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queer-as-frikc · 4 years

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My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

#transphobia #transphobia tw #biphobia tw #abuse tw

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gayfrenchtoast · 4 years

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CONTINUATION OF HARRY POTTER IF LILY AND JAMES DIDNT DIE

Pt 2

This is my favourite movie in the franchise so buckle up, this has more words than some of my uni essays

Goblet of fire! Harry is having repeated nightmares About Voldemort and Lily and James don't know what to do so to try and cheer him up they agree to go to the world cup quidditch match after Ron sends Harry an excited letter about it.

(TW implied ab*se)

When they get there Harry and Draco spot each other and share a look. they both manage to sneak off for a quick hug and a talk and Harry is incredibly worried when he sees a bruise on Draco’s forehead. Draco doesn't want to talk about it but Harry is worried af so Draco agrees to try and sneak off again after the match so Harry can introduce him to his parents and they can talk about it. Draco reluctantly agrees.

(TW over)

The match goes great, Ron is swooning over Krum and being a closeted bi disaster.

after the match, Draco shows up as agreed and Harry takes him to meet his parents. James is a lil sus of him because “that's Lucius Malfoy's spawn” but once he talks and sees the nervous stuttering disaster who looks like he's ready to up and run off like a scared animal any moment he concludes that he would kill for him.

Draco admits he feels unsafe at home and his parents are trying to talk him into doing stuff he doesn't want to do. James straight-up asks if it's relating to the dark lord and Draco looks surprised but admits that “some of it” is.

kinda unrelated but James and Lily later agree that from the way their son was looking at him and all the things he's doing for him Harry probably has a crush on Draco.

Cue death eater attack.

Panic, James and Lily are in protective parent mode, they group up with the Weasleys who are too busy to be confused at Draco’s presence. they all go off running.

Harry and Draco get split from the others because they were clinging to each other's hands and in the panic, most of the others don't notice until it’s too late. They are both basically as scared as each other at the attack but for different reasons. Harry falls and gets kick knocked out and Draco has to drag him to a hidden area to hide until he comes to.

they manage to evade detection until Harry comes to just in time to see the Dark mark go into the sky. Draco holds him tighter as he sees it not realising he's awake until moments later. when the figure comes closer they both scramble up to run but the figure leaves and Hermione and Ron find them before the ministry attempts to stupify them and Ron and Harry’s parents yell at them furiously to not hurt their kids.

Crouch tries to accuse them of setting off the dark mark but that just makes Lily more furious, yelling at him that they're kids and “do you really think my son, the one who was almost killed by Voldemort as a child, would call the dark lord?!” Draco plucks up enough courage to tell them harry was out for most of it and They both saw a man shoot the mark into the sky. They aren't fully believed of course.

Then Lucius shows up in a flurry and grabs Draco, Chastising him for running off and “where was he?! there was an attack and he was in the middle of it?!” James steps up and informs Lucius that his son had saved his and he was very grateful and Lucius looks at all the eyes on him and claims he raised him well before muttering “not well enough” as he drags Draco off.

Draco and Harry share one more look before Draco is forced away.

At school, Mad eye Moody is introduced. Harry has heard of Moody before from his dad and something is very right AND wrong about him. Goblet of fire tournament introduced, other schools introduced, bla bla bla, Ron bi panic.

When Draco tries to talk to Harry Draco avoids him and Harry knows somethings wrong but since Draco is avoiding everyone but a few other Slytherins he struggles with what to do about it and his persistence to talk just causes a few arguments.

They watch Fred and George make arses of themselves and Harry gives an up and down of Cedric when he puts his name in cus that's one tall glass of water.

Champions get picked and Cedric being picked gives harry kinda crush feels but then Harry’s name comes out and confusion ensues. they accuse harry of putting his name in but are unable to pull harry out for some stupid reason.

When Draco sees Harry after that there's a sort of guilty look in his eyes but he still avoids him so harry cant ask

Harry gets more of a crush on Cedric every time they talk but knows that probably won't fly especially with the whole “sneaky Slytherin potter got his mane in the goblet of fire he's an asshole” shit going around school.

When he writes to his parents about it Lily sends letters to Dumbledore trying all she can to get Harry pulled out “he's a kid he may die!” but the headmaster replies with “there's nothing I can do” every time.In comparison James’ letter to harry basically is “knock em dead slugger :D”

Draco has picked Bullying back up to vent his obvious internal struggle which gets him turned into a ferret by Moody. Even though they’re in some kind of argument Harry jumps in to grab him and keep him from harm while Mcgonagal yells at Moody. Harry thinks to himself that Draco makes a very cute ferret.

when Draco is turned back harry is still holding him (bridal style of course) and Draco shoves him off which gets him dropped and they have an argument. Draco claims that he “doesn't need his help and he and his father don't think he’d last in this tournament” which makes Harry think Draco may have been lying to him since he’s siding with his father prompting an “I don't care what your father thinks and much less you!” and storm off

Ron is also mad because he belives Ron went behind his back to put his name in the goblet of fire (and that he now gets to compete with Krum) and calls him a Slytherin (derogatory) and that he should never have trusted him and known that Harry was a sneak from the moment he was put in his house

Harry really feels like everyone is against him but that just makes him want to prove everyone wrong.

Harry and Ron have their little back and forth with Hermione but actually ends up yelling at Ron that he was being stupid refusing to talk to him and even though he did well he never wanted this. He doesn't think he's special and Ron was supposed to be his best friend and understand when he's telling the truth.

Ron can't come up with a good comeback and stutters before he storms off.

With some advice from Moody and a heads up from Hagrid, Harry summons the firebolt his Dad bought him for Christmas that year and has a fly off against the dragon.

He wins and the crowd goes wild, even Draco runs up with the Crowd with so much relief on his face and looks like he wants to hug him yet remembers himself and slips away.

Harry will remember that.

Hermione is Happy and even Ron looks more upbeat and proud of his friend.

Celebration at Slytherin Common room, many Slytherins are happy at winning something, some are excited at the idea harry may prove they’re not all bad, Despite Rita Skeeta’s reporting.

Ron and Harry end meeting up outside of the dorm rooms and apologising and making up. They try to open the egg together which goes badly and they get caught sneaking about at night. Harry is happy they're mostly all friends again especially since he'd been talking Nevil’s ears off about all his problems since he was the only one who would hang out with him.

Ron and Hermione tell Harry how Krum seemed to be running into Hermione and Ron allot and kinda showing off, Ron has been hanging around with her allot more (which is unconfirmed whether it is a Coincidence or whether Ron started to hang out with Hermione more because Krum was “bumping into” them allot.) and Hermione ended up inviting Krum to hang out with them a bit. This was mainly to send Ron into bi panics more, deffinately not because she also may kinda like him, and Ron eventually admits to Harry and Hermione that he “may possibly” be a little bit Bi. Harry pats him on the back and tells him “at least you're not in the tournament and have a crush on one of your competitors.” “you have a crush on Krum too?!” “No! But I, y’know, kinda like Cedric. He’s nice!” cue teasing.

Harry gets letters from his parents congratulating him but warning him to be careful. James is more pumped at his victory than Lily and wishes he could be there to see it but He had apparently been “threatened with being turned into a spoon.“ if he tried to sneak in to watch.

Cedric later gives Harry some advice on the egg and Harry is so swept up in cute boy that he almost forgets the advice but he does find out what the next quest is.

Nevil gives Harry the Gillyweed for the test after being given the book as a very apt apology for a hufflepuff for scaring him.

Harry is pushed in and swims down and finds that the ones under the water are Fleur’s little sister, Cho Chang, Ron and Draco?

