#Hot girl summer? Nah it's Jackass Summer

[dickinfectionbez]

This summer I am going to imitate my idols, Steve-O & Johnny Knoxville and do everything they have done and will do.

[chil2de]

How are you today? If its alright with you, can I request a Atsumu x fem reader where she has a super tomboy style and ALWAYS wears baggy clothes, but one day atsumu comes over to hang out and the only outfit she has left is kinda a tight fitting shirt and for the first time ever Atsumu realizes just how curvy his girlfriend is

sorry if thats to specific! feel free to ignorethis!

warning - miya atsumu x reader

hiii! i’m doing okay anonie, thank you and i hope u are faring well!!! so um this ended up being a LOT longer than i expected pls forgive me it was supposed to be a cute lil drabble but now its like uh 2k words aJdhfhhd, i really loved this idea!!! don’t worry ab it being too specific i actually like that and it helps give me a general idea about the req

well whilst this isn’t tooooo nsfw there are a few small themes in the beginning + swearing since i write atsumu like that and implications of sexual content ig at the end but aside from that? just some fluff for our fav king. characters are aged up and i am unsure how it would work but call it anime logic and enjoy! thanks for requesting! (okay rereading the ending is lowkey smut why am i like this)

“b-cup.” atsumu huffed with confidence. he took a large swig out of his water bottle, nodding his head wisely in affirmation.

“really? i’d say c-cup.” suna chimed in, his half-lidded gaze narrowing.

“nah, it’s b-cup”

“what the hell are you two talking about?” osamu interjected, concern and disgust thick on his features as he came over carrying a few towels.

“(y/n)’s bra size” suna nonchalantly responded, his eyes flicking up for a few seconds as he accepted the towel from osamu.

“‘tsumu i knew you were messed in the head but, suna? have you caught his germs?”

“fuck are you making it sound like i have some viral disease?”

“you don’t?” suna snorted, plopping down onto the floor to sit cross-legged.

“why don’t you just ask her?” osamu’s gaze flickered onto yours from across the court. you felt your ears burn from the way the three of them were staring at you.

was something on your face?

a bug? dirt?

“huh? like i’m supposed to say, hey baby girl, what size are your tits?”

“i’m still saying b-cup”

“c-cup”

“i think b-cup” osamu joined in, watching atsumu screw his face at him

“you goddamn hypocrite-“ “who’s being a hypocrite?” kita inquired with a half-hushed tone, making his way over with a few protein bars

“oh my god i’m going home” atsumu groaned, resting his palms on his knees as he stood up. he beelined towards you, his exhaustion painted his lazy smile beautifully. he still had the energy to turn around over his shoulder and flip his middle finger up at his team whilst his right hand snaked around to your waist.

somewhere around your waist. it took him a little bit of digging through all the fabric.

it didn’t matter to him, though. as much of a jackass as he might’ve been, he never judged you for the way you dressed. even if it meant that sometimes you looked a lil bit homeless, at the end of the day- he still had that glimmer in his eyes whenever he saw you.

you would be his favourite baby girl, no matter what.

“is that my shirt you’re wearing?” he hummed, glancing down to look at it.

it was, in fact, one of his shirts. it was matte black in colour, with a small dip that would showcase atsumu’s collar bones. it was a little bit faded from the many wash cycles it endured throughout its lifetime, but he would always notice the small tear in the bottom right section of the fabric.

“sorryyy, i know you just washed it but it smelled so nice. also, wow, did you put on deodorant? you actually smell like a man it’s kinda creepy”

“i always put on deodorant you dipshit, you’re always crying about how pretty my face looks so your nose doesn’t pick up the scent. it’s verbena citrus, buy your own because i know you’ll try stealing mine so i’m putting a padlock on that shit.” atsumu scoffed, digging his fingers into your sides to tickle you as you walked. you squirmed, swatting him away as you dug your hands into the pockets of your joggers. they were not atsumu’s, unfortunately, for you found out the hard way that you would literally have to drag the excess fabric behind you like some train dress or bundle it up and fold it, which, in retrospect- did not look too aesthetically pleasing. you settled for your own joggers and favourite high-top sneakers to match.

“you know you’ll say all this but give me your deodorant anyway, right?” you stuck your tongue out at him. he rolled his eyes, ruffling your hair.

“hey.” he called out, causing you to direct your attention towards him.

he nudged your arm with his elbow.

oh.

“give it here.”

you uncurled your left hand out of your pocket, zipping it up to make sure the contents inside didn’t spill. atsumu slid his right hand away from your waist and opened his palm up, intertwining his fingertips between yours into a tight lock. he grazed his thumb over the back of your hand, giving you a small squeeze.

“that was the cheesiest and most corniest thing you’ve done and i hated it” you made a mock gagging sound, averting your gaze.

you could feel the blush fresh on your cheeks, heart pounding in your chest like it was about to explode.

“wait, you thought i was holding your hand because we’re dating? i’m just doing it because i know your dumbass would get lost” atsumu snorted, throwing his head back in laughter.

well,

you could still see the light blush tinting his cheeks. and it wasn’t the sunset.

“mmm, should i wear this one- wait-“ you grabbed the shirt, folding it upwards as you took a small whiff. well,, you did wear it yesterday… yeah, you did put it in the laundry basket,,, no, it didn’t smell toooo bad, but..

you groaned, tossing it back into said basket as you furrowed your brows in concentration.

you heard the doorbell ring which only caused you to panic even further. you just needed a shirt. literally any shirt. you were about to cut your freaking pants out and sew them together to another pair for a shirt.

since it was a friday, you had atsumu walk you halfway home. you only lived a street away from him, and the apartment was conveniently built on a fork between the road down to his house and the supermarket. hence, he dropped you off and went to the store all by himself like a responsible adult to grab some snacks for the weekend.

“it’s open!” you called out, leaning your jaw back as you shouted in hopes for your voice to travel further.

in that moment, just in the corner of your eye- you saw a familiar flash of black.

you swooped the fabric up, quietly humming in pleasure when it smelled like laundry detergent and fabric softener.

you lifted the shirt over your head, struggling to pull it down for a few seconds.

you admired yourself briefly in the mirror.

it was a casual t-shirt. it reached down to the middle portion of your arms, though it was significantly less baggy than all of your other clothes. you liked to sleep in it during hot and stuffy summer nights, but rarely found yourself using it otherwise.

it’s not like you didn’t like these kinds of shirts.

but when given the option to look “stylish” or comfortable, who wouldn’t pick comfortable? that’s what was important to you above all. clothes that made you feel like you were constantly in bed were a godsend from the heavens.

“hey dipshit, i spent twenty minutes jumping stores for you but no one sold any (favourite drink) so i got you-“ atsumu halted in his steps, the grocery bags curled around his fists were suddenly forgotten and discarded as he caught sight of you through the doorframe.

you were clad in a pair of old white shorts and a black t-shirt, complimentary of the fact that everything else was currently in the laundry machine. atsumu could outline every single damn crevice and dip on you, and he burned that shit so deep into his retinas that he would still see it when his eyes were closed.

he felt his breath hitch, something deep inside him resonating, growing feral like hunger.

he still stood by what he said,

baggy clothes or not, you were beautiful.

but he wasn’t expecting this

“so you bought what?” you inquired, twisting your torso halfway to greet him as you finished brushing through some knots in your hair at the vanity.

“huh?”

“you said there wasn’t any (favourite drink) so you got what? did you fall and crack your head open on the way here? cause it looks like it”

you could feel your heart squeeze, body temperature increased twofold as icy hot waves wracked every inch of your skin. there was a cold sweat that rolled down the back of your knees.

“shut the hell up, i hate you” atsumu grumbled, forcing himself to turn away from you and stomp off to the kitchen with a pout.

“jesus christ give me strength i hate this woman, where the hell does she get off thinking she can get away with looking so good like that” atsumu mumbled incoherent curses underneath his breath, shakily unloading everything he bought out onto the counter and stuffing the groceries into cabinets and the fridge.

“‘samu, i hate you but dude i need twin telepathy, give me strength so i don’t deck this woman right here right now” he cursed, gritting his teeth. his self-control was about to fly out the window.

“you okay?” you popped your head through the door, leaning into the kitchen.

he could see the outline of your prominent collarbones, the way the shirt still fell a little bit and hung loosely off of your frame. he could see the start of your stomach.

god, it should’ve been illegal the way he wanted to grab your thighs. he wondered for a second what it would look like with his fingerprints etched into your skin there.

“want a few tissues and some lotion?” you snorted, nestling up beside him to help. you gazed at him, watching him keep his eyes narrowed on the packet of pistachios he was fumbling with.

you thought it was cute.

“listen- if you’re not ready yet then i’d suggest that you find something else to wear cause holy shit if you don’t get away from me right now i swear i will not restrain myself-“

“i’m ready” you hummed, giving him an innocent smile. you toyed with your hands behind your back, fiddling with them as butterflies swept your abdomen.

atsumu snorted, eyebrows creasing in confusion. he turned to face you, setting the pistachios down.

“alright i’m not saying this to boost my ego, but, what did you say?”

“i said i’m ready”

you watched his brain stir, gears ticking and turning like clockwork.

atsumu let out a low sigh.

“yeah, yeah. well, then.”

his right hand slammed against the wall, caging you in. he leaned into you, looming over you as his half-lidded eyes burned holes inside your soul. you felt the air tense and switch around him, carnal desires swirling behind his gaze. his chest was so close to yours, practically flush, save for the tiniest gap. you could literally feel his heart hammering.

he was so invasive, so close, yet so respectful. he still kept his distance, just n case you changed your mind.

“are you sure this is what you want?” his voice was hot and slick against the shell of your ear, voice husky and octaves deeper. you could feel the sexual tension dripping from him.

you wrapped your arms around his neck, resting your forehead against him.

“i’m sure, ‘tsumu.”

a loud chuckle ripped from the depths of his chest. it was so hearty, and fuck, it made you clench.

atsumu swooped you up all in one swift motion, hands hooking underneath your thighs as he shoved you against the counter. he sent everything clattering and thudding in the process.

“don’t say i didn’t warn you, doll.”

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

The Sweetest Taste

AU Ice Cream Shop Featuring Cake for the 5sos fic event sponsored by @maluminspace and @h0tsos

Word Count: 5,979 (I’m a long winded bitch, oops)

CW: this is smut so 18+, NSFW etc. M/M and M/F oral as well as sexual situations and strong language from the outset and throughout.

Special thanks to @adoring-lrh for helping me edit this monstrosity.

Event Masterlist

"I'm so bored," Calum complained, leaning back against the counter. 

"Me too, but I have to train you how to close so you're not leaving early," you told him but you were just as bored as him. 

Your parents had recently expanded the family business by opening up a second Cali-Cone Dream location in the touristy "historic district" downtown. Your dad's grandparents started the ice cream shop after moving to California from Missouri after World War 2.  They'd invested their life savings in the shop and helped build the boardwalk. You’d grown up in this shop, and since it was early in the season and still slow, it was up to you to train the new hires. It was a pain in the ass, but at least your parents weren't breathing down your neck. 

"If you keep complaining I'll make you clean the freezer. You'll have shrinkage for a week," you teased him. 

"Like you wouldn't find a way to fix that," he shot back, wiggling his dark eyebrows at you. 

Calum was the only new hire you liked. Jeremy was a kiss ass to your parents, Rico was boring, and Amanda was dumber than a bag of hammers. The smartest thing to come out of that girl's mouth was her boyfriend's dick. You'd already told your Mom it wasn't going to work out when you'd asked her to cut lemons for tea and she came back with oranges. Calum, however, was funny, a quick learner, and great with customers, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous.

"How is it only 3 o clock? Can we play cards or something? If I stand here much longer I'm gonna keep eating ice cream, and this is supposed to be my hot girl summer," he pouted before giving you a saucy wink. He was a total flirt and you weren't complaining. Three weeks ago he'd barely said a word, but you two had become fast friends and he'd really come out of his shell. 

"I don't think you have to worry about that," you laughed.

 The dark blue, slightly too tight, uniform t-shirt accentuated his bulging biceps, broad chest, and golden brown tan. The Cali-Cone slogan, "The Thrill of the Taste" scrawled across his back in bright red letters kept giving you dirty thoughts. 

"We could close early, maybe show me another of your secret spots." Calum leaned towards you with a smirk and you rolled your eyes.

 A week ago you'd gotten tired of him whining that there was nothing to do now that the college bars were dead since most students went home for the summer. You'd taken him out with you after you closed up shop. You'd avoided the popular rowdy country bar, and the dark thumping underground hip hop club, choosing instead to head for the beach. You took him to a spot under the boardwalk past the large boulders known as "The Breakers" where the local police patrols usually stopped.

You brought your beach bag and a popup tent you could both lounge in so bugs wouldn't eat you alive. He'd managed to sweet talk a bottle of wine out of his landlady, who knew he was only 20. It wasn't very strong, but it made you giggly and warm. Perhaps Calum lounging next to you on the blanket had something to do with that.  After a few rosé flavored kisses his hands began to wander, and you had to put an end to it.  Calum started to apologize, but you told him that the only reason you stopped was that your cycle hadn’t ended yet. 

