#I FINALLY GOT THE POLL FEATURE THOUGH WHO CHEERED

[komilys]

okay i cracked it - i cannot use the read more feature on mobile, nor can i edit any posts with said feature on mobile without breaking it and getting rid of it and basically just ruining it

[scorpioriesling]

Too Hot To Handle - Episode 1

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

Characters featured: Reader, Feyre, Morrigan, Gwyn, Elain, Emerie, Amren, Cassian, Lucien, Eris, Tarquin, Rhysand, Helion, & Tamlin

Warning(s): None

SR's Note: Okay, so I know this show was runner up for the most votes on the poll. However! I liked this idea so much that I am writing series for both Too Hot To Handle and Love Island if this one does well. So... please like, comment, reblog, and don't forget to vote! You literally control the outcome of this story -- every vote counts. xo

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

The summer sun cast a warm glow across the chrystalline water in the bay, the reflections like little silver fractures along the surface. The smell of salt in the air only surges you forward, the clicking of your wedges against the wood of the dock a contrast to the swishing of the boats in the water.

The large, white, pristine yacht comes into view, tied directly at the end of the dock, practically calling your name louder and louder with every step closer you take. You raise a hand to shade the sun from your vision, and can make out a few figures on the deck. Your heart rate picks up, a small smile spreading across your face as another adrenaline wave courses through you again.

This was it -- you'd finally made it to the retreat you'd been so anxious to attend. This could finally be your chance at finding not just another partner for the evening, but a real, true partner for life.

All you had to do was step onto the Love Boat.

"Y/N?" The captain greets you politely as you step up to the ramp leading to the boat's main deck. You meet his eyes, and he extends his hand. You take it, and he shakes as though you're equals, his gaze never leaving your eyes as he nods politely. You smile appreciatively, knowing in that moment, under his direction, you would be in good hands.

"It seems you're the last to board, dear. Please -- step aboard whenever you are ready." He nods once more.

"Thank you!" You say with a little too much enthusiasm. He only smiles politely, his face turning to peer out at the ocean beyond once more. You take a hesitant step onto the path toward the main deck, the soles of your shoes clicking differently on the metal than they did the wood. You continue your stride, up and up and up the path...

When you can see the opening onto the main deck, you halt, ruffling your fingers through your blown-out hair and adjusting the strings of your bikini. If you're really about to walk onto a deck full of males (and females, for that matter) who were all here for the same reason you were, you had to make sure what needed to be covered -- and what needed not to -- was or wasn't... right?

With a satisfied sigh, you took one calming breath before taking the final step past the interior walls of the boat, and heading toward the crowd of other bikinied females and half-naked males before you. You could have sworn your mouth dropped open at the sheer amount of options you had -- and not one of them was a bad one! Everywhere your eyes darted, all you could see was muscle, toned abs, defined legs, and amid the whistles and cheers, a very loud:

"Oooh! Who have we got here?"

✧･ﾟ:

All you can do is laugh nervously as every eye on the boat seems to be on you. You haven't felt self-conscious in ages, but with everyone staring at you like this you feel so... exposed. Nonetheless, you're grateful when a pretty girl walks right up to you and holds out a flute of champagne to you with a smile.

"A glass of champagne for you?" She asks. You graciously take it from her, and your eyes meet her caramel brown ones.

"Thank you, yes, absolutely," you chuckle. "God, I'm so nervous, I feel like everyone's-"

"Drinking you up?" She says, her brow raising. You shrug, chuckling as she looks around at the guys waiting to come over and talk to you. "It's because everyone is. You're the freshest glass of water on this boat, and every guy wants a taste." She winks, and your cheeks heat at her words. She laughs and tosses her hair over her shoulder, the sun shining on the radiant golden locks as though they are made of the metal itself. "My name is Morrigan -- uh, Mor, I mean. Everyone just calls me Mor." She sips her bubbly champagne, and you take note. The bubbly one is Mor -- like the champagne on the boat.

"Well, I'm happy to meet you Mor," you say. "I'm Y/N." She glances over her shoulder, her eyes only briefly meeting yours once more before she leans in close.

"Between you and me," she says lowly. "I have my eyes set on that one over there," she glances toward a very tall, dark-skinned male with short black locks. He is laughing at something the brunette beside him says, his smile adding to the glowing aura around him.

"You should move in now then," you suggest, and Mor shoulder bumps you.

"Heyyy you're just saying what I was already thinking," she smiles. Her aura shines just as brightly as she wades through the crowd, making her way toward the joyous male. It's only a matter of minutes before you're approached once more, this time by a much taller, much more handsome person.

"Well hello there darling," the raven-haired male's deep tone sends a flutter about in your stomach. You smile up at him, your eyes dragging across the sculpted panes of his tanned skin.

"Hello," you politely greet. He smiles coyly, taking your free hand in his.

"And who do I have the pleasure of meeting today?" He drawls. You shyly introduce yourself, and he nods as if your name is quite suitable.

"Y/N," he affirms. He places a featherlight kiss to the top of your hand and you blush, noticing his subtle glance toward your bikini top as he does so. "You're quite beautiful, Y/N," he says.

"And you're quite charming...?" You raise your eyebrows in question.

"Rhysand," he finished. Ahh, Rhysand. "However, "Charming" would do just fine, if it is a Prince you are looking for." He chuckles, a small dimple forming in his cheek. You giggle along with him, and he raises his whiskey glass to you.

"Cheers to finding your Prince Charming, hmm?" He winks, and heads off toward where a few other ladies have congregated near the railing. It isn't long before he says something and they all laugh, surely all fawning over him already.

Rhysand the Charmer. Got it. Boy, whoever goes for that one will have quite a few ladies in waiting to battle it out with to get to him-

The loud blaring of the ship's horn has everyone flinching in suprise, so much so that you almost spill your champagne. You manage to keep it all in your glass, that is until the ship disembarks from the dock, the sudden motion causing you to sway a bit in your wedges and loose your balance.

"Woah-"

Two hands brace your arms, catching you mid-wobble before you could topple over. Your upper back brushes across warm, hard skin and you shudder at the contact, feeling alight with energy and embarassment at your sudden sea legs.

"Are you alright, miss?"

You turn, peering over your shoulder as your helped upright onto your platforms once more. Only a bit of champagne has slipped from your glass, but not enough to warrant a scene. Nonetheless, you can't help but feel ashamed in front of yet another beautiful man before you.

"Oh, I'm alright -- just quite embarassed really. I can't believe... I mean I'm usually not so clum...s...y..." You trail off, your eyes meeting a pair of the most beautiful ones you'd ever seen. The heterochromia was instantly attractive, the deep amber on the left such a contrast to the burnt golden on the right; Gods you couldn't stop staring.

"Well, it seems your slight misstep has maybe affected your ability to talk then?" He jokes, his red hair flowing behind his shoulderblades with the slight breeze off of the ocean. Your cheeks flare, and you chuckle nervously.

"No! No not at all, I... maybe my wit just isn't quite as good as yours?" You arch an eyebrow at him, earning you a delighted laugh in return. You quickly scan him when he tosses his head back -- all the way down to his burnt orange swim trunks-

"Lucien," he says, holding out his hand. You take it, and immediately cringe when you remember the champagne you'd sloshed over it moments ago. He lets out a breathy laugh.

"What is it, now you don't like the way my hand feels either? Moments ago you didn't mind..." He teases. You let go, and playfully shove his shoulder, which earns you another grin.

"Nooo, I just spilled some of my drink when I slipped earlier and I realized it got on you too," you explain.

"Ohhh, I see I see," He says, inspecting his hand palm up. He shrugs.

"Well, now I'll just remember that you've put something sticky all over my fingers," he wiggles his brows, and you gasp.

"Lucien!" You can't help but laugh. He only smiles at you, glancing around before taking a step past you toward the stairs.

"You didn't tell me your name yet, love," he says looking back.

"Y/N," You say. He nods, glancing at his palm once more.

"Got it... Y/N, the pretty girl who got my hand sticky and wet. I'll remember you for sure," he says with a wink.

Add Lucien sticky fingers to the list.

✧･ﾟ: *

Over the next hour or so, you'd walked around the boat, admiring the views of the ocean, exploring what wasn't locked off from retreat attendees, and meeting a few more guests. You hadn't had any other males approach you yet, but you did meet another girl while watching the waves.

"What's brought you to the retreat?" She asked kindly. You smiles softly, thinking about the few males you'd already met today.

"Honestly, I haven't had much luck in relationships in my past," you explained, looking over at the freckled female beside you. Feyre was her name, she'd said. Feyre with freckles.

"Oh, I can understand that. Honestly, I've been through some shit myself." She says, peering out at the vast expanse solemnly.

"I just feel like maybe this is a way to finally meet someone looking for the same thing I am, you know?" You continue. She nods, her long golden braid swaying behind her and ending just above the waistband of her midnight blue bikini.

"Oh, absolutely." She agrees, her eyes meeting yours. "Let's just hope these guys we're forced to share this yacht with for a month aren't total dogs, hm?" Her crystalline blue eyes crinkle at the sides as she cracks a smile, and you chuckle in agreement. Just a few moments later, Mor approaches once more from across the deck, her ruby red bikini unmissible from a mile away.

"Ladies!" She exclaims. You and Feyre both turn, taking her in fully as she approaches happily with two margaritas in her hands.

"I see you've found the bar?" Feyre muses. Mor hands her a margarita, and then thrusts one into your hands.

"Oh I've found something better than the bar girls -- I found the hot tub!" She squeals in delight, hopping from foot to foot and somehow maintaining her balance in her very high heels. You and Feyre exchange a glance, but ultimately shrug as Mor links arms with you and pulls you toward the main stairs to the top deck.

"...Oh! And after I talked to Helion, there was this other guy Eris who was like, mega hot but I don't really know if he's my type? Oh, and I almost forgot about Gwyn too, she is such a sweetheart, oh gosh..." Mor keeps rambling on as you and Feyre follow her to the hot tub, your eyes trained on yet two more delicious males already seated inside, engaged in conversation. You and Feyre quietly remove your shoes, and as you bend over to undo the straps, you can feel the blonde one staring directly at you, as though peering right through the thin fabric of your bikini. When you stand again, Mor has already gotten in, the bubbles swirling around her and Feyre's ankles as she wades in as well, banalcing her margarita in her hand. You nervously step in, the slipery stair below only providing deja vu from your earlier embarassment.

"I can hold that, if you'd like," the very muscular, tan, tattoed male with the short brown hair offers a kind smile and a hand to you. You smile back, and hand him your drink.

"Aww, how sweet of you!" You chirp. His smile only grows as you slowly sink deeper into the water, the bubbles foaming just below the strings of your bikini top. You sit next to him, getting a better look at him. He hands you back your drink, and his perfect teeth grin down at you before he says;

"I meant your hand, but I'll help however I can I suppose." You blush, and he only chuckles at you.

"Oh gosh," Mor loudly exclaims. "I forgot! These are my new friends too." She hiccups, clearly intoxicated, and gestures around the hot tub to each individual. You pull your eyes from the handsome male beside you to the blonde, mysterious one across the way who's been staring at you since he'd first seen you. You only meet his piercing emerald eyes for a moment before looking away shyly.

"Feyre... then me, obviously," Mor gestures to herself. "Then we have Y/N, and then Cassian..." Cassian. Hmm... the cutie, you supposed. He glances to you again, a small smirk on his lips as hishand under the water slightly brushes against your thigh. It's enough to cause your breath to hitch.

"...then lastly is Tamlin!" You're immediately pulled from your daze upon hearing the quiet stranger's name. You'd need to be sure to get him alone later, something in his gaze was quite... hungry. It was almost like a need, perhaps one he came to satiate just as you had. It was like you were his prey, he was a hunter out for you in the forest...

Tamlin's target. That'd do.

Conversation buzzed around you as more people joined, left, rejoined, and drank in the hot tub while the sun began to set in the distance. Another kind male, (Tarquin with the Tequila, you'd deemed fit as he kept grabbing you fresh margaritas) a strikingly dark one with white locks offerred to refill your drink -- a few times, actually -- but with each passing hour, you only felt as though you wanted to at least talk to Tamlin. Alone.

"Yeah, there are only half the beds on board, so we have to share," your fuzzy attention clears as you re-engage in the conversation before you. Rhysand furrows his brows, taking in what Cassian had just said. You can't help but do the same.

"Wait, what do you mean half the beds?" Feyre asks. Cassian shrugs, looking around the tub at each person, his eyes drifting over you for only a moment.

"That's what I heard before I got on -- the rules of the Love Boat is that we have to couple up every night to sleep," he explains, then his face contorts in confusion. "Wait, were you guys not told this before you boarded? Or..."

"If it was in the contract, then I probably just skimmed over it," a pretty, fair skinned brunette girl admits. You nod in agreement, you definately didn't read every single word in that thing. But if that's the case...

"Well, if that's the case," Feyre says, rising from the bubbling water and making her way toward the stairs. "I've got some decision making to do then." She says in finality, descending upon them one by one. You sigh, your head fuzzy from the drinks and judgement clouded on what to do. You'd already met so many fine men today, sure, but you hadn't met them all -- but, even so, the sun was setting, and you needed someone to share a bed with tonight.

You rise as well, your hunter tracking your every move. Sure, did you pull your bikini up a little higher for the viewing pleasure? Maybe. Did you sway your hips when getting out of the hot tub? Also... maybe. You knew he was looking, and you quite liked it as such.

As you descended the stairs, you found most of the girls lounging on the beach beds on the main dock, all chatting away. You slipped in, sitting on a corner between Feyre and another gorgeous female with stunning chocolate skin and a long brown fishtail braid.

"Well, I'm planning to bed with Helion," Mor says confidently. She looks to a pale girl with stunning blue eyes that match the ocean's surface, her wispy red hair blowing beautifully behind her. "Gwyn, who are you thinking?"

Gwyn -- the mermaid, with those oceanic eyes -- perks up, her hand rubbing over the skin of her arm. "I haven't really met many males today, so I'm not really sure... Tarquin was nice, but I met Tamlin too and he was very interesting." Her lilting voice is so sweet, you didn't doubt any male in here would find that endearing about her.

"Personally, I'm feeling Rhysand a little bit," Feyre admits. You raise your eyebrows at her, and a few other ladies in the bunch nod in agreement.

"I met him today too -- he was really sweet," the girl with the fishtail nods. Mor giggles at her.

"Emerie, I feel like you've always liked tan guys," she says. Emerie chuckles.

"I mean, I have a type anddd... he fits the bill," she admits. Emerie who likes tans.

You glance to Feyre, who only sits quietly beside you, seeming to be thinking a million things at once in her head before her focus lands on the fair-skinned brunette from earlier.

"Elain? Have anyone in mind?" She asks. Elain's cheeks turn as red as a rose, but she smiles and covers her cheeks with her hands. She reminds you of a flower in a garden.

"I... oh, I just don't know yet, Fey." She admits. The smaller female next to her only shakes her head, her pin-straight short black hair swishing as she does.

"Better figure it out soon... these men will be pouncing like cats soon enough." Her blood red lipstick gleams in the evening sun, and Feyre glances to you again.

"Were you thinking of anyone yet?" She asks quietly. You slowly shake your head.

"No... I mean, yes... I mean, maybe? I don't know, I've only met a few guys, and I don't know... making the first move usually isn't my style." You bite the inside of your cheek. Feyre rests a hand on yours and her blue eyes peer at you.

"Y/N, you don't have to worry... I'm sure you'll have a few males asking for you tonight." She says, a soft smile curving her lips. You only chuckle, giving her hand a light squeeze.

"Oh please -- you're a total catch! Rhysand is yours if you go for him first." You glance quickly at Emerie, who is still listening in on whatever Mor is drawling on about now. Feyre takes a deep breath, and nods in agreement.

"You're right -- I should make my move first." She rises quickly, her sudden motion drawing all eyes to her.

"Okay... ladies uh... nice chat... um..." She stutters. You rise next to her, swinging your arm over her shoulders.

"Let's move in on these silly boys before they mess any of our plans up, shall we?" You declare. A chorus of cheers in agreement ring out as the group disbands, making their way about the yacht as the guys seem to be doing the same.

You take your time, slowly walking the floors and trying to avoid contact with the other males before you're able to at least converse with Tamlin. You ascend the stairs, hoping he'll be in the hot tub still...

Sure enough, he is.

He turns as you walk up to him and you say a silent prayer in thanks that you're the only two up here. His swirling green eyes meet yours, and you sensually make your way into the hot tub once more, the steam a warm greeting against the ever approaching evening air.

"I see you've made your way back." He says, his deep voice sending a thrill down your spine. You sit a few feet from him, leaning against the edge of the tub and gazing into his eyes. His stare that seems to eat you alive.

"I wanted to at least talk before..." you trail off. He raises an eyebrow slightly, and you chew on your bottom lip.

"Before..." he repeats your words.

"Before... we had to... you know-"

"Choose someone to sleep with tonight?" He finishes. You nod silently, and he sighs, his arms dipping below the water's surface. His gaze flickers toward the evening sunset for a moment, and you study his face before his eyes settle back on you once more.

"And you... only came up here... to talk?" He rasps, and you stare wide-eyed as his long fingers gently find purchase on your thigh, running up and down softly. You'd be lying if you said it didn't set your core on fire; your sex drive was already high as-is.

"I... uh, well I mean..." You suck in a sharp breath when his hands find your knees, lightly tugging you closer to him. The water swirls around you, the steam adding to your flushed complexion as he pulls you mere inches from him. He leans in close, practically hovering over you as a small smile spreads across his deliciously kiss-able lips.

"What was that you were saying, Y/N?" He whispers. The way your name rolls off of his tongue is mouth-watering... as though he's the freshest glass of water in the room, and you simply...

Wanted a taste.

You push off the hot tub bench, the water lapping at your waist as you smush your lips onto his. You were right -- they are quite kiss-able. The instant attraction is very apparently two-sided as his hands rest on the esposed skin of your waist, your hands caressing his sharp jawline and lightly threading through his bleach-blonde locks. He parts his lips, allowing you in and you take it, your tongue dancing with his in a tango of passion and instant attraction.

He guides you onto his lap, pulling you to sit atop him and continue to makeout. Every soft groan from him sends wave after wave of arousal to your core, and you couldn't help but feel excited to share a bed later. Oh, the things you had planned...

He pulls back, his half-lidded eyes searching yours as his puffy pink lips curve into a small smile, revealing his (of course) perfect smile.

"This means we're sharing a bed tonight, hm?"

✧･ﾟ: *

When the announcement came over the speakers that the passengers would be disembarking for a luxury dinner, everyone was quite thrilled! You'd found Mor again, who was happy to report that Helion confirmed he'd share her bed for the night (you hadn't yet told her about Tamlin) and a few of the other males you'd met that day fell in line beside you as you filed off the yacht, one by one toward a very expansive, very theatrical scene.

Fire dancers, bongo players, hula skirts all around -- this was a party! Everyone whooped and cheered as the group made their way toward the building, the festivities only creating more excitement as we ventured on.

"Love Boat passengers!" The Captain called from the back of the group. Everyone halted, turning to look to him as he removed his hat and gazed over the crowd.

"I have been asked to inform you that... unfortunately, you will not be re-entering the yacht," he explains. A wave of confused mutterings overtakes the group, but the Captain continues.

"Nevertheless -- you'll ride out the remainder of your retreat in a luxury villa!" The confused murmurs switch to excited chants, suprise overtaking the group.

"Lastly, I will not be in charge of you any longer. You'll be monitored via cameras, and by Lana." He announces, and begins retreating toward the yacht.

Many people call after him, asking who Lana is and looking around for another host among the entertainers on the beach. Instead, a robotic box emerges from the end of the path with a white cone-shaped device atop it, glowing with light as sound eminates from it.

"Greetings guests. I am Lana, and I am your host."

Many people look around, groaning in confusion over your new cone-shaped hostess. Lights flicker on behind the cone, illuminating the vast expanse of the luxury villa the Captain had mentioned earlier. Cue another round of excited whoops and hollers.

"Welcome to my retreat, Too Hot To Handle. The villa behind me is where you'll reside for the next four weeks while you explore the meanings behind forming deeper connections with others, bonding with people on a personal level, and forming connections that go beyond the physical standpoint." The cheering dies down, and many of the entertainers lessen their movements as Lana's spiel draws to a close.

"I hope you're ready for the journey -- because you'll be completing this retreat adhearing to my rules. And my biggest rule is that you'll complete this retreat... without the use of any physical intimacy."

✧･ﾟ: *

[baekberrie]

paracetamol - bbh

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Romance, slight angst and fluff

Au!s: Single dad au, best friends au

Sypnosys: Baekhyun, a bright, kind and beautiful person inside out, had always found himself strong enough to carry everything on his own sturdy shoulders. But as his daughter one day finds him in the middle of a breakdown, he admits that perhaps, he's not completely fine- and not as strong as he thought. Baekhyun, a twenty-eight-year-old single dad that finds himself struggling to raise his daughter, gets a  proposal from his bestfriend to finally start letting in new people in his life, meeting women on dates you had set him up with. But just as things fall into place- they fall apart on the other side.

Making him realize that he had been trying to build the wrong puzzle all along.

Making you realize that the puzzle you were making him build was one you wouldn't be a piece of. One you couldn't help him build anymore.

If you took two paracetamol pills from 500mg, would it be the same as 1000mg? Would they ever be enough to ease the ache in your chest?

"Beware of butterflies, they'll break your heart."

Was it the extremely lonely moon that had smitten him with its melancholy? Or perhaps the gentle rain tapping onto the window, inducing him to feel just as small, just as vulnerable. The tears welling up in Baekhyun's eyes were small but full of sorrow. A sorrow that controlled his voice into subtle cries that he so wanted to swallow back down his throat, a sorrow that made his body tremble.

Baekhyun was someone that always smiled, for the people around him, for himself, for his daughter. As bright as the sun, he was. Cheerful like the summer, he was. He was organized and had everything under control.

But for tonight, he couldn't control his emotions. As much as he wanted to stop crying and be stronger, the sudden wave of overwhelming feelings had unexpectedly come crashing down upon him. Until now, Baekhyun had always done his best to be the greatest version of himself, so that he could give his only daughter the best life, even without a mother. In fact, he had to say, things had gone surprisingly well and nothing like what he had imagined when his lover had suddenly left him and their daughter without notice, without explanations. It would've been a lie if he said he hadn't gone through a harsh period where he'd constantly be tested by depression, loneliness, and hopelessness. But he had had his sources of light. His daughter that day by day grew so quickly yet beautifully, had always been was what drove him forward, what prevented him from giving up so many times. And then there had been you. You and your endless will to help him with his needs as a single dad, your strengthening friendship, and your comforting smiles.

Despite the hardships he had faced, Baekhyun always considered himself extremely blessed, for he had a beautiful daughter that he truly, loved with his whole being- a daughter that solely could bring him so much happiness to last for an eternity. A loving family and precious friends that took care of him, and he took care of them. With all of these things, he would never allow himself to feel sad, broken, or lonely. It felt extremely wrong and ungrateful. Baekhyun could just not accept the fact that he too, was not endlessly strong. Just like everybody else, he had a breaking point. Now, he had finally reached it.

The twenty-nine-year-old man did not hear the little girl silently pushing his door that had been ajar, open. There would be times where his daughter wouldn't be able to sleep and seek for her dad, and she was so tiny, so he would purposely never close the door completely so that she could come in without hinders. Standing on her tippy toes, she took tiny steps to the king-sized bed that really, wasn't too big, but looked immense in her tired eyes. A little clumsily, she climbed onto the bed and plopped down next to Baekhyun, tugging gently at the sleeve of his pajamas while rubbing her eye with the other hand. Shocked to be caught in such a vulnerable moment, Baekhyun almost jumped away from the child but visibly relaxed when he saw her.

"S-sweetheart, what are you doing here?" His trembling voice gave him away, but he didn't think that his daughter would catch on it. He was wrong, for before she could even think about answering, she had already noticed the salty stains of his tears reflecting in the moonlight. The little girl almost tripped when standing up, but stubbornly caught her balance again before walking to stand in front of her father.

"Why is daddy crying?" Came her small voice, full of concern, "Did you have a nightmare?" Her arms were stretched towards him, she obviously wanted to throw them around his neck, but they were too short. The sight melted Baekhyun's heart instantly and without making her wait, he pulled her onto his lap. She hadn't been too far from right when she mentioned a nightmare, although he had been awake, the painful feelings chasing his sleep away certainly felt like one.

"Dad is okay, don't worry, hmm?" Baekhyun made sure to sound the sweetest so that he wouldn't worry her, but sometimes he underestimated the maturity of his daughter. Sure, she was still incredibly young, but every day she showed him how intelligent she was, understanding many things right away. A confused frown made its way on his face when all she did was puff her rosy cheeks with air, a bit annoyed, for that matter.

"Daddy, you not so good at lying, you know?" Once again, he was to be astonished by his own daughter. The incredulous expression on her soft features alone was able to make him forget about his anxieties. He had no idea how to respond to that, much less to the way she had started looking at him so intently. He felt slightly awkward when her chocolate brown eyes that resembled his moved all over his face for a good minute. Soon enough though, a hint of hesitation began polling within them as she started fidgeting nervously with her tiny, chubby fingers.

"Are you missing mommy?" Her voice had been so small, almost inaudible when asking the question, always afraid that the topic would sadden Baekhyun further. Early in her life, she had learned that she was slightly different from the other children because she did not have a mother. At first, it had been hard to digest the fact that everybody she knew had a mother except for her...But it did not last long, she had immensely shocked Baekhyun when she with her slightly broken language told him that she didn't mind after all, since he had always been there and it was enough.

Baekhyun vigorously shook his head at the question. What happened had by now taken place a long time ago and you could say that Baekhyun had learned to accept the way his story with the mother of his daughter had ended. He taught himself that it would never be worth it to hurt for someone who after all, did not love them enough to stay. The feelings of sorrow and heartbreak in her regards had with time morphed into something a loving person like Baekhyun would not usually carry in his heart. Rage. In fact, there would be moments when in his thoughts, he'd go back to all the good times lived together until he reached the abrupt end, and despite himself, he couldn't help but feel so angered, so disappointed. Wondering whether he had never been enough to her? And their daughter? Hadn't she meant anything for her to leave like that? What hurt the most was knowing that none of these questions were ever going to be answered. Though maybe, it was better that way. He had let it go, so there was no reason for him to reminisce about it. Sometimes though, he couldn't help it.

He brought a hand to brush the wild locks of his daughter away from her face, adoringly cupping her soft, soft cheek. "Do you? Are you sad?" He murmured, searching for an answer in her demeanor, but it was not needed because just like he had, she shook her head fervently.

"No, daddy is all I need." Sparkling adoration reflected on her face while from Baekhyun's eyes dripped honey as his lips curled in the happiest smile. A certain feeling bloomed within his chest, as if there were two hearts swelling next to each other, a kind of love and adoration that would steal his breath away. Swiftly, he put two hands underneath each of her armpits and lifted her up slightly, bringing her closer. Excited gurgles were echoing in the walls at the sudden move. He pressed a chaste kiss to her tiny lips and hugged the child to his chest, to which she happily snuggled into.

"You're my angel. Dad is so lucky to have you, you know that right?" She could only nod on his chest, her tiny fingers tightened around his shirt.

"Can I sleep here with dad?" Her head tilted upward to steal a glance at the male. Despite the sleep threatening to take over, for her, he pulled the brightest smile he could muster. Placing another kiss on the crown of her hair, he whispered a gentle; "Of course honey."

---

The clock was nearing noon when you got a text from Baekhyun asking you to pick up his daughter from kindergarten since he would be late. A smile instantly crossed your lips upon seeing the name of his contact, but also because you couldn't wait to see the baby girl again. She was the brightest ray of sun and her smile would always succeed to melt you into a puddle, not to mention the affection she held for you, it made you feel so extremely blessed to have the trust of such a gleeful child. The excitement was buzzing through your veins and you were hurrying to the destination, impatient to see what Sarang's reaction would be upon having you surprising her. She didn't know that it would be you to pick her up, and any time you had done it this way, her happy shrieks had always filled the playground.

It wasn't much different this time either. When Sarang saw you walking through the gates of her kindergarten, your name had been shrieked from the top of her lungs and before you had even known it, her short arms were circling your leg for a hug. You neither could help the endeared chuckles leaving your lips as you crouched down to her level so that you could bring her into your arms. "And how is my princess doing?" You cooed excitedly while the two of you went to get her things.

"Good!" She exclaimed, though the bright smile soon died down and was replaced by a frown on her lips. "But daddy has been a bit sad," Sarang revealed, the concern for her father was extremely obvious on her soft features.

