever since. In the past, it would come and go. Yet, that day, it just stuck. The only time he ever experienced any glint or sparkle of happiness, it had come from his girlfriend—but even she couldn’t imbue much from him that day.

“Well, that’s not what I expected you to ask.”

You glanced over at him, adjusting the bag on your arm.

“Meaning?”

“There are different types of intelligence. I thought you meant, in a more general sense, am I smarter, or more knowledgeable. To be honest, I can’t say. I mean, I feel like I’ve experienced and seen a whole lot, but that’s just life’s illusion.”

“You won’t really know ‘til you’re on your death bed.”

Wonwoo returned your glance, squinching his brown eyes in a judgemental but innocuous way that gave bloom to his smile.

“Thanks.”

“I can’t help it. Museums make me think of death. I think it’s the really cold, still air. Especially in nature museums where they need to preserve things. Like, look at that fox. It’s a bit ominous.”

On the exhibit to his right, Wonwoo observed another display protected by glass. There was a fox, with a rusty, auburn coloured coat, poised atop a fake precipice of grass. Wonwoo knew what you meant—it was the eyes, like two leaf green beads, so immensely detailed but lifeless to an almost uncomfortable degree.

“I want to see the aquarium exhibit next,” you said, tugging twice at Wonwoo’s sleeve. “I heard it’s really dark in there.”

“Well, we can go take a look.”

“And we can eat afterward? There’s an atrium.”

“Sure.”

Wonwoo let your arm link with his, following the natural flow of museum-goers into the next exhibit, leaving behind the shiny, colourful wall of beetles and the auburn fox in its lonesome enclosure.

The aquarium exhibit was one of the most spacious in the entire museum, placed in a large, dome-topped room, with shadows creeping at every corner. There were some lights—deep, blue lights that rippled and wriggled across the floor, like waves patterned against ocean sand by the sun rays. He didn't know from where, but he could hear water sloshing, a very soft sound that led him to imagine the wet sand squelching under his toes.

You approached another display wall, filled with a school of lemon-yellow and azure coloured fish placed around vibrant, unique corals.

While you busied yourself with reading the informative plaque, Wonwoo spent his time taking a more in-depth inspection around the mystifying exhibit. He noted the stingrays and luminous jellyfish flocking above his head, held on near-invisible little wires that would occasionally glimmer if they twisted the perfect angle.

After a generously long venture throughout the room, reading all the plaques and pointing to different fish behind the glass just to comment, “I think that was in Finding Nemo,” you had wanted to sit down, spotting a bench positioned before an aquarium.

Wonwoo agreed, and you collapsed on the bench together.

There was a period of comfortable silence where you both watched the aquarium, meanwhile the dappling, blue pattern cast to the floor danced and flickered around at your still feet. The atmosphere seemed so vivid that Wonwoo was surprised the next breath he took wasn’t a mouthful of liquid and sea salt, or that his body wasn’t miraculously suspended and floating about in the echoey shadows.

And that’s when Wonwoo decided he liked the aquatic exhibit very much—more than all the others.

He looked down at the hands folded in his lap, specifically at the scarred, ruined cuticle belonging to his right thumb and how it had withstood years of his anxious scratching. Wonwoo then breathed out softly, feeling his heartbeat begin to pick up.

“Want to know something?” He asked.

You stared back at Wonwoo with an intrigued pique of your brow.

“Like what?”

“Well, first of all, we both took creative writing, you know.”

"Uh, okay," you sniffed, "sure."

"No, like, we took the course together. In the fall. Prof T?"

"Really?" You pinned him down in a non-believing stare. "Wait, you're talking about that basement auditorium, right? In Gildan Hall? It always smelt like old computers and dust bunnies?"

"That's the one."

Scoffing out some dry air, you leaned back.

"Woah. I don't think I ever saw you... did you go to each class?"

He nodded a few times. "Almost all. To be fair, I sat more in the back, off to the corner. I wasn't exactly thrusting myself into the limelight."

Folding one leg over your knee, you chuckled. "Sounds like you."

“I have this really specific memory from that class, when that random guy, whoever he was, sat in the seat you always took. Your so called unofficially-assigned-assigned-seat. And I remember that really tense feeling right before you walked in, because we all knew you were gonna chew him out for it. The way you marched straight up to him was already violating enough, and then you basically ruined his whole day.” Looking down at his hands again, Wonwoo smiled at recalling the memory. “You absolutely terrified me. I don’t even think you understand how much I wanted to avoid you.”

He caught your eyes, shimmering like the water-stained floor, with an emotion he couldn’t place.

“Actually?” Was all you said, hardly sounding surprised.

“Yeah.”

Your face began searching around the shadowed, sloshing exhibit for something unseen. He decided to let the silence settle like a thin sheet, instead listening to the tidal pushing and pulling. The soft sounds reminded him of being a child, wandering beaches into the late evening with his older brother during summer vacations, and picking up shells just to hear the ocean speaking inside them.

Aloud, you breathed in, shaking your foot.

“I can’t really remember what was going through my head that day. I know I’d had a fight with Mingyu before going to class, so I was feeling pretty amped up and short-fused. I knew I was going straight to another SSA meeting that I hardly cared about immediately after, and then I would work until the evening. I knew I would have to make dinner when I got home, even though I’d be downright exhausted, and the next morning, I’d have to wake up early to attend some bullshit press, social, interview breakfast thing for my mom’s new lifestyle magazine. Having that idiot sit in my favourite seat was probably just the straw that broke the camel’s back, I guess.”

“Hm,” Wonwoo hummed, suddenly experiencing a profound sympathy for you that he never imagined he would feel. “When you give it a bit more perspective, it doesn’t sound so…”

“Completely and utterly bitchy?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to use that word, but, sure.”

You grinned at him through the dusky rippling of auroras that flitted across the exhibit, seeming like you were under the sea—and he was, too, sitting side by side in the somehow peaceful depths of the chaotic whirlpool that had pulled you two together.

“I have a memory.”

“Okay,” Wonwoo returned your grin, “I want to hear it.”

“So, remember earlier how we were talking about the Frontiers evaluation for Bradbrook’s calculus class?”

“Mmhm.”

"So, after all the Frontiers scores came out, I'm not gonna lie—I really thought I had one of the better marks. It's not like I specifically trotted around, throwing out my grade to anyone passing by, but I was parading a little bit to my friends. And then, like, Clara or something, told me that there was this guy who almost got a ten. I asked her who, and she said she didn't know—just that she overheard some of the basketball guys talking about it.

I thought she was lying. I didn't say that, though. But I remember it was on my mind every night. Like, it was itching me so bad. I wanted to know who the fuck was smart enough to get a damn near perfect ten on Frontiers. Some of those problems are ridiculously hard. I started writing nonsense around A-block. They straight up give students problems that serious, esteemed mathematicians can't fucking solve. So, honestly... I was quite jealous of you... despite not even knowing who you were. I can't believe that was you, asshole."

Wonwoo cracked his knuckles, beginning to laugh at that intense but lighthearted glare you were sending his way. Of course, you mellowed everything out with a big smile he felt his heart skip a beat over. You had actually went to bed thinking about him.

Holy fuck.

Maybe not him in physicality. But in spirit.

That was close enough.

"I just did the study guide." He shrugged.

Your knee pushed into his. "Oh, yeah, the study guide. Jeez, why didn't I think of doing that? Let me go kill myself right now."

"Keep tabs on it for next time."

With a roll of the eyes, you laughed almost to scorn him.

“I hate people like you.”

And Wonwoo laughed back. “Meaning?”

“Things come to you so naturally. You don’t have to try.”

“Sure,” Wonwoo agreed, scratching his nose and proceeding to nudge up his glasses, “things like mathematics, numbers, problem solving, taking something whole apart and then looking at its pieces. I guess it does come to me naturally. I can’t complain. But there are also plenty of things that don’t. And… if I could, I’d probably trade all my stupid math and logic and puzzling for what I’m missing.”

You tilted your head, staring intently at Wonwoo through the blue sea between you, almost into his brain, it felt like.

“What are you missing?”

At first, Wonwoo didn’t respond. To answer your question meant an intimate exhumation of the flaws that he’d been willfully ignoring for the past year, if not his entire damn life. It meant at last turning over the round, flat rock that had been sitting at the foot of his wooden porch since childhood, and realizing the bottom was sculpted with the grittiest texture and wet with the thickest dirt. The rock was hiding long-legged spiders and ugly, skittering bugs and it would have probably been better to let the rock sit there, untouched, only facing the warm and comfortable glow of the sun.

Wonwoo didn’t want to turn the rock.

Not at all.

“A plethora of things, I’m sure.”

Squeezing onto your wrist, you smiled at him.

“I think I’m the opposite.”

“How so?”

He watched you inhale a long, slow breath, and then huff it all out through your nose. Wonwoo bumped his knee against yours.

“You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

“No, no. It’s not like that…”

Looking up to the glowing aquarium, the dull light reflected back unto your face, and Wonwoo again saw the glisten in your eyes.

“I just feel…” for a moment, your chest stilled, “… I feel like I’m so much of everything that I just blend into nothing. You know, like when a child takes a whole bunch of paints and squirts them all together thinking it’s going to create this beautiful, never-before-seen new colour? But, instead, it’s just greyish-brownish, nothing.”

Your face turned back to him. Wonwoo watched you chew down on your bottom lip, meanwhile your eyes glazed aloof, off to the side, as though you were rummaging through so many different thoughts and experiences that it required your utmost mental focus.

“And—” you swallowed tightly, and it sounded so painfully dry with stinging emotion, “—I just don’t want people to see that I’m so much of nothing. I just find myself covering it all up.”

Were you going to cry? Wonwoo felt himself jolt inwardly with panic. He had never seen you cry and he had therefore never developed the best protocol to tackle such a situation. Some people preferred immediate comfort, others—a reassuring stroke on the back, maybe some uplifting monologue. Or, maybe, they didn’t want to be touched at all. They just desired the simple, thinking silence and all its clarity. He remembered you saying something about it—that you did like to be comforted, but only in very certain circumstances.

First, Wonwoo subtly wiped off his hand against his thigh, and then he took in the softest breath. Through the flickering, midnight blue mirage, Wonwoo reached for your hand. He settled his cold fingers inch by inch under yours, and, with a timid but gentle thumb, Wonwoo caressed in a slow path along your knuckles.

You glanced to him appreciatively, saying nothing, but squeezing his hand in return. He figured he’d done right.

Maybe more things came to him naturally than he thought.

Before leaving the nature museum, you and Wonwoo had stopped at their atrium as promised to get in a quick meal. While you poked a fork into your sad-looking salad, making small scribbles every now and then to the journal at your elbow, Wonwoo ate a grill-pressed sandwich and flicked through his phone. He was surprised to check the time and realize you had spent about three hours there—it felt so much shorter. Wonwoo hated how quickly each moment flew past when he was with you. It was always so bittersweet.

He had wanted to know what exactly you were penciling in the journal, though he never asked, knowing he would probably be proofreading it from your document later. Obviously, you were thinking about that particular date with Mingyu from years back in your life—that was the principal point in going to the museum. However, Wonwoo had chosen to regard it more as hanging out, not caring if that was a particularly delusional or untruthful choice.

After finishing your meals and tossing the plastic remnants into the recycling bins, Wonwoo looked outside the atrium’s towering glass wall to note how cloudy the sky had become. From the bright, eggshell turquoise in the afternoon, to an especially muted grey that seemed brewing and heavy with a downpour. You adjusted the bag over your shoulder and suddenly grimaced at the sight.

“Jeez, is it going to rain?”

“It could,” Wonwoo sighed. “It very possibly could.”

“I swear. I obsessively check the forecast in order to plan all my outfits around it. It never said it would rain!” You then threw the bottle of iced tea you’d been drinking into the garbage with an aggressive slam. “This shirt is a horrible choice. It will be stupidly see-through."

Wonwoo glanced around the atrium.

“There’s lots of empty tables. If we want to sit and wait it out, then I don’t think anyone would get mad. But, I mean, it’s up to you.”

“Why’s it up to me?”

“I don’t know. Just—if you don’t want to get your outfit all soaked. I’m sure if we left now, we could make good distance before it really started raining. I’m not opposed to getting a little wet. But I have no issue with staying here and letting the clouds go over.”

You folded your arms, and your head fell to the side. He’d seen that look before. It was your own patented prelude to disaster.

“I never said I was opposed to getting wet.”

He laughed. “Well, you certainly insinuated it.”

“Do you think I'm some sort of whiny little priss?”

"I think you named your bear Miss Priss."

"I think you're a smart ass. Take that smirk off your face. Now."

Wonwoo wanted to sigh, but he didn’t. He then thought about trying to tenderly explain his way out of it with his smooth words. As much as he would think he’d figured you out, there was still a part of him that was very confused by you and how to adjust to your behaviour.

This time, he decided he would do nothing.

“Okay. Let’s go, then.”

He reached out his hand for you to grab.

“As if,” you scoffed, walking around him toward the exit doorway, into the museum garden, “not after you just insulted me.”

Wonwoo could do nothing but laugh in response, because he had caught that faint smile on your face as you passed him, and the sweet beading in your eyes. He simply followed you out the doors.

During the walk back to his apartment, it had yet to rain at all, not even a typical, humid summer drizzle or the smallest bit of spitting. Maybe it was just way more cloudy than usual, or it was a concerning spread of city smog tainting the sky. It’s not like he wanted it to rain, anyway, though more so for your sake than his.

About a little more than halfway through the walk, however, you came to an abrupt stop outside a flower shop, and Wonwoo watched you lift a doubtful hand to your cheek and wipe something off it. Before you could say anything, Wonwoo felt a big, cold, wet drop smack just above his eyebrow and begin leaking down. He used the sleeve of his shirt to clean it up, only to experience another fat droplet strike a second later, right onto his glasses.

“You can’t be serious…” he heard you mumble.

Making the mistake of looking up, more and more droplets fell swiftly from the daunting, dark grey blanket strewn across the entire skylight. They began painting all over the sidewalk, the roadway, shaking down into the brilliant purple and white petunia pots outside the florist shop. And Wonwoo froze for a moment, because he honestly hadn’t expected to be caught in the rain, let alone the downpour it was unfortunately shaping up to be.

“Ow!” You winced sharply. “One just fucking hit my eyeball!”

“Shit—let’s hurry.” Wonwoo hid his phone. “My apartment’s only like, ten minutes away, less if we run really fast.”

“Run?!” You gawked at him. “I don’t run!”

“No, you fucking sashay, I get it.” In a matter of seconds, those intermittent raindrops had evolved into an unrelenting, bathing barrage. Wonwoo could feel his clothes beginning to dampen, and his glasses were streaming with water. He slapped his hand onto yours, jerking you forward despite your stiltedness. “And I’m so sorry but you’re going to have to sacrifice one part of your pretty fucking princess routine for just five minutes so we can get back to my place.”

“My pretty fucking wha—!”

Once Wonwoo’s fingers were clasped tight with yours, he started to run, and whether it was voluntary or not, you ran along with him, shouting something that he couldn’t quite hear over the rain that bounced in loud splatters against the sidewalk and the adrenaline echoing in his own ears. He could hardly see through the downpour, but he’d walked that path so many times that it almost wasn’t necessary. At one point, he’d stepped onto the street prematurely, and he heard the loud, startled honk from a car.

“Jesus Christ, Wonwoo!” You half-laughed, half-coughed, clutching onto his slippery hand even tighter, “I’d ideally like to live!”

“We’re almost there!” He chuckled back.

“I think I’m going to lose my fucking shoe!”

“I’ll buy you a new pair!”

Wonwoo didn’t stop, and you didn’t either. He was soaked to his bones, with thick, drizzling fronds of hair plastered to his forehead and the glasses nearly slipping from his nose—the scent of earthy but ashen rain all around him—and still Wonwoo kept running, a very blithe smile permanent to his mouth despite all his discomfort.

Upon reaching the entryway to the pottery shop, Wonwoo almost skidded completely past it since the sidewalk was so slick and pouring like an angry river. You slammed into his back, and it was then that your hands unintentionally separated. Instead, he felt your fingers flesh into the sopping cloth covering his shoulders.

“Be careful on the steps!” He shouted overtop a reverberating crack of thunder that shook from behind the grey sleet sky.

“If I slip, I’m pulling you down with me!”

Wonwoo was pleased to hear the equally bright smile that bled into your words, meanwhile your fingertips dug even deeper into his muscle. Once inside the shop, a gust of wind proceeded to blow the door shut, and all Wonwoo heard was hard rain against the glass.

—END OF PART TWO.

[namjoonscoffeeshop]

Deep | 02

✧ Pairing:Min Yoongi x reader

✧ genre: angst,fluff,smut,fake dating au,contract

✧ warning(s): explicit language, suggestive content, mature content

✧ synopsis; you're in love with your childhood friend but he does not see you more than just a friend. One day you ask him to be more than just friends, he agrees.

✧ word count: 8.4k+

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Yoongi followed behind you as he pushed the cart down the aisle. you guys tend to eat together, so you don't waste a lot of money on groceries.

as you pass the aisle with his favorite's snacks you see him toss about three bags of them, he gives you a sheepish smile as he pushes the cart ahead of you before you could say anything to him.

"do you really wanna cook? we could order food. i'll pay my treat" he smiles

"well what do you wanna get" you ask as you grab a carton of milk and put it into the cart. he watches you as you look like a busy bee walking around getting everything you needed.

so wifey material

he chuckles at his thoughts, "lets get a box of chicken wings. it's good here" he points at the little side stand of chicken, you nod and head over to add a order.

once you arrive home, he's helping bring in the grocery as you fix it in the refrigerator. "what movie are we watching" he yells from the living room as he shuts the door.

"i don't know, you pick" he groans, he hated when you did that. made him choose everything.

"fine but don't complain later" you giggle

after putting everything away you bring the food you guys got to eat right now to the living room. yoongi was already sitting on the floor going through netflix waiting for you

"what do you want to drink?" you ask as you place the box of chicken down "beer" he says giving you his gummy smile

rolling your eyes playfully you go back to the kitchen to get what he wanted.

"you don't like beer, but you're drinking it a lot lately" you tell him as you take a seat next to him on the floor. he just shrugs, as he opens the can "i just feel like drinking it these days"

"what are we watching?" you ask

"inception"

you groan "againnnn" you whine

"hey you told me to pick, i told you not to complain. it's either inception or matrix" he whines back at you

"same difference, i'd rather watch inception. you start questioning me about what fucking pill i'd drink"

"well you never answer!"

you shush him before he could start with his questions "just press play" you wave your hand as if calling defeat and he just shakes his head as he laughs.

you had brought some blankets on the sofa, so after you were done eating you climbed onto the sofa and covered yourself. yoongi was into the movie as always, completely oblivious to his surroundings.

you lay on your tummy, yoongi's head is leaned against the sofa as he watches the movie. you take this chance to play with his hair. he didn't really like when people touched his hair, but when he's really into something he could care less about what's going on.

your fingers curl up on the long strands of hair that fall on his neck, taking it as a chance to snake your hands around him. letting them hang over his chest

you were screaming inside, waiting to see how he was going to react.

tilting his head back he looks at you "what's with you" he chuckles, he didn't mind you touching him, but you never did before at least not like this.