After that, Calum laid back on the blanket and began to talk.

He told you he was in his second year studying music composition and theory at the Strozzi Conservatory. He'd recently broken up with his high school sweetheart, and it had been painful. As a result Cal decided to not go home for the summer, deciding instead to take a workshop on-campus teaching local teens. He was a bit lonely but looking forward to the tourist season.

"This is the first time I've had time to myself where I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks about me or what I do," he told you, taking a gulp before handing you the wine to finish off. You were sitting up and he was laying across your outstretched legs looking up at you.

"Ooh the wild college years," you laughed. You had seen many sheltered middle-class suburban kids get the first taste of freedom away from their helicopter parents and lose their minds. "If you're trying to get fucked up don't buy anything on the boardwalk. I've got a friend so at least you know it's clean." 

"Nah not like that, but good to know." Calum took a deep breath, looked up at you, and then away. The shadows from the small camp lantern made him look mysterious and brooding. "Can I tell you something? I feel like I can trust you." His voice was soft and he rolled on his side concentrating on tracing lines along the skin on your legs. 

"You can tell me anything," you assured him.

"I want to--uh I guess experiment with different sorts of types of experiences with something new. I mean, obviously new. What I mean is, not what you'd expect maybe. Shit!" Calum rubbed his eyes and you held back a smile. "What I'm trying to say is that," he paused again.

"Calum, are you into guys?" You ask, not wanting to rush, but you were running out of time. You only had about half an hour before the tide would start coming in and you had to leave. 

"Is it obvious?" He asked, his eyes wide. 

"Nope, I wouldn't have guessed at all, but I've had this conversation with a friend before. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me, but we have to leave here in a bit." You checked your phone.

“So that’s it?” he asked. 

“Dude, it’s not that serious. Tell me who you’re scoping out and I’ll let you know what’s up. That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun as well,” you told him.

He looked so relieved, and you could only imagine what it took for him to tell you that.

Calum sat up and you started rolling up the blanket. You packed up your beach bag and Calum held the lantern as you twisted and folded the tent in three quick fluid motions before sliding it into its bag. 

"How did you do that so quickly in the dark?" Calum looked impressed.

"Practice, now come on, follow me, watch your step. It's slippery," you cautioned him.

It had gotten chilly and you were both shivering as you ran back to your car. 

"You won't tell anyone at work will you? I know it's not a big deal but I don't want everyone in my business." Calum bit his lip and you could tell he was questioning his decision.

"Dude you're fine, but what made you decide to tell me?" The question slipped out before you realized it.

He looked embarrassed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I was hoping maybe you could help me out. I don't know how to read people and I don't want to make an idiot out of myself." 

"Of course," you replied, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “Did you have anyone in mind?”

“Well there’s this lifeguard. He’s blonde and has a bird tattoo on his arm,” Calum told you. 

You cringed, knowing exactly who he was talking about. “Sorry sweetie,” you replied, “ that’s Cody and he’s not only straight, he’s a complete jackass.”

Calum slumped and looked defeated. “Don’t worry sweetie,” you reassured him. “The summer is just getting started”

A clap of thunder pulled you from your daydream.  If it was going to rain there was no chance business would pick up. You glanced over at Calum perched on the stool behind the cash register playing on his phone. His dark curls were falling across his forehead and your fingers itched to play with his hair. Being bored and horny was never fun and you were willing to bet Calum could take care of both. As if he could read your mind Cal looked up and caught your eye. The smirk that spread across his face let you know you were being too obvious, but you didn't care. 

"If you keep looking at me like that I might forget I'm on the clock,"  Calum licked his lips and looked you over. "You're lucky there are cameras."

"Oh yeah? What did you have in mind? It just so happens I know all the spots the cameras can't see," you raise your eyebrows at him, challenging him to take it further. 

The loud jingle of the bells hanging from the door startled both of you. You look up to see a familiar figure ducking through the door just before the sky opened up and began pouring rain. 

"What's up Luke? Since when are you afraid to get wet," you teased the tall blonde walking towards the counter. You'd known Luke Hemmings for years, his dad was on the city council with yours and his mom taught sixth grade. He'd been a year ahead of you in school, and you'd both played varsity basketball in high school. He'd dated several of your friends, and before that, your older sister had a tumultuous relationship with his brother Ben several years back. 

"Maybe I'm sick of the pool and want my old job back," Luke shot back. He'd worked three summers scooping ice cream next to you until he turned 18 and could work as a lifeguard on the beach. 

"Sorry, dollface, I've managed to replace you, I even found someone better looking," you replied. 

The Hemmings brothers were gorgeous and always had girls falling at their feet, but you'd never been that impressed. Not that it stopped y'all from hooking up on occasion, including once in the walk-in cooler after closing the summer before your senior year. It was a small town and you'd dated, hated, or hooked up with most of the guys your age.  Luke's history was more extensive than yours. He'd not only hooked up with you and many of your female friends, but you'd kissed many of the same boys. 

He looked from you to Calum who was standing to your right suddenly engrossed in the patterns on the tile floor. You could see the flush on his cheeks and his leg was jiggling nervously. Luke looked Calum up and down, his blue eyes lingering on the younger man before shooting you an approving grin. 

"I see you found a college boy. Can't say I blame you, much better looking than that ginger from last year," Luke snickered.

"I'm gonna go check the cooler," Calum told you, barely audibly before ducking in the back. 

You looked at Luke who was as confused as you were before excusing yourself to follow Calum. 

You barely made it around the corner before Calum popped out at you nearly scaring you to death. 

"What the hell," you squealed as he pulled you into the freezer.

"That's the guy I was telling you about," he hissed as the door shut behind you.

"What are you talking about?" 

"Remember when you drove me home the other night? You asked if I had anyone in mind so you could find out which team they played for," his voice was a panicked whisper, and his dark eyes were wide as saucers.

Then it clicked. "You were talking about Luke?" I asked, my voice louder than I meant for it to be.

"Why are you yelling? Yes, obviously that's him, except you told me his name was Dylan."

"You said tall, curly hair, with a bird tattooed on his arm. Luke doesn't have any tattoos, his mom

hates them," I replied, but doubted myself now. I hadn't seen Luke in ages, he'd always been a spoiled Mama's boy and maybe Liz finally caved.  

"That tall drink of water has a hummingbird tattooed on his arm, but that's not important right now. Have y'all hooked up?" You nodded and Calum scowled. "Figures he would be straight," he sighed.

Your brain finally caught up to the situation at hand, and you had an idea. 

"Listen to me Calum, you're gonna wait on him. Offer him a strawberry waffle cone, it's his favorite," you pushed him out of the cooler and back towards the front. 

You popped your head around the corner and whistled making Luke look up from his phone. "I'll be out in a second. I keep telling Dad this freezer needs replaced, have one on the house, but try not to scare off my new employee please," you shoot him a stern look as Calum came around the corner behind you. 

"I'll try not to bite, but I make no promises," Luke laughed before turning his attention to Calum. 

You moved just out of their sight, but still within earshot to see if your little plan worked. 

"So uh, yeah, the boss said you could have a free waffle cone. She said you like strawberry ice cream," Calum started out a squeak but he cleared his throat and continued, in a deep rough tone that gave you the shivers.

"Did she now?" Luke's voice dripped honey and you could hear him smiling. "I'm surprised she remembered, but she's good like that." 

"That's why she's the boss," Calum was cautious, and you stifled a laugh. "Have y'all known each other long? Are you close?"  

"Oh we know each other very well, and we've been close, very close sometimes. She's easy to talk to, I'm sure you know how it is," Luke answered and you had to put your hand over your mouth to hold back a laugh. You'd recognize that syrupy flirtatious tone anywhere, it was obvious Luke was seducing your new employee. You peeked around the counter to see Calum handing Luke his ice cream cone. A double scoop, perfectly dipped, pink and creamy, just barely starting to drip around the edge you watched Luke begin to lap it up while keeping his eyes on Calum.  

The power flickered as Luke leaned back against one of the tables in the dining area, half sitting half standing, his long legs crossed at the ankle. He was wearing the black swim trunks trimmed in bright red every lifeguard wore on duty and a thin white reflective windbreaker unzipped almost all the way to his waist revealing his broad bare chest. You could see Calum fidgeting nervously with the ice cream scoop while trying not to stare. Luke was not making that easy, his lips and tongue working obscenely in a way that was starting to make you horny, and you knew what he was doing and why. Poor Calum didn't stand a chance. It didn't help that he'd worn basketball shorts to work and the clingy fabric made his arousal obvious even where you were standing. 

You stepped back trying to figure out your next step. Your intention had been to introduce Luke and Calum but watching them together made your thoughts wander places they shouldn't. The rain was really coming down, sheeting the windows and sounding like pebbles being hurled against the roof. Daylight had turned dark as the storm really kicked up. You could hear the guys talking as you checked the weather on your phone. You were stuck here at least another 30 minutes as a big blob of red on the radar moved through your area. 

"She said I dare you to kiss the person on either side of you, and I didn't know if I wanted to kill her or kiss her." You heard Luke's voice and realized you'd zoned out and you headed back towards the front. 

You stepped through the swinging doors just in time to hear Calum ask, "why was that?" 

"Because the girl to his left was my friend who was absolutely gagging for Luke's cock," you answered as Calum jumped and Luke laughed.

"What was her name? Crystal? Kristen?" Luke bit the tip of the waffle cone off and sucked the remainder of the ice cream out of the bottom, glancing at you before his eyes returned to Calum. 

"Kirsten, you did end up sleeping with her, " you reminded him. "Tell him who was on the other side."

Luke licked his lips and grinned. "Keeeerstin, that's right, and that 4th of July we all did crazy things if I remember correctly. To my right however was the hottest soccer player in school who I'd had a crush on for ages." 

Calum nodded and Luke's gaze flickered your way once again, his blue eyes bright and mischievous, before he continued, "I was freaking out when we kissed but then he ended up taking me back to his house and we fooled around on his sister's swing set." 

You laughed along with Luke as you watched Calum realize what Luke said. His head snapped up, blinking rapidly and his mouth opened and closed refusing to find words before you saw him look at you, then Luke, and then back to you as everything clicked into place.

"Is that what strawberry ice cream meant? Were you setting me up?" Calum asked.

"Not a setup, but wanted to see if Luke remembered the code. Turns out there's not as dumb as he looks," you walked up to Calum stopping just inches from his chest looking up at him. "And you did say you were bored." 

"What did you have in mind?" He raised his eyebrows at you, still unable to look at Luke. 

“I mean, Luke likes strawberry ice cream, and so do you. I doubt we’re going to have many customers with this rain,” you told him. 

“They closed down the beach because of lightning so no one is coming out,” Luke chimed in. 

“That’s what I was thinking, so it sounds to me like the three of us have some time on our hands,” you replied. You looked at Calum and he nodded but his eyes burned into you.

“Are you sure you’re up for that?” he asked apparently reading your thoughts. 

“I can handle anything,” you puffed your chest out and heard Luke snicker, but you didn’t dare take your eyes off Calum.

“I’m down if y’all are,” he challenged, finally looking at Luke. 

Am I really going to do this? Your thoughts were racing and your heart was pounding as hard as the rain. CAMERAS you thought before remembering you'd been the one who updated the security system and there was a workaround.

Thunder crashed so loudly you felt it shake your bones. No one would come around today, and it made no sense to stay open or send Luke home in this storm. 

"Calum, go make sure the back door is locked, Luke if you could flip the bolt and get the blinds," you told them before you ran back into the office where money was counted. Behind the desk was the breaker box and you flipped the switch that shut off the security cameras and half the lights. 

You poked your head out at Luke and motioned for him to follow you towards the back. You bumped into Calum as he came back towards the front.

"Where are you going?" He asked

"Break room, even with this storm I'm worried about someone peeking in," you reply.

"Really?" Calum was skeptical.

"Around here you never know," Luke told him.

You flipped the light switch, but only two bulbs lit up casting the room in soft blue light with long shadows. 

"So I hear you got a tattoo, Hemmings," you said, trying to break the ice. Calum looked even more nervous than you felt, and you silently asked Luke to take charge. 

He winked at you unzipping his jacket and shrugging it off his shoulders. You noticed he was still lean and lanky but he'd definitely filled out, added some muscle definition. Sure enough, there on his right bicep was a small hummingbird. 

"I can't believe Liz finally caved," you teased.

"Honestly I just went and did it, and then dealt with the consequences. She's still mad, but nothing I can't handle," he replied. Luke looked over towards Calum. "You have way more than I ever will, can I see them?" 

Calum nodded and came up beside you. He started off nervous, but as he explained his tattoos starting with his parents’ initials on his hands, working up past his wrists, to the lovely bird with his sister's name, he explained when and where he'd gotten them. Some, like the thistle on his left bicep, had special meaning relating to friends and family. While others, like the spade and the horseshoe, were aesthetic choices. 

"Is that it?" Luke raised his eyebrows and bit his lip. 

"Nope," Calum smirked, warming to the other's man's attention. He reached behind his neck and in one swift motion pulled his shirt off over his head. You felt your pulse quicken and heard Luke suck in his breath next to you. Calum was brawnier, broad-chested with black ink on brown skin. Without realizing it you reached out to touch him, trailing a fingertip along what looked like a feather etched underneath his collarbone.