"Yeah? What has happened to dad, hm?" You were to be disappointed when the girl only shrugged her small shoulders. Usually, you would know better than to worry over things children would say, though Sarang, was extremely mature for her age. Something truly wasn't right if it worried her. "Will you help him?"She suddenly said, begging you with her glossy eyes that prompted you to plant a reassuring kiss on her head. "Of course," You said, "Best friend on a mission!" You formed your hand into a fist and brought it forward as if you were superman, sprinting the way to your car, happy to hear Sarang giggling at the thrilling feeling of the wind against her face.

You had only started parking when Sarang had already begun begging you to let her unlock the door herself since she found it so incredibly fun and fascinating to insert the key into the lock and twist it. With a grin on your face, you fished out the extra pair of keys to their home that Baekhyun had given you from the very start and handed them to her. The metallic gadgets noisily dangled from her fingers while she skipped her way to the front door, bouncing excitedly on her feet when waiting for you so that you could lift her up, she wasn't tall enough after all.

By now, you had spent so much time with Baekhyun and Sarang that you had basically seen her grow, and that meant that you also knew what her routines were every day. Grabbing the sweet flavored yogurt from the fridge together with some fruits, you made her an afternoon snack that would later do its magic on sending her into napping mode. Half an hour later, the little girl was falling into a peaceful slumber, scrambled on the couch while her favorite cartoon played in the background. You couldn't help the smile crossing your lips. She was utterly adorable. With the soft sneers leaving her pouty lips and her long eyelashes casting a long shadow down her rosy cheeks. Ever so carefully, you picked her up in your embrace and almost melted when she automatically nuzzled her face into your neck, fisting your shirt with her little hand. You wouldn't have minded having her nap huddled in your embrace like that, but you found it better for Sarang to sleep on an actual, comfortable bed. So that was where you brought her; to her bedroom, tucked safely in the comfort of her fluffy pink sheets.

An hour had finally passed, and somehow it had felt way slower than it should've, but you figured that it was probably because you had spent it doing absolutely nothing, in a house that wasn't yours. To your relief though, you heard the lock to the door click open and shuffling footsteps entered the apartment. There was no doubt of who it was, without exaggerations, you would always know when it was him. Even the pattern of his footsteps was recognizable to you.

You left the couch to greet him and as soon as you were visible, he discarded the exhausted look from his face, just so that he could warm you up with his smile. The action tugged a tiny part of your chest, he was back from an extremely long day at work and the dark circles underneath his eyes were revealing it all. But nonetheless, he found it more important to make you comfortable with a smile rather than letting you see his exhaustion. In all honestly, you weren't sure whether to find that admirable or scold him because he was putting too much pressure on himself all the time.

"Com' here," You chimed knowingly, gesturing for him to follow you. The man trailed with small footsteps behind you as if a puppy, silently obeying when you gestured for him to sit on the couch while you walked around it. A thankful sigh pushed past his lips when your fingers gently dug into his shoulders, melting the tensing knots underneath his skin that had built during the day.

"How are you?" You murmured, genuinely wanting to know about his day, about his feelings. Whenever you'd ask him this, it would never be out of courtesy. There was just something about Baekhyun's soft, soothing voice telling you about his adventures that made you want to listen to every single word he had to say. But today, your motive was different. As your hands massaged his shoulders, Sarang's words echoed in your head, making you wonder whether Baekhyun would ever feel comfortable enough to talk about it with you. The question was answered by the defeated sigh he let out when throwing his head back against the couch, the crown of his head coming to contact with your abdomen. The gel that had been brushed through his locks was now worn off, barely holding together the wildness of his hair, which only made your fingers painfully long to thread through those chocolate strands of his. Baekhyun's eyes were shut close in exhaustion as he forced himself to speak through the tiredness.

"Sarang caught me in the middle of a breakdown." He confirmed what the little girl had told you earlier, and although the tone in his voice was merely a breathy whisper, you still caught onto the disappointment he felt towards himself. Knowing the man, he was probably considering himself a failure for letting his daughter see him in such a vulnerable state.

"A father is supposed to be a strong figure in their child's eyes, someone who can be strong enough to support them whenever someone who is wise. And yet here I am, failing miserably." Dejection coated his words as he let out the burdens weighing down on his heart. His gentle and fragile heart that had been wounded so deeply. "What do I even do?" He exasperated, "I want to give her everything. I want her to feel safe. I want to give her the mother she has a right to, the peaceful and happy childhood she deserves. But things are just so damn complicated, I-" His breath got caught in his lungs when feeling a familiar overwhelmedness of emotions threatening to crush him.

"How am I going to handle all of that?" It physically pained you to see Baekhyun in such a despaired state. Solely the way he was leaning his elbows onto his knees, stressfully hiding his face in his palm radiated such an amount of anxiousness that could've made you fall into the same pit of darkness just by looking at him. Baekhyun had been there for you every time you had needed him. You were not going to let him down.

Not a second was wasted and by the time he blinked, you were already there next to him. Fingertips running soothingly through his hair while your other hand guided his head to rest on your soft chest, to which he complied immediately. A content yet trembling whimper left his lips at the warmth and comfort of your embrace, his nose traced its way to the crook of your neck where he could inhale the sweetness of your perfume mixed with fabric softener.

"I don't want to be so vulnerable. I'm sorry you're always here to witness me being so weak." Again, Baekhyun couldn't help but resent himself for his overflowing flaws and imperfections he couldn't get a hold of no matter what. "No, don't say that Baekhyun. I'm thankful to be able to be the one helping you in any kind of situation." Perhaps you had let on too much? But this was what you felt. As his best friend, just the thoughts of him being comforted by someone else would spark some kind of jealousy within you, because you wanted to be the one to anchor him at any time.

"Maybe it's time that you start letting new people into your life again?" You pondered out loud while your fingers twirled around Baekhyun's satin-like curly brown locks, earning nothing but a frustrated groan. "Minseok's been saying that for weeks, to try dating and all that." By the irritated undertone in his voice, you could tell that he was indeed not keen on letting new females in his life yet.

"I've been considering it, but I don't want this to turn into Sarang feeling neglected either," Baekhyun expressed his worries while lifting his head from your chest so that he could look at you instead, letting you view the worry swimming in his dark pools.

"It doesn't have to turn out like that, I'll be with Sarang whenever it's needed," You suggested, giving his cheek a gentle caress. With a sigh, he leaned into your touch. "You shouldn't have to do that as often as you already do, she's my responsibility, not yours."

"Baek, you also deserve to find your happiness." At that, all he did was bit his lips, the war in his head visible from his troubled orbs. "Everything will be okay," You assured, "I'll find some impeccable dates for you and we'll start simply, hm? How does that sound?"The male contemplated your proposal with a skeptical look on his face which made you roll your eyes dramatically.

"Oh stop it, you can trust me!"

"Fine, fine."

***

"Wow! Daddy so handsom!!" Came Sarang's high pitched gurgle at the view of her father. You had to second her on that. With his curls resting on his forehead in such a youthful way, the light jeans and the collar of a button-up peeking from the sweater made him look absolutely irresistible. With a chuckle, baekhyun kneeled down to pick the girl up, resting her comfortably on his hip and placing the sweetest kiss on her temple, making you almost squeal out loudly at the view. "Really?" he chimed sweetly, earning a few excited nods, to which he laughed.

"Thank you, princess." Although the fondness in his voice as he spoke to his daughter, the nervousness and distress were limpidly reflecting in his orbs, and you found yourself softening before him, you found absolutely no reason for him to feel all the worry he was feeling.

"Be confident Baekhyun," You said once he'd put Sarang down, letting her run off to play. "You're such a handsome and charming man, with beautiful qualities. You have it all." You murmured with so much adoration and sincerity, maybe even too much because your heart had started swelling in your chest upon speaking such words. The fact that you would always know what he was feeling before him saying it first would never stop astonishing him. Relief washed over his features and he allowed himself to step a little closer. For a second, you thought you had forgotten how to breathe, when his lips had caressed ever so gently to your cheek, pressing one or two kisses before leaning back and eyeing you with a  heartbreaking smile that neither you could run away unaffected from, while breathing the sweetest "Thank you," you had ever had directed towards yourself.

After one last brief goodbye, which was the thirteenth as well, he finally left the apartment, leaving you to sigh heavily and praying in your mind that everything could go well. That he wouldn't close himself if the first tries wouldn't work out. You knew that Baekhyun could turn out to be very sensitive after what had happened to him. While keeping him in your mind, you called out of Sarang, and the little girl appeared soon, giggling and smiling she jumped in your arms. "Shall we start our ladies' night!?" You cooed excitedly, prompting her to squeal and gesticulate enthusiastically, her happy antics would never fail to put your worries at bay, spreading nothing but warmth in your chest. The Barbie movie she adored so much had just started playing when she suddenly turned in her embrace, curiosity shining in her droopy eyes that were just like his. You quirked a questioning eyebrow and Sarang let out a small giggle, "Is daddy going to fall in love?" the thought of her dad going out to 'fall in love' as her sweet innocence made her see it, seemed to excite her a lot. A soft smile fell on your lips as a hand caressed her soft tresses gently. "Hopefully," You replied, only thinking that it would be beautiful if he could fall in love, it would be amazing if love didn't come with pain.

It really would be. And you hoped that for Baekhyun who deserved it more than anyone else.

30 minutes into the third movie was when you finally felt your eyes getting droopy. Initially, you had tried making the baby girl go to sleep already after the second movie, but she had insisted to stay awake until her daddy came back and wouldn't take a no for an answer. Until a few moments ago, she had been bouncing like an energetic bunny and you couldn't understand how she had all of that energy when you hadn't even given her any sweets yet. Though now, it seemed as if her body was slowly giving in to the tiredness, but obviously enough, she fought it as hard as she could to finish watching the romantic animated film. You suppressed the laugh at her funny expression, flushed chubby cheeks and brows arched into a frown, her eyes glaring really intensely at the huge TV screen as if it would chase her sleepiness away.

But you ended up being no better as you had ended up falling asleep with her on the couch. Her little body in a fetal position as she had in her sleep snuggled into your laying body. Sarang's head rested on your chest while her tiny fists grabbed onto the hoody enveloping your body, its scent was bound to make her lean closer into it. In fact, it wasn't even yours,  you hadn't been able to find a darn blanket in the whole house, and Sarang had been of no help either, but you couldn't blame the girl for not knowing where her dad hid things. And that was why you had stolen one from his closet, choosing the biggest out of them all, knowing that Baekhyun would probably not mind you doing that.

You did not know for how long you had been asleep when you were suddenly woken up by feeling Sarang being lifted from next to you. A loud gasp left your lips as you sat up abruptly, looking around frantically, your mind still numb because of the sleep.

"Hey, shh, it's me," Came a hushed whisper to which you recognized the voice. A gentle hand placed itself on your cheek, turning you to look in their direction. Your eyes were still wide with shock as you eyed the Baekhyun who was currently pressing his lips into a thin line so that he wouldn't let out the laugh in his throat and wake up Sarang. The mischievousness was a permanent glint in his eyes as he then patted down your wild locks.

"Go back to sleep, it's okay," He said with a smirk on his face although his voice was nothing but soothing and gentle. When he saw that you still wouldn't budge from your current position, he shifted the sleeping Sarang slightly in his embrace, reaching out with his hand to your shoulder, pushing you gently to lay back down. "Sleep," He murmured one last time while his hand had traveled from your shoulder to give your cheek that was by now, flushed by the hot temperature, a soft caress that induced your heavy eyelids to droop back close. All you could really decipher at that moment was the question swirling in your head, wondering whether you were going to remember these few interactions tomorrow morning.

***

The sound of your name being called by an angel-like voice reached your ears, though, you were pretty sure it was part of the beautiful dream you were having while basking in the warmth of the sun-rays peeking from the curtains, but most of all, completely immersed in a familiar scent, a homely and ridiculously good one. It wasn't yours, and at the moment you had no idea who it might've belonged to but you knew, in your state of sleepiness that you didn't want to get out of it. Eventually, you were forced out of your sleep when you were shaken awake. You had difficulty opening your heavy eyes but it soon passed when the first thing you saw was his almond-shaped, droopy eyes gazing down at you.  It was when a soft smile crept on his lips that you finally realized how you weren't in your own bed, nor the couch you had fallen asleep on yesterday. Mainly, that the sweet, comforting scent you had been engulfed in this time not only derived from the oversized hoody you were wearing but from the fluffy white sheets surrounding you on the king-sized bed you could've only wished you could ever afford.

"Baek," You sleepily whined with disbelief while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. "You gave me your bed again." You stated. "Why did you move me from the couch? You should've used the bed instead!" First thing in the morning, you found yourself scolding Baekhyun for being overly selfless. You had felt how tense his back had been with knotted muscles just a few days ago, and there he was, giving away a well-needed sleep so that you could've been more comfortable. As much as this could be considered a good quality, you couldn't help but sometimes feel that Baekhyun was way too generous for his own good. The male sitting on the free space next to you on the bed did not even comment on what you had just said, letting your words fade into thin air.

"Did you sleep well?" He questioned instead, blinking his puppy eyes ever so innocently and you could only groan out loudly. "Nggh, I can't handle you," You lamented into the fabric of his hoody. "Don't be like that, you know I like doing these things." Baekhyun insisted.

"Yes, but it shouldn't cost you your health, Baekhyun!" You almost hissed, rasping your dry throat in the process. The slight harshness in your tone managed to quieten Baekhyun who only looked down in his laps.

"But you were so deeply asleep, I couldn't bring myself to wake you up or to let you be uncomfortable on the sofa!" Baekhyun continued to argue after a small moment of silence, his pouty lips tilting into a sulky frown. "Plus...You were starting to drool and that couch isn't exactly cheap, you know," he eventually admitted what might have been his main reason, leaving you to flush deep red with embarrassment, finding no other solution than to hide your face in his pillow. "Why did you tell me that, gosh." you groaned while suppressing the bubbling urge to scream into the pillow as well, but you decided that you had embarrassed yourself enough to do that too.

Baekhyun only giggled in response, muttering a quick: "Just kidding," To which you reacted faster than he'd expected when you threw your pillow at him, earning a girly yell from the almost thirty-year-old man. Suddenly, as if lightning had struck you, you calmed immediately down.

"How did the date go?!" You exclaimed excitedly as you crawled closer to him. Baekhyun seemed startled by your sudden mood swings for a moment but got over it quickly. You understood that something was off when Baekhyun gave you an uncertain cringe in response.

"It went well until I mentioned Sarang," He confessed, finally letting go of his usual worry-free facade and allowing the defeated look he'd been holding back take over his features, shoulders slumping together and eyebrows bent with frustration, forming a crease on his forehead. His pink lips pouty and begging for comfort, but you immediately took your eyes elsewhere to keep your thoughts about Baekhyun's lips at bay. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the main struggle of having an attractive best friend, but that was a story for another time.

"Oh," You cooed, "Baekhyun, it's not your fault, please don't beat yourself up about it." You tried to console him but to no avail. Truthfully, there wasn't much you could do if women were scared away by the fact that he already had a child. But you still tried to ease his worries. Letting out a soft breath, you mustered a smile that you hoped could relieve him, your hand gently rubbing his arm.

"I believe that maybe, you should wait for a few dates in before speaking up about your family, so that the girl can get to know you for you, without any prejudices they may come up with beforehand. Hm?" The suggestion didn't sound illogical as Baekhyun contemplated it, eventually nodding hastily, "You're right," He agreed with a smile.

"Good, then I'll set a date with your next candidate later on today."

***

Every challenge in life was bound to be a bumpy road that would cause one to stumble, and even fall on the way. But never would it be impossible to go through. You had experienced that and strongly stood by that statement. Though, even you felt the tiniest hint of hope slip through your fingers when Baekhyun had one night returned from his date with a second match that you had found him, rather defeated. The girl had right after their first meeting rejected the idea of getting to know him further, and to your relief this time it hadn't been because of Sarang. Somehow, you found yourself appreciating the girl's honesty and confidence, she knew what she wanted and when she didn't find it in Baekhyun (which left you quite baffled because he was perfect) she ended things before they could go too far. It had taken a few tries to convince Baekhyun to not give up, trying to make him understand that sometimes it could take longer to find a great match. The whole blind date situation though slowly started to become less appealing to him. He had sighed heavily when saying that he didn't like to hurry and force such processes in his life that were supposed to take its time to come.

It was because of that when he entered the apartment with a wide grin on his face, you hadn't known better than to excitedly squeal and jump in his arms. You could feel his smile on your skin as he tightened his arms around you.

"Did you get a second date?" You questioned, loosening the hug ever so slightly so that you could take in the joyful expression on his face. The male gave you a dreamy grin and nodded with a childish innocence that made your heart swell with warmth. Something poked into your thoughts,  something you couldn't put a finger on. It didn't feel positive, so you waved it away and concentrated on the happiness that hadn't taken place on his face for a long time now.

"I'm so happy for you Baek," You smiled, caressing his arm affectionately, "How was she?" You wondered curiously and his smile seemed to widen at the mention of the amazing girl he had just gone on a date with. You were happy to see this kind of expression display so mindlessly on his beautiful features. He truly deserved to be happy.

"She's beautiful and easygoing, which was such a relief. I felt comfortable right away. All in all, it was like a breath of fresh air. Obviously, I can't either of us have feelings yet, but I think there's a potential between us." Baekhyun explained, and you found a part of his sentence rather relieving- for a reason to you unknown but you decided not to dwell on it.

"I'm glad you liked her, I'm rooting for you!" You cheered with the most delightful expression you could muster, you wanted him to know that whatever he would do, that you would be there to support him. You wanted to see him smile, like this, every day. And if this girl would be the reason for it, then so be it. Thankfulness and adoration swam in his oceans as he took in the bright smile on your face, his expression almost having a sad twinge to it, but perhaps you were just seeing things wrong. Without a warning, he pulled you into another embrace- a silent one and yet so incredibly emotional as he pressed you to his chest, making you wonder where the butterflies fluttering in your belly came from- you had never had them before.

"Thank you." He breathed out, and his long eyelashes caressed the surface of your neck, "I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I want to give you just as much back, I promise that I'll do it."

"Baekhyun." His name tasted as always, just so sweet on your tongue, but as you had a slightly warning tone in your voice, today it felt also a bit sour. "You don't have to do anything. I'm doing this as your best friend because I want to. It's not something you'll owe me later. Okay? Please don't feel that way when you're with me. Whatever I give, just take, take. Please." You could only beg him, for once you wanted to be one to be unconditionally giving to him- it was an urge, a sensation that surged from the deepest part of your heart. Something you had to fulfill.

Tickling. An intense tickling took place in your tummy once again when the male tightened his arms that were laced around your waist, making it possible for you to feel his heartbeat against your raging one. Soon, they melted together into one unstable melody as your heart was beating so incredibly fast- crashing and rebelling against your thoughts, without your permission skipping exciting beats. This hug had by long surpassed the line between friendly and something more.

"No." Baekhyun murmured soothingly into your ear and unwillingly sent shivers thundering down your spine when the tips of his lips brushed ever so slightly against the shell of your ear, leaving no space for interjections.

Why was he like this?

Why was your heart like this? Beating at a speed of a thousand, you couldn't keep up, you felt out of breath.

You couldn't keep up.

***

The third girl you had set up with Baekhyun was just a few years younger than him. The two seemed to have clicked just perfectly as one date had turned into two- and two into three, into regular meets almost every day. Often, you found yourself babysitting the little Sarang, these days barely getting to see the man as he'd be out by the time you'd reach his house. You should've been happy for him, that finally, he had someone who wanted to commit themselves to him, that there was someone who loved making him feel like he mattered, but why was it that there was not even a crumb of happiness in his regards? It drove you to despise yourself, never had you thought that you could've been so cruel, so cold at heart, and for what exactly? For what reason? You missed him, sure, but you didn't believe that explained the clenching fingers clawing at your chest whenever you'd enter his damned house. The joy of babysitting the ray of sunshine had dissipated into nothingness and you had no idea how to make yourself grasp at any kind of motivation to keep going. But a part of you still fought, at least for the little Sarang who deserved anything she could get, truly. You could see it in her now saddened doll-eyes, that she too felt unusually lonely.

The moments where you'd babysit Sarang had morphed into the most dreaded hours of the day. It was as if a part of your conscious insisted for you to fight against the longing toward Baekhyun, a sensation that begged you to stay in your home, telling you that if you refused to help him out- you wouldn't have to deal with that throbbing loneliness and darn pain suffocating your every other emotion. And yet, you couldn't find it in yourself to say no, not to Baekhyun who counted on you so much. After all, you wanted him to feel like he could count on you always, you wanted him to reach out to you like he always did. You wanted him to continue doing that, and then maybe... at some point, he'd remember you were there too.

Pathetic, weren't you after all? So much for denying when it was so clear.

Everything was so clear.

That you wanted him all to yourself. Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun. You longed to have his chocolate eyes swarming with warmth directed to you again, you wanted his radiant smile to melt your heart and cover your skin with goosebumps. You wanted his voice calling out to you for more than just a brief greeting. A long, never-ending conversation with just the two of you, on the sofa. That was what you longed for. To simply have back the time the two of you used to spend together. To be that constant in his life.

You fucking missed him, and that was okay, wasn't it? You were best friends after all. Didn't he miss you even a little bit? Now that he'd been distant for so long, didn't he think of his best friend the slightest bit? You felt your heart crack the slightest.

He was just your best friend, but why did it hurt so damn much? When the fuck did things start crumbling above of you?

If you took two paracetamol pills from 500mg, would it be the same as 1000mg? Would they ever be enough to ease the ache in your chest?

Your train of thoughts was interrupted when the screen of your phone suddenly lit up, almost startling you out of your current position on the couch. Currently, you were in the comfort of your home. The device vibrated with an incoming call and a sigh tumbled from your already parted lips.

Speaking of the devil, you thought as you hesitantly picked the phone up, for a moment you considered not answering the call. To let it ring until it would hit the hotline. Would that keep you in his thoughts?- A frown creased your brows as you realized what in the world you were thinking and before you could even evaluate your choice, you had already swiped the green button, answering the call.

It was just a call anyway. Just Baekhyun, it wasn't like something had changed after all.

You had to take a deep breath to steady your unusually nervous heartbeat. "Hello?" You spoke expectantly, finally realizing that it had been a while since he actually called you instead of sending brief texts. "Hey," His voice sounded darker over the phone, you couldn't help but remark, longing for more, the grip on your phone tightened- fingertips turning white.

"I- I know I've been asking you to come very often lately, I know you're probably resting right now and I'm sorry, but I truly need your help- I don't know what to do," Baekhyun sounded so extremely frustrated and distressed as he rambled on insecure words to which you could only frown to as you barely caught a thing he said.

"Baekhyun, calm down," You called soothingly, your voice a mere hushed tone as you knew that if you kept a calm manner, he would too. In fact, not even a second later, you heard the man draw a long breath, and almost, almost, you could see him and his chest deflate slowly as air would escape his pretty lips before you. "Now, tell me what's the matter."

"Sarang is throwing a fit! I-" Baekhyun did not know where to start, his hand gesticulating although you were not there to see him. Disbelief cascaded on his words the more he spoke, you could tell that he was absolutely desperate. "She's in her room and won't talk to me, I don't know what I have done wrong." He sighed defeatedly, "I really don't know." A moment of silence took place before his voice that had shrunken into a small, breakable whisper reached your ears again.

"Please...I really need you..." Your throat went absolutely dry at the plea in his hushed, husky voice and you swallowed whatever was left of moisture in your mouth, but to no avail, as everything was parched. Only a defeated sigh passed through your parted lips as you knew, that you were going to lose yourself in that sensation again. The one that empowered your resistance against him. You felt so lost as your lips parted and spoke on their own, you were drowning. Your lungs completely suffocating when surrounded by the longing for him that was enveloping you like violent waves in a rainstorm.  

"I'll be there." The reassuring words had rolled off your tongue without your consent, but a part of you told you that it had been the right thing to do when you heard the relieved hum coming from Baekhyun on the other side. The smile spoke volumes in his voice as he thanked you hundreds of times.

***

Your gaze traveled along the pink door leading to Sarang's room. On its surface hung countless colorful drawings, to which each and all of them sparkled with childish happiness, a youth that manifested in the odd yet fantasy-filled representation of her little self holding Baekhyun's hand. In some drawings, you would even find yourself being present as well, which would never cease to provide you a lovely warmth in your chest.

Teeth dug into your lip while you contemplated your next actions. Baekhyun was standing just a few meters away with a worried frown permanently creasing his soft features while his eyes were unwavering from your figure and you could feel his gaze burning on your back. For some reason, his presence felt ever so slightly unnerving,  you were sure that it was because it had been a while since the two of you finally seen each other ever since he started frequenting the girl.

Deciding to not waste any more time, you shot your shot and brought your fist to the door, knocking gently, calmly calling out to the child. "Sarang, It's me, unnie." You started after a few knocks, "Will you let me in?" Your question lingered in the air thickly for a few moments until it completely dissipated. Your lips pressed into a thin line, a bit discouraged. But nonetheless, you insisted. "Why are you sad, baby? Don't you wanna tell unnie?" Coo found its way in your voice, sweet and understanding, inducing the angry child from the other side of the wall to give in. Relief washed over you when the pink door slowly creaked open. Quickly, you sent a glance in Baekhyun's direction from over your shoulder, only to see him smiling softly at the sight of you entering his daughter's room. It was a knowing smile, like he had known exactly what had been needed when Sarang had refused him. A sweet warmth crawled in your chest, eventually spreading lovingly into every inch of your body and you found yourself smiling despite the situation.

The child had her back facing you and her small shoulders slumped downwards while her tiny fists tightened next to her sides, fingers gripping onto her puffy dress. You felt the previous warmth in your chest immediately get replaced by a cold, heartbreaking pain clenching at your heart. Oh, how you despised to see the ray of sunshine burn out like this. If something had managed to take that toothy smile from her features then it meant something, or, someone had truly hurt her feelings.

With your legs crossed on the floor, you reached out of her fist and gently untangled her fingers from the tight hold. "Sweetie," You cooed, "Who made you sad? Who should I scold, hm?" Your voice was only a mere whisper as Sarang let her herself be guided to your chest, eventually nuzzling into it once enveloped by your arms, and your heart was to be broken when she burst into subtle sniffles, indicating that she was shedding tears. "Oh honey," You soothed while running your hands through her slightly knotted tresses, her little body shook in your arms and you could only bring her closer to your chest. "What's wrong honey, please tell me or unnie will cry too." The words seemed to convince her because when you leaned away to cup her chubby cheeks with your warm palms, she let you. Her droopy puppy eyes were puffy and red with tears as she sadly blinked her long, wet lashes at you. Her flushed cheeks crystalized by the salty water.

"D-daddy," She started but struggled to speak as the hiccups bubbling in her throat were strong and overpowering, shaking her small body. "Daddy don't play with Sarang no more, he dun love Sarang no more." Upon speaking the last sentence Sarang broke into tears again, letting out ugly cries filled with heartbreak and sadness.

"Sweetheart! Why are you talking like that, you know daddy loves you. He always will." You assured but deep inside you couldn't help but wonder what this whole situation was all about, you knew that Sarang wouldn't even utter such words if it wasn't for a valid reason.

She shook her head furiously, her eyebrows bending into a sulky frown, her lips pouty and pointing downward. "Dad only talks with other unnie, he forgets about Sarang." The tears were still pooling in her eyes and slowly trailing down her kissable cheeks. It pained you to listen to what she was saying, although you knew that she was innocently exaggerating some details. It didn't take a genius to realize it, children had strong emotions and experienced things very animatedly.

"I don't want daddy to fall in love anymore." A great portion of your conscious was screaming that this was your fault after all. It was only because of you if Baekhyun had met new people, leading him to spend lesser time with his daughter. But even if you apologized to the child, she wouldn't completely understand the connections, so you settled with caressing her cheeks, with your thumb, and brushed away the tear stains.

"Sarang," A soft smile blossomed on your lips as you thought about how much Baekhyun adored Sarang. "Daddy loves you so much, more than anyone else.  But sometimes he too can get caught with other people. It's normal, do you understand that?" She nodded hesitantly. "Since daddy is forgetful, and a bit dumb too," You playfully whispered the last part, prompting her to let out a giggle although her glossy eyes. "He needs someone like Sarang to remind him whenever too much, is too much. Would you do that for him, Sarang?" This time, the little girl seemed far brighter as he bobbed her head up and down, soon a smile taking place on her lips. "Then go tell daddy why you are angry now, go scold him. Grr!" You growled playfully and formed your hands into claws, to which she imitated gleefully, repeating the sound of a little tigress.

When her happy gurgles had died down, Sarang crossed her arms on her chest in a fierce demeanor and pouted angrily. You raised an amused brow and had to press your lips together so that you wouldn't laugh. "Do I look scary?" She whispered secretly, curiosity and question marks sparkled within her orbs and you nodded enthusiastically, ushering her to step outside where Baekhyun had been waiting all this time, probably nerve-wracked.