"i'm bored" you tell him as you hug him burying your face in his nape. "well this is uncomfortable" he gets up.

his words leave you shocked. did he hate you touching him that bad, did you cross a line you shouldn't have? you blanked out as all these questions passed through your head you didn't notice when he laid on the longer side of the sofa "well come here" he laughs at your blank expression

"but you said it was.....uncomfortable" you mutter the last part

"yeah it was gonna be uncomfortable if i just sat on the floor, now come here" getting up, he opens his arms as you basically lay over him. he covers the both of you with a blanket and he holds you. he overlaps your legs so you don't fall off the sofa, "go to sleep, you're the one that wanted to hang out and now you say it's boring" he shakes his head

you hug his waist, as he watches tv. you felt like it wasn't getting anywhere, this was how you both always act. there was no spark. looking up at him, you watch him as he stares at the screen

it took him a while before he looks at you, faces inches away from each other. "what" he says

"nothing" you make sure to not be a coward and keep eye contact just as he does.

"why do i feel like you got something to say"

"maybe i do"

"yeah? what is it then" you look at his lips as they move, he notices how your body language is different than usual.

"inception sucks" he scoffs playfully, threatening to push you off the sofa.

chicken

maybe you shouldn't have eaten chicken...then you could've kissed him right now...

yeah lets blame the chicken.

you ended up falling asleep in his arms, he watched inception till the end and the turned off the tv. seeing how you were deep asleep he just laid there looking at the ceiling as he heard your little snores.

a small ring from his phone made him look at his phone, there were a shit load of messages from her.

tossing his phone to the side he pulls the blanket to cover you a bit more before shutting his eyes and dozing off himself.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

you woke up on the same position as before, but you could only hear yoongi's small snores as you laid on his chest. you lean on the couch trying to get up, only to have his grip around your waist tighten "don't you see i'm sleeping" he groans

"but i wanna get up" you feel your face heat up as he stares at you half awake "why? Just sleep" he gives you a small squeeze before opening his eyes completely "did you watch the whole movie?"

"you mean the movie we were suppose to watch together but you fell asleep instead, yeah I did" he chuckles. chin against his chest as you look up at him, he covers you with the blanket "what's on your mind" he says

gathering all your courage, "what type of girl is your ideal type" you stare into his eyes, with determination to find out

"uh, that's random" he chuckles "why do you want to know?"

"just because..."

"right..." he raises a brow as he grins

"come on, just tell me"

he looked into your eyes for a while as if searching for the reason behind these questions, giving up he sighs. "let me think" he stares at you as he hums "i don't really have an ideal type, just someone who is similar to me" he shrugs

i'm nothing like him..

"black long hair" he says suddenly as he grabs a strand of your hair "right now i'm really into long black hair" he twirls his finger around your strand of hair.

you were about to smile until the girl from the party came to mind, she has long hair too. the thought made you frown as you sat up "what?" he sits up as well.

"nothing" you smile "it's late, we should clean up and go to sleep"

"don't worry about it, let's just go to sleep" standing up from the couch he reaches out his hand to you, you knew what he wanted. more like what he was gonna say, he was gonna tell you to stay with him since it was late.

but what he didn't know was that you were pissed for his response, why couldn't the bitch change her hair color just like she cakes her face.

but you weren't gonna miss the chance of staying with yoongi. taking his hand you both walk to his bedroom, where you both lay on each side and fall asleep.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"how did the date go?"

"it went good" your friend grins, causing all the other girls to squeal like high school girls. your sitting in the cafeteria in your campus with your group of friends, they are all dating unlike you. you always seem to be the one left out when it comes to these conversations.

"y/n, my boyfriend actually told me his friend was having a mixer and I told him about you. do you want to go?"

"i don't know" you laugh awkwardly

"don't tell me you're planning to stay virgin till marriage" they all stare at you with intense looks, as if they could eat you up.

"i just don't want to loose it to a random person..." you mutter, causing them to all nod "there's nothing wrong with that" abby ruffles your hair "but you never go out, how are you planning to ever find someone"

"don't rush her" jihye says as she pulls you into a hug "leave my innocent y/n alone, if she doesn't wanna meet anyone then it's fine. her time will come"

"what about junho, you both were hanging out"

"oh we're just friends...i'm not attracted to him at all" you make sure to clear the air about junho and you since you knew what everyone was saying.

"as long as you don't go running after yoongi all the time i'm sure you'll find someone" she says sarcastically

you play with the spoon as they continue to talk about their boyfriends and their sex life as if they didn't care you were there.

either way, you didn't want them to not include you in their little group talks, it would be awkward if they didn't even acknowledge you. they respected that you were a virgin but they were really pushy at times.

just as you were listening to them, you see yoongi walking into the cafeteria with his group of friends. abby follows your sight of vision and grins "namjoon is hot, i hear his dick is so fucking good" she shakes her head in approval

"nah, jungkook" the girls all nod as they hum in sync. you stare at them and look back at the guys. "you guys are a bunch of hoes" you say, causing them to laugh. "for namjoon, yes"

"but you have a boyfriend" you tell her, point the spoon her direction with disapproving eyes "shh child" she puts your arm down "let me dream"

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

waiting in the library once more for yoongi, you sit there watching a show as you wait. he texted you saying he was on his way but you had already watched two episodes. taking out your phone you give him a call, only to be sent to voicemail.

the grip on your phone tightens as you frown knowing damn well what he was up to. he always answers, except when he was with her. feeling annoyed you take out a post it note. you leave the note on the table, knowing he'll find it cause you always sit in the same table. grabbing your bag you decide to head home feeling defeated.

MEANWHILE....

she rubbed her hand on his thigh as she kissed his jawline "you kept ditching me this week" yoongi was in fact trapped with his play thing at the moment. he could see you sent him messages and such, but he had needs that needed to be fulfilled.

"i know, i've just been busy" he kisses her back as she locks her lips with his. undoing his belt, she gets on her knees in front of him. "get rid of it"

"what?" he says as he lifts his hips helping her pull down his pants and boxers "your little distraction" he chuckles at her bold words, taking hold of his harden cock she gives him a long lick from the base to the head "why don't you stop talking and use your mouth for something else" kissing his tip she opens her mouth taking him in whole.

"yea, just like that" holding onto her head, he thrusts into her mouth hitting the back of her throat causing her to moan and gag as he holds his dick on the back of her throat for a moment. his eyes were shut close, head laid back as he tried to ignore the buzzing phone.

wiping her mouth she looks up at yoongi "your leaving?" he ignores her as he throws his jacket on "yeah, i have to go meet someone"

"that's not fair, what about me?" she pouts

"you'll be fine" I already took too fucking long, I was suppose to meet her an hour ago. she must still be waiting.

grabbing his bag he walks to the door "my distraction might keep me busy, don't text me like we have some sort of relationship" he winks at her before walking out the door leaving her annoyed, kneeled on the floor.

walking into the library he rushes to the spot you always sit but sees you aren't there. walking to the table he thought you might've gone to the bathroom or something but instead of your bag or notebook there as you'd always leave for him he found a note

I'm heading home, make sure to eat once you get home.

- Y/N

folding the note he sticks it in his pocket he lets out a puff of air, annoyed did she get mad. Once he got to the building he rings your doorbell. but there was no answer. not wanting to barge in, he calls your phone but no answer. sighing he gives up after ringing your bell a few more times before entering his apartment.

"i'll make it up to her later" he says walking to his room to get a change of clothes.

you lay on your bed as you hear the last doorbell sound. "took him a long ass time to come back home, dumb whore" you were angry, you wanted him to just pay attention to you but he was still going to her.

what bothered you the most is that this girl was different from the rest, she has been with him longer than the rest. jihye said it's probably cause she isn't clingy. the moment they become clingy he leaves the relationship.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"I'm busy today" yoongi tells the person on the other end of the call. after ignoring his calls he decided to just sit outside on the bench that's in front of the building for a smoke.

"i'll call you" he says shutting his phone off and leaving it on the side "bitches mad annoying these days" putting a cigarette between his lips he presses on his lighter. just as he was about to reach the other end of the stick, the lighter is yanked out of his hand "really yoongi, you know this shit ain't good for you" there stood the girl who had him waiting outside.

chuckling he takes the cigarette out from between his lips "come on babe, what am I suppose to do then" taking it from his hand she takes the cigar box and shoves it inside only to put it in her back pocket "I got jolly ranchers"

yoongi was about to answer but she took his hand and was pulling him up the stairs. he stares at her frame as he walks behind her "i'd rather have something else that's sweeter" he licks his lips. rolling your eyes you opens the door and walk inside.

"are you mad at me" he says as she opens the side tables drawer

"why would I be mad?"

"you didn't answer my calls nor opened the door"

"you have keys you could've entered" closing it shut, you turn around grabbing yoongi's hand "green, the ones you like" in his palm there were four green jolly ranchers.

"i guess" they walk to the living room as he unwraps one and sticks it in his mouth. "but i'm still taking these back" reaching for your back pocket from your jeans he takes the box of cigarettes.

"yoongi i'm serious"

"so am i, i'm eating the jolly rancher. don't be mad" he gives you his gummy smile

"what ever" letting her body fall on the couch he stares at her from where he stands "why were you ignoring me"

"I wasn't, I was asleep"

"right" he answers sarcastically

"why were you late"

"the guys were being mad annoying" he rolls his eyes playfully, sitting across from her. the way he could just lie to her made her feel annoyed "next time just tell me where you're at and i'll go" you unwrap a jolly rancher you had gotten for yourself.

"you wanna hang out with my friends?" he was surprised since you never wanted to go even when he invited you. "better than being alone for hours"

"i guess, sure next time i'll tell you"

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"Stay still, you moving around like that isn't helping" you slap his hand as you try to help him take out the eye contact that he couldn't take out himself.

You were about to go to sleep after hanging out and eating dinner when he calls you telling you that he either can't get the contact out or it fell but to get your ass over and help him. He was sitting on the couch in front of a small mirror when you entered.

This is the situation.

"Well you poked my fucking eye" he hisses, of course he was exaggerating. Hovering over him as you try to get a better look at his eye he keeps closing it on purpose. "That's it" In a swift move you straddle him pushing him back against the couch as you tilt his head back. "Now stay still" dumbfounded he stares at you speechless.

"I think you dropped it...." Distancing yourself from him you sit back on his lap. As he stares at you. "So you planning to get off or what"

"So much for saying thank you" rolling your eyes, you place your hands on his shoulder as you were about to stand up. Wait a damn minute, this is my chance to mess with him, you thought.

Letting yourself fall back on his lap you stare into his eyes. Which one was red which you in fact did poke. Wrapping your hands around him you decide to just sit there and hug him. "Y/n, that's enough" he laughs, hands on your waist as he tries to make you stand. leaning into his ear you whisper his name, your fingertips slightly brushing against the back on his neck

"what" he says unaffected.

Thinking about what one of the characters in the books you read would do, you decide to move your hips against him. making him mutter your name as his grip on your waist tightens.

"What" you look him in the eye before moving your hips again, sharper than before. "Alright that's enough" gripping your thighs he abruptly stands, dropping you on the sofa as he turns "thanks for the help, I'm gonna go finish what I was doing. See yourself out" without giving you a glance he walks away. You hear him enter the rest room.

"That was a fucking fail" you sigh, screaming into a couch pillow. Closing his contacts container you leave his apartment

"Fuckk" yoongi strokes his cock with his hand, rubbing his thumb on the tip. "Mmm y/n" calling your name he thrusts into his fist. "Shit" bitting his bottom lip he continued to pump himself in a fast pace. Your name escaped his lips as he releases all over his hand.

Head leaning against the shower wall, he lets the water help him calm down after his release "this girl...stop thinking about her before you get hard again" sighing he turns off the water.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"Here have some lemonade before we go" he hands you a bottle of lemonade as he grabs your suitcase. your parents called asking you guys to visit this weekend. yoongi for once didn't reject the offer.

"thanks" you enter the car as he shuts the door once your in, making his way to the trunk to put the luggage away. you were expecting something to happen after you basically rubbed yourself on him but he was nonchalant as always.

opening the bottle as he enters the car you take a sip before passing it to him, staring at you confused you laugh "drink some"

"are you gonna wanna get something to eat during the drive" he says as he drinks from the bottle. pursing your lips as you ponder of what you should get he hands you the bottle back.

"sandwiches? honestly, I should've done food before we left"

"nah, it's fine. lets go get some then"

in the end you got two sandwiches while he got a corn dog saying he wasn't as hungry. you both make your way to the car while he's just devouring his corn dog.

"you sure you're not gonna want something else" you ask him as you both get in the car, he only shakes his head.

the car ride was quiet until you took over the radio playing your favorite music, he didn't like your taste in music but he didn't care. he loved hearing you sing your heart out to every song.

opening your sandwich you were about to take a bite but you felt him staring at you. sighing you turn to him "what? you want it?"

he only grins as he looks back at the road "here" grabbing his hand you place the sandwich on his hand, rolling your eyes since you knew he wasn't gonna be filled with just the corn dog. your should've gotten him his own extra share.

but you were hungry...one wasn't enough. pouting you opened your other sandwich taking a bite out of it. Did he forget that i'm the one that said we should get sandwiches.

he laughs as he sees you eat with a angry look on your face "want it back?"

"no"

"will one be enough for you"

"no, that's why i got two" you take another bite as you glare at him

"then take it"

"i don't eat left overs"

he gasps sarcastically " how are they leftovers"

"because you bit it and you probably didn't even want it but just messed with me"

glancing your way once more he grins "i was just teasing you a little"

looking his way, he had that same gummy smile that makes your insides melt. "so what, are you giving it back" you toss the wrapper into the bag

"nope"

he continued to eat my fucking sandwich.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

arriving at the house of your parents you both get down. "i'll get the suit cases, head inside first" he says as he opens the trunk. you nod before walking up the stone path as you head up the house, you can hear music playing.

you could hear how it was coming from the back, walking around the house you enter the backyard through the side gate "we're homeeee" you yell out as you enter the gate to find both your families sitting together.

"look at my little girl" your mom gets up and rushes to you. pulling you into a tight hug "you guys need to visit more often" she showers you with kisses "mommm, i just saw you a couple weeks ago" you whine.

"where's yoongi" his dad puts down a plate he had brought from inside

"bringing the luggage" you turn to look at the gate, wondering why he's taken long "hold on, lemme go get him" you smile, getting any excuse to get away from all the smooches.

walking back to the front of the house you find yoongi leaning against his car smoking your luggages also put up against the car. you sigh before making your way towards him

"really? they're waiting for us and you're out here doing this" stopping in front of him you cross your arms raising a brow in disapproval. he smirks before blowing towards you causing you to wave the smoke away

"really?"

"you know the moment i get in there, my dad starts telling me i should change career" he's about to put the cigarette between his lips but you take it out of his hand tossing it on the floor only to step on it.

"you should really quit, it's bad for you"

looking up you see his hand extended out towards you

"what?"

"give me a jolly rancher"

"what? i don't have any with me"

rolling his eyes he takes out the pack of cigarettes

"yoongi they're waiting for us" you whine, taking it from his hands

"then give me something sweet" he taps his lips

"later" wrapping your arm around his, you grab your suit case with your other hand . he stood there staring at you "get yours genius" he groans in frustration as he grabs it and pulls you towards the house

entering the lions den as yoongi sees it you both leave the suit cases at the back entrance before joining the rest at the table

"hey" the little boy sitting next to you greets you.

"hello" you smile

"my name is hajun" his eyes sparked as he looked at you

"ah..my name is y/n"

"that's a pretty name" his cheeks turn into a pinkish blush

"who's the flirt" yoongi says as he sits opposite from you after greeting his parents, you shrug.

"he's my friends kid, she had something to do this weekend so he'll be here" your mom smiles

looking at the kid, you see him staring at you

"do you think my daughter is pretty" your mom tells the boy in a teasing way only for him to nod and everyone laughs but yoongi

"is he your boyfriend"

"no"

"yes"

yoongi and you both look at each other, you look confuse as you mouth, what the fuck

he shrugs before drinking from the glass of water

"wait is he?" the boy pouts

"no, he's just messing around"

"really yoongi? he's only six" his mom shakes her head as she chuckles

"what, gotta let the kid know he has no chance. letting a kid be delusional is bad for them" he shrugs

you all laugh as both boys stare at each other, yoongi had a smug look while hajun was glaring at him

"you're too young kid" he laughs

your hand meets your face as you couldn't believe yoongi was fighting with a kid. "are you guys hungry?" your mom speaks up, only for you to glare at yoongi who was already giving you a gummy smile knowing you were gonna tell that he ate your food and he wasn't wrong you did tell.

"yes, yoongi ate my food" crossing your arms.

"i told her she could have it back but then went and called them left overs" he starts to complain but his mom pulls his ear while lecturing him in a playful way about stealing your food. of course all he did was laugh, but his eyes never left you.

after eating you guys sat there and caught up with your parents, while you tried to keep up with the conversation you also tried to give hajun attention as he kept talking to you.

"y/n"

"what"

"come over here" yoongi says as he gets up and walks towards the glass door to enter the house

excusing yourself you walk behind him, he picks up both your suitcases as he opens the door.

"what happened?"

"give me what you said"

"what?" extending his hand he raises a brow

rolling your eyes you walk to the counter and open the jar that has always been there ever since you were a kid and just like then, it was filled with lollipops. your dad has a sweet tooth.

pulling the wrapper off you walk up to him, pressing it against his lips "there, suck" he grabs onto the lolipop, one brow raised at you as chai you wink before walking off leaving him dumbfounded.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"How's she doing in school" yoongi was sitting on the chair swing with your dad, you had gone inside to help clean up after everyone ate.

"she's doing fine, she'll be graduating on time" he takes a sip of the beer

"that's good, thanks for watching out for her" he chuckles, putting his hand on yoongi's shoulder he gives it a small squeeze before looking at his wife

"i just don't want her to mess up and end up struggling like we did, young and with a kid...life just doesn't treat you the same" before you guys went off to college, your dad did not agree with you going away. only after yoongi promised to watch over you did he allow you to go somewhere far.

"don't worry i keep an eye on her" he chuckles, your dad nods giving yoongi a little nudge with his elbow "don't be too protective" making both of them laugh. getting off the swing he walks to yoongi's dad who was stacking up the chairs.

yoongi looks at you as you walk to hajun giving him a lollipop time to go torment the kid, getting up from the swing he walk over to both of you. the kid unwraps the lollipop only for yoongi to steal it.

"yoongi, really? it's his" you hit his arm.

