#He's vibin in my garden

[askmercenary]

Handle bean Naib with care (please don't eat them)

[He's chillin with a mystery sprout dw]

[ballpitwitch]

Keanu Reeves performing at The Roxy in Los Angeles - July 18, 2023

[hausofmamadas]

PRIMOGENITAL | the Wisdom of Fredward Horniman

From The Gentlemen, Episode 1 - Refined Agression

∴

Look, you guys. He’s really suffered, okay?

He’s been STABBED in the heart, he’s been London-BRIDGED(?), he’s been FUCKED in the face, DOGGED on the floor.

And it’s true. He has, despite being the firstborn son, been relegated to the truly harrowing fate of being the most embarrassingly, painfully, mediocre progeny in the family line, that his dad had no choice but to break with 600yrs of tradition and cut him out of the will, passing everything to younger, much cooler more responsible brother, Edwina “Eddie” Horniman. And isn’t not having a bullshit title, nor the crushing debt of his father’s failed above-board business, nor having to deal with the surprise! extensive, underground potfarm on the estate grounds and all the accompanying stress and criminal hijinx with it— well, isn’t it just the most traumatic thing you can imagine???????

Now all Freddy gets to do is:

live in historic mansion with way-too-cool-to-be-caught-dead-with-him, Inexplicable-Stunt-Driver-Wife Tamasina (known by abs legendary nickname of Wham Tam) who also, when asked by Freddy in a moment of desperation if she thinks he’s a cock, rightly points out, “all men are cocks, Freddy”

pal around in chicken costume and steal cars with chill asf brother that he only occasionally wants dead, Steady Eddie who’s legit so good at everything that Freddy doesn’t have to be good at anything

go “fishing” aka chuck live grenades into lake full of salmon, a method worthy of Park-Tuna-Assassin Ramon Arellano Félix and invent Crack!Weed another Ramon-coded pasttime with bestie-botanist and lover of all things hydroponic, hallucinogenic, and Special Sauce, Jimmy Chang …. AND

Skeet shoot out in picturesque estate garden with creature-whisperer, actual live angel, and all around Dilf-of-the-manor, Geoff

Oh, the horror.

No, but honestly, I cannot summon from memory a single character I have so biblically despised on first watch, only to full 180, violently swing in the opposite direction to straight glee/appreciation for the comedic marvel that is Mr. (not!)Duke-SirFancyPants-RoyalDumpsterFire-LordSomethingErOther, the one, the only, Frederick “Fredward” Horniman aka thisprince👇

Yeah, talk about refined aggression? I had some refined ass aggression toward ole Fred, here. Like when I tell you I hated this “man,” I h a t e d this man.

All I could think the whole time, on first watch was, wowowow, y’know what’s worse than a useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus …?

A loud useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus.

My mans, Eddie is wayyy too generous here☝️and every other time he bails Freddy out of whatever pigshit he manages to shove his full face into bc I’d be throwing more than paper. That antique furniture would regrettably be sailing thru the air, straight at that fat melon of this nepo-baby dressed in DivineRightofKings drag, if only to get a precious few fucking seconds of silence.

Like the only one reacting appropriately here is Charly☝️who Freddy snarkily calls Lady Macbeth with a mix of love and contempt only a sibling can display which like, not the best? insult? To be called one of the most groundbreaking female characters of all time? But our boy is nothing if not scholarly, right. So im sure he super paid attention when the class was reading Macbeth

So, yeah. He’s basically the worst. There’s a metric fuck ton of evidence to support that. AND YET, this mf isn’t completely useless bc after my 2nd and 3rd rewatch specifically witnessing the genius that is his alter ego, plastic Russian gangster, Anatoly Givenchy Romanov who laavs orange cars and Siberian tigers let me do tell you, against my better judgment, I found myself growing to love and adore the (2nd) funniest character in an already hilarious show (crown goes to beautiful tropical fish Jimmy bc mans always proper vibin’)

And now, when I watch this scene, instead of berserker levels of enraged, I’m struck with a disorienting combo of secondhand cringe + juvenile glee??? Like instead of wanting to aggravated manslaughter my own tv, I’m just “awww, Fredward. What a little nothing you are. Look how silly you look in your lil boarding school jumper.” And it feels good(?) but mostly bad. And then I do this

like the true American scum that I am.

═

taglist: @drabbles-mc @when-did-this-become-difficult @narcolini, @ladygoatee ⇝ tagged bc even tho you have zero intention of watching, you were diligently taking notes

[mutated-green-things]

I do have thoughts on this but I think they all do fall under the 'living part time with a significant other' type beat. Honestly though I think that as the turtles grow older they never exactly... split the family to go off to make a new family? People/mutants/etc just keep getting added to it. And in like. An immediate family way too. Raph, Mikey, and Donnie all begin to consider Usagi to be another brother eventually as one example. April is either older sister or aunt. Casey is similarly the big brother/weird uncle. BUT if the turtles ever did move. In my mind (and turtle boyfriend au) it would be: Leonardo lives part time in Usagi's world. They have a modest home there with decor, a garden, etc. Donatello and Leatherhead do just live in a different part of the underground of NYC. Though in my mind it's usually not a sewer but an abandoned NYC subway tunnel. I even like to imagine their home is just a very renovated/technologically advanced string of old subway cars. They're close enough to the old sewer lair that they visit all the time though. Most commonly for dinner! Raphael lives the farthest away (unless you wanna count the whole alternate dimension thing as farther though in my head it's always been so easy for Leo and Usagi to return to NYC via magic that Raph is the farthest in practice) since he lives on the Triceraton homeworld with Traximus. After the whole Ceraton revolution Traxi becomes a respected high-level politician and honestly Raph spends his time in the lap of alien luxury just kind of vibin. I think there might be arguments here and there about him not visiting home enough. Either from Splinter or Leo or even Mikey but he does still come home pretty frequently. I think there could be some magic involved in that process (Traximus does participate in the Battle Nexus after all, but I think Triceratons aren't as well versed in the mystic arts as say, the people from Usagi's world. So it's more of a Thing to dimension hop for them) And Mikey. Well okay. Part of my headcanons just say that Mikey never really moves out and instead Slash ends up moving into the lair and they just live there with Splinter. But I've also tossed around the idea of Mikey and Slash living much closer to the docks of NYC so they can regularly go free swimming in the Long Island Sound or Lower Bay. Near a nexus of drainage pipes or something. Which would make their situation very similar to Don and LH's. They have their own underground home that's built with help from the rest of the family (especially help from the dynamic science duo that is Leathertello)

Okay this is a middle of the night odd TMNT logic thought:

Where would the Turtles even go if they decided to ever 'Move Out'?

This kinda hit me as an adjacent to if Leo and Usagi got married where would they live, but then really I couldn't help but wonder what the Turtles would do if they wanted to essentially find their own place.

Like would they just move to another part of the sewers in New York? Would they decide to live out in the woods at the Farm House or close to there? For Rise would they move to the Hidden City?

Would they go to a different world like go to Usagis world?

Or is their seperation anxiety on a level where they have a hard time with this and they literally just make a little get away place a couple blocks over, for when they feel things are just a bit much in the moment.

I've read a few different fanfiction that briefly bring this kind of thing up, but it's mostly they all move, or one of them part time lives with a significant other.

If you want to add your own ideas, go right ahead.

Because at least part of my mental work is like 'Rise Boys might move their train car somewhere else, but then come back because they miss everyone' or they kinda fixed part of the old lair, and visit every now and then.

[srpiedra]

May I present to you

My gf's cat, he lives in their vegetable garden and he's chill asf

Look at him he's just vibin

Also here's a sleepy kitty

Oops another two

[doodlesanddemons]

A simple gardener

[thesunshineriptide]

Reacting to you happy stimming aggressively

Characters: Jade, Leona, Jack, Trey, Riddle, Vil, Floyd, Silver, Malleus, Kalim, Idia, Ortho

Cw// stimming in both safe and potentially unsafe ways (including hitting) uuuuh because i am stimming hard, also potentially triggering initial reactions because a lot of the stims are,,,,not generally accepted? And it’s based off of me,,, anyway brief spoilers for chapter 5 for ortho

P.s. I wrote this when I was trying to calm down from stimming too hard

Jade - patting

- Jade wouldn’t say he’s confused about what you’re doing, more so as to why. What happened to elicit some a reaction?

- He watches carefully as pat your hands rhythmically against your thighs, occasionally losing your pace and switching it to something different

- “May I ask why you’re doing that?”

- He actually feels a bit nervous when you look at him like he’ll think you’re insane if you tell him, and is quick to soothe

- “If you don’t mind answering, that is. If it’s personal, I do apologize.”

- It takes a moment for you to explain that you’re just….happy. You’re enjoying his company and it’s filling you with energy that you have to get out

- He’s honored that you’re so excited, and gives a very sweet smile in return.

- “How very sweet of you. I’m glad you find my company so pleasing. I was quite enjoying your beat as well.”