The man's face brightened like the sun when Sarang stepped out of her room with you following close behind. Without wasting a single second, he crouched on the floor and opened his arms for her to step inside them, but was caught off guard when Sarang intimidatingly crossed her arms over her chest just like she had done with you two minutes ago. " I am angry at daddy!" She spouted right in his face, not bothering to put it into a nicer way. Baekhyun was shocked, almost scandalized for that matter and you had to drill your teeth into your lip to not burst into laughter.

"B-baby- what?" He stammered, clearly taken aback. His arms that had been inviting her into a hug slowly fell limp next to his sides.

"Daddy, you always go out and forget about Sarang." The child pointed out to the father whose eyes widened with realization, regret slowly but surely taking over every inch of his being.

"I feel like daddy don't care about me no more," The anguish burst through the tough behavior that she had tried to pull off in the begging, the playfulness by now long gone and both you and Baekhyun saw how her already swollen eyes had started to water again. Baekhyun felt like her heart had broken right in his hands and he felt so angry at himself, disappointed. So much for being a better father, only for it to hurt the most important person in his life.

"Oh sweetheart, I-" Even he choked on the lump in the throat, tears immediately reached his waterline to blurry out his view. You felt like you weren't supposed to stand right there and witness such a scene, but it wasn't like you could leave either.

"I am so sorry," He gasped and desperately reached out for Sarang who thankfully did not move away and instead let her father embrace her. His face was nuzzled into her little shoulder while his beautiful hand was in a constant caressing motion at the back of her head, whispering sorrowful apologies to her ears.

"I- I just wanted you to be happier, I wanted to find someone so that you could have a mommy again. But instead, I hurt you, and daddy is so sorry, will you forgive him?" Baekhyun explained to his girl while rocking their bodies slowly from side to side, his voice by now weak and threatening to break at any second. Sarang abruptly leaned away from his chest, wearing a disbelieved frown on her face.

"But Sarang don't need a mommy! Sarang has daddy and unnie, is enough!" She scolded her own dad for not knowing any better although she had made it clear to him that having a mother wasn't a necessity at this point, yet not truly understanding that Baekhyun needed someone to love him that way. She was indeed, still too young for that conversation. However, the male tried to put it in a simpler way.

Ever so gently, he tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear, a tender, an extremely sweet smile blossomed on his lips, and even just seeing him making that face was enough for the butterflies to wildly flutter their wings against the walls of your tummy.  You wanted to look away but you simply couldn't, he was like the sun, and like its flower, you kept yourself gazing at him.

"Sarang, sweetheart." He initiated calmly, "I know that is how you feel, and dad is happy that you are content." His voice was soothing, a mere feather running along with your ears as he pronounced each and every word slowly so that he was sure that she could understand all of it. Not so subtly, he looked up at you and met your magnetic gaze before continuing. "However, even people like daddy and unnie need someone who loves them as a mother and father does to each other," Baekhyun concluded and guided his eyes towards his daughter again, who seemed to get a hold of the concept he was. Although not completely happy with the answer, she nodded understandingly, looking down at her feet and in the process cast a faint shadow of her lashes down her apple round cheeks.

"Thank you for understanding, Sarang. I love you, baby." Baekhyun sincerely said before trapping the little girl in his embrace again, extremely joyful about the fact that she had wrapped her short arms around his neck back. She had forgiven him.

"What do you think about a movie night? Every day for the next week?" He then suggested enthusiastically, approving the thought of canceling a couple of dates with the girl. After all, he had every right to spend time with his daughter. It was about time that he started setting his priorities straight again. Little Sarang let out an excited squeal that made Baekhyun flinch back and painfully hold his ear while he cringed at the bouncing girl in his arms. Relief settled onto your heart while watching the forgive each other, not stopping the soft smile from crawling on your lips.

With a satisfied sigh, you excused yourself. "Well then, I'll take my leave." You announced briefly and readied yourself to reach the front door. Baekhyun and Sarang stopped playing with each other and unintentionally whined at the same time, in the same way, making you crack up the slightest. Baekhyun scrambled to his feet and hurried to stand in front of you, a shy look crossing his delicate face, making you want to just- cup his cheeks so bad and just shower them with lov- No. Contain yourself.

"No, don't leave."

"Huh?

"Stay. After all, it is thanks to you that we solved this matter." Baekhyun proposed with a proud smile on his lip, one that you couldn't reciprocate. You shook your head in disagreement.

"No, Baekhyun. It's my fault that this happened." You said dejectedly, finding a sudden interest in your shoes, missing the disapproving frown that Baekhyun had upon hearing your words.

"Hey," He had beckoned lowly, ever so slightly warningly as his gentle fingers had to your surprise, clasped around your chin, tilting your face upwards so that you could meet his sincere orbs. They were pooling with such raw emotions that overwhelmed you, crashed upon you even though you couldn't figure out a single one of them. The warmth from his delicate fingertips seeped into your skin and yet, that sudden proximity still managed to send shooting starts down your spine.

"That is absolutely not true." Baekhyun murmured, "Please don't feel that way." You had no idea if it had been your eyes playing hallucinating, but at one point, his dark, droopy gaze had fallen from your eyes to the south of your face. The action was subtle, perhaps could've been seen as innocuous, but it set your heart on fire, it went crashing against your ribs- rebelling against your thoughts and begging to burst through your chest. He was too close and you found yourself completely unable to get a hold of your emotions. You had felt how the tongue had tied itself into a knot in your mouth, cold sweat prickling at your skin. Why he was having such a dramatic effect on your body, you couldn't tell and it frustrated you so much- to not function properly in his proximity. Since when had things become this way?

"Just stay and watch a few movies with us, it's been a while anyways. We... I miss having you around." The pleading in his voice was genuine and it didn't fail to squeeze your heart longingly, you felt so damn wanted at that moment that despite your hesitant self, you still found yourself nodding at his request. You had waited for the moment he'd ask you to spend time with him again, where it could just be you, him, and the little Sarang. Maybe, he hadn't completely forgotten about you completely after all.  A relieved and thankful smile bloomed on Baekhyun's pretty lips as you agreed, his hands immediately reached for yours like it was all they had ever longed for, taking you to the living room.

The title of the movie appeared proudly on the Tv screen as you and Sarang entered the living room. Baekhyun had dragged you there right away, but you had insisted to get Sarang in her pajama before doing anything else. The man was already sprawled on the couch in his light blue pajama, its slight oversize made his portions shrink in the silky fabric, nonetheless looked immaculate. With his brown hair looking absolutely soft and caressive and a soft hue spreading on his shiny cheeks, a color that made your eager fingers twitch in the urge to reach out and touch them. His skin that always looked so flawless no matter from where you gazed,  you wondered if it was as soft as it seemed, or if it also was surrounded by a gentle scent of lotion-like his pretty hands often were. You knew because your skin was now bearing a certain fragrance that he had transmitted to you when holding your hand in his. For some reason, you couldn't stop concentrating on the flowery scent now emanating from your hands.

If you'd smell it from close- you'd probably get drunk on it. On him.

Had you just admitted that?

Sarang was radiating excitement as she ran to the couch, jumping on it like the bunny she was and snuggled immediately next to Baekhyun who wordlessly brought her closer, placing an affectionate kiss on her crown. Teeth were drilled in your lip as you took a seat, for your own sanity keeping a distance that usually wouldn't be there. Sitting by the end of the couch, you earned two confused looks from both Baekhyun and Sarang.

Baekhyun looked you up and down with an incredulous look, almost mockingly as he chuckled out loud. "What are you doing," He deadpanned, leaning across the couch to grip your arm. "You're acting weird today," Baekhyun pointed out, " just come here." He chimed as he with a gentle force dragged you next to him, throwing an arm around your shoulders so that you wouldn't escape. "There we go," He hummed contently, tightening his hold around you and Sarang who was in your same position but on the opposite side. For a moment you went completely frozen in your spot, the parts of your body that brushed his was all you could concentrate on. How scorching hot his skin was on yours, scalding you. As if you were the fuel, it took Baekhyun only a single touch for you to turn into a fire. It was as if the air in your lungs had been sucked out within a mere second, leaving you to gasp for oxygen. He- Baekhyun was so close, too close. He really shouldn't be so forward with you, putting his hand on your hip and gripping it casually, you wished you could tell him to take it easy on you, that you couldn't handle it if he did that kind of things. Your heart was weak, so extremely weak and already beating at such a speed, you feared it'd combust. You feared that he would feel it drumming and vibrating like a bass through your shaking body. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to move away.

You couldn't bring yourself to even articulate a single word, there was a whole dance school going on in your belly.

You were melting in his embrace, and you wanted to.

"My princesses," Baekhyun cooed, his voice sounded as if it was dripping with honey and affection when he pressed another kiss to Sarang's head, and to your utter, beautiful disbelief, on yours too. Baekhyun's lips that you had never expected to ever have anywhere near your skin were now tenderly pressing a fond kiss to your temple. When he leaned slightly away, his candy scented breath melted into your skin before he closed the gap once again and pecked you once more, making you straight out tremble. Baekhyun's nape was right next to your nose as you had allowed yourself  (despite your nervous body) to cuddle into him like he had wanted you to, and you had to fight the urge to lean in and run your nose down his neck and breathe in the dazing scent coming from his fresh skin. There wasn't a single second where your whole being hadn't craved to drift even closer to him that night.

After a while, Sarang finally fell into a deep slumber in the arms of her father. It had been predictable that she wasn't going to last much longer, all that crying had for sure drained her energies. Baekhyun got up to put her to sleep, but soon returned and sat back on his spot. Not forgetting to make sure he could have his body in contact with yours, and so the two of you continued to watch movies until the late night.

***

As slumber was slowly leaving your body, all you could subconsciously remark was that you hadn't slept this well in a long time. A few parts of your body were aching due to the awkward position that you weren't completely aware of yet. A content, lazy smile was on your lips when your body became conscious of the comforting warmth provided, it was combining with your own and crawling soothingly to reassure every inch of your body. But the more you slipped into awakeness, although your eyes were still closed shut with sleep, you realized that it wasn't really a blanket keeping you warm as you had believed just a few moments ago. Frowning groggily, you slowly allowed your eyes to flutter open, meeting one of the most breathtaking scenes you had ever taken part of. For a moment all you could think was that there was an angel lying next to you, an angel was holding you in his arms and he looked beautiful as if he had stepped out of a painting and blessed you with his presence.

In the span of a few seconds, your heartbeat had sped up, only to sooner calm down, its excitement morphing into a warmth that allowed flowers to bloom in your tummy. Their petals were tickling you and their roots were carving the beautiful letters of his name into your heart. His wavy hair was messily scattered over his forehead, on his crown it stuck into every direction but nonetheless- beautiful. A beautiful mess. Baekhyun's lips were slightly parted as soft sneers tumbled out of them. The eyelashes were glittering in the golden rays of the sun peeking through the blinders, like small diamonds adorning a ring. Their length reached the flushed apples of his cheeks, kissing them and casting a sweet shadow. You smiled fondly at the innocent view, at the warm blush that traveled from his left cheek, up the bridge of his nose and onto the right cheek, a soft hue that made him look so gorgeously young. His face completely free of any frown, indicating that he was having a peaceful sleep. Like he wasn't carrying so many struggles on his own, he looked like a carefree kid having his afternoon nap.

You felt yourself melting before him, Baekhyun's limbs were hugging your hips close to himself and his hands lazily claimed your waist while his fingertips teased the exposed skin of your back. The organ in your chest swelled, filling itself with so much affection and raw emotions, it swelled and swelled until you felt it pounding against your ribs. As if it was begging to break free and intertwine itself with Baekhyun's. Your eyes traced his tender features as he slept, so peaceful and mild, you wished the world could stop in this instant so that you could forever share this warmth with him. So that you could forever be embraced by his strong arms, protected, loved. So that you could forever bask in his scent that was sweet and soapy, mixed with the freshness of wood.

Another smile found its way on your lips as you pondered.

Indeed, loving Baekhyun was as easy as hating the cops.

Indeed-

Loving...

Loving Baekhyun.

The realization hit you like an ice-cold waterfall cutting through your body, air hitching inside of your throat as your eyes widened like saucers. Suddenly the flowers blooming in your chest felt like thorns scratching and cutting your insides. No, oh fuck no.

You should've known that the butterflies had been a red flag all along. With your chest heaving for oxygen, you re scrambled from your laying position, making Baekhyun stir awake at the sudden violent movements.

You liked him... No, you fucking loved him. You loved Baekhyun so much and it was so fucked up that you were helping him get together with someone else instead of making your feelings clear for him.

You had no idea why you felt so unnerved all of a sudden, but your thoughts were swirling all over your the place into a jumbled mess, making you breathless and utterly confused, all you knew was that you needed to leave the house and just getaway. Get away from him.

The heart jumped all the way to your throat when his voice suddenly ringed through the walls. Husky and tired, it called your name questioningly, making you freeze in your steps as you saw him entering the hallway you were standing in.

"What's going on?" He yawned, "Where are you going?"He pouted, which you really couldn't handle at the moment. Even in your panicked state, your brain found a way to remark how unfairly adorable Baekhyun was at the moment, rubbing the sleep out of his eye, the paw of his hand peeking from the oversized sleeve while standing there like a confused puppy. In his question lingered an unspoken request for you to stay longer, but at the moment all you really needed was some alone time to accept this new realization.

"I..." You had no idea what to say for yourself and you hoped he wouldn't dig too deep. "I have to go to work! Oh my God, I am actually very late- shit!" The words that left your trembling lips were completely random and made no sense as you started wearing your shoes and picked up your bag. Movements were extremely messy and rushed. Stupid! You cursed yourself, it was a freaking Sunday and there was no way Baekhyun was going to believe that. Despite the confused (and adorable) frown causing a tiny crease on his forehead, he didn't question it. It seemed like your hasty behavior had been enough to fool his groggy self.

"Will you come by next week?" Baekhyun then asked before you could curl your hand against the handle. Suddenly it felt like the lump in your throat had grown inches- and kept on expanding as another realization dawned on you.

He had told you just last night how he would be having another date next week since he had postponed the one from yesterday to focus more on his daughter. And you had, with a smile, agreed.

You would be going to his house, only for him to exit it, to meet another woman, and this fact that hadn't given you more than a little twinge in your chest yesterday was now devastating you.

Baekhyun was already entering another relationship- and although you had known that, until today, it had never meant anything to you. But now all of a sudden, you did bother because you knew that you so much wanted to be that girl he would be smiling at- and perhaps even kissing every day. Gosh, you wanted him all for yourself but wishing was so fucking useless at the moment. You had already thrown away your chance and Baekhyun already belonged to someone. And that someone was not you.

Nothing had been established and yet it still felt like your heart was breaking. Even so, why was it so damn painful? Why did it need to feel like someone was ripping it to shreds, clenching it with no mercy? Perhaps, because as beautiful as love could seem, be and feel, it was bound to hurt you just as much when gone wrong.

Be aware of butterflies, they had said, because they'll break your heart.

To pieces.

It had always sounded ridiculous to you, but there you were experiencing the exact thing. Your heart was crumbling, falling in the pit of your stomach as your teeth drew blood from your lips to stop them from trembling. All you could offer the man was a nod before escaping behind the door because the last thing you could trust at that point was your voice.

Although now outside, the fresh air did not help your suffocating lungs as you gasped out the sob that you had been holding in for the entire time in there. Tears blurred your view but you furiously dried them with your sleeve as you hurried over to your car. The fabric of your jacket rubbing against your eyes hurt more than what you had thought and you found yourself cursing under your breath, cursing everything you had done and everything that came into your view. It did not make you feel better at all. What were you supposed to do when everything you had was crumbling upon you?

A weight had laid itself upon your chest from the very moment you had opened that door of his, and you knew, that it was going to be with you for a while.

***

The week was rushing by and although you had done nothing but immerse yourself in your job to forget and concentrate on other things that weren't the pain in your chest and the desperate longing for his presence, you still felt as if nothing had changed. It still felt like that Sunday where you had left Baekhyun's property with tears in your eyes had yet to come to an end. Indeed, the week passed by and you followed your routine, but no matter where your body would go during the days, your mind wouldn't budge from that one morning where for a few moments, everything had been so perfect and ever so ethereal, only for it to be like a window busted by a rock.

You were frustrated with yourself because you couldn't wrap your head around it and let it go. It was all you wanted at the moment, to just accept things as they were and end this pain. But your heart was stubborn like you had never asked it to be. So loyal to that boxy and toothy smile of his. Friday was nearing and your heart could just race anxiously at the reminder of babysitting Sarang. You were nowhere ready to face him again, the part of you who was a coward secretly hoped that Baekhyun would be out by the time you'd arrive so that you could indulge solely in Sarang's warm smile. It'd be just helpful if you could forget his at some point, that would hurt a lot less, wouldn't it?

What hurt even more, was how you knew, that he was clueless about all of this pain he was causing you, and you couldn't put a single blame on him.

It had been you, after all.

***

Friday, a little over 6 pm. Perhaps you had come a bit late on purpose, but you wouldn't admit that to yourself as you stood in right before his front door and swung nervously on the balls of your feet. Conflicted between knocking or just entering casually as you normally would. If you knocked, it wasn't like the little Sarang would be tall enough to open the door, but what if Baekhyun would supposedly still be at home for whatever reason when you went in? That would feel even more awkward and-

Your hand twitched and before you knew it, you had already swung the door open, as if your body was fed up with your overthinking and took matters into its own hands. Quite literally. Well, no turning back now, you encouraged yourself and walked in while muttering a small I'm here. It was odd to not have a bubbly Sarang running with all her might to latch her arms around your legs and give you the happiest greeting. Instead, you were met with deafening silence, though you knew that you weren't alone in the house as it had been unlocked. The more you walked your way inside, the clearer the noise of glasses clinking against each other became. Rounding the corner, you were met with the last thing you had expected to see. A defeated Baekhyun arranging liquors and alcoholic drinks on the table, a few shot glasses stood unused by the bottles and you supposed that he hadn't even gotten started yet. You completely forgot about the worries that had been eating you up just a few seconds ago and walked over to him, grabbing his wrist before he could pour himself the string liquid you knew he couldn't handle.

"What are you doing?" You regretted how accusing your question had come out, but soon your cleared your throat and spoke again, "Why are you here at home, what about Sarang?" This time you spoke softly and allowed your gaze to lock with his confused one that within a matter of seconds filled with realization. A groan left his lips as he buried his face into his palms.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you, I dropped her at my mother's,  you actually didn't need to come." Baekhyun seemed incredibly apologetic and regretful as he explained himself, but you couldn't bring yourself to concentrate on those emotions when his droopy orbs were swirling with something far more sorrowful. His eyes were dark, and deep like oceans and anyone else wouldn't have been able to read him at this moment. But you had dived into those eyes of his so many times before, you knew better than to believe that those lines of lack of sleep tracing his features were merely because of his exhausting job. Worry crawled into you and you took a seat in front of him, hesitantly brushing your fingertips against his only to feel the urge to flinch because they weren't as warm as they'd usually be when holding onto you.

"Baekhyun, what's wrong?" The question on its own managed to crack the facade he often wore to not worry anyone around him and to make himself believe he was fine when in reality he was anything but that. His eyebrows bent in sorrow and his eyes turned ever so slightly glossy, making a lump grow in your throat.

"I messed up," He confessed under his breath, his whisper breaking in the middle of his sentence. Baekhyun's hands were frustrated as they gripped at his hair, pulling slightly as he puffed out a desperate breath. "It's over. " A small tear escaped his eye and he growled frustratedly, drying it harshly.  "As soon as she knew about Sarang she cut the ties. What am I going to do at this point?!" He was on the verge of shouting, "I am not good enough for anyone, I'm so fucking done." You could see his adam's apple bobbing, reasonably attempting to swallow down the sob threatening to spill from his lips because he didn't need another person to witness him being weak for the millionth time.  

No, please, don't ever say that. You wanted to tell him so bad, but you were such a coward, it was like your lips were sealed. When another tear traveled down his cheek, you finally found it in yourself to scramble out of your seat and sit next to him instead, taking his face into your trembling hands and shaking your head with disagreement.

"That is so not true, Baekhyun." You murmured brokenly. The fact that he would even for a second believe such a lie made you want to burst into tears. He was so beautiful, he was anything that someone could want in a person and more. It was so unfair that he didn't know. Baekhyun's expression was indecipherable even to you as he stared into your eyes with such seriousness, eventually tracing your features and you could feel his eyes dance all over your face.

Baekhyun cleared his throat after what seemed to have been five whole minutes, but really, had been a lot less. His hands gently pried yours from his cheeks and placed them back in your lap, eyeing the things he had set on the table before you had come. With a sigh, he uttered:

"Shall we have a couple of drinks?" The question was so out of the blue and yet managed to crack you up, and he smiled slightly too when he saw you doing it. You nodded.

Why not? He wasn't the only emotional one, and you had no idea what would be the outcome if the two of you got drunk together, but at the moment you couldn't care less. It finally felt as if that weight was slowly lifting itself from your chest, so all you could do was continue on this road you had ended upon.

***

Laughter and giggling were filling the once quiet walls of his home, Baekhhyun had just sputtered one of his stupid jokes that really, shouldn't have been as funny as it had seemed now that you were influenced by alcohol. Yet, you found yourself laughing intensely enough to have tears spring in your eyes. The man wore a proud grin on his face upon having you laugh so freely because of something he said. You weren't completely drunk just yet- but tipsy enough to have that warm hue crawl along your face, giving both of you a shy look, but that shy look secretly hid a sudden braveness that only came with the strong drink. One that made you feel the bravest you've ever been, at the same time as an enhanced version of yourself, possibly, a little out of yourself too. But it didn't matter anymore.

Your loud voices eventually died down and Baekhyun leaned his head onto the table when hit by a sudden wave of sleepiness and dizziness. His cheek squashed against its surface and in the process hid his eye as he faced you in his position. He looked at you and you gazed back, leaning onto your palm to take in his every detail, only to feel a sudden sense of unfairness surge within you, anger sparked in your chest as you picked up your beer bottled and swung it in the air while gesticulating.

"I don't understand!" Your loud voice made the sleepy male flinch back awake, he eyed you with big eyes and question marks popping above of his head. "You!" You pointed an accusatory finger in his direction and the confused male winced once again, not knowing what to expect from you, whether he'll feel offended or confused by the possible nonsense about to leave your mouth. But that wasn't really it.

"You're so beautiful." The statement was nothing like what he had expected you to say and the shock was evident on his flushed face. The more you looked at his pink cheeks, the more you wanted to squish his them together and press your lips to his plump ones that currently looked like your favorite lollipop flavor. "And I do not understand how three women in a row rejected all this good that you are! Like can't they see?!" You slurred and pointed at him once more. "

"Byun Baekhyun, if I was them, I would've already been your girlfriend, loving both you and Sarang. They are dumb. They are dumb, you hear me?!" Your voice was slightly high-pitched as you spoke, the words you were uttering were making your heart beat faster because you knew that you were basically confessing, but the sudden braveness was clouding your senses. All you could think about was that you wanted him to know.

"You are perfect- Byun Baekhyun," Your head dropped gently on the table right in front of his and the table felt cool on your cheek which made you feel more awake. Not enough to back away though. "Repeat after me," You ordered, without realizing the meaningful look that Baekhyun was manifesting in his starry eyes while following your every movement.

"I am perfect-" You felt yourself freeze when suddenly consciousness was knocked into you with the simple caress of Baekhyun's strawberry breath on your cheeks. Without a warning, he had scooted closer to you, his hand reached out for your own and thunders seemed to spark from his fingertips as they met yours, gently tracing your palm and intertwining your fingers with his beautiful ones. From a little more than tipsy to completely sober in the span of a few seconds, it was absolutely odd but even so, you couldn't find it in yourself to willingly move away. Because you didn't want to.

Butterflies fluttered in your belly- and the sensation brought you to fear, however,  Baekhyun's familiar scent fell on you like the warmest, most comforting blanket, and you soon forgot about anything that wasn't him. His face from this close was like the most precious treasure, you loved how you could count his lashes from this nearness, being able to see the texture of his skin or stare at your own reflection in his sparkling, adoring mirrors.

As much as those features of his were mesmerizing, nothing could even remotely come close to those pink lips of his that glistened under the dim kitchen lights has he darted a slow, and careful tongue across them, and the action made a foreign heat gather in your core. Unconsciously, your legs pressed together. You wanted them on yours so bad. His breath on your mouth was teasing and making you impatient. Teeth dug into your lip as you held back the urge to close the distance, Baekhyun was just taking his time studying yours as if he had to find the perfect way to kiss them with, eyes hooded with desire. A wave of disappointment washed over you when you felt his hand untangle from yours, but it didn't last long as he soon enough had already cupped your cheek with it. He wasted no time in bringing his thumb to your caged lips and released them from the hold of your teeth, letting them fall apart and vulnerable. They were pulsing eagerly, longing for his to devour them.

His thumb still held the fine edge of your lower lip as he inched closer, expanding it and feeling its soft texture with his pad. You watched his eyelids fall over his orbs as he gently licked the part of your lips that he was pulling and the gasp you let out at the sensation melted on his caressing tongue. His wet pillows stuck to yours like sticky glue as he finally pressed them against yours. A trembling sigh left your lips when you finally got what you wanted. He shifted from the table without parting your lips, keeping you engaged in the hungry kiss. You hadn't even noticed how he had dragged you up to your feet only so that he could press you against the nearest wall and press his scorching body against yours. Baekhyun's teeth dug softly into your lip before soothing it with a suck, later dragging his lips down your jaw, your neck, and painted your skin with his tickling kisses. The heat in your core could only grow as his hands traced every inch of your body, thumbs pushing the fabric of your shirt so that they could draw circles on your hips.

He panted against your collarbone at the pleasant feeling of your lips on his ear and your heart swelled when his arms hugged your waist instead of touching it sensually as he had done a few seconds ago. Without a warning, he kissed you square on the lips once again, but you complied joyfully. "Jump, please," He muffled against your swelling lips, and you did, lacing your legs around his torso. His hand traced the lower part of your thighs, coming to rest on your bum. Although your clothes were separating you, his touch still felt like it burned on your skin. It made you feel alive as it traveled underneath your shirt, spreading on your back. Taking its time to feel every pattern of your flesh, bones. Like you were the most beautiful canvas and his fingers' the brushed itching to paint it.

Everything that was happened felt slow, but at the same time like a blur. Your head was spinning around as you suddenly found yourself in his bedroom, shakily unbuttoning his shirt. Your fingers were trembling uncontrollably, barely pushing the buttons out of the hole. Warmth crept on your cheeks because you were taking so long, but you couldn't help the excitement buzzing so violently through your body. You thought Baekhyun had gotten enough of your incapability when he suddenly grabbed your hands, stopping you from continuing. But Baekhyun had always been full of surprises. Your heart squirmed affectionately when he brought your hands to his face. "It's okay," He had murmured ever so gently as he pressed feathery kisses on your fingertips, lips enveloping your digits.

"I- I'm sorry," You stuttered, completely out of yourself as you resumed unbuttoning, this time successful, "It just feels like I'm unwrapping a gift I've been waiting for my whole life." You admitted quietly, hesitantly placing your hands on his sturdy shoulders, slowly pushing down his shirt, stripping him of it. His body was warm and tense underneath your touch, muscles hard and strong.

A sweet chuckle resonated through the walls and you wished you could've replayed it a thousand times again. The sun had set hours ago, leaving the bright full moon to paint his features in its silver, glittering linings. He looked even more mesmerizing than this morning, he just never stopped growing beautiful.

Baekhyun found it impossible not to kiss your flushed cheeks at your nervous antics. Pressing his forehead against yours, he let your hands go, just so that he could trace his finger along your protruding collarbone, eventually hooking around your spaghetti strap. "Can I?" He asked carefully, and you thought he never would've. You nodded and he wasted no time, face nuzzling into the crook of your neck, he lifted the hem of your shirt. A kiss was pressed to your shoulders before he leaned away so that you could lift your arms, helping him.

"My beautiful," He breathed out at the view of your naked torso, eyes brimming with adoration and affection like you truly were the most wonderful person he had ever seen, "Beautiful darling."

You had no idea how a moment could be such a blur but at the same time feel like the while you've been more alive than ever. From when his hands had explored your naked body, bosom swelling in his tender palms, giving him the chance to feel your beating heart pulsating against his fingers. His lips whispering the sweetest nothing's into your ear as he made sure you knew that you were beautiful. The moment you had been able to do just the same with him, giving him sensations to remember and treasure. Sensations that only you and he could ignite from each other.  Becoming one important thing together, one wonderful thing.

One.

