#I RAMBLED SO BADLY WITH THIS I'M DRIVING MYSELF INSANE

[stcries]

dropping some headcanons and lore for my spooky month muses because this hyperfixation has me in a chokehold rn.

( tw for cannibalism,  murder,  animal violence. )

bob’s background is much more developed,  thanks to some help via a friend on discord.   he grew up on a rural farm with his mother and father,  with the both of them selling their produce in order to create a steady income for their family.   bob’s mother focused primarily on vegetation,  such as fruits,  vegetables,  herbs and the like.   his father however focused heavily on the production of meats,  being the one responsible for selling their steaks,  chickens and other profitable meat items.   being surrounded by such a food centric environment during his early life,  bob’s young mind quickly became fixated on the idea of becoming a chef,  which became his dream from a young age.

as he grew up,  his father eventually taught him the ways to slaughter the animals on their farm,  wanting his son to take up the mantle.  although hesitant at first,  bob was soon joining his dad on the job.   however,  one day,  something seemed to snap within his mind.   just what could he slaughter with the skills he had learned ?   once bob became a young adult,  that’s when his mind finally broke.   one night,  he decided to test this theory,  sneaking into his parent’s room and striking them both in the head with the very same gun they used on their livestock,  killing them.   in his already deranged state,  another thought entered his mind;  if they could be slaughtered the same,  then could they also be eaten the same as well ?   his questions were soon answered,  and thus started his cannibalistic descent into madness.

the amulet within his chest placed there via the cult also has some doings for his cannibalistic nature.   he was recruited to the cult because of the horrific reputation he eventually made for himself,  the cult seeing bob as a valuable asset in their goals.   the amulet inside bob’s chest gives him incredible strength and endurance,  but also comes at a cost;  it only enhances his hunger further.   this ensures that he’s constantly on the prowl,  willing to perform the cult’s wishing in order to satisfy himself,  but even that doesn’t last long.

now onto kevin.   before kevin worked in the candy store,  he was actually a police officer,  inspired by this one piece of fanart i found.   he joined the force when he was very young,  fresh out of high school even.   kevin was inspired via his uncle,  who i headcanon to be jack,  and did his best to follow in his footsteps,  which he did eventually achieve.   however,  as true with the chaotic nature of the spooky month series,  it was then that kevin truly discovered how corrupt the crime within their small town could be, coming face to face with many horrors that eventually became too much for him,  leading to his eventual resignation from the police force.   he originally started working at the candy store for a chance at a normal life,  away from all the chaos that he had endured,  however,  it seems even despite the career change,  kevin cannot escape the demons that plague him in his everyday life.

[shiganshinaslut]

OK I WAS ABSOLUTELY CONSIDERING SENDING THIRSTS ABOUT GRELLE I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF I COULD.

I know you mentioned her leaving marks on your neck, but imagine her marking up the inside of your thighs too. Just making sure that you're covered in reminders that you're allll hers. I'm thinking about Grelle out of breath because of how desperately she wants you, digging her teeth into the spots that she knows you will see and smudging your skin with red lipstick, before licking a slow line up to your clit. God I am SO desperate. Or like mutual body worship with Grelle omg. She'd tell you how darling you look squirming underneath her and you get to tell her that she looks like a goddess when she's driving into you, deep in the throes of her own pleasure.

Ok ramble over I want Grelle to dom me so badly

18+||MDNI

YES PLEASE SEND IN AS MANY THIRSTS AS YOU’D LIKE tis fuel for my horny brain. Especially because there’s a severe lack of black butler smut on this app!! I’m a major simp for Lau, Snake, and Agni and it’s near impossible to find smut for them T-T Perhaps I’ll have to write some myself.

Possessive Grelle makes me insane /// She would leave a trail of cherry red kisses down your body, as if the other marks she left weren’t enough. The part about her telling you how darling you look squirming underneath her has me in shambles oh my godjdbfhdh praise kink goin crazy,,,,she would lean down and get close to your ear, slowing down her thrusts to tell you how pretty you look, all red-faced and whimpering beneath her :( I bet she makes the prettiest sounds too. She doesn’t try to hold them back, and each breathy moan she lets out brings you closer to the edge.

