#He makes we want to succumb to all insanity; let myself run wild. Makes we want to douse myself in wine and soil and blood and—

[flowersforfrancis]

Hozier shall be played at my bacchanal and any of my sacrificial rituals. That’s all.

[sincerelybluevase]

Careful, Madam Chapter Seven

A/N: Here it is, the final chapter! Thank everyone for being so patient with this one (the first chapter was published in June 2020, insane how time flies) and for the lovely comments; they mean a lot to me! For a gorgeous preview made by @thegirlisuedtobe, click here. Tagging @alice1nwond3rland, @need-not, @mlletina, @msmaryadmitrievna, @solattea, @halewynslady.

Maxim was the first to speak. “Steady, Mrs Danvers. You wouldn’t want to shoot me.”

Mrs Danvers did not waver. She held the gun steady. Not a muscle in her face moved so that she seemed hard and resolute to me, marble-made. “Let go of Mrs de Winter, sir.”

He released my arm with a theatrical motion, raising splayed hands in mock surrender.

“Come to me, Madam.”

I went so quickly I nearly stumbled. I wished to clutch her arm, to feel the reassuring solidness of her long lean limbs, but I was afraid of what might happen; I didn’t want to set off the gun by accident.

Maxim looked at us with hatred. His face had turned cold and masklike with it. “Now what?” he asked. “You’ll shoot me, Mrs Danvers?”

“I will if you force me, sir,” she said.

“And then what, Mrs Danvers? What happens then? Have you thought about that? Should you kill me, you will hang; the law won’t take pity on you for being a woman. They’ll string you up by that thin neck of yours until you are dead.”

“They won’t if they know what you are, sir.”

“And what am I?”

She glanced at me, at my reddening cheek. “A murderer and a wife-beater.”

He laughed coldly. “That’s no reason to shoot me, now is it, Mrs Danvers? I think you and I and the law can all agree on that.”

“It is if you provoked me, if you threatened your wife and unborn child, sir.”

The laughter petered out. Still he smiled, showing his sharp canines. “You’d have to aim well then, Mrs Danvers, and kill me with one shot, because if you leave me well enough to talk, you’ll be done for. Who do you think the police and lawmen will believe: me, a gentleman with an impeccable reputation, or you, a mad, old, sexually-frustrated maid with unnatural tendencies?”

I wished to speak so I could defend her, but fear held me in its grip, petrifying and silencing me.

Mrs Danvers set her jaw and tightened her grip around the gun. “I’m a good marksman, sir. If I aim to kill, I shall.”

“Perhaps,” Maxim jeered, “but are you certain? And are you absolutely certain that, even if you kill me, you won’t go to prison? They’re harsh places, prisons. Do you want to spend the rest of your life in a cold, damp room, with only a strip of sky to remind you of what lies outside?”

Still Mrs Danvers held the gun steady, her joints seemingly locked into place. “Here’s what men like you don’t understand,” she said softly, “I gave the best years of my life to your first wife; I’m willing to lay down what years remain to me for your second.”

My love for her made a pain rise in my throat. I swallowed against the tears. I looked at Maxim, thinking he would refute her or curse at her. He did no such thing. Instead, he began to yawn, making a great show of it, his mouth opened so wide I could see the fillings in his molars. When he was done, his eyes watered. He brushed the tears away with a fingertip, then turned to me. “You shall stop this nonsense right now,” he said. He spoke as if I was a naughty child.

I shook my head. I could not speak.

A vein at his temple began to throb. I could see it jump around under the skin, writhing like a worm. “Oh, but you shall. You shall stay here, with me, and we shall forget this moment of madness. Mrs Danvers shall have to go, of course, no sane man would keep a housekeeper who pulled a gun on him, but I shan’t press charges. I’ll even give her a good reference. A woman with her qualities can work for any fine family in England. But you, my little darling, shall remain here, by my side, as my wife and the mother of my children.”

“No,” I whispered.

“No? What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I don’t want to stay.”

He laughed in disbelief. “You don’t want to stay? Do you understand what you’re saying? Before you met me, you had no friends or kin, money, no prospects. You were an old lady’s plaything, her little whipping boy. I raised you up out of darkness. I gave you a name, a house, a reputation to uphold. Without me you have nothing and you are no one, just a grubby little schoolgirl with bad nails and a name no one can spell. Do you hear me? You are nothing!”

“She won’t be nothing. She’ll be my mine,” Mrs Danvers said.

With a roar, Maxim lunged at her. She pulled the trigger, but he knocked the gun out of her hand. The shot went wild, the bullet damaging one of the plaster leaves on the ceiling, causing crumbs to rain down dryly. The gun fell to the floor, skidded, came to rest not a step away from me.

Maxim punched Mrs Danvers in the face, once, twice, thrice. Her head snapped back. She staggered. Blood poured down her mouth and chin. She made a soft choking sound, coughed. Drops of blood flew from between her lips.

“Stop!” I meant to scream it, but it came out as a whisper.

Again Maxim struck her. This time she stumbled and fell, her skirts billowing around her like black sails. He bent over her and continued to beat her. His fists came down on her face and throat again and again and again, dull slaps of flesh against flesh.

“Maxim! Maxim, stop! You’ll kill her!” I screamed. The sound carried, though for all the good it did, I might well have kept my tongue; Maxim continued to brutally, systematically beat Mrs Danvers. She tried to sit up to fend him off, but he pushed her down. Again she rose, again he beat her down.

As a child, I had witnessed our cat playing with a mouse. It would let it run, only to smack it down with its paw before it could get away. The mouse didn’t stand a chance, yet it persisted hopelessly, just as Mrs Danvers would persist in trying to sit up until she could rise no more.  

There was only one thing to do. I bent down and took hold of the gun. It was still cool despite Mrs Danvers’ grip. I raised it and found it surprisingly heavy for its size; it almost slipped out of my clammy hand. With one eye closed I aimed the gun at Maxim, but I was shaking and dared not fire for fear of hurting Mrs Danvers.

I brought the gun to my temple instead. “Maxim, look at me,” I shouted. “I’ll kill myself! I’ll kill myself and your unborn child if you don’t stop!”

He looked over his shoulder. His face was spattered with blood, his lip curled into a snarl. He let go of Mrs Danvers’ dress, causing her to thud to the ground, and came to his feet. “Don’t!” he said. “Don’t you dare!” He stumbled to me, his hands outstretched to wrest the gun from me.

I pointed the gun at him, closed my eyes, and shot.

*

All of this happened many years ago. My life now is very different from the one I led at Manderley. I’ve said goodbye to England and now have no estate to call my home, no husband to lord over me. Here, my name means nothing, and my face, once plastered over every English newspaper, is just another face, easily forgotten. No one need know that I once was the second Mrs de Winter, the one who everyone knows because she killed her husband. An act in which she was justified, of course, since he had murdered his first wife and now wished to kill her, too, before putting a bullet through his own brain, but that never made the case any less sensational. Whenever I think of it – which, when I am honest, is seldom but still too often for my taste – I can’t help but smile wryly. After all, there is a cruel sort of irony to the whole affair; Maxim killed Rebecca to safeguard Manderley’s reputation, but her murder proved to be the first link in a chain of events that would lead to a nationwide scandal. If I close my eyes, I can still see the reporters pressed against the gates, pen and notepad in hand, clamouring to see me.

There are no reporters in my new life. They do not know where I am, and to the local ones I am of no interest. I live in a cool little cottage, painstakingly paid for with the money I earn with my drawing lessons; I have given away everything I inherited upon Maxim’s death, for I never desired his money even before it became tainted with murder and madness.

Every day is much the same, but that I don’t mind. There’s comfort in familiarity, safety in routine, and after all that we’ve lived through, Danny and I have a certain hankering for comfort. Besides, raising a child together provides plenty of challenges and excitement, we’ve found.

Dear Danny. She’s wonderfully patient with me. I fear I am not always easy to live with. For all my efforts, I’ve not been able to banish the past completely. It still inhabits and possesses a part of me, one that I can fight when awake but must succumb to in slumber, so that, at night, I walk the grounds of Manderley once more. In my dreams, the house and grounds have fallen victim to rot and ruin. The lawn has gone to seed, sickness has turned the chestnut tree into a bleached husk, and the rhododendrons have reared to the fantastic heights of fairy-tale briars. The house itself sags to the side, its walls pockmarked by sour rain, the windows dirty and broken.

But for all its neglect, it is not uninhabited. I do not talk of the birds and bats roosting in the rafters, nor of the mice living underneath the floorboards and the silverfish who slowly eat away the wallpaper.

The library, with its masculine smell of leather and smoke and newspaper ink, is his domain in death as it was in life. There, he paces up and down, up and down. All that pacing has worn the carpet to threads. Each night I must go to him. It does not matter that I am unwilling; my mind and feet betray me, and take me to him. He knows that I am coming and awaits me with impatience, smoking cigarettes in quick succession, littering the ground with ash and butts. His face, once so handsome in a peculiar, medieval way, is ruined by the shot that killed him. It turned his left eye to pulp and smashed the orbital bones to pieces so that the area around the eye is curiously dented.

There must have been no time for Maxim to realise my betrayal; the bullet bored itself into his brain, killing him instantly. The Maxim of my dreams, though, gives me an amused, cruel little smile. Then – just as my life has become routine, my dreams have, too, and so this next moment never varies – he opens his arms to me. I don’t want to, but I must step into his embrace. He pulls me close to him until my head rests against his chest, against the fabric of his tweed jacket turned sodden by blood and the jelly leaking from his burst eye.

“My little love,” he murmurs as he strokes my hair, his breath stinking of the grave, “you didn’t think you’d ever be free of me, now did you? I shall never let you go.”

It is then I wake, gasping and sobbing.

Danny aims to soothe me, kissing my face and folding her long arms around me. I cling to her so tightly it must hurt. She’s no longer as strong as she used to be. No one would be after what Maxim did to her. He damaged her left eye to the point of blindness. During the years, it has turned milky white. She has taken to wearing a velvet eyepatch over it to keep out the light, for even the flame of a candle upon her left eye can trigger a mighty headache. Even covered up it pains her, but she never complains.

She holds me well after the shaking has subsided, kissing my hair. I kiss her throat in return, her chin, her cool sweet mouth. I always hesitate when I reach the scars Maxim left on her face. He embossed her cheek with his signet ring, the M and W intertwined. Yet whenever I hesitate, she brings her mouth to my ear. “No need to be careful, Madam,” she whispers, and then I know.

I have someone in this world to call my own.

I have someone to love.

[oceanera12]

Linked Wilderness (Part 1)

More Linked Universe featuring Wild and his sister! ... Wait, what sister?

I was going to do Sky next but this idea popped into my head and I couldn’t type it fast enough. Whoops?

“Soooo...” Twilight tapped his foot impatiently, “Are we in your world or not, cub?”

Wild frowned, trying his Sheikah slate for the hundredth time. “I mean, that’s Twin Peaks and that certainly looks like my Hyrule Castle in the distance.” He slammed his hand against the tablet, “But this thing isn’t working and there should be a shrine right there,” he pointed at an empty clearing near their current stable. “Also, I don’t recognize anyone here.”

“And that’s odd because...?” Sky asked.

Wild blushed. “Well, I’m pretty sure I’ve talked to everyone in existence in my Hyrule. Usually the strangers are Yiga in disguise. But even the stable owner is different!”

“So...” Time stood up from sharpening his blade. He slung the sword on his back and then crossed his arms, “This Hyrule could be yours in the future. So... a new hero?”

Legend rolled his eyes, “Seriously? We haven’t had a new member in months!”

“But it is a possibility,” Four replied, his eyes flashing violet for a second. “Maybe we should talk to someone?”

Wild hesitated. “Stables have people that come and go. The owner might have sold the place to another person. Not to mention that many people are coming back to Hyrule because the Calamity is gone. Let’s head to Hateno. It’s only half a day from here. We can figure it out from there.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Wild was very confused. On one hand, this was very much his Hyrule. On the other, there were too many differences to ignore.

The ruins looked “newer”, there were less travelers (and those that were traveling were very suspicious of the nine-band group), it felt like there were more enemies, and there were guardians.

Full-working guardians that wanted nothing more than to kill Wild again.

He really hated guardians.

Therefore the alleged “half-day” turned into a full day, with the battered and beaten group grumbling up to Hateno. No serious injuries (Four had most likely broken his ankle) but a night of rest sounded much too nice after the insanity of the day.

A blonde woman stood guard at the foot of town. Wild frowned at the sight of her. He did not recognize her. She wore a light pink tunic, tied with a turquoise sash. There was some old knight armor on her right arm and a light chainmail skirt that went to her knees. Under the mail, she wore simple trousers and boots. A sword was strapped to her side, along with a quiver and bow on her back.

The blonde watched the group approach, clearly on guard. “Halt and state your business!” She called out when they reached a respectful distance.

Wild stepped forward, “We’re looking for a place to rest.” He was not sure if he should bring up the fact that he owned a house in the village. He was not even sure if the house would be his, at this point.

The girl’s eyes widened at Wild. Her mouth dropped open and the color drained from her skin. Her drawn sword dropped every so slightly. She did not speak for a moment, only gaping is shock. 

Wild shifted uncomfortably. “Uh... are you alright, miss?”

Her expression turned hard, her next words a hiss. “How dare you.”

Wild flinched, despite himself. Something inside his gut twisted into tight knots. He didn’t like the girl upset. He wanted her to smile. His words were stuck in his throat and when he opened his mouth, nothing came out.

The girl brandished her sword at the group, her intentions very clear. “Leave now and I’ll grant you your lives you filthy traitors!”

Time put out his hands in surrender. “We’re not here to fight, nor do we wish you harm. But we have injured and need--”

“We don’t help Yiga here,” the girl hissed, her sword raising again. “Go back to your filth.”

Wild’s brain was too confused to make sense of what was happening.

Twilight stepped forward, “We’re no Yiga.” His gaze was suspicious. “Although, I’m beginning to suspect you are.”

The girl physically recoiled at the accusation. “I’m not the one with a fake hero!”

Legend and Twilight both growled in anger at that comment, the latter stepping in front of Wild in a protective matter. Several of the other Links came to the immediate defense of Wild, and at least one of them drew a sword.

“Link has given more--”

“--you little--”

“--dare you insinuate something so--”

“Wild is a good man!”

The girl was practically radiating anger now, her sword replaced with a bow at the blink of the eye. She roared, “MY BROTHER IS DEAD!” then loosed a warning shot that missed Hyrule by an inch. “NOW LEAVE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND!”

Wild’s scrambling mind came to a screeching halt at that.

Brother?

The rest of the group had a similar reaction, with most of them stepping back a few paces. Wind looked like he had been slapped, “You never said you had a sister!”

Wild’s head was starting to hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut and heard his current sword slam into the ground. “I... I don’t...” His hands came up and grasped his hair, “I don’t... I don’t... I don’t.” The headache suddenly spiked into a piercing flare. He dropped to his knees and actually screamed at the white, hot, dagger that was attempting to cut through the memory fog.

Someone was talking but all Wild could see was white and pain. This wasn’t right. Nothing was right. What in Hylia’s name was happening to him?

The last thing he remembered before succumbing to the white was a very soft voice.

“Big brother?”

--------------------------------------------------------

It took much too long to get Wild inside his house.

Wind was helping the injured Four hobble across the wooden bridge to the very familiar house in Hateno... only this one did not have a sign that labeled the owner. In fact, this one had a horse in the stables.

Said horse cried out at the sight of the unconscious Wild. She trotted forward and blocked the path, licking and nuzzling his face in concern.

The sister hadn’t said a word since the gates, but she did so now. “Epona, dear, we need to get him inside.”

Wind suspected he wasn’t the only one who’s eyebrows shot up at that name, but no one said anything about it.

Epona nuzzled Wild one more time before trotting back her food.

“Good girl,” the sister smiled. She opened the front door. “Lay him near the fireplace. I’ll start up a fire.”

