#I CANT WAIT TO ACTUALLY MAKE HER A REFERENCE SHEET

[pastelpousay]

I made a design for Asteria I’ll probably go more in depth with it in digital if I can today but sketching her out was fun!! :3

Taglist for amazing cool ppl

@re3tro0( I will @ you everyday until time ends as we know it….ik ur watching caseoh rn too pook..) @delicatestringbean @optizcool @maddieinheaven @dreamwinged @persephoneflowerpetals

[splatqueen8166]

I ACTUALLY DREW A FULLBODY ARTWORK!!

I drew this for my Friends birthday today! His character is on the left her name is Lilac. Now that I have drawn a full body for Queenie, I can make her reference sheet tonight! Cant wait to post it!.

[leafington]

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞 𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚? 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙡𝙮, 𝙞 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚 𝙞 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚. - kiyoko s.

content warning !! - blackfem!reader, GAYGAYGAY, fluffy, lowercase intended just for the aesthetic, sneaking thru window trope, mentions of homophobia (nobody is, its just a reference)

young love. something to be treasured for those who experience it to the fullest, not everyone got to take part in the privelege of having someone truly care for you before adulthood. earlier in life, it didn't occur to you that you'd get to be one of the rare exceptions who got that opportunity. if you met your younger self, asking if you'd ended up with some mascot from your favorite cartoon then, you would laugh and tell yourself no, but you got an amazing girlfriend who's not only gorgeous but smart.

shimizu looks out for you like no one else does, conveniently bringing extra food for you when you forget your lunch, a spare pen when you've lost yours, and all that she asks in return is your affection? this relationship thing couldn't be any easier! of course, you don't hesitate to communicate with her because sometimes hugging her under the stairwell isn't enough.

it's around midnight, maybe a quarter past, sleep is far from you now as you toss and roll in your sheets. this leaves you no choice but to text the only other night owl you know.

'hi baby r u awake?' you, 12:26am

'no im sleeping really hard actually. snoring even.' kiyoko ❤️, 12:26am

'ofc i am darling, what did you need?' kiyoko ❤️, 12:26am

'can i come over pls? cant sleep' you, 12:27am

'mhm. windows unlocked.' kiyoko ❤️, 12:27am

in the dark of the night, you tread through the streets lit by only dim streetlights to your girlfriend. you go around the side of her home and climb the lofty tree to sit on the windowsill and let yourself inside, there she was, waiting for you with open arms. any normal person would simply let themselves in through the front, though only when their parents weren't as strict as shimizu's.

without sharing any other words besides 'hi', you crawl into her bed and make yourself comfortable. the both of you lie there for a bit before you decide to speak. "you smell nice, pretty." this makes her smile. "thank you. 's everything okay with you?" she checks in, playing with your hair a bit. "yeah. i just couldn't go back to sleep, guess it was a sign that i needed to see you." you grin lovingly, never getting enough of being around her. "don't get too comfortable, you can't stay the night." she warns, scooting over to nuzzle herself into your chest.

"says the one actively trying to cuddle me." you chuckle. "i don't get why your parents hate me so much, i'm literally the kindest girl in the whole wide world. not to mention the best girlfriend in the universe." she snickers at this, a small smile forming. "if that'll get you to sleep, keep thinking that way." shimizu thinks quietly, why do her parents not approve of you?

it isn't like they don't like her choice of partner, far from it. they've always been protective of her, wanting nothing short of the best for their baby girl, both you and them have that in common. when first meeting them, they did seem to have some sort of stick up their ass. hounding you with the basic questions of, "what do you plan on doing with our daughter?" "how'd you two meet?" "how can we be so sure you won't hurt her?" but your intentions with her are just as good as the next person, although she's convinced herself there'll never be a next one.

you're always in her head. "don't think too much about it, they'll warm up to me sooner or later." you kiss the crown of her head, nesting yourself there happily. "i hope so."

your relationship isn't widely shared around the school but it isn't private either, if people ask then you'll tell them, if they don't, then that's none of their business. when you see her out in the halls, you don't immediately attack her with kisses, a small wave is enough. but when the two of you are finally alone, it's different.

it's quiet now. the fan in her room being the only thing keeping it from being dead silent. the only problem with that is the thoughts that keep her conscious and overly aware. "y/n? you like me right?" she whispers. why? you don't know, though you never question her ways. "sometimes." you joke, following up with a short, "of course." shimizu hums at this.

silence again. you're halfway tempted to ask her what that was all about, but before you could even consider it, she flips you over—now straddling your lap while you're cozied up against her pillows. "woah, warning next time." you watch her practically stare into your soul, maybe there's something on your face? did she take your joke too seriously? hopefully it wasn't that. whatever she has to say, she's choked up about it. her lips twitch and tighten out of anticipation for whatever she was going to say.

she's in her own head a lot too.

your eyes soften, a hand gently guiding its way to her face. shimizu's worried look falters when feeling the warmth, her hand then coming up to cradle yours. "i love you. an ungodly amount at that. i'm not all that good at showing that but i do and i'm glad that we're together." she's still whispering, you still don't know why. it doesn't matter, you heard the l-word from her loud and clear.

it's... weird. not in a bad way though. she sounds so precious saying it too, as if it were something on her mind for the longest. there's this unsettling feeling about hearing it for the first time from someone who isn't your family.

maybe that's what it is.

she's your first, your only, and hopefully your last. shimizu's seen parts of you nobody else has even attempted to try to see, she's picked up your broken pieces, helped you when you needed it most. you're scared. scared of losing her, never getting a second chance at this again because it sounds too good to be true as harsh of a reality as it is.

you see it now. this is what people treasure so much, what they long to experience, how lucky you are to get to know what it's like so early in life.

"i love you too."

©2024 leafington dont steal please!! :)

[simluvbot]

jake as your boyfriend

a/n: I wrote this while very sleepy so I apologise if there are some grammatical mistakes </3 also this is 95% gender neutral apart from one point (:

open to read <3

honestly the boyfriend that anyone wishes they had

very very caring and sweet with you ):

CONSTANTLY boasts about you to the members, but in reality is pretty shy in front of you when it comes to truly describing how he feels about you, to you

jake is your number one simp and yes very openly admits it

you know how he often posts mirror selcas on twitter? YEAHH well he also takes them with you

saves it as his lockscreen photo (:

and will he stare at said photo at 1am when he cant sleep?? thinking about you?? yes

has a shared spotify playlist with you where you both can add songs to it

likes to just sit and vibe to music with you

you have SO many inside jokes with him, literally

you’ll both be around the members when someone says something and you two will just look at each other and giggle about a reference no one else but you and him understand

jake is the type of boyfriend to randomly show up at your house in the middle of the night after practice just because he misses you

jake is very cuddly!!! 

he also wears hoodies vv often so it makes cuddling with him extra comfy and soft ): not to mention how nice he smells 😳

likes laying with his head either on top of your chest or in the crook of your neck, your hands running through his hair softly ):

he is the biggest koala youve ever seen i stg

will NOT let u go as soon as he holds on,, seriously

once that man has attached to you, you know that its gonna be a while before you’ll finally be allowed to get up lmao

will beg you to come cuddle with him saying it’ll only be for 5 minutes when by the time you realise its surely been longer than 5 minutes its actually been nearly 30 minutes

will even cuddle you in front of the members. will spot you across the room and open his arms wide, beckoning you over to him on the sofa

at first it was very shy skinship in front of the others since jake only really likes sharing such precious moments with you when youre both alone, but soon enhypen adjust to it and instead it becomes a regular occurence to see u and jake sitting next to each other half draped across one another lmao

it’s embarrassing for you but its jake sim. how could you even reject your boy?

if youre in school, our smart boy will like to take interest in whatever youre studying!

sits and watches lectures with you and reads your notes lol

asks you questions to do with what youre learning and helps you revise

honestly just likes learning new things since he misses it, so he likes to pay attention with you to help you study and also for him to learn new things too! 

expect cheesy good morning texts and pickup lines whenever he is not busy lmao

also expect him to not-so-discreetly leave his hoodies at your house ever since he first saw you wear his grey one

always sends snaps(?) to you of selfies and generally updates just for you on his day. 

yes he will make them cheesy by for example saying “we are eating bibimbap for lunch today. but i wish you were here too~” or “today is so long, i hope to see your face as an energiser 😍”

he uses the ‘😍’ emoji all of the time in his tweets so expect him to use it all of the time with you too lmao

😍😍😍😍😍

yep. the emoji pretty much sums up how he feels about you tbh

doesnt mind buying you something if you ask him for it

but you never do

but will your rich boyfriend still unnecessarily splurge money on you? yes

kisses!! with jake :D

at first he will ALWAYS ask for your permission to kiss you

even after youve dated for a while he will still 95% of the time ask for your consent

mainly is because he is very very shy when kissing you

but also because he never wants to make you feel uncomfortable!! at all. NEVER. not on his watch!

very very soft, breathy and giggly kissing 🥺

likes it when you kiss his nose 🥺🥺

many giggles,, many many giggles during soft kissing hours with jakey

also likes it when you hold his neck/jaw

and as for not so soft kisses 😳

loves loves loves it when you run your hand through his hair and tug on it

soft groans from him

will deepen the kiss by holding onto your jaw to angle better

he likes french. no more comments

whenever you kiss jake its literally heaven. butterflies in your stomach,,  always !!

idk but there is just something. about the way that he leans forward and gently drops you to the bed before he’s soon on top of you and quite literally caging you between him and the bed

whenever this happens you swear you nearly pass out every time by just how simply intoxicating jake sim is. his cologne, his kisses, his hands, his words, his heat

and quite quickly is goodbye to shy, flustered jake

...anyways

NEVER lets anyone hurt you

if anyone ever disrespects you he can become pretty scary.. will get in their face and directly confronts them. but that rarely ever happens so dw!

(if youre a girl) jake is the type of boyfriend that makes no issue from you accidentally staining the bed from your period

will pause and ask you instead if youre okay, if youre in pain, if you need to go get you anything or buy you pads

will then help you change the sheets and while he waits for you to finish showering, he’ll in the meantime make the bed extra comfy and will choose a film for the cuddle session you two have after you come out 🥺

literally will do anything you ask him to

is WHIPPED for you. literally a puppy when it comes to you

Talking about puppys,, constantly shows you photos of layla

you very soon become layla’s mother in his eyes despite you not even having met her yet lmao

‘one day,’ he says. one day 😔

he really wants to take you to australia one day and show you his hometown

he even has a section in his notes app where he’s written down all of the different places he would take you to if you both did go ):

Overall such a kind and considerate boyfriend

The type of boyfriend that just makes you feel so so safe and warm. He is your home and he never fails in making you feel comforted

And same thing for him! He simply loves being around you, staring at you and complimenting you

You are his favourite person <3 and he always puts you as one of his main priorities. Always.

[iamconstantine]

RWBY V3E4: Lessons Learned

* Is it bad that watching the opening to this episode reminded me a lot of Subspace Emissary? 

* On that note, I cannot wait to see these two get their asses handed to them. * Oooooh 4 different environments now! Forest, sahara, rocky shore, and Detroit! * Is it just me or is something a little tinny in the audio recording? * “Oh I like heeer...” And here I was thinking Coco had taste. * “He’s good!” No the fuck he ain’t. * I still hate this stupid quicksilver knockoff BUT the animation for the fight scenes is still top notch

* I’m sorry what.I * His LEGS. GO FOR HIS LEGS. * Are this guy’s eyes supposed to have no sclera like that? * Coco bby girl what is you doing you is better than this * “I take it back: I don’t like her” There you go babe * I don’t know whether I’m more annoyed with how many times the Smirk and Saunter Duo are relying on stealth attacks or with how much Coco and the other two keep falling for it

* Wait what? * Yow. * Wait no seriously what...? * Okay seriously how does no one just look at Cinder and say “That’s a villain” * Wait no * wait wait wait is one of their semblances like illusions or something * oh please tell me these two cant do illusions Im going to throw myself out a window

* BLEUALEAUELELAEUEH * Sister talk! Sister talk! * Eat those delicious looking croissants! * Awww it’s nice seeing Winter open up a little bit.  * Okay so now we have confirmation that semblances can be hereditary, at least rarely. But now I’m curious: are semblances influenced by anything else? Personality, past experiences, etc?

* Okay I’m sorry but if this semblance lets you ressurrect the enemies you’ve slain to bring them back as allies that is the most amazing semblance of them all hands down everyone else go home * And now to the other side of the coin! * I’m not like SUPER complaining but I think the animations are just a little bit stiffer this ep * I love how Qrow is a character who will angrily call out his colleagues for not being aware of the real threat to the world after fighting one of said colleague’s employees in a fit of rage but will THEN just go to play a Nintendo64 game with his nieces

* I like how even though this is doing the anime thing of showing flashbacks as still images in a sort of slideshow the art is intentionally almost fairy-tale like with blotted paint and splatters and all that * -_- * alright throw perv in on Qrow’s character sheet

* This image is literally just >:3 and >:< * The passive-aggresive half-ribbing, half-criticizing tone is strong with this one * And there goes the ribbing * I get the feeling that Qrow is one of those family member/mentors who focuses more on criticizing their shortcomings than celebrating their victories out of concern that they’re going to get in over their heads. Which, to be fair, they might be * There’s so much mystery wrapped up in the Ozpin Troupe (which is what I shall now be referring to them as). Clearly there’s some covert operation to keep tabs on evil rising in Remnant, but what else is going on here? Is there a secret they’re all trying to hide? Has Ironwood done something in the past, thus necessitating Glynda and Qrow’s distrust of him, or has he just always been like this? How long has this operation been going on? * “The coolest team to ever graduate Beacon!” *pulls out coffee-stained photograph*

* Why does this look like an album cover * I can’t super tell just from the photo but Qrow and Raven look like...exactly the same. Like Qrow still has gray hairs, I think. * “Well known for crummy fashion sense!” Ruby I don’t think it could be any more obvious that your uncle is a huge influence on your aesthetic so don’t even go there * i n a p p r o p r i a t e  s t o r i e s * Wonder what’s bothering Yang? * Yep. Suspicion on Qrow’s mentorship style verified * At first I flinched at Winter dope-slapping Weiss to get her to concentrate but then I remember that Yang and Ruby punch each other’s lights out on an hourly basis so it checks out * I guess it makes sense for Winter and Weiss to have similar stories of running away from home but having to still be “tied” to it. * More questions about Weiss’s relationship with her father emerge... * “You must never let your emotions overpower you” * Winter. * I like you. * But. * You literally destroyed the entire courtyard because Qrow was sassin too much.

* Daaaawwwwww!! * Winter please return soon. Weiss needs a teacher. * Ahhhhh she summoned a lil baby sword!! * I’m actually surprised but thankful that they had Weiss NOT answer the phone call. It really sounds like Weiss’ dad is not a good person so I’d be surprised if this was going down the “reconnecting with the misguided parent” route

[creative-cha0s]

Jess’ Masterlist of Prodigal Son (Mostly Brightwell) Inspo with Songs & Lyrics

HI tend to think of almost everything in connection to songs and lyrics and recently Ive got a bunch of lyrics rolling around in my head that are perfect for inspiration for Prodigal Son fics, fan art, gif sets, ect - but mostly fics (and mosty Brightwell).

Ill do my best to categorize by relationship/ character and possibly plot - and hopefully to keep this updated.

Like my music? want to listen to it too? All of these songs are in my playlist that I leave on repeat: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3pvktqRQXSUivcXpOWZGCX

Brightwell

Piece of Your Heart - Mayday Parade

This song is perfect for the both of them no matter who it’s coming from, but I always see the 1st verse (1st bullet) coming from Dani

Give me your misery All of it give it to me I can hold onto it for you It's not a problem I just want your energy A piece of that fractured mountain I'll take whatever comes with it as long as it's yours

All I know is that I want it more than yesterday If I was waiting, I was waiting for just one little spark You are the brightest I've seen You are the best side of me And just for when we're apart I've got a piece of your heart

But I want the whole damn thing 

Where You Are - Mayday Parade

The song as a whole is not fitting, its about someone dying. But there are a few lines that can be used.

You to me, are encased in nothing But beauty and gracious love You'll always be my one good reason To keep on moving 'til I'm in your arms

My favorite place is wherever you are 

Sleeping In - All Time Low

This song is PERFECT for well establish Brightwell - fluffy, lazy days, just ignoring the world and staying in together. Just go listen to the whole song.

