#He blames himself for Alastor's death every damn day
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the-nexus · 7 months ago
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" ... Lulu... "
He tries to keep his voice soft, quiet, so as to not startle the king from his slumber too harshly, but with the way Lucifer is tossing and turning in his sleep, Alastor thinks he may just be doing him a favor by waking him up by whatever means necessary. Fingers settle upon one of the older man's shoulders, shaking him gently, at first... but, when that doesn't work, Alastor takes matters fully into his own hands by taking Lucifer, quite literally, into his own hands, too.
He's careful as he pulls him from beneath the covers and cradles him, smoothing a palm through messy sunshine strands. " Lulu... you're having a nightmare, I believe, but I'm here. Do wake up, please, so you can see that everything is alright. Lulu... come on now... "
@radiodaemon
These nightmares had become more frequent. The occasional bad dream wasn't uncommon for himself, or anyone, really. But as of late, they were almost nightly now. And always the same horror.
Repeats of Alastor's death.
But, unlike how it had happened, Lucifer was trapped, observing his lover's death. And all he could do was scream, or attempt to. His lips would part, but little to no sound left them. No matter how hard he struggled against his restraints, he couldn't move. Couldn't intervene. Forced to watch as his loving husband was chased by hounds and shot mercilessly. Over and over.
It had become difficult for the king to willingly rest, knowing this nightmare was to return. He thought, with Alastor by his side, that his mind would be filled with pleasant dreams. After all, the man he's loved for a century was here. Alive. Well. And warm in his arms.
Yet, his mind saw fit to remind him of his failure to protect what mattered most to him. Made him relive the trauma again and again until he woke in sweat and tears.
This night, however, was slightly different. As per usual, he was looking on as his lover was to be slain before his eyes, Lucifer reaching out and trying to call out to him. Then, just as the sound of gunfire sounded, everything around him was swallowed in darkness. The wretched visions that crushed his heart and soul simply vanished and in the pit of those shadows flickered a light....and a voice.
' I'm here. '
' Wake up. '
' Everything is alright. '
His entire body was warm, the feel of those arms he knew so well wrapped around him. Slowly, he cracked his eyes open, blinking slowly through a few tears as they adjusted to the face in front of them. And there...crimson eyes looked back at him with concern. It took Lucifer a few moments to realize he was no longer dreaming. It was the heat from Alastor and the fingers in his hair that roused him from his daze and truly woke him.
"Good morning, my Doe," he murmured, cracking a tired smile before reaching up and drawing Alastor in for a tender kiss, the short king pouring every ounce of his love into it as he could possibly muster. This thumb stroked Alastor's cheek, a few stray tears managing to slip from his closed eyes.
"I missed you," he whispered against his lips.
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charlastor-hoe-6 · 5 years ago
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Hellfire {Charlastor}
{Okay so I have been wanting to write a fanfic that deals with Hellfire and Charlastor for so long, like you seriously have no idea and hearing the beautiful project from Rainbott, where I heard Alastor sing Hellfire instantly gave me the inspiration back.
I did struggle on deciding with the setting for this. My original plan was to have it take place in hell with them both being demons. But then I changed my mind. While Alastor isn't a complete priest in this story then he is still a very godly man. He meets Charlie at a party that was hosted by her family. When he saw her something in him changed. Also, yes I know Alastor is asexual but he is still capable of those feelings and desires which is why I thought that it would be even more interesting that nobody has ever made him so sinful before and he just grows obsessed with her through hatred and love (even if what he's feeling can't really be called love xD) but yeah I hope this explains it and I really hope you'll enjoy!}
Beata Maria
You know I am a righteous man,
Of my virtue I am justly proud,
Alastor sighed quietly to himself as he looked at the fireplace in his huge room. It was rare of him to show an expression besides his smile. In fact he had never ever showed nothing but his smile in front of those other imbeciles but something wasn't right and he hated that. There was a deep pain and desire eating him from the inside. Something that made him feel crazy. As of late someone had taken over his mind, more precisely, a woman, yet that woman was on his mind and just wouldn't leave him alone. No, he was the one who was always supposed to be in control. Things weren't supposed to be this way! He turned around, his back facing the fireplace, and he started pacing around in his room.
Beata Maria,
You know I`m so much purer than,
The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd,
He stared back at the fire after a few moments. The feeling being way too tempting to refuse. Those burning flames reminded him of his sins for falling for that beautiful, yet wretched temptress. The day he first saw that golden haired woman, something changed inside of him. He was an all powerful man. He was always higher and better then anybody else. But when he saw that bright smile. He was caught off guard
It wasn't a facade, that smile and joy were completely real. Seeing her dance and laugh so joyously made his heart clench in his chest. When he asked her to dance with him then her smaller hand in his felt so right and seeing those brown eyes stare into his own made him feel so weird and ever since after that dance he wasn't able to get her out of his head.
Then tell me, Maria,
Why I see her dancing there,
Why her smoldering eyes still scorch my soul,
Alastor felt as if he was truly losing every ounce of his sanity, going more and more insane with this feeling deep inside of him. He didn't want to experience these feelings. His entire life he had been better to feel so pathetic. Like any other commoner would. But here he was. It made him sick with need, sick with the feeling of wanting to have the girl close to him. He hated it. He absolutely despised it. God knows he wanted to get rid of this sickening feeling inside of him. This was, oh so wrong. He couldn`t have these stupid feelings towards her. This stupid girl who had made a great man such as himself, weak at his knees.
I feel her,
I see her,
The sun caught in her golden blonde hair,
Is blazing in me out of all control,
The more he stared into those flames, then the more he saw the girl's smiling face. This girl was tainting him, teasing him, tearing him apart. He felt as if he was burning from inside and out. It was unfair! He shouldn't feel like this. No, he couldn`t feel like this! Though he hated himself even more for feeling such a need towards that girl. He needed her more than anything as of now, yet he wanted nothing more than to get rid of her as well for doing this to him! Though even death sounded as too blissful of a punishment for that temptress.
Like fire,
Hellfire,
This fire in my skin,
This burning desire
Is turning me to sin,
Ever since that fateful day she had haunted him day and night. He couldn't pull himself free from that witch's clutches. That girl was to blame for all of this, not him. None of this was his fault nor would it ever be. Everything had gone wrong ever since he first met her. How Now he was so needy, obsessed and lustful. It was only because of that one witch. He didn`t understand why and Alastor hated things he didn't understand and had no control over.
It`s not my fault,
I`m not to blame,
It is that cursed girl,
The witch that set this flame,
Alastor had never felt a need like this before. He felt no attraction towards anyone. These lustful feelings were completely new to him and he didn't understand them. Why did she have to come his way and ruin him in such a way? She was disgusting. She was a demon in his eyes. This need. This indescribable feeling of lust was unexplainable to him. He wanted the girl under him, screaming his name, looking up at him with such love in those gorgeous brown orbs. The girl showing her that she needed him just as much as he wanted and needed her. Even though those thoughts only managed to anger him more, This was wrong wrong wrong. This was all wrong!
It`s not my fault,
If in God`s plan,
He made the devil so much,
Stronger than a man,
Yet there was one thing that he was sure of. He wasn't to blame for these feelings, this damn desire clawing at his soul. It was the girl's fault and only hers. Everything had gone wrong since their first encounter. If she wouldn't have tempted him that much on that fateful day, then wouldn`t be in such situation right now because of her. He was strong and all powerful and he would end up winning in the end.
