#I KNOW IT'S NOT SUMMER but wouldn't it be funny if they met outside of the fall months

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

I am such a big Werewolf Stan advocate I had to jump on this particular train 🙏 (but I didn't really wanna commit to full line art, you guys understand)

Oh, and you guys aren't gonna believe this, but here's part two 🙌

[endzithefangirl]

"I'm gong to put 'being a WAG' on my CV"

Authors note: Here's a little Max Verstappen x TechCEO!Reader. Bet you didn't see that comng. Anyway, got the idea for this a few days ago, and I guess my love of Italian food made me finish this

Summary: Max's new relatioship causes a social media stir, but the new couple couldn't care less whilst in Italy.

Warnings: English isn't my first language, no use of Y/N, female reader, famous reader

Word count: 2k

You understood it, to a degree. Max had just broken off a three-year-long relationship right before summer break, and now suddenly he was spending the summer with you. Now you’re at the paddock... No wonder people thought there was some crossover.

The truth? You two met last New Year's at a party for some sporting event. You, being one of the sponsors for your country's national sports committee, were invited, and Max... well, Max was Max Verstappen. You hit it off, exchanged numbers, showed him around your company a few times, and took him to all of your favorite restaurants in NYC. But you knew he had a girlfriend; everyone knew. And he was taking care of her kid too.

That breakup was hard on him. He had stopped loving her, but he couldn't just kick a woman and her kid out of his house. Max waited for them to have a huge fight, and then they just... broke up. And to your surprise, he was in New York the next day, saying that he needed someone to talk to. Bullshit. You knew he liked you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have come all the way here 'just to talk.'

But here you were, in Italy, spending time with him before Monza. You were currently typing away on your phone, trying to make peace in the finance department. Max glanced up from his phone every so often, stealing peeks at you while grinning.

He had never quite been so into someone like you. You were smart, funny, talented, pretty, and on top of all that - you were also rich. But you were also the most challenging girl to flirt with Max had ever met.

"You look like you could use a break," he said, after watching you tap away at your work laptop for a few minutes.

"Probably. What's the point of having interns if they don't do anything?"

"Then you should consider hiring me; I'm pretty good at helping out," Max teased, looking up from his phone and sending you a cheeky smile. He loved a woman who was in power, who knew what she was doing, and he could tell you were used to being the boss. "Come on, take a break. You know you deserve it," Max encouraged, resting his hand on top of yours to stop you from working some more.

"I guess I could eat…" You say, closing your laptop. "I saw on Google Maps that there’s a nice pizza place down the road. We can go if you’re hungry.”

Max smiled and nodded. “Yes, I’m starving; let’s go,” he said, reaching for the car keys.

“No, it’s okay, let’s walk,” you stop him. He turned towards you, slightly confused. Usually, women would give anything to drive around with Max Verstappen. Maybe that’s just what makes you special.

The two of you walked out of the hotel, your bodyguard Lenny standing outside the door. The tall, muscular man just nodded as the two of you entered the elevator. Max found it funny that you preferred Lenny guard your stuff more than you. Especially the laptop. He sometimes wondered what you kept in there...

“Is Pierre gonna be at the race?” you asked as you exited the building, breaking the silence.

Max’s head snapped towards you, and he raised his brow. “Uh, yes, of course he is… Why?”

“Because I want to see Kika.”

“Oh, so she’s your secret F1 crush, eh?” Max said, relaxing.

You laughed. “Pierre is a solid seven with a better haircut. Kika is a twelve on a bad day.”

As you got to the bigger streets, you started to understand why Max drove everywhere. Unlike you, who were a chiller and niche celebrity, despite being incredibly rich, Max was a real superstar. Your short walk to the pizza shop became a fan meet and greet, with people coming up to you every three seconds and asking for photos.

“Is this your girlfriend?” one of the people asking for a picture asked. As you finished taking the photo, you noticed Max’s slightly flustered face as he heard the question. He stumbled, but you answered with a simple “Yeah.”

As you arrived at the restaurant, you noticed that Max was staring at you. He seemed… surprised. You laughed at his facial expression. The sound of your laugh calmed him instantly, his heartbeat beginning to return to normal. Max cursed himself in his head; he was better than this. He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Is it something I said?"

Max ran a hand through his hair, feeling his cheeks heating up slightly. "No, no... Not really," he reassured you, trying to sound casual. "I was just... thinking."

"Okay, well I'm thinking about the food. I think a Vesuvius sounds great right now."

Max chuckled and quickly glanced down at the menu to hide his embarrassment. "Vesuvius? What the hell is a Vesuvius?" he asked, though his eyes scanned down the menu, searching for it.

"It's a type of pizza," you teased. "It's been like three minutes; have you not even skimmed the menu?"

Max fidgeted under your gaze, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks again. "What?" he asked with a nervous chuckle. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You tell me. Why are you staring?" Max shook his head, glancing up at you questioningly. He had no idea what you were thinking about. "No... What are you thinking about?" he asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"There are pots from 4000 years ago found in ancient Egypt that are made out of an incredibly difficult to manage material and are cut to such perfection that they balance on their round bottom."

Max's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He was expecting something totally different. Something that had at least a little bit to do with him. He chuckled, still somewhat surprised as he studied your face. "Where did that come from?" he asked incredulously.

"The Egyptians. They were like, cooking pots and stuff. Royal cooking pots probably, but still," you teased.

Max chuckled again, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're thinking about cooking pots, and here I am, just trying to figure out what I did to make you say that we're together so casually."

"What do you mean? Are we not together?"

"Well, of course we're together," Max said, his voice taking on a more serious tone now. He glanced around the restaurant briefly, making sure no one was listening in on their conversation. "I just... I didn't expect you to say it so casually," he said, his eyes meeting yours again.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know we were keeping it a secret. I mean, I was at the paddock and all last time, and I took days off work to come to this race—"

Max shook his head, realizing you completely misunderstood what he was saying. "No, no, it's not that... I just..." he began, struggling to find the right words. He took a deep breath, his fingers fidgeting in his lap. "It's just... you're so casual about it... and I'm... a bit too flustered for my own good," he admitted, a tinge of embarrassment in his voice.

You softened up a bit. "Oh, okay, I get it. It was just a bit too shocking for you... Yeah, sorry."

Max felt his heartbeat a little faster when you softened, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Yeah, it was a bit... unexpected for me," he chuckled, feeling somewhat silly for being so flustered. "But it's fine, honestly."

"Do you think my stomach is gonna have space for gelato later? There's a really good gelateria; I can see it from the window... They make the ones with the macarons..."

Max chuckled, loving how you were so excited about the gelato. "Well, based on the amount of pizza you usually eat," he teased, a smirk on his face. "I'd say you're probably fine."

"No, they put the macarons on the gelato."

"On the gelato?" Max repeated, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"I've never heard of such a thing," he said, leaning forward to get a better look out the window at the gelateria you were talking about. "Well, in that case," he said with a grin, "we're definitely going there for dessert."

After eating so much that your belts barely held, you came back to the hotel, Lenny greeting you at the door as usual. Max's stomach was stuffed to the brim, but he was in such a good mood from the good food and even better company, he didn't even care. He walked back into the hotel together with you, his hand still holding yours. Lenny greeted the two of you as usual, but Max couldn't help but notice the way Lenny looked at you, like he was analyzing you.

"All good, Len. You go to your room for the night," you said to Lenny. He nodded, smiled at the both of you, and then went off. Max watched as Lenny walked off, then turned to you, a small frown on his face.

"He was looking at you funny," he said, a protective edge to his voice.

"He thinks it's funny. That I'm dating a Formula 1 driver."

"What's so funny about that?" he protested, his grip on your hand tightening ever so slightly. "He just... I don't know, he's a big fan of yours I don't think he's processed it yet". Max's frown relaxed as you explained it, his ego immediately soothed a bit. Of course he was a big fan of his, who wasn't?

"Oh, so he's a big fan?" he teased, a hint of pride and cockiness in his voice.

You take your shoes off and lay on the bed, your stomach bloated from all the good food "Yeah. Talk to him a bit, I think it'll make him happy" You let out groan as you move "I hate you Italy. You has so much good food... I love it though"

Max chuckled, watching as you dramatically threw yourself onto the bed, your stomach protesting the amount of food you just had. "You're such a drama queen sometimes," he teased, grinning as he took off his shoes as well and joined you on the bed. He lays down beside you, running a hand over your bloated stomach. "You'll be fine," he said, though there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Oh, you know what I saw on TikTok?"

Max raised an eyebrow in curiosity, his hand now resting on your stomach. He didn't typically pay too much attention to TikTok, but he was more than happy to listen to you.

"What did you see?" he asked, turning his head to look at you.

"Well first of all, I'm a WAG now. Thank you for that, I will be putting that on my CV. But second, they liked that I was wearing Red Bull merch. I thought they wouldn't like it, but they did"

Max chuckled as you spoke, amused by how casually you mentioned being a WAG, and how seriously you were taking the fact that you were wearing Red Bull merchandise. "Well, of course they liked it," he said with a smirk. "You were wearing the merch of the best team out there."

He gave you a smug look, his hand moving up and tracing a lazy pattern on your stomach. "Not to mention the merch of the best driver out there."

[oreoluvskento]

Nanami's Your Professor, PT. 1

Summary: You've been trying to get your teacher's attention for a while now, but what happens when you finally get what you want? (Inspired by a character AI prompt lol)

Content Warnings: 6.5k wc, 18+, Fem! Reader, Black Y/N, both characters are adults, 3 year age gap, smut, fingering, no curses AU, explicit language, cunnilingus, missionary, doggy style, blowjobs, overstimulation, nipple play if you squint, unprotected, Nanami has a big dick, y/n is thick, everybody's happy

Story begins under the cut

  

"Next class we're going over Kantianism, so you all better be ready. Please do the pre-reading over the weekend, it's important. It's only 20 pages, I know you all can handle it," Nanami said as his students packed up. "Oh, and always, if you have any questions, please see me after class."

   You were usually a straight-A student, but Mr. Nanami's class was one of the hardest you have ever taken. It's not like the class itself was difficult, it was actually super easy, ethics being a simple class. Mr. Nanami himself was hard. The way you maintained staying a straight-A student was by choosing all male teachers and then, well, doing things the school board wouldn't exactly approve of. 

    You were smart, of course, but why put in all the effort if the men are easier? The first time you realized you could do this was your freshman year of college. Your body had blossomed all throughout high school and you began experimenting with new clothes over the summer before your first day of college. You found tones that worked with your dark skin, and tops and bottoms that worked with your hourglass shape. On the Friday of your first week, all of your male teachers had a soft spot for you. 

   One day, you decided to stay behind and ask your English teacher about the syllabus and some of the requirements of the year. He smiled at you the entire time, but he never maintained eye contact. You'd find his eyes skirting between your boobs and your thighs, that day you had a V-neck crop top on and some mid-thigh shorts since it was still hot outside. You noticed the same thing with the rest of your male teachers and that's when you knew the power you had over them. 

    The first time you did it was with your Calculus teacher. You were failing his class and you were desperate. He scheduled a meeting with you, on a day when he didn't have office hours and when you walked in, you could tell why. He wanted you to sit next to him instead of in front, and he kept touching your thighs. Of course, you were uncomfortable but you figured that this could get you an easy A so you played along. When he was done, you told him what you wanted. Pussy whipped and still high from his nut, he said yes. You didn't sleep with all of them though, your body was enough. From then on, you haven't seen so much as a B in your transcript, even making it on the dean's list. Except for now. 

   As you said, Nanami's class wasn't hard, but it required a lot of studying, something you don't know how to do. You've never had to study since you got here, or even do homework, so naturally, you had no work ethic. You tried to work your magic the first time you got a B in his class but to no avail. His eyes never left yours and he stayed professional the entire time. Ever since then, you'd been dressing skimpier to his class and meeting with him during his office hours. 

   Nanami wasn't stupid, he saw what you were trying to do, and he found it cute. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he thought you were attractive but you were his student. If you were just some girl he met at a bar, he would've definitely hit. What he thought was funny was how close the two of you were in age. He was a 25-year-old man teaching a 22-year-old goddess of a woman that he wasn't allowed to sleep with. Nanami wasn't a playboy, he never really went out much, but the moment he saw you, he knew that you'd be the hardest part of the school year. 

   The class was over and once again, you were the last one there. Today, you wore a tube top and a skin-tight mini-skirt, making class uncomfortably cold for you, but you were on a mission. Comfort was out of the question. You walk up to Mr. Nanami's desk, heels clicking against the floor in the silent classroom, and you drop your bag on his desk, leaning over it and looking into his eyes. 

   "Mr. Nanami, I wanted to talk to you," You say and he smiles and raises his eyebrows. 

   "Yes, what is it?" He asks and you squeeze your thighs together to quell the ache that appeared between your legs at his voice. Something that was different about Professor Nanami, besides the fact that he has the self-control of a god, was that you were actually attracted to him. He was the most attractive man you had ever seen and it was starting to get physically painful that you weren't getting anywhere with him. Everything about him turned you on, his smell, his face, his voice, even his hands. You loved watching him grade papers while the class was testing. His fingers would tap on the desk as he worked, his eyebrows scrunching when he saw something unsatisfactory, you couldn't get enough. 

   You slide the graded essay that he passed out to the class earlier today across his desk. On the top is a grade you had never seen before in your four years of going to this college. A C+. "Why did you fail me on my last paper?" You ask him. He chuckles softly and you stand up quickly because you felt your arms go weak and you didn't want to faceplant on his desk. You cross your arms across your chest, consciously making the effort to make your boobs appear bigger. 

   Instead of looking up at you, he looks down at your paper, and you groan internally, immediately dropping your hands. He interlocks his fingers and squeezes them together and you watch the muscles in his forearm flex. "I wouldn't say that a C+ is a failure. But just like I said right here," He says, gesturing to the top of the paper. "There was plenty of room for improvement. As a matter of fact, I'm sure this might've been your worst paper. The fact that it was a C+ says a lot. You're smart, y/n. Use your brain," He finishes, subtly hinting at you to stop trying to seduce him. Unfortunately, you didn't get it.

   'I'm trying to use my brain but you won't let me give you any!' You think to yourself, growing more frustrated. You move to his side of the desk and sit on it, something you've never done before. You decided that if you were going to wear a skirt this uncomfortable, you were going to put it to good use. You slowly cross your legs, dramatically lifting your left one, almost kicking Nanami. You notice as he cocks his eyebrow, tilting his head at the same time, his eyes watching your thick thighs, and you gain a bit more confidence. 

   "I don't get Cs, Mr. Nanami. I'm a straight-A student. It's almost like you're doing this on purpose," You say with a frown on your face, causing Nanami to laugh. 

   "Like I said, it could've been better," He shrugs, pushing your paper back towards you. You huff, pushing it right back toward him. 

   "Isn't there anything I can do, Mr. Kento?" You ask, teasing him with his first name and his expression finally changes. Nanami hadn't heard his first name in a long time, everyone here called him Nanami. Hearing it come out of your mouth, with that sultry voice, awakened something in him. He bites the inside of his cheek, trying to control his thoughts, and looks up at you. You've gotten closer now, your face merely inches away from his. 

   He pulls back immediately and stands up. "I can let you rewrite it. I don't mind. Plus, I want to see you do better." He says after a clearing of his throat. His eyes look back towards your legs and immediately flick away, trying to control himself. "Now, can you please get off of my desk, Ms. Y/n?"

   You roll your eyes again and uncross your legs, now sitting with them together. "Fine, but could you at least help me up?" You ask him extending your hand to him. He takes it hesitantly and you latch on. Neither of you moves at this moment. This being your first time ever touching him, your heart was beating out of your chest. You were trying to keep your cool but you were ninety-nine percent sure that he could see the nervousness on your face. 

   Nanami could indeed see the nervousness on your face but he was in fact, nervous as well. The way your soft hand held on to his was making him slowly lose his mind. Out of all of your efforts, you had never touched him before and now he's ever so grateful. He probably would've broken a long time ago if he felt your hand on his arm or his neck. 

   You suddenly stand up, using him for leverage, causing him to lean into you slightly. You remember why you're here and slowly turn around towards the left, Nanami now right behind you. Either he wasn't paying attention or your plan was finally working because he didn't move away. You bend over, pushing your hips back, and reach for your purse which was across the table. Your butt reaches his hips and slowly pushes into his pelvis and Nanami freezes as he looks down.

   The feeling of your hand left him in such a trance that he wasn't paying attention. He didn't even know when you got in front of him but it was too late now. He was staring at your ass pressed up against his quickly hardening dick. He wasn't sure if it was you that was still pushing into him or vice versa but the two of you were getting closer. 

   You bite your lip as you feel the attractive man behind you push deeper into you and you try to keep your cool. You stand up, your purse now in hand with a smile on your face. You've finally broken him. You turn around and look up at him, desire clear in his eyes. "I've decided to take your advice, Mr. Nanami. I'll do better. Can I come during your office hours?" You ask innocently. Nanami opens his mouth to speak but you quickly interrupt him. "You know what, I'm sure there are other students who might need your help during your office hours. How about I come over to your apartment tonight at 10? Then you could really help me since we'll have nothing but time there," You suggest and he furrows his eyebrows. 

   "You know where my apartment is?" He asks, his voice deeper than earlier. You lean on the desk behind you and slowly drag your nails down his shirt. Nanami's breathing gets quicker, his brain no longer doing the majority of the thinking, as he watches your fingers go further down his black button-down shirt. He keeps his hands interlocked behind his back to stop himself from pulling you against him.

   "You and my nail tech live on the same floor. One day, I was getting off the elevator and I saw you enter room 618," You start and his eyebrows raise. "At first I thought you were visiting your girlfriend, but that wasn't the last time I saw you. Somehow though, you never saw me." You say, your finger down at his belt. You hook a finger into his belt loop and slowly tug him closer to you, and he complies, smiling. 

   "How long ago was that?" He asks, genuinely curious. His favorite student has been just down the hall from him many times and he's had no idea. The universe must really have it out for him. 

   "It doesn't matter," You answer. You allow your nails to graze his growing bulge and he hisses with wide eyes. You look back up into his eyes and squeeze it, throwing all caution out of the window. He groans a sound that you would play on repeat if you had the chance, and he grabs your wrist, putting it by your side. A small part of his logical side was still in control but it was fighting hard. 

   "We aren't going to slide past you saying you want to come over to my apartment and study," He says with a smirk, wanting to see if you were bluffing or not. 

   You were not. 

   "I wasn't planning on sliding past it. I'll see you at 10 pm tonight," You tell him, and turn to walk away, not giving him a chance to speak. "Don't forget my paper, Mr. Nanami!" You shout to him, not turning around. You knew he was going to let you in tonight, there was no doubt in your mind. 

   Nanami on the other hand was cursing himself for letting you break him. This was probably your tenth attempt since the semester started and he was doing so well. He didn't know your touch was going to be his downfall, who could've predicted that? Unfortunately, his brain wouldn't rest. He began getting very graphic thoughts, the main one being your soft hand wrapped around his dick while struggling to fit everything in your mouth. He had to see it, there was no going back now. 

   When ten p.m. came, Nanami was anxious. Now that he was no longer horny, he was able to start thinking about his job. If anyone found out, he might never teach anywhere again. Was he really risking it all for a student he could have once she graduates in two months? Suddenly, he hears a knock on his door and blood rushes to his dick again. He opens the door without thinking and there you were. This time you had on a white tank top with your boobs sitting pretty in a bright pink lace bra, and a khaki-colored mini skirt. 

   When he opened the door, the first thing Mr. Nanami looked at was your boobs, and you knew that tonight was going to result in success. "I hope you didn't forget our appointment, Kento," You say his first name again, and his eyes dart to your face.

   "I never forget an appointment," He says with a smile and steps to the side. You walk in, quickly slide off your slippers at the door, leaving you barefoot, and take in his apartment. The loft-style unit was beautiful with floor-to-ceiling windows lining the opposite side. You could see the skyline from where you were standing and you couldn't help but marvel at it. The place was dimly lit, except for his coffee table where a lamp and some papers sat, and that's where you place your bag. 

