#He has been in the friendzone for almost 40 years

[everythingblackblack]

Do you think Shinichi wanted to be the one who almost kissed KID? I'm imagining him having his body back and flirting with KID as revenge for his friend and trying to figure out how much of his reactions are acting as part of the disguise. I want him to find out that KID/Kuroba Kaito hasn't had his first kiss yet and decide that he will be the one to give it to him. I feel like most people assume Kaito is the more relationship experienced one but considering ShinRan's development post-canon that will probably be Shinichi, he didn't have to worry about consent issues or DNA or potentially getting a loved one framed as an accomplice - which Kaito has to consider in and out of disguises.

Lmao, Kaito must be so bitter, imagine your rival got the girl and you've been in the friendzone for 37 years. That's hard. (Yes, I'm counting Robot Kaito's confession. Since Aoko and her entire class basically think it was him, it counts for me).

_________________ The first thing that came to my mind when you said that was this scenario:

"Let me see if I understand you, Kudo." Haibara looks at him trying not to show her disapproval for the tremendous stupidity she just heard from him. "The first thing you want to do now that you got your body back is go kissing with KID."

She wouldn't judge him for that, she just thinks the reason he uses to justify himself is… so dumb.

"I'm doing it because he almost kissed Hattori, and you know, I have to protect my best friend's dignity."

"You sound like a person desperate for the attention of the one you love."

"I don't love him, and I'm not desperate!"

"But you want to kiss him, and you just confirmed that you've been thinking about this for a while." Haibara looks at him unimpressed. She's judging him.

"I'm doing it for Hattori, he's my brother from another mother and all that…!"

"You say that, but all you think about is kissing KID."

"Don't say it like that! I don't-!"

"Like I said, so desperate." ___________

I had thought of a conversation between the two of them, talking about their first kiss:

Shinichi: My first kiss was with a random guy, he mistook me for Ran, I hated it.

KID: What bad luck for that, I thought you were going to tell me that you had your first kiss with Miss Mouri at 13 or something.

Shinichi: I wasn't so lucky, what about you? Have you had your first kiss yet?

KID: Do you doubt that?

Shinichi: I'm just saying that it's hard to be sure with you, you're too ambiguous, I can't say that I'd be surprised if it's not the case, but I can also imagine it.

KID: To be honest… it depends.

Shinichi: Your answer is "It depends"? See? So ambiguous. "Depends" on what anyway?

KID: It depends on what you consider a kiss.

KID: What is a kiss to you?

Shinichi: I'm sure I'm missing a lot of things in the middle of this question, but if I had to answer, isn't it supposed to be just lip contact?

KID: And if there's no consent would you still call it a kiss?

Shinichi: Did you steal a kiss from someone?

KID: Not exactly.

Shinichi: You're so lazy about it! Just tell me what happened!

KID: Well, I once did cpr on a person I liked. Although at the time I still didn't like him, and I definitely didn't think about kissing him, otherwise "Damn, I have to do something or she'll choke!"

Shinichi: Well, that's not a kiss.

KID: But you said a kiss was lip contact, our lips touched, it would be a kiss right?

Shinichi: Why does even a kiss have to be complicated with you?

KID: I'd like to know too.

Shinichi: I guess we can just leave it at "it depends." __________________

In movie 10, there is a scene where Conan falls into the water, then wakes up in Agasa's car and Hattori tells him that "Hakuba" pulled him out of the water. It is later revealed that "Hakuba" was actually KID.

I've been thinking ever since I saw it "Did KID perform CPR on Shinichi?" since he spent two hours unconscious, since there is nothing to confirm or deny it, I assume that it did happen.

I just like the idea of ​​Shinichi being Kaito's first kiss, although yes, I would prefer it to be Shinichi, but I wanted to share this thought.

[salvatoreschool]

Every The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Legacies Ship Ranked

53. Daroline (Damon Salvatore and Caroline Forbes)

Our first ship is our worst ship because we can't find literally anything nice to say about Daroline. Consent issues, mind-control, and death threats are not exactly the stuff of great romance, and Damon should thank his lucky stars Caroline forgave him for this abominable period when they were together.

52. Calaric (Caroline Forbes and Alaric Saltzman)

Ew. Gross. No. Kill it with fire. We've got no idea what The Vampire Diaries was trying to do with this ship, but we hated every second of it, and we're not ashamed to say it. We don't care that years had passed since Caroline was his student or that there were weirder ages gaps on the show, trying to ship a student-teacher relationship feels wrong no matter which way you slice it.

51. Klenevieve (Klaus Mikaelson and Genevieve)

Klenevieve was a blink and you'll miss it kind of ship on The Originals, but it still technically counts. Ultimately though, Klaus and Genevieve's connection was mostly physical, and there were far too many double-crosses and manipulations on both sides of this relationship to give it much credit.

50. Parkwood (Liv Park and Tyler Lockwood)

Liv and Tyler's love story kind of flew under the radar on The Vampire Diaries, but that's probably just because there were like 18 insane storylines happening at once in Season 6. This ship was actually pretty cute, and the only thing keeping it from a better ranking is the fact that Tyler, you know, killed her with his bare hands to activate his werewolf curse.

49. Malaric (Meredith Fell and Alaric Saltzman)

Talk about ships that flew under the radar. Alaric and Meredith Fell shared a brief tryst in Seasons 3 and 4 of The Vampire Diaries, but this relationship always felt like it was built to move the plot forward instead of the other way around. Kind of too snooze-worthy to deserve a good ranking.

48. Menny (Matt Donovan and Penny Ares)

We're not going to pretend like we cared even a little about Matt and Penny's romance on The Vampire Diaries. However, we're also not going to pretend like the scene where Matt hallucinates her ghost and begs her to take him with her after his car crash was anything other than devastating emotional torture that came out of nowhere and has stayed with us to this day.

47. Jolaric (Jo Parker and Alaric Saltzman)

Jo and Alaric really got the rough end of the stick as far as TVD ships go. They'd only just started to find their groove when Jo found out she was pregnant with twins, forcing them into a shotgun wedding that ended in tragedy. If these two had been given the time to start their family together the way they should have, we have no doubt they could have become one of the show's best duos ever. We'll have to settle for them creating one of the best duos ever -- Josie and Lizzie Saltzman!

46. Rizzie (Rafael Waithe and Lizzie Saltzman)

It's hard not to ship all of the Legacies kids with each other considering the great chemistry that cast has, but Rizzie is one we just never loved. Lizzie seems too intense for Rafael, and Raf doesn't exactly seem like the kind of guy that would give her the level of attention and devotion she requires. This ship was kind of a flop in Sesason 1, and we'd prefer it stay that way.

45. Debekah (Damon Salvatore and Rebekah Mikaelson)

Damon and Rebekah shared one night of tearing ballgowns and tuxes off each other, and then it was never really spoken of again. It's hard to properly rank a ship that basically came down to "that one time we had hate sex," but hookups like this were what The Vampire Diaries was built on.

44. Haylijah (Hayley Marshall and Elijah Mikaelson)

We really wanted to rank Haylijah higher on this list, but all the passion and angst in the world can't distract us from the cold hard truth: Hayley and Elijah had issues. Major issues. Not the least of which being that he killed her in the final season of the show. Whether you consider their love story to be one of the best or worst this shared universe ever created, at least you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that they gave it all they had.

43. Klaurora (Klaus Mikaelson and Aurora de Martel)

For as long as we've known Klaus, he was always teetering on the brink of insanity, which is kind of what we loved most about him. Aurora, on the other hand, has been batshit crazy her whole life and it's so not a good look on her. This weird, obsessive, "let's see who can out-crazy the other" romance was not to our taste at all.

42. KymG (Kym and MG)

We can't claim to be huge fans of the romance between Kim and MG on Legacies, though their names fit together so perfectly for a ship name that we almost demand they be endgame based only on that. Unfortunately, the show never really gave them the screen time they needed to get us invested in their love story before Kym decided she'd had enough superantural shenanigans and left Mystic Falls.

41. Elijah Mikaelson and Antoinette Sienna

On every TV show, there are ships that just make us shrug, and Elijah and Antoniette are definitely one of those. They don't even have a ship name, that's forgettable this tryst was. Even with memory loss, hidden pasts, and romantic pinao duets, this couple was kind of just meh.

40. Sizzie (Sebastian and Lizzie Saltzman)

Sebastian and Lizzie may have had potential, but in the end it turned out to be wasted. Their chemistry was off the charts, but like many teenagers swept up in romance, they never really took the time to connect or learn about each other. Maybe that's why they ended on such a sour note. Still, at least Sebastian went out a hero?

39. Jicki (Jeremy Gilbert and Vicki Donovan)

You know, we were really rooting for Jeremy and Vicki when The Vampire Diaries first started. They had that whole, rebels who are too cool for school, but not too cool for love thing going on. Ultimately though, we don't think Vicki would have ever calmed down enough for Jeremy, who was really only pretending to be a wild child to deal with his parents' deaths. This ship just wasn't to be.

38. Maroline (Matt Donovan and Caroline Forbes)

You know those Season 1 ships that you know are never going to make it, but every time you look back on them they make you nostalgic? That's what Maroline is for us. A cute relationship between two characters we love dearly that just never quite fit perfectly together. That being said, if there had been no vampires or life-or-death scenarios in Mystic Falls, Maroline absolutely would have been endgame material.

37. Stalerie (Stefan Salvatore and Valerie Tulle)

Stefan and Valerie had one of the weirdest love stories we've ever seen, but there was still a small part of us that was rooting for them. In a world not besieged by curses and vampire hunters and prison worlds, these two could have really been something! Sadly, Stefan has like five more appealing ships, which is probably why they never really made it that far.

36. Hafael (Hope Mikaelson and Rafael Waithe)

Legacies made a solid attempt to recreate another brotherly love triangle, but we weren't really feeling it with Rafael, Hope, and Landon. Raf and Hope have a great friendship going, but it's probably best left there considering how much more fans seem to prefer her relationship with Landon.

35. Marcille (Marcel Gerard and Camille O'Connell)

Remember when Marcel and Camille were a thing for a hot minute? Neither do we! Sorry to Marcille fans, but though these two had decent chemistry, they just never got a lot of attention as a couple, and so their love story kind of faded into obscurity.

34. Jasie (Jade and Josie Saltzman)

The Vampire Diaries universe sure does love its enemies to lovers ships, doesn't it? Josie and Jade started off on opposing sides in Kai's prison world, but after Jade turned her humanity back on, things started to change between them. At least the sex dreams they started having about each other did. Jade and Josie might be perfect for one another, seeing as they both understand having a dark side that's hard to deny.

33. Carenzo (Caroline Forbes and Enzo St. John)

While Caroline and Enzo never made it past the friendzone, we wouldn't have hated it if they'd had a thing. There was a lack of "epic love story" vibes between them, and when Enzo was at his worst, Caroline brought out the light-hearted, carefree side of him. Plus, all things considered, he really was her type - morally scrupulous Brit, who would burn the world down for the people he loves -- why does that sound familiar?

32. Mizzie (M.G. and Lizzie Saltzman)

Every day we go back and forth on whether MG and Lizzie are soulmates or whether they're the perfect best friend duo of all time. Could they possibly be both? Sure, Lizzie takes MG for granted sometimes, and MG can be a little thoughtless sometimes, but that doesn't mean these two aren't connected in a deep, meaningful way that most people can only dream of.

31. Noralise (Nora and Mary-Louise)

Though we only got them for one season, Nora and Mary-Louise had us from the moment they said hello. We do love a bad girl, and two bad girls together? We're toast! Our favorite thing about this ship is that while it was clear Nora and Mary-Louise didn't care about much in this world, they cared about each other, and that was more than enough for them.

30. Klayley (Klaus Mikaelson and Hayley Marshall)

When The Originals first premiered, we were sure Klaus and Hayley would eventually fall in love and live happily ever after with their precious loophole baby, but ultimately these two just weren't meant to be anything more than one really hot night. That being said, watching them as co-parents just proves that not all ships need to be romantic to work.

29. Rope (Roman Sienna and Hope Mikaelson)

Roman and Hope's sweet, timid flirtation on The Originals was like a breath of fresh air after some of the intense, life-changing, epic love stories we'd been getting for five straight years. Rope -- whoever came up with that ship name was having too much fun that day -- would have ranked higher if the whole relationship wasn't just Roman's ploy to get close to Hope's family.

28. Stebekah (Stefan Salvatore and Rebekah Mikaelson)

The Vampire Diaries had the best flashbacks on TV, hands down, partially because when your characters have lived for centuries, you can really mix things up. One of said mix-ups was the revelation that Stefan and Rebekah had been an item back in the 1920s, and while their romance is probably best left in the age of prohibition, it was always one of our favorites.

27. Hizzie (Hope Mikaelson and Lizzie Saltzman)

Hope and Lizzie would definitely have that whole "enemies to lovers" thing going for them if they ever decided to take the plunge together. The bond we've seen these two develop over the course of Legacies has been so wonderful to watch, and while at the moment we prefer them as badass besties, we wouldn't hate to see them head towards romantic territory someday.

