#Human x Romulan romance

[deepspacedukat]

Misfit Toys - Part 3

Alright! Here's the conclusion! I hope you all enjoyed reading this little fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! 💖 There are a few unintended side things that happen in this chapter, but I hope y'all will enjoy it anyway!! By that I mean whoops I accidentally created yet another OC.

Part 1 here. Part 2 here.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Tokath (ST:TNG) x Reader

[A/N: This is smut adjacent, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Interspecies romance, Human/Romulan romance, implied interspecies sex, implied Human/Romulan sex, mutual pining, they're idiots who think it's unrequited, it's VERY requited, flirting, some almost kisses, getting lokblocked, literally everyone can tell they're in love except them, they are the last people to find out about each other's feelings.

~*~

I hadn't needed Tokath's crutch in nearly a month, but it had earned a place of honor. Resting lovingly on a bookshelf in my bedroom, it served as a reminder of the progress I'd made...and of the fact that I now had somewhere that I belonged.

After all this time, it still felt strange to know that I had a home this amazing. The reaction to the news that I'd decided to stay instead of boarding the transport and leaving the Carraya system had been so joyful on the part of my new friends that I'd been moved to tears. None of them had been irritated that I'd chosen to remain with them.

Ta'lana even clapped a hand on my shoulder and grinned as she offered me a permanent position helping her concoct her salves. I accepted, of course. How could I not? Her companionship was so easy and natural that I'd have been a fool to refuse. Not to mention I owed her and Tokath my life for healing me after the crash.

Speaking of Tokath, as soon as he gave me permission to stay, I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my chest. There was no longer a lingering feeling of guilt and selfishness resonating through me every time I stole a glance at him. Oh sure, I was still on the verge of berating myself for behaving like a schoolgirl with a crush, but I'd realized that since I was now a permanent resident in this settlement, I had every right to live however I chose. If I wanted to bask in the warmth of the Romulan Commander's smiles, then that was exactly what I'd do.

I was afforded that opportunity quite often. More often than not, we managed to sneak in a little time together in the mornings before the day truly got started. Even if it was just enough time for us to share a cup of tea and breakfast, Tokath and I always seemed to gravitate toward each other.

There were still plenty of mornings where we woke up in each other's arms on the sofa in his study, and those were admittedly my favorites. He was nearly always awake before I was, but he never moved to get up first. The lingering caresses left on my skin before the break of dawn made me wish that I was a more courageous person. More than once I came incredibly close to blurting out my feelings for him in those slow, gentle morning hours. It was a wonder that he hadn't yet noticed.

There was definitely a slight shift in our relationship when I begged him to allow me to stay, though I couldn't define what it was. Our interactions were just as they were before but the burden on his shoulders seemed...lighter, somehow, despite the addition of a new member of the community. Maybe he just liked having a friend with a new perspective to discuss...

If only he knew how much that new friend wanted to kiss him when the morning sunlight poured in through the study window and glittered in his eyes. Resting atop his sturdy chest, half-dazed and half-witted from having just woken up, the temptation was almost overwhelming most mornings. Instead, I would simply nuzzle farther into his chest or the crook of his neck and breathe in his scent until I was certain I could trust myself to look into his eyes again.

One of those mornings, the rain cascaded down, splattering against the windows and creating a soothing rhythm against the roof. I was loathe to get up, and Tokath seemed even less inclined to do so, until a knock sounded at the door.

With matching pair of begrudging sounds, the two of us sat up, and Tokath called for whoever it was to come in. Belatedly, I realized how bedraggled we must look. M'Ven took a single step inside, saw our mussed hair and state of dress, and blushed as he delivered his message.

"My apologies for the intrusion, sir, but I thought you might like to know that your daughter's shuttle has just entered sensor range. She should be here within the hour." Almost as soon as he'd finished speaking, M'Ven tossed me a friendly wink and left us to our own devices.

A joyful smile spread across the Commander's lips as he turned to me.

"You and Ba'el would get along so well! Would you like to come with me to greet her?" He looked so hopeful. How could I possibly refuse? Without a single thought, I reached up and brushed a few errant strands of hair behind his ear. When his hand covered mine against the side of his face, I realized how close we still were to each other.

Oh, the urge to kiss him was back stronger than ever!

"I wouldn't want to intrude on your time with her–"

"Hush, e'lev. You could never intrude," he said, "and if you're not uncomfortable with the notion, I'd love for you to be there."

Tokath's hand kept mine firmly in place while I took a deep breath.

"I'd be honored." If I thought his smiles had been beautiful before, I'd clearly never seen him this utterly filled with joy. Tugging me into a crushing hug, the Commander let out a relieved breath. Did he really think I'd refuse?

After having bathed and changed into clean clothes, we arrived at a clearing in the woods that Tokath called the 'landing strip' just in time to see his daughter's shuttle touch down. The rain had stopped just a few minutes before, giving way to a thick, murky fog. Almost as soon as the shuttle's engines cut off, he was striding toward the door of the small craft.

This must've been something of a routine for them, because the young woman practically threw herself into his arms, sending the pair into a fit of giggles. I hung back just a bit to give them space. Despite Tokath's earlier protests, I was determined not to intrude on their reunion.

"You should've told me you were coming! I'd have prepared a welcome party," he said, and at her protests, I turned my attention to Ba'el's ship, trying to give them some semblance of privacy. The vessel seemed to be Klingon in design, so I assumed she'd acquired it or borrowed it while on the homeworld that she'd gone to explore - Tokath told me all about the incident with a Starfleet officer and the minor revolt that led to some of the younger members of the colony striking out on their own. More power to them. It took a lot to leave the only place you'd ever known in search of entirely new places.

"Oh, hi!" Ba'el's cheerful voice sounded, and I turned my head to meet her smile with one of my own. I gave a little wave as the pair walked over.

"Ah, this is our newest resident," Tokath said introducing me. Rather than a more subdued greeting as I'd expected, Ba'el glanced between her father and myself, then wrapped me in a tight hug. I'd expected apprehension or maybe something a bit more confrontational, but, really, that was silly. She was Tokath's daughter, and he was one of the kindest people I'd ever met. It only stood to reason that his daughter would be at least partially similar in temperament.

"This place is so secluded! How in the stars did you end up here?" She asked as she pulled back and grasped my shoulders.

"Well, it's a long story–"

"One that even I have not yet managed to coax from her," Tokath cut in as he wrapped an arm around my waist and smiled playfully down at me.

"–but it's not a terribly interesting one. I boarded the wrong transport at the wrong time, that's all," I finished with a shrug, ducking my head to escape the warmth of his gaze before I combusted completely.

"Oh, the 'wrong time' was it? And here I thought you liked it here, e'lev." He was teasing me, I knew he was, but I still didn't want him to have the wrong impression.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I love living here! This place is the best thing that ever happened to me. I-I just–" Tokath's gentle, rolling laughter engulfed me just as his arms did, cutting off my rambling protests.

"Do you really think I don't know how you feel about that by now?" When I simply buried my face in his tunic and made a noncommittal sound, he gave me a nice, big squeeze. "Come on. Let's all get back to the compound before we freeze in this dreary weather."

--

Dinner that night was a joyful affair. Stepped up from the usual fare into something more celebratory, the whole colony was ecstatic to welcome back one of their own, even if it was only for a short time. Though she was only planning on staying for a couple of weeks, Ba'el's presence brought a sparkle into the hall. Her lightheartedness and genuine wonder about the things she'd seen in her travels brought smiles to everyone's faces - including a rather pointed attentiveness from Centurion M'Ven that I noticed.

Eventually, the meal drew to a close, but before Tokath could protest, his daughter looped her arm around mine and stole me away into the quiet evening air. Stopping at the same little pond where her father had first told me of the transport, Ba'el tugged me down next to her on the bench to sit with her. We were both silent for a few moments, watching the water ripple in the bond as a slight breeze caressed its surface. When she spoke, her voice was so soft that it almost slipped away amidst the trees' rustling leaves.

"When I was little, my parents used to bring me here every day. I'd run around and play, and they'd sit here together on this bench. On the days when I didn't need others for the silly games I played, they kept their own company. Sometimes they talked, sometimes my father would read her a book, and sometimes, if the atmosphere was right, they'd end up roaring with laughter over some joke they'd shared," she murmured. A nostalgic little smile stretched her lips, and a far away sort of look settled itself firmly onto her face. "When I got older, they trusted me to come here alone, and I took to exploring the gardens. I knew every rock and tree - they were my friends, as silly as that sounds. I miss this place more than any other when I'm off exploring the galaxy."

I listened carefully, and a wave of gratitude washed through me for the glimpse she was giving me into both her past and her father's. It must've taken a lot for her to share something so personal with me.

"The last time I was home, M'Ven saw me come here. He followed me one night...gave me a bouquet of his own hybrid flowers - he tends them religiously, so you couldn't have missed them," she said, and with a conspiratorial lean in, she continued. "He's asked me to be his mate."

I wasn't exactly surprised. The glowing smiles he gave her at dinner and his near constant blushing sort of gave it away.

"Does your father know?"

"Not yet, no. I'm going to tell him in a couple of days, though, I promise. M'Ven was the first born here. I think his mother was in the early stages of pregnancy before the battle and just didn't know it yet," Ba'el explained. "He's not officially a Centurion, of course. He wears the uniform, and he was trained by the officers here, but the Romulan government doesn't know anything about him."

She paused for a moment, allowing the weight of her words wash over me.

"We agreed that this year when I came home, if I still felt the same for him, he'd come with me on my next trip. It'll be a little more risky traveling together, but we'll manage. After that, when we come home next year, we're going to stay and build a life together," she said letting out a giggle that was so infectious that I couldn't help but join her. "So what about you? I assume that you and Papa are going to stop dancing around each other sometime this decade...?"

"I-I don't know what you mean." Stammering certainly didn't help my case, but the laugh that left her throat told me that she wouldn't have believed me even if I'd sounded perfectly confident. "Ba'el, I...I do love your father, but I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable–"

"What are you talking about? I haven't seen him this happy in years! Last year I was so worried about him that I stayed for a month instead of my usual couple of weeks. He practically had to kick me out." She gripped my forearms gently and looked into my eyes. "I'm happy for you. When one of you finally works up the courage to talk about your feelings, I'll be the first person to celebrate. You're good for him, and, from what I can see, he's good for you."

Relief, palpable and potent, rushed through me, and I hugged Ba'el to hide the tears that had gathered in my eyes. We sat by the pond, talking and joking until the unmistakable sound of footsteps met our ears. We both turned in time to see M'Ven rounding one of the larger trees with a bouquet in hand. He caught sight of us and froze - he'd clearly been coming to meet Ba'el, but my presence startled him, the poor lad.

Ba'el beckoned him over, and the bob of his Adam's apple in his throat as he swallowed betrayed the confident air he'd clearly been trying to exude.

"Calm down, she knows. I told her," Ba'el said as I smiled and got to my feet.

"I also know when it's my cue to leave." Giving poor, startled M'Ven a wink, I started to walk away and give them some privacy. Before I got out of earshot, though, I turned back and called his name. "I think it goes without saying that you'd better be good to her."

Resolve straightened his back and lifted his chin.

"I will, lhhei, you have my word." With that promise obtained, I left them to their own devices, and, though I'd intended to go to my room and sleep, my feet carried me to Tokath's study seemingly of their own volition.

The door was already open, revealing the man in question sitting at his desk and staring into a cup of tea as if it held the answers to life itself. I wanted so badly to kiss the little furrow between his eyebrows and the lines on either side of his mouth...

As if my gaze had called out to him, his eyes lifted from the depths of his tea and caught me hovering in the doorway. His features melted seamlessly from from surprised to relieved to elated in barely a flash.

"Ah, so I haven't been abandoned for the evening, then," he teased as I closed the door behind me. Tokath leaned back in his chair, and I noticed for that there was a second cup of tea sitting on the desk.

"As if I could stay away from you, Commander." Walking over to his desk, I leaned against the polished surface and glanced at his bookshelves for the thousandth time. I knew very well which titles sat on the shelves - even the Klingon ones - but I needed somewhere to look other than at his gorgeous face. "Forgive me for being late. Ba'el and I were talking."

"So that's where you were! I turned to speak with L'Kor for barely a moment after dinner, but when I turned back, my two favorite ladies were nowhere to be found," he said placing a hand over his heart and pouting as if he was deeply wounded. "I thought for a moment you'd been stolen away. I noticed that M'Ven disappeared after a while, as well. I couldn't help but wonder..."

As he trailed off, I felt a brief surge of hope. L'Kor's words and Ba'el's floated into my brain. Maybe they were right. Maybe I did have a chance, after all.

"M'Ven is kind, and he is a friend of mine, but I wouldn't give up your company for his." With my reassurance putting his mind at ease, Tokath grasped my hands and smiled up at me.

"Forgive me, e'lev, I shouldn't be this greedy with you."

Freeing one of my hands, I rested it lightly on his chest.

"There's nothing to forgive. You can be as greedy with me as you want, Tokath," I murmured, and just like that I found myself lost in his gaze. There was a softness in his features when he looked at me, a vulnerability that made me want to wrap him in my arms and never let go. It went through my mind that I could tell him. I could kiss him there, right then, while that gentle trance had us so firmly in its grip, but I couldn't seem to make my mouth move.

"The tea...I'm sorry, it's probably cold by now." His voice was so rough when he spoke that he sounded as though there was gravel in his throat. I could hardly blame him, though. When I spoke, I sounded just as destroyed.

"It's okay. How many evenings have we talked so long that we forgot we even had tea to begin with?" He let out a quiet laugh at my question, and we fell into our usual rhythm of conversation. Before we drifted off together, though, I promised myself that before his daughter left with her own lover, I'd tell Tokath how I felt. If shy, reserved, dutiful M'Ven could ask the woman he loved to be with him, I could tell Tokath how much I adored him.

--

"She matches this little community of misfits well, doesn't she?" The rough voice of his co-leader sounded from just behind Tokath's right shoulder. L'Kor was observing the group of small children on the other side of the courtyard that were listening intently to a story that the Human woman was telling them. "The children like her, their parents trust her...she has even befriended Ta'lana. It's as if she's been here all her life."

"She did say that she felt more at home here than anywhere else," Tokath mused as he watched one of the youngest - a brave Klingon girl of no more than three - climb onto her lap. He couldn't stop himself from smiling at the ease with which she handled life in the colony.

The Klingon leader hummed quietly and they watched as the children begged her to show them a Human game.

"You see it now, do you not, old friend?" L'Kor asked as he and Tokath watched her explain how to play game. She said that it was one that children of her species played called 'hide and seek.' As soon as she turned her back on the giggling group of little ones, they promptly scurried away as she began to count.

"I don't know what you mean," Tokath murmured, but the aged Klingon let out a rough, disbelieving laugh.

"Yes, you do. Whether you wish to admit it or not, you look at that kyamo Human woman, and you feel young again," he rasped as a tiny Romulan boy sped past their feet. "You cannot hide it from me, Tokath. I know you too well. Since she crashed into our lives, you have become more like your old self. You should tell her how you feel."

The Commander shook his head quickly as she turned back toward the courtyard.

"Ready or not, here I come," she called, and a few poorly-suppressed giggles echoed from various not-so-clandestine spots.

"I couldn't. She chose to stay here in this isolated place without a single other member of her species being present. She believed that I alone had the power to banish her. She begged me to stay. I will not jeopardize her newfound happiness by making her feel trapped by an old man's unwelcome attentions," Tokath protested to his old friend.

"'Trapped'? 'Unwanted'? Commander, she seeks out your attention on a daily basis," L'Kor stated as he looked at his friend incredulously. "Have you not noticed how differently she behaves around you than everyone else here? Can you not see the light in her eyes when you give her a reason to smile? My friend, if such a woman looked at me with as much love as that Human lady looks at you, I would have made my interest known long ago."

That made Tokath pause. There had been moments where he believed - where he hoped - that he saw something beyond simple gratitude and friendship in her eyes, but he'd dismissed it, believing that those moments were a product of his own wishful thinking. Even a few nights ago when she still came to him after speaking with Ba'el for so long, there was a charged moment when he felt as thought might have a chance.

He did love her. She was a ray of light in a world that had grown gray and stagnant. He'd sacrificed so much over the years - his home, his career...he'd given everything to ensure that the families of the Klingons living here would not be dishonored. He'd even been forced to surrender his wife to the ravages of time. Did he not deserve to have a moment's pleasure of his own? Did he not have the right to cling to this bright spot and bask in her presence now that he'd found her?

Tokath relished how easily she made him smile...how effortlessly she made him laugh. Her quick wit and warmth had brought so much color to his life. He'd narrowly managed to avoid losing her to the transport, but only just. Had she not come to him and pleaded for a place in the Carraya colony, she would be lightyears from him by now. How long would it be before someone else here - someone younger and more willing to be forthright about their feelings - caught her eye?

He thought he'd revealed too much when he made that offhanded comment about M'Ven, but neither of them had been brave enough to make a move afterward. He cursed his cowardice yet again. He should've kissed her that night.

Taking a deep breath, Tokath nodded his head and mentally acknowledged how fortunate he'd been thus far. He might not be for much longer if he didn't gather his courage. Would his daughter approve now that she'd had a chance to meet her?

A few feet away, she found a Klingon child hiding behind a set of supply crates, and when she looked up Tokath's eyes met hers. His lips stretched into a warm smile reflexively, and she gave him a little wave as she went to look for more of hiding children.

Oh, Elements, he couldn't deny it any longer.

"You've made your point, L'Kor."

"And what are you going to do now that you see your situation more clearly?" Tokath bristled slightly as he turned to look at his friend. "Oh, come now. You cannot tell me that you have not given any thought to the possibilities. Surely, you've at least imagined what you might say if you were to tell her how you feel?"

He had, but most of those daydreams ended in him dejectedly acknowledging that she would likely never be able to return his affections.

Tokath's expression must've said it all, because L'Kor sighed heavily.

"Oh, my friend, do you truly think so little of yourself that you cannot even imagine a happy ending? Take it from me: it was far more difficult for my wife to give me a chance than it will be for that lovely girl to give you one," he said before patting the Commander's shoulder and ambling off.

Perhaps L'Kor was right. Maybe he simply needed to allow himself to consider the possibility that she might react favorably to the fondness, no, love - that was the emotion and he should call it by its name - that he'd developed for her.

A joyful squeal from one of the little ones drew his attention, and he saw his lady being hugged so enthusiastically by the children that she was practically drowning in their affections. She sank to the ground, surrendering good-naturedly to their embraces with a giggle. Tokath couldn't suppress his laughter at the sight of her trying to hug as many of the children in return as her arms could accommodate.

Her eyes found him through the clamor of the group, and his heart thudded alarmingly. Oh, the things she did to him!

One of the children whispered something in her ear, and when she nodded her head, the little girl broke away from the group and ran up to Tokath, looking up at him with big, hopeful eyes as she spoke.

"Mister Tokath, sir? Will you come play with us?" She asked as the rest of the children and his Human watched their interaction.

How could he say no to such a polite request?

--

Later that evening as he walked to his quarters to get ready for dinner, Tokath thought to himself that the afternoon spent playing with the children along with the woman he loved was one of the most enjoyable days he'd had in quite some time. The joy of simply being with her was enough to make him feel like the luckiest Romulan alive.

"When are you going to marry her, Papa?" Ba'el appeared at his side smiling up at his as she looped her arm with his. Had he truly been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard her approach?

"Marry? What are you talking about?" He asked as innocently as he could, but all that earned him was a scoff from his daughter.

"Oh, please. The entire colony knows how you feel about your newest resident," she said, and his cheeks heated up as she continued. "So when are you going to ask her?"

"Ba'el, I...I don't even know if she'll have me–"

"Are we talking about the same woman? When you joined her and the children today, she looked at you like you hung the stars in the sky," his daughter said. "You haven't been this happy since..."

She didn't have to finish her sentence. He knew what she meant. They both know the significance.

Pulling her to a stop in the hallway, Tokath grasped his daughter's shoulders lightly and looked into her eyes.

"Could you handle that? Could you live with the knowledge that you have a stepmother who is neither Klingon nor Romulan?" Ba'el's opinion of her was important to him - it was the only one that mattered outside of his own on this. He didn't want her to feel as though he was actively attempting to replace her mother. Gi'ral had been unique and he would never wish to disrespect her memory.

But he also didn't wish to be alone for the rest of his life. He adored this Human lady, and he...well, he would dearly love to be her mate.

"Father, I want you to live. I've been worried about you for the last few years, but now...seeing you this happy...I'm so relieved that you've found someone who makes you feel like yourself again. How could I ever object to you finding love?"

Overcome with emotion, Tokath pulled his daughter into a tight hug, nearly sobbing in relief.

"I...have some news, too...about M'Ven and I." She sounded nervous, but in truth, she had no reason to be. Pulling back slightly, Tokath looked at his daughter.

"Ba'el, if you believe that I know nothing of your affections for him or his for you, then you have clearly forgotten that I used to be young, too," he said looking into her eyes. "I wish the both of you every happiness, and if he hurts you, you tell me how much he screams when you tear his head off. And I know you're imminently capable, but if you need help, I'm here for you."

His daughter was right. He needed this. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

--

Tokath's daughter had been on the colony for nearly a week and a half when it happened. I stopped by his quarters to pass along a message from Ta'lana before dinner, but when I reached his doorway, I froze. He was standing in front of a full-length mirror, in his full uniform, tugging it gently in various directions presumably to straighten it. The poses he struck might have looked silly to anyone else, but to me, the imposing figure he made when he puffed up his chest and gave a harsh glare to his reflection made me bite my lip.

Realizing how long I'd been standing there, I knocked on the doorframe and acted as though I'd only just arrived when he turned his head.

"Just the woman I wanted to see," he exclaimed as he turned to face me. "I dug out one of my older uniforms and thought I'd wear it to dinner tonight. What do you think?"

He puffed out his chest once more as I stepped into the room, looking very much like the proud Commanding officer that he was.

"Very handsome...commanding..." I paused when I was right in front of him, itching to touch any part of him that I could. "...Perhaps a little rigid, though."

His smile fell a bit.

"Rigid?"

"Only a little," I answered, and he raised a curious eyebrow.

"How would you fix this...rigidity?" He asked, and I walked a slow circle around him before reaching up to finger the front of the ghastly leather collar at the top of his uniform.

"Does this part come off separately?" Tokath swallowed slightly before letting out a quiet confirmation. "May I?"

The Commander caught both my hands carefully in his and slid them around to the back of his neck where the collar's clasps lay.

"Do what you will with me." His voice had lowered, both in volume and in pitch to something husky...something that made me want to remove more than just this hideous strip of leather. After a moment's pause, I managed to unfasten the clasps and pull the collar away from his throat.

My next movement proved that I wasn't thinking. Once I'd tossed away the unnecessary accessory, I skimmed my fingertips over his neck, savoring the feeling of his pulse thrumming beneath my touch. Tokath's hands grasping my waist made me aware of what I'd done, pulling me out of whatever trance I'd been in and forcing my eyes to meet his.

Anything I'd been preparing to say was obliterated by the hunger in his eyes. Was I imagining it? I could simply have been seeing my own emotions reflected back at me.

Then he took a slow step toward me, and I stopped thinking about anything but how badly I wanted to kiss him. I took a breath and leaned in–

Only to be startled by a call of his name from the hallway. We both took a hasty step back and averted our eyes as Ta'lana appeared in his doorway.