Trey - chewing on non-food objects

- Trey is quick to try and take anything that isn’t food out of someone’s mouth. He’s an older brother, and no stranger to kids doing that

- He’s a little confused when you look at him with a hurt little frown and move to put your hoodie string back in your mouth.

- “Prefect, that’s not food. Are you hungry?”

- When you shake your head and finally release the wet hoodie string and sigh, he’s honestly unsure what to do.

- “You shouldn’t chew on that.”

- “Why not?” You retort. “I do it all the time.”

- “Does it…taste good?” He asks

- You shake your head, “It’s for the chew, not the taste. I just need to bite.”

- It takes him a little to understand what you mean, but after some research he decides to offer you some chewlery instead, because your hoodie is probably not a sanitary snack

Leona - Invisible trumpet

- Leona was just vibin nearby when he hears you roll up with your headphones on, wandering through the botanical gardens

- You aren’t humming, which he appreciates because it means he can take a nap, but he’s distracted when he sees you wiggling your fingers in a way that looks almost painful.

- It’s sharp, jagged movements that look a bit similar to someone playing a trumpet, but not nearly as close to the face.

- He spends some time quietly observing you until eventually he just gives up and goes to sleep

- He doesn’t see any issue with the behavior, nor does he find it weird or anything and genuinely just. Doesn’t ever bring it up. But if someone else says some shit? No they didn’t because he will not be letting someone make fun of his herbivore

Jack - shaking leg

- “can you please stop shaking your leg?”

- “Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry.” You say. You manage to stay still for five minutes, then absentmindedly begin to shake your leg again

- It’s distracting for Jack, but he can’t bring it in himself to do it

- Eventually, you seem to remember, and mumble another apology to him

- Jack just wants to get through class man, but your shoelaces are snapping against the deck just right and it’s annoying.

- He begins to realize you’re not doing it on purpose, and decides to help

- “Hey, I’m trying out these new laces for track meet, I got you a pair! We should try ‘em together.”

- The new laces are basically just rubber bands that keep your shoes closed. No more smacking against the desk for YOUR aglets!

- He’s eternally grateful that he no longer has to hear that AND you still get to stim

🐝🦇🦅🦆🪲🐌🐛🐞🦋🐍🐢🦎🐈‍⬛🐐🦌🦔🦦🦫🐉🐿🐀🦡🦨🦝

(I ran out of pictures 😭😭😭)

Silver - swaying back and forth

- Silver first learns of your swaying habit when you hugged him one time and he immediately fell asleep on your shoulder

- He learned of it again when he saw you standing around in the hallway, swaying from side to side as you chatted with Ace and Deuce.

- Silver, in honesty, had no issue with this. It’s just a quirk some e people do, it’s not a big deal.

- He soon finds, though, that swaying back and forth is actually really good for him though.

- He tends to snap awake whenever he’s pitched forward too far, so swaying keeps him alert

- Now, whenever you two talk, you’re both just swaying back and forth like a couple of praying mantises

Malleus - spinning

- “Child of man, what is it that you’re doing?” He asks in a gentle voice

- There’s no need to panic around him - he’s in a club entirely dedicated to gargoyles after all, dude’s clearly not neurotypical - so you answer with a smile

- “I’m spinning! It feels good, and I’m happy. You should try it.”

- Malleus gives a bemused smile before shrugging

- He begins to spin. You’re spinning nearby, but you stop for a second to smile at him joining you

- Now you’re both spinning and Malleus seems to be enjoying it

- You have accidentally turned another person onto your stim. Congrats!

- Sebek is losing his mind because sometimes Malleus just begins to spin in the Diasomnia lounge and it is very hard to protect a personified spinning top

Kalim - dancing

- Kalim doesn’t even question what you’re doing, he immediately just joins

- He’ll even turn on some music

- You two have a dance party even if that wasn’t your intention

- If he ever finds you randomly dancing without music, he will immediately join.

- Probably gaslit a couple people into thinking music was playing and they were just deaf

- You’re officially adopted by the pop music club

Idia - arm/hand flapping

- Idia has been doing this since forever

- First time he sees it was when you were talking in the library with someone

- He’s genuinely surprised anyone else would do it, and so publicly

- He might be inclined to invite you over to his dorm room to watch anime or whatever

- He would be comfortable enough to hand flap in front of you as well

- This man’s stims hard dude. His hair gets brighter as well and he makes some lil happy stim noises to go with it

- You also have a buddy to infodump shit to now because he will DEFINITELY do that to you

- You will know all about his wifus and his games be the end of the week. You’re officially his friend now

👾👾👾

Ortho - vocal stimming

- Ortho is a little confused at first, but after some searches in his database, he figures out that you’re fine, you’re just happy.

- If you vocal stim a song, he’s glad to play it for you so it alleviates some of the brain tension

- If it’s an animal noise (for instance, meowing, barking, mooing, etc) he will do it back to you. This can go on for hours because he genuinely just enjoys seeing you happy

- If it’s an incomprehensible noise, he won’t make it back, but he might record it for future reference so when he hears it he doesn’t think someone’s murdering you

- If it’s chirping, he will chirp back. I know this because I am ortho-

- (Spoilers for chapter five) when Idia gives him his vocaloid voice he is one hundred percent using it with you at some point

Riddle - wiggling

- Riddle is immediately anti-stimming because his mother forced him to stop doing it as a child (that’s why he’s so anxious and angry all the time)

- Someone else (*cough*Cater*cough*) has to intervene and tell him to not comment on it because he always manages to say the wrong thing

- Cater also has to explain to him that you’re just doing it because you’re happy! It’s not against the rules, anyway

- He has to fight against a lot of ingrained shit until he plucks up the courage to not only apologize for being rude, but ask you about it

- If you explain it to him, he just nods along with a blank face for a while

- It takes him roughly a week before he comes back and asks you to teach him how to stim

- After learning how he’s immediately so much nicer and more chill. His face rarely even goes red anymore.

Vil - rocking

- “Spudling, please, we’re in public.”

- One look at your crestfallen face and the immediate rigid body language makes him regret what he said so fast

- He spends a lot of time thinking about why he doesn’t want you to do that, only to find that it’s all appearances and those don’t matter as much as you

- If he finds you doing it again, he’ll begin to gently rock with you. He pretends nothing is amiss, and is relieved when you notice and brighten a bit

- He won’t ever directly apologize, but he will try to make his stupid comment up to you and then proceed to educate himself

- If someone takes video and posts it, he will fight every internet troll and make sure you never see any of it

Floyd - hitting

- Floyd also has a lot of aggressive stims, the most obvious ones being squeezing and biting

- You’ve literally watched him get too excited while holding a soda can and it just. Exploded in his grip

- He’s not surprised that you stim as well, but he is surprised it’s so…violent

- You don’t hit others most of the time, but the fact that you’re smacking yourself is a little concerning to him.

- Don’t worry, he’s got the cure!

- It’s squeezing. He just wraps himself around you and squeezes you

- It actually works (there’s actual psychological studies about this, applying pressure is a great way to alleviate the stim stress) so it ends up being a good symbiotic relationship! You don’t have to explain why your skin is all red and he gets to squeeze his shrimp!

[fatherwerewolf]

some more sonadow headcanons bc gay rights

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one of sonic languages to shadow is gifting him candles. shadow won't outwardly admit it, but he fucking LOVES candles, it reminds him of the good times he had with maria on the ark, when they used to light candles together and explore the ark when everyone else was fast asleep. sonic gifts shadow candles of various scents, and whilst he mostly enjoys all of them, his alltime favorites are lavender, vanilla caramel, linen (another thing that reminds him of maria), and any sort of tea infused candle.

gifting each other a bouquet of flowers is neither sonic's or shadow's "thing", but, one of shadow's love languages to sonic is giving him honeysuckle. it reminds him of some of sonic's attributes, his loving, kind and selfless, passionate nature. whenever he finds one or multiple, he always makes sure to take a quick whiff of them. it's a sweet smell, the smell of honeysuckle. it makes his day a little brighter. and when he gives some to sonic and sonic express how grateful he is, it makes his day all the better, even if he doesn't express it as much. (but what shadow DOESN'T KNOW is that sonic has been saving all the honeysuckle shadow has given him, him and tails built a little garden some ways away where they live, and sonic, with the help of amy, has been able to persevere and care for all the honeysuckle, and sonic plans to show shadow this as a surprise one of these days, maybe for their anniversary or sum)

this might be kinda stereotypical but when drunk, sonic and shadow's personalities flip. shadow be acting MAD GOOFY like WAYYYY goofer than sonic has ever been, and then sonic just turns a more emotional version of shadow who's tired of everyone's shit (especially shadow's when they get drunk LMAO). this is kinda the same thing with their high, but they highkey just stay the same, with shadow being confused and having no idea where he is, and with sonic just vibin and giggling his ass off. occasionally silver joins them and then its just a fatass MESS OF UNDER THE INFLUENCE HEDGEHOGS.

