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nnight-dances · 27 days ago

Text

THIS LOVE

PAIRING: kwon hoshi x fem!reader

GENRE: angst, hurt comfort, some fluff

TROPES: best friends to lovers, hoshi's w someone else, mentions and descriptions of a toxic/abusive relationship but nothing extreme or graphic.

Loving Hoshi was wrong. You know this. But you gravitate toward him nevertheless like a cliche in a love story. Except this couldn't be love. Love was pure and love healed. What you felt was rotten. Morbid. Disgusting.

Still, when you see him entering the cafe that morning, your heart speeds up, your feelings like clockwork whenever you caught sight of his blonde head. His smile was ultra-sweet as always, your name on his lips like a forbidden curse. You should go to hell for your feelings.

"Hey, Hosh," you greet him back as he sits across from you, pulling his book bag of his shoulder with a heave. You're working on a project for your boss together, something that involves interviewing the owner of this cafe together and putting the notes after, also together. All of which is only worse when it's you with him because you should not be in love with him.

"I had a chance to meet the owner before you got here," you inform him, rifling through the browned pages of your notebook for a distraction away from Hoshi's glorious face, "And he said he'd be ready for us in ten."

"Perfect," Hoshi responds, pulling out his laptop along with some other writing equipment. "I love working with you, Y/N, you make things a lot easier for me."

You laugh without meeting his eyes, shifting uncomfortably. "You're being nice this morning," you comment.

Hoshi shrugs, "You're right. Just. I'm just tired of fighting all the time."

You raise a brow at his ominous comment. "I don't think we fight all that often, Hosh? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean us," he grows quieter and you already know what's coming. "It's just… I had a fight with Chloe this morning. Again." There it was. The reason why you couldn't possibly continue to harbour, let alone foster your feelings for Hoshi. He was in love with someone else, Chloe, a sharp but charming woman he'd been dating for nearly 2 years now.

They'd met in college– In fact, you'd all met in college; you, Hoshi, Chloe. A big happy friendship with its share of a love triangle, except it was always clear who Hoshi was going to end up with. Not to mention you'd never let anyone catch a whiff of your shameful feelings for him. It was almost already too late when you'd realized them: Chloe had already confessed to and asked Hoshi out. It all happened so fast, the beginning of their happy dating life and the end of your first love.

"Again?" you echo Hoshi's words. "I'm sorry, Hosh. What was it this time?"

Hoshi averts his gaze, never a good sign for you. "She got mad I was coming here with you."

You don't mask the scoff that escapes you, "But it's for work. Why is she…" You trail off, knowing the answer to your question. Let's retract your earlier statement. Hoshi and Chloe didn't have the happiest dating life, just as your feelings for Hoshi never truly died down. To be completely clear though, the latter didn't cause the former. You were delusional, sickening at worst, but you were still a honorable person.

No, their troubles were their own. Well, the troubles were mostly Chloe's if you're being completely candid. She had a way of being overprotective of Hoshi and perhaps, slightly manipulative at times.

"I know, that's what I told her," Hoshi has his head in his hands. His soft curls crushed against the strong hold of his palms. God, did his shoulders look tense today. "She just thinks I prefer hanging out with my friends over her, or that I come up with excuses to be late to our dates. A lot of the times, you just happen to be the friend I'm hanging out with, which leads me to being late."

You swallow the outrage trying to spill out of your veins. You had lost count of how many times you had this conversation with Hoshi. You'd tried to make him see what he was blind to: Chloe didn't trust him when he hadn't given her any reason to distrust him. She was trying to control his life and it all came down to her own insecurity. She'd never had friends outside of Hoshi and you in college. She kept to herself thanks to her skeptical assumptions about everyone else. It infuriated you, watching Hoshi lose the spark in his friendships and passions all because he was worried about the argument with Chloe it would inevitable lead to.

There's so much you want to say. But you can't. So instead you shut up, ending the conversation with Hoshi abruptly. You feel him stare at the top of your head as you check the time. "It's time. We should go find the owner."

