#I FEEL SO FUCKIGN BAD FOR WHAT I NEED TO DO BECAUSE E IS A BITCH

[daimonhalos]

Appreciation post for the eggpire and more during the red banquet cause I'm not seeing enough love for how well they organized and delivered and because I'm so proud of cc!Bad for how far the Bloodvines arc has gone ♥ (this stuff is from Bad's vod btw)

Also something to cheer people up a bit in case the lore got u hard like it got me cause I'm still not okay bestie <3

The starting soon screen being an animation (with glitches to show another frame!!) plus the jazzy electro-swing soundtrack underneath. Just such a good intro, I felt like I was actually in the waiting line for an event, just awesome.

Ponk. Just Ponk, dapper man, handsome Ponk just standing there. Gorgeous, thank you, standing ovation, I love him.

Just everything Bad and Ant did with the building of the room, the stairs!! The coat room!!! The statues right in front of the table, everything looked SO pretty.

ANT MY BELOVED LOOKING HANDSOME AS ALWAYS I just loved all their outfits. The banquet's skins just SLAPPED HARD.

The little moment where Bad changed view of his character and we could see him, Ant and Ponk cwc

Bad singing >>>>>>>>>>

Everyone getting lost despite the oak signs

THE ARC ABOVE THE DANCEFLOOR, WHAT THE HELL YOO

Bad complimenting everyone on their outfits and giving out some gapples here and there

Bad also always repeating the same catchphrases

Sam just drinking copiously and the dumpy situation

People actually dancing + HBomb being the dj

Puffy walking around Bad to see his outfit and complimenting him, just felt like their old friendship cwc

FOOLISH GAVE BAD A FLOWER <3

Bad scolding George for not wearing an outfit (Sam's "his name is Gogy and he is beautiful")

"It's almost time for the feast. It's gonna be delicious." the foreshadowing

Everyone dancing together cwc

"minecraft dancing is speed squats" eret ilu

Bad and Ant complimenting moment ♥

The eggpire all on the same side of the table. Them

Ponk's little "Hello!" after Bad said he made the soup, plus everyone going "good job!!" just twt

When Bad started asking if anyone wanted to give a toast, I realized eventually that this was more of a disguised "Want to say your last words before death?" and it now sounds s o freaking cool. ye s

P O N K 'S S P E E C H

"you look beautiful right now" sam i will cry

When in the middle of his speech, Bad turns to Ant who's already looking at him, nods, Ant nods back, and as Bad turns around again we can see Ant walking away from his seat. I am OBSESSED with this scene, like you already know something is about to go down and oh gosh it was delivered so good

THE LAVA COMING DOWN FROM THE CEILING AS BAD KEPT TALKING, NONE NOTICING, HIM TALKING ABOUT HOW THE BANQUET WILL BE UNFORGETTABLE. SO HOT

"And yeah! Thank you for coming everybody" the little mischievous giggles right after "And prepare uh ... yep. Prepare to die." AND THEN HE FUCKIGN DRINKS FROM HIS GLASS LIKE COME ON YOU CANT BE ANY COOLER THAN THAT YOOO

"The leaf is staying the way it is" you can hear the laughter in his voice like HAH GOTTEM that's so good

Bad still giving Hbomb gapples cwc

"Where you looking for this perchance?" AND THEN EQUIPS THE ENTIRE ARMOR AND WEAPONS E Y E when the twists started dude. this si where the twists started and never ended

HANNAH CROSSING SIDES AND SIDING WITH THE EGGPIRE. QUEEN SHIT that was such a cool moment for her i'm so glad she's getting her moment

The eggpire laughing, just pure villainy, love them

"Time to get on the main event" the nonchalance. The way they equipped the crossbows and readied the arrows at the same time. B r u h fucking awesome they are

The eggpire faking being afraid when Sam was talking about blowing the egg up. Sad that we already knew about the obsidian thing, but still made it a very cool scene. Especially right after when they started laughing at them again. I don't know what it is about it but I love them being so sassy.

FREAKING EXECUTIONS THEY WORKED FOR MASS EXECUTIONS they were able to trap all those freaking people!! And trick them and counter attack all the time! what the fuck, I'm so impressed

Thank you Fundy for sounding super terrified /gen ♥

Wait ahah they really said EGGSECUTION-

THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES im not saying IT but im saing Velvet

"Follow me! Follow me!" HANNAH SOUNDED SO ENTHUSIASTIC i love

"We trusted you!" "Well, that was your first mistake-" THE WAY BAD WAS ABOUT TO LAUGH. DUDE they definitely had so much fucking fun making this

sassyboyhalo

Foolish acting thank u ily. Also the thunder not working what the heck i wanna know what was going on inside his mind right then he sounded so lost. THE ACTING

"Sacrifice!" Hannah idk how to say this but I love you

ANT MOMENTTTT

When puffy called them selfish i was expecting bad to just do a huge double take. I wanted him to snap immediately PLEASE SNAP-

BAD DELIVERING AGAIN WITH THE AMAZING ACTING

"Not just for the egg but for what the egg is going to give us" he's so desperately trying to make them udnerstand it promised him his friend back he literally mentions it every single time but everyone calls him selfish because they think he wants power when he just wants skeppy's friendship back in this essay I will- Anyway yes I love that he never explicitly says it because it kills us viewers with pain cause we KNOW and then the reveal will be 100 times more powerful. This is so awesome

"I can't stop Quackity and you know why I can't stop. If I stop I can't get what I need." his voice grew so much lower like he's just holding back MAN I HH IT WAS SO GOOD

SECRET RETREAT ROOM YOOO

Ponk giving Bad some food and telling him to stay safe, Bad telling both Hannah and Ponk to stay safe too. My tears

And now the solo Bad lore part, where we actually see the true part of him that's absolutely devastated and makes me cry, the way he acted all confident and then saw everything crumble in a few seconds and now he's destroyed again because what if they find a way to destroy the egg what then? what if he never gets skeppy back? dude, you can just read his emotions it's so sad and i love how it was portrayed

"I know where I can go. I know who I can see!" BDI REF BDI REF FOR SURE I have a feeling that's going to be explained in the next lore stream with Skeppy and I'm so hype. I love the little crumbs of references here and there.

"But now they have it.." he sounded so broken??? bad your acting please ill cry

"I didn't really want to hurt anybody" his true self trying to get back cwc especially because he's farther away from the egg. I just love the transition between the guy Bad portrays who's so sure about the egg when it's in front of others and the doubts and anxiety he actually has when he's alone. Just so cool

"Did I screw up?" im just pointing out everything that moves me emotionally cause these people's acting is so cool

Ending the stream with simple black background my beloved

Okay but really I'm so so so proud of the ccs for making this happen and it's only going upwards, I'm literally so in awe, they really said go big or go home

Free space for Ant's villain speech I wasn't able to hear yet, but they said it was v cool, so I'm trusting people on this

Thank you for listening, stan Bloodvines arc /hj

If I made typos no I didn't

[genoc1d3r]

my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something. 

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

 Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this: 

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving. 

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part: 

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se  they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change  depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

[kidfoundonstreets]

last post

walking into his room like hiiiiiiiii sirius pov switch cant have noel having too much thoughts THAT IS NOT CAT SCRATCHING DOOR SOUNDS BUT ITS SO CUT EOH MY GJFDFHDROIQH3EROIQ3HE31OI CAT BRINGS EVEYRBDOIY OTGETEHR!! I LOVE CAT even if it might mean smth bad because black cats are known to be bad luck (even though thats complete and utter bullshit) but its also part of the monsters EVEYRBODY HAVINBG THE HEART REACITON TO THE KITTY ME TOO ME TOO noel claire and sirius interactions lets hecking GO yoiud think sirius would be heartless but nah if the cat must be fed the cat must be fed

OIH NMY GOD THEYA RE EFVRYTHING TMOME WHY DOES THE CAT LOOK SO CUTE. THEY ALL LOOK SO CUTE. THE WAY NOELS LOOKING AT CLAIRE. THE WAY SIRIUS IS JUST BEIGN PRETTY BOY. THE WAY CLAIRE IS BEING CLAIRE. IM SO FUCKIGNS AD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS CG ITS INSTANTLY ON EOF MY FAVS thank frick is sirius disliked cats i dont think id ever be able to forgive him rest in peave books........................ dogs are worse when it comes to organizing maybe sirius should just get a fish or a pet rock like a nerd (affectionate) SIRUSY CATBOY!! SIRIUS CATBOY!! SIRIUS CATBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO DRAW THAT SO TRUE CLAIRE ther sibligns ever... leaving claire alone with the cat gives me a bad feelin g but alr alr

ITS BEEN DROPPED,, the flashback though. agh. it makes me wonder if he’ll become more protective over claire sirius really is the best person to know about this but his mental state is so fragile if its tampered with the wrong way

dead on the floor. this game is just feeding me so much info and man i am LIVING for it it took so many loops to get to this point but man its happenign1! real!! but im just scared that ashe ansd wilardo might do something before then or overhear.d ahghjhhg. the murder is always sudden LOOK I LOVE SIRIUS AND I KNOW THAT ON IMPULSE THERE IS THE SLIGHTEST HCANCE HE’D KILL FOR DOROTHY BUT HE ALREADY THINKS SHES ALIVE AND SHE WOULDNT BE PROUD OF HIM but also i think like noel said he isnt the type of person to do that at all just. i fjhjkhhgh they make me so emotional WHAT. IS. UP. WITH. NOEL. WHY IS HE LIKE THAT WHATS HAPPENING TO HIM I STILL DONT GET IT IT COULD JUST BE STRESS BUT WHAT IF IT IS SOMETHING WORSE “just like lady dorothy” ouch. i really wonder whatr hes going to do now,, claire hows it feel reminding so many people of the dead

rouge looking genuinely slightly worried >>  guess she just got reminded of ashes wish ashe we can all agree is pthe most desperate one here the death rates literally prove it. idk  agh. so much could be wrong if noel chooses someone that betrays him?? i dont know i dont know HTE THING WITH THIS GAME IS THAT THEY ALL HAVE SNESIBLE WISHES BUT. GHHGHGJGHH

bbbbbbb babygirl there are so many things wrong with you. please stop IM GETTING SO UPSET OVER NOEL I REALLY FEEL LIKE ITS GOING TO GET WORS EAND WORSE AND THE FACT HRE WAS JUST THINKING ABT NICHOLAS BEFORE IT UGHKJHGKH BUT HE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS IF HE WANTS TO GET ANYTHING DONE I DONT KNOW his body is destroying itslef even after this will it have a permanent effect  wait if the demon affected him that much of a time ago then why didnt it happen earlier./... why at the worst times side lime time my beloved according to the intro she gets a lot more screentime i think? or maybe all the demons do so hell yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MUSIC GOES SO HARD ANFD FOR WHAT lim e what thwe ruck okay listen!! i love her!! i think shes a really cool chafractwer and has a nice deisng + personality but when it comes to this i want to dropkick her to the absolute sun  wilardo being weak to emotions even after all these years. gn.

