#I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SDKFJDKSF

[lovesickval3ntine]

WRITING BS

SOOO I finally finished this damn thing, Im working on getting it on my ao3 (but tags r so fucking UHGG) so I'm gonna post it here! tw for saw stuff ofc, also title recs r welcome! cuz I suck at titles.

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The odor of blood and decay suffocates Adam as it radiates throughout the pitch-black bathroom.

Zep's lifeless body lies a few feet in front of him, his body bloated and discolored, he vaguely feels maggots squirm on his ankle, eating away at the dying flesh around the raw welts but he can't bring himself to care. 

Adam shivers as he leans against the cold pipe of the bathroom, the bullet wound on his shoulder burns as it rubs against the fabric of his shirt, causing him to groan and squeeze his eyes shut in pain. 

In his feverish daze, he wonders if Lawrence will return for him.

He promised, Lawrence promised, he wouldn't lie to him. 

Would he?

Adam stares at his hands in front of him as he flickers in and out of consciousness, they shake violently.

Adam feels his hunger deep in his bones, leaving him aching and weak. He lets his head fall into his weak hands, furiously shaking as he begins to hear an all too familiar voice. 

"I wouldn't lie to you” a familiar voice whispers harshly against his ear. Despite the words being said, the voice makes every muscle in Adam tense in fear.

"You're not real, shut up!" Adam grits out between clenched teeth, his voice dry and strained as it echoes throughout the empty bathroom, his fingers itch for a cigarette now more than ever.

“It doesn't matter now, does it? You're dying Adam” The doctor's calm voice says, devoid of any emotion.

As Adam attempts to hold back the tears that threaten to fall, he clamps his hands over his ears roughly to muffle the echoing whispers of Lawrence.

It doesn't help, his voice sounds just as close and clear as it did before. 

Tears start to fall off Adam's sunken cheeks and sharp jaw as he finally breaks out in sobs, strained apologies, and confessions are whispered frantically. 

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry” Adam cries as his wails echo around the bathroom, “I want to live, please let me live, please come back” he whispers as his grip around his ears tightens.

Adam passes out with his head in between his arms for what has to be hours before he jumps up, woken up to bloodcurdling screams echoing all around him, his skull vibrates from the volume as he recognizes Zep's screams, the screams he caused.

But Zep was dead.

Wasn't he?

Adam slowly opens his eyes (when did he close them?) and looks a few feet in front of him where Zep’s corpse is supposed to be, he can smell the decaying flesh and the metallic blood covering them but Zep's body is gone, even in the dark bathroom he can tell that Zep’s body is gone.

Adam strains his eyes to make out the details in the darkness, he frantically looks around as things come into focus, Zep had to be in the bathroom with him. 

He remembers the feeling of warm blood splattering onto him, covering him in the sticky red substance. He remembers when Zepp’s skull cracked under him as his adrenaline-filled body smashed, smashed, smashed away Zep’s only chance at life. 

Adam looked around the bathroom as best as he could when he noticed a glint of metal in the bathtub, and sure enough, Zep's rotting corpse lay at the bottom of the bathtub with his gun lying in his left hand and his tape on top of his chest. Adam reaches his arm towards Zep's gun and just as his fingers whisper over the handle of the pistol Zep's rotting arm reaches up and grabs the small of his wrist with bruising strength. 

“There are rules” Zep’s corpse whispers as he yanks Adam by the wrist roughly, making him hiss. 

“you should be dead,” the corpse whispers calmly, “You wanted to die” Zep digs his blood-covered fingernails deep into Adam’s wrist, Adam winces and uses the rest of his strength to rip his wrist out of Zep's hold and sink back into the corner, laying his head against the chilled pipe behind him.

Zep continues to whisper nonsense Adam can't quite make out through the pounding of his head, bright hot pain shocks him as it runs through his body in a wave.

Adam shivers and tries to hold down the bile that attempts to work its way up his throat, if he keeps losing fluids he knows he won't be able to stay conscious much longer. Adam screws his eyes shut in an attempt to catch to stop the violent hallucinations and flashbacks.

Adam shakes as he claws at his ears, the desperate screams of Lawrence and Zep echo throughout the bathroom, shaking him to his core. His tears roll off his cheeks freely as he shakes from the force of his sobs, blood drips down the sides of his jaw, mixing with the tears and dried blood on his face.

Despite the blood and tears running down his face and hands, he continues the painful grip around his ears, despite how it doesn't dampen the cries and shrieks that echo around him.

Adam pukes, bile and stomach acid splatter across the floor beside him, far too exhausted to move from his spot. Adam gags as the putrid smell reaches his nose and reminds him of all the decay around him.

Adam is the cause of it, he is the cause of all the decay and death that surrounds him, the decay that suffocates him and makes it next to impossible to breathe. 

Adam finally releases his tight grip around his ears and wraps them around his stomach, which is oh-so empty, and squeezes at his sides slightly. 