The interview goes swimmingly. The owner is a sweet man named Seokmin and has a humor almsot greater than his heart. You lose all sense of time, wrapped up in a more than natural conversation between the three of you.

"Well, I think that's all the questions we had for you. Thanks for your time, Seokmin."

Seokmin grins back at you, "Of course! Feel free to come by and ring for me anytime. Both of you. It was lovely meeting you."

You stand up with Hoshi following suit and as you gather your stuff, you look at Seokmin's retreating back. "He's nice. I feel like he'd hit it off with our friend group."

Hoshi nods thought his enthusiasm is amiss, looking down at his bag the whole time.

"You good?"

He doesn't say anything for a second and you start to wonder if he didn't hear you.

And then, "I didn't think you were so easy."

The comment is so out of the blue it has you speechless for a full minute. "...Excuse me?"

Hoshi's eyes widen as he hears his own words, "Sorry, that was rude. I just mean, I didn't think you'd mix professional life with personal." You stare Hoshi down, trying to figure out what the fuck he was getting at. "I mean about the owner."

"Hoshi, I suggested he'd be a good friend," you snap, "I don't recall expressing my desire to bone him right here in full daylight for everyone to see." Hoshi flushes at your crude statement and he stumbles over his words.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he rushes to cover, "I didn't think before I spoke. And I didn't mean it. I don't know, I think I'm just in a weird mood."

"Might be all the fighting with Chloe," you comment flatly, chest feeling heavy.

"Are you mad?" his tone is inflated with guilt and you have to dig your nails into your palm to keep from looking up at—and undoubtedly giving in to—Hoshi's face. "Listen, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that. I think I just got jealous."

That's one way to get you to look up. "Jealous?" your breath catches, knowing there's any explanation other than the one your mind immediately jumps to.

"Yeah, just the way you got along so well with him back there," he admits, "It reminded me of us in college. How we were always laughing and joking. Before I got all moody and shit."

You laugh weakly, "Right. Before everything."

"Anyway, let me make it up to you?" he pleads, his hand finding yours in the carefree way that had both intrigued and eventually trapped you into Hoshi's charms. "Dinner?"

You know the right answer to his question, you know because there's a storm inside of you and it's made of nothing good: shame, guilt, self-loathing. You hate yourself around Hoshi. You should stay away for your own sake, to find something better.

"Sure, Hosh," you smile, "I'd love dinner."

—

Dinner with Hoshi is a bad idea for the myriad of reasons already listed and hinted at above. But perhaps, the worst one of them all is how much of a lightweight Hoshi is. His declarations of his love for beer be damned, once he was three glasses in, he was already too tipsy to tell his right from his left. And at five glasses, he's lost all control over his inhibitions, which is just a nicer way to say that he gets touchy.

It didn't help that you'd chosen bar seats that evening. You'd thought avoiding sitting across from him and forcing yourself to look at his face all evening would limit your imagination. But this is worse: Hoshi's arm is slotted right against you the entire evening because the man has a distorted understanding of personal space to begin with. Fifth beer later, he's pulling your bar stool closer and spinning you to face him.

"Hosh, you're drunk," you mutter, ignoring the way your voice gives away your nerves, "Let's get you home—"

Hoshi catches the hand you reach toward your phone, pulling it into his lap. "No! No, no, no. I don't go home. Don't wanna."

His cheeks are flushed as he begs you not to send him home and you smile wistfully, wondering how many times you'd seen this sight before.

"Hosh, you have to go home," you tell him, speaking loud and clear. You place your free hand atop his, brushing his knuckles gently. "You're gonna want to be in bed soon, right?"

Hoshi shakes his head, eyes closing despite what he says, "Not sleepy. 'M not sleepy. Not sleepy."

You chuckle at his antics, rushing to place your forearm on the counter as his head swings dangerously low. "Geez, Hosh, you need to be careful." You pull your hand out of his grip to rest his head on your arm carefully. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

He mumbles something but it's too incoherent for you to hear. So you shift closer, running a finger through his bangs to move them out of his eyes. "What'd you say, buddy?"

