#He's competent in his own way just a nervous insecure old man that loves using anger to hide everythingggg

[huldrabitch]

I've read through all the chemist/matheo fics on ao3. Wtf am I gonna have to write??

[writingbygenesis]

Wybie Lovat as a boyfriend/general headcanons: 

First things first, Wybie is a weird boyfriend, with weird interests 

But trust me, he’s lovely

He's very independent, sometimes more so than you would wish 

He is just good at keeping himself entertained so to speak

He absolutely hates to be bored, so he's become very good at staying busy over the years of his life 

He fills his life with photography, always heading out into the woods when he's bored to take some photos 

He loves taking candids of you, and he has a secret folder of all the photos he's taken of you over the months and years you've been together 

He doesn't show you for a longgggg time, but you speculate he safe keeps them somewhere, because you know he’d never delete the pictures of you 

He also really enjoys dirt biking, and heads out to do that as well at the first sight of boredom

He doesn't enjoy competition though, he's never been a very fiery competitor, so he only does dirt biking recreationally and will actually get slightly pissed off if you encourage him to apply to some local competitions, even if you think your being helpful

He claims that competing takes the fun out of everything, but it's really because he feels overwhelmed when faced with really any kind of performance pressure and doesn’t like being ranked 

He actually is like never on his phone, which is quite frustrating, but despite how many apps there are dedicated to distracting and entertaining the youth, Wybie just isnt really interested in them 

Plus, his grandma is not from the same generation as him, so she is literally never using a phone or any device like it, so she's never texting him to check up on him or anything of the sort

Because of this, he in turn just sort of forgets that there are people who actually would like to hear from him over text or call….

This is what I mean when I say he’s independent 

It's not that he's trying to be such a loner necessarily, it's just that in the combined storm of him always needing to be out and doing something so he won't be bored, AND the fact he’s not checking his phone a lot, for you as his girlfriend, sometimes he can seem really distant or like you never know what he’s up to because he’s just not checking in with you

However, when you bring this frustration up to him, he instantly feels horrible

You explain to him how you feel, and he is incredibly receptive and understanding. He lets you talk uninterrupted while he just nods and intently listens with guilt in his puppy dog eyes

He just really didn't even consider the possibility that it was making you nervous or insecure and whatnot

Now, he invites you with him everywhere

Any stupid little plans he has for the day or after school/work, he’s always invites you without fail

Normally, he’s usually doing the same things as always. It's always either photography, insect hunting, dirt biking, or just exploring with his cat

By the way, the cat’s (HIS cat’s) name is a vintage name you’d probably hear in a seniors home

Something like Vernon or Osmond 

Something very old school/old man, but Wybie thinks that just suits his cat

Wybie just in general is a very mellow guy

He doesn't really get worked up about much

He prefers doing his own thing most of the time, but his love language is quality time, so please, you don't have to leave, like ever

He's perfectly happy having you around,,, all the time actually!

He loves just talking, he can talk to you about anything and everything

You guys jump between topics, explore different perspectives, say random thoughts that come to mind…. Really, anything and everything. He loves conversating

He loves insects, and always insists on preserving their “lives”  

This stems from his love of slugs, which eventually grows as he gets older, and a real passion for insects develops

His grandma got him an insect exhibition kit when he was 14, and he became obsessed with it, going out of his way to collect “exotic” bugs 

In school, Wybie is a back of the class dweller, who does NOT pay attention

He always chooses seats at the very back of the class, in the corner and next to the window if he can

So he can look outside while he doesn’t pay attention

He also looks at you…. Teehee

Like a lot

The way your hair falls softly against your back, how you sit in your chair, what people talk to you… what people are also looking at you 

He's a real quiet observer, especially in school, he notices a lot about people naturally

His grandma used to really get on him about his grades, but as she got older and her health began dwindling more and more she just stopped paying all that attention to him

I headcanon that she develops dementia :(

He has distant relatives that thought of putting her in an elderly home, but then that would mean Wybie would need another family member to take care of him and take him in… and they lived far away and had families of their own, so they opted to just afford a nurse to look after Lucille (his grandma) until Wybie graduates and can be on his own, which isn't that far away really so it works out  ..

Because of that, Wybie has a lot of freedom, especially with school

There's no one hounding him about grades, or grounding him if he skipped school 

So he doesn't really care at all about his school performance 

Except for science 

He LOVES science and very much pays attention and loves natural science units 

Of course eventually teachers and principles will chat with him about needing to elevate his grades when he becomes and junior and a senior in highschool, and only when they lay out the fact that colleges won’t accept grades like his does he then start paying attention and trying in school 

Anyways…. 

He loves foggy weather 

He loves a good hot shower, especially in the winter months, he’s the type to scorch his skin off 

He cracks his knuckles really loud, it's just a little habit 

He loves the october and november months, he finds its the best season for photography

He draws on his hands all the time, especially in class

He’ll draw the bones of his hands and fingers, mimicking the skeleton gloves he has

Wybie thinks its a cool idea to one day get that same skeleton design tattooed on his hands, he just vibes with how it looks 

He’ll draw them on you too, if your sitting next to him 

He’s an Aquarius sun, born on February 18th

His moon is Scorpio, and his rising is Gemini

[pies-writes-and-more]

AVENGERS M A S T E R L I S T

**SERIES**

Falling Masterlist Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Collaboration with @wxstedhexrt​ // poetry focused fics! // TW: anxious thoughts, disassociation experiences and others so please read the warnings in each part! Based on poems written by the incredible Destiny of @wxstedhexrt! Bucky Barnes is falling in so many different kinds of ways - he’s falling in and out of his brain, in and out of reality, in and out of nightmares... and falling in love? Maybe this is the one he doesn’t want to fall out of.

Mr. Steve ( part 1 // part 2 ) Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Soulmate AU In a universe where your soulmate’s name is written on your wrist after you meet them, receiving a wedding invitation from her friend is just another reminder that (Y/N) has yet to find her soulmate. But maybe this wedding will be a little bit more exciting, with the help of a tiny child without a filter.

can’t take my mind off of you, Mr. Steve Rogers ( part 1 // part 2 // part 3 ) - COMPLETED Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Steve Rogers and (Y/N) used to date. Emphasis on the used to. But when an important date from their relationship comes up, it stirs up some emotions too. As if to add to the fire, (Y/N) bumps into an old friend who suggests that maybe Steve’s feelings towards (Y/N) aren’t quite gone. And even though it’s hard to admit, especially because she has a new boyfriend, maybe (Y/N)’s feelings aren’t gone either.

Must’ve Been the Wind ( part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 ) - COMPLETED Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Song Inspo: Must’ve Been the Wind by Alec Benjamin // requested TW: mentions of abusive relationship that (Y/N) is involved in, not too graphic in my opinion but please be wary reading if it may trigger something for you.  The girl in the apartment above Bucky’s seems to be in some sort of distress, though she insists that Bucky’s just hearing things. The two bond quickly and soon enough, Bucky wants to rescue her from a situation that she insists isn’t there. Is he just hearing the wind? Or is it a cry for help?

Unlovable ( part 1 // part 2 // part 3 ) - COMPLETED Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader There’s one other person besides Steve that makes Bucky feel comfortable in the era he’s not supposed to be in. She makes him feel safe, never pushes him to do anything, and that smile always makes his stomach flip. But a situation without clear communication leaves both Bucky and (Y/N) unsure of if the other feels the same about them.

**Domestic/Homely!Steve Collection ( Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader ) :

Home  After months without hearing from his wife and daughter, Steve just wants to be home. He doesn’t care if he could be hurt from his fights, he just wants to see his little girl and the woman he loves. (The beginning of my Homely!Steve Collection!)

Grocery Shopping Steve wants to help out any way he can at home since he’s gone so often. But grocery shopping without a list can be a little stressful, especially with a little mischievous girl.

A Kid’s Imagination When (Y/N) goes to pick up Sarah from school, she’s met with an odd response from the teacher about an announcement Sarah made to her classmates. Rather than talk to Steve about it, she decides to have a little fun with it.

Santa Claus Steve’s back from a long mission and all he wants to do is be with his wife and little girl. Thankfully, they’re not too far from home… and Steve has the perfect Christmas plan to surprise them.

kidnapped.... or pretzels? Steve wakes up in the dead of night to find an empty bed beside him. His mind immediately goes to the worst case scenario as to what could’ve happened to the love of his life, (Y/N). 

Dance Recitals If there's one thing that Steve Rogers loves, it's watching his little girl learn how to dance. So he goes out of his way to make sure he doesn't miss too many of her practices. Now, he has to find out how to not miss her first dance recital...

** Stay tuned for more! Send in a request if you think of some cute Dad!Steve Rogers prompts!!**

**ONE SHOTS**

Dinner and a Show Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // done for a writing challenge // prompt: “This is one of those moments when I tell you something isn’t a good idea and you ignore me, isn’t it?” The one where Steve impulsively insists on proving that Y/N’s date for the evening is trash instead of figuring out his feelings for her, meanwhile, Bucky learns that food is way overpriced lol

accidentally ruining relationships Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader  Y/N spends the evening desperately looking for answers about her love life with her close friend, Bucky. Maybe the reason her relationships aren’t working out is because her heart belongs to another. 

