#I Like thinking about Kevin and his relationships and I really think kandreil was perfect endgame

[queer-lovebot]

Nora was SUCH a coward for not giving us Kandreil honestly. Like truly Kevin makes their dynamic work so differently (I’ll never forgive her for using him moreso as a plot device than an actual developed person).

ANYWAY. How do you think Kevin felt post canon about Andreil’s relationship? Now that he has the time to worry about boys instead of being whisked away and tortured by the Ravens?

I think he doesn’t feel anything for a while (or he thinks he doesn’t) because he’s still in fight or flight and checking around every corner. Sure everyone else might be sure at ease, but he’s lived in the Nest all his life and that kind of shit doesn’t just go away. He’s still gonna have paranoia. He’s still gonna have nightmares. They’re just more bogeyman nowadays. He goes to therapy about it at Andrew’s insistence. And after months of just Starting to unpack the endless trauma, of allowing himself to be vulnerable again, he starts thinking about boys.

He’s not coming to some new realizations about anything. He’s known Andrew was attractive, knows the bond they have is deeper than most. He’s always loved Neil’s fiery attitude and the way they bump heads as well as how they come together. He knows he could live without either of them, but he knows he doesn’t want to. It’s moreso he’s looking at everything in a broader scope instead of pinpoint moments.

It’s strange at first. Wanting someone in your life forever is different than harboring romantic feelings for them. It’s a different way of finding home in someone. So he tries to play it off. He doesn’t wanna get in the way of Andrew and Neil, and he doesn’t wanna make things awkward when they don’t feel the way he does. Kevin is strong, and he’s used to losing things, but he’s never gotten used to losing People. He’s not sure what he’ll do if their relationship changes for the worst.

Anyways Kevin holding these feelings in results in him being much quicker to anger and more prone to leaving Andreil. He’s jealous. He still acts the same around them because, as are, they don’t act so coupley around most people. They’re barely coupley around him. But sometimes there’s a certain tenderness - the way Andrew clings to Neil that he doesn’t do with Kevin anymore, the way Neil looks at Andrew that Kevin’s never seen - and jealousy bubbles up inside him like a bad cold, so he leaves.

He becomes increasingly moody. Everybody notices, nobody knows what to do, and Kevin refuses to tell anyone but Jean. He gets shorter with Andrew, fights more with Neil, and the only way he really finds leave for a while is hanging out with the Upperclassmen.

I think eventually Kevin confesses. Contrary to popular belief, he’s not as cowardly as people like to make him out to be. In a Perfect Situation, Kevin and Andrew also has to confront the Choking Incident in Baltimore before Kevin starts developing/consider further developing his feelings for him. (It’s So important tk character development to have the person who swore to protect you - something that they take very seriously - to put their hands on you in a way as traumatic as choking. I will not stand for Nora ignoring such shit in canon and I WILL address it).

[willowbird]

3! 4! 7! (for the prompts yo) .... oh. and. kandreil. (duh)

Be GAY do CRIME, on a violently orange yacht. Oh, and they kiss for the FIRST TIME 😘 For Kandreil!

This is my first Intentional Kandreil y'all (as opposed to like.. the three Accidental Kandreil I've done so far), I hope I don't fuck it up for you XD

----

"Kevin I swear if you peak I am going to go leak those photos of you from last Halloween."

Kevin snorted at Neil's empty threat, though he dutifully kept his eyes closed, letting Andrew tug him out of the car and lead him down what felt like a wooden walkway. A deck, maybe. Or a pier, Kevin thought as he registered the smell and sound of water, the squawking of gulls above and around them.

"Even if you did, no one would believe they were real."

"I'd leak them right to the Trojans." The laughter in Neil's voice warmed something right in the center of Kevin's chest. It wasn't so long ago that Neil was so... terrifyingly cold. He'd joined them as a rebellion against his father, the bogeyman of the east coast and loyal lapdog to the Ravens - who were the direct rivals to Kevin's much smaller, much wilder group of Foxes. But whereas the Ravens were a legit syndicate that dealt with such things like human trafficking and heavy drugs, the Foxes were a group of barely-organized criminals that mostly just liked to say 'fuck you' to the laws they didn't agree with.

The problem? The laws the Foxes didn't agree with tended to be the ones that directly benefitted the Ravens' front businesses. After all, the Ravens controlled several of the biggest corporations in the country, and they were regularly stepping all over average folks, ruining their lives.

Every member of the Foxes had, in some way, been hurt by the Ravens. They were all determined to get back at them in whatever ways possible. Sometimes that meant framing their executives for fraud. Sometimes that meant blowing up a few buildings. They were a multi-talented group.

The Trojans were a similar group of not-quite-but-still-criminals based on the west coast, and they'd combined forces a few times by now. They also were pros at anything that had to do with the internet. If Neil wanted to make something go viral, the Trojans were definitely the place to go to.

"Jeremy would never help you soil my good name."

"Jeremy would think it is hilarious, do not fool yourself, Day." Andrew's tone was dry and deceptively uninterested, but Kevin knew him well enough by now to hear the amusement hidden between the carefully articulated syllables.

Kevin rolled his eyes while still keeping them dutifully closed. He didn't bother to hide his smile though, knowing the other two would see it and not really caring that they would. It was kind of strange to think of, honestly - that he was here, comfortable being led around with his eyes closed, smiling without care. It was because of these two men, and that... that warmed something inside him. Made it glow. Made it blossom. Made it live.

"Okay, alright. Kevin, you may open your eyes." Neil's grin was audible in his voice, and it was the first thing that Kevin saw when he opened his eyes.

The second thing he saw, though, was the absolutely impossible-to-ignore explosion of orange directly behind him.

"What the actual fuck?" Kevin half-spluttered, but he was grinning, too. He could feel it. One did not look at a violently orange yacht and not grin. He laughed. "This is my surprise? You saw an orange yacht in the marina and had to show... me..." His voice drifted off, distracted and confused as he saw the name of the boat in sharp white script along the side.

The Brightest Day

"Neil?" Kevin blinked, and something giddy bubbled up right below his throat, catching and fizzing. He had to swallow it down, and it took effort to do so, especially as he saw the warm, pleased look on Neil's face, then turned to see a similar expression on Andrew's.

To see a similar expression on Andrew's face.

Kevin stared, because Andrew... Andrew wasn't one to emote. Even when it was just two of them, or the three of them. Even after all they'd been through. Kevin and Neil had learned to find the truths hidden behind his sturdy walls, to accept what Andrew was willing to give them when and however that may be.

And here was Andrew, in the open, looking at him with an almost-smile on his face and an expression in those natures-gold eyes that was unmistakably fond.

Kevin had to take a breath, and he wasn't at all surprised to feel it shake. Rough, strong fingers slipped between his own and Kevin looked over to see Neil's expression had shifted to understanding. If anyone would ever know what Kevin was feeling, how he was feeling it, at any given time, it was Neil. They were so similar in the way they processed the world, and how they appreciated the small gifts they were granted in a life that had been too dark and too unforgiving for far too long.