***

It was late in the morning, but you felt like you could sleep for another ten hours. You felt completely exhausted as you stirred awake, stretching your limbs ever so slightly, only to wince at the sore sensation taking place in the lower parts of your body. Of course, you remembered. Although you had been under the influence of alcohol, there would've never been a chance that you would forget such a moment. Hence, you were happy, so happy that you felt tingles crawling through your body, shooting stars flying down your spine. Your whole being was like a starry night as you woke up to Baekhyun eyeing you with those droopy eyelids hooding lazily over his orbs. His arm was hugging your bare waist and he was staying in the position that he had woken up in, that alone should've been to answer your every question, but still, you felt the need to hear it from him. Though, before you could even open your mouth, Baekhyun had already beat you to it.

"I have to apologize."

What? Your heart fell to the pit of your stomach and you felt how the anxiety was crawling at every edge it could grip.

"I, I apologize for making love to you when I wasn't sober- I"

Making love.

Not sex. Love.

"Baekhyun. I love you." It was like his voice had been sucked back into his throat as you interrupted him with the words.  "Do you regret what we did?" You continued, and Baekhyun looked taken aback, to say the least, but he recovered quickly and shook his head with a soft smile blossoming on his lips.

"As I was saying, " He chuckled, "It's hard for me to wrap my head around the way everything happened. But I don't regret a single thing I said, neither anything I did." What he was saying settled a blissful relief in your chest and your eyes couldn't find something to settle on his beautiful face. Whether to gaze into his endless oceans or watch his swollen lips speak, or maybe the tiny moles scattered all over his face.

"I've been feeling it for a while. That I was just fooling myself, and those women I went out with. Because as amazing as they were, I realized that there isn't anyone else I'd like to spend my days apart from you." Honey dripped from his lips, indeed his words were too sweet, but they were directed towards you, and that solely felt like you were stepping onto could nine.

"Nobody knows me like you do," He murmured as he pressed a palm to your flushed cheek, the pad of his thumb drawing lazy circles on it. "Nobody loves Sarang like you do,"

"How could there ever be someone else when you're here, loving everything I am including my flaws, probably knowing me better than I do myself." He chuckled with disbelief as if he couldn't believe that he had actually tried to chase other women when the only one for him had been next to him all along.

"And as I've realized that I...That I love you, I won't apologize that our first time wasn't when I was completely aware and sober." Baekhyun pleaded for forgiveness, shifting so that he could hover over you, the blanket slipped down his naked body, exposing him slightly. But the truth was that you weren't angry at all.

"And I hope you'll let me do it again, but this time I'll do it right." He dipped his head down to murmur against your lips.

"Will you let me?" His hand had caressed along the lines of your body, fingers gently prying the cover from your bodies. In his eyes shone so much love, so much desire to show it all to you, how much you meant to him.

"You don't have to ask," You replied sweetly, already welcoming the petals dancing in your tummy, loving the traces of warmth his hands left on you, how he took his time to explore every inch of you so that he could know you like no one else did. So that he could love you like no one else did.

"Daddy!!!" Sarang's high pitched giggle cut through the thick tension that had built up between the two of you, prompting Baekhyun to look down at you with a terrified expression taking over his face.

"Daddy I'm home! Let's play!"

"You should go," You teased while laughing at him, to which he gave you a playful glare, a bit disappointed to postpone things.

"Daadddyyyy! Are you hiding?" Sarang insisted from wherever she was wandering, and you couldn't help but think to yourself, that you were ready. Ready to indulge into this relationship, ready to take Sarang in your arms as if she was your family. You were ready to face it all.

A sudden affectionate swelling took place in your heart and you couldn't stop yourself when you grabbed Baekhyun's cheeks in your hands and pulled him down for a gentle, lingering kiss.

"You should go before she sees us like this." You ushered him to hurry and he nodded in agreement, stealing another set of eager kisses. "Will do, my love" He whispered in your ear teasingly before rolling over the other side and getting ready to greet his impatient daughter.

It felt like it was only you and me in the world.

I fell in love with your smile. After that, I just love everything about you.

I think of you every day,

Stupid in love.

Fin.

***

A/N

Phew! That was one long ride! I think this is the longest one shot I have ever written and it's currently almost 2am and all I want to do is post this quickly aaah >< I deeply apologize for all the mistakes you might find in here! I will do editing after posting.

I truly thank you all for sticking with me through this whole one shot! I am so thankful that you gave this your precious time and I hope it was worth the wait! I really invite you to express yourselves and tell me what you think of it. Comments and feedback are so motivating to me and I'd deeply appreciate it if you did.  As always, I send you all of my love and hugs, I love you all and please stay safe and clean your pretty hands! You are all precious, little flowers 💕🥰💖💌

P.S.

The ending was so damn hard to write and my brain Is fizzling right now haha, I hope it isn't as bad as it seems to me right now.  I might change it bit as well, just because I don't feel completely happy with it, but I really wanted to post this also.

Alright! That was all from me! Be kind to yourselves and spread love! Much love, P.💖💕

Tag list:

@bbyunz​ @soos-goddess​ @byunfirstlady​ @baekklove​ @christiandosworld​ @sunbyun21​ @milky-baek​ @changshapatrol​ @lalalala-lav​ 

[ryujin-zanba]

i realise given the notes that some of y'all are actually interested in reading what the newspaper articles say in this post so here they all are under the cut (please keep in mind that a lot of them contain personal headcanons and some hints at certain pairings which i will tag. it's okay if you disagree with/dislike the thoughts i have ab some characters' futures but if you find that's the case just keep it to yourself and dni please) ʕ•ᴥ•ʔง

[Poster which says: Vote for Froppy 🐸]

(Not so subtle Napoleon Dynamite reference from me)

 Hero Red Riot Saves the Day an Hour Before His Wedding!    As expected of our favourite man in red, but what did the groom have to say about this? (The groom is Bakugou and he was proud of Kiri ❤)

 Pro Weekly Deku takes title of Japan’s number one hero third year running! Following in the shadow of the longest reigning number one hero, newcomer Deku has a lot to live up to, but he is already breaking records and impressing critics with his heroism, and fans just can’t get enough of him.  In only his third year as a licensed pro, Deku has managed some incredible feats and is shaping up to give the former number one quite a run for his legacy. The retired pro recently shared in an interview that he could not be more proud of his junior and that he is cheering for our new number one the whole way.

 A New Ingenium Takes the Mantle But what can we expect of our dashing (pun intended) new pro? The youngest son of the Iida family is following in his brother’s footsteps as he officially takes on the name and the legacy of beloved hero Ingenium.

 Lemillion Saves One Million Golden hero Lemillion reclaims his position among the top five pros in only his first week back. After participating in the saving of a suspected one million lives involved in an international hostage crisis, Lemillion saw a 100% popularity increase in the polls and has been recognised by several world leaders for his incredible display of heroism. Lemillion has recently returned to hero work after taking a year off for paternity leave last Summer. A brief interview with the pro revealed that husband and baby are both doing well and their little one is already starting to show signs of developing a strong quirk.

(Mirio’s husband is Tamaki ❤)

 Former U.A Students Pay Tribute to Late Mentor Yagi Toshinori How the world is mourning a great hero and the people closest to him are upholding his legacy.

[Accompanying image of Toshi in his pinstripe suit, tired but smiling]

 Not All Heroes Wear Capes U.A high graduate goes on to make major advances in the field of restorative medical science.  Eri, formerly of U.A high school, is currently completing her doctorate at Tokyo University and is expecting to graduate this year with her first PHD. Her influence in the field, however, has already sparked plans for the implementation of several quirk-specialised branches in every major hospital across the country, a system speculated to be fully functioning as soon as next Spring. Having already successfully treated several prominent heroes throughout her blossoming career, we can expect many great things from Eri in the future and wish her all the best with her final exams.

 [Crude cat drawing next to the text 1-A]

(Reference to Aizawa’s cat drawing that he put on a banner for his class during the sports festival in Smash, which he then hid from them)

 [Magazine cover of Yaoyorozu with the top text ‘Women in Business’ and the bottom text ‘Creati’]

 Shouto-Out Former pro hero Shouto retires at age twenty five in order to pursue a career in nursing. After the new data that came to light last month showed an incline in children born to forced quirk marriages, the ex-pro expressed his interest in becoming involved with caring for and counselling the startling number of those taken into care every year as a result. His partner had this to say, “Shouto has had a lot of difficulty finding a path in life that he believes he truly chose for himself, but I think this is his way of being the hero he wants to be and he has my full support.”

(If you guessed Midoriya as Todoroki’s partner being quoted in this, you guessed right!)

 Hero affectionately dubbed ‘Pikachu’ by residents of local children’s hospital

(Kaminari, of course ⚡)

 Present Jack Pro hero and musical talent Earphone Jack has officially joined the Put Your Hands Up Radio team. Rumours that she is set to succeed Japan’s favourite radio personality have already started circulating, but we’re pretty sure the nation’s sweetheart, Present Mic, has got many years yet before we’ll see him retire.

 [Magazine cover featuring Midoriya with the top text ‘Deku’]

 Uravity Saves US Space Shuttle First person in history to be awarded a knighthood by NASA and her achievements haven’t stopped there. The hero known as Uravity is a staunch advocate for the proposed universal income scheme and her support for the bill has garnered such enthusiasm from fans that it is likely to pass in court this February.

(In the image I accidentally called her Uraravity instead of Uravity, sorry girl!)

 He’s Still Got It! Present Mic wins lifetime achievement award for Put Your Hands Up Radio, the show he has been proudly presenting since his debut as a hero. Maintaining a huge following and unwavering popularity, his nighttime slot every Friday from 1am to 5am has also earned him a place in the hall of fame for highest number of consecutive awards in radio hosting history, congrats man!

(Mic might not be one of Aizawa’s students, but he is just as proud of his husband’s achievements ❤)

 Tsukuyomi Gets His Wings Tsukuyomi and his quirk, Dark Shadow, have officially taken over at Hawks’ agency after the young hero retired from the field to pour everything into his successor. As it stands, Hawks will continue on to support Tsukuyomi and we wish them both the best with any future plans from here on.

(Possible spoiler for latest manga chapters... but I think the bird man might be taking a leaf from All Might’s book and finding someone to carry on his legacy 😅)

 Kacchan’s Kitchen Newly opened in the most up and coming area of the city, the restaurant will join several others on the renewed marina-front, though its owner and head chef are what really set the place apart. Already it has received great reviews from critics. 

(Personal HC alert! Bakugou decides the hero life isn’t what he wants anymore and invests in his culinary skills instead, making Kiri a very well-fed man lol)

 Dance ‘Til You’re Pink! Pro hero Pinky opens a second dance studio that offers new prospects for passionate kids who are unable to attend paid classes. Children from low-income families are invited to choose from a variety of options when it comes to which discipline they wish to pursue and all equipment, performance outfits and other costs are covered by the studio.

 The Modern Batman Or should we say Catman? Illusive hero known only by his mind-control ability is spotted petting a local cat during his evening patrol.

[Accompanying image of Shinsou petting a black cat and looking almost identical to Aizawa in his attire]

[seanhowe]

The Dave Pike Set, Live at the Philharmonie

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6076lt

Liner Notes by Heinz Werner Wunderlich; translated by Sylvia Wunderlich 

This is the third record of the Dave Pike Set that has been made within a year, not counting the contribution to the live-recording “MPS-Jazz-Concert ‘69”. I would have to think hard to find a European group with similar success. But why waste time pondering — let us join these four in enjoying their triumph and listen to what they present here in this their third record of swinging surprises. 

When you listen to “Live at the Philharmonie”, the discussion about the Berlin Jazz Days '69 has probably not yet ended. It was — and still is — a tough one, and we don’t want to get into it. There is only one thing that I would like to point out, because it may be of some importance, in that this is a live recording from that festival: actually the discussion seems to be about the audience. Can an admirer of free jazz or a fan of progressive pop be expected to listen to at least half of a concert of straight jazz? Or can one — take the reverse — expect that the ardent listener of traditional jazz or swing be all ears to rock 'n’ roll? Can one try to introduce those in either bag to music, that they regard as jazz of their grandfathers (or their sons)? And can one hope, that they tolerate this supposedly uninteresting something for at least an hour, and not spoil with booing the joy of listening for those for whom it is not at all uninteresting? For what else sparked the discussion if not the “boos”? 

Stop! — we didn’t want to get involved in this because, if there was a group at the Berlin Jazz Days '89 that was omitted from this battle of the spoken and written words, it was the Dave Pike Set. 

“Well, they play music for every taste” is what you hear and one is horrified at the insult contained in this “compliment.” Actually it is just an unfortunate formulation. If one says: "The music of this quartet can be enjoyed by everyone because it swings, because it is progressive, but still based on tradition,” then this sounds not much more elegant, but it is to the point. Instead of the familiar statement, “an excellent mixture of jazz and pop”, the words that John O'Brien-Docker used when he introduced the Set in Berlin hit home: “an interesting combination of experience and discovery”. This is exactly what it is, and those who have ears to hear, let them put this record on and absorb the musical trip into the past and the future, let alone the present. A group with the quality, substance and concrete concepts of the Set can allow itself to integrate in good conscience into its music any and all elements that it and — as its success shows — it’s audience think fit together: free and “normal” jazz, progressive rock, oriental sounds and a lot more. So, the Dave Pike Set is a group that the conservative as well as the progressive fans can really appreciate. Isn’t that something? 

One expects to find general information about the musicians on a record cover. But I want to pass over this chapter. Those who own the two previous records are well enough informed, and those who begin their Pike collection with this album will, without a doubt, try to get the first two as soon as possible (Noisy Silence — Gentle Noise, MPS 15215 and Four Reasons, MPS 15253). 

There was lots to do this past year of 1969. The MPS tour, the festivals in Alba Regia, Hungary; Ljubljana, Yugoslavia; Montreux, Switzerland; Prague, Czechoslovakia and Berlin. Polish fans waited in vain though, as the plane could not land in Warsaw due to fog. Then there was the Holy Hill Jazz Meeting in Heidelberg; the radio exhibition in Stuttgart and a tremen-dous number of concerts and club performan-ces from Aarau to Villingen. The four could be seen on TV too, for instance in the Jazz-workshop of the North German Radio Network and in the Dusty Springfield Show. No wonder, that with this success, the fame of the Set even spread to the United States. In Down Beat’s 17th International Jazz Critics Poll one can find the Dave Pike Set in fourth place among the combos, which according to the tough judges deserve a wider recognition. This actually was real fast, because the group was founded just short of a year before the results of this poll were published. 

On this record you can hear what actually happened on stage of the Berlin Philharmonic, the evening of November 7th, 1989. And you hear it clearly and obviously, that a detailed comment on each number is superfluous. 

Nevertheless, a few remarks: 

Hey Duke presents the Set’s contribution to the Ellington-Homage which was the overall theme of this festival. It is a combination of three single compositions, one by Dave and two by Volker. Choruses by Dave and Hans frame fascinating, free collective improvisations. 

Mambo Jack The Scoffer features Volker on the unamplified guitar. An extremely cheerful and catchy, novelly constructed tune with a country & western touch, that could easily become a hit. Solos by Volker and Dave, who was inspired to compose this number by thinking of Mambo Jack, a funny dance teacher near New York. 

Riff For Rent is a typical, swinging Kriegel composition, a blues in eighths. Volker and Dave solo against the background that has become a trade mark of Hans and Peter, one of the best European rhythm groups. 

Nobody’s Afraid Of Howard Monster is a real vexatious thing. That’s why the four simply called it “Monster”, before it got it’s final and defiant title. A short introduction by Hans and Peter, then the theme, in which the rhythm changes from bar to bar, beginning with 4/4, moving to 5/4, 6/4, 7/4, 6/4, 5/4 and to 2/4. Dave’s chorus is in 4/4, Volker’s in 7/4. After Peter’s solo Hans shows his talent on the cello with a blues that changes from an eleven to a twelve bar structure. Another drum solo (Hans makes a fast switch back to the bass-guitar), and then the theme again as in the beginning. 

In The Secret Mystery Of Hensh Volker tries to create a strange but peaceful atmosphere through a “touch of India”. The theme here is modal, that means based on one tone, and consists of only two motifs. Choruses by Dave and Volker, then a sudden accelerando changes the ballad-like beauty into a free, collective chaos, in which Hans presents brillant flageolett passages. The inspiration for this piece was Dave’s weird, but apparently good natured dog, Hensh. 

These are just a few of the things you’ll hear. There are many more, and I bet you’ll dig “Live at the Philharmonie” as I do. 

Dave Pike, Vibraphone

Volker Kriegel, Guitar

J. A. Rettenbacher, Bass, Cello, E-Bass 

Peter Baumeister, Drums

[hiddendreamer67]

The Sanders Games- Part 2 (Welcome to the Capitol)

(Find a link to previous parts in my reblog. Also, it looks like according to the poll updates to this story will be posted on Fridays!)

Summary: In the 75th Hunger Games, only one male* tribute is chosen from each of the twelve districts. Watch as they survive the opening ceremonies and head to the first day of training.

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Deceit idly flicked through the channels on the screen, watching the recordings of the other reapings throughout the nation. He wanted to get a read on his opponents, scope out the competition before meeting them in person.

“Oh, good lord.” Deceit groaned, stopping to watch the reaping of District 1 where the princely figure flaunted in front of the crowd. “Did he really just declare himself the victor? What an arrogant capital lapdog.” Clearly just another poser from the luxury district who cared more about how his weapon made him look than how to hold it properly.

The career from District 2 was not much better. A tall, muscular fellow that was the epitome of brawn over brains. Deceit merely rolled his eyes, unimpressed as the tribute tried to intimidate the audience. Could this tribute tear Deceit apart with his bare hands? Oh, absolutely. But Deceit would never let him get the chance.

The non-career districts were hardly worth watching. Most of them appeared as nothing more than little lambs, ripe for the slaughter. District 8, the youngest, was sure to gain sympathy votes, but would be picked off soon enough. District 7 had some muscle on his bones, but no more than District 2. The tribute from the coal mines honestly looked like some sort of feral rat, more equivalent to vermin than a worthy opponent.

No, the only one who truly caught Deceit’s attention was the boy from district 3. Logan Ward, the glasses-clad fellow who had volunteered. Why had he volunteered? Was it to spare a friend’s life? But no, Logan hardly acknowledged the original individual who was chosen as he walked up onto the steps.

Deceit rewound the tape, watching again to analyze his every move. At first glance Logan appeared not to be out of the ordinary, but something about him gave Deceit pause. Underestimating an opponent was the deadliest mistake in the games, and the gleam in Logan’s eye made Deceit wonder if his victory would not be as easily won as he thought. This was going to be more than just a battle royale; this was chess, and Deceit had never lost a match.

“We’re nearing the capital.” His male mentor informed him, glancing out the window. The female mentor from District 4 was there as well, looking quite irate at the lack of female tributes. Still, both mentors seemed competent enough, in their own way. Deceit found himself wondering which underhanded strategy they had used to gain their titles of victor. After all, no one came out of the games with a clean conscious. Thankfully Deceit wasn’t going into the games with one, either.

“You’ll need to establish your rank quickly.” The female mentor spoke up. “The career pack is vital, but district four is often underestimated. If you falter, you’ll quickly be tossed aside.”

Every year the career districts were known to form a pack, and use their superior skill sets to wipe out the competition before inevitably turning on each other. Deceit intended to keep to this tradition, as he had no problems stabbing a career in the back when it came down to the final days. In fact, Deceit reveled in the idea, knowing it would make good coverage in the eyes of a gamekeeper.

“I can handle myself.” Deceit assured her, sitting up straight. Deceit had learned quickly that, lacking muscle of his own, manipulation was his key to success. It would only be a matter of hours before Deceit had every tribute wrapped around his little finger.

He gazed out the window, watching the gleaming city coming rapidly into view. The glittering skyscrapers were probably meant to bestow a feeling of awe and nationalism, but Deceit merely found the architecture distasteful.

“First we’ll be heading to meet your stylist.” The male mentor glanced at the itinerary. “You’ll need to be prepped for the opening ceremonies.”

Deceit nearly groaned at the reminder, having almost forgotten all the pageantry associated with being a tribute. The ceremonies, the training, the interviews… all of it was so bland. Deceit knew how to weasel his way through a conversation, but the trivial minds of the Capital merely bored him. No matter, Deceit would just have to grin and bear whatever ridiculous contraption his stylist found fitting for his district. The games would be here soon enough.

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“Oooh, yes, you’ll do nicely.” The stylist circled Magenta, looking over his various features. “You’ve got a young face, but decent bone structure. You might even stand a chance.”

Magenta stood perfectly still, his eyes following the stylist. He felt as though he was being encircled by sharks. What sort of getup would they throw him in before waltzing him around onstage? District 8 was famous for having ridiculous outfits, a nod to the textile industry. Magenta had seen older tributes look more like a pile of quilts than a stone blooded killer.

“Now now, don’t look so timid!” The stylist laughed, putting his hand beneath Magenta’s chin so the twelve-year-old was forced to meet his gaze. “I’ve spent plenty of time in the capitol, I know what makes those crowds go nuts. We’re going to doll you up, make you look fabulous.”

“You’re going to make me into a prop.” Magenta corrected.

“It’s better to be a prop than a corpse.” The stylist reminded him, causing him to shudder. “I’m here to help you, kid. Sponsorships make the victor. You need to stand out in the crowd or none of the viewers will care about you.”

“And how do I do that?” Magenta asked, rubbing at his chin as it was finally released. “Act small and meek? Try not to look like prey?”

“Please, that’s been there, done that.” The stylist scoffed. “Booooo-ring. No, you need a name for yourself, a brand if you will. It’s right there in your name: Magenta. We’ll capitalize on it. From now on, everything from the tips of your shoes to the tips of your hair will be in that magnificent hue.”

“…great.” Magenta winced. He was going to die as a crayon.

It ended up looking just as ridiculous as he thought. While the stylists cooed over him in the mirror, Magenta could only grimace. He didn’t recognize himself at all. They had put some sort of Botox in his cheeks to make them more visible, and now Magenta hesitantly touched at it, trying to find something familiar in his reflection.

The other tributes seemed to find his new regalia just as humorous, all pointing and snickering behind his back. Some even gave him looks of pity. Of course, as soon as his chariot rounded the gates, he soon realized his stylist might have been right. The crowd went wild, all screaming with glee at his new hair color.

“He’s so cute!” “Look at his hair!” “HA- Magenta, that’s marvelous!”

Magenta grinned, basking in the glory. He put his hands to his mouth, blowing kisses at the ones who made the comments. The women nearly fainted, fanning their faces. It seemed out here Magenta was not out of place, as several of the citizens liked to embellish themselves in ridiculous hues. They got a kick out of Magenta’s outfit, seeing it as a nod to their rainbow culture.

“Ooooh, looks like someone’s a crowd favorite!” The announcer’s voice echoed through the bleachers.

Magenta stood taller, giving a dazzling smile. Perhaps he stood a chance in these games after all, if so many people were cheering his name. He could feel several of the more handsome tributes glaring daggers into his back, but Magenta knew that his focus had to be on entertaining his newfound fans.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Patton walked into the first day of training, taking a deep breath. It felt a bit like the first day of school, but with more murderous intent. He tried to smile and wave at the other tributes, but many of them either scowled or cowered.

Okay...so much for killing them with kindness.

Patton liked to believe everyone was a good person. When he looked out on the wave of faces, he didn’t see murderers; he just saw a bunch of scared little kids, just like him. Even the careers had to have mercy somewhere in their hearts, even if it was deeply, deeply buried.

It really wasn’t any of the tributes fault, though. Whatever happened in the games, Patton couldn’t blame someone for just doing what it took to try to get home. He knew if he died and came back as a ghost he wouldn’t haunt them, either.

But Patton, unlike many of the poorer district tributes, hadn’t accepted the fact that he was going to die yet. He didn’t want to think about that possibility, of one of these kids skewering him like a kabob. Patton wanted to survive, but he also didn’t want to kill anybody, so his only hope was surviving until his peers died of natural causes, which wasn’t a very nice thing to hope for at all so Patton tried not to think about that either.

Instead, Patton thought about knots. He focused at his station, tying knot after knot and feeling his stomach twisting in much the same way. The loneliness was really the worst part. With a friend, maybe this would be bearable.

“Other way.”

“Huh?” Patton looked up, having heard the kid next to him speak. The kid shrunk back a bit but pointed at Patton’s rope.

“You’re twisting it the wrong way.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” Patton gave him a large grin, fixing his rope.

The boy blushed. “Yeah, no problem.”

“What’s your name? My name’s Patton.” Patton set down his rope, sticking out his hand.

“I’m Emile.” Emile shook it tentatively. “You’re the boy from eleven, right?”

“Yup! And you’re ten?” Patton guessed, getting a nod in response. “Hey, that’s awesome! We’re like the food district twins.”

“I mean, I guess so.” Emile shrugged.

“Do you like food?” Patton asked earnestly.

Emile gave him a strange look. “...yes?”

“That’s great!” Patton cheered. “I love food! We have so much in common.” Emile chuckled at his silly enthusiasm, and Patton knew his strategy was working. “Say, if we both love food so much, maybe we should eat lunch together. What do ya say?”

“...works for me.” Emile agreed. Internally, Patton was throwing a party, pleased to have made his first Ally. With any luck, Emile would be far from the last.

Taglist: @revalisidepiece, @why-should-i-tell-youu2,

[theprocrastinatingalien]

Battle of Star Trek - Batch#1 Heats (featuring Captain Archer, Odo, Commander Chakotay & Commander T'Pol)

Back in 2017 I ran a series of polls, in a giant 'Battle of Superheroes' to discover your favourite comic book character.  The answer was The Flash, btw.   I quickly followed it up with a 'Battle of the MCU' to discover your favourite movie from the MCU... with CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER topping the poll.  Mind you, we've had two more films out since then, and once INFINITY WAR hits cinemas who knows how that will ring true.

But now, here in 2018, it's time to start a new battle.  This last week saw the last episode of STAR TREK: DISCOVERY's first season... I think it's entirely appropriate to do a 'Battle of Star Trek', don't you?

Behold... 128 characters, spanning all things STAR TREK (yep, we've got characters major and minor from THE ORIGINAL SERIES, THE ANIMATED SERIES, THE NEXT GENERATION, DEEP SPACE NINE, VOYAGER, ENTERPRISE, DISCOVERY and all thirteen films).

Of course, as with the superhero polls, we've split it down into bite-size chunks.  We'll tackle it all over 8 different batches, 16 characters per batch - and here, my friends, are the characters in BATCH#1...

ISHKA

Yep, our first character is one of the many Ferengi from DS9, but Ishka (if you don't recognise the name) is Rom's 'Moogie' (i.e. she's Rom, and Quark's, business-aware mother).  Ishka was originally played by Andrea Martin before Cecily Adams took over the role.

DUKAT

Gul Dukat is probably one of the best villains in Trek.  The Cardassian was expertly played by Marc Alaimo, a great actor - and it has to be said his scenes with Nana Visitor (Kira) were always electric.  The character also received quite a story arc, from the first season right through to the last episode of DS9.

SAAVIK

Here we have our first movie-only character!  Kirstie Alley (famed from her role in CHEERS), debuted as the hot new Vulcan on the scene in STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN, but didn't return for the two sequels where Robin Curtis took over... and, weirdly, got to mate with a teen Spock.  As you do.

VEDEK BAREIL

Philip Anglim played the spiritual Bajoran who tamed the fierce Kira, as her first love interest on DS9.  He got killed off though, so never got to be Kai. Shame.  Maybe.

MAXWELL FORREST

Actor Vaughn Armstrong has played an awful lot of different characters in Trek, but Admiral Forrest, a supporting character in ENTERPRISE, his is best known one.  Fun fact - the character is called 'Forrest' in honour of DeForest Kelley.

ODO

Watch out, another DS9 character, but Odo is, at least, our first regular character.  The Shape shifter, or Changeling, or Founder - played by Rene Auberjonois - was the chief of security on the space station, both under the Cardassian rule and under Starfleet. He was certainly an interesting character, and his love for Kira an important relationship.

JONATHAN ARCHER

Look, our first lead!  Jonathan Archer is the first captain of the Enterprise... a century before Kirk.  That was what enticed actor Scott Bakula into the role.  He was already known to sci-fi fans for his long running role as Sam in QUANTUM LEAP.

NERO

Our one and only Romulan character featured in the 128 strong poll, he's also our first character from the JJ Abrams' films.  He went back in time and blew up Vulcan.  Bastard.  HULK actor Eric Bana plays him.

CHRISTINE CHAPEL

Majel Barrett (creator Gene Roddenberry's wife) originally played 'Number One' in the pilot episode, but when the character was dropped, Barrett instead took the role of Nurse Chapel.   She later became a full on doctor in the movies.

LWAXANA TROI

Another role for Majel Barrett, this time originating in THE NEXT GENERATION, as main character Deanna Troi's telepathic mother.  The Betazoid character returned in DS9, where she took a shine to Odo.

