#I JUST REALIZED I'VE SPENT OVER 17 HOURS ON THIS CHAPTER

[sttmh]

Small sneak peek for the upcoming chapter...

"hey," Classic huffed. "you didn't see what they were trying to do. one tried to eat your shirt."

[pandorasprongs]

PROLOGUE | hold on to the memories.

'it's nice to have a friend' fic masterlist + playlist

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 5.0k

SUMMARY: stories of jamie and reader's friendship over the years, from age 7 to 17.

WARNINGS: language, slight body image/appearance issues, slight panic attack, vague descriptions of sex

A/N: yay! finally starting this fic with sort of an overview/background on their relationship, but there will be more flashbacks throughout the chapters. no gif for this one cause tbh i could not find one that fits the vibes here, but regardless hope you all enjoy the prologue!

Age 7

"You mind handing that back over?" You hear a voice coming from the other side of the fence as you pick up a loose football.

You turn to find a boy around your age in a football kit. His hair was completely waxed to one side, probably to keep it from covering his eyes while playing. You recognize his uniform as your school's football team's, though you're not sure if you've seen him before. Then again, you didn't know anyone in town yet. You had just moved to Manchester a few months ago, just as the school year started and while you had a few people to talk to in class, you didn't have any solid friends really.

You toss the ball back to the boy, who catches it swiftly. You think that's the end of it, so you start heading back to your house when he calls out to you again.

"Hey! What's your name?" You answer him, with him nodding in acknowledgment. "I think I've seen you around the school. I'm Jamie."

He reaches over the fence and extends his arm for you to shake it, despite the fact that you were already at your front door. You walk back and shake it, as he asks, "Do you wanna play football? I got a game tomorrow, but Mum's too busy to play goalie."

You had hoped your look of glasses, multiple layers of clothes, and generally un-sporty demeanor was enough to dissuade offers to play, but this Jamie didn't really seem to care.

"Maybe another time," You reply, but this boy is persistent.

"Okay, do you wanna watch me score goals?" He offers before glancing at the book tucked under your arm and pointing at it. "You can read while I play."

Once you realize that he wasn't going to quit, you finally agree. You head back inside to tell your mom that you'd be playing with your neighbor for the afternoon and since you already finished your homework, she was more than willing to let you go. She always said you needed some fresh air, which was why you were outside in the first place.

You walk back to your yard to find Jamie still standing where you left him, but this time he was practicing his dribbling. He was pretty good from what you knew about football, and walk over to his side of the fence. He stops when he sees you and starts leading you to his backyard. There was a goal net in the far back and some cones set up, probably to practice maneuvering the ball better. 

Jamie turns to see if you're still following him and drags you to a small table with two chairs near the door to the house. "You can stay here and count my goals," he instructs you and you nod your head in understanding.

While Jamie kicked around the football, you continued reading your book, occasionally looking up at what the boy was doing. It was easy to keep track of the score since Jamie would be cheering like he just won the Premier League when he scored. 

After getting bored of reading, you decide to ask Jamie to teach you how to play. You see his eyes light up and immediately drags you up from your seat. The first thing he teaches you is how to dribble the ball. He held your hands the whole time to stop you from falling over, but that only seems to make it harder for you to move around.

Once you finally got the hang of that, — meaning you no longer tripped over your own feet — the next few hours were then spent teaching you the other basics of football like passing and shooting. You only started to get decent at shooting when you realized that the sun was already setting.

"I think I have to go home now," You tell Jamie, whose expression suddenly fell at your statement. You go and grab your book from the table and wave at the boy. "It was nice playing with you!"

If he said anything in reply, you didn't hear it because you sprinted back around the fence and into your house. You take off your shoes, relieving the ache of kicking around the ball, and go to tell your parents everything you did that day.

—

The next time you see Jamie was Friday morning. He spotted you leaving your house for school and invited you to his team's football game that afternoon. "You just have to stay in school a little later. My mum said your mum might get worried, so she told me to tell you now so you can ask her."

You run back inside to do just that and after informing her that the other parents would be chaperoning the game, she agreed. You also take the chance to get your scarf and gloves because you hadn't realized how cold it was outside. She went out with you to tell Jamie the good news.

"Thank you, Ma'am," he replied, causing your mom to let out a chuckle at how polite the boy became. She finally sends you off to school and Jamie decides to walk with you too.

—

You couldn't help but be amazed at how well Jamie was playing. You knew that he was at least decent based on how well he taught you that day, but he was practically scoring all the goals for his team. None of the opposing players could even catch up to him, at times. You wonder how he kept his energy up despite the fact that it was freezing outside and he was only in shorts.

After the game, his team got hot chocolate to celebrate their win. You go to congratulate him, but find it hard due to the number of people surrounding them. Jamie was looking for you too, so the moment he spots you trying to make your way through the crowd, he heads to you instead and pulls you aside.

"Did you like the game?" was the first thing he says to you.

You immediately nod, "Yeah, it was really fun to watch! Congrats on winning."

Jamie shrugs, "Thanks, but it's really nothing, we've been on a streak for a while." You don't know if he's just being humble or bragging about his team, but either way, you're happy they're doing well.

Afterward, Jamie decides to bring you to meet his mom. She's quick to embrace you and mentions that Jamie's been talking about you non-stop, much to the boy's embarrassment. She hands you a hot chocolate of your own and you're grateful to be able to warm your hands. You lost one of the pair around lunchtime, so you've been keeping your hands in your jacket pocket the whole day.

While Jamie goes to change, you stay with Georgie as you savor your drink. She notices the lack of cover on your right hand and gives you an extra pair that she kept in her bag. It's clearly too big for you and its orange color clashes with the blue and white on your left hand but you're grateful regardless.

Soon after, Jamie's rushing out of the locker room looking cozy in a sweatshirt under his winter jacket. He's wearing gloves as well and when he notices your mismatched gloves, he takes one of his off and switches them with the orange one. 

They're a much better fit and you thank Jamie for it. The boy adds, "My hands are bigger, so they won't slip off as easily." 

"Come on, let's go home!" He adds, grabbing one of your hands with his left and his mom's with his right as you walk off the pitch.

After coming home, your mom notices your new glove and decides to bring some cookies for the neighbors as a thank you. That started a months-long gift exchange between the two moms for reasons ranging from watching over their kids on weekdays to lending their kids a pencil for a standardized test. 

You didn't really mind it though, because it usually meant you'd get to hang out with Jamie longer. You spent countless weekends riding your bikes around town, playing football, and even camping in your backyards. The boy who threw that ball over your fence was quickly becoming your best friend.

—

Age 15

“Aww, my little girl is so grown up, now!” Your mom exclaims as she opens the door to see you in a pink knee-length sundress. You don’t know why she’s so shocked you’re wearing it considering that she was the one who bought it for you. “Hmm, but do you think you need a necklace?”

“Mom!” You whine and she immediately backs off. It’s not like you minded the suggestion, but you had your own issues to deal with and didn’t need your parents to get involved.

When you said yes to Tim asking you on a date, you knew you’d be both excited and nervous. But you didn’t realize how insecure it would make you. Your parents say all the time that it’s normal for kids your age — being insecure about your looks and body, — but that advice never seemed to help. As your mom leaves the room, you turn back to the mirror and sigh. Something was just off. The dress was pretty, the shoes matched, and your mom did great with your hair, but even then, you still aren’t satisfied.

You weren’t as experienced with make-up and fashion as the other girls in your school and you had long since accepted that. You just didn’t realize it would backfire on you in times like these. You sigh sharply again. If Tim really liked you, it wouldn’t matter that much right? You add the necklace your mom was suggesting before heading downstairs.

After a string of ‘oohs’ and ‘awws’ from your parents, you start heading to the restaurant. Most popular restaurants among your schoolmates were walkable and you didn’t want an even more awkward introduction with your parents there, going there by yourself was the best plan. You had gotten there early, so you settled on the bench outside the restaurant to wait for your date.

Maybe around the first half hour, you should’ve suspected something was off. But you stayed for another hour in case Tim actually showed up. God, you shouldn’t have believed he was sincere. Why would someone ask you out? You always kept to yourself in class, spent most of your time studying, and never even tried to go to parties or anything.

You check your phone again because some hopeful part of you thought he’d text you with a valid excuse, but all you see are some messages from classmates asking for notes and a missed call from your mum. You were not ready to face your parents right now, not after the hopeful looks on their faces that their daughter might be sociable for a night.

Instead, you call the only other person you can. Jamie makes it to the place in record time and the first thing you do is hug him. The moment you make contact with his body is the moment you let the tears flow from your face. It didn’t really matter at that point if people were staring: you just needed someone. You needed Jamie.

“I’m gonna murder that prick,” Jamie threatens as he reciprocates the hug.

“Please don’t,” you whisper into his chest. “I can’t have you going to jail right now.” Despite trying your best to say it jokingly, your voice is too hoarse to properly convey it.

