#He looks Un-Fuckwithable

[monster-noises]

Trying to draw this mans Facial Topography from the front is like trying to Capture a fucking Tesseract.

I'm gunna start Biting why are you Like This who Did This To You (It's me, it's my fault he's like this)

Fuck it, Idris gets his own post. The Golden King of Crime is looking fucking Delicious and it's my sworn duty to make sure you all see him.

[cyoungblood95]

Album: Vol. 3…Life And Times of S. Carter

Release Date: Dec 28, 1999

Oddly enough, I remembered the day of this release without knowing it. The green Yankee coat and gray NY fitted were staples in my wardrobe on my daily SEPTA journeys. This album got HEAVY play in my Walkman, surpassing albums such as Rawkus Presents Soundbombing 2, Hot Boys- Guerilla Warfare, Mobb Deep- Murda Musik, Nas- I Am, DMX-And Then There Was X, Lil’ Wayne- The Block is Hot, and Ruff Ryders- Ryde or Die Volume 1. I struggle to keep track of time and what year things happen in, but when it comes to music I usually am spot on with the year.

On December 28, 2021 I woke up and instinctually put this album on as I felt the need to listen to it. This album is truly a gem, and in my opinion one of Jay-Z’s top 3 albums- at times I have felt that it was his best, other times I feel that the Blueprint holds that distinction. I have a strong connection to Volume 2 and the Black Album as well.

So what is it about Jay-Z that makes him widely considered one of the top hip-hop artists of all time? Does he have the best lyrics? The wittiest punchlines? The catchiest hooks? The most carefully crafted content? The hardest hitting beats? The answer to that question is yes and no at the same time. In my opinion, as a rap artist he embodies the meaning of the phrase “the complete package,” as he is the consummate rap artist. He has great production, and his approach to every song is calculated. By this, I mean that even the worst Jay-Z song has a memorable line, or something that the listener is compelled by or can deeply relate to. For instance, lines on The Blueprint like “gnarly dude, I puff Bob Marley dude / all day like Rastafari’s do” (guess the track) do not pack the lyrical punch that most wordsmiths would consider to be elite level lyricism, but it’s witty enough that u will crack a smile and laughingly repeat the line on queue. Nor is the line even true!!!

On the other end of the spectrum, when Jay is on his A (or even his B) game, his delivery, lyrics, and meticulousness on a track is unmatched. His oft times commercial approach to his music is a calculated business approach to appeal to a larger fan base, or, as Lupe Fiasco would say…Dumb it Down.

On Volume 3, released on December 28, 1999, Jay received some unwarranted backlash for the album being too commercial. Songs like Do It Again, Things That U Do (ft. Mariah Carey and a SUPER classic track by the way), Snoopy Track, Big Pimpin, and Is That Yo Bitch were largely frowned up by hip hop purists, as his attempts to garner commercial success drew criticism and ire amongst the hip-hop community. The amount of criticism and negativity that he has received throughout his career is baffling to me.

But in retrospect it’s easy to see why. Look no further than the opening two tracks of the album, Hova Song-Intro, and So Ghetto. Simply put, Hov talks that talk that people want to hear! He is cocky, confident in his abilities, brash, and outspoken. Lines like “Jigga the shit, even when he raps in third person / Hova the God, I should be rapping with a turban,” and “I spit that murder murder murderous, everytime a verbalist / Iller than verbal Kint is, or O-Dog in menace / I’m ill start to finish, I rip apart contenders….I’m hot,” let the listener know that Jay not only thinks, but knows that he is the best out. To put the icing on the cake, he ends the verse with a snicker, which is telling non-verbal way of telling the listener that he simply is un-fuckwithable when it comes to rapping. And damnit, love him or hate him, it undeniably true.

