#I WAS STRUGGLIN WITH THIS FOR THE WHOLE MONTH BUT ITS DONE NOW

[zrllosyn-art]

Velvet for @petite-pumpkin!! AGAIN

i draw her a lot orz

[chews-erotically]

Waxing Gibbous 

Pairing: Ezra + femNurse! Reader

Rating: Hard M / 18+ ONLY

       * Warnings: Angst/ mentions of childhood trauma/ mention of domestic abuse, violence/ killing both in- and unintentional/ SMUT/ hand job/ fingering/ mentions of partner-sharing, threesomes/ PTSD/ nightmares

      * Summary: Confessions of sin and of desires.

      * Word Count: ~2200

*Part ONE* *Part TWO* *Part THREE* *Part FOUR* *Part FIVE**Part SIX*        *Part SEVEN*  *Part EIGHT*  *Part NINE*  *Part TEN*  *Part ELEVEN*  *Part TWELVE*

 PART THIRTEEN

    The weather on Central turned cool as the months stretched on. You’d realized after the bar that you had perhaps pushed too far, too soon. You’d both retreated back to the sanctuary of your home to regroup. The insidious nightmares continued for you, though nowhere near the level of intensity of the first. You continued to sleep with the lights on, limbs entangled with Ezra’s. You held on to one another, fingers drifting over pulse points, entwining fingers and legs. Two halves of some damaged whole.

    You’d found some solace in cooking. You had gone so long without anything more than the nutritionally dense, yet bland and uninspired nutribars and ration packs that you were desperate to experiment. It was slow going at first, but Ezra was far from selective with what he’d eat. He devoured everything you put in front of him, even burnt and strangely seasoned. He offered profuse compliments that expounded upon his good fortune in having found someone so willing to graciously cook for him. It always made you snort, but you appreciated the fact that he was supportive.

    Ezra had begun writing an autobiography of sorts. You often heard his dictation well into the stretch of your afternoons, his voice animating into flights of vivid imagery and florid, expounding descriptions. He dictated, but he also typed, pecking with the pointer fingers of each hand. You knew that when he was typing he was not to be disturbed. He never said it outright, but you knew that he typed because he could not bring to life the horrors he’d both witnessed and committed, he could not convince himself to speak of things he’d done that would shake the foundations of a kinder man’s moral compass.

    You were not privy to those thoughts. You stayed away, you respected his need to keep that part of him tucked away. You knew it was his way of working through it, of processing the deeds that had led him to what seemed in the reaches of his mind to be an unearned reward. He would tell you in his own time, you did not press or push him as you knew better than most how fragile peace of mind could be. You would allow him any indulgence that may work to keep the dreams away.

    When Ezra had a nightmare, you were most often awoken by a keening whine between clenching teeth. He did not thrash as you did, rather he’d lie beside you as if paralyzed. You had to talk to him to bring him back, coaxing his rigid muscles to loosen with careful, even strokes of your palms across his limbs and torso. 

    “Come back to me, love. You’re not back there. You’re here with me.”

    He would reemerge from his fathomless depths gasping, and reach out to you, winding his limbs through yours as a thistle seeks to weave itself into the wind that caresses it.

    You moved your hand to his chest, felt the frantic pounding beneath his breast. Like a trapped bird desperate to escape. You smoothed your fingers across the expanse of his bare chest, his skin warm and alive, thrumming. Present. And then lower, rubbed against the soft curve of his belly as its panicked heaving incrementally slowed.

    Lower still to the soft curls beneath his navel. Your fingers wove through the hair, teasing the skin with your nails. Ezra huffed, eyes fluttering. He turned his head toward you, knocking his forehead against yours.

    “My Dove….the succubi had their talons hooked into my tattered soul once again, I’m afraid.”

    You leaned forward and kissed him softly. His hitching exhale made its home within your mouth.

    “Is there nothing I can do to take this away, Ezra? Nothing I can offer you that will soothe you?”

    Your finger dipped down, lightly tracing the curve of his half-hard cock. You felt it twitch, followed by Ezra’s sharp intake of breath.

    “The demons that consume the nether regions of my addled mind cannot be placated so easily, Dove. The things I have done, the wretched life I’ve lived would leave you without thought of staying. My greatest fear is your discovering the nefarious deeds of my past, of learning exactly who it is that you lie willingly next to in this bed.”

    “I know who I lie next to, Ezra. I lie next to a man who decided to trust me, who gave me my voice back and showed me that I am worthy of love. That will never change. No matter what sins you’ve committed, I can stop loving you no more than I can keep the moon from waxing and waning.” Your hand encircled his length, rubbing gently. You trailed kisses across his shoulder as he gasped. He reached a hand to cover yours, stilling your actions momentarily. He paused for what seemed an impossibly long beat, seeming to consider his next words to you.

    “When I was a child in Louisiana we were poor. Mama worked three jobs to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. My father was a drunk, shiftless sonofabitch. He put his hands on Mama and on me and Isaiah like clockwork when his life did not go his way. It did not go his way often. One night, he was really workin’ Mama over something awful. Isaiah was out in the shed fiddlin’ with an old transistor we found earlier that day at the salvage yard. I was alone in the house and Father had his hands around Mama’s neck.