After what felt like hours in that position, you finally let go. You soon realize that your streaming tears had stained Jamie’s shirt. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

The boy looks down and just shrugs. “It was getting too small for me, anyway.” That’s enough to put a smile on your face.

The two of you get into the car – Georgie’s car, since technically, Jamie only had a provisional license – and start driving back to your house. Maybe it was your wrecked emotional state, but you decided to outright ask, “Jamie, do you find me attractive?”

You gasp as Jamie almost crashes the car. You quickly clarify as he steadies the vehicle, “Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just, I don’t really know how I look to guys.”

“Right, sorry.” He says but doesn’t look away from the road. “I mean, you are pretty. As long as you don’t let it get to your head.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, fuck off Jamie, I’m not you.” You could list the number of times Jamie’s flashed that cocky smirk to girls at school during breaks. Those were some of the very few times you were embarrassed to be seen with him and you laugh at the reminder. But your smile quickly disappears when you look down at your outfit. “Do you think other guys think I’m pretty?”

Your voice is as soft as it’s ever been, not wanting to show how insecure you’re feeling at the moment. But Jamie can tell like he always does. You turn the corner to your house and he stops the car in the road and fully turns to you.

“Fuck those other guys. Fine, if you need someone to say it, I will. You are fucking gorgeous, especially tonight.” You cringe at his words, not used to having anyone say that about you, but he gets you to look at him again. “I’m serious. And Tim’s a fucking idiot for ditching you.”

Despite his harsh tone, the soft look in his eyes as he tries to comfort you almost makes you tear up again. As if it’s become a routine, you reach over and envelop him in a hug once more. To make up for the failed date, the two of you spend the rest of the night eating a tub of Neopolitan ice cream and soon enough, you forget that Tim even existed.

—

Age 17

Your teachers always said you were a good writer. But no one ever told you how fucking difficult it was to start your personal statement. You'd never realized how hard it is to prove you should go to university until you forced yourself to sit down and actually try and write something. You started with the outline route, trying to note all your academic achievements, extracurriculars, and things like that before you ended up boring yourself.

You've written 9 possible starting lines at this point, and in the end, you decide to just shut your laptop in despair. Try again tomorrow, you said to yourself. The same thing you said yesterday and the day before that. 

You go to lie down on your bed when you hear something hit your window. It's a light clinking sound, and you ignore it till you hear another one. You finally decide to check outside your window and hear shouting from above.

"God?" you ask hesitantly.

"Nope, just me," you look up to find Jamie Tartt sitting on his rooftop, almost giving you a heart attack.

"Get down from there!" You tell him immediately and instantly cringe at how similar your tone is to your mom’s. Jamie rolls his eyes at the order but obliges anyway. He starts going down the roof into his bedroom — carrying an empty bottle of beer in his left hand — and makes it through his window.  Once he's safe with his feet on the floor, he turns around to face you in your adjacent bedroom.

"Why'd you even go up there?" you question and Jamie, like always, simply shrugs.

"Felt like it," you shake your head at his reasoning. You knew your best friend could be reckless, but you didn't think he'd do something as stupid as that, especially before scouting season.

"So falling off and breaking your legs wasn’t something you thought could possibly happen?"

"Well, that’s why I have you to warn me," He exclaims, before going back to the conversation. "I'm coming over."

Both your sets of parents were out for the night and they'd known each other long enough to trust each other's kids enough, so neither of you needed to message them about it. You watch him sprint out of his room and after a few minutes, you here the doorbell ring.

You head downstairs and open the door to find a panting Jamie leaning on the frame. "3 minutes, new record time."

"Well, they do say I'm one in a million." He jokes as you let him inside and he takes off his shoes.

"Who's they, in this situation?"

"Mum." He says blankly, collapsing on the couch. "And Simon."

You laugh, before lifting his legs and shuffling on the opposite side of the couch. You rest them on your lap for a second, before a wave of stench from his feet hits you and you shove them off. Jamie goes back to sitting upright and he instead leans his head on your shoulder.

You turn on the TV and start browsing for a movie as your entertainment for the night. Most weekends were like this; hanging out in one of your houses, ordering pizza — which Jamie did as you looked through channels, — and relaxing on the couch.

The order was placed and you settled on the Hunger Games this time. You watched the first part of the movie in silence as usual, but once the pizza arrived, Jamie decided to change things up.

"Wanna play 20 questions?" You look at him curiously. You knew practically everything about each other, so why on Earth would you play a game that's every person's go-to icebreaker?

You don't have a chance to protest because after taking a bite of the pizza, he asks, "What were you doing before I got here?"

Your eyes widened at that. Maybe the one thing you never really talked about with Jamie was your future. Neither one of you would admit it, but there wasn't any chance that you two were going to be doing the same things in your career. You had academia and Jamie had football. It's hard to imagine something that kept the two of you together and also made both of you happy, so you never brought it up.

"Uh, I was having a wank," you joke but Jamie isn't amused. He continues to stare at you with an expression that you rarely ever saw; he was being serious. "I was trying to write my personal statement."

 You look cautiously at your best friend who is quiet for the first time tonight. He takes a bite of his pizza again and with a full mouth, says, "And? How's it going?"

You groan and lean your head back. "Fucking terrible. I can't think of anything to say about myself."

"The fuck do you mean? You're like the smartest person I know." He points out and while you're touched he thinks that, you sigh.

"Unis don't just look at grades anymore. They want substance and worldly impact from their applicants. How the fuck am I supposed to change our societal landscape at fucking seventeen?" You admit, and it's like a weight has been lifted off of you. You drop your plate of pizza on the table and lean into Jamie's side.

"You want me to write it for you? I've got a bunch of great things to say about my best friend." He offers and you finally let out a laugh. "I can put how fucking amazing you are at Scrabble, how you can predict the ending of a movie in the first 20 minutes, how loud your voice can get when you cheer me on at a football game, and how you can hear a song once and already figure out how to play it on the piano."

You look up to find Jamie giving you a wide smile and his happiness is contagious. But that feeling is almost instantly replaced when you remember the position you two are in and feel your heart beating faster.

You don't ignore the fact that Jamie has grown up a lot more in recent years: finally passing you in height, having more defined arm muscles, and definitely growing into his features. It's harder to feel normal when you do the things you did as kids like when he rests his head or arms on your shoulders, pulls you into his chest to stop you from walking in front of a passing car, or just like right now when you're leaning into him, his arm pulls you closer to his body.

You slowly pull yourself away, but then he grabs hold of your hand instead. You've held hands before, but again, there's just something different about now. You decide to leave it there before finally replying, "I'm sure with that kind of stories in it, they'll let me into fucking Oxford." The two of you laugh before you grab your plate of pizza again and turn to back to the movie.

—

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” You hear someone say, as you turn the corner to your school’s locker room.

It was normal to hear the players get nervous before the finals, but hearing Jamie Tartt panicking was a whole new thing for most of your classmates. Some league teams had sent scouts for the striker in this game and while everyone knew he’d do great, it seemed like the school’s support still wasn’t enough to convince him of that.

When his teammates couldn’t snap him out of it, their Plan B was to call you.

“Sorry, I’m looking for my best friend, Jamie Tartt. Brown hair, blue eyes, kind of conceited, but pretty nice if you get to know him.” You start out jokingly, but when his panicked eyes landed on yours, you quickly shift gears. “Shit, sorry. Not the time for jokes, I guess.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m off my game right now,” He starts, still trying to catch his breath as he moves around frantically. You take his hands into yours in order to steady him, but when that doesn’t work, you grab him by his shoulders.

Usually, Jamie would be towering over you, but with his slumped posture at the moment, you were almost eye-to-eye with the guy. “Jamie, take a deep breath. Focus on me, okay?”

You’ve gone through this enough times — usually with you in Jamie’s place — to know how to calm him down.

He follows your directions and you slowly nod your head. “Keep breathing, just do that for now.” Jamie closes his eyes and slowly starts to steady himself. Your hands move from his shoulders to his hands like you initially planned.

“I know it’s fucking terrifying, but believe me when I say that you are incredible. You know how you always tell me that I’ll smash it as Model UN conferences? This time, I’m the one telling you you’re gonna be the best fucking player out there.” You pause for a moment in case he reacts, but all Jamie does is nod his head. “I believe in you. Georgie and Simon believe in you. Hell, this entire school fucking believes in you. I swear, I saw people planning a chant for you outside.”

That gets the player to laugh and you smile, seeing a glimpse of his usual self. “Also, I know I’m complimenting you right now, but better savor it cause I’m never inflating your ego like this ever again.”

“Not even when I help Man City get another win in my first year?” Jamie finally speaks up.

“I’ll be complimenting Pep, not you.” You playfully roll your eyes. “But to be able to do that, you have to get out and play today.”

