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rainydawgradioblog · 5 years ago

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Rainy Dawg Radio’s Best of the 2010s!

ALBUMS

Palberta - Bye Bye Berta

Palberta is a band that somehow manages to scratch almost every musical itch I have. Nowhere else have I heard a band successfully hold three part harmonies over squeaky atonal guitar riffs and abstract drum thrashing. Although I wouldn’t categorize them as twee, noise rock, post-punk, indie pop, no-wave, or any other genre name for that matter, they distill everything I love from all these types of music and mush it into something beautifully stinky. In my eyes, their 2017 album Bye Bye Berta stands as the definitive statement of what Palberta’s all about. With 20 tracks clocking in at under half an hour, the album wastes no time on filler. Skronky punk riffs burst apart at the seams and a sweet little lo-fi love song comes out of the wreckage, only to be replaced by an abstract tape sample collage. The band also has an incomparable mastery over lyricism, as evidenced by such classics as Finish My Bread (Finish my finish my finish my bread, finish my finish my finish my bread, etc…) and Trick Ya (HEY! Don’t trick me, I’m gonna trick you! HEY! Don’t trick me, I’m gonna trick you!). Highlights include the endearingly ramshackle and stupid pretty “Honey, Baby” and their cover of “Stayin’ Alive” (Jenny’s eating burgers and everybody’s shakin’ and stayin’ alive!)

- Elliott Hansen

Alex G - DSU

Shit if you know me you know I live for that sad bastard indie music. That’s exactly what DSU does best. Probably my most played record of the 2010s, this album’s lo-fi indie rock overfloweth. The opener, After Ur Gone, is on the noisier side of the album’s spectrum along with the squealing guitar of Axesteel and Icehead (peep the scream vocals in his live performances), while songs like the instrumental Skipper exemplify why Frank Ocean tapped Alex for the Self Control riff on Blonde. The emotional core of the record, Sorry, gets right back to the Elliott Smith comparisons that we know and love: lyrics of trauma, drugs and apologies included. My favorite song is Harvey; it smacks me right in the younger brother emo spot, with “run my hands through his short black hair I say / ‘I love you Harvey I don’t care’”. While not as chaotic as House of Sugar, twangy as Rocket, or psychedelic as Beach Music, this record is Alex G comfort music at its finest.

- Max Bryla

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma

Picture this: J Dilla, Madlib, and Aphex Twin all come together to create an album with little more than some old Coltrane records and an original Xbox at their disposal. The end result is like a trip through the universe. Yet the album comes from the mind of a single individual, who sits in the cockpit with a mischievous grin on his face: Steven Ellison, known professionally as Flying Lotus. The opening track, ‘Clock Catcher’, feels like Ellison slamming his foot onto the ignition so hard that it snaps out of place, shooting into the heavens at the speed of light before the listener can even strap in. Whirling through the stars, the rest of the album is the journey home from the expanse, often melancholic, often wondrous, always changing. From the punchy, off-kilter rhythms of tracks like ‘Nose Art’ and ‘Computer Face//Pure Being’ to the fat synth melodies of ‘Dance of the Pseudo Nymph’, ‘Recoiled’, and ‘Do The Astral Plane’, Flylo is always striking the listener from a different sonic vantage point. You can tell he’s having the time of his life with each of these songs, wanting to share every bit of it with our eardrums. After countless listens, I’m still finding new things about this album to appreciate. A complete masterpiece of cosmic epiphany fuel.

- Trey Marez

Ott. - Fairchildren

People throw so much music at me. And I remember this album was recommended to me back in high school, and I listened to it for the first time in zero-th period -- I think it was someone who went by the name “phryk” on IRC. And dang, it’s still such a good album! In what sense? It’s so well-mixed; that’s the first part. Secondly, it is just a wonderful listening experience from start to finish. If you need a good album of reggae, dub, electronic, here it is. One thing you shouldn’t do with this album: use it to test out speakers at Goodwill. The bass of this album was so good that I bought home a pair of speakers that turned out to be so bad.

- Koi Nil

Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy

Bandcamp has been known for hosting some of our wildest dreams this decade, and when 2011 lobbed William Toledo’s first rendition of Twin Fantasy down my ears my life changed. Emotions are crushed to death in the back of parking lots, the lo-est of fi’s, and lyrics that trigger far and melancholy memories of the early 2010 zeitgeist swarmed with insecurity and Skype calls. The album is Toledo’s first cohesive piece, finally creating work with developed central themes, dedicating the first concept album of his life to falling in and consequently out of love. The album speaks as a mirror to itself, reflecting Will’s own joy and confusion towards falling conservatively and completely in love, until the sobering downward spiral back into isolation. I was only eleven when I let the album own me completely, and am only nineteen as I hold onto it for dear life. Twin Fantasy was never a perfect album, and Toledo recognized this as he re-released Twin Fantasy (Face to Face) in 2018, reinventing the album’s sound with a much higher fidelity, lyrical updates, and redone instrumentals that turn the original into an overture or prologue to be enjoyed separately for more context. Searing solos, cute doo-wop moments, sentimental lyrics, slap-happy drums, fish wearing business suits, dogs, coming out over Skype, smoking, not smoking, nice shoulders, waitresses, the Bible, the ghost of Mary Shelley’s frankenstein, cursive, they might be giant’s rip offs, not knowing SHIT about girls, stealing alcohol from our grandparents and grandparents, bruised shins, cults, fish, getting the spins, and being really really really sensitive to the sunlight. I’d fight for this album, listening to “Cute Thing” as I get RKO’d. Take the time to enjoy the ride, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. (It technically used to be a gay furry album, but now it’s techincally a straight trans furry album.)

- Cooper Houston

Sabaton - The Last Stand

Sabaton is every history teachers dream band. These Swedish power metallers educate the listener about the history of war by discussing various battles, conflicts, and figures. They do this through anthemic choruses, riffs that make your fist pump, and oddly enough synths that work surprisingly well. Since history interests me and I really like metal, Sabaton was pretty much made for me. This album will always have a soft spot in my heart and evoke fond memories as it was one of the first CDs I picked up after getting my license back in 2016. As I gained more independence and freedom as I approached adulthood, this was my soundtrack. This album lived in my CD player during this time as I listened to it over and over again, never once losing its replayability. Ranging from the American battalion that got lost in the Argonne Forest during WWI to Allied and Axis forces joining together to fight at the end of WWII, this album tells of various historical last stands. While this is certainly isn’t the best metal release of the decade, it’s still an extremely solid album. In this case, the sentimentality plays a larger role than anything. While it may not be found on any “Best Album of the Decade” lists, Sabaton’s The Last Stand will always hold a place in my heart and in my car’s CD player.

- Jack Irwin

CONCERTS

07/20/19: What the Heck? Fest @ Croatian Club, Anacortes, WA

Choosing a single favorite concert from the entire past decade seemed insurmountable until I decided to define it by the overall experience rather than exclusively the music. This past summer, I was lucky enough to be one out of barely over a hundred people at the first What the Heck? Fest in 8 years. The festival took place annually from 2001 to 2011, featuring PNW indie legends, K records icons, and all manner of dorky indie folk kids. WTH laid dormant until this past spring, when Phil Elverum (Mount Eerie) announced its return along with the revival of his long-dead initial moniker, the Microphones. I made the trip up from Seattle alone by train and bus, spent a little while wandering Anacortes (the Business was closed :( ) and made my way to the repurposed church which houses the Unknown and the Croatian Club. I ended up seated a few feet from Calvin Johnson in one direction and Kimya Dawson in another. I felt a little out of place at times, like a stranger in the middle of a 90s indie family reunion, but the atmosphere remained consistently welcoming. D+ opened the show, fronted by Bret Lunsford (formerly of Beat Happening), the founder and main organizer of WTH, and backed by Phil Elverum and Karl Blau, who played their own sets later in the night. K Records mainstays Lois and Mecca Normal were on next, delivering stripped down, socially-driven whisper punk/indie pop. Karl Blau led an outdoor sing-along and covered a Pounding Serfs song, who played the next set (their first in [a lot of?] years) for a total of two renditions of “Slightly Salted,” a song I could have listened to in every set that night. Phil hopped back onstage again alongside Lee Baggett to back Kyle Field from Little Wings, an indie-folk favorite of mine, with rambly half-nonsensical lyrics and plenty of soft strummed warm twangly guitars. Black Belt Eagle Scout delivered (comparatively) heavier sounds, coupling slow, soft sung melodies with fuzzed out shoegaze tones, building tension until the Microphones (Phil backed by Kyle, Karl, Lee and keyboardist Nicholas Krgovich) came out for the final set of the night. They opened with what I interpret as a 25-minute rendition of the then-unreleased Belief, which was later shortened to 7 and a half minutes as the opener to the new Mount Eerie record, Lost Wisdom pt. 2. Phil then played a handful of old Microphones tracks alone, including a version of The Glow pt. 2’s title track with reworked lyrics, as well as its closer, My Warm Blood, excerpts from the final Microphones album (confusingly titled Mount Eerie), and what I believe to be another unreleased song. I left with the most limited merch I’ve ever managed to snag: one of two Ziploc bags of lettuce with “the Microphones” and a small K records logo sharpied on the front. I felt bad eating my merch, but it sustained me through the cold Anacortes night as I wandered to and from poorly lit parks, killing time until my 4AM bus back to Seattle.

- Elliott Hansen

03/09/19: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Solo) @ Vermillion Gallery, Seattle WA

Was really not sure what to expect from this one going in, but CYHSY’s s/t from 2005 has always been one of my favorite records. I hadn’t ever been to Vermillion in Capitol Hill, but it was hosting CYHSY on a “living room tour”, where Alec Ournsworth (vox, guitar, harmonica[!]) hit tiny spaces around the country. Vermillion sat 40 at most, and I got to check out some cool local art in the space as well. Alec’s trademark voice that (according to p4k) sounds “as if someone were pressing his vocal cords to a fret board and bending them” which is pretty damn accurate. Amongst CYHSY’s greatest hits (In This Home On Ice and Cool Goddess in particular), he also covered Pixies and Tom Waits through lively and exciting banter. Great dude, great music, great venue. My favorite of the 2010’s for sure.

- Max Bryla

11/14/18: Milo @ Vera Project, Seattle, WA

Milo, and the ruby yacht house band are poetic alchemists that constantly dish out hefty servings of succulent syllables with each new release. Kenny Segal who does the beats for a few of Milo’s songs (and other hip hop artists) opened by transporting the crowd into the ethereal realm with a few classics from his album: happy little trees. Once Kenny Segal finished, Milo accompanied by the ruby yacht house band jumped on stage. I was close enough that I could make out Milo’s squirtle tattoo on his bicep and waited for his vivid and veracious vocabulary to leave me in a state of decapitation. Crispy, potato chip like static (a Milo-live signature) was consumed ferociously by the crowd as he hit us with one banger after another. About halfway through the set Milo dropped the mic and went off stage into the back room. The ruby yacht house band was left Milo-less; their beat lingering in the air, festering with each hit of the snare. Milo returned a while later, wielding a pair of tap dancing shoes in one hand and a ukulele in the other. He put on the tap dancing shoes on stage, everyone in the audience screaming with his return. Donned with the tap dancing shoes and positioning his ukulele on his chest; he began to dance. Holy shit he was good too. Strumming the uke and tap dancing away I was utterly mesmerized. My eyes glued to his performance. Suddenly, as if stricken by some divine intervention, Milo seized the ukulele by the neck and smashed it against the ground, splintering into a thousand pieces. After his destructive fit, he picked the microphone back up and whispered into it emotionlessly: “Think about that”. I did. The whole experience was transcendental and instantly triumphed as my greatest concert of the decade. You KNOW I snagged a sliver of uke on my way out.

- Rocky Schaefer

08/07/17: Metallica @ CenturyLink Field, Seattle, WA

While Metallica has had its ups and downs throughout their career, they do one thing well, and that is putting on a damn good live show. Metallica built the best line-up I have ever seen, given the popularity of the bands they chose. With them they took Avenged Sevenfold, who I greatly dislike but are still a huge band, and Gojira, one of the best modern death metal bands on the scene. The sheer size of this concert was absolutely and extremely inspiring as Metallica was able to fill up CenturyLink Field, a venue usually reserved for pop artists who draw in thousands of attendees. The amount of people that attended signaled to me that metal is far from dead. While this tour was in support of their newest album Hardwired to Self Destruct, Metallica made sure to incorporate classics into their setlist including “Seek and Destroy,” “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” and “Battery.” James, Robert, Kirk, and Lars delivered a killer concert will tight playing and outstanding individual performances. Being able to see my music hero, James Hetfield, play live was truly a special experience. The one thing that stood out during the performance were the visuals. Each song had a unique and individual video effect on the large screens behind the band which made each song special and memorable it its own way. While I wasn’t close to the stage by any means, the crowd interaction created a unique experience that made me feel much closer than I really was. This concert wasn’t just a concert, but also a life-changing experience. Seeing the band that truly got me into metal, the thing that I rest my individuality on, is something that defined the decade for me and will live with me forever.

- Jack Irwin

SONGS

“You Are Here” - Yo La Tengo

This one I don't think I can fully explain. By miles, this is my most played song of all time. It is the opener of Yo La Tengo’s 15th album, There’s A Riot Going On. The album, and song, starts with the meditative synth line that builds into a pulsing rhythm over the course of the first minute. The rhythm maintains through the rest of the song, as casual guitar strumming is added and another synth that doesn’t sound all that dissimilar to Jonny Greenwood’s Ondes Martenot. My favorite part of the song, though, are the drum fills of the latter half: they crash and roll like the ocean. With or without the title of the song, the audio conveys a degree of presentness and contentedness that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere quite yet. I’d recommend it.

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spaceorphan18 · 6 years ago

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Spaceorphan’s Movie Reviews: Batman (1989)

Before settling down to watch (and rewatch) all the films related to Marvel properties, I thought it’d be fun to take a look back over at DC. Batman was probably the first superhero I was aware of? Since he (and Superman to a lesser extent) were the most well-known superheroes in the cultural zeitgeist. I still say DC’s merchandising is far more prominent among children than Marvel, so of course, even in the late 80s, when I was a very young little person, I knew who Batman was.

Of course, before 1989, there were other iterations of the character, most notably the Adam West series (and TV movies) of the 60s. I remember catching those old episodes when it reran on Nick-at-Nite in during the 80s - I mean they were ridiculously campy, which of course also makes them family friendly, and so we had them on all the time. Then Tim Burton came along and updated Batman to be dark and gritty. (Like the comics! Actually, I have no idea, I’ve never read any Batman comics, so I can’t actually comment on that.) Of course, being six at the time of theatrical release, I didn’t know what a big deal this would be.

I don’t remember when I first watched the film. It wasn’t in the theaters (I was too young - but not too young to see the sequel!), but I did see it a lot once it came out on VHS. And I’ll be honest with you, it straight up scared me as a kid. The Burton-esque imagery, mixed with dark cinematography, and the horror-esque elements of the film really seared into my young brain. It wasn’t a film I sought out (though I don’t remember my parents watching it either, even though we owned it, I wonder if my brother watched it) but it was one that had a lasting impression, much like Ghostbusters and Back to the Future - it’s a film that I vividly remember from my childhood.

The interesting thing (to me) is that I haven’t seen it (until now) since I was a kid. I can think of no time as an actual adult that I’ve had the chance to pop it in again and watch it. But, interestingly, there wasn’t a single moment of the film that I had forgotten - watching it again after, maybe, fifteen-twenty years, I really do remember every beat of this film. However, maybe for the first time, I really understand the film as it’s intended - cause, yeah, it’s not a kids’ film (even if there was a ton of merchandising for kids - which there was, we had a toy batmobile and batwing).

So, how does this film hold up all these years later? Surprisingly well - for what it is.

So, maybe this is the analytical person in me, but I think this film is, maybe, more fun to talk about than to actually watch. Of all the super fascinating things going on - the plot is the least interesting part of it, even the film itself seems to loosely hinge on the random things The Joker decides to do and is a little, meh, don’t think too hard about it. To sum it up quickly - Gotham is being run by a crime ring and mob bosses and Batman is single handedly taking them down. Meanwhile, The Joker is a crazed guy who wants to be bigger than the mob bosses who whole him back, and after he nearly dies in a vat of acid - he decides to become even more of a psychopathic killer and tries to kill everyone. Because why not?

First, standing out to me much more as an adult, is all the Tim Burton-ishness about it. Which I don’t say as a bad thing. He has a certain Gothic, horror, cartoon-ish style, which I may say, is slightly toned down in this film than a lot of others. Visually, I think he was a good choice of director, I think the film has such a captivating stylized look that it holds my attention when the plot doesn’t. I think what stood out to me the most was that Burton went a drearily dark, with an occasional splash of white that made the whole film almost seem like it was in black and white - which was purposefully contrasting to the colorfulness of The Joker. I mean, Burton is purposely giving artistry to the cinematography in a way that I don’t necessarily see in superhero films anymore, and I think that’s kind of cool. There are times when the film is, maybe, too (literally) dark - but I feel like had the technology been just a bit better, it would have helped.

Burton also seems to be aware of the special effects limitations of the time, because at no point was I taken out by how cheesy the graphics looked (it helps that there weren’t very man), and some of the scarier images from when I was a kid, like when The Joker kills the guy by incinerating him, hold up pretty well. Some of the fight scenes seem weaker and stiff, not helped by the fact that I don’t think Michael Keaton could move much in that suit, but the action isn’t overdone. The action sequences aren’t what they are today, by any means, but I think they work fine given the era of the film - I don’t really judge them for that.

So - Michael Keaton’s Batman. Does he do a good job? I say mostly. As Bruce Wayne, I completely buy him. He’s a bit charming, a bit reserved, a bit mysterious, and a bit crazy - and when Keaton is actually allowed to do something with the character, he comes alive pretty well. The unfortunate thing is that this film really isn’t about Batman - it’s about The Joker (which I’ll get to in a moment) and therefore we don’t get to see much of Bruce Wayne doing anything - except staring off into the distance thinking about things. I get The Joker is iconic and everything, but Keaton has made Bruce Wayne interesting enough that I do wish there had been more - because his character doesn’t get to move much beyond ‘brooding about my parents; murder thirty years ago’.

As for Batman himself, he’s… fine. I don’t really have any complaints, but he feels incredibly limited - more so because of the suit, and the constricting ability to do much while wearing it than anything in Keaton’s performance. It makes sense that Batman would be a near silent warrior, but not being able to see Keaton’s expressive face holds this version back a bit.

Meanwhile… The Joker. Before I rented the film again, I was looking through some old reviews - and many of them mentioned that this film seemed to be more about The Joker than Batman. And I was a bit taken aback. I hadn’t remembered it that way. However, it wasn’t like I was paying that much attention as a kid. But yes, it’s true, this film really is not Batman’s film. It’s The Joker’s. And I understand why - The Joker is possibly one of the most intriguing characters and villains in all of literature. He’s a character who merges tragedy, comedy, and psychopathy all in one - and yes all three are in this film. I’m sure there are hundreds of think-pieces on The Joker as a character - understandably so. So, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at how much of the film he takes up.

I’m not invested enough to say who played The Joker the best, I hardly think comparisons are necessary (even if inevitable), but I really like Jack Nicholson in the role. More so now than what I remembered. Nicholson really embodies that whole crazed-lunatic pretty well, and I think he’s captivating enough that he does steal the show from Batman himself. I feel like there are so many people who discuss The Joker, much better than I can, that I won’t elaborate much more. But yes, Jack Nicholson’s Joker is pretty amazing, and I think it holds up relatively well.

Rounding out the limited cast is Kim Basinger’s Vicki Vale. And, well, she’s… there. Despite being the literal stand-in for the audience during most of the craziness - an outsider coming into Gotham and being a conduit between Batman and The Joker. She doesn’t get much to do and is the pretty standard obligatory love interest. Keaton and Basinger don’t have that much chemistry - but I don’t blame them, they really only have one big scene to sell the romance, and for me, that’s just not enough. You just really aren’t given any reason why these people would like each other more than they’re supposed to.

Meanwhile - during the scene where The Joker is dancing around with Vicki - I kept think about that one test where if the woman is replaced with a lamp, would it change the scene? And no - no it really wouldn’t. I get the time period of the film, and how the ‘romance’ angle is kind of beat by beat what you would find in most films around this time, so I’m not judging too harshly. But still, she’s almost third wheel to the more entertaining and layered dance Batman and The Joker are having throughout the film.

Smaller Thoughts:

Prince was the official artist of this films’ soundtrack - and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. The film has such a 40s-esque feel about it that when something slams it into the modern 80s, it feels a little jarring. At the same time, the dirtiness of 80s New York, and the cultural materialism is all over this film, so the Prince songs fit nicely in. It’s a weird dichotomy.

Music, in general, is also what sells this film - and keeps it at ‘Classic’ level. Danny Elfman (Tim Burton’s go to director, and a personal favorite of mine) does amazing things with the score - and helps deliver the atmosphere Burton is going for.

I have a soft spot for Alfred - even if he weirdly decides to bring Vicki to the Batcave unannounced. She’ll disappear next film anyway - so ultimately it won’t matter.