Dope Man is one of Jay-Z’s best tracks, EVER. The hard bass line is accompanied by even better lyrics. in the song, Jay-Z puts himself on trial for, you guessed it-murdering the rap game. Bars like “Right hand on the Bible, left hand in the air / before I spoke one word, made sure my throat was clear- AHEM,” and “blindfolded, expected to walk a straight line / mind molded, taught to love you and hate mine / f*ck the system, at lady justice I blaze nine,” will give the listener chills as Jay details his ascension in the rap game.

NYMP (New York Marcy Projects) is another classic track that samples “Life Can Be So Grand” by Brian and Brenda Russell. As opposed to Dope Man, this track sees Jay-Z more laid back (and less defensive) about his upbringing, as he delivers clever and impactful lyrics. Jay raps genius lines like “I’m so confrontational, they should’ve never let me go on probation, yo / I’m a hustler, accept that / no correctional facilities can correct that,” “between life and death / they killed my spirit,” and “teacher said I was a lost cause /cuz I used to roam them halls / still I spit knowledge / dropped out of high school, skipped college / who would’ve thought I’d make it “BIG” like Ms. Wallace.” In addition to the creativity and thoughtfulness displayed, Jay’s delivery is FLAWLESS.

Songs like Snoopy Track (ft. Juvenile) that received much criticism at the time, shows that Jay is indeed a master technician and wizard on the microphone. Lines like “I hope the Cris get me / spiraling into a tizzy / so pissy / swerving on the road dizzy / God protect my soul, angels walk with me,” show the duality of Jay as an artist. This track can be quite confusing to the listener, the beat is strange, and each of the three verses has a different message. On the first verse, Jay’s temperament is quite depressing, as he displays a bit of paranoia about falling victim to the temptations of a life of violence, sex, drugs and alcohol. However on the second verse he touches on his complex relationship with the opposite sex, and the verse comes off as a bit forced and lacking depth. He ends the verse with a “forget it, I’m the DON,” which can be viewed as a bit of humility- he knows it’s not his best verse, but he also knows that he has achieved things that others only dreamed they could. On the third verse, he goes back to his natural, classic style and delivers a quality verse. I tend to gravitate toward this track because it seems to show the humbler side of Jay. He appears to expose himself a bit to his audience.

Things That U Do is another classic track that may be too commercial for the palate of the hardcore hip-hop fans. But this crossover appeal is what makes Jay-Z the complete artist. And more importantly, people can relate to his songs, and I find myself feeling the same way in 2022 that I felt in 1999 when I hear his laid back flow over the melodic tune. I think of the “Ching Ching” money in the bank type of feeling when I hear this song.

A couple of the weaker tracks on the album could have used better production and lyrics, and the chemistry on tracks like S. Carter, Pop 4 Roc, and Do It Again just come off as forced. Tracks like Come And Get Me and It’s Hot are solid additions to the album as well. Not spectacular tracks, but very, very solid.

I rank this album a 90/100, as I feel the features actually brought the album down a notch.

-Youngblood

[golgari-thot-farm]

Yes! @anathema-archlich those are awesome questions!

Soul of New Phyrexia should almost certainly just be a Duplicant but I've had a game or two where I've set up some pretty un-fuckwithable boardstate when SNP is involved. Especially when preceded by a Seedborn in the tutor line.

Now Masticore... He's a little more problematic. That's a good old fashion win con right there. The Tutor line is pretty straightforward.

Quirion Ranger, Priest of Titania, Elvish Archdruid, Masticore, Seedborn and top it off with

Kamahl, Fist of Krosa. Then it's 3 Mana stone rains until everyone picks up the rest of their cards. (1G from Kamahl turns lands into elves, and 2 colorless pings em w Masticore) Total fucking bummertown. A lot of times I'll have a tutor in hand and look for more Mana. Either via Karametra's Acolyte or a Cradle if I'm lucky. Either way, I can usually zorch about 4-5 lands each turn thanks to Seedborn, and then no one wants to play anymore.

Also, @bunderthuns you ever make yours?

Animaniacs Reunion.