Jamie straightens up and starts shaking away the nerves. He turns to head to his team, but not before giving you a quick hug and a ‘thank you.’ Once he enters the locker room again, you start heading back to your seat.

—

Age 18

"Do you really want to do this?" Jamie asks carefully, but you've already made up your mind as you pull him closer.

You were going off to university in a few months and Jamie would be doing his summer training soon. Both his and your parents were out of town on a couple's retreat, so it was either now or never.

You knew that going off for college would increase the chances of your first time being with a random guy you met at a frat party infinitely, so you could say it was a calculated decision to jokingly ask Jamie when you talked about it if he'd be willing to sleep with you.

You didn't really expect anything and for the first few seconds, Jamie was too in shock to actually reply. You immediately tried to dismiss it as a joke, but before you could, he replied, "Sure."

You knew that Jamie had already had sex with girls before, — hearing him try and sneak the girls out of his bedroom window was always a fun story to bring up the next day — so you thought that it would just be another one for him.

But that night was the most delicate you've ever seen him. He didn't rush you or make you feel uncomfortable. He checked up on you constantly, making sure it didn't hurt and you were actually enjoying yourself. You made sure to hug him after, — not being able to say any words of gratitude out loud, — and you eventually went to sleep like that.

You woke up the morning after, still with him beside you, but after you got changed and he went back to his house, neither of you brought it up again. You went back to your old routine of hanging out in the afternoons and movie nights as if nothing even happened.

And it really was for the best, considering that the next time you had sex really was in a frat house’s bathroom.

—

Now, you were loading the last of your things into your car for your family road trip to Cardiff, which was to also move you into your dorm. Your mom was recounting the boxes, making sure you didn't forget anything because in her words, "We are not driving 3 and half hours twice just to bring you your toothbrush." Your dad was in the kitchen fixing up snacks for the trip, so you decide to take this chance and finally say goodbye to your best friend.

You barely saw Jamie in the weeks leading up to this since he spent most of his time at training. Even on weekends, he would be passed out in his room from the painstaking drills of the days prior. So as you knock on their door, you aren't very hopeful.

It reveals Simon who instantly pouts and brings you in for a hug. You always appreciated him for how he accepted Jamie into his life, despite the latter's fears that he'd be just like his father.

"Come inside," He offers, but you shake your head. You had to leave soon and you didn't want to delay the trip any longer. “Alright, but I was actually baking some muffins that you guys can take on your drive there, and you can’t say no to those.”

You laugh as you nod, before asking, "Is Georgie home?" 

Simon calls out to his wife to tell her that you're about to leave. You soon hear quick footsteps descending the stairs before you are once again enveloped in a hug. 

Simon heads out to presumably pack up those muffins, but you're too distracted by the rising feeling of sadness as you say goodbye to the woman whose practically been your second mother for a decade.

"You stay safe, okay? I know you'll enjoy your life there, but don't make your parents worry too much. Cause then they won't be able to stop talking about you," You laugh at her prediction before giving her one last hug.

Simon races back to you with a brown paper bag which he hands over, along with a pat on the back. You turn around to see if there's any sign of your best friend, but Georgie answers that for you. "He said he might be running late at practice." You feel your heart sink, but do your best to mask it. You wave goodbye to the couple before walking to the car.

You hand your dad the bag of muffins and sigh, "We can go." Your parents exchange a look but oblige nonetheless. You start heading into the car when you hear the call of your name.

You turn to see Jamie, still in his kit — shorts and all, — running towards your house. You decide to meet him halfway and once he's close enough, the football player pulls you into a tight hug, as if he's never letting go.

"Did you really think I'd let you leave without saying goodbye?" He whispered into your shoulder.

"If you're in trouble for leaving practice early, that is not on me." You try and keep it light-hearted, but his laugh only makes the pit in your stomach feel worse.

"Call me, okay? As often as you can. And send me pictures of all the stadiums you're playing in. I don't care if you send ten pictures of Etihad Stadium in a row, just do it. If you ever come to Cardiff, take some time off to see me. And," you try and think of more things to say, but Jamie cups your face in his hands to make you stop.

"I'll see you during the off-season, yeah?" Jamie's look is soft and you can feel the dam stopping your tears about to break.

"Don't you fucking forget me, Jamie." You try and say as angrily as you can, but your voice cracks as Jamie pulls you into another hug.

The two of you finally separate and you head off to your car. You stop yourself from looking back as you get into your seat. 

Jamie doesn't take his eyes off you, though. He watches as your car starts and turns the corner off your street.

A/N: hope you all enjoyed this one! if you couldn't tell, some of these flashbacks were based on the song 'it's nice to have a friend' by taylor swift which is what inspired this whole thing! see you next week for the official first chapter !!

[softly-potter]

Still Friends | Chapter 9: A Christmas Moment

Summary: After a chance encounter at a party, Wanda and Bucky find they have more in common than they realized.

This fic is heavily inspired by 'Friends' by my lovely friend Poppy. She is aware of this fic and I've been given permission for this marvel-version retelling! If you haven't read her dramione fic 'Friends', I HIGHLY suggest it. I fell in love with the story and couldn't help but wonder, what if it was Wanda and Bucky instead of Hermione and Draco? Thus "Still Friends" was born. Enjoy!

Pairing: Bucky X Wanda

Word Count: 33,068

Warning: smut, drug use, depression

A/N: Find the rest of the chapters here; Chapter 1: Greetings | Chapter 2: Unloading | Chapter 3: Cherries | Chapter 4: Worth the Wait | Chapter 5: Books | Chapter 6: Grief | Chapter 7: Unlikely | Chapter 8: Happy Birthday, Solider | Chapter 10: The Best Holiday | Chapter 11: Permission | Chapter 12: Revitalize | Chapter 13: Backstabber | Chapter 14: Luck of the Dead | Chapter 15: Pain Reliever | Chapter 16: Apologize | Chapter 17: Specially Gifted | Chapter 18: New Day

-

December 23rd, 2027

What does one get a witch for Christmas?

Bucky hasn’t the faintest idea. He’d searched the internet, scrolling through pages of lotions and candles, window shopped on his way home from the gym. He even texted Client, the texting alone taking over half an hour, asking what the man normally got his wife.

CB: Laura doesn’t like flashy things, she prefers memories over items.

Bucky didn’t know what to make of that, so he didn’t respond.

Memories over items. Like photographs? Didn’t that still count as an item? Rebecca had always claimed to hate Christmas, but when the time came, she’d always gifted something impossibly thoughtful, like she’d peered into your brain and knew it was something you’d been hoping for.

Bucky wished he had that gift.

The few Christmases he had spent in the service had been mostly uneventful. No gift giving, sometimes a haphazard tree had been erected and the guys would gather around, drinking and cheering to the Christmas before.

During those years he’d always wished there was a girl he could send postcards to back home, a girl he could visit when he was on leave. But then he’d remember how dangerous his situations were, and how unfair that would be to any person, and he wasn’t a selfish person.

Christmas wasn’t even a thing when he was with Hydra.

Out of all his Christmas’, he never thought he’d be spending one with her; but she wants to. She’s already deciding on what she’s going to cook, for just the two of them, and she’s busying herself by writing down a list. Her handwriting is large, loopy, and she’s rushing, her excitement nearly palpable as she sits across from him at his dining table. His laptop obscures his view of her, scrolling hopelessly, his anxiety growing by each failed attempt at finding a gift she’d enjoyed.

“Do you like sweet potatoes?” She asks, head bent. “I've heard that's a typical American staple for Christmas dinner.”

“Don’t cook too much, lord knows you don’t eat a lot.” He chuckles. Her head shoots up, his only indications of that action is her red hair bouncing, lines etched on her upper forehead.

“Bucky Barnes,” she warned, but her tone was laced with joy. “I have never experienced an American holiday like this. Are you going to strip me of that possibility?”

He rolls his eyes at her dramatics, bringing his coffee mug to his lips. “I'll strip you of something else.”

She leans to the right, giving him a scrunched narrowed look to indicate she heard his raunchy remark. Pulling back to her position, she resumes writing.

“Just you wait, solider.” She mutters, and he surpasses a laugh. “This will be better than any Christmas your mother would have cooked for you.”

He huffs into the cup. “That’ll be easy to accomplish.”

Her pen scratching pauses, can hear her shuffling slightly. “I take it your family didn’t celebrate?”

Bucky flexes his fingers, places the cup down. He’s glad the laptop is obscuring her from view slightly.

He didn’t want to talk about this, he didn’t want to unbury the dead, especially to her. She already carried so much, she didn’t need his weight.

Wanda sits up, her face in view now, green eyes questioning, and he clenches his flesh hand. His nerves grow as the silence stretches on, and she’s patient, waiting for his response. Glancing up, he catches her expression, and he feels a knot grow in his throat. Lips raw, he’s biting down hard.

“Not really.” He replies eventually. Wanda seems to let out a breath. “My sister did, a little.”