girl . shut up at this point youre just reaching in for your own desires you just want someone else to suffer or be like you ughyejkghgrheghghgh. shes not wrong. but thats because ashe cared so much that he cant move on. hes stuck in denial because he doesnt want to accept it him becoming a demon would be the complete opposite of what his family would want. but then again it feels like hes thrown that away with all of the things hes done but UGHYGH ITS COMPLICATED just jfc driving him insane with his own dreams idk man ashe desevres so much better please let him get proper therapy and help hes been so isolated lime stop self projecting and talkjing to yourself stop catching other people up in your misery i am so done killing them all noel would never do that even if he did he’d just feel so much unbearable guilt he’d feel no different than his father  idk idk i love this game :’D

[theshitthatidoishere]

Ask post owo

DoloresdaizhamorganI said: i refuse to believe Neji died. Although I did have a really bizarre dream that during the war, an outbreak spread causing the deceased shinobi, our beloved Neji included, to come back as vampires who WERE NOT susceptible to sunlight, a steak to the heart, nor anything common to end a vampire. Yeah, that's what happens when you've been binging vampire horror for three straight weeks with no interruptions. Btw, NejiTen is amazing and beautiful.

1. What r u talking abt?? neji didn’t die he’s alive and happy and alive 👌

2.hhshahshah ok that’s a weird dream but i admit that neji vampire sounds cool

3. Totally agree

@spaneji-roll has said: What if Neji, tenten and Lee would be secret agents like that one skit in naruto SD? I think we all know tenten would be the bad ass one, Lee would almost get killed with every impulsive decision he would make but he'd come out fine and Neji. Neji is just James bond but better because he's Neji.

Omg yeEeeEeeEeEeeeEs i like this sm, and i love the outfits of that skit too so perfect ✨✨

Why do you ship nejiten? Tenten didn't even cry when Neji died. She just recalled him when Guy and Lee were making a fuss. She said,"Why did you leave me Neji?" Or something along those lines. I don't see any romantic aspect in their relationship. They were just teammates who respected each other. P. S. This is not a hate ask towards Nejiten or what you believe in. I want to know your opinion because yours is the only Nejiten blog I follow. P. S. S. I really like your art. It's so beautiful.

Guys if i could tell i really would but the thing is that i don’t even know what i like nt, once i was seeing papabay’s art on Pinterest (not knowing who papabay was xd) and i said “wow this shit is good” and i ended obsessed just like with everything that i like lmao ;_;

Idk i just like that if they were in a relationship it would be so GOOD AND NOT TOXIC LIKE THE OTHER NART RELATIONSHIPS, like just vibing and respecting to each other, but idk just my brain daydreaming xd

Also thank u sm🥺💙🥺💙💙

Hc that hizashi and gai knew each other before the incident...

Y E S but hizashi and gai are in different generations so idk how...maybe a mission?

That scene where baby neji is training with hizashi....HES LIKE A LITTLE TEDDY BEAR IS SO CUTE !!!

What do you think of LeeSaku?

Sakura deserved better and lee too so yeah i like it 👍

Do you want to hear a song rec? :33

Sure owo

I SCREAMED

I don’t remember with what drawing i got this ask but thank you and sorry🥺🥺🥺🥺💙💙

That is legit the funniest hate ask I have seen, like you need to know your philosophy to understand my insult, p e a s a n t

I still don’t understand if it was a hate ask or just a meme ngl

search deadname remover on chrome web store that might help úwù

I would use that if i had a computer bc it doesn’t let me in the ipad :’(

After Hiashi dies hizashi is waiting there with a Gun.

I WILL HAVE HIASHIS HEAD SO HELP ME GOD-!!!

NANI???!!!

What’s art style bend?

It’s an artist challenge where you have to do a drawing without all the characteristics that define your art style owo

Til that I’m actually taller than hiashi idk why that’s so funny to me but it is...

Hiashi smol hiashi smol

Imagine hiashi get kicked in the head...literally

Yes please....

I accidentally read that birthday post as habirth ppyday, And was very confused. then I realized I was a fuckin moron and read it right, but anyway, habirth ppyday mel since I’m too much of a coward to say it in their inbox

@meloodles happy late bd from part of this anon xddd

Can I PLEASE get a waffle can I PLEASE get a fuckign waffle

🧇🧇🧇

Would you like an egg?

Yes ngl 🍳

wha t does "omnipotenttable mean?

It’s from a nickname that i had a few years ago, when i was making my ig account with some friends they were like “let’s put you table” and i said “just if you put omnipotent before”, and that’s it xd

Rock lee more like broccoli

What’s your favorite brush?

what art piece do you feel proudest of?

This two owo

Have you watched into the woods? Idk I think it’s a pretty good musical.

Nup i haven’t, usually i don’t like musicals but maybe I’ll give it a try

Hey I hope you’re ok, sending you love 💕💕💕

I’m fine now but who knows when I’ll feel like poop again ;-;, I’m trying to not and take advantage of the days that i feel good 💙💙

Does Chile celebrate Labor Day?

Yes we do!

hey i read your tw post and just wanted to send u some love!! pls try to hang in there. i love u and i wanna wake up and see ur art again! i wanna see u interact with asks again! i know hope is hard to come by and even harder to keep but it really is the only thing we can do in times like this. please hang in there! i love you!! ❤❤❤❤💕💗💗💞💓💓💓

You motivated me to answer all the ask today so thank you sm 💙💙🥺💙🥺💙🥺, I’m doing my best I’m almost two days without skin picking myself, i’ll try as much as i can i promise 💙💙, love ya

@catkinies has said : YOUR HEADER!!!! GOLD!!! HANABABY!!! ❤️❤️❤️

We gave explosives to hanababy xddd 🤯🤯

i searched ctm and SHELL YOUR MOTHER??? guess i cant complain but WHAT

Jahsjjakajajja this is a CLASSIC, i would say that’s similar to motherfucker but not really 😔👊

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection 

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently 

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao 

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :( 

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy 

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie? 

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok 

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious 

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao 

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao 

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo 

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true 

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure 

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf 

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well 

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left 

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die 

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough 

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market 

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing 

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals 

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg 

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof 

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao 

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks 

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID 

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well 

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao 

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight 

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro 

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof 

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in! 

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends 

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real 

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable 

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo 

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore 

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo] 

me: oh shit u right 

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE- 

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it 

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho 

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH 

Gays Win 

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol 

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude 

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself 

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be 

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later! 

[playertwosquiped]

Well if I’m gonna be up at 1:30 in the morning while hitting mental walls with all the replies sitting in my drafts.. I’m just gonna... ramble under the cut about Halloween because BOY do I have thoughts about that night for Jere.

TW for the uh Thing With Chloe you know what I mean and I’m gonna talk at LENGTH

OKAy, just right from the start, the SQUIP makes him be late, and he feels SO BAD about it because it made Brooke think he stood her up. HE’S!! SUCH!! A!! SWEETHEART!! Like, like. From the very start he was concerned about Brooke and didn’t want to hurt her (”don’t worry about the guilt you feel, Just take a breath, And seal the deal”!!!!!! HE WAS GUILTY AT THE IDEA OF USING BROOKE TO GET POPULAR I WANT TO CRY). 

But he cared. he cared so so much about Brooke. He didn't need to care about her. Before the SQUIP they’d never really interacted (”I’ve literally never seen him before”). And the fact that he still still felt bad about hurting her even a little bit by Halloween after he’d had the SQUIP for a little while I’m just,,,,, my heart. He’s so sweet. He genuinely cared about Brooke and I will fight anyone who disagrees.

Anyway.

...

...

Chloe. YEeeeeeesh. How many times did he have to say NO CHloe for fucks sake. Like I’m not even gonna touch the fact that Chloe did that knowing he was dating her best friend, and just focus of her clear disregard for consent and the fact that she absolutely sexually assaulted Jeremy. 

He said no many many times, even saying make it stop, though that was technically directed at his SQUIP (who fuckign said “I don’t understand the request” which GOD never have I wanted to strangle a fictional character so much) he said it out loud. She FUCKING KNEW he wasn’t consenting. And she didn’t care.

Like maybe no clothes actually came off (though tbh that was at least partially because Jake showed up) she still kissed him non-consensually, and, uh, humped him on the bed while she had him pinned. Sure, she wasaf doing it to be loud and make it sound like she was having sex but  Y I K E S . 

There’s a reason my Jeremy is so many levels of NOT COMFORTABLE with her even post-SQUIP. He just... pretends to be for Brooke’s sake, and avoids being alone with her at all costs.

He actually picks up a lot of issues from that. He can’t stand being pinned at all, even if it’s by accident, and a lot of his terror at losing control comes from that moment because that is the most traumatizing thing the SQUIP did to him by a long shot (though basically EVERYTHING the SQUIP did is awful in some way. Spending a couple of months being manipulated and abused by a voice literally in his head was bad; it’s just that as far as Singular Events go, that one was the worst).

Also just, you know, the physical stuff in relationships becomes terrifying for him and any future partners would have to be comfortable with going slow on that because yikes. 

How many times have I said yikes dgdsf too many. yikes yikes yikes.

Anyway.

He ran to hide in the bathroom (on the verge of a meltdown because that just happened and this is the first time in a couple months that he hasn’t had the SQUIP managing his emotions for him) where... Michael was.

Okay. One more yikes.

He went in for a hug. He went in for a hug. This boy was just assaulted, is freaking out because he barely had coping skills before the SQUIP, but after having it for a while all but lost what little ability to cope he had, and he sees his best friend for the first time in months and he just bhjhbhj immediately tries to hug Michael. He missed him. 