His voice is muffled with drowsiness but you barely make out a name. Your heart sinks. Of course, what the fuck else had you expected? "You wanna see Chloe?" you call out, hoping if you voiced the desire out loud he'd finally deny it.

What you don't expect is for him to actually deny it. "No, no, no," his voice is small and your heart lurches when you make out tears forming in his eyes.

"Wait, Hosh, are you crying?" you pull his head off your arm, "Hey, hey, look at me. What's wrong?"

He blinks, unshed tears dissolving as he opens them wider. "Oh. It's you. Y/N." You're trying to decipher the mixed emotions in his tone—relief, gladness, something more—when he's pulling you infinitely closer. Closer until you crash into his chest, feeling his hot breath hit your bare back.

"Hosh– Hoshi, you're—"

"You're always so gentle with me," Hoshi mumbles, his hand finding your scalp with a thud against your skull. You want to pull away, to shake sense into him but this feels so nice and it feels honest, to feel Hoshi's voice reverbrating through your organs like this.

"Of course I am," you mutter back, knowing you shouldn't be indulging him, "You're a softie. A sweet boy. You deserve to be treated carefully." You felt your voice shake with the sincerity of the emotions that rush through you. You'd kept this side of you locked away for so long, it physically hurt to let anyone see it, let alone Hoshi of all people.

"Hmm, you really think that?" Hoshi's voice is dampened with doubt, "You think I deserve care?"

"Okay, this is getting me worried," you pull away with a start, grabbing a hold of Hoshi's face to force him to look into your eyes. "What's wrong with you? Why are you saying these stupid things?" Hoshi's cheeks are warm against your cold palms but you try not to think about it. Just like how you try not to think about the way his gaze lingers over you, taking you in like he'd never before. Raking your features like he was just a guy admiring a girl.

"Chloe doesn't love me anymore."

Hoshi's statement snaps you out of your selfish dream like a slap. "What?"

"She… doesn't like me that much anymore. I think. She's always annoyed. Mad. Angry."

"Hosh," you groan, thumbing at his tears as they start to spill, "It pains me to see you like this."

"Like– Like what?"

"Like this. She's hurting you, Hosh," you say, "and you're letting her."

"How'd you know? I hid it so well though," his voice breaks and so do you, eyes watering and overflowing almost instantly. "Well, some things you can't hide from me, idiot. I'm your best friend. I know everything about you."

"Really?" His tears have ceased and you sigh, letting go of his face to wipe your own salty mess. "Can I just stay at your place tonight? I don't feel like going home just to fight. I want to be with you. It's easier."

His words rip through you and he doesn't even know it. It gladdens you that you're a safe place for him but it absolutely kills you that you're just that: a place to run away from the world. It wasn't so bad but it didn't compare to be his first choice, which is what he'd always been for you.

"Of course, Hosh. C'mon, I'll take you to mine."

—

You sense that something's different the next morning. You know it was partially a bad call on your part to let Hoshi stay over at your place, what with Chloe's already unreasonably convinced misconceptions of his relationship with you. But it was also right: as Hoshi's friend, you don't think you could've let him go home like that. Sobbing, begging to stay.

So you don't expect the cold shoulder Hoshi gives you that morning, strolling into your kitchen without a single smile your way. You're about to call out the breakfast spread you prepared to help nurse both your hangovers but before you can open your mouth, Hoshi snatches his phone off the counter.

He looks panicked as he turns it on. You can hear the notification go ham and his frustrated groans as he rapidly types something into a textbox.

"Hoshi, is everything—"

"Fuck!" The outburst surprises you and you jump away a little. "Fuck, fuck. Motherfucker."

"So I'm guessing you're…not okay?"

"No, Y/N!" You didn't think it was possible for Hoshi to be angry but wow, the look he trains on you in that moment has you chilled. "I'm fucked, Y/N. I never told Chloe I was getting dinner with you and then I— I blacked out and forgot to let her know. And then, I slept over here, at your place without letting her know. I think it's pretty fucking clear how not okay I am, Y/N."

