#I NEED TO SPECIFY LINK WAS WHOLEY JOKING ABOUT THE ROCK COOKING PROCESS

[umbreonix]

On link's first April fools day or the one that happens when the channel starts getting big, for his prank he actually puts in a bit of effort. Thing is, he's making Moza's dishes. So, it's a high quality, 4k 60 fps of link cooking the "Lavish Meat" dish, the "Ancient Meal,"(or something like that) and the "Ultimate Survival" dish. So basically, for April fools day link ruins your day. (He would of course put a warning at the start/end/middle/in the corner that says do NOT try to make these because he doesn't want people to ruin their kitchen) Bonus points if it's in Revali's house and he doesn't know.

Ooo yes XD Tbh I was thinking Moza might in herself be a minor minor character (mentioned once or twice but never interacts with main cast)

Maybe a rock hard food...

Random fic clip incoming because I am clearly in a write-y mood today for anything that isn't one of my current fics:

Revali dropped his bags dramatically at the entryway. Shopping was exhausting.

He deserved some recovery time from this ordeal. Perhaps a long hot soak with that cocoa butter bath bomb he got from one of those pop-up vendors at the mall was in order.

The thought was interrupted by the sounds of pots and pans clanging around. He rose an eyebrow at the apartment’s security panel as if it might actually understand his exasperation. “Come now, part of your job is to keep out riff-raff like that dirty little beach vagrant. You didn’t let him in again now did you?” He asked, running a hand along the nearest wall. There was a coddle-y cooing tone to his voice that often came out whenever he addressed the Medoh Suite’s smart system.

Of course there was no response, AI technology was coming a long way but it was certainly another fifty years minimum before it gained the awareness to snark back to his sarcastic remarks. Or maybe this was her response. Her silence seemed almost passive-aggressive. As if telling him ‘you were the one who registered his face in the first place.’

Well no matter, he was in now. Revali readjusted his hair in the mirror and moved to greet his interloping guest.

Any witty comment he had locked and loaded on his tongue died at the sight before him and all he could utter was “The f@%#?”

Link turned to look at him with that blank look of neutrality he was learning to hate more and more every day. All it ever did was make him look like everything he did was an overreaction, and Revali had never overreacted to a single thing in his twenty [redacted] years of life! His reactions were always EXACTLY what was necessary and proper to a given situation. If anything, the rest of the world underreacted.

“SURELY,” he said stalking towards the marble island. “Surely you did not let yourself into my suite, take over my kitchen, and ding up my cookware for this ridiculously childish attempt at an April Fools Joke?”

Link just looked at him with an utterly serious expression. “Joke?”

Revali squinted at him. This was what he meant by underreactions, figuring out sarcasm on Link was like solving the world’s most obscure puzzle.

“Do you take me for an imbecile?” Revali said. “Do you honestly think that you can bluff your way with that bland face of yours into having me both forget that it’s April 1st and that ‘this’-“ he waved a hand at the dishes already completed. “is all inedible?”

He seemed to have cooked the various dishes entirely with rocks. The presentation was surprisingly nice but that certainly didn’t trick him into thinking anything was palatable.

“It’s edible,” Link said, still not a single twitch of his lips indicated that he was being anything other than dead serious. He looked almost bored. “Minerals are important to the human diet, there is a way to cook the stones so they soften and break up and can be eaten directly. How do you think they extract minerals for vitamins?”

“You’re not convincing me of anything,” Revali scowled. “This is tiresome, I know you like to get your rocks off from taunting and tormenting me, but just give it up. I’d ask you to replace any scratched-up pots you damaged in this sad endeavour but we both know you can’t afford that- IS THAT MY IMPORTED CERAMICS YOU’RE USING?” Revali blanched. Those were worth more than Link probably spent in a year!

The aspiring chef did not even flinch at the rock pun nor the onslaught of Revali’s following verbal barrage- one which lasted a good few minutes and stretched the range of his vocabulary up into the firmament, reaching the apex of what the English language could achieve. If only they could, poets would study this rant for centuries until it became mandated material for every highschool HP English class. Yes, it could have been a classic if it weren’t for all the angry vulgarities interspersed throughout.

“-and how about you, from now on, take your extreme frugality and apply it to the way you care for my own belongings as well!” Revali finally said. He backed up a little and scuffed imaginary dirt off of his shoulder, as if just being that close to the blond sullied him in some way. He then scowled as he noticed the small rivulet of sand in his sink leading down towards the drain.

“Come now, you had to know that is bad for the pipes, you did your own plumbing for that dilapidated, former drug-den, off-the-grid, sand-filled shack you call a house did you not? Just admit this was a terrible joke that fell flat and we can clean this mess up.” He had leaned in so close to the blond he could pick up on all the grey-blue fibrous shades that rippled like ocean waves in his irises.

Link leaned forward as well, the first hint of any expression crossing his face- and it was absolute, blood-boiling, smugness. “No.”

He took a spoonful of pebble soup and popped it into his mouth.

Revali froze. Yes, he wasn’t an idiot. What he was always forgetting was that Link was.

“Wh- Show me your mouth right now! YOU DID NOT JUST SWALLOW THAT!”

He took a step towards Link and Link took a step back. He did however show his mouth and there was horrifyingly nothing in it.

“And under your tongue?” Revali asked, actually getting quite nervous.

Link didn’t comply to that one.

Soon the multimillion-dollar beauty icon was chasing the wild beach bum around his kitchen island with the frantic worry of a weary dog-owner.

When he finally did catch him, it was a no-holds-barred scuffle. Link burst out into a delighted laugh as he tried to escape Revali’s hold… then immediately paused with a shocked expression.

“You just swallowed it for real didn’t you?” Revali asked.

Link nodded, looking pale.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?” He asked.

Link was already at the door and he tossed Revali his own keys. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he muttered.

The pair rushed out the door.

Link’s livestream was forgotten.