I kind of enjoy the fact that Jack Nicholson insisted the actor who played Bob be in the film - and that Bob is unceremoniously and somewhat randomly killed off.

This film is very murdery - even Batman is murdery. He tries to kill off The Joker whenever he gets the chance.

Billy Dee Williams is here as Harvey Dent - so that’s a super interesting thread that was never pulled on again.

Most of the government/police force was kind of meh - and I couldn’t even really tell who Commissioner Gordon was.

I did really like the flashback to Bruce Wayne’s parents’ deaths. That guy who they had play a young Jack Nicholson? Spot on.

There’s a lot of mask symbolism throughout the film. Again, I’m impressed by Burton as an artist - and as someone who’s willing to tell a more layered film within a superhero film.

Things that scared me as a kid: The mimes, the parade floats, The Joker’s girlfriend wearing that mask, the two dead models, the dead mob guy being burnt to a crisp, The Joker’s grin, The Joker’s laugh, really every time Jack Nicholson was on screen, and that laugh box that kept going after The Joker had died. This film really did use to scare me.

Final Thoughts: This film was incredibly interesting and enjoyable to come back to as an adult. I don’t think it’s entirely rewatchable - it’s plodding along at a snail’s pace during some sequences, and I don’t think the plot is that engaging. But I do think there’s a lot of artistry here given to us by Burton, and worth coming back to every now and then to see a film that would inspire superhero films for decades to come.

#batman #batman 1989 #hey superhero movie reviews is a new thing i'm doing #so reviews films

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breegullbeakreviews · 6 years ago

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My hopes and dreams may have been dashed by the Jim Carrey who stole Christmas and a Tony the Tiger’s luchador cousin, but we still have DLC to look forward to. Here are my out there and not so out there ideas on who should join the roster in the Smash Pass.

Rules: No echos. The announcement claimed these types of new fighters won’t be a part of the pass. This doesn’t mean a new fighter may not come bundled with an echo of themselves, but these types of fighters won’t be a part of this list.

Also no Assist trophies. As much as I want Spring man and Ribbon girl to punch in I don’t see them replacing or removing an existing assist trophy to add a character in.

Fighter: Banjo & Kazooie

I am still holding onto the dream. The duo of bear and bird are tied to the Nintendo 64 despite no longer being owned by the big N. Phil Spencer is down to get Banjo in the game so the only real question is if Sakurai thinks they are worth adding. As far as Nintendo wanting them, it would only be if some deal was worked out for the N64 classic. I’d assume both announcements would be near one another.

I’ve gone over their endless potential for moves before and that hasn’t changed. Grant Kirkhope killed it on the soundtrack for these games so there are plenty of tracks to choose from. The only real question is what the stage will be. Smash is usually inspired by stages more often than it copies a direct area, so in that regard I think Spiral Mountain would probably make the most sense. I think the Rusty Bucket has a lot of potential as well, but if the idea is to go for something iconic I think you have to go Spiral Mountain.

Fighter: Doom Slayer

Not giving up on this one either. Odds probably aren’t great though. Doom is a very western franchise and not one super linked to Nintendo, and let’s not even get into the violence and religious aspects. The one thing it has going for it is that it is a very important franchise to the history of gaming and Bethesda seems to be on good terms with Nintendo. Doom Eternal is coming to the Nintendo Switch so it could be a cool marketing move to drop this fighter in to build up hype.

Just because he wouldn’t be a Snake echo anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t have potential. The Doom Marine has plenty of weapons to pull from in his past games and it wouldn’t be too hard to pull some from the upcoming Doom Eternal. I also don’t think it’d be much of a stretch to give the Doom Marine an echo fighter in the form of B.J. Blazkowicz. He is equally important to the history of first person shooters. Doom Marine would certainly get the stage though as Nazi Germany isn’t something I see getting shown off in Smash. A space station on Mars with maybe a transition to hell seems perfect for a stage.

Fighter: Lara Croft

Odds are if we get another Square Enix representative it would be Geno, but Lara Croft is another major gaming icon, just again more western focused. She has appeared on Nintendo consoles so the only issue is coming up with her moves, and I don’t have many ideas for this. Her combat style is very weapons heavy, but she doesn’t have much that would work for close range at least from my experience with the franchise. Like Doom Slayer, I only see Nintendo green lighting this if we are getting some Tomb Raider title on the platform before February 2020.

Stage wise Lara Croft has tons of crazy set pieces to draw from. I assume the stage would be a tomb of some kind with plenty of hazards and maybe even a guest appearance by the iconic T-rex. Lara has plenty of costumes to pull from. If one major thing keeps Lara out it’ll be her moves.

Fighter: Geno

People want Geno. I am not one of those people. I have never played Super Mario RPG, and unless it comes to Nintendo Switch I probably never will. I really have nothing else to say except that I think he is rather likely to be in the game as DLC. Geno could be tied into a remaster or rerelease of the game on Switch, but it is possible Nintendo will just bring him in because fans want him.

Fighter: Shantae

Being a spirt does not preclude one from being a fighter. Despite having yet to review it, I was a backer of Shantae: Half-Genie Hero despite having zero history with the franchise. Shantae has history with Nintendo. Debuting on the Gameboy Color Shantae is a mix of traditional platforming and some metroidvania mechanics. Now I’m sure plenty of people would be pissed if she got in over Shovel Knight, but I think she has a lot more to offer.

For one thing we don’t have another fighter who uses their hair. That alone will give her some interesting standard attacks. She also has a plethora of magic and transformations that could make for an interesting set of special and smash attacks. As far as a stage goes I think the central town would be the best representation of the series as a whole. Maybe have part of the stage feature a dock so that Risky Boots can dock.

The music in the latest game is fantastic. You could bring everything over unchanged and it’d fit in. Every track has a beat that makes you want to get up and dance while still getting across the mood. Overall I don’t think Shantae’s chances are great. Mostly because she is an indie character and she’d be pretty obscure for Nintendo to pick for one of five DLC fighters. Let’s just say I’m not holding my breath on this one.

Fighter: Dixie (& Kiddy?) Kong

Another much more likely fighter with a ponytail. I have not played a Donkey Kong game featuring Dixie. I also don’t like the Donkey Kong Country games, though I do like DK64. That all being said I understand people want Dixie in. She is one of two playable characters in DKC2 which is regarded as the best of the trilogy.

Now why did I say Dixie and Kiddy? Well I think there is potential to make Dixie unique by having her nephew help out in some way. One thing that neither DK nor Diddy get across is the weird health system of the old games. If a Kong is hit you switch to the other one who was running alongside. I think using that relationship between the two could make Dixie really stand out. That being said I could also see her coming in on her own. Potential have it be a Zelda/Sheik style swap.

Now I also think there is echo potential with Tiny and Chunky, though I think it’d be more likely to have s singular Dixie have Tiny as an echo than getting all four. Dixie’s single ponytail versus Tiny’s two could change the range and speed. People talk about Tiny as Dixie’s replacement so I don’t think it’s a stretch. I have no idea what sort of announcement this could tie into. Maybe another DKC game or a DK64 remaster.

Fighter: Gen 3, 5, or 8 Pokémon

I expect this would be a gen 8 Pokémon over a gen 3 or 5 one if only because outside gen 1 additions new fighters have been from the latest generation. Melee added Mewtwo and Pichu. Brawl added Pokémon trainer and Lucario. 4 added Greninja and Ultimate is adding Incenaroar. Who knows what Pokémon it’ll be, but I’m for a grass type.

If we do roll back to gen 3 I’d hope for Sceptile or Grovyle. We need a fully evolved Grass starter in the battle. As far as gen 5 goes Emolga would be a third electric type but it’d be interesting to have in there with its flight and thunder. Outside that maybe Krookodile. I’d also not be opposed to a new Pokémon Trainer as long as the Fire starter isn’t the third stage. Ideally it’d be Tepig, Dewott, Serpirior or any combination if the Hoenn starters without Blaziken.

If the stage is gen 8 I don’t know where it’d be obviously. As for gen 3 the Sky Pillar could work, but I would not be opposed to a plethora of locals. Fortree city, and Mt. Chimney come to mind. I think Shoal cave could be interesting using the games internal clock to change the stage with the tide. Gen 5 I’m not picky. Mostly because I hated gen 5 and forget almost everything about it.

Fighter: Fire Emblem: Three Houses character

I actively do not want this, but knowing Sakurai it’s possible that we will see another anime sword boy or girl. With Nintendo selecting odds are lowered, but it is still a possibility.

Fighter: Tetris Block

Yes I watch GameXplain. I think this might be a bit far outside the box for Nintendo to pick, but if a Gameboy Classic is in the works this is some easy cross promotion with the system’s killer app. Music is obvious. Having the stage be a game of Tetris seems to be obvious. If the Tetris block is a fighter the stage would need a different art style than the character. Don’t ask me how it’d fight. Only Sakurai truly knows.

Fighter: Steve & Alex (Minecraft)

Most people know Steve’s name, but less know Alex. This is again Microsoft owned, and outside getting representation from the second bestselling game of all time, I don’t know what would compel Nintendo to select them as fighters. Stage wise the possibilities are endless. In a world of blocks and biomes it is hard to pick just one. I could see a stage divided into multiple areas like Delfino Plaza. I could also see a destructible stage that rebuilds like Luigi’s Mansion, though maybe not always the same way.

Move wise the two have a lot of tools, potions, and blocks to pull from. If a Creeper doesn’t show up here or as a stage hazard, than it needs to be an assist trophy. Music may be an issue. The music doesn’t seem like it’d transition well to battle music.

Fighter: Tails

I have never owned a Sonic game. I am not a Sonic fan. That being said with Shadow out of the picture I think Tails could be a great addition. From what I know of the character he seems to be more about verticality than speed. He also has gadgets that could make up his final smash.

As for a new stage maybe pull something from Mania or Forces. I assume most of the music is already going to be in the game so that might be an issue.

#super smash bros ultimate #smash pass #video games

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scrawnydutchman · 7 years ago

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Incredibles 2 Movie Review (Spoiler Free)

Pixar has become somewhat infamous for releasing nostalgia pandering sequels in recent years. Cars 2 & 3, Toy Story 4, Finding Dory, Monsters University. These all have their fans to be sure but many people, myself included, wished for more fresh and original ideas from Pixar that made them so great to begin with, rather than friendly reminders of how great they once were. So needless to say I’ve never been horribly interested in a great deal of the Pixar sequels . . . that is except for Incredibles 2. After the third Toy Story I’ve been saying for years that Incredibles is the only Pixar property that actually needs a sequel. Why? Because it’s a premise that’s ripe for continuation. I’m a huge fan of the first Incredibles, so much so that it’s my favorite 3D animated film ever. I loved the family dynamic, the performances, the dialogue, the design, the action. It was cool, slick, charming and heartfelt. It had the stylish edge of a spy thriller with the action of a superhero blockbuster. To put it simply, I wanted to see the Parr family do more superhero AND family antics. So needless to say I was as pumped for this movie as anyone. Did it live up to my expectations? Hell yes it did. It was everything I was hoping to get and improves on a great deal of where the first film left off in fact . . . while also being weaker in some other areas. Let’s break it down.

Story:

Synopsis: The Parr Family is back in action, continuing their superheroing despite the fact that doing so is still illegal (why the legalization of supers wasn’t even considered after the family saved the city from Syndrome, I have no idea. But whatever. Just go with it.) Things might change for the better though when Elastigirl gets an offer from a telecommunications expert to share her superhero perspective on why these heroic acts shouldn’t be shunned. While she takes up her new job, Mr. Incredible fights his own battles of being a stay at home dad and realizes it isn’t as easy as he thought it was going to be, especially since Jack Jack demonstrates a new superpower every second. Things for Elastigirl get complicated as a mysterious new villain called Screenslaver makes their appearance. Can she get to the bottom of Screenslaver’s new plan before things turn for the worst?

I mentioned before that Pixar has a known tendency to pander a lot to nostalgia in their sequels, and Incredibles 2 is no exception. There’s more than a few references and repeats of the first film including reused sound effects, shots, settings, cinematography and so on. While these certainly are present and are admittedly a touch distracting at times, make no mistake; this sequel has it’s own identity to it. The concept is interesting, I love the idea of the parents more or less reversing their roles from the first film and all the comedic antics those bring . . .and every scene involving Jack Jack got uproarious laughs in the theater. Admittedly the story has a few noticeable holes and isn’t as tight as the first film, but they weren’t nearly noticeable enough to ruin the experience as a whole. Also the movie kind of falls short in terms of pacing; by the end of it I was honestly kind of amazed that it felt over so quick. For whatever reason the first film felt way more like it took it’s time, despite the fact that there’s only a difference of 3 minutes between each films runtime.

Characters:

The characterization of each family member is arguably the Incredibles greatest appeal. It’s so much fun watching this family interact with one another. This time around the family dichotomy ups the anti with a handful of cute little moments between members. I loved all the interaction between the siblings and the parents and they have constantly great dialogue between each other just as the first film does. Mr. Incredible is probably the most accurately portrayed dad in the history of animated films; he reminds me so much of my dad it’s actually insane. There’s also one VERY small interaction between Dash and Frozone that I won’t give away but the moment I heard it I completely gushed. Also, while not as developed a villain as Syndrome in terms of motivation, Screenslaver is one hell of a cool bad guy. While Syndrome was a larger than life hamfisted manchild who loved to boast and brag, Screenslaver is a cold and calculated entity whose hidden behind layers and layers of intricate planning and espionage. Again, Screenslaver’s motivations aren’t as fleshed out or as interwoven with the family as Syndrome is but the villain more than makes up for it in aesthetic and outright creep factor. I kind of wish the movie spent more time keeping Screenslaver’s identity shrouded in mystery as that was when the appeal was highest IMHO but the twist is pretty good too. I won’t spoil it obviously, but I thought it was a pretty clever way to spread everything out. I do wish they gave Dash a bit more to do in the film though. While he has a memorable fast paced chase scene in the first movie Dash is unfortunately given next to nothing here; opting instead for more screentime for Jack Jack. In fact, both he and Violet pretty much get the shaft in favour of their baby brother when it comes to what is supposed to be their big action scene. All well. I still enjoyed seeing them again.

Visuals (Animation, Composition, Visual Storytelling, Etc.)

*this shot of Dash and Jack Jack running through a series of portals is among the most memorable.*

While the script and plot of this sequel all in all recaptures the appeal of the first Incredibles but falls just short in matching it in quality and pacing, one thing it absolutely improves upon this time around is the visuals. This film is gorgeous as one may expect it to be. The textures are beautiful, the use of the trademark Incredibles colour scheme involving shades of orange and red is great. The characters this time around are a bit more on the geometric and cartoony side whereas the first film was more rounded and mushy looking, which is a welcome change IMO. The animation is excellent as predicted. The characters move and behave their own charming ways and the facial expressions in particular are ON POINT in the film. Not to mention the slapstick is a lot better. The big thing where the visuals really shine though is the action. OH MY GOD the action in this film alone is worth price of admission. This is right up there with the first Kung Fu Panda when it comes to fight scenes oozing with creativity. The way characters utilize their powers, the way they interact with their environment, the way the stakes in every fight build as they progress, the way one action follows up another and it’s so clear despite it being so quick. It was simply excellent. The story developers have come up with stuff for this film I would have never thought of in a million years and it’s the coolest damn thing every time.

One minor thing to note; you may have scene a seizure warning floating around on the internet for a particular scene in this movie. I’m telling you right now; they weren’t kidding. I’m not epileptic but it was quite a bit for me. I’d take the necessary precautions before you see it thinking it’s safe. While the scene in question is definitely a bit of a strain on the eyes, it’s undoubtedly a really cool aesthetic regardless.

Voice Acting Performances:

Holly Hunter, Craig T. Nelson and Samuel L. Jackson all return for their iconic performances as Elastigirl, Mr. Incredible and Frozone. They all do as great a job as they’ve ever done and haven’t gotten the least bit rusty. Craig T. Nelson still plays a down to earth sentimental father. Holly Hunter still plays an empowered, sharp and quick-on-her-feet mother. Sam Jackson still plays a suave and cool Frozone. Sarah Vowell returns as Violet and gives a great performance for the awkward, pugnacious yet responsible teen. Brad Bird is directing/writing again which means he also returns as Edna Mode; as entertaining as ever. We also get some exceptional performances from voice actors acting as standins for the first films roles. Huck Milner takes the role of Dash this time around and plays it very close to Spencer Fox. Between Dash and Nemo in Finding Dory Pixar has an uncanny ability for replacing child actors after the first got much too old. The only performance that kind of stands out as not really matching the original is Jonathon Banks as Rick Dicker. I could tell instantly he wasn’t quite the same as the late Bud Luckey (R.I.P). All well; a small gripe in the grand scheme of things. The newcomers such as Catherine Keener and Bob Odenkirk are great. Overall, great performance from everyone.

Sound design (Score, Sound effects, etc.)

Yet another great element from the first movie that makes a triumphant return: the damn jazzy MUSIC. You can’t tell me you don’t get pumped up just from the killer soundtrack to Incredibles by itself. Those fans of said soundtrack should stick around until after the credits for a special treat in that regard. The sound effects for the film are great too, particularly the original made sounds for each of the superpowers. Not a whole lot else to say; it just nailed it.

Conclusion:

Fans of the original will not be disappointed. It’s got all the appeal of the first with a great set of original stuff to be it’s own visual experience. It about matches the first in overall quality with it’s superior visuals and action but inferior story and pacing. If you haven’t checked it out already please do. I haven’t had that much fun in the movie theater in quite some time.

Story: 1.5 out of 2 - Above Average

Characters: 1.5 out of 2 -Above Average

Visuals: 2 out of 2 - Excellent

Voice acting performances: 2 out of 2 - Excellent

Sound Design: 2 out of 2 - Excellent

9 out of 10 - A worthy successor!

#pixar #disney #disney pixar #incredibles #incredibles 2 #brad bird #film #movies #film review #animation #3d animation

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Ready Player Two: The Sequel’s Best Easter Eggs & References

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This piece contains spoilers for Ready Player Two.

When Ernest Cline published Ready Player One in 2011, its exhaustive array of Easter eggs were literally built into the worldbuilding—seemingly one pop culture name-drop per pixel that made up the digital OASIS, per the fierce 1980s nostalgia that creator James Donovan Halliday possessed for the most formative decade of his adolescence. And once the billionaire inventor revealed the Easter egg hunt for his fortune, it made perfect sense that the 2040s generation of gunters would immerse themselves in the same references, placing themselves into Halliday’s mindset to inherit his treasure.

Almost a decade later, those ’80s references are more exhausting in Ready Player Two—like when Wade rattles off his vintage morning routine basically cosplaying as Marty McFly, down to getting woken up by Huey Lewis and the News’ “Back in Time” via a Panasonic RC-6015 flip-clock radio. Whereas the Wade of Ready Player One enthusiastically logged onto the OASIS by quoting The Last Starfighter, the sequel’s gunter-turned-billionaire seems burnt out. He takes no joy in playing at a fictional character’s life instead of trying to improve his own.

Similarly, if Twitter reactions are any indication, readers of Ready Player Two are already finding the dense ’80s shout-outs to be more white noise than fun tidbits to be caught and noticed. It’s the same trick, but it loses its efficacy once you’ve seen behind the curtain.

That said, there are a handful of Easter eggs that break through the static. Because what’s the best way to make two familiar things new again? You mash them up.

Seven Shards for the Siren’s Soul

In some ways, it feels as if the sequel is retreading familiar ground, not quite copying Ready Player One’s Easter egg hunt but certainly building a seven-part quest around solving pop culture riddles. What somewhat redeems the narrative choice is a slightly different take on Easter eggs: not an exhaustive ’80s Wikipedia entry, but the personal Easter eggs of one woman’s life.

That woman is Kira Underwood, wife of OASIS co-founder Ogden Morrow, but also the unrequited love of James Donovan Halliday. As young adults, their Dungeons & Dragons campaigns eventually transformed into the creation of Gregarious Games and, ultimately, Gregarious Simulation Systems and the OASIS. But when Kira died young, both men mourned her… but only one tried to bring her back.

This time around, the prize is not Halliday’s fortune, but Kira’s “soul”—or, at least, a digital copy of her consciousness that Halliday copied without her knowledge or permission. Each Shard references a key point in Kira’s life, plenty of which overlap with Halliday’s ’80s obsession, as Kira met the two boys in 1988—in the middle of playing Sega Ninja, in fact. That’s the trial for the Second Shard, but later Shards relate to properties dear to Kira, which makes gunters like Parzival initially disregard treasured texts like J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Silmarillion or the rich discography of a certain iconic purple-themed musician.

And as the Shard search goes on, the clues become more and more specific to Kira’s life, including the learning-is-fun planet that she and Og created together (Halcydonia) to bring free educational games to underserved children when they were unable to have biological children of their own; and Leucosia, her D&D character-turned-AI-persona. Each Shard also includes a “toll,” or a memory that Z must experience as Kira, to better understand how she was a vital person on her own, beyond these two men’s love for her.