A French Kiss Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Alternative Universe Fic // based on a tweet Y/N came to Paris with a plan: take a photo with a cute man next to the Eiffel Tower, just like how her and cheating ex-boyfriend had always planned on doing, and make that son of a bitch jealous. Thankfully, there’s a super cute blond guy who just so happens to be nearby.

Makeshift Thanksgiving Dinner+ Steve Rogers x Fem!EastAsian!Reader Steve Rogers is beyond nervous to finally be meeting his girlfriend's parents. Especially when it's a meeting for Thanksgiving dinner... though (Y/N) neglects to mention until they're almost there that her east asian family doesn't usually have a typical 'American' Thanksgiving dinner... (Super fluffy I promise :))

Take a Hint Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader (Y/N) literally just wants to go out and have a good time with her girls. So why do guys seem to never take ‘no’ for an answer? To try to prevent more annoying encounters with men who can’t take a hint, (Y/N) slips on two rings onto her left hand and assumes the married life. It’s all well and good... until someone sees the rings as a challenge. Enter from stage right, our hero.

boardroom fantasies NSFW, 18+ only, S M U T // Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // done for a prompt challenge // prompt: “You wanna have sex….here? Now?” Steve can’t help how tight his pants get when (Y/N) is working nearby. While everyone else goes out for drinks, he pulls her aside to show her that the Accounting Guy who keeps asking her out isn’t who she should be with.

Holiday Kiss Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Christmas fic Bucky is a little tired of Christmas traditions for the day but with (Y/N) around, there’s just one more tradition he’d like to give a try. 

Anxiety Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // TW: lots of anxious thoughts based on my own so be careful if this is a trigger for you! Today’s the day Steve comes back from a mission and (Y/N) is beyond excited to see him. But when you have a little Anxiety monster whispering believable nonsense in your ear, it’s hard to get out of your head.

5 ways Steve Rogers says I Love You (and 1 way he doesn’t) Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // sad ending so if you don’t wanna be sad, don’t read the last bit lol Steve Rogers loves you and here’s just a collection of ways he shows it. But not everything has a happy ending.

Healthy Competition Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Sam Wilson x Fem!Reader // SURPRISE PAIRING // requested It’s not every day that the boys are all infatuated with the same human being. So when they realize they’re all falling head over heels for one girl, Steve insists some ground rules need to be laid out. Little do they know, there’s one person already that (Y/N) is swooning over.

home is a person Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Post inspo: “Someone asked me to describe home and I started talking about your hair colour and the sound of your voice and the taste of your lips and how your skin feels like. Until I realized they had expected to hear a place.” When asked what home was like in a conversation about their past lives, Bucky Barnes immediately thinks of something other than his 1940s home. He thinks of her.

The Waitress Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // done for a writing challenge // song prompt: “If things get worse, will you still be here?” 405 by This Wild Life Steve Rogers has finally worked up the guts to ask out the super cute waitress at the diner he frequents… except it’s hard to ask out of a girl when you’re a) already super nervous, b) unsure if it’s rude to ask her out, and c) when you have Dumb and Dumber insisting they tag along.

Fate’s Ribbon Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Soulmate AU Fate ties a ribbon to every baby that’s born. It’s black to everyone else but your soulmate, who sees it as bright red. Bucky Barnes doesn’t want a soulmate, especially after becoming a completely different person than he was in the 40s. But you can’t run away from what Fate has planned for you.

Happy Moments Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // prompt list // requested Prompts: a perfectly brewed cup of tea and dust floating in golden sunlight Steve Rogers has a few happy moments stored in his brain for when times got tough. He thinks about each of them and how they’re each a part of him. But in this moment, this place, he was happiest.

Probability Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Steve Rogers is an insecure little bum sometimes. But he’s 75% sure that the girl of his dreams shares his affections… okay 70%…. maybe less….

Fate’s Sense of Humour Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Soulmate AU Everyone is born with a soulmark, generally a signature or some sort of mark to define who this person was. And when you meet your soulmate, your mark gets darker and darker. Everyone is born with this. Except Steve Rogers. He had practically given up on finding someone to be with without a soulmark, until he wakes up from the ice to find a faded grey signature on his arm.

Jealous (Strong) Steve Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // requested Steve Rogers, the man behind the shield, knows that his strength only came from an injection. He isn’t a Norse god, how could he compete against Thor who seems to have all of (Y/N)’s affections? Steve Rogers is a jealous man. A strong jealous man who just keeps breaking things.

Studying Anatomy Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // requested Steve loves his girlfriend very much, so when she practically begs for him to help her study for her anatomy test, how can he say no?

Young But Sure Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // requested Sometimes people have different wants for their future. Sometimes their future includes a pet, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes people want to live in the country, and some just want to live in the middle of the city. Steve Rogers wants kids… and he assumed that his girlfriend did too.

Nosebleeds Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader A Stark Industries tradition was that every year, interns, agents, admins, and all the Avengers were asked to join in on a volleyball tournament. And every year (Y/N)’s team wins. She expected to have some fierce competition from the Captain’s team… she expected wrong.

Coming Home Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader No matter how long he was gone, (Y/N) always slept on the couch when Steve was away on missions so she could be the first thing he saw when he came back. Steve is happy to be home with the girl he loves.

Kiss (* Endgame Spoilers *) Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader He just looked so hot, the fire in his eyes, ready to fight. (Y/N) just can’t help herself, she just needs a kiss before they go off to their potential deaths.

Blue Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Steve in blue is too much to handle whilst sober, (Y/N) decides. So while attending Tony Stark’s birthday party, (Y/N) doesn’t stop to drink her anxiety away making for entertaining company for Steve.

Pizza and the Medical Student Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // College Roommates AU // requested (Y/N) just wants to study for her final. Steve wants to keep her happy. Bucky wants them to just admit their goddamn feelings for each other already.

**Super Cringy-ish Older Fics I Wrote that I Don’t Have Good Summaries For**

[chibivesicle]

Some thoughts on Koito Otonoshin‘s possible character development.

I’m here stuck on my couch, I’ve almost been through an entire box of tissues and my cat is sleeping on me b/c he thinks me being sick is like winning the owner lotto since I’ve been home with him for the past three days.  I might as well do something, so here is my first attempt at some character analysis on Koito.

I was re-reading some parts of the manga to answer a question and something stuck in my brain about Koito so here is my attempt (in my snot filled state) to try to determine what will happen with Koito.

When Sugimoto’s group was on the navy vessel to Karafuto, he was talking with Admiral Koito about his son.  He felt that as a junior officer he needed this experience to learn how to lead men in the future and that he shouldn’t protect his own child from danger when the sons of commoners had no choice but to put their children in danger.  This conversation implies that even if Koito doesn’t realize it, his father has set a goal or outcome for him from the Karafuto expedition.  That goal is to learn to be an effective leader and this is a good goal for him to have.

I’ve noticed that Koito is a touchy subject in the fandom so I will try to tackle this the best way I can. 

Koito has proven himself to be a capable man when following orders; he’s skilled at pursuit of individuals as shown by him catching up to the lightening bandit and the circus acrobat.  He’s skilled with his sabre as shown through his fight with Sugimoto on the airship and when he cuts off O-Gin’s head to save Tsurumi.  He also uses a rifle when the 7th attacks Abashiri, even though he didn’t do anything special, it was implied that he performed within the expectations of Tsurumi.  So we know that Koito has skills but what he lacks is maturity.

This totally makes sense, he’s young.  After chatting with @goldenkamuyhunting it would seem he’d be between 21-23 years old and he likely hasn’t been out of the officers academy for long and we know joined the 27th after the end of the war.  I think back to when I was finishing university, there was a level of immaturity that myself and my peers had b/c we had just finished our education and it was time to move onto the next step.  You have all of this education but you haven’t applied it in the real world and being in a formal education setting is not the real world.

My read is that Koito’s immaturity is also linked to being insecure and ultimately lacking confidence in himself. This comes out in a few ways; he can be exceptionally petty or jealous, he was upset that Usami tattooed Tsurumi’s ink on his face, he chased after the photos of Tsurumi that Tsukishima planted, he’s been fighting with Sugimoto almost the entire time on Karafuto while screaming for Tsukishima’s help in non-military situations.  I feel that unlike Hanazawa, Koito’s father was a bit more flexible in how he raised his son and he had to likely bend when it was evident that he couldn’t join the navy since the poor guy lacks “sea legs”.  As much as he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps it was physically impossible.  So he joined the army clearly with his father’s support, but there is likely some guilt in the back of Koito’s mind that he couldn’t be like his father and he is likely putting a lot of pressure on himself.  He not only wants to do well in the army but since he’s not in the navy he’ll have to be 10x more awesome in the army to make up for it and show that a navy kid can cut it in the army. 

Whenever he’s stressed or nervous or upset his Satsuma accent comes out and no one can understand him which likely implies he misses or wants to be in a familiar environment.  Where would he have learned his regional accent? From his father but he can’t be with his father and he likely knows of people like the Hanazawas and wanted to be like them but couldn’t. 