Never wanna leave this bed Tell me that you got nowhere to be Can we stay all day? (All day) Lay low in our lazy luxury Sex in a rosé daze (daze) All day, it's a real good thing

Just like that There you go, making it hard to stay on track Got shit to do, you got work But we fall right back Into bed, like it's all just a game And we can't help that, no we can't help that 

Favorite Place - All Time Low

Another one that’s perfect for Brightwell, mostly coming from Bright (bolded parts), this song is currently always stuck in my head. Go listen to it!

So can we close the space between us now It's the distance we don't need (hey) Yeah, you're everything I love about The things I hate in me (hey) So come on, come on, come over now and Fix me with your grace 'Cause I'm not too far and you're my favorite place

And I know you don't belong (know you don't belong) Know you don't belong to anyone No you can't be tamed love Maybe I was wrong (maybe I was wrong) Maybe I was wrong for this But you feel like the perfect escape now 

Kids Again - Artist Vs Poet

Can be any phase of Brightwell I think - mostly focusing on the verses, ignoring the ‘just like we were kids’ reference in the chorus, because they didn’t grow up together. Another one to go listen to the whole song.

I know a girl who likes to drink her coffee black Cause sugar, no, she don't got time for that Leaves her desires at the welcome mat when she walks in

Yeah, I know a boy who likes to keep his burner on He's always running with no one to keep warm It's like he's flirting with the smoke alarm, his fire's fading

But still we laugh, we cry, we fall, we get high

And when I, I'm feeling small you get me through it all

I know a girl who's never tried to settle down She wears her loneliness like a crown But when she smiles all the kings will bow down, down, down

And I know a boy who's broken every vow he's made Who's spoken every capped phrase But he can listen like a rainy day and drown it out 

Clumsy - All Time Low

Perfect for when Bright acts like Bright, especially in reference to him backing away from Dani and ending up with Eve. And anything else he does that breaks Danis trust and makes her say things like ‘you promised to do better’ and ‘you told me i was the one you liked talking to’ LISTEN TO THIS ONE ITS SO GOOD

I was bound to make a mess of things Mixin' fireworks and gasoline Never meant to make you fall with me

I let you down I've been clumsy with your heart again I guess you figured me out Now here's a taste of my own medicine

And for all this pain, that I can't explain There's a black flag wavin' tonight You know I let you down (let you down) I've been clumsy with your heart again 

Satellite - Mayday Parade

Cant really explain how this fits other than angsty Bright who thinks hes going to mess up everything (I swear everything I touch it breaks). Most of the lines could easily come from either of them to the other. Gets at the emotion of following each other and doing life together (will you follow?)

What if I told you, everything we built will slowly fade away? And if I hold you, I swear everything I touch it breaks But it you close your eyes and take my hand We could learn from our mistakes

If you jump, I'll follow If you jump, I'll follow

What if I told you, everything that's gold is sure to fade If I hold you, what if I hold you 'til we're old and grey? But if you close your eyes and take my hand We could learn from our mistakes

If you jump, I'll follow If I jump, will you follow? 

Never Let Me Go - We Came As Romans 

See below under Malcolm & Gil - really good for canon friendship/ partnership with Dani & Bright

Hush Hush - The Band CAMINO

This one is absolutely perfect for building tension between the two of them either for pre-brightwell or established Brightwell – Especially if they’re hiding it from the rest of the team. It’s perfect for something hot yet playful, or just completely angsty. It’s… well, you’ll see. Give it a listen!

I caught your eye across the room No one can feel the tension between me and you There's no need to mention all the things I wanna do You wanna do 'em too We both know we'd be over if they knew Yeah, we both know we'd be over if they knew

Hush, hush Don't give it away We'll both be better off if no one knows Hush, hush Got nothin' to say Just keep it to yourself 'til we get home Don't touch they're looking your way If anybody asks, we left alone Hush, hush Don't give it away Hush, hush Don't give it away

Honest - The Band CAMINO

This one right here – the ENTIRE song is 100% for those storylines that has the two of them attempting ‘no strings attached’ and casual without all the emotions that we KNOW are there. Perfect for leading into a change from casual to serious :) Here’s just a portion

Are we something to each other Or are we just blowing smoke? Are we caught between the covers Or is there something more going on in between us, or not? Is it just on the surface, or what?

We should be honest 'Cause sometimes I can't tell Do we really want this Or are we lying to ourselves? Is it the burning hearts alone in the dark That make the midnight call? Now we're caught between the real thing And nothing at all So we should be honest

Do you feel it when you kiss me? 'Cause I know you do somehow I don't know when we go where we got But we're both here somehow And I thought it was nothing until now

What I Want - The Band CAMINO

Some feels for break up/ fight Brightwell and perfect for Dani’s POV when he moves onto Eve shortly after saying he’d try to do better at them and that she’s the one he likes talking to.

You told me to love, but I won't It doesn't seem right, no and I'll never get what I want if I can't on my own I took a chance on a feeling But here I am feeling alone

If Im James Dean, Then You’re Audrey Hepburn - Sleeping With Sirens 

For when Malcolm is serious about them and really needs Dani to stay – most important line in this is ‘Cant promise that things wont be broken’ For serious, and fluff:)

They say that love is forever Your forever is all that I need Please stay as long as you need Can't promise that things won't be broken But I swear that I will never leave Please stay forever with me

The way that we are It's the reason I stay As long as you're here with me I know we'll be okay The way that we are Is the reason I stay As long as you're here with me I know I'll be okay

Another Nightmare - Sleeping With Sirens

It’s not hard for Bright to be a MESS - whether you're sticking with canon storylines or adding your own, he probably thinks he's an absolute nightmare to everyone around him, especially Dani.

Nobody's perfect, there's no excuse I've been such a fucking nightmare to you But I promise if you let me in (let me in, let me in) I will never ever hurt you again

Malcolm & Martin (as portrayed on the show - not going near that NOTP)

Monsters - All Time Low (Explicit language)

This song perfectly - 99% - describes the relationship between Malcolm and Martin  (aside from the ‘in the sheets’ reference STAY THE FRICK AWAY NOTP). What I like the most about this matching their relationship is the fact that it acknowledges that Malcolm keep letting himself go back to Martin and let him hurt him (although I know a good deal of that is Martins manipulation controlling Malcolm). Go listen to the whole thing - its new music and its beautiful.

Another day, 'nother headache in this hangover hotel Gettin' used to the rhythm, yeah, I know this beat too well Tunnel visions got me feeling, like you're the only one I see But I know what's missing, where I'm swimmin' In my lonely luxury

Why am I a sucker for all your lies? Strung out like laundry on every line Why do I come back to you, like I don't mind if you fuck up my life?

I'm addicted to the way you hurt, the way you contradict me I swear everything look worse at night, I think I'm overthinking I don't care who I might hurt along the way, I'm fuckin' sinking Into every word, I don't care if you lyin' when I'm drinking So, tell me pretty lies, look me in my face Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake 

A Trophy Father’s Trophy Son - Sleeping With Sirens

The actual context of the song doesn’t fit to this situation, since Martin was taken away rather than leaving his family on his own but the emotion behind the words as if they were coming from Malcolm is exactly the same: losing a father. Perfect for young Malcolm as well as current day.

Father, father, tell me where have you been? Its been hell not having you here I've been missing you so bad And you don't seem to care When I go to sleep at night, you're not there When I go to sleep at night, do you care?

I need to know, I need to know Why are you walking away? Was it something I did? Did I make a mistake cause I'm trying to deal with the pain I don't understand this, is this how it ends? I will try to understand

Blood Lines - Sleeping with Sirens

Doesn’t need any more explanation than the statement Martin made that haunts him ‘We are the same’

No matter what I do, you will never ever be like me And I will never be like you (like you)

Malcolm

Who Will Pray? - We Came As Romans

Not in a religious context at all. Definitely a song on the more glum/ angsty side to describe Malcolm and how he feels about himself in relation to everyone around him.

We share our days Together now the sun is gone am I Another left here on my own alone And I'm slowly sinking

Scared to say What I'm feeling is the truth I need to face reality I choose to use to trick myself again into thinking

Short of breath and pulse erratic The weight of my chest, I'm slightly panicked

If I start to fade, gone without a trace Who will pray for me tomorrow? If I fall too far, disappear in the dark Who will pray for me tomorrow? 

Blood Lines - Sleeping With Sirens

Just some lyrics I found that accurately describe Malcolm – ‘Why do I try to save everyone I meet?’ evidenced by his talking down of their killer in every episode, and his ‘someone breaks us’ in the pilot as he tried to talk that killer down.

Why do I try to save everyone I meet? Is it because they are just like me? (Just like me) Same tracks, wrong side of the street Not typical in the way that we speak When you always expect to lose You don't give a fuck what they think of you It's written in our DNA Are we just born this way?

Malcolm & Gil (AS THEYRE PORTRAYED ON THE SHOW, PEOPLE, still not going near that NOTP)

Never Let Me Go - We Came As Romans

This one actually fits any caring relationship with Bright, especially with Gil, and his canon friendship/ partnership with Dani. 

The POV in the chorus changes halfway through, as an answer to the person saying ‘dont let me go’ so I see that as being them telling Malcolm they wont let him go.

My body shivers at the thought of getting up My heart is starting to accept that I am giving up No strength left Is it over yet? Am I thinking with my heart or with my head? Through distance, you remind me that

Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me go

So hold me close and never let me, never let me go At my lowest of lows, when I need you the most So let's reverse, could you look for me, could you look for me first? I will hold you close, I will never let you go I will never let you go I will never let you go

My hands welcome yours as you begin to see me My heart is starting to accept your rescue completely This new life that you placed in my heart I hope that I will make it through to you And in my steps you will follow behind, Oh Don't let me go! 

Malcolm & JT (Once again - as they’re portrayed on the show)

Agree to Disagree - Sleeping With Sirens

Doesn't entirely fit them where they are at now, but it’s perfect for how JT viewed him pretty early on

You think you're better than me? You don't like what you see? I think it's best we agree to disagree I'm doing fine by myself I never asked for your help I think it's best we agree to disagree

Songs that I’m getting paring/ character vibes from but I have no explanation why: 

For a While - The Band CAMINO (Brightwell)

See Through - The Band CAMINO (Brightwell)

[just-call-me-johnny-archive]

TW: Suicidal ideation, past suicide attempt mentioned, abusive language, stalking, paranoia, dreamlike body horror, panic attack. Reader discretion is advised.

He's there again. It's night time; they are both out drinking on the balcony. Crickets chirp and turn into a background white noise. His hair is short and blue and whips with the Summer wind. His eyes are still sharp and just barely shadowed as they look over the dewy streets of a sleeping city. 

He hears the other man take another sip of his drink and then take a drag of a cigarette. Johnny is surprised when it doesn't burn the inside of his nostrils like before. 

Despite knowing he had been drinking at some point before this time, Johnny just keeps the bottle in between his legs. Some sort of cherry wine cooler. Fruity pansy mocktail shit, as Edgar so endearingly referred to them as. 

And it's this thought alone that reminds Johnny that he is dreaming, because in his memories- Edgar is never sarcastic or mean. He was funny and a little rude but in a cute way to Nny. 

But to Johnny, he feels a living resentment that he can't show. 

"You know you'll never be good enough for them, right?" He exhales, talking as smoke billows out and he's just blowing off steam on Johnny. His brain is because Edgar is not actually here and there's no way in Hell that Johnny spontaneously decided to pay the apartment a visit. 

Nny or Johnny or whoever he is here, looks over to Edgar and says 'what?' Confused and yet knowing and frightened that he does but dreams are just metaphors and he can't control anything here as usual. Just watch and play pretend and act and wait to awaken safe and far away. 

"Don't act stupid," the man says rolling his eyes harshly and flicking his finger and cigarette towards Johnny. "You know what I'm talking about. You don't think I can't see what you actually dream about? How much you just ache to be that man's little bug. Well I'll tell you now Swallowtail, you're no match for the Joneses over there." 

"I mean, really? You couldn't have picked a worse couple to crush on, Nny. They are not even in the same sport as you, let alone league. Allow me to put it in perspective." 

Vargas puts the cigarette at the corner of his lips and raises his hands a large amount of space apart. 

"You're… discount putt putt in a two-star shopping center. And they are a Super Bowl played and broadcasted on the Moon." 

He laughs and inhales while Johnny's mouth is set in a firm line. Unable to say anything. Unsure what to say because he's right. He is always right and even in a fucking dream he won't let this aware version of the bastard see him cry ever again. 

"Look at you, can't even fucking laugh. I bet Leera can laugh. Bet she has the cutest little laugh that makes your precious Counselor's heart flutter. I also bet you can never do that for him." 

Johnny blinks, looking away, face hot and eyes burning. He will scoop them out he swears he will because there's no consequences here. He can dig that lump in his throat out too and toss it like a little rubber bouncey ball you can get in those coin slots dispensers. 

"Oh wait. No, I lied. You do, but more in a heart attack kind of way. Tell you what, Swallowtail, you sure know how to whore for attention. If you honestly believe that anything they're doing for you is for any other reason than you're a basket case sob story and slash or your sister and her whole goddamn family are royalty and slash or highly powerful people who have Dr. Jack Daniel's by his dick- then you're screwing yourself, my dear." 

Johnny sets a frown and speaks, finding it easier to do than he thought it would be. 

"I do know that." You don't have to keep fucking telling me how worthless I am and how much I'll never fit in with anything or how everyone who loves me does it out of pity or that I'm just kidding myself that anyone actually cares. I know that i fucking know that i cant ever forget you never let me forget. 

His throat burns like the words stuffed down his throat. 

"Good boy," Edgar says, grinning at the glassy eyed look that Johnny has trained on the drink in his grasp, wiping the condensation away with a shaky finger. 

"I am sorry though, Swallowtail. It must be hard knowing that the only worth you have is as slavery towards your homicidal duties. You'll spend the rest of eternity irredeemably worthless with no reprieve of going mad to save you. Every day you'll be stuck with no one but yourself and whoever you may have… recruited in your delusion will be dead. Because see- immortality is a gift that just keeps giving. You'll live long enough to see all of the people who claim to love you in this life, grow old and die away or be gruesomely murdered and take that fragile bordered love with them." 

"So, if I were you- and honestly, no offense, I am very glad I am not- I would just focus on the fleeting moments you have now and stop filling your little head with fantasies of being Jack's boytoy, because darling- may I remind you- any love that you think you feel or care or whatever- is temporary. When they die- it dies. So essentially, my dearest Swallowtail, you'll eventually kill that too." 

Edgar takes another drag and then lets the cigarette fall to the concrete, crushing it with the toes of his dress shoes. "Which- as a recap- is all you're ever going to do." 

He reaches over and pats Johnny's cheek and the man flinches, making a few of the tears he had been holding back fall down his cheeks. 

Vargas then gets up and goes towards the balcony door and Johnny's body spasms a little and he finds himself surrounded by pitch black, and the familiar sounds of the room allow him to quiet his whimpered gasps down. 

His breath levels out as he lets the tears fall as the dream fades away slowly. He still remembers a chunk of it. Enough to bring him back to the practice of making sure his cries are silent and quick and draining because he wants to be heard and held and told they're all lies of an exhausted, overclocked brain, but he knows that it's all true and he shouldn't make a noise because why is he even crying for? That his brain is trying to tell him he has been right all along and he just has to take it and live with it because it's fucking life and he better get used to it. 

He keeps asking himself why he's crying and what good it'll do and not to wake anyone with his noise and he eventually is able to calm down enough to breathe again. 

He feels gross, warm, with his face wet and his throat feeling clogged and his eyes burning. Nobody wants to see that. Wants to see him sniveling and whining about a silly dream when there's so many actual problems to worry about. Like an unborn child and a company and a kingdom and a galaxy of people. So many more important things. 

And it's in that moment where Johnny starts wondering where the surgical scalpels are because he needs to do it for real this time. No fucking up and being found and failing at killing everything but himself. Kill the disease; kill the host. Kill the thoughts kill the noise kill the sadness kill the shame kill the memories kill the desires and and needs. 

Kill the images in his head of being found like this and held and shushed and told everything would be okay because it's never okay and all he has are these stupid fucking fantasies that will never happen and that aren't his to have anymore anyways. And that are useless pictures of window shopping. Of things he can't afford and will never be worthy of. 

And he physically has to hold on to the blanket to stop himself from getting up right now, walking down that hall, and just throwing himself out into the vastness of space.

 It hasn't been this bad in a while and he thinks about Dr. Ruxill's voice talking about therapy. And he wonders how that would go for him talking about things he can barely handle himself. About memories he only just started recovering over the past two years. And then he thinks of losing his last breath to the stars and how he won't have to talk ever again. 