    “She was strugglin’ and kicking at his knees, wherever she could reach, but Father wouldn’t stop. When he maneuvered close enough to the root cellar I saw my chance. I ran and I screamed, as loud as I could, and I shoved up against Father with all of the force I could muster. A meager show, to be sure, but Father was well on his way to obliterated by that time. He was just unsteady enough on his feet to topple forward down the steps. I heard his neck snap like a twig and he was dead before he hit the dirt. Mama and I told Isaiah it was an accident. But the truth is, Dovie, I took a life for the first time when I was nine years old.”

    Your hand raised from his groin to cup his cheek, your throat constricting around the lump forming there.

    “You were just a little boy, Ezra, scared for his Mama. You were protecting her. He may have killed her that day, if not for you.”

    His eyes narrowed, his voice thick with emotion. “That day set my path. I knew that I was not fortunate. I hated that I didn’t have what others were so freely given. I was born under a bad star, under an awning of misfortune. I was determined from that day forward to do whatever it took to survive. Kill, maim, steal. I have sold my soul a million times over to ensure my own victory in all my ensuing endeavors.”

    When he paused to collect his thoughts further, your hand drifted back down to his groin. He was now fully erect, and you felt the precum beading at the tip of his cock. He was hot, unbelievably so, and his eyes squeezed shut with a low groan as you swept your thumb through the slick of his crown. His head tipped back into his pillow. He resumed his confessions with a straining voice.

    “Later on, when Isaiah and I began prospecting as a means of finding our fortunes, we often found ourselves on the wrong end of an underhanded deal. We were green, and we were easy marks. We were swindled, robbed and double-crossed more than I care to admit, Dove. It took me a fair amount of time to become just as ruthless as those who would venture to hoodwink myself and my partner. The first time I killed on a job, it was a woman who thought she could bewitch and seduce me. Isaiah had overheard her plans with her partner to satiate my carnal desires before making off with my haul in the dead of night. I saw the knife in her hand as she tried her best to take my cock down her throat. I wrested it from her and used it to penetrate her chest. The third intercostal space of the ribcage houses an anatomical landmark known as Erb’s Point. Her own weapon found its home at the apex of her heart, and she bled out summarily.”

    His breathing was becoming more shallow,  his exhales more explosive as you continued to stroke him as he spoke, reaching every so often lower still to cup and gently roll his balls, which were steadily drawing themselves up, tightening against his tensing body. He canted his hips up into the air as you worked him. He rasped out a stuttering groan and panted up into the ceiling before whipping his head toward you, turning his body onto its side in the bed beside yours.

    “You know by now….”

    (gasp)

    “Isaiah was stabbed and left to die in an alley. It was the work of that woman’s partner. While I…”

    (groan)

    “While a did heartily mourn the loss of my only sibling, I could not….Kevva, girl….I could not begrudge him his need for karmic justice.”

    You brought your palm to your mouth, licked a wide, lascivious stripe from the base of your palm to the tips of your fingers. Ezra’s hand found your hip and squeezed. His eyes were dark, lust-filled and far away. He was lost in his reverie while consumed with your ministrations.

    “Keep going, sweetheart,” you soothed to him, nipping at the junction of his neck and shoulder. “I’ll take it from you. Don’t hold it back..”

    He answered with a full-body shudder, teeth catching his lip. He swelled and twitched and leaked into your eager hand; you knew he was close. He canted his lips to the cusp of your ear, breath hitching, stirring the hair there like chaffs of wheat in summer wind.

    “I found...myself alone and so I was available to partner up with whomever I could find that I deemed beneficial on my various excursions. I...fuck, I….found myself attached to a most open arrangement related to a job I signed up for on the Pug. A married couple, male and female. They….they both took a shine to my proselytizing, indeed they each became in short order equally enamored with...other more physical aspects of my prowesssweetmother….”

    His canting hips began an erratic stutter as your hand squeezed and stroked and twisted around his turgid cock. Your own breath became thick and shallow, a pool of arousal collecting at your center that you soon felt drooling onto the flesh of your inner thighs. You nipped at his jawline as his eyes fluttered shut, eyebrows knit together, mouth open as he embraced the divine sensations you were giving him.

    “Ezra….” you moaned against him. “Ezra, did you fuck them? Tell me how you fucked them…”

    “Always….shit….always together. That was the agreement. His cock in my mouth, her mouth on my cock… oh my gods sweetheart I’m close….he’d eat her pussy while I fucked his tight ass….she...fuck meee...she loved a hard cock in her cunt and in her ass at the same tiiiimme…..oh Jesus Dove FUCK.”

    His hips thrust and stuttered, his balls drawn taut and tight as he spilled into your hand. He buried his face in your neck and moaned, whimpered, as his seed came forth hot and thick to paint your palm and fingers.

