#I BACKED AWAY FROM MY BOSS TODAY LIKE HE WAS A FUCKING VELOCIRAPTOR

[shhitskinkytime]

Just tried to blow my heater out like a candle fuck me sideways im so tired

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Cherry Coke Special: Eight

A/N: Short Chapter today. My brain is really struggling.

Bucky watched you work for a second, wading efficiently into the mess of endless receipts and papers, setting it all to rights.

“Sparky?” he asked, amused. He hadn’t known you had a nickname of any description. He had pet names for you, but he hadn’t known anyone else did. 

You smile a little, “I started working Res Care while  I was still in college. I used to work with kids. So, I also had some really nifty rainbow glitter-covered Converse... So all my kids tended to call me Sparkles. When I got my bachelor’s degree, I started here at Horizons. Hourly, running medical appointments for Clients. I still had those same shoes... and some other sparkly ones people got for me. So the nickname stuck. It’s just since been shortened to Sparky.”

Bucky snorted, “And here I thought you electrocuted yourself or something.”

“No, not since high school.” You say this blandly, without looking up from your paper and Bucky waits for you to elaborate. But you don’t, and he leans back and regards you for a second. He wants to know. He desperately wants to know. Mostly because he loves it when you tell stories. But with no explanation forthcoming, his mind runs rampant. Everything from fucking around with a light socket or a freak vibrator accident. He just. He really wants to know. 

You lean back in your chair and sigh, rubbing the back of your neck, looking over your work. You don’t immediately notice the girl bounding over to the counter. You stop and look up at her, raising an eyebrow, “Boss,” she said, “Tatum broke the dishwasher.”

You sigh, “How?” you ask, pinching the bridge of your nose for a second.

“I dunno, it just won’t start,” she answered.

“And what makes you think I can fix it?”

She shrugs, “You can fix anything.”

You haul yourself to your feet slowly and pad around the desk, stocking feet silent on the tile. “Some people’s Children,” you grouse, walking into the kitchen.

Bucky half turns to look through the lifted kitchen grate and watches you inspect the dishwasher for a second and roll your eyes before putting the door up and pushing against it firmly with your hip and pressing start.

“Hooray!” the little blonde in the kitchen yells.

“Shhh,” you prompt, “Ya doofus.”

“Thanks, boss,” Both girls chorus, going back to cleaning the kitchen.

“Yeah yeah,” you say yawning. You feel a little laggy and slow still. Like you’re running through syrup.

Sharon stuck her head out of the med room and chuckled, “Y/N, go home, mama. You need to sleep.”

“No, I need to get this done so I can sleep tomorrow,” you tell her as you drop back into your chair and tuck your feet underneath you, tucking your hands into your hoodie pocket as you look over your stacks of papers.

Bucky pulls your chair closer to his and cupped your cheek in his hand, “What do you need, baby?” he asked. 

“Nothing,” you tell him, kissing his palm, “I’m just tired.”

“You hungry? Need something to drink?” he pressed, rubbing his thumb against your cheekbone with a soft smile.

“No,” you answer with a sigh, “I just really really need to finish this. The longer I sit here, the more tired I get.”

Bucky kisses your nose and smiles, “No wonder,” he says gently, “Getting up early in the morning and going to work then coming back. What can I do?”

“I dunno,” you say, tilting your head gently to coax your neck into popping. 

“Well,” he said, “How about I get out of your hair so you can work, and then I come back to pick you up when you get done.”

“Okay,” you say, nodding, looking back towards the desk with a sigh.

“Besides,” he rumbled, petting your stomach, “After working all night, the little one will probably really like some breakfast.”

“Probably,” you snort fondly.

Bucky smiled and stole his goodnight kiss before standing up and putting on his jacket, “Text me when you’re finishing up, sweetheart, and I’ll come to get you. I don’t want you taking the train that tired.”

“I’d be okay.”

“I know you would. I’m worried about anyone stupid enough to fuck with you,” he teased.

You snort and stifle a yawn with effort as he lopes out the door. 