Protect me, Maria,
Don`t let this siren cast her spell,
Don`t let her fire sear my flesh and bone,
Of course, he just had to see the girl smiling and laughing in his mind. Those visions plagued him non stop and drove him insane. He could see her do those sedutive moves, skipping and dancing around, all of that had made him feel so filthy. He wanted this teasing to stop. More then anything! He wanted this temptress as far away from him as possible. He truly counted himself to be far above over such disgusting, sinful desires. Every single other woman he had met left him feeling indifferent, why couldn't she have been the same way? He hated how much he wanted nothing more than to have the girl wrap her arms around him, look up at him with those beautiful orbs. He would do anything to feel those soft lips against his, but he couldn`t give in. No he just couldn't. He had to make god see that he was indeed worthy of him and he was, he really was. Until that girl came along and ruined absolutely everything.
Destroy Charlie!
And let her taste the fires of hell,
Or else let her be mine and mine alone,
A quiet growl left past Alastor's lips. No matter where he looked he was haunted by that damned girl, but especially in those mesmerising flames.Everything reminded him of the girl. He would get the girl and own her. Oh yes he would. He would take her all for himself, since the girl made him feel so dirty then he had every right to return that feeling. But he would make it so much worse. He would destroy her. He would make the girl feel the same way as he did. That gorgeous, yet damned girl would love him too. He was planning for her to feel pain and insanity that he was forced to feel because of her. Most importantly he would make the girl love him. Because he loved her. He really did, even though it felt like such a sin.
Hellfire,
Dark fire,
Now, my darling,
It`s your turn,
It would be Charlie's turn to feel this agony Now it was her time to feel the pain she made him feel for all this time. Alastor would make the girl pay for everything she had caused him with pain and torture. But eventually that pain and anger would be turned into love and adoration. Yes, the girl would look at him with hearts in her gorgeous eyes by the end of it.
Choose me or,
Your pyre,
Be mine or you will burn!
He looked down at his shaking hands that held the napkin. The only object of her's that he had in his possession. He glared and gripped it tightly in his hand, before throwing it into the fireplace in anger. It burned quickly, just like his darling would if she didn`t choose him, as her one and only. Oh but her suffering would be so much more slower and painful. So much more enjoyable for him. God would get rid of those not worthy. He felt a bang of pain in his heart as he grabbed onto his chest. The need to have the girl was enormous. He just wanted the girl right now, hugging onto him with her slender arms.
God have mercy on her,
God have mercy on me,
But she will be mine,
Or she will,
Burn!
The man fell onto his knees. This weakness made him feel more sick then anything but he would be the one to laugh by the end of it. He would take that temptress and make her all his. Yes, he would give the girl two choices, either she would be his and only his, or she would be suffer a fate worse then death itself. Either way the girl would only be his forever. No matter what she would choose. He would get all of her love, all of it and the girl would yearn for him. Go insane for him and his very presence to be near her. They'd be one in body and soul. They would be together, before he completely lost his mind. A deep sigh left past his lips as he forced himself to stand up and sat down at his bed. Soon, so soon he would let his plans unfold. If he were to fall into darkness, then he would make sure to drag her down with him, so they would be together forever.
It was her who had made him feel this sick desire so she would be the one who would have to deal with the consequences.
After all, love really made a man do crazy things.
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gamergirluprising · 5 years ago
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Alastor’s Possible Backstory, Emotional, And Mental State.
Okay, so, I find Alastor from Hazbin Hotel one of the few characters that interest me due to his sheer mysterious aura. He has a lot of secrets and I’d like to dissect this man down to his mannerisms, his beliefs, his (low-key/high-key?) pessimistic view of life, and his use of voodoo. I personally am not a fan of the said show since it’s pretty vulgar and hasn’t caught my attention due to the possible problems I see in the show (Why the heck did the God in this universe allow a hierarchy to take place AND give people superpowers by turning them into magical animals and such? Why did he even make a Hell?) 
But anyway, I’m not here to discuss my likes and dislikes about the show, I'm here to discuss the Radio Demon and what could have possibly happened in his life as a child to start this craziness and explain his complex personality, mental state, and emotional state. Alrighty with that being said, LET’S DISSECT!
MENTA L~𝓔𝓜𝓞𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓐𝓛 ~BEGINNING
Dude’s got a mental problem fam, and I'm not saying this just cause this man’s teeth are as yellow as Bill Cipher’s entire existence. No, no, no this man is crazy for not just his unhinged need to see other’s fail and to have utter and complete control(Will tackle later) he’s crazy for his huge narcissistic behavior. Dude, Honestly thinks he’s better than everyone and ONLY allows those he thinks are worthy into his “friend” circle. I quote friend because I’m not too sure how exactly and deeply he feels about Rosie aside from their relationship being like Jack and Mary from Mary Poppins Returns, as stated by Vivzie on twitter. He finds those who don’t always smile as people who are WEAK and LAUGHABLE and regardless of how they are, he still finds them to be weak, which BY GOD is such a flawed way of thinking GEEZ. Now after reading about Alastor and becoming more intrigued, I decided to do research on his behavior and when and how it starts. 
𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦 has 9 defining traits. I’ll go over a few that I’ve noticed.
1. He really thinks he’s more important than anyone else and has shown this through his mannerisms, the way he speaks, his vibe and just his general character scream “I’m better than you!”
2. HE LOVES SHOWING OFF! Dude can’t seem to get enough of the spotlight, thus why he LOVES to broadcast his carnage on the radio! Why else would he do so!? He finds constant admiration and respect when he does his “little” display of power!
3. Now, we ALL know he has done some pretty...gruesome things to claim strength and be seen as the strongest, even when there are others who are stronger he displays himself as if he is more dominating and wouldn’t waste his time with, how you say, vermin. This is evident by his response to Vox
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You can find where I found this here at Faustisse’s cleanup and Inking vid of the upcoming Alastor Comic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_15UYpcWJ_Q
In case it is too hard to read due to the bad quality, Alastor is saying “Show off all that and no cattle.” which is pretty much  “all hat, no cattle” (or, alternately, “big hat, no cattle”) which refers to someone who is all talk with no action, power, or substance behind his/her words. I’d applaud this power move, and still kinda do, if it weren’t for this dudes BIG HEAD lol.
BUT, you get the point, the dude is an egomaniac! “We already knew this, I mean DUH!” you say to me pinching the bridge of your nose. “Why do you point out the obvious?!”
Well, notice how severe and prevalent these traits are. Don’t you find it odd how this dude has SEVERE megalomania? Well, I did research and found out that Narcissism has a very sad connection most of the time and affects males more than females.
at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/causes-of-npd here’s what I found
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Notice the parental factors during early childhood are all abuse-related. This could very well be one, if not the main reason, why Al is the way he is: He was abused as a child! And to make matters worse, as I was looking deeper into this, I noticed that sexual abuse is ANOTHER factor, which would explain why Alastor doesn’t like being touched without consent or by surprise but will GLADLY invade other’s personal space to feel in control (He's a hypocrite like that). Sexual assault victims ALSO don’t like being touched without consent so this just adds more proof to my claim! And serial killers tend to have a rough family life and have been molested, taken advantage of, neglected, or all of the above! 
It’s also come to my attention that Alastor enjoys talking with women more than men for 2 reasons. 1) Alastor finds it easier and more enjoyable to talk with women. 2) He finds men to be dumb brutes at least in hell.