for a while, at the beginning of their relationship, things were VERY awkward. like, VERY VERY AWKWARD. sure, both sonic and (surprisingly) shadow have "play" flirted with one another to get underneath the other's skin, but now things were gonna be a little different. to no surprise, sonic was the one who initiated the relationship, but he never really made a big deal about it, it took him guts surely, but never made a huge deal out of it. one day while sonic and shadow were taking a small break from a mission, he just kinda said "i think ur pretty cool and we've been through alot, so wanna be my boyfriend?" and shadow raised his brow, shrugged and then said "sure." both sonic and shadow were screaming on the inside tho bc neither them was expecting this sort of interaction being a mission lmao. but, what the hard part was figuring out how to be in a relationship, how to feel comfortable with one another, to love and to keep things mutual. it was definitely hard, since both are on the move so frequently, and a few times, both of them wanted to give up, but they held on, and they pulled through. now they're inseparable basically LMAO.

sonic tends to keep things people have gave him. example of that would be chip's bracelet (or necklace lowkey forgot what it was), and shadow's inhibitor rings from sonic adventure 2 when shadow fell to earth. sonic couldn't save shadow in time, so the only thing he could grab at the time were his inhibitor rings. when in mourning, he wrote shadow's name on the inside of them, and kept them close to his person at almost all times. but, with shadow back ofc and with new inhibitor rings, sonic had no idea if he should give back shadow's old pair, or continue to keep them. so, sonic wore them on a day he knew he would be with shadow, and once shadow saw his old pair on sonic's wrist, he immediately reacted.

"are those...my inhibitor rings?"

"they sure are, shads. back when we fought the biolizard and i couldn't save you in time, the only thing i could grab were these. I've had them ever since... I've...kept them safe for you, heh! uh, do...do you want them back?"

shadow smiled ever so slightly. "no, keep them, faker. i have no use for them now. i know how much those probably mean to you, anyway.

and so that's how that convo of shadow's old inhibitors went 😏

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that's it for 2day folks!! hope u enjoyed!!

[albatris]

hi hi hello i come bearing a Blorbo Ramble

so! Salvatore. my mans. he's a vampire from yet another semi-obscure horror/creepypasta series i'm fixated on called Bonesaw Vic's Cryptozoological Gardens!! a series about a guy who gets a job working at a zoo for monsters, run by an ex hitman! and my mans Salvatore is one of the exhibits, and i'm so fixated on him!!

the backstory for Salvatore is that he was a mobster alongside the zoo's owner (Victor), working for the same boss. unfortunately, though, Victor turned against him, tricking him and then feeding him to a group of vampires, resulting in him being turned into one. he then kept Salvatore trapped in an abandoned warehouse for a couple years, but he broke out eventually.

Salvatore tried to hunt Victor down to get his revenge, but he ended up being captured and he's been kept in the zoo as like... his punishment for daring to stand against Victor. and Salvatore really highlights how fucked up the zoo is, because he hasn't been fed in the nearly 10 years or so that he's been there. because vampires can't technically die from starvation, even if they feel its effects. so he's just... suffering constantly and all too aware that there's no way out for him.

the series isn't done yet so idk where it's going, but i just adore Salvatore. he's interesting and tragic and incredibly entertaining. and there's a lot of details i didn't go into that make me more interested in him (like how he actually killed the vampires who turned him, how he taught himself to perfect his limited mind control abilities without any help, or like.... so much more.... i love him)

also i looked at him and diagnosed him with Gender so i have decided he's trans (and also intersex!), and i want to do something exploring that but we'll see ajdjjf i just. i care him

HI HI HELLO

Salvatooooore beloved

poor dude, holy shit, he sounds like he's had such a rough go of it??? please dear god let this guy catch a break???

Victor better watch his fuckin back bc he's gonna catch these hands if he's not careful. Victor sounds like a jerk and I am GOING to fight him

the uhhh zoo for monsters sounds like. hm. well, it sure is something! I'm all for a monster zoo in theory as long as the monsters are well-cared for and are vibin and have proper enrichment and space and protection and aren't, y'know, STARVED FOR TEN YEARS????? (BRUH??)..... but yeah this zoo sounds fucked..... and I will also be fistfighting the zoo as a concept and everyone who has a hand in running it :)

but yeah uhh?? Salvatore sounds like he's kind of a fuckin hardcore badass and has done some pretty impressive stuff in some pretty bleak circumstances.... like.... I still wish things were better and easier for the lad though.....

I want to protect him, I want to wrap him in a blanket, I want to launch everyone who has been cruel to him into the sun. I am giving him a little kiss on the forehead

also..... Salvatore intersex and trans of gener..... yes. stamp of approval. yes yes yes

[loverofthewindgod]

🥞Brunch Bunch 🥞

There are so many ways one can enjoy a lovely Sunday afternoon. Strolling through the park, going to the mall, having a family cookout, sleeping in the whole day, you name it. For these 5 ladies, it's quality sister time that they rarely get to have, and what better way to enjoy that than having brunch at the greatest Café in existence!

'Scuse me, Imma just insert this wholesome imagery of the sisters vibin while makin their way downtown ^_^

Sienna: "When I say 'sister', y'all say 'time'! "Sister!"

Avani, Safara, Xuna: "Time!"

Sienna: "Sister!"

Avani, Safara, Xuna: "Time!"

Xuna: "When I say 'yummy', y'all say 'food'! "Yummy!"

Sienna, Safara, Avani: "Food!"

Xuna: "Yummy!"

Sienna, Safara, Avani: "Food!"

Tootega: "When I say 'shut', please shut up."

The Squad: 😗😗😗😗......

Avani: "Shut!"

Sienna, Xuna, Safara: "Up!"

Avani: "Shut!"

Sienna, Xuna, Safara: "Up!"

Tootega: "I'm surrounded by idiots." 😑😑😑

"Alrighty now, who's ready to have their mind and taste buds blown away?" Sienna asked, playfully walking backwards.

"Pshhhh, as an expert foodie I'll be glad to test that statement." Avani proudly shot back.

"Yea, Gordon Ramsay has NOTHING on you sis." Tootega rolled her eyes at her sister's bravado.

"I'm so happy that we get to spend time together and it's not for training or at some boring meeting!" Safara exclaimed, happily raising her hands to the sky.

"Fujin mentioned his visits to your family business and sounds like he enjoyed himself. Is it true that's where you first learned the art of cooking?" Xuna asked.

"True it be, Madam Sunshine!" Sienna finger gunned, earning a giggle from Xuna.

"Amazing! I can't wait until we arrive!"

"Well wait no longer, coz we've arrived! Ladies and Queens, it is with great honor that I welcome you to my family's pride and joy, ba da da daaaa! The Serene Garden!"

~insert Sienna doing the Will Smith Oscar pose~

Upon entering the establishment, Xuna, Avani, and Safara dropped their jaws in awe as they glanced around, even Tootega gave an impressed nod. The Café had such a warm, inviting rustic ambiance to it. The aroma of freshly made coffee and pastries filled the room, there was lively chatter among the patrons in the dining area, the bar, even the kitchen staff sounded merry. Not to mention there's a secluded library section for book lovers. You know where Tootega's gonna venture off to, heh.

Some of the patrons stopped what they were doing and noticed the ladies walking around, understandably taken aback by height differences and beautiful appearances. If they weren't 5 powerful Goddesses, one would've thought they were simply a group of insanely hot supermodels going out to eat.

As Sienna continued showing the gals around, she noticed her pawpaw Kojoe at a table serving some coffee with a side of smiles.

"Cuckoo Koko!" Almost dropping the kettle after hearing the very familiar voice, Kojoe took a deep breath, politely excused himself from the table, and just dashed his way on over to his daughter.

"MAHH BEBEH GORLLL!!!!" YOU CAME BAAAAAACK!!" What better way to welcome your child back than to hug em tight and spin them around like a mad man while speaking an entirely different language in front of your customers hahaha.

"Oh gods, more weird people." Tootega winced at the unusual, yet wholesome family encounter.

"Lemme tell you sumthin, buttercup. The second I heard Cuckoo, that's when I thought, 'hmm only one gal knows how cuckoo koko be, and that when I knew it was my little rose bud." Kojoe whimsically booped his daughter on the nose, as if he forgot or just refused to believe that his girl is all grown up. Sienna then took the time to introduce the Goddesses to her father.

"Girls, I want you to meet my father, Kojoe. Paw paw, these lovely ladies are Fujin's sisters: This is Avani, Tootega, Safara, and Xuna."

"Well I'll be cornfunded! Y'all are related to Fujin Apple?"

"Woah woah...related to who did what now?" Tootega was straight up dumbfounded by the nickname, while Xuna, Safara and Avani were trying so hard not to laugh.

"Oh, Fujin Apple is his nickname the family gave him. It's a long story." Sienna giggled.

"Ooohhh you don't know what you've done, I'm gonna have a blast with this." Avani maliciously rubbed her hands together, plotting future embarrassment for her younger brother.