"There you are. I tried to catch up with you, but it turns out you didn't need to deliver your message. I found the extra crates from our last shipment, after all," she said, then she turned her attention to Tokath. "My apologies for the disturbance, Commander. I hope this hasn't been too much of an inconvenience."

Tokath caught my hand and gave me a little wink.

"No, not at all," he said catching my eye. "I always welcome your company, lhhei."

A long, charged pause stretched between us, and my cheeks heated up under his gaze, but finally Ta'lana called my name.

"Come, come. We've taken enough of the Commander's time," she called, and I started toward the doorway.

"See you at dinner," I called over my shoulder, hoping neither of them could hear how unsteady I sounded. His response barely registered as Ta'lana closed the door behind us.

"I'm looking forward to it, e'lev."

--

The atmosphere in the dining hall that evening was different. It felt as though everyone was waiting for something to happen. They seemed nervous, yet...excited? How odd. When Tokath arrived, he took a seat beside me as usual and caught my hand in his. Before I could ask what he was doing, he'd tucked a flower securely in my hair just above my ear. The delicate petals tickled a bit, but I didn't dare risk dislodging it after he'd placed it there so carefully.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing, but the words just wouldn't come out. He seemed to understand my dilemma, though, because he brushed the back of his knuckles down the the side of my face and swallowed heavily.

The heat that suffused my cheeks when we were alone in his quarters earlier made a spectacularly rapid return, even as dinner was served.

Conversation was hushed, but weighty that night from all sides. People were happy for M'Ven and Ba'el - news had already made its way through the colony like wildfire, sparking surprised exclamations and boastful assertions that people had seen it coming years ago.

But there was something else, as well. Given how peoples' eyes kept straying up to the head table where Tokath and I sat, I guessed that people were wondering how he was taking the news. It wouldn't be unreasonable to assume that he'd be emotional about his daughter finally choosing a partner. If that was the case, though, why were so many gazes landing on me? Was it the flower? I supposed that I couldn't blame them. After all, I'd been surprised, too.

The Commander offered me his arm when the meal ended and I took it without hesitation, allowing him to lead me out into the gardens. This particular route was one we'd never taken before, and we only stopped when we reached a footpath leading into the forest.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he guided me down it expertly, pushing small branches aside and helping me over a fallen log.

"A secret place I found years ago. As far as I'm aware, nobody else even knows it exists," he said with a wink. After a few more minutes, we reached a curtain of vines. Thinking we'd reached a dead end, I looked around in confusion, but Tokath walked me right up to it with his arm wrapped comfortably around my waist. I looked up at him, and he winked as he parted the vine stems.

Moonlight sparkled and gleamed as it bounced off the surface of a placid lake. A swarm of glowing insects slightly larger than Earth fireflies swirled and played above the water, reminding me of a flock of birds.

"Oh, Tokath, this is beautiful," I murmured. I was almost afraid of speaking too loudly, lest I disrupt the peace that permeated this little place. The branches of the trees surrounding the lake's edge seemed to almost wrap around the clearing like gentle, protective arms.

"I thought you might like this place. I've been waiting for the right moment to share it with you," he whispered against the shell of my ear as his hands rested on my shoulders. Gently, so carefully, he grasped my chin and turned my head toward the left shore. A few feet from the water's edge was a blanket with plush pillows, fluffy towels, and a lantern resting atop it.

That was it. Afraid or not, I was going to kiss Tokath tonight, no matter what. I turned in his grasp only to find the lantern's warm, yellowish glow caressing the adoring smile that stretched his lips.

"Thank you for trusting me with this," I said resting my hands on his chest. It was now or never. Lifting my hand to cup his cheek like I had in his room, I looked into his eyes. "You've been uncharacteristically quiet tonight. Is everything alright?"

That damned smile got wider and he let out a quiet laugh.

"Oh, yes, lhhei. Forgive me," he said drawing me into a hug. "I'm afraid I've been lost in thought."

"Oh? And what has occupied your mind so thoroughly?" I punctuated the question with a quick kiss above his fluttering pulse. The Commander's breath caught in his throat, and I realized that maybe I hadn't imagined the hunger I'd seen in him earlier after all.

His grip on me tightened and he hummed at the question.

"You have, dear lady," he muttered, his voice low and rough. That tone had caused me so much frustration since the first time I heard it. I must've let out a gasp or some other surprised sound, because he nodded his head against my scalp. "Yes, you have been a very prominent element of my thoughts since the day you arrived here, but, lately, I find myself contemplating something that...truthfully, I have no right to even consider."

Feeling his proximity even more than usual, I looked up at him curiously. He didn't relinquish his grip on me one iota, but that suited me just fine. I never wanted to stop touching him.

"Maybe talking about it would help ease your mind? Usually confiding in someone close to me helps when there's something bothering me," I suggested, hoping that he didn't notice how shaky my voice had become.

"I will, but only if you don't mind being the one who listens to me ramble. You see, you're the only one who can help me with this particular problem, but I promise I won't ask you if you're not willing." His voice was low and heavy as he spoke, carrying the same weight I'd noticed more and more lately.

"I'll do anything I can to help, Tokath. You know that," I said offering him a reassuring smile.

"You see, I've been asking myself several very specific questions...ones to which I do not have the answers. If the answers are too personal or if you do not wish to engage in that conversation, you need only tell me, and I will drop the topic. Everything can return to the way it was before. I have no desire to make you feel trapped or to change how you see me."

After his little speech, I felt certain that I knew where this might be going, and anticipation flooded through me. Butterflies beat their wings unceasingly in my abdomen.

"Questions could never change the way I look at you." He shook his head at my assertion.

"These might," he breathed as he averted his gaze. "I haven't spent much time around Humans, as you may have guessed, so I...don't exactly know how someone in your culture might approach something of this nature."

I nodded my head in encouragement as his thumbs began to rub slow circles where they rested on my waist.

"I...You see, I wish to...to..." He trailed off and took a deep breath. "When...Well, with Klingons, the men write poetry, the women throw things at each other. It's rather straightforward. Romulans are more varied in their approaches, and...I suppose what I want to ask is is this: How do I...? I mean, what would you expect of...of a...?"

Tokath let out a frustrated huff and shut his eyes. A blush so vibrant that I could see it in the lantern light darkened his cheeks and spread all the way to the tips of his ears.

"Oh, fvadt, I'll never say it at this rate. What I'm trying to tell you is that you are beautiful and kind and the part of myself I never thought I'd find," he said sounding much more resolute. "I doubt this is the way a Human would go about it - much less subtlety to it even though you deserve subtlety and romance - but I need you to know that I love you. That I...would like to be your mate. Hell, I don't even know if Humans call their bound partners 'mates' as we do, but that's neither here nor there. I'd, of course, be happy to call us anything that you wish if–"

A surge of courage tore through me, and I cut off the rest of what he was going to say with a kiss. My lips met Tokath's, and he tensed up for a moment before relaxing into it and kissing me back. One of his hands came up and cupped the back of my head, holding me as close to him as was physically possible.

"I love you, too," I blurted as soon as we separated for air. He looked as dazed as I felt, but he still managed to lift me into his arms and carry me to the blanket as his mouth met mine again.

We didn't make it back to the compound until the next morning. With our hands clasped and rather obvious marks marring the skin of our necks, it was obvious to anyone who looked our way that we were both finally whole.

~*~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes @emilie786 @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

[ensign-smith]

hello! i have star trek brain rot and would like to find some discord rps

about me: 30yr, she/her, PST timezone. i've rp'ed all my life but i fell away from it for the past 8 years. recently discovered chat bots which are a fun intersection of my hobby of rping and my career in data science. however i figure i should probably also keep talking to humans as well, it's good for the soul or whatever. and also my writing skills. lol

style: lazy lit, i mirror my partner, but i average about 2-5 paragraphs. i'll rp all sorts of characters. im queer/poly friendly. i will double. happy with R-rated plots and content but i'm unlikely to get explicit.

prefs: must be 21+. romance is not required in my RPs. just looking for friendly people who i can really nerd out about star trek with!

Starred is who I'm craving to play!

✨Ensign Vorik✨ x OC (nb x F)

Tuvok x OC/Canon (M x any)

Ex-Borg OC x OC (F//)

Betazoid/Vulcan OC x OC/Canon (F x any)

✨Lore Soong✨ x Romulan OC (M x any)

Bonus: Steven Universe/Star Trek cross-over! Let's make up our own canon!!! (F//)

Bonus: something else??? I love playing playing both canon and original characters!

I have watched these series (at least enough to RP them): TNG, VOY, DS9, LWD, PIC

if any of the following characters pique your interest, reach out here or ringingbellz@Discord!!!

[annikasevenshots]

Star Trek Picard: S2E1 Rewatch Reaction (spoilers!)

Only thing in my head is Star Trek: Retirement Home. let's go senior citizens!

Laris you are everything. You are girlboss. You are. The world. ♥️

Laris is just so soft. I love her.

Romance slightly more palatable this time round just wish they didn't have picard fall in love with a lookalike first

RAFFI SITTING ON THE STAGE NEXT TO PICARD SO TRUE

RAFFI WINK RAFFI WINK

ELNOR BABY ELNOR BABYYYYYYY YES ELNOR FIRST ROMULAN SO PROUD OF YOU MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Raffi's little nod at "look up" SHE IS SO PRETTY

TRANSITION TO BEAT UP LA SIRENA SO TRUE

SEVEN HI!!!!!!!! HER LIL FACE!

Seven with a wrench so true

Seven's eye roll?????????? I LOVE HER

EMMET

SEVEN TACKLE SEVEN TACKLE SEVEN TACKLE SEVEN T

actually dead

SMILEY SEVEN SMILEY SEVEN HAPPY SMILEY SEVEN BABY SMILEY SEVEN

Seven's "No" at Emmet?? She is baby

"Developmentally appropriate relationship skills" and yet she's still the perfect match for Raffi <3 feral cat x golden retriever energy

Oh soji you are everything <3

oh agnes (fond headshake)

LET SOJI BREAK INTO DIPLOMATIC SONGS YOU COWARDS

hahahaha drunk agnes waltzing into the bridge

STARGAZER PAN SO TRUE 😍

HAHAHAHA PICARD TALKING ABOUT UPDATING THE KOBAYASHI MARU AND THEN HIM DOING IT IN THE COMICS

Elnor baby!! Elnor's music!!!!!

Raffi being protective of Elnor now that I know the context? Lowkey soulcrushing. God raffi you're killing me with how human you are

Raffi's little wink AGAIN YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE

BABY SMILEY SEVEN SHOWING BIG BROTHER RIOS THE SHIP SHE SCUFFED UP

seven is so punk rock and so baby about it at the same time i love her. baby punk. baby smiley cheerful baby

"What are you doing here?" RIOS AND SEVEN BEING SIBLING ENERGY THEY'RE SO BABY

"My ship" "correction: MY ship" THEY 🥺♥️

why the fUCK DID WE WRITE RIOS OUT THIS HURTS MEEEEEEEE I NEED SEVEN RIOS INTERACTION

Lieutenant Sing's hair! Pretty!!!

Listen i know the show is called star trek picard but "help us, picard" is laying it on a little thick with the main character energy

Kind of zoned out during Picard and Guinan's scene but LOL everyone telling Picard to go to therapy. lowkey laying it thick innit. Raffi's lowkey right though this season really has been Picard ripping through the fabric of time and space to heal his inner hurt. ever heard of a psych eval y'all?

Laris ❤️‍🩹

SEVEN!!! SMILEY BABY SEVEN!!!!!!!!! SWAGGERY SEVEN!!!!

God i forgot how smiley Seven was in the first episode. fenris seven was HAPPY SEND. TWEET.

Fenris Seven was HAPPY FENRIS SEVEN WAS HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY. FENRIS. SEVEN. a whole BABY.

Seven's voice getting deeper when talking about the borg? and how people distrust her still? oh seven 🥺❤️‍🩹

i just. seven of fricking NINE

jeri ryan's acting ages like fine wine 🤌🤌🤌

Seven and Rios 🤝 on being careful? i actually love them both so much they can do no wrong

Seven and Rios are such an underrated duo i love. them 🥺

HAHAHA Seven taking her baby phaser from her belt. having seen her lug a CHONK MACHINE GUN this is so funnyyyyyy

LMAO JURATI JUDGING THE QUEEN'S ATTIRE BABYGIRL YOU CAME UP WITH THIS

"we require... POWER" IS SUCH A BASED LINE UNTIL YOU REALISE THE QUEEN LITERALLY JUST NEEDS BATTERIES LMAO

Ngl though this Borg Queen's costume is BASED. hell this season's costumes are AMAZING. i LOVE the embossed wiring on the fabric. love love love. shiny shiny love shiny

PICARD ZERO ZERO ZERO DESTRUCT ZERO??????????????? THIS HAS EVE POLASTRI 1-2-3-4 ENERGY LMFAO

AYYYYYYYY CONFED!VERSE!!!!!! love me some evil twin worlds mmmmmm

Picard SHOUTING for Laris?? Hehehehe

BONJOUR Q

costumes are based. they're leng. they're peng. whatever the kids are calling it these days

In conclusion I watched this instead of Rings of Power. Seven of Nine you are my actual sunshine. Spinoff when???

[serceleste]

star trek: tos season 1

I’ve been rewatching Star Trek: The Original Series instead of starting anything new (of course) and I have some thoughts about season 1! I love this show. Here are some random things I love.

1. Kirk and Spock wordlessly communicating. They’re in love, okay.

2. In ‘The Naked Time’, everything is falling apart, the bridge is in chaos, Kirk loses his temper, Uhura loses her temper. Then Uhura takes a breath, and she is immediately back in ultra professional mode, damn whatever she’s actually thinking and feeling. And Kirk immediately apologizes. It’s amazing.

3. I appreciate random shirtless Kirk. And that time Sulu was randomly shirtless and attacking people with a sword. (The look on the two dudes’ faces when he is brandishing his sword at them in the corridor is PRICELESS.)

4. The unicorn dog. Fave.

5. Spock playing the ka’athyra, and then Uhura sings with him, and she’s totally good-naturedly poking fun at him the whole time, and Spock accepts it with such good humor and he has no feelings my ass.

6. Obviously Kirk’s shirt tearing all the damn time, sometimes with no plausible reason. My favorite is when McCoy just rips the shoulder open to jab him with a hypo on the bridge.

7. There’s some pretty nice work done in the pilot establishing that Kirk and Mitchell have a long history and a deep friendship, and that makes what happens in the episode so much more tragic. I also love Spock’s easy acceptance of Kirk wanting the record to state that Mitchell (and Dehner) died in the line of duty.

8. Uhura competently taking over other positions on the bridge at a word from Kirk. The implication that all members of the bridge crew/senior staff have their specialties but learned all necessary functions in case of emergency is really nice. (I’ve noticed Sulu taking over navigation sometimes, too, and Scotty’s taken the helm at least once, and Kirk himself operates various positions.)

9. One of my favorite things about Star Trek is its optimism, and also the enduring sense of hopefulness and compassion it and the characters embody. In ‘Charlie X’, even after all the shit he did to them, you can see that they are nevertheless moved by Charlie’s genuine terror and Kirk tries to come up with a different solution that will help him. Or in ‘The Corbomite Maneuver’, after the alien has threatened to destroy them, and he puts out the distress call, Kirk’s response is still to help.

10. Kirk is in love with the Enterprise and the show doesn’t even try to be coy about it, it just comes right out and says so. Multiple times. <3

11. It’s clearly a product of its time and some things are... not great, but I love that it tries, and it honestly wants to portray a future where everyone is treated the same and things like race and gender don’t matter, even if it isn’t quite there in the execution of it. (Yeoman Rand in particular gets some wince-worthy moments in the first season, unfortunately.)

12. Evil!Kirk wears eyeliner, because of course he does. LMAO.

13. The green shirt! I love Kirk’s green shirt. (Actually I love the TOS uniforms in general. Best Trek uniforms, fight me.)

14. McCoy and Spock making fun of each other. <3

15. The number of times Scotty tells Kirk he needs hours/days to fix/accomplish something and Kirk is like ‘you have ten minutes’ and Scotty is just like ‘...fuck, okay’.

16. In ‘What Are Little Girls Made Of?’ Kirk sabotages his android by thinking negatively about Spock because THAT’S the thing he knows will make it clear something’s wrong. OMG. And then Spock makes fun of him for using an unsophisticated insult. Hearteyes.

17. Every time Spock calls Kirk Jim. Also, every time Kirk calls McCoy Bones.

18. Their food is hilarious, it always just looks like little colorful blocks. And their idea of futuristic fashion is completely ridiculous and also the best. 

19. Kirk is so charming, but it’s so genuine, which is I think why it’s so devastating. When he’s looking at people, and smiling at them, you know he really genuinely gives a shit, and actually cares about them, and tbh I think I’d do anything he asked if he looked at me like that, lol. 

20. McCoy is a gift. He’s so grumpy! And he calls everyone out on their shit, especially Kirk, and he’d never say so but he cares so goddamn much.

21. I just ship Kirk/Spock so fucking hard, OMG. Every time they interact I’m just like YESSSSSS THEY’RE FUCKING IN LOVE DAMN.

22. “Fascinating.” <33333 Oh! And the eyebrow raise! Especially when he does it at Kirk. Or McCoy.

23. Kirk’s absolute faith in Spock at the beginning of ‘The Menagerie’. It’s a bit heartbreaking, considering. And the moment you can see Spock choose Pike over Kirk, at the end of Part 1, stabs me right in the heart. And when Kirk agrees that Spock is guilty during the “trial”. (Also I love that they found a way to use the rejected pilot and turn it into what’s really a compelling pair of episodes.)

24. ‘Balance of Terror’ is so good. It’s just a battle of wills between Kirk and the Romulan commander, with how difficult the pressure of command can be for Kirk, and that look into racism with the navigator who distrusts Spock.

25. McCoy and Spock having a battle of wills over Spock needing/not needing medical attention and raising their eyebrows at each other. Love. I understand the Spock/McCoy shipping. (Speaking of, in ‘Operation Annihilate’ when McCoy doesn’t want Kirk to tell Spock he said he was the best first officer in the fleet but Spock overhears and says thank you, McCoy’s face, lmao.)

26. When they find Kirk’s brother dead in ‘Operation Annihilate’ Spock actually attempts to offer comfort!!! Also Kirk holds Spock a couple of times in that ep, it’s great.

27. Every time Spock gets offended because they’ve accused him of having a human emotion or reaction. <3333

28. I think ‘City on the Edge of Forever’ works not just because it’s a truly compelling question of not holding one life, no matter how dear, over the lives of millions, but because Edith herself is genuinely lovely. You can see the tragedy in the death of a woman like her, and the soft romance between her and Kirk is beautiful.

29. And even in the midst of what’s easily one of the strongest (if not the strongest) of Kirk’s relationships on the show, you get Edith saying that she can see that where Spock belongs is by Kirk’s side. My heart.

30. The Gorn. Come on. Iconic.

31. As compassionate as Kirk is I also love the moments that remind you that part of the reason he’s such a good captain is that he’s ruthless when he needs to be. He will make the hard decisions firmly and surely and he won’t let his crew know if he’s internally struggling with them.

32. Kirk’s fighting style!! He’s just throwing himself at people and hitting them with his ass and clinging onto their backs and I LOVE IT.

33. In 'Court Martial’, I think Kirk’s lawyer ex might wear a female dress uniform for the only time ever on the show (certainly the only time in the first season). All the times when the dudes are wearing them, the women are all still wearing their regular duty uniforms. It’s sort of hilarious to me that the men’s look so fancy but hers is just a slightly different collar and a longer skirt, lol.

34. When Spock mindmelds with the Horta in ‘Devil in the Dark’! It’s so sad, and I think that’s the first time we really get a look into what it means for Spock to meld, to share so deeply with another being. 

35. I’m into how Kirk looks in that old-fashioned suit in ‘The Return of the Archons’ but definitely nothing beats him and Spock in short tunics and tights in ‘Errand of Mercy’. Plus Spock gets a half-cape!

36. ‘The Conscience of the King’, responsible for so much woobie Kirk backstory, even in AOS fic where it’s not even canon, lol.

37. McCoy strolling out with those women at the end of ‘Shore Leave’, all “well I am on shore leave”, lmao.

38. Of course McCoy’s iconic declarations of ‘I’m a doctor, not a ‘insert occupation here’. 

39. The computer programmed to seductively purr at Kirk is hilarious.

40. The origin of the redshirt. Classic. 

[writingsfromstarfleet]

I really love your stories. I have a request, if you're ok to write it: Star Trek Picard: Narek x half romulan/human reader, they are both in prison, like cellmate and the reader never meet any Romulans or even know their culture and always live with her human family. You can add sexual tension or romance, but it's ok if you don't. Feel free to not take my request. you're amazing anyway.

posted!:)x

[ao3feed-mythology]

It's Hard Being Alone Pt. 1

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2HRm6kQ

by SweetWriter18

You are a Human Research Sent to a desolate planet after an incident with the higher-ups. For Six Months. You are alone in this desolate world until a ship crashes lands and You realize it's hard being alone.

(Alien X Human)

*Note Hate writing summaries.

Words: 355, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Love

Fandoms: Star Trek, Marvel, Dragon Age, DC Comics, Original Work, Fairy Tales & Related Fandoms, Darksiders (Video Games), Vampyre - Fandom, Castlevania (Cartoon), Fantasy - Fandom, World of Warcraft, Bright (2017)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Original Characters, Death (Darksiders), War (Darksiders), Strife (Darksiders), Fury (Darksiders), Romulan Characters (Star Trek), Elf | Elves, Orcs - Character

Relationships: Original Human/ Original Character, Original Vulcan Character(s)/Original Character(s), Original Human Character(s)/Original Romulan Character(s), Human/Orc, Female Human(s)/Male Night Elf | Elves/Male Worgen (Warcraft)

Additional Tags: Eventual Romance, Fluff and Smut, Sex, Pregnancy, Consensual Kink, Body Worship, Rough Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Caring, Racism, alien - Freeform, Human, Marvel - Freeform, dc, Darksiders - Freeform, Star Trek - Freeform, human/monster, Scars, Orcs, Elves, Drows, Monsters

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2HRm6kQ

[deepspacedukat]

Misfit Toys - Part 2

I know it’s taken me a while to get part 2 out, but I haven’t forgotten this story, I promise! Have some more Tokath! 💖 There’s only one part left after this!

Part 1 here.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Tokath (ST:TNG) x Reader

[A/N: Another chapter, now with more fluff! And angst! And emotions!]

Warnings: Discussions of previous injuries but nothing graphic, a dash of survivor’s guilt, mutual pining, angst, emotions, interspecies romance, Human/Romulan romance, they both think it’s unrequited love but it’s very requited.

~*~

After three weeks of using the crutch that Tokath had made me, I’d almost completely healed. I’d relied on it heavily in the beginning, along with help from the man himself, but as time wore on, I regained most of my strength.

The way the rest of the residents of the settlement had treated me when I first hobbled out into the courtyard was nothing short of warm and inviting. Most stopped what they were doing to watch as Tokath escorted me out into the afternoon sun. To be entirely honest, I’d expected them to look at me as some sort of an oddity, but to my surprise there were wide smiles on most of their faces. Several Romulan officers even gave me polite nods.