   You turn around to see him locking the door behind him, and you smile, taking notice of what he's wearing. Nanami had on an oversized black t-shirt with grey sweatpants on, the laces untied, hanging by his bulge and you feel your pussy twitch at the sight. You felt him earlier today but what you were seeing now was nothing compared to what you had in your hands earlier. He notices you staring and calls your name. You look up at him with a polite smile and he gestures for you to sit down. 

   He takes a seat on the floor next to you and begins reading off a paper. Of course, you weren't paying any attention. You watched his face as he spoke, his sharp jaw moving up and down, and as he pointed at papers, you couldn't help but imagine his clean, manicured fingers inside of you. About twenty minutes in, you scoot closer to him, thinking he won't notice but once you get close enough, he finally looks away from what he's trying to teach you. 

   "What are you doing, y/n?" He asks you and you finally decide to come clean. 

   "Why are you so difficult?" You ask and he puts the papers down and smiles in amusement, already knowing where this is going. Nanami was aware that you weren't paying attention as he was teaching. It was honestly a poor attempt to appease his conscience because he knew he was going to make a terrible decision tonight. 

   "I know you're not dumb or naive, you know what I'm trying to do. Why do you keep fighting me, Mr. Nanami!" You whine and he laughs. You begin to grow frustrated, not knowing how to respond to him laughing at you. Finally, he stops and leans into you, catching you by surprise. 

   "I would've taken you a long time ago if you weren't my student," Nanami starts and your eyes widen, "Do you know how many nights I've sat up late, thinking about fucking you senseless?" He pauses and hooks his finger into your tank top, pulling it down a bit, and exposing your bra even more. He looks down into your shirt, admiring the view. "I'm usually not particularly interested in fucking the people I teach. You, however, have made me rethink that and a lot more since the first day I saw you." He lets go of your shirt and squeezes your face with that same hand. 

   Your heart is beating out of your chest and your breathing has quickened. You have never experienced this with any of the teachers you've been with, Nanami was just on a different level. He leans in more, his forehead now touching yours and he closes his eyes for a second. "You have made this a very difficult semester for me y/n." He whispers, his lips touching yours as he speaks. You're frozen in your spot, unable to move due to his unexpected behavior. All this time you were thinking he felt nothing when he saw you just for him to admit to wanting you. Your entire world was rocked and you could do nothing but stare. 

   "Oh, now you have nothing to say? You usually talk a lot when you're with me," He says in a teasing tone. He lets go of your face and leans back, allowing you to catch your breath and gather your thoughts. 

   You shake your head as you sit up on your knees, trying to dull the throbbing in between your plush thighs. "So this entire time, you let me make a fool of myself? You could have just told me!" You complain, now eye level with him and he smiles more. 

    "Now, why would I go and do that?" He asks, his arm snaking around your waist as he pulls you closer to him. You comply as he pulls you on top of his lap, your skirt riding up as you straddle him. You had never been this close to him before, his scent, god his scent, now a part of your respiratory system. Your breathing picks up again as he slides his hands down your back and onto your soft ass, softly massaging and patting it. "Having you stand so close to me is always the highlight of my day, y/n," He concludes, his face now in the crook of your neck. 

   "I won't give you an A for this so let me know if you want me to stop now," He says. You try and think about it for a second - you're about to fuck him just because. You feel his lips touch your neck as he speaks and you shiver at the feeling, your mind immediately clearing.  You quickly mutter out "Please don't stop" and you feel him smile. "This stays between us, y/n," He brings his hand forward and his pinky finger is up. Once you take it with yours he wastes no time. 

   Nanami pulls you harder against him, his bulge directly underneath your pussy and he connects his lips to your neck. You softly sigh as he sucks on the spot above your collarbone and he squeezes your ass harder, seemingly unable to get enough. You find yourself grinding on his growing cock, and he helps you, pushing and pulling your body. He pulls away and looks at you, the look of desire clouding his eyes and you can't help yourself. 

   You smash your lips to his, hands on either side of his face and Nanami kisses you back immediately. You plunge your tongue in his mouth once it opens for you and he groans in the kiss, weaving his hands in your hair. You never kiss the teachers you sleep with, and for good reason too, but you can't control yourself anymore. Your desperation is driving the car now, leaving your brain tied up in the trunk. 

   Nanami grabs a fistful of your braids and pulls your hair back, causing your head to fly backward, instantly breaking the kiss. You feel his mouth move from your chin to your jaw, to your neck, and now it's on your chest. He lets go of your hair for a moment and starts tugging at your top. "I need this off, now," He commands and you waste no time. You fling the shirt off and throw it behind you, not caring where it ends up. By the time your hands come back down, Nanami has already unclipped your bra and the straps are sliding down your arms. 

   "Fuck me," He whispers, staring at your chest and you feel yourself getting shy. He brings his hand up and palms one of your boobs, his thumb grazing your nipple and you lean your head back in pleasure. Nanami notices and does it again, teasing you with a smile on his face, and the next thing you know, you feel his mouth on you. Your hands fly to the back of his head as he sucks on your hard nipple, flicking his tongue around and on it. You're moaning uncontrollably now, unable to move because of the tight grip he has on your waist. He switches sides and begins pinching and rolling the one he just let go of, and your back arches. This causes him to become more intense, sucking harder and flicking faster, anything to keep you moaning. 

   Nanami couldn't get enough of your moans. When he heard it once, he knew he needed to hear it more as it kept replaying in his head. Your breathy moans were music to his ears. When he decides to pull away, you whimper and he officially loses all of his resolve. "Stand up," He growls accidentally, his voice laced with desire. "We're not doing this here."  You do as he says, standing up and pulling your skirt down, which causes him to laugh. "There's no point in doing that y/n," He says as he gets to his feet. He bends down and picks you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. "It's about to come right off." 

   You smile, understandably excited about what's happening. It doesn't take long before he reaches a room you're assuming is his bedroom. He opens the door and drops you onto the bed, and you feel the mattress dip as he gets on his knees in front of you. Your head is on his pillows that smell just like him and you feel yourself getting even more wet. Nanami's smell was intoxicating and you couldn't tell what it was. It wasn't strong like cologne or aftershave, it just smelled like him, and you couldn't get enough.  

  Nanami watches as you bury your face into his pillows from the side, and furrows his eyebrows, laughing to himself. "What are you doing?" He asks and you drop them, completely embarrassed. As you think of what to say to him, he begins sliding your skirt off, revealing your pink thong and you hear him curse again. "Y/n," He calls out and you hum in response. "Did you wear a matching set every day? Just in case one day I did give in?" He asks and you shyly nod. He erupts in laughter once again, tonight being the most you've ever seen him laugh, and you hide your face in embarrassment. 

   He pulls your hands away from your face and when you open your eyes, he's right on top of you again. He dips and presses his lips to yours quickly. He attempts to sit back up but you pull him down, not wanting to stop kissing him. He falls a bit but catches himself on his forearms and gives in to your kiss. You wrap your legs around his waist and he pushes his bulge into you reflexively, causing the both of you to moan in each other's mouths, spurring you two on at the same time. You bite his lip as you pull away and Nanami feels his dick get harder. "How come I'm only wearing my underwear and you're still fully clothed? That's not fair," You whine and he chuckles. 

   Nanami sits up, your legs still around his waist, and he pulls off the shirt, revealing the most beautiful body you have ever seen before. His abdomen flexes as he leans back down to kiss you again, and you run your hands down his back this time, feeling the now-exposed muscles. When he pulls away for good, he unhooks your legs from behind him and places them on the bed. He lays down in front of you, now face to face with your pussy and you feel your heart rate pick up again. 

    Nanami stares at the wet spot on your underwear, feeling himself get harder and harder, and he presses a thumb onto your clit. You moan softly, looking down at him, and he flicks his eyes up to look at you. Your eyebrows are furrowed with your hand over your mouth, watching him, waiting for more. He pulls your panties to the side, not wanting to bother with taking them off right now, and runs a finger up your slit. You moan again, encouraging him to keep going. He goes faster and soon enough, your hips are rotating, trying to chase his fingers. 

   He pulls his hand back and grabs onto your thighs, throwing them over his shoulders as he goes in with his mouth. You feel him kiss around your clit, but never on it, constantly teasing you and you groan, now becoming slightly frustrated. He finally kisses your clit and then flicks his tongue on it a couple of times before sucking it into his mouth. Your back arches as he plays with your clit with his tongue, flicking and sucking giving you wave after wave of pleasure. You can't control the lower half of your body as you grind against his mouth, feeling yourself get closer and closer to your orgasm. 

   He pulls away and suddenly, you feel a finger slide into you and you gasp, your hand now in his hair. He fucks you slowly with his middle finger, unable to look away from your pussy as it coats his finger in your wetness. When he adds a second, you moan louder and he fucks you faster, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He sucks your clit back into his mouth and now you're seeing stars. He continues his attack on your pussy, not stopping as you begin to convulse slightly around his fingers, legs shaking. 

   "Nanami, please don't stop," You moan and he shakes his head. He pulls away, his fingers still pumping in and out of you, and looks up at you again. 

   "Here, my name is Kento. Call me Kento," He commands and you nod, immediately moaning out his name when your clit enters his mouth again. Nanami moans on your pussy at the sound of his name and that's what broke you. Your back arches unbelievably far as you feel waves of heat and pleasure crash on you. Nanami doesn't stop, of course. He holds down your body as you convulse against his mouth and fingers, keeping the same pace as he fingers you. You begin to come down from your high and you realize that he's still going. You shake your head, breathlessly begging him to stop. 

   "K-Kento, please! It's t-too much!" You cry but he continues. He stops for a quick second to spit on your pussy and rub it in with his other hand. 

   "Don't care. Be a good girl and cum again for me," He says before he goes back down. Your mouth falls open again as he keeps on, with no end in sight.

   Nanami was starting to get addicted to you. No, scratch that, he was already addicted to you. Your smell, your voice, your smile, everything. Now it's like he's discovered a new strain and he's currently high. Nanami was high on you. On your moans, on your taste, the way you held his head in between your legs when you came the first time, he needed to feel it at least three more times. He didn't want to scare you though, he was going to get more some other day. He wanted to be selfish just one more time before he got up. He angles his fingers upwards once more, and you're coming again, quicker than last time. This time, Nanami uses his free hand to pry one of your legs open so he can slide his fingers in and out of you better as you come. Once you began shaking underneath him, a couple of breaths short of hyperventilating, he knew you were done. 

    You watch as Nanami sits up, his chin covered in your juices, and can't help but smile. You sit up to kiss him but he grabs your jaw instead. "Open," He says and you do as he says. He shoves his fingers in your mouth and you immediately begin sucking them, maintaining eye contact with him the entire time. With your free hand, you begin palming his hard dick, which was forming a tent in his sweatpants and he closes his eyes with a moan. Nanami pulls his fingers out and replaces them with his mouth and you taste yourself on him. You pull away and lick your mess off his chin, causing him to curse in response and kiss you harder. 

   You take the opportunity and begin palming him through his sweats. Nanami breaks away from the kiss to give you a soft sigh, an encouragement for you to continue. You pull his pants down and grab on to his dick, your hand barely wrapping around the entire thing. Nanami hums in satisfaction and sits on his shins while you take your spot beside him. He runs his hands through your hair as you lick the precum off of his tip, savoring the taste of it, knowing he kept his body healthy. You suck on his tip lightly for a few seconds, causing him to grip your braids tighter and you slowly descend down his dick. 

   Nanami doesn't usually cum quickly, he's taught himself over the years how to last as long as he needs to, but there was something about you that was making him lose his mind. He had been with many women, of course, but none of them compared to you. His short fantasy came true, your soft hands were at the bottom of his shaft, stroking what hadn't gone into your mouth yet. He was hoping he wasn't holding on to your hair too hard because all he could feel was the immense pleasure you were giving him. 

   You're gagging on him now, enjoying the feeling of his balls in your hand as you bob your head, and all you can hear is his moans and the sound of you choking on his dick. Suddenly, he pulls you up and lays you down on your stomach and you smile, excited for what coming next.  He finally slides your underwear off, and you hear his nightstand drawer open up. You stop him, knowing what he's reaching for. "It's fine, I'm on the pill," You tell him and you hear him slam it shut. Nanami immediately pulls your hips up and you grab one of his pillows to bury your face. 

    He chuckles to himself, too low for you to hear and he slides into you slowly. Your mouth falls open, completely enjoying the stretch his big dick was giving you. You gasp as he bottoms out, pulls out almost completely, and then slams back into you. You let out something in between a moan and a scream as he begins to pound into you. Nanami doesn't start off fast, he slowly builds up to it, wanting to make sure he is hitting the right spot. Once he started feeling your pussy gripping him with every thrust, he knew that it was okay for him to speed up. 

    With every stroke, your body would jolt forward and when he started going faster, you knew that you were in over your head. Nanami wasn't like the other teachers. The middle-aged men would give you less than ten strokes before coming in the condom you made them wear. You actually only started using the pill after you met Nanami, knowing that you would treat him differently, knowing that you'd actually enjoy yourself with him. Taking his class actually changed a lot about you. You began putting in effort again because you liked the attention he'd give you when he noticed you were trying. You noticed that he wouldn't even acknowledge the students that didn't try and you knew that that couldn't- that wouldn't- be you. 

    Nanami continued drilling into you, loving the sounds you were making until they stopped. He looks down in confusion and sees that your hand is covering your mouth. He reaches down and takes your wrists in his hands and pins them behind your back. "Don't hide it. Let me fucking hear you," He says with a teasing voice that had a hint of breathlessness in it. He holds down your wrists with one hand and places his hands on your hip with the other, forcing you to meet him for every stroke. Before you knew it, you were coming again, your body becoming weak. 

   He lets go of you and flips you over, now in missionary, and slides into you again. You moan something a couple of decibels short of a scream and grip the grey sheets below you. He resumes his attack, angling his hips so he's hitting your g-spot again and you can't help but hold him in your vice grip. Once Nanami feels it again, his hips falter, and he falls onto his hands to stabilize himself. He keeps going, now kissing your neck and moaning in your ear, a sound that's only pushing you closer to your orgasm. "Kento, I'm going to come again, please don't stop," You whine, and Nanami curses. 

   He does as you said and you wrap your legs around his waist again, forcing him deeper. "Shit, y/n, you're going to make me come inside you," He whispers, trying to control himself. You don't let up though. As a matter of fact, he's exactly where you want him. 

   "Nut inside me, Kento, I want it all," You tell him and he sits up quickly, breaking your leg lock once again. He jerks you closer to him and begins slamming into your pussy, his tip abusing your walls. You feel yourself getting dangerously close to the edge and he begins to rub your clit. You unwind underneath him again, this orgasm knocking the wind and voice out of you. You can't help but scream this time as you come apart, the pleasure too much for you to handle. Nanami has stopped rubbing your clit but hasn't stopped fucking you.

   He palms your boobs this time as he keeps his same pace, also getting dangerously close to coming. Your eyes are fluttering closed, your mouth slightly open, and you're unable to formulate full sentences as you try and tell Nanami about your overstimulation - not that he would've stopped, anyway. He wanted to feel you cum at least one more time before he let go. It didn't take you long, the feeling of him rolling and pinching your sensitive nipples and the constant grazing of your g-spot, you were on your 5th orgasm of the night. Nanami finally lets go, the warmth of his nut filling you up and you get goosebumps at the feeling. As he's coming he falls forward on his forearms, kissing your neck as he empties himself inside of you. 

   The two of you lay there for a couple of minutes, catching your breath and calming down, and then Nanami pulls out of you. He stands up and heads to the bathroom in his room and comes out with a small towel. He sits in front of you and cleans up the mess slowly falling out of you, while you lay with your arm over your head. 

   "Y/n? You alive?" He asks, patting the side of your ass, and you nod with a breathless laugh, still unable to move properly. Eventually, you regain strength in your legs again and you head to his bathroom without a word, where you pee and finish cleaning yourself. Nanami watches you wash your hands and trudge back to his bed before falling back onto it. You just lay there, the two of you sitting in silence until you hear Nanami laugh. 

   "What's so funny?" You mumble as you watch him put his pants back on. Nanami helps you sit up and helps you into the shirt he had on earlier. He pulls the blankets up over you and you sit up, not wanting to fall asleep yet. "Do you have an extra toothbrush? And what time is it?" You ask him and he looks up at the clock in the corner of the room that you didn't notice until now.  

    "It's 12:54 am, and yeah, come here," He says heading to the bathroom and you follow along with shaky legs. He hands you a green toothbrush and leaves you in the bathroom. As he cleans the living room, you brush your teeth, not wanting to wake up tomorrow morning with yuck mouth. Once you're done, you place it in his cabinet, next to his, and you lay back down on the bed. You hear Nanami walk in but you don't see him. A few seconds later, he's brushing his teeth as well. When he's done, he turns the lights off and gets in bed with you, throwing the covers over both of you. 

   He pulls you to his side, something you were scared to do yourself, and nuzzles into you. He's the big spoon and his hand is on your stomach, rubbing small circles into it. You begin to doze off, coming to terms with the fact that you're in your ethics teacher's bed right now, and you still have to do the homework he assigned for the weekend. Right as you're about to go to sleep, Nanami's deep voice resonates in your ear. 

"We have a lot to talk about in the morning, y/n." 

[afterglowkatie]

under the moonlight | natasha romanoff

Summary: reader comforting natasha while she has a little breakdown

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: sad natasha :(

Word Count: 837

Notes: im terrible with summaries im sorry :')

The door to the meeting room slammed shut as Natasha walked out. Everyone was silent, not knowing how to break the tension that had been formed since she left. No one knew why or what was said for Natasha to just get up and leave how she did. But you knew something wasn't right. It wasn't normal to see Natasha that way. Without hesitation you jumped up quick to follow her. The team looked to each other with confusion when you left, as far as they knew you and Natasha had never really spoken to each other before.

That would be the truth and you normally wouldn't follow but today you just felt this pull towards her, it was indescribable. Though when you finally found Natasha you wish that you weren't the one who had gone after her. You stood in the doorway of her room, stunned at the sight in front of you. Natasha had slouched next to her bed, pulling her knees to her chest and you watched as sobs wrecked through her body.

You had never been great at comforting people or knowing what to do when someone was upset or hurt, you normally left that up to someone else. Your heart pulled you to your next actions.

'Hey Nat, are you okay?' You sat next to Natasha, your hands in your lap as you stared straight ahead, 'wait no. That's a stupid question. Let me start over,' You took a deep breath, you hadn't disappeared yet like you wanted to but there was something about Natasha that pulled you to stay, to go outside of your comfort zone and learn how to comfort someone on the spot, 'I hope you feel better soon, just tell me what I can do to make you feel better,' You placed your hand on her back. Natasha felt you freeze as soon as you made contact.

You were too busy second guessing your actions and whether Natasha appreciated you being here or if she wanted you gone, that you missed the way her sobs had died down and there was a small smile forming on her face.

'You being here with me is more than enough,' Your eyes softened when Natasha lifted her head to look at you. Your eyes met her bloodshot ones, tears stained her cheeks. You gave her a small smile before an idea popped into your head.

'Come with me?' You got up and held your hand out towards Natasha. She accepted the hand and you helped her to her feet, though you didn't miss the confused look she gave you. Instead you chose to ignore the look and dragged her towards the roof.

There was a special entrance to the roof that only you had found. It led to a separate part of the roof that could only be accessed this way. You had turned it into a small oasis where you can be alone and calm down when everything is overwhelming.

'This is beautiful Y/N/N,' Natasha walked around, admiring all the work you had put into this small area. All of the plants were beautiful and well kept. Natasha was in awe.

'I come here when I'm feeling down. It helps to be able to have a place to be alone, it can be so loud down there,' You set out the blankets and pillows you kept up there and laid down, Natasha following and laying beside you.

For hours you didn't even have to say anything to each other, the comfort of knowing you were there if she needed you was enough to help calm Natasha's thoughts, 'It's still warm out, even with the sun being gone,' Natasha was the first one to break the silence. The sun had set and the moon was shining bright above the two of you.

'A funny thing called summer, you've heard of it?' Natasha laughed at you which caused you to smile.