Harry is confused and tries to get both Ron and Draco but the Mermaids threaten him. Krum shows up and signals he's There for Ron. And Cedric goes for Cho but Harry knows Fleur went down and they're running out of time so he gets Draco free and does the good thing to free Fleur’s sister. he carry-swims them up while fighting off mermaids just in time.

Draco clings to him in a panic when he comes to when they surface and Harry doesn't let him push him away this time.

Hoorah Harry gets extra points for saving two people.

Ron is surprised Krum rescued him and ask and Krum be like "I actually like both of you and I was freaking out because I didn't know which of you would be under the water".

Ron bi panic stutters because his Boy Crush likes him and his cute best friend.

While they're all drying off Draco tells Harry that he knows harry still cares for him because of that and tells him he shouldn't and it clicks for Harry Draco may just be trying to push him away. He tells him even if Draco punched him in the face Harry would stop caring about him. Draco is frustrated by this and points his wand at him but ends up storming off, clearly conflicted.

Stuff in dumbledors office happens yada yada, Harry saw his parents at the trial he sees Barty Crouch at. already knew snape was a death eater turned spy.

I’ve decided the dance is here as a “last hurrah before the final task” because it makes sense.

Krum approaches Ron and Hermione and is like “I wanna ask both of you to the ball but I am apparently only allowed one date cus I have to do the Ceremonial dance with a partner” and they're both flattered and have like a little “you do it” “no you do it” but eventually conclude Hermione can do the dance with Krum (she is the prettier one) and then the three of them can hang out as secret dates later because Ron is publicly in the closet.

However, the secret bit is hard to keep because when people tease Ron for “not having a date” Krum keeps putting his arm around him and glaring at people to scare them off.

Harry isn't as interested in not having a date as he is about Draco not having one. Draco is annoyed Harry won't leave him alone and keeps worrying about him and they're having a little “argument” in the common room about it when Snape comes up all “Potter. you and Malfoy are making a disturbance. If you cannot solve your...relationship issues I will make him your date to the ball since you do not have one yet.” “Wh-but sir! Draco does not have one either!” “Making him the perfect candidate. You have until the end of the day to prevent this.”

Neither of them finds anyone who wants to go or is free in time.

Harry does ask the twins but they say to his face “why would you ask us? you’re gay” which is how Harry finds out there's a rumour that he's gay because he's obviously got some kind of crush on Cedric

Harry has no idea what sexuality is but he at least knows he's not straight.

This does not change their minds and when he sees Draco he can tell by the looks of him he's failed too. Harry decides to just bite the bullet and sits next to Draco. “look...I know you’re trying to push me away. I don't know why I don't know if you hate me or what but...I don’t hate you. I care about you. And I don’t mind going to the dance with you and we’re probably going to have to so I might as well ask. Would you go to the Dance with me?” “...my father better not hear about this.”

Draco and Harry end up going together.

Draco insists he's not going to get his feet stepped on so teaches Harry how to dance in their dorm room which serves for good bonding. they don't talk about why Draco has been avoiding him but when Harry messes up Draco’s chastising is fond and when Harry falls and knocks books on his head they laugh. they're finally back to teasing each other like friends and Harry can dance just well enough Draco is fine to dance with him.

Ron is dejected by what he's been sent to wear and Hermione doesn't want him to die from embarrassment or bail on their date so she helps him transfigure his clothes into something better looking and smelling.

Hermione is already radiant and Ron has a little heart attack because his best friend is cute?? and he and his best friend are both dates to the cute boy at the dance?? why are both of them so attractive?? panic??

The main dance goes pretty well. Harry only stands on Draco’s foot once.

At the main party bit they all dance and have fun mostly. Krum sneaks off with Hermione for a bit and she returns a little flustered and daze, tags Ron in and he sneaks off.

He and Krum are caught making out behind a curtain by Semus and Dean later.

Harry and Draco get teases because Hogwarts is basically a British Private school and “eww gaaay” but anyone who is outright prejudiced is grabbed by McGonalal and forced to leave so people catch on real quick that it's not something to make fun of.

Draco and Harry are having fun but after Harry leaves him at a table for a minute to go get some drinks he returns to see Draco looking spaced out. He asks what's wrong and Draco tries to deflect but eventually admits he missed having fun with him and he missed him in general. Harry asks why he was avoiding him in the first place and Draco shakes his head and gets up to leave but Harry grabs his hand and begs him to talk to him. Draco looks at him with the same look that he'd given him at the quidditch games and Harry knows immediately. They leave the party to talk.

(TW MORE TALK ABOUT AB*SE)

Draco admits that his father has been awful to him and has threatened him to stay away from him. he tells Harry that he was being groomed into becoming a death eater because they believed the dark lord was returning. Harry is horrified that the man to kill his family may be returning and Draco was being hurt and forced into things because of it. Draco is a mess because part of him still loves his family but he doesn't wanna stay there. Harry isn't sure what to do. He hugs Draco as he cries and tells him if he needs out Lily, James and he would tear down Malfoy manor to get him to a safe place. Draco is thankful but doesn't know if that would work. Harry says they could also go to Dumbledoor with this information but Draco is terrified that nothing would be done and they’d tell his Father. Harry agrees to be quiet for now but tells him he’d come to help him alone if he needed someone. Draco agrees to not push him away anymore and let Harry send a letter to his parents telling them about it.

(TW over)

A few days later, just before the maze trial, Draco pulls Harry aside at Breakfast with a letter in hand from his Father. The letter alludes that he won't be attending the Final trial as invited to because something is going down with the death eaters connected to the trial. Draco still doesn't want to go to Dumbledore or anyone so Harry just agrees to be careful and then gets to show Draco the letters he received from his parents saying they would literally do anything to keep Draco safe and would happily hide him even at the risk of imprisonment in Azkaban.

Draco is brought strange comfort at that.

Lily and James attend the final trial as do the rest of the champion parents. James is so stoked at how well his son had been doing in all these trials and bigs him up and gets him excited for the final one.

More responsibly Lily warns him to be careful and that she thinks something is off about Krum. Harry brushes it off because he knows and trusts Krum but when he sees him he realises he does look a little off and from the looks of Ron and Hermione they see it too.

When Harry sees Cedric with his excited dad he realises he has hardy thought about his crush on him since the Whole thing with Draco and the dance.

James sees Harry off with Moody and when James tries to talk to Moody as a friend Moody gives him a weird look and short responses. James goes back to Lily as soon as the maze closes the contestants are in, telling her somethings wrong with Moody. They discuss it as the trial goes on.

In the maze Harry concludes there's something definitely wrong with Krum after he sees him, immediately noticing he is Bewitched when he sees his eyes and what he did to Fleur.

So yeah maze happens, grab cup, portkeyed away, dark lord resurrection ceremony, Cedric fuckin murdered. Harry finds out he has some deeper connection with the dark lord after his blood is used in the ceremony. He also is vindicated, despite his fear, that he sees Draco was right when he sees Lucious as a death eater.

Voldemort messes with him by telling him about how he had almost killed his parents, that their and Sirius’s attacks drove him to try and escape upstairs, leading to his room. He tried killing him to emotionally cripple them but only got a finger on his head when Lily rushed in and with some unknown strong power nearly destroyed him. The Death eaters called Harry the boy who lived because of it. But now he was back and could kill harry however he pleased.

He releases Harry for their Duel, Cedric’s spirit emerges to aid him and with some unknown power and the help Harry fight him off and port keys his and Cedric’s body back.

do, dododo do do, dododo do do, do do do do do do- holy fuck is that kid dead?!

Harry bursts into tears and wails when he gets back to the entrance, crying about the dark lord.

Cedric’s dad manages to rush up and more crying ensues but when Lily and James try to get to Harry they re held back and only don't keep pushing because Moody pulls Harry away. They frantically try to follow, stopped by Dumbledoor and are delayed while they swap notes. Draco manages to slip out of the crowd and to them too, worried for Harry.