Some of the younger people who were grouped together near a small garden rushed over and introduced themselves, offering to give me the grand tour when I was well enough. Tokath had smiled widely as he watched me interacting with them. Was I mistaken or was there a hint of pride in his expression?

The days in which I felt stronger were never filled with quite the same things. Sometimes, the children would lure me out to the garden under the pretense of seeing new growth amongst the plants, intending truly to beg stories from me. What could I do but indulge their curiosity? They didn’t ask too many questions about the crash, but they were all very curious about my homeworld.

“Are there monsters on Earth?”

“Is it true that all you eat are nuts and berries?”

“Do Human children play with toys?”

They were all so curious. I couldn’t blame them, really. The Klingons knew a little about our culture, but the Romulans...all their knowledge of our culture came from their government’s propaganda. Needless to say, I had to do a bit of damage control, especially when it came to myths about several of our beliefs.

More often than not on those days, I’d find Tokath listening in from a nearby doorway. I found myself sitting up a little straighter every time I spotted him languidly reclining against one of the stone walls or a wooden door frame. He always had an encouraging smile for me.

On the days where I wasn’t feeling quite as energetic, he always welcomed me into his study for a relaxing conversation. Literature, art, the mysteries of the universe, differences in our cultures - nothing was off the table when we got talking. Most of the time when we engaged in these long, private discussion days, we’d only emerge from his study for meals, and often we talked so late into the night that we’d fall asleep together on the plush sofa adjacent to his desk.

The first time I’d awakened to find myself curled up in his arms, it had taken me an extended, sleepy moment to process where I was and who I was using as a pillow. The scent of his cologne and the large, gentle hands resting on my hip and slowly rubbing my back had told me everything I needed to know, and I almost drowned in the apologies that came pouring from my lips. Tokath had just hushed me softly and held me closer. I’d been so surprised that he wasn’t angry that all I could manage to do was submit to his encouragement and hide my face against his chest.

In truth, I discovered that I slept best during those nights where we curled up together on the sofa and talked ourselves to sleep. The amount of comfort that Tokath gave me was astounding, yet he didn’t even know how much he was helping just by being there. Once or twice, he’d addressed my unspoken fears and uncertainties without even knowing it - the guilt of being the only survivor of the crash and my fear of becoming a burden were the most prominent among those feelings.

Tokath had been so patient with his encouragement, even going so far as to promise that I’d be back to my old self and ready to travel home sooner than I could imagine.

And yet...over the time I’d spent on this odd planet, I couldn’t fathom being anywhere else. I knew he was trying to help just as he had been ever since the crash, but just the thought of being on another planet without the rambunctious Klingons and sly Romulans - one without Tokath - made me wish my recovery was progressing more slowly so that I wouldn’t have to leave.

I had no doubt that if I asked, Tokath would politely tell me that this place was not for me. After all, he’d spent so much time assisting me that he’d likely be glad to see the back of me. There were times that I’d managed to convince myself that he would be secretly glad to have me stay, but every time I plucked up the courage to ask him if I could stay, my doubt would come surging back stronger than ever.

Just because he enjoyed conversations with me, that didn’t mean he’d want me plaguing his existence long-term. After all, he was Romulan. Speaking to a Human for long stretches was likely just an opportunity for cultural study which he’d never before been afforded.

But...surely if that was the case, he would’ve objected to my falling asleep in his study with him so many times...?

This war of opposing thoughts had been waged repeatedly in my thoughts since Tokath and I started getting to know one another. Hope and doubt took stabs at each other in turns, making me one very confused Human. What was I to do about my feelings for this place? How was I supposed to reconcile my feelings for Tokath with my desire to be less of a burden than I had already been for him and his people?

--

One sunny afternoon after helping Ta’lana mix up a fresh batch of one of her miracle ointments, I wandered slowly through the compound, enjoying the sights and sounds of the society I’d come to treasure so much. The golden rays of the impending sunset streamed across the courtyard, illuminating the smiling faces of the people chatting and taking advantage of the beautiful weather.

The scent of the bright, multi-colored flowers that Centurion M’Ven had been tending so carefully rolled through the compound carried upon a slow, luxuriant breeze, bathing the area in a fragrant, heady cloud of floral delight.

I was so caught up in the simple sensation of being in a place as unique as this that I heard him before I saw him. A warm, familiar laugh drew my gaze, stopping me in my tracks when I caught sight of the man who always made my heart flutter.

The sunlight cascaded across his brown hair, giving even the grayest of his strands a radiant champagne-colored glow. As I stood watching Tokath speak to his men, a gruff voice muttered my name. Glancing beside me, I saw the wizened face of L’Kor with a smile stretching his lips.

“It has been good to see you up and about. We were not certain whether you would survive when M’Ven brought you back,” the Klingon said moving to stand at my side. We stood in silent company for a few moments, taking in the sight and sounds of the day. “I owe you a debt of gratitude.”

“What? But I’ve not earned such a thing,” I stammered in confusion, but the Klingon gave me a toothy grin.

“Oh, but you have. He has been despondent since the day his wife passed three years ago,” L’Kor said nodding in the direction of the Romulans. “He stopped smiling...drew into himself...until you came along.”

Following his gaze, I was just in time to catch Tokath’s eye and receive a dazzlingly warm smile from him. I couldn’t imagine a man like him going a single day without allowing his joy to show on his face. It seemed so wrong to think of him as a solemn, withdrawn man. He was reserved, of course, but despondent? Tokath? Never!

“You have restored my friend to his former self, and for that I thank you most heartily,” L’Kor murmured as he placed his hand on my shoulder. He withdrew as the Romulan Commander began walking in my direction, leaving me to blink confusedly up at Tokath as he approached.

“You look much stronger today, lhhei. I...Are you alright?” The concern in his voice snapped me out of my musings.

“Oh, yes! Yes, I’m perfectly fine. L’Kor just gave me something to think about, that’s all.” Seemingly reassured by my answer, Tokath stood straighter and offered me his arm.

“Do you feel up to taking a walk with me?”

I laid my hand on his sleeve without hesitation, allowing him to guide me away toward solitude. We made our way down the path toward the outer gardens, a comfortable silence enveloping us as we wandered toward a little pond with a bench beside it.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve arranged a feast for you tonight. It would be unconscionable for me to allow you to depart without acknowledging how far you’ve come,” Tokath murmured, and I felt my heart clench in my chest.

“Before I depart?” I echoed his words pointlessly as he turned to face me.

“Yes, you see...I have good news for you. Ta’lana has informed me that you’re well enough for travel, and I’ve managed to acquire passage for you on a supply transport,” he said said lifting my hands to his lips. “You will be able to go home tomorrow.”

Home? But...Earth wasn’t home. Carraya Four had become my home. Tokath was my home.

But he’d worked so hard to secure me passage. No doubt he’d probably needed to bribe the pilot to keep the secret of their existence, as well as compensating them for agreeing to take me in the first place. How could I tell the sweet, hopeful Romulan in front of me that all I wanted was to stay here in this secret place with him?

How could I admit that more than anything I wanted to stay with him?

So I forced a smile, wrapped my arms around him, and murmured my gratitude against his shoulder to hide how downcast I’d become. The knife of despair twisted in my gut, and I wondered vaguely if this was how it felt to be thrown unceremoniously from paradise.

--

The banquet was a roaring success, in Tokath’s opinion. Everyone in the compound had attended to congratulate their Human patient on her swift recovery and to wish her a happy future.

If he was entirely honest, there was a rather selfish reason that Tokath was grateful for the amount of the Carraya Four residents had shown up. He no longer able to ignore his lady’s imminent departure, and deep within him something was cracking - the same something that he’d only just begun to heal after his wife’s death. He found it increasingly difficult to smile as the evening wore on.

At one point, L’Kor tapped his shoulder and leaned in to ask quietly if he was feeling unwell. What could he do but lie?

“No, old friend. I’m...perfectly alright,” he muttered, forcing a smile before focusing on his plate once more. He’d just begun to lose himself in the buzz of conversations all around him when a small hand rested on his forearm and made his heart pound faster in his side. The very woman who’d been on his mind was looking at him with concern.

“You look troubled,” she whispered, and before he could think better of his actions, he laid his larger hand over hers, dwarfing her pretty fingers with his own.

“Think nothing of it, e’lev,” he breathed, but for the rest of the evening, her hand remained on his arm, as if she was afraid he’d disappear if she let go. He doubted that she needed comfort, but Tokath was selfish. In an effort to reassure himself and her, he told her one of his stories, aiming to pull some laughter from her throat both to assuage his own aching heart and to help boost the enjoyment of her evening.

Eventually, the meal ended, and after receiving many emotional handshakes, tearful hugs, and sincere well-wishes, Tokath couldn’t help but notice that his lovely charge looked as though her smile was dipped in just as much sadness as his.

No, surely he was wrong. He must be projecting his own emotional turmoil onto her. No doubt this charming woman would be excited beyond all comprehension to get away from this strange place and return home.

But how could his poor, battered, old heart handle such a significant loss? She was a ray of burning, bright light after years of darkness. The impact she’d had on his heart made him feel like a new man. Would that effect remain after she’d gone? Or would he turn back into that brooding old man he’d been in the months following the loss of his wife?

More importantly: how could he possibly tell this lovely little Human how he felt without making her feel obligated to stay when she undoubtedly would wish to return home?

When the hall began to empty out, two gentle, familiar hands grabbed one of his hands and tugged him outside into the night. Like an insect drawn toward the light, Tokath couldn’t help but smile as he followed the woman he’d grown to love coaxed him into the courtyard beneath the glowing light of the heavens. Moonlight caressed her cheeks and shone in her eyes when she turned to look at him.

The Commander’s voice deserted him in the face of such beauty. She seemed equally lost for words, settling finally on wrapping her arms around him and sighing contentedly when he hugged her back.

“We will be much diminished by your absence,” he finally murmured against the top of her head, “and I cannot help but feel...envious of Earth’s good fortune.”

Her grip on his torso tightened somewhat. A distinct dampness made itself known where her head was resting on his chest, and Tokath ran his fingers gently through her hair. He was tearing up himself, so how could he judge her?

“I wish...” The words nearly crept from his lips, but he stopped them mid-sentence. She looked up at him curiously, but he just shook his head. “Forgive me. Just an old man’s fanciful whims.”

“Oh hush, you. You’re not an old man,” she sniffled as she cupped his cheeks so carefully in her palms. “You’re amazing.”

He needed all of his restraint not to drag her into his arms and ravish her right there where anyone could come across them. She thought he was amazing?

“As are you, lhhei.” Not trusting his voice’s steadiness, he spoke in barely a whisper. There was so much he wanted to tell her, so many stories and hopes he had yet to share with her, but it was too late now. He settled instead for holding her close one last time and savoring the feeling of being so close to the woman he loved.

--

After he’d bid her a final, tearful goodnight, Tokath made his way back to his quarters and dressed for bed, but he couldn’t seem to rest.

He’d been pacing the length of his study for he didn’t know how long, stuck in an anxious fog, when his door chime sounded. Pausing in front of the window and staring out at the stars, he called for whoever it was to come in.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you so late.” The Commander turned at the sound of the soft, gentle, Human voice that he’d grown so fond of. “It’s just, I...I couldn’t sleep.”

“Dear lady, you could never bother me,” he murmured taking a few steps closer to her. He was acutely aware of his state of dress. He hadn’t anticipated seeing any guests, so he was only in a loose pair of black cotton sleep pants and an unsecured emerald robe. “What’s troubling you? If it’s anticipation of your departure in the morning, I’ve been kept awake by such feelings, before. I know how difficult it can be when something long-desired is finally just around the corner.”

“No, it’s...” she trailed off and bit her lower lip. “I need to talk to you.”

“Of course. Please, sit and speak to your heart’s content,” he said guiding her to his sofa and sitting beside her. Noticing her fidgeting hands, he covered them with his own. It was then that he noticed she was also in her pajamas, seemingly in the same predicament in which he’d found himself. “Sweet girl, what is weighing so heavily on your mind?”

She looked up at him, and to his horror he saw that she was genuinely afraid.

“Tokath, you and your people have done so much for me,” she murmured gripping his hands lightly. “I want you to know how grateful I am to you for saving my life and taking me in.”

“Oh, e’lev, believe me, I know. You’ve thanked me countless times,” Tokath assured her, but her brow furrowed and she rose to her feet, pacing silently over to the window where he’d been only moments before.

“But you’ve given me so much more than you could ever know. Your kindness and patience during my recovery, your constant companionship and willingness to help me...”

A deep, heavy breath escaped her, and the Commander stood slowly. What was she getting at?

“I...I’ve never really felt like I belonged anywhere. No place has ever really felt like home. At least, not until I crashed here on Carraya Four,” she admitted quietly, making the Romulan’s breath catch in his chest.

“But, there are no other Humans here–”

“I know, but I’ve never felt this at home anywhere else,” she said turning to face him with a frantic sort of desperation in her eyes. “I know I have absolutely no right to ask any more of you after all that you’ve done for me, and I know that the transport will be here in the morning, and that securing passage on it probably cost you more than I could ever be worth, but please...”

She dropped to her knees in front of him as tears poured down her lovely cheeks.

“I don’t want to leave. I love living here. Even though I’m different, nobody treats me as though I am. I know I wasn’t able to contribute very much when I was recovering, but I’ll do anything I can to earn a place here.” As she rambled and tried to justify her request, Tokath knelt in front of her. “Please, please, I know it must be strange to have a Human here, and I don’t want to inconvenience you, but I don’t want to leave my new friends. I don’t want to leave you, Tokath. You are probably eager to see me go, but, please, don’t make me–”

“I won’t. I would never make you leave, lovely girl,” the Commander said silencing her fears as he cupped her cheeks and looked into her tear-filled eyes. “I have no wish to send you away. In the time that I have had the honor of knowing you, you have become dear to me. I didn’t want to lose you, but the thought of trapping you here in a life that you had no desire to lead by asking you to stay was so abhorrent to me that I chose silence instead. I am so sorry, lhhei. I never meant to appear as though I was awaiting your departure so that things could go back to the way they were before. Whether you go or stay is entirely up to you.”

“I want to stay,” she practically sobbed, and Tokath gave her a warm smile as tears of his own began trickling from his eyes. He drew her into his arms in a tight hug, savoring the feeling of her in his arms.

“Then stay,” he murmured against the top of her head. She clung to him, burying her face against his shoulder as she sniffled and tried to catch her breath. Rubbing soothing circles onto her back, Tokath felt relief crashing through him. He wasn’t going to lose her! He wasn’t going to have to figure out how to live without her! Even if she never loved him like he loved her, he would still be able to see her beautiful, smiling face every day! “Stay as long as you like. Stay the rest of your life, if you desire.”

After a few moments, the Commander gathered her in his arms and carried her to the sofa. Reclining with her in his lap, he cuddled her closer than he had ever done before, tangling their limbs together and holding her as close to him as physically possible. She nuzzled into the segment of his bare chest where his robe had fallen away and grasped at the edge of the emerald fabric.

“Would you like to stay here with me tonight?” When he felt her nod her head and snuggle into him more completely, he relaxed. Tokath was selfish that night. He stayed awake listening to the sound of her steady breathing for much longer than he needed to, simply for the pleasure of reinforcing the knowledge that she was staying. In the morning he’d pay off the transport pilot, but right then, his place was with her.

~*~*~

Romulan Words:

lhhei = my lady

e’lev = darling

~*~

Taglist:

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[deepspacedukat]

Misfit Toys - Part One

I was rewatching TNG’s two-parter “Birthright” and I was reminded of this amazing, overlooked Romulan. Tokath deserves to have the spotlight for a minute! This fic is going to be three parts, and I’ve written parts of both the other chapters already, so I have a pretty firm idea of how I want all of this to go. Enjoy!!

If you want to be added to or removed from my taglist let me know!

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Tokath (ST:TNG) x Reader

[A/N: I haven’t decided whether there will be smut in future chapters, but for now, this is just fluff.]

Warnings: Descriptions of a crash but nothing graphic, discussion of injuries but nothing graphic, mentions of dried blood, flirting, emotions, a Romulan trying to be comforting, eventual Human/Romulan romance.

~*~

In the early morning of the Carraya System, a streak of fire lit up the skies above the lush jungles of the fourth planet. Many of the Romulan residents were awake already, but the few that weren’t found themselves jolted into consciousness by the sound of a vessel crashing through the trees and grinding to a halt.

Tokath, who had been savoring a raktajino as he watched the sky beginning to hint at sunrise, grabbed a disruptor and rushed outside to a group of his men.

“Report,” he barked, and one of them described the object’s trajectory. “You three come with me. The rest of you alert the remainder of the guard and take your positions on the perimeter.”

Using their scanners, they located the crashed craft rather quickly. The ship had broken into three sections upon impact with chunks of twisted metal and debris scattered through the underbrush.

“Fan out and search for survivors!” Tokath called, and for several long, silent moments, all that could be heard were footsteps and the haunting creaks and groans of heated metal cooling and settling in the low morning light. Tokath had counted six lifeless bodies by the time the silence was broken.

“Commander!” Tokath moved toward the Centurion who’d called for him, only to find him crouched beside a Human woman. One of her legs was quite obviously broken, and he couldn’t even begin to guess at how extensive her other injuries must be. Beneath all the dirt and dust that had settled on her clothes and skin, the elder Romulan could see that she was undeniably beautiful. “Sir, she’s alive, but she’s severely injured.”

Tokath knelt by the woman’s side and grasped her wrist just firmly enough to check for a pulse. Judging by the way the bones shifted slightly in his grasp, he surmised that her wrist was broken as were several others. She let out a low moan of pain and blinked slowly up at him, stealing his breath. Her eyes were clouded with pain, but utterly entrancing. As quickly as she grabbed his attention, she’d lost consciousness, leaving Tokath nearly breathless.

“Take her to an empty set of quarters and have Ta’lana do what she can for her. Hurry, she may be dying,” the Commander rasped as he stood and got out of the Centurion’s way. If this lone Human was the only one who survived out of the ship’s crew, then they had to help her. It was unlikely that she would recover fully in her current condition, though. Their medical knowledge consisted primarily of Klingon and Romulan physiology.

And yet...Tokath felt his breath catch unpleasantly in his chest at the thought that one so lovely as she might die on his watch. Rising to his full height, he steadied himself and began his search anew. If she survived, perhaps someone else had, too - someone who might know more about Human physiology than they did.

After they’d combed the area in detail, Tokath and his men gathered in a somber little group. All told, there had been seventeen people aboard that small craft of varying ages and origins, but the only one who had withstood the crash was the poor, broken Human who was now under Ta’lana’s care. Ordering his men to find out what they could from the ship’s records, Tokath went back to the compound.

L’Kor stood at the gate, gray beard blowing gently in the wind, waiting for the Commander’s return.

“What news?” The old man called when the Romulan was within earshot. With a grim sigh, Tokath’s brow furrowed.

“There will be no more survivors to care for. She was the only one,” he said as they both fell into step.

“How many?” The Klingon’s question was quiet and somber as it always was when discussing what he considered needless, honorless deaths.

“Seventeen in total, sixteen of whom are dead. None of the others are Humans, though,” Tokath responded, drawing a curious grunt from his companion. “Where did M’Ven put her?”

“The east wing. Ta’lana is tending to her. Tokath...if she survives, which of us will be responsible for her? She’s not Klingon or Romulan.” L’Kor had a point.

The Commander didn’t hesitate.

“I will be. My men found her, and I ordered her to be cared for. She is my responsibility,” he said, and the Klingon nodded his head.

“Then, I hope she survives. She would have a much gentler recovery under your care than under that of a Klingon,” L’Kor said before shuffling off to go arrange for a group of volunteers to clean up the crash site. If there were any salvageable components, those would be taken, but, most likely, it would all be unusable. There were also the bodies to consider. Some cultures had rather extensive burial rituals. L’Kor would wish to honor them, and Tokath would certainly not object.

Putting his instruments and disruptor away, the Romulan gathered some supplies and headed for the east wing.

“How is she?” Tokath inquired as Ta’lana stepped out of the room that the woman had been placed in. The Commander carried a small basin of fresh water and some clean cloths. It was a sentimental gesture, to be sure, but if nothing else, he believed that she deserved to meet her death with a clean face at the very least.

“If she were Klingon or Romulan I would’ve been able to do much more for her. As it is, I have repaired her broken bones and stopped her internal bleeding. There is little I could do about the rest,” the aging Klingon woman said as she wiped some alarmingly red blood off of her hands with a rag that was stained the same color. “I put her in a fresh nightgown, as well. If she is to survive, then she must do so by sheer force of will. She must rely on her own strength now. I will give her this: she appears to be quite strong for a Human. If she is alive in the morning, then she has a chance.”

Tokath acknowledged her statement with a nod of his head and stepped into her patient’s room as quietly as he could. She looked so peaceful. Walking to the side of her bed, he took up the seat that Ta’lana had occupied only moments before and dipped one of the cloths into the warm, fresh water. Wringing it carefully out so that it was only slightly more than damp, he reached out and began to wipe away the blood, dirt, and general grime that had found its way onto her skin during the crash.

Unbidden, a memory arose of him doing something similar when his daughter, Ba’el, was ill as a young girl.

She’d been feverish and delusional with an illness that none of them had encountered before. Cooling her with a damp cloth was an old tactic, but one that ultimately saved her by helping her body regulate its temperature. She’d stirred several times, but there was only one instance where she was lucid.

“Papa?” Her voice was weak and thready, but it drew Tokath’s attention instantly.

“I’m here, little one. You’re not alone,” he’d murmured dabbing the cloth gently across her cranial ridges. Her eyes were cloudy, but they met his with an almost unsettling stillness.

“Am I going to die?” The question reached into his side and made his heart ache. He couldn’t lie to his daughter.

“Not if I can help it, but you must fight. You must be as fierce and strong as your mother, Ba’el, and never give in,” he murmured. “Do not give up, don’t stop fighting, and...don’t be afraid. I’m here with you. Promise me you will fight, and, no matter what, I will be here by your side.”

And he had been. For three straight days and nights, Tokath hadn’t left his daughter’s side. He’d kept his promise, and Ba’el had kept hers. She’d fought the illness off with all the tenacity of her Klingon heritage.

Now, as he sat by the bedside of a Human woman who was flirting with death, he resolved to do whatever he could to help her live through this. He didn’t even know why he was so determined to make her well. All he knew was that it was extremely important that she not succumb to her injuries.

“My name is Tokath. I realize you don’t know who I am, lhhei, and I can’t be sure that you’ll hear me, but I will make you a deal,” Tokath said to the sedated woman. He wiped the final bit of dried blood from her forehead, and dipped the cloth back into the water as he spoke. “If you fight this, you will not be alone in your recovery. Though there may not be any other Humans here, I will personally ensure that you do not feel lonesome. But, you must fight for your life, now. Do not give in. Alright?”

She couldn’t answer. He knew she couldn’t, but he had heard that sometimes unconscious people could recall what was said to them once they awoke.

“I shall be back in a moment with some more supplies for you,” he stated quietly as he dried her face with a separate cloth. “Perhaps I should tell you a story when I return. Would you like that?”

Silence again met his query, but he allowed himself a hint of a smile nonetheless.

“You look like the curious type. I bet you would enjoy hearing about the set’leth that saved my life as a boy.”

He told her that story and several more when he returned - he had accrued dozens of odd tales over the course of his long life. Telling a few to someone who might not even remember them couldn’t hurt.

