#Happy Hogan's [Ever Evolving] Resume Series

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

WIP Wednesday

“The kid talks a lot,” Happy defended. A split second later it hit him. “Wait. Are you jealous? Is Tony Stark jealous of me?”

Tony scoffed. “Oh, please. I’m not jealous. I don’t even get jealous. I just don’t understand. I’m with him more than you are. How do you know so much more about the kid than I do?”

“I do not know more about the kid than you.” There was no way. “I don’t even think that’s possible. Actually, I’m reasonably sure you know more about the kid than the kid does. You’re honestly the biggest helicopter parent I’ve ever seen in my life.”

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

Happy Hogan's [Even Expading] Resume Series ~ happyaspie

Nurse Happy Tony has been out of the county, and Happy has been tasked with making sure Peter is there to greet him when he gets back. Only Happy wasn’t really expecting the kid to be sick when he picked him up from school. Nor was he expecting to have to coax said kid into admitting it. But there he was, suddenly in charge of taking care of his superhero boss’s sick superhero pseudo son.

Chef Happy Somehow or another, Happy is tasked with watering his boss's stupid plant while he's out of town. He's just finishing up when Peter Parker comes waltzing in, having forgotten that Tony won't be there. He wants to just send him on his way. But the mother-hen tendencies he didn't even know he had kicked in, and he's suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to make sure the kid eats. It's fine. He loves to cook. And he makes a pretty darn good grilled cheese.

Field Medic Happy  Literally, the last thing Happy wants to be doing at eleven o'clock on a Saturday evening is helping his superhero boss sew up his superhero kid. Fantastic

Shopping Assistant Happy  Somehow Happy ends up being roped into taking Peter Parker shopping. He's sure it will be absolutely delightful

🆕 Happy's Interpersonal Skills Happy Hogan is often tasked with carting Peter Parker all over the city to do all kinds of random things. This, of course, means sitting in a lot of traffic, and the kid's favorite way to combat the accompanying boredom is to talk. Relentlessly. As a result, he picks up on all kinds of things about Peter. Every once in a while he'll share one of those little tidbits of information with Tony. Although it seems to stress him out more than it helps him.

"Wait. Are you Jealous? Is Tony Stark jealous of me?"

✨Coming Soon:

Santa Impersonator Happy Happy walks into the F.E.A.S.T. building prepared to drop off a check and leave. Then Peter uses his big brown eyes to convince him to stay and help out. He just wished he'd asked a few more questions before agreeing.

"Santa. You want me to dress up as- Santa?

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

Santa Impersonator Happy by happyaspie

Part 6 of Happy Hogan's [Ever Evolving] Resume,  Part 12 of May Your Days be Merry and Bright

No Archive Warnings Apply | Rated G | Word Count 4,954 | Peter Parker, Happy Hogan, Tony Stark, May Parker, Christmas Fluff, POV Happy Hogan

Summary: Happy walks into the F.E.A.S.T. building prepared to drop off a check and leave. Then Peter uses his big brown eyes to convince him to stay and help out. He just wishes he'd asked a few more questions before agreeing. "Santa. You want me to dress up as- Santa?"

[Excerpt Below]

Happy stood in the backroom at F.E.A.S.T. with his arms held out by his sides while Peter moved like a blur around him. It was an hour before the start of what was to be the shelter’s big holiday event  and he’d come by to drop off a large check signed by Pepper Potts. Of course it couldn’t have been that easy. Within seconds of entering the building, he’d somehow been roped into taking on a much more participatory role. The most likely cause being Peter Parker's big brown eyes and ridiculously long lashes. All the kid had to do was dip his chin and peer upward to become the epitome of childish beseeching. If it weren’t for his humble upbringing, that look alone could have earned him a spot as one of the most spoiled children on the planet. 

“Happy! Oh my gosh! This is so great! I have just the job for you! Can you stay?” Peter had asked. 

Happy had raised his shoulders, intent to decline. Christmas was right around the corner and his list of things to do seemed to be getting longer rather than shorter. Honestly, he blamed Tony. ‘Happy, can you do this? Happy, can you do that?’ It was a never ending phenomenon that followed him all year long, but something about the holiday season made it feel more hectic. Hanging around to help F.E.A.S.T, while noble in theory, would likely put him way behind on his list of things to do. “I don’t know, Kid. I have errands to take care of and the boss-”

“Please?” Peter had interjected, the look on his face bordering pathetic. Like a kicked puppy.  “We’ve worked so hard to make this event perfect and we really need your help!” 

With a huffed sigh, Happy had given in; no questions asked. He’d set the check aside and asked what he needed to do. Peter was expectedly giddy at his agreement, shouting ‘Yes!’ while thrusting his fist in the air. He was just about to tell the kid to pipe down and give him some directions when the door was thrown open and Peter darted through it.

“Aunt May! I found our Santa! Where did you put the suit?” Peter had shouted, much to Happy horror. He was suddenly very concerned about what he’d just signed himself up to do.