And he continues this over and over and over until the lights come back on and the nurse comes in and he can't be roused to give his arm for more medicine. He's curled in tight to himself and he's aware and awake but mute and non-compliant. And after a while of coaxing and no response or surrender they give up and call in reinforcements. 

And then Counselor comes in with his soft voice and common sense and rationality and Johnny can't handle any of that especially and so he pulls the blankets over his head and doesn't leave that position until he senses the lights are turned off and his room is vacant and the staff are being briefed not to enter his room unless it's an emergency. 

Breakfast is brought in without a word and then lunch and when dinner rolls around Johnny's everything hurts so bad that he has to at least eat a small piece of bread to shut up the annoying gnawing in his gut. 

After a while, Johnny hears the violin come in through the vents. And it sounds like how he feels and despite all the numbness and walls and impassivity he has put up today he crumbles there in the bed, sobbing openly into the blazer he has under his sheets. He whispers things to it and himself that he would never say in out loud. Tells it his dirty little secrets and fears and just like the owner it listens without judgment. The violin in the air covers it all protectively, keeping Johnny's words between himself and the blazer he's wrinkling in his shaky, desperate grasp. 

I want i want i want… he tells the jacket's silky interior. Spills it all and lets the words sink in like the saliva on his lips leaving a dark patch on the material he has pressed against them. 

He seals the confession with a kiss, feeling childish and pathetic, but Johnny presses his face and forehead into the cool silk and it tells him he's not. 

Johnny lays on his side again, hugging the thick blazer close to his chest. He curls into it, seeking and finding warmth as he begins to drift halfway through a sound change. The tone becomes timid, questioning, and curious now. Nothing like the confident, heavy, slow, and morose chords from before. 

An experiment. In music and in coping with the inevitable. 

Johnny's sleep is dreamless this time, and he holds the blazer the whole night through rather than wearing it. 

[josephmozzerellaswife-blog]

Expecting the Unexpected Part 5

After several weeks of finals and studying I had time to write Chapter 5 for you guys! I hope you enjoy :))

Warnings: So much fluff it’s gross, angst!!! Yeah that’s it.

Word Count: 4.7K

Summary: When Joe gets back from his recent business trip he notices something is up with your new little one. Can an urgent ER trip can change your lives for good?

You woke up to the warm touch of your husband’s hand spread across your back, his body close to yours. Your mind never stopped racing all night, the constant fear that when you revealed your daughter’s diagnosis to the world, that the fans would think of you both as failed parents. You worried for Joe’s career. How was this going to affect him? What if the backlash prevents his success?

The rapid pacing of your breath woke Joe from his sleep.

“Babe what’s wrong?!” He croaked worriedly.

Tears were slowly falling from your cheeks but no sound left your body. Your voice almost none existent. He cuddled you tightly into his arms, his chin resting against your head.

“Love please don’t cry. I hate to see you so upset, please talk to me. Your fear is my pain.” His pleading increasing.

“What if this ruins your career. What if you don’t pick up anymore jobs because the people think we failed our child. What if they send CPS on us and take Scarlet away. What if-“. Joe stopped you from your rant, his lips pressed against your forehead as his hand held your cheek.

“Don’t let your anxiety get the best of you my love. I know that this will be hard. I’m here for you every single step of the way. I’m not going anywhere and if I don’t get anymore jobs it’s not the end of the world. And I don’t think anyone would call CPS on us because our baby became ill.”

“But you love your work Joey. I cant be the reason it all ends for you.”

“Don’t ever say this is your fault again. Scarlet’s illness has nothing to do with our parenting. If I lose my jobs it’s not the end of it for me. Yeah I love my work but I love my girls more than anything else in this world. Nothing is going to change that.”

Your panic slowed as his touch calmed your body. His words slowly easing you back into your sleep.

Joe carefully shifted himself out of bed making sure he wouldn’t wake you up. His plan for the day changed when he saw you so upset. He quickly but quietly got dressed and left you a note to make sure you knew where he was. He wouldn’t be gone for long but didn’t want you to worry anymore than you already had been that morning.

He swiped the keys off the table and tip toed his way out of the hotel room making sure to give you a kiss before he left.

Joe’s steps were rushed as he made his way downstairs, doing his best to try and avoid the press since the cafe incident. He threw on his shades and slide right past the front desk out of sight and on his way to the car.

Before pulling onto the highway, Joe shot Ben a quick text.

Hey bud I’m on my way back to the house right now, do you think you could have Scarlet dressed for me when I get there? Y/N and I decided that we need to tell everyone. I cant have people bashing my family anymore Ben, I just can’t.

Yeah of course. Is Y/N ok?

I’m hoping after today that things will get better. It kills me to see her so upset.

I cant even imagine what you guys are going through. I’m so sorry Joe.

Yeah it’s rough, but we will get through it though I just know we can. I’ll be there in an hour or so, I have a few things I need to get.

No problem. I’ll have the little one all ready for you!

Joe set his phone in the cup holder just before taking off to his first stop. Considering the news you would be unloading into the world today, it’s only appropriate that the post should be as accurate as possible to avoid any questioning. For as long as Joe has been dealing with the press, he’s become quite the genius when it comes to addressing the public.

His plan was to get some flowers for you because as much as you tell him he is all you need, he loves to spoil you no matter how much you object. He picked up some of your favorite white peonies mixed with the brightest of yellow daisies. A couple of baby snacks and some coconut chips for you and Joe was on his way. Grocery shopping was usually a bit odd considering your husband was a well known actor since he was a child but most of the time he wasn’t recognized which made him at ease. Sure he loved the fans and always stopped to take pictures but something about today just made him want to avoid the media.

“Oh my these are so pretty! Special occasion i’m guessing?” The cashier asked with delight.

“Sure you could say something like that.” Joe responded with a small grin on his face.

“Wait I’ve seen you somewhere. You look soooo familiar! Aren’t you an actor?!” The girl’s tone become increasingly higher.

“I am actually yes. Just picking up a few groceries today though.” Joe’s mood slowly uplifting by the girl’s enthusiasm.

“You were in that new Queen movie right?”

“Guilty.” Joe said putting his hands up while laughing.

“You did so incredible! Very well rehearsed.”

The growing line of customers was soon pushing Joe out the door.

“Ahh thank you so much I really appreciate it. Have a great day!” He replied before making his way past the automatic doors.

He sneakily maneuvered his way past the press again before jumping in the car and on the road to your house. It had only been half a day and he was missing your little girl like nuts.

Just as he pulled into the driveway, he saw Ben standing there with your bundle of joy peacefully sleeping in his grasp.

“Geez if she wasn’t my kid I would have mistaken you for her dad.” Joe laughed.

“Woah man just doing my fun uncles duties, that’s all for now.” Ben proceeded to laugh with Joe.

Joe swiftly jumped out of the car and ran to hold his precious little one in his arms. Her touch drastically increasing his spirits as she rested her head against his chest, Joe’s breathing lifting her with each pace.

“So did you and Y/N have any fun last night?” Ben chimed in.

“Oh you don’t even know dude. You wish you could have those details don’t you.” They both began to laugh again. Joe’s chest slightly bouncing Scarlet’s head.

“So you’re gonna do it tonight then, reveal to all?”

“I have to man. I cant stand to see Y/N trying to blame herself for this. She thinks that she is gonna ruin my career because of Scarlet’s diagnosis. She keeps telling me it’s her fault and she won’t listen to me.” Joe’s eyes started to become glassy.

“Listen Joe, I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you guys but I’m always here to help with anything. I know i’m going back to England in a few days but I can always jump on the first flight out. She is my niece after all. I’d do just about anything for this kiddo.” He implies before gently rubbing his hand across her back, causing her to shuffle a bit in Joey’s grasp.

“Thank you Ben. For everything. I know it probably hasn’t been easy for you either. Watching us go through this and all. But I just don’t know how I can stop Y/N from blaming herself. She keeps seeing all those posts about the guys doing stuff and how the fans don’t think I have anything new coming up. It’s horrible seeing her this way, it just kills me.” Ben takes Joe and the baby in for a hug. He knows it’s what he really needs right now. He knows that Joe has been staying strong for Y/N even when he doesn’t have to.

“Listen. I’ll go back to England for a week or so just to get all my projects situated and then i’m flying to New York for the week to help you and Y/N with the baby. Isn’t her second treatment around that time?”

“Ben you don’t have to do all that for us. We can handle it.” Joe explained.

“I know you both are totally capable of doing this yourselves, but Joe you don’t have to. You have me and your mom, Y/N parents, the guys, heck the fans would even help if they could.”

“It’s just a lot to ask man. I cant have you putting your career aside for us.”

“You weren’t asking I was offering. Scarlet is my niece Joe and I want to be there for all of you.”

Joe stood there in awe. His best friend was willing to put his career on hold just to help your family when you need it the most. Just before Joe went to speak again, his pocket lit up and played your song. It was the one they played on your wedding night, a elton john song, considering how much you adored his music and Victim of Love was one of your favorites.

“Hang on its Y/N I have to get this.”

“It’s fine bro just go. I know you still have things to get done. We can talk more about this later, i’ll just lock up and be on my way.” Ben pleaded before walking back inside.

Joe quickly mouthed the words ‘Thank you’ to Ben before buckling Scarlet into her car seat.

“Hey baby is everything alright?” Joe answered frantically.

“Yes Joey everything’s fine, where are you?” You questioned, his note he left for you still lying by the bedside.

“I just ran out to do a couple errands I’ll be back in like half an hour.”

“Oh ok.” You whispered in a puzzled manner, confusion plastered across your face. I thought Joe didn’t have any work stuff this week?

“I love you darling. I’ll see you in a few. Don’t have to much fun without me.”

You giggled. Seeing as how much fun the two of you had last night, you knew exactly what he was referring to.

“How could I ever.” Your giggles echoing through the phone.

You pressed the end call button quickly after that before setting your phone back down by your side. Your half naked body still sprawled against the sheets. You couldn’t help but replay the pleasure you had just the night before. The way Joe handled your ever so fragile body with his. His touch comforting your every move as he guided you. His love so securing against your thoughts.

You unwrapped yourself from the silk sheets and stumbled your way to the bathroom for a quick shower, wondering what Joe had planned for the day.

Little did you know that Joe was heading to your favorite coffee shop before coming back to the hotel. The coffee shop was where Joe took you on your first visit to LA together while he was there for one of his short films with his friends.

He unbuckled Scarlet and bundled her up considering it was still somewhat chilly in California before heading inside.

“Ahh Mr. Mazzello! Here for the usual I presume?” Y/N’s favorite barista insisted to Joe.

“You know us so well.” Joe replied, pinching Scarlet’s chubby cheeks.

The service there was always incredible for the Mazzellos. We were, after all, frequent customers.

The barista swiftly slid your coffee across the counter with a small brown bag by its side.

“Wait what’s this?” Joe questioned the woman.

“For the little one. My son has stage 3 and i’ve become pretty prime in seeing the signs.” She gave Joe a sideways smile.

He knew he could trust her considering your relationship with the girl.

“It’s been a rough couple of months.” He sulked.

“I wish you guys the best, really I do Joe. Hugs to the wife for me.” She said before reaching out to Scarlet for a high five.

Although today might be one of the hardest days of yours and Joe’s life, it seemed as if everything was in your favor today. The people you ran into only want the best for you. The kindness in the world really shining through on the toughest of days.

Joe quickly buckled the baby back into her seat as she dozed off into her first nap of the day. The medication has really been taking a toll on her body lately. Joe drove around town for a bit longer than usual just to give Scarlet enough time to keep her out of the grumpy stage before pulling into the hotel parking lot.

He grabbed your beautiful baby girl out of her car seat and fixed up her bedhead before grabbing the rest of the bags from your car. With his hands quite full, Joe made his way to the elevators, juggling all the bags while trying to keep Scarlet from falling back asleep.

The loud ding of the elevator hitting the suite floor made Joe’s heart race. He couldn’t wait to see the joy on your face. His walk down the hall with your little one clinging to his chest lasted what seemed like an eternity to Joe, yet he enjoyed every moment with Scarlet. His steps becoming heavier as they inches closer to your door.

You could hear someone coming down the hall and have been anticipating when Joe will come back. Your love for that man was endlessly unconditional. Just as you go to pick up your phone, a light knock came from the front door. Your face became painted with excitement as you ran to the door and find your husband standing in the doorway, arms full of so many joyful things.

“Joey I-“ your words snatched from under your breath.

“I wanted to do this the right way Y/N/N. I want everything to be perfect and I wanted to make you happy and what better way than this cutie.” He exclaimed as he passed the baby to you.

“She is absolutely perfect isn’t she.”

“Oh I was talking about me being the cutie but I guess she can be too.” Joe barely managed to get out because of the enormous amounts of laughter spewing from his diaphragm.

Your eyes quickly met his as a tear sneakily ran down your cheek. Joe always found a way to make you happy, always. He set down all the stuff by the bed and wrapped you in his arms. Your head gently fell against his chest as Scarlet’s was rested on yours.

“This is all I ever wanted in life and you always manage to give me more. You really are the love of my life Joe Mazzello.” You expressed to him with a sweet tone.

“Until the day I die darling.” He smiled before placing a kiss against your soft, pillow lips.

Joe grasps your waist as you slowly sway from right to left, trying to ease your restless baby.

“I’m sorry we have to do this Y/N. I’m sorry that my life is so public that we can’t keep things for ourselves. I’m sorry that-“ Joey couldn’t even finish his sentence before you stopped him.

“Joey stop apologizing baby. This is your dream and you deserve to enjoy it. I knew what I was getting myself into when we got engaged. I knew it was going to be difficult to live with the press always up our ass. I knew it was going to be worse when Scarlet was born too, but that didn’t make me resent your dream love. We want you to be happy.” The words slipped off your tongue so easily just like the tears running down your cheeks.

Joe’s hand raises against your skin as his thumb brushes off the salty crystals from your under eyes. A few tears leave the corner of his eyes while you both just sway together, holding each other close, one of his hands warm across the arch in your back while the other rests against Scarlet’s auburn curls.

You gently rest yourself against the bed while Joe unpacks everything he brought for the day.

On your side table displayed the extravagant bundle of peonies with little pops of bright yellow speckles throughout the petals. The quiet snores of the fragile infant resting in your arms provided you with the happiness you so desperately craved for today. Her soft, rosy skin pressing against yours brought you so much hope and love every moment. You sat with Scarlet for a while, singing to her and swaying side to side as she rested between your legs, her eyes hardly staying open and her hand rested against her face with such beauty you didn’t understand how you could be so lucky.

Meanwhile, Joey was getting everything we needed for Scarlet’s checkup to make sure she was healthy enough to fly back home to New York. You could hear Joe quietly mumbling off a little check list so he didn’t forget anything, bless his heart.

“Blankets, check. Diapers, check. Uhh...what else, hmm. Oh can’t forget bunnie, what was I thinking.” Joe whispers slowly turned into his inside voice.

You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. When Joe was concentrating it was really hard to get his attention and it always makes you laugh when he starts conversations with himself.

Scarlet’s appointment was in about an hour and Joe had finished up his ‘checklist’ a while ago. Joe had come over and laid down beside you before turning on some Tom Hanks movie, probably Turner and Hooch or something I can’t remember, but anyways, Scarlet was wide awake and was happily having some tummy time before we had to leave. Joe was switching between watching Scarlet and watching Tom run after Hooch for 30 minutes. The vibration from your phone pulled you from your distraction.

Appointment for Scarlet E. Mazzello. Confirming for 3:15pm on Wednesday, March 6th. REPLY WITH YES OR NO.

You quickly replied yes and returned to the fantasy sitting right in front of you. It was 2pm now and it only took about half an hour to get there so you let them entertain you for a little while longer. While Joe snatched the baby up for a quick diaper change, you thought you’d treat yourself to a quick pamper session before jumping in the car for Scarlet’s appointment.

You quickly rinse off in the shower before throwing on a warm peachy sundress with white lace on the top. You went with a little look for makeup, peachy eyeshadow maybe a little bit of concealer to hid the stress bags under your eyes. Joe was watching you from the doorway as he put Scarlet on the ground for more tummy time.

He used his Eugene Sledge voice on you to catch your attention, which always drove you mad.

“Now how does a pretty little lady like you end up here in the arms of a marine.” He imitated, grabbing your hand to twirl you into his grasp.

“Why how on earth could I resist such a brave man like yourself?” Your southern accent kicking in.

“Well if you don’t mind me askin’ ma’am but would you like to dance with a man like myself?”