--------------------------------------------------------

It took time to explain the group to Wild’s sister. She hadn’t interrupted once during the tale, nor had she stopped dabbing Wild’s forehead with a wet cloth. Time took point on the story, with people chiming in when they thought it important. Twilight explained what he knew about Wild’s adventure, including the amnesia thing.

The sister had taken it all in, in silence. When the tale finally ended, she remained silent for a long time. Gentle hands traced the scars on Wild’s face, tears filling her eyes. “So... my brother is somewhere in a cave right now on the Great Plateau... asleep?”

Time hesitated for a moment, cursing whoever made the portals and Hylia who had dropped them in Wild’s world. They had just gone back about a hundred years. It explained the increased Guardian activity, the lack of Shekiah technology, and, of course, the long forgotten sister. “I would assume so, miss. Yes.”

She closed her eyes and breathed out slowly. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks and a few broken sobs broke free.

Wind stood up and pulled the girl into a hug. She buried her face in his tunic and cried. The rest of the group quietly tended to Four’s leg and let her mourn.

The sobs slowed and she gently pulled back from Wind, a soft smile on her face. “Thank you... um...”

“Wind,” the boy smiled back. “I have a little sister too.”

“Oh!” the girl leaped to her feet. “Where are my manners, you all must be hungry! And I haven’t even introduced myself or asked for your names or--” she cut herself off, blushing furiously. “I’m Rhea**.”

The Links introduced themselves while Rhea started on dinner. Good cooking skills appeared to run in the family because Rhea’s stew smelled heavenly. Legend commented on this and Rhea smiled. “Mother taught Link, who then taught me.” Her smiled died a little. “I’m glad to hear he remembers some things...”

“What was Wild like? As a child?” Warriors leaned forward, eager.

Rhea thought for a moment. “Well... he’s always been a bit wild.” She laughed, “Did you know he was appointed as the princess’s knight because he deflected a laser from a runaway guardian with a pot lid?”

Twilight coughed up his stew. “He what???”

“It’s true!” Rhea laughed. “Link has always had an affinity for turning cooking tools into weapons.”

“Oh Hylia,” Legend groaned into his hands. “Please tell me the ladle thing hasn’t always been around?”

“It’s one of my first memories,” Rhea giggled. “Big brother Link keeping a stray moblin at bay with nothing but a wooden ladle... at least until father came in with his actual sword.”

Several Links groaned in annoyance. 

Perhaps it was the familiar sound that stirred Wild. He moaned loudly, causing a hush to fall over the group. Rhea grabbed a bowl of the stew and hurried to his side.

Wild opened his eyes, blinking into the fire. He jolted back from it out of pure instinct.

Rhea did not say anything, but put a hand on his shoulder. When Wild looked at her, she smiled and then gave him the bowl of stew. He looked at it suspiciously, before taking a small sip. His eyes widened and he quickly downed the rest of it.

Rhea appeared pleased. ‘I take that you like it?’

Wild started at the sign. It took a moment for the motions to process before nodding. ‘Yes.Thank you, ma’am.’

Rhea’s smile fell.

No one knew what to say. Wild looked around “his” house, clearly confused. The table was shoved in the corner, two beds were shoved against the wall, and there was no weapon displays on the walls.

“Where are we?” he asked no one in particular.

Twilight felt a stab of sympathy for Rhea. He knew all to well the pains of a sibling not recognizing you. “Cub... there’s no easy way to say this.” He pointed at the girl. “This is Rhea. Do you recognize her?”

Wild tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, clearly concentrating. “You were the guard at the gate.”

Rhea nodded, the expression stiff.

“Good,” Twilight encouraged. “Anything else about her seem... familiar?”

Wild squinted even harder. He rubbed his temples. After a long silence he finally sighed. “No.” He looked guilty. “Should I?”

Wind jumped up, clearly angry. “She’s your little sister, Wild! How could you ever forget her?”

“Wind!” Time reprimanded.

Wild blinked, looking back at Rhea. She waved, timidly before slipping into sign. ‘They told me what happened to you. I am sorry.’

“Are... are you really my sister?”

‘Yes,’ Rhea sighed heavily. ‘Although, it has been several years since your... disappearance. I have grown since then.’ She smiled. ‘I was only this tall when you last saw me.’ She held up her hand about a foot lower then her current height. ‘I was only eight. Now I am seventeen.’

Wild scrunched up his face again. He thought and thought and thought, before sighing. “I don’t remember... I’m sorry. Truely, I am.”

‘It’s fine,’ Rhea’s smile looked forced, but she did not appear angry. ‘I’ll go get more firewood. You rest.’ Then she turned and left the house.

Wild buried his face in his hands and moaned.

Twilight quickly sat down next to him. “It is okay, Wild. It is not your fault. She does not blame you for what happened.” He glared in the direction of Wind, “You have no control over your memories.”

Wind was receiving a very harsh and very quiet reprimand from both Warriors and Time. He looked sorry and had his head down in shame. The kid really needed to learn to think before he spoke.

Twilight turned his attention back to his prodege. “Think about it this way: now you can learn things about your past that you didn’t even know. Maybe the memories will come back, maybe they won’t. But do not give up hope. Alright?”

Wild looked down at his hands. He slowly looked up to reveal the tiniest of smiles. “Alright... Her name was Rhea, right?”

“Right,” Twilight smiled. “And you taught her to be an excellent cook.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

**-Okay, so I didn’t want to go with Linkle as the name (because who names their kids Link and Linkle. Seriously?) and I thought Aryll was the generic fall back for Wild’s sister’s name (just because Link’s spirit is reborn and always named Link does not mean his sister suffers the same fate). I did look into a few fanfictions to see what they went (and didn’t like any that I found), so I looked up names that meant something to do with nature. Rhea was the Greek goddess of “the mountain wilds” and I thought it suited her well enough.

On a semi-random note: did you all know that “Zelda” is a an old German name that means “dark battle”??? At least, according to the website I was on.

Also, stayed tuned for part 2!

Also part 3...

[nocturne-inuyasha-ff]

Chapter Sixteen: On the Edge of Forever

Author's Notes: Thanks for hanging in there. Keep in mind while reading that most of the scene changes are different narrators and the narrators are not always what you would call "reliable." Meaning, that we only see what they see or hear or think, so the reader may not ever see what's really going on.

Happy reading!

Nocturne - Chapter Sixteen: On the Edge of Forever

Rated - M (for suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, and coarse language)

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru had the audacity to look confused - his one brow risen higher than the other. "This one assumed you might desire a moment to collect yourself after an arduous journey."

Kagome set her jaw, and she almost began tapping her foot in annoyance. "No, I want to see Setsuna and make certain she is well."

"The child was well when I last saw her."

"You saw her? When?" He'd made no mention of it on the trip over, which was flabbergasting to her. "Why wouldn't you tell me that?!" she demanded.

"It was unnecessary," he began before Kagome cut him off.

"Unnecessary?! You fool, it is never unnecessary to tell a mother the wellbeing of her child!" her anger seemed to be falling on deaf ears. "What if our positions had been reversed?"

"That is preposterous. I would have never allowed myself to be taken."

Kagome groaned. "No! That's not what I meant. What if something had happened to Setsuna? Would you have wanted to know?"

"It would have made no difference."

So, he didn't care. A part of Kagome was furious while the other felt numb from his admission. "I see," she responded. "Thank you for returning me home."

Kagome strode past him and out the door to begin the walk towards the village. She could only assume that Setsuna had been left in the care of her friends. So, that was now her destination.

Sesshomaru had not bothered to stop her. Whatever his intentions were with bringing her here, where everyone was not, were as mysterious as ever.

Kagome felt overcome with emotion and unsure of which one she wanted to address first, her anger, or her misery. Anger would likely fuel her longer, so she picked up that mantle until she could decompress later. She felt foolish to think that anything occurred from the point of their first joining until now would change the way the demon lord perceived her.

Sesshomaru stepped in front of her, breaking her out of her reverie. Kagome had honestly expected him to leave after dropping her off.

"Where are you going," he asked.

"What do you want from me?" she demanded.

"It would be astute for you to collect any possession you deem worthwhile," he explained.

Kagome crossed her arms. "Why would I do that?"

"It is not safe," he answered.

"Not safe?" she repeated incredulously. "And why may that be? Because I am human and incapable of protecting myself?"

His golden eyes narrowed at her, but he remained silent for the moment, knowing she likely had more to say.

"You've already killed Fan, from what else do you need to keep me safe? I haven't needed your protection before all this, and I don't need it now," she admonished.

Sesshomaru's brow piqued, "What leads you to believe that Fan Tsenpo is dead?"

"I saw you kill him," she said almost hesitantly, now beginning to doubt herself. Why was Sesshmaru stating otherwise? Her eyes had not deceived her.

"One would be a fool to kill Fan outright. His clan must be dealt with delicately. To murder one of their own in such a fashion would be considered dishonorable; and an action of the greatest offense. They would then hunt this one down without hesitation." He stated this matter-of-factly as if it were insane to suggest otherwise.

"I merely immobilized him for the time being to afford us the ability to escape."

"So...he's still…" she trailed off.

"Correct, wounded, but alive. It will likely take Fan some time to recuperate, but when he has recovered, it would be prudent to expect retaliation of some form."

"Oh, Kami." Fear enveloped her. If Fan were alive, that would mean he could come after her again, or more likely, Setsuna. Kagome shook her head, trying to shake evil images from her mind. "It was all too easy," she lamented.

"Indeed. Fan miscalculated your abilities, and I took advantage of his misconception to escape."

"So, you knew he would tell me to kill you?" she asked dubiously.

He gave her a stern look until his right lip pulled into a small smirk. "Fan did not get the idea on his own. His penchant for collecting oddities turned out to be his folly."

Kagome balled her fists in mock anger, "Don't get cocky! He could have killed me!"

"No harm would have befallen you."

The arrogant ass! "How presumptive of you, risking our lives based on what I can only assume to be a wild hunch!"

"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle," Sesshomaru quoted.

"Wait, are you quoting a...a book? You realize that particular tome was written by a human, right?"

Sesshomaru made a 'hnn' sound. "I may have held disdain for mortals, but I am not so naive as to overlook the wisdom of those I may presume as weaker. Humans have not progressed this far by chance. They lack power, agility, and longevity, but some makeup for that in cunning. "

"Wow, Lord Sesshomaru, I am...speechless," Kagome said. She cocked her head to the side, studying him in a different light.

A small smile formed on his lips, "I find that to be unbelievable." His smile quickly dropped, and he looked past her and towards her little house. "Now, back to the matter at hand. It is recommended you find what you need presently or leave it."

Kagome reflexively turned her head to the house and back, "What? I'm not leaving. I am not going to run and hide. My friends are here, and they may be in harm's way because of me. No. I am staying."

Sesshomaru shook his head. "Miko, there are many preparations to be done and an unknown time to complete them. If you plan to risk your own life, I will not compel you to accompany me, but the same cannot be said for all those involved."

Why was he so wishy-washy, instructing her to come and then backing off. "Of course, you wouldn't. Just go then!" she demanded.

He did not move. Perhaps his words were empty, and he was trying to use reverse psychology to get Kagome to leave with him.

Kagome broke, her words quiet and venerable. "Please just go. This is already hard as it is. I can't keep playing this game anyway. Don't worry about us. We will be fine. I've been through worse."

"I cannot help but worry," he admitted.

"Why?" If he would even admit that much.

He reached out and ran his hands through the strands of her hair in a thoughtful gesture. "This one knows the miko can care for herself. That I do not question."

She grabbed his hand to stop the simple caress but did not let go. "Then why is it important that I come with you?"

"To leave you and the child would be dishonorable."

She closed her eyes and held her breath. "I release you from your burden. Go forth and be free from us."

He still did not move, "You are making this difficult."

"Good, because you have made my life difficult!" she bit out. "As if things weren't already hard enough for me. Now I have to deal with my feelings for you," she blurted before stopping herself. Damn.

"What feelings?" he demanded.

She spun away, having said too much. Looking at him was enough to push her over the edge, and she had to be strong.

Sesshomaru would not allow her to leave with his question unanswered and grabbed her, pulling her into his chest. His arm wrapped around her so that she could not pull free. His head leaned down to her ear, allowing some of his silver locks to cover her shoulder. His lips were close enough to graze her ear, but his words were soft. "Speak, woman. You hold your tongue no other time."

Resisting was futile, and she could feel herself melting into his chest. "I...think...I…" her words trembled upon her lips, "may love you..." The last three words came out as a whisper, but Kagome knew he heard them.

"What a fool I am. Now, please go." She turned her head away from him as much as she could. Anything to break the spell under which she was falling.

Sesshomaru would not let her go, and his voice was hard with his monosyllabic reply. "Why?"

"Why what?" she repeated with fear.

He turned his head closer to hers, "Would you think those feelings would make you a fool?" His words seemed to hold anger in them.

Kagome sighed, "Because I am human, and even if you were to return my feelings or pretend to care, I am just a blink in your life. I cannot give you what you need or deserve, and it would be selfish of me to ask."

He released her, his arm falling away, and Kagome was able to step back and turn to see him. His eyes were soft, but his lips set into a hard line. "I liken you to many things, but never a fool."

"Then, perhaps, I am overzealous."

"You have never aspired to be more than you are, and I would never ask that of you."

Kagome closed her eyes, set upon her chosen path, "Then it's agreed."

His words cut through her. "You are trying to corner me into your narrow outlook."

Her eyes snapped open, and she asked almost hopelessly, afraid to hear his words. "Then what do you want?"

"You."

"Why?" she lamented.

"You anger me."

Kagome nearly laughed in derision. "I anger a lot of people."

Sesshomaru raised his voice over her own. "You also give me pause. I've never understood my father's inclinations until now."

He stepped close to her again, trying to use his vicinity to express his words. "How a human could intrigue me, push me, plague me."

He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek, and she did not stop him. "You infiltrate my every thought, and it drives me mad. The idea of losing you is a pain insurmountable."

Tears spilled down her cheeks. "I can't love you. It's...it is not fair to you. Please... don't say these things to me."

He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears, his other hand gently grasping her face. "Kagome, do not deny yourself. Least of all to me."

The weight of his words was not lost on her. In memory, she'd not once recalled him using her name. She had to harden her heart.

He tenderly tilted her chin and possessed her lips with his own. Warmth spread through her like wildfire, and she fought an urge to pull him closer so as to melt into his body. His hands never left her face as he waited for her to signal to him that there was more to be had. She longed for it to deepen, but pulled away before she allowed it to go too far.

"No," she pleaded, turning away from him. "I must-must... Please go."

He left quietly and swiftly, to where she did not know. It was for the best, she assured herself.

o - o - o - o - o

He departed expediently. Any more time spent in her presence would have had a different outcome, one that she may not likely desire, but he did.

Sesshomaru had never met such an intoxicating and infuriating person. In a different time, he would have reacted differently, or not at all.

Like his brow, he set his course and made haste. It was only a moment before he alighted outside the Houshi's home. He could sense that the taijiya was inside, alone, aside from the presence of his young child.

Without waiting for an invitation, he walked in. Sitting next to a hearth, the woman stirred a pot with her free hand. The infant was slumbering next to her.

The woman looked startled at his abrupt appearance, abandoning her meal preparations, "Lord Sesshomaru!"

He stepped before her, "I've come to retrieve the child."

She seemed confused, looking down at the baby. "What about Kagome?!" His arrival without the child's mother seemed to unbalance her.

Sesshomaru had no time for this, "She is safe."

The taijiya grabbed the infant up and stood up. She was right to feel uneasy but also had no reason not to relinquish the baby to its father. The woman carefully placed the sleeping child into her father's waiting arms.

He stared down at the child, who was gaining size with speed. Her hair had grown even longer, curling in fine strands around her head.

"Fetch Rin," he commanded, looking back up to the taijiya.

"Is something wrong, Lord Sesshomaru?" the woman asked with concern. She looked over to a corner of the room where her gear and weaponry leaned against a wall, ready for use.

Not answering her question, Sesshomaru changed the subject. "You have called for your brother, as I suggested?"

"Uh, yes. He has arrived. I think Rin is with him."

