#I KNOW that when you ask for my AGAB it means ''how should I misgender you in my head''

[my-chemical-rot]

Full offense but if you ever refer to me by my sex assigned at birth in any capacity, that is misgendering and I will murder you to death with hammers

[velvetvexations]

Object of Affection (2)

Hey Velvet Nation! The person who commissioned Object of Affection, which I wrote a short while ago, asked for a sequel and here it is!

As before, this one is pretty heavy, even heavier the first, so please read the content warning carefully! The idea behind these were to write something no concerns for anyone getting off on it except myself.

Warning:

The following artistic exploration of a hypothetical relationship between a dom and sub is very intense, and portrays extreme abuse that should never happen IRL, so please take the time to think about if that may be triggering for you before clicking through. It’s told in the second-person, which may make it worse.

Content warning for physical abuse, emotional abuse, non-con, drugging, unsanitary, gaslighting, isolation, and ableism in just about every way it's possible to be ableist short of slurs. Seriously, if you're sensitive to ableism especially, steer clear. There is some referenced misgendering kink directed at the reader, but not directly, and both the reader's AGAB and gender identity are kept ambiguous. There is a brief paragraph referencing ABDL themes.

Please keep yourself safe, your comfort matters. <3

______________________________________________________________

Mmm. Just like that. Stay absolutely still. Tight, aren’t they?

I think I like you like this. Don’t complain, now. Your limbs haven’t broken yet, have they? As long as you don’t put any undue stress on them, you’ll be fine. Just very, very sore. Now seriously, be still, or I’ll give your knee some undue stress with a golf club. And if it gets damaged punishing you, that’s your fault too, got it?

Heh. Do you have any idea how stupid you look? Stupider than usual, I mean. All tied up on a table in the living room, right between the couch and the TV so I can look past you while I watch the TV up above the fireplace. My little work of modern art.

You were an embarrassing mess last night on our double date, you know. Like always. The boy was way prettier than you, and not in a way you could take notes on. His facial structure, the bones or whatever, was just more attractive and pleasing to the eye than you’ll ever be. You’re always going to stay an ugly piece of garbage. No wonder his owner didn’t even ask about fucking you, huh? Not that I would have let her, since you are still my ugly piece of garbage, which has meaning even if it’s the one and only thing that that keeps me from cutting you open and throwing you away. That’s why I didn’t accept the offer to fuck her’s, because we’re monogamous, you and I, even if the only way we have sex is you watching me jerk off.

Careful. Don’t wobble, or you may fall off, and tied like you are you’ll definitely land wrong and snap something like a twig. That’d be funny, but do you have any idea how annoying it’d be for you to be disabled physically like you are mentally? I already have to tend to your every fucking need, your chores are the least you can do to pay me back and not just be a constant drain on my time and energy.

Oh, look at you blush, as though you still somehow have the capacity to feel embarrassed by how much you need me. Remember last night when they asked me all about you like you weren’t even there? It was fun watching you squirm when I told them how I go to the bathroom with you to wipe your ass because you’re too much of an empty-headed loser to do things like that by yourself. They were so shocked. I could see the sweat running down your face when they both finally looked at you and asked “Really?” like you’d said you’d seen a UFO. That was as close as you get to looking cute.

I like being in charge of those tiny aspects of your life though, though. I think they had a problem understanding what I got out of it, which is funny in and of itself. Like, do you know how much of an unlovable freak you must be for two separate people to be completely bewildered by what I saw in you? How I could possibly enjoy having a partner I have to spoon feed to keep them from hurting themselves?

Shut the fuck up, you know it’s your fault the forks cut your mouth up so often. It’s not like I sharpened them or something, that’d be insane. You just manage to fuck up sitting still and being fed.

But like I said, I like that. If you weren’t an unlovable freak someone else might love you, and you have no idea how much that would piss me off. They can find you pleasant as they like, but why should I have to share loving you with them? I’m still so angry about when you broke down last year having a crying fit over how much everyone but me hates you. I have NPD you little ableist bitch, why isn’t my love good enough, why do you need to horde it from other people too? You should be thrilled that our relationship is that closed off because it means a narcissist has you completely to themselves. You’re the perfect partner for me because you repulse everyone else who comes into contact with you, and it’s exactly because of selfish bullshit like this.

I guess I should be thankful for that. Listen, just because I enjoy all the ways you’re so loathsome doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Don’t be proud of anything. Just be satisfied and content that your misery gives my heart a throbbing erection. I’ll compliment you for your failures when I feel like it.

For instance, not being able to feed yourself? That’s so...well, it’s not cute. It’s a burden on me and it should destroy every last speck of your self-worth, but that’s exactly what you need to understand as a good thing. The fact that you sit there and literally wet yourself from fear when I bring out the silverware every day is gross and irritating, but that you’re suffering a trauma response by doing something so gross and irritating – and shameful – is endearing as fuck.

Are you still moaning about having your arms and legs bent like that? You’re such a big baby. I should start treating you like that more, shouldn’t I? I haven’t let you wear anything helpful for dealing with you fucking up your pants on such a regular basis because I think it’s funnier when I make you make a mess, since, you know, you always have to clean it up yourself anyway, but maybe it’d be fitting watching a whiner like you waddle around in a big dorky diaper.

Ugh, don’t cringe at me like that. You know you’ll do whatever I want you to. You already wear clothes you hate. I don’t think I’d get much satisfaction out of dressing up a cis person in those ridiculous outfits, but I love seeing the dysphoria making your skin crawl, especially when we go out in public.

That reminds me, you’ve been doing good on picking your nose without me having to tell you to. Figures your one talent is showing everyone how gross you are.

Anyway, like I was saying…no, misgendering a cis person just doesn’t have the same ring to it. See, here’s the thing you need to understand, okay? I’m a trans woman, and as much as I love getting off on how stereotypically negative an example I am, I do just get those nice euphoric feelings when someone calls me by the right pronouns. I’m not transphobic. I’ve read all the science. It’s not just one of the many ways your brain is broken, gender identity is as valid as anything can be.

So imagine how thrilling it is to invalidate it, even knowing and fully believing that. If I were just a transphobe, what’s the fucking point? You give me a million chances to make fun of you for being deluded at best and a loathsome liar at worst. I don’t need to go to your gender for that. The exciting thing about dressing you in the wrong clothes, and making you wear the wrong pronouns pin, and writing your deadname on the wall in front of your cage where you have to stare at it…is that it hurts you. Your gender is as real as your bones, which means I can break it just like I can them, only screwing you over that way won’t make you a worthless invalid.

But that means I have to reinforce it, too. Can’t have you getting used to it. People in the closet can bury the pain, and so could you, if I let you. So I gender you correctly, most of the time, so that you and I are both fully aware I’m stabbing you with a knife when I don’t.

Fuck, it’s hot when you cry. You’re getting me hard on purpose, aren’t you? I’m trying to watch anime, weeb that I am despite still somehow being above you and owning your ass, and all you can think of is how much you wish my cock wasn’t still in my pants. Fine. This is what you want, right?

Go on, watch me, you little creep. Look at my hand going up and down my dick, stroking to the cute girls on the screen. Has it ever occurred to you how pathetic it is that staring while I masturbate to Japanese cartoons is your definition of sex? You’re so pathetic.

I’ve had this new idea though…we don’t even need to untie you.

No, we’re not going anywhere, but I like that you assume that every time your face is level with my rear. That’s a good kissass. Let me just take these pants off though and…yeah, okay, you get the idea. Shut up, I know I don’t have to grab your hair and force you between my cheeks like this, I like being unnecessarily violent, how fucking hard is that to understand?

With how hot it’s been lately, I’ve been sweating so much it feels like I’ve lost half my body wait just dripping off me. And I haven’t felt like shaving my body hair in fucking ages, so I’m just kinna covered in a carpet drenched with sweat. Seriously, have you ever seen a man this hairy? I’m a woman but sometimes when I’m feeling lazy you can barely see my skin for the slick, sweat-soaked hair covering me from the neck down.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, lick bitch, just like that…it’s just like pussy, isn’t it?...I deserve to get eaten out like a girl...you make me feel so girly...

Ughhh...fuck...

Mmmhhh…you really are capable of providing a service once in awhile. Fuck though, I got it all over my hands again. Whatever, let wipe it off with your hair, that’s what it’s for. Remember when I got a big handful of that greasy hair of yours and jerked off with it? That was fucking disgusting, but hot too, so I don't see any reason to wash your hair more often.

Fucking hell, that was nice. Where do you get off wanting to be loved by other people, anyway? Can you imagine your old friends and family watching you lick a hairy asshole? If they didn’t hate you already, they would then.

But they do. Hate you already, I mean. They had to put up with you for over two decades since you were born, how couldn’t they? It’s infuriating that you still sometimes insist you remember being told you’re loved, as if you aren’t obviously just lying to yourself. Every time they seemed like they didn’t hate your guts was just them trying to get through the day with polite fiction. How could you think otherwise after I got them to record how they really felt about you? I really thought hearing your mother say you were an unwanted piece of shit that ruined her life would have had an effect, but I guess my effort to cure you of at least one of your delusions was a waste.

Did you think I faked that somehow? Like I could just clone people’s voices? Grow up. I should let you read more about the world to keep this silly sci-fi stuff from getting in your head, but you can’t handle that kinna information overload. You can barely even read a picture book.