"what, did you also tell him to suck on it too?" he laughs before putting it in his mouth. rolling your eyes you reach into your pocket and hand him another lollipop

"don't listen to him, he's just a bully"

"nah, she's the real evil one. don't trust her, women are all the same" yoongi acts hurt as he wipes his fake tears

"did noona reject you" he frowns, feeling sorry for yoongi.

you couldn't hold your laugh as yoongi looks at him with a really bitch look.

"my mom says you shouldn't force love. it'll come naturally"

"how old are you again kid" yoongi asked annoyed

"alright alright, your right hajun" you pat his head giving him a sweet smile.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

you were getting a change of clothes from your suitcase before getting a call from yoongi

"are you sleeping" he says

"no, why?"

"i'm not tired"

"ok? i am"

"then why aren't you sleeping"

"cause i haven't changed my clothes..i was talking to my mom" shutting your suitcase you place some shorts and a large t-shirt on the bed "come on lets go out, i'm not tired"

"no, yoongi go to sleep"

"but i hate that room"

you let out a sigh, knowing damn well what he wants, every time you guys come to visit he always wants to sneak into your room without your parent's noticing

"you just wanna avoid your dad tomorrow morning"

"and if that's the reason, is my best friend not gonna help me?"

you couldn't help but laugh at his childish behavior "fine, hurry up. the window is open"

"alright"

it didn't take long before you see a cat like person crawling through your window

"babe, at least open the window more" he rubs his head at the same spot he just hit while sneaking in.

"shhh, they'll hear you" yoongi waves you off as emphasizes how extra you could be. you end up going to the bathroom to change into your outfit. "okay, take this as a opportunity" you tell yourself in the mirror. your hands tight in fist as you try to boost your confidence . getting a bottle of water for him you go back to your room.

"here"

"thanks"

getting into the bed you lay by the wall, having him lay on the other side. the bed wasn't as big as the one back in your apartment. your knees touched in this bed. your goal, to cuddle.

"i'm gonna turn off the light"

"ok"

you both lay in silence, it wasn't an awkward silence. not until yoongi groans, sitting up pulling his shirt over his head. "what are you doing" you exclaim as he tosses his shirt at the end of the bed "what, i can't sleep with this shirt. i forgot to change" he whines as he get under the covers again.

trying to calm your fastened heart beat you lay on your side facing him. "are you sleepy now"

"nope, but it's better than being alone" he stares at the ceiling. you were both raised here together. your parents are friends. well both your moms were. they both got pregnant around the same time and this is how you guys ended up being inseparable.

unlike you he didn't have the happiest moments. his parents always fighting and there was always as chance of them getting a divorce. it wasn't like this before he was born, his dad would tell him repeatedly.

but yoongi found peace at your house, making it his home. the fighting at some point got so bad yoongi himself yelled he'll fill up the divorce papers himself so they can just sign and go their own way. he was tired. yoongi went to live with you that summer.

i heard his parents fought less with him around. yoongi was never the same after that when ever he was around them.

his eyes were shut, as you stared as his perfect face. lifting your hand you move the hair strand that covered his eyes "what is it" he was getting sleepy, you could tell by his voice.

"yoongi" he hums in response

scooting closer to him you decide to just take action first and hug him first.

"what are you doing" he says looking down at you

"the bed is small, and since you're taking over the rest of my blanket I can't hug it to sleep" he chuckles, knowing you need to hug something to sleep. Something he always found cute about you. "you're such a child" he teases, hugging you back.

"want me to scratch your head" he chuckles, knowing you love it when your mom especially passes her hand through your head

"yeah" you smile

in the books i read this position, it's the sweetheart cradle.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"i thought you guys weren't boyfriend and girlfriend" hajun speaks up as he enters the room, he gasps so loudly you both woke up

"we aren't" you sit up quickly, not being able to enjoy waking up next to yoongi's side due to this snotty nosey brat

the kid pouts but glares at yoongi who also sat up but leaned against the headboard smirking "told you there was no chance at all"

"shut up" you punch his arm, you were afraid this kid would go tell your parents

"wheres mom" you ask him as your crawl to the edge of the bed. yoongi on the other hand had a good view of your ass and he didn't bother to not look away instead he stared as your shorts rode up your butt as you crawled to the end of the bed. he had a urge to not give it a firm grab or slap your ass.

"they left, she told me to come get you" he looks at you after glaring at yoongi for a good minute

"alright, let me get ready and we can go out. the three of us"

"can't we leave him here" he points at yoongi

"no can do kid, you can't just try to pull a move without the other man being there. that's cheating"

"you did, last night" he rolls his eyes at yoongi who stood up and picked up his shirt. walking to hajun who was at the doorway he pats his head "i said man" and walks out

hajun ran after him yelling, leaving you on the bed fed up with their rivalry.

"Can I hold your hand?" hajun rushes to your side as yoongi stays behind to lock the doors. he kept looking back to see if yoongi was coming.

"sure" grabbing his small hand into yours you begin to speed walk while laughing knowing he wanted to get as far as possible from yoongi.

you couldn't even cross the street before yoongi scooped him off the ground, throwing him over his shoulder "hey put me down" he yells kicking

"nope" yoongi then takes your hand in his and crosses the street. "don't drop him yoongi" you pinch him with your nails as he holds your hand "i won't, if he doesn't move"

"y/n please, i'm not a kid. tell him to put me down"

"yoon-" before you could say anything he leans down to your height whispering into your ear "if i put him down i'll have no choice but to make you switch places with him"

your face heated up as his raspy voice whispered to you. looking at the young boy who was dangling over his shoulder pleading for you to help him you give him a apologetic smile "sorry"

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"it's not fair"

"too bad"

"play fair"

"she's not some prize kid"

they kept going at each other as you walked to the store to get some snacks. "go play on the swing or something" yoongi shoos him away only to have the boy frown and he was clearly angry

"why does it bother you. you like her and don't even make a move"

yoongi chuckles, pulling out a jolly rancher from his pocket. i really wanna smoke right now, he thought as he tasted the green apple in his mouth. "what makes you say that"

"you look at her the way the mail man looks at my mom" he gasps at the young boys words he almost choked on the jolly rancher.

yoongi was determined that this kid was out to get him.

"you should really tell your dad about that" he gives the kid a concerning look. the kid takes a seat next to him shaking his head "I don't got to. He knows"

the conversation just went to shit. not even to make a joke about it, this is like what...character development for the kid? yoongi thought to himself

"damn kid that's fucked up" really?

the kid only shrugs

"parents are over rated" taking out another jolly rancher he hands it to the kid "here"

"thanks" unwrapping it he looks at yoongi "so what? do you like her or not"

"she's my best friend"

"but do you like her"

"kid, mind your business" he rolls his eyes. getting annoyed by a little ass kid made him even more annoyed.

"does it feel nice?"

"what" yoongi sighs

"being in love?"

"how old are you again?" yoongi grins as the kid purses his lip probably wanting to curse at this elder so bad.

"it's nice to be in love, but it doesn't justify cheating. cheating is bad, don't be a bad man"

the weekend came to an end and you both were making your way back home after saying good bye to everyone.

suddenly hajun and yoongi were on good terms.

"what were you two talking about the other day. after that he just kept following you around" you ask yoongi as you open the bottle cap for his drink, handing it to him.

"stuff"

"oh really?" you roll your eyes as he laughs. "don't be mad sweetheart, we were talking about you too"

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"nah man you're cheating" the guy across from jimin throws the cards on the table. everyone was cheering jimin who just won a shit load of money.

"can we borrow this chair" a girl with ginger hair taps on the chair next to namjoon. "you can, or you can sit on my lap" he grins

"are you going home early?" taehyung asks yoongi who was already standing up from the table

"ye-" he's interrupted as the girl who was sitting next to him speaks up "why are you leaving? the night just started" she gives her sweet smile

"let's get a drink, somewhere else just the two of us" the ends of his lips curve into a smirk as he lowers himself to her height "what? i didn't hear you" his arm makes its way to her waist as he pulls her up.

"i said lets go somewhere else" bodies up against each other he takes another drink from his cup before walking away with his arm wrapped around her.

his hands sneaked under her dress giving him the chance to grope her ass helping her grind against his thigh as they made out.

kissing along his jaw she worked her way down to his neck ready to mark him but he stops her "no marks" pushing her down on the bed he unbuttons his shirt tossing it onto the floor before pulling the dress over her body. "let's make it quick"

pulling her panties down he positions himself in between her legs, rubbing his thumb on her entrance "look at this" he grins "i didn't even touch you down there yet"

he wasted no time to align himself to her entrance and thrust into her, groaning until he was fully inside her. not giving her any time to adjust he holds her waist thrusting into her without any warning,

"oh fuuuuck" the girl holds onto the bed sheets

she loved how it felt to have his strong hands on her hips as he picked up the pace, he wasn't giving her any time to think of anything but him. the louder she moaned the more harder he went.

"mm fuck, you like that"

"yes, fuckk harder please" she whines as he rubs her clit with his fingers

"fuckk i'm so close" she reaches for his neck as she pulls him down for a kiss. their mouths never leaving each other as he thrusts into her harder and harder each time. she digs her nails onto his back. causing him to grab her hands pinning them over her head. she releases but he fucks her till he's done. filling up the condom he grunts as he thrusts into her a few more times before pulling out.

"shit, that was amazing" she says out of breath

yoongi hums in response as he gets off the bed disposing the condom, he begins to get dressed.

"where are you going?"

without stopping yoongi glances at the naked girl who he was just begging him to fuck her. he grins as he buttons up his shirt "don't tell me this is your first time having a one night stand"

"what?"

"i just wanted to fuck, nothing special is gonna come out of this" and with those last words he grabs his jacket shutting the door behind him as leaves her all alone. walking to the bathroom he freshens up, cleaning the lipstick stains that were decorating his neck.

"fuck it's already late" he groans.

yoongi enters your apartment to find you sitting at your table doing homework "it's almost 3 in the morning why are you still up?" he makes his way towards you

"i could ask you the same" you smile

"jimin had a party, invited me last minute. dude was having too much fun" standing behind you he hugs you from behind. a moment you were suppose to enjoy was ruined before it could begin. your smile became a frown.

"he wasn't the only one having fun" you pull on his arm to push him away, leaving him dumbfounded.

"you smell" you say as you nudge him away some more

"really?"

"yeah" pushing your chair out you pick up your books. closing them since you had finish your work.

"ok? don't tell me your mad?"

"no"

"then? why does it bother you?" grabbing your wrist to stop you from walking to your room he stands behind you "come on y/n" he whines cutely but it wasn't gonna work on me. not today.

"shower when you come back from parties, you smell like a bitch" pulling her hand out of his grip she shuts the door from her room.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

today you wanted to do anything but be with yoongi. it made you furious the thought of him being with someone else. you hated it.

"are you not going to school" yoongi says over the phone"

" i have no classes today"

"are you still mad about yesterday"

you sigh, rubbing your temple before answering "i wasn't mad, i'm just sensitive to smell. anyways i got something to do. talk to you later" you hang up the phone not giving him any time to answer.

yoongi raised his brow as you stared at his phone, he wanted to make of you at the way you were acting but he knew it'll only piss you off more.

"bro another place tonight. what do you say?" jimin throws his arm over his shoulder

"i can't"

"why not?" he whines

"i have a cat that gets pissed when i come home with a bitchy scent" shaking jimin off he makes his way to the parking lot.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"i've never been with someone who's dick is so big" she expresses while holding her hands up at a certain length.

"y/n, have you ever had sex with yoongi?" they all stared at you with curious eyes

"i mean you guys are friends, why not" she nudges your arm while giggling.

trying not to show how the question caught you by surprise you scrunch your nose "really guys, i'm eating why do we have to talk about these things" shaking your head as you chuckle they laugh.

looking at your phone you couldn't help but notice yoongi hadn't contacted you all day. usually if you guys would hang out together he'd let you know. the fact that there was no message had two meanings either he was gonna be with the guys or he picked up some needy girl again.

since you didn't have any classes today you decided to spend time with your friends which you don't get to a lot well cause of school or just you being busy chasing after yoongi.

"hey, yoongi just called me asking if we we're together" jihye says as she rushes to catch up to you guys, she had stopped to get some yogurt. "what? why didn't he just call me?" "he said he did call you"

taking out your phone you see five missed calls from yoongi and about 15 messages. "oh" pressing your finger over his contact you call him.

"i know you're mad but at least call me, will ya. you didn't even tell me where you were going" he speaks loudly, letting jihye who was walking along side you hear him very clearly. glancing at jihye you give her a apologetic smile "sorry, i'ma go" you mouth as you point towards the bottom floor. she just nods before catching up to the other girls.

"sorry, i'm at the mall with my friends. I'll head home now" you might be mad at him, but the fact that he's looking for you. like shit you'll waste this chance.

"what mall, i'll go pick you up. it's getting late"

"oh okay, xxx mall. i'll wait for you at the food court we always eat at when we come together"

"alright babe, just wait for me there then" he hangs up without realizing that those simple words gave you butterflies.

"heyy" you give him a smile as he opens the door of the passengers seat for you. rolling his eyes, "don't hey me, you ignored me all day"

"don't be mad, you ignore me too when you're out playing hooky. here i got you a pretzel" you forcefully place the pretzel on his hand as you get into the car "playing hooky? why are you ang-" taking the handle into your hand you pull shut the door before he could even answer.

"i'm not mad" you say once he gets into the car

"yeah sure, i know you are"

"what makes you so sure"

"y/n, i don't like pretzels" he waves it in front of you.

"ohh. right i got confused" taking the pretzel from his hand you bite into it, dumbfounded he blinks before asking "confused? who are you out eating pretzels with?"

you shrug, taking another bite as you try to hold you're laugh back. it was as if he had taken a blow to the stomach he looked offended and confused himself "give me that" he rips the pretzel from your hand as he decides to eat it.

"wait but you sai-"

"shut up" he starts the engine, driving home.

*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*

"are you still mad" he says as he tosses the keys onto the bowl. you both decided to eat at his place, while you tried to not laugh at his childish behavior. "no, are you mad?"

"no" he could say no but he looked mad. over a pretzel? "what?"

"nothing"

I don't know how to explain it, but as we looked at each other. Everything else was quiet, there was a tension. made me feel bubbly inside. even if he was still standing at the doorway while i was leading against the sofa we just stared at each other.

clearing his throat as he breaks eye contact he kicks his shoes off "you keep staring, do you want something"

shaking your head in reply before moving towards him slowly. you could hear yourself screaming inside but there was this feeling, and you wanted to take advantage of it. "y/n" he says as you grab his hands "sorry alright, i'll answer your messages" you tell him as you wrap his hands around you before you hug him. not pushing you away he holds onto you.

"lately i feel like everything bothers you"

you only shrug in response, "hey look at me" his hand makes its way under your chin as he lifts your head to look up at him "what"

"whats with you these days, you've been acting weird"

fuck. should i just do this. his lips are inches away from me....what if i ju-

you were pulled back into reality as his phone ranged. but he didn't pick up, his hands never leaving your sides, his eyes never leaving yours. you felt like your knees were going to give out at any minute due to his intense stare. the phone stops ringing, but it didn't end there. before you could even speak up it rings again.

seeing how you had something to say he grabs his phone looking at who was calling. letting you see the name clearly. and you knew it was her.

"you sure you don't want to answer?"

shaking his head he sticks the phone back into his back pocket after muting it. "i'll answer later, first i wanna know what's been bothering you lately. i feel like you're following me around" he chuckles but he was serious.

letting go off him you step back only to have him pull you back into his chest.

"why" is all he says before closing the gap between the two of you. your heart was beating fast and you wondered if he felt it too. "i'm just looking out for you"

"looking out for me?" he raises a brow in confusion

"you go around too much"

"go around?"

"you know what i mean"

what the fuck are you saying,,,,this isn't how it was suppose to be you feel like running away but he had you in his grip.

"you keep getting in my business these days cause you think i go around too much" he says with a sarcastic tone. " i just don't think you should play with people's feelings like that" fuck it if i'm talking might as well talk

letting go, he steps back "what? where is this coming from" of course he's confused. why wouldn't he be? you never cared about things like where he was or who he was with. you never even cared enough to go with him to see his friends or parties. you didn't meet his eyes after he spoke, scoffing at how you were acting he shakes his head "not that it concerns you but who ever i hook up with, isn't really your business"

"you guys are just fuck buddies, how is that healthy at all"

"it's called killing time, they know what they get into when they come to me" he sighs, brushing his hair back "why am i explaining myself to you?" turning around he walks to the bowl to grab his keys "wait" you rush to grab his arm

"what now?"

"if you're just doing it to kill time, then do it with me"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

index | next

[teddybeartoji]

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I'M HERE I'M FINALLLYY HEERE OH MY FUCKING GOD I'VE MISSED YOU AND YOUR WRITING SO MUCH I MIGHT BE ALREADY TEARING UP JUST AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF ACTUALLY BEING ABLE TO READ YOUR ART AGAINNNN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

the only disclaimer i feel the need to put is that... i am a bit sleepy and my head is hurting😭😭 but this is by no means me forcing myself to read it okay??!!!! i want to. i really fucking want to. i need to actually. i am not letting this fuckass headache take you away from mee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok i feel like i might be making more typos too buT I WANT TO FUCKING READ OKAY AND IWANT TO SHARE MY LOVE. and i also miss satoru:((( and when i miss satoru i always think about your works so yk... i missed you and your writings and your satoru and and and and am i already spitballing.................... anyway.

I REALLLLYYY REALLLY MISSS HIMM ACTUALLLYYY:(((((((((((( wahh already the idea of getting to just laze around with him in your shared home together is making me wanna cry:((((((( like of fucking course HE'S the one that's getting the iced tea for youuu😭😭😭 hE LOVES YOUUU😭😭😭😭😭😭

you stop. gaze fleeing from his own, slipping down to your lap. he thinks you look particularly small like this. curled up on his expensive couch, curling in on yourself; gnawing at your bottom lip.

:(((((((((((((((((((((((( oh i just know his heart sank just a little at the sight:(((((((((

he doesn't like it when you shut him out, like this, when you don’t allow him to soothe you.

WHEN YOU DON'T ALLOW HIM TO SOOOTHE YOUUU:((((((((((((((

your relationship has been a slow one — steady, a kind of settling in he never thought he’d experience. calm waves lapping along the edges of smooth sand, washing away tiny pebbles and handfuls of sea glass; delicately coming closer. getting him used to the sensation before gently urging him to take a dip.  that’s the kind of love you share. 

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BIG LOUD FUCKING WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CRYING LIKE A BABYYY WEEPING LIKE A CHILDDDD THE SLOW KIND OF LOVE!!!!!! THE KIND HE THOUGHT HE'D NEVER GET!!!!!!!!!!!! THE KIND HE DESERVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so it stings, a little, when you won’t let him return the favour. it stings in the same way his phantom scars itch on cold nights.

😐stop this madness ari let me catch my breath here alright damn

THE HAND SQUEEEEZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE i really wanna hold hands with him:((((((( this is kind of irrelevant but i really do i think he'd always try to swing your locked hands with the prettiest smile on his lips and he'd raise them to his lips every two minutes just to press a kiss to the back of your hand.