He felt a twinge of anger at the suggestion. Rin was of marriageable age, and it was preposterous for her to be alone with a male, even one he was acquainted with and had been a traveling companion. "Accompanied by who?"

"Miroku and the children," she responded hesitantly.

That, alone, did not mollify him, but he would deal with it soon enough. "My gratitude for keeping Setsuna safe. I will send word to you with instructions."

"Instructions for what?" she called after him.

He left without another word, leaving her question heavy in the air. The miko's human companions were much too wordy than was prudent. There was no time to answer constant questions.

o - o - o - o - o

Sesshomaru followed his nose the rest of the way through the village to find Rin. He located her in a clearing at the edge of the village. She appeared to be conversing with a young woman. Upon further inspection, Sesshomaru was unable to locate the houshi, nor his brood and his irk rose towards the taijiya for her false words.

There were many people in the clearing, most carrying belongings and supplies, looking as though they had just arrived from a long journey or were displaced settlers bearing all they owned. He noticed the now grown Kohaku among them calling out instructions.

Sesshomaru's arrival caused a hush among the group who all immediately began to arm themselves with varying weaponry. He glared at them all, daring anyone to attack.

Kohaku noticed the disturbance and lifted a hand, instructing the people to lower their weaponry, but many continued to give Sesshomaru defiant looks. The young man ran over towards Sesshomaru with a wary smile.

"Lord Sesshomaru, it is good to see you well. My sister sent word to me, expressing distress, and asked that I come quickly. When I learned that the suggestion came from you, I thought it provident to bring a team." Kohaku gestured to his people, still giving Sesshomaru wary, sidelong glances.

Rin had taken the opportunity to approach and smiled broadly. "Lord Sesshomaru! You have returned, which must mean that you bring Lady Kagome as well." She saw the child, now awake and alert, in his arm. Rin looked around, trying to find Kagome, and then back to Sesshomaru. "She is not here?"

Sesshomaru ignored her question. "With your mortal caretaker dead, I wanted to ensure that you are provided for." He looked around again and back at Rin. "I will soon be away from here."

Still smiling, Rin cooed at the baby and placed a finger inside the child's grasping hand. "I am happy here, my lord," she said cautiously. Glancing up, she said slowly, "I only worry about you."

Sesshomaru noticed from the corner of his eye Kohaku staring at the girl with a particular fondness in his gaze. He figured that young Rin could do worse than the thoughtful taijiya. She may undoubtedly need his care in the time to come.

Satisfied that Rin would not be left wanting, he issued a brief goodbye. "Be well, Rin."

Rin grabbed his arm, a look of concern drawing down her features. "Where is Kagome?" she asked again.

"You may tell her I will be waiting."

"Of course," Rin replied obediently. She still seemed perturbed over the turn of events, but would not question Sesshomaru.

He bid a final farewell to the pair and departed on a swift wind.

In-flight, he looked down at the child in his arms. She sat up and looked around in marvel, never having seen the world from this vantage. Her dark eyes alight with a quiet wonder. Those were the eyes of her mother, he knew. This was the only way to get her to see.

o - o - o - o - o

Kagome stepped inside her house again, for what she was unsure. Everything was exactly as she had left it, except for a layer of dust beginning to form. Funny how dust began to move in the moment that you stopped paying attention.

She sighed at all of the work she would have to do and nearly debated on taking care of things now rather than doing them later with a child to care for.

Her desire to be reunited with Setsuna was too great. Kagome exited the house and looked around. A shaky breath escaped her, and she chided herself for thinking that he would be here. Not after she ran him off. She left the house and set down the path towards the village.

She had gotten a mile barely before she was pulled from her thoughts.

"Oi! Kagome!" A familiar voice called out.

Kagome turned on her heel. Only one person she knew would address her like that.

Inuyasha ran up to her, pulling her into a friendly embrace. "You're okay!"

"Ungh, not if you don't crush me first," she joked.

"Eh? Sorry." He released her quickly and took an awkward step back. "I, uh, I'm sorry you were kidnapped...again."

Kagome bit her lip and smirked. "There's nothing to apologize for. You saved Setsuna, and that's all I could have ever asked."

"I was gonna come and save you, too, but it seems Sesshomaru beat me to it. Where is he anyway? Surprisingly he isn't here threatening to kick my ass again."

"He's gone. I don't know where to."

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence. "So, you were going to come to save me, huh? Like old times? How did that pan out?"

Inuyasha scratched at his head, seemingly embarrassed, "Yeah, well, once Sesshomaru came and threatened everyone, we decided to come up with an alternate plan."

"Threatened you?" She asked.

"Well, yeah, he came here hours after you were taken and apparently told Sango to get her brother here. He basically implied shit was gonna go down."

"I see," she responded, thinking to herself.

"I guess that means he didn't kill that bitch or her badass brother, huh?"

Kagome's head snapped up, and her heart dropped. The danger was only gone for the moment with no indication of when it was to return. "No, unfortunately not."

"Keh, fucking figures. He drags you and the kid into this, and now he's bringing everyone else into his fucking mess, too. Then he takes off?"

"Likely to prepare," Kagome defended. "He was able to seriously wound Fan, and any counter-attack will not be immediate."

"Nah. Probably when we least expect it. He's a sick fuck that one."

"What do you know of him?" She asked suspiciously.

"A little."

"You've never even met him. How can you possibly know anything at all?"

"I uh…" he trailed off, and he looked behind her.

Kagome caught his glance and spun around to see a woman peeking out at her from behind a tree. "Who is that, Inuyasha?"

"That's um…" he stammered, "It's Shizuka."

"Shizuka?" Kagome asked, looking at the tree the woman seemed to be hiding behind. "Why is she hiding? Who is she?"

"Don't get mad."

"Why would I get mad, Inuyasha?" she inquired the guilty-looking hanyo.

He scratched at his head and looked up as he spoke, avoiding her stare, "Because she...she may or may not have been the one who snatched the kid."

"What," she responded in monotone.

When it seemed Kagome wouldn't blow up, Inuyasha called out, "Come on over."

Kagome seethed with anger at the fool before her. She stood silent while Inuyasha led a hesitant hanyo woman out towards her.

Her first inclination had been to lash out, but upon further inspection, Kagome instantly felt a surge of pity.

The woman was an inuyokai, just like Inuyasha. Her ears were turned down like she was a beaten dog, and she trembled so like a frightened animal. Inuyasha took hold of her hand and patted it reassuringly. "This is Kagome. She won't hurt you."

Kagome glared at him, but he was oblivious to her poignant stare. He only had eyes for this timid woman. The idiot would dare attempt to pass off this woman as some kind of ally? Yet, Kagome could feel that there was nothing nefarious about her. Strange that she couldn't pick up anything at all, no sense of her yoki, nothing.

The woman glanced up, hesitantly, and back down. She began to tug on Inuyasha's arm, trying to pull away. Something about the way Kagome stared at her, causing her to feel discomfort.

"You're frightening her," Inuyasha pointed out. "Don't be such a bitch. It ain't Shizuka s fault."

"Are you serious right now! I haven't said one cross word as of yet! Maybe you are scaring her by pushing her into situations she's uncomfortable with."

Inuyasha snapped back, "Maybe she can see your dagger eyes!"

"So immature," Kagome groaned.

"Such a stuck up whiny bitch," he snapped.

Kagome frowned. "I am not whiny. I know what I want. It's different."

Inuyasha scoffed, "Keh. Oh yeah? Then why are you alone again?"

Kagome gasped. "How dare you! I am alone because I have chosen to be alone."

"Lie to yourself, wench, but you can't lie to me. I know you too well."

Kagome thought that may be true to a point, but he was wrong about his opinion of her.

Shizuka looked supremely uncomfortable but said nothing. Kagome sniffed in derision, turning her attention to the newcomer.

"So, explain to me why she is sharing your company, and I shouldn't want to hurt her if she tried to steal my baby," she demanded.

o - o - o - o - o

Inuyasha explained on the way towards the village. He told Kagome how Shizuka had been a slave to Tsering and used for everything from a handmaiden to a spy. They did not even know her real name, instead, giving her a new one.

How he had extracted all this information from a girl who was clearly mute was beyond her. Still, she gave this stranger the benefit of the doubt because Inuyasha assured her that Sango and Miroku would collaborate the story.

Kagome was skeptical but also hesitant to doubt her friend's astute judgment. It would be best to keep this woman as far away from her babe as possible, just to be safe, she thought.

Inuyasha explained that a lot had happened in the weeks she was gone. Kohaku had arrived, bringing with him his entire clan of taijiya. The lad was doing his best to rebuild that which he had taken away. His guilt was something he would battle for years, if not the rest of his life. Survivors guilt at its worst, Kagome knew.

Apparently, Sango's summons prompted Kohaku to bring his foundling people to the village to settle. The old taijiya village was gone, decimated by an old enemy, its inhabitants eradicated except for two. Kohaku dreamed of making amends due to his guilt and began by recruiting worthy apprentices and others experienced in exterminating demons.

With the village seeming to attract yokai of all kinds, it seemed an appropriate place to settle and begin anew. Of course, many of the people Kohaku had recruited held a deep-seated hatred for yokai, no matter their affiliations, and found themselves unsettled by some of the village's inhabitants.

None of that seemed to bother Inuyasha. He held the woman's hand as they walked, occasionally running a thumb over her hand for reassurance purposes. Kagome felt an odd sense of jealousy wash over her when she noticed. She narrowed her eyes at the display and quickly turned her head before the lout could pick up on her mood. Kagome cursed herself for those twinges of envy. It's not as if she even wanted Inuyasha like that. Not anymore.

He had seldom been so tender and patient with her during their time together. Both of their stubborn tendencies clashed and caused many fights. Now, Kagome could see that what he truly needed to thrive would be someone demure. Someone who needed the protection he could provide. Someone to validate him after years of being nothing.

Kagome now knew that she was never the one for him, and it stung to see him look happy over someone that was a virtual stranger in comparison to their years-old relationship. She felt her throat catch thinking about her own happiness or rather lack thereof.

It just didn't seem fair that Kagome had left her family and her entire life to come to the past for a boy that now seemed enthralled with someone else. She tried to discreetly clear her throat without drawing too much attention to herself.

"What's your deal?" Inuyasha asked skeptically.

Kagome noticed that he had an eyebrow raised and likely wouldn't be convinced by whatever she said. "I just miss her," she said quietly. That was true, and he wouldn't question her. She hoped.

His eyes suggested he had his doubts, but he didn't push the subject, instead, going along with her. "Yeah, well, she's a brat. Just like her mom." His friendly smile trying to console her.

Kagome nodded and glanced over at the new woman being led along quietly by Inuyasha's side. She had not gotten a very good look at the woman and thought she saw some similarities to another. Odd similarities. The tilt of her eyes, even downcast as they were, held some disturbing familiarity. Kagome shook her head of the thoughts, clearing her mind of such notions.

Inuyasha stopped, and Shizuka tensed, hiding behind him. Kagome was puzzled at their hesitation but felt it herself and followed their eyes up. Up in the sky, there was a figure being swallowed in the clouds settling over the land. It was a queer sensation to have her heart drop lower into her chest than it had already done not long ago.

Did I make the right decision, she pondered, looking back at the pair whose eyes were still glued to the sky.

"Bastard is leaving again. Good fucking riddance," Inuyasha cursed. "He always rattles on about pride and honor, but be is a fucking hypocrite."

Kagome didn't respond, preferring to chew on her lip. For a second, she thought he'd come back for her. Not that it would change her mind. The idea of being an aging liability seemed unfeasible.

Inuyasha scoffed. "You're better off. Maybe one of the new guys that Kohaku brought would suit you," he suggested.

If looks could kill, Inuyasha would be 6 feet under. The best Kagome could do was one. "Sit, boy!" She commanded.

The beads around his neck glowed, and his face planted into the ground with a satisfying sound. Shizuka looked at Kagome with a mixture of perplexion and horror, eliminating any amount of satisfaction Kagome would get from the deed.

"He deserved it!" She defended against her wordless accuser. "He will be fine," she waved a hand.

Inuyasha lifted himself from the ground spitting dirt, "Dammit, wench! Don't fucking do that!"

Kagome grabbed Inuyasha by his beads, pulling his neck down and looked at Shizuka. "Beads of subjugation," she explained. "If he ever gives you any trouble, let me know, and I will bring him down a few notches."

Shizuka continued to look horrified, emphasizing her fright by taking a step back from Kagome.

Kagome frowned and let Inuyasha go. He growled and rubbed his neck, muttering obscenities. He grabbed Shizuka's hand and marched off with her, leaving Kagome behind.

She sighed and followed.

The village was just a few yards away, and the trio made their way to Miroku and Sango's house.

Upon entering, Kagome was greeted with smiles and tight hugs from her best friend. Sango hiccuped, stifling a happy sob. "We were all so worried, but when Sesshomaru came, I knew you were okay."

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked. How had Sango seen Sesshomaru already? "Did he come here?"

Sango's eyes went wide with apprehension. "He did…"

Kagome looked around, noting the absence of her child, "Where's Setsuna?"

"He didn't bring her to you?" Sango questioned.

"Clearly not!" Kagome felt the blood drain from her face and turned to bolt from the door. Inuyasha stood with Shizuka in the doorway, speechless, and Kagome shouldered past him to get outside. He protested loudly, "Hey!"

Kagome ran outside, not knowing where to go or what to do. She could feel her adrenaline start to course as she stopped and looked in any direction. People were coming and going, working through their daily chores and errands, some looking at her strangely as she stood panting and looking around frantically.

Without having a set course in mind, she began running blindly, looking for anything. She could hear her name being shouted from behind her. "Kagome! Wait!"

She ignored whoever called, dashing through women who were running errands, children who were playing, and men returning from the day spent hunting and gathering. Kagome had a one-track mind at this moment where her instincts led her rather than her rationale.

Another voice broke through her, "Kagome?!"

She didn't stop running, but a pair of strong arms grabbed her and pulled her off her feet. "What's wrong?" she heard a frantic voice call out.

Kagome was able to see Rin standing in front of her, concern marring her features. "Kagome, please calm down."

She wrestled against the hands that restrained her, trying to pull free. "Let go of me. I have to find her," she cried.

Rin grabbed Kagome's hands in her own. "Please, listen. Setsuna is not here. She is with Lord Sesshomaru."

"He took her?!" Kagome yelled. She settled and quit trying to break free, finally noticing who had grabbed her up. It had been quite a while since she'd seen the young man, Kohaku. He'd grown taller, more filled, and masculine in his slayer clothes. He also looked concerned while holding her from causing harm to herself or others.

"Yes, that is true," Rin said. She looked sad for Kagome like she felt pity for a child who didn't know the real way of the world. "He said to come," she said softly.

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked. "He said what?"

He allowed Kagome to go free, and she turned to look up at him in perplexion. Kohaku moved around to stand beside Rin.

"What are you saying?" Kagome asked. Come where she wondered.

Rin still held Kagome's hands and rubbed them in a soothing motion. "He wanted you to find them."

Kagome felt her heart fall. Now Setsuna was gone, too. Was it a punishment? Or was he using their child to bring her to him? Perhaps he did not find her capable of handling their child that would surely outlive her. "Find them?" she repeated softly. "Did he-was there anything else?"

"Yes, he said once you were ready, they would be waiting."

o - o - o - o - o

A/N: FYI, to any who may ask. No, Inuyasha isn't in insta-love with Keyuri/Shizuka. I'll just leave it at that.

Hmm, there will likely be some daddy-daughter moments in the chapter to come. That should be exciting.

Also, I know it seemed a bit anti-climatic that Fan bit the dust so easily. I mean, he's this hella strong yokai, right? Well, we've seen Sesshomaru lose an arm to his "weakling" brother, so I don't think it's a stretch to say that Fan overestimates himself a bit, or at the very least underestimates everyone else. I doubt he will make that mistake again.

[unityghost]

Utility

Part 13 of my angstalicious series Post-Asmodeus Sabriel Feels. Finals are over and I have a holiday installment coming up, then a bunch of prompts. Time to be Author McBitch.