Pushing the chair back, he stands from the table with cup in hand, leaving to the living room. She calls after him, but her voice is echoy, like she’s calling through water, and he sits gingerly on the couch, like he’s aching. Like he’s old.

His throat is tight and he wishes he’d died from that fall off the fucking train. It was a simple question for fucks sake, and he was unraveling. Its natural for people to want to know things about you, your family or your job. One mention of his semi-abusive mother and he’s having trouble focusing.

But its hurting. He can’t remember a time when Christmas was good, purely good, a time when Christmas meant just joy. No fighting, no gun powder, no narsocitic let downs.

Just joy.

And he wants it with her, badly, but only her. He wants to remove the edges of his mother and the war from christmas time, and repaint it with her cooking in his kitchen, wearing those dumb fuzzy socks she loves so much.

His jaw aches from clenching.

“Buck?” Her voice is soft, pleading, and he screws his eyes shut. Her hand is on his shoulder, pressing lightly. “Honey?”

She’d just recently started calling him that; it makes him feel warm. He quickly got used to it.

He reaches up, grips her hand from his skin and gently pulls it away. “I’m fine,” he mumbles, releasing his hold. “Just not a big mommas boy.”

Even the phrase sounds odd in his mouth.

Wanda inhales slowly, and then she’s shoving his crouching arms back, crawling into his lap, resting her backside on his left thigh. Cupping his face, she looks at him, and he blinks rapidly, hoping there’s no wetness there.

“That's ok,” she says, her breath ghosting over his face. “Conversation for another day yeah?”

“Yeah.” He responded, hoping that day would never come.

“Listen, I know it’s…hard,” she says, and he can tell she’s watching her words carefully. “to move on when there’s so much hurt surrounding certain days. But, if your mother took so much from you before, don’t let her continue.” She strokes the side of his face. “Don’t let her keep taking it away.”

He stares at her, teeth still picking at his lip. He’s lost for words, in awe of her yet again, and his heart is hammering within his ribcage.

“There's no one i'd rather spend the holidays with,” she whispers, smiling, and pecks his lips. He leans forward, trying to catch them again, but she backs away with a small laugh.

“I’m not a big Christmas fan,” he teases, pulling her back, holding her on him. He spreads his fingers over her back, pressing his digits into her skin, and inhales. “but I can be into anything if it's with you.”

And now he’s standing in the cold December air, a knitted hat snuggly warming his ears as his breath blows out and he searches for the perfect tree.

He’d never had a Christmas tree before, so a part of him was excited. The other part of him was irritated that he wasn’t snuggled in bed with her, feeling her smooth skin against his, and instead freezing his ass off for a tree that would eventually die.

Scouring the woods two hours away from his apartment and his girl is not how he had planned to spend the day before Christmas eve, but she had asked and therefore, he would do it. He searches for a while, peering between sticky pine needles at the base of trees, shaking them slightly to test their sturdiness. They’re all decent, full of color and tall, but none quite right.

Until there’s one.

It’s a dark, mossy color, its tip not just one end but a collection of sharply shaped branches that twist into one, and when he presses his metal hand to it, giving it pressure, it merely stands, not budging.

Bucky grins, switching the ax in his grip from one hand to the other, and when he begins the process of cutting it down, his brows sweating and back aching, he thinks of her.

It amazes him how strong she is, after all the heartbreak. Bucky can’t imagine, and he’s grateful. Grateful for her strength, grateful that something as stupid as christmas brings them closer. He wants to peel back her layers, learn everything about her, and as the months trudge on he’s been able to learn more and more, and he’s so grateful for her in his life he smiles as he chops.

They decided to have the tree in her apartment, an idea she came up with but he heartily agreed with. He didn’t want to deal with the fallen pine needles littering his floor and her apartment seemed so hollow soemtimes, it was no wonder she was nearly always at his. A tree might brighten the mood, make the space feel more homey for her, and he hopes she likes his pick.

The drive back to her apartment is quick, his excitement to see her making the time go faster. He still hadn’t decided on a gift for her, and wondered if he even needed a gift. Of course he needed a gift, but a gift didn’t have to be a material item, isn’t that what Clint said?

All thoughts of presents and christmas are discarded as he pulls into her apartment parking spaces, and is greeted with a dark, unmarked car parked in his guest space. Bucky swerves his car against the back end of the other vehical, jumping out before he can turn off his ignition.

Hes through the door, hand already gripping the knife he keeps in his boot, silently taking in the surrondings. She’s talking, her voice low, but it doesn’t sound distressed. Entering the kitchen quickly, he surveys.

“Calm down, James.”

Clint gives him an incredulous look. A teenage girl with dark hair pulled into a pony tail is beside him, her lip is cut and she’s got a bandaid across her brow. Her eyes are wide as she takes in Bucky with a knife.

“Oh my god you’re the Winter Soldier!” The girl squeaks, a hand raised to her mouth. Leaning against the sink with her arms crossed, Wanda looks from the girl to Bucky, and finally to Clint.

“This, is the girl?” Clint’s flabbergasted, and Bucky rolls his eyes, putting the knife back into its hoslister.

“Barton.” Bucky replies, as way of greeting. The girl sticks her hand out, a goofy smile stretching her features.

“I’m Kate, Kate Bishop,” she says happily. “I’m his partner.”

“Thought you didn’t do partners.” Bucky muttered, ignoring her hand. What was he doing here, bothering Wanda so close to the holidays? Didn’t he have a wife of his own to bother?

“I didn’t,” Clint replied. Kate lowered her hand in disappointment, her cheeks pink. “I wouldn’t even count Nat as a partner. This is my friend Kate, she’s coming with me to see the family for Christmas.”

“Great, fantastic,” Bucky huffed, crossing his arms. “What’re you doing here?”

Wanda seems to be shaken back to life, and she pushes herself off the sink, moving to stand beside him, and snakes her hand into his. His chest blooms.

“He was just leaving,” she says, tone icy. “Right, Clint?”

Clint raises a brow at her, but doesn’t object. He nods his head, and Kate follows him out the kitchen into the foyer. Bucky places a chaise kiss to her hairline. “Be right back, trees in the car and I may have blocked their room to reverse.” Wanda gives him a look, knowing full well why he did that, but there’s humor in her eyes and he winks.

After reversing his truck, Bucky watches as Clint puts their car in drive. He rolls down the window, sticking his head out and Bucky shoves his hands in his pockets. Clint stares for a moment, sucking the side of his cheek, and for once Kate looks quiet.

“Has she ever talked to you about Westview?”

But you’re trying to act like my husband and you aren’t. My husbands dead. Thanos killed him, and then SWORD took him, and I can never see him again.

“Sure.” He keeps his answer short, and while it’s not overly detailed, it is true.

“Did she tell you about what happened?” Clint presses, arm on the window rim. “Did she tell you about her kids?”

The air is suddenly very thin.

“Figured not.” Clint hums, then looks forward. “I would tread lightly with her. If she likes you, she’ll eventually tell you but…be patient. And be aware.”

Bucky wants to ask him what he means, and why he knows information about her that Bucky himself does not, but the marksman closes his window, speeding off into the winter air, snow flurries brushing up in his wake.

Inside, Wanda is pacing, the corner of her index finger nail lodged between her teeth, nipping at it. Bucky drags the tree inside, propping it against the wall. The air is thick with unknowing, and he stares at her as she stares at the floor.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” His tone is harsher than he meant, cooler, and she fidgets.

“He’s just checking in, stopped by since I’m on the same route to his farm.” She looks up then, takes in the tree, then looks at him. “I think he’s taken over Steve's mantel of worrying about everyone.”

Bucky raises a brow. No, he had taken over Steve's mantel of worrying about her. Only her, the world could go fuck itself once again and as long as she was safe, he’d watch it.

“That's all?”

Her eyes find him, and he hardens his look. She’s nervous, throwing him another smile but he doesn’t waiver.

“Wanda.”

“I don't know what you want me to tell you.” She’s frustrated now, raking her hand through her hair. Takes a few steps, planting herself infront of him. “Please don’t let this ruin christmas.” The pleading in her voice is soft, fearful.

He needs to drop it. For the sake of Christmas, the sake of her sanity. She deserves a break, she deserves to enjoy the holidays.

So he does. They erect the tree together, hanging plastic shiny bulbs from the branches, Wanda wrapping a silky blanket around the ugly-colored base. She puts in premade cinnamon rolls to bake while they string the lights, turning on her radio and flipping it to the channel that plays strictly holiday music from December 1st to the 31st. The sugary smell wafts through the apartment, and they ice them together, devouring them as they watch the Christmas special of I Love Lucy.

They laugh at the bad comedy, kissing between sugary bites, and its wholesome, a simple bliss he’d never had the chance to claim for himself. It’s real happiness.

