#He was mean to you wahhh wahhhhh why are they like this

[thatoneluckybee]

what the yakuza in these books have in money they lack in emotional maturity boy you are acting like a preschooler after your classmate didn't let you have the sandbox all to yourself

[malignantlamb]

Oh if you know my account I’m a little nervous now,,

My favourite colours are violet, pink, black, and forest green! (Though not all together.)

As for pets I’m pretty content with the ones I have now! Though having a black devil boa in the future is a dream.

I’m not that cool,, but thank you hehe

Alsooo my favourite number is 12!

I definitely could share some videos some time 💕….have you seen the mort from Madagascar deep dive? It lives rent free in the void where my brain should be. Though I often find myself falling down the internet worm holes😭

What’s your zodiac sign? Or do you think that astrology is mumbo jumbo? What’s your favourite weather and season?

~🍓

Uhhhhhh

Idk if i did but i love mort so freaking much hes literally me he's just a little guy thts creepy and hyperactive and gay. So real. Zomgg o-O

Also if u believe in astrology i dont wanna be mean....wahhhhh. but uhhh. Yeah astrology ppl were kind of weird abt my sign in the past eughh...but im a leo. Sigh. Whatever...

Imnabt to cry tho i feel like ur mad at me why

Ithurtssm

Anyways i loveeee springggg i loveeee falll even moreee aaaa <3333 i love halloween smmm,, i also love valentines day i wish it felt more springy when we have it....wahhh.

I love love when it rains and when its foggy,, i feel so ghostly,, its perfect bc im ghostkin :p

I love when the sky is crying along with my heart . :'))

Hbuuuu,, whats yr fav weatherrrrr and holiday >_<'

[xleafyheartx]

Garden Surprise || closed with ancientsflowergirl

@ancientsflowergirl

“Wahhhh.... is so dark inside. What humans do inside big moving metal boxes that is so interesting?” Jix mumbled to himself as he peered inside the car that had parked by the side of the road near the patch of forest Jix has recently taken up residence in. Curiosity was getting the better of him, and as he inched closer to the open driver’s side door, he knew the simply peeking inside was not going to satisfy it. So, he climbed inside, sliding down by the front seat and coming out onto the floor of the back seat. “Whoopsie,” he said, looking up. “How to get out?” Oh well, he may as well explore...

“This stuff... what is?” he asked, bending to look at the carpet. “Is moss? Mossy-moss? Fuzzy mosses?” he supposed, but as he looked at it, he realized no, it was something else. “Scratchy fuzzing stuff. Is weird to Jix.” He climbed up onto the seat, finding this material much nicer. “Ooooh...” he said, bending to run his hand over the soft, plush surface. “Soft stuff! Nice! Bouncy, too! Bounce! Bouncy-bounce! Doing the bounces! Is lots of fun!” Jix said, jumping up and down on his roots until the angle of the seat caused him to bounce at a weird angle and he was sprung into the back of the front seat, plummeting back down to the floor. “WAHHHHH! Oof! What happened? Why soft bouncy stuff was rude to Jix? Fine. Be rude. Just wanted to play. Is not a crime last time Jix asked.”

But then the car was jostled, the door slammed close and the engine roared to life. Jix froze, his tiny eyes blinking in the darkness of the underside of the back seat, and when the car began to move, he threw out his arms and roots to brace himself. “Wha...? Why is moving? Where is Jix going?” he asked, suddenly very scared. “Oh noooo...” There was a human in the front seat, and Jix didn’t know if they were friendly or not. While usually very personable, this time Jix decided to just stay quiet. If this human was a mean one, then he currently had no way of fleeing... and no mud with which to make mud ball weapons.

When the car stopped moving again, Jix wasted no time. He climbed back into the front seat, intending to jump out the door, but... the door was closed! “Oh noooooo!” he said, pushing against it. “Open! Please! Open for Jix! Have to get out! Nooo!” He looked up, however, and saw that the window was open just a little. It was enough that he could squeeze out... if he could climb up there first. “Well, well... Jix’s worst enemy. The climbs. Okay, Jix. You can do this. One root at a time.” Slowly but surely, he climbed up the side of the door to the ledge by the window and then jumped as high as he could to catch the top edge of the glass. Kicking his roots every which way, he managed to hoist himself up and over... and send himself plummeting to the ground.

“Ohhhhh...” Jix said, standing up and rubbing his butt. “Jix fell down on butt. Going to have big bruise. Ohh...” But right now, he had even bigger problems than a bruised butt. “Have to make the escapes!” he said, pumping his little roots as he ran from the car and into the grass. He didn’t stop for some time, not until he was thoroughly tired. Between his long run and the distance the car had taken him, Jix had absolutely no idea where he was. He fretted with his hands, murmured to himself, and looked around fearfully as he wandered through the grass and other plants, wondering how he was supposed to get his bearings. But then he saw the prettiest flowers, and somehow all his troubles were forgotten.

“Wahhh! Beau-ti-ful flowers! Wow!” he said, walking into the garden and looking around. He went up to some of them that were his height and sniffed them. “Awwww, smells so nice. Nice, pretty flowers. Happy flowers. Hi-hi, flowers!” he said, waving at them. “Is such a nice place. And Jix is soooooo tired. Will take nap here. Wake up feeling rested. That’s what Jix needs.” With that, he found a bare patch of ground among the flowers and dug his roots into it, settling down for a little nap and looking like the perfect miniature oak tree...