26. Janna (Jeremy Gilbert and Anna Zhu)

When The Vampire Diaries first paired Jeremy and Anna together, we thought our little vampire-loving hearts would give out. They were both so damaged and dark and alone in the world that they somehow fit perfectly together. Not even multiple deaths could keep them apart! Losing this one was hard, but at least ghost Anna came back to hang out occasionally.

25. Datherine (Damon Salvatore and Katherine Pierce)

Call us crazy, but even through all the craziness and manipulation, there seemed to be a spark of something between Damon and Katherine that was just undeniable. Maybe it was the fact that they both put up a dark and diabolical front to mask their real feelings about the way their lives turned out. This wasn't a ship for the ages, but it certainly was a pairing we'll remember forever.

24. Kennett (Kol Mikaelson and Bonnie Bennett)

You know a fandom is strong when it can build a ship of dreams out of like 2 episodes and 10 lines of dialogue, but that's about all Bonnie Bennett and Kol Mikaelson ever shared. And yet somehow, Kennett is always going to feel like the one that got away in terms of ships that totally should've happened but never did.

23. Klamille (Klaus Mikaelson and Camille O'Connell)

Despite their messy ending, Klaus and Camille's relationship showed us sides of each character that we otherwise would never have seen. Though it was missing some of the passion usually found in The Vampire Diaries and The Originals ships, it was still absolutely heartbreaking to watch Klaus lose a woman who meant so much to him when Cami died.

22. Jandon (Josie Saltzman and Landon Kirby)

This short-lived romance between Josie and Landon may not have been super popular with fans, but it was perfectly in character for both these self-sacrificing loners to find their way to one another. It may not have been a romance for the ages, but it was an age-appropriate and utterly endearing one, and that's good enough for us!

21. Kolvina (Kol Mikaelson and Davina Claire)

As one of the few ships that managed to make it out of The Originals series finale alive, we have to give Kol and Davina props. Their love story survived multiple deaths, body-swaps, and that pesky problem of Kol accidentally murdering Davina that one time. We want nothing more than peace and happiness for eternity for these two crazy kids.

20. Jalaric (Jenna Sommers and Alaric Saltzman)

While some believe Alaric's love life is cursed, those of us who watched the early years of The Vampire Diaries know better. Alaric will simply never find someone as perfect for him as Jenna Sommers, which means he's destined to fall in and out of subpar ships forever. Poor guy, it's rough when your soulmate dies so early on in the first of three sequential shows.

19. Klefan (Klaus Mikaelson and Stefan Salvatore)

This one's another ship was never technically canon, but as far as we're concerned that was a GRAVE mistake. Klaus and Stefan had chemistry coming out of their ears, and you're seriously trying to tell us that nothing happened between these two during their days of debauchery in the 1920s? Yeah right, you're not fooling us!

18. Jayley (Jackson Kenner and Hayley Marshall)

Jackson and Hayley may not have had the passion and the fire that some of the best TVD ships boasted, but they had something that very few other pairings had: A rock-solid friendship built on trust and understanding that grew organically into true love. Considering how crazy their world was, they both needed a relationship like this to keep them sane, which is maybe why we ended up loving it so much?

17. Kalijah (Katherine Pierce and Elijah Mikaelson)

Katherine and Elijah only shared maybe a handful of scenes together over the entire course of The Vampire Diaries, but they're somehow one of three ships we would have watched an entire spin-off about. Their love stood the test of time and somehow overcame hybrid-sized grudges, and that's about as romantic as it gets.

16. Rebel (Rebekah Mikaelson and Marcel Gerard)

Though we love Marcel and Rebekah (especially when we think about the day they both take the cure and grow old together), this couple had one major problem... One of them wasn't on the show all that often, which meant their romance faded to the background every time Rebekah left town -- which was a lot. We'll put this in the category of ships that were done dirty by logistical, behind-the-scenes stuff.

15. Bamon (Bonnie Bennett and Damon Salvatore)

The Bamon saga was one of the most topsy-turvey things to follow on The Vampire Diaries, but we loved every minute of it. From shipping them a little bit in Season 1 to hating everything about it in Season 3, to watching them grow into best buds in Season 6, Bonnie and Damon went on a journey unparalleled by any other ship in the TVDu. Do we kind of wish they'd given romance a try? Sure. Are we going to let that invalidate how awesome their story was? No way.

14. Gialijah (Gia and Elijah Mikaelson

We're probably going to get some hate for this, but if we had to pick between all of Elijah's ships, Gialijah would probably win out. Sure, they weren't star-crossed lovers or centuries-old flames, but if you're looking for a healthy dynamic (of which Elijah was sorely lacking) with great chemistry and some awesome scenes, Gialijah is the ship for you.

13. Handon (Hope Mikaelson and Landon Kirby)

Hope and Landon are kind of the Stelena of Legacies. Not a pairing that we think will be endgame (no matter how heartbroken that will leave us), but integral to the DNA of the series nonetheless. We're content to enjoy this sweet couple strive for their happy ending, and we'll even root for them most of the time as they grow up together and figure out this crazy supernatural world.

12. Jaiden (Josh Rosza and Aiden)

Oh, Josh and Aiden... the ship that was too pure for this world. Literally. Though both these characters bit the dust before all was said and done on The Originals, their love story was super sweet, and, hey, at least we got to see them reunite in the afterlife!

11. Beremy (Bonnie and Jeremy)

If any of you ever had a crush on your older brother or sister's friends, you'll understand our undying love for Beremy. There was something so cathartic about watching Bonnie realize that Jeremy had grown up to be a sweet, sexy, utterly dateable guy instead of Elena's annoying little brother. Even though the didn't end up together, they deserve a high ranking in this list of epic ships.

10. Posie (Penelope Park and Josie Saltzman)

Considering how few episodes of Legacies Penelope was in before she bounced, it's remarkable that so many people fell so deep in love with the Posie ship. We guess there's just something intoxicating about a bad girl who will do bad things for the girl she loves. If you come for Josie, Penelope will come for you!

9. Steferine (Stefan Salvatore and Katherine Pierce)

Is it weird that we always kind of thought Stefan and Katherine would end up together when all was said and done? Don't get us wrong, that relationship was toxic at best, but when they were on screen together, you just couldn't pull your eyes away from them. It was like watching a really sexy, complicated train wreck in action.

8. Forwood (Caroline Forbes and Tyler Lockwood)

Considering how often Caroline and Tyler were separated (by distance, evil hybrids, or opposing loyalties), it's pretty impressive that they were still one of the most memorable ships from The Vampire Diaries. It some mixed the sweetness of Maroline with the passion of Klaroline, creating a happy middle ground for fans to enjoy.

7. Freelin (Freya Mikaelson and Keelin Malraux)

Did we really understand the term OTP before Freelin existed? We doubt it. Freya and Keelin had their ups and downs on The Originals, to be sure, but through it all, there was never a doubt in our minds that these two strong, smart, sexy women were absolutely made for one another. Knowing they're living out their happily ever after in New Orleans with a cute little baby named Nik is the only thing that gets us through the day sometimes.

6. Steroline (Stefan Salvatore and Caroline Forbes)

Considering how many ships exist in this universe, it's shocking that Steroline is one of only a handful to make it down the aisle. Poor Stefan seemed doomed to be forever locked in a love triangle with his brother until Caroline Forbes entered his life. Not only did he no longer have to deal with love triangle BS, he got to marry his best friend, who he knew would support him through thick and thin. If only it hadn't taken them so long to figure out how awesome they could be together.

5. Benzo (Bonnie Bennett and Enzo St. John)

Sometimes it's hard to ship characters that are thrown together at the end of a series as opposed to the beginning, but that was not the case with Bonnie and Enzo. One minute they were two characters who'd never really interacted much, and the next they were epic loves who built a strong relationship built on trust, compassion, and a lot of laughter. Honestly, they fit so well together even we were surprised by it!

4. Stelena (Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert)

Of all the ships to ever grace our screens over the years, there was something truly special about Stefan and Elena. Maybe it's because we associate their love story with some of the best years The Vampire Diaries ever had, or maybe their connection really was just too epic for words. Whatever the case, Stelena was one for the history books, and we dare you to say different.

3. Hosie (Hope Mikaelson and Josie Saltman)

It might seem weird to put a ship that's not, technically speaking, canon (yet!) so high on our list, but we absolutely won't apologize for it. Putting aside the obvious fact that these girls are definitely, majorly, into each other, Hope and Josie have proven over and over again that they not only understand each other on a deep, intimate level, they also care enough about one another to go to the ends of the earth to keep each other safe and happy. That kind of devotion when paired with a healthy, supportive dynamic is a killer combination.

2. Klaroline (Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes)

Klaus and Caroline never really got the timing right, but maybe that's what makes this ship one of the best in the history of The Vampire Diaries universe. They were enemies, they were lovers, and they were kind of even friends for a minute there, and the fact that they never really got a chance to be together only makes this ship more EPIC. Plus, it's kind of impossible not to swoon when a guy declares he'll be your last love.

1. Delena (Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert)

Was there ever any doubt that this list would end here? Whether you loved Delena or not, there's no denying this couple was iconic, and a large part of The Vampire Diaries' success was built on their love story. Sure, we would have preferred for them to not have different versions of the same fight for four seasons in a row, but that doesn't mean we don't still get major chills whenever we rewatch their first kiss or their series finale happily ever after.

[sunnycyrus]

‘Cause I’m Just a Sucker for Anything that You Do

title from heartbreak girl by 5 seconds of summer

Preview:  “The same story has been told ever since Cyrus decided to open up to TJ about this crush of his. Cyrus will start by recounting the butterflies he had felt in his stomach that week, and then his ranting will shift to his unrequited feelings.        And every time, TJ wants to scream, “I’m right here! Give me a chance!” But he never does.” 

Summary: A somewhat au in which TJ think Cyrus has a crush on someone else aka these two being oblivious as hell

read it on ao3   

     TJ’s milkshake was starting to taste pretty awful, but maybe it was just his mood that had been spoiled. Basketball practice had been canceled today, so he had invited Cyrus to go to The Spoon with him after school. TJ had been itching to spend time with the other boy, but now he wished he had just gone home and started his science homework. 

     TJ looked down to check his phone- ten minutes. For an entire ten minutes now Cyrus has been ranting. Usually, TJ loved to listen as Cyrus goes off on a tangent about who knows what, he always finds it adorable and is perfectly content to just rest his head on his fist and follow along. 

     Right now? TJ wishes he had the heart to interrupt the boy he was so smitten with and change the subject. But he didn’t, so for the last ten minutes Thelonious Jagger Kippen has been hopelessly listening as Cyrus staggered on about his crush- his crush who he refused to name. Despite this, TJ knew who he was talking about, or at least he was pretty sure he knew. Of course he did- Cyrus had never been exactly subtle with his too-long glances and fond smiles. Yes, TJ knew Cyrus was talking about Jonah Beck, but he’d never tell him that. 

      Jonah Beck. Don’t get him wrong, TJ liked Jonah, he was nothing but nice- Jonah wasn’t someone you could really hate. No, TJ liked Jonah, he just didn’t like the fact that Cyrus pined after him with tunnel-vision. Though, in Cyrus’ defense, TJ did the exact same thing with his relentless feelings towards the boy who was sitting in front of him right now eating baby taters while still talking at a speed of 40 miles per hour. 

     “-and it’s like, I’ve become really good friends with this person- like best friends, but I know that’s all we’re ever going to be,” Cyrus stops for a moment, probably his first pause within these ten minutes, causing TJ to raise his eyebrows is acknowledgment, “And I’m okay with that,” he stops again, this time to release a frustrated sigh, “I just don’t know how to move on.” 

     TJ could almost laugh at the irony. 

     It’s been almost a year since TJ first met Cyrus in seventh grade. It’s been almost a year that he’s been festering these feelings for him. And it’s been almost a year since TJ realized that it’s abundantly clear that Cyrus doesn’t return his feelings. 

     Because of Jonah Beck. 

     It has been awhile since TJ began to notice how Cyrus acted around Jonah. He was always smiles and was always devoted to putting a smile on Jonah’s face as well. No, TJ wasn’t completely sure he was right when it comes to Cyrus’s feeling for Jonah, but he’d bet his weekly wage at the gym that he was. 

     The same story has been told ever since Cyrus decided to open up to TJ about this crush of his. Cyrus will start by recounting the butterflies he had felt in his stomach that week, and then his ranting will shift to his unrequited feelings. 

      And every time, TJ wants to scream, “I’m right here! Give me a chance!” But he never does. 

     For one, he’s glad Cyrus is opening up to him. It makes a corner of his heart giddy that he and Cyrus have become close enough that they can talk about things like this, even despite the knowledge of how undeniably friendzoned this makes him. For another, TJ never wants to risk their friendship like that. It’s clear that Cyrus’ heart is currently in the unwanting hands of another- TJ dispelling his own feelings would surely end in nothing but fire. 