You have me, though. You have me and always will, just like I’ll always have you, because you belong to me. You’re my property. Everything you do is because I want you to do it. Everything that happens to you is because I want it to happen to you. To even call you a “toy” would be accurate, but an understatement nonetheless. You’re my beloved. No one else could ever be my one and only, my partner.

I love you. Maybe I should say that more.

Aw, fuck. You’re going to get on my nerves later being able to do even less than usual, but I think I want to see you land wrong anyway. I’m going to kick the table over and see what happens, and if you disappoint me I’ll just have to get the sand wedge after all, so try to make it good.

Ready or not…

______________________________________________________________ link to the first story

If you like my writing, please consider commissioning something! My prices are very cheap at only $5 per 500 words.

[obstinatecondolement]

I mean like, as a non-binary trans person who prefers they/them pronouns (in settings where I'm comfortable being out) who is closeted and has limited emotional, psychological and physical energy to 'make an effort' that effectly communicates a disconnect from what people consider the 'obvious' way to gender someone with my body type, vocal register and hair length (forever annoyed that being bad at scheduling haircuts for months at a time reads as 'choosing' to have a 'feminine' hair'style' but whatever), it does kinda hurt my feelings when trans people who exclusively use he/him or she/her pronouns, and who pass well/make a very obvious 'effort' to present as exclusively masculine or feminine, say things like "If you misgender me you look like an idiot, because I Obviously look like a man/look like a woman."

Because like... I get it, and I do get the frustration of cis people defaulting to the pronouns associated with someone's AGAB if they knew them before they came out/after they find out their trans, or if they default to they/them in the same circumstances, and that is transphobic and it does suck, as is the all too common thing where visibly trans people are the only ones asked for their pronouns in nominally trans friendly events.

But, like... it's never obvious what someone's gender is. You can make a pretty good guess most of the time, but you can never know with only visual cues to go on. And that's like... kinda the point of asking people what their pronouns are, under ideal circumstances.

Someone could have a full beard and be dressed in a suit and want you to use she/her pronouns for her. Someone could look indistinguishable to you from an AFAB he/they transmasc and be a they/she transfem. Someone (me) could "obviously" "look like a woman" to you and find that assumption deeply hurtful. And I don't think misgendering people like us is inconsequential compared with respecting conventionally gender conforming binary trans people? It feels like this is a perpetually hot take, but closeted, non-passing and GNC trans people are as trans as any other trans people and respecting our wishes about how we want to be addressed and spoken to about that should not be considered a lesser priority?

Like, again, I am not for one second denying that efforts to normalise asking for people's pronouns and not assuming people's gender has put scrutinising visibly or out binary trans people in a highly othering and transphobic way to the very top of the agenda for cis people who are trying their best and misunderstanding the brief, trying their best and defaulting to transphobic biases they have not unlearned, not trying their best and actively trying to be hurtful in a way that flies under the radar, or some other explanation on another point in the innocent but hurtful to actively malicious spectrum. And that isn't okay and the needs of people hurt by this should also not be a lesser priority than mine. But, like, I feel like there has to be some kind of middle ground here between 'are you a boy or a girl' woke edition and 'you must be this passable to use these pronouns and you're a fucking idiot if you think I should ask before making assumptions.'

[doriana-gray-games]

If it`s a strange question, feel free to ignore it. Heads up, English is not my first language. You said that Sherlock`s gender will affect the gameplay, right? I have a thought or two about fem mc, but nothing on nb one. Will we be able to experience "misgendering" of some sorts? Yes, we were referred as "Ser" so far, but considering the time period we are bound to have some...episodes: Sir/Madam may appear (or Sherlock`s agab may pop up in general), some prejudice towards such people,etc.

Not a strange question at all! ☺️

This is similar to the topic I discussed the other day, in that, I still have decisions to make about it and nothing is completely decided yet. As the game is written right now, which I only did because that’s how I saw most games I played handle it, is that nb characters are treated very “unrealistically” for 1800s London. Meaning that, they are always referred to correctly or vaguely by NPCs. Which is probably not how Victorians would act. Most content right now is the same as either the man/woman Sherlock versions, with some light variations sometimes. So far the story doesn’t have as much unique nonbinary Sherlock content as I might like.

I would say I’m leaning towards changing that. Making the nb experience more “realistic”, include more unique content / references, but the problem with that is it comes with some negatives.

My idea was that I could add an option that was something like: you were born male/female? But you are neither (or something else—still working on it). And so some NPCs might misgender you, or ask for your preference, or be unsure what to say at all. If I did that I think it could make internal story logical sense to add more unique content around the player being nonbinary, as it would already be a topic that NPCs would bring up. But also, some players very much dislike, or feel really bad, when misgendered in a game. So it’s… hard, to decide. No matter what I do, quite a few people will hate it :(

One fix to it all would be to include everything, and to separate pronouns from nonbinary expression, and ask if the player wants to always be correctly gendered. I know that is what would be best. And I would like to make everyone happy. But I just, I think I would get owerwhelmed, to be completely honest. The games is complex as it is, especially juggling how NPCs treats the player in such instances, and I think I would be in danger of putting too much on my shoulders should I attempt it all.

As an aside, If i decide to add the more complex/”realistic” nonbinary game variant I would like to add the option for Watson to be nonbinary too. It’s something I’ve thought quite a bit about. But it would also be something that will be implemented later rather than sooner, and I can’t make any promises.

So, again, your opinions are always important to me. If you feel you are an affected player in this, know that commenting or sending me a message (anonymous or not) definitely sways my decisions. (Especially if cordial).

(Also: When I used ser I meant it to be non-gendered, I googled quite a bit to find some good non-gendered titles, but perhaps I was mistaken)

[northern-passage]

In regards to that last ask.... I do agree that it’s great to see so much trans rep in interactive fiction, and like... I love nb lea. It’s very clear that you’ve put a lot of thought into their experiences with gender and that does mean a lot. ...However, the thing that bothers me is that the player is the one that gets to determine Lea’s (and Noel’s) experience with gender. As a nb person that has also had a long, complicated journey with gender, I can say that my experience has been that, no matter how good their intentions are, if you give cis people even an inch of “wiggle room” (ex: saying you use she/they pronouns, you identify as a girl and a boy, saying you use any pronouns etc etc) a majority of the time, they will use what is most comfortable for them while using excuses like “But it’s kind of uncomfortable for me, and you use those pronouns anyways right? So it’s fine to refer to you as a [insert agab here] right?” (This is based off of things that I’ve seen or experienced, to be clear.)

And like maybe I’m just cynical, and obviously not every trans/nb person has the same experience, but it’s just uncomfortable to think that if a cis person doesn’t like the idea of a character being trans or nonbinary, they can simply choose for them to... not be.

On the other hand, I do understand that you want to be able to represent a variety of identifies and experiences, and that’s a difficult thing to do when there are only 4 ros. And again, though as a general rule I don’t like nb gender selectable characters (for reasons previously stated), I do really love nonbinary and trans lea because of the care you’ve taken to write them and their experiences.

So... in the end I’m not sure what the best thing to do here is. I just figured since the discussion is happening, I should give my two cents as a genderqueer person, as I feel like it’s important to get as many different perspectives when representing minorities. (In truth, I had been thinking about sending in an ask broaching this subject before, but I didn’t want to add more stress when it seems like you’re constantly dealing with assholes and I wasn’t ever sure how to approach you about it sjdkfflflflfl. I can only apologize for taking this long to speak up 😔)

no need to apologize! these conversations are always intimidating on both sides, and like i said this is something i've had a lot of discussion about already with a lot of people behind the scenes, so it's not like it's blindsided me or anything.

i know exactly what you mean in regards to cis people - i've actually had this conversation with some other authors and readers. you're right, at the end of the day certain cishet readers are going to purposefully ignore a characters identity, no matter what it says in the text; people already do this with clementine, all the way to just outright misgendering them or requesting them to be gender selectable, even though they are literally locked nonbinary. i knew this would happen all the way back when i first posted the demo on the forums (and this is also a big part of why i no longer am active on the forums and have locked the thread) and it's something i've just kind of had to make peace with.

i know nothing i do will change these people's minds, and i have no interest in coddling them or holding their hands - and honestly my stories aren't for people like them, anyways. however, that being said i also don't want to perpetuate anything harmful that bigots can misinterpret and use against marginalized people in their real lives.

and i definitely get where you’re coming from when it comes to gender selectable characters - generally i don’t actually mind it myself, and i actually like it when i can make an RO nb, but i do think it becomes a problem when the author uses it to uphold cissexist and heterosexist ideas of gender and drastically changes the character.

like f!version is short and petite and wears lots of makeup and has long flowing hair…. but m!version is tall and muscular and has short hair and wouldn’t touch makeup with a ten foot pole lmfao like that shit is painful. i haven't really seen this much in wips, to be honest, but more in published games with cog/hg.

this is also where you tend to see no nb options, except for MC, and no other nb characters in the whole game, which makes it feel incredibly insincere and like the nb customization was just tacked on to the character creator as an afterthought.

which leads me to say that i do think people that include nb as a selectable option for ROs don't do it with the intention of letting cis people ignore the characters gender identity, but more so that they can just include nb people. it's just unfortunate that there will always be people that will twist that and use it to invalidate the nb identities.

i have noticed more recently though that a lot of authors refer to their gender selectable characters with gender neutral language on blogs/in extra content outside of their games, and request that readers do the same, and in my opinion it makes the effort to include the nb option more genuine, and it's something i really like seeing.

i do feel like IF in general is trending back towards gender-locking characters, though, and i don't think that's a bad thing, since i also feel that it's trending towards being more diverse and inclusive as well. it's exciting to see more locked nb RO options, or ROs who are gay, lesbian, or trans, etc.

my biggest take away from all of the conversations i've had so far is that... it IS difficult to come to a real satisfying conclusion. i've had a lot of really positive feedback regarding lea's identity, and now i've had some more critical feedback about it, as well. ultimately, gender is something we can talk about until the cows come home and everyone will still have different opinions and experiences. and with interactive fiction, you want the game to feel inclusive of all different kinds of MCs but you also don't want to compromise the characters and their identities. it's a lot to think about!! but i really hope i can find a good balance going forward.

thank you for sharing your thoughts. like i said before, this is something i've been thinking on a lot and always have in the back of my mind while writing - not just tnp but writing anything in general.