'Thank you for showing me your secret oasis,' Natasha moved her hand so it was laying on top of yours, 'I understand if you don't want me to come here, you did say you like to be alone sometimes,'

'I think I can make an exception for you. Alone with you doesn't sound bad,' You rolled onto your side causing your hand to slip out from Natasha's. You were quick to place your other hand on top of hers when she gave you her best pout. One you just couldn't resist, 'You look beautiful in the moonlight,' You whispered out, loud enough for Natasha to still hear you.

'Thank you for today. I really appreciate what you did for me, I know it isn't easy for you,' Natasha laid on her side, now facing you. Lifting a hand up she cupped your cheek, gently rubbing her thumb across. Natasha leaned in and gave you a small kiss, it didn't last long but you both knew what it meant.

'I'll always step outside of my comfort zone for you Nat,'

[a-aexotic]

CONGRATS WITH 800 FOLLOWERS! YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH!!! ❤️❤️

🌙 with Rafe and Blank Space (i havent heard that song in a while so😖) Maybe like reader is as “crazy” as Rafe or something like that? Love you❤️

ofc babe, thank u sm!!!!!!!!! love u more

cw's: very toxic relationship but like funny... not conveyed in a very serious way, illusions to smut but no actual smut, crazy reader who's a little too much like me, uhhh lmk if i missed anything!

Opposites attract, people always love to say it. But have they actually ever seen it actually work out? People who preach "opposites attract" have never met you and Rafe.

You are equally as psychotic as Rafe, always chaos in your life. You live in constant chaos and you're fine with it. It adds plot to your story, you love to say.

When you met Rafe, there was an instant connection. When you met him, you knew that he was your next obsession. He was exactly your type - blonde, tall but most importantly, batshit crazy.

One day at a party, Rafe had approached you and you knew this was your time to shine. You'd been stalking his instagram for what seemed weeks and you knew he loved golf. So, you taught yourself everything there was about golf. He was very impressed, golf wasn't a very common interest for girls.

He suggested you guys could play sometime and that's how you got his number. And that's how it all began.

The first 3 months of you and Rafe was absolute summer heaven; yacht parties every week, delicious brunch at the country club, mind-blowing sex on the beach in Cabo.

But the 3 month rule is real, even for you and Rafe. The first argument you guys ever got in was of course about an ex; it always is.

"What the fuck Rafe, hearts? On her post? Are you serious?" You were standing next to his bed, your phone in hand as you showed him his ex's post, with his comment.

He was laying on his bed, annoyance evident on his face. "It was her birthday and they weren't even red hearts-"

"The color of the fucking hearts doesn't matter, Rafe! They're still hearts." You snapped making him get off the bed to stand in front of you, exhaling dramatically.

"Y/N, this is childish and stupid, why are you even mad-"

You were so mad you couldn't even contain a shout. "Why aren't you more understanding? What if I did that to my ex?"

"I wouldn't fucking know because I don't follow them." Rafe stated as you let out an angry scoff.

That fight ended with less understanding of you anger and more of Rafe making it up to you in a less wholesome way.

And thus began the next cycle - fight and scream, block and ignore, kiss and make up. Every time you would get angry, Rafe would be angrier even if the situation doesn't call for it. Sometimes, when you guys would make up, you couldn't even remember why you fought in the first place - you just did it for pure entertainment.

Rafe eventually caught on to your little ruse and decided maybe it was his turn. Now, every time he felt even a little intimidated by a guy you were talking to, he made it into a huge thing as well."

"He was grinding on you!"

You rolled your eyes, unfazed by Rafe's sudden anger. You were seated outside of the Cameron's house at the pool. "Hardly! Rafe, he just put his hand on-"

"I don't care." Rafe was suddenly up close to your face, his expression angry and annoyed. "No one is allowed to touch you but me, Y/N."

You smiled at that. "Yes, Rafe. Of course."

Petty arguments and faux anger wasn't the only thing going for you and Rafe. Sometimes, your fights were genuine but were taken too far. Like the time you banged up Rafe's car because he had started talking to his ex again during your "break."

You knew where Rafe kept his golf clubs and you decided to borrow just for this. His dad had bought him his dream car just a few months ago and you were about to wreck it.

You went up to the car and started banging it on the hood of the car. The door of the house opened and some shouting, you recognized it as Rafe.

"What the fuck-" He ran up to you. "Are you doing to my car?"

You stopped the banging and throw the golf club lightly at Rafe. "You fucking cheater!"

Rafe looked at you with confusion as he caught the golf club. "What-"

"Oh, you look sooo pretty in that tight sundress!" You mocked him and suddenly his face turned bright red. "Orange is such a pretty color on you!"

"Shit, Y/N! Don't act like you haven't texted any one of your exes just to get a raise out of me." He defended, scoffing.

"Never the one I knew you actually hated though, Rafe. You're a fucking asshole!" You then turned away from him and you felt like you were going to explode.

He sighed, walking towards you to put a hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry, you're right. I was just angry when I saw you touching that guy and I got caught up."

You shrugged.

He moved his hand to your jaw, making you look back up at him. "Can you forgive me?"

As you looked into those pretty eyes, you saw the sweet boy you had met just a few months ago. Your heart melted and you turned to face him. "Yeah.. Sorry about the car."

He pulled you in for a hug and you inhaled his expensive cologne and you felt like you were home again. You forgot everything in his touch; every bad thing he's ever done.

"Yeah, no it's fine Ward can repair it if we tell him one of Sarah's friends did it."

You held in your laugh at Rafe's solution, squeezing him tighter. "I love you, Rafe."

"Yeah, I love you too."

[mountsmase]

Imagine a first date with him during summer where you go out with his car and grab some food to take away from some restaurant or fast food and drive to a quiet place to sit down and eat and chat without there being too many people around to not be disturbed by some fans. Like imagine him driving you to a place he knows a little far from the city where there is a beach, with you trying to guess where you are going during the trip and you two having simple little chats about how each other’s day went, about his last games, training etc., It would still be light outside and the windows would be open with the light summer wind blowing through your hair, the radio of his car in the background and him trying to make you laugh and break the tension of the first date, he would be a little stressed and anxious too but would try to play relaxed and confident to make you feel as comfortable as possible, he would be looking so handsome with his slightly tanned skin, his freckles more visible because of the sun, his red nose bridge and his cheeks slightly pink. I imagine him dressed simply in shorts and a shirt or t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses, chewing a gum. You would eat and discuss in his car making yourself comfortable and facing the sunset over the sea without going directly onto the sand to not get it everywhere on the food, he would leave the music lightly on in the background while you discuss , he wouldn't stop asking you questions about you to know everything about you, not wanting to make the discussion all about his career and football, he would really like to get to know you and what you like or are passionate about, your studies or your work, he would be so attentive to everything you say and would seem really interested in what you say whereas at first you were afraid of talking too much or boring him and being uninteresting while on his side he tells himself that he could listen to you talk about anything and everything for hours without getting tired. At one point the conversation would continue outside on the beach with the two of you walking along the sea with him continuing to put you at ease with his jokes and funny stories, you would come across an ice cream stand and would take one each before going to sit on the sand to end the night, he would offer to let you taste the flavor of his ice cream and you would let him taste yours, he would feel so good sitting there with you discussing everything and nothing and watching you talk and laugh with your hair slightly messed up with the wind, he would gently put back a lock of your hair behing your ear without daring to do more at the moment and he would be so adorable and gentle with you. When it would be time to return to the car to go home he would see that you were starting to feel a little cold so he would offer you one of his hoodie that he had left in the back of his car and with his scent on it and finally he would stop the car at your house and would come out to take you to your front door and start stressing about whether he should try to kiss you or not and fearing that he would embarrass himself and you would watch as the slight panic took place on the face of the poor boy in front of you who stutters and blushes slightly, you would find it so cute to see him like that when he had looked so confident and relaxed since you two met and you would end up gently putting your hands on his cheeks in a burst of confidence and courage and place the softest kisses on his lips to put an end to his panic before thanking him for this evening and telling him that you had a very great time. He would be so shocked and amazed by the fact that it was you who initiated the first kiss between the two of you but he would find it so sexy at the same time.

Sorry I didn't realize it was so long lol but your post about a late night drive with hime inspired me a little too much 😂

anon. i love this. so much 🤭

This would be the most perfect first date ever 🥺

[space-mermaid-writing]

Consort and King [IronStrange]

Summary: Anthony Stark, King of Midgard, needs a spouse. Whether he wants one or not. So he accepts an arranged marriage with the Prince of Kamar-Taj – a man he has never met in his life to the day they are standing in front of each other at the altar, speaking their vows. Is it possible that the feeling of duty grows into something more? Will their future be happy?

Relationship: Tony Stark / Stephen Strange

Tags: arranged marriage au, royal au, strangers to husbands, enemies to lovers, slow burn, idiots in love, fluff, hurt/comfort, miscommunication, all the good stuff

Author's note: It wouldn't be a royal au without a ball. Asgard knows how to throw a party. Everyone say Hi to Loki Beta by @kvjjjjjj

Ko-fi | Read it on AO3 | Series Masterlist | Word count: 2.1k | Previous | Next

Chapter 9: Summer solstice

They received an invitation to a ball in Asgard. It happened that this year’s summer solstice fell on the same day as Queen Frigga’s birthday and she invited the leaders of all realms to attend the feast.

It was Tony and Stephen's first appearance as a married couple outside their own realm.

On the afternoon of the ball, Stephen opened a portal to the Asgardian palace. He and Tony stepped through, followed by some servants, who carried their luggage.

Although Stephen could easily portal them back home at the end of the night, they had decided to accept the extended invitation of the royal family and stay a day longer.

The ball didn’t start until the night. For now, primarily the guests were arriving – the couple spotted familiar and new faces among them – and getting assigned to their rooms. The hosts would not officially welcome them until later.

Tony and Stephen decided to take a little stroll through the gardens before getting dressed for the ball.

The palace's staff was busy with the final preparations. There was an excited buzz in the air. It was quieter in the garden. People had other things to do and so the two seemed to be the only guests out here.

They made their way past the white orchids, marveling at the looming trees that naturally bent to form an archway, leading them up the stone path. Sunlight peaked through the leaves, creating a shifting pattern under their feet.

To their left lay a fountain at the heart of the garden, water flowing gracefully from its sculpted tiers, creating a soothing symphony of splashes and ripples. At its base, the gentle spray caught the light, casting shimmering reflections on the surrounding feverfew flowers.

As they crossed the black calla lilies, Stephen pondered how they would look in the night. The Asgardian gardens were truly an experience in wondrous exploration.

“It’s funny that we hadn’t met before our wedding,” Tony mentioned and picked up a prior conversation they had had. “Even though we both have been attending Asgardian events before.”

“I have been here more often after my accident to study Seidr. It helped me understand the Mystic Arts better.”

Tony had learned that Asgard had its own kind of magic. Each of the realms actually differed in their magic. Tony had never thought about it before.

"I’ve been here on more occasions as a child with my father. He and Odin were close allies." Asgard and Midgard continued to be allied under Tony's rule, but he didn't see the need to come here as much as his father did. Tony was only moderately a fan of Odin himself. Frigga on the other hand was lovely; and he preferred talking to her.

Thor had been a friend of his since their childhood. They had fought together, laughed together, lost together.

Tony’s relationship to the second prince, Loki, on the other hand was more complicated. They had gotten off on the wrong foot the first time the two met and Tony still kinda held a grudge. Of course they had grown more mature over the years; these days he just tried to avoid Loki.

“Last time I was here solely for entertainment was the Winter Masquerade a few years ago.”

Stephen stopped and looked at him. “The one where Thor and his friend set loose the Wolpertingers in the ballroom?”

Tony turned towards him, tilting his head. “Yes.”

It had been a stupid prank, and he suspected that Loki also had a hand in it. The little animals, some kind of rabbit with wings, antlers, a tail, and fangs, were harmless, but they had caused a lot of chaos.

“I was there as well.”

“You were? Huh.” With the event being a masquerade ball, Tony hadn’t recognized a lot of people. “So maybe we have met before and just don’t know it.”

“Maybe.” Stephen looked at some of the flowers. The palace’s garden was famous for its beauty. Everyone knew the credit went to Queen Frigga, who saw personally to it.

It was weird that no one else was here. That was unusual since guests, who had already arrived, usually had nothing better to do than stroll around and marvel at the host’s palace.

Perhaps Stephen and Tony had inadvertently entered a restricted area.

Tony seemed to think something similar and in a silent agreement they strolled back towards the palace.

As they got closer, they saw Prince Loki descending the stairs from the palace to the garden. He had spotted the two Midgardians and was walking towards them, grinning broadly.

“Oh, how joyful,” Tony muttered dryly. He put on a neutral face. This was an event in the honor of Queen Frigga and he would play nice. For now.

But when he went ahead to approach Loki, Stephen grabbed his arm and held him back.

“Wait?”

Frowning, Tony looked at his husband. “What is it?”

Stephen stared intensely at the Asgardian Prince; watching him as if he were analyzing him. “Give me a second. I have to check something.”

Without another explanation, Stephen strode past him towards Loki.

Loki was now within talking range and had his arms outstretched in a welcome gesture. “I heard you arrived but I had to see it with my-…”

He didn't get any further, because with his first step forward Stephen had created a small mandala disc between his fingers and with his next step he threw it straight at the prince.

Loki looked surprised but was slow to react; the sharp edges of the magic disc sunk into his chest, before he was able to dodge it.

Loki looked down in surprise. Blood was seeping through his tunic.

“What the hell?” Tony yelled, following after his husband. “What are you doing?” He couldn’t believe what he was witnessing.

Stephen was just standing there, watching Loki’s body collapse onto the ground; without any remorse.

His voice had attracted the attention of a guard, who must have been patrolling somewhere in the garden nearby.

“Your Highness!” As soon as he spotted the prince on the ground, he pointed his spear at the two Midgardians.

Tony instinctively reached for the short sword he wore on his belt – it was just for representative decorative purposes, but it had to suffice for defense – and moved between his husband and the guard’s weapon. Stephen made no move to defend himself and for a moment there, Tony wondered if all of this had been an ulterior motive of the sorcerer.

But then Stephen finally spoke up. “Nice show, your Highness.” He addressed the guard.

At this point Tony was pretty sure Stephen had lost his mind. But then a golden-green shimmer went over the dead body and the guard, and both of them vanished.

“Thank you,” said a smooth voice behind them. As they turned around, Loki stepped out from between some bushes. “Did you like my death? Very authentic, not too dramatic.”

“Yes, that almost had me doubting,” Stephen admitted. “But you made a mistake with the setting. By the lack of people in the garden we’re clearly not supposed to be here. Yet you added a guard who rushed to your aid and thus had to stand nearby, while they still allowed us to wander around in this restricted area.”

“You always had an eye for details.” Loki was rather amused than offended, that his ruse had been seen through. Then, he finally turned to Tony, who had listened to their banter irritated as well as irked.

“King Stark. How joyful to see you again.”

Immediately, Tony no longer felt guilty because Loki had clearly listened in on their conversation. He resisted the urge to use his own sword after all and put it back in his belt.

“If you're also in charge of the night’s entertainment, it promises to be an eventful ball.”

“This night is all about my mother. I merely wanted to greet you two.”

“You shouldn’t have.” For real. Tony could have gone without that almost heart attack.

Without commenting on that, Loki looked back to Stephen. “I recently visited Kamar-Taj but it was rather boring without you being there.”

“I’m sure you bothered other sorcerer’s just as fine.”

Maybe Tony was just imagining it, but Stephen’s voice was almost fond. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“They weren’t as fun as you.”

“Well, this was…something. But surely you’re still busy with the preparation for the feast,” Tony interrupted whatever this was they had going on. “We don’t want to keep you from your responsibilities.”

Fortunately, Loki took the hint. “That’s very considerate of you, King Stark.” His voice dripped with sarcasm and he eyed Tony from head to toe. Like always, he was rubbing Tony all the wrong ways. “You’re not wrong: there’s still a lot to do. I will see you later at the ball.” He saw them off with a bow. "King Stark. Consort Strange."

With a last wink and still a grin on his face, he finally left.

Tony let out a breath he didn’t realize he had held the entire time.

Then he turned towards Stephen and tipped his finger on his chest, his anger rising again. “Next time you kill a prince, warn a guy!”

His husband seemed surprised by his strong reaction, since Loki’s life had never been in danger. “If the illusion had really been him, he would have fended off my spell with ease.”

“How would I know?”

Stephen realized his mistake. “I apologize. I never wanted to worry you.” He remembered Tony’s reaction to the illusion of the prince’s death – defending his husband from the guard – and he smiled. “I’m flattered you would back me up anyway if I were to kill a prince.”

Tony didn't feel like laughing. The adrenaline was only just disappearing from his body, but he still felt on edge. “Do you think this is funny?”

“Again, I’m sorry.” Stephen reached for Tony's hand and placed it on his own chest. “Loki is... particular. He probably would have done worse if his illusion had reached us."

Tony could imagine that. That was why he didn’t like the trickster. “Still. Just… don’t do this again. Ever.”

“I promise.”

“Okay, good.” Tony accepted it for now, not wanting to carry his sour mood into the rest of the evening. They were here to celebrate. “They do have drinks here somewhere, right? I think I need one.”

Not letting go of Stephen's hand, he moved to go back inside the palace.

_________________

Finally, it was time to get changed for the ball. Tony displayed his family colors of red and gold, while Stephen stayed with blue. But he had added a red accent in the form of a cloak Tony had gifted him for this very event.

“It suits you,” the king stated, looking at his husband fondly. His previous anger was forgotten. He stepped closer to him and helped him fasten the cloak at the front. There were two brooches, mirrored in shape. One showed the Stark’s emblem, the other one Strange’s. “My colors look good on you.”

“Yeah?” Stephen was blushing a bit at the simple gesture and the compliment.

“Yes.” Tony fixed his husband’s hair – not that it was of any use. By now he knew that there was one strand in the front that refused to cooperate. So it was really just an excuse to get his finger into that soft hair.

Stephen wore the silver circlet of a prince, while on Tony’s head rested one of his crowns. Nothing too fancy but perfect for a night of drinking and dancing.

On the day of his coronation, Stephen would also receive a golden crown to prove that he was Tony’s equal.

“We should start looking for designs soon,” he muttered, more of a reminder for himself than for the sorcerer to hear.

“Oh?” Stephen tilted his head. “Don’t I get the same crown as you?”

“I mean, you can if you want to. But I had something in mind that was a little more… you.” He turned Stephen and himself to the side, drawing his husband's attention to the mirror on the wall, which showed both of them together.

It was unusual for them to see themselves standing so close to each other – at least from the outside point of view– both in their gala uniforms, adorned with jewelry and crowns. Stephen was a little taller, but Tony made up for it with his charm and demeanor.

Stephen liked what he saw. “I’d like that.” He smiled and Tony mirrored it.

“I will call the goldsmith first thing when we’re back home.”

The sorcerer nodded, but paused when he realized that when hearing ‘home’ he thought about the Stark’s palace and really meant it. It had been the first image that had come to his mind. Not Kamar-Taj.

He had finally arrived in Midgard. Not only with his life but also with his mind.

His eyes met Tony’s in the mirror.

And maybe with his heart.

_____________

Taglist: @goopierthenyou (tell me if you want to be added/removed)

[mediocrelanguagelearner]

I wanted to complain about an old guy I meet from time to time in a park but it turned out to be a pretty long story. So if you want to read about how being polite to a stranger led up to me actively changing my routine to avoid him, keep reading.

I started going to a park for my lunch break almost two years ago (that is, when it was nice outside) to eat and listen to a podcast or read. An old guy started wishing me to enjoy my meal and it felt weid - it's not really normal to talk to strangers here - but I thought "oh well, it's an old guy, he probably wants to be nice and doesn't have people to talk to". So I just smiled and thanked. Then after couple of days he started asking me what am I eating and then he started talking to me about other things too. I understood from what he was saying that he is pretty rich - he was recommending me some rice that costs like 10 times what I'm usually paying for rice and he kept talking about how his son went to uni in the US. Usually he talked to me only for a couple minutes but still, I was kind of bothered because I wanted to sit in peace and enjoy my podcast or book, not to talk to a stranger. But I was trying not to be rude to an old person. I was glad when it was cold outside again, that meant I'm staying in my office and can read in peace.