     “What about you Teej?” Cyrus’ questioning breaks TJ from his spiraling train of thought. “Are you crushing on anyone?” 

     “No,” he lies, but TJ knows his face is betraying him. 

      Cyrus’ face breaks out in a grin that looks a little to bright, but TJ is probably reading into things too much. “You are! You totally are!” 

     Not for the first time today, TJ is met with the overwhelming urge to burst out with, “Yeah! You!” But he doesn’t, he can’t, he won’t . At the end of the day, he knows this is as far as he’s going to get. He can toy with the idea of a relationship in his mind, heck he can tell himself that this right now is a date. But it never will be. 

     “C’mon Teej! You can tell me!” 

     No I can’t. Debating his current options, TJ decides to avoid this conversation altogether. He doesn’t trust himself to not let everything blow up in his face. “Hey, I gotta get home, its kinda late,” TJ moves to stand up, missing how Cyrus’ face falls. 

     “TJ it’s not even four o’clock,” Cyrus stands up as well, following after TJ as he pushes past a waiter to get to the door. 

     “I just have stuff to do, see you later,” the blonde boy quickens his pace. 

     “Wha- TJ! Did I say something?” Cyrus switches to a jog, trying to get ahead, “If you don’t want to talk about your crush- I didn’t mean to push you,” Finally, he reaches TJ, bringing them both to a halt but standing in front of the other boy. “We don’t have to talk about that.” 

     TJ scoffs, “Except we kinda do, don’t we? For the past month that’s all you can seem to talk about,” Cyrus takes a step back, “Thanks for opening up to me- but newsflash! I don’t want to hear about your stupid crush on Jonah Beck!” TJ pushes past Cyrus to continue walking down the road, but it doesn’t take long for Cyrus to fall back in step beside him. 

     “Jonah? What makes you think I have a crush on Jonah?” 

     This makes TJ falter slightly, but doesn’t stop him completely. “Oh maybe the everything about how you look at him? Have you seen yourself?” TJ laughs but it lacks any humor- he wasn’t about to play this game. 

     Cyrus stops walking, “TJ I don’t like Jonah,” Cyrus states in a hard tone, this time it’s enough to make TJ halt his movements. There’s a pause, there’s no breeze in the air as silence fills the street. TJ swears the temperature dropped about ten degrees. Cyrus, standing a little behind TJ, is holding his breath- contemplating while his fingers anxiously tap against his leg. TJ, facing the street beyond, waits with a tired expression. Cyrus exhales, “I like you.”

     Suddenly everything is moving too fast, but not at all at the same time. TJ feels the air leave his body. I’m not playing this game. I’m not playing this game. But then Cyrus is there, still standing a couple feet behind him, holding his breath once more, and he thinks- maybe this is real. Maybe his current lightheadedness isn’t a dream. Maybe right behind him Cyrus is going out of his mind as he waits for him to say something. Anything.

     So TJ looks back.

     “I like you TJ,” Cyrus repeats, meeting his friend’s gaze, “I really do and I’m sorry if that makes things awkward between us, but I can’t change how I feel,” and just like that, Cyrus’ dam breaks, “I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I’ve just been scared. This whole time at The Spoon? I’ve been talking about you. Not Jonah, not anyone else- but you. And... and I know nothing will come of this, heck I’ve been telling you that for a month, I can try to move on so we can just be friends but I’m still trying to figure out how to do that. If this is too weird for you, I get it. I know you’ll never feel the same-“ 

     “I do.” 

     The silence returns again for a few seconds, TJ is looking at the ground now, not quite believing that those two words actually just slipped from his mouth. 

     “You- you what?” Meanwhile, Cyrus can’t be sure if what he just heard was real or his ear just playing a nasty trick on him. 

     With a surge of confidence that he didn’t think he had in him, TJ’s dam breaks as well, “I like you a lot Cyrus,” a dopey smile breaks out on his face as he looks down at the ground, that’s just what his feelings for the other boy do to him. “I really, really do.”

     They both feel like they’re floating, and the silence falls over them one last time. This time though, it’s a warm silence. This time, they’re both looking at each other, letting out the breaths that they’ve been holding for who knows how long, and smiling.

     As they float back down to Earth, TJ reaches out for Cyrus’ hand, tightly grasping it and feeling as though he’d be content to never let go. They start walking back down the street and together they head back to The Spoon. This time, TJ knows his milkshake will taste good.

[mockky]

A sad story how Russo bros reminded us about the crappy world we live in

Disclaimer (kinda). Preventing the arguments like “read the comic-book to understand the movie”. First of all I've never read the comics and never will. I shouldn't do that to watch a movie. It's the director's job to tell me a story. It can be changed a bit, but it still has to have a logic. This is author's priority.

I guess there's no need to run through the movie again and get to details, it's too many of them. Just a few big ones. Firstly, the time travel idea is pretty lame by itself. Every time-travel-movie does the same mistakes – PARADOXES, no one managed to escape it. So if you can solve your problem only by time travel – please don't do the movie, this job is not for you.

It's like the creators don't know the rules of their own universe. Nebula translates her thoughts to Past-Nebula, they're connected somehow even being far from each other, killing Past-Nebula literally doesn't do anything. How does it work? All this plan just fucked up the previous movies. And then some random rat actually saves the universe? Seriously? I don't know but I think it’s called “lazy writing”.

OK, there's no movie without a sin. But what's really important is the screwed up characters. No one did or got anything what one was supposed to.

Loki. His extremely stupid, reckless and suicidal lunge actually was extremely stupid, reckless and suicidal. The God of Guile threw himself with a toothpick against titan and dropped dead. Bravo!

Thor. I never really was a fan of him. But this is officially the worst comic-relief ever. Why he should be like some sort of that whiny drunk dumbass, especially after him being so cool and strong in Infinity war? Gods saved us from fart-jokes and slow-mo-food-fight. Thor lost his parents, lost his brother and Asgard. He's broken and crushed, and Marvel just points finger at him and laughs. Very mature.

Doctor Strange showed up to show us a very important finger.

Captain Marvel is a whole new level of pain in the ass. Skip the Boring-IMBP-part. Though it's hard to forget how they just shoved her in fan's throats, and expected them to have the same empathy for her as for Tony or Cap. But we know them for 10 damn years! The biggest problem that she's not a person, she is God ex machine with magic GPS in her head, invincible, strong-independent-woman and all. With that cockish face of hers, kicked Thanos's ass, but when it comes to the gauntlet, it's up to Hulk and Tony. What da hell? All that power, it's the only thing she could help with. And don't give me that "it's a big universe, not only you've got problems" crap. Thanos's snap affected THE WHOLE universe. Isn't he the main threat here and now?

And what really pissed me of is the ending and the way it fucked up the most interesting and deep part of it all – Steve and Bucky.

Allow me to remind you few points.

CATFA

We see Steve as this tiny subtle guy with heart of gold and strong will, he is hero inside. I can do this all day. He wanted to go to war, he took the serum, he's like walking embodiment of self-sacrifice and heroism. But he became “the chorus girl”, this empty symbol, a fake. Actual soldiers don't believe and don't respect him, cuz he’s never been in real fight. He does not respect himself anymore. But when his friend got in danger in the blink of an eye Steve transforms into this Rambo, alone against the world, flipped like a switch. He dashed headlong to the enemy's base just for tiny possibility his friend might be alive. At that very moment Steve becomes what he meant to be – the real Captain America.

CATWS

Steve managed to get through 70 years of brainwashing with only one phrase, and refused to fight Winter soldier hoping that there was still Bucky somewhere. The entire movie revolves around two of them.

CATCW

Some fans said that Cap and Tony should switch sides on this one, but it doesn't feel right for me. Cap's got a point. What if there's somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us. Obviously it is CATFA reference, where he goes against orders to save Bucky. And he's afraid cuz he knows that it could cost lives. And now he's running around the city protecting Bucky from the government and T'Chala. He fights Tony, bloodily, everything to protect Bucky.

What a lovely deep drama! It's a comic-book story here we’re talking about. I bet in CATFA no one really noticed sweet little Bucky. But the Winter soldier just stole the movie and fan's hearts. Steve and Bucky have this strong almost cosmic bonds, it's stronger than brotherhood or friendship, it was so since 40s. After all this freezing thing they became totally unique for each other. You can smash vibranium shield with that bonds (which Cap actually does symbolically when gives up the shield TWICE, both times for Bucky). It's unbelievable that after all he did for Bucky Cap could ditch Bucky for anyone or anything. Creators teased the fans and encouraged that bromance. It was openly a queer-baiting, it was a canon, and you can't stop the shippers.

Three movies were built up on this relationship. It was work of art if you ask me – so many details, so much depth, and the amaizing acting, I mean you can watch it over and over, and every time you find something new in their eyes or words. And they not just talk, they actually do anything to proof their devotion to each other. It's absolutely beautiful. And it's Bucky who made Steve interesting and alive as a movie character and a real hero as a person.

And what we get in the end? Bucky turned into dust in front of Steve, but on the group meeting Steve talks about... Peggy? Where did it come from? He doesn't mention Bucky the whole movie. Steve goes to return the Infinity stones and comes back an old man. For us, for Bucky, it was 5 sec, but for Steve it was 70+ years. He left Bucky and lived 70+ years without him. Besides he never said Bucky about his plan (or just desire or whatever), didn't say a proper goodbye, didn't consider it as a betrayal. He just decided to live for himself. By the way Bucky reacted as if it was a big surprise for him and even bigger disappointment. He was anxious during that scene when Steve suddenly didn't show up on the platform. And if you wanna say “Bucky knew it was gonna happen and was happy for his friend” then it's the great time to keep your mouth shut. He obviously wasn't happy with it, and he didn't know. Post-movie interviews don’t count! Don’t tell me that it was off-screen. It’s a MOVIE! If something is important – it’s on the screen and it becomes a canon. Stupid scene in a cafe with selfie and kids IS on the screen, apparently it’s important af and it’s a canon. Fat greasy-haired Thor yells at some gamer in chat – that’s VERY important and it’s a canon. But a talk between best friends when one of them decided to leave the other for good and go to the past doesn’t deserve screen time. Are you sure you set your priorities right? By the way Sebastian asked Russo about this. He thought there would be some dialogue between Steve and Bucky, but director said No, you already had that conversation.

No wonder Bucky didn't approach to Steve and only looked from distance. What can you possibly say to the man who claimed himself your best friend and then easily abandoned you just like that, lived without you for 70+ years and apparently was OK with it.

Steve just goes to Peggy. Because that's how it must be, that's natural, that's happiness. This cliché stuck so deep in the people minds, so they can't see anything behind it. I'm sure that not so many people knows what it actually means, but they believe that it's the right thing.

I might blow few minds now. Here it goes – the closest person is the one who shares with you your life experience, not the bed. NO WAY! I'm not saying than your partner can't be your friend. Spouses are not always the closest friends and the closest friends are not always spouses. You just can't screw up all Steve's emotional baggage that related to Bucky just for Peggy, which was in Steve's life, what, like 15 minutes? Steve knows Bucky since childhood, they were best friends, they supported each other, lived together, protected and saved each other many times. They share the same fate (war, serum, man out of time), there's no one who can be closer. “He loves her so much!” arguments can't erase too much of a history. It just doesn't work that way! You can't exchange one for another. A loved one can't replace your best friend, cuz of damn emotional baggage! You can have both, you can have none, but you can't trade it!

And what about Peggy? CATFA-Peggy was not a good person actually. She's whimsical and eccentric damsel. For example she shoots 1) at the experimental read not properly tested shield 2) with a chance to kill someone by ricochet 3) in enclosed space without ears protection for her or everyone else; she punches a soldier for an inappropriate commentary. And the scene in the bar shows Peggy as a simply impolite person – she ignores the soldier who just got back from captivity, it's very rude, especially when Bucky was polite with her. And on top of this I think she picked interest in Steve only after the serum. I bet Pre-serum-Steve was friendzoned for the rest of his life.

In TV-series though she appears to have a strong personality. She is an interesting character and not just love interest for Steve. She founded the S.H.I.E.L.D., had a happy fulfilled life. She let Steve go. And when she died, Steve let her go. I don't believe for a one second she is the love of his life. Staring at the photo is NOT a depiction of love. Not in my book. It's just a woman Steve once kissed.

So what went wrong? They made such a great Steve's character development, they put so much in his relationship with Bucky. Countless details, shades and layers. Every scene, every dialogue. An all of it just... puff... vanished.

Actually it wasn't so sudden as it seems. First signs of it appeared in Civil war. Did you noticed how the creators put the distance between Bucky and Steve? It's like “Hey guys! You know this whole story gets kinda pansy. We stand for cliché, for heteronormativity and happy ends! Every man got a girl! You can't have best friend, not the same sex, only hetero! So quit with the hugs end eye-fucking, more masculinity! Sebastian, you must get as thick as you can, so nobody could say you're gay. And Steve's gonna make out with a girl, just to be safe”. And this kissing scene is the most awkward I've ever seen. This weird kiss out of the blue, the fact that Sam and Bucky are watching (BTW how often do you stare at your friends kissing? Please, share at the comment section). Even actors call this scene awkward and weird, they basically hate it. And in fact that this scene wasn't it the script, it was added much later.