____________

By morning when you texted Bucky, and you were waiting outside watching the sunrise spill over the horizon, you felt okay. Tired but less laggy. Alert- ish. 

But still, when you felt someone walk up behind you, you didn’t have time to react before someone had jabbed a needle into your neck. And after that, you didn’t know anything else. 

At least not until you wake up zip-tied to a chair with a pounding headache. For a moment, it’s hard to get your eyes to focus, and all you can see is gilded paintings and garish carpet. 

“What-” you groan unable to get the rest of that sentence out.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” a voice said, sounding frankly relieved. It’s enough to make you try and pull your head upright again and turn towards the sound, “Easy, Sweetheart, I know.” It’s not a voice you recognize, but it’s nice. Motherly. “Take your time,” it said gently, “We’ve got a little time. I doubt they want us dead. If they did, they’d not have put us in a room with so much carpet.”

You snort, “That’s a comfort,” you answer, stretching your neck.

“Oh good,” she sighed, “you have a sense of humor.”

“I’m sorry, but- what the fuck?”

She chuckled; ordinarily, she didn’t approve of swearing. But under the circumstances, she could understand.

“Deep breath,” she said, “It’s just some turf war nonsense. Probably Rumlow and his guys.”

“Okay, but Rumlow runs drugs. Why does he care if Bucky’s trafficking guns and cars?”

“Because where Bucky is, Rumlow can’t be. Bucky minds his turf too well,” she answers.

“Follow up question,” you say, stretching your neck.

Shoot,” she says, watching you. Amused and thankful that you aren’t in hysterics. And that you were wearing something that hid your stomach. It was likely that Rumlow’s guys hadn’t realized you were knocked up.

“Who are you?”

And practical. She was thankful you were practical.

“I’m Winnifred, dear,” she said kindly. 

“Pleased to meet you,” you say, trying to smile around the headache. 

“Likewise,” she said, smiling a little. “Do you know how to get out of zip ties?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, “my brother made sure I knew how.”

She nods, “Start working on that and keep your arms behind your back,” she instructs gently, “We probably won’t be here long once Bucky figures out we’re missing. Where’d they grab you from anyway?”

“Outside work,” you say yawning so hard your jaw cracks, “I was running an overnight getting stuff squared away for State.”

She smiles a little, “You just don’t have any luck with the backside of that building.”

“Right?”

She snorted, “You okay? They didn’t hit you?”

“I mean they didn’t have to. They knocked me out, and I went down before I knew what was happening.”

She nods, less worried. She didn’t want to see what was going to happen if Rumlow’s guys, and she was sure it wasn’t Rumlow. Just a couple of his younger, more hot-headed goons, had actually done anything to hurt you. Or your baby. She might not necessarily agree with Bucky deciding to raise this kid with you but, she could see your appeal. A pretty face and a good mind. Good qualities in a mob wife, if she said so herself.

Your zip tie around your wrists hits the floor and you pick it up, slipping it into the pocket of your hoodie easily.

“I’m surprised you can still bend down that fast,” she said a little impressed.

“Only if I don’t think about it,” you tell her.

“Do you know what you’re having yet?” she asked, also dimly aware that she was impressed with how subtle you were getting your hands free. 

“A baby,” you answer smiling, “Which is a shame I was hoping for a velociraptor.”

She rolls her eyes, “Smart ass,” she said without any heat. She could definitely see your appeal to her son.

[crazedlunatic]

Dinos and Hoarders

“You can’t leave him home with me! I have three meetings today, a huge trial tomorrow, and arraignment in two days. No, Sarah.”

“I can’t help it. Apparently, they got rid of my assistant—nobody listens when I tell them people steal drugs until a whole freaking bottle goes missing and then they fire the guy. I’m sorry.”

“No. You literally can’t go in. I have to go to the office.”

“He can’t stay by himself, Robbie! He’s seven! If a fifty three year old cannot control a 7 year old, there is a problem.”

“I didn’t say I can’t control him. I can’t control him while doing all of the other stuff that I have to do.”

“You’re a father first!”

“And you’re not a mother first?!”