M'RESS

Ooh, look, it's our third (and final) character played by Majel Barrett to be listed.  This one is from THE ANIMATED SERIES though, a Caitian (feline) communications officer. Sadly we never got a live action version.  Maybe one day.

CHAKOTAY

Robert Beltran played Commander Chakotay, our first VOYAGER character on the list.  Chakotay was originally the leader of the Maquis, but when the two crews found themselves in the Delta Quadrant, he formed a pact with Janeway and became her first officer.

PHLOX

Our first character from ENTERPRISE, Phlox is the alien (Denobulan) medical officer with a big (and we mean BIG) grin.

DAMAR

Another character from DS9, and our second Cardassian!  Damar, played by Casey Biggs, worked under Gul Dukat, but eventually took over, leading the Cardassians in their alliance with the Dominion. Later he became the leader of the resistance against the Gamma Quadrant warmongers.

T'POL

Jolene Blalock played the Vulcan, tasked with 'spying' on the humans in ENTERPRISE.  She built up a strong friendship with Captain Archer, however, and even a romantic one with Chief Engineer Tucker.

ALEXANDER ROZHENKO

It's our first Klingon!  It's Worf's only son, Alexander!  His mother, K'Ehleyr was killed and Alexander found himself with his Dad, and 'godmother' Deanna Troi.  The character was mostly played by Brian Bonsall on TNG, before Marc Worden took over in DS9 when the character tried to carve his way as a Klingon warrior. 

So, there you are, those are your starting 16.  You guys now have to head over to twitter to place your votes on who your favourites are.  They're all paired off, and we'll see them through heats, quarter-finals, semi-finals and a final.

So find procrastinalien on twitter, and get voting!  You've got three days!

[wonderlandinrope]

Not All Monsters Part 7

Sam x Reader

Warning: none really

Summary: Aris and the brothers reunite.

Auther notes: So sorry it has taken forever to get this out. I hope you guys enjoy it. Feedback is always nice. <3

Stepping further off the path more blood pooled near the roots of the small turned up a tree. It was fresh no more than two maybe three hours old. Hoping desperately that it was an animal attack, not wanting to admit his subconscious was right. Off in the distance, Sam’s name was being called. Aris beckoning him, happier than he had ever seen her. There was no way he could drag her back into that world. Pull her down back into the darkness. Reuniting with the small group Aris was eager to introduce everyone. But before she could Sam turned to Dean.

“I dropped my knife back just off the trail. Was wondering if you could go take a look for me?” Sam suggested.

“It’s your knife, you go look for it,” Dean stated, winking at one of the girls that had tagged along with Aris.

Jutting his head in the direction of the uprooted tree. “You should go  look Dean, in case I missed it.” His voice stressed an urgency that only the brothers would know.

Turning to his brother the look in his eye was one he had seen too many times before. A sharp nod of his head Dean backtracked to the spot that he had been directed in. A shimmer of a metal pointing at an upturned tree, a dejected sigh escaped his lips as the pool of blood caught his attention. Walking a little further off the trail he found what could only be a human finger.  Standing he looks around for any other signs that there may be something out there.

Taking her place next to Sam who now seemed on edge, Aris took his arm without a second thought. His thick arms tense, there was a flash of apprehension then it was gone. It was a micro-expression, an unconscious physical response to an emotion. Chances were Sam wasn’t even aware that he had unwittingly given Aris more information than was intended. He smiled down showing his dimples.

“Is something wrong?” There was a hint of suspicion in her voice.

“No. Of course not, just haven’t had a day off in while.” Reassuring her, Sam placed his hand on hers.

She had missed him more than she wanted to admit, feeling a flash of heat in her cheeks. Nodding she thought maybe she was just reading into the stress he was carrying. He had been hunting all his life, after all, there were bound to be moments that an unpleasant memories came to him. Trusting that he was, in fact, being honest Aris pushed the image away, determined that their reunion would be a pleasant experience. Looking back to where Dean had run off too she wondered what was taking him so long.

“How long have you been traveling with the group?” Sam calling her attention back to him.

“About a month or so. Ran into them while hiking through the 100-Miles of Maine. I was alone they offered to let me tag along.” Aris explained nonchalantly. “It was just supposed to be until we got through the one trail. But Gorge over there insisted that I join them for the time being. To be completely truthful it was nice to have some company.”

Sam eyed Gorge closely as the man chatted with a thin tall brunette. He was only a few inches short than himself, with a muscular frame, tan with short cropped hair, a thin face a straight draw. His shoulder had a tattoo of a Celtic knot on it. Sizing up the other man as if they were competing for Aris attention, Jealousy reared its ugly head again. The logical side of him knew that he shouldn’t even be entertaining the thought of seeing Aris past today. Though if his instincts panned out to be accurate then there was no way he would be letting her out of his sights. At least not until the ganked whatever was out there.

Catching a glimpse of him,  Aris knew that she had said something without meaning to, causing Sam’s jaw clenched, eyes narrowed. Oddly enough seeing him this way reminded her of why she missed him so much. He filled her with a sense of security she didn’t feel anywhere else. As if no matter what happened she knew everything would be ok. Her heart began to flutter, bringing a giddiness. Leaning her head on Sam’s bicep she breathed in his familiar scent.

The feeling of her body against his reminded him all too much of the last time they had seen each other. “I’ve missed you.” He whispered into her hair.

“Next time we shouldn’t wait so long to catch up.” Her honeyed voice had a hint of flirtation.

Wanting to reciprocate but unable to as Dean reappeared hitting him on the shoulder, then handing him the knife that had been left behind. “Found your knife. Hey Aris.”

George and the two girls looked back at the brothers. George, in particular, took an extra second to take in the image of Sam and Aris interlocked. Puffing out his chest, he cleared his throat. Feeling put on the spot Aris stood up knowing that it was her turn to speak, letting go of Sam she picked up her bag before addressing the group.

“Hey guys, this is Sam and Dean. Dean and Sam, this is Chloe, Jill, and George.”

Pointing to each as they began to walk. Chloe was the tall brunette, she was thin like bean poll, pale with freckles and a confidence that echoed in her smile. Jill had soft features, her body curved like a river, with bright eyes filled with a genuine curiosity. They were all seasoned hikers, who knew what they were doing. Had a year of experience traveling through almost every terrain imaginable.  Aris was the newcomer to the group, but they treated her like family. Forming a quick bond, it was easy to why she had stuck with the group.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” George's orotund voice taking charge. “Let’s get this freak show on the road.”

Aris ran ahead of the boys to catch up with Jill. They were the ones that had planned the hike. The route that they had mapped out was a big loop, however, they knew through an acquaintance that there was a pristine climbing area just off the trail. It was just a matter of agreeing when to go off the trail that they still needed to work out. Hoping that they would hit the cliffs in a few hours Aris thought that she knew the perfect spot near a river they could follow.

In a hushed voice, Dean addressed the issue at hand. “Did you see the finger?”

“No just the blood.” With an edge to his voice, this was the last thing he wanted. But was equally anxious and relieved. Anxious at the thought that a monster could be out ready to attack. Yet relieved that he insisted on accompanying Aris. “There have been no reports of anyone going missing.”

“Someone out there is probably missing more than a finger based on the amount of blood.” Dean scoffed. “We’ll come back later tonight. I’m regretting not packing the flamethrower this time.”

“I’m feeling a little naked myself.” Sam patting the only gun he brought. Other than the knife they didn’t have much else on them.

Looking back Aris could see the brothers gossiping amongst themselves it seemed innocent enough, but micro expression wouldn't leave her alone. She gave Sam a quick wave and a smile he winked in return. Even if there was something more going on she didn't feel the need to weigh in on it., Aris thought it best not to poke a sleeping bear. Noticing a look of amusement jill was shooting at her Aris couldn't help but roll her eyes at the women.

“Shut up.” Aris playfully pushed Jill's shoulder.

“What? I didn't say anything.” She blinks as she spoke slowly sounding as innocent as possible. Then with a devilish smile adding “but I was thinking it.”

Pulling the bag tighter at the straps Jill's pace hastened with ease. She was a born outdoors woman could walk forever and never tire. Trudging ahead she fell in line with Chloe who was already munching on a pack of beef jerky. Passing the bag back to Aris she went to catch only to have the bag stolen mid-grab by George. Holding it out of the reach of the shorter women he snickered as she attempted to jump for it.

“Show me what you go short stuff.” He was making a show of the familiarity that Aris and he shared. Jumping and sprinting after him Aris could help but laugh as she reaches for the bag. “Don't hold back girl. I know you can do better than that.”

Observing the carefree, blissful, enthusiasm before him it was easy for Sam to see why she was doing so well. Having people that cared, made her laugh, challenged her, it was what she needed. Even if it did hurt to know that he couldn't remain a part of it. Refusing to drag her into the chaos that they lived in. No the best thing that he could do for her was staying as far away as possible.

Jill and Chloe cheered Aris on as she made one last attempt to take back the jerky. Nearly tackling George to the ground she snatches the bag holding it victoriously in the air. The group erupted in applause standing she took a bowe. Dean whistled. Jogging back to the boys she shared her prize. George waited patiently just ahead for them to catch up.

As the day became hot with the midday sun they finally made it to the cliffs, towering over them the sheer face was much larger than they had thought. Rocks stuck out at jagged edges, divots in the massive wall turned to cracks. Leading up the jagged wall there were already a few cams to attach the rope to the ledge. Taking a seat at the bottom, George and Jill began to unravel their ropes while Aris and Chloe began to pull out their shoes, pulling on their harnesses. Sam looked up his eyes following the top then down toward what could be a few caves. He pointed them out to Dean.

“Either of you have any experience Rock climbing?” George inquired.

“Not exactly,” Sam stated. “But I’m always willing to learn.”

“I think I’m going to check out the cliff. You have fun, Sammy.” Dean patted his brother on the back then took off.

Hiking up the harness around her waist causing the shorts she wore cling to her. Noticing the way Sam lingered watching as she then began to pull on her shoes. George turned to see what Sam was looking at, only to maneuver himself between the two gripping the rope in hand.

“She’s something else isn’t she,” George stated abruptly.

Running his hand through his hair Sam half smiled. “Couldn’t argue there.”

George took the ropes in his hands checking them for loose or damaged strands. “I couldn’t help but notice how close you two seemed back there. In the car, she told me you helped her out of a bad situation.”

Sam put his hand on his hips, unsure of how to read the situation. While George seemed friendly enough, the way he interacted with Aris or kept Made his way between the two old friends gave the impression that he may be hiding something. Choosing to give the man the benefit of the doubt, Sam put his best foot forward.

“Well yes, she was in a rough spot. I was in place that I could help her out. Just did what any other person would do.” Using a blanket statement to answering the question Sam didn't want to give away anything that Aris may not have said.

“No not anyone would have. Most people usually just go about minding their own.” George praised. “You are a good man Sam, so I’m going to ask you a favor here. Aris is my friend, and I care about her a lot so don’t break her heart ok?”

Mildly confused Sam nodded his head. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good. Now let's get you harnessed up, You're going to learn how to be anchor today.” Smiling a little more friendly this time, they both made their way over the bottom of the cliff to start the ascent.

Making his way thru the woods following along the bottom of the cliff Dean kept a hand at the ready.  Large boulders, fallen trees, created an obstacle course where the trail had ended. A few small caves were placed along the wall, none of which were large enough for anything to fit into. The wall was wet with condensation where the air moved freely in and out of the tunnel system, letting on that there was likely to be a bigger opening.

A few birds dove down trying to chance Dean from their nests. Swatting them away he cursed under his breath. Tripping backward over a rotten log, he landed in a bush. Thorns grabbing at his clothes, tearing at his skin. Struggling he rolled to the edge falling between the bush and the cave wall. Using one hand to push him off the ground a gust of cool air hit his face, it carried the smell of rotten meat. Just before he was a tight opening, taking out his phone he used it as a flashlight, just beyond the opening was a large cavern. Hanging against the wall only a few yards from the opening was a body half eaten.

“Son of Bitch.” Scrambling back it became urgent for him to get back to Sammy, and Aris. The ropes that tied the victim's hands told him this was no animal kill.

[junker-town]

The 25 biggest game-day bangers of the decade, ranked

We asked 27 arena and stadium DJs around the country which songs defined the decade.

When you reflect on your favorite sports moments of the decade, your first thought probably isn’t about what song was playing when they happened. After all, “jock jams” (which are a specific ESPN-branded thing, and thus not a wholly effective universal term) are corny and dated, right?

Obviously the answer to that question is subjective, but there are plenty of DJs working overtime to try to get you pumped AND jacked — whether you’re a fan or an athlete yourself. SB Nation polled 27 of them from universities and clubs around the country to try to get a sense of which tracks released from 2010-19 were making the biggest impact in arenas and stadiums. Not the best songs, mind you, but the ones they played the most often.

Some of them were unimpressed by the options. “We have played all these songs a lot of times in the past, but we rarely play any of these in ATL now (they’re all old),” wrote legendary Hawks organist and DJ Sir Foster. “Now we play ‘Hot’ by Young Thug.” It’s tricky for anyone trying to chronicle the genre to pin down one set of criteria for a jock jam: some are upbeat and danceable, or well suited for kids of all ages (think “Jump Around”), and then some that are aggressive and intense and make you want to run headfirst into a brick wall. Plus, there’s just about everything in between — as hip-hop has gotten more laidback, so have the songs deemed pump-up worthy by players and fans. How can you separate the trends from the songs that will still be played in 20 years?

The DJs gave their takes, and with some editorializing (the list does not exactly reflect the poll results, but overall it tracks and aberrations are noted) SB Nation has narrowed down the field to 25 essentials.

25. “Timber” by Pitbull featuring Ke$ha (2013)

Pitbull singing about do-si-dos is an admittedly odd formula for a pop song, but it worked — and teams latched on to the upbeat pace and promises that lay in “It’s going down” (“it” being, probably, a victory).

24. “Big Rings” by Drake and Future (2015)

What A Time To Be Alive, the messy, bombastic joint mixtape that Drake and Future released in 2015, was essentially designed as a sports soundtrack. It’s not making a dent on any critics’ end-of-decade lists, but the message — “I got a really big team, they need some really big rings” — endures, as does the hard-edged, shimmering beat, perfectly suited for highlight reels of more literal ring-chasers.

23. “Hard In Da Paint” by Waka Flocka Flame (2010)

It might seem overly literal, but just listen to the first 30 seconds of “Hard In Da Paint” and try to do anything but go ... well, hard in the paint. Lex Luger has a doctorate in turning orchestral might into unfriendly, relentless and yet entirely undeniable beats; Flocka balances the impulse to yell over the beat’s perfect chaos with swaggy nonchalance. Who would ever want to hear anything else as they walk on the court?

22. “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” by Silentó (2015)

The viral dance craze was an integral part of arena and stadium soundtracks in the 2010s, and Silentó created something of the viral dance crazy with “Watch Me” — simultaneously, he created fodder for in-game fan participation for years to come. (I am intentionally ignoring Katy Perry’s “Swish Swish” in hopes that it goes away.)

21. “Work (Remix)” by A$AP Ferg (2013)

This is the rare tune that is as serviceable as a turn-up anthem as it is a pregame pump-up jam (or fodder for postgame celebration). Its central theme — the titular “work” — is obviously relevant to sports, especially when delivered in Ferg’s trademark growl. But it’s more about getting hyped up in the grand scheme than keeping one’s nose to the grindstone, the perfect reminder to athletes that this is supposed to be fun. Plus they’re playing basketball in the video ...

20. “Can’t Stop The Feeling” by Justin Timberlake (2016)/”Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars (2014)

Both of these songs exist in the jock jams twilight zone: they’re upbeat and inoffensive enough to get regular spins inside arenas and stadiums, but don’t exactly convey beatdown-level intensity or walking-out-to-the-hardwood swagger. Also, they are functionally the same (and not particularly memorable as a result).

19. “We Dem Boyz” by Wiz Khalifa (2014)

“I like ‘We Dem Boyz’ as the first single because of the energy,” Khalifa told Billboard in 2014. “It reaches so many audiences other than just a rap audience. It’s kind of like how ‘Black and Yellow’ was — a big sports song to get everybody riled. It’s more of an anthem.” “Black and Yellow,” of course, is the Pittsburgh native’s Steelers-themed hit; with “Dem Boyz,” Khalifa found a team-agnostic expression of the same sentiment. “Hold up, we dem boyz/hold up, we makin’ noise” — if you read “boyz” as not being gender-specific (it is 2019 after all), it’s about as universal a sports fan sentiment as exists.

18. “Jumpman” by Drake and Future (2015)

Essentially a lesser “March Madness” knock-off, the undeniably sporty WATTBA track nevertheless endures in arenas and basketball mixtapes everywhere.

17. “March Madness” by Future (2015)

Built atop one of the single best beats of the decade, “March Madness” doesn’t really feel like a typical jock jam — but that’s what makes it so special. The practically baroque combination of strings and keyboards is propulsive and fresh, and Future drops the requisite sports references to pay off the title (“We’re ballin’ like March Madness”/“Livin’ lavish, like I’m playing for the Mavericks”). “On behalf of the Dallas Mavericks, I would just like to thank Future so much for the mention in ‘March Madness,’” says the Mavericks’ DJ Poison Ivy. “I know not too many things rhyme with Mavericks!”

16. “Let’s Go” by Calvin Harris featuring Ne-Yo (2012)

“Let’s go, make no excuses now” — OK, we get it, this song was built to be played on the treadmill. Amongst the pinnacles of the EDM-fueled pregame pump-up genre, “Let’s Go” is aggressively generic in ways that are pitch-perfect for the purposes of sports and exercising. As such, it still gets played a lot — after all, who among us can resist a good drop?

15. “Can’t Hold Us” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis featuring Ray Dalton (2011)

Do I want this to be on the list? Not particularly. But the DJs have spoken (12 of them) and so I begrudgingly acknowledge Macklemore’s early-decade pop-rap dominance. People still play this song frequently, and though I understand why in theory, I still can’t in good conscience support it. Are we sure we can’t listen to Waka Flocka instead?

14. “Going Bad” by Meek Mill featuring Drake (2018)

I mean, the album is called Championships — though in Meek’s case, it was more about his long-overdue release from prison than a title (even though the Eagles had chosen his music as their official soundtrack en route to winning the Super Bowl). There’s a bit of recency bias with this one, but the irresistible beat and (again) requisite sports references (shout out to Seattle’s own Jason Terry) make it seem like it will last in arenas even once the sheen wears off. “There was a Lakers game the day or two after Meek Mill released the Championships album, and it was such a moment that I played at least three songs from the album during warmups,” says the Lakers’ DJ Roueche. “‘Going Bad’ is still, and probably always will be, in heavy rotation in my DJ sets.”

13. “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO featuring Lauren Bennett and GoonRock (2011)

Any song that features someone named GoonRock demands a certain degree of respect, just for its sheer audacity. In this case, Mr. Rock helped produce one of the most enduring artifacts of the EDM era — a song that only those with truly blackened hearts would profess not to find at least a little tiny bit festive. It’s a “Sandstorm” for the next generation, absurd and corny and yet extremely hard to ignore.

12. “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes (2017)

A song about a top-tier — but not ubiquitous — NBA Draft pick that is more than a little rough around the edges might not be the most obvious choice for one of the decade’s top jock jams. But the doomy track has become a cathartic favorite in locker rooms and on fields alike — its mosh-pit vibes make it good for celebratory thrashing. “I’ll never forget the first time I played ‘Mo Bamba’ at a Steelers game,” says DJ Digital Dave, who DJs for the Steelers as well as Pitt football and basketball games. “I approached my producer the week before the 2018 Patriots game and said ‘I know this song will probably sound awful to you but it’s huge right now.’ He gave me the green light, and we played it as our defense walked onto the field to shut down Tom Brady’s final drive of the game. The stadium just erupted.”

11. “HUMBLE.” by Kendrick Lamar (2017)

Being humble is a classic sports cliche — demanding the same of your opponents, not so much. But that’s one of the reasons this variation on a classic theme works, as is its 2K-ready beat. Kendrick doesn’t really do arena-sized as a rule, so it seems like sports DJs tend to grade his music on a curve as far as its in-game usefulness given his massive popularity.

10. “Levels” by Avicii (2011)

When you have one song to get an entire stadium on its feet, it’s hard to to imagine a better pick than “Levels.” Arguably the biggest hits of the EDM era, it’s straightforward and to the point: move your person. Handclaps, synths, an Etta James sample and (obviously) a litany of drops make it perfect for pushing people to the next level (get it!?) of playing or cheering or celebrating or whatever it is they’re doing. “The EDM bubble of the early to mid 2010’s was the closest thing to commercial Jocks Jams in the past 20 years,” says Andrew Rivas, DJ for the San Jose Sharks. “‘Levels’ is this decade’s ‘Get Ready For This.’” RIP Tim Bergling.

9. “All The Way Up” by Fat Joe and Remy Ma featuring French Montana and InfaRed (2016)

The Remy Ma freedom tour was a great moment for popular rap, mostly thanks to this track — the ultimate soundtrack to any dunk. New York is back baby! (Kidding, kidding ...) Centering a slick sax hook and an easily sung hook, the song was more or less money in the bank.

8. “Win” by Jay Rock (2018)

This is the rare jock jam that should get played more than it is: aesthetically, the prepares-you-to-run-through-a-wall quotient is through the roof (pun intended), and thematically it’s centered on winning which is ... fairly central to sports. Whether you’re struggling to get off your couch or getting ready for the game of your life, this song feels pitch-perfect.

7. “Boneless” by Steve Aoki, Chris Lake and Tujamo (2013)

Not the kind of song you’ve probably sought out for casual listening, but perhaps one that makes it onto your gym playlist if you’re very hardcore. It has become an in-game go-to, though, with its pump-it-up ready synth riff and background “hey-hey-heys” well-suited to getting the people going, to paraphrase Blades Of Glory. (Oh, hey, sports again!) It’s also relatively big in gymnastics, apparently:

6. “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott featuring Drake (2018)

Here is where the “rap that people like” and “jock jam” categories truly get blurred: “SICKO MODE” was mostly just a massive song, without many specific characteristics that make it uniquely suited to soundtracking sporting events. BUT it was one of the most popular tracks among our DJs, and is more or less inescapable among athletes — so who’s to say taking half the recommended dose of a prescription medication isn’t motivational? Also there’s the pick and roll line, and the Liz Cambage reference (!)...

5. “Dreams & Nightmares (Intro)” by Meek Mill (2012)

Calling an audible on this one: it was not among the top picks by our DJs (a paltry six votes), but there is no way to listen to this song without feeling ready to hit something or run really fast or just yell. Not since the “Rocky” theme has Philly spawned such a transcendent us-against-the-world anthem — and better yet, the song itself is an underdog. It wasn’t a single, and it doesn’t sound like one. But the number of people — Meek Mill fans and otherwise — who know every word to the emotional, vivid, often tragic song speaks to its impact. “I had to grind like that to shine like this” is the ethos of just about every athlete from high school to the pros (much like “It was time to marry the game and I said, “Yeah, I do”). Then, the beat drops — it’s Meek in all his yelling glory, personally goading you to get on his level.

It’s no wonder that the Eagles adopted it as their own during their Super Bowl run, as have athletes of all stripes. “Meek Mill’s ‘Dreams & Nightmares’ will always remind me of the Mystics’ championship run,” says DJ Heat, who spins for the Mystics and the Wizards. “Natasha Cloud wanted to hear it every game. There were times where she sent one of the ball girls up to me to let me know to play it while the team was warming up — and of course I played it while the team was celebrating their championship win on the court.”

4. “POWER” by Kanye West (2012)

It’s become increasingly easy to forget that there was a point at which Kanye had hits — but he did, obviously, and “POWER” is is one product of what might in retrospect be seen as his zenith (though I’m a Yeezus girl myself — “Black Skinhead,” or at least the beat, is also still in heavy rotation). There’s something about leaving a little space at the beginning of a song that just builds anticipation — who has ever heard more than the first 30 seconds of “Crazy Train” at a sporting event? — and the intro to “POWER” follows this rule to a T. After the first 30 seconds it loses much of its heft, but does that even matter when you start that strong?

3. “24K Magic” by Bruno Mars (2016)

This falls into the “family-friendly dance music” category of in-game songs. Is it getting anyone particularly pumped? Probably not, but it’s also not not getting them pumped. If anything, the endurance of this particular track on in-game playlists (it got the highest number of votes) speaks to its overall impact — you’re as likely to hear it at a wedding, which can’t necessarily be said for most of the songs on this list. Also trophies and rings are often gold, so that is something!

2. “All I Do Is Win” - DJ Khaled featuring T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg and Rick Ross (2010)

Did you just win? Better yet, is your team undefeated? More trivially, did your team just win a challenge? Boom, DJ Khaled has a song for you. What for some of us might be indelibly linked to tragic college parties has become a stadium staple for obvious reasons: who among us does not want to exclusively win? It’s a holdover from the gaudy, gloriously Autotuned rap of the late aughts and early 2010s, built for sports primarily by T-Pain and his remarkable gift for hooks. There’s prompts for audience participation, Snoop repping the U — basically if Shakira and J.Lo don’t bring the whole crew out for halftime, it will be a serious lost opportunity to rep Florida.

1. “Turn Down For What” by DJ Snake and Lil Jon (2013)

It’s the pinnacle of pump-up music in the 2010s: EDM and party rap, combined. You just cannot listen to this song without losing your mind — it’s science. The build, the Lil Jon, the drops. So many drops. Mechanized handclaps, distorted hooks, the “ays,” and still more drops. Under “getting hype” in the dictionary (work with me here), there’s a copy of this song. I’m sure that the New York Seahawks bar is one of about five zillion places that played this song after every touchdown, and somehow the impact of all those drops never dulled. Look at how excited these figure skating fans are. “‘Turn Down For What’ is so perfect for arena use that it’s almost too easy,” says Grubes, DJ for the Dallas Stars and the Texas Rangers. “When deployed at the proper moment (typically after a scoring run that puts the game away), it has never failed to get everyone going nuts!”

Editor’s pick:

“Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)” by Rich Homie Quan

Flexing is a thing athletes do, this song is great, and as a bonus I heard it once at Seahawks training camp right before I interviewed Christine Michael — it was a very special moment.

Many thanks to all the DJs who participated:

Andrew Rivas (@andrewrivasdj): San Jose Sharks, US Open, Santa Cruz Warriors, San Jose Barracuda

Ben Bruud (@benbruud): Auburn University football and basketball

DJ Cmix (@DJCmix_): LSU

DJ Digital Dave (@djdigitaldave1): Pittsburgh Steelers, Pitt Panthers football and basketball

DJ Dior (@_djdior): George Washington University basketball (men’s and women’s)

DJ EJ (@itsDJEJ): Dallas Cowboys, among others

DJ Flipside (djflipside33): Chicago Bulls

DJ Heat (@djheatdc): Washington Mystics and Washington Wizards

DJ Hek Yeh (@DJHekYeh): Wake Forest University football and basketball

DJ Kay Cali (@DJKayCali): Austin Spurs

DJ Mad Mardigan (@DJMadMardigan): Timberwolves, Lynx, Vikings, United, Gophers

DJ Mel (@djmel): University of Texas football and men’s basketball

DJ Poizon Ivy (@poizonivythedj): Dallas Mavericks

DJ Premonition (Djpremonition): Washington Redskins

DJ Questionmark (Djquestionmark1): University of North Texas Athletics

DJ Roueche (DJRoueche): Los Angeles Lakers and AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour

DJ SupaSam (@djsupasam): Seattle Seahawks, UW Huskies football

DJ Triple T (@theDJtripleT): Denver Broncos and Colorado Avalanche

DJ Yoshi (djyoshi): B1G Ten Football

DJ Zimbo (@zimbothedj): Colorado State University, Air Force Academy, University of Wyoming athletics

DJay Jung (@_djayjung_): Brooklyn Nets

DJSC (@DJSCMUSIC): Dallas Cowboys and Pro Football Hall of Fame

DJ Dudley D (@nomusicnoparty): Minnesota Timberwolves, Lynx, Gophers men’s basketball, and United FC

GLOtron (@theglotron): Mississippi State men’s and women’s basketball

Grubes (@tweetgrubes): Dallas Stars and Texas Rangers

PJ Krolak (DJPJ) (@pjkrolak5): Toledo Mud Hens, Toledo Walleye, University of Toledo

Sir Foster (@sirfoster): Atlanta Hawks and Georgia Bulldogs

[archerton84-blog]

This Is Us Recap: Did the Best Man Win?

Need to catch up? Check out the previous This Is Us recap here.

Q: What do This Is Us‘ Randall Pearson and the Philadelphia Flyers’ mascot Gritty have in common?

A: They both hit it big — and quickly — in the City of Brotherly Love.