Then the forced friendship between Bucky and Sam. Moreover, they tried to replace Steve'n'Bucky's friendship with it. Sam rather has a chemistry with Steve, not Bucky. And the way Mackie and Stan here and there together on comic-cons where Mackie acts like he's Stan's BBF and Stan's just embarrassed. This whole all of a sudden friendship thing feels so unnatural and stretched. It's not like I don't wanna Bucky has friends and all, adaptation and stuff, But it doesn't mean Bucky doesn't need Steve, no one can replace him. And it all was only to make their friendship NO HOMO. But the way I see it, there wasn't anything gay about them (BTW I'm not a shipper and not homophobic), just some people have dead opossum's emotional range. In their head the man wants either bang you or kill you, nothing in between. I'm sure nobody took seriously the idea that they make them gay, or that they look like gay. It's just bromance. But noooooooo. They must've done this to them, cuz Happily ever after.

Eventually we got what we got. In Endgame Steve and Bucky are barely shares the screen together, even if they actually next to each other, they don't hug, don't talk, don't even look. Even after Bucky got back from the dust. It's like they never cared for each other.

Steve considered Bucky recovered after being tortured and brainwashed for 70 (it still blows my mind how long it is!) years, he's OK. No one said he's OK though, even Bucky himself. He's still the same wrecked man lost in time and his own head with tremendous weight of guilt and torn apart personality. It's not the same Bucky from 40es, and he never will be. Steve’s the only one who could break through to him, for Bucky Steve is like the ground he stands, the only guide light in this chaos that left of his life. According to Stan – Steve is the only thing that keeps Bucky alive. Well, Bucky, sorry pal, gun or rope?

Steve is an asshole. He thinks he's so special and good enough to rewrite Peggy's life (which was good for Peggy without Steve) just because he wants it. Abandons Bucky, who has nothing but Steve, abandons the world he fought for and called his home, and the friends called family. All this for the woman, who was almost nothing to him especially compared with Bucky and the others. All the things Peggy said in a hospital, all the character development and his words about the man died in the ice, new home and new family – all of it was fucked up, buried under that shit. You need to move on. Until you get a time machine. Then you can go back. So what is it? Maybe Steve never was a hero and hence he doesn't deserve our respect. Or, what is the most likely, creators think we are idiots.

Steve gives the shield to Sam. And I wouldn't mind. Why not. This job definitely is not for Bucky. He's tired, he's semi-stable 100 years old man, he had enough of war for two lifetimes. It's too much for him, it would be cruel for Bucky. Symbolism is a cool thing, but life doesn't work that way. Pep-talks don't heal. Get real, OK? Sam is a new Cap, fine, it's logical. But it's always about the How, not What.

From the moment Bucky sees the old man on the bench til the end of the movie Bucky didn't even think about to approach Steve, he sent Sam instead. They didn't talk, Steve didn't even look at him. This entire scene Bucky has this endless sadness in his eyes. There's a glimpse of a smile when he looks at Sam, but in the moment it's gone. And then it's pain and sorrow on his face again. I don't really see happy Bucky. 

Just look at his eyes and tell me you look the same when you’re happy

And actually Steve doesn't sparkle with joy either. He kinda lived his “happy life”, but there's no sign of it, especially that he refused to talk about her. 

But it's confirmed information – Peggy's mysterious husband IS Steve Rogers.In the end Bucky got this last slap on his face. Bucky asked himself if he worth all of it. NO. No, Bucky, fuck you.

I find it funny (seriously I don't) that it's the same directors and screenwriters, who did Winter soldier and Civil war. How could they screw it up? One might say “Cuz there's TV-series Falcon and Winter soldier coming, it needs to be this way”.

A few little ideas for ending that wouldn't do any harm.

Behold!

1.  If they want Steve out of it, why don't kill him? Canonic, right?

1.1 In final battle Steve is dying. He tried to shield Bucky and dying on his arms. He can give the shield to Bucky, so his broken and lost friend could have purpose in life that helps him to move on. Or he can just die and Bucky takes the shield as something in memory of Steve. And then Bucky gives the shield to Sam, like saying “I've lost it all, I've lost my friend, but you're a good guy and maybe we can become friends sometime”. If it happened like this I could in time accept Sam as a new Cap and Bucky's friend.

1.2 Or perhaps Steve, still dying, gives the shield to Sam.

2. This one is not so good idea, but OK. Steve goes to the past, his a douche. But if you want a TV-series he can’t take Bucky with him. And it's still the same – Steve gives the shield, doesn't matter who would it be (pick anyone you like). But Steve can’t leave without saying goodbye.

Oh my god! It's two of it and we still got the TV show! Fascinating! And there is more of it.

3. Oh that's the good one. The one with the Steve we know and love. Steve stays. Steve goes to the past to return the infinity stones. Steve could allow himself just a moment to be selfish and have that dance with Peggy, or stay for not so long, a year maybe. And then he must go back, knowing that there are people who need him more, than Peggy. Of course if Steve is young, fit and tight, he won't retire. But Sam and Bucky are still with us, they're cool enough to have a TV-show.      

4. And what if like this? Shuri did the research to find a way to clear Bucky's head from the Hydra's code. What if she did? Or what if with Hydra's code some memories are gone too? Maybe Bucky could be an antagonist.

And just for me. We don't care about the money, and give Steve and Bucky the final they deserve.

1. Bucky and Steve dying fighting together. The most obvious and sad final. Till the end of the line

2. Bucky dies. It's tragic for Steve and he could say “I've lost it all”, and goes to Peggy. A little OOC, but not so bad.

3. What if we go back to that brain-cleaning option? Steve dies, but Bucky's so broken he can't stand it, and he goes to Shuri so she could wipe up his memory. Tragically and symbolically, cuz first time he was forced to forget Steve's alive, and now he does it voluntarily to forget Steve's dead.

I'm not a screenwriter, and my head's not crowded with ideas. But this is still better than what we've got in the Endgame. I could step on my own throat and accept the Endgame only if Bucky says that Steve is a traitor and he hates him. I'm not saying that Steve doesn't deserve this dance or happy ending. He does. Everybody Does. Everybody've suffered enough. But Steve doesn't deserve to become such an asshole. Bucky doesn't deserve to be forsaken in such a way. 

Honestly, I don't care about forced bromance with Sam, or Sharon, even love interest for Bucky (it would be kinda specific I guess). They could do anything, but they can't throw away Bucky and Steve. These characters are alive, their world is real. Sometimes happy ending is impossible. And if you force it, you can ruin everything. And this is what they actually did.

And it just bugs me – why, why did they do this? Maybe it's too much pressure and they screwed up. Or maybe it's Big studio' bosses. You know maybe if they just shut up about it.. time heals you know. But it gets worse. On the interview directors says one thing and screenwriters say the other, they all can't string sentense together. And only Bucky's face speaks for himself. I mean did you see this fresh Sebastian's panel at London comic-con? I’ll show you few moments, but you've got to watch the whole thing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=-KQpzG49exM). When he asks the audience did they like the movie, many people say “No!”, when he approves the final of Endgame one shout “Liar!”. Look at the body language. You'll see how he sincerely and emotionally talks about anything.  As soon as it comes to Endgame, he is immediately clamped, his leg begins to twitch.

The previous question was that he was interested in - what kind of heroes he wants to play. Therefore, he sits on the edge of the couch, leaning over to the public. The next question about the final and Steve going to Peggy. He immediately moves and leans back, he covers his belly with hand. The question is unpleasant to him.

Then the speech becomes confused, although before that it flowed freely, he literally gasps as if he doesn't know what to say, his micro-mimic denies his words.

He says he agrees with the final, Bucky is happy, Steve deserves it. But his body screams just the opposite - a sharp wave of his hand and chin say "no"

And this is the worst one. On the words “He (Bucky) was happy,” his whole pose just screams “NO!”. This insincere smile, this tilt of the head and a slight denying swaying. All this says more than any words

It's so obvious that he so tired of it. I bet that under the contract, he has no right to scold the movie and must promote the policy of the studio. But when he said that “Bucky was happy for Steve” .... This is the most forced smile I've ever seen. This is the most unconvincing lie in my memory. You can see just right through it, it's like an open book. But he has to do it, because crossing with the Big Studio Boss when your career just went uphill is not the best idea. The truth is important, but the dream is too. He started the career since the age of 15, which is quite long, considering this is not such a brilliant career, but he definitely worked so hard for it. So he caught between the hammer and an anvil now. On the one hand, acting career is the only thing for him, on the other hand studio bosses who can bury the dream, and on top of it the fans who are looking for his support. So "Steve is happy, Bucky is happy, awesome film, kill me, please!". By the way where is his best buddy Mackie? Why Seb's cleaning this mess all by himself? Seeing him like this just breaks my heart

And I honestly do not understand the people who liked it. How can you not see all this?? And there are those who claim that we didn’t like Endgame because we didn’t see any movies at all and didn’t read comic-books. There are Stucky fans who liked Endgame. Are the clichés so strong that people just don’t see all this... The story of Bucky and Steve was way too deep. Bucky is too tragic and well-developed character for a superhero comic-book story. All this deserved so much more. And the creators simply could not finish the job; mass cinema is simple and flat and it's made that way on purpose. They pull the most primitive triggers, so that people do not have to think. The most simple patterns help to reach more people. In other words, they are doing everything to raise more money. And it works. Thus we’ll get more of it in the future. No doubt about that.

For me, Endgame marked the victory of the corporate moneymaking machine over creativity. And the box office speaks for itself. It's an awful world to live in...

[sunnycityshadypeople]

Defining Heartbreak: The Friendzone

I felt like writing and I guess could be a place to put it as it’s my only social media account where I have a bit more anonymity.    I feel hung over as fuck today, but noticed when I was articulating some deeper thoughts with someone that instantly felt better - so here goes with a story not of woe is me, but of the discovery I made about myself  Unrequited love over the years has reared it’s head a couple times.    In my early twenties, a guy I met online on Gaydar (is that site still a thing) - became a friend. I was actually his first gay friend and we hung out a lot.  We both went ot the same university and had one class that we both had in common - despite studying different degrees.   I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Nothing sexual ever happened between us.   He then went overseas to live in France for a year - studying at the same university that the recently departed Kofi Annan.   Fast forward a year and over that time of missing him, I realised I had feelings for him and the cliche of distance only making the heart grow fonder certainly rung true.   When he finally returned to Australia, I was so happy to see him and a bunch of us hit the town together. A friend brought his rather cute pal along and joined me and my crush on a night out.   As it turns out, my friend’s cute pal ended up hooking up with my crush.  In a tree. IN A FUCKING TREE.  

I was crushed.      Like *spoiler alert* Captain America watching his best mate Bucky die or Tony Stark seeing a fading spiderman begging him not to go.   Yeah I was in my early 20s but it was defining moment of heartbreak. 

I dont remember how long after but I was moping around at my brother’s place and my sister was there.  She saw me dejected and withdrawn, asking me ‘what’s wrong?’ - I left out the front door and sat on the balcony and ugly cried.   And not the ugly crying I did when KFC stopped selling hot and spicy chicken, this was far far worse.  And a defining moment of heartbreak.  Sidebar:  I’ve always been a bit of a philosphical existentialist - mainly due to the the movie ‘The Matrix’.  The nature of reality fascinates me.    When I was 18, the philosphical book ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ came into my life... I actually ‘found’ the book on the street (I kid you not!) and it changed my life and the way I think abnd that’s where the true existentialist in me had an awakening. anyways. I’ve always been an introspective soul -- something perhaps most people I know don’t realise.  The cyclic nature of life (ok picture me holding my laptop up ala the Lion King pose as we sing the Circle of Life) - means that sometimes it feels like things repeat themselves.  I sometimes forget about the lessons that we need to learn and of course it came from another defining moment of heartbreak - this time in my mid 30′s.  I’d started chatting to this guy on a dating app mid 2016.    I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him.   Feeling a sense of De ja vu?  No,it’s not a glitch in the matrix.    I tend to have a long lead time before I meet anyone online (I’m sure there’s a basis of fear of rejection in there but really are you that surprise after hearing that fucking sob story before!?) Anyways, we ran into each other at the gym and that was the first time we met.  We hung out a few times, and certainly these felt like dates.  We had a lot in common (and a lot in difference too), laughed alot and he was probably the first guy in a long time I met whose personality I loved.    He was witty at time cutting, his text game was super strong - but I’d usually own him face to face.   We’d spend our days jibing at each other trying to insult each other with memes (because Memes are life, right!?).  One time I was chatting to him via text -  describing a guy I used to like and how this dude and I had a lot common, was super nice... he replied to me ‘Kinda like us really?’  AND WHOA hold up this could be a romantasiced re-telling of my overthinking interpretation of a message - but that was sliding doors moment that would lead me to my next defining heartbreak.     I should have taken the bait.  But I was scared.  My absolute fear of rejection was scared to just tell this dude I like him - even if I was misconstrued in that message.    I do prefer voice messages over text because tone is a hard mother fucker to judge - thank god for emojis and ifs but still - just press that record button on whatsapp (He didnt’ like voice messages as he thought they were lazy) whereas I like to really convey my meaning.