I give COMPLETE CREDIT to @dollymoon
Thank you for the awesome amount of facts you’ve provided! RESPECT! https://www.tumblr/dollymoon
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Alastor most likely has a very harsh grudge against the world due to his treatment as a young child. His abuse, and possible loss of his mother growing up, lead to him finding joy in seeing those suffer and fail EVERY SINGLE TIME! Notice the way he talks creepily to Charlie about watching sinners “Repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pits of F A I L U R E.” Look at this man’s face as he’s saying this! The man looks turned on with the VERY fact of people suffering, that’s his kink, y’all, he a damn sadist! (No, being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks, I’ve checked, lol. Got you fam.) Ima kink shame the hell out of this man (Pun-unintended) 
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Ahem, anyway, this dude has got a hate boner for the world and finds relief when exacting pain on others because he feels wronged and feels the world is to blame. He does seem to acknowledge and accept that where he’s at is the end of the road for those who want to change, their chance was when they were alive, and has accepted that this is the natural order of things and they can’t fix that. I had this vibe that he must have gone to church as a kid due to his mom being religious and he loved his mom so he obeyed, Has been stated by Faustisse that he’s a mama’s boy, BUT remember, Vivzie said anything that comes out of HER mouth is what’s canon. Unless she has already stated it as fact any other info can’t be trusted. (Even though this info is PAINSTAKINGLY clear just by him mentioning his mother’s cooking and it just makes too much sense, lol.)
So he must have grown up to be low-key violent but with manners like he practiced being slick and suave in order to trick people into trusting him so that he may kill them without getting caught, which would work perfectly with him not chasing people due to his moral code. He practiced and practiced and seeing as how he was well-off in his later years, I’d assume he started doing his radio schtick when he was in his early 20s or at the age of 18. So he began when the roaring 20s was just starting, a new beginning for him! 
Alastor's name means "he who does not forget", "avenger", "persecutor", "tormenter", "one who suffers from divine vengeance".
(This also makes me think his real name is Alexander/Alexandre since it's the exact opposite of his Hell-Name and more interestingly, in terms of name-giving traditions, between the latter half of the Spanish period (1790-1803) and the beginning of Jim Crow Segregation (1893-1964), gallicized names of classical Greek and Roman origins dominated in Loiusiana. This may be due, in whole, or in part, to the fact that New Orleans had North America’s (excluding Central America and the Caribbean) first Opera Houses and Theatres, owned, frequented and operated by Creoles from Louisiana, Cuba and Saint-Domingue/Haiti. Adonis is my second choice since It literally means "handsome man" and that would totally fit him for his handsomeness to the fact I feel that his mom would def name him this outside of Alexander/Alexandre.) http://www.mylhcv.com/common-creole-names-for-males/
This is a HEAVY hint to what happened in his life and why he’s so drawn to seeing people fail and helps hold my theory together quite a bit, if not a lot. Of all the names to give this dude, he was given a name that legit is on par with the word “Vengeance” and “Avenger”. Vengeance for what? Avenge who? He was wronged. He possibly is angered also by the death of his mother, who was most likely his ONLY ray of light. He is a broken man who most likely has insecurities, based on the info of narcissism which tells us that narcissistic people are the most insecure sorts of people. Alastor is aware of this and sees it as a weakness, something to be culled and hidden from the world never seeing the light of day. His only way of making himself feel stronger and more in control was through voodoo and cannibalism. Many Cannibals believe to be the bees-knees since they go a step FURTHER into crime by devouring their victims and placing themselves into a rank different and more feared by the rest. They see that no one else would even have the balls to attempt to reach that spot, which again leads back to the way Alastor thinks. He just adds oil to the fire when doing voodoo and doing BLOOD RITUALS which you can see him doing when attacking Sir Pentious!  https://twitter.com/hntrgurl13/status/1197918059836690433?s=20
Dude has so much baggage that he hides behind a smile he thinks ALONE brings strength like niBBa are you serious? I’d like to see this man try and say that to the faces of strong people like Superman, Goku, Midoriya, Naruto, Broly, Wonder Woman, GOD. Yo even GOD shows emotions. Wanna know why these beings are strong? It ain’t just cause they smile, Nah, it’s cause they’re determined or the very literal embodiment of determination. they have a damn balance and that strength helps them smile through the pain, they don’t need to exhibit a smile to be strong cause them being themselves and having the strong mentality is what gives them strength, not a damn smile. Watch Charlie hit him with the good old reality check when the man attempts to freaking take over her joint (Both hotel and hell) and she proves strength ain’t just gained through smiling or dominating others. He high-key sounds weak for even having that mindset, only weaklings think like this. He has a very weak view of life which brought forth a monster, or should I say DEMON.
Here’s the info of him not liking being touched.
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I’d also like you guys to keep in mind that Vivzie has stated that none of the characters have split personalities, proving Al knows EXACTLY what he's doing.
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It’s all them but some have a DUALITY to them. As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often(but not always) with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil. If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there's a duality. Notice how Alastor also has a duality in him. What kind tho? Remember those shadows that follow him everywhere? Yeah I'm pretty sure those shadows represents his duality in some way, shape, or form.
I also forgot to add that Masochism and Sadism both ALSO stem from the same things Narcissism does or similar things like being sexually abused as a kid. Remember not all cases are the same, I just wanted to put that out there (Not sure If Al is still a Masochist since that’s old info from him being just a deer and liked it when people tried to kill him.)
So in conclusion:
-Dude was possibly abused as a child by his Father
-he hates society/the world due to his terrible child life
-He possibly feels shame for what he has done and thus has accepted his fate
-He loves his mama and MOST LIKELY hates his father who probs is the one who did him a terrible service for just being his father growing up, this would explain his view on men as well
-He also feels shame for being so weak to even allow his father or any male figure to do what they did to him
-Man gets turned on when seeing people like sinners suffer.
KEEP. IN. MIND. None of this excuses his terrible behavior and excuses for being so power-hungry, He’s an interesting character and I love his quirks but he is by no means a victim without faults. He is a product of society and that’s sad but he needs to pay for his horrible actions. Cannibalism is going to far, using you and your victim’s blood for voodoo isn’t excusable, and just killing someone for the sake of vengeance won’t make the pain go away, so nothing he does that involves harming people is cute or a way to suppress his anger, which he’ll have to learn the hard way in this story, I bet. Hopefully, it’s done well cause he’s still very much a bad guy regardless of the fact that he is aiding charlie.
WHEW, that was a long post, one of my longest ones! I really wanted to write out my thoughts on this character cause I’m ALWAYS intrigued by the mystery characters like him withhold. They tend to have hints to their behavior and it was really fun traveling through the possibilities of his nature. I’m probably 100% wrong about all of what I said since I am still not sure about everything and I researched as much as I could. I wouldn’t have had such an easy time if it wasn’t for @dollymoon and their amazing efforts to inform the community, y’all crazy but y’all dedicated so respect. I am not part of the community so I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint all the info and more. So this is my piece on Alastor the Radio Demon, a.k.a dude who looks like he’s taken ecstasy. 
P.S
-Why is this man wearing a torn up and ragged jacket when he can easily make himself a better freaking jacket? The man wore a one that was fresh as hell during his reprise, so what gives?! and why in God’s name is his damn teeth yellow? How you gonna say “You're never fully dressed without a smile” but got on one of the dirtiest smiles I’ve ever freaking seen? I'd rather not smile and be strong than to wear my clothes at its dirtiest(his smile I mean). Ain’t no way in the fresh hell would I invite an edgy radioman, who I know does voodoo, into my damn house, I am too black/Haitian for that bull.