Yup, this week’s episode reveals that Randall managed to eke out a win in his contentious campaign for Solomon Brown’s city council seat, no matter how impossible that outcome seemed the last time we saw him. And he’s able to do so without completely obliterating his marriage to Beth… though at one point, it’s a close thing.

RELATEDPost Mortem: This Is Us‘ Sterling K. Brown Talks Randall’s Big Political Victory, Teases Goran Visnjic’s ‘Passion’-Filled Role

The hour begins on Election Night and then rewinds to seven weeks earlier, which allows us to watch Kevin and Zoe navigate the rocky channel of cohabitation and then stumble on a major clue in the Uncle Nicky mystery.Read on for the highlights of “The Last Seven Weeks.”

ELECTION NIGHT | At Randall’s campaign headquarters, Brown is only four percentage points ahead of Randall: The race officially is too close to call. Rebecca and Miguel are on hand to wait it out with the candidate, as are Zoe, Kevin, Beth and the girls. Things are weird between Kevin and Zoe, and when she says “I can’t do this” and hands him a key ring featuring a photo of John Stamos from the Early Katsopolis era, the mood between the two is even more strained.

SEVEN WEEKS BEFORE ELECTION NIGHT | On the morning immediately following the events of the fall finale, Beth is incensed to learn that Randall plans to continue his campaign, despite her insistence that she will no longer support him. He claims to have it under control — he even ordered an audiobook by Ellen DeGeneres’ mom in order to better understand Tess’ burgeoning sexual identity! — but Beth isn’t swayed one inch. “You cannot audiobook your way through our daughter’s life,” she replies, making it clear that he is on his own. Randall has a flashback to when he and Jack visited Washington, D.C.. “What a great life you’re going to have. What a great man you’re going to be,” the elder Pearson tells his teen son.

Kate tells Toby that she’s ready to turn their office into a nursery, “so you have to sell all of your toys.” (She’s referring to collectible action figures and the like.) He looks slightly pained.

Kevin and Zoe return from Vietnam with a ton of questions — Did Nicky ever return to the United States? Did Jack know his brother wasn’t dead? Was this a Dick Whitman-type situation?  — but that gets tabled when Zoe casually refers to his apartment as “home,” prompting Kevin to invite her to move in. She’s hesitant, but then she agrees, and he hands her the Stamos key ring. (In case you’re wondering: It was a gift from his Full House-obsessed nieces.)

FIVE WEEKS BEFORE ELECTION NIGHT | Randall is still 10 points behind Brown in the polls, despite his volunteers’ fervent efforts (hi, Chichi!), and he’s been staying overnight in Philadelphia more often. As you might have guessed, Beth is still not on board with this plan. In the flashback, teen Randall worries about balancing his future family against his future job, and Papa Pearson good-naturedly teases him about it.

Thanks to some unclear box markings and an overzealous Kate, Toby’s full set of 1977 Star Wars action figures have been sold for $10 to a fellow student at her college. “They’re just toys,” she reasons as Toby fumes, but he sadly says that they’ve been with him forever and he wanted to pass them on to his son.

At the Veterans’ Administration, a clerk says she can’t release Nicky’s records to Kevin without documentation — though getting a VIP to authorize the release would probably do the trick. (Side note: I love how thoroughly uncharmed the woman is by all of Kevin’s attempts to charm her.) Zoe says she might be able to help: She dated a congressman for a while.

THREE WEEKS BEFORE ELECTION NIGHT | On the drive back to Alpine, Randall hears Brown point out that Beth and the kids haven’t been seen much in Philly lately. So he’s super angry as he returns home and demands that his family join him for events. She’s wrapping Christmas presents and points out that he has no idea what’s in the boxes because he hasn’t been around much for weeks. Then things get ugly. “Are you really mad at me, Beth?” he asks. “Or are you mad that I got something that I care about right now and you don’t?” DAMN. Then, he points out that he stayed at home with the girls all last year and didn’t complain. Beth wisely exits the room “before you say something else you’re going to regret.”

Zoe’s ex, it turns out, is still quite angry about the way they broke up after dating for a couple of years: She sent him an email, and that was it. The congressman agrees to help release Nicky’s records, but he’s not real happy about it.

TWO WEEKS BEFORE ELECTION NIGHT | On New Year’s Eve, Jae-wan runs into campaign headquarters with a gift for Randall: Proof that his political opponent was arrested for driving while intoxicated years ago, but paid off the cops and the local press to bury the incident. They’ll deliver the goods to the media the next day; for now, Randall heads to a diner to buy a blueberry pie, because eating blueberry pie at midnight is one of their family traditions.

Only problem: The diner he stops at is fresh outta blueberry pie. But Reverend Hawley happens to be sitting at the counter, and his brief inquiry about Randall’s life leads Pearson into a monologue about how “I’m starting to think it might be harder to be a good man than a great man.” He also vaguely mentions that he’s sitting on something that could “change the whole game,” but he doesn’t want to win that way. Hawley listens, then offers up some advice he’s honed after years of attending to his congregants’ death beds: “Act in a way that’ll make you smile when you’re old and gray and lying under a pale pink nursing home blanket, thinking about the life you’ve lived,” the older man says. “You do that, you’ll be the man your father wanted.” Then he takes pity on Randall and hands him the blueberry pie he’d bought to take home. On the way out, Randall crumples the envelope of evidence incriminating Brown and tosses it into the garbage.

Back at home, Beth is icy to Randall but thaws as he interrupts their New Year’s Eve revelry to apologize for everything he’s missed in the weeks prior. “This family is what makes me special. You four. You’re what make me great. And I’m sorry if I haven’t done a good enough job of showing you that lately,” he says. Then he pulls out the pie, and it appears that Beth is willing to forgive her man.

Kate tries to play the “I’m pregnant and my house burned down and my dad died and I have nothing from my own childhood including the replica of Three Rivers Stadium that my dad made me to give my baby” card, but the college kid she sold the Star Wars toys to is unmoved.

Nicky’s file reveals that he was medevac’d out of Vietnam in 1971, sent for a psych evaluation and eventually signed his discharge papers “Clark Kent.” But Kevin is pissy when Zoe wants to talk about it, and that’s because he can’t shake the feeling that she’s going to leave him like she left the Congressman. After all, she hasn’t even unpacked her boxes at his place yet. Feeling attacked, Zoe counters that she only moved in to make him happy and that he’s pushing her to do things she’s not comfortable with.

A FEW DAYS BEFORE ELECTION NIGHT | Upon realizing that Randall plans to skip Rev. Hawley’s service the Sunday before the election, she tells him he has to go — and she’ll go with him. “I will not let you forget who you are. I should’ve had your back. You need to finish this campaign,” she says. And it’s a good thing, too, because during his remarks from the pulpit, Hawley calls Randall “fundamentally decent” and tells the congregation that Philadelphia would be in capable hands with either Randall or Brown in office. (Hawley also makes mention of Randall’s two-hour-one-way drive between Alpine and Philadelphia, and we feel seen.)

Beth surprises Toby with replacements of his action figures, but he’s still bummed that they’re not his action figures. She tries to cheer him up by saying, “I know with every part of me that you are going to be our son’s favorite thing.”

ELECTION NIGHT, AGAIN | In California, Toby calls Kate into the nursery to show her the finished decorations… and the replica of Three Rivers Stadium he commissioned a dollhouse maker to create in order to replace the one she’d lost in the fire. She cries a lot, but she’s touched. “For the record,” Toby adds, “I’m going to be our kid’s second favorite thing. You’re the first.”

In Philadelphia, it becomes clear that the official election results won’t be in until after midnight. So Randall thanks everyone who worked on his campaign and sends them home. Outside, Zoe tells Kevin that he’s one of the only people who knows about her dad and what he did to her, and that it’s always been important for her to feel she has her own, secure space. But she does want to live with Kevin, she says. “I think I like what you’re pushing for. I’m in love with you. And I want John Stamos back.” Kevin smiles at her and hands the key over, then they go home.

Later, as they’re unpacking, Zoe finds a postcard dated 1992 in a box of Jack’s Vietnam paraphernalia. “Jack, Last one. — C.K.” it reads, along with a return address we recognize as Nicky’s trailer in Bradford, Penn. “My dad knew Nicky was alive. Why would he lie to us?” Kevin wonders aloud.

In bed that night, a very sleepy Randall ruminates on how “sometimes it feels like there’s been a plan for my life from the beginning.” Then he gets a call. After he hangs up, he turns to Beth and somewhat dazedly gives her the news: “I won.”

Now it’s your turn. What did you think of the episode? Hit the comments!

Source: https://tvline.com/2019/01/15/this-is-us-recap-season-3-episode-10-the-last-seven-weeks/

[loveiscosmicsin]

5. "You're burning up" - Ignoct

Hurt/Comfort Prompt Meme

You can check this out, too, if you want. Just pics of my dumb drafts I wouldn’t post in my fics: https://mobile.twitter.com/loveiscosmicsin/status/827227422009364480

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An AU that features Oracle of Futurity Noctis Lucis Caelum, Crown Prince of Lucis and Ignis Scientia, Royal Retainer and “Blind Seer” to the Princess and King of Light Lunafreya Nox Fleuret of Tenebrae. Fate Swap. Loosely follows canon. How IgNoct would’ve been under these circumstances had Ignis grown up in Tenebrae as Luna’s best friend. Not genderbending the characters, the roles have been masculine and feminine respectably in the lore until the roles were reversed in the current generation. Sorry if you get confused.

@letshareapapou was kind enough to write this fic with me Radiance is also on Ao3

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5. “You’re burning up.” – IgNoct

“It’s been some while. Do you remember the last time you saw Prince Noctis?”

Luna glanced away from the scenic view of the window to address the traveling companion sitting across from her. “It’s been twelve years.” When her companion didn’t react to the given answer, she added, “Though he had stayed in Tenebrae for only two weeks, we’ve remained in contact after that time.”

“This will be our first time going into the Crown City.” Ignis inclined his head, registering information he already was aware of. “He’ll expect to see a fine young lady.”

The lady in question let out an astonished gasp. “Ignis! Have I not achieved outstanding ovation for my maidenhood? Am I not the paragon in both etiquette and citizenship surpassing all expectations?”

“Ah, yes,” Ignis stroked at his chin, unaffected by Luna’s protests. “How could I forget the polls unanimously declaring you a winner in all fields…” He fixed the young woman with what Luna defined as a cheeky remark, “All from publications that target adolescent girls and mature women, I may add.”

The woman crossed her arms over her chest. Ignis’ attack was uninvited and she mentally chastised herself for falling in a trap. “And just what is it that you’re implying? What do you know that I don’t?”

“I’m afraid we don’t have time for all that.”

“Oh you!” Luna kicked at Ignis’ shoe in a huff.

Ignis chuckled, “Fine display of refined behavior, indeed, Lady Lunafreya.”

The anointed King of Light and Princess Lunafreya Nox Fleuret of Tenebrae and Royal Retainer to the Crown Ignis Scientia were well on their way to Lucis. The King’s elder brother, Ravus, was able to secure safe passage via train. He had his qualms about letting his sister go off alone, but couldn’t compromise a peaceful visit with armed guards so he allowed her retainer to accompany her. For additional insurance for the lord commander’s conscience, he had asked for the two travelers to don on the ceremonial robes so they could blend in with the crowd of pilgrims arriving to the Citadel. There was an ongoing festival and many from all parts of Eos came to receive the Oracle’s blessing as well as experience Lucis’ hospitality. The conditions were fair and they agreed to return once they concluded their mission. After all, Tenebrae achieved some autonomy because of the King of Light’s emergence and contesting on her people’s behalf.  

Ignis was two years Luna’s junior, and had been in service to House Fleuret ever since he was a young boy. His brilliance and stoicism provided a contrast to the passionate and often, rebellious princess. They were polar opposites yet while Luna wasn’t as demure as she appeared before others, Ignis had a mischievous side to him, they developed an unbreakable bond.

Not only was Ignis her retainer, he was also her childhood friend. Ignis was expected to serve the future Queen of Tenebrae and was nearly removed from service when he lost his vision twelve years ago, the very day Niflheim set their beloved homeland ablaze. The Empire and remnants of the Tenebraen government didn’t hesitate with what to do with the vulnerable chamberlain-to-be. At that moment and before the new regime, the princess and future King of Light-to-be vetoed the forced resignation and asked Ignis to remain at her side until the day he died. Ignis accepted and he overcame his disability, his devotion rang louder than the hindrances along the way. He rose as advisor to the crown princess.

Luna breathed out softly and leaned back, glancing out the window, lips pursed as she drummed her fingers on the table.

“A gil for your thoughts?”

“What if… What if he’s disappointed?” She spoke in a whisper. It was a question she desperately wanted the answer to but at the same time, shield her ears to avoid it. It had been years, they were children then, expectations low and the cherished moments seemed to stretch out for eternity. The world seemed as open as the sylleblossom field that they had played in. But that was no longer, Noctis had grown into an amazing Oracle, renowned and bright as the stars in the night sky and Luna was… simply exhibited about as Niflheim’s priceless centerpiece and lauded as a celebrity in the tabloids.

“Luna.” She blinked back to Ignis, his gloved hand extended to hers, eyes set forward though there was nothing he could see in them. She gave a small smile and placed her own hand over his. He leaned in and kiss her knuckles gently. “You are a beautiful and extraordinary young woman. You need to give yourself more credit. Pay no heed about what the Oracle might think.” Ignis sighed, squeezing her fingers. “Remember that you must also be wary. Boys grow up into—”

“Men?” Luna interjected.

“Beasts with a ravenous hunger at even the sliver of exposed flesh. Oracle or not, the prince is still a man.”

Luna laughed softly. Her advisor never had the pleasure of meeting Noctis. He didn’t hold a favorable opinion of men who Luna showed the slightest interest over. Had Ignis succumbed to this ravenous hunger since he was also a man? Never once had she witnessed such crude behavior.

“I find your distaste of Noctis silly, Ignis. He’s been nothing but kind to me. He’s a very good friend.” She laughed outright at Ignis’ sneer, “Besides you, of course.”

“As it should be,” he said haughtily as he released Luna. “I’ve been at your side for nearly my whole life. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly.”

The princess smiled to herself. Ignis was rarely so outright rude but when it came to the Oracle he was always a bit adversarial, at least when it was just the two of them. Luna sensed a bit of jealousy, but overall concern at how she would be received.

She knew he only wanted what was best for her, and that thought was comforting as Lucis came into view.

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“My word, that was an experience we’ve endured.” The Crown Advisor panted as he and his lady boarded the elevator. Normally, he could walk around without his walking cane with ease, but as it was his first time in Insomnia, he had to rely on it. The princess filed no complaints about the pace nor did she walk ahead of him, simply stood at his side. “Next time, perhaps we should consult a map. That errand left us chasing after our own tails.”

“But didn’t it feel nice to help?” Luna chided gently as the doors closed with a whoosh, and the floor under them shifted upward. “Those chocochicks were devastatingly precious especially the one that mistook your hair as a nest.” She made no attempt to conceal her jovial laughter, much to the advisor’s chagrin.

“Yes…” Ignis swore that he could smell the unpleasant musk of the foul fowl that had catapulted itself at him. It took a handler several minutes to dislodge the chick’s claws without ripping out his hair. That quest was a story he rather not take home to Tenebrae and he would appreciate it that Luna did the same. Unfortunately, knowing the good lady like the back of his hand, she most likely wouldn���t let the ordeal go unheard. “Altruism is all well and good, but Lucians are a peculiar lot. You could only go so far on the kindness of strangers.”

“It was fortunate that we were able to help those people. The petting zoo attraction would’ve been short of animals to exhibit. The children would’ve been devastated.”

Ignis hummed at this. Luna, a woman of class and virtue, had always offered a hand. No task was never beneath her and as her advisor, it warmed his heart to witness generosity even if it led to unexpected adventures. The lord commander’s concerns were unfounded, the two companions’ identities went unrecognized and thus, it made their explorations unrestained. He had a hunch that getting out of the city would be uneventful as it was getting in unless those chocobo wranglers or other venders found themselves in assistance, Luna could never say no. It would be a hassle if reporters caught wind of Lady Lunafreya’s whereabouts and her business in the Citadel.

It was fortunate that his dear friend didn’t insist on taking one of the birds home, he would’ve enabled her and poor Umbra and Pryna would have had competed for Luna’s divided attention.

“At the price of missing the Oracle’s speech.” He turned to the young woman, the endpoint of his cane scraping the carpet beneath them. “By the by, how are you faring, Luna?”

“I’m… all right,” Luna answered though the lack of cheer in her voice was disconcerting. “We missed the speech. They’re bound to replay it as the festival goes on, but we’ll finally be able to meet with him soon.”

The two friends were silent after that. The music, banter, and sound effects from the festivities were distant the longer they rode on the elevator. All Ignis could detect is his companion shift from one foot to another, her clothes rustling, restless.

“You seem a little on edge.” Ignis observed. There was little that slipped past the advisor’s intuition.

“Not at all,” Luna denied as the rustling grew louder and her voice quaked. “It’s unbelievable the people could wear these garbs during a sweltering summer’s day here. You insisted that I keep my hood up at all times.”

Ignis still wasn’t convinced. His lady would never bring up meager excuses, not when she had something to hide. “I haven’t felt you this tense since we stumbled in that cave full of tonberries.”

“You fell into that nightmare, Ignis, and I rescued you.” The royal scion sniped, sounding crossed.

“Oh. Yes. I was attracted to the glint of their blades and I assumed that they were interested in a culinary match.” Ignis laughed to himself. Light was the only thing his eyes could detect and in his curiosity, he made contact with daemons. He and Luna made quick work of them and retreated when the horde arrived.

“I can’t believe I’m finally going to see Noctis, Ignis.” Had Ignis continued musing over a fond memory, Luna’s words wouldn’t have broke his thoughts. “This notebook we exchanged… means the world to me.”

“What brought this up…?”

“I thought over what you said. About you being there for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Does it seem silly that I haven’t done the same for Noctis? I mean, Umbra and Pryna have more physical contact with him than I do.” She paused, her throat constricted the rest of her words, “Maybe I’ve been insincere or dishonest to him… Or has he been withholding something from me?”

“Luna,” Ignis stopped her, holding out his hand. “Hand me the notebook, if you will.”

The advisor ran his fingers over the hardcover, tracing the smooth designs embellished on it. He never been privy to what the King of Light and the Oracle wrote in it and even if he was, it was never his place to ask about the contents. When Luna wrote to Noctis that she would be embarking a trip to see him in Insomnia, the cur had the audacity to write “Got it” in response. Luna’s heartfelt words, paragraphs she had requested Ignis to listen as she read them aloud and two words were all Prince Noctis wrote. She found it amusing, but the advisor didn’t take kindly to it.

“I’m confiscating this.”

“I do not under—”

Ignis waved the book lightly. “It’s in the past. Your future’s ahead.” He motioned above them before pocketing the book in his vest. It weighed heavy for such a slim memento.

Luna’s eyes were on him, he could sense her soft stare. Surely, she wasn’t plotting to overpower him to retrieve the book back, was she? “Why, Ignis, are you telling me I can’t learn anything from a book?” She teased further with a jest, “That would be refreshing hearing that from you for once.”

“Rereading pages from the same chapter won’t get you to the next.” He said softly, feeling an ache in his chest at the words. “This simply isn’t an exam you could cram for like you have in the past, Highness.”

It wasn’t jealousy, not exactly, but there was a vise over his ribs. Noctis was the Oracle, this fact couldn’t be denied, but under that authority, he was still just a man. What if he didn’t live up to Luna’s impressive commendations whenever she spoke of him? Ignis wouldn’t allow her to be hurt, never again. The fires of Tenebrae had been nothing, he would take out Ifrit himself if it would procure Luna’s happiness.

Everyone knew of the legend, a woman, blood of the Oracle from the Nox Fleuret nobility and a man, the King of Light, born into the Lucis Caelum dynasty, were chosen by the divine to safeguard the natural balance of the world. Together, the Oracle and King were to vanquish the Starscourge, it was their calling to fulfill, it had always been a woman who was the Oracle and a man who was the King. But then a phenomena occurred, the roles switched when Lunafreya and Noctis were born. History witnessed the first woman accept her calling as the King of Light while a man ascended to deliver holy testaments as the Oracle of mankind. Ignis was uncertain of what trials Luna had endured or what the future would hold for her. If Ravus’ training sessions were any indicator, then Luna would encounter conflict and grand battles. Ignis wouldn’t falter nor would he fear for Luna’s side was his place until the very end. But now wasn’t the time for fighting.

Today was an important day. Luna had longed to see Noctis and the desire went beyond a shared sense of duty.

The elevator came to a full stop, a bell jingled and the doors parted with a sharp whish. Ignis stepped first and Luna’s heels clicked after him before she touched his arm. A melodious and airy voice greeted them.

“It is heartening to see the King of the Stone once more. A sentiment that I do not enjoy alone.”

“Gentiana.” Luna was elated, her hand on Ignis’ arm trembled slightly as though uncertain of how to react to the welcome. “It’s wonderful to see you again. Blessed be.” She dipped low for a bow.

“Gentiana?” Ignis asked, tilting his head to how the King performed that bow, practically a bounce in her step.

“Gentiana’s a Messenger,” Luna informed the advisor. “A spirit faithful to the Oracle. She had accompanied King Regis and Prince Noctis to Tenebrae.”

“You are the blind seer,” Gentiana spoke out. “The stars have aligned for our fortuitous meeting, my prayers answered. Blessed be.”

“I wouldn’t call myself a seer…” Ignis was skeptical about this fabled guardian and how she held knowledge of him. Predictions of the political affairs held no water for what concerned his lady the most. “Blessed be, Messenger.” He returned the greeting with a bow.

“I apologize, the Oracle couldn’t be here to greet you formally. He has many duties to tend to after the ceremony. I stand here in his stead until he able to break free from them.”

Luna’s fingers anxiously tightened on Ignis. “Oh, of course! Today is very important. I wouldn’t expect anything less from Noctis.” She agreed, however, Ignis was seething inside.

How far they had traveled? How long had Luna waited for this moment? Did she mean that little, to be shoved aside this way? The Oracle was given a two-week’s notice of their arrival and he couldn’t prepare accordingly. Ignis squeezed a fist and did well to conceal it at his side. Unbelievable.

“Shall we retire to lounge? I have arranged tea and… coffee can also prepared if the drink is not to the seer’s liking.” Ignis flushed, he’d never been one for tea, piqued at having been outed so easy. He wondered how much the Messenger knew of him.

Luna giggled, “That sounds lovely, thank you.”

“This way then, my King.” Gentiana voice was soft and bell-like, echoing sweetly down the long hall.

Ignis couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed as he followed Luna’s gentle motions and words, the heat dying out of him like ice on a flame, her joy was almost palpable.

“How have the years treated you, Gentiana?” Luna initiated a conversation after the Messenger dispensed the beverages and tea cakes. “You look as lovely as ever.”

The Messenger hummed thoughtfully. “As of now, trying times are at a standstill, O King, but the Oracle has yet to reach his full potential. For the first time in many cycles, my liege may live a long and joyous life. I am very content witnessing his growth.”

Luna sniffled and behind a wobbly words, “I’m so happy to hear that, for you and Noctis.”

“Sweet girl, may I sing my praises that you have bloomed into a brilliant flower after all these years? You were but a bud facing towards the sun. I am enraptured by your presence today, a kingly aura like petals glistening and flourishing after the rain.”

Ignis nearly choked on a pastry, feeling like he was in the middle of some very heated flirting. Luna wasn’t faring much better, she was probably just as red.

“Oh-ah-um, thank you!” She said quickly, voice high and flustered. Ignis decided he liked the Messenger after that.

The royal retainer rose from his seat and the act didn’t go unnoticed by Luna.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to visit the loo,” Ignis retrieved his cane before directing a question to Gentiana. “Where may I find it?”

“The bathrooms are two doors down the hall on your right. You will pass the water fountain on the left, then the men’s room is on the right.”

“Thank you.”

“Maybe I should go with you…” Luna suggested.

Ignis shook his head. “You shouldn’t concern yourself. The directions were clear and concise.”

“All right…”

The advisor smiled. “I’ll return shortly.”

After Ignis’ visit to the toilet, he took his time exploring his surroundings. He was never one for staying in one place for long and though Luna would never accuse him of this, Ignis felt that he was encroaching on an intimate reunion. Luna never had close friends who were women, a cloistered lifestyle enforced by the Empire no doubt had a hand in the King’s interactions. She had earned this.

The advisor followed the rhythmic orchestra of water crashing into a pool from the fountain. He went close enough to feel the drops spray his face before backing away. Stretching out a hand, he felt the walls, stopping at coiled metal mounted on it. There was an intricate appeal that Ignis appreciated in the ornate swirls and twirls. He realized that it was a frame. As to what, Ignis sought the answer as he continued investigating.

Layers of paint cleverly collected on the canvas left a distinctive style in each brushstroke. It was an oil painting, but of what Ignis cannot distinguish. Even as he caressed the image, detect the techniques used, and find no flaw to distract him from his inquiry, the mystery remains such. Then he discovered a blemish, definitely not something the artist had intended. It felt like a scorch mark, a hole left in the painting. Almost small enough to go unnoticed, but someone deliberately made an effort to conceal it by plastering more paint on it.

“Who could’ve done such a thing?” He asked himself.

“Are you lost?”

Ignis dropped his hand immediately. He didn’t anticipate that there was an audience or a bystander. He would’ve heard the intruder’s footsteps approach. How careless he was for pondering over a mere painting. But then again, the advisor was the intruder, a permitted guest who was simply immersed into details.

Being caught in his zealous affection for the arts wasn’t what made Ignis’ heart stop. It was the voice of the speaker. Many times had Ignis observed Luna falling upon every word articulated from the public broadcasts, nearly dropping whatever she was doing at the time to listen and deliver her own prayers. There was no denying that those three words belonged to Oracle and Crown Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum.

Ignis blinked on instinct at the voice, it was low and intimate, passing at him gently like the summer breeze. He closed his eyes and breathed out, it was more beautiful next to his ear than through a radio or a television, the static running it thin. In person it sounded light and airy, curling around him gently and encompassing him in an embrace before teasingly fleeting from reach.

Ignis hated himself for wanting to hear more of it. He let his hand trace over the edge of the painting before dropping it slowly. “Not lost in that sense. I was merely enjoying the piece. The artist showed great care in crafting it.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Though someone left a mark on it. Most curious.” He continued as he stroked at his chin, puzzled. “It couldn’t been of the artist’s doing.”

“The Oracle did it,” the other man replied. “Maybe he thought could make a statement shortly after its completion. If someone didn’t come to put the fire out, that painting would be more than a little singed.” With mock exasperation, he passed over his own woven speculations. “He had his attendant cover it up pretty good or so he thought. Well, I won’t be the bearer of bad news that someone spotted it.”

Ignis wasn’t certain what scheme the man was cooking up or why he was referring to himself as a third party, but he’d play along for now. Contrary to his words, Noctis didn’t sound upset at all about the incident. What compelled him to commit vandalism? “A pity that he held a unfavorable viewpoint. It’s a marvelous painting.”

“You think so? Well, that’s the Oracle you’re touching.”

“My word! You can’t be serious!”

“Dead serious. Closest you’ve come to touching the real deal. The nose’s way off though.”

The Prince Oracle’s laugh was playful, Ignis felt his ears heat. Of course, the palace was where the Oracle resided, most of the paintings were probably of him. Ignis felt like a fool. To be caught stroking a depiction of the Good Lord, Shiva preserve him for his folly.

“Guess he’s pretty marvelous, huh?” The Crown Prince hummed, his voice a bit closer than where he last stood. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell if you don’t reveal that mark to anyone.”

Ignis turned to him, readily expecting a gasp at his unsightly scars, a normal response from new acquaintances. Instead a hand slid over his face. Astonished, Ignis turned away from the touch, his own hand flew up to seize the offending appendage, fingers curling tight around a wrist. Does this man not have no gauge of personal space?

“Sorry, that was rude,” Noctis apologized. “Should’ve told you I was going to touch them.”

“You should’ve asked instead.” Ignis growled, feeling out of his element before being entrenched in a cold wave. He was touching the Oracle, one of the most paramount figures of Eos. His office, body, and vestments were considered holy. He was also a prince, Ignis was a mere servant. He quickly released the wrist.

“My sincere apologies, I shouldn’t have done that.” Ignis said lowly and shakily reached up to adjust his glasses in attempt to free himself of his worn nerves, his body tense at the invasion. He expected the Prince Oracle would have his head for this and report to Lady Lunafreya to administer the appropriate punishment. His fate was sealed.

To his surprise he heard a snort. “Done what? Defend yourself? You got fast reflexes.” The last words sounded like he was praising Ignis.

“I’ve had time to adjust.” Ignis replied coolly.

