#Haru sacrifices herself to save Baron

[wolfiethewriter]

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep (a Cat Returns fanfic)

notes/warnings: major character death, heavy angst. Get your tissues, i will break you. 

summary: after losing her life on a bureau case, Haru has just enough magic left to linger for a little while and say goodbye to her friends. Haru/Baron.

a/n: a short ficlet inspired by the poem referenced here. If I don't get at least one 'how dare you?', for this then I have failed. Reblogs here and Reviews/comments on the ffn version and the ao3 version are appreciated even if they just say "cool story bro, needs more unicorns" and generally mean more stories for this fandom :)

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

It was a lovely service. Even though they all stood there under the drizzling rain holding umbrellas. Baron wearing a black suit as a sign of respect instead of his usual light colour. All faces were sad and sombre, and her mother had clearly been weeping, her eyes red and puffy. Only she was the odd one out, wearing a light summery sleeveless top and shorts.

But then, it was her funeral.

She looked across at her friends as she stood beside them. And her mother, too. And ached for them all. Their lives never would be the same again now. Not now she was gone.

It'd been a standard bureau case. A case like any other. Only this time things had gone... awry. It had come down to a choice between herself and Baron. And she'd chosen Baron. Shoving him out of the way so the beam of magic hit her instead of him.

A foolish choice in terms of self-preservation. But love did make one foolish. Her more than most.

And it had cost her life. Though there was enough magic left inside her for this. To say goodbye. Though they couldn't see or hear her.

She'd watched first her mother, then the bureau give her eulogies. Extolling her virtues. Toto saying she was brave and selfless and kind. How Muta had called her Chicky, and said that her best quality was that 'she liked to stick her nose in other people's business'. How Baron had shed a single tear at the podium and finally confessed his love for her, too little too late.

It broke her heart to watch them mourn for her.

They were all staring at her coffin, laying their flowers onto the polished wood. A colourful bouquet because Haru always loved colours. Zinnia flowers. In the language of flowers: I mourn your absence.

Her heart lurched. Of course, they'd miss her. She didn't know why she hadn't believed it before she threw her life away.

Her mother lay her hand on Baron's shoulder and said something inaudible. Baron nodded as she shuffled away. But the Bureau lingered. Perhaps to say their own farewells.

She stepped closer to them, wishing she could physically touch them, that they could see her. That she could say a proper goodbye, with warm hugs and soft words and love – so much love.

But that wasn't to be. The Sanctuary had only spared enough of her magic for this, and it would have to be enough.

She watched her friends, her bureau, her Baron, and her heart ached afresh. Of course they would miss her. She missed them. But she didn't want them to be sad forever. She wanted them to go on, live their lives, keep sticking their noses in other people's business. And help people, because that's what they were best at.

And besides that, she wasn't lying in that coffin. She was here, right beside them. Where she belonged. Where she'd always belonged.

She looked at her friends – her family – and thought of a poem read aloud in her literature class. A short, simple poem, but one that had stuck with her. Though she hadn't known it's true meaning until today. When she was looking at them all, mourning the loss of her.

She stepped closer. Wanting to say it to them. Though they would not hear.

But she spoke the words anyway.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep."

Muta's ears twitched, but that was probably just the wind. It was a chilly autumn, and the wind blew through her hair and across her skin. Ruffling through fur and feathers as it passed the Bureau.

"I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow."

Toto perked his head up, ruffled his feathers. Mumbled her name. How he missed her already. Not knowing she was right beside him. In the space he'd left between himself and Baron out of habit.

"I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain."

Another breeze blew by, carrying with it a few droplets of rain. Baron sighed. "Even the skies weep for her," he said softly. She closed the gap between herself and the feline creation. Wanting to hold his hand, but her fingers ghosted through his. Her ethereal form unable to latch onto his solid one. No matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't comfort him. She had to settle for words. Perhaps he'd hear them.

"When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush,

Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night."

She smiled softly as Baron's ears twitched, heard his soft sigh. "Beautiful." Toto and Muta agreed with him. So they had heard. Tears welled up in her eyes, because they'd heard her. Because even that was beyond her hope.

Her sob threatened to choke her, but she swallowed it. She wanted to be strong for them. To show them she was happy, at peace, that they didn't need to worry about her any more. Tell them that she'd always be with them whether in the spring rain or autumn leaves or even just the sound of their laughter. That Baron had to stop blaming himself for her death because it was her choice.

But her words failed her then, and it was all she could do to lay a gentle hand on Baron's shoulder. And to her surprise he blinked and turned to look right at her. She just smiled, softly, only a little sad.

"Do not stand at my grave and cry;" she said with finality.

"I am not there. I did not die." He blinked and stared back at her, astonished. "Haru?" She smiled warmly back at him, at the feline creation she'd grown to love over the years. "Take care, Baron." she told him. "Take care of each other. And stop blaming yourself for what happened." Baron gave the slightest nod, still looking quite incredulous, until Muta's voice broke the spell.

"Hey uh, you okay there, Baron?" She watched Baron shake his head and snap himself back to reality again.

"I thought I saw Haru..." he began, trailing off. He shook his head again. "Nevermind. I guess she'll always be with us."

"As long as we remember her, she will," Toto agreed.

Muta nodded firmly. "Agreed. Now come on let's get back, we can have angel food cake in her honour and tell stories about how great she was."

Baron smiled. The first smile she'd seen today. "Now that sounds like a plan," he said.

Haru watched them all touch her coffin once more before they all left for home. For the Sanctuary. For their lives without her. She smiled as she watched them go, knowing they'd be alright. They had each other. And like Toto said, as long as they remembered her, she'd always be with them. Even as the Sanctuary's magic waned and she faded away from this plane of existence.