You're taken aback at the way he says your name– like you were somehow at fault for this. "Oh, okay, so I'm the bad guy right now?"

Hoshi has the audacity to roll his eyes, "God, you know that's not what I meant."

"Okay, well, whenever you're done just using my services as a friend and then blaming me for being a friend, I can let you out of my apartment because it sounds like I held you against your will."

"Y/N," Hoshi says. "I'm sorry." He sounds defeated. His phone is still blowing up. You know the last thing he needs is yet another argument but you can't help it. You dislike confrontation but it feels like it's high time you protected yourself for once.

"Do you wanna talk about last night?" you ask, hand on your hip as you glare at him.

"Last night?" he sounds hesitant, definitely not remembering much, "Did I do something?"

"Hoshi, you begged me to not send you home. You said Chloe didn't love you anymore. You said that you doubted that you deserved care. You, finally, for once, admitted that she's hurting you, Hoshi—"

"Y/N, not this again—"

"No, Hoshi. I need you to listen to me. I'm have it up to here standing by your side while you let Chloe treat you like shit! You–! You're scared to go home, Hoshi, do you even realize what that means?"

"I know it sounds bad but all couples have their rough patches. And Chloe and I will–"

"You've been in this rough patch for over a year, Hoshi, give me a fucking break– Or better yet, give yourself a fucking break."

"What did you say?" Hoshi's red eyes widen at your outburst."

"I said you should break up with her, Hoshi," you deadpan, a challenge in your eyes.

"Y/N, that is just crossing the line– You can't—"

"Why? I'm your friend, Hoshi, and I'm sick of watching this bullshit happen over and over again," your voice breaks, "You deserve so much better."

Hoshi walks away from the kitchen, as if unable to stomach hearing your words without flinching. You follow him, determined to see this through. "Hoshi, you–"

"You can't do this, Y/N. You know I love her–"

"You can love other people, Hoshi, she's not the only woman in the world you know. She's definitely not the first to love you."

"What?" Hoshi slowly turns to face you, sensing there was something more to your statement.

You take a deep breath and decide to bite the bullet. Go big or go home, right?

"She wasn't even the first one to love you, you know? I loved you first. She just beat me to the asking you out part, and I guess that's the real important step, no?"

Hoshi freezes, eyes going blank at your confession. Your confession. God, how truly fucked you are to have confessed your feelings for your best friend who was dating someone else. The someone else, not to mention, who was your friend, too.

"Well, I didn't mean to say all that out loud," you cough, looking away from Hoshi, "It's wrong, I know, for me to love you. But the heart wants what it wants and whatnot. And more than anything, I want you to be happy, Hoshi. And she doesn't make you happy. I'd even say she's making you miserable."

You cut your monologue short when Hoshi continues to be frozen in his shock. "Well, who am I to give you any advice, right? It's up to you. Do what the fuck you want. Don't let me stand in the way–"

Hoshi's lips are on yours. You don't even remember blinking between one moment and this one but this is it: he's kissing you. He's holding you like a lover, fingers splayed along the column of your neck as he keeps you close to him. He steals your breath and leaves you with the taste of peppermint toothpaste. You gasp when you pull away.

"Hoshi–" He doesn't let you talk though, his lips are busy devouring you. Your jaw, your pulsing neck, your collarbones. You feel Hoshi like you've always wanted to. His lips leave a wet trail of desire and your head is too clouded with the pleasure of getting something you'd even shuddered to dream of to think straight. It's only when your hands find their way into his hair— God, his hair, it was as silky as it looked— when his phone rings like a cry in the other room and you both spring apart. You both pant, looking around like you'd been caught red-handed.

"Hoshi," you start, reeling with the meaning—and the meaninglessness—of this, of everything, but he doesn't look at you. He leaves, rushing to his phone and you let yourself hope that he'd come back only to hear him pick up, Chloe's name on his lips like a prayer.

Fucking great.