The Oracle chuckled. “I suppose you have… Can we try this again?” The voice questioned, it was barely above a whisper and wounded tightly. Ignis sighed in disbelief, but nodded mutely. Consent was given. This time, the hands caressed his cheekbones and paused. “Can I remove your glasses?”

“Do what you wish.” He said pointedly. He should be bowing to the Oracle’s whim, but the last few minutes left him with him tense. Ignis never liked being touched there. He still had nightmares of the healers trying to preserve his life. The tonics they used left him in perpetual agony. Fingers teased over the rims and they were oh, so gently pulled away.

Ignis swallowed at the feeling of his last barrier being removed. Soft pads edged over the cut on his right brow then fluttered towards the worse of the damage: his left eye. Ignis flinched and the movement halted. There was a warm breath on his face.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

Ignis wanted to scoff and say something scathing in return but he couldn’t. He felt himself lean into the touch. Just why was he letting the Oracle have his way?

“There you are, Ignis!” Luna called out as she scurried towards the men, another set of heels followed at a more languid pace. “Gentiana and I were worried and—” The woman gasped. “Noctis, it’s you!”

“Your lordship is right welcome back to Palace Caelum.” The Messenger’s gratuitous greetings reverberated the room. “You humble us with your presence.”

And just like that the spell that the Oracle held over the advisor broke as the former lowered his hands.

“Thanks, Gentiana,” Noctis said. “Glad to be home in one piece. Sorry, I took so long, Luna.”

“No, that’s all right. I knew you were busy and… You must be exhausted.”

“Not exhausted to see you.” Noctis replied as metals clinked together. “I trust Gentiana kept you company while I was away.”

“Yes, she’s been a gracious host.” Luna paused before realizing her place. “Oh! Ignis, this is Noctis. Noctis, Ignis is my most cherished friend and advisor.”

Ignis bore in mind that Luna was watching and gave the Oracle a respectable bow. “It is an honor to meet your acquaintance, Your Highness.”

“And I liked it better when you were pretending to not know who I was.” Prince Noctis joked as he tapped the advisor’s shoulder with his fist.

“Ig-Ignis!” Luna gasped.

Ignis straightened his back, meeting the confident voice with a tilt of his head. “And who’s to say that you weren’t doing the exact thing?”

“Noctis!” Luna scolded. “How could you not introduce yourselves? That’s so rude!”

“Sorry Luna, Specs and I were just teasing.” Noctis laughed.

Ignis mouthed the new nickname to himself with a scowl.

Luna must have saw because her voice came out playful instead of trying. “Of course, boys will be boys after all.” Ignis felt his hair raise at the words.

“Oh yeah, speaking of Specs, here.” Prince Noctis voice was warm as he reached slowly and curled his fingers around Ignis’ forearm. Ignis felt something light placed in his palm. He blinked and made a low sound of embarrassment before placing the glasses back on his nose. “I’d put them back on for you but I feel like I’d get a fist to my face if I tried.”

Ignis hummed thoughtfully, “Capital idea.”

Luna made an annoyed sound. “You two, really.”

There was a sound of bells, clothes rustling over skin before a voice spoke.“It is growing late. Shall I show Lady Lunafreya and the lord seer to their rooms for the evening so you may recuperate?”

“Mmm, I’d like to do something else tonight.”

Ignis blinked, for once out of the loop as the conversation turned.

“That would be ill-advised, my liege,” the Messenger gravely implored.

“Noctis, you’ve had such a long day…” Luna said softly.

Noctis sighed, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Luna, you’ve traveled a long way and waited so long. I think I should start as soon as possible to grant your request.”

Ignis stood quietly. Request? His stomach churned. He moved, gesturing for Luna. A familiar hand curled in his and squeezed firmly. He stared in her direction.

“I was unaware you requested something of the Oracle… Are you all right?” He wanted his words to be light but his voice came out a bit strained. Was she afflicted with the Starscourge? How had he missed Luna’s illness? Had it been long? Was she in pain?

“Oh… Oh! Ignis, no!” A forehead was placed against his. “I’m okay!”

The advisor felt the tension he planned to unleash dissipate. He sagged against her. “Thank the Six.” He breathed.

“You honestly jump to such horrible conclusions, Ignis.”

“It’s my sworn duty.” He said dryly, feeling his charge chuckle. The corners of his lips twitched upwards.

“Your sworn nature.” Luna pulled away, squeezing his hands. “The request… was about you.”

Ignis froze. “About me?”

“Luna told me you lost your sight a long time ago,” the Prince Oracle explained. “She asked if she could bring you here for healing.”

Something broke inside Ignis. It clicked as to why Luna was so adamant pleading Ravus to allow Ignis to accompany her. The lord commander probably had a handmaiden in mind given that it was considered improper for people of the opposite sex to be alone together, no matter what the nature of their relationship was. Ignis always had followed the orders given to him. Perhaps Ravus had shared the same sentiments of male and female relationships and rather not leave his sister alone with the Oracle. While Luna made this entire about meeting a distant pen pal, she had been thinking about Ignis the entire time.

“Lady Lunafreya,” the advisor swallowed a lump lodged in his throats as he lowered his head. He suddenly felt like the wounded little boy with bandages draped over his face, begging not to be sent away from the court long ago. “Am I in the way?”

“What? No, of course not. How could you ask me that?”

Then there was the girl, just two years older than he, who stood in his defense, declaring that she would claim full responsibility for the boy though she was asserted that he was his own person first. She had nothing left, the jewels of her crown forcibly removed and no standing to demand anything of her oppressors. To demand the servitude of a mere chamberlain was a reckless and foolish gesture.  

“Because I…”

The retainer was a sniveling boy then, fearful of the unknown variables of the future if he was removed from Luna’s side. Ignis owed his life to her. It didn’t take long after the accident for him to realize that he was a burden. The rebellious princess had fled the Fenestala Manor many times and Ravus publicly humiliated her before the imperial captors. When Ignis was ordered to apply salves to the welts and angry scores on her back, the girl didn’t cry once. Ignis decided he had to be better in order to serve Luna, as her equal, in fulfilling her destiny and seeing their homeland liberated. Together, they had the will and they were far from powerless.

Luna brought Ignis into her embrace, swaying slightly as she rested her chin on his shoulder. The advisor returned the motion almost mechanically. “Ignis, you have been my pillar of strength. We were apart when Tenebrae burned, but when the flames were extinguished, a greater menace became our reality. You stood by me, let me lay my burdens on your back, but never gave me any in return. For every complaint and worry I had, you listened without fail.” Luna pulled back to take him my the shoulders. “There’s no else I would rather have by my side.”

“Luna, that’s hardly true—” Ignis argued.

“Remember the goblins?” Luna interjected.

“As you would let me forget even if I tried.” Ignis winced. Reminiscing about the past was almost an guarantee that it would lead to who saved who first and why. The advisor and the princess had plenty adventures when they were younger. Most of those exploits having to do with encountering monsters. Never a dull moment at the Tenebraen princess’s side. They encountered more creatures than a princess and advisor should.  

“I may had joked that I saved you, but I chose to go in that cave.” Luna’s voice turned a bit whimsical, “I’d stumbled upon an old wives’ tale about a beautiful creature who could recreate any sound in this world. Said creature could be found in that cave.”

“You wanted to hear your mother’s voice again.” Ignis said gently, remembering.

“Yes, it was reckless—”

“You were a child.”

“Yes, but I knew the cave was no place for children. You tried to stop me but I insisted, and you… You came with me. You held my hand, shielded me from the goblins, spoke to me softly as I wept and we came out of there alive. You saved me. I was wrong and put us at risk, but you always came to my rescue.”

“I only wanted you to be happy.”

“I know, and that’s why I asked this of Noctis. I know you’re not sad or alone, but with this you could be so much more. You guided me through that darkness. Now let me do the same for you.”

“It’s like what I told Luna,” the Oracle interrupted, his tone serious. “I can heal you but it has to be on your own terms. Nobody’s forcing you to choose.”

“Y-yes…” Luna stammered. “Please don’t see this as an order. If you refuse, then I won’t stop you. I only wish to help as your friend…”

“There’s no need to explain yourself, Luna. I know you have good intentions.” Ignis smiled before turning to Noctis. “Can it be done? Could you heal my sight?” He shook his head. “The healers said nothing could be done for me and it’s been many years…”

“I knew the moment I touched your face that it can be done.”

“You knew immediately? That’s impressive.”

“Well, I’ve had a very good teacher. Gentiana knows her stuff for sure.”  Noctis laughed off the compliment, sounding a bit embarrassed by it. “Still got a long way to go.”

“I am merely a guide, my dear Oracle, nothing more. What you have done, it was but with your own hands.” She replied, sounding proud and aloof all at once.

Prince Noctis made a sound. “Gen, you’re too modest.”  

“A trait I fear I’ve imbued in you.” She countered easily.

“Anyway,” The Oracle sidelined, “If you need time to decide, Gentiana can take you to your rooms and—”

“I’ll do it.” Ignis’ voice was strong, he licked his lips, “I would… very much like to see again.”

It was a will yet foreign to his ears. To reclaim a sense should be what anyone would desire, but to Ignis, he had lived in darkness for the past twelve years and adapted to it. The loss gradually became something that didn’t weigh on his mind aside from the opportunities locked from him. It would be a new perspective even though he didn’t know what it meant just yet.

“Sweet.” Prince Noctis replied, “I’ll take you my room, then.”

“What…?”

“I mean, it’s comfortable, has a casual ambience, and we’ll have our privacy.” The Crown Prince postulated slyly. “What’s not to like?”

“Plenty! For starters, our… relationship hasn’t progressed beyond acquaintances.” Ignis retorted hotly. He wasn’t aware whether this was a case of conflicting cultures or Prince Noctis was proposing something. Normally, one doesn’t invite someone to their room upon first introductions. Given all the buzz of admirers, Ignis was positive that the Prince Oracle was indeed a handsome man, but…

“Then let’s get to know each other better,” Prince Noctis laughed. “Just joking. It might take a while to reverse what’s been done to you and there’s no telling what’ll happen if we’re separated for too long.”

“Prince Noctis, are you certain you wish to do this?” Gentiana asked. “You have never performed a miracle that took longer than a few hours.”  

“And I’ve healed thirty people in that time. Broke my own record.”

“Then I’ll see that you are not to be disturbed.” Gentiana conceded with a sigh.

“Thank you, Noctis…” Luna’s voice sounded as it was submerged in water. “But if it’s too much…”

“It’s not,” he assured her. “No favor’s too much when it’s from a friend. Maybe Specs and I can become friends after this.”

Silence followed and Ignis sensed their gazes fall on him. “I… Yes…” He mentally kicked himself for sounding insincere.

“Well, I leave Ignis in your hands, Lord Oracle.” Luna exalted in an optimistic tone.

Noctis groaned, “Please don’t call me that…”

“Good night, Ignis,” Luna’s hand found Ignis’ and squeezed it. “I… I hope everything works out all right.”

“Rest easy,” Ignis patted her hand. “You’ll see a new man come morning.”

At that, the group parted ways. Gentiana was to show Luna the guest room and retire for the night while Ignis was escorted to the Prince Oracle’s personal quarters. The advisor found it strange how Prince Noctis insisted on healing him instead of meeting Luna’s expectations of nightly conversations at a cozy cafe until morning came. What special interest did he have to gain from this? It had to go beyond the request of a friend.

“There’s another reason why I wanted to take you here,” Prince Noctis began as he helped Ignis to a chair.

“Why’s that?” Ignis inquired. He felt around for a table before removing his tinted spectacles.

“I want the first thing you see be Insomnia’s skyline. My room’s got the best view of the lights, sunrise to dusk. The Citadel’s got a life to it, activity, there’s noise, but it’s relaxing. I can stand over there by the balcony and if I distance myself long enough, sometimes I’llforget that I’m the Oracle and Crown Prince.”

Ignis blinked, it shouldn’t be so strange for a person to speak about his homeland especially if it’s a place he’s fond of, but to hear the Oracle rave about it enthusiastically felt uncharacteristic to the way the media portrayed him. Prince Noctis seemed like a normal person who genuinely loved his home.

“I spared you the possibility of running into more paintings of myself. I can share the gorgeous sights with you.”

“There are more paintings of your likeness…?”

“Yeah… Like a timeline. People think that sending paintings of me are the greatest gifts they could bestow and my old man keeps on accepting them. It’s not flattering, just annoying.” Prince Noctis groaned. “No paintings here though.”

“I see…” Ignis nodded pensively, mildly absorbing the facts and thinking back to the mark on the painting.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“What do you look like?”

The two men froze and Ignis felt the informal atmosphere that Noctis projected was instantly vacuumed into regions unknown. They had spoke at the same time, syllables clashed and then realizing that their questions strayed off to different tangents, fell silent. Ignis made a massive error, he had forgotten his place. Simply because he didn’t possess knowledge of other people’s faces didn’t mean he had to ask the Prince Oracle of his. Word would reach Luna’s ears that her advisor wasn’t mindful of his courtesies, his reputation and career ruined, he single-handedly besmirched House Fleuret’s good name.

“My apologies, Your Highness. I—” Ignis stammered.

“Noct.”

“What?”

“Noct. It’s just the two of us here.” The Oracle said, quietly. “Can you say my name?”

Ignis swallowed. “Noct…” It felt foreign on his tongue. It wasn’t just the name, it was a nickname.

“Ignis,” Noctis sounded appeased. “Want something to drink?”

“Water would be lovely, thank you,” Ignis felt as though he was being asphyxiated, reminding himself that it was common courtesy to address someone by their preference. But a hoarse “Your Highness” managed to slip out. He needed that water, Merciful Shiva.

“Noct.” Noctis reminded from the other end of the room. He returned with a chilled bottle of water and Ignis downed a gulp. “So… You want to know what I look like?”

“N-no, nothing like that…” Ignis was in a barren desert and all the water in the oasis cannot rid him of his dry throat. “How would you describe yourself?” Just what about the Prince Oracle caused damsels’ hearts to race and devout followers’ tones to change? Why would he desecrate a self-portrait?

“Wanna touch my face and tell me how you’d put it? I can’t be held responsible if you get nightmares.”

“Well, I hardly think I’ll have nightmares. I don’t scare easily.” Ignis replied with an upward a curl of his lips, hearing Noctis move closer. A light, but pleasant citrus musk wafted, it must’ve been the man’s cologne.

“Only giving you a fair warning.” The Oracle replied lightly, a tease in his voice. “Here.” Fingers pulled at his gloves before they paused. “Uh, do you mind?” Noctis asked, a bit embarrassed.

Ignis had forgotten he had been wearing them. He almost never removed the gloves so the barrier was easy to brush off and placed in the back burner of his mind.

“No, I don’t.”

Softly, Noctis peeled them off, holding Ignis’ hands in his before carefully raising them.

Ignis followed the movement and reached out. The first contact was like ice. He must have made a face because Noctis’ voice was low, suddenly intimidated but he made no effort to pull away.

“Sorry, I run cold these days.” Noctis apologized as Ignis traced the delicate cheekbones. Hair brushed against his inquisitive knuckles. So young and dare Ignis note to himself, handsome. “I think… it’s because healing takes so much out of me. Someone told me it’s like laying on the grass on a midsummer’s day when they receive my healing.”

Ignis paused on Noctis’ chin, daring not to laid his fingertips on his lips. He found himself drawn to this man, wanting to hear more. “What does it feel like to you?” He questioned, curiosity winning out. “What sensation do you feel in return?”

Noctis’ answer was somber. “Like I’m caught in a never-ending blizzard.” His jaw clenched slightly.

“I’m sorry.” The response was lame but it was all Ignis could think to say.

Cold hands clasped his, Noctis had removed his own gloves, and the two men were forehead to forehead. The familiar caress had the advisor breathing lightly.

“Don’t be, I feel like I’m starting to warm up to you…” Elegant hands cradled Ignis’ face. “I’m ready. Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Blessed stars… Kings of Lucis… Oracles of Yore…” Noctis projected his essence into the calling, voice detached and weightless in a request, “Please guide me.”

Behind atrophied and ruined eyes, Ignis detected two rings of gold light, nimbi around gray clouds, hovering over his face. The Prince Oracle’s hands carried a wonderful low-pitched hum. When the former moved them, the volume changed, like bells tolling in the distance, sending pleasurable sensations to the latter’s scalp and entire body. Ignis felt himself enveloped in warmth and understood what Noctis meant about the feeling. Above him, Noctis was muttering sacred passages, but nothing that the advisor could make out, a dead language in a hushed tone. Ignis’ eyelids fluttered, the amiable presence was soothing, warmth permeated his chest, and he nuzzled against the Oracle’s forehead.

A warm breeze, much like the emergence of Tenebrae’s summer solstice, captivated Ignis. This presence lulled him and lowered his defenses, allowing Ignis to bask in this heat he couldn’t see…

“You can talk,” Noctis ceased his indecipherable prayers, addressing Ignis normally. “It’s kinda weird if we stay quiet the entire time.” He chuckled. “Or you can sleep. Last guy I healed snored if you can believe it.”

Ignis blinked at the comment, slow to reach back into himself to gather a response. Words seemed few and far in-between but Noctis sounded like he wanted  something other than silence, so Ignis obliged.

“What would you like to discuss?” He questioned softly, honestly not sure his level of skill was on par with the Oracle, Luna would call him foolish, but outside customs and rules, Ignis knew little, and Noctis hardly seemed the type for either, if Ignis was being brutally honest.

There was a low humming, from Noctis this time, contemplative of the proposed question. “How about… you?” He said like it had been the obvious choice all along, Ignis flushed and felt Noctis forehead move against his own.

“Me? I’m hardly a topic of interest in conversations.” Ignis said lowly. He felt a heat pool in his stomach, continuing up to his chest, to his neck and stopping at his eyes as Noctis shuttered and breathed out, pushing the energy to a low simmer under his skin.

“Don’t sell yourself short. Luna thinks very highly of you. I’d just want to hear it from your mouth.”

Ignis snorted. “I’m not going to wax poetry about myself.”

Noctis chuckled, “There are other things I’d like to hear come from your mouth.”Ignis’ lips suddenly felt hotter than anything as he pursed them.

“Are you this brazen with everyone?” He whispered, horribly unnerved at how easy it would be to touch lips to Noctis’.

“Only with cute guys who wander in and feel up paintings.” The Oracle teased.

“C-cute?” Ignis repeated. “I wasn’t feeling up your painting, I was simply—” No, correcting that he was admiring the artwork wouldn’t have made a difference either way. He wasn’t certain if the Prince Oracle was either refreshing or downright frustrating. “If you’re curious, I suppose I’ll tell you.” He paused for a moment before speaking, “I hail from a hamlet in Tenebrae. Being that I was the only son, my parents wished a better future for me than to become a carpenter. My uncle used his connections within the royal castle to enroll me in a special program. I was considered gifted at a young age and given an important task to serve Lady Lunafreya. I was to be chamberlain of the household. Then…” He swallowed, his tone low, “Lunafreya allowed me to pursue a higher education despite my disability. Her encouragement led me to where I am today.”

“Made top of your class with honors and Luna still fights off nobles who are interested in you.” Noctis stated. “But what do you do for fun? Got any hobbies?”

Ignis wanted to turn away but he couldn’t. His wide eyes stared to nothing, but an awfully inquisitive shadow.

“Come on, Ignis, tell me.” Noctis said quietly, voice turning intimate.

Ignis let out a breath. What did he have to lose at the admission? “I had… at one point envisioned myself as a chef. It was silly given my upbringing but the idea appealed to me. Maybe it was one of my childhood aspirations at one point. Mind you, it was easier to concoct meals that weren’t too complicated in preparation.” The advisor chuckled darkly, “But as chamberlain and retainer, I couldn’t be lax in duty so I memorized recipes no matter how difficult they were. I was told that my dishes are quite delectable.”

“I really want to kiss you.”

Ignis jumped, head slamming into Noctis’. The Oracle’s hands came up and clasped his shoulders loosely.

“Sorry, sorry, a bit too much.” Ignis relaxed and sat back down. “You’re just too perfect… Can I ask you something crazy?”

“I don’t think I want to kiss you right now, to be perfectly honest.” Ignis said bluntly.

Noctis laughed, “I know, I was being a bit much, but that wasn’t it. Will you let me taste something you cook after this?”

Ignis blinked. “I… hadn’t thought of the first thing to do after I’m healed, but yes… If you think you’ll enjoy something mediocre. What would you like me to make?”

“I like pastries.” Noctis said, sounding a bit shy, his hand swept over Ignis’ brow.

“A sweet tooth. Who would’ve have known? Given your forwardness, spicy food might be something of your preference.”

“Well, spicy food is a close second.” Noctis cleared his throat. “No, last time I was in Tenebrae, I had these amazing desserts, but I forgot what they’re called.”

“Hmm… Tenebrae is renowned for many things, not limited to its cuisine. You want me to recreate these pastries for you?”

“If you can. I mean, you’re from there so I thought maybe…”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Ignis promised. He once baked cookies and cakes for Luna in the past, simple but edible things that the princess cooed over their sizes. That was before her taste buds for sweets had changed and Ignis ceased baking accordingly. “What are your hobbies, Noct?”

“Fishing. When I can. There’s not much open land in Lucis, you know. Ravus taught me.” Noctis sighed. “There was this lake and my dad wheeled me over and we sat on the pier all day.” Noctis smiled, his voice fond, “He was probably bored because I wasn’t at good at it. But instead of making me release the small fish, he let me take them home as pets.” He paused, quietly adding, “I’d like to go back to that lake someday.”

Something wet hit Ignis’ face.

“Sorry. Yeesh, this is embarrassing.” Noctis’ voice was light but it wobbled at the end. Ignis reached up the face, trailing his hand up the Crown Prince’s cheek.

“It’s all right to miss something.” Ignis said, gently.

“It’s just a fishing spot.” The other man argued weakly.

“It was where you and your father found peace for a time.”

“It was nice,” Noctis confided, “When I was chosen to be the Oracle, it was hard. But when I saw that look of relief on someone’s face after I performed a ritual, it was worth it, you know? But I can’t help everyone. Things just went out of my control. We’re taught, the end… it’s peaceful. The Six welcome you with open arms and you’re happy… I don’t believe it and I don’t think I ever will.” Noctis whispered, like it was a shocking secret, for an Oracle, Ignis supposed it was. “But… for the people that I couldn’t save, I want to believe it.”

That sort of belief, Ignis thought, is what made Noctis a great Oracle, a belief for someone else’s happiness even when your own was waning.

Silence settled between the two men for what almost felt like an eternity. “This is coming along great,” Noctis assured. “I can almost taste those pastries.”

“Is that all you’re looking forward to?”

“I told you, I can’t wait for you to see Insomnia. Maybe I’ll give you and Luna the grand tour while I still have you. Anything you want to see, you’ll get.”

“Noct?”

“Yeah?”

“Will I be able to look at my face?”

“Yup,” Noctis sounded perplexed by the question. “I mean, you should.”

Ignis shook his head. The Prince Oracle misunderstood so he asked a different question, the young man talked so much about recovering the advisor’s sight but nothing else. “My scars… would remain after this, won’t they?” A forced laugh pushed past his lips. “I’m told that they’re a frightening sight to behold.”

“What? Really?” Ignis was surprised Noctis’ voice held only shock.

Ignis’ lips twisted bitterly. “They must’ve disturbed you considerably when you approached me.”

“Touch.” Noctis said.

“Pardon?”

“My first reaction was to touch them. They’re very attractive…” His voice got quiet. “Is that morbid? You just… You’re so attractive. I can’t imagine how you looked before but I don’t really want to. The scars, they’re part of you and proof that you’re alive. Especially the one on your lip…” Noctis’ voice droned off with a sigh.

Ignis has never quite gotten that reaction, it was usually pity or sympathy though not often expressed in words, it was in their tone that soured the conversations. It got a bit exhausting to feel people’s stares, his glasses could only cover so much after all.

“They make you look… I dunno, striking? Powerful?” Noctis hummed, “It’s hard to describe. Your eyes are a beautiful green, a bit pale but boy, do they shine.”

“Ah yes, a milky film over green, lovely.” Ignis sneered, he’d been a told of that as well, it made him a bit queasy the first time it had be described to him.

“Whoever told you about your looks must have been jealous, Specs. You’re a vision.”

Ignis woke up lying on something soft, no longer sitting upright like he was in the chair. A bed. He didn’t recall ever falling asleep nor walking to a bed. Did it mean that the healing was complete? He dared to open his eyes, exhaustion fought at his lids and instead of seeing endless darkness, he saw dawn broke.

Soft rays of light peeked over skyscrapers and the sky was blushed with an array of radiant colors, colors that had served no purpose to Ignis for he had forgotten, save for gold and black. Daylight would soon bathe the streets of the Prince Oracle’s homeland. What seemed like absolute darkness was of the past and it permeated deep to his core. Noctis was right, Insomnia was breathtaking.

As he let the moment sink in and cherished the first sight in twelve years, fire embraced the space between his shoulder blades. Ignis rolled over.

A man’s raven locks were messily sprawled out over a pillow and delicately framed his svelte face. His black button-down shirt and white trousers were chaotically wrinkled by a poor sleeping position. Serenity and incandescence was about this man, no longer a silhouette but just the man in peaceful slumber. Ignis’ breath hitched in his throat and couldn’t help but be enraptured. He was stunning, possessing an almost otherworldly beauty. Ignis found himself questioning if this man was the savior who reclaimed his sight, that with his infernal mannerisms yet retain an air of modesty. This was Noctis.

But trepidation made the advisor’s heart uneasy. He sat up. Noctis’ complexion was flushed, splotchy and his slender brow was knitted in discomfort. Ignis’ hand pushed past the damp hair and rested on Noctis’ forehead. The advisor placed the other hand on his own. Noctis was running a fever.

“Feels good…” Noctis groaned, his eyelids fluttered, revealing stellar blue eyes as smoldering and subtle as open flames. “Morning, how you feeling?” His voice was groggy and slurred as he leaned in the advisor’s hand.

Ignis dropped his hand but swept at the Prince Oracle’s hair. “You’re burning up.” He murmured. “You said healing makes you cold.”

“Told you,” Noctis said through a sheepish grin as he closed his eyes. “Something about you… Burns me up.”

[thisdaynews]

At a rally like no other, Trump woos Indian American voters ahead of 2020

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/at-a-rally-like-no-other-trump-woos-indian-american-voters-ahead-of-2020/

At a rally like no other, Trump woos Indian American voters ahead of 2020

Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi and President Donald Trump at Sunday’s “Howdy, Modi” event. | Michael Wyke/AP Photo

2020 elections

The president tried to appeal to the growing political force at a huge ‘Howdy, Modi’ event with India’s popular leader.

HOUSTON — It wasn’t your typical Trump campaign rally.

Instead of red Make America Great Again hats, there were turbans and Islamic caps. Women in traditional Indian garb danced to drums. And tens of thousands of cheering Indian Americans chanted “USA!” and snapped photos.

Story Continued Below

President Donald Trump appeared at a cavernous football stadium on Sunday alongside Narendra Modi, the popular prime minister of India, who attracted a crowd of 50,000 from across the U.S. to what was touted as the largest event in the country for a leader of foreign country.

“You have never had a better friend as president than President Donald Trump,” Trump said as the crowd roared with approval. “We thank you. We love you. I want you to know my administration is fighting for you each and every day.”

Trump is hoping to appeal to Indian American voters, a growing political force in the U.S., with his business-friendly agenda — especially the 2017 tax cuts — as well as his tough talk on terrorism and his decision to show up at the rally even though the ethnic group has generally backed Democrats.

“It’s giving a message to the Indian community that Trump is a big friend of India,” said Rupesh Srivastava, a Michigan businessman and founding member of the Republican Hindu Coalition. “That message will definitely motivate people.”

At the rally, Modi heaped praise on Trump, calling him “a great American president” and “a friend of India” who has a “strong resolve to make America great again.”

“His name is familiar to every person on the planet,” Modi said. “He was a household name and very popular even before went onto occupy the highest office in this great country … from CEO to commander in chief, from the boardroom to the Oval Office, from studio to the global stage. … He has left a deep and lasting impact everywhere.”

Trump, wearing his trademark dark suit and red tie, stood a few feet away in the middle of the stage, smiling broadly and surveying the stadium full of adoring fans.

Republicans have been trying for years to make inroads with Indian Americans, one of the fastest-growing ethnic groups in the United States, who register and vote at high rates.

The Republican National Committee is holding events for Asian Americans, including voter drives, has appointed a director of Asian Pacific American Engagement and stresses the record low Asian American unemployment rate of 2.1 percent.

“These are your Indian American hotel owners, they’re your Indian American doctors, maybe retired doctors, who frankly like some of the president’s policies, right?” said Ohio state Rep. Niraj Antani, an Indian American Republican. “We are the most highly educated, highest-earning ethnic group in the country, so when we are talking about pro-growth policies, Republican policies work for them.”