"So anyway paw paw, today is a very special day I get to spend with these very special ladies. Think you can help me out with something very special?" Sienna asked.

"Sure thing baby girl. Whatchu need?"

"We need to initiate Operation Brunch Bunch"

Right on cue, the staff stopped in the middle of their duties, looking like a bunch of deer in headlights. It's not very often they get an order like this, and they were pretty excited! Knowing that the order came from Sienna meant that it had to be more wonderful than usual.

"Ohh yea we gotchu, we gotchu wildflower! You and your sisters sit back and we'll handle everything for y'all!" Kojoe kissed his daughter on the forehead before he superman'ed himself through the kitchen window alongside his head chef hubby and the rest of the crew, getting right to work.

In the meantime, the Goddesses got cozy at the outdoor patio and served Raspberry Mimosas, enjoying the peaceful, scenic view of the large fields and mountains.

"I know I have my own temple and land, but man oh man! This is the life!" Avani raised her glass, feeling on top of the world.

"Sienna, this place is absolutely beautiful! I'll have to bring Raiden here sometime, even if i have to drag him from his chambers."

"I can guarantee you he won't be mad for long once you do. Sienna suggested.

Safara happily spun around dreaming as if she was back at Strawberry Fields."I'm certain Grey would love this outdoor space, almost as much as Kiva and Hana would."

~cuts to scene of Tootega sipping her beverage in the library, reading~

"Oh look! The food's ready!" Sienna gestured over to the group of servers emerging from indoors with trays of food.

Pancakes, chicken and waffles, a french toast bake, a garden frittata, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, roasted potatoes, danish cream puff pastries, croissants, muffins, biscuits with butter, honey & homeade jams, and a fresh fruit platter. The spread layed out across the table looked like a grand buffet, truly a sight to behold.

"Bon Appétit, Mademoiselles." The servers bowed before returning inside, ending with Kojoe and Sienna exchanging two thumbs up.

The ladies gathered together at the table, taken back by the tasty offerings brought before them. After a short and sweet prayer, it was time to chow down!

"Where to start, where to start..." Avani, now in expert foodie mode, contemplated from the vast amount of food to choose from. She went for the French toast, took her first bite and she went silent, shutting her eyes.

"Soooo...what's the verdict?" Sienna teased.

"Shhhhh...I can't even look at you right now." Avani waved her fork around like she's in a dreamy haze. She was on cloud nine, a delicious fluffy toast cloud in French heaven.

"I think I'll be coming back for the chicken and waffles here."

"Oooh, the cream danishes are soooo tasty!!"

"Don't sleep on biscuits with honey, it's insane."

"Hmm, the frittata tastes pretty good."

A delectable feast such as this fit for royalty, let alone 5 Goddesses, the verdict was unanimous. Overall score gets 10 thumbs up. A Flawless (and delicious) victory!

Buuuut....it doesn't end there. Even after demolishing all that food, there was still plenty of room for early dessert! To the bakery!

"So we get our own box of whatever pastries we desire?" Xuna asked, admiring the many selections. Donuts, cupcakes, tarts, you name it. Tootega was busy keeping Avani and Safara from drooling all over the display glass.

"You sure can! Go on and help yourselves!" Sienna gave them the green light to satisfy their sweet tooths. Avani and Safara ended up getting 4 boxes each. One for the way back, one for their students, and two for a midnight snack. Safara just had to get more of those danishes that stole her heart. Tootega, Sienna and Xuna just settled for 2 boxes each. Business was real good for the bakery that day.

Now cut to the scene where the gals are heading home, sampling a few treats while just reflecting on the wonderous day they had.

"Three cheers for Sienna, who graced us with this wonderful get-together!"

"Hip hip hoorah!" Safara and Avani cheered with their mouths full.

"Today was nice." Tootega shrugged, acting like she didn't enjoy herself. She ain't foolin anybody.

"Aww, I'm touched. But I think we all deserve a cheer. Strong, beautiful, amazing, intelligent Queens who get to call each other sisters. To sisterhood!"

"To Sisterhood!!"

"Yea, I guess. Just no more sing-."

🎶Makin our way downtown, with some treats, havin fun with my sisters🎶

"Why? Why me?..." Tootega pleaded to the heavens.

Today has been nothing short of phenomenal. Each and every second was cherished. Filled with amazing food, laughter, (except Tootega lmao) and just pure vibes. Operation Brunch Bunch was a success.

Lady Xuna - @bisexualjohnnycage

The God Sisters - @ninibear3000

[kaaytea]

Getting rid of bugs for you

⤷Includes: Tsukishima, Iwazumi, Tanaka

Warnings: beetles, moths, spiders, Tsukki is a meanie :(, this is kinda crack hcs

A/n: welcome back to me projecting my worst fears into headcanons :')) part two is here!!

----------------------------------------------------------

Tsukishima

He's so mean about it bro

Bugs don't bother him toooo much, he just thinks they're nasty

Always finds a way to tease you about needing him to get rid of bugs for you

Anyways

So you are straight vibin~ in the bathroom getting ready for the day, music blasting when suddenly you see something fluttering about behind you in the mirror

It's a moth a BIG, FUZZY, NASTY ASS MOTH

GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGE-

you sLaM the bathroom door shut and zoOM to find your knight in thick prescription glasses 🥰

He just kinda looks at you as you explain how serious the situation is and how you nEED him to help you

Sighs very dramatically and follows you to the bathroom

He's pure evil good luck soldier 😔

"You're being dramatic there's no moth in here."

"What?! Yes it is, it's totally in there, it's fucking huge you can't miss it."

You go in to point out where it is but this snake has the audacity to slip out the door and LOCK YOU IN THE BATHROOM WITH THE ENEMY!!

"TSUKKI PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR, THIS ISNT FUNNY!"

"Huh? Sorry I can't hear you, you know the walls are thick."

"Please Kei....let me out, I feel like I'm gonna cry and throw up at the same time... please"

Dammit now he feels bad

You just sound so small and terrified :(

Regret and guilt is all he feels

He opens the door and you dart out of there, he takes care of the moth ( you definitely weren't kidding that thing was nasty) and then pulls you into a hug and presses a kiss to your forehead

"I'm sorry...I took it too far."

"It's ok, just never do that again."

Iwazumi

Why does he love bugs so much?

Like genuinely concerned for his health

Bugs don't phase him at all, boys a veteran beetle catcher so he knows what he's doing

never ever kills the bugs, he always safely catches them in a cup and sets them free in the garden

You had the kitchen windows open to let some fresh air in while you made some cookies, you weren't paying attention to your surroundings so you completely missed the, very large, rhino beetle bop his way into your kitchen

You went to grab the rubber spatula on the counter behind you when you finally noticed him chilling on yOuR spatula

SCREAMING, CHAOS, FIRE ALARM, TORNADO SIREN, THOES RED FLASHING LIGHTS ALL GOING OFF AT ONCE IN YOUR BRAIN

It was a stare down, just you and this beetle

Yeah screw this you need to bring in the big guns

"Hajime!! Help! Hurry!"

He rAN into the kitchen bc he thought you hurt yourself

Then he saw you sitting on the island counter cowering in fear pointing at the lil beetle guy

He just :)) you're so cute 💖

He goes over and gently picks the beetle up

"Ew ew! Don't pick it up with your hands!!"

"......how else do you expect me to pick it up?"

"NoT wItH yOur hAnDs?! Kill it, get it out, I don't wanna see it anymore."

"I'm not gonna kill a helpless beetle. They're not that bad babe.....I actually think they're kinda cute."

"I'm disowning you."

Tanaka

He's trying his best babes...he really is

Wants to look really brave in front of you but....

He can't handle bugs well

Saeko is a great sister but there have been a few..uh instances

(Am I implying that she has purposely dropped spiders onto Ryuu as kids? Yes, yes I am)

So here you are, sitting in ya bedroom scrolling through your phone

And guess what decided to visit you

Spider

Big spider

VERY BIG SPIDER

BIG SPIDER THAT IS STRAIGHT SPEED CRAWLING ABOVE YOU ON THE CELLING

yeah no

"RYUU! HOLY JESUS, RYUU GET IN HERE!"

"What's wrong?"

"SPiDEr! SPEED SPIDER! BIG SPEED SPIDER!!"

"........"

"I hate it here."

It's fine, he's fine spiders don't bother him at all... Ha ha

Knees pads: CHECK!

Oven mitts: CHECK!

Fly swatter: CHECK!

Bug spray: CHECK!

Long sleeves, pants, and a beanie: CHECK!

it's go time, he may hate spiders but right now his baby is counting on him and he never lets you down >:)

You hide in the living room while he takes care of the demon

You hear these things in order: a loud thud, vIcioUs spraying, then silence

Huh, you honestly didn't expect him to do it

........

Cue loud, high pitched screech and Tanaka flying out of the bed room slamming the door close

"We have to burn the house down now."

"......I'm calling Saeko to come save us."