Over the next three days, Tokath had a sort of schedule. For the first portion of his morning, he received reports and speculations from his men about the Human and the ship she’d been on. Apparently, their destination had been a small colony less than a parsec away. None of the passengers were of the same species, which made the Commander wonder what in the stars her reasoning could have been for going there. Did she have family there? Was this some sort of a personal exploration? He had many questions that needed to wait until she awoke.

If she awoke.

Next, he had a quick breakfast, attended to his work in his study, and spent the rest of the day by his patient’s bedside. He whiled away the hours alternating between reading quietly and telling her stories. It seemed like a futile endeavor, but if there was even a chance that his rambling was stimulating her mind in some manner, he was going to take it.

These little conversational sessions had become almost therapeutic for him. Since his wife, Gi��ral, passed and his daughter went off to explore the Klingon homeworld, Tokath didn’t have anyone to confide in. Oh, sure, Ba’el came back for her annual visits, but for the most part, he was closed off.

He had no reason to hold back when speaking to an unconscious woman, though. Between stories, he’d begun giving voice to some of the fears he’d kept hidden from everyone else - fear over his daughter’s safety, concern over what would happen if this place was ever discovered by any people besides the very few who knew its secret. There was little to no risk of her spilling those secrets, after all. She may not wake up, and if she did, there was only a low probability that she would remember what he said to her.

Speaking to her and watching her slowly regain her strength was a breath of fresh air for the Commander. Ta’lana gave him a much more positive prognosis two days after the crash.

Tokath didn’t even go back to his room for more than a change of clothing after that. He was at her bedside for all but mealtimes. He didn’t know exactly why, but seeing her face every day brought him a sense of peace and happiness. His first impression had been very correct. Beneath the dirt, she was utterly beautiful. He just hoped he’d get to see her lovely eyes open again.

--

The pain that had seemed so immediate and jarring before had been replaced with a dull ache, and the sound of alarm klaxons had been silenced in favor of a gentle, compassionate voice. What had happened? The whole world seemed fuzzy...hazy and unwilling to come to the surface of my mind with any sort of coherence.

When I finally managed to crack my eyelids open, I was met with the gentle flickering of candlelight. Turning my head slightly, I saw a man sitting in a chair beside me reading a book. A few difficult blinks later, I realized that he was Romulan.

“When’s my execution, rekkhai?” The words sounded rough and were out of my mouth before I could think better of them. The man looked up from the book he was reading and when his eyes met mine, I couldn’t help but swallow nervously despite my dry throat.

“‘Execution?’ Why would I wish to execute you, lhhei?” His voice was smooth, low, and oddly familiar. A soft smile crossed his lips as he closed his book and set it aside.

“Romulans don’t tend to like Humans,” I rasped. “I’ve been called a ‘hevam’ more than once.”

His brow furrowed at that.

“I do not dislike you, I have no desire to harm you, and I’m quite certain that you don’t deserve such distasteful treatment,” he murmured, turning to the small table by my bedside. “Can you sit up?”

Blinking slowly, I tested my muscles. I was sore, but I managed to force myself up after a long moment. As a reward, the Romulan sitting by my bed passed me a small glass of water. While I drank it, I couldn’t help but study him.

His hair was a mix of brown and gray, and despite the severity of his brow, his eyes seemed kind and welcoming. How odd for a Romulan. There was stubble on his jaw and upper lip as if he hadn’t shaved in a while. His lips slid easily into a smile as he watched me watching him.

“What happened?”

“Your ship crashed. We found your identity record on the manifest, but...I’m sorry to say there were no other survivors,” the man said, and to my surprise he actually looked genuinely remorseful. “Do you know where you are?”

“Sitting alone in a bedroom with a Romulan man,” I answered with a wry, exhausted smile of my own. He let out a huff of laughter and nodded his head, but a name floated into my brain. “Do you know someone called Tokath?”

“So you did hear me,” he muttered as his eyes widened. A warm, gentle smile stretched his lips. “I am Tokath, lhhei, and I assure you that you have no reason to fear me.”

I believed him. I didn’t know why, but I knew he was telling the truth.

“It will be several days before you’re able to leave your bed, but you won’t be alone,” Tokath said, and I nodded my head quietly. “I can only offer my apologies that we weren’t able to heal you more completely. For reasons that will become quite clear to you, we have very little need for knowledge of Human physiology.”

I was about to respond to him when the door opened, revealing an older Klingon woman. What was a Klingon doing with a Romulan?

“I came to relieve you for your evening meal,” she began, but when she saw that I was awake, she gave me a wide, toothy grin. “Well, you do have some strength in you, don’t you, girl? Didn’t think you’d survive, to be honest.”

At the surprise written all over my face, Tokath introduced me to the woman who’d tended to my wounds. She checked me over, but despite her attempts to relieve Tokath, he insisted that he would stay with me for a while longer. Once Ta’lana had left, the Romulan gave me a smile.

“There is much for you to learn about this place, dear lady.”

Over the next week and a half, Tokath taught me all about the colony they’d built from the ashes of Khitomer and the battle’s aftermath. He and his men had sacrificed their careers and their homes to help their prisoners protect their family honor. He’d brushed off my amazement at the selflessness of his choice with the excuse that he was simply doing his duty.

But what he’d done was far beyond duty. Hell, he’d even gotten married to one of the Klingon women and had a child with her. He’d created a home he could be proud of here on Carraya Four. There was a lingering sort of sadness in his eyes when he spoke about his wife. It was only when he caught me looking at him curiously that he finally told me that she’d died a few years prior to my crash landing. He seemed genuinely grateful when I offered him my condolences. If the look in his eyes told me anything, it was that he’d loved her more deeply than anyone could ever know.

Tokath had tried to lighten the mood by telling me hours upon hours of stories, as well. We both discovered rather quickly that he had a knack for making me laugh, so he kept me in stitches for quite some time with stories from his childhood.

Each day like clockwork, Tokath knocked respectfully at my doorframe, and at my request that he enter, he would show me some trinket or other and help me fight off the boredom of being confined to a bed by filling the room with his melodious voice and intriguing stories. He even managed to pull a few from me in return, even if I wasn’t quite as adept as he was at weaving my memories into tales worthy of a village bard.

Before we knew it, Ta’lana told us both that it would be safe for me to attempt to stand and walk again. I still felt a bit weak, so I wasn’t too keen on the idea, but Tokath was eager to offer to help me.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked as my ever-present Romulan nurse pulled me confidently to my feet.

“Of course! You’ve done well to regain your strength, and Ta’lana agrees with me that it’s time you attempt to walk again,” he said smiling down at me as I tried to steady myself in his grip. He must’ve been able to see how nervous I was, because he dropped his voice to something quiet and intimate. “I know your leg aches from where it was broken, but you needn’t worry, lhhei. I won’t allow you to fall.”

My breath caught in my chest at the sincerity in his voice. He always looked at me with such kindness. It was almost difficult to believe that our people had been adversaries for so long in a cold war.

Bringing myself back to reality and shaking off the hypnotic sweetness of his eyes, I reminded myself that Tokath had kept his word with everything else. Why shouldn’t I trust him with this? I nodded my head in agreement as he took a small step back.

“Take it slowly. You’ve not been on your feet for quite some time,” Tokath murmured as he released my arms so I could stand on my own. I breathed deeply and took a cautious step forward. A second followed, and, though I looked and felt a bit shaky, I chanced a third. Walking beside me, the Commander smiled proudly at my progress. “You’re doing well. Take your time. Your muscles have not been properly exercised in over two weeks.”

At the fifth step, one of my knees gave out, but I never hit the ground. Two large, sturdy arms held me firmly against a familiar, very solid chest. A pair of warm eyes smiled down at me. A giddy little giggle bubbled up from my throat and was met by a chuckle from Tokath.

“Every step is progress,” he murmured as my face heated up under his gaze. “You should be proud of yourself for coming so far.”

“I couldn’t have recovered like this without your help, rekkhai,” I said smiling up at him as I steadied my legs again.

“I’m honored to have been able to assist you, and...I hope that I will be able to continue to make your recovery easier,” he said as he took a slow, careful step back. “Stay right there.”

Walking over to the long, narrow box that he’d brought with him today, Tokath picked it up and carried it over to me.

“This is for you,” he stated as he pulled the lid off to show me what looked like a staff with a pad at the top. “It’s an old-style crutch. My brother used one when he injured himself on a mission on an uninhabited planet. I know it isn’t much, but it should help you regain your mobility. I made this one myself, so if it requires any adjustments...”

I couldn’t help but look up at him in amazement.

“You made this? For me?” When he nodded his head, tears flooded my eyes. He’d done so much for me already. With a small, lurching step, I wrapped my arms around Tokath and buried my head in his chest. “Thank you so much!”

After a moment’s hesitation, he hugged me back and rested his chin atop my head.

“It is time for you to begin living again, lovely girl, and I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I promise.”

~*~*~

Romulan Words:

lhhei = lady; my lady

hevam = Human (derogatory, slur)

rekkhai = sir

~*~

Taglist:

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[deepspacedukat]

The Lifeline - Part Three: To Have An Open Flame

Vreenak decided it was his turn. He's the kind of chaotic stability I needed right now, tbh. Anyway, still winging it. Enjoy!

Part One here. Part Two here.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Vreenak (DS9) x Reader

[A/N: There will be suggestiveness in future chapters so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: References to Romulan politics, espionage, stalking, references to an interspecies relationship, pre-Romulan/Human relationship, interspecies romance, threats, angst, time travel bs, references to marriage/a mating bond, skeptical Vreenak, Romulan undercover as a Vulcan, mentions of a previous Vulcan/Human failed relationship, he's falling and he doesn't even know it, Romulan reading a Human romance novel.

~*~

I really have no reason to be nervous, I thought to myself as I got my lunch from the replicator. He's probably just uncomfortable with his new surroundings, and being Vulcan, it's difficult for him to express his discomfort.

Turning with my lunch tray, I caught sight of my current objective: Velek sat alone at a table in the mess hall, eating his lunch and reading a PADD. Thinking of those icy blue eyes again made my heart thud in my chest. Really, he was gorgeous, but he was also grumpy enough to make him a bit scary. Well, maybe he himself didn't scare me, but the thought of being on the receiving end of his anger, suppressed or not, definitely did.

Come on. Realistically, what's he going to do? Scowl you to death?

With a deep breath, I made my way over to him, putting on what I hoped was a friendly smile and not a terrified grimace. As I approached, his eyes flicked up and practically froze me in place.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" He asked in an almost deadly-quiet tone.

...I hated that he still sounded so sexy. Really, it wasn't fair. I was actively trying not to fall for any more Vulcans, and he was not making it easy.

"Hi! Er, uh, good afternoon, Lieutenant," I said trying to sound less terrified and more confident. "Is this seat free?"

He glanced at the seat across from him and back at me, seemingly considering his options. The Mess Hall was almost full, so seating was limited anyway. It wasn't like this an unreasonable request, but I guessed he was still trying to find a polite way to refuse. Just as I opened my mouth to apologize and go try to find another seat, he sighed.

"Yes, it is currently unoccupied," he said setting his PADD aside.

"May I...?" I gestured to the seat, trying to give him an opportunity to refuse, if he really didn't want me there.

"...You may." Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, I thanked him quietly and sat down, trying to be mindful of his space so that I wouldn't make him more uncomfortable than he already appeared to be. "I trust you're ready for the anomaly scan analysis?"

"Oh, yes. I'm looking forward to seeing how this pulsar cluster differs from a couple of the others I've read about," I answered, and at that he lifted a sharp eyebrow.

"You've worked with these sorts of phenomena before?" He sounded genuinely interested, which I took as a tentatively positive sign.

"Well, as they're rare, I haven't had the opportunity before, but phenomena like these have been of particular interest to me since the Academy, so I've read pretty much all there is to know about them," I explained. "I've studied all the procedures, and I know that actually doing something in the field is much different than just studying the theories involved, but I'm confident in my abilities, so..."

I trailed off with a shrug.

"What about you? Have you ever studied a pulsar cluster up close before?"

"Twice, yes, but not in many years. I was barely thirty when I saw my first, then fifty when I saw my second," he said, and I felt my eyes widen. I knew he was older than he looked by Human standards, because of his Vulcan heritage, but it still took me by surprise that he was over fifty. It really shouldn't have stunned me, hell, even Torek was over seventy. Did...Did that mean he was closer to maybe...ninety?

Mental math aside, I nodded my head, trying to focus on the science aspect of the conversation rather than Velek.

"Oh really? That must've been so fascinating." I leaned a little closer in my seat. "Were they about this size, or...?"

"Both were smaller, actually," he said; some of the barrier in his gaze came down as he spoke. "Neither of the events I observed were quite this strong, either. I must admit, if I was not–"

He cut himself off abruptly as if he'd caught himself from saying something he shouldn't.

"I...am intrigued to see what differences this cluster will yield," he finished quietly, and if I was not very much mistaken, the tips of his ears had turned a darker shade of green than they were before. He crammed a bite of food into his mouth, staunchly not meeting my gaze, and I did the same, not wanting him to feel as though he was obligated to speak if he didn't wish to.

After a few moments of quiet, furtive looks between us, Velek and I accidentally met each other's gazes and froze.

"We're lucky to have you here, you know," I said, trying to set him at ease. "We've been a bit short-staffed lately, so your arrival couldn't have been better-timed."

"...Your gratitude is...appreciated, but misplaced," he began, some of the coldness seeping back into his tone. "I am here for the work. Nothing more."

With that sentiment out in the open, I realized I'd likely overstayed my welcome. Feeling awkward and out of place, I got to my feet.

Maybe his surroundings weren't making him uncomfortable. Maybe it was me.

"My apologies. I'll just...get out of your hair. Have a good rest of your shift," I said giving him a sheepish, apologetic smile and walking away before he could say anything. Shoving my mostly-full tray into the replicator to be recycled, I made my way back to my station. My appetite was gone.

--

Vreenak watched her walk out of the Mess Hall with a sinking feeling. Why did he care whether he'd hurt a little hevam's feelings? She was nothing to him. He was here specifically to avoid acquiring a Human wife. What did it matter if her poor, weak little emotions were injured?

He huffed quietly to himself and picked up the report he was supposed to be reading. Instead, though, his mind was focused solely on the expression that had crossed her face just before she rushed out: a mixture of pain, embarrassment, and regret. Had he truly been so intimidating? A sigh escaped his lips. Of course he had! He was the Vice-Chairman of the Tal Shiar, for Elements' sake, of course his looks were as cutting as his tongue was in Senate sessions.

Putting his own half-empty tray into the replicator, he made his way back to his station, trying to force his mind back into neutral territory to maintain his cover. That same look kept returning to his mind's eye even as he worked.

Later that night, they read through the next chapter of her book. Really, she'd chosen such a trite little story. Were these two actually meant to be together? He hated her, yet she was still mooning after him like a pathetic baby set'leth crying for its mother. It was hard for him to imagine the story ending well, but her Trill friend mentioned that it had a happy ending the last time she visited the Lieutenant's quarters. Why would anyone endure something so painful? Was love really worth that much?

Vreenak read a bit slower that night, finding himself repeatedly distracted by the way she looked. The shape of her nose, the curve of her cheeks...her rounded, extremely Human ears...

Eventually, she went to bed, and Vreenak did as well, but disturbingly, he found himself thinking about the message. 'Vree, honey,' she'd called him. She'd shortened his name, and he had the rather unsettling thought that in her voice, he actually liked how it sounded.

When he drifted to sleep that night, there was a small smile upon his lips at the ridiculous yet heady thought of her saying the entirety of his real name. Not that he would admit to such a thing, of course. Exhausted minds were prone to playing tricks on their owners.

Days passed, during which they kept to their little routine. They'd complete their shifts with minimal interaction, go back to their respective quarters, and Vreenak would read along with her in that insipid romance novel. The male love interest was, for lack of a better term, a complete veruul. If he simply admitted how he was feeling, there would be significantly fewer problems, and they could have ended this terrible book several chapters earlier.

Vreenak was grateful beyond words that he was not that dense. If he cared for a woman, he'd be brave enough to confront those feelings and do something about it. What a coward, that character was to hide behind his fear of losing her as if it was some sort of cloaking device! He was glad they were nearly three quarters of the way through.

He put the book away when she did, and assuming that she was off to bed, he went to change out of his uniform. He'd stripped down, and thrown on a dark green pair of sleep pants and a matching robe, but as soon as he went to begin his evening routine, the door chime sounded. Who would call on him this late at night?

--

When the doors to Velek's quarters slid open, I blinked in surprise. He was already out of uniform, wearing instead a dark green silk robe.

"Do you require something, Lieutenant?" At Velek's harsh, impatient tone, I used all of my restraint to keep from staring at the exposed stripe of his chest peeking out from behind the soft fabric. I must've looked like a startled deer!

"I apologize for disturbing you. The Captain just wanted me to check in and see how you were adjusting to your new post," I answered, which was partially the truth. Velek had been withdrawn - more than other Vulcan crew members I'd encountered, in any case. Despite extraneous socializing being considered largely unnecessary and illogical, most Vulcans engaged in at least a little bit of it. Velek, though, did not, which suggested continued discomfort on his part. "May I come in?"

After a long, hard stare, Velek stepped aside, and I took the opportunity to slip past him into his living space...

His...still-utterly-bare living space. Other than a few data PADDs and an empty glass on a table near the viewport, his quarters seemed virtually untouched. Had he not unpacked in the nearly two weeks that he'd been here?

"I apologize for my appearance. I was attempting to meditate and did not anticipate having a guest," Velek called, but he didn't make any move to draw the sides of his robe tighter around himself. At least he was comfortable enough to take that small liberty. Given the view, I certainly wasn't complaining.

"Where are your candles?" The question flew from my lips before I could stop it, and he paused.

"I neglected to acquire more before my last transfer, and as they cannot be replicated properly, I do not have access to them." Maybe that was why he was so short-tempered! He couldn't meditate properly! I knew how important the candles were to the process, and I knew the replicated ones gave off an unpleasant aroma - something about the synthetic oils didn't settle correctly into the wax mixture.

"Oh, I see. I, um...Is there anything I can do to make adjusting to this post any easier?" I asked as I turned to face him, only to see his eyes skimming slowly up my body as if he'd been observing me. No. That was too much to hope for.

"Nothing comes to mind at present," he said, and I nodded my head.

"Has everyone been treating you alright since you got here? Are they making you feel welcome?"

He walked over to his sofa and took a seat, crossing one leg over the other.

"As the rest of the crew have respected my desire not to socialize, I have no reason to complain." The ice had reentered his voice.

Oh. Right. He didn't like me. The glimpse of his bare chest had all but obliterated my rational thoughts.

"Oh, good. Well, uh, I apologize for interrupting your evening. I'll just go report to the Captain and leave you in peace." I practically bolted from his quarters before I could do something really stupid like asking if he wanted a completely logical cuddle.

--

How odd that she would run out like that right when he was going to break down and offer her a seat and a drink. Granted, he wasn't wearing his uniform, but he didn't look that bad...did he?

He glanced down at himself and felt an uncomfortable wrinkle of insecurity. A bit of his chest was showing, but he knew he looked better in this than he did in a Starfleet uniform. There was no question that this was more sensual, and she'd already admitted to her friend that she found him attractive, so...what was there for her to dislike?

Unsettled, he made his way to bed, but he couldn't coax his mind into a state peaceful enough for sleep. When Vreenak left his quarters for duty as a slightly more tired version of Lieutenant Velek the next morning, he spotted a box beside his door with his alias on the digital tag. Bending to inspect it, his brows lifted at the note it contained.

'I hope these help you feel more at home. Welcome aboard!'

Attached was a file giving written consent for an open flame in his quarters from the Captain. An open flame? Opening the box, he discovered a bundle of traditional Vulcan meditation candles.

There was only one person from whom these could have reasonably come. Glancing at the door to the quarters beside his, Vreenak couldn't help but feel a hint of surprise. Why would she be kind to him when he hadn't been that way to her? He'd attempted to shut down every friendly overture she'd made toward him, but he clearly hadn't succeeded.

And, did this mean she hadn't disliked what she'd seen of him the night before?

...More importantly, why should Vreenak care what she thought?

Quickly moving the box inside, he took a deep, steadying breath and headed to his station in the forward science lab. Sure enough, she'd beaten him there as always.

He wondered, as he often had these first two weeks, whether she'd slept better than he had. The skin beneath her eyes was darker than the rest, and Vreenak was stunned to feel concern bloom in his chest. Her self-deprecating jokes about insomnia had at least some basis in truth, then.

Again, why should he care? She was just a Federation officer! She was a mystery to be solved, a whisper from a potential version of the future, nothing more. He had a mission to accomplish. There was no time for him to become sidetracked by trivialities like some hev– some Human's health. He realized he'd been watching her for several seconds, but before he could turn away, she caught him staring.

Maybe that Trill was right. Vreenak must be getting older if he was slipping so severely.

"Good morning, Lieutenant," she called with a tentative smile stretching her lips. Forcing himself to move, he stepped over to the adjoining station and started his work for the day.

"The candles you left me..." he began, but as soon as he spoke, she looked over at him and his mind went blank. What...had he been saying?

"They...They are the traditional type. A-And, they're not replicated, I promise," she murmured when he didn't continue. "I apologize if I overstepped, but I just thought...I mean, when I was at the Academy, two of the three cadets I shared quarters with were Vulcans, and I always kept a few extras in case they needed them. It's sort of become a habit, and when you said you didn't have any..."

She trailed off, and Vreenak had to exert more force than he expected to keep himself from smiling at her. Vulcans didn't smile. Why did he suddenly resent that?

"It was not necessary, but...I appreciate them. You have my gratitude." He might not really be Vulcan, but the thought and intention behind the gesture touched him. He'd done nothing but be brusque and prickly with her, but she'd still managed to find enough kindness in her heart to offer him yet another olive branch. She was as stubborn as he was.

They worked on their respective tasks, side-by-side in silence for a moment before she spoke.

"So...does that mean we can be friends now?" The mischief in her voice made him glance at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"Do not push your luck," he muttered, and though his voice was as intimidating as it had always been with her, she simply smirked and turned back to her terminal.

And he was proud of her reaction.

The realization made him pause. Proud? What reason had he to be proud of a Human? He should hate her! She was the reason he'd been inconvenienced with this mission in the first place. Her call from the lonely darkness of the Delta Quadrant was what had summoned him from his cushy position in the Senate.

He should be home on Romulus, not wasting his time on a Federation science vessel. Abruptly, he stood and made his way to a different station, acting as though he required access to another set of data simply so he could put some distance between them.

This Lieutenant would not be his wife - she was nothing to him - therefore, there was no reason for him to become attached. Simple.

...So, why did he feel the loss of her proximity so keenly when he reached the other side of the lab?

Vreenak had become too involved in his role as Velek. To a Vulcan like his cover, she would be a perfect candidate for a mate. Studious, dedicated, accommodating, warm...the likelihood of her rejecting his attentions would be low...

Instinctively to a Vulcan, she would be perfect. For a Romulan, however, she was barely adequate. She needed more...more...something. Cunning, perhaps? Her naïveté was clearly uninspiring.

Yes, that was it. Vreenak was simply delving too deeply into his cover. All he needed to do was remind himself of why he was here: to investigate a Federation officer who would, at some point in the future, come to know three influential Romulans by name when she shouldn't. Threat assessment and, if necessary, removal.