Unless that meaning is ‘cue Madonna’ “IM CRAAAAZY FOR YOU TOUCH ME ONCE and you’ll know it’s truuuuue I never wanted anyone like this it’s all brand new... you’ll feel it in my kiss, you’ll feel it in my touch because I’m crazy for you - touch me once and you’ll know its’ true’

Anyways sorry about that Australian Idol gone Karaoke wrong moment. If you’ve fallen asleep reading this, you can thank me for the cure to insomnia later.  Ok, cut to the chase Jimbo - fast forward a year and half of being friends with someone you secretly love.  I use the term’ secretly’ loosely - because OMG was I just coming across as the love sick despo girl - random presents in his mailbox, being the nicest most supportive, generous friend - because hey, maybe he’ll come around if I kill him with kindness.  There’s an excellent article on being in the friendzone you should read by the way - I’ll talk about that later. I’m not going to go into details out of respect for this guy, but I knew inherently and the truth of the matter was no matter what I did or who I was - he was still on his Rupaul ‘can’t love nobody unless you love yourself’ journey.   So the harsh reality, and the ‘hes just not that into you’ vibes as espoused by Oprah back in the day meant this defining heartbreak was a bit different to the first.   I knew it was too far into the friendzone (never say never, but yeah let’s be real).. if it’s in the friendzone, they have to give you something that’ll finally get you into the endzone.  Anyways, I’d do anything for this guy.  Despite actually rationally speaking he didn’t tick some major core values for me.  It’s funny how attraction works.   A close friend who is a counsellor told me about ‘attachment styles’ (look it up, I wont digress more than I already have) - but essentially I was a major victim (of my own doing, because people don’t cause us to feel - we cause us to feel - think about that for a sec).. I was a major victim of treat em mean keep em keen. And I kept coming back for more.   I even tried weening myself off him by disengaging and that was great, but then we re-engaged. His was of re-engaging was sending me a message that said ‘Welfare Check’.  If it was me, I’d be like ‘Hey dude, I miss you! whats up!?’  The last time we saw each other was almost 2 months ago - nothing dramatic went down, but after not seeing the guy for a few weeks - he could only afford me about 40 minutes of his time.    It was a pleasant catch up but neither of us have communicated since.   He’s stubborn and I’m stubborn too.  But ulimately, it’s not healthy for me to love someone who doesn’t know what to do with my love.   And I look back at my own behaviour and do a major eyeroll because I really should save that stuff for someone who likes me back. That article I mentioned above - which I’ll post the link to - had a very simple suggestion and rule to avoid unrequited love and being in the friendzone. Only like somone who likes you back. OH MY FUCKING GOD REGINA YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Anyways, I’ve had some amazing dates and met a couple awesome guys (there’s still a them of them not living in the same city as me but hey I can deal with that for the moment). I have a lot of love in my life and the love I give  is welcomed and I’m not feeling like I’m being treated as an afterthought.  I emphasis ‘feeling’ because the truth is, I may not be an afterthought to him.   But actions do speak louder than words, and his inaction has spoken to me.   That’s cool.   My love will always be there.   But in defining heartbreak, I defined myself and thank you for reading this I’d like to thank the academy and you for being you. You are loved. 

[broodingsoul]

84 Random Things About This Week’s So You Think You Can Dance (S14E8)

1.  Time to reveal the Top 10!

2.  Every season, it’s a struggle to get through the Vegas—excuse me, “Academy”—episodes and then suddenly, we’re competing.

3.  Group Performance - All-Stars “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” This was just really beautiful, and perfectly showed why these dancers are All-Stars.  Only 4 of them are contemporary dancers, but they all dance it so beautifully.  The choreography is lovely; I think my favorite movements are the little wrist-flicks that occasionally happen to “knock-knock-knocking.”  Also, literally every time I see Robert dance I get really teary-eyed because, y’know, he almost died.  And then he was told he might never dance again.  Just overall, absolutely beautiful.

4.  And I guarantee you it was a Travis Wall number.

5.  Well fuck me in the ass, it was Mandy Moore.

6.  I don’t know if you know this, but she was the choreographer for the Academy Award nominated movie La La Land.

7.  I don’t know if you heard of that movie.

8.  It’s called La La Land.

9.  Also, just so you know, Mandy Moore choreographed it.  The show doesn’t like to brag about it much.

10.  So You Think You Can Dance choreographer Mandy Moore did the choreography for La La Land.

11.  Twitch and Allison are literally the most adorable thing to exist, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

12.  The only thing I care about when it comes to who’s in the Top 10 is whether or not Dassy made it, because she is My Everything (by Ariana Grande).

13.  Cat just said “Rama Lama” and I got chills.  No group number will ever beat that dance.

14.  WADE ROBSON HAD A KID?!

15.  Wade Robson is straight?

16.  Oh fuck, I completely forgot about Vanessa Hudgens.

17.  Oh Mary.  Oh Mary, what are these bubble sleeves?  It looks like a 6-year old designed their ideal wedding dress.

18.  Come on, Fik-Shun, don’t let me down.  Pick Dassy.  Choose Dassy.

19.  YAS BITCH DASSY YAS!

20.  Daisy & All-Star Fik-Shun “Shake Your Pants” - Hip-hop, choreographed by Poppin Pete Watching Dassy dance just makes me smile so much.  She just looks like she’s having so much fun and it draws my eye to her.  Fid-Shun is probably one of the most talented and likable dancers on this series and I can’t even watch him right now, because Dassy’s energy completely steals the show.  I don’t really care for this routine, but it doesn’t matter, because they look like they’re having fun, so it makes me feel like I”m having fun.

21.  Vanessa Hudgens just had a full judging moment that didn’t make me want to roll my eyes.  Good job, V!

22.  I really hope Allison chose Logan. There was something about his audition for the All-Stars that made me just keep gasping.

23.  Well I’m 2 for 2 for picks.  Let’s see if I can keep this up.  Which means I just shot myself in the foot.

24.  Logan & All-Star Audrey (of whom I have NO knowledge whatsoever because I didn’t watch Season 9) “Protocol” - Contemporary, choreographed by Tyce Diorio I know Allison was concerned about Logan only being 18, but he honestly dances beyond his years.  He has a maturity about him in this routine where he’s just…in charge.  Sometimes his hands get a little weak, like the moves don’t quite reach all the way through his arms.  And I honestly didn’t watch Audrey at all, sorry ‘bout it girl.  BUT I think this is one of my favorite routines Tyce has ever done—really sexy, really dangerous—and I wish so much I could’ve seen Allison dance it with Logan.

25.  I have no idea who Audrey is, but major props to her for learning this routine literally HOURS before the performance.

26.  And Zachary got picked up to play Mr. Mestophales in Cats, which just shows that some things are meant to be, and some are not, and he should be very proud of himself.

27.  I want Jenna to have chosen Kiki because I think he’s sexy as fuck, and also because I feel like Concrete kind of gave up and that’s a big red flag.

28.  YES!  KIKI!  Three for three.

29.  Kiki and All-Star Jenna “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back” - Cha-Cha, choreographed by Dmitry Chaplin First of all:  Kiki is sexy as fuuuuuuuuuuuc, holy shit.  Second of all, a Shawn Mendes song for a cha-cha?  At least it’s not that friendzone bullshit “Treat You Better.”  ANYWAY.  Kiki is an extremely good dancer when it comes to technique, but this cha-cha mostly lacks a lot of sex appeal from him (apparently I find him sexy because he’s a hot dork and not because of his dancing).  There’s only one moment where i really believe him as Jenna’s partner, and it’s when she kicks back into a développé and he has a moment of sexual chemistry with her.  Otherwise, it feels like he’s just there as a prop.  And it sucks because goddammit, Jenna is sexy as shit right now (secretly I really love her shh don’t tell) and I just keep looking at her because she’s stealing the show, simply by connecting to the style and tone of the dance.  His partner work is great, but I just need a little more OOMPH from him to really care about him as a competitor.

30.  But as long as Kiki keeps his shirt open like that, I’m good.

31.  “I’d like to dance a paso doble with him, I tell ya” is still my all-time favorite Mary Murphy moment.

32.  “It was very tough on Kiki because I found it very difficult to take my eyes off you…I just worry that the audience is not going to see a lot of your incredible world class style.”  There we go.  Nigel nailed it for me.  Kiki is a sexy dancer, but Jenna is just in this stratosphere where Kiki is going to have to WORK just to enter it.

33.  I care less about whom Cyrus chose as a partner than I do about Cyrus, which is to say very little.

34.  OH!  I do care about whom Cyrus chose, because I really want Kaylee to be on this show.  I loved her audition in a way that I loved Melanie Moore’s audition in Season 8.

35.  THANK YOU, Cyrus.  You finally did something right.  Also, 4/4.

36.  Kaylee & All-Star Cyrus “Clown” - Contemporary, choreographed by Tessandra Chavez Stunning choreography that somehow incorporates contemporary, hip-hop, and ballroom.  I don’t always love Kaylee’s face, in a way that I can’t explain.  I think her face over-acts, maybe?  But she dances the routine BEAUTIFULLY.  Her body tells the story that her face is trying too hard to tell.

37.  I’m not in the slightest bit surprised to find that Vanessa Hudgens has been in a fight where she threw shoes at someone, or at least, that she wished she had thrown shoes at someone and is just pretending she did.

38.  Honestly, if Gaby didn’t choose Lex, she’d be a moron.  I’ve had him pegged for Top 10 from his first audition.

39.  Fuck, I’ve had him pegged as Top 4 since his first audition.

40.  Good choice, Gabs.  5/5

41.  Lex & All-Star Gaby “More” - Tap, choreographed by Anthony Morigerato Lex seems really relaxed, and in a performance pocket that you only find by letting go and just being in it and feeling the groove.  This isn’t my favorite tap routine on this show, but I love it for how classically performative it is, like, the very essence of 30s/40s dancing.  It’s making me really happy because both Gaby and Lex are having fun with it.  I still think Lex has the power to make it to Top Four, especially after seeing him let go with a routine like this.

42.  “There was a really sweet, bashful, charming thing about you!”  Hudgens kind of just pointed it out:  I think Lex probably always felt like he had to be this super serious adult and no one ever let him be a kid, until Sonya and Gaby finally gave him permission.

43.  “There’s only one form of transportation on this show and it’s the HOT TAMALE TRAIN WOO-WOOOOOO!”  There was a time when I absolutely hated the Hot Tamale Train, but now I love how it’s, like, quintessential SYTYCD material.

44.  It’s like that one aunt you always thought was super over-the-top, but then you grew up and realized that she just likes to have fun and not take things too seriously.

45.  COMFORT.  MARK WAS THE FIRST AUDITIONED THIS SEASON AND HIS AUDITION HEALED ME.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PICK HIM.

46.  COMFORT YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITES AND YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE THANK YOU SO MUCH.

47.  ALSO 6/6 I AM DOING SO GOOD.

48.  Mark & All-Star Comfort “REDMERCEDES” - Hip-Hop, choreographed by Luther Brown Y’all.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but this routine ended and I just BURST into tears.  There is something about this man that just makes my life so GOOD when I watch him dance.  It just makes everything feel better.  OKAY:  Mark has swag.  That seems like a weird thing to say, but he came out with swag and humor, and he kept up with Comfort in a style where she could easily overpower him (*cough*Kiki*cough*), but he Kept. Up.  This is definitely a routine I’d go back to watch again and again, because it was so entertaining, in both choreography and execution.

49.  “Do you know who Rufio is?”  “Yeah, bangarang, baby!”  Mark, I already want to marry you, you didn’t have to do that.

50.  “You just lit. It. Up. out there on the floor.”  File under: Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Mary Say

51.  Now that we’ve seen Mark be a complete and total ham (and apparently needing to be censored), it’ll be interesting to see if he can ever pull some sort of restraint.

52.  Remember how I love Marko?  Fuck, I love Marko.  “Turn to Stone” is still my all-time favorite routine this show has ever produced.

53.  I honestly don’t remember either of Marko’s team members, but let’s say he chooses Koine.

54.  Oh look, he chose Koine!  7/7.

55.  Koine & All-Star Marko “Memories” - Contemporary, choreographed by Stacey Tookey (so you know she was like, “This routine is about love, and a connection between two people who have very strong feelings, and just an overall sense of humanity” I mean the song is called fucking MEMORIES for God’s sake, I fucking hate Stacey Tookey but I won’t hold it against Koine and Marko) Koine’s extension is unbelievable.  Her lines are so crisp and clean and so well completed that it’s like she becomes a dull three feet longer than she is.  There’s a great moment where the combination of choreography, music, and lighting design gave me tingles, when the lights flashed like stars and suddenly everything was golden.  And just as I was about to pan Stacey fucking Tookey for this polaroid moment at the end, I Got the routine, and cry-gasped.  Fuck you, Tookey, you win this time.