"What's this?" You asked, feeling your insides quiver when he turned his brown eyes towards you. 

"It's a silver fern, my mom's Maori from New Zealand," Calum's voice was a sultry whisper.

"And this?" Your fingers slide down to the "Choose Life" on his chest.

"It's from Trainspotting and- OH," Calum moaned as you absentmindedly tugged his nipple.

"Do that again," Luke told you, his hand sliding down over his dick now a bulge in his black and red lifeguard trunks. 

You tugged, harder this time, and were rewarded with a sound somewhere between a moan and a hiss. Calum licked his lips before his mouth hung slightly open as your fingers traveled to the other one, repeating the motion. Both men moaned in response and Calum noticed Luke palming himself through his shorts.

"Enjoying the show?" He asked with a slight smirk.

"Oh my God yes," Luke responded, squeezing his cock slightly. "All I can think about is the two of you sucking me off." 

"I'm down for that," you reply. "What do you say Cal." 

Uncertainty crept into his expression and he paused, "I want to but I've never done that before."

"If you want I can show you," you offered, the idea had you excited like never before. 

"Is that ok?" Calum asked.

Luke's blue eyes went wide. "Fuck yes, please," he whispered.

You untied the drawstring on Luke's shorts and tugged them down past his hips letting his long cock spring free. Rock hard and leaking as you wrapped your hand around the shaft, you could feel his body react to your touch. You stood on your tiptoes and playfully kissed his lips before you sank to your knees in front of him. 

You looked up at Calum who was watching your intently, lips pursed in concentration. 

"You know what you like so start there. Personally I like to tease a bit to start off," you tell him, flicking your tongue around the tip. "You wanna keep it wet and keep it moving. I think spitting is gross but if you gag a little it gets everything nice and sloppy." You took Luke's cock in your mouth getting it slick and shiny as you bobbed your head, taking him further down your throat each time until your nose was almost touching his belly. 

"Oh shit," you heard Luke's growl above you as you came back up for air. You continued pumping him with your hand as you looked up at Calum. 

"Come on, you try," you beckoned to him. 

Calum was eager now, as he kneeled next to you, looked up at Luke, and wrapped his hand around your much smaller one as you stroked Luke's cock together. 

"Oh God," Luke moaned, the sight almost sending him over the edge. 

Calum leaned forward and brushed his lips against the taut skin before his tongue darted out to get his first taste. Luke's knees started to buckle and he leaned back against the break table which was inches behind his thighs. Calum hesitated, eyeing the table before glancing at you, but both you and Luke knew the table could easily hold his weight. 

"It's fine, keep going," you pulled back and gave his arm a nudge.

"Are you sure? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do,” he replied.

"You're sucking a dick not disarming a bomb, just don't bite and you'll be fine," you told him with a giggle.

Calum swirled his tongue around the tip and you saw Luke grip the table's edge, his knuckles white. Calum began sucking, softly, and slowly before gaining confidence he built up a rhythm. Luke grunted, his eyes screwed shut and his chest heaved.

"Stop," he pleaded, "you're gonna make me cum too fast." 

Calum pulled back with a pop. "I thought that was the point,"  he smirked up at the older man.

"God what I wouldn't give to let you both take turns riding me," Luke moaned, grasping his cock tightly, fighting for control. 

"What's wrong Luke?" You reached up and ran your thumb along Calum's plump bottom lip. "His pretty mouth got you all excited. Thinking about how you're the first guy he's ever sucked off? About how lucky you are?

"You keep talking like that and you're gonna make me cum in my pants," Calum warned you.

"Not yet, I wanna help with that," Luke growled. 

"We gotta finish you first," Calum grinned and got back to work. Luke cursed loudly as his cock disappeared down the other man's throat. Calum stopped and almost pulled back but kept going. 

You looked up at Luke, he was staring down at the two of you with half-open eyes. You reached up and cupped his balls, giving them a gentle tug. That sent him over the edge.

"Oh shit I'm gonna come," Luke yelled, bucking his hips. Calum tried to swallow but he started coughing so he leaned back, cum dripping from his chin and splattering on his chest. You watched Luke fight to keep his eyes on Calum before they rolled back in his head as his knees shook and his breath escaped him in ragged gasps. 

He sank to the floor next to the two of you watching as you pulled Calum in for a kiss tasting Luke on his lips. When you broke away, Luke was there kissing you first and then Calum. 

"That was so good, let us take care of you now. I bet you're ready to burst. Let's see what we're working with here," he said as he reached into Calum's shorts. You both smiled as Luke pulled out a cock that was a bit shorter but thicker than Luke's. 

"Damn Cal, you've been holding out on me," you purred in his ear as you moved behind him. 

"I would've fucked you that night on the beach if you'd let me," he admitted.

"I was indisposed, but we'll have to make up for that," you tell him before you kissed your way up his neck.

"Raise up a bit," Luke told him as he pulled his shorts up before laying on the carpet. He positioned his head just under Calum's balls blowing on them as you reached around and massaged Calum's cock. "This is gonna be all I think about tomorrow at work. I'm gonna be rock hard sitting up in that chair just thinking about what I wanna do to the two of you." 

A huge thunderclap seems to shake the building and the lights flickered as your lips found Calum's neck as you nipped at his skin. You'd been fantasizing about marking up his throat and couldn't resist leaving a mark. He whined in response and pushed back into you before moaning as Luke's mouth went to work getting Calum's cock nice and wet before sucking and humming on his balls. You continued to suck tiny bruises on Calum's flesh as Luke's mouth stayed busy alternating between working over Calum and talking dirty. 

"I'd love to watch you fuck her before I come up behind you and take that ass. Imagine being between us, having your cock buried in her pussy while you're stretched and full," Luke told him and the idea gave you the most delicious thrill. The idea of Luke fucking Calum into you had you aching for your own release, but right now you wanted to make Calum feel good. You twisted your hand slightly as you stroked his cock.  Calum's head rolled back resting on your shoulder, moaning over and over as you kept one hand on his dick and the other tugged his nipples. You couldn't see what Luke was doing but you heard sucking noises between Calum's moans. 

"I'm getting close," Calum warned you. "Oh God keep doing that," he gasped and you could hear Luke humming as he sucked. 

You jerked him faster, concentrating on the tip, tugging his nipples harder as your teeth grazed along his shoulder. 

He erupted onto Luke's chest with an "Oh God" that was both a prayer and an exultation. Luke quickly moved so he was sucking the tip and the two of you worked together to drain every drop. 

Calum slumped back against you and you peppered his skin with kisses as you felt him shudder as he came down from his high. 

"That was incredible, I don't think I can feel my legs," Calum said as he shifted so he was no longer kneeling. 

"I bet," Luke laughed as he got up. He walked over to the sink in the corner by the refrigerator and grabbed some paper towels. He got himself cleaned up before bringing some back for you and Calum. 

"Are you ok?" Luke asked when he noticed you were breathing heavily. "Do you need your inhaler?" 

You reached out your hand so he could help you up. "I'm fine, that was just intense and I got excited," you winked at him as you stood up. He pulled on your arm and caused you to stumble and fall into his chest. He wrapped you in a cuddle and bent his lips closer to your ear.

"I haven't forgotten about you princess," Luke's words made you shiver with the anticipation. You could tell your panties were soaked and your core throbbed as Luke gripped your hips and lifted you on to the break table. He stepped between your legs and put this hand under your chin and pulled you in for a kiss. Calum was still on his tongue as it tangled with yours and you tasted his essence which was sweeter than Luke's. His hands tugged at your shirt and you broke away to let him lift it over your head. He kissed you again as you fumbled with your bra, unhooking it before you tossed it across the room. Luke's mouth moved to your breasts and you saw Calum still seated on the floor as he watched you with Luke, his eyes glazed over with lust.  

When your eyes met Calum jolted out of his gaze and scrambled to his feet. You almost laughed as he tripped over his own feet as he readjusted his shorts, but at that moment Luke's mouth closed over your stiff nipple and the laugh became a moan.

Luke's fingers were clawing at your waistband and you lifted your hips as he pulled your shorts and panties down at the same time. 

The rain was beating against the roof in sheets now, but you could barely hear it over the sound of your own heartbeat.

Luke spread your legs and stepped back to show Calum. "She how pretty and wet she is for us. We gotta give her something special as a thank you. Want me to show you how to make her squirm," Luke teased, running a finger in between your soaked folds, and you pushed your hips up with a frustrated grunt. 

"Nah," Calum looked you dead in the eye with the cockiest smirk you'd ever seen in your life.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I've been fantasizing about this for weeks," he was talking to Luke but his eyes were on you. "Tell me princess, do you taste as good as you look. I bet you're as sweet and juicy as a pink Starburst." 

You don't even recognize the sound that escaped your lips when Calum's mouth moved between your thighs. His tongue danced and moved in ways you'd never experienced, curling inside you before swooping up between your lips and lapping up your nectar. His pillowy lips sucked on your clit alternating with soft cool puffs of air over your fevered skin.  

Luke buried you in a flurry of kisses and you didn't know where each one was going to land, your mouth, breasts, neck, belly, shoulders, along your hairline or on your fingertips. 

Calum was relentless, barely coming up for air as he buried his face in your pleasure. You felt like a live wire as your nerves danced under your skin while Calum's tongue found every pleasure spot. Your heels beat the table in time with the storm raging outside as your orgasm started to build. You wanted to praise him or cry out but Luke covered your mouth with his. 

You arched your back almost slamming your head back on the table as Calum furiously worked on achieving your high. He wasn't going to let up until you were screaming for him, and you gladly obliged. Your climax hit you hard enough to see stars and your whole body let go.

"Damn baby," Luke's voice was in your ear but sounded very far away. 

You tried to close your legs but Calum wouldn't let you. He held them open still sucking your clit his fingers buried inside you as he coaxed another orgasm out of you.  He moaned into your skin as you drenched his face, your thighs, and the table as you came undone. He didn't stop until you were whimpering from being overstimulated, and only then did he finally pro back. 

He stood up and grabbed Luke for a kiss leaving the tall blonde as breathless as you were. The storm was still raging but your heartbeat was returning to normal. You sat up, a bit embarrassed by the mess.

"Sorry about that, can one of y'all get some towels?" You ask even though you hated to interrupt them. 

"Don't apologize," Luke stroked your thigh, and Calum did as you asked. "That was the hottest thing I've ever seen." He looked over at Calum, "will you teach me how to make her squirt like that." 

"Hell yeah," Calum answered as he gently cleaned you up. He landed a tiny kiss on your nose. "Thank you," he whispered, almost too softly to be heard. You reached down and squeezed his hand as you shared a smile. 

"How about I help y'all close up and we head back to my apartment?" Luke asked. 

"Great idea, we'll order pizza and see where the night goes."  You slid off the table, wobbled a bit but Calum wouldn't let you fall.

"Sounds like a plan, boss," Calum grinned. "Can we get ice cream too?" 

"Sure, what flavor?" You asked as you pulled your shorts up and Luke tossed your bra to you.

"Strawberry," they answered in unison before you all cracked up.

"Oh this is gonna be a great summer," you called over your shoulder as you walked out of the room.

@kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @ghostofmashton @sexgodashton @sublimehood @ihatetigers @calteahood @5-secondsofcolor @tea4sykes @wildmichaelflower​ @noshamenion​ @punkrockpreferences​ @rosecolouredash​ @cal-pal-cuddles​ @damselindistressanu​

[fgodestinyawakenings]

EOR SE.RA.PH Singularity: Prologue~Act 1

Welcome to SE.RA.PH Singularity aka EOR Singularity 1.5 since this is between Shinjuku and Agartha timeline. Just a quick and good warning, there’s lot of ranting so you’ve been warned... Time to go through this shit round 2 again

Prologue

In Gudas' room, both Tamamo and Nero are hanging out in plans of the supposedly coming Summer event. What a way to skip out Spring break... Isn't that why there's no Sakura Blossom related events?! And yep, a huge foreshadowing dropped courtesy of her Majesty Nero of her Summer Version coming after this hell

Well, let's not compete with Mordred on who's going to suntan aka boiled themselves hot in that steel tin can. Let's not forget while we stranded on that island first half Tamamo... Second half we got stupid writer in need to show waifu and fanservice, decided to half-ass their work to shove out all the men away.

Mama Emiya as usual, decided to drop in to make sure no one bother his kid/Master too much! Nagging Mom activated his skill: Nagging/Worrying from overthinking! Watch it, Tamamo. Mama Emiya is still my best Mama/waifu among all you people as he now crowns as Ruler of Chaldea Kitchen!

And Mash called in on us? Or rather this Seraphinx department...? Oh hey! It turns out we can finally contact other people aside from Chaldea's office! Looks like we got one of our resource back to supply Chaldea better. Turns out it belongs to Animuspere huh... Been a while their name turned up ever since Solomon Singularity

Mama Emiya doesn't have good impression on them since that's a place prone for terrorist target. While we postpone on studying magecraft with Mama Emiya, we head to the Command Room to find out Seraphinx

Arriving there, Mash and Da Vinci greeted us with the latter skeptical on attempting contact with an oil rig place. Da Vinci, you must understand... While Nero and Tamamo came for interest, Mama Emiya is merely concerned of his children.