    When he finally stilled, you brought the mess he’d made to your lips and made a show of licking every finger before lapping at your palm to clean it thoroughly.

    Ezra’s fingers found themselves parting your soaked, swollen folds as you gasped against his mouth, your tongue licking in to caress his teeth, to tangle with the slick velvet of his own talented instrument.

    “I want that, Ezra,” you groaned against his hot mouth. “I want that with you...I want you to watch me while I lick a cunt. I want to gag on someone else’s cock for you. Perform for you. I want to watch you get fucked in that beautiful ass….” you keened as two of his fingers entered your twitching, weeping hole. Ezra watched your face, eyes wide and mouth open, as he processed the frantic, lust-soaked words that spilled from your lips unabashed in their filth.

    “Is that what you desire my love? To explore the whims of the Satyr, to share the pleasure of other willing bodies with one another?”

    “Fuck yes, Ezra…” you sobbed against his flexing bicep as his fingers and palm worked you toward your own rapid petit mort.

    “Kevva wept, Dove, then you shall have it.”

tag list:  @ifimayhaveaword, @rzrcrst, @absurdthirst, @cinewhore, @hopelikethesun, @yespolkadotkitty, @sin-djarin, @lackofhonor, @din-damn-djarin, @mrpascals, @theocatkov, @thefineandnobleartofavoidance, @hellojustheretolookatmeemees, @cyaredindjarin, @im-like-reallythirsty, @mstgsmy, @goldafterglow, @givemethatgold, @shaqbutt, @sirianisrock, @artemiseamoon, @thatreclusewriter, @scribbledghost, @f0rever15elf, @opheliaelysia, @qveenbvtch, @hdlynn, @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa, @spacegayofficial, @ezraslittlebirdie, @ezrasarm, @ezraslittleblondestreak, @tintinwrites, @kindablackenedsuperhero, @darthadeline, @alexisinorbit, @knittingqueen13, @lueurnotes, @xakilicious, @keeper0fthestars, @huliabitch, @di-kut, @zombieaurora, @corrupt-fvcker, @cryptkeepersoul, @teaofpeach, @thestreamergirl, @frannyzooey, @mndalorians, @sistasarah-sallysaidso, @autumnleaves1991-blog, @heatherbel, @the-feckless-wonder, @millllenniawrites, @revolution-starter, @melon-eyes 

[heartbreaker-johnny]

Full Moon pt. 1

So this was a request that @seraplantery made months ago, I’m forever sorry it took me this long to do. You know I’ve been having the struggle. Everyone knows I’ve been strugglin to do this thing and well look at me I made it two parts. Also, don’t ask about the tittle. It’s just best not to ask questions. Anyway part two is coming soon, it’s already done I’m just posting this now idk.

🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺

You and Kun have hated each other since you were pups. Your parents were good friends, which forced you to be around each other a lot, but you never got along. Your parents had done everything they could to make the situation better but no matter what happened it seemed to make it worse.

Kun annoyed you so much. It was definitely much worse when you were children. Constantly chasing you, teasing you, throwing things at you. He would do whatever it took to get a rise out of you. Now that you were older he had mellowed out some but he was still a brat. He was rude and often made snarky comments. He always glared and often made jokes about you to his friends, enraging you to no end. You did your very best to avoid him at all costs but it was a small town and it was even harder being in the same pack. You did your best not to start anything but it seemed no matter where you went he was there.

The pack seemed to be in a frenzy these days, more and more males were experiencing their first time in heat. Females had been going through it for years and managed pretty well, most females treated it no different than being in their period. But a males first heat was almost unbearable for them. On top of all that, more people were finding their soulmates. It wasn’t certain if the heat was triggering this but it seemed so to you. You watched as so many of your friends started their heat, almost immediately found their soulmates, and left the pack for ten days to let the heat run its course.

It made you nervous to see all these people finding their soulmates. You had never felt a particular attraction or pull to anyone, it made you wonder if you even had a soulmate. It wasn’t often someone didn’t have one, but it had happened before. The pack didn’t shun a person for not having a soulmate but they were seen differently for not having one. They were pitied and not taken seriously in the romance department. They were able to be in a relationship, they just didn’t form the connection soulmates did. It was a connection you wanted to form. You wanted it more than anything but as more soulmates were found, your hope started to die.

You were in the middle of doing dishes when your father came in the kitchen with Kuns father (the alpha of your pack) and Kun. You rolled your eyes at the sight of him but said nothing out of respect for his father.

“Y/N, we need to talk.” Your father said, your queue to stop your task.

“Okay but whatever he told you I did, I didn’t do.” You said, glaring at your enemy.

Kun merely rolled his eyes at you as his father chuckled.

“It’s nothing like that. It’s actually more serious.” He softly smiled at you.

“Is something wrong with Mom?” You asked your father.

“No honey, your mother is fine. She isn’t the one who needs your help.” He said. “It’s Kun.”

You scoffed at the thought of Kun actually needing your help. You looked over at him, his expression a mix between embarrassment and sadness. Maybe he did need something.