”baby…”  his voice takes on a fond tone, tender and patient. everything he strives to be, when it comes to you; you and you alone. ”c’mon. you can tell me anything.”  with a sense of delicacy, he takes your hands into his bigger ones. tucking them into his palms, bringing them into his own lap — meeting your meek eyes.  ”right?”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭SHALL WE DO ANOTHER FUCKING EMOJI COUNT OR WHATTT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭TENDER AND PATIENT. EVERYTHING HE STRIVES TO BE WHEN IT COMES TO YOU; YOU AND YOU ALONE. 😭😭😭😭😭

DIMPLESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

”i think i love you too much.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭���😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I'M TAKING THIS VERY FUCKING PERSONALLY YOU KNOW😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭WHAT THE FUCKK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUALL FUCKKK BUT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH TOOO MCUH SO FUCKING MUCH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

like a stack of cards blown over by the wind, satoru’s poker face crumbles. he fails to bite back the wide grin that breaks out across his lips, showing off the white of his teeth, and a soft bout of fresh laughter flows from out his lips.

THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I'VE HAD TO THREATEN YOU WITH PICS OF ME CRYING WELL I AM DOING IT AGAIN OKAY HE'S SO ANNOYING HE PROMISED NOT TO LAUGH AND HE'S LAUGHING AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE HIM AND I HATE HIM AND HE LIVES IN MY HEAD AND I HEAR HIM AND I WANNA SEE HIM AND AND AND AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHH YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO MEEE AND I LOVE YOU SO FUCKIING MUCHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK:((((((((((((((( he's such a little shit:((

satoru gives up. laughter reverberating throughout his entire body, deep and loud, from the very bottom of his gut — enough to have him clutching at his sides. that only makes you flush deeper, glare harder, and all he can think is that he wants to kiss you silly.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AND IT JUST KEEEPS GOINGGGG WDYMM "SWEETHEART" WDYM HE'S CALLING YOU SWEETHEARTTT ARIIII PLEAAASEEEE MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT I AM WEAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

you hide away, nuzzling further into his chest; your safe harbour. 

WHEN IS IT MY TURNNNNN WHEN DO I GET TO HIDE IN HIS CHESTTTTT PLEAAASEEEEE I JUST NEED TO DO IT ONCE TWICE A HUNDRED TIMES A THOUSAND A MILLION A BILLION I AM NEVER LEAVING I AM GLUING MYSELF TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

(this is another side not i guess but wasted summers by juju just started playing and idk if you remember but a while back we talked abt what songs remind us of satoru and i said that that very song reminds me of him and now i wanna cry even more)

his pulse trembles against you. when you strain your ears, you can hear the rhythmic thumping of his heartbeat, mingling with your own; still resounding in your ears. 

i love love LOVEEEEE the thought of heartbeats mingling with each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! something so inherently romantic abt it yk?

”i love you so much that it hurts.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭WHAAAAAAAAAAT TEH FUCKEHWT THE FCK WHAT HEFUCK😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

”i adore you, you have no idea.”

and i loove love LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEE THE WORD ADORE!!!!!!!!!!!! i think it's very... intimate. honestly in a way it's above the word love sometimes to me,, the word "adore" just feels like this overwhelming sense of fondness?????????????????????? does that make sense?????? okok i really might be getting a bit delirious i am sorry about that but ari i just need you to know that i do adore you okay?! always.

something frighteningly sincere. it makes you feel a little like you’ve been sliced open. it’s raw, it’s heavy and light and it’s love. it’s satoru — all his little inconsistencies, and the stability beneath it all. 

IT'S HEAVY AND LIGHT AND IT'S LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭CRYING AGAIN BUT IT'S WHATEVER😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

IT'S SATORU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gazing into his eyes, as if hypnotized by their glow, your own gleam with a mesmerizing shine. glazed over with something sweet and wonderful, something satoru wants to burn into his retinas so he never forgets it. he wishes he could wring it out of you and put it in his pocket — but it looks prettier behind your cornea.

i think the whole entire country of estonia just heard me sigh. but it was the super ultra longing yearning type of a sigh though. it's rarely anything else with you and honestly it kinda does make me mad. i really do get the reader bc like i think i love you too much too damn (armin also just came to say hi btw he loves you too much too i know bc he just sat so close to me so close that if i crane my neck i can give him a lil forehead kiss and i'll have you know that he doesn't usually sit this close he tends to go to the feet instead but... here he is now confessing his love to you with me)(he's trying to steal my spotlight😠)

SATORU THE LITTLE FUCKERRR OH COURSE HE'S GONNA TICKLE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when the familiar cling of your laughter finally spills past your lips, flowing into satoru’s ears, his smile blooms into a grin. big and happy, childish in its innocence — not even attempting to hide his joy. his own giggles melt into your soft wheezes and desperate pleas, as you struggle to break free, straining against the firm hold he has on your wrists.

you really do write so so beautifully you know? like you aaaaaaalways make me feel so warm inside (yes even when i'm crying i can multitask alright) you're always just so fucking loving and lovely and you shine so brightly through your words and you kind of remind me of honey like you're sweet and sticky and you go so well with tea and i love tea but most importantly i love tea with honey which means i am back to my point of me being in love with you damn funny how the world works huh??? thank you so much thank you thank you thank you

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP (AFFECTIONATE ARI I MEAN THAT IN THE MOST AFFECTIONATE WAY POSSIBLE) THE WHOLE "NOW WE CAN FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENED" + "OH I DUNNO ABOUT THAT" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I AM GIDDDYYY I FEEL FUCKING GIDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

endearment blooms, in the depths of his cerulean eyes. he watches you carefully, awfully amused — thinking to himself that he must be rubbing off on you. what a scary thought.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭WHAT A SCARY THOUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

”can’t you ever just let me win?” you mutter, breathing in his cologne and tugging at his shirt. pressed up against him, on his couch, safe and secure. right where you should be. he noses at your neck, pressing a little kiss against your pulsepoint. a quiet, quiet offering at the altar of your soul. ”nope,” he hums, smiling cheekily.  ”i love you too much for that.”

I DIE WITH EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE😭😭😭😭😭I MEAN I DIE WITH EVERY WORD YOU TYPE?????????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ADORE YOU I ADORE YOU I ADORE YOU HE IS SWEETER THAN ANY CANDY COULD EVER BE THE SUN COULD NEVER SHINE AS BRIGHT AS HIM THE BIRDS COULD NEVER SING THEIR LOVESONGS AS LOUDLY AS HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE LOVES AND HE LOVES AND HE LOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARIIIIIi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH IT'S RATHER HARD TO TYPE WHEN YOU'RE BAWLING YOUR EYES OUT BY THE WAYYYY IDK IF YOU HAVE CONSIDERED THATTTTT ARI MY LITTLE IRIS MY ANGEL MY LOVE I DON'T HAVE THE WORDS TO THANK YOU WITH I NEEDED THIS I REALLY FUCKING DID AND YOU JUST NEVER FUCKING DISAPPOINT DO YOU????????!!!!!!! YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!! ALWAYS WRITING THE MOST GORGEOUS MOST HEARTWARMING THINGS LIKE IT'S NOTHING HUHH????? I WILL GIFT YOU EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT YOU WANT ALL THE THINGS YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW TO DREAM ABOUT I LOVE YOU AND I THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I THANK YOU

you have done so much for me and i mean that dAMN I FINISH EVERY ONE OF THESE WITH A SAP STORY I CAN'T STOPPP I CAN'T CONTAIN IT OKAY I'M SORRYY I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope you are doing well and that you are taking care of yourself. i also hope that you are not rushing. anything; i hope you are taking your time. with everything. please eat well and please drink well. WATER. please sleep and please please please have fun. and smile. and look at the sun and look at the stars and look at the moon. they all love you. as do i. thank you so fucking much<3333333

i think your love would be too much ; satoru gojo

summary; satoru knows that you’re worried about something. he just doesn’t know what.

word count; 4.1k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, sickening amounts of fluff, (that’s literally all. that’s it. thank you for your time), you’re both down horrendous, the ”something” reader is worried about is very very silly <333, mostly satoru’s pov!!

a/n; i love this man so fucking much my chest hurts so i dug up the sappiest wip i could find in my drafts <333 you can tell i completely lost the plot halfway through but just pretend that i didn’t ok. i dedicate this to gojo nation :3

satoru feels your stare prickle at the back of his neck.

he’s rummaging through the fridge, one hand on his hip, grabbing two cans of iced tea from the bottom compartment. peach for him, lime for you. his infinity is down, the pads of his fingers meeting chilled aluminum, condensation licking at his skin.

but the goosebumps that sensation causes is nothing compared to the ones he gets from this — your stare digging into the back of his head, your attention aimed directly at him. when he turns around, closing the fridge with a bump of his hipbone, you freeze. like a deer caught in headlights. 

satoru grins.

”you checkin’ me out?”

”no,” you blurt, and his smile only grows.

”aw…” he waltzes across the room, from the kitchen island to the living room, fuzzy socks against the floorboards. ”what’s up, then? something on your mind?”

with a clink, he puts the cans of tea down on the coffee table. you murmur out a breath of thanks, but make no move to reach for either of them.

now that he’s close enough to see you properly — he thinks to himself that you do look a little ill at ease. something in the crease between your brows, shying away from the eye contact he wants. something in the way your voice comes out somewhat strained.

”it’s nothing… i just —” 

you stop. gaze fleeing from his own, slipping down to your lap. he thinks you look particularly small like this. curled up on his expensive couch, curling in on yourself; gnawing at your bottom lip.

”… i’m being dumb.”

he hums. tilting his head, taking you in — wasting no more than a mere moment before taking action. 

you feel him plop down next to you, a shift in the weight bearing down on his couch. comforting. when you glance up, he’s smiling, patient and light. hand sneakily slipping between the cracks of your own, squeezing your palm, running his thumb over the ridges of your knuckle.

”wanna tell me about it?”

from behind the black layer of glass obscuring your frame, satoru watches you intently. watches your expression shift, drinking in the twitch of your brows, how the colour of your eyes flickers in the light. the way your soul sulks and sputters under the weight of his all-seeing gaze. 

you part your lips. slowly, searching for the right words — only to close them again.

you try once more. hesitant. 

all you can manage is a frustrated huff.

”it’s nothing, honestly,” you’re quick to backtrack, wincing inwardly. ”i've just… been thinking. i guess.”

a hum. his smile doesn’t waver. ”about what?”

you avert your gaze. biting your lip, again, turning away from him; resting your chin on the heel of your palm. avoiding his stare like it could turn you to stone. he barely picks up on the words you murmur, flowing out beneath your breath.

”i... can't tell you.”

satoru raises a brow. 

a moment passes. two, three — the silence is telling. you can hear the discontentment in his voice, despite his attempts to mask it.

”why not?”

”i… haah.” you scoot away, just a little more, turning away so he can’t dissect your expression the way he’d like to. ”i just can’t, okay?”

silently, silently, he observes you. the little of you he can see, at the very least; fixating on the side of your face, your cheek, those fluttering eyelashes. as if it could tell him something. you can’t see the way his eyes narrow, behind his shades, black glass shielding you from the weight of his scrutiny.

satoru bites back a huff. 

curiosity and impatience aside, he feels offended. thoroughly so. he doesn't like it when you shut him out, like this, when you don’t allow him to soothe you.

your relationship has been a slow one — steady, a kind of settling in that he never thought he’d experience. calm waves lapping along the edges of smooth sand, washing away tiny pebbles and handfuls of sea glass; delicately coming closer. getting him used to the sensation before gently urging him to take a dip. 

that’s the kind of love you share. 

so it stings, a little, when you won’t let him return the favour. it stings in the same way his phantom scars itch on cold nights.

he knows opening up isn't easy. for you, for anyone, least of all for him — but he still finds himself feeling a little bit dejected. because he's supposed to be your safe space. the person you can trust with absolutely anything.

(if he can’t be that, for you, then what the hell is he even good for?)

he can’t help but feel the slightest tug of worry, too. seeing the tight line of your closed lips, that hardness of your expression. the unmistakable stress accumulating in the corners of your eyes.

but he doesn’t voice that worry. he simply gives your hand another squeeze, and smiles a little wider. ”try me.”

a sigh flows from your lips. 

”you don't get it, satoru.”

your voice has a bite to it, now, just a little harsh. something akin to a soft hiss — defensiveness, he ultimately settles on. but why?

”it’s —” you muster up a glance his way, the slightest little peek, before turning away again. blurting out the words on the tip of your tongue. ”it’s so fucking embarrassing. you’ll laugh.”

satoru blinks.

”… huh?”

”you’ll laugh, and you'll tease me, and — ” he feels your hand slip from his own, muffling a groan as it covers your face. ”i’ll never live it down.”

you’re hiding, squirming, and satoru’s curiosity increases at an alarming rate. he leans forward, trying to catch a glimpse of your face, but you don’t let him. 

now he’s nothing short of intrigued.

”i won't,” he says, simply. voice as clear as glass. you scoff into your hands.

”you will!”

”i promise you i won't laugh.”

”you always say that.” a sigh falls from your lips, deep and heavy, as your hands finally slip down to your lap. ”but you never mean it. you’ll laugh so much. i know you will.”

you bite down on your lip. he wants to cup your jaw and kiss you, mend the bruising with a swipe of his tongue — but he tactfully decides against it.

”it’s — it's so…” you trail off, fidgeting with your hands, nervously linking your fingers together. gazing down with a pout. ”so stupid.” 

”baby…”  his voice takes on a fond tone, tender and patient. everything he strives to be, when it comes to you; you and you alone. ”c’mon. you can tell me anything.” 

with a sense of delicacy, he takes your hands into his bigger ones. tucking them into his palms, bringing them into his own lap — meeting your meek eyes. 

”right?”

through the blue of his gaze, he watches you falter. watches your eyes soften, crumbling a little, as you silently weigh your options. you look flustered.

then you slowly part your lips.

”you’re gonna think i’m just joking, or whatever, but — but i mean it. i’m…” your throat bobs with a shallow gulp. ”i’m seriously worried.” 

satoru nods. ”i’ll take you seriously.”

you look up. all you’re met with is a reassuring smile, familiar dimples, the slightest hint of a kind blue behind his shades.

and you finally give in.

”i… i think i might —”

shifting and squirming, your gaze flits from spot to spot, hands still intertwined with his own. you’re caged in, forced to face him, and it only adds to your nervosity. his eyes never leave your face.

”i think… i…”

your voice comes out sounding tiny. gaze stuck to the couch beneath you, as your lips form around the right syllables, and you finally blurt out out the words you've been trying to keep at bay —

”i think i love you too much.”

…

silence.

you still refuse to meet his gaze. a red hue crawls up your neck, spreading to the tips of your ears, heartbeat pounding under your ribs. the sentence spills out of your lips like an arrow; so rushed he barely deciphers it in time.

before the silence can swallow you whole, you continue. trying not to stammer, holding back an embarrassed wince. pouting softly, brows furrowed as your clammy hands twitch anxiously against his own. ”like... to the point where… it isn't normal.”

and then you wait. with bated breath, too embarrassed to look up, bottom lip tensing and softening between your teeth. dreading the explosive reaction he’ll undoubtedly give you.

… except it doesn’t come.

he’s not saying a word. nothing. the silence is so deafening you could cut it in half, lingering, festering in the air around you. all you hear is your own stupid, erratic little heartbeat — refusing to settle down. 

a couple painful moments pass, before you physically can't take it anymore.

as slowly as you can muster, your gaze travels upwards — from his lap to his chest to his exposed collarbone, until his face finally enters your field of vision. you can’t resist the temptation.

(why is he being so quiet? satoru is never quiet.)

you meet his gaze. or what you think is his gaze, anyhow, because you can’t see the way his eyes are squeezed shut. what you do notice is the twitch of his lips, quivering ever so slightly, as if unsure of which direction to go — and you know one of satoru’s sharp teeth must be biting down hard to keep them in place. his shoulders are shaking, only barely, and he breathes out sharply through his nose; in a desperate attempt to keep his promise.

desperately struggling to maintain his composure. 

he makes the mistake of opening his eyes, and all that effort goes down the drain. met with the sight of your flushed face, wide eyes, shining with embarrassment and disbelief. 

like a stack of cards blown over by the wind, satoru’s poker face crumbles. he fails to bite back the wide grin that breaks out across his lips, showing off the white of his teeth, and a soft bout of fresh laughter flows from out his lips.

you gape at him. 

then your brows furrow, harshly, and you choke on a scoff. with a start, you’re scrambling to stand up, tugging your hands away from his. 

”see?” you hiss, almost tripping over your own two feet as you shoot up from the couch. ”i told you! you're laughing!”

you sound so embarrassed he thinks he might cry.

satoru gives up. laughter reverberating throughout his entire body, deep and loud, from the very bottom of his gut — enough to have him clutching at his sides. that only makes you flush deeper, glare harder, and all he can think is that he wants to kiss you silly.

”you promised!”

”i’m —” he chokes on a sharp wheeze, one hand reaching out to keep you from leaving. ”i’m sorry, baby, i —”

but he only ends up doubling over. sputtering with laughter, feeling the leather of the couch meet his cheek. you turn away sharply, and he pulls himself up again. ”wait — sweetheart —” 

a fond chuckle rumbles through his chest, his long arms circling around your waist and pulling you into his embrace. caging you in. you struggle helplessly, trying desperately to break free, but it’s useless — he’s the strongest for a reason.

all you can do is writhe and grumble under your breath, inhaling a familiar scent of vanilla and musk. the fabric softener he uses puts your senses hopelessly at ease, but he’s still laughing — so you can’t help but kick and struggle seamlessly.

”let me go, satoru!”

said man chokes on another little laugh, shoulders shaking, tucking you so close he can feel the pitter patter of your heartbeat against his stomach. you’re so upset with him. but he can’t stop, can't reel it back in, and every weak punch to his chest and muffled protest just makes his composure feel more out of reach. he tried his best. 

he really, really did. 

he tried so hard not to laugh.

(”i think i love you too much.”)

god. just what is he supposed to do with you, huh?

”i’m sorry,” he grins, almost entirely out of breath. ”’m not doing it on purpose, you're just —” 

a sudden fit of giggles. 

"you're so cute.”

”satoru, it’s — not funny,” you whine, practically burning up. every single sound he makes buzzes in your ear. ”i’m serious. i —”

you squeeze your eyes shut. giving in, finally, allowing yourself to melt into his arms. limbs losing their feistiness. he delights in the sensation.

”you don't get it.”

it’s a whisper, muffled against the fabric of his shirt, but he hears it nonetheless. deep breaths, he reminds himself. it’s hard to take such an adorable confession seriously, but he tries. for whatever reason, you genuinely sound troubled. 