—

You don't see Hoshi for a week after that. Sorry, let's rephrase that: you don't meet Hoshi all week after. You see Hoshi everywhere because that's how little restraint you've left after the undoing known as his kiss. You have a soul-rotting combination of nightmares about Chloe killing and harvesting your heart in a variety of ways and wet dreams where Hoshi never stops kissing you and his trail of kisses only grows greater and greater—

Needless to say, you're a mess. You don't wish to think about it and reaching out to Hoshi is out of the question. He texts you on Thursday, asking you if you have time to meet on Friday for a work thing and you have the grace to left him on read. You text your boss to let him know you'd be taking the last day of the week to work from home.

please yn can we talk?

i am so sorry about everything.

can we please talk?

i understand that you might not want to but please

im doing a dinner party this saturday for friends if youre avoiding seeing me alone

You close your eyes. The texts haunt you on your phone, the little time tag counting how long you'd been agonizing over his words. 12m, 37m, 58m. Finally, you decide to get over yourself and text back.

sure hoshi i'll be there

—

You don't know what you expect to get out of the dinner at Hoshi's place but the last of it is Chloe greeting you when you ring the bell. You greet her, swallowing against her dry acknowledgement of your existence and you truly contemplate turning on your heels to leave. But—who didn't see it coming—Hoshi stops you, his voice calling your name steeling your nerves.

You step in, thankful there are a handful of your friends scattered around the room, nursing drinks in little glasses. You're about to make a beeline for Yuji when Hoshi intercepts you, hand on your arm. You stare at him and then his hand. He takes his hand off, cheeks reddening at your demeanor.

"Hey, thanks for coming."

"Right," you mumble. "I'm gonna go catch up with Yuji if you don't mind–"

"Y/N, listen, I know I–" Hoshi stops himself, glancing over his shoulder and continuing when he spots Chloe across the room, "I know I fucked up but I promise it'll never happen again. I'm so incredibly sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise–" Hoshi's in the middle of digging himself into a hole when you hear a vaguely familiar voice calling out.

It startles you when you realize who it is.

"Seokmin?" you ask, spotting the cafe-owner making his way to you. He grins brightly, "Hey, it's me! Hoshi was nice enough to invite me over tonight! Said you'd be here so I should definitely make time."

"Oh, really?" you're looking at Hoshi, heart impossibly strained against your chest. You couldn't believe the audacity. "Um, actually, I think I have to head out." You pull out your phone as a lame excuse. To be fair, you hardly cared at this point.

"Y/N, let me explain and–"

"Sorry, Hoshi. I don't think I have time tonight. See you around some other time, 'kay?"

You take off to the door, forcing your tears back with a firm cough. You can hear the clamor behind you as Hoshi rushes after you, fingers brushing against your arm in an attempt to halt your movements. You shove him away and for once, you run away from Hoshi.

You'd made it down the stairs and a few steps on the pavement outside his house when you hear his footsteps slapping against the stairs. Your name. A trail of pleas. You can barely hear it.

He catches up, Hoshi always does, his arm seizing yours in an iron grip. Idiot man.

"Hoshi, if you don't let go of me right this fucking second. I'm going to throw myself at incoming traffic."

"Y/N, don't go," his voice is strained and for once, you don't analyze the emotions that make it so.

You turn around to scream at him instead. "Why don't you fuck off, Hoshi?"

"Please," his lip quivers, "I don't want to lose you, I–"

"I think it was a little too late when you kissed me—right after I confessed to you—and then proceeded to try and set me up with the same guy you were jealous I hit it off with— Wow, when I say it out loud, you really do sound like a maniac. Honestly, you know what, I was wrong! You and Chloe are made for each other!"

"Don't say that, Y/N, please, I wasn't thinking straight."

"You're right. You weren't. You kissed me, you acted shocked that I love you, and you still asked me to come over knowing I could never fucking say no– No, I couldn't, not to you, Hoshi. Why'd you do this to me? How could you be so fucking cruel?"

"I'm sick, Y/N, you're right," Hoshi's crying now and you match his shining tears with your own unshed ones. "I'm evil. I'm– I'm in love with you, too."