“I can’t dispense narcotics from my living room! Turn on The Land Before Time and you won’t hear a word from him! God, you’ve been so annoying. Get over the midlife crisis.”

“I’m not having a midlife crisis!”

“If it waddles and quacks like a duck it’s usually a duck, Robbie.”

“Are you pregnant because you’re acting like a bitc— Well, bye then.” Bob scoffed as the door slammed. “Love you too, dear.”

…

“Daddy, if an anthropologist studies humans and the past, does that mean humans and dinosaurs were alive at the same time?”

“I don’t think so.” Bob, who was staring at a paper and squinting, said in an offhand way.

“Because they’d eat the people, right? Charlie said not all dinosaurs eat meat, though. They’re herbitarians.”

“Vegetarian or herbivores.” Bob corrected as Blaine came into the house—without knocking, of course. Anytime he knocked before 9 at night, he’d get a ‘talk’ about it being his house too and that talk just lasted too long.

“I find it hilarious that you made me leave the office to come and help you watch Miles.”

Bob mouthed help me.

“What’s the difference in an herbivore and a vegetarian?” Miles asked after running and hugging Blaine’s leg.

“Humans are vegetarians and herbivores are animals… I think?” Blaine looked confused, scooping Miles up. “I’m sorry you’re sick.”

“But humans are animals too, Blaine!” Miles said energetically. “And I’m not sick! I just have a fever and my head hurts and my tummy and my nose.”

“Uh, yeah, Blaine. He’s not sick.” Bob said and gave Blaine a look—a look of desperation. “Babies are so much easier. Can we trade? Two for one so you’re really saving in the long run.”

“Yeah until they’re 7 and you sell them back?” Blaine laughed.

“Miles will be 14 so I can handle him then.”

“Where’s Kurt?” Miles asked, eyes lighting up.

“Kurt’s Daddy can’t get him out of work and I think Kurt actually likes bossing people around more than he’ll admit.” Blaine booped his nose.

Miles giggled and then turned to face his Bob. “Daddy, Jake said you wanted to have poop thrown at you. Daddy, have you seen a monkey?”

“At least you can get away from the monkeys.” Bob said and then blinked. “Yes, I have seen monkeys. For someone who is sick, you sure do ask a lot of questions.”

“Grandma says I get it from you. She told me you never shut up when you were little and Mommy told me you never shut up now.” Miles rambled as Blaine put his own laptop on their coffee table with the hand that wasn’t holding Miles—since the twins had been born, he did tons of things at once. It was parent multitasking superpowers or something.

Blaine looked surprised at hearing Miles’ statement, seeing as Bob could be talkative but could also go ten minutes without saying anything to someone sitting right next to him.

Then again, nobody made him light up like Sarah so he shouldn’t have been surprised.

And Bob did talk more the longer they’d known each other. It was actually reassuring to hear Bob rushing so many conversations each day but having to literally walk out of Bob’s office sometimes so they could actually work and not talk about… well, everything.

It didn’t happen all the time, of course.

But still.

He wondered what living with Bob and Sarah as parents was like—parents that liked each other, that fought with each other but always made up by bedtime, parents that spent time together willingly, that were affectionate together. Because the only time Blaine’s parents were together was when they needed to look proper in public or when they needed to look like a good family to people that thought they knew the real Andersons.

His parents never argued. Unless it was a family dinner, they usually didn’t even talk.

And they definitely didn’t like each other.

Sometimes Blaine wondered if they ever had.

From what Alex had said, he hadn’t seen them act like a happy couple either.

So… were he and Alex just for show? Accessories to add to the façade?

“Daddy, what’s this one?” Miles pulled himself up on the couch, seating himself between Blaine and Bob.

“Ankylosaurus.” Bob said, barely even having to look at the picture.

“Daddy, it’s Cera from The Land Before Time! Her name is like Mommy’s!” Miles moved his legs up and down excitedly. “Were there dinosaurs in Lion King?”

“I don’t think so.” Bob, who was looking at some paperwork, didn’t look up.

“What’s this one?”

“Two names. Apatosaurus or Brontosaurus.” Bob said after glancing at the page.

“This one?”

“Diplodocus.”