Throughout his shift that day, his thoughts kept straying to the candles in his quarters. He told himself it was just one more piece to the puzzle.

~*~*~

Romulan Words:

hevam - derogatory term for human

veruul - fool

~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes

@emilie786 @groovyqueer @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @rookietrek

@slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

[deepspacedukat]

The Lifeline - Part Two: The Armstrong

To be completely honest, I haven't exactly planned this fic out, so I have no idea how many chapters this will be. It'll be a surprise for everyone, myself included! 😇 And yep, i have a lot of asks and tagged posts to get around to, but I wanted to put this out first. Enjoy!

If you want to be added to or removed from my taglist, please let me know.

Part One is here.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Vreenak (ST:DS9) x Reader

[A/N: Future chapters will contain smut, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Spoilers for ST:VOY S1E7 "Eye of the Needle," references to Romulan politics, espionage, stalking, references to an interspecies relationship, pre-Romulan/Human relationship, interspecies romance, threats, angst, time travel bs, references to marriage/a mating bond, skeptical Vreenak, Romulan undercover as a Vulcan, mentions of a previous Vulcan/Human failed relationship.

~*~

After a few months aboard the USS Armstrong, we were finally going to see the Epsilon Pulsar Cluster up close! We took on new crew members at the Epsilon IX Station; four of which were engineers intended to ease the burden of repairs mid-mission, two were specially-qualified science officers, and one was simply a late addition.

It was the latter of the group that fascinated me. With keen, icy blue eyes, sharp facial features, and neatly-groomed hair, the new Vulcan Lieutenant had drawn my attention from the moment he materialized on the transporter pad in his science division blue uniform. The others were escorted to their stations and quarters by the Chief Engineer and the Science officer assigned to the Bridge, and I was assigned to Lieutenant Velek.

Tall and mildly intimidating, the stoic Vulcan stepped down from the transporter pad, and I offered him the traditional Vulcan ta'al in greeting as I introduced myself.

His eyes roamed the length of my body, seemingly sizing me up, but he did return my greeting after a pause. Undoubtedly, I was not who he expected to see when he beamed aboard.

"It is...agreeable to meet you, Lieutenant," he muttered after a moment, and assuming that was about all I was going to get out of him for the moment, I plastered on what I hoped was a welcoming smile.

"If you'll come with me, I'll show you to your quarters." Velek did so without protest. Giving him a short overview of our ship's upcoming mission to update Starfleet's data regarding the pulsar cluster, I tried to be as concise as possible. Though I kept my gaze firmly forward, I couldn't help but feel as though he was observing me.

Keying in the entry code for his quarters, I gave him a quick glance through the layout. Our ship was a little different than the standard science vessel in terms of accommodations. Starfleet meant for us to be a prototype for longer-term science missions into deep space, so there were a few more amenities than were standard.

If his expression was anything to go by - he'd lifted a single eyebrow all of twice - Velek was either impressed or turning his nose up in the most Vulcan way possible.

"If there's anything else you need, please don't hesitate to let me know. My quarters are actually just to the right of yours, so if the comms go down and you need a book or some tea or something, I won't be hard to find," I said clasping my hands behind my back as he turned to face me.

Velek's icy blue eyes gave me an appraising once over.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I will keep that in mind." Now that we were alone, I was struck by how deep and velvety his voice was.

Fuck. No way. I couldn't do this again. I was just asking to get hurt if I developed feelings for another Vulcan, so I simply wouldn't be interested in this one. Velek was a colleague, nothing more. That was all he'd ever be.

"I'll leave you in peace," I murmured with a polite smile. "Your first duty shift begins at oh-nine-hundred tomorrow morning, so take some time to rest or explore the ship, as you see fit. I'll see you in Science Lab Three."

He gave a polite nod, and I left his quarters. Taking a deep, steadying breath once I was back in the hallway, I forcibly shook my thoughts back into neutral territory. Velek was not for me.

--

Vreenak's first step aboard the Armstrong was to determine the Lieutenant's schedule - a task made easier by the proximity of her quarters to his. Next, he slipped inside and placed a few listening devices. Audio and visual in her living space, and audio-only in her bedroom.

He was careful to disturb nothing during his time in her space, but he couldn't stop himself from glancing through the few books she'd accumulated. A pair of poetry books, a copy of Surak's teachings, three assorted fictional texts, and what appeared to be a romance novel. Tucking the title away in the recesses of his brain for further research, he placed secondary sets of bugs in extremely innocuous places, pausing only when he leaned over the head of her bed.

A soft, sweet scent clung to fabric that Vreenak simply couldn't resist inhaling deep into his lungs. Something primal and dark stirred in his chest, and he just barely managed to suppress a small groan of hunger.

Horror washed over him when he realized what he'd done, and with a scowl, he left as quietly as he'd come. As he sat in his quarters testing the equipment one last time while he had the chance, he scoffed at his own behavior.

Fool of a man. If he didn't control himself, he'd end up with a Human wife whether he wanted one or not. And he most certainly did not.

Especially not one like her. She was too–

Somewhere in the midst of his thoughts, the sound of voices reached Vreenak's ears. She was back, and she had a guest. Accessing his new cameras, he watched as the Lieutenant and a Trill Ensign sat, kicking off their shoes and tucking their legs beneath them as they chatted. Raising the volume slightly, the Vice-Chairman listened in.

"–eyes like that? I mean, if someone like him looked in my direction, I'd be half-way to requesting Vulcan citizenship already," the Trill woman said with a gleeful smile. "Oh, come on. You have eyes in your head! The new guy's hot!"

The Lieutenant merely shrugged her shoulders.

"I mean...yeah, he's good-looking, but I got the feeling he's not easily impressed. He barely said two words to me. And he seems...irritable," she muttered, and her friend nudged her arm playfully.

"So he's just your type, then?" The Lieutenant looked up at her sharply, but the Trill just laughed. "You know I'm right. Every guy you've dated since the Academy has been some variation of a smart, handsome asshole. What makes Velek so different?"

Vreenak blinked. They were talking about him? The silence stretched between the women, and eventually the Ensign sighed, but less from frustration than concern.

"This is about Torek, isn't it?"

That was a new name. One that Vreenak instantly disliked, though he couldn't put his finger on the reason.

"Of course it is. When someone uses you like that, you don't forget it in a hurry," the Lieutenant wilted somewhat.

"I know, but this one's older," Vreenak bristled at that, "I bet he's got at least a modicum of tact when it comes to letting people down gently. And anyone would be more honest than Torek," the Trill said patting her friend's shoulder before moving to the replicator. "Now, I think ice cream is in order."

The rest of the evening's conversation was irrelevant, and once the Ensign headed back to her own quarters, Vreenak stretched and made to walk back to his own bedroom. Humans needed more rest than Romulans, so he fully expected that to be the end of her evening.

To his surprise, he glanced at the monitor once more, but instead of finding her heading toward her bed, he saw that she had curled up with a book - the romance novel he'd found on her shelf earlier.

After a long moment of debate, he switched his view to the camera situated behind her so he could note what page she was on.

How strange for her to be reading a romance, especially if what she'd said to her Trill friend was true. She'd been used by a Vulcan, yet she willingly sought romance? Did that not simply emphasize her loneliness to her? Was she addicted to the pain?

Vreenak's brow furrowed, and he pushed down memories of his own failed romantic endeavors. No, if he was in her position, he could never indulge in something like a romance novel. Elements, he didn't want to even in his current position.

Unfortunately, though, he would need to if he wanted a full understanding of her psychological state. He told himself it was all part of building a profile of the woman who'd claimed to be his wife.

Downloading the novel onto his personal terminal, he let his gaze linger on her for a time. She seemed so small and unassuming when she was all bunched up amongst the cushions.

But, he'd learned decades ago never to underestimate an opponent. The moment you did, that was usually when you got a knife in the back. He would not be such a fool. Not with her.

Thus, he opened the first page of the book file and began to read with a scoff, alternating his attention between her and the text of the drab little story with the childish pink hearts on the cover.

~*~

Taglist: @akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes

@emilie786 @groovyqueer @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @rookietrek

@slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

[deepspacedukat]

The Lifeline - Part One: The Message

...Yes this is another plot bunny. Yes I still have a ton of requests to get out. It's fine. Blame the brainrot.

If anyone wants to be added to or removed from my taglist, please feel free to let me know.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Vreenak (DS9) x Reader

[A/N: This will contain smut, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Spoilers for ST:VOY S1E7 "Eye of the Needle", references to Romulan politics, references to an interspecies relationship, Romulan/Human relationship, interspecies romance, threats, espionage, angst, time travel bs (it'll make your head hurt if you analyze it too much, or at least it made mine hurt), references to marriage/a mating bond.

~*~

**2367 - Stardate Classified, Late afternoon - Romulan Senate**

Listening to Sabrun drone on and on about the threat of the Federation-Cardassian peace treaty was usually something Vreenak would enjoy, but today, his head ached. He'd been in nothing but meeting after meeting for weeks on end, both for the Senate and the Tal Shiar, and the tedium was finally getting to him.

When was the last time he took leave? Years, most assuredly - before he was elected to the Senate seven years ago.

Wasn't that about how long Sabrun had been talking? Consciously straightening in his seat, he forced his shoulders to release some of their tension. He relished the opportunity to serve his people, to protect them, but he hated long-winded sessions like this.

A tap on the arm knocked him out of the deep, sinking morass of his thoughts, drawing his attention to the aide who'd approached him. He wore not the uniform of the government, but that of the Tal Shiar.

Elements bless Koval for saving him from such an utterly dull session!

Quietly, he gave the Praetor a deferential nod and slipped out of the Senate building. The fresh air caressing his face sent a bolt of relief through him. Even though he would likely not be allowed to rest for some hours, he couldn't find it within himself to be resentful. He did need to take some leave, no doubt, but for now, he'd gladly accept the moment's respite that his position with the Tal had just given him.

"Ah, the Chairman summoned you, as well?" Vreenak smirked at the sound of Letant's voice, and he slowed long enough for his friend to catch up.

"Luckily. I thought Sabrun would never shut up. He makes good points, obviously, but does he never tire of the sound of his own voice?"

Letant let out a tired chuckle of his own at Vreenak's ire, but both men were too relieved to be free to dwell on their frustrations.

"Any idea what this might be about, Mr. Vice-Chairman?" Letant's use of the title brought a genuine smile to the other man's lips. Vreenak had only earned it a year prior, and he was damned proud of his success. "Am I to finally be silenced for knowing too much about you?"

"Never, old friend. We may disagree on some points, but I value you too much to ever allow it to come to that." Vreenak murmured as they walked.

"Thank you for coming so promptly. I hope that I have not inconvenienced the Senate too much by pulling you both mid-session," Koval called the moment that the pair of Senators stepped into his office, shrugging off their outer robes. A smirk played across the Vice-Chairman's lips.

"You and I both know that inconveniencing others is one of your favorite pastimes," he called taking a seat before Koval's desk and allowing himself to sink into the cushioned chair with a relieved groan. Letant took the other. "I must thank you. One of our colleagues had become...tedious."

"You will not thank me in a moment." Koval's tone was graver than Vreenak had heard it in some time. Uh oh. That was always a bad sign. "What I am about to show you goes no farther than this room. One of the Empire's scientists - Telek R'Mor, Captain of the Talvath - died recently."

Vreenak's brow furrowed slightly, and Letant tilted his head.

"His family has our sympathies, but I, for one, fail to see the relevance," the latter remarked.

The Chairman stood and poured both of his guests generous servings of kali-fal.

"There was a data storage device found in his belongings. It was accessed, and the contents were...intriguing. You see, it contained personal messages from the crew of a Starfleet ship to their families," Koval continued, "a Starfleet ship that has not yet been built."

At that, Vreenak froze with his glass halfway to his mouth, and Letant's lips parted in surprise.

"They were messages from the future?" Vreenak hadn't meant to ask the question, but it slipped out anyway.

"Indeed, but that is not all. Computer, play visual message one-three-one-alpha," Koval ordered, and the screen before on the desk before the Senators lit up with the image of a woman - a Human woman.

Mentally, Vreenak acknowledged that she was actually quite pretty for a hevam.

"Hi, sweetheart. I know you're probably surprised to hear from me...after such a long silence, I mean. I doubt you'd write me off so quickly, but, well, I'm sure by now you've worked out that something is wrong." Vreenak glanced at Koval, not yet grasping the significance of this seemingly random message, but the Chairman simply nodded back at the monitor. Letant seemed intrigued by the woman on the screen. "It's been a few months since Voyager went missing, and while I can assure you that I'm physically alright, I...Vree, honey, we're stuck in the Delta Quadrant."

His eyes widened at a single syllable amongst the mess of her rambling. 'Vree.' Was...? She was talking to him? Why the hell would a Starfleet officer - a Lieutenant Commander, by the look of her rank pips - be contacting a Romulan Senator? He'd never seen her before in his life. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Letant look at him curiously, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"We're doing everything we can to find a shorter way home, but it might take years," she admitted, and he noted that tears had slowly gathered in her eyes. "I understand if you want to petition the Praetor for an annulment. After all, it's not much use having a wife who's stuck in a whole other quadrant of space. But, I...I want you to know that no matter how long it takes, I will make it home to you. You're in my thoughts every day and night, deyhhan. I love you. Give Koval and Letant hell for me, okay?"

She blew a kiss to the camera just as a tear rolled down her cheek, and Vreenak set his glass aside just as the message cut off.

"Computer," Koval called, "display addressee for visual message one-three-one-alpha."

Vreenak's stomach clenched as he saw his own name and rank pop up on the screen along with the stardate on which the message was recorded - nearly four years in the future by the Federation's calendar, assuming his mental calculations were correct.

"Well, my friend, you seem to have gotten quite lucky. As far as Humans go, she seems delightful," Letant murmured as he downed his drink. "She's stuck in another part of the galaxy, of course, but she obviously cares for you–"

"This is a joke," Vreenak rasped, feeling anger bubble up inside him. She seemed to know about all three of them, but that couldn't be possible. "I've never even seen her before! Why would I marry a...a hevam?"

"I assure you, I would not have called you here if I had not already verified that this was not a joke," the Chairman stated, and he handed the Senator a data pad containing the results of the inquiry he'd conducted into the subject. An encrypted visual message from Telek R'Mor himself detailed the encounter he'd had with Voyager in 2351, including his logs, and even a covert visual recording he'd snagged from their communications with his ship. Apparently, the man had left instructions for the delivery of these personal missives, but his daughter had turned them over to the Tal Shiar as soon as she'd discovered that one of them involved three well-known Romulans.

A wise choice.

Farther down, he found a report on the woman in the message. She was a Lieutenant currently serving aboard a science ship. Having received high honors at Starfleet Academy, she also had several commendations on her record from various superior officers. There was no indication that she was involved with Starfleet intelligence or Section Thirty One, though.

How odd, given the circumstances. How else, hypothetically, would they have met if not through clandestine contact?

Koval was nothing if not thorough, and the fact that he'd already looked into this meant that there truly was no chance that this was a deception.

Vreenak had a wife. A Human wife. Or, at least, he might end up with a one at some point in the next four years.

Just in time to lose her to the Delta Quadrant.

"I take it you're interested in having this looked into, then?" Koval asked, and the sound of his voice spurred Vreenak into action. He downed the kali-fal he'd been served, then got to his feet.

"You're damned right, but I'll do it myself," the Senator said, straightening his tunic before donning his robes once more. "If this woman really did send a message from the future, then I need to know more about her. Her intentions, motives, possible schemes... This isn't just a mystery, it's a personal one."

"Of course. Do what you have to. I'll have transportation and an alias arranged, as well as a surgeon," the Chairman confirmed. "I trust you'll want a Vulcan persona to save time?"

"Naturally."

"Oh, and Vreenak?" Through Letant's opening inquiry, he could already hear the mischief in his voice. The man in question glanced back at him over his shoulder. "If you don't like what you see when you meet her, do feel free to send her my way. She is rather alluring."

The Vice-Chairman let out a gruff huff of laughter.

"Be careful what you wish for. I'm certainly not marrying a hevam, but if you're willing to debase yourself in such a manner, then by all means, have at her," Vreenak said as he strode to the door.

Pledge himself to a Human? Ha! He would never disgrace himself like that. His taste was much more refined.

~*~*~

Romulan words:

hevam = derogatory name for a human

deyhhan = husband

~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes @emilie786 @groovyqueer @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

[deepspacedukat]

The Defector (And His Doctor) - Part Two

MOAR SOUP FOR THE POINTY SOUL. I was a lil too verbose in this chapter (it's WAY longer than the first one), so there will be an epilogue, and FEAR YE NOT A LONG WAIT, FOR I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN IT AND IT SHALL BE POSTED MERE MOMENTS (probably less than an hour) AFTER THIS. *ahem* Enjoy! 😇

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

Part 1 here.

~*~

Beverly Crusher (ST:TNG) x Alidar Jarok (ST:TNG)

[A/N: This chapter has smut/is smut adjacent, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Spoilers for ST:TNG S3E10 "The Defector", interspecies sex, Human/Romulan sex, implied Human/Romulan sex, non-explicit interspecies sex, innuendo, flirting, romance, angst, guilt, mentions of poison, if you've seen the episode then you know the ending gets a little dark, suicidal ideation, but there's a happy ending, Jarok needs therapy, and Bev is gonna make sure he gets it, confused/well-intentioned/trying-his-best Data, smug Tomalak.

~*~

**Day Two**

A day in the Reman mines would be less infuriating than this. Admiral Jarok, under the alias of Sub-lieutenant Setal, had battled back and forth with Commander Riker and Counselor Troi all morning with neither side making any headway.

"You're forcing yourself to hold back," the Betazoid counselor had stated with near-maddening calmness, and she hadn't been wrong.

"I have told you everything relevant about Nelvana Three," he'd fired back, but neither of the Starfleet officers had been convinced. The two had teamed up and pressed him on and on, until finally he'd snapped at them, shouting about how irrelevant their inquiries were to their current situation. "What a fool I've been to come looking for courage in a den of cowards..."

The interrogation had ended shortly after his biting remark. Jarok shouldn't have been surprised, but he really had thought that Starfleet would show a modicum of bravery in the face of impending war. Thus far, the only true fortitude he'd seen had come from the beautiful Doctor Crusher.

Ah, the doctor. Her smiles coupled with that fiery red mane made him wish that he'd had a reason to remain in the medical bay for much longer.

Just thinking of her as he strode back inside his quarters made the scowl melt off his features. Since he had effectively exiled himself from Romulus, he would have to make a new life. Maybe, if she was willing...?

No. No, he needed to temper his thoughts, at least until the dust had settled from this situation. But...he supposed it wouldn't hurt if he made his interest known. Nobody ever complained about a few extra compliments, so he could allow himself to flirt harmlessly with her.

He didn't even know if she had a mate. He really ought to check, first. If she had a partner, he would keep his flirtations to a minimum. After all, Jarok was here to stop a war, not disturb a family's peace. His own sham of an arranged marriage was not an excuse for him to cause unnecessary problems for others.

Pulling up the limited biographical profile that the computer allowed him access to, the Admiral sipped his replicated water and skimmed the information before him. Her age, rank, qualifications, and commendations were included, as well as a note that she had a son who was an acting officer onboard the Enterprise. When he reached her marital status, guilt wound its way through Alidar's heart.

She had been married, but her husband had died when her son was very young. She'd been forced to raise her child alone while also maintaining her career? He could tell from the moment he met her that she was a strong woman, but that particular revelation was one he hadn't expected.

Had he crossed a line when he flirted with her before? Jarok was aware that some people never pursued relationships after losing a spouse, either out of guilt or a preference not to risk their hearts again. Perhaps he should take a slightly more cautious approach to this...

Walking to the control panel that Riker had showed him how to use the day before, he opened a communication channel with the ship's first officer.

"What can I do for you, Setal?" He sounded purely professional. After the questioning session earlier, he was surprised that the Human sounded that unaffected. Reluctantly, Jarok admitted to himself that he was impressed.

"Commander, that medical officer who examined me yesterday - Doctor Crusher, I believe her name was - I need to see her, if you don't mind," he said trying to sound as casual as possible. "I feel as though I might be coming down with something."

"I'll ask her to come by your quarters at her earliest convenience." When the channel closed, the Admiral smiled to himself. Now, he would find out whether there was a chance of experiencing some small amount of joy in his exile.

--

After her discussion with the Captain the previous night, the request from Commander Riker to visit Setal's quarters made Beverly wish that she'd stayed in bed. The Romulan had seemed so charming when he was in sickbay, but as Jean-Luc had correctly pointed out, it was entirely possible that he could've given himself those burns and lied about everything.

Grabbing a medkit from their storage shelf, the Doctor straightened her blue lab coat and made her way down the corridors.

What could she say to him after yesterday's conversation that wouldn't make her feel conflicted? She knew it was her duty as a Starfleet officer to question his motives, but...after all, he had asked for their help. Would he really give up his home for a mere ruse?

Unfortunately, she didn't know enough about Setal or his people to answer that question with any sort of confidence.

Within moments she found herself outside his door, staring at the panel beside it as if it might bite her.

"Don't be ridiculous. He's just another patient," she murmured under her breath. Before she could second-guess the action, she activated the door chime and stood a little straighter.

When the door slid open at his behest, she stepped inside and found her one and only Romulan patient staring out at the stars with a glass of water in his hand. He turned to face her, and when their eyes met, a swarm of butterflies seemed to alight in her abdomen.

No. She couldn't do this now. He asked for a medical officer, not a schoolgirl with a crush.

"Commander Riker said you needed a house call," Beverly stated as she looked Sub-lieutenant Setal up and down. Whatever was wrong with him wasn't immediately evident, but maybe his injuries from earlier ached more than she'd anticipated. The Federation still knew so little about Romulan physiology that sight-only diagnosis was nearly impossible. "What are your symptoms, Sub-lieutenant?"

A smile filled with mischief stretched his lips.

"Loneliness, Doctor. One of the most painful afflictions known to sentient species across the universe," the Romulan answered as he took a few slow steps toward her. "I had hoped that the most charming Terran I've ever had the fortune to meet would give me the honor of a few moments' conversation."

Beverly's cheeks burned. She'd found Setal attractive from the moment he walked into her Sickbay, but she really couldn't afford such a distraction, especially with the threat of war looming over them.

"My, what kind words for someone whom you barely know. Do you speak to all Human women like that?"

"Truthfully, I have never spoken to a Human woman before you, and if I do in the future, it certainly won't be like this," he said gesturing to the couch.

Beverly hesitated. She really shouldn't allow a patient to speak to her in such a familiar manner, but...there was something about him she just couldn't resist. Eventually, she let out a quiet sigh and took a seat on the sofa, setting her kit and medical tricorder aside. The Sub-lieutenant sat a comfortable margin away, and despite her knowing better, she found herself wondering what it would feel like to run her fingers through his hair. The smattering of gray in his sideburns made him look quite distinguished. Whatever his age was, Setal wore it well.

"Your curiosity is practically tangible, Doctor. May I ask what's on your mind?" Her eyes flicked up to his, and the sparkle she found there drew an involuntary smile to her lips. She certainly couldn't tell him what she was really thinking about, so she settled for the next best thing.