In the Karafuto arc, Koito is very far from his comfort zone.  He relies of Tsukishima and thinks that he is close with him, which it true to an extent but he’s wearing down Tsukishima at an alarming rate and needs to be more considerate of him. But since he’s a superior it makes it hard for the two of them to have a conversation and Tsukishima is already pretty snarky with him and he doesn’t seem to understand the snark is about all he can do to get his point across.  It is clear he had no connection with Tanigaki despite traveling with him and he clearly hates Sugimoto’s guts (just like Ogata - hrm).  He has no connection to Asirpa like Sugimoto and Tanigaki so really he’s likely unsure why he’s stuck on this mission.

To an extent, his over the top behaviour is played for laughs and this is more memorable to the reader but he’s been doing a lot of subtle things which should be appreciated.   The other character that he is most similar to is Shirashi who has been bitten on the head by countless animals and is the target of every single dick joke, but is also a very capable man when need be.

Since getting to Karafuto, Koito has on occasion been incredibly quick witted and this should not be forgotten!

When the group first meets Enonoka, she’s speaking a weird mix of Japanese and Karafuto Ainu as shown here.

A lot of the stuff she’s saying is unclear to them yet Koito is able to fill in with more than enough detail; he determined that she feel off the sled, that her grandfather has poor hearing and she’s going through the woods.  Tanigaki is in the same panel but doesn’t even make an attempt to state what she’s saying and he lived with Huci in the kotan for months!

He then negotiates with Enonoka as the translator for her grandfather to hire their dogs for transport.

Now we could label Koito as lazy by wanting to use the dogsled vs walking but the man has a point, they are pursuing other people and they aren’t going to catch up as effectively unless they hire a more local guide.  Plus, they are in pursuit of someone, you won’t catch up to them on foot when Kiro has been using dogsled and reindeer for transport.

I also like that once they complete the negotiations that he shakes her hand when they reach an agreement.  What does this remind me of - when Sugimoto first met Asirpa.  Koito is treating a young Ainu girl with respect in the process of a business transaction.  So here he is illustrating that when professionalism is warranted he can get the job done.

Another instance where he’s keen observation skills come into play in the Russian lighthouse keepers place.  He immediately notices the portrait of their missing daughter, Svetlana here.

This then spurs their discussion to learn more about the background to how commoners on the island felt towards the Russian military and government.  That is a fine detail an he noticed it before anyone else.

As I stated before he has no link to Asirpa, but it appears that he could form a friendship with Enonoka who may be like Asirpa for him.

Here on the dogsled he’s holding her in place behind her grandfather.

He’s got her snugly in place by holding onto her grandfather so there is no way she’ll fall off of that sled.

Also when their group hears the explosions at the Akou prison he’s grouped with her and her grandfather here.

I’m hoping that he’ll have to protect them during their travels and learn how to work with others in a less self-centered way.  Koito is a very skilled and competent individual, but he’s got to learn to adapt to unfamiliar situations to become the type of leader that he could be. I want him to become more caring and compassionate towards others and I think helping Enonoka will be a nice way to achieve that.  Yes, by becoming a good leader his father will be proud of him, Tsurumi will praise him but more importantly, he will be able to be confident in his own abilities and not panic or ask for assistance unless it is actually needed. 

Koito gets a lot of tough love, and I myself at times are like “grow up” but we as readers have to remind ourselves that all of these characters are pretty spot on in regards to how they behave like real people of certain ages and backgrounds.  In the end I’m rooting for Koito to learn how to become truly independent and lead people for his future career as well as become more understanding of those who did not have all of the benefits and advantages that he had while growing up.

[whatwashernameagain]

I’m dying to be with you - Chapter 7

Warnings: Hypochondria, insecurity, talk about spiders

Masterpost

____________________________

Virgil allowed himself only a moment to contemplate whether it was a good idea to sneak into a patient’s room late at night. He did not want to disturb Patton, but he knew he was often awake at night and appreciated the distractions and he really needed to talk to a friend, he was freaking out here.

Of course, the fact that the object of his anxiety and anticipation was very loudly snoring in the same room was not helpful at all! For such an elegant and handsome man, he sure snored like an old trucker. It soothed Virgil somewhat to see some sides of the man he could be playfully annoyed about instead of becoming more intimidated by him and what he contemplated doing.

Dating.

He contemplated dating the man.

He groaned, pulling at his hair. He did not date, he did not go out with men and made himself vulnerable to them, he had put those rules in place for a good reason! But he could not ignore his attraction, or his affection any longer. He liked Roman. He wanted to spend time with him and argue about his annoying habits and banter and discuss the books they both enjoyed and he wanted him to kiss his knuckles and smile at him in the morning and he wanted to soothe that fear that always left the writer a nervous, irritating mess. He finally wanted to be there for him. And he could not do that from the other side of a door. Steeling himself, he quietly knocked and eased the door open.

Patton stilled his quiet pacing and frowned at the door. Had doctor Sanders come back? He had hoped he was feeling better. His heart skipped a beat as his kiddo peeked into the room. Just the person he had wanted to see! He really wanted to talk to someone who knew the gentle doctor, and Roman unfortunately did not count in this case. The poor thing really needed the rest after his exciting day. But why was Virgil here, his shift was long over!

“Um, hey Pat, can I talk to you?” He mumbled, nervously glancing at the bed Roman had just rolled over in with a grunt.

“Of course!” Patton squealed, sliding over on socked feet to hug his distressed kiddo. Had his squeal not woken Roman, his misjudgment of the speed and distance that made him crash into Virgil’s arms with an ‘oof’ would have certainly done the trick.

The author shot upright with an almost indistinguishable “Whassit?!”, pillow creases marking one cheek and usually luxurious locks standing up on one side. He blinked at them owlishly. “Aryuhurt?” He mumbled, concern seeping into his slurred speech as he rubbed his eyes.

Virgil melted a little. Patton a lot.

“Awwww it’s all good, Princey, we were just having a chat! Sorry to wake you.” He cooed lovingly.

“Oh. About what? Do you need me to-”

“NO!” Virgil interrupted vehemently. Anxiety flooded his nerves. He felt too shaken by the recent realization to have Roman here and be disheveled and caring. He needed to go!

“You need to leave! L- Sanders is in the mess at the corner booth, go! Sit with him!” He ordered. In his stress, he had almost slipped and called Logan by his first-name. No one did around Patton, since they all knew he harbored the romantic notion that he would wear the man down and get him to tell him himself in a show of trust or something ridiculous like that. It was eerie how Patton had all of them in the palm of his hand. Anyway, Logan was probably there right now. It was where he went to think at night. Had he gone home, his phone would have already gone off with worried messages about how he was not home yet. Such a mom. Clearly, it made perfect sense to make them keep each other company. Roman just did not know that. He looked quite taken aback and a little hurt.

Virgil hated when he looked hurt.

“I – sorry, I don’t mean I don’t want you here – I don’t! But- we need to talk! About – uh-” He broke off abruptly as the caring writer approached him and took a calming hold of his upper arms, only minimally grimacing at the material that had probably been worn by other nurses in the past.

“It’s fine. I’ll leave. But, if there is anything I can do, anything at all, let me know, alright?” He offered gently, his green eyes earnest.

Virgil swallowed hard, a flush climbing to his cheeks that was hopefully hidden by the darkened room. This was why he instantly hissed and growled at the man. If he couldn’t, he became a tongue tied mess. Nervously, he reached up quite automatically and twisted his hair back.

The author’s eyes were drawn to the movement, like they always were, he realized. They were very soft. Only this time, Virgil was very aware of his attention. Awkwardly, he snatched his hand away, twisting it into the fabric of his scrubs.

Oh no.

Roman had noticed.

His eyes widened as he put two and two together. Virgil had figured it out! He released the nurse’s arms, stepping back hastily. Oh god, he would surely kick him where it hurt! How could he have been such an idiot, writing him into his book in such an obvious way instead of owning up to his feelings, and with such a plump metaphor too! Portraying him as a trans-girl? How could he have chosen such a blunt picture for the subtle nuances he had noticed in his character? The way his eyes softened when he observed a cute, older couple together? The way he had seen him expertly braid the hair of a young girl in his care until she felt pretty and was distracted from her troubles? The way he admiringly brushed his nimble fingers over the soft fabrics Patton wore so well or how he curled into his arms, needing to be held. Those things did not make him any less of a man, he had not wanted to give that impression! Just like a male body and the need to uphold a tough, fearless exterior had not made his fictional character any less of a girl. Still, men did not like being compared to women as a compliment, even to a strong one, stupid!

He lowered his head, cheeks burning and ready to accept Virgil’s well known rants, as the young man hesitantly stepped closer.

“Hey, it’s okay! I just – I need to talk to Patton, okay? Please?” He asked softly, pleading with him to respect the boundaries he was setting. Roman nodded.

This was better than what he could have hoped for. They would probably discuss how to let him down gently while they banished him into the filthy cafeteria where all the patients had touched everything with unwashed hands, rude! But Virgil’s friend would be there, and Roman would use that. Virgil’s uncharacteristic gentleness gave him a flicker of hope, a flame of determination. Before he could turn him down, Roman would give this relationship one last try. He would be brave and honest and open this time instead of hiding behind his illness and annoying the lovely nurse, like the knight he wished he could be. Deep down, he knew he was more mouse than man, he could not even delude himself enough to make his literary alter-ego the hero. That was Virgil’s role. Yet this time, he would be brave enough to make himself vulnerable and give them one last try.