Andrew's smile was one of those gifts. Arguably, it was the grandest of all.

"Come on you idiots," Andrew sighed as he turned to walk up the short ramp already positioned to bring them onto the boat.

Without further word, and without unlacing their fingers from each other, Kevin and Neil followed Andrew up the ramp and onto the yacht. Something struck Kevin as inexplicably right about that. After all - no matter where any one of them went, the other two were sure to follow, hand in hand.

And when they needed to face a challenge they would face it hand in hand in hand.

"I don't understand," Kevin finally said as Andrew lead them across the deck. "The Foxes don't have the resource to --"

"It did not come out of the Foxes' coffers," Andrew cut him off. He nodded to the menace still holding Kevin's hand. "It came out of Neil's."

Kevin turned to Neil, staring at him in open shock. "You bought the Foxes a boat?"

Neil snorted. "No. I bought you a boat." He paused, then looked from Kevin to Andrew and something passed between them. Some kind of understanding, or agreement. Andrew stepped away from where he'd been about to lead them to the interior of the boat, instead joining the two of them. Once he had, Neil looked back at Kevin and said, "I bought us a boat."

It took a moment. Kevin wasn't stupid, but he also had never expected... This thing, this connection or relationship or whatever that was between the three of them - Kevin wasn't sure it would ever be defined and he had come to terms with that months ago. If they went on forever just being Kevin and Andrew and Neil, just as they were right now with no changes - he would be okay with that. As long as he always had these two men in his life, everything else, he decided, would work itself out.

"Us," Kevin said slowly, testing the word, making sure it really meant what he thought it meant.

"Yes," Andrew said. "Us."

And that... that was really all that needed to be said, wasn't it? At least he thought so, up until Neil tugged on his hand, bringing him a bit closer to the both of them, and said, "Kevin, can I kiss you?"

"Yes!" The word burst out before Kevin really made the decision to answer or even necessarily registered the question. A soft huff came from Andrew that might have been a laugh, but Kevin wasn't able to fully catch it when Neil was already pulling him down.

Neil smiled into the kiss. He kissed him slowly, with a graze of teeth and a hum of adventure. He kissed him like it was just the beginning. He kissed him like he knew it was a first kissed but by far would not be the last. Confident, pleased, satisfied.

Blood was pounding in Kevin's ears so hard he could taste the tremble of his own heart on the tip of his tongue, and when the kiss broke he gasped, already leaning in for more. This time, Neil was not the only one smiling.

By the time the kiss ended, they were no longer holding hands. Instead, Kevin had an arm wrapped around Neil's shoulders, keeping him tugged as close as possible, the other hand resting on the side of his neck. Neil was similarly wrapped around his waist and he was still smiling. Kevin rested his forehead against Neil's, then turned to look at Andrew to find the other man was watching them with heat and affection burning in his eyes.

"Andrew," Kevin said, and his voice rasped. He didn't say the words, but only because he was too high on Neil's fire to put the syllables together right now.

Andrew answered anyway, because he knew Kevin well enough to know exactly what question he was trying to ask.

"Yes," he said. And if Neil's kiss was fire and satisfaction, Andrew's was the ocean and determination. Andrew kissed him like he was going to carve his intentions on his bones. He kissed like he was going to take Kevin apart one sigh and tough at a time and Kevin melted into it, more than happy to yield to the power of that kiss. Anyone who lives near the sea would tell you the same - you don't fight the waves, you let them carry you - and that was exactly what Kevin did.

Neil's hand was stroking up and down his spine. Andrew's was cupped around the back of his neck. When the kiss broke, that hand squeezed firmly, then pulled him just a bit further down so Andrew could place one more kiss on his forehead before he turned to Neil.

Something perfect and delicate and yet, at the same time, positively indestructible filled Kevin up to the brim as he watched the way Andrew cupped Neil's face, the way Neil leaning into that touch, the way fire and ocean wave met in a promise while still in the circle of Kevin's arms. And finally, finally, Kevin had a word for it - for the feeling he got when he was with these two beautiful, thrilling, amazing men.

And it was, quite simply, home.

[dayurno]

Hi I don’t want to annoy you but could you tell us three songs that have the vibe of your band Au? (As in story/theme/character wise not the-type-of-music-they-play wise)

ARE U KIDDING MEEEE!!!! it would not annoy me at all in fact i love band au i love ranting about band au and this ask in fact made my day. so here we go!!!! i'll one u up and choose a song for each kandreil

andrew: [clears throat] im divided between nobody by hozier, which is so much his theme song its included in the au as his original creation, and gasoline by haim. i think ultimately the thing about band au andrew is that he is the biggest tease to have ever existed, and though his relationship with kevin is exact shares lovely and turbulent, his relationship with neil is based purely on him daunting what neil wants over his face and daring him to do something about it. band au andrew is a little bit less of an asshole than canon andrew, but what stands is that he is confusing, disarming and indecently theatrical

[You took me back / But you shouldn't have / Now it's your fault / If I mess around / I took a drag / But I shouldn't have / Now I'm coughing up / Like I never smoked a pack] [I get sad / You know I get sad / And I can't look past / What I'm sad about / You did me bad / And I did it back] [Gasoline, pretty please / I wanna get off / But you're such a tease / Throw the keys / Back to me / Go on and kick off your boots / In the passenger seat]

kevin: w.a.m.s by fall out boy!!!!! i need you to know i'm absolutely obsessed with band au kevin. he's the perfect divide between a huge escapist and a head on confrontional bastard, and that shows through how he deals with his music industry related trauma and how much he refuses to ever go back to doing music again, even if he still hangs around the others every day and is thoroughly inserted in the band's musical background. mostly i think he wants to grow without really having to make any effort for it to happen, which is sad, but alas, don't we all.

[I'm a young one / Stuck in the thoughts / Of an old one's head / When all the others were just stirring awake / I'm trying to trick myself to fall asleep again] [My head's in heaven, my soles are in hell / Let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well] [Hurry, hurry / You put my head in such a flurry, flurry / Oh freckle, freckle / What makes you so special? / I'm gonna teach you / How we're all alone]

neil: i always wanna die (sometimes) by the 1975!!! band au neil is a study on survival even when you see no point in it anymore. most of his character is shaped by the trauma of having been home unsafe and couch surfing for the past 3 years, always having to move around with as little belongings and friends as possible. band au starts at the same time as neils life does: for the first time in years he has a stable place to come home to after shifts, he has an income from the band that makes it easier to focus on anything else that's not keeping himself alive, and he has people who care enough to invite him over for dinner every tuesday night. that's not to say he's doing so well, but at least he's trying — and i think this song represents the idea of fighting your own self to stay afloat very well

[Am I me through geography? / A face collapsed through entropy / I can hardly speak / And when I try, it's nothing but a squeak / On the video, living room for small / If you can't survive, just try] [I bet you thought your life would change / But you're sat on a train again / Your memories are sceneries / For things you said but never really meant / You build it too high to say goodbye / Because you're not the same as them / But your death, it won't happen to you / It happens to your family and your friends] [You win, you lose, you sing the blues / There's no point in buying concrete shoes, I refuse / And I always wanna die sometimes]

[bekaraar]

Musicians AU for the AFTG Bingo

Relationships: Kandreil, Kandrew, Kevineil, Andreil

Words: 3631

Warning: past character death

Read on Ao3 here

tea leaves in a guitar

Neil had always wanted to come here. This was Rishikesh in the flesh, majestic Himalayas and the flowing Ganga (Ganges). He took a moment to actually take it all in and made his way to his rented car, contemplating how to thank Stuart for this trip.