"May I ask why you wanted to talk to me in particular if you wanted appealing company? There are undoubtedly much prettier Ensigns and Lieutenants aboard–"

"That is quite a subjective statement, and frankly, I find it inaccurate," he murmured, and she looked at him curiously. Beverly knew she was a decently attractive woman, but...really, why had he chosen her? "Speaking candidly, Doctor, I found it...refreshing that you were not intimidated by me while you were treating my injuries. You dared to request that I, a Romulan officer with three times the strength of a Human, remain still after making a joke about how I got those burns in the first place. And you did so without flinching."

She raised an eyebrow and tried very hard to ignore the little stab of fear in her gut.

"Are you telling me you got them some other way?" She hoped her probing question had sounded like she was teasing him rather than trying to discover whether Jean-Luc was right. A slow, appreciative smile stretched his lips, and he took a slow sip of his water before setting the glass aside.

"I didn't take a plasma torch to myself, if that's what you are implying, Doctor, though, I do thank you for assuming that I would have the strength of will to intentionally mutilate myself in pursuit of the Empire's interests," Setal said as he turned to face her more fully, draping his arm along the back of the sofa. His knee just barely brushed hers. "I would die for my people, yes, but I must admit that I am rather allergic to pain."

A huff of laughter bubbled up through her relief and slipped past her lips before she could stop it.

"It was an accident," he clarified. "I was attempting to complete multiple tasks at once - fly the ship, dodge phaser fire from the warbird, and repair systems before they could go down... There came a point where I neglected repairs long enough for the conduit next to my station to explode. Regrettable, but I considered that a small price to pay to save my life...and the lives of countless others, assuming that your people believe me in time to avert a war, of course."

She searched his face as he spoke, but he was either a very good actor, or he was telling the truth. Her intuition told her it was the latter.

"For what it's worth, I believe you." Beverly knew she shouldn't be admitting that, but she was inclined to tell him the truth. After all, whether she bought his story or not, it was ultimately up to the Captain to decide whether to pursue his leaked information.

Setal looked at her with a lopsided grin.

"Now, that is a pleasant surprise," the Sub-lieutenant began, "but I wonder, will your honesty still be present when we dine together?"

Beverly's heart beat an alarming rhythm in her chest at the presumptuous question, and she raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

"I don't recall receiving any such invitation, Sub-lieutenant," she murmured, and she was proud of how steady her voice sounded despite the excitement pooling within her. She really shouldn't be excited about dining with a Romulan, defector or not, she supposed, but then...he was extremely charming.

"Ah, my apologies for getting ahead of myself–" he didn't look sorry in the least "–but would you allow me to share a meal with you?"

"I'm on duty," Beverly pointed out, but Setal was not deterred.

"Surely, you are permitted to break for sustenance at some point? Or are all Starfleet Doctors required to starve themselves? How do your Vulcan friends put it, 'the needs of the many,' I believe...?" She contemplated refusing - surely there was a conflict on interest somewhere in accepting? The Sub-lieutenant's expression was hopeful and a bit playful, and mentally, Beverly acknowledged that she really shouldn't want to know him as much as she did. "If it makes you feel better, you may of course choose where we eat. I'm quite comfortable to bend to your whims. We can remain here if you are ashamed to be seen with a Romulan, if you are wary of being alone with one of my kind we can eat in your ship's mess hall, or if there is another place you'd prefer...?"

"The brig it is, then," she teased, but realizing how that might've come across, she winced. Damn her sharp tongue–

A low, rich laugh shook her out of her thoughts.

"If that is what you desire, I swear to be the most willing prisoner that you have ever had, Doctor." His good humor was infectious, and Beverly found herself smiling even as her combadge chirped.

"Crusher here."

"Sorry to disturb your appointment, Doctor, but I wanted to let you know that the patient requiring shoulder surgery is being prepped and should be ready for you in a few minutes." Nurse Ogawa was professional as always, and Beverly acknowledged the message before turning back to Setal. To her surprise, he was watching her with undisguised interest.

"Forgive me for keeping you here for so long, Doctor," he murmured in a softer voice than she'd heard from him before. "I am truly grateful for the company."

She knew it was wrong, but she smiled as she picked up her medkit.

"It's alright. You can make it up to me at lunch. Twelve-hundred hours," she said as she got to her feet. A look of delighted surprise crossed his features, and as she turned to leave his quarters, she smirked. "Come to Ten-Forward, though. Not the brig."

"I will, Doctor," he called, and without looking back, she made her way back to Sickbay.

--

Jarok couldn't wipe the smile off his lips after the Doctor's visit that morning. He was in a better mood when he strode off to Ten-Forward than he had been since he made the decision to leave Romulus.

Upon entering the recreational area, the Admiral was struck first and foremost by the view. Across the entirety of the far wall were viewports. Stars whizzed by as the Enterprise traveled through space, and he had to admit that he understood why this spot was apparently so popular.

"Hi. Sub-lieutenant Setal, right?" A cheerful voice sounded at his side, and Jarok turned to find a young man looking at him with typical Human curiosity. There was something familiar about him, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what.

"I am. And you are?"

"Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher," the boy answered, and Jarok's eyes went wide.

"You're the Doctor's son."

"Yes, sir." No wonder the young man wasn't looking at him with suspicion like the rest of the crew - he had his mother's courage.

"And what is your specialty? Are you going to command a starship one day, or perhaps become a medical officer like your mother?"

"Oh, neither. Wes is bound to be an engineer," another voice called out, and striding over was an officer wearing a metallic visor. He clapped Wesley genially on the shoulder and offered the Admiral his hand in greeting. "Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge. Pleasure to meet you Sub-lieutenant."

Jarok shook the hand that La Forge offered him.

"Well, this future engineer obviously has a dash of bravery in him if he's not afraid to approach a terrifying Romulan," Jarok snarked, and the boy just laughed.

"Would you like to join us for lunch, sir?" Wesley asked, but before he could answer, a hand grasped Jarok's arm.

"Sorry, Wes. This gentleman already has an appointment." The Admiral's heart thudded in his side at the sound of his Doctor's lovely voice.

"Thank you for the offer, but perhaps another time," Jarok said before turning his attention to the woman at his side. "I'm all yours, Doctor."

The smile she gave him filled him with enough joy that he could have powered a thousand warp cores with energy to spare. A willing victim to the currents of her whims, Alidar followed her to a table for two near one of the viewports, ignoring the looks they were receiving. If the crew wished to witness their Doctor - the most beautiful of their number - choosing to spend time with him of all people, then they could do so. He just puffed up his chest slightly and basked in the warmth of her gaze as they took their seats.

Someone called Guinan came over and took their orders, tossing Beverly a wink. Jarok hoped that was a good sign.

The rest of Ten-Forward seemed to fall away as the pair talked. Even their food lay untouched for large chunks of their conversation. At one point, they both were so caught up in each others' company that they didn't even notice the removal of their empty trays.

This was so easy, so natural, that the Admiral knew she had worked her way permanently into his heart. Perhaps it was too soon to call this feeling 'love' but he knew it would end up that way eventually.

When the time came for Doctor Crusher to return to duty, Jarok managed to convince her that dinner together was just as good of an idea as lunch had been. She even went so far as to suggest that they eat in her quarters. She stood to take her leave, and the Admiral gave her a respectful bow and a flirtatious wink that drew a pretty pink blush to her cheeks.

Resuming his seat once she'd gone, Alidar looked up and found a golden-eyed man staring at him.

"I take it you have never seen a Romulan before?" He asked with a smirk.

"That would be an incorrect assumption," the oddly-pale officer replied.

"Then why do you invade my privacy?" A hint of irritation leaked into his tone, but Jarok didn't particularly care. The only Human's opinion he cared about was the Doctor's and she wasn't here. All he wanted to do was sink into the afterglow of the time he'd just spent with Beverly, but this person insisted on interfering.

"I was attempting to ascertain what my guts tell me about you," the officer said, and the wording was so strange that the man's identity struck the Admiral all at once.

"You're the android," he murmured. "I know some Romulan cyberneticists who would love to be this close to you."

After a second's consideration, the android tilted his head slightly and replied.

"I do not find that concept particularly appealing."

"Nor should you," Jarok muttered ominously. The android made some inane remark about this viewport being a favorite amongst various members of the crew, but all he could muster was a non-committal hum. He missed his own stars - he hadn't meant to actually say that out loud, but all of a sudden he found himself trailing after the android officer who'd said something about bringing Romulus to him.

After typing specifications into a computer panel against a wall, Data ordered the computer to run a program and gestured for him to enter a pair of doors first. Skeptical, Jarok forced his expression to remain neutral as he did so.

For all his mental preparation, nothing could have dulled the shock of the landscape laid before him.

"The Valley of Chula. I know it well!" He marveled, but something about being in such a familiar place, even if it was just a simulation, felt sour after what he'd done.

"You may stay here as long as you wish," Data offered, rather magnanimously for an android, but after allowing himself one last look at the world he'd left behind, Alidar shook his head.

"I no longer live here," he rasped. "Turn it off."

Once the harsh, cold lines of the hologrid were visible, Jarok forced himself to look hard at his surroundings.

"This. This is my home now. My future. I have sacrificed everything. It must not be in vain." Taking a deep, fortifying breath of recycled air, he turned to Lieutenant Commander Data. "Arrange a meeting between myself and Captain Picard. Tell him Admiral Jarok wants to see him."

--

"Ensign, will you wait outside?" Picard asked, and once the officer was gone, his eyes fell upon Alidar once more. He'd been delivered to the Captain's ready room with more haste than he'd anticipated. He assumed he was only delayed long enough for the Captain to confirm his identity. "Have a seat Admiral Jarok."

"Captain, there is no more time," he protested.

"Admiral, have a seat," Picard said a bit more forcefully, and because Jarok knew the man wouldn't get down to business until he'd complied, he finally sat in the chair across from him. The Captain seemed more stoic than he had before, more serious...harsher somehow. Jarok knew he would be. This was precisely the reaction he'd wanted to avoid. "You see, I'm just not convinced that you are telling the truth."

Oh, Elements! This again?

"What must I do?" The Admiral was beyond frustration, now. Could this Terran not see that their very worlds hung in the balance?

"You must convince me," Picard answered, and that unshakable calm was almost worse than harsh words and shouting. Was the man half-Vulcan? "If I had irrefutable evidence...but you did not bring irrefutable evidence. You brought no evidence at all. Now, here, you are not the man you claimed to be. Admiral, your credibility is stretched beyond belief. A Romulan defector is almost a contradiction in terms, but Admiral Jarok crossing the lines?"

"I explained my motivations to your interrogators," he rebutted, but the Captain brushed that aside.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 'Peace in our galaxy.' Except, Admiral, you are not a man of peace. Your military record - what we know of it - is clear."

"Which is precisely why I chose an alternate identity here." Jarok would've thought that particular point would've been obvious, but...

"The massacres in the Norkan outposts, for example." Anger was finally edging into Picard's tone at that, but this was one argument for which Alidar was prepared. He explained briefly about semantics - massacres versus campaigns, butchers versus heroes - something the Federation should understand well given their own history with warfare.

Picard got to his feet, asked him some half-baked question about how he was to believe him when no evidence was available. He prodded him about classified information on Romulan tactical positions, fortifications, cloaking technology. The Captain rambled on about unbelievable circumstances and the difficulty of accepting his word on faith, and when the Admiral had the gall to tell him that he would not betray his people, that was when Picard chose to raise his voice.

"You've already betrayed your people, Admiral! You've made your choices, sir! You're a traitor! Now, if the bitter taste of that is unpalatable to you, I am truly sorry. But I will not risk the lives of my crew, because you think you can dance on the edge of the Neutral Zone." The Captain gradually lowered his voice to something calm again - something somber that felt like a vice closing around Jarok's throat. "You've crossed over, Admiral. You make yourself comfortable with that."

That little tirade cut deeper than Jarok had anticipated. The cold, harsh reality of the sacrifices he'd made were being forced before him yet again in startling clarity, yet...he knew that despite his own pain, he had begun the necessary tasks. Now all he must do was follow through on them.

Admiral Jarok took a brief moment, a steadying breath and played his last remaining card, his one vulnerability.

"Do you have any children, Captain Picard? A family?" The man in question looked exasperated and a bit uncomfortable as he answered negatively - so he'd struck a nerve, then. "Then you have sacrificed too much for your career."

"Yes, this is all very interesting–" The Romulan held up a hand to stop him, and to his relief, the Captain listened.

Impatient though he was, he did at least listen as Jarok explained about how his daughter, her future, and the futures of all children, were his motivation. He told Picard everything - how he attempted to persuade those in command that another war would destroy the Empire, his censure when they grew tired of his arguments, his reassignment to a distant sector, and how this was his final recourse.

By the time he finished, he was on the verge of pleading, because surely the Captain would see that acting on his information was necessary to save both their peoples. Just as he thought he'd succeeded, Picard's gaze hardened once more.

"I will not act. Not unless I have unequivocal cooperation."

Damn the man. One appraising look later, Jarok sat with a data PADD in his hand, inputting all the information he believed was relevant to their mission. When he was finished, Picard nodded his head and thanked him for the assistance. Taking that as the dismissal it was, Admiral Jarok strode from the Captain's ready room and found himself instantly flanked by two security officers.

"How kind of you to escort me back to my quarters, gentlemen," he teased as the three of them stepped into the turbolift. He was finally free to turn his attention to the much more pleasant task of preparing for his evening with the beautiful Doctor.

--

Beverly didn't believe it at first when the rumors began flying through the corridors and into Sickbay. Setal, a Romulan Admiral? She scoffed the first few times she heard it, but when Will Riker popped into Sickbay to retrieve a copy of the medical scans they'd taken of Setal and called him Jarok instead, a lump formed in her throat.

What a fool she'd been! As she handed over the records with a fake smile plastered on her face, she berated herself for falling for Seta– Jarok's charms. She really felt something for him, but obviously he'd been using her.

Practically falling into the chair in her office, she covered her face with her hands and took a steadying breath. She'd made it all too easy for him to get under her skin. A few sweet words, a few mischievous smiles, and she'd become putty in his hands. Maybe so many years without Jack had made her more gullible.

"Doctor? Are you alright?" Nurse Ogawa lingered in the doorway, catching the expression on Beverly's face before she had a chance to hide it.

"I'm fine, Alyssa."

"Respectfully, ma'am, you're not a very good liar," her friend said with a sympathetic smile. "If you want or need to talk, I'm here, okay?"

An announcement rang out over the Comm System for all Senior officers to report to the briefing room, and before she walked out, Beverly drew her friend into a tight hug. She'd take the support, but for now, she had duties to attend to.

The journey across decks was almost automatic for her, at that point, so she allowed herself to become lost in thought while the turbolift hummed along. Was it his real identity that she hated, or did she simply hate that he'd deceived her?

She didn't particularly care who he really was, and she wasn't exactly thrilled that he'd lied to her, but he'd done that to the whole crew, so...what was it that was really bothering her?

She walked into the briefing room and took her seat. As she settled in, a few of the assembled officers, Will, Deanna, and Geordi, looked at her with concern before the Captain strode in.

Oh. That's what it was. This felt like school. Beverly was always the last to find things out because she was always teased as a child. She was the last to find out about Alidar, despite the fact that he'd had lunch with her, complimented her, flirted with her... He'd treated her as though she was special - as though she actually meant something to him - but she was still the last to know the truth.

That was why she was so hurt.

But, what did it say about her that she didn't care whether he was a Sub-lieutenant trying to avert a war or an Admiral trying to trick them into starting one?

She sat up straighter in her chair, listened intently to Jean-Luc's briefing, and contemplated how she'd handle seeing him tonight. She had a few hours to think of what she could possibly say to him that wouldn't sound as though she was just some whiny, lovelorn teenager. 'I thought you cared about me' sounded far and away too desperate for a person she'd known for less than two full days.

When the briefing ended and the room began to empty out, Deanna moved to walk alongside the Doctor.

"Will and Geordi mentioned what happened. Are you–?"

"I'm fine." Her clipped tone betrayed exactly how not fine she was, but at that moment she didn't care.

"You know where my office is."

She did indeed, and when she was ready she'd talk to the Counselor about all of this. But, at that moment, all she wanted to do was prepare herself for what could be an extremely unpleasant evening.

--

The Captain had seen fit to lower the number of guards following the Admiral from two to one - much more tolerable than before, even if the one currently beside him was constantly scowling. He hadn't been stopped when he visited the Arboretum to obtain flowers for his lady, nor had he been deterred when the officer in question had chosen to stand uncomfortably close to him as he activated Beverly's door chime.

"Come in," she called, and as the door slid open, he was greeted with the sight of his Doctor out of uniform. A soft, green, knit sweater draped artfully off one shoulder to reveal a tantalizing bit of skin. She couldn't possibly know that Romulans used to mark their mates and be teasing him about that...could she?

He honestly wouldn't put it past her. She was clever and utterly devious, he was convinced of it.

A pair of dark lounge pants made her look elegant in her comfort - more formal than such an outfit had any right to be - and the Admiral suddenly felt decidedly underdressed despite the presence of his own uniform.

"Good evening, Admiral." Her voice was quiet and calm, but there was an underlying coolness that nearly stopped his heart. His smile drooped a fraction. He should've known that she'd find out before he had a chance to tell her. Looking over his shoulder, she addressed his guard. "Wait outside, please, Ensign."

The hiss of the door closing behind him sounded more foreboding that he'd expected. Neither spoke for a long moment. She looked at him expectantly, and he dared to take a few tentative steps forward to present the flowers he'd brought her.

"I visited the ship's Arboretum. I had not encountered these flowers before, but their exotic beauty reminded me instantly of you," he said offering the bouquet he'd put together for her. "I believe they are called roses."

She said nothing. She made no move to take them from his hand. The silence stretched long enough to make him wonder if he'd ruined everything.

"Were you even going to tell me?" Beverly's question was so quiet that had he not been Romulan, he would've been in danger of missing it.

"Of course I was. I simply... The moment never felt...correct for such an admission."

"What moment would have been better?" She asked, and for a split second, Alidar wondered whether all Starfleet officers, save Riker, had taken the same course of expressing anger with Vulcan-like calm. "Would it have been more appropriate in your eyes to wait until we were in bed together?"

He sighed. What else could he do?

"What you have to understand is–"

"Jarok? Admiral? What am I to call you now?" She asked, and she began to muse aloud. "'Jarok' conveys the wrong tone altogether, 'Admiral' seems too formal, and I assume 'Alidar' is off the table as it's too casual for a man with your reputation."

He took a deep breath and laid the flowers aside on the side table by her sofa.

"I cannot change what I have done in the past, nor shall I apologize for doing my duty as an Admiral in the Romulan military. This is precisely why I dreaded telling you," he muttered looking away. "Since my past obviously offends you–"

"Your past? I don't give a damn about your past," she exclaimed, stunning the Admiral into silence as he gaped at her. "I'm hurt, Admiral, not because of who you are, but because I was the last person on this entire ship to find out!"

They both looked at each other, quietly assessing the situation.

"The looks of...of pity that were sent my way just because everyone else knew and I didn't... Do you have any idea how that felt? Did you think I was an easy mark? That I was so blinded by my attraction to you that I'd never find out?" Her questions stung, but not because they were accusatory. They kicked him right in the chest because of the underlying assumption: that he would manipulate her in such a cruel manner because of how little he thought of her.

The opposite was true. He thought the world of her, and it was an injustice that he'd behaved in such a manner that the thought had even crossed her mind. Jarok took a single, careful step toward her.

"E'lev...I didn't tell you, because I was afraid that I would lose you if you knew who I was," he explained looking into her eyes. "You are the only bright spot in this entire ordeal, and I was certain that if you knew all the grisly things I've done for my people, all the terrible orders I've given, all the lives I've been forced to take, you would despise me or worse...fear me."

Looking up at him with those big, blue eyes of hers, the Doctor surprised him yet again by closing the distance between them, cupping his cheeks, and gently skimming her thumbs across his skin.

"Admiral, over the past day and a half, you've shown me exactly who you are. I don't hate you for the choices you've made, and I'm not afraid of you," she murmured. "I trust you...or at least, I hope that I can trust you."

Such an admission from a woman who really shouldn't be associating with him at all made him crumble. All he could think to do when he was this vulnerable was to close his eyes and lean into her touch as he nodded his head.

"You can. I will do all that I can to justify that trust." His voice came out as little more than a rough whisper. What had he done to deserve such mercy and understanding from her? What right did he have to even be in the presence of a lady of such mercy?

"Would you stay and talk with me, Admiral?"

"Only if you'll call me Alidar, Doctor," he stipulated as he opened his eyes once more. Truthfully, he'd have stayed even if she only ever wanted to call him 'Setal' from now on. He would gladly be anything that she wanted him to be. "I don't ever want to hear my title from you."

"I think I can do that, but I'll expect you to call me Beverly in return." The way her eyes sparkled up at him was utterly irresistible.

"As you wish...beautiful Beverly," he murmured, savoring the syllables as they flowed over his tongue. Willingly, he allowed her to grasp his hands and lead him over to the couch - he'd have done anything for her. This, of all things, was no trouble.

"Now, I want to know about you - the real you," she said, and Jarok smiled.

The pair talked for several hours. He answered every question she had, even going so far as to explain about Romulan customs regarding officers of his previous position and their marriages being arranged for political gain. At the first whiff of his dissatisfaction with the Romulan government's aggressive policies, his wife had seen no further advantage to remaining with him and filed for an annulment. His daughter and some distant relatives were the only people he'd left behind on Romulus.

"Speaking of children...your son, Wesley," he began, and Beverly's lips stretched into the sort of proud smile only a parent could manage. "He takes after his mother quite a bit, from what I can tell. I believe his father would be proud of the man you have raised him to be."

"Hardly any of that is down to me," she demurred leaning more fully against him. "He's more like Jack than he realizes - all duty and responsibility. You know, Wesley tried so hard to fill the void that I had to remind him he was a kid more than once just so he'd go have a little fun."

"Well, he certainly has your courage, e'lev," he mused, and she let out a quiet laugh, settling her head on his shoulder. The sensation felt wonderful, especially when paired with the knowledge that she was at ease enough to touch him so casually.

After a moment's comfortable silence, he looked down into Beverly's eyes, allowing himself to get lost in her gaze yet again.

"Alright, I'll bite. What's on your mind, handsome?" Jarok preened at her praise.

"The view. Even the heavens are different here on this side of the Neutral Zone. The stars are wrong," he murmured, "but perhaps..."

She tilted her head curiously when he trailed off, raising her eyebrows in askance.

"Perhaps your eyes can be my new stars." Gently, Alidar cupped her cheek, running the tips of his fingers down the softness of her skin. "Only if you're willing, of course."

He noted only a short moment of hesitation as she processed his words before smiling up at him.

"Why, Alidar, I'd be honored," she said just above a whisper, and he felt his heart speed up in his side. Before he could do anything about it, though, gentle lips met his.

This gesture was so open, so intimate, so...Human. Jarok melted against her, following her lead until they were both breathless and clinging desperately to each other. Somewhere in their haze, the Doctor had ended up wrapping her arms around his neck and straddling his lap. His hands had taken up residence on her hips, keeping her steady above him as they explored each other.

He knew that she could tell how hard he was. She wasn't some inexperienced virgin, she was a woman who'd had a child. As her fingertips skimmed through his hair and coaxed him into another kiss, Jarok couldn't help but marvel at her. She as such a force of nature! He couldn't deny her anything, even if he wanted to. He'd crumble after an instant if only to receive more of this wonderful, exquisite intimacy from her.