Fueled by the courage his mission gave him, he grabbed shoes, jacket, phone, face-mask, rubber gloves and disinfecting spray (the barest minimum required for a trip outside) and valiantly ventured into the hospital.

“He sure is dramatic.” Virgil mumbled as Roman strutted out of the room like a peacock on a mission.

***

Roman shifted his grip on the paper wrapped stems once again. They were sweaty. He should have kept his gloves on, this was gross! But who wanted to accept flowers from a man essentially dressed for a surgery?! He really was doing his best, but his resources were sadly limited! He glared at the unrepentant doctor to make sure he was reminded of the fact that his misery was entirely his fault! SO uncooperative, what sort of villain stood in the way of true love?!

Admittedly, he had been rather attentive and willing to listen – after he had established that he had only the best interest of the temperamental nurse on mind! Jeez, who knew they lived together and the stiff doctor could become so protective? Secretly, he was glad to hear the young man had managed to let someone in though. Logan really was a sweet man when you looked past all the regrettable stiffness and the overall lack of charisma. He had no idea what Patton saw in him – aside from the tall, handsome built, the elegant hands, the general competence, the free and easily available healthcare and the adorable attentiveness and badly hidden urge to take care of people. The man probably adopted filthy strays from the streets when no one was looking. Ew! Yet, he supposed he could live with allowing Logan into his life. And no, he had no qualms about pestering him for his first-name and using it continuously despite the resigned glare. He wouldn’t tell Patton of course, that little angel was scary when he did not get what he wanted.

The doctor had declined accompanying him upstairs, looking so flustered that Roman had almost thrown caution in the wind and hugged the cardiologist. Almost. He was not suicidal, the man could have been elbows-deep in somebody’s torso a while ago. He did wonder what had happened though and vowed to find out from Patton – the flirty little minx was sure to know, and help as much as he could.

Now, however, he had to survive the greatest challenge of his young life – asking Virgil on a data without directing his attention away from his earnest affection with his complaints or starting to bicker with this beautiful, exasperating creature. Those tactics to protect himself had no place in this scenario. Steeling himself, he knocked.

Patton opened the door and beamed as he saw him, bless his sweet soul. “It’s for you!” He chirped over his shoulder, before he stood on his little tiptoes and kissed Roman’s cheek. Then he was gone, skipping down the corridor and cheerfully greeting nurse Tabia who had just arrived for the day shift. Had they really talked for such a long time?

He was pulled from his thoughts quite abruptly by the sight he had been hoping for. It made dread and warmth uncurl in his chest with equal fervor, making him dizzy. Virgil looked at him with wide eyes, taking in the effort he had made with his hair, the nice clothes he had fished from the hospital’s laundry service – thankfully he always kept a few sets here, and the flowers he was clutching in shaking hands. They felt woefully inadequate.

Virgil’s heart lurched at the sight of the writer standing in the doorway. Despite his clear nervousness, he looked ready to conquer the world. His shoulders were squared, his eyes determined – it was a good look on him. His obvious handsomeness make the nurse even more nervous, especially as his gaze landed on the large bouquet clutched in front of the man like a shield. How had he missed it? Oh right – Roman’s general attractiveness that habitually made his brain short-circuit.

Wait, did that mean what he thought it did?! Had Patton and he really spent all night making plans for each other, just for Roman to beat him to the punch? So all of their hard work and Patton’s attempts to talk some courage into Virgil were for naught! He was so fucking relieved. Asking someone out for the first time was an experience he had not been looking forward to at all! Also, he had secretly been dreaming about Roman doing it.

Getting up, he slowly dared to cross the room on shaking legs, trying to shallow his doubts. Patton had assured him that the book, the looks, the attention, the flirting and annoying that had been consistently going on for all the years they had been coming here, all of those were not part of an elaborate practical joke, Roman would not laugh at him. But the insecurity was hard to shake. He did not understand what the man saw in him. Where had he found the inspiration to depict him as a determined protector in his writing? He did not feel like a hero at all. Surprisingly though, the flowers helped. No one had ever given him something so beautiful in his entire life. His heart fluttered with awe.

The bouquet in his hands was created from a collection of purple, sweet smelling lilac, delicate petals of pale lavender sweet-pea blossoms, softly curved, opening buds of freesias and delicately curled pale violet roses. Virgil had to swallow around a lump in his throat. Nobody gave men like him something so – so utterly pure and gorgeous. It just did not happen in his world!

After a few, speechless moments, Virgil noticed a few loose leaves fluttering to the ground. Though beautifully put together and an absolute pleasure to admire, the flowers looked a little worse for wear. It felt fitting, considering the man who was holding them, and the fact that they were now even more interesting to the curious nurse.

“What happened to those?” he asked softly.

Roman’s tan skin flushed crimson. “Um, in my defense, it is very hard to find flowers people refrained from ruthlessly poisoning with pesticides and artificial fertilizer at this time of night. Additionally, I really wanted to make sure my first present to you would not end with a tragic accident that might hurt you.” He elaborated, looking shy.

Virgil snorted. Amused affection lightened his nerves. He felt so close to this strange man suddenly.

“How could your flowers hurt me?” He asked, his smile growing helplessly. Roman spluttered.

“Of course the flowers would not harm you, I would never choose plants that could hurt your fair skin! However, bouquets have been known to harbor terrible, well camouflaged hunters ready to bite any unsuspecting victim! Goldenrod spiders hunting on flowers and being overlooked by careless florists are a constant threat!”

Even while he was delivering his passionate speech, he realized that he had taken things too far again in his worry. Normal people did not worry about spiders in the flowers they gifted loved ones with. He had only honestly meant to protect him though. He knew his constant worry was a nuisance, but he could not help himself. His mind had gone into overdrive as he had considered all the possible risk to his lovely nurse.

Virgil did not laugh at him though, or snarl at him like he usually did. The smile lighting up his face was soft. Tentatively, he reached out for them. Barely believing his luck, Roman handed them over.

“So what did you do to them to clear them for me?” He asked as his slender fingers brushed over the petals reverently. They complimented his fair skin and purple locks perfectly. Roman required a moment to gather his scattered whits.

“Um – actually I had planned to have them put through an MRI scanner, but Logan, a.k.a. doctor donnish would not let me!” He wailed, once again enraged by the lack of effort the man invested in the care of their precious nurse.

Virgil howled with laughter, imagining the look on Logan’s face as he had been forced to argue that no – flowers did not qualify for medical imaging procedures. The petals were butter-soft under his fingertips and filled the room with an irresistible sweetness. It seemed to fill his head, make him feel luxuriously warm and sensual and desirable. It was not a feeling he was used to, despite his numerous sexual encounters.

“How’d you do it then?” He asked, casually stepping closer to the taller man. His breath hitched, making Virgil feel wanted. He liked the feeling.

“I – that is – we disassembled to bouquet and – and used properly sterilized operating equipment to – to check any possible hiding place. Which is why some of the petals might have come a tiny bit … loose.” He finished lamely, lamenting the fragility of flowers when poked with metal tweezers.

Unable to escape the hilarity of the image of a sour-faced Logan operating on some expensive weeds in the middle of the night, Virgil hid his face in the flowers and giggled. Tears were streaming down his pretty face. He felt like he could fly. Confidence like he had never felt before flooded his body. For the first time, there was no hesitation as he looked up at the gorgeous mess before him.

“Yes.” He uttered softly.

Roman’s eyes widened. “Yes – as in – yes, you will go out with me, let me court you and spend the rest of your life in my arms?” He rambled hopefully, his filter shot to hell.

Virgil snorted, his chest swelling with emotion and relief. “Let’s start with a date, okay?”

His smile felt too bright for his face, felt as bright as the perfect one Roman almost blinded him with. He wondered if this perfection could last, if they would not be bickering before their date had come to an end. He didn’t care, looked forward to it in fact. He was so close to the other man, he could see the possibility in his eyes. His dream of holding someone’s hand, of a man playing with his fingers and kissing them without making crude remarks or demanding to touch. Having tender fingers run through his hair and play with the strands, making him shiver with innocent pleasure. Having his cheeks cupped in larger hands before he was kissed like he was worth something. He wanted all of it. The shy looks, the dates, the little things he had never experienced. And eventually he wanted to climb this gorgeous man like a tree and enjoy those broad shoulders and strong arms. But there was time. For now, even if he was not innocent himself, his dreams were, and Roman looked so willing to indulge him.

A fierce protectiveness rose in the young nurse. He grabbed his hand, firm and safe. He would look after this idiot.

*****************************************************

Next Chapter

[diminuel]

Reading List: April

I missed archiving fics I read in March, but I’m back for April. Some of the fics I might have read in March. I’m still not very good at keeping track of what I read when! But the important part is that you get some fics to read! ;D

I’ve added the archive warnings in the brackets in case there were any, but didn’t include the tags. So make sure to read them.

Enjoy! ♥

bring it on home by xylodemon (2.4k)

"She ─" Sam grimaces again. "She likes tea, right?"