Neil knew he wasn’t an easy person to convince. He got it from his mother, so it said something about Stuart’s side of the genes when he managed to convince him to take this trip. It had started with a YouTube video of him playing the keyboard and singing at a shady bar that had gone viral, effectively shutting down any chances he had of continuing to work undercover for the Hartfords. So, he’d agreed, seeing his uncle’s point for letting the hype about the video die down. His uncle had also made the point about the music of Rishikesh and he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t what actually convinced him to go.

And as he looked at the road winding up the steep mountain, he finally understood what exactly made the Beatles come here.

Kevin Day wanted to form a band for a very long time. He had always been in one, but it was never his band per se. It was Riko’s or the Moriyama’s. Never his. For once in his life, Kevin wanted a band that was his.

That had been until he met Andrew Minyard, drugged to the deepest depths of hell (because somehow the word ‘high’ never really seemed to fit. The drugs dragged one down). It was rocky at first, but he got through to him.

It was using something Riko always said.

Everyone wants something.

So, he found out what Andrew want (a reason to live) and instead of taking advantage of him for that, he had worked to giving him that. And along the way, they may have realized they meant more to each other than wanted to admit, and it had taken three attempts and stilted half conversations before Kevin just decided to kiss Andrew (after asking for his explicit permission, of course). It had speeded things up considerably.

They just needed one more person. And Rishikesh was the place he intended to find one.

*

Determination, Andrew mused, was a good look on Kevin. He looked regal, as he walked into the hotel. Kevin Day had a purpose, and he would not leave without fulfilling it.

Andrew could do this now, the open stares and layered glances. It was allowed, without repercussions, because Kevin was his own person now, and wanted to come out. Andrew knew better that everyone how taxing a secret could be.

He had kept his end of the deal and Kevin had kept his. He had made that fact explicitly clear to Kevin after his first week sober. He had let him know that their this, was his purpose now, even though the drums couldn’t be for him what the guitar was for Kevin.

Kevin had just looked at him with a watery smile and said, “I know.”

So, here he was, with his boyfriend (it still gave him a thrill, even after a year), on the hunt for a musician, while also relaxing and teaching. He couldn’t say he hated the idea of it, but he didn’t particularly like the details either.

Nothing good comes without the bad, anyway.

He took a deep breath and followed Kevin into the ashram.

This, he thought, was trust.

*

Neil walked into the ashram, and almost immediately wanted to walk out. It wasn’t like he didn't expect something to go wrong, but this was still hilariously unexpected. Just the kind of joke the universe liked to play on him. So, he took a deep breath and walked in.

It is a small place, with something akin to a middle range hotel rooms on the top floor. The floor downstairs is for common meals, shows, and socialization and chai.

He takes comfort in the familiar lettering of Hindi on the board. India had been one of the best trips in his memory, having grown up here for a certain time.

He used it to distract himself from what he knew he was avoiding: the fact that Kevin fucking Day was here.

If the universe wanted anything to happen, it would make it.

He took comfort in the small things.

Neil made his way up to his room and surveyed it.

It had been years since he’d had such an attachment to his bag, but something in him prickled all the same at leaving it unsupervised.

He swallowed his inhibitions and left his bag in the room, making his way downstairs to what he knew would be a meet and greet before the actual yoga and music sessions started the next day.

*

Andrew didn’t really want to be there, but Kevin did, and he was, as Aaron would say, whipped.

He followed Kevin downstairs, looking for someone to talk to, as Kevin got swept up by the large variety of people looking to talk to the famous Kevin Day.

(There it was. That trust again.)

Interesting people, Andrew thinks, are both rare to find and ridiculously relevant to his mood.

It is a tough and laborious thing to be both hot and captivating. Kevin does it unknowingly. Andrew hates it. And him.

He mad his way to the drinks table, and since there was no alcohol anyway, he entertained himself by trying to mix some of the most ridiculously colored ones.

He could have sworn he felt a gaze burning a crater on the back of his head, and when he looked, he found icy eyes ices and face framed by flames.

*

Neil did not want to run into Kevin Day or Andrew Minyard.

Of course, the universe (or whatever fucked up being controlled it) didn’t listen to Neil. Ever.

Neil knew he had a conversation with Kevin that was long overdue, but he had intended to avoid Andrew at all costs, a plan that went flying out the window as soon as Andrew decided to walk over to him with a challenge in his eyes.

*

Kevin could hide pretty much everything behind his press façade, but seeing Nathaniel here was something took him enough by surprise that he had take a moment to gather his thoughts in a bathroom, for fuck’s sake.

So, he excused himself, and went over to Nathaniel, only to find him looking at Andrew with very challenge that he used to look at Kevin with. The one that Kevin knew meant that Nathaniel found Andrew worth his time. Which was saying something. He smiled and went over to Andrew.

(He almost didn't want to interrupt their conversation. It reminded him too much of another person, another life.)

“You know,” he said, making direct eye contact with Nathaniel, “I have to agree with Andrew. Tea is truly despicable.”

*

Neil stared at Kevin, who calmly stared back and he knew that Kevin saw the exact moment he decided not to run because he saw it in the soft smile he had spent years trying to forget.

So he looked Kevin in the eye and said, “Is that so?”

*

One of Andrew’s favourite pastimes was riling up people, and his favourite person to tease was Kevin with his pretty lips that he would purse just so when Andrew told him that he was “obsessed” and that cute horrible -really he hates it- nose that he scrunches up when he’s concentrating and Andrew pokes him in his ribs.

Really, he’s Andrew’s favourite, but Neil might be the second.

It’s entertaining (or as close as anything is going to get) to see him twist that perfect mouth that Andrew can imagine doing so many other things-

He takes a breath and looks at Neil, who is now having a very energetic conversation of the merits and demerits of tea and coffee respectively and if Andrew hadn’t spent so long convincing Neil he hated tea, he might even team up with him here but Andrew was nothing if not outrageously dedicated.

Andrew exhales softly and apologizes to Bee and to tea as a whole, as he says:

“I agree with Kevin. Tea… is man’s worst invention.”

It was a blessing that Neil was looking at him right then because Andrew saw Kevin choke on air as he heard what Andrew said next.

“So, why don’t you try to convince us to like tea?”

Neil smirked and met his challenge head on.

“Prepare to lose.”

He gave them one last cursory glance as he walked away.

“I thought you loved tea?”