”wait, so you —” he bites back an amused breath, but can’t hide the palpable smile in his voice. ”you love me… too much?”

a groan. you hide away, nuzzling further into his chest; your safe harbour. 

”… i told you it was embarrassing.”

”it’s not,” he’s quick to console you. ”i’m just confused.” his palm glides across the back of your head, smoothing down your tousled hair, a grounding weight. he pats your head softly. ”i mean…” 

a deep inhale. his heartbeat finally settles into a calm rhythm, slow and steady, lungs flooding with oxygen. he breathes out through his nose.

”is that really such a bad thing?”

”it is.” a frown finds its way onto your lips. your reply is instantaneous. ”i don’t think it’s normal. i’m just…”

satoru listens. patiently, feeling your fingers grip onto the edges of his shirt — comforting yourself with the soft fabric. then you sigh.

”i don’t know. i just can’t, like…” you grapple for the right word, moving your hands haphazardly, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. ”comprehend how much i love you.”

satoru bites back a smile. 

(his heart flutters, flutters, flutters, like cherry blossoms on a windy spring morning.)

before he has the chance to, you part your lips again; speaking in a soft voice. resigned, he thinks. ”it’s just weird. it’s not exactly bad, but —” 

you bite down on your lip. 

”... it’s scary.”

a soft coo buzzes in your ear. satoru can’t help but pull you closer, closer still, smothering you in the warmth of his embrace. conveying what he knows will be too much for you to hear in words — what he knows he couldn’t convey in the language that you speak. you feel warm, still burning up a bit. like a little firefly. 

he isn’t faring much better, though; a vague heat blooming under the skin of his nape. smiling so wide his cheeks are starting to hurt.

(what on earth did he do to deserve you?)

a firm jaw settles on the top of your head. satoru parts his glossy lips, voice flowing out somewhat breathlessly, affectionate as can be. 

”don’t you think i feel exactly the same about you?”

his pulse trembles against you. when you strain your ears, you can hear the rhythmic thumping of his heartbeat, mingling with your own; still resounding in your ears. 

”… i dunno.”

satoru’s hold around you tightens, ever so slightly. something in the way he cradles you, strong arms around your waist, a low hum accompanying the light squeeze of his limbs. he can’t see your face, from this angle, but his pupils still flicker downwards — hungry for a glimpse of your expression.

then he smiles. 

”i’m terrified of you, y’know?”

you blink. once, then twice, eyelids fluttering. a moment of silence passes.

”… huh?”

”beyond terrified, actually,” his smile builds into a grin. ”i’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it. no one scares me more than you do.”

satoru pulls away, just a little, just enough to finally get a good look at you. your eyes are brimming with confusion. a large palm goes to cradle your cheek, and he tilts his head — inhaling a breath.

”i love you so much that it hurts.”

…

a soft chuckle slips from out his lips, when he catches your flustered, wide-eyed stare. sneaking a hand towards the small of your back, leaning in to press a kiss against the apple of your cheek.

”i adore you,” he whispers, smooth syllables melting into a purr. you stiffen under his touch. his fingertips trace the lines of your jaw, lips trailing down to your neck, chaste and sweet as he nips at the sensitive skin. muttering under his breath. ”you have no idea.”

and you truly, truly don't. satoru doesn't think you even know the half of it. 

you can’t possibly know what you mean to him — that your very presence makes him forget who he is, what he has to be, a weight on his shoulders he grew used to long ago. you can’t possibly know that just the feeling of your hand in his makes the distance between you feel so inconsequential. 

you are the most precious thing in his life. he doesn't think you could ever understand the weight that sentiment carries — he wouldn't want you to. 

and here you are, so awfully worried, because you're too in love with him. he still can't help but grin. you’re so sweet, so silly. the words make him feel as if his heart is crumbling.

”… i can't believe you’re real sometimes.”

something tender rests under the whisper. something frighteningly sincere. it makes you feel a little like you’ve been sliced open. it’s raw, it’s heavy and light and it’s love. it’s satoru — all his little inconsistencies, and the stability beneath it all. 

and some part of you knows that he's telling the truth. that he understands your ridiculous little confession, your embarrassing worries. satoru understands. 

that alone is enough to quell the turmoil in your chest. 

(what he gives you is a love as boundless as the sky; one that covers everything you could ever be. unconditional.)

”so there’s no need to worry.” 

he pulls back, lips leaving your skin. you still feel their warmth linger. his shades have slipped down, barely hanging on to the bridge of his nose, and you can see the blue of his eyes. they’re shining like jewels, soft around the edges. consumed by love.

”there’s no way you could ever love me as much as i love you.”

gazing into his eyes, as if hypnotized by their glow, your own gleam with a mesmerizing shine. glazed over with something sweet and wonderful, something satoru wants to burn into his retinas so he never forgets it. he wishes he could wring it out of you and put it in his pocket — but it looks prettier behind your cornea.

he savours the moment, slowly, until it abruptly ends.

with a second of pause, your brows draw together, forming into an irritated furrow. lips tugging downwards into a frown. ”that’s not true.”

satoru blinks. still smiling. 

”i love you way more,” you huff. petulant, almost, something soft and amused in your tone. he thinks the sound fits you more than anything; unburdened and stubborn.

(as charming as you are, though — this is one battle he refuses to lose.)

”nu-uh,” he pokes the tip of your nose, delighting in the soft flutter of your blinking eyelashes. ”i love you more. sorry, sweetie.”

a huff. ”you don't.”

”i do.”

”you don't."

this time, you're the one reaching out, the pad of your finger landing on the tip of satoru’s nose — teasingly trailing up to the bridge of it. his heartbeat stutters, but he feigns nonchalance, raising an unimpressed brow; eyes unknowingly gleaming with mirth. 

and mischief.

you barely have time to react. one moment you're seated on satoru’s lap, the next you're looking up at him with your back against the couch. he towers over you, keeping your hands pinned above your head with a single palm. 

a familiar chill runs down your spine.

”i do,” he grins, free hand reaching towards you. recognizing the danger of a situation you've been in more times than you can count, you try to squirm away — but you don't get very far.

satoru’s fingers ghost over your sides, and panic floods your wide eyes. 

even though you know exactly what’s about to happen, a yelp pushes past your lips when he begins to tickle you. mercilessly, fingers trailing over your most sensitive spots. all you can do is squirm, trying your damnedest to bite back the bout of laughter crawling up your throat —

but apparently neither of you are very good at that.

when the familiar cling of your laughter finally spills past your lips, flowing into satoru’s ears, his smile blooms into a grin. big and happy, childish in its innocence — not even attempting to hide his joy. his own giggles melt into your soft wheezes and desperate pleas, as you struggle to break free, straining against the firm hold he has on your wrists.

”i love you way, way, way more,” he continues to tease, halting his movement just enough to let you catch your breath. ”it’s not even close.”

even as giggles breathlessly spill from your lips, you manage a shake of your head. ”no, you —”

”wrong answer.”

he cuts you off with a smirk, and the torture starts anew. you can't get the words out, caught in your throat and muffled by a loud squeak, followed by forced laughter. satoru watches, in pure adoration, waiting for the moment you finally relent. 

it doesn’t take long.

”f — fine, fine!”

he stills. eyes crinkled, shades barely hanging on to the bridge of his nose, fighting the urge to keep going. if only so he can hear your melodic giggles.

”can’t we —” you struggle to catch your breath, words stuck between bouts of leftover laughter. cheeks flushed and chest heaving. ”just call it a tie?”

satoru pauses. he drags it out, exaggerated, building up suspense. eyes narrowing playfully. ”hmmm…” 

then he smiles. a soft, resigned little thing. 

”alright, alright.” he leans forward, keeping you in place. ”that works, i guess.”

his lips meet yours. soft and glossy, tasting of cherries, exhaling a pleased sigh against your mouth. you’re still panting a little, but he doesn’t seem to mind. slow to pull away, with a drawn out mwah, grinning boyishly down at your disheveled state. he lets your wrists go free.

an unimpressed look is all you give him, quick to melt into a soft chuckle. 

”well, that’s that.” you push yourself up with your elbows, fixing your tousled hair. ”now we can forget this ever happened.”

satoru raises a brow. 

”oh, i dunno about that,” he purrs, voice ripe with mischief. a teasing glint flashes in his eyes, as he scrutinizes you, and it’s enough to have your face heating up again. the sight makes him coo. ”you love me so much you can't comprehend it, huh?”

you blink. it takes a moment for your expression to shift, from bafflement to embarrassment — but he thinks it’s all worth it when it does. barely restraining the urge to kiss you again.

”satoru…”

a giggle leaves his lips. reaching a hand out, he pinches your cheek. ”you’re cute.”

with a roll of your eyes, you swat him away; unable to bite back a smile. “quit it.”

”aw.”

he looks so smug. you can’t help but want to bite back, somehow — so you muster up your most shit-eating grin, a distinctly teasing lilt coating your sugar-sweet voice. 

”you love me so much that it hurts, huh?”

satoru blinks.

endearment blooms, in the depths of his cerulean eyes. he watches you carefully, awfully amused — thinking to himself that he must be rubbing off on you. what a scary thought.

”yeah,” he breathes, a sigh laced with sincerity. cupping your cheek with the palm of his hand, settling on the option he knows will fluster you most. ”i do.”

this time, you’re the one who blinks. once, twice, before letting out a groan — slumping against his broad frame. satoru chuckles, breathlessly, consumed by you; by every move you make. all six of his eyes aimed directly at you.

(if he gives you the sky, then what you give him is a love as steady as the ocean; one that’ll drown every bit of his sadness. unyielding.)

”can’t you ever just let me win?” you mutter, breathing in his cologne and tugging at his shirt. pressed up against him, on his couch, safe and secure. right where you should be.

he noses at your neck, pressing a little kiss against your pulsepoint. a quiet, quiet offering at the altar of your soul. ”nope,” he hums, smiling cheekily. 

”i love you too much for that.”

[dear-happypills]

been about 10

years since i have known i am broken.

been about 10 years since i have known i am a sinner.

but the problem isnt as much as i am broken, as actualizing that eternal blood has already been spilt for my perpetuating sins.

---

me: what have i done these past ten years... ...?

happypills: ummm,. is that even a question??!!!?

GO ON AWESOME ADVENTURES WITH ME.

me: .... you see, thats the problem.

happypills: ohhh jeeez. you think EVERYTHING is a problem.

me: yea, with you around me, thats not much hard to surmise...

happypills: you see thats the problem. talking like a douchebag wont get you any friends.

me: yea, well, calling someone "like a douchebag" is very unfeminist. its unbecoming.

happypills: .PWUhhH... i .... i dont understand how that is unfeminist.

me: you seeeee this is the problem. us doing this. more of these...... so called adventures........of... nonsensical.... dialogue.... ..... . *restraining tears

.... AND 10 years. A decade. a BIG roman numeral X.

ten years.

thats like.... longer than how long the show LOST ran for.

like.

we just... just

you,,,,, came. into my life.

and kinda,... .. fucked it all up.

happypills: OH BOI. Ohhhh hohoho boi. here we go againnnn. its alwaysss mmyyyy fault.

me: yeaaaa. really. it is. at least before i was a societal robot that got shit done.

noww... im just. i dont know.... you gave me the red-pill, and i see stuff. and this world just seems like.... BLEH.

happypills: nonono. i never gave you the red-pill. Morpheus would never approve.

me: -_-; shut up.

happypills: OH, so, ten years of devoting my time to you.... you think that was a waste?

me: no,.... i didnt say a waste... i just mean. like....

what have we done these past ten years???

happypills: FOR ONE. we did a hellllaa lot more than what the people in Lost did.

we have been. ... *starts chuckling

OHOhhoooo weee havee been to waaayyy stranger islands my friend....

me: ....... .... ,,,, i dont.......... understand

why God couldnt have sent me like...... a talking vitamin....

happypills: woww... WOW. that.... THat... that crosses the line.....

AND BESIDES. there was that one talking gummy bear vitamin that... just came.. barging in,... like, that one time we were playing pool.

he kept saying how hawt the blue gummy whale was......

me: ... HUHH.. oh yeaaaaaaa. .. . ..

yeaa. he was weird.

happypills: SEE.

me: okok. fine. then tell me. what you think we have done these past ten years.

happypills: AS I WAS SAYINGG.... FOR TWO.

you came to know thyself.

me: wow. .... ... Wow. i was hoping for something more like....

I DUNNO. get a phd. or become an executive. or buy a house.... .... over the PAST 10 YEARS.

and what. you say. i came to know myself?????>???????????????????????????????

the fuck....

happypills: ..... AND THREEEEEEE....

me: ... yea idonteven want to know...

happpyills: AHEEMMMMMMMMM<<< HEM. hem.

hem.

AND THREE. ..

be saved.

over, and over, and over again.

me: ...................i....................

i dunno. kind of seems like a half assed answer.... and you know what???? i actually still kinda feel like im drowning.

happypills: PWuh.

what is ten years when you might die tomorrow???

me: dont talk to me about dying.... ...you of all people know how often that is on my mind...

happypills: ohhh.... and, ... AND FOUR: we have been to

the Edge of the Universe. out ran the Pillsian Order. seen the Black Pyramid. been to Fractal Clouds.

i mean.... i mean. LIKE??????

been to the EDGE...... *motions mindblown.

and like...

GET A PHD vs go to Fractal Clouds??? * motions with both arms up and down, as to compare the two

me: ................................................................................ .......................................................

. okay. NGL. Fractal Clouds was awesome.

but shit, nonono.

i mean like....... okay. i wouldnt say im more proud of going to Fractal Clouds than compared to getting married and raising a kid......

over the past 10 years.

you KNOW???????

happypills: ..... ................. ... ... yea, well, as i was saying, what does that matter when you might die tomorrow.

me: OOOohhhh MY GAAAAAAWWWWWWWD. why am i even listening to you.

you were.... exPILLed from your own Order.

what was your title that they had for you again???? oh yea,

Bastard of Infeenidi...

happypills: *GASPPP ............. how.... how could you even BRING THAT UP? UGH. you PILLHOLE. crosssinG alooTT of LINES TODAY.

YOU WANNA THROW DOWN???

I DONT TALK ABOUT HOW YOUR TITLE IS "UNEXCEPTIONAL -- LONER LOSER" AND HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT JERK OFF ........

THE PAST 10 YEARS.

me: ............................................................................... okay. to be fair, i do not accept any formal delegations, or titles, or commands -- what have you -- set by the Order as ... an authority to what actually is.... i believe they were the one that arbitrarily gave me that title??? right???

..

but ahem. * mumbles fair point on the jerking off part.

happypills: -_-;;;;;;;

me: ................................................ *SIGHS

.................................... 10 year bro..............................

........................... *SIGHS

happypills: WELL.........

..... i think, when you live today as your last day, every day. for the past 10 years.

...

then every single day of those past 10 years...

is simply amazing.

considering.. we have been to

the Edge of the Universe. out ran the Pillsian Order. seen the Black Pyramid. been to Fractal Clouds.

and........... ............. are still alive. and not...... expired....

.

thats.

.

i think thats an awesome 10 years of coming to terms with death and living another day. after such 10 years.

. and beyond...

... until you one day dipthepilloutta here...

.... YOU KNOW?

me: .....................

yea.... iknnow.

happypills: and who knows? maybe one day, ill also expire as well... ......... and you could stop blaming me for all your problems....

me: -_-;;;;

oh jeez. dontsaythat............

.....................

... ill be blaming you even after youre long gone.

happypills: UGH....... i hate you. i pilling hate you. Chemistry curse you! PILL YOU.

me: lol.

- happypills

[ghosty1111]

DID people need to be given free wigs bc holyyyy shitttt everyone wants drastically different hair styles and colors IM TRYING TO GROW OUT MY HAIR MAN LET ME HAVE THIS

[cornflowercanine]

the mspa wiki;

you guys, anyway; haha funny tall clown 8oy >w<!!! him and meulin are in love haha :) just a guy!!!!

[fritz-npc]

Oikawa nd Iwaizumi

Isit just me, or do people in the Haikyuu fandom make their relationship really fucked up...

Fanon wise, Oikawa is really dumb and says stupid shit and is a complete asshole, bullying people no matter who they are and also just being... Well. Inept. Not only that, they make Oikawa act like a 5 year old that whines all the time... HE IS A TEENAGER/YOUNG ADULT. While Iwaizumi is extraordinarily mean to Oikawa to the point where its not even occasional light punches to the side, its just... Literal abuse.

For example, usually every fanon writing I seen with the two of them is something like this ; Oikawa let out a whine "Iwa channnnnn, Matsu kun said something mean againnnn" He pouted, crossing his arms as he kicked his feet. "Ugh shittykawa just shut the fuck up! You're so annoying!" The spiky haired teen said, punching Oikawa in the side as he let out a tsk "owwww!!! Iwa chan! So mean!"

Just- JUST DONT.

JUST LOOK INTO THEIR CHARACTER MORE, PAY ATTENTION GO HOW THEY REACT TO CERTIAN THINGS, HOW THEY ADAPT TO THINGS. STOP FOCUSING ON ONE THING.

Canon wise, Oikawa is kind of an asshole yeah, but he is amazingly smart and talented and he is proud of what he does. He is a strong worker that will never give up. He Is kind and reliable, which is why he is both the Capitan and the main setter when it comes to volleyball. "He brings the best out of his teammates" - Kageyama

Literally understood all of that from only watching the anime. AND THATS NOT EVEN MOST OF MY PARAGRAPH DONE.

Just please, if you're going to write a character, or more importantly, a character duo, try and understand their dynamic.

[m0mmyxsuckyxsucky2]

Omg I'm sorry i request too much but i rlly love ur work an as u can see I'm a simp for Mettaton so PLEASE can i request oneshot with Mettaton where the reader know how to sing and play the guitar and they sing on Mettaton's show without him knowing so it's like a surprise ( the song is Why'd you only call me when you're high by Miley Cyrus ) and if you could also show us what happens after the reader is done singing like what Mettaton thinks after. Thanks and sorry againnnn <33

(Mettaton x singer! Guitarist! Reader)

Listen here, never ever be guilty when requesting😾 and you’re welcome, you can request again if you want to ofc :)

I’m gonna be real honest, This was hard. Especially when I had to study for up coming tests, but I still did it ;D

I’m sorry if this came out late! I was really busy

Enjoy^^

Today’s aesthetic is gonna be purple!

You sang the lyrics, while playing your guitar. As mettaton was dramatically posing. he was battling frisk, not paying attention to your voice in the background. Of course, you understood that. But The longer he didn’t realize it was your voice, the faster you got irritated. You wanted his attention, and right now too. But you also wanted to make his battle with frisk special, so special that he wouldn’t ever forget it. Particularly your voice.

The battle was tense, frisk was giving mettaton more views but The reason also was because of your voice and the way you play your guitar. It is ...quite fascinating actually.

Then suddenly You smiled. Just smiling at the silly memories you and mettaton made. It always gave you a boost when singing. After all, mettaton was your idol. Why wouldn’t he be inspiring?