Because, and this is a digression, he never wanted to leave Michael behind. He was just at the point in his own head where he felt like anything he wanted was the wrong thing to want. So he went against every instinct and feeling of his to listen to the SQUIP. And you know, the only reason he wasn’t constantly miserable from that is because the SQUIP was blocking those feelings out. This isn’t a justification for what he did, just... an explanation.  He needed therapy not an supercomputer sddfgdgfbv

He got so upset with Michael in that conversation because he was a mess and he had come into this bathroom to hide in the tub and cry and he knew he wouldn’t be feeling this if the SQUIP was on. He was so desperate to have the thing managing his emotions still that any suggestion of getting rid of it was unthinkable, despite what had just happened.

So he said whatever it took to get away from Michael in that moment. The only reason he didn’t have a complete breakdown that night at least not at the party was because Christine managed to cheer him up, and even that didn’t last. Obviously. Because he was drowning and desperate for this to have all been worth it (especially after he had just called Michael a loser and left him alone; something he was VERY GUILTY about immediately after it happened; but he was too anxious to backtrack and apologize) he asked her out right then at a moment that- had he been in his right mind- even he would have known was probably a bad idea. Because he was desperate.

And then he was dragged home by the SQUIP. Even with the SQUIP back on to manage his emotions, the night caught up to him and he cried himself to sleep.

[unwanted-animal]

I’m just gonna vent here for a sec, about relationship stuff and youtube drama of all things

so trans YT drama might legit end my marriage????

I don’t want it to. I love my spouse with all my heart but I’m at the end of my patience.

So, Contrapoints. She’s a famous trans youtuber who we watched before she came out, and while she explored her gender as she gradually came to recognize herself as a trans woman. She’s got great production value, she does a lot of videos on the alt right, and she does a lot of socratic discussions that she doesn’t flat out LABEL as socratic discussions sometimes.

She’s also got a long history of stepping in it when it comes to nb folks and trans folks who don’t pass.

It’s been rubbing me wrong, because every time the community at large is like “Contra, this is kinda shitty, please just think about what you’re broadcasting to your 250,000+ followers”, she disappears for a while and comes back and jokes about being canceled and continues on.

Well, this time she said that people asking pronouns when she feels like she’s the only trans woman there is invalidating. And that’s super fine. Her airing that is fine. I understand how it can feel invalidating, especially when you hold up how well you pass as the main easer of your dysphoria. But she phrased it in a way that seemed kinda crapp to nb folks. So folks gently called her in, myself included, and she doubled down. 

And of course, as with any drama, there were assholes and monsters tryna doxx her and actually doxxing her and sending nasty messages to people and her, threats and the usual shitbag bullshit nasty people pull.

She deleted twitter for a while, but then she came back, to promote her new video.

Where she had Buck Angel of all fucking people in it. 

Buck, who was suggested by Teryn, a friend of hers and former LOUD transphobic trans person. Buck is a transphobic trans man who not only has run pyramid schemes targeting trans men, but he’s also outed lana wachowsky without her permission to the rolling stone because his wife left him for her, he’s also continually misgendered trans men he decides don’t pass, he says queer trans people aren’t really queer, he APOLOGIZES TO TERFS FOR TRANS PEOPLE EXISTING. He’s a shitbag and we’ve KNOWN he’s a shitbag for well over 15 years. 

And with her truscummy tendencies, folks were like. Okay. Hold the fucking phone Nat. 

Well she did a patreon q&a this past week where she said she knew buck because he looks “strikingly cis” and that’s why she’s a fan of him. She boiled down his years of scams and transphobia to “some bad tweets”, she through Harris under the bus for saying he was actually fucked up over being put in a video with a dickhead like Buck without his knowledge, and she made light of him doing good work with the mermaids charity earlier this year.

ANyway, Cis Yter lindsay ellis, one of nat’s bffs, posted this four image “”acknowledgement”” of natalie’s shit and said this: 

“Why would one repeatedly fall on the sword apologizing to a community that jumps at every possibility to apply the worst possible interpretation of any perceived transgression?”

The trans community’s criticism of natalie isn’t based on “perceived transgressions”. It’s not bad faith interpretation. We fucking REACHED OUT TO TRY AND BE LIKE NATALIE, YOU’VE ONLY BEEN TRANSITIONING FOR TWO YEARS, PLEASE STOP TALKING OVER OTHER TRANS PEOPLE, PLEASE STOP CENTERING YOUR EXPERIENCES, PLEASE STOP SAYING NB PEOPLE ARE MAKING IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO LIVE AS A WOMAN, THIS IS KINDA BAD.

AND THAT IS THE BIG CRIME HERE.

Anyway George said I’m just “following a mob” because I dont’ want to support her fucking work anymore. He’s like gone full white knight for her, and I get it, being a NB person with a LOT of internalized bullshit, you don’t seem to care that a large amount of people have been hurt over and over and over by her words and deeds. And not just NB folks. Non-passing trans folks. Older trans women she claims are all truscum. Older trans men she passes over because they dont’ look “strikingly cis”. 

One night he claimed his depression was so bad because folks were just kinda done with Nat’s shit that he wasn’t excited and food had no taste. That shit isn’t HEALTHY.

I made one post last night about Lindsay’s shitty apology and he responded TODAY, at like 4:30 in the morning, with “where’s the lie?” about the excerpt I posted.

He keeps saying i’m a hypocrite but I’m not whipping up people against her, I’m not dehumanizing her, and I only retweet stuff other binary trans women say in regards to her damn Patreon bullshit. I decided for myself I was no longer comfortable watching her shit, and I think that should be fair??? I don’t know why he’s going so fucking hard in on this, other than I know he’s attracted to her, but like. Buddy so am I, doesn’t mean I think she doesn’t need to take some fucking time back and stop being a reactionary. 

Anyway it’s this thing seething inside him and I... I dunno. He fucking got on my business about it in KROGER the other night, fuckign KROGER, and no matter how many times I told him to drop it he just fucking wouldn’t! 

I’m at my wit’s end. I don’t know what to fucking do. 

Might just end up blocking him on twitter if he doesn’t stop. won’t stop the real-life issues surrounding this (K R O G E R), but it’ll make him get off my fuckin back. 

[cerealmonster15]

How about Leo for that character thing?

ffffuck yes i have to put this one in a readmore bc i got carried away listing like 800 leo quotes 

How I feel about this characterhes one of my favorite royal sibs!!!!! probs tied with elise and takumi? or possibly my most fave?????? i was sad the whole time birthright bc i missed him and elise the whole time,,,, now that im playing conquest im sad bc i miss takumi lol. i love my tomato brother ;w; but he (and xander) is like the funniest fuckin character, oh my god. i love him so much. he makes me cry with laughter half the time he opens his mouth. hes this snarky little snob and he can’t dress himself for shit bc his clothes are always inside out or backwards (me too actually. every time i realize my shirt’s on wrong im instantly like Wow Leo Vibes). i love how in birthiright near the end theres this important emotional scene and hes gotten rid of iago and corrins like “hhhhey leo,,,? ur shirts inside out” and he just goes “DAMN IT.” his shop voice lines sound like a really sarcastic customer service voice. “Welcome. Goodbye~!”. so do xander’s??? i fucking die every time one of them is manning a shop oh my god i love themhis alts in feh make me s c r e a m hes so damn funny and dramatic.summer leo:“[grumbly voice] TANLINES… what, torture.”“If you are disappointed by these results then give me clothes”“Hot… beaches?hHHRRNNNNNN[aHEM], hate them.”“Tropical islands? Forget it! And this swimsuit? [snobby laughing tone] DONT even get me STARTED!”“Hey, if you like tropical islands, that’s fine. Maybe it’s not as bad as[randomly starts laughing???] I say.” like is he trying to be chill about it but just cant hold it together because the very idea of  a tropical idea is so absurd to him ?? hes so fuckign weird i love himGOD my ultimate favorite leo quote ever of all time tho is: “I actually like walking a beach at night. But… swim? In the ocean? [laughter, maybe nervous laughter i cant fucking tell] With my body?!?!???” WITH MY BODY?? i love him what the helland then he does that thing in the lvl40 five star convo where hes like “id be as red as a tomato if i got a sunburn???? fuck, how could i hate the sun if thats the case??? maybe ill go right now-” god hes so weird. i love that line regular leo does thats like “you’d never guess what vegetable really catches MY fancy! ………tomatoes…….”and then picnic leo omg. i probably screamed when i saw he was a free unit this spring i was SO HAPPY [as much as i love summer leo i dont actually have him and i cry that his banner hasnt returned this summer yet ;c]he grumbles when u poke him. he goes MMMMMM when you pick him up to take his turn. he complains about the sun, AGAIN.“i’m not used to this much sunlight! it’s…. nnggggg,,, blINDing..”“[offended voice] why are you being so SNEAKY? THIS is a PICNIC!” HhhhhhHHHHHH god lmao“[very proud voice] How does it taste? It must delicious, given I made it mySELF!” “What about this? I had my retainers prepare it for us.“ ik a lot of people say this contradicts his first line and one of them is a fucking lie, but i like to think this just means he made lunch with odin and niles and they did different parts and it’s soooooooooooooooooo cute to think about him cooking with his boys ;w; also he sounds so proud here too. hes so proud of his retainers and hes like “heh, mine are the best, they made this great food arent they wonderful i love them so much”“You want…to try some of my cooking? [gasp sigh huffy noise??] If you insist…” hes so excited someone wants to eat his cooking but he cant let anyone Know he has emotions lollies down… maybe leo really is my top fave LOL i just love his lines so much. i want to high five his voice actor for the delivery on these lines. that’s not even going into some of his supports in warriors that ive watcheed on youtube [plz everyone needs to see the one with frederick and leo. it always has me in tears. theyre SO FUNNY together ldjsfgbgf]chapter leo of birthright is probs one of my favorite chapters in fates. it was HARD AND ANNOYING but the dialogue made me weepy 

All the people I ship romantically with this characterodin and niles are fave….. they make a cute ot3!! i love how much he appreciates and cares for them and theyre all so good for each other… mr uptight leo and his chaos incarnate retainers to bring out his very secret dorky side… my BOYS!!!  i could go on and on about them for many paragraphs but this is already way too long lmfao oopsi also like leo and takumi of course lol. i havent played revelations yet but ive seen bits of their supports and also i just love the bickering enemies to lovers trope lol. this is my favorite panel from the 4koma comics