“I do,” Andrew says, smiling softly, as he and Kevin make their way up to their room.

Kevin huffs in amusement and Andrew smiles as he pulls him down for a kiss.

“You seem to know him.”

Andrew watches Kevin sigh and run a hand through his hair.

“He’s Nathaniel.”

Oh.

*

Neil had made his getaway nicely, but the complete shock of Kevin deciding not to confront him right there still stayed. He knew he was just putting off the inevitable, but he decided not to speak of it till Kevin did.

He just hoped Kevin still shied away from the truth how much he did in the Nest.

Neil distracted himself by planning to introduce those imbeciles to the delights of tea, even if he had to sweeten it enough to choke the devil. Neil smiled as he took two packets of tea from his suitcase, his favourites. But for Andrew, he had a different flavour in mind.

Chocolate tea.

Neil hated it. With every fibre of his being. He’d rather drink hot chocolate if he had to introduce his body to the sickly-sweet concoction, but that was exactly why Andrew would love it.

Minyard had no clue what was coming at him.

As for Kevin, Neil had given up on his liking tea long ago but he had one last angle to give this.

Kale-honey tea.

(for his voice)

Neil loved his voice. It was just the perfect balance of rough and caressing, deep enough to envelope him just so.

It also matched perfectly with his own voice. Neil missed all of it. The last two years they had shared before Riko’s suicide. And then Kevin had left. Neil had pushed him away after that.

Maybe now was the time to forgive.

Neil sighed.

He wanted to kiss Kevin senseless, slowly and wanted to be kissed by Andrew.

He made himself a warm cup of chamomile tea and watched the distant mountains as the wind caressed him softly.

If he heard someone playing the song he and Kevin had composed, he wasn’t surprised.

*

Kevin looked at Andrew as he realized just how fucked they were.

“So, that’s Nathaniel.”

Kevin nodded

“Wow,” Andrew’s treacherous mouth said, “You didn’t tell me he’s so hot.”

Kevin shook his head and rubbed his neck.

“I expected him to hate me.”

“Kevin. Look at me.”

Kevin did, almost irritated.

“You left Jean and him for a good reason. Sometimes, you can’t save everyone you want to.”

“I know. It’s just,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “Jean was his partner.”

Andrew held Kevin close as he cried.

*

Neil studiously avoided Kevin and Andrew all through the morning and tried his best at lunch, which turned out be a little hard considering the fact that there was two of them and one of him. Finally he acquiesced, and turned to look at what turned out to be only Kevin.

“Yes?” he asked testily.

Kevin swallowed inconspicuously and met Neil’s gaze.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why do you think I don’t hate you?”

Understanding dawned in Kevin’s eyes.

“You think it was my fault.”

“Well,” Neil said, raising his voice just a little bit “Whose fault was it? Jean’s?”

“No, I-”

“You don’t get to apologize! Your apologies won’t make him any less dead! Riko may have killed him, Kevin, but it was you who handed him the knife.”

*

Kevin stepped back as if he’d been slapped.

“Neil, listen-”

“No.”

Kevin stepped aside to let him go. As he stared at Neil’s retreating form, he felt a suffocating hopelessness course through him.

Andrew came up to him, and placed an arm around his waist and led him up to their room, but Kevin didn’t wasn’t any of that right now.

“Hold the fuck up, Neil.”

Neil turned to look at him and opened his mouth to give him a piece of his mind but Kevin stalked over before he could.

“Do you even know why I left? You think a stupid injury could push me to leave?” Kevin laughed, twistedly, and it sent shivers up Neil’s spine.

“You know, he saw us. All the time, when we thought we were safe? He saw us. He saw me with you. You with Jean. Jean with me. He took advantage of it.”

Kevin took a deep breath in.

“He knew I’d do anything for you both.”

Finally, Neil understood.

“He broke your hand out of jealousy.”

Kevin nodded.

“And I left so that I could get you out.”

“But you didn’t realize to what extent his anger ran.”

“No,” Kevin sighed. “I didn’t.”

It sounded a lot like defeat.

*

Neil stared at Kevin.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Kevin stared flatly at him.

“Because you disappeared off the face of the fucking earth.”

*

Neil sighed as he stared at Kevin.

“I never really blamed you anyway.”

“You what.”

Neil sighed again

“I’m sorry. I just- You know we had something right -”

“Uh.”

“What?”

“See, I’m dating Andrew-”

“Oh,” Neil said.

“Yeah,” Kevin says.

Neil looks away, slowly.

“The challenge is still on, though?”

“Oh, yeah,” Neil says, the glint returning to his eye.

*

Andrew needed to hide his favourite teas from Neil. He knew it wouldn’t be long till he figured it out, and he did not want to take that chance.

He had discovered exactly eight packets of chocolate tea scattered in his and Kevin’s baggage and devised increasingly ridiculous places to hide them, much to Kevin’s amusement and disgust.

“We have no clue how long that’s been there, Drew,” he said regarding the small box of coffee Andrew found behind the cupboards.

Andrew just smiled as he transferred the coffee powder to a jar and emptied a packet of tea into the coffee box.

(If he hid a packet in Kevin’s guitar, no one had to know.)

*

The more that Neil thought about it (and he thought quite a lot) it seemed extremely unlikely that Andrew actually hated tea. It even seemed impossible.

If anything, Neil knew Kevin as well as he knew himself (better even, the Nest wasn’t the best) and he knew Kevin absolutely loathed tea (something about Irish coffee) and it seemed obvious that Andrew was just the contrary kind of person to develop a taste for it just to annoy Kevin. It’s something Neil would do if Stuart hadn’t already conditioned him to liking tea. So, the obvious conclusion was this: Andrew was clearly lying. Now Neil just needed to confront him.

*

Kevin was trying to bake his sorrows along with the cookies that he was trying not to burn when there was a knock at the door of their room.

He opens it and Neil walks in looking around, as if it was his room.

Kevin raises both his eyebrows, and with all the judgement he can muster, says, “Excuse you?”

Neil looks at him with an air of Oh my god, can you believe this idiot , and says,“I know Andrew hates tea.”

Kein grins like Neil just gave him three kittens.

“You just won me twenty dollars.”

Neil stares at him like a grumpy cat and Kevin is realizes just how well he knows Neil.

“Andrew and I bet over how long it’d take you to come down here.”

Neil continues staring at him.

“Andrew bet till you’d last till the evening and I said you wouldn’t wait till then.”

Neil breaks out into  a grin as he stares up at Kevin.

Kevin takes a deep breath.

I want to kiss you, he wants to say, but doesn’t.

It had taken ages for his thing with Andrew to make sense and he didn’t want to ruin it now.

He offers Neil some cookies when he leaves.

*

Andrew wakes up more tired than when he slept.

He walks out and sees Kevin surrounded by approximately eight batches of cookies. Andrew does enjoy his baking, but he also enjoys a working body.

He walks over to kevin, who is looking out the window mournfully.