When I started going out the next year, I had a couple of months of peace. But then in the summer I stumbled upon him when I was entering the park. I hadn't seen him for so long that I didn't mind meeting him, I smiled politely and greeted him as I walked by. He started asking me questions and even though I wanted to leave many times, he ended up talking to me my whole lunch break.

And that was when I started getting really uncomfortable talking to him. During that conversation, he: - asked me for my number (saying we could message every day in English to practice) - asked me out for coffee - gave me compliments about my outfit and tell me I'm not dressing like "other women" but in a way he, "an old-school guy" likes it. I told him I very much dress like other women. - "jokingly" suggested I travel with him to Dubai because he's sure I'd appreciate the art gallery there. He complained how hard it is to find people who like art to travel with him and that he meets a lot of gold diggers. He told me he's sure I'm not one. I should note, he knows I have a partner. - told me he studied psychology back in the day, among other things, and that he's sure I'm a very sweet, positive and optimistic, smiling all the time. I told him he couldn't be more wrong. It's funny how he thinks he can see "the real me" when I'm just being polite to an old man I don't know. - walked me back to my place of work (uncomfortable and scary) - told me I shouldn't go out in the sun because I have such a lovely fair skin.

So since that conversation he's been giving me the ick. And I started wishing I wouldn't meet him and actively tried avoiding it. I started going to a different part of the park and just generally switching the places I used to sit at. After a couple of weeks I met him again. I was reading, he interrupted me and said how happy he was to see me and that he's been afraid I've been avoiding him. "Well I'm just sitting where there is a free spot," I said with a polite smile. I lied. I should've been honest but I lied. "I hope I'm not interrupting," he said. I pointed at my book and said "well, I'm reading..." He kept talking to me and at the end of our conversation said I look angry and that he'll let me go on with my reading. Because this time I wasn't smiling politely the whole time.

I don't like talking to him, I never have. But in trying to be polite to a stranger, who is an older person too, I failed to stand for myself and set boundaries. And I know how stupid and just generally bad that is. I shouldn't be forced to change my habits and what I want to do because I'm afraid I'd meet that guy. But I just don't want to confront him. And I don't want to see him. So my best option was to avoid him.

It's february now but I started going to the park again, just to walk around and stretch my legs. Two times now I've seen him from afar before I went into the park and both times I nearly got an heart attack and turned around as fast and I could and just tried to disappear without him seeing me. I suspect he did see me today, but I hope he didn't recognise me. What I'll do in the summer I don't know. Maybe I'll learn to stand up for myself.

[thecancerqueenofcups]

It is a chilly September evening . The sound of the wind can be heard from inside my room.I sit here reminiscing about our times together.I wish you were here right now.I would tell you about all the things I’ve accomplished.But you’re far, far away and

I don’t have your number.

Do you remember the first time we met?

It was a warm summer night and I asked for your phone to call my mom cause mine died.I smile every time I remember that night, you know .You didn’t know me but you gave me your phone anyway.It was an iphone 5. It was a dream of mine at the time to have that phone

I thought it looked cool.

After I called my mom you asked for my number cause you said I looked familiar.Honestly now that I think about it that was a lousy excuse to have my number .

You didn’t call me for 3 days after that, I was upset with you but now come to think of it you were probably watching how I met your mother and wanted to be just like Barney Stinson, you even did your hair like him.You called me though, 3 days later , I even remember the exact date, it was july 15th.You asked to meet me at your place.Turns out we did know each other after all. Your mom remembered me from your kindergarten.As you showed me old pictures that were already kind of discolored I remembered you. You were the boy in kindergarten who would bring candies for me and would always sit next to me in class while everyone was outside playing and watch me eat them.

You always said you liked how I smiled.

I didn’t really like you at first but you kept saying you wanted to hang out with me and to be honest as time went on, you kept growing on me.

Soon enough I knew your favorite song and what you liked to eat for breakfast.I knew where you kept your movie collection and how you liked your coffee. And I promised not to tell your mom when I accidentally found your stash.I still see her from time to time,

She looks sad.

I tried to stop you from doing that crap but you always laughed it off and told me I don’t understand yet.

You were right I didn’t.

You used to call me and ask me to listen to Greenday albums with you and every single time you’d take your guitar and pretend you were Mike Dirnt and I’d take your hairbrush and pretend I’m Billie Joe Armstrong.

I haven’t done that in such a long time.

I still watch Harry Potter and drink hot chocolate with gingerbread cookies every Christmas just like we used to do.

Do you remember the day you gave me cigarettes for the first time?They were Marlboro reds.

I hated them. I coughed for 5 minutes after the first puff. You were laughing at me while I was cursing you.I was so mad at you.

I smoke now.

You always said I’ll be the death of you and I always used to say if I was the heroin you were using then yes I will be the death of you and you’d laugh just like you would every single time.It’s funny how life plays ironic jokes on you.

You would never use it when I was with you so I’d come around every day and night .I made sure to never leave your side.

And one day your mom didn’t call me to come around anymore.

I kept calling you but it went straight to voicemail.Your mom wouldn't answer either and your brother always told me to call later.

I hate voicemails now.

3 days later ,Barney Stinson style, I received a handwritten note from you. “Promise me you won’t cry over me.”

I barely cry now.

It’s been 5 years since then.I performed our favorite song on stage just like I promised. I remembered you and I cried for the first time and I looked at the sky hoping I’d find you,

you weren’t there

I guess it’s because you’re far, far away and it doesn’t really matter cause

I don’t have your number.

[alba8688]

Wicked game

Warnings:18+ no minors 🔞

After an hour of walking the guys arrived at Saddle up .

They stop at the entrance noticing it was packed for a Thursday night .

Eddie was the first one to walk in and he was glad he did because the fresh Ac  felt so good on his face after that long walk on the summer heat .

He looked around and he knew right away his band and him didn't belong there .

They where all wearing black with ripped jeans or jean battle vest .

While everyone had a cowboy hat or boots they really looked out of place .

The bar had a nice ambiance it was something Eddie wouldn't usually go to because all they where playing was country music .

Eddie wasn't a big fan of country music but for now I guess it was ok .

His uncle Wayne would ave love this place maybe one day he will bring him here .

The guys sat down at the stools near the bar and waited for someone to take their order .

"Deb will be right back she is kind of busy right now ." An old man dressed like the guys from one of the movies Wayne watches told the guys .

The old man pointed to the girl riding the bull she was wearing a black cowboy hat with a glittery dress and long boots that went up to her knees .

Eddie felt like cupid had hit him straight on his heart.

He had never seen a girl so fucking beautiful in his life.

He thought he might be in love maybe he was just overreacting but that's how he felt .

Well he has never been in love once in his life I mean if you count the hook outside the bar then yeah he has never been in love.

The girl riding the bull had a beautiful smile and dark brown short hair .

Eddie felt like it was love at first sight.Thats what he always said she he met a beautiful girl .

"Here we go ." Gareth noticed Eddie  staring at the girl dumbfounded.

Gareth imagined him floating all the way till where she was .

"I think I'm love Gare."

Gareth just rolled his eyes he knew where this was going .

Eddie was going to flirt with that poor girl until she felt for him and when he felt that he was falling he would push her away .Like he always did.

Gareth knew Eddie was always such a hopeless romantic but always afraid to fall in love  because always thought he wasn't worth it coming from a trailer park and from parents that never wanted him that's why he live with his uncle Wayne .

His father and mother being drugged addicts his mother afraid to leave her father because he was the reason she will get her stuff .His dad an asshole a cheating asshole who cheated on his mom while she was at the same house high as fuck sitting down on the couch watching her husband fuck Some other chick.

While little Eddie was locked in his room

With the stereo so high up that he couldn't hear anything he would fall Asleep to whatever song was Playing.

Eddie thought he could never love and be love because he thought he would Be the same way his dad would be with him .

That's why he always pushed people away especially any girl that wanted something serious that's why he only went for one night stands .

But something about that girl riding the bull made him Feel something funny inside his little

Cold heart it felt like it was beating or trying to beat ..or maybe he was having a heart attack.

Nah it wasn't that .

He was too lost in thought that he didn't realized that Deb the girl riding the bull was already taking his friends orders .

Gareth was already asking for any mechanic available right now .

"So what's gone to be your order handsome?" Eddie spin around on the stool when he heard the voice .

"Dude she is talking to you ." Gareth smack Eddie's arm getting him out of the trance he was .

"Here's the menu for the food and here's the menu for drinks." The Bartender name Deb Place two different menus in front of Eddie .

Eddie felt his cheeks reddened by the eye contact they where doing know-one has ever done that before always to afraid to look a the freak .

"U-umm what do you recommend?" Eddie finally got the guts to speak up because right now he was like a sophomore all over again when he tried talking to that cute girl in his science class .

It's like he was going back in time all that confidence had gone down the drain the minute the pretty bartender talked to him .

"Well for me my favorite is the Tacos I make them myself so they are delicious ." Eddie just heard her speaking and he knew he was smiling like an idiot right now .

"I'll take that ." Eddie smiled at her passing the menu back at her.

"With Everything!" She asked him

"Yeah ." He responded ,not knowing what everything was.

"Ok,I'll be back to take your drink order if you still need time ,so I can get started on your orders .

Yeah ,all the guys had asked for tacos but they thought there where Taco Bell tacos .

They where in for a surprise .

After a few minutes Deb came back with there orders pulling a plate in-front of each boy .

"Ok ,here you go ." She told Eddie

Eddie smiled like the hopeless romantic he was .

"Thank you ." He hadn't even noticed the plate infront of him .

"Are these tacos?"Jeff asked  Deb

"Yes ,what kind of tacos where you...oooooh you guys are not from here are you ." She chuckled "You where expecting Taco Bell tacos ." The 3 boys and Eddie nodded yes all four mesmerized by the beautiful girl talking to them .

"Well im sorry to burst your bubble but this are the real thing ,now can I get your drinks ?" She asked them

They all asked for beers except for Eddie he asked Deb to give him whatever she would drink .

So she did ,she made a strong Dirty Martini right infront of him.

"It's my favorite ,I like my Martinis to be the dirtiest ." She winked at him .

And Eddie thought he melted right at the spot from the inside little ole him Was jumping from excitement but from the outside he had a tough guy facade .

And Deb Was falling for it so hard she always fell for the bad guys but they always broke her heart .

And she always fell for them over and over again and here she was once again falling for a guy she barely knows, that look like a rockstar,she knew that  One day she was gonna  regret it but tonight she knew she wanted him .

As the night went on Deb stayed with the four boys letting the other bartender attend the other customers .Deb was completely lost in those pool of brown eyes .

"So how long have you been working here ?"Gareth asked her .

"January of this year "

"And why this job?" Eddie asked her ,he wanted to know everything about her he was fascinated by her .

"Well ,I was actually in college but decided it wasn't for me ,my parents weren't that happy about there youngest Daughter being a college drop out and kick me out of the house and I found this place and Javier the owner of this bar offer me a job and with the job came the apartment ." She pointed upstairs with her index finger .

"You're parents suck." Jeff blurts out

"Yeah they do ." Deb chuckles because indeed they did .They where embarrassed of her being drop out when all the family had a college degree mostly phds they wanted her to be a doctor but she wanted to be a bartender and a chef and that wasn't a job that was good for her .

But she didn't care it was what she love to do and what she was going to do .

"This tacos are amazing!!" Gareth moan his mouth full of food.

"I know they are ." Deb winked at him making choke on his food .Eddie hit him the back to help him passed the food .

"Holy shit this salsa is spicy ." Jeff chugged his beer.

"Yeah the read one is the spiciest ,green one is meh."

Now you tells us Eddie had his lips inside the martini.He was holding up the glass to his lips.When he put the glass down Deb bit her bottom lip.His pretty plump lips where red and a bit swollen and she wanted to kiss them to make him feel better .

What is wrong with me?

She thought getting those damn thoughts out of her head she couldn't do that .

She just met this guy not that long ago and she wants to get in his pants .

Well one night stand wouldn't hurt.

She thought again.

"Deb get those thoughts out of your head ." She told herself .

But she couldn't.

Eddie was just there eating looking so damn cute.

Fuck she was gonna get in his pants tonight .

She told herself .

She sounded so desperate but is not her fault she hadn't slept with anyone since January.And now her hormones were going crazy when seeing a cute metalhead .

As the light went by the boys decided to ask Deb for information about a mechanic and also they told her that they had nowhere to stayed and that there van had broken down and they asked if she knew of a close by hotel but  she told them she had an extra room in her apartment plus  and a comfortable couch.

"A-are you we wouldn't want to be a bother ." Eddie told her .

Is not that Eddie didn't want to stay with her but he knew himself he wasn't going to be able

To sleep knowing there were in the same place .

"Yeah it's just me so I don't mind some company plus some nights are lonely." She winked at Eddie making him choke on his drink Coughing and spluttering all over the bar making Deb and the rest of guys laugh.

"Ha ha really funny that I forgot to laugh." Eddie rolled his eyes getting a napping and cleaning his mess .

"I'm out in 30 if you guys want a place to crashed ."Deb knew it was a crazy idea she just met this guys for all she knew is that they could

Be murderer and she was over here

Letting stay at her place .

they all agreed so fast because they weren't planning on staying in the van in the middle of nowhere.Plus they where so fucking tired they just wanted to sleep .

"Ok so it's settled after my shift I'll take you all boys home." She winked at them making all the poor boys blushed .

So when Deb's shift ended the boys followed her upstairs to her apartment .which was just upstairs of the bar pretty hidden for anyone to find .

It was right next to the main office hidden from everyone and there was a door to go upstairs and Eddie was glad for that because he fear for Deb's safety from all these drunks .Even though just had met her his uncle always thought him to treat women with respect and he did.But sometimes girls didn't want to be respected .

"So this is my apartment ." Deb tells the boys opening the door .and getting Eddie out of his thoughts .

"Holy shit !" The guys gasped ..

"Yeah the living room is nice it's the only big room the rest are small ." Deb takes her boots off by the entrance and the boys followed her lead .

"The room is over there and well here's two couches whoever wants to the take bed is a full size bed so two can sleep there ." Deb tells the boys .Eddie is not listening to anything she is saying because he is not thinking correctly right now well he is thinking with the wrong head .He doesn't know how he is going to be able to sleep

In the same apartment as Deb.

He was use for the girls to be jumping on his bones but Deb was making everything so hard if you know what I mean.

"Yeah the living room is nice, it's the only big room, the rest are small ." Deb takes her boots off by the entrance and the boys follow her lead .

"The room is over there and well here's two couches. Whoever wants to take the bed is a full size bed so two can sleep there ." Deb tells the boys .Eddie is not listening to anything she is saying because he is not thinking correctly right now well he is thinking with the wrong head .He doesn't know how he is going to be able to sleep

In the same apartment as Deb.

He was used to the girls jumping on his bones but Deb was making everything so hard if you know what I mean.

"So the bathroom in down the hall the third door at the end of the hall there's some shampoo and conditioner also body wash if you guys want to shower .towels are in the closet inside the bathroom.Make yourselves at home." She told them before going into her room to shower and get ready for bed .

Eddie watched her go into her room and he waited quietly to make sure to hear the clock sound of her door meaning she locked it but she never did .

Eddie punched the air silently .

"What was that for ?." A sleepy Anthony asked

"N-nothing I-I was stretching my arm ." Eddie lied and Anthony just shook his head and lay down in the sofa covering himself with the blanket and turning the other way with his back to Eddie .

Later that night while Deb was laying down in her bed wide awake not being able to sleep thinking about the boy who was sleeping in her couch .She kept moving around changing positions in her bed .She couldn't get him out of her head or maybe it was because she hadn't had sex in a while and her body was asking for it.

She knew what she was doing when she decided to get up from bed to grab a bottle of water when she had a mini fridge in her room.She wanted to be notice by Eddie especially with what she was wearing she decided to wear a pink over sized tee with only panties.Yes she wanted to tease Eddie.She open the door to her room and look to both sides to make sure know one else was awake it was a small apartment .She step out and made sure not to turn on the lights to the kitchen because it was right next to the living room where Eddie and Anthony were sleeping .

She tiptoed to the kitchen, her heart beating faster. She didn't know why ,well maybe she did it was because of the metal head sleeping on her couch right now.

She opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water and chugged it all .She needed to cool herself down.

Her body needed to behave .

Meanwhile Eddie was laying down in the sofa not being able to sleep as well thinking about Deb he had never been attracted to anyone like he is to Deb.

Suddenly the door to Deb's  room open getting Eddie out of his dirty thoughts.There she was walking out or her room,Eddie couldn't see her correctly because everything was dark but when she open the door to the fridge she saw her she was wearing a pink oversized shirt Eddie couldn't tell if she was wearing shorts and that made his dick twitch in his boxers .

Then to make things worse for Eddie when Deb was drinking the water her shirt raised up showing that she was only wearing panties and something broke in Eddie .He got up from the sofa slowly trying not to wake up Anthony and slowly walked to the kitchen .

He was on a mission .

"Hey." He whispered ,Deb Gasped putting her hand on her chest .

"Jesus!" She blink too many times trying to

Adjust her eyes to the dark .

"S-sorry." Eddie stuttered ,he thought he could be tough but as soon as she saw her pretty eyes he became Eddie from sophomore year .

"It's ok ."Deb closes the fridge door leaving them both in the darkness .

There was an awkward silence for what seemed like hours but it had only been like a minute.

"Can't sleep." Eddie said in a low voice breaking the awkwardness.

"Yeah me Either." Deb said softly, her heart beating faster and so did something else .She didn't know what was happening right now .

She didn't think it was the right idea to be alone with him.She knew herself ,she knew she would fall easily and she didn't want to.

All she wanted was just one night stand of good sex that's all she wanted, no strings attached .

Just some good sex.

So One thing lead to another Deb invited Eddie to her room to watch a movie .yeah at 3am .They chose some scary movie The conjuring to be exact .The thing was that Deb wasn't scared and Eddie was waiting for the moment to protect her but it never happen.She wouldn't even get close to him to at least feel her arm or something she was so far away from him .

Eddie was going crazy. He wasn't even paying attention to the movie; he kept  moving around trying to find a way to hide his boner .

He didn't think he could pop a boner while watching a scary movie but Deb had to stretch and he saw her panties and  it was driving him mad .He kept shifting uncomfortably.He kept thinking of things to make his boner go away.but nothing worked .

She was fucking wearing white lace panties !!

How can he forget about that .He couldn't get that picture out of his head he beaded to see what was under those panties .

"Jesus Christ." Eddie said under his breath .

"Huh?" Deb asked when she heard him say something.

"Oh Jesus Christ that was scary ." Eddie chuckled awkwardly .

Deb giggled "you can scoot over so I can Protect you from the bad guys ."Eddie blushed and scooted over just a tiny bit .

"I don't bite ." She smirks "unless you want me too ." Eddie gulped .He didn't know why he was feeling so damn shy right now .I mean he just met this girl and she was driving him crazy.

He tried to concentrate on the stupid movie but he wasn't interested in it anymore, not when he had seen Deb's panties.And he was right next to her his bare leg touching her soft leg .

Deb stretched one more time and Eddie couldn't help it. He looked down wanting to see what was in between her legs yes he knew he looked like a perv but there was something about her that was addicting. He wanted to know what she tasted like on his lips.

Why was she teasing him?

Eddie close his eyes and tried to contain himself counting

"1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi .." but he stop when he felt Deb's small hand on his thigh so close to his raging boner.

He gulped keeping his close.

Play "Wicked game "Chris Isaak

"Eddie." Deb said in the most flirty voice,distracting Eddie once again from his dirty thoughts.

"Yeah." Eddie gulped turning to look at Deb .

She didn't say anything her legs move on their own and the next thing she knew she was straddling Eddie and kissing those damn soft plump lips .pressing down on Eddie's hard cock.Giving him the friction he needed.

Eddie grip her thighs hard probably leaving a mark for Deb to see tomorrow but she didn't seem to mind she was enjoying herself too much at the moment.She started rubbing her clothed pussy against Eddie making him go completely crazy.

He didn't think that just the smallest friction would have him rolling eyes to the back of his head .She had him so lost in pleasure that he was so close to bust in his boxers.

Eddie stopped her movements and kissed her lips biting the bottom lip .

