#Hixspeaks

[horusmenhosetix]

Proof of concept kind of post. Here are the dark colours in game. I wanted the these colours to be kind of maxis match and I think the brown is spot on.

And this is the light family. I'd like to add these colours alongside the default darker hair colours but i'm not sure how.

[horusmenhosetix]

Brain Surgery in October!!!

I finally got my MRI results yesterday and sent them to my surgeon and he came back to me today and said the surgery is planned for OCTOBERR!!!!!! He didn't give a specific date tho so I need him to tell me that before I can start planning the trip! My friend has agreed to come with me, which I never expected but I am very grateful for, so I look forward to seeing them in person again as well!

[horusmenhosetix]

I've had my appointment!!! The neurosurgeon was so nice and he has agreed to do it and he just needs an up to date MRI scan before he'll give me the date!!!

Booking an MRI asap private because nhs will make me wait months for one.

I don't know the language here but I managed to get to the hospital and thankfully the receptionist and doctors speak english. I'm happy I was able to learn a little of the language to be polite though.

[horusmenhosetix]

Weeee! A very kind person in the pineal cyst fb group recommended another surgeon at the same hospital that the current neurosurgeon I was talking to is at who also operates on Pineal Cysts! He actually got back to me very quickly saying that surgery would be ok for me to have! Just need to get some more info and then finally a date!

I am ready to just hop on a plane and be there tomorrow but it will probably not be that quick. The recovery is long but I am so ready to start recovering. The operations i've had done before have prepared me for this. If I can have a drill unscrewed from my skull while awake I can have brain surgery 😤

In silly sims projects to distract me from my unceasing pain news I finished the database type thing with my mega maxis match geneticised skin scale™ and it is so satisfying to scroll down it haha. Now to actually add the numbers to the files themselves. 💀

[horusmenhosetix]

Examination for Surgery!

Finally finally stuff is happening. On the 20th I have an appointment with the neurosurgeon who has agreed to do the surgery on me. He just needs to examine me in person before giving me the surgery date.

I gave myself one day before the appointment day to explore the city so i'm quite excited and nervous as I haven't been on a plane by myself before or been to a foreign country on my own.

In the mean time I am playing OddGiants and CookieClicker and melting my brain instead of doing my cc projects. :') I'm so bad I procrastinate the littlist things ;w;

[horusmenhosetix]

Finally!!! I emailed the doctor again today as he hadn't responded for 5 days and he replied! We emailed back and forth and he asked me to go over there for an examination and then he'll give me a surgery date!! And he said his waiting list is 2-3 months long. I can wait that long if I have the date to look forward to.

[horusmenhosetix]

I had to escape my house last night due to an argument woth my mum. She attempted to emotionally manipulate and gaslight me and then when that didn't work she chased me up the stairs in a fit of rage. I don't know what she was going to do if she caught me and i think it triggered my fight or flight response because I punched her (not hard I'm weak) and pushed her away. I was shaking from the adrenaline and crying uncontrollably.

I don't know what to do now. I have no where to go. But I don't want to leave my dog. I love him so much and he doesn't deserve to suffer from mum and dad getting drunk and shouting. and now this is an escalation. Usually i am not the target of her ire, it's my dad. But because i asked her to admit what she did the other day was wrong of her she got so angry.

My friend, who i am extremely grateful to, comforted me and told me to get out of there last night. I didn't want to stay there either because after the argument she started drinking. and she chased me before she got drunk.

In lighter news I had my MRI today, i wasn't expecting it so soon so i had to rush to the train and have been travelling all day.After i get the results to my neurosurgeon he will give my surgery date!!!

[horusmenhosetix]

Getting home yesterday was hellish. I misunderstood my mum saying she would pick me up from the train station in my town with her picking me up from the airport. I complained about the 2 hour train journey before my flight because i couldn't face another two hours of travelling with no water left.

The whole day I got progressively more stressed trying to communicate with people with my limited phrases I'd almost memorised. I'm autistic and I was travelling on my own in a country I didn't know, my head hurts all the time, and the plane makes it hurt worse because of the pressure.

So i spend the plane ride thinking it's nearly over I can go home, it's a 30 min drive from the airport to my house. But when I get off the plane, after a painful journey after navigating the airport in a different language and getting so lost, and getting through the maze that is arrivals (it was much simpler in the country i went to so i didn't expect this stress and nearly cried) I realised my mum wasn't there and that I'd made yet another mistake I just became overwhelmed and cried.