Daytime was getting to be more manageable. But Gabriel’s patience wore thin as the nightmares continued to harass him almost every time he closed his eyes, more than half a year since he’d come to stay with Sam and Dean at the bunker.

Gabriel had been so sure that as his grace gradually returned – a process still ongoing – and he needed less and less sleep to function properly, the bad dreams would become shorter. Less vivid.

But almost every night, they did what they had since his rescue: broken up his sleep, made him need more sleep, and ultimately hindered the replenishment of his grace.

Practice made it easier to keep from disturbing other people – people who had already done too much to try to hold him in one piece. He grew accustomed to waiting out the rest of the night alone. It was now almost instinctual to lie in bed instead of collapsing to the floor, to roll over and throw up into the trash can instead of on himself, to wait patiently for any impending abuse instead of trying to fight back.

But sometimes Gabriel wasn’t successful: he would succumb to a fit of panic, sobbing for help; he would vomit all over the sheets; he would grew desperate enough that he ran out of his room and stumbled over his own feet, pitching to the floor and inevitably waking someone up.

Castiel was usually the first to notice Gabriel’s distress, since he was the only one among them that required no sleep at all. He never reacted with alarm or confusion, and never asked questions. Instead, he simply did what he could to get Gabriel through the worst of it: sitting with him, quietly insisting that he was no longer in danger, holding him steady while he got sick, remaining patient as Gabriel gave in to memories that refused to remain memories.

Gabriel appreciated his brother’s assistance. In those moments of terror, he was grateful for a reassuring presence.

Still, it was no secret to any of them that Gabriel had an extreme preference for Sam.

It was Sam who had coaxed him out of insanity shortly following his rescue. Sam had seen him at his worst, worse than what the others thought was the ugliest he could get. Whereas Castiel, too, had witnessed the immediate aftermath of Gabriel’s liberation, Sam had been the one to press on Gabriel’s vulnerabilities just hard enough to show that he knew where they were, but not with enough force to increase the pain.

Gabriel had responded with the first of many violent seizures of fear and sickness, and Sam didn’t leave. Nor did he squirm or look away. He did what he could to make touch seem a little less damning, to furnish at least the illusion of safety.

So at this point, especially now that this same process had taken place at least once every couple of weeks since that first episode of self-debasement, Sam was the only one Gabriel really wanted nearby in the fallout of a nightmare. It helped to have someone else, anyone else, because of course the alternative was being alone; but having Sam there was different from not having Sam there.

So there were times when Gabriel could cope by himself, and times when he was compelled to seek assistance.

And then there were times when the source of help absolutely had to be Sam.

Tonight, the dream dragged on for a long while before Gabriel woke up. When he did, the darkness felt thick, warm, and sour. Images from the dream clattered through his mind in pieces and he strove to identify exactly what it was that had caused him to feel so …

In fact, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling. His reaction to the dream, like the dream itself, took some organization. In any case, he was sweaty and trembling.

Then, as if in sync with his wild heartbeat, pictures and voices began to come together.

“He’s right here.” Gabriel recognized Dean’s voice.

“Where’s Sam?” Gabriel. That was Gabriel.

“Just hold him down, Dean.” Castiel. “He won’t fight.”

The floor of the hall was slippery, so that Gabriel couldn’t stand without struggling and was unable to focus on anything other than maintaining his balance. He had no way of knowing how close the voices were.

He slipped, spilling onto the floor.

Gabriel shivered. He no longer tried to recall the nightmare; he was now powerless to slow its return.

“Dean, are you sure we should be following these orders? I don’t want to give in to Asmodeus if I can help it.”

“We tried, Cas. Gabriel’s a pain. I told you that. He’s taking too long.”

“Well, I suppose at least Asmodeus will find him useful.”

Gabriel tried to get up from the floor but was pushed back down – not violently, but firmly – and recognized the pressure and tightness of the hands as Dean’s.

“What are you doing to me?” Gabriel screamed. “Please, please, get Sam!”

A knife through his back, pinning him down, forcing his breath away, stinging as he flailed and choked.

“Asmodeus told me this trick always worked. Come on, Cas. Let’s go see if he’s ready yet.”

Gabriel tried to speak, tried to ask what Asmodeus was ready for, but managed only a whisper and lost more breath.

Gabriel sat up in bed, trying to shut out the rest. But it flooded him.

Taking quick, shallow breaths, Gabriel leapt out of bed and, only half-aware of what he was doing, sprinted to the door.

After that nightmare – images of which still crawled through his conscience – Gabriel felt that he had no dignity to sacrifice, not when he’d just been locked to the floor with a knife through his spine, waiting for Asmodeus to drag him back to Hell.

Gabriel didn’t care what happened next. He only knew he couldn’t remain lying prostrate in the hall, stabbed and suffocated by people he had thought - foolishly - he might be able to trust.

Do you trust Sam? he asked himself, and the answer was a mess. He did trust Sam, but felt that he shouldn’t; and yet he didn’t trust Sam, even as he desperately wanted to. He was sure now that Sam would never intend to cause him harm, but he was also convinced that Sam didn’t have the grit to keep helping him.

And this - was this a mistake? Running to Sam in the dead of night, risking punishment and further humiliation?

Instinct overrode analysis.

Gabriel didn’t even pause to knock on the door. Immediately, Sam switched on the bedside lamp, gun raised and aimed directly at Gabriel. Perhaps Gabriel should have expected it. Even so, he threw his arms over his face and stumbled backwards.

He heard the weapon being lain on the bedside table, and then Sam climbing out of bed and moving towards him.

Sam pried Gabriel’s arms away from his face. “Hey hey hey, I just didn’t know it was you. You’re all right.”

The gun had given Gabriel such a shock that he now shook hard enough to make standing a challenge. He thought again of falling to the floor before Dean shoved him into submission.

“Sorry,” Sam said, bracing both hands on either of Gabriel’s shoulders. “I’m sorry; I left because you fell asleep.”

Sam had taken to staying with Gabriel until Gabriel was no longer awake. Sam had been the one to suggest it, and while Gabriel had initially scoffed and reminded Sam that as long as he was playing nursemaid, Gabriel was never going to regain even a fragment of his former self, he didn’t try to argue a second time.

Now, Sam guided Gabriel to the bed and helped him sit. “You look pretty riled up.”

“Yeah, I …I’m sorry, Sam; I couldn’t help it.”

“No, don’t worry. You’re okay now. It’s all over. Oh, hang on - ” He went to the closet and brought back a plastic bucket, which he placed in front of the bed. “Figured it was better to keep on hand than the trash. Just, you know, if you need it.”

Gabriel blinked at the bucket. “You have bigger things to worry about. But I guess there’s less chance of me puking all over your bed.”

Sam took a seat beside him. “Tell me what’s up.”

.Gabriel lowered his gaze to his lap. “Stupid nightmares being stupid.”

“I figured. The usual? Or something new?” Sam knew that there was no shortage of fresh material.

Gabriel’s flesh crawled as the dream broke through once more. “I’ve never had this one.”

“Must’ve been pretty bad.”

“It - yeah.” He tried to meet Sam’s eyes and immediately looked away again. “Your brother. And my brother. They - they, uh - ”

“You don’t have to tell me if you feel like you can’t.”

“No, I’m fine.” Gabriel steeled himself. At this point he had settled down just enough to feel embarrassed. The least he could do was give Sam an explanation for why he had intruded upon his much-needed sleep. “Dean and Cas rammed a knife through my back so that Asmodeus could get to me. I was held in place - on the floor - like it was a stake or something. Left me feeling a little …” His throat tightened. “I mean, I woke up and you were the only safe person left.”

Sam rested a hand on Gabriel’s back. “I’m here. You wanna lie down?”

Gabriel shook his head. “Might fall asleep. I’d rather stay awake and pity myself than listen to Dean and Castiel talk about how hopeless I am.”

Sam frowned, letting his hand slide off. “Is that why Asmodeus was coming back for you? Because Dean and Cas decided you were a lost cause?”

Gabriel grimaced. “You put the pieces together fast, don’t you? Yeah. That was why. They said they’d tried to help me but it didn’t work, and Asmodeus would at least find me - ”

But the word froze on his tongue.

“Would find you what?” asked Sam.

Gabriel pulled his knees up to his chest. “‘Useful.’”

Sam seemed unsurprised. “You don’t have to be useful. In any case, you’ve been great with the translations. But we wouldn’t give you back to Asmodeus. Of course we wouldn’t. We’d rather keep you here.”

“That’s nice of you,” Gabriel muttered. “I - I just - if I’m, you know, expendable, then why should I stick around?”

“‘Stick around’?” Sam sounded wary.

“Stick around in the bunker, I mean,” Gabriel clarified, because he knew that if he said what he really meant then the conversation would shift course. “You could throw me away any time you want. I mean, look, it scares the everliving shit out of me, but when I really consider the big picture, Dean and Cas weren’t actually incorrect. Not saying you’d feed me to Asmodeus - just making note of the fact that I was useful to him and now I … I’m not useful to anyone.”

Sam stared at him in disbelief. “You don’t have to be useful to be worth something.” He thought for a moment, then added, “People pay out the ass just to be able to put sparkly rocks on the shelf. And what good to they do? People just want to have them there.”

Gabriel gave a hollow laugh. “I’m pretty sure I’m just your standard boulder. The kind you trip over. The kind with bugs crawling around underneath.”

“Okay, well, giving bugs somewhere to live is way more helpful than just looking pretty.”

“Sam …” Gabriel tried to take a deep breath and found he couldn’t. “It isn’t being useful that matters. It’s that being useful is the only thing that makes me matter.”

Sam looked distressed. “Don’t say things like - ”

“Grace. I’m good for my grace.” Gabriel felt his throat tighten and coughed to clear it. “So long as I’m here, just waking up to throw a fit, I don’tmatter, okay? And when I was with him,” Gabriel plowed on as Sam opened his mouth, “I wasn’t anything; I was … I was nothing. But I mattered. Because I could supply something that mattered. And now …” He swallowed. “Now I can’t even do that.”

“Gabe, come on.”

“Can’t think of a solid excuse for that one, can you? Good. This is just how things are, Sam. I’m worth my grace and I barely have enough to heal a bruise. Or maybe I’m good for a fight here and there, or - or whatever anyone wants to do with me, you know? Lay me down, play their games - I’m useful for that.”

Sam looked nauseated. “Gabriel, stop.”

Gabriel raked his hands through his hair. It felt greasy. Sam was right; he needed to clean himself up. “Sometimes I think it’d make sense. Scares me, but you guys might as well ship me off somewhere I actually have a purpose.”

“Gabriel, don’t. Please.” Sam gripped his shoulder. “You’re in a bad place and you need to get better. This isn’t the time for you to be useful, okay? This is a time for you to listen. So listen to me. What if it were Cas? What if he was in pain and told you he thought we should only keep him around for servitude?”

Gabriel shook his head. “I’m not trying to tell you I don’t appreciate all the TLC. I’m just saying that the dream hurt, but it wasn’t wrong.”

Sam tightened his grasp. “I don’t understand why you’re putting yourself through more abuse.”

Gabriel shrugged, half-expecting Sam to let go of his shoulder. When he held on, Gabriel looked up at him. “I know what I’m good for. And at the moment I’m good for bulking up your daycare resume. I still think you’re going to learn the hard way that you’re spending time on a project that can’t be finished. But if working on it right now makes you happy, then … well, I’m glad to be a part of that.”

“Jesus Christ, Gabriel.” This time Sam did release him. “Come on. Don’t hurt yourself like that. Here, lie down for a second; you can just - ”

Gabriel recoiled. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not.” The sensation of the knife through his back sullied the security of Sam’s presence.

“All right.” Sam spoke softly. “But you know none of this is real, don’t you? You know Dean and Cas would never do something like that, right? And Asmodeus is dead, but even if he did try to take you, we’d put up a good fight. He’s not getting anywhere near you. Mostly because he’s gone, but also because even if he wasn’t, we’d keep you safe.”

Despite Sam’s words, Gabriel began to shiver more forcefully. “But what if - ”

“No. There’s no ‘what if.’”

“If they - I think - ” He drew a shaky breath and looked up at Sam. “If Dean or Castiel decided they’d had more than their fair share of a psychotic archangel, that’s their right. They never said anything about wanting me. But if - if you - ”

“Don’t.”

“If you were the one to shove a knife through me - ”

“I said don’t!”

“I’d never tell you you shouldn’t, but - ”

“You don’t have to tell me! We’ve been through this; I’m not gonna throw you onto the streets or into the pit just because you’re not at a hundred percent right now! What, you think Dean and Cas should’ve done that to me?”

“No!” The thought was enough to turn Gabriel’s stomach. “But that’s different. You guys are family. You’re family in a way that even Cas and I aren’t.”

“But Cas cares about you. So does Dean. And Jack. And you’ve made it clear that you think I shouldn’t care, but I do. Quit waiting for the other shoe to drop. Gabriel, your job isn’t to stand sentry until one of us gets fed up; it’s to leave Asmodeus behind and start trusting us when we say you shouldn’t have been tortured. None of us wants to see you like this, and all of us want you to get better. For your sake, not ours.”

Gabriel shifted his eyes once more to his lap, not sure how to respond. Finally, he managed to say, “This is a no-win situation. I don’t heal, I mooch off of you guys. I get better, it’s time for me to go.”

“What? Who told you that?”

“Just makes sense.”

“We’re not getting rid of you.”

“No, it’s okay; you should. I don’t mind; I just …” He curled his hands into fists, and felt a tear spill down his cheek. “All right. I mind. But - I also understand.”

“Dude, will you stop making plans for us? You can stay as long as you want.”

Gabriel lowered his head further, trying to shield his face, sick of crying in front of Sam. “I feel like - like I’ve got to prepare myself.”

He felt Sam shift closer. “You spent over eight hundred years with Asmodeus, preparing yourself for his next move. Don’t you think you deserve a little time to relax?”

Gabriel choked on a muffled sob. It was as though he still lacked autonomy, as though everything he’d faced was still trying to wrestle itself out of him and the desperate ferocity of its efforts kept Gabriel himself from getting free.

He swiped at his face with the heels of his hands. “I think you and your brother should train me to control myself.”

“It’s okay,” Sam said quietly. “You know you’re allowed to show me what’s going on.”

“And you’re allowed to mix ectoplasm into a milkshake, but that doesn’t make it a good idea.” He straightened up and looked at Sam. “We both need this to end. Sooner or later it’s just going to get worse. Habits are hard to break, and I can’t say I’m proud of losing my shit every time we’re in the same room.”

“Take it easy. Now’s not the time to worry about saving face.” He touched Gabriel’s arm. “You’re sick, Gabriel. When you’re sick you’re not supposed to care what other people think. All you need to do is rest up and let us take care of you.”

Almost unaware of what he was doing, Gabriel seized Sam’s hand. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause it hurts, man. I don’t know what to do with it. I’m scared I’m gonna mess up and change your mind.”

“What could you possibly do to mess up that bad?”

Gabriel clutched Sam’s hand, feeling stupid but desperate. “Like this. Waking up and harassing you. Clinging to you like a squid. Spilling my guts when you have your own memories to deal with. The Cage, and … and whatever you haven’t told me. I know that some of what I say to you hits close to home, Sam. And eventually it’s going to be too much.”

Sam squeezed back. “No, that’s not going to happen. I’ve had time to handle my own crap. Besides, the more I know what it’s like, the more I want to help. You aren’t making anything worse.”

“But Dean said - ” Gabriel hesitated. “Dean said you get like me. That’s got to make it hard to drag yourself through everything I tell you. Everything you have to watch.”

Sam looked discomfited. “Dean told you that? I wish he hadn’t. Uh - yeah, I have the occasional bad day. But - you know - even the worst aren’t what they used to be. Not as often. Not as intense. I promise you aren’t making things more difficult than they need to be.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well, I still promise.”

Gabriel stared down at Sam’s hand, big enough to swallow up his own. “You think Dean would ever go for that? You know, if I did something to really bug him?”

Sam’s eyes widened in horror. “What? Pin you to the floor with a knife?”