"If you keep doing that I'm not gonna last much longer." He said in a low voice that sent shivers down Deb's spine .

Eddie didn't know what had gotten into him he needed her bad he wanted to taste every single part of her .Eddie lean to kiss her jaw and down her neck looking for that soft spot that would make Deb crazy .A little moan escape her lips when Eddie found that special spot on her neck totally making Deb a mess.

"Right there huh?" He smirked ,Deb couldn't respond back .She was too lost now the damage was done ..

It all started from a kiss to a little bit a grinding and the next thing they know they were both naked .Eddie was in between Deb's legs Eating her out like a starving man .She was glad she had shave down there.She was glad she had also shave her legs maybe it was a sign from the sex Gods .

"Fuck baby you're so wet ." Eddie groaned, his mouth still on Deb's clit, his voice vibrating, sending wave shocks all over her body .

Deb was trying her best not to be too loud because she had company and she didn't want to be heard.But it was so hard when Eddie knew exactly what to do with his tongue.Eddie was enjoying the moment he didn't give a fuck who heard him he was loving the sounds she was making just for him.He wanted everyone to hear who was making her feel this way .

"Oh fuck Eddie im .." Deb wasn't even able to finish her sentence because her orgasm hit her like an electric shock all over body .It was by far the best orgasm she has ever had in her whole entire life .

"Fuck baby that was hot ." Eddie grinned his mouth glistening with her arousal.He crawl over on top of her attacking her lips .Deb could taste herself on his lips and for some reason that made her even more wet .There was something about Eddie that drove her crazy maybe it was the fact that he made her have the best orgasm ever .Nobody has ever made her feel the way Eddie does..But she reminded herself it was only sex and nothing else she couldn't let herself get hurt once again.She couldn't get attached because that what she did .She tends to fall easily then gets hurt.

"Please." She begged.She needed to feel him inside her .

"Please what sweetheart?" Eddie coo teasing her by rubbing the tip of his dick on her clit.

"Fuck." Eddie moaned

"Eddie please fuck me ." She rolled her eyes. She was used to getting what she wanted but Eddie was making it hard for her because he loved teasing her.

"Only because you ask so nicely sweetheart ." Eddie smirks and gently pushes himself inside until he bottoms out both moaning in uníson not caring who was listening .

Right now they were both too lost in the euphoric feeling that they had totally forgotten about the other guest who had woken up by all the noise they were making .

Gareth chuckled knowing dam well this going to happen with the fuck me eyes Eddie and Deb kept making to each other the whole night .

Jeff just out on his earphones putting his music so loud to cover the moans coming from the room next to them.

Anthony opened the door to the room and walked in with the blanket "they are too loud ." He grumbled laying down on the bed with his friends.

"It won't stop ." Jeff said

"It's worse out there ." Anthony pointed to the living room.

"Guys just tried to rest ." Gareth told his friends

"We are trying but they make it hard ." Jeff groaned ..

The next morning Deb woke up sore her whole body ache but in a good way .Memories from last night flash back to her making her smile so hard .

"Goodmorning." Eddie said in his morning voice making Deb feel things she wanted because it was supposed to be a one night stand and here she was cuddling with Eddie the morning after the events that happened last night.

"You have a mini fridge here ?" Eddie smirked knowing that Deb had a reason first having gone to the kitchen and it was to get his attention.

"Shut up ." Deb pushed him away..

"Get up!!!" Gareth knocked on the door freaking them out .."we got to look for a damn mechanic Eddie so our your clothes on cause I'm

Coming in to dragged out !!!"

"Yes we know !!." Jeff shouted

"You didn't let us sleep." Anthony shouted

Eddie and Deb looked at each other and laughed .

They knew it was just a one night stand.And it was never going to happen again.

While getting ready Deb gasped realizing that she hadn't taken her pill last night and they didn't use protection.

I mean nothing could happen right ?

Next chapter

[jessource]

LYRIC SENTENCE STARTERS:  PEACH PRC.    — from the ep manic dream pixie.

KINDA FAMOUS.

“coffee black. receipts told me you like that.” “so i was thinking spring, silver wedding rings.” “and i've picked out all our baby names.” “ok, now obsessed.” “your name on my chest.” “you're kinda famous.” “don't wanna be friends.” “you're not a phase.” “i know you don't know me yet.” “my obsession.” “know you will. better, more than yourself.” “cctv, smile and wave.” “so take me up backstage.” “i know all the names of every song you played.” “one day you'll write about us too.” “i can be your muse when we say 'i do'.” “you're gonna love me if you know me.” “you're gonna love me soon enough.” “i'm your biggest fan.”

PERFECT FOR YOU.

“baby, i'm perfect for you.” “can we go outside for a walk?” “(name) told me you guys were hitting it off.” “she kissed me in the bathroom.” "oh, she said it's just for attention or making her jealous.” “you guessed it.” “i'm not a good friend but she doesn't know that.” “she's gonna hate me, but i want you so bad.” “i want you so bad.” “kiss me, i'm not scared.” “if she's gone, i swear.” “i'm done tryna play it fair.” “i don't care.” “touch me.” “i'm alone now.” “are you on your own?” “she might want you but i do too.” “if you only knew.” “you were in boots and a cowboy hat.” “(name) said you knew my music.” “next week you're playing for (name).” “now i can't betray her.” “even though the gods are crazy.” “even though the stars are blind.” “if you show me real love.” “i'm in your sweater.” “don't wanna upset her.” “but i can do what she can do so much better.”

F U GOODBYE.

“i know it's been a while since you've seen me.” “i heard you're doing well now with your comedy.” “i reminisce nostalgic bits of 90s hits.” “do you miss it, have you thought of it since?” “so if you still think of me i'd love to meet for coffee.” “if i could just see your face.” “i'd look into your eyes and say i hate your jokes and don't think you're funny. “i hope you choke.” “know that you were the worst 45 seconds i had in my life.” “i hope your conscience haunts you at night.” “fuck you and goodbye.” “a couple therapists are now familiar.” “and by the way, i caught up with your ex.” “we shared regrets and most of them were sex.” “so if you miss the old days i'd love to meet face to face.” “i'd sit down at your table and scream if i was able.” “i hate your jokes and don't think you're funny.” “thanks to you gentle hands still resemble demands.” “loving lips on my mouth feel like currency now.” “thanks to you i fear kind.” “now i can't spend the night.”

LOVED YOU BEFORE.

“i bet we were a couple bugs just slithering in the mud.” “happily in love doing bug stuff.” “i think i met you in a store in 1944.” “i probably wrote you letters while you went off to the war.” “nd we could've been two birds, now wouldn't that be so absurd.” “or maybe just lost lovers that keep getting rediscovered.” “think i loved you before back when we were dinosaurs.” “i wanna stay in love in this life and the next one.” “i think we've already met somewhere, another planet.” “i loved you before.” “i loved you in this life and the next one.” “maybe you left me on a trip, two pirates on a ship.” “counting all the gold as the boat tipped.” “could we have been there drinking wine in medieval times?” “laughing in a castle with our glasses intertwined.” “two complementary colours.” “the winter, the spring and summer.” “forever just lost lovers that keep getting rediscovered.” “if i'm the sun, then you're the moon.” “in this life and the nights too.” “if it's over soon then come back through.” “just to say, say i love you.”

FAVOURITE PERSON.

“i try not to compare a teenage love.” “i know that isn't far or close enough.” “but why can't i just shut up?” “i'm always going on about you when I'm drunk.” “and i see your name in every number plate.” "i tried to erase your face but you're there everyday.” “you're my favourite person.” “i have created a version that hurts less.” “i had to tell myself you're toxic.” “better off cause you're the problem.” “really i just couldn't take it being hated by my favourite person.” “my favourite person.” “picture vows at a stand in something blue.” “i try to fall but i can't cause they're not you.” “i hate that i'll never stop.” “we're not still home growing up.” “and i hear your tropes in all my stupid jokes.” “i'm starting to lose all hope of ever letting go.” “and if the world was ending i know i'd be spending my last day pretending we were fine.” “when we both grow old with families of our own.” “well we always go back in my mind.” “i tried to erase your face but you're there anyway.”

DEAR INNER CHILD.

“someone kissed my closing eyelids and i made it mean more that it did. “someone put a plate down a little too loud. “now I still flinch whenever i hear the sound. “i learned my mama was just trying her best. “and not that i owe her forgiveness but i'm sorry to that girl in a dress. “if you wanna wear pink, i'll wear it for you. “if you wanna dance, then i'll strap up my shoes. “if you wanna sing, then consider it sung. “i'm sorry that you had to grow up this young. “forget that love is earned 'cause it's always deserved. “i know you had to work just to show them your worth. “remember that a plate is nothing but a plate. “even if it breaks we can throw it away. “i learned that i was only trying my best. “i think i owe her a deep breath. “she was the strongest little girl in a dress. “i'll wear it for you. “i'll strap up my shoes. “you were the strongest little fighter that carried me here. “i know that you're tired from surviving in fear. “so lay down, close your eyes. “cause now i got us for the rest of our life. “if i wanna wear pink i'll wear it for me. “if i wanna dance then i'll lift up on my feet. “i just wanna sing at the top of my lungs. “thanks for being there growing up so young.

[eightfifteen]

so, i've been thinking a lot on why the party (the core 4) are the most important characters on the show (silly wishful thinking? maybe). So i just realized that the boys, all of them would be talked about because of their love interests. You see, Lucas gets in trouble with Billy because the last was a freaking r***st. We know, in some places interracial couples are frown up to this day. Dustin meet a girl he is interested in and we've seen Suzie's father isn't happy with the fact he an atheist (or agnostic). We already know people in hawkins used to comment on Will being gay, and even Lonnie was really harsh on him, also, Ted is pretty homophobic himself and warns Mike "see what happens, Mike?" Implying whatever happened to Will was because he is gay, which i'm starting to believe could be the case. Wait for it.

So, we have four kids growing up in a pretty conservative town who all happen to find themselves in or could be in relationships that people in town wouldn't approve of? Weird right?

Also, let's focus on who are the love interests: Suzie, a girl who Dustin met at summer camp, with whom he has a long distance relationship, she is not part of their group per se, but she manages to get involved in the supernatural plot at some point even been so far away from it all. We also have Max, a girl who is new in town and two of the boys find themselves liking, which makes her a part of their group (whether some of them like it or not).

So we have a girl for summer camp, a new friend who at first only Dustin knows (later she'll meet Mike and Will), we have a new person brought into the group, Max...the outsider who became part of (if not completely) the group. So what kind of relationship are we missing? Maybe one that started as friendship and it developed to something more with time? Like childhood friends to lovers?

It's funny because the new girl coming to be part of the group could also be Eleven, but out of 4 seasons, in 2 of them her plot is alone, while Max has been relevant to the kids' plot since she became part of the group.

You could argue Will is missing in the first season and then in season 4 him and Mike are set apart of the main group but oh wait, in season 1 Mike would do anything to get Will back, and even if he isn't physically there that much, we is still so relevant to the plot. So what if in season 4 somehow the interactions between Mike and Will become more obvious to the watcher because they aren't in that unaccepting small town? Did El pick up on Will liking someone while in California but not when he was just right next to Mike while living in Hawkins? That's interesting.

And last but not least, why do i think Will being gay might be relevant to him disappearing in season 1.

As i said before, we have 4 friends falling for someone their town or society itself wouldn't approve of. Yet, they all fell for that someone while the supernatural plot was not relevant yet. You could argue about Will and Mike, but the main reason at least i started shipping Byler was because how hyperfocused was Mike to get him back in season 1, which would imply some feelings were thrre even before that. If Eleven were to be the real main love interest for Mike, she would be the only one actually coming from the supernatural plot herself, differently than Will who got involved in it. You can see Mike has always called El superhero, Yoda and such, while he tells Will he is NOW a spy, which implies he has seen him as just Will before, while El was a supernatural being the whole time.

So, what could this all mean?

We've seen four boys falling in love, getting dragged into a supernatural/action movie like plot that seems to pull them more and more into it as they keep growing up and developing their personalities and their feelings. Sure, it could be nothing, but also, could it be that when the world is falling apart why would you care about who other people love? Is it that important when everyone's lives are at risk?

Cue to when Joyce went to Hopper saying Will was missing, she comments on what Lonnie used to say about him and Hopper askjng if Will really is gay to what Joyce responds as if that it's not the important point here, but the fact that he is missing.

A complete reach out? Maybe, but i've seen them do crazy stuff before, so.. who knows, right?

I'm the anon about the core 4 relationships again, i forgot to mention the fact that oh, sp the upside down starts crushing Hawkins onlh after Will, Mike and El are back in Hawkins but Will and Mike dynamic goes back to how it was in season 2? Also, Will, Max and Suzie got involved again into the supernatural plot? As Max is at the hospital, Will can feel Vecna and Suzie is the one who led the Cali gang to Eleven so she could try and fight Vecna? My personal prediction is Mike will finally be really involved with the upside down next season.

i'm going to make a post about the core four because i've been thinking about it a lot pls hold

[wuahae]

currently eating an orange and just woke up from a toe-curling nap ready to review the Best Fic Ever... im strapped in and ready to go!!!!

When a strawberry is ripe, the seeds push out from the heart of the fruit, as if it's bursting from the inside out.

first off what a fucking Start to this fic... if there's one thing you know its how to have a banger opening like its SOOOO... it sets the mood so well but also i just think its so </3 that you chose a Fruit Heavy metaphor fic when you know what fruit metaphors mean to me... (and Also maybe you did this unintentionally or maybe this was the whole Point of you doing it in the first place but . i remember one of our earliest convos in our lilycat lore was talking about fruit metaphors!!! oranges and pomegranates and the like.... either way .) man. the way the ripeness of the fruit softens it to the touch . that's why its so beautiful, maybe that's why it's so scary . huuuuu.

but in general all the descriptions of strawberries in this fic go crazy btw like. "bright red murder between his fingers" / "scarlet belly of a newly picked strawberry" / "his woven basket bleedds over with little berries" like i am SEEING your motif . your themes . its so visceral and violent but that is what love is to YOOUUUU that is what it feels like to ripen yourself and splay your belly open to someone . letting them dig into your most vulnerable self . Ok.

You start to wonder if he bought the watermelon just to show you a party trick—not that you mind, though. The strain of his biceps peeks through his rolled up white tee, and you remember why he was able to stop you with just one look back when you first met.

MEOWWWWW

"Maybe. Haven't decided yet," he says. "I think I want to be here, though. Maybe do something with food, but I want to be home." "That's funny, because I think I’ve always wanted to live a different life. Or at least one somewhere else."

SMALL TOWN BOY WHO'S GONE OUTSIDE BUT JUST WANTS TO BE HOME . GIRL WITH BIG DREAMS BUT NOWHERE TO PUT THEM . the comparison makes me sick actually. the way he goes "you know what you want. i admire that." implying that despite seeing more than you in his life he still hasn't really pushed his fleeting desires to anything more . how you take your yearning not as a blessing but a curse .

But you can't blame any of them—wanting has always been a hereditary failing [...] But you don't know how to tell her that the only thing you can do sometimes is want, because otherwise you wouldn't really have much at all.

WET PAPER DOLL SIMULATOR.

It's then, under the veil of summer, where you meet Mingyu's gaze and, finally, things seem close to simple. All you know are his eyes, heavy with sun, and then the slow, slow move of his lips against yours. He tastes like August, long and sweet, and for once you know what it's like to not only want, but to have, and to have again. The ocean sings on the horizon, and the watermelon bellies weep.

i ripped off my shirt and started howling at the moon.... FRUIT VIOLENCE IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

Mingyu eats taiyaki headfirst because he says it hurts less.

HE IS JUST LIKE MEEEEE.....

"Taiyaki isn't alive. And why would you want to pretend it is? Eating gummy bears would become an extinction event." / "Why does the Haribo bear have a face? Why do the gummy bears live in a gummy forest?"

he is sooooo lame i just need to eat him up Right now.... they're so silly to me.... a crime of gummy passion.

He's sweet, too sweet, and his kisses stick to the back of your throat.

But you can't be fooled. There's an unsaid violence to the way Mingyu loves. (The meticulous spiral of the peel he carves when you ask for him to cut you an apple. The grind, decisive and cruel, of a knife against a cutting board. A pair of canines against your neck, your jaw.)

i gasped and started dryheaving btw... eyes glazed over at the mention of his canines but what's Important is how you describe his love... like Yes its set in this silly silly scene talking about gummy bear families and taiyaki livelihoods BUT thats the whole point... the way you interpret mingyu's love as something carved out (like the bloody strawberries like the cracked and split watermelons) and cloyingly sweet but to HIM he is just an endless pool ready to give..... wah. also i like how in the Last scene you enter into this relationship because of how it comes to you at that time (it's august, and its long and sweet, and he gives you a taste of what it's like to not just want, but also have...) but the more you have it the stickier it gets . the more unsure it becomes . what good is the now if it doesn't last until the future . gah. also the fact that the future is this shaky scary uncertainty to you but to mingyu he doesn't really care... lets everything slide off him like a fine mist. im shaking my fists.

"Kinda?" The word gathers speed in the pachinko machine of your mind. You never liked being a kinda person. For Mingyu, it seems like a luxury of a word, but for you, it's really just another thing to hide behind. Kinda talented, kinda ambitious, kinda just there. You're always one foot in, one foot out of something better.

idk if you were meaning to make this connection maybe im just yapping but this also kinda connects to like. his obsession with splitsies. liiiikeee in the same way that you see it as this sort of childhood relic that no one Actually uses anymore because it never means anything the same can be applied to his idea of Kinda...like. Kinda there, kinda not, half committment, half wishful thinking ... it never means much of anything to you either . But i am just yapping...

You would be lying if you said you didn't—it's what you always wanted. Seogwipo has been a sun-rot, too-small crutch for you, but you would also be lying if you said you weren't terrified that you'd eventually come back, limping like some doomed Icarus, unable to truly make it in the real world.

UWWWAAGGGHHH.......... i have nothing to say that doesnt pertain to my own personal failings....... kinda there kinda not .

Mingyu's complete and unfounded belief in you makes you feel something close to betrayal. / Either that, or he already cares for you too much, too painfully.

open mouth smiling emoji ..... what if i killed myself.............. he hurts me so bad. ACTUALLY this whole section has me in shambles bc what the actual fuck,,,, each paragraph shot me in the chest... THE FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT?! EXPECTATION HAS ALWAYS STOOD TALLER THAN SHAME......oh my god....... the way she hides and tucks everything away from mingyu bc Again. she doesnt want to disappoint him... gah. THERE'S A SCARED LITTLE GIRL INSIDE YOU,,, A SPADE IS A SPADE YOU CAN ONLY PRETEND SO LONG?!?!

iv. winter pears (rotten, outside your parents' house)

designated christmas scene. kills myself. its just soooo tender and you can feel the love from mingyu's household... how it shaped him to be the person he is today . uwa. the way december holds so much warmth that differs from august that you try to forget about the stickiness and your worries and all the violence... its supposed to be Easy... like the poached pears like butter . wah. LOVE POURED FROM A FULL CUP NEVER SEEMS TO RUN OUT!!!! but also now its toooooo real.....

"Please let me carry some of those," Mingyu wheedles. "Oh my god. I'm like the worst boyfriend in the world."

I WONT YOU

So here you are, standing in your nicest dress and balancing a stack of gifts you hope will amount to something, never enough but something, to repay the people who you feel have loved you more than you deserve. [...] They're just those kinds of people—they would be just as happy if you didn't bring anything at all, and somehow that makes you feel even more guilty.

floats away into dust..... the way you still don't think you deserve it . the way its toooooo easy.... you can't let it be easy. it makes you guilty. it makes you feel like you need some sort of payment to be this happy and this in love and to recieve this much love. WAH. if its too easy to receive then it'll be too easy to leave.... also career talk over dinner makes me nauseous /gen ... please the pears don't deserve this . I'm going to be sick . ooouwwaahhgghjfds and the assurance and trust his parents (and him, of course) have in you that you'll succeed but YOU are still stuck in sun-rot and the feeling of icarus's melted wax burning on your back. OK. the trust that rots to disappointment that molds to shame. OK........