While the Seven Shards won’t be immortalized in the best-of lists of fantasy quests, it’s a clear effort to reinterpret the notion of Easter eggs to be more than just however many pop culture references one person can hold over another. They can also be the personal artifacts that others are encouraged to excavate, and experience the world through another set of eyes.

Planet Shermer

Recast the foul, restore his ending. Andie’s first fate still needs mending.

The Third Shard’s riddle sends Z and Art3mis to Shermer, a planet named after the fictional Illinois town in which John Hughes set the majority of his movies. Inspired by his hometown of Northbrook (which was previously called Shermerville), Shermer was a composite of different aspects of suburbia from both sides of the tracks and everything in-between. A 2010 Vanity Fair article related how in Hughes’ mind, Sixteen Candles’ Samantha (Molly Ringwald) was a “passing acquaintance” of Ferris Bueller’s eponymous hero (Matthew Broderick), and The Breakfast Club’s Bender (Judd Nelson) grew up near Planes, Trains, & Automobiles’ Del Griffith (John Candy).

The OASIS’ Shermer follows Hughes’ thinking, by throwing his iconic teenage characters into a planet-sized Breakfast Club of sorts, with them all attending the same Shermer High School; Z notes that depending on which direction you approach the school, its facade resembles all three aforementioned teen films. That’s amusing enough, but then you remember that actors like Ringwald and Michael Anthony Hall collaborated with Hughes in a number of films—which means all of their alter egos are going to homeroom or the cafeteria together.

This portion of the book is rather delightful in how nonchalantly it plays out every fan’s crossover dreams and how it engages with parallel-universe casting decisions. For instance, Parzival notices Keith Nelson and Amanda Jones (Eric Stoltz and Lea Thompson) from Some Kind of Wonderful, only to realize that that couple is technically the original Marty McFly and his mother. And when it comes to deducing the Shard’s clue, superfan Samantha deduces that they must recast Duckie (the “fowl”) from Pretty in Pink, replacing Jon Cryer with a Weird Science-era Robert Downey, Jr., who had originally been up for the part. (You can already imagine the digital de-aging fun in the inevitable Ready Player Two movie.)

But while their goal is to get RDJ-Duckie and Andie dancing at prom, what’s most important is visiting Hughes himself in his home office to obtain his original Pretty in Pink ending. Perhaps the best Easter egg embedded in this mashup world is that when Art3mis and Z go to the Hughes’ home, they encounter his wife, Nancy Hughes. “I’ve never seen her here before!” Art3mis, who has played through this world’s rhythms countless times before, excitedly tells Parzival. “I didn’t know you even could!” It’s a nice parallel to Wade’s realization that Kira is more than just the wife or love interest, that she and Nancy Hughes are worth squeeing over all on their own.

L0hengrin’s Genderbending Avatar

As Wade relates, Parzival looks almost like him, just a bit thinner, taller, more muscular, and less afflicted by acne. His avatar is an idealized version of himself, as is the case for Samantha with Art3mis—though in Ready Player Two, she has incorporated her IRL facial birthmark into her digital persona, while Wade still sticks with his dream-self. They might also dress as pop culture characters, like Art3mis in her Molly Millions (from William Gibson’s Johnny Mnemonic) phase, yet it only goes so far as typical cosplay.

But in the sequel, Parzival meets YouTuber and gunter L0hengrin, who he identifies as a fan by name alone; in Arthurian legend, Lohengrin was Parzival’s son. When they meet in the OASIS, however, Parzival is struck by Lo’s avatar: She primarily takes the form of pixie-haired teen Helen Slater in The Legend of Billie Jean, but she’s also known for shifting into floppy-haired James Spader in Tuff Turf. While Lo, a trans woman, is not the first OASIS user to find herself in a nostalgic movie avatar, the fluidity of her gender presentation speaks to a deeper identification with various iconic figures depending on her gender in that moment. It also opens up the possibility of other genderqueer or nonbinary users finding their own unique representation via ’80s figures—after all, there are infinite personas to choose from.

The Afterworld

Another mashup world that Parzival, Aech, and Shoto visit on their quest for the Shards is a planet-sized shrine to Prince. And while its name is technically the unpronounceable Love Symbol, those in the know call it the Afterworld. Under ominous skies of “Purple Rain” they drive a “Little Red Corvette” to raid Paisley Park not for weapons, but for musical artifacts with which to challenge the Purple One(s).

Basically, the three gunters have to reenact Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, doing musical battle with seven iterations of Prince as the Evil Exes: Purple Rain Prince, Cloud Suit Prince, Gett Off Prince, Batdance Prince, Microphone Prince, Third Eye Prince, and Mesh-Mask Prince. Not to mention their henchmen, in the form of several past bands and collaborators.

All things considered, the battle goes pretty quickly, especially since Aech is a super-fan coaching Parzival through how to wield the Cloud Guitar, and they have their own backup in the form of Prince’s old band Morris Day and the Time (a.k.a. The Original 7ven). There is a reason that Scott fights seven separate battles, each with its own arc and stakes. It ratchets up the tension in each fight and hints at Scott possibly failing, instead of seeming more like a means to an end, as is the case with Ready Player Two’s big jam session.

This one might be a tad more controversial for readers, depending on how sacred one holds Prince, but I would argue that inspiring a reaction—positive or negative—still counts as an Easter egg that works.

Needle Drops

Both Shermer and the Afterworld include dozens of music cues that can be triggered by passing over a certain spot or into a key moment out of pop culture history, though the needle drops are a consistent Easter egg throughout Ready Player Two. These “soundtrack landmines,” as Z calls them, set the scene, striding into Shermer High School to Killing Joke’s “Eighties”; or add gravitas to a moment, like when Parzival stares at Art3mis, realizing he’s still in love with her, and Boston’s “More Than a Feeling” begins playing.

For the most part, these cues belong to everyone: They’re planted in the same spaces for any user to trigger, regardless of whether or not they’ve ever actually sung or danced to these moments in John Hughes movies. Yet little Easter eggs like the Boston needle drop—which can only be triggered by one avatar staring at another for five seconds, while the ONI records an increase in heart rate—feel like personalized love letters to two lovebirds, caught in a special moment unique to just them. That’s exactly what you want an Easter egg to do.

Ready Player Two is available now from Ballantine Books. Let us know the Easter eggs that worked for you in the comments below…

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bunnyjoyce-blog · 8 years ago

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Things to Keep in Mind for Your StEx Fanworlds

Also posted here on DA: https://bunnyjoyce.deviantart.com/art/Things-to-Keep-in-Mind-for-Your-StEx-Fanworlds-698056898

Need a few ideas to flesh out your fanworld for your Starlight Express fanfics? Here are some tips for you! Even if you are going the toy route of the canon, the trains believe they are the real deal. Greaseball and Rusty don't really burn coal and oil. They're likely electric-powered toys, making the whole racism pretty silly (is that the point?), but Poppa is still willing to risk his life in an elimination heat to get steam into the final race. As such, it's enough that they believe that that they're real trains who have jobs, fall in love, pursue religion, etc.. So, whether you're writing the trains as toys or the real McCoy, here are some things you can keep in mind as you explore your interpretation of their universe.

How do rolling stock relate to humans? In a lot of stories, humans seem to be a minute issue even though they would be pretty important -- Red Caboose is a house on wheels for the human freight crew; the coaches clearly enjoy their passengers; the Rockies don't like carrying hobos, and the freight trucks agree that they don't like how people talk a lot; firemen (the crewmembers that keep the fires in a steamer going) are mentioned in "A Lotta Locomotion." The rolling stock use slang that originated from humans. (Belle says she's "down at wheel" which is a play on the phrase "down at heel," and Flat-Top and Dustin say that bricks and mortar "are thicker than water," referring to the expression "blood is thicker than water.") Belle is a Pullman car because of George Pullman, a human, and in the Broadway show she says she was bought bought by a Vanderbilt, a member of the wealthy human family. Poppa mentions James Watt as a pioneer for steam engines, and Greaseball mentions Miss America -- and somebody had to graffiti Flat-Top! The whole reason trains exist is because railroads are businesses. If the passenger trains have no humans to carry, why do they exist? If no one is buying bricks or aggregates, why hire trucks to transport them? What's the point of building engines if there are no humans to pull the cars to? It's actually interesting to see how little humans factor in some fanworks. One story claimed that the first railroad tracks were made by trains, not humans (so where did the first train come from? How did they have wheels made for tracks before there were tracks?) In another case, one of my Scandinavian friends told me about a story she had read where a human OC was shipped with Electra, and in that world trains are only a little taller than humans. While the height difference might have been convenient for the couple, one now has to ask how passenger trains work in that world. Do coaches let humans ride piggyback? I'm not saying you have to give humans a major role in your stories, but it's worth keeping in mind, and it opens the door for some possible OCs. How does Caboose relate to his conductor (especially since his costume shows he used to be a boxcar)? What does Buffy do when she has a rude customer on a long train ride? Are any of the human freight crew nice to Dustin? Do any humans ever climb into a corroded engine like Rusty, or does he get neglected even by them? Who sneaked into the yard and vandalized Flat-Top? (If you are working with a toy angle, I've seen model railroads with human figurines inside passenger cars and on station platforms and the surrounding landscape. Can the toy trains interact with any toy human Control owns?) Who performs which jobs? What "non-railroad" jobs are available? Going further, what jobs are performed by humans? And what jobs are performed by trains? When repairs are necessary, to what degree can a repair truck help them? To what degree can a human help them? Who paints the trains and designs their wigs? Who keeps the yard clean? Who digs up the coal for the steamers? Who drills the oil for diesels? Where do replacement parts come from? Who builds the "newborn" trains? Are trains able to own businesses? Can there be a shopping district in the yard? Can trains change their clothing and buy more? If Pearl can move like a ballerina, is there somebody giving dance lessons? Can trains open restaurants/food stands? If Greaseball can be a bodybuilder, do trains have their own gyms? How easily do trains slip into racing mode and back? We joke in this fandom about how similar Starlight Express is to Transformers (sans the 80s cartoon's icon soundbite), yet there are definite similarities. From the overture of the original soundtrack, we know that the characters don't always look as they do in the show because Control orders them to change to racing mode. Likely, they are anthropomorphic while racing and normal trains while working. (The 3D race footage show the racers moving around normal rolling stock!) How do trains function in this other mode? How often are they in this form? Do trains regularly get time off from work? Are other kinds of vehicles alive in your fanworld? CB's fascination with semi-trucks and highway culture might suggest that automobiles are alive -- or he really, really identifies with human truckers. A friend of mine countered that (in a non-toy setting) humans might not all enjoy owning an automobile who can talk back, but then again if a person were rich enough, and if talking trains were the norm in this universe, it might be worth considering if cars could be alive. (If you're working with the "everyone is a toy" view, does Control have toy cars, planes or boats?) When and how do trains get education? We know from "UNCOUPLED" that trains can spell/read (and it would be useful if Dinah could read a recipe!) Purse is supposed to be Electra's accountant, which means he needs to have learned math, and Dinah and Buffy would also need to know math if they sell food to customers. ("Buffy here. I'll sell you a beer.") Wrench had to learn mechanics somewhere, and someone had to teach a freezer truck how to be a hairdresser if the story about Volta being based on Jeffrey Daniel's stylist is true. Plus someone had to teach them how to sing and play musical instruments. Are trains "born" knowing this when they come out of the factories? Or do they have to be taught by their parents or some kind of yard school? (Does Greaseball misspell "sorry" because he wasn't properly taught, or is that just because he survived a crash a short time before and probably hit his head?) Fun fact: The Canadian Pacific incorporated "school cars" which regularly toured the lines to give education to the children of railroad workers and aboriginals (and sometimes their parents). Make of that what you will, fanfic writers. How long does it take trains to reach mental maturity? While trains may not "age" the same way as humans do, mentally or physically, how mature are they when they are brought to life? How many weeks/months/years does it take before they can work? Race? Marry? (How old are the canon's youngest characters, Pearl and Electra, in your fanworld?) How do trains interact with their co-workers? On passenger trains, how do cars relate to their engines? How do the sleepers relate to the chair cars? How do the first-class are at the back of the train relate to the baggage cars at the front? How does everyone relate to those scenarios when there are freight-carrying cars (like horse cars and express reefers)? How do the cars on one train relate to the cars on another? On freight trains, how do the trucks interact with the engine and the caboose? How do they interact with trucks and cabooses on other trains? Many freight trucks can actually end up riding on trains that belong to another company. (A person in the east might order cargo from a company in the west, so the western railroad pays a fee to let their truck ride on an eastern line.) How do the "new" guys feel on another train? How does everyone relate to switch engines (those engines that link and unlink trains)? Rusty laments that he hitches and switches at everyone's call, implying he is seen as a servant, but is that how all switch engines are seen, or just him? What kind of rights do trains have around humans? Caboose says he'll "take the fifth" (referring to the Fifth Amendment), and the components establish that the police exist in "Wide Smile." However, at the same time the British train can be scrapped. (Of course, we all know Princey can show up in the finale depending upon the production). To what degree are trains owned by their companies, and to what degree are they their own individuals? What other kinds of laws might be in place in a world where Pacific Rim styled trains co-exist with humans? Are there any laws that protect trains specifically? (What stops one train from building another train for immoral purposes such as slavery or smuggling?) How do electric engines get to the yard? Electric locomotives get their power from pantographs or from a third rail, so while Electra probably does have head-end power to give electricity to a coach (and shoot his components for the fun of it), he would not be able to get the power necessary to move far away from electric tracks. Since Dinah and Greaseball are going steady, but Dinah is implied not to be from the Union Pacific (otherwise she would wear yellow and represent her company and her boyfriend in the world championship race), then Control's yard (in a real-train AU) would have to be near UP tracks -- which is pretty far from electric lines. In 1992-1993 the Swedish electric X2000 train toured the Continental US on Amtrak lines. In order to get it across lines without overhanging wires, the X2000 was hooked to a diesel engine! So, who might have been the engine who transported Electra to the yard? Who transported the electric Nationals? How do celebrities and media work in your fanworld? Greaseball is the reigning champion for racing. Has he ever been interviewed on TV or for newspapers/magazines? Has he ever been given a celebrity endorsement in a commercial? Electra is supposed to be a train rock star. Has he ever held a concert? Do trains, humans or both attend? While the components are supposed to be his entourage, a real musician might have even more staff such as roadies, technicians, press agents, photographers, chefs, etc.. Who handles these jobs? Does he have songs playing on the radio? The Rockies mention that in the past they tried for a boxing championship (and failed), and when Rocky One is asked to partner with a steam train, he replies that his fans wouldn't "like to see me get beat." What other non-racing athletic events are available to trains, and how popular are they? Going further, CB says, "See the news on your TV," meaning that trains have access to television. He also mentions E.T., Donald Duck, Kermit the Frog, Snow White, Piglet and Winnie the Pooh, and Bambi (and Heidi in the German version). In the Broadway version he also mentions Lex Luther and Spats Colombo. This all shows that trains are able to watch movies and probably read books and comic books. So, has a train ever published a book? Do trains have their own magazines? Magazine models? In the real world, some trains are famous for being in movies (or multiple movies). Are these regarded as film stars in the StEx universe? Who gets to have shelter? In "Starlight Express" Rusty sings, "When your good nights have been said and you are lying in bed with the covers pulled up tight." Meanwhile, Belle sleeps on a coal pile, and no one bats an eye at it. Who has houses/sheds? Who doesn't? How does money work? Considering how small bills and coins are compared to humans, how are trains paid? A money truck like Purse might use a computer to handle Electra's finances, but what of other trains? Are they paid in notes which they can exchange later for legal tender ? Are they paid in ration cards? Spare parts or merchandise? How common are conversions? CB's costume shows that he used to be a boxcar. Greaseball and Electra at least consider converting to steam. Real life freight trucks have been converted to passenger equipment (like baggage cars) and vice versa. How common are these types of vehicles? How does train society view them?

#starlight express #writing aid #fanfic help

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arthurbooth-blog · 6 years ago

Video

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Viewtiful Vegan meal preparation video

26/05/2019

The Viewtiful Vegan Meal Preparation video discussed in this post is attached to this blog post, and a sound clip follows allowing listeners to hear a louder version of the music without dialogue. As the final video has the soundtrack’s music part turned down to place emphasis on information provided by the presenter. The sound clip is directly above this post.

Tom Anderson sent me visual material without voice-over dialogue so I could begin work on accompanying music sketches. I had already researched online meal preparation videos and started to breakdown their soundtracks into their various facets to deduce what makes them effective, and identify music trends used by this medium. I collated my observations into a table using the method I applied to Aperol Spritz, noting information on genre, tempo - Beats Per Minute (BPM), time signature, rhythm, atmosphere, and instruments used. I then considered similarities and differences. The table is below, and underneath a description of analysis outcomes:

Screenshot of table

The “Genre & Tempo (BPM)” column shows a similarity between three videos which feature a form of Hip-hop with a range from 85-95 BPM. The other video’s music was not Hip-hop but did share some Hip-hop beat rhythm and structure qualities, suggesting Hip-hop music trends for meal preparation videos. The “Time Signature & Rhythm, Atmosphere” column shows that although time signatures are 4/4 in all videos researched, the rhythm and atmosphere varies from chilled and smooth, to motivational, upbeat and energetic, suggesting the use of a 4/4 time signature as a trend - nothing too complicated that would take listeners’ attention away from cooking instructions. The “Instruments” column shows instruments used, mostly using guitar, piano, and with additional instruments like synthesiser, violin, or beatboxing. There were no vocals, which makes sense as they could conflict with presenter’s dialogue, which would occupy the same frequency range. All soundtracks blend acoustic and electronic sounds featuring effects like reverb, delay, and filtering, which inspired me to create a piece that sounds both acoustic and electronic.

First I created a Hip-hop beat at 90 BPM consisting of a kick and snare drum with cymbals and a processed amen break. Careful sample selection was required – I chose sounds with a rough and heavy old drum kit feel to add character and applied Native Instruments Transient Master to change each sound’s attack and sustain to accentuate these characteristics. I added samples of acoustic instruments like piano in the Ableton Live Sampler and plugged-in my Akai MPK Mini MIDI Keyboard, allowing me to play piano notes in my own rhythm. I also edited a saxophone sample and placed it in a higher octave, before adding reverb and delay. Akai MPK screenshot below:

Akai MPK Mini MIDI Keyboard

Next, I created intro and outro music for video clips. My initial meeting notes (displayed proposal Appendix A) show Tom Anderson agreed to intro and outro options which could be used in different YouTube videos. When we discussed this a few months later, Tom’s vision had slightly changed as he now plans to use the same introduction and conclusion visual material and sound in every video to build branding consistency. He said he no longer saw a use for a 15 and 20 second introduction or ending as he wanted his videos short and snappy and favoured two different 5-10 second pieces, one for the introduction and one for the ending, and a new 10-15 second part to play during the closing scene, accompanied by a photo montage. I agreed to replicate the client’s vision as closely as possible.

I created a simple 5.6-second introduction piece with a welcoming atmosphere to help draw people into the video, using instruments like horn, trumpet, piano, and thumb piano. The use of an impact sound effect layered with the final note helped signify the ident end and create a flow through into the main video. Care was taken to create an ident that could be used for all the right purposes in Viewtiful Vegan videos. Haine describes considerations taken by the Feirstein Graduate School of Cinema which needed ident music that could be used for every different genre of film the school released, “The trickiest part is that an ident sound also needs to be somewhat neutral. While a super rocking vibe might work in front of some movies, it won't play well in front of a tense family drama, so a sound to be found that introduces all movies without flavoring them” (Haine, 2018). To create an ident appropriate for meal preparation, exercise, and future diet tips it had to be neutral, and by keeping it short and simple with instruments that were easy on the ear, I managed to retain the required neutrality. Reverb increased depth and gave elements like the thumb piano warm reverb tails, adding to the welcoming atmosphere I was aiming for.

I tackled the 10-second picture montage piece by creating a basic Hip-hop beat at 90 BPM with a kick and snare drum with various hi-hat cymbals, and used similar instrument parts to the introduction ident with a modified arrangement, and a new piano melody.

Finally, I produced a 5.4-second ending ident. For this aspect I felt able to take a more detailed approach and include more layers than the intro ident as the simplistic welcoming atmosphere was not required, and the client preferred a definitive slightly dramatic conclusion to his videos. The screenshot below shows different sound groups used to create the ident:

Ending ident - groups

The first group “Drums” (right side of the screenshot) contains a conclusive sounding drum fill with crash cymbals. The “Trumpet” group holds simultaneous trumpet parts playing in different octaves, using octave doubling (discussed in the previous blog entry) to create a more dramatic ending. The third group “Sub” holds the sub-bass which occupies the lower end of the frequency range and adds weight to the ident. The fourth group “Melody” contains horns playing together in different octaves, again with octave doubling, accompanying the trumpet parts. High reverb levels were used on these horns to help them stand-out as an iconic ident element. “DRUM ROLL” holds different drum roll samples. The idea was that fading-in different versions of drum rolls becoming faster and faster, generated a sense of increasing tension and drama until the final impact sound where the drum roll cuts off. The next group “Rise” consists of two tracks holding Native Instruments Massive patches where the attack on the global envelope (“Envelope 4”) was increased to create a rising sound, I faded these in with the same fade setting as the “Drum Roll” tracks so that they were a force working together and the “Rise” group added to the heightening sense of tension. Finally, the “IMPACT” group holds impact sound effects where a slightly different technique of duplicating and reversing the impact sound and placing it before the final definitive impact hit was used, so which would add to the building intensity of the elements in the “DRUM ROLL” and “Rise” groups.