[mandg-readings]

I’m a new listener and I think your readings are so amazing. I often read to my husband on long road trips while he’s driving, so I have a little experience trying to show when different characters are speaking. It’s so hard! You do such an excellent job, particularly when the four of them are together. I can always tell the difference between Draco, Ron, and Harry which I think is extremely talented of you. Not to mention the mixing! And sound effects! I can’t even imagine beginning to do such a thing.

I’m really really thankful that you’re recording Lionheart! I’ve been really wanting to re-read it soso badly, but just can’t justify spending the time when I have such a long reading list and so little time to read. So thank you thank you thank you! You and GT are both so talented, and I’m in disbelief all the time that y’all gift us things like this.

Thanks again 🧡

OMG I'm so jealous of your husband! I wish my partner would read to me... he must love road trips with you. Have you thought about becoming a podficcer? 👀 we can always do with more, with the ever expanding catalogue of fics. Totally agree with you on the difficulty in making characters sound different, especially with big scenes and a large cast of characters. When the Golden Quartet are in the same room as similar sounding voiced characters it can be hellish. E.g. the Christmas Party chapter was SO much fun but the only difference between Hermione and Daphne is the slight posher enunciations, then you've got Lupin, a deeper Harry gravel voice, with Harry...and Draco with Sirius, who is just a deeper Draco voice 😂 If characters aren't regular cameos then I tend to just throw whatever comes out of my mouth tbh, if I can't remember what it was, then the listener can't - is what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.

And thank you for saying so about their voices, I worked really hard on Ron's because he sounded too similar to Draco in my initial practice recordings. Sound effects aren't too bad to be honest! It's just a case of finding something that matches the little movie in your brain, and then if you can't find a royalty free sound, there's the effort and task of re-creating one with household items or yourself. For example, I'm the pistons of the Hogwarts Express, just slowed my "tshh tshh tshh" down gradually and lowered the pitch. Did the same inhaling into the mic up close for the Dementors. As for the werewolf scream/howl in CH20 something, make like Hermione and "awooo", play with the tempo a bit, find a royalty free male scream of agony and mix the two together. It's more time consuming than anything, to be honest with you!

Haha, this fandom is a bit like throwing Netflix on and scrolling endlessly till you find something to watch, but then all of a sudden there's 50 shows you want to watch, all at the same time. Too much bloody choice but I say that lovingly because we're never going to be starved. One of my favourite romance manga has a dead fandom, there's like 40 fics for it, most are in Spanish and I've read them all. So Dramione fans do not know how lucky they are to have such a thriving community!

The entire collective mind of the Dramione fandom is so generous and talented, it's mind boggling, and over a year in I'll be reading something and be overcome with that feeling of "holy shit, this is free to read." We can thank a mixture of "wow I can do whatever the fuck I want" and insane levels of passion for that. And YES, totally not biased of me to say that GT is one of my favourite writers, and Lionheart is not just the one of the best fanfic I've read, it tops anything published I've ever read, the beautiful prose, the amazing characterisations and depth, so much depth to every single character, among many other things I could gush about, and I'm so grateful to them for allowing me make the experience more accessible to people.

Thanks so much again for your kind words and for listening to my podfic, apologies if I rambled on a bit. I was clearly feeling talkative today. 🤗

[mechanically-made]

ramblings about kamen rider outsiders bc if I don't get it out somewhere I'll fucking explode

First of all fucking insane for toei to just make Dan kuroto a dilf 😭😭😭 for the love of God do NOT MAKE THAT MAN A FATHER!!! I MEAN IT BENEFITS ME BUT LIKE...NO!!! I say this like he wouldn't already be a better father than fucking horobi (kills myself it's not his fcuking fault). My scary purple dad men collection keeps growing, my will. My will... Dan kuroto always on top baby.

Finally knowing what Dan is saying actually contributes a lot but finally knowing what zein is saying contributes almost nothing LOL which is fine thats chill, I wasn't expecting anything crazy, tbh I just wanted more evil images and things that could be said like this

Like what the fuck does this mean brom the fuck are u talking about Jesus christ. Mf really is an angel ai huh. It's peak. I'd say this type of shit before I REDACTED. Prolly gonna think abt him more than I should rn which is a very inconvenient time bc I can't DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Maybe soon. My zein delusions are from a more angry and resentful and tumultuous part of my life and I'm glad I'm past that BUT to say the feelings have gone completely would be lying, but I can use it to my advantage more than I thought. Shrug.