Less than five minutes later the kid reappeared carrying a stack of bright red clothing and a few accompanying accessories. Half of it was shoved into his hands before he could say anything about it. He examined what he’d been given, his brow furrowing as he turned it over in his hands. A thin pair of red fleece pants, a red and white plush coat and a standard variety Santa hat. “Santa,” he’d blandly stated. “You want me to dress up as- Santa.”

Completely undeterred by the lack of enthusiasm, a wide smile had spread across Peter’s face. “Yeah! We’ve been trying to figure out who could do it. Then you showed up and that solved everything!” He’d practically bounced on his toes as he pointed toward the opposite side of the room. “Hurry up and put it on! There’s a bathroom over there!” 

Helplessly, Happy had  looked between Peter, the restroom door and back again. “There’s no one else?” He liked the holidays. He really did. But spending the afternoon pretending to be Saint Nick simply wasn’t exactly his ideal way to spend them. He was more of a run around like crazy getting stuff done, then sit down and watch sappy Christmas movies, kind of person. He really, really hoped the kid had a back up plan that wasn't him. 

Alas, that was not the case. 

Peter had frowned, the expression looking extremely out of place compared to the festive sweater and goofy reindeer headband he was wearing. “Everyone else already has jobs assigned to them and there aren't enough volunteers as it is Please, Happy?” the kid had begged,  his bottom lip sticking out so far it was amazing he hadn’t tripped over it “You’re the only one who can do it. The suit will fit you perfectly and everything. You're just the right size for it!”

Happy had opened his mouth to offer a compromise. Maybe offer to hire someone else to do the job. He’d barely gotten his mouth open before May had come buzzing into the room, all smiles. 

“Oh my goodness, Happy! Thank you so much for doing this!” Without warning she’d wrapped her arms around him, squeezed him tightly and planted a kiss to the side of his head. He stock-stood still, staring stupidly as she released him and clasped her hand under her chin “I have to get back to the kitchen to sort some boxes. But seriously, thank you! You’ll be the star of the event!”

With those words, she’d turned and left just as quickly as she’d arrived. 

“See?” Peter asked, successfully pulling him out of his stupor. “You’ll be the star.”

Happy had blinked toward the door and shook his head. The soft clothing was still in his hands. He gave it a cursory look before admitting defeat. Between Peter’s pleading and May’s gratitude, how was he supposed to say no? “Fine. I’ll wear the suit.”

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[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

Chef Happy by happyaspie

Part 2 of my new series! Happy Hogan's [Ever Evolving] Resume

No Archive Warnings Apply | Rated G | Word Count: 2,138 | Happy Hogan & Peter Parker

Summary: Somehow or another, Happy is tasked with watering his boss's stupid plant while he's out of town. He's just finishing up when Peter Parker comes waltzing in, having forgotten that Tony won't be there. He wants to just send him on his way. But the mother-hen tendencies he didn't even know he had kick in, and he's suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to make sure the kid eats. It's fine. He loves to cook. And he makes a pretty darn good grilled cheese.

[Except Below the Cut]

Happy walked into Tony's empty penthouse with a huff. He crossed the living room and approached the stupid plant that, for no good reason, had been left in his care. He looked at the deep green leaves and sighed, wondering when Tony had become obsessed with the thing. He didn’t even know when it had shown up. Or why. Tony could barely take care of himself most days. Then all of a sudden he decided he wanted to be worried about the care and keeping of a ficus lyrata. He rotated the plant a quarter turn to the right and checked the soil hygrometer. He compared the number to the ridiculously complex notes that had been left for him and gave the thing a few good spritzes. When he was done, he snapped a picture as proof he’d actually checked in on the thing. He was just starting to type out a clipped message to go along with it when he heard the elevator doors open.

Seeing as Tony was due to be back for another thirty-six hours, his head whipped to the side and his body automatically went into a defensive posture. He reached for the pepper spray on his belt, prepared to douse whatever intruders had been smart enough to infiltrate Tony Stark’s personal space. He released his grasp on the bottle and rolled his eyes as he watched a mop of brown wavy hair bounce into the room.

“Hey, Kid. What are you doing here?” 

Peter looked perplexed with his head canted to the side and his face scrunched up. “It’s Tuesday. I'm always here on Tuesdays.” A beat passed and a dawning look crossed the kid’s face. “Wait. What are you doing here?”

Happy gestured toward the window. “Making sure this stupid plant doesn’t dry out and die in the next day and a half.”

“Why?”

“Because apparently my ever-evolving job description now includes house sitting,” he grumbled. Every time Tony left town, he ended up with an extensive ‘honey-do’ list to go on top of his routine duties. He’d never understand why everything perpetually had to be him. “He’s a billionaire. He could probably hire a master gardener or professional botanist to come and look after this thing. But no. He wants me to do it.”

Rather than commenting on the justifiable complaints, Peter made a small noise of confusion and asked, “You’re house sitting?”

“Yes, Peter,” Happy exasperatedly replied. “The boss had to fly out to California for a couple of days, remember? He’ll be back tomorrow. I thought you two rescheduled.”

He could practically see the wheels in the kid’s head turning. He crossed his arms and waited for it all to click. 

[Continue Reading on AO3]

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