-Y’all finna tell me why y’all falling for a man who canonically has stank breathe...?
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At least clean his damn teeth and give him a mint first, D A M N people!
again, thank you very much @dollymoon
but yeah, that’s my theory y’all, hope you enjoy and sorry for the constant repetition in here! DISSECTION OVER. . .
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slytherin--king-blog · 8 years ago
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Hermione’s birthday (Scar Tissue - Chapter 20)
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Summary: (AU)  A few years ago, Draco’s life changed for the worst. Still, he could live with it, he could adapt. But when another werewolf comes in Hogwarts to teach the students, it starts to get dangerous.
Their absences and behavior towards each other raise some eyebrows and Draco is afraid that a curious mind might even end up seeing right through him.
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 | playlist | FF.net | AO3
Pairing: Draco MalfoyxHermione Granger, Lucius MalfoyxNarcissa Black Malfoy
Characters: (it’ll be updated every time a new character appears) Werewolf!Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Dobby, unknown werewolf, the man Lucius is meeting (so much information wow), Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Minerva McGonagall, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Albus Dumbeldore, Rubeus Hagrid (mentioned), Pansy Parkinson, Buckbeak (mentioned), Madam Pince, Gregory Goyle (mentioned), Vincent Crabbe (mentioned), Neville Longbottom (mentioned), Madam Pomfrey (mentioned), Dolores Umbridge (mentioned), Fred and George Weasley (mentioned), Sirius Black (mentioned), Luna Lovegood, Sybill Trelawney (mentioned), Ginny Weasley, Percy Weasley, Cornelius Fudge, Alastor Moody (mentioned), Blaise Zabini (mentioned), Theodore Nott (mentioned), Peter Pettigrew (mentioned), James Potter (mentioned), Andromeda Tonks (mentioned), Regulus Black (mentioned), Cygnus Black III (mentioned), Walburga Black (mentioned), Bellatrix Lestrange (mentioned), Rodolphus Lestrange (mentioned), Ted Tonks (mentioned), Druella Black (mentioned),  Abraxas Malfoy (mentionned), Abraxas’ wife (mentioned), Gilderoy Lockhart (mentioned).
Word Count: 7,782
Warnings:
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
A/N: After the last chapter, I just wanted to write one with some cute Dramione moments, because yk, love and stuff. I also wanted to show that Draco’s opening up and really start to give her his trust and everything. So, yeah. This is a soft one.
The Werewolves Squad: @prayfordream @carry-on-you-wayward-winchesters​ @shit-happens-bitchachos @oceanblue-and-forestgreen​ @chelsea072498 @dracosmanor @lauralikenoone @mad–chill @wolfstar0scorbus @browntown630 @newtismyspiritanimal​ @havingmusicismylifeandworld @dreymain @sonyamd34​ @teamfreewill-girl @hearted-words @hei924​ @broitswinchester @sarahkate1116 @directionerpjab @criticalstardust @06132001pg @claclm @somethingabouttheway  @yandere-rat @morettigrg @grangermalfoylovechild @woundedtoaster​
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"There's no way I'm wearing that," Draco said, shaking his head. Hermione frowned, still holding the badge in her hand.
A few days had passed and they had joined each other in the Clock Tower, since the library was starting to be packed with students. Draco had been sitting against a wall, waiting for Hermione. After what had happened with Moody, she had made sure that he was fine, before reprimanding him for what he had done with that article in the paper, saying something about karma. He had mumbled something about his mom and they had decided not to talk about it anymore. Hermione knew how much he loved and respected his mother, and that's why he had been so angry when Harry had talked about her. But if he couldn't say anything about her, it meant that Draco shouldn't say anything about Ron's mom either. This time, she could blame Draco, even though she knew he was still mad at Ron for his harsh words. But she didn't want to argue with him and she didn't want to take care of that fight between Ron and him. She was hoping that at least, it meant they would stop, now.
During those days, Draco had received a few comments about that ferret thing and it was infuriating for him. At least, he was hoping Hermione wouldn't tease him with that, because even Pansy was finding that quite amusing, even if she had been worried at first. But apparently, since he was doing fine, it was alright to laugh about it.
And now, he had just got out of his first lesson with Moody. He really didn't like that man. He was a nutter. It seemed like he didn't like Draco either, and Draco was fine with that. He knew the three Unforgivable Curses already, even though he had never seen them directly. It had been a very weird lesson, even though a lot of students had seemed to be excited by it. It had been more intense than anything Lupin had ever shown them, really.
Still, he had liked seeing Moody muttering and giving him a nasty look when Draco had mentioned the Imperius Curse. That's how his father had got away with his Death Eater activities, and that's probably why his teacher had been annoyed, as an ex-Auror. Draco had looked pleased with himself, delighted to be able to smile innocently at the man as he was explaining the class about the curse. Still, he had been sitting near the door, in the back of the room, not wanting to be too close to him, while everyone had been eager to see the man up close.
He had set this little meeting with Hermione the day before and had rushed towards the tower after he had eaten his dinner as fast as he could. Pansy had rolled her eyes and asked him if he didn't want to go in the common room for a while instead, but he had refused. She didn't know they were dating, Draco still hadn't gathered the courage to tell her about it and he was feeling bad about lying to her. But what could he do, really? She was already annoyed to see him meeting her secretly so often "to have boring conversations", as she was saying. But he would tell her when the time would come, when he would be ready. He was just hoping she wouldn't be too mad at him.
Once Hermione had been able to leave the Great Hall too, some time later, she had come in the tower, holding this box in which Draco had discovered a lot of badges as she kneeled next to him. So, he had put the letter he had been writing next to him before asking what it was about.
"It's only two Sickles, you're not going to tell me it's a problem for you?" Hermione asked as she pouted. Draco tried not to smile but it was harder than he thought it would be.
"Of course not," he said, and Hermione seemed to regain some hope. "That is not the problem I have with it."
"Draco, please," she asked as she handed him the badge again.
"You know my views on this, right? You know about Dobby, you know I don't mind," he said. "And you know I don't mind you doing that either, but you're not going to have me join your club."
"But it's important to me..." She muttered, looking down. Ah, now she was breaking his heart. He vaguely wondered if she wasn't saying that to try and get him to accept. "If you don't take the badge, at least sign the paper..." He sighed before he shook his head. He didn't like that look on her face. He narrowed his eyes.
"Don't take that tone... I know what you're trying to do," he said and she gave him a little smile. "I'm having a really bad influence on you," he added, amused.
"Come on, sign the paper," she said, more determined.
"Never."
"Even Ron and Harry did it!"
"But didn't they say-"
"Yes, and they signed anyway! They support me in my decision, why don't you?"
"B-Because it's- it's- house-elves don't... Come on, don't make me explain it to you again," Draco said before he sighed. Hermione, who had been on her knees next to him until then, sighed too and sat next to him. "And what if someone discovers my name on that list? Did you think about it?"
Hermione shrugged as she stared at her little box. Draco closed his eyes for a few seconds before he slid a hand in his pocket. Then, he took the box from her hands.
"Give me that," he mumbled. Hermione smiled directly as she saw him opening it. He took one of the badges, replacing it with the Sickles, and he handed her the box again. "I'm taking it but don't expect me to wear it or to sign that damn paper!"