When I sent these parts to Tom Anderson asking for feedback, his response was positive and enthusiastic and he sent me the introduction, ending, and picture montage video. I edited them together in iMovie and selected transitions suitable for the video’s atmosphere. Tom confirmed he really liked the transitions, so I formulated the first draft by importing the video and all parts into Logic Pro X and arranged them accordingly. I also used volume automation to ensure the music was not too loud while dialogue was present.

When working on the first draft I wanted to make the dialogue sound as clear as possible, so I researched effects and processing chains applied to improve dialogue. The advice in the ProTools is Awesome website recommends to EQ dialogue by placing a high-pass filter on the low-frequency range under 100Hz, and a low-pass on the high-frequency range starting in the region of 10-12kHz. The site also suggests removing “honky” unwanted mid-range timbres by reducing gain around 400Hz and tiny increases in gain around 4kHz which helps with consonant clarity (ProTools is Awesome, 2011). I used this advice as a starting point, then made experimental adjustments to find the best sound.

With the first draft of the video completed, I met Tom Anderson and discussed it at length. He was very happy with the project. I pointed out some mistakes in the voice-over soundtrack he had made, suggesting re-recording these parts (showing him the timings) explaining it would be simple to replace them, but he rejected this suggestion saying he would “rather sound real than grammatically correct for a YouTube video audience”.

I presented the video attached to this post at the next production showcase seeking feedback on the balance between the volume levels of the music in comparison to the dialogue, as I had been testing different volumes and proceeded to follow these tips and techniques in an attempt to improve professionalism and quality in the final product. The feedback is shown in the picture below:

References

Haine, C. (2018) How Do You Create the Perfect Motion Ident for Your Production Company? [Online]. No Film School. Available at: https://nofilmschool.com/2018/05/creating-motion-ident (Accessed 12 April 2019).

Protoolsisawesome.com (2011) The Dialog Chain: what, why, how? (Part 1) – Pro Tools is Awesome! [Online]. Available at: https://www.protoolsisawesome.com/?p=145 (Accessed 19 April 2019).

Filmography

Weeknight Meals | Basics with Babish (2018) YouTube video, added by Binging with Babish [Online]. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQm9Bk2bA_Q&fbclid=IwAR0KeE-Fjl__yjZBG3fHbGzdVjlR-sRrH57Ew0l4KEmSgKpKqvj1SVRLHzg (Accessed 27 March 2019).

5 HEALTHY LUNCH IDEAS FOR WORK & SCHOOL (2018) YouTube video, added by Stephi Nguyen [Online]. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8f79vwzWVQ&fbclid=IwAR1mnW1U3uafx8UPGGuf5v6enHnWzfmyLFmaJYTBIO2HNEhQgr6z3nl7tT0 (Accessed 26 March 2019).

The Only Meal Prep Guide You Need To Follow • Tasty (2019) YouTube video, added by Tasty [Online]. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17Bagme20IM (Accessed 26 March 2019).

Meal Prep For Weight Loss - Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and Snacks - 1600-1700 Calories (2018) YouTube video, added by Water Jug Fitness [Online]. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM6z_XkPn_g&fbclid=IwAR3eOjNDHgyWretcbNYAqepNlIwGpBroVDbCylSvjtoqWwmwVPVNs4a-Bj8 (Accessed 27 March 2019).

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skipygmod · 8 years ago

Text

Commentary - Why is Spongebob Squarepants currently TERRIBLE

youtube

What the hell happened, man? I remember when old and young ones said you were undeniably the best cartoon ever, I remember when they said that you were an improved version of Rocko and Ren & Stimpy.

They used to put you next to icons like Spiderman or Superman, now you’re not what you used to be. What happened? I understand that when a new concept lengthens so much, it stops being what it used to be. But that’s not the problem, Spongebob not only is not what it used to be, it’s just terrible. First the biggest and the most obvious problem is:

Flanderization: What is Flanderization? It is the most desperate resource of every mediocre writter. When a series has been aired for years, and now they’re out of ideas, the medicore writter resorts to turning the characters personalities up to eleven.

I’ll give you an example of what Flanderization is. Picture that I created a character, Totu. Totu is a soccer fan, he practices an hour everyday and values his friends and family. When the show has been airing for 6 years, the original writter leaves and now the medicore writter makes Totu to have soccer as his main trait to the degree of playing soccer naked on his backyard, at dawn, eventhough it’s snowing; sending his friends and family to hell. If they interrupt his soccer practice he’ll probably beat them up, and it’s insinuated that he probably has had sex with his ball and you get the idea.

What it used to be a relative nice and relatable character, now it’s a one-dimensional character, whose representative feauture is Soccer and his hobby is so over the top that it turned out nasty and obnoxious.

Another example of Flanderization is that a character whose favorite food is pie. As the show keeps going, he becomes a pie obsessive. Everytime he appears, he has to do something pie-related. He goes to pie convensions, he wears clothes with pie pictures on them, and he only talks about pie.

To this point is clear what Flanderization is about, and how you noticed, a lot of sitcom series suffer from it. I guess many of you see how this fits perfectly with New Spongebob.

Spongebob, who was a naive, but smart kid, now he’s idiotic as Patrick. Being an idiot never was his trait, he was just naive. He was devoted to his work, because he was a dedicated and industrious person. Now there’s an episode where he falls in love with a fucking hamburger.

UGH.

He bothered cranky Squidward because of his naiveness and for the most part because he was asking for it before, now it looks like he’s in love with Squidward, he spies on him and even breathes heavily in front of him.

In another episode, Spongebob buys a new pet as company for Gary, that pet transforms into a monster and is about to eat Gary, when Spogebob arrives he nags Gary because he thinks Gary is bothering the other pet.

Spongebob wasn’t that stupid in the past, he was able to recognize danger and he even risked himself to save his friends. This is not funny, it doesn’t fit with the show’s humor. It’s sadistic and maddening to the point of satiation.

What’s with the emphasis in making the characters to act like sadistic assholes? What’s the point of it? Patrick also has his problems, he was an idiot before, he didn’t truly affect anyone. He said dumb things and did harmeless idiocy.

Now Patrick is a danger, he’s no longer an idiot, he’s an asshole.

In this scene Patrick is “helping” Spongebob pouring glue so he can be stuck forever. NO really, he’s actually “helping him”

Everything he does ends up in Spongebob or Squidward getting hurt.

“Hahahaha! How funny, his best friend did this to him” – Current writers.

Making emphasis on how doesn’t Patrick realize on the physical or moral harm he’s doing.

I’m not surprised that the Internet hates him so MUCH right now.

Or even worse, making emphasis on how he doesn’t give a fuck about all of these. New Patrick’s levels of assholeness are so high that many episodes can be considered he’s got a villain status since his only function is to torture the characters. And of course, getting away with it.

It’s not like the good old days where karma existed on the series and whose do bad deeds ended up paying the price. Now the point is that the assholes get away and the innocents end up paying the price.

Sandy of course, her only trait is science. Plankton to this point is now a buffoon that makes Mr. Krabs to look like the real villain of the show. Mr. Krabs’ exaggeration for money is so ridiculous that he chooses a few coins instead of his friends or even his own daughter. It’s not like in the past when he cared for spending time with his daughter, helping her on her prom or spending money for Mrs. Puff or worrying about Spongebob’s health.

No, now Mr. Krabs doesn’t give two shits about them and his fatherhood has been exterminated. Now money is more like a sick paraphillia for him. Squidward, well, he was an embittered individual, now he’s sank on depression and every one of his scenes are amazingly painfull to watch.

Yes, it’s not fake. They’re truly suggesting suicide in “Spongebob Squarepants”

Flanderization is undoubtedly one of the most distinctive problems with new “Spongebob Squarepants” but there are also other problems.

Bad Direction: Spongebob Squarepants’ soundtrack is one of the catchiest of any cartoon, however the direction nowadays are wasting its long music repertory to repeat them over and over again. It’s like they lost the rights of the music and they can only use four tracks instead.

What the flying fuck is that?

The habitants design are getting more stilted and humanoid

some of them don’t look like fishes anymore.

And in general, it feels like the show is not going underwater anymore. The references to maritime stuff are gone and instead of putting coral as trees, now they’re putting normal trees. Its sea vibe is absent.

On the other hand, the animation which is not bad, is no longer expresive or visually fun as it used to. They forgot the visual gags, and have replaced them with grotesque imagery and moments. The reason why Hillenburg wanted a storyboard and script based show, is because he wanted the visual jokes to well represented.

And the 3rd problem with this dog’s breakfast is:

Jokes are slow or they’re not even there: There are new episodes where comedy is non-existant and no joke is happening. Other episodes take their comedy on making Spongebob cry or making other characters scream. It’s not enough to say that it is not funny at all and gets so irritating, meanwhile the old Spongebob, you had joke after joke, with well-made dialogues and visual gags; here jokes take an eternity or basically they’re not present.

I won’t deny that the in the old Spongebob had kinda slow jokes too, but there weren’t moments were Spongebob started to count or cry for TWO whole minutes.

We also have to point out that the majority of its comedy is based on cruelty, grotesque and disgusting stuff, the old Spongebob had grotesque stuff too, but it wasn’t the focus point of every joke.

ALWAYS, but ALWAYS, the SAME THING: There are only three types of episodes in this shit:

One where the focus is to torture a character, (especially, Squidward) and making emphasys on their pain.2) An episode with a grotesque premise. For example: Spongebob getting pus out of his zits.3) Plankton stealing the Krabby Patty formula.

An episode with a grotesque premise. For example: Spongebob getting pus out of his zits.

Plankton stealing the Krabby Patty formula.

Writers seem not interested to try something different. I kid you not that I can’t count the bazillion times that an episode ended in Squidward or Mrs. Puff getting arrested. It’s like the writers can’t think of a different wrap-up.“Oh, we tortured Squidward already, what else can we do? Oh, I know, arrest him for some stupid reason, that can be funny”To this point I’m 100% sure that these writers are apathetic of their job and they hate what they’re doing. And finally the last point and the one I hate the most:

The show reduced itself to be the most mean-spirited, unfair, crudest, cruelest, and darkest as it can be (Dark humour done wrong): Also translated to a Ren & Stimpy wannabe. Everybody in this show is trying to make miserable to each other. Everybody hate their lives, everybody are fucked up on the head,

And the biggest focus in the series is to make you uncomfortable with all the shit the characters has to put up with, now is seeing Patrick hurting Spongebob, seeing Squidward going through physical pain and punnishing the innocent. It’s like the show is trying to be a Ren & Stimpy wannabe.

In Ren & Stimpy, the tortures had to do with situation, here happen just because. Out of nowhere. Without a funny context in the situation. It’s just a show made for making the characters suffer most of the time. I know that Squidward suffered in the old episodes, but mostly was because he was asking for it.

He (Squidward) also had his glory moments like in “Band Geeks”. Now Squidward can’t sit down to relax because Spongebob and Patrick come to burn his eyes out, rip peaces of skin off, and of course ending up getting arrested or homeless.

I really don’t have nothing against sadistic humour, I think it’s funny in many series, but Spongebob Squarepants, whose humour wasn’t focused in that, and it had touching moments, it really feels forced and shocking.

The specific moment when the show started its decline was when “Good Neighbors” premiered. Like I said all the characters in the past had their well-deserved reward and well-deserved punnishment according the karma.

Now in the new episodes, Mrs. Puff and Squidward were in so many death-risk moments that they want to KILL Spongebob. It gets far from funny and it gets uncomfortable, disturbing and ruins the touching moments of the show.

“This is not funny, it’s INSANITY, it’s DISTURBING, seriously, this is not “Drawn Together” or “Family Guy”. This was supposed to be aimed to 8-Years old”

Meanwhile, in another dimmension

Like Mrs. Puff worrying for making Spongebob pass, Squidward felt sorry for making Spongebob cry or even Squidward cryied for Spongebob because he thought he was dead. And even when Squidward gave away his belonging on Christmas to make Spongebob happy

(Go to 9:37) Have in mind that it was SQUIDWARD who said THAT, which makes this triple as touching.

What happened to you, man? I used to be your fan, at the end there’s nothing else to see, another screw-up from Nickelodeon, and another show that doesn’t deserve new episodes, if the 2nd movie is either going to be good or bad, I really don’t know what to think, I hope I do, and it may be the finale, nevertheless, the damage is already done.

(Go to 9:59 of the video)

#Perezoso Doom #deterioration #commentary #Sloth Commentary #Spongebob Squarepants

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liz-and-the-blue-bird · 8 years ago

Text

2016 Year In Review

Where Kurt talks about literally everything.

Totally not late 👌.

(Recommended Sountrack. You may just want to put it on loop.)

(Alternate soundtrack. This is what I listened to for the majority of writing this.)

Top lists are a sort of fun exercise for me. They present a unique challenge: to sell an idea well but short enough so the full list is reasonable to read in an afternoon. They also allow me to flex my own creative muscles by talking about many topics and concepts all at once. One of my favorite parts about anime is writing and talking about it after all. So top lists let me do that all of that for a bunch of different shows all at once. Also they’re pretty interesting to compare to other critics who are much better than me and like, do this for a living. I find that when I compare top lists to each other, they tend to agree on what each individual show is doing, yet disagree on which is the best. But I digress.

Anyway, if you read last years’ post, thank you—the writing in it sucks compared to how I write now so I don’t blame you if you don’t read it. Secondly, I’m changing the format a bit: I’ll still do a top five list, but I also have a few anime that I’ll just call “notable.” To me they aren’t good enough to put in my top list, but have interesting ideas or execution that is worth talking about (also, some other people may believe that they are worth their top list, which is a discussion topic in and of itself). Then I’ll just list off the rest of the shows I watched this year and give them little cute bite-sized reviews. I’ll also give star ratings out of 5 to everything (2.5 is the “average show,” but I refuse to rate with a fraction). Now then, we have a lot to get through so let’s get cracking.

Top Five New Anime

As always, in airing order.

Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku wo! (KonoSuba: God’s Blessing on This Wonderful World!)

Jan 14, 2016 to Mar 17, 2016; 10 episodes; Studio DEEN (btw is it Deen or DEEN? I can’t seem to find any consensus on this.)

So like, think SAO, but not edgy. KonoSuba takes the inherent absurdity of the SAO premise and puts that at the forefront. It opts out of the darker concepts that most of these “stuck in another world” anime tend to take in favor of hilarity. This is mostly done by creating a world that is legitimately wonderful as opposed to fake-difficult. Which means that the ridiculous problems the protagonists have are not at all because the world sucks, it’s because they suck. Each of them are jerks or weirdos in their own way and how they play with each other and the world is a riot. The show also does lots of clever things with its videogame world like: how luck stats affects quest rewards, how one develops their own skill repertoire, how dying works—hell, the first episode uses a literal pause as a method of conveying the protagonist’s thoughts. It feels like a DnD campaign that went off the rails in the best possible way. Even the show’s weakness, the occasional moments of terrible or rushed animation, are leveraged into comedic beats. It’s only 10 episodes (and a fantastic OVA) and a sequel is coming out soon. It’s definitely worth the watch.

★★★★☆

I didn’t expect to ever put a DEEN show on this list.

Mother’s Basement did an OP analysis along with Re:Zero here.

Boku No Hero Academia (My Hero Academia)

Apr 3, 2016 to Jun 26, 2016; 13 episodes; Bones

Many hero shows nowadays are trying to be a dark and intense, discussing themes of loss or the responsibilities of power. My Hero Academia handles hard concepts like that as well (especially in the most recent arc in the manga), but, first and foremost, it absolutely loves heroes. The original writer is a huge fan of old American comics and this show is a shonen recreation of the original Golden Age of superheroes. They explode onto the scene. They smile in the face of overwhelming odds. They always beat the villain and save the day. The best heroes are those that just want to be heroic and this show understands that. It’s world, like the author, loves heroes. The school loves heroes. The main character loves heroes. This incredibly positive view just emanates from the show and can be felt in every aspect. By far it’s biggest weakness is Bones seems a bit afraid to take risks: the fights a bit too true to the manga and the pace afraid of running out of material. But the character writing, the world building, the soundtrack are all top notch. A sequel is in the works and there’s also an OVA story that isn’t in the manga. An easy recommendation.

★★★★☆

One of my favorite critics, Nick Creamer, did a review on ANN. He also reads the manga and talks about it often on his blog, Wrong Every Time.

Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-)

Apr 4, 2016 to Sep 19, 2016; 25 episodes; White Fox

The opposite of KonoSuba—Re:Zero instead takes the SAO premise and makes it legitimately dark. It does this, not by making a main character whose defining character trait is “I’m cool,” but by crafting a world that is half high fantasy and half intangible, unceasing horror. The show leans on the uncertainty of being thrust into a new world and the agony of respawning again and again while talking to people who killed you as if they weren’t ticking time bombs. However, this story is not built to crush you. It carries heavy elements, not to present meaningless challenges to a blatantly overpowered protagonist (cough), but to push the protagonist to strive harder. In this way, it creates a relatable character. A character who we know is not strong and sometimes doubts himself, just like how we do when we face our own monsters. Then he faces his problems head on, sometimes by himself and sometimes with friends who don’t really understand the depth of his struggle. It says to the audience “this is not the end of your story” in a way that fills us with determination to reach our own happy endings. And that is a story worth telling.

★★★★★

This is probably the best story about being thrown into another world since…KonoSuba. 2016 was pretty good about this premise tbh, especially when you also consider Grimgar was released as well.

Mother’s Basement did an OP analysis along with Kono Suba here.

Flying Witch

Apr 10, 2016 to Jun 26, 2016; 12 episodes; J.C.Staff

Flying Witch doesn’t really have anything important to say. It doesn’t have a deep meaning like “one’s journey to personal peace” or “the intrinsic strength of the human spirit.” It’s just a slice of life story put in a casually magical setting. Like every good slice of life, episodes aren’t super related, and once you know all the characters you can watch it in basically any order. Some episodes don’t even show off any magic. All it does is carry a carefree lighthearted tone for 12 episodes. The show does this by establishing the world with many, many wide environment shots and then dropping so many quirky-cute characters whose interactions are so lovely and so charming that you just have to come back. In many ways, this show is K-on! except the captivating music scenes are replaced with equally stunning magical scenes. And I adore its sound design. Many of the most iconic tracks are reprises of its main theme at different tempos or with different instruments, creating a very cohesive experience throughout the series. In particular, its flying theme is gorgeous. Just like K-on!, it’s one of those shows that you watch on a rainy day and it will be just what you need. Flying Witch has quietly entered my personal favorites.

★★★★★

None of the critics I follow have made long articles about this anime. What this is telling me is I need to find more anime bloggers. Now taking suggestions.

Yuri!!! on Ice

Oct 6, 2016 to Dec 22, 2016; 12 episodes; MAPPA

To say this show was an endeavor would be selling it short. Yuri!!! on Ice tackles something like seven or eight parallel stories and relevant backstories of characters who all have different cultures and goals, and then it also has to explain enough about professional skating for you to actually care and understand the performances the show takes so much time to show and, if that wasn’t enough, it’s also LGBT. You have to give it to MAPPA for trying. The success of each of these aspects is middling, but, at the very least, it handles the stories of Yuuri, Yurio, and Victor fairly well. I’ve already touched on many of the techniques it uses to develop it’s expansive cast, but setting that aside, there is just a lot of show here. In order to communicate the number of ideas it tackles, the show presents everything full of purpose. Most scenes work overtime here and the resulting dialogue pops. Even the commercial break cuts are used effectively: they are foods that are native to the region that the cast is currently in which establishes a sense of place. At the same time, they’re food, so they refer back to the Yuuri’s in-joke about being a pork cutlet bowl and also maintain the lighthearted, happy tone of the show. Yuri!!! on Ice is efficient like that. It’s also one of those rare shows that sneaks into the public eye, so supporting it feels a tiny bit like supporting animation as a medium. But, before all that, it’s a story about a guy who follows his dream. That’s about as grand a story as anyone can tell.

★★★★☆

Notables

Hai to Gensou no Grimgar (Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash)

Jan 11, 2016 to Mar 28, 2016; 12 episodes; A-1 Pictures

If you read just the premise, this show should suck. It’s just another one of those “stuck in another world” anime that come out every season. However, it has an interesting secondary hook: it’s actually a slice of life. Some of the most interesting portions of SAO and Log Horizon were how the videogame world interacted with the daily lives of the characters, so a show about this should be good, right? Unfortunately for Grimgar, it seems to be in the business of ruining it’s own emotional beats. The first episode is a good example of this: they open with a goblin hunting section that would be high tension, yet the animation struggles to provide the necessary impact. A training sequence occurs, but ends up paying too much attention to the instructor’s fanservice to offer anything meaningful. Then there’s a bit where the main crew gather round the campfire for some casual conversation which also stumbles because their topic of discussion is witch girl’s breasts. In fact, a lot of potential emotional hits snuff themselves out by becoming fanservice beats instead. A real shame.