[redinkofshame]

Some late night ramblings Re: gender and toddlers bc I can't sleep.

I mentioned a while back that my kid's pediatrician asked if he could tell boys from girls and how much it upset me, like, can you?? (<-- I regret not saying it. I should have.) At the time I said no, he thinks everyone is a boy.

I soon realized I was wrong; he doesn't think everyone is a boy, he just only knows/uses he/him pronouns. Boys are he/him, girls are he/him, inanimate objects are he/him. I've been working on it with him every time he gets it wrong (but it's not working at all)

Ignoring for a minute that I don't particularly like that my 3yo can correctly (or as correctly as anyone else) say 'that boy won't play with me' or 'that girl took the ball'... (Like, how can he tell? They’re just kids...) Even though he can't grasp pronouns I'm glad that he's exposed to gender neutral on a regular basis thanks to the librarian that does toddler time at the library, Mx. Jude. I feel like it's scary to tell parents your proper pronouns because so many people are shitty but I'm glad they did. I guess I should write a comment card or something? Or is that patronizing?

I've been working on my own pronoun use, too. I try to remember not to assume and to use neutral terms unless I know otherwise. Kinda hard to unlearn a lifetime of cis stuff but I try. Sometimes I mess up in my head at work -- hard not to make assumptions when speaking with a nurse named Angela -- but I (think) I always remember when leaving a note saying who I spoke to be neuter about it. 

It’s already paid off. Kiddo is in swimming lessons and his teachers rotate all the time so I was introducing him to the week’s teacher. I don’t know if I would have caught myself if it wasn’t easy to see that the teacher was wearing clothes that came from a different department than their AGAB but it slowed me down enough that I remembered to use a they/them, despite my brain telling me I could just assume their gender and sexual preferences based on a glance. I’m really glad I did bc when I tell you their eyes just LIT UP and being called they/them by a new parent. 

So much so even my mom saw it, I think. Or maybe she picked up on me continuing to use those pronouns when talking about them later? I don’t think I ever mentioned them again though. I do know that I saw mom use the correct pronouns weeks later when we saw them again, in that way where she had to slow down before she said it to remind herself to use they/them. I know it’s a struggle for her. It’s hard to re-learn! She’s very good about Mx. Jude in front of kiddo but sometimes will slip when talking to be about them. 

I probably slow down the same way, though I try not to. It doesn’t come naturally yet. But I’m glad that I’m working on it. And I’m glad people from my mom’s generation are too. 

I grew up with Fox News playing like 24/7, except when we were in the car: then it was Rush Limbaugh. I believed all the rhetoric. But occasionally something someone said would seem Too Unfair to me, and if was coming from my mom I would say so. One time a butch woman (I think. Who knows.) was spending, like, a long time primping her hair in the Target bathroom. Mom muttered something like ‘she’s spending an awfully long time on how she looks for someone who doesn’t care how they look.’ and I was like ‘who says she doesn’t care?? Just because YOU don’t like women with short hair doesn’t mean SHE doesn’t like it. You don’t know she cut it just to say ‘fuck you’ society.’ (though, now that I’m older and wiser, more power to them if they did. I also like to imagine they were getting ready for a date or talking to a cute cashier.)

She used to say It’s okay to be gay but they shouldn’t be *married* they can just have ‘civil unions’. It took me YEARS to stop believing that, but when I did I found an excuse to bring it up again so I could say something about it. 

And folks? It worked?? Like I didn’t notice at the time. I don’t think she really responded either time and the subject moved on. But even she still remembers that time in the Target bathroom because it left such a ‘o shit the kid’s right’ imprint on her, and it’s made her think about some things more critically.

But now we’re at a point that my mom will text me about how my kiddo loved playing with Mx. Jude today, just casually in a text. I didn’t even know where she learned that Mx. was a thing. She didn’t learn it from me.  (I’ve since gathered she probably learned it from the teacher.) I’ve never really talked her much about gender outside explaining why some people go with bi and some pan and some other ones out there. 

Which! Side note. When her teenaged nephew came out as bi to her sister, and then the sister talked to mom about it, mom was able to explain ‘just because someone’s attracted to multiple genders doesn’t mean it’s always all genders equally; sometimes it is, or sometimes people will still have some preference to girls or boys but are still bi’ because apparently of all the things I said to her about it that one was like a lightbulb for her. I have no idea why it mattered in the conversation tbh, only that she later said she was happy that she understood that now, thanks to me. 

I hope this isn’t patronizing to mom, and I don’t want anyone to think ill of her bc she’s super amazing and caring and works so stupid hard for this family. But it’s just great to see that other former Fox-News watchers can just learn to teach themselves to be progressive. 

(Dad’s changed a lot too but not in an anecdote-able way, not as socially, so idk how to describe it. Definitely thinks more critically though.)

 One more before I resort to sleep meds I guess. My cishet BFF just informed me that her spouse is a transwoman. She’s wanted to tell me forever (like 6 month I think) but they weren’t out about it yet and it wasn’t her place to tell, all I knew was that her and spouse were in therapy about something she couldn’t talk to me about yet. 

I focused more on her reaction to it when I was talking to her, because I know how much she hates secrets and has wanted to talk to me about it and I wanted her to tell me all the things she’s been holding back. And also their family’s reactions because they suck. (The reaction is that everyone thinks her wife is going to hell, even the wife’s mother.) But the first thing I asked was how to spell her wife’s new name. 

When the conversation was over and I had her permission to tell others I informed my spouse and mom, because they also know my BFF and might talk about her spouse and I didn’t want them to accidentally misgender/deadname her. 

My mom’s first question was how to spell her wife’s new name 😂 (and then if she was using she/her pronouns or smth else).

Idk. It’s exciting. I’m happy for all you funky little queer folk. I’m sorry my ass is taking so long to catch up. I’ll make sure my kiddo is better than me. Forgive him for misgendering over half the population currently (and most inanimate objects).

[naoto-lovemail]

Why is it harmful to see Naoto Shirogane as a girl?

[This is not an argumentative post. I am a trans man. This is meant to be educational anyone who denies or even gets aggressive at the idea of Naoto being trans.]

There’s already some posts about this, but I still wanted to make my own and dump it. I apologize for not putting this under a cut, but I feel like people will dismiss it otherwise. 

Naoto introduces himself as a boy. Naoto/ 直斗 is a boys given name that means “Honest Big Dipper”, likely not the name he was given by his parents at birth since he’s afab. He clearly doesn’t use his ‘natural’ voice, and tries to make his voice sound deeper, but it still sounds off. This implies he’s working on voice training still and hasn’t mastered his range. 

From just looking at canon art of Naoto, we can tell he binds. Sometimes he has a very clear bust, and sometimes he’s completely flat. In Line Sticker art, this is confirmed to be done with bandages. 

I bring this up because it’s important to establish: Atlus does not know what they’re doing. Safe binding is not a trans only resource. Cis afab cosplayers bind if they want a flat chest when cosplaying either flat chested women or men, so safety on doing this should be known. 

Bandages are not safe. Naoto is putting himself in danger just to make himself look flat chested. 

Let’s look at his shadow: 

Regardless of in boss-form or not, the shadow has a flat chest. If Naoto’s shadow was a part of himself that he was hiding from, and what he’s hiding is that he’s supposedly a girl, why does his shadow fully present as male? 

That’s not what his shadow is. His shadow is Naoto’s insecurities. “He’s not actually a boy. He’s childish. He just doesn’t like himself. He’s scared that people will see him differently if he was clearly a girl. He’s just doing this to success.”

Taking these thoughts that Naoto’s shadow expresses, it becomes obvious that he has internalized transphobia. He’s justifying why he identifies the way he does and telling himself he’s not really what he is. 

The game portrays these thoughts and insecurities as internalized misogyny that he needs to overcome. 

I don’t know how to tell you that telling an afab person who has said that they’re a boy that they are, in fact, really a girl with internalized misogyny is incredibly transphobic, toxic, and harmful. 

This exact mind set is the reason I personally and many other trans men are not allowed to start our medical transition until we are able to leave our parents.

For Naoto’s justifications, saying that it’s so he won’t be judged in the work place- His mother was a famous detective. There’s no reason he should have this fear, and even then, why go so far as he has? Voice training, unsafe binding, and for his work place to not know his agab or dead name? He would have had to legally change it. No one who is just pretending to be a gender they aren’t would not go through THIS much trouble. 