"Oh, Draco, thank you!" Hermione said, beaming, as she leaned to kiss his cheek before she put her arms around him. That was a nice reward, Draco became more relaxed already. He mumbled that it was just because she had worked a lot on making those badges before he turned his head to kiss her softly and they looked at each other for a few seconds. Even though they were now used to the fact that they were dating and that they were way more comfortable with each other, sometimes, it was still hard to believe it and they were finding themselves staring at each other, wondering if it was true or all a dream. "So, tell me," Hermione said, breaking the silence. "How was your first class with Professor Moody?"
"Um- Not so bad. The guy's mental, but I knew that already," he said as he shrugged and Hermione chuckled.
"I bet you knew that," she said, still smiling as she took the badge from his hands. He closed his eyes for a second but she didn't joke about the ferret thing and then, he looked down, seeing her putting the badge on his uniform.
"I told you-"
"Just for now. At least, you'll wear it once," she muttered and he looked at her fingers until she was done. "What were you doing anyway?" She then asked, looking at her badge for a few seconds before looking at Draco. This one cleared his throat, looking down at his letter before he took the parchment in his hands again.
"Um- Writing a letter..." He muttered. "To Lupin," he added. He hadn't been sure he wanted to share this information with her. She knew they were still talking, of course, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear her ask what it was about. Like Snape, she wanted to know what was going on in his life. More precisely, how he was feeling about all of this. And it was really hard to talk about it, because he was still too insecure. It didn't matter if he had always known Snape, it was still really hard. And it didn't matter that he was dating Hermione, because it was still really hard. He was fine with confiding in them or his parents, or Pansy, when he needed to. But not about the whole werewolf situation. That's something he hated way too much to be able to talk about it easily. But all Hermione did was smile at him.
"That's nice, do you know how he is doing? It's been a while since the last time I talked to him," she said. He knew what she was trying to do. In the library, he had told her that he didn't like to talk about it, so she was letting it go, to show him that she wasn't pressuring him. Maybe that's why he decided that he should talk to her. At least a little.
"Well... He doesn't have a job, so, you know. He could be doing better," he said as he turned the letter in his hands. He glanced at Hermione, hesitating. "He refused my help for that... But you know, I get it," he said. Hermione met his eyes and he smiled at her, even though it did look strained. "I wouldn't want help either. Not when it comes to that."
She understood. They were both too sensitive when it came to their werewolf situation. Lupin had been able to survive until then, and he would continue by himself. And Draco was the same way. He had fought during four years already, and he would continue. Hermione knew that maybe, having some help would be good for him too, but she also knew that he was too proud, and that he was also too afraid. That it was a fight he thought he had to win by himself. But in his situation, there wasn't anything to win. Nor to loose, really. It would always be the same. All he could do was trying to stay sane, not let the madness inside him devour him.
"And even though I know that, I couldn't help but propose my help, you know. Because... I don't know, he..."
"Doesn't deserve this," she added to complete his sentence, seeing that he didn't seem to find the words. He looked at her again.
"No, he doesn't," he said quietly before he took a deep breath and sighed. Then, he handed her the letter he had been writing, surprising her. She tried to hide this surprise and she glanced at the parchment, reading it. A part of it made her frown. It looked like he had had some difficulties with that part, facing the same problem as a few seconds before. He couldn't find the right words. It looked a bit weird, not like the letters he had been sending her before the summer. Like he had had the urge to talk about this, an impulse, but that he had never thought about what he would say exactly, about the way he should do it. She saw that there were some words crossed out but she had no way to read them.
I followed yours, Pansy's, Granger's and my father's advice and I talked to him. I wouldn't say I chose to do it but at least, we talked, didn't we? He told me about something that happened between him and you and your friends. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Sirius Black's sense of humour is really peculiar. I didn't find him really funny.
Of course, I told him you probably had nothing to do with it and I was right, wasn't I? You wouldn't stoop that low, would you? I'm sure you wouldn't. I still don't know what I should do. We talked about a lot of things, afterwards, but it still feels weird. I get why he wants to fix the situation, but why did he had to destroy change it in the first place? For something that happened so long ago, and that you probably surely didn't plan. It didn't give him the right to throw my trust in him away and take it back when he wanted. I'm still confused, but I wanted to let you know.
She stopped reading when she saw that he was talking about him not being in the castle. She had caught sight of Moody's name and she knew that he was missing Lupin. She wanted to leave him some kind of privacy and she gave the letter back to him, touched he had trusted her into letting her read this. She wanted to talk with him, but she knew she had to do it step by step. Rushing into the main subject would only make Draco back away.
"You know Sirius Black?" She asked as he took the letter between his thin fingers again and he shrugged.
"If you say it like that, yeah. I mean, everyone knows him," he said, still looking at the parchment. Hermione tilted her head, putting a hand on Draco's. She looked at it, starting to play with his fingers as she listened carefully. "At home, he's just a face on some old family pictures. We never talk about him," he said, surprising Hermione.
"You're... related to him?" She asked. He nodded as he shrugged.
"He's my mother's cousin. He's the son of my grand-father's sister. I guess that makes me... His cousin, once removed, yeah. I've never met him, though, he was disowned long ago and by the time of his arrest, I was one."
"You mother was a Black, then?" Hermione asked, looking in front of her. She didn't know any of it.
"Yeah. But he... betrayed the family, you know," Draco said before taking another deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. Hermione looked at him again, eager to know a bit more about it, knowing he had escaped this kind of fate thanks to his parents. "I saw him on a few pictures when I was ten. They were in a box in my parents' bedroom. I don't think I was supposed to look into that. Loads of family pictures from way before I was born. It was my mother's family. I know why she had put them there and not with the others, there was Sirius, as well as my mother's sister on them."
Hermione wanted to ask who was her sister, but she didn't say anything. It was the first time she was really learning about his family, the first time he was really opened about that subject. He was often mentioning his parents, but not the rest of them. She couldn't stop listening, even if she had a lot of questions. She was going to learn a bit more about the way they were disowned, maybe. She would understand even better Draco's situation. She had always wondered if any other member of his family knew about him being a werewolf, but she was almost certain that it was only his parents. Growing up in this environment must have been really hard.
"My mother wasn't very pleased when she saw me looking at the pictures, but she wasn't angry. She just took them away, saying that I shouldn't touch that. When I asked who they were, both, she said that it wasn't something I needed to know, because I would never have anything to do with them," he explained. He stayed silent for a minute, thinking that she probably didn't want to tell him why they weren't a part of the family anymore. At the time, he had already been bitten, and making him hear that wasn't in his mother's plans. "So I asked my father."
"Did he tell you about them?" Hermione asked when a few other seconds passed. Draco chuckled.
"You should have seen him. He really didn't know if he should talk to me about it. But yeah, in the end, a few days later, he told me," he said. He wondered if he had waited because he had talked to his mother about it first. "He came in the library and told me that he was going to tell me everything. He had the box with him and he showed me Sirius. Told me he was in Azkaban for murdering thirteen people, twelves being Muggles. Godfather of the great Scarhead," he added. Hermione looked at him, pursing her lips, and he gave her a little smile. She was glad to see that he looked amused, that he was fine with talking about it. "And he told me that he had been disowned. So I asked why, knowing the answer, deep down. He didn't have the same beliefs as the family at all. He was fine with Muggles and Muggle-borns," he said. It was the first time she was hearing him say "Muggle-born" and not "Mudblood" in her presence, and it made her feel good, seeing the efforts he was making to get out of his bad habits. He sighed. "Plus, he was a Gryffindor, can you imagine?" He asked as he made a face, both serious and joking as he looked at Hermione, who shook her head. She knew that he was only teasing her, but that at the same time, it must have been a shock for a family full of Slytherins. "He was proud to claim that he was different from us... Well, from them, really, I am not really an example."