56.  Goddammit, Marko is so beautiful?  Like?  I can’t?

57.  I’m going to have to go back and watch this one.  It really was magical, Stacey.

58.  And the word “magical” is not one I like to use to describe performances.

59.  But like?  Marko’s face?  It’s just?  So Beautiful?

60.  Other people I don’t remember:  Paul’s team.

61.  I 100% even forgot that Paul was one of the all-stars.

62.  He grew up into a fine-ass man, tho.  Like, damn.

63.  Let’s say he goes with Sydney, because why not?

64.  OH HE CHOSE SYDNEY!  8/8

65.  Sydney & All-Star Paul “All Stars” - Ballroom, choreographed by Val Chmerkovisky This honestly feels so much like a “Dancing With The Stars” routine.  I hate it.  I hate it so much.  I don’t care about Sydney at all, and this is the worst ballroom routine I’ve ever seen Paul do.  Like, Sydney has great legs?  And she seems to be doing everything well enough?  But Paul is super-showy, and I don’t see a connection between the two of them at all.  I blame the choreography, which I absolutely hate, like, wtf Val.

66.  Oh, right, Val is a DWTS choreographer.  ‘Nuff said.

67.  “What beautiful ankles you have” is a compliment you’d only hear on a show like this, and I love it.

68.  Sydney really does have great ankles though.

69.  MY BOYFRIEND ROBERT ROLDAN IS ABOUT TO DANCE A TRAVIS WALL ROUTINE NOBODY LOOK AT ME.

70.  I don’t remember Jonathan or Taylor, but to be honest, I don’t remember a lot of this season’s auditions.

71.  I kind of hope Robert chooses Jonathan just so I can see two guys dance together this, but I’m gonna say he chose Taylor.

72.  Oh look, I’m 9/9.

73.  I just realized Cat Deeley’s outfit looks like the dress version of Britney Spears red leather jumpsuit from the “Oops” video.

74.  Taylor & All-Star Robert “Change is Everything” - Contemporary, choreographed by Travis Wall Stunning body control from both of them.  Beautiful shapes.  This choreography is ridiculous.  Really elegant but animalistic at the same time.  This routine is A Story that 100 people could interpret 100 different ways, and Robert and Taylor are Telling It.  It ends with this great forward drop from Taylor and Robert stiff-arm catching her, and I just went, “Oh!”  Absolutely amazing.  I’m speechless.

75.  Also, Travis, here’s your next Emmy nomination. I’m going to watch this 700 times to catch all 700 stories, especially considering the lyrical play on words “This moment, change is everything” “This moment changes everything.”

76.  And you guys, Robert was supposed to have NEVER DANCED AGAIN I AM A MESS.

77.  Nigel hasn’t remembered any of the dancers I haven’t remembered, and that makes me feel very, very worried.

78.  Okay, Jasmine.  Let’s round it out with 100%.

79.  I don’t remember her team either, fuck.

80.  I’m gonna say Robert.

81.  Holy shit, I just went 10/10 choosing the Top 10.  ALSO HE LOOKS SO HAPPY TO BE IN THE TOP TEN GOOD CHOICE JASMINE.

82. Robert & All-Star Jasmine “Perm” - Hip-hop, choreographed by Chris Scott Robert is a total showman.  He might not have the technique or be the best dancer, but he goes out and lays it all out there, and just has a shit ton of fun.  He knows how to work choreography and the crowd to make it a good time for all.  Halfway thru, the choreography gets kinda “meh” for me, which happens with a lot of Chris Scott routines for me (he’s the Ryan Murphy of dance), but it’s saved by Jasmine and Robert having the attitude to sell it.

83.  The fact that Jasmine was one of Beyonce’s dancers makes me so fucking happy and inappropriately proud.

84.  Group Performance - All Performers “This Time” - Jazz, choreographed by Wade & Amanda Robson, and Tony Testa I feel like the routine built up to a moment that didn’t happen at the end, and it was no Rama Lama, but who cares.  It was a fucking mind-bend to watch.

My Top Three 1.  Taylor & All-Star Robert - “Change Is Everything” 2.  Mark & All-Star Comfort - “REDMERCEDES” 3.  Koine & All-Star Marko - “Memories”

My Bottom Three 3.  Kaylee & All-Star Cyrus - “Clown”:  When I thought back on the routines, I didn’t remember this one. 2.  Kiki & All-Star Jenna - “There’s Nothing Holding Me Back”:  Jenna sold it, but Kiki is the competitor and he didn’t shine 1.  Sydney & All-Star Paul - “All Star”:  I hated everything about this performance

[noecat]

88 qn tag meme

thank u 2 the lovely @jiminieboi for tag!!

holy shit this was long,,listen i tag no one but my wife @wingjk bc im literally too lazy to breathe rn

the last:

1. DRINK: passionfruit red tea. it was too sweet i wish i’d gone w green but that’s too sour,,,,honestly a representation of my personality as a whole

2. PHONE CALL: school friend who was wondering where i was

3. TEXT MESSAGE: if messenger counts, @wingjk bc i was going to sleep

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: come back home by bts

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i don’t recall!! perhaps a couple weeks ago?

have you:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: don’t call me out like this

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: not really? i dont regret many things

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: ha

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yes

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: listen

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: i don’t get drunk

top 3 favorite colors

12. black

13. pink

14. in your area

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yes and i love them

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE:  L I S T E N

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: rarely, but yes!!

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: yall. assholes. love to gossip. and i love finding out about it so it’s a mutually beneficial thing

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: doesn’t everyone change me to some degree?? yes, though i do think a lot of the char dev ive undergone was internally motivated and not bc of a specific person,,,i just want to treat people better.

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: yes and i Love Them

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: ppft no who the fuck even facebooks in the year 2k17,,,tho,, @wingjk​ hmu ;(

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: none

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a kitten !! listen he’s an asshole but i love him

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: as in legally?? i wish!! hopefully soon

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: ha ha dont talk to me

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: i overslept today bc my sleeping schedule is,,,,,very good,,,,,,,,,,,

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: readin fanfic rip

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: hobi. wheres. ur. mixtape. where. also MY BDAY IS IN LESS THAN A MONTH !!! LOVE ME !!!!!!

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: uhm yesterday

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: listen,

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: the sweet sound of everyone being loud as fuc

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: i dont think so ??

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: people breathing around me

lost questions

34. MOLE(S): ya

35. MARK(S): scars ?? i fell into a ditch once and i still have the scars from that,,also depression isnt ideal

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: to be a lawyer

37. HAIR COLOR: brown but im gna bleach it someday

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR:  short-ish

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: not romantically but i am currently interested in someone, yeees

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: sometimes the planets alighn just right and i say something quotable that im proud of

41. PIERCINGS: that havent healed completely already ? 2, in my ears

42. BLOODTYPE: red

43. NICKNAME(S): q, ‘that asshole’, kyu

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: not looking

45. ZODIAC: leo

46. PRONOUNS: im agender. i strongly prefer it/its for Reasons but some of yall fucks take offense bc ‘but u are not an object!!’ and like. listen. if u think that using ‘they/them’, which i do not want to be called, is somehow more respectful to my identity ???  ? ?  ? i dont rly have much to say. in spaces where people are less tolerant and presentation overrides id, i go by she/hers.

47. FAVOURITE TV SHOW: i dont watch them anymore but ill always have a special spot in my heart for hannibal and my earliest experiences w bbc sherlock (ahahah can u believe i used to be a sh blog tho)

48. TATTOOS: not yet!! i want to get mine right the first time

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: technically ambidextrous but ive been using my right hand for so long (bc u dont rly realize how inconvenient literally everything is w left hand until u try it skdfjgfg) that it’s now my dominant one

50. SURGERY: yes, but minor

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nop but ive shaved it all off once

52. SPORT: used to sail, used to kayak, now i possess no skills. i actually ish i did have a sport i play regularly, but, i am a Lazy Fuck,

53. VACATION: aksdjfd i dont rmbr !! i travelled a lot when i was young. now we just go to neighboring countries over breaks sometimes.

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: not converse low, that’s 4 sure

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: nothing, but hopefully about to

56. DRINKING: nothing, but hopefully about to

57. I’M ABOUT TO: eat, drink, go home

58. WAITING FOR: senpai to answer my anon ask. senpai pls. senpai im dying here i only get wifi sporadically for like 10 min at a time senpai plsease

59. WANT:  see hoseok irl someday, to not fail my year end exams, to have a good future after this. if we’re going wildly unrealistic, give me financial stability and the power to play piano proficiently.

60. GET MARRIED: honestly i think this would depend on where i am in life, where my partner(s) is/are in life, and what we want out of our relationship (plus, my generation supposedly killed marriage, so)

61. CAREER: listen i used to want to be a lawyer real bad before i grew up and realized im a fuckign depressed idiot who cant do shit so now im just hoping for some kind of stable job that i wont hate,,,,,,i lean towards the social sciences, and they’re what im best at, but my fucking dumb ass is currenly taking natural sciences instead because ????? no fuckin clue, past me, what the fuck,

62. HUGS OR KISSES: i dont like hugs much, so kisses. though i do like to cuddle ??? i think ??? theoretically ???? normally i just dont let ppl touch me

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: couldn’t care less but theres smth hot abt someone being taller than me (unrelated news kuroo is 187cm holy shit fuck T O W E R O V E R M E)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: as in ?? romantically ?? to be friends with ?? if it’s the former, almost definitely older. for the latter, i prefer older, but personality matters more than age does.

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: dont care. tho if u have arms that could snap my neck, 

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: as in me ?? listen im both. im both. but if we’re talking partners, i imagine kuroo is plenty loud, so that,

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: listen i dont care as long as it’s enjoyable and mutually beneficial

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: hm

have your ever:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: nop

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nop

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yes, but found them

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: ya!!

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nop

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: not intentionally ??

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: : l i s t e n

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nop im a good upstanding citizen

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: as in irl ?? i dont think so

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: hm, no, i,

do you believe in:

80. YOURSELF:  ya im great. im a piece of shit but *insert trash can not trash cannot meme*

81. MIRACLES: nah

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: nah

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah. attraction, maybe

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: do what u want !! 

85. ANGELS: @wingjk is one so i can confirm

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): van, iv, jess are u a best friend or am i reading u wrong, id say drea but she’s my soulmate, id say nastya but she’s my wife and will complain i friendzoned her

other

87. EYE COLOUR: greenish

88. FAVOURITE MOVIE: casino royale !!! also all the ghibli things were my childhood

[pearlcrysta]

Venting Sobfest. Moving on. Fanfics are hard to write like this. Cause they end up with me being a sadist on the chars. Readers want fluff too.

Writing on phone.

Or, how u can use all ur. built up emotions and feelings to write sobfest for readers.

I am a pretty selfish being when it comes to friendships - online too. I feel constantly lonely in real life and can t help wonder what is wrong with me to appall certain people whom I had never encountered troubles with.

At University – there was a group of acquaintances - they were very much friends with each other. While I was just there.

Never included in their out-of-college experiences.

I also am not a human who is a pushover, like purposely want to self-invite to things just to be forcefully included. I can also semi-sense when people ask you out of politeness to go somewhere, but the answer they wanna hear is ‘no’.

Or, when I ran late to class, no one bothered saving a seat for me. Some rarely did out of courtesy, only when i messaged them. While for their 'friends’, they d do it on instinct even if they end up skipping class.

I was always at the bottom choice when group projects were made. Even though i generally aim to be serious on such projects since grade doesn t reflect just my own performance.

The other has to have a good mark too. Still… always picked last.

It’s little things like this that upset me socially throughout college, hurting me even a year gafterwards since contact with anyone from there is rare… And at the same time I realize - i can t force someone to be my friend.

Or to like me.

These people mostly lived together in dorms. I lived at home cause college is 40 mins from home —- easy-peasy to have gotten there.

They interacted offline a lot. I do online more with them.and by more - school work more while they managed to naturally drift for topics.

I could have put more effort. I know I could but I am socially awkward as f,feeling most comfy online where friendships seem so much easier to make.

…

And cause it s so easier to me online, when i find an emotional support, i tend to cling on it. xD irritatingly. even if i like a person or have a crush on them online, in the end, any romance will be dead, slaughtered by things like distance (different countries, livelihoods, dreams).

Not every crush should be followed through. 

Even if we could write for hours, long term thing other than friendship would have been an emotional hassle. A pain that I don t want anymore. And despite liking him, I know a futureless ship when i see it so my heart gets over it - or pretends to. Honestly, I liked him because he paid attention to me, helped me a lot in games and was there to greet me so eagerly every single day for months.

Months in a row.

Showering love of all sort.

And I tried my best to help him back.

But i also got tired of listening to broken record problems. I m human too. xD i can t always find supportive words. Not when i am told that he would move to my country just to stay with me.

As a friend too.