Moody reveals himself to be evil not moody and goes to kill Harry when Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, Lily and James bust him and push him back, followed closely by Draco who rushes towards Harry.

Snape forces Not Moody to drink the truth Serum and make him tell them where real Moody is. James is incredibly relieved to see him.

They see not moody change into Barty crouch jr and try to attack the boys when they lean down to look. Lily makes them stand behind her and basically smacks Dumbledor away when he tries to grab Harry for his arm, gently taking it herself to show. Draco is terrified at the dark mark and audibly gasps, whispering “that's the same as...” cutting himself off when Jr looks and smirks at him. Croutch Jr tells them the dark lord has returned. Harry apologises but Lily hugs him with one hand and tells him it's okay and not his fault.

Draco, instead of being scared, looks defiant and to Harry. He asks “was he there?” and when he gets a nod tells them that his father has that mark and is a death eater and he has letters proving it. Jr’s face twists and he snaps at Draco “YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR INSOLENCE BOY!!” but is held back by Snape and Dumbledore ushers Lily and the boys out, telling McGonagal to contact Azkaban while Snape and James stay behind to guard Jr and get real moody free.

Draco hands over all the evidence that his father is a death eater to Dumbledore and Harry gives a testimony of all he saw and all this is later taken to court. We will touch back on this in a minute.

Krum is freed from Barty crouch Jr’s Bewitchment and wakes up to a worried Hermione and Ron over him. he makes a stupid joke about dying going to heaven “because he’s Surrounded by angels” which gets him a slap from Hermione, Ron exclaiming “Mione!” a second before she kisses him. Krum has a stupid smile on when she moves away. “that was the best slap I ever got. do I get another?” he looks to Ron who mumbles “I’ll skip the slap” before he kisses him too.

You may have noticed but I stan poly ships arite? I couldn't miss this opportunity especially since I think Hermione could have had a pretty good relationship with big beefy bear Krum and when Ron’s Bi panic came in I couldn’t resist.

So Ron and Hermione both agree to write to Krum when he asks on the day he departs and he pulls Ron aside to tell him that If Ron knows Krum can like two people at once he should know he and others can too, looking to Hermione. Ron is a flustered mess but happily accepts a parting kiss.

They do write to him and get pretty good at long distance.

Lucius is tried and held under heavy suspicion of being a death eater as the courts refuse to acknowledge the Dark Lord’s return. the court battle takes a good majority of the Summer that Draco spends in Malfoy Manor with just his mother until it is ruled that Lucius is a death eater however since they cannot confirm that the dark lord HAS returned or which death eater acts he committed they would put him on house arrest. they do this even with Draco’s accusations of what he's done to him.

However, almost to try and make up for that somehow, they do allow Draco to decide if he wants to stay at home or go somewhere else. He soon decides that he’d feel much safer elsewhere so asks to be looked after by the Potter’s. the courts just about agree.

Woo! Draco saved! They stay at the Potter household for a bit until they conclude it’s not safe and moved to Sirius and Remus’s house which is well hidden.

Due to concerns about the dark lord, the rest of the Order of the Pheonix slowly do too including Ron, his family, and Hermione.

Cue Order of the Pheonix in another post because WOW this one was long!

#harry potter #harry potter rambles #fuck jk rowling #yes ron and hermione got a boyfriend before Drarry happened just wait #i'll get to it #harry potter au #harry potter re-write #james potter #lily potter #draco malfoy #harry potter and the goblet of fire #abuse tw #tw abuse

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qtyanan · 6 years

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Awkward Silence

summary: all he wanted was to pass his math test, but he got a lot more than that out of asking for study help.

pairing: student!Yang Jeongin x female reader

rating: fluff!! :3

No matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, Jeongin was terrible at math. He couldn’t make sense of equations to save his life, and every number and letter seemed to float off the page as he wrote them.

It showed in his grades - constant failing tests that he had to bring home to get signed. He stayed after school many times to get help from the teacher, but it never helped. How Teacher explained everything seemed to make it even harder.

Now, he sits in the library, nervously twiddling his pencil around his fingers with his books on the table in front of him. He watched kids walking out to the buses from the window, upset with himself that he had to stay back again. Only this time, it was going to be with a teacher. Another student was assigned to help him, someone from a higher class that he didn’t know. He was embarrassed by it, and he was glad no one else was there to witness yet another failure, or so he thought.

You were in the same grade as him, just taking the honors calculus class. When Teacher asked you to help Jeongin, you were happy to take up the task as you had seem him around the halls. You were secretly looking forward to it, since you thought he seemed like a nice boy - you wanted to be friends with him, but you weren’t really sure how to approach him - until now.

You hurriedly go to the library. You were a little later than you’d like, and your teacher had kept the class minutes after the bell rang. You almost stumble through the door when you finally get there.

“Jeongin?” You call out to him, making him jump in his skin, accidentally flicking the pencil across the table. You bit your tongue to hold in your laugh, which failed when Jeongin made a small noise in surprise. “Sorry I’m a little late, my teacher held the class too long.”

You sat down next to him, and he watched you do so with butterflies in his stomach. What you didn’t know, was that Jeongin thought the same way as you - he always sees you, but he thought you were so pretty and was always too shy to talk to you. Now, here you are, sitting with him and helping him with Calculus.

“I’m Y/n,” you put your hand out for him to shake, which he awkwardly took.

“I’m Jeongin - wait, you already knew that...” He obviously cringes at his awkwardness, and you can’t help but think he’s cute, which his blushing cheeks and nervous eyes.

He wasn't sure what to say at all. He was taken back by the pretty girl sitting next to him, and he watched as you pulled the textbook and notepad out of your bag.

“So,” you start, not really sure where to begin with this, “What is your class working on right now?”

As Jeongin was reminded that you were here to help him, he quietly huffed and opened his textbook to the section that they went over in his class that day. You looked and saw it was logarithms.

“Oh! This is easy, the calculator does all the work for you. Here, look-” You grabbed the graphing calculator out of your bag and scooted closer to Jeongin, close enough so you could both look at the screen. As you scooted closer, though, Jeongin froze, as he could start to smell your sweet perfume and your pretty hair fell towards him.

Focus, Yang Jeongin! Keep your professionalism! You need to focus so you can pass this dreadful class!! He mentally smacked himself and held his breath, looking at the calculator with you.

Two hours had passed, and you and him were able to go through all of his late homework, failed tests and scribbled notes. You made it all seem as easy as addition, and you were easier to listen to than that wicked witch of a teacher. You were able to show him easy ways to do equations, and through all of it, you didn’t make him feel stupid - like Teacher always did, and for that, he was beyond grateful.

“So, you should be good for your test tomorrow, yeah?” You gave him a proud smile, watching at how he breezed through the last sheet of homework.

“Yeah, wow uh, Y/n... you made it seem so easy,” He sigh heavily as if he’d ran a mile, and you laughed awkwardly.

“I had your teacher last semester, and he’s really hard to understand... So I understand where your frustration is coming from,”

He really wanted to hug you right then and there. How could a smart girl be so pretty and nice? If anyone else was in your seat, they would have made him feel like dirt. But not you, you made it all seem okay, and all of this told him that he nothing to fear when he wanted to talk to you in the halls.

“Well, my ride’s gonna be here soon...” You sighed when you looked at the time on your phone, because you had to admit - you really enjoyed sitting there with Jeongin. But, since there was tomorrow you could talk to him again, you started to pack your bag back up.

“Hey wait-” He quickly starts, causing you to pause. “Uh... Can I have your phone number? I-in case i have any questions...?” He didn’t know why, but he was so nervous to even ask you. You were so nice, but something in him told him that you were too cool to talk to him.