“Neil?” Andrew asks Kevin and he looks over at him with the same mournful face he had been regarding the teas with.

“I wanted to kiss him,” Kevin said honestly, and Andrew looked at him almost amusedly.

“What if even I wanted to?”

Kevin’s eyes widened and he choked on his own spit.

“What the fuck?”

Andrew continued looking at him with a slight smile on his lips.

“Answer me.”

“I’d be fine with that,” Kevin replied, confused, “Only if I can too.”

Andrew smiled fully and pulled Kevin down for a kiss.

He couldn’t wait for Neil to come over.

*

This was their last evening free before the performances and enrichments started. Enrichments, Neil thought with scorn. Too much of a pride to call the classes.

He sat back in his chair with a book, a fictitious one of no great value, but it was enthralling just the same. He still had an hour to meet Kevin and Andrew, and he was unable to concentrate.

It seemed weird to him, the fact that Andrew was blatantly flirting wit him, yet Kevin seemed almost hesitant to make a move when he so clearly wanted to. Something he knew Neil wanted too. Andrew, Neil felt, was the unknown in the equation, the unforeseen. Neil would never have seen himself falling in love with someone whose personality could only be described and ‘whimsical’ and ‘cat like’.

There was also the fact to consider that he was five feet and dating Kevin Day.

He sighed, and then sighed again at the fact that he seemed to be sighing a lot these past few days.

He got up and put away his book. If wasn’t able to concentrate on anything else, he’d rather concentrate on the tea dilemma, as he liked to call it.

It was now clarified that Andrew loves tea. Neil just needed evidence.

*

Neil would be lying if he said that he missed the thrill of the undercover jobs that he did for Stuart, but this, he thought was taking it too far. He was hanging over a busy street  and his only anchor, was the narrow windowsill of windows that were almost a feet apart. He just had to make across five to reach Kevin and Andrew’s room.

He allowed himself a moment’s relaxation before moving.

*

Andrew realized that seeing his boyfriend’s ex who they were both not over yet snooping in their kitchen should have set Andrew’s alarm bells on fire, but the only thing his brain could come up with was hot damn, and honestly, that was not helpful.

Judging by the way Kevin was looking over at Neil, he probably felt the same.

Not helpful at all.

*

Usually, Neil thought, getting caught would mean death, but this time, getting caught meant embarrassment.

Exclaiming “Ah hah!” while holding a box of tea leaves (it was chocolate!!!) was not quite the impression that he wanted to make, but what was done was done, so he improvised.

“I found your tea!”

In retrospect, saying that with the same tone a diabolical villain would use was also not a good idea, but neither Kevin nor Andrew seemed to think so.

*

Andrew looked at Neil, enamoured.

“Fuck,” he heard himself saying, “Can I kiss you?”

He saw Neil eyes get wide and a blush creep up his neck in the prettiest way possible before he covered the distance and did what he had been waiting to do for years days.

He kissed Neil.

Much to Kevin’s chagrin. They were so hot, it was unfair, his brain thought and he could only hope he hadn’t said that aloud.

*

Later that night, Neil lay on the couch, next to Kevin, hugging him, as Kevin slowly told him about the last three months he spent with Jean before it all went to shit.

Andrew was inside, on their bed, furiously typing away at something that he refused to share with any of them. Neil walked over to him and sat down next to him. He was still not as comfortable with Andrew as he was with Kevin, which was understandable.

Talking to Kevin had been like falling back into a routine he didn’t know he missed so much. It was natural, happy, and though there was always going to be that grief that came with everything they’d fought and everyone they’d loved and lost along the way, they were here now and they were going to make it.

“So,” Andrew said, not looking up, “Where’d you find the tea?”

Neil laughed at looked at him softly.

“In your guitar. And speaking of which, I won our little competition.”

“Oh,” Andrew said looking up in interest, “Would you like a prize?”

Neil laughed, then sobered up.

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I do.”

Kevin came and sat down next to them on the bed.

“What a about our band?” he suggested. “We need a back up vocalist, someone good on the keyboard, and you fit the bill.”

Neil looked at them incredulously, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“What do you want to name it?”

Andrew looked between them, eyes sharp.

“Tea leaves in a guitar.”

[yuzuka-rei]

foxhole court thoughts dump so they’re not in my head anymore

1, so okay just fuck im so so so into the kevin/riko dynamic,,, codependency is so my thing and to read/write about kevin’s slow decision that he doesn’t want to be overshadowed by riko anymore, his hope that riko will accept him as an equal/superior, riko’s betrayal by breaking his hand, leaving the Nest and realising that he knows he shouldnt want to go back but he wants to (think about breakups- you always want to breakup with a toxic s.o until you’ve actually broken up then you feel empty and you want to go back) just,,, 

kevin/riko is at its heart an extremely toxic relationship between someone truly demonic and someone so very human and just to see how riko would give kevin glimpses of love so that he would continue to follow him is just---------- also like riko would definitely try to tempt kevin back with the promise of love and then how andrew gives kevin a reason to stay and just- why does no one write about it!!

i also want someone to rewrite riko as less of a caricature,,, a youtube review put it really really well which was that the sports storyline had to match the level of the mafia storyline and thus riko became too much of a demon. i want to read a version, at the expense of the unbalanced stakes, i want to see riko be human, selfish, needy, tries to please kevin but the minute said “pleasing” doesnt match his own desires he stops, just i want!! to see!! riko be human!! and hate him just as much as i UNDERSTAND him (like cersei god i LOVE cersei shes terrible and i would stab her if i met her but shes an amazingly human character and i understand and in her place i would make every one of her decisions without flinching...)

anyways, riko moriyama, i want to write/read him in a way, like if this portrayal makes you want to call him your son its exactly NOT what i want (if someone writes riko in a way that makes you wanna protect him, sorry, not my thing sis, misplaced burn but this sort of person is exactly the sort of person that would have proudly claimed and advertises that they are “slytherin”, because they’re “evil” and “cunning” and “selfish” you’re delusional dude why would you WANT to be in the “evil” house (people who want to be slytherin because they’re ambitious etc etc are valid though) no mentally stable person actively wants to be bad, its human nature to try to strive for good, but sometimes what is good for you is bad for other people and you don’t care)

like i want to see that, riko knows what hes doing is horrid and you know you really should hate him, i want it to hurt, i want you to want to despise him but at the same time you see yourself in him, that makes you fear at night that you will too one day become like this. i dont want riko to be EXCUSED i want him to be UNDERSTOOD. 

2, okay so andrew/kevin. equally as toxic.