“He’s not as patient as you are. I could see him giving me up if the opportunity arose.”

“My brother would never do something like that! Even if he tried - he won’t, but supposing he did - you think I’d just step aside and let it happen?”

A tear splashed onto Sam’s knuckles. “I hope not.”

“Gabriel, please don’t worry so much. It’s bad for you. It’s not gonna help.”

Gabriel didn’t say anything, just focused on the knot in his throat and tried to keep his breathing under control.

“And neither is that,” Sam added.

Gabriel glanced up. “Hmm?”

“How come you’re still so squeamish about me seeing you get upset?”

The question took Gabriel by surprise. “I’m not squeamish. I just don’t want to make it more of a habit than it already is.” Gabriel glanced at the clock. 4:32. “You should go to sleep, Sam. I’ll be okay. I just wanted to see you because I was freaking out.”

“Why don’t I come back to your room?” Sam suggested.

Gabriel climbed off the mattress. “No. I’m gonna … I don’t know. I’ll find something to do.”

“I kind of feel like you’re not done,” Sam replied.

“What?”

“Just … it seems like this is still bothering you.”

“I - ” Gabriel’s chest tightened as he looked at Sam.

Sam met his gaze, brow furrowed in concern.

“Son of a bitch,” Gabriel whispered, and broke into a quiet fit of sobbing.

“Okay,” Sam said softly. “It’s okay. Come here.”

Gabriel didn’t move, caught halfway between wanting to sacrifice control entirely and wanting to run out of the room.

“Are you afraid of me touching you?” Sam asked.

Gabriel shook his head.

“Then why don’t you want to come sit?”

Gabriel didn’t respond, only stood in place, head bent, striving for some semblance of dignity.

It was late. Or early. In any case, the wrong hour for getting worked up like this.

“Gabriel, what can I do?” Sam pressed.

Still avoiding Sam’s eyes, Gabriel croaked, “This is dumb. The guilt is making everything worse. You’re tired, I’m tired - ”

“I’m not that tired.”

“Shut up; it’s almost 5:00 A.M.”

“Well, I’m awake now. And besides, I’m used to sleeping two or three hours at a time.” He paused. “I feel like we’re not finished talking, though. Your whole thing about” - he used air quotations - “‘being useful’?”

Gabriel remained silent.

“I know what it feels like,” Sam continued. “I was never good for just being me. I was good for hunting.”

Gabriel scrubbed at his face with his sleeve. “Your old man feed you that BS?”

“Yeah. And it still rings true.”

“Jesus Christ Sam, no.”

“It does. And Cas feels that way now and again as well. He’s lost his grace more than once, and when he was human he worried about not being good enough.”

“My brother worried about that? Why? You guys wouldn’t care about his grace; he’s special to you.”

“You’re right. We tried telling him that, but I don’t think he was ever fully convinced. The point is that we wanted him here, and we want you here too.” Sam smiled. “We like you.”

“Pfft. That’s nice.”

“No, I mean it. Can’t you tell?”

Gabriel shrugged.

“Who asked you to be useful, Gabe?” Sam continued. “We just want to see you heal up. And after that, you can decide whether you want to stick around. It’d be good to have you. Even if you make the choice to move on, you’d at least have to come hang out once in a while.”

For a few moments, Gabriel didn’t speak. When he did, he chose his words carefully. “You really seem to believe you aren’t going to change your mind. I … the truth is there have been times when I thought maybe I was worrying too much. But I don’t want to tempt myself with that, because the risk of being disappointed is too big. Better to just arm myself now. Otherwise, I think I might end up catatonic.”

“There’s no use in getting ready for something that won’t happen.”

“And if it does?” Gabriel crossed his arms, folding himself in, an old reflex that was hard to abandon. “I’m not saying it will, but the fact that it might is more than enough incentive for me to start stocking up on resilience.”

Sam sighed. “Okay. I don’t think I can make you believe me. Suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.” He scratched at the back of his neck. “Just wish you’d learn that not all of us are Asmodeus.”

Gabriel hadn't expected those words. “I don’t think that.”

“Well, maybe not that exactly, but the shit he put you through, the way he taught you to raise your defenses - it stuck. And it’s hard for me to unstick.”

“It’s not your responsibility to unstick it,” Gabriel reminded him.

Sam got to his feet. “No, but you need to shake it off. Look, whether or not I change my mind about any of this - you have to change your mind. I think you have to start telling yourself that it’ll be okay. I know that sounds like it won’t help but - ”

“Positive … self … talk,” Gabriel said, pretending to take notes. “Thanks, Oprah.”

“You could at least do a trial run.”

Gabriel groaned, battling the early sting of a headache. “His voice is too loud.”

“I know.”

“How am I supposed to shut it out?”

“I guess you just practice.”

“That ever work for you?”

Sam had to consider this for a moment. “Yeah. I guess I didn’t notice until now, but I think it’s made a difference.”

“Huh.”

“So you have all these feelings that you’re worthless, and that you’re a mess. You told me once you thought Asmodeus was right to torment you like he did.”

“I remember,” Gabriel muttered. Some time ago, Sam had taken him out for a trip to the local diner, during which time Dean had called to ask about an error in Gabriel’s translation of a Men of Letters text. Gabriel was so horrified by his mistake that he’d told Sam he was sure Asmodeus had done the right thing.

“And you have it in your head,” Sam went on, “That we should all just cut you out of our lives because you’re annoying and hopeless.”

Gabriel smiled wryly. “You’ve been listening.”

“So tell yourself exactly the opposite. It sucks, it’s hard, but Asmodeus is the one who’s annoying. Shut him up.”

Gabriel bit his lip. “The problem is that I think he might be onto something. ”

“He’s not. Make him stop talking. He did it to you, remember?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “No Sam, I forgot.”

“Let him see what it’s like. Whenever that voice tries to tell you something about who you are, or what you deserve …” Sam gave a knowing smile. “Pull out that needle and thread.”

Gabriel pictured it, anticipating revulsion - but the image gave him grim satisfaction. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll test it out.”

“Good.” Sam stretched, then asked, “How do you feel about grabbing some coffee so that we can both function like normal humans?”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Humans, huh?”

Sam looked embarrassed. “I meant …”

“I know what you meant. It’s fine. Sooner or later you won’t ever be tempted to make that mistake again.”

“You want a hug?”

Gabriel blinked. “I’m sorry, what? Where did that come from?”

“I just figured I’d ask.”

“When and why did you decide this?”

“If you don’t think - ”

“Shut up, I didn’t say no. Just give me a little warning next time.” He wrapped his arms around Sam, holding tightly. Sam returned the embrace.

“Sorry I’m so difficult,” Gabriel muttered, still clinging to him. “And you don’t need to say I’m not; I know that I am. It’s okay. I know this must be rough on you. So as guilty as I feel, I still appreciate you not giving up on me.”

“Yeah, of course.” Sam pulled away to meet Gabriel’s eyes. “I wouldn’t do that. And I think what you meant to say is that the circumstances are difficult.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, you’re more than just your hunting abilities.”

“And you’re more than however much grace you can supply. Let’s go get some coffee. If anything'll boost your grace levels, it’s that Starbucks stuff Dean splurged on.”

Part of Gabriel wanted to protest that partaking of their expensive coffee would be unfair, that he didn’t deserve it. But then he remembered what Sam had said to him - remembered that Gabriel had told Sam he would try and put it into practice.

I deserve the stupid coffee, he thought, feeling self-conscious.

There. He’d fulfilled his promise to Sam. At least he was useful for that much.

[sarah-bae-maas]

A Court of Hearts and Darkness Chapter Sixteen

It’s been over a century since the epic and bloody war against Hybern, but a new, unprecedented horror lies in wait to threaten everything the Inner Circle holds dear.

At a mere 17, it seems that the only one who can save them is the Heir to the Night Court, Feyre and Rhysand’s daughter Eleana, but as a creature so vile promises to kill everyone she loves, she must combat the urge to succumb to the darkness herself. The key to success lies hidden within her mate, the bastard born Kaden, who is as oblivious to the bond as her Court is oblivious to the war on the horizon.

With the help of her cousin and warrior Felix, the son of the famed Nesta and Cassian, they will try to save everything they hold dear, hopefully before the darkness takes them all.

Link on Ao3 Masterlist

One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six   Seven   Eight   Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve   Thirteen  Fourteen   Fifteen 

***

-Chapter 16-

“I’m going to find you!” Felix sang. He knew exactly where his sister was from her giggling. He knew she was behind a tree in front of him, but was just letting her think she was going to win their game of hide-and-seek. It had only been hours since he returned home from his mission to the mortal lands, and all the other members of the Elite had been dismissed. He, however, was awaiting the arrival of a certain bastard and heir and couldn’t make a public appearance until they were with him.

He’d lied to High Lady Feyre and told her that he and Eleana were going to spend some quality time with Quathryn for a few hours, but that would become longer if Eleana didn’t arrive home soon. He was a little worried about how long Laya was taking to come home from the wedding, but there were multiple explanations for it. Firstly, her and Kaden were having such a splendid time that they let time slip away from them. Unlikely, knowing how angsty the two were. The second option was that they had a fight and Eleana is blowing off steam somewhere, but if that had happened Kaden would have come to him by now. Then there was the possibility that things went so horribly with his family that they were all dead and Felix would never see his friends again.

“Come find me! Lis!” Quathryn sang back to him. Her little voice warmed his heart and made him think more realistically. Together, Kaden and Eleana were an unstoppable force – he had to believe that nothing would go wrong. He’d go insane if we worried about them as much as they warranted him to.

Felix stalked quietly around the tree where Quathryn was hiding. He’s brought her to the part of the forest designated for the Elite to train, and since they weren’t, he thought he’d use it to play with his tiny sister.  When he went around, he saw her head peeking around the corner to see where he had gone, and then run off to where he had just been. Her blue dress swished in the Spring wind, and the sequinned shoes Mor had made just for her glittered a bright red. A smile graced his face, and he went back to go catch her.

She wasn’t there though. He stepped back around, and where she should’ve been she wasn’t. He listened for her breathing, her laughs, but couldn’t hear a sound beyond the rustling of the leaves in the breeze and his own heartbeat.

“Quathryn! It’s time to go home!”

She didn’t reply.

He started to panic, and was ready to summon the Elite when he turned and saw Quathryn snuggled in the arms of their father.

“Oh Mother. You scared the hell out of me!” He gave his father a relieved smile and walked over to the pair. Quathryn was babbling away telling Cassian about her wonderful day with Lis, and although Cassian was giving her smiles and asking all the appropriate questions, he gave off a very hostile air. As Felix walked over to them, he crossed a barrier of magic, a ward to conceal where you were unless you wanted someone to know. It smelt like melting metal and tickled his nose.

“I could say the same for you.” Cassian said lowly. Felix noticed that he was wearing full fighting attire. Flying leathers on, siphons glowing, a multitude of weapons strapped to him. He had to hold Quathryn to the side of his chest so that he didn’t accidently hurt her with one.

Felix stopped in his stride and his face fell. “What do you mean?”

“Can you imagine my concern when I get a message from another camp that says Eleana has attacked all the lord’s sons – injuring them to the point where they can no longer fight as soldiers? Can you imagine how my first thought is that these men must have done something to you first to garner this reaction from her – since she was with you – and how I must have panicked when I thought my son was hurt? Especially since I thought he was looking after my baby daughter too?”

“I’m sorry-”

“And then I tell your mother, who was hysterical, and could barely manage to tell Feyre. Rhys was maniacal, but that didn’t last long because he found her on her way back to the house, pretending like she’d been with you the whole time.”

“I’m-”

“What were you thinking?!” He yelled. “After everything that has happened you lie about her whereabouts? Not only that, but you use the team I gave you to do it?” Quathryn shirked back from Cassian and whimpered. Cassian turned to her instantly, apologizing profusely for scaring her and kissing the top of her head. When he spoke next to Felix, his voice was much calmer, and for Felix, that was much worse. “I am so disappointed in you. How can I trust you with the best the Illyrians have to offer when you can’t tell a simple truth?”

Felix stayed silent, his hands behind his back and his gaze to the floor. Hearing his father say he was disappointed in him was the worst thing he could’ve heard, and he knew there were no words that could rectify this.

“I can’t just let this go, not when your decisions impact everyone in the Inner Circle.” He came up to Felix and handed him Quathryn. Felix knew this wasn’t good – his father only did that when he had some particularly bad news. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lied her head on his chest, singing to herself. “I gave you the Elite, and for the foreseeable future, I’m taking them away.”

If Felix hadn’t been holding his sister he would’ve lurched. His father probably expected him to feel sad by this news, or to beg his forgiveness. What he wouldn’t expect was the pure, fiery rage that lit through him.

“No.” He spun on his heels, Quathryn still with him, and walked away from his father. Cassian flew over his head and landed in front of him.

“You can’t just say no, Felix. You can have them back when you prove to me that I can trust you.”

“They won’t listen to you.” Felix put simply.

“Excuse me?”

“You say you gave them to me, and that’s true. You gave me that position. But I earned it, and I built them from the bottom to the one of the most valuable assets the Night Court has. If you take away the Elite, I’ll just make another team under a different name with the same Illyrians. I won’t stand for this trivial punishment, not when you’re not really mad at me. No, you’re just tired because you have a child coming soon and are frustrated because the time Eleana was attacked it was because you didn’t figure out what the creature was. Don’t take your petty shit out on me.”

Quathryn gasped and slapped her hand over Felix’s mouth. “Is a bad word, Lis!” Her scolding brought him back from the angry stares he and his father were giving each other, and did the same for Cassian.

His father let out a loud breath, and came to stand next to Felix. “You’re right. You’ve earned everything you have and more, and I’m proud of you. I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner, and I’m sorry I’m taking frustrations I have about myself out on you.” He clasped Felix’s shoulder, and Felix let down his sister so he could give his father a proper hug.

They walked out of the forest together to go back to Felix’s house, Quathryn trotting in front of them picking wild flowers.

“Do you know why Eleana was near Cesere?” Cassian asked him.

Felix raised an eyebrow at him. “Have you ever tried to understand all the decisions she makes? She’ll hash it out with Rhys and Feyre, and we’ll hear about it afterwards.”

“I wonder how different the stories will be from what she tells you and what Rhys tell me.”

“It’ll be something along the lines of ‘Cassian,’” Felix put on a deep, growling voice, “’she was in mortal danger and could’ve died. I was so worried about her.’ And then she’ll just say,” Felix changed his voice to a high-pitched girly one, “’Oh my Cauldron! All he does is overreact nothing was wrong I was literally getting food like ugh.’”

Cassian let out a loud laugh.

“I can’t believe you thought you could take the Elite from me.” Felix snickered. It was rather stupid.

“Not my finest moment, I’ll admit. At the time, it felt like a good decision. Now I just think I’ll let Nesta deal with you. That’s far worse than any punishment I could give.

“Remind me again how you found someone to marry you?” Felix joked.

“Mate bonds. Lowering standards for millennia.”

“I don’t think that’s quite how it works.” Felix thought of the bond Eleana and Kaden shared, and there was no way one would be settling for the other. They were so perfect for each other it was sickening.

“Well you can ask your mother yourself. She may or may not be at the house waiting for us to come home.”

Felix’s groan of pain was so loud Quathryn looked at him in concern, and brought him a little bouquet of flowers.

_____

Rhys.

Feyre.

Eleana.

The heir sat on a stool in front of her pacing, and furious, parents. They were bickering with each other, trying to decide what her punishment should be. Eleana rolled her eyes. They were so preoccupied with arguing that they hadn’t even noticed when she swiped chocolate from the kitchen, and that she was now contently munching on it. She didn’t care what they said – she didn’t regret a thing. Not to mention that as soon as she told them everything she’d learned about the creatures plaguing Prythian something as menial as this would mean nothing. So, oh no, she’d hurt a few boy’s egos. She could have just killed them.

“Are you even listening, Eleana?!” Feyre turned her fury onto Eleana.

“If I’m being honest? No.”

“No?” Rhys was flabbergasted.