“Oh, yeah! Of course!” You kept a bright smile, making Jeongin’s hands shake as he handed you his phone. You put your number and gave it back, then gave him a little wave and left the library to head home. Jeongin packed his stuff up and made his way home as well.

This was probably the first time Jeongin wasn’t dreading his math test. He did text you last night, he had forgotten how to solve a problem but also... He just wanted to say hi. When you saw him that morning, you made sure to wish him luck. You wouldn’t believe how much he appreciated that, it showed that you cared at least a little bit, and he thought he could use some luck.

After the test was finished and class was almost done, Jeongin’s teacher graded the tests as students finished. Therefore, his test was handed back to him with a ‘good job’ from Teacher.

Thanks to you, he got a 95% on his test. He thought he could cry he was so proud of himself. When class let out, he immediately went to find you in the hallway.

“Y/n!!” He had the biggest smile on his face, waving his paper around so you could see him. Your heart fluttered a little bit from his cute face, how happy he looked. Once you noticed him, he started running to you, giving you a big hug as soon as he could.

“How did you do?” You asked, and he giggled happily and showed you the paper. “An A!! Good job, Jeongin-ssi!” You cheered for him, hugging him again tightly. Now he was blushing and even more excited because you addressed him as a friend. You see him as a friend now? This is Jeongin’s best day.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, thank you so much!” He was so excited that he didnt even realize that you were standing in the middle of the hallway, his arms around your waist from hugging you. You noticed it before him, how your arms were around his shoulders and how close you were. Once he realized, his ears went bright pink and he slowly slipped away, chuckling nervously.

“Can I take you out for dinner tonight? L-like... to celebrate? I-I mean... I want to pay you back for helping me.” He regretted right after he said it. There was NO WAY you would say yes to that! He becomes embarrassed at himself, but you smile at him and tug his sleeve.

“I would love to.” You kept your voice sweet, causing Jeongin to give you hopeful eyes. “I’ll text you after school. We can plan something.” He nods in response, and you make your way to your last class of the day.

Once you’re gone, Jeongin lets out a little squeal, and during his whole last class, he couldn’t stop smiling at how lucky he had gotten.

a/n: sorry guys, I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately... I’ve been a sad lil bean, but I’ll be okay :) my asks are open, and you can come and just talk if you want! c:

#sk-writersnet #stray kids #stray kids i.n #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #yang jeongin #yang jeongin au #stray kids au #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop writing

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apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years

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AIGHT SO I’m like super high on caffeine and chocolate rn so I mighty write a lil Christmas one shot (it’s still December let me be pft)

But first a lil song I found a few days ago and has been stuck in my head ñon stop!

It’s from a musical called 35MM, they make up songs and stories from photos this one guy took, they’re amazing!

The song of called “Leave Luannne”

Warnings! There are mentions of abuse, r*pe, and such! So if you feel uncomfortable by that please don’t read this!

Now on to the song;:

Luanne's fat lip is drying, The bastard's bacon frying, The shiner on her eye's gone bust and bleeding. He shouts, "Girl, set the table!" But he knows she ain't able. Her arm's done broke, Hung limp like yolk,

AHHH we get the picture pretty clear from the beginning. i can always imagine Luanne on the floor, all bruised up and close to tears....

And softly she's repeating...

"Leave, Luanne. Why don't you march out that door? Southern woman, he ain't no good to you. Leave, Luanne. Louisiana wants war, But it's you dying on her ruby plains."

And yet, loyal Luanne remains. Ever since he got him laid off, His sanity's just made off. No, he was never nice, but now he's cruel.

So first, ahhhhfhrjehrn THE VIOLINS ARE AMAZING AND THE VOCALS TOO also we can see why Luanne doesnt leave the dude. I can see her internal debate, telling herself to leave but not being able to.

He rapes her, and he beats her, She don't 'fess how he treats her, 'Cause a Bible verse Says it won't get worse, And she won't be a fool. "You won't never leave, Luanne,

And then theres this part about the bible, i dont exactly know what verse theyre talking about, but we see that Luanne is super religious, which makes her internal debate even harder. Should she leave or stay? She has been taught probably her whole life with that idea, and probably doesnt want to end up in hell due to her beliefs and what she’s been told.

'Cause if you walk out that door His truck will be gunning for you.

No, you won't leave, Luanne, Or he'll give you 'What for?' You got heart where you should have had brains."

This part always makes me sad bc Luanne may still love that asshole, which sucks, but she still does and is pretty loyal to him makes it even harder for her to make a decision too

And so, loyal Luanne remains. Someone's howling, Screams like sighing with battered breath Grating, growling, Never dying In a fate worse than death. But months of such conditions Turn laymen to logicians And tonight the bastard's sleeping like a log. So she plucks the kitchen cleaver,

Creeps up toward his roped-up lab retriever,

DUDE I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA KILL THE DOG AND I ALMOST CRIEDD AHHH

AND THE VIOLINS MAKE THE TENSION AMAZING. It makes you so nervous about whats going to happen. You can imagine Luanne finally making a decision, tired of everything. Its dark at night and she slowly makes her way to the kitchen, trying so quietly to not wake him up.

And she cuts the rope, And hope on hope, She starts to shout, "Your dog's got out!" She's got her chance. With no back glance She runs out to the bog, Screaming, screaming: "Leave, Luanne!" "Leave, Luanne. You've got a life left to live In a house hanging off the Golden Coast! Leave, Luanne. You won't forget nor forgive, " And she don't feel the stings, the rips, and scrapes As finally Luanne escapes.

And the way you can FEEL the tension, the way you can see her running and your heart starts speeding up, wishing she can escape, that she can lead a better and happier life, shes doing her best, not feeling the pain. You can tell how desperate she is. You can see her running through the woods, leaves and branches getting tangled in her hair, sometimes cutting her, but she still keeps going due through sheer determination, ignoring how her feet hurt and how much shes running out of breath. All the way through shes making a promise to herself, that she will NEVER let go what the asshole did to her.

Swim, Luanne! Swim, Luanne! And in the swamp of beeches, Oh, as the preacher preaches, As the light In the night Holds through the marsh and brushes As the blood inside you rushes Left and right, Hold on tight—

And then you can feel the hope, the relief that she has managed to get out, the violins making a sort of country dancey song (?) pft and youre like YAS GIRL RUN AND LIVDE YOUR LIFE its amazing, its so happy from the depressing music we heard before, Luanne gets out of the place, some people help her, she becomes happy again, meeting people and dancing all night at parties, maybe she even finds someone new and starts dating them, having a new life with someone who loves her....but then....

—Until you reach the bank And you crawl onto the bank, 'Til you feel a little yank on your hair And, stricken, stare at the bastard Who beat you there.

DUDE THIS PART. THIS. PART. I CANNOT EXPRESS THE WAY MY HEART BROKE. YOU JUST START FEELING THAT EVERYTHING IS ALRUGHT, THAT SHES MADE IT, ONLY TO FIND THT THE BASTARD FUCKING MADE IT BEFORE HER. AH DUDE. THE INSTRUMENTS. THE WAY YOU CAN FEEL THE SADNESS IN THE SINGERS VOICE. AND THE WAY IT GETS SET UP, OH BOY I DIDNT, I LITERALLY SCREECHED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT. I SERIOUSLY CANT EXPLAIN HOW GENIUS THIS IS SO FREAKING AHH THE GUITAR, THE VIOLINS JESUS CHRIST

the guy just yanks her hair and gives her a horrible smirk, and Luanna can only look in horror, her heart breaking and all her dreams vanishing as she realizes that she...she didnt make it.