My non-romantic OTP for this characteri love the familial bonds between all the nohrian siblings but so far leo and elise is my fave sibling duo,,, but im biased bc so far ive only gotten theirs and camilla/xander’s lol. but even in hoshido i like the younger sibs plus older sibs duos. the idea of closeness in age forming a special bond is cute to me. i also like corrin and leo as having a close sib bond since they seem close in age! i know theres [remembers graveyard chapter of birthright again and starts sobbing] some underlying angst of him envying all the doting on corrin his siblings do and he feels ALONE AND I CRY, but he also was very fond of corrin, and i remember the end of birthright where camilla totally calls him out saying how he was saying how nice it was to get to see corrin again ;w; i’d like to think they were close!and of course i like leo and camilla’s relationship…. thinks about end of birthright and sobs… at least they have each other ;o;i need to get more leo supports actually… i want to see every support convo but theres only so much time CRIES 

My unpopular opinion about this characterIDK if this counts bc i feel like it’s half and half but i am not a fan of shipping corrin specifically with him or any of the other nohrian/hoshidan royals. like i totes get wanting to marry him as a character, buuuuuuut like i personally was not about to do that when our protagonist was his adopted sibling??????????? no thank you?!?!?!?!????? my friends and i read through the s-support convos for all of them on the wiki once and just…died the whole time bc theyre SO AWKWARD AND WEIRD “i was hiding my FORBIDDEN FEELINGS for you, PERSON I THOUGHT WAS MY SIBLING, my WHOLE LIFE, but now that ur NOT MY BLOOD RELATED FAMILY we can GET MARRIED, even tho weve still been calling you sister/brother casually this whole game” i CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IT’S WEIRDDDDDDDand like i dont think thats really an unpopular opinion but i see enough corrin/royals art to think it’s unpopular enough i guesstho i imagine there are some people that chose to marry the royal sibs and also think it’s weird but they just love the character and sat there like “ew stop dont talk about  that” loltho some people are like “it’s not technically inc/est-” like,,,, it kinda still is tho HHHH GROSSANYWAY

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.I mean with all video games i wish bein gay was more legal. i want to s-support all the royals to their counterparts. let leo hold takumi’s hand, which would probs turn into a competition of who can squeeze the hardest until they break each other’s bones bc theyre stupid, but plz. i want this. let hoshido and nohr form ultimate peace bc all their royal fams married.also i dont know the full situation with forrest bc i havent unlocked him but from what ive heard i wish leo was nicer about CERTAIN THINGS in their…. i guess recruitment chapter ? supports? i hear in some of japan’s dlc or a drama cd or something he comes around and is more accepting but still, if that’s not the case in US game i wish it WAS!!!ALSO i wish the sibs could have support convos with each others kids. like even if it was just the main royals kids getting to talk to their aunts and uncles i think that’d be CUTE !!!!!WAIT ALSO on the wiki, leo, niles, and odin all have unused quotes from the endgame. it seems like theyre in the part of the game where you got knocked the fuck out and hung out in the afterlife for a bit with ur dead friends and family and then everyone in the real world is shouting at u to get up off ur ass and come finish the fight. im wondering if that means leo and his retainers were originally supposed to join you in your final battle, even tho you were siding with hoshido? i wouldve loved that and cried twice as hard..... 

[x]

[berryherbist]

So I just finished The Savior’s Champion by Jenna Moreci and

It...wasn’t good. In my opinion.

Well, I technically didn’t finish now, but this was what I sent my friend right after I finished reading it. It’s not a genuine review, mostly just things I felt right after I finished (and still do tbh). I felt like sharing it though so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I might do a more in depth review later, but I’ll just post this for now.

I wanna preface this by saying there’s nothing wrong with liking this book, and I’m not judging anyone who does, it just...wasn’t good. Also, there are spoilers ahead

Alright leggo

Honestly?? Honestly??? Where do I begin?? Specifics or the overall book?? Either way it was  b a d. Okay I guess to start, I feel like this whole book was a waste of time. Not in the "I hated it I wish I hadn't read it sort of way" though. I just felt like it was a set up for the second book. Like yeah, it technically had its own plot, but literally nothing was resolved and there were no answers to major questions. I was hoping to get /something/ by the end of the book, but it just raised even more questions and half of what happened didn't make sense after that ending. And it has absolutely no right to be as long as it is. There are so many parts that are unmemorable or useless, ngl I had trouble remembering half of the book.I feel like every scene or exchange between characters should either move the plot along or develop the characters more, and that hardly  e v e r  happened. A lot of Tobias' dialogue was just to show how much better he is than the other people in the tournament. Like, Orion and some of the others were decent, but Tobias was like the Golden Child of this whole thing. Like he couldn't ever do anything wrong. Even if he did fuck up or make a bad decision he ended up being right. Jenna shows obvious favoritism towards her two main characters and everyone else fades into the background so much they can hardly be considered shadows.I mean, she has how many characters and how fleshed out are they? Tobias and Leila are hardly fleshed out and don't change at all from their first to last appearance. I guess you could say Delphi is kind of developed, but even then we don't see too much of her. She's got a very tropey personality and most of her appearances are to connect Tobias and Leila.And I couldn't even be sad at any of the character deaths!! I can't even remember half of their names, let alone their personalities. I literally had to go back and reread the contestant's names (Raphael who?? Neil who??). I was disappointed at Orion's death, but not /sad/. It was more like a "damn, you're one of the few characters I don't hate reading about and now you're gone." And those characters hardly get a backstory. Again I know the book doesn't revolve around them but damn, if you're going to include this many characters don't just make them accessories to your mains.(She's got portraits/art for so many of her characters but they don't even have a story hdrasfjh. if you're going to go through the trouble getting official designs for them give them official backgrounds maybe??)Now moving on to individual characters...just...fuck...fuck I hate Tobias and Leila so much.First of all they're so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid. Especially Tobias. Why can't they just keep it in their pants and focus on things that are actually important? Like the tournament?? Or whatever the fuck Leila is doing?? Or the fact that they're being so obvious?? I didn't like Flynn but I agreed with him more times than I did with Tobias. At least Flynn understood it was a competition. Yeah, he was arrogant and was there for very selfish reasons, but damn he actually had his head on straighter than Tobias. If anything Jenna's most fleshed out character was Flynn. He showed both bravery and cowardice, he had his own goals and personality, and despite the fact he threatened to betray Tobias, he was basically loyal in the end. Aside from when the Sovereign ordered Flynn to kill him but like. Can you blame him? Also, if I found out that one of the people I was competing against didn't even want the "prize" (I don't like referring to the Savior as that but that's basically what she is adkjfadjdla) that I could possibly lose my life over than yeah I'm going to be pissed?? 

Tobias is just a Gary Stu. He's handsome, a "good man," selfless, talented, loved by many, and always talks about how fucked up and corrupted the competition is, as if other people don't know that?? I'm also pissy at how good he was at fighting. The boy has 0 experience except for the time he trained with Leila but he was able to kill the Giant, Drake, and Kaleo. I guess you could argue that he was fueled by rage or whatever, but against trained assassins?? I don't think so.And then Leila. Fuckign Leila. She was so boring. SO so boring. Basically just a female Tobias. Pretty, good at fighting, smart, and independent, with almost no flaws whatsoever, if any. Maybe you could count her being secretive as a flaw, but Tobias had literally no right to know what she was up to or any of her secrets. He obviously doesn't understand what goes on between politicians and other aspects of the tournament (or whatever Brontes is doing?? idk man) but he still demands Leila tell him anyway. Anyway, there's nothing intriguing about Leila at all. Get those two together and it's just cardboard on cardboard. They're so boring, and all they ever talk about is how much they "love" each other. I know Jenna was probably trying to hide the instant romance in TSC but they still only had thirty days to fall in love. And maybe it's just me but none of it felt real. SO much of it just felt like lust (how many times did we have to read about wet dreams or them grinding on each other like adhskja).As for her villains?? I honestly think I liked them more than her main characters. I mean, they weren't developed at all but I couldn't hate them just because they were dicks.Kaleo, for example. He's an asshole. Just a real mean fucker. Yeah, I didn't like how arrogant and unnecessarily cruel he was, but because he had no backstory or clear motives throughout the whole book I was just waiting on a reason to really hate him. The same thing goes for Cosima. We spend the whole book thinking she's the Savior, so I always thought a lot of her behavior was due to never having a mother and only being raised by her father (who I thought was just very protective at first tbh). But still, I don't even know how to describe her. Not quite bitchy but not the nicest either. Selfish maybe? Like, when Raphael was bitten or whatever she let the judging go on. Fake? How she flirted with all of the contestants. Ngl though I felt kinda bad, because she's the one who wasn't allowed to choose who she got to marry. (Kinda unrelated but Tobias always complained that men died for her and yeah it's fucked up but?? That's the competition?? and even though she's the Savior I doubt she could just be like "lmao nah let's not do this." He likes to act all righteous and good but he doesn't know wtf he's talking about lol). Or just gross, when she started groping and kissing Tobias when he obviously didn't want it? And it wasn't until the very end of the book that we started seeing those parts of her. When it's revealed that Leila is the actual Savior it was like, "okay, I'm supposed to hate her because she took advantage of acting as the Savior, and she betrayed one of the main characters. I see why she's an antagonist now." But it felt so cheap. Kaleo and Cosima were just there to make Tobias and Leila look better by comparison.

Did the people close to Tobias even matter??? Okay, so we had Milo, who was annoying af. I was lowkey happy when he died because I wouldn't have to read about him any more, but I also just. Couldn't care. Yeah he was Tobias' best friend but there wasn't a lot about him. And Tobias seemed to bicker with him more than anything tbh.His sister and mom were just kind of?? Forgotten after awhile?? His sister was the reason he entered the competition but soon enough everything was for Leila. He was fighting for Leila. He wanted to protect Leila. Leila was literally the only thing ever on his mind. Gaining a new motivation is one thing, but forgetting the people closest to you and focusing on girl you've known for a month is messed up. He was even about to leave with Leila to the forest at the very end. If I recall correctly Leila was the one to suggest going to their home. He was willing to just leave them in favor of running away with Leila.