Learning more about Seraphinx from Mash, and... Turns out excluding the ones we saved somehow... The rest aka most of the original staff died from Lev's explosion. One of Chaldea staff talked to us while discussing. And... DAMN IT, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME AGAIN BY BRINGING UP ROMANI?! TT__TT

As Romani is really well loved even by Seraphix staff... And... Something wrong with Sheba? We're not getting any video on Chaldea's end? What the... An SOS?! WHAT?! People are turning data and the one in message...?!

Seraphix disappeared from 2019?!?!??! What's happening?! And... What the fuck?! NOW WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! A random weird cheerful voice, casually threatens to kill everyone... Called herself BB... After hacking into Chaldea's system... Her livestream begin. For an AI that's probably recently made, she speaks as though she's already an old woman.

Now aside from the fake pity, Chaldea got the warning signal of BB messing further with the system. Less of a wizard, more of a random idol self-proclaimed girl from that random hacking video. AI is one thing, but Ruler of the Moon? Someone been too much of Chunnibyou here. Been taking up classes with Jeanne Alter how to be one? But yeah, I know what she mean considering this is a crossover

No need to be humble and admit for an AI who make fun of humans, you upgraded yourselves to be superior in everything. Blame DW instead, Gudas. That's where our money went and gone from gacha hell. And nah personally, I could care less if you even have a voiceover.

So your point is while you claimed to not really care... Okay what the hell?! Marina Trench that's all the way bottom in the sea.... WHY THE HELL IS IT DOING THERE IN 2030?!?!??! And got a full clear that's a Singularity we need to head over and fix

What a way to throw us a job, BB. And yeah, whatever, be our kouhai for your fans that care. If I'm disappointing, you're even a bigger disappointment and more boring than I thought, kouhai. I've seen bigger egos like Gilgamesh that makes fun 24/7 at us mongrels. So nice try in your attempts to be sadistic, gotta give you effort of A+ in doing so. And who needs AI when you got Enkidu? That's what I called more impressive of a clay gaining soul and learning how to be a human

Ignoring the competition of two kouhais fighting over that self-proclamation... And technically we're not your replacement for Hakunos too.

Well said, your majesty! Now it's time for us to go and fix this Singularity! We're saving time here BB, so get your useless ass working instead of running that mouth of yours!

Mama Emiya despite not trusting BB's words... He agree that she should let us help her, having a fragment feelings of their past meetings in CCC. Da Vinci given us her order to go ahead too! With Mama Emiya, Tamamo and Nero with us... Lastly Da Vinci's warning about the future... Let the rayshift to the future begins!

And of course... This is why Mama Emiya never showed up... Haish, oh well, at least in alternate headcanon and stories, we can always put it ways they can sneak back in to join us

Act 1 (1/6)

Arriving alone... We've reached the SE.RA.PH singularity. And a whole bloodfest to survive alone in this hell begins to kill the rest of 127 Masters.

BB once again starts her feed. Other than her boring crap and well fooling us.... And boring attempts for sadism, for a front gate, you want Gudas to start a fucking rape session to go through all over your body.

And great, looks a strange fox girl going to kill us after BB's talk. You've got hundreds of blood-thirsty Servants at Chaldea, if you can't dodge their shit while trying to calm their shit, then I got some pressing issues for you.

Also just in time... Someone looks like BB but not really saves us! While talking to her... Looks like the one killing us is Suzuka aka Suzuka Gozen! Like there's any choice for this hell, so a contract shall be made, Meltryllis!

For 6 turns, both Suzuka and Melt are on par at each other! While Suzuka rants her own goal to get the grail, Melt is totally bored with her from the fight. High school girl peppy much? At least she leave us alone... And don't even try call me maybe by carly rae to! I'm not giving you the number anytime!

Well, thanks for saving us, Melt? Well now you just admit yourself, you're probably eavesdropping on us didn't you?! Are you really a Servant?! First time hearing a class called Alter Ego you know! Like we got any choice to end the contract, we got an oil rig  to save, finding Mama Emiya and everyone, and getting back home safely afterwards!

Uh, Melt? You want to try being summoned and see how many jackass Servants we got at Chaldea? Excluding her Tsundere attempts... Melt suggest in which direction to go next from this Holy Grail War. Good to know BB isn't trustworthy even from Melt with BB look-a-like face too. 10 days aka 21/2 hours before Seraphix sinks...

We definitely got ourself one heck of an ally here in this hell hole! Gee, are we going to start how no one fucking is kind to me like shake hands and you're special to me?! Okay, skip that crap, let's move!

After revealing about Chaldea up to now... Well aren't we lucky Gudas happened to be your type of puppet to protect? Melt then reveal more of MoonCell's end of where they originally came from, and their own kind of Holy Grail War. And also, learning what an Alter Ego is with Melt revealing her origins.

Oh did we say you were nice? I mean yeah, like you saving us, taking care of us like an escort is TOTALLY not doing nice at all. Riiight, I heard lines before so don't bother.

Well so much directing our way around, if you actually decided to go out for an all out attack. Yes, whatever you say, ma'am... Let's fight... WITH STYLE!

Despite an "okay" battle against a Saber... Gee, Gawain, how rude! Have you not met other lady that can be Heroic Spirits?! And... WAIT, YOU'RE OUR GAWAIN?! Uh... Did BB just fucking reshuffle who's supposed to be coming with us?

Well whatever, thanks for coming to our rescue Gawain! Why the hell are you angry when your face say so! Blushing will not excuse your way out of this!

And so one long explanation later... We got both Gawain and Melt to help us around. Once again, BB arrived with the boring entrance... Someone got pissy just because things don't go her way

We can take the whole damn time we want since you throw our Servants away. One moment you'd like us rot to death, another you want to save us, someone got a bad mood swing here. And duh, how the hell does it look like we want your jealousy? Not me! So move on, you want to kill us right?

Poor Robin... Must suck getting thrown around by BB's whims... Robin is technically popular if writer need to stop shoveling waifu at every chance needed. So if you want a fight, then it's a pain in the ass fight you want!

With only requirement BB's first boss is to break her first HP bar... Good to know she's totally unbeatable. And the whole bribing scheme comes from Sakura Chips and so forth... Well, one way to be Pay 2 Win player in a Holy Grail War

Act 1 (2/6)

Gudas’s definition of normal is a bit warped thanks to the amount of Servant in Chaldea. Both Gawain and Melt began arguing about Servant’s going back to their true base instinct... Huh?! Wait?! All the masters died? So we’re fighting that same thing in Fuyuki all over again?!!!

Picking up the object looking like a Holy Grail, while cutting short... Oh god!

Okay wait... This is like CasGil’s Babylonia trip in seeing memories or sort... A man talking about working in the oil rig... One of the staff perhaps? It was showing what happened before Chaldea’s arrival in Seraphix. And killing their own current director, the heck?! Damn it... The final thoughts and memories turning the whole place in a killing festival to survive...

Act 1 (3/6)

Arriving a path that splits into two, Chest for Command Room, Thighs for Helicopter area, and Hair for submarine cable and pump with power plant. Aside from the unneeded comment on Chest, Tristan shows up! At least this isn’t our Tristan back n Chaldea but...

Ok, wait, I hope you don’t mistake her for BB but... You may be right and totally wrong at the same time! It’s hell but Melt is definitely our ally so far! Play Despacito if needed, but I’m not letting you harm Melt. Gee Melt, you want guillotine session, find Sanson and Carmilla! And do it later after you got what you need from this place!

Thankfully he doesn’t have pain in the ass gimmick for his boss fight, story wise both Melt and Gawain are facing off against Tristan. With Tristan pinned down, we got a choice to either let Melt end his life or... Melt withdraw herself since he noticed her condition. Thanks to Melt’s tsundere act, we manage to get Tristan to become our ally!

But unfortuantely we got a cat fight between Melt and Tristan... All’s well ends well still! While walking to the next destination, Gudas explained to Tristan everything so far... And while Tristan does the same, please don’t start poetry session like Shakespeare too

Heading towards Breast Valley aka Command Room where another particular Alter Ego lies... Aka Passionlip, an Alter Ego like Melt born from BB made of love and hatred. Good to know for someone in horrible condition, your pervert “sadistic” side is still working with that mouth

And woah! That’s a staff from Seraphix coming to us! We finally did found a survivor in Command Room! While Gawain already has Mable charmed by his looks, Gudas got to explain on their end while Melt is with them.... But first... That loud stomping sound behind Mable is a giant claw?! And... It’s Passionlip that Melt mentioned!! Here’s come the first round attempt in fighting her!

Surviving 6 turns is good to know in story, she’s definitely unbeatable with that Trash & Crush skill. Despite bound in restrainment on her sense of self, Passionlip destroyed the route to the Command Room. Getting out of this area ASAP, we take along with Mable in two while Lip continues to compress the area.

Act 1 (4/6)

Fleeing all the way to the Thigh area... We’re safe. And a long explanation later to Mable, it pretty much confirms how much Seraphix is cut off from the world. There’s confirmed of other survivors inside the Command Room beside her. Finding another time to get back to Command Room, Gudas still remain firm in taking Mable to find a safe place.

Melt mentioned a chapel where they could rest, though Tristan remembered Vlad Extra being there as a guard... Nevertheless, we still need to get there to recover from fatigue

Act 1 (5/6)

Reaching the Chapel, safe to say the newly found bloodied spear shows Vlad is still lurking around. Also pretty much confirmed there’s no point explaining to Vlad, since he definitely wants Gudas dead.

Good for you, Tristan. At least you’re repenting your mistake of attacking us out of madness. And... What did Vlad say again?!

Gawain’s fatal blow killed Vlad once and for all... Vlad told us hurry to the chapel where Archer is waiting for us! But why? What’s wrong with Archer? Isn’t it our Mama Emiya?! No time to waste, Emiya is waiting for us!

And inside the Chapel.... Emiya--Wait.... Isn’t that... EMIYA ALTER?! So BB up to her no good tricks in switching around the Servant again... And a brief explanation later...

Emiya Alter is still our Mama Emiya in ways to make sure we’re okay. The Chapel becomes our newfound base as Emiya Alter delivers more information. Melt ended up sleeping outside since Mable still doesn’t trust any Alter Ego by her experience. But before we could sleep, looks like one of the wall is in a weirdly haphazard problem?

At least we got a good night sleep... Melt on the other hand outside, laments about Lip she saw earlier.

Act 1 (6/6)

300 Sakura Money paid to that BB just cause she want suffering in exchange... At least we got the key to unlock whatever that’s hidden in the church! And Mable, never question that AI who wants to be superior at every humane thing because of how inferior she probably feels

But with restrainment of who will get the data... Gudas ended up taking the information since Mable decided to let us know it. The record starts with a person working as a mental health specialist in Seraphix joined in 2016. Revealing the inner workings and different staff available to harvest oil and magical energy... There’s also a conflict between them, as they described the amount patients they received

Eventually pondering the reason of Seraphix’s creation... 3 years later, they lost contact with the outside world and chaos happened within them internaly. Monsters he encountered that attacked human minds? They even noted the change in themselves now they can longer trust people a month later, describing blood fest that’s probably Vlad and other Servants attacking around the church

On his final memory, they got attacked and losing their left eye in the process. The Director and assistant director went mad as confirmed by record keeper themselves. But... The planetarium? Experiment?

It ended there as Gudas now explained what they just learned. Melt revealed about the Planetarium being the power source of this singularity. Tristan offered to stay behind with Mable while we continue exploring this Singularity. Emiya Alter goes off on his own to deal with the remaining Servants...

Melt later reveals her true feelings to the sleeping Gudas how Gudas should be able to be in contact with Chaldea once they reached the Command Room. And her own feelings so far and about Gudas after becoming their Servant...

Act 1 done, 3 more to go! I’ll stop here and get back to grinding to clear some of the relevant missions...

[unicyclehippo]

can you write something about dina and ellie and that ring you talked about??

can you write something about dina and ellie and that ring you talked about??

howie comes with her when she appears at their door, not even questioning the slight jerk of her head. there’s depth enough, darkness enough in that still gaze for them to know that questions aren’t what is needed right now.

well. one question, maybe.

‘got a hair tie?’ howie asks when they’re settled high at the top of the watchtower, feet kicked out to hang over the lip of the roof.

ellie snaps one off her wrist, one of those heavy duty ones she keeps specifically for howie, and they gather their thick, curling hair back into their best attempt at a bun and tug the band over it. a moment then,

‘awesome. that feels like it’s gonna hold. feel like a sip of ol’ jackson’s finest alcohol?’ they offer. tap a blue-painted nail against the murky brown glass bottle.

that’s technically two questions now.

‘if you offer me that blackwater shit—how’d i know?’ ellie sighs, but she still takes the bottle from them and opens with a slurping pop of the ill-fitting cork. ‘ugh. smells like…vinegar.’

‘yeah. gets you drunk though.’

‘it had better,’ ellie mutters and she takes a swig, gasping when the oddly hot liquid hits her tongue. swallows. rasps, ‘oh wow. tastes worse than it smells.’

‘and that, folks, is a preview to the incredible wine tasting review our very own ellie will be publishing in the jackson weekly,’ howie says in an announcers spiel, their voice smooth and rich right up until they take a swig from the bottle and they gag. ‘god, that is really foul.’

‘yup.’

‘…want some more?’

‘yup.’

they trade the bottle between them for some time, but cap it before the faint haze that falls over them can progress much further. it sits, weighty and warm on their tongues, tastes foully at the back of their mouths, and trying to put sense and order to the jumbling, all-important thoughts that come drunkenly to the fore of their minds feels a lot like catching frogs—slick and lurching and altogether not hugely successful.

howie manages first, wrangles a hefty one and presents it to ellie like a consolation prize. ‘bad night?’

ellie mulls it over. gives basically nothing back with a blank, ‘nah.’ they would complain about it but then she gives them the kind of frog that turns into a prince, with a little effort. she says, ‘couldn’t sleep. i’ve been thinking about proposing to dina.’

howie blinks. reaches behind their back to where they had set the bottle, nestled into the somewhat wonky tiles of the roof. they drink, and put it back. ‘holy shit,’ howie says. ‘really?’

‘what? you think it’s a bad idea?’

‘no, i don’t—‘

‘you can’t think it’s a bad idea, howie, i’m—‘

‘i never said it was bad,’

‘because i love her an’, an’ she’s all i want in my life,’

‘and me.’

‘and you, of course,’ ellie agrees, slinging an arm around their waist. she pulls in a deep breath, and howie copies her; the stars spin over their head and they breathe more deeply, feeling their chest expand, feeling the rush of a star-struck night fill them.

‘i wanna marry her,’ ellie says, the stars and howie as witness.

‘then you gotta do it!’

‘but you said,’

‘i said holy shit,’ howie tells her. they’re pretty sure that’s what they’d said—it sounds like what they’d say to something like that. they grip her tight, sling a hand up to pat her smile-creased cheek, to settle on her far shoulder and they give her a gentle shake, the boisterous love in their heart and hands too much to keep back. ‘i think it’s great!’

‘you do?’ ellie asks them, voice gentle and more vulnerable than she usually allows herself to be.

it’s so much, what howie sees in her—love constant and strong and fierce as the river that courses far below them, warm like fire, growing always growing like the earth, the trees, as endless as the sky—and they know, they know it’s their thoughts growing unprompted from their drinks but they’ve seen it with their own eyes, seen ellie leap—roaring—into the heart of a fray for dina. seen her cry, and kiss her, and laugh more than ever, and that kinda love…

howie settles, curls their hand over her shoulder to offer a place of stillness. if they feel dizzy at the thought of it, god knows ellie must be tripping always. they blink slowly at her and feel a warmth of an entirely different kind to the stomach-strip heat of bad alcohol settling over their skin, making them shiver and smile wide, wider than is uncomfortable.

‘why—why are you looking at me like that?’

‘i’m just,’ howie reaches a shaky hand up, swipes at their cheek, at the tears there. ‘wow, i’m so fucking happy.’

‘you’re grimacing,’

‘this is a smile, you jackass,’

ellie squints at them, clearly unimpressed. ‘it looks painful,’ she says doubtfully.

‘why do i put up with you?’ howie demands, and they fist the back of ellie’s shirt and twist their body toward her, pulling her into a great hug that ellie sinks fiercely into, returns it just as tightly. ‘i get to be your right hand, yeah?’ they ask after some time and ellie smiles into their shoulder, hugs a little more tightly.

‘yeah.’

‘fuckin’ A, ‘cause i’ve got plans.’

//

they climb down from the watchtower roof early in the morning and take the seat beneath the sprawling oak, laugh about how lucky they are it hasn’t been claimed. forgetting that all reasonable folk are asleep.

howie casts their legs over ellie’s lap, curl their arm in under her thick and warm jacket.

they talk some more—mostly drunk nonsense, though howie commands their brain to remember the way ellie describes dina’s face because they very much intend to tease her thoroughly about it later, or else recite it at the wedding—before falling asleep.

howie dreams hazily, a collage of orange-red faces and summer-yellow leaves and red red red.

‘did you two sleep here all night?’

‘shh,’ ellie whispers. whimpers, almost.

howie laughs, clutches their head. ‘oh that’s strong,’ they groan. ‘i didn’t know it’d be that strong.’

‘you two count yourselves lucky i’m not making you go to the clinic. cleaning out bedpans would sort y’out,’ perry says, definitely louder and doing nothing to soften the strident edge to her voice. ‘as it is,’ she continues, and howie turns their head into ellie’s shoulder so they don’t laugh at perry’s obvious soft spot for ellie, ‘they’re just about set up for breakfast. a cup’ll put you both to rights.’

‘yes, perry,’ howie says sweetly, as ellie chimes in with a, ‘right away, perry.’

‘you’re very stupid sleeping out in the open like this,’ she tells them, and they agree with her again, and when howie finally opens their eyes it’s to the sight of perry marching swiftly away.

‘she likes to be right, that woman,’ ellie tells howie, the fondness in her words only stopping where it butts up against the strain of speaking at all.

‘you look like shit.’

ellie groans. ‘your fault.’

‘guilty. god,’ howie scrapes a hand over their head, feels a tiny rush of delight that their hair tie hasn’t snapped. ‘glad dina isn’t here.’

‘uh, yeah,’ ellie agrees so forcefully she almost pukes.

‘not because of any of that,’ howie waves her off. ‘because she never gets a fucking hangover. actually,’

‘do not give my girl that trash.’

‘noted.’ howie stands slowly, groaning like they’ve heard joel and tommy do after sitting for too long, and they put their hands on their back and stretch until their spine pops with a series of satisfying cracks. ‘coffee.’

‘coffee,’ ellie agrees. holds a lazy hand out for them to haul her up to her feet.

//

‘does she even prescribe to the idea of marriage?’ ellie asks them later, hands curled around a mug of steaming coffee, feet kicked up onto the railing that encircles the porch. the sun reaches golden fingers up over their sky. ‘maybe she doesn’t. the whole thing is a bit insane in an apocalypse.’

‘is it still one?’ howie rocks back in their chair. ‘i figure we are well into post-apoc. surviving now with the after effects, y’know.’

‘does it look like i care about details like that?’

howie slowly shifts their gaze to ellie, not wanting to strain pained eyes. ‘no,’ they say a moment later, seeing how unimpressed she looks. and, though they would never mention it without an audience for her to get teased in front of, she looks like shit.

maybe they won’t mention it at all. after all, they don’t feel their best either.

‘definitely, you do not appear to care about details like that.’

‘no. that’s right.’

‘still, why wouldn’t she want to get married?’

‘some people don’t. it’s just a word. literally a piece of paper tommy writes YALL WEDDED on and you stick it in a drawer.’

‘he’s almost legible now,’ howie agrees fondly.

ellie laughs, clinks her mug to theirs in a silent cheers.

they drink and slowly feel themselves come awake, alive, more put together.

‘you want to, though?’ howie asks, careful to keep their words quiet and discreet in case some of the wandering breakfast folk are in a mind to eavesdrop.

‘yep. got a ring and everything.’ she pulls her other hand from her pocket—howie realising then that it had been tucked away there for some time—and they catch a very brief glimpse of a gold band before she slips her hand away again.

‘wanna sound more excited about it?’

‘nope,’ ellie says with a forced laugh. her eyes are dark and wide and howie figures she probably doesn’t want to want it as much as she does.

she has a terrible habit of assuming she won’t get the things she wants.

‘only thing for it is to ask her,’ howie tells her after a long while and they take her mug in for a refill. they settle next to her on a slightly too small for two seat, lean in to her shoulder. their hair tie snaps and flings out somewhere into the garden at the pressure. ‘fuck! anyway,’ they slide the mug back into her hand, pleased to note there’s warmth and colour in her fingertips. ‘she loves you, ellie. you should ask.’

[owolau]

For the ask thing, I'm on mobile so literally all of them or the ones you haven't answered yet

thaaaaaat’s a lot and i got like, 5 from the disgusting squad so might as well do everything here

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

i am physically unable to sleep if those are open

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

nah

(3) Can You Whistle?

not at all

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ last thing i searched was this cover of Jump Up, Super Star!

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

probably lilac

(6) Relationship Status.

taken…so nice to answer this question like this

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

31ºC (or 87ºF, according to google), this is pretty chill for a summer day

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

EVERY SINGLE TIME

(9) How Many Followers?

116

(10) Zodiac Sign.

scorpio

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

dark maroon brown

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

nope

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

nay

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

does manga count? i guess i’m on the middle of the second volume of akuma no riddle

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“aceitar tr. y prnl. Untar, bañar con aceite.”

(16) Favourite Anime?

code geass! …jojo’s is catching up

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

parents

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

ehhhh the fire emblem amiibos i guess

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

pasta

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

nu

(21) Favourite Animal?

again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ penguins i think?

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

no

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

…4am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

nah

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

i’d swim across the ocean!pool

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

there are plenty of cool ones, there’s mine, mel’s and loptyr’s is damn fine

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled water full stop

(28) What Makes You Happy?

my continued existence and most people involving it

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

with

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

catgirls

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

blue is nice i guess

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

Nintendo Switch

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

this time ocean wins

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

i don’t believe, tragically

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

dark blue

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

nop

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

save it to spend it later

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

i guess? it’s the wario smash amiibo’s pink pants

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

How To Dry Ocean

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

nay

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

yUP

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

not often

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

they’re nice, better than boats

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

star wars ep1 made me cry from boredom this is the last time i cried btw

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

……hatsune miku as well

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

YUP

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

extremely so

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

no

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

…not really

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

nah

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

butchering pumpkins sounds fun but it’d leave a mess, so present wrapping

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Hatsune Miku - Tell Your World

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

mediterranean summer of doom

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

mel. i could go for some fries right now…i could always go for some fries

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

cis male

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

chocolate milk

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

hardly, considering i’m in the summer between high school and university

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

mel beat me to an equation for a straight line so huh, that

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

…no

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

chandelure!

(64) Favourite Social Media?

tumblr wins by default cuz it’s the only one i use…

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

ehhhh they’re fun i guess? not like i use them

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

not really

(67) Are You A Virgin?

tragically so

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

we’re out of the one i usually use…this is my replacement

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free? (also asked by bell)

don’t underestimate what i’d do for 60 bucks

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

ye

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

i am completely uninterested in the film world, i just tag along with my friends

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

not like i have an ex to miss

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

last week i said some really quotable bs but now i forgot it so we’re all in mourning

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

blue and green are cute and fancy and all but brown is where it’s at

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

the swings are the most powerful liminal space of them all

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

pistachios

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

fire emblem heroes and the magikarp one, but i only play feh

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

duh, what heartless jackass wouldn’t?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

only 5? weak

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

why would i

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

tricky question. depends on my mood

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

i don’t wear any hand accessories (or any accessories for that matter)

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

closed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today? (asked by both bell and mel, i’ll list 6)

roasted myself under the brutal sun, cooked some pasta, watched jojo’s, watched mel’s private hentai stream for the disgusting discord squad, slept, moved my tablenot necessarily in that order

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed? (mel asked this!)

pjs! if it’s very hot i’ll take my shirt off, maybe

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

this pretty face needs no beauty products! bs olau you get a beauty mask every so often

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

when you spend your day in front of a computer, does it really matter?evening & night > morning & midday imo

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

i’ll cut this short by listing all the games in my laptop

Fire Emblem: Thracia 776

it’s a new laptop and i got almost no games in it lmaoooooooo

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

…i can’t recall any dreams rn whoops

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

i only drink water, milk and orange juice what is “soda”?

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)…i like the sound of fire, too

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? (also asked by mel!)

jeans by far

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

cute? beautiful?? simply outstanding???? also tired af, i need to do something about these eye bags

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

hot baths ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

i’d rather not get ink in my skin, thank you

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

ehhhhh mangs is entertaining i guess

FREE AT LAST

[networkingdefinition]

Women Quotes

Official Website: Women Quotes

  • A godly man is never threatened by the gifts of a godly woman. – Rick Warren • A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point. Thats basic spelling that every woman ought to know. – Mistinguett • A woman at 20 is like ice, at 30 she is warm and at 40 she is hot. – Gina Lollobrigida • A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. – Arnold Haultain • A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it. – D. H. Lawrence • A woman in love is a very poor judge of character. – J. G. Holland • A woman is a dish for the gods, if the devil dress her not. – William Shakespeare • A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows. – Nicolas Chamfort • A woman is sometimes fugitive, irrational, indeterminable, illogical and contradictory. A great deal of forbearance ought to be shown her, and a good deal of prudence exercised with regard to her, for she may bring about innumerable evils without knowing it. Capable of all kinds of devotion, and of all kinds of treason, monster incomprehensible, raised to the second power, she is at once the delight and the terror of man. – Henri Frederic Amiel • A woman moved is like a fountain troubled, Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty. – William Shakespeare • A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult. – Melinda Gates • A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. – Jane Austen • A woman’s counsel brought us first to woe, And made her man his paradise forego, Where at heart’s ease he liv’d; and might have been As free from sorrow as he was from sin. – John Dryden • A woman’s guess is much more accurate than a man’s certainty. – Rudyard Kipling • A woman’s lot is made for her by the love she accepts. – George Eliot • A young man rarely gets a better vision of himself than that which is reflected from a true woman’s eyes; for God himself sits behind them. – J. G. Holland • All the reasonings of men are not worth one sentiment of women. – Voltaire • America is a land where men govern, but women rule. – John Mason Brown • An elegant woman is a woman who despises you and has no hair under her arms. – Salvador Dali • An inconstant woman is one who is no longer in love; a false woman is one who is already in love with another person; a fickle woman is she who neither knows whom she loves nor whether she loves or not; and the indifferent woman, one who does not love at all. – Jean de la Bruyere • Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget. – Robert Jordan • As the vine which has long twined its graceful foliage about the oak and been lifted by it into sunshine, will, when the hardy plant is rifted by the thunderbolt, cling round it with its caressing tendrils and bind up its shattered boughs, so is it beautifully ordered by Providence that woman, who is the mere dependent and ornament of man in his happier hours, should be his stay and solace when smitten with sudden calamity, winding herself into the rugged recesses of his nature, tenderly supporting the drooping head, and binding up the broken heart. – Washington Irving

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Prodcut', keywords: 'Women', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_women').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_women img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Be not ashamed women, … You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul. – Walt Whitman • Being a woman is hard work. – Maya Angelou • But what is woman? Only one of nature’s agreeable blunders. – Abraham Cowley • But woman’s grief is like a summer storm, Short as it violent is. – Joanna Baillie

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

• Christ has lifted woman to a new place in the world. And just in proportion as Christianity has sway, will she rise to a higher dignity in human life. What she has now, and what she shall have, of privilege and true honor, she owes to that gospel which took those qualities peculiarly and which had been counted weak and unworthy, and gave them a Divine glory in Christ. – Herrick Johnson • Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. – William Shakespeare • Don’t wait for the good woman. She doesn’t exist. – Charles Bukowski • Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman. – Coco Chanel • Even the most powerful woman needs a place to unwind. – Barbara Taylor Bradford • Every woman deserves a man to ruin her lipstick, not her mascara – Charlotte Tilbury • Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. – Paris Hilton • Every woman wants a man who’ll fall in love with her soul as well as her body. – Rainbow Rowell • Feminism is the most revolutionary idea there has ever been. Equality for women demands a change in the human psyche, more profound than anything Marx dreamed of. It means valuing parenthood as much as we value banking. – Polly Toynbee • Feminism’s agenda is basic: It asks that women not be forced to ‘choose’ between public justice and private happiness. – Susan Faludi • For the nature of a women is closely allied to art. [Ger., Denn das Naturell der Frauen Ist so nah mit Kunst verwandt.] – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe • For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women. – Elizabeth Blackwell • God in his harmony has equal ends For cedar that resists and reed that bends; For good it is a woman sometimes rules, Holds in her hand the power, and manners, schools, And laws, and mind; succeeding master proud, With gentle voice and smiles she leads the crowd, The somber human troop. – Victor Hugo • Good women always think it is their fault when someone else is being offensive. Bad women never take the blame for anything. – Anita Brookner • Grounded in international human rights, gender equality doesn’t just improve the lives of individual women, girls, and their families; it makes economic sense, strengthens democracy, and enables long-term sustainable progress. – Helen Clark • Happiness lends poetic charms to woman, and dress adorns her like a delicate tinge of rouge. – Honore de Balzac • Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. – George Carlin • Honor women! they entwine and weave heavenly roses in our earthly life. – Friedrich Schiller • I am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberatorsthey fought slavery, fought for women to have the right to vote, fought against Hitler, Stalin, fought to end segregation, fought to end apartheid. Liberals put an end to child labor and they gave us the five day work week! What’s to be ashamed of? – Barbra Streisand • I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I’m a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other. – Paulo Coelho • I am woman, hear me roar, in numbers too big to ignore, and I know too much to go back and pretend. – Helen Reddy • I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. – Susan B. Anthony • I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce. – Margaret Mead • I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves. – Mary Wollstonecraft • I don’t think there is any such thing as an ordinary mortal. Everybody has his own possibility of rapture in the experience of life. All he has to do is recognize it and then cultivate it and get going with it. I always feel uncomfortable when people speak about ordinary mortals because I’ve never met an ordinary man, woman, or child. – Joseph Campbell • I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man. – George Meredith • I guess at the end of the day, all women like to be appreciated and treated with respect and kindness. – Sofia Vergara • I hate women because they always know where things are. – Voltaire • I have seen too much not to know that the impression of a woman may be more valuable than the conclusion of an analytical reasoner. – Arthur Conan Doyle • I like being a woman, even in a man’s world. After all, men can’t wear dresses, but we can wear the pants. – Whitney Houston • I like men who have a future and women who have a past. – Oscar Wilde • I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you’re important and nice, but you take second place all the same. – Iris Murdoch • I think God made a woman to be strong and not to be trampled under the feet of men. I’ve always felt this way because my mother was a very strong woman, without a husband. – Little Richard • I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We’ve been taught that silence would save us, but it won’t. – Audre Lorde • I, Woman, am that wonder-breathing rose That blossoms in the garden of the King. – Elsa Barker • If a man hasn’t what’s necessary to make a woman love him, it’s his fault, not hers. – W. Somerset Maugham • If a woman hasn’t got a tiny streak of harlot in her, she’s a dry stick as a rule. – D. H. Lawrence • If a woman shows too often the Medusa’s head, she must not be astonished if her lover is turned into stone. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow • If God made anything better than women, I think he kept it for himself. – Kris Kristofferson • If there be any one whose power is in beauty, in purity, in goodness, it is a woman. – Henry Ward Beecher • If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business. – Gail Dines • If women ran the world, we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. – Robin Williams • I’m just a person trapped inside a woman’s body. – Elayne Boosler • I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish. God Almighty made ’em to match the men. – George Eliot • In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs. – Francois Truffaut • In revenge and in love, woman is more barbarous than man. – Friedrich Nietzsche • Intimacies between women often go backwards, beginning in revelations and ending in small talk. – Elizabeth Bowen • Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate? – Germaine Greer • It is a common enough case, that of a man being suddenly captivated by a woman nearly the opposite of his ideal. – George Eliot • It is God who makes woman beautiful, it is the devil who makes her pretty. – Victor Hugo • It is the plain women who know about love; the beautiful women are too busy being fascinating. – Katharine Hepburn • It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union…. Men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less – Susan B. Anthony • It’s called civilization. Women invented it, and every time you men blow it all to bits, we just invent it again. – Orson Scott Card • It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. – Tallulah Bankhead • Let a woman have her place, because as you provide foundation for her, she provides a foundation for you. And through that vulnerability comes strength. – Shemar Moore • Let me tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a wheel. It gives a woman a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. It makes her feel as if she were independent… the picture of free, untrammeled womanhood. – Susan B. Anthony • Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. – Khaled Hosseini • Loveliest of women! heaven is in thy soul, Beauty and virtue shine forever round thee, Bright’ning each other! thou art all divine! – Joseph Addison • Man is the only animal that strikes his women-folk. – Jeannie Gunn • Men are misers, and women prodigal, in affection. – Alphonse de Lamartine • Men know that women are an overmatch for them, and therefore they choose the weakest or the most ignorant. If they did not think so, they never could be afraid of women knowing as much as themselves. – Samuel Johnson • Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. – Albert Einstein • Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. – H. L. Mencken • Modern invention has banished the spinning wheel, and the same law of progress makes the woman of today a different woman from her grandmother. – Susan B. Anthony • Most women have no characters at all. – Alexander Pope • Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him. – Marlene Dietrich • Never expect women to be sincere, so long as they are educated to think that their first aim in life is to please. – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach • Next to God we are indebted to women, first for life itself, and then for making it worth living. – Mary McLeod Bethune • No man who respects his mother or loves his sister, can speak disparagingly of any woman; however low she may seem to have sunk, she is still a woman. I want every man to remember this. Every woman is, or, at some time, has been a sister or daughter. – Victoria Woodhull • No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. – Kin Hubbard • No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it. – Barbara Mertz • O woman! thou wert fashioned to beguile: So have all sages said, all poets sung. – Jean Ingelow • O woman, born first to believe us; Yea, also born first to forget; Born first to betray and deceive us, Yet first to repent and regret. – Joaquin Miller • Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow, a herb most bruised is woman. – Euripides • Oh woman! lovely woman! nature made thee To temper man; we had been brutes without you; Angels are painted fair to look like you; There’s in you all that we believe of heaven, Amazing brightness, purity, and truth, Eternal joy, and everlasting love. – Thomas Otway • Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother’s wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women. – Daniel Handler • Pretty women without religion are like flowers without perfume. – Heinrich Heine • Regard the society of women as a necessary unpleasantness of social life, and avoid it as much as possible. – Leo Tolstoy • Sensibility is the power of woman. – Johann Kaspar Lavater • She’s the sort of woman who lives for others – you can tell the others by their hunted expression. – C. S. Lewis • So much has been said and sung of beautiful young girls, why doesn’t somebody wake up to the beauty of old women. – Harriet Beecher Stowe • Social science affirms that a woman’s place in society marks the level of civilization. – Elizabeth Cady Stanton • Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can’t be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time. – Helen Rowland • Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece. – Robert Bloch • Taught from infancy that beauty is woman’s sceptre, the mind shapes itself to the body, and roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison. – Mary Wollstonecraft • That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them. – Dorothy Parker • The day will come when men will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race.- Susan B. Anthony • The economic dependence of women is perhaps the greatest injustice that has been done to us, and has worked the greatest injury to the race. – Nellie L. McClung • The fear of women is the beginning of knowledge. – Gelett Burgess • The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’ – Sigmund Freud • The heart of true womanhood knows where its own sphere is, and never seeks to stray beyond it! – Nathaniel Hawthorne • The life of woman is full of woe, Toiling on and on and on, With breaking heart, and tearful eyes, The secret longings that arise, Which this world never satisfies! Some more, some less, but of the whole Not one quite happy, no, not one! – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow • The majority of women have no principles of their own; they are guided by the heart, and depend for their own conduct, upon that of the men they love. – Jean de la Bruyere • The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life. – Oscar Wilde • The role of women in the development of society is of utmost importance. In fact, it is the only thing that determines whether a society is strong and harmonious, or otherwise. Women are the backbone of society. – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar • The sexual life of adult women is a “dark continent” for psychology. – Sigmund Freud • The taste forever refines in the study of women. – Nathaniel Parker Willis • The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. – Roseanne Barr • The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its womanhood. – Mary McLeod Bethune • The truth is, I often like women. I like their unconventionality. I like their completeness. I like their anonymity. – Virginia Woolf • The vote means nothing to women. We should be armed. – Edna O’Brien • The weakness of their reasoning faculty also explains why women show more sympathy for the unfortunate than men;… and why, on the contrary, they are inferior to men as regards justice, and less honourable and conscientious. – Arthur Schopenhauer • The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. – Margaret D. Nadauld • The world is the book of women. Whatever knowledge they may possess is more commonly acquired by observation than by reading. – Jean-Jacques Rousseau • The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women’s. – Diane de Poitiers • There are few women whose charm survives their beauty. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld • There are only two kinds of women, the plain and the coloured. – Oscar Wilde • There are only two types of women – goddesses and doormats. – Pablo Picasso • There aren’t any hard women, only soft men. – Raquel Welch • There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. – Melanie Griffith • There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. – Madeleine Albright • There is no gown or garment that worse becomes a woman than when she will be wise. – Martin Luther • Thou art a woman, And that is saying the best and worst of thee. – Philip James Bailey • To describe women, the pen should be dipped in the humid colors of the rainbow, and the paper dried with the dust gathered from the wings of a butterfly. – Denis Diderot • Until women assume their rightful place on earth there will never be an end to wars, cruelty and oppression. – Frederick Lenz • We ask justice, we ask equality, we ask that all the civil and political rights that belong to citizens of the United States, be guaranteed to us and our daughters forever. – Susan B. Anthony • We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal. – Elizabeth Cady Stanton • We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free. – Kavita Ramdas • We still live in a world in which a significant fraction of people, including women, believe that a woman belongs and wants to belong exclusively in the home. – Rosalyn Sussman Yalow • We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. – Margaret Atwood • What mighty ills have not been done by woman! Who was’t betray’d the Capitol? A woman; Who lost Mark Antony the world? A woman; Who was the cause of a long ten years’ war, And laid at last old Troy is ashes? Woman; Destructive, damnable, deceitful woman! – Thomas Otway • What mighty woes To thy imperial race from woman rose. – Homer • What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. – Mark Twain • When a woman behaves like a man why doesn’t she behave like a nice man? – Edith Evans • When a woman loves you she’s not satisfied until she possesses your soul. Because she’s weak, she has a rage for domination, and nothing less will satisfy her. – W. Somerset Maugham • When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, “Do what you like now.” – Leo Tolstoy • When you look fear in the face, you are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ – Eleanor Roosevelt • When you meet a man who is broken, pick him up and carry him. When you meet a woman who’s broken, put her all into your arms. Cause we don’t know where we come from … we don’t know where we are. – Laurie Anderson • Where there is a woman there is magic. – Ntozake Shange • Why are women… so much more interesting to men than men are to women? – Virginia Woolf • Woman is a delightful instrument of pleasure, but it is necessary to know its trembling strings, to study the position of them, the timid keyboard, the fingering so changeful and capricious which befits it. – Honore de Balzac • Woman is more impressionable than man. Therefore in the Golden Age they were better than men. Now they are worse. – Leo Tolstoy • Woman is superlative; the best leader in life, the best guide in happy days, the best consoler in sorrow. – Johann Gottfried Seume • Woman is the companion of man, gifted with equal mental capacity. – Mahatma Gandhi • Woman is the highest, holiest, most precious gift to man. Her mission and throne is the family, and if anything is withheld that would make her more efficient, useful, or happy in that sphere, she is wronged, and has not her rights. – John Todd • Woman’s degradation is in mans idea of his sexual rights. Our religion, laws, customs, are all founded on the belief that woman was made for man. – Elizabeth Cady Stanton • Women are a new race, recreated since the world received Christianity. – Henry Ward Beecher • Women are always beautiful. – Ville Valo • Women are more powerful than they think. A mother’s warmth is the essence of motivation. If we could liquefy the encouragement, care and compassion we deliver to our children it would surely fill an expanse greater than the Pacific. – Louise Burfitt-Dons • Women are most adorable when they are afraid; that’s why they frighten so easily. – Ludwig Borne • Women are most fascinating between the ages of 35 and 40 after they have won a few races and know how to pace themselves. Since few women ever pass 40, maximum fascination can continue indefinitely. – Christian Dior • Women are nothing but machines for producing children. – Napoleon Bonaparte • Women are the cowards they are because they have been semi-slaves for so long. The number of women prepared to stand up for what they really think, feel, experience, with a man they are in love with is still very small. – Doris Lessing • Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice. – Bill Cosby • Women forgive injuries, but never forget slights. – Thomas Chandler Haliburton • Women govern us; let us render them perfect: the more they are enlightened, so much the more shall we be. On the cultivation of the mind of women depends the wisdom of men. It is by women that nature writes on the hearts of men. – Richard Brinsley Sheridan • Women have tongues of craft, and hearts of guile, They will, they will not; fools that on them trust; For in their speech is death, hell in their smile. [It., Femmina e cosa garrula e fallace: Vuole e disvuole, e folle uom chi sen fida, Si tra se volge.] – Torquato Tasso • Women may fall when there’s no strength in men. – William Shakespeare • Women must tell men always that they are the strong ones. They are the big, the strong, the wonderful. In truth, women are the strong ones. It is just my opinion, I am not a professor. – Coco Chanel • Women need to become literary “criminals,” break the literary laws and reinvent their own, because the established laws prevent women from presenting the reality of their lives. – Kathy Acker • Women of forty always fancy they have found the Fountain of Youth, and that they remain young in the midst of the ruins of their day. – Arsene Houssaye • Women only nag when they feel unappreciated. – Louis de Bernieres • Women think with their whole bodies and they see things as a whole more than men do. – Dorothy Day • You can’t beat women anyhow and that if you are wise or dislike trouble and uproar you don’t even try to. – William Faulkner • You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation. – Brigham Young • You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. – Erica Jong • You sometimes have to answer a woman according to her womanliness, just as you have to answer a fool according to his folly. – George Bernard Shaw • You’re only a man! You’ve not our gifts! I can tell you! Why, a woman can think of a hundred different things at once, all them contradictory! – Georgette Heyer

