#Horgoblith

[howtohero]

#272 Secret World Governing Societies

Superheroes wield an exorbitant amount of power. They can move mountains, they can evaporate oceans, they can walk around out in the open wearing a cape and nobody makes fun of them or throws cabbages at them. And you know what they say, with great power comes great hubris. The hubris of superheroes, at times, knows no bounds. As superheroes grow more powerful, and rack up more and more victories, they’re going to start seeing themselves as more than just superheroes. It is possible that they might see themselves as messianic figures, destined to shepherd society into a brighter and greater tomorrow. But society doesn’t really liked to be shepherded into any sort of future by pantaloon wearing demagogues. So oftentimes what happens is that superheroes will just band together with other heroes that they respect and create a secret world governing society to govern the world in secret. And it is always a bad idea! 

You see, the world is a very complicated place. And a good many of those complications stem from the actions of superheroes. Yes, it’s true, when you defeated the Fur Trapper by hurling their ginormous mutant polar bear off of a cliff and called it a day, it actually survived and procreated and now there’s a herd (sleuth) What? (A group of bears is called a sleuth.) Really? (Yeah.) Like a detective? (Yeah I guess.) So you’re telling me that Sherlock Bears, the group of bears that are both detectives and roommates and who are all named Sherlock is literally a sleuth. (That’s not at all what I was telling you, but I guess it’s true.) This is the best day of my life. [Focus.] Right, so anyway, now, thanks to you, there’s an entire sleuth of mutant polar bears. The actions of superheroes frequently have unintended consequences that occasionally cause the world to become weirder and more dangerous. Now, if a bunch of superheroes were to join together in order to manipulate world events from behind the scenes, they would doubtlessly only serve to make things even more dangerous and weird. They would then, of course, try to fix that and only make things even weirder and dangerouser. 

What’s more, we already have a term for super powerful people who try to consolidate their power in order to guide and influence world events, we call them supervillains. If you want to go ahead and create a real life Illuminati or Stonemasons or some other elite secret society composed of the smartest and most powerful “superheroes” then you should know that doing so would effectively make you supervillains. Superheroes are powerful heroes who know that their job is to combat evil, not alter the course of history by meddling in affairs they have no business meddling in. Superheroes acting unilaterally, in secret with zero oversight from non-powered people is a recipe for global cataclysm. How long before the heroes decide that the governments of the world are not smart enough, or handsome enough, or powerful enough, to be able to run the world. (As if being able to use magic or stretch your limbs to impossible degrees somehow makes you qualified to run a country.) 

And another thing! Superheroes meeting in secret in poorly lit rooms to discuss their visions for the world is going to look stupid as hell. Superhero costumes are not designed to look imposing or powerful in dark conference rooms. They’re designed for broad daylight. They’re designed to look appealing to an adoring public on the ground as you streak through the sky on your way to fight MegaMole the giant mole! If you’re aiming to be taken seriously during one of these backroom meetings you’re going to need something dark and foreboding. Maybe swap out your cape for a cloak. Maybe get a helmet instead of a domino mask and whoop! You’re a supervillain again. And don’t think you can show up to these meetings without your costume. You definitely don’t want this powerful cabal of heroes to know your true identity. How long do you think it’ll be before one of them decides that you’re a threat to their new world order and uses one of your society’s vast and sprawling connections to get rid of you. (Trust us, it’s not going to take long at all. After all, anybody who wants to be part of a shady world-governing league, is probably going to wind up being a threat at some point. You’re all going to turn on each other relatively quickly.) 

Herein lies another problem with forming a secret cadre of superheroes, in order to properly influence the world from behind the scenes, you’re going to need to utilize some less than savory methods. If what you’re doing needs to be secret then there’s a better than even chance that it’s not going to be moral. Take it from me, when you try to run the world in secret, you need to do business with many shady individuals. Other superheroes, for example, are not going to want to participate in your little exercise. They believe in things like freedom of choice and autonomous governments, and besides, you don’t want to include them anyway. You only have so many seats at your skull shaped conference table. (Skull-shaped was just the only shape they had at the conference table store. Don’t read into it.) So that means you need to rely on supervillains to act as your agents in the field. But of course you can’t call them supervillains. You don’t want to call attention to the fact that you’re employing supervillains to reshape the world in your image. You’ll probably spend a lot of time trying to come up with something to call them only to realize that you’re wasting valuable time that could be better spent figuring how to launch Rockblock into space or something. (You see, Rockblock is incredibly powerful, and has been known to have temper tantrums. It’s only a matter of time before the harm he causes outweighs the good he does. It is in the Organization’s best interest to get rid of Rockblock before this happens. So off to space he goes!) To save time you’ll give them no official title and just refer to them derogatively as goons or thugs or what have you. Honestly it’d be quicker to just refer to them with a catchall like “henchmen” or something. 

Soon, you’ll find yourself having to work with other unsavory figures in order to protect your Earth. (You’re also going to start being very possessive about the Earth. After all, you’re putting in a lot of hours to make it the way you’d like it. You’ve earned the right to call it yours.) You’ll make deals with alien civilizations that had no plans to invade the planet until you started trying to negotiate with them. You’ll enter into contracts with demons, for it is better to promise half of Earth’s souls in exchange for a promise to not invade the surface world with the legions of Hell. Worst of all, you’re going to be using a lot of math in your work. You’re going to be doing prioritization on a global scale. When you decide the entire world is your jurisdiction, you’re quickly going to realize that you’re ok with sacrificing certain places for the benefit of other more high profile locations. And that is a very dangerous path to travel down. 

All in all, a shady secretive organization made up of superheroes who wish to take greater control of the world and everyone in it is only a hop, skip and jump away from becoming a shady secretive organization made up of supervillains who wish to take greater control of the world and everyone in it. So if you’ve got a problem with the world, step up and solve it. But do it in the light, with help and guidance from others. There’s nothing wrong with trying to fix some of the world’s problems, as long as you go about it in the right way. If you find yourself sitting in a poorly lit room, you’re doing it wrong. If you find yourself sitting across from someone named Horgoblith the Soul Torturer, you’re doing it wrong. If you find yourself ordering hit jobs on other superheroes, you’re doing it wrong. As a rule of thumb, if you find yourself doing anything that a supervillain would do, you’re dong it wrong.