There’s also the tons of medical themes that Naoto’s shadow talks about, which- again- for a trans person, having medical themes and surgery on the mind, especially a ‘life altering’ surgery, it’s not that uncommon among trans folk who plan to medically transition. Why would a detective’s dungeon be medical themed when he has no medical traits to his character aside from, perhaps, his transition plans? 

Something that bugs me and I’m sure many others a LOT is how, as soon as Naoto’s shadow says he’s ‘actually a girl,’ everyone instantly begins to refer to Naoto as a girl. When this happens from a source that isn’t the character themself, it’s blatantly transphobic. If you hear about someone’s “actual gender” from a person who ISN’T that someone, talk to them about it. Ask them how they actually want to be referred by. 

Another small thing, but Kanji is meant to be gay but then they pulled “Aha, he has a crush on Naoto, so he isn’t ACTUALLY gay!” which, yeah, homophobic and transphobic. If a gay man likes a trans man, that is still just as gay as if he liked a cis man. Making Naoto ‘actually a girl’ was hitting two birds with one stone, and cishets- and even other queer people, sadly- ate that shit up. 

I’ll go over some arena screenshots now, thank you to @covecaller​​ for posting them. 

How much needs to be said about this one? It’s very common for trans people in unwelcoming situations to wish they were born as the gender they actually are, and it especially would make sense for Naoto. As soon as he was outed as afab, no one refereed to him as a boy and they never even asked him about it first. 

This is blatant transphobia. “You lack confidence in yourself” is word for word what my mother said to me when I came out to her. Calling trans people ‘lies’ or a ‘liar’ for their identity? Also blatant transphobia. 

You can look at the other arena screencaps Zach posted here. 

You can say all you want that p4 is old, so of course it’s going to be bad, but so what? Letting it constantly get off the hook and never criticizing the creators will give them a message. Letting things like this go hurts the minorities that that character is a part of, and this is backed up even less by the fact that Atlus STILL hasn’t done anything about it. There is still persona 4 content being made, and Naoto is still being sexualized when he is, by the way, 15-17 throughout the series, and misgendered.

Yes, Naoto is portrayed as a girl who isn’t confident in himself and has internalized misogyny in persona 4, but that’s because the creators see trans men as girls who aren’t confident in themselves and have internalized misogyny. 

Reblogs are highly appreciated, feel free to make your own additions with more proof if you feel like I missed out on something important with explaining why Naoto should not be portrayed as a girl.

[writeanapocalae]

A Guide for Writing Trans People

Written by a Trans Man. 

I’ve seen a lot of different posts on how to write trans characters (absolutely none on how to write cis characters and I am so lost on how to do that oh my goodness) but maybe I’ve got a different perspective and maybe I’ve got something you haven’t heard before. Let’s go! 

Terminology

There are a lot of different genders out there, not just male and female. Some people think Trans men and women are some outside of the binary extra gender, which is very much not true. While many trans people do fall outside the binary, there are a lot who are strictly male or female. Therefore their genders are male and female. The trans part is not part of the word, it is a definer to state that the person is transitioning, that is all. So when you write trans man or trans woman the words are separate, not transman or transwoman. 

A trans man is someone who is transitioning his appearance for society to view him as male. 

A trans woman is someone who is transitioning her appearance for society to view her as female. 

The reason I am wording it this way is because they were already their genders. They have always been their genders. Transitioning is greatly influenced by the way we are treated by society, the same way that beauty standards influence people to contour and get surgeries and whatnot. 

Demi means mostly in terms of gender so a demi boy is someone who is male most of the time and a demi girl is someone who is female most of the time. 

Agender is someone who has no gender

Genderfluid is someone who shifts from gender to gender

Genderqueer is someone who’s gender is nondefined by other terms

Two Spirit is a third gender that encapsulates masculinity and femininity (according to Wikipedia) that is only used by Native Americans 

Third Gender is a gender that can encapsulate or be a completely different solid gender like male or female

Nonbinary is someone who is somewhere on the spectrum between genders and their gender is defined by them 

Pangender is someone who has all genders

Androgyny is not something that actually relates to gender as much as it does presentation. Presentation does not inherently tell you someone’s gender. Being androgynous just means that someone fits right in the middle of societies expectations of male and female and their AGAB cannot be guessed by onlookers. 

AGAB AFAB and AMAB mean Assigned Gender At Birth, Assigned Female At Birth, and Assigned Male At Birth. At birth someone will often assign a gender to a baby based on their genitals and parents tend to show off what sort of genitals their baby has with accessories and colors. Pretty creepy if you ask me. 

FTM and MTF has been deemed problematic but many still use them. They mean Female to Male and Male to Female. The terminology states that the person’s AGAB is their initial gender and they are becoming the opposite when, as stated before, it’s more that they were always their gender and now society has to catch up. 

Gender Nonconformity can be practiced by anyone regardless of gender. It just means that they do things that aren’t expected of someone of their gender like men wearing skirts (for some reason?) or women growing beards or a nonbinary person not being androgynous (for some reason that’s become an expectation)

Intersex is not a part of the trans umbrella, even though it is often lumped in and people who are intersex can also be trans. It is a sex (different from gender) in which different parts of genitals and chromosomes and hormones are produced in a way that deviates from the norm. Many intersex people undergo genital reconstruction or reduction surgery when they are infants (and can’t consent) in order to fit the mold better. Intersex people can be cis. 

Cis just means that someone agrees with the people who assigned them a gender when they were a baby and how society treats them. 

Slurs: Don’t use them. There are a lot. If you see it in a porn category you probably should stay away from it. 

Pronouns

Pronouns are highly personal and can be a myriad of things so I will not be going over all of them. They do not always match presentation (a long haired man with breasts is still a man) and many people will use multiple sets of pronouns or fluctuate between them for what they feel most comfortable with. 

Common pronouns are: they/them, he/him, she/her

Less common pronouns are: xi/xir, fae/faer, it/its, e/em, per/pers, ve/vir, zie/hir

Neopronouns: People make up pronouns all the time since they are personal and these new pronouns are just as valid as any others. Someone made up his and hers after all. When making neopronouns the main thing to be aware of is consistency. You want the different forms of conjugation to make sense and you want to spell them the same way every time. 

Appearance

As has already been stated, there’s no correlation between gender presentation and gender and many trans people are unable to present the way they want to due to the economy, genetics, health, or community. Still, people do what they can to pass or feel comfortable in their body and these things need to be in mind during descriptions. People tend to think of the slight things that make people not pass are unattractive and will point out a woman’s 5 o’clock shadow or a man’s high pitched voice as flaws. These things do not necessarily need to be skipped over but they can be described in a way that doesn’t distract from the characters gender. 

Try to stop thinking of an hourglass shape as an intrinsically feminine trait and height as an inherently masculine one. There are cis women with full beards and cis men with round jaws. Exploring different features, combining them, and seeing how they meld will give your characters more depth and help with differentiating them from one another. A good rule of thumb is, if you mention something that people don’t immediately clock as the characters gender, describe it as gender accurate. 

Misgendering

This is another one that I would say don’t do but there are characters who the writers don’t always agree with. Misgendering is extremely harmful, puts trans people’s lives in danger, and can out them without their permission. The narrator should never misgender a character unless the character does not realize they are trans until the story is underway but this should be rare. The trans character would have no reason to ever misgender themself and may talk about how they presented in the past but will, most likely, still refer to themself with the correct gender. The POV character may misgender a trans character upon meeting them but after being corrected should fix their behavior unless you want your audience to dislike the POV character. Friends of the trans character should not misgender the character unless they are in a situation in which being correctly gendered would bring them harm, otherwise they’re not good friends. Family may misgender the trans character if they are not out or if the family members are terrible people. 

Dysphoria/Euphoria

Dysphoria is when there’s a painful discrepancy between mind and body, like when someone knows they are one way but they don’t look the way they feel. Misgendering can be a large cause of dysphoria, as can hearing a recording of their voice, reflections, binding and tucking not hiding what the individual may want to hide, height, muscle structure, bone structure, etc. 

Euphoria is the exact opposite of this. It is an extreme sensation of peace and joy in personal gender presentation. This can be caused by hormone replacement therapy, correct gendering, presenting in a way that feels natural, and acceptance. 

Dysphoria is not necessary for being transgender. 

Social Groups

Look around your friend group. Notice anything eerie? Notice how most of your friends are similar to you in a lot of ways, especially IRL friends? They’re people that you trust and expect to keep you safe while having a fun time with because you share interests and experiences with. Same for trans people. This is why, if you look at my friend group there’s 2 genderfluid, 1 agender, 1 nonbinary, 2 trans women, 1 trans man, and 1 cis man (who’s a cousin). If you have just 1 trans character in a group of friends it is going to read as a need for diversity points and that character is less likely to feel safe with discussing trans issues due to no one around them being able to relate.

Outing 

This is one that a lot of people have a hard time with and even trans writers mess up a lot. We all know the infamous scene of someone walking in on a trans person changing and, hopefully, we know that this is not only cliche but actually harmful as it tends to lead to the idea of “lying” when it’s really just not anyone’s business and that trans bodies must be on display. I would say that you shouldn’t have to out your character because coming out is dangerous for real trans people in a lot of situations and it normalizes the idea that trans people must doxx themselves at any moment but due to the lack of representation and the nature of novels, you pretty much have to out your characters. No amount of subtext will be as beneficial to a trans reader as cementing the fact that there’s someone they can relate to in canon. Luckily outing a trans character is a lot easier than people think. 