There are words at the seam of your lips. You want to tell him you're sorry for worrying so much. For making the whole dinner about you and then very possibly having nothing to show for it when it matters. For the heaviness in your chest. Your cowardice. But none of it comes out.

and once again you can't get it out........ she's just like me . sorry its me IM the problem!!!!!

But that's the problem, you want to say. You all do, and I have no idea why. Some of the pears are beginning to rot now. You watch one drop off the vine, and it caves to the pavement like it was made of nothing at all.

HUUUUUUUUUUUU......... PAPER DOLL SIMULATOR

That isn't to say that it's Mingyu's fault. In fact, it's never really Mingyu's fault, and that's the worst thing about your relationship. Sometimes you wish he was worse just so there was someone else to blame.

he cares tooooooooo much........please stop caring. he just wants to help but he CANT...... im the problem........

Mingyu smiles at you, hazy through the glass. Your cheeks hurt and your mouth is paper mache, but you smile back anyway.

PLEAAASEEEE JUST TALLKKKKKKK (<- pot meet kettle)

No, but— It was always like that with you. No, but it's not as bad as you think. No, but give me a chance. No, but I’m trying. I've been trying.

this makes me sick actually MSDFJLSKDF LIKE ACTUALLY NAUSEOUS......... i had to lean against the wall and dry heave....... you're trying so hard . you're trying to be strong you're trying not to be a disappointment but somewhere in that process you've started to hurt the people you love anyway . wah. also MINGYU who wants to play fix-it felix always bc he believes that if he loves hard enough then it'll all be okay. like love is all you need to heal and be happy. MINGYU YOU FOOL........ but also its like. like you said in the fight scene he wants to believe that his worth is in his love. if his love can't fix you if you won't Tell him anything that what good is he.... mingyu please.

the way they keep missing each other and miscommunicating hurts sooooo bad bc yn wants to keep the worst parts of herself hidden cause she already doesn't know Why mingyu and co love her so damn bad when all she can see is almosts and kindas and things that Never amount to much in the end . what good is want if it never evolves into deserve,,, what good is trying if a We regret to inform you still lies at the end of that road. and mingyu doesn't see it like that because of Course he doesn't and as harsh as yn says it its like. Yeah it isn't about him... this isn't something him and his strawberry jam and honey tea can fix .....

"Mingyu, I think we should...." You looked at the zigzags of jam on your toast, angry and uneven. "I think we should stop seeing each other. For now," you had added, as if that made anything better at all.

FOOD IMAGERY AS SYMBOLISM!!!!! and also interesting that she says For Now,,, an uncertainty . a Kinda, and therefore, something that doesn't mean much of anything in the end ........... i have to lie down .

You think you knew, someplace, inevitably, this would happen. You, who only knew hunger, had reached deep inside Mingyu and rooted out a love you didn't think you were worthy of having. And yet you still ate from the vine, bite after guilty bite, until you couldn't take any more. The only time he asked you for anything at all, you couldn't give it to him—such was the irony of your relationship. Maybe you were doomed the moment the first strawberry hit your tongue, just like you had said, all that time ago.

i don't have much to add this just fucks immensely . hug emoji

You held the package to your chest and cried, loud and with abandon, as if taking a deep breath after almost drowning. Ironically, the first person you wanted to tell was Mingyu. But the good news you needed to save your relationship came too little, too late. Perhaps that meant it had no legs to stand on in the first place, but that didn't stop you from missing it.

HOWLING TO THE FULL MOON. also

(Fickle, fickle heart. You always needed things to be taken away to really be able to appreciate them. Somehow, all that wanting had boiled down to something more satisfying, more filling.)

yeah.... Yeah. bc her entire problem in the beginning was that she wanted too much with no place to put her dreams . but now that she Got what she wanted (law school) without the home that fostered all of it..... huuuuu.....

"Don’t apologize," he says, easily, as he always does. Everything seems to flow off him like water, and you think that's the part of him you loved the most because it was the one thing you couldn't touch. "We loved each other. I think that much was true."

the way they're finally COMMUNICATINGGGGGG.........UUWAAAGGHHHHH............ also its like. he is everything good he is everything you love.... despite what you think about how your selfishness hurts the ones you love they never think the same. man.

The sea, the clay dirt, Mingyu. Even yourself, clumsy and care-worn. You think, somewhere along the line, you forgot how to love. But you're learning—one step at a time.

Starts to bawl.......

Maybe one day, you'll think of closing it once more, but you like where you stand now. You can admire him better from a distance, without your fingerprints all over him. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, something he does before he gets ready to leave. But before he does—"I'll see you soon, okay? You better come back. Promise me."

THIS IS SOOOOOO....................... like i said before about how he's everything good he is everything you love. you've learned Better now,,, you don't want to hurt him again,,, he is a ripe fruit always ready to be taken but you see that as digging your nails into him again,,,, seeds bursting from the inside out.... BUT to him its like. he doesn't care...... he still loves you.............. he still wants you to come back................ and for the first time you throw away your self-loathing and your traitorous thoughts and you BELIEVE HIM! you finally Accept his love without being afraid of any strings attached. ohhh my god.

You watch the wind dance through the peach blossoms, their branches never searching, never wanting, and you finally feel as if you've arrived home.

STARTS TO BAWL.............. ugh where do i even start its like. CHARACTER GROWTH! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! for both yn And mingyu but its like. yn finally being content with where she is and where she's headed . the sun-rot is just warmth, the fruit that bears in seogwipo sweet and not sickly . you're not afraid anymore..... starts to cry .

this was just such Good Fic i can never thank you enough for writing this for me ,,, like it was SO worth the wait i think i will think about this fic for as long as i love /srs,,,, your prose is insane as always but what matters More to me is the thought and care put into it :( i know you talked endlessly about not wanting to give me a sad ending because it was a Birthday Fic gifted for me and as much as i am a Fiend for angst and sad endings i loved the path you chose for this ending so much . like it felt so fitting and really encapsulated the coming-of-age Growth theme that i . quite honestly really needed SFDDLSFK i just yap in these reviews to be honest but i Hope you can tell how much i truly loved it and how much it means to me that you did this </3 thank YOU for being so kind, funny, and thoughtful and overall just such an amazing writer but an even more Outstanding Friend . this fic has 1000 reblogs to ME!!!

TO GROW LOVE (AND EAT IT TO THE CORE)

pairing: mingyu x gn!reader wc: 8.1k summary: your whole life, you've only wanted one thing. then you meet mingyu. suddenly you want too much, and you wish the summer never ended. notes: farmer!au, established relationship, angst/hurt/a little comfort

this is a birthday fic for my one and only cat @wuahae ! yes this is about half a year late but what can i say. all good things come with time. thank you for being so kind, funny, and thoughtful (and patient)! not a day goes by where i’m not thankful for our friendship :)

and a million thanks to hana @wqnwoos and jackie @97-liners for helping me with edits. literally you guys are insane writers and i will never stop looking up to you.

i. strawberries (the summer we were young)

When a strawberry is ripe, the seeds push out from the heart of the fruit, as if it's bursting from the inside out.

This is one of the few and only things you've learned by living in Seogwipo, where strawberry season comes like a supernova. The May sun, full and heavy, peels into summer, and the roadside farms open their doors, trying to catch stray vacationers from Jeju City on the other side of the island.

That being said, there are approximately two things to do here. One of them is farm. The other is pretend like you have a life, which is your childhood friend Yizhuo's favorite thing to do when she's back from university on summer break.

Today, this involved convincing her ritzy, too-good Seoul friends that they're missing out on this side of Jeju. (Missing out on what? You're not sure. Perhaps the chipped paint of the mural walls, or the endless flat-topped stretches of seagrass. Yizhuo isn't fooling anyone, but you've always liked stretching your legs out in the bed of her pick-up, even on the long drive to nowhere.)

Unsurprisingly, her friends quickly came to the same conclusion. Just one look at your local strawberry patch, with none of the glamour of the bloated tourist traps in the city, and they decided they'd rather spend the afternoon at the beach.

It was then, between the fragaria blooms, when you met Mingyu. He asked for your name, and the rest was history. Yizhuo and co. scattered like the grasping hands of an overripe dandelion and you learned that he was, one, the newly-graduated son of a pair of local farmers, and two, very, very attractive. Almost too much so, especially for a place like this.

Now he holds up a berry, a bright red murder between his fingers, and tells you to try it.

"You must be delusional if you think i'm taking food from a stranger," you laugh, perched on the fence bordering the field. It sprawls before you, melon stripes on the sunbaked ground.

"No, my name is Mingyu," he replies. "No idea who delusional is." His smile, all bright lip and snaggletooth, tears into the scarlet belly of a newly picked strawberry.

"We all know what happened to Persephone."

"Well, if the underworld was a strawberry patch, I wouldn't mind being stuck there for all of eternity."

"What're you picking all these for, anyway?" you ask, watching Mingyu struggle with his too-big straw hat between the vines. His woven basket bleeds over with little berries.

"Jam. I make it on the very first day of every summer."

"Why?"

"You ask a lot of questions for someone who trespassed on my farm. You're cute, but I won't let you off easy."

He laughs at how you balk, clearly red-handed. You're not sure how to tell him you don't think you were supposed to be here either. You don't do things like sit in the back of trucks, trespass, or talk to pretty farmer boys who take a fancy to you, but it's the summer before you graduate and you're not even sure how long you'll have to continue making bad decisions.

"Are you gonna take my first-born now?" you joke instead. The daylight runs down the rim of Mingyu's hat, trickles down his brow, and you wish you could pour the image of him into a jar and keep it forever.

"No, but I will invite you in for some fresh jam on toast. I baked a loaf this morning." and when you say nothing, he continues. "The strawberries are only good once a year. It's the best you'll ever have. Promise."

It's a whine and a half, and somehow you convince yourself this will be the last bad decision you'll make. You've been here long enough to know that good things don't come twice in Seogwipo, and he is unlikely to be an exception.

Yizhuo blows up your phone, you tie the gingham apron around Mingyu's tiny waist, and the basket turns to blood in the saucepan.

Mingyu is right. Love comes to you in that kitchen, high and red like the sun, and the jam never tastes as good as it does that summer.

ii. watermelon (hollowed out, like a magic trick)

"A good watermelon sounds like a heartbeat."

You watch Mingyu heave the fruit, small and striped, out of his grocery bag. It joins the array of egg sandwiches and banana milks you picked up from the store together earlier. (There should have been chocolate Pepero too, but you split the box on the walk).

You're on a picnic, sprawled out on the outcropping overlooking the water. The path up is basically right behind your house, but you had never cared to visit. It had always been the local makeout spot, a schlocky teen crawl for those with nothing better to do, and yet, with Mingyu stretched out beside you, it seems newer. More exciting.

You're still just friends, or at least that's what you told Yizhuo. But ever since you sat on Mingyu's kitchen counter and ate from his jam-covered spatula, you don't think you've gone a week without seeing him. It's been almost two months, which seems so long and yet not long enough—he makes it easy to be greedy.

"See?" He thumps the watermelon with the heel of his palm. "Try it."

You already went through this entire charade at the grocery store, right in front of all the local aunties, but you indulge him. There's little point to triple checking if it's still ripe, but you think he just likes hitting it.

"It sounds good," you say. "But how are we even gonna eat it? We don't have a knife."

"Watch this." Mingyu procures a coin from his pocket. "You didn't learn this in elementary school? I feel like everyone was doing it."

"Here?" you ask, incredulous.

"Yeah, here. I grew up here too, you know."

He holds the edge of the coin to the skin and slams his palm into it once more, so that it lodges itself into the rind, and begins dragging it around the fruit. You start to wonder if he bought the watermelon just to show you a party trick—not that you mind, though. The strain of his biceps peeks through his rolled up white tee, and you remember why he was able to stop you with just one look back when you first met.

"No way." The watermelon is so ripe, it bleeds around the incision. "I feel like I know everyone here. And I definitely would have remembered you."

"I was probably, like, two grades above you," he replies. "And my parents shipped me off to live with my cousins after elementary school. They said I should get out of Seogwipo and experience the real world."

"Good call. There's nothing here." You watch Mingyu spin the melon over to cut through the other side. The coin catches the sunlight, and it looks like gold. "I wish I left for university. The one here is so small."

"Really?" He pauses to show you his handiwork. The two melon halves roll over on their backs, their cut edge cruel and jagged. "Cool, huh?"

"Impressive," you say. "Honestly. I really didn't think that would work."

"I didn't either when I first saw someone do it. But I’ll try anything once," he replies, ripping open the packaging of the plastic spoon from the bag. "I can't believe you don't like it here."

"You do?"

"Yeah. A lot." He shoves the spoon in his mouth, and you watch the watermelon juice pool around his lips. "I missed home. The trees and the tall grass and the ocean. All the fruits. Everything. I learned to ride a bike, right down there by the water."

"Hm." He passes you the spoon. You don't want to hog it, so you carve out a piece bigger than you need. "Are you gonna work at the farm?"

"Maybe. Haven't decided yet," he says. "I think I want to be here, though. Maybe do something with food, but I want to be home."

"That's funny, because I think I’ve always wanted to live a different life. Or at least one somewhere else."

"You want to go to law school, right?"

"Yeah." Mingyu is right. The watermelon is all sugar, and you would almost feel guilty for eating it if it wasn't technically good for you. "I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer. It's something about the people watching, I think."

"That’s really cool," Mingyu says, mouth full but no less sincere. It's then that you notice your shoulders are almost touching, and your heart crawls back up to your mouth. "You know what you want. I admire that."

He makes it sound like a compliment, but you're sure it's a curse.

You think of your parents. There's a permanent wrinkle ironed into their foreheads, the paper crease of expectations and high standards. It's not that they didn't care, but their kind of care was a humbled sort, made heavy by a hard life. It didn't help that your big sister Seohyun went straight from Yonsei to work a big tech job in San Francisco and never once looked back.

But you can't blame any of them—wanting has always been a hereditary failing. Sometimes Yizhuo will catch you frowning at nothing, and then you remember that life isn't a performance and every day ends at the same time no matter how hard you work. But you don't know how to tell her that the only thing you can do sometimes is want, because otherwise you wouldn't really have much at all.

It seems like the exact opposite of how Mingyu lives—everything about him seems to pass like the seasons. Maybe that's why you can't seem to get enough of each other.

"Thank you. Really." You dig the spoon into your half of the melon. There isn't much left. "You're way too nice to me."

"It’s not hard to be," he laughs. "Maybe you're just too hard on yourself."

You're losing track of the distance between the two of you. You can almost feel the heat playing off his skin.

"Maybe."

It's then, under the veil of summer, where you meet Mingyu's gaze and, finally, things seem close to simple.

All you know are his eyes, heavy with sun, and then the slow, slow move of his lips against yours. He tastes like August, long and sweet, and for once you know what it's like to not only want, but to have, and to have again.

The ocean sings on the horizon, and the watermelon bellies weep.

iii. adzuki beans (or, the blood of a headless taiyaki)

Mingyu eats taiyaki headfirst because he says it hurts less.

"That makes no sense," you tell him, your pinkies linked. You never really liked holding hands, but yours fits so perfectly in Mingyu's and there's some girlish, childlike shine to it when you watch his finger search for yours after just a moment separated.

"What do you mean."

He breaks your gaze to eye a red bean taiyaki, like an unwilling predator sizing up their prey. It's the lamest, most embarrassing iteration of National Geographic you've ever seen, and yet you cannot find any fiber within yourself not deeply in love with the lion.

Fall is a forgiving place for your relationship to settle. You're now a senior at university and he's started his gap year. Gap implies he's in the middle of something, but in true Mingyu fashion, he leaves it up to fate, or chance, or something not nearly as kind (whim).

"Taiyaki isn't alive. And why would you want to pretend it is? Eating gummy bears would become an extinction event."

"It kind of is." He holds out the tail end of the taiyaki, the pastry almost explicitly flayed open, in front of you to eat. "Why does the Haribo bear have a face? Why do the gummy bears live in a gummy forest?"

"Great, so now I can’t even enjoy gummy bears without feeling like a serial killer?"

You dig your pointer into his shoulders, broad from all the time he spends on the farm. To think that his hands, big and weathered, were made to pick berries (and now wrap around your pinky finger) is bruising, if not ridiculously funny.

"It's a crime of passion. Gummy passion. Prosecute that."

He kisses your cheek and your heart almost squeezes into two.

The terrible thing about being with Mingyu is how seemingly endless his affection is. Now he's feeding you in public and buying the two of you matching socks (cat and dog, to be exact), although you'll admit it's a little charming, even if the neighbors do gossip.

He's sweet, too sweet, and his kisses stick to the back of your throat.

But you can't be fooled. There's an unsaid violence to the way Mingyu loves. (The meticulous spiral of the peel he carves when you ask for him to cut you an apple. The grind, decisive and cruel, of a knife against a cutting board. A pair of canines against your neck, your jaw.)

Even now, he bites the head off another unwitting taiyaki before stuffing it back in the bag.

"We're still splitsing, right?" he says, with perhaps 1% of his mouth available for speaking and the other 99% murder machine.

Splits, he always says before you share food. You never had the heart to tell him that it's in the same family as mines or sharesies or takebacks—silly childhood relics, ones that no one uses anymore because they don't mean anything.

This time, you don't hear him because you're thinking about the law school fair you went to before Mingyu picked you up. The future is so close, it scares you. A year from now, what ground would you be standing on? Would it smell like this—the peat, the thread-spool fields, the balm of the ocean? Would you still have Mingyu's finger wrapped round yours?

"Have you decided if you're staying at the farm?" you ask.

"Not really." He uses the back of his hand to wipe off his chin. "If my sister decides to take over, I’m actually kinda thinking of going to pastry school instead of getting a masters."

Mingyu had been toying with the idea for some time after you had talked about it on the outlook. It started off as a joke (September; a galette), then a what if (October; green tea mochi), and now it sits at a kinda.

"Kinda?"

The word gathers speed in the pachinko machine of your mind. You never liked being a kinda person. For Mingyu, it seems like a luxury of a word, but for you, it's really just another thing to hide behind. Kinda talented, kinda ambitious, kinda just there. You're always one foot in, one foot out of something better.

"Yeah, kinda. Why?"

"I dunno. What if we both end up leaving?"

"Maybe. You still want to, right?"

You would be lying if you said you didn't—it's what you always wanted. Seogwipo has been a sun-rot, too-small crutch for you, but you would also be lying if you said you weren't terrified that you'd eventually come back, limping like some doomed Icarus, unable to truly make it in the real world.

Then you think of the pockmarked farmland beside your home, lacy with the fall harvest. Even now, you can trace the endless blue of the coastline all the way there, cut through all the maybes and just let the sound of the ocean fold you into sleep like you were a child again. You wonder if Seohyun, all the way on the other side of the world, ever misses it.

"I’m not sure," you say, because, as much as you don't like it, it's the only answer you have.

"It's ok. You'll figure it out. You always do." He squeezes your cheeks together between his thumb and index, laughing at how they pillow out underneath his fingers. "Screw pastry school. I could come with you. Who else would keep you fed?"

Mingyu's complete and unfounded belief in you makes you feel something close to betrayal. How could he say any of that? With what proof? Only someone like Mingyu would be able to hold the wrinkled fruit of your unremarkable life between his palms and see something better than that. Maybe it's because he grew up on a farm. Either that, or he already cares for you too much, too painfully.

Secrets are easy to keep when they look like yours. At least here, in the pit of your stomach, you can keep count, take attendance of them, all your tittering, small anxieties. Some days it feels like your ribs are pressing out, but it's better than cutting everything loose to spill out over what little you do have control over.

You can handle a little pressure. You have to.

What concerns you is the hand Mingyu's got across your chest. With one look, he just might gut you. A twist of the heart-knife, and all those carefully wound insides carved out in an instant—maybe he'd pity you, but worse than that, he'd likely be disappointed.

For you, expectation has always stood taller than shame, and the idea that he sees something past you makes you want to run away.

"I could be a house husband," he says as easily as ever. "You'll be off saving the world, arguing with whoever, and I'll be there to run you a bath afterwards."

"Let's not get too ahead of ourselves," you reply, binding up the strange, hollow feeling in your stomach with a laugh.

There's a scared little girl hiding inside you, and whether Mingyu sees her or not hurts the same. A spade is a spade. You can only pretend so long.