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au part 21

post directory

em: viola and becs love their lil hikes

em: oh actually did we already designate hiking as a damie thing

em: hmm.

em: yknow what damie and vibecca can both enjoy their weekend hikes

em: they bring isabel and she’s RUNNING up the path and tires herself out in 10 minutes and rebecca and viola swap out piggybacking her

obsetress: yeah it tracks because they both like fitness and viola likes her walks

obsetress: plus viola's like "it's good for isabel"

em: vibecca power lesbians love the challenging trails and damie just enjoy the sights

obsetress: dani venting to jamie one night: they don't even LIKE hiking, but they still had to do the blackjack loop, and WE won't even do the blackjack loop,

em: dani and her fanny packs... every time she sees isabel on a trail she like

em: stuffs her pockets w granola akdhdkfhdj

em: drives viola NUTS she’s like we packed our Own snacks

obsetress: dani gets SO excited

---

obsetress: man i love these lil gay bitches

obsetress: no but um

obsetress: jamie gets in some fight w rebecca early on after they've reconnected

obsetress: prob about her dating vi tbh

obsetress: and jamie's so put off by the whole thing and is ranting to dani about it and dani's all like "you just need to have better boundaries, jamie, they're her choices, aren't they? not yours"

obsetress: and jamie just stares at her like.........................................

obsetress: "dani, you literally continued hooking up with viola for weeks after you broke up"

"oh, c'mon jamie, it wasn't weeks"

"no?"

"it was months"

em: dani shooting herself in the foot to like. correct jamie is so funny

em: not even ‘no that’s different’ or ‘no i’ve changed’ like ‘actually it was months’

obsetress: she says it w such a lil pleased smile on her face too

---

obsetress:

obsetress: like who the FUCk gave her the right???

obsetress: a whole babe

obsetress: she didn't need to smirk like this

em: god she’s so Hot

obsetress: just think about all the times she and viola get into the banter

obsetress: and this exact face

em: i know we veered dramatically into soft territory w exes au but vi extremely stubborn lloyd and rebecca lawyer do no harm take no shit jessel truly. have some spectacular arguments

obsetress: they have absolute blowouts

obsetress: and then blowouts after the blowouts iywkim

obsetress: like dani's do no harm take no shit but she and vi also enable the SHIT out of each other

em: like dani tried but dani wasnt like. fully baked yet

obsetress: yeah! and then when she finally does and breaks up with her, she's back in her bed a few weeks later

obsetress: rebecca is the first person to not take viola's shit and to tell her no and viola can't fucking stand it

em: jamies convinced it’s a ruse for more make up sex

obsetress: dani's like "no, babe, trust me, i know what that looks like and this––"

"wot"

"what?"

em: dani (hushed) no she’s regular mad this isn’t fun mad

em: jamie (hushed but incredulous) FUN MAD?!

obsetress: please tell me how dani explains fun mad

em: a lil eyebrow waggle and a wink but then i like

em: thought abt her going to lift jamie up on a bench ‘well she kinda’

---

obsetress: the way rebecca looks at peter when he is (seemingly) (unfortunately) good w the kids has me thinking about like

obsetress: rebecca seeing vi w isabel for the first time and just

em: turns out the evil landlord shes banging is also…… soft

obsetress: rebecca and jamie on the phone and rebecca's like "i know she's... a landlord and all, but you should've seen her with isabel"

"you've gotta be fucking kidding me, becs––"

"no, maybe you're too quick to write her off. maybe people can be more than one thing"

and jamie just groans

em: poor jamie and her class traitor ex gf

em: blows kiss to rebecca

---

em: dani: i gotta go to the bathroom i’ll be right back

em: jamie: ok love

em: dani; (elbows jamie) ive Gotta Go To The B

obsetress: screamed

obsetress: dani trips over her own feet as she gets up to go

obsetress: then i just start thinking about dani absolutely pouncing on jamie the second they get into the bathroom and then i just start thinking about. how often that happens

obsetress: bathrooms or closets or wherever else

em: dani has this 6th sense for places to sneak off to

obsetress: god she DOES

obsetress: she's so good at it

em: she enters a new building and is taking lil notes just in case

obsetress: meanwhile rebecca and viola exchanging a look while they wait, knowing EXACTLY where they're going

em: viola leaning in like how much time do we have and becs is like vi. where’s your decorum

em: then she looks down at her watch and lists it down to the second

obsetress: she pauses

obsetress: then

obsetress: "and another six minutes if––" and vi's like "she'll want to go again"

em: viola buffing her nails on her blazer: she’ll want to go again

obsetress: rebecca rolls her eyes but she's grinning

obsetress: "you're all too smug" "me? smug?" becs just shakes her head and tugs her in by the lapels of her blazer

em: damie coming back to a fairly chaste vibecca kiss: BLEH can you guys GET A ROOM

obsetress: rebecca's just verly placidly like

obsetress: "dani, your zipper is still down, by the way"

em: dani; thanks :)

---

em: dani clayton voice i’m braver and severely Weirder than ppl think

obsetress: she's a bit of a weirdo

em: see now i’m thinking about dani glancing away going dang i thought i was keeping it under wraps

obsetress: ngl i think about that a lot like

obsetress: she IS a weirdo but what does jamie know

obsetress: that she's like yeah she's a fucking weirdo

obsetress: like she's anxious and jumpy but jamie wouldn't call that weird

obsetress: what did she know and when did she know it

em: i’m thinking about jamie catching dani doing something like. idk eating a burger layer by layer or w a knife and fork and going

em: what a freak. i’m gonna marry her

em: dani tells jamie no this is a normal american thing and then when they go to vermont jamie realises no this absolutely is not

obsetress: she says something about it and dani doesn't even remember saying it in the first place

obsetress: "i didn't say that"

"you literally did say that"

"why would i say that"

(jamie taylor eyebrow raise) "you tell me"

(dani clayton flush and stutter) "i–– i..."

em: dani mumbles something like i didn’t think it’d pan out like this i just wanted the cool gardener to think i was. semi normal

em: jamie waggles her eyebrows like cool gardener???

obsetress: dani bumps her shoulder into jamie's "shut up"

"don't think i will, actually"

em: jamie starts to v seriously eat her burger layer by layer. danis like ‘ur taking the mick!’ and jamies like (sheepish) naw i just. wanted to see what it’s like

---

em: every so often they’ll run into someone who went to school w jamie or knew her as a youth and they’re like ‘wow you’ve mellowed out heaps’

em: therapy queen

em: theyre in a pub and someone’s like ‘as i live and breathe! jamie taylor! i heard you died! someone told me you were arrested for (crime that becomes bigger and more outlandish w every new person)’ and jamies like ‘aye’ and they’re like

em: all sharing a beer at a quaint little pub n this old acquaintance from before has these v chaotic stories and danis like

em: jamie? my jamie? u must be confused. jamie goes to bed at 9:30pm watching antiques roadshow

obsetress: jamie just grins a lil

em: danis like haha jamie wow ur so mysterious and (she is already casing the joint for places to sneak off too)

---

em: damvibecca sittin in a circle passing a joint around

em: a nice thought

obsetress: Wholesome

obsetress: dani falls asleep first, with her head in jamie's lap and they're all just kinda vibin and rebecca gets up to get her a blanket or smth and vi's just kinda like

obsetress: "you're really good for her, you know"

obsetress: all quiet and pensive

em: jamie takes a loooooonng pause and she’s like. i was sceptical but. you’re good for becs too

em: and then even quieter she’s like

em: thanks

em: the softest thank u from one jamie taylor

obsetress: rebecca gets back and looks back n forth between the two of them

"why are you two being weird"

"we're not–- what?"

"we're just sitting here, baby"

obsetress: rebecca narrows her eyes

---

obsetress: jamie likes vi for becs because vi reminds her to live a little

obsetress: and can also keep up with her temperament because holy shit did jamie hate all of becca's bougie shit

em: jamie absolutely has um

em: like a repairs pile that shes gonna get around to Some Day re fixin clothes etc and

em: as much as i love 'rebecca and jamie worlds most calm and collected no drama couple' im defs toying with like

em: their ONE Big fight is beccs throws out the repairs pile

obsetress: "i was gonna––"

"no you WEREN'T, jamie!"

em: jamies like i The Tool I Needed is outta stock i had to- and becs is like? what, like you couldnt make do?