“What makes you think I would help him?” You challenged.

“I told you this was the best route to go.” Your father said to Kuns.

“Y/N, I wouldn’t ask this if you if I didn’t need to. Kun has started his first heat and after last night it’s clear he needs to be away from the pack for it. It was very hard to keep him under control. But I can’t send him away on his own. I need him to be with someone I trust.” Kuns father explains.

“Wait, so you wanna pimp me out to him because he can’t control himself? What the hell Dad?” You yelled at your father.

“That’s not what this is.” He tried to calm you.

“Nothing like that has to happen. I just need someone to be with him to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself or others. We have a cabin an hour away you two can hide out. You can even chain him up if he gets too out of control. I can’t go with him because I need to stay with the pack. Y/N I trust you with my sons life. I know you two don’t get along but this needs to happen. Which is why, as alpha, I’m ordering you to do this.”

You were shocked Kuns father was doing this. He hardly ever gave out orders or used his power as alpha like this. He truly must have been desperate.

“Fine. But this is a one time deal, alphas orders or not. I’ll leave the pack if you try to make me do this again.” You swore to him.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure Kun will have connected with his soulmate before then.” He smirked at his son.

You packed a bag for the next 9 days and left with Kun to head to the cabin. The whole way up to the cabin you were both silent. Where you were angry and annoyed by the situation, Kun seemed sad and guilty. Normally, he would be doing nothing but tease you and talk shit, but now he was conscious of everything he did, making sure not to piss you off any more so. When you arrived, you quickly found a room to yourself, closed the door and pulled out the book you brought. You wanted as much space from him as possible, heat or no heat.

When evening came, you decided it would probably be best to form some sort of plan on what to do if Kun got out of control. You were doing this for your alpha after all and he was expecting you to take care of his son.

“So what exactly do you need me to do?” You asked Kun when you walked into the living room.

“Just make sure I don’t do anything horrible. I don’t know what I’m capable of.” He said honestly.

“Do I have any kind of warning when you’re about to go nuts? Like are you feeling it now?” You asked, a little irritated.

“You’ll know when I’m out of control, when I can’t handle it. Right now it’s manageable. As long as you keep your distance right now, I’ll be fine.” He said, his voice getting quieter as he spoke.

“I trigger you? Me?” You asked, baffled.

“Your scent, the pheromones you’re giving off...I can smell you from here. It’s...luring me.”

“I’m attracting you? Why I’m not doing anything on purpose.” You were so confused on why you were making Kun this way. Didn’t he hate you?

“I know but you’re....intoxicating to me right now. If you get any closer I don’t know what I’ll do.” He said, hanging his head low.

“I don’t think you’ll do anything. You hate me remember?” You said, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from him.

“You really don’t get why my dad asked you to do this, do you? Why he picked you specifically?” He asked, looking you in the eyes.

His father said he trusted you, what else could there possibly be?

You shook your head, not picking up what he was putting down.

“We’re soulmates Y/N.” He said.

Your heart seemed to stop right there. No. There was no way. Qian Kun was not your soulmate. You hated him. He hated you. So there was no way he could be your soulmate, right?

“What?” You finally sputtered out. “Why would you say that?”

“Why do you think I treat you like I do? Why no matter where you go, I’m always there? Why even though you hate me now, that hate is so strong?”

“I don’t think that means we’re soulmates Kun.”

“I felt it Y/N. I felt the trigger already. I felt it a few days before the heat started. My dad said you’ll probably feel it after you see me in full heat. That’s why our feelings for each other have always been so passionate.”

You didn’t know what to say. There was no indication that he was lying. Why would he lie even? Here you were, around for his heat, something that could get you seriously hurt. If Kun was going to pull a prank, he wouldn’t have gone that far. This was real.

“Do you...are you...I-“

“It’s just a pull right now. I can feel that I need you around. I want you around. If you aren’t around I don’t feel myself. That’s about as far as it’s gotten.” He explained.

You stared at your hands unsure of what to say. You weren’t sure how you should react. It was true Kun was attractive but would you really feel that pull towards him after seeing him in heat?

“Y/n,” Kun began, breaking you out of your daze. You looked over at him, his face looking regretful. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted. I’m not even sure if it’s what I wanted. I mean, I always found you attractive and I always felt this pull towards you even when I didn’t know what it was. But I know this kinda ruined things for you and I’m really sorry.”

“I wouldn’t say it ruined anything for me. I never really had a plan. Just go to school, help out family. To be honest, I was really wondering if I had a soulmate at all. I thought I was gonna be that one person in the pack that didn’t have one. You certainly did a good job at not giving me a reason to think it was you.” You dryly laughed.

“I’m sorry for all of that, I really am. I’m an asshole, I don’t have an excuse for how I acted towards you.” He apologized.

“I suppose I should forgive you if we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together, huh?”

“You don’t have to, I definitely don’t deserve it. If you...if you don’t end up feeling that way about me, you can reject me. I talked it over with my dad, he won’t let anyone give you shit for it and I’ll do the right thing and accept it.”