You look at the taiyaki floating in their wax paper bag, blinded and wrought open by the same grin that now peels you down, and you're not hungry anymore.

iv. winter pears (rotten, outside your parents' house)

Mingyu's family loves Christmas.

You think it's because of the pear trees they have in the front yard. They stand bravely before the house, all emerald ash and wisdom in the December freeze. Run your palms over the knobs and it's like you can see into a sleepy visage of simpler days past. (Below its heart, carved: 1982, the year the farm was bought. Along the tangle of the roots: gyu waz here, in an unsure, childish scrawl.)  

Winter comes to the countryside crawling on its hands and knees. On days it doesn't snow, there's a mist, boggy and clingy. You've come to realize the cold is more of a threat than a promise, and so the pear trees still bear fruit; the silvery branches hang heavy, faithful.

The first day of December, Mingyu's parents had tasked the two of you with decorating the farmhouse, a duty you took very seriously. You wrapped Mingyu up in string lights and watched him blink in and out like your own personal firefly.

It wasn't until you watched the rafters, the barn doors, the joyous vault of the ceiling all glow, like a spectacular firework, that you finally started to understand why Mingyu was so into the holidays.

It was in the yellow blush of the string lights that you had your first pear from the tree, which Mingyu insisted was a holiday tradition. We make poached pears, he said, mid-bite. You simmer the pear in syrup until it gets so soft, you can cut into it with a fork. Just like butter.

That same night, he kissed you, mouth hot and trembling and tasting of honey, and pressed you against the bark so hard, you could feel the grit of its veins against your skin.

You think December became your favorite month, and pears your favorite fruit.

So much so, that for the entire month, you try to put away your worries about law school applications to celebrate with Mingyu and his family.

You learn his mom makes the best hot chocolate (a cinnamon stick and a dogged devotion to the whisk), and that Mingyu has no clue on God's green earth how to ice skate. (He careens right into your chest the first time. You spend the next hour with him attached to you like a backpack—he manages to find the most impractical ways to do anything, which you somehow admire the most). On Sundays, Yizhuo ditches her Seoul friends and instead accompanies you to the mall two towns over, where she watches you compare different ties and watches and collagen creams as you decide on gifts for his family. (Lilac is so last year, she'd say, stirring the straw of a watered-down milk tea.)

It's not until the weekend before Christmas when you realize just how serious things have gotten. Your feet understand the meander of the dirt path to the farmhouse, your bones the scent of the yellow-skinned apple, the faded wildflowers. Your palms crave the plush of the rug they have in front of the fireplace. Hell, you can't even eat soondubu without thinking of the kind Mingyu's dad makes, with extra anchovies and green onion.

You don't think about what this means. There are ten days left in December and love poured from a full cup never seems to run out.

"Please let me carry some of those," Mingyu wheedles. "Oh my god. I'm like the worst boyfriend in the world."

"No, you are not." you make your way up to his doorstep, taking care to one-two step over the stray roots of one of the pear trees. It's second nature to you by now. "The moment I hand you a box, you are gonna start trying to figure out what it is."

He harumphs and plucks the big one off the top anyway, the one he knows you can't reach. "I didn't even know you were getting us gifts. You didn't have to."

"It's the least I could do. Who shows up to a holiday dinner emptyhanded?" You stop at the front door. "And stop shaking it," you laugh, using the tip of your boot to nudge his shin.

"Okay. Okay," he says, saccharine, adoring, before grabbing the doorknob. "Ready? Are you nervous? You shouldn't be nervous, right? It's not fancy or anything, if you were worried about that."

And that's the thing that wedges itself between your ribs. Mingyu and his whole family are like this. They love and worry and love again; it presses deep into you, fills you, and overflows.

So here you are, standing in your nicest dress and balancing a stack of gifts you hope will amount to something, never enough but something, to repay the people who you feel have loved you more than you deserve. It's all you really have. You do your best, and yet you know when that door opens, it'll all be washed away in a high-tide flurry of hugs and laughter and the familiar press of Bobpul's wet nose against your leg. They're just those kinds of people—they would be just as happy if you didn't bring anything at all, and somehow that makes you feel even more guilty.

"No, no," you wave him off. "I’m fine. Excited."

When Mingyu opens the door, everything goes just as you expected. His sister takes your coat, your gifts are whisked away to the tree (Aji has already figured out which one is his), and his parents descend upon you in a choking swell of warmth and charity.

We baked some fresh bread for your parents (—Thank you so much, but you really shouldn't have.). You look so beautiful in that color (—No, no, you flatter me too much.). Mingyu better be taking good care of you (—He is. He really, really is.).

The kitchen is gauzy with cinnamon, anise. They must be making their famous poached pears, which Mingyu remarks on, just like clockwork.

Dinner passes the same way. It bubbles over with affection, and you feel swallowed by an impossible yearning. This—a full table and a hand to hold underneath it—did you deserve this? And could you keep it?

For an instant, you picture yourself, years later, at this same seat. Mingyu would be fussing over the rice cakes, his apron still gingham because it reminds him of the day you two met. His parents, grayer but no less happy, bickering over the shade of tinsel on the tree. And the dogs, coiled at your feet like they are now. The vision laps at your bones like you're a raft in a storm.

You're pulled back into the moment when Mingyu squeezes your hand, grounding and insistent. "Mom asked how school was going. I told her I think you're basically the smartest person I know, and I’m pretty sure you're getting into whatever law school you want."

Mingyu's parents laugh, and they cut through their pears.

"Oh, sorry," you say. "Um."

Clink. Knife meets flesh, meets porcelain. Your cheeks are hot. You wanted to talk about anything other than yourself tonight. Clink.

"The top programs are a reach, but it'd be nice." clink. "I just want to get in somewhere."

"They’re all so far away," Mingyu's mom remarks. "So grown up. Any school will be lucky to have you. You'll get into all of them."

Clink.

"Or maybe you can stay here." You watch the prongs of Mingyu's father's fork disappear into the pear. "Keep us old folk company."

"No, no, I think Mingyu should take notes and get off his lazy ass," his sister says, teasing. "Going back to the city will be good for him."

"So you can, what, burn down the kitchen again?" Mingyu grumbles, and the whole table seems to boil over with laughter.

"We’re kidding," his mom tells you. "No matter where you go, I’m sure you'll do great. We can even throw you a party at the end of the year. For graduating."

Clink. Clink.

There's a horrible uneasiness writhing around in your stomach. It's pear and syrup and clove and a blackness, an anxious, selfish one that sucks up all the generosity of the evening and turns it into shame.

Mingyu's mom is talking about throwing you a graduation party, something you didn't even think to do for yourself, and here you are, thinking about the shaking moment you open your rejection letters and the lonely path you'll draw on your way back home.

It's ok. They missed out, Mingyu would say, pouring you a consolation drink, and then it would be over. You'd go home and sit on your bed and the trifold piece of paper would go round and round your head like it was in a washing machine.

Your heart, an inventory of tasks and goals and tally marks. Things you've taken and things you've owed. It's a soft, boneless excuse. Be grateful. Give them that, at least.

Clink.

Dessert ends before you can tell his family not to get their hopes up. Mingyu's mom sends you off with your loaf of bread and a kiss on the cheek, and the moment is gone.

"Gyu," you call out on the steps in front of the house.

There are words at the seam of your lips. You want to tell him you're sorry for worrying so much. For making the whole dinner about you and then very possibly having nothing to show for it when it matters. For the heaviness in your chest. Your cowardice. But none of it comes out.

Instead you watch Mingyu pull at the leaves of a pear tree, watching the frost-filigree they get at the end of the season. He looks over his shoulder and smiles at you, as if he's on the hazy cover of a magazine. His eyes bend so wonderfully at the corners when he looks at you, and it breaks your heart.

"You had fun, right?" he asks. "My parents like you a lot, you know. I think they really do."

But that's the problem, you want to say. You all do, and I have no idea why.

Some of the pears are beginning to rot now. You watch one drop off the vine, and it caves to the pavement like it was made of nothing at all.

v. wild barley (grows like weeds)

In March, you play house.

Your parents leave on a two week trip to see relatives, and Mingyu takes it upon himself to make sure you survive.

It's a kind, blinding charade.

(7 am, breakfast. You usually don't even eat breakfast, but you wake up to doenjang and a smile, one that presses itself to yours until you're wearing it on the long walk to school.)

(4 pm, the stretch between lunch and dinner. You're muddling through another useless club meeting when Mingyu sends you a picture of him in your mom's apron, making kimchi. Kiss the chef, he texts you. You promise to, over and over and over.)

It's good until it isn't.

That isn't to say that it's Mingyu's fault. In fact, it's never really Mingyu's fault, and that's the worst thing about your relationship. Sometimes you wish he was worse just so there was someone else to blame.

(1 am, a fridge-cold glass of water and a hand on the column of your spine. Can't sleep? He asks. Just had a weird dream, you say.

It's a lie. You're a liar.

You miss your parents and the first wave of acceptance letters comes out in two days. You're not like him. Sleep has never been a cure for the exhaustion you're feeling, and you have no way of telling him that however warm the bed is won't fix that.)

It's on a Thursday afternoon when you open your mailbox and see the tiny, thin envelope that you've been expecting for the past week. You don't need to open it to know what it says, and yet you do it anyway.

The sun is white, a ghost in the spring sky. The ocean bleeds into the overcast, the curly barley stands tall around your feet, and you let the worst letter you've gotten in your life fall upon your shoulders, word by terrible word.

Then you close it, pinching the seam shut, and draw up your brave face. Nothing left to do but be brave. You're convinced you've used up all the sadness in your relationship—spend in pennies and the well still runs dry. Mingyu will cup your cheek and call you darling, pouring into your emptying basin, holey and broken.

You see him now through the kitchen window, Venus in his clamshell of a kitchen. Galbijjim day, he had said this morning. Now, he waves at you, glittery with recognition.

Your throat feels like crumpled paper.

Mingyu smiles at you, hazy through the glass. Your cheeks hurt and your mouth is paper mache, but you smile back anyway.

///

The letters come one after another.

You know what the envelopes hold and yet you keep opening them. The little folder you keep stashed in your bottom drawer gets fatter every passing day because you can't help but revisit your misery, almost as if you need to remind yourself it exists.

Mingyu is none the wiser. Today he decides he'll put off pastry school for one more year. "It doesn't feel like the right time," he says, rolling a log of burdock kimbap up. "You know what I mean?"

No, you don't. You never really do.

You do know, however, that it would feel really fucking bad that, come the end of the year, to have nothing. All your friends would be going somewhere—even Yizhuo opened her acceptance to an MFA program in Shanghai yesterday—and you would be here, still, feet firmly planted in the muddy Jeju dirt like they always had been.

"Hey, don't look so disappointed." he jokes. "Don't tell me you're already trying to get rid of me."

You're not, you really aren't. But part of you wonders if it's just a race to the bottom. If you got rid of him before he decided he wanted to get rid of you, maybe it would hurt a lot less. One less letter for the folder.

"Never. But imagine if you picked up a French accent at pastry school. Then I’d consider it. Maybe."

You watch his knife rock back and forth on the cutting board as he cuts the kimbap.

"Some for you. And more for me," he says, in what you can only describe as someone attempting to speak French when they've never heard it before. "Unless you want more, mon cherie."

He brings the plates to the table, his grin nothing short of dizzying.

"I’m irresistible, huh? Still wanna leave me now?"

"You're gonna have to try a little harder than that, I think."

The words roll off your tongue, easily, traitorously.

You watch the kimbap disappear off of Mingyu's plate.

Going, going, gone.

///

Seogwipo is always dark at night, only kept alive by the glow of the moonlit sea.

You can't sleep. Again. And so you sit out on the steps in front of your house, letting the twilight wrap around you like a blanket.

You got your last letter back earlier today. You held your breath and tore it open like you would a birthday card with money in it.

Waitlisted.

It was surely better than a rejection, but some naive, child-eyed part of you thought that if you had just closed your eyes and hoped hard enough, things would work out the way you had planned. Tragically, it wasn't enough this time. You wanted and wanted and you thought maybe that would mean you'd come close to deserving it.

Your parents called today. After managing to sideline the issue of basically the rest of your entire life, they had finally cut through your sad little charade. No good news yet, huh?

No, but—

It was always like that with you. No, but it's not as bad as you think. No, but give me a chance. No, but I’m trying. I've been trying.

You wish things didn't come out of you so complicated. That you could be like Seohyun, who could go through school with her eyes closed and still graduate at the top of her class. Instead, you parade around your little failures, trying to convince people it all could mean something only if they squinted. See? It isn't so bad.

You think you're past the point of crying about it. Your stomach hurts, you're cold, and most of all, you just want to go back to bed. Plus, although Mingyu sleeps like a log, you think he's developed a sixth sense for whenever you get up too early.

Time to be brave, you've been telling yourself, although you don't know who you're pretending for anymore.

So you nudge the front door open—it's so old, it wails if you come at it with any more force—and, to your surprise, see the light above the kitchen sink turned on.

It's not very bright, but it's enough to make out Mingyu's broad silhouette, back turned to you as he makes a cup of tea. He's humming one of his made-up songs.

"Mingyu?"

"There you are," he says, turning around. "Just came out to check on you. And make you some tea."

The kettle whizzes. Your gut twists.

You still haven't said anything to Mingyu. To manage your own disappointment was one thing—you don't think you could handle another person's. And yet when he stands there, Pororo mug between his huge hands, you feel as if you are holding a knife, big and guilty and bloody.

"I-I'm fine, Gyu. Honest." you watch his expression flicker, unreadable in the persimmon lamplight. "Sorry you had to come out. It's chilly out here."

"You know, you can tell me what's going on. I won't judge."

No, no, no. This is the last conversation you wanted to have, with the last person you wanted to have it with.

You feel feverish. You think your hands are shaking.

"Mingyu, I swear—"

"Whatever it is, we can fix it. I know we can."

That almost makes you want to laugh if you didn't want to cry so bad. Of fucking course he would say that. Mingyu, who treats life like it's the watermelon trick he showed you on the outlook, wants to put a bandaid on this whole thing, as if that could come close to fixing it.

He'd tell you to curl up on the couch with a bad movie while he orders takeout. Kiss you on the top of the head. It's ok, baby. Just another bad day for the person who has the worst luck in the world. Another lump of problems for him to try and make better. If he isn't sick of you now, he sure would be soon enough.

"It’s okay," you say, steeling your voice. "It really isn't a big deal. Let's just go back to sleep."

You try to walk away, but the hardness in Mingyu's eyes roots you down to the tile.

"Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Pushing me away," he swallows. "Like you always do. I know something's going on."

"I’m not, i just—"

"You just what? You can't help it?"

"No, I—"

"Because you like to know that you can? That you can say whatever and then watch me come back?" A fragmented, heavy silence thrums between you. He's looking at you like he's daring you to say something, anything. His gaze is black. "What am I good for if you can't tell me anything?"

There's that familiar, stinging pressure behind your eyes. You think you're crying, but you're not sure. Maybe you've been crying this whole time.

"Fine," you bite. Your blood feels like hot metal. "You really wanna know? I didn't get into law school. There. Happy now?"

Mingyu looks stung.

"W-why didn't you tell me?"

Because I thought you would stop loving me. I thought you would have finally had enough.

"Because it's not all about you, Mingyu."

The words, selfish and damning, burn your tongue. Mingyu is right. This is what you always do. You fuck up and then make everyone else hurt for it.

"I'm sorry," Mingyu says. His voice doesn't sound like his. Instead, the words seem to hang in the air, trembling and holding their breath, waiting for an apology you can't give yet. "I shouldn't have—"

"It's ok." You swallow hard, and it hurts. "Let's just go back to bed."

It's getting colder and colder. You think there's a little hole in your sock, right above the cat's whiskers.

Mingyu doesn't reach for you as he passes to get to the hallway. Maybe he doesn't know how to anymore.

The Pororo cup is left abandoned on the counter. You walk over and read the label on the tea bag—barley, because you have class tomorrow morning.

You pick it up, let the ceramic buzz between your hands with whatever warmth it has left, and hold it to your lips.

It's cold now, but all you can think to do is drink it. Erase all the evidence that tonight ever happened, and maybe it'll be nothing more than a bad dream in the morning.

There's honey at the bottom of the cup. It sears the back of your throat, but you drink until there's nothing left.

vi. the peach blossoms (without fail, bloom every August. I miss you.)

You broke up the next day.

Even now, you remember what happened. You had woken up early that morning to make your own breakfast because you couldn't allow Mingyu to give you any more of himself. Your hands could only hold, shatter, so much.

"Mingyu, I think we should...." You looked at the zigzags of jam on your toast, angry and uneven. "I think we should stop seeing each other. For now," you had added, as if that made anything better at all.

Somehow that seemed more merciful at the time. Really, you think it just showed your cowardice. If you were going to break his heart, you might as well have gone all the way the first time.

Maybe it was a good thing that Mingyu saw right through you. He always did.

"So that's it, huh? You're just gonna give up on us?"

"No, I just...need some time."

"How long?" he asked. "Be honest with me. Because you know I’ll wait."

"I don't know." You couldn't meet his gaze. His eyes reached and reached over that kitchen table and you denied him even that.

"Don't you always know?" he asked, pitifully, desperately. "Don't you want this to work?"

And you did. In fact, you don't think you had ever wanted anything more, and it was that that scared you. You had already lost law school—you couldn't let the only other thing in your life let you go. So you pulled the trigger first.

"We should just end things. I'm sorry. I can't give you what you need."

He packed his bag within the hour, and you think everything, from then on, froze inside you. You didn't move from your seat until your parents came home from the airport later that day and asked why there were two plates of toast still on the table.

You think you knew, someplace, inevitably, this would happen. You, who only knew hunger, had reached deep inside Mingyu and rooted out a love you didn't think you were worthy of having. And yet you still ate from the vine, bite after guilty bite, until you couldn't take any more. The only time he asked you for anything at all, you couldn't give it to him—such was the irony of your relationship.

Maybe you were doomed the moment the first strawberry hit your tongue, just like you had said, all that time ago.

About a month later, you got another letter in the mail. Chungnam National University Law School, it read. This one was fat, in one of those brown envelopes lined with bubble wrap. Somehow, miraculously, that position on the waitlist had turned into an acceptance. You held the package to your chest and cried, loud and with abandon, as if taking a deep breath after almost drowning.

Ironically, the first person you wanted to tell was Mingyu. But the good news you needed to save your relationship came too little, too late. Perhaps that meant it had no legs to stand on in the first place, but that didn't stop you from missing it. Instead, you told Yizhuo, and she drove you to Jeju City and treated you to dinner. "You should just call him," she had said. "Hey, don't look at me like that. He'd probably pick up on the first ring."

The city is swathed in August's crimson summer—peach season. The narrow streets are lined with peach trees, the fruits glowing like fat drops of sunlight. All you do these days is plan for your eventual move to Daejeon and the start of a life that seems newer and shinier than your own. But surrounded by the cicada song, the velvet treeline, the rain-soaked asphalt, somehow you think you're going to miss Seogwipo more than you think.

(Fickle, fickle heart. You always needed things to be taken away to really be able to appreciate them. Somehow, all that wanting had boiled down to something more satisfying, more filling.)

You wonder how Mingyu is. Now that you think about it, he seems just as much a part of Seogwipo as the farm he lives on. It was only last summer when you had first met him in the field, set on fire by the strawberry harvest. You think about him now, peddling around that ridiculous wicker basket to make jam. Maybe talking to another pretty girl, someone as naive, cruel as you had been.

Not long ago, you considered calling him to apologize, but that'd just be another thing to be selfish about. A little time and some warm weather, and I’m calling to finally wash my hands of you. That's what it would sound like, no matter what you said. Still, it didn't stop you from thinking of him, every flower, every season.

"You know, I always wanted to grow peach trees. But I think we've always been a pear kind of family."

Mingyu. If a voice could cut through air, it'd be his.

You whip around, half-believing you're hearing things. Certainly that would be easier, but you're learning that there are some things you can't run from.

And like a picture, Mingyu stands tall, golden, framed by the peach blossoms. Not a thing about him has changed. Not even the way he looks at you.