"Draco..."
"He bragged about it and he got what he apparently deserved," he said, not wanting to talk about himself. Hermione got it, and she looked at his fingers again.
"And... For you're mother's sister... Was it the same?" She asked quietly. Draco glanced at her, staring at his girlfriend for a few seconds.
"Kind of. I actually never knew her either. My mother... She has two sisters. One's in Azkaban with her husband," he said shortly. He hadn't really known his aunt Bellatrix, he just knew that she was mental and that she had been arrested as a Death Eater after the first war, so he barely knew her, he could barely remember her. He had a few pictures with her from when he was a baby, or some from when his mother was younger, but that was it. "The other... Andromeda. That's her name," he added uselessly. "She married a Muggle-born."
Again, there was a long silence during which Hermione looked down, while Draco stared at an invisible point in front of him. Then, he looked down too.
"I asked my father if my mother hated them," he said a bit more quietly. At first, when he had been a bit older, he had wondered if his father had just answered in a way that wouldn't hurt him. If he had lied because he didn't want Draco to feel bad about himself. But now he knew that he had been honest. "She doesn't. At least, not her sister. She was never really close with Sirius, because of his behavior, she was closer to his brother, but... she was with her sister. Really close. My father said that... He thinks she was more hurt because she had chosen this guy over her family. That she abandoned them for him, that she abandoned her. I don't know. I never asked my mother anything about them again. I don't want to hurt her. And, you know... When this kind of things happen, you don't talk about it. It's like they never existed. My grand-parents... It's like they had only raised two daughters. But since my mother and her sister had proper marriages, they were fine with them."
"And what about your father's side of the family?" Hermione asked quietly.
"Well, they're not going to be a problem for me," Draco said as he sighed. "His mother died when I was five, so she was pretty pleased with me. His father, however, was still around when I was... He was way more strict than my parents ever were when it came to lesser people, and it's saying something. It would have been my father instead of me... Well, I wouldn't be here today, because he wouldn't have mind... I don't know, letting him die there? So, obviously, you see why we had to keep it a secret." He said as he looked down once again and he felt Hermione's grip becoming more tight on his hand. "Anyway, he died two years ago," he explained. "Dragon pox. Never knew the truth about me. My mother's father died not long before that, same year. So I still have my maternal grand-mother, but I don't see her very often."
Draco moved a little, taking back his hand to be able to move his arm. He passed it around Hermione, who had been looking down for a while.
"What is it?" He asked. She shook her head and gave him a smile.
"Nothing," she said quickly. He frowned a little.
"My parents aren't going to disown me because of you," he said. Hermione looked down again.
"How would you know? If they learn about us... I don't want to be the reason-"
"You're not going to be the reason of anything," he said. "You want to know why? Well, firstly, I'm a freaking... I'm not pure anymore. And they didn't throw me out when I was bitten, did they? They know I'm not worthy of the name anymore, that the line is ruined, and I'm still there. They don't even try to have another child. And secondly... Well, they don't know about you, do they?" Draco asked with a little laugh. Hermione didn't find it funny. It was painful. Not for her, her heart was aching but it was for Draco.
"How can you joke about it? It's horrible..." She muttered. "You don't deserve that."
"I don't know if I'm agreeing with that," Draco said, looking very serious. Hermione frowned. It was crazy to see how family beliefs could make their point of view be totally different. Draco kept saying he wasn't worthy of his name, that he had ruined everything. He was blaming himself and extremely ashamed, hating himself. And Hermione was just finding that unfair, because it was simply horrible. And for the first time in her life, she felt a very tiny ounce of gratitude for Lucius and Narcissa. Well, she didn't know his mother anyway, she had never thought anything bad about her, but about his father... Still, knowing they were trying to offer him the best life possible and that they had disregarded their beliefs for him... They weren't totally like the rest of their families, were they? "What I do know is that there's a reason we keep the secret." And as he said that, a little smile became visible on his face. "It's not because my parents are ashamed of me, it's not because they don't love me... It's to protect me. From the rest of my family, from... The rest of the community..." He lost his smile again. "Look at Lupin. Can't even find a job. They don't want this for me."
"But how do you feel about that?" She finally asked. Draco looked at her for a few seconds before he looked in front of him again.
"I used to think like Weasley does."
"Draco..."
"No, I did. Hearing my grandparents, having heard my parents the years before I was bitten... I used to think I was a burden. That they were just acting like they were caring about me, because I was their son and because they didn't have any other heir. That they just needed me there but that if they could, that if they had the opportunity... maybe they would get rid of me."
"What happened, then?" Hermione asked, almost whispering. Draco chuckled as he shook his head.
"I grew up. I mean, some of us have to."
She blinked as she met his eyes again. He only gave her a little smile and as always, she got it. She was bright, he knew it. He knew that she could understand the way he was thinking, approving or not.
"So, I'm acting too. I try to find some good sides in the situation. I mean, I have privileges, I have everything... They still love me, they still take care of me... I have friends. And see, Pansy's great about it, even if it didn't go smoothly at first," he said. He had never talked about that with Hermione either, and she had never asked anything about his relationship with Pansy. But she knew that, like she had thought, the reason they hadn't been talking for a while the year before was because she had discovered his secret. "I have to say, it's pretty funny to be around all those guys, talking about blood-purity. They don't even know who they are talking to, they don't even know what they are talking to... Crabbe and Goyle wouldn't be able to discover it even if they were trying with all their will, so they don't know they're blood-traitors. They're all fools. It's... Entertaining."
Hermione wasn't so sure about that and she kept staring at him.
"Don't look at me like that, I have to find ways of distracting myself. It's a lot of pressure, I might as well get something out of it."
"You're terrible," she muttered as she shook her head and he chuckled.
"If I have to be honest... Lupin helped with that too. It was nice having him around..." He said more quietly and Hermione smiled at him.
"I know," she said as she put her hand on his cheek, meeting his eyes. "What about Snape? You talked to him..." She said after a few seconds. Draco gave her a more strained smile as she removed her hand from his cheek and he shrugged.
"Yeah, we talked. But it doesn't really change anything. It's... complicated. Because I know he was always there to help me when I needed him before. He still is. But... It's complicated," he repeated, shaking a bit his head.
"At least, you had a conversation... Maybe the situation doesn't need to be fixed by one of you. Maybe it will fix itself with time." Draco smiled sadly again, looking in front of him.
"Yeah... They say time heals everything..." He sighed.
"Unless you don't want it to be fixed?" Hermione asked shyly. Draco had been so reluctant to do something about the situation that she had wondered if he wasn't better off like that, actually. He shrugged.
"It's more..."
"Complicated than that?" She asked with an understanding smile. Draco nodded.
"The thing is... Even if I want to let time fix this... I can't. I have to see him so many times, for so many different things. When it's not for the potion, it's for the classes. And when it's not for school, it's at home."
"Because your parents invite him?" Hermione asked. Draco nodded.