The thought of rejecting Kun made your stomach twist. Rejecting your mate could kill them if they aren’t strong enough. Kun was a future alpha, sure, but the rejection was extremely painful for both sides and more often than not, the mate being rejected just simply can’t handle it.

“I don’t think I can do that. Let’s just wait for my trigger and see how I feel after that. Can I ask, what it felt like for you?”

He looked down at his own hands, nervously.

“It was really sudden, my dad thinks the heat triggered it. I mean we see each other all the time so why didn’t it happen sooner? It was during the prep for the bonfire. I was with with Hendery and Dejun and you walked by, carrying supplies. And then it hit. My lungs almost closed, I was gasping for air. My heart was like a humming bird, I thought I was gonna pass out. They were freaking out, thought I was having a seizure or something. I couldn’t look away from you though, I just had to look at you. And then you laughed at something Renjun said and it all stopped. My skin wasn’t on fire anymore, my whole existence felt different. It was like...gravity wasn’t holding me to the ground anymore, you were. It’s been like that sense. If I’m not around you or if I don’t at least know where you are, i feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve been waiting for it to hit you so our minds could connect and I could breathe again but, you know.”

You felt a pang of guilt in your chest. He was miserable and it was your fault.

“I’m sorry Kun. Maybe if I’d known sooner-“

“You can’t trigger it yourself, it has to come naturally. Trust me, I already asked. I was thinking of ways I could help it happen but my dad said it has to be done by you.” He rolled his eyes at the stupid wolf ways.

You sighed, not sure what to do. You didn’t even know how you felt, all this information had your head swimming. You didn’t want to reject Kun but what if you just never gained feelings for him? Was it possible to not have feelings after your soulmate has been triggered? Kun was gonna be alpha one day and that would make you automatic beta. Were you ready for that? You never wanted to be an important member of the pack, you were fine with just being a loyal wolf. You could just hear the way Lucas would make fun of you. Renjun and Mark we’re gonna flip.

“You should probably get some rest while you can. I’m probably gonna be screaming and howling a lot later, I’ll keep you up.” Kun said, embarrassed.

“Yeah, okay. Wait, are you gonna shift? Can you control that?” You asked, worried you’d wake up to a giant wolf in the living room.

“I think so. Actually it might be easier to be a wolf in heat. I shouldn’t have all these feelings while I’m wolf and you’re human. But I don’t wanna risk it. Wolf instincts are intense, I’d be a slave to them. At least while I’m human I’ll have some control.” He explained.

“Just don’t try to rip me to shreds while I’m sleeping okay?” You said, standing up.

“I’d never try to kill you. Even in heat and as a wolf, I’ll know it’s you. I’ll know your min-I just wouldn’t.”

You simply nodded unsure what to really say.

“Y/N?” Kun called after you, making you turn around. “During my heat, if it gets that bad I have to be restrained, don’t listen to me. I won’t be myself. I don’t want to do anything without you feeling your trigger and I could still hurt you even then. If I hurt you, I couldn’t live with myself. You’ll have power over me. If you have to restrain me, do it. Promise me.”

Your heart ached at how concerned he was for you. This wasn’t the Kun you were used to but you certainly didn’t mind this new Kun.

“I promise.” You told him, before walking off and going to bed.

You awoke a few hours later, the sound of angry growling and metal banging waking you up. You swallowed hard, getting up and slipping on your sweats. You braced yourself before leaving the bedroom and going to find the source of the sounds.

You didn’t find anything in the living room so you moved past it to the only room you hadn’t been in on this level. The sounds grew louder as you approached the door, indicating you were in the right place. You reached out a shaky hand to open the door, revealing what you had feared.

Kun was on a wall, chained, head thrown back writhing and growling in pain. He pulled against the chains, not really looking like he was trying to break out. He was shirtless now, just clad in his jeans from earlier, a sheen of sweat covering his body. As soon as you took in the sight before you, everything changed.

Your heart rate jumped to what felt like a million miles per hour, the breath literally knocked out of you and sucked out of the room. Your skin was on fire your vision was blurred and you weren’t sure if you were gonna make it.

“K-Kun,” You managed to whisper, hoping he’d see your despair and be able to call for help.

He snapped his head forward and made eye contact with you and everything stopped. You gasped, air finally filling your lungs again. The burning stopped, and your vision was clear again though it felt almost more clear than it had before. The world around you seemed to shift. Gravity no longer existed for you. It was only Kun.

It had happened. Kun was your soulmate.

“Y/N,” He almost groaned, taking in your appearance. It was clear to him you had felt your trigger, he could feel it. It made the pain in his loins only increase, it was so obvious to you now.

“Kun,” you whispered, your voice still unsteady. “What...what are you-“

“Don’t come closer!” He growled. “It’s happening. I’ll only hurt you, that’s why I’m in here! Fuck, just stay back! I can’t hurt you!”

You took a small step forward, testing your legs to see if they were still jello. They were weak, but you could walk, so you took another step forward.