The bastard lies in bed now, Half-sad his wife is dead now. She drowned herself in a swamp in wild despair.

I actually want to know wether if he killed her, or if she killed herself. To make it more angsty i like to think she actually drowned herlsef, because its so heartbreaking to see how her hopes die and she just...gives up. Gosh its so friggen, ahhhh. Once Luanne sees the guy she shrieks and tries to pull away, falling backwards. Either the bastard hit her, or something but she ends up being paralyzed and unable to move. She reacts desperatly but the bastard refuses to help, and then she slowly gives up, letting the water fill her lungs, and slowly closing her eyes and accepting her faith.

He thinks he used to love her, But push it came to shove her, A wife disposed, A wife case closed, And no one seems to care,

DUDE THIS GUY AGHHH

And the violins are amazing. He doesnt care. No one knows shes dead. Luanne is left without no one there to remember her, to grieve her. Its just....so heartbreaking.

To grieve Luanne. Now no one's on his shoulder, But his mattress don't feel colder,

And in fact, it's hellish hot, and the air is dank and steaming. Yet his body starts to shiver When the window cracks a sliver And a fiery fog From the miry bog Pours in the room In a sticky gloom And there the man Sees dead Luanne.

DUUUUDE DUDE LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS HOLY DIDDLY FUCK GODDAMN THIS IS AMAZING LUANNE GO GET HIM GIRL.

Luanne makes her way to the house, fulfilling her promise of getting her revenge, of not forgiving the asshole for everything he did. And then, when she gets there, dripping, the bastard only stares.

He's terrified, But he keeps his pride, 'Cause he knows that he ain't dreaming. And he starts screaming, "Leave, Luanne. Hell sent you back here for more, 'Cause ain't no one ever loved you."

THIS, THISSSSS. ITS BY FAR MY FAVORITE PART. When hes the one telling her to leave, when its HIM. Just- the nerve of this man. And i know i keep saying this byt LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS. They are perfect, the tension, the way they just- the way they make you feel, the way they always give you shivers and make you go oh fuck shits about to go down.

He is just cockily smirking trying to act as if hes not afraid. And then he has the audacity to tell her to LEAVE. The thing shes been trying to do for so long, but now...its too late. Her eyes widen in rage and she stands straight, lifting her chin and glaring at him.

But said Luanne, "I've come to settle a score, " And she shows him her feet are bound in chains.

Shes stuck there. But this time, the roles are reversed. This time Luanne will be the one feared. She will now hold the power.

And loyal Luanne remains And remains And remains And remains!

AND THE REMAINS. GOD ITS AMAZING, NOW INSTEAD OF LEAVING SHE JUST STAYS WHEN SHE WANTED TO LEAVE AND I- THE REMAINS MAKE IT SOUND SO FUCKING GOOD, IT SAYS SHE IS STILL LOYAL AHHH

I like to think that shes also got it stuck in her head that she cant leave, and shes now torturing the bastard by STAYING, the way it just changes fro, what it was at the beginning, HOLY SHIT AHH. And as the remains get louder she gets angrier and the room start getting hotter and hotter, and Luanne just smiles and you see the bastard cowering more and more in fear.

Someone's howling, Screams like sighing With battered breath. Grating, growling, Never dying In a fate worse than death. Luanne, She cries her miserable wail So the bastards will never sleep again!

And she is CRYING. Tears make their way down her face, crying and asking how dare he, why would he, all she wanted was to be happy.

No, no reprieve, Luanne, She brings their souls down to hell, A caution to the cruelest of men: God loves Luanne! Praised be! Amen!

The ending is so good, she gets her revenge, makes the guy regret what shes done. i always imagine the whole place setting in fire and Luanne getting angrier and angrier, thr bastard finally realizing what the hell hes actually done. This is amazing, i love this song so much. Not only the story but also the way you can imagine and feel everything. this song is so freaking good istg

Theyre in HELL. She used to be so religious, and thats the fate she didnt want. She never wanted to be in hell, yet there she is, getting her revenge. I dont know if God went like aight here ya go gurl, get your revenge, or smth like DAMN, so good.

In conclusion, amazing song, so good, i swearrr. This musical is amazing, they have other amazing songs like Sarah Berry, or Piece of Me.

Some of them range from being depressing, to adorable, to HILAROUS like Caralee lmfao that one is amazing lol

I really hope yall take a listen hehe, im sorry for rambling so much, im just trying to keep myself distracted from everything going on at home and with my dog. Hope yall have a good day and ill write more things, I promise!

#api talks #musicals #35mm musical

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ask-thetrashpack-blog · 8 years

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Hey Serif have u ever have to protect Roman from being bullied?

*Oh yeah definitely here’s a Good story for ya

*When Roman was around uh..6ish I think He had a big crush on this girl he saw at Recess she was one of the tallest in her class and was a little on the Weird side I think Cause lil Rommy said She use to eat dandelions when she was nervous but he loved her anyway

*Well One day Rommy decided he was going to Confess he had a big crush on her

*It didnt work out too well A couple of Jerkbags came along and said “You really wanna be with that fat kid? What a loser! The Loser and the freak” and made fun of the fact he didnt know how to use his powers yet and whatever else jerky kids said back then anyway she didnt wanna be made fun of so she laughed at their jokes

*So He blurts out this big bonehead *snrk* Litterally That he does too know how to use his powers and he was going to show them after school tommorow that he had super powers like his dad and he was gonna pick up The big ol’ lunchlady when she headed to out the to go home That made them laugh and he was feeling somewhat confident untill he told me what happend

*Yeah believe it or not I was around 9 back then and had a real bad temper..also had a alot more energy then I did now

*He know that look I made When I was figuring out how im gonna kick some ass and he said he could handle it starting to get real nervous and Here came the waterworks which made me feel even More furious

*I “Agreed” not to follow him the next day and ended up going for a walk then happend to be passing by

*I Watched making sure they didnt hurt him I saw him struggle to use his powers then the lady just walked off not noticing the laughing kids..she was like 80 by the way me and a couple of friends sometimes tried to act all big and bad Saying curse words a litle louder at a time to see if she noticed whoever chickened out lost

*So yeah They laughed at him pushed him down and the toughest guy had rock powers or something then started pelting him with rocks and dust

*I was in shock for a sec I didnt think they’d be that insane

*Roman Took by Mom’s views To try and talk things out and avoid violence as much as possible Cause there had to be a reason for them to lash out..But What Roman didnt get is mom learned a little something by now that if that person is a danger to you or other people and you know that defend yourself Don’t just let yourself get hurt if they wont listen and definitly Dont kill them

*I think he was getting that and he tried at his powers again

*Long story short I Helped him out a bit I pratically threw those kids to the next town over they were ok im pretty sure heh.. and he thought he taught them a lesson that day But Yeah He didnt get the girl but he was too young to date anyway and I probably would have screwed with her for hurting my bro in the first place

*Oh and other anon

*Fucking Prick

*Anyway…

*Im Gonna make a sandwich..Hey mom where You at??! you want anything??

*Yes please! A sandwich with Turkey patato chisps and monster candy!!

*Heh..weird K mom

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shrubforhire · 5 years

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Asks 1-50

i rly Alright strap in i guess,,

What’s your favorite thing about yourself? uhhhhhh,, Im v proud of my ear for music

What’s the best joke you know? Def the one from who’s line "Our top story today: Convicted hit man Jimmy 'Two-Shoes' McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knickknack paddy-whack." Colin Mochrie is a fucking god

If you could only have one of your non-canon OTPs become canon, which would it be and why? I want Elanor and Tahani together so bad bitch,,,

What’s your dream vacation? New York!! Seein a bunch of shows and just chillin in the city :)

If you have a girlfriend, what’s the cutest thing she does? If you don’t, what’s something you do that you think is super cute? Oh my goSh theres so much to choose from fuck,, def one of my favs is she will add like tons of disclaimers to stuff before she says it. like if shes asking a question in class she’ll be like “so this is kind of a weird question, and i totally understand if this steps beyond the boundaries of what we’re talking about, but i figured i’d just ask anyways just in case...” oh my god shes so cute

How do you prefer to spend your free time? MUSIC,, if i can just dick around and cover songs i like,, i am free

What’s a random fun fact that you learned recently? Bamboo is a grass!