I managed to convince him eventually how bad an idea it was to do so - for a girl online. Friendzoned hard as f — that s how i heartlessly did it.

He said he was ok with it as long as he could be around me.

It was nearly a year of amazing friendship when it all soured since March.

April maybe.

When he found a replacement for everything he once sought in me. He got over me - friendship wise too. I am no longer relevant to his daily life.

No longer important enough to greet.

No longer important to care for.

No longer an excited 'hea’ 'heya’ 'smiley face’.

No longer interested in my day.

No longer caring if i am sad. Even when i specify i am sad because of him and him ignoring me, saying how rekt I was for him replacing me — he says that when he was sad that i shrugged it away or said for him to be quiet. I didn.t want to listen to his problems anymore.

… What… the… fuck????!!!!

Sorry for not having patience 24/7 like ur new twin does. He s also not sorry for moving on from talking to someone who made him feel bad, to someone who supports him 100%.

…. Hah…

That was heartbreaking to hear cause I never thought I wronged him to this extent. Why the f did he bottle so much and then come with the crap that 'i tried to tell you, you wouldn t listen’????????????

There s a difference between “trying” and “fucking telling”!!!!!

Even though he promised he would always be there for me - as a friend. He broke this promise.

Like he broke many other promises.

Little things added together.

Drifting away so much it hurts.

I fck up too at things - i was no innocent victim and had selfish moments. I admit, I fucking liked to have someone give a damn that i was worth a small greeting every single day.

I felt less lonely.

Loved.

But he was clingy too. So clingy at first, dear god. Super clingy - Yoosung style almost - and i would point out that i d need some space.  never meant an entire black hole type of space. It s tiresome to talk for hours, months on end with a human. even one u like their company of.

I can t do it well.

I m tired… … … I m depressed.

How easy people use me. Just to throw me away when they find better. Or no longer need me for their issues. Cause they have BETTER. …. Forcing out topics for the sake of it made me feel drained to keep up… i needed some breathing space. So, It s back to suffocating loneliness space now, i got my fucking wish apparently.

Because he found his emotional twin whom he connects perfectly with.

While I ve become disposable trash.

He didn t say this - I assume I am trash to him for how he reacts around me. Confronting him did no good ((ultimately, it s my fault i couldn t help him anymore and he did what i wanted. Only problem is, he did too well)).

I stay invisible for days — no signs of concern from his part.

I come online and chat on public channels — barely acknowledged. I start a lot of conversations now whereas before he jumped on my chat every single day. If I don t write first, we are silent for days. And when I do write, it s mostly me begging for game things now. cause i m insensitive like that. And dunno how to talk to him naturally anymore. I pretend to be ok. And happy for the situation. when all i want is things to return to how it was before the fallout…

…

Tonight i flipped off.

I had it.

He shows love, friendship and has secrets with his twin — remember when u said u d never keep secrets from me? Yeah? I know u forgot.

Like you forgot about me.

Cause i am a fucking replaceable human. XD which u make it clear every single day by how much love u pour to ur twin. While I get is yelling, cold shoulder or not even a glancing thought anymore in ur day.

How am I doing?

U don t care that I have cried before, why would u now?

All i m ever left with are promises that end up half assed and empty. friendship that makes me cry more than an online relationship ever fucking did — I even left the common discord group we shared and he gave zero fucks.

… …

You don t even notice me gone…

XD … …

Seeing u happy while I am so torn. When u were emotionally bad, I helped u. Spent hours and hours to cheer u up and I can t even fucking convince u to do the same for me anymore.

If ur twin asks u for stuff or needs anything, u run at her like a dog. When I do, u act like it s the hardest thing ever to do in life. … … … … The only good part is out of all this is that it s giving me material for my MysMe fanfiction. I m using the story to vent and crap on MC s emotions. Using Magic Zen power to heal. Story probably going to shit anyway xD you reading my story was a nice feeling. But u stopped. If ur twin would write one, u d gobble it up like candy.

…

I m a sour person XD 

maybe that s why people find it easy to treat me like this.

Intentionally or not, I can t handle my emotions anymore… so i follow my advice and quit on those that cause me pain. At least until i can be mature enough to handle the switch in social dynamics.

It takes months but i ll get over this hurdle.

Investing so much time and energy on someone who d fucking dump me aside for a “better” version.

I ll always remember this treatment though.

...

...

Conclusions: need to reach out to the few friends i have left. @.@ gdi. 

[mariequeerie]

every question!!

okay, thanks! i know this is late but ive been busy lately so hereeee we go:

VALENTINE'S DAY | ASK SPECIAL

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? -i have the sweetest bf ever hes my crush

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?- currently im the most in love ive ever been

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?-1 year and progressing

4: Have you ever changed for someone?-i have bpd that tells me i gotta change to be liked so,, ye

5: How is your relationship with your ex?- nonexistent and cold

6: Have you ever been cheated on?- i really hope not

7: Have you ever cheated?-no, i would never

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?- no 

9: What's the most important part of a relationship?-emotional trust

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?-serious

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?-no it feels like a cop out just work through your problems and stay together

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?-i dont do hook ups

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?-the way i ended it was inhumane

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?-its really case specific but i think if they’re educated and with someone of their own maturity they can tell when they’re ready. i dont think sex should be thought of as so severe

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?-no. no. gross. creepy. pedophilia. bad 

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?- no, i think love has to be built over time with work and interaction

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?-yes, i dont see why it wouldnt be, so long as you dont fully rely on physical presence

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?- cheating, forcing me into things i dont want, unsupportive, shallow, stupid

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?-ive only done this once and that was because my friends pointed out to me that it was actually abusive sooooo

20: Are you currently in a relationship?-yes @the-long-awaited-spaceman is the love of my life

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?- yes, if the relationship ended in mutual agreement

22: Do you think people should date their friends?- thats all ive ever done and it makes for a really cute, close relationship!

23: How many relationships have you had?-3

24: Do you think love can last forever?-yes

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?-no

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?-god no, if i did that id only date straight, white, christian boys

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?-stop chasing boring straight boys

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?-yes

29: What do you notice first about another person?-voice, hair, and height i think

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?-no, otherwise i would never have dated anyone. i am severely mentally ill and i like to help and love my partner

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?-yes, physically and emotionally

33: Do you want to get married one day?-yes!

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?-risky and cliche

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?- yes but its not preferred 

36: Are you still a virgin?-no

37: What's more important: Looks or personality?-70% personality

38: Do you enjoy love films?-not usually

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?-yes

40: Have you ever had a valentine?-yesssss

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?-maybe a lil lunch and then going to a bookstore and going home, reading books, and fucking reallly hard

42: Have you ever read "Romeo &and Juliet"?-yes! i love Shakespeare. why is this question on here tho its not a love story

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?-both are essential to me

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?- i try but im bad at it

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?-im dating my best friends, and yeah id date almost all of em

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?-thats not a thing my dude

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?-bill nye and neil degrasse tyson 

48: What's your favorite love song?-kiss me by ed sheeran i think

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?-i think so like few times

50: If you're single, why do you think you are?- im not

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?-ummmmm idk id be a sugar baby tbh.... i luv muney

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?-surprisingly yeah?

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?-not rlly no

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?-i rlly dont care what other people know.

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?-yea yes yep

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?-probs?

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?-i mean its silly but i get the feeling of severe abandoment trauma and id probs do it...

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?-sub!!!!! 

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?-no 

60: What's your opinion on open relationships?- cool but not for me

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?-partner. i hate my family

62: How do you define "cheating"?-physically touching someone in a sexual way without your partners direct consent

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?-no sometimes we watch it together :)

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?-enh i mean its cute but

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler”?-hellllll yeeees

[wisteriafield]

All of them

IF YOU ASK…

Also I almost completed this but then shit happened and I had to do EVERYTHING all over again so shit’s fucked.

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

On my girlfriend lol.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

I’m deeply in love with my gf!

When I was younger, it was more like extreme infatuation.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?

Current one with my girlfriend!

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

Yep! For the better. It was as much for myself as it was for my girlfriend.

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

I’ve only been in a relationship with one person.

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

Nope!

7: Have you ever cheated?

Also nope!

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?

Depends on how much I know them, but I probably could just go in with low expectations.

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?

Feeling comfortable with each other and a good foundation of communication.

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

I like to be in serious relationships, yeah!

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?

It happens.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

Just my current girlfriend!

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

When I speak without thinking too much about what I’m saying and it upsets my girlfriend.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

If sex ed was actually a thing here in America, it’d be fine because there’d probably be less mystique surrounding it and using it as a rite of passage. It’d probably be done more safely. Otherwise I’d say around the 20s is a safe number.

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?

If you mean, “You can still find love no matter how old you are,” then yes!

If you mean, “I, a 30 year old, should not feel ashamed for wanting to be in a relationship with this 18 year old,” or something like that, then no.

They’re very different things, I assure you.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”?

You know, I don’t know how I feel about this myself.

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?

sweats

But in all seriousness, yes.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

If you take interest in me but belittle all of my interests. If you don’t play video games. If me being Asian is particularly important to you. And lastly, if you belittle the LGBT movement. If you have criticisms, that’s one thing that’s valid, but to put it down entirely is something else.

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?

If I woke up feeling nervous about how talking to them would be like, I think that’s a good indicator.

I’ve never felt it before, but I think that’s how I would start feeling.

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

Yep!

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

Yeah.

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

Depends largely on the two individuals in question more than it does for any other question. 

23: How many relationships have you had?

Just this one.

24: Do you think love can last forever?

Yeah!

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

As naive as it sounds, yes! Love, by itself, isn’t the all-conqueror, but it can be the main force.

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?

No.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

It’s alright if you haven’t dated anyone by the time you graduate high school. You aren’t mature enough to be in one anyways.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

It can be tough, but I think so.

29: What do you notice first about another person?

If online, their speech patterns. Otherwise, their face, as generic of a response as that sounds.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

Pan!

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

Only if I don’t know how to respond to it, which would be my own fault.

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

Not a romantic one, but yes, both emotionally and mentally.

33: Do you want to get married one day?

Yeah!

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?

I don’t think I could get a tattoo in general orz

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

Hell no lol. I can only masturbate so much, toys or no toys.

36: Are you still a virgin?

Physically, sure.

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality?

Personality. Looks matter a bit, but if I’m favored to their personality then I will find them more beautiful no matter what standard of beauty they are subjected to.

38: Do you enjoy love films?

Generally, I think so.

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

Nope.

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

I might have, I don’t think it ended well though.

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?

Eating together, cuddling, watching each other play video games or playing together.

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?

Yeah. I even got to watch the masterpiece that is the modernized adaptation “Romeo + Juliet”

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?

Hopefully my partner is among my friends, but if my partner made me choose, I’d say my friends, and my partner if my friends made me choose.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”?

Yeah, I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic, but now I’m just a romantic slut lol.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

lol

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?

I thought I was, turns out I was just being creepy.

I didn’t get to amend it, but to be fair I didn’t really deserve to anyways.

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?

Uhh…

48: What’s your favorite love song?

Hmm…

Hmm…….

Oh! Here we go! [x]

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably, yeah.

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?

I can’t stand someone who’s insufferable towards others even if he was nice to me.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

I think I’m the last person that should be giving relationship advice tbh.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?

Yeah.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?

Formality doesn’t really matter to me too much, but I like saying how much I love my girlfriend if she’s comfortable with it.

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?

No. I enjoy my girlfriend’s presence a lot, and want to spend much time with her, but not so much that I’m watching who she spends time with and want her all to myself.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?

No.

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

Not silly, manipulative.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?

Submissive.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?

Not yet, better stay that way.

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?

I know someone who was in one. It’s complicated stuff. But I won’t judge any part of it.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?

My partner. The circumstances of my identity make it difficult for me to value my family over them, as much as I love my family.

62: How do you define “cheating”?

Betraying your partner’s trust. I feel like that’s all that needs to be said.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

Depends on the terms of the relationship that should be set before this kind of thing occurs. For me, I don’t care, if it gives them new ideas that’s neat.

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?

Nah, I’m okay with PDA and find it cute (I’m allowed to find it cute and be jealous of it too if I’m single)

Personally, I find American chocolate has too much bitterness or too much sweetness and not a good balance, but chocolate is good in general.

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?

YES

[wrestling-goblin]

all the questions!