“You won’t hurt me.” You told him, aching to reach out and touch him.

“Y/N, I’m scared, please! It’ll get worse!” He pleaded with you, groaning out.

“Not if we stop it now. Kun let me-“

“No, I can’t! I can’t do that, not like this! Please!”

“It’s okay, I felt it. The trigger. Kun, this is what I was made for.”

“I’m not doing it just because we’re soulmates! Jesus....I won’t do it unless you want me, please just let me keep that part of me!”

You took his face in your hands, stilling him instantly. His face still showed the pain, he looked conflicted, as if he could cry. He didn’t pull away from you, instead looking into your eyes, looking for any sign of fear. He would find none.

“It’s okay. I’m not afraid, I trust you. I want you Kun. Please let me help.” You smiled softly at him.

He looked at you for a moment, seemingly deciding what to do. You reached down to his arms, undoing the chains, his arms falling down to his sides. You reached for the chain around his torso, his breath hitching.

“I won’t be able to control myself. I won’t be able to go slow. It’s too much right now. If I hurt you-“

“I’ll make you stop if it hurts. I trust you Kun.” You released the chain, freeing him completely. “Touch me.”

He didn’t move for a few seconds that felt like hours. But when he did, you felt every nerve in your body get set on fire. He launched himself at you, taking your face in his hands, pressing his lips hungrily to yours. You moaned out at the force of the impact but gladly accepted his lips on yours. They cooled the fire that burned within you.

He flipped you around so you were pressed against the wall as his lips travelled down your neck, nipping at the skin there, resisting the urge to mark you. Your hands ran through his hair, your hips involuntarily grinding against him. He growled, impatient and in pain. He wanted to take his time with you, he did, but the pain had gone on for too long and he couldn’t take it anymore.

He picked you up bridal style and and took you to the small bed in the corner of the room. He must have planned on living in here while the heat was the worse. He dropped you on the bed, reaching down to lift your shirt off. You had forgone a bra since you were sleeping and normally you would have been self conscious, but you were as caught up in the heat as he was and you just needed him to touch you. He latched onto your chest, kissing and touching the hot skin his lips felt. You moaned out, your one hand returning to his hair, the other reaching for his shorts.

“Kun, please. Don’t have time.”

As much as you were loving this, you knew the longer he held out the more pain he would be in.

“Gotta get you ready baby. I want you to feel good too.” He muttered against your nipple.

His hands trailed down your stomach, right to your hips, his fingers toying with the elastic band on your bottoms. You lifted you hips, telling him you wanted them off and he smirked while granting your wish.

Once you were completely naked, his lips went back to your neck as he ran a finger over your slit, your body jerking at the touch but craving more.

“Please,” you gasped, gripping his bicep.

He ran through your folds a few more times before slipping a finger inside you.

You hadn’t been with anyone before. The feeling of something inside you was uncomfortable but it wasn’t painful. You don’t feel pain until he added a second finger, moving them in and out, stretching you to prep for him. The pain was mild and as he kept a steady pace, you relaxed enough to where it felt good.

“Please Kun,” You whimpered. “I need you.”

“I need you too baby. You’re so tight and warm, I don’t think I can wait any longer.” He moaned, rutting his clothed length against you.

“Then don’t. Please, take me. I’m yours, please make me yours.” You begged him.

“Mmm, mine.” He growled as he bite at your neck.

He pulled away and pulled his fingers out of you. He brought them to his lips, making eye contact with you while putting them in his mouth. His eyes flutters shut and he moaned around his fingers.

“So sweet, just as I thought” he said, making your cheeks flare up.

He removed his pants and hovered back over you. He pumped himself a few times before running his tip through your folds, collecting your wetness. You moaned lightly at the feeling, you’d never felt like this before.

Once he felt like he’d teased you enough, he lined himself at your entrance and slowly pushed inside you.

It didn’t feel good. Pain shot through you, enough for you to gasp. You were full, maybe too full, and stretched out around him. You accidentally clenched around him, making him gasp, desperately wanting to me.

“Just tell me when.” He said, kissing your forehead.

He let you take your time, moving in and out very slowly and very carefully so you got used to the feeling. It was driving him crazy to go like this but even in this state, he couldn’t hurt you. It was a few minutes before the pain began to dull and you decided to call it good and let him have relief.

“It’s okay now.” You told him.

He didn’t need any other confirmation as he picked up his speed almost instantly. His hips snapped at a speed you didn’t know was possible, him slipping effortlessly in and out of you. You moaned at how amazing it felt to have him like that. He hit all the right spots, his cock feeling like it was made for you. And it was. It was always going to be like this. You would always be on cloud nine, every time.

It wasn’t long before that position alone wasn’t enough for him and he pulled out and flipped you over. He helped you to your knees and he slid in you from behind, hitting new angles and sending pleasure through your body. You couldn’t help but moan and call out his name. You couldn’t think of anything else but how perfect this felt and how good he was. You were loving every second of this. The sound of his skin hitting yours, his groans and heavy breathing, the beds soft creaks. It was music to your ears and you could listen to it all day.