Some of us can’t shut up. A lot of trans people will hint at it a lot and just flat out say it if they’re in similar company. If we see people who we feel confident are also queer we often drop hints that we understand we’re safe, they can come to us (especially in a retail setting), because we want a community. The amount I bring up my masculinity is very very often, to the point I’m surprised people aren’t annoyed with me. I don’t pass very well so I wear a lot of brightly colored buttons that explicitly state my pronouns. There’s also this very strong urge to correct people who use gendered language for things that don’t need gender (like sexual organs and menstrual cycles). There’s nothing wrong with just saying that a character is trans. 

Resources

The best thing you can do for your story is research. The trans people you know are not google and they do not deserve to be treated like google. You can use google. Here’s some stuff I found on google: 

Dummies | Transequality | EverydayFeminism | Scriptlgbt

But no matter how much research you do it’s not going to be as useful as a sensitivity reader. Once your story is complete ask people to read it as beta readers and sensitivity readers and listen to the people that fit your minority characters. 

Some musicians to check out for inspiration

I have to recommend music. I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t. 

Agender: Angel Haze | Mood Killer

Androgyne: Florian- Ayala Flora | 

Genderfluid: Aja | Miley Cyrus | Dorian Electra | Jana Hunter | Ruby Rose |  Sons of an Illustrious Father | Eliot Sumner | Maxine Feldman | Chester Lockhart 

Genderqueer: Sopor Aeternus | CN Lester | Planningtorock | Chris Pureka | Sam Smith | Rae Spoon | Vaginal Davis | Ezra Furman | Randa | Vivek Shraya

Genderneutral: Grimes | 

Nonbinary: Arca | Mal Blum | Justin Vivian Bond | Adore Delano | Grey Gritt | Rose McGowan | Shamir | T Thomason | Beth Jean Houghton | Openside | Fraxiom 

Pandrogyne: Genesis P-orridge 

Trans Man: Alexander James Adams | Bettens | Little Axe and the Golden Echoes | Cidney Bullens | Meryn Cadell | Ryan Cassata | Quinn Christopherson | Beverly Glenn Copeland | Quinn Marston | Clyde Peterson | Schmekel | Lucas Silveira | Billy Tipton 

Trans Woman: 1.8.7. | Nadia Almada | Vacancy Chain | Barbra Amesbury | anohni | Estelle Asmodelle | Backxwash | Mykki Blanco | Namoli Brennet | Tona Brown | Sara Davis Buechner | Mya Byrne | The Neptune Darlings | Simona Castricum | Lili Chen | Jessie Chung | Coccinelle | Jayne County | Bulent Ersoy | Deena Kaye Rose | Bibi Anderson | Marci Free |  Teddy Geiger | Gila Goldstein | Laurie Jane Grace | Romy Haag | Ai Haruna | Juliana Huxtable | Mila Jam | Christine Jorgensen | Lady | Left@London | Amanda Lapore | Liniker | Jennifer Maidman | Michete | Trevi Moran | Angela Morley | Ataru Nakamura | Octo Octa | Dee Palmer | Kim Petras | Axis of Awesome | Katey Red | Patricia Ribeiro | Danica Roem | Jackie Shane | Breanna Synclaire | Sophie | Ramon Te Wake | Terre Thaemlitz | Cindy Thai Tai | Titicia | Venus Flytrap 

Two Spirit: Tony Enos | Cris Derksen

[mango-forest]

Not As Much

When Marino is twelve, he figures out that maybe he isn’t as cis as he thinks he is. He doesn’t really know what to do about it. He doesn’t have a “best friend.” Sure Kim invites him over sometimes, but he doesn’t feel like a best friend. So Marino tries to wing it. There’s a bunch of people online who talk about, some talk about how their soulmate took it. Marino isn’t really interested in that, he just wants to know who he is.

Marino starts using she/her pronouns. Only sometimes, when she feels more feminine. It feels better than he/him on those days, but sometimes he/him feels good too. Marino tried they/them as a main set after about three months of experimenting. They think they might be genderfluid, but in April they decide that no, nonbinary feels better.

When they come out to their parents, they can tell that Tom and Sabine don’t really know what to do. So they try to be patient, but it’s hard. Especially when there’s no one else they’re out to.

They start designing. Clothes to make them appear androgynous, more feminine, outline their masculine features. Marino sees the name Damian on their inner wrist every time they create an outfit.

One year later and they kinda sorta come out to their school. They ask their teachers to use the name “Marinette,” a feminine sort of name. People stumble unsurely over she/her pronouns, but that’s fine; they haven’t come out yet about that.

Sometimes Marinette lays wide awake at night and wonders about what name their soulmate has branded on them.

When the Gotham trip appears a few years later Marinette resigns themself to their fate. Lila will be there, and she always, always just “accidentally” misgenders them. Marinette’s pretty sure Rose told her about their agab and deadname. She always had trouble understanding, especially after they came out about pronouns.

The morning after they arrive in Gotham, the class is supposed to tour Wayne Enterprises. Marinette feels pretty nice, wearing a black skirt with matching leggings and a green and red shirt. But then Alya corners them in an empty hallway. “Hey,” she starts, tucking a hair behind her ear, “Lila showed me a few videos and articles about ‘nonbinary’—“ her hands make little aborted quotations from where they’re fiddling with her phone—“and maybe you should just leave that in Paris.”

“I—“ Marinette starts, confused, but Alya cuts them off.

“We don’t know if people here will be as. . . accepting of your—statement. Like, yeah I get it; I hate society’s expectations of gender as much as you do, but people here might not get the they/them stuff. So maybe stick with she/her here?”

“Wait, you think—what? I mean, maybe I will be better off trying not to test my luck with transphobia, but you think my pronouns are a—“

“Great!” Alya says with a big, relieved smile. “Glad you got it, girl.” She winks at the end of the sentence and Marinette tries not to gag.

Alya rushes off to the bus and Marinette stays a few minutes in the hallway, trying not to think about the fact that the liar got their best friend to become transphobic. When they finally feel like they won’t cry, they run down the stairs hoping that the bus hasn’t left yet.

When they get down there, they’re severely disappointed. There’s no sign of a bus, or their teacher, or any of their classmates. So Marinette sits on the steps and scratches at their soulmate’s name as they struggle not to cry. The name Damian has been burning since the plane touched down and Marinette can only guess that their soulmate is in Gotham.

So they sit there, in a pretty outfit, with light makeup on, Tikki pressing against them in the purse, soulmate mark burning, and their worn down sneakers tapping against the steps. Marinette doesn’t give attention to a pair of footsteps until they stop in front of them. “Hey,” a deep voice says. “Are you supposed to be with the class touring WE today?”

Marinette glances up and sees a pretty face. “Yeah,” they say.

“Do you need a ride? My brother is the tour guide, he decided that sending his brother is the appropriate response to a student being left behind.”

Marinette lets out a small laugh and runs a hand through their short hair, standing up. “My name is Marinette,” they say, offering their hand.

The boy’s—he’s around their age—eyes widen a bit and he shakes their hand. Once their hands touch, Marinette feels a sharp pain in their inner wrist then it lessens to a warm feeling that spreads throughout their entire body. “My name is Damian,” he says, and Marinette can’t hold back a startled laugh.

After a few moments, Damian hurriedly lets go if their hand, as if it’s just registering that people don’t hold hands for that long. “Oh, uh,” he starts, “are you—are you using—I mean. What pronouns do you use? I use he/him, but your name’s shifted.”

“They/them,” Marinette responds, watching his face.

“Okay,” he says, “I just wanted to make sure I’m not offending you.” And he smiles at them and they want to cry. Because no one’s just said ‘okay.’ There was always questions and insults and awkwardness and hatred and pity; but here’s their soulmate, taking it in stride and making sure they’re not being offended, and even if they turn out not to be romantically involved, Marinette will absolutely love if they can stay friends.

“Okay,” they say, because they can’t say any of that.

Damian cautiously thread fingers with them, and they let it happen. His hand feels warm.

“Okay,” he repeats.

[keiththespacekitty]

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

Trans Klance fic.

Tw: dysphoria, fear of rejection, Lance deadnames himself because he feels comfortable to do so.

It had been in his head for a while now- ever since it happened. Keith wasn't the type to get anxious, so the ball in the pit of his stomach was unfamiliar to him. He was pacing around, going for jogs around the castle, punching a punchbag, anything he could to satisfy his fight or flight response long enough to manage to put down some food without nausea rearing its ugly head. The words kept repeating over and over in his head- however benign they may have been, they still filled him with panic. 

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

It wasn't aimed at him- it was aimed at Pidge. But the idea that she'd kept her agab disclosed and had explicitly been using he/him pronouns, and still was seen as a girl, made Keith feel like everything was futile. The years of confusion and self discovery and finally gaining the confidence to start identifying as he truly felt- they all felt unravelled with that single sentence. It didn't matter who he was or what he did or how he felt. She, she, she. It was like a mantra in Keith's head, a constant intrusive misgendering. 

Keith felt sick and trapped. He felt like everybody was waiting for him to reveal he was a girl- that no matter what, that's how they would always see him, like it would have been easier to give up on himself. He didn't want to give up his identity. He was trapped in space and trapped in an awkward void of identity versus perceived identity.