 (toxic doesn’t mean its entirely impossible or morally corrupt it just means that unless they actively take.a lot of initiative to change their personalities all the relationship will do is hurt both of them, honestly apart from dan/matt/katelyn/neil/renee everyone else in these books would make pretty toxic relationships... like imagine allison and kevin... a fucking wreck sis) 

i personally don’t think those two can possibly have a healthy relationship unless its coupled with neil [nora’s original idea of the threesome also sounds pretty unhealthy but so so so intriguing... im glad she wrote andrew/neil instead that was pretty healthy all things considered] 

but just the IDEA of kevin being utterly utterly obsessed with riko, and to deal with these feelings he moves them entirely to andrew [i did this for my own relationship, like i got broken up with and to deal with the pain of that i latched onto the most unattainable person in my world... its ending fairly badly] and then he heals from riko and he falls in love with things about andrew that dont echo riko, then andrew pushes him away because andrew doesn’t want to hurt kevin (or himself) and just them dancing around each other, always protecting each other and always there for each other but neither of them are allowed to make a move... for any other pairing in this situation they would’ve become fuck buddies but that doesn’t work for andrew and people he actually cares about and its a mess

then neil comes along and they both “fall in love” with him, like they genuinely love neil but neil isn’t part of their codependency, they love him because hes a breath of fresh air, hes a pipe dream, hes perfect in every way but they’re also afraid of breaking him, you know? they both love in such all consuming and selfish ways. and neil literally loves like a first grader- this is his first relationship dude, he may believe that the world is a terrible place but you bet he still believes that everything in a relationship can be solved by love alone when it can’t. basically my point is that canon kandreil/kandrew would be a mess and while fluff fics are generally nice id love to explore exactly how much angst we can squeeze out of this shit

anyways this was a ramble feel free to disagree and only talk to me if you agree dude i have no qualms in admitting that i dont like talking to people who dont think the same way as me and i doubt you do either sis

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 6 – Now That We’re All Here, What The Fuck Is Going On

In which we give out awards to characters we barely know, I have questions about demisexuality, Neil turns up the Gay Angst™ and the gang finally gets together although some of them could have fucking stayed home.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

           Neil left reality behind when he stepped into Dan’s room. Spending a month with Andrew’s cracked lot and a volatile Wymack had almost irreparably damaged his image of the Foxes. Now he was sipping a glass of sweet iced tea and eating cookies Renee had brought with her from home.

I’m…….. so…………. What did we do to deserve those angels……………….

           [Dan] seemed friendly enough now that Andrew was out of sight, but Neil had already noted her spine. She was made of sterner stuff, his mother might have said. Neil guessed she had to be to captain a ragtag team like this.

Don’t think I forgot the vow I made a few chapters ago:

Well deserved, we honour you and your general badassery with this award today. May your spirit inspire us, guide us, and get our asses back in line when we try being Extra™.

Am I prematurely praising this character? Probably.

Do I care? Absolutely fucking not.

           Her roommate Renee was a mystery. (…) Nicky had called her the sweetheart of the team. Neil understood why as he listened to her talk. He had no idea how she qualified for the Foxes’ halfway-house team.

Murderous snowflake, I’m calling it. She probably has the darkest backstory of ‘em all. I’m so beyond intrigued by this character, she has instantly risen to the ranks of my favourites as well.

But all fun girly hangout times must end, and so they drive to the Fox Tower to finally get all the gang together.

Speaking of gangs! Neil’s favourite people, Andrew and the Murder Monster Squad, are back!

           “It’s not like we’re going to kill him,” [Nicky said.]

           “Kevin already tried,” Matt pointed out.

           “Nah, that was just a love tap.”

Nicky knows about the choking kink, you guys.

In an attempt to get the Kandreil ship sailing again make them all settle their differences, Andrew invites Neil to join them on a fun party trip in Columbia next weekend. There is absolutely no way this can go wrong, I’m sure of it.

           “Maybe [Allison and Seth] will get in a crash and won’t make it,” Nicky said hopefully.

           “Really, Nicky,” Renee said. “That’s a little inappropriate, don’t you think?”

           She said it gently, with a hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier than the dirty looks Matt and Dan were sending Nicky, maybe because she was so sweetly disappointed in Nicky’s attitude. Nicky dropped his gaze from hers and gave an uncomfortable shrug.

Honestly, who is this Renee and why does she have such magical powers.

The way I see it, there are two ways this could go: 1) She actually has no deadly backstory (a sad, tragic one at best) and she owns the team’s hearts through sheer niceness, or 2) she is the murderous snowflake I appointed her earlier and has killed like a dozen men in her life, could slit your throat while simultaneously baking sweet cookies for her team, and is generally deadlier than all of them combined.

I’m hoping for the latter.

New character arrivals! The last ones for a longer time, I suppose, so let’s cherish them.

           Seth Gordon was the first into the room and he brought an attitude problem with him. He didn’t look happy to see any of them after only a month apart and he barely grunted at the staff in greeting. He took a second to scowl fiercely at Neil, but that was it.

Chill the fuck out, my dude. I’m taking it back, I don’t cherish him. He may be the only character I don’t instantly like, or at least find somewhat interesting.

Seriously, if you only come here to instantly non-verbally shit on everyone I’ve taken into my heart so far, you can fuck off right again.

           Allison Reynolds was only a few seconds behind him. (…) Everyone else was in jeans and rumpled from moving in. Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.

Okay but. Is it intentional that she has the same name as the basket case from The Breakfast Club???? Because that just makes her overdressed outfit even more hilarious.

Also, glad to see the Extra™ represented on the female side as well.

           [Neil’s] skin stung with the memory of his mother’ heavy blows. Life on the run meant no time for friends or relationships, but that didn’t stop Neil from checking out girls as he grew older. His mother’s watchful eye noticed his lingering looks and increasing distraction. Afraid he’d spill their secrets over a childish crush, she beat him like she could kill his hormones with her bare hands. A few years of this violence and Neil finally got the hint: girls were too dangerous to consort with.

Are you telling me that his mom physically abused him for being attracted to girls. That is beyond shitty. That is so, so fucked up. Mom Josten is losing so many previously gained sympathy points right now.

Real talk time, though: How does that tie in with his demisexuality? Because evidently, he did have sexual attraction to complete strangers when he was younger. Is this suggesting that his mother’s abuse made him demisexual? Because that is problematic on so many levels, most of all because it invalidates demi people as it is suggesting you can be beaten into a sexual orientation.

The logical assumption – for me right now at this point of reading – would be that he is actually bi/pan, however his childhood abuse represses that and makes him uncomfortable in his sexual attraction to women as a Pavlovian response, similar to gay kids beaten by their homophobic parents.

Or is there just something else entirely that I’m not getting? There must be, as Nora Sakavic herself said that Neil is demisexual (or so I’ve been told).

Or am I just reading too much into this altogether?

This is v v interesting. If anyone has anything to add to this, do shoot me an ask, but please – please! – keep it spoiler-free.

(If you’re in doubt over whether something counts as a spoiler or not: Don’t send it. I’m serious.)

Back to the matter at hand: Now that all the Foxes have huddled into the Foxy Hol(e)y Court, it’s time for some real talk from Wymack.

           “Questions, comments, concerns? Anyone?”

           Seth pointed at Neil and said angrily, “I’m fucking concerned–“

           Neil guessed Wymack had heard this argument before, because he spoke over Seth like he didn’t hear him. “All right, then. Moving on…”

Ohhh, the shade. Get fucked, Seth.