“How could I say no? You are the best man to walk into my life you know that.” You reply, breaking character.

Joey’s lips soon crashed into yours with the most passionate kiss, his hands resting in the arch of your back as yours soon glide up to his neck. A small squeak came from the ground which pulled you from your distraction. There a few feet in front of you was your tiny little baby resting on her tummy trying to push herself up, but this time she was a few feet over.

“Did she just-“ you asked Joe in confusion of the sight in front of you.

“I don’t... Did she?” He replied back.

You both crouch to the floor as you admire your chubby mini me pushing herself off the ground. Joe rests his hand on your thigh as Scarlet gets further and further from the floor and is in full stance position. Within seconds Scarlet was slightly pushing herself across the floor towards you.

“Joey she just-... Oh my gosh Joey she just did it!”

“Scarlet you crawled for the first time baby girl.” Joey spoke with delight and pride in his words as he lifted her up into the air.

You admired as you watched your husband celebrate this monumental moment with you in your daughter’s life. How even though she’s sick, she still will grow up to be the bright little girl we wish for her to be.

Joe’s lips met yours once again, but this time with a taste of joy and relief. He set the baby gently on the playmate again before helping you up on your feet and pulling you back into his arms.

“We’re gonna be alright darling. She’s the strongest little girl in the world, not even the fans can take that from us.” Joe comforted you.

His hands held your waist tightly while you both stared down at your newly crawling baby scooting across the floor. You glanced at Joe’s watch to find that it was 2:40 and that you might be late for Scarlet’s appointment.

“Baby we better get going, or we’re gonna be late.” You nervously insisted to Joe.

He nodded and paced off to grab the diaper bag and got the car ready while you threw a few loose curls in your hair and finished getting the baby ready. You thought that since this would be how you were going to tell the world about Scarlet, she would at least need to be adorable, as if she already isn’t. You dressed her in an orange long sleeve onesie, considering she has been getting cold much easier, and a light grey beanie but making sure to keep her light auburn locks peeking out on the sides. Joe brought the car seat in and got the baby situated while you finished cleaning up the bathroom.

Rushing out of the house, Joe opened Scarlet’s door so you could buckle the car seat in. He went to lock the front while you got into the other side. You noticed all the things Joe had bought for you and how he brought you so much joy in every situation. You swirled your decaf coffee as Joey hopped into the drivers side and drove down the hills of Calabasas.

You loved how Scarlet almost admired the things outside the window. Her small mind always looking to wonder about the world. Her curiosity always brought you joy, all the both of you could hope for before she was born was that she would be happy, healthy, and adventurous just like the both of you.

Joe whipped into the parking lot just before 3:10 and you scrambled to get everything put away while Joe grabbed your sleeping child from the backseat.

By the time you got inside, Joe was signing in the baby and quickly joined you. A couple minutes went by before the nurse called you all back and brought us to our normal room.

She examined Scarlet as usual, checking all her levels, drawing a bit of blood which she will never grow fond of, and this time inserting an IV before leaving to grab the doctor. The worry was painted on your face from across the room.

“I assure you there is nothing to worry about Mrs. Mazzello. This is just to make sure she is hydrated and it also pushes in some other medications from the chemo that keep her systems healthy and keep her happy.” She explained for reassurance.

You gazed at your sleeping child from the seat across the room. Joe had gone for a quick business call while you waited for the doctor to come in. The way the room was set up was perfect, the doctors always let you keep things in the office because of the time you have had to spend here while Joe is on work trips. It made the room feel a bit more homier each time. Lucy added a few things to the window sill the last time we were here. She insisted that she come to an appointment to do anything she could.

The slight creak from the door pulled your from your thoughts and your attention was drawn to its hinges. Luckily it was just Joe.

“Jesus Joe you scared the shit out of me.” You panicked.

Joe couldn’t stop himself from laughing in the corner, his face turning a shade of pink. He makes his way to you as he apologizes and kisses your sweet lips. His gaze is pulled to your snoring angel, sleeping away on one of the large pillows from the day bed.

“I think this is it love. This is how we should tell them.” Joe persisted.

“Scarlet sleeping by the windowsill? Don’t get me wrong it’s adorable but is that really how?” You questioned.

“Think of it from a film makers perspective. Scarlet lying on the bed sound asleep while being treated for the illness she is going to beat with the support from everyone around her. Also the aesthetic in here is just gorgeous too.”

You giggled.

“Thank Lucy for that one. She’s the decoration queen.”

He grabbed your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours. You handed him your Canon from the chair and let him work his magic. It took him one angle, one shot, to find the perfect explanation for her story, our story.

You gazed at the glowing screen in front of you. The photo was stunning. Each section telling a piece of the story so vividly but also dramatically. This was how the world was going to find out.

Joe downloaded the photos while the doctor came in and discussed how Scarlet’s treatment was beginning to work and that a few more months of chemo and she would be looking at a good recovery.

Once Joe had finished the photo editing and showed you, it was everything it was supposed to be. You held your baby with such joy and love as each moment of reveal became so much closer.

Joe wrote out the post and proceeded to read you what it said.

To our daughter, Scarlet E. Mazzello. We know that life has been rough in the first few months of your life, but we want you to always remember that everyone loves you and will support you through every step of the way through this journey with us by your side sweet girl. Our baby girl was diagnosed with Stage 2 Pilocytic Astrocytoma, a rare form of childhood brain cancer. She has been receiving treatment and is recovering from each fight with a giggle and a smile. We apologize for keeping such a thing secret from the public but wish for time to spend with our baby out of the public eye. We also wanted to say a very grateful thank you to everyone who has been extremely understanding and supportive through the last few weeks.

A tear slid from you cheek as Joe wipes it away.

“It’s perfect Joey. Post it.”

His thumb tapped the blue arrow and the secret was out. Everyone was going to know. Everyone.

You get a sudden rush of relief as you held your baby close between you and Joe. Her gorgeous hazel eyes gazing up at you two, not knowing a thing about what’s happening. Joe pulled you close to him as he coddle the little one alongside you.

“So what’s next?” He questioned his eyes fixed on Scarlet.

“We beat the hell out of this cancer.”

“Agreed.”

You all remained close for what seemed so little of time. Enjoying each other’s company and watching you daughter discover the simplest of things. Everything seemed normal again, or what seemed normal for the time being.

Taglist:

@deakyspuff @radioxtaylor @everybodyplaythegame @winnielinleigh @slutfordeacy-mazello @benmeadowstaylor @super-heros-are-my-life @ixchel-9275 @onehystericalqueeen @queens-n-roses @soberandfurious @sevenseasofky @toger-raylor @sincereleygmg @mrsmazzello @myfreakydeaky @readdyyfreddie @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @misterbrianmay @heartsarecompatible @okiegirl120491 @imagines-xxx @classypaintercolorcowboy @rogersradio @sssmileyriley @florenceivy @dr-tim-murphy

Thank you all for your endless patience I love you and enjoy😘

[spearxwind]

thanks

it should all be updated now!! ty!! 

dkjfkfdj god im glad. theres like.... 50 million adri asks in my inbox rn and idk when theyre from or what theyre referring to but just know i love u all a lot and the fact that you like him this much makes my day every day ty yall

im glad you like her!! i havent had much of a chance to draw her, esp. since i mostly use her to represent myself, but eventually I might :’) sorry i cant give a more specific answer im definitely planning on redoing her ref sheet though... at some point

yea

we’re doing PRETTY GOOD ive got a lot of his story down and ive finally, after THREE YEARS. nailed down the lore in a good way so its all dandy and ive been really good!! busy with irl stuff and visiting my friends and doing a lot of cool things, ive honestly never been better -w- 

as of right now though, adri’s been in timeout for about two weeks and i am seriously holding back from drawing him so i can focus on other ocs and other projects kjsdkjlshsj but you guys won’t really catch the timeout I guess since im going to be spamming art for the next 10 days (both of him and other ocs though. but you probably wont catch him on timeout is what im saying. not that i havent kept yall on timeout for 3 months whoops)

god i didnt even think anyone remembered nulll.... ty my dude. i actually came across all my old art of him the past couple days bc i was organizing all my files and yknow, i might bring him back at some point (but dont hold your breath...... im notorious for forgetting these types of promises)

IM SORRY IM SO VERY LATE ANSWERING THIS BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS LITERALLY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME IM !!!! [SADCAT EMOJI] 

youll be.......... happy to know im starting another comic though (dont worry, i probably wont leave this one half done. its been in development for 6+ years kljhksjdfhskjghl) 

my art tag up to now consists almost entirely of art made on firealpaca! its a free, lightweight and versatile program and ive drawn on it for years. I recently bought CSP since im going to be a lot more serious about my art now, and I also got to a point in firealpaca where id already learned how to do mostly everything and the limited brush engine was holding me back, so i waited for CSP to go on sale and WOW it is absolutely amazing, theres SO MANY tools and brushes you can download for free, its literally mindblowing. i really really recommend it if you’re willing to put the money in

i do know of other free programs that you could use though! there’s medibang paint, its also very powerful however for me it was really counterintuitive to learn 

and there’s KRITA as well which has several brush engines instead of just one ! 

theres mischief, its a program that uses vectors to draw so you could infinitely scale your drawing up or down  and never lose quality. its a paid program but there’s a free version, the only problem is that it only lets you have one layer

_____________________________________________________________

OKAY thats all the like... asks that i can actually give an answer to. the others I either dont know how to respond, dont require an answer or the like, but i promise ive read every one of them! !

im going to clear my inbox now to make space for all the new asks :3 ty yall

[holidayting6-blog]

I met Anna because

I met Anna because she flatly offered to talk to me — clothed or unclothed — in exchange for money. She's Romanian, a model from a region with a reputation for sordid conditions and rapacious studio owners. If there were a dark side to the industry, she'd at least be nestled closest to it. But when her camera first flipped on for me, I didn't see the stained walls of a prostitute's den. Instead: a bright, modern apartment inhabited by a bright, modern girl. In her pink underwear. Anna embodies almost every delightful stereotype an American brain can hold over a young girl from Romania. At 24, she's clever — even cunning — sarcastically flirtatious in a way that makes you want to check your back pocket, and possesses stunning slavic beauty.Her conditions at the next studio were bare at best, and at times the most personal privacy she had, while performing for strangers on live camera, were a few hanging sheets separating her from the others walking in and out of some rundown flat. Although she was the frequent victim of what would certainly qualify as flagrant, physical sexual harassment in any other business, Anna stuck through it, priding herself on her ability to talk a path out of a "bad situation" with male employers.As with most sex work, webcamming doesn’t have the best reputation. It’s often seen as exploitation or a last-resort hustle to pay off debt, but Reed Amber, 26, explains how webcam models are just your average self-employed freelancers with the same amount of agency and independence as anyone else.But some women are not free to make the choices Lana has. Oana, 28, counts herself as an escapee from the sex industry. At 16 - a minor - she fell in love with a boyfriend who persuaded her to do video chat.

But there's really nothing exotic about Anna. She's occasionally lazy and often messy, spending most of her days, as far as I can tell, puttering around her Bucharest apartment in pajamas, playing with her cats, drinking enormous plastic bottles of soda, working on coding an iOS game, and taking occasional trips out to pick up fried chicken and buy new underwear. She claims to have almost no "real" friends off of the internet, but is consistently cheery, and enormously talkative. While video chatting, she always asks if I mind before she smokes. Anna complains about having to take time away from Diablo 3 for her cam sessions, where she chats with regulars, masturbates, mouths along to pop songs, and waits, waits, waits for someone to send her money. And when it comes, it comes. Anna's a MyFreeCam loyalist, earning $US6 a minute via "tokens" — a clever way to obscure how much her customers actually spend. It's a lot easier to fork over 900 tokens than thinking about the $US75 you just spent in minutes. This is Anna's sole income, and what took her out of rural Romanian poverty and the whims of other men.The first time I went private with a guy I freaked the fuck out. All he wrote was get naked. And so far all Id done in a chat room was flash my boobs for an influx of tokens. I froze up in stage ­fright and closed the room. In my group chat I wrote: Sorry, cam froze. And I logged off for the night.Odds are, you're referred by a newspaper or website listing. Maybe a friend suggested you try it out. Maybe you're shifting from traditional strip club work to the online equivalent — a popular trend in wealthier countries. Maybe you're working in a brothel where web camming is just another expectation. Whatever the case, you'll have to stream yourself through a web cam portal, one of the massive sites that catalogues thousands of models and acts as a go-between between customer and model.Why do you think some men, and probably women as well, prefer it to porn?

A lot of what we see in the media doesn't help either. People have this idea [about] the type of person who does webcamming, where they're either not good enough for porn or they're too lazy to find a real job, and that's all bullshit. Unfortunately there's a lot of girls who do turn to webcamming for the wrong reasons, especially when it comes to money, and a lot of people feel guilty for doing it. But we sell our souls for money all the time, why not our body? Why wouldn't you have a bit of sexual fun at the same time?There are still big ticket European customers these days, men who Anna is reluctant to call "addicted", but "spend more time... you need to entertain those people who are going to stay for hours and hours in your room, even if they finished what they came for — they want to get to know you. Either way, camming keeps Anna in comfy sweatpants and Fanta.Working an eight-hour day, she earns close to 4,000 euros (£3,600) per month - nearly 10 times the Romanian average wage. As Lana's employer, Studio 20 also makes 4,000 euros per month from her online sessions. And at the top of the video chat money-making pyramid, LiveJasmin - the online cam site that streams Studio 20's content and is responsible for collecting payment from the credit cards of clients - takes double that: 8,000 euros. Since the dawn of streaming, the porn industry has been suffering financially. As people have started watching and uploading porn on tube sites for free, the days of big-budget porn and making a lot of money as a porn star are fading away. At the same time, though, streaming has also spawned a supplement to the porn industry that cant be replicated: camming. CONTINUED BELOW...

[the-skooma-den]

You know my original intention with the skooma den was to make it NSFW, but literally like the week I made it and was setting it all up the NSFW ban went through and I just kinda like. Gave up for a while. if I remeber right it was actually the announcement of the elsweyr dlc that dragged me back here

Part of the reason I dont post nearly as many sketches as I make is that I don't think tumblr would allow them, even if it's not inherently sexual. Like I have a full body ref ready for Sykes piercings and tattoos but because shes a lady and has nipples (and piercings on said nipples) I cant post it

And not just that but like, I do genuinely headcanon both imperial cultures (at least in the southern part of Cyrodill) and bosmeri cultures to be super chill with nudity and have headcanoned that for a while, so I do have a few sketches of bosmer and imperials just kinda...chilling out naked that I just cant post now

Even if NSFW gets unbanned, and depending on who buys tumblr it looks like it will, I probably wouldnt make this particular blog NSFW because I've noticed alot of my followers are minors and I dont wanna get rid of you guys...but also I'm a legal adult who very much enjoys that stuff

So what I'm thinking of is this, I'm gonna wait and see who buys tumblr and what happens with that, and depending on how that goes down I'm gonna make a newer sexier skooma den either here or on Twitter that I'll only give access to the people who ask and have their age in their descriptions (and arnt minors of course)

Then ,to use the Syke reference sheet as an example ,I'd leave her top bits uncensored and her actual genitalia would be censored (possibly with a adorable but suggestive picture, such as a cartoon clam or cat) and any close ups of any piercings there would be cut. Then the whole thing could be on the NSFW blog uncensored, and the same or similar deal with anything else I draw that isnt actually sexual. Of course actual sexual stuff is exclusive to the other blog

Any ideas of how you think I should do it are appreciated. Including names related to the main blogs name because literally all I can think of for that is to go the Jim Henson route and call it "the skooma den: sex and violence"

(also I swear to God if anyone says that the NSFW blog should be all access and I should "be cool" and let anyone follow it I'm going to fucking block you. I dont play like that and if you suggest anything like that I dont fucking trust you)

[cromulentbookreview]

Silky Cinnamon

OR: Muse of Nightmares by Laini Taylor!

I'm not a winner. In fact I'm what is commonly referred to as a loser. I do not win things, even when it’s an award that I actually earned. Yeah I haven’t  forgotten how I never got that German Student of the Month award even though I had the highest grades in the class and they wouldn’t give it to me because I didn’t have “the right attitude” - it’s called autism, you ableist fucks...

Uhm.

Ahem. 

Not that I’m still angry or bitter or anything.  

Anyway.