He avoided everyone for the next few days. He couldn't bare it. Couldn't bare knowing everyone saw him as strikingly female. That no matter how much he would bind, no matter how many times he'd stabbed himself with a needle, no matter how much he let some stubble grow or how deep his voice was, all people would see him as was a walking womb- because that's exactly how the world saw women. He was a feminist- of course he was. He wasn't transitioning because he thought ill of womanhood- he was doing it because womanhood simply wasn't his to grow into and he loved himself enough to be honest about his identity. 

He knew that people found that hard to understand. He knew people found it hard to accept. He knew that everyone saw him differently, that everyone was waiting to bombard him with personal questions about what's in his pants, if he's had "the surgery" (which one? There's loads), how people like him have sex or kids. Everyone was always waiting like vultures to cross his boundaries and ask him questions and chastise him for "mutilating" his body and "ruining" his beauty and his chances at love. 

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

Keith couldn't get the words out of his head. 

And they weren't even aimed at him.

Pathetic. He thought of himself as pathetic. Lying in his bed with his face pressed into his pillow fighting back tears. This wasn't just pain. This was existential pain. This was his entire identity and he felt like his world was crumbling away. He knew who he was, and he was screaming out, but it wasn't right, his body wasn't right, the way people saw him wasn't right, because it didn't match. It didn't feel like his. Objectively he knew his body was great. It would be amazing on someone else. Except it wasn't on someone else. It was on him and his skin was crawling and writhing with the ghosts of expectations and the tendrils of dysphoria and incongruence that gripped him tightly and made a home under his skin. 

He read the Map Woman. Sure, the poem was about a woman, about her origins staying with her, but he could relate. He could relate to feeling like your past was branding you, he could relate to the urge to cover and shed it, but he also knew that it shaped him, painted him- his past was a part of him that he couldn't erase and it was important that he make peace with who he was and where he comes from in order for his skin to settle. He knew that his journey was important, and it was home- his past and his future didn't need to be at odds. They weren't two parallel lives- they were a map of who he was, the experiences that shaped him and his identity- his past and his present would shape his future, where new valleys and roads would embed themselves onto him. His past would remain deep within his bones so that his future could thrive beneath his skin. The old gives way to the new. Identity was a tower. You couldn't take away the deep roots of your past without the top collapsing down. His past, his pain, his journey- was important to him. Even if painful, it was significant because of that pain. He couldn't erase where he came from, when it led him to where he was now. 

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

Yes.

It was as simple as yes.

Yes, they were supposed to think he was a boy, because he was a boy, and only he got to decide his gender. They didn't get to force him into a box that wasn't his to sit in. 

He was allowed to put his foot down. He was allowed to set boundaries. Of course, he understood that people were allowed to be curious and confused, but he was still allowed to define his own identity and have it respected. He was allowed to fight for himself.

It was scary. 

Gods, it was so scary. But Keith knew that if he wanted to control his identity, he had to face the source of his insecurity. He had to leave his room.

He found himself on the training deck first- fight or flight, to quell the anxiety. He knew he'd be alone, so he could train safely without his binder trying to suffocate him for his stupidity. He managed to get in a good hour or so of training, before letting his feet carry him to the one place he knew everyone would be- at lunch.

He knew that lunch was the best time to rejoin the group. Hunk would immediately greet him with a "welcome back, buddy," and an extra large helping of food goo, and he could focus on eating and keep his head down and over the next few meals Hunk would gently coax him out of his shell and encourage others to engage too until it was no longer awkward. Hunk was good at understanding Keith's anxiety. 

So Keith did his best to work through the deep churning feeling, the unsettling writhing in his gut when the tendrils of anxiety gripped him tight and settled there. He walked in, and avoided eye contact, and sat down at the table. But Hunk didn't welcome him back in a casual tone.

"Keith?"

"Hunk."

Hunk gently set his food in front of him. "I saved you the best bits," he said, but he lingered.

"What?"

"Keith, buddy, we're all worried about you."

"I'm fine," Keith said, but he immediately regretted it. No, he was not fine, and he was screaming out for help inside, trapped behind the prison of his fear. 

"Keith, we both know that was a lie here. This isn't you."

"Isolating myself isn't me?"

"Well I mean- fair point. But we all know something's wrong, Keith. And it's okay if you aren't ready to trust us with what yet, but if there's anything that we can do to help or support you through this, we want to know. We're here for you."

The words swirled around in his mind again. 

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

He couldn't push them away.

"I need you to-... remind me who I am, again," Keith forced out quickly, "I need you to tell me how you see me. I just… I need to know."

"Keith," Hunk began firmly, "what's going on?"

"Nothing, I just-" Keith sighed awkwardly. He wanted to say, he needed to. But his fear stopped him. He sat there, tense, trying to keep his breathing steady and trying to push down the lump in his throat. Keith didn't cry. Not like this. Not for himself. Never for himself. Especially- especially not in front of a crowd.

"Keith, buddy?" Lance was looking at him in a way Keith couldn't recognise- at least, not on Lance's face. Lance looked like he hadn't slept out of concern. Keith had never seen him like this before. He felt guilty for causing it.

"It's just- it's hard," Keith managed. Of course, Lance's face lit up with mischief- he'd always try to lighten the mood.

"It's hard, huh, am I that attractive that my mere presence-"

"I'M NOT SOME GIRL YOU CAN FLIRT WITH, LANCE!"

Keith regretted snapping almost immediately. Lance was shocked, scared even, and Keith hadn't even realised he'd stood up and balled his fists. Lance finally began to stammer out an apology. "I- I'm sorry, I- I won't-"

"Look, I get that you might not wanna be flirted with," Pidge began firmly, "but maybe you could have worded that better."

"I'm not a girl, I'm not like you," Keith practically growled out. He realised too late why Pidge seemed angry- it wasn't because they thought he was a girl. It was because they didn't know. They didn't know he was trans. And Lance was flirting with him anyways. And it sounded like Keith was implying that Lance should only flirt with girls.

"If you don't wanna be flirted with, that's fine, we understand, but if you have a problem with Lance liking guys then get out of my sight!"

"Pidge, that isn't what I-"

The words haunted him yet again. 

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

But this time Keith felt ready to confront them. 

"Pidge, I'm not-"

"Not what?!"

"I'm not homophobic. I- I reacted the way I did because-"

"Because why?"

"Because I didn't realise Lance was gay. So I thought he was flirting with me because he saw me as a girl."

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Pidge countered. 

The fear gripped Keith again. He was afraid of hearing those words again. 

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

But he needed to scream out his truth.

"I'm trans." Keith was met with silence. "That's what I meant by I'm not like you. And that's what I meant when I snapped at Lance. Because I thought he saw me as a girl. And- that's why I've been hiding in my room, since… since you revealed your agab. Because- because Coran said- 'We were supposed to think you were a boy?'. Like- you- you hadn't given us your deadname, Pidge, you hadn't- you hadn't stopped using he/him pronouns. You were outwardly identifying as fully male. And yes, you aren't, and it really was just a disguise for you, so it probably didn't hurt you to be told you weren't very convincing as a boy."

Keith glanced around the room. They were silent, but it seemed to be because they were genuinely listening. 

"But it hurt me," Keith continued, "because it felt like those words applied to me too. That- everyone somehow knew, and that everyone was secretly seeing me as female. That people felt like I was just faking it. That in everyone's heads was 'oh that weird girl still thinks we see her as a boy'. That everyone could see right through me. That everyone saw me as a ruse, and an unconvincing one at that. And I'm not. I'm not- I'm not like you, Pidge. I'm not pretending to be a guy to sneak into school. It doesn't fill me with relief to hear people knew how I was born like it did with you. I'm trans. And I'm scared. I'm scared because my agab follows me around and I feel like I can't escape it. I felt like you all saw me as a girl, like you were all waiting for me to come clean. And I couldn't stand it anymore, so… yeah."

He looked around the room again.

"You were supposed to think I was a boy."

Keith finally took a deep breath, attempting to relax his body, but it immediately clenched up again. He felt so stupid. He must have been passing excellently and now he'd just outed himself and now they really would think he was a girl. He took a shaky breath, fighting the tears. He didn't want to cry, not like this. He froze up when Lance stood too.

"Keith, buddy…"

Keith forced out a breath that was threatening to spill tears, but the breath came out all too fast and all too shaky. 

"I'm sorry I made you so uncomfortable with my flirting. I guess I- I never felt a need to come out. I mean I know you've seen me flirting with Allura and Nyma and… a lot of alien chicks, but I'm actually bi. I didn't realise that you didn't know I was flirting with you because I'm actually bi and into dudes too. I didn't know that you thought I only liked girls and that you'd think I saw you as a girl, otherwise I would have clarified. I've just always been open about it, you know? I haven't exactly tried to hide it, I just genuinely thought that everybody already knew. And I know that it isn't my fault, before you say that, I know you don't blame me and I know I'm not at fault. I'm just apologising for the way you got hurt."

"Why would you even flirt with me," Keith asked brokenly, "why now?"

"I've kinda been flirting with you since the garrison, Keith," Lance began awkwardly. Keith heard a crunch- Pidge had fucking popcorn for this. 

"I didn't know you at the garrison-"

"Taylor."

"What?"

"You remember Taylor, right?"

"I mean yeah, she was always behind me in class with some stupid rivalr- ooohhhh."

"I started transitioning just after you left. So everyone here already knows I'm trans and knows my deadname. I assumed you did too. When I met you again I kinda assumed you'd recognise me so I brought up our rivalry and my name in the hope you'd like. Not call me my deadname not realising I was a guy. Then you didn't recognise me so a part of me was really glad but the other part was kinda disappointed. So yeah… I'm also trans and I may have a teensy crush on you."