The battle was getting closer to its end, Now That made you anxious. How will mettaton react? Will he be mad that you interfered with his show? Will he break up with you..?

The last part made you shiver, no it can’t be. He would never break up for that.. right? You stopped singing and took a few breaths before continuing. The crowd were clapping and most of them were singing with you! You were amazed by how supportive they were.

The battle was about to end, while you said the last few lyrics. The closer it was, the more you got anxious. Mettaton lost his arms and his legs were getting looser and looser. ‘This is it. It’s time..’ you made yourself mentally ready.

At this moment the song ended, and mettaton both lost his arms and legs. His battery is about to literally die. so you took the opportunity to run to him and Hug him tightly. (You were lucky enough that your guitar wasn’t damaged when you let it fall)

The hug it self was really emotional, but when he rested his head on your shoulder to initiate a hug, made you shed a few silent tears.

“Your voice was beautiful, d-darling” mettaton said out blue. Which made your cheeks warm up “uh, surprise..?” You let out your goofy smile just as you stopped hugging him. “See you in alphys lab” you waved bye to him. “Of course darling..” he shut off.

I’m sorry that this came out late! As I’ve said I was really busy studying.

Also tumblr decided to crash and delete half of the things I wrote, so that’s why it’s so short. (Not me getting really mad about that)

You can request about mettaton again or any other undertale characters! :)

(If I made any grammar errors or misspellings, just ignore those because I’m sleepy as heck)

P.s my country is in lockdown so I’m free the whole week, request if you want to!

[miekasa]

🧃anon againnnn ! thinking about my levi elementary school teacher au because it is CUTE but .. i underestimated the power of HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER au ..

levi teaching math or something because. levi WOULD teach the thing everyone hates .. but also be damn good at it 😌 anyway yes. oc is probably a creative writing teacher (it’s specific but this is My Vision especially because cw is so open ended and math is structured)

oc, levi, science teacher hange, and principal erwin (i will never not believe in principal erwin tbh) are all buds from school. erwin used to teach history until he leveled up... and the students kinda love that they’re buds it’s just so funny when they catch hange bothering levi to death or oc stealing erwin’s organic granola bars out of his hand when she’s walking by as he supervises lunch

but ?? does mr. ackerman like ms. (oc) ?? the student body says YES and fun fact sasha and connie are the ones who noticed first .. it’s weird- shes practically mr. ackerman’s opposite, but the SIGNS are THERE

it’s oddly specific shit too .. yeah mr ackerman covered for her being late one morning .. he had a planning period, though, he was free, they’re friends- that’s not weird. but connie, sasha, jean, and armin all saw WITH THEIR OWN EYES .. mr ackerman cleaning up her desk area? mr ackerman presenting her with a coffee AND the breakfast pastry she likes when she came in?? MR ACKERMAN GIVING?? A SMALL SMILE?? it’s SUS and even armin wont shut up about it. then the time when her smart board wasn’t working, the tech guy was busy, and levi came in to fix it... he has a habit of coming to help her often, come to think of it... and bringing her things she needs/treats...

sasha: ACTS OF SERVICE IS A VALID, REAL LOVE LANGUAGE, JEAN

jean, who didn’t believe it at first: HES JUST HELPING HER, PEOPLE CAN HELP EACH OTHER WITHOUT BEING IN LOVE

armin: you just like ms. (oc), jean

hange, who is listening in to the conversation while they work on their lab: :))))

and then of course a few times they’ve walked into work together? they CARPOOL. they borrow each other’s things (even though levi WILL glare and tell her to get her own stapler if she dares to come in during a class) and whY do they talk to each other in the doorway of levi’s classroom before school starts? eren SWEARS he heard mr. ackerman laugh at something she said once. and mikasa was there, she heard it

cue hange (all the students call them hange as well 😌) lowkey spreading rumors .. to STUDENTS ..

“hange, how was your morning?”

“not bad! i carpooled with mr. ackerman and ms. (oc) but he made me pay for my own breakfast :(( oc never has to do that :((“

like PLEASE don’t tell students those things .. and oc is ACTUALLY oblivious if it’s brought up... meanwhile levi promises to kill hange if one of his students DARES to bring up anything

the students are split tho- are they secretly together or do they like each other? .. it becomes an actual argument between connie and sasha.

(TEAM DATING: connie, eren, jean)

(TEAM CRUSHING: sasha, armin, mikasa)

.. if only they knew mr. ackerman and ms. (oc) are roommates .. as FRIENDS 😌

this is A Mess it’s super long i am SO sorry

- 🧃 anon

AHHHHH I LOVE ALL OF THIS MY DEAR!! THIS IS SO SO SO CUTE!! You had me so invested AND THEN THEY WERE ROOMMATES?? THEY WERE ROOMMATES!! 

Levi and acts of service is so good... so warm... so sweet without explicitly saying it... so tender without a single word spoken. Also I fucking DIED at Erwin’s organic granola bars 😭😭 I love the Whole Foods dad Erwin agenda!! Even more fitting that he’s the principal, and Hange is the gossipy teacher of the bunch, nearly spilling all of their info and spurring on the gossip between the students because that’s SO Hange, you know that they LIVE for that shit, and hearing all the speculations from the kids

Them being roommates is honestly the best part of this oh my god you don’t even know... the implications of that anon... your MIND!! To not only have this silent pining and confession of love through acts of service in the work place, but for Levi to actively live with her and STILL not say anything... no wonder the kids are gossiping about them, I’d be equally as invested if they were my teachers LMAOO

[alias-b]

Idk if you're done this already but you did it for your other couples, can we get a nsfw alphabet for Billy and Evie? Pretty pretty please💘

Oh my gosh!! You’re right, I haven’t done one for them!! Well let’s fix that right now, shall we?? And I’ll try to make it different from the Billy/Cam one but Billy is still Billy lol Okay! So here goes.

Dirty Alphabet for Billy Hargrove and Evie Fenny! My lovely plus size oc xoxo Thank you so much for asking!! 📌💝🍓💝

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

   Evie isn’t used to being touched so abrasively and Billy is the overstimulation king!! She might get a little shy in the lazy post-sex haze as everything sets in, but they’ll sorta of curl into each other and cling bc they’re both super overwhelmed and unable to look at each other sometimes.

   She tries to hold Billy a lot and it takes him some getting used to bc he’s conditioned to sexual and violent touch only. Billy is a Super Tease and will run his fingertips and mouth over her skin bc his girl is Extra Sensitive and he loves the way she whines and shivers and squirms. Chances are he’ll try to initiate another round.😘

   After being together a bit, it’ll be easier to deal with all the emotions and spoon afterward tho! Evie will start to cover his face, neck, and chest in kisses and he’ll mirror it until they’re twisting together and curling up to sleep. Stage five clingers.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

   Evie’s been caught staring at Billy’s muscled thighs....a lot. So LOWKEY them. She loooooooves to straddle his big hard thigh and maybe ride it during make outs. He’s all encouragement. Also his hands are to DIE for and his sensitive neck. Prime kissy places for Evie to ravish him and it always catches him off guard.

   Billy actually has trouble choosing as he gets to know her body, he loves to just look at her and run his hands along all her soft curves and make her feel like a goddess bc she deserves it. As much as he loves being flashed, Billy is a hips/ass guy. Loves to grab her and dig his fingers into her skin and position her however he likes. Loves to also rest his cheek on her inner thigh when he’s teasing as they’re lying together. Also likes to spank and pinch her tushy anytime he likes. Esp in public she she gets all squealy and red in the cheeks.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

   Billy is so gross. We’ll start there.

   Boy will cum on her tits and lick it off and massage her flesh and gather it to make her suck it off his fingers too. He’ll eat her out after coming inside her and let her p much spit into his mouth after she blows him.

He does not give a Fuck. Also seeing his cum leak out of her when she’s all fucked out and wet and puffy...that’s hot. He will cum on anything and he wants to blow his load on her tits so bad. He also doesn’t like to wash his hands after fingering her and will spend time after just licking his digits clean. He grOSS.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

  Evie thinks about Billy fucking her in public places a lot when they’re out and about and she will NEVER admit to how much she thinks about sex with him even in their early days when they quarreled lol

   Billy doesn’t keep a lot of dirty secrets bc he’s just gonna tell Evie his every depraved thought. But!! He wants to make nasty porn with her so bad. Photos esp so he can keep her in a little box in his dresser maybe with something she wore once that was lacy. He wants pics of her in lingerie. Naked. Spread. Fucked. Every which way. The boy will pay for it.

   ***Also.....he has a couple explicit fantasies he doesn’t share.... One having to do with just gross “i caught you, now I get to fuck you as hard as I want” sex between them. Another and the bigger one...I think he fantasized once about her pegging him.....and being dominating him super hard by Evie. He wants to be bratty af and have her to step on him basically.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

   Billy has Mucho Experience. Almost too much to the point of he has to work harder to figure out what Evie likes and get out of his head lmao Evie has had a few past relationships and she likes sex and is getting more comfortable with it so there isn’t a huge difference!!

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

   Billy likes to be on top bc he’s such a show off. He doesn’t know this about Evie yet but....she also wants to be on top bc she’s a control freak. So that’ll be funny when they actually get down to bizness. But, I think Billy later learns quick that watching her ride him is so hot. Gripping her hips and bucking to meet her and sitting up to bit her neck or suck titty. Ooohh, he’ll adore it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

   They laugh a lot!! In heated moments of emotion, they’ll go quiet and serious, but Billy and Evie both like to have fun during sex. They like to joke and roll around. Billy is a pornstar who NEVER shuts up so he’s spinning dirty lines and she’ll roast him for it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

   Carpet and drapes match! Billy is expertly groomed and trimmed nicely. He looked pretty and golden and immaculate down there. Annoying. Evie actually does some trimming and what not to look cleaner down there, but she’s hairier than him and he doesn’t mind! They’re both all about hygiene and perfumes and lotions and oils so they’re p fresh all the time. Although, I’m p sure Evie will complain when she blows him and tastes his cologne and tells him to ease up on that lmao

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

   Billy is superrr into body worship which just gives Evie crazy whiplash. He takes time to marvel at her and appreciate her and she’s NOT used to that and gets super blushy and almost can’t look at him. Being a bigger girl, she’s still on that self comfort journey and he’s happy to assist! He’s super grabby and touchy and they both are all about kissing everywhereee.

   On Evie’s end, she gets so soft with him and he’s overwhelmed a lot by that. Her kissing his wrists and cheeks and holding him. Massaging him and running her fingers down his back. Billy really needs time to get used to it and she’s fine with that.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

   Hell yeah. They actually love to watch each other get off. Phone sex was the tip of the iceberg. Although, Billy does say that if he had it his way, she wouldn’t get herself off and instead she’d come to him and let him make her come when she wants it. Possessive boi.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

   It startles her at first, but Evie looooves when Billy picks her up and drags her all over the bed. She didn’t think he could and he took that as a dare to heart and he lifts more and she feels his muscles BULGE and loves it. Watching him work out super turns her on and they usually end up having gross sex before he can finish if she’s there to watch. Which Billy loves being watched by her xx He’s gonna eat her out on that weight bench too, mark my words.

   He also, as mentioned before, has a Super praise kink. He’s goal is to make Evie louder in bed. He wants her to talk too & maybe order him around a bit. He loves being on his knees, pushing her skirt up, holding her thighs in place before he starts to teasingly eat her while she still as her panties on. Also bonus points if they’re being sexual and teasy in a public or semi public spot.

   Also Billy wants to fuck her tits so bad. I said it sorta before, but I’m saying it againnnn.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

   Billy: Anywhere. Literally anywhere. I don’t give a Fuck. 💦

   Evie gets more adventurous with him, but she likes just being in an empty house so they can be loud. Lowkey, I think Billy enjoys the thrill of someone being home bc it’s cute watching Evie try to be quiet while he pleasures her. He might help her out by stuffing his fingers in her mouth *wink wink*

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

   Billy is always revved up tbh. Seeing Evie do anything, he can make it sexual. It’s the Brain Sex Rot. Evie starts to feel it in the air if he keeps just looking intently at her. They eye fuck a lot.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

   Evie is okay with being held down but no like ropes or anything. Neither will be spanked by belts. Hands only. Billy will never hit her in the face too and she wouldn’t be into that either. Also Evie’s never ever gonna be into food play, it’d make her wildly uncomfortable.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

   Billy already rubbing his hands together planning his tongue’s assault on Evie’s clit. He is shamelessly and proudly into giving oral and will spend all the time he needs down there making her his. Billy’s “get what he wants move” usually starts with kissing up her thigh and then some. 👅 Finally, for him, he wants Evie to sit on his face so bad, it’ll take some time to get there tho

   Evie mentioned this, but she actually really likes to give skilled head. They both are hair pullers so that works too. xx Evie wants to hold his hips and kiss his pretty thighs and let him fuck her mouth against something. Billy’s so sweet to about it, always making sure she’s comfortable, praising her, and kissing her after with tongue.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

  I think this just depends on the mood!! More likely to be fast and rough. When they get slow and sensual, emotions spike and overwhelm and sometimes that’s just too much to handle.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

   Evie isn’t the biggest fan of quickies bc she likes to be able to relax and clean up properly afterward. Billy disagrees bc he’s a dirty little dick pig and he’ll take her to pound town any hour of the day. 💞

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

   Oh, they deffo will take risks and experiment!! They’re young and horny and super into each other. Go raw.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

   Billy has some wild stamina that Evie doesn’t always match. With his coaxing and encouragement, she might be able to go a couple rounds. But, I think Evie wants like crazy foreplay and then one amazing sex round and then cuddling. Whereas Billy can have his insatiable nights and try to work a couple climaxes out of her. However he wont push and this works out fine bc they can also wake each other up with sex during the night too!! 😉

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

   Evie and Heather deffo bought toys together and used them and called each other after like “girl hfjhkejr!!!” lmao. Billy prefers to just be the toy himself bc of his Boy Pride. I think Spencers will be a fav store of my teens when Starcourt opens....... But, Billy would like to use toys on Evie like he’s performing an exorcism and I mentioned this but......someone peg this bratty boy.....

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

   Billy Hargrove is such a shit. He’s constantly trying to tease is pretty plush gf, but I think he underestimates how hard she can match him so they’ll end the night tearing each other up.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

   Evie always tries not to make too much sound, until Billy makes it his mission to stop all of that. He’s pornographically loud and longs for Evie to match that. If he can get her to cry out while she’s holding back...that makes him V Happy.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

   Evie likes lingerie and cute matching undergarments even if no one sees it. She likes feeling the lace under her clothes and that naughty thrill like she has a secret. She’s a big girl and she dresses for HERSELF. Also, I’ve done this before.....leaving lipstick kisses on Billy’s clothing and skin. He does not try to wash it off lmao he adores being marked by his gf. Lastly, Billy is totally a biter and he wants to sink his teeth into her chest and ass so bad.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

   Imma just leave this here bc Billy is mad fat and he knows it and he walks around like he is so everyone else knows it.

   Evie’s so shy at first with him, bc he looks like Apollo and he hasn’t been with a big girl and she has boobs and tummy and thighs and love handles and she gets worried about angles but Billy is so keen to touch her, that a lot of her fears melt away.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

   Big Huge. They’re nasty. Evie is not exempt from this bc she is as bad as him even if she pretends like she isn’t. Girls can be dick pigs too just as much as boys and she is NOT that stereotype fat girls often get being a super shy virgin type.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

   Unless they’ve been going a long time, they both actually stay up for a bit after. ((I think they both just have sleep issues anyways.)) Either spooning or talking or getting up to finish the day lol but they really enjoy lying there together and fighting to stay awake so they can chat and enjoy each other’s company before falling asleep all cozy and secure. That’s what they really get out of each other is security. 💘💘💘 

**This was so much fun!!! And I’m always happy to take horny asks or requests for Billy & Evie. You never know what I can put into the fic or what I can make a smutty one shot out of. Thank you!!!

[renaxwrites]

just dance || midoriya izuku

Pairing | Midoriya x F! reader

Genre | fluff

Summary | finally going to game night with class 1-a turned out better than you expected

a/n: hey y’all! it’s broccoli boy’s birthday today, and he’s the most wholesome character on this planet 🥺 he has a special place in my heart! one of my friends introduced me to the bnha anime, and gifted me a midoriya funko pop, along with a izuku, shoot, and bakugo keychains (even tho I lost a bet lol.) he was the first character to get me sucked into this endless hole of anime, and I will forever treasure him 😌 hope you enjoy <3

warnings: some cussing from explosion boy

“Come onnnn y/n!! Can’t your studying wait for one night?”

It was the 1-a girls’ turn to host game night this week. They’re trying (and failing so far) to convince you to come this time. You’ve always put it off to study, to maintain your top spot in studies. How would this be any different with finals coming up?

“You know, it’s literally been scientifically proven that you need to take a break once in a while. Please, we won’t ask you for anything ever againnnn!” Uruaka was practically begging.

You don’t know whether to feel surprise or defeat as Uruaka hits you with this scientific fact. Knowing you’d have to go, you heave a sigh and push back your chair. “Oh what the heck, why not.”

The girls cheer and drag you over to the living room, where you’re met with large booms of bass and light melodies from popular songs.

Once the class was gathered, the girls go up and announce their game. “This week, we’re having a Just Dance tournament! With the new one released, we decided it’s only right to see who has the best moves. May the best dancer win!”

The rules were that the pairs had to be boy versus girl. The two class presidents would keep score for their consecutive teams.

While plowing through the brackets, there were many surprises. The girls were undefeated with the kpop songs (due to many late-night tiktok sessions), and some of the boys managed to score higher points. For instance: Bakugo versus Mina. Fancy by Twice.

He crushed her score.

“FUCK YEAH!” Katsuki screeched, as Mina sunk to her knees in disbelief.

“But that was my anthem!! I’ve never felt so betrayed!!”

He still rubbed it in, “Well, as the great BlackPink said...HOW YOU LIKE THAT”

You double over, along with the rest of your classmates. “Bakugo Katsuki, are you...a kpop stan?!”

“SHUT UP!! I hear you making your stupid videos all night how do I not know them by now!! SHUT IT KAMINARI OR I’LL MAKE YOU”

Once everyone contained themselves, the next pair was up. You versus...

“Midoriya, it’s your turn!”

Oh. Shit.

It had to be him. Not that you hated him, it was the exact opposite. You’ve had a crush on him for a while, and everyone knew it. Except him, apparently.

You both take your respected sides with your remotes. You close your eyes and mindlessly scroll, letting fate decide the battle.

You stop, and the girls scream. “We’ve got this in the bag! We’ve done SO many tiktoks with this one you BETTER not mess this up!”

You open your eyes to Boy With Luv by BTS. Jesus, couldn’t have been better timing with your crush. Thanks a lot, fate.

The song goes on, and you’re already crushing it. The longer it plays, the more into it you got. You kept sneaking glances at the broccoli boy beside you. Although he couldn’t find rhythm for his life, you commended him for his effort.