An ARC of Strange the Dreamer was the first Goodreads giveaway I ever won. For the first time I was a winner and not a loser, so eat it, high school. It was also one of the first books I reviewed here on this blog that nobody reads. It keeps me entertained, though. I absolutely loved Strange the Dreamer. It was unlike any YA fantasy that I’d ever read, and the hero? The hero is a badass librarian. Because we librarians are total badasses. It's kind of fitting that I got to read Muse of Nightmares just after getting my MLIS (Master’s in Library and Information Science for those of you much cooler than I am). Lazlo Strange is some serious librarian career goals.

Muse, like its predecessor, is beautifully written, with the occasional annoyances that comes with pretty writing: some unnecessary sentences, overwrought metaphors, directly addressing the reader - that last one is more of a personal pet peeve than legitimate criticism, I can’t stand it when writers, while writing in third person, address the reader because I’d much rather pretend like I’m not there. I don’t mind it when this is done in first person narration because, well, the narrator is telling you the story. But in third person? Don’t acknowledge me like you know I’m here. Don’t break that fourth wall! Don’t look at me, don’t look at meee!!!

Ahem. Yes, again, that’s just a personal peeve that annoys me a bit at first but if I like the story I’m reading well enough I get over it pretty quick (as in it annoys me slightly the first time, but then I forget about until I have to mine for things to complain about to fill space in a review). Plus, I must emphasize that the copy of Muse I was allowed to read is a digital galley copy, not a finished one - the text might get some more revision before its October release, so some of the nitpicky complaints I have about sentence structure might not even matter. But complaining is fun, so I’ll do it anyway. After all, my official motto for all things, including this blog, is:

A funny thing I noticed throughout Muse as well as Strange is that nothing is ever soft - it’s silk. 100% pure silk. Nobody has smooth skin, it’s skin like silk. I don’t actually own anything made of real silk (what do I look like, royalty? I’ve got a library science degree), so I can’t really testify to the softness of the material, but my cat has really soft fur so I’m just going to imagine that all the silky soft things Taylor describes feel like my cat’s fur. Lots of slips and sheets made of cat fur, here. Another thing is that Sarai’s hair is never just brown, it’s cinnamon colored. She is always described as having cinnamon hair, which makes me worry that her hair will attract ants. Or somehow be rendered into snickerdoodle cookies. Now, I may not know what real silk feels like, but I do have a year-old tin of cinnamon sticks that I bought to make hot toddies back when I had pharyngitis so bad I couldn’t swallow (not a pleasant experience. Lots of drool involved. The hot toddies did not help). So Sarai has hair that is exactly this color: 

Speaking of cinnamon, anyone know if cinnamon sticks have an expiration date? Asking for a friend who has a year-old tin of cinnamon sticks that may or may not have pharyngitis germs all over them and now kind of wants a hot toddy...

Anyway, lots of silk, lots of cinnamon. Delicious, silky cinnamon. I really want a cinnamon latte right now. I could go and get one but it’d cost like, 5 bucks... 

Where was I?

Yes. This review. Unfortunately I am not really able to be all that eloquent about things I really, really like in a non-spoilery manner. I could gush about Muse of Nightmares all the livelong day, but in the process I’d give everything away and I don’t want to do that. Personally, I love spoilers, the more the better, but I don’t want to spoil this for anyone who, like me, has been waiting very patiently since early 2017 to learn the rest of Lazlo and Sarai’s story. I will say, though: the wait is worth it, it’s amazing, most all your questions are answered, and storylines are resolved. Taylor has stated that Strange the Dreamer and Muse of Nightmares would be a duology, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for a spinoff series. Apparently, Strange and Muse are a kind-of spinoff to Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone series, which I haven’t read yet, but now that I know that it’s related to Strange and Muse, I absolutely must read it now. 

But, to avoid spoilers, what can you really say more than “oh yeah, I liked that book a lot!” After that? Crickets. 

Hence, the nitpicking.

Also, Taylor gets bonus points for being a fellow Oregonian. Oregon writers for the win! I may not be a real writer, but I am definitely from Oregon! I loves me my local writers, and Oregon has a ton, especially Portland. We seem to have a lot of amazing YA and genre writers, too. (The world misses you, Ursula K. Le Guin).

A word of advice, though: you're going to want to reread Strange before Muse comes out - mostly because Muse picks up right where strange left off. Like literally right there. Taylor includes a lot of sly “as you may already know" tidbits in case you forgot anything but it will definitely be worth doing a reread as a refresher. Plus, Strange The Dreamer is great, why wouldn’t you want to reread it? I mean, people have unlimited time to just sit around and read, right? And audiobooks, those are a thing, too, right?

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone fond of YA, YA Fantasy, or both. Or just anyone who likes fantasy, seriously, I’d recommend Strange and Muse to all my genre fans out there.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone allergic to cinnamon, silk, or both.

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,001/5

RELEASE DATE: October 2, 2018

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SPINOFF/FURTHER BOOKS: Chhogori

[marvelous-imagining]

Demons

MASTERLIST

Request: I was wondering if I could request an imagine based on the song "Demons" from imagine dragons?...basically the reader wants to get closer to Bucky, but he keeps pushing her away and all that stuff and in the end he finally let's her in :)

A/N: I was supposed to post another part for Lost Years this weekend after this one but... Christmas is too close... I don’t want to upset anyone by posting something very angsty so close to Christmas. This is very angsty too, though... You probably won’t be getting an imagine from me until after Christmas, don’t have any special imagines based on the Holidays and stuff so... Until next week, I guess! Happy holidays, everyone! I hope you enjoy reading this imagine.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Words: 4,190 (Lyrics included)

Warning: angst

When the days are cold And the cards all fold And the saints we see Are all made of gold

After having another nightmare, Bucky woke with a sheen of sweat on his body. He sat up, throwing the sheets off of him and enjoyed the breeze of cold air that came in his room through the open window. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself down.

He spent a good few minutes just sitting on his bed and focusing on his breathing. He felt himself calm down and after a while, he was ready to stand up. He ran his fingers through his messy hair and walked out of the room.

He stopped at the doorway, listening to any sounds coming from the apartment. He didn't hear anything except for the cars and some chatter from outside. Steve wasn't home yet.

Steve had taken Bucky into his apartment, knowing the brunette super soldier was much more comfortable that way. Steve still continued going to the Avengers headquarters, going on missions and all that but Bucky stayed out of the life of superheroes and villains.

He had been offered the chance to join the Avengers but he had refused. He had told them he wasn't interested in that lifestyle at least for now. After all he had been put through, he wanted to have some time away from that for a while.

Truth is, he didn't think he deserved the mantel of an Avenger.

Bucky saw it this way; To the world, Avengers were heroes that could do no wrong. All the heroes were praised for what they had done for theworld and its population. They had saved the world multiple times and Bucky had done none of that. He had been the one on the other side, the evil side.

Bucky wasn't known as Bucky Barnes, former Howling Commando and soldier of the United States of America but as the Winter Soldier. The latter name was one that always caused fear and rage within people when it was mentioned.

He heard people talking, calling him a murderer as if it was his choice to commit those awful crimes. He had never heard anyone, except for the Avengers, even think for a second and wonder whether or not he was forced to do all the things he had done. Not once had he heard anyone else refer to him as Bucky, but he was always the Winter Soldier, the corrupted friend of Captain America. He wasn't the former US soldier who had given his life in service of his country, he was the one who had caused more than enough destruction inside and outside the country.

Bucky exited his bedroom, entering the living room. He walked over to the couch and turned on the television in hopes of distracting himself. He looked at the screen showing him an urgent message about yet another victory for the Avengers, once again saving the world, protecting mankind.

He heard a knock and his head snapped to the direction of the apartment door. His brows furrowed and he lowered the volume of the TV. He heard three more knocks and stood up from the couch. He walked over to the door, gulping before placing a hand on the door knob. He looked through the peephole to see who would be coming up to the apartment so late at night.

A small gasp left his lips and his heart skipped a beat as he caught a glance of the person outside of the door. Bucky was quick to pull back and open the door.

"Y/N?" He asked, surprised to have you knock on the door.

You smiled instantly at the sight of him, losing the frown you previously had on your face.

When your dreams all fail And the ones we hail Are the worst of all And the blood's run stale

"Is something wrong?" Bucky asked, looking around the hallways you were standing in.

"No," you said, shaking your head. "Actually... Yes," you chuckled. "I-I was out with friends and I stupidly enough forgot my keys in my apartment, at least I hope I did and didn't lose them while I was out... So..." You shrugged. "I'd call the landlord but I don't want to bother him so late. I cant get into my apartment. Can I.... C-can I stay here for the night?" You asked, seeming ashamed. "I can sleep on the couch."

Bucky nodded, opening the door further and stepping aside. He motioned you to come in and you did.

"Thank you, Bucky. You're a lifesaver!" You sighed in relief, patting his shoulder before walking in further.

Bucky's jaw clenched after the word you had used to describe him. Lifesaver. He shook his head, ignoring your comment and closing the door. He turned to look at you as you hung your coat on the rack and advanced into the living room. You sat on the couch and your eyes caught a glimpse of the screen. You did a double take before staring at the screen intently.

Bucky saw you frown before changing the channel. His brow raised as he began walking over to you. He watched you turn around and rest your arm on the backrest, smiling at him.

"What was that?"

"What?" You asked, acting as if nothing had happened.

"You didn't seem happy about... the news," Bucky said quietly while nodding towards the TV.

You sighed, resting your chin on your hand. "Of course I'm happy that they succeeded, won the battle... But, people act like there's nothing wrong."

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked as he circled the couch and sat down. He scooted a bit further away from you and looked down at his hands, waiting for your answer.

You took a deep breath and muted the TV, turning to Bucky. "I believe that the Avengers are trying their hardest to protect anyone, I don't blame them for the destruction that comes with the battles... But not enough people speak about the ones who were killed during the fight, they don't talk about the destruction until a couple of days after... There's a much darker side to this that people just seem to ignore."

"It's not completely ignored."

"It is ignored by the people who idolize these heroes. I know not everyone agrees and most people see them as saints. They're not saints. Nobody is."

Bucky stayed quiet, his fingers picking on the hole in his sweatpants over his knee.

"It seems like you agree."

Bucky finally looked at you. His hand stopped moving as his gaze locked on yours. His brows furrowed and his eyes flickered between both of yours as if he was searching for answers although he already had them all.

"Everyone has a dark side, right?" He asked as if he was unsure. He was not.

"Yes, everyone," you agreed with a nod. "Even the best of us," you said quietly, smiling sadly.

"When you say 'the best of us'... who exactly are you referring to?" Bucky asked curiously.

"You."

I wanna hide the truth I wanna shelter you But with the beast inside There's nowhere we can hide

Bucky's whole body stiffened and his grip on the arm rest tightened. His knuckles turned white and his jaw clenched. His gaze was now back on his lap as he took in your answer. He wondered how you could have been so blind to all the horrible things he had done to consider him as 'one of the best'.

"You should know that's not true," he muttered a bit angrily.

"What do you mean?" You asked.

"I've done awful things."

"And I know nothing about them," you reminded him. "You refuse to talk to me."

Bucky stood up abruptly, facing away from you. He crossed his arms on his chest and tapped his foot nervously on the floor. He stared out of the window but could only find your reflection on the glass. He couldn't tear his eyes from you although he tried to.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"You can find all the information from the internet. That's where everything is. The files... They're all there. Just search for them and you'll find out everything."

"I want to hear it from you."

"Why?"

You let out a dry laugh. "Is that really what you want me to do? Go online and read about what you were made to do?"

Bucky turned to look at you over your shoulder. He saw you giving him a glare, not an angry one but the kind you gave him when you wanted answers. He turned away again, breathing heavily.

"No, I don't want you to do that."

"Then why won't you talk to me yourself?"

Bucky stayed silent, closing his eyes to focus on his erratic breathing. He tried to calm himself down, afraid that he'd blow up on you. He didn't want to do that but you were pushing his buttons. He knew this is what you wanted. You wanted to get some sort of reaction from him. He usually tried to act as emotionless and unbothered as he could but you wanted him to open up and stop hiding from you.

"Bucky," he heard your gentle voice call out. He opened his eyes and saw you standing up from the couch. He stayed still, facing away from you while you began taking slow steps towards him. "We've known each other for so long. We've been neighbors, seen each other almost every day for the past eight months. I've shared so much with you, trusted you enough to tell you so many secrets... Why won't you open up to me?"

Bucky still refused to speak up. He was still trying to steady his breathing.

"Bucky, I care about you. A whole lot," you began again, voice much firmer than a second ago. "I know you're not the man people make you out to be," you said, earning a scoff from him. "Why are you so adamant to make me believe you are with the sudden hints that you give me?"

"What if what they say is true?" He wondered, voice shaking.

"If it's the truth, why won't you give it to me straight?" You asked, voice rising.

"Because I don't want to get you involved!" Bucky finally snapped, turning towards you with anger behind his blue eyes. "I don't want to pull you into this mess, you don't deserve that!"

"Pull me in, I'm begging you! I want to help you."

"If I pull you in, tell you even a small fraction of the things I'm keeping to myself, it could put you in danger," Bucky warned lowly.

"Do I look like I care?" You asked, stepping right in front of him, looking up into his eyes. "Please, Bucky," you whispered softly, placing your hands on his cheeks. "I want to help you."

No matter what we breed We still are made of greed This is my kingdom come This is my kingdom come

"Bucky, we all have a dark side. You said it yourself. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Bucky shook his head slightly. "That doesn't apply to everyone."

"Okay, I admit my mistake... But it applies to you."

Bucky shook his head again, removing your hands from his face. He pushed your arms down, holding your wrists firmly in his grasp for a second before he walked away again, now further towards the window. He rested his hand on the wall beside him and leaned his head on the window, closing his eyes and breathing in through his nose.

"I see it's hard for you to believe that."

Bucky let out a dry chuckle, nodding his head. "You could say that."

"Why?" You asked, making him open his eyes again and look back at you. He watched you as you backed down to the couch, sitting down on the armrest and crossing your arms. "Why don't you believe that?"

"Do I even have to explain?" He asked, surprised. "After what I've done—"

"It wasn't you, Bucky. You weren't in control."

"I know," he said quite harshly, turning around to fully face you. He saw your eyes widen at the tone in his voice and he sighed. He leaned down against the wall and lowered his gaze to the floor. "I know," he said firmly but much softer. "But I did it."

You huffed, pushing yourself to stand up. You crossed your arms again, pacing along the floor, seeming to be deep in thought.

Bucky raised a brow, seeing you shooting him a quick glance. "What are you thinking about?" He asked, seeing a small smile making its way to your lips.

"You," you said with a small giggle. "And how hard you are on yourself." The smile on your face quickly washed away with sadness.

Bucky looked back down at the floor, shaking his head again. "Are you sure? You just said you don't really know much about me," he said with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Oh, now we're being playful and making jokes?" You asked, amused.

Bucky chuckled but quickly quieted down. A frown made its way to his face again and he heard you walking over to him once more.

He saw you grabbing onto his hands and he looked up, meeting your gaze. He felt your hands moving up his arms, resting on his shoulders while you kept your eyes on his.

"I wish you would accept your past," you whispered, brushing a stray strand of hair away from his face. "The only way you can get past this is to realize that you can't change what you've done. You can only move forward from here but it's your call, Bucky. The only way you can make all this pain go away, is to accept things the way they are and stop hiding."

Before he noticed it himself, your thumb was on his cheek to wipe away a tear that had escaped.

When you feel my heat Look into my eyes It's where my demons hide It's where my demons hide Don't get too close It's dark inside It's where my demons hide It's where my demons hide

Bucky wiped another tear that fell down his cheek with the back of his hand but continued to look at you. He sniffled, opening his eyes to try and find the words he was looking for.

"How do you see me as a good person?" He asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

You shrugged, lowering your hands to your sides. "I just have a feeling."

"'Just a feeling' doesn't guarantee—"

"A very strong feeling." You interrupted him, taking a step back. "The feeling is so strong that I know, you're not the person some people, and you make yourself out to be."

"This argument could go on forever," Bucky muttered.

"It sure could." You nodded, agreeing. "But I have a lot of time on my hands." You smiled.

"I'm sure you have something much better to do than waste your time on me."

"I beg to differ." Your smile widened slightly. "There's no way I could make a bigger difference than getting through to you."

"You're really not going to give up, are you?" He wondered mostly to himself.

You shook your head. "No, I'm not."

Bucky smiled but only briefly. He looked down, his hands almost twitching, begging to hold yours. Bucky hesitated but soon carefully reached out to your delicate hands. His palms wrapped around yours and to his surprise, you eased into the touch. He sighed, squeezing your hands carefully.