"You have a what now?"

"I mean I'm kinda relieved you're trans too because like I was scared that- well I'm sure you understand the fear of dating as a trans person with the whole people seeing you as your agab thing or the very very tiny possibility of someone being attracted to you-"

"Lance."

"What?"

"You said you have a crush on me."

"I very suddenly have training to do-"

Keith grabbed Lance's arm before he could leave, and Lance flamed bright red. Keith wasn't one to confront his feelings, at all, but he was upfront and he wanted answers. "Lance."

"Okay, fine, yes, I happen to think you're very attractive and somehow I like your dumb personality too! I've been trying to flirt with you but you're oblivious and I'm scared and I know you're Keith and you don't feel things other than 'Keith smash face with sword' so I know you don't feel the same about a nobody like me-"

"Shut up, Lance!" Lance immediately shut up. "I don't mean like- don't talk about your feelings. I do want to listen to you and address these insecurities. But I need you to be quiet and I need you to push those aside for a moment because I need you to be direct with me here. When you say you have a crush on me, do you mean from a distance, or do you mean you'd pursue a relationship with me if you thought you had a chance?"

"My answer depends on if- on a scale of one to ten; one being a stab in the face and ten being decapitating me and slicing me into cat food sized chunks, how violently will you stab me if I say yes to the second one?"

"Lance…" Keith sighed, and lowered his hand on Lance's arm until he was holding his hand gently. He didn't know what to say- but Keith was impulsive and brash, so he didn't- he grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him as hard as he could. He would have regretted it if he didn't know Lance felt the same way. When he pulled back, Lance was puce across his cheekbones and to the tips of his ears. Keith only registered where he was when he heard the crunch of popcorn from Pidge. And then Keith turned scarlet. 

He was suddenly very aware of his surroundings and the audience, and very aware of the fact he'd just kissed Lance. "Gross," Keith protested, "do it again."

"Kiss me yourself you lazy quiznack," Lance protested. 

"Well I'm not kissing you again until you kiss me first!"

"Fine! Well I'm not kissing you until you kiss me, whoever caves first owes the other a week of laundry and I haven't done my laundry since we first arrived here!"

"That's gross, Lance," Keith said, "and you're on. I haven't done my laundry in a month." 

"Oh quiznack, you guys are gonna be so annoying," Pidge sighed. 

"Can we eat now that's all sorted," Hunk asked awkwardly, "because the sooner we eat the sooner I can bake like- a huge cake to celebrate you guys-"

"Hunk, no," Pidge sighed. 

"Hunk yes, because love is beautiful and love deserves good food to commemorate it- hey where'd Lance and Keith go?" That was the last thing Keith heard from the kitchen as he pulled Lance towards the training deck.

The words repeated one more time in his head.

"We were supposed to think you were a boy?"

Except this time, they didn't bother him. 

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I'm transmed but I love a lot of blogs and people who aren't and I know it's not my place to try and change their opinion so I don't but the thing is I can't even openly support certain people or say I'm trans med in fear of being blocked or hated on and that makes me really sad why can't we all just accept each other's views for what they are and stop all this fighting were all a part of the trans community and should all support each other regardless or views or opinions

Kii says:

You sent this as an ask so I’m assuming you wanted an answer, as we do not accept vents in our ask box-

If you are a transmedicalist and want to accept all people even if you don’t agree with them, that’s great, but a lot of trans people choose to distance themselves from transmedicalists because they don’t want to be invalidated and told that they’re not “really trans” and that’s a fine reason to stay away from them. 

People have the right to choose their friends based on having similar views and wanting to feel accepted and included by the people they talk to regularly.

Lee says:

I 100% agree with what mod Kii wrote.

If your “views or opinions” are invalidating and exclusionary, then that reflects something about you as a person, and if your “views or opinions” are that my identity doesn’t exist, then I have the right to not interact with you.

Truscum are notoriously nb-phobic, and that’s undeniable. If the truscum culture as a whole is so anti-nb that many say all non-binary people are invalid, making some individual truscum feel the need to clarify that they’re pro-nb, that says something. And even those “pro-nb” truscum don’t usually support non-normative labels and say “mogai genders” and neopronouns are invalid, and I support all of my non-binary comrades. 

Making a less accepted group (non-binary people) a scapegoat to uplift binary trans people isn’t good- it’s like how in school some people are mean to the unpopular kids but friendly to the popular ones. That type of person may be perfectly friendly to you, but then bully someone else. 

When Kii wrote “a lot of trans people choose to distance themselves from transmedicalists because they don’t want to be invalidated and told that they’re not “really trans” and that’s a fine reason to stay away from them”- that’s totally true. 

But even people not directly targeted by truscum may want to stay away from them: as a dysphoric non-binary person myself, some trucum may be nice to me, but I know that they don’t accept all of my group and therefore I can’t just ignore their toxic speech and welcome them to my blog.

As for the “I can’t even openly support certain people or say I’m trans med in fear of being blocked or hated on”- well maybe if your whole ideology wasn’t about invalidating certain members of the trans community, you’d find people were more open to allowing you to interact with them. Imagine what the non-binary or non-dysphoric people who truscum harass must feel- they’re probably also afraid of being hated on for who they are.

I have been harassed by transmeds on my personal blog- every time I post a selfie where I mention I’m non-binary and medically transitioning, I have to watch the notes so I can block them when they start leaving hateful replies saying I don’t deserve to transition and I’m taking resources from the “real” trans people, or try to tell me that I’m making a mistake when I know that I’m not. And once I went through the truscum tag and blocked ‘em? I don’t get any more hate.

Truscum/transmedicalists are invalidating gatekeepers who pass judgement on who counts as trans enough based on a narrow definition of who is valid. Some truscum claim to be more accepting, but they still act as gatekeepers and ignore the diversity of trans experiences especially when it comes to non-binary identity and dysphoria and euphoria. They think that there’s a certain criteria needed to identify as trans, but the reality is there are many different ways to experience and label gender identity and they’re all valid.  

So yeah, the whole point of calling yourself a truscum is you saying you don’t believe or accept that certain trans people are really trans, then you’re invalidating those people who have a legitimate claim to the trans label. The only person who can decide if someone is trans is the trans person themself.

Transmeds/truscum create a toxic atmosphere where trans people feel that they aren’t “trans enough” when they are, and this can impact binary trans people with dysphoria as well. And if someone has hateful/toxic/gatekeeping/harmful views, you shouldn’t expect that the people being impacted by that culture are going to welcome you open armed. 

If you really want to “stop all this fighting” then maybe you should consider being more accepting of people whose identities you don’t understand instead of saying they don’t exist– saying someone is just faking, is pretending to be trans for attention, or is mistaken about being trans and they’re invalid and really cis– all that is fighting words.

Non-binary people can experience dysphoria

Does experiencing dysphoria automatically make you trans?

Being trans without dysphoria/Non-dysphoric trans people

Is transitioning the only cure for gender dysphoria?

Followers say:

sheprd said: people aren’t going to agree to “accept eachother’s views” if one of the parties views are literally “i dont believe your identity exists or is valid and i dont take you seriously as a trans person” theres a huge difference between differing opinions vs one person just straight up disrespecting another’s identity

mcfkn said: “We’re all a part of the community” Your views literally are that these people you don’t like aren’t.  You don’t get to be sad about a divide you create.

theorangedead said: “why can’t we all accept each other’s views” idk why transmeds can’t respect people’s personal views about their own gender identities and insist on misgendering some trans people by insisting they aren’t really trans and they are their agab. You tell me. It’s the intolerance paradox: you can’t be truly tolerant while accepting in tolerant people. Transmeds are intolerant of nondysphoric (and often nb and gnc) trans people. Being tolerant of you means excluding others.

[official-queer]

can i ask how trans men can experience misogyny but trans women cant experience "male" privilege? ive tried to figure it out but i cant quite seem to explain it to myself so i hope u can offer some insight!!!! thank you ❤

i’m not a trans woman (obviously) so i feel kinda wrong talking about their issues in such a way but i guess i’ll try to explain what my understanding of it all is

society treats trans people how society views them, which, the majority of the time, is not how we really are. a trans man who’s perceived wholly as a woman (such as myself) by society is treated as a woman by society. i experience the cat calling, talking over, assuming i’m stupid, assuming i want to be a mother, babying, harassment, sexualization, etc that a woman does, despite not being a woman. what the post was saying basically is that people like me should be able to talk about these experiences without people jumping down my throat to silence me because my experiences aren’t real to them, cause i’m not a woman. 

i imagine it works much the same for trans women who are perceived by society as men. they get treated like men. and i hate to say they experience male privilege because that’s such a TERF talking point and also because it’s not a privilege at all to be misgendered on such a scale, but at the same time the things women like that experience could be classified as such. having violence and a lack of emotional depth enforced, being treated as a higher priority in school and work, being encouraged to pursue “men’s” professions and hobbies, etc. 

i’d really put it on individual trans women to call it “male privilege”, or something else. just like i’m not going to call what every trans men goes through misogyny because not all trans men are comfortable calling it that. regardless of what we call it, it happens.

i think that, on tumblr especially, these topics get ignored because in reality it makes us uncomfortable to face the fact that so many of us are treated as out AGAB, but we can’t really admit it. so we hide our discomfort behind layers of progressive language so that we don’t have to talk about it at all. and that sucks, because then we feel alone in our situations when it’s in fact so fucking common. 

i know that i feel embarrassed when i realize many of my traits come from being raised and treated as a girl, because really no other trans men want to talk about that. and i 100% get it. but it’s something that has to be talked about, really, really badly. or else it’ll just fester. 

like that post was also saying, trans people experience these societal structures uniquely but trying to hide it behind a bunch of words to let everyone know we’re basically talking about the fake, less important versions is such a waste of time and also super disrespectful in my own opinion. like, “misplaced misogyny” sounds so fucking dismissive lol it’s like i’m saying “okay guys i know this is a fluke, a mistake, and that i’m not really the person who should be talking about this because it doesn’t really happen to me except this one time, but a guy followed me home and I KNOW he wouldn’t do it if he knew i was a man oh gosh i’m so sorry i shouldn’t be saying this” instead of, you know, “a guy followed me home and it scared the shit out of me” 

i hope i worded this in such a way so as to not be hurtful. NONE of what i’m saying is meant to mean that trans people are really their AGAB, so fuck off transphobes who wanna read this as me validating you. i’m fucking not, die! 