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'a', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_a').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_a img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'e', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_e').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_e img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'o', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_o').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_o img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

[equitiesstocks]

Women Quotes

Official Website: Women Quotes

  • A godly man is never threatened by the gifts of a godly woman. – Rick Warren • A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point. Thats basic spelling that every woman ought to know. – Mistinguett • A woman at 20 is like ice, at 30 she is warm and at 40 she is hot. – Gina Lollobrigida • A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. – Arnold Haultain • A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it. – D. H. Lawrence • A woman in love is a very poor judge of character. – J. G. Holland • A woman is a dish for the gods, if the devil dress her not. – William Shakespeare • A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows. – Nicolas Chamfort • A woman is sometimes fugitive, irrational, indeterminable, illogical and contradictory. A great deal of forbearance ought to be shown her, and a good deal of prudence exercised with regard to her, for she may bring about innumerable evils without knowing it. Capable of all kinds of devotion, and of all kinds of treason, monster incomprehensible, raised to the second power, she is at once the delight and the terror of man. – Henri Frederic Amiel • A woman moved is like a fountain troubled, Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty. – William Shakespeare • A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult. – Melinda Gates • A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. – Jane Austen • A woman’s counsel brought us first to woe, And made her man his paradise forego, Where at heart’s ease he liv’d; and might have been As free from sorrow as he was from sin. – John Dryden • A woman’s guess is much more accurate than a man’s certainty. – Rudyard Kipling • A woman’s lot is made for her by the love she accepts. – George Eliot • A young man rarely gets a better vision of himself than that which is reflected from a true woman’s eyes; for God himself sits behind them. – J. G. Holland • All the reasonings of men are not worth one sentiment of women. – Voltaire • America is a land where men govern, but women rule. – John Mason Brown • An elegant woman is a woman who despises you and has no hair under her arms. – Salvador Dali • An inconstant woman is one who is no longer in love; a false woman is one who is already in love with another person; a fickle woman is she who neither knows whom she loves nor whether she loves or not; and the indifferent woman, one who does not love at all. – Jean de la Bruyere • Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget. – Robert Jordan • As the vine which has long twined its graceful foliage about the oak and been lifted by it into sunshine, will, when the hardy plant is rifted by the thunderbolt, cling round it with its caressing tendrils and bind up its shattered boughs, so is it beautifully ordered by Providence that woman, who is the mere dependent and ornament of man in his happier hours, should be his stay and solace when smitten with sudden calamity, winding herself into the rugged recesses of his nature, tenderly supporting the drooping head, and binding up the broken heart. – Washington Irving

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Prodcut', keywords: 'Women', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_women').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_women img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Be not ashamed women, … You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul. – Walt Whitman • Being a woman is hard work. – Maya Angelou • But what is woman? Only one of nature’s agreeable blunders. – Abraham Cowley • But woman’s grief is like a summer storm, Short as it violent is. – Joanna Baillie