Little did you know he was constantly getting distracted by the way you moved.

The song ends, you chalking up another point for the girls. You’re congratulated by the girls, only to be tapped on the shoulder by your opponent.

“You did really great, y/n-San. Way better than me, anyway,” he laughed with slight embarrassment.

Katsuki creeps up and slaps him across his head. “We could’ve won if you were so love stuck and staring at her, dumbass! They got another point, stupid Deku!”

Silence.

Not knowing how to respond, you just say, “Huh?”

Katsuki looks between you two, cursing at letting it slip. He angrily drags you two to another room, then slams the door while he leaves. “Figure it out, extras!”

There’s a few seconds of awkward silence before you break the ice. “So...is it true?”

Midoriya looks up from the ground, meeting your eyes. Then bows deeply. “I’m sorry! I’ve liked you for a while, but I didn’t want you to find out...” he continues to ramble.

As he went on, you knew you were going to have to be the one to initiate what was coming.

You didn’t want to scare neither you or him, so you felt only brave enough to grasp his hands. Silently intertwining your fingers, he looks up to find you with an endearing look on your face.

You embrace him. He in turn enveloped you in his arms, surrounding you with his sweet scent, and the warmth you’ve been yearning for. Nothing else needed to be said.

[moonstone27ls]

Ducktales finale spoilers

You’ve been warneddddddddd

Warning

Warning you againnnn

Sooo Ducktales will be ending soon my thoughts? Not as sad as when compared to Rise of the TMNT, Venture Bros, Brooklyn 99 (though it had a good run considering), Drunk History, Dark Crystal Age of Resistance. Though there are rumors Darkwing Duck is gonna be rebooted.... uhh maybe excited? I'd say maybe becauseeeee again its on a streaming service... and no for anyone's future question don't have Disney+ and have no intention of getting it why? Cause I'm broke/on a budget and I can't buy every stupid streaming service for the sake of a few shows.

But I'm getting off topic the show in general... sorta sad but sorta not. I'll be honest some eps of Ducktales in the last season didn't fit well with me. Some felt uhh very cliche/or readable, some felt kid dumb (but its a kids show so you're gonna get a few of those more than once), some felt like they were uhh if I had to compare like when you'd watch Adventure Time and you'd be "WTF was that one for". I wouldn't say dark you're just "that one felt random". Sometimes thats not bad but heh depends on the taste.

There are a few things disappointed we didn't get to see one Donald & Della's ACTUAL parents interacting with their children, GRANDCHILDREN. Don't get me wrong their interactions with Scrooge was nice but we barely got one ep with family that WASN'T him. You'd think given what dangerous work they were involved with we'd see a flashback or actual talk of their parents talking to them. Especially with Della being a single mother oO. Kinda feel it slightly unrealistic that they'd just sit and do nothing (and no there's no sign they're dead so they should be around) when their daughter disappeared into space. I mean maybe it'd been nice to see a few eps of past Donald getting advice from his mother Hortense how to raise the triplets. Heck would have like to see Hortense & Matilda's relationship.

Second the triplets father would had been nice oO. Yes he does have a father. All these fan ships but no one actually wondering "hey who's the boys father?".

  Third would had been nice to see more of Violet's family life. I mean whats the point of giving her "dads" if they never have a role beyond background character. Heck would had been nice to see a day of Violet and Lena's life with their fathers. Yes probably to the viewers it probably would had been boring but whatever 8B.

Four uhh I dunno explore space more? Maybe actually see some of Moon's home. I'll be honest that episode of "Moonlander on Earth" ep always bugged me. While I could believe some of the moon aliens wanted to stay on earth. I'm not convinced an entire planet thought Earth was so amazing they'd just stay there forever. People are fickle things, I can believe some wanted to stay like a vacation. But I feel at some point some, like Penny wanted to just go home. And I always found it... disturbing that no one attempted to really listen (no I don't count Webby cause that was written more of an experience lesson than "oh I miss home"). I mean the McDucks have all the money in the world, thats how Scrooge spent almost all his fortune finding Della. I'm just not convinced Scrooge and them thought "Hey we got extra rockets if they wanna go home we'll let them". No it was "oh they'll never get home, lets not bothering asking or giving them those extra resources. I think the show MISSED a good opportunity to let Penny go home (as well as others). And since Fenton or Gyro are often considered so smart they couldn't make a special teleport device JUST for them or ways to keep communicating with the moon. Thus meaning they could have explored space. And while some might argue "yes we needed Penny for the finale" (minor spoiler). She didn't DO anything she and Goldie were mostly used for cameo purposes. Sooo wasted use there.

Hmm anything else....  would have LIKED to seen more eps with Gandra/Fenton but hey if that Darkwing Duck spinoff is a thing maybeeee Gizmoduck will make special appearances and Gandra/Fenton can double date with Morgana & Drake(yes I wanted her to make an appearance I liked her goth look). Uhhh I don't think we ever got a Selene & Della interaction. (So far no eps were really... well friendship stuff. I mean I got a small fraction (if that) with Gods on the Block ep but it was near the literal END)

Also wish we could had more from the old show cameos Kit/Molly, Rescue Rangers, Goofy... pft plus I'll be honest before the show ended would had loved an actual cameo of Goofy, Mickey & Donald just alll together. Pfttt omg I would had loved a Max & Roxanne cameo date/wedding (yes I shipped them).  Haha more interactions would had been fun. And while I enjoyed the Talespin sorta crossover... could had more (and yes sorta ship Kit/Della. heh sorta more of a crackship haha). And lets be honest that Molly cameo was wasted potential. I mean would had been cool to see Baloo & Becky. Though I understand to a degree why we didn't. At least with Baloo.  But ahh well what can you do.

  And same with Daisy and Donald buttttt gonna take some of the finale as something. I'm just gonna say it left enough for my imagination to think "they're having a happily ever after soon". Uhh another minor spoiler with Ludwig revealed not to be dead (which I'm glad)... just disappointed he wasn't in the credits or given more interactions with Scrooge. Yeah I know they weren't BEST friends or anything but I dunno I do associate them as friends.

Anything else... uhhh would had been nice to see more of Boyd and Doofus family moments too. I mean I dunno consideringgggg that life probably was better for Doofus' parents now that they had an ACTUAL loving child. Be nice to have seen more scenes. I mean heck that last ep with Doofus... uhh jumping? I assume it meant Doofus had closure and accepted his fate? So I dunno would had been good to see him and Boyd bond more. Heck I'd like to have seen his parents' telling Gyro in finale (yes minor spoiler) take care of "our" son.

Nowww onto the finale gonna put spoilers soo warning here.... as for the finale it was... good. I'm not gonna say "Oh it was the best everrrrrrrr". Nah it was pretty good given their budget or whatever. Yeah some felt rushed and all those cameos while I appreciate the thought felt wasted potential. I mean I get why budget/timing etc. Just saying you know could had some Goldie/Scrooge moments, more Lena & Violet, Webby friendship stuff. I mean heck when they were all "released" (and judging by that cube system) there was a lot we don't really see where they go or how the Ducktales group got everyone where they originally belonged.

What did I think of Webby's so called surprise... uhh mixed. Bigger picture wise kinda explained that need to be so clingy. To a degree I sorta agree with the split fans I like it and I don't like it. But I get it the writers NEEDED something for shock value cause lets face it they ran everything else. I say a part of me didn't like it cause I was kinda hoping this version would show us Webby's real parents. And I'm not fully convinced that photo was just a fake or some random relatives Beakley took to shut her up. 

I think she sounded genuine when she said "I missed a lot". I admit when the whole "oh she's made from FOWL" was becoming obvious. I thought Beakley was subtly hinting that her daughter made Webby. I dunno could see that happening seeing that this whole ep was hinting at adults who did NOT think of their actions effects (yeap Scrooge, Della's choice to go on that rocket, Bradford's granny traumatizing the dummy), I thought "Ohh sooo she felt neglect and rebelled or fell for the enemy". But anyways yeah I still think Beakley probably DID have a daughter. Where is she? I dunno, thats kinda the whole point. Either she died or like Donald did with Scrooge, broke away from her family. I really believe whatever the reason, her daughter's gone from her life and Beakley deeply regrets she wasn't a more attentive mother. She probably to a degree saw Webby as her second chance to do better by her.

Hmmm lets see anything else.... as dark as it was with what Bradford did... not really shocked. And while he was obviously a villain I think his background did prove a point. But I could be thinking of Dean Venture and Dr Venture's childhood. Not every kid is built or for that matter wants an adventure life. Bradford was a product of his well intentional but neglectful family. Had the triplets or Donald not wanted this life that could had been them. Thankfully it wasn't 8B.

I admit the part with the villians at the end was quiet surprising. Not because they turned him into a bird pft. But because technically they saved Scrooge but heh I get it, chalk it up to either "they don't like to be used" or "Bradford was so terrible he was beneath even their level". Just somewhat made me wish Magica could have found Poe or something (I liked his design and voice actor). 

 And super glad we didn't really lose a lot of villains. I dunno I wanted Phantom Blot & Pepper to escape, fight another day stuff. And I kinda think to a degree thats why we saw that dumbed-down clone of Bradford. He's gone but that clone could get "smarted" up to stir more trouble 8B. Maybe I dunno.

Heh but all in all I enjoyed this finale. Its was wayyyy better than Star and Tangled's finale, no flippin' drama :P. I mean I suppose you could call Donald & Daisy leaving drama? but no not really cause literally none of this bothered me. The credits kinda gave me that nostalgia of how this show got so much attention. So while it was rushed maybe and it had its flaws. All in all it kept up with the heart. Soo I enjoyed the credits a lot good way to say goodbye

(just putting that gif there cause I liked it 8B)

Anything else....KEITH FREAKING DAVID, another reason to give this finale a point best flipping part I’m just sad I have no gif to use XD

[bucky-iss-bae]

Reminiscences - Peter Hale x OFC (Part 2)

Hello againnnn - so I’m finally back, finally going to be active. 

My life has been a mess, I’ve not been motivated, and mentally I’ve gone through a lot the last 10 months, got thorugh University, Graduated, got a job, was a shit job, got another grad job during quarentine, and it’s been good and bad... 

Sorry for never posting and being bad at this, but I want to bounce back, so now its timmmeee. Also this Fic is actually completed. 

Want to post more, and just give you guys good content xoxo 

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Pairing: Peter Hale x OFC (Calla)

Word Count: 2900 (Sorryyy, idk why it’s so long) 

Warnings: None - Slow Start I guess

Summary: Calla has grown up as Derek’s best friend, she’s known the Hales her whole life,she’s known their secrets and everything in Beacon Hills. Things in Beacon Hills are quiet, the pack are a family, and Calla realises that Peter knows more of her secrets than she realises.

A/N: Hope you all enjoy, any feedback is welcome x

Masterlist Fandom List

Peter Hale x OFC - Reminiscenes Part 1 

Part 2 

The days following that evening I completely ignored Peter. I saw him whenever he was lurking around Derek’s, I even went to the efforts of walking the complete opposite direction as him when I went grocery shopping. But if he remembers, everything every single thing I told him. Then I may as well die now. Especially since he’ll use that against me. This is Peter we’re on about.

“So you’ve apparently been ignoring Peter?” Derek asked once he settled onto my couch on Thursday.

I rolled my eyes, “And. There’s nothing wrong with that, he’s a psycho”

Derek huffed out a laugh, “There is when it makes him mopey. He comes around to mine in hope that you’re there you know”  

“Well, maybe he should stop trying to be such a stalker” I told his nephew. It was weird that there was such a large but short age difference between Peter and us. He wasn’t ever seen as the adult when we were younger, he had a boyish smirk, he had charm, and wit, and was so different compared to how he is now. He completely changed because of the fire, and the 5 years of solitude almost. He grew up, yet I didn’t see this change despite being the only person visiting him. I didn’t know he was the alpha yet I made a fool out of myself by being there for him, and he couldn’t even trust me.

“You sure it’s that?” Derek asked.

“Derek. If you’re here to talk about Peter then you can just leave. Actually no you can’t you don’t have an option, stop talking about Peter, tonight is about us. If you want I’ll send him a text saying hi later and then ignore him”

Derek shook his head a small smirk on his face. I felt a bit bad that I was taking Derek away from his boyfriend. But I needed my best friend sometimes as well.

“Good, now how are things with Stiles going?”

Derek huffed out a laugh, “They’re going well. Really well actually, never really thought that I would end up with him, but it’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. And I sound like a soppy teenager. So let’s talk about your love life”

I snorted, “Right, what love life? Actually, I went on a date last week, it was a complete failure. I’m just glad that the girls who set me up with him don’t work in the same department as him”  

Derek started to laugh, “How comes I didn’t know about this?”

“Because I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t even... it wasn’t even a big deal for me. I wasn’t excited, I just wanted to get it over and done with, and the worst thing is when I was getting into my car at the end of the night he tried to kiss me. And Derek I still cringe, what happened was I turned my head so fast he kissed my hair. Completely missed the cheek”

This caused Derek to laugh, loudly, at me. “Wow Calla. Who would’ve thought huh?” He asked.

I rolled my eyes at him, “Shut up. It was a mess, so I rather not talk about that. Instead, I’m going to set up a tinder profile.”

Derek still had this amused smirk on his face, it was nice seeing him like this. For the first time in years, he was happy. His life was on track, sure there were constant threats to the town, but that happens, that’s part of the job description of being a werewolf, and with Derek being a complete shifter, it makes a difference.

But being with Stiles makes a difference, you can literally see the way that he looks at him, and I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time. He’s almost that young cocky guy he once was, but a more matured version who has a history to him. Who has so much more to himself than ever before, and I’m proud of him. Proud of everything he’s gone through and defeated. I know his mom, and sister would also be proud of him, whether he’s an alpha or not, he’s still so powerful, and has such a good heart.

“Let’s get started then” He grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes and rather than Pizza we ordered Chinese food, and rather than watching a film we created a tinder profile for me. It was terrible, Derek called in the big guns and Stiles was on Face time with us, which made it even worse for me. But I didn’t mind, I love stiles, and boy let me tell you he added spice to my basic profile. And obviously gave my pictures a yes or no.

“I’ve helped you guys this far, let me help with the swiping” Stiles said through the phone.

I scoffed at him, “Derek say bye to your man he’s helped enough”

Derek shook his head with a small smile on his face, “You heard the boss” He said to him.

“All that help, you better show me your matches or who you’ve spoken to over the next few days Calla. I’ll know if you don’t”

I laughed at him and Derek soon hung up, “Come on, let’s see who’s around then”

Both Derek and I started swipping through these guys, commenting to each other, and swiping left or right. Mainly left. Let’s be honest. Most of these guys either looked like guys who were balding too early in life, or others who were after a quick fuck. Despite everything I did manage to swipe right a few times.

“Please let’s stop now. Like, if you think I’m going actually going to find anyone through tinder its... not likely. It’s just a bit of fun, could lead to a quick lay”

“The same way Stiles and I getting together wasn’t likely”

I grinned at him “I should’ve called it. When you constantly wanted to get mad at him, way back when, and you just couldn’t. But that itself feels like years ago”

“Yeah, the same way my uncle spared your life?” Derek said back.

I glared at him and hit his arm, “I hate you, and I’m pretty sure your uncle is a sociopath”

“Yeah. Same but, let’s be real here. He has a soft spot for you Calla”

“Derek, I will stab you if you don’t shut up.”

“I would love to see you try”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “I will call Argent right now and get him to help me out”

He laughed, “Alright, I’ll shut up now. I’m sorry”

I nodded, “You better be sorry... Also why do you keep bringing up your uncle of all people to me?” I asked curiously.

Derek knows nothing of what I done whilst he was away, he knows nothing of the feelings I once harboured for Peter, maybe I still do which is why I’m so defensive, but no one needs to know this. But still, there’s got to be a reason behind Derek’s madness right now. Maybe Peter wormed his way into his head? It’s a possibility.

“You just said you wanted me to shut up”

I shrugged, “Just curious. Then you can shut up, and we can watch something”

He shook his head, “The way he acts around you I guess. He’s a prick towards everyone, including you don’t get me wrong, but he’s a different type of prick round you. And he cares about you, he gets protective, worries, cares”

I would be lying if I said that didn’t affect me, but it does. Although it means nothing.

“Derek, are you forgetting that I was basically raised around him. Wherever you were, he was, or the other way around. Like he’s been a constant figure in my life for a very long time. Sure he wasn’t mobile for a few of those years. But he was still in Beacon Hills. So maybe that’s why, maybe he has something that slightly resembles feelings from when he’s younger and he sees me as the kid that he used to teach basketball to, and just putting this out there I am amazing at basketball, which has got to be the meaning behind this madness, and this is because of him, and maybe a little you, but still”

“Really? We live in this town, and that’s what you call madness?” He asked.

“Yes Derek. That is madness, you’re forgetting I’m just a human girl who only just knows how to defend herself and I rather have that as my type of madness instead of anything else”

“How have you actually been?” He asked me giving me a serious look, “Like... you’ve literally been thrown into this world again, months after your parents passed away, and sure that was a couple of years ago, but you rarely see your younger brother because he’s working abroad, and the only other family you have is us. But most weekends we’re off fighting something supernatural, and you’re just at the loft, waiting.”

I shrugged, “I’m fine Derek. I’m happy... sure I miss my parents a lot and that set me back a lot. That made me want to constantly curl up into a ball and just cry. But having you back, having this normal-ish again. These last few months, I’ve gotten better. Ive also got my girls” I said with a smile, but he looked at me, waiting for me to elaborate causing me to sigh and twist my body completely towards him,

“Derek, I’m working an amazing Job, sure it doesn’t pay the best but I don’t need the money. I have money, instead I’m doing something I enjoy, and they’re easy shifts. I’ve always wanted to be an elementary teacher, but without the stress so a teaching assistant is the best thing. And I have Fridays off, and I do talk to my brother. Just not as often as I want because he’s doing so well for himself in London. And I have you Derek, I have my life long best friend. After everything we’ve been through we’re both here and we’re both happy. Sure my life could be further along than it currently is, but I’m finally in a good place”

He nodded at me, “Good” He whispered, “I’m happy to hear that”

“I hate you” I said shaking my head, but in reality he knows that I love him and he is my absolute best friend no matter how much I want to kill him.  

**

Apparently Lydia and Malia found it amusing that I now have an online dating profile. Everyone did, all aside from one person. That person I’m still avoiding but he still finds a way to worm his way into my life, especially since I’m currently sat with the girls, who are judging each and every guy whose photo I scroll through, and his face pops up.

Malia was laughing, seeing her father’s face on my phone, and Lydia finding it as amusing made me realise I need more friends other than Derek my age. Especially since Lydia decided on swiping right.

“Well, well, it’s a match” Lydia laughed, “But it makes me think, whats the maximum age you’re hitting here”

I rolled my eyes with a small scoff, trying to keep my heartbeat in place, “Well, if I wanted to talk to him. I would, yet I’m not, and you just swiped for me, that’s not fair, and guy my age are… I don’t know” I said to them.