Brontes was such a cut out villain it  h u r t (also fuck the official pronunciation of his name imma say it how I please). Old dude in position of power after more power (and we still don't know why) who has an obvious hatred toward the main character and is trying to sabotage him. Wowza. I'm so intrigued.I also  h a t e  how Jenna made it obvious who we were supposed to like and who we were supposed to hate. We need to hate Kaleo because he's a dick, we need to like Tobias because he's a nice guy. There was no depth to  a n y  of these characters. I'm not saying antagonists need to be a likable person, but they should be able to be appreciated as a character. I didn't like any of the antagonists in Gentlemen Bastards, but I at least found them interesting, and clever in some way. They were awful people, but they didn't give off that "high school bully" vibe that Jenna's antagonists did.There's nothing to differentiate the characters aside from whether they were "good" or "evil." There's no diversity in their mannerisms or the way they speak. Brontes, who's a royal, speaks the same way Tobias, a peasant, does. Also, you could tell me that Brontes and the contestants are all the same age and I'd believe you.Again kinda unrelated and it's not a book but like, in Boku no Hero Academia a lot of the villains have likable (and different!!!!) personalities and I actually enjoy them *cough* Dabi *cough* so it's not impossible.This might be just me nitpicking but I've got a problem with the way Jenna portrays Pippa. In her videos she claims that Pippa has development issues?? (like all of her characters lol) or something like that. As in she doesn't act her age. And idk if it was her intention but I really hope that that wasn't an attempt at diversity or anything. You can't claim diversity or representation in a book if you need to clarify outside of the book. 

Fuck in g world building. There. Was. None. Of. It.Here's what I know about the world: 

1.) There are multiple kingdoms (can't remember the name of Tobias' tbh) 

2.) The first Savior brought success or peace or goodness or whatever to his Kingdom and is now seen as a Goddess, essentially. 

3.) There's a brutal tournament to choose her husband when she comes of age

Other than that we don't know anything about the world or their society. What kind of customs do they have? What's their language like? I'm not saying she needs to give us every single detail of their world, but there are so many gaps that the reader has to fill in, and it feels so goddamn generic. You've got your royals, your peasants, your armies. Apparently it's like a greco-roman thing? But I wouldn't be able to get that from the book. I don't even have a lot to say on world building aside from the fact that it's just not there asejgfaldksfh. Alright alright the pacing of the book pisses me tf off.So the start wasn't too bad, the prologue has the Savior's mother being assassinated, and it doesn't take too long for Tobias to enter the tournament, and we get to the Labyrinth quickly enough, but after that there's a ton of up and down. For example the challenge that's like. Capture the flag or something like that. I hardly remember it, and you could tell moments like that were only so Jenna had an excuse to kill of another character that wasn't important. But then there were moments with Leila and Tobias that just dragged on and on, like their conversations or their time in the art gallery, and they weren't even interesting conversations. Nothing to move the plot along or reveal much about the characters. I guess you could say that it was to further develop their relationship, but I just felt like that's the only reason why they existed. I didn't feel like there was chemistry between two individuals, just two characters that were being forced to love each other.Again, not a book, but imma take Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99 for example (I wanna use Percy and Annabeth but it's been like seven years since I've read it and I'd probably butcher their story lol). Anyway, Jake and Amy are easily their own person, and they're both really different, but they both have their own goals and they both admire each other for different reasons. They help each other grow, both inside and outside their relationship, and they're better people because of each other. Leila and Tobias don't have that. It takes pages and pages of dialogue, and moments where they are the only two interacting, to try and convince the reader that they're right for each other. Chemistry between characters shouldn't be forced through romantic or intimate situations. The reader needs to believe that the characters as individuals are good for each other. I don't know if I'm making a lot of sense here aeskjfh. 

Okay but back to pacing. The ending was just. So forced. And so rushed. And did absolutely  n o t h i n g  for TSC. In the very last pages we find out that Leila is the Savior and Cosima was just a face, but?? Why?? What was the point of withholding all of that information until the end if we're not going to get anything out of it. You could argue that we're going to learn more in the second book, but that's just bad writing imo. Obviously you're not going to get all of your questions answered in the first book of a series, but there should be some sort of closure at the end of an individual book, and we don't get that. The reader is left in the dark about everything at the end of TSC. We don't know anything, or understand what's going on. Imma just. complain about the fuckign part where Tobias is taken by Kaleo and Brontes. First of all, cheesy and lazy as fuck. I feel like that was just a way for Jenna to tell the reader what Brontes' plan was, or to further show how much of a dick they are, even though we already know. Also, just the whole being tortured thing. Really?? How many times have I seen that before??And then the  w a y  it ended. I was so disappointed. Aside from the fact that the last challenge/the maze felt rushed, the fight between Kaleo, Tobias, and Flynn was so boring and cliche. The way Flynn and Tobias worked together to defeat Kaleo. How Tobias was able to take down this ruthless assassin ("Fuck your parting words" afsdwkjld). And then what happened after Leila was revealed as the Savior, when they decide to go to his home. I honestly thought that the ending was just the end to another chapter and there would be another left. I turned the page and I was like, "Huh. So that's it then." I wasn't left feeling excited or looking forward to what happens next. I was disappointed and felt a little cheated. I spent all of this time following Tobias and Leila on their journey and I got nothing out of it, besides a forced romance. Also, I'm kinda just repeating myself here, but finding out that Leila is the Savior gives us some explanation for her behavior and actions, but now I wanna know wtf Cosima was for?? And why she was allowed to do that in the first place?? Like, I know Brontes wants to kill her, but why would Brontes let Cosima pretend to be the Savior. My guess is that Brontes would be able to kill Leila, the actual Savior, without creating chaos in the kingdom, but I don't know.

There is so much miscommunication/lack of communication in this story and I'm hte fuckign.There could've been so many questions answered throughout the book. I know I said Tobias has no right to know about Leila's plans, but she could've said something other than "it's complicated" or "you wouldn't understand." How many times did that happen?? Right when I thought we might learn something Leila would go on to say that Tobias couldn't find out, or something would come up and she would have to leave before she could tell him anything. This might've been able to work once, MAYBE twice, but it happened so often that I knew those kinds of scenes were useless and wouldn't provide us with anything, so it took whatever suspense was supposed to be there away.You could argue that because TSC is written in third person limited Tobias wouldn't know all of the secrets to the tournament and the government or whatever, but the way Jenna revealed things was so cheap. He suddenly gets an explanation from Leila at the very end, and Brontes and Kaleo capture him and tell him what their plan is. It would've been so much more interesting if Tobias took small things he learned here and there and pieced it together himself, or at least had some theories. Instead he focuses on Leila this, Leila that, why won't Leila tell me anything. All he does is brood and complain and it's so goddamn old.It kinda felt like the, "And then I woke up and realized it was all a dream" explanation.

I also really, really hate the way she treated her LGBT characters, aside from Dephi, she was decent. But she used the “kill you gays” trope. I’m not saying they needed to stay alive, I understand most of them were going to die, but she killed off one of them and then completely got rid of the other.

And then Kaleo. From what I can tell he’s bisexual.Which is obviously not a bad thing, but he wasn’t just a perv, he was disgusting and invasive, and even worse threatened to sexually assault assault Tobias, which feeds into the idea that bisexual people are just predators and want to fuck everything (Idk if I’m being clear about this hhh)

But yeah that’s all for now y’all

[daddy-socrates]

personal post u can ignore sryit’ s probably a lil concerning but i need to just get this OUT of my HEAD and OFN to the INTERNEST

sorry another personal post im gon na fucking cyry i am so. have u. do you ever adhd so hard the concrete stawirs to the basement of the library feel like a fuckign bouncy castle im shaking so hard i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i was gonna do this paper TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO, yanno, when it was DUE, and im fucking.. im ,lmao im adhding so hard WHY do i ever thingk i can fucntion off my med si m like no it isnt that bad im okay and now im CRYING in the CLUB because i almost fucking. follwoed the impulse gto bound down the stairs headfirst bc i feel so. not internal bouncy i feel physically like. the .this doesnt makes ense the vibration of the floor touching my feet as if teh energy is gonna propel me forward and keep me aloft as if im in a bounce castl e i almos t unironically dove forward downt eh stairs ive not felt that in a while im not doing great rn btu i jjst i need to go to my next two classes backa to back it is interrupting my flow on that paeper bt i gotta use that tiem to maybe calm down i almost fucking dove down the stairs can you fucking believe it this is why i just !!!!!!!!!!!!! i need totake my meds but i keep not doing that im crying rig ht now what the fuck is my probablem why dont i just take them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!

[marshmalleaux-queen]

it’s almost 3 am and i’m sleep drunk but didnt feel like going to bed yet so i rambled about how much i fuckign love my demon lord husband and now you all have to suffer with me in Ghirahell

God I just. love Ghirahim??? Like what the hell. Who gave him the right to be so incredible.