em: and even then when the heat dies down its still v calm and civil but like

em: FINALLY a lil dramatic angle to jamie rebecca

em: dani loves the repairs pile bc she loves a project

obsetress: she's also very content to let jamie have her silly little thing

obsetress: because it doesn't bother her and jamie is very good at keeping it in her space

obsetress: rebecca asks her about it one day and dani's like "oh i'm just glad she has a hobby :)"

em: couple times jamie's like. shes been tryna repair this one chair for months and eventually shes like

em: (swings axe) winters coming

obsetress: dani just watches with the dopiest grin

obsetress: jamie's all wot

obsetress: and dani's like

obsetress: :) you're hot :)

em: danis like hey i know its a brisk autumn but um

em: if u wanna

em: mimes taking shirt off

obsetress: jamie does it

obsetress: jamie rolling her eyes as she unbuttons the top couple buttons then tugs her shirt over her head

obsetress: but she's grinning

obsetress: dani sneaking up behind her as she's sorting the wood and just leaning into her bare back

obsetress: jamie jumps "oi!" and dani grins and nuzzles between her shoulders

---

obsetress: been having so many becca feelings in our rewatch

em: oh gosh

em: i love her she truly is a tragic character

obsetress: same

obsetress: i just want her to live happily ever after in her lil power lesbian outfits with her lil power lesbian wife

obsetress: like she needs someone who can MATCH her

obsetress: her energy and her intensity and her passion

obsetress: and like she and jamie can push each other to be better but jamie’s just kinda like “lemme chill n do my gay little tasks” yknow

em: ya and like they Worked but they worked Much better as friends than anything romantic

em: jamies the lesbian best friend that’s like girl. stop settling for mediocre men with accents

obsetress: yeah!

em: jamie ‘how soon is too soon to ask out my good friend rebecca jessel after her v messy break up w peter quint’ taylor

em: and then rebecca ends up being the one like ‘have you ever thought about us?’ while jamies agonising over it like four months later

em: rebeccas a little go getter and jamie needs a little bit of a shove sometimes

obsetress: jamie, surrounded by three shovers,

obsetress: rebecca says it so casually over dinner like she’s talking about the weather and jamie’s like !?

obsetress: i can also see like

obsetress: rebecca says that bit about "have you ever thought about us" at dinner and jamie blanches and second guesses everything they do "is....... is this a date" becca just shrugs "do you want it to be?"

em: jamies motormouthing like ok but i cannot stress enough that i was comforting you about ur break up in a friend way no ulterior motives way i am ur friend first and foremost and rebecca just like

em: lets her get it out of her system

em: ‘well what about my ulterior motives’

obsetress: she WOULD

obsetress: "did you ever consider that maybe i had ulterior motives"

em: jamie: (pursing her lips, furrowing her brow that way she does) you had a messy break up with peter quint….. to seduce me.

em: rebecca: mmhmm

obsetress: jamie: me?

obsetress: rebecca: well, maybe a couple of reasons, but... yeah. you were up there

---

em: after i asked out [ex] i spent ages agonising over when it would be appropriate to kiss her (i know...) and then one night at a party she’s like ‘so why haven’t u kissed me yet?’ and i’m like are u fucken. mate it takes two to tango

obsetress: oh my god?

em: drawing from that

em: jamie thinks they’re taking it slow (but not that slow) and rebecca is like girl what

em: ‘i never took you for old fashioned’

‘wot, me?’

'mmhm’

‘old fashioned?!’

‘well, you haven’t kissed me yet-‘

‘you haven't kissed me! i figured you wanted to take it slow after p-‘ and then rebecca like full on dips jamie and kisses her

em: rebeccas like always wanted to do that at least once lol

em: jamie is speechless for a couple minutes

obsetress: rEBECCA

---

obsetress: thinking thoughts rebecca jamie same height but rebecca heels

obsetress: jamie looking up @ her all

obsetress: rebecca in her heels and is chilly and jamie getting up onto her tip toes to wrap her big coat around rebecca's shoulders

em: softtt

[mourningmaybells]

Valid, Morally Gray and Evil Fear Avatars Ranked

1. Jon. Obviously. Love that he becomes more empathetic the more his humanity slips away. He’s trying not to be evil and I respect that wholeheartedly. Even though he went on a revenge quest. Points get taken off whenever the other avatars harm him. .

2. Gerry. I love that he survived a hostile and abusive mother and tried to help people, ignoring the path he could’ve easily taken. Iconically beat up Avatar of the whore Jurgen Leitner while saving the world. One of the only avatars to have good chemistry with Jon and the only one to tell him What The Fuck Is Going On. Still had a sense of humor after being trapped in that death book. Nothing but respect for this goth.

.

3. Ok I know what you’re going to say, but look. Gertrude did what she had to do. Still don’t know why she bound Gerry though. That was horrible. Still cool how she’s the 16th fear.

.

4. Oliver is just vibin’. Literally stole someone’s identity to get a good night’s sleep and ended up murdering people, which is fair. He really tried to help people with his powers until he realized the inevitable. He’s done evil things BUT he did wake Jon from his coma,  and caused Martin to have that iconic rant about him.

.

5. I really wish I could put Helen as the second most valid avatar, but she kills people for sacrifice and tried to hurt Jon in season 5. I have to stick to my rules. Love that she became an unlikely ally, love that her confusing transformation kinda mirrored Jon’s. I wish they delved into her side of things. That would have been interesting. I love that she literally powered her way through the corridors and replaced Michael. She’s legitimately funny and cute. Plus she knew about Jon and Martin, and never used Martin’s love for Jon or Jon’s love for Martin against them like some other avatars. Not only that, but she was completely supportive of their relationship. She’s helped the Mag Gang more than once, which is extremely valid. Also wlw love her.

.

6. Agnes couldn’t control her powers and was groomed since childhood to hurt people, but even then she saved that one guy from the web when she was just a kid. Also implied to have killed abusive dad Raymond Fielding. Apocalypse messiah really loved that she could order coffee, even though she never drank it. I have no idea what her personality really is, but at some point she realized she didn’t want her destiny and felt trapped and that’s enough for me to like her. Don’t know how she really felt about Jack, but I like that she had the foresight to ask the cult not to harm him. Also wlw love her.

.

7. Michael’s very chaotic and fucks with people. But unlike Helen, he’s a lot more antagonizing with his jokes. He did help the Mag Gang discover the worm’s weakness though. Also he got used by Gertrude, which sucks. BUT he knew Sasha died and didn’t tell anyone. You don’t disrespect Sasha like that. Also he stabbed Jon. Also he trapped Tim and Martin in the tunnels for weeks. Also he tried to kill Jon. 

.

8. Simon Fairchild’s funny. He threatened Martin though. And again, kills people to sacrifice to his god. +1 valid points for making fun of Peter Lukas. -1 valid points for still making bets with Peter Lukas.

.

9. Manuela sounds like a hot, horror-themed James Bond villain, making her valid despite everything sorry I don’t make the rules.

.

10. Jared is the line between valid and not valid because he MAY be a homophobic bully/murderer, but he’s also funny. That bone thief just took odd jobs and fed a mouth hole even though he was fear-god-atheist. He made fun of the Harbinger of the Apocalypse, then asked him to talk about gardening tips. Hilarious.

[nicoscowboyhat]

PJO/HoO/ToA characters as things me and/or my friends have said

a lot of these are discord messages bc we haven't seen each other in person in a while :( some of the ones at the end are from a notebook i had though where i would write down the funny shit we would say. came in handy lmao

-

Clarisse: i would've been a heavyweight for a cheerleader and thrown some hoes

-

Arrow of Dodona: Thou side bitches art foul for i despise thy hairstyle

-

Octavian: i love how i'm just automatically the misogynist

-

Percy: hey guys i can make my dick invisible

Jason: NO FUCKING WAY

-

Nico: ill fucking kill you. squash you like bug

-

Leo: piper wants a smoothie. a smoothie i shall make

-

Lester: hey besties pro tip: don't make brownies in the microwave

-

Annabeth: ayo ive got like. reverse appendicitis rn tell me some comforting shit 🔫🔫

Percy: you're sec c, don't die

Annabeth: ty

-

Percy: aw shitttt almond butter and jelly on da everything bagel

-

Leo: Vigarous gay sex

Jason: Vigorous is spelled with an O.

Piper: sexo gay vigoroso

-

Meg: don't worry

Lester: i will worry if i so please

-

Will: but i don't think you can kill monkeys

Nico: you can but they put up a pretty good fight

Will:

Nico: oh you mean like legally

-

Ethan: my power went out while i was sleeping

Luke: lmao loser

-

[the gang is arguing about some guy eating white chicken. like literally snow white. not boiled, WHITE]

Clarisse: well the whole point is that it's not raw and the man took a bite and it wasn't

Silena: he died later that week clarisse

-

Percy: foo fighters in algebra what will happen next

-

Octavian: dick an d balls

Reyna: No politics in chat plz!

-

Luke: submerges into the spin cycle

-

Luke: god

Ethan: is always watching

Luke: hope he didn't see me push that elderly woman down the stairs

Ethan: definitely did

Luke: shit

-

Grover: fuck school i just wanna play animal crossing 😡😡 enough of this "physical education" shit i am planting tulips 😡😡😡

-

Connor: i'm going to throw up into someone's mouth like a bird

Travis: as you should king

-

Harley: [holding out a decapitated rubber chicken filled with grape juice] would you like a drink from the chicken chalice?