When you play truth or dare, do you tend to choose truth or dare? Why I choose truth because I get nervous and once I was playing truth or dare and i had to kiss each of my friends, one on the lips, one by their cleavage, and one on the inner thigh. I did the first 2 and i was so nervous,, prolly cause i was gay as fuck, and right as i was about to put my face right by the vargooba i was saved by god because my nose started bleeding and i had to go inside,,,,,,,, lmao

What’s your favorite thing about being sapphic? That people assume im not so i can rly surprise em!

Who was your first lady crush? Hayley Williams. Hands down,, bitch

If you’re out, who was the first person you told? The last? (If you aren’t out, who is the first person you want to tell?) I didn’t rly come out ever super officially, so I guess my friend amulet when i told them i had a crush on Hayley Williams like right as I realized it lol.

What scares you the most about the future? The fear that I won’t be happy

Do you have a type? If so, what is it? C o n f i d e n c e also when ppl are really smart and responsible and just have a really good handle on their lives. That sounds rly fucking nerdy. Also when people just go for what they want.

Funniest childhood pet story? When my gerbil died I didn’t realize he was dead, and i was so surprised that he didnt run away when i opened his cage like usual. and he even let me pick him up!! i was like wow!! he’s in such a deep sleep. then i didnt feel his heartbeat and i was like oh fuck. this story isnt really funny oops.

What’s your aesthetic? gay shit,,, either v feminine in a rly hippie portland kinda way

What’s your idea of a perfect date? Have you been on it yet? not 2 flex but i planned the perfect fuckin date. first we went rollerskating and hungout at the arcade that they had there and played games. Then we got lunch at this rly cute market, and then we went on a walk that was strategically timed by me so we would get to this giant hill with a perfect view of the sunset. and i had planted a secret backpack in the trees with a blanket to sit on and another blanket to keep warm. and we got to snuggle & watch the sunset together (and our first kiss was right when the sun hit the horizon eeeeee)

What does your favorite color remind you of? playing the og nintendo ds

Quiet studier or loud studier? loud studier cause i talk to myself lol

Coffee, tea, or energy drinks? tea bih!! coffee and energy drinks make me anxious

What’s your stance on glitter pens? fuckin,,,, love

Do you believe in love at first sight? no, i believe in attraction at first sight, but love is a 2 way exchange

Who knows you the best and how did they get to know you? oh gosh,, its a toss up between stevie isaac and shay. they just fuckin,,, get it. stevie gets it cause we’re almost the same person. and shay and isaac,,,,, i still have no fuckin idea how they picked up so much info abt me so fast,, they both scary observant holy fuck

What’s your favorite question to ask? To answer? I love asking ppl about their partners and just seeing them gush hehe. Uhhh idk, im a whore & i’ll answer any fuckin q ppl ask me cuz it means they’re actually interested in what i have to say which is wild

Do you like camping? I LOVE CAMPING. Ive only gone fake camping where your car is right next to the tent,, but its still so fun!!!!!!!!!!!

Cats or dogs? (Hamster is an acceptable answer) Cogs. Dats

What does your dream house look like? A house that I can afford. And maybe w a balcony and a secret room that opens with the pull of a specific book from my bookshelf

What’s your random, useless superpower? solfeg. i can usually figure out a song in solfeg p fast

Tell me about the most beautiful thing you can think of right now. my girlfriend

If you could only hear three songs for the rest of your life, what would they be? Masterpiece Theater III Haunted House She’s a handsome woman

What’s the most stereotypical gay thing you do?? (Besides being attracted to women) keysmash

If you could time travel without any negative consequences, would you? Would you change anything? I would retake the SATs lol

What were you most afraid of as a child? Are you over that fear? Dying. not rly lol,,,, what happens to ur brain bro?? will all my memories from this life be gone???? wtf bro

Favorite mythical creature? i rly love mermaids,,,, and sirens

Have you ever dyed your hair an “unnatural” color? Would you? i havent,, if i didnt do theatre my hair would already be lavendar lmao

What’s your favorite book? invisible man

If you could live inside one fictional world, what would it be? pokemon

Most embarrassing story? theres so many,,,, oh my god. prolly when i was chillin in bed with this girl i was dating and then i got super bad period cramps and threw up in her bathroom and my mom had to drive me home in case i fainted,,,,,, i have not seen her since

Proudest moment? making my boss double over laughing

What’s the most comforting smell you can think of and what does it remind you of? garlic,,,,, it means moms cookin :’)

Do you like fluff or angst more? oh my god i love fluff so much,,,, hhhh

What’s the last thing that made you smile? this short lil dog i saw at work,,,,, so kind

What’s the first thing that draws you to a person? (Romantic or platonic or both) c o n f i d e n c e

Your favorite place to be kissed? fuckin,, anywhere,,,,,,,,,,,,,im a v sensitive person

What’s your opinion on zoos? they’re kinda boring tbh,,

Do you have any siblings? Are you close? i got 2 bros,, we have a good relationship but we dont hangout a lot

Did you have a favorite movie that you would watch over and over as a child? What was it? the year without a santa claus just for the miser brothers

Do you have any tattoos? If not, do you want any? If so, what are they?

What’s your go-to hairstyle? spaaaaace bunsssssss

What’s your favorite flower? it’s not a flower,, technically its a flowering shrub,,,, but i love hydrangea. the color changes based on the pH!! how fuckin cool is that shit??

Are you the first person to fall asleep at a sleepover or the last? Or somewhere in between? somewhere in the middle lol,, never first.

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matthew-eleventhirty · 6 years