Dean hesitates. He pictures their old kitchen in Lawrence ─ the floral wallpaper, the walnut cabinets, the pots and pans hanging on hooks. Sheer, white curtains had hung in the windows, and Mary had left them open because she'd liked plenty of sunlight. It had smelled like coffee in the mornings. Dean had always lined his army men up on the table before eating his Cheerios.

"I don't know," he admits. "She ─ maybe."

Soft and gentle, but also slightly melancholy coda fic for 12x02

The One: Supernatural Edition by motorbike_on_the_avenue (73k)

The One is America's #1 dating show!

Twenty contestants will spend six weeks competing in tasks, to show the American public they should be picked to marry the suitor. Over the six weeks, they'll be voted down till just The One remains...

Dean Winchester is this year's suitor. A 34 year old firefighter from Kansas he isn't entirely sure why he applied to a dating show where he has to get married at the end.

Especially since he'll never have met (or seen) anything about his future lawfully wedded whatever.

But just who will be voted The One?

This is such an enjoyable fic! Dean and Cas don’t even meet each other until the very end, but the premise is so captivating and I constantly was nervous and rooting for my faves *lol*

Kitchen Overhaul by Powerfulweak (Explicit, 20k)

For Dean Winchester, his family’s bakery is his life, even if business is tanking. When his brother volunteers them for the reality show “Kitchen Overhaul”, Dean is less than enthusiastic with changing anything about his beloved bakery. He is even less enthusiastic to deal with the infamously icy host, Chef Castiel Novak.

Just like the previous fic on the list, this fic also has a TV show format as the premise of its story, but it’s more in the background. I loved this a lot! I got frustrated because of Dean, then because of Cas, but it’s all very rewarding!

Peak Homosexual by K_K_TiBal (3.7k)

You know that thing that happens where you hear something really homophobic in public so you gay it up as much as you can? This is that story.

Cute, pretend relationship fic! ♥

Neighborly Behavior by Annie D (scaramouche) (1.8k)

Cas and Dean at a neighborhood potluck, in an AU where they're both kinda assholes.

It’s hilarious and always good for a re-read!

Dean's Table by through_shadows_falling (4.9k)

On Castiel’s first day waiting tables at the Roadhouse Diner, his co-worker tells him to save a spot for Dean, a young veteran with a cane who sits in the same corner booth every day. Dean doesn’t talk, but Castiel’s charm soon works its magic until Dean reveals that he’s there to reconnect with his brother after a painful falling out. Castiel hopes Dean will succeed, even as Castiel's roommate, Sam, visits the diner one morning.

Lovely story about Cas easing Dean out of his lonely shell. And it also includes a happy reunion.

The Glen by Annie D (scaramouche) (3.2k, Explicit)

Dean's run out of excuses to not claim Cas, so he finally does. Better late than never, right?

This is actually set after a previous story, which focuses on Sam and Kevin. It might be slightly confusing without the previous part but I think still an interesting read, especially with the following part!

The Shop on the Corner by CasCase (18.6k, Mature)

Two years ago Castiel left behind his job and his past to fulfill his dream of opening a neighborhood bookshop. Now, his shop is popular and he’s finding himself fitting in with his new community. He’s perfectly happy with his quiet life among the books.

Perhaps the only thing that could make it absolutely perfect would be the attentions of Dean-the-Delivery-Guy. But, of course that means Castiel will have to work beyond his own insecurities to find a way to see the gorgeous man more than once a week.

Maybe he should stick to the books after all.

This was fun and lovely and even though there’s a bit of angst and pining involved, Dean’s gentle patience were lovely!

In Someone Else's Life by blue_morning (4.5k)

Cas never believed in love at first sight, but when he accidentally crashes a wedding trying to keep his brother out of trouble, it happens to him. Happy ending, right? Yeah, except that the man he falls for just happens to be the groom.

Light-hearted misunderstandings (mostly Gabriel’s fault) and an absolutely hilarious ending!

The Return Policy by aileenrose (12.9k, Explicit)

"Most of his visitors are academics. They come from universities all over the nation, sometimes beyond. Others write books. The man in the Reading Room today is neither. He’s a tall, irritated man with a federal badge."

The federal agent's partner is usually the one who does the research. And even though Cas doesn't think this man is a real federal agent, he's happy to help where he can.

A great read, close to canon, with lovely atmosphere!

Do You Need a Stepdad? by supernatural9917 (1.8k)

When Claire Novak tweets a picture of her dad cooking, she didn't expect to go viral, or for everyone to be quite so hot for her dad.

Based on a photo prompt: Teenager Claire posts a snarky tweet about her single dad Cas, and gets this response. She says ‘LOL no he’s gay’ so Dean tweets to ask if she needs a stepdad!

It might be short but it’s incredibly delightful! 

How to Keep Time by aileenrose (6.6k, Mature)

Dean's just beginning to learn that some times are more precious than others.

Very touching fic, featuring homeless Cas making beautiful things and Dean having to (re) learn what’s truly valuable.

The Neighboring Perspective by aileenrose (12.7k, Mature)

Dean's newly single, in a new house, and a brand-new father to boot.

Dean's also got this weird thing where some stranger is leaving baby clothes on his porch at night.

A very lovely fic with Cas breaking my heart with his softness and his sadness...! ;w;

Best You Ever Ate by darkforetold (1.7k, Explicit)

Cas sucks—under a table at Ma's Diner.

A PWP! :D

For Science by shiphitsthefan (6.1k, Explicit)

“Think of it like an experiment," says Dean. "You’re testing a hypothesis as to whether or not a desirable response can be achieved through the stimulation of the anus via the application of a willing volunteer’s muscular hydrostat.”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Are you actually trying to use the scientific method to talk me into letting you lick my asshole?”

It might sound like a cracky PWP, but it’s not! It features ace!Cas and Dean figuring out their sexual relationship. It’s sweet and funny~

Remarkable by shiphitsthefan (3.7k)

It’s only Castiel’s first day as a teacher at All City Elementary in Sioux Falls, and he’s already been warned by four teachers, the guidance counselor, the principal, and the librarian to watch out for Ben Braeden’s father. Unluckily for Castiel, Dean turns out to be just as “helpful” as everyone’s said, bringing in stacks of literature and just as many ideas for how Mr. Milton can encourage his students to be more socially conscious. Castiel dismisses him every time with hardly a second thought.

When Ben brings in his Patriot Day essay assignment, Mr. Milton can't help but change his mind.

I love how passionate and insistent Dean is about social issues. And the way the other teachers speak about Dean makes me sad, but at least Cas makes an effort and the whole fic is very sweet and uplifting!

Made Manifest by schmerzerling

Wherein Castiel defied God for Dean before Dean even knew his name.

I was craving trans!Dean fic and this was recommended to me. It’s really good, focusing on Dean up until Cas pulls him out of hell and recongizes Dean for who he is. Dean, not Deanna.

Low Battery Blues by destielonfire (4k)

Wherein a dead phone battery ruins an otherwise perfectly good and well-intended joke and causes Cas to think Dean broke up with him.

Misunderstanding with a happy ending!

Parent's Weekend by Piper_Halliwell1979 (1.7k)

Claire needs a "dad" to come meet one of her professors during Parent's Weekend at college. She can't get hold of Cas so Dean steps up to help her out. Turns out Claire wouldn't mind if she had two dads.

Dean and Cas both pretend to be Claire’s dads!

This Is Gonna Have Consequences, Kid by omgbubblesomg (Explicit, 3.6k)

Modern AU. Dean is looking for someone to spend the night and Cas is working the streets

PWP with sex worker Cas, featuring younger!Cas and older!Dean.

The Ritual by HazelDomain (Explicit, 9.6k // non-con cw)

The Winchesters were used to being outnumbered. They weren’t too worried about taking on humans, numerous though they may be. It was the ritual’s mystery guest that concerned them. 

Their intel wasn’t good. They knew the cultists needed the participation of some incredibly powerful being in order to complete the summoning. “Powerful” and “being” were both very loosely translated, as was “participation.”

I was on a hurt!Cas kick and this story has plenty of it. Cas was abducted by a cult and then found by the Winchesters once it’s been mostly completed. See the archive warnings (graphic violence and rape) and further tags!

Finding Courage by DarkHeartInTheSky (26.3k)

By allowing Lucifer to use him as a vessel, Castiel helped eliminate the Darkness and saved the World. But it may have been at the cost of Sam and Dean's friendship. Deciding he has nothing to live for without that, Castiel plans to end his life on his terms and be at peace---if only a certain ghost of an archangel would leave him alone. Meanwhile, Dean needs to learn to use his words.

A Supernatural "It"s A Wonderful Life" AU

More hurt Cas. Dean reacts very negatively once Cas is free of his possession, sending him away. As a consequence Cas tries to commit suicide and is given the chance to either die or return to life once more. It takes a while to convince him that he hasn’t lost everything. It’s sad but it has a good ending.

Specimen Two Eighty Five by HazelDomain (Explicit, 8k // non-con cw)

Prompt: Cas gets taken prisoner by the MOL or some other people. They lump angels in with all the other supernatural creatures, and believe they’re little better than animals. They keep Cas restrained and burn or tattoo warding on him. They talk about him like he can’t understand them. They strip him, examine him, make him manifest his wings. He can’t escape, and every day brings new mistreatment and misery.