Cleaning the dishes, they wash their sticky hands and sweep the pine needles, getting momentarily distracted by each other's lips. He dumps the dust pan in the waste bin, watching as she puts away the dishes and she’s thoroughly happy. He’s happy she’s happy.

So when he kisses her goodnight, not staying over because he has an early round of training, he wonders why his heart isn’t settled.

“Thank you for today,” she whispers as she pulls away. “It was…fun.” He grins at her, hands loosely on her butt and he gives her a light squeeze. She pulls away with an eye roll, peeking through the crack in the door as she blows him a kiss.

Bucky tosses all night, before eventually making himself a cup of coffee at two in the morning, settling down in front of his desk top, and types Westview into the search bar.

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Coming back' : new chapter of "Redemption of a Spirit in a Cold War" out !

Chapter Summary :

After evading the CIA team charged to bring her to Adler, Bell decided to take some times to think before going back to fullfill her most important goal......

Words : +3900

To read it on AO3, click here !

------------------------

Well, I'm back on the loose again. I've just spent more than 3 days having every of my moves, speech and choices controlled by multiple CIA teams tasked to lead me to West-Berlin and I was once again free from them. At first, I thought that they will bring me to safety in one of their hideout in the city but I didn't have in mind that it was going to be the same place I was 3 years ago.....well, I should have think of that at the moment when I was given from Belikov to the CIA and when I put my feets inside that plane before I left Moscow.

Since I've killed 2 Perseus agents back in Moscow, it served as a good reason for Belikov that I needed to be extracted very fast but I think that it indeed attract attention from Adler himself since he was the one who wanted me to be brought to him by his team with what I heard from the CIA team I have just disposed of. Hopefully for me and bad for him, he was unaware that he was me, 'Bell' that succeeded to take care of 3 high-trained CIA agents inside one of their cars and get away from the scene before problems happen to me.

Before I left the scene, I decided that it was better to take some of their money with me because the rest of my money I had left from the Soviet Union wasn't going to help me a lot around and also disposing of their guns inside a manhole cover. Once it was done, I left quickly the alley with only one goal : go back at the E9 Safehouse and find Park. But, I couldn't go right now to that place. After what happened, Adler and the others in West-Berlin is going to be alerted that one of their teams got a little problem on their way meaning that I had to lay low for the day.

I needed to go at the safehouse in the start of the evening, awaiting for the right moment and Adler's suspicions to get low too. I knew exactly where the safehouse was located and how I could infiltrate myself inside but first, let's discover what changed in the world in 3 years. Even out of the Soviet Union, I couldn't have any chances to see what was happening in the world in terms of everything so when I was able to buy some meds with the stolen to heal that cut I had on my cheek and some painkillers for my arm still hurting like a rock, I decided to go buy a newspaper and something to eat too.

Once I had bought that newspaper and eat something, I preferred to continue to walk around the city until I could find a perfect place to read it as I didn't want to read it while walking, fearing to enter into someone. I then realized that I was just near the Tiergarten park just at a few hundred meters from the Wall and I decided it was a perfect place to rest and profit from the calm while no one...I hope.....will not disturb in my reading....and maybe also if I either take a nap or having one of my memories back.

I found a empty bench away from the others sight deep inside the park and it was the place for me to settle in for the afternoon before I could go to the safehouse. I sit on the bench and I start to read the news : the Iran-Irak war is still going on in the Middle-East since it started in 1980, there's some disaggrement about the British budget rebate between the European Economic Community and the British Governement leaded by....oh, Margaret Thatcher is still in power....Incredible....I don't know how she is in terms of politics but it's new to see a woman in lead of the United Kingdom.

Then, I could find something talking about what the CIA was saying when I heard them : that foiled operation that happened in Afghanistan leaded by the CIA and the MI6. Apparently, it was saying that it was a complete slaughter for the troops supported by the West and there were only a few survivors that got out. All of these were Perseus work but the newspapers were talking about a Soviet attack, knowing that Perseus prefer to do his dirty work in the shadow.

After that, there were things talking about the releases of movies and some hit songs but nothing so much important that could have helped me know more about what happening in the world. I put the newspaper in my backpack, keeping it in case before I started to realize that I have now nothing to do.....apart from having a rest for the moment or trying to find something about my old life. The second option was better even if I risk to be disturbed by someone else. I installed myself well in the bench and closing my eyes trying to think.....

The first thing I could see when I opened my eyes was seeing me sitting on an bench, looking at the Moskova in Moscow and then, at some fireworks getting shot in the skies above the Kremlin. At my left side on that bench, there were Zasha with me, also looking with me at the fireworks. Our looks in our face was sort of happy but each one of us were like hiding something.

"Happy New Year 1979 !" Zasha said to me with a lazy voice

"A new year for our lifes, great." I told them with the same voice, I pulled one of my arms on the bench top at my right, getting comfortable on it. "Like every year since 4 years, gonna be the same thing we're gonna do each year : decrypting, encrypting, do some missions for Perseus and repeat again." I added, rolling my eyes

"Even you is kinda tired of doing the same thing each day." Zasha looked at me with an raised eyebrow

"Yeah, I would have like something else in my life." I responded to them "I just wanted to be an normal person living an normal life with someone at my side everyday."

"But something is avoiding you to do it." They told me, guessing my next words as I nodded.

"Perseus." I said with an cracked voice.

"I know, it must be hard for you to saw that you didn't have a choice to follow him." They looked at me with an grin on their face before looking away "I need to tell you something about our work."

"Go on, tell me." I said with an smile.

"I....I never wanted to work with Perseus." At hearing this, I looked at them but not in anger, more curious. "I took the job because I had no choice."

"For your brother, Dedov ?" I asked them. They nodded.

"I lost my parents when I was 11 and then 17, leaving me to take care of Dedov on my own. I took the job because I knew that it could help me and Dedov to stabilize our situation." They replied, their voice filled by emotions by saying that.

"I know about Dedov, how did he see the situation ?" I asked a second question. Their grin disappeared to have a sad look.

"Even if the job help me, when I came back each day from work, he can see that work is difficult for me but I'm doing this for him." They responded "If one day, I can help him achieve his dream."

"Which is ?"

"He want to go either to Harvard in the US or to Oxford in England, away from the Soviet Union and Perseus." They said, giving to me a small grin again. But then, I was the one to become sad.

"You know....." I started to said "I never believed in Perseus ideas." At hearing this, Zasha looked at me surprised.

"Really ?" They asked, stunned.

"He maybe raised me as his daughter along with Freya but I was never really behind him, approving each of his decisions." I first respond before taking a breath "Some part of me want to flee too but by staying here, I can help my friends in needs and protect the innocents from his brutality."

"I always thought that you were loyal...." They started to said before I cut them silently,

"Loyal to my goals, not to his ones." I admitted, looking at Zasha "After what happened to me in my early days, I'm doing everything in my power to save the innocents. I'm not an brutal killer, I kill only those who harm my friends." I put my hand on their shoulder "My friends.....is for me, my real family I never had."

"Me ? You saw me like family ?" They said, amazed and I nodded

"Freya, you and my few friends....is my family, Perseus was never a father to me." I then removed my right hand from the bench to put it on my legs.

"Can I say that....I see you like a sister now ?" They asked with a laugh, I nodded.

"You can !" I replied, laughing before with my right hand, I put it inside my pocket to grab something : a envelope. "Something for you." I handed it over to Zasha.

"What's this ?" They took it in their hands before looking at me, discovering the weight of the envelope. "Don't tell me that...." They opened the envelope, discovering moneys in it.

"It's something for you, Zed." I smiled at them "To help you and your brother !" I was surprised when they put their arms around me for a hug but I reciprocated the gesture.

"Thanks you, Yirina !" They said, moved by my actions, tears started to fall on my face and I was happy to help them,

"I'll do everything for my friends !"

I wasn't an monster at all while I was an Perseus agent ! That memory gave me something that helped me feel better as I could feel some tears on my face. I saw my friends as the family I never had and I'm still am. The people I remember in the safehouse were like a second family for me but not everyone of course. I was so helpful to Zasha and their brother I just discovered right now. Right now, I just wanted to hope that they're safe somewhere not in Russia and maybe that Dedov did achieve his dream. However even with that, I was still in needs to find more and to redeem myself more further.

When I opened my eyes back into the real world, I realized that....oh fuck, already ? Did I dream of that memory for hours ? It was already the evening of the day but it was the perfect time for me to get on walk. Before I do that, I decided to write the past two memories in my book I did have today and once it was done, I've got everything packed up again in my backpack and I got up, ready to go to the safehouse....and find Park again if it is possible.

I walked back on my steps, taking the same path I used to get to the park and I even passed the alley where I left the CIA team in that car. I took a quick look at the scene : there were nothing else anymore : no more car and no CIA team as the day has passed very quickly for me, there were still tire brands showing where the car has gone before crashing down on the wall at the end of the alley. Well, it's better to stay on my way as I could recognize some people who was there when they saw me leave that alley earlier.