"What the fuck did you just say?"

The words echo, but they don't come from you. "Chloe," you breathe, watching as she closes in on the two of you. "Hey, we're just—"

But she's not looking at you. Her eyes are fixed on Hoshi, daring him to repeat himself, "What did just say?"

Hoshi's gaze falls and his shoulder slump. You move uneasily, "Listen, let's just–"

"I'm not talking to you!" Chloe screams, but she directs it toward Hoshi and the man, you swear you see him flinch. Something like a chill settles into your veins as a possibility begins to creep in on you… Surely not?

"You," Chloe continues, stepping closer until she was a breath's distance from Hoshi, "What did you say."

"Chloe, I think we should go inside–" You make the mistake of reaching for her shoulder. She's seething and slaps your hand away, stinging your palm and you stare at her in confusion. Chloe, however estranged you'd grown over the years, this wasn't like her. She had her moments of rage but she'd never been aggresive like this. Physical.

Your eyes land on Hoshi and he's already looking at you, unspoken concern shining back. The possibility solidifies into realization.

"I was just telling Hoshi how much I'm worried–" Hoshi tries to cut you off in a hushed tone but you continue, "And how much I think he should break up with you."

Chloe's finally looking at you and you smile at the fire in her gaze. "Dear God, you're so much worse than I thought," you tell her and then turn to Hoshi. "I told you she was insane but this–? Hoshi, let me ask you something." You step closer to him and feel his breath hitch at your question, "Does she get physical with you?"

"Who the fuck do you think you are–"

"I'm not talking to you!" You echo her earlier words, a hand trained on Hoshi's elbow protectively. "Hoshi, please, I need you to be honest with him. Did she ever–?"

Hoshi's eyes are unreadable. They meet yours hesitantly before travelling away and to Chloe. You stop him, "Hoshi. Look at me. Please."

"It happened once but it wasn't that bad and–"

"Okay, that's all I needed. We're getting you out of there," you grab Hoshi's hand, tugging him away from Chloe and toward your car. "I hope you're not attached to any of your stuff because we're–"

"Hoshi! Kwon Hoshi! Stop, right there!"

Chloe's voice is thin with how high-pitched it's gotten and your mind reels with this newfound understanding. She wasn't just a manipulative bitch, she was also abusive. God, what exactly had Hoshi tolerated? He'd said it happened once but the fact that it even got to the point–

"Y/N, we– are you sure?" Hoshi's question barely cuts through the noise in your head. You're already in your car by the time he finds his voice.

"Did she hit you, Hoshi?'

"She didn't exactly hit– It was more like she threw something at me–"

"Threw what?"

"It's not that important and I don't really care–"

"What did she throw at you, Hoshi?" you ask him again, quieter this time. "Can you tell me? You don't have to. I'm still getting you out of here."

"It was just a glass. She got mad– I don't even remember what exactly happened but one minute I was making her a drink and the next, she—It didn't even hit me so it–"

"Hoshi, I'm so sorry," you breathe, "You don't deserve that– You could've been really hurt, you know? I don't care that it was a glass and it didn't hit you. The fact that she felt the need to physically hurt you— God, Hoshi, do you see? She is a physical threat to you."

"I'm– I don't know what to think, Y/N," Hoshi sighs, settling into the passenger seat. "It wasn't even that what got to me. I know she doesn't actually want me dead. It's when she talks about you—"

"Me?"

"Yes. I don't know when it all went downhill, but she began to speak really badly of you. Just the meanest things. Completely untrue things. I didn't like it and I tried to get her to stop. I told her I couldn't stand to hear it and once, I even told her I'd break up with her if she kept it up– That's when it really got out of hand."

"I'm sorry, Hoshi, I had no idea."

"Well, it's not your fault. You were nothing but a good friend to me. You never even let me onto your feelings."

You sigh, "Right. Those."

"I wish you had," he breathes out, head lolling over to look at you, "I know it's selfish of me, but I wish I'd known sooner. I would've come to my senses."

"How come?" you ask, heart in your throat, his confession from earlier looping in your mind.