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so i spoke to jill and this is the first time she didnt completely bitch on me, like i told her about the blog and what i kinda wrote and how its gotten so repetitive but helps me deal with the fact i cant text you all this stuff. she asked if i would ever show you and i said no unless you didnt believe me when i say i still love you or if say we were to get back together and we were like hanging out and you needed some reassurance that i still love you so much and that you are more than enough for me. i told her that these are all raw feelings and some things i would be hesitant to let you read but i feel that i shouldnt hold back my experience especially since this is how i always felt. i told her that i mentioned i never felt 100% comfortable around your family and she said okay maybe then dont show him. i told her that its not something youve never known and how ive always been so honest with you. like when your mom was talking about politics and i kinda tensed up and you took over the convo or when i went to vanessas house and when i was in a convo you would jump in. at first i hated it it drove me crazy because i was trying to get to know them but after you told me its because you knew that was a hard thing for me to do. and she said that was absolutely adorable of you. she also said that she misses you a lot. she misses sitting on the couch while we watch “stupid” shows and you explaining every little detail. it was cute. i wasnt the only person who loves and misses you, my family loves and misses you too. she just didnt want to tell me earlier because she didnt know how i would react. she also said somehting to me that made me feel a lot better about this whole thing. if im being honest, ive gotten really crazy, like whenever i go on insta i always check to see if youre on too. its weird but comforting its the only thing i have of you actively still. im so sorry if i do end up showing you this and you think im crazy but maybe i am? but anyway i stayed up all night the day before my chem final studying and i noticed you werent on for a while so i figured you went to sleep. i never ever post stories to my finsta and i did this night so i wanna say a notification went out mentioning that i posted a story. you were the second person to see it so i guess once you saw the notification you checked. it made me feel better about this, like maybe you were checking to see if i was out or how i was doing or something, but it felt like okay he still cares. when i told jill that she agreed with me on how you still cared and that it was good. i just wish i knew how you felt. i dont want to be the fool who was waiting this whole time to find out you actually didnt care. but jill also brought up a good point that i havent thought of in a while. when i was freaking out and going through our texts over and over and over again, the words you chose whether you thought about them or not did show a little of your intentions. it was just the actions that threw me. but words like “separated” and “if you want to end it all completely” and how you really need this for you. i just read over our messages, im sorry i was so mean and selfish, i just going through the motions ya know? every day felt like forever and i do still wake up every morning hoping for a call from you. i just never knew how i could get through another day without talking to you. i think the only reason i havent called yet was because this is keeping me from it. jill said that you probably do wanna call me or text me, but youre nervous to because we agreed at the end of the semester. youre probably sitting there hoping id call you too in the back of your head and maybe were both sitting here like uuhh end of the semester. the way she talked to me tonight it feels like right after your last final youll call.. it would be really cool if you did. i mean then we could figure everything out. it seems like a much bigger possibility that you would need more time, but i just want to hear your voice again. i wanna see you i wanna give you a hug and pull any sadness or worry out of you. i wanna be on talking terms with you because i definitely do not like this. i cant see you jumping for the phone once you get out, but i could see you thinking about it. reading over our messages i hate myself. i was so mean to you i was so selfish i wasnt as understanding as i was right away compared to a few days later. i wanted to but i just felt this huge weight on my heart and i felt it breaking and i had no idea what to do. i hope you havent moved on. i hope im still yours in your head. maybe at first glance i have been showing you that i moved on, but look a lil deeper. i havent, in fact i think i miss you more now than ever before. its been a month and i still think about you every day and still wanna love you and get married and have babies. if that was too quick for you im sorry, i just never saw a future with someone more than you. i was really really selfish. i mean i kept thinking about the work ive done and discrediting all the things that you have done for yourself. it takes courage to let someone you love go for the sake of yourself. it doesnt sound courageous it sounds obvious to do but it is not an easy task. i mean that aside everything else youve done. im looking at it as okay this is what you have this is what you have to do, but its probably much easier to say to do it than to actually have it and get it done. i probably shouldve recognized that more. i mean i see it first hand every day. but i cannot stress how proud i was and how proud i still am of you trying therapy trying to get a schedule trying to do the thing that you have to do for yourself all while working to keep me happy. thank you for that. it took me a little bit longer to see and its not something thats easy for me to stay completely calm with because of the type of relationship we have, but please know that i do want to. i didnt want to put the blame on you above having to work with you for this for so long for you to dump me. i should have never added that burden onto you. i never would take back those six months, i never would ever want you to think i just did that because we were in a relationship, i want you to know that i did try working with you because i wanted to. it was brave of you to tell me all these things. youre very prideful and i can only imagine what it took for you to even bring this stuff up with me. i should have been much more level-headed and understanding. i wish i could have made you happier, i wish i couldve been a stronger girlfriend for you, i wish you didnt have to go through all of that alone for so long. im happy you told me though, im happy you were mature enough to do something so risky for the sake of you and us. it shows me who you are as a person. (just next time can we try to work together, im just thinking hypotheticals but if we were married or had a family and needed time to step back... i dont know how that would play out.) for that tho im praying you learned a new way to calm yourself down when things got overwhelming or maybe a new hobby so if you started to feel sad or needed time away from life you werent just sitting in bed becuase although that might feel great it does more damage than anything else. im praying you learned more about what causes this, whether its a big paper coming up, or a grade thats expected, or maybe you slipped in one class and now youre slipping in another that makes you not want to do any work. something so that when it does happen you can be like no i know this pattern lets try to subside it. thats ultimately what i want you to be able to do and maybe this break was what you needed the most. i should've known better tho, i shouldve known that you werent yourself and things were off and it wasnt something wrong with me but something wrong with you. i mean the signs were there. not jillian or carols signs but they were there. i cant wait to hear about everything that youve done! im so excited to hear form you again. i hope its sooner rather than later, but either way id be happy. i love you so much and ill always love you with all of my heart, never think that i wont please.

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survivekohsai · 7 years

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Episode 1 - Should We Just Call It A Day And Vote Out A Heterosexual Or What ~ Isaac

Okay so right away I like trixie! Shes funny and I think we'll work well together. RTP is cool too since he likes HAIM and all HAIM lovers are great. Its fun having raf back on my tribe since we played before but I want to make new relationships so I dont want to just default to him. I also played with Eric before but voted him out so awk i hope he doesn't hold a grudge!! Im liking the tribe tho but hating this twist so much. Im using my idol at the first tribal FDSKJFSDH but then what if I get voted next since i dont have one.

I'm really nervous because I don't know anyone that well on my tribe except for Logan, and they all seem to know each other. I'm gonna slap on a smile and pretend that I have confidence.

WOW I JUST GOT IN AND IM EXCITED!!!!! well ummm I like to say ummm that everyone having idols is like ummm a bad thing because... if everyone plays it but one person.... they be idol'd out umm... yea. and plus... I have to like keep myself safe somehow...

This tribe? Loving the concept. I want to work with Bryce because I know he's a sweet baby boy. He'll be loyal if I scoop him up first. Also, Trixie is as cracked as ever. I love that we all have idols. Guaranteed safety is a concept I love, but Trixie also told me she has an extra idol. Now, she might be lying since she said that Willow told her that one "houseguest" got an extra idol. This ain't Big Brother, and I would have preferred if she did not have an extra idol. She is straight up lying to me, but we'll see how it goes from here. Tonight is for forging bonds.

Okay, this season is cute as heck! I am gonna give a full tribal first impression. Akito: My boy, we work well together and hopefully that can continue here. Isaac: Tends to get medevaced but I still adore this sweet boy and I look forward to playing with him again Jackson: Very social initially! I see myself in him, he also just started college and yadayada. Kelsey: We've exchanged like 4 messages but nice enough Linus: A GOOD BEAN WHERE DID HE GO IN HOENN WE JUST DONT KNOW Mo: Pun Boy tm, but this is my turf so we're gonna have to share that title QuilLynn: Listen. She likes adore Delano. that's all I need Tyler: HE DOESNT LIKE MY PUNS that's all, see ya later

Love my tribe not doing much for the challenge! I got 9 of our 16 points so hope it shows that I'm trying. Although I only got 9 of a possible 18 possible points I could have gotten so yikes 50%!

im shocked we won immunity i didnt do anything sooooooOoo I was busy checking to see if i was pregnant jk

People I've socialized with: 0

We meet again Raffy... We. Meet. Again.

I love my tribe its so cute! Jackson is my friend from TS Ebola and I love him so much so yay! Mo is great I'm really glad Him me and Jackson could form a good group so early! Logan is great he guested a week in a BB i'm in and he was nice and said he's glad to be playing a game with me so woo! Tyler is nice so far but you can tell he is cocky af and I know even though he's new he's good at these games! I'm hoping we lose immunity, because I think I'd like to take tyler out asap, but if we win at least I know i'm not first boot.

So like yay for reward. Like winning a competition? A concept. Now, I feel like sending RTP to exile was the best decision since he was not going to participate in the challenge, but sending Tyler there was also an added bonus. I've played with Tyler before and I do not really trust him. I do not want him to make merge or be on the same tribe as him. So like, he can go sooner rather than later. Finally, me vs. Mo? We love a hero/villain dynamic. :)

We lost the reward challenge, it would of been nice to go to exile and date someone on the other tribe. We would of some funnnnnnn like bring out the margarita bring out the nachos and quesadilla with guacamole. Because it's about to get HOT in here!

ok so my tribe is cool except trixie...they are annoying...im over it...and i got to go to exile because im gonna be at a wedding....lol take that!

so... we lost. yep. hoping to kill an inactive, hoping to not die. that's all

We won! Loving the concept! Being safe is such an icon and Willow is such an icon. Anyways, I plan on working with Bryce, Trixie, and Richie because they seem like nice people. Literally nothing else to say because no gameplay yet.