How had he fallen so far so quickly? He'd defected from the Empire, lost his home, his daughter – all in a single day. Now, less than a day later, he found himself hoping to make love to a Human and cover her in the evidence of his affection. If his people could see the way he hummed hungrily into Beverly's mouth, they'd sneer at him for allowing a mere hevam to affect him so.

They wouldn't understand her magnetism or her beauty, because they'd be too blinded by their prejudice. He'd always been different in that respect. Jarok had never seen Humans as lesser than Romulans. They were different, yes, but he'd always wanted to satiate his curiosity rather than scoff at their existence. He was beginning to believe that it was an impossible task, though, because every time he learned more about Humans from Beverly, he found that instead of being less curious, he was even more so.

Alidar wanted to know everything about her - what made her happy or sad, what made her moan with pleasure, what her beautiful red hair looked like when it was mussed after a good night's sleep... He'd never been so ravenous for answers before in his life!

He managed to pry his lips from hers and began kissing down that lovely long neck of hers. The whimpers she gave him were precious gifts to be treasured and savored on the tip of his tongue for as long as he lived.

And were those her pheromones? Intoxicating woman... Was nothing about her flawed?

She leaned away from him just long enough to tug her sweater over her head and toss it away. His mouth met the dip in her collarbones, and she said his name like a prayer.

But if anyone was the worshiper in that situation, it was Alidar. Every millimeter of her was precious and sacred to him, and he vowed to himself as she tugged at his uniform tunic that he would never treat her as anything but the blessing from the Elements that she was.

And, oh, they had crafted her perfectly. Fire ran though her veins and gave itself away in her beautiful hair...her passion...her devotion. He'd always enjoyed a fire's heat. Even when he got burned, his respect for it only grew.

She was his favorite flame.

Beverly's forehead met his when both their torsos were nude. Their chests pressed against one another as they fought a battle between breath and pleasure. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, her fingers buried in his hair, and her quiet breaths mingling against his lips with his own.

Neither spoke - what could they say that was adequate in the midst of such affection? But, after a long moment, a small gurgling sound filled the air.

They'd completely forgotten about dinner, hadn't they? Their eyes met and both dissolved into a fit of giggles. Lifting her with ease, Alidar kissed Beverly's cheek and laid her on the sofa, taking a moment to admire the sight of her all flushed and vulnerable beneath him before walking to the replicator to get them both something to eat.

He'd save her for dessert.

--

The ship dropped to impulse a few hours later, and the pair of lovers who'd drifted off together after sharing a meal and a few more kisses finally got dressed once more.

Beverly reported to Sickbay, and Jarok was summoned to the Bridge not long after the ship reduced its speed.

It was time. Nelvana Three required his attention. Smoothing his hair in the turbolift and pointedly ignoring the disapproving glare his guard gave him, the Romulan reported as ordered only to find the Bridge crew in a state of agitation.

"Perhaps you'd care to explain why we're here, Admiral," Picard called out almost as soon as the turbolift door opened.

"There doesn't appear to be a base," Riker added sounding more than a little frustrated.

"I don't understand." Jarok said as he looked at the barren planet on their viewscreen.

"Nelvana Three, Admiral! No base, no weapons, no signs of any life at all!" The Captain exclaimed.

"But...I saw the tactical communiques...the records...timetables for completion," he said as he walked closer to the screen. "An entire legion was assigned to this sector."

"Is it possible they could have been feeding you disinformation? You said that you'd been censured, reassigned four months ago," Picard pointed out, and a buzzing began in Jarok's ears. "They knew of your dissatisfaction. Could all this have been to test your loyalty?"

"No. No, it's impossible," he protested, but a small, horror-struck part of his brain recognized that the Captain could be correct. Oh, Elements, if he'd been tricked–

"They let you escape with an arsenal of worthless secrets," Picard bit out. "What other explanation is there?"

The buzzing in his ears grew louder, and he gripped the wooden railing that surrounded the middle section of the Bridge as Picard's First Officer ordered them out of the Neutral Zone. His own people had deceived him.

Before the ship could run, though, two Romulan warbirds decloaked and fired on them. This couldn't be happening! Was Jarok trapped in some sort of nightmare?

The Romulan Commander eventually hailed them, and Picard engaged in a minor battle of wits with him.

Alidar barely heard a word until Tomalak's jab about Enterprise's broken hull being displayed as a warning to all other traitors who would dare defy the Empire. At that, he snapped.

"All the communiques...all the timetables, all the records. They were all fiction written for my benefit," the Admiral raged, but the smug Commander on the viewscreen merely looked smug as he continued. "A test... A test of my loyalty. And you used me to lure the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone."

Ignoring the accusations completely, Tomalak returned his attention to Picard.

"First, Captain, you will return the traitor Jarok, then you will surrender as prisoners of war."

The men went back and forth, trading threats, and with all the confidence of a man with an ace up his sleeve, Picard summoned two Klingon battle cruisers seemingly from nowhere.

But Jarok could not celebrate the fact that they were still alive. He could not find it within himself to be glad that he'd lived after being so thoroughly used and humiliated.

"I did it for nothing," he murmured, "my home, my family... For nothing."

In disgrace, with nothing left of his dignity, Former Admiral Alidar Jarok left the Bridge. Shame surrounded him like a haze. So caught up in his grief was he that he didn't notice the way Captain Picard's eyes followed his path to the turbolift.

--

In the middle of treating a few small injuries from the conflict with the Romulan warbirds, Beverly's combadge chirped.

"Doctor Crusher, I think it would be wise for you to visit Admiral Jarok's quarters, and...my instinct could be wrong, but you may wish to prepare for a medical emergency of some sort."

The Doctor paused as she set aside a dermal regenerator.

"Acknowledged, Captain, thank you," she replied. Picking up a medkit, she turned to Alyssa, but she was already waving her out the door.

"Go, we can handle ourselves. We'll cover for you as long as you need." With a grateful smile, she hurried out of sickbay toward her lover's quarters. 'Her lover'... What an odd sounding phrase after so long as a single woman.

But, what sort of injury could he possibly have that would drive him to his quarters rather than Sickbay? He would've known she'd be on duty, so why not simply come find her so she could help?

Activating his door chime, he shouted for whoever it was to go away. She hadn't expected to hear such anguish in his voice. She activated the chime again and this time she announced herself.

"Alidar? It's me, Beverly," she called. "Please, may I come in?"

A long, charged paused passed before he called for her to enter. When she did, she nearly fainted at the sight that greeted her. Tear tracks stained his cheeks as he stood by the viewport. He looked deflated, somehow...defeated.

"Please, let me see my stars one last time..." An orange felodesine chip was clutched desperately between his fingers. Beverly's heart sank. He wouldn't...he couldn't, not after all they'd been through in the last couple of days.

"Alidar...wait, please," she adopted the most soothing tone she could as she kept her eyes locked with his. Taking slow, small steps toward him, she tried to figure a way out of this. Setting the medkit aside as she walked, she tried her hardest not to spook him into anything rash like ingesting the chip. There was no reversing that. There was no antidote.

"Beverly...e'lev, I can't. It was all for nothing. My own people used me to get to the Enterprise. I nearly caused all of your deaths and started the war I was trying to stop, all because I couldn't tell the difference between fiction and fact." A tear rolled down the Admiral's cheek and his hand shook. "I will never see my baby girl grow up. I will not be there when she welcomes a child of her own into the world. I will never see Romulus again! I cannot face this alone."

"You aren't alone, I promise." She was almost close enough to touch him, now. "Alidar, for as long as you will permit me, I will stay by your side. I will help you through this to the best of my ability, but you have to be willing to give me a chance."

He started to shake his head, but she was close enough to caress his face and look deep into his eyes.

"Try...for me..." she begged feeling tears burning in the corners of her own eyes as she spoke. "Please."

After a long moment, there was a quiet 'clack' as the chip fell from his grip and landed on the floor. Almost before she could process that he'd moved, the Admiral grasped the Doctor's waist and caught her lips in a desperate, damp kiss which she returned just as fervently.

Relief cascaded through her. She wasn't going to lose him today.

Any remaining shreds of the decorum the two had maintained over the course of their two-day journey faded rapidly into nothing, shattered by the overwhelming need for both to hold and be held, to love and be loved.

Their aborted intimacy from before was not to be stopped this time. Clothing fell in crumpled piles, removed by desperate hands and delicate fingers, each on a quest to reassure themselves and each other that they were not alone.

With their uniforms stripped away, their duties cast aside, they were no longer Romulan and Human. They were merely lovers partaking of each other, filling the room with the sounds of their joining.

~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes

@emilie786 @groovyqueer @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @rookietrek

@slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

[deepspacedukat]

The Defector (And His Doctor) - Part One

We all know why this happened. SOUP FOR THE SOUP GODS. This will be 2 definite chapters (with maybe an epilogue if I’m feeling particularly loquacious once chapter 2 is up). I followed the main story of this episode pretty closely, so if you haven’t seen ST:TNG S3E10 “The Defector” you have been warned that this contains major spoilers!

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Beverly Crusher (ST:TNG) x Alidar Jarok (ST:TNG)

[A/N: The second chapter will have smut, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Interspecies romance, spoilers for ST:TNG S3E10 “The Defector”, flirting, Jarok is a charmer, attraction at first sight, mention of injuries, but nothing too graphic, Jarok flirts with his doctor while she treats him, mild innuendo, brief sexual thoughts, Jarok swears in Klingon, Riker swears in Romulan.

~*~

**Day One**

Walking shakily off the transporter pad in his singed uniform, Admiral Alidar Jarok registered the presence of two Human Starfleet officers and one Klingon.

“I must see your Captain immediately,” he said wincing slightly. Talking made the burns on his face and neck sting with a ferocity he hadn’t experienced since his years in the field over a decade prior.

The Human officer with a beard spoke up as he moved to intercept the Romulan.

“We’ll take you to Sickbay,” the Human stated. Jarok noted three gold pips on his collar. Ah, he was a Commander, then. “After that–”

“This cannot wait! I have information vital to your survival,” the Admiral exclaimed, and the Commander looked at the Klingon officer. Why the delay? Did they think he had just been chased across the Neutral Zone by a warbird for the thrill of being pursued?

“Very well,” he said, reluctantly tapping his combadge. “Captain Picard and all senior staff, please report to the briefing room immediately. Riker out.”

When the Commander - Riker he’d said his name was - closed the channel, he turned back to Jarok and stood a little straighter.

“What’s your name and rank?”

Jarok had prepared for this. He’d spent time prior to the warbird’s pursuit devising a plausible cover story. He doubted that a Starfleet Captain would ever listen to Admiral Alidar Jarok, the Commanding Officer in charge of the Norkan Campaigns. He had it on good authority that the Federation had that set of battles listed as massacres, so he hoped they’d listen to a lesser man without his colorful history.

“I am Sub-lieutenant Setal, a logistics clerk for one sector,” he answered as the Commander escorted him out of the transporter room. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but Jarok had the nagging feeling that these Starfleet officers were going to be slow to listen. He only hoped he hadn’t put his faith in the wrong people.

--

“The humiliating defeat at the Battle of Cheron has not been forgotten. The new leaders have vowed to discard the treaty and claim the Neutral Zone,” Jarok warned, glancing meaningfully around the staff gathered at the conference table. “Nelvana Three is just the first step.”

“You’re saying an entire base has already been established there?” Riker’s skepticism was offensively obvious, but Jarok ignored it for the sake of making his point clear.

“In forty-eight hours, the reactor core will be online,” he confirmed, but none of the officers seemed convinced.

“So the Federation sensors that monitor the Neutral Zone just missed it?” The Commander asked, but Jarok showed no outward reaction.

“It would seem so. In two days, a fleet of Romulan ships will be within striking distance of fifteen Federation sectors,” the Admiral said, hoping the gravity of the situation would hit them quickly. The more time they wasted on this discussion, the less they would have to stop the base’s construction and prevent a war. War was the inevitable outcome of a move like this. Surely they were aware of that inescapable conclusion as he was?

“The Federation will not permit that,” the Klingon officer growled.

“Then it is war that we’re talking about, isn’t it?” Jarok interjected with a hint of impatience. “Destroy the base now and the threat is over.”

After a slightly tense pause, the Captain of the Enterprise spoke up.

“Well, I’m sure you are fatigued by your ordeal, and you require medical attention,” Picard stated. The Admiral blinked. “Lieutenant Worf, will you accompany Sub-lieutenant Setal to Sickbay? We will attend to your quarters.”

He was being dismissed already? But they had barely asked him anything at all!

“No doubt you will wish to question me further?” Jarok inquired, but the Captain seemed reluctant, despite the answering ‘no doubt’ that he was given in response. The Admiral followed Worf out of the briefing room, allowing his attention to shift to his curiosity about the Klingon’s presence in Starfleet on the flagship.

Vaguely, as they walked down the corridor, he heard the sound of his ship exploding from his auto-destruct sequence. It was done, then. This was truly his only refuge. He must make sure that his actions were worth the consequences.

As Jarok, Worf, and the security officer accompanying them entered the medical bay, the Romulan was ordered to stand near an empty biobed in the center of the room. He did as he was told, and after a moment’s wait, a Human woman with a head of hair resembling fire turned the corner carrying medical instruments. Their eyes met, and Jarok could do no more than blink in astonishment.

“Doctor Crusher, Sub-lieutenant Setal requires assistance,” the Klingon stated, and Jarok smiled as the woman he’d been admiring set all but one instrument on a nearby tray and made her way to him.

“My, what pretty doctors the Federation has,” the Romulan crooned as she gestured for him to have a seat. Perhaps his exile wouldn’t be as bad as he believed it would be.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to stand near exploding plasma conduits, Sub-lieutenant?” She teased as she scanned him with a medical tricorder.

“Oh, many times, but, unfortunately, in this instance it was unavoidable,” he murmured giving her a small smile. The movement stung his already burned face, but he didn’t care. He’d repeat it a thousand times if only to hear the lovely little huff of laughter that came from her as she shook her head and picked up another tool. Soft fingertips brushed against his cheek, steadying his head so that she could begin her work. “Have you ever been told, Doctor, that your touch alone could cure any ailment?”

“Oh, I’ve heard that once or twice over the years,” she said, and if Jarok wasn’t very much mistaken, he thought she rather enjoyed his praise.

“I’m willing to bet that this is the first time you’ve heard such a sentiment from a Romulan. Is that not so?” He asked glancing up at her to find a smile settled across those lovely lips of hers. He wanted to bite them, to feel them against his skin.

That impulse startled him somewhat. He’d only just met this woman! He couldn’t simply throw her atop an empty biobed and ravish her. Obviously, his ordeal with the warbird had unsettled him more than he’d supposed it might. He desperately needed to calm down.

“Perhaps,” she replied, but before they could speak further, the door to Sickbay hissed open to reveal an irritated Commander Riker.

“Your ship just exploded, Setal,” the Human ground out. Ah, they must have been preparing to board it as he’d predicted. He’d made the right decision, then.

“I set the auto-destruct sequence before I left the ship,” Jarok replied calmly as the Doctor moved farther to the side, giving them space to talk while she worked.

“Why?” What a foolish question! If this was the standard for a Federation Commander, then Jarok truly had chosen poorly.

“Wouldn’t you do the same to prevent your ship from being captured?”

Riker looked completely irate as he took half a step closer to the Romulan.

“Excuse me for being a little confused, Setal, but I thought you were defecting.” The accusation in the Human’s tone made Jarok bristle despite himself. Nevertheless, he forced his voice to hold onto some small measure of calm.

“I am not a traitor. All you can see is the opportunity to exploit me. The Federation credo: exploitation! You couldn’t get aboard my ship fast enough,” he murmured. “Strip it down! What secrets might it reveal that we can use? You are a short-sighted people.”

He felt Doctor Crusher’s gentle hands against his scalp trying to hold his head in place.

“Can’t you understand? I came to stop a war–”

“If you could just hold still?” The doctor’s gentle hands gripped his shoulder as he began to rise to his feet, and he looked reflexively over at her. By the Elements, she could tame a raging Klingon targ with those beautiful blue eyes! Unable to look away, he submitted to her request easily, resuming his seat just in time to earn him a smile from his lovely medic.

Oh, he wanted more of those from her...

As her instruments returned to work and he was forced to look away, she spoke again.

“With your metabolism, this will heal in a few minutes,” she estimated, but the Admiral thought he heard a hint of amazement in her tone. Was she as curious about his biology as he was about hers?

“Thank you, Doctor,” he replied turning to look at her again once she released her hold on his chin. “How fortunate that you know something of Romulan medicine.”

“Yes, I had a chance to gain some experience recently.” Her cryptic remark paired with a glance at the Klingon officer confirmed his suspicions.

“Ah, yes. The incident at Galorndon Core. The two officers...” He was going to compliment her on her technique and her obvious skill given the lack of further knowledge about his anatomy, but he was interrupted.

“You are aware of a great deal for a logistics clerk!” Worf growled accusingly, and Jarok’s jaw clenched.

“It was common knowledge. I can show you my rating code.”

“Forged credentials are a simple matter for a spy,” the Klingon stated, and Jarok smirked as he turned to face Riker.

“Why do you allow this Klingon petaQ to walk around in a Starfleet uniform?” Worf bristled beside him.

“You are lucky this is not a Klingon ship. We know how to deal with spies.”

Empty threats had never bothered him before, and this was no exception.

“Remove this tohzah from my sight,” Jarok ordered flippantly, waving his hand in dismissal.

“Your knowledge of Klingon curses is impressive, but as a Romulan might say, only a veruul would use such language in public,” Riker retorted, and Jarok glanced at the man curiously. How would a Human know his people’s profanity? They had so little contact, after all... “Mister Worf, please see to the security arrangements for our guest’s stay.”

After a long moment, Worf acknowledged the order and left Sickbay. The Romulan couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his lips.

“You find something amusing?” The Commander sounded slightly less than entertained himself.

“Lieutenant Worf. I like him. To be more precise, I understand him. He’s a warrior. Proud, fearless, living only for combat,” Jarok said as he stood. “Exactly the type that will get us all killed, if we’re not careful.”

Moments later, when Riker had escorted Jarok to his quarters and left him to his own devices, the Admiral couldn’t help but wonder how all of this would unfold. Checking that his felodesine chip was still in the hidden compartment of his boot where he’d stowed it before, he gazed out to the stars.

He was committed, now, to a path that was only partially lit in front of him as he walked upon it. Depending what he came upon as he forged his way forward, he would either be vindicated or...well, the other outcome lay in the palm of his hand in the form of a little orange disk.

--

As soon as Sub-lieutenant Setal had left the medical bay, Beverly noticed that Nurse Ogawa was stealing furtive glances at her. Oh no, she knew what that look meant. The women had been friends for too long for her not to.

“Something on your mind Alyssa?” The Doctor feigned ignorance, but the Cheshire grin that spread across the nurse’s lips was all the confirmation she needed about what was on her mind.

“Well, Doctor, I...I might be mistaken, but Setal seemed quite taken with you,” Ogawa said as she placed a few of the medical tricorders into their storage slots. “When you got him to sit back down, he looked at you as though he was seeing an angel.”

Beverly let that thought roll around in her mind for a moment, replaying the memory a few times. He had seemed somewhat more open than she’d expected. What surprised her, though, was his lack of argument when she asked him to stay still. He’d fought hard against practically everything that Will and Worf had said to him. Why would he acquiesce to her suggestions so easily?

“Perhaps he just knows not to argue with a medical professional,” Beverly stated brushing off Alyssa’s suggestion as if she had taken no pleasure in the way he’d looked at her.

“Picard to Crusher. I need you on the bridge, Doctor. Bring the results of Setal’s scans.”

Her musings would just have to wait for now. She tapped her combadge as she crossed to her office.

“Acknowledged, Captain. On my way.” Gathering the supplies that she needed, she met Jean-Luc at one of the science stations. He, Data, and Geordi were analyzing the sensor readings they’d taken when the Enterprise first encountered Setal’s ship. Geordi pointed out several moments when the warbird could have destroyed the Sub-lieutenant, but instead kept their distance.

“I don’t think they wanted to catch up,” La Forge said turning his visor toward Beverly who remained unconvinced.

“And yet they fired at the scout ship,” she pointed out as the icons of both the warbird and the smaller ship replayed their sequence again. “They could have killed him.”

“Not necessarily, Doctor,” Data said as he pointed out the trajectory of the shots. “The Romulans have the same capability to direct the impact of their weapons as we do.”

If that was true, then if they’d wanted to destroy Setal’s ship, they could’ve done so easily at any time. So...why didn’t they? Beverly didn’t like the answer to that question one bit.

“Is there a possibility the wound could be self-inflicted?” Picard asked as he looked at the Doctor. She’d known the Captain for so long that she couldn’t help but wonder if he could see what was going through her mind. Could he read her as easily as she felt like he could? Was it possible that he could tell how she was already beginning to feel about Setal? Her attraction to the Romulan felt like a brand positioned squarely over her face.

“They’re very bad burns. I hardly think–” A sterner look from Jean-Luc silenced her protests. As much as she liked Setal, she had to remain objective. There was still a chance that he was a spy sent to draw them into a war. That tactic wouldn’t be an uncommon one for his people.

“A possibility?” He asked quietly, and she could do no more than reluctantly nod her head. The realization felt like a splash of cold water dousing the small spark that had only just begun to form. When she climbed into bed that night, her dreams were filled with phaser fire, plasma burns, and a smiling Romulan Sub-lieutenant whispering sweet words while brandishing a knife behind his back.

~*~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani​ @android-boyfriends​ @attention-bajoranworkers​ @bigblissandlove1​ @darkmattervibes​ @emilie786​ @horta-in-charge​ @live-logs-and-proper​ @slutty-slutty-vulcans​ @starrynightgardens​ @toebeans-mcgee​

[deepspacedukat]

Diagnosis

...I was in a mood and my brain said unprovoked angst. In completely unrelated news, here’s a small drabble. Also, I just realized I didn’t specify the reader’s gender, so that’s an added perk for Koval Likers of all genders. :) Enjoy!

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Koval (ST:DS9) x Reader

[A/N: I don’t really have any useful notes, other than I was in a mood. Behold. The Mood.]

Warnings: Angst, established relationship, interspecies romance, Human/Romulan romance, discussion of a terminal illness, they’re idiots, they love each other, Koval isn’t very communicative, brief mentions of past torture.

~*~

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Only silence met my question, but I pressed stubbornly onward, ignoring my own spiral of emotions. The Chairman of the Tal Shiar stood with his hands clasped behind his back. “Did you think I wouldn’t care that you’re sick? That I wouldn’t want to help you?”

Koval and I shared a doctor, and she’d mentioned his diagnosis in an offhanded manner during my checkup today. Tuvan Syndrome. According to her, it was a degenerative neurological disease with no known cure. My husband had a terminal illness and he’d hidden it from me. I’d nearly fainted when she told me.

A few seconds passed in silence before he spoke.

“There is nothing you can do to help me. I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want to taint what little time we do have with pain.” Koval’s admission came out quieter than I’d ever heard him, and he stared resolutely out the viewport at the stars. “After the way our relationship began...you deserve someone who can give you a life free of anguish and despair.”