TL;DR what i AM saying is that a lot of trans ppl get treated as their AGAB and we’re not even allowed to talk about it within trans circles, despite it being such a universal experience. trans women don’t experience male privilege because it’s not a privilege, but some do get treated like men. some trans men do experience misogyny despite not being women, because we’re treated like women. 

[enderblogs-25]

Everyone has at least one day in their life where they wish they were cis, or comfortable with their agab.

It's one of those days.

I can't tell if it's because there's a gap at the bottom of my binder, (of course there is, it's a size up) or if I realized I'll have to take that disgusting poison next week, or if it's one of those days my body didn't produce the normal amount of T. (I have a theory, ask me later.)

Everything hurts right now. It hurts more than a knife cutting me open, more than stitches, more than a thick, goopy shot in the leg. Everything hurts, and I can't do anything about it.

Woke up in the middle of the night last night in a panic. I thought I forgot to take my binder off. Nothing but anxiety, thankfully, and the bra I've slept in since 8th grade. .... Think about that. It felt too flat, so I panicked. Panicked.

....

People in the cast don't know I'm trans. To some, I'm stealth. Somehow I pass enough to be taken seriously, and not some girl who wants to sing tenor.

I have a few guy friends there. Mostly hang with the girls. What does that mean?? Shouldn't I be trying to bond with the guys, you know, the very thing I've been yearning for, for years?

They don't really understand. One guy I went to elementary school with uses my deadname. A lot. .... I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to tell someone I've known since kindergarten that I'm trans. (Heh, sound familiar?) I don't know why I'm scared.

....

I'm not faking, am I?

....

I was messing around with one of the guys, (we were being v gay together, gr8 times) you know, using "the gay voice" with each other and stuff. I was having fun. Then I stopped. Looked at myself. .... How many people saw us and thought, "Oh, it's nice he's found a girl to have fun with"?? How many people saw me, heard me, judged me by my actions, and are going to misgender me because of it?

I'm not a manly guy.

I'm also not a ~fem~ guy.

I'm not a girl.

Please.

I want to have fun. But I want to sound an octave lower. I want to feel validated. I want to keep playing, but I want to feel okay.

....

I can hit most the bass notes.

Sometimes I just sing with them when I can't find the tenor part.

Then my voice gets gravely.

....

It hurts.

I know they can hear it. I know they think I should be across the isle. I know they know that I don't....

....

I'm hurting.

I can't talk to anyone about it, because I try, and I feel like a burden. Or like they don't understand. Or that I'm annoying them, and they could care less that the trans kid got their feelings hurt. Or I feel like I'm trying to make them my therapist.

I know at least three people that are going to talk to me about that, and tell me to talk to them next time.

It's hard.

I'm sorry.

It's not that I don't trust you.

It's not that I don't want to talk.

....

I'm sorry.

....

....

I'm not faking. I wouldn't be crying over this if I was. I wouldn't hurt so bad.

....

....

....

I went into the bathroom again, today.

In and out, just to fix my hair.

....

There was a dude right behind me at the urinal.

How in the world is anyone comfortable outside of a stall??  Be honest, anyone could've seen! I didn't, but dude!

....

I'm getting more comfortable though. That's good.

....

The directors said they'd have to ask district where they can legally put me.

They're thinking of giving me a broom closet all of my own to change in.

Not that that's bad, I'll have to change from binder to sports bra for one scene.

.... Still.

....

At least I won't be hiding away in the girls dressing room bathroom, this time.

....

Oh, and trumb gets sworn in next week. .... I'm terrified.

Maybe he'll put me in jail, or conversion therapy. Maybe he'll force me into dresses. Maybe he'll make transition illegal. Maybe he'll....

I'm so scared.

....

I'm sorry.

You shouldn't have had to read this.

I'm sorry.

[colorisbyshe]

how can u be agender and wlw?

I’ve been asked this before, so I’m just gonna copy/paste (with some minor editing for clarity) that:

Ehh, it’s less complicated than it seems and more complicated than it seems at the same time.

After reading a lot about feminism and gender theory from a lot of perspectives, I caught on to the fact that gender and sex are kind of just… arbitrary things we made up. If womanhood is not defined by what body you are born with (ie with a vagina and “female” secondary sex characteristics) and it is not defined by femininity (ie how you present yourself or are perceived), what is womanhood? I realized that, for myself, there is no way to define womanhood in regards to my own sense of self that made me happy. When I think “What does it mean to be a woman?” my first thoughts go to how misogyny has impacted my life and traumatized me as opposed to any liberating or comforting thought. I have no answer for the question beyond “What society forces me to be and punishes me for.”

Of course, this schism can exist for cis women–this frustration and discomfort with womanhood doesn’t mean you can’t be a woman–but for me… there is a strong sense of freedom by creating this distance for myself. I don’t know what it means to be a woman perhaps because I am not one. I feel very distant from my own body (because of trauma, because of fatphobia, because of illness, because of misogyny) and I feel even further from most things expected of women and that which I know a lot of my friends who are women enjoy and do successfully. Even when I have wanted to do womanly things, I felt I could never do them successfully–that I could never be an acceptable woman.

As a fat, brash person who has always been argumentative and vocal and has felt uncomfortable with beauty standards, I have never felt a place among womanhood. I grew up playing with the boys, wearing hand me downs from my boy cousins, and rough housing and felt the most at home there. But it was made clear to me as much as I wasn’t one of the girls, I also wasn’t one of the boys. Because I liked to read, because I did ballet, because I was spiteful towards the boys and thought they were stupid and annoying.

And, tbh, manhood is even more alienating to me. It is violent, it is disgusting, and it is something I resent. Men are responsible for all of the worst moments in my life and nothing about what society defines masculinity to be appeals to me. Masculinity (even as a woman being masculine) and manhood do not appeal to me and while I love the few men in my life who have earned my trust, I meet most men with a lot of skepticism and wariness and do not feel any level of innate connection with them as I do with women.

I am not a very masculine person, even as I am not a very feminine person.

I am very much… a genderless, neutral person. And, again, I know a lot of cis people feel similarly in terms of gender presentation but for me it just… makes it hard for me personally to then say “I am a woman!” I grew up with girl friends and boy’s hand me downs and I’ve felt alienated from both.

On the flipside, womanhood still defines how I move through life. I am still received and perceived as a woman. My life is thoroughly shaped by misogyny. My bonds with other women (and love for other women) is defined by mutual experiences /as women/ and feeling safe together as women. When I stand with women, it’s not as an ally–an outsider–it is as a person who lives life as women do.  When I love women, it is as a woman loves women. The only tenuous connection I have to womanhood is through loving women–loving them as friends, as feminist allies, as a sapphic woman interested in being with them. My solidarity with women is innate, perhaps in a way where I feel more connected to other women more than I would other “agender” people who don’t relate to womanhood at all.

To put it simply, I am a nonbinary person living in a binary world, where gender is fake but my love for women is not. I know that even as I identify with no gender, claim none as my own, society still receives me as a woman. I do not close my eyes to this. I do not refuse to accept this. I accept this fully.

And I don’t even particularly mind this. “Woman” is a label to me as much as my name is–something given to me without asking me but I’ve gotten used to being called it. Stephanie isn’t a particularly meaningful label to me nor is woman. When I think to myself it is not in the third person–”Stephanie wants this” nor is it as a woman, it is just as “I” and “I” has no gender.

I think this experience is increasingly common as we grow up with less enforced gender roles (or at least more criticisms of gender roles) and have more room to conceptualize ourselves. We can relate to binary experiences and still not use them to craft our sense of self. I relate to womanhood but do not eagerly claim it for myself. In part because the world has made that hard for me and in part because I just don’t want to because I don’t understand what “woman” means.

It’s sort of some fake deep nonsense; “I’m nonbinary but also aligned with my agab” is pretentious bullshit, I get that but it’s also the truth of my inner sense of self. I don’t rally around my gender as much (as I don’t consider it really... important to my sense of self), don’t feel misgendered incredibly often, and recognize cis women can feel the same way about gender that I do. I feel like I’m on the fringes of what nonbinary is and also on the fringe of what womanhood is.

I’m very blah when it comes to my gender and so should you be.

To quote a one direction member’s not great chest piece tattoo: