#I JUST GOT MINE YESTERDAY AND I'M SUPER EXCITED TO PUT MINE TOGETHER TOO

[eirenical]

OP, I hope you don't mind if I add on to your post, but I feel like this will be relevant to your interests. ^_^

In addition to the Lotus Tower model, I also got the wall scroll of Li Xiangyi from Baichuan Court. And it ALSO had a letter, this one with "Li Xiangyi" on the envelope...

Transliteration and OCR app translation behind the cut, but as OP said, if anyone wants to take a real go at it, feel free. ^_^

And now excuse me while I go cry in a corner. 😭

所以,李相夷的遺憾到底是什麼呢? 是英雄一朝拔劍起,生死邊緣十年劫 是他回不去的年少江湖 還有收不回的輕狂自負 是舊緣放不下,再度相逢隔天涯 是淚眼故作瀟灑,放手紅顔另嫁 是從前摯友言天地,人人憶他還負他 是年少仗劍三千里,江湖再不見風華 是他走遍市井無人問,處處全 頌他聲 是一眼望盡的命運既定 是五感盡喪的前路無影 是劍猶在,人難回,意氣劍仙終低眉 終是人間留不住 少年以身還江湖 去去重去去,來時是來時 逢君一程,我命之幸 前路坎坷,君自珍重

So, what exactly is Li Xiangyi’s regret? Once a hero draws his sword, he is on the verge of life and death for ten years. It’s the youthful world he can’t go back to There is also an irrevocable arrogance It’s because we can’t let go of the old relationship, we meet again across the world It’s the tearful eyes that pretend to be free and unrestrained, let go of the beauty and marry another It is a former best friend who speaks to heaven and earth. Everyone remembers him and still betrays him. It is a young man who has wielded a sword for three thousand miles, and the world has never seen its splendor again. It is he who walks through the streets and no one asks him, and everywhere he is praised It's a destiny that is determined at a glance It’s a loss of all five senses, with no way forward The sword is still there, it is difficult for people to return, the spirit of the sword fairy will finally lower his eyebrows In the end, the world cannot keep it The young man returns his life to the world Go and go again, the time comes is the time it comes I am lucky to have a ride with you The road ahead is bumpy, so take care of yourself

Also, is everyone else seeing how VERY Feihua this is or is that just me? TT^TT

My Lotus Tower model kit arrived, and I am ridiculously excited! I haven’t started assembling it yet, but I wanted to share some of the other goodies that came with it!

First, adorable mini figures of the lotus trio!

It also includes a booklet that has the Yangzhouman instructions Li Lianhua left for Fang Duobing!

I’m also very intrigued by this letter that was included (in an envelope with Li Lianhua written on it), that seems to be about what happened to Li Lianhua and to maybe say something about his future? (My knowledge of Chinese characters is not nearly advanced enough for me to read this, and I have my doubts about how well Google Translate worked on the image.)

Here it is, in case anyone wants to translate it!

I’ll post images of the model itself once I start assembling it, but it needs to wait for another night when I have the energy to try to translate the instructions (at least there are images and not nearly as much text)!

(Tagging @dramaloverrants who wanted to see some images.)

[umlewis]

lewis hamilton is interviewed during the drivers parade, bahrain - march 2, 2024 (transcript under the cut)

Interviewer: "Lewis, it's great to see Mercedes this year with a car that hopefully you can kind of attack and move forward. I know that you're maybe not too far up the grid or where you'd like to be, but are you excited about the prospects of what you can achieve from ninth today?" Lewis: "Yeah. Let me pull you up on something. You rated me pretty low on the predictions. No, I'm messing with you." [laughs] Interviewer: [laughs] Lewis: "Just putting you on the spot. [laughs] You should see his face." Journalist: [laughs] Lewis: "Yeah, firstly I'm really proud of the team and everyone back at the factory. It's been a tough winter for everyone, as always, just working diligently to put this car together, to make up for the mistakes that have been made with the previous cars, and so to arrive here with a car that we can attack and we can really make some progress with, I'm really, really happy and proud of everyone. So it was great to see George did such a great lap yesterday. Mine sucked, but that happens sometimes, and yeah, I'm just excited for the season. For us to be this close… We've got work to do, we've got improvements we need to make, but I think we can eek closer. We can chase Red Bulls this year. We're in a distance of chasing them, as opposed to before, we're too far away." Interviewer: "Yeah, that must be super exciting. And I guess if your lap sucked yesterday and you were still in ninth, it must give you a lot of hope that when you get everything right and the team keeps making progress…" Lewis: "Definitely." Interviewer: "Can really go for podiums and wins, hopefully, this year." Lewis: "Yeah, podiums definitely will be the target. I think George should hopefully get on the podium today; that would be great for the team. I'll try and back him up as much as I can, and then, yeah, I'm just really excited about the future development. We've got a North Star now and we know where we need to go." Interviewer: "Great stuff, Lewis. Well, good luck today, and I'm sure you'll outscore my predictions. What do I know." Lewis: [laughs] "I appreciate it." Interviewer: "Cheers. Thanks, Lewis."

[f1stan]

We are friends

Part 2 - the story is now set back in Brazil

Eva tried to go back to sleep that night, she was tossing and turning, she couldn't believe her new housemate has just seen her naked. This will be a story Ashton enjoys she thought, maybe it's not worth telling him about this mishap.

She felt too anxious and embarrassed to face all of her friends and Lewis so she decided that first thing before anyone was up she was going to head into the city and meet some friends that she'd made here over the years.

She text Chloe jenny and Ella to see if they were up for it, she figured the boys wouldn't want to spend some time with Lewis so didn't bother to invite them. Only Ella replied saying she was up for going, the rest thought they'd had too much to drink and the day was going to be full of doing nothing. That's fair enough.

She woke up at 6:30, well I say she woke up, but she hadn't slept that night. She got showered and got dressed, she checked the weather and it was going to be a super hot day, so she decided on a bralet and some biker shorts from Alo. She paired it with a whole lot of jewellery necklaces rings bracelets anything you could think of, she let her long her flow with its natural waves but made sure she had a claw clip on it her for when it started getting too much and needed to be tamed. She then grabbed a crochet beach cover up over her bralet, so you could still see everything but it just made the outfit slightly more fashionable before she headed out of the door with Ella.

As soon as they got in the car, Ella had a smirk on her face, like she was bursting to ask question.

'Go ahead, ask what you need' Ella let out a squeak excited that Ewa has given her the go ahead to ask all the questions.

'The Lewis Hamilton has seen you naked how does that make you feel?! Girls would dream about this including me!' Ella let out, 'what do you mean I don't even know the guy'. Ella looked at her and raised her eyebrows 'you seriously have no idea who he is?' She asked, Eva shrugged her shoulders and said nothing. 'Maybe that's a good thing'.

Just then Ella got a phone call, it was the group chat ringing, Eva thought it was strange since they were all together in the house so why would you ring as a group. Ella answered the call.

'Ella?' An unfamiliar voice said.

'are you with Eva?'

'Yeah, we're on our way to the city what's up?' She answered she clearly recognised the voice, and since Eva didn't she figured it could only be Lewis, but why on earth is he asking about her?!

'Put me on speaker please' little did he know he already was on speaker, Ella figured it would be something about Eva so she let her listen in. 'I'm sorry if I startled you yesterday, I know Chloe had sweets and she told me to go to her room so I could satisfy my sweet tooth, I didn't think you were awake. And before you ask I seen nothing! The guys have told me you think I seen you naked but it was dark I didn't see anything!'

'Okay no problem' Eva replied, not really sure what to say to him, Ella then said her good byes and told him we'd be back for dinner then hung up.

'See you're paranoid about nothing he didn't even see you! Anyway carrying on with our conversation, what did you think of him? You know he's single right?' Ella wiggled her eyebrows.

'I didn't really see him it was dark' Eva said cowering her head.

'All this running away and you didn't even see him?! Why would he have seen you if you didn't see him?!'

'Ella, I could see his pecks, surely he could also see mine. Besides Ella, I know it may be easier for you to act like he doesn't exist but I have a boyfriend' Eva face palmed. And that was the end of the conversation as they pulled up to a coffee shop ready to meet with their Brazilian friends.

They'd met up and all decided to go to the beach, there were some old faces which they knew from their previous vacations and some new.

Ella decided it would be fun to tell everyone the story about me and Lewis bumping into each other last night, to which they were all laughing so hard they could barely catch a breath. It seemed as thought they all also knew Lewis, they knew exactly who she was talking about straight away.

That's when Juliana asked about my boyfriend, slightly awkward bearing in mind that we had just spoke about how someone seen me naked. I told her about Ashton we actually met in Brazil the year before and started dating in October, I then up and left France and moved to England in March. We moved really quick yes, but there was nothing I was more sure of than me and him.

'Oh yes, Ashton, Man City player? I know him! Yeah I think he seen me naked a few times too!' She said laughing. Strange thing to say to his girlfriend but I ignored it, I came here to relax not to get into it with people I've only just met.

Soon enough me and Ella were on the way back to the house, ‚Juliana and Lewis were dating not long ago, neither of them actually confirmed it to anyone but we all knew it. It was insensitive of me to mention the situation in front of her, and that's probably why she mentioned Ashton, I'm sorry' Ella said her head hanging low like she was ashamed of herself.

‚hey, don't worry about it. It's not a big deal I wasn't with Ashton at the time and honestly it doesn't bother me anymore I see him pictured with a new girl every week' she sighed and flashed a defeated smile at her friend.

Ella felt sad for Eva, she could see she was hurting and the fact that she's now said she's used to it is heartbreaking. She has now made it her mission to have this vacation all about Eva and her being happy, starting with getting it through to her that she needs to leave Ashton.

[sirenascales]

-> double black [part two] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

A failed friend date turns into a day of fun and laughs with a rather odd coworker. [Dazai x 1stPOV!F!Reader]

3,274 words

Warning: suicide ideation (like, it's Dazai, c'mon now.)

note: I'm glad some of ya'll seemed to enjoy chuuya's chapter! I decided to just upload Dazai's and then we can move on to the story. Please enjoy! Tags in the replies.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || masterlist

"Keiko-- Keiko, it's two PM!" I said into the phone, sending an apologetic look to my coworkers. "And I'm at work. You can't be calling me, especially when you're drunk so early in the day."

"Uggghhhh, you're so mean!" I sighed softly at Keiko's response, the office phone on my desk beginning to ring.

"Keiko, I have to go now, I'm sorry! Call Taichi and tell him to bring you home."

"Wait-"

I ended the call, rubbing my eyebrows as I picked up the other phone. "Armed Detective Agency, how may I help you?"

It's been around three months since I've started working at the Agency, and I have to say, it was a pretty great job. It paid well, kept me on my toes with the many different cases we took on, and my coworkers were great... despite how weird they were.

"That's like the seventh time your friend called you this week," Ranpo spoke up from his desk, the man literally surrounded by snack wrappers.

I sighed deeply, rubbing my eyebrows. "I know, I'm sorry everyone. She's not usually like this... I know she likes to drink, but... never to this extent."

"Maybe there is something going on?" the cute Atsushi suggested and I frowned. "Maybe you can try to find out?"

"It wouldn’t be wise to just push yourself into someone's private life like that," Kunikida added and I nodded in agreement.

Of course I couldn't. Not with who her boyfriend was. I was her best friend, but even I knew not to step in. "Besides, she always says she's okay when I ask..." I said thoughtfully, too distracted to continue my work. I could believe her, right? Besides, she had Taichi. He loved her, and always made sure that she was protected and taken care of. He always made sure to be around her when he wasn't away, keeping her to his side at all times. I thought maybe he was being a bit too protective, but I also understood because of his... profession.

"Alright, alright, we have a schedule, people. Let's not get too distracted here," Kunikida exclaimed and I laughed softly. The only one with a schedule was the super punctual man himself, but I still went on to do my work.

"Speaking of work..." I started, unimpressed as I Iooked to the empty desk across the office. "Where the hell is Dazai?"

Atsushi just hung his head and sighed, Kunikida gritting his teeth at his desk. "I tried calling him but he wouldn't pick up," Atsushi sighed again and I huffed, standing up from my desk. "I'll take my 30 now. I'll be in the cafe and I'll try to get Dazai to bring his scrawny ass to work."

The Agency was on the fourth floor of the building while the cafe was down on the first, very convenient for me. I was lazy and the coffee and food was good. I dialed up Dazai's number as I descended the four flights of stairs, pressing my phone to my ear.

At the top of one flight, I stopped when I heard a familiar ring tone blare out, and when I looked down to the bottom of the stairs, I saw the man of the hour. His brown hair was wavy as ever, his signature tanned jacket looking immaculate. I watched as he just looked at his phone, watching it ring before he put his phone in his pocket.

I hated him. "So you were just gonna ignore me?!" I shouted down the stairs. Dazai whipped his head up, eyes going comically wide.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, practically running up the stairs right towards me. I gasped and back away quickly, back hitting the wall as Dazai caged me between his bandaged arms. His forehead pressed against mine and I will my face not to burn as he looked at me with those pretty brown eyes of his. "I missed you."

My heart skipped a beat, my mouth going dry. Still, I glared up at the man. "We just saw each other yesterday," I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore the feeling of his soft breath against my face. I was thankful my voice didn't crack. "And you have plenty of paperwork to do still on your desk."

"Ehhh, I'm tired and I'm busy," Dazai nonchalantly waved that off, now standing away from me and waving his hand dismissively. "Got better things to do."

I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Yeah? Like what?"

With that, Dazai took my hands in his, a hopeful look on his face. Here we go again. "Double suicide."

"No." I immediately declined him. "My answer is still the same as it was last week."

Dazai visibly deflated, covering his eyes dramatically. "Sweet death... she evades me yet again..."

"Yeah," I deadpanned, brushing past Dazai and heading down the stairs. "Anyway. I'm heading to the cafe to get something to eat."

"Oh!" Dazai exclaimed, hooking my arm with his as he quickly came up to my side. "I'll go with you!"

"You have work to do!" I yelled at him, trying to push him back up the stairs. "Go before Kunikida has an aneurysm."

"But I don't wanna!" Dazai whined, quickly turning the tables on me. Now he was behind me, his arms wrapped around me and pinning my arms to my chest. I felt his breath against my left ear and I shivered deeply. "I wanna spend time with you..." he whispered softly, his voice dropping. I bit my bottom lip, looking over at him over my shoulder. I shivered again, the usual brightness in his eyes gone. I've only seen that look on his face a handful of times, and it never failed to make me feel completely on edge. Like I was in danger.

I liked it.

"Ugh," I sneered, rolling my eyes and shaking myself out of his arms. "Fine, fine. I'll treat today, okay?"

"Yay!" Dazai's jovial nature returned as he followed me to the cafe. I shake my head at the strange duality of the man. We sat across from each other, the redheaded waitress named Lucy that obviously had a crush on Atsushi giving us some menus.

As I looked over the menu, I looked over at Dazai, the man humming as he mulled over his choices. I bit the inside of my cheek, just feeling that maybe there was more to Dazai than he let on.

The weekend soon arrived and I was in a bit of a sour mood. I was at the boardwalk, sitting on an empty bench after getting off the phone with Keiko. We were supposed to spend the day together, but she had called me thirty-minutes late, all of a sudden saying that she couldn't make it.

Her tone of voice worried me, she sounded rushed and breathless, totally unlike her. "I'm okay. I'm sorry for flaking out so suddenly," she said before she ended the call. I blinked at the screen, a bit put off by the entire thing. Just what was up with her?

Though I couldn't dwell on it, for there was a presence behind me. "Well, well, look what we have here," a teasing voice whispered into my ear before blowing into it. I shrieked, jumping off the bench before spinning around.

"Dazai!" I hissed at the laughing man standing on the other side of the bench. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"Bet it got your heart pumping, huh," Dazai hummed happily, skipping around the bench and right over to me. "Bella, I missed you~" he hugged me tightly in his arms. I sighed deeply, half-heartedly wrapping my arms around him in return and giving him a pat on the back.

"We saw each other yesterday."

"Eighteen hours is too long, bella."

I rolled my eyes, pulling away from the huge and giving Dazai a look. "You're so dramatic, dude," I say with a laugh, shaking my head. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmm, well I thought this would be a great place to think about how to commit suicide," Dazai began and I gave him another look. "But, I saw my bella looking so sad and lonely! I just had to rush to comfort her!"

Dazai hugged me again, squeezing me tight. I let out a struggling breath, writhing a bit in his hold. "You're killing me!"

"Oh! Let's commit do-"

"No, oh my God!"

I turned and stormed away from the suicidal man, shaking my head when I heard him call out for me. "Bella, wait!" He latched onto my arm, pressing his cheek against mine. "Tell me what's wrong. I am your trusted friend and coworker~"

"More like trusted pain in my ass," I mumbled before sighing, walking over to the boardwalk railing and staring out into the ocean. "It's Keiko. She was supposed to be with me today, but she just called and canceled..." I frowned deeply, eyebrows pinched in worry.

"What else did she say?" Dazai asked quietly, having gone serious once he saw the look in my face. "How did she seem?"

"Off..." I answered immediately before I looked over at my companion. "Or am I just imagining things? Yeah, I'm disappointed she flaked out but...." I hung my head. "I don't know..."

"Well, it could be nothing," Dazai suggested. "Or it could be something. There's no way for you to know."

I made a face at his vague ass answer before sighing again. "I can only trust her. She was the first friend I made when I moved to Japan, and I was excited to see her today. I've been having a rough time lately."

"Is something bothering you?" Dazai asked, and I shivered feeling his gaze on me.

"Eh... just depressed," I answered offhandedly. "Lonely. Normal sad girl shit, ya know."

That made Dazai snicker under his breath. "Yeah, I know. But luckily for you," Dazai started, arm draping around my shoulders and pulling me to him. "I'm here to save the day!"

I couldn't help it, I laughed before I wrapped my arm around his middle, letting him hold me against him. "You'll hang out with me today?"

Dazai grinned. "It would be my pleasure."

Time flew by so quickly, that I was surprised to look at my phone and see that it was damn near seven in the evening. Gaping, I looked up, seeing that the sky was slowly turning dark. "Holy crap, Dazai. Did we really spend the whole day out here?" I asked in shock, looking over at him. "What the hell did we do?!"

"What didn't we do," Dazai whined, slumping against me. "I'm tired... and you still wanna ride the stupid ferris wheel!"

"It's not stupid," I said with a pout. "Besides... we're already in line."

"Meh," Dazai grumbled, still keeping his body pressed against me as we waited in line. He was behind me, his chin pressed on my shoulder. I tried not to shiver as I felt his breath along my neck.

Soon enough, we were in our carriage and slowly riding up to the top. I took a few pictures as we did so, Dazai looking over in amazement.

"You think the drop from up here would kill me?"

"Yeah, and would scar everyone here."

"Oh yeah... can't have that."

I rolled my eyes, glancing over at him and pausing for a bit. Dazai was still looking out over Yokohama, an expression I've never seen before on his face. He almost looked... sad. Very handsome, his side profile absolutely perfect. But he still looked sad. I took a quick picture, smiling as I looked over it on my phone.

The carriage stopped and I couldn't help but grin as we just swayed softly up in the air. "Thanks for spending the day with me, Dazai. It would have sucked if I had spent it alone."

"Ahh, don't sweat it, bella. I couldn't possibly leave you out here alone," Dazai answered dramatically and I laughed and rolled my eyes. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and I grabbed my phone, smiling at the cute selfie that Keiko sent to me.

'I'm so sorry for bailing! I'll make it up to you, I promise! ❤ mwuah'

"Is that Keiko?" Dazai asked and I nodded, sending her a quick reply.

"Yeah. She seems to be doing okay," I said, feeling a bit relieved.

"That's great!" Dazai exclaimed, getting up from his spot and carefully making his way to sit beside me, much to my horror.

"Dazai! We're not supposed to move around!"

"We're fine!" he waved me off dismissively. "Now you can stop worrying about Keiko and focus on what's important. Me."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You?"

Dazai hummed. "Yes, me. And how I'm taking you home tonight."

My jaw drops, face heating up at his words. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Dazai answered, his voice dropping a bit as his gaze and entire mood changed. His gaze was darker now, his lips curled up in an almost dangerous smirk. "I think it's time we stop tiptoeing around each other and just take what we really want."

My mouth went dry and I quickly became flustered, turning my head away. Immediately, a hand is grabbing my face, Dazai digging his fingers into my cheeks as he forces me to look back at him.

"Nuh uh, you look at me when I'm speaking."

His authoritative tone makes me freeze, heart pounding in my chest as I stared at Dazai, completely bewildered. I knew there was something more about him than he had let on, and whatever it was, had me in fight or flight mode.

"Now, when we're done here, we're gonna leave and head back to my place, okay?" he asked me, but his tone made it seem like it wasn't a request, and it sure as hell didn't match the seemingly innocent smile on his face; not when it didn't reach his eyes.

I nodded, Dazai removing his hand from my face. His smile sent shivers down my spine.

"Good."

"Mmn... fuck, Dazai..." I moaned and gasped softly, the man on top of me littering my neck with angry red and purple marks, two of his fingers working inside my pussy. I was completely naked on his bed, Dazai only in his underwear-- and his bandages still wrapped around his arms and chest.

"Hey, what did I tell you?" Dazai whispered against my neck, curling his fingers and smirking when I cried out. "Call me Osamu. Don't make me tell you again."

I frantically nodded my head, crying out again as he sped up the pace of his fingers, his mouth moving down to my chest. "F-fuck, Osamu!"

"That's it," he whispered, taking one of my hardened nipples into his mouth. My fingers curled into his soft brown hair, head tilting back and eyes screwing shut as Dazai continued to pleasure my body.

It wasn't long until he pushed his hard cock into my wet pussy, the both of us groaning at the feeling of us finally connecting. I was on my knees and elbows, pillow placed under my hips. Dazai started out slowly, biting his lip as he watched his dick disappear inside of me.

"Fuck... I'm gonna burn this sight into my memory," Dazai groaned, making me whine as I shook my head.

"D-don't stare like that..."

Dazai chuckled softly, his hands grabbing my hips as he started to move faster, thrusting harder. I moaned and whined, it seemed to be the only thing I could do while Dazai fucked the shit outta me. "Osamu... please..."

My whining made the man above me grin widely, his thrusts becoming rougher, almost wild as he suddenly reached out and grabbed a handful off my hair. I yelped when he yanked me up, my back now pressed against his chest and his other hand wrapped around my throat.

"What is it, bella?" he hissed into my ear, pounding away at my pussy and making me cry out again. God, it was too much all at once. "What does my pretty little subordinate want?"

I whined. "I want to cum... please Osamu..."

He cackled, pushing me back on the bed, grabbing my hips so hard, I knew I was gonna bruise. "Cum then," he hissed down at me, pushing my face into the mattress. He fucked me relentlessly, fingers finding my clit and rubbing harsh circles. That made my vision go white, my scream muffled as I came hard, body going rigid as pleasure overtook my body.

"Shit, you're squeezing me so tight," Dazai grunted. He pulled out, ignoring my whines as he stepped off the bed. "Get on your back."

I barely rolled over halfway until there was a strong grip on my ankle, my body being pulled down the length of the bed. Dazai stood at the end, wasting no time in pushing my legs back by the back of my knees, and plunging his cock back into me.

I looked up at him through teary eyes, and I knew I should have been afraid of the mad look that was in his eyes, the way his lips were curled up in a snarl. But it just made my pussy clench around him in arousal, eyes rolling to the back of my head.

I came a second time as he did his first, and much to my ultimate pleasure, we weren't finished there. We pleasured each other through the night, until we wore each other out and fell asleep entangled in the sheets.

I woke up the next morning, groaning in pain as I felt my body ache. I forced myself to sit up, looking around blearily and humming softly when I found Dazai sitting on the edge of the bed, his bare back to me.

"Good morning," he sang to me and I giggled softly, carefully moving to kneel behind him. The blankets fell from around me and I pressed my bare chest against his back. "Hm, that's nice."

"Morning," I said softly, peeking over his shoulder. "What are you do-"

I stop, staring as Dazai wrapped seemingly clean bandages on his heavily scarred left arm. I swallowed thickly, my mind running at what could have possibly been the cause of those scars.

But deep down, I knew that the cause was Dazai himself.

"Do... Do you have enough?" I asked softly, not knowing what else to even say. I didn't want to pry or seem insensitive, just having to get over this metaphorical punch in the gut myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Dazai answered, turning to face me with a cheery smile on his face. In a matter of seconds, I was flat on my back, Dazai on top of me with his lips pressed against mine. It was easy for him to make me forget about what I saw, his kisses stealing my breath away.

"I have to go," he said softly, pushing himself off me after a moment.

I nodded solemnly, watching him continue to get dressed. "Alright. See you at work tomorrow?"

He smirked at me. "You know the answer to that."

I rolled my eyes again, just as my phone started to ring. I grabbed it, sending Dazai a quick smile before answering the call.

"Hey Keiko, guess who got fucking laid." That made Dazai snort while I grinned, though my grin fell as I didn't hear Keiko go off like I thought she would. "Keiko?" I shared a look with Dazai.

"Hey... I need you. Can I come over?"

[egglygreg]

Big ol' rambly journal entry incoming

I am very tired and out of it today, but I'm very grateful to God for yesterday. I managed to call a power company and set up electricity and internet for the new house, which is something I would have been too overwhelmingly terrified to do a year or two ago.

Mum helped me take all my shoes (apart from my favourite boots) and I put them on my new shoe rack in the new house, and we did a little grocery shopping, AND I helped take care of my grandmother and cook her tea since she's bedbound for the moment after her foot surgery.

Could only have done it with His help, because normally any one of those things would have tanked me immediately. And I know He's orchestrated it so that we have loads of time to move, when most people have to do it all in a day (which with my cfs would have been WAY too much).

Plus the fact that we were offered two houses the same day out of the blue, only 2 weeks ago, one either side of mum's good friend's place in town and very close to shops, when we weren't even actively looking for a house anymore! We'd given up last year and decided to stay put where we were (mum lives in a tiny A frame and I live with gran).

And THEN the owner of the one we picked hasn't upped the rent and kept it low and only charged us a very low bond. She's happy for the house to be in my name even though I have no rental history, and happy for us to have pets.

Earlier in the week I bought an old wooden school teacher's desk, a fairly fancy bureau desk, a shoe rack, a clothes rack and a gold floor lamp from the local op shop, and the man was super kind to me and sold them all to me for 70 Aus$ and they delivered them to the house for free (and he just let me have this cute little gold candleholder for free).

Lots of people have offered to help me and mum move. Mum's friend and lots of other people we know are super excited for us to be in the new house. We're planning on having a The Chosen based watch party and bible study once we're settled, and we'll definitely have an open door for visitors.

This will be my first house, the first that is officially mine. Mum's happily deferring to me in all decisions and reassures me that it's my home. I'm still anxious about so many things, but I'm really trying to let go of that (some of it is probably just physical because of the chronic fatigue, overdoing it can cause anxiety symptoms and make sleep quailty worse). I trust God, or at least I want to trust Him, and ask that He helps my unbelief, because I know full well that He is in this entire thing.

The last month or two we've been having prayer meetings and bible study, and I know God is using that and I believe our move is part of a bigger shifting in our community. Mum, our family friend and soon to be neighbour and I are all pretty involved with a lot of ice affected families and teens, and mum has been working in their lives for years and praying for them but hasn't seen a lot of change, but I get the sense that things are shifting. And I think us being central in town might make us a bit of a hub and a safe refuge. God's definitely at work!

Also we had a near immediate answer to prayer last night, when mum's chronically ill friend rang us distraught to tell us her elderly pocket chihuahua Spunky escaped the yard while she and her partner were away for the day for his cancer treatment.

Spunky literally weighs less than 2kg and is the tiniest little dog you've ever seen, and is blind, so we were all fearing the worst. They live next to a main road and it had been pouring with rain. Mum and I prayed, and literally 4 minutes later my cousin sent me a photo someone had posted in a closed local fb group saying that they'd picked up a soggy little old dog wandering near the road! We sent the woman a message with his owner's number and he got home safe.

I'm still sad about my bun Alfie passing from myxi virus, but he and Leesie are together again and he was very depressed after she passed. I tried to comfort him but he was so attached to her, and with the costs of moving and the exhaustion I couldn't have afforded another bunny friend for him. I also know he wouldn't have coped well with the change of moving. The vets were very kind to me, and put a little rose in his carrier when we brought him home to bury him.

I don't really know how to end off this long rambling journal entry of mine, but whether through hardship or blessing God is good and I love Him. I guess I just wanted to write down what's been happening lately and take a moment to get my head around it!

I've spent a good 85% of the last 5 years just having to rest and wait and I guess learn patience. It's been frustrating and sad and difficult a lot of the time, but I know that I've learned a huge amount from it. I still have chronic fatigue syndrome for the moment, and maybe I will continue to be unwell, but it does feel like a certain chapter of my life is over and a different one is beginning. Quite frankly I have very little idea of where my life is heading, but I know God is good and that He is in control so I don't have to be afraid.

[mimisempai]

I am here to ask you something special

Summary:

Sam wants to do things the right way. He visits an old friend to talk about his relationship with Bucky and ask for his blessing

or

5 times where Sam asks old Steve for his blessing and one time where he realizes he never needed it.

Notes:

Many people talk about Steve as if he were dead, but I imagine him living a peaceful life in a cottage with his sweetheart. Sam and Bucky still in contact with him, one way or another.

🌈 Happy Pride month ! 🌈

To celebrate, 1 day, 1 story.

Be ready for smiles, laugh, fluff, tooth rotthing fluff, positive vibes and a lot of love!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32006143

2265 words - Rating G

Sam hesitated a bit before reaching for the small gate that led to the entrance of a small cottage surrounded by trees.

When he decided to open it, a voice said, "I thought you wouldn't come in."

Sam looked up and his gaze went to the source of the voice.

He moved forward a little, and hidden behind a flowering bush, he saw Steve, a book in his hand, sitting in a rocking chair.

"Sam, it's so good to see you! " he said with a smile that not even the years had been able to change.

He got up quietly and came over to meet Sam.

"Steve, you look great."

"No need to spare me, you can add I look great for my age. Come on in. So what brings you here my friend? We... uh I don't get many visitors, so I'm a little surprised."

Sam, who had noticed the slip of the tongue, didn't insist and followed him into a small, pleasantly arranged living room. They took seats in two armchairs.

"So Sam? How are you? How is it carrying the shield?"

"I'm fine, and as you know yourself, not always easy. But I think I'm doing okay."

Steve smiled softly and said, "You are, and I never doubted it, though I hear you don't care what Steve Rogers wants." he winked.

"I see Bucky couldn't help but open his mouth."

Steve chuckled, "He even made a point of saying it to my face, full of arrogance with his stubborn tone, 'You know what Steve, Sam's right, we don't care what you want.' and you were right. I'm glad you found your way, although as Bucky explained to me, we had no right to ask you to do something like that without knowing the consequences. I owe you an apology too Sam."

Sam, touched, didn't immediately know what to say. It moved him more than he thought to hear Steve's apology and the fact that apparently Bucky had defended him so passionately. It further confirmed why he had come to see his old friend today.

"So Sam, you still haven't told me, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Sam fidgeted a little, he had thought it would be a formality, but now that he was here he realized it was harder than he had anticipated.

"Um...so here goes...you know Bucky and I are together...-" he began in a hesitant tone.

He was interrupted by a burst of laughter from Steve.

"I think I was the first to know. It was super early in the morning and I remember us...I was having breakfast when I got this facetime call from Bucky, talking all excited about a cookout, about 'Uncle Bucky' and in the midst of all this information, I managed to figure out that you two were a couple."

Steve looked at him with a fond smile.

Sam remembered what Steve was talking about like it was yesterday.

They had held a cookout on the harbor, and Bucky had come with a cake. Sam remembered how his nephews, family and friends welcomed him as if he were family. The way Bucky's face lit up when he saw Sam.

He especially remembered the end of the day, they were side by side in front of the lake and Sam had turned to Bucky and just said, "let's go home."

He had seen several emotions run over Bucky's face, shock, surprise, realization and finally a nameless joy.

He had whispered in a voice clouded with emotion, "Yes, let's go home."

And they had gone home, Sam's arm around Bucky's shoulders.

There had been no passionate kiss, no grand declarations in that moment, but like Bucky, Sam considered that from that day forward they were together.

"Sam?"

Steve's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"Yes, excuse me."

"No worries Sam, believe me I understand you."

Sam coughed, then resumed, "Yeah, so I was saying, Bucky and I are together and things are going pretty well and-"

"According to Bucky, things are going more than pretty well." replied Steve with a cheeky smile. "He told me about the two of you taking a house together. If that's the case, then things are going better than well between you, right?" Steve asked him playfully.

It was true that, contrary to what the beginning of their relationship suggested, everything went smoothly.After fighting with each other and Sam choosing to become Captain America, they realized that the most important thing for them was to talk and listen to each other, and this allowed them to deflect most of the conflicts that would arise. Sam had learned to lean on Bucky and Bucky had learned to listen to Sam, and the balance between them was natural.

So living together had been a very obvious step.

He still remembered Bucky's joy when he had taken him in front of their new house, surprising him. But what had moved both men the most was the sign nailed to the door, obviously made by children's hands. It read: " Sam, Bucky and Alpine's house. "

The cohabitation was really going smoothly, it was easy to live with Bucky. They had adapted well to each other.

Sam smiled fondly, thinking back on all the little things that made up their daily routine.

Bucky was caring and Sam hadn't expected that. Bucky recorded every detail about him, all his quirks, his likes, everything-

"Sam? I lost you again."

You're going to think I'm an idiot by now," Sam replied with an embarrassed chuckle as he scratched the back of his head.

"I actually find it kind of refreshing, it's been so long for me, but I remember the thrill of the early months." said Steve with an understanding look.

"With her?" asked Sam, pointing to the wedding ring with his chin.

"Sort of." replied Steve with a mysterious smile.

"Always so evasive my friend." teased Sam.

"And so?" asked Steve.

"I see..." Sam didn't insist, "So I was saying, we're together and it's going very well. Bucky's even adjusted very well to Delacroix."

"Yes it seems to me he told me about working on a boat with your sister I believe?" asked Steve, looking interested.

"When he first came to Delacroix, he had brought me my new armor, and he stayed to help me repair the boat of our family business that Sarah, my sister, runs. And when he moved here permanently, he offered to help on his own. He fit in perfectly and the people of Delacroix respect him."

Sam thought of Carlos, who kept singing Bucky's praises. Bucky had taken a liking to the old man and often Sam would find them sharing a beer on the boat deck when he returned from a mission.

"You know Sam, it doesn't surprise me, Buck has always been a friendly and helpful guy. I'm glad to know that he's been able to get back to some semblance of a normal life despite the years Hydra took from him.I'm glad to know that he knows something other than fighting."

Sam saw emotion pass over Steve's face.

Of course he had seen that Bucky was fully acclimated to life in Delacroix and he was not unhappy about that. He knew that if he needed him, the White Wolf would be there in a heartbeat and ready to help, but he was glad to know that he had a life outside the battlefield.

"Yeah, sometimes I feel like he's lived in Delacroix longer than I have, and I was born there so that's saying something. So, yes, we live happily together in Delacroix, and he's kind of part of the family."

Steve chuckled, "Haha yes, Uncle Bucky. I really wish I could have seen his face when he was called that."

"You would have seen mine," Sam retorted, "I was the most surprised."

"Pleasantly surprised I hope." asked Steve, with a slight frown, gauging Sam.

"Yes yes, don't get on your high horse, Steve the mother hen. My nephews don't have much of a male presence in their lives except for me, that's why they adopted Bucky immediately, and needless to say, the reverse is true. Besides, he's become a legend among the younger generation, you understand, the bionic arm and all, even my wings can't compete."

Steve laughs as he imagines Bucky surrounded by kids.

"Wait, let me show you!"

Sam picked up his phone and after a few seconds, he showed Steve the screen.

The older man couldn't hold back a small tear at the picture of Bucky lifting children with his arm, while others laughed around him. But what touched him the most was Bucky's own laughter.

As Sam put his cell phone back in his pocket, Steve wiped away his tears as he apologized, "Well, that's just the way it is, as we get older we get more emotional, and to see my best friend this happy, makes me incredibly pleased, thank you for showing me this Sam."

"You're welcome."

Sam cleared his throat before continuing, "So here's the thing Steve, I came today, because Bucky is an extremely important person, hell he's the most important person in my life.  I never thought I would find someone who knows me and understands me so well and who I don't have to be strong with all the time.I told you he's part of my family, but I would like him to be part of it in a more official way, and since you're all the family he has left as I know he thinks of you as his brother, although sometimes you act more like his mother, so I-"

Steve, laughing at Sam's last sentence, interrupted him with a wave of his hand.

Once he calmed down, he began to speak, "Sam, I think I understand what you came for. And I want you to know that nothing makes me happier than to give you my blessing, but you didn't have to ask for it. From the first day Bucky told me about you two, you have had this blessing. You are an exceptional person, and I am extremely happy that my two best friends have found each other. Having found happiness with the person I love, I know how precious that is. Not everyone gets a second chance like we did... like I did. So be happy, both of you. You both deserve it."

He clasped Sam's hand and put his other hand over their joined hands, just like the day he had passed the shield to him.

Once again Sam's gaze was drawn to the ring on Steve's finger.

"You still don't want to tell me about her?" asked Sam.

Letting go of Sam's hand, Steve said simply, "No..." Steve paused for a moment before continuing, "This story belongs to him and me."

Sam abruptly raised his head, but seeing that Steve had resumed his mysterious air, he simply nodded.

"I understand. I'm glad you found happiness then."

He stood up and headed for the door, "Don't walk me out I know the way. Just wish me luck."

"You don't need luck. I'm sure he'll say yes." replied Steve with a wink.

"Goodbye Steve."

Then he closed the door behind him.

As he was about to open the gate, his phone vibrated.

He picked it up, there was a message, "On your left."

He looked over his left shoulder, and saw Steve in the darkness of the window, but he wasn't alone and had his arm around the shoulders of a familiar figure. Sam tried to make out the features of the smaller man, but couldn't. He simply smiled and went on his way.

**********

A few days later, at Delacroix, lying with his head in Bucky's lap, Sam watched him squirm to try to take a picture of his right hand with his phone.

He straightened up and asked, "What are you trying to do?"

"I want to send a picture to Steve, of this," Bucky said, waving the hand that had been sporting the engagement ring in front of Sam's nose.

Sam smiled with fondness, picked up the phone and took Bucky's hand. He captured a photo of their joined hands, the engagement ring in full view.

Then kissing Bucky's hand, he handed the phone back to him.

Bucky typed a few words and sent the message.

Several hundred miles from Delacroix, in a small cottage, reading, Steve picked up his phone, which had just vibrated.

On the screen were the words, "Buddy, you'll never guess who is going to tie himself down."

Followed by a photo of a hand adorned with what could only be an engagement ring, joined to another hand, undoubtedly Sam's.

"So that's it, Sam proposed?" said a voice behind Steve.

"And Bucky said yes." replied Steve as arms wrapped around him from behind and a kiss was placed on his head.

He set the phone down beside him and turned to put his hands around the waist of the man behind him.

He sighed softly in happiness as he said, "I hope they are as happy as we are Tony."

"I'm sure they will be, my love." the man whispered as he kissed his head again. Then he let go of him and came to sit next to Steve.

Tony leaned against Steve who put his arm around him.

Then Steve picked up his book and continued to read aloud, "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."

__________

Not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

Quote at the end : Wind, Sand and Stars - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

*strokes the amazing Yiga Scribe's ego and offers the best bananas* May I submit a request? I'm neutral on mpreg but I'm HUGE on big belly kink. I got to thinking, what about a scene that takes place in your mpreg AU, where Kohga is 9 months pregnant with the triplets and just... HUGE and Sooga just can't handle how sexy he thinks that is? Love and bananes! 🍌🍌🍌❤️❤️❤️

*sighs in pregnancy kink* let's get Sooga horny as SHIT.

Sooga was a lucky man. He was in a relationship with a man who was as beautiful as bananas were delicious. Nice, beautiful hands, the most incredible looking face, and, most sexy of all; he was baring his children. Boys, and THREE of them.

"Aaand we're done! Wonderful job, Master Kohga!"

"I. Hate. Everything."

Kohga had agreed to do some light work outs, mainly in the form of yoga, and even though he complained every time, his Master hadn't skipped a day. Even if it was a struggle. Sooga saw it as Kohga laid against his front, absolutely exhausted. Sooga kissed his head, absolutely in love with his flushed husband.

"But you did SO well today. I'm so proud of you!"

"Uh huh. Can we fucking EAT now?"

Kohga was ALWAYS hungry, and Sooga couldn’t blame him; growing three, strapping boys was a full time job, no wonder he was so cranky.

"Absolutely you may. What would you like?"

"I want ice cream. Definitely. With nuts. And carmel."

"I think I remember the kitchen making brownies earlier, would you like some?"

"YES. In the ice cream. And banana slices-"

"At the very end, or they'll get soggy. I'm aware, my Master. Do you need to be carried to the room?"

"You ain't gonna let me walk soon as I squeeze these bastards out, might as well get some steps in. I uh, could use some help standing up."

Sooga nodded. His poor husband, so heavy and dependent on him. He reached out his arm, allowing Kohga to hold onto him. He helped walk him to the room, carefully, before he felt Kohga smack at his shoulder.

"What'd I do?"

"You're GROWLING at people, Sooga."

"I am? I didn't even notice. Well, their fault regardless, everyone keeps looking as if they want to touch your stomach."

"YOU touch it?"

"I'm their father. Everyone but me and you have no right to touch them. But, I will try to remain civil."

Sooga opened the door for Kohga, allowing him to walk inside. Sooga made eye contact with Cil, before flipping him the bird. Damn vulture. He shut the door behind him, helping Kohga to the bed, fluffing the pillows as he liked it.

"Ugh...my goddamn feet. I swear this shit hurts."

"Would you like me to rub your feet?"

"I'd like you to get the goddamn ice cream I asked for."

"You're adorable ~"

Such an attitude. He kissed his forehead, before excusing himself to the kitchen. And as usual, EVERYONE working there were excited to get ANY news to spread around the clan (the cooks were such gossips queens)

"Sooga! How's Kohga?"

"Anything new to report?"

"He's doing well. He's hungry. I need ice cream, you know, the sundaes he likes."

They nodded, working together to make quite the pretty sundae. Stuffed to the brim with ice cream, carmel sauce, nuts, thick brownies, whipped cream, and sliced bananas, on the side of course. They handed him the tray, and Sooga was about to leave, when they added something else to the tray; crispy salmon skin. Kohga, much to his anger, had grown to like fish since his pregnancy. Salmon skin was the new banana chip. They gave him a little wave, before he excused himself.

He stepped back into the room, and set the ice cream down before adding the bananas, and presenting it to Kohga.

"FINALLY. These fuckheads are STARVED."

Kohga tucked into his dessert happily, and it warmed Sooga’s heart. He looked so happy.

"Is that all? I'd uhm...like to rest, my feet h-"

"No, they fucking don't, just SAY you wanna cuddle, you fuckshit."

It was true. Sooga never really felt body pains (at least not enough to complain), he just didn't know how to ask for cuddles, especially with grumpy Kohga, but Kohga just. Knew him well enough to know what he wanted, always. Sooga crawled into bed, super careful as he rested his chin on his belly (he would prefer his chest, but Kohga smacked him with a spoon last time, so). He watched lovingly as Kohga helped himself to his cold treat. Cheeks rosey and stuffed, just like his bare belly. The yiga attire was meant to stretch for any size, but Kohga needed a change ever since his six month mark.

A see through robe, thin enough to breathe and move around in. It screamed 'pregnant mom', given the style, but to Sooga, it was INCREDIBLY sexy.

"Are you three liking the ice cream too? Is it too cold? Are you getting brain freeze? Can babies get a brain freeze?"

Kohga swallowed his last bite, before putting his empty cup on the night stand next to them. He sighed, damn near annoyed.

"Dunno. But I know they give ME a headache. AND you. God what if they're like your dumbass?"

"I agree. I sincerely hope they're going be like you. Strong, wonderful, kind, TERRIBLY handsome-"

He stopped once Kohga lightly winced. He panicked for a moment, before settling down.

"Sorry. Little shits are hyper as fuck."

"You DID just give them ice cream, and lots of it. It's adorable. All of it is. Gods you're perfect."

He leaned down to kiss his bare belly (he accidentally pulled up his shirt, believe him), humming in content.

"Sooga?"

"Hmm?"

"Your boner is literally pressing against my leg right now."

Sooga looked down at himself. He was right. He cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed.

"I...sorry. You're just. So big, and voluptuous and beautiful and SO full with my pups-"

"Fucks sake, Sooga, just. Jerk off already."

Suffice to say, this wasn't the first time Sooga had been aroused by the situation, so Kohga was used to his man's bullshit. Sooga would have insisted he didn't need it but his erection proved otherwise. He swung his legs over Kohga, and made his body hold itself up. Wouldn’t want to hurt the little ones, afterall. He pulled himself out of his clothes, slowly starting to pump his cock. And Kohga just. Stared. Stared in a sort of 'I'm above you' mentality that he seemed to gain upon his pregnancy.

And Sooga LOVED it. He was merely tolerating him, gracing him in his grandeur.

"You always take so fucking long with this. You got a nice looking cock, and you do jack shit with it."

Sooga chuckled, pushing the tip of his cock and forcing precum to leak onto his hand. He was careful as he loomed over him, wanting to see every bit of him. His face, his chest, his big, wonderful, incredible, gorgeous stomach. Everything.

"The better to savor you with, my Master. The better to appreciate you with. The better to see the absolute beauty that your womb-"

He was silenced when Kohga leaned up a bit, and pulled his hair tie out of his hair, letting it fall. Sooga wished he could take a picture of this moment. Of Kohga laying there, tired of him, holding his hair tie in his hand as if he were trash. Yet, the smirk at his lips let him subtly know he was loved. The great faeries wished they looked as big and beautiful as he did.

"Sooga. You're a sweetheart, really. But GOD shut the fuck up and just cum on me, I need a nap like, yesterday."

"Of course my Master, sincere apologies on my part. I'll finish, without much grandeur. Provided...I have a little assistance?"

He asked, hopeful. Either he'd get a hand, or a hand to the back of the head. Kohga scoffed in disbelief.

"Fucking hell, stomach kink son of a-FINE."

He offered his hand to him. Just his open hand. That was enough. He took his hand in his own, using his hand to help him stroke his cock. Oh the way it made a shiver run down his spine. It was all he needed. He took no more than a minute or so (too long for Kohga’s taste), before he finally got what he wanted. A hot, creamy load on his belly in plentful ribbons. Oh sweat never felt so good.

"Shit...thank you, Master Kohga. Truly. I needed that."

"Yeah yeah yeah. You done fawning over me?"

"Never. You look like a big, lovely cinnamon roll~"

Kohga wiped his hand on Sooga’s stomach, clicking his tongue.

"You're awful. Lay down with me already, you need a nap too."

Sooga let himself fall on his side, before clinging tightly onto Kohga. Sooga didn't clean up his mess, and it was something they were both okay with.

"...Master Kohga?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you...think they'll like me?"

"They should. I know I do."

"Even when I just can't leave you alone?"

"Yeah, even then. SOMEONE has to fuss over me."

Sooga pressed his lips against his messy, hairy tummy.

"I'll fuss over them as well. Till the end of time. My...family. All mine, to safeguard, and protect with my life."

Kohga rolled his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. It always did help him fall asleep.

"And I'll teach them how to deal with adoring idiots like you."

Sooga lovingly stroked and loved at his plumpness. Beautiful.

"Have we thought of names?"

"They're yours, so Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbfuck."

He was about to interject, when they both felt one of them kick. Kohga laughed, his legs flailing wildly.

"THEY LIKE IT! THAT'S IT, THAT'S THEIR NAMES!"

"Master Kohga please-"

"Listen, I spent nine months with these fucks mooching off of me, the LEAST I can do is give them the funniest fucking names."

"I...love you, Master Kohga."

He didn't know what family life entailed. He just knew he was ready.

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Four)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Three ※※※※※ Chapter Five

I absorbed and enjoyed the silence that was hovering around my house. I grabbed a glass of juice and sat down on the couch on the balcony. My mom left early for work, and Leah even tried to take me along for a photo shoot she was going to do in Venice. But, honestly, I'm not in the mood for dragging plaster casts around under the sun.

Not to mention that it is good to have moments alone to get my head straight. I know that in a little while it will be even harder to escape from these outings, I mean, I know I have to get back to my routine, but as long as I can avoid it, I will.

I put the juice on the table and pick up my diary. Unlike yesterday, I open it to the first page, like a book, and start reading. I go through a few pages about my feelings, about what I planned about my future, about my parents' divorce.

"I know it was inevitable. Anyone could tell how distant they were, I just didn't want it to be like that, that she suffered the same way I did. And I didn't want to feel that anger from him. But deep down, I know it's for the best.".

A few more pages telling about the scout who had seen me at the mall, the first photo shoot, the first runway show for a small clothing brand. Then arriving at the day I met Ashton.

"That one nobody expected/imagined/sought for. Ashton Irwin is my yoga partner!!! Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh my gosh, I never would have imagined that. I was dying of nervousness about being the new student, then he comes and offers to be my duo and oh gosh, he's amazing. Super fun and nice. AND HE CALLED ME UP FOR COFFEE ON SUNDAY.

" Ashton and I sat at a table on the sidewalk. Under the table, I snapped my fingers in nervousness as I read the menu.

- Do you already know what you are going to order? - he asks. I pout and nod my head in denial.

- All I know is that I don't want espresso. - I comment.

- Can I recommend one? I think you'll like it, it's whipped with cream and chocolate, very sweet. - He points to the menu after I accept his suggestion.

- It amazes me how good you are at coffee. - I joke, making him laugh.

- I like coffee. I once took a tour of a coffee farm in the countryside right here in California.

Coffee becomes our first topic. Because he knows and understands coffee, Ashton convinces me to do a tasting at a promising coffee shop in Brentwood the next morning. It was not the kind of program I am used to doing, but everything is different now, my life has changed and so have my types of programs.

- You are lost being my friend, I will call you all morning for breakfast together. - Ashton comments as we drive along the sidewalks of Los Angeles.

My body shakes when it hears the word "friend". I still wasn't sure if I could consider Ash a friend, but now, I'm happy to know that I can and that he considers me too. "

The memory warms and cheers me up, giving me more desire to read and remember.

I don't realize how much I was smiling until my cheeks start to hurt. After that day, his name becomes very frequent, until it joins Leah's.

"I don't know how to explain this girl. She came in so confident and nose to nose, I was sure she would be insufferable, then she opened her mouth and all I could think was 'where has she been all my life? ' And I don't want to get my hopes up or be a pain in the ass, but she's also a model and she talked about me going to her father's agency and if that works out? it's one of the biggest agencies in the world, I'm going to take off. God, if this is your will...".

I laugh at the following narrations that already involve Ashton, Noah and Leah. I can't remember what is written, but my imagination gives me a warm, happy feeling in my body. And if the reality has been as fun and nice as what I imagined, then it was very good.

I feel my body shiver and a chill take over my stomach when I see Luke's name for the first time. I cut the pace of my reading, preparing myself for what was to come. I reach for another glass of juice, buying time and even courage to read the rest.

"I had already noticed him looking at me, I just didn't want to believe he was looking at me, and it was perfect like that, until Ashton brought him in. It's one thing to know who Luke is, it's another to talk to him. In the end it wasn't so bad. I guess. I just stared for the first hour at anything but him, but I guess he must have missed it. Now I'm in the dilemma of if he liked me, I mean, we spent four hours talking and nothing, no kiss, no phone exchange. NOTHING."

I laugh at myself. I can perfectly see myself being embarrassed by him and not being able to look him in the eye.. If I could go back in time, I would tell this Marnie that Luke really liked her, even though I only had a basis in videos and pictures.

I pick up my cell phone and open insta, going to the date that marked my diary. 07/06/18. It was Ashton's birthday party. I flip to the side and see a picture taken in Hawaii, with the caption "The one where we got lost". I turn the page and find that trip.

"I know I am committing one of the biggest follies of my life and deep down, I don't even know why. That's a lie, I do, but that's not the point. In fact, it is, but that's not what I'm going to talk about. Again, it is. The point is: I can't believe that at the last minute I agreed to go on a trip to Hawaii with a bunch of people I barely know. Except Ash, Noah and Leah. And P.S. Monday is his birthday. It only gets better.”

Apparently things between Luke and me went pretty quickly. I read a few more pages seeing that on his birthday, we had our first kiss and from then on everything happened too fast and messy.

I write about many fights and reconciliations. Both he and I, didn't want anything serious, but both he and I, couldn't stay away from each other and there was my reason.

"There is a good big part of all this blocking that I believe is because of what happened and because of me trying to pretend it didn't happen. Dr. Prescott says that if I don't put it out there and don't talk about it, it will consume me. 'Talking about our fears, worries and problems makes them smaller and easier to defeat.'

Besides my parents, no one else knows about that day."

I run my eyes quickly down the page, seeing that that one was about Stephen's cheating.

I close the journal in fear. I don't know what is coming, and I don't know if I have the courage to read it. It is one thing to hear about it from others, from their view and opinion, even if it is not on purpose. It's another to hear about it from my view, from what I've been through.

I have no doubt that there are things in these next pages that maybe even my parents don't know. Things and feelings that I have kept solely and exclusively to myself and I don't know if I am ready to face this, again.

I put down the diary and go in search of something else. Luckily for me, my guardian angel, aka Leah, calls me.

“Are you busy? I thought we could have lunch together. What do you think?” she bombards me, not letting me say hello.

“Hi to you too. No, I'm not busy, just reading my diary.” I run my hand over the cover, keeping in the back of my mind what awaits me. “ I'll take lunch.”

Before Leah can answer, I hear a muffled argument on the phone and wait for the fight to end.

“Sorry, but Noah is asking if he can come along.” she asks, without patience.

“Of course he can.” I hold my laughter, imagining the two of them fighting on the other end of the line.

“Okay, in a few minutes we'll be there. Kisses.”

I say goodbye to her and decide not to read the diary again. The doctor himself told me not to force myself into anything. I set the table and wait for the two of them to arrive.

After forty minutes, the doorbell rings. I make way for my friend and analyze the tall, muscular man behind her. Unlike my memory, the Noah of today has his hair well shaved and brunette, like his sister's. His green eyes fill with tears when he sees me crack a smile, and like his twin, he doesn't wait for permission and hugs me.

“Don't ever do that again, young lady. What a shitty world this would be without you!” he squeezes me before showering me with kisses, all over my face.

Leah turns and pulls him away from me, making me laugh. I follow them both into the kitchen and look at the bags they brought, excited.

“We made sure to stop by The Palm and pick up your favorite dish.” I didn't even know that I had a favorite dish at The Palm. But when Leah opens a box and I feel my mouth water when I see that noodle with shrimp, I realize how little I know myself.

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” I ask softly, with a smile.

We start lunch and today my attention was on Noah, after all he was the new thing. I listen to him tell about the day we met, when he began to advise my career with his sister, and how things have been going since the accident.

“You don't have to give any interviews if you don't want to.” he assures me once again.

I still don't know how to deal with this "public figure" business, but deep down I feel a need to give a "satisfaction" to everyone who knows me. Noah has already sent some notes about my condition, but I know that I will have to appear on some channel in the future.

We changed the subject and started talking about my amnesia. Noah was not very happy that my first memory was his hair fiasco. I commented that I was reading my diary and asked about some events.

“Are we really lost in Hawaii?” they both started to laugh and agree.

“That day I wanted to hit Mark. I was getting very angry that he could not accept that he was reading the wrong map. Not to mention the car dying and us pushing," Noah comments.

“Mark was never good with maps. He says himself that he was a lousy Boy Scout.” Leah says before drying her third glass of water.

“Who is Mark?” I question.

“Mark is an ex-lover of mine. At the time we were chatting and he had the house in Hawaii. One thing led to another and in the end he went along.” Leah ends with a frown.

“And why did we let him drive then?” I ask, full of curiosity. They look at me as if I know the answer. Or, as if I should, but I just raise my eyebrows, saying nothing.

“Because it's Mark.” Noah shrugs. “He likes to be in control of everything.”

“The one who was definitely happy with us there was that guy who owns the coconut stand.” Leah says.

So there it is, the little wooden stand, with a pile of coconuts in front of it. A short man, probably about 50 years old, laughing at our misfortune while selling the fruit to us. Images begin to form in my mind.

" “- Look there.” Kyleen and I focus on the little man laughing as he takes the money from Michael's hand. “He sure is very happy with us standing here.” Leah says.

“Of course he is. We already bought twelve coconuts from him. Bad little man.” I make a face.

“We're not lost. It's just a shortcut.” we cut off eye contact with the stand and focus on Mark arguing with Noah and Ashton.

Leah looked at her lover in total disbelief at what she had gotten herself into. If regret could kill. The next moment Mark stomps his foot on the floor, like a child with a temper tantrum. At that moment, Calum looks at me with wide eyes.

I look away so that he doesn't see me laughing. Kiki, who was behind me, slaps me to stop, but this only makes me want to laugh more. I hide my face in her arm and in the end, my laughter gets out of hand. Both she and Calum start laughing with me, causing the boys to look at us curiously.

It takes no more than five minutes for Mike to join in the laughter with us and soon everyone else was laughing except Mark. Even the little bad man was laughing. It was the worst thing about us being lost, but that's what was happening and it couldn't be anything but comical, even though it was sad too. ”

“Of course he was happy. He sold about fifteen coconuts for us.” I don't even try to control my smile. Once again I remembered, and this is more than great.

The twin couple in front of me crack a big smile too, and soon they are clapping their hands and stamping their feet on the floor, making noise. I clap my hands with them in celebration.

“She is coming back.” Noah comes around the table, hugging me from behind and again showering me with kisses.

I was never one to have many friends. Usually it was just Bethany and Stephen, and a girl in my music class, but I don't know if I can consider her that, after all, we only talked during class and it was all very unrelated.

The point is that I have always envied those people who managed to have a large number of friends, and friends really, not just colleagues. Friends who call you for everything, who are always by your side, who enjoy your company, and who consider you family.

In this moment, with just Noah and Leah, I can see that I finally have these friends that I have wanted so much and without having to pretend to be something that I am not, without having to buy their attention, as I felt I needed it with Bethany. And if I'm happy like this with just the two of them, I can't wait to see the others.

“So, you said you were reading your diary, did you remember anything else?” Leah asks excitedly.

All the happiness and euphoria that had surrounded my body disappears. The bloody page with the bloody day comes back into my mind. They both notice my mood drop.

“I remembered a day when I went to have coffee with Ash, but…” I play with the edge of my cup, trying not to get too much into that energy. “I found a day where I tell about what happened.” I look at them, who are serious and attentive.

“Do you want us to read it with you?” Leah holds my hand across the table, gently patting it.

I shake my head positively and point to the notebook on the coffee table in the living room. I watch her return with the notebook and hand it to me. I open it to the marked page and stare at my handwriting again.

"I haven't had the courage to tell either Ashton, Leah, or much less Luke. I can't tell if I'm ashamed of it or just afraid of it happening again. The problem is that it's really starting to get to me, to the point where I get irritated when I see Luke and Leah talking and it shouldn't be like that. So I need to get it all out so that I can start over.

It was our anniversary. I snuck out of my work to see Stephen at his house. I wanted to deliver his gift soon. Two streets before his house I ran into Noelle, his mother, and told her I wanted to surprise him, so she told me to get the key under the third vase and go in.

Maybe it would have been better just to ring the doorbell and not have to see it. I was very quiet so as not to be discovered, and in the end, I was the one who discovered something."

My racing heart hurts from beating so hard. I can't keep my breathing normal, holding it at various times. I feel like it's a suspense book where no one wants to find out what's behind the door of the abandoned house, but needs to, in order to continue the story.

I notice in some letters and words the ink smudged and I know it was from my tears and it only hurts me more.

"There is no word to describe the disgust, pain, and anger of seeing him and her in bed naked. My until then boyfriend, and my until then best friend.

And what only made it worse was that she didn't even try to explain herself, didn't show an ounce of regret, even if it was a pretense. Nothing. While he tried to say it was nothing like that, Bethany still says it had been going on for a long time."

I close the journal angrily and throw it away, stopping on the other side of the long table. The lump in my throat gets bigger, but I don't want to cry, not for this and not again.

Deep down, I have always had a flea behind my ear with the two of them. The countless rides Stephen insisted on giving her. The way she always motivated me to fight with him, for reasons I thought were small and insignificant. But it was my first serious relationship, what did I know about dating, right? Bethany, on the other hand, had dated seriously twice.

It had always been there, I just didn't want to see it.

“I always suspected it and never, never wanted to believe it. After all, he was my boyfriend and she was my best friend. They wouldn't be able to.” I let out a humorless laugh.

The twins look at me fearfully, as if I were a mother scolding them.

“But you know what the worst part is? I believed him. He looked me in the face and said that nothing happened. That Luke was to blame for our breakup! How stupid of me!” I shout, picking up the diary and throwing it further away, as if it would hurt Stephen.

“Wait, what?” Leah speaks loudly.

I look at her startled and realize what I said. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I didn't want anyone to know about the meeting.

“You met with Stephen? When?” she turns the table around, coming closer. I swallow dryly.

“Yesterday morning," I begin softly, but it was enough for Leah to cover her eyes with her hands and snort. Noah laid his head on his arms, sighing as well. “I was confused and needed to hear and see him.” I start to defend myself.

“After everything your mother told you about him?” Leah asks.

“And you think I would believe her? Would you? With amnesia on account?” I retort. Leah takes a deep breath and denies it with her head, giving me reason.

“But you could have told, or asked, I don't know.” Noah ponders.

“Nobody would have let me, I know nobody likes him and rightly so.” I give in.

“That explains a lot.” Leah comments softly, but loud enough for me to hear.

“Explains what?” I ask confused.

She looks at Noah, who nods, giving her the green light. Like me, she swallows dryly before she begins.

“Explain why Luke is so grouchy and weird. Not wanting to come see you.” he answers, poking at the seam of the chair.

NO! No! No! No! No! Please, no. He can't have seen.

“You have to take me to his house.” I ask, heading for the hall.

“What?” the two shout following me.

“I need to talk to him. Now!” I shout the last part, putting on a jacket with some difficulty.

“But why?” Noah helps me.

“Because I think he saw something that wasn't supposed to happen and got it wrong.” I open the door, going to call the elevator.

“Oh, no!” they understand and soon follow me.

Things between Luke and me may be messed up, but the last thing I want him to think is that I cheated on him.

[wonkasmissstarshine]

The Chocolatier’s Rose {Willy Wonka x OC} Ch. 9

GIFs not mine. Credit go to owners.

Summary: Willy shows his guests the Inventing Room. And Violet’s gum chewing comes back to bite her in the butt.

A/N: This is where it starts getting really fluffy between Rose and Willy.

Tagging: @holdmeicant​ @willymywonkers​

Willy got out of the boat first so he could usher everyone out of it. Rose was the last one to step off, and being the clumsy girl she was, she managed to trip over her feet. Luckily, she was caught by a pair of arms.

"It's alright, starshine" Willy whispered to Rose.  "I've got you"

"Thanks" She muttered softly to him, looking up at the face of her saviour. Her heart began to beat faster when she realized how close their faces were. The tips of their noses were touching.

It felt like it was only them in their own little world until the sound of someone clearing their throat reeled them back into reality. Rose and Willy turned their heads to see everyone staring weirdly at them. Well, everyone except for Charlie who had a wide grin on his face.

The two lovebirds stepped away from each other. Rose walked over to Charlie. She could feel a set of eyes glaring into the back of her head. She turned her head to see Mrs Beauregarde's eyes flared with jealousy. Rose just decided to ignore the woman for now. The door to the Inventing Room opened, and Willy led everyone inside.

Rose's eyes lit up in fascination when she saw all the machines and flasks, the smoke and colourful liquids. "Now this is the most important room in the entire factory!" Willy explained and then he cautioned. "Now, everyone enjoy yourselves, but just don't touch anything. Okay? Go on!"

Every child was quick to run off, except for Charlie. He looked up at Rose, and she gave him a nod with a smile. Charlie then walked off. He was definitely the most behaved child here, well, the only behaved child. Rose went off to do some exploring of her own. She felt the presence of someone come to stand next to her. She turned her head to see Willy.

"Does anything in particular catch your eye?" He asked her curiously, playfully bumping his shoulder against hers.

"It's hard to say" Rose said, smiling up at him. "Everything here is so fascinating" A smile danced across Willy's lips. He was glad the girl was enjoying herself. He looked down to see that their hands were nearly touching. Rose didn't seem to notice yet though. He was about to make a bold move, and lace their fingers together, but the moment was ruined.

"Hey, Mr Wonka! What's this?" Violet called loudly from a pool with windows which she and Mike were looking at. Oompa-Loompas were swimming inside it.

Willy pursed his lips in annoyance, glancing in the child's direction. He just wanted one uninterrupted moment with Rose. "Oh! Let me show you!" Willy's annoyance was replaced with excitement when he saw what Violet and Mike were standing by. He walked over, and an Oompa-Loompa emerged from the water. He handed Willy a red ball. "Thank you!" He said the Oompa-Loompa. Everyone gathered around Willy to hear what he had to say. "These are Everlasting Gobstoppers. They're for children who are given very little allowance money. You can suck on it all year, and it'll never get any smaller. Isn't that neat?"

"It's like gum" Violet compared.

"No" Willy disagreed. "Gum is for chewing. And if you tried chewing one of these Gobstoppers, you'd break all your little teeth off" He admired the piece of candy wearing a proud smile. "They sure do taste terrific"

He walked off to the next machine and everybody followed after him. "And this is Hair Toffee" He picked up a piece of candy that looked similar to chewy caramel. "You suck down one of these little boogers, and in exactly half an hour, a brand new crop of hair will start growing out all over the top of your little noggin. And a moustache. And a beard"

"Who wants a beard?" Mike asked, clearly not impressed.

"Well," Willy paused a moment as he thought of an answer. "Beatniks for one. Folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I'm laying down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!" Willy stretched his hand out to Mike, waiting for the boy to give him five. Mike didn't, he just glanced weirdly at the man. Willy pulled his hand back when he realized Mike wasn't going to do anything.

"Unfortunately, the mixture isn't quite right yet because an Oompa-Loompa tried some yesterday, and well, he...." As if on cue, an Oompa-Loompa resembling Cousin Itt walked over. He had hair all over, it was a wonder he could even see where he was going. "How are you today?" Willy asked the Oompa-Loompa. It held up two thumbs. "You look great!"

Then finally, Willy led everyone over to a machine where an Oompa-Loompa had dumped various foods into it. "Watch this!" Willy said excitedly and then pulled on a lever.

The machine whirred and buzzed, bubbled and smoked, until it was finished and dispensed the finishing product. A stick of gum. Violet took it and examined it.

"You mean that's it?" Mike said, unimpressed yet again.

"Do you even know what it is?" Willy mocked Mike's tone.

"It's gum" Violet stated.

"Yeah! It's a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe! Know why? Know why?"

Rose could tell how excited Willy was about the gum so she decided to play along with him. "Why is it the most amazing and sensational gum?" She asked, tilting her head curiously.

"This gum is a full three course dinner all by itself!"

"Why would anyone want that?" Mr Salt asked.

Willy reached into his coat pockets and grabbed the flash cards. He flipped through them until he found the right one, and began to read from it. "It'll be the end of all kitchens and all cooking. Just a little strip of Wonka's magic chewing gum and that is all you will ever need at breakfast, lunch and dinner. This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and blueberry pie"

"It sounds great!" Rose said.

"It sounds weird" Veruca judged.

"It sounds like my kind of gum" Violet decided. She took out the piece of gum she was currently chewing, and stuck it behind her ear. Rose cringed at the little blonde girl. That was utterly disgusting, and she was surprised that Violet didn't get the stuff stuck in her hair.

"I'd rather you didn't" Willy warned. "There's still one or two things that are—"

Violet interrupted him. "I'm the world record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!" She shoved the fresh stick of gum in her mouth, all while Mrs Beauregarde was smiling pridefully at her daughter.

Violet began chewing and Mrs Beauregarde asked her, "How is it, honey?"

"It's amazing! Tomato soup! I can feel it running down my throat!"

"Yeah!" Willy nodded and smiled nervously. "Spit it out!"

Rose even tried getting Violet to stop. "Young lady, I think you'd better—"

She was rudely interrupted by Violet as the gum changed tastes. "It's changing! Roast beef with baked potato! Crispy skin and butter!"

"Keep chewing, kiddo!" Mrs Beauregarde encouraged her daughter. Rose rolled her eyes. She was just as bad as her daughter. "My little girls gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!"

"Yeah," Willy said, still feeling anxious. "I'm just a little concerned about the—"

"Blueberry pie and ice cream!" Violet said.

"That part"

Veruca noticed something odd. "What's happening to her nose?" Everyone looked at Violet to see what Veruca was talking about. A little speck of blue appeared on the tip of Violet's nose and very quickly began to spread.

"It's turning blue!" Mr Salt exclaimed.

Violet looked up at her mother. "Your whole nose has gone purple!" Mrs Beauregarde said.

"What do you mean?" Violet asked as she touched her nose.

"Violet, you're turning violet!" Violet's eyes widened in fright as she looked at Willy. Mrs Beauregarde looked at him as well and asked, "What's happening?"

"Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert" Willy explained. "It's the blueberry pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry" He ducked down and hid behind the machine.

Violet's whole face had gone blue, and now her hands and hair were turning blue as well. The colour change was even affecting her clothes. "Mother, what's happening to me?" Violet asked, feeling horrified as she looked at her hand. Everyone backed away from her. If the colour change wasn't bad enough, Violet also started to engorge.

"She's swelling up!" Rose noted.

"Like a blueberry!" Charlie added.

Once Violet was completely blown up, Willy appeared from behind Mrs Beauregarde. He spooked her as he told her. "I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompas, and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!"

"But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter!" Mrs Beauregarde shook her head at him. "How is she supposed to compete?"

"That's what you're concerned about?" Rose asked the woman, completely appalled. "Honestly, your daughter is blue and as a big as a hot air balloon, and the thing you're worried about is competitions? Maybe if you had been a better parent, then--"

"Don't you tell me how to parent my child!" Mrs Beauregarde snapped at Rose. Rose flinched a her tone, but she decided against arguing with her any further.

"You could put her in a county fair!" Veruca chirped, a little too happy about the situation.

Suddenly, the machines in the room began making a rhythm. Rose knew that the Oompa-Loompas were going to start singing again, and she was excited to hear them. Some Oompa-Loompas emerged from the smoke and they began to sing. Willy started dancing to the song, and Rose couldn't help but dance too.

Listen close, and listen hard,

The tale of Violet Beauregarde

This dreadful girl she sees no wrong

Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long

Chewing, chewing all day long.chewing,

Chewing all day long.

Chewing, chewing all day long.

She goes on chewing till at last

Her chewing muscles go so fast.

And from her face her giant chin

Sticks out just like a violin

Chewing, chewing all day long. chewing,

Chewing all day long.

Chewing, chewing all day long

For years and years she chews away

Her jaw gets stronger every day.

And with one great tremendous chew

They bite the poor girls tongue in two

And that is why we try so hard

To save miss Violet Beauregarde

Chewing, chewing all day long chewing,

Chewing all day long

Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long

As the song ended, Willy kept dancing, and an angry Mrs Beauregarde approached him. The look she had on her face was one of pure anger. When he noticed Mrs Beauregarde, he stopped dancing and looked at the Oompa-Loompa that approached. "I want you to roll Miss Beauregarde into the boat and take her along to the Juicing Room at once, okay?"

The Oompa-Loompa crossed its arms over its chest. "The Juicing Room?" Mrs Beauregarde repeated. "What are they gonna do to her there?"

"They're gonna squeeze her!" Willy answered with a wild grin. "Like a little pimple!" Mrs Beauregarde's eyes widened and her mouth opened in horror. "We gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately"

Without another word, Mrs Beauregarde ran over to help the Oompa-Loompas push Violet out of the room. Willy faced everyone. "Come on, let's boogie!" He beckoned. Everyone began moving along, but Rose was stopped when she felt Willy gently grab her arm. She looked at him to see him smiling wildly at her. "Close your eyes and hold out your hands!"

"Okay" She said. Rose closed her eyes, cupped her hands together and held them out. She could feel something being dropped in her hand. Her hands closed together around whatever had been put in her palms. Then she could feel a pair of hands wrap around her own. Her hands were being guided until she felt something soft brush against the back of one of her hands.

That's when she opened her eyes to see Willy pressing a gentle kiss to her hand. Rose's lips parted slightly, and her eyes locked with his. The two of them shared an intense stare. Willy released her hands and he smirked at her. "Come along, starshine"

Willy walked off. That's when Rose looked down at her hands to see what he had given her. It was the Everlasting Gobstopper. She grinned at the candy and started walking again.

[stardust-static]

Speaking of Toby, yesterday when Bailey and I went on that hike from hell someone's little shit dog pissed me off. First it was off leash.. which is annoying. Secondly this little powder puff charges towards Toby (who is on leash) and it's people just yell "is he friendly??" at us while their dog is charging towards a now very on guard Toby. So I responded "um, it depends...". Toby is friendly, however, he won't take another dogs alpha complex shit.. so then the dog reaches Toby and they're sniffing eachother and little shit powder puff starts doing a low growl and lunges and snaps at my 100lb great pyrenees, and luckily Bailey was quick and snatched Toby by the collar before he could make a meal out of that stupid little creature. I don't even know if he would. Toby just snapped back at it and then he started growling too. I just know that Toby has always been apprehensive of other dogs. I got him when he was very young and socialized him by taking him to puppy classes with other dogs and taking him in public, but when another dog gets too rowdy with him he always reacts. He's never bit another dog, but he'll growl and show his teeth and snap at them. From what I've learned of his breed they are protective dogs. So I try not to put him in situations where he'd feel the need to be overly protective. Like I stopped taking him to the dog park when he started getting bigger, because I started to learn about dog posturing and was noticing the other male dogs challenging him, and I really didn't want him to get in a fight especially because he was already so insecure around other dogs.. but he loves my parents dogs. They're very chill and he's always super excited to see them when he does, and they play really cute together. He gets along with his brothers and Baileys sisters dog. He hates my sisters corgie though.. they're living with us right now and he has to stay on the bottom half of the property because him and Toby dont get along. He'd come inside and immediately start growling and barking and snapping at Toby, and one day Toby just layed him out and sent him away screaming, and ever since then when they bring him in Toby just wants to kick his ass and they go after eachother. So he's not allowed in our house anymore. yeah.. I'm just trying to keep Toby in positive situations when it comes to other dogs. Therefore it's annoying when people have their dogs off leash places. The wife apologized about her dog, but the husband picked his dog up and walked several paces off the path and he was like "do you got him? He's not going to come after us?" Like, yes, bitch... my dog is actually on a leash. Just because your dog is little doesn't mean it's cute and harmless. My dog protected himself and his family, and we had full control of him. Your dog charged and snapped at mine. Like??? Ugh... It sucks I wish I could just take my dog on a walk without having to worry about an off leash dog approaching us like that. I'm really trying to socialize Toby and situations like that don't help at all.

I would like to save up and have him professionally trained though. I would really like to work with his insecurity around other dogs and him not being so reactive if another dog were to growl at him. I want him to be able to focus more on us and walking away.

Sooo yeah... I'm gonna save up to take him to a legit training facility that will teach me how to work with my stubborn farm dog.. 😅 he's an angel though. Such a lover boy.. Here's him sleeping with his kitty. 🥰

[harry-styles-sunflower]

Meeting You In The Hallway Part 3

a/n: HII lovely people! I hope you are all doing well today! This is part 3 of Meeting you in the Hallway.

What it is: You move into the apartment across the hall from Harry and you begin a friendship which you both want more from but can’t communicate that want.

Word Count: 4k 

Warning: fluff, angst, cursing, and sexual tension again bc why not.

Lil fun fact: new character in this part named Derek, there's ~some~ (honestly a lot of truth) truth to this character. Different name obvs. If you wanna picture somebody, picture Jacob Elordi, because that’s kind of what the real dude looks like.

Pls reblog if you like it 😊 Thank you for all the support so far! Means the fuckin world! Lot of dialogue in this one, let me know if yall like that or not. I think there will be one more part which will wrap this all up. 

~~~

You both decided to just sit in silence after you ate, just laying your heads back.

"Do you have morphine?"

"Harry just because I work in a hospital doesn’t mean I have hard drugs lying around my apartment"

"Thought you could sneak some, excuse me" he waves his hands up in surrender.

You sigh, "No, there's a thing called inventory that gets checked every day. And what is it with you and morphine?"

"What do you mean?"

"It was in your song yesterday"

His head quickly looks over at you, "You remember yesterday?"

"I remember everything before the tequila shots" you pinch the bridge of your nose.

"Oh okay" he avoids your question about morphine and maybe if you didn't have a headache you'd keep pushing for an answer.

Your phone rings and it’s an odd looking number, its 10 digits long.

"Har, look at this number"

He looked over before laying his head back against your couch, "Its European"

"European?" you picked up, "Hello?"

"y/n?"

"Yeah who's this?"

Harry was listening, just didn’t show it.

"Hey um, it’s me, Derek. I don’t know if you remember me"

"Oh yeah. Sorry give me a sec." You pressed the mute button, double checked it was on, then whisper yelled, "holy fucking shit!!"

"What? Who's Derek?"

"This guy I had a hugee crush on in college. He was a year above me. We helped each other in Psych. We wo- hold on I need to answer him" you unmuted the call.

"Hey Derek"

"Hey um I was just wondering if you still lived here? In New York. I'm here for a trade meeting."

"Trade meeting?"

"Yeah with my agent, remember? Basketball?"

"Oh yeah, right. Okay. Um yeah I actually live in the city now"

"Oh, that’s great. Did you wanna grab dinner sometime? I’m here until Friday"

"Y-yeah we could settle on something"

"Okay. I'll uh text you a time and date"

"Yeah okay. Cool"

"Cool. Uh bye"

"Bye" you hung up quick. "Holy shit"

"That was the worst conversation I've ever heard in my life" he laughed.

"Shut up we were both nervous" you hit him with a pillow.

"Who is he again?"

"Long story short, we took Psych together in college and he was on the basketball team so every girl was obsessed but we would hang out all the time. A few nights before he graduated, we had like a moment. It was so romantic," you blushed thinking about it and Harry hated it, "and well, the next week he was gone to play basketball in Europe. It was like maybe right person but wrong time?" Harry swallowed before facing you, "Does that mean you see a future with him? If it was right person, wrong time?"

You looked at him and shook your head, "A girl could dream but I don’t know. I don't think I know him the way I used to you know? It's been like 4 years."

"But you're going on a date"

"No harm in that, right?" For some reason it was like you wanted his permission.

"Yeah, I guess, you said he played basketball in Europe?"

"Yeah, his name is Derek Belov, he's really tall."

"Belov? You're joking me."

"I'm not, you know him?"

"Yeah," he shrugs, "he's big over there. Only over there I guess."

You shrug, "I could honestly care less about it. He's a cool guy in general"

"I have a headache, I'm gonna lay down" he says as he adjusts himself on your couch and puts his feet in your lap. He puts your tv on and watches the office.

You check your phone and Derek had texted you about seven minutes ago. It’s alright though because you didn’t want to seem too excited. You two began texting and settled on a date that night. He swore he didn’t need to fight off the jetlag so you agreed. He'd pick you up at 6, It was almost noon now, so you had plenty of time.

"I'm leaving at 6, he'll pick me up."

"The least he could do, will it be a limo?" you could hear the bitterness in his voice but you blamed it on his hangover.

"No." you slid down your couch and harry tucked your feet under his arm while keeping his eyes on the tv.

You stayed like this for a while, you set an alarm for four o'clock so you wouldn't let time escape.

"Har, when was the last time you went on a date?" you wondered if this could answer your question from last night. If Harry was hooking up with somebody.

" I don't know why?"

"Well like years, months, weeks?"

"Month or so I guess"

"Oh okay, I was just wondering. I guess you could relate to me then. Dating life."

"Yeah sure"

He was being super dismissive and you hated it. You were tired of it actually. You sparked 0 conversation and once your alarm went off, he went back to his apartment and you got ready.

 ~~~

When harry got back to his apartment he felt angry. Angry with the way you spoke about that Derek guy. The fact that you were going on a date with him. He wanted to ruin your plans but he knew he couldn't be selfish. He felt bad for not being the supportive friend he knew you wanted in that moment. With a big sigh and heavy heart, he walked across the hall and knocked on your door 3 times.

You slowly went to open the door, already annoyed with Harry, you opened it with an eyeroll.

"What Harry?"

"I've come in peace," he said with a cheesy smile, "Look I'm sorry for being dismissive earlier I was really just not feeling well and well I'm sorry. Can I help you pick out your outfit now or whatever a girlfriend of yours would do? I even volunteer to do your makeup"

You rolled your eyes and opened the door wider, " Fine. Help me pick an outfit and I wanna borrow the earrings you have on. I like the simple loop look" you said as you walked deeper into your apartment.

"Deal."

You walked into your bedroom where you had a black lace lingerie set on your bed. Harry pretended he didn’t see it as he sat down next to it on your bed.

"I think I might wear a blouse with some high waisted jeans?”

"Yeah I mean why not just go comfy. Wear sweats and a baggy tee. I could lend you one of mine." He winked towards you.

"Harry," you gave him a warning look, "We're having dinner at a restaurant, I'm not gonna wear sweatpants." you looked through your closet and grabbed some black high waisted skinny jeans and tossed them towards Harry. They hit him right in the chest.

"Hey," he grinned at you and laid the jeans flat on your bed. "So is your theme black tonight." he said referencing to the lingerie on your bed.

"Um, I don't know. I think I got too excited. I don't think I'm gonna actually wear it."

"How come? You don't want something to happen?" He hoped not but he kept that to himself.

"I don’t need lingerie to make something happen Harry." he loved your confidence but he hid his smile and nodded.

You grabbed a light blue silky button up blouse from your closet and turned around to face him. "So, I'm thinking tuck the shirt in, roll up the sleeves, and white vans?"

"Sounds.. good"

You nodded and stepped in between his legs from where he was sitting on your bed and then got down to your knees and reached under your bed reaching for a box. The sight made him want to pull you on top of him but he knew he couldn't. Were you teasing him? You pulled a small box and placed it on his lap. Which he was a little thankful because his bulge was only growing in his pants.

"It's my jewelry box, could you pick out some bracelets or something?"

"Yeah, okay" he nodded.

As he kept his head down you went behind him to take off your shirt. You buttoned it up and then jumped into your jeans. Once you finished you faced his front again.

"Should I leave the top two unbuttoned or three?" you said as you unbuttoned a third to show. It showed more cleavage but still wasn't too much.

He rubbed his head and looked anywhere but your chest for too long. "I think two is fine. Leave three for another time. It's still just the first date"

"Aw Harold, you think I'm getting a second date? You're getting better at this girlfriend thing."

"Yeah yeah, here" he passed you his choice of bracelets and his earrings that he took off and you put them on. You enjoyed the fact that you could do this with him.

He grabbed your wrist and turned you around slowly so you were facing your full-length body mirror. You saw him lift his cross necklace above his head and then over yours. He adjusted it between your breast which made you suck in a breath. He felt satisfied when he heard your breath hitch just little bit.

"For good luck." But really he wanted you to remember him while you were out.

You looked him in the eyes through the mirror and whispered, "You don't have to, I've never even seen you take this off"

"Don’t worry about it" He leaned forward and moved your hair to the side and kissed your cheek.

His lips lingered on your cheek for a bit until you heard a knock on your door. You both jumped and walked away from each other.

"I could get it if you want. I know you need to put your shoes on and whatever else."

"Y-yeah please." You felt so confused. You were so excited to go on this date but now you just wanted to stay home with Harry. Feeling his lips on your cheeks made you want to stay and feel his lips on yours. You finished tying your shoes and put some mascara and light makeup.

Harry approached the door and took in a deep breath. When he opened the door, Harry wanted to say "what the fuck" but he actually said,

"Hello, I'm Harry"

"Oh uh, I think I've got the wrong place"

"Looking for Y/n?" he fucking hated that he had to look up to this guy. Damn basketball player, his guess was 6"7. (Derek was actually 6"9)

"Yeah?"

"Yeah she's in here, come in"

"Oh okay," he crouched down just a little to walk. "Do you live here?"

"No across the hall, I'm Y/n's best friend" he grinned. They walked into your living room and took seats waiting for you. Derek nodded at Harry's answer and rubbed his hands against his thighs. Harry noticed his nervousness and debated whether or not to use this to his advantage.

"So where are you taking her?"

"A restaurant, near the Statue of Liberty."

"Nice. Been there before?" maybe with another woman?

"No, actually" Derek looked around like he was becoming impatient with Harry.

You walked out and Derek stood up instantly.

"Wow, y/n it’s so nice to see you," he said as he bent down to give you a hug. It was almost a 2-foot height difference. Harry looked away as it happened. You hugged him back remembering his smell. Some Armani cologne if you remember correctly. Different than Harry's Tom Ford one but why were you even thinking of Harry?

"You too. Let's go? I'm hungry."

"Still the same I see"

"Old habits die hard," you winked. "Har, close the door behind you?"

He nodded at you. You felt bad for some reason and walked over to him and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for everything," you smiled up at him.

"Yeah, no problem." he blushed but you couldn't tell in this lighting.

As you were walking out your apartment with Derek beside you, you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. You reached into your pocket behind you and saw Harry had texted you.

H: Let me know when you get home please? Or if you stay at his place? Just wanna know you’re okay. Xx

Y/n: most likely coming home H, I’ll let you know tho :)

Harry debated whether or not to ask if she wanted him to stay at her apartment but he didn’t want to intrude on her plans if she wanted to bring Derek back home. He hoped not. He decided to just not answer.

You and Derek approach the elevator and wait.

“I like your necklace, it’s nice”

“Oh yeah, thanks” you fiddled with it.

The elevator doors opened and you made small talk all the way until the restaurant. You had finally made it to Gigino’s, an Italian restaurant by the waterfront at Wagner Park. It was beautifully lit. You’d never been on a date quite like this one. After you finished ordering your drinks, you spoke up.

“I’m surprised you remembered me. It’s been so long”

"I honestly couldn't forget you" he smiled but looked down trying to hide from you.

You bit the inside of your cheek and reached over to put your hand over his. He looked different, more manly.

"How's the big dream been?"

"More exhausting than I thought it would be. I thought college ball was similar to professional but they're nowhere near close. How's nursing?"

"Good, I have many kids I like to think are my own. I work on the pediatric cancer floor."

"Oh wow, that must be tough"

"It can be, can also be rewarding."

"I'm sure you're great for the job"

"Thank you."

Your food came interrupting your conversation but you didn't really mind. You ordered tagliatelle with mixed shellfish. You nearly moaned at the first bite, it was so good.

"So, Harry.. Best friend he says?"

You laughed a little, "Yeah, the bestest." you couldn't believe Harry said that. You weren't mad, you were humored.

"How long have you known him?"

"Few months"

"He hang around a lot?"

"Derek? Why the 20 questions?"

"Sorry, sorry, I was just wondering. Threw me off I guess." He sipped his wine.

"It's okay. Um yeah, I moved in and we became really good friends. We're just always there for each other. That's all." Lies.com.

"Okay. Could I be honest though?"

"Yes," Here we go…

"He likes you."

"Oh my god Derek," you rubbed your temples.

"He does okay, a guy can tell. I really don't care though. I mean, you're here with me right now."

You didn’t know how to take his last comment. Was it cocky? Was it trusting? Genuine? You felt awkward. You just continued eating quietly.

"I'm sorry, I've gone and made this awkward haven't I?"

"Yep."

You had lost your appetite and so you told the waiter you'd like to take the rest home. Derek had finished his plate.

"Dessert?" the waiter asked with his thick Italian accent and gave you the menus. You looked it over and saw the chocolate covered strawberries with whipped cream. Your weakness.

"Do you still like chocolate covered strawberries?"

A little surprised you looked up from the menu and nodded. Derek ordered for you and bought himself a tiramisu.

"Surprised you remembered that too."

"y/n, I don’t think you realize that I was in love with you."

Was.

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious! I was. But I had to leave, my dad would've killed me if I didn’t continue his legacy in the game."

"Yeah I know, how is Mr. Bolev?"

"We don't talk."

"Oh." Now you made it awkward. This night was becoming… disastrous?

"Well, yeah I was. I wish I'd said it sooner, who knows what would've happened."

Maybe it was the wine, but you felt a little tingly. You sipped and squinted at him.

"Yeah, who knows?"

"Care to find out?" he grinned.

"Can't go back in time sweetheart."

"No but maybe I could show you something similar."

You laughed and stayed quiet as the waiter came out with your strawberries. He watched you as you ate your strawberries. You might've been doing it a little seductively if you were honest. You wiped the corners of your mouth with your finger and sucked on them lightly.

"Fuck," he mumbled and called the waiter over. "Check please?"

You laughed and drank your water. You’ve had enough wine.

"Do you wanna walk around the park?"

"Its dark," you leaned in to whisper, "There's rats. I've seen them"

"Holy shit, no way."

You nodded his way and he looked around nervously. You giggled at how big he was yet scared of a tiny, well sometimes big, rat. He paid quickly and grabbed your hand running out of there. You made it to his car and got in.

"So, where to?"

"Um where you got me from?"

"Right." You don’t know why, but you wanted to feel something. You wanted to see if there was anything there still. He was nice, but he wasn’t… he wasn’t what you thought you wanted anymore. If things went wrong you could blame it on the wine. You leaned across the center console before he could pull out of his parking spot and grabbed his face and kissed him. He kissed you back instantly and you felt nothing. Nada. You kissed him deeper trying to find something, anything. You just had a romantic dinner and now felt nothing? What sick game was life playing? He placed his hand on your hips and encouraged you get on top. You complied and straddled him. Now you felt something. He was already hard and he felt big. You had this internal battle in your head of whether you should grind on him or not. You didn’t want to give him the wrong intention. What were your intentions?

"You're here till Friday?" you asked breathing a little heavy.

"Yeah," he licked his lips and you kissed them again.

Maybe a hookup wouldn't be horrible. But maybe not on the first date.

"You free tomorrow?"

"Mhm," he kissed you and you leaned against his wheel setting the horn off. You both jumped and laughed. He put his hand on your cheek and kissed you softly. "Let’s get out of here?"

You nodded and he drove to your building.

"Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?" he looked over at you as he put the car in park.

"Yeah. I'll text you when I'm free and stuff."

"Okay." Maybe he expected an invitation upstairs but you weren't in the mood to give him one. You really wanted to go upstairs and knock on Harry's door. You wanted to hang out with him. Derek reached his hand over and played with your, actually Harry's, necklace. Little did he know... He tugged it lightly and leaned in towards you. You gave him a quick kiss and said goodnight. You practically ran inside wanting to change. You went into your apartment and changed into some pajama shorts and a baggy t shirt. You put your slippers on and walked across the hall and knocked three times. You heard harry yell a, 'finally!' before he opened the door. When he opened the door, it seemed it wasn't you he was expecting.

"oh, y/n?" his eyes were red.

"Who were you expecting? Are you crying?"

"No um no, and pizza."

"Can I come in?"

"Um I don’t think that's the best idea."

"Harry what's going on?"

He leaned against the door so you could walk in. Lo and behold he was watching The Vampire Diaries without you. It was the scene where Damon was trapped on the Other side and told Elena how much he loved her but she couldn't hear him.

"Are you serious?"

"I got bored okay!"

"Were you crying over this scene?"

"Maybe."

"Aw, poor baby." you walked up to him and pinched his cheeks.

"How was your date?" he said as he pushed your hands down gently.

You stayed looking up at him, "It was good, food was good," he kept eye contact with you and you didn’t even realize he was still holding your hand.

"He didn't walk you up?"

"No, I kind of didn't let him. I wanted to hang out."

He gave your hand a light squeeze and tried to hide his smile. "Doesn't sound like it went all that well then"

"It was fine Har," you dropped his hands and walked towards his couch. "I should be mad at you for watching without me."

"I know, will you ever forgive me?" you both sat on his couch and he helped you put your legs on him. His fingertips left little flames on your skin.

You take off his necklace and crawl up to him and put it back around his neck.

"Back where it belongs." you twisted a curl from behind his neck around your finger.

"Did you know I used to have my hair really long? Like up to my collarbones?"

"Really?"

"Yeah," he pulled out his phone and showed you a picture. He looked so young. So handsome.

"I think you should grow it back out." you giggled.

"How come?" he settled his arm on your knees as you were still facing him on your knees on his couch.

"I don’t know," you ran your fingers through his hair, "you look handsome either way."

"You think I look handsome?" he looked up at you.

You nodded, scared to speak. You thought maybe you'd say something you might regret. Like how much you wanted to kiss him. Or how you wished Derek smelled like him. Or how you thought of him from time to time. He looked away from you and cleared his throat.

"I guess I should finish this episode."

You nodded and went back to laying down on the other end of the couch. Harry felt confused. You had just gone on a date and come back to him and called him handsome. Did you like him or not? You interrupted his thoughts when you spoke up.

"We kissed," you felt like you had to tell him, yet he felt he could live without that information. "but I didn't feel anything. Like those sparks you're supposed to feel. I don’t know."

Harry stared at the screen and just listened. He didn’t want to hear that you kissed but he did like that you didn't like it.

"But I'm supposed to see him again tomorrow, now that I'm here I kind of don't want to."

Harry sighed and turned off the tv. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Y/n, do you feel anything for me? Because I'm honestly fucking confused. You go out on a date with some guy and then come back here, touching me in some ways. Call me handsome. The other night you put your fingers through my belt loop-" he caught what he was saying when you gave him a confused look.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me"

"The other night, after my gig you were drunk and you pulled me towards you.. You didn't remember so I didn't remind you." He sighed heavily.

"Oh, I'm sorry I did that to you."

"I didn’t mind it"

"What's that supposed to mean"

You both sat up and faced each other. Sharing the middle cushion.

"Harry, do you feel anything for me?"

Part 4 is now up!

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah, Jac, Amelia & Isabelle

Savannah: What are we doing to get party ready? Savannah: because I vote we hit the spa to get our collective ✨ back Savannah: it should be ILLEGAL how my skin looks Jac: No way, I was JUST thinking how good your skin looked like THIS morning Jac: but it's never NOT a good time for the spa too though so 🤭 Savannah: your hype is everything! I don't even deserve how flawless you are in a beyond skin deep way Savannah: but yes to the spa being my go to fave ^^ Amelia: I can't Jac: only giving what you put out, it is beyond deserved ❤❤ Jac: Why not Meelie? Amelia: I'll be at the party but the only way I could be there too is if my mum comes with and NOBODY wants that Jac: Your mum is fun Amelia: not that fun Jac: Doesn't [some boujee place they'd like] have a 10% discount right now, Savvy? Jac: they do THE BEST facials Savannah: 👏🏾 Yes! You have the BEST taste & I think it's actually gone up to 15% 🙌🏾 Isabelle: Awh 😟 it sounds like so much fun but mine won't give me any money and I'm so broke after getting those new trainers Savannah: Don't be silly! It's totally my treat, Is Savannah: your pores shouldn't have to stay clogged for the sake of those trainers Jac: That is so generous of you 🥺🥺 Jac: I NEED a hot oil hair treatment like yesterday, I don't know why it's so dry right now but it's not a mood Savannah: your hair looked beautiful yesterday & if you don't believe me, I literally heard so many girls from the year above talking about it so Jac: 😳😳😳 Jac: well I KNOW Ty heard those 6th years talking about you, he was so jealous, bless him 🥰 Savannah: I was in the bathroom overwhelmed by sadness & I heard your name over & over, it felt seriously fated Savannah: oh my god, he refuses to tell me what they sad, I've given him the full 🥺 & everything Savannah: *said Amelia: maybe you need bigger eyelashes Savannah: Do you think? Jac: Oh my God, where even was I? Boo! 😖 You should have called so I could come find you Jac: no way, you like, INVENTED puppy dog eyes, your natural lashes are so thick and dark Jac: he's just saving your blushes, so cute Savannah: ugh, my phone was like dying because Sienna had all this drama with a girl in her class earlier Savannah: 🥰 you're so cute, I can't even handle all these compliments Jac: Is she okay or do we need to talk to this girl? Jac: her year is vicious, I swear Savannah: she says she's okay but she can't hide how upset she is from me Jac: You're way too empathetic, you know her inside out Jac: Poor Sienna, does she want to come too? Savannah: that's SUCH a great idea, I'll ask her Jac: We could all get matching nails Isabelle: Sorry...mum called Isabelle: won't that be really expensive though? are you super sure Sav? Savannah: of course, Is Savannah: it's not like I need a new outfit for Erin's house party Isabelle: Yay, thank you so much! 😁 So you can come too Meels? Amelia: No Amelia: it wasn't about the money, remember? Isabelle: 😥 you don't want to be left out though Amelia: there's nothing I can do about that Isabelle: oh that's such a shame Isabelle: I'll bring you back some of those mini cakes and sandwiches they do Amelia: thanks Amelia: I'll see you at Erin's Jac: Are you sure there's no way? Amelia: you've really forgotten the 📅 haven't you? Jac: Oh, it's her birthday Jac: right? Amelia: yeah Savannah: we should send her 💐 from all of us Savannah: I love your mum Jac: Are you definitely coming to the party then? Amelia: I'll be there Amelia: Erin throws a good party Jac: 💐 is a great idea, we can go pick them out Jac: what are you doing with her today then? Amelia: 🎭🩰 totally not my thing but my dad won't take her Amelia: she doesn't think I will either, so it'll be stay a huge surprise Jac: That's really nice, she'll love it Jac: I'd love to go sometime Savannah: Ballet lessons were the highlight of my Saturday when I was little, I was obsessed Savannah: mainly for the outfits though 😄 Jac: I can so picture you with your little bun 😊 adorable Savannah: [pics because she's that bitch] Jac: 😭😭😭😭 Jac: how have you always been PERFECT Jac: I was so ugly 😬😂 Amelia: no you weren't Jac: I so was Jac: you and Is were really sweet and I was so 😱😱 Jac: never mind the puppy fat, yikes Amelia: the fringe my mum forced me to have was not sweet 😣 Savannah: I'm with Amelia, you were definitely such an 👼🏻👶🏻 Amelia: she was Amelia: [pics of them all as kids but especially her being bffs with Jac to make that point to Savannah like] Jac: You guys are so sweet Jac: I love you Isabelle: I look exactly the same is that a good or a bad thing Amelia: 😂 Amelia: better than looking like 👧🏻 Amelia: I'm literally an emoji Isabelle: Iconic, some would say Isabelle: 🤭 Savannah: these pics are going to make me cry, I swear Savannah: too adorable Savannah: as if you've all been friends for so long Jac: It's so wild to me that we weren't friends before now Jac: we should've been friends this whole time too Savannah: I know, but I guess I wasn't ready until now Savannah: I had so much character development to do first Jac: 🙌🙏 ^^ SAME Jac: it had to be now Jac: you're all being nice about it but I would lowkey DIE if you knew me even a few years ago Jac: not cute Savannah: ^^^^^^ Savannah: Ty hasn't seen me before we got together & I 🙏🏾 he never will Amelia: he didn't go to another school, I think he knows that you existed before him Jac: the glo-up is too real to go back 💁 Savannah: I'm still waiting for my glow up Savannah: there's only so much the spa can do Jac: 😤 you're so FLAWLESS Jac: like literally, there isn't a single thing wrong with you Savannah: stop, I don't know if I'll start blushing or sobbing Isabelle: I would love to look like you, Savannah Isabelle: what should I wear tonight? Isabelle: I want Tom to notice me Savannah: I'm flattered but you need to embrace your own beauty, Is Savannah: it's so important Savannah: Oh, Tom R or Tom S? Isabelle: Ew, Tom S Isabelle: I made out with Tom R last year and it was baaaad bad Savannah: One second, I'll ask Ty about him now I have the right Tom Isabelle: I'm so excited I might puke Savannah: okay so he likes to make the first move, you'll need to dress like you're not the kind of girl who kissed Tom R Isabelle: How do I do that? I need help 😩 Savannah: maybe you can borrow something of Amelia's Isabelle: Can I Meels? Isabelle: I dunno if I'll suit your style though...I'm not cool Amelia: I couldn't get the grass stains out of the skirt you borrowed last time Isabelle: Whoops 😉 Amelia: and you don't need to dress to impress Tom S anyway, he's nothing special Isabelle: He's so lush though Amelia: 🤨 Isabelle: Come on! You have eyes Isabelle: isn't he so fit guys Savannah: I only have eyes for one boy, but he does have nice eyes himself Jac: You've done worse Isabelle: Yeah, Tom R for example Isabelle: 😨 Savannah: 😅 Savannah: You know who apparently is the worst kisser ever, Donovan! Savannah: have you ever kissed him, Is? Isabelle: Have I? Isabelle: 🤔 Amelia: he leaned in to 💋 but you 🤮 on his trainers Isabelle: Ha! Isabelle: Dodged a bullet, apparently Jac: He wasn't as fast Savannah: Oh my god! Jac: It was so shaming, we had to call her mum to pick her up Savannah: my parents would kill me Jac: Your mum is like, beyond chill, Is Jac: she lets you get away with loads Savannah: I'd be beyond jealous if I wanted to kiss Tom R, or fall down drunk in his path, at least Savannah: thankfully he's not my type Isabelle: Not even, she was so mad at me for ages Isabelle: I was sick in the fireplace Isabelle: it was so hard to clean Jac: Is that friend of Ty's going? Jac: 😶 Savannah: yes Jac: 🥴 Isabelle: oooooooooooooooooh, do you like someone J?!?!? Savannah: he doesn't usually go to house parties but as soon as he heard you were, he recognised that Erin's had potential Isabelle: who who Savannah: J doesn't want to make a big deal out of it Amelia: then why turn it into a big secret? Jac: It's no secret Jac: but Is has already got no chill and you know I'm shy Jac: I won't be able to cope with how blatant her 👀 is Amelia: you could've told me that you liked someone Jac: I am telling you Jac: like, right now Amelia: not really Jac: What do you mean? 🤨 Amelia: I mean, you're not actually telling me anything Jac: I'm not trying to like, commandeer this whole convo and make it about me Jac: but okay Jac: he's one of Ty's friends, he's on the team too Amelia: I could scroll up for that info but okay Jac: I don't know what you want me to say? Jac: I've not spoken to him properly yet, he's just interesting Amelia: interesting how? Jac: 😳 Savannah: is this third degree honestly necessary? Jac: maybe I shouldn't go now Jac: I'm feeling kinda off Savannah: Baby 😔 Savannah: we can do whatever you want to do Jac: No, I won't spoil your guys fun Jac: you should all go Savannah: it won't be any fun without you Savannah: & anyway, if you don't feel well you need someone there to take care of you Jac: You'd do that for me? Jac: you'll make me cry, I swear Savannah: It's just a stupid party, you're you Jac: Will Ty be mad at you? Savannah: of course not, all his friends will be there, he doesn't need me as much as you do Jac: I wanna still try to do the spa Jac: for Sienna Jac: but I just can't see him now, the anxiety is too high Savannah: she'll understand if we have to reschedule but it might make you feel better to be pampered Savannah: but I'll give you a facial if you can't cope with a full spa situation Savannah: it's totally your decision Jac: I do have this new mask I think will be amazing for your skin type Jac: bring Sienna, she can see the new pup we just got Savannah: you understand too, don't you, Is? Savannah: I'll take you for a manicure next week, I promise Isabelle: Oh, yeah, totally Isabelle: mum said it's too much to accept anyway Isabelle: Are you sure you don't want to come though? Isabelle: sounds like he really wants to see you Savannah: I'm here for you if you want any more outfit help for Tom, just facetime me Isabelle: Thank you sweetie, I'm really torn between these 3 dresses Isabelle: wait, 4 Isabelle: I'll definitely call Jac: You're a doll, Is Jac: Tom is gonna be 😍 Savannah: ^^ I can't wait to hear how blown away he is by you Isabelle: I'll give you all the rundown tomorrow morning 😁😁😁 Isabelle: do you want to go together, Meels? Amelia: I've got to put the time in with mum, I'll probably be late getting there Amelia: don't worry about waiting for me Isabelle: Okay, if you're sure Isabelle: come find me when you get there Amelia: yeah, Tom's tall, I'll be able to Isabelle: 🤤🤤🤤 Isabelle: he's so tall Amelia: play it cool, Is Isabelle: 😖 Savannah: you don't need to listen to Amelia, she's not an expert Amelia: I don't need to know about boys, I know her Isabelle: I don't wanna be sick on this one's shoes Amelia: of course you don't Amelia: trust me, drink less, dance more Jac: you should let him give you your first drink Savannah: 👏🏾 he'll LOVE that Isabelle: Ugh, thanks guys Isabelle: I am going to need to pre-drink though Isabelle: for my nerves Amelia: me too, for my 🎭🩰🧠 Jac: What ballet is it? Amelia: 🔥🐦 Jac: Your mum will love it Amelia: she hasn't already seen it, that's a good start Jac: I haven't either Jac: I mean, I just watch the performances at home but yeah Jac: we've sent the flowers via one of those postbox ones, they'll come tomorrow Amelia: she'll love those too Amelia: maybe even more than seeing me dressed for 🎭🩰 Jac: send us your outfit too then, yeah Amelia: no way, they're going nowhere but my mum's facebook Jac: I am her friend, you know Isabelle: hey, I'm not! Amelia: add her, she won't mind Isabelle: I'm so going to Isabelle: not my Insta though Isabelle: I've blocked mine 💁 Amelia: it's okay, I don't let her on my insta either any more Amelia: she leaves too many 😳 comments Isabelle: Mammys are the worst Isabelle: 😬😬 Amelia: at least she understands socials, my dad is clueless Amelia: and he's not THAT old Isabelle: My nan loves selfies Amelia: your nan is my everything Amelia: if I could bring her to the party tonight, I would Isabelle: 😂 you're so wild Amelia: tear yourself away from whichever Tom it is and you'll see Isabelle: not with Pam thank you 🤣 Isabelle: she has a boyfriend Amelia: get it Pamela Isabelle: his name is Brian Isabelle: they go down dolly mount every Friday, it's so cute Amelia: I'm so happy for them Jac: Awh, how sweet Jac: What about Jackie, has she been dating? Isabelle: She never tells me anything Isabelle: she says she's too busy working Amelia: Jackie doesn't need a man Isabelle: You sound just like her! Amelia: cut me deeper, Is 💔 Isabelle: sorry, you do though Isabelle: do you listen to the same female empowerment spotify playlist? Amelia: link me, I'd probably I'd be into it Isabelle: [does, imagine those single lady tunes lmao] Amelia: 😂 Amelia: this could save my life when I hate the 🎭🩰 Isabelle: no, no, take this Isabelle: [some dance sexy sassy playlist she's listening to] Amelia: you should send that one to Erin Amelia: save the party too Isabelle: Good idea Isabelle: [some cringy tiktok moment of her dancing, Isabelle stop] Amelia: [a video of amelia dancing amazingly at some party or other recently that Isabelle had to go home early from so she missed it, cos we gotta remind the lurking bae who we are] Isabelle: 🤯🤯🤯🤯 YOU'RE SO GOOD Isabelle: you should post! you'd get so many likes Amelia: I was so drunk, that's all Savannah: I can't believe that's you! Amelia: 🤔 am I flattered or offended Isabelle: Meels has always been a good dancer Isabelle: you should teach me Amelia: we can start tonight if it won't make Tom rage that he isn't teaching you something Isabelle: it's for his benefit Isabelle: so many lads are gonna be 😍 at you Amelia: they'll be looking at you if I do it right Isabelle: I'm fine with that 😋 Amelia: me too Jac: [some message between Ty and this Tom with some form of insider info they've made him get lol like you're welcome Isabelle but you also owe us now] Amelia: I'm seriously not understanding why you like him, Is Isabelle: 😲 OMG OMG Isabelle: it is so useful having a boy on our team Isabelle: thank you Ty, ahhhhhhh Isabelle: [pictures of him like hello] Savannah: We all want you to be happy Isabelle: 🥺🥺 awwwww Savannah: did you narrow down your outfit picks yet? Isabelle: no, I'm making toasties Isabelle: mum said I have to line my stomach 🙄 Jac: I hope that doesn't make a reappearance later Amelia: Erin's 🏠 is lovely, try not to redecorate it for her Amelia: can I stay over at yours, Is? Amelia: my parents will be all 😍🥰😘 Isabelle: 🤢🤢🤢 Isabelle: You can Isabelle: mum's on nights so she'll be gone and we won't have to worry about waking her up Amelia: if Tom's staying too, tell me now because that's as 🤢 Isabelle: Amelia! Amelia: I don't want to see or hear it, sorry Isabelle: he won't be staying, oh my gosh Amelia: okay Isabelle: I'm not a slag Isabelle: that's just what Kane put about when I dumped him for two-timing me Amelia: until I shut him up Isabelle: Ha, that was funny Isabelle: I thought he was gonna cry Amelia: he probably did when he went home Jac: 👏 Amelia: I should probably go get 🎭🩰 ready Amelia: 😣 this 👗 though Amelia: I'm going to look like I belong on Pam's 🚽 to hide her 🧻 Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like you can wear your grass-stained skirt Amelia: It's long gone Jac: Shame Amelia: yeah, I liked it Jac: and Is had a good time in it Jac: fond memories Amelia: I'm sorry, okay? Jac: ... Jac: What? Amelia: for the 'third degree' earlier Jac: Oh, right Jac: well thanks for apologising, that's mature of you Amelia: I can be, sometimes Jac: I wouldn't suggest otherwise Amelia: I just had no idea you liked any of Ty's friends Jac: It's not like a thing, is all Jac: I'm not like in love with the boy Jac: you'd know if it was serious Amelia: would I? Jac: Obviously Jac: don't be silly Amelia: I have to go, I wouldn't have time to be silly even if you wanted me to Jac: Make sure your mum has a good time then ❤ Amelia: she will, I've booked a dinner reservation and everything Savannah: That's so cute! I feel like I should be a better daughter starting today Jac: Same Jac: putting us all to shame Isabelle: I only got my mum a necklace from the market for her birthday Isabelle: and it made her neck go green 😩 Amelia: she's been annoying me less lately Amelia: actually being helpful Isabelle: 🥳🥳🥳 Amelia: I didn't realise she was good for advice AND gossip Jac: You know you can talk to us too, right Isabelle: ^^ We're your best friends forever Amelia: it's nothing, I thought I liked someone too but I got it wrong Isabelle: but you never like ANYONE Isabelle: no offence Amelia: none taken Isabelle: you'll find someone Meels 😙 Amelia: maybe Amelia: maybe not Isabelle: Of course you will, you're lovely! Isabelle: right girls Jac: But she can take as much time as she likes, Is Savannah: Ty has so many amazing friends when you are ready, but there's no rush Amelia: Thanks Sav, but they're not my type Jac: I hate to think of your mum waiting on her birthday Jac: you don't wanna be late because Is still hasn't picked an outfit Amelia: don't worry, I'm going Isabelle: See you at Erin's 💖 Jac: Later 👋 Amelia: yeah x 2

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

COTW 6 Full... I was in bed all of yesterday with a migraine and it's creeping back today. I'm so sorry for the delay in updates:(

It was like the previous night hadn't happened. Setting up near the water's edge, Eren looked amazing. Dressed in a loose white shirt and short white shorts, his long brown legs contrasted perfectly, as he caught the eye of everyone on the beach. Kicking back under the beach umbrella they'd rented, Eren was fussing over Viren as the boy tried to say no his floaties. It wasn't happening. No way was Levi risking his son's healthy and safety with that much water right in front of them. Pulling out his phone, Eren snapped photos of Viren, while Viren tried to escape to the water. Kissing the boy, Eren somehow seemed to get the photo he wanted, before looking up to him "Viren's ready for a swim, daddy. You should be the one to take him in. I can't swim" "You'll be fine. We're only going to the water's edge" "I don't feel that great. I think the rice from last night didn't agree with me. My stomach's been gross all morning" He'd probably thrown up so much that his muscles didn't know how relax "Are you sure?" "Yeah. I really want to get some good photos of you with Viren. He's so excited to be here" "If you want to go back to the hotel room, that's ok" "No. Family holiday remember. Besides, my two best boys make for the best targets" The smile that Eren gave him, seemed genuine enough. But the jealous stain on his heart, from the previous night, still left his blood cold. Distracting himself, he scooped Viren up "You're just going to take photos? Or record?" "Recording? Definitely recording. You two look so good together" "Ready?" "I'm more than ready" Viren cried the first time the cold water ran over his feet. His little legs marching up and down on the spot as he reached up Levi's hold. Eren was laughing as he watched. Slowly the pup seemed to realise that the water wasn't some big scary monster in the closet. Falling in his bum, he splashed his legs. The joy was obvious. This was what he thought being a family would be like. Him. Viren. Eren. All of them a team and force of their own. Abandoning his phone, Eren came to sit on Viren's other side while Levi helping Viren build sand piles, only for the waves to continually wash them away. The boy too curious about it all, to be mad at the fact his work was being wasted. Settling himself down, Eren's hand landing on their son's head as he adjusted his hat "He seems to love it" "He really does" "I got heaps of you two together. I want him to have these memories" "So do I. How do you feel?" "I'm ok... my stomach doesn't know what to do when I'm not throwing up" "Does it hurt?" "A little. But this is nice" "We should head back up to the hotel soon" "We only just got here" "It's getting hotter faster than I thought it would. Today would be better inside. We can look up tourist things" Eren hummed, looking up to the bright clear blue sky "Mmmm. The sun feels nice, but he's got such delicate skin like you do. You're already starting to burn" "And you're not?" "Nope. Because I put sunscreen on" "So did I" "Mine must be better than yours. Viren, baby. It's time to get out of the water" Trying to lift Viren, Eren groaned, releasing the boy as hand moved to his stomach "Eren?" "It's ok. My stomach's still sore... maybe today would be better if we found something else to do?" "There should be a museum or something around. If we can't find anything, we can always take a drive" "I thought you'd be sick of driving after yesterday" "It's all about making memories, isn't it?" Eren looked confused for a moment, before cringing, then smiling softly "Yeah. Do you want to convince him to get out of the water?" "I've got it. Will you be alright packing up?" "Yes, mum. I can handle packing up. Hey, there's a great bar around here, I found it last night. They're supposed to do lunch. We could there, I mean... if you want to?" Levi's breath caught momentarily. Eren was bringing up the bar. The alpha wasn't sure if it was the sun, or the deep shame he felt at mentally accusing Eren of cheating, that burnt at his cheeks... no. It had to be the sun. Alphas didn't blush! "Sounds good. Did you have a good time last night?" "I ordered a lemonade. Just because we're on holiday, doesn't mean that I'm off mum duty" "I never said it did. Let's head back up" Leaning over Viren, Eren pressed a sweet kiss to his lips "I love you. Just. Don't forget that" "I know" "Good. Let's get this one up and into a bath. Then it's food time" * Some how their trip to the beach had ended up taking up two hours. No wonder he'd started to burn. Heading into the bathroom with Viren, the boy didn't like the fact they weren't down at the beach anymore... and for a kid who's feet had barely touched the sand, he sure had a lot of sand over him... and in his mouth. He hadn't even seen the boy eating it. Cleaning the pup down, he carried Viren out to the living area so Eren could get him dressed. His omega busy rifling through his suitcase "Viren needs clothes" Dropping whatever was in his hands, back into his suitcase, Eren snapped it shut. Levi was getting real tired of Eren hiding whatever it was that he was "He looks like he needs a nap too. You don't mind waiting a little longer for lunch, do you?" "No... you really want to go back to that bar, hey?" "Yeah. It was... it was nice. And they were super friendly" "Oh, yeah?" "Yep. I think I might head back there tonight, if you don't mind" Levi's stomach did that annoying thing where it decided to drop again. Mental images flashing of Eren laughing with that stranger. And then. It was like the last two hours had never happened "Levi? Everything ok?" "What?" "You look like you have something to say" "It can wait" "Ok. Well. I have some things I want to talk to you about. I did some thinking last night, and I think I need to tell you" Eren did some thinking? This was it. His heart was racing. His mate was about to dump him. To dissolve the bond between them, and return the two rings that sat on his perfect finger... the two rings that were still waiting for a third to join them "Levi?" "Sure. Whatever. We'll talk. Viren needs clothes" Practically dumping their son on the bed, the boy jumped straight off, falling face first as he did. "Viren!" Screaming his name, Eren rushed to the boy "Levi! What the hell was that?!" "I didn't mean for him to fall" Lifting Viren off the floor, Eren nuzzled into the boy's hair as he hushed him "I don't know what your problem is, but go take a shower" "I didn't mean..." "Go shower. It's ok, baby. It's ok. You're ok" Rocking Viren was a bounce in his step, Eren shot daggers in his direction "Levi, go cool down. I can smell your anger" "I'm not angry" "Don't lie to me" "I'm not" "Is it the bar? We don't have to go. I just thought it would be a nice place to have lunch with you" His confusion and fear over having been the cause of his son's fear stripped away the filter on his mouth "Is it me you want to have lunch with? Or that man you were with last night?" Eren blinked at him, a confused and hurt expression clouding his face. He practically hissed in Levi's face "What?! What are you talking about?!" This was definitely not the time to be having this conversation. And now Eren was lying to him "Don't worry. I'm going for a shower" Stupid. Fucking. Shitty. Idiot. Scrubbing himself aggressively. He stayed under the cold spray until his scent was completely washed away. He'd just admitted to Eren that he'd stalked him again. That he didn't trust him. Forgetting to take clothes with him, he walked out wearing a towel. Eren was sitting on the end of their bed, the omega wiping at the tears rolling down his face while Viren was laying on his own bed, their son probably exhausted from all the fun and excitement the morning had brought "Eren... what's wrong?" "I worked it out. You weren't down at the car were you? You fucking followed me. I can't believe you" "You can't believe me?! I'm not the one who was letting a stranger buy me drinks! Is that why you want to go back? To see him again?!" "What? No. That was some random" "He brought you a drink and you fucking started acting like an idiot!" "His mate brought me a drink! When I sat down, he mistakingly thought I was interested in him and tried to tell me he was bonded. It was the only free seat at the bar at the time. I set him straight, and he went back to his mate. The drink was from her as a joke. God! Do you seriously think I would stoop to your level?!" "What's that supposed to mean?!" "You're the one who cheated Levi! I know it! I smelt omega and slick all over your pants and your arousal! I've been trying so hard to find a way back to you, but you don't even care" "I never fucking cheated on you!" "You're lying! Admit it! Admit it, Levi! You don't want me anymore! I'm useless!" "Don't you dare start with this fucking shit! I'm trying my hardest to do everything for you!" "You cheated on me! I smelt it!" "I never fucking cheated on you. My bosses mate went into heat and collapsed at work. She called me, because she needed help and needed an alpha she could trust. The whole time, I was thinking about how that could be you" "So you cuddled up with an omega in heat, thinking of me?! Is that supposed to make me feel better? I smelt your arousal!" "I wasn't aroused!" "Their slick was on your pants!" Eren's sobs grew harder "I knew it! I knew you didn't want me anymore!" "You're the one who doesn't want me!" "I've never wanted anyone or loved anyone more than you! You're everything to me! Everything Levi! You don't trust me! You... I never cheated on you. I never even had the thought to! You're the one who replaced me" "I never cheated either. I don't want anyone else! Why don't you get it!?" "Because I don't belong in this family! Not anymore!" "Yes you do! God. I can't live without you! I followed you last night because I was worried. It's not because I don't trust you, it's everyone else I don't trust! I don't want you hurt! I don't want you scared! I want you by my side forever!" "Then why aren't we married?! I thought we'd be married by now! I was so excited. I even started planning it. I even stupid changed my name to Eren Ackerman-Yeager on everything I could, because I was serious when I proposed to you! You're everything I ever wanted..." "Shit. Fuck. How the fuck did we end up like this? How did I hurt you so badly that you think and accept I would cheat on you?! Where did we go wrong?" Blinking through his tears, Eren started rummaging through his suitcase. His mate stopping once he'd found whatever it was he was looking for. Angered at his omega was disregarding such an important conversation, Levi snatched the box from his hands. His eyes widening as he read the name, his alpha barely contained "What the fuck is this?!" "What do they look like?" Despite the drop in volume, Eren's voice carried all the anger it had before. Miserably, Eren resumed wiping at his face "Eren?" A pup. Another child... His alpha was over the mood at the idea of another pup... and bit by bit the pieces came together for him. The way Eren said his pills stopped. He'd had to stop taking them, but couldn't tell him because he'd pushed him so far away he seriously believed Levi had cheated. The confusion Eren must have felt believing he was now his second choice. The struggles with Viren and getting the boy to show him love, even when Eren presented him with everything but the moon on a silver platter. Eren's tone became filled with resignation and despair, the kind a parent uses when disappointed in you, and you wish they'd hit you instead "You want to know what's wrong? Fine. I'm fucking pregnant. Ok. I'm not sick. I don't have a stomach bug or food poisoning. I have a baby growing inside me that you don't even want. You're always using two fucking condoms, but you didn't the night of Mike and Erwin's wedding, and you never bother sticking around once your knots deflated. So I wasn't planning on telling you. Now just back the fuck off. We already have one kid that doesn't fucking want me around" Shoving past him, Levi was too shocked to think. Pregnant. He. What. Another pup? Why didn't Eren tell him? How far along was he? And... abortion pills? Eren seriously thought he didn't love him? Or love him enough to want another child? He used two condoms because Eren had said he was scared of falling pregnant again. That and he didn't want to come way too fast, given their sex life was interrupted by parenting and responsible adulting... and Eren's arse was incredible "Eren? What? When did you find out?" "A few weeks ago" Weeks. He'd been stuck like this for weeks. Stuck thinking Levi didn't want another kid with him. Who knew how depressed and empty that had made him feel "And you didn't tell me?" "I. I've been trying to figure out us! I was going to hide it, but after the beach and last night... I needed to tell you. It's not... ok. I'm not ok" "You said you needed to talk..." "Yeah... well. Surprise. I'm pregnant and my body isn't coping... fuck..." The word came out like a grunted groan of pain. He didn't even have time to question it "Daddy? Mummy?" Turning from the box of pills, Levi looked to a newly woken Viren as there was a solid a whimper behind him. Turning completely, his eyes widened. Eren's wet white shorts were fast turning red as blood ran down his thighs, his left fingertips covered in it, with clear traces of finger marks across Eren's legs where he'd wiped "Eren..." "Levi... I don't feel good" As his mate's eyes rolled back, Levi dropped the pill box, barely catching Eren by the arm as he crumpled. Across the room, Viren started screaming in fear. Eren had said his body wasn't coping. He'd been put on pills to combat his nausea, but his mate's body must have been giving everything it could to their child. He'd been given sedatives because the weight on his shoulders was just too heavy. His body too weak to dance anymore. In the space of the last month, Eren felt like he'd lost everything. Then there was the fact Eren was coming off his tablets. His system would be completely out of whack. He needed help. Laying Eren down in the recovery position, he stripped his towel off and shoved it between his legs. Jogging across the room, he snatched his phone up, a stuttering mess as he called through to emergency services for an ambulance. Leaving the call connected, he then found up the first pair of pants he could. He desperately wanted to comfort Viren, but he needed to check Eren's vitals. With the combination of Eren's pants already being wet, slick and blood, he couldn't gauge the bleed... but it was entirely possible, and more than likely, that Eren was losing the pup. Kneeling down, he placed his palm of Eren's forehead as he double checked his mate still had a pulse. Whining for him, Eren curled around himself though out of it "Brat. Come on, open those bright eyes for me. Come on, baby. I need you to look at me" "Mummy!" Fuck. The pills... had Eren already? He'd told Viren he'd be better soon? Scrambling across the floor, Levi pulled the blister tray from the box. Both pills still inside. He hadn't... he'd wanted to... but he hadn't. Eren had wanted to tell him. He was getting the box to tell him. He'd let his anger get the better of him. Shit. Shit. Shit. He knew Eren was in a fragile state of mind... he shouldn't have pushed. He shouldn't have blown things out of proportion. He should have listened to his mate. Eren very well may have told him about the drinks thing when they went to the bar... but if he hadn't pushed, he wouldn't haven't have known that Eren thought he cheated on him. He wouldn't haven't known the pain his mate felt. Jealousy and pain carving themselves soul deep as Eren tried not to be abandoned by him... Maybe... He didn't like seeing Eren suffer, but without the medication coursing through his system, his omega had opened up to him again... his yoyoing emotions making it impossible for Eren to calmly sit down and explain things, because he simply wasn't able to right now. He hadn't wanted to be angry. He hadn't wanted to fight. He was just struggling to figure out how to make Levi and Viren happy, like he always did, leaving him with the weight of the world on his fragile shoulders "Mummy... mum!" Viren pulled him back to reality. Ok. Ok. He needed to approach this the way he was trained, and not like the untrained ape he was currently doing the world's greatest impression of. First. Unlock the door. Eren was in the recovery position. His airways were clear, and he had a pulse. His heart was racing, but he was still breathing. Second. Viren. Viren was just a child. He didn't understand. He saw the blood and knew mummy was hurt... Shit. In the few moments it'd taken him to open the door, his son had made it to Eren's side. Pulling him back, he held him to his chest. Making sure the boy was facing away from Eren. He couldn't stop a miscarriage, he didn't have anything to do anything about it with. He didn't even have his first aid kit... Viren. He had to protect his son from seeing his mother like this. Eren would never forgive him if he did. Kissing the pup's hair, he cursed the ambulance for taking so fucking long. He knew something was wrong. He knew it. He should have made Eren go to hospital. He should have been there when he collapsed. Hanji had said Eren asked for him. Had he wanted to tell him then? His mate would have been terrified. He should have dragged him there by the hair if he'd had to, when Eren didn't start improving. Did Hanji know? She'd gone with him... Why hadn't she said anything? She was able to get more out of Eren than he was these days and holy fuck... his omega's pain was ebbing through their bond. Levi seriously felt like was about to shit himself with the pressure and cramps that seemed to be forming in his gut. Finally the sound of sirens reached his ears. Viren was still crying hysterically in his arms. It was another 10 minutes before help finally arrived. As the two EMT's entered the room, Levi explained the situation to them. His alpha leaving everything he was saying curt to and the point. He wanted to snap the arm of the first woman who placed her hand on Eren's shoulder. No one should be handling his mate, except for him. No one. Within minutes, Eren was on the gurney, Levi needing to ride along as he had no idea where Paradis's hospital was. He barely thought to grab his phone and Eren's wallet off the bedside table. His own buried somewhere in the things still packed from the beach. His feet felt like lead, his head swimming as he followed Eren out, people having gathered to witness what the fuck was going on. Eren would have loathed all the attention directed his way. His heart so precious, he would have hated even the thought of causing inconvenience. Eren didn't stir during the hospital ride, Viren cocooned in Levi's lap crying softly, as he watched every single move the EMT made. Mike and Erwin wed on the 21st of August, so that was the rough date of conception, 11 weeks ago... 11 weeks... Just shy of 12. It was like Eren's first pregnancy all over again. He'd missed the start, even though he was right beside him. Arriving at the hospital, Eren was whisked away from him. Levi feeling a little lost until an attending nurse came over to him to collect Eren's medical history. He didn't even know the name of the pills his mate had been taking... giving her the name of Eren's doctor, she promised to check, giving him a sympathetic smile as she did. Evicted out to the waiting room, his mind was still a muddled mess of self loathing... but there were things to do. Pulling his phone out, he called Hanji. The woman taking a frustratingly long time to answer, sounding as if she'd just woken. Launching straight into explanation, his voice trembled. He'd lost a pup he hadn't even known about... and his alpha was mourning that loss as of the poor little thing as if it had been birthed. Eren was going to be distraught. He didn't deserve this or the weeks of suffering it'd brought him. How could his omega think that he wouldn't be excited?! He loved Viren and he loved Eren. It may not have been planned, but the idea of expanding their family filled him with pride. He was at the stage where he could tolerate moving to the suburbs. A house with space to move, a backyard for the kids to play in... though, he didn't think he could part with the apartment. He'd kept it because it was a home with Eren. Every time his omega wandered off, he always knew Levi was waiting there for him. Lost his own thoughts, he forgot he was on the phone to Hanji. Hanji repeating his name over and over until he grunted in acknowledgement, then promising to head down to help out with Viren. Eren probably wouldn't be feeling very holidayee, and incredibly tender, both emotionally and physically, over the next few days, possibly the next fortnight until the miscarriage had passed. * Waking up confused, Eren whined softly. His head felt like it was filled with cotton wool, and he couldn't quite remember how he'd gotten to wherever he was, only that the was clearly no longer in the hotel with Levi. Whining again, Levi appeared at his side. His alpha's large, cool palm felt wonderful against his head "Hey, Eren. How do you feel?" "Thick... I can't think" Nuzzling into Levi's touch, his alpha sank down on the edge of his bed "Do you remember what happened? We were fighting in the hotel?" Eren blinked at Levi, right... he was going to tell Levi was he pregnant... then... The pups... he'd started bleeding. His confused green eyes filled with sorry "Shhh... shhh. It's ok" "I'm sorry... I..." "You wanted to tell me. I know. I didn't figure out until after I yelled at you. I'm so sorry, Eren. I'm so sorry I yelled" "'s ok..." "No it's not. Eren, I promise, I never cheated on you. And I know you didn't cheat on me, right?" He was too tired for this "Lee... no... I can't think" "Sorry, br-Eren. I had to tell you" "Am I dying?" "No. No, you're not..." "Viren's presents are in the top of my wardrobe... and yours..." "Eren, shhh. You're going to just fine" "But the..." "We're still waiting for the results. They only just let me back in to see you" "Viren?" "He's sleeping next to you" Eren couldn't find the strength to look down, even moving his arm was hard as hell. He was so warm and tired... other than his head, he couldn't feel the rest of him. It was nice to be pain free. Taking his hand, Levi placed it on Viren's soft hair "He's been crying for you" "He shouldn't be here" "Hanji is coming down to take care of him. It's fine... ok. It's all organised" "I'm sorry" "No. This isn't your fault. Ok?" "Did I... did..." He was so fucking confused... and really sleepy. Whining softly, he didn't know what he wanted to say "You're ok. Just rest" "Lee... stay?" "You want me to stay? I'm not going anywhere" "Hold me?" That's what he wanted. He wanted to be in Levi's arms. His omega was stuffed right back under all that cotton wool, but they both wanted Levi to take whatever was happening away "Ok. I need to move Viren. You've got two IV lines running into the cannula in your left arm. They had to give you a blood transfusion, because you're so weak" "'m sorry" Leaning in, Levi kissed him. Eren was sure, if he could be sure, that his mouth was taste revolting. He was too tired to think about it. Nuzzling into his forehead, Levi sighed softly "I love you so much. I never, ever meant to hurt you. You're my everything. I'm completely and totally Erensexual for you, my Shitty Brat" "Lee, shut up and cuddle me" "I can do that" Curled into Levi's side, Viren slept across the both of them. Falling asleep, he felt much more clearer when he woke next. His body still heavy, but his mind no longer fluffy. He was sleepy, and edging on an emotional breakdown, but being so close to his mate felt soooo good. Levi was warm and anchoring. The only thing he could really focus on. He loved this alpha more than life, and here he was. Nuzzling Levi's arm, his alpha smiled down at him. Despite being alone, Levi whispered "Hey, beautiful" Eren's cheeks dusted lightly. He was sure as hell, that he wasn't beautiful right now. Semi-scared there was someone listening, he matched his mates whispers "Hey... I'm in hospital?" "Yeah. You woke earlier, do you remember?" "It's foggy, but... what happened with..." "They're not completely sure. There's two heartbeats in there, with evidence of a partial miscarriage" "There was only two..." "You knew there was two?" "Y-yeah... I'm sorry" And just like that. Those emotions rushed to overwhelm him. Eren was riddled with guilt. For both his pups and Levi... he'd wanted them gone. He'd broken Levi's trust. He should have told him... before. Before they fought. His scent souring as he tried to shift away from Levi "Eren, it's ok. I don't know if you remember, but I understand. I understand now, and I'm sorry" "N-no. It's me. I'm bad..." "You're not bad. Your body has been under extreme stress. Coming off your medication. Struggling with your morning sickness, and looking after Viren. Growing two pups inside of you. You're not bad. I was the one who messed up, by not realising sooner. I knew your scent was changing, I just never thought we be having another pup" "You said you didn't want more... that it was a good thing we only had one" "I'm an idiot. A complete and totally shitty idiot who failed you" "No! No... you didn't know" "Because you didn't feel safe and loved enough to tell me" "I didn't want to... I didn't want to hurt you" "You hurt me more by keeping it in. You've always taken the brunt of everything alone in an effort to protect us" "Because you're my everything. I never had friends or someone to love me. You give me everything" "Except what you need" "No. You work hard for Viren and I" "I still should have noticed. I left you alone and left you to hurt" "It's..." "It's not fine. I lost my head. I always seem to do that when I'm with you" Looking down, Eren didn't deserve Levi. He knew Levi would never intentionally hurt him, but he'd believed the voices in his head "Maybe I'm no good for you" "Hey. No. I'm the one that's not good enough for you" "You're too good for me" "You're an idiot if you believe that" "Maybe we're both idiots?" He wanted to smile, but he couldn't muster the strength. It was like he'd been run over repeatedly without the pain "I wish you weren't quite this bad" "Doesn't it make you feel better to know you're not alone" "Not really. I just feel flat" "Laying in bed will do that to you" "Can I go home soon?" "Not tonight. They want to monitor the pups. Despite everything, all those vitamins you've been taking has managed to keep your levels okish. You still need to gain more weight. Everything is going to the pups" "Are you... are you mad?" "Disappointed. Not mad" So Levi was disappointed he was pregnant? He should have taken the pills... then they'd be gone. Whimpering, he wanted to be let go. It was like the bubble around them had popped "Eren, hey. You're safe. You're ok. We're ok" "You don't want the pups. I should have... then you wouldn't have to know..." "Oh. No. No. I thought you meant "am I mad about everything?". No. Brat... sorry, Eren. No. I'm disappointed at myself. Having another child, or two, or a dozen with you. I'm thrilled. I couldn't be happier. I just can't believe I missed it, with how sick you've been. I took your word for it, forgetting how you like to hide your pain to protect me" "I'm barely showing..." "I noticed that. And I'm going to be around more. I'll talk to my boss. I can drop back to training, instead of field work" "No. They need you in the field. You get what it's like to be an omega..." "Eren. That means more hours. I want to be coming home at reasonable time. I want to be helping with Viren. I want to be there to spend more time with you" "But... Levi. You're good with omegas. You treat them like normal people" "They are normal people. Besides, I'm doing training. I'm training the people who go into the field. I want more time with you... I know you can look after Viren, but I still want to be there" "He does miss you" "Not today. He cried and cried for his mummy. He had a tantrum when I told him he couldn't give you cuddles" "He's never done that before" "I think he had a huge scare when you collapsed like that. We both did" "I thought the cramps were from the nausea... I didn't think I was losing them" "Paradis hospital is sadly ill equipped in comparison to Shinganshima. They can only preform the very basics of tests. That's why their not sure if it was a miscarriage or something else. One pup did have a lower heart rate than the other, they don't know what's going to happen at this point. But... You know Hanji, she'd going to take over the moment she gets here" Levi sounded bitter to begin with, before ending with the sickly sweetness of faked humour with a dash of "trying way too fucking hard". They didn't know, but he could still lose a pup anyway. He could still lose both of them. Then everything would have been for nothing. Levi was probably lashing out at anyone who came too close. He could imagine the alpha yelling and demanding results. It wasn't their fault that the place wasn't as flashy as Shinganshima. It was a tourist town. As far as he knew, the worst a tourist had to fear was a bad sunburn or alcohol poisoning. Maybe a car accident if they had really crappy luck. Shit. He really hoped Levi hadn't... Levi would get to go home, while he was stuck here. The fucked up omega of the psychotic alpha. "Is he ok?" "He's still sleeping, can't you feel him against you?" No. Probably because he couldn't feel much of everything and it was wonderful "Drugged up. I can feel your warmth and smell you, but I can't really feel anything from the neck down. Levi. He shouldn't have had to see that, ever. Even if he's too young to remember, it doesn't make it ok. I don't want him seeing me like this. Or to hear us yelling. I don't want to fight in front of him. I don't want him scared of his dad or me. I don't want him hiding in the closet, sitting in a puddle of piss and thinking you're going to beat him. And I don't want him feeling what I felt growing up. He's innocent. I'm dirty. But he isn't" "You are not dirty. And, neither do I. I lost it when you wanted to go back to that bar. I thought you wanted to leave me" Yeah. Ok. If Levi could kindly back off, or start too, that would be great. His alphas scent tainted with hues of anger "I thought you cheated on me. And that you didn't want me anymore... because I'm too much work... and that I was just, I don't know... convenient? That you'd broke your promise" Levi shook his head as he kissed his hair "You were right though. I didn't cheat on you, but I also didn't stay after sex. I didn't even think about what you'd been through or how it would feel" "It fucking sucked" "I gathered as much. Why didn't you tell me?" Because things were complete shit. Because he had a zillion things on his mind all the time. Because he was struggling his arse off trying to make everyone else happy, only to feel like he fell short in every manner. Because he was a weak omega. No matter how he tried, I couldn't change that. He couldn't change the way people looked at him with his son. He couldn't change the people who looked for his alpha because omegas weren't supposed to go out and do things alone... "Because you're the alpha... I'm only ever going to be an omega. It's my job to stay home with the children, to cook and clean, to be there for your alpha" "Eren. No. What I want was a partnership where you feel equal" He could barely remember what that felt like again... he was sleepy, and dying to fall back to sleep. He hated hospitals, and now he'd ended up in yet another one "We haven't been like that for a while. Lee, if I hadn't said anything, when you came out the shower, would have told me? That you thought I was interested in cheating on you?" Levi sighed, his alpha moving his hand to push Eren's hair back from where he was trying to hide behind his fringe "I, honestly, was angry at you. I thought we were supposed to work things out, then you were laughing with someone else. Someone else was making you happy. It fucking hurt. I know I'm not the greatest alpha, but I can't remember the last time I made you happy. The last time I made you smile that... The last time I made you feel comfortable enough to be truly happy. Then you just stop paying attention to me, to get those stupid pills out. I really wasn't expecting them" "I didn't think you'd want the pup because you're getting rid of me" "I am not getting rid of you. I want you and your pups. Our pups. I just... I can't see how things ended up here" "Life. They never tell you what happens after you get your happily ever after" Letting out a yawn, Levi kissed his forehead "If you're sleepy, you should get some more rest" "I'm a little sleepy" "Hanji should be here soon, hopefully she can figure this out" "Mmm... Lee, have I told you how much I hate hospitals?" "I know. I love you, Eren" "I love you too, and Viren. Can you make sure he's ok?" "He's ok. He's probably going to be cranky when he wakes up" "Get him some chicken nuggets. They always make him feel better" "Nuggets?" "Yeah. They're all he'll eat when he's sick or upset. They work better than ice cream" "I didn't know that" "That's because he saves all the vomiting and tantrums for me" "Things are going to change. I promise you" "Mmmm... I want to talk to you more, but I'm really sleepy" "I know you are" Levi shifted next to him, Eren grabbing his alpha before he could move further "You're not leaving, are you?" "No, Eren. I'm not going anywhere" "Ok... good... I can't loose you, Lee" "You're not going to, my precious omega" Kissing his forehead again, Levi repositioned him to lay with his head on his chest, the rhythm of his mate's strong and steady heartbeat lulling him to sleep.

[nei-ning]

Had few dreams which I write here down shortly.

First (from other night): My sister and I had climbed on this very tall tree, sitting almost at the top. Suddenly cartoonist styled young moose climbed there, taking a look at us before leaving. I told my sis with excitement we now have been protected by him. Suddenly black bear cup, also cartoonist looking, appeared near me to my left, my feet towards it since I sat sideways on the super wide branch. I reached to touch it, to check it was okay when mom black bear appeared on the same spot where the moose had been earlier. She got furious at me, starting to bite my legs. They didn't bleed or get damaged, but I felt the pain whenever she bit me. I screamed from the bottom of my lungs, thinking she will eat me when she was only giving me warning bites. I had a tiny bottle of fake blood with me for a unknown reason and I started to spray it on her face, in her mouth and on my legs. This didn't help my fear of getting eaten :'D eventually, like 5 seconds later when this biting started, she took her cup and left.

Second: I had bought myself a ticket, trying to go visit my sister. However, I had no clue was the ticket for a train or bus. Ticket was just a small piece of paper with 4 numbers on it. I entered in this new building which was unknown to me. It looked like huge mall with different levels and shops. I got lost in there like instantly. I managed to find 2 male workers, bus or train, I'm not sure. I sat down to talk with them and I had so fun I lost the track of time. When I looked in another direction, they disappeared. I finally found my way out of the building, on bus station side. Just before my eyes I saw last bus taking off, knowing it was mine. I panicked crying. Another worker found me, coming to me. She was dark skinned, very chubby and beautiful woman. Her touch on my shoulder was warm and comforting when she asked, with unearthly loving and gentle voice what's wrong. Now I was so overwhelmed that I burst into heavy tears, sobbing and telling her my story, saying I couldn't get to my sister now. She assured me we would find a way. I woke up after this, tears in my eyes. I wiped them away, falling back to sleep.