Oh god.... oh god no..... this is bad this is really bad

im trying to get richie to showmance me and then we can later on down the road suddenly find out we're cousins and i think that'd be pretty funny. also i love willow she is so sweet and I hope she has a fun time hosting

I'm literally so fucking gay and I just want a showmance like ???? I get here and the only people who I can legally attempt to seduce are Tyler and Mo? So obviously I pick Tyler because Australians are hot and Tyler looks hot and that's fun. So I was like "lol let's vote out a str8 yeah" and then Willow descended from the heavens on her hoverboard and was like "he str8 scum" and I can't believe I'm about to get voted out because I slandered heterosexuals.

Guess who might be using their Jordan Pines idol! THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!

Yay my tribe won immunity. Queens! I just hope that we can keep winning because I haven't talked to anyone. God I need a better social game.

" it will have juice and im living for juice" - Tyler 2k17 Heyo im alive! I was sent off to exile this round... And i came back with an Australian Super Idol! I was given the option to mutiny my tribe, but its a no from me, i tried convincing Ryan to come over but he has some sense in him so he didn't :(. The idol hunt was really intense, there was about 4 different clues leading other clues. It was an adventure and a half. So at 6am i found it! (With no sleep cause sleep is for the weak). Im not telling anyone about the advantage cause.... everyone's a ho. This whole tribal situation is very complicated with all the idols going around. I expect me to be a target this round so im 100% playing an idol considering i have two! I feel like if we just get 3 or 4 people to vote one person who won’t expect it we’ll be good it's hard because you want the vote to be unanimous so everyone feels included but this twist means we have to blindside someone every time Which means we might have to tell the person we vote for a name Yeah its going to be difficult But I bet the person getting the most votes will play an idol so if we just do our own little thing we should be good - My thoughts atm, also sent that to Jackson But now i think I'm going to vote for someone who would never guess that anyone else would vote for them, get rid of a juicy target while i can. Not sure if my vote will have any impact but it will have juice and im living for juice ;). No ones really chatting to me and im assuming most people will play their idols... so #YoloSwag

Yay we won reward!!! Happy to start off on a good note. Sad tho that regan striked. Hope she starts trying more. But I guess it would be nice to have an inactive to vote if we lost a challenge. Trying to socialize with 8 other people is hard but I think I'm doing alright so I hope I've made no enemies.

Tower 7 was a controlled demolition.

Hi there~! I'm Kelsey Valentana Mikaelson, coming to you live and IN full HD colour~! And, what else, it's time for a tribal! Going into the tribal, I was kind of groaning since I was fully expecting to be targeted but alas; I don't think it's going to be me! Now, don't get me wrong, I get that "as soon as you think you're safe, you're GONE!" and all that, but the drama doesn't seem to be circulating around me on tonight, and it's a welcome change! I think, for the most part, people are more set on letting Isaac get the boot tonight, which...eh. I tried throwing Linus' name out there but it seemed to get a bad reaction. Oh well. I still don't want to see Isaac Thunderf*ck go tonight however and this idol twist is very well placed to prevent that. I told Isaac he might receive votes tonight but, for the main part, it's between Linus and Tyler. I think Isaac really genuinely trusts me but I can't tell him he's the majority because...well, I'm actually being SPOKEN to! It's such a weird thing to happen to me, usually I have to do all the bone bashing for myself, but people are actually coming to ME and telling me options, it's uncanny! I don't want there to be any chance AT all of me losing those resources. Speaking of resources, if I had to guess who's puppermaster-ing at this point, I'd look over at lil' Jackson over there. I thought it was sweet and romantic that he wanted to talk to me about the vote and, don't get me wrong, it makes me feel swell but NOT swell enough to realize that the people he suggested to me were the very names everyone else seemed to have "heard" and not came up with themselves. For the most part, I think my best option is just not...being Krazy Kels and blasting it, but sweaty, I'm only going to be calling Ms. Jackson if she nasty, you feel me? All in all, I'm feeling rather confident about tonight. Either Isaac goes and everyone feels comfortable with telling me plans; Tyler goes who's just...slimey. Or Linus goes! Who's basically just here for the food, I feel. Anyways, say goodbye to Derrick or Kim Chi. And THAT'S all there is to it~! Christmas was ROBBED! -Kelsey V Mikaelson

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my first Confessional. Okay so yeah about this tribe. Not sure how I feel. It's been helpful not having a One World twist (meaning I don't have an obligation to get to know the other tribe) but I haven't made a lot of connections here so it's kind of a wash. Quillynn is my babe and I hope people don't figure out how close we are (because I'm not turning on her anytime soon, that's for sure). Mo quickly pulled us in for an alliance, and while I like him, he's gotten a little attached to Tyler which is kinda messy. Akito is kind of strange but she's nice, and I think not many people talk to her so she's looking to work with me. I get paranoid vibes from Logan but otherwise I like him. Linus, Isaac and Kelsey have been barely active at all, which is problematic but it kind of makes me want them to stay over someone like Tyler (who I think is kind of a big threat). Either way we lost both challenges so that kinda sucks, although at least it means my friend Trixie is safe. Not that I don't want the other tribe to go to tribal at least once though. Any opportunity to finally vote Ryan M. out should be taken, as the students of Kvaloya learned the hard way. Oh by the way I hate this idol twist. I mean I'm probably gonna like it later on in the game when I want to vote out someone who's already used theirs, but for now, it sucks. The people I'm working with want to split the votes between Tyler and Isaac in case one of them idols, but I'm worried something could go wrong. Also it'd be awkward if Isaac went home and Tyler basically knew that he was the backup in case Isaac idoled (which is the truth of the situation, since Mo doesn't want Tyler out even though me and Q do). Okay I'm trying to get this done cause my friend wants to go to dinner so let's end this here and hope I don't get voted out with like one vote lol

(Late)

okay yoooooo I’m here I’m still recovering from the trauma of my last game so my heart is still healing and I’m not running on full steam at the moment so i haven’t really talked to anyone theres no one on this tribe that i really have clicked with which kinda sucks but its mostly my fault for not speaking to anyone but also no one reached out to me either so they all suck too!!!! we won the first reward and immunity so things are looking good hopefully we can maintain this momentum so that i have time to build some relationships before things set off!

VOTING CONFESSIONALS

Tyler Kelsey voting you because both Tyler and Isaac are gonna play their idols. Maybe but this is a gamble and this vote is a throwaway. Might be me not gonna be surprised if it is everyone having idols is bad.

(Voting for Tyler) Tower 7 was a controlled demolition

My vote tonight is for Isaac. I’m sorry love, I hope things work out for you <3

Tyler is a manipulative backstabbing little snake in the grass and while hes not masterminding now sweaty, tyler, it's your time to PACK

Logan - I don't know what the fuck is going on but I might as well throw my vote on somebody. Sorry dude.

I will also be voting for Logan cause YOLO swag money get bitches

Logan voted out (4) Tyler - (2) Isaac - 2 Logan - 1 Kelsey

Tyler, Isaac, and Linus idoled

Jackson, Quillynn, Linus, and Kelsey voted Tyler

Logan and Mo voted Isaac

Tyler and Isaac voted Logan

Akito voted Kelsey

#confessionals #worthplayingfor

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