#His actual dental hygiene is fine. The barbarians he stole teeth from however? Not so much.

[mimikeaton]

The Lord of Smiles

I met a lord once. He hailed from an ancient place, far off and frozen. Bowing low before my flowery throne, I couldn't help but remark upon his immaculate facial hair. He bore a fiery red moustache, plump and well groomed like a fat and happy cat, laid upon his upper lip.

He thanked me with a laugh, his bulging rosy cheeks all I could see of his smile, his mouth entirely hidden beneath the aforementioned facial hair. In return, the visitor, in his politeness, complimented my home, admiring the elegance of its vaulted ceiling made of woven dreams held aloft by pillars of ambition. I bid him thanks, and with pleasantries over, I invited him to join me for dinner and a nightcap or two to follow.

We spoke on many topics, some near to my heart and others far, finding the balance of our interests, as strangers are often wont to do. I even went so far as to ask how he came by his name. The Lord of Smiles leaned back, telling me of the neighbours to his lands, how in his conquests he took not gold nor gems but teeth plenty from his captured rivals. When I asked him why, he told me he had his reasons. His mischievous cheeks once more denoted the prescience of a wry smile as he looked into his goblet. Filled with a blend of cheap brandy and the god's own ambrosia, he swilled slowly and thoughtfully in his hand. I thought it best not to press the issue right now, lest I find myself intrusively licking a bleeding gum line for the next several weeks.

We finished up shortly and took drinks in the parlour. One nightcap became two, became four and multiplied as they so often do into the early morning hours. We spoke on many more topics and shared almost as many laughs, though no matter how roaring or haughty the lord's laughter became, his mouth was still obscured. Finally, with a baker's dozen glasses of courage in my stomach, I asked him once more, "Why oh why do you take the teeth of those you defeat?"

"Fine, I will tell you," He said with a smile, his rosy cheeks rising ever higher and growing ever wider. "Because the world's wealth is plentiful." As he spoke, his cheeks kept rising and dimples deepening. "Gems and jewels may be replaced" His lips peeled back, and his moustache went with them. "But there is only one smile for every person upon this earth." The Cheshire maw distended, his ill-fitting teeth a dozen rows deep and every frightful colour of maize there could be. "And for all their would-be wealth, now their smiles will never be the same again."