-

[everyone's name was changed in a discord server]

Nico: why is my name spaghetti i just realized this

Hazel: we're all sketti here

Nico: ah

Nico: i thought it was so you knew who to kill when the italian genocide came around

-

Leo: penis

Piper: sometimes

-

Jason: i have chronic cool guy syndrome

Frank: is it contagious? i'm feeling a cough

-

Reyna: just heard octavian speak day ruined

-

Will: CISHET MAN ALERT 🤢🤢

-

Percy: bro what if we went to japan

Grover: AHAH I WAS EATING CHEESEBALLS WHATS THE CONTEXT??

-

Jason: how's octavian been doing? has he gotten worse?

Reyna: he's pretty much the same. considering driving a semi truck into his house.

-

Percy: yo did u do work?

Annabeth: no but thank u for asking

-

Luke: pillage an empire to assert dominance

-

Nico: Noose?

Will: Nooses are not very hot nico

-

Will: thor got that gay little bridge

-

Annabeth: i'm gonna put my alphabet soup in numerical order

-

Leo: pog to your mother

-

Will: [sends a drawing he made of jar jar binks with kylo ren's outfit + lightsaber that says "meesa finish what youssa started"]

Everyone:

Will: react

Will: react to jar jar

-

Luke: you ever just,,, eat someone on accident

-

Jason: yo gamma your fam still vibin?

Jason, 2 seconds later: that felt gay to type

-

Thalia: crimbo this year is gonna be litty titties

-

Thalia, 12 am on christmas day: merry shitscream my dudes

-

Nico, 10 years old: i have question

Nico: please

Nico: bro

Nico: q,ueshtun

Nico: kweshtin

Nico: i've just one

Nico: query

Nico: pleabse

-

Clarisse: you sound like gay cat in the hat

-

Kayla: BIG BOYS BIG STEPS

-

Meg: words are for CHUMPS

-

Luke: i'm laughing because i ran over a cat yesterday and i can't stop thinking about it

-

Nico: yo titties are gross

-

Frank: please don't spoil cinderella

Leo: she loses her slipper

Frank: does she ever get it back???!?

-

Piper: [surfer voice] fudgecakes, dude

-

Will: i watched star wars in the bathroom... probably tmi but i don't care

-

Coach Hedge: you're trash. i will run you over

-

Lester: please stop singing miss mary mack!

Meg: i hope you get dragged my miss mary mack.

-

Percy: [singing] i wanna be the mayonnaise to your bologna, wanna be the cheese to your macaroni

-

Octavian: i'm above everyone! except, um... triangles. they scare me

-

Luke: my mom asked me what i wanted for dinner and i said "chinese food" and she said "how about olive garden" i said "MAY i SAID CHINESE FOOD"

-

Nico: my mom died [default dance]

-

Connor: the thing is, i didn't ask.

Travis: damn bro that really hurt my feelings

Connor: i'm sorry bro i didn't mean to hurt your feelings

Travis: it's ok i lied

Connor: that's ok i did too

-

Reyna: [clone high JFK voice] bitches be like "i'm the shit" nah you ain't even the fart

-

Lavinia: me having a stroke after inhaling caffeine like it's a tuesday

-

Leo: damn girl, you shit with that ass?

-

Austin: i'm about to eat a rock. hungry like gertie

-

Nico: who is sports? i've never heard of them

Lester: i think it's a band

[incorrectdmp]

Tag Guide

i have finally updated this tag guide are yall proud of me.

General tags:

#quote / incorrect quotes: wowee it’s incorrect quotes its what this blog is for

#meme: it’s memes babey

#dmp/discord murder party: pretty much everything is tagged with this. this is less for blog navigation and more if anyone wants to search dmp on tumblr

#chaos van: sometimes! this blog ISN’T DMP actually!!! once chaos van starts or gets closer to starting i’m probably gonna rebrand this blog to be incorrect chaos van, but for now everything in this tag is Charlie/CG dynamics, and anything that hypothetically fits into the post-canon storyline! shevanigans ensue

#submission: submit stuff! either you or me will tag it as this!

#out of context spoilers: I do these whenever a new episode drops. dont click them if you dont want spoilers for the latest episode

#personal favourite: the best of the best babey. these are my personal favs, i tag em as such for easy access for anyone who wants the funniest content and also find some that are prime content to draw. yes i spell favourite correctly dont @ me

#working week / #camp streamix: sometimes i do quotes with these official aus. go wild. 

Character Tags:

#Murder God: I’ve fixed up the MG tag system because this bitch has 3000 names and we’re going with 3 of em depending on the point in the timeline. #murder god for anything from the in-show timeline, seasons 1-4. #charlie for anything specifically post when she takes on her new name in s4, but the MG tag is there for consistency. #cassie howards SPECIFICALLY for human MG and nothing else. all side b quotes with her fall under this. she changes so drastically as a person and so strongly doesn’t associate herself with cassie howards anymore that i believe it’s only fair to keep these tags entirely separate. 

#Doctor McGillicutty: hwat hwat science man but actually he’s super sad wowee 

#Vincent Reid: gun man take me by the hand lead to to the land mr team dad

#Grace Garden: gosh golly gee grace garden! you’ve sure got a tumblr tag!

#Tommy Gwendolyn: haha cancer arms gamer boy 

#Percy Blackwood: he was told to be there or be square and chose square c:

#Christine Forks: momther ;A;

#Juniper / Juniper NLN /  Junior :  okAY I THINK THIS IS MY FINAL SET OF TAGS FOR THIS FUCKER im gonna openly weep bro is perceiving me dont look at meeeee >:( (i love juniper)

#Valencia Lynch: she’s just vibin’ :)

#Thorin Blue: no longer baby, wants power

#Yugo Hernandez: i went to edit these tag descriptions and realized i forgot to unkill yugo. uhhhh insert crimes’ “i never kill characters” statement here. 

#Hailey Huang: TRANS RIGHTS POWER LESBIAN HELL YEAHHHH

#Ezra Crane: big man on caaaaaampus

#Stephen Cutter: pleasant ste :)

i dont have that many quotes for the other cutt men but they were more important to the plot than i originally anticipated so i’m putting them on here

#Guy le Cutaux: the moral of discord murder party is everyone can be redeemed, except the french

#Mr GcMillicutty: the worlds’ sexiest man but like SOMETIMES thats a joke and sometimes it’s not??? how can this man radiate vibes ranging from utterly rancid to weirdly hot to strangely adorable? 

#Chaos God / Ozolthog: the perfectly engineered concoction of tumblr sexyman (alastor), tumblr sexyman (spamton), and Your One Weird Uncle ™ combined with deep moral complexities, in which on this blog of maximum shitposting, the latter tends to be ignored. (both tags will be used for DMP quotes! just ozolthog will be used for chaos van!)

#Cernos / Kadath / Her /  Ælethias / Baku: i really need more black star quotes but like. theyre here, theyre queer, they fill me with much fear 

#Side B (also tagged with individual characters): side b gang gang pls submit more quotes for them i want content

#Zephirah: i had zephi on this blog mostly as a non canon joke but hey she’s actually a chaos van character uhhhh insert v-word joke here

There MAY be quotes on here with masks/minor characters/ reflections. i’m not sure i’ve tagged them all but if youre curious for content specific to one very particular character just search, i can’t guarantee i tagged it though

Fun tags!:

these tags are fun reoccurring trends in my blog, so if you wanna look for a specific kind of thing i tend to post a lot, here’s the tags i currently use:

#modern day adventures: sometimes the awakened from the past learn about modern day stuff. shenanigan ensue

#THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING: valencia and grace certainly have a dynamic. that dynamic is absolute petty hatred of each other. i love it.

#SHUT UP PERCY: this is mostly in a loving way but percy is a fucking dumbass and also is relentlessly bullied a lot

#shipping: perlencia, valezra, murder god and like. five other people. you want shipping content, it’s here!

#orange crayon: juniper and grace just bein’ buds. grace doesnt understand metaphors, and thus, the orange crayon

#group chat au: this is kind of more of a blanket for any quote that includes the awakened texting / mentioning them using phones because canonically they dont have access to that but the dmp twitters exist as well as the group chat au made on the fanserver

#let the child say fuck: thorin should not be allowed to do many of the things they are allowed to do. this makes for peak comedy

#i’ve connected the dots you didn’t connect shit: grace cannot interact with the cutt clan to save her life. makes for great comedy though.

#not quite incorrect: stuff that’s either ungodly in character or stuff that pretty much verbatim happened in canon 

#Requote: I’ve had this blog since like S2. Sometimes I just wanna redo old quotes with new, updated dynamics okay? CONTENT IS HARD

[fluffyglass]

THE MR. RUDE APOLOGISM MASTERPOST

you may be asking "Oh dear god what has Finn gotten up to this time?" well, that my friend, is a very valid question! The answer to which is as follows: He's rewatched every single TMMS segment with Mr. Rude in it to prove that he's done nothing wrong!

After many many hours of rewatching, I've come to some conclusions on the depressed tomato man. I'll give a quick rundown here, then throw my episode by episode analysis under the cut.