“This is stupid. I didn’t just decide that I was going to hurt some Illyrians because I felt like a laugh. I did it because they deserved it, and it was a just punishment. They’ll heal. In time, but they’ll still heal. Don’t worry, you’ll have them back in your arsenal any year now.” She defended herself.

To think only a few hours ago she’d been asleep, wrapped in Kaden’s arms, waking up only to make love, and now she was here being yelled at. She wondered where he was. When she’d gotten back to camp, she was going to run home to get some new clothes but was caught by her mother. Unfortunately, she was caught after they’d heard the news of what she’d done. They didn’t, however, seem to know what her motivations were or even really care.

Luckily, she was fully dressed when they found her, or this could have been whole new levels of awkward. She could still see the hungry look in Kaden’s eyes when she’d stolen his shirt and refused to give it back - telling him that if he wanted it he would have to come rip it off her.  

“This isn’t about how you hurt those males! We don’t care that you did that! You don’t think we don’t know what kind of people they are? We were worried sick! I’ve never seen Azriel so upset in my life-”

“Az?” Eleana interrupted her mother’s rant. She was expecting everything her mother was saying, but didn’t think her uncle would have anything to do with this.

“When he found out where you have been, and who you had been with, he was sick to his stomach. He would only let Mor in to console him. Not even Rhys!” She snapped.

Eleana was confused. She didn’t understand why Azriel would have that kind of reaction. Sure, he worried about her a lot, but never to this extent. “Why?” She wanted clarification. She hated that she had made him feel that way, even if she didn’t understand why he may.

“Do you even know who those Illyrians were?” Rhys asked her. “I was the one who had to tell Az where you were, when we thought you were safe with Felix and the Elite. He was physically ill, worse than I’ve ever seen him. I had to help him sit down after he nearly fainted. And that was before he threw up.”

“Why would he care who I was with?”

“Because you were with his nephews.” Rhys hurled.

“I told you, Felix wasn’t there!” She growled back.

“I wasn’t talking about Felix! Those males you hurt are the sons of his brother.  The one who did those awful things to him as a child. From the reputation they’ve garnered for themselves they seem to be just as ruthless. Why do you keep putting yourself in situations like this? Are you rebelling? Is there something wrong that you’re not telling us?”

Eleana couldn’t answer him. Of all the reasons for Azriel to be upset, all the things that he could’ve said, not this. Never this. Because if the males she attacked were Azriel’s nephews, then that would mean Kaden was too.

And it would mean Kaden still had family.

Eleana leaned over and buried her face in her hands – tears of relief cascading down her cheeks.

Both her parents rushed forward, never too angry to not want to help their child when she was upset. They both put their arms around her, and Rhys smoothed her hair and shushed her.

“Please don’t cry, butterfly. This is just out of line, and we worry about you so much already without you lying to us.”

The words her father was saying were barely registering with her. Her cried turned into quick gasps, and she needed to calm the hell down. She was just so happy.

“I need to talk to Az.” She sobbed.

Feyre and Rhys looked at each other – Rhys nodding his head and helping Eleana stand. “I think that would be a good idea. He’s beside himself, and I think seeing you would make him feel better.”

She hugged both her parents, but they stopped her when she tried to leave. “This isn’t over, Laya.” Her mother told her. “There will be repercussions for your actions, and you know we hate punishing you but this is something that has to be done.”

“What are you going to do?” She asked them.

“We’ll tell you after you see Az. Come home soon.” Feyre’s words put an unsettled feeling in her stomach, but she would push that aside for later. Right now, she needed to speak to her uncle.

_____

When Felix arrived home, he was met with the sight of his heavily pregnant mother. When she saw him, her nostrils flared in anger and she waddled up to him and his father. “Where have you three been? I’ve been waiting for at least an hour!”

Felix tried not laugh at her appearance. She didn’t fit into any of her clothes anymore, so she had taken to stealing his fathers at any possible moment. Right now, she was wearing a green shirt that was so big on her it could have been a dress, and a pair of her own white, knit leggings. She was also wearing fluffy slippers that matched a pair that Quathryn owned, and her hair was in utter disarray. Her cheeks were also tear-stained, and Felix just wanted to give her a hug.

She walked up and bent down as far as she could so she could kiss Quathryn. Quathryn, having gotten used to this by now, stood on the tips of her toes and puckered her lips to meet Nesta. “Look at my little girl. So much better behaved than the males in our house.” Nesta praised her.

When she walked to Felix, he held out his hands to hug her but she hit him on the head instead. “You pull shit like that again and I will kill you myself. How dare you put us all in that kind of stress. Did you father tell you about the Elite?”

Felix cringed and nodded. “We mutually decided that it was a bad idea, and that taking away the Elite would be pointless.”

Nesta raised a single eyebrow, and turned towards Cassian. She went to smack him in the head too, but he caught her hand and kissed her palm. “I missed you.”

“Don’t avoid the topic at hand. And you were only gone for an hour.”

Cassian ignored what she said so he could kiss her baby bump, both hands smoothing over the swollen belly lovingly. “See? Only an hour. I still missed you though.”

“You’re insufferable.”

Felix didn’t think she actually believed his father was insufferable. Felix didn’t usually lean down and kiss the people he thought that of, and then push his back against their chest so they can wrap their arms around him in an embrace. But maybe that was one of the ways Felix differed from his mother.

Felix bent down and picked up Quathryn, taking her to the kitchen so she could pick out any snack she wanted. She was deliberating between blueberry scones and apricot tarts when Felix heard his front door bang open and a sword being drawn.

He gave Quathryn both sweets and tucked her into one of his empty cupboards, and drew a dagger he’d had strapped at his thigh. He left the kitchen to see what was happening, only to roll his eyes at the scene in front of him. Kaden had backed himself against a wall with his hands raised in surrender, and his father had his sword at Kaden’s heart.

“How did you get past the wards on this house? If you think I’ll believe Felix let you, you’re wrong. He only lets family have free pass-”

“Lower your sword.” Felix scoffed. “It’s just Kaden, and he can come and go as he pleases.” His father turned to him and did as Felix asked. “Kaden, would you mind getting my sister? I put her in the cupboard when I heard the commotion.”

Kaden nodded and left the family be. Nesta was behind the couch – watching the scene unfold with curiosity.

“You can’t go around stabbing people that come into my house.” Felix chastised.

“He just burst in here!”

“Good. That means we’re making progress, and I’m sick of him always knocking.”

Kaden came back out with Quathryn – still nibbling away at her scone and tart. “I’m sorry for the intrusion Lady Nesta and General Cassian. I’ll be on my way now.” He handed Quathryn to Felix and she pouted at him in return.

“Oh no you don’t.” Felix grabbed Kaden by the back of the shirt and made him stay where he was. Quathryn must have agreed with his decision, because she too reached out with her little hand and grabbed Kaden’s shirt. “Father, mother, this is Kaden. He’s in the first row, and he’s also my best friend. He’s twenty years old and enjoys long walks on the beach and sunsets. Now that we’re all well acquainted, why don’t we all have dinner?”

Nesta glanced an appreciate eye up and down Kaden, and Cassian scowled at her. She shrugged her shoulders and came around to them to properly introduce herself.

______

When Eleana arrived at Azriel and Mor’s, night was just beginning to fall. Their house made of an ocean of greenery reflected the yellow and pinks of the sky and sun – making the whole place gleam like a rare gem.

She was so excited to tell Azriel what she had discovered, and she genuinely thought that he would be too. He liked Kaden a lot, most people did, and now they could act like a proper family.

She just wanted them all to be happy – Kaden especially. The night she had just spent with him…

She felt a giddy rush go through her. She would get to spend her whole life like that once Kaden was ready to be with her, and if he had a family member who was encouraging and helped him deal with his childhood, he would be even closer to taking that step. Azriel had suffered a similar fate to Kaden at the hands of their family, and had since come to peace with it. It took him hundreds of years, but that was because no one really understood what he went through and how to help him. Az would know exactly how to help Kaden.

A whole life of him running his hand down her back just to remind her he was still there. A whole life of random kisses to her neck. A whole life of staying up hours into the night talking, him holding her close, skin to skin.

She went to the door, far too impatient to knock, and burst in. She’s kind of making a habit of it, but situations like this called for it.

“What?” She heard Mor snap. Her aunt came rushing down the stairs, a furious look on her face, but stopped short when she saw Eleana. “Eleana, it’s you.” She sighed in relief. Her aunt walked up to her and hugged her.

“I need to speak to Az. I found out something huge, Mor. You’ll never believe it.” Eleana smiled.

Mor nodded and pulled her up the stairs. “I’m so glad you’re here, Eleana. He’s been so worried. I thought you were Cassian – I’ve had to tell him to stay away. Az was just inconsolable and needed some space, but I think you’re the perfect person to make him feel better.”

Mor took Eleana to her study, and Eleana could see shadows dancing under the door. Mor opened the door, and Azriel stood from his position behind the desk to meet her. When his eyes met him Eleana’s, his body slumped in relief and he grabbed her to him in a tight hug.

“Laya, you’re safe.” He breathed.

“Of course I am. You don’t have to worry about me like this.” She hugged him back, and could feel him shaking slightly. “I need to tell you something though – such wonderful news!” She pulled herself back and gestured for Az and Mor to both sit. When they did, she clasped her hands in front of her like she was about to give a presentation.

“Well, Laya?” Mor prodded.

“As you both know, I am in serious trouble with my parents because I lied and told them I was with Felix, when really, I ditched and went to a wedding near Cesere, with some questionable people.”

Azriel made a choking sound in his throat. “I am aware.” He groaned.

“Uncle Az, I had no idea the way I had upset you until my father told me, and I felt awful. But I also didn’t understand – not until I was told that the males I punished were your ne-”

“Don’t call them that, Laya. I have no attachment to that part of my family.”

She looked at him sympathetically. “I know, but maybe you don’t.” Mor and Azriel gave each other a strange look, and Eleana continued. “The only reason I was at the wedding is because Kaden invited me. The reason I attacked those males, was because they had hurt him first. And it’s not the first time either,” Although the dire topic, Eleana had a wide smile on her face. “Because they are his brothers. The ones who hurt him so badly as a child. And if they’re his brothers, and those males are the sons of your brother, that means…” Eleana couldn’t finish her sentence – leaving them to put the pieces together themselves. She clapped her hands and shimmied her shoulders in pure excitement.

She expected there to be shock on their faces, a little surprise, but they both just seemed grim.

“This is great!” Eleana tried to hype them. “Now both you and Kaden have more than just the family you’ve made for yourselves! There’s nothing wrong with that, but now he won’t feel so alone. He doesn’t get it like you do Az. He needs you.”

Az and Mor looked at each other, and both stayed silent.

“Aren’t you happy?” She asked them. She knew they were both very good at concealing their emotions, but she didn’t think a time like this would make them choose to do so. She was expecting happy hugs before flying to the camp together, a heartfelt confession to Kaden, not to be on the receiving end of their poker faces.

Then she realised, as Mor and Az looked at each other again, it’s not that they were hiding their surprise, it’s that they didn’t feel any.

She looked away from them, not knowing what to think. “You already knew.”

“We did.” They told the truth.

“For how long?”

“I knew as soon as I saw him for the first time, on the day you were taken.” Az confessed.

Eleana stumbled back slightly, having to right herself by sitting down on a stool in the corner.

“That was months ago.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she pinched the bridge of her nose, trying not to cry. “Why?”

Azriel didn’t move, but Mor had so she could place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“The truth is, Eleana, that I don’t have to explain the decisions I make to you or anyone else. I hope you respect my choice and don’t tell-”

“Fuck you.” She growled at him.

“Eleana!” Mor barked.

“How can you condone this?! Kaden is all alone, all he’s ever been is alone! I don’t need to ask you if you can relate in any way, or if you know what that feels like, because we all know you do! Both of you know what it’s like to be ostracized from the people who are meant to love you unconditionally, and yet you don’t tell him? Why? Please, explain this to me or I will just think the worst. Maybe if he was an ass, then I would understand. But he’s kind, and lovely, and pure, and he deserves more than just what Felix and I can give him.”

All Eleana could think about was the previous night, when she’d been in his arms and he’d told her exactly what had happened to him as a child. He was six when it became really bad, when the things his brothers did started to leave scars. She could still feel his tears on her skin as he cried into her neck, and the feel of her lips on his as she showed him how much he meant to her.

Azriel looked straight through her, hands clenched and jaw set. His face had paled and Mor was trying to get him to look at her, whispering to him so Eleana couldn’t hear.

“Are you going to answer me?”

Azriel shook his head.

“I tell you everything,” she murmured. “And I know that it’s different, because I’m just a child in your eyes, and you’re the adult. I just thought that I had earned at least enough respect to get honesty from you.”

“Eleana, I think maybe you should go home.” Mor smoothed back Azriel’s hair – the male still staring vacantly ahead. “There are some things you’re too young to understand.”

Eleana stood, and tried to brush out invisible wrinkles form her clothes. She walked to the open door, and stepped from the room. Just as she was about to close it, she spoke once again. “I thought you cared about us more than that. You haven’t just been lying to Kaden, but also to Felix and I.” Her hand shook as she put it on the handle, and she couldn’t bear looking at them. She opened her mouth to say something else, something that would hurt him as much as he’d hurt her, but she closed it with resignation. There was no point and she still loved him, and Mor was right.

She didn’t understand.

_____

Eleana winnowed to the camp and made her way to Kaden’s tent. He wasn’t there, so the next best assumption was Felix’s.

As she approached his house, she could tell from the loud sounds of laughter within that Kaden was there. She could see Cassian, Nesta, and Quathryn on the balcony bidding their goodbyes to Felix and Kaden, and Eleana’s first thought was at least one of my uncles want him.

She saw Cas put him an arm around Nesta, the other holding Quathryn firmly on his hip as he winnowed them away. Felix and Kaden went back inside, and Eleana waited a few minutes before entering herself. She could tell that Kaden was buoyant, and she wanted that to last as long as possible. She also knew, though, that she needed to tell Kaden what she had learnt, and it would be better if Felix was there to help support him.

She released a shaky breath, and walked to the front door, gingerly knocking on it until a radiant Felix opened it.

“Eleana!” He pulled her inside. “I’m surprised to see you. I thought you’d have been banished to the ends of Prythian to live in solitary confinement until the age of fifty.”

“What would you do if I told you my mother and father had no idea I was here?”

“I would approve, and deny being involved for the rest of my living years.” He picked up a tart and offered it to her, but she politely declined.

“Where’s Kaden?”

“He’s in the bathroom washing up. Quathryn felt the need to decorate him with icing, and then my mother very inappropriately joined in. Missing him already?” Felix teased.

“I found something out, Felix, and I have to tell him but he’ll need you there to support him.”

Felix turned solemn, and nodded. “Anything you need.”

They talked for a bit – Felix told Eleana this ludicrous story about how Cassian nearly took away the Elite, and Eleana told him about how her parents were furious to the point where they barely even noticed what she was doing.

Eleana was mid-sentence when Kaden came out of the bathroom. Shirtless. She had to refrain herself from pouncing on him. His face broke in a smile when he saw her, and he instantly walked over to embrace her. He held her so tight he lifted her from the ground, and her arms were just as firm around him. He touched their foreheads together, and she closed her eyes – content to stay like this.

“Hello,” He lowered her to the ground, but didn’t make any distance between them.

“Hello,” She moved her head so it could rest on his shoulder. She was tired, and she was scared about how he would react to what she was about to tell him. “I have to tell you something.”

He leaned his head on hers. “Yes?”

She finally moved away, but held his hands so she could make him sit down. She led him to the couch, and when he sat - a bemused look on his face - she knelt in front of him and pressed her lips to his knuckles. “Do you remember what I told you yesterday?” That she loved him.

“Every word.”

“Then before I tell you this I need you to remember that, and you need to remember that Felix is here as well.” Speaking of, he sat down next to his friend, just as confused but ready to be a helping hand.

“You’re worrying me.” Kaden told her.