“Daddy, you know everything.” Miles gasped.

“See? Bob knows all.” Blaine gasped too, grinning when Bob sent him a look. “What?”

“Your children will actually think I know all.” Bob sighed.

“But you do.” Blaine scrunched up his nose.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“Obviously I’m interning again because you’re teaching me about dinosaurs.” Blaine smiled sweetly as Bob glared at him.

“What’s this one?!” Miles asked dramatically, shaking Bob’s arm.

Bob took the book, pointing to pictures as he said, “T Rex, velociraptor, allosaurus, Spinosaurus, deinonychus, carnotaurus, stegosaurus, ankylosaurus, iguanodon, and parasaurolophus.”

Miles clapped his hands and then turned the page. “What about these?”

Bob bent until his head was rested on his knees.

Miles, cute as ever, bent down and patted the back of Bob’s head. “Daddy, it’s okay. I won’t let the dementors get you.”

“The what?!” Bob sat up quickly.

“I dunno. Charlie told me ‘bout them when we watched Harry Potter and they’re sad and mean. But I won’t let them get you ‘cause Daddy should be happy!” Miles forced his way onto Bob’s lap and pressed a loud kiss to his cheek.

“God. I hate that you’re so cute.” Bob wrapped his arms around Miles and kissed the top of his head, prompting loud giggles. He then noticed Blaine actually on his laptop. “Wait… how can you work with him doing this?”

“Uhm, well… I lived with Wes and David for several years. We all three had to learn to block things out. It drives Kurt crazy because he’ll have had a full conversation with me before realizing I didn’t hear a word.” Blaine looked thoughtful. “Although you two are very distracting… Wait. You’ve got five kids. You can ignore everyone in the office with them thinking you’re listening. How can you not ignore your own children?”

“I try but what if I miss something important?” Bob said. “Trust me. I used to ignore them but then Charlie had said something bad and I was like ‘uh huh, that’s great’ and it led to this complete meltdown.”

“What did you say was great?”

“He dropped his grilled cheese but he was so sad and I’ve not been able to tune out a word since.”

“Uh… how old was he?” Blaine asked.

“Four but I still felt horrible.” Bob said as Miles tugged at his arm. “What, son?”

“Brady’s got a boyfriend. Isn’t that silly?”

“Miles… he’s been with the same boy since you were a baby.”

“Is Mommy mad at you?”

“No. Mommy’s just moody.”

“Mommy told Charlie you’re a dick.”

“See? Telling the truth is always a good thing because now I have ammo to make her feel bad. I love having the upper hand.” Bob said cheerfully.

Miles looked at Bob confused, blinking rapidly. He then looked at Blaine.

“I dunno.” Blaine shrugged. “I don’t understand him half of the time either. It may be a midlife crisis.”

“I am not having a midlife crisis! Blaine!” Bob exclaimed. “Miles, I’m going to put on the Land Before Time because Blaine and I have to work.”

“Jurassic Park!”

“No. You cry every time the Dilophosaurus does it’s… thing. Last time Daddy got in trouble.”

“JURRASIC PARKKKK!”

“No.”

Miles pouted and left the living room.

“Should you go get him?”

“Nah. It’ll be fine.” Bob said before there was a loud clang. He then got up and headed towards the kitchen muttering, “Fuck me.”

“Whoops.” Miles said in a meek little voice.

Bob turned back around, carrying Miles into the living room.

“Aren’t you going to clean that up, Daddy?” Miles asked.

“No. This is what I like to call positive reinforcement. She’ll never make me stay home with you again.” Bob sat Miles down between he and Blaine.

“You got in biiiig trouble last time.”

Bob shrugged, turning on the Land Before Time.

Blaine pulled his laptop back onto his lap, looking down. He then reached his hand over, rubbing Miles’ little back when he started to cough.

“I’m going to go clean that. If she is pregnant, she may murder the entire family.” Bob said, mostly to himself, before leaving the room.

“Do you think she is?” Blaine called.

“God, I hope not. I haven’t seen cherry tomatoes yet but you can never be too cautious. Once I had to put a woman in jail who was pregnant and beheaded her husband. Honestly, he kind of deserved it, but… Sarah has a mean side.”