“Well he clearly wants to talk to you” Lydia murmured.

I scoffed, “He wants to get under my skin. It’s what he does. Anyway don’t you girls have I don’t know other stuff to do?” I asked trying to change the subject.

“Nope, completely free tonight.” Lydia grinned.

I internally groaned but only seconds later was I literally saved by the bell, my phone started to ring, and Derek’s name popped up.

“Hello” I answered.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“I’m at Lydia’s place. With Lydia and Malia. Why?”

“No reason. Just, a few threats about, tell me when you’re going to leave to get home, and message me when you get there alright”

I rolled my eyes but had a small smile on my face, “Yes of course Derek. Do you know who or what it is?”

“Not sure yet. Probably isn’t something too dangerous. But whatever it is, they’re drawing other hunters to town. And now we have twice as much to look out for.”

“Stay safe then Derek. Does Chris know the hunters?”

“He’s looking into it”

I nodded, “Alright then. Just make sure you’re all safe and everything ok”

“Yeah always. Remember to message me when you get home” He then hung up and I looked at Lydia,

“What’s happened?” She asked me,

“Something else is out there, along with some hunters. And now I’m worried that these hunters will obviously know about our boys, and one thing will lead to another and someone might get hurt”

She had a worried expression on her face before looking at Malia who was on the phone to Scott, “We’ll figure it out. We always do”

I nodded, although I didn’t get involved as much considering I’m human with no special ability at all, and no badge, and well I’m not the smartest of the bunch. I just make sure everyone’s safe and worry about them all whilst making sure they eat and do their homework. That’s obviously the teacher side of me coming out there, no matter what ages I teach even if I am only a teaching assistant who works 4 days a week.  

“So Scott just said that Stiles and Chris are trying to find out who the hunters actually are, and that he Derek and Peter are going to find whatever’s out there. He told me to stay here...”

“You’re not are you?” Lydia asked.

Malia smirked and shook her head, “Nope. And I’m pretty sure you two won’t either, so who’s going to drop me off at Scott’s house?”

Both Lydia and I looked at each other before sighing and getting up, we got our stuff together, she called out to her mom telling her that we were going to Scott’s before we all left.

**

“What are you all doing here?” Scott asked once we walked in.

“You think we’re really going to let all the boys have the fun?” Malia asked her boyfriend, “And come on, I know those woods better than anything” She shrugged.

No one could deny that, both her and Chris were the best hunters here. As in being able to physically find something with the given clues.

“And I’m here to assist Stiles and Chris apparently” Lydia shrugged, everyone easily let that pass before all eyes were on me.

“I thought I told you to go home. It’s dangerous”

I shrugged, “I know. I really didn’t have any other choice” I said nodding my head towards Malia.

“Well you should just go home then. You’ll just be in the way otherwise” Peter snapped at me.

I rose my eyebrows at him, silently cursing Lydia for swiping right on his stupid face.

“I might just stay, make sure you don’t snake anyone out” I spat back to him.

“What and you think you’ll be able to stop me?”

“Peter won’t do anything, we’re not even sure what the problem is at the moment. So just go home Calla” Derek told me.

I felt a bit taken back at how blunt and rude he was at that, and considering no one decided on saying anything, I just grabbed my bag and left without a word. Because hey there’s nothing new there, being treated like I’m nothing despite seeing everyone as family. I would’ve expected a bit more considering they’ve got literal kids in there helping yet I can’t. Even if it is to make sure they’re all safe and not making stupid plans. I was there when Talia was alpha, I know how things work. Instead I just get embarrassed surrounded by my friends, and left to feel worthless because I’m of no help.

As soon as I got in my car, I knew that all I needed right now was a glass of wine, and some trash TV.

Which is exactly what I done when I got home, wine, some trash TV, and the comfort of my own apartment. And as petty as I may sound, I just hate feeling this way, and knowing that it’s something that constantly happens, I don’t see why I get involved in the first place. It’s the same old thing, I try and be there for everyone, they shut me out whenever shit goes down and I just keep running back. But no this isn’t going to keep happening because this week I will make the time and effort to go out with my girlfriends. I’ll dress up and have fun without worrying about anything else. Derek won’t be there to stop me, Peter won’t be there with his snarky remarks, and I won’t be surrounded by teenagers.

Which is exactly why I messaged my friends that I’m always talking to yet never have the time to see because I’m constantly with everyone else. We spoke for a little while before I asked when everyone was free for drinks, and guess what this girl is doing on Thursday after work. A night out, with my girls, and I can’t wait.  

Because I really felt in the mood to treat myself, I also planned on going shopping with one of the girls tomorrow after work. So no harm done there, I’ll buy myself a new outfit, some new makeup all ready for Thursday.

Peter Hale x OFC - Reminiscences Part 3 

[fireflythecinnamonjollyrancher]

it’s time for ~a year in review~

JANUARY

ya bitch went to paris and became like good, like REALLY good friends with my current roommates!!! we got to see some really beautiful sights, do some STRANGE things like watch a french indie movie and get fucked up at a french gay party club in the basement of our hostel. i apparently shaved my head again (per the use lets be real)

FEBRUARY

accidentally started my Com capstone like a total moron but took it like a mf champ. got to party at a friends place and watch all of “dont hug me im scared”. made a friend try a grap for the first time (he was a sophomore in college). studied a lot with kelli -- and by studying i mean we mostly bullied each other. WENT TO SEE WATSKY with a super dope friend (sad we fell out of touch but she’s living her best life and im happy for her). also like got to meet george watsky uhm WHAT wild. bullied my college in the snow and also manically shoveled the walk. was a bootlicker for the college and dressed in a taco suit

MARCH

WOOF i got pretty fucked up for capstones cast party and this is where the beginning of the end was for some of my friendships. however, other friendships were being built so im grateful for that. ran lights for a really awesome slam poet. FOUND THE KEY THAT WAS MISSING FROM THE THEATRE (turns out it was Sab whoops). spent a lot of time with someone who is no longer a friend -- her choice, certainly not mine. went home for spring break and took so many pictures of my cat. got selected as stage manager for comedy of errors which was a nightmare of a production but certainly not the worst.

APRIL

became a vegetarian!!!! joined/started the flat earth cult because of comedy. helped randi film her weird videos, which was so much fun! the bat came back to the theatre and Basil and I both saw them. comedy of errors opened and it was intense and i really hated every second. ranted about being in a scene for directing, which means i’d been in it for a second. that shit sucked bros oh my god????? he was never on time, he was so disorganized and didn’t understand his own character. organized a dinner for the cast because they had missed a campus dinner for the show. celebrated my best friends birthday!!!! “I can read!” was on the news with two others for comedy. also presented my capstone research for academic showcase day (i still can’t believe people listened to me rant about birth order)

MAY

more videos! this one was zak bagel bites with again my best friends. was elected president for APO and i couldn’t be more grateful. did a research proposal with a friend and i cannot BELIEVE we’re still friends after it because we really could have killed each other. physically fought the MONSTER that is jess (didn’t actually, really should have). helped two friends fall in love on accident/purpose. was elected as KPY president (damn) and forcibly elected as parliamentarian for LPH. ended my junior year. started work immediately after going home for my dad. mostly answered phones, worked 7:30-5 every day for the whole summer yikes. managed to pass junior year with a 4.0!!!

JUNE

 learned a lil how to quote and did NOT enjoy it. went to PRIDE with my wife and bought my first ace flag. it was actually petrifying to buy and wear, but i have one now which is awesome. holy shit got my first tattoo!!! it has faded a bit now but still looked awesome. it was the beginning of an addiction. picked up an internship at my old theatre company and... deeply regretted it as it pushed my 12 hour days to almost 18 hours. literally fell in love with the music director. 

JULY

a random woman complimented me??? so that was fun. watched after my old band directors kids (they were a nightmare i literally never want kids). got to hike and do all that fun stuff. went to the local county fair

AUGUST

my mom admitted to loving brooke more than me on her birthday (fair). got a card from my office team to celebrate my 21st a lil early. went back for SENIOR YEAR BOYS. got drunk at an old friends place. did marching band. moved in with two of my BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. took improv with friends which was lit. we even did a whole performance. met a new friend! my other roommate brought in a new kitten (which became a whole thing holy shit). used school sanctioned ipads to dick around. shaved my head againnnn. was sober at a party (woof why). got the drunkest i have ever been and puked everywhere and passed out on the stairs. have not ever reached that level again. also cracked my phone. fully assumed position as president of two clubs. started rhetoric (yucky) and theatre and diversity (also ick but for different reasons)

SEPTEMBER

became NOT sober literally the next day nice. started the MASH group i think??? which is like the only thing im proud of. it was around here. had to pick up a friend whos car broke down. went to pride in a local town with friends!!! that was fun. turned 21!! couldn’t celebrate bc school and stage management, but my two roommates still made sure i had a good time. marching band boys! we did a LONG ASS parade with my cute lil section. did mixers for KPY and APO! had our first football game. held a band rehearsal in the dark because the lights didn’t work which was funny and SO weird. walked to the trains with some really awesome friends. broke into the cemetery and stole a traffic cone and put it on a statue on campus bc mania. went to a friends musical career takeoff and ran her merch table bc the person who was supposed to run it showed up almost an hour late. someone showed up at the lib while i was closing with a friend asking for a place to stay. i hope hes good now. tried omegle again for whatever reason. tried to go to a local diner and was DENIED bc they went from 24 hours to closing at 10pm so i had a mental breakdown in my car at 2am in a McDonalds parking lot. FINALLY got to celebrate my birthday and go to the bars!!! well bar singular. but had a really good time even if those people aren’t really my friends any more

OCTOBER

homecoming boysssss!!!! also ace pride. worked the WORST thing I have ever had to operate in the chapel but the people were nice about it so i was kinda okay. also got to be a part of the dopest percussion show and ran lights and sound for it. rhetoric ended thank christ and i never want to talk about anti-war messages in MASH ever again. finally learned that my best friend has a partner and was ECSTATIC. worked a haunted house which literally sucked so hard but we made bank on it so im okay with it. were robbed (i still have suspicions who did it but ill keep my mouth shut). dressed up as a newsie for halloween, and my roommates and i all took pictures which was awesome. started my internship and movement and stage

NOVEMBER

LAST FOOTBALL GAME got drunk too often probably lol. got an impulse tattoo with my roommates. went to a soccer game. went to the trains drunk and also olive garden. did trauma training so i got to act hysterical (act?). did some KPY bonding. had a hella long saturday with a concert and everything. shot my shot and MISSED. did greek thanksgiving. played DD for someones birthday bc expired license. got my NEW license. had a horrible time driving to and from thanksgiving break. got to hang with my WIFE

DECEMBER

made it home somehow?? did box office for the children’s show as well as publicity which was a lot of work tbh. went on a double date with my roommates and their partner. did the filming for the college christmas card. had an awesome party at our place and i regret nothing. celebrated the moving out of our 4th roommate. worked my last gig at the museum. managed to scrape by again with a 4.0. threw a great party at my place for like 5 days straight (jesus christ). did a horrible puzzle. tried an edible (suffered for it). hiked in the mountains a lil. caught up with high school friends by drinking which was AWESOME. saw Frozen 2. went out with my fam bam. had a great christmas. also threw a new years party (what??? that just got over) and felt like a pretty good hostess (i just provided alcohol lol but it worked) and got to catch up with some great great awesome friends and keep people safe and off the roads for new years. 

all in all a damn good year. its crazy how quickly things change, but im grateful for the place that i am in. can’t wait to graduate this year and see what happens next!!!

[white-manz-whore]

sunday august 25th, 2019

i know and understand that brandon is cancelled. but i still get flustered when i am around him ugh

i saw carl today! i have had this entire plan to ask him all these questions but I never got the chance to. I first saw him while I was doing go backs (returning products customers decide they don’t want). I was hoping to see Avery while doing this but NOTHING. anyways, I only talked to carl for like 20 seconds because he was working and I was working so yeah.

Anyways when I went on lunch I was hoping to see carl in the break room but he wasn’t there. as I was panning the room I fuckiNG SAW BRANDON SITTING IN THE CORNER EATING ALONE.. BITCH MY JAW LITERALLY FUCKING DROPPED. MY MOUTH OPENED. I was so fucking shoooook. I fully expected him to be out eating with his friends awifujwlfijhil. after I walked in he noticed me and quickly looked away. while I was sitting down I pulled a Nina and took a picture. its really bad because I was hella nervous and could barely hold my phone oops. the back of his head is cute oops.

not long after I sat down he got his stuff and left. 

after I finished eating I left the break room to go outside and look for carl at his usual smoking spot. nothing. so I decided to go to my car and charge my phone while I call my friend. we only talked for a few minutes because the poor soul was busy. anyways as I go out to leave my car STARTS BEEPING AT ME. LOUD ASFUCKKK. the alarm was going off and I had to idea how to make it stoppp. I shut my door. I unlocked the door. I locked the door. I pushed the alarm button on my key fob. I turned off and on my lights lmao. I TURNED ON MY CAR AND NOTHING. it eventually stopped on its own. I was so stressed and nervous I had no idea if anyone was around bc that shit was hella embarrassing. I stayed in my car for like another minute beaucse I was spooked and if there was someone around I didn’t want them to see me get out of my car oops. I also had no idea why the heck it did that.

when I first got the car I remember reading in the owners manual that there's a security system set in place in which the alarm will go off if it things that you have locked your car, walked off, and accidentally left your key fob in it. thats what I assumed happened? I don’t know to be honest. in the moment I thought that i would never find a solution for it to stop because I felt like I tried everything and it wouldn't shut off. my mind went to the worst place (as it does) and I thought it was just never going to stop going off and my battery would drain and I would be stranded at Walmart. that reminds me, I need to put jumper cables in my trunk in case anything ever does happen. *knock on wood*

after all that I was still stressed and embarrassed but it was getting hot in my car so I was like “its time to dip”. after I opened the door THAT BITCH STARTED BEEPING AGAINNNN. honestly at this point I had no idea what to do. I thought that I should just get out the car or throw my key fob out the window so that it doesn’t think I left it inside. I kept locking and unlocking my car so that it realized that I was still in the fricken car and that bitch wouldn’t shut off. this time I had the door open and like jiggled the ignition and I think that turned it off. I don’t know honestly. it may have just turned off on its own again. im still mad at my car for this. my black Tesla would NEVER do me like that.

after it shut off the second time I finally left my car. as I was walking out there was a car passing by, I look up and a guy winked at me (ew). and as I continued walking he conitnued to look at me while he was driving. then he made a left turn to park in the lot and he was STILL looking at me. I make a face at him bc that shit annoys me oops. I did not want to be outside when that guy got out of his car so I started speed walking towards the entrance.

this is where I notice carl having a smoke and Brandon sitting down on the ground next to him while they talk. they were in carls OTHER smoking place UGHGUHSIHEIRGHU. and they have a CLEARRRRR ASSSS VIEW OF MY CAR. I don’t know if they saw me walk to my car / walk from my car / STRUGGLE TO TURN OFF MY CAR ALARM. at this point im embarrassed as fuck and ready to run away and hide. I was fucking pacing around walmart as I always do when im stressed. 

I then saw them both go into the break room area. I wait like one minute and then decide to go inside. Carl being carl asks how I am. we enter the actual break room area and talk for a bit. Brandon was outside in the little hallway thing, but he did walk into the break room for a few seconds while I was talking to carl.

i told him how I saw him outside a few minutes ago and that I struggled to turn off my car alarm. he told me “oh that was you?”. anyways I explained to him what happened and how I have no idea why the heck it went off or how to turn it off. he told me I should probably look at the owners manual to get more info on that  in case it ever happens in the future. we talk a bit more until he tells me that he has to get back to work.

so I walk him out to the little hallway area and expect Brandon to be long gone because we were talking for a while. but I found him there eating a granola bar looking cute as heck ):. I caught him off guard and he looked all shy and cute im annoyed. he smiled at me ):. carl mentioned how a few people in cap 2 got employee of the month (him and Brandon included) so theres a photo posted on the wall. I should take a picture of that and send it to y'all. when carl told me this Brandon ACTUALLY spoke in my presence for the first time in a hot minute. I think all he said was “yeahhh” while holding both his arms up pointing towards the photo. once again, he was acting cute as heck IM ANNOYED.

this is the best stock photo I could find. Brandon did something similar but obviously not as creepy looking. and he was facing the photo and not me. and his arms weren’t bent like that. honestly I'm just trying to get y'all to picture how it all went down because I don’t know how to describe things in words.

when my lunch was over I saw Avery with a friend. I discovered that today is his day off. he was looking fine as heck as per usual ugh. I'm starting to think that he isn’t a full time worker because I swear I don’t think he works 5 days a week.

i later saw brandon at self check. I never made eye contact with him and I never caught him staring. but he was very obviously just looking around for me to look at him if that makes sense. along the outside of self checkout theres a lot of chips and candies and he was just looking at that. and then he went to look inside one of those cooler things with sodas/energy drinks in it. and then he looked at the fucking Pokemon card things that are also near self check out. after he made a circle around self checkout looking at all that, he walked out the door and left without buying anything. during this time he didn’t look or smile at me unlike how he was two hours before that when I saw him on lunch. and this goes back to me mentioning how one moment he seems interested and the next he doesn’t.

so the last time I saw him today was when he got off work. I don’t know what he bought but he went to the register across from me. I thought he was going to say hi to me, and he might have if I didn’t have a customer. thats what he did the last time ):. so before this even happened I told the cashier he went to how I embarassed myself on my lunch today (car alarm thing). she told me that I shouldn’t be embarrassed and how she’s done way more embarrassing things. anyways after he left i told the cashier that the reason I was so embarrassed about the car alarm thing is because a cute boy that works at walmart saw. and so naturally, she asked who it was. I told her “its actually a guy that went into your line a few minutes ago, he works in CAP 2″. She replied with, “I know exactly who you're talking about, he is cute but you could do better” i love this girl aksjndfiuahebfuifo. we started talking about him for a while and I discovered that he rides bike to work. the whole time I thought he took the bus but the more that I think about it, riding a bike makes more sense because he gets out late and idk when the trimet stops running.

if my calculations are correct, brandon is off the next two days. in other words he isn’t working until wendesday. but I have wednesday and Thursday off so I won’t see him. and then when im back to work on friday carl is off both friday and saturday. the whole point of this is to inform you that the three (me, carl, and Brandon) of us aren't going to all work at the same time until next sunday. exactly a week from today. these are the best days because carl is with brandon a lot. and carl talks to me a lot. 

also carl wants to have dinner together or see a movie before i leave for school. and thats cool but i feel weird about it for some reason idk. how do i avoid this.

also, while working some guy asked me  how i pronounce my name. he told me that he’s never met someone with my name and how it was pretty. I had war flash backs to the time that Gabriel asked for my number because he also asked how I pronounce my name. anyways the guy from today was CUTE as heck.