★★☆☆☆

Flip Flappers

Oct 6, 2016 to Dec 29, 2016; 13 episodes; Studio 3Hz

Well, I’ve already talked about how I feel about this show, but it just keeps popping up. To me, Flip Flappers comes across as trying too hard and losing focus and meaning as it tries to rationalize its own absurd world. It fails to explain bits and pieces, and, once you go down this rabbit hole, you have to hit everything. So we end up with this sort of half-done mess. However, people are still talking about it, so I think your assessment of Flip Flappers is a personal measurement of how much BS you can handle before you reject a plot idea. And the plot really is the “only” thing that grinded me about Flip Flappers. It had interesting characters, clever world building, and its ability to play with its animation style produced lots of great single episodes. It’s not a bad show, but it depends on what kind of person you are to tell if it’s a great show.

★★★☆☆

Short Answer Section

Ok, hopefully this goes by faster.

Winter 2016

Prince of Stride: Alternative - Madhouse does sports anime sounds like a good show. Unfortunately, this is less sports anime and more otome game. The parkour/running scenes are well animated (it’s Madhouse), but the character beats don’t work very well. All in all, ok. - ★★☆☆☆

Musaigen no Phantom World - Flip Flappers but bad. How disappointing. - ★☆☆☆☆

Sekkou Boys - Honestly? Not terrible. It’s a short, so attempting to put any sort of character development is kind of a crazy idea, but at least it was hilarious. - ★★☆☆☆

ERASED - 2/3rds of a great show. The first 8-ish episodes are tightly written and well directed. The next 4 are…less so. At least for the writing part—the direction is still pretty good. ERASED fails to explain some character developments in ways that really make sense. This is similar to my problem with Flip Flappers, but, as ERASED is a mystery thriller, it is a much larger oversight. In short, the director once again proves himself much better than the works he has been given to adapt. - ★★★☆☆

Zootopia - Disney does not suck, usually. Zootopia, in fact, is one of their better films. The setting is actually self-explanatory enough to work without too much info dumping, so it uses this kooky setting to tell a story that is relevant to our own world. Being a mystery/detective thriller, the plot is required to be more tight than Disney animated movies usually are and for the most part Zootopia delivers. It’s probably the best animated Disney movie this year. - ★★★★☆

Spring 2016

Uchuu Patrol Luluco - Trigger at their Trigger-iest. Luluco actually manages to reference (“reference” aka “directly call out”) every single Trigger show in this short mini-series. It’s actually a really fun ride, in the same way that Gurren Lagann is, but because of how much it meanders it loses some of it’s punch. Still, I’d recommend it because honestly, at 13*6=74 minutes total running time, what have you got to lose? - ★★★★☆

Gyakuten Saiban: Sono “Shinjitsu”, Igi Ari! (Ace Attorney) - Ace Attorney shows us that some things are much better played than watched (like some other shows). But, all in all, it didn’t suck. It’s actually pretty good for people who don’t have the time to play the games. And I did get a lot of notes on that one post… - ★★☆☆☆

Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta? - For the most part, a generic harem anime except the archetypes are marginally more interesting and the secondary hook is unconventional (videogames as opposed to…super human high school. We live in a world where super human high school is more common than just videogame club). The fanservice is expected. The comedy is ok. Overall it’s just kinda eh. - ★★☆☆☆

Sakamoto desu ga? - This show is actually just one joke repeated for twelve episodes. I mean it’s a pretty good joke; you could call this the slice of life One Punch Man. But I liked One Punch Man—I put it on the top list last year, so what’s wrong with this show? Well the strength of One Punch Man is not actually Saitama (haha), but rather the cast of side characters. Since Saitama is a static character, the development is shipped to everyone else so we get our character beats from them. Then, Saitama is used only for comedic beats. Sakamoto, on the other hand, fails to do this, and instead uses a rotating static character cast, so it has to rely entirely on comedy to compel you to watch. And, like I said, it’s just one joke repeated for twelve episodes. - ★★☆☆☆

Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge - Like Sakamoto, Tanaka-kun is also just one joke, but it spends a bit more time developing the surrounding cast since that joke isn’t as potent. It’s slow pace reminds me a lot of Flying Witch, but it uses its characters more than its environment for the jokes. In fact, that’s probably the more important difference: there are more jokes. Flying Witch is content to let you stew in the world for a while, but Tanaka-kun feels pressured to hit you with another joke right after another. It’s not a bad show, but it’s a bit clumsy in its execution. - ★★★☆☆

Kiznaiver (2/12) - I touched on this already, but Kiznaiver is an interesting enough topic to revisit. Often for character shows, a director will take one of two ways to show relationships: 1) understated gestures and close up camera angles on expressive body parts—this is the stance KyoAni and PA Works likes to take—or 2) metaphor as shorthand to character mindsets, anywhere from expressive skating performances to personal demons gone physical. Neither of these is really Trigger’s style, so for their own character story, Kiznaiver, they turn the relationships into an actual physical connection and then use force to move relationships. I still haven’t gotten around to finishing it, but it’s a clever workaround and very Trigger even if it’s not their usual director. I’m excited to see how it’s done. - ★★★☆☆?

Finding Dory - I…don’t remember much of it. Usually that means it’s just kind of ok. A “just kind of ok” Disney movie probably means it’s above average so let’s go with that. (I am a serious critic who seriously critiques things with seriousness.) - ★★★☆☆?

I need to start writing shorter opinions or we’ll be here all day.

Summer 2016

That scroll bar is getting pretty small…

Love Live! Sunshine!! (3/13) - Of the 3 episodes I’ve watched, this seems very much like “Love Live! 2, Love Liver!!” It still has this weird problem of taking itself too seriously (remember “I love school idols!” ?), but Sunrise is a roll here, given another iteration we might have a very good character comedy. - ★★★☆☆?

New Game! - Aside from having the most adorable OP of 2016, this show isn’t really notable. Yeah, it’s cute, it’s Doga Kobo. Yeah, it’s funny, it’s Doga Kobo. There’s some fanservice, often leveraged into comedy a la Monogatari, but that’s kind of it. For the most part, this is Shirobako channeling K-on! which sounds amazing but ends up just being pretty ok. I wonder how much better it could be given a two cour season. - ★★★☆☆

Taboo Tattoo (1/screw it) - I was coerced into watching one episode of this thing. It has like almost an interesting premise but every time they introduced another character I just got more disappointed. Please send help. - ☆☆☆☆☆

Amanchu! (1/12) - J.C.Staff has this weird artistic style that seems to change completely whenever they are making a joke. This works for some anime, but it’s not very subtle. In the case of Amanchu!, I think they needed to deliver it with a more softer style overall, but it’s not a deal breaker. I just haven’t gotten around to watching the rest. - ★★☆☆☆?

Kono Bijutsubu ni wa Mondai ga Aru! (3/12) - Comedy anime about girls in art club falling in love with a dense otaku and surrounded by other quirky idiots is not a new concept. To be different, Konobi tries to provide more structure to its story, evident just from the first episode. Well, I’m only 3 episodes in but I’ve found the comedy weakens the plot and the plot weakens the comedy. Often with short seasons, it’s better to focus on only one aspect, as dividing your resources like this results in a mediocre show, but I still haven’t gotten that far. I’m hopeful. - ★★☆☆☆?

Fall 2016

WWW.Working!! (6/13) - It basically plays out like Working!! lite. WWW.Working!! was the original “rough draft” for the Working!! manga after all, so it kind of makes sense. It’s alright. Working!! is a stronger show overall and has a rare multi-season full adaptation, so, choosing only one, I’d choose Working!!. That was probably really confusing. - ★★★☆☆?

Shuumatsu no Izetta (2/12) - History drama meets magical girls. You know, maybe we should stop making so many “x + Magical girls” anime. It’s an interesting take and the direction it goes is pretty fun. Instead of following a WW2 titan, you follow a small country that needs the magical girl to keep themselves from getting totally destroyed. I’m not sure I’ll finish it, but if that’s your kind of vibe, Izetta is the show for you. - ★★☆☆☆?

Mahou Shoujo Ikusei Keikaku (1/12) - Continuing the theme of “x + Magical girls” anime, this one is Magical Girls meets Battle Royal. At least, that’s what it’s supposed to be. The pace is so incredibly slow that the little premise you read on MAL tells you the story past the first episode already. I don’t think I’ll be coming back to this one. - ★☆☆☆☆?

Cheating Craft (2/12) - Calling this an Anime is kind of hazy but luckily this post is about more than just anime. The first episode is sort of a flashback type deal that explains the concept and the next episode is the first of what seems to be a series of tests. Instead of the subtle strategic type of show I expected, it’s actually just ok-ish action with poorly defined characters. So it’s been dropped. - ★☆☆☆☆?

Hibike! Euphonium 2 - I’ve talked about this so much you guys probably already know my stance on it. It’s hampered by the nature of adaptation as the Mizore-Nozomi arc could probably be removed. But the Asuka arc shows KyoAni has still got it. One of the best shows of the year. - ★★★★★

KEIJO!!!!!!!! - You know what’s interesting about this show? In story structure, it’s the most generic shonen ever. But the base premise is so absurd and so confident in itself that it carries pretty well. The absurdity even spreads to the title: all caps and eight exclamation points. This show knows what it’s about. - ★★★☆☆

Gi(a)rlish Number (2/12) - Oregairu is well written show. Gi(a)rlish Number is also a well written show. Thanks Wataru Watari. But because of how cynical they are, they’re really hard for me to watch. So I’ve only watched two episodes. Thanks Wataru Watari. I’m sure I’ll have lots of opinions about this so I’ll talk about it at a later time. - ★★★★☆?

Haikyuu!!: Karasuno Koukou VS Shiratorizawa Gakuen Koukou - Carrying from the momentum of the previous season, Haikyuu!! remains good. I think this is the weakest season so far in terms of emotional pay-off (probably because it’s, ya know, 10 episodes), but it’s still my favorite sports anime. Hopefully the next season isn’t too far away. - ★★★★☆

Moana - Compared to Zootopia, this Disney film is more hand-wavy with its plot. It’s not like the world is harder to build, one of them has demi-gods and another has talking animals, the world just isn’t as important for this type of story. On the flip side, it has arguably the best sound design of an animated feature in 2016. I enjoyed it, but all I ever think about with Disney princess films is how cool the Kingdom Hearts world is going to be. -★★★★☆

I’M DONE.

Holy cow I didn’t realize how much stuff I watched last year. And I didn’t even finish a lot of shows I wanted to.

Man. I hope one day I get paid to write about this stuff.

Thanks as always for reading. Let me know if I missed something!

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udayin · 5 years ago

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The wolf of wall Street

The movie begins in medias res, with Belfort and his devoted minions blowing off steam in an office dwarf-tossing competition, before flashing back to give us a brief glimpse of the young and relatively innocent Jordan, who arrives on Wall Street in the fall of 1987 as a “connector” — basically a glorified phone dialer — for the old-money trading firm of L.F. Rothschild. It’s there that the eager rookie gets his first sense of the wild life to come when a mad-hatter senior broker (Matthew McConaughey) takes him out for a three-martini lunch that also includes enough white powder for a killer day at Big Bear. And even though he’s no longer quite boyish enough to play someone in his early 20s, DiCaprio is convincingly green here, like a wide-eyed Candide lunching with McConaughey’s debauched Dr. Pangloss.

But no sooner has Jordan settled in than Black Monday arrives and the bottom falls out, of the market and L.F. Rothschild, sending him back to the help-wanted ads at a time when nobody seems to be looking for stockbrokers. Nobody, that is, save for a storefront brokerage in a Long Island strip mall, where the slovenly staff unloads worthless penny stocks on cold-called clients for 50% commissions, and where Belfort sticks out like a Savile Row suit on a Kmart clearance rack. But the genial proprietor (an uncredited Spike Jonze) agrees to give him a shot, not quite realizing he’s just let a wolf in the door.

It isn’t long before Belfort branches out on his own, starting the tony-sounding Stratton Oakmont in a declasse former gas station, resolving to go from “selling garbage to garbagemen” to targeting the deep-pocketed one percent. He assembles a merry band of brokers comprised of petty thugs, drug dealers and high-school dropouts who, when trained in Belfort’s precision-scripted tactics, prove to be remarkably effective salesmen. Riding herd on them all is Donnie Azoff (Jonah Hill), a buffoonish caricature of a Jew in WASP Land, decked out in garish bleached teeth, clear-lens horn-rims and a sweater tied ever so carefully around his neck. (Belfort’s own Jewishness and WASP aspirations, a running theme in the book, have been omitted from the film.) After offering his services to Belfort out of the blue in a local diner, Donnie becomes the Wolf’s most trusted associate, and it’s Hill who gives the movie’s most flamboyant (if slightly one-note) comic performance, unzipping his schlong, swallowing a live goldfish, and otherwise boldly exploring the gray area between mankind and our nearest relatives on the evolutionary scale.

Clocking in at 179 minutes, “Wolf” sets a record as Scorsese’s longest fiction film (one minute longer than “Casino”), but that doesn’t make it his most ambitious or deeply felt. It lacks the dynamic emotional range of a “Mean Streets” or “Goodfellas,” or the intricate plotting of a “Casino,” and for all its amusing guest stars (Rob Reiner as Belfort’s combustible dad, Jean Dujardin as a pompous Swiss banker) and caper-like episodes, almost everything unfolds in the same manic register. Even when the movie is really cooking (which is often), there’s a feeling that scenes are being held for a few beats too many, that Scorsese and his ace editor Thelma Schoonmaker simply didn’t have enough time to do the elegant fine-tuning they’re accustomed to (an impression reinforced by several conspicuous continuity gaffes and badly matched cuts throughout the film).

Still, considering how familiar this milieu of fast-talking, hard-selling hucksters is from the likes of “Wall Street,” “American Psycho,” “Boiler Room” (which was also inspired by the Belfort case) and “Glengarry Glen Ross,” it’s surprising how lively Scorsese manages to keep things throughout. In terms of style, the movie is almost self-consciously Scorsesean — even more than “The Departed” — with d.p. Rodrigo Prieto’s camera tracking elaborately, freeze-framing, dollying in fast and whip-panning even faster, while a quadruple album’s worth of classic rock and blues fill up the soundtrack (veteran Scorsese collaborator Robbie Robertson more than earns his “executive music producer” credit) alongside DiCaprio’s running first-person narration. This is very much iconic, old-school Scorsese in full bloom, but what’s missing is the marvelous empathy the filmmaker managed to conjure for even those films’ most reprehensible characters — the sense that this former seminarian could see the good and ill in the souls of troubled men, even finding some kind of tormented nobility in the psychopath Travis Bickle.

In “Wolf,” that empathy has been replaced by an overarching cynicism — cynicism for the swindlers who do the swindling and the schmucks who get snookered, cynicism for the empty allure of the good life, and cynicism for a system that allows for so many clean getaways. (Belfort’s nominal downfall notwithstanding, those wishing to see the character get his real comeuppance will still be waiting after the end credits have rolled and the lights have come back up.) Make no mistake: “Wolf” is as much a gangster movie as any Scorsese has made, with Belfort as a Bill the Butcher who slices and dices people’s bank accounts, a Nicky Santoro who puts your savings in a vise. But on some basic level, he’s a cipher whose drug-fueled binges regularly put others (including, in one harrowing scene, his own young daughter) in harm’s way, and who thinks nothing of recruiting his wife’s British aunt (an excellent Joanna Lumley) as a front — or, in the movie’s distinctive patois, “rathole” — for his offshore accounts. As dramatis personae go, Belfort lacks a tragic dimension: This latter-day Gatsby stares out from his own extravagant Long Island enclave and sees only a blinking green dollar sign.

But a talented performer can do much to camouflage such shortcomings, and that’s precisely what DiCaprio does here. A reliably good actor who too often shows you all the hard, technical work he’s put into creating a character, the DiCaprio of “Wolf” seems loose and uninhibited and freed of premeditated mannerisms. In his fifth collaboration with Scorsese, he’s a constant joy to watch, whether crawling across the floor like a baby while his bombshell second wife (appealing Australian newcomer Margot Robbie, who deserves more screen time) engages in a particularly cruel form of cock-blocking, or rallying his disciples with an impassioned variation on Gekko’s “Greed Is Good” speech. DiCaprio doesn’t just play this part; he inhales it, along with everything else that goes up Belfort’s nose and into his bloodstream.

For anything resembling gravitas, though, one must instead look to the dogged FBI agent Patrick Denham (Kyle Chandler), who sets Belfort in his sights early on and gradually closes in. In one of the movie’s best scenes, a cocksure Jordan goes so far as to invite the G-man on to his yacht and comes within a hairsbreadth of bribing him. And Chandler, who projects the effortless, middle-class virtue of a 1950s leading man (a Robert Stack type), plays the scene with a wonderfully sly poker face, leading Belfort the egomaniac to believe he’s actually buying what he’s selling. But the sting of “Wolf” comes in Denham’s realization that, while he may have gotten his man, it’s Belfort who may well have the last laugh.

Moments like those keep “Wolf” buoyant and lithe in spite of its redundancies and excesses. But if there’s one scene here that is sure to end up in future Scorsese career-achievement montages, it’s the epic drugged-out setpiece in which Jordan and Donnie experience a delayed reaction to decades-old Quaaludes, obliterating their motor skills and culminating in an explosively funny battle for control of a kitchen telephone. This live-action variation on the old Looney Tunes cartoon in which Bugs Bunny and the mad scientist get high on ether fumes reveals heretofore unknown reserves of physical comedy in DiCaprio. But more than being just a great gag, it’s a representative image: Call it infantile capitalism.

Despite its high price tag, the pic’s physical production is more modestly scaled than the likes of “The Aviator,” “Gangs of New York” and “Hugo,” save for one elaborate, CG-intensive sequence in which Belfort’s yacht nearly capsizes in a violent Mediterranean storm. Otherwise, most of the movie is confined to trading floors, boardrooms and suburban McMansions, rendered by Prieto and production designer Bob Shaw (“Boardwalk Empire,” “The Sopranos”) with the bright, Windexed sheen of strip-mall, office-park America. The redoubtable costume designer Sandy Powell has everyone looking suitably snazzy, in keeping with Stratton Oakmont’s policy of inhouse custom tailoring for its employees.

0 notes

tube-thoughts-blog · 7 years ago

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Vol. 14

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

--- MTV's 120 Minutes w/ Alan Hunter:

*Alan has to be pulled out of his dressing room listening to George Jones (Sure, George is way too manly for Alan)

*The pinnacle of man towered over by skyscrapers in a very 20th century modern art ad for athletic 80s yuppies who drink milk. Yuppies listen to Phil Collins on evening MTV, not late night 120 minutes alternative bands.

*Wrigley's gum w/ nutrasweet for sweater wearing 80s families to chew on long bike rides.

*Awesomely 80s retro ad for a Casio keyboard drum that has a dorky guy walking around the type of alley Michael Jackson would dance in until he meets a sexy looking keyboard player who would fit right in with Prince's band at the time.

*TSOL "Colors": Another edgy new wave The Cult-esque sounding music video featuring cowboys. What was up with these bands & cowboys? Depeche Mode did it too. Decent.

*Walk in the West "Lonely Boy": Another edgy cowboy themed video? This time with the alt version of Cougar Mellon? This is more bluesy & has some of those awesome 80s video editing techniques with the band superimposed over shots of driving through rural America. Decent.

*The Descendents "Kids On Coffee": Very 80s punk/hardcore aesthetics featuring mugs of coffee & pictures of Molly Ringwald for some reason. Decent.

*Some new alternative records for the week are gone over by Alan. A few hip hop show up. Not sure if these were quirky hip hop acts or if hip hop was still considered a niche.

*Nickelodeon tips from Dennis. Nick still aired the Menace at this point. Now the black & white, non-trying-to-be-a-Teeny-Bopper-Pop-Star-themed show would give tween brats a seizure.

*Hey, "hoppin' & bobbin'" 80s family, sign up for HBO & cable. You'll get a free phone alarm clock too. Huh? Phone alarm clock? Whose dumb idea was that invention? People will never sleep beside their phones & use them for alarms *wink*

*Vomitous preview for a Joan London talk show about being a great mom & Mother's day on the Lifetime Network. Now, Joan stars in a commercial about putting her dear old mom in a nursing home to get rid of her. Ha!

*A generic new wave pop band "The Hooters" in an MTV bumper & performing & bowing, in front of a concert crowd, as a god awful song by them with the lyrics "Day by day" plays.

*Another cartoon graphics bumper for MTV featuring a jackpot machine scroll. More imagination went in to all these old bumpers than has gone into actual MTV programmingin the last almost two decades since the early 2000s.

*Joe Piscopo in a Miller Lite beer ad playing an over the top 80s wrestler, named Python Piscopo, taking over a seedy dive bar

*"Captain EO" a strangely forgotten Disney theme park music video / movie attraction produced by George Lucas & starring Michel Jackson. Looks good if you like MJ's 80s videos & Star Wars.