The night fell on the German city as I was getting close to the safehouse located inside the Grunwald forest at the outskirts of West-Berlin. A perfect place for the CIA to hide but not so perfect.....because I remembered exactly where it was. I walked inside the forest with some things inside my mind : I remember that there were some CIA agents walking around disguised as normal civilians to protect the place and that I needed to watch out for them because it could be anyone.

However, bad luck with them : I could easily pass their little patrols before I arrived behind the safehouse unguarded. The place didn't changed at lot in 3 years but then, I started to hear some noises inside of it, meaning that they were people inside. I needed to get an viewpoint on the inside as I remember that they were a part of the ceilling with windows. I found a pipe which I used to climb on top of the safehouse without making any noises at all....thanks because I thought that the pipe was going to crash on the ground with me on it.

I made it out alive from that pipe as I get discreetly next to the part of the rooftop where I could see in the inside...Yeap, didn't changed at all ! Same desk positions, the dashboard with more things on it. I could discover the CIA team I disposed off wearing bandages and dressings. There were here entirely but in bad shape and then.....I could see him....Russell Adler standing in front of the dashboard, smoking....I was feeling my rage getting up inside my body as his sight. I wanted to act but I need self-control.

"So...." Adler started, looking angry "Three high-trained CIA agents are neutralized by an unknown russian woman in their car and she succeeded to got away !" He wasn't happy at all. "Can you explain to me again how did this happens ?" He looked at Walter

"Like we said to you, sir." Walter firstly said "I saw her unbuckling her seatbelt and then, she nudged me, getting me unconscious before attacking Terry."

"She tried to strangle me as I tried to shoot her." Terry continued after hearing his name "But my gun fired during our struggle and it hit Sawyer in the hand, causing him to crash the car and allowing that girl to get away."

"Do you realize that she stole your guns and your money ?" Adler asked in desesperation "That's the biggest humiliation you can have !" He added, blowing smoke out of his mouth, spreading his arms to the ground "Did you know who was that girl ?"

"Well, we didn't see her face since she was using bandages to cover it." Sawyer said, holding his wounded hand "We tried to saw it while she was asleep but she was very cautious towards us."

"Yeah, the other team tried too but they didn't succeed either to do it." Terry exclaimed as Adler decided to move to get closer to him "Hey, it's not our fault if...." Then, Terry was directly slapped by Adler himself, surprising the others....and me, looking at the scene silently.

"It's your fault that we have now another problem to deal with." Adler poked at Terry, looking at him furiously "Now, we have maybe an Perseus agent in the wild in West-Berlin as we're trying to recover from our operation in Afghanistan." He got back, still looking at his team "You had just one fucking job to do !"

Shit....it was almost the trigger phrase that could have make me passing out in that rooftop but it was close. When I heard this, I cover my ears as I was starting to feel like something ringing in my ears....like a bell. I could feel my face going white from that and I realized that I was able to control myself to not pass out but not my envy to get it done with Adler. I took the M1911 I have hidden under my jacket and somehow, I was going to prepare myself to aim at him, ready to finish him until......

"You pulled quite an stunt today !" An feminine voice could be heard inside the safehouse and I realized that.....Park, it was her. Seeing after all these times.....shit, it was so strange. She had longer hair than before : a ponytail. "Every MI6 agents in the city is talking about what happened !"

"Oh shit, not her !" Terry whispered and I heard him well as Park arrived to get next to Adler.

"I thought it was just routine for you." She said, looking at the team with crossed arms and a smirk on her face

"Miss, we couldn't expect that from her." Sawyer tried to explain with an sorry look "She was very evasive in her answers and we tried to know more about her, we just thought that she didn't wanted to talk because of the shock she got."

"He's right, we only wanted......"

"Wait a minute !" Terry cut Walter straight before leaning from the table he was on "I remember something well from that russian." He pointed at Park "She had an picture of you !" He exclaimed, causing her to step back. Damnit, he remembered my picture !

"Me ?" She said, shocked

"Yes, I'm not fucking blind." Terry replied "She had a perfect picture of you with your stupid smile on it !" He added, showing to her his anger and making me angry too. He moved to face her and Park was clenching her fists.

"Better for you to use another tone with me....dick !" She told him, biting her bottom lip

"Or what ?" He spreaded his arms "You're gonna do what you did to Hank ?" He smirked at her.....Please, Park, do something !......until in only one second, he make the biggest mistake of his life by spreading his legs too...allowing Park to kick him violently in the nuts with her knee....fuck yeah !

"How did you like that, you miserable twat ?" She replied in anger as Terry fall on the ground, holding his private parts with difficulty as his friends arrived to help him

"Ok, that's enough." Adler walked to get between Park and the team, he was rather angry with the team than with Park "You three are coming with me."

"But....."

"There is not but ! " Adler cut Sawyer straight "Help this fool to get up, we're going back to Langley." The two complied and helped Terry get up before walking outside the safehouse, leaving Park and Adler alone. "Can you just control yourself, for sake ?" He asked her

"I'm not someone to have problems with." She responded, still angry

"I know that since years." He added before looking at outside "I will get these fools back to Langley and I will return with Sims, Woods and maybe Mason if it's possible."

"Leaving me in charge of the place ?" Park said and he nodded

"We're back tomorrow night and we will focus on that woman who escaped them." He blew the  smoke of his cigarette away from her "She might be useful for us if we can capture her."

"Then, we have no choice." Park put her hands on her waist before the two walked next to the garage door, Adler stepping outside as she stayed inside. "Have a good flight to the US."

"Goodbye, Park." He told her before walking away from the safehouse, laziness in his voice. Park walked next to the door control panel where she closed the door.

"Bloody hell !" She exclaimed as the door was fully closed before she started to walk back to the same office she had.

At this moment, I withdrawed from the windows to look at the sky. I wasn't believing it at all : I saw Park after 3 longs years spent inside a hospital bed in Moscow. I saw her with my eyes again and she was still looking beautiful but looking more angrier & changed. It was so hard for me right now to see her in that state. I know that she was believing in me but my 'death' did have an effect on her. I can fix that mistake by seeing her but am I really ready for this ?

I just saw Adler in real this time and I was so troubled about what I needed to do right now. I was mixed between seeing Park and getting an revenge on Adler by shooting him. I needed to make the first choice. I didn't came back in that place because I discover that Perseus was still around, making his evil plans but I did all of this because I'm so in love with Park that I needed to see her again, that was the first thing I said when I left that hospital : I will do everything for her.

I let some 5 longs minutes before I decided to get down on the ground level, determined to do what I needed to do. I used the same pipe to get down before I walked to the unguarded back door of the safehouse. When I put my hand on the door handle, I knew that I couldn't go back : I was now back inside the fight against Perseus.....and now back with Park. Without any hesitation, I opened the door silently and I walked inside the safehouse, closing the door behind me.

Park wasn't looking at all, her heads was inside her arms who was on her desk....she....she was crying but she did hear me arrive.

"You forgot something, Adler ?" She said in a broke voice and by hearing that voice, I was overtaken by the emotions and because of it, I fell on my knees in the middle of the safehouse, holding back my owns tears, awaiting for her to look at me but that moment never came, I had to do something.

"I....I'm sorry about everything." I broke the silence, saying a part of the letter she left for me back at that hotel in Moscow. "And....I hope you will be able to forgive.....because right now, you have a big place inside my heart." When I was done, tears started to fall down on my face and at this moment, I could see Park looking at me on my knees, her eyes filled with tears.

"B-Be-Bell ?" She said, looking at me, stunned and.....shocked to me, she got up from her seat, walking slowly.

"I'm sorry....about everything." I looked down, wanting to hide my tears with no effect at all "You have a big place inside my heart." I repeated again before she get on ker knee too in front of me.

"It's.....it's you !" She whispered, tears coming down at her side before putting one of her hands on my right cheek "You're here !" She grinned, filled with emotions before I do the same and put my hand on her left cheek. My arms were shaking at touching her again after 3 years.

"Park....I....." I whispered but I was so much lost in my words, starting to cry. Then, at the same time, we both started to put our arms around each other and we were both crying in each other shoulder.

After 3 years, I was now back with Park again.....back in her arms and she was back in mine. I thought that it was just a big dream but everything was so real for me. It was real, she was really there, hugging me and we were very close to each other. I was happy and so troubled after all these times. It's been 6 days since I was now back alive and what I wanted to do first was done : I was back with Park again ! We were so shocked to see each other and we were so relieved to see each other again.

"I....came....back !"

[phoenixplume117]

1994 AD

Mirai combed every inch of the temple… that she could.  There had been a lot of damage but so far all she'd been able to find was one miraculous, the peacock.  She was not thrilled when she'd found that one and refused to open it again.  The kwami had a flair for the over-dramatic and was whining about what he'd done to the temple and she just was not in the mood to deal with it. She'd tried to tell him it wasn't his fault but he wouldn't listen to her.  Eventually, she ended up putting him back in his box. Then, hid the box in the pillar next to her "bed".  