It wasn’t long before you felt him twitch inside you. You weren’t surprised, he had been worked up for so long, you knew it wouldn’t take much. But you were okay with that because you are right there with him. He picked up his speed faster, as it if were possible and his groans and moans were more frequent.

“Oh shit,” he moaned out as you gripped his cock with your walls. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum, holy fuck.”

His hips snapped into you hard a few more times before the fire ball in your belly that had been building up, exploded. You cried out his name, your limps all but collapsing underneath you. You cleanched around him, making you tighter than ever and that was it for him.

He leaned over you and as you felt yourself begin to come down from your high, he sunk his teeth into your neck, marking you and letting the rest of the world know you were his. You were his mate, his forever and no one would ever be able to take that away. You cried out at the pain and gasped as he ran his tongue over the wound.

He pulled out of you and pumped himself a few more times before releasing on your back. You were confused but, didn’t mind as you were hypersensitive now and didn’t want to be pushed anymore.

You felt him leave the bed and heard him walk out of the room, you wondered where he was off to as you closed your eyes, trying to get yourself back together. You felt different, it was hard to describe. It was more than the fact that you were no longer a virgin. You had found your soulmate and mated with them. There was a warm feeling inside you that you weren’t sure of, but you liked it and wished it would never leave.

A warm, wet feeling interrupted your thoughts and you looked behind you to see Kun cleaning his mess off your back.

“I didn’t want cum inside. I mean, I did, but I didn’t wanna take any chances. I don’t think either of us are ready for kids yet.” He have you a soft smile as his cheeks pinked.

“Good call. I appreciate it.” You smiled at him.

Once he was done, he tossed the cloth by his clothes and he laid in the bed beside you. You rolled on your side to face him, your shoulder he bit aching as you moved.

Kun looked different to you. He almost had a glow about him. You realized just how truly breathtaking he was and couldn’t believe he was your soulmate. You were so lucky.

It was then that it hit you. You did love Kun. You weren’t sure if maybe on some level you always had but you were sure now at least that you did love him. Relief flooded over you, knowing now you wouldn’t have to reject him. He would be yours and you both would be happy and he would leave the pack and be stronger than ever.

You decided not to tell him just yet that it had been your first time. Knowing him he would just feel guilty and you didn’t want to ruin the way you felt right now. But you would tell him eventually and you’d deal with the guilt then.

He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind your hair.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked, smiling softly at you.

You nodded, wanting to hear his voice more, all the time.

“I lied before.” He said and you gave him a confused look. “When I said I had only gotten as far as wanting you around. I lied. I love you y/n. I’m so in love with you. I think I always have been and I was just scared because I thought you hated me. But laying here with you like this, my heart is so full, I feel like it might explode.”

You smiled at him, he was the cutest thing you’d ever seen.

“I love you too Kun.” You said, then leaned in to kiss him.

He held you there for a minute, then pulled back to look you over. He hadn’t killed you, you seemed to be mostly unharmed other than his mark.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, his fingers ghosting over it.

“A little, but they say the pain doesn’t last long. I hope I have a cool scar and it’s just not teeth marks.” You cringed at the thought.

“I think it might be exactly that babe. But don’t worry, if anyone gives you shit I’ll take care of it.” He winked at you.

You giggled at his remark.

“You called me ‘babe’.” You noted.

“You not like it?” He pouted.

You shook your head.

“No it’s fine. I like it actually. Just wasn’t sure if you meant it or it just slipped.”

“Oh I definitely meant it. You’re mine now so you better get used to all the cheesy pet names and being spoiled and treated like the princess you are.”

“Okay I’m definitely not a princess so never call me that, but I am definitely okay with being yours.”

“Well good, because you’re kinda stuck with me for forever.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours once again, as if he were sealing the deal. You were more than okay with being Kun’s forever.

[bfknj]

tags masterpost (?)

I was tagged in a few tag games over the past few days and instead of posting them all separately I decided to just put them all on one! If I tagged you feel free to do any or all of these (including people who tagged me!!) As always, don’t feel any pressure to do any, I just think these are fun and wanted to share :)

- - - - 11 questions tag - - - -

Rules: 1. Make sure to post the rules!! 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

these questions are from @moonmyun !! michaela you had me stRUGGLIN OKAY YOUR QUESTIONS WERE HARD but ily still bless you for the tag you angel :”)

1 who is your bias group? why?