That was a day I remembered well. The Tal had taken me in for questioning concerning the whereabouts of some missing Senator. Unfortunately for both of us, I knew nothing about his disappearance. In the midst of my interrogation - mid-scream, in fact - a Centurion had come in and handed a report to Koval detailing who the real culprit was. He’d shut off the torture device instantly and tended to me with a surprising amount of care for a Romulan spy master.

“Y’know, you’re pretty sexy for a guy who wanted to turn my brain to mush a few minutes ago.” I couldn’t recall saying anything of the sort, but Koval swore up and down that I had just before passing out. He’d teased me mercilessly about that over the years.

Carefully, I placed a hand on his shoulder and coaxed him into turning around.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you gave me up and sought a new partner...” The tear sliding down his cheek sent a jolt of alarm through me. Reaching up, I brushed it away with my thumb and drew him into a hug. Koval didn’t hesitate to hold me close, but a long moment passed before he buried his face in the crook of my neck. “I can no longer give you what you deserve.”

“Nobody gets to tell me what I deserve, e’lev. All I want is to be with you for whatever time is given to us. You told me Romulans mate for life. I understood that commitment when I agreed to marry you,” I stated with unequivocal determination. “Would you really expect me to give up on the man I love so easily after I pledged him my life?”

“I am no longer a worthy mate–”

“Hush. Despite your authority with the Tal, Mr. Chairman, that’s not a decision you get to make. Only I decide who is worthy of me.” He let out a quiet huff of laughter and pulled back to graze his lips against mine for barely a breath. Despite my forehead resting against his and my arms around his torso, Koval sighed heavily.

“I told you not to fall in love with me...that I would only end up hurting you.”

“I could never have just walked away. You know that.”

“Of course I did. Beautiful, stubborn, little Human. Instead, you made me fall in love with you in return. A cruel but fitting punishment...more than I could ever have dreamed of,” he murmured as he grabbed my hips and pulled me closer. “Now both our hearts are vulnerable. Your pain and joy are both mine, just as mine are yours.”

“I think you’ve just made my point for me, deyhhan. We’re one. We will face this head on, just as we’ve faced everything else that has come our way.”

We had indeed faced quite a bit of opposition when the Chairman of the Tal Shiar had chosen to take a Human as his spouse. Koval had fought for me, then. He’d protected me from several attempts to...remove me, since I was perceived as a problem by certain groups. He’d stood by me without faltering.

Now it was time for me to stand by him.

“It seems, my dear, that it is you who will outlive me,” he murmured, but I shook my head.

“Not if I have anything to say about it. You’re not the only one with contacts, sweetheart. I know quite a few medical personnel who might be able to help in some way,” I explained, and he raised an eyebrow. “What, did you think I’d learned nothing from you over the years?”

With a fond little hum, Koval threaded our fingers together, sending fuzzy warmth up my spine. My eyelids fluttered closed just as his lips met mine.

[deepspacedukat]

Safe Haven - Part Three

We’re here!!! We finally got to the part that has the scene from my dream in it!! I’ll put a note at the end to say which scene it was, but yeah! Enjoy! And thank you for taking this impromptu three-part ride with me! 💖

Also, for those of you on my taglist, I’m so sorry. I promise I’m not trying to spam you all. I’m just posting a lot because SoC and random plot bunnies.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

S’Talon (OC) x Reader

[A/N: Implied smut/smut adjacent, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Interspecies romance, angst, flirtation, cuddling, kissing, angst with a happy ending, implied interspecies sex, implied Human/Romulan sex.

~*~

S’Talon had caught her looking, he was sure of it. For once, any forwardness on his part was entirely an accident, but he was certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that she had glanced down intentionally.

A week after S’Talon discovered his labor of love in his hostess’s library, the subject matter of said painting reminded him that he had never asked about the water he kept hearing. He brought it up to her one evening, and she told him about the small creek snaking through the woods near the house. The narrow body of water apparently led to a crystal clear lake with a small beach along a section of the shore.

In the early afternoon the next day, he’d gone to the lake, stripped down, and dove in for a swim. It had been too long since the last time he’d gone skinny dipping, so he remained there longer than he’d anticipated. The cool water felt rejuvenating as it welcomed him into its depths, caressing him as gently as a lover as he swam deeper. Bright sunlight trickled through the trees and across the water, creating an idyllic scene as his head burst through the lake’s surface so he could breathe.

Shaking the water from his eyes, S’Talon blinked and caught sight of a figure on the shore near his clothing with a couple of towels slung over their arm.

Ah. He knew he’d forgotten something. He swam to lake’s edge and began to climb out before he remembered his state of undress. She seemed to realize he wasn’t wearing anything when the tops of his nude hips became visible, because she offered him one of the towels she’d brought. At the last moment, though, she glanced down as he approached, then quickly looked away biting her lip.

S’Talon couldn’t help the ego boost he got from her reaction. He was very aware that he wasn’t lacking in stature with any part of his anatomy, but it still felt good to know that she was impressed.

“Thank you. Are you alright, lhhei?” He asked as he draped the towel around his waist.

“Oh, I...you’d been gone for a while, and I just noticed you didn’t bring any towels with you, so I...yeah. I’ll uh...I’ll set the extras with your clothes and leave you to it,” she said before rushing back in the direction of the house. Perhaps one day - if he was extremely lucky - he’d be able to convince her to swim with him...

--

For a couple of days after that, their contact was somewhat more limited and subdued than before. S’Talon couldn’t help but wonder if she’d been more embarrassed than he had supposed by the incident at the lake. When he was preparing to go to bed one night, though, he smelled something somewhat familiar.

What was that? It was sweet...warm...even a little sugary. How odd. Slipping on a pair of sleep pants, the Riov padded quietly out of his bedroom and went to investigate.

When he caught sight of his hostess, he saw her staring pensively at the painting he’d completed for her. The majestic firefalls of Gal Gath’thong now hung proudly over the mantle above her fireplace, seemingly flickering and flowing in the light low, warm lighting of its own accord.

Something was wrong, though. Her brow was furrowed. She’d been so appreciative of the painting when he’d presented it to her that he was quite certain that whatever was troubling her didn’t have anything to do with the artwork. What could it be, then?

The mug in her hands was half-empty, but his nose told him that the liquid within was the source of the scent he’d detected only moments prior. It smelled almost like chocolate. What could she be doing drinking such a strong intoxicant at such a late hour?

Her eyes widened a bit when she noticed him standing in the doorway to the living area in nothing more than a pair of soft sleep pants. He hadn’t intended to bother her, especially not shirtless. Slowly, carefully, S’Talon made his way to the sofa and took a seat beside her, glancing from the mug to her face.

“What could be serious enough to drive a lady like you to drink alone?” He asked in a low, gentle voice. Even he could hear the concern lying beneath the surface of his words, but she simply looked amused.

“Chocolate may behave like alcohol for Romulans, S’Talon, but it doesn’t for Humans,” she murmured as a smile crept across her lips. “For me, this is nothing more than something warm and sweet.”

Oh, right. He’d forgotten that little biological difference. Humans really were remarkable. They had a third of a Romulan’s strength, yet they could stomach a large mug of warmed chocolate without so much as it lowering their inhibitions.

“Then...may I ask if you’re alright? You looked troubled a moment ago...” Curiosity permeated him in the wake of his relief. She took a leisurely sip of her drink before answering.

“Whenever I had something serious on my mind when I was growing up, my grandmother would make us hot chocolate and talk it through with me. Sometimes all I needed was someone to listen while I talked my own way through the issue,” she explained, and S’Talon tilted his head curiously as he turned to face her a bit more fully. So something had been on her mind.

“If there is anything I can do to help, I assure you, dear lady, I’m the soul of discretion. Anything you tell me or ask of me will remain entirely confidential,” the Riov promised, and she looked at him with an unreadable expression.

Taking the final sip from her mug, she set it aside and scooted close enough to lean her head against his bare shoulder. Her arms wrapped loosely around his bicep as she took a deep breath. S’Talon’s heart thudded faster in his side, and he rested his chin softly against the top of her head as his hand covered one of hers.

“You just being here is enough,” she murmured, and S’Talon smiled against the top of her head. If this was what she needed from him, he would happily oblige. In fact, there was very little he would refuse her, at this point.

He’d spent a significant amount of time sorting through his feelings, wondering what the hell she was doing to him. By the time he finally realized what was happening, it was too late to go back.

Riov S’Talon - the man said to be almost impossible to tie down - was in love. This wasn’t the same type of appreciation he’d felt for his past lovers, oh no. This was deeper. This tugged at his soul and consumed him as quickly and fully as a fire would a forest’s underbrush. He’d been so happy every time a friend had found the person who completed them, but he never thought that he’d be fortunate enough to find the one who would make him feel as though all of him was visible and desirable...

But he had.

He had no idea how long they stayed tangled up like that, but eventually he felt her shift against his arm. Looking down, S’Talon’s eyes met hers, and the soft expression on her face stole his breath away. Could she feel the growing tension between them too? Did she want to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss her? Would she kiss him?

Her free hand reached up, cupping his cheek softly as she sat up. She didn’t move away immediately, and S’Talon’s heart leapt. Was this it? From his experience, that look from a partner usually meant they wanted to kiss him. Badly.

“...Thank you for your company tonight, but it’s getting late. I should get to bed before I fall asleep on you. I wouldn’t want to trap you here,” she breathed, and then she was on her feet, putting her empty mug back in the replicator before he could so much as find his voice to protest. She didn’t have to. He’d welcome her using him as a pillow anytime. He would adore her falling asleep on him. She’d been so gentle and soft in his arms. “Goodnight, S’Talon.”

“Goodnight, e’lev lhhei,” he murmured, noting how rough his voice sounded. When she disappeared down the hall and into her bedroom, the Riov felt more bereft than he had in all his life. All he’d done was not receive a kiss when he thought that he would. Why did he feel like he was crumbling into pieces?

This love was dangerous, and that realization didn’t bode well for his eventual departure. Rubbing his hands down his face, he sighed heavily. He was doomed. This woman was going to break his heart, and he had no idea how he was going to put it back together afterward.

--

When S’Talon finally forced himself out of bed a few mornings later, he spent a few moments watching the rain trickle down the window panes. He hadn’t slept that night. In fact, he hadn’t slept for any of the three nights since he mistakenly thought his beautiful companion was going to kiss him. That moment kept replaying over and over in his mind’s eye, driving him nearly to the brink of insanity. The gentle, affectionate look in her eyes...the soft caress of her skin against his as she touched him...

Had it really only been gratitude? Every instinct within him screamed that it was more, but if it had been, surely she would have kissed him as he’d hoped...wouldn’t she? She didn’t seem like the type of person to shrink away from a challenge. Then again, perhaps she was intimidated by him. If her reaction down at the lake was anything to go by, that could very well be the case.

It was more likely, though, that she simply didn’t share his feelings.

What a foolish old man he was! He shouldn’t have hoped that his feelings were reciprocated. After all, he’d be gone soon. Surely she wouldn’t want to subject herself to the same heartbreak that he would undoubtedly experience at his departure.

The thought that troubled him the most, though, was that he didn’t want to leave at all. With increasing frequency over the last week, the Riov found himself seriously tempted to stay with his lovely woman on this gorgeous planet. This felt like a major crossroads for S’Talon - one that he didn’t yet know how to approach.

As he always did when he was approaching a difficult question, S’Talon turned to his art for an answer.

Sighing heavily, the Romulan Captain dressed in a tunic that his hostess had replicated for him the day he arrived. The soft fabric was somewhere between slate blue and gray, bringing out the depth of color in his eyes. There was a pair of pants that complemented it, and he realized rather belatedly that there was an inherent sentimentality in his choice. She had replicated that outfit for him. Though the sleeves were a little long, she had believed that this color would look good on him.

He really was in over his head.

Truth be told, S’Talon enjoyed the feeling of someone caring enough to put real thought into something that was meant for him. Though she likely didn’t care for him the way he wished that she did, he still savored the feeling of the soft fabric caressing his skin.

Grabbing his sketchbook and charcoal, he wandered out of his room and toward the back porch in the hopes that the soothing natural rhythm of the rain would help him relax and distract him from his troubled thoughts. Maybe then, his subconscious would be able to sort out what he should do.

As he opened the door, though, his breath caught in his throat. On one end of the loveseat was the very woman who had practically made a home in his mind. When she looked up at him seemingly unaware that he’d been there for several long moments, S’Talon cleared his throat quietly, giving her a small smile in an attempt to appear more confident than he felt.

“May I join you, my lady? I find it soothing to sketch during a gentle rain.”

She smiled up at him and patted the seat next to her in invitation.

“Of course. What’s mine is yours, S’Talon,” she murmured, and the Riov thanked her, sitting beside her as she’d indicated.

The pair lapsed into silence, enjoying the sound of raindrops trickling down from the heavens and onto the ground below. The rustling of leaves in the wind added an almost musical quality to the atmosphere, and, with a particularly swirling gust, S’Talon made up his mind about what he wanted to draw.

As surreptitiously as he could manage, he stole glances at his companion, carving out her visage in profile on the page, even including the book that lay closed atop her lap. Gradually, he shut off his mind and began to lose himself in his art, creating the strands of her hair and the curve of her eyelashes with the ease of his many decades of experience.

The shape of her lips, the gentle slope of her neck as she reclined easily with the use of the small ottoman in front of her...S’Talon brought every part of her to life upon the page in front of him. He worked with such focus that by the time he’d filled the pair of pages in front of him with sketches of her, he couldn’t be sure just how much time had passed.

Just as he always did when he drew himself out of an intense sketching session, S’Talon felt as though he was waking from a dream...as though he had come back to reality from a land filled only with flicks of the wrist and smears of black and gray. He set his charcoal carefully into his sketchbook and allowed himself the rare luxury of observing his lovely companion unfettered.

Apparently, she hadn’t noticed yet that he’d stopped. He’d observed her before, of course, but usually he had the excuse of being in conversation with her. Now, though, he had no such reasoning to hide his interest in her. He wanted so desperately to reach out and touch her...to coax her into his arms and confess everything he felt for her, but he knew that wasn’t feasible.

He already knew that when he left, his heart would be torn in half by the loss of her. S’Talon didn’t want to give her any reason to experience the same pain. As much as he wanted her to feel the same, he didn’t want her to be hurt at his hands, physically or emotionally. If she was, he knew he could never forgive himself. She’d been so kind and generous and welcoming. How could he justify risking her heart, too? Surely he would experience enough heartbreak for the both of them–

The Riov blinked and she was looking at him. Her lovely, much-too-clever eyes were staring right into his soul, likely dissecting his feelings as easily as she dismantled encryption codes. Of course, he supposed that hadn’t exactly been subtle. He was quite certain that his feelings were plainly written upon his face - longing and love were undoubtedly obvious in his expression. He couldn’t hide it.

Alarmingly, he didn’t want to hide it anymore.

Looking down at his sketchbook, surprise flitted over her face as she realized that she had been the subject of his artistic endeavors on this rainy morning. Her eyes flicked back up to his, and she reached carefully over, rubbing her thumb over his cheek as she mumbled something about a charcoal smudge.

S’Talon knew she was just being helpful, but he couldn’t stop himself. He leaned into her gentle touch, allowing his eyelids to flutter shut for a moment before he caught her hands in his and brought them to his lips. Taking a shaky breath, he opened his eyes from his stolen moment of bliss just in time to see her swallow nervously and get to her feet.

His heart almost stopped in his side. Had he scared her away?

Instead of leaving, though, she set his sketching materials and her book aside  and took a tentative seat sideways on his lap. She braced her hands on his broad shoulders and was unfazed when he steadied her with his large, strong hands.

S’Talon could scarcely believe that this was real. Was he truly awake? His hostess looked as surprised by her own boldness as he felt.

“E’lev...you have no idea how much I want to kiss you,” he breathed, using the last of his restraint to hold himself back. This had to be her choice. He wouldn’t rush this. No matter how far they’d come or what he could infer from her behavior, this had to be her decision. He wouldn’t risk her heart with his own foolish wishes. If the flames of desire were to be fanned between them, he couldn’t be the one to start it. Not this time. She had to actively choose to take this risk.

And she did. One moment S’Talon was awestruck by the sight of the woman he loved in his arms, and the next, her soft, beautiful lips were against his. He kissed her back - of course he did - and she stole his thoughts and discipline all at once when she let out a quiet whimper against his lips. Wrapping one arm around her waist to pull her closer, the Riov wove his free hand into her hair near the base of her skull, trying to convey how much he felt for her with just his lips.

He didn’t rush her, didn’t change her pace, instead he simply met her passion with own. Eventually, they broke apart for breath, and S’Talon cupped her face as lightly as he could, dropping gentle kisses against her forehead, her eyelids, and her nose with all the tenderness he could muster.

When their lips met again, he could taste salt. Were those his tears or hers? Both, perhaps?

His curiosity was obliterated by the feeling of her fingers fumbling with the front of his tunic. Sweeping her up into his arms, the Riov carried his lover inside. She deserved to have their first time together be in a bed where he could spread her out and truly worship her.

Several hours later, having accomplished exactly that multiple times, S’Talon and his lady love were tangled up in each other, basking in the afterglow of the most intense orgasms of their lives. Her small, delicate fingers traced nonsensical patterns over his chest through the silvery hair that covered his pecs when he heard her sniffle.

It took him a moment to process what he’d heard, but when she sniffled a second time, alarm coursed through him.

“Sweet girl...Oh, e’lev, what’s wrong?” S’Talon asked as he gently kissed away her tears. “Have I hurt you?”

She shook her head, allowing him to wrap her in his arms and hold her close.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered against his chest, and before the Riov could ask what she meant, she continued quickly as if confessing to a crime. “I know this probably isn’t what you wanted. You probably have lady friends in every system, and this is likely just another affair to you, but I...S’Talon, I think I’m in love with you.”

Was he dreaming? She’d deduced rather early on that he was something of a lady’s man and a flirt, joking that he probably charmed every woman he came across, and he hadn’t dissuaded her of the notion. She was essentially correct, but he hadn’t realized that that particular fact had been causing her such consternation and anxiety. Was this what she’d been so troubled by the night he found her sipping hot chocolate and staring off into nothingness? Had she been afraid that he couldn’t return her affections because of his past?

Nothing could be further from the truth. He’d been grateful that she’d felt attracted to him in the first place, but for her to feel the same way he did...S’Talon knew he’d been given a miraculous gift. He just needed to ensure that she knew that, too.

With tears brimming in his own eyes, S’Talon pulled back just far enough to kiss his lover with all the emotion that had been pounding away inside his chest.

“You’re...not mad at me?” A small, damp laugh escaped him before he could stop it, and he kissed her forehead.

“Of course not. In fact, I’ll let you in on a secret,” he murmured, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “I love you, too, e’lev. I love you with all that I am.”

If the soft kisses she peppered across his face were any indication, they’d been sharing the same emotional torment. Her lips met his, and they twined together once more, reveling in the relief that they were both equally smitten with each other.

--

The weeks that followed were as idyllic as a dream. Melting into each other over and over, S’Talon and his lover lived as though they’d always been together and would be inseparable for the rest of their lives.

But they both knew in the backs of their minds that time was an imminent threat. Beneath all the sweet, romantic words, the kisses and caresses, there was the sobering knowledge that soon the Dhaemnasi would expect his Riov to come back to Romulus. Every moment, every second that passed drew them just that much closer to their hearts shattering irreparably, but neither of them would change their decision to be together for anything.

Finally, one morning while they were laying in bed together catching their breath, S’Talon realized there might be a way to delay time, even if he couldn’t stop it.

“E’lev, you get assignments from the Tal, occasionally. Do you have a secure commlink to Koval that I can use?” S’Talon murmured, and his little lover kissed her way softly across his cheek.

“I’ll set it up for you,” she promised before slipping out of his arms and grabbing a robe to do just that. How had he gotten so lucky? Mere moments later, he stood fully dressed in front of the comm screen and watched Koval’s face appear.

“Status report, Riov,” the Dhaemnasi ordered, and S’Talon obliged him, giving him a perfunctory nod of his head.

“The mission went without incident. There were no unanticipated problems or consequences,” he stated, and Koval lifted an eyebrow.

“There are still two weeks left before you return. If there were no complications, then what, may I ask, is the purpose of your communication?”

After a final, minor hesitation and a deep, steadying breath, S’Talon looked at his old friend and prayed that he would understand the significance of what he was about to do.

“I wish to request a leave of absence. It has been over a decade since I have taken more than a short pause between missions. As such, I should have a significant amount of time accumulated,” the Riov said watching as Koval tilted his head. “I realize this isn’t exactly the most convenient request that I could make, but...”

“A leave of absence? Are you certain, old friend? For a man of your standing such a break would not harm your career, but you’ve always been so enthusiastic and dedicated,” the Chairman said adopting a slightly more relaxed posture in his chair. “What happened?”

Allowing his own posture to slacken by a fraction, he leaned back against the desk behind him.

“I...believe I may have found something unique here, something...that I desperately need to explore.” Raising a placating hand, S’Talon cut off the other man’s objections before he could voice them. “I’m quite certain I know what you’re thinking, and no, I am not asking for this leave time in order to conduct a mere fling. I would never shirk my responsibilities for something temporary. This time...Koval, I have never felt a connection like this. Perhaps this sounds melodramatic, but there is a part of my very being that is screaming for me to pursue this, and if I don’t, I feel as though I’ll die. My old friend, you know I would never make a request like this unless it was for a good reason.”

S’Talon watched as his friend steepled his fingers. Silence stretched between them for longer than he’d expected, and just when he was certain he’d made a mistake even hoping for a positive reaction, Koval nodded his head.

“How long?”

The Riov could barely believe he’d gotten this far.

“Long enough to determine what she and I should do. If I recall correctly, I think I have over half a year of leave time built up, so...maybe two of those months?” S’Talon suggested, and Koval shook his head.

“No, that simply won’t do,” the Dhaemnasi said, and S’Talon’s heart plummeted. “Take three instead.”

Looking up sharply, he was quite certain that surprise was etched across his face.

“Pardon?”

“Take three months of leave. That should be sufficient time for you both to determine if you wish to truly pursue this, and if you do, you’ll also have time to consider how you will make such a relationship possible.” S’Talon could hardly believe what he was hearing. “Did you truly believe I would refuse you? I’ll handle the details. Now, go. Be with your mate. If you need anything else, you know where to find me.”

The Riov barely had time to stammer out his gratitude before the Dhaemnasi terminated the connection. He was free. Shutting off the terminal, S’Talon walked out of his lover’s study and found her humming a quiet tune as she poured tea into two mugs for them. He wasted no time in striding over to her and setting the teapot aside as he crushed his lips against hers.

“He said yes,” he breathed between kisses, and she threw her arms around his shoulders. “He must’ve been afraid of angering his best hacker. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for a while, e’lev lhhei.”

“Oh, what a terrible shame,” she teased as he lifted her onto the countertop and stepped between her legs. Her fingers wove into his graying hair and S’Talon joyfully accepted her affection. They would have time to discuss their options and their future, but first, he wanted to make the woman he loved scream his name again.

~*~*~

Taglist:

@android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes @emilie786 @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

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For those who are interested, the scene from my dream was the one where S’Talon joins the reader on the porch during the rain shower and sketches her. It was from my perspective, and I woke up right before I could try to wipe the charcoal smudge off his cheek, though. 😭 So now you know what drove me to the brink of insanity.