A sweet teen girl approached me and asked me what was wrong and if she could help and even asked her parents which was so embarrassing because i could tell they were judging me but was sweet of her.

I then had to find the train stating which was poorly sign posted and underground with just an arrow pointing to the floor. And cried the entire two hour train journey home. Just from the pain and stress and self loathing. I've mistaken her saying she'd pick me up before and it happened agsin.

Then I finally get back home and my mum gets in a mood with me because she thinks I'm mad at her and gives me the silent treatment despite me sobbing in the seat next to her. She wouldn't comfort me at all.

Now my head hurts from crying yesterday but I'm finally home. i made so many mistakes travelling but I managed to get to the correct places so next time when I go for the surgery with my brother it should be slightly easier.

I just want to ask if this is a normal human reaction to your autistic child being slightly snappy to you after they've just pushed themselves to the brink of overstimulation travelling on their own, getting a plane for the first time on their own, navigating a foreign country with like three phrases of that language on their own, sobbing in the seat next to you.

[horusmenhosetix]

Thank you all 💗

The sims community has been a place of comfort for me for these long long years of isolation so I am genuinely so grateful for every single one of you.

As much as I hate seeing my own face I understand it is necessary to spread the word. Also the second picture is from when I had the Skull Hole™ diagnostic procedure done in June last year. This year was supposed to finally be the year I got this cyst out. I'm praying it will be.

[horusmenhosetix]

I am being peak autistic here, I am unsatisfied with all the hair systems out there and need my own personal one. 🫥 I've decided I like liliths remi texutre blend and that the brown I've been using for my defaults is too dark x_x

[horusmenhosetix]

Explanation for my hiatus..

Tumblr is completely broken on desktop for me, the tumblrmart is hiding the create a post button. And the search bar is hiding all the buttons so I can't even check my dashboard easily either. I thought it was an xkit thing but I uninstalled it and it's still like this :/

That and the trans banning stuff and war posts kinda made me reluctant to use tumblr. I'm so worried about my surgery and I don't have money to give to help anyone.

A new development is... I am now in a relationship which i'm very happy about. Not really had any motivation for sims because of all this happening.

I've had to fight backwards and forwards with the hospital i'm going to for information for my s2 funding claim. They say they accept s2 funding forms, yet they will not give me the information I need to complete the application properly. The s2 funding people acknowledge how difficult they are being so hopefully they might be a bit more lenient with my claim because of that.

I can only pray, to the universe in general because I dob't believe gods exist, because I do not see me raising the funds for it through the fundraiser. The amount I did get I am extremely grateful for, as it has allowed me to book accomodation and the travel tickets to get to the country i'll be having the operation in.

[horusmenhosetix]

I am on the waiting list!!!

Well this is it! I'm finally being treated for my condition after 14 years of constant suffering. I'm officially on the Pineal cyst removal surgery waiting list which is 6 months at the minimum. But I'm good at waiting at this point. :')

[horusmenhosetix]

CC to-do list:

Geneticised Skins - nearly done, just editing the files with the new scale

Remain Unnamed Skin blend

Maxis Match Eye set

Bratz fashion - only eyeshadow left

Hair retextures and recolours in my new system

Default hairs retextured and recoloured in my new system

I have a lot of stuff in the works, I'm just incredibly slow and bad at actually finishing anything xD

[horusmenhosetix]

Would you theoretically date me?

I'm very isolated due to my chronic illness, basically am a real life hermit crab, and haven't really met many queer ppl irl.. My brain makes me feel like an alien, like there's something wrong with me people sense immediately, that's the autism baybee.

if you were to meet me irl would you like the look of me? like am i dateable or an actual bog creature?

[horusmenhosetix]

Brain Surgery Update

I got recommended a surgeon in Prague and I managed to get into contact with him yesterday night! I was not expecting a response to my email at 4am but I'm very thankful for the response. He said I would be a good candidate for the surgery and we should talk! I've heard surgery with him is 7.5k total but I'm not sure, I need to find out properly but this is much more manageable than the other figures I was getting.

I love my new computer <3 it's so good!! I haven't tested sims 2 or 3 out on it yet but i'm tentatively excited to see how this beastly card handles them..

So I'm holding on to hope for my future.

{Also streaming was really fun! I'm interested in actually trying to do it properly.}

[horusmenhosetix]

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i present to you... a creature...

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Created by TumblrTop10

Not a very eventful year sims wise. I’ve just been so fatigued the entire year. I hope to actually play the game this new year!!