People give him shit for being too ~flamboyant~ and ~showy~ but tbh I think that just makes it better cause like. then you don't expect him to absolutely obliterate you. Like yeah, do you forget that he's an absolute fucking BEAST with a sword? multiple swords?? this man literally IS a fucking sword??? he is an incredible fighter with such phenomenal magical prowess and raw physical strength like holy shit. Managed to fuck Impa's shit, nearly managed to fuck your shit (or DOES fuck your shit, depending on how well/badly you play) - also remember how he can catch your sharp-ass sword between two of his fingers and then fucking rip it from your hands and steal it from you??? cause yeah, that's a thing that can happen!!! honestly if it weren't for the fact that you're the hero and you have to win the game, this man could have and WOULD have singlehandedly harnessed the power of a fucking goddess in order to literally resurrect SATAN HIMSELF. Like holy FUCK I do NOT want to get on his bad side. Anyway yeah point being that while you're sitting there laughing at his ~effeminate~ mannerisms and appearance he can literally just fucking teleport behind you and snap your neck in a heartbeat i bet. That's how he gets you. Clever motherfucker. Brains AND brawn. the whole frickin' package.

anywhom moving on from the fact that he could literally give me a black eye and i would fucking thank him (okay maybe I would not want him to give me a black eye but like jeezus dude his strength is not to be underestimated), let's take a moment to appreciate his exquisite beauty. Oh yes. That hair? Snow white hair that's short and smooth in the back and long and luscious in the front? God would I love to run that hair through my fingers. And what a gorgeous face. What a rich and lovely dark brown his eyes are. What flawless violet lines underneath them. and those lips? those smooth, delectable lips whose color compliments his skin perfectly? Every time I see those lips curl into a smirk I am s h o o k. I want to smooch them so much. and don't even get me started on that tongue. that fucking t o n g u e. Oh but we're not done. consider the rest of his gorgeous body. Oh yes. Being an absolute beast in combat would certainly be more plausible with such a toned body. not lanky but not BUFF. perfect body for holding and feeling safe. And he's so tall too?? My goodness think of all the fun things that could come from the height difference. One moment I'm the butt of the short jokes and the next moment he's towering over the dickwads that think it's okay to join in when nobody fuckin asked them to. And all the while he maneuvers this body in a perfect balance of gracefulness and power. How does he do it. How does he manage this flawlessness. This is not to mention the myriad of outfits he dons throughout his encounters. The cape of my favorite primary color, that I bet would be so big on me it could be a blanket. The diamond motif of the underclothes that provide both mobility and eye candy. The regal gloves that adorn his strong yet delicate hands. the vibrant gems that decorate his ear and his waist. I'd say I want to frame this man and put him on my wall but that's another can of fave-related worms entirely. *coughYugacough*

and his mannerisms? the way in which he presents himself beyond physical appearance? heart-stopping. His words are constantly laced with silver. one moment you are entranced by his smooth tone and loquaciousness. the next you are shaken by the venom and power that his words can carry. This man could read me all of the shakespeare I was begrudgingly forced to read in high school and for once I would actually be enamored. Fuck it, this man could read me a fucking terms and services page and I would need to rethink the entirety of the english language because clearly it cannot be this beautiful. Oh and must I even mention the absolutely glorious tenor that graces his vocal cords? or the myriad of delectable sounds that it produces at any given moment? must I mention how it reduces me to an absolutely melted puddle on the ground, even if he is literally threatening to fucking murder me??? must I????? And this man is confident and he is not afraid to show it. He knows that once he's done boasting about his beauty, he can easily wring your neck and have it be a performance. His actions and his words carry both grandeur and power - both of which can bring a marshmallow to her knees with a single badass fingersnap. He's beauty. He's grace. He will punch you in the face.

[moodyguido]

i wish i could sya i fucking hate you but i literlaly dont. i cant. god i wish i was mroe like oyu and i wish i was over it and i wish i fuckign hated your guts but after 9 months looks like im still a altitle fucking lovesick omg!! i dont know how to cope wiht it. my emotions are so fucking out of whack. you mnipualetd me and was so bad ot me and everyone you talked to and you sicked izzy onme and told him everything you knew about me and your entire groupchat and thy all fucking hate me and i have to deal with the knowledge that there are people on earth who feel that way about me and you TOLD ME THEY HATED ME AS IF I'D FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT AND YOU TRIED TO GET ME TO SOTP TLAKING TO ELLY AND SO DID IZZY BECASEU APPARENLY JESCE WESCE FUCKIGN DIES IF HE DOESNTKNKOW EXACTLY WHO IM TLAKING TO AT LAL TIMES AND THAT ONE TIME HWERE I TOLD U IF YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH SMOEONE AT SCHOOL TI WAS FUCKING OKAY AND YOU COULD GO WITH THEM AND YOU TOOK THAT AS ME GIVING UP ON OUR RELATIONSHIP AND PROCEEDED TO MAKE ME THINK IM A FUCKING GALSIGHTER. but i still love you, and i dont fucking know why. i want nit gone so badly.i know how bad to treated me and eveyrone belse but waht if you didn tmean it?? what if it was my fault lol what if i rubbed off on you or soemthing and this is just my fucking karma????? i dont know whats me beign manipulated and whats me anymore. i cant beleive you made me think talkinglike that about people i lvoe was okayu. i cant beleieve the sejal thing happened. youre an awful person. but what if i can fix you?? what if it was just you being stressed cause of covid?? i know you tell eveyrone you talk to thta its my fauly and you think of me when ou lsiten to happier than ever so boivously ive affected you somehow so manybe i really do deserve it. maybe this is the karma i needed. a wake up call?? i dont fucking know. i cant beleve i miss you. im so mad i projected us onto steeve and bucky and now i associate you wiht seteve. goodbye neumebr one comfort ig lol!!! i cant enjoy steven universe or geshin or minrcerfta or mcyt or rio or ufckign anything i associatr you with anymore. it gives me awful memories. i wish we never started talkgn again. i wish moe enevr added youu to the groupchat. i wish we never played minecraft togegtehr and got closer and i wihs i never told you everything about me and i wish i didnt love you and i wish i still didnt lvoe you. i wish youd get out of my fucking head already. youve implanted such an effective seed in me thta weve been apartfor a month and im fucknig losing my mind even thoguh now im aware of what yu did.  good job i gues s because holy hell you are good at what you do. im so frustartded. i wish i could jutst fall offf the face if the earth and jsut forget about it and mvoe on wiht my life but i genuinely think this is gonna be something that stays with e froever. ive alrwady stopped trusting people as hard as i used to becasue of hat you did to me.f uck you fuck you fuck you fuc yku o fuck you fuck you

[oflgtfol]

bc i cant stop thinking abt that dream.. im gonna elaborate on it because it was so detailed and so long and felt so real

so it started off with me in a small library but like, it was so cramped and the lights were off. bookshelves were everywhere, and most were like only waist high? strange adults were everywhere, standing against the walls/shelves or sitting in the aisles. all had their hands cuffed behind their backs or in front of them and they all had like, tape or something over their mouths. but there were some adults among them in bullet proof vests and with guns in their hands. i dont know the situation like i dont even think i acknowledged it in the dream but from context clues im p sure it was like a hostage situation

so im in there sneaking around, in the back of my mind i just Know that my parents and my brother are also in the room also sneaking thru the aisles. all the hostage adults are staring at me like, acknowledging that they know im here to help rescue them. so after a few close calls around corners almost getting caught by the gunmen i get to a somewhat open area, meanig that its still cramped but its a small square between bookshelves with a table and 2 chairs. theres a TON of hostages squeezed into this area. i knew that that was the objective, that i had to get there

so me and my family burst forward and the gunmen spot us, but the hostages all help us overwhelm the guys. the gunmen are shooting blindly into the crowd, aiming mostly for me and my family, and SOMEHOW everybody else dodges it but me. literally it went in slow motion and i saw it like in third person, watching it come towards me and i was like “watch it hit me lmao. oh fuck its actually gonna hit me”

so i get shot in my stomach during all this and the pain just, it wasnt all that bad really? like it felt like uhm. getting hit with a water balloon actually (i was just in a water fight yesterday and now upon realizing this its like.... did that contribute to this dream....) so then its all clear like the bad guys are defeated, it gets kinda blurry at this point but i know in some disembodied way that i told my parents after everything wrapped up when they were asking if everyone was okay that i was hit, and they like, didnt care. i was like “HEY i got SHOT in the stomach!” and theyre like k and it took them foreverrrrrrr to get me medical attention. and i wasnt even.. bleeding outwardly? so i was so worried about internal bleeding because like HEY i have a bullet in me so i must be bleeding somewhere like,,, come on lmao

the next like visual thing i remember is in the hospital. its been a while since like, i woke up so this is kinda blurry too but i remember being put into a wheelchair by some nurses.. ive been in a wheelchair only once and that was in 2nd grade but this one i was allowed to use like, on my own, so it threw me off? and at this point i was like, fuck, i’ve been shot before when i was little. i’ve done this before. i had to go into surgery and everything. but it was all vague flashes i could barely remember it but it felt a lot like when i remember the major things from my childhood that i just COMPLETELY forgot about for so long, like speech therapy? like i had gotten injured from a gun when i was less than ten years old and i just, forgot about that? i was like HOW did i forget about this

so i was already in the hospital at this point but for the one room, i wheeled up to the entrance and it felt kinda like the 11th/12th grade cafeteria entrance that i use in school?? a small double door, blank walls, kinda dark, empty, and there was a nurse checking us in. at this point i was surrounded by all my classmates from my ap lang class, or maybe not ap lang in particular idk since like all the ap kids are mostly grouped together despite class? idk man. but my classmates were literally all fine idk why they were there? they werent even there for checkups or anything (disregarding the fact that you dont get a check up at a hospital you get that at a normal doctors office..) so i was there in my literal wheelchair and the nurse was like “wait your turn!!” she was really snooty it was annoying i was like, word for word, “uhm HELLO i have a GSW in my abdomen!!!!!!” and my one classmate finally spoke up as he was being checked in he was like “uh hey brot is here and like, got shot, so i think she should go first lmao?” so the nurse finally smiled at me and admitted me in

and it led to this small cramped room where they scanned your entire body for every single thing wrong with it adn they displayed it on a board where everyone could see, including my classmates, and i was like ohh my god. oh my god. the nurses were like “hm you could eat better but overall you’re in good health!” and i was like DUDE thats embarrassing i dont want everybody to see all my minute issues and LIKE I AM LITERALLY INJURED I HAVE A BULLET IN MY STOMACH WHY ARE YOU DISCUSSING MY DIET WHEN THERE ARE MORE PRESSING ISSUES...