He knew he was most likely going to die alone, a nobody, someone who would rot in his apartment till his body started to decompose, rotting and melting until someone complained about the smell or something. Even in death, he would be a bothersome nobody.

Adam didn't want to die alone, he truly didn't want to die at all, he just wanted something to change. He got his wish in the end though, didn't he?

He lets out a choked sob and curls into himself more, his game was rigged from the start, he was destined to fail from the moment he drained that damn bathtub, and who knows, he might be dead right now and this is all a part of some post-death hallucination.

What Adam would give to see the light beyond the bathroom door, know he wasn't forgotten,  know Lawrence will return to him. 

He knows that he won't live long despite the running water in the tub, water won’t calm the burning infection running through him, or the hunger that pains him deep down in his bones.

Adam claws at his sides as he trembles, the pain providing some sort of clarity in his hazy thoughts so he can catch his breath, which is harder than it should be, every breath is shallow and wet as he tries to even it out. Adam doesn't want to die here, he wants to go back to his shithole apartment make sure the cat that wanders outside of it is ok and fed, call his mom back, and apologize for not answering her calls.

The first couple of days he was locked in the bathroom he screamed and wailed for what seemed like hours on end before he eventually passed out in exhaustion, once he woke up the cycle repeated until the hallucinations started.

Once he started hearing Lawrence and Zep whispering into his ear, he would wake up screaming and flailing around before the pain in his shoulder or leg knocked him out of his panic. 

He can't even remember the last time he slept without waking up screaming because of a nightmare or a hallucination, hell sometimes it was a combination of both, this combination made sure he never got much rest.

Adam is used to being sleep deprived, hell half the time he would only get a few hours a night, developing the number of photos he takes is time consuming, to say the least.

But the exhaustion he is feeling is like none other he has felt before, it takes so much energy to do something as simple as breathing, he would do anything to sleep interrupted. 

As Adam's eyes droop he is shaken awake by a piercing noise, the sound of metal grinding against the floor vibrates him to his bones.

The door, Lawrence must have kept his promise. Adam almost cries as the dull yellow light from outside the door shines in and illuminates the blood and decay that is splattered all over the bathroom.

A small figure walks in, their boots clicking against the ground as they walk closer to Adam, the shadowy figure sits on the edge of the bathtub and stares down at him. Now that Adam can see them better he can see their spiky, unkept hair.

“I have a question for you Adam,” The strained feminine voice echoes throughout the bathroom, it sounds like they have been crying, “do you appreciate your life?” they ask, voice wavering.

Adam coughs wetly as he tries to find his voice, it seems so long since he last spoke. He opens his mouth before snapping it shut quickly, trying to find the right words for what he wants to say.

“I-I think in the past I didn't,” he pauses and catches his breath before speaking again, only this time much softer “but now a-all I want to do is get home and get better, move on with my life and stop being afraid of every damn thing,” he says angrily with tears building in his eyes.

Adam grips his stained shirt tightly in his fists as he stares at the mysterious figure, his fever riddled brain isn't thinking straight as he reaches out with a kind hand and places it on her knee, hell she could been the one that brought him into this hellhole but the pain in her eyes is too similar to what he sees every day in the mirror.

The girl freezes and looks down at him with soft eyes, “Don't worry Adam, I'm going to help you get out of here” she whispers with glossy eyes as she places her delicate hand on top of his, rubbing her thumb across his boney knuckles comfortingly.

“P-please” he pleads as his grip on her tightens, “don't leave me just yet?” he asks as his voice breaks and tears start to fall from his eyes. 

The woman simply nods and sinks off the bathtub and onto the bloodied cold floor to sit next to Adam. He looks at her with tired eyes as she brushes his sweaty hair out of his face and holds his jaw lightly

“You're real right?” he whimpers out pitifully, leaning into the woman's touch.

“Yea Adam, I'm real, I promise” she giggles wetly before pulling him in for a hug, careful of his injuries.

Adam leans into the warm hug and wraps his arms around her waist gently, it's been so long since he last had a hug. His body shakes as he sobs into her neck, and his tears fall onto her shirt but neither of them cares, they stay like this for a while until the woman breaks apart the hug, she wipes his tears with her thumb before grabbing a water bottle behind her (when did that get there?) and handing it to him, urging him to drink some.

Adam grabs the plastic water bottle with a tight grip and chugs it quickly before handing it back to her, he wipes his mouth as he watches her stand up.

“I have to go now Adam, hang in there, I promise help is coming,” she says confidently before walking towards the metal door, her combat boots clicking against the tile as she walks away from Adam. Once she gets outside of the door she waves awkwardly before shoving the door shut roughly, plunging the bathroom into darkness once again.

As unlikely as it is, Adam hopes and prays that the woman is real, and that he will get help and survive.

As he finally drifts off to sleep, he thinks of the cat outside of his apartment, maybe he can finally take it in and care for it.

Such non-judgemental creatures they are.