*James "So Many Ways": An Aussie sounding new wave singer is dancing, around a field of amber grains, like a spastic. Something new wave singers were known for doing. Dancing like a spastic. Nice, soaring, Bono-esque vocals. More than decent via video cliches.

*The Housemartins "Happy Hour": Quirky U.K. band in a pub partying themed video w/ California Raisins style animation. Terrific.

*Get a KODAK Supralife battery & be able to play air guitar longer beside your giant 80s ghetto blaster boombox. Awesome.

*"Did You know?" ad w/ 1-800 number for ordering a Yugo compact car. Pretty cheap too for a new car under 4,000. Not sure how much a new car cost in the 80s, but it would be hard to get a used car w/out 100,000 plus miles on the motor for anywhere near that amount today.

*Pringles Sour Cream & Onion dip chips has the Royal Family going goofy for the flavor.

*The low fi "do it yourself" aesthetics of videos by bands like Gene Loves Jezebel are something corporate produced videos can't re-capture.

*Gene Loves Jezebel "Heartache": Okay, I might have spoke too soon. The band had signed with Geffen records by the point of this video & the earlier clip doesn't apply. This video is slick w/ better camerawork, but the band's music still manages to shine thru. ---- Decent.

*The Bolshoi "A Way": This Brit band takes over some nice mum's quaint home to film aspooky little number for I.R.S. records 80s R.E.M.'s label

*"The Long Ryders" a hopeful "band" (not sure if real), in a Miller Beer ad, perform theircorny bar band rock & roll in a bar in Hollywood near Tower Records.

*Another stereotypical 80s dorky teen (the kind in every 80s teen movie) plays a CASIO keyboard in his totally 80s bedroom for his bored out of its mind hound-dog w/ big ears

*A 50s via the 80s "Leave it to Beaver" type nerd talks in the mirror about Cracker Jacks & then shares them with his sweetheart.

*Wrap up Hollywood hit movies like "The Karate Kid" & "The Al Jolson Story" (complete w/ him in facepalmingly funny black face) for only $29.95

*Soft & Dri ladies deodorant helps a cute black chick get ready for her tv news debut

*MTV's "Make My Video" contest for a chance to make a video for Madonna. Wow! 80s Madonna was iconic, I'll have to admit. Right up there with all the other 80s icons. Pretty to boot. Also included, in winning, is a surplus of Twix candy bars & a Levis wardrobe. I'd like to see some of the terrible entries from the contest.

*Bang "Summertime" an MTV Basement tapes winner: This NYC street video featuring a garage band that looks like KISS minus makeup feels like it would belong more on regular MTV or Headbangers Ball. --- Fair.

*Cactus World News "The Bridge": A big, soaring U2 sounding band plays for a concert festival. --- Decent.

*Alan insults Cactus World News & blames it on a music article. I admire the bite that MTV wouldn't show today in insulting an artist on their network. They'd be considered a product that would be above criticism today, if they still had vj's or music videos. Still, Alan is the wrong person to be hosting this show, as MTV would soon figure out.

*The Go-Betweens "Head Full Of Steam": Video w/ a band that has a prissy looking leadsinger & Cure video style aesthetics. Nice crooning. -- Decent.

*80s mallrat teens tired of waiting forever for zits to go away get Clearasil & then beat it on their mopad or skateboard to the local foodcourt to gawk at each other while screwing up their skin even more with chocolate milkshakes & greasy pizza slices. The winner: corporate America. The loser: hormonal teens & their scraping to get by parents.

*Toni volumizer makes any 80s chick look like a high fashion sex kitten.

*"Heartbeat of America is today's Chevrolet"... This was a time when picturesque Americana actually might have meant something before global trade sent automotive jobs overseas.These quirky Americans & American made autos have vanished. Replaced by crumbling urban landscapes (Detroit), jobless & depressed people, along with foreign made products & autos.

*Sammy Hagar era Halen takes over MTV for a week. Would have been more fun w/ Diamond Dave. Can't imagine any band taking over MTV anymore much less one like Van Halen.

*The Wind "Good News, Bad News": A funny semi-acoustic duo music act performs for their neighbors in block party black & white video. Close to decent.

*A Brit rock (nobody that I recognize) ex-junkie for a "No Drugs & Alcohol" sober music making experience 1 - 800 recovery number. Being sober is probably why his music career is so forgettable.

*James Brown for MTV. James Brown popular in the 60s & here still recognized on MTV in the late 80s. Current MTV doesn't recognize music much less music legends.

*Cryin' Out Loud "Live It Up": "I ain't no Marxist" a lyrical band w/ "a message." Fair.

*Awesome post-apocalyptic arena combat ad for a "Lazer Tag" toy. "Stadium not included ."Ha. Someone must have complained that their backyard wasn't as fantasy like as this ad.

*"VCR Theater," every night at 2am on The Movie Channel, helps rock lovin' chicks, who sleep with their electric guitar, record a flick. Why the rock & roll theme was included, in the ad, must have been because the ad was MTV specific. Otherwise, it makes no sense.

*Penn & Teller have "blood & fire" as they guest host MTV. "Born to be wild" badasses.

*A rock & roll hotel in "Playin' For Keeps" rated PG13. 80s PG, which GoodBadFlicks.com would tell you might equal a little R rated sex & nudity & language w/ the comedy. I had forgotten this 80s movie. Might be a forgotten gem, might be well a forgotten dud.

*Christy Brinkley for taking a shower & using Prell shampoo. I, like Chevy Chase, am all for getting a little wet w/ the very sexy 80s model Christy Brinkley.

*More bad jokes & bad silver jackets from Alan.

*Timbuk 3 "Future's So Bright, Gotta Wear Shades": A minor classic. terrific.

*Christmas "Big Plans": Clever points for the band name. Clever & quirky video featuring mailroom drudgery. The band escapes into a fantasy world filled with cliche 80s cheesy & weird video editing techniques. Close to terrific.

*Alan's head is now a talking head in an 80s tv set. Silver 80s tv sets w/ either a rabbit's ears antenna or a dial cable box are more art & make me feel more happy than a 60 inch flat screen wall hanging home movie theater experience to watch crappy 20 tens era reality shows on. Those old tvs played awesome UHF local tv stations & awesome at the time cable channels.

*Every day Joes drink Miller beer after they get off work from their blue collar jobs. It's the "American Way" of getting liver disease & addiction & emotional / relationship problems when you're "Born & raised in the U.S.& A."

*"Top Gun, the number one soundtrack" w/ music from Kenny Loggins, Berlyn, & Loverboy. Coming to a yuppie moron's car stereo near you! (unfortunately)

*"Dippity Do" hair styling gel for futuristic 80s weirdos.

*MTV was hip in the 80s, I might not say this enough, & for clarity on how "cool" it actually was... it had guys sticking their fists up chicken butts & wiggling said fist, while their bald heads were covered in whip or shaving cream. Why? Why not?

*The Rainmakers "Let My People Go-Go": Funky, bluesy, quirky, top hat wearing band rocks the house (literallY) while their horn section blows it up out in some rural decay while walking around w/ the bulldog from Little Rascals. Decent.

*Billy Chinmock "Somewhere in the Night": tape cut out, so who knows, didn't look like it was gonna be great for an alt video what w/ its aesthetics of a high style 80s babe walking down a foggy back alley. zero.

I think at this point in 1980's 120 minute alt rock history, they had mistaken alot of the popular bluesy rock of the time for alt rock & mixed it in w/ the Brit new wave. It didn't mesh together well. I guess none of the music on 120 minutes history ever truly did through the changing time periods & trends. At least it existed for a while & was something a bit different.

*Limited Warranty "Hit You": 120 Minutes has definitely gone off, at this point, but the tape has another video for me. It's a new wave pretty boy group. In the style of A-Ha "Take on Me." It's nothing terrible for what it is. Pretty catchy like most of that kind of music was. Decent, I guess.

close to 2 for Alan, close to 3 for MTV, 2 1/2 for videos, 2 1/2 for ads

--------------------------------------

Geraldo Rivera: Exposing Satan's Underground *"This is a horror that will give children bad dreams." We're not talking about Satan,no, it's Geraldo's mustache. Jokes & utter stupidity aside... Seriously, after all his 80s & 90s tabloid garbage "news" hysteria, it's unbelievable that Geraldo still has a career in journalism.* zero stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Ouija Boards & Near Death Experiences *The mind can be deceived through cheap games & brain power-outs.* close to 3 stars

--- DinosaurDracula.com presents Creepy Commercials Countdown:

*Sunkist Spooky Fruit (1989): Eat enough gummy fruit flavored snacks & wake up, from a candy coma, in a cemetery filled w/ animated trees, lounge about skeletons, & purple people eaters from the stars.* 2 stars

*Easter Seals Halloween Coupons w/ Vincent Price (1990): "Halloween doesn't have to be spooky." It's blasphemy for a lame organization to get one of the most symbolically spooky actors of all time to say this. "It should be warm & friendly." Even if it's meant to be ironic & Vincent Price sure reads it that way, it sucks. I want Halloween to be like Halloween 3, and end horribly. Well, at least in my imagination. Candy & fright. Not "safe" coupons.* 1 star

*Coors Light Beer w/ Elvira (1991): If I were an Addams family style disembodied hand & I met Elvira, I would do more than try to hand her a beer. I would crawl down the front of her very open black dress & never come out. Also, I wouldn't mind being at a Halloween party stuck behind Elvira in one of those two person horse costumes.* 3 stars

*Spooky Goop Halloween Make-Up (1988): Be the coolest & weirdest kid on the block going from cheap ghoul face paint to full on Fulci's Zombi grotesque skin.* 3 stars

*The People's Court Frankenstein Promo (1988): Village idiots will kill over daytime trash tv. Dr. Frankenstein & his monster (son?) would have been great guests on Jerry Springer.* close to 3 stars

----------------------------

Public Access: "My Name Is John Daker" *A mumbling piano lady, of some Methodist church according to her, & a mumbling male singer who couldn't be more stiff. They attempt a song about "The Lord" only for it to devolve into jaunty number about the moon hitting one's eye like a big-ah pizza pie.* either 1 star or 3 stars terrible becoming terrific

--- Red Letter Media presents Best of the Worst: Shakma, Python II, and Beaks the Movie

*Shakma: A crazy baboon on the loose while its victims live action role play in a college animal testing lab.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 (for primate slasher premise cuteness)

*Python II: One of those crappy CGI snake genre flicks. A genre that would be further made worse by SYFY & Asylum later on in the 2000s. The python looks startling, in its scenes, but I do not know if that's just all the taco soup, that I ate earlier, talking or what.* 1 1/2 stars

*Beaks the Movie: The VHS box cover says "unintentionally funny." See, hipsters, our VHS ancestors were self aware too. So, this is pretty much an Italian exploitation version of Hitchcock's "The Birds" complete w/ that Eye-Talian auteur creative cliche of animal cruelty. Such a dumb premise taken to its heights of ridiculousness, but M. Night would try it with "The Happening" & there's the "wants to be so bad so bad it's good" but isn't "Birdemic 1 & 2." Not really all that fun, except to Red Letter's Rich.* 1 star

According to Red Letter Media, Beaks is best (by default) Shakma is divisive & Python 2 was supposed to get destroyed by beach birds but they don't like birdseed covered VHS tapes

-------------------------------

Classic Comedy Central: Buddy Scott trio in the elevator *An office worker ant is trapped in his coffin falling a hundred plus floors to hell. He cheers up when a lounge act sing to him the message that he's "heading to the top." Penn Jillette (then voice of Comedy Central) says to "Think positive."* 2 1/2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*You Gotta Be Kidding Me: The customer is always a pain in the rear of the golf shorts.* 1 star

*They're Coming For Your Kids!: "For the cost of two Cokes," & one soul, they'll become manipulative salespeople of religious literature on their school campuses.* 1 or 3 stars

*The Net: "From astrology to gardening & punk rock."* close to 3 stars

*Telephone Song!: Be correct when you dial collect. Tween girls discover the power of the telephone. They all do.* 2 1/2 stars

*Rock Music & the Occult: "God isn't interested in impressing teenagers." Hence the reason that Satan's rock music is so successful.* 3 stars

----------------------------

"B Videos 101 Vol. 1" *"Perfect, no one suspects" that Andy Griffith is a bar brawling deviant, that Redd Foxx is from a galaxy far far away, or that Papa Smurf likes to have his salad tossed.* 2 1/2 stars & zero stars for the doo doo Jackson Pollock porno finale

--- Phone Losers:

*Security Cam Pranks - The Kitchen Couple: An outrageous & short lived invasion of boring breakfast table privacy.* either zero or close to 2 1/2 stars

*Home Security Prank Call - Peace of Mind: Every hour on the hour reassurance is bothersome & as comforting as forced prayer.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Rich Neighborhood Prank Calls: We've been going through your trash, & we don't like what we find.* 2 1/2 stars

*Tenants from Hell - Archaeological Dig Site: Before you hear it on the news, we want to let you know about the giant skeletons & the buried alien technology that we found.* close to 3 stars

-----------------------

Beavis & Butthead: It's So Cold in the D *"This is hard to dance to." Detroit has fallen on such hard times, the very danceable to hip hop sounds more like a funeral song.*

2 1/2 stars w/ riffing

1 star w/out

5 Dollar Wrestling: Death Match Dance Party *"Blood in the roller-rink."* 2 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*How To Have Cybersex on the Internet: "those who have mastered the art of one handed typing."* close to 3 stars

*It Only Takes A Second: "to be safe" or die in a hilariously horrible accident.*

3 stars

*Mr. Nasty - Insult VHS Tape: Mr. Nasty is such a bad insult comedian, he makes Andrew Dice Clay look like Jeffry Ross who looks like Nazi propaganda of a Jew on marijuana.* 1 star

*What Does God Say About Worldliness: "It's better to go to a funeral than to go to a party." Maybe so, but it's not as much fun. So this failed comedian, turned touring for money evangelist, says one can have a fine stable of horses, cars, or women... but HaHa, it's a one way ticket to H-E-L-L. The evangelical sort of brags about having a stable of finely bred horses, by the way. His audience looked like they were at a funeral. No smiles, no laughs, no horses, just misery. I thought they called it the gospel (good news).* 1 star

*Something's Happening: Watching the mucus sizzle. The "stuff that's killing the world" (mucus) of a old man / mucus conspiracy theorist. (What did I just watch?!)* Uh? stars?

------------------------------

--- Monstervision w/ Joe Bob Briggs: Coma

*Joe Bob has on his gloriously un-politically correct rebel flag western shirt (Joe Bob is just too un-PC for current tv) & he does a funny editorial on the world's obsession with wrapping the everyday garbage products we produce & consume up with so much other wrapping that there's no real garbage anymore just the plastic we used to hold all the crap we consumed.

*TNT had such a hard on for E.R. coming to TNT, Joe Bob says that's the reason the first flick is E.R. creator Michael Crichton's "Coma"

*Drive In totals: 77 dead bodies... 8 breasts 2 living 6 dead (censored)... Brain slicing kidney weighing.. vegetable handling.. organ donating.. plastic covered peni (Devious look on Joe Bob's face as he says this).. death by electrocution... gratuitous New England antiquing... fire extinguisher fu.. cadaver fu..

*Huggies ad w/ a baby parachuting out of a plane thru fluffy clouds. Don't diapers sell themselves? Babies are cute, sure, but is this to convince new parents of that fact & to make the awful reality of changing shitty diapers not have them wanting to put their brat up for adoption?

*Dennis Miller for dollar collect calls & being a smug asshole. Only good thing that he ever did was Weekend Update on SNL, & Norm was better at it. Fallon & Tina not my choice...Colin Quinn pretty okay...

*Fisher Price Rescue Mission toddler action figures ad... Huh? This isn't Saturday morning cartoon commercial breaks? This is after 11pm TNT. Why the ads for kids & their parents?

*A dog dreams about bacon in the classic "Beggin Strips" commercial. I think this would not be politically correct now either. Dogs can't eat bacon because their owners have to feed them liberal nazi approved gluten free & non-processed healthy meat dog food. Surely no bacon, a little chicken (no hormones) & they'd just love to take meat away from dogs & make them vegans. They don't go that far yet, but PETA probably does with their pets.

*Leann Rimes (sp?) croons the classic country song "Blue" while images of picturesque Maine play in a Red Lobster commercial. Nice combo.

*An ad about the type of toothbrush (Oral B) a dentist uses, & so should you. Dentists also have free access to all the high tech dental cleaning & surgery tools in their office, so why does it matter that they use a certain toothbrush at home? It doesn't.

*WCW's "The Giant" has nostrils so big that he could inhale most normal size people. Check him out on TNT's WCW Monday Nitro.

*Ikea turns a subway train into a kitschy living space for the daily grind passengers. Ikea furniture also is the decor of one of the sub levels of Hell.

*Joe Bob reads from the "trashy" novel version of Coma while he sips from his Budweiser covered in a TNT logo coozy.

*Another of the countless "never need another" "get back to your outdoor life" allergy rx ads. I wonder if evolved alien civilizations, out there in the stars, still deal w/ allergy problems on their planets filled w/ lush plant life...

*Firestone helps a young college age guy & his dog get back out on the road of life in his beat up convertible. "Saved money too." Sure, mechanics aren't rip off artists.

*Visit the TNT website for NBA news, a Babylon 5 chatroom (you were a legit nerd if you were on a chat site like this in the 90s, not a hipster nerd), even a Monstervision page

*$1.99 Disney toys in Happy Meals has a future out of the closet broadway kid putting on a living room show, along w/ his sister, for his parents who are too cheap to buy real toys or cook an actual healthy dinner for their kids. Harsh, but whatever.

*Kevin Nealon, another Weekend Update SNL alumni, sells out to a collect call ad.

*Antz, one of the early CGI Pixar style movies. Has some of the charm, if I'm remembering correctly, of those CGI cartoon movies for kids, not as obnoxious as most, but the animation hasn't aged well (imo).

*Monks avoid breaking their vow of silence by chewing "Beano" before eating gassy salads at dinner. First semi clever & funny & not despisable ad of the night.

*Digitally restored, & w/ dvd style extras, episodes of Star Trek coming to 1990s Sci Fi channel hosted by Shatner.

*Joe Bob has an I.V. drip ran into his beer to keep with the medical theme.

*Joe Bob makes a joke about Dustin Hoffman being a midget who has to wear platform pimp shoes. ha

*Two patronizing ads to talk about. One w/ a less manly man who needs to get a mid sized Sonoma pick up truck like a "real man." Another about a old maid going to Tru Value to pick up (not truck) a can of paint to match her cat's furball.

*Eggo's new microwave pancakes (I'm sure they're edible?) make a dad believe he's a short order breakfast cook at a greasy spoon diner. One where truckers show up in a family's kitchen in the morning. If truckers are showing up in your kitchen, uninvited, it's not for griddle cakes. It's cause you're gettin' raped.

*Wanna check out what whitebread 90s peoples looked like, view this "So easy to use, no wonder it's #1" America Online 1 800 number commercial

*"Come see the softer side of SEARS" Short story, every time I used to go to the mall ,I somehow ended up entering thru the SEARS appliance section. So, first I was greeted by refrigerators, washers, dryers, color tvs (Dire Straits, wink). The softer side, the SEARS clothing section, was way off in another part of the mall. Some tucked away corner. By the time that I was there, mall anxiety was really getting to me. I wanted to Tom Savini "Dawn of the Dead" special fx kill a few mall motherfuckers. Not really. I'm more timid & just wanted to run back out the way I came thru all the appliances.

*Joe Bob talks about Rip Torn being a good ole Texas boy & having starred in an episode of I Love Lucy. Joe Bob doesn't really like Lucy (me either) but feels like he's seen every episode (me too for some reason).

*Joe Bob blames Nick at Nite for classic tv osmosis, & says we're better off watching "hick at nite." I definitely digged TNT's Monstervision & 100 % Weird, but there were a few late nite Nick at Nite shows worth watching like F-Troop & Dobie Gillis among others

*"Get back to the groovy 60s" w/ flower power & free love? No. McDonald's Big-Macs & fries instead. The secret sauce is almost as good as sex & for 49 cents, the same price a burger was in 1969, I'm in. Don't take the brown acid or Grimace will really freak you out, mannnn!

*Kinkos guido competitors think it's better to have comedy than color printing. Not a bad ad going off one viewing & not having it ran into the ground like tv ads' fate goes.

*"Smile you got French's Smile you got fun." French's mustard. Smile you got heartburn. Smile you got a nasty yellow stain on your white t-shirt. Points for the dog, in the ad, w/ a whole hotdog held sideways in his mouth w/out swallowing. That had to have lasted all of 2 seconds. Dogs swallow everything whole in seconds.

*Cute commercial w/ live bears dressed up like a mama bear & her school aged children little bears. She dresses them up in backpacks & sends them off into the woods to go to school. She packs a lunch of rice krispie treats in wrappers. Bears & people food don't mix. The bears probably destroyed the set to eat all the sticky candy & mauled a few school children once they got to school.