#dicksoutforwymack

           “The death threats [they received last season] were creative, though,” Nicky said. “Maybe this time they’ll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let’s vote. I nominate Seth.”

Me too, buddy.

           “Fuck you, faggot,” Seth said.

           “I don’t like that word,” Andrew said. “Don’t use it.”

My MAN. <333

           “I would say ‘fuck you, freak’, but then you wouldn’t know which one of you I was talking to.”

           “Don’t talk to us at all,” Aaron said. “You never have anything useful to say.”

Get fuckin rekt, pissbaby.

You come into my house, you insult my newly adopted characters, you can fuck the fuck off.

Sadly, Wymack breaks up what had been shaping up to be the diss battle of the decade by dropping the Edgar Allan bombshell on them. The entire team freaks out (obvs), but no one more than Andrew – however, it’s weirdly not the Ravens’ transfer he’s mad about, it’s simply the fact that Kevin didn’t tell him.

           “When were you going to tell me?”

           “I told him not to,” Wymack said.

           “You picked Coach over me?” Andrew asked, and laughed. “Ohhhh my. Favoritism, deception, betrayal, how familiar. After everything I’ve done for you.”

What, what have you done for him, I need to know.

           “It’ll be fine,” Andrew said. “I promised, didn’t I? Don’t you believe me?”

           It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. The dead edge melted out of his eyes as he absorbed every ounce of strength Andrew could give him. The unwavering trust Kevin had in Andrew was amazing. How Kevin thought one psychotic midget could protect him against a family as twisted as the Moriyamas, Neil didn’t know.

Honestly, I can’t stress enough how interesting I find their dynamic. They switched from mortal enemies to BFFs within a season, and now they switch from viciously aggressive to almost tender within seconds. I need to know all their backstory and I need to know it now.

(Also, where’s the fanfiction at.)

           “Why does Kevin trust Andrew?”

           Renee smiled. “Because he knows he can.”

           “With so much at stake,” Neil pressed, as if she didn’t understand what was going on as well as he did. Maybe she didn’t. (…) She wasn’t like them. She was normal, or as normal as the Foxes could hope to be.

No, she fucking isn’t, don’t ask me how I know this I just know okay I know my murderous snowflake.

After this, Neil goes back to his roots in reminding us that he is, in fact, the Overlord of Angst™ in this book.

I joke about this, but those passages are always really well-written and super immersive, that is some bomb ass writing right there. Case in point:

           Kevin’s fear cut him wide open because Neil knew that feeling. Every day Neil woke up and relearned how to breathe. He gave himself two minutes every morning to calculate his chances of getting caught, weigh the benefits of staying wherever he was, and talk himself through his fear.

          Did Kevin do the same? The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same one Neil saw in his reflection.

Also ayy, back at it again with the Kevin/Neil parallels.

Following that is a lengthy description of Neil’s anxiety that I cannot quote simply because it’s too long. The key elements are this: Kevin, in all his fucked-up misery, still has Andrew to lean onto, while Neil is absolutely alone; Neil is deeply jealous of Kevin’s life, specifically of Kevin and Andrew’s trusting relationship; yet even though he hates him Neil still desperately wants to stick around to see Kevin succeed, and I fucking cry in a corner because that is too much for my poor shipping heart.

Give a girl a break.

           Finally [Seth] threw his hands up in disgust und turned on Neil. “And to make it all worse, I get stuck with a fucking amateur as a sub!”

Did I want a break? There it is. Assbrain McFuckface has graced us with his presence once again.

           Seth glared at Neil. (…) “We were supposed to make it this year. I trusted [Kevin] to pick our sub because he said he could get us past the championship death match. But this is repulsive.”

Your face is repulsive, Jesus Christ. Take a fucking chill pill, Gordon. You know this guy ten minutes and you’ve never even seen him play at all. Maybe try thinking outside of your tiny monkey brain and consider judging his game before you shit all over him.

(If anyone of you really likes Seth: I’m really sorry. But also: Why tf would you.)

Matt to the rescue!

           “At least give Neil a chance,” Matt said.

           “Day’s fucking with us,” Seth said. “It isn’t right.”

           “This attitude isn’t right,” Matt said, pointing at him.

You go, tall Billie Joe Armstrong. You’re good people.

The chapter’s almost done, save for one peculiar thing that happens towards the very end: Nicky loses Andrew – bad enough – and for some reason, turns to Renee to find him.

           Neil knew someone picked up by the way Renee smiles, but he didn’t know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.

           “Did I wake you?” she asked in lieu of hello. “I was hoping to talk to you tonight, but Nicky says you’ve wandered off. Oh? All right, then. I’ll try again tomorrow. Lunch, perhaps? Okay. Good night.”

They go on LUNCH DATES??? I’m so fucking invested in this Brotp. Goalie bffs 4 lyfe.

But seriously, who is Renee and why is she so magical.

Find out next time, I guess.

[minycrdjcsten-blog]

kandreil valentines day fluff

i was just discussing kandreil valentine’s w @twnyards so ive got a lotta shit to say, hope u enjoy whatever this becomes when i finish it lmao. it got me emotional and i wrote 1.8 k instead of 800 words but like shit happens and i made myself cry a little.

Read on AO3 (Fixed!)

The three of them suck at relationship stuff. Yes, sure, they love each other, they know each other, they’re absolutely in love with one another but they’re not in a ‘common relationship’ and it’s not because they’re three guys, it’s because they’re not common people. For starters, they’re professional athletes who play for different teams and have a hard time finding the perfect time to skype or to actually spend time together physically.

Valentine’s day gets ignored almost every year (Kevin tries once, it’s nice because Neil’s tired and he misses them so much), and Neil’s actually fine with that. He doesn’t expect Kevin to waste time on something like Valentine’s day in the middle of important stuff or Andrew to even make a comment on how gross people are during Valentine’s Day and it doesn’t bother him because he knows they love him. They’re happy, though sorta long distance makes it hard, but they’re fine.

He knows they won’t have that much time together if any, but he can’t quite stop thinking of how he really wants to make something special for his boyfriends, Valentine’s day or not. He doesn’t want to copy Kevin’s quiet day in the tub covered in glitter and colourful water, but he wants to do something cute and relaxing and fun because being out and about won’t make any of them comfortable.

He thinks of making the classic cupcakes but Kevin won’t eat them and it’ll be a waste of time (Andrew’d disagree, of course). He doesn’t want to make anything separate for them because the fuckers don’t need meaningless gifts they need something that’ll remind them of how much they mean to him and honestly if he could he’d just make them take a nap in their cozy bed with their cats and cuddle until the world ends but he can’t and also that’s a shitty Valentine’s day idea so he lets go of it.

Neil isn’t good at relationship stuff. He sucks at communicating important things, he forgets important dates and isn’t emotionally stable enough to be predictable. But that’s fine because the three of them are more or less like that. In a way they complement each other and spooning for comfort always helps him anyway. They’re not sweet, they’re not cute, but they’re fine and in love and that matters so much to people like them who’d thought for a long time they wouldn’t be able to truly love someone or have a normal relationship. Or whatever they used to deem as ‘normal’.

