#I WASTN PAYING ATTENTION

[parksrway]

seeing my switch friend with the cool totk icon that I wanted but I missed the window to get

[beatrix-kidd0]

our love story.

we met a few years ago, when my hair was the longest its has ever been, and his hair was brown after months of dying it different tones of bright colors. after me, his hair would always stay the same color. i dont know if it was my fault, or the fact that i really loved his natural color, and he loved how i loved it. 

we started talking because we had mutual interest. we met through mutual friends, went to the same school but he was a year older, we would some times catch each other on breaks at the same time, smile, and keep going. but sometimes we would react to each others stories ‘oh i love that movie’ ‘i love that radiohead song’ we had a very similar taste on movies and music, and i really like spending time reading, he liked playing videogames, our conversations started becoming longer every single day. still at school we acted casual, like two not so close friends, i dont know if it was me, i got so nervous when i saw him that i almost could really open up, i started getting worried, thinking the only time we would conecct would be via text. for me, i never considerd anything romantic with him, i knew he just got out of a relationship, heard it from a friend of a friend, and i knew how gorgeous is ex was, there was no way in hell he was choosing me after her. but i liked him as a friend. we would see eachother at parties and nod, some parties i started getting flirtier, i could help myself, the more alchohol in my sistem, the more flirty i became. just casually bumping into him all the time, touching shoulders, looking at him while he pretended to not notice but i knew he did. but he also was very sweet, he would always ask me how was i, and laugh whenever i told a joke to the crowd. even though i tried my best to not speak that much when he was arround, i didnt want to embarace myself. he was so cool, and confident, and i was none of that. 

then the insomia started to kick in, every time i would live a party i could go to sleep, just thinking of facing him, making out in a bathroom, him telling me he liked me. i hated myself for slowly thinking more and more of him, because i knew he didnt think of me that way. but i could fucking help myself. 

one night we had been texting the whole day, we started texting like that, just two friends constantly texting about very stupid stuff, but always waiting by the phone to see his name pop up on my screen and bring me a silly goofy smile. i was out with my friends, and i got drunk, every time i was drunk i fucked up, he knew that, i told him i was going out with some friends. while my friends were talking about something i wasnt really paying attention to, i message him, it took him two minutes two replied my heart was on my cheast.

hi, u up?

yeah. arent you with your friends? have fun

yeah, also a bit drunk

ha ha 

and i wanted to ask you something.....

okay?

what is this? we talk all the time, but we pretend we dont know each other at school.

her friends started picking up on her worried and nervous face. her heart on her cheast. she couldnt tell her friends something so vulnerable like gettin rejected right at the same time they were laughin about some silly storie. she could tell them. so she lied, said her dad texted her she was worried about responding because she was drunk. after a couple minutes, he replies.

im sorry. im awkard, u know. i really like you. as a friend, maybe even more. but just got out of something so serious. 

she didnt knew what to say. she chugged what she had of her beer. 

ha. ok. no worries.

but then she felt something in her chest, and she had to come clean.

actually, yes. i think i might have feelings for you. and i dont know if i can keep talking to you like this.

she had never been this honest with him before. it felt good to stand up for herself, but at the same time she was not ready to loose her over a drunk night. 

oh. yeah i have feelings for you two

so?

lets go on a date

she smiled. she could stop smiling. she excused herself to the bathroom, she had to scream. 

really? u sure

im sure. lets go have a couple beers, get to know each other on person. i really like you and i dont wanna lose you.

cool. same

cool.

they went on that first day, and then a couple more that week. they started spending one day with eachother, one apart, one with eachother, one apart. they had such a flow when they talked to each other, it was easy. yet they had never kissed. she counted five dates, no kissing. their dates were usally at a park, very early in the evening, one day they even went for breakfast at nine am, so it wasnt really making out time. but she felt like that was his way of telling her she was a friend. he liked her comments on music, and movies, he would watch all the films she recommended, and he would tell her to watch the ones he liked and waited for her review like a little kid. he loved when she waited for him reading, and how she send him little messages after every date whenever she got home thaking him. he liked her nose, and her hair, and the eyeliner she did on her eye. later on, he would try to copy her eyeliner and she would laugh everytime because he would always fail misreably. everything was great. yet every time he would get closer, he could feel her standing a distance away. everytime they were silent, and he though of kissing her, she would rapidly change the subject and get into a deep conversation about the industry of make up cosmetic, or something radom like that. she was always talking, and he loved that, but sometimes wished she realized he wanted to kiss her. either she didnt want it, or she was to nervous. the good answer was the second one. 

one day she was walking down his street, he told her he wanted to show her his favorite coffe store right across from his house, what he really wanted was to show her his room. something very personal to him, but he liked her so much. they had a coffe, a great talk, they laughed. and they went upstairs when the coffe filled them up with energy and joy. she was nervous, he could tell, but she faked it like a pro. she was shaking when they got upstairs. he introduced her to his mom ´mom this is my friend´ she said hi with the prettiest smile and tried her best to be the nicest girl that mom had ever seen, she really wanted her to like her. she like the way friend souned in his tounge, and dreamed of the time he introduce her as more than that.

when they got upstaris, to his room, it was very clear what was going to happend. when they sat down at the bed, she took out of her phone and founded any excuse to just calm down and look at something other than his face for a second. her hands were shaking holding it, thankfully he wastn playing attention. he was so cool about the whole thing. she asked to got to the bathroom and when she got out, he was waiting for her in his bed. he was thinking. she wanted to stay there, as an observer, watching him think in a room that was so personal for him. he caught her watching. 

´come here´

he said and she did. she sat next to him. 

´i really like you´ he said. 

´oh really?´

he stared holding her hand and playing with her palm. 

´you can read hands?´

´sometimes i wish i could read your mind. i never know what your thinking´

´i never know what you are thinking´

´oh cmon, im so easy to read. you must know what im thinking now´

´i dont know´

he got closer. 

´what are you thinking´

´im...´

he got even closer

´im thinking im scared´she said ´im thinking we will have a terrible kiss because im a terrible kisser and it will ruined this great thing we have going on´

´no way´

he got closer. she got out of the bed and stood up.

´im sorry... im´

´i dont wanna pressure you´

´no, no, its me.... its not you...´ she sat down next to him again, and grabbed his hand, she wanted to show she cared. ´alright... kiss me... but do it slowly´

and very slowly. first his hand in her hair, her hand on his jaw. but he did kiss her. their lips conected in slow motion.first very slowly, taking good care of her lips, listening to her request. then, his tounge started working his way through her mouth, very slowly as well. she understood the langeague he was speaking. her nervousness started to go away, even thought she was focues on the kiss, the more their mouth connected, the more passion she felt, the more she let loose. 

´is it good? do you want to stop´he said

´no... no... its perfect´ she said an inmediatly grab his face and kiss him very passionaly this time. he thought it was the sexiest thing she had ever done.