Hurt!Cas and tortured Cas seems to be the theme of my reading at the end of April. What I particularly like about this is the non-linear narration!

Womb Kindred by Annie D (scaramouche) (Explicit, 33k)

It was probably too much to hope for that Castiel's once-betrothed, Dean of Winchester, never found out that they had a child together.

I adore this fic and the last chapter was recently posted. So it’s on my to re-read list! It’s got a very interesting setting and there’s constant tension between all the characters. Cas has been hurt in the past and while he is fierce in guarding Claire, there’s a sad resignation about him. And about Dean as well. They’re pretty much walking on eggshells around each other all the time and then they get flung into troubles which readjusts their relationship. While it has a good ending, it’s clear that it’s not a perfect happy ever after. 

Pining Sickness; Or, Murder With One Stone by athaclena, iraeim (Explicit, 57.8k)

New York, 1895. The rigid customs of the old century are beginning to fall away, allowing access to the professions for more people than just Omega men and Alpha women. Dean Winchester, the city’s first Alpha male Detective, uncovers evidence that a mysterious new illness killing mated couples might have its origins is the criminal rather than the medical.

Castiel Novak is a respectable Omega doctor who has started to see patients dying cruelly of something he cannot cure or even effectively treat. Approached by the Detective to once again give his medical expertise, he is eager to work towards finding a cause and, he hopes, a cure for the unfortunate sufferers. But both men harbour a secret attraction towards the other, and the quest for the truth will stretch their relationship beyond its limits.

A historical murder mystery set against a backdrop of a non-traditional Omegaverse.

I absolutely adored this fic! It’s got a historical setting and a very interesting world building which, as the summary advertises, features a non-traditional distribution of roles, with omega men at the top of society. The case itself is interesting and you just get a massive dose of pining between Dean and Cas, but it’s a quiet, resigned kind of pining, that really pulls at your heart.

Take On Me by Powerfulweak (Explicit, 46.4k)

Alpha Dean Winchester figured the closest he’d get to the apple pie life and fatherhood was a one-shot, “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” trip to a sperm bank. That is, until he comes face-to-face with the omega carrying his pup on a fateful trip to the grocery store. When the the omega runs off without a word, though, Dean learns the situation is far more complicated than he expected. Can an anonymous sperm donation and the favor of a lifetime help two complete strangers find everything their life was missing?

A fic with an unusual premise that just promises a “it’s complicated” kind of situation! There’s plenty of very intriguing angst, but there is a fluffy happy ending!

Marry Him by ProLazy (2.9k)

Jimmy is sick and asks Castiel to do him a favour. This results in Dean mistaking Cas for Jimmy and explaining that he wants to marry Cas.

A cute sort of mistaken identity fic!

Left Behind by Aini_NuFire (6.6k)

Sam and Dean saved Lucifer from Amara. They just assumed that meant they’d saved Cas too…

(Author needs to vent some angst, but there’s still a happy ending)

That last part of the summary pretty much describes this fic. It’s a gen fic, addressing the fact that Cas often gets forgotten or left behind, especially in this whole Lucifer and Chuck fiasco. ;w;

Captured by bobertsmallismydad (6.2k)

On a day when he is taking a break from Heaven Castiel is captured by the order of the Royal Court aka King "Dickbag" John Winchester. He is forced into servitude as a . . . nanny?

This has a very interesting premise! An enslaved angel having to work as a nanny? Great! Castiel is captured by king John (a douchebag) and tasked to watch over Dean, which he does, over the years. Until Dean himself becomes king.

Choice and Precious Vessels by justabrain (11.2k)

In a world where angels wear collars to suppress their powers and are subservient to humans, a young Castiel finds himself serving a family with two young boys, Sam and Dean. He soon befriends the older of the two, yet all good things must come to an end.

Another gen, Cas whump one. It’s a sad story in which angels are slaves and even though Castiel’s situation improved when he is being bought by the Winchester family, Cas still isn’t treated with dignity. And while the story promises a happy ending and it does have a happy ending, my soul wasn’t quite soothed. ;w; All the damage had been done and nobody makes reparations for it. But despite the sadness I do think it’s a great read!

the worst week of dean's life by jhoom (1.7k)

Dean’s son is driving him crazy.

Super cute, poor Dean is so frustrated because he can’t get his son to call him dada.

Moonlit Sky by hollyblue2 (1.1k)

They'd been busy on their actual anniversary, so Dean decides to make it up to Castiel.

A soft and fluffy story, good for the heart!

Dean's Carol by BurningTea (17.9k)

Dean has learned that a hunter can't have close friends or loved ones, not without being ready to lose them, so he decides it's safer for Cas not to be around.

Can the traditional visits from three ghosts change his mind?

Dean has to learn an important lesson! I love how it takes the story of the christmas carol and putting it into a canon compliant universe, where Dean is aware of what’s happening because he knows the story.

[dork-cresswell-blog]

screams i love him and rereading this app gave me so many feels i died. have at it babes.

♔ INTRODUCTION

HELLO!! I’m Snow, I’m 20 years old and I’m from the (GMT)+3 timezone. I use she/her pronouns.

♔ ACTIVITY

I’m active in one other rpg currently, and I have college to keep me a bit busy at times ( a BIT lmao) but I always make time for rp, and I can safely say I’ll be online 6-7/10 of the time.

♔ HOW DID YOU FIND US?

A whiiiiile back through the hp rp tag.

♔ HOW ARE YOU?

Nervous? And excited!! And very giddy bc i fell in love with the character I’m applying for and I can’t wait for the chance to play them in this verse ekbfuceos Ikwdcn!!!

♔ WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?:

Weirdly enough I never thought of this before, but I suppose – Neville Longbottom. Or Severus Snape. I can’t decide.

♔ ANYTHING ELSE?

nope

IN CHARACTER

 ♔ DESIRED CHARACTER

Dirk Cresswell.

♔ FACE CLAIM

My absolutely number one choice for dirk would be Ezra Miller. He just has the exact look I had envisioned for Dirk while writing him out in my head, especially in Perks – the easy-going attitude, the dramatic hand gestures, the charming smile, the confidence, and the slightest touch of flamboyance. If the admins can’t see him working, I could go for landon liboiron, who shares similar qualities with Ezra but isn’t quuuite what I’m looking for – in a pinch, Xavier Dolan could work for me, but he doesn’t have nearly enough smiley gifs tbh he needs to be less emo (still pretty tho my GOD) or nico Tortorella, who has the confidence and positivity but not, er. The gait, I suppose? I dunno, but I’m really hoping Ezra works for you guys, he’s really the best choice I could think of!! (for some reason Miles Tiller just doesn’t click?? With me?? At all??)

♔ REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I love, love, love building characters up from scratch. Writing out a character from the ground up and layering them with complexities, with virtues and vices and faults, with feelings and insecurities and demons of their own, I love it. It’s the most exciting thing I could think of, and I love writing characters with blatant, intriguing contradictions – the elegant lady with a lion’s roar, the honest man who is a hypocrite as well, the boy who both craves and hates the idea of affection, at once – I love exploring their nuances, seeing how they play out, how their traits push and pull at one another and make the character whole, alive and breathing as though they were real. I guess you could say it’s my passion. It’s also why I tend to choose characters who were barely canon, or who were ocs of the roleplay. It gives me a wonderful amount of freedom to be creative, and I like to take full advantage of that.

Dirk Cresswell strikes me as someone who is confident and arrogant and a little flamboyant, but hardly with the self-esteem to match. he’s petty and competitive and a little dramatic, but he’s also rather clever, intelligent, and competent. He is kind, and loyal, and unforgiving. Betrayal is a sin, an unforgivable sin, and yet what he does with Aversio is not betrayal to his friends – protection, justice, It Has To Be Done. He gives it a hundred names, a hundred reasons, and learns to shoulder the guilt and adjust to the weight of it and keep moving. (he is yet to forgive himself for it, but he was never deluded enough to think justice was easy to come by. If the price for their safety is to taint his relationship with them, then he is willing to pay such a price.)

(the thought occurs to him, once – would it be betrayal if he were to simply severe ties with them, if there were no friendships for him to forsake, if he were not forced into a conflict of loyalty and justice? would he have to betray his friends if they were simply no longer friends? The thought is dismissed with a wry abruptness – perhaps a braver soul than him could go through with such a thing, perhaps a better man than him would do it. Dirk is content, for now, with reminding himself of why what they’re doing is important, why Aversio is the only way.)

He is an arrogant boy with an inferiority complex. He is driven by his emotions – he loves and he loves fully, with an open heart, but he never trusts with the same ease, he was a boy who was shown love and taught not to trust it. in his veins thrums a desire for justice, for fairness, for equality, it beats and it burns like a second heart, it keeps him awake some nights and it keeps him moving. It drives him, this keen sense for right and wrong.