*Motorola phones & pagers give NYC hipster yuppies "wings." It's a fashion model / actress who attended suit & gown parties while also keeping it real w/ her across town jeans & t-shirt boyfriend. Not sure how many regular folks had a cell phone at this point. Pagers were pretty popular yet ghetto.

*Campbells tries to give moms the delusion that their teenage sons will leave the bedroom & the Playstation long enough to have a family meal in the kitchen.

*Hip Hop tapdance meets RiverDance meets the Salsa dance in a TOPS appliance ad. Why they needed to spice up an appliance store grand opening is just a sign of the popularity of River Dance crap at this point in the 90s.

*TimeWarner cable, it's like a bagel penetrated by the Empire State building. No, really, that's the image they put on the screen. Not sexual subliminal at all, wink wink. Either that or they're saying, "Fuck you, New York, pay your overpriced TimeWarner cable bill, 'cause we got our figurative giant dick up your ass!"

*Joe Bob claims to have been kicked out of a convent of nuns. Fox in the hen-house.

*I think it's important to view these old (not too old) ads, because the sinister hand appears, & is more visible given the historical context. It shows that sinister hand has always been around trying to make the world outside the hamster wheel seem prettier than it really is.

*Wear Target clothes & look like a model photographed in stunning black & white photography Yep.

*Tony Danza is the boss of fifty percent off collect calls. These collect calls ads were the pathetic celebrity precursor to things like Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice & Dancing w/ the Stars.

*Preview for James Garner in a TNT original movie along with Kathleen Turner. Ted Turner had a real hard on for old actors like Garner.

*A Geico car insurance fairy ad. Geico were already torturing people at this point? Hmmm.

*Another Geico ad w/ a business guy bumming a ride on the back of a chicken truck w/ feathers flying in his mouth & all over the place. Quirky, but still Geico, & they've worn out their welcome long ago.

*Joe Bob & Reno the Mail Girl discuss Bill Clinton lowering the standards of America's women w/ his flawed Southern charm & looks.

*"Words instead of letters" to the tune of "Sweet nuthins" on Motorola Wings pagers. The era of text messages has begun. Interesting ad for historical purposes.

*A pretty lady leans out of the darkness, turns on a light, & says "Do you see the tar stains on my teeth or smell the tobacco on my breath?" Well, no I don't have smell-o-vision & whatever happened to Targon mouthwash? Smokers just don't give a shit anymore. The rising price of smoking (health, money, & legally) has worn smokers down.

*Clairol hair color. Coloring one's hair can make that person feel like a "natural wo-man."

*Joe Bob thinks that the TNT censors are out to blur comatose boobs because they mistakenly think the sight of them will make people wanna screw nekkid corpses.

*Joe Bob ridicules the plot holes & foolishness involving bumbling security guards & a heroine who is clued in but clueless.

*Coma: A sleuthing surgeon almost sinks trying to stop a corrupt hospital conspiracy of organ harvesting for profit & having a social climbing coworker boyfriend (Michael Douglas) who doesn't, til almost her end, believe her conspiracy.*

running from 2 to 2 1/2 stars for Coma, 3 for Joe Bob, & 1 1/2 for the ads

--------------------------------

The Young Turks: Fox News's War On... Sharks *Clear the waters, sharks, people are number 1.* 2 stars (edit years later: I used to occasionally get news from the turds at Turks. how dumb.)

Public Access: "Live TV Prank Calls To Pro-911 Communist Public Access Host" (youtube) *Bluff & guff.* either 1/2 or 1 star

James Randi & Psychic Crime Solving *Police don't officially use psychics but often rely on their illogical detective work.* either 1/2 (what'd you expect? other than sensational lies by the psychic. which this time didn't happen. therefore dull reading.) or 3 stars

==== The Comfort Zone w/ Ray Comfort:

"Ray Comfort's New Homosexuality Movie" ("Audacity" ha...)

*"People were begging" this Aussie sounding evangelical, Kirk Cameron's buddy, the guy who debated, along with Kirk, atheists.

They were begging him to make a movie about gay ole homosexuality in the non-happy sin sense.

He's also infamous for a video where he talks about evolution & creation using a banana as an example.*

runs from 1 to close to 2 stars

(He's rather polite & there's not a lot of hate towards gays as usual w/ these things.)

(edit, years later:

when you're a shitlib supporter of gay rights, you put them up on a pedestal.

not realizing how truly degenerate they are.

this is way before I saw pics of what really goes on at pride parades.

where oral & anal sex takes place on the street along w/ half naked men in leather & clown outfits performing spankings & bondage acts.

many times, other non-gay themselves equal rights, for queers, supporters (like i was) would bring their families (including children) there to support these pride marches. that's a folly that should open more eyes. not sure it does when one is that blinded w/ the mindset of "don't judge" & "love is love"... ugh... smh in disgust & shame

here I was poking fun at a dumb evangelical (man of faith in a faithless world. an easy target.) & his banana folly

while thinking anyone else was intolerant or ignorant for holding onto tradition in the face of such odd & socially dysfunctional behavior.

forgive me.)

================================================================================

Conan on TBS: James Bobo Fay Got His Hands On Sasquatch Semen *Bobo is willing to "take one for the team" of bigfoot hunters. In the name of pseudo-science & love.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: Who Is Cooler? *Kenny overdosing on black tar heroin or Spenny, Kenny's caring nurse, dressed up like a "Greek rapist" (Johnny Depp)? The obvious loser gets locked in a cold meat locker.* close to 3 stars

"Fan Made Dominos Pizza Commercial featuring a fake The Undertaker" *Okay, so it's the Summer of 1992? It's a few months before the World Wrestling Federation pay per view wrestling show "Summerslam." Beware though The Undertaker has been missing for months. That's not the strange part, no, the strange part is that The Naked Gun's Leslie Nielsen had been out searching for him in vignettes. Dominos pizza was the sponsor. Here, some real nerds borrow a vhs camcorder, their Dominos delivery gremlin of a car, & a nighttime cemetery to film one of their friends dressed up like their hero, The Under-taker, lurking behind a tree while, in said graveyard, ordering pizza through the power of the darkside? Not exactly sure, but he got them to deliver w/out paying for the pizza & only leaving an autographed picture of himself as a tip.* 3 stars for absurd effort

Look Around You: Food *Vegetable orchestra for the Feast of Saint Frankenstein. Featuring a piping hot casserole made out of recycled & dehydrated food that pushes the fat right out of the skin. Or you could stay home & celebrate your birthday with a delivery medicinal-pizza.* close to 3

"New Orleans Airwaves - The Mystery Morgus Episode" *Serialized & shot on grainy film, circa 1960s, mad science lab hijinks w/ all the gloriously ghoulish trappings.* more than 2 1/2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*Christian Star Wars: It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for an Imperial lazer beam to penetrate the soul of a believer.* 3 stars

*Anybody Can Make Chili Dogs: Knock on a stranger's door & share the message of love topped w/ a variety of condiments to mask the bland taste of grinded pig's anus packaged in a tube form.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Machine Gun Magic: "They're not for everyone." Just those who can't get enough of that tat-a-tat-tat action.* 1 star

*Police Scanner: The suspect appears to be an obese house-cat.*

either 1/2 a star or fair

*Why Wait For Heaven: The babyboom generation were really susceptible to cult thought & behavior.*

either 1 or 2 1/2 stars (eye opener, I'm now a mindless believer)

-------------------------------------

Manimal: Night of the Beast *Simple bear necessities of wildnerness life trying to be corrupted & turned into a casino resort for the mafia. Robert Englund (not quite Freddy just yet) vs. Manimal. There's a destructive claw, in the movie, but it's not Freddy's. It's Manimal in a ridiculous looking bear suit.* 2 1/2 stars

Men Without Hats - Safety Dance (Literal Version) *"Whack a midget's ass."* 2 1/2 stars for literal 3 stars for original

Angry Video Game Nerd: Seaman for Dreamcast *It has Leonard Nimoy. It eats time & knowledge. It says / does "fuck." It's not logical... or is it? (Cue creepy sci fi music)* 3 stars

The Young Turks: Man Breaks Leg Attempting To Rape Horse *Sadly "it wasn't his first "rodeo"..."* 1 star

Hannibal: Fromage *Lures & lutes. Hannibal gets into a kung fu showdown w/ a fellow serial killer.*

3 stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: PETA & Eat This! *Ethical? No. Infact, insanely evil. Emaciated? Yes. ------ Stop expecting results. Start exacting change. Avoid batshit crazy activists at all cost. They'd starve us all.* 3 stars

---- Memory Hole:

*I'm Obese Song: Just tryna tell you people that I'm messed up.* 3 stars

*Meatsack Worshipers: It puts the cow tongue on its skin or else it won't ever get Fritos again.* close to 3 stars

*Salad Tossers: Hidden Valley's behind closed doors food fetishes.* 2 1/2 stars

*Satan's Dinner Prayer: Dig in, hooves first.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Dance Til U Puke: Achy Breaky Rappers never die. They cry "unbutton my fly."* 3 stars

---------------------

"Munchies" (1987) *Roger Corman produced Gremlins ripoff starring Harvey Korman as a polyester sleazeball bumbling villain. Exists in a quirky America similar to Tim Burton's "Mars Attacks."* running from 2 down to 1 1/2 stars

---- Reel Wild Cinema w/ Sandra Bernhard : Supernatural Sirens

*Creepy Mexican 1940s Universal Horror looking horror short called "Curse of the Crying Woman." Pretty darn creppy, and much more depraved than Universal Horror.

*Sandra wants to slap a bitch (The Crying Woman) & then go get a massage (ha)

*Sandra says not to mess with the hearts of Texas witches or sell your soul to Hollywood

*"The Naked Witch" a story about Bruce Campbell's hipster twenty something year old uncle riding the backroads of Texas, in the 1960s, accidentally bringing back to life buried & vengeful femme fatales. while all the time narrating to himself about it.

*Sandra drops some info about the director of "Naked Witch" filming another flick called "Naughty Dallas" in a strip club owned by Lee Harvey Oswald's assassin Jack Ruby

*Comedian Dana Gould joins Sandra to talk about capes, masks, & restraining orders.

*Sandra gives a hilarious history lesson on Mexican imports including pain killers, ponchos, various other things from Tijuana, & most of all El Santo horror/sci fi movies

*"Samson vs. The Vampire Women"... Watch as El Santo gets "monkey flipped," then puts a werewolf in a "camel clutch" wrestling submission hold. I love typing that sentence.

*1950s retro ad where a woman shows off her Playtex magic plastic bra as she turns completely invisible, except for her underwear, in a grocery store of all places.

*Dana talks w/ Sandra about his friendship w/ Ed Wood's starlet Vampira (sp?). Great story about how she met a rollerskating Bela Lugosi on Hollywood Boulevard. Ha. awesome.

*"The Girl in the Cage"... a 1960s kooky nudie short minus the nudity. We can watch the kitschy siren paw at her bamboo prison, but no nudity. 'Cause even though we're all adults & this is late night, the Puritans who wouldn't ever watch this, & the kids, whose parents ought to have them in bed by late night tv time, might get offended. Nice jungle girl strip tease, none the less.

*Buy a Viva Santo t-shirt from this 1 800 number ad. Do it before Hot Topic puts it up at their store & makes it not cool to wear anymore. Shortly after, they did.

*Grindhouse coming attractions commercials for "The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Woman"... "Devil Woman" a cobra charming she bitch flick from Asia.... "Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico" a Frankenstein sexploitation feature....

*No surprise to find out, via the credits, that the show's "Film Doctor" is none other than the director of "Basket Case" & "Frankenhooker"

3 stars for the shorts & 3 stars for Sandra

----------------------------------

--- Crematia's Horrorscopes (old school tv horror host):

*Aries "A man w/ a glass eye will try to catch yours as his rolls under a table"... Not a bad way to meet. "Meet cutes" make me wanna puke. Glass eyes usually make me want to puke, too, This however I like.

*Taurus "A gardener will ask you to propagate. Don't do it. Ask him to fix the latch." If you have to be told not to screw your gardener, you need more than your horrorscope read. Gardeners don't look the way sexless middle aged women imagine them to be. No six-pack & tan. Only a mustache w/ bread crumbs in it. "Fix the latch." He's not a gynecology expert, either, I'm sure. If you can afford a gardener, you can afford a trip to the vagina doctor. We're already asking enough work, at slave wages, from our illegal help.

*Gemini "Cockroaches will stage a counter-revolution in your kitchen." Wouldn't that make the cockroaches already the oppressive regime in one's house if that were so?... No hiding when the lights come on. It's the humans crawling around in the dark trying to throw molotov cocktails in order to get access to the cereal cabinet or the fridge. Are they gonna booby trap cans of roach spray so that it will explode in the human's hands? That sounds more revolutionary than counter-revolutionary.

*Cancer "You'll be given a gift that requires batteries." This had to be tame in order to be on basic tv. But is a sex toy joke being worked in here? Not funny & probably not.

*Leo "A poultry farmer will ask you to do foul things, but you'll chicken out." Okay, maybe I was wrong about the last one not being about a sex toy. This is getting pretty grotesque. "Chickening out" hints at being interested in the first place. I don't know too many women or men who'd have to turn over in their heads the notion of doing foul things w/ a guy who more than likely smells of chicken feces even after bathing. Someone might be in to that. Someone w/out a gag reflex (I don't mean that in an oral sex sense).

*Virgo "A woman will view your clothing w/ disdain & offer you club soda." Bad joke.

*Libra "You'll attend a party that reminds you of a bowl of cereal full of fruits, nuts, & dates." First, you need some fruits & nuts to spice up a party. Aren't dates dried up fruit? Who'd want a dried up date? Not the fruit but an actual romantic interest... Who'd be at a party thinking about cereal? besides a really high stoner who couldn't wait to get back to their apt & watch cartoons....

*Scorpio "You'll be invited to the neighbors for a matzo ball but you won't know what to wear." If you're that culturally ignorant, then wear some of your Nazi memorabilia attire.

*Sagittarius "A grammarian will make rude comments about your dangling participle" that's pretty clever, I guess. unless your sexual partner is the grammarian.

*Capricorn "A fisherman will invite you to dinner. Go just for the halibut." Stay to look at his small dinghy. Surprised that she didn't say that too.

*Aquarius "A foreigner will misinterpret your body language & take you up on an offer." What's w/ all the references to stumbling into a bad sexual situation? People who follow the nonsense of the zodiac must be really paranoid about rape.

*Pisces "A phrenologist will ask to look at your wife's bumps." He's a doctor of small bumps. He's not a plastic surgeon wanting to give your wife bigger boobs.

Crematia has a dirty mind.

2 1/2 stars

---------------------------

GoodBadFlicks.com : "Bad Channels" *Orson Welles "War of the Worlds" radio airwaves alien panic meets early 1990s rock & roll cheese plus Full Moon Horror productions animatronics special fx work. Starring quirky & energetic MTV vj Martha Quinn.* close to 3 stars for the review

Idiot Box starring Alex Winter: Episode 1 *Raw animal urges & accounting.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Clerks TV Show Pilot (Disney) 1995 *So sanitized, Silent Bob would have Tourettes trying to sit through it. Jim Breuer would fit in pretty well w/ Jason Mewes.* close to 2 stars

The Daily Show w/ Craig Kilborn: 1996 Bill Clinton & Bob Dole Presidential Debate Coverage *Kilborn struggles to connect w/ the studio audience (I believe there was one & it wasn't just the crew laughing. Or maybe it was. Often quiet.. only minimal laughing noise). The correspondents of the Daily Show invade their first of many major political events. You could tell that the major news journalists didn't really know how to react to it. Nothing interesting to report from the snoozer debate. News of Sammy Hagar fired from Van Halen. A funny bit called "Tesh History" that I forgot about & remember liking back in the day. Craig interviews old school entertainers Joe Balogna & his wife Renee Taylor.* 2 stars

Nickelodeon Arcade (featuring the stars of Nick's Salute Your Shorts) *Donkey Lips & Buttlick (the redheaded scumbag pal of Edward Furlong in Terminator 2) go to a gameshow arcade ran by a quirky black dude in a colorfully loud shirt. The type of arcade that moms imagine. Ones w/ a green screen like on the weather channel & where kids wear bike helmets plus elbow & knee pads just to be safe.* 2 1/2 stars (fond childhood memory)

Reading Rainbow: The Salamander Room (1994) *LeVar visits a NYC zoo rainforest enclosure. Much love to Lynne Thigpen who was the voice of reading the story. An unsung hero of the show. Also, there's a reason the theme song is stuck in many an adult's head years & years after never hearing the song again. Good reason that is.* 3 stars

James Randi debunks an aura reader (youtube) *The aura reader had to pick out the auras or actually sillhouettes of strangers behind a thin white sheet. 2 out of 5 ain't bad, given it's all a game of chance & aura reading is bullshit. But, if I were the aura reader, I would claim that the 1920s style barbershop quartet top hats threw off their chakras.* 2 stars

---- TV Carnage:

*Seamless: On Dr. Phil, today a murder confession, tomorrow the tale of a clutterbug.* 3 stars

*The Bottom Line Is Nice Hair! No Matter How You Get It!: "There's a new you waiting" & he has teased bangs but no bald spot.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Your Inner Piece: If you are wise, you won't let a white guy wanna be yoga master (yogi) put you into all kinds of awkward stretching positions that resemble sex positions.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Women Look Amazing When They Fight: Noogies & short shorts. I miss America's Roman gladiatorial days of sexist lady athletics.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sylvia Dogs Do Rule Heaven: Saint Peter has a St. Bernard.* 2 stars

----------------------

Beavis & Butthead: Don't Call Me Dude - Scatterbrain *If you don't know the dude, it's rude.* 2 stars w/ riffing close to 2 stars w/out

Uncharted Zone: Gemma Cretella - Thesis Antithesis Synthesis *Pretentiously wordy hipster techno music white rapper.* 1 1/2 stars

Robocop: Zone Five *This series continues to borrow heavy from Batman & Frank Miller. There's a drug hitting the streets of Old Detroit that's similar to The Joker's laughing gas. The bureaucrats have turned a section of the most crime ridden part of the city over to vigilantes who secretly are the criminals supplying the drug. There's a psychiatrist agreeing w/ the criminals & he's a lot like Dr. Crane in Batman Begins. Robocop's son almost gets corrupted by the vigilantes, similar to a lot of Robin stories.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax versus 70's Commercials from CBS's presentation of the Star Wars Holiday Special *"Always look for the union label" & the "extreme melodrama."* 3 stars w/ riffing 2 1/2 stars w/out

Occult Demon Cassette presents "Never Be A Victim" (1990s Stranger Danger) *Be alert, aware, & filled w/ awful anxiety. Has friendly Irish-Canadian police officer Jim scared the shit out of you, w/ his helpful hints about the horrific, yet or not?* either 1 or 2 stars

"Madman" (1982) w/ commentary from cast & crew *Trends don't always have to be a bad thing. Following in the footsteps of Friday the 13th & Halloween, some young, determined filmmakers scrounge together enough resources to take a camp legend & turn it into another great entry into the early days of the 80s slasher genre.* 3 plus stars w/ commentary 3 stars w/out

American Gothic: Inhumanitas *To living we owe respect. To the dead we owe the truth. To the devil, Lucas Buck, a crooked lawyer owes money & also a corrupted preacher owes his soul.* close to 3 stars or 1 1/2 stars for the horrible CGI / unintentionally funny scene of a poor, old, black man's head on the body of the angel sister pretending to be a waitress.

"Warlock Moon" w/ audio commentary from Joe Bob Briggs *According to Joe Bob, San Francisco & Austin indie filmmakers may have traded ideas about turning the classic children's fable "Hansel & Gretel" into a horror flick. He suspects much marijuana was smoked in the process (ha). San Francisco produced this one, Warlock Moon, which Joe Bob says should have went by its other, much better title "Blood Spa." The Austin connection makes it very similar to & almost a sister film of "Saw" (Texas Chain, that is).*

3 stars w/ commentary & 2 stars w/out

The Higgins Boys & Gruber: Skinny Wizard *Tired of spending your weekend either jamming out to metal in your kitchen/den/living room combo or going to the mall w/ your devil worshiping friend Thad? Straighten up, thanks to The Parents Coalition for Good Tunes.* 2 1/2 stars

Jerry Springer: "I'm In Love With A Gay Vampire" *You'd think that it'd be a drain, but they're great emotional & spiritual support in a relationship or affair.* 1 star

Duran Duran: Rio (Literal Video Version) *"Sweet air saxophone dude, dude, dude, dude..."*

running from 2 to close to 2 1/2 starsw/ literal & close to 2 1/2 stars for actual

"Dirty Shary" ---xxx--- (1985) *She's got a 44. No, not a handgun. A 44 double d breast size & she's using it to somehow help take down a white slavery sex ring.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Cheaters: Anesthesiologist Finds Cougar Wife Cheating *Menopause shouldn't mean a skanky girls nite out addict should pause gettin' some from douchebag hunks just 'cause her hubbie specializes in dulling sensitivity.* zero stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Mitchell *"Leaves behind the "great" smell of brute." Joel also leaves behind a great legacy, fleeing in an escape pod after this awful movie. This movie is more anti-drug idiotic than Reefer Madness. Joe Don runs around being a supposed to be loveable drunk, but isn't, always chugging a six pack & shooting first or causing someone else's violent demise, even at one point an innocent helicopter cop partner. However, he's on his moral high horse in forced comedic interactions w/ his high class escort girlfriend who he's always shoving around & hauling off to jail for a small amount of marijuana. Hypocritical. That's on top of the rest shit movie smeared in 70s era country western trucker lowlife swagger Americana b.s. (not just in the also awful soundtrack & not in any cool way).*

more than 2 stars w/ Joel's last MST3K riff & 1 star w/out

5 Dollar Wresling: Storm Maverick, Your Next 5 Dollar Wrestling Superstar *He body slams his pillow, even though it's also his amigo, on his grandma's living room floor.* close to 3 stars

--- TBS Commercials May 12, 1988 (Part 3 on Youtube) ran during the Superstation Movie Presentation of "The Savage Bees":

*The announcer lady talks about how Thursday at 8:00pm prime time, TBS will be showing The Dirty Dozen w/ Lee Marvin & Ernest Borgnine. That shows the huge difference in old school TBS & modern "Very Funny" TBS. The Dirty Dozen is very manly whereas TBS's modern primetime lineup of "Big Bang Theory" is very unmanly.