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN AKA MEME SQUAD !!!!!!! honestly they just make me so beyond happy wow holly nobody ever says that about their favs ur original a LOOOT of music is centered around love these days and not to say bts doesn’t do that with a lot of their music but they also tackle a lot of societal issues and I really respect them for that. From 21st century girls w politics, spring day mv and the ferry sinking, suicide in the I need u mv and many other things I feel like they take risks for the sake of portraying what they hold true to their hearts/morals not necessarily what will sell best and I can’t name many other groups who do that as well :( also my boys cute af I love those dweebs IM SO WHIPPED HAH

2 which kpop video do you find the most aesthetically pleasing?

this is hard :(( idk my number one but I really like seventeen hip hop unit’s check in, red velvet’s one of these nights, ladies code’s galaxy, kim lip of loona’s eclipse and crush’s fall ! they don't all match my aesthetic but I feel like they match the songs really well!!! watch them okay 3/5 of them are hELLA UNDERRATED bye

3 if you could instantly learn one choreography, what would you pick?

something by either gfriend or bts?? love whisper or not today or blood sweat tears?? OOOH or red flavor by rv!! tbh though I’m really skinny so my limbs look weird af with a lot of dances rip

4 who do you look up to as a role model (in the kpop community or not)?

there’s no person in particular that really sticks out but I will say I’ve always admired jungkook, and really all trainees for that matter, who leave their families to start training really young because its a process thats hard physically, emotionally and mentally for late teen/early twenties trainees but there’s sO many kids who enter in their pre-teens and idk how they survive also I realized this doesn’t answer your question at all I'm sorry its 1:28 AM I’m just waiting for the DNA mv to drop

5 whose concert would you go to if you could and why?

DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 !!!!! THEY INVENTED LIVE SHOWS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS or shoot maybe dean or crush or heize?? I LOVE TOO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE also I would say bts but although there are countless amazing beautiful armys there are def some crazy scary ones that are known to be horrible at concerts so

6 if you could pick one idol to be best friends with, who would it be and why?

OK YALL IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT IN MY DAILY LIFE SO S/H TO MICHAELA FOR ASKING ILY either boo seungkwan or ahn heeyeon!! I feel like hani would be so fun to have girl time with bc I feel like we’re really similar in some ways ?? IDK I LOVE HER bUT overall I’d say boo seungkwan because istg we are 100000000% the same person only he has a weenie ok just trust me I am boo and boo is me

7 would you want to be a part of a kpop group if you had the opportunity to be?

I’d absolutely love to be in the entertainment industry and I think the staging, costuming, group dynamics and publicity (variety shows, fan service/interations) in the kpop industry are all really cool but I honestly don't think I have the mental strength to do it lmao idols go through so much and I don’t think I could handle it regardless of how much I enjoy singing/dancing/performing etc.

8 what languages do you speak, and which do you want to learn?

english and some spanish??? I understand a lot because quite a bit of my family speaks it but my conversational skills have gone downhill recently because I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to practice :( with that said, I’d like to be fluent in spanish and - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME READ IT ALL OK - I’d like to learn korean BECAUSE!!!!! when I was little before I moved I would go to a farmers market by my house and a lot of the older ladies there spoke korean and little holly though it sounded so pretty and I always wanted to chat w them ok THATS WHY I’m not a creepy koreaboo this has been a thing since before I even knew what a kpop was ok bye 

9 what song cheers you up when you’re sad?

fire by bts bc I get hella turnt to that song its a pROBLEM also jackpot by block b, baby/puss in boots by astro, chained up by vixx, not today/bst by bts, knock knock by twice, i think I love you by sonamoo THE LIST GOES ON I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST OK

10 what things do you associate with your bias?

dimples!! pretty hands, closing one eye in selcas, ootds, happiness so cheesy ik sORRY, ryan, studying, awkward dancing, open mouth laughs, second hand embarrassment, sentimental rants

11 what’s your favourite thing to do in your free time?

cry over namjoon tbh I’m one of those people who is constantly listening to music so I’m always doing that and singing along regardless of if its free time or not HAH then I really like reading and catching up on my youtube subscriptions

my questions!

what is your dream job?

favorite book of all time?

what is your current fashion like and what is your dream fashion?

if your best friend was cloned, how would you know which one of the two was your best friend?

what song got you into kpop?

which idol do you think is most similar to you?

favorite kpop lyrics?

if given the opportunity to collaborate with any group/soloist of your choice, who would you choose and why?

what is your favorite physical and character trait of your ult?

which underrated groups/soloists do you believe deserve more recognition? any song recs?

do you read fanfics? if so, what are your favorites?

- - - - song title game - - - -

I was tagged by @kihani, your song choices were 12/10 

rules: spell you your url with kpop songs and tag ten people! (all of these happen to by song recs too so listen nd be happy friends)

mysterious - hello venus

i think i love you? - sonamoo (a fav ok listen pls)

life in color - beenzino

knock - knk 

jelly - hotshot

only u - daze

out of sorts - vixx

night rather than day - exid

she’s a baby - zico

- - - - get to know me tag! - - - -

1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true. tagged by @sleepysugarmoon, thank you friend!! APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses (or contact lenses) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people  People tell me that I’m funny   Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument  I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion  I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging some mutuals bc ily and why do you even follow me I'm a wreck tbh OK i tag: @kihani, @21jd, @lapatronakim, @94seulqi, @gayoongi, @springdqy, @medina-kim, @15minss, @je0n, @cottontae, @taebaeul, @booty-baekery, @lalisl, @babekhyun, @voidpjm and anyone else who wants to try any or all of these!!