She kissed his hands again, and then told her story. “My parents were furious when they learned I went to the wedding – don’t interrupt, okay? Just let me tell it. The reason they were so mad was less because of what I’d done by lying to them, and more about the Illyrians I was with. Azriel,” a lump formed in her throat at the name. “Azriel was beside himself, and I didn’t know why. My parents then explained to me that it was because the people I was with were his estranged family. That the males I attacked-” she squeezed his hands again, and then moved one of her own to stroke his cheek, “that the males I attacked were the sons of his brother. Azriel doesn’t like to call them his nephews, but that’s technically what they are.”

Kaden looked at Felix, her cousin looking right back at his with the same expression of shock. In unison, they let out of whoop of joy – standing and jumping up and down together.

“Holy shit!” Felix shouted.

“Do you think Cas can give me permission to go to Velaris? We must tell him! We need to tell Az right now!” The two males jumped into a hug, spinning each other around like children.

Eleana’s heart broke with their elation, and she remained kneeling on the floor – tears stinging in her eyes once more.

“You’re Az’s nephew! You’re on a nick-name basis with my father! Both are weird and yet I am very happy!” Felix cheered.

“We’re just like brothers!” Kaden and Felix were wrapped around each other, swaying back and forth.

“Let’s go right now. Fuck getting permission, Az will get us off the hook. Eleana? You coming?”

They both looked at her, finally, and let go of each other and their joy when they saw her despair.

“Eleana?” Kaden came to his knees beside her, putting his thumb to her lips when he saw them trembling.

“You can’t go to Velaris.” Her voice broke.

“Why?” Felix asked. He pulled them both up, and made them sit on the couch rather than kneeling. Kaden and Eleana were faced towards each other, knees touching, and Felix stood in front of them.

“Because Azriel already knows. He has for months.” The tears that had been itching at her eyes since she found out fell when she saw Kaden’s face change. It went from pure exhilaration, to stony in a second. She’d seen that expression before, he was trying not to cry.

“Oh. I see.”

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered.

Felix’s mouth hung open, too stunned to say anything.

“Don’t be sorry, Eleana. It is what it is.” He cleared his throat and turned so he could poke Felix in the stomach. “Get that look off your face – I’m supposed to be the one who can’t keep his emotions in check.” His joke fell flat, and his voice wavered with every word.

“I don’t know why.” She offered to him. What else could she say? It was the complete truth – she didn’t know why Azriel acted this way, why he had deceived them for so long.

“Please don’t waste your tears on me.” He leaned forward and kissed away the tears on her cheeks.

“It’s okay to be upset by this.” Felix said in a low voice with a deep frown on his face.

“No, please. Neither of you need to be troubled by this.” His words were false, and he knew it. Eleana did too, and that’s why she crawled into his lap. They weren’t together, but she’ll be damned if she let him deal with this on his own.

“It isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I want to be troubled, I want to worry.”

“Please, please, don’t. I-I know I can’t explain it to you, but this isn’t something I’m u-unaccustomed to. No one in my family has ever – you two are the first to ever want me.” His face finally crumpled, and Eleana felt a sob tear through him. “He knows me,” Kaden turned to Felix, the latter with a hand over his face trying to conceal his own tears. “H-he knows me and he still – he still – Cauldron, he knows everything about me and he still doesn’t-” Kaden gritted his teeth as he cried, his emotion so thick that he could no longer form a coherent sentence.

His hands moved to her waist, and he took her in his arms as firmly as he could, every possible inch that could be touching was. He was quivering, and so very vulnerable, and she didn’t know what to do.

He looked up at her and Felix – all three’s faces stained from tears. “I thought he – I thought I could look up to him, and when he distanced himself from me I thought it was because I came on too strong, and I-I scared him away. I thought, so stupidly, that this is a male I can impress, who might look at me one day and be proud. Do you think that when he looks at me, he sees my father? That when he looks at the scars on his hands, he thinks of me? And Lady Morrigan… I thought she respected me as a solider, and she didn’t look down on me because of my,” Kaden looked around, the glassy sheen he got when he used his magic coating his eyes, “because of my affliction.”

“You can’t think like that, Kaden. Whatever his reasoning here-”

“I’m so embarrassed, Felix.” Kaden interrupted his friend. “Everything I thought was wrong.” He sniffled loudly and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I need to go back to my tent - sleep this off.”

“Not a chance.” Felix asserted. “I don’t care if you sleep in your room, or my room, or the bloody couch, but you are staying here with me tonight.”

The two stared at each other, and eventually Kaden nodded in agreement. “Will you stay too?” He asked Eleana.

“Mother knows I wish I could, but my parents will look everywhere for me once they realise I’m not in Velaris-”

“You can stay.” Felix moved away from them, trying to subtlety wipe his eyes. “I’ll ward the house, and I’ve had to hide things enough times that it’s honestly one of my best skills. They’ll never know you’re here, and if they question if someone else if residing here, I’ll just get my mother to tell them about my dear friend Kaden. Quathryn will vouch too.” He tried to lighten the tone.

Without another word, the three, very exhausted, fae-Illyrians retired to their rooms. Felix took his, and Kaden and Eleana slept in the room Felix had always kept waiting for Kaden. All three were vulnerable on their own, strong enough to deal with this together.

[ecotone99]

In the pines

Unfinished short story me and two friends are working on. We have never done anything like this want some feedback or help from more experienced writers.

Zachariah entry 1:

I’m gonna try to make what may be the last gather mission from the base, for liquor and ammunition. Lord knows, we will need both. We’ve already been rationing out the wild game as sparingly as possible. We hope to receive word tomorrow from General Lee regarding our next movements.

Silas may succumb to dysentery, poor fella, I told him not to drink from that stale creek because we are fresh out of shit paper. Who knows how long he will make it....

Alec entry 1:

To whom it may concern: Zachariah, Silas, Wyatt, and myself drew straws to see who would make the supply run. Turns out I’m not as lucky as my Mary belle once thought. I am writing this because I fear it may be the last time I can get this off my chest before we all soon catch what many are calling “the whooping willy”. I have slipped into a dark void and have been slowly poisoning the rest of the crew without their knowledge. I don’t know what has come over me but I have never felt so much joy and pure ecstasy in my life. I am actually glad I drew the short straw because it will prove easier to poison zachariah, Wyatt and Silas all the easier. If I make it back I will write again.

Zachariah entry 2:

To those who may come after:

I have a grave sense that brother Alec has taken a turn, towards Satan. He enjoys the nightly fires more and more, he doesn’t eat, and barely gets any sleep. He just walks through the forest at night babbling and laughing amongst the pines. I was cautious on the nigh of last when he brewed the coffee, smirking while Silas and Wyatt drank up. While it’s not known to all, I do not drink coffee, I just enjoy the feel of the steeped brew upon my face as I hold the cup close. Breathe in the warm robust coco fragrances, I find myself at peace.

Cautious I am, very cautious of Alec.

Alec entry 3:

For reassurance: I made it back to camp in one piece but I’m afraid Zachariah is on to me. The poison in his coffee seems to have no effect on him. He stares at me as if I’m a stranger even though we have known each other for quite some time. He looks at me like I’ve gone mad, I’ve been going on long walks with Mary belle in the woods but he claims Mary belle passed a fortnight ago. I know she’s there! She has to be how else would I know that Silas and Wyatt are planning on betraying me. It was her idea after all to start poisoning them! Mary Belle knows best she always has. She’s real. I know she’s real.

Zachariah entry 3:

Day 9:

As we approach what seems like an eternity, Day 14 isn’t so far off, or is it? We have remained together isolated in this vast loblolly pine forest. The hunting excursions produce less and less game each day. Are we depleting the resources we once knew to be surplus? I fear the coyotes have gotten wind of our fresh quail harvests, establishing a pack to hunt what is left. Could we be next? Silas and Wyatt have taken a terrible turn, alas, they will be nothing but table fare for those who gain the trail of our scent. Alec has grown a deep paranoia for myself as I always watch his moves carefully. This very well could be my last transmission should all the Wild Dogs get to me first.

Alec entry 4:

Day 12?

With each passing day I fear I may be losing my wits. My walks with Mary belle are becoming longer but I am beginning to think she is nothing more than a mere hallucination. The evidence of my insanity is becoming clearer and clearer in my eyes and of the crew. But what do I care, they are the ones who will suffer HA HA. Silas and Wyatt are on the verge of death and have never looked more appetizing. MAry belle said it would not be wise to eat unhealthy men but what does she know she isn’t even real! Strong willed Men can last 30 days without food but I crave to be a satisfied man instead. I don’t want to become a cannibal but I need something to alleviate the hunger. Maybe just a piece of the thigh! He won’t even notice if i am Quick about it. Zachariah even has a good family seasoning stored in his nap sack. I just can’t let him see he is not as open minded as I.

Cam entry 1:

Journal entry 1:

I don’t know how many days have gone by since the last contact with civilization. A week, two months, maybe even a year...at this point the days seem to blend with each other. every day the walls start to get closer and closer while I sit and stare into a never ending Tree line. My mind is breaking as I continue to grow weaker and weaker. Went down to the river around dawn (i think) today to harvest a meal when I noticed smoke over the horizon pouring into the sky. The voices in my mind tell me I shouldn’t but Deep down in my gut I know I must travel towards it. It’s my guiding light, the savior, the North Star telling me to follow... to warmth, safety... human contact. I return to the hunt, gather my wares and set off for the smoke

Zach entry 4:

Day 14:

As I sit by this fire; under the incandescent stars, I cannot help but to question, why is it that we are seeing with our own eyes, these troublesome affairs? My dear friends, Silas and Wyatt, lost their battle with what we believe to be Whopping Willy. They were both great men, friends, and soldiers. I do not know how I will bare having to write dear Sarah Anne and Ada Mae in regard to the passing of their beloved husbands. I plan to give them the proper burial at dawn. I have my thoughts on this wretched disease. Something so strange and so destructive, could NOT come from these here States of America. Perhaps a foreign invader has come to see the end of the world that is it to the West. I ask to my Lord above, “I hope you can provide us solution to this issue and that you ease my troubled mind for a nights rest”. I must get some sleep for my mind and body are beginning to slow like molasses on a frozen January morn. I shall return to write in a few days, hopeful that I make it until then.

Alec entry 5

Journal:

Journal:

Zachariah wouldn’t even look me in the eyes anymore. I didn’t blame him though. He did bare witness to me eating Wyatts rotting flesh throughout the night. But at last the hunger was gone. Mary belle said I shouldn’t eat meat infested with maggots but I thought they supplied a good seasoning HA HA especially with zachariahs bbq rub.

We had kept the fire all through the night and our days were spent mostly squabbling and drinking whatever bourbon and ale we had left. Sometime that afternoon we heard the crackling of sticks in the woods nearby. Mary belle! I thought. I knew it was her who else it could be. I took off into the woods

Cameron entry:

I don’t know how many days have gone by since the last contact with civilization. A week, two months, maybe even a year...at this point the days seem to blend with each other. every day the walls start to get closer and closer while I sit and stare into a never ending Tree line. My mind is breaking as I continue to grow weaker and weaker. Went down to the river around dawn (i think) today to harvest a meal when I noticed smoke over the horizon pouring into the sky. The voices in my mind tell me I shouldn’t but Deep down in my gut I know I must travel towards it. It’s my guiding light, the savior, the North Star telling me to follow... to warmth, safety... human contact. I return to the hunt, gather my wares and set off for the smoke.

Zach entry:

Day 14:

As I sit by this fire; under the incandescent stars, I cannot help but to question, why it is that we are seeing with our own eyes, these troublesome affairs? My dear friends, Silas and Wyatt, lost their battle with what we believe to be Whopping Willy. They were both great men, friends, and soldiers. I do not know how I will bare having to write dear Sarah Anne and Ada Mae in regard to the passing of their beloved husbands. I plan to give them the proper burial at dawn. I have my thoughts on this wretched disease. Something so strange and so destructive, could NOT come from these here States of America. Perhaps a foreign invader has come to see the end of the world that is it to the West. I ask to my Lord above, “I hope you can provide us solution to this issue and that you ease my troubled mind for a nights rest”. I must get some sleep for my mind and body are beginning to slow like molasses on a frozen January morn. I shall return to write in a few days, hopeful that I make it until then.

Alec entry:

Another Journal:

Zachariah wouldn’t even look me in the eyes anymore. I didn’t blame him though. He did bare witness to me eating Wyatts rotting flesh throughout the night. But at last the hunger was gone. Mary belle said I shouldn’t eat meat infested with maggots but I thought they supplied a good seasoning HA HA especially with zachariahs bbq rub. We had kept the fire all through the night and our days were spent mostly squabbling and drinking whatever bourbon and ale we had left. Sometime that afternoon we heard the crackling of sticks in the woods nearby. Mary belle! I thought. I knew it was her who else it could be. I took off into the woods.

Alec entry:

Another Journal Entry: As I crept into the woods I finally laid my eyes upon what was making the disturbance in the shrubbery. It was a man, a young man probably doesn't even remember the storm of 63. He was of short stature and didn’t look to weigh anymore than a hay bail. Who could he be? Our rescue? Or an enemy soldier? Could he have the whooping willys? I knew I had to keep my distance while remaining unseen. He was slowly approaching our camp with his long rifle shouldered (looked about the size of him). As we looked upon the man i couldnt help but wonder what he might taste like, Wyatt was three days dead when i ate him this looks like fresh meat ( I feel ashamed of this but my mouth began to water like a leaky faucet. Am I becoming a cannibal?) I told mary belle to shutup but I must have been too loud as the man unshouldered is rifle spotting me immediately. God damn you mary bellle and your fucking yapping. Woman could never keep her mouth shut. He told us to come on out now before theres any trouble “Ole cameron is the sharpest shooter on this side of the missouri”, I told him me and mary belle didnt mean no harm we just havent seen good folk in a while. He looked at me as if I was crazy everytime me and mary belle would engage eachother in our squibbling and our squabbling. I needed to get him into camp without sounding suspicous I had to tell him about Zachariah losing his mind in the woods and eating Wyatt, hes gone stir crazy you see he is a violent man with the devil in his eyes. ( i know mama raised me not to lie but the devil runs through my veinsnow he speaks for me. I am beginning to lose track of who I really am.) The young man seemed to believe me so i began to lead him back to camp and to that loon waiting by the fire HAHA. The Always waiting, always thinking, always plotting...Zachariah.

Zach entry:

Day 15:

I woke this morn to a fresh frost lain upon my blanket, the fire still slowly burning as I stretched my legs and wiped my frothed eyelids. Today is the day I’ve dreaded for 20 years of my life, the day whist I must lay my dear friend Wyatt to rest. May his soul be found in the everlasting as his body now just a cold heep of flesh. As I clothe and properly prepare for the nip of the cool air, I hear something in the distance. Thinking it was the pack of Yotes returning to devour Wyatts corpse, I grab my rifle and head out to move this burial along. When I reached Wyatt’s cold limp body, something tragic occurred. He had already been picked apart like the last chicken leg in the slave quarters!!!! What CREATURE could have done such?! Vultures? YOTES!? I felt a sickness come upon me, a nausea into my stomach. I spewed like a hot pot of roasting Joe, last nights meal all upon the cold ground. I am distraught as I cannot give my dear friend the respectful and proper burial he needs. Alec is nowhere to be found... he has gone mad, I can since it. Perhaps, upon his return I shall inquire more about the animalistic way in which Wyatt’s body was disposed.. I hope I write soon.. until then..

Cam entry:

While I wander into the Wilderness, I began to grow weary as the wind was throwing the smoke of a fire into different directions. Sending me into a confusion i haven’t felt in many years and a sense of a aimless wonder. But wait....what was that? I noise coming from a bush of twigs and berries...I yelled at the creature and pointed my rifle towards the disturbance. A millions thoughts poured into my heads as I wondered what could this be...to my surprise a man. A short man with a bulldog like physic, with tombstones for eyes, his hands shook and he talked as though there was two or three people around. His words were not entirely English but he had a way with them as his forked tongue could twist and turn them into sentences. Cuts all around his hands and feet and a sense of mind lost inside him...bye bye land. He looked barely alive but yet looked as though he had a proper meal...my suspicion of him grew. He invited me to come to his camp and set up shop there. As much as I ran the thought in my head of denying this man I knew he could be useful...for now. I followed suit with him to the “camp” as I figured this was where the smoke in the sky had made its home. I gripped my rifle tighter and tighter as we walked through the thicket, headed for an uncertain future but the only future worth taking... I must continue on.