Every morning she would wake up, wash and gather snow to melt for the day.  Then she'd come back and make her way west, clearing the temple to the best of her ability.  

Last night she realized the pillars in the hall she made her home were some kind of retreat for the kwamis.  There were 25 pillars but the box she'd been the guardian of had only had 20 kwamis. She looked carefully and realized that some boxes must have had more kwamis in them.  Finally, she let Duusu go but she couldn't understand anything he said while he sobbed so she just stroked him until he calmed down.  

"If I leave you out are you going to be safe?" Mirai asked him.

Duusu looked around not quite sure if she was asking him, "Me?"

Mirai nodded, "yes, you. There is no one else here."

"Can I come with you?"

She would prefer if he didn't but, replied, "I suppose."

Together they made their way down some stairs she'd found the day before and she began clearing rubble away.  Every day for the past two weeks she’d done the same. She carried the rubble to a room that was destroyed but seemed safe enough to walk in.  So far she had become very well versed in old Madonna (or was it young Madonna?) as that CD was playing on her CD player as she walked back and forth with her bucket.  

“Mirai?”

“Hm?” she said, dumping the bucket into the empty room and walking back.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m a guardian-”

“A guardian! Why didn’t you say anything!” Duusu yelled flying around her. 

“I did.  I don't think you've heard anything I've said to you until now,” she told him patiently.

Duusu tried to see her logic but couldn’t, “so what are you doing?”

“I’m looking for…” she really didn’t want to use the term ‘survivors’ after all that would remind Duusu all his friends were gone because of Master Fu using his powers.  Which was what he had spent all the previous night crying about. She cleared her throat, “anything that needs a guardian to guard it,” she came up with.

Duusu looked at her rather dubiously then shot directly through all the rubble she was clearing.

Mirai looked at the boulders she’d never clear alone and frowned.  She could use Duusu, but look where that had gotten Master Fu, and Duusu didn’t seem like he was ready to be utilized after that experience.  She let out a huff of breath puffing her bangs out of her eyes. Why hadn’t she packed scissors?

“Miraaaaaaai!” Duusu yelled from the other side of the boulder.

“Shh!”  Mirai responded, “I don't know if loud noises could make this place collapse or not!

“Oh!” Duusu spoke in a ridiculously loud stage whisper, then he came back through the boulders, “I can look for you so you don’t have to hurt yourself.”

Mirai wanted to rest but she needed to focus on the task at hand, “I’m fine, but I think that’s a really great idea, Duusu.  If you scout ahead it would save a lot of time.”

“Or you could just make an amok to clear the rubble away.”

[[more]]

Mirai shook her head.  No. She would not become Mayura, she would not become Nathalie.  She was Mirai Chime, that was all. Using Duusu was a bad idea, "I don't think that's a good idea, especially after what you've been through Duusu.  This way is better."

༻࿊༺

The next day when she had yet to clear even one-third of the path she decided maybe she had been hasty in telling Duusu no.  He was quite companionable, friendly and helpful.

Seeing Mirai's hair sticking to her forehead with sweat Duusu slipped back through the rubble down a corridor then through more rubble where he found the library.  

Although "library" was perhaps a generous term.  The books were all the same, a textbook of recipes and forms for powers.  Rules for raising effective guardians and psychologically "sound heroes. The pseudo-library also didn't have many books but what was most exciting was on the small table next to a long-ago forgotten teacup was a box from a miraculous set.  It looked like it belonged to Duusu's set. He desperately wanted to know who was in there but he couldn't fly through. It looked like wood but it was actually something else, a magical material that with words could even change its shape. Unfortunately one of its magical properties was kwamis could not pass through it.  Duusu blew a raspberry at the box, flared his tail and shook it at the unhelpful box then flew back to Mirai deciding whether he should tell her what he'd found… or not.

༻࿊༺

Mirai wiped her head as she hauled another bucket full of stones to the spare room.  Her triceps felt like they were on fire, in all the years as Ladybug she'd gotten full-body exercise but her arms and abs had always done the hardest work, but for some reason, this seemed so much heavier and harder than carrying people ever had.

"It's muscle exhaustion," she said out loud, "you're just tired, push through it, you'll get to the euphoria stage."

She dumped the stones and rocks and realized she'd been speaking out loud and groaned. "Great, now I'm talking to myself.  Am I going crazy? No, everyone talks to themselves, I think it's healthy, yeah. It's probably time for a break anyway," Mirai reasoned, walking back with her bucket.  

"Duusu?" She said softly when she got back to the large pile of rubble she'd been working on.  A frigid draft ran through the hall chilling Mirai, she rubbed her arms for warmth, "Duusu, I'm going back, it's getting cold, I'm going to start making lunch,” she called again and headed back to what she had begun to convince herself was her apartment.  The large room was warm from the huge fires. Thankfully the room was built in a way that made it safe to leave them unwatched. She set about making soup, she really missed Maman’s cooking and Papa’s bread. She heard her sniffing echo in the room and coughed to cover it up.  She wasn’t going to do it, she told herself, she was not giving in to self-pity. 

“Mirai!” Duusu said a few minutes later after the soup had begun boiling.

“Hmm?” she said.

“I found another box!”

Mirai stirred the soup and carefully took the pot off the fire then turned to him with a smile.  She’d been right, she was meant to stay, she was not going to be Nathalie, she would not be part of Hawk Moth terrorizing Paris for nearly 10 years, “Where?  Who is it? How many are in it?”

Duusu smiled, glad he’d told her, “On the other side of the rubble you’re using, there is a hall then, more rubble then, a library.  That’s where the box is.”

Mirai’s smile faded, “Oh, well, we’ll get there,” then she brightened, “Do you know how many are in it?”

Duusu looked confused, “It’s just a box, not a case,” then his lower lip began to tremble, “All the cases were destroyed.”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay now, don’t cry, Duusu, look you found someone, a friend!”

Duusu looked at her with huge tear-filled eyes and nodded.

“Alright?”

Duusu nodded.

“Okay, so who’s in the box?”

Duusu blinked away his tears, “I don’t know.”

Without thinking, Mirai spoke, “Then how do you know it isn’t empty?”

Duusu looked at her as if the idea had never occurred to him and as that idea worked its way through his mind she realized her mistake before his eyes filled with tears and the saddest words poured from his mouth.

“I killed them all!”

Mirai gasped, pulled the kwami to her chest and rocked him shushing him.  “Shh, shh, come on, we’ll eat later, let’s go check the box okay?” but Duusu was miserably inconsolable and deeply committed to his emotions.  Mirai sighed and stood up carrying the sad kwami she walked over to her pallet. She reached under the pillar for the box she’d hidden and pulled out the peacock brooch and pinned it with some difficulty to her Starter jacket and simply called out, “Duusu, Transform Me.”  She looked down at the little kwami before he was swept away to power his amulet, his face looked delighted and it helped her own feelings of doom. She sighed in relief, then giggled, then began laughing happily somehow she registered as an adult because it was December the Miraculous must consider her 18 she assumed.  She'd learned about this when she'd studied. She didn't have a 5-minute limiter. Or a basic super-suit, as she or her team had worn when she'd been Ladybug. In her hand was the feathered fan she’d need to create the amok to clear the way. She walked toward the rubble she’d been working on for the better part of the week and picked up a small but distinct piece of stone, then pulled a feather from her fan and began creating an amok that would be able to easily clear the rubble, she added a few features, like lights and a stabilizing pole in case the roof caved while it was clearing, then began clearing the rubble quickly.  The huge pile was cleared in less than an hour but like Duusu had said there was another huge pile of rubble before they got to the library. It took two hours for everything to be cleared. Mirai figured if she had done the work without using Duusu’s amok it would have taken a month to get to this room. She wondered what time it was, she didn’t know how to work the fan the way she used to work her yoyo. She looked around the library and picked up the box on the table and turned to go back to her room, even though transformed she was getting cold. Once in her room, she detransformed.  

Duusu looked at her then to the box in her hand.  “You did it!”

She smiled and said what he needed to hear, “I couldn’t have done it without you.  You did a lot of the work and your sentimonster moved all the rubble.”

“Sentimonster?”

"Avatar?" She remembered she'd seen that word on Duusu's page when Master Fu had been her teacher.

Duusu smiled understanding, "Really?"

Mirai put the small pot back on the fire then with Duusu floating at her shoulder she walked over to where she kept most of her gear.  She sat down and opened the box and felt her heart fall when she saw the purple stone with four beautiful wings resting on the red fabric.  Then suddenly Nooroo manifested.

"Master Liu?" he looked around confused, seeing Duusu he turned to him for answers, "Duusu, what happened?  Where is everyone? Who is she?"