*Preview for Frank Sinatra as a guest on Larry King Live on sister network CNN.

*80s mallrat tween girls dance about because Lee 'Press On Nails' have just been made for smaller hands.

*Partly animated Murine earwax removal system commercial. My grandparents were of the Depression/WW2 generation. By the late 80s, they were already retired & living comfortably. Products & ads like this remind me so much of their medicine cabinet. TBS reminds me of them, as well. Old war movies, westerns, & Americana sitcoms / dramas.

*A New York Giants linebacker, in full gear, in his locker room spraying athletes foot cure spray on his toes. The brand is NP-27, & the can couldn't have a more generic yellow & red color scheme design or bland logo. Probably why the product didn't last...

*Sleepinal to help 80s adults fall asleep fast. The milquetoast ad man for Sleepinal puts me to sleep just looking at & hearing speak.

*Quirky promo for prehistoric time travel feature "The Land that Time Forgot" on Grandpa Munster's Super Scary Saturday on the Superstation.

*Remember those old Time Life music compilation commercials? The ones where some forgotten entertainer would stand alone in a studio & sing a few lines from each of their hit songs? Well, here's one for "Get the Very Best of Ray Stevens" & Ray is at his best (worst?) as he sings his tunes while dressed up in costumes fitting each silly song. Whitetrash variety

*"Munster, Go Home" promo coming on Saturday afternoon on the Superstation.

Ah, I so miss old school TBS Superstation

A very biased for nostalgia reasons 3 stars

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Extended Play on Tech TV 10/12/2001? *Extended Play was such a better name than X Play. X for xtreme, I guess, sounds like something a group of smarmy ad people sat around & did focus groups to come up with a "cool" title. Adam Sessler a thick head of spiky Billy Idol hair too. There's also no nerd sex object Morgan Webb to lust over. Talk with a visionary computer gaming studio ,Xulu, who wanted to have a realistic space travel simulator. Sad news that the already dead, at the time, Sega Dreamcast wouldn't be getting Shenmue 2, & instead X Box would. Preview for the classic, cute, & addictive "Super Monkey Ball."* 2 stars

Cracked.com : Why 28 Days Later is Secretly About Sex *Everything in this running zombies(? infected?) flick is a metaphor over frustration about humans' urges surrounding fucking.* either 1 star or 3

Brass Eye: Science *Some people say that heavy electricity isn't real. Those people aren't idiots or celebrities looking to be cool standing up for a cause they pretend to understand.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Forbidden Transmission 2: Cultural Fallout *Let's all smoke pot, dat damn fried chicken, do fag stuff. Shucky ducky, quack quack. Grab a slut & pee in her butt* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Baby Grobags *Planned Parenthood presents Baby Grobags from the makers of Hot Pockets. These bundles of joy are smarter than a 5th grader & an adult.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Cinema Insomnia w/ Mr. Lobo: Bigfoot, Mysterious Monster

*Retro 1970s ad for Mattel's Creepy Crawlers 'Thingmaker 2' from an era when little girls wore granny sized eye glasses. Awesome.

*Some 1960s era Go-Go dancing w/ upskirt shots of nice legs in pantyhose & white jungle babes.

*Mr. Lobo wants the viewer to suspend disbelief for the "Godfather of Grunge" Bigfoot

*1950s sci fi film star Peter Graves comes on camera, very grim, to tell the viewers of the film about its earnestness in documenting the truth about Bigfoot (snicker) & to warn them of the horror (let the exploitation begin).

*Vintage trailer for King Kong vs. Godzilla. In it, an American scientist talks about how King Kong's brain is bigger. Go America, boo Japan! Our monster is smarter. But did we not kidnap Kong from Skull Island in the Pacific? Shhh! He's a Yankee, now!

*Lobo & Graves both talk about the Loch Ness monster. Of course, Lobo does it more tongue in cheek. Loch Ness vs. Bigfoot... about as close as we could actually come to King Kong vs. Godzilla. That is if all the crazies are right & reality isn't.

*Parody of those old soft rock romance cd ads that would play on t.v. This one is for cult sci fi character Krankor. For only 9 payments of $9.99 own Candles, Krankor, & You. It will make you want to hug your significant other on a sunset beach while the waves gently break on your feet. Ah... romantic.

*Nice bumpers for Cinema Insomnia using old cartoons. One has a giant, angry motor oil can chasing a cute something or other...

*Lobo is keeping up w/ the latest crypto weirdo through UFO magazines & such.

*Graves tries to pass off modern lizards' ties to ancient times, including the funny little running on two legs lizard complete w/ wacky sound effects, to prove the possibility of Sasquatch... He's no Darwin.

*1950s ad for Gravy Train dog food "Makes it's own gravy" & "looks like beef stew" if you believe Johnny, the hound's owner. Go ahead, Johnny, take a bite. You know you wanna.

*"This could be your terror!" "This could be your city!" so it says in a vintage trailerf or Rodan. The early days of the atomic age had people actually wondering if that were true or not. Or at least shelling out a nickel or dime to see monster carnage.

*American history lesson on Sasquatch. He ("they") migrated from Asia. Oh, no, don't tell Donald Trump. Also, a Brit team, in the 1800s, possibly captured a young one & named it "Jacko." Hmm... a young, repressed weird boylike creature named "Jacko"... Why am I reminded of a chimp named "Bubbles" & a pursuit of The Elephant Man's bones...

*Lobo is having stomach problems out in a park restroom on his hunt for Bigfoot. He'll find another big, hairy manlike creature instead. The North American Gay Bear fetishist.

*Gigantis, the Fire Monster trailer. Bigfoot as an excuse for all the kaiju krazy

*Graves tries to argue the importance of oral statements on Bigfoot to a scientist. The scientist doesn't buy it. He wants hard scientific evidence. Graves brings up the fact that the courts relied on such testimony. Thank science for physical scientific evidence coming into play more now in the courts. It's not 100 percent perfect, yet, but it's far better than a jury believing the same person, in a real trial of importance, who had earlier given a sworn report on their encounter w/ a mythical creature.

*An adult Bigfoot believer recounts his time out camping w/ his Boy Scout troop when Bigfoot was caught sniffing their underwear late one night. This caused the boys to squeal like a Girl Scout. This only proves that Bigfoot belongs not in the list of known species but instead on that of sex offenders.

*Chilly Dilly "The Personality Pickle" a cartoon pickle spokesperson who looks like Jimminy Cricket. A portable pickle snack. Snacks have come a long long way. Picklemania ran wild.

*Lobo visits w/ the director of "Bloodthirst, the Legend of the Chupacabra." American woodsmen are afraid of Bigfoot & Mexican desertmen(?) fear "Goat Sucker."

*Trailer for the above mentioned flick. Looks very low budget & shot on video. Also like a vampire flick instead of a monster flick. The director explained that he believed the Chupacabra was actually another Mexican/South American legend called the Mocha or something Vampire. He admits fans & critics hated his Chupacabra re-imagining & I can easily see why. It sucks.

*Chocolate Toddy dairy bar snack in a can. It's 1950s white people approved. Mooooooo! The poor dairy bar worker guy. What a lame uniform.

*Suburban Sportsman is odd & I don't know what to make of it. A sort of travelogue of Area 51 conspiracy theorist visiting the base, looking at dead sheep corpses, & then going out on the salt desert to use their high powered pistols to shoot lizards for lunch.

*Again, Cinema Insomnia makes good use of stock footage for their bumpers. Comforting midnight jazz & a moon filmed for some long ago tropical flick now shown in timelapse sliding across the night's horizon. Doing late night tv, right.

*Escape from the Planet of the Apes trailer. When the apes arrived here via space ship to the astonishment of the U.S. army. The Ancient Aliens tv show guy w/ the crazy hair... He looks like a Tim Burton concept sketch for his Apes failure of a movie.

*Graves visits a psychic detective w/ a Bigfoot plaster cast hidden in a suitcase. The quack guesses correctly. If it weren't obvious that Graves was fucking w/ the viewer, before, it should be now.

*Lobo tries to hypnotize a waitress into revealing whether or not she served Bigfoot a cup of Joe as one of her countless customers over the years.

*Trailer for the awesome looking stop motion 50s giant monster flick "The Black Scorpion."

*Lame & long winded joke interview w/ a 5th grade teacher about Bigfoot being his former student. Only gets funny w/ a short part about Bigfoot hitting puberty & being smelly.

*1940s looking safety film clip about numbskulls taking risks & turning into grotesque looking figures wearing scary as shit masks from that time period. I think the masks were supposed to make them look like comical fools, but to the modern eye it's ole timey uncanny valley horrifying.

*Lobo sits on a nice pier interviewing Bigfoot's awkward prom date who seems to never have gotten over that night. She claims Bigfoot had a tiny penis.

*Lobo talks w/ Bigfoot's former roommate in college. The hipster playing the part makes sure the shot is framed w/ a Buffy cast photo magazine, a Doctor Who laser disc or vinyl album, & his Superfriends cartoon t-shirt.

*A bunch of hippy investigators went out in the woods w/ tranquilizer guns & cameras to find evidence to force the scientific community to "take a more active role in the hunt for Bigfoot" according to Graves. Also according to Graves, they only came back w/ a handful of fecal matter & hair. Sounds about right. Hippies + or - Bigfoot = Hair + Shit.

either fair or folly for Peter Graves pseudo documentary, 3 stars for Cinema Insomnia's ads & bumpers, more than 2 1/2 stars Lobo, close to fair for the guests

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Chiller Theater Presents: Doctor Moreau's Happy Pills (youtube) *If only they'd invent a solution to everyday ills.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Marc Maron Predicts the Future" (youtube) *Doomed, bored, & further restricted. Marc nailed it.* close to 3 stars

Rich Hall: Supermarket Sniglets --1983-- (youtube) *Made up words that should be in the dictionary. An early urban dictionary, but more cleverly absurd & stomachable & not awful slang related.* close to 3 stars

Bill Maher's "Religulous" *Take it on faith & do it because you've always done it, dammit.*

more than 2 1/2 stars

0 notes

trevorbailey61 · 8 years ago

Text

Heaven 17

The Picturedome, Holmfirth

Friday 18th August 2017

It wasn’t meant to be like this of course. Alongside that, after two albums, the original members of the Human League decided they hated each other, there were considerable differences in the way they each saw the music developing and their role within this. Standing at the front while his companions coaxed the sounds out of their synthesisers, Phil Oakey saw himself as the star; all he needed was that moment of pop glory that would make him the teen idol he wanted to be. He may have had doubts as to whether Martyn Ware and Ian Craig Marsh could provide the accompaniment for this but that was never really on anyway, the pair would never have accepted simply being the backing band in his quest for stardom. Thus they fell out, Oakey kept the name and after finding a couple of backing singers in a Sheffield night club, produced one of those albums that was to define its era with almost everyone owning a copy of “Dare”. Ware and Marsh, however, had loftier ideas and quickly formed the British Electric Foundation, something they saw as being at the forefront of developing the use of technology to fundamentally change the way in which music sounded. Through this they recorded “Music of Quality & Distinction Volume One”, the volume one indicating that this was conceived as an on going project, where they provided innovative accompaniment for cover versions of songs performed by a range of artists including Tina Turner, Bernie Nolan, Hank Marvin and, erm, Gary Glitter. With Oakey inheriting the name, he could wrestle with the problems of taking synthesiser driven music out on the road, they would be creatures of the studio, pop art radicals striving for that moment of sonic perfection.

Alongside the established names they drew into the BEF project was Glenn Gregory, like them, a Sheffield lad who, rumour has it, was the original choice for The Human League. With Gregory as the singer, they had already recorded a number of their own compositions on two cassette only releases before releasing their first album, “Penthouse and Pavement” just prior to the BEF project. Remaining, as they saw it, true to their art credentials, they avoided the usual trappings, insisting that this was music to be listened to, not performed. They did, however, decide that they needed a name for this collective and picked Heaven 17 from a fictional band in “A Clockwork Orange”. Released at the start of the 80s, looking back now it seems a suitably iconic album to usher in a new decade, its sleeve depicting an emerging yuppie lifestyle in much the same was as the music provided a foretaste of the styles that would dominate the sound of the years to come. Unlike Oakey’s opus, however, it did not endear itself and the mixed response in the music press was reflected as it provided the background to late night discussions while I was at university. Despite being built on heavily programmed beats, Gregory is still able to tell us the bpm for two of the songs during the set, the music is stuttering and awkward with songs often lacking a strong melody or the easy hooks that Oakey found on “Dare”. It seemed important but it was difficult to love.

Another barrier was that the album was also highly political, not overtly but, as the title implies, the lifestyles reflected in the songs had a clear focus on the gap between those above and their fellow citizens who had been less fortunate. In the lead single, however, the message was blunt leading to “We Don’t Need This Facist Groove Thang” being banned by the BBC due to its reference to the recent election of Ronald Reagan. Their politics, informed by the highly politicised atmosphere in their home town at the time, also contributed to the way in which their music was presented; the BBC ban no doubt giving them some kudos and their use of promotional films rather than a tour gave them a greater element of control over this. More than likely, they never thought of where this would lead them over three and a half decades later but if they did it would be to providing the soundtrack to some post modernist art installation rather than to this straight forward run through their hits to a group of mostly fifty somethings trying to recapture their youth. This can mainly be attributed to one song, “Temptation”, a moment of pop brilliance that shattered the art pretensions and led to them reluctantly accepting the rules by which the business worked. Success brought expectations, audiences expected to hear them live, they expected the songs in pretty much the same way as they heard them on the records, they expected at least 90 minutes of music and they expected an encore. No longer were they allowed to be the mavericks, the art rebels, they were now mainstream.

With Heaven 17 being at their peak during my time at university, it is fitting that the concert led to a reunion with an old friend from those days, although with Neil never really showing the obsession with music that I have, he would not have been part of those discussions on the limitations of “Penthouse and Pavement”. It was good to meet up, however, and this led to a night out in Huddersfield, an opportunity to visit some great pubs and a little too much to drink. Another reason for our visit is that the support act are Beautiful Mechanica featuring Grace, our niece, on keyboards and backing vocals. This will be the first time we have seen them since they supported Spear of Destiny at the Hare and Hounds last year and the more upbeat set, together with an audience who responded well to them, made it a much better show. Talking to the band leader, Graham, after, he explains how they adapt what they play to the fit in with the headline and tonight this gave them an energy that the darker songs last year didn’t always have. This is helped by the introduction of some new material that, he explains, is their beginning of their disco phase, “well if the Arcade Fire can do it”. There were a few problems with the balance in the sound at first but once the levels were set, the precise harmonies from Grace, more prominent on the newer songs, added a haunting quality to their sound.

With Marsh having given up touring about ten years ago, Ware and Gregory are now Heaven 17 with the keyboards of the former being set prominently at the front alongside the singer. With them, another set of keyboards is set up at the back of the stage allowing the parts created by Marsh to now be filled in by the tall striking figure of Bernie and two backing singers add harmonies and occasional lead alongside Gregory. Their initial reluctance to play the game is now forgotten, they are engaging performers, occasionally bickering with each other as happens when two people know each other well and adding humour to the chat between the songs. They are aware of this tendency to become an end of the pier comedy act, “we’re not Morecambe and Wise” Gregory complains at one point, but they know each other so well now they seem incapable of preventing it. Announcing that for a special Yorkshire audience they have something different lined up, he tells us that they will be doing an Abba song which, when alternatives are shouted out, he immediately regrets. The warmth of their partnership, however, is best seen on a cover they do. Leaving Bernie to accompany the song, Ware joins Gregory for a spirited “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling”, played in the stark arrangement used by the Human League all those years ago. Taking on a well known pop standard invites comparisons and whilst the quality of the vocals may, at best, be described as functional, the wonderful bond between the two made it inspiring.

Gregory is keen to acknowledge Ware’s contributions to the first two Human League albums and the show starts and ends with songs from these. “Circus of Death” is a reminder of just how uncompromising they could be, sparse electronic distortions and changing rhythm patterns combine to unsettling effect allowing Gregory to lurch onto the stage to add the macabre lyrics. As an encore, “Being Boiled” takes us back there, softened a little by the years, the harmonies and hand-clapping but still an audacious song and a reminder of how ground breaking they were at the start. Whilst these excursions into their origins adds perspective, however, the age of the audience show the period they have come to hear and the bulk of the set is drawn from “Penthouse and Pavement” and its follow up, “The Luxury Gap”. “Facist Groove Thang” appears early, urgent in its ferocious pace and as Gregory points out in its introduction, terrifyingly relevant. At the time, its statement seemed a little too obvious, sixth form politics set to a disco beat where simply mentioning the worked facist would provoke nods of agreement in junior common rooms. If anything, that simplicity works better now than it did, with nuance and subtlety replaced by broad slogans in the intervening years, argument based on something that can easily be expressed in 140 characters. The only minor quibble would be a missed opportunity to update the reference to Reagan. The programmed rhythm is as fast as it always was but even this is exceeded by the appropriately titled “We Live So Fast”, “motion, motion”.

The nights spent listening to and dissecting this music have left an imprint and despite having paid little attention in the intervening years, I find I instantly recognise almost all of the songs and, with introduction giving me the prompt, can sing along to most. Familiarity has smoothed off some of the rough edges; the unwavering beat was always infectious but now the melodies seem more natural than they once did and the song structure more clearly defined. A wave of nostalgia envelops me through “Penthouse and Pavement”, “Play to Win” and “Let’s All Make a Bomb”, taking me back years to the small room in Derby Hall or the cold house we had in Basford. The comfort this brings, however, serves to bring out the darkness in the lyrics, as pertinent and relevant now as they were then, perhaps we needed the last song on the album, “We’re Going to Live for a Very Long Time”, to wrap us up and assure us everything will be alright. The second album, “The Luxury Gap”, always had its pop hooks which remain as strong as ever, seen on “Crushed By the Wheels of Industry” and “Temptation”, the extended introduction to the latter giving the backing singers a chance to fill their lungs and show the power and range in their voices. It is difficult to think of anyone writing a song with the complex morality of “Come Live With Me” now but it still manages to provide some insight into the emptiness of the relationship between the older man and a much younger woman. A couple of Bowie covers are also included, “Let’s Dance” sits alongside the rhythms of their own songs well but despite the importance he attaches to it, Gregory’s voice lacks the subtly to capture “Life on Mars”; the sparse accompaniment was fitting but his deep baritone rather over powers the fragility and loneliness in the words. The highlight, however, was one of their own. Before playing it, Gregory states that “Let Me Go” is their favourite and it is easy to see why. Smart, intelligent lyrics above an intricate and multilayered arrangement, it epitomises everything they worked to achieve and with coloured light bouncing off the mirror ball above us provided a suitably affecting and powerful moment before the party blast of “Temptation”.

After the show, we head to the pub next door for a drink giving an opportunity for the post gig adrenaline to subside, particularly for those who had been performing. Had it not been for a family interest, I would probably have never seen Heaven 17 or been to a concert at the Picturedome but in both cases, I’m glad that I did. The venue is wonderful, an old cinema that has been converted sympathetically into a concert hall, the sound is good, it is the right size and they even manage to serve decent beer at a reasonable price. All agree that the audience helped to make this a great show tonight; loud and enthusiastic from the start, the band responded accordingly making for a wonderful evening. Commenting on this, Graham noted that they didn’t want them to fail, something that a support act often has to contend with as audiences make little effort in concealing their boredom as they wait for the headline. They also comment on how supportive the headline were, staying out in the hall while they played and providing encouragement. That art installation will have to wait, there are plenty who want to relive their youth in the company of one of the innovative bands of the era which means that the nostalgia circuit will be detaining Heaven 17 for while yet. With a Yorkshire crowd at a great venue like this was to see them at their best. As we leave, I look up at the acts playing there in the future and notice that Half Man Half Biscuit will be there towards the end of September - it will be a long way to go and there are no family connections but ……

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