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?Of course. Don’t we all?2: Have you ever been deeply in love?Oh gosh. I guess?3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?4 years and 11 months. 4: Have you ever changed for someone?Yes. Never again.5: How is your relationship with your ex?We talk sometimes. Not very often. 6: Have you ever been cheated on?Yes.7: Have you ever cheated?No.8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?No. 9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?Trust. 10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?Flings are far less scary.11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?No. If you need time off the person you’re seeing, you’re not meant to be with them. 12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?Hooked up without being in a relationship or beneficial agreement with? I can think of 7 off the top of my head.13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?Entering them in the first place. 14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?It’s never okay for kids to have sex. Teenagers though, I’d say around 15-16. Once they’ve had sex ed in school and realize what the consequences of what they are doing are.15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?I believe it’s a phrase used by gross people who fetishize much younger people to justify their actions.16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”?Absolutely fucking not.17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?Yeah, of course.18: What do you consider a deal breaker?Smoking, any sort of substance abuse problems, refusing to wear a condom, violence of the non-consensual sort.19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?When you don’t smile when you wake up next to them anymore.20: Are you currently in a relationship?Nope.21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?Yes, absolutely.22: Do you think people should date their friends?I don’t see why not.23: How many relationships have you had?3. 24: Do you think love can last forever?I don’t see why not. 25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?Fuck no. Love doesn’t cure cancer, or AIDS, or prevent orange demagogues from deporting the people you love, or anything of the sort.26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?I have before.27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?Not him. Not him either. Nope, not that one. 28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?If there’s an end to the distance in sight, yes.29: What do you notice first about another person?Their height.30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?Whateversexual. 31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?I could lie and say no, but of course it would.32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?No.33: Do you want to get married one day?It’s definitely not a priority.34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?I think it’s fucking stupid.35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?No. Definitely not. Sex is a huge part of relationships for me.36: Are you still a virgin?No.37: What’s more important: Looks or personality?Both equally.38: Do you enjoy love films?It depends on the film, but my favourite movie is a love film.39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?Given and received. 40: Have you ever had a valentine?I’ve never really done anything for valentine’s day. Sending Drew pizza is the most I’ve done in years.41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?Food. Show. Gelato.42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?Approximately 7 times.43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?In the ever-so-wise words of New Found Glory: “Though you swear that you are true, I still pick my friends over you.” My friends win. Always.44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”?Not even a little bit.45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?Absolutely.46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?I don’t believe in the concept of the friend zone. 47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?Hmmmm… Hannes Van Dahl and Floor Jansen, I guess.48: What’s your favorite love song?American Dream by Cartel49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?Yes50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?I have about 489 reasons why I’m single, but the main one is I want to be.51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?Poor and nice.52: Are you good at giving other people advice regarding dating/ relationships?No, I’m garbage at that.53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?Not even a little bit.54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?Not at all. 55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?I would consider myself the exact opposite.56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?No.57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?Let me tell you a story. I lived with my ex-boyfriend as roommates. We hadn’t been together in years and both had seen other people, but I started seeing this guy a bit more seriously and my ex went fucking crazy. He took a bunch of pills, downed it with alcohol, and then slashed his wrists. I had to call an ambulance and send him off to have his stomach pump and found myself on all fours mopping a pint of blood off the floor.  That guy who tried to kill himself over me seeing someone else is happily married right now and has been for the past almost three years. Had he been successful, he would have missed out on this whole part of his life that is so good right now. A broken heart will pass.58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?I guess more dominant. 59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?Yes.60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?I think they work if people are very committed to respecting the rules. 61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?Your partner should become part of your family. 62: How do you define “cheating”?Any affection, emotional or physical, that is outside the scope of what has been agreed upon as being acceptable coming from people outside the relationship.63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?No, what?64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?No. Let people enjoy things.65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?No. 

[lunatone]

Valentine’s Day Questionnaire!

Tagged by @theoriginalyami but I did an awful job with this because I have like 0.5% relatonship experience lol

1. Do you have a crush at the moment? Unfortunately ; - ;

2. Have you ever been deeply in love? I’m in love with my best friends. We’ve all known each other for almost 7 years now and I’d die for them <3

3. Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? More like only relationship I’ve been in. It was two months I think? Maybe a bit more. I'm not sure if it was an actual relationship or not to be honest.

4. Have you ever changed for someone? Yes, most of the change I’ve done for others has been good change I think… I hope haha

5. How is your relationship with your ex? He’s one of my best friends; a total sweetie (●´□`)♡

6. Have you ever been cheated on? No

7. Have you ever cheated? Nonono I would never

8. Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? blahhh maybe? But I’d probably have trust issues

9. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Relationships plz uwu

10. What’s the most important part of a relationship? I’m not sure I can answer this because I haven’t really been a serious relationship. Listening to one another and communication maybe?

11. When you date someone, do you believe in going on “breaks”? Hmmm. I don’t know? If it would actually help the relationship sure? Maybe? Haha I have no idea

12. How many people have you hooked up with? Plz. None im a cave troll

13. What’s one thing you regret doing/saying in a previous relationship? I regret how distant I was. I’m not good with suddenly opening up to people, relationship or not.

14. What’s age do you think its appropriate for kids to start having sex? bluh

15. Do you believe in the phrase “ age is just a number”? When we’re talking about adults? Sure

16. Do you believe in “love at first sight”? Love at first sight definitely isn’t a thing for me but I’m sure it exists for some people c:

17. Do you believe its possible to fall in love on the internet? Absolutely! :D

18. What do you consider a deal breaker? Bad attitudes, doing things that are harmful to the relationship

19. When do you know its time to end a relationship? I guess I’ll say when it feels forced

20. Are you currently in a relationship? Nope im a mega loser (•̀o•́)ง

21. Do you believe people who have dated can stay friends? Yes! the last person I dated is one of my best friends. Although our relationship wasn’t very long and it was over the internet so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about lol

22. How many relationships have you had? 1

23. Do you think people should date their friends? Yeah! If they want to. I only crush on people that I’m really good friends with haha. They never like me back haha... :’)

24. Do you believe love can last forever? Of course~

25. Do you believe love can conquer all things? No.

26. Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? Not at all lol. My parents are super protective and would say I’m not allowed to have a bf anyway. They’d hate anyone I’d end up dating

27. If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating, what would it be? Don’t go out with someone if you don’t really feel the same way. after a week it all starts to feel forced and awful.

28. Do you think long distance relationships can work? Yeeeeees. I think I actually prefer them? Maybe? The only cool people I ever meet are on the internet askdjsad

29. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Good personalities and if they’re funny or not c:

30. What is your sexual orientation? Straight

31. Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illnesses? lol not at all

32. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No

33. Do you want to get married one day? Uhhhhhhhh no idea... wow im doing really badly with this tag haha

34. What do you think about getting your partners name tattooed? NopeNopeNope I’ll write your name in sharpie on my forehead though :D

35. Could you be in a relationship without sex? Absolutely, I think prefer not to be touched at all actually. Idk. listen I don’t know anything about this.

37. What’s more important: looks or personality? Personality! <3

38. Do you enjoy love films? I enjoy films of all genres as long as they’re well written~~

39. Have you ever given anyone/ received roses? Yes! My birthday is on valentine's day so I almost always get flowers from someone. Even if I’ve never actually had a relationship during V-day

40. Have you ever had a valentine? @elroy-mcscarffington ur my valentine right, Red? ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

41. Perfect date? Staying home doing nothing or playing games or reading or something chill

42. Have you ever read “Romeo and Juliet”? It’s my least favorite of Shakespeare’s plays

43. What more important: friends or partner? I see a partner as a friend so I’m going to say they’re both equally important. I don’t like how society places romantic relationships over platonic ones

44. Could you imagine yourself dating one of your current friends? Hahaha, listen. Me crushing on friends is like the current problem here

45. Do you consider yourself romantic? No im more of an awkward slime puddle

46. Have you ever been friendzoned? I’ve never confessed my feelings to anyone before so ???? Idk

47. Which famous couple is your favorite? Bluhhhhh

48. If you’re single, why do you think you are? I’m a cave troll with social anxiety

49. Are you good at giving people advice about dating/relationships? I dont knoooo all these questions are hard ; - ;

50. Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? No, they have nothing to do with me (unless the person in the couple is the person I like then askdljaskdjaskd)

51. How important is it to make a relationship official (facebook)? Not important at all, do what you want :D

52. Are you the dominant or submissive part in a relationship? Listen...

53. What’s your opinion on open relationships? Whatever works for the relationship is fine. Just as long as all parties know it’s an open relationship

54. What’s more important: family or partner? Depends on how long I’ve known the partner. It’s ether going to be family>partner or equal

55. How do you define cheating? Is there anything different than the one definition?

56. Do you think valentines day is overrated? Yes, but it’s on my birthday and I like candy plz send me some <3333

57. Would you consider yourself a cuddler? In theory, yes. but I honestly don’t like to be touched much… im self conscious and really ticklish aaaa

I tag anyone who feels like doing this ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

[skiasurveys]

i dont know what number this is

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? - my boyfriend.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? - currently am. for the first time actually, never felt like this.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? - almost a year. I think connor will be my longest. unless im forgetting someone LMAO.

4: Have you ever changed for someone? Yeah but for the best.

5: How is your relationship with your ex? -we used to talk more often but he tried to fuck me ( we never fucked in our relationship, i was a virgin when we dated ),  but i told him I was dating someone else and he just gets so annoying. He's really annoying, actually.

6: Have you ever been cheated on? - nah

7: Have you ever cheated? - No

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? -No.

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? - most ppl say being loyal or having someone but really its the connection. Like youre dating your best friend and thats cool.

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? - I had a chat with someone about this; I think breaks just mean " Im going to date other ppl but im gonna keep you in the background incase no one else works"

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? - Ive never hooked up with anyone ( if youre talking about sex) lol.

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? - I told him way too much personal stuff way early in the relationship and I said I love you when I didnt even mean it. Ugh.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? KIds??? KIDS?? KIDS HAVING SEX??? that should answer your quesiton.

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? -Yes but unless youre 15 dating someone over 20+ thats weird as shit. But once youre both adults and are consenting then whatever. But i do like when a dude is 34 dating a 20 yr old, thats weird as shit and he prob jsut wants to bone.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? - No you can meet someone and click and then fall in love. But youre not loving them. You cant love someone until you know them and have a connection.

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? - I mean if youre talking all the time and maybe skyping, then sure. But i dnt think so.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? cheating

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?  When you literally do not feel anything for them. If you dont feel anything, dont stay. Youre hurting them and yourself.

20: Are you currently in a relationship? Yes, 8 months. 05/10/16. <3

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?  Yeah, ive stayed friends with dudes ive dated. I think if you weren't super serious or close, then yeah. My most current ex and I are still "friends", we dont hang out or anything we talk tho

22: Do you think people should date their friends? If youre into them, yeah!

23: How many relationships have you had?  So about 4/5 but a few of those were flings. about 2 of those were serious and the current one im in is serious

24: Do you think love can last forever? Yes.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? Not everything.

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?  Nope. My mom really doesnt think my bf is good for me but i dont give a shit, its like whatevr. he makes me happy and im adult sooo

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? - Don't just date him because he said youre pretty, and dont trust every boy.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? - Yeah if you work on it.

29: What do you notice first about another person? smile and hair.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? straight.

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? No, because i already do and i think he has depression he just doesnt deal with it. he smokes weed lol

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? - Yeah.

33: Do you want to get married one day? - I do.

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? - No because if you ever break up, then its awkward.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? - i could but i need sex to feel loved.

36: Are you still a virgin? Nope

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? - both.

38: Do you enjoy love films?  yeah theyre okay.

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? Yeah last valentines day, but i dont care about roses tbh.

40: Have you ever had a valentine?  I had one last year, and he broke up with me after our dinner. ( wtf?) but I will this year i'll be with Connor <3

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?  Being happy.

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?  Yes and its not romantic.

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?  Both.  I have a personal level with my boyfriend but if i dont have my friends then im going to be lonely. Because your friends are always there for you.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? YEE.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? ehh, if i wasnt dating my current bf, maybe. but im not attracted to any of my friends.

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? - friend zone doesn exist. they just didnt like you.

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?  No one lol

48: What’s your favorite love song? - I cant help falling in love with you - elvis

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? - yeah my one boyfriend i had to break up with because we were long distance and he was 7 hours ahead of me and then he randomly went to work and stopped talking to me for like a little more than a month and so I was like " Im breaking up with you blah blah" and then when he came back he was hurt and tried to get me back but I cant do online relationships.

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? Im not.

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? poor but nice.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? - Yes. usually.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? - usually.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? - I love it on facebook but connor doesnt care for facebook so we dont really have it, but he tells everyone about me so thats good!

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? -almost all 3 lol. I get clingy and overly attached but not where its like he cant get away from me lol and i get jealous when i see someone whose better looking

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? - No, and i would hate to do that!

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? - No, suicide is never silly.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? -submissive. I always go to Connor for help and stuff.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? No he hasnt. and our anniversary is confusing because we were dating off and on in the begining like we were seeing eachother and then we made it offical randomly so yea

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? I think it's stupid. Honestly. whats the point of dating someone and then hooking up with someone else like youre basically just saving that person so that if you cant find someone else better that you at least have them. and its a waste of time.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?  that depends.

62: How do you define “cheating”? If you have to hide it, youre cheating.  

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? - eh i watch porn, i see hot dudes and i know he sees hot chicks but i dont care, as long as hes not telling me or being like "this chick is so hot" but yeah i mean he doesnt do it when im there lol

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?  Yes, i think its dumb that we need a day to force ppl to go out on dates when you can do that whenever it also pressures ppl tbh 65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? yes.