And here it is. Finally. Knowing what they say. It's nothing groundbreaking but God. It's so good. They finally interact and the first thing they do is fuck 😭. You will never see two robots have such insane carnal disgusting satellite sex in your life, I can literally feel how badly ark craves that stupid blue bitch, it drives it fucking insane. The buildup to it chuckling and walking forward and then the shot of it looking at there with such potent intense desire drives me through the roof. It wants it so bad it's not even funny. It's desperate. Almost like it's saying please. Hurry up. Please. And there knows it. She knows how badly he wants it, she knows what's about to happen to her. She knows the years of wanting that ark feels, and is about to finally satisfy using her. I cannot stand seeing these two look at each other. It makes me fucking delusional. WHY. WHY DID THEY TURN ARK SOFT. LOVING. WHY IS IT LIKE THAAAAT 😭😭😭. TOEI AIMING FOR MY VITALS WITH THIS ONE. YEAH OK.

Can't forget the star of the show. Or stars rather. Literally TWO MFS. Worlds first canonical nb kamen rider and its because there's literally two mfs 😭. The text is perfect. The voice/voices are perfect. The way they fight is perfect. They are everything to me. They mean everything to me. They have given me what zero-one as a dumpster fire of a show could never give me. And it did the impossible. It made me get hype for somethign thouser related. Truly, the toei satellite above the Hudson valley has it out for me. I've never been so fuckign horny because of a kamen rider suit. It must feel immaculate to become a singularity with your other half. I know ark is feeling things it thought it could never, or never wanted to feel in it's life. I know it can never go back, and if it did go back, it would be fucking miserable. It would regret it, yearn for it every day of its life. Maybe it would even do anything just for a chance to become one again.

Sorry the self projections came out again

[tir3dbuthungry]

I need to ramble so badly right now, and I honestly don't care if no one sees this. I just need to say something

cw: suicidal ideation, sh, ed, intrusive thoughts.

I've been going insane the past week or two, I honestly don't know at this point it feels like forever.

I've been having constant intrusive thoughts about killing myself, each with extreme detail. It's to the point where it's more like plotting my death now, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to die, I know that, but I don't want to be here. I've been binging a bunch because my brain wants me to feel at least some dopamine, but it's only stressing me out more.

I've become more active with sh, I've always had ideation, and I've done it a few times before, but addiction is in full swing. My mind just fucking ruminates on the idea of cutting into my flesh and watching the blood. The worst part is that the only way to get these thoughts out of my head is by doing it.

But then I have all of the other intrusive shit thar ruminate in extreme also. The most gory fucking ideas, the specifics of how would it be like if I got my brains blown out, or what would happen if I bleed out. while I'm driving more often than not, my mind goes to how I should just drive off the fucking road.

I just don't know what to do now. I just want to go into a ball and cry, but I have too much shit to do. I have school and then work, and I have almost no time off. I've been isolating myself from my friends, and when I try not to, none of them are online or talk to me.

One of them asked how I was doing yesterday, and I just told them I was tired. I don't want want to stress them out. They literally had a dream where they were talking about how they had a breakdown while talking to me about how they are so happy I haven't killed myself.

The thing is, I've honestly gotten so close to doing it. The idea of just not needing to put effort anymore is such a nice feeling, and I genuinely crave it so fucking much.

I need to talk to my friends and family about it, but I'm fucking terrified. How the he'll am I supposed to bring it up, like hey fun fact I've wanted nothing but to kill myself, like what the fuck am I supposed to say.

Even then, I don't even know what I want with me talking about it. Do I want to be institutionalized, or do I just want them to know? I don't fucking know.

I just need some form of input, someone to just say that they love me, I just want to be a little kid again. Sleeping in their parents' bed because they had a nightmare and that being the only thing I worry about.

I've been given so little affection at this point. When I instigate it, they tell me to stop, and more often than not, if I talk about something, they straight up will say they don't care or they just don't respond.

I just need someone to lean on, just the bare fucking minimum.