"Well, because you weren't the only one with the wrong kind of feelings. I developed my own share of feelings for you. Even though I was dating Chloe. It's pretty fucked up, huh?"

You focus on keeping your breath steady. Chloe's figure was still visible in the night. You couldn't tell what she was doing but honestly, after all you'd found out, she could really just go to hell for all you cared.

"I don't know if it is fucked up," you shrug. "With how she treated you and all."

"I guess. I think that's why I held on longer though, knowing it was wrong to love you," he continues, "I thought if I faced my feelings, I'd lose Chloe and you in one fell sweep. I was too big of an idiot to see that I'd lost Chloe a long time ago. And I would've lost you too if you hadn't told me how you felt."

"You're one selfish bastard," you murmur, looking at his shadowed face. "You couldn't just break up with her when she got crazy? Why'd you let her keep hurting you? Why'd you keep hurting me?"

"Once again, idiot things. It was easier being where I was, however unpleasant that inertia was. I wanted to keep pretending things were normal with us."

You sigh again. "Idiot. I'm taking you home."

—

Things are hard for a while after that.

As much as you want to just sit back and enjoy loving Hoshi openly, you resist.

He faces his broken relationship with Chloe first, going back to his shared home with her to break things off in person, for once and for all. You don't ask him how it went, simply offer him a hug when he comes back later that night, eyes rimmed with red.

You face your own guilt over Hoshi's broken relationship and then cry a little more because you realize what your friends, what other people must think of you. The kinds of words they'd use.

"You know it's not your fault, right?" Hoshi reminds you one night when he's over. He's over a lot lately.

"Which part?" you call back with a chuckle. He shifts beside you, hitting pause on the movie playing to face you.

"I'm serious, Y/N. Me and Chloe. Or me and you now."

"Yeah, maybe slightly not my fault. But that's not how it looks, you know?" you heave a sigh, tilting your head away from him so he doesn't have to see your downcast eyes. "I'm still a homewrecker."

"Dude, look at me, what the fuck are you saying?" Hoshi forces you closer to him. "If anything, it should be me that's ridiculed. Not only did I stay in a toxic relationship despite all the red flags, I led you on. Heck, I kissed you when I was officially still dating her. Plus, it's not homewrecking when it's barely a home you're wrecking."

"That's not fair to you, Hoshi. I know I blamed you earlier but it's not the easiest thing to walk out of an abusive–" You cut yourself off, containing a laugh at his insistence. He looks troubled by your behavior, "Y/N. I'm serious. I can't have this."

"What?"

"I want to be with you for real, Y/N. I want to take you out without it feeling wrong. It's not wrong. Okay?"

You close your eyes, letting his words sink into your veins. You feel his palms curling around your face and you smile against his touch. "I think it's gonna take me a bit before I'm not uneasy about it."

"That's fine," you open your eyes to find a loving grin on his face, "I'll wait." His love was pure and bright, and for once, you let that light bloom within yourself.

—

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kittysoonie · 11 months ago

Text

Fighting Heat with Heat

Non! idolHoshi x Fem!Reader - 1k words

It's burning hot outside while you're apartment AC isn't working and what's better than fighting heat with heat?

Established relationship, slight attempt at humour, smut

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

It's so hot, it must be atleast 50 degrees outside and your apartment unit decided that today was the day that repairs needed to be done causing all electricity to be out for the day.

You sigh dramatically as you fall on the bed where your boyfriend is currently

sprawled on.

"Soonieee." You whine out, "it's so hot." You finish with another sigh.

"I know baby but they said only a few more hours and the electricity will be back." He coos at you, swiping his thumb on your cheek as you push his hand off.

"It's too hot to be so close together." You mutter out.

"*I know.." he mumbles in response.

You watch as he reaches for the hem of his loose tank top and takes it off.

You swipe your tongue on your lips as your eyes follow his movements. He's become so much more built in the last few months, the daily trips to the gym are definitely paying off you think. There's no longer any shame as you lay flat on your stomach eyeing your boyfriend, who's no longer the awkward loser you met five years ago.