Internet’s got some ridiculous ideas and he sucks at understanding how the internet works still so it’s challenging to find something he likes. Everything’s about foodfoodfood and he’s not good at it and neither is Andrew (whose diet still sucks) or Kevin (whose diet sucks too but in a different way). So he decides to keep looking.

They’re clichés, yes, but he’s never had a classic Valentine’s day and he can accomodate them for his own purposes.

They day arrives. It’s not the fourteenth because Andrew had a match that day and he wasn’t free until the sixteenth but then again Kevin couldn’t catch a plane until the seventeenth and Neil’s there for days and days waiting for his boyfriends to finally get home even if his idea of a Valentine’s day sorta sucks.

Andrew gets there with flowers. Neil laughs at his face when Andrew says, “I found them on the floor, your fans, probably” but there’s a card that clearly has got Andrew and Kevin’s handwriting. He’s fucking gone and just lost for those boys, “Kevin won’t get here until five”

“Did you check on him?” Neil asks with a smile on his face and Andrew nods in annoyance. Of course he cares but he can’t say out loud because it feels a little like betraying his careless nature.

Andrew kisses him right after he’s answered their question and he lets go, lets himself melt in Andrew’s arms around his waist because he’s missed him so so much. Neil rests his head on Andrew’s shoulder and the familiar smell of cigarettes and Andrew’s cologne hits him and he wants to stay there forever.

Andrew goes for a shower immediately afterwards and Neil sits on the couch next to Sir and King and falls asleep there. He wakes up when the front door closes and he hears Kevin whispering ‘hello there son” to Sir and he feels so just happy to be there in a place he can share with his boyfriends whom he loves so much and are so special to him and fuck, he isn’t emotional but fuck it, he’s a little emotional right now.

Kevin’s got his suitcase in one hand, and a plastic bag in the other. Neil assumes it’s sweets for Andrew because it’s a special day anyway. He smiles at Kevin while he takes his coat off and hangs it and sighs contentedly when Kevin hugs his shoulders and awkwardly kisses his forehead. The position’s uncomfortable and Kevin’s a little too tall when Neil’s sat down but it still works and it makes Neil feel so warm.

“Hey” Andrew says from somewhere behind Neil, the kitchen table, he guesses, where Andrew’s using his laptop. Kevin gives him a peck on the lips before heading for the shower himself.

A few hours pass as they normally do when they’re together. Andrew sits on the couch petting one of their cats (he won’t call them his children, ever) next to Neil, who’s going through his twitter timeline trying not to get into discourse or pick up fights. Kevin’s taking care of dinner because if Andrew’s eating all that trash at some point he’s got to at least try to have decent meals. Neil agrees, but he doesn’t really care that much. He kinda loves it when Andrew gets a little bit softer.

Right before dinner he asks Andrew ‘yes or no’ and when Andrew says ‘yes’ Neil quietly thanks him and nuzzles into his neck. He kisses his cheek and then goes to Kevin to kiss his cheek too. Andrew rolls his eyes at him and Neil feels a little bit defensive but he ignores him anyway because if they can’t have a typical Valentine’s day together at least he’ll give them gifts.

He comes back with his gifts behind his back (because he’s excited, okay) and clears his throat to get their attention.

“For fuck’s sake” Andrew sighs and Kevin looks at him with a smile.

“I know we don’t do stupid celebrations and it’s not about that but I really fucking missed you and don’t look at me like that, Andrew, you agreed to get me fucking flowers. I missed you, I missed you so much and I want you to have something stupid to think of your other stupid boyfriend when you get lonely” Neil finishes.

It’s not much, but he gives Andrew an actual CD with a playlist he’ll probably get frustrated at because their songs are about runaways, about being someone, about loving someone, about helping each other and holding onto each other the way they did. It’s about wounds and healing and being desperate and being home.

His gift for Kevin is a stupid poem he read once about chevaliers and feeling lost and loving desperately and never giving up. It isn’t his but he took his time handwriting it in an actual bookmark and Kevin smiles as if he remembered something important but Neil didn’t remember, he’s always known Kevin’s favourite authors and favourite things.

“I’ve stuff too” Andrew says because he won’t fucking do what Neil just did and cry about how much he loves them. They know, they’ve always known and his affirmations are a reminder, his bruising kisses or gentle hands are a reminder of how much he needs them close to him. Andrew’s gift for Kevin is a jar with heart shaped vodka gummies to be consumed asap (they can share, it’s fine). He gets Neil a pack of cigarettes with little hearts carved at the end of the filters. It’s for keeping not for smoking, he says and Neil smiles because it’s Andrew’s favourite brand and because there’s one missing.

Kevin still hasn’t finished setting the table by the time they’ve exchanged gifts but he leaves the plates on the counter instead and puts his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, “I’m letting you eat cake for a whole day” He tells Andrew and he scoffs in response as if he needed permission or something, “In fact, I don’t even expect you to leave any chocolate for the rest of the week” He says and Neil laughs because it feels so domestic and stupid and it’s the happiest he’s ever been because his boyfriends are there and Andrew’s hands are suddenly on his waist and he’s getting a bit distracted while Kevin goes fetch his own gifts for them because of course once the tradition of ignoring Valentine’s day was broken by Kevin Day, the queen of Exy (and drama) himself, they couldn’t help it.

“You got me a fucking Exy jersey?” Neil asks taking the red jersey in his hand and inspects it.

“An old jersey” Andrew adds quirking his eyebrow and Kevin sighs, “You possessive fuck” He adds, almost teasingly and Kevin smiles openly at both of them.

“I know Neil likes wearing my clothes” He says defensively and Neil rolls his eyes, but it’s true, he actually loves wearing their clothes and stealing a shirt or anything, really, when they have to leave again, “I got you- Don’t look at me like that” Kevin says in annoyance at Andrew’s expression. He’s inspecting his gift curiously now, “it’s coupons, but for things you might like because I’m not an asshole who steals ideas from the internet”

“Yeah sure” Andrew says. One of the coupons says ‘redeemable for: one full day without me complaining about your diet’, another says, ‘redeemable for: marks. you can leave marks wherever you want to’ because Kevin never lets them leave marks in obvious places, and so on. Andrew can’t wait to redeem the really dumb ones, “You didn’t even handwrite them”

“I’m busy” Kevin retorts and continues setting the table.

Dinner’s quiet but in a nice way. It’s warm, and Neil feels just so good for being there with the two of them. It’s nice to fall asleep between them in the couch watching Cosmos, his hand in Andrew’s and Kevin’s head resting on his shoulder. It’s nice to wake up to Kevin’s kisses on his face and Andrew’s curious look. It’s perfect when he hears a whispered ‘good night’ and a grunt from Andrew as he yawns and lets himself be comforted by the smell of Andrew’s shampoo and the touch of Kevin’s cold feet. He never wants to let go.