Dirk is not an idealist, however. He is an optimist, though his optimism is not born of naivety – it is not born of ignorance, of innocence, he knows of tragedy and he knows of prejudice and of oppression, but seeing the best in life and the best in people is what he chooses to do, what has helped him past the dreary days when he’d thought there would be no light at the end of the tunnel.

to further show how I envision him to be, I would like to expand on some of his traits:

+ TALENTED:

Dirk’s magical talents were difficult to miss, even to those who really, really tried, and it was not entirely for the considerable amount of bragging on Dirk’s part – though, arguably, that was a large part of it – but his hands, deft with potions and charms and defensive spells, where quick to catch people’s attention, and keep it. his exceptional dueling skills had not gone unnoticed, either, not by his teachers, and certainly not by his pureblooded schoolmates, who have repeatedly tested his abilities first hand.

+SOCIABLE:

Dirk is That One Kid that knows everyone, and who everyone knows. He joined every extracellular activity the school had to offer at one point or another, he never missed a chance to hang out and have fun, and he was always interested in meeting new people and making new friends. His easy humor and confident attitude drew people to him and relaxed them in his company, his optimism and cheeky remarks making him an uplifting presence to have around. He is secretive, however, keeping his emotional troubles and inner demons far away from preying eyes, even those he considers close, preferring to pull a cheery grin upon his lips than admitting to the guilt than is slowly chipping away at him from within.

-TRUST ISSUES:

Dirk has been shown love and taught not to trust it. a parting gift, from his mother, one could say. he finds difficulty – immense difficulty – in sharing his troubles, or his secrets of any kind, with anyone. he loves and he cares about his friends and there is very little he wouldn’t do for them, but trust is something that is difficult to come by, for him, and it is something that frustrates his friends to no end.

-ARROGANT:

Dirk has an exaggerated sense of his own abilities. He is talented, yes, anyone would be hard pressed to deny that, but he tends to – overestimate, what he can do. It could also be put down to his perfectionist nature, that he would bite off more than he could chew and simply expect himself to rise up to the challenge.

It is also important to note, however, that as sure as he is of his own capabilities and talents, he is never sure of himself. Of Dirk, of his own self-worth and of his own self-esteem. He is an arrogant braggart with an inferiority complex.

♔ PREFERRED SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS

SEXUALITY: gay, and not particularly interested in hiding it.

SHIPS: tbh I’m all about chemistry. I don’t particularly mind if no romantic interests cropped up along the way, i’m more interested in exploring dirk as a character first and foremost. If a romantic interest does come along I would absolutely be down to explore that as well – I would also be interested in plots that don’t necessarily end happily for either character tbh lmao angst is my natural scent like fucking slather me in it okay. (side note: I love. Unlikely pairings. Very much.)

♔ CREATE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Mockblog: dork-cresswell.tumblr.com  (I posted the kinda sorta long history/bio section in the mockblog, I hope it would be considered as part of the application as well? Thank you :) )

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

Is there, like. Is there a potion to just. Make pureblooded bigots stop being so bigoted? Or make them disappear, or something, I’m not picky.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

Sal, definitely. Did you see her swing that wretched bat of hers? You don’t want to get in the way of that, it’s absolutely sick. you’ll love it. And I suppose some food would be good, for the object, wouldn’t it.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

When to take a bloody break. I can never do that. Sal’s always breathing down my neck about it, but I can’t bloody well help it, okay? Somethings just have to get done.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

That I’m a braggart. Because I’m not, and anyone who says that is a bloody liar, okay? I just like to let people know I’m better than them. Sometimes. At some things. It’s not bragging if it’s true, is it?

(ooc: That he isn’t good enough. That he is lesser, that he is a disappointment. His perfectionist attitude is largely due to survivor’s guilt – he blames himself, in part, for what had happened to Robert, and had subconsciously spent the years following trying to make up for what he’d ‘done’, or hadn’t, as it were.)

WRITING SAMPLE

darkness. that was the first thing he was aware of. and soft covers – softer than the ones he had at his apartment. a distinct feeling of annoyance…

“–et up already!”

ah, yes. little sisters, he’s been told, were angels. it’s a good thing he doesn’t believe everything he’s told anymore. he buries his face further into the pillow, and tries not to think of why he made his way here in the middle of the night. “leave me alone.” he mutters, a little petulantly.

“dirk, it’s getting late. get up.”

“i can’t.” he groans, perhaps more wounded than he really was. “you’ll have to go on without me. i have reached the end of my tether, i can only further hold you back.”

“dirk.”

“i’ve lived a fulfilling life, i have no regrets. you have to promise me you’ll do the same.”

“dirk.”

“no.” he waves her away, burying his face further into the pillow, though that’s only to hide the growing grin upon his face. “i know it’s hard, but you can live without me, Sal, i believe in yo–” and the world flips, suddenly, upside down, light assaulting his eyes as his head hit the floor with a loud thud.

there is a moment of silence. from his place on the floor, he blinks. “why would you do that.”

“you were being dumb again.”

he sits up on his elbows, blinking up at her again. “you pushed me off the couch.” he repeats. “what kind of sister does that?”

she rolls her eyes, though there’s a hint of a smile pulling at her lips. she throws him a bottle of soda and he catches it. “go wash your face.” she says, sitting down beside him and opening a bottle of her own, evidently not expecting him to get up and go wash. “you’re gross.”

“thanks.” he deadpans, sitting up and leaning his back against the sofa. “i feel so loved.”

the room is silent, then, save for the sound of bottles clinking, the caps popped off and the bubbles hissing away. she adjusts herself for a moment, and dirk waits for the inevitable.

“well?” she asks, and she doesn’t have to add anything, she’s asked him this a hundred times: what’s going on? why did you come here in the middle of the night? why were you screaming in your sleep? why are you scared? why are you hurt? can’t you tell me, your sister, am i losing you too?

he doesn’t say anything. he never says anything. he is afraid his lips would open and his sins would all come spilling out, that he would tell her everything, everything, that she would not understand. That she would look at him and see something vile, something scary. that she would never want to look at him again. he says nothing. he can’t afford to lose her too.

“oh, i see.” she says, a lilt to her tone that would have suggested lightness, in a less dreary moment. “you can’t tell me, again.”

the air grows heavy between them, thick with secrets he can’t not keep. ‘i killed someone’, he wants to say, desperately, but doesn’t. he brings the bottle to his lips and takes a long swig instead.

he is not a murderer. he is not Dark, he is not a bad person, he is not a criminal. he knows this, he knows, and he knows they’re all just doing what has to be done, that Aversio is the only way, that fighting fire with fire is all that seems to work.

he knows this. he knows what they’re doing, and he knows why they’re doing it, and he knows why it’s important.

but some nights he needs to remember. some nights he seems to forget.

she rests her head against his shoulder, her hands wrapped around his arm. he only lasts a beat, or two, before he turns and envelopes her in his arms as well. he holds her tightly, his mouth pressed into a thin line, careful not to say a word or more would spill.

this is what he’s doing: murder.

this is why he’s doing it: she is here. she is here, and alive, and whole, and unharmed. she will stay this way, and he will make sure of it.

[lostsummerdayz]

Combo Breaker 2018: A Retrospect

Original Date: 06/02/18 Author’s Note: This was done a full week after Combo Breaker because I caught the illest post-con/post-tournament sickness and it was terrible. So worth it, but terrible. In any case, I had so much fun at Combo Breaker and even more fun recalling everything that happened. Not much to really say, I’ll let the article do the talking. This is a VERY long read. Over 2500 words to be exact.

The Combo Breaker weekend passed just as quickly as it had arrived, like a tornado hitting the Windy City. Rather, the outskirts of the Windy City, in a small suburb known as St. Charles. Regardless where it had taken place, Combo Breaker was, without a doubt, the best tournament I have ever attended. Before I go into my thoughts and retrospect, as well as my teammates thoughts, I want to give a huge shout-out to Rick for hosting such an event. I’d also like to give a shout out to the bracket runners, game leads, vendors, artists, and anyone else in charge of making sure the event ran as smoothly as possible.

That Friday morning, I woke up at 1, filled with energy uncommon for one who awakens at 1 in the morning. I would have several more hours to go until I’d leave my apartment to catch my flight at LaGuardia so I could have caught up on more sleep if I wanted to. Adrenaline said otherwise. Combo Breaker would have been my first major in which I went out of state for. As I’ve said in a previous article, my first ever major was Defend the North, but it was literally an hour away from me as far as commute goes. I didn’t stay at a hotel, I simply went back and forth from my apartment to the Crowne Plaza over there. This was a much bigger deal for me, however, as I would meet so many people I would never have had the chance to. As this would be my first Combo Breaker, I didn’t know what to expect, yet the stories I’ve heard about Combo Breaker made me excited to experience such a thing within a few hours.

Unfortunately, everything came to a halt when I arrived at O’Hare. See, I planned my original flight to arrive at 10:30 so I could catch the shuttle bus to Combo Breaker. What happened instead, was I arrived at 9:30 because I didn’t consider Central time. Central Time and Eastern Time are an hour apart, so I was a full hour ahead of the bus. Better early than late, sure, but it left me more anxious to see what Combo Breaker had to offer.

When I finally arrived at the resort, it was one of the most beautiful venues I’ve been to, just looking at it from the outside. There was as much road as far as the eyes could see, the air was humid and the temperature was warm. Entering the venue, it lived up to the name of it being a resort. Indoor pools, window-side seating to have a better view of the golf course resort, various food courts and even a mini bar. The place was very huge. Huger than I initially imagined. I eventually, after some walking, found where Combo Breaker took place and after I picked up my badge, I took in the scenery.