Alec Entry:

As Mary Belle, Cameron, and myself emerged from the woods and into the sunlight I couldn't help but feel a sense of euphoria rush through my veins like mercury rising in a thermostat. I looked towards camp, noticing a cross made from two oak twigs on top a hill of freshly dug soil. I knew Zachariah had buried Wyatt, a friend we both once knew. Mary belle was worried my actions may have been discovered by our nosey friend. But Zachariah did not suspect any the wiser upon our arrival. Cameron introduced himself as a lonely traveller simply looking for companionship and a warm meal. (I intend on making him my warm meal HAHA). Zachariah was suspicious of this newcomer; he never trusts new comers, he hardly trusts me that ignorant fool. I'll eat both of them if I get a chance. What am I saying, I can't eat these people am I as crazy as they think I am. Coffee Coffee I need hot coffee!

Zach Entry:

Day 15 (cont..)

It is not normal that I double my entries in my dear journal, but today I have no choice. As I prepared Wyatts resting place in the cold damp crust of the Earth, I was interrupted by a loud laughter. Appeared unto my eyes were not 1, but 2 able bodies, trouncing through the pines towards camp. I quickly grabbed my rifle as I did not know if it were friend or foe. It was Alec, and a stranger. I gazed upon them to find the craziest look in Alec’s eye as he introduced his new “friend”. The young buck went by the name of Cameron. From the Ozark Mountains in Show Me state of Missorrrruh. This BOY could not be older than 19. Fresh from his mother's tit, I could still see the milk on his lower lip. This boy held onto his rifle tighter than Alec used to hold his dear Mary Belle, may she rest in peace. Cameron couldn't really tell us how or why he was rambling around through the forest, which raised my suspicions of him. Alec took him into camp as if this stranger was one of us, what fool Alec! We DO NOT KNOW THIS CHILD! Nevertheless, I continued to strike the soil, digging a proper hole to bury Wyatt. The day has grown old and night is shortly upon us. Perhaps with that rifle he clings to, Cameron has a steady and accurate hand, we need more meat. I think I will inquire to the young fella that we should embark on a hunting expedition as the evening falls, I shall get to know who Cameron really is. Lord, keep me safe during these uncertain times. Until I write again..

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[ecotone99]

[MS] In the Pines

Me and two friends made a short story complied of our individual journal entries. It’s unfinished and our first time writing outside of school let me know What y’all think.

Zachariah entry 1:

I’m gonna try to make what may be the last gather mission from the base, for liquor and ammunition. Lord knows, we will need both. We’ve already been rationing out the wild game as sparingly as possible. We hope to receive word tomorrow from General Lee regarding our next movements.

Silas may succumb to dysentery, poor fella, I told him not to drink from that stale creek because we are fresh out of shit paper. Who knows how long he will make it....

Alec entry 1:

To whom it may concern: Zachariah, Silas, Wyatt, and myself drew straws to see who would make the supply run. Turns out I’m not as lucky as my Mary belle once thought. I am writing this because I fear it may be the last time I can get this off my chest before we all soon catch what many are calling “the whooping willy”. I have slipped into a dark void and have been slowly poisoning the rest of the crew without their knowledge. I don’t know what has come over me but I have never felt so much joy and pure ecstasy in my life. I am actually glad I drew the short straw because it will prove easier to poison zachariah, Wyatt and Silas all the easier. If I make it back I will write again.

Zachariah entry 2:

To those who may come after:

I have a grave sense that brother Alec has taken a turn, towards Satan. He enjoys the nightly fires more and more, he doesn’t eat, and barely gets any sleep. He just walks through the forest at night babbling and laughing amongst the pines. I was cautious on the nigh of last when he brewed the coffee, smirking while Silas and Wyatt drank up. While it’s not known to all, I do not drink coffee, I just enjoy the feel of the steeped brew upon my face as I hold the cup close. Breathe in the warm robust coco fragrances, I find myself at peace.

Cautious I am, very cautious of Alec.

Alec entry 3:

For reassurance: I made it back to camp in one piece but I’m afraid Zachariah is on to me. The poison in his coffee seems to have no effect on him. He stares at me as if I’m a stranger even though we have known each other for quite some time. He looks at me like I’ve gone mad, I’ve been going on long walks with Mary belle in the woods but he claims Mary belle passed a fortnight ago. I know she’s there! She has to be how else would I know that Silas and Wyatt are planning on betraying me. It was her idea after all to start poisoning them! Mary Belle knows best she always has. She’s real. I know she’s real.

Zachariah entry 3:

Day 9:

As we approach what seems like an eternity, Day 14 isn’t so far off, or is it? We have remained together isolated in this vast loblolly pine forest. The hunting excursions produce less and less game each day. Are we depleting the resources we once knew to be surplus? I fear the coyotes have gotten wind of our fresh quail harvests, establishing a pack to hunt what is left. Could we be next? Silas and Wyatt have taken a terrible turn, alas, they will be nothing but table fare for those who gain the trail of our scent. Alec has grown a deep paranoia for myself as I always watch his moves carefully. This very well could be my last transmission should all the Wild Dogs get to me first.

Alec entry 4:

Day 12?

With each passing day I fear I may be losing my wits. My walks with Mary belle are becoming longer but I am beginning to think she is nothing more than a mere hallucination. The evidence of my insanity is becoming clearer and clearer in my eyes and of the crew. But what do I care, they are the ones who will suffer HA HA. Silas and Wyatt are on the verge of death and have never looked more appetizing. MAry belle said it would not be wise to eat unhealthy men but what does she know she isn’t even real! Strong willed Men can last 30 days without food but I crave to be a satisfied man instead. I don’t want to become a cannibal but I need something to alleviate the hunger. Maybe just a piece of the thigh! He won’t even notice if i am Quick about it. Zachariah even has a good family seasoning stored in his nap sack. I just can’t let him see he is not as open minded as I.

Cam entry 1:

Journal entry 1:

I don’t know how many days have gone by since the last contact with civilization. A week, two months, maybe even a year...at this point the days seem to blend with each other. every day the walls start to get closer and closer while I sit and stare into a never ending Tree line. My mind is breaking as I continue to grow weaker and weaker. Went down to the river around dawn (i think) today to harvest a meal when I noticed smoke over the horizon pouring into the sky. The voices in my mind tell me I shouldn’t but Deep down in my gut I know I must travel towards it. It’s my guiding light, the savior, the North Star telling me to follow... to warmth, safety... human contact. I return to the hunt, gather my wares and set off for the smoke

Zach entry 4:

Day 14:

As I sit by this fire; under the incandescent stars, I cannot help but to question, why is it that we are seeing with our own eyes, these troublesome affairs? My dear friends, Silas and Wyatt, lost their battle with what we believe to be Whopping Willy. They were both great men, friends, and soldiers. I do not know how I will bare having to write dear Sarah Anne and Ada Mae in regard to the passing of their beloved husbands. I plan to give them the proper burial at dawn. I have my thoughts on this wretched disease. Something so strange and so destructive, could NOT come from these here States of America. Perhaps a foreign invader has come to see the end of the world that is it to the West. I ask to my Lord above, “I hope you can provide us solution to this issue and that you ease my troubled mind for a nights rest”. I must get some sleep for my mind and body are beginning to slow like molasses on a frozen January morn. I shall return to write in a few days, hopeful that I make it until then.

Alec entry 5

Journal:

Journal:

Zachariah wouldn’t even look me in the eyes anymore. I didn’t blame him though. He did bare witness to me eating Wyatts rotting flesh throughout the night. But at last the hunger was gone. Mary belle said I shouldn’t eat meat infested with maggots but I thought they supplied a good seasoning HA HA especially with zachariahs bbq rub.

We had kept the fire all through the night and our days were spent mostly squabbling and drinking whatever bourbon and ale we had left. Sometime that afternoon we heard the crackling of sticks in the woods nearby. Mary belle! I thought. I knew it was her who else it could be. I took off into the woods

Cameron entry:

I don’t know how many days have gone by since the last contact with civilization. A week, two months, maybe even a year...at this point the days seem to blend with each other. every day the walls start to get closer and closer while I sit and stare into a never ending Tree line. My mind is breaking as I continue to grow weaker and weaker. Went down to the river around dawn (i think) today to harvest a meal when I noticed smoke over the horizon pouring into the sky. The voices in my mind tell me I shouldn’t but Deep down in my gut I know I must travel towards it. It’s my guiding light, the savior, the North Star telling me to follow... to warmth, safety... human contact. I return to the hunt, gather my wares and set off for the smoke.

Zach entry:

Day 14:

As I sit by this fire; under the incandescent stars, I cannot help but to question, why it is that we are seeing with our own eyes, these troublesome affairs? My dear friends, Silas and Wyatt, lost their battle with what we believe to be Whopping Willy. They were both great men, friends, and soldiers. I do not know how I will bare having to write dear Sarah Anne and Ada Mae in regard to the passing of their beloved husbands. I plan to give them the proper burial at dawn. I have my thoughts on this wretched disease. Something so strange and so destructive, could NOT come from these here States of America. Perhaps a foreign invader has come to see the end of the world that is it to the West. I ask to my Lord above, “I hope you can provide us solution to this issue and that you ease my troubled mind for a nights rest”. I must get some sleep for my mind and body are beginning to slow like molasses on a frozen January morn. I shall return to write in a few days, hopeful that I make it until then.

Alec entry:

Another Journal:

Zachariah wouldn’t even look me in the eyes anymore. I didn’t blame him though. He did bare witness to me eating Wyatts rotting flesh throughout the night. But at last the hunger was gone. Mary belle said I shouldn’t eat meat infested with maggots but I thought they supplied a good seasoning HA HA especially with zachariahs bbq rub. We had kept the fire all through the night and our days were spent mostly squabbling and drinking whatever bourbon and ale we had left. Sometime that afternoon we heard the crackling of sticks in the woods nearby. Mary belle! I thought. I knew it was her who else it could be. I took off into the woods.

Alec entry:

Another Journal Entry: As I crept into the woods I finally laid my eyes upon what was making the disturbance in the shrubbery. It was a man, a young man probably doesn't even remember the storm of 63. He was of short stature and didn’t look to weigh anymore than a hay bail. Who could he be? Our rescue? Or an enemy soldier? Could he have the whooping willys? I knew I had to keep my distance while remaining unseen. He was slowly approaching our camp with his long rifle shouldered (looked about the size of him). As we looked upon the man i couldnt help but wonder what he might taste like, Wyatt was three days dead when i ate him this looks like fresh meat ( I feel ashamed of this but my mouth began to water like a leaky faucet. Am I becoming a cannibal?) I told mary belle to shutup but I must have been too loud as the man unshouldered is rifle spotting me immediately. God damn you mary bellle and your fucking yapping. Woman could never keep her mouth shut. He told us to come on out now before theres any trouble “Ole cameron is the sharpest shooter on this side of the missouri”, I told him me and mary belle didnt mean no harm we just havent seen good folk in a while. He looked at me as if I was crazy everytime me and mary belle would engage eachother in our squibbling and our squabbling. I needed to get him into camp without sounding suspicous I had to tell him about Zachariah losing his mind in the woods and eating Wyatt, hes gone stir crazy you see he is a violent man with the devil in his eyes. ( i know mama raised me not to lie but the devil runs through my veinsnow he speaks for me. I am beginning to lose track of who I really am.) The young man seemed to believe me so i began to lead him back to camp and to that loon waiting by the fire HAHA. The Always waiting, always thinking, always plotting...Zachariah.

Zach entry:

Day 15:

I woke this morn to a fresh frost lain upon my blanket, the fire still slowly burning as I stretched my legs and wiped my frothed eyelids. Today is the day I’ve dreaded for 20 years of my life, the day whist I must lay my dear friend Wyatt to rest. May his soul be found in the everlasting as his body now just a cold heep of flesh. As I clothe and properly prepare for the nip of the cool air, I hear something in the distance. Thinking it was the pack of Yotes returning to devour Wyatts corpse, I grab my rifle and head out to move this burial along. When I reached Wyatt’s cold limp body, something tragic occurred. He had already been picked apart like the last chicken leg in the slave quarters!!!! What CREATURE could have done such?! Vultures? YOTES!? I felt a sickness come upon me, a nausea into my stomach. I spewed like a hot pot of roasting Joe, last nights meal all upon the cold ground. I am distraught as I cannot give my dear friend the respectful and proper burial he needs. Alec is nowhere to be found... he has gone mad, I can since it. Perhaps, upon his return I shall inquire more about the animalistic way in which Wyatt’s body was disposed.. I hope I write soon.. until then..

Cam entry:

While I wander into the Wilderness, I began to grow weary as the wind was throwing the smoke of a fire into different directions. Sending me into a confusion i haven’t felt in many years and a sense of a aimless wonder. But wait....what was that? I noise coming from a bush of twigs and berries...I yelled at the creature and pointed my rifle towards the disturbance. A millions thoughts poured into my heads as I wondered what could this be...to my surprise a man. A short man with a bulldog like physic, with tombstones for eyes, his hands shook and he talked as though there was two or three people around. His words were not entirely English but he had a way with them as his forked tongue could twist and turn them into sentences. Cuts all around his hands and feet and a sense of mind lost inside him...bye bye land. He looked barely alive but yet looked as though he had a proper meal...my suspicion of him grew. He invited me to come to his camp and set up shop there. As much as I ran the thought in my head of denying this man I knew he could be useful...for now. I followed suit with him to the “camp” as I figured this was where the smoke in the sky had made its home. I gripped my rifle tighter and tighter as we walked through the thicket, headed for an uncertain future but the only future worth taking... I must continue on.

Alec Entry:

As Mary Belle, Cameron, and myself emerged from the woods and into the sunlight I couldn't help but feel a sense of euphoria rush through my veins like mercury rising in a thermostat. I looked towards camp, noticing a cross made from two oak twigs on top a hill of freshly dug soil. I knew Zachariah had buried Wyatt, a friend we both once knew. Mary belle was worried my actions may have been discovered by our nosey friend. But Zachariah did not suspect any the wiser upon our arrival. Cameron introduced himself as a lonely traveller simply looking for companionship and a warm meal. (I intend on making him my warm meal HAHA). Zachariah was suspicious of this newcomer; he never trusts new comers, he hardly trusts me that ignorant fool. I'll eat both of them if I get a chance. What am I saying, I can't eat these people am I as crazy as they think I am. Coffee Coffee I need hot coffee!

Zach Entry:

Day 15 (cont..)

It is not normal that I double my entries in my dear journal, but today I have no choice. As I prepared Wyatts resting place in the cold damp crust of the Earth, I was interrupted by a loud laughter. Appeared unto my eyes were not 1, but 2 able bodies, trouncing through the pines towards camp. I quickly grabbed my rifle as I did not know if it were friend or foe. It was Alec, and a stranger. I gazed upon them to find the craziest look in Alec’s eye as he introduced his new “friend”. The young buck went by the name of Cameron. From the Ozark Mountains in Show Me state of Missorrrruh. This BOY could not be older than 19. Fresh from his mother's tit, I could still see the milk on his lower lip. This boy held onto his rifle tighter than Alec used to hold his dear Mary Belle, may she rest in peace. Cameron couldn't really tell us how or why he was rambling around through the forest, which raised my suspicions of him. Alec took him into camp as if this stranger was one of us, what fool Alec! We DO NOT KNOW THIS CHILD! Nevertheless, I continued to strike the soil, digging a proper hole to bury Wyatt. The day has grown old and night is shortly upon us. Perhaps with that rifle he clings to, Cameron has a steady and accurate hand, we need more meat. I think I will inquire to the young fella that we should embark on a hunting expedition as the evening falls, I shall get to know who Cameron really is. Lord, keep me safe during these uncertain times. Until I write again..

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