Mirai felt near tears, everything was falling perfectly into place against her will.  "Duusu, I'm going to go to sleep okay?" Mirai said and took the pot off the fire and went to bed without changing or eating, only removing her boots.

Duusu looked at the girl confused, "Okay."  Then turned to his friend and hugged him, "Nooroo!  You're alive!"

Nooroo narrowed his eyes, "of course I'm alive, what's going on?"

Duusuu threw himself at his old friend and burst into noisy tears and explained that a new guardian had found him and together the two friends talked.

Mirai turned away from the duo and felt hot tears slide across her nose, cheek and into her hair.  How could she fall so low? From Paris' Hero to Paris' Nemesis she almost laughed hysterically. It was like Chloe used to say, ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous!  She looked at her Baby-G December 24. She hoped Marinette realized how lucky she was, suddenly Mirai missed her parents and the idea of not being home for Christmas was unbearable.  She cried herself into a miserable fitful sleep, not for the first time in the past 2 weeks.

༻࿊༺

The next morning she woke up and skipped all her regular chores and instead took a bowl meant to hold a small fire and went back to the library.  Once there she looked at the books. They seemed to all be the same, well sort of, They contained multiple copies of the M. Agreste's book, but it looked like there were multiple copies of books about the other miraculous boxes.  She wanted so badly to look at them but she couldn't. She knew she would end up Mayura and the information between the covers of those books was too precious. As a guardian, she would not read it. Her job was to protect miraculouses and kwamis, and she would do it.  She left the room. She dropped off the little coal holder and picked up her bucket and started her morning errands and ablutions. She met Nooroo, he was a polite butterfly who was missing the guardian he usually worked with. The three of them ate breakfast and enjoyed a conversation about earth animals' similarities to kwamis.  She went outside and cut more wood, she'd had a horrible realization earlier. She was a guardian, Master Fu might not have been able to train her completely and the once the monks had tried to take her miracle box she'd escaped and never went back and had to figure things out on her own but that didn't change the fact. She was a  guardian. One of the most important parts of being a guardian was their willingness to sacrifice. She chopped at the wood, everything seemed harder without her miraculous, she would not touch her ears, she thought to herself.  She brought the hatchet down forcefully.

Breathing roughly through her nose, forcing herself to look ahead and not feel anything she took the wood past the room she slept in and into the library and piled it overfilling it into the five fire pits.

She walked back to her room and shrugged out of her coat and picked up a notebook and pen. Then walked over to the cook fire and picked up the bowl and using tongs placed as many coals into it that would fit safely.  Then walked to the library. 

She swallowed, she needed to do this.  She took a pair of tong hanging over the fireplace amazed they hadn't been disturbed from when Feast had torn through, then again, this whole library seemed to have been saved.  With tongs in hand, she placed a few coals in all of the fireplaces in the room. Then she took a steadying breath. In, out, in, out, she thought to herself. She couldn't do this.  Her heart was racing, and she felt bile in the back of her throat. She put down the small fire and ran to the corner and threw up over the woodpile there avoiding the smoldering coal.  She wiped her mouth but heard gasping and crying and knew it was her. She'd come here to be a guardian. She needed to do this. If she was going to become a villain she needed to do this to protect these books from herself and M. Agreste. They could not have so much knowledge.  With a sob, she went to the bookshelf furthest from the information about the miracle box containing the Ladybug and Black Cat and took a book and held it over the flames but as it's leather began to dry and crack she let out a sob and threw it across the room. She couldn't, she just didn't have the strength to do it.  She sobbed running from the room.

Before she entered the room she shared with the kwamis she wiped her face and tried to calm her nerves.  She would do it in the morning.

That night she woke, smelling the delicious barbeque her father made when they went to the beach.  It took her a moment to realize what she was really smelling was the library burning, the books had been covered in yak skin and they were burning.

She bolted up, "Duusu! Transform Me!"

Duusu flew over quickly, "I can't! You're not wearing my pin!"

"Shit! Where is it?" Mirai thrust her hand into the space under the pillar and grabbed the plumed brooch and stuck in onto her shirt, "Duusu transform me now!" she said picking up the closest thing to her and as soon as her fan appeared in her hand she plucked a feather from it and began creating an avatar to rescue the books, she'd been stupid, it was a bad choice, what had she been-

"Mirai?  If there's a fire you need something that will cause the tunnel to collapse so it doesn't come this way."

Mirai listened to him and gave the avatar a huge scoop as well as the agile human hand, it was a rushed job and she hoped it would be able to make it easily over the terrain then she realized she'd need to go with it.  She urged it over the stone path she shouldn't have made it so industrial it was slow-moving, finally, they reached the library, it was an inferno. She sent the avatar to the bookshelf containing Duusu and Nooroo's information and ran back out of the room then told it to come out.  She took the book from it then ran back to her room after giving instructions on how to collapse the ceiling. With Nooroo at her side, they waited and waited and waited until the heat no longer carried their way. She looked at her watch, it was 8:38. She called the amok back and released her transformation and held Duusu close in tears.

"I'm sure this is the place, Emilie," came a male voice down the corridor.

"Hide!" Mirai said to Duusu and Nooroo.  "And don't come out of your Miraculous until I tell you," She quickly ripped the brooch from her shirt and thrust it into the flannel's chest pocket.

"Shh!" replied a feminine voice, "I swear I heard something."

Mirai was shaking, there was no point in hiding, the entire room was obviously occupied.  

"Oh, la, la!  Gabriel! Look what we have here, a squatter, can you imagine?  In a cave?" Emilie giggled seeing the room.

Gabriel looked around, it actually looked pretty nice.  Private. A place where people would leave him alone. "It's a temple, Emie, you should be a little more respectful," he said gently.

She's here. Argus warned

Gabriel stopped and grabbed Emilie's arm to prevent her from going further. Who? He replied.

"Gabriel!  It's just a girl!" Emilie brushed off his hand irritated with his correcting her and ran to Mirai.

Remember what I said about women Gabriel, Argus warned, they can be dangerous when they're scared. I should probably warn him about jealousy, Argus thought to himself.

Gabriel knew women could be warriors he wasn't a fool, but this girl obviously wasn't then he saw soot on clothes.  He ran over to her when he noticed her hands were burned. "She's hurt, Emilie, get your first aid kit."

Emilie rushed to get the kit out.

Gabriel gently took the girl's hands, but she jerked them away with a hiss of pain.

Careful Gabriele!

I am!  Can't you do something?

One, she's not wearing me and two, she's already hurt.

Gabriel took her hands surprised that the girl really wasn't a child, she was actually older than Emilie had been when they'd met, but she seemed so small, "I know you can't understand me but I'm trying to help you."

Mirai looked up at him then jerked back at what she saw.  He was so young, his hair was shaved in the popular bowl cut of the 90's, and he looked so worried about her, and… kind.  This wasn't Adrien's mean father, and he definitely was not Hawk Moth, he was so warm, she felt her face warm and she looked away as her heart pounded and she stuttered out a response, "I understand you."

He smiled, not that she saw it, "Your French is very good."

Emilie was suddenly at his side, "Oh, darling, you must be in such pain.  Gabriel, ask her if she's in pain."

"She speaks French," he replied.

Emilie looked at the girl curiously, "Oh?"

"Yes."

"They teach that here?"

"I don't know I'm French," Mirai replied

"How fortunate, we are too!" Emilie said as Gabriel gently applied a salve to Mirai's hands.

Gabriel leaned into Mirai's visual field making her turn red.  "What's your name Petite Flamme?" he teased.

Suddenly all the pieces fell together in a puzzle with the perfect fit. It gave answers to questions that hadn't made sense before.  Mirai knew then everything she'd known about Nathalie Sancoeur was true, and everything she'd learned about her future was too.  

It was Christmas, her hands were burned, and now that all the adrenaline had worn off immense pain was starting to set in, she felt her eyes fill, she just wanted to go home, to her city of lights. She suddenly realized why Nathalie's name was "Heartless".  It wasn't chosen because she didn't have one, she chose it because he had it.  Gabriel Agreste had her heart but his heart belonged to his wife, so Nathalie had none.  She was indeed heartless but still filled with love.

How could she be in love with him?  It was beyond ridiculous. But there was no denying it any longer, 

"I'm Nathalie, uh, Nathalie Sancoeur."

༻࿊༺

Fin

[palabasa]

finally set up tachiyomi on my new phone. took me like 3-5 hours total starting from making a library backup from my old phone, porting it into the new one, then realizing it didn't move over any of my downloaded chapters and manually moving THOSE over too. it was such a chonky bunch of files too - i think the zip file of it all was around 16-17 gb?? and all the little miscellaneous stuff like setting up extensions, fixing the app settings, etc.

now i've spent the past...maybe two hours? organizing all my comics and adding them onto mangaupdates, cause i just realized it can track them through tachiyomi. this is such a time sink orz