Third: I only remember being back at my home, being outside during grayish autumn day. A bear was on our yard, observing, eventually coming closer. It was friendly bear and we were able to be outside together without worries or fears. However, when I went inside, the bear followed me up the stairs to the front door, going to come in too. I don't know why but I didn't let her. I had a mop what I used to push her away, down the stairs etc. Naturally she got irritated, trying to get up the stairs even more. I think she either left or I woke up. I'm slightly confused why I didn't let her in since bear, what I checked yesterday, is very good spiritual symbol and messenger. Not to mention bear is holy, very feared and worshipped in Finland's mythology. So much feared actually that bear ISN'T it's true / original name. It's "a nickname" which was given to it so that people could talk about it at least in some way without fearing it by saying it's real name.

Fourth: I was in near by country city so to say and it was dark outside. There was mom, her brother, some other person, my sister and I. At some point, somehow, conversation between me and mom escalated in horrible yelling - from my part. Mom just coldy, without any care or emotion, said she really hadn't wanted any of us kids, still ending up making us with dad. She said probably something else too but I couldn't hear it from my fury. I kept yelling at her how horrible and sick person she is. That what has been even the point to make us if she didn't want us. That she should had put us in adoption instead. She just stood there, her back towards me and my sis, feeling absolutely cold and empty. My sister tried to calm me down but I was beyond that. I was so freaking furious. Uncle came there with the other guy and a car, asking what had happened. As we loaded our shopping bags in the car, I kept ranting and telling him too what had happened. Inside the car he drove and mom sat by his side, me sitting behind mom, sis by my side and the random guy behind uncle. I kept telling about the situation, becoming even more furious! My fists were shaking! Eventually I said I can't take it anymore. I felt my whole being will explode. So I opened a car door when uncle slowed down enough, getting out of the car. I ended up at the edge of birch forest, seeing 2 elves there. Either female and male or just males. Other laid down on the back gently leaning against the other, him / her, while the other was making their hair pretty. I thought they could help me so I approached them, everything turning black when I started to wake up. I felt them still tho. They felt slightly surprised. Maybe because I actually saw them, approached them and / or asked their help (to calm me). Then I woke up.

Funny thing about all these dreams is that I have seen them before. Like decades ago. Back then I just didn't realize them, didn't hear everything etc.

[zombiiesque]

Nocturne Alchemy Halloween 2019 - Part One

Originally published 10/8/2019

Hey y'all, and happy Halloween month! October is, bar none, my favorite time of the year, even though it's a little ridiculously hot here in Florida. It took me forever to decide what I wanted, but I finally picked up some treats from Nocturne Alchemy's Halloween 2019 release, and I want to share my thoughts on those, and maybe cover briefly what I have that appears in the Resurgence section, as well. So let's dive right in, shall we?

What did I wind up choosing? A pretty good selection, having tested everything, I don't think there's a single one that isn't going to work! I picked out Pirate's Rum for Jody, but I haven't tested it on him yet, so we'll skip that for now. The rest of what I got was Blood, Blood Queen, Blackout, Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat, and The Mummy Returns - as it turns out, I have an aged bottle of that, so I'm probably going to swap my new bottle. They sent me Mummy's Spirit as a prize from a contest I won on the business page on Facebook, and the free sample was the brand new PC scent, Halloween 2020. That's a pretty exciting set!

Blood – Kashmir (Studio Limited), Pipe Tobacco accord, Caramel Oudh (NA Studio), Black Patchouli leaves, Palo Santo essential oil, Italian Bergamot, Italian Pine resin, Frankincense Resin, Myrrh wood and Bastet’s Musk. Oh, this is intense. It's almost a little scary, and these are notes that are right in my wheelhouse. That was my first thought when I put this on my skin - but then it warms and melds, and ooooof - it's captivating. Apply this lightly - a little goes a very long way. Right away, I get the palo santo, and then it sort of melts into this caramel oudh and tobacco. I love NA's tobacco, and I don't have much of it, so I really, really wanted this one. I'm getting almost a leather feel at first, but that stage doesn't last very long. If I sniff really hard, I can pick out the pine, Kashmir (a deep red musk), patchouli, and resins while it's still wet. Once it starts drying though, as I mentioned before, it really all melds together. It's got a slightly unisex feel, and I really want to try this one on my fiance, I think it would be amazing on a man. But he is going to have to share it, if he likes it - I love this entirely too much to give it up. Oh my gosh, it's so dark and sexy, I can't stop huffing my wrists. This is an inky fall night, the moon up high and bright in the sky. There's a chill in the air, but a huff of smoke from someone's pipe - and there's a bonfire in the distance. You're wrapped up nice and warm though. And holy bats do you smell amazing. It lasts quite a while, too. I got a solid 10+ hours out of it. I kept catching whiffs of it that had me trying to figure out what it was before I remembered what I was wearing. Yeah, love this one.

Blackout – NA Chypre accord (labdanum, oakmoss, lavender, patchouli and neroli), Jasmine Absolute, NA Oudh, Bastet Amber Absolute, Mandarin, Clove and Amber accord. Blackout is a stunner of a chypre. This is darkly gothic, and it feels almost....dangerous. Hah! I love it. Chypres are an interesting group for me, most of the time I love them, but sometimes there's a floral that can turn up a little weird on my skin? That's definitely not happening here. If you took a look at the notes and were worried about the jasmine, mandarin, or clove - I spent a full two days with Blackout, and I'm just not able to truly pick them out. When I first put it on, while wet, there's a slight hint of a spicy floral, but it just melts into something deeper and darker so quickly, I can't get a handle on what the florals would be. This is just so smooth and sophisticated. If Blackout was a True Blood character, it would be Eric. Hah! I'm not sure if I could pick out my favorite between this, Blood, and Blood Queen, as I love them all - they're wildly different - but I think if I were pressured, it would be Blackout. The oakmoss is perfection here, I find it to be the most noticeable note in the chypre accord. Since that's a particular favorite of mine from NA, I'm happy to see it star here. This is so starkly beautiful. There's almost a coldness here, but it's drawing me in - it's very appealing. I think that Blood and Blood Queen are very warm scents, but Blackout is just .... chilly.

Blood Queen – Wild Black Currant, Cemetery Musk, Santalum White (Studio Limited), Kashmir (Studio Limited), Black Musk, Blood Wine accord, Black Violet and Lilac essence. Blood Queen is just so purple and wild! I had a hard time choosing what I was going to order to go along with Blackout and Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat. I finally settled on Blood, but I kinda was looking hard at Skeletonic, as I adore woody scents - I might have to go back for it, but the notes for Blood Queen just kept pulling me in. This is definitely a me scent, and so I plopped it in my cart and didn't look back. I think I expected the Kashmir, which is a deep, sexy, rich red musk, to kind of be the star here. And it's here, don't get me wrong. Kashmir and Black Musk are not musks that will ever be described as shy, but though I get both of them, they're playing so well with the other notes - like a dance. It's mesmerizing. On my skin, the wine and Cemetery Musk play supporting roles. There's a sweetness and fullness that they add to Blood Queen. Primarily, though, this perfume is a fruity floral musk - and a stunner. This is a come hither, slinky, sultry, masterpiece. Not shy, even a little bit. The blackcurrant is juicy and sweet - it's a good counter for the dark florals of violet and lilac. I usually avoid florals, but I really like how they play darkly with the musks and fruit. If Blackout is Eric, I'm calling Blood Queen Pam. *wink* It lasts forever on my skin, too. A solid 8 to 10 hours!

Mummy’s Spirit – Green Matcha Tea, Violet, Egyptian Blue Chamomile Essential Oil, Egyptian Papyrus essential oil, Egyptian Musk and Egyptian Red Musk and NA Limestone Amber. This was the bottle that I won in a contest NA had on their business page, and they picked out for me. I actually was kind of drooling over the description of it already, because I do love that papyrus note, and their green teas. Naturally, I love this one. It's bright and fresh and crisp, and the green tea is gorgeous here. It's been so, so hot here in Florida - we're missing fall by a long shot. This is a great transitional scent - I can definitely see wearing it as it gets colder, but I wore it a few days in a row when it was over 90 degrees and it was lovely then, also. This is a lighter scent - it needed a couple of applications throughout the day, but I suspect the more it ages, it will get a little more longevity, because I've noticed that's a pattern with scents that start out lighter from NA. Just worth mentioning it as something to be aware of, in terms of a review. For me, I don't mind reapplying - I usually take scent with me wherever I go. But I'll be looking forward to see how this one is going to play out with age, as I already love it. It's quite different from the others that I chose myself, but it's definitely something I'll be reaching for often. I don't get a lot of the violet, so it must be a background note. The chamomile lends a light herbal tone, adding to the overall "green" feel of Mummy's Spirit. I don't get a lot of the violet, but I think on my skin it adds a softly sweet contrast against the green, herbal feel of the tea and chamomile.

Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat – Golden and Black Patchouli essential oils slow-drip blended into our Bourbon Vanille Absolute, Sugared Vanilla pods with hints of Oak and Hinoki wood. This one was my first choice - I knew absolutely I was going to get it. And it was an instant win, right out of the mailbox. This is warm and cozy, but at the same time, dead sexy and darkly slinky. The slightly boozy vanilla against the patchouli is perfectly balanced - and I am totally getting the oak and hinoki wood, so that's really awesome, I was hoping I'd be able to smell that in the mix! I feel like the woods really help keep that balance here, because the Bourbon Vanille is quite a rich note, along with the sugared vanilla. The long drydown on this is an almost spicy, plush, slightly narcotic vanilla, balanced with a dark, resinous, herbal patchouli. This isn't your hippie grandma's patchouli scent, by a long shot. This is elegant and polished. It would be a great date night scent - but at the same time, it's cozy and inviting, and I'd wear this to go stomping in the fall leaves in a sweater and jean jacket. I'd also wear it to dinner with my guy. If you were even thinking about Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat, do yourself a favor - go pick it up. Yesterday. Word in the fan run Facebook group, the House of NA Tent, is super positive - I think it's the fan favorite of NAlloween 2019.

You know what? I've been thinking about it. I think Blood would be Alcide. *wink*

Edit: At the risk of repeating myself, I'm going to throw a blanket statement out for all of these - I cannot wait to see what they're going to be like with some aging. I accidentally bought a bottle of The Mummy Returns, and I already had one from last year. The fresh bottle is truly a gorgeous scent, but that aged bottle? Wow. So just bear that in mind, my impressions are from bottles I've only had about a week. It's going to be fun to revisit them next Halloween!

Okay, that's going to wrap it up for today. I'm going to go ahead and do a second half, and cover Halloween 2020 (YESSSS) and the Resurgence that I have, including my beautifully aged bottle of The Mummy Returns. The Resurgence reviews are posted here, if you would like to take a look! Thanks for joining me, y'all!

[tuellertrails]

It’s hard to put into words what our first week on trail has been like, but I’ll try.

Tiring. Hot. Cold. Amazing. Beautiful. Adventure. Ouch. Hungry. Thirsty. Dirty. Smelly.

There you have it!

Starting out the PCT was an emotional experience. It was surreal hiking those first few miles, and then it just sinks in “oh right, this is just hiking. And hiking is just walking. And walking is tiring. Wow it’s hot. Wait, how am I already this dirty?” We only made it about .3 miles when we came upon a little campground with some trail angels that we talked to briefly. One of them was an older man with long white silver hair and blue eyes named Legend who apparently is a triple crowner (has hiked the PCT, AT and CDT). He told us to put our hands towards the trail and then grab some air and cup it into a ball in our hands. He said we had grabbed a little piece of magic from the PCT and it is carried in all the hikers who had gone before us and that we were all connected. He told us to hold it up to our hearts to absorb, but being the brilliant nurse that I am, I held it to the right side of my chest instead of the left, so I guess that means the magic went into my rib cage instead. I’m not an expert in PCT magic 🤷🏻‍♀️ so who knows how it will affect me. Magic ribs? Time will tell. He also told us to take another piece of PCT magic and put it in our pocket to give to a friend. I will sell mine to the highest bidder. Authentic PCT magic, hard to come by, Bitcoin will be accepted as a trade.

Hiking has been very physically exhausting for me, more than I expected to be honest. We’re going about 2-2.3 miles per hour at this point, and have done 10-16 miles per day. We wake up between 6-7 AM, pack up our stuff and head out. Generally we eat breakfast at our first break of the day after 3-4 miles, and I’ve found that I need a break about every 3 miles. If we can get to a great spot for lunch, we will generally take at least an hour and sometimes more if it’s in the heat of the day. We try to stop hiking between 5-6 pm, so we can have time to set up camp, make dinner, roll out our feet and sore muscles, and write in our journals before bed. We are very tired every night, but sometimes we don’t sleep very well if it’s windy or very cold. I always take my trusty Benadryl and sleep better with it!

The hardest part for me so far has been the wear and tear on my feet. The biggest mistake I made at the start was not putting inserts in my shoes. My feet have been in a lot of pain and I’ve had to take more breaks to roll them out to continue hiking. No matter how tired I am, I have to roll out my feet at the end of the day or they fee pretty rough the next day. I’ve also been dealing with some blisters and some chafing, so basically everything hurts! Doing miles on miles every single day is a lot of work, and we are sore every day. Other hikers that we’ve met who have done other thru hikes assure us that we will get our trail legs (eventually) but it’s going to take about 3 weeks

Ok, enough complaining!! We have met some amazing people. Landon’s cousin Justin hiked out with us the first day and it was fun to give him a taste of the trail. There was a small group of people that we started with who have been a bit faster than us and are now ahead of us on the trail, but maybe we’ll run into them again!

We met a mother and son duo named Chris and Pat. Pat is a psychologist at a University and counsels students. She was the nicest friendliest little lady and I immediately liked her. Chris, her son, works in film media and is trying to become a landscape photographer. They were both lovely but Pat can't go very fast so I'm not sure we'll see them again, but we're following each other on Instagram now.

We’ve spent quite a bit of time with a small group of hikers, hiking and also hanging out with them in Julian (where we are taking our first zero day, no hiking and only lots of resting, eating and socializing). Half of them are not American which is exciting! Florian is from Germany and is a super interesting guy. He works for Google and has lived in Australia, the UK, and most recently in San Francisco. We talked about the differences between Germany and Europe, some about politics (how crazy American politics are compared to relatively boring German ones), gun control, Mental illness and lack of resources in America, our messed up healthcare system, the largeness of Australian huntsman spiders, and a whole bunch of other things. Lauren is from Canada and loves to quiz you about geography and ask fun questions. Today she asked "which animal most represents the place that you live?" Landon and I debated for a while and decided on a big horn sheep 🐑. She and Florian met on the JMT and are hiking together as friends as they both have significant others. She is always scavenging for everyone’s extra food and someone suggested that her trail name be Trash Panda (people give each other “trail names” on thru hikes, and then that’s how people introduce themselves. We haven’t gotten ours yet but it’s only a matter of time). I don’t think she accepted that trail name though 😂


Another woman from the group is from Germany named Silke who is a bit more shy but still friendly, and man is she fit. She just blazed past us on the trail today. We also gave her a piece of pop tart and some skittles to try, and she hated both, which was very funny to watch her disgusted reaction. She hasn’t built up the junk food tolerance that we have I suppose, it takes years to build and I started very young! Carolina is from the Czech Republic, and has a great sense of humor. I can’t imagine the kind of bravery it takes to go to a foreign country where you know no one and the language spoken isn’t your first language, and taking on a monumental task like hiking the PCT. It’s pretty incredible and I have a lot of respect for all the hikers, but especially the foreign ones. We took a picture yesterday before Carolina had showered and she said “I look so dirty and crazy!” 😂 I ask just about everyone “what does your family think of your coming out to do this?” and the most common answers include “they don’t really get it...” and “They think I’m crazy.”

Otter is a 58 year old guy who was in the airforce for 30 years and has spent the last 5 years of his retirement hiking and traveling. He hiked the Appalachian Trail in 2019. Otter said that he decided to hike the AT initially because he read a story of a guy in his town who hiked it when he was 18. The guy had to ask permission from the board of education in Virginia to graduate high school early in order to hike it, and they told him no, so he quit high school and did it anyways. Otter told us that he read that and it stuck with him, and he made it a goal of his to hike the AT someday. He said it took 35 years, but he always remembered that guy and wanted to do it. Just goes to show that you never know what kind of impact you can have on the people around you! He has been very kind to us and let us come to the Airbnb that he had rented to do laundry and shower when we got into Julian, and we have used the Airbnb as a hangout zone for our whole group yesterday and today, which has been great. After showering and having clean clothes, we almost felt like normal people 😂. In Mt Laguna at mile 42, we showered in a campground bathroom and washed our laundry in the shower like the hiker trash we now are. Real food from a restaurant and a cold drink from a trail angel (people that provide food/drinks/rides to hikers) is also incredible. When you’re living so minimally, the little things are a big deal!

Lastly we have Brandon, who I met on Instagram last year and was also supposed to hike the trail but canceled due to Covid. He ended up getting a permit for this year too and started the day after us (coincidentally he is also a travel nurse). Last night, after hanging out at the Airbnb, We camped behind the Julian Market (they allow PCT hikers to camp there) and Brandon came too. At 5:30 in the morning after just settling back down into his sleeping bag after getting up to pee, he hears a voice say “oh good, you’re up. I really need someone to talk to.” He looks over and sees this strange girl that he doesn’t know (and wasn’t there when we went to bed) who is wrapped up in her sleeping bag. He says “Oh, um..are you ok?” And she says “I have no pants”. And proceeds to tell him that she ripped her hiking shorts and didn’t carry any warm sleeping clothes because they were too heavy. He tells her that she needs to have warm base layers if she is going to continue hiking (and not die) and that she can pick some up at the gear store in town. She tells him that she asked the guy she was hiking with if she could come and cuddle with him and he told her no, so she knocked on some random strangers window at 3 AM and asked for a ride from Mt Laguna to Julian, and the stranger gave her a ride (and luckily didn’t murder her). So that’s how she ended up on that back porch in Julian, possibly staring at Brandon for hours and willing him to wake up to tell him this. Apparently she talked to him for about 45 more minutes and at some point said that she was waiting for her meds to arrive. He said “Maybe you should call your family?” And she said “no way! They’ll freak out” 😬. Landon and I were returning from using the bathroom and we walked right past them, I thought that they knew each other somehow and somehow missed the pleading desperation in Brandon’s eyes to help him in this incredibly awkward 5:30 AM conversation with this random girl. Eventually she ended up going to the pie shop across the street and sitting in there to get warm and charge her phone. Long story short, I really hope that girl is ok, because hiking the PCT is hard enough as it is without having any warm pants. Also, hiking is not a replacement for a support system and therapy. Be safe and get mentally healthy before you hike!!

One last funny story. This morning we were eating at a diner when the waitress came over to take our order. She looked at me hesitantly and said “Um...I’m not sure how to handle this...you have a spider on your hat.” I yelped and threw my hat on the table. She grabbed my hat and took it outside and gently shook it off and de-spidered it for me before bringing it back to me 😥. What a good lady!! Please tell people if they are wearing spiders and help them out. I guess I am just becoming one with nature now.

Anyways, this is long enough, but I just want to say that we’ve had lots of great experiences, seen beautiful scenery, and met awesome people. Even though this is incredibly hard, it’s such a cool adventure and I am loving having a great partner to experience it with me. Hoping my feet are doing better in the next section and that none of my blisters get infected! Our friends helped me shake down my pack today and I was able to get rid of at least a pound in weight. When you carry everything on your back, hips and shoulders, every little ounce makes a difference! Much love to everyone and thanks for the support, it’s been a great first week!

- Joscelyn

P.S. - I’ll post our daily mileage for anyone who is interested

Day 1

Start: Mile 0 Mexican Border

Stop: Mile 11.4

Total: 11.4 miles

Day 2

Start: Mile 11.4

Stop: Mile 26 Boulder Creek Campground

Total: 14.6 miles

Went thru Lake Morena

Day 3

Start: Mile 26 Boulder Creek Campground

Stop: Mile 37.1

Total: 11.1 miles

Elevation gain: about 3k feet 🦶

Day 4

Start: Mile 37.1

Stop: Mile 47.7

Total Mileage: 10.6

Went thru Mt Laguna

Day 5

Start: Mile 47.7

Stop: Mile 63.7

Total: 16 Miles

Day 6

Start: Mile 63.7

Stop: Mile 77

Total: 13.3 Miles

Day 7

Zero Day In Julian