Still, more than 80 percent of Indian Americans voted for Hillary Clinton, the Democratic nominee, over Trump in 2016, according to polling by the Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund.

Trump’s reelection campaign is expected to forgo an official Asian American coalition in lieu of those for blacks, women, Hispanics andworkers, according to people familiar with the plans — though a campaign official disputed it.

“We have only officially launched two of what will be an unspecified number of coalitions, so it would be incorrect and premature to suggest we don’t have a certain coalition at this point,” the official said.

Some Indian Americans, whose families came to the United States legally to study or work, don’t mind Trump’s rhetoric on immigration because it’s primarily about illegal immigration, but others are turned off.

Trump’sjob approvalwith Indian Americans was only 28 percent in 2018, according to the Asian American Voter Survey, a poll of registered Asian American voters. About 66 percent of respondents disapproved.

“If Republicans believe Donald Trump’s appearance with Prime Minister Modi will move our community towards the president, they’re sadly mistaken,” said North Carolina state Sen. Jay Chaudhuri, an Indian American Democrat. “In 2020, I believe the Indian American community will overwhelming reject Donald Trump because his anti-immigrant rhetoric and policies run completely counter to our community’s story in America.”

Trump delighted — and surprised — Indian Americans when the White House recently announced that he would join Modi at “Howdy, Modi: Shared Dreams Bright Features” at NRG Stadium, home to the National Football League’s Houston Texans. Modi invited Trump to attend the rally — in the most diverse city in the nation — when the two leaders met at the G-7 summit in France in August.

“I’m very close to the folks from India,” the president told reporters on Sunday. “I love India, and I have a lot of respect and a great friendship with the prime minister of India, and he said, ‘Would it be possible to do it?’ And I said, ‘I’ll make it possible.’”

Trump may have agreed to attend to appease Modi after a tense few months between the two leaders, according to some observers of U.S.-India relations.

Trump kicked India out of a trade preference program for developing countries in March, and then infuriated Indians again in July by insisting that Modi asked him to mediate in the longstanding dispute between India and Pakistan over the region of Kashmir. But the two leaders now hope to finalize a limited trade deal later this week when they meet for a second time, on Tuesday during the United Nations General Assembly in New York.

Trump may also be fascinated by the popularity of Modi, who — like the president — rode to office on a wave of populist fury and launched a “Make in India” campaign. Trump previously commented on the number of Modi’s Twitter followers, and insinuated last week that the number of the Houston rally’s attendees grew because of him.

“He’s got a big crowd coming, and I guess the crowd just got a lot bigger because … he asked, would I go, and I will go,” he told reporters last week.

Houston’s Indian American community, consisting of roughly 150,000 people, lobbied Modi to visit after he announced that he would visit the U.S. All 50,000 tickets for the event were claimed in three weeks — before Trump announced he would attend, according to event organizers. Another 5,000 remained on a waiting list.

It took place in a state that long served as a Republican stronghold but where Democrats are making a play after their party saw significant gains in the 2018 midterm elections and following a series of GOP congressional retirements.

The rally, which was broadcast to millions of people on U.S. and Indian TV, included a cultural program, in addition to the speeches by Trump and Modi. Thousands of watch parties were organized across the U.S.

On the route to the stadium, protesters lined the streets with Kashmir flags and cutouts of Modi. Most were there to rally against the prime minister, whom they blame for ethnic violence and human rights abuses.

The first time he ran for office, Trump promised to work with Indian Americans. He spoke to 10,000 Hindus waving “Trump for Hindu Americans” signs at a Bollywood-themed event in Edison, N.J., home to athriving Indian community. “I am a big fan of Hindu, and I am a big fan of India,” Trump said awkwardly.

During that campaign, Illinois businessman Shalabh Kumar donated nearly $1 million to the joint fundraising campaign made up of Trump’s campaign and the Republican National Committee.

In 2016, about 1.2 million Indian American were registered to vote, according toAsian American and Pacific Islanders Data. Estimates put Indian American voter registration at 1.4 million in 2020.

After he got into office, Trump celebrated Diwali, the most important holiday for most Indians, and appointed Indian Americans to numerous high-ranking positions — Nikki Haley to ambassador to the United Nations; Seema Verma to administrator of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services; Neomi Rao to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit; and Ajit Pai to chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, among others

“Looking back to the 2016 election cycle, Donald Trump was the first candidate who stood on stage and said, ‘I loved Indians,’” said Adi Sathi, who served as director of Asian Pacific American Engagement at the Republican National Committee for two years. “That was unprecedented.”

Read More

[thechasefiles]

The Chase Files Daily Newscap 5/25/2018

Good Morning #realdreamchasers! Here is The Chase Files Daily News Cap for Friday, 25th May 2018. Remember that you can read full articles via subscribing to Nation News Online, purchasing a Weekend Nation Newspaper (WN), via Barbados Today (BT) or Barbados Government Information Services (BGIS).

MIA, BEES CREATE HISTORY – Mia Amor Mottley is now the Prime Minister-elect of Barbados. The Barbados Labour Party (BLP) leader and her team romped home to an unprecedented 30-nil victory at the polls last night, with a punishing defeat of the Democratic Labour Party (DLP). With the demolition, the long-serving MP will today write her name on history’s page when she is sworn in as the first female Prime Minister, joining a prestigious regional list including the late Dame Eugenia Charles (Dominica), the late Janet Jagan (Guyana), Portia Simpson Miller (Jamaica) and Kamla Persad-Bissessar (Trinidad and Tobago). The BLP’s poll party started just before midnight at its Roebuck Street, St Michael headquarters where thousands of supporters danced and sang throughout the wee hours of this morning, forcing police to block off the street to vehicular traffic. “This is not my victory. This is not the Labour Party’s victory. This is the people of Barbados’ victory,” Mottley told a jam-packed Roebuck Street in her victory speech, before thanking her family, campaign manager Jerome Walcott, and consultants Dr Clyde Mascoll and Lucille Moe for the sacrifices they made in the campaign. At around 3:40 a.m., Mottley officially acknowledged the concession speech of outgoing Prime Minister Freundel Stuart. She had earlier in the night cemented her personal victory in the St Michael North East constituency, easily beating former MP for Bridgetown, Patrick Todd. But this was a party win all the way, with the DLP amazingly losing in its major stronghold, St John, for the first time since it had been contesting that seat in 1958, and other powerhouse constituencies such as St Philip North, St Philip West, St Michael North West and St Lucy. For the three-week campaign there had been noticeably heavy support for the Bees at political meetings, and that manifested in former MPs such as Michael Lashley, Dr David Estwick, Chris Sinckler, Ronald Jones and Denis Kellman, all comfortable winners last time out in 2013, becoming victims of a massive national swing. A humble Mottley thanked Barbados for the historic win, which became clear just after midnight, after the late arrival of numerous special ballot boxes at polling stations across the island. “I have seen in my colleagues a level of commitment and sacrifice,” she added, while paying special tribute to party chairman George Payne for helping show the unity developed in the Best For Barbados team which included 20 new candidates. “There should be no time for gloating. We are all one people. We are Barbadians,” she said to loud applause. “We will need many hands to help make light work. We will rebuild Barbados together. “We have to get to the task immediately,” Mottley said, adding mission No. 1 was to reduce the fiscal deficit, and that she wanted a Cabinet in place by Monday. Stuart signalled his retirement from elective politics, but indicated the Dems would definitely bounce back. “We suffered a similar defeat in 1999. We rebounded from that and I expect us to rebound from this,” he said around 3:15 a.m. in his concession speech. Stuart also accepted blame for the loss, saying it was on him “unequivocally”, but adding the DLP had more than enough talent to lead it back to elective prominence.  (WN)

ALL O DEM GONE - “I take full responsibility for the defeat.” These were the words of a clearly deflated Prime Minister Freundel Stuart as he pondered the overwhelming defeat of his Democratic Labour Party (DLP) at the polls yesterday. Standing virtually alone on stage at the DLP’s George Street headquarters in the early hours of this morning, a clearly dejected Stuart accepted blame for the crushing loss in which not one DLP member retained a seat. Speaking in a low tone and with none of the defeated DLP candidates in sight, Stuart maintained his party had put up a fight, but he conceded: “Those performances were not outstanding enough if one is to draw any conclusions from the results one has heard so far. “To persuade the electorate that the Democratic Labour Party should be re-elected to office or that any of its candidates should be re-elected to the House of Assembly, that is the nature of politics,” he added.  In apparent reference to his being left alone to face the music of defeat hours after, in virtually empty party headquarters, he said: “There is an old feature . . . that in campaigning whenever there is success, success is shared by all those who succeed and by those with whom they are associated. But when there is failure, failure points to one man.” However, he thanked the members of his party who had faced the polls for the “courage” they had shown in making themselves available to contest seats on behalf of the DLP and for their “outstanding performances throughout the campaign”. He told the media: “You can sometimes fail and we have to learn how to cope with both victory and defeat.” Stuart, 67, also said it was the end of his political career as a candidate, saying he had not planned to contest further elections, even before yesterday’s loss. He added, however, that he would still be “available to the party that has done so much for me, to participate in the rebuilding process”. (WN)

MOTTLEY WINS EASILY IN ST MICHAEL NORTH EAST – The Queen Bee still rules the hive of St Michael North East. Mia Mottley was moments ago officially declared as the duly elected representative for the constituency by returning officer Gwendolyn Bridgeman-Bushell at 2:45 a.m. Mottley easily took care of the three other candidates she faced in her seventh election, earning 4 553  votes to breeze past the Democratic Labour Party's Patrick Todd (500), 23-year-old first-timer Kemar Stuart (133) of Solutions Barbados, and Barbados Free Party member Enlou Frere (37). "Today is a good night," a beaming Mottley said on the steps of the counting centre at St Matthew's Primary after she was declared the winner. Mottley thanked her campaign team, noting that it was the first time in almost 29 years of elective politics she had been unable to properly traverse her constituency as she concentrated on the national campaign.  (WN)

SINCKLER OUSTED BY ROWE – First-timer Neil Rowe has wrested the seat of St Michael North West from two-time incumbent Chris Sinckler. He beat the ex-Minister of Finance 2 489 to 1 991 votes in Thursday’s poll. The victory was confirmed by returning Officer Charles Haynes and Rowe’s entourage gave him a cheer sure to be heard throughout St Michael North West. Rowe said his initial interaction with residents began three years ago and intensified once it was confirmed he would vie for the seat. Sinckler never made an appearance at the Ellerslie Secondary.   (WN)

HINKSON OVERWHELMED BY VICTORY – Tears came to the eyes of an "overwhelmed" Edmund Hinkson as he scored a resounding victory in St. James North this morning. Following an unusually long night of counting, Returning Officer Anthony Greaves declared Hinkson the winner at minutes to 4 a.m. The attorney at law trounced his three opponents, scoring 3 716 votes to the Democratic Labour Party's Harry Husbands. David Walrond of Solutions Barbados had 76 votes, while United Progressive Party candidate Grafton Cobham tallied 54 votes. "I am absolutely overwhelmed. I knew that we had put in the work over the last five years, that we had kept in touch with people, because that's what's politics is about," said a beaming Hinkson. "And I would never imagine that I would be standing here winning by 3 000 votes." (WN)

FORDE TAKES CHRIST CHURCH WEST CENTRAL – The people of Christ Church West Central have spoken. And resoundingly so. They surprised Adrian Forde with over 3 000 votes to incumbent Stephen Lashley's 1 100. He said while he was quietly confident he would win he thanked voters and supporters for believing in him. "I have to thank my team. They rallied with me. Christ Church West Central has been underrepresented for the past decade and I am aiming to remedy that." He said the constituents are proud to finally have a son of the soil represent them and he said after the celebrations at party headquarters this morning, he will be getting to work. Returning officer Walter Jones declared him the duly elected representative at 3:03 a.m. Forde, on the Barbados Labour Party ticket, garnered 3891 votes. Lashley, running on a Democratic Labour Party ticket, received 1 131 votes. Kenneth Lewis of Solutions Barbados got 170 and Ria Riley of UPP had 45. There were 15 rejected ballots.  (WN)

STRAUGHN STUNS JONES IN CHRIST CHURCH EAST CENTRAL – Ryan Straughn has done what no member of the Barbados Labour Party has managed to do for the past 15 years - unseat Ronald Jones from Christ Church East Central. Riding a massive wave of anti-DLP sentiment, the newcomer stunned the experienced campaigner, defeating him with a lopsided voter count of 4 062 to 1 334. Scott Weatherhead of Solutions Barbados and Ogeji Dottin of the United Progressive Party failed to make much of a dent, with voter scores of 217 and 93 respectively though Weatherhead consistently outscored Dottin. The constituency has been held by both the BLP and DLP, switching hands five times since 1981.  (WN)

GOODING-EDGHILL WINS BIG IN ST MICHAEL WEST CENTRAL – Returning officer for St Michael West Central Leonard Walters has officially declared the Barbados Labour Party's Ian Gooding-Edghill as the winner of the seat. The human resources director of Elegant Hotels amassed 3 291 ahead of incumbent of the Democratic Labour Party's James Paul who ended his campaign on 865 votes.  Solutions Barbados' Angela Edey ended on 125, while United Progressive Party's Herman Lowe managed 29, and Barbados Integrity Movement's Stephen Belgrave finished on 46. While no unauthorised persons were allowed on the compound of the Lawrence T Gay Primary School where ballots were being counted, a massive crowd began celebrating even before Gooding-Edghill was officially declared the winner. After the announcement, the soft spoken former senator described the victory as a humbling experience. As he greeted his supporters at the gates of the compound, they swarmed him and lifted him into the air as they paraded up and down Spooner’s Hill, before boarding their motorcade to head to the BLP’s Roebuck Street headquarters.  (WN)

CONTROVERSY OVER BALLOT BOXES – The Barbados Labour Party’s (BLP) Dr William Duguid claimed last night to have uncovered a plot to remove boxes from certain polling stations in Christ Church West. However, returning officer Wayne Taylor denied any knowledge of it, while Francis DePeiza, brother and election agent of Democratic Labour Party (DLP) candidate Verla DePeiza, said no box was ever missing or tampered with. An angry Duguid arrived at the counting station, Arthur Smith Primary School  in St Matthias, with his election agent, Roseann Parris, at 8 p.m. on board the Transport Board bus with the boxes. Last person He was the last person to disembark and told the media that Box ZA1, from the Barbados Council for the Disabled polling station, had been placed on a van from the Barbados Investment and Development Corporation (BIDC). “We were made aware that there was a plot to remove boxes from certain polling stations in Christ Church West. We had done our vigilance all throughout the constituency and I alerted all of my people that there was that intent. What happened then is that while I was here at the polling station at Arthur Smith, I got a call from one of my people that two boxes were on a BIDC van,” he charged. Duguid said he alerted Taylor. “He called and then it was confirmed that a box was indeed on a BIDC van. The box had to be taken off the van and the question is if the same box that went out on the van was the same box that came back to the station. We still are not sure.” Duguid, a dentist, also charged he had information that two other boxes – ZC3, which was at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and ZC2 in the Bonnetts Resource Centre – were also supposed to be removed. He said he then boarded the bus to the polling station. But DePeiza said box ZA1 was always accounted for. “Whatever the hyperbole surrounding the situation, I happened to be present at the ZA1 box at the close of polling at 6 o’clock, over at the Barbados Council for the Disabled. There may have been some miscommunication.  I cannot comment on it because it would be outside of my scope, but while I was there, the box that I saw never went missing,” he explained. DePeiza said there were two ballot boxes in separate rooms and while officials from the Electoral and Boundaries Commission were going about their duties at the close of the poll, one box was completed ahead of the other.  “The box, I have been made to understand, is the source of some controversy. I can certainly say that none of the boxes at that location were ever out of the eyesight of my agents.” Depeiza added that if a box was not placed on the bus, “that may not be through any fault of the officers. “The security of that box was never compromised. It was never out of the possession of the Electoral and Boundaries officer who had custody of it,” he said. He also confirmed he had seen the box “and the seal of the box and there is no question that it has not been compromised”. DePeiza said he was satisfied “that we still do have peaceful and fair elections and I am satisfied that the electoral process has triumphed”. (WN)

SCHOOLS CLOSED, BUSINESSES TO CLOSE AT 1 – No school today and businesses will close at 1 p.m. This is the word from Prime Minister designate Mia Mottley. Giving her victory speech from the Barbados Labour Party headquarters, in Roebuck Street, St Michael, Mottley made the declaration to the delight of the party faithful assembled. (WN)

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[sherristockman]

Why Sleeping Less Than Seven Hours a Night Is a Recipe for Ill Health and a Shortened Life Span Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola In the featured video, Joe Rogan interviews professor Matthew Walker, Ph.D., founder and director of the University of California Berkeley’s Center for Human Sleep Science and author of the book "Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreams,"1 in which he shares the latest discoveries about sleep and how it impacts virtually every area of your physical and mental health. I read Walker’s book last fall, and share his view that sleep is profoundly important — even more important than diet and exercise. After all, you’re not likely to reap maximum rewards from other healthy lifestyle habits if you’re constantly exhausted. Beyond that, lack of sleep has been shown to raise your risk for chronic illnesses such as dementia, cancer, diabetes, heart disease and obesity. In fact, the World Health Organization has tagged shift work as a “probable human carcinogen” because it causes circadian disruption.2 Lack of sleep is also associated with shorter lifespans. Like Walker, I believe getting quality sleep, and enough of it, is the single most effective thing you can do to reset your brain and body and invigorate your health on a daily basis. Sleep Deprivation Is a Form of Self Abuse There are many reasons why you may sleep poorly, and one may simply be related to your mindset. Many, especially in the U.S., still view lack of sleep as a badge of honor — a sign of drive, ambition and achievement at the expense of sleep. Worse, good sleep is often characterized as a sign of sloth. As noted by Walker in one of his lectures,3 “We want to seem busy, and one way we express that is by proclaiming how little sleep we’re getting. It’s time for us to reclaim our right to a full night of sleep, without embarrassment or the stigma of laziness. In doing so, we may remember what it feels like to truly be awake during the day.” According to Walker, “Humans are the only species that deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent reason,” and based on his studies, he is convinced no one can make it on five hours or less of sleep without suffering some level of short-term impairment or long-term illness. There’s an exceptionally rare genetic mutation known as advanced phase sleep syndrome that allows some to thrive with minimal sleep, but you’re far more likely to be struck by lightning than have this rare genetic mutation. Rogan and Walker also discuss more acute symptoms of sleep deprivation. This includes wild hallucinations, sometimes reported by ultra-marathoners and others who for various reasons have attempted to go without sleep for extended periods of time. As an example, Walker recounts the story of Peter Tripp, a disc jockey who, in 1959, tried to break the world record for sleeplessness. He stayed awake for eight days straight, doing a continuous broadcast from Times Square. “By Day Three, he was having florid delusions and hallucinations,” Walker says. “He was seeing spiders in his shoes; he became desperately paranoid, thinking people were trying to poison him … “ He also became belligerent and abusive toward everyone around him. “He was clearly psychotic,” one of the attending psychiatrists said. His experiment is detailed in the short video below. How and Why Sleep Deprivation Can Trigger Psychosis In a very real sense, when you forgo sleep for extended periods of time, you begin to dream while awake — hence the delusions and hallucinations. Rapid eye movement (REM) sleep is a 90-minute deep sleep cycle during which you dream. Tripp’s experiment revealed that even though he was awake — walking around and talking — his brainwaves showed he was asleep, and it was during the REM cycles that he was most likely to hallucinate. Essentially, he was experiencing his nightmares in an awake state. Tripp finally went to bed after remaining awake for 201 consecutive hours, and slept for 24 hours. Upon waking, there were no signs of delusions and Tripp reported feeling quite normal. His wife, however, disagreed, saying he’d changed. The couple eventually got divorced. The attending psychiatrists also agree that after his experiment, his personality had changed, and that the change appeared to be permanent. He was no longer as cheerful and easygoing as he’d been before. Arguments with his boss led to the loss of his job as well. Those who knew him best insist those eight days of sleep deprivation damaged his psyche long-term. Parts of Your Brain Become More Active During Sleep As explained by Walker, your brain doesn’t shut down during sleep. Quite the contrary. While some parts are subdued, other parts become far more active than during wakefulness. During REM sleep, the visual, motor/kinesthetic, emotional and memory centers all ramp up their activity. Meanwhile, activity in your prefrontal cortex — the “CEO of the brain” that rules rationality and logical thinking — decreases. This is why dreams can be so visually and kinesthetically powerful, sucking you into a vortex of emotion while simultaneously being completely irrational and illogical. And, when you are sleep deprived, this “dreaming while awake” state can start to seep through, as it did in Tripp’s experiment. Indeed, studies have shown skimping on sleep is a surefire way to lose emotional control, become more emotionally volatile — and more irrational. If you frequently feel emotionally off-kilter or struggle with a short fuse, chances are you might manage your emotions a whole lot better were you to get more sleep on a nightly basis. Walker also cites research showing there’s a dramatic difference in injury rates between those who sleep enough and those who don’t. Athletes who get just five hours of sleep have a 60 percent higher injury rate than those who get nine hours. Five Common Enemies of Sleep Walker defines sleep deprivation as sleeping less than seven hours a night,4 and statistics show half of all American adults fail to get the recommended eight hours of sleep each night. An estimated 1 in 3 is getting six hours of sleep or less per night. According to a Gallup Poll,5 Americans slept an average of 7.9 hours a night in 1942. Today, the average is six hours and 31 minutes, Walker says, adding, “That means there’s a huge swath of people well below that average.” Walker also notes that “One of the big problems with lack of sleep is that you don’t know you’re sleep deprived when you’re sleep deprived! Your subjective sense of how well you’re doing with a lack of sleep is a miserable predictor for how you’re doing objectively.” So, with sleep deprivation being so rampant, what’s the cause? Walker pins the blame for our consistently declining slumber patterns on the following “enemies of sleep:” Alcohol and caffeine: These and other substances, such as sleeping pills, interfere with sleep quality and sleep time Artificial lighting: We have effectively electrified the night, and light at night damages your health by degrading your sleep Loneliness, anxiety and depression: The longing for connection and the effects of mental illness can often interfere with or cause people to forego sleep Long work hours: The international business environment, increased global competition and longer commuter times are just a few of the factors contributing to the increase in work hours and stress-related burnout Overcommitment: Schedules are filled from morning to night, and many people are unwilling to trade entertainment or socializing with family and friends for sleep When asked by The Guardian if he takes his own advice about sleep, Walker replied:6 “I give myself a nonnegotiable eight-hour sleep opportunity every night, and I keep very regular hours. If there is one thing I tell people, it’s to go to bed and to wake up at the same time every day, no matter what. I take my sleep incredibly seriously because I have seen the evidence. Once you know that after just one night of only four or five hours of sleep, your natural killer cells — the ones that attack the cancer cells that appear in your body every day — drop by 70 percent, or that a lack of sleep is linked to cancer of the bowel, prostate and breast … how could you do anything else?” Simple Sleep Hacks to Improve Your Sleep As noted by Walker, there are a number of ways to “hack” your biology to improve your sleep. Following are some of his favorites. For many more, see “Sleep — Why You Need It and 50 Ways to improve It.” • Keep a regular sleep schedule seven days a week. Go to bed and wake up at the same times each day, even on the weekends. This will help your body to get into a sleep rhythm and make it easier to fall asleep and get up in the morning. To this, I would add getting bright sunlight exposure in the morning and for at least a half-hour to an hour right around noon, to help reset your circadian clock. • Avoid bright lights and minimize use of electronics in the evening. Both bright lights and electronic screens are major sleep thieves, robbing you of the ability to fall asleep quickly. Research has shown that the more time you spend on electronic devices during the day, and especially at night, the longer it takes to fall asleep and the less sleep you get overall.7,8 Walker suggests dimming the lights in your room and reading a book rather than watching TV or using electronics before bed. If you must use electronics in the evening, I recommend installing blue-blocking software such as Iris, or use blue blocking glasses. • Make sure your bedroom is cool enough. Studies show the optimal room temperature for sleep is between 60 to 68 degrees F. Keeping your room cooler or hotter can lead to restless sleep. When you sleep, your body’s internal temperature drops to its lowest level, generally about four hours after you fall asleep. A cooler bedroom mimics this natural temperature drop. Sleeping naked can also help. • Keep your feet warm. While your body needs to be cool, your extremities need to stay warm for optimal sleep. At least one study has shown that wearing socks to bed reduces night waking. • Take a hot bath or sauna before bed. When your body temperature is raised in the late evening, it will fall at bedtime, facilitating sleep. The core body temperature drop that occurs when you exit the bath signals your body it’s time for bed. Beware of Electric and Electromagnetic Fields Based on the research I’ve done, I believe eliminating electric and electromagnetic fields (EMFs) in your bedroom is a really important factor that can improve both your quantity and quality of sleep. EMFs have the ability to disrupt your pineal gland’s production of melatonin and serotonin, and are a significant contributor to mitochondrial damage and dysfunction, which is at the heart of virtually all chronic disease. EMF exposure has also been linked to neuronal changes that affect memory and your ability to learn.9 EMFs harm your body’s mitochondria by producing excessive oxidative damage, so “marinating” in EMFs all night, every night, can cause or contribute to virtually any chronic ailment, including premature aging. Ideally, shut down the electricity to your bedroom by pulling your circuit breaker before bed. Also be sure to shut down your Wi-Fi. Keep in mind that even if you completely shut off the electricity in your bedroom, your room may still be electrified. This is what happened to me, and when I used sophisticated body voltage measurements I was able to detect this. This is a result of electrical fields (not electricity) transferred into your home by the electric utility and spreading in your home. This can be remediated using certain kinds of shielding paint that is then grounded to form a Faraday cage, which stops the fields from entering your bedroom. Should You Use Melatonin? Rogan asks Walker about the use of melatonin. Is it advisable to use melatonin if you’re having a hard time falling asleep? Walker recommends the use of melatonin to resynchronize your circadian clock when traveling between time zones. “You can use melatonin strategically for jet lag,” he says. “Once, however, you are stable within the new time zone, melatonin does not seem to be efficacious for healthier sleep … But if it works for you — no harm, no foul. Keep taking it.” Ideally, it is best to increase your melatonin level naturally, which is achieved by exposing yourself to bright sunlight in the daytime (along with full spectrum fluorescent bulbs in the winter) and complete darkness at night. If that fails or isn’t possible, I’d suggest trying a 5-HTP, which I believe is a superior approach to using melatonin, especially if you’re older. 5-HTP is a hydroxylated form of tryptophan that easily passes your blood brain barrier. Your body converts 5-HTP first into serotonin (which may give your mood a boost), and then into melatonin. In one study, an amino acid preparation containing both GABA (a calming neurotransmitter) and 5-HTP reduced time to fall asleep, increased the duration of sleep and improved sleep quality.10 You can also take some magnesium malate or glycinate before bed to increase body relaxation. Cannabidiol (CBD) oil is yet another option. CBD oil not only helps reduce pain and muscle spasms, which may keep you awake, but also promotes general relaxation and has been shown to improve sleep. To Optimize Your Health, Make Sure You Get Enough Sleep Regardless of the reason for your sleeplessness, research linking chronic poor sleep and lack of sleep to disease and illness cannot be ignored. Research (cited by Walker) has shown that a single night of sleeping just four hours lowered the amount of natural killer cells — powerful immune fighters that target malignant cells — by 70 percent. In other words, a single night of sleep deprivation throws you into what Walker calls “a remarkable state of immune deficiency” that raises the risk that cancer cells will multiply in your body. Additionally, each spring, when we lose an hour of sleep due to the switchover to daylight saving time, there’s a 24 percent increase in heart attacks — and that’s from the loss of a single hour. In the fall, when we gain an hour of sleep, there’s a 21 percent decrease in heart attacks. “That’s how fragile and vulnerable your body is to even just the smallest [change in] sleep,” Walker says. Sleeping just six hours a night for seven days straight has even been shown to distort gene activity. Genes related to immune function were switched off, while genes related to tumors, chronic inflammation and stress were overexpressed. The scientific facts underscore my belief that there is no substitute for, nor any excuse for not getting, a full night’s rest. If you think you “don’t have the time” to sleep for seven or eight hours because you have too much work on your plate, think again. As noted by Walker, “Why do we overvalue workers that undervalue sleep?” The fact is, sleeping less does not equate to greater productivity. In fact, the complete opposite is true. When you’re working on an inadequate amount of sleep, attention, logic, efficiency and productivity go down the drain and emotional reactivity goes up. Given its importance, I encourage you to take a few moments today to evaluate your sleep habits. Are you getting enough sleep? If not, what’s one change you can make to improve the length and/or quality of your sleep? If you need help getting started, check out my 16 Chronological Tips to Improve Your Sleep, or read through “Sleep — Why You Need It and 50 Ways to improve It,” hyperlinked earlier.