so finally we go into the actual room and its this giant giant mostly empty room, im remembering this room from my first go at this from when i was a kid. theres a table in the middle thats pretty big but has.. no chairs around it... but theres puzzles and weird bookmark things scattered around on it to keep you occupied, and then theres a single table far removed from everything else, only long enough for a body and slightly wider, and theres one identical to that on the other side of the room. and i know from when i was a kid that those are for surgeries and like, i KNOW this but i was like, wrow thats unsanitary lmao

so i go to the table in the middle because thats where you’re supposed to wait till you’re called for surgery, but im so ANXIOUS because like.. its surgery... and now im remembering more of it from when i was a kid like im remembering going into it, waking up from it... my classmates are all sitting on the table like its some casual after school thing, theyre all talking

and then i remember from the first surgery. i remember the surgery itself. i apparently wasnt put under for it. i was conscious during it. i was numbed out obviously but like, i was AWAKE, and that makes me SO fucking scared for my upcoming surgery. like, enough that some of my classmates sense that im getting more and more anxious so they start shoving the bookmarks in my face, and the bookmarks are like the weird ones from the library irl that have quotes on them, and like i cant even read any because im just so anxious like im keeled over in the wheelchair so anxious about it, and the fact that my classmates are trying to interact with me during this is just making it worse like i APPRECIATE trying to make me feel better but i CANNOT read right now

and like, i was never called for surgery? im sitting there until the sun sets, but i only know that because i eventually leave the room just needing to do SOMETHING and the hospital lobby, for all the people waiting for patients? is empty and the sky outside is the dark blue kind of like, twilight

i really dont know how this dream suddenly turns, like i cannot remember the breaching moment and idk if its because its been almost 12 hours since i woke from the dream or if there even WAS a breaching moment

but the next thing i know is that me and shannen are running (me wheeling furiously) along the top of some like, wall. and the hospital looming in front of us is now some sort of fortified citadel, and we’re on one of the defensive walls around it, theres towers and spires everywhere in the distance around the citadel. and theres fucking. ANGELS attackign the place. the angels are classic white dress wearing, harp playing, type creatures but their eyes are all closed and black tears are running down their faces, and literally everything else about them is white. the dresses are this weathered white, their skin is weathered white (like, like marble but without the darker lines yknow?), and their eyes + tears are the darkest things on them so they stand OUT. and their mouths are flat lines, also black like as if its like, lineart or something yknow? like their faces look like masks but they arent. they have harps in one hand and then LONG ass swords in their other hands and they are fuckign terrifying

so me and shannen are outside of the main area of attack and we stumble upon this part of the wall thats like, collapsed, and theres a fucking OCEAN next to the citadel. so the stones that have fallen into the water, theres some sort of chariot on it with the same kind of look as the angels, white + black accent kinda look to it. the chariot is low lying and theres a figure laying over it, collapsed, reaching forward at nothing almost like a zombie trying to move? and he.. god i wanna say it was icarus but i really dont know because i feel, deep down that his name started with an e but i have no idea what dude it would be then bc i know it was a guy from greek mythology somehow but IDK WHO... so this guy also has the same vibe as the angels but his face is like, a fuckign mess, like it looked like he was melting (maybe thats why i wanna say icarus idk) but the melted parts were black, plus the black eyes (whcih were semi open) and the black tears and his mouth was kinda open in a silent wail (also black). i wanna say he had black hair too but idk maybe the whole black mass on his overall head was just the melting.. and this melted black liquid is strewn all over the chariot and the stone block thats barely out of the water. and out of the water, behind the chariot, all the angels were bursting forward and heading to the citadel like as if it was the Angel Spawn Point

IDK it was such a weird fuckign sight it looked like a fallen angel but i just knew deep down that it was some guy from greek mythology but I DONT KNOW WHO IT WOULD BE especially with a name starting with e..!!!

anyway yeah i woke up then. the whole angel sequence was super short compared to the rest of the dream, but it was more on par with what i normally dream than the rest? like i dont recall ever having guns in my dreams except for maybe one dream in middle school that was like,,,,, nuclear apocalypse type thing......... and never have i ever been like, INJURED like that in a dream? i’ve died in dreams yeah but ive never been like.. shot.. the closest thing i can think of was that one weird borderline nightmare earlier this year where i died of internal bleeding in school due to school negligence..... hm!

like idk this was just such a weird dream i normally have very very wild dreams with a more fantasy element to them, and the mundane ones are just me in school or on tumblr, like ive never had like, an ACTION MOVIE kinda thing??

and it felt SO REAL like when i woke up i literally thought that i had some sort of repressed gun related traumatic event from my childhood that i was only uncovering now and it was only when i realized that i was in bed and not like, at the hospital with a gun wound in my stomach, that i was like oh haha no thats not real

[petersvibes]

infinity war: a film in review

click the “keep reading” to see my fucking opinions (all of which are correct) about this hell movie

ok ONE: cap, buck, falcon, t’challa DESERVED MORE FUCKING SCREENTIME, shit was stupid, cap didn’t even look surprised when buck just evaporated like that, i’m mad

SECOND: VISION AND WANDA SHOULD BE DEAD I FUCKING HATE THEIR DUMBASSES. VISION SHOULD HAVE CROAKED WITHIN THE FIRST TWENTY MINUTES WHEN THAT ROBO FUCKER WAS STABBED. I’M SORRY PAUL BETTANY YOU SEEM LIT! YOU DO! BUT YOUR CHARACTER IS A MAGENTA PUSSY BOY AND I HATE HIM 

WANDA TOO. W H E R E WAS HER ACCENT? WHY IS SHE FUCKING THE ROBOT IT JUST H U R T S 

let me chill. i’m just saying i would’ve cut wanda/vision by like 60% in order to flesh out the holy quartet: T’CHALLA, STEVE, BUCKY, SAM. i’ll get back to that later

peter was sensational throughout his last scene killed me oscar worthy i was deceased

THOR STOLE THE FUCKING SHOW BREH! SO DID TYRION LANNISTER! (i know his name is peter dinklage lmfao) BUT! HE TOOK THE CAKE

but if i could’ve cut out like 3 minutes of his big arc for a LITTLE BIT OF FUCKING BUCKYCAP I WOULD’VE!!! THEY BARELY TALKED!! CAPTAIN AMERICA HAD LIKE 8 LINES! 

^^^ this is also just me complaining because i want chris evans to r** m* but that is neither here, nor there

i’m so glad hawkeye isn’t in this i hope he never comes back 

as for scott lang: dude you weren’t missed. i’ll see your movie though. maybe like, the second weekend tho. 

suspense was killer!

bruce in that damn suit was just odd as a mf i respected hulk’s choice but why??!?!? wasn’t he putting his intellectual input into helping shuri?? tea?!?

no idea how cap and nat and co ended up in scotland but Respect

I AM SO FUCKING READY FOR CAPTAIN MARVEL! this is what i need 

also i didn’t cry solely because i aint no pussy ass bitch but i’m just saying. Peter killed me. read this for proof

i’m also just saying that infinity war two is gonna change the game. i’m so glad it’s only a year away.

nothing but respect for My president, tony stark.

ok but tony was actually so good.

fuck bendyuck cumbersome but strange was good

OK THE EFFECTS OF EVERYTHINF WERE SO GOOD!!! LIKE THANOS? the LIGHT CAST ON HIM WHILE IN THE FOREST = BREATHTAKING

also anyone who pretends he doesn’t have a h*** d*** is fuckign lying to themselves. fucking lying 

the guardians = gold

even tho quill destroyed the universe #tea

sometimes it annoys me that they announce what’s coming bc now i know T’Challa and Peter P. will come back for their movie sequels

TEA: everyone vaporized will come back, but the asgardians, loki, gamora etc = Gone i’m sorry but it’s Troof

and if loki and gamora come back imma be MAD, not because i hate them but because their deaths were really important to the story (esp. gamora)

i think, while you don’t have to REALLY watch ALL the movies from the beginning before you see this, some of marvel’s greatest hits will suffice. eSPeciallY! iron man, cap 1, thor 1, avengers 1, gotg1+2, cap 2, avengers 2, ragnarok, hoco and civil war

this movie really doesn’t stand alone well, hence that list. like if you watch ragnarok and THEN civil war you’re really mentally prepared i feel

i just fucked so hard w thor, when he came out in that classic suit with the new hammer and the two eyes, the lightning and everything. i’m hip

drax = that bitch

unpopular onion but i don’t want thanos to suffer in death he’s really such a bad bitch despite his stupid ass logic, bitch the universe is infinite idk why you think population control is the issue when the rich procreate too… but whatever purple daddy, push me off a ledge ig

i want him to mean more tho.

overall this is a really good movie, super entertaining with literally with no logic whatsoever but there’s no intellect in space. i give it an 85.5 right now but i’m seeing it at LEAST!! 2-3 more times in theaters so that might change

if you want to talk about it! my inbox is free!

[cheezybiouwiou]

archived from that secret q account.