You're lost in your thoughts while soonyoung's been watching you eye him for the past few minutes.

"Hey?" He chuckles lifting your face, "eyes are up here baby." He finishes with a shit eating grin.

"Wasn't even looking..." you mumble in response, having little to no confidence in your own response.

"yeah right" he snorts, "thought it was too hot for us to be so close together?" He hums out with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Well it was too hot until you basically threw yourself onto me. You scrunch your nose as you inch closer to him, practically sitting on his lap.

"Is that so?" He says softly as he leans for a messy and sloppy kiss.

You moan while he pulls you onto his lap, trying to get you two as physically

close as he can. Your hands run up and down his hard abs and you drool just at the thought of them.

He slowly pulls away as you whine at the sudden loss of contact, bucking your hips onto his as you watch the pool of slick grow more visible through your shorts. He lets out a sound of disappointment, holding down your hips, "fuck...if you keep that up I'll cum in my boxers like a little teenage boy." And you blush at the thought of having that sort of effect on your boyfriend even after years of being together.

"Weren't you feeling hot baby? Don't you wanna take all this off?" He asks a rhetorical question, pulling your (his) shirt off leaving you in your bra only. His lips are once again on yours as his hands chase your back, expertly unclasping your bra.

"If I put my hand down your shorts, are you gonna be wet for me baby?" He asks with a cocky expression and you can hear the smirk in his voice as you hum in response.

His hands quickly move down your shorts, erupting a loud moan from you as his fingers make their way to your clit, rubbing at the right pace. He knows you and your body too well.

"'Gosh you're so cute...look at your little reactions." Soonyoung says taking in your fucked out expressions.

"Can barely take my fingers..think you can take my cock?" He asks and you almost punch him for teasing you when he knows you can take it. You've done it many times before.

"I can.."" you barely mutter the words.

"'Can't hear you baby." He hums out, increasing the pace of his fingers as you ride his fingers.

"'Said I can take it Soonie!" You shout out louder.

"I know you can princess, gonna cum for soonie now? Gonna make a mess all over my fingers." You nod enthusiastically in response as you ride out your high.

He carefully lays you down on your back as he slips out off his boxers, pulling your shorts and underwear in one go.

You watch as his cock leaks of precum and you gulp at the thought of taking it all.

""Look at this" he starts, "so fucking wet for me...all for me." He says while licking his lips.

"God you're so fucking beautiful..ready for me baby?" He asks as you nod in response.

"I need words baby." He almost demands, this is one thing that has always been so sweet about soonyoung, no matter how many times and how long the two of you have been together he always makes sure you're ready and have given him full consent.

"'Yes soonie 'm ready, wanted this all day." You moan out.

"I know you have baby, been waiting for soonie to fuck you good all day haven't

you?" He smirks as he sinks his cock into your wet cunt, watching as his dick

slips in and out of you.

"Faster."" You whine and he complies, who is he to say no to his princess?

You grab the back of his hair as you moan louder, feeling the familiar feeling in

the pit of your stomach.

"Baby 'm about to cum." You stretch out your words as your orgasm approaches.

""Yeah baby? Cmon then, be a good girl and come for me." You let go with his words, shaking with your orgasm he feels his coming too.

"Where do you want me baby?" He asks, slowing down his pace.

"Inside soonie please need to feel you in me." He curses under his breath as he lets go with a final thrust, your words pushing him over the edge. He rolls on his side as he pulls out, your sticky sweaty bodies still intervened with each other. You look at him meekly as he takes your hand into his.

"Fighting heat with heat wasn't the best idea was it." He awkwardly chuckles as you laugh in response to his sudden shyness.

"I'm all gross and sticky now." You shake your head as you feel the heat catching up to you again.

And as if it's on cue, your fan turns on by itself as you both dramatically turn to look at each other.

"THE AC SOONYOUNG TURN IT ON." You shout as he rushes to get the remote.

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

This is my first ever fic lol so sorry if it's not super good, requests are open and all feedback is appreciated!

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