"Mingyu," you breathe. Unfortunately, none of the times you replayed your last conversation with him help you come up with something to say, because in none of them did you anticipate him coming back. "W-what are you doing here?"

"I live here, silly."

"No way," you reply, scrambling. "Crazy, because I live here too."

You both laugh nervously, a silly, bubbly thing, but you feel like you're going to throw up. It's only now that you realize you're kind of on the walk to his place. Seogwipo has never had places to hide.

"I...um." You try and disentangle the guilt from the nostalgia from the scent of the peaches and the warmth on his face. They all look the same. You missed him. "I got into law school. In Daejeon."

"I heard," he says. "Not surprised at all. I always knew you would."

"Thank you. I mean it." The cicadas buzz around you, as if they know they have an important silence to fill. "You're staying in town, right?"

"Actually, I decided to apply to culinary school. It finally felt right, you know? I'm leaving at the end of the summer, but it's just in Jeju City. I couldn't leave the island."

"Thank goodness. I don't know if you could tell, but I kind of always hoped you would. I don't think I’ve ever eaten better food." Your voice wobbles, but it gets there. "You'll do amazing."

Then time stretches and forces you to recognize, reckon with, the moment you're in. You wonder if he feels the same way you do—bruised, overripe. If there's still a space in his heart for you.

Deep breath. Life only gives you so many chances.

"Mingyu, I’m sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't make us work. You deserved better." Saying it feels like peeling the skin of your heart back. There's still a palpable distance between the two of you—you think that had always been there—but it feels more comfortable in a way it never did before.

"Don’t apologize," he says, easily, as he always does. Everything seems to flow off him like water, and you think that's the part of him you loved the most because it was the one thing you couldn't touch. "We loved each other. I think that much was true."

A jasmine breeze curls through the trees, sending the blossoms fluttering around you like ink in water. The very first time you met Mingyu, you thought the image of him, haloed with the sunset, was the one you wanted to keep forever. And yet, somehow, you don't think you'll ever forget the way he looks right now.

"Will you ever come back to Seogwipo?" you ask.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing—you were always the one who wanted to get out of here." He grins, ear to ear. "Of course I'm coming back. There's nowhere I'd rather be."

"Yeah. I think I know what you mean."

The sea, the clay dirt, Mingyu. Even yourself, clumsy and care-worn. You think, somewhere along the line, you forgot how to love. But you're learning—one step at a time.

"Friends," you say. "Let's be friends. If you'll let me."

"Thought you would never ask. Gladly. Always." The space between you seizes, like it's holding in a breath. Maybe one day, you'll think of closing it once more, but you like where you stand now. You can admire him better from a distance, without your fingerprints all over him. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, something he does before he gets ready to leave. But before he does—"I'll see you soon, okay? You better come back. Promise me."

For the first time, you see the honesty in his eyes and you really, truly believe him.

"Promise."

The Seogwipo sun is high and red in the sky when you wave Mingyu goodbye. It feels like you're coming to an end of a long summer, but you're not afraid. You watch the wind dance through the peach blossoms, their branches never searching, never wanting, and you finally feel as if you've arrived home.

[matsukawamatt]

Melbourne

I said I probably wouldn't post here, and I don't plan on posting too much but figured I'd give a bit of a life update. I guess not so much has changed, but I have finally settled down in Melbourne -- a suburb called Blackburn -- and I am looking for work and trying to find my own peace and figure myself out. I'm not as depressed as I was, well, I AM depressed but just not so low. Its still pretty bad, objectively, but I think the low point may be past. I'm trying to find new hobbies and things I enjoy.

In the past few months I've been reading a lot. Not as much as I'd like to, as I can't really focus and my attention span has turned to shit, but reading nonetheless. My New Year's was pretty good and I had a lot of fun. I sort of just forgot the world around me and enjoyed myself for a while. Paid $200 for tickets to this 1920's themed party with burlesque and jazz. Talked to quite a few people and made some acquantainces. Two minutes before midnight a girl I was talking to, Sarah, probably mid-forties, asked me to make out with her for the new year. So I did just that. Pretty funny way to ring in 2024. I took a picture with the burlesque chicks, and "went outside for air", where I swiftly made my way back to the hotel so that I wouldn't have to give my number or contact info. Of course, I messaged Emily, as I have for the past 6 years (I messaged her Happy New Year even when I was with Katie last year, actually.) She responded a quick 24 hours later. I'm still pretty destroyed about this loss. I'm more distraught than I've ever been for the loss of any friendship or relationship. I guess losing Emily was something that I never prepared myself for. I think I've mentioned it before, but we spoke nearly every day for 6 years (minus the time with Katie, where it was very sporadic messaging). I still remember how upset she was when I opened up to her about my relationship with her. Maybe thats when our trust between eachother began to erode? I don't think I've told any person, woman or man, about as much as I have with Emily. For as long as I've had this Tumblr, she was there and we spent many long nights talking on facetime. I can't help but think of all of these pleasant memories. Unfortunately now, that is all over with. Maybe its just temporary, or maybe it is permanent, but at least I have our long-distance memories. I had hoped and prayed that we would spend this new years together, or really any part of Australian summer together, but I've accepted in the past few days that this is not going to happen. It can't really happen. I feel emotionless writing this, and I think that's a good thing. Up until new years, if I were to write this, I'd probably be holding back tears with each press of the keyboard.

I've come to also realize, or think, that I was actually nothing to Emily. We met in Melbourne at the Shrine of Rememberance once in 2017, and from then on we were in eachother's lives virtually. I don't believe I was ever real to her. As much as she would jokingly tell me she would marry me or loved me, I think part of me wanted that to be true. When she invited me to stay with her and told her family about me, especially the things her nan said to her, I really wanted things to happen with her. I thought she cared about me -- and maybe she does? I don't know. Maybe I've been too much. I have never been more certain of the fact that I am in love with this girl. I have been for years, and I think thats why I cut communication off when I was with Katie. In my heart, I knew I wanted her. And now that I'm in Australia, alone, and spending the holidays pretending it is just another day, I am forced to try not to think of her. But how is that possible? I tell everyone I came here to have a working holiday, but I can't help but truly feel that I came here to be with her. To spend time with her after all of those years of rhetoric. Its quite sad. I mean, she wouldn't even be open with me when we arrived in Parkes and she just got real... nasty. Again, no sense in trying to analyze any of this at all. It just sucks. The other day I got drunk and tried talking to her (on Christmas) I called and texted and she basically told me that this is why she needs space. I get it, but I was alone on a day that we had talked about spending together for years? How was I not supposed to feel anything? I don't think its wrong for me to want to talk to her? All of these things I'm writing should've been processed already and I fear I'm getting stuck in this loop. How long will I be stuck here? In most other relationships, I'd have moved on from most of this by now. But THIS long? Its not good. I think part of me wants her to be this bad person, but I KNOW she is not a bad person. Which leads me to believe that I am the problem. But, how? I've thought a lot about this and I know sometimes I am just too much, but I can't be the whole problem. I keep blaming myself. I even asked her if she could recognize that it wasn't all me that caused our falling out and she refused to admit any fault. Saying she had done nothing wrong in the past month and a half, since Parkes, but request space. I've given her space and then SHE reached out re-uninviting me to Christmas. I didn't talk to her for nearly two weeks -- and I know that doesn't sound very long -- but when you're in a country all by yourself, jobless, and homeless, there really isnt much else to think about. I fucked off around New South Wales for weeks, just waiting around to see what would happen with her. I was going to settle in Wollongong so that I could be close to her, and then this falls apart so what was the next plan? I had none. I just decided to come back to the city that made me most happy -- and unfortunately, that city is where I met HER. So she STILL remains on my mind. How fucked up is that? On a seperate point, my housemates are complete fucking weirdos, so thats great too. Well, Joel isn't so bad, but he's definitely a bit awkward. All I have to look forward to right now is finding some good stable work and my Noah Kahan concert on the 17th. I don't even have much interest in meeting anyone. I'm just real tired man. I need to take these social media detoxes seriously. I'm using Tumblr just for a seperate part of rambling and journalling so it doesn't even really count. I'd post some photos but I really can't be fucked to pick my phone up. Just sticking with the laptop for now. Will these posts ever get more positive? I need to figure this shit out man.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 102

Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead

Doctor Who double feature night! And I'm wondering, if I had to redo this (and god...if this is all still here in another 10 years, maybe I'll do it again), would I put all two part Doctor Who episodes in one night? Will this set of episodes even be a good gauge as they were the first ones I ever saw? Which I did watch as they aired? Before I was ever even on tumblr? But I'd heard of the show and happened to be doing a study abroad program in London that summer? Who's to say?

What I can say is that these two definitely hold a special place in my heart because (from all the Doctors and companions I've seen so far) Donna and Ten are my very very favorites, and for them to have been my first ones as well purely by accident, by sheer circumstance

"Silence in the Library"

Plot Description: The TARDIS arrives in the Universe's greatest library. But what lurks in the shadows?

I forgot that the Doctor actually greeting whatever (I can't remember if it was one of those things that Donna gets turned into) in the little girl's mind library was actually canon and not an outtake like the "I hate pears" monologue

Yeah, and this is probably one of those things that really made me think to go back to it once I did join tumblr. I loved how the Doctor talks about books. And yeah. It's still good

She's very valid for her disappointment of wanting a beach episode and getting a library one instead. No wonder she takes a spa day next 😬

At one point, I almost had a pretty fucking good replica of Donna's outfit. I was just missing the short sleeved cardigan thingy she's wearing. Also, her ponytail is flawless. Mine never look that good. (But it also reminds me of how much I wanna cut my hair)

You know, Vashta Narada aside, I would LOVE to go to this library

Donna kicking in the door because the sonic screwdriver "doesn't do wood" <3

This poor little girl...

Hmmm...I'm starting to wonder if the face of the guy chosen for the help desk thingy is the same guy who's Donna's fake husband when she gets "saved."

You know between the Vashta Narada and whatever the fuck is in Midnight, these episodes are PROPERLY scary

"I'm a time traveler. I point and laugh at archeologists" "Professor River Song, archeologist"

Oh, she just wants to be useful. So of course before she dies, Donna's gonna befriend her

What an interesting look for Donna to have as River marvels at how young the Doctor is, as she comes to realize this is the first time he is meeting her even though she already has so many memories with him. It's so very different from when Donna met Martha. This is protectiveness and almost jealousy.

No because for real...like...River's such a cool and interesting character and I'm almost afraid to go in the the next seasons where Moffat has control over what happens with her

Oh, don't go wandering off. Please don't go wandering off! (Me when I know she's going to wander off and get killed)

Ohhhh, she wants to talk to Donna one last time before she's gone...

Look...I'm not saying that we're gonna ACTUALLY get any payoff and actual closure or continuation from River knowing the Doctor but only knowing OF Donna before this episode in the 60th anniversary special, but WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT??

Not to be yearning on the yearning website, but like...I don't even like running, but I'm dying watching the Doctor grab Donna's hand to run and (what I believe was) River grabbing the Doctor's hand to do the same...

The repetition of "Hey, who turned out the lights?" and "Donna Noble has left the library. Donna Noble has been saved" as sentences spoken into the void not necessarily at anyone anymore is funny outside of the context, but the are HAUNTING

"Forest of the Dead"

Plot Description: As the shadows rise, the Doctor forges and alliance with the mysterious River Song

What IS Dr Moon's function?? Like, he's just kind of looming and a little creep last episode til he tells the little girl that the real world is a lie and The Library is real and there are real people there who need to be saved...which ratchets up the creepiness a LOT

He...IS the planet's moon?? I'm just.....this is suspending my disbelief a little too high over a little too much.

I'm like 90% sure she just told him his actual name, but my GOD the way he snaps back into action after hearing it.

Okay. Okay. On one hand, it IS a good reveal. Saying that there are five people still alive in that room when there are actually six people in the room. But like...forgive me for thinking she meant that there are five people aside from the Doctor alive

(So, it doesn't seem like the guy from the help statue things is the same guy that Donna's unreality after being saved)

"You hunt in forests, what are you doing in a library?" is such a good ALMOST revelation. It makes the watcher think about the implications of an entire world that's just a library...

Much as I do love libraries and old buildings with great wooden fixtures, this is a great psa against deforestation. This planet was once a great forest, and now...the wood has been chopped and fixed into place to build the library OR been pulped and turned into paper for the books that fill it. It's no wonder they've adapted and are taking back their home

I forgot there were two Daves on this expedition. There didn't HAVE to be two Daves, but...

I get so mad when these rich guys are the ones who either make it out or make it the longest. It happened on the Voyage of the Damned and it's seemingly happening now with the guy who chartered this expedition to the library his family built

Oh, poor Donna having her whole world rocked...I can understand her resistance to reality

On a scale from Donna Noble to Wanda Maximoff, how well do you deal with realizing your children aren't real?

GODDDDD the way he can make so many enemies retreat just by saying his title. I guess that would come with killing every other being of your species in order to ALSO kill your mortal enemies and stop the Time War

...I forgot this is not just the first time the Doctor meets River. It's the last time River meets the Doctor.

And the extra heartache of Donna insisting that her unreality husband was real and having to lose him...

And they walk off hand in hand...😭

BUT HE WAS REAL.

Okay. So maybe the rich guy wasn't so bad and seeing River reunited with her team and Miss Evangelista was nice...

[zee-stars]

Eddie Munson Headcanons

Author notes: I have fallen in love with this man. I just started to watch stranger things recently and I'm only on episode 6 of season 1 so this probably wont be accurate. Theres no plot I just really wanted to write something for him. (My internet is back. I can post again! Now here's this)

Warnings: mentions of drugs, swearing.

So you and Eddie are the same age okay. So during season 4 it's your 2nd year out of high school. (Ur both 20)

You and Eddie met Freshman year but didn't start hanging out until Junior year and didn't start going out until the summer after you graduated.

Eddie thought that when you graduated you were going to leave him and go off and live your successful live.

But you're just as much of a mess as he is. Only you are able to hide it better.

So instead of heading off to college, you move in with Eddie. In his trailer.

By the time he starts school again in that fall, you guys are dating.

I mean, it be hard to hide feeling for each other. Cause you guys lived in a kinda small trailer. You showered in his shower. He would sleep on the couch cause he didn't want to make you uncomfortable and sleep in the same bed as you. And no, he wasn't letting you sleep on the couch.

Eventually he started to wake up with pain everywhere and you stepped in.

"Dude just let me sleep on the couch!"

"No! I'm fine!"

"Come on, you were just whining about having neck pain. You can't even move your head without your neck hurting!"

"Well what if you start to get neck pain?"

"I'll be fine."

"No cause then you'll be whining sweetheart. I know you."

"Fine, we can just share the bed."

"What? You okay with that?"

"As long as you aren't a bed hog."

He was. Especially after you started dating. He would cling to you and if you moved an inch he would move with you.

Okay a new subject to talk about, drugs.

You never really did drugs. Only occasionally would you take a hit or eat an edible.

The first time you did drugs around him was the first time you came over to his trailer.

He had just finished making a batch of weed brownies with 30 milligrams in each. (I think that's a lot. Idk I don't do that kinda stuff and google is no help) You showed up at his house.

"Y/n. I forgot you were showing up!" He greeted at the door. He let you in and left to clean up in his room.

You wondered into the kitchen, just kinda checking the place out. You spotted some brownies on the counter. There were a lot of them and they were bite size. He wouldn't notice if you snagged one would he?

You popped one in your mouth right before he walked in.

"Wow Eddie, I didn't know you were a baker." You said after you swallowed the brownie.

"Y/n, did you eat one of these brownies?"

"Maybe.."

"Y/n, those are weed brownies. How many did you eat?"

"Only one. How much was in it?"

"Ah, you'll be fine. Just 30 milligrams. You've done around that before huh?"

"I've done 5. Twice."

"Okay, maybe we should sit down for a bit."

Within the next 15 minutes it hit you. Hard.

"Okay, yeah I'm feeling it now."

"How's it feel?"

"Strange. I feel a bit dizzy."

"I'll grab you a water."

When he came back to the room, you were giggling about some bullshit.

"What's so funny, sweetheart?"

"I don't know." You managed between a few laughs.

"Oh I see, you're one of those giggly high type of people. Don't worry. I get like that sometimes."

"I am never coming back here ever again."

A less you learned that day was to never eat random things in his house, especially sweets, before checking with Eddie.

So back to living with him. One word: Hell.

Okay so when he got his house, he planned on only having one person live there. Himself. Once you moved in you both quickly learned it was only made for one person.

Although it was small you both figured out how to make it work.

Sometimes, when you guys were dating, Eddie would remove a chair from eating area, (a table and two chairs in the kitchen) and set it outside. Because it was too much space he said. It was really cause he wanted you to sit on his lap while eating. (You just sat on couch or floor) if you sat on the floor he would move to sit next to you and then you would steal his seat.

Okay DND. Whether you knew how to play or didn't, or if you liked it or not, Eddie would talk to you about it non stop. If you knew how to play he would play with you. If you didn't know how to play but like it, he would teach you.

One day he came home and told you he found a group of Freshmen to play DND with him, you were super happy for him.

"It's about time you made some more friends!"

Every friday night he would go play with them and you would visit friends.

You often came home before him and would clean up or shower. When he came home he would either be super tired or filled with energy. It all depends on how the campaigns went. He would also always tell you how everything went before he would even think about falling asleep.

One day Eddie comes home from school and ask if you want to come to his DND campaign just to watch and you agree.

When you guys get there he starts to set up. He lets you sit in his "throne"

"You should feel lucky sweetheart. Every soul wishes they were lucky enough to sit there."

"Really?"

"Yes, I fear, not everyone is able to figure out how to gain the luck."

"Oh, and how does one manage to get the luck?"

"It's not entirely luck. More so... love..."

Warning: he's a bit dramatic. A lot.

He leaves to go find some pencils saying he'll be right back. You sit back and relax in his chair. The sound of people chatting is heard from the hallway and you get nervous. Its not Eddie which means it's probably his friends. You've never met them before and are nervous to meet them without Eddie by your side.

"Who are you?" Someone asks you. (Okay this probably won't be great cause I haven't watched season 4 yet so sorry for any incorrect parts)

"Umm, my names Y/n."

"What are you doing in Eddie's throne?"

"He said I could sit here." You sit back and cross your leg over the other, remembering the words Eddie said about his throne.

"Eddie? Why would he let you sit there?"

"Cause shes my girlfriend, Dipshits."

"Wait you weren't actually making that up?!"

After spending 10-20 minutes answering questions that were mostly them asking "why him?" They finally started the campaign.

Eddie moved you to sit on his lap before starting and always kept a hand on you unless he needed both for whatever reason. He kept sneaking glances at you the whole time, smiling as he did.

After it was over they had to go home and you were Eddie were starting to clean up.

"Well that was fun."

"Yeah it was. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sorry if they were annoying with there questions. They didn't believe me when I said I was seeing someone."

"Of course. Who would?" He slapped your arm softly but pulled you closer to him.

After you guys went home you cuddled and feel asleep to soft music playing in the background.

One final thing I want to talk about is school.

Of course Eddie had a hunch that he was going to get held back the first time. But the second time he was beyond annoyed.

"I'm gonna be stuck at this fucking hell hole with the same annoying ass people again! They're keeping me away from my girl! For 7 hours!"

You chuckled at him and pet his hair.

"Maybe this year you could try harder. I could even help you more. It's not like it could have changed that much."

"Sorry I don't want to come home from school and do more school. Also that's not the way I want to spend my time with you."

After a lot of convincing you did manage to help him study for a few test.

Also you know that Eddie Carrie's around his lunchbox full of drugs all the time at school. Well one time you caught him.

"Eddie would you like to explain why you're lunchbox is full of drugs?"

"No actually."

"I'm taking some out."

"Why?"

"Cause you need actual food in here! Also you can't have drugs at school. You're lucky I'm not taking them all out."

After that you started to pack him lunches. Sandwiches usually. Sometimes you would pack him fruit or crackers. Although he complained about it, you noticed the food was always gone when he came home.

"Eddie, since when did you start packing lunch?" Mike asked him.

"My girlfriend found drugs in my lunchbox and now packs me lunch."

"Really? That's something a mother would do."

"It taste good tho."

Sorry this was so long. This man has not left my head for the past week. I'll probably write more sooner or later.