"Yeah. I'm lucky, I guess, I don't need a baby-sitter anymore. A few years ago, I would have been spending even more time with him," Draco said as he rolled his eyes.
"I'm sorry, what?" Hermione asked, her eyes opened a bit more widely. Draco looked at her. "He used to babysit you?"
"Well, yeah... I told you I've always known him. Already as a baby. He was at home more often then, but... Things change, I guess. I don't know what happened. The fact remains that as my godfather, my parents were always trusting him to take care of me when they weren't there."
Hermione didn't say anything and it took some time for him to realize that it wasn't because she didn't have anything to say about it, but because she was even more shocked than before.
"What? What is it?"
"He's your godfather?" She asked. Draco stared at her for a few seconds before he talked.
"Well, yeah."
"Don't say "well, yeah" like that," she said as she frowned. "I wasn't supposed to guess that, you never told me!"
"Because it's not a big deal," Draco said as he laughed a little because of her reaction.
"For you it isn't! Ugh, is that why you're his favorite? That's so unfair," she exclaimed. Draco laughed again.
"Come on, now, I'm his favorite because I'm me, not because he's my godfather."
"Don't brag," Hermione said, raising a finger as a warning sign. Draco only smiled at bit more.
"You're just jealous because for once, you're not the favorite," he said, amused. Hermione wrinkled her nose and Draco tilted his head. "If it's any consolation, I'm sure you were Lockhart's favorite."
"Shut up," she muttered, her cheeks turning pink.
"Here, don't be sad," he said, still teasing her as he took a box that was next to him, handing it to Hermione. It was the package his mother had sent him at the beginning of the week. "Come on, take one, don't be shy," he said.
"Stop talking. Ferrets don't talk."
"They're going to wonder where I am," Hermione said after another half hour had passed, ready to stand up. "Plus, it's getting late, soon we will get into trouble and I still have homework to do, we should go."
"It's Friday, you have the week-end to do them," Draco said and, seeing that she was moving, he grabbed her hand. "Wait, no, don't go," Draco said. Hermione smiled softly.
"We'll be able to do that again, don't worry," she said. Draco shrugged.
"Yeah but when? If you come here too often for so long, they will know something's not right," Draco said and he was right. Hermione was always afraid her friends would want to look after her and maybe use the map to find her. She was trusting Ginny, who was helping her, but still. "Just... Five more minutes. That's all I'm asking for," he said and Hermione couldn't say no.
"Alright, just five," she finally said, knowing they would probably take at least ten more minutes and actually pleased to see him act like that. Draco smiled.
"Besides, I've got something for you."
"What?" For what reason would he give her something? She frowned as she saw him take his bag to look inside it.
"I'm not going to be present for your birthday," he said, knowing there was more or less two weeks left before the d-day. But it would be on the day of the full moon and he wouldn't be able to see her. "And since, like I said, we can't predict when we will be able to see each other, really... I thought I'd give you your gift now. If that's alright with you," he said.
"Draco, you didn't have to buy me a gift," she said, slowly shaking her head. This boy was unbelievable. He waved his hand.
"Nonsense." Then, he took something out of his bag. It wasn't big at all, like a little box. "Here," he said, handing it to her. "Happy birthday. In advance."
"Draco..." She whispered again before she took the gift. The wrapping was dark green and it made her smile a little as she started to open it. She glanced at Draco, who seemed to be really eager to discover her reaction.
Finally removing the wrapping, she discovered a little wooden box. On the upper part were a few forms. The wood had been carved and there was a quarter moon, two music notes and two stars. On the side was a thin metal bar that she could turn. She bit her lip. It was a music box, definitely. She looked at Draco and opened her mouth.
"Wait, make it- turn it," he said as he got on his knees, putting his fingers on the bar to turn it. He smiled at Hermione as the music filled the space. She frowned.
"I know this..." She muttered, trying to remember the name of that song. Draco waited, anxious. Then, it seemed to struck her. "Moonlight Sonata..." She whispered and Draco nodded. Very meaningful. She didn't know what to say, this was so precious. She looked at the box again and closed her eyes, listening to the music. Draco only stared at her for a moment before she looked at him again. "Draco... I love it," she said. He gave her a smile, delighted.
"You told me you've always loved music, so... I thought... It's hand-made," he said, focusing on the box again to hide the fact that he was very excited about all of this. "Well, I didn't make it, I wouldn't know how... But I'm sure no house-elf made it so, I guess it's fine for you to have it," he said jokingly. Hermione chuckled and approached, passing her arms around Draco again as she hid her face against his neck, taking a deep breath as she grinned. She felt his arms around her and soon enough, she also felt his lips against her head. Again, she wondered if she wasn't imagining everything, because she would have never believed something like this would happen before. She straightened up and met his eyes.
"But how do you know Beethoven?" She asked. Draco didn't know anything about Muggles, from what she could tell. He raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't learn how to play piano thanks to the Weird Sisters," he said.
"Yeah but... I don't believe your mother would teach you Muggle music," Hermione said.
"Muggle?' Draco asked, looking a bit disturbed. He grimaced. "He wasn't a Muggle," he said, looking amused. Hermione's eyebrows shot up and he chuckled. "And here I was, thinking you knew everything. And... Here, take this too," he said as he slid a hand in his cloak, only to take a small picture. He handed it to Hermione. She couldn't help but laugh as she saw the little boy on it.
Draco, well dressed, his hair styled like it used to be before, was in front of a piano. He seemed to be way younger, and a woman was next to him, watching him play. She recognized his mother. She wasn't looking at his fingers, she was looking at him, smiling, as the boy apparently started to sing.
"When I told you I played piano, you seemed... Anyway, I looked through the photos we have at the Manor and I found this one. I thought maybe you'd like to have it. Mother has other pictures like this one, she probably won't even notice it's missing. At least I hope so," he added as he saw Hermione's expression. She laughed again and looked at that arrogant but laughing boy in the picture. "I was eight, see. That's the piano we have at the Manor. So, anyway... Happy birthday."
                                                                              ○
Early the next morning, Draco got up and took the letter he had finished writing the night before. He wanted to send it before going to the Great Hall to eat. He left the dormitory, not waking anyone, walked in the empty common room, left the dungeons and hurried towards the West Tower. He stopped when he reached the Owlery, walking in. Most of the owls were still asleep. His own owl was there, but he would need to use another too. He would use his for the letter he had written for his parents, but since he really wanted to send Lupin his answer, he had to use one from the castle as well.
So, he approached his own owl, carefully because of the dirty floor, using the back of his forefinger to caress it just above its beak. He didn't like this place at all, he didn't like the smell and it was too dirty for him, but he had no choice.
"Come on, now," he said impatiently and finally, his owl opened its eyes. "Come on, it's for the Manor," he said as he carefully attached the letter to one of the owl's legs. "Off you go."
He watched as his owl took off, flying through one of the window. They had no glass and the fresh air was coming in the tower. As he turned to go find another owl, he saw someone enter.
Harry stopped at the entrance of the Owlery, his letter for Sirius in his hand. They both stared at each other for almost a minute before Harry moved to walk towards Hedwig. Draco shook his head, seeing that an owl near them was awake. He hesitated but decided that if he was doing it quickly, he would get out of there even faster. He couldn't help but snort when he noticed that Potter's owl seemed to be mad at him. Harry glanced at Draco and he tried to stop, shaking his head as he attached his letter to the other owl. He heard Harry whisper something to Hedwig, like he was trying to make a deal, clearly not wanting to be heard by Draco. In the end, he was able to make his owl listen and Hedwig took off a few seconds before Draco's owl did the same.