"I want to tell you," he admitted, voice shaking.

"Then tell me," you said gently, stepping closer. "You can tell me anything."

He shook his head. "But I can't."

"Why not?" You asked, sounding a bit impatient.

"You see me as a good person," he began, looking up at you with new tears in his eyes. "I'm sure you know your image of me is unrealistic. I'm just... scared of how you'll react if I tell you the truth."

At the curtain's call It's the last of all When the lights fade out All the sinners crawl So they dug your grave And the masquerade Will come calling out At the mess you made

"I can see that this has really taken a toll on you," you said. Your eyes narrowed. "Something happened."

Before Bucky could get the chance to speak, you opened your mouth.

"Something happened today. Why else would you crack now out of all the other times I've tried to talk to you about this?"

Bucky pondered over whether to tell you the truth or try to hide it. Looking into your caring eyes, he decided to tell you what happened.

"A nightmare," he said simply, avoiding your gaze once again.

"Nights can be terrible for those who have their inner demons to battle with," you said, pulling your hand away from his metal one only to place it around his human one. You were now holding his hand in both of yours. You lifted it up to your chest and bent your head down to meet his gaze. You smiled gently, straightening yourself. "At night it's easier to succumb to those demons. When nobody is looking, it's safe to surrender if you fear judgment from others."

Bucky didn't nod nor shake his head, he only watched you closely as you spoke.

"I know you're afraid of what other people think of you," you said, frowning. "There are people out there, who will try to make you the villain, try to convince others you are behind everything wrong with the world and pretend as if they wouldn't have done the same if they were in your position."

Again, Bucky didn't nod, didn't shake his head. He only waited for you to speak some more.

"People need someone to blame, someone to hate... But my darling, you do not deserve it. You understand that, don't you?"

And finally, Bucky answered, yet still not verbally. He nodded.

Don't wanna let you down But I am hell bound Though this is all for you Don't wanna hide the truth

"You see? You don't deserve any of this, you're finally starting to believe in..."

"You believe in me," he said, meeting your gaze again. "You're the one who believes in me and even though the thought is so bizarre to me... I'm beginning to think, maybe you have a reason for it."

You smiled, teeth showing after the words he just spoke. "I do, I swear—"

"But you need to understand I'm not a saint. I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. I'm just as bad as everyone else. If you really want to be here for me..." He sighed, looking at you with pain in his eyes. "Y/N, I don't want to hurt you."

"Why would you—"

"This is not going to be easy," he warned.

"I understand that."

Bucky hesitated again. He took a breath. Gazing down at your intertwined hands, he ran his thumb over your knuckles.

"Is this really what you want?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to hurt you," he repeated again, eyes stinging with tears. "And I might... That terrifies me."

You smiled, lifting his hand up to your lips and kissing the back of it.

"You can't argue against that, can you?"

You didn't answer, it seemed like you didn't know how to.

"Are you going to let me help you now?" You asked excitedly.

Bucky huffed. "I-I don't... I don't know."

They say it's what you make I say it's up to fate It's woven in my soul I need to let you go

"Bucky—"

"No, please listen," he begged, sounding so small and fragile.

"Okay," you said quietly, nodding.

Bucky nodded, sighing. "A part of me is... slowly easing into this. But still a huge part of me is screaming, begging me to not give in. I'm scared. I'm so scared that if you find out about everything, you'll think of me way too differently."

You sighed, frowning.

"I just need you to know I couldn't prevent any of it from happening," Bucky continued.

"I understand that. I completely understand," you assured him. "That's what I've been—"

"And... I can't be sure that it won't happen to me again."

After this comment, your eyes widened and Bucky immediately noticed that.

"I can see that scares you. It's just... That's what you might be getting into and... It scares me too."

You nodded, looking away from him. This was the first time that night it was you, who looked away. Bucky knew that comment really got you thinking and that's what he needed, for you to really think it all through.

You needed to know that getting close to him could cause problems in the future. The fear of something happening to you because of something he told you was too strong. So strong, he had thought about cutting off all connections to you. He didn't want to pull you into the mess his life was.

Your eyes, they shine so bright I wanna save that light I can't escape this now Unless you show me how

Bucky looked into your eyes and found himself at a loss for words. The look in your eyes was so different from his. He saw light in your eyes, happiness and when he looked at himself in the mirror, he only saw emptiness. He wanted that light back that he believed he had back in the day.

Without thinking about it further, he raised his hand and cupped your cheek. He noticed you jump slightly but only because he hadn't done such thing before. He had never really touched you before. He'd held your hand a couple of times but he had never touched your cheek so gently. He felt you leaning against his touch and he felt warmth in his chest. You lifted your hand to rest on his and you smiled up at him, showing him you had no problem with the contact.

He kept looking into your eyes, staring at you in awe.

God, was he lucky to have someone like you in his life but oh, was he afraid of ruining you. You were innocent, you didn't have anything to do with what he was going through. He was afraid of ripping away your happiness and hurting you in the process of helping him.

There was a light that you had in your eyes, he was afraid of making it disappear. He wanted to save it, save your innocence.

"I don't know if I can do this," he admitted.

You shook your head. "Bucky, don't push me away."

He pulled away from you, seeing the heartbroken look in your eyes. He didn't want to hurt you, he didn't want to see that look on your face ever again. He wasn't sure which outcome would lessen his chances of making you look at him with that face again. He could either let you in or let you go. He was trying to do the latter and that's exactly what caused the sadness take over your features. If he really did let you go, he imagined you'd feel more pain that he had assumed.

"I want to help you. Please, let me. Don't push me away, please," you cried, placing your hands on the collar of his shirt and tugging. Your eyes were glossy with the tears you were preventing from falling down your face. "Talk to me so I can help you."

Bucky believed you weren't trying to guilt trip him into letting him help you. He believed you were genuinely upset, given that you were trying hard not to show it to him. You just didn't want him to go through this alone.

He saw the true hurt in your eyes as he gazed into them, the light you had in your eyes wasn't as bright and it broke Bucky inside. He was so afraid of making that light disappear and it was already happening.

"I-I want t-to help—"

"Shh, don't cry," Bucky whispered, now cupping both of your cheeks.

You bit your lip, sniffling as you blinked your eyes furiously. You didn't want to cry, Bucky saw that.

"What are you going to do?" You asked. "Are you going to let me help you?"

"As much as I am scared of what's to come," he began, placing his hands on your shoulders. "I know I can't do this alone."

"Then let me help you," you said, now sounding much more confident, maybe even impatient.

"I don't know what to do," he said, voice cracking slightly. "I don't know where to start, how to start..."

"I'm going to help you," you said. "I promise."

Suddenly tears escaped Bucky's eyes again and you were quick to wrap your arms around him. Bucky didn't hesitate. He wrapped his arms around you as well as he cried silently.

"I promise," you repeated.

You had finally cracked him, he was ready to open up to you. It wasn't going to all happen in one sitting, baby steps were needed and as much as he was afraid of what was going to happen, he was glad to have you support him throughout the whole process.

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Bucky Barnes: @crownie-sr @sgt-jbb-107 @wintersoldieressiam @chaoswandas @youtubehelpsmesurvive @starkxpotts @chaoticlogics 

[namjoonbby1]

Betrayal

Pairing - Hoseok x Reader

Genre - Murder AU

Word Count - 2.5k

Part 5/?

Synopsis - When y/n’s husband is accused of murder she’s sure he’s innocent. But as detectives find clues that point to him as the perpetrator, will she stand for her husband or against him?

A/n - I took me forever to update this. But I finally graduated college and now I’m free to write so I am already working on the sixth part and ohmygosh guys it’s going to be crazy!

Preview Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

Masterlist

re·al·i·za·tion

an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact.

I woke up feeling empty. I was empty and alone. I rolled over in bed to stare at the empty space there that was usually occupied by Hoseok, my husband. The man that I had single-handedly turned over to the police, the love of my life.

I looked at the empty spot thinking about Hoseok and how he was such a kind and caring person. He was so nurturing and always took care of me. He genuinely felt remorse when he had chested on me with Mina and I believed that feeling. I believed that he wouldn't ever hurt me again. I trusted in him.

Not only as my best friend and husband but also as a person. I trusted that he was a good person who showed acts of loving kindness to not only me but those around him. Now he was going to be charged with murder. Not only did he kill Mina he killed her unborn child. I couldn't believe that I had been living with such a monster.

A noticed a tear drop onto sheets of our bed and realized that I had been crying again, an action that was I was doing far too often. It just felt like my heart was being torn open again, as if I was finding out about Hoseok's infidelity for the first time.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard the doorbell ring. Assuming it was one of the detectives stopping by with more questions I hauled myself out of bed wiping the tears off of my face and slipping on a cardigan. As I made my way downstairs I noticed a women standing in the living room. She spun around as she heard my footsteps and I realized it was Krystal.

"Krystal?" I said making my way towards her. She looked so concerned for me. But as I stepped nearer to her I realized something more was wrong. She looked almost as if she had seen a ghost.

"Y/n, oh god you look awful." She said englufing me into a hug and squeezing my arms tight as she released me.

My initial reaction was to say "of course, my husband is a cheating murderer." But instead I just gave her a weak smile.

"Hoseok called Seokjin from jail. I cant not believe this is happening." She spoke.

"Neither can I." I said sitting down on the couch with Krystal following suit. "I thought I knew him Krystal. I thought he was this sweet, caring person. How could I be so wrong about someone that I'vs known for so long?" I asked.

Krystal placed a hand on my shoulder giving me a sympathetic look. "There was no way for you to know y/n. He fooled us all and he will pay for this." She said.

"That's the horrible part about this entire situation. I know I should want my husband to receive the worst possible punishment for what he did to Seokjin's family. But I can't - I don't."

"I understand how you could feel that way y/n but you have to think about the brutal crime he committed." She replied.

"I am, or I have been. Which is why I don't regret turning him in. It's just really hard for me to come to terms with what is going on. I just feel so alone Krystal."

"I know sweetie. You aren't alone you have Seokjin and I. We will always be here for you." She spoke smiling at me softly.

Seokjin. I hadn't talked to him since what happened at his house the other day. I hadn't thought of him and how he tried to warn me about Hoseok. I didn't believe him but in the end he was right, I should have listened to him. I needed to call him, to apologize on Hoseok's behalf. But I felt too ashamed to, I felt so guilty towards him. I didn't know when I'd be able to gather up the courage to call him.

"How is... he doing..." I asked and Krystal knew immediately that I was referring to Seokjin.

"He's doing as best as he can. I think he just feels relieved that he knows who is responsible for this. He's trying to do anything he can to help the detectives out as well."

"Me too, that's why when I found out about Hoseok and Mina's continued affair. I contacted the police. God poor Mina, all she wanted to do was to end things with Hoseok and she lost her life because of it."

Krystal looked at me with confusion evident by her expression. "I'm sorry did you just say she wanted to end things with him?"

"Yes that's why he killed her." I stated also confused as I thought Krystal was aware of the entire situation.

As we were speaking, Mari entered the room carrying a tray of drinks for Krystal and I. "Y/n Mina wasn't trying to end things with Hoseok, why would she do that? She was in love with him. She told me that the last time I talked to her."

Before I could reply to Krystal I felt the sensation of cold liquid pouring into lap. I jumped up immediately trying to wipe the liquid off.

"Oh my, I'm extremely sorry Mrs. Jung." Mari said as she took a towel and tried to help me clean up the mess on myself.

"Let me change briefly Krystal." I said before turning around to go upstairs and put on some dry clothes. When I came back downstairs I found the mess had been cleaned up but no sign of Mari.

"Oh, she said she wasn't feeling well and so she went home." Krystal said referring to Mari.

"Oh. Anyways what all did you know about Hoseok and Mina's relationship?" I asked desperate to get back to the conversation we had been having before we were interrupted.

"I knew that Mina was in love with Hoseok. She was devastated when Hoseok stopped the affair after they were caught. She wanted to leave my brother, to leave him and be with Hoseok but he didn't want to. He wanted to restore his relationship with you." She stated.

"What?" I said in a dumbfounded tone. Things just kept getting more outrageous and hard for me to understand. Did Seokjin know about this?"

"Yes, I thought everyone knew."

"I had no clue." I said realizing there was so much that I didn't know about this entire situation. It seemed as if everyone knew everything except for me. Krystal and I continued our conversation until she decided it was late and that it was time to leave.  Leaving me to think about everything I had learned and try to deal with it all.

The next day I received a call from jail, it was Hoseok but I refused to answer it. I wasn't ready to speak with him, to hear his voice because I was worried it would break me. I declined the call and her the doorbell ring so I went to answer it. As soon as I did a nervous looking Krystal spoke.

"Y/n there's something you need to know."

"Krystal is everything alright?" I said stepping aside to let her into the house. I lead her into the living room and we both sat down on the couch.

"Well after we talked earlier I started to think. About everything with Hoseok and..." She spoke hesitantly as if she was afraid to continue. I waiting for her to gather her words, nervousness building up inside of me. Since she had left last night something just hadn't felt right.

"I had to lie for Seokjin. He called me the night of Mina's murder. He was hysterical, he had just lost his wife and had been questioned by the police. He told me that he told the police he was with me at the time of Mina's murder, but he really wasn't."

"Krystal, are you telling me that Seokjin lied about his alibi? Why would he do that?" I asked.

"He told me that he was actually at a really important business meeting and that he wasn't allowed to discuss it at the time, he was so nervous and upset that he told the cops he was with me. But yesterday, with how weird your maid was being I began to think. And it's all started to scare me. I trusted my brother fully but now - now I'm not so sure." She spoke.

"You need to tell me everything." I said placing my hand on her shoulder to try and calm her.

"He used to meet with her, with your maid. I've seen her at his house at least twice." She spoke fear evident in her eyes.

"My maid, what does Mari have to do with any of this?" I asked now genuinely confused.

"I saw him give her a check. When I confronted him about it he said he was giving her money to help her out with her children. It was a lot of money y/n. Why would he randomly give your maid money? I wasn't sure until yesterday when she started acting strange around us. When you went to clean yourself up after she dropped your drink, she made a call. She sounded really worried and then she just left, saying that she wasn't feeling well but I don't know. I just have a bad feeling about this." She told me.

My heart dropped at her sudden confession. My world was spinning and I couldn't believe this was happening. Seokjin lying about his alibi, paying my maid for God knows what reason. This was almost too much for me to handle.

"And then I remembered that you told me your maid was the one who told you everything about Hoseok, about his relationship with Mina and how he argued with her. It's just not adding up. I think your maid is up to something. Maybe your maid was in cahoots with Hoseok,or she had something personal against Mina.

"What, she barely even knew Mina, why would she kill her?" I asked. Krystal wasn't making any sense to me at this point. She was rambling on and now I was becoming more and more confused.

"I don't know, but I think we need to -" Krystal started and as I stood up trying process everything that she was saying I felt lightheaded and before I knew it I had hit the ground.

I woke up, in a very bright room sitting up slowly I realized I was in a hospital room. I rubbed my head slightly groaning from the headache I had probably from hitting the floor as I passed out.

"You're awake." Krystal said and I turned so that I could look at her smiling softly at her, I could tell she was worried.

"Are you alright? Do I need to get your doctor. She said you hit your head pretty hard when you feel. You seemed to be under intense emotional distress, that's why you passed out."

"I'm fine just a little tired." I replied.

"Y/n, I regret saying anything about this whole situation. I didn't want to stress you out more than you already are. I was just being paranoid."

"No, don't be sorry. I appreciate your honesty. Can you do me a favor?" I said turning around to try and get out of the bed.

"Anything." She replied.

"I need you to go with me to Mari's house. I need to talk with her. I need answers, I need to be certain that I made the right decision when I called the police.

"I - I can't." She stuttered out her face going pale.

"What? Why?"

"My brother told me that in confidence. About him lying about his alibi and about him paying your maid. I can't turn against him. I couldn't possible do that y/n."

"We aren't turning against him. We are simply getting more information about murder case that involves people very close to us." I said.

"We are not the police. We shouldn't be getting involved, we need to let them do their job. I can't lose my brother's trust he's the only person I have."

"Krystal, I turned in my husband, he is going to be charged with two counts of murder in the first degree and I put him behind bars. I have to make sure that he is actually guilty. Do you not understand that?" I said begging for her sympathy.

"I understand that, I just can't help you. I'm sorry." She said standing up to leave.

I called after her but she kept walking leaving me alone. I sat back down on the hospital bed and I was alone, alone once again. With no one to turn to. All I could think about was my husband. Since I had talked to Mari there was no doubt in my mind that Hoseok was 100% guilty for the murder of Mina and her child, but now I was unsure. Why did Seokjin lie about his alibi, why was he making deals with my maid. I needed answers. I thought for a little longer before my phone started to ring.

Looking down at my phone I felt a small wave of relief wash over me. "Namjoon?" I said as I answered the phone.

"Hi Y/n, I was calling to check on you. Are you feeling any better?"

"I'm actually in the hospital right now."

"What happened are you okay?" He asked.

"I fine, I just passed out. But Namjoon, there's something I need to tell you."

I sat in the car with Namjoon outside of a house in Mari's neighborhood. I was steadying my thoughts. Trying to think of the best thing to say when we confronted Mari. I didn't want to scare her but we need to know the truth about everything.

"Are you ready?" Namjoon said looking over at me.

"Yes I'm ready." I said unbuckling my seat belt. Just as I was going to get out my phone rung and Namjoon told me to take it and that he would wait for me outside of the car. He got out and I answered the phone.

"Miss Jung? This is a pharmacist from Lee Pharmacy. I was calling you to let you know that your prescription is ready."

"Prescription?"

"Yes your doctor called in your prenatal vitamins from earlier today." She spoke.

Prenatal vitamins? Why would my doctor call in those unless. Unless I was pregnant. I had left discharged myself from the hospital before I even had a chance to speak to the doctor. A pregnancy, something I had been wanting was to have a child with Hoseok but right now was obviously the worst possible time. My stomach churned as I hung up the phone. I took a deep breath and knew I needed to handle this situation.

"Everything alright?" Namjoon asked as I got out of the car.

"Yes everything is alright. I'm ready." I said walking around the car to follow Namjoon. We walked to the front door and rang the bell, waiting for Mari to answer. She wasn't coming to the door and I was starting to get worried. I hadn't been able to contact her since the other day and she wasn't the type to not answer my calls.

Namjoon knocked louder this time and when no one answered, he started to get suspicious as well. "Something isn't right." I said pacing back in forth. I walked over to Namjoon trying to get his attention. "We need to get into that house." I said.

"Okay. Stand back." Namjoon said as he used all of his strength to break the door down. He pulled out his gun and told me to get behind him as we slowly walked into the house. As soon as we walked in the scent hit us loud and clear and we both knew exactly what is was.

"Oh my god!" I screamed looking down at the bloody body before me.

[blood-woman]

Genesis - An Original

"You can't let her out, some crazy shit happened the last time. I barely made it out alive." The man who kidnaped me warns someone as the huge door finally creaks open. "That's absurd and no reason for her not to be treated humanely." Another male says pushing the door further. It's the first time that door has opened in the past four days. I haven't showered since I left my house six days ago and I haven't eaten since I got off the plane in Hawaii five days ago. I thought I was taking a well deserved vacation and visiting a few friends. I was walking on the beach from my rental to my friends place when they grabbed me. Obviously they didn't know who they were messing with, unfortunately soon after they stuck me with a strong sedative. They put me in this vault with only a toilet and a thin mattress thrown on the floor, I was currently huddled in a ball on, freezing and starving. So now that the door was finally open I didn't have the strength or the energy to fight my way to freedom. Gently I feel strong arms wrap around me, lifting me up and into his arms. He starts walking but the room is so dark that when we get into a brighter lite room I can't seem to open my eyes to see who is carrying me so gently against his chest. God he's so fucking warm. "You should have left her in her cell. This is bad." My kidnapper warns again and I stiffen in his arms. His body tenses against me as he turns to I assume look at the asshole. "You will go see Liam and inform him of your blunderous activities." He growls as if he's done him the atrocity that this man has done to me. I hear his footsteps echo away from us as he grumbles something under his breath and we seem to continue in the opposite direction. We walk for a while and I'm so exhausted that I don't even bother to do or say anything, I just rest against him because at least for this moment I feel safe...for now. When we finally reach where were going he sets me down on something soft, it feels like a couch as I snuggle into its warmth. Missing the warm body I was so recently pressed against. I hear him make some orders, something about food and then to what I assume is someone else about clothes and a bath. Thank the heavens, finally someone who knows what a girl needs. Unfortunately I'm shaking again, I guess it wasn't all from the cold. Must be from the shock my body is going through from lack of nutrients, or specifically food. I tuck further into myself and the couch, trying to find some semblance of escape from it. "Here." He says as something lays on top of me. I feel him sit down beside me and struggle with my overwhelming need to scoot closer to his warmth, some how I manage. "I'm have a bath drawn for you but until then I had some food brought in, nothing special just sandwiches." He says and I can peek my eyes open to see a plate sitting on the couch between us. I don't bother to look at him as I start devouring them and he chuckles softly, then gets up sending out another order I don't bother to hear because of the food I'm consuming at probably a slow rate because of how im feeling but it feels like I'm shoveling it into my mouth. I barely even recognize that it taste like ham and cheese. "Whoa, slow down. Here's some water." He offers pressing the glass into my hand. I practically chug it as he chuckles a little more, then I devour the rest of my food. He takes them from me and then comes back, throwing off the blanket making me whimper a bit at the sudden chill but he steps closer picking me up, his heat searing my skin wonderfully. "You have some injuries that need taken care of but I wont be able to tell the extent of them until your clean. So I've had the girls draw you a bath and their going to help bathe you." He tells as we walk into a smaller room if only by my own gut feeling and I hear water running. He sets me down on my feet carefully but when trying to put weight on my right ankle I end up crying out and leaning back into him. "Bring me a chair." He orders gruffly and soon after he's setting me down on one and then I feel his hands on my ankle, I whimper as he rolls it in his fingers. I peek down at him while he's not looking and see hes got a nice head of brown hair and tan skin, he seems to be a pretty big guy. He rotates my ankle again and I grimace, my eyes squeezing shut as I grip the edges of the chair underneath me. Pain not only smothers my ankle but shoots up my calf as well, causing me to gasp audibly. "Help her." He growls and then I feel his heat pass me and the door shut behind me. "Alright hun, I'm Sara and this is Audrey. We're going to help you get cleaned up but first we need to get you out of these dirty clothes so if your ready just nod and we'll get started?" She asks and I nod, if they wanted me dead or naked they could have been able to achieve either with out the niceties. So I let them strip me of my clothes, groaning as I move sore limbs and they help me hop over to the tub and climb in. It must be one of those huge tubs cause the waters up over my breasts and I'm still sitting up for the most part. The water is hot and inviting, caressing each and everyone of my sore muscles as I lean my head back against its curved edge. "Thats it, relax honey. Let us do this for you." The other one, Audrey, coos and I sigh. It would be nice to be pampered for once, I just wish it was under better circumstances. They clean me, slowly, gently and I wince when they hit a sore spot and they take note of it, making sure its not too bad before moving on. When one of them starts washing my hair I can barely contain my soft moans, even as she giggles girlishly behind me. They wash me thoroughly and then help me dry and dress in a tank and yoga pants, finally I decide to open my eyes but I barely get a look at the luxurious bathroom before my world tilts and my head spins. Quickly they sit me back down in the chair and I lean over gripping my head in my hands as they finish drying my hair. "You've been through a lot hun, you need to take it easy." Audrey says and I feel her hands on the back of my neck, massaging. "Thank you ladies." The man from before calls as I hear his foot falls get closer, his arms wrap around me and he picks me up again. "Feeling better?" He asks and I hear him take a deep breath, his body flexing against mine. "Wow you smell good." He chuckles and I smile just a little against his shoulder. Again he sets me down on something soft but this time it feels like a bed, the sheets are amazingly soft. He sits down next to me his hand touching mine, I guess so he knows he has my attention. "My doctor is here, he's going to look you over and do something about how your feeling, alright?" He asks and I nod. "I'm Evander, by the way. Eli will be your doctor." He says and moves, another body taking his place. "I'm going to set up an I.V. because your dehydrated, a vitamin push and antibiotics. Then I can tend to your wounds. If you fall asleep don't worry I'll wake you if needed. Ok, just relax." He says positioning my arm straight and pressing a needle into my skin. I take a deep breath and start to drift off, god I hope they actually have good intentions. --------------------------------- "She has been summoned, it was your duty and now I'm stuck with it because you like her." Someone growled and then heavy foot steps get closer as I tried to un-fog my brain. "She's still healing, you cant just jerk humans around like wolves they'll break." My savior from earlier defends as a foggy figure comes to stand next to me. I'm trying to clear my eyes, blinking again and again. I rub them with one hand and the mean one scoffs. "See she's awake, lets go." He grabs my wrist and yanks it, effectively hurting it. I cry out and he lets it go instantly, I pull it back to my body. Rolling back into the bed. I still have needles in my arm where does he think he's taking me. "Shit she's fragile." "Here let me see." The kind one, I think he said his name was Evander, said and reluctantly I let him pull it away from my body. His fingers inspect it as I hide my face in a pillow trying not to groan in pain. "It's not broken, I think he might have sprained it though, I'll get Eli to wrap it." He says and a moment later I feel something being wrapped around my wrist and hand. "Enough, Liam is waiting. I don't understand why you care so much for a mortal anyway, they are gone in a blink of an eye. Lets go." He growls. "I'll take her." Evander interjects quickly, the brute probably went to grab me again. "Eli can you remove her I.V." A moment later he pulls it from my arm and carefully someone helps me sit up. I use my good arm to brush my brown hair back and finally get a look around though I keep my head down, no need to start something without knowing what I'm up against and they just referred to me as human and mortal which means they are neither. The room is lush, much nicer than my house back home but then again I never did like things over the top. "Fine." The mammoth of a man growls and stomps toward the door. "I'm going to pick you up again, ok?" He asks and I nod, he leans down to wrap his arms around me but stills when his eyes catch mine. We stay like that for a long moment before he smiles handsomely. "Your eyes are a stunning shade of purple." He says in an awed whisper and I nod purposefully as he continues wrapping his arms around me and lifts me against his chest. My arms wrap around his shoulders and as much as I would like to look around I keep my face close to his shoulder as we walk through hallways made of stone and rooms filled with expensive decor. After a good while I start to hear talking and it escalates quickly, of course thats the moment he would choose to walk us in that room and then immediately stop. "I'm going to put you on your feet sweetie, but you can still lean on me if you need to." He whispers in my ear and I simply nod again and he gently sets me down next to him, my one ankle is already starting to throb again as if expecting the pressure of holding my weight. I realized on the walk that I was covered in a good bit of bandages though the pain I was feeling was considerably less now that I had been treated and rested properly. I take in the room, theres got to be at least thirty people present. At least half look like guards and another five look like personal security, there's Evander and Eli apparently tagged along, hopefully for my health not others, the brute, there's two women in formal dresses. A handful of other men in black tie dress. One of the overly dressed men seemed to be the one in charge, as he was standing in front of three kneeling men. The same three men that took me in the first place. The sight of it makes me think of a bad mob movie, leaving a bad feeling in my gut. I try to take a step back but Evander holds me firmly in place. I can hear my heartbeat start to race in my ears and as a result I start shaking again. Almost instantly a sweater is wrapped around my shoulders and I look back to find Liam backing away. His eyes catch mine and he seems surprised as I turn back to carefully watch the scene unfold. But I'm playing catch up because the head guy has one dangling off the floor by his throat and the one who wanted not to let me out of my cell is staring at me in disbelief. As if this is all my fault. He attacked me, if anything they deserve what ever fate their about to receive. I look back at the leader just as he rips out the guys throat and he drops to the ground like a rag doll, blood pooling around his body. Oh shit, he just killed that guy. I knew something bad was going to happen, wait why is he killing them? Why wasn't I paying attention? Something about wasting his time? Wait! "Please sire, there she is the sister of Lisandra. I wouldn't lie, there she is." The man pleads but the other doesn't even glance in my direction which is good because now I'm shaking like a leaf and Evander is rubbing his hand up and down my arm but it's doing nothing to comfort me. "Thats Liam, by the way." He whispers in my ear and it occurs to me that Evander knew Liam was going to be upset with the kidnaper. But I doubt Liam cares about how I was treated and more about how his life was disturbed. Why on earth he would know my sister is beyond me, shes supposed to be in some third world country being a doctor. Not in Hawaii, doing what ever these people are doing. "I have no use for her and you have wasted my time, give me one good reason to let you live." Liam's voice is all command and authority, anger and instinct. I doubt he could give any excuse worthy enough to save his life. "Once I have dealt with you, I will deal with her in much the same manner. All thanks to you." He growls and then punches through the mans chest, ripping out his heart. My good hand flies to Evander's and he tries to comfort me further but how can you comfort some one about to be murdered for practically no reason at all. He casually sliced the other ones head off and I'm breathing so hard I'm starting to see spots. My head starts to hurt which usually means I'm about to do something stupid, like pass out hopefully. At least then I wont know what hit me, I'll just be dead and thats it. No pain, no fear just peacefully slipping off in my sleep. No such luck. Instead Evander steadies me and then moves away taking my new sweater with him. Liam steps around the bloody carcasses, while cleaning his hands with a towel as if he's wiping sauce from his fingers after a messy meal. He's only taken two steps past them when his body goes ridged and his eyes fly around the room, finally settling on me. He breathes deep and then roars loudly, the word wolves rattles through my brain like a ricochet. They've got to be werewolves, nothing else would really make sense. Right? "Told you, you smelt good." Evander whispers and I carefully look to see him smiling. I turn back to see Liam pulling at his clothes and then he starts to shift. "Oh and don't run." He teases from beside me and I steel myself for the worst. Grounding my body, letting my hurt foot push out a little from my body as I draw my fear in and only show my warrior. If this wolf wanted a piece of me he was going to have to work for it. By the time he's done his clothes are shredded and he stands as a massive fully covered in hair wolf. He growls loudly as he sniffs the air in my direction and then his eyes finally meet mine and he stops, studying me for a moment before charging towards me. "Liam don't, shes only human." Evan calls, worried. "You might kill her considering all her other injuries." Eli advises. Another woman yells something I don't quite hear as his growling becomes a deafening sound. I'm watching the space between us. He needs to be close for this to work, three feet, two feet. Go, I swing with my hurt ankle out wards flipping over his body, narrowly missing the ceiling and landing gracefully on one foot behind him. I hear a couple people gasp but I'm still watching my attacker. My body throbs at the sudden flexible movement but I don't stop to let it overcome me. He skids to a halt on the smooth stone floors, I'm sure he's not too happy about that embarrassing moment. Turning back to me, snarling, showing everyone of his pretty white fangs. I limp backwards a little, playing the hurt lamb. Which I am a bit but not as much as he would like. He closes in on me, charging once more and I spin at the last moment, rolling against his side. I come out near Evander who is looking like he can barely hold in his laughter. I don't wait for him to turn again and start flipping down the hall, it's my only real option to getting away with any speed with my hurt ankle. I tuck it in to keep from landing on it. But unfortunately my get away is not fast enough, he's on me again. Nipping at my hand just when I need it most, I yank it back. Throwing myself off balance and I try to use my legs to catch me but land on my hurt ankle, I hear a distinct cracking sound as my foot rolls unnaturally out from under me. I land hard on my ass as my ankle throbs and I whimper and gasp through the pain, pressing my forehead into the cold floor. Until I hear growling above me and snap my head in his direction as he walks over me, covering my body with his. I lean back on my arms and push my fear away, if I die today it will not be because I was weak. I find his eyes and hold them even as he snarls down at me. His scent fills my nose and I have to fight the urge to breath him deeper, his eyes are icey blue, his fur deep black. My god he's huge and he's so fucking warm, I'm actually starting to sweat. None of this do I show him and his doesn't change much more than to growl at me further. "Finish it." I order in barely whisper and his eyes shift for just a moment, something unsure, something almost scared. Jaws snap forward clamping firmly around my neck, forcing me to look at the ceiling. I steel myself for it, taking shallow breaths. His fangs dig in and I gasp as one actually breaks skin. For a moment everything falls away, its just him and me, no fear, no pain. His teeth pull back and his tongue winds around my neck as blood trickles from the wound. He licks up my blood like it's a delicious treat as I let out a throaty moan through no decision of my own and the world comes rushing back. Everyone is standing to one side of the hall and they all seem shocked as if this is the most surprising thing they've seen today. Unexpectedly Liam pulls back releasing me all together, my pain rushing back as the idea that I might actually get to live takes hold. Everything hurts as I close my eyes and pull myself together quite literally, when I open them again the wolf is back sniffing seeming to be checking for something. Abruptly he back off and shifts again, standing before me as a man, all be it a very naked man. he puts out his hand and someone puts a pair of pants in it and he slips them on. His face is set in stone but his eyes as he watches me look increasingly curious. "Eli, see to her." He orders and Eli drops to his knees beside me. "What hurts dear?" He asks, slipping the sweater back around my shoulders because I'm shaking again. I give him a pained look and he smiles wearily as if he knows my answer. He goes for my ankle first and frowns deeply when he sees the angle at which its positioned. Evander kneels down beside him. "It's broken now, before it was simply fractured." He takes a brace out of his bag and sets my ankle in it as I groan. He them checks my wrist, I had forgotten it was hurt all together. I guess with the adrenaline pumping through my system it simply didn't rate high enough for me to notice at the time. "It's fractured." He grumbles. Then moves on to my ribs, running his fingers across them as carefully as he can while still doing his job. "Well you still have three cracked ribs, are you having any trouble breathing?" He asks and I shake my head. "Alright, I'm going to check your eyes. Before you had a concussion, I'm just checking to make sure it isn't any worse. You should know your eyes were grey when I checked last night." He offered and went about his business. Thats funny, my eyes haven't been grey since they changed permanently to this purple color years ago. "She did all that with three cracked ribs and on one foot, I am thorough impressed." I look up to see the brute hovering over us. "Alright you seem ok other than what I've said. We need to get you back on the I.V. though, your still dehydrated and deficient in vitamins." Eli explains and Evander gets up and walks over to Liam, who hasn't taken his eyes off me for a second. They talk quietly, to quiet for me to even glisten a little off their conversation, though I assume Evander is explaining my need for moe medical attention and trying to figure out what Liam wants to do with me. I have no idea why he didn't just kill me, he certainly had the chance. I guess I'm too pretty to kill. It wouldn't be the first time I've been left alive because of my eyes. "I'm Killick, by the way." The brute offers and I nod. "Are you really Lisandra's sister?" He asks and I look up at him but don't offer an answer. "Your Cassandra right?" He asks and i glare up at him. How dare he think I'm her?! "What did you say to her?" Evander growls coming back towards us. "I just asked if her name was Cassandra." Killick explains and I run my good hand through my hair and try to calm myself. "Come on lets get you up." Eli offers and I nod, I would rather not be on the floor where everyone is staring at me. The moment I'm up it becomes harder to breath but Eli's not looking at me even though he's holding me up. I grab his chin and turn him back towards me, he then starts to look panicked as it gets even harder to breath and he lowers me back down onto the floor. Liam is suddenly hovering over me looking worried. "Try to stay calm Allison, just follow my eyes." He says in a calm voice beckoning me to listen, black spot start to cloud my vision but I keep my eyes on him. "Stay with me." He breathes just as I start to slip, gasping for air. I try to stay awake I really do but the lack of oxygen doesn't give me many options, so I slip. -------------- "She's in your rooms, in your bed, you wont let anyone but Eli touch her without losing your shit. Yet you still claim shes not yours, if that were true you would have killed her when you had your jaws around her throat." Evander growls through my fog induced haze, I can't even open my eyes. I must be sedated, so much so that I barely feel that I'm yet again shaking. Someone puts another blanket over my side but it barely helps, actually the shaking gets more violent. So much so thats its causing my other wounds to throb. I whimper as my hands clutch the sheets and I try to will my drug induced body into cooperating. Every muscle tensing, trying to keep the pain at bay which only makes it worse but I cant stop. "Ahhh." I cry out painfully. "You need to relax, its the only way to stop the pain." Eli advises. If I could I would Eli. I want to scream at him but don't. Such a stupid thing to exacerbate my condition, me taken out by a cold breeze. Wouldn't my father be proud. "Leave us." Someone orders and I feel the bed dip behind me and then a heated body presses against my back, draping an arm over my stomach. His heat envelopes me and slowly the shaking subsides, my body aching from the effort. His head sinks into the crook of my neck, breathing deep but I don't care as long as he doesn't move. "Sleep Allison, I'll be right here." He whispers in my ear and presses a kiss to my neck. I vaguely wonder how he knows my name before falling asleep once again. ----------------------------------------------------- "She's shivering and shaking again, I quite literally cant be any closer without her permission." I say softly as Eli leans over the other side of the bed checking Allison once again. She whimpers and grips the sheets as if just holding them would keep her safe. "Not again." She whispers and is dawns on me, she must be having a bad dream. God this woman is driving me crazy, every little sound she makes has me wanting to be near her, protecting her. Not to mention that before I was close enough to kill her and she practically asked me to do it. What in gods name? Other than that she barely talks, so I know almost nothing about her besides what she's shown me. She probably hates me after what she saw me do to those men and I threatened her life. Its no wonder she tried to get away. I gently shake her shoulder, trying to wake her from her nightmare. "She's not supposed to be able to dream on this sedative." Eli informs me and I frown. There's definitely something special about this girl, I just cant think straight when she's around. So it'll have to wait until later, for now I'll just try and comfort her best I can. "Allison its not real, you need to wake up." I say trying to rouse her gently. I roll her onto her back and her eyes gently open to look up at me. She looks tired but underneath that a tear rolls down the side of her face as she rolls into me. "Thank you." She whispers and closes her eyes again as she snuggles into my chest. I slip my arm under her head and setting back down. Wow, if I wasn't confused before this would definitely put me over the top. Fuck it, I'll save the thinking for later. ------------------------- 'Knock, knock.' My head vibrates a bit as the person im snuggled against growls loudly, a warning to who ever stands on the other side of the door. I stay as I am, no reason to leave my comfort for the awkward situation after until I have to. His arms wrap around me tighter as if who ever it is means me harm. "My apologies my lord but Jensen is asking for you." The person at the door offers quietly. "Not now." He growls. "My apologies again my lord but he was very insistent, he is desperate to know what happened to Lisandra." The man says and I stiffen in his arms, his head swiveling to look down at me. "Leave." He growls, I assume at the man since his grip on me has lessen none. The door shuts and slowly I look up into his tense blue eyes. I make no move out of his embrace and he makes no move to let me go. His eyes wash over my face as if he's look for something, lingering on my lips more than once. Liam seems to be a bit at a loss for what he wants to say first. "How are you feeling?" He asks and I take personal stock, for the moment and probably because I haven't moved, I'm in no pain. I simply nod and he seems to understand. "Do you need anything?" I shake my head no, mostly because I don't want to move yet. "You've been out of it for nearly four days. You must be hungry." As if on que my stomach growls making him smile. "I have to go speak with Jenson for a moment, but I will have Eli come check on you and a spread brought in." He says in a soft voice and I simply close my eyes again and tuck back in even as he tries to de-tangle himself from me. The moment the door clicks closed I realize that I have never had to pee more in my life and reluctantly I sit up, trying to take it slow. I slip my legs off the sit of the bed and notice the luckily they have my I.V. on a normal set up that rolls. So not only can I take it to the bathroom but it will help me get there. I go to stand but quickly remember my broken ankle, I'm looking down at it when Eli walks in looking very surprise, probably at my up right state. "Hey, whoa. What are you trying to do?" He says quickly moving to my side, looking very worried. I simply wave a hand towards the bathroom and he seems to understand. "Oh um let me get one of the ladies to help you with that." He says turning towards the door. "Eli." I call and he swiftly turns back looking stunned. "Please if you could just help me to the bathroom, I could take it from there. No need for someone else to get hurt just because I have a full bladder." I say softly and he's torn for a moment before moving back to my side to help me stand. Carefully he helps me move to the bathroom, at the door he releases me looking very concerned. I turn closing the door and i use the counter to hop over to the toilet to sit down. The bathroom is huge, I thinks its actually bigger than my whole master sweet back home. I'm leaning against the counter when a knock comes from the door and it squeaks open a little. "Excuse me Miss, its Audrey. We met the other day, I was wondering if you needed any help?" She asks with out opening the door anymore, so I know I will have to prompt her. "Please." I say and she opens the door enough to look at me and I give her a small smile. She turns closing the door and then back to me. "What can I help with?" She asks seeming like shes trying to control her actions. "Relax, I'd like it if you acted as yourself." I offer and she smiles widely. "I wanted to take a shower but I don't know if I have to be careful with my wounds, can you ask Eli for me and after you help me with the shower, warm clothes would be appreciated." I say and she nods. "Thank you." She bounces out of the room and after a few moments shes back. Helping me strip my clothes and then the bandages, braces and other items holding me together. She helps me hop over to the shower and strips down to her skivvies before we step inside and she turns on the hot water. I want to swoon as it hits me, caressing my cold skin all over but I manage to keep it together as she washes me completely. She helps me sit under the streams and then goes to get my clothes. My legs are crossed at the ankles and pulled up to my chest as my arms are wrapped around them, my face lifted up so water could fall on me. I sit there for a long time like that, even after I notice Audrey is waiting for me. I stay and relax, trying to make myself believe for just a moment, that I have no problems and life isn't really this hard. Unfortunately my peace is cut short with a loud growl followed by a, "What are you doing?" It's Liam, I guess he didn't like how long i was taking. "Sire, I...I was just waiting on the lady...the lady." She says sounding panicked. I reach out my hand using the controls to shut off the water so I can listen better. "She is not to be touched." He growled as he closed in on her and she whimpered, cowering in fear. A potent thing I had no problem discerning from the other smells in the room. "Leave her alone." I command in a loud voice that bombs around the large bathroom. He stills growling but now hes looking at me. Moving towards me. Audrey drops my shirt on the counter and practically runs from the room, scared out of her pretty little mind. "You have no power to command me woman." He growls and my eyebrows raise as he turns to find her but shes long gone, I'll be surprised if I ever see her again. "Are you upset with me for showering?" I ask, his head swinging back to me looking confused on top of still trying to be angry. "No, of course not." He admits. "Then since Eli is the only other allowed to touch me, did you expect him to assist me?" I ask and he actually steps inside the shower. "No." He growls loudly. "Did you expect me to ask you?" I ask a little softer looking up at him and he looks conflicted. "Audrey was only doing as i asked since i could not do it myself, she should not be punished for that. Do you taste her fear?" I ask looking away, it would do no good to see his thoughts change because he thinks i'm judging him. I wait a moment but he says nothing, "Do you enjoy it?" Hes very still for a long moment, then huffs and storms out of the room. My head rests on my arms as I wait for the answer. I moment later i hear a soft squeal and the bathroom door opens and closes once again. Audrey breathes heavily as she moves back to the shower opening. "Wow...thank you, so much...for sticking up for me." She says exasperatedly, trying to compose herself. Which makes me smile softly. "Here, please let me help you up." She says moving to my side, wrapping a towel around me as she helps me onto my one foot and out of the shower stall. She helps me dry and dress in a Henley shirt and another pair of yoga pants and then stops, brushing my hair as I brush my teeth. Seems Liam made sure everything was prepared for me. You know for a man that claims I'm not his, I can only guess that meant his mate, hes gone through an awful lot of trouble. Look at that my eyes and apparently scent saving my ass this time. I just need to be out of here before he figures out I'm actually not. Would love to hear some feedback, drum up interest and the like. If you would like to be tagged let me know and I'll figure it out. This is the first story I will have posted outside of a challenge. THANK YOU FOR ANY SUPPORT! -Shannon Stice (Bloodwoman)

[notafeeling]

Hey sweetie how was your day

this was a joke but then i figured i had nothing else to do so now its just really long whoops

well for starters i woke up to my alarm going off at 6. despite getting heaps of sleep, i could not for the life of me drag myself out of bed. my eyes refused to stay open so i allowed myself to rest them for a little while - and then it’s somehow 7 and i need to rush to get ready for school. i waste time on tumblr a bit and warn my friends about the up and coming ICAS test later today. next i haul my semi-exhausted body into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. i re-enter my room to chuck on my sports uniform and head to the kitchen - not to eat anything, but rather stare at the fridge and check the apples that i still refuse to eat because they have white stuff on them. i remember that i had packed the last of the biscuits into a plastic ziplock bag and hidden it behind some stuff, so i take it out under the guise of “making my lunch”. i put that in my bag and put on my shoes and socks. then i waste more time on tumblr, because i simply have no life. next thing i know, i hear the door slamming shut and i have to race out of my room, only to hear my mum locking it. i use my keys to unlock the door and try not to think about her getting into her car and then i exit my house, relocking it. i trudge my way over to her, tempted to ask why she did that but not wanting to listen to her talk about how i need to get ready faster. i spend the entire drive to school in silence, making myself feel crappy because it’s what i do best. when we get there, she tells me that i’m walking home. i wave hello to the twins i see most mornings and continue my way to outside the school library. this girl calls out my name and waves, so i say hello back, and continue on my journey. once i’m there, i see Crush™, person i don’t like, and person i don’t know but was involved in... an incident yesterday. i awkwardly make conversation until finally my other friends start arriving. at 8, the library finally opens and us cold souls make our way inside whilst our other friend says that it’s not cold at all. inside, we don’t do anything until the bell rings for assembly. we go over to the sports hall. we’re forced to sit through notices but i don’t really pay attention, like usual. assembly goes through the period one bell, which sucks because i actually like my period one class (english). finally we’re allowed to go and i trudge up G Block stairs until i get to G14. i wait outside with the rest of my class until the-one-teacher-any-of-us-like arrives. he lets us in and we race to find good seats, apart form the left side of the class who are set in their formation. he hands out sheets of his thesis paragraph that we spent the whole english lesson yesterday arguing over and we being highlighting reference, appraisal and conjunction words/phrases. during this, we’re told to also highlight those things on our drafts. my friends and i who did harry potter instead of hatchet had to get some help and we realised that we forgot to mention Hogwarts at all. i get advice on my draft. some kid in my class reminds our teacher that there are no period one-two bells, so he lets us out. i resent this because we have ICAS next lesson and my friends and i stay behind as long as possible. by the time we get there, the class is already inside. i make a joke as we climb up the stairs that maybe nice-cool science teacher will continue to teach us tuesdays and that the boring-science-teacher-who-hates-us was just a dream. when we hear his voice, we are sorely disappointed. the class files into the room with separated desks and we’re immediately filled with dread. we spend the next hour or so doing our ICAS science and in the last 5 minutes, i realise i’m an absolute idiot who can’t get this done. i start panicking a little, but i move on and skim questions, putting down the answer that looks right/is oddly specific. afterwards, the kid next to me tells me that for the last ten questions he put ‘c’ because it was statistically proven to be more common. im slightly more relaxed as everyone talks about how for the final bit, they had to speed through and guess. then we have lunch, and i cant remember too much other than that Crush™ and i got kindly given money for our lunchless selves to buy food. when we come back, two of our friends are tossing an apple back and forth. i want the apple, but they admit to dropping it several times, so i stick with my honey soy chips and mandarin. by the end of lunch, the apple is dripping with juice from being flung against the ground so much. next we have pastoral care, which none of us care about. we’re noisy as we enter and are sent out. the teacher makes a big deal of this and asks us if we’re this noisy in all our classes. for some reason, some people think it’s a good idea to lie and say we’re not, which sets him off on “what? so you don’t respect me? is that it?” during this time, i keep accidentally making eyecontact with my friend who shares the same opinion of him as i do and we try not to laugh. eventually, he lets us back in and me and two of my friends don’t do anything apart from look up jobs because we found out it was perfectly legal. the lesson flies by and nobody cares because pastoral literally doesn’t teach us anything. it’s break again, and i can’t remember much about it other than that me and Crush™ take a walk around the school and up to A Block, where i see a student who was in the grade below me in primary. i ask her what she’s doing and she admits to wagging. i  tell her im disappointed and she apologises to me, her mother. (it’s a thing we have going on.) the bell rings and we force ourselves to head back to the library. we enter and do nothing, aside from talk about how my internet isnt working. our two music friends, who had a music exam for the first quarter of class, finally show up and we beg them to let us use one of their laptops as mine isnt connecting to the internet and we need it to catalogue books. tall friend gives us hers and Crush™ immediately checks her history. we no longer believe tall friend is as innocent as she claims. then people tell us that the reason why nobody’s laptops are working is because the internet is down, so we have to only catalogue the books we know. this inspires me to go after every single LGBT book i’ve read. the two music friends are back and one of them is LGBTQ+ so i spend the rest of the lesson recommending her authors that write very much gay books. it’s home time and lgbt+ friend and i walk out of the school and walk to her house. then i continue on for another twenty minutes until i get home. im exhausted but try to pay attention to my brother, until i eventually ask him to leave my room. he does and then i go back to tumblr, thus inspiring this long recount of my day.