ghosty boiyou are my world, and no matter how shitty the world gets i can't imagine one without youJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou are a part of me, and i know whatever happens, you always will beJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you, but the more we're apart and the less i see you, the more i remember all the painJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhatever you say, what your family does, it affects me, and when im with you it will always be like that. i dont know if i can cope, and im breaking inside because i love you, but i know you've hurt me so much and i dont know what to feelJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisome part of me wonders if its too late. you broke me. you hurt me so bad, and ive forgiven you so many times for things youve done that you dont even know you haveJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont love me anymoreJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont careJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boingl it kinda hurts me that you care so much about him? i know not in a loving way, but like you caring so much about him makes me feel like you care less about me, idk maybe im just jealous and selfishJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want to read anything on this acc bc it will just bring up old pain. nd tbh if anyone found this there would be a lot of painJune 26, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmao so i just found out the reason i'm suspended is bc my boyfriend ratted my mum out to his parents and my best friend ratted me out to him mum and the teachers and then my mum went ape shit and then they all pretended they didnt?May 5, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boireally fucking hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiand u have the nerve??? u cant remember me or anythin and uve been in such a bad place what since december?? thats 5 fuckin months man that ive been workin my ass off to support u nd help u get through so u dont fuckin die and this is what i get back? honestly im not mad im just really really hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiiodk now that u throwing this shit abck at me its like u blamin me? like boy u were so much worse than me already u were one of the ppl who dragged me into a darker place but i stuck w u bc i loved nd cared nd now ur saying it my fault that u cut and that ur more depressed? bitch i try fuckin hard for u man and this is what i get back? u say i dont care that u alwasy comfort me when i work my ass off to get through to u and help u, when u just then reject me anyways - and proceed to say i dont try and that you want the help?? if you want the help then fuckin accept it ive tried so hard for u man?? vbut u dont see it do uApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou dont actiually want to be with me do you?March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me happy but im sad atm bc i dont wahnt you to dieeeeee nad i just want to be happy and you to be happyMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me so happy but i know i dont do that for you. my own insecurities mean that whenever any1 jokes abt anything i take it as real,, im insecure abt everytihng so every joke from everyone hurts me,. i care too much abt what ypu thinkMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont know do you want me??March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilitearlly no one caresFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one wants me haha!February 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha im so unwantedFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim not funn yim not smart im not useful im not talented im notmusical iumd fucjkign rpirdjbialedgesd im not a figood friend im nbot wirty i cant do anyithng im depresy wtihotutht e humoisr im eneddy im annoying i dongt get it im a fuckifng burden wso why are yioui still here whenvrber you see these things inothe rpsoelpe you hate htem gfor it wahyt fucking makles m efidferntFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boioyu literally dislike ebverything abtou me tyour jsut blind i dont get tiFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim evenrwyihtg you hate abtout this worldFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihs ill never be fuckign fgoos enoughFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha lmao u didnt see me crying uwuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiu ran awya from meFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment 3 · Like ghosty boihehe im terrified of losing you for a different reason now but ig it doesnt matter bc u dont wannt me anywasyuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you so much i just wnat to help i dont i can tlose youFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihow can oyu say you dont feel and say you love me? i know you feel, you just try not toFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want you to hurt me but yousoFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiyou lie to me. you dont call it lying but it isFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwonder what it's like to be okayFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii can't carry this anymoreFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyin and yang, happiness always comes with sadness. if you have one you have to have the other. whats the point in feeling and living at all because even if you achieve happiness you will always have sadness. it is always htereFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boione day of warmth isnt worth a year of coldFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihappinesss is fleetingFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy am i always the one who hads to repaireFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wihs oi culd he good enoguhFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiic ared about you but all you do is hurt meFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou just use me i dont understand i thought we were friendsFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boievent eh ppl eho care about me thinj uim worhtless, useless, dumb, stupid, weird, fucking djsfhalkdjfhreesstardsedJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy do you keep reminding me of my insecuriteS? i think everyone does. i shoulf tlak to you about it, but i d onnt want to make you walk on eggshelslsJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiwer both yknow you cousdl do so m uch better htan meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii see it in your eeys, i sese the dissapointment, the 'what the fuck', youer crazy, ur weird, ur rude, ur pathetic, why can yt you be normlak, youe fake, you re not ogod enogumJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiur gonna brkea up with me one dya becaues liets be real inm not oging to do it but you wilwl get sick of me you jsut put up with me atm ur blifnefd by emptions - despite that you can still see im fuvkignJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim just not finny or smart or nice or anyinthig gim jstu not good enoguh nd ikjwo i never will neJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiill never be good enough icoulndt even last a dayJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmfao i m actually fucking discusintgnJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii knwo im just annoying, no one realyt wants me aorundJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim getting sicjk of peoplke using meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii will never be good enough, i will never be good aerat anythingJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim fugcking sfisdudcisigng im such asuhit firend i dont know anyithng i dony care abt eanyone arenough i dont remmebe ran ythonig im never good enouhgJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boidespite how i present muself i dont feelsihlike a girl i jhate hit it hahtkljeshrkljsdfxklsjg bJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou will never be able to see past being sad that im not talking, see that there may be a real reasoon, because you will be too self absorbed to even realise that im not okayJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boithing is though if i dont help you you you will get all sad and upset (despite ignoring me) and wont even give me the chance to give a reason why, beacuse the reason is im struggling atm as well and need support myself but youre too stubborn to get your head out of your ass and realise that i need help toJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou always ignore me its pissing me off you just use me for when you need me and thats itJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont think ill ever be good enoughJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boimonths. it took monthsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boior is that just an excuse?January 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiits so goddamn sad how you always pull away, but now isnt the time to mention itJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii feel like you dont actally want me around idk it just hruts when you distance urself rom meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one really truyts meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one caresJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou try and hel[p fuckignf ocus on yourself i want you to live ghoddamnihntJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhats tyhe point in all this imf im judt going to lose you anyayJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii want to be better, and seperately i just want them to be happy nd idc howJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never actually help lmao they were there for me yesterday when i was falling appart but i cant even help when they are sad or downJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighs now im wondering if im not good enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wish i could be enough, but i know i never will be. i know its not personal and i am not upset as such by it, i can accept it. i just am upset for them because i want to someone, something to be enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont even know whats real anymore i cant tell what happened, what i thought happened, what was a dream, what i was hallucinating, what was flashbacks, what i wish had happened i cant even trust myself so how can i trust anyone elseJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so done. im so tired with trying im so tired with everythingJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so sadJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii got down bc of ehta they did but that didnt change anythgin they got fuvkin down otooJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never helpJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim nfuckin uselessJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like

[kingdomoftyto]

Caught up on Lucifer

Putting the rest of my thoughts behind a cut because some people (you know who you are) will want to avoid

~✨~✨~SPOILERS~✨~✨~

~

SO

mmMMMMMMICHAEL

RIGHT??

JUST?

OKAY? Okay okay oKAY let me try to just. So. So, Michael, I wasn’t sure what to think, right, like I’m sure MOST people watched that and were like “what the fuck???” because like really?? literally an evil twin?? with a FUCKIGN SCAR GHDSJFJDS?? they really just??? BUT ALSO IT??? IT FITS???? because like

listen

this is the dumbest, trope-iest show ever made and that’s why we love it, right, 

but also it makes a shocking amount of sense with what we know about Lucifer’s other siblings and the whole family’s relationship with God etc and also just,, symbolically,,,, Lucifer’s oldest and worst enemy sharing his face like FUCK it’s e x a c t l y as stupid and BRILLIANT and on-the-nose as I would HOPE it would be for this show 

(Tangent Time: what a fuckign POWERFUL EPISODE s5e2 was riGHT??? Michael says “yeah mum was unwell” and Chloe POUNCES ON THAT SHIT like “hold the goddamn phone here, you don’t lie” and I YELLED because it was INSTANT and it was SO SATISFYING... but then I don’t know the last time I’ve EVER felt so uncomfortable as when she was seducing him and I didn’tn know if this was going to be an agonizing season-long deception like with Cain but then CHLOE FFFFFFFUCKIGN DECKER!!!! SHOOTS HIM IN THE FUCKENGIN LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT AN ICON)

and anyway back to Michael I just

as I just said, I loved how they used him to illustrate Chloe’s unshakeable bond with Luci in e2, but not long after that I couldn’t quite shake the feeling of “what... what are they GOING FOR with this guy??” like 

all the other angels

Amenadiel, Uriel, Azrael, Remiel, 

they all act as antagonistic figures at one point or another and some even act violently or threateningly but 

they all do this because they think they’re doing it for the Greater Good or as part of Dad’s Plan or

But then we have M I C H A E L who?? everyone apparently KNOWS is a troublemaker and a liar and a schemer who has always been envious of his own brother and he’s just! 

he’s BAD!

he’s MALICIOUS!

he’s kind of shaping up to be EVIL???! 

It’s pretty FUCKED UP for an Angel of the Lord to be so blatantly dark!! is what I’m saying!!

but over the course of the 8 episodes I warmed to him as a character because it’s like, okay, the idea is he’s got just as much of a rebellious streak and a need for attention as Lucifer, but because he was always in Luci’s shadow (heh), he ended up letting Lucifer get HIS hands dirty and literally take the fall for a rebellion which, apparently?, both of them wanted? but yeah so the takeaway is he’s a manipulator, and he picks at people’s fears and anxieties until they do what he wants and they think it was their OWN idea to do so

and so he’s gotten away with it for millennia because he’s so good at what he does that no one even realizes he’s doing it, or at least not on a scale that matters--they think he’s just an annoying but harmless pest

And anyway so after a while I realize his character DOES make sense the more I let it sink in and he is, just,, the WORST and I can’t BELIEVE they managed to make him so perfectly detestable but FUCK,

THEN:

I JUST WENT: 

“oh”

AND THEN TBH MY JAW DIDN’T PICK BACK UP FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE

^THIS WAS THE FACE I MADE FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE^

fuck fUCK I love these showrunners and these writers and UGH where’s the rest of the season I just

I need

the rest

I need the rest of the season I’m 

why is God there 

what does that even mean

and we didn’t

LuciFER STILL HASN’T SAID IT

HE STARTED TO FUCKING SAY IT AND HE WAS GOING TO AND HE WAS ANGRY THAT HE GOT INTERRUPTED SAYING IT BUT! HE!! 

and also,, there’s still all this weird energy around Maze and Linda or maybe it’s just my wishful thinking but jesus christ she keeps saying she wants a soulmate and saying everyone has rejected her or run away but Linda is still always there for her except when Charlie was actively screaming like look, I know it’s not the complete 100% focused attention Maze is imagining, but Linda is still THERE, okay,,  and like they even pretended to be a fucking couple in one episode I’m in agony and like being realistic they’re probably gonna have Maze either track down Eve or even more likely just find peace with HERSELF and realize that she DOESN’T need a soulmate to be fully actualized and happy but I’m fuckin ride-or-die for Lindakeen til the END, babey, and I will NOT be swayed 

and then hhh

Chloe and Lucifer were finally!!! TOGETHER together!!!! they were being intimate and openly affectionate and Chloe moved her workspace to the penthouse and Lucifer was talking about his feelings and telling Trixie stories and they both kept calling back to things like their first kiss and meals they’d eaten together and fffFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAA everything was so soft and hHHHHHhhh and now it’s!! FUCK

and 

AND

and I don’t knwo

this is already longer than I had planned ghhghdhf I mostly needed to get my thoughts out about Michael and to fucking scream that they literally made their ultimate end-villain for this show an entitled manipulative douchebag that THINKS IT’S FUNNY TO “TRIGGER” HIS ENEMIES

JUST

WOW

...

...

...p.s. god i meant to say some stuff about Pete too but i’ve said enough so tl;dr Ella didn’t deserve to be used as that kind of plot device and I’m  not thrilled with the way the narrative played out around Pete, like,, at all,,, like I know what they were going for and I get it but it was,, off,,,, anyway I’m hopeful they’ll redeem it in the second half of the season bc my girl deserves better

and I’m shutting up and hitting post now please end my suffering this show is hell

EDIT: OH FUCK!! AND DAN KNOWS NOW WHICH I DIDN’T EXPECT IN A MILLION YEARS, FUKC,, I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW QUICKLY HE BECAME GENUINELY SYMPATHETIC FOR ME, WHAT THE FUCK I’M ACTUALLY WORRIED FOR HIM NOW AAAA

EDIT2: and! and why is one of Michael’s wings crooked!! why does he have the weird sloping posture like one of his shoulders is higher than the other!! like!! did one of his wings get broken in the past or something what why what!!!! I have so many goddamned questions I’m ffghffhfhhhh