Draco had no idea Harry was sending a letter to Sirius, and Harry had no idea Draco was sending a letter to Lupin. They both left the Owlery and found themselves in the stairs together, Draco walking behind Harry, his hands in his pockets. He used this time to stare at him, thinking about their last encounter, and enjoying the fact that Potter had no idea that he was dating one of his best friends. Perhaps he should have stopped looking at some point, because Harry turned his head, like he had felt his eyes on him. Draco only gave him an unpleasant smile and Harry stopped in the middle of the stairs, turning around.
"Look-"
"Don't want to hear it," Draco said directly. The last time they had talked, Draco had ended up being a ferret. "You never know who's stalking you, ready to attack students to protect you," he said as he walked past Harry. Then, feeling Potter's hand on his shoulder, he turned around, pushing his arm. "I already told you, don't touch me!"
"I'm not doing anything wrong, what is it with you?" Harry asked, frowning. "I just want to talk to you!"
Of course, he had no idea what it was like for Draco. Every time Harry was putting a hand on him, and fortunately it wasn't happening often, he was remembering his touch back in the Forest. When he had seen his scars, when he had stared at his scars, when he had touched one of them. It was horrible for Draco, and he didn't want to feel his hands on him ever again.
"You can talk and keep your hands to yourself," Draco said, glaring at Harry who still wasn't getting it.
"But you won't listen."
"Because you rarely got anything interesting to say, Potter."
"Can you stop?" Harry asked, tired, as he looked away, shaking his head. Draco sighed and looked away too, putting his hands deep in his pockets again.
"What do you want? I don't have time to waste so be quick."
"Hermione told us," Harry said, looking at him again. He wasn't expecting Draco to look so quickly at him again, looking really taken aback.
"W-What?" He asked, feeling his heart beating fast in his chest as he turned his hands into fists in his pockets. He felt his nails against his skin but he wasn't able to relax.
"About what you did, at the end of the year," Harry said, raising an eyebrow. Draco opened his mouth for a second, not finding any words, before he closed it again. "You thanked her," he added. Draco cleared his throat, visibly relieved about something but Harry didn't know what. All he knew, thanks to that, was that they were probably still talking. And that they might have shared some other things. Harry found that annoying, but he couldn't stop Hermione from talking to him when she wasn't with them.
"So? You're here because you want to be thanked too? Want a bit more of gratitude, because what you have daily isn't enough?"
"Why are you acting like that? You don't even know what I want to say," Harry said. He knew that it probably wasn't easy for Draco to talk about what had happened, and that he had too much pride to thank Harry. He had seen how embarrassed he had looked in the Forest. But still, he hadn't done anything wrong. "I wanted to talk to you about Ron," he said. Draco narrowed his eyes. So not only he had to talk with Potter, but he had to talk about the Weasel? Nice.
"What for?" He still said, curious.
"He didn't think what he told you, back at the World Cup," Harry muttered. He saw Draco raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, right. And I'm supposed to believe you because...?"
"Because it's the truth. I was angry too. I thought that after what happened... You would act differently. But apparently, you're not capable of that," Harry said. Draco rolled his eyes. "Still, I didn't say anything. Ron... His temper... When he's angry, he says stuff and... He doesn't always mean it."
"Are you trying to apologize for him? Does he know you're doing this? I bet he doesn't. I bet he's not sorry at all, is he?"
"The point is," Harry said, tired of his behavior, "He's not like you. He doesn't usually disrespect people because of their blood. He thought that you were in no position to say anything to Hermione, given the circumstances..."
"Circumstances that have nothing to do with any of you," Draco said coldly as he narrowed his eyes a little. "I say whatever I want to whoever I want, and if he's not happy, he can... What were his words... Yeah, he can eat dung for all I care."
"You need to understand-"
"I don't have to understand anything," Draco articulated. Harry didn't think he had ever heard him be this cold with him before. Draco approached, climbing a few steps and he stopped in front of him. Since he was a bit taller than Harry, they were face to face, even if Draco was a step lower. "But you need to shut up about all of this. You need to stop talking about what happened and he needs to stop talking about stuff he doesn't know anything about."
"Wai-"
"I don't want to talk about that night. Ever again. So either you stop right now, either I hex you."
There were a few seconds of silence and Draco nodded appreciatively before he turned around, starting to walk down the stairs again.
"Did you act like this in the woods to warn Hermione?" Harry asked. Since Draco had been on the defensive, he still hadn't been able to ask what he really wanted to discuss. Draco had stopped and he turned a bit his head. He took a few seconds, thinking, before opening his mouth.
"What if I did?" He asked more quietly. That's what Harry had thought. Those words, coming from Draco, were clearly a "yes", even if he wasn't capable of saying it directly.
"When I saw you in the library last year..." Harry began, walking down a step. "I didn't understand. I was upset, because you're a git." Draco turned around again, looking at Harry who kept walking towards him. "I thought you were... messing with her. To make her suffer. I wouldn't have been surprised. And then I learned about you, I saw you, I-" He stopped, trying to find the right words, not exactly wanting Draco to be upset again. "And I thought that maybe that was the reason you were able to talk to her, in the end."
"I didn't know that she knew," Draco mumbled. He didn't know why. Maybe that, in a way, he wanted to give him a hint, show him that he had talked to her thinking that she didn't know. That he hadn't just done it because they were in "the same situation". That he was genuinely interested by her.
"I know. I mean... She told me. She was very clear about that, no one can talk about it, it needs to stay secret and I get it," Harry said. Draco, feeling that he was about to smile, lowered his head for a second before looking at Harry again. "And then, at the World Cup, hearing you talk like that... After everything. I didn't understand. Ron didn't either. But I think I get it now, because I remembered that you two were talking and... laughing together. I don't know if you guys are able to say that you're friends or anything, now, but... I know why you acted like that in the woods." Draco looked away.
"Do you want a medal?" He mumbled.
"I wanted to thank you."
Draco met his eyes and they stared at each other for a few seconds. Then, Draco looked away again. He didn't leave, he actually didn't move at all, he just avoided looking at Harry, thinking about everything that had happened.
"I don't need you to thank me for what happened. If I have to be honest... If it hadn't been for Hermione who insisted and Lupin who was worrying sick, I don't think I would have looked after you. As a matter of fact, I know I wouldn't have. Because I still don't like you, I don't feel any kind of sympathy for you. But... I think it just proves you've changed... Just a little bit, since you're clearly not capable of assuming your actions when it comes to her. I don't know if you're ashamed of it, ashamed of talking to her but that you're still doing it, probably hurting her in the process. But... You deserve to know that I get it. And that Ron was stupid for saying stuff like that to you. He didn't mean it, he would never mean something like that, and neither would I."
Again, they looked at each other, with some difficulty for Draco who kept looking away every other second. But he couldn't help but glance at him. And Harry was looking at him from head to toe, trying to decide if he had said enough. Probably. At least Draco knew what he was thinking. And like that, they parted ways. Draco turned around, silent, the look on his face obviously showing that Harry's words had had some kind of impact on him, and he left him alone. And Harry didn't move, not until the sound of Draco's footsteps had faded away. Then, he left the West Tower too and walked went back to his common room to wait for the others to get up.
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