The quietness of the resort clashed with the absolute noisy atmosphere of the main event area. People from all over walked about, conversated with others and played games on various setups whether it was tournament matches or casuals. To the right of me was the stage where people played on the stream station. It was there I saw the Tekken area and how massive the Tekken area was. With over 488 competitors, I’d expect a large mass of people, but it almost felt overwhelming. The event space was so huge, there were crowds just as big as the Tekken crowd, in other corners of the event stage, from the anime fighters to King of Fighters to Street Fighter V. There were also vendors right by the entrance who sold arcade parts, offered arcade stick mods, merch tables, and various beta build stations for games such as Fighting Layer EX, Soul Calibur 6, and BlazBlue Cross Tag.

Across the Megacenter area, there was a small yet almost as big gaming area where there were even more casual setups, a BYOC [Bring your own console] setup, where people played all types of games, and arcade cabinets from old school games such as Tempest, to pinball machines. Smaller games like Smash and Vampire Savior were also ran here for tournaments.

It was at this moment I knew that Combo Breaker was far from just a fighting game tournament, it was a video game convention as well. This realization didn’t hit me until the final day of Combo Breaker when I met this man, Demero, from Milwaukee. He was talking to me about one of the top Street Fighter V players, Smug, who I know of due to us both being from New York. He was telling me how respectful Smug was to his kids and how kind everyone was to each other, spectators and players alike.

On a grander scope, Demero also mentioned an interest on wanting to run events like these on a smaller scale back home, so he could potentially get the troubled youth of Milwaukee off the streets. Being I’m also from New York, the same as Smug, I take for granted just how many tournaments and locals there are here. But in a place like Milwaukee, grassroots events that could be started by a man with an ambition, may very well give troubled youth an outlet to stay off the streets, out of trouble, and hold a controller instead of a weapon.

A sentiment was also shared with Markman and Tasty Steve who I had the pleasure to talk to that Friday evening. They stressed the importance of tournaments where anyone can enter, play, and overall link up with other players who share the same passion as them. It isn’t about the winning or the losing, it’s all about learning and personal growth. It’s all about finding that connection with others to not only help you get better as a player but also as a person.

Steve was more passionate in the notion of locals being a cornerstone in the FGC, as he feels without people showing up to tournaments and their local tournaments, it won’t thrive as much within the upper echelon.

Markman was also a firm believer in encouraging players who believe that they cannot keep up with the top players due to their insecurities, to come out to the event anyway. No one can get better or level up if they limit themselves from doing so. Between talking to these two gentlemen on Friday and talking to Demero on Sunday, as well as others who only attended as a spectator to soak up the atmosphere and good vibes, it made me realize that the FGC extends far beyond simply competing. It exists for the love of the community whether you play the game competitively or not.

With that outlook in mind, winning wasn’t a goal in mind anymore. It was simply a question on how much I could learn and how far can what I already know take me. When I finally met Ando that Friday, he had a similar sentiment. As in the previous article, this was our first time in entering Combo Breaker and he was just as amazed at the venue and excited to play against others as I was, including how well run it was. We took pictures with the Tekken developer, Katsuhiro Harada, and saw some of the matches of Friday’s pools, before we briefly went our separate ways. Coincidentally, later on that night, we ran into each other again as we both had the same idea to get some last-minute casuals in before our matches.

That was another beautiful thing about the venue. Since it was 24 hours, and with over two thousand entrants, there were always people who were down to play games, no matter what time it was. Ando and I stayed until a quarter to 1, playing whoever we could, but the next night I stayed up well until 3 AM. It didn’t matter the time. The event halls were just as packed as it was if you arrived at 3 PM and for good reason. Playing offline against others is a luxury, as anyone who had dealt with the dreadfulness of online could tell you.

Saturday was the big day for the both of us, as our pools began two hours from each other, with Ando’s pool starting before mine. He was relatively nervous. The shark in the pool he was most concerned with was Victim of Ritual, a well-known Nina player known for his “pitbull-like” offense. The sharks in the water for my pool, in my opinion, was Swagmaster, who was known for her Miguel, and Ace Unlimited, a known Mishima player known for his explosive playstyle. For the former, I’ve had almost no experience with Miguel, so I wouldn’t have known what to do or what to expect. Mishima characters were always characters I’ve struggled with, so the fact that a high-level player was also swimming in the waters didn’t help me much.

The main conflict for Ando was whether to choose between using Paul or Geese. Both characters he felt comfortable with, but it boiled down to which character he felt ready to use in a tournament setting. While Geese has been used more and he has had more success with him, Paul was far easier to play for him. However, since his Paul shown signs of rust due to using Geese more, it was all about weighing pros and cons.

What I felt was nervousness all around because much like he has Geese, I had Kazumi who I wasn’t confident enough to use in the tournament. But she was always an option for me. I made the mistake of second guessing myself so I stuck with who I already know. The irony in that statement, was that if I could do one thing differently, I would have played Kazumi when I was down 1.

Ando plowed through his bracket, with the most notable adversary, Fred Distance, standing in his way. A clutch rage driver from his Paul clinched a tight victory and earned him the right to grant his wish. To play Victim of Ritual. On stream.

Naturally whatever nervousness he felt only amplified, with him only telling me that he’s not going to pay attention to the crowd behind him, and only focus on the game ahead of him. With his music playing through his earphones, he fought a hard-fought battle but ultimately fell 2-0 against him. Since this was winner’s finals, he still performed well enough to make it out of first phase of pools which meant he played later on that evening.

As far as my performance, I immediately lost to a Nina who I didn’t know even existed, M A D W A K. I was disoriented, because not only was I mentally prepared even though I played more than enough casuals, but the first lost took a lot out of me to the point where I gave up the second game freely. My biggest fear was going 0-2 in the tournament altogether, and going 0-2 in the very first match and getting sent to losers was not a good outlook for me. I had to snap out of it for my first game in losers, who I defeated soundly and was enough for a confidence boost. The second and third matches, a Katarina and a King respectively, was claimed without much difficulty although both players were good.

My biggest win of the pool was a rematch against M A D W A K, in which not only I was high off adrenaline for playing three straight, but after suffering a loss on stream against Swagmaster, I was more than ready for my revenge. And revenge I got. I switched my playstyle greatly to the point where it was too overwhelming for him and defeated him soundly, 2-0, just as he had defeated me 0-2, only this time I eliminated him from the tournament altogether. My momentum was cut short as I lost my loser’s semi’s match against Cade, effectively eliminating me. I was one win away from making it out of pools. Still, I had a damn good run in losers and I couldn’t be prouder of myself in how I did being it was my first Combo Breaker. Again, my only regret was not giving Kazumi a chance. I finished 97th which out of 488 people is nothing to cry about. I know I can do better next time, however.

Ando’s first match for the second pool was against Shirdel, an Alisa player from the UK, who quickly eliminated Ando from the tournament. At first, we both did not know who Shirdel was, but after researching him, he’s a pretty dominant force in London. Ando mentioned to me that Shirdel’s Alisa was unlike any he had ever played before, so he handled the matchup in a way which he tried to adapt to his playstyle, but he couldn’t no matter how hard he fought. Later on that night, when a friend and I were at the bar talking to another UK Tekken player, we both admitted that we did not know many of UK’s players, but UK and other European Tekken players were definitely of the silent killer majority. Europe in the FGC in general is an often-overlooked continent filled with so many hidden talents that takes so many by surprise. However, Ando couldn’t be too upset in how he performed. He felt like he could have done better, but he was more focused for the future regarding CEO and learning from the other players at Combo Breaker. Still, placing 65th, just shy of top 50, despite dealing with nerves, wasn’t a bad outing for the big guy. This is a reoccurring theme, but much like how I felt I should have gone Kazumi, his regret was not going Geese and instead sticking with Paul.

Decisions like these matter more than one would think. In a massive tournament like this, all it takes is two losses for it to be all over. I didn’t want to make any risky decisions that I would regret later, so I felt choosing Kazumi in my situation vs Cade would have been too risky as I wasn’t confident in her as I was in my main, Eddy. Ando had a similar sentiment when he insisted on sticking with Paul than going to Geese.

After several nights of reflection and playing casuals against people from all over the world including GoAttack, the Korean Master Raven player who made top 8, Ando feels ready for CEO. Combo Breaker humbled him as a player in regard to not only seeing his flaws, but also not caring whether a person is younger, older, or from another country. Each player should be taken as a threat whether you know them or not and that mentality shaped him into training and preparing for CEO.

One of the things I expect Ando will do differently, aside from soaking in character knowledge, is alter his mental psyche of playing against people in tournaments. I always felt as a competitor, 90% of the gameplay comes from your mind. Your mental cognition is what makes or breaks you. Limits or excels past your limitations. While he wasn’t upset with how he performed, knowing that he could do better is what prepares him for his hopeful comeback in CEO. I honestly cannot wait for that to take place and I will be cheering him on as well as Tunk.

P.S: Jeondding we gonna cross paths again at Summer Jam guaranteed (I hope)

Original article: https://www.teamunbroken.com/combo-breaker-article