[fuck-customers]

That's Dedication Right There (aka the Most Embarrassing Thing I Ever Fell For)

Alright, so I'm not gonna lie, I have to swallow some pride down to submit this one. 

I work in a call center, inbound sales to be precise. 

We have this automatic dialer we call people on after they submit some info online. We'll pick up the phone number and call to see if we can help them...or get them into a sale. 

So this happened on Thursday, May 18, at 4:00 PM. 

The automatic dialer calls out, and...

There's this dude on the line. And he's like: 

"Uh...hey--who's this?" 

I answer with my name and the company. 

"Oh, yeah, I talked to someone about this earlier...and I meant to give y'all a call back." Not surprising, this happens all the time.

At this point the dude goes "Oh wait hold on..."

At this point, I can hear a hospital in the background. The beep of a monitor, and I can hear the dude hold on and ask someone if they wanted ice chips. 

The dude apologizes again and says that he wanted to get the matter handled before the baby, but it that CLEARLY didn't happen. He explains how it's day two of labor for them and everything.  

Okay, still sounds legit. I've had a woman on the phone with me still nesting like nobody's business while in labor. So of course, she handled business directly before--like a pro. I've gotten calls similar to this before. So I don't think anything different of it. I just try to get off the call and move on. 

But this guy still wants me to hold on, even while asking a male nurse to bring ice chips to his nauseous and laboring wife. I look at the clock--like 5 minutes have passed by at this point. 

All of the sudden, this woman...starts moaning. That moan starts slowly turning into a wail and then into a scream. This dude I'm TRYING to back out of the call with starts going, "Honey, you okay? Are you okay? Hun...oh...oh my god, roll over honey--oh mY GOD, OH THERE IT IS, OH MY GOD...DOCTOR." At this point, I'm desperately wanting to get off the call, but this dude, no. 

He starts BEGGING me to stay on the phone with him because he swears he's gonna pass out. He swears up and down he will. His wife is still screaming. He finally gets that male nurse back, and the male nurse was freaking out a bit as well. They apparently see the baby crowning, but unfortunately, they start freaking out because it's a breech baby.

The dad yells: "OH MY GOD IT HAS TWO HEADS." The nurse corrects him. 

If you're wondering what the fuck I was thinking at this point in the call, I was legitimately surprised at one thing: that I can hear everything sO DAMN WELL. IN A HOSPITAL.  Usually I have to step outside a hospital to actually get a signal. 

All I can figure is that this dude set the phone on a table right next to the bed and maybe had Verizon Wireless on a Samsung Galaxy 8. *shrugs*

So, anyways, this new dad is trying to witness this...but begs me to stay on the line again because he's either going to puke or pass out and he doesn't know which. Meanwhile, I'm like, freaking coaching the dude and I'm like, "Sir, please breathe! You got this!"

This doesn't matter because this dude starts dry-heaving... 

The wife's screams have gotten so loud that I put my phone on mute, take off my headset, and tried to flag down my supervisor. I say to the supervisor, "Hey, I think this dude's having a baby." I'm internally flipping my shit. My boss goes, "Really?"

He seems mildly interested but only because weird shit happens every day at a call center. He wouldn't be surprised. I wasn't either because I have HEARD some things.

Anyways, it climaxes and....wahhh, waaahhhh, wahhhhh. A baby. It's wonderful, they're happy, he's actively cutting the cord and then goes, "Oh!" He remembers me. He picks up the line and goes, "Hey, I'm gonna call you back later, okay?" 

I'm like, "Congratulations dude." 

And then suddenly...it goes unnaturally quiet. But I can hear the white noise in the background--the phone's still on. 

Then I hear, repeated: 

"Oh h-hey--who's this?" *pause* 

"Oh yeah, I talked to someone about this earlier..."

I realize...it's a fUCKING RECORDING. A GODDAMN FUCKING RECORDING. I lose my collective shit. I mean, that was it. I'm done. SOMEONE PRANKED US AND PRANKED US GOOD. 

I hang up the phone and go into wrap up. I flag down my supervisor. I tell him what happened, and why I wasted nearly 20 minutes on this call. 

I was SOOOOO EMBARRASSED. I was horrified I just heard everything on this call. And worst off, I was drained 2 hours into my 8 hour shift. 

I was also very PISSED and STRESSED OUT. I could've made two sales in 20 minutes-- that's easy as fuck. Instead, this dude nearly gave me a fucking heart attack AND a stroke.

But I guess what I was the most was-- IMPRESSED. I have never heard anything more believable than when I heard this little skit. If I talked, it paused believably, set everything together believably...

...the only thing that was hinky was the space the sound occupied. I don't expect everyone in the room to be that close to the phone or nearly occupy the same space. I could hear that. 

But I'm primarily embarrassed the fact that I didn't red flag it because it  was TOO CLEAR A CALL FOR A DAMN HOSPITAL. 

Tl;dr - I dial out and get pranked impressively.