Season 1

Mr. Rude is in 30 episodes in Season 1.

In only 3 of these episodes does he do anything wrong.

In 4 of the episodes where he's innocent, Mr. Fussy yells at him for no reason.

Season 2

Mr. Rude is in 30 episodes in Season 2.

In only 6 of these episodes does he do anything wrong.

In 1 of the episodes where he's innocent, as well as one where he did do something wrong, Mr. Fussy yells at him for no reason.

Conclusions

In total, Mr. Rude only actually did anything wrong in 9 out of the 60 segments he's in, which is 15%. That's less than a quarter of the time. Even counting the three episodes I was unsure about, that's only 12/60. 20%. Still less than a quarter.

Why have I been bringing up Mr. Fussy? Because this experience genuinely made me not like him anymore. In only one out of Mr. Fussy's 7 appearances with Mr. Rude does he not yell at him, and in five of the times he does - it was completely unjustified.

Now, onto the episode by episode section!

Ah, you wanna see my episode by episode analysis? Well, I'll give you a quick color legend first.

Yellow - Mr. Rude does nothing wrong

Red - Mr. Rude does something wrong

Blue - Mr. Fussy yells at Mr. Rude for no reason

Pink - I have no idea what to put for this one lmao

Also, there's a ton of cursing in here because I wrote these notes as I went along and I don't feel like editing them to be more professional. You get what you get when it comes to Mr. Rude apologism.

SEASON 1

Flying - He does nothing wrong, he just asked Mr. Grumpy to do his fucking job. Though, I will admit, he was a dick about it.

Music - He does nothing wrong, Miss Naughty is a fucking bitch and Mr. Fussy targeted him for no got damn reason even though he has fucking ears and should have heard Miss Naughty going off on her fucking cymbals. Miss Naughty also tried to poison him so

Farm - He does nothing wrong, those bitch ass crows broke his fucking robot I cant believe this.

Booboos - He does nothing wrong, he literally just wants some decent service while he is in the fucking hospital and Mr. Scatterbrain is a fucking moron about it

Mall - He's barely in it and I will admit he is a bit of an asshole in this one but he doesn't do anything explicitly wrong

Birthday - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to buy a birthday present for his homie Mr. Grumpy. In fact, he shows that he cares about his friend because he knows what he would want (and gets something he wouldnt like, presumably as a joke). Hes a caring friend but also a troll.

Superstore - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to return his shitty toaster. It ends up well for everyone involved :)

Books - He does nothing wrong, he is literally just neurodivergent and cannot read social situations

Camping - He does nothing wrong, he tried to warn everyone that they were going the wrong way, and then called out Miss Whoops on her fucking bullshit and putting everyone in danger. He then proceeded to fucking die. Miss Daredevil doesnt even give a shit about two of the raft riders fucking dying what the fuck.

Paint - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to finish his painting commission.

Jobs - This is the one I time I'll admit he does something really wrong. He commits multiple driving related crimes, as well as throwing his sandwich at Mr. Quiet, splashing Mr. Nosey and Mr. Small, and taking advantage of Mr. Scatterbrain's stupidity. He also crumpled up Mr. Scatterbrain's drawing of a hamster.

Trains - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Fussy's a bitch ass motherfucker, and he did more good than bad because he rescued Mr. Messy at the end.

Fair - He does nothing wrong, he got a fucking pie yeeted at him of course he wouldn't like it. He does put the pie in Mr. Scatterbrain's face though but he already got it in his face so it's just even now. He then proceeds to be pelted with pies. But thankfully it seems like they're both having fun by the end.

Movies - Yeah he's a bit of an asshole in this one. He puts too much cheese on Mr. Happy's nachos (and then throws them at him). He does get his karma though cause he gets fucking trapped in the popcorn machine someone please save him oh my god.

Dance - He does nothing wrong, he just has taste.

Inventions - He does nothing wrong, Miss Chatterbox just doesnt like him for the way he is which is super fucked up of her. What the fuck, man. He accepts Miss Chatterbox's invention regardless. He then proceeds to be abused by everyone around him. Hes totally justified in being mean at the end.

Amusement Park - Okay yeah he was an asshole in this one, cause he was rude to Miss Calamity about her supposed grooming habits. However, he was also abused a lot during multiple of the bumpers, which I guess counts as karma.

Adventure - He literally doesnt even do anything in this one

Rainy Day - Dude, his entire fucking family died. Give him a break.

Games - He did nothing wrong, he won the fucking game but Mr. Scatterbrain took the credit what the fuck he only had 3 POINTS MR RUDE HAD 4 MR. HAPPY YOU DUMB YELLOW FUCK LEARN HOW TO COUNT

Restaurants - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Fussy is so fucking mean to him I will never get over this he deserves so much better what the fuck

Cars - he's just vibin man

Canned Goods - He does nothing wrong, he just ate some beans man

Collecting - he's barely in it and just kinda vibes

Full Moon - He does nothing wrong, he legit just got kidnapped by some fucking aliens with his alien husband

Heatwave - He does nothing wrong, 6 gay men just casually committed acts of Home Invasion and are going to be arrested for their crimes against him.

Sleep - He does nothing wrong, and I doubt anyone would have even noticed he was asleep if Miss Chatterbox kept her fucking mouth shut. He cant control what hes doing if hes fucking asleep. Even after all that he still clapped for Mr. Fussy, who hates him, at the end. What a champ.

Carwash - He does nothing wrong, Miss Calamity technically fucking kidnapped him what the fuck.

Lawns - He does nothing wrong, he didn't want to take his lawn to begin with and then got his lawn ruined for literally no reason, even after warning Me. Nosey and Mr. Small that their invention was gonna explode. He even gave Miss Chatterbox the joy in knowing she "won".

Parade - He does nothing wrong, he legit just made a float and Mr. Fussy fucking bullied him for it. What the fuck.

SEASON 2

Clean Teeth - Yeah hes a bitch in this one but Mr. Fussy was also a bitch so it evens out.

Airports - He does nothing wrong, he just wanted to go on his flight. Of anything, Miss Scary was more rude than he was.

Game Shows - He does nothing wrong like. Genuinely nothing, and then gets physically assaulted.

Hats - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Grumpy's just a fucking bitch and took credit for both his and Mr. Tickles hats. What the fuck, man.

Robots - He does nothing wrong, he legit just got his baguette burnt wtf

Up and Down - He's fine for the first bit but I will admit hes an asshole in the second one

Gifts - He does nothing wrong, he's just trying to keep Mr. Tickle from fucking assaulting people. Then his entire store is destroyed for no reason.

Sun and Moon - He does nothing wrong, he barely did anything at all

Telephone - I refused to watch this one I just know hes a bitch in it

Washing and Drying - He does nothing wrong, he just wanted his laundry done and he got assaulted at the end. Why is this a trend.

Fruit - He stole Miss Sunshines fucking fruit and then proceeded to endanger everyone around him by driving recklessly. What the fuck, man.

Radio - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Scatterbrain is just a moron, and Miss Whoops is a dumbass.

Supermarket - ???

Cinema - He doesn't do anything wrong, and he looks very nice in his new hat.

Post Office - He doesn't do anything wrong, hes trying his best okay (he also gets covered in stamps at the end)

Pets - He doesn't do anything wrong, he doesn't do anything at all

Dance Dance Dance - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Fussy's a fucking bitch

Trees - He doesn't do anything wrong, someone free him

Library - He didnt even do anything man

Pirates - He doesn't do anything wrong, in fact he is the first to jump in and protect his crewmates from the aliens. He also saves the entire space crew in the end.

Trains and Planes - He doesn't do anything wrong, he barely does anything to begin with

Out to Sea - He doesn't do anything wrong, it makes sense for him to act in his own self interest because he was stuck on a deserted island with those three morons for 30 fucking days. He didn't intend to take the boat, because the tide rolled him out. He is now inevitably going to die.

Next Door - Yeah hes a bitch in this one, but he didnt deserve to get his fucking car crushed.

Lunch - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn drew first blood.

Machines - This is a weird one. Is he really in the wrong for wanting to go home? I mean, it's safe to assume Miss Giggles is fucking dead if she was taken by a dinosaur. He even vows not to doubt Miss Daredevil at the end and is happy to see Miss Giggles okay

Fairies and Gnomes - even though he thinks it's silly that Mr. Nervous is scared of a garden gnome, he still "arrests" it to make him happy :)

Home Improvement - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn is just a moron.

Birds - He doesn't do anything wrong, he was even nice enough to invite Mr. Nervous along for the birdwatching trip. He's totally justified in not giving a shit about Mr. Fussy because Mr. Fussy has been nothing bit horrible to him the entire show.

Parks - He does nothing wrong he just wanted a burger

Surprises - Refused to watch this one again, I just know hes a bitch

Wow, that's a lot. Anyways, as a proud Mr. Rude apologist, I conclude that he's an innocent man and doesn't deserve the shit he gets. I can get taking his drivers license though that man cannot drive for the life of him