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

• Christ has lifted woman to a new place in the world. And just in proportion as Christianity has sway, will she rise to a higher dignity in human life. What she has now, and what she shall have, of privilege and true honor, she owes to that gospel which took those qualities peculiarly and which had been counted weak and unworthy, and gave them a Divine glory in Christ. – Herrick Johnson • Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. – William Shakespeare • Don’t wait for the good woman. She doesn’t exist. – Charles Bukowski • Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman. – Coco Chanel • Even the most powerful woman needs a place to unwind. – Barbara Taylor Bradford • Every woman deserves a man to ruin her lipstick, not her mascara – Charlotte Tilbury • Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. – Paris Hilton • Every woman wants a man who’ll fall in love with her soul as well as her body. – Rainbow Rowell • Feminism is the most revolutionary idea there has ever been. Equality for women demands a change in the human psyche, more profound than anything Marx dreamed of. It means valuing parenthood as much as we value banking. – Polly Toynbee • Feminism’s agenda is basic: It asks that women not be forced to ‘choose’ between public justice and private happiness. – Susan Faludi • For the nature of a women is closely allied to art. [Ger., Denn das Naturell der Frauen Ist so nah mit Kunst verwandt.] – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe • For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women. – Elizabeth Blackwell • God in his harmony has equal ends For cedar that resists and reed that bends; For good it is a woman sometimes rules, Holds in her hand the power, and manners, schools, And laws, and mind; succeeding master proud, With gentle voice and smiles she leads the crowd, The somber human troop. – Victor Hugo • Good women always think it is their fault when someone else is being offensive. Bad women never take the blame for anything. – Anita Brookner • Grounded in international human rights, gender equality doesn’t just improve the lives of individual women, girls, and their families; it makes economic sense, strengthens democracy, and enables long-term sustainable progress. – Helen Clark • Happiness lends poetic charms to woman, and dress adorns her like a delicate tinge of rouge. – Honore de Balzac • Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. – George Carlin • Honor women! they entwine and weave heavenly roses in our earthly life. – Friedrich Schiller • I am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberatorsthey fought slavery, fought for women to have the right to vote, fought against Hitler, Stalin, fought to end segregation, fought to end apartheid. Liberals put an end to child labor and they gave us the five day work week! What’s to be ashamed of? – Barbra Streisand • I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I’m a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other. – Paulo Coelho • I am woman, hear me roar, in numbers too big to ignore, and I know too much to go back and pretend. – Helen Reddy • I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. – Susan B. Anthony • I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce. – Margaret Mead • I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves. – Mary Wollstonecraft • I don’t think there is any such thing as an ordinary mortal. Everybody has his own possibility of rapture in the experience of life. All he has to do is recognize it and then cultivate it and get going with it. I always feel uncomfortable when people speak about ordinary mortals because I’ve never met an ordinary man, woman, or child. – Joseph Campbell • I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man. – George Meredith • I guess at the end of the day, all women like to be appreciated and treated with respect and kindness. – Sofia Vergara • I hate women because they always know where things are. – Voltaire • I have seen too much not to know that the impression of a woman may be more valuable than the conclusion of an analytical reasoner. – Arthur Conan Doyle • I like being a woman, even in a man’s world. After all, men can’t wear dresses, but we can wear the pants. – Whitney Houston • I like men who have a future and women who have a past. – Oscar Wilde • I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you’re important and nice, but you take second place all the same. – Iris Murdoch • I think God made a woman to be strong and not to be trampled under the feet of men. I’ve always felt this way because my mother was a very strong woman, without a husband. – Little Richard • I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We’ve been taught that silence would save us, but it won’t. – Audre Lorde • I, Woman, am that wonder-breathing rose That blossoms in the garden of the King. – Elsa Barker • If a man hasn’t what’s necessary to make a woman love him, it’s his fault, not hers. – W. Somerset Maugham • If a woman hasn’t got a tiny streak of harlot in her, she’s a dry stick as a rule. – D. H. Lawrence • If a woman shows too often the Medusa’s head, she must not be astonished if her lover is turned into stone. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow • If God made anything better than women, I think he kept it for himself. – Kris Kristofferson • If there be any one whose power is in beauty, in purity, in goodness, it is a woman. – Henry Ward Beecher • If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business. – Gail Dines • If women ran the world, we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. – Robin Williams • I’m just a person trapped inside a woman’s body. – Elayne Boosler • I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish. God Almighty made ’em to match the men. – George Eliot • In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs. – Francois Truffaut • In revenge and in love, woman is more barbarous than man. – Friedrich Nietzsche • Intimacies between women often go backwards, beginning in revelations and ending in small talk. – Elizabeth Bowen • Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate? – Germaine Greer • It is a common enough case, that of a man being suddenly captivated by a woman nearly the opposite of his ideal. – George Eliot • It is God who makes woman beautiful, it is the devil who makes her pretty. – Victor Hugo • It is the plain women who know about love; the beautiful women are too busy being fascinating. – Katharine Hepburn • It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union…. Men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less – Susan B. Anthony • It’s called civilization. Women invented it, and every time you men blow it all to bits, we just invent it again. – Orson Scott Card • It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. – Tallulah Bankhead • Let a woman have her place, because as you provide foundation for her, she provides a foundation for you. And through that vulnerability comes strength. – Shemar Moore • Let me tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a wheel. It gives a woman a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. It makes her feel as if she were independent… the picture of free, untrammeled womanhood. – Susan B. Anthony • Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. – Khaled Hosseini • Loveliest of women! heaven is in thy soul, Beauty and virtue shine forever round thee, Bright’ning each other! thou art all divine! – Joseph Addison • Man is the only animal that strikes his women-folk. – Jeannie Gunn • Men are misers, and women prodigal, in affection. – Alphonse de Lamartine • Men know that women are an overmatch for them, and therefore they choose the weakest or the most ignorant. If they did not think so, they never could be afraid of women knowing as much as themselves. – Samuel Johnson • Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. – Albert Einstein • Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. – H. L. Mencken • Modern invention has banished the spinning wheel, and the same law of progress makes the woman of today a different woman from her grandmother. – Susan B. Anthony • Most women have no characters at all. – Alexander Pope • Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him. – Marlene Dietrich • Never expect women to be sincere, so long as they are educated to think that their first aim in life is to please. – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach • Next to God we are indebted to women, first for life itself, and then for making it worth living. – Mary McLeod Bethune • No man who respects his mother or loves his sister, can speak disparagingly of any woman; however low she may seem to have sunk, she is still a woman. I want every man to remember this. Every woman is, or, at some time, has been a sister or daughter. – Victoria Woodhull • No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. – Kin Hubbard • No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it. – Barbara Mertz • O woman! thou wert fashioned to beguile: So have all sages said, all poets sung. – Jean Ingelow • O woman, born first to believe us; Yea, also born first to forget; Born first to betray and deceive us, Yet first to repent and regret. – Joaquin Miller • Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow, a herb most bruised is woman. – Euripides • Oh woman! lovely woman! nature made thee To temper man; we had been brutes without you; Angels are painted fair to look like you; There’s in you all that we believe of heaven, Amazing brightness, purity, and truth, Eternal joy, and everlasting love. – Thomas Otway • Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother’s wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women. – Daniel Handler • Pretty women without religion are like flowers without perfume. – Heinrich Heine • Regard the society of women as a necessary unpleasantness of social life, and avoid it as much as possible. – Leo Tolstoy • Sensibility is the power of woman. – Johann Kaspar Lavater • She’s the sort of woman who lives for others – you can tell the others by their hunted expression. – C. S. Lewis • So much has been said and sung of beautiful young girls, why doesn’t somebody wake up to the beauty of old women. – Harriet Beecher Stowe • Social science affirms that a woman’s place in society marks the level of civilization. – Elizabeth Cady Stanton • Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can’t be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time. – Helen Rowland • Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece. – Robert Bloch • Taught from infancy that beauty is woman’s sceptre, the mind shapes itself to the body, and roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison. – Mary Wollstonecraft • That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them. – Dorothy Parker • The day will come when men will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race.- Susan B. Anthony • The economic dependence of women is perhaps the greatest injustice that has been done to us, and has worked the greatest injury to the race. – Nellie L. McClung • The fear of women is the beginning of knowledge. – Gelett Burgess • The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’ – Sigmund Freud • The heart of true womanhood knows where its own sphere is, and never seeks to stray beyond it! – Nathaniel Hawthorne • The life of woman is full of woe, Toiling on and on and on, With breaking heart, and tearful eyes, The secret longings that arise, Which this world never satisfies! Some more, some less, but of the whole Not one quite happy, no, not one! – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow • The majority of women have no principles of their own; they are guided by the heart, and depend for their own conduct, upon that of the men they love. – Jean de la Bruyere • The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life. – Oscar Wilde • The role of women in the development of society is of utmost importance. In fact, it is the only thing that determines whether a society is strong and harmonious, or otherwise. Women are the backbone of society. – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar • The sexual life of adult women is a “dark continent” for psychology. – Sigmund Freud • The taste forever refines in the study of women. – Nathaniel Parker Willis • The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. – Roseanne Barr • The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its womanhood. – Mary McLeod Bethune • The truth is, I often like women. I like their unconventionality. I like their completeness. I like their anonymity. – Virginia Woolf • The vote means nothing to women. We should be armed. – Edna O’Brien • The weakness of their reasoning faculty also explains why women show more sympathy for the unfortunate than men;… and why, on the contrary, they are inferior to men as regards justice, and less honourable and conscientious. – Arthur Schopenhauer • The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. – Margaret D. Nadauld • The world is the book of women. Whatever knowledge they may possess is more commonly acquired by observation than by reading. – Jean-Jacques Rousseau • The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women’s. – Diane de Poitiers • There are few women whose charm survives their beauty. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld • There are only two kinds of women, the plain and the coloured. – Oscar Wilde • There are only two types of women – goddesses and doormats. – Pablo Picasso • There aren’t any hard women, only soft men. – Raquel Welch • There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. – Melanie Griffith • There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. – Madeleine Albright • There is no gown or garment that worse becomes a woman than when she will be wise. – Martin Luther • Thou art a woman, And that is saying the best and worst of thee. – Philip James Bailey • To describe women, the pen should be dipped in the humid colors of the rainbow, and the paper dried with the dust gathered from the wings of a butterfly. – Denis Diderot • Until women assume their rightful place on earth there will never be an end to wars, cruelty and oppression. – Frederick Lenz • We ask justice, we ask equality, we ask that all the civil and political rights that belong to citizens of the United States, be guaranteed to us and our daughters forever. – Susan B. Anthony • We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal. – Elizabeth Cady Stanton • We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free. – Kavita Ramdas • We still live in a world in which a significant fraction of people, including women, believe that a woman belongs and wants to belong exclusively in the home. – Rosalyn Sussman Yalow • We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. – Margaret Atwood • What mighty ills have not been done by woman! Who was’t betray’d the Capitol? A woman; Who lost Mark Antony the world? A woman; Who was the cause of a long ten years’ war, And laid at last old Troy is ashes? Woman; Destructive, damnable, deceitful woman! – Thomas Otway • What mighty woes To thy imperial race from woman rose. – Homer • What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. – Mark Twain • When a woman behaves like a man why doesn’t she behave like a nice man? – Edith Evans • When a woman loves you she’s not satisfied until she possesses your soul. Because she’s weak, she has a rage for domination, and nothing less will satisfy her. – W. Somerset Maugham • When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, “Do what you like now.” – Leo Tolstoy • When you look fear in the face, you are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ – Eleanor Roosevelt • When you meet a man who is broken, pick him up and carry him. When you meet a woman who’s broken, put her all into your arms. Cause we don’t know where we come from … we don’t know where we are. – Laurie Anderson • Where there is a woman there is magic. – Ntozake Shange • Why are women… so much more interesting to men than men are to women? – Virginia Woolf • Woman is a delightful instrument of pleasure, but it is necessary to know its trembling strings, to study the position of them, the timid keyboard, the fingering so changeful and capricious which befits it. – Honore de Balzac • Woman is more impressionable than man. Therefore in the Golden Age they were better than men. Now they are worse. – Leo Tolstoy • Woman is superlative; the best leader in life, the best guide in happy days, the best consoler in sorrow. – Johann Gottfried Seume • Woman is the companion of man, gifted with equal mental capacity. – Mahatma Gandhi • Woman is the highest, holiest, most precious gift to man. Her mission and throne is the family, and if anything is withheld that would make her more efficient, useful, or happy in that sphere, she is wronged, and has not her rights. – John Todd • Woman’s degradation is in mans idea of his sexual rights. Our religion, laws, customs, are all founded on the belief that woman was made for man. – Elizabeth Cady Stanton • Women are a new race, recreated since the world received Christianity. – Henry Ward Beecher • Women are always beautiful. – Ville Valo • Women are more powerful than they think. A mother’s warmth is the essence of motivation. If we could liquefy the encouragement, care and compassion we deliver to our children it would surely fill an expanse greater than the Pacific. – Louise Burfitt-Dons • Women are most adorable when they are afraid; that’s why they frighten so easily. – Ludwig Borne • Women are most fascinating between the ages of 35 and 40 after they have won a few races and know how to pace themselves. Since few women ever pass 40, maximum fascination can continue indefinitely. – Christian Dior • Women are nothing but machines for producing children. – Napoleon Bonaparte • Women are the cowards they are because they have been semi-slaves for so long. The number of women prepared to stand up for what they really think, feel, experience, with a man they are in love with is still very small. – Doris Lessing • Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice. – Bill Cosby • Women forgive injuries, but never forget slights. – Thomas Chandler Haliburton • Women govern us; let us render them perfect: the more they are enlightened, so much the more shall we be. On the cultivation of the mind of women depends the wisdom of men. It is by women that nature writes on the hearts of men. – Richard Brinsley Sheridan • Women have tongues of craft, and hearts of guile, They will, they will not; fools that on them trust; For in their speech is death, hell in their smile. [It., Femmina e cosa garrula e fallace: Vuole e disvuole, e folle uom chi sen fida, Si tra se volge.] – Torquato Tasso • Women may fall when there’s no strength in men. – William Shakespeare • Women must tell men always that they are the strong ones. They are the big, the strong, the wonderful. In truth, women are the strong ones. It is just my opinion, I am not a professor. – Coco Chanel • Women need to become literary “criminals,” break the literary laws and reinvent their own, because the established laws prevent women from presenting the reality of their lives. – Kathy Acker • Women of forty always fancy they have found the Fountain of Youth, and that they remain young in the midst of the ruins of their day. – Arsene Houssaye • Women only nag when they feel unappreciated. – Louis de Bernieres • Women think with their whole bodies and they see things as a whole more than men do. – Dorothy Day • You can’t beat women anyhow and that if you are wise or dislike trouble and uproar you don’t even try to. – William Faulkner • You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation. – Brigham Young • You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. – Erica Jong • You sometimes have to answer a woman according to her womanliness, just as you have to answer a fool according to his folly. – George Bernard Shaw • You’re only a man! You’ve not our gifts! I can tell you! Why, a woman can think of a hundred different things at once, all them contradictory! – Georgette Heyer

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'a', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_a').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_a img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'e', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_e').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_e img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'o', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_o').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_o img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

[hottakeswithdasom]

500 Days of Summer

More like 500 days of dumber am i right

Literally horrible

Just the worst

I cant believe i watched that with my own eyes

Once again the white heteros strike back with even more filth that would make ScarJo vom. Jk

Its the same sickeningly sweet love story about a boy at his "corporate soul-sucking" job meets girl there working as the hot...wait for it... ~☆secretary☆~. Seriously? Just watch The Office. At least its actually funny. And her name is...SUMMER. WOAH. They make out at an office bar/karaoke party, but not before theres a highly intellectual conversation about how she thinks that women should be more independent abt relationships in general(like...ok) and the MC (i fukin forgot his stage name so lets call him Bob) is like "uhh but dont u care abt being married and stuff" and shes like "no not rlly" and then his JACKASS DRUNK FRIEND comes over and is like "ha does that mean ur a lesbian". Somehow, she has the self control to not rip off his dick and respond "yea women can be independent". Drunk friend guy is like "woahhh ur like a dude now". Filth

By the way, the entire movie is displayed in the typical "Vignettes scattered around for some reason" form. Its supposed to be like each day is a day of summer and so each vignette is out of 500 days. Yeah? Ok.

So Bob and Summer start going out, doing typical quirky indie stuff like listen to Beatles and The Smiths records, shouting "Penis" in a public park with children in it for no reason other to be quirky, pretending they live as husband and wife at Ikea, you know. Ugahhab they make an "Asian family" joke that makes me want to stab their eyes out. They basically start running around Ikea, being nasty lovey dovey making out on a bed in PUBLIC and Bob whispers to her "Theres an asian family in our bathroom" and the camera pans to see an asian family in the bathroom watching them.

Im so tired of asians being the butt of a joke, LIKE BILLY BOB AND SUMMER WERENT SUPPOSED MOVE THEIR WHITE NASTY ASSES OUT OF IKEA like assholes the family was minding their own fucking business and these horny bitches think they own the ikea get tf outta here that shit isnt just unfunny its racist as hell. Its supposed to make me think "aha asians? Thats so random. They shouldnt be in this movie at all, in fact, thats why its funny. Because anywhere they go, it'll always be unnatural. Even ikea."

ANYWAYS later theyre at a bar and Summer doesnt rlly want to talk to Bob and a stereotypically cartoon villian guy tries to hit on her and when she turns him down, he's like "whaaaaa but im so hot" and shes like "nah" and hes like "ok whatever i cant believe thats ur boyfriend though" and then BOB PUNCHES HIM BECAUSE OF THAT???? Like ughbsbsb so selfish he wasnt even doing it for her, he was just doing it for his manly pride. NOT EVEN SELF-DEFENSE LIKE FUCK OFF

A happy surprise, Summer is mad at Bob for doing that, but Bob doesnt think so. Later he practically makes her apologize to him as if what he did wasnt messed up??

They eventually break up, and he goes through the Im gonna win her back phase, where he goes to a party that she throws and tries to woo her with a gift. Its an architecture book. Oh yeah he wants to be an architect by the way, but instead for some reason he works at a greeting card company. He writes greetings. Thats all he does. The corporate man bringing him down amirite. Surprise surprise, its not her favorite thing in the world, and she reveals that shes engaged. Bob storms outta there and spends the next several months coming late to work, drinking combinations of whiskey and orange juice and twinkies. Nasty.

His boss keeps kindly asking him to up his work rate REASONABLY because hes been depressed and Bob basically is like fuck off. Finally, at a board meeting, Bob flips the fuck out and screams at all of coworkers that life is meaningless, and that theyre all wasting their lives writing meaningless shit on greeting cards and he gets the chance to say he quits. He isnt even fired he just gets to quit.

Oh yeah side note, throughout the whole movie theres this littles girl that i think is supposed to be Bob's sister and she gives him love advice??? Shes like 12??? She says "dont be a pussy"???? Like wow edgy ok

Anyways so he quits his job and idk he starts wanting to be an architect again, as shown by this unnecessary montage of him drawing buildings on his chalkboard wall in his bedroom.

He meets Summer on a park bench one day, and shes basically like "i hope u find someone" and hes like "ok". Then he goes to an interview to be an architect, when, lo and behold, theres ANOTHER GIRL applying for the same job and the narrator is like "And this is how Bob realized that miracles dont exist". Bob asks her out and shes says her name is Autumn. WOAHHHSHAHBAHAJSJJWKEHDBH GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE SYMMMMMMMMBOLISMMMMMMM

This was worse than the hetero logic in How I Met Your Mother, and almost everything was the same. Even the part about the MC wanting to be am architect. Bc i guess all little white boys dream of becoming an architect-the most painfully math-driven job in the world that is almost nothing like just drawing pretty pictures. And white girls are ok with that for some reason. Like robots

1/10 The hot surgeon friend

1/10 The super kind coworkers at the Hallmark

1/10 idk

=3/10