“I want to hear that story.” Blaine said. “The murder one… Sarah would have to have a mean side to put up with you.”

“I take offense to that, Blaine.”

He glanced down, seeing Miles had curled up to him and fallen asleep.

“You really don’t. Like… I’ve seen horrible photos but man. That was pure rage.” Bob came back in. His eyes then widened. “How’d you do that?!”

“Do what?” Blaine looked at him, very confused.

“He’s out.”

“Isn’t he sick?”

“Yes, but he’s a hyper sick person. How did you make him go to sleep?”

“Uhm… he coughed and I… rubbed his back? Then he just cuddled up?”

Bob came and bent, easing Miles up.

Blaine laughed when Miles mumbled something about purple elephants.

“It’s Emily 2.0 with a penis. I swear.” Bob whispered before leaving the room with Miles.

Blaine looked at his laptop, not really paying attention to it, until Bob sat next to him again.

“Well, you can work now.” Blaine said cheerfully.

“Yep… but now I don’t want to.” Bob sighed.

“Great. Me neither.” Blaine shut his laptop.

Bob closed his own and put his stack of papers on the coffee table. “Hoarders?”

“Yes! You’re the only person that will watch it with me!” Blaine said. “Everyone else judges me.”

“Judgement free zone.” Bob said, turning it on. “I’ve watched this with my dad since it first aired on TLC in 2010.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I hadn’t seen it in a while when you’d gotten your appendix out and forgot how much I liked it.” Bob nodded.

“Do you not want to watch it?” Blaine asked hesitantly.

Bob gave him a look and pushed the start button, turning the volume up a bit.

Blaine scooted closer, resting his head on Bob’s shoulder.

“I have a feeling this one is going to make me want to puke.” Bob said when they showed a clip of a future scene.

“That means it’s going to be a good episode.” Blaine nodded in agreement.

“Yep. I judge hoarders on a wanting-to-vomit scale. Only one has made me throw up a bit in my mouth… In my defense, I was getting over a stomach bug, though. Wasn’t out wisest decision.” Bob said.

“Yeah. I’m going to need to see that episode, Bob.”

“We’ll check Netflix after this one.”

“Yeah!” Blaine said excitedly.

“Did I tell you that Brady’s boyfriend—partner, sorry— is going to propose this summer?” Bob asked excitedly. “I mean, I know it’s just his first partner but he’s been really good for Brady and I like him a lot.”

“You said yes?”

“I believe my exact words are ‘are you sure you want to do that?’” Bob admitted. “I said yes after, though. They’re a good couple and Brady’s happy so that’s all that matters.”

“You’re such a good dad.” Blaine sat up straight, looking at him.

Bob shrugged a bit.

“No.” Blaine shook his head. “You are. You care about your kids so much and all you want for them is to be happy. That’s just… you’re a really good dad and a good person… and you’re probably one of the few people who doesn’t see that. I’m grateful to have you in my life… because you aren’t even mine, you know… but you also are and it means a lot. You mean a lot to me and I appreciate you.”

Bob opened his mouth to respond as Miles hopped back onto the couch announcing, “I’m uuuuupppp! Ew-y, Daddy. Is that trash?”

“That is called Hoarders, Miles.” Bob turned the TV off and pulled Miles onto his lap, meeting Blaine’s eyes with his own. He then stood. “I think it’s time for some more medicine. Grape or strawberry?”

“Surprise me!” Miles squealed as Bob stood and sat Miles next to Blaine.

Miles cuddled right up to Blaine’s side, giggling when Bob came back in with his medicine.

“You just love Blaine, don’t you?” Bob laughed at Miles, handing him the little cup.

Blaine looked surprised when Miles took the medicine—Scarlett and Oliver had definitely never done that.

They were younger, but still.

He looked surprised again when Bob reached over, ruffling Miles’ hair and then his own.

“So… Jurassic Park?” Bob asked.

Miles shot up, the most